#sorry i hope that helps at least a little

[yoongelectric]

Drunk in love — LN4

~ believe when i say that you’ll know once you taste it

• part 1

pairing: lando norris x fem!reader

summary: the night where you and lando just wanted to forget about each other but ended up getting closer than ever

genre: smut, angst, fluff, friends to lovers

warnings: curse words, jealousy, alcohol consumption, unprotected sex, p in v, fingering, oral sex, breeding kink

notes: english isn’t my first language so i’m sorry ig there’s any mistakes. i might have gotten a little excited with the lenght of this fic, part 2 will be shorter

The music plays loudly within the walls of your room as you and your best friend get ready for the night. After hours and hours of trying to convince you, Olivia had finally made it, not that you weren't a party girl, in fact you adored it, the feeling of being drunk, the people, the dancing, the music, flirting with strangers, you used to spend the whole week looking forward to go to your favorite club but for months now all those good times have lost all meaning when all you can see is your best friend going from girl to girl every weekend without any type of remorse. And for months you’ve been trying to do the same thing to stop thinking about him, only achieving the opposite.

You can’t blame those girls, in fact, you understand them perfectly, not just because Lando is rich and famous, that's the least important thing really, but in any crowd he's always the first man you see, he's handsome, attractive, even magnetic, the kind of man no girl would ever say no to, and you were painfully aware of that, because of course, you were one of those girls who could never say no to him.

That's what bothers you the most, because no matter how many dates you go on, how many strangers you flirt or sleep with, how much time you go without seeing him or speaking to him, you always notice how they are not him, how they don't have his laugh, his eyes, his charisma, his charm, his way of hugging you, his way of making you forget everything and everyone, no matter how good they are in bed, none of them can make you feel the warmth that you feel when he simply holds your hand or rests his hand on your waist to help you walk through a room full of people, and it's already getting tiring to hope that at some point that's going to change.

While you finish applying the sluttiest red lipstick you have, and check that you are not missing anything in your purse, you look at your outfit in the mirror, a little black dress that leaves nothing to the imagination, actually, if you are not careful you can flash anyone at any moment, you feel attractive, you know you look pretty, but you also know that neither this dress, nor the makeup you spent so much time on, nor your perfect hair will be enough for Lando to look at you the way you want.

Olivia seems to notice the sad expression on your face, "y/n don't make that face, if Lando is stupid enough to not make a move on you then he doesn't deserve you to spend another second thinking about him" she says handing me a shot of vodka that I swallow without hesitation

“Do you think I'm in love with him because I want to, Olivia? If it was up to me I would only see him as the friend he sees in me, that's what he wants, but it seems I can't.”

“if you want to believe that he sees you only as a friend then go on, i think he’s just a pussy” Olivia shouts from the door as I grab my keys and follow her.

-

Lando stared at his glass of whiskey, lost in thought, looking at the time on his watch from time to time thinking about when you would arrive, he was dying to see you, he didn't know if he was imagining it but he had this feeling that you’d been avoiding him all week, you didn't answer his messages, and if he called you, you quickly ended the conversation saying that you were busy, you had always been very bad at lying, who can be busy on a Saturday morning? He knew that his doubts would be solved at any moment and oh how he wished it was just his head fucking with him.

In the distance he saw a girl who he could have sworn was you, but after looking at her for a few seconds he slapped himself internally for having mistaken you for someone else, how could you be that girl? She doesn't have your grace, nor the light that seems to follow you everywhere making you look untouchable, the people around her don't turn around automatically and he doesn't feel that comfort in his heart when looking at her, but what's the point anyway? None of them make him feel anything like that, none of them are like you and he knows it.

He knows that you are the girl for him, he has known it since he won his first race and as soon as he crossed the finish line the first thing he thought was if you would be proud of him. He knows that he will probably love you all his life and that without you his destiny is to wait for someone to entertain him enough to not think about you all the time. He knows how sad that is and he's not sure if he can continue like this for much more, but he can't condemn you to what a relationship with him means, he barely has time for himself and how could he try to have a relationship with you if he can't give you all the time you deserve? How can he try to be with you if it means you have to be moving from one side of the world to the other all the time or not see him as often as he would like?

If everything was different he would have jumped right into your arms months ago, but you deserve much more than what he can give you.

Max's voice brings him out of his thoughts telling him something painfully true "so you’re already looking for a girl who looks like Y/N to spend the night?" How much more time can he spend trying to find you in another person? probably a lot less than he thinks.

-

He was hypnotized, watching you dance with your friends, running your hands over your body, laughing and looking so sexy, since you arrived he couldn't stop looking at you, a feeling between how bothered he was by that sinful dress that hugged your body in all the right places and the concern for the cold greeting he had received, he was gripping his glass tightly and using all his will not to grab you by the waist and pull you against him, he wanted to ask you the reason behind your actions, how were you able to stay away from him, when it felt impossible for him to do that.

It was then that he saw him, tall, with a bright smile, just the type of boy you've always liked, he approached you and spoke to you so carefree, calm, without the all the nerves Lando felt every time he had to get too close to you. He doesn't know what the boy said to you that made your laugh echo throughout all the VIP area but he was sure as hell it couldn't be that funny, how could your eyes shine like that looking at someone that two seconds ago you didn't know existed? how could you look at a stranger the way Lando had always wanted for you to look at him? oh how oblivious he was

As soon as he tried to get up to stop the situation, he felt the hand of the same girl he had seen earlier on his shoulder and as some type of divine signal it was then that he came to his senses. If he really loved you, he should let you live your own life.

Back to where you were, the nameless boy grinded against you while grabbing your hip and the two of you danced to the rhythm of the music, he was cute, sure, he was nice and funny, but in your drunken state your head seemed to betray you making you think about Lando over and over again, each song seemed to be talking about him, about you, about the two of you, and just when you were trying to get away from the boy it occurred to you to look at him, At this point you should be used to it, glass in hand, a girl on his lap, kissing so passionately it made you want to cry.

You were fucking sick of it, sick of the looks of pity from all your friends, of not being able to get mad at the girl, or Lando, you could only be mad at yourself for having these stupid feelings and not being able to settle for his friendship that at the end of the day was the best thing that had ever happened to you, and you really don't know how or when but you were glued to a wall kissing the guy, he was grabbing your ass tightly and biting your lip while you were pulling his hair trying to understand the situation you found yourself in, with far too many drinks on you, the jealousy, shame and unreciprocated feelings you felt for your best friend, you decided to lose yourself in the touch of the boy you had just met.

When the girl moved away from him to take a breath he saw you, your hair messy, your dress rolled up and that son of a bitch's hands grabbing you just like he would like to do, he didn't even have the decency to take you somewhere more private, but again, who was he to get involved in what you were doing if he knew that he couldn't give you what you deserved anyway, so he grabbed the girl's face and continued kissing her, but he couldn't stop thinking about you, the weight of the girl on his lap made him wish it was you, Lando wanted you to grab his hair just like you did with the boy you were kissing, he knew he could make you feel much better than him, he would take you somewhere empty because only he should be the only one to see you this way, he would grab you by the waist and pull you against him, he would kiss you with so much feelings that you wouldn't doubt his love for you, the erection that grew underneath his pants made him imagine how good you would feel rubbing yourself on him and he was sure it would feel like heaven listening to you moaning his name when he went down to kiss your neck.

“fuck, y/n just like that, baby” he didn't expect that it was going to be your name the one that escaped his lips.

The look of confusion and shock from the girl who was sitting on his lap brought him back to reality, and he doesn't know if he was suddenly sober or if all the alcohol that was in his system hit him at once but his body, his mind and all his senses told him to look for y/n, so apologizing to the girl and getting her off of him, he began to look for his love.

He looked around but there was no sign of her, her friends were still dancing in the same place but she and the boy he had seen her with earlier had disappeared, he asked Max but he told him that he had lost sight of them ago. For a while, when he saw Olivia, he realized that if anyone could help him, it was her.

he got into the crowd of dancing girls trying to get her friend's attention, "Olivia, hey, where did y/n go?" He said when the girl finally saw him

"Lando, I think you should leave her alone, she's busy" your friend knew that today you just needed to forget about him.

"Did she leave with him? Just tell me if she's still here, please" Lando was desperate, he feared that if he didn't find you now he would never have the courage to confess his feelings to you again

Olivia finally gave up "she just told me she was going to his house, I don't think they're gone yet" she took a deep breath and added "she's trying to forget you, I know deep down you know that, don't do anything if you know you're gonna hurt her, Lando."

"Thank you, i promise i will not" he said before running to the club’s door

You don't know why you agreed to this, but you found yourself walking towards the car of the boy you just met today, do you really want this? you don't know, in your head you just think that maybe this is it, maybe he can make you forget about Lando, in fact, you should be happy, he is cute, hot, funny, attentive and respectful, why aren't you happy? And why do you feel so relieved when you feel a hand on your shoulder stopping you?

"y/n, please don't go with him" you turn around when you hear the familiar voice and you feel your stomach do a thousand flips when you see the person you've been thinking about all night.

You pause to look at him before speaking, he looks agitated, in a hurry even, as if he was going to run out of time, but even in that state he is the most attractive man you have ever seen, some buttons on his shirt are undone showing his chest, as if the slightly see-through fabric wasn't enough, his tanned skin glowing under the night lights and you don't understand why he has to come out of nowhere now to ruin anyone else for you.

"Lando, is everything okay?" Your voice denotes concern and Lando just wants to have you in his arms.

"lov- sorry, y/n" he corrected himself "don't go with him, I need to talk to you, please, I need you to give me a chance"

"what are you talking about?" Your words came out like a whisper, you had to be misunderstanding him, or not?

"Sorry mate, this isn't your fault, but I love her, she's the love of my life, I can't let her go."

Suddenly you remembered the boy who was there with you, you looked over your shoulder, you only saw confusion in his gaze and you felt sorry for how he had ended up in this situation just because of bad luck, you shared a look and the boy understood that he had to leave.

"Lando, if this is some kind of joke or you're just doing it because that girl rejected you, I want you to know that it's not funny."

Lando felt a pang of pain in his chest, what had he been doing wrong all this time for you to believe him capable of playing with you like that?

"this isn’t a joke, y/n, I'm tired of pretending that I don't just love you, baby." he said taking a few steps until he was right in front of you "I don't know what I did for you to not want to see me or talk to me, but let me fix it, even if you don't feel the same way, I need you to treat me like before, I miss you love"

"I was just trying to forget you, Lando" the tears began to fall down your face and you didn't know if you felt shame, joy, anger or relief, if he felt the same, why had he made you see him with all those girls before? Why hadn't he spoken sooner? Why hadn't you spoken sooner?

you felt his lips on yours, and for the second time that night you were kissing someone, but this time everything made sense, you could only think about lando, you were right where you wanted to be, you were aware of his touch in every place where his body made contact with yours and time seemed to have stopped, you were addicted to the feeling of finally having him all to yourself and you didn't want to stop even to take a breath or move to another place.

He felt the same way and with all his strength he moved away just enough to mumble "let's get out of here."

-

The car ride to your house felt like a fever dream, you wanted to talk to each other but you had so many ideas in your head that you didn't know what to say first, you wanted to touch each other but you didn't want to spend another minute without being in a place just for the you two, so all you did was share looks of love and happy giggles

You two were finally home and it seemed like you were glued to each other, the heat in the room was becoming more and more unbearable as you kissed, grabbed and caressed each other, thanks to muscle memory you managed to get to your room and Lando just pushed you to the bed before climbing into it straddling you

"So pretty, baby, I can't believe I finally have you" he said kissing your neck and lifting your dress asking permission to take it off.

You nodded silently and Lando wasted no time in removing the garment that covered your body. He began to run kisses and licks over your shoulders, collarbones, arms and stomach until he left you desperate and trembling beneath him. You knew he was enjoying it but you had waited so long for this that you couldn't stand him not touching you right where you wanted, losing your patience you reached behind your back to unclasp your bra.

“nuh huh, that's my job, precious, let me enjoy you just the way I want” He said kissing, sucking and biting your neck, his words sending shivers to the wet areas of your skin.

"Lando, please, you're going to have plenty of time to enjoy me in every way you want, just fuck me already, I can't wait." As you spoke you couldn't help but arch your back when lando gently bit your collarbone making a moan escape your mouth.

you heard him laugh cockily "plenty of time? does that mean we're going on a second date?" and just when you thought about slapping him for his bad joke you felt him cup your pussy relieving half of the tension you felt.

He lived to please you and if you wanted to get to the point that's what he would do, he quickly got rid of your bra attacking one of your nipples with his tongue, circling the muscle over it before taking it all in his mouth, moaning softly into it, after a while he moved to your other nipple, repeating his actions, but paying attention to the previous one with his big, rough, veiny hands, you were a moaning mess, and every once in a while you had to remind yourself that this was really happening and it wasn't a product of your imagination.

"mmh Lando that feels so good, please don't stop" you said trying to reach his member to touch it over his clothes, but you instantly felt him pin your arms over your head

"not yet, y/n tonight is all about you, let me make you feel good" he said moving down to your hips leaving kisses right on the waistline of your panties

He stopped to look at the lace panties you were wearing, black and all see-through, they were sexy but at the same time elegant and Lando felt like he would faint right there.

"these are so pretty, it's a shame i have to take them off," he said, taking your underwear on each side and removing it in one go.

It was at that moment that he saw you naked for the first time, you looked so hot but also innocent, the look of desire and at the same time love in your eyes could not be compared to anything that Lando had seen before, and he couldn't believe he had been missing on this for so long.

He ran a hand over your wet center and hissed at the sensation.

"baby, please do something, I'm going crazy" you begged, pushing your hips against his hand, trying to get more friction.

"well, since you're in such a hurry, god, we have to work on your patience, love." Without warning, Lando put a finger inside your hole and at the same time went down to lick your clit, while leaving his finger still inside you, he licked your bundle of nerves from side to side, up and down and circling his tongue against you, the euphoria you felt at that moment didn’t allow you to speak, the only thing that came out of your mouth were desperate breaths and moans of his name repeatedly. Every time you dared to look between your legs and saw your friend's piercing eyes you felt yourself embarrassingly quick getting closer to the edge.

"Lando, I need more, please, I want to cum."

so you felt a second finger inside you, he began to move them at a soft and strong pace, curving them inside you in the most delicious way, it didn't take long for you to finish all over his mouth and fingers, with a scream of his name and pulling him against you by his hair, he continued sucking your clit until you pushed his head due to overstimulation.

“You taste so good, my love, please let me do it again” he said kissing your inner thighs trying to open your legs again.

"another time, babe, I want you to fuck me, I need to feel you" you said pulling him from his shirt, you were feeling a little self conscious as you noticed how he was fully dressed and you were naked in front of him, so you unbuttoned his pants begging him to take them off, he, always willing to please you, pulled them down at the same time with his boxers, letting his dick come out freely in front of your face.

None of all the dirty nights you spent thinking about him could prepare you for what was in front of your eyes, his member, the perfect length, thick and veiny, with his tip all wet, seemed to beg you to put it in your mouth.

And that’s what you did, kneeling on the bed in front of him, licking the tip vaguely and without wasting much time you started sucking on it. Lando grabbed your hair in a ponytail and allowed himself to enjoy the heat of your mouth.

You wanted to make him feel good, it was the only thing you could think at that moment, and when you looked up and saw his face contorted with pleasure, his head thrown back and tasted his salty precum you could only moan in satisfaction, the entire moment made you so wet again and your hole clenched around nothing.

Against all his desire and will, Lando removed his dick from your mouth, it felt so good, but he needed to fuck you, he needed to feel your wet walls around him, so once again he pushed you on the bed and put your legs on his shoulders.

"Are you ready?" The question felt like a joke, you had been ready for months.

"yes, so ready, please fuck me"

You felt his member press against your pussy and the wetness made it so easy for him to slide in all at once.

