#sorry i love seeing jd suffer

[alcoholicpilot]

a brozone blast from the past (also sorry for making it emo at the end😇)

[brights-place]

hey heyyy! is it okay if I ask for seperate HCs for the creek (+ BroZone if it's not too too much ^^') seeing fem!reader when she is panicking (generally having trouble breathing, overthinking and not being able to ground herself at all) and comforting her when she needs it most, even when she feels really insecure and as if she could never even be tolerated at all? like, what they would say, how would they comfort her, stuff like that! (i'm extremely sorry that this is really REALLY specific hdjgjfjg)

Brozone comforting their S/O

Pairings: Brozone X Reader (Seperate)

Warnings: mentions of panic attacks, Fluff, mild cursing, Angst???

A/N: don’t apologize and I'm sorry if it's short I'm currently having to make sure my grandma is alright while I'm writing this! Plus your request gives me an clearer view on how I should write it <33 anyways! I’ll upload the creek Headcannons after this! even though I hate that little shit...

John Dory

- When he called out for you to get back in Rhonda to head to your next destination he saw your freaked out and shaking figure - Rushed towards you quickly and cupped your face trying to get your attention - He felt heart broken seeing you like this - He snapped his fingers in front of your face gaining your attention as he called out to you - He was worried as he tried to soothe you while texting the brozone group chat for advice which all of them gave him advice for having to make you feel better - I'd say he finds some emotions difficult to deal with so he'd just seek for help from his brothers - He ran inside grabbing you an cup of water and offering it to you quickly - It was always hard for JD to watch their partner suffer like this - He held your hand in his trying his hardest to comfort you - Even if you couldn't hear him, JD knew just being by your side could help you

- Your panic attack wasn't something he could solve since he didn't exactly know what to do because he was alone for most of his life, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try help you - He brought you close and rubbed your back trying to be as supportive as possible. - He told you comforting words and held you close telling you everything would be okay, and he wasn't going anywhere "7.5 billion smiles in the world and yours shines the brightest in my eyes (name) do don't you dare say that about yourself"

- He's corny but lovable and you could cry and hug him tighter - As you gain control of your breaths, he stayed by your side, giving you all of the peace and comfort he could muster.

Spruce/Bruce

- Oh He'd know your freaked out face before you change it back into your smile and left before quickly having an panic attack in the kitchen -He kept reassuring you that it would be okay even if you needed to cry. - Rubbed your back affectionately, trying to instill some sense of comfort.

- He cradled your head to his chest, soothing you with calming words and gentle caresses.

- His voice always seems to calm down any storm and relax your mind - His touch makes you feel safe like nothing can reach you when he's nearby. -  The way he wipes away your tears with a gentle caress and warm embrace. - The soothing words he always has to make your troubles seem small which somehow works for you "You are everything I think about everything I need, everything I want My love please don't think negatively."

- The way he wraps his arms around you when he holds you close. It always feels comforting but also strong as he loves and cares for you. - The trust you feel in his words and actions. Your trust feels like a weight lifted off of your shoulders. You don't need to worry about anything when he holds you close. - The reassurance he always gives you. He knows just what words to say to make you feel loved and cared for he'd stay beside you and make sure your fine which helped.

Clay

- You know how you comforted him when he was having his own panic attack? he'd do the same shit back for you! - You were his shoulder to lean on for that moment so he'll be yours when he saw you get to overwhelmed with some pieces of work which caused you to get stressed. - Cups your face and give words of affirmations and tell you that your safe with him (VEUABUVWBRSA BEST BOYFRIEND) - Makes sure you don't feel lonely so he'd hug you tightly and show affection - would try lighten up the mood and tell you some stories from his sad book club even though your both in it. - You know how I said You are literally everything to him? same goes for you as you both are each others shoulder to lean on when you two ever feel down and right now he knew you needed him - Sits down brings out your comfort item or an safety blanket for you and sits beside you until you are ready to talk - He Can't really look you in the eyes while he hears you vent and rant to him thinking of what to say - Would then say the most comforting shit and loving words to you without knowing making you stare at him eyes whining in awe and with abit of tears growing... - This man is in an sad book club AN SAD BOOK CLUB! SO he would hug - "My love for you (name) is past the mind, beyond my heart, and into my soul" literally staring at him as you hug him tighter - You two soon rest in each others arms sitting their relaxed your mind clear from the struggles knowing that clay has his words with you.

Floyd

- You were out at an party and you staretd to feel overwhelemed with the crowd of people and loud noises and feeling like everybody was watching you - Due to being the sensitive one of the group he recognized your state earlier before you even knew you were having an panic attack - Took you to the side to comfort you from the loudness - put you in an empty room and sat you don handing you an weighted blanket (LIKE THE SWEETIE HE IS!) - You know how I stated he'd listen to your stories and hobbies he'd listen to your vents and rants about what was happening - He understands emotions so well so if you wanted to vent or rant to him he would listen combing his hands through your hair as you ranted/vented about things. - Once your done he'd wait to see if it's alright for him to speak

- Tell you the sweetest things while cupping your teary eyed shaking form as you tell him how you think you weren't enough and taking him away from the party cause you were to overwhelmed which would make him frown - He's now gonna bombard you with compliments and affection he'd smile and move hair out of your face "I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you (name)" - You start crying even more and hug him tightly

- Would be beside you the whole time holding your hand as you tell him everything or sit in silence whichever one you would prefer. - He's sensitive and understand what you mean and feel forever - Hands on your waist as he make sure you feel safe around his arms

- He'd wait beside you and care for you no matter how long it takes.

Branch

- He'd exactly know how you felt when he saw your figure shaking as you knocked on his bunker door frantically sobbing your eyes out - wants to his best to make sure you’re feeling alright and okay around him I mean he's your boyfriend why wouldn't he do that? - hugged you and sat you on his couch placing an weighted blanket around you to comfort you

- He may not be good at comforting you at first but he's fucking good at make sure you relax and that his bunker is an safe space for you

- Even if he finds it difficult to show affection he knows you need him so he'd do his best to push the boundary for himself - Hugs and patting your head awkwardly - Even if he's sarcastic and not knowing what to do first he'd soon know exactly what to do

- Tells you exactly what you want to hear. You feel insecure he'd say the sweetest things feel like your not good enough he'd praise and prove you wrong since he's your partner and cares for your deeply - "I like it when you smile but I love it even more when I'm the reason" Branch mutters cupping your face as you sniffle telling him it's corny which he 100% knew it was but he liked how you smiled up at him - He'd tell you the things he wanted to be told before he started dating you and was by himself having his panic attacks or was left by himself with his thoughts. - Rubs your back and enters the blanket burrito to cuddle with you as you two just watch your comfort shows/movies or just sit down cuddling and listening to your favorite music artists.

- He would do something stupid even if it embarrasses him just to have you laugh around him - Would chuckled when seeing your e/c eyes light up every time he succeeds on making you feel better - This man has things to keep you out of your mind and make you feel better the best he can which works successfully

[are-we-really-doing-this]

Do you think that The Path Of Totality is just...JDevil lore?

Okayokayokayokay yes I DO, I gotta break this one down by song, this is too good, okay so:

Chaos Lives in Everything = JDevil living inside JD, duh, and JD not being able to escape his demons. Err, demon. Demon/alter ego/musical side project.

Kill Mercy Within = JDevil feels alienated from human society so he rejects humanity and says ‘fuck you and your broke ass system, I kill with impunity’.

My Wall = JDevil living with his own demons and those who wanna see him suffer, in the end accepts that things always change as well as…forgiveness and resolve???

Narcissistic Cannibal = JDevil really likes Hannibal. And positivity in the face of nihilism. And eating people.

Illuminati = JDevil despises the evil empire government of humans looking to rule society with hate and greed.

Burn the Obedient = JDevil reeeeeally doesn’t like the 14 year old Twitter anarchists talking about violent revolution when they can’t even break their curfew without crying to mommy about how they’re so sorry, it won’t happen again.

Sanctuary = JDevil practicing desperate coping mechanisms in response to psychological and physical abuse.

Let’s Go = THE PASSAGE OF TIME MEANS NOTHING, DON’T BE A HATER, FUCK THIS SHIT, LET’S FUCKING PARTY, OH GOD THE DEMONS ARE BACK, BABY PLEASE PICK UP THE PHONE I’M SORRY ABOUT THE DEAD RATS.

Get Up! = JDevil loves Fight Club.

Way Too Far = JDevil don’t really understand human issues so when he tries to fix them he always ends up fucking something up, but he wants you to know that he cares.

Bleeding Out = JDevil thought he had a friend in someone but they decided to talk some shit and now he regrets ever trusting them and kinda sorta blames himself for something out of his control. Also crucifixion imagery. Brutal diss track.

Fuels the Comedy = OH Y’ALL DON’T LIKE MY PITCH BLACK DEMON TEETH AND EYES OR MY CRUSTY HAIR OR MY CHEETO-DUSTED FINGERS OR MY FIRE MIXTAPE, SUCK MY WHOLE ENTIRE DEMON DICK, BITCH!!!1!1!!1!

Tension = Sometimes JDevil gives into the dark thoughts and is sometimes shocked at the emotions he feels that regular normie humans don’t, but in the end he can’t rest easy knowing the person that fucked him up is hurting.

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

In regards to the seven sentence tag game:

Let's see if I can manage this without going off into the entire plot of Gears of War and a comprehensive guide to the history, science, culture, society, and economic structure of the world of Sera. Or worse, start ranting about the themes of the story. 😅

So within the world of Gears there's a superweapon called the Hammer of Dawn. It's made up of a network of satellites that can rain down firey hell in concentrated bursts. It's a constant presence within the games, books, and comics and helps showcase the gray areas of humanity in a horrific but necessary way. Basically, big scary laser weapon from space. Not to be used lightly.

One of the bigger plot devices in Gears of War 5 is that they're trying to get the HoD back online. Most of the satellites have been lost, destroyed, or knocked offline and unreachable after the near apocalypse the world of Sera endured. The first mission in the game is to find and launch a working satellite. Unfortunately, one satellite is difficult to aim and doesn't cover a large surface area of the planet. One of the next missions you play is an evacuation of a COG settlement. Obviously things go wrong, things are looking bad and my poor sweet darling JD (James) fueled by guilt, pride, and fear decides to use himself as a targeting beacon for the HoD. It works until the satellite goes haywire and Baird no longer has control over it. And then everything goes to ratshit. JD gets hit with a blast that basically cooks him. He ends up severely wounded and in a coma for a while.

Now that you've got some knowledge to go off of this piece is a little bit of introspection on the relationship between JD and his father, Marcus. I'm kind of going for a "these are the times he remembers holding his son" thing. The first being only a few hours after JD is born. The next time being on JD's sixth birthday, only a short time before his mother's death, an event that drives a huge wedge between Marcus and JD. And the last being this moment when he has to drag his dying child to CASEVAC. I'm wanting to explore Marcus's guilt in not being there for his son and how he feels powerless as his little boy lies dying at his feet. One of Marcus's biggest issues throughout the entire series is his messiah complex. He believes it's his job to shoulder pain and suffering for everyone else. For him to be unable to do that for his own son has to feel like a major failure on his part. We don't really get a whole lot of this from Marcus's point of view within the game or the accompanying book. That's all mostly explored from Kait's perspective which is important and great, but poisonous relationships between parent and child are very important to me and I like to explore them in all their multifaceted detail.

So what did JD do? He lied. He put people that depended on him in danger. And he knowingly killed innocents. Eventually, his hubris caught up with him. And now his father has to face his own as they race for the chance to save JD's dwindling life.

And oops I rambled in your ask box. 🤦 Sorry.

Let's see if I can manage this without going off into the entire plot of Gears of War and a comprehensive guide to the history, science, culture, society, and economic structure of the world of Sera. Or worse, start ranting about the themes of the story. 😅

Me when I try to explain Ghostbur or Wilbur or Tommy or anything related to Dream SMP to someone who’s not in the fandom XD I usually end up going into a whole lotta detail lol—probably much more detail than is truly needed.

But it’s fun, so :D

Big scary laser weapon from space, gotcha!

NOOOOOOO JD *carefully covers him with a soft blanket and pats his head*

Ough… oh Deathy. One of my favorite things to read about is complicated relationships between family members. Oh gosh. Oh this fic sounds amazing oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!

YEAHHHHHH FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE MESSY YES YES!!! I LOVE!!! OH MY GOSH YES!!!

You absolutely don’t have to apologize, my friend! Reading rambles is one of my favorite things to do :D And this story sounds sooooo good oh my gosh-

Now I’m curious: what do JD and Marcus act like? What are their personalities? Now that I know the backstory I’m very curious about other aspects of them :0

[beforethepoison]

Yeah that’s true

sometimes I feel a bit for those women who stand by a rude stupid crappy guys. Like, love make us pay the price.

You can see for Amber, she ended up going to the court and suffered a public humiliation for that guy who is absolutely crappy human being and show his real face. But his face was always been there for so long, people just excused him for being "nice" and "hot"

I saw this headline and I thought how this TRANSLATE the PRIVILEGIE OF A WHITE CIS POWERFUL MAN:

So, men always have to put us in this position for women that we have to DEAL OR SAVE THEM just like this Shia LaBeouf headline:

Mia Goth, she has been accused by a male actor to kick in his head but fuck we know she wouldn't do that. Its all because its linked to Shia La Beaouf and he has a huge historic of abuse and agression towards women.

And look now, the headlines of Jessica Biel:

I think yes, for some people its very easy to let it go of "men who are shitty" but for some women is not. And I've been there, so I understand when Amber said "she was always gonna love JD" , or if Mia can't leave Shia despite of clearing seeing his a assfxxx racist loser.

Also, I feel sorry for the deppedophile girls who still would lick the floor for him, but you know soon or later in a painful way they will find their way to the naked truth.

we must remember this is a subject of TOO MANY LAYERS.

We shouldn't really define women for the kind of men they love or if they should leave them or not. We of course, we deep want that they leave them, but its them business dealing with love, that is a contraditory mixed fucked up human feeling.

[incurable-bookkl3pt0]

I can get behind Creek being a cautionary tale actually. It may even explain why despite really loving his character design at first he made me feel really uneasy despite him not really doing much. Branch was initially like a foil, and Creek seemed to be supporting Poppy after Branch hurt her feelings. I kind of thought I was being weird about it up until the betrayal. I legitimately felt betrayed because not only was I proven right about the weird vibe, but because he didn't even look sorry. Just like you can only save people who want to be saved, you can only forgive people who are looking to be forgiven and have proven that they know what they did was wrong and have made an active change.

Branch going full Katara Mode would have been both heartbreaking and hilarious. Well, hilarious to those who watch AtLA anyway. He kind of did that, a bit? But not really, and yeah, the way TBGO handled it was horrible. And yes, being critical is important. Because how are you supposed to forgive someone, if they don't even feel remorse for their actions? If they don't apologize? I know it was due to poor writing, but almost all of BZ didn't apologize, and they certainly didn't work for their forgiveness. I love the message of siblings, but I just hate that it was so easy for them. When I fight with my sisters, it's not enough to just SAY we're sorry, we have to show we mean it. That's why I'm mad and critical of BZ, but yeah, I love them and want Branch to be happy with his brothers again. And sure, if Creek MUST be a part of things, I want his redemption too (just like how I wanted MLB Chloe's, and AtLA Azula's redemption) but first he must have some form of guilt-trip, and then work for forgiveness. Community service, interacting with Trolls he may have given trauma to (you can't tell me at least a few didn't develop some form of PTSD after the whole ordeal), just anything to show that he's willing to work to be forgiven and earn that second chance, and not just him abusing the Trolls' forgiving nature. I think in the end, that's the real reason I'm pushy about it. I have been taken advantage of on several occasions for being so forgiving in the past that it made me very reserved and critical of forgiveness in general now. So this might just be me projecting in the end, sorry about that.

