#sorry i am in a hater mood this morning

[strangedisciple]

also while im complaining. ohhhh my god just because you linked a song in ur x reader fanfic with no readmore does Not mean you need to put the artist in the tags

[adesertintime]

For quite a while, I am overwhelmed. For some reason, I almost immediately find an image in my head that doesn't allow me to understand, but at least describe the situation, and that I now cling to, to have at least a modicum of abstraction going on. That image is that I have been given a severe whack with a frying pan. I can almost remember the corresponding sharp and transient impact sound and its metallic reverberation, and my mind, much like a trapped ulnar nerve, is now enslaved by the trajectory that is dictated by the early part of a damped oscillation.

As often with such things, there is a lot of irony in how it all comes about. Josh and Bede sleep at our empty flatshare after elegant Dan has had too much whisky and weed at Jonas' farewell garden party and is now, after emptying his stomach into André's toilet for a good while, occupying Jonas' couch instead of taking the car back to Edinburgh together with David. In the morning, Bede leaves early for a Fringe show, and so after waking up relatively late, Josh and I sit at our kitchen table, together with Jonas, having some caffè and pains au chocolat before we plan to head off to the sauna. We talk about Dan, I bring up how elegant the man had appeared to me at first, with his physique, his suit, his demeanour, and his watch. Josh mentions how he lost his ex-girlfriend from Italy to Dan, something Josh had emotionally overcome, but something that had happened between them. In my caffeinated mood, I must get my mother's Eric Clapton - Story CD from my room, and we must listen to "Further on up the Road". Soon after, we are sweating together in the Arlington Baths. I am still quite bubbly and chatty and talk a lot, with pretty lateral associations, kind of in that way that I do not permit Jonas to talk in without me hating him for it. Josh is just someone who knows how to make people talk about things that are important to them, someone I want to entrust with my whole life, someone who won't judge, someone who will understand. Josh mentions how something slaps, and I mention how someone had recently chastised my usage of the verb "slap" in that context as a ridiculous example of internet slang that they considered to be of particularly bad style. Josh does not seem as if this would change his vocabulary, but picks up on the thought by asking for more details about the hater, and I continue to mention that they were from Yorkshire, and that I recently dumped them, and hasten to add that I was not proud of it. Whether it was a Gestalt thing or a particular problem, Josh asks, and I chuckle to my German psychologist self and say yeah, it was a Gestalt thing, but something that was very far from being that person's fault, and that I felt sorry about it. Someone else entered the chat I say, and the Yorkshire person had been found on the apps, and now I drop the next brick, finding someone on the apps always left that slight sense of dissatisfaction for me in relationships. Jonas is sitting in the sauna, too, and I try to save the situation by mentioning that I rationally know that this is a stupid way to think about relationships, that I know entirely wholesome relationships coming from the apps, but that I just can't shake off this feeling about them. Another stranger in the sauna, who had, much to our disliking, forced us to listen to the BBC 3 in the gym earlier, chimes in and says that he feels the same as me.

Now we are at roots and fruits for a traditional Saturday brunch after the Arlington. André and Ina are there, too, and report that Dan must have left the house earlier. And Lavinia is there, arriving a bit later. Instead of following my continuously forwarded updates and invitations to tag along for our steamy morning routine, she has brought food to her colleague Dom, who is working his life away in the School of Infection and Immunology. The discussion reaches Josh's private life. He is going to move in with his partner, who is buying a flat, and working, and working out, and running marathons, and the like. I think Lavinia asks how they met, or was it some other similar question. They met on the apps. How her own relationship situation was looking like, Josh asks back. And it is this moment which completely deranges my life for a few days. Lavinia seems surprised by the question, and says, I think she says ambiguous, the situation is ambiguous, or complicated, or something like that, and Josh says oh I see it is ambiguous, ahah, and Lavinia nods, and blushes and smiles, and during all of this I try not to look at her and not react to it, but also a frying pan is being slammed in my face, and I have the worst pokerface of them all, so probably I am not very successful, and Jonas quickly de-escalates the situation and asks for Josh's leftover tomatoes that he didn't finish, and instructs me to have some as well, and somehow I manage to grind out that I am full, and I avoid eye contact with Lavi, who gives me an insecure smile, and soon after we pay and leave, and all I want is to either disappear or be just with Lavi to talk, but we are trapped in this script of a social situation of friends who are going to hang out in the garden on a sunny afternoon, and I wait in front of the café, and lean against a lamp post, while others are getting groceries from roots and fruits, and I try to smile into the sun and look relaxed, and Ina, who has probably heard about what is going on between Lavi and me comes out and says I look cool, in an encouraging and nurturing way, and we head to Huntly Gardens to sit in the sun, and Lavi takes a photo of Jonas and me from behind.

We end up lying in the grass, Lavi has brought a blanket and asks me if I want to lie on it, too, which I do, I lie on the blanket and put on my sunglasses and close my eyes and give in to a strong dizziness. Everyone is reading, but I have no book, instead I entertain myself with the rotating universe in my head. Lavi lies next to me and starts reading a book, what is the book someone asks, and Lavi responds it is a book given to her by Ele, and it is about love and narcissism, and my world rotates faster and wilder, and it might be now that I for the first time think how interesting it all is, I start observing my feelings rather than just feeling them, and I wonder, who is the narcissist, am I a narcissist, IATA, is she a narcissist, what is going on, why did she say that, mmh what you say, mmh what did she say, this smells like the beginning of the end I think, the strength of my reaction seems weird to me from a rational perspective, but it also must mean that the whole thing between Lavi and me is important to me, that is an informative thing to see so clearly, and I am lying there, and Lavi cuddles up to me, and I am getting even more confused, and at the same time I enjoy it and smile, and am overwhelmed, I have to pee, but I don't want to move, so it takes me a good while to pick up on some movement amongst us sunbathers and ask for the keys to go to Jonas' apartment to pee, and as I step back up the stairs from Jonas' apartment, Lavi is waving through the house's windowed front door, we stand in the corridor, and she says she doesn't need a toilet, she just wanted to talk to me, and she asks if I am ok, and that she realised that I am not ok, and I am close to crying when I say that I have no pokerface, Lavi says that's good, I say that she can say whatever she feels about her situation and that my reaction to that is stupid, and she says she didn't know what she was supposed to say, it was just Josh and not Yuxi and Jonas, she barely knows Josh, and I say that I think that the situation is interesting, that I like her, that I like spending time with her, and that my reaction tells me how important the thing between us is to me, and she says she needs time, and there is some heads getting closer to one another, and probably it is me trying to be tender with her, and her just trying to react in a way that is not too rejecting, and we go to the garden, and she says she actually would need a toilet, but she now prefers to not go, and we are again lying on the blanket, and I am only slightly less confused, this was only a tiny fraction of the amount of exchange I needed, and I close my eyes and think about the short conversation, and I get extremely dizzy right away, she needs time, this really feels like the beginning of the end, how do you bounce back from this, and I maybe think about how I would have wanted to talk about it all earlier, how I had wanted to tell her how writing to her on Thursday about ho bisogno di un abraccio felt like a risky move because I was again so needy to see her and the only one trying to initiate contact over the last few days if not two weeks, and she seemed to need so much time for herself and her work, so I felt I was probably ruining it by not just doing my own thing instead, but how at the same time I so much wanted to see her and talk to her, and all of it felt so weird because at the same time it felt so intimate and close and beautiful on Friday night at Rali's and at Lavi's afterwards and in the morning, but then so distant again at Jonas' garden party, and how I started to worry about how I mentioned to people that her mum was running a design gallery in Milan, and how she maybe didn't like me to publicise these private family details, so was that why she didn't want to see me again in the night after Jonas' party, and so on and so forth, I am ruminating and rotating, and breathing and thinking, and wondering about misunderstandings, and not being given anywhere close to enough time with Lavi to just address all of these things rather than freak out over them.