Both of you moaned in unison as you felt that you were finally where you belong, Lando stayed still for a moment to let you get used to the size and to take a breathe so he wouldn’t cum on the spot.

When he saw your desperate face and felt how you pushed your hips against him, Lando began to fuck you without mercy, hand on your neck choking you just the way you like it, grunts and moans escaping from his mouth, turning you on more and more.

"baby, please, I'm so close, you fuck me so so good, I love your dick so much, please" you didn't know what you were saying, you just knew that you didn't want anyone but him.

Lando couldn't help but laugh at your state, but he wasn't much better than you, feeling his orgasm getting closer, he removed his hand from your neck and began to draw circles on your clit, his thrusts were erratic and the trembling in his legs let you know that he wasn't going to last much longer.

"land-o, baby, cum inside, I need you to fill me" and with those simple words the two of you climaxed at the same time, white dots filled your vision and you could swear it was the longest orgasm you’ve ever had, when you came back to your senses, your friend removed his member from your hole and turned your positions so that you were on top of him.

"We should clean up" you said, ignoring your tiredness, trying to be responsible.

"Let's stay like this for a while, I need to hug you, hold you close" despite his tired tone you could hear him talking to you with a smile.

A few minutes passed and just when Lando was about to fall asleep, your words brought him out of his state.

"You know we'll have to talk about this tomorrow, right?"

And just like that, he remembered each and every reason why he hadn't done this before.

[lupinsuniverse]

Do you have any advice how to simplify drawing mechs Transformers One's style? 😭 I love how you draw them both detailed to see their unique characteristics and simple enough to show their base shapes, and I've been trying to emulate it to draw another character in its style (Skyfire) but I really struggle with it. I'm really sorry for asking bc it's quite audacious thing to ask, but I was curious if you have a technique in how you do it

Hello🙏 I don't know if this can call a technique but there are some rules to remind myself when i draw them

i just wanted to color him

I hope this help you at least a little🙏, I am new to drawing mech and still learning how to draw them too

[kiwriteswords]

My Funny Valentine [Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader]

Masterlist (not updated, sorry!)|| Ao3||Word Count: 1.9k|| AN: I have been binge-re-watching The Nanny for the first time since I was a teenager and got to the episode where Fran buys a billboard for Mr. Sheffield after thinking he was her secret admirer. I had to do this for Hotch and Reader!

Tags/Warnings: female reader, BAU reader, will they won't they relationship, Valentine's Day, mentions of Haley, mentions of a creepy police officer, based off an episode of The Nanny, fools in love.

Summary: Given your undeniable chemistry and attraction for one another, when an unsigned card with flowers and a teddy bear shows up on your desk, you assume it's from Hotch. After making a grand gesture for what you thought was in return, you both soon realize the truth.

Ever since you joined the BAU, your interactions with Hotch have been a mixture of professional respect and undeniable chemistry. Over the years, the flirty banter had evolved into a dance of “will they, won't they,” much to the entertainment--and sometimes frustration--of the team. 

Everyone could see the mutual attraction except, it seemed, the two of you.

Being Hotch's subordinate, you treaded carefully, harboring feelings you dared not confess, always secretly hoping he'd be the one to break the professional boundary.

You were younger--not inappropriately so (maybe just a little)...well, enough to make you question if this chemistry was all in your head. Enough questioning to allow these feelings to remain at a standstill--or at least until he broke first. 

This Valentine's Day seemed like any other day at the BAU, but when you arrived at your desk, you found a bouquet of pink carnations and a teddy bear holding a card. Your heart skipped a beat as you read the flirty message. 

"To the one who captures my thoughts as easily as she profiles unsubs. Happy Valentine's Day."

You couldn't help but think it was from Hotch. Carnations and a teddy bear? Not what you would have imagined Hotch picking out, but nonetheless, thoughtful. Unexpected. Thrilling. 

He was finally crossing that line drawn in the sand. The one you blurred and blurred but ultimately never swept away. 

Excitement bubbling up inside you, you rushed to share the news with Penelope Garcia, your go-to confidante for all things romantic and dramatic. The one who had been arguably rooting for you and Hotch more than anyone. 

Maybe it was the hopeless romantic in her, or maybe…just maybe, the proof was there in plain daylight with the way you and Hotch played your games with one another. Like a tennis match of back and forth--over and over. 

“My gosh,” Penelope squealed, looking at the card, “I mean…I can’t believe it. What are you going to do? What are you going to say!?” She leaned forward, capturing your arm, almost to steady her own excitement. 

“I want to do something for him…something nobody’s ever done for him before.” You thought carefully. 

Many would argue that you were…of the dramatic kind. Maybe that’s why you and Penelope got along so easily. Hotch would argue that you were dramatic the most. You often used it to your own advantage with him. 

You knew--although you’d both never admit it--you had Hotch wrapped around your finger so it was easy to use those puppy dog eyes when you didn’t feel like completing a case assignment or if you wanted the bigger room at the hotel. 

“You know,” Penelope pondered, “Now that I think of it,” She scrunched her face, “All of these years here, I’m not sure anyone’s ever left Hotch a Valentine. I mean…I gave him a pink fostered sugar cookie once, but even Haley…I don’t think there was anything here for him.” 

You smirked, raising an eyebrow, “He doesn’t seem like the type that’s going to like a velvet heart-shaped box filled with fruit-filled chocolates.” 

“That man is a closet sweet eater,” Penelope pointed at you, “But to your point, you’ve gotta do something…something grand. Something that will knock his argyle socks off.” 

You snorted, then really thought. Grand. Grand? What would be grand? Then it came to you. 

“I have the best idea.” 

The two of you giggled and brainstormed extravagant ideas to win Hotch's heart, finally settling on a grand gesture that no one could ignore--a billboard confession. You found the idea so wildly romantic, the perfect way to tell Hotch how you felt.

With Penelope's enthusiastic encouragement, you commissioned a billboard on Hotch's route home.

“Be My Valentine, Aaron Hotchner! Love your Y/N” 

However, as you prepared to leave work that evening, you received a call from the local police department asking if you enjoyed the flowers. Your stomach dropped as you recognized the voice--it was the overly friendly officer from your last case, the one Hotch had given a look to the entire time. 

The cheesy teddy bear. The cheap carnations. The corny card. None of that would be Hotch. You wanted to die. Crawl into a ball and die of embarrassment and stupidity, but not until after you got rid of that billboard!

Frantic, you rushed to find Rossi, Derek, and Spencer, blurting out your predicament and the mistake you’d made. They erupted into laughter but saw the urgency of the situation.

"We’ve got to get that billboard down before Hotch drives home!" you exclaimed, your face burning with embarrassment. You paced around the bullpen, looking up to Hotch’s office, then to them, then back up. You ran your hand over your face, stressed. 

Rossi, Spencer, and Derek gathered around you, each wearing an expression that meant business. Derek leaned against his car, arms crossed. "You know, you could just leave that billboard up. It's about time one of you made a move."

Rossi nodded, his wise eyes fixed on you. "We're all tired of the dance, kid. It's not just you suffering from all this uncertainty--Hotch is right there with you. You both need to take that leap."

Spencer chimed in, "Statistically, the likelihood of mutual feelings being reciprocated in situations like these is quite high. You might be pleasantly surprised."

You appreciated their support, but the thought of Hotch seeing the billboard without understanding the context terrified you. You grabbed your car keys and headed to the nearest hardware store. "I just need to fix this before it gets worse," you muttered more to yourself than to them.

At the hardware store, you picked up a bucket of paint and a roller, your hands trembling slightly at the thought of climbing up the billboard. Heights had never been your friend, but today, they seemed a lesser evil compared to the embarrassment of Hotch reading your unintended public declaration.

With the sun setting, you parked your car by the billboard and stared up at the looming structure. Steeling your nerves, you looked up toward the tall ladder that led to a ledge where the freshly painted billboard sat. You wished the service you paid earlier was available after hours to come and take down the work they had done so quickly. 

Each step up made your heart pound louder, but the fear of making a fool of yourself pushed you onward.

Once you reached the top, you positioned yourself to start painting, but a sudden wave of vertigo hit as you peered down. The can of paint slipped from your grip, tumbling down and splattering the ground below with white paint.

You looked up to the sky and raised your hands with defeat and tears forming in your eyes, “Is this some sick joke?!”

Climbing down was even harder, with your hands shaking and tears of frustration starting to blur your vision. Just as you reached the last few rungs, a pair of steady hands gently guided you down. You almost jumped out of your skin, only to turn and see Hotch, his face filled with concern.

"Hey, it's okay," he soothed, keeping his hands on your shoulders to steady you.

You took a deep breath, wiping away a stray tear, turning as you took your last step off the ladder. He steadied you on the last few steps down, his touch reassuring.

"I'm so sorry, Hotch. There’s been a huge misunderstanding," you began, your voice a mix of embarrassment and relief. "I thought those flowers and the teddy bear were from you, and Penelope and I--we…I just got carried away."

Hotch gave you a small, understanding smile. "Emily and JJ told me there was a surprise waiting for me on the freeway home. I left early to see what it was." The last thing you expected was Hotch’s calm voice breaking through your flustered apologies. 

Your heart sank, imagining what he must have thought seeing that message. "I was trying to cover it up before you could see it. I didn’t want you to find out like this." You gestured up to the brightly colored billboard with what felt like the most embarrassing thing in the world displayed for everyone and their mother to see. 

“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” His gaze softened as he looked up at the message, then back to you. "I saw the billboard," he admitted a hint of awe in his voice. "Nobody has ever done anything quite like that for me. It was...unexpected, certainly, but kind in a way only you could manage."

Your heart fluttered, surprise etching across your features. "You liked it?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper, unsure if your ears were playing tricks on you.

"I loved it," he corrected gently, his hands still resting lightly on your shoulders. "You have a knack for the dramatic, but it’s one of the many reasons I..." His voice trailed off, and he hesitated, his eyes searching yours for a reaction. The pause was palpable, every second stretching longer than the last until finally, he continued, "It’s one of the many reasons I love you."

The world seemed to stop spinning as his words hung in the air. "You love me?" you repeated, your voice a mix of hope and disbelief. Hotch reached up to brush a stray hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. His hand lingered, cupping your cheek gently. Your hand reached up to cover his, leaning into his touch. 

Hotch nodded, a soft chuckle escaping him, as if it was common knowledge, like you should already know it--or maybe he realized he should have already said it. 

"Yes, I do. And I think it’s about time I said it."

Emotions swirled within you--relief, joy, and a love that had been quietly simmering for too long. It all bubbled to the surface as you stepped closer, reducing the space between you. "I love you too, Hotch," you confessed, your voice steady with conviction.

His smile was all the encouragement you needed. You both leaned in and under the soft glow of the streetlights and the shadow of the billboard, your lips met in a kiss that sealed the confessions of the day. The kiss was gentle at first, exploratory as if both of you were still gauging the reality of the moment. But as certainty took over, it deepened, affirming the years of unspoken feelings and flirtatious banter.

As you both pulled away, Hotch's eyes twinkled with a mixture of contentment and mischief. "Next time," he said with a playful grin, "I'll be the one buying flowers; you’ll know they’re from me. I wouldn’t dare buy you carnations, and they won’t come with a cheap teddy bear."

Your laughter filled the air, light and free, as you both made your way back to your cars, the billboard forgotten but its message now etched in both your hearts.

The next morning, as you walked into the BAU, you stood surprised. There, on your desk, stood two dozen long-stem roses in a vase, their crimson petals vibrant against the mundane backdrop of your office. Attached to the vase was a card, Hotch’s neat handwriting spelling out a message that was both flirty and utterly him: 

"For the record, I prefer dramatic gestures that involve flowers on days other than just February 14th. Here’s to many more, just the way we like them. --A."

The smile that spread across your face lingered long into the day, as did the warmth in your heart, knowing the dance of “will they, won't they” had transformed into a harmonious “finally, we did.”

Tag List: @zaddyhotch @estragos @todorokishoe24 @looking1016  @khxna @rousethemouse @averyhotchner @reidfile @bernelflo @lover-of-books-and-tea @frickin-bats @sleepysongbirdsings @justyourusualash @person-005 @iyskgd @hiireadstuff @kcch-ns @alexxavicry @superlegend216

[steddieas-shegoes]

guilt fades, scars remain

written as part of @st-loveconfessions february kindness event for today: write a fic based on art! the moment I saw this absolutely stunning art by @stervrucht, I knew I had to get some words out. @runninriot also wrote something inspired by this art and it's just as stunning as the art itself, you can find that here!

rated m | 1031 words | cw: blood and injury | tags: eddie munson lives, steve rescues eddie, eddie has a crush on steve, pre-relationship, open ending but assume they're getting together

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The tears drip. The rain hits the roof. The sweat builds along his hairline.

Eddie’s alone. He’s scared. He’s sick of feeling pain everywhere.

“Eddie?”

The voice is back. He should be happy. Hearing Steve’s voice is a relief compared to what he’s been feeling for so long. He’s not even sure how long he’s been stuck here. Hours, days, weeks?

Years?

“Eddie.”

The voice is clear, but it’s always clear. Sometimes it’s far, sometimes it’s close. It sounds worried, but talking back to it doesn’t help.

He’s sure of only one thing: Steve Harrington’s voice is a balm on his nerves and patience alike. If he can’t have the real Steve saving him, he’s glad he at least has his voice in his ears.

Cool hands are covering his naked chest. It feels so nice, like an ice pack on an injury.

He supposes he does have an injury. Probably a lot if the shooting pains across his side and legs are anything to go off of.

“Eddie, hey.”

Eddie blinks. His vision focuses.

“There you go. Keep your eyes open. I’m getting you out of here.”

“Steve?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Sorry we kept you waiting so long.”

Eddie’s got tunnel vision, which is weird for a hallucination. Or maybe it’s not. He’s only done shrooms once and he barely even hallucinated before he passed out.

Eddie reaches one hand up to try to feel if Steve is real. He touches bare skin and he laughs.

“‘S fake.”

Steve’s got a lot of hair on his chest, he remembers from when he jumped into the lake. He remembers thinking how nice it must be to fall asleep on his chest, run his fingers through the soft hair there.

“What’s fake?” Steve asks.

An interactive hallucination is very strange, but it’s a nice distraction from the pain. It fades in and out like the intro and outro to songs. He’s gotta figure out how to put this into music.

“You,” he answers. There’s still no other voices and there’s no way Steve would rescue him alone. No one would let him come down here alone. “Me.”

“We’re not fake, Eddie. I knew we should’ve come back sooner. You’re fuckin’ delirious,” Steve sounds panicked now, and Eddie doesn’t want that. Hallucination Steve should be relaxed.

“Calm. Hurts, but calm.”

He’s being lifted up slowly and he’s sitting for the first time since the bats started trying to eat him. Feels a little weird, something internally screams, and then he realizes he’s actually screaming externally.

Steve’s trying to keep him calm and quiet, shushing him as he pulls him to his shoulder, hand tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck. It’s nice, smelling something that’s not the stench of the Upside Down or his own blood. Feeling something human where all he’s known is dirt and ash.

“It’s gonna hurt for a few minutes, but it’ll be worth it,” Steve’s saying in his ear.

Eddie raises an arm. It hurts. It’s not as bad as when he sat up, but it’s more pain than he should be feeling.

He must make a noise because Steve’s burying his nose into Eddie’s hair and it feels intimate in a way that doesn’t belong here. This place is broken, Eddie is broken, and Steve is stable.

“I’m gonna lift you up. Is anything broken?” Steve whispers against the side of his head.

Eddie hopes he remembers all of this. He hopes when he wakes up— if he wakes up— the first thought he has is about Steve touching him like this, making him feel alive and precious, worthy.