As for Crimp. Yeah, my feelings for her are mixed. I just go by what I see in the movie when I say she was an accomplice. In reality, it could just be the writers at fault again. Because just like with BZ, we don't know the whole story. We only know what we're being shown. It's why I'm very forgiving towards JD because out of all of Branch's brothers, we're shown his side of the story best (that and out of oldest sibling solidarity); we know he at least tried to come back, and the poor guy thought everyone was dead. We don't know the stories of the other bros, and what we're shown is just them being petty and butt-hurt teens who were dumb, and Branch paid the price for that. It's why I love that the fandom has added to their lore and made a good case as to why they stayed gone. Did it involve traumatizing them? Absolutely. But it added to their character and made them far more redeemable in my eyes. Sadly, it's fanon, and in canon, we don't get that, and that's why I'm mad. Back to Crimp, she could very well be an abuse victim. The writers had a golden opportunity right there to showcase realistic ways abuse victims may act. Some cling to their abusers and even go as far as defending them, and the writers had a chance to have Crimp freed from that. In a way they did, but it was handled weirdly so that it really felt like she just got off scot-free, and that's my problem with it. Then again, the only abuse I suffer from is narcissistic abuse from my dad, so I couldn't tell you how to accurately portray an abuse victim. Though I do have to add that the Veneer thing was pretty good. And I do like that he was held accountable, seeing as he wasn't a complete victim. He was sorry, and I hope that after his sentence, he becomes a better person.

And I hope that Velvet gets help, because I know NPD is a thing, and that someone having it doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. Take my dad for example. I would say that my dad is a good person. He likes helping others and is a very generous person. But because he's a narcissist, he hurts me and the people around him. He's definitely a control freak and loves attention and authority a little too much. And he (and his entire family, so I can't just pin this on him) love bullying others. Making people upset is entertaining to them. So yes, I am very critical of characters who remind me of my dad, and Velvet (and Cloud Guy but that's not relevant here) is one of them. I love my dad, but he makes it very hard to be around him, and I might end up estranging myself from him in the future, as much as it hurts to admit it, because he refuses to get help or change his ways. But my dad is a middle-aged man. Velvet is a teenager with her whole life still ahead of her. As uncomfortable as I am with her, I have to admit she is well written, and I truly hope she does get help and gets redemption too. It may be too late for my dad, but it's not for her.

in Defence of Creek ( warning if your an Avid Creek Hater you may not want to read this 😂😂 )

ps. Branch will Hair strangle some guy he Barely knew who he didn't even care about for betraying them but doesn't do the same to his Jerkass Brothers who let him down his whole life 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️.

anyway onto the topic at hand 😂😂😂😂

Creek gets an unfair Rap in my opinion sure he technically betrayed the village but when you examine the story of the first film he literally had no other choice.

as there's no other scenario that didn't end with him being Horribly Eaten as soon as he was picked by Chef for Gristle Jr to eat and taken out of the cage his fate was sealed.

unlike the rest of the snack pack he didn't have the option of sitting around waiting on the off chance Poppy would Rescue them.

we see in the Betrayal scene he was literally in Gristle's mouth before he finally played the only card he could and said he'd do what ever they wanted him to do.

and from then on he was kept in Gristle's locket around his neck which I have to say was Horrible poor guy was stuffed in their with no space or light or even air given how tight it was.

and he was kept there until eventually being moved out of the locket and put into Chef's waist bag just before the snack pack got the Locket from Gristle and were then captured by Chef.

and from that point like Creek himself said there was literally nothing else he could do that wouldn't result in him being killed straight away by Chef.

this is what rubs me the wrong way about the movie trying to make him into a villain he has no real agency in the betrayal it'd be a little easier for me to Judge him.

if he was kept in the cage with the Rest of the Snack Pack so he had the option of just having faith in Poppy someone he claimed to care about.

coming to save them but instead he took the more cowardly action and offered to sell everyone out early on in order to save himself then I feel it'd work a little better.

but having him be plucked from the cage early on and literally only betray everyone when he was on the verge of being eaten just makes him a victim in my eyes.

like I'm sorry but he can't be blamed too much for anything he does at that point he's just a normal civilian who's life was put in danger by negligent leaders ( cough Peppy cough ).

he technically wasn't obligated to die then and there and the whole situation with him selling out the Village is a classic Trolley Problem sure its easy to Judge.

from the outside but when we're on the verge of being gruesomely murdered who's to say what each of us would do in the moment to stay alive.

basically its Chef's actions and she's the one to blame not Creek dude was a literal Hostage who had been kidnaped Humiliated by being shoved in a taco and sprinkled with spicy stuff.

and then nearly eaten and then crammed into a tiny locket for presumably Hours and then crammed into a waist bag like how is this guy not the victim here?

and some people do like to point to how he behaved about the whole thing telling Poppy he's doing it for her but I'm sorry that doesn't change anything in my eyes.

sure its an unusual reaction but its also an unusual situation and I see it more as him weakly attempting to justify it to himself since he does admit he wishes there was another way but is promptly reminded by Chef that there isn't.

his Reaction isn't Great but it doesn't change the situation and make him some pure evil person.

a little autistic maybe? given the weird response to an emotional situation he has but yeah it doesn't make him worse in my eyes.

basically to end things the film as well as the fandom that villainise him seem to basically be saying that he should have just laid down and accepted his gruesome fate the first time.

and the movie even ends on a cruel irony of still being eaten along with Chef.

which for Chef is ironic in a karmic way but for Creek its just kinda sad tbh so the film's saying his death was decided at the start and he's a villain for not accepting it the first time.

and as punishment he meets the same fate in the end anyway.

I thought this was a Trolls film not a Final Destination film lol.

anyway even tho its separate cannon I was Happy when he was Revealed to still be alive in TBGO sure I feel his Return could have been written way better.

but Regardless I'm Glad he's still alive he didn't deserve to die and also the movie cannon never contradicts the tv show cannon in Terms of Creek's survival.

so yeah he could very well still be alive in the movies as well sorry Haters 😅😅😅😅.

[handsome-kakigori]

So, what are your thoughts on the first ep??

Btw it di disney + belum ada ya? Mau nonton di situ ga ada sampai ke situs bajakan wkwkwkwk

Kyknya ga ada di disney+ aku pun akhirnya jd kaizoku wkwk

Hooo boi, my thoughts on ep 1 huh? *cracks knuckles* this is gonna be long im sorry—

ICHIGO’S SO PRETTY AAUGHHH, I MISS LISTENING TO HIS VOICE, SEEING HIM MOVE, ETC. ARGHHH FINALLY MY DAYS OF BUYING OBSCURE GAMES/ DRAMA CD AND WATCHING WEIRD HAREM ANIMES JUST TO HEAR HIM TALK IS OVER, I CAN HEAR MORITA-SAN IN ICHIGO!! BARK BARK SNARL

Ok maybe I’ll start from the beginning, i forgot this noob shinigami’s name so i’ll call him imoyama junior. Seireitei needs to train their shinigami better fr. He ran from a hollow into a building?? That’s stupid, what if someone lives there bruuhhh— and he ran so far, he spreads so much property damage across the town AAAAUUGHH. THE STREETS, THE CABLES, THE WALLS, WINDOWS, ETC

But Ichigo gets a free pass hehe. Aww darling wants to show off and use his bankai on a small fry hollow, the knockback causes some streets and buildings to get destroyed, but shhh it’s ok bby u do u, i’ll pay for ur war crime prison bail muach 👁💋👁🤌💙✨

I’m also lowkey salty that Ichigo’s freeze frame is so ugly like he just got dropped on a pavement. IT’S SO UNFAIR, EVERYONE ELSE LOOKS PRETTY BUT HIM!! WHY CAN’T PIERROT YASSIFY MY WIFE AGHH

The karakura gangs’ interactions really warms my heart tho— they make me miss my classmates fr! “WHO LET YOU GUYS IN? WTF! ALSO CAN YOU KNOCK?!” “We met yuzu on our way, she let us in lmao” RELATABLE!! Who doesn’t barge into their friends room unannounced bc their family members invites us in before we can say anything lmaoo. Also the part where he said “u sure u wanna claim that bread as delicious? They’re leftovers, they don’t sell well” -> “here’s your share eat it, it’s good” BRUH ICHIGO’S SO PRECIOUS AARGHh. And then the fact that they all ganged up on him telling him that he’s ungrateful even tho he’s the one he eats the breads most 👁💧👄💧👁💙✨

He’s gonna suffer a lot, so i shall enjoy this small peaceful reprieve he’s having 🥹

ALSO, IMOYAMA JR REALLY BE LIVING MY DREAM, MAN! HE WOKE UP AND THE FIRST THING HE SAW WAS MY WIFE?? AND THEN MY WIFE OFFERED HIM FOOD? BITJ, THAT SHOULD BE ME! IT’S MY DREAM, MAS! NOT HERS! MY DREAM!!!

The iconic window kick looks more dynamic in the manga imo, but i still love it nonetheless. “Idc who u r, get off my fcking bed” HELL YEAH, TELL THAT GERMAN BOI, KING!!!

OH AND THERE’S THIS SCENE WITH ARSON GRANDPA THAT MADE ME CHUCKLE— "I am here. There is no greater security than that." Gitu2 tp 1 detik kemudian sasakibe bolong di tembok 😭. Security macem apa itu, eyang?!

Everyone else: “omg so cool! It’s only ep 1 but we’re already getting fire quotes 🔥”

Me: “Security my ass! Sasakibe became a donut the next second, he clearly don’t guard the place as well as he claims it to be tsk tsk”

In conclusion i have almost no opinion regarding the ep, i only have opinions on ichigo and some rants regarding imoyama jr lmaooo. I’m the wrong person to ask abt thoughts/analysis, i lose my braincells when ichigo’s involved 😭🤧

P.S. The ending scene has that beliau meme so im content

TLDR: ichigo pretty, karakura gang interaction = precious, imoyama jr’s property damage is thru the roof, arson grandpa being the worst security guard in existence, and beliau meme.

[make-me-imagine]

Headcanons + Drabbles: How each of the Seven would admit their feelings to you

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 15 - 'Admission'

Pairings: Chris Larabee x Reader; Vin Tanner x Reader; Ezra Standish x Reader; Buck Wilmington x Reader; Nathan Jackson x Reader; Josiah Sanchez x Reader; and JD Dunne x Reader. <All Gender Neutral Reader Inserts.

Warnings: Brief mentions of drinking/alcohol; and brief mentions of blood/wound, gunfire.

General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural, @caswinchester2000 Requested Taglist: @techssexythighs, @hybrid-omegaverse, @spuffyfan394

*All gifs were made by me on giphy

-

Chris Larabee:

Chris was stubborn. He knew he had feelings for you, but he fought against it.

He was too afraid to love again, to move on, to possibly lose you, just like he lost his family.

But no matter how often he tried to ignore these feelings, they would always climb back up.

He convinced himself that he would live with it forever. That he would suffer with it, and never tell you.

Until one day, when he had to watch as a small spark seemed to rekindle between you and an old flame.

He had returned to town, the man you had dated when you were younger.

As Chris watched you walk around with him, smiling and laughing, he couldn’t stop the jealousy and anger that rose through him.

The scowl on his face was more prominent than usual, that even the others couldn’t fail to notice.

And the way Chris scoffed as you laughed at one of the mans stupid jokes told them all they needed to know.

Buck could see the war raging on inside Chris, and was the only one brave enough to confront him about it.

“We can all see how you feel about Y/n, Chris. And no matter what you tell yourself, it’s not wrong. You have every right to be happy again. But, you might just lose them to another man if you don’t speak up. And I can promise you, that that will feel a hell of a lot worse than just ignoring it forever.”

Chris would tell Buck to stay out of it, but the usual bite behind his words failed to come through, and Buck could see that he got to him.

The boys weren’t the only ones to notice Chris’s change in behavior. You did too. And when you asked him about it, he brushed you off. A little more rudely than he meant too.

After finally getting fed up with himself, he would find you later in the evening, sitting out in the field where he often spotted you.

“I thought I might find you out here.” He said as he walked over to you. You smiled up at him in greeting, as he sat down on the grass beside you “I wanted to say sorry, about how I acted before. I know you were just checking on me.” He spoke with a soft voice, one people didn’t hear too often.

“It’s alright Chris.” You said with a soft smile, before looking off into the distance again.

Chris could tell that it was you who had something weighing heavily on your mind now “What’s wrong Y/n?” He’d ask as he watched you closely.

You stayed quiet for a moment before speaking softly “He asked me to leave with him.”

Chris felt his gut clench as you said this and tried to fight back the anger and jealousy. He looked down at his hands as he played with a piece of grass “And? Are you gonna go?”

You could hear the strain behind his voice, the unspoken feelings peaking though, and you couldn’t help but feel hope that he felt as you did. “I don’t know. Should I?” You asked.

Chris looked up and met your eyes, somewhat surprised by your question. As you looked at him, he saw it behind your eyes. You knew how he felt. And you were asking him to tell you to stay.

A soft smile fell across his face, almost shy in a way “No. You shouldn’t.” He shook his head lightly.

“Then what should I do?” You asked softly, cautiously.

Chris almost hesitated, but the hope behind your eyes stopped him. Told him what he needed to do, for both of you.

“You should stay here...You should stay with me.” He said, finally admitting what he really wanted.

A soft small was now forming on your face, and Chris paired it with his own “Is that what you really want Chris?” You asked once more.

He nodded his head as he brought up his hand, moving a stray piece of hair from your face, his eyes meeting yours once more “Yes. It's all I want.”

- - -

Vin Tanner:

Vin is on the shyer, more reserved side.

So though he is entirely aware that he has feelings for you, he is just unsure of how to express them in the way he wants to.

Part of it, of course, is the fear that you might reject him.

Though he is a smart man, he is a bit oblivious to your feelings for him; which are obvious to the other boys.

But, to Vin’s credit; you were a bit oblivious to his feelings towards you too.

Vin kept trying to plan different ways to confess to you how he felt, but every time the moment came up, he panicked and kept quiet.

Planning again, he invited you out with him when he was going scouting around the area.

He knew how much you liked to go riding.

You walked barefoot through the small stream you had come across in the shady area of trees. The horses drank nearby as Vin sat at the edge of the stream watching you, a fond smile on his face as you splashed around, cooling off.

Turning around, you caught him watching you and smiled at him. His heart fluttered as you did so. You walked a bit closer to him “Don’t you want to cool off too? It’s hot today.”

Vin shook his head “Nah, I’m alright out here.”

“Come on Vin.” You began, amusement lingering in your voice “You’re wearing like four layers of clothes.” Vin chuckled as you playfully ridiculed him. “You should cool down before you get heat stroke.” You said as you kicked some water at him playfully, barely splashing him.

“Hey now.” Vin said as he jumped back a bit, laughing as you did so “Don’t threaten me.” He said as he pointed at you, a grin on his face.

“What are you gonna do about it?” You asked with a grin.

Vin stood up as he looked at the water and then at you, you kicked the water again and splashed him, a laugh bubbling out as you did so.

“Okay, you-” He began as he stepped into the water, making his way towards you.

You stepped back in surprise having not expected him to react so quickly. You moved to run from him as he reached down and splashed water at you, making you let out a gasp. Getting to you before you could escape, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him with a laugh.

You splashed more water at him before he could grab your arms and stop you, but as he did so, he pulled you closer to him. You locked eyes as your faces were barely an inch apart, and as you let out a small giggle, your noses brushed.