I want a book as well, and getting a book from home could be so quick, couldn't it, a subway home and back, could be just 20 minutes couldn't it, so I go to get Infinite Jest, and I stumble into Stratos, and we chat about his finished MSc dissertation, and his flat situation, and I awkwardly mention how he might move in with us once Galen leaves, and he mentions how I am his supervisor and how this would be somewhat weird, and I don't mind, I admit that this could be weird indeed, and say I got to run now but invite him to come by Jonas' garden later, and he wants to go and eat something now, and I take the subway home and lie on my bed and just want to cry, and can't get up for probably 15 minutes, then I reply to Donata who is inviting me to an aperitivo at hers, I say I'll make it by 7:45, and I go back to Jonas' garden, and I read a few pages, and then Stratos comes, and we chat about this and that, and Lavi is gone, and everybody is leaving, and Jonas goes into his apartment, but Lavi's stuff is still there, and I pack it up and Lavi calls, she is just back at the garden door next to her apartment, so I go there with Stratos and her stuff, we hand it over, and she is there with Dom who has cut his finger and fixed it with a bandaid, and I ask the two Italians what one does for an invitation for an aperitivo as I am not sure what the best thing to bring is, and Lavi says that I should go there, that it sounds great, and I feel angry for her telling me that because I did not ask if I should go, I wanted to know what I should bring, I wanted this to be a way of telling her that I am busy and unavailable tonight, ideally as a response to her asking me if we should do something that evening, but it doesn't turn out that way, and now I ask if wine and some crisps sound good, and Dom and Lavi agree that this would be a good idea, and Stratos and me head back to our bikes and cycle away, me to Waitrose and then home, where I find the Eric Clapton CD still on the kitchen table with its back side facing up, together with the coffee cups, so I take a snapshot of the kitchen table with an f-stop of 2.0 and move the focus on track 7 on the track listing, and I post it on instagram and feel good about it, nobody knows what it means to me in that moment and nobody likes the picture.

I move on to Donata's, where I feel completely numb, but I am happy to see Donata, and I drink a lot, and we mostly talk about superficial stuff, succulent Chinese meals, Italy, Rita who wasn't available, how the Normans invaded Great Britain, the Lord of The Rings, JRR Tolkien, how Donata's workplace in Italy treated her like crap, there is some friend of Donata's and Elias with her dog Patchy who wants to just fetch forever, we go inside in their living room and I am really drunk and feel somewhat fuzzy with Donata and Aonghas, and finally we listen to Eric Clapton's "Further On Up The Road" on Aonghas' glorious sound system.

[calypsoff]

Seventy Two.

I’ve been very busy these past few weeks, I’ve been to Miami and back just dropping off my clothing line for clients and then rushing back because of my wife of course, because she needs me. I have been offered to be stay over but I said no, I rather be here with Robyn for every moment “how is things?” We have had the designer here for a few days now, he’s been designing my daughter room and I’m excited to see because they are just doing a lot of the storage system at the moment, she’s going to be one lucky girl with what’s she’s getting done, a real life princess she will be “good, we have extended the back wall which has given the baby a walk in closet. Robyn wanted her to have closet space and she said it was small so we have done that and if you look here” walking behind him, the bedroom is huge, she is lucky as hell “this part is her play area but look at this walk in closet, you can fill this part with diapers and everything, this is just for utilities, this wall was just put up yesterday which was part of the bathroom. We kept the bathtub in there for baths still but what you think?” Nodding my head “spacious, I know the closet here was small, the one down the hall is bigger but we wanted her close by to us, but I am happy with it. So you still going to put Fenty-Brown here on the wall” walking back out “yeah we are still doing that, integrated the cameras here and monitors for her” nodding my head “Chris can I speak to you, hi” Robyn left the bedroom “I guess that’s me” walking off, I wonder what Robyn wants. It seems a little urgent or something has upset her “I am in the bedroom” clearing my throat making my way to the bedroom, I have pretty much just come back from Miami, so I didn’t see Robyn last night “what’s up?” Closing the door “does my skin look different, look at my face. Can you see the freckles here. Look at my cheeks, here. Can you see it” staring at Robyn “you not even looking and look” she lifted her top up “the line on my stomach” sighing out “it’s fine Robyn, I don’t see an issue. Your skin is fine, you’re panicking too much” she is doing the most and I hate that “but so much is happening to me, people say I am glowing but with what? With moles” shaking my head “glowing with beauty, stop it” I really can’t wait for pregnancy to be over for Robyn because this is a nightmare.

I can’t believe I am here just cooing over baby clothes; I got some clothes online for our daughter that has been shipped in from London and I can’t believe how cute they look, I am so in love with the Burberry dresses “oh is that what came? I was thinking yesterday when packages came, they were big, and I didn’t know it’s this. You been shopping behind my back for her?” Nodding my head “anything for me” looking up at Robyn, just to check that she is joking but she is being deadass “erm, honestly no. Sorry but have you seen this Fendi blanket they gave us for free and the note says here. Congratulations on the bundle of joy and thank you for choosing child’s play clothing. It’s so dope” Robyn seems a little jealous “mhmm fancy dresses here too, so you chose this behind my back” leaning on the kitchen counter “erm, looks like it?” I don’t know what she wants me to say “ok, I mean it’s not like I am not carry her. I am not going through the pain and changes ok” I breathed out “we are going shopping today” Robyn walked off, of course she did and of course she is crying. I mean of course she is, why is she crying over me spending money on our daughter. I swear she said that we needed to start buying clothes, I maybe should have got her something. I don’t know anymore; women are just so sensitive over the littlest things and I am not sure if she’s sad that I chose clothes without her or that I didn’t buy her anything, but I guess I will now have to investigate on what is wrong.

Robyn is actually really crying, I thought it was a joke and she just had a face on with me but she’s crying “what is wrong now? Honest answer too” I sound so annoyed that is because I am annoyed “nothing, leave me alone” I groaned out “is it because I bought clothes without you? Is that it?” Robyn sniffled “it’s like I don’t matter anymore, I just give birth and that’s it, everyone stops caring. Like you didn’t even think about me, what about me. No gift for me at all” this is really a thing; what am I going to do with her “that is because we are going shopping today and I thought I would get you something while out, that is all. I didn’t forget about you I just you know thought why not just buy something for my while out shopping together. You choose and I pay? How does that sound” she is such a brat “did you really think that or you lying to me?” Shaking my head “I’m not, just knew we was going shopping today. Pick what you want, and I will pay, I got you” Robyn smiled, I deserve an award “you think I could be an actor?” I questioned “you’re an ass; I knew you was lying” she pointed at me “well because you are being a brat, this behaviour needs to stop. Our daughter will be the princess so she comes first, she has to come first” Robyn stared at me not impressed “but you are queen but anyways get dressed, we can go soon” Robyn is a pain in my ass, I am not even joking about this shit either. She is doing the most about everything, so sensitive about things.

I stifled out a yawn, I am just catching up on my email from my clothing line which I haven’t done for a while, but I need to find out what the fuck is up with these niggas Deja and them, I am sick of her posting the same picture of Robyn too, she says I am being a hater. Looking over at my phone as it rang out, answering the call because it is Rorrey “what’s up bro?” putting it on speakerphone “is Robyn around or close?” he asked, let me take this off speakerphone because it seems top secret. Placing the phone against my ear “no she isn’t, everything ok?” I questioned “just wanted to get on you on board so we are planning to do a surprise baby shower for my sister, a little something at the home. We need you to get her out of the house, we just want it small and just close friends and family, but she needs a little something. I spoke to her and she was being so negative, I said you not throwing a party, she said no so I think we will do it” sounds about right with Robyn “yeah, Rorrey. Trust me on this, it ain’t you. She has been like this, these moods are driving me crazy, but I can do that, you want me to take her away for a day or something? I don’t even know if I can deal with her now taking her away” Rorrey snorted laughing “maybe a day trip? Like early morning thing, If you can do that then it will be ok, we can sort the home out” that will be ok “she will be emotional, she is missing Monica a lot but then when I say you want your mom to come she says no” this is good idea, I should have come up with this shit.