He must’ve answered Steve because he feels the ground fall out from under him and then searing pain in his side. Steve’s carrying him and he’s going to black out from the pain.

“Just a few minutes. Just hang on a few minutes. For me, Eddie,.”

Eddie can do anything in his dreams, so he hangs on for a while and then everything goes dark.

++++

“Eddie.”

The voice again.

It’s not clear this time, but he knows it’s Steve.

“Eddie, wake up.”

He blinks his eyes open and immediately closes them again, whining at the obnoxious bright light right in his eyes. If heaven is this bright, he’s not interested.

“Sorry. Let me turn those off.”

Steve’s voice is clearer now, sinking into his brain as the memories start to float back to him. Steve saved him. Steve showed up in the Upside Down shirtless and-

“Where was your shirt?” Eddie asks, voice raspy and trembling. He sounds as weak as he feels.

“My…shirt?” Steve asks.

“Y’were naked,” Eddie continues. “Nipples everywhere.”

Steve lets out a bark of a laugh and Eddie is going to combust. Making Steve laugh might be the best thing he’s ever done in his life…or death, if he’s dead.

“I was using it to stop the blood on your leg,” Steve explains. “It was still bleeding.”

He sounds…haunted.

“Did I die?”

Eddie focuses on Steve, the way he holds himself as if he’s in trouble, the way he won’t look directly at Eddie’s face. He’s guilty, but Eddie can’t imagine why.

“No. I don’t know how, but no.”

“You saved me.”

“I was almost too late.”

Eddie hums in protest. He’s too tired to argue, but he knows he’s right. Steve saved him. It doesn’t matter how long it took, or how many shirts were ruined in the process. He’s alive.

“C’mere,” Eddie whispers.

Steve steps closer. Eddie manages to grip his shirt, not tight, but enough for Steve to look down and then back up, finally settling on his face.

“Y’did good,” Eddie says. He closes his eyes hoping that’ll conserve energy to say what he needs to. “Thank you.”

“Eddie-“

“Sit. Sleep.”

He’s not sure if Steve listens because he’s already drifting back out of consciousness, but he can feel the weight of Steve’s hand in his and he’s pretty sure he’s not gonna let go.

When he wakes up, he still feels Steve’s hand in his.

His eyes flutter open to see Steve asleep in the chair next to his bed.

Shirt on, unfortunately.

[mj-iza-writer]

Whumpee snuck quick glances at the papers that had been left on the coffee table. They were certain that it was about them, but their new caregiver wrote in a strange handwriting.

Caretaker glanced out at them. They grinned as they watched Whumpee strain their neck... trying to see the pages.

"Могу ли я помочь?", Caretaker chuckled. (Can I help?)

Whumpee jumped back onto the floor.

"Sorry, sorry", Whumpee shook as they scooted farther away from the table.

"It's alright", Caretaker smiled as they helped Whumpee sit up, "what were you up to? Do you need help?"

Whumpee looked down with embarrassment, "I was being nosey... and I shouldn't be poking my nose in your work. I'm sorry."

Caretaker nodded, "Well, it is about you. You don't have to worry, I'm not upset. You were concentrating really hard. Were you able to read any of it?"

"M-my name", Whumpee admitted, "no offense, but your writing is hard to make out."

"Well, it's written in Russian, so I would hope it would be difficult", Caretaker chuckled as they picked up the notes.

"Rus... Russian?", Whumpee looked at them questioningly.

"Da", Caretaker nodded as they shuffled the papers, "I file my patient notes in two different ways. All of these notes will be stored in the secure program on my computer. I will transfer these into English then. My paper chart is kept in Russian as many people can not read it. That keeps my patient's information safe in case there was a break-in or something happened with the charts. When I finish with my patient, these papers will be shredded."

Whumpee glanced at the chart again.

"You can look at them if you like. I'm just about to start dinner", Caretaker handed the papers to Whumpee, "I hope you like кура с гречой."

"Uhm", Whumpee stared dumbfoundedly.

"It's chicken with buckwheat", Caretaker turned.

"Ku.... r..a... sss", Whumpee tried, but paused.

Caretaker slowly pronounced, "kura s grechoy", while Whumpee tried to follow along.

"Very good... Молодец (well done)", Caretaker cheered, "spoken like a true Russian."

Whumpee smiled excitedly, "really... I did it right?"

Caretaker nodded joyfully, "you did. Now, would you like to come help me cook, or do you want to stare at my writing for a while?"

Whumpee looked down at the pages, "it looks cool. I wish I could understand more of it though. I never really knew this was what Russian looked like."

Caretaker knelt down and took a page gently. They carefully read over the page in English to tell Whumpee what the lines said.

"Now this is the Russian", Caretaker read over the lines again.

Whumpee cocked their head to the side as Caretaker read to them.

Caretaker smiled when they looked up.

"Can I learn more?", Whumpee whispered, "please."

"Yes, you can", Caretaker nodded, "we can practice while you stay with me. How does that sound?"

"Good", Whumpee looked at them excitedly.

"Умелый (capable, good)", Caretaker finally stood, "I believe you are capable of learning the language, at least as much as you want to. I know it can be difficult, but it's possible. It's a great part of life to share in other's cultures. It can be a lot of fun. Would you like to learn how to cook something."

Whumpee nodded quickly.

"Alright, come on", Caretaker offered a hand to help Whumpee up.

Whumpee set the papers down and took Caretaker's hand.

"Ku...ra...", Whumpee attempted, "sss... uh... gre?"

"You'll get it", Caretaker promised, "it just takes time."

I just want to attempt something a little different and see if I could use a different language in my writing. I'm not Russian, but I think the language and writing are very cool. I also have a very good friend on here who is very very patiently helping me. This may be a sneak glimpse into a plan I have for SP Specail Containment as well. I am very excited for my next parts to hopefully come back soon. - Mj

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@weirdthingweee @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@deafeninglittlecrown @jumpywhumpywriter

@blackbirdsinatrenchcoat @mylifeisonthebookshelf

@thenormalestever @whatwhump

@galatic-worm @starmoon-constellation

[sometimescharlolette]

JOEL MILLER X F!READER (SARAH’S FRIEND) - PART TWO

PART ONE

Synopsis: Lunch with your best friend's dad takes an unexpected turn, for better or worse.

Word count: 3.7k of pure pornography, and 10% plot

Warnings: +18, sexual content, age gap (reader is in her twenties, Joel in his late forties), dirty talk, cursing, sex (p in v), rough sex, possessive behavior.

A/N: Hello beautiful people, I think this time I got carried away, and ended up writing more sex than the plot itself, but, okay, let's let Joel enjoy these moments of paradise, because soon the chaos will begin... Anyway, I hope you like it, feel free to comment what you think, feedback helps me improve and I'm counting on you for that, bye, kisses💜💜

Sarah frowned, confused by what she assumed was a meaningless outburst. “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice laced with curiosity. Not that she wasn’t used to your sharp tongue, but she had expected you to at least try to tone it down in front of her father.

“Uhm, yeah, sorry,” you stammered, forcing a laugh. “I kicked the leg of the table by accident. You know how it is—hurts like hell when your little toe hits furniture.”

Sarah raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. You knew that look. It was the one she gave you whenever she sensed you were up to something. Or worse, when she suspected you were letting last night’s alcohol-fueled decisions cloud your judgment. And unfortunately, she wasn’t wrong. Your mind was very clouded, and her father was the reason why.

“Nice to meet you…” Joel’s deep, steady voice broke through your spiraling thoughts. He let the sentence hang in the air, acting like he was meeting you for the first time—like he hadn’t had his hands all over you just hours ago.

You met his gaze sharply, irritation flaring in your chest at his infuriatingly calm demeanor. He was completely unaffected, carrying on as if this was just another casual introduction, not the aftermath of a night that left your legs shaking.

“Y/N, Mr. Miller,” you bit out, your eyes narrowing as you took a slow sip of your coffee, hoping the bitterness would chase away the heat creeping up your neck.

Joel’s lips quirked into something that wasn’t quite a smirk but was smug enough to make your blood simmer. “Pretty name.”

Damn it. The way he said it, the way his voice dipped just slightly, sent an unwelcome warmth through you. You hated how effortlessly he could make you feel like some love-struck teenager. And worse, you hated that he knew it.

Meanwhile, he carried on, effortlessly slipping into conversation with his daughter—asking about her classes, if she was eating properly, if anything in the dorm needed fixing. The perfect father routine. You could barely concentrate, too busy trying to regulate your breathing, while he sat there looking as composed as ever.

“Oh, speaking of which,” Sarah said suddenly, flipping through the menu. “Dad, the foot of Y/N’s bed broke or something. Could you take a look at it?”

You choked on your coffee.

Joel exhaled through his nose, a slow, measured breath. His lips twitched like he was holding back a comment—one that would probably have made you throw your drink in his face. Instead, he just nodded, his voice low and infuriatingly smooth.

“Sure. Always keep a toolbox in the truck for emergencies.”

You shot him a glare, and for the first time since sitting down, he looked directly at you. There was something in his gaze—something knowing, something teasing.

Sarah, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing between you and her father, suggested placing the orders before the restaurant got too busy. She rattled off what each of you would have before walking away to place them, her father’s card in hand.

As soon as she was out of earshot, you leaned forward, lowering your voice. “What the hell, Joel?” you hissed, eyes flashing with irritation. “Why didn’t you tell me you were Sarah’s father?”

Joel barely blinked, completely unbothered by your frustration. “Not my fault, sweetie. You didn’t ask.”

You clenched your jaw, gripping the coffee cup a little too tightly. His calm, easygoing tone made you want to strangle him. How could he be so damn composed when you were internally combusting?

“Oh, right, because obviously, I should have interrogated you before letting you take me home,” you shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Excuse me for not assuming you were my best friend’s father.”

Joel chuckled, the deep, rich sound sending a traitorous shiver down your spine. “Well, you didn’t exactly insist on knowing my last name, either.”

Your mouth fell open. “You didn’t ask for mine at all!”

Joel shrugged, looking far too entertained for your liking. “Didn’t expect we’d see each other again.”

The words stung more than they should have, and judging by the flicker of something unreadable in Joel’s eyes, he hadn’t meant for them to come out so bluntly.

Truth was, neither of you had expected this. You had chosen him at that bar because he wasn’t a student, because you thought it would be easier. No awkward run-ins on campus. No tangled emotions. Just a night of fun before moving on like it never happened.

But now, faced with reality, you couldn’t pretend the ground hadn’t shifted beneath your feet.

You exhaled, running a hand through your hair. “I didn’t expect to see you again either,” you muttered, shaking your head. “I thought you were just someone passing through, not her dad.”

Joel tilted his head slightly, eyes dark with amusement. “Disappointed?”

You wanted to say yes. You wanted to tell him this was a disaster, that you regretted everything. But the words wouldn’t come, not when the memory of his hands on your body was still so fresh, not when the scent of his cologne still lingered faintly in the air between you.

Instead, you scoffed, rolling your eyes behind your sunglasses. “You wish.”

Joel chuckled again, but before he could respond, Sarah returned with the trays of food, placing them on the table.

“That was faster than I expected,” she said cheerfully.

Joel, slipping effortlessly back into father mode, reached for the dishes. “You should’ve called me, Sarah. I would’ve helped.”

She just shrugged, waving him off as she took her seat. Meanwhile, you focused on your lasagna like it was the most interesting thing you’d ever seen. Anything to avoid Joel’s knowing gaze.

You spent the rest of the meal in quiet torment, nodding along to conversations and making half-hearted comments while your mind raced. Your body, traitorous as it was, still buzzed with the tension between you and Joel. The way he looked at you, the way his voice lingered on certain words, the smug curve of his lips—everything about him was infuriating.

And yet, deep down, you knew that if given the chance, you’d make the same mistake all over again.

***

“You really didn’t have to come,” you muttered as you opened the door to the dorm you shared with Sarah, stepping aside to let Joel in. The toolbox in his hand looked almost comically out of place in the small, cluttered room.

Joel’s whiskey-colored eyes swept over the space, taking in the contrast between the two halves. Sarah’s side was neat and predictable—her bed perfectly made, her laptop resting beside a neat stack of textbooks and papers. The bedside table held only an alarm clock and a charger, everything in its place.

Then there was your side—pure chaos. Your bed was an unmade tangle of blankets and pillows, last night’s clothes haphazardly tossed into the mix. Your bedside table was a disaster zone, littered with half-empty disposable coffee cups, a tangle of cords, and your laptop teetering dangerously on the edge.

Joel let out a low chuckle.

“Uhm, I wasn’t expecting visitors,” you defended, hastily gathering up the mess and tossing it onto a chair.

“Clearly,” he deadpanned, setting the toolbox down with a thud.

You shot him a glare, irritated at how amused he looked. He smirked, that signature Joel Miller smirk that made you want to simultaneously strangle him and kiss him senseless.

“Relax, little girl. I’m a mess too.”

Your breath hitched. That damn nickname. You shifted uncomfortably, pretending it didn’t ignite something in the pit of your stomach.

Desperate to change the subject, you gestured toward the bed. “Do you think you can fix it?”

“First, gotta see what’s wrong.” Joel rolled up his sleeves, revealing strong forearms as he lifted the mattress and propped it against the door. He crouched beside the bed frame, examining the splintered wood. “You’re a wild one, huh?” he murmured, his voice dripping with suggestion.

Your face burned. “That’s not how it broke,” you snapped quickly, then immediately regretted your defensiveness. Like hell it’s any of his business if it was.

Joel grinned, clearly entertained by your reaction. “Sure,” he drawled, grabbing a hammer and prying out the broken nails. “Might wanna step back, sweet thing. Hate to elbow that pretty face of yours.”

Your breath caught in your throat. When did the room get so damn hot? You realized, belatedly, how close you’d been standing—nearly pressed up against him, watching him work. Embarrassed, you took a step back and sat down on Sarah’s bed, grabbing your phone to distract yourself.

You tried not to watch him, but there was something hypnotic about the way he moved—how his strong hands handled the tools, how his biceps flexed beneath his flannel. Your stomach tightened, heat creeping up your neck. You shook your head, forcing yourself to focus. You already made that mistake once. You were not going to do it again.

Especially not in the room you shared with his daughter.

“There,” Joel announced smugly, pushing the mattress back into place. “Good as new. Go on, test it out.”

You rolled your eyes. “Idiot.”

He smirked. “No, seriously. See if it’s comfortable. I don’t half-ass my work.”

You stared at him for a moment, trying to gauge if he was being serious or just fucking with you. With a sigh, you walked over and sat on the bed. Joel’s gaze flickered downward, shamelessly watching the sway of your hips before quickly looking away when you caught him.

You ignored the way your pulse quickened. Instead, you shifted on the mattress, nodding. “Yeah, it’s good. Thanks. How much do I owe you?”

Joel scoffed. “As if I’d charge you for hammerin’ a few nails. Besides, you’re Sarah’s friend, so that means you’re in the privileged group that gets my services for free.”

You huffed a laugh, shaking your head. Damn him. You hated how effortlessly he made you like him.

“Can I at least offer you a drink?”

Now that made him smile. “Now you’re speaking my language.”

You pulled two beers from the mini-fridge, handing him one before sitting on the edge of your now-fixed bed. The air between you felt different, heavier. The brush of his thigh against yours was subtle, yet searing.

A beat passed before you sighed, bringing the bottle to your lips. “You know… if all of this wasn’t so fucked up, I think I’d actually enjoy spending time with you.”

Joel raised an eyebrow, his lips quirking. “You sayin’ you don’t?”

You glanced at him, your gaze steady. “I’m saying it shouldn’t be like this.”

He hummed, taking a slow sip of his beer. “I’m still a lot older than you,” he reminded you.

“Age is just a number,” you murmured.

“And jail is just a place,” he shot back, making you roll your eyes.