You both went silent and nearly still as you realized how close you were to one another. Vin couldn’t stop himself from gazing at your lips for a moment before meeting your eyes again. You smiled lightly at him and he felt his chest tighten.

“You’re beautiful.” He suddenly muttered out, catching himself by surprise.

You were surprised as well, but didn’t show it as much as you showed the delight you felt. Your mouth widening into a smile. Vin let out a nervous chuckle before he decided that this was finally the moment, whether he expected it or not.

His eyes flicked to your lips again, and this time he leaned a little closer. Glancing back at you eyes for a moment, he found nothing but acceptance and happiness, which he was sure matched his own.

Leaning the rest of the way in, he pressed his lips to yours, his hands leaving your arms and wrapping around you as he pulled you flush against him.

You planted one of your hands on his chest, and brought the other to his face as you leaned into the kiss. Relieved that your feelings for one another were finally expressed.

- - -

Ezra Standish:

The second Ezra realized he had feelings for you, he had a moment of 'Wait a second.'

He wasn’t opposed to it, nor entirely surprised.

You challenged him in every way and he admired you for that, and found it quite attractive.

He was also grateful for your ability to call him out on his crap. The others did this as well, but it always felt different coming from you.

So no, he wasn’t really that surprised at all.

Ezra and you always had sarcastic banter with each other, so as soon as he really figured out he liked you as more than a friend, he amped it up a bit.

But much to his chagrin, you didn’t really seem to notice the change from friendly sarcasm, to flirting.

He wasn’t really sure how to just come right out and say it; even after the not so helpful tips from Buck.

So he wallowed in his annoyance towards himself with a drink or two.

But, when he saw you enter the saloon, followed quite closely by a man he did not recognize, he perked up in his seat.

You were clearly annoyed by the man's presence, similar to that of a mosquito buzzing around your head.

So, he watched for a few moments before choosing the right time to come to your rescue, so to speak.

You tapped your fingers rhythmically on the bar as the man continued to talk about himself. He was just passing through town, but wanted to stop for the night. And unfortunately for you, he spotted you as you walked through town, and has been following you ever since.

The man sat at the bench next to you, chattering about who knows what. Just as he began to make some flirty remark and lean a bit closer to you, you were surprised by a figure pushing in between you, blocking you from the man’s view.

“There you are darling, I’ve been wondering where you got to.” Ezra’s smooth voice said as he interrupted the man.

As you met Ezra’s eyes you saw the small smirk on his lips as he turned his head back towards the man “Oh, excuse me sir, was I interrupting? “

The man looked at Ezra, and was about to say something, but seeing something behind Ezra's eyes he backed off a bit “Uh, no, just-” The man stopped before looking around him and at you “Just wanted to thank you for your kindness.”

You gave him a curt nod “Don’t mention it.” Your voice was stale as the man nodded once more and left, sparing a couple more glances back at the two of you as he did so.

“Weasel” Ezra muttered under his breath as he watched the man go. And as he looked back at you, seeing the smile on your face he gave you an innocent look “What?”

You giggled slightly, making a proud smile cross his face. “Thank you.” You said “I was a few moments away from shooting him.” You said with a joke, making Ezra chuckle lightly.

“Don’t mention it. I was surprised at first to see you enter with him, but, after seeing the scowl on your face I figured his attention was unwanted.”

“I was hoping it was obvious to him.” You said matter-of-factly. You thought about what he said for a moment before looking back at him “Why were you surprised?” The man was not unattractive in any aspect, but his personality is what made him unappealing. So you were curious as to why Ezra would be surprised.

Ezra opened and closed his mouth a few times as he thought to himself “Well, I just had never seen the man before. And it’s not as if you often...go around with..other gentlemen.”

‘“Other gentlemen? You mean other people than you?” You asked somewhat amused.

Ezra felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips before shrugging a bit “Perhaps.”

You thought he might be joking, but something behind his eyes told you differently. But Ezra noticed the smile on your face falter a bit, and he wondered what he had done.

“You should be careful Ezra, you might make me think you were jealous.” You said with a small smile, though, he saw it falter again for a moment.

Did you think he was toying with you? He felt his chest clench a bit before he leaned just a little closer “What if I was?”

Your eyes snapped to meet his, and you expected to see amusement behind them, as he made another joke. But all you found was a sincere gaze as he looked at you.

You almost didn’t believe it. “Are you saying you were jealous, Ezra?”

“Well...for the moment I thought you were with him, rather than trying to run from him...Yes, I was.” he admitted, a smile forming on his face “Why are you surprised? I thought my feelings and intentions might be obvious to you at this point, but…” He trailed off for a moment. “But, you always thought I was joking, didn't you?”

You almost felt guilty, nodding slightly “I never thought you were being serious.” You admitted.

Ezra nodded again, letting out a dry chuckle “Maybe that was my fault. But I have felt myself, adoring you, quite ardently recently. But, I’ve never been very good at expressing my feelings.”

You smiled at him, making his eyes gleam a little brighter. “Well, you’re not doing that bad of a job right now.”

Ezra smiled at you as he leaned a bit closer “Then I suppose I should continue.”

- - -

Buck Wilmington:

Buck is as straightforward as they come.

But, this works against him at times, especially since he has flirted with you since the moment you met.

And at first, once he got past the initial flirting, you became good friends.

Since Buck flirts with a majority of the people he meets, you never took him seriously.

So, When Buck developed honest-to-God feelings for you, you couldn’t tell the difference, except that maybe he flirted more often.

This annoyed Buck to no end, and he knew it was entirely his fault.

So he decided to change it up a bit and be more romantic in his flirting, more sincere.

But this backfired tremendously.

For he had not realized you took it the wrong way.

“Y/n, looking as lovely as ever.” He said as he pulled out a small bundle of flowers and handed them to you.

Your heart fluttered in your chest when he did this, but it was replaced by suspicion immediately. “What is it?” You asked, your voice full of suspicion and annoyance.

Buck seemed to malfunction for a moment as his face went blank before his eyes flicked between the flower and your face a few times. “It’s...they're flowers?” He said slowly, unsure of exactly why you were confused.

The genuine confusion on his face made you let out a sharp laugh “No, Buck, I’m asking what you want.”

“Oh-” He let out a laugh “Well what do you mean? I’m just saying hello.”

You squinted at him clearly unconvinced “You've never just brought me a flower and told me I was lovely, so really Buck, what is it you want?”

Buck was almost hurt by your sheer refusal to believe him, but he knew it was his fault. So, playing on it, he took a step closer to you “Alright, I’ll tell you what I want.” He paused for a moment before smiling “I’d like to take you on a date.”

You blinked a few times, and you couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. You wanted him to be serious, you wanted the flirting to be genuine, but you honestly just did not know with him, and it had really begun to play with your heart.

Handing the flowers back to him he took them reluctantly, giving you a confused and almost hurt look “Try again when you’re serious Buck.” You said before walking away from him.

You really thought he was just toying with you, setting you up with flirting and jokes just to let you down. Buck felt his heart clench at the thought, but he knew he couldn’t give up. Moving quickly, he caught up to you, stepping in front of you and stopping you. He placed his hands on your arms and stared down at you “Y/n.”

The seriousness in his tone made you stop “I understand why you don’t think I am being honest with you. But I can assure you, I have never been more serious. I have not looked, flirted, or been with anyone since I came to the realization that I am absolutely head over heels for you.” He could see the surprise and realization come over your face as he smiled warmly down at you “I promise you Y/n. Anything I have said to you over the last few weeks has been true, every word. I’m not playin’ any games with you.”

It took you a moment to find your voice again, the sheer amount of emotion in Bucks eyes as he stared down at you leaving you speechless. Swallowing, you spoke, your voice quiet “Promise?” You asked, almost shyly.

Buck’s smile widened a bit as he nodded, handing you back the flower “I promise.”

Taking the flowers from him again, a smile spread across your face. Buck moved to stand behind you, putting his arm out for you to take “Now how ‘bout that date?” You smiled up at him before looping your arm around his and nodding your head a bit, letting him lead you.

- - -

Nathan Jackson:

Nathan was aware of his feelings for you from the beginning.

And the sweetheart that he is, is hopeless when it comes to confessing.

From the fear of you rejecting him, or explaining himself poorly, to the fear of other people possibly disapproving of your relationship, he was hopeless.

The other’s tried to give him tips, but none of the things they told him to do, were “him”.

He wanted it to be natural, not scripted, but he was never quite sure of the right moment.

For some time, he was afraid the right moment might never come.

Buuut, luckily for him it did. Just not in the way he necessarily wanted it to start.

“Nathan!” Chris yelled, trying to get his attention as he held you up.

After some men came into town causing trouble, the seven, along with your help got rid of them. But as most things, it turned into a big firefight, and you got caught in some of the crossfire, and now had a bullet in your shoulder.

As Nathan ran over to Chris, his eyes landed on you. Your face was screwed up into a pained scowl, and he felt his heart drop. “Y/n!” He said as he ran over to you.

“Hey Nathan.” You said as he started to look at your shoulder.

“That bullet’s still in there. Come on.” Before you knew it, he was taking you from Chris and carrying you in his arms towards his office.

His heart was beating rapidly as he panicked, his mind running through everything he needed to do to make sure you were gonna be alright. And the entire time he was getting the bullet out and cleaning your wound, his heart never stopped racing. Not until you were completely bandaged up and sitting up with a smile on your face. You were still tired from the blood-loss, but you were going to be alright.

“Here you go.” Nathan said as he handed you some water.

“Thank you.” You said with a smile, taking it gratefully. “I didn’t give you too much trouble did I?” You asked with a hint of amusement.

He smiled at you and shook his head “I have to admit it’s always harder when it’s someone you care about.” He admitted.

“But you always work a lot harder.” You countered.

He chuckled. “That is true. But I much prefer not having to do it, sooo.”

“Sooo.” You continued.

He leaned forward and placed his hand on yours “So. Please don’t do it again. I hated seeing you hurt like that.”

You smiled softly at him, your heart racing a bit faster as his hand gripped your own “I promise.”

You had feelings for Nathan for a while now, and part of you was sure he felt the same, but you never knew why he wouldn’t express it. Though, you had to criticize yourself too, you never did anything about it either.

But as his hand sat on yours you felt as though he was, in his own way, trying to show you. So, giving him a bit of a hand, so to speak. You turned your hand over so your palm was up, and linked your fingers through his.

Nathan glanced down at your hand as you did this, and he smiled before meeting your eyes again. Closing his fingers so he would be holding your hand in his he kept his eyes locked on yours. And as you smiled at each other, you both knew now, in your own silent confession, how you both felt.

- - -

Josiah Sanchez:

Josiah is a man who often thinks himself unworthy of things like love and affection; redemption and happiness.

So, when he felt himself falling for someone like you, he thought he was not worthy of such a connection.

So he buried it down, and tried to ignore it. You surely deserved so much better than him,

And when Buck and Nathan both told him that you clearly felt the same, he refused to take their word for it. Not believing you could ever come to love him.

But ever since they told him, he couldn’t help the thought in the back of his mind that spoke up every time you smiled at him, that said, 'What if?'

And the longer he was around you, and the more you showed care for him, the harder it came for him to find reasons not to embrace it.

It became especially hard when you seemed to always know when he was in need of help.

After another visit with his sister, Josiah had come back to Four Corners in a foul mood. It wasn’t as bad as it usually was, but he always felt a heavy guilt hanging over him each time.

You knew about his sister and what had happened to her, Josiah had told you the last time he visited her. And this time, when he came back and didn’t even bother to check in, you knew it had been rough.

Josiah was sitting on an old rock wall behind the church, staring up at the darkening sky. And as he heard someone come around the corner, he was prepared to tell them to leave him alone. But when he looked over and saw you peeking around the corner with a cautious, but kind look, he felt the annoyance disappear.

You smiled softly at him as you came around the corner entirely, and in your hands was a cup and a plate of food. Seeing what you had brought him, he felt his heart swell a bit as his mood got a bit better.

“I thought you might want something to eat. Since I didn’t see you get anything since you’ve come back.”

“That’s too kind of you Y/n.” He said as you handed the food and drink to him.

“Actually I think it’s about the usual amount.” You said with light amusement, to which you were glad he smiled at. “Do you mind if I sit with you?” You asked.

He smiled at you “I’d be honored.” He said curtly, making you smile as you sat beside him.

You looked up at the sky as well, as Josiah took a few bites out of the sandwich you had made him. After he took a drink, you dared to speak again. Your voice soft “How was she?”

Josiah glanced at you and saw the caution behind your eyes, unsure if he really wanted to talk about it. He smiled at you “A bit better than before, but..” He trailed off, and as you nodded, he knew he need not continue. “Thank you Y/n.” He said after a few more moments of silence as he finished eating his meal.

“Don’t mention it.” You smiled as he set down the plate.

“Thank you for checking on me.” He continued as he looked over at you “Thank you for caring.”

You smiled at him, and he saw a bit of surprise behind it as you shook your head lightly “You don’t have to thank me for caring Josiah.” You said with a hint of disbelief “It’s not a chore. It’s something I do needlessly, naturally.” You added on.

He smiled at you again “And I am grateful that you are so naturally kind, and beautiful inside and out.”

You felt your face heat up at his comment as you smiled a bit shyly, you looked out at the sky again before speaking “You always seem to think you don’t deserve it you know.” You began before looking back over at him. “But you do, Josiah. You deserve someone who cares about you, naturally, and genuinely.”

Josiah stared at you, adoration taking over his features as you spoke “And you deserve the same Y/n.” He responded. He stared at you softly for a moment, before speaking again, cautiously “Do you-” He began, but paused for a moment, unsure of himself. But seeing how you stared at him, he felt no need to hide it anymore “Do you think, I could be that. For you?”

For a moment Josiah thought you might turn him down, turn away and leave. But instead your smile widened at his words as you nodded your head “I don’t think I’d want anyone else to.”

Josiah felt his chest swell with almost overwhelming feelings as you said this, and though he was unsure of what to do now. He took your hand in his, and brought it up to his face, planting a kiss on the back of your hand. Smiling at you, he felt more happiness than he could truly express.

- - -

John "J.D." Dunne:

JD is a mess when it comes to anything romantic.

He is an awkward and rambling mess, and often says the wrong thing.

JD was a bit flirty when you first met, but the second you responded in kind with a sarcastic comment, he was thrown off.

And just like that, he was in trouble.

He admired you greatly and thought you the most amazing person he knew.

He wanted to tell you how he felt, and ask you out on a proper date, but was clueless as to how he should go about it.

He would try to get advice from Buck, but would regret it immediately.

Asking the others, he didn’t get much further, so decided he would just try his best to be himself, and not mess it up for the sixth time.

He had hand-picked some flowers from the field around the town, and also stole a couple from a nearby garden. Reciting to himself over and over what he was going to say to you as he paced around outside of your room.

From inside, you could hear something going on, and finally walked over and pulled the door open. And as soon as you did, a stunned JD looked at you with surprise and quickly placed his hands behind his back.

“Y/n!” He’d exclaim, as if surprised to see you at all.

“J.D.?” You responded.

“Uh, I - uh, I was just about to knock.” He said with an awkward laugh.

You smiled at him, a bit amused at his behavior and at how cute he was being. ‘Typical JD’ you mused to yourself. “Do you want something?”

“Huh? No, no, well yeah actually.” He admitted with an awkward nod.

He stayed silent and you blinked a few times “So, what is it?”

“Oh right, uh.” He cleared his throat a bit before bringing his hand out from behind his back, presenting you with a poorly put together and mismatched bouquet of flowers.

Taking the flowers from his hand, you couldn’t help but smile, your heart fluttering. You let out a soft chuckle “Thank you JD, what are they for?” You asked as you looked back at him, bringing the flowers to your nose.