We left the builders at the home and went to do some needed shopping with Rich, he’s coming along with us but honestly I am not looking forward to it. Just the simple fact Robyn has been just driving me crazy “do you love me” Robyn asked a simple question, but I can’t help but give a sarcastic answer “when you’re not pregnant, you are amazing. I will never complain about you, you’re the dream then” trying not to laugh but I can’t help it, I know Robyn is just staring at me because she’s so quiet. Looking over at her “yes twin?” Robyn poked her lips out “I am joking, so tell me baby what you want? Anything you want I will buy” I mean I may regret that “I would like to go Hermes, I want a new bag” nodding my head “cool, we will go there for you. I don’t mind, I told you I came out here to spoil you” I am saying that, but I didn’t think Robyn would have been sad that I am buying my daughter things “good luck with that bro, I seen these women bag shop and they are vultures” I can only imagine what they are like.

Rodeo drive is wild, like these stores are just for the rich. Locking my car door as I made my way to Robyn “twin” she is side eying me; she is still stuck on what I said earlier, holding onto her hand “Pop, that is what I am calling you now” here she goes “pop huh? You a brat, we need to speak on this brat behaviour though, you can’t be acting like I have to buy you things as well as our daughter, sometimes princess will get more things because she isn’t being a brat” Robyn poked her lips out “mhmm whatever silly butt, you will spoil me too. Remember who is pushing this baby out” walking to the Hermes store with Robyn “Miss Fenty” oh this guy knows her already “I am back to spend my husband money” Robyn said, she made it clear that she is spending money “well we have just had a new bag just come in” Robyn let my hand go, she is gone now “sit down Chris, I will be back” nodding my head slowly regretting this “she means it about sitting down, these women be taking their time with their bag picking, just you relax” Rich knows “there is a reason why I don’t really come shopping with Robyn, I be trying to avoid this” I sighed out.

I found a few nice pieces of clothing from this store but Robyn on the other hand, I have lost her in this store. She is somewhere “how are you enjoying Robyn, is she fun?” I chuckled “erm, I am not enjoying the pregnancy part, she is so dramatic” seeing Robyn walking with her hand on her bump and two assistants and their hands look full “erm just pay” she pointed, nodding my head looking between Robyn and then two assistants “that’s it, I just go and pay huh?” she nodded her head, I mean what has she even bought, you know I got two shirts out of everything?” I pointed out “and, get up” I sighed out as I got up, let me go and pay “is it expensive?” I asked the assistant and she put her head down “Chris, just go. Men” I am scared, I am very fearful for this because I feel like Robyn has been sneaky and just bought a lot of shit and made it so expensive “sir” the cashier said “hey, how much is what Rihanna bought?” he smiled at “that is seventy one thousand, two hundred sixty two dollars” my mouth fell open “excuse me? What she buy!?” I spat, I mean I shouldn’t ask but what the fuck, I mean what the fuck “seriously?” I had to ask again “yes sir” he is being polite, looking back at Robyn, she just smirked at me.

While Robyn was in the Gucci store I went and got myself a Burberry shirt, I thought I need to do the baby shower in style and be like every nigga, the Burberry shirt special “oh you back” smiling at Robyn “I like this, is it unisex?” touching the cardigan “yes it is” nodding my head “I like that” pressing a kiss to the back of Robyn’ head “please show him the coat, this is for when we go abroad and it’s cold, oh my god. Just look!” Robyn gushed as the assistant the coat Gucci coat “she will look French, like a little French baby” Robyn giggled “I am in love, I have bought her the cutest things Chris. I can’t wait for her to be here already, but we are hungry now” nodding my head “well let’s pay and then we can eat, if you can box this up” we have been shopping lots, so I don’t blame her, I think our daughter has a lot now and I think we need to stop “of course” the assistant started boxing the coat back up “so you get what you needed?” looking at the bag “yeah I did thanks, I was just wanting this shirt, that is all” I can’t wait for Robyn and this surprise for her, she deserves it but do I need to invite my family, I am sure I need too.

It irritates me, maybe it’s just me getting annoyed easily but it irritates me that people don’t know how to give us privacy, I see it. I see people trying to be lowkey by taking pictures of us and I can’t keep on saying it to people because it’s not like they are paparazzi, but it is annoying “you feeling better now? After eating” she seems content “very, you seem annoyed. Was it me?” shaking my head “you have people just there taking pictures, it can be annoying you know. I like us to have our privacy that is al, but how are you feeling?” she poked her lips out “fat, but Chris. Don’t pay the people around you any mind. I am used to it, we can’t battle them all, but I am glad we came shopping. I needed some retail therapy and have my man pay” she smirking but I am not over what that price was “oh yeah, what the fuck did you buy? I have never paid for something that expensive in my life, what the hell. Just wanted to make sure I spent more on your then my daughter huh” I know her “next time you buy things for me and her” I think I will have to be careful, Robyn is wanting to be the main princess.

[purplesurveys]

1278

Social Media Survey

[joybucket]

What is your favorite social media site?  Either Twitter or YouTube, though I never use YouTube as a social media site per se so I guess this round goes to Twitter.

Do you use...

facebook? myspace? twitter? snapchat? instagram? youtube? pinterest? bzoink? another site with message boards? tumblr? deviantart? xanga?

Facebook

Do you get on Facebook every day?  Yeah pretty much all throughout the day. I used to never use it, like never ever; but back in college all announcements were coursed through Facebook so I was technically required to be on it regularly, and it was from there that I began to see memes and start to be more active. I’m a shitposter more than anything though and I rarely ever post stuff of my own. How many FB friends do you have?  I have 679 at the moment but I want to get rid of like 500 of them; it’s just such a long list to go through so I never get to proceed with my unfriending spree lol.

Have you ever been on a deleting spree?  HAHA I just mentioned that. I’ve always wanted to, but like I said 679 is already such an exhaustive list for me, and that’s considering I only started touching my Facebook in like 2019. I can’t imagine people who started Facebook in like 2009 and have 4000 friends aka most people I know.

Have you blocked a lot of haters?  I don’t have haters; at least I’m not aware of any that I have. Not that it’s something I care about at this point.

Do you get bullied online a lot?  No, but that’s also because I don’t really open the channels for people to send in hate. I don’t have Q&A handles like Curious Cat and I never pick out that option in Instagram where people can send in questions.

What's your favorite Facebook app?  Oh I never use Facebook for their apps. Are those still even a thing...? Anyway, I mainly go there to be on the hunt for stupid memes I can reshare or to watch videos that are either funny or informative.

Are you a fan of selfies?  I don’t mind if other people do it, but I think I’m honestly bad at selfies so I almost never take them. I’ve never figured out my angles or what filters look ok on me.

Has anyone ever called the police on you because they didn't like your status?  No but I have had my posts reported because they were deemed ‘offensive.’ Which is weird because my posts that have been taken down are those that speak out against disgusting men, which says a lot about Facebook runs their shit more than anything else.

Are you in any facebook groups?  I’m in nearly a hundred groups, both private i.e. for school purposes, and public.

Are you the admin of any groups?  Nah. Too much time and effort needed out of me.

Do you report abuse to group admins whenever you see it?  Yes. I report the post then leave the group.

What could make Facebook better?  They could put more effort into detecting and banning troll farms.

What year did you start using Facebook?  I made an account in 2012 because of a high school class that required us to upload this specific video-format homework onto Facebook (which in hindsight is such an insensitive homework considering that was nearly a decade ago when the Philippines was still severely behind in internet connection speeds?? Ugh). But I didn’t start actively using my account until around two years ago.

What is your current profile picture of?  Myself, posing in front of the sunflowers in school during the recent graduation season.

Did you like the old Myspace better than Facebook?  I was never a regular user of Myspace, so...

Pinterest

What are some of your favorite boards?  I’ve never had a clue what the purpose of Pinterest was. I mean I have an account...but I’ve also never gotten the hang of it?? so I never touch it hahaha.