“I’m twenty, Joel,” you deadpanned. “I’m a fucking adult.”

Joel exhaled through his nose, shaking his head. “That don’t make it any better, little girl.”

“What kind of bullshit moral high ground is this?” you snapped. “Did you forget that you fucked my brains out yesterday?”

Joel ran a hand down his face, sighing. “I’m tryin’ not to let that happen again, little girl. But you’re makin’ it real damn hard.”

Your breath hitched.

His words hung in the air, thick with unspoken want. Your eyes locked onto his, and something shifted. Neither of you moved at first, but it was inevitable—the slow, magnetic pull drawing you together.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, your lips crashed onto his.

Joel groaned against your mouth, his large hands gripping your waist, pulling you onto his lap. The kiss was desperate, fueled by the tension that had been simmering between you all damn day. His fingers dug into your hips, guiding you closer, until you could feel the heat of him through his jeans. Your hands tangled in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp, making him growl into your mouth.

He deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding against yours, devouring you like he was starving for you. You gasped as he tilted his head, biting down on your bottom lip before soothing it with his tongue.

“Jesus Christ,” he murmured against your mouth, voice rough and thick with need. “You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me.”

His words sent a jolt of heat straight to your core. Your fingers fisted in his flannel, tugging him impossibly closer. You didn’t answer, you didn’t want to think, you didn’t want to admit that you were giving yourself to him again, but fuck, how could you resist when your whole body was buzzing with need for his? 

When all you wanted was to drown in the feel of his body against yours, the way his calloused hands caressed your soft skin like they knew every little nook and cranny. You rocked your hips against his groin, Joel’s rough jeans rubbing against your cotton panties, your dress bunching at your waist, the feeling was deliciously wrong. But if you were honest, you were begging to fail again if he fell too.

Joel's hands slid down to grip your ass, squeezing the firm globes as he ground his denim-clad erection against your aching core. He swallowed your moan with another burning kiss, his tongue plunging into your mouth to claim you thoroughly. You could taste the beer on his breath, feel the scratch of his beard against your sensitive skin. It was intoxicating, overwhelming, and you found yourself getting lost in the sensation of being wanted, being desired, being consumed by him.

"Fuck, little girl," he growled, breaking the kiss to trail his lips down the column of your throat. "You taste even sweeter than I remembered." His teeth grazed your pulse point before he sucked hard, no doubt leaving a mark. You both knew it was stupid, it was a way of digging your own graves, but your minds were too consumed with lust to reason about the risk.

Your head fell back, giving him more access to the column of your throat as your fingers tangled in his brown hair. You could feel the weight of his cock throbbing against you, separated only by the barrier of his jeans and your soaked panties. The friction was maddening, delicious, and you found yourself rocking against him wantonly, chasing more of that pleasure.

"Joel," you gasped, your voice barely above a whisper. "We shouldn't... not here..." Even as you said it, you knew it was a lie. You wanted him, wanted this, wanted to feel alive and unburdened and whole in his arms. You wanted him to fuck you until you forgot your own name, until you forgot that it was your best friend's father who was fucking you.

He chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest and vibrating against your own. "Shouldn't we?" he countered, nipping at your earlobe before soothing the sting with his tongue. "Baby girl, I've wanted to bend you over this table and fuck you senseless since the moment we walked through that door. Gonna ruin this tight little cunt until you're beggin' for my cock, beggin’ to my cock split you open”

His words made you clenched around nothing, your core aching and empty and hollow. You needed him, needed to feel him inside you, filling you, completing you. You were already addicted to the way he touched you, the way he fucked you, the way he made you come undone. And god help you, but you wanted to do it all over again. You wanted to drown in him, in the pleasure and the pain and the all-consuming hunger that only he seemed to ignite in you.

"Please," you whimpered, not even sure what you were begging for anymore. "Please fuck me, please make me yours"

Joel seemed to understand, seemed to sense the desperation radiating off of you in waves. He hoisted you up onto your bed, the soft mattress pressed against the backs of your thighs as he stepped between them, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to bruise.

"Wrap your legs around me, baby," he commanded, his voice a low rumble. "Gonna fuck this sweet cunt so hard, you'll forget your own goddamn name. Gonna make you scream so loud, the whole fuckin' college will know who this pussy belongs to."

You knew that if anyone found out, it would ruin you both, but you were so lost in the moment, that you did as you were told, wrapping your legs around his waist as he leaned down to capture your mouth in another bruising kiss. His tongue delved deep, tangling with yours as he ground his cloth-covered cock against your dripping entrance. You could feel the heat of him, the thick length of him, and you knew you were already ruined for anyone else. Only Joel could make you feel this way, could set your body on fire with a single touch.

"Fuck, I need you," you gasped against his mouth, your nails raking down his back as you tried to pull him closer. "Please, Joel... please fuck me. I can't... we don't have time to waste"

He groaned, the sound muffled against your lips as he fumbled with the button of his jeans. He shoved them down just enough to free his thick, hard cock, the swollen head already luscious with the pearly drops of pre-cum. You licked your lips at the sight, imagining what the taste of him would be like on your tongue, the weight of him in your mouth.

"Greedy girl," he taunted, rubbing the tip of his cock against your clothed slit. "So fuckin' wet for me already. Tell me how bad you want it, little girl"

You were already panting, already desperate, already hoping for him. You knew this was wrong, knew you shouldn't be doing this, that if Sarah found out she might hate you forever, and yet, you couldn't stop yourself. You needed him too much.

"Please, Joel," you whimpered, looking up at him with eyes clouded with appetite. "Please fuck me. I want your cock so fucking bad. Please, just... please fuck me. I'm begging you."

He seemed to like that, seemed to like the way you begged so sweetly for his cock. He rewarded you by shoving your panties to the side and notching the thick head of his cock against your soaking entrance. Then with one hard thrust, he buried himself inside you, splitting you open on his cock.

"Fuck!" you cried out, your head threw back as he stretched you wide around him. "Oh god, Joel... so fucking good..."

"Take it, baby," he growled, starting to move. "Take my fuckin' cock. This is what you wanted, isn't it? To be fucked so hard you won't be able to walk straight?"

You could only moan in response, your pussy clenching and fluttering around him as he started to move faster, harder, his hips slapping against yours with each brutal thrust. The bed creaked beneath you, the wood groaning in protest as he fucked into you with wild abandon.

"Yes," you hissed, your fingers digging into his shoulders as you held on for dear life. "Yes, fuck... just like that. Please, Joel. Fuck me harder!"

He obliged, gripping your hips hard enough to leave marks of his fingers on your skin as he slammed into you with enough force to make the bed shake. You could feel every thick inch of him, stretching you wide and filling you up until you swore you could feel him in your womb.

"Gonna... fuck... I'm so close, Joel," you panted, your body already starting to tighten. "Gonna... fuck... come on your fucking cock..."

"Then fuckin' do it," he snarled, his voice strained with his own impending release. "Come on my cock like the desperate little girl, you are. Wanna feel this pretty pussy squeeze the fuckin' cum outta me."

His words, his filthy, vulgar words, sent you over the edge. You came with a scream, your cunt clamping down around him like a warm embrace as your orgasm crashed through you. Your vision went white, your body convulsing as pleasure exploded behind your eyelids.

Joel followed soon after, with a guttural groan that seemed to come from the very depths of his soul. He slammed into you one last time before stilling, his cock pulsing and throbbing as he emptied himself inside you. You could feel the heat of his release flooding your insides, painting your walls with his seeds.

He collapsed against you then, his sweat-slicked skin pressing against yours as he tried to catch his breath. You knew you should feel guilty, knew this was wrong, that you should feel ashamed of the things your best friend's father made you feel, but all you could feel was the aftershocks of your release, the way your body still fluttered and clenched around his softening cock.

"Fuck, baby," he murmured, his voice rough and low. "That was... fuck, that was incredible."

You could only nod, too tired and sated to form words. You knew this was a mistake, knew you should never have let this happen, but God help you, you wanted it to happen again. And again. And again.

Joel seemed to sense your thoughts, sense the way your body was already craving more of his touch, more of his cock. He lifted his head to look at you, his dark eyes filled with a hunger that made your stomach flip.

"Don't you worry, little girl," he said, his voice a low rumble. "We're gonna do this again. Gonna fuck until we can't fuck anymore. Gonna make you forget everythin' but the feel of my cock inside this sweet little pussy."

You knew you should protest, push him away and run as far as you could. But you couldn't. You were already addicted, already ruined for anyone else. And god help you, but you wanted to let him ruin you over and over again.

So you simply nodded, a small smile playing on your lips as you looked up at him. "Okay," you whispered. "Okay, Joel. I'm yours for now."

At least until his daughter found out, but you didn't want to think about Sarah right now, not with his cock still buried deep inside you. That was a problem for your future self, you just need to rest.

[meelusinee]

MEETING THE FAMILY | R.B X READER

word count \ 1.6k | fluffy fluff | slash / regulus black x reader

in which regulus meets up with andromeda and remus after years of separation, and you offer to meet his family

A LITTLE LOAF SERIES MASTERLIST

Regulus was sat in a cafe.

Not your cafe, that was his first mistake. 

His leg was bouncing up and down as he fidgeted with the silver rings resting on his finger. He had agreed to meet Sirius here. In a cafe on the border of the Wizarding World. 

That was his second mistake.

He felt a third rising in his chest when he saw Sirius walking in, his leather coat more scruffed than when he last saw it. He knew that Sirius probably got into another motorcycle accident or two since he left. There was a fourth when he saw Andromeda walking in with him, and a fifth and sixth when he saw Remus. 

But he stayed in his seat.

“Reggie!” Sirius called out enthusiastically, running up to his table and slamming his hands down on the table. “I brought Andy and Moony, I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.” he minded.

“Excellent!” he said, turning around and dramatically waving the two of them to the table. Sirius and Remus sat down across from Regulus, with Andromeda sitting down beside him.

“Hello again Regulus.” Remus said, smiling softly and nodding. Andromeda ran up as soon as she was gestured too, pulling Regulus into a tight hug.

“Hi to you two as well,” he mumbled, his voice a bit choked as Andromeda squeezed tighter.

“Andy, let him breathe.” Remus reminded her, sighing and shaking his head as he buried his head in his hands. “And Sirius, stop banging the table.”

“Sorry.” the both of them mumbled, with Andromeda sitting down and Sirius putting his hands in his lap. Sirius’ eyes landed on Regulus then, a small but genuine smile on his face.

There was a quiet pause across the table, maybe for an eternity or just a couple of minutes.

“I’m glad that you stood up for yourself.” Sirius said out of nowhere, his voice more vulnerable then he had ever heard it before. “Do you know that?”

“I do now.” Regulus said, his voice quiet. 

“How’s your arm?” Andromeda asked quietly, leaning forward a bit as her hands reached out for his hand. They didn’t touch his arm, but they hovered close enough.

“I don’t know.” Regulus held his arm out, letting Andromeda roll his sleeve up. “I haven’t changed my dressing since yesterday.”

“Jesus, that’s bloody.” Sirius muttered quietly, leaning forward. “That’s worse then when you showed me last week.”

“I ripped the stitch in my sleep.” he muttered.

Andromeda unwrapped the dressing and hissed quietly. There wasn’t bone at the very least, though the muscle was still injured and red. Not to mention that the end of it looked infected.

“Jesus Christ, when do you clean this?” Andromeda whispered. “I taught you healing spells!”

Regulus shook his head slowly. “I can’t. They can track my magic.”

“I have potions that help to get rid of infections.” Remus said to him. “It might take a couple doses to heal, but it could turn it into a surface-level injury.”

“That would help, I think.” Regulus mumbled under his breath, dressing his arm back. He hadn’t thought about that originally, that Remus could help him heal his cut. “Thanks, Remus.”

“Mhm.” Remus smiled.

“On a less serious note,” Sirius said, a small smirk growing on his face. “How’ve you been other than that? Any new drama between Mother and Father before you left?”

Regulus sighed, rolling his eyes. “Mother is dead.”

“Mother is what?” Andromeda gasped, Sirius laughing out loud. Regulus rolled his eyes again as Sirius started gasping for breath, body falling against Remus’.

“Sirius.” Remus groaned, a tone that Regulus currently related too heavily.

“Oh, Remus!” he said, still laughing. “Oh, you don’t understand! This is perfect!”

“Love,” Regulus called out as soon as he got home, his voice echoing farther through the walls than he would like to admit.

Talking with Sirius and Andromeda involved talking about a lot of childhood stories. Talking about childhood stories ended up reminding him of his childhood, every footstep and crack in his voice reminding him of his mother and his father. 

It wasn’t a fun thing, to say the least.

“Master Regulus!” Kreacher called out, his little feet padding through the house. “Miss Y/N has not arrived home yet, Sir, but she ensured that Kreacher prepared you a meal for when you arrived home.”

“Oh,” Regulus mumbled quietly, eyebrows furrowing. “I thought she was off today.”

“Miss Y/N said that she had errands to run, though did not let Kreacher know what.” he said, his head dropping to the floor. “Kreacher was told that he would tell Master Regulus, and that it was meant to be a surprise.”

“I see.” he said, nodding curtly before walking with Kreacher to the kitchen. “What’d you make?”

“Pasta, Sir.” he said, smiling a bit. “A regular spaghetti, Miss Y/N requested some last week. Kreacher was told he did a marvelous job.”

“You did.” Regulus said, sniffing the mixed pasta over the stove. “It smells delicious.”

“Thank you, Master Regulus.” Kreacher smiled, grabbing him a plate. Regulus grabbed it from Kreacher’s hands before he could plate the food for him, plating it for himself instead.

“Thank you, Kreacher.” he said. “I’ll be in the office writing, okay?” he said, rushing off before Kreacher could say anything else.

“Oh,” Kreacher mumbled, looking at the pasta. “Okay.”

“Kreacher!” you called out, closing the door behind you with hands full of bags. 

“Miss Y/N!” Kreacher called out, feet padding over to the front door. He took some of the bags from your hands before you could stop him, the both of you making your way to the dining room.

“How’s Regulus?” you asked. “Did he come back?”

“I’m not sure how Master Regulus is.” Kreacher said softly. “He’s currently writing in his office, which he hasn’t done in a while.”

“Does he write often?” you asked curiously. You didn’t know he wrote things.

“Usually depressing things, Kreacher believes.” Kreacher said. “But Master Regulus wrote rather romantic things once he met you!”

“I didn’t know that.” you whispered.

Kreacher shrugged. “Miss Y/N does now.”

“Did you at least hide this secret?” you asked him, giggling softly as he smiled.

“Oh yes, Miss Y/N!” Kreacher said to you. “I told Master Regulus that Kreacher wasn’t told what Miss Y/N was doing. Kreacher is willing to help Miss Y/N with her project though.”

“Thank you, Kreacher,” you smiled. “Can you set it up while I go to check on him?”

Kreacher nodded happily, beginning to work on the gift you had prepared while you walked up the stairs to visit Regulus in his office. You could feel

your shoes echoing through the house, the knock on the door echoing just the same.

“Regulus?” you called out. 

There was some shuffling behind the door before it opened, though Regulus was standing in the doorway so you couldn’t see anything.

“Hi love,” you smiled. “You doing okay?”

“Mhm.” he nodded, pulling you into a hug. “Fine.”

You knew that he didn’t mean it, but you also knew he probably wouldn’t talk when he was forced too. Which left you with the choice of comfort.

“How was your family visit?” you asked softly.

He shrugged, walking out of the office and looking down at the floor. “It was okay. Sirius laughed at a lot of things, Andromeda was overly concerned. Remus had some sense to him at least.”

You nodded as he talked quietly about his visit, not knowing who any of the people he mentioned really were. Something about a stag in the beginning, a kid mentioned here and there. You didn’t mind too much though, you liked to hear him talk.

“You did such a good job today love.” you smiled.