JD remained quiet as he watched your response. You smiled, took them, laughed a bit, but it wasn’t in ridicule. This was good.

Realizing you asked him a question he shook himself from his thoughts “Well they’re for you.” He said quickly before realizing how stupid he sounded. Shaking his head a bit he let out a dry chuckle “I mean, well I came to ask if you, by chance, and if you don’t have other plans, wanted to go to the concert with me? You know, the one being held by the singer who came in yesterday? It’s alright if you don’t want to go, I just really like you and thought it might be fun, and I mean-”

“JD.” You said, stepping his rambling.

“Yeah?” He asked innocently.

You smiled at him, amused by his adorable rambling “I don’t have any other plans. I’d love to go to the concert with you, and I like you too.” You responded.

JD blinked a couple times as he processed what you had said before a smile spread across his face “Yeah?”

You laughed. “Yeah, JD.”

“Oh, good, great!” He chuckled again “Okay, uhm, I’ll come get you at eight?”

You nodded your head “Eight it is.”

He nodded again as he smiled brightly, turning he waved a bit before he began to walk down the hall. And as soon as you closed your door behind you, you heard a distant cheer as footsteps pounded down the stairs. Letting out a laugh, you smiled at the messy flowers once more before thinking about what you should wear.

---

xx End xx

I hope you enjoyed these! If you did, please consider reblogging! This is a rather small fandom, so a reblog would help to spread it around :)

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Ok as always i need angst 😂 what would have happened if when Myrine paralyzes Xenia and attacks MC, she managed to hurt mc 😶 the angst of Xenia seeing MC injured while trying to defend herself with the knife, until they end up in the situation of MC at the mercy of Myrine with the knife to the throat (battered and cut by the fight) and well... Myrine fulfilled his threat and cut MC throat. Xenia's reaction to it all while she is paralyzed and after. Thank you so much and sorry 😅 Send love 💕❤

First of all, anon. Thank you for giving me writing motivation with this.

Second of all, you are fucking cruel.

- Mod JD

Warnings for: Blood; Death; Attempted Murder; Grief; Trauma; Flashbacks; Angst; Tons Of Angst; Pain Xenia Doesn’t Fucking Deserve; Ruelle Hugging Someone Of Her Own Free Will; Did I Mention Blood?

Read at your own risk. 

(These are Xenia’s thoughts)

“What did you do to her?”

“A simple paralysis poison.”

Myrine’s smile was nothing short of wicked as she waggles her fingers. Xenia could barely hear what she said next over her own thoughts - she should’ve been prepared for that, she’s such a fool - Iris jumping at her momentarily ripped her away from those, and when he got kicked away, part of her mind spat out some humor - she could see the anger on her love’s face, increasing with every insult that flew from Myrine’s rotten mouth.

(HOW DARE SHE.)

Xenia desperately tried to move to help MC in the following battle, but she couldn’t, helpless to only watch, helplessly lying there, her mind screaming out with pain and an endless stream of insults at herself, what an idiot she was, a failure, unable to -

Myrine took MC into her grasp, holding her in plain view for Xenia to see. Helpless like her, unable to move. This couldn’t - she had to DO SOMETHING, she needed to save her, get to her, to tackle Myrine down at whatever slushing cost there was, and if it would be her own life -

“You see, Xenia? This is what happens when you get sloppy. When you get soft.”

(I will end her.)

“You have so much potential. If only you could see past these nonsensical feelings of yours and stop letting them hinder your ambitions. This girl is holding you back.”

(This queen is making me stronger than I ever could’ve been on my own.)

“You could have achieved your greatest dreams by now, could have obtained everything you ever wanted... All you had to do was marry her and kill her, and you’d be the Queen of Lysende right now.”

(I have everything I wanted.)

She wants to scream it, wants to shout it over the paralysis, but she can’t. She can’t do anything at all.

“You could’ve done it any time - it would have been so easy. And instead you’ve wasted your time and energy looking after her, playing house with her.”

Her scoff hurts more than she cared to show. It reminded her too much of the way her old mentor had sounded when she’d accidentally added too much of a herb into her potions. Just now it was twisted. Ruined. Wrong.

“Take now, for example. Had you not been so concerned with protecting her, you might have been able to fight me now.Instead, you made a stupid, rash decision. And now you’re helpless to stop me.”

She’d protected MC because Myrine might have killed her if she hadn’t. But… could MC have slipped away? Could she have retaliated? Could she… Had she done something wrong? Was her protectiveness finally demanding it’s price? MC had told her to not always - was this what came of it now?

“Have fun knowing she bleeds out.”

With that, Myrine moved the knife over MC’’s throat. The queen drops to the ground with a gurgle as Myrine laughs silently and calmly vanishes in thin air while Xenia’s eyes fill with tears.

She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t even see her - she had to - she couldn’t - she could only blink the tears away, tears of rage and worry and pain and sorrow.

(NO!)

(NO!)

(MC!)

(Ruelle, please… please, anybody must’ve…)

“...Xenia…”

(She lives. She lives. She’s…)

“... I love you.”

(CALL FOR HELP, YOU FOOL! DON’T WASTE YOUR ENERGY ON ME!)

“I’ve... “

Her voice is so weak, so gurgling, wheezing - Myrine must’ve only lightly cut her, to make sure to prolong her suffering, to make sure she’d die as slowly as possible.

“I’m so happy I met you… I… I just… I need you to know how much you mean to me… before I…”

(Shutupshutupshutupdon’tplease)

“You’re slushing incredible… you’ve made my life so much better… you’ve helped me so much, and I could…”

(Please stop using past tense, please-)

Xenia’s fingertips and toes moved. Not enough. Not nearly enough.

“I always wanted… hoped… to marry you. One day.”

MC’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but Xenia felt the words deep in her heart.

“I would’ve understood if you didn’t- I’m… you never would’ve had to, and-”

(One day. One day, I would have.)

“I want you to know… none of this… is your fault. You did everything you could, and that’s more than I ever would’ve asked.”

(And it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.)

“I love you. And hey… if… afterlife turns out to be a thing… you can… live with Val there.”

(Don’t speak of that. Please. Please no.)

Xenia heard and felt herself sob.

“I’ll say hi to him from you.”

(He’d love to meet you. But please… please don’t say this as if…)

“...please…”

“Xenia!”

“..I… love… you…”

Every word was torture with her still weird-feeling lips and tongue, but at least the poison seemed to wear off a little faster now.

“Save… your… energy… or...call...help…”

“I can’t… It feels as if when I scream, this is going to rip open further…”

(No… NO!)

Xenia sobbed again.

“Please… don’t cry… I…”, MC sniffled, “I don’t want to spend my last moments hearing you cry…”

That made Xenia sob again. Just while she tried to wrangle herself back for MC’s sake, she felt how her lower arms could move up to her elbow.

(Enough.)

She moved. Forced her hands to pull the dead weight of her body and push it with her feet, forced herself to turn around and fall off the bed, landing with a slam and a muffled noise of pain.

But that was worth it when she saw MC’s eyes on her. She didn’t mind the puddle of blood as she dragged herself over, didn’t mind how it stained her hands and arms and chest. She knew she wouldn’t be able to reach her herb bag, and she didn’t have the strength to shout yet… but she could cup MC’s face, she could lean their foreheads together and force a smile for her sake, could feel how MC took one of her limp arms and wrap it around her.

“Don’t… move… for my sake.”

MC kissed her. It tasted of blood and love and despair, relief to be with her, grief to leave her.

“For your sake… I’d do anything.”

Xenia kissed her again.

“Sweet... little... fool.”

Her voice dripped with affection, her eyes dripped with sadness, her heart bled at the smile that ghosted over MC’s beautiful features.

“I love you.”

“I would’ve married you.”

Xenia whispered, closing her eyes and holding her forehead to MC’s.

“One day, I would’ve asked you to marry me. I would’ve let you take off my veil as we sealed our love. I would’ve held your hand in public every single day, would’ve kissed you good night and good morning, would’ve…”

She felt a new rush of tears and pressed her lips to the smiling ones of MC, sobbing - and when she pulled back, she didn’t feel her love’s breath any longer.

“MC?”

No answer.

“MC?!”

“Xenia…?”

Silent.

And in that moment, Xenia found the strength to scream. Incoherent, wordless, full of pain and grief and rage and hatred, sorrow, despair, a love that was taken away, again, and left her heart ripped out entirely.

She held MC against her and sobbed, not caring to hide her emotions as usual, not caring that she knelt in a puddle of blood and had it smeared all over her, not caring that she begged MC to come back and cried for help at the same time - and that was how Ruelle found her as she slammed open the door, taking in the scene before her with utter shock and having half a mind to shoo the guards away with word to fetch a bucket of boiled water.

“She… Myrine… I… paralyzed...  I couldn’t....”

Xenia looked at her niece with such pain that Ruelle took half a step back before rushing to her side, assessing the situation in full and then rushing over to Xenia’s bag, taking out the antidote for the poison and some bandages and other salves. She swallowed and crouched down next to Xenia - thanks to her aunt’s impeccable training, she was able to stay calm for now.

“Rub yourself down. I’m…”

Ruelle swallowed, handing Xenia the antidote, slightly uncomfortable. Xenia nodded in shock and pulled back, eyes on MC as Ruelle bent over her, checking her pulse.

“She lives. Barely.”

Xenia sobbed. Ruelle swallowed and cleared her throat - and she saw Piama, Lyris and Galen in the door a moment before the Spring Princess let out a blood-curling scream. Galen almost dropped the water they carried as Lyris pulled Piama close to him and shielded her from the view.

Only Galen stepped inside, dropping the bucket at Ruelle’s side before rushing to toss her Xenia’s bag entirely, then sat down at the Spy Mistress’s side and carefully touched her arm.

“She’s in good hands. You taught her well. You’re not alone.”

Ruelle quickly washed out the wound before practically drenching it in a healing potion, fumbling around in the bag and taking out a needle and yarn.

“Let me-”

“Xenia. You’re shaking.”

With quick, methodic stitches, Ruelle sewed the wound shut tightly, happy to see that the inner layers were already slowly starting to mend thanks to the potion - after she was done, she smeared another salve around the outer layer before wrapping it up in a bandage.

Only the slight shaking in Ruelle’s voice spoke of her fear and worry, and how soft it was in comparison to usual.

Lyris and Piama carefully walked over to the bed and sat down next to Xenia - even Piama got over her usual discomfort with the Spy Mistress enough to offer one of her hands. Xenia held it.

“Piama?”

“Yes?”

“Get a thick layer of sheets. Lyris, Galen, please take the blanket and help me get MC off the floor.”

Piama rushed off - one of Ruelle’s hands reaching up and brushing her thigh as if subconsciously, and Galen and Lyris carefully, slowly moved MC in a sitting position to slow the blood flowing up, then cleaned her up best they could. By the time they were done, Piama had returned with the sheets and spread them on the bed - the old ones were rolled to prop MC’s body up diagonally, the others so she wouldn’t utterly ruin the mattress with the amount of blood still on her.

Xenia hadn’t done much over that time, just sat there like in a trance, reliving past and current trauma in a loop, seeing Val and MC melting together - Val slashed by MC, she herself letting a painless poison flow between MC’s lips, Val dying from the apple, MC passing away to an illness she couldn’t cure, blood, poison, sickness, murder, death, death, death over and over and over again.

“She lives. She will live.”

That was, until Ruelle carefully took her hand and pressed it onto MC’s chest.

A faint beating. Not strong, but unstoppable.

Ruelle leaned in and… hugged her, whispering so softly only she could hear.

“You won’t lose her.”

Those words broke through her stupor, and Xenia sobbed dryly, wrapping all arms around an increasingly alarmed Ruelle, spending moments just there before she pulled back, wiping at her eyes and wrapping all four arms around herself.

“...thank you.”

She said weakly, breath shaking as she slipped onto the bed further and leaned in to kiss MC’s forehead.

“Should we… stay?”

Piama asked softly, earning a shake of Xenia’s head.

“I’ll… wash her myself.”

(So I at least did something.)

“Tell us when she wakes up again, yes?”

“I will.”

Ruelle said, clearing her throat.

“I’ll stay here in case… she returns.”

When she woke up, the queen hadn’t moved a bit, unsurprisingly. Xenia sighed and got out of bed, stretching as she walked to the washroom and washed the traces of last night from her face, looking at her still slightly swollen, exhausted eyes.

Xenia nodded. The rest left slowly, and the Autumn princess went invisible, giving Xenia enough privacy to take a washcloth and rub the rest of the blood off silently, only stopping to kiss MC’s forehead again and again, changing the bandage slowly when she was done with it - the wound already looked a lot better.

She asked Ruelle to get some broth and she did, Xenia working in some herbs that were supposed to help her body regenerate.

After that was done, she could do nothing but wait and track Myrine on her map, figuring out the pattern eventually. She didn’t allow herself any sleep, but she couldn’t help it, the emotional and physical drain overwhelming her with exhaustion. She fell asleep at MC’s side, two arms draped around her.

“... Xen… ia…”

Her head flew around. She rushed out of the bath and sobbed as her eyes met green ones looking right up at her, a weak smile on lips that she feared would never move again.

She wiped a tear away and moved over, taking a seat next to MC and stroking her thumb over MC’s lower lip.

“Hush. Don’t strain your throat..”

MC kissed Xenia’s thumb and closed her eyes, wincing a little as she tried to lean into her palm.

“Don’t move, my love.”

The look in MC’s eyes after that made Xenia’s heart melt. MC didn’t speak, but she slowly moved her hand and placed it on her own heart first, then on Xenia’s. Xenia took it and kissed it, then did the same.

*Sorry I worried you.*

MC mouthed slowly, and Xenia just leaned in and kissed her forehead, happy she’d invested time to learn reading lips.

“You’re alive. That’s all that matters.”

She whispered softly, then pulled back to find MC smirking ever so slightly.

*It takes more than that to keep me away from you.*

*I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.*

Xenia mouthed back, and MC glared.

*Don’t you slushing dare.*

Xenia swallowed and nodded. MC stroked her cheek and then tried to pull her in. Xenia let her, and allowed MC to kiss her, softly, gently, feeling two tears slip from her eyes that MC kissed off of her cheeks before letting her pull back, softly smiling up at her.

*I’m here.*

Xenia smiled back and pressed another kiss to MC’s forehead… which was when Ruelle cleared her throat and slipped from the shadows.

“If you’re done being all sappy… can I tell the others now?”

MC mouthed a ‘yes’ and Ruelle left, leaving Xenia and her alone for a moment.

“She saved you. Stitched your wound closed. The others… helped best they could.”

MC smiled.

*And you never left.*

“I just sat there and did nothing.”

*Which no one would think to blame you for.*

“I-”

“You... stayed. You... let others... help... when you couldn’t... yourself. You… let them… comfort… you.”

“Didn’t I tell you to not strain your throat?”

“I’m… happy… you accepted… help.”

“MC…”

“I… love… you… always.”

Xenia kissed her if only to shut her up. MC kissed back softly, cupping Xenia’s cheek and deepening the kiss a little.

“And I love you.”

And for that one moment, MC’s smile blew all of her worries away.

[ilovefandoms102]

As Long as You Love me-Part 3

Pairing: Rudy Pankow x Plus Size Reader

Summary: A new chapter for Rudy and Y/N begins, will they be able to overcome the hardships with a wedding, and a baby on the way?(sequel to SOMH)

Note: Heart breaking cliff hanger ahead...also I know this doesn’t go with the timeline like at all but leave me alone this is a made up story ok(:

Also I’m still going through TT asks so don’t fret ya nasties, jkjk I love y’all and hope you enjoy!