Have you ever done a craft you saw on Pinterest?  Well no, because I’m terrible at arts and crafts anyway.

Do you have a Dream Wedding board? If so, what's on it?  No.

If you have a Dream House board, what does your dream house look like?  Ok fine this one I did start hahahah but I don’t even remember what I added on there anymore. I’m sure it was filled with modern-style houses with minimalist interior design.

Do you wish they'd bring the "like" button back?  I’m not even aware of this option.

Do you have a Bucket List board?  Not aware of this either.

Which do you like better: Just Girly Things or And That's Who I Am? The second one sounds less childish. < Same, and it sounds like it covers more.

Do you have a board for tattoos you like? If so, what are some of your faves?  No. The only one I ever made was the house one, then Pinterest quickly became boring from there when I realized there wasn’t much else I could do besides making mood boards.

Do you have a "Random" or "Miscellaneous" board?  No.

Have you ever reached the maximum number of boards?  No.

Do you have any secret boards?  No.

Have you ever had a Pin deleted because of copyright laws?  No.

Do you have a Color board? No.

Do you have an About Me board? If so, what's on it? No.

YouTube

Do you have a YouTube channel? If so, what is it?  Technically I do but I only have it so I can tailor video suggestions to my interests and so that I can like videos and subscribe to channels I like.

What kind of things do you post on YouTube?  I’ve never posted any video on there, not even private ones. I’m also not the type to comment.

What do you like to watch on YouTube?  These days YouTube serves as a stress reliever for me, which is to say I would typically go for humorous BTS-related compilations because there are sooooo many hilarious channels that make these great videos haha. Occasionally I’d go back to channels or series that I used to frequent, like Good Mythical Morning, Buzzfeed’s Worth It and Unsolved, Try Guys, Watcher, etc. 

Are you subscribed to any channels?  To so many.

Do you watch any vlogs? If so, what ones are your favorite?  Hm probably Jiwoo’s, though her channel is called Mejiwoo. I find her content calming and conversational and basically fun to binge-watch when I’m not looking for anything super super particular to watch.

If you have a channel, how many subscribers do you have?  0. I’m just a lurker.

Will you subscribe to my channel? (msg me if you want a link!)  Only if it’s really fit to my interests, I guess.

Do you watch music videos?  Rarely; not a fan of MVs in particular. I only really ever put an exception for BTS.

Have you ever watched a TV show on youtube?  Well no since their copyright team works hard and works fast lol. I do watch entire video game walkthroughs from time to time.

Have you ever worked out to exercise videos on youtube?  No, I can’t care less about working out tbh.

Have you watched Amanda Todd's famous video?  No. I’m scared that it might be too upsetting or triggering for me.

Have you ever looked up how to do something on YouTube?  Not really, I prefer looking up articles that can teach me step by step in words.

Do you get a lot of hate comments on youtube?  No, I’ve never posted anything on there.

How long have you been a youtuber?  Never been.

Instagram

Do you post on Instagram a lot?  I do 1-3 Instagram stories in a week, I would say. As for posts, I only have 4 in total and I don’t really feel the pressure to add more. I just post when I feel the want to.

Have you ever posted a poll on instagram?  Nah, I’m not too sure if anyone would participate so I’ve never tried. If you don't have an iPhone, do you wish you could use Instagram?  I’m pretty sure other operating systems can also use Instagram...

Do you have any followers?  Around 50, I think.

Do you like Instagram filters? I’ll use them sometimes to make my stories appear prettier.

Twitter

Do you think twitter is stupid? Hehe show me at least one person who doesn’t think so. < Coming from someone who regularly uses Twitter, agree. It is crazy stupid but stupid is what I’m there for. Which is honestly not always such a bad thing to me - I like that people are more themselves, more stripped-down, vulnerable on Twitter. People always seem to want to show off their best selves on Facebook and Instagram, so I’m actually kind of grateful that there is at least one social media out there where people can just be their clumsy, goofy selves.

How often do you tweet?  Probably a maximum of five a day. Nowadays I’m on there mostly to just scroll through my timelines.

Do you get on twitter every day?  Yes, both on my personal and fan account.

Bzoink

Do you make a lot of surveys?  I never make them but I try to take them as often as I can.

Do you take a lot of surveys?  Haha sorry, was one step ahead of you. Yeah, I do.

Do you post in the message boards?  Nah. I dunno if I’m even permitted to check the message boards on Bzoink considering I don’t have an account.

What types of surveys are your favorite?  Categorized surveys like this one or countdown ones can be fun, but at the end of the day I like sticking to the classic random survey.

Do you have friends on here?  Not on Bzoink, but here on Tumblr yes! There’s a number of people here I like keeping up with :)

Do you post all your secrets on here?  Again, not on Bzoink; but yep I share pretty much everything here.

What type of survey do you think I should make next?  Anything but basic/about me-themed ones that will ask for my name and eye color and weight.

Do you read peoples' answers to your surveys?  I’ve never made a survey.

Do you think you are good at making surveys? 

Do you try to make unique surveys?

What type of surveys do you want to see more of?

Random

This or That

Scattergories

Have You Ever

Are you like me?

About You

Personal, Deep Questions

Girly

Music shuffle

Would You Rather

Do you have this in your bedroom?

Long

Short

All About Your Crush

Fashion

Make-up

School

Music

Your health

Your friends

Confessions

Girl Confessions - how different is this from just confessions? Hahaha

R-Rated

Controversial topics

Myspace

Did you have a myspace when you were in high school?  I started an account in like 4th grade when Myspace was ~big, but I didn’t find it fun and everyone my age was on Friendster anyway, so I was largely inactive.

Do you use myspace now?  No. Is it still even around? I have no clue.

Do you miss bulletins? I didn’t get to join in on the fun so there’s nothing to miss.

Did you like customizing your profile with the old myspace?  Not attributed to Myspace but I did have a lot of fun customizing my Multiply and Tumblr accounts back in the day. That was a period where I really got to learn and play around with HTML :)

Did you have music on your profile?  Not on Myspace again but I did on Multiply! I had a cute little playlist that played the songs immediately as soon as you landed on my page hahaha.

Did you learn HTML when you used Myspace?  Tumblr, yeah. I believe the skills are still there but I’ll definitely be a bit rusty.

Did you have a customized cursor?  Oh, no. Wasn’t a fan of those as I found them a bit tacky.

Did you use glitter graphics?  Also found those tacky haha no, I never used those.

Do you remember posting glitter graphics on friends' pages?  Nope.

Did you make "dolls"?  I don’t recall ever making those.

Did you use photo captions?  Not sure what this is referring to so let’s just say no.

Did you have a photo slideshow on your profile?  Hmmm nope, I don’t think so.

Xanga

Did you have a Xanga account back in the day?  No. It wasn’t big here so I had never heard of it until I started taking surveys on here and heard people mentioning Xanga, actually.

Do you have a xanga account now?  No.

Did you post photos and quotes on your xanga page?  I never had any.

Snapchat

Do you use snapchat?  I did; I was superrrrr active on there for a time. It kind of just got old at one point, though, and my feed got more and more dead until I too just left my account dormant altogether.

What is your favorite filter?  There were a lot of cute ones on there that helped me be more confident with taking selfies but my favorites have to be the dog and flower crown ones.

Tumblr

Do you understand Tumblr?  I had a better handle of it when I ran a fan account that required me to be more active; but now that I really just go on here to take surveys I just use the basic functions and nothing more. But yeah, I understand just enough to get by.

Do you use Tumblr?  Yeah. Even on the days I don’t post surveys, I regularly go on here to keep up with friends I like keeping up with like Elisabeth, Lane, Steph, Lina, Julie :)

Other

What forum sites did you use to love that aren't around anymore?  There was one message board I frequented for this girly/tween magazine I used to collect, but I won’t share the name.

Are there any other great social media sites that you recommend?  I think this survey was able to cover all the main ones I use.