Regulus looked at you confusedly, eyebrows furrowed. “What did I do?”

“You talked to your family, even after being estranged.” you said calmly. “And it went well! You did such a good job.”

Regulus felt a flush appearing on his cheeks before he turned around, not wanting to comment any further on that. “Thank you.”

“Now come on, I made you a present!” you smiled.

Regulus’ eyebrows furrowed even further as you stated that. “A present?”

“Mhm!” you smiled brightly, patting his head. “C’mon, it won’t eat itself.”

Regulus walked into the dining room with a small smile on his face, chuckling at the sight of the cupcake that Kreacher was holding. On the cupcake was a snake, with a little sign on top that stated ‘good job’ and a fondant scarf on top of it.

“Thank you.” he smiled, holding the cupcake up in the air. “Are you sure I can eat it?”

“I got it for you to eat.” she giggled softly.

Regulus nodded, smiling softly at the sound of your giggle. It was so comforting, the way that it radiated through the whole room and his mind. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome love,” you smiled, kissing his cheek lovingly. “Did you eat dinner?”

“I could eat with you.” he whispered, humming contently as Kreacher grabbed two different plates of pasta that she had made earlier. 

“Thank you.” Regulus said to Kreacher, sitting down across from you.

“How did it really go?” you asked him quietly. “How do you feel about it?”

Regulus picked at his pasta for a moment before looking over at you, sighing softly. “My sister wants to meet you. And my brother. And his brother. And his boyfriend.”

“That’s a lot of people.” you giggled softly. 

Regulus smiled softly. “It is.”

“Would you mind me meeting them?” you asked.

Regulus looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. “Do you want to?” 

You smiled gently at him, drumming your fingernails against the table and kicking your feet against the air under the table. “Mhm.”

“I,” he paused. “You can.”

AUTHOR'S NOTE

hi again everyone!!!

sorry that i haven't been active lately. my life has been absolutely hectic, and i have been on an absolute rollercoaster trying to just exist and maybe better myself? but i hope that this lives up to expectations!!! i'm going to try and start working again hopefully <3

AS ALWAYS - please like, comment, and reblog! love you!

[slytherinshua]

➷　CUPID SOCIETY　( 엔시티 위시 )

      summary . . . nct wish hyung line as cupids in training!!

genre fluff , cupid au , headcanons , nct wish hyung line x reader   cw arrows and potion consumption lol , like usual i struggled with yushi so i'm sorry if his sucks idk why i'm so bad at writing him :') , not proofread   wc 650   request no   note this was supposed to be an ot6 headcanon but i was running out of ideas for maknaes :( i will probably write the maknae line ver of this soon tho!! for now just the hyung line </3 maknae line version now posted   net @kstrucknet @chrimatanet

OH SION ﾐ 오시온

does not take his cupid training seriously at all

once he gets his own bow and arrows this man is a menace

shoots arrows at people for his own entertainment

will play evil cupid

if two people on campus hate each other he’s gonna shoot an arrow at least one of them and giggle while watching them fall for each other

his matches have a surprisingly high turnout rate though

once the effects of his arrows wear off the couple is usually still infatuated with each other

this inflates his ego though

will not use his “skills” on demand for anyone

no matter how much another student offers to pay him 

and his ability to refuse any offer he gets just makes him get even more

and this boosts his ego even more until he’s almost insufferably full of himself

his ego is eventually shut down by you though

when you start to compete with him over who can be a better cupid

and eventually one of your arrows ends up hitting him

the boy is down bad for you from that moment on

perhaps that was your plan the entire time 

MAEDA RIKU ﾐ 前田 陸

riku is the type of student that everyone loves

he’s always showing people around and helping them out

as if he’s been attending the school for decades

knows all the in’s and out’s

is somehow friends with every teacher

even knows secret pieces of knowledge about cupids and their magic

and he really likes to share the things he knows with people close to him

builds up a reputation this way as someone that is impossible to dislike 

and he’s seriously popular with the girls as well

not that any of them land a date with him though

the one thing he does keep secret is the person he’s been crushing on since he first stepped into the school

although he is very talented with a bow and arrow

and can also concoct a pretty strong love potion

he knows not to use his magic on you

it would be wrong to make you fall in love with him like that

and he would feel too guilty about it 

so he stays admiring you from the background hoping one day he’ll get the courage to ask you out

but lucky for him he won’t have to wait too long :)

TOKUNO YUSHI ﾐ 得能勇志

he’s quite inconspicuous  

doesn’t talk very much and is quite shy with other students 

so no one really gets to know him well

if they did, they would find out how passionate he truly is as a new cupid

he spends most of his time sharpening his arrows or trying new potion recipes

he even concocts his own potions that have never been done before

he doesn’t have anyone to test them out on, so he has to be his own test subject

they’re usually ineffective despite his attempts at researching

when the potions go wrong, he goes missing from classes for days at a time

you’ve noticed yushi from the sidelines and became curious about his disappearances

you decide to become his friend to find out why

which is hard at first because he’s incredibly awkward and it takes a while to get comfortable with him

but, with persistence, you do 

he tells you about his potions, which you find fascinating 

and finally having someone who is genuinely interested in him and what he’s doing is the push yushi needs to gain some confidence

you become best friends and always hang around each other

eventually, you test out one of yushi’s new potions with him

and it goes a little wrong right

yushi is so used to his potions failing that he hadn’t expected this one to work quite so well

now he has to deal with his best friend utterly enamoured with him every second of the day

but maybe that isn’t such a bad thing

nct wish taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @kangtaehyunzzz,, @eternalgyu,, @lexeees,, @nyukyusnz,, @planetkiimchi,,

@haecien,, @talkingsaxy,, @thesunsfullmoon,, @hursheys,, @mjupis,,

@lilly-cherry7,, @kpopandbookschild,, @taroddori,, @lexeees,, @voikiraz,,

@xikskrrrs,, @cupidslovearrows,, @yvshi

[kaulitzily]

Path to Redemption

PAIRINGS: Bill 2010 x female reader

GENRE: fluff & smut

SYNOPSIS: The young man's dry lips touched your neck with a smeared kiss, and the man's hand rested on your narrow waist, feeling the pleasant silk fabric under the pads of his fingers. “Am I forgiven?” Bill asked hopefully, continuing to kiss your slender neck. “I don't know,” You said mockingly, turning your head to the side, meeting the black eyes opposite.

WARNINGS: drunk sex

A/N: english is not my native language! It's a bit short and without details, sorry. I want to thank everyone very much for such activity, it's the first time for me to receive so much attention, thank you all very much!!

A light breeze gently penetrated into the bedroom, bringing with it the freshness of springtime. The silence, interrupted from time to time by the passing sounds of cars, created a calm atmosphere. The wall clock, which had already marked one o'clock ten minutes ago, reminded of the passing time. In the midst of all this, in a comfortable hotel room, you were quietly falling asleep, comfortably wrapped in starched snow-white blankets. You were breathing peacefully, periodically turning from one side to the other. But the sound of the door opening, as well as the attempt to close it as quietly as possible, was clearly a failure, because your sensitive hearing detected the appearance of someone else. This "someone" clumsily tried to take off his huge black shoes, and also grumbled with displeasure at the next setback.

You recognized that grunting and barely heard swearing in German right away. Sleepily standing on the cold floor, you gave up trying to find your slippers, going to the source of the sounds with your bare feet. The culprit of your unlucky dream was leaning on a locker in the hallway, trying to keep his balance, which obviously wasn't going well. The young man was standing with his back hunched over, and the familiar light windbreaker had long been lying a little apart from the shelf. You crossed your arms, watching your boyfriend's clumsiness, as well as his futile attempts to do something.

“Help?” Suddenly, a woman's voice made Bill start and turn around sharply. You were standing nearby in a dark blue nightgown, watching with a barely visible grin.

Exhaling in relief, the guy broke into a drunken smile. “Baby, you scared me.” He replied hoarsely, straightening up.

“Can you imagine how you scared me with your loud bang? I thought someone was after me!” You chuckled, coming closer.

“I'm sorry. I really tried to be as quiet as possible..” With typical Kaulitz sincerity, he apologized, lowering his head.

You softened your gaze by taking a man's hand in yours. “I heard you got hurt during the concert today, does it hurt much?” You asked with genuine concern, running your fingers over Bill's bandaged hand.

“It's okay, but I almost fainted from the sight of blood.” The brunette giggled.

“And you decided to forget what you saw with the help of booze? Or what? You usually prefer not to drink too much, but now you can't even take off your shoes on your own!” You shook your head, squatting down, helping him out of the high platform of his favorite boots.

“I didn't mean to. The guys just insisted and wouldn't let go!” Somehow taking off his uncomfortable shoes, the guy continued: “I told them that my princess was waiting for me, but they didn't believe it..”

“Just don't suck up now. You know perfectly well that I'm angry!” You furrowed your eyebrows, continuing: “I was hoping that at least today we would spend the evening together, but instead, you're back with your band, which you're almost married to!” Rolling your eyes, you blurted out, walking back towards the bedroom.

Kaulitz immediately hurried after your departing figure, tripping over the damn carpet in his manner. A guy on his own often bumps into something, and if he's not sober, he can fall or injure himself out of the blue. Cursing the stupid carpet, Bill followed you into the bright bedroom and saw you sitting on the edge of the bed with your back to him. And he's willing to bet that you're frowning at the panoramic window right now, pursing your lips into a thin line. After standing at the door for a while, he slowly walked deeper into the small room, sitting on the edge of the bed on the opposite side. The singer's head was spinning now because of the whiskey he had drunk, and nothing came to mind but to crawl up from behind and hug the fragile female shoulders, circling, hugging.

“Well, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to upset you..” He apologized softly, hugging you tighter, burying himself somewhere in your collarbone. You didn't say anything, still sitting with your arms crossed. “Do you want to come back here to Paris after the world tour? Just you and me. What do you say?” Kaulitz was already taking more significant actions. If only the ice between you would melt and you would stop sulking.

“Really?” You asked the question softly, with a less caustic tone.

“It's really true..” The brunette whispered in your ear, feeling the girl's tense shoulders relax, meaning that the guy had found a point of contact. The young man's dry lips touched your neck with a smeared kiss, and the man's hand rested on your narrow waist, feeling the pleasant silk fabric under the pads of his fingers.

“Am I forgiven?” Bill asked hopefully, continuing to kiss your slender neck.

“I don't know,” You said mockingly, turning your head to the side, meeting the black eyes opposite: “I still have an unpleasant sediment.” Your slender hand touched the singer's sharp cheekbone, gently stroking.

“I will do everything so that you no longer feel this "sediment".” The young man said reassuringly, before clinging to your parted lips. The native taste with notes of the distant sensation of "Glenfarclas" on the tongue surprised you. How long does Scottish alcohol last that even after such a long time you can catch the familiar taste of bitterness. Every touch of the skin, every movement of the lips is perceived by your senses, making you tremble from the energy that permeates from the inside. Bill ran his hot tongue over your lower lip, as usual, pulled in your upper lip, and then deepened the kiss to the bright stars in your eyes.

Kaulitz gradually moved to your sharp collarbones, slightly biting the pale skin, leaving small marks. You tilted your head to the side, giving more space for the greedy kisses that the German so passionately gave. Soft moans escaped from your lips, your eyelashes trembled slightly with pleasure, the thin strap of your nightgown was brazenly lowered under the influence of Bill's hands, exposing elastic female breasts. Completely relaxed, you leaned against the guy with your whole body, and, placing your head on his shoulder, moaned once again when Bill's cold palms touched your erect nipples. The contrast between hot breath on your neck and cold hands on your chest made your head spin, and Bill's arousal pressing against your lower back made it clear that you weren't the only one in a difficult position right now.

The manicured nails of the guy scratched the inside of your thigh, adding sharpness. Bill bit his lips until they bled, just not to moan with you in unison, because just the feeling of a pliant body in his own hands, caressing sighs full of pleasure, and the damn strong pressure of tight jeans pushed him to whine pitifully with impatience. Cold hands picked you up and laid you on the bed, and Kaulitz himself hung over you, looking at you with undisguised lust. He wanted to tear off the remnants of the rags hiding your seductive girlish body, and with the same fervor squeeze you into himself, taking everything without a trace. But instead, the brunette slowly lifted the hem of your dress up, throwing the already noticeably wet underwear aside. You were incredibly glad that the lights were off and you wouldn't have to be embarrassed by your nakedness again. But even so, the singer still stared there, licking his lips hungrily.

“Devil! Bill, stop looking! How many times have I asked!” Shyly squeezing your eyes shut, you tried to close your thighs. But the man's hands crossed the desire to hide, spreading your legs back anyway.

“It's not the first time we've done this, so why are you still so shy?” The German chuckled, continuing: ”You're just very beautiful..”

“God, spare me such compliments, especially those made at such a moment!” With your eyes fixed on the side, you asked.

“Good. I will not. Just don't stop looking at me.”Cuddling between my thighs, the guy gave me an ultimatum. Your eyes met the deep black depths again, into which it seemed it would be ideal to plunge and stay forever in this mysterious darkness.

“And why do you get so bold when you drink? You don't set any conditions for me when you're sober.”

Kaulitz didn't say anything, just gently brushed his lips over your inner thigh, knocking your breath away. The coffee-colored eyes still seemed to stare into your very soul, and the rough tongue stroked your crotch tightly, tearing a sweet moan from you. The wet flesh took the caresses extremely well, constantly contracting as his metal piercing bead teasingly slid over your sensitive spot. Pressing his fingers against the front wall of your vagina, Bill found the G spot and continued to stimulate your clitoris with his tongue.

The room was filled with wet sounds, vulgar smacking and feminine sighs. The hot tongue collected the plentifully flowing lubricant, preventing at least one drop of the thick liquid from leaking. Your hands are buried in the guy's black, coarse hair, generously varnished, pulling his face closer. Your hips instinctively moved towards him in order to enhance the sensations. The pace increased and the moans became louder each time, signaling that very soon you would reach the peak. Kaulitz knew all your weaknesses too well, and he took advantage of them. Not a single movement of the nimble tongue remained unnoticed, causing an irresistible range of emotions.

“Bill..” You whispered his name, thereby tearing down the German's tower completely. He fucking loved it when you moaned his name uncontrollably. “I'm going to..” Your toes curled up, your back arched, and a high-pitched scream indicated that you had reached your climax. You collapsed back onto the pillow, panting and squinting your eyes. Bill pulled away from your limp body, finally licking the remnants of lube on his lips, looking with shining eyes at the work done, and the result, without words, was excellent. Kaulitz's trademark half-smile formed by itself, too pleased, cat-sweet.

“Do I deserve your forgiveness now?” He whispered, running his nose over your cheekbone.

“Quite.” You chuckled wearily. Your gaze dropped to Bill's jeans, which were still bulging with an erection, causing a quiet laugh. “Come to me..” You pulled him towards you, luring him into a kiss.

The whole night is still ahead.

[365emotionlessfaces]

This is going to be a 10 part fic 🙃 I wrote it for entirely selfish reasons, but if you guys enjoy it, even better.

Melissa meets a girl at The Aspiring Teachers Program, but she’s just a kid. Many years later, she meets you and wonders if she should let go of the past.

The Aspiring Teachers Program

Part 1 WC~1.5k

Melissa was thirty-five and going through a nasty divorce from a nasty man. She had been in the teaching game for a decade now, and the last thing she wanted to do was volunteer for some Aspiring Teachers Program. Well, second to last. The redhead supposed that the only thing worse would be to be spending the week in the same house as Joe.

When she had told her friend, Barbara from work, the woman had just laughed and said that she had quit going to those things years ago. Too much hullabaloo for her liking. But Melissa needed out of the house, so she decided this would be the first and the last time she signed up for this stupid program.