Part 2 Part 4

=====================================

“BABY!” Rudy shouted, sprinting through the house to find me.

“What?” I asked, a spoon that previously had my favorite ice cream hanging from my mouth.

“Season 2 was approved,” he yelled, jumping around like a kid on Christmas.

“Oh my god that’s amazing!” I beamed, giggling when Rudy spun me around.

“I need you to help me film the announcement.” he said, rushing me up the stairs.

“You’re gonna have to shave,” I pouted, reaching a hand out to feel his facial hair. 

“Say goodbye,” he chuckled, laughing when I kissed all over his face, and I made sure to rub my cheeks against his. 

“Even the baby said he doesn’t want his daddy to shave.” I whined dramatically.

“Awww I’m sorry bubba, daddy will grow it back.” he cooed, both of us laughing at our goofiness. 

=====================================

“Why aren’t you packing?” Rudy asked, squinting as I laid stretched out on our bed.

“I’m not going,” I sighed, rubbing my belly.

“WHAT?!” he boomed, whipping around quickly.

“Rudy who knows when you’ll be done filming, the baby could come by then, and I don’t want to have a newborn down there.” I explained, turning my head to look at his distraught expression.

“I don’t like the thought of you being here on your own, you need to come with me.” he argued, throwing the clothes he had in hand down in his suitcase. 

“What am I supposed to do? Sit around all day? I won’t have a car and I’m not Ubering by myself.” I scoffed.

“I’m sure you could come with us, baby please just think about it.” Rudy said, leaning his head down by mine. 

“I don’t have a doctor down there for my regular appointments.” I pointed out. 

“There’s doctors in Charleston babe.” Rudy rolled his eyes, moving his head to lay it on my belly. 

“There’s also the fact that I can’t just up and leave my job for however many months.” I said, sifting my hands through his hair. 

“Take a leave of absence,” he shrugged, moving his hands around on my baby bump to listen to the baby move. 

“Sweetheart I’ll be fine here, I know you worry about us, but I have responsibilities here.” I spoke softly.

“You can’t be here all alone, just come with me. Please?” he begged, crawling on top of me to lay his head on my chest.

“I can’t Ru,” I giggled, leaning down to kiss his pouting lips.

“I seriously don’t want you here alone, it’d be different if we lived in Alaska or even back at your apartment because there’s people we know around you. All the people we know here will be gone, you’re not staying here.” Rudy rambled, anger rising in his tone.

“Rudy! I don’t want to be bored and lonely for however long you’re going to be down there.” I huffed.

Rudy stomped out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I rolled my eyes at his dramatics, hoisting myself up to waddle after him. I understood where he was coming from, but I didn’t want to leave my home. I’m a homebody, I always have been. I didn’t like to leave my house unless I absolutely had to. I found him in the kitchen, furiously washing dishes.

“Ru,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his middle. 

“I’m afraid...I’m afraid something is going to happen to you or the baby, and I won’t be here.” he confessed, sighing deeply as he turned in my hold. 

“I know baby, but I will be ok. The baby isn’t due for another five months.” I said as I got to my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

“Anything could happen in those five moths my love.” he mumbled, caressing my cheek as he stared into my eyes. 

“I know, but I will be extra careful. I promise.” I smiled, puckering my lips so he would give me a kiss. He obliged of course, but didn’t just stop at one.

Rudy was more determined to prove that I needed him around, which I knew was 75% true, but I would never tell him that. I was going to prove that I was fine on my own, even if deep down I didn’t want to be without him. This led me to now as I stood in our kitchen, struggling to reach a cup on one of the higher shelves in the cabinet.

“Dammit,” I hissed, standing on my tiptoes.

“Need some help my love?” Rudy asked, smirking as I struggled.

“No,” I grunted, walking over to drag a chair to the counter. Rudy gasped when I climbed on top of it, rushing over to me.

“Baby!” he shouted, holding my hips as I reached for the cup.

“Got it,” I smiled, laughing at his angry expression. 

“You are just trying to give me a heart attack,” he grumbled, slapping my ass which made me laugh harder.

Another instance I was in the shower, happily minding my own business when my bottle of soap fell off the shelf and landed right on my foot.

“Son of a bitch!” I gritted out.

“What the hell happened?” Rudy questioned, opening the shower door.

“I’m fine, just broke my fucking toe.” I hissed, going to pick it up.

“Let me get it,” he rushed, hopping in the shower with me.

“You’re getting your clothes all wet babe!” I laughed.

“Guess I should take them off then hmmm?” he smirked, slowly stripping himself.

“You only came in here to get some, not even to help your pregnant fiance.” I tutted, shaking my head in mock disappointment. 

“My pregnant fiance dropped that soap on purpose to get me in here to give her some.” he grinned, walking me back against the cold tile. 

“That’s an awful accusation Mr. Pankow,” I murmured, staring down at his lips.

“I think you need to be punished for that future Mrs. Pankow,” Rudy smiled, wrapping his hand around my throat to pull me to his lips.

=====================================

“You’re sure you’ll be okay?” Rudy asked for the tenth time in five minutes.

“Yes honey, we will be just fine. If anything changes, I will let you know.” I chuckled as we stood at the front of the security check.

Rudy brought me into his arms, rocking us back and forth. I took in his scent, ingraining it into my memory. I didn’t know when we would be able to see each other again, but I hoped it wasn’t too long because we both didn’t want to miss any milestones of my pregnancy together. He pulled away slightly, bending down to kiss my belly.

“Alright little guy, I need you to be good to momma ok? I love both of you so much.” he spoke softly, my heart fluttering in my chest when he kissed my belly.

 Rudy came back up to his full height, taking my face in his hands to smash his lips to mine. I threw my arms around his neck, taking one hand to pull his hair lightly. His hands traveled further to give my ass a playful squeeze, my hands immediately grabbing his to pull them away. We laughed into each other’s lips, leaving sweet kisses on random patches of skin. 

“Don’t have too much fun without me.” I mumbled.

“I love you,” he smiled, caressing my cheek.

“I love you more Ru,” I whispered.

=====================================

A week later, I was sent a post from a fan account. Nothing new, I was sent stuff all the time, but this one caught my attention. I hadn’t checked anything on Instagram today, so I clicked on the link to JD’s dad’s post. There was a picture of Rudy, JD, and fucking Elaine in a living room. The caption read ‘roommates’, and I saw red.

Hell. Fucking. No.

I called Maddie B, seething as I paced around my house.

“Hey girlie,” she greeted.

“Was no one going to tell me that Elaine is staying in the establishment as Rudy?” I griped.

“What? I didn’t even know that.” she gasped.

“Someone sent me JD’s dad’s post with all of them looking cozy in their apartment.” I growled, rifling through my closet for my suitcase.

“What are you doing? I can hear you shuffling shit.” she asked.

“I’m buying the next ticket over there Madison. She is not about to make a move on my baby daddy and not suffer the consequences.” I spoke angrily, shoving clothes in the bag. 

“Ok, ok calm down. Let’s think about this.” Maddie B soothed.

“Already thought it over, I’ll be there in the next 24 hours.” I hissed, hanging up the phone. I called Rudy immediately after, holding the phone to my ear. 

“Hi honey, everything ok?” he asked, worry taking over his tone.

“Yeah I’m good, but I changed my mind. I want to stay with you while you film, I don’t like being by myself, and you were right if something does happen I won’t have anyone with me.” I said, no way I was going to tell him the real reason I was flying over.

“That’s fine my love, I’ll talk to them about getting us our own apartment. I’ve been sharing one with JD and his dad. It’s been great, but I miss holding you and feeling the baby.” he confessed, a small smile gracing my lips.

“Awww baby, I miss you, but I’ll be there within the next 24 hours. I’m booking the plane ticket now, I love you.” I spoke softly, imagining his blushing cheeks and his eyes lighting up the times we had been apart only to meet again. 

“Love you baby,” he murmured, both of us hanging up at the same time.

=====================================

 I didn’t expect to be crying when I arrived, my heart torn into a million pieces. I had Rudy’s post notifications on, so when I saw he had posted something on his story, of course I clicked to see. I was horrified to see a picture of Elaine, then in the next one, a video of them shooting some kind of nerf gun to see who could make the shot. I almost dropped my phone, anger and sadness surging through me. 

Rudy was filming today, so he had sent someone to pick me up. I sat and mulled over my thoughts, wondering why...why he would post something with her when he hardly posts stuff of me. I looked down at my slightly protruding belly, mindlessly feeling around it. I knew Rudy loved me, I knew he did, but if he was going to constantly forgive Elaine and want her in our life...I wasn’t sure if I could go through with this. 

I went to the apartment Rudy had got for us, not bothering to unpack since I didn’t think I’d be staying here tonight. I sat on the couch and cried, wondering what was so wrong with me that Rudy was constantly going back to her. I wondered if he wished she was having his child instead of me. Rudy walked in a few hours later, smiling at my bags sitting by the door before his eyes came to me.

“Baby, what’s wrong?!” he asked, rushing over to me. 

“Do you not care at all about our relationship Rudy...our ENGAGEMENT?!” I exclaimed, his face furrowed up in confusion.

“What are you talking about?” Rudy questioned, but then something clicked as his face softened with realization.

“Yeah, I saw your story. You know what she’s capable of Rudy, time and time again she has tried to come between us. Did you not think how this would make me feel?” I hissed, standing up from the couch to pace the living room. 

“We’re all just good friends, you’re overthinking this way too much.” he sighed, rubbing his face.

“No I’m not Rudy, you hardly ever post shit with me, so what makes her so special?” I growled.

“Honey it was just-” he started.

“No Rudy, if she was really your friend, then she wouldn’t constantly go out of her way to break us apart.” I shouted, making my way towards the door. 

“That’s not what’s going on, I love you!” Rudy exasperated, following after me. 

“If you wanna be with her so bad, give her this for me.” I seethed, yanking my engagement ring off and throwing it at him. His eyes went wide as he somehow caught it with both hands. 

“My love, your hormones are out of whack, let’s just calm down-” he spoke softly. 

“I want her nowhere near me, I didn’t want her near you, and she’s not to come even close to my baby.” I raged, gripping the door handle.

“Our baby,” he muttered.

“You wanna be with her so bad, he’s my baby.” I laughed humorlessly, yanking open the door. I left Rudy standing there with the most heartbreaking expression I had ever seen.

=====================================

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[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-One [PT. 2]

Words: 2.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of domestic abuse

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"Your little one is here as of right now." Dr. Telille says, pointing to a very little area to the far side of my womb and I smile before she switches the focus slightly and then looks at the screen with a slightly odd look before flipping through my chart. "At your previous Obstetrician, did they mention any abnormalities?" She asks me. 

"No." I shake my head. 

"You said in your history you've had recurrent miscarriages?" She asks next. 

"Yes." 

"Okay, Mrs. Sixx, don't be alarmed by this because there is a solution but this," she turns the screen to me again, pointing at a shadow in the picture that looks like it's creating bunny ears or something. "Is a layer of tissue that's not supposed to be there. It halts fetal growth, and ultimately causes miscarriages, often times even before a fetus is interacting with the tissue itself, physically." She informs me and I feel like my chest is throbbing from how hard my heart is beating. "The good news is that we can fix this, I've had to do a few surgeries like this before--we can go in and cut that tissue out without disturbing your baby, but we will need to have it done within the next week--two weeks at the most." She explains and I raise my brows. 

"What's my chance of carrying out my pregnancy to term without the surgery?" I ask, trying to stay calm. 

"With a successful surgery, there is a 80% chance of you carrying it to term, and a higher chance at not facing as many pregnancy difficulties in the future like you've had previously. Without the surgery, with your history, it's very, very probable that you won't get to four months without miscarrying--if that far." She adds. 

"What's the risk of this surgery causing complications?" I ask next. 

"30%." She replies and I breathe out. "You don't have to make a decision today, you can go home and think about it and talk about it with the father but we need to get it scheduled in the next few days." 

"Um, o-okay…" I rub my lips together. 

"And if you are interested in the surgery, we can go ahead and send it in and see if insurance will cover it." She assures me. 

"I don't have maternity insurance right now." I tell her and she looks at me uneasily. 

"No worries, we can figure the costs out after you decide if you want it or not." She tells me, calmly, and I just nod. 

I numbed myself. I would've been freaking out, having a meltdown, begging God to spare my damn baby for once...but as soon as she started in on what was wrong with me, the negative outcomes...I flicked the switch in my brain and just let myself feel absolutely nothing as best as I could. My nervousness was relief compared to blatant breakdown mode that I knew would hit inevitably.

And how the hell did I tell Duff and Nikki that I was going to need surgery that could potentially terminate my pregnancy--or suffer what I'd suffered before and still lose a baby? Oh, right. I didn't. At least, not as soon as I probably should have.

When I get to my new little house I'm renting with my savings, Duff's sitting on the little porch, drinking a beer. 

"How'd it go?" He asks me, standing up as I unlock the door. 

He couldn't go with me this time because he had to go look at a couple houses with Mandy, which I understand because they had already canceled once with a real-estate agent and would get charged extra if they missed another appointment. 

"Good." I lie, clearing my throat. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." 

Whisky's barking at us until he realizes it's me, and then he won't get out from under my feet until I pat him on the head. 

"I need to finish unpacking." I say before Duff can ask anymore questions. 

"Well, it's your lucky day because I know how to unpack." He states, grinning. 

I go change into pajamas and when I get back, he's pulling pictures from one of the boxes, neatly placing them on the coffee table in the living room and I pick them up and start figuring out where to put them. 

"So, my family really wants me to bring you up." He says, optimistically. "I was thinking leave Sunday and come back next Saturday."

"...Duff, I can't just up and leave right now. I have to finish unpacking, and I'm gonna be meeting with Nikki once a week and then him and the guys once a week so that's two different…" I trail off as he cuts open another one of my packed boxes with his pocket knife, a look of disappointment on his face. "...It's not that I don't want to, you know. I just have a lot going on right now." 

"We'd just be gone for a week." He says, looking at me. "It's the only time off I have for a while since we're doing a few shows in New York and Europe." He adds. "And I really want my family to know you, kinda, before you have the baby." 

"I don't know." I hesitantly tell him and he licks his lips. "I don't know, Duff, okay? I just...ughhh." I groan, raking my hands through my hair. 

"If you don't want to meet my family then don't worry about it, Vivian." He says it a little passive aggressively and I raise my brows. 

"'Vivian'? Since when the hell am I 'Vivian'?" I ask, mimicking his tone. 

"That's your name isn't it?" He asks next and I cross my arms.

"You usually call me 'Viv', or...something…"

"Well, I'm not calling you, 'babe,' or, 'baby,' since we aren't dating anymore so…"

"You're being a dick." 

"I'm not being a dick. I'm just family oriented and I want my family to know you and our kid and you're making up excuses to not go and meet them."

"Excuse me for not wanting to be judged." I snap back. 

"They're not fucking judgemental." 

"Oh, so you're cussing at me now, too, huh?" 

"Quit trying to start an argument." He tells me. 

"I'm not starting an argument, I'm making a valid point." 

"You're making an assumption." He corrects me. "My family isn't judgemental. They're really not. I don't even think they're worried with the fact that you were married when we got together because they haven't said a word about it. They just want to meet you." 

"Matt didn't seem so cool about it." I mumble. 

"Matt was trying to keep both of us out of trouble." He explains. "He wasn't judging you. He just doesn't like drama and if we would've gotten caught he knew it'd just be a bunch of bullshit we'd have to get thrown at us." 

I just stare at him. 

"And I'm sorry for cussing at you, but I'm trying to be positive about all of this and I really don't want you to start bringing in your negativity." He exhales. 

"My negativity?" I raise my brows, laughing humorlessly. 