Do you use a photo editing site? If so, what?  I use apps instead of sites to edit my photos.

Do you ever use BeFunky.com?  Nope.

Do you use a video editing site? If so, what?  Nah, I rarely have to edit videos in a super intricate, detailed way. Apple’s video editing features suffice for me.

Have you ever downloaded fonts?  Very occasionally since it’s never necessary.

Have you ever used photobucket to upload an image?  No but I remember going on there back in the day to look for images. I never uploaded any, though.

Do you use iTunes?  Not anymore. I have an account on Spotify now.

Do you listen to music on Pandora?  No, never used it.

[absoluteyoongit]

Just Dance pt. 1

⇢ pairing: bestfriend!Hoseok x dancer!Reader, more pairings to come

⇢ genre: fluff

⇢ word count: 1.7K

⇢ warnings: just some swearing

⇢ series summary: Jung Hoseok, your best friend since childhood, is one of the best parts of your life. You have always supported him with everything, including his band BTS. Hoseok always kept you a secret from the rest of the group, but now he’s ready to introduce you to everyone. Who knew your presence would improve the members lives, one more than others.

⇢ author’s note: Hey guys! This is the first part of a series I'm concocting. Not much happens in this chapter, it’s just setting the scene, but I hope you all like it. I hopefully will post a new update once a week. So stay tuned!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

You have always been the type of person to let one thing after another pile up and completely ruin your day. Today was just one of those fucking days that wouldn’t let you catch a break.

You looked up just to see heavy dark clouds fill the sky. You frown as the first couple drops hit your forehead, your mood instantly plummeting further down the drain.

“Why does it have to rain right now,” you mumbled aloud as you continued trudging home from work.

The tapping of rain on your head was the last thing you needed right now. The steady tempo lulled you into a stupor and all you could think about was how horrible your day was as you mindlessly walked home.

Your alarm had not woken you up this morning like it usually did, making you rush out of the house without breakfast so you could make it to class. The professor didn’t appreciate your sweaty asthma induced labor walking in 15 minutes late for class. Your sheepish smile hid the actual heat death of the only dignity you had left.

At work, a woman complained three times in a row that her coffee was made incorrectly and you had to remake that very coffee three times in a row. By the third time you remade her drink you could had killed that Karen with the glare that hid behind the sickly sweet smile on your face. That was when your boss told you to go home, no longer able to put up with your attitude.

You huffed remembering how the woman’s nose turned up every time she practically threw her coffee back at you. It wasn’t like you didn’t know what you were doing. You have been working at the same damn coffee shop for three years now and not one person complained about your coffee before.

Now it rained even harder, the cold seeping into your bones. The fuzzy coat you wore today did nothing but capture more rain and your feet squished inside of your sneakers. You were soaked and bitter.

All you wanted right now was to warm up and cheer up. You made it your mission to always have some happiness during the day even if the majority of it sucked. Coming to a stop at an intersection you finally raised your head up seeing the road that would lead you home and the road that would lead you to the dance studio you volunteered part-time at.

You knew that no classes were being held right now and your manager, Joowon, would be just handling desk work. You could have the whole studio to yourself to dance freely.

With new determination you spun on your heels and headed toward the studio. The heaviness of your shoulders immediately lessened. You had a pretty average but busy life, but you would always find time for dancing. It always put you in a good mood.  

By the time you reached the dance studio your face was beaming. Pulling the front door open blasted you with the warmth you knew you would find.

Sliding your feet across the mat at the door you removed the matted fuzzy coat you were wearing. With the jacket gone you felt ten pounds lighter but even with the main culprit gone you were still completely drenched. 

“Joowon-oppa! Where are you! I am in desperate need of a hug.”

“I am in the office! Where else would I be?”

A sly smile crept onto your face as you tiptoed over to your friend, trying to keep the squeaks of your shoes down to a minimum. You knew that the studio was pretty soundproof and Joowon probably has not noticed the heavy amounts of rain falling from the sky.

Opening the office door with a small creek, you saw the back of Joowon. He was a few yes older than you, not that it would matter, but he wasn’t the type to care for honorifics. He was one of your only friends, the older brother type who I could always count on if I needed help, and you were so grateful for him.

Joowon’s shoulders looked tense and his hair was disheveled, like he had ran a mile through his hair. The air around him suggested that he was also not having the greatest day, which made you sad.

Maybe a nice hug would brighten his day.

“Joowon!” You yelled, throwing your arms around his shoulders.

The combination of your damp skin and clothes, along with your sudden outcry had Joowon jump in his seat. 

“Yah! Y/n. Don’t do that,” Joowon huffed, grasping his chest, looking at you with wide eyes.

You shrugged, tucking some wet hair behind your ear, “You knew I was here. Should’ve expected that from me honestly.”

Joowon gave an annoyed look, “You could have scared me and not gotten me wet,” he gestured to his now slightly damp back.

Shrugging again, you went around and plopped down in the chair across from him. “I’m sorry. You looked kinda stressed so I wanted to loosen you up a bit. Did it work?”

You stared at him expectedly wanting an answer to his dejected look.

Joowon sighed looking back down, “I am just working out some money stuff. Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing too bad yet.”

He raised his gaze back to yours as you raised your eyebrows in worry and disbelief. 

“I promise if something was really wrong I would let you know,” he let out with a small chuckle.

You nodded in acceptance. This place was like a second home to you and Joowon knew it. He would let you know if he was in jeopardy. Standing up, you headed towards the door. 

“Okay. I am gonna head to studio one,” glancing back at your friend, “Please let me know though if I can do anything to help.”

“I will.”

--------

You stared at your reflection in the wall to wall mirror of the studio. You wore one of the backup outfits you had stashed in the office for situations like this. It was just a plain black sports bra with blood red biker shorts. While it was one of the simpler looks you usually wore, it was one of the ones that made you feel the most powerful.

Turning to the phone in your hand you scrolled through songs you were planning on creating choreography for to post on your YouTube channel. That was you. y/n: part-time barista, part-time student, part-time dance instructor, part-time youtuber.

You only made dance videos. It wasn’t much deeper than that, even though some fans comment on how they would love if you vlogged or had sit downs with them. You just wanted a space to share your love of dancing.

Nothing was catching your eye as you scrolled through the music. “What am I feeling? What am I feeling, huh?” you mumbled before your eyes landed on a certain song. A small smile graced your face. Content with your decision, you set it to repeat and played the song.

The sound of gunshot echoing in the room got you riled up as UGH! by BTS started playing over the speakers.

Relaxing, you let your body move to the music, feeling it out. Your process to create choreography was to do what felt right with the music and refining it from there.

You loved BTS. Not just because they were talented and made great music but because your best friend since childhood, Jung Hoseok, was one of the members.

As the song ended for the tenth time, you felt like you made enough progress for the day. You were sure that you would have a fully-fledged out dance by the end of the week.

As you packed up, your mind wandered to Hoseok. You missed him so much. He was your only friend growing up and dancing was something you both shared.

All the days and nights practicing, the breakdowns when either of you thought you were not good enough, all the times Hoseok cried to you when his father would belittle him. Those memories and experiences forged an unbreakable bond that is still strong, even with him traveling the world.

You were always his number one supported and he never forgot that.

When BTS first debuted, he had called you first, basically screaming at you over the phone in excitement. You obviously matched his excitement tenfold, jumping and yelling with him. That was one of your happiest memories.

You have been with Hoseok every step of the way; comforting him when haters said he was ugly and untalented, facetiming each other to create choreography for their songs and even helping him write lyrics.

You were his secret weapon. Literally a secret because he hasn’t told the other boys about you. He wanted you to be his best friend. He didn’t want to share and he knew he would have to if the others knew about you. You were just that special to him. A piece of home.

You didn’t mind keeping your existence a secret, knowing how much it meant to him. You just wanted to have a happy and supported Hoseok, no matter what you had to do. Even if that meant pretending to be his mother when another member would interrupt your call, or hiding from view when Jimin would make an appearance during one of your studio facetimes sessions.