The end of the school year came faster than Melissa would have liked, and by the second day of summer break, her suitcase was packed and she was on a flight to Chicago, of all places. The stupid program chose a new city and a different mix of teachers every year, so there was no guarantee you’d get an invite. To Melissa, that didn’t sound like too bad a deal. Yeah, sure, she’d have to be around a bunch of eighteen to twenty year olds, answer their questions, try to get them interested in teaching, and she was definitely not thrilled about that, but it beat what was waiting at home. Plus, it was all expenses paid.

When Melissa’s taxi pulled up to the camp, the literal camp, she started to think maybe she shouldn’t have come. It was very… rustic. Looking around, she realized that this thing was a lot bigger than she had anticipated. There must be at least a hundred people walking around. She noted the woman with the bullhorn seemed to have a sense of calm in the chaos that looked to be surrounding her. As Melissa exited the taxi, the bullhorn lady could be heard calling out names and assigning them to cabins. She rolled her eyes. This was going to be a long week.

As she stood amongst the crowd, but far enough back that she had a healthy amount of personal space, she listened for her name. A girl hollering off to her left made her turn her head to see the hubbub.

“Yo, Tie-Dye Girl. A little help here!” A young girl of probably twenty or so, stood in front of a giant pile of duffel bags and suitcases and waved to a woman in her forties wearing a campy tie-dyed shirt, who promptly turned on her heel and came to the girl's rescue. Melissa rolled her eyes.

“It’s giving Parent Trap,” a voice from Melissa’s right jolted her away from the tie-dye scene and to the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed teenager that stood beside her. The shock of the girl being so close startled Melissa so much, she let out a small yelp.

“What the hell are ya doin’, kid?” Melissa snapped. “I coulda killed ya.” The girl was not affected by Melissa’s harshness, or if she was, she certainly didn’t show it. In fact, Melissa was sure she saw the girl’s grin grow wider before she replied.

“Sorry,” the girl was radiating happiness and cheer, and it was almost enough to make Melissa sick. “You were standing here all alone, so I thought I’d make a friend.” The girl’s smile was so bright and strong, Melissa wondered if the girl ever stopped smiling. “It just reminds me of a movie from when I was a little girl.”

“You’re still a little girl.”

“I’m young, sure, but I’m almost twenty,” Melissa huffed at the girl’s response. Her smile still hadn’t faltered.

“Listen, I’m not a good friend, okay? So why don’t ya go make friends with those guys over there?” The redhead pointed randomly in the crowd, hoping the young girl would get the hint and leave her the hell alone. She wanted to enjoy this week as much as she could, and having a thorn in her side would not make that task easy.

After the young girl kept trying to make conversation, and had gone so far as to introduce herself, Melissa felt obligated to at least give the kid a name.

“Em,” she had told her. When the girl asked for her full name, or even her last name, Melissa joked with her. “What are you? The cops? If you’re the cops, you gotta tell me!” The young girl laughed and seemed to leave the matter alone after that.

Melissa had gone to the restroom, and when she returned to her bags, the young girl and her bags had gone. She took that as a small blessing and continued to listen for her name. Once given her cabin, she trudged her way to it, bags trailing along with her. She pushed through the cabin door, looked around the room, and thanked her lucky stars that the remaining bed free of luggage was the bottom of one of the two bunk beds. She’d be damned if she had to climb a freakin’ ladder to get to bed!

She unpacked the clothes and most of things she brought, and headed to the mess hall where the first meeting would be held. This would be where Teacher Buddies would be assigned and Melissa got to find out who she’d be spending the next two weeks with. Melissa was considered a Veteran Teacher, despite the fact that she was only in her mid thirties. She supposed it was due to the fact that the older teachers knew better than to come to these things. Since she was of the higher rank, she would be assigned to an Aspiring Teacher. One of these fresh-faced little things that had their whole lives ahead of them, and they wanted to teach. Poor things.

When she entered the hall, it was all abuzz. It was worse than the cafeteria at her elementary school the day after Halloween. There were grown adults and young adults laughing and yelling happily alike. Despite all the noise, Melissa thought it was kinda nice to see a room full of happy faces. Even if she knew most of them wouldn’t last. She looked around and found a few faces that looked like they wouldn’t be too much trouble for the next week. She hoped that she got one of them.

She was approached by the bullhorn lady, only this time she didn’t have the bullhorn, and was told that as a Veteran Teacher, she would go up on the stage with the other Veterans and draw the name of their Aspiring Teacher. This idea was not as thrilling to Melissa as Bullhorn Lady was trying to make it seem, but she did it anyway. When it was her turn, and she pulled out the name that young girl from earlier had given her, she considered making up a fake name, and pretending that her Aspiring Teacher hadn’t shown up. Unfortunately, before she could enact that plan, Bullhorn Lady took the paper and read the young girl’s name out loud. There was clapping and hooting, and then there the girl was again.

She and Melissa made their way to a table in the back and sat down. Melissa looked at the girl as she made some comments about not believing in fate or destiny and some bullcrap about coincidences, and the redhead wondered why the girl would tell her something like that. The girl had that damn smile, still, and her eyes were… kinda shiny. Melissa wondered if she had been that beautiful when she was younger. Surely not, or she wouldn’t currently be going through a divorce.

“So, whattaya think?” The young girl asked, making Melissa snap back to reality.

“Sorry, Parent Trap. I wasn’t listenin’. Whadja say?” This time when the girl smiled, there was something else to it. The redhead noticed the difference, but couldn’t quite tell what it meant. Melissa had to work to focus on what she was saying instead of getting lost in her thoughts again.

“I was thinking that you could hit me with the worst of it first. Tell me all the horror stories about teaching, so I can steel myself for them now, ya know? And then if I can make it through those, maybe you can tell me why it’s worth it?”

Those plans were foiled before Melissa could be the one to break the girl’s heart. Bullhorn Lady announced that the week would be a series of competitions and games for the Buddies, and the free time at the end of the nights would be dedicated to asking and answering all the questions the Aspiring Teachers had. Melissa groaned. This is not what she thought this week would look like.

When she returned to her cabin after everyone was released from the mess hall, Melissa was surprised to see that not only was the young girl her Buddy, she was also one of her three roommates. ‘Oh, boy. This just keeps getting better.’ She decided that it was in her best interest to mind her business, and only talk to the girl when necessary. So she grabbed her pajamas, and changed in the tiny bathroom provided in the corner of the only slightly larger cabin. The air was warm for Chicago, which made Melissa very glad that she chose the outfits she did. When she returned to her bed in her light pink silk tank top and matching shorts, she was too focused on minding her own business that she didn’t notice the young girl’s eyes glued to her frame or how flushed the girl’s face had become.

Part Two

[callsign-muffin]

Heal Together: Chapter 11 (Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw fic)

*insert TikTok voice* Heyyyyyy, how y'all doin'? I disappeared for a while. I've been doing a lot of... for lack of a better word... healing. And a hell of a lot more working. But here is chapter 11, it's kind of filler but it took me like weeks of working on it off and on.

Masterlist + Playlist

Word Count: 1.6k+

This was so weird. You hadn’t heard from Bradley all day, even after leaving him a voicemail. He usually got back to you within a few hours or at least by the end of his work day. Your mom called you back before your lunch break ended, despite being disappointed that this meant you probably wouldn’t move back home anytime soon, she was happy that you’d have a change of pace. She asked about Bradley and assured you that he was probably just caught up in something important at work and would get back to you as soon as possible. As you went to clock out for the night, your phone vibrated in your pocket, an unknown number.

“Hello?” You answered.

“It’s Natasha,” Phoenix’s voice said sternly on the other end, “how’s he doing?”

“How’s who doing?”

“Oh my god,” she groaned, “that idiot didn’t call you. Did he?” 

Your heart dropped into your stomach, “What happened to Bradley?”

“Bird strike. He had to eject.”

“Can you please explain that in English before I lose my shit?” 

“Shit, sorry. A bird strikes when a plane collides with a bird, usually a flock of birds. When they fly into the engine, it can lead to malfunction and sometimes even a crash.” She explained.

“Oh my god!” You gasped, “Did he crash?!”

“No, he ejected from the plane and used his parachute. It’s just protocol that they go get checked out at the hospital. Even the safest ejections can still end with broken bones or concussions.”

“I’m headed down to the ED now,” You stated firmly.

Natasha chuckled, “If he’s not too beat up already, you should kick his ass for not calling you.”

You scoffed, “I’m tempted.”

You never ran through the hospital so fast in your life. You blew through the crowded waiting room, scanning, hoping that maybe Bradley was sitting out there waiting. Based on the laws of triage, being in the waiting area is actually a good thing. Your pulse increased even more when you didn’t see him and you badged yourself in, heading to the nurse’s station.

“Bradley Bradshaw,” you choked out, “Is Bradley Bradshaw here?”

A cute nurse that had obviously only stopped moving to take a 2 second water break called out from behind the secretary, “He’s in CT but he should be back shortly.”

“I’m his… girlfriend.” You said uneasily since it was the first time you’d actually referred to yourself as that out loud.

The nurse smiled, “Ah, he said you work here and hadn’t called you. I had a feeling you’d find him anyways. You can wait for him in bay 15.”I

“Thank you…” you looked down and scanned her badge, “… Jenny.”

You made your way to the empty examination area behind the curtain. Everything seemed to be in its place, all that was missing was a stretcher. A put together room was always a good sign. You couldn’t help but pace back and forth as you waited for him to get back. Based on everything you saw and heard from his nurse, Bradley was most likely fine but you couldn’t let yourself believe that until you saw him for yourself.

“Y/N!” A familiar voice called out.

You whipped around to see Bradley being rolled back into the room on a stretcher. Besides the bandage across his forehead, he was completely intact.

“Who told you I was here?!” He asked, “I didn’t want to bother you after a long day of work.”

You waited until the transport personnel exited the room before talking, “A little bird and she told me I should kick your ass.” Despite your relief, you were still fucking pissed.

“Phoenix?”

You nodded, “And I sure am glad she did ‘bother’ me after a long day of work. Bradley, I didn’t hear from you all day long, I was already worried. If Nat hadn’t called me and I had gone home for the night, I would have continued to worry myself sick!”

Bradley sighed and laid his head back against the pillow, “I’m sorry.”

A familiar sting of tears started in your eyes, “When were you planning on telling me you ejected yourself from a fucking plane, Bradshaw?!” 

“I don’t know… I just… I don’t know.” He seemed hesitant.

You sat at the edge of his bed, “Whatever it is… you can tell me.”

“I’ve just…” He turned away slightly, unable to look you in the eye, “I’ve never had someone to call before.”

His words stopped you dead. It had never occurred to you, he wasn’t used to having someone to call when something happened. No parents, no siblings, all of his friends were in his squad, so they always knew.

“It sounds so pathetic when I say it out loud.” He swallowed hard.

You reached out and gave his knee a loving squeeze, “Well, now you do. This is your ‘get out of jail free card’.”

He placed his hand over yours, “I’m sorry.”

You wiped away a few stray tears, “Don’t let it happen again.”

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

To Bradley’s surprise, Y/N stayed with him until he was discharged from the emergency room around 10pm. He had a concussion, two cracked ribs, and a couple stitches in his forehead. Not too bad for a bird strike.

Y/N had gone to get her car from the employee garage to pick him up at the entrance, despite his initial protests. Bradley made the very wise decision to drop it and let her help him, he couldn’t stand to see her as upset as she was when she first saw him. It hadn’t even occurred to him to call her and let her know he got hurt, he was so used to dealing with the dangers of his job on his own. Seeing her so scared and tearful hurt him more than the rib fractures and concussion ever could.

When Y/N texted him that she was pulling around to the front of the emergency room, he saw that he also had a missed call and voicemail from her at about two in the afternoon. Her old silver sedan pulled up, she parked and got out to help him get in the car.

“Y/N, I got it.” Bradley groaned through the pain.

She ignored him and held his arms so that he could slowly sit down in the passenger’s seat, “Easy does it.”

She reached across him to buckle his seat belt and he chuckled, “You’re lucky I’m broken Y/N. With you reaching across me… looking so good in those scrub pants… I’m not sure if I could control myself.”

“You’re a goofus.” She scoffed but made sure to give him a small peck on the cheek before closing the passenger door and walking around the car to the driver’s side and climbing in.

Bradley short circuited for a moment, “A goofus? Like a goofy doofus?”

Y/N shrugged, not taking your eyes off the road as they drove away from the hospital, “I’m not sure what I meant to say… honestly, I’m so sleepy all of my words are jumbling together.”

“Aw, honey…” he sighed, “pull over… let me drive.”

“Absolutely not! You had a dose of morphine in the ED, you can’t drive!”

He looked over and gave her a goofy grin, “I love it when you get all smart and passionate and medical.”

She shook your head, trying to hide the fact that his loving words made her flustered, “I need to get your ass home so I can get my ass home.”

Stand and Deliver by Patrick Droney played quietly in the background, the lyrics feeling ever so appropriate.

"Won't drown in the river, I'll swim out to you. I'll stand and deliver, I'll carry you through. If you lose all the meaning of life, love, and truth; I'll stand and deliver, I'll show up for you."

“Sleep at my house.” he reached over and placed a warm palm on her thigh, “Please.”

She didn’t even have the energy to fight him, it had been too long of a day, “Okay.”

Bradley didn’t allow Y/N to act as his nurse anymore that night. He insisted that she was off the clock and needed to go to bed. That last thing he wanted to do was add to her stress and burn out. In the morning, he woke up feeling as though he had been hit by a train. Yes, the majority of his pain was around his ribs but he had the slightest headache too. He looked over to see Y/N next to him, dead asleep on her side, breathing deeply, mouth slightly open, with a little trickle of drool escaping her mouth onto the pillow. A warmth grew in his chest, he was so happy to see someone who worked so hard finally at rest. He didn’t dare make any sudden moves or noises that could wake her up.  He reached over and grabbed his phone from the bedside table, there was a text from Y/N around 3am… What the hell?

Y/N: I forgot to tell you before we went to bed. Take 2 Tylenol every 8 hours for the headache and 3 ibuprofen every 6 hours for the body aches

He looked over at her sleeping body and studied her a little more closely, only to realize she fell asleep with her phone in her hand. Poor thing must’ve sent the text and then knocked right back out. Bradley, slowly, carefully and quietly maneuvered himself out of bed. He checked to make sure all was clear and Y/N was still snoozing away and it was a success. He gently took her phone from her hand and placed it on the table by her side of the bed, plugging it into the charger that permanently lived there, just for her. She let out a peaceful hum, turned her body towards his side of the bed and buried her face into his pillow. It took everything in his power for him not to listen to his instincts, bury his face into her neck and give her sweet kisses until she woke up. Maybe later. For now, his sweet girl needed sleep.

Tag list:

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[angels-read-fanfiction-too]

okay yes i've been gone for like two months but WHATEVER! JERRY STOKES FANFICTION RN!

Established relationship sickfic!

Warnings: Vomit and swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Can i come in, please?"

Jerry had told you on Friday that he was going to a friends house for the weekend to perform an impressive 32 hour sci-fi marathon! You weren't going to stop him despite your hope to hang out on Saturday, it sounded fun! Bonding, staying up, fun chats, junk food!

It was not fun.

Jerry now stood at your door at 10pm on a Sunday in a vomit stained t-shirt 5 times too big for him, sickly pale skin littered with bruises, blood and cuts, a defeated look on his gaud face and a hazy look in his eyes that made you worried he would pass out on your doorstep. You almost didn't let him in with how much he reeked of sweat, blood and vomit but you needed to. "Jesus christ, Jerry! Come in, please, i'll get you some water and just sit down!" You quickly ushered him in, giving him your hand which was met with him clinging onto your arm. You didn't mind! Honestly! Okay, maybe a little with his breath of cheezits and stomach acid, but you were happy he felt okay to depend on you like that. He sat down on the staircase, the first thing he could find to rest on, and you rushed off to the kitchen to grab some water. As you did so, Jerry wondered to himself why he even did this... He thought it would be great but now he's humiliated himself in front of his partner. He kinda hated himself right now.