"Please, just come to Seattle with me next Sunday. I promise it'll be fun and my family's fun, they don't mean any harm by wanting you to come up and visit--they're already talking about planning a trip when it's born to be here for you and me both for a few days." He adds. 

I think about it, seeing his eyes glint a little as he slowly smiles at me like a hopeful puppy. 

"Okay." I relent and he puts his hands above his head, folding them together, letting out a loud, "Hallelujah!" and I roll my eyes, trying to hold back a chuckle. 

The truth is, I don't want to leave Nikki stewing that long after revealing to him my miscarriages. He never came back when he left the therapy session yesterday, and I was supposed to go back today but decided I needed another day to just think about everything, but because of Amber's schedule, we won't be able to get back in the same room together--aside from me just visiting him--until next Wednesday...but with Duff wanting to leave Sunday and come back that Saturday, I won't be able to meet then, either. A part of me isn't even sorry that I won't make it since the morale of Nikki's story is that he married a maestro of manipulation that can play victim like no other but is really an evil bitch who loves to make people suffer. 

I gathered that after reading: 

"I married a fucking demon."

"Vivian climbed from hell just to neuter me." 

"My wife's a fucking lunatic." 

"I sometimes think Vivian's waiting for me to die so she can get the money." 

"I hate her." 

"I don't know what's killing me faster: my looney wife, or smack. Doesn't matter--they're both my drug of choice." 

"If she didn't know how to fuck I would've already left her." 

"She flushed every bit of what Jason dropped off last night. Cost me a couple grand. I'm so pissed, if I knew she wouldn't beat the shit out of me and go batshit-ballistic, I'd lay her out on the fucking floor. I'm sure it'd be like foreplay in her sick mind, anyway." 

"I swear she cums every time she belittles me." 

And, my personal favorite: 

"Just woke up from a fucking nightmare. I was fucking around with Vivian and Vanity and once they got their satisfaction they started eating me alive while talking about their love for God. Even with them gnawing on me alive with their shark-like teeth and their completely black eyes, stripping flesh from my bone and going at it like a fucking pork chop, I was turned on. But as soon as they started about God, how good and wonderful he was, that's when I started panicking a little that I OD'd without realizing it and was in hell or some fucking incarnation of it. I see now that's how they both got me, being hot and knowing exactly what to do to get me going. And now they're both sucking the life out of me, eating me alive, while praying to their God and acting like they're blameless in my destruction. CHICKS = TROUBLE." 

At least we both agree that we married demons.

It was strange for me to realize how he saw me--well, how Sikki saw me. Once I was able to differentiate between the two of them, it hurt less reading what he'd write about me. It was just confusing. 

One page would be an entire rant (with unflattering, random song lyrics to match) about something I did that pissed him off--sometimes things I wouldn't even realize I did to make him upset and then the next page would be decently positive things about me that he'd profess after waking up sort of sober…

I knew he felt guilty about how he treated me, most of the entries from the end of '83 to '87 had "I'm an asshole" or "I really fucked up" or some version of it in them but the deeper into '87 he got, the less and less apologetic he got. Both in real time and his dairies. 

Despite the black and white of his diaries, one thing still lingered in the grey area…

I stare at the little TV on my dresser, bowl of captain crunch in hand as I stuff my face while flipping channels, Whisky gnawing on his chew toy as a flickering, fuzzy and static blaring familiar face flashes across the screen as I turn to the next channel. My heart stops for a moment, my finger immediately going back, the screen and audio clearing as I see her. 

Clear eyed and competent. A far removal from what I last saw of her with her gnashing teeth and tortured eyes, spewing at Nikki and I both before he and her got into a fight that left her dragged down the stairs of our old house...guilt tugs at me, remembering the look on her face, the pain, the hurt...perhaps she felt as bad as I did about the situation. 

He was the one telling her he was going to leave me and marry her, after all. My feury swallowed him before it ever thought about swallowing her. 

"...I'm currently looking at other scripts for other films." She replies very calm and composed to whatever question her interviewer was asking...I'm assuming this is part of her press run for her new movie coming out. 

"If you could write a ticket for yourself, Vanity, what would it be?" The woman asks next and she furrows her brows, slightly. 

"Write a ticket? To go somewhere?" 

"No, write a ticket for the rest of your life, and your career. Just everything about your life." She explains. 

"Ohhh," She thinks a moment before shaking her head slightly. "I wouldn't want to do that, actually, because, um, everytime I turn around something new's happening. I'm a very spontaneous person. I just like to get up and go, and I've been doing that since I was fifteen...so, um, I couldn't say I'd like to write that ticket." She chuckles a little, but not the crack-cackle I was used to seeing in her past interviews. 

She's actually sober here. 

"I just wanna go wherever life takes me." She continues. 

"What you're saying then, is, you couldn't write a ticket because what you would write wouldn't be as good as what could happen?" 

"No, I don't--"

"--No?"

"No, I don't think that, I'm not saying that at all. I feel that I have certain goals in my life. Very big, big, dreams that I set for myself. But I wouldn't wanna, um, question God's way about where he's going with me." She states. "That's just...not me." 

"If you could go back and change anything--"

"--Nothing." Vanity says, biting her lip nervously, shaking her head. 

"Any of the decisions?"

"Nothing." 

"Wouldn't change a thing?" 

"Nothing." She buckles down on it and I feel my eyes gloss over. "Wouldn't change a thing…" she trails off, thinking for a second. "...Can't say that I would." She adds, softly. "Because each time that I've done something, whether it be a mistake in my life, it's always...what you might call a mistake in my life is never a mistake to me. It was a definite meant to be and it was a definite learning process. So all the pain and all the glory...I wouldn't change a thing."

She's so unapologetically sincere. 

I cut the TV off as they start closing out the interview, and toss the remote across the room, losing my appetite and putting my bowl on my nightstand before I allow myself to replay what she just said. 

And I cry, not because she was in a relationship with him, not because she tried to steal him from me...I cry because I regret everything. I regret marrying Nikki. I regret meeting Duff. I regret getting pegnant. 

I'm not angry at her.

I envy her.

[statticscribbles]

Heathers

Summary: Kurtz/Reader Request: If Kurtz was JD in Heathers; set to Heathers (Sorry the songs are out of order i think it fits better)

You’re not sure what to expect; all your friend had said was the Bulldogs knew how to have a wicked good time and you’re not expecting any less when she brings you to a mansion of a house where you can already hear music and laughter streaming from it. You’re laughing, having been given at least four jello shots and some sort of Jangle infused drink; you’re pretty sure it was watered down vodka mixed with Jangle but either way you can tell you’re not sober when the Riverdale kids seem to crowd the front door.

“Jesus fucking christ!” You can see the Serpent’s all in black and you make your way forward watching as Lance, the head Ghoulie grins from the doorway. “Leave.” You’re not sure how they can hear each other but you know the alcohol and jangle thrumming in your system is responsible. “I didn’t realize the Serpent’s went soft; and pink too. You should let him in, isn’t your whole thing acceptance?” You looking the girl in the pink sweater up and down laughing before you nudge her out of the way. You don’t mean for her to trip but she does stumbling backwards and you watch the Serpent’s advance. Lance pulls you behind him and you roll your eyes. “I’m fine Lance.”

“Okay.” He smirks spinning you around where you vomit onto the ground and half of the pink girls jeans. ————————————————————————————-

“Holy shit!” “One of the Ghoulies is getting the shit beat outta him!!!” You glance nervously around, you know that Lance hadn’t been transferred over to Riverdale and you wonder who they’re talking about. You make your way to the lunchroom, frozen as the ghoulie is in the middle, hands up, one of the Bulldogs pinning him onto the table by the throat; the grin on his face is worrying, stretching in the way that hints he knows something the Bulldogs don’t. “Holy fuck.” You watch as he twists to the side, foot hooked behind the Bulldogs leg so when he moves it sends him toppling to the ground. He stands brushing his leather jacket off smirking.

You watch the rest of the students milling around before you turn your attention to where the Ghoulie is leaning over the stairwell where he winks at you. “You wanna see a snake fly?” You frown looking up confused before he hauls up Fangs Fogarty and dangles him half off the second story landing. “Fuck this is gonna-“ You’re shoved out of the way as Fangs is dropped, Jughead and Sweet Pea coming to his rescue. You watch the look on the Ghoulies face; he seems angry; you’re not sure if its cause he didn’t kill Fangs or if its cause you were shoved. He finds you moments later pulling you with surprising softness towards the chemistry room; where upon inspection in the hazard shower’s mirror you find you have a scrape on the side of your face and he has bruised knuckles and a split lip.

“I can help?” He nods grinning as he lets you clean the blood from his knuckles. “Thank you.”He grins and you shrug. “It’s nothing I took a summer CPR and first aid course.” “Huh really?” “Did you take it too?” “No that’s just really useful; considering I spent the summer getting the shit beat outta me.”

—————————————————————————— “Kurtz?” You question and he smiles at you from where you’ve walked into Pop’s “You okay?” “Course.” “You’ve been here before?” You nudge his foot off the side of the booth and slide into it. “No; they’re all the same.” “Milkshakes?” You gesture to the three empty glasses. “No; small towns.” “Oh?”

“Been through too many to pay attention them anymore; you’re the only thing that’s caught my attention.” Kurtz stand grabbing what you assume is a to go shake and waltzing outside, you follow. “Kurtz?” “I’m fine.” “How many of those have you had?”You watch as he empties three jangle tubes into his shake. “Two besides these three. Assuming you mean the Jangle not the shakes.” He grins and you nod. “Jesus, how do you hide that from your parents?”

“My what?” He laughs. Pulling you against him offering the shake out. You shake your head. “What happened?” “To me? Or them?” “Both?”you question and he shrugs. “They got too into drugs; couldn’t pay back there dealer; he’s my uncle now; we move around a lot. Hence the diner’s.” “What about them.” “They’re always the same; it’s a comfort.” “So what you’ll just wait till you move and drain the next one of all of it’s shakes?” He grins shaking his head. “Don’t wanna leave now; not with you here.”

———————————————————————- “Hey Jones, you fall off your bike or something?. Didn’t take you for a klutz.” You call out laughing when you point to the scar on his shoulder. Betty narrows her eyes at you. “You’re a ghoul right? You should know all about how that happened.” She snarls and you tilt your head. “I wasn’t aware the Ghouls were still in business, let alone threatening a teenager like myself.” “You better watch it.”

“Or what you’ll get the snakes to beat me up? What is that ten against one, yikes not good odds, betcha you’d make bank on bets though.” You watch the way Betty smirks and you remember she practically owns the Blue and Gold as well as the River Vixens. “I’ve told you to stay in your lane before.” “Seems like my lane is getting small and smaller these days.” You bite back and she nods.

“Watch it.” Cheryl grins like a shark and you slink out of school after practice wandering around until you spot Kurtz in Pop’s window. “Hey.” He looks up smirking. “Hey. You need something?” Your grin matches his as you pull his burger over. “Food I’m starved and Cooper’s gonna kill me tomorrow.” “Last meal then.” You grin at him. He laughs nodding. You leave after eating half of his food and wander around town until you decide you shouldn’t just wait to die.

When you make it front of a relatively normal looking house you watch for a moment seeing the downstairs light go off and a new light appear on the window to the left, you reason the right is Kurtz room and you climb up the ladder that’s been left on the side of the house. “Kurtz?” You mumble into the darkness watching as he sits up, light turning on. “Y/N the fuck you doing in my room.” “I decided to change my last meal.” “Oh? To what?” “You.” He pulls you against him kissing you until you can’t breathe. “Please Kurtz?” You mumble dragging his hands against your skin and under your clothes. “Come on; I’m yours.” He swallows anything else you were going to say in a kiss. —————————————————————————

“Y/N. You okay?” “Yeah fine.” You try to shrug off how Kurtz leans over to look at you. “What happened?” You turn from him shrugging. “Nothing.” “Y/N.” You try your best not too look him in his eyes but you can’t help watching as his hand brushes your shoulder and up to your face. “Come on Y/N, was it the Bulldogs? The Serpents? Who hurt you?” You chew your lip. “They didn’t mean it Kurtz I swear; it was just at that party before you came in Lance was trying to be funny got me tangled up in the Serpent’s radar for puking on Betty. It’s not a big deal.” “You have a handprint on your cheek from where someone slapped you. That’s more than enough.”

“Kurtz, please don’t hurt anyone like you tried to hurt Fangs.” “I won’t. I promise; no hurting anyone like Fangs.” “How do I know you’ll keep it?” You feel his hand drifting up to your uninjured cheek brushing it softly. “I love you. I won’t let anything I or anyone else does take you away from me.” You flush when he kisses you. He pulls back calling a boy over. “Hey Ricky; you know your friend JellyBean? I have a quest for both of you; sound fun?” Kurtz grins and you roll your eyes fondly as he pulls out his G&G book. “Yeah, can we start now Game Master?” “Of course. Go wild.” He grins and you laugh Ricky turns. “Oh is this your princess?” Kurtz nods and you laugh more; turning as Ricky leaves. “Princess? Have I been missing out on getting spoiled then?” You laugh as he pulls you against him kissing you.

———————————————————————————— “Kurtz? Jughead said that you were trying to kill his little sister? That she’s missing?” Kurtz turns shaking his head smiling at you. “No she’s staying at Ricky’s I gave them one of those like two day off board quests. They’re pretty involved.” He smiles pulling you into his arms kissing you. “Nothing to worry about, now would you be willing to come with me to Pop’s?” “On a date?” You grin and he nods pulling you closer resting his head on yours. “Jone’s is gonna say all sorts of nasty shit about me. He and Cooper, and her friends have it out for me. Think it’s cause I used to run with the Ghouls.” “I’m guessing that’s why I’m preferred dead as well.” You laugh and Kurtz shakes his head in disbelief.

“You weren’t a Gargoyle though?” “Yeah I got out of it after the Ghoul’s went up north. Didn’t want to be without ‘em. Figured I could go back to being a normal high schooler ya know.” “And look how easily that went out the window.” he nods and you shrug. “I’ve had worse than some wannabe gang leader calling my boyfriend a kidnapper just cause he doesn’t like his little sister’s new friend.” Kurtz nods kissing you once more. “Stay with me?” “Always.” You hum as he gestures to his bike, you swing on it before curling against his back.

————————————————————————————- You know you weren’t meant to find out what was actually going on with the Jones’; everything that they were going to suffer through; you hate how fitting it was for them and you can’t help but feel less sorry than you should as you read through the instructions and plans Kurtz had been given and laid out. You read through confused at the addition of a gun; none of the parts of the quest had bothered saying to threaten them; the idea that Jellybean was going to be hurt was more than enough motivation. You get to the last pages something about ascension and you remember Kurtz mentioning it as a sort of prize at the end of the game. You know you shouldn’t be poking around in it; everyone had been saying it was how those kids ended up dead but when you overhear Betty and Jughead talking about it; talking about the suicide does the gun being added click into place.

“Y/N can I ask you something?”You turn where he pauses tracing patterns on your bare shoulder as you sit up from his chest. “Of course.” “If I was going to; would you ascend with me?” “Don’t I have to play the game? When are you planning it?” You laugh a little and he shrugs. “Just, would you?” He watches and you nod slowly.