It was all worth it. Even if it meant seeing him in person less when he was home or losing sleep to talk to him when there was a large time difference. You would do anything to not lose him. He was one of the best things in your life.

Hoseok supported and loved you as much as you loved him. He would express it as often and in as many ways as he could. Sometimes he would mobile order your favorite coffee when he was on the other side of the world.

You finished packing and started your trek back home. Thankfully it had stopped raining but that didn’t stop you from splashing in puddles on the way.  You smiled at the thought of Hoseok; It had been a week since you last talked to him and to you that was unacceptable.

You’ll have to call him when you get home and ask how he’s doing.

[wintersxsoul]

You Saw Me (1)

Summary: You have the life you’d always dreamt of. The job of your dreams, the perfect boyfriend and the best group of friends. But what happens when that life is not enough and your soulmate is not who you thought it would be?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff

A/N: My lovely @all1e23 is the beta for this series so give her some love because she has to put up with my infinite bullshit because my brain was fried. A reblog and comment are always appreciated and what feeds my soul to keep writing. I hope you enjoy this as much as I am. 

You yawned tiredly while getting out of bed way too early for someone to be awake. You looked one last time to your bed smiling adoringly at the sleeping form of your boyfriend.

You hated Mondays with all your heart and soul, but your work was worth the tiredness and Sunday nights with Jake were even more. Usually you stayed at his apartment but after last night’s date, you decided to crash at yours. After getting dressed and applying makeup, you headed to the kitchen to prepare coffee and get ready for your classes. You took a sip of your hot coffee and sighed, opening your laptop to write down a few lines you had to change on your slideshow for today’s lecture. Being a History teacher in the NYU was great but tiring, it took a lot of energy from you but it was what you loved doing, or at least that’s what you thought.

You glanced at your phone when a message popped up, your college best friend and now coworker, Natasha, was asking for you to pick her up since it was your turn this month. You took turns every month to distribute the cost of gasoline and just like that, seven years had passed. You texted a short reply and started to gather your stuff to leave but before that, you wrote a little note and left it on the counter, pressing your lips to the paper to leave a kiss print.

Nat got in the car clicking her tongue, her paper cup of coffee on one hand and her death glance on point. You never understood why she chose to do the morning lectures when she clearly wasn’t a morning person, but you knew it was something you couldn’t ask, not when she was in such a mood. You started the engine and turned on the radio, picking out the list of songs that you knew Nat would totally adore right now.

Right before she could even finish her coffee, she was already complaining about some students that were pressuring her to change the date of an exam because apparently some band was doing a concert on the campus.

“These kids really are a pain in the ass. Thank the stars we weren’t like that.” She added with a roll of her green eyes. You parked the car and looked at her amused, because she was actually one of those students.

“Uhm I think you forgot your college years already, Nat. Lemme remind you that day you sent an email to Mrs...What was her name? That Literature teacher we had…” You touched your chin, a smirk on your lips when Nat realized what you meant.

“Okay, that was one time.” She sighed heavily and you knew the comment that was coming. “And at least we all enjoyed college, not like you and Mr.Perfect.”

“Listen, Tasha, I’ve been hearing the same bullshit for almost seven years.” You pinched the bridge of your nose and you knew you were going to regret the words that were going to leave your mouth. “All those classes we skipped, all those parties we missed...we weren’t studying.”

Nat’s eyebrows shot up in awe, staring at your blushed face, wide eyed. She was about to open her mouth when you cut her off pointing at her warningly, a smirk dancing on your lips.

“I gotta bounce, but this conversation is not over, I wanna know more about all the lies you’ve been telling.” She turned around and left to her office, laughing and muttering something about your friendship being built on lies. You shook your head and went to your own office, already dreading the day that was ahead of you.

After your last lecture about Espionage and The Making of The Modern World, you went to your office to review the essays on the Cold War Era. You slumped on the chair and noticed the huge bouquet of red tulips on top of your desk. You smiled and reached for the little note that sat next to the flowers.

For the love of my life, in hopes that this will bring a little joy in your cloudy day.

With love, J xxx

You clutched the little note tight to your chest and smiled even wider, taking out your journal and sticking the paper to a page, scribbling the date when he sent them.

The cute barista from the coffee shop you always went to was staring at you from across the room, even though the library was full of students. You blushed and looked back to your book but unable to focus on your reading. After a few minutes, you felt someone behind you and you smiled knowingly, but still kept your eyes on the book in front of you. He sat down in the chair next to yours and cleared his throat.

“Hey, sorry to disturb you, but I…” You took off your reading glasses and looked at him, a smirk on your lips.

“You were wondering if you could ask for my number?” He blushed and looked at the table, nodding timidly. You giggled and wrote your number in a piece of paper, sliding it so he could take it.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you for it since the first time I saw you in the coffee shop.” He whispered, trying not to disturb the other students. You blushed and smiled at him, your confidence suddenly increasing because you’d noticed him that same day as well.

“That’s funny, because I’ve wanted yours since that day as well.”

You learned that his name was Jake and he was studying Mathematics, and that same day, he asked you on a date. Every date you had, he brought a tulip and after asking him why and never getting an answer, you checked online. Tulips meant a declaration of love and your heart melted.

A knock at your door brought you back to the present day, but the smile never left your lips. Natasha closed the door behind her and sighed heavily while throwing herself at the couch you had on your office.

“You have a secret admirer now?” She asked nodding at the flowers. You shook your head and blushed like a teenager.

“It was Jake, he knows how much of a Monday hater I am.” She huffed, she really was against all kinds of romantic gestures.

“Don’t be a rude bitch. What’s up?” You sat on the backrest of the couch looking at her, frowning.

“Nothing, just came to ask if you wanted to come to the bar to have a beer with the boys.”

“Oh, Nat you know I’m a hoe for beers. Count me in.” You stood up and grabbed your stuff, sending a text to Jake to tell him you were going to the bar and that you loved the flowers, wishing him a good day.

“I’m ready to go, so move that cute ass of yours and let’s go.”

[polygamyff]

47. Part 2

Watching Adam fuss over Maurice, it’s nice to see this. I know in the morning I was very mean to him, I feel bad about it because I just didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to come because I wanted the weekend to myself, I have Reign not sleeping and she is awake in the nights, I wanted to clean the home up a little also so I was not happy, I was pretty much angry about it but I feel bad now. I am such a bitch about it, but to see everything that happens, I am happy I came. I get to see Maurice in action, and I am just a bitch I guess. Maurice spoils me so much and he just needed some support, but I am here for him. I am not sure how to feel about the whole people loving us, I don’t want people too close to my family but it just seems like Maurice is making such a name for himself that people want to know but then again Maurice has made a name for himself before I came but I guess people have seen him change, I did that and I am proud of it but it was surely not fun. There is a few bumps to go yet but it’s not all that bad. I am super proud of him, he has really changed himself and his attitude and he is so happy and I do see it, I mean ok I have my mood swings but he takes it well, he knows to leave me alone but I am so proud of him, like he does not understand how much I love him, how much I adore the way he is. I was scared to come here, it was one of those moments thinking has he really changed but he needed me close, this distance thing was not working. He needed me and I didn’t see it, I just was wanting to be blind to the situation because I mean I don’t want to be in New York but I have been happy with him, I would like to hope we one day get to move, well I would like to go back to California, I miss it there “look at you staring at Maurice in awe” my mom said, she has been poking fun at me all day “mhmm sometimes” I smiled sitting back in the seat “it’s just interesting to see, I’ve picked up on things I didn’t know before. He has OCD, and I didn’t pick up on that because his hotel cleaners came, I didn’t really live with him like that, so I am just getting to know the real Maurice, it’s not all that bad. He knows to run away when he’s annoyed me so there is that” my mom laughed “I am happy, you have both found your feet. Time for mommy to go back now Robbie” pulling a face “but mom you always there for me with Reign, what about when I need to rant?” I don’t want my mom to go “then you call me Robbie, Maurice is so good with Reign, I am really not needed at all. Stop holding onto me, I am fine” I don’t want my mom to go back “what do you think? Nice ain’t it?” looking over at Maurice “it looks like every other suit” I grinned saying “wow, I sense the hate. It’s different, the feel of it, the look of it. You’re just a hater” Adam really fusses over Maurice behind him “Robyn, up next” Adam said to me.