"Here you go, Jer. Drink up and you'll feel better. I'm so sorry i wasn't there, what happened?" Handing him the water, you began to ramble in an almost motherly concern for him that tended to come out frequently due to how often he got himself hurt. A blush covered Jerry's cheeks and ears as he felt how deeply you cared for him. He quickly drank up and let out a belch that made you nervous he'd vomit on your mothers new carpet. "Josh was being a fucking idiot and he made us drink coffee-" His stomach loudly grumbled which just made you more nervous. "Okay it's time to go to my room!" You pulled up his sluggish body from under his armpits like a misbehaving cat and helped him upstairs "I'm really sorry... We didn't mean it to end up like this and my mom and dad would be so mad if i came home like this." Jerry spoke with a horse voice as he clung onto you. You sighed in pity and gave him a kiss on his hair, somehow picking up both blood and Dorito crumbs? No more kisses until he has a shower, it's not worth it. You truly put up a lot with this boy but at least the kiss seemed to help him, putting a gentle smile on his face. He sat down on your bed and immediately gets comfortable in it, even taking one of your stuffed animals into your arms as he closed his eyes. He only muttered, "Im gonna sleep here..." Before immediately conking out. He certainly needed it, he could barely get up the stairs without closing his eyes, yet this was a pretty difficult situation. You hadn't told your mother that he's come over, there's school tomorrow, his parents are probably wondering where he is, but as you see him asleep after such an obviously difficult day, you suddenly don't mind. Pulling the duvet over him, you tried your best not to wake him and left a kiss on his cheek. Maybe this last kiss was worth it.

[juno-of-wonderland]

Ace and/or Duece with an Outlander (SOTM: Cauldron) styled reader? A succession of vaguely the same person who continuously kills/gets killed by other versions of themselves to grow stronger.

note: The post is completely bugged and I don't know how to fix it, hence the strange format, sorry. About the request, I tried to search to get more information, but I didn't find anything, so it's all based on the explanation, I hope you can still appreciate it.

Warning: Mention of death and injuries, not revised

Here's the situation, you were calm in the dorm room, the ghosts and Grimm had gone somewhere, so you thought you could have some peace, but the universe is against it apparently, the window is broken and another you jumps in, already running towards you, you weren't going to let this one end your little peace in this new world.

Ace Trappola

-"What the fuck?! Why are you fighting someone like you?!"

he remains static, he tries to understand the moment first and decide who to help, until you shout his name, now he already knows who to grab

with Ace's help, you knock out your copy, you look at the damage done with the cuts on your body with the knife that was thrown in the corner a long time ago

he talks a lot, like a lot, he tries to help you with the wounds, helps you tie up your other version, but what the fuck man -"are you killing each other?! Why?!…ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS WHEN I LEAVE?!" -He's disconcerted to say the least, he also wonders if some of the spells here can protect you like, I don't know, make you invisible to these guys, a 24-hour protective shield, anything -This man is working in secret for your protection, but he doesn't deny that he cares

Deuce Spade

-"T-two?…HEY STOP IT!" -He goes for it, he doesn't think beforehand, he just wants to separate the two of you -Because of that he gets punched, while you said his name, he's wondering if you would be offended if he hit you back, because this person has your face -But you take care of everything and after he's sure that your life isn't at risk, he asks for an explanation -…that's bad, he thinks, but he's never seen you going after him so maybe it's a choice, a shortcut to get stronger faster? He says out loud that you could gain strength with physical exercise and not… by killing each other.

-He promises that his fist will be your fist from now on and if he needs to be with you all the time, then that's okay, he's not letting someone he cares about get hurt.

[unknownogre]

( I got a little inspired from Facebook...and was just able to sit down today to write it. I approached it not exactly from the prompt's direction too but that is the scene that popped in my head.)

“Well…I have to ask, am I dead?”

Moments ago I was just sitting at my desk sipping a cup of coffee playing a lovely game of slaughter the Nazi when I found myself suddenly not there. Still had my coffee in had though, Deadpool pajama pants for the whole damn world to see no shoes and, I’m sorry to those that had to see me, no shirt. Someone was standing in front of me too, lithe build with a very baggy hoodie and baggy pants on wearing some kind of sneaker and a face that was obscured by shadows that were impossibly dark for the time of day and location.

“No, finish your coffee and let’s go.”

Fuck…people were walking around us like they didn’t notice me or them. The voice of the person was androgynous and a touch echoey. I knew one thing in this moment, without introduction and without me even having to ask the question, in my bones I knew this was Death. THE Death the primordial force that will exist until the end of the universe.  So weird, I wonder if they developed that power just to make it easier.

“Alright, fuck it. Not like I have a choice do I…?”

I already hate this. I’ve got body issues, most fat guys do no matter the praise they get. Fuck, I hope I don’t have to fight anything. I have no idea how I’ll do. I don’t fight, no one wants to fight me so I’ve never had to.

“No you don’t have to fight. Maybe, I’m not sure. People handle the situation differently. I’m just Death, I don’t know the future or the past. Think there is a time you’re supposed to die? Absolutely not. Chaos my friend. Complete Chaos.”

That…honestly that made me feel a lot better about a lot of things. Though to delve into that right now would completely pull my focus away from whatever this is.

“Why me?”

I had to ask as we walked another block. If Death was powerful enough to just pull me out of my living room I figured we could at least get closer, though…my feet don’t hurt even though they are bare so that is good at least.

“In a two-thousand-mile radius of my current problem your soul was the only one that matched what I needed…what ever that is. I don’t know have exact details. I just know when I problem arises and I need help I concentrate and the one who is best able to help just appears to me like a blip on a radar.”

Well…it is nice to be needed right. I mean I doubt that is the case, I’m not that special. I’m just me. I took another sip of my coffee.

“What do I get out of this?”

I don’t work for free. I’m completely convinced when given any modicum of power I’d go full on super villain. I know at my core I’m evil, just the kind of evil that still wants to protect those that love and cherish. Touch my wife and I’ll burn the whole damn world down, same for my kid. So again, I wonder why I was the blip.

“A favor.”

That was all Death needed to say. I get a favor from Death, I mean I bet there are rules and what not attached to it, but who wouldn’t want a favor from Death. That was enough for me.

“And lunch. A favor and lunch and you have yourself a deal.”

Death stopped and turned around to look at me, I could feel the weight of their gaze too but I just stood there and stared at where I thought their eyes would be crossing my arms across my chest with a smirk…Never take fully what is offered. Ask for just a little more.

“You got it. Cause I know what you want…hell I want it too. A favor and lunch.”

That was good enough for me. Almost made me forget I was shirtless and barefoot in a large city. We approached a hospital and headed right in. We passed the nurses station, and I was able to grab a scrub top much to their confusion. I felt better with a shirt on at least. We went up to the morgue…and there…holy crap.

It was some kind of creature, twisted with pitch flesh and blood ooze from various places, like self-inflicted wounds. It was just roaring and trying to smash through things it couldn’t fully interact with. There were some forms in the corner cowering in fear…ghosts? I don’t have time to question everything.

“Calm them down.”

…wait…what?!..

It was just a roaring beast that was at least six feet tall. I think it was meant to be bi-pedal but it was only that way sometimes. Like how some movies show werewolves, like they can walk a few steps until they want to run and then it is down on all fours.

“Well…fuck. Okay. Hey.”

I started waving slightly. The creature made a swipe for me but It was slow I was able to step back to avoid it. The ‘mission’ was to calm them down. Calm, not hurt, not subdue but calm.

“HEY!”

I said again, but this time with the power of dad voice. I didn’t like using it much, unless we were outside and my kid was about to run into a parking lot or something just as dangerous. I have NO information to go off of. Death wasn’t a planner were they? The creature’s attention was fully on me now. Good, that is what I needed…not what I wanted though. I knew I wasn’t dead now because my heart was hammering in my chest.

“Knock it the fuck off okay. You are scaring the shit out of these other people. What the hell is going on anyway? I’m sure being dead sucks but this…this can’t be good for you, can it?”

The creature seemed to understand my words if only for a moment before it roared at me. Its mouth…chilling. Elongated like a wolf but the teeth…they were human. I could make money on this if I could get into practical effects and recreate the look.

What to do. I had to use a chair to keep it back and out of swiping range. I don’t think I can actually die here…but maybe no risk no reward.

“This can’t kill you, but if it manages to hurt you too bad I am SOL and will have to destroy it completely. I don’t want to do that so I brought you.”

So it was a soul, something twisted and probably not evil. Otherwise there would be no sympathy. I need more compassion. The  creatures attention was still on me and all those cowering in the corner were watching with rapt attention. There is a lot of rage here, so much anger, and where there is anger there is sadness. Okay…okay…got it.

“Hey, we are just gonna talk alright. I won’t yell anymore. Just calm, just calm and cool. Listen I can’t help you right now. Not with all this rage and aggression. Trust me. I want to help you. I get nothing out of the situation if you are harmed. What happened? Why are you so angry?”

It took another swipe at me. Fuck…this thing is strong, almost knocked the chair out of my hands. It was hurt, even it was just by itself. When I met its gaze I could see such sadness. Rage and sadness. I got you.

“Hey. Listen, I am here for you, okay? I am here for you. Not Death, not these people in the corner, you and just you. Fuck any reward…fuck anything else okay. Just me and you here. I am your friend. No one touches you unless they step over my literal dead body, which isn’t even HERE so they are screwed trying to find it. You don’t deserve this, what ever this is. So talk to me. Let me help you, that is all I want right now.”

That caused the creature to pause and look at me. Tears welling up in its eyes. I see why I was called. Most people wouldn’t look in its eyes, they couldn’t see the pain there. They’d see the twisted muscle, the claws…they’d be hostile. Monsters were fantasy for me until I was brought here.

“I…they…momma…MOMMA!”

It cried and looked around panicked. This is a child. THIS IS A CHILD! Thank gods I didn’t hit it, and now I know why the dad voice caused it to pause. I wonder if these souls were trying to help before or where they just trying to leave after they died? Hard to say.

“Hey kid…calm down. Shhhh I got you okay. You want to see your Mom once more. We got you okay. Did they take you and here away at the same time?”

The kid seemed calmer now, just tears streaming from its eyes. They nodded and seemed to wrap their twisted arms around themselves, rocking a little bit. Certainly a kid. I sighed for a moment.

“Would you like a hug? I can give you a hug if you’d allow. Sometimes its nice to just get grounded. I’m a dad, so I can only imagine how it is being separated from your mom. I give the best hugs too, I’m like a teddy bear.”

That is why my daughter said when she was younger anyway. Daddy bear hugs. The child looked to me hesitantly and then nodded slowly. I got up from the chair and I moved slowly. I had no weapons, I’m a big dude but people say they aren’t scared of me. I like to think I’m not scary normally anyway. When I got close enough I just wrapped my arms around them. Sure some of their spikes went into my skin, hurt like a bitch too, the blood smelled terrible as well…still though. Sometimes a hug is what the doctor called for. The kid just started to cry. Its massive head put on my shoulder and nestled into the crook of my neck like my daughter did plenty of times when she was little. I felt they shift, the sound of…gods I don’t know, snapping bone and such was heard all around. I just closed my eyes and held the kid for as long as they squeezed me back.

Soon, I was holding a five year old boy who was finally calming down from all the crying. The holes from the wounds and claws were still there on my body but he looked alright. Oddly I wasn’t bleeding��wonder if that was Death’s doing? Or do I not bleed if I’m not solid? Too many questions I’ll leave for another day.

“Can you take us to his mom?”

Death just nodded as I held the kid in my arms. We left the morgue and went to a hospital room where the kids mother was. She was alive, but badly hurt. Apparently there was a car accident, they got hit by a drunk driver. The kid was dead just after arriving. Freaked out when he couldn’t find his mom. I held him for a while.

“Momma will be okay?”

He asked me and I looked to Death who nodded with a touch of a shrug. I know, chaos on all that stuff, suddenly I was a little less reassured.

“She’ll be okay little one. Best thing you can do is let Death take you to the next world, be as happy as you can. Your mom will cross over eventually, and then you two can play. Just be happy and play as much as you can in the meantime okay?”

The little boy nodded and I set him down, he walked to his mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning to go hold hands with Death. Sudden I was back in front of my desk…wearing the scrubs top my coffee cup filled to my liking.

“Get dressed. Lunch is gonna be in an hour.”

I heard Death’s voice in my mind. I could only grinned. I was about to get my favorite sandwich on the planet, that alone was worth it. Still, I would have done it for free if there was nothing Death could give me. That kid needed the guidance. I wonder how many have crossed over and looked to reunite with someone but couldn’t due to held back rage and depression. That…that breaks my heart.

“Also thank you. You were certainly the best pick.”

I smiled at that, again…feeling useful was nice. Well time to get dressed, I wonder how Death will get me half-way across the country to that sandwich place? I don’t care…number 15 here I come.

[lgvalenzuela]

Second part, this turned out to be a bigger project (?) than expected.

Errr sorry

Some people were left trapped in the Crossroads, after the Eluvians shut down. The search for Rook had them so preoccupied they hadn't even had the time to take care of them, but with luck, at least one of them would be a healer. With the world in such turmoil they couldn't waste time letting Rook recuperate normally.

Davrin wished there was another way, any other. That he could take his friend to stroll through Arlathan again, that he could hear Lyra talk with Assan as they took some of that tea. But there was no time.

Davrin and Taash asked any mage they found, there weren't many but at least one of them should be a mildly competent healer.

They found the children near Dock Town’s Eluvian. Leah Hawke, the little dragon, had her hand on it, hoping with all her might it might open any minute now. Anything to go back and help, she couldn't just stay put doing nothing. But Dorian forced her hand, he shoved her through the Eluvian unexpectedly.

Leto Hawke came from Rivain, his confrontation with Isabela wasn't as forceful. But both of the twins ended up stranded aimless in the Crossroads. Leto held his bag close, they had worked so hard on…

He was the first to see them, Davrin and Taash looked worried and in a hurry. Leto put his hand on her sister’s shoulder. Leah turned to them, her tired expression mixing with a bit of relief and a bit of concern:

“Leah!” they shouted, Assan run to her, tucking at her dress

They called for her specifically, which didn't particularly help with the stress. Davrin approached her directly explaining their predicament as succinctly as he could. While Taash noted Leto’s presence with a sigh:

“Oh this is great, I was worried about you guys” they said

“Come on, you too? Didn't you start fighting dragons when you were fourteen or something?” commented Leto, pointing

“Yep, you have to he at least fourteen”

“That's bullshit and you know it”

They managed to draw a smile on his face, which was a relief because he didn't know how long it had been since he last smiled at that point.

Leah was nodding along with Davrin's explanation, looking more and more worried by the second:

“In that case, take me to the Lighthouse then, quickly” she said with a dignified pose

She always said she was a better necromancer than a healer, but she hadn't failed them before:

“Leah, Neve will want to know about Livia” said Davrin on their way to the Lighthouse

“Lady Mercar…” Leah tried to think of the last time she saw her “Minrathous is in such disarray, I can't- I can't quite place last time I saw her. But she's with the other Shadow Dragons…I think she's okay”

“Let's hope so, Neve has lost enough already” scoffed Taash, looking at the ground

Leah played with her fingers nervously, exchanging glances between the floor and Davrin:

“I- Lyra is in Minrathous too…”

She might as well just hold his heart in her hand and squeezed it, with what that single phrase did to it.

He had about a million questions, and he wanted none of them answered. Why was she bringing that up? Was she about to give him bad news? He loved Lyra's strength but it was one archer against an ancient mage with the power of a god.