“Of course. I want to be with you.” He smiles nodding back and kissing you. “I love you.” “I love you too.” You untangle yourself from him in the middle of the night. You hate the idea of going to the Serpent’s but you tap on one of the trailer doors. “Hey Fang’s right?” You watch the Serpent nod, half asleep. “Yeah you’re Kurtz-“ “He’s going to try to kill me.” —————————————————————————————–

You don’t care that the Serpent’s are staying out of it. You’d thrown together a convincing ‘sleeping body’ in your bed and then returned to following Jones out towards where you knew Jellybean wasn’t. You watch as he pulls the gun nodding towards Jughead. You don’t say anything staying in the shadows and waiting. You watch, they’re talking, it’s taking too long you wonder why Jughead is trying to keep him talking. You watch as he shoves Jughead into the box and locks it. You stumble forward when he raises the gun. “Kurtz?” He turns frowning. “Y/N, no you’re not supposed to be here! You should be in bed!” “So one of the Gargoyles can kill me?” “No so you don’t have any part in this, so you’re safe!” He shouts and you cringe back. “Kurtz, just-“ You step closer as he steps back and you pause.

“Please Kurtz; please.” You reach forward and can see him lower the gun slightly, it shakes and you nod. “Just please put-“ He shoves you down firing into the dark. “Stay down, don’t move. Please Y/N don’t move.” He mumbles as he shakes you slightly, you assume someone is waiting in the shadows to see the job through, hence why he shot at them. He leans over you pressing his forehead to yours.

“I’m sorry. Just give me a minute okay baby? Just a second I swear; I’ll be back when its safe.” You’re confused when he presses a line of tape over your mouth and steps back. You hear the gun go off once more. You wonder if he hit anyone. ——————————————————————————-

“It’ll be okay.” You know he’s talking to you but you don’t bother looking back up to him. “You’ll be fine; now that this whole Gargoyle king business is over you can go back to actually being a normal high schooler.” He laughs and you turn your head away. “Y/N? You okay?” You look over to see Jughead and the rest of the Serpents. “Yeah. Fine.” They don’t say anything just nod and you turn back to watch Kurtz face crinkle in annoyance. “You shouldn’t hang out with them. Serpent’s are as dumb as a sack of rocks.” He laughs and you shake your head. “Had more sense than you.” “Low blow Y/N; Low blow.”

“Should’ve taken your own advice.” “And what? Shot my heart? I wasn’t about to shoot you.” “Could grazed your arm; something to shed blood but not;” “Not what?” Kurtz twists scowling as you start to cry. “Hey Y/N; you okay? We’re going to get Pop later; you want to come?” You nod turning away from the carved stone and the gargoyle statue that sits in front of it. “Yeah sounds good.”

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[detectivedreameater]

Help, I’m Alive || Evelyn and Marley

TIMING: About a week ago PARTIES: @thronesofshadows SUMMARY: Marley needs help feeding and Evelyn is there to offer her support. The unspoken questions between them continue to fester. CONTENT: Head trauma, head injury mention

This was pathetic. Marley stared at her hands in her lap and tried her hardest to concentrate on them. Her abilities were failing her. She couldn’t even get herself to turn fully intangible anymore, feeling her own body flicker in and out of existence when she tried. It was why she couldn’t feed. And she was suffering for it. Aching and weary and exhausted, she’d finally had to give in. She wasn’t going to just let herself starve, and she wasn’t going to take it from people who she cared about. Or, well, used to care about. The one lesson that had remained in tact from this entire experience was that Marley was not cut out to care about other people. Evelyn was only an exception because of her species. She had to keep telling herself that. It was the only way she was going to make it through any of this with any ounce of sanity. Finally, there was a knock on the door, and Marley rose far too quickly, still forgetting the state of her head. The world swirled for a moment, before she blinked and came back to herself enough to walk over to the door, slowly, and open it. “You made it,” she said and an unconscious smile fell on her face, “thanks for coming.”

Marley needed her, and Evelyn couldn’t refuse her - didn’t wish to, either. Whatever worries that were possibly present in the back of her mind about the mara who had visited Alain could be allayed at least until she knew Marley was safe. Perhaps after that, she’d poke around -- even if it wasn’t Marley (and she didn’t want to assume), perhaps Marley knew who might have done that. She knocked on Marley’s door, carefully arranging her hair, tucking a few loose strands behind her ears. “Of course. I would have done this countless times before.” She shrugged off her riding jacket as she entered Marley’s home, folding it over her arm. “I will admit this is not an aspect of our skills that I have a significant level of experience with, but I will admit that my recent feedings resulted in especially delightful fears. Where should we go? Your room? We can also just as easily do it in any free space you have. I just do not believe that the middle of the entryway is the very best location.” She grinned. “Despite the circumstances, it is lovely to see you.” I missed you, she wanted to say, but held off.

It was nice to know she could seemingly pass as being alright. Marley tried her best to make herself look okay, and it was both a boon and bane that the injury plaguing her was as invisible as she could get at night. Maybe it was karma or something. Still, the relief she felt when she saw Evelyn wasn’t something she could hide. She let Evelyn step inside and remove her jacket before she reached for her, tentatively at first, and wrapped her arms around the other woman. Too much had been lost, she wasn’t sure she could’ve bared having to lose her, too. The things Marley’s mind chose to cling to were strange to her, but right now, she couldn’t think about it. Right now, she needed Evelyn. “My room is fine,” she said, taking her jacket from her gently and hanging it up on the stand next to the door. Tugged on her hand. “It’s nice to see you, too,” she said, giving as much of a smile as she could muster for the moment. “It’s been too long. I...sorry. I didn’t mean for time to get away from me like that.” Or at all, really. But not talking to Evelyn meant she was stowed away in a safe place where Roy and his goonies couldn’t touch her. Now that that was over, however, Marley didn’t know where her hesitation lay. 

Marley was hugging her - or at least some sort of facsimile of a hug, Evelyn still didn’t quite know how to grasp the idea of physical affection - for it was something that her father had rarely afforded her, and something she rarely sought out in others outside of spending the night with them. Cecily’s nightmares were a stinging reminder of how she and her father did have more similarities than she would have ever preferred to admit, and that she did still push down. Especially now, when there were far more important things to focus on. “Okay.” Evelyn replied, voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you.” She let Marley take her jacket and nodded. Gave the other woman’s hand a small squeeze, nodding. “It is alright. Just so long as you are still here for me.” I cannot lose you, and perhaps that was why finding out who she fed on was less important now, if only because she knew that the last time the two of them had had even part of a confrontation about that - back with Nadia - it was more of a lecture than anything else, though Evelyn couldn’t fault Marley for that. Maybe sometime later, she assured herself. When you and she are all good and better, maybe then you can have more of a discussion. She followed Marley over to her room. “So I know this will not be the same rush that you get when you properly feed, but it will do something. I can give you all that I am able. How does - is that quite alright?”

Marley led Evelyn out of the kitchen, through the living room, and up to her bedroom. JD scurried from off the bed and into the bathroom but she paid no mind to him, tugging Evelyn over. “I--” she started, blinking heavily, then furrowed her brow, “I want to be. But I don’t know...when I’ll be able to yet. My head is still…” she licked her lips, glanced at Evelyn. She hated the shame in having to ask for this, in having to rely on someone else. Motioned for her to sit on the bed with her. “It’s okay, I don’t need a lot, I just need--” something, anything. Her body felt as if it were withering and her hands shook with a greater tremor than before. “I just need a little.” She wasn’t even sure how this happened, how this worked. She’d never needed it back when she’d lived with the other mara, and she’d never known another mara since. Held out her hands. “Thank you,” she said again, quieter this time. Smaller.

She let Marley guide her, let her friend be in control. It was easier to do, given the trust she placed in her. Evelyn eyed Marley’s pet for a moment, her mind flashing back to when she’d had a horse as a child because that was what normal little girls did, before she swallowed the lump in her throat and refocused back on what Marley was saying. “I understand. Or at least I work to understand as much as I am able.” She moved to sit down next to Marley and adjusted her breathing. “I will give you anything I can.” She took Marley’s hands in her own. “You do not have to thank me, but you are welcome, of course. I think - I think just touching you should do the trick. I know that mara who have children can give some of the fear to them - I never experienced this, but I have been told as such. I have never had the chance to do it for anyone else.”

“Well,” Marley swallowed, feeling the weariness still gripping her bones, “there’s a first time for everything, right?” She took Evelyn’s hands-- they were so much different than Anita’s and Lydia’s, they felt somehow bigger but smoother. Anita’s hands were always cold and Marley had always enjoyed holding them between hers and warming them. Lydia’s hands were small and gentle but always had such a warmth to them that felt so reassuring. Evelyn’s hands were almost just like Marley’s, unsure and wavering, trying to decide where to land. She looked up at her and nodded, squeezing to give a small reassurance. “Okay,” she breathed, “I’m ready.”

“Yes, I suppose there is.” She ran her thumb against Marley’s hand, her delicate fingertips and touch doing what little she could to help reassure Marley. Evelyn took a free hand and brushed it through Marley’s hair before pressing her hand - her fingers - against Marley’s temple, gentle and yet firm all the same. “I - does this work?” She did her best to concentrate the feeling of feeding on Cecily, the utter pleasure that came along with seeing what the older woman feared. “I can give you a bit, I wish I could do more.” She sat there silently for a moment, concentrating her energy as best as she was able. I wish my mother could see this, was all she thought. Or Melanie. “How are you feeling? I am not done, but how is it so far?”

Evelyn’s fingers felt nice. They felt nice against her hand and nice brushing through her hair, against her head. As soon as she touched her temple and concentrated, Marley could feel it. The rush of fear that swelled into her from Evelyn’s hand. It started filling up all the empty spaces in her chest where she felt starved and broken. It didn’t mend anything, it didn’t make her mind feel better, or her pain lessened, but it made her heart stop pounding and her abdomen stop clenching. The relief was palpable. “It works,” she breathed, “it’s working. I’m feeling better, thank you,” she reached up and squeezed Evelyn’s hand, “thank you. I-- if you can keep going…” She needed more. She needed to be fixed more, feel less broken. She wanted to stop aching.

She wished she could have done this for Melanie, Evelyn found herself thinking. She would do this, if she ever had children but she doubted that she would - and moreover, she wasn’t sure if she did want children. They’d be lesser mara because of her to begin with, and if she didn’t have them with a mara, then it would be even worse. She pushed the thought out of her mind, instead focusing on Marley. That was why she was here and that was what mattered right now. “Good. I am glad - you,” she squeezed Marley’s hand back, still managing to be feather-light with her touches. “Yes, I can. I cannot do so much, I do not think our bodies allow for that, but I will give you all I can, alright?” She leaned into it, closing her eyes, concentrating. “You know I will do anything for you.”

“I know,” Marley replied, her voice strained, “I just need--” to feel okay, in some capacity. In any way possible-- “a little more.” Evelyn’s words ricocheted in her head. Why had so many people come to care about Marley? She’d used every single one of them. From Erin to Anita to Evelyn. Even Lydia. Even Jane. That’s all she ever did, that was the only person she knew how to be. Relationships of any kind were too risky when you were all alone. They were only worth it if she got something out of it, something beneficial to her. So why had things changed here? What did she get from pledging loyalty to Erin? Or admitting she needed Anita? Or that she wanted Lydia’s help? What did she gain from any of these confessions? These relationships? What did she even gain from holding Evelyn on the line? Marley stiffened and pulled away. “It’s enough,” she said quietly, “that’s enough.”

“I know.” She shook her head, eyes raised to meet Marley’s in an unspoken understanding. Evelyn shifted her position, moving closer to Marley. Even if the idea of being close with someone was terrifying, she’d begun to find it to be a certain level of comforting. She just knew that she had to help Marley - in part because they were both mara, but in part because if Marley was in pain, she deserved to be helped. “Okay.” She sat up, back stiff - perfect posture, one thing that had been drilled into her mind and something she’d yet to break, at least not really. “How are you feeling now?”

It was over too soon and suddenly the empty spaces in Marley were cold again, no longer filled with the warmth of Evelyn’s energy. But she drew herself back in, licked her lips, and nodded. “I’m better,” she said softly, which was true. She no longer ached with hunger, but nothing had been changed about the severed cracks in her mind. She sat up, leaning away. She didn’t know what she needed now, but she didn’t want Evelyn to leave. Not yet. “Thank you. I really owe you for this one,” she finally said, giving her a ghost of a smile and reaching over to squeeze her hand. The world felt quiet again. Her head ached. 

“Good,” Evelyn responded, somewhat unsure where exactly to place her hands now that they weren’t brushing through Marley’s hair or carefully placed on her forehead. She settled on laying them in her lap, palms up, fingers gently moving through the air. “You really do not. I - I am glad you trusted me to do this. It means a lot that - well, that you would let me help you.” As Marley reached out for her hand Evelyn could feel herself relax again. She squeezed Marley’s hand back, a ghost of a smile crossing her lips. “I can stay, if you would like. I - I just have to let someone know, but if that would make you feel safer, I would be happy to.”

“No, it’s-- you don’t have to stay,” Marley said, feeling something creeping up inside of her that she wasn’t quite sure how to describe. It made her arms tingle and her mouth feel dry. Swallowing, she looked back at Evelyn. “I know I don’t have to repay you, but I want to. If you ever need anything, anything at all...just let me know.” And it was a promise she hoped she could keep, but worried she couldn’t. It sat in the pit of her stomach like a pound of bricks and she shifted uncomfortably. “But if you want to stay, you can.” And did she want her to? Did Evelyn want to? Marley couldn’t tell anymore. Everything had been messed up once her mind was taken from her, and she still didn’t know how to find any part of it. “I wouldn’t...mind.”

“You do not have to.” Evelyn raised an eyebrow, settling against the bed, “but fine, if you do insist, I will think of something at some point.” Her mind travelled to Melanie once again, to how much she still longed to find her killer. To bring her to some semblance of justice. She didn’t know how to go about that and if she wanted any help with that. “Yes, I can stay.” She let her smile grow. She’d let Miriam know, and she’d stay. If nothing else than to make sure that Marley didn’t suffer any more for this evening. It was the least that she could do, in the end.

“I just want you to know this isn’t one-sided,” Marley answered quickly, swallowing. God, she was tired. So tired. She rubbed her head again, blinking heavily. “That I’m in this for you, too.” At least, as much as she could be right now, which wasn’t much. It wasn’t much for anyone, though. Not even herself. She shifted slightly, standing up and holding her hand out for Evelyn. When they’d first met, all Marley had wanted from her was to make her understand her side, that other mara were the ones that were wrong-- now all she wanted was to be understood herself. She didn’t know how to even begin explaining that to the other woman, but she knew, one day, she would need to. Her hand closed around Evelyn’s. “Come on,” she mumbled, “we can watch a movie or something.”

[simping-on-the-daily]

Anyways Morals has a journal

The Book That Contains A Little Bit Of Everything, by Morals

The Book That Contains A Little Bit Of Everything was created by Morals as a journal for her to write down current events, although the book also holds coordinates to places, drawings, and other things Morals wishes to write down.

Morals frequently keeps the book inside of her inventory and never lets it out of there, not wanting what she writes down to be exposed. The hybrid considers the book to very important to her and tries to write at least one thing every few days, and even under the Egg, she still continues her tradition.

Due to Morals being corrupted by the Egg and her constantly fighting it and succeeding numerous times (allowing her to visit pro-omelette citizens as long as she says a codeword), Morals has started to only write in the Alien Alphabet, since Morals believes the Egg can only speak Galatic, not the End Language. After her corruption, anything that isn't written in the Alien Alphabet means that Morals is fully under the Egg's influence for the time being.