I have never dressed in front of a random man in my life “you have seen me naked now” I said to Adam “there is always a first time, it’s the norm for me Robyn. And I will say this, you have the sexiest body ever, like I am in love with it. For a gay guy, I would” I laughed out so loudly “stop!” I spat “that nipple piercing, I know Maurice has a good time. No wonder he is like this” I swear to god he needs to stop “stop it” taking in a deep breath and breathing out “like I was saying, this is a first for me. I mean ok Maurice I slept with the first time but that is different but I have not got naked in front of a random man, not like this anyways. I at least know them for an hour at least anyways” Adam laughed shaking his head “and we will get more of this, trust me. This is not the first time I have had to dress people on the jet” that makes me curious “what about his ex-wife?” I had to ask “oh that is a good question and I can say honestly. No, I have never dressed her. Nor have I dressed any female Maurice has been with, you are the first I have had to fuss over. Now he is wanting me to dress Reign but, no. He is really into you, I am blaming that nipple piercing” I laughed at Adam while hitting his shoulder “go away, leave it alone” turning around to look at the mirror “you think it’s too much? Do I look like a whore? I am not a whore right?” I am doubting “you are making a damn statement, you go girl. Right from the ball gown too, stop it. You have the body for it, flaunt it!” Adam spat, staring at myself “I don’t look big in this do I? You know cameras will add on pounds?” I am worried now “girl, please be quiet. You have such a nice body” I am wearing a sleek black dress, with a plunging top half to show a small glimpse of my boobs but not too much, sleeveless arms but the dress is figure hugging “if you say so, Adam. If this makes me look terrible, I am going to murder you” I really will, I feel I have gained. My nails weren’t done so I had to them done last night, last minute.

I have my Rolex on, I have my hair in a tall ponytail and my black print handbag with my open toed heels, I think I am ready now “you should get a makeup artist to come along with you” Adam suggested, popping my lips in the mirror “I am ok, I think I do my things ok. What you think?” turning to him “perfect, come on now. Let’s take a picture, and also what you think? This is something Maurice has installed in the back so he can get changed, it’s cute” Adam got up from the pull out seat “it is, he is a clever man. When he wants to be” Adam snatched my phone from me “stood there all reluctant, what for? You are going to steal the show, Maurice and you are going to look so good together” Adam aimed my phone at me “give us a smile, come on” Adam said, looking down at myself before looking up at Adam and smiled “stop” I laughed shaking my head “stop, I have just started. Look at her body, I mean who wouldn’t?” what on earth is he doing, he put my phone down and started typing “wait! What are you doing?” walking over to him “just wait!” he moved back away from me “it’s not bad, please” I am concerned right now, he could be typing anything “I put, My girl Robyn ready for the opening of the new Hilton-Davenport hotel, styled by yours truly Adam and now” he said “that is sent” he passed me my phone finally “erm, I didn’t see!?” I spat, is he crazy, refreshing my page to see the post “oh god, look at my fat face just smiling. Come on” Adam scoffed “you are such a liar, get out now” Adam opened the door “y’all took ages!” Maurice complained, I wasn’t even ready to leave yet. I sighed out heavily making my way out of the room “well it takes time, wanted to make sure Robyn’ boobs stayed in place, I also had a little stare at them” Adam is funny “I am done, and I heard Reign is awake. She was giggling” Maurice’ face softened “oh wow, oh wow. Robyn” Maurice got up from his seat nearly dropping Reign “calm down” I said trying to catch my daughter “holy shit, Robyn. Wow” taking Reign from Maurice “look at this, oh my god. You look so beautiful” I blushed “I told you, no need to think anything else” moving my head away form Reign, she is trying to touch my face.

Maurice annoys my daughter too much “I preferred you bald” Maurice said to Reign, she was about to grab his face, but he moved back “ha! You can’t catch me stink” Reign whined out “stop it, I am trying to do her hair” he is so annoying at times “I am trying to do you Robyn, like think of this. Me and you are going to be the first people to have sex in my new hotel, mind blowing right?” I smirked trying to not laugh at him “nobody said that was happening, you are deluded” finishing off “aww look at your puffy little pigtails, aww my baby. You look so pretty! Oh my god, mommy has done so well. Now if daddy can pass me your bib so you can drool on there” snatching Reign’ bib from him “you lucky she didn’t drool on her dress; she is in a good mood. You are going to upset her”  Maurice is like a naughty school kid, he is a feign, he wants me so bad “mhmm they are both in a good mood, mhmmm I want to upset them” eye-balling Maurice as he stared at my boobs “my mother is here!” I spat “I know, she knows. She raised a very beautiful daughter, I respect that” he is so full of shit “Terry I am sorry, I don’t mean it. I just get excited” he apologised “I have heard enough of you two now” my mom has had enough now; she is ready to go. Shaking my head staring at Maurice, Reign placed her bubzy in my face “what is it baby?” she looks so pretty, Maurice got up from his seat from across me “where are you going?” grabbing his arm, he laughed “nothing, toilet” he said with a smirk “yeah?” raising an eyebrow “mhmm” he is not shit at all, I don’t even want to know. Letting him walk off “sorry mom” I feel bad, he is so bad “don’t be, he is like a teenage boy on heat. Men” my mother shook her head laughing.

Maurice took way longer then he should have in that toilet, watching Maurice sit down across from me. He let out a very deep sigh “relieved?” I said in a whisper “very” Maurice mumbled laughing, he is so nasty “please tell me you didn’t” I don’t want my mother to hear, Maurice smirked sitting back “whatever you say, you can think what you like my love” leaning over on the table, Maurice’ eyes fell down onto my breasts “those are what got me going” he pointed, shaking my head laughing “don’t you think Adam has done well? He has hid them well, it’s just you” Maurice bit his bottom lip, he clenched his fist and blew out air “I think me and you need to erm, you know” he is very horny, he is such a mess “I love you pootie, my mom is leaving us by the way. She is done with us, I am sad actually” I can feel Maurice undressing me with his eyes, he is so very horny “stop it” I said to him “ok, I am done. Anyways I am sad Terry is leaving but she is being too kind with the behaviour Robyn’ exhibits, I mean Terry do you agree with the dress she is wearing?” I gasped, is he doing this right now “excuse me” I said “my daughter is taken now, I have no say unless you don’t like it?” my mom said “I like it in other places” he is not shit “mom, stop speaking to him” placing my hand up “he is just a teenage boy, he can’t help himself” Maurice grabbed my hand dragging it down “you know damn well I ain’t, you love me really” he is making me so happy, I do love how playful he is with me more recently than ever.

My mom held Reign to get off the jet as I made my way down the steps slowly, I don’t want to trip and fall now. Maurice held his hand out to me, placing my hand in his “thank you baby” held my hand down the rest of the steps “you honestly, hand on my heart. You look so beautiful and I am so lucky to have you, you blown my mind seeing you like this. Got me so speechless” I cooed out “Maurice that is so sweet, I love you so much” placing my hands on his chest, smoothing down his suit “I don’t want to mess your makeup so I will refrain from attacking you” I grinned wide “I love you, I am so glad I came. I could get used to this” I can’t wait to have sex with him, that will be happening “Robyn, Maurice. Come here now, we have a photographer” looking behind me at Lorraine “for what?” I said “promo shoots for the company, come on now. Rich, this is Maurice and Robyn Davenport. Say hi to Rich” Maurice was the first to get his hand out to him “nice to meet you, this will be on the promo so do good pictures of us” Maurice said “already have, and you are looking beautiful. I am Rich” shaking his hand “thank you so much” how sweet of him “in general!” Lorraine shouted “he is your photographer now” letting out an oh “for what?” I don’t get it “everything! He will be taking pictures and he is the only guy to publish them too, learn to have him around. Come on” looking over at Maurice, this is so wild to me.