Assan was smarter than him at that moment, he heard Lyra’s name and rubbed his break against Leah’s hand. She smiled softly:

“She's alive boy, she wasn't even hurt last time I saw her”

He sighed loudly and Taash gave him a friendly punch on his arm. Couldn't help but feel a little tinge of guilt, everyone was coming back. Everyone except Harding.

There was no time to think about that, if Lyra was in Minrathous there could only be one explanation:

“That means Solas-”

Leah nodded solemnly:

“He's there too”

—----------------------------------------

They found Neve and Emmrich pacing back and forth in the library, they stayed close but left some room for the lovers to reunite, or maybe that just was a lie they told themselves.

Seeing the twins must have lifted a great weight off their shoulders, they ran to them, making sure they were okay. Emmrich hadn't gotten letters from Leah in a while, and was obviously worried about his little friend. He asked about Dorian, which Leag shocked off her head. She didn't know what to say.

As expected Neve asked about Livia, looking down at Leah's inconclusive answer:

“I'm sure she's alright Neve” Emmrich placed a hand on her back “You know she's a strong woman, and she knows how to survive”

“I want to believe you, but-”

“There's no time, Solas is in Minrathous” stated Davrin cuttingly

Horror washed over Neve and Emmrich's faces, of course he was. If Elgar'nan was there, and Solas hated him as much as Rook stated:

“Then the Shadows-” Neve started with fear

“He's helping them!” finished Leah quickly, before the fear escalated

Neve seemed taken aback by that, but if that was the case. It bought them some time:

“If we know anything is that we can't trust Solas' help” remarked Davrin “But we know we can trust Rook. We got him back. We'll get Bellara. Neve you're getting Livia and your city. And I'm getting Lyra”

Neve scoffed with a little smirk, of course Lyra was there too:

“Of course we are” said Emmrich with optimism

“We are a bunch of idiots” she said “Come on Leah, Rook really needs to see a good healer”

—------------------------------------------------------

The way they approached Taash' room, one would've said they were going to their execution. The state they found Finn in had rattled them more than they expected.

After everything, what if this was what finally broke him?

Davrin was the only one brave enough to open the door. Finn turned to them with a sweet and calming smile, and every worry they might have had washed away:

“Hey guys” he said

All of this, and he still just smiled. And they already knew, he did that not because he wasn't afraid, but so they wouldn't be.

And damn that charm of his, worked every time.

Lucanis was faithfully at his side, holding his hand. Maybe the most relaxed they've ever seen him:

“It's so good to see you…” continued Rook

His voice sounded hoarse and weak, Leah approached him as Emmrich sent Manfred to fetch some water and bread.

“Come on, it's good to see you” Davrin sat by the side of the bed while Leah did her magic

“I was worried…something had happened to you guys…”

“You really say that, like you weren't the one missing” said Neve

“Bellara is also missing…” Rook looked down

“We'll get her, like we got you” Davrin stroked his shoulder reassuringly

Rook snorted softly, the healing was already giving him a more alive tint to his skin.

“A little bird told me you saved my life” Rook smirked, his friend gave him a light scoff

“Just followed whatever he was doing” he said pointing to Lucanis “And the mages closed your wound, so”

“I know, I know” he laughed, looked up to Lucanis “This is how you finally kiss me”

“I'll make it up to you” he said, with melancholy

“I know” he smiled sweetly and Lucanis couldn't help but reciprocate

Manfred brought the food as Leah was finishing. Happily chanting Rook's name (well, nickname)

“Rook have you…” started Leah

“Yeah…I can't see anymore”

Leah clenched her fists. Folding her skirt in a cold fury.

“I should've done more. My brother... Or my father…”

“Hey, I got this from an old friend… Don't carry my mistakes, sometimes things like this happen, and it will be okay”

Rook looked down, he tried not losing his smile for as long as he could.

“I have to go to the infirmary, could you come with me?”

—------------------------------------------------------

He held Varric's coat, close to his heart. He had already cried, he had already said goodbye. So he was not breaking down again, or at least not for now.

“Rook?”

“All this time… I don't know how Solas did it but I've been seeing Varric this whole time”

Silence fell through the room, with horrified looks. Only Neve broke it.

“Blood magic” she said “I should've… Rook we thought you knew”

“Yes, of course. I'm not blaming you. It's just… was there a funeral? Anything? Did I forget that too?”

Neve shacked her head, she looked at the twins.

“There was a celebration on Kirkwall but… sorry we didn't tell you Rook”

“Again, it's not your fault. Solas was manipulating my mind…” he got his hair off his face, Lucanis put his hand on his arm. If anyone knew how that felt it was definitely him “I will… when all of this is over” he sighed “I was too afraid to ask… but you look so frazzled, how long have I been out?”

Emmrich and Neve looked at each other. Taash looked down, frowning.

Davrin put his hand on his shoulder:

“About three weeks”

Rook clicked his tongue. His mind racing, already making plans.

He held Lucanis' hand, still on his arm.

“In that time… do we know where Elgar'nan is? Solas?”

“They're in Minrathous” answered Neve

“Damn it, like Minrathous haven't had enough” Rook sighed “Alright, let's put everything in order, we need to leave as soon as possible”

“Rook, you must know, the Eluvians shut down after-” started Emmrich

“Have you talked to the Caretaker?”

“We've tried reaching out to them but-”

“Very well” Rook rolled up his sleeves “They'll answer to me”

He walked out of the infirmary with determination.

—------------------------------------------------------

Lucanis made some cioccolata calda for the children, as a thank you for helping Finn. And because this must be hurting them the hardest, them and every other child caught up in any of these wars. And they were from Ferelden, and mages, so they knew something about war.

Leto placed his backpack on the kitchen table, opening it slowly:

“Come on, it's safe here” he said

“Are you talking to your backpack?” asked Lucanis, approaching him

“More or less”

“He has some precious cargo” Leah looked in there

Leto had been with the Lord of Fortune for a year, so he expected jewels of treasure. But the first thing he saw were two cats.

A fluffy light brown cat with a sort of squished face, they had seen before, it was Leah's cat Prince. The other cat, a dark brown cat with golden eyes they had never seen:

“Come on Prince, you have to come out” asked Leah trying to reach for Prince but he retreated

“They're intimidated by the Fade” explained Leto

“Professor, do you think you can help us?” asked Leah, looking at Emmrich

“Oh I'm not sure, animals have never been my area of expertise” but he approached them either way

“There's something in here that we really need to get to Rook” explained Leto

Davrin looked inside at the cats, and placed some treats on Leto’s hand:

“Honestly, in my experience every creature can be bribed with food”

“I'll trust the monster hunter”

The twins got their little creatures out of the bag slowly. Assan and Manfred seemed especially curious about the little cats and approached them slowly. Meeting a big feathery cat and a walking skeleton did not help the poor creatures calm their nerves. Neve had to hold the cats while Leah got her father's skull out.

She sighed:

“It's in good condition, that's good. I don't know what I would've done if anything happened to it”

“Have a little faith, that's our dad I wouldn't let anything happen to it”

“Not on purpose…”

“Ouch…”

There was only one more thing inside. It was indeed intended just for Rook, a token of appreciation from good friends.

The rest couldn't help but smile as they saw it.

—------------------------------------------------------

Rook came later, and everyone scattered to get ready for battle. Somehow he had done it, he talked with the Caretaker, got the Eluvians running again and got messengers for their allies. They would be there as soon as they were able.

Everyone explained what they knew as best they could, gave him the false lyrium dagger. And scattered to prepare for battle. Rook took a moment to speak to each of them, but they mostly just wanted him to rest as much as he could before they had to leave.

When he walked to what was now his room he was exhausted, and he knew he wouldn't get much time to rest before all of this. He saw a backpack on the floor, but dismissed it. Just a little time to rest before… he lied down for a bit.

“I can't believe we found you…”

He opened his eyes, Lucanis walking through the door. He couldn't help but be relieved to see him, hear his voice again.

Until he saw his face, eyes glittering trying not to shed tears.

He could feel it himself, the urge to cry. He wanted to reach him in any way, to touch him. But he felt unable to move:

“Yeah…” he muttered softly “I'm quite surprised myself…”

“I thought I'd never see you again” his voice trembled as it broke Finn's heart even more

“I know… everything… everything that happened. I don't know how to feel…”

Lucanis kneeled before him, offering his hands to his love, as Finn took them he smiled. He gazed at him, stroking his hands with care:

“I do… I know exactly how to feel…”

Finn could feel devotion in every word, he caressed Lucanis' face. They savoured every moment, gaze, and touch like it was their last because it might be. Because they had given up before they ever met, that they might find someone that would look at them the way they looked at each other.

Gentle, Lucanis placed a kiss on Finn's lips. He looked a little surprised but relieved, he held his face as if he was his whole world. He giggled quietly.

“You lied to me…”

“When?”

“When you said a first kiss tasted like honey… you taste like coffee…”

Lucanis chuckled:

“Lucanis?”

“Finn…”

“Please don't leave…”

“Never”

Finn guided him to an embrace, he kissed him again, giving his lover the time he needed to savour it this time. He didn't have to be nervous anymore, not with him. He should've know, Finn really saw him.

“Please tell me this is really happening, tell me you're here… tell me I'm here…”

“You’re here Finn… you're really here…”

“Promise?”

“I swear…”

—------------------------------------------------------

“You didn't open the bag” said Lucanis putting backs his armour

“Should I?”

“Yes, the contents are for you”

“Well in that case”

Lucanis gave him the backpack and Rooked looked inside.

The cloth was a beautiful deep purple with some lavender tailoring in the back with the shape of wings, like a Crow, or maybe just like Lucanis. It was slick but protective, with plenty of places to store extra daggers, with leather gloves and boots. It came from some good tailors in Antiva, he recognized that familiar smell Zevran talked about so long ago.

The armour was familiar, carved in a beautiful bronze. The chestplate were definitely Griffons, engraved by the Grey Wardens. He recognized the elven engraved as a message “In war, Victory. In peace, vigilance. In death sacrifice” A Grey Warden, and an elf, like Davrin.

They made the gauntlets to look like bracelets, each of them with gorgeous markings. To honor his history, what he had lived, and what they had lost. Mournwatch ideals, like Emmrich and him came to understand together.

The Shadow Dragons gave him a leather corset, tailored in Tevinter’s fashion. With bags so he could store maybe a book but probably some sets of explosives and potions. And a place for the lyrium dagger. They didn't forget him, like he never forgot their suffering and Neve's.

The Lords of Fortune made sure to include jewelry for him, from the treasures he had helped them gain with all those dragon battles. Taash had personally saved some dragon scales for him that they turned into necklaces.

He found two elven relics, he investigated them for a second to discover two magical weapons. A sword and a shield. Shining with a bluish tinge, like Bellara's bow.

And broach, with lyrium engraved on it, a rune. Made in Kal Sharok, in the shape of the Cousland shield. Harding probably gave them the idea long ago, a taste of home.

He couldn't even believe all of this was for him, but it was crystal clear. Everything was tailored specifically for him, he held the items close before Lucanis helped him get ready.

He started as a simple Grey Warden, but maybe he had become something more. With everyone else. And he had to honor the implicit promise he had made to these people, his friends and his allies.

To protect them, as best he could.

And maybe even save the world, or maybe just one person.

Lucanis stood by his side, always, his right eye. And they went to honor the promise.

—------------------------------------------------------

Lyra stood there frozen…

She stared at the mirror…

But couldn't recognize herself anymore.

In the Absence of Everything

I'm very happy to share my first gift fic for my graphics challenge! Thank you @lgvalenzuela (whose commissions are open) for the beautiful art you did for the contest! Here is your angst Post-Tearstone fallout where Davrin and Lucanis try to pick up the pieces. Click here to see it on AO3 Preview under the cut:

Davrin had carved Lace, taking the time to capture the embroidery on her armor best he could. Debated giving it to Taash but hung onto it in his uncertainty. Bellara had been next, and Davrin would kill Elgar’nan for that, personally. Rook, he did again, capturing him in his Warden armor, placing it next to the others.

Lyra’s was the hardest. Every time he started, he couldn’t get it quite right. It had turned into an obsession when he wasn’t around the others. This time, he got almost to the end, eyes burning as he got to her face. His hand cut too deep and he growled, throwing the carving into the fire and going to bed. Assan chirped and climbed onto his chest, weighing him down, trying to urge him to sleep. Davrin smiled and stroked a finger down his beak, humming to calm him.

Something about it worked, and the griffon closed his eyes. Davrin followed him soon after, if only for a little while. 

[gin-juice-tonic]

I've been thinking a lot about gender identity and stuff lately, but to my shame I’m not the most educated person when it comes to lgbt related stuff. Every time I try to search it to learn more I end up freaking out and clearing my browsing history because of the feeling of being watched. I know I’m being unreasonable, but it’s stronger than me. I don’t have anyone to ask about this kind of stuff. Everyone around me is negative about lgbt, I grew up among this negativity. I’m afraid to ask my online friends because I don’t want to seem ignorant or stupid. What have I decided to do? Send an anonymous ask to a stranger about my concerns (sorry about that), whose blog helped me to accept the fact that I might not be who I though I was at the first place. It feels more safe. Back to the point.

As a teen I used she/they pronouns and a different gender-neutral name online for years. I still do it as an adult and now I realise that “she” was more like a compromise for me because it was what I used to be referred as for my whole life, but didn’t feel quite comfortable with. So it’s they/them for me, I guess. Okay. I’ve always preferred to not be related to any gender, but now I see that there’s more to it. I might be a nonbinary, but what if I’m actually an agender? I also consider the possibility of being a genderfluid because one moment I wear a dress and think that it looks good, and the other moment I cry in front of a mirror because of the idea of wearing it. So yeah, it depends on my mood. I don’t know how it works. I’m just so confused. The only thing I know that I’m not comfortable with being referred to as a female anymore. I’ve never really been.

Admittedly, as someone who is binary trans, I do not have a lot of knowledge in this area. I do know what it’s like to not know what you’re “supposed to be” though. And I know it can be frustrating and scary to be lost in trying to figure out your own identity. 

I asked some of my friends, who are nonbinary and genderfluid themselves, and the first thing we all have to say is you should allow yourself more kindness. I am sorry that you grew up around so much negativity. But I want you to know that it’s both okay to feel afraid but also okay to not know everything. If a friend is going to treat you badly for asking questions, they’re not a very good friend. 

One of my friends says the part you said about “making compromises” resonated a lot with them a lot, so you aren’t alone there. As for how you feel in a dress, clothes do not equal gender. You can like how you look in a dress without any of it having to do with girl-ishness. I suggest you try to think about why you like it when you do, and why you don’t when you don’t. My friends also suggested trying other clothes you can express yourself with. Think about why you like them, or why you don’t like them. (Of course, sometimes the answer has nothing to do with gender. I like athletic clothing because they make me look sporty, which is a neutral thing. But it’s good to know what parts aren’t related to gender at all too.) That extends beyond clothes too, any part of your presentation that you think you can play with without getting yourself into danger, you should. 

It’s tempting to feel like you have to scramble to figure out a label. Especially when advice and other people you can talk to can feel sort of “grouped” under them. And there’s a lot of knowledge to be gained that way for sure. But there’s a lot of knowledge to be gained just in figuring out what you do and don’t like. What makes you feel bad, what makes you feel at ease, what makes you super excited. You‘ve got it nailed down that you don’t like being called a female, that’s not a bad start! 

If your friends are people you think are good and kind, I would suggest reaching out to them so that you can explore things a little more with them, considering they know you better than I would. I know it's scary, but there's nothing wrong with not knowing things, and I hope they'd be aware of that too. And even if you call yourself something now and explore more into it, there's no harm if in the future it doesn't fit so good. There's no wrong way to be a gender, and more importantly there's no wrong way to be you.