Notable or Memorable Journal Entries

'I love how birds just fly so calmly and then my wings just go FLAPPY FLAP FLAP'

'Currently have six stacks of gunpowder. Boom boom bitches I'm the new Jason Dean'

'Well shit I thought I was JD but I'm really Veronica now aren't I- Dream I was supposed to be the bomber not you >:('

'The Tommyinnator has done it's purpose and helped slaughter that kid. Proud mum over here'

'If my mum ever finds this pls don't ground me'

'Spam time /j'

makes getting pets really sad because they all run away from you. Passive mobs, at least'

'I found a pig! Named them Ethics. First ever pet! She's a little scared of me because of you know, the whole enderdragon gimmick, but I think she's warming up'

'Just got a new skeleton horse! Named her Noble and I had to once more chase them down to tame em'

'I had to command them to stay still so they wouldn't run, but I got a sheep! Their name is Honorable and they got purple dye. I can tell she's really close to shitting herself rn, but I just hope she warms up eventually'

'Villager just had the gut to say you can't simp for LEGO men. Good thing villagers have to obey my commands due to mum perks otherwise I would've smacked a hoe'

'Trading who? Villagers are forced to give me what I want meanwhile George is just suffering over there lol'

'I know I should feel bad about kinda using my Enderdragon status, but I also don't see what the big deal is? When I'm a few blocks away they go straight back to normal. All fear just gone. So, it's not like I'm traumatizing the villagers or Enderman'

'⌿⌰⌇ ⎅⍜⋏'⏁ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⋔' (Pls don't hurt them)

'⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⏃⍀⟒⋏'⏁ ⟟⋏ ☊⍜⋏⏁⍀⍜⌰' (They aren't in control)

'⟟ ☊⏃⋏'⏁ ⌇⏁⍜⌿ ⟟⏁' (I can't stop it)

'⊬⍜⎍ ☍⋏⍜⍙ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⏃⎐⟒⋏'⏁ ⌰⍜⌇⏁ ⏚⏃⎅ ⍙⊑⟒⋏ ⊑⟒ ☍⟒⟒⌿⌇ ⌇☊⍀⟒⏃⋔⟟⋏☌ ⌰⏃⋏☌⎍⏃☌⟒' (You know you haven't lost Bad when he keeps screaming language)

'⏁⊑⟒ ⍜⏁⊑⟒⍀⌇ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⏁⟟⌰⌰ ⏃ ☌⟟⏃⋏⏁ ⎎⏃⋔⟟⌰⊬ ⟒⎐⟒⋏ ⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀ ⏁⊑⟒ ⟒☌☌' (The others are still a giant family even under the Egg)

'⟟ ⏃⋔ ⌇⍜ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬' (I am so sorry)

'⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔ ⟟⎎ ⊬⍜⎍ ⟒⎐⟒⍀ ⎎⟟⋏⎅ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⟟ ⏃⋔ ⌇⍜ ⎎⎍☊☍⟟⋏☌ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬' (Dream if you ever find this I am so fucking sorry)

'⏁⊑⟒⍀⟒'⌇ ⌇⏁⟟⌰⌰ ☌⍜⍜⎅ ⟟⋏ ⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔ ⟟ ☍⋏⍜⍙ ⟟⏁' (There's still good in Dream I know it)

'⍙⊑⟒⋏ ⟟ ⎎⟟⋏⎅ ⍜⎍⏁ ⍙⊑⏃⏁ ⍾⎍⏃☊☍⟟⏁⊬'⌇ ⎅⍜⟟⋏☌ ⏁⍜ ⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔ ⟟'⌰⌰ ⟒⏃⏁ ⊑⟟⌇ ⎎⎍☊☍⟟⋏☌ ⊑⟒⏃⎅ ⍜⎎⎎' (When I find out what Quackity's doing to Dream I'll eat his fucking head off)

'⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔ ⟟ ⌰⍜⎐⟒ ⊬⍜⎍' (Dream I love you)

'⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⎅⟟⏃⍀⊬ ⟟⌇ ⋏⍜⍙ ⎐⟒⍀⊬ ⏃⋏☌⌇⏁⊬ ⊑⎍⊑' (This diary is now very angsty huh)

'⊑⍜⋏⍜⍀⏃⏚⌰⟒ ⋔⏃☍⟒ ⊬⍜⎍⍀ ⋔⏃⋔⏃ ⌿⍀⍜⎍⎅ ⏃⋏⎅ ☌⍜ ⎎⎍☊☍ ⌇⊑⟟⏁ ⎍⌿' (Honorable make your mama proud and go fuck shit up)

'⟟ ⊑⏃⏁⟒ ☊⍜⍙⌇' (I hate cows)

'WORSHIP THE EGG'

'⏚⏚⊑ ⏚⏃☍⟒⎅ ⎍⌇ ⏃⌰⌰ ⋔⎍⎎⎎⟟⋏⌇' (BBH baked us all muffins)

'⌿⟒⟒⌿⟒⟒' (Peepee)

'Why don't I own any dresses'

'⟟'⋔ ⌇⍜ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬ ⟒⎐⟒⍀⊬⍜⋏⟒' (I'm So SoRrY eVeRyOnE)

'⟟ ⏁⊑⟟⋏☍ ⌇⏃⋔ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⎎⟟⋏⏃⌰⌰⊬ ⌰⟒⏁ ⋔⟒ ⎐⟟⌇⟟⏁ ⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔ ⏃☌⏃⟟⋏ ⊬⏃⊬!' (I think Sam will finally let me visit Dream again yay!)

[emeraldbabygirl]

Yeosang The Heathers au

Genre: Angst & fluff

Warnings: mentions of death/suicide, drugs and alcohol, violence, high school angsty romance?

Summary: I’m basing this off the ending scene from The Heathers before JD blows up the school

Tears blurred your vision as you rushed to the school’s boiler room. You weren’t sure how much time you had but you were sure it was only minutes.

“Yeosang!” You shouted running to him. The timer on the bomb was ticking down from two and a half minutes. You reached for Yeosang but he pushed you away. “Yeosang please don’t do this!” You shouted, tears pouring out.

Yeosang stiffened up as you went to hug him. He turned to the bomb and watched the seconds tick down to two minutes. You looked back up at Yeosang. “Disable the bomb Yeosang please, don’t do this.”

“I have to.” Yeosang pushed you away. Tears started to form in his eyes. “You better get out of here. I don’t want you to get caught in the blast.”

You sighed shaky hands reaching for the gun in your back pocket. “Y-yeosang if you don’t disable the bomb..I’ll shoot.” Yeosang’s eyes clouded over. He scoffed.

“You couldn’t hurt a fly y/n. You know if you shoot me the school will blow up anyway.” You were shaky and you could barely see Yeosang through the dim light in the room and your blurry vision.

“Yeosang please, don’t kill innocent people because of me.”

“Because of you?” Yeosang scoffed. “This isn’t about you, people needs to know that we as students are suffering. People are gonna look at what’s left of this school and they’re gonna realize that this school didn’t blow up because of society not caring. This reason this school is going to blow up us because we are society. Nothing matters anymore. We’re all the same. The only way everyone can get along is in heaven.”

“But we had sex, we..I love you Yeosang, does that mean nothing to you?” You tried anything to get him to stop and think about what he was doing.

“Sex, that wasn’t really sex. That was two broken people trying to mend each other and it didn’t work did it. And how could you say you love me? You pretended to kill yourself. I knew that noose wasn’t tight enough. You think that if you killed yourself it would stop my plan? No sweetheart, I planned on blowing up this garbage dump in the beginning of the year. You just happened to get involved. You went along with assisting me kill and you enjoyed it. You felt a sense of freedom, getting revenge on those that hurt you and others.”

“Yeosang, I know you’re damaged, we both are but we can change that. Don’t you want to live your teenage years normally? Don’t you want to go to the movies and share a shake, don’t you want to stay in this town, don’t you want to stay with me? Don’t you want to grow old together?” You lowered the gun and approached Yeosang. It wasn’t like you had time for this and it was approaching a minute on the clock. Yeosang just watched the seconds tick down.

“Once this is all over you’ll forget about me. You’ll live on and become whatever you want to be.” You felt like you had already lost him. You started to panic.

“Yeosang, I wish we would’ve met before, I wish your parents treated you better, I wish society was different I wish I could help you. Yeosang please let me help you, disarm the bomb, come with me, you can go to counseling.”

“No!” Yeosang shouted cutting you off. You took a step back in shock. “This ends now. So I’d suggest you get your ass in gear and run. You’ve got thirty seconds.”

“Yeosang I’ll shoot myself.” You blurted out tears running down your cheeks again. You were in full panic mode and nothing was getting through to him so with clouded thoughts you put your life on the table. You raised the barrel to your head, shaking, a strange sense of comfort washing over you. Easing your pain and anxiety. Yeosang watched you. His face was blank but he was crying too. You were shocked as Yeosang all of a sudden rushed to you grabbing the gun out of your hand and taking the bullets out before tossing the gun. He wrapped his arms around you and held you as you cried into his arms. Time seemed to slow in this moment as Yeosang truly held you, you buried your face in his chest.

“It’s not that I don’t care. I want to care. I want to be with you, I want you to love me. I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire life. I’ve never stayed in a place long enough to be a normal teenager. The only thing my father taught me after my mother left was how cruel the world is and that life was a war and you have to fight everyone even if it kills you. I started drinking and doing drugs just to feel something. Everyday I struggled, everyday I just want to die. This pain that I’m going though didn’t end, the alcohol only numbs the pain for a little bit. I hated the monster I became. When you entered my life I slowly started cutting myself off. I wanted to be good for you. I wanted to tell you everything, I fell in love with you. When we had sex that night I realized despite how damaged I was that I was in love with you. I am in love with you y/n. Every time our skin made contact my heart felt full, I felt complete, I felt at peace with myself and the world. For the first time I felt clarity. But I couldn’t do this on my own. I needed you, I needed you bad and I wanted to kill anyone that hurt you. I realized then that I was hurting you. I put you through so much pain and never even knew how damaging it was, so I started drinking from my father’s cabinet, I bought stronger alcohol. I made deals with bad people just to get high. I was failing school and going to parties, getting into fights and killing innocent people. All because I hated myself. I hated myself for hurting you. I hated myself for falling so far and not being able to stop myself. It was a continuous cycle. I hurt you and hated myself so I got involved in drugs and bad people but that only made me hate myself more, I felt worse and I never I was hurting you more. When I saw you hanging from your ceiling I knew I had to do this. For you, for us. I couldn’t let you deal with the pain on your own. I had to end my pain and somehow and they only way I knew how was to end the lives of everyone here. High school is hell y/n. This was how society would understand.” Yeosang’s voice was shaky and almost at a whisper as he spoke. His breathing was uneven as he continued to cry. Yeosang held you tighter and tighter. You knew the bomb was close to going off and you looked up at Yeosang trying one more time.

“Yeosang, please. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you Yeosang..please. I don’t know what life would be like after this for me if I lose you. I don’t know what life would be like for us after this if you stay here with me but we’ll figure it out. I swear we will Yeosang. we can continue to fight for each other and we can get through this. Every day of every year I will be here for you, no matter what. Yeosang I love you and I want to help you. I want a life together, I want us to enjoy life together. I want us to grow old together. This is just an obstacle, a rough patch. We can get over it. Let me help you get through this please. I love you.”

Yeosang pulled away and walked over to the bomb. You followed him and just as the clock hit one second it stopped. Realizing your breath was caught in your throat your let out a shaky sigh. Yeosang fell to his knees his head in his hands, his body shaking. Dried blood covered the bandages that were wrapped around his hands. You knelt down next to him and ran your hand through his hair. Your gentle touch consoled Yeosang as his tears slowed.

Turning his whole body to you you looked at his face. He was still in pain, his eyes were red, tears staining his cheeks, cuts across his forehead and cheeks, a bruise under his left eye. You gently cupped Yeosang’s cheek with your hand, rubbing the dried cut with your thumb. Yeosang leaned into your touch. He seemed a little more calmer. You slowly brought your lips to his being careful of the cut on his bottom lip. He was a mess. And you were gonna be with him every step of the way to heal him. You kissed him both of you melting into each other. Yeosang pulled you into him, one hand holding the small of your back and the other gently holding your face. The kiss was long and passionate, your tears mixing, the salty taste combined with your saliva. When you pulled away you touched your nose to his and gripped his shirt firmly. It was silent for awhile just you and Yeosang sharing the same space. It was calming to be in his arms, to be with him. And you knew how right it was when Yeosang said to you in a light whisper “I love you.”

So hello @moonchildrenandflowercrowns I hope it was alright. I was excited to write this because I’d never written something like this. Except that Yoonho smut. Jesus Christ I really let my emotions get to me, I almost had myself in tears multiple times. How fun! It’s alright, this is only the third fanfic I’ve written that’s made me cry or almost cry uwu! Anyway, I’m sorry if it wasn’t what you wanted. I was just really in my The Heathers feels and I was like ‘hey, let’s do this’ I like it. Also I made like five moodboards for this but I didn’t know which one to post but I like this one the most, I think.

[whitetrashjj]

idk if its just me but jjpope shippers are extremely rude and have made me completely hate that ship even though i used to like it. theyve called me homophobic (im literally bi) bc i prefer jiara and also called others racist. theyre taking it way too far i really dont think they realize this is a fictional show.

Look, I’m truely sorry that people have called you that and treated you that way, and those people should take a long hard look at themselves. But. I do not think it is productive to generalise when it comes to fandoms and micro-fandoms.

Because the thing is what you are seeing of the jjpope fandom is a very small percentage, as you don’t ship them you aren’t seeing the day to day, casual, general in’s and out’s of their fandom. What you are seeing is the, what?, 5%?

What you are being exposed to are the ones who shit on jiara and tag them, for whatever reason. What you are seeing are the ones who seek out a ship that they see as ‘competition’  and chose to attack them. This is not a true or unbiased reflection of their fandom as a whole and we shouldn’t treat them as such.

OBX and jiara is my main fandom atm and I’ve managed to cultivate a nice little, drama-free environment for myself, where for the most part it is free from negativity. Occasionally I see hate in the jiara tag and I promptly block because I do not have the time or energy for that.

But I know, that despite my positive experience with the jiara fandom there are bad eggs, I have heard tiktok jiara’s are particularly vile. I would not like people to judge our fandom based on those people (who let’s be real are usually the immature 13 y/o’s who just can’t seem to separates things and stay in their own lane), so I think we should offer them the same curtsy. 

You are not homophobic for choosing to ship a m/f ship ‘over’ and mlm ship. Shipping is not about ‘wokeness’ or being progressive. And I’m not about to get into the fetishisation of mlm ships in fandom by straight girls, who like to use the homophobia argument as a way to justify how they get off on the thought of two hot guys (because, yes, hello JD and Rudy) fucking each other. That is a massive problem in fandom as a whole and I’m not saying that’s what is happening with all (or any) jjpope shipper, I’m just saying it’s an issue.

As a long suffering bellarke shipper I, and countless other bisexuals, can relate to the experience of being called homophobic or having our sexuality's invalidated over a ship preference and I really feel for you. Like, seriously who is putting the lives of fictional people over real life ones, get some perspective please.

And the racism, like, are we just ignoring the fact that Kie is a woc? Like just because she is more ‘light-skined’ than Pope doesn’t not negate that fact. Maddie is a proud black woman and I will not stand for people invalidating that over something as trivial as a fictional ship.

In the end, the block button is your best friend. Tailor you fandom experience so that you only surround yourself with positive people and I hope the negative people in both fandoms grow up a little and realise there are more important things than tearing people down.

I truly hope these people don’t ruin your love for jjpope as the iconic brotp I see them as, and I’m sure at some point you did. I can on some level relate to that feeling, I always saw them as these great friends and this awesome representation for casual platonic physical affection between males that is so lacking in media and real life and I think it would be great to keep it that way. So, I do feel a level of dissatisfaction when I see one of their moment’s giffed or talking about it as ‘proof’ that they are into one another. But each to their own, and I don’t see how if we all just stay in our lanes we can’t just live in harmony. Ship wars are so 2012 and so fucking boring...

So sorry for the long answer, I just have alot of thoughts.