[honesthearts]

– character interview

got tagged by @verakeyes tysm!! 💕

tagging @devotchkas @colesphelps @pabstbeerpussy @rumhqm @statichvm @fkingpeggies @teamhawkeye no obligation ofc!

i already did this for cass so i’ll do this for heather now!

name ➔ heather louise lockwood.

are you single ➔ well, due to not so recent events, yes i am.

are you happy ➔ who is, in this irradiated hellhole?

are you angry ➔ just tired.

are your parents still married ➔ does it matter? they’ve been dead for 200 years.

NINE FACTS

birth place ➔ boston, massachussetts.

hair colour ➔ blonde. haters will say it’s fake.

eye colour ➔ a grey-ish blue.

birthday ➔ november 19th.

mood ➔ right now? tired. in general? bitter.

gender ➔ female.

summer or winter ➔ winter! i miss it, it never snows in boston anymore.

morning or afternoon ➔ i like to wake up early in the morning to get things done.

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

are you in love ➔ …i still am, i think about robert all the time.

do you believe in love at first sight ➔ i… yes, i do.

who ended your last relationship ➔ a literal nuclear bomb.

have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ i don’t think so, i’m terribly sorry if i did.

are you afraid of commitments ➔ no.

have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ only dogmeat.

have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ not to sound like i’m bragging, but a few. i mean looks and brains? who wouldn’t admire that?

have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ …next question.

SIX CHOICES

love or lust ➔ why not both?

lemonade or iced tea ➔ i don’t think either exist now…. but lemonade.

cats or dogs ➔ cats… don’t tell dogmeat.

a few best friends or many regular friends ➔ few best friends.

wild night out or romantic night in ➔ depends on the mood.

day or night ➔ night, because it’s dark and that way I can’t see the ugly wasteland landscape.

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

been caught sneaking out ➔ [chuckles] no, never.

fallen down/up the stairs ➔ it happens to everyone.

wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ my life before the war. i think about it everyday.

wanted to disappear ➔ …there have been moments. i don’t like talking about it.

FOUR PREFERENCES

smile or eyes ➔ i’m weak for a nice smile.

shorter or taller ➔ taller, definitly.

intelligence or attraction ➔ they are both important but while beauty is not everything… it matters.

hook-up or relationship ➔ neither, at the moment.

FAMILY

do you and your family get along ➔ don’t really have any left, do i?

would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ i was in cryo for 200 years and i lost everyone and everything i ever cared about, what do you think?

have you ever ran away from home ➔ and go where?

have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ no.

FRIENDS

do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ i didn’t like piper at first, but she grew on me.

do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ i mean, sort of? i trust most of them.

who is your best friend ➔ valentine.

who knows everything about you ➔ myself, and that’s how i like it.

[bigbangsmasher]

★ INTERVIEW THE MUSE

“Squirrel powerrrr!”

► ARE YOU SINGLE?   ➭ “Tragically so! But, to be fair, it’s not like I’m really looking for anything. So sorry Spirale hopefuls, but this gal’s off the market.” ► ARE YOU HAPPY?   ➭ "Well, sure! Most of the time, anyways. I’m going back and forth sometimes, but I think I’m getting better. No one can be happy all the time.” ► ARE YOU ANGRY?   ➭ “Aren’t we all? I try not to wallow in it too much, though. Unless Hazama is involved, fuck that guy.” ► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭  "Gosh, I sure hope so. I haven’t really been able to contact them in a while. But everything was great the last I heard, so I’m sure it’s all fine now!”

NINE FACTS.

► BIRTH PLACE   ➭ "The good ol’ Hierarchical City of Shinatsu. They call it number 11, but it’s number one in my heart!” ► HAIR COLOR   ➭ "Just shades of brown. I got these cool stripes though, they run in the family. They are also brown.” ► EYE COLOR   ➭ "Brown again.” ► BIRTHDAY   ➭  "April 2nd! Let me tell you, I am so glad I dodged that April 1st birthday. Can you imagine what a pain that would be?” ► MOOD  ➭ "I’m... just vibin’ right now. Takin’ it easy, takin’ it sleazy. You know how it is.” ► GENDER   ➭  "Just a girl. Who is also a squirrel. I only say that because it rhymes.” ► SUMMER OR WINTER   ➭ "Gotta be summer! Beach days, bustin’ watermelons, picnics in the shade, it’s all better when it’s sunny out! When it gets cold I just wanna... bury some nuts, for some reason...” ► MORNING OR AFTERNOON   ➭  "Morning’s my time, because I just love to watch a good sunrise. Also a nice time to do some training before everyone else wakes up and gets in your way.”

EIGHT QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

► ARE YOU IN LOVE?   ➭  "Sure! Not, like, a romantic love, though. Was that the question? Oh, then I don’t think so.” ► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?   ➭ "That’s just called infatuation. How can you love someone you don’t know? Love’s all about getting to know someone inside and out, and the bonds you make over the course of that. I-I mean, if I had to guess!” ► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP?   ➭ "Uh, work. I know that’s kinda boring, but our schedules just didn’t match up. No loss, though.” ► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART?   ➭ "Gosh, I hope not. But, y’know, I am really hot and unavailable, so the answer is probably a tragic yes.” ► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭ "Nahhhh. I mean, probably not? Y’know, I don’t know, I’ve never really had to think about it... Now that I think about it, going out with someone would probably cut into my time with my friends, so would that really be worth it? Oh, I gotta think about this now...” ► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➭ "Man, I hugged someone on the way here! You just can’t have too many hugs! Life’s too short to not let people know you care about them, you know?” ► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER?  ➭ "N-no, I don’t think so. I had a lot of secret haters in the Academy though. Well, it wasn’t exactly secret, but- anyways, let’s move on.” ► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART?   ➭ "I... I don’t... I’m not really sure how to answer this one. I guess I have, in some ways. I don’t know if it was in a romantic way, though. At least, I don’t think it was. Man, this love stuff’s harder than I thought...”

SIX CHOICES.

► LOVE OR LUST   ➭ "Why not both? Both are fun, both are nice. Even if it’s been a while since I did the ol’ horizontal innuendo...” ► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA   ➭ "Lemonade, but only because the caffeine in tea is a little much for me. You’ve seen me, right? I don’t need a second reason to be bouncing off the walls.” ► CATS OR DOGS   ➭  "All the animals of the world are my kindred spirits! Even... even the snakes. Even though the creep me out, I still appreciate them.” ► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS   ➭ "I got both, baby! If I just need some best buds, I got Tsubaki, Noel, Mai, people like that! And if I need someone for a casual hangout, I got plenty of people like that too! Man, it is just great to be me.” ► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN   ➭ "Oof, some extremes here, huh? I do like the nightlife of the city, but I don’t really have anyone to spend a ‘romantic’ night with. You gotta have both, y’know? Sometimes you gotta stay in and charge your batteries so you can burn ‘em all the next day!” ► DAY OR NIGHT   ➭  "I know I said morning earlier, but I prefer the night. I used to do a lot of my work at night, so I did a lot of overnight shifts. I guess I’m just kinda used to it now.”

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS.

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT   ➭  "Yes. By Tsubaki. It was very difficult to get past her since we lived in the same dorm.” ► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS   ➭ "Almost never. You’re probably surprised, right? Well, let me tell you that this tail of mine really does wonders for my center of balance. It’s almost unfair!” ► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT?   ➭ "...Yeah. And we got her back, so... that was nice.” ► WANTED TO DISAPPEAR   ➭ "When I was younger, sure. I always thought that I just had to put up with all the bad shit in my life, and sometimes you just wish it could all... go away. But then I met some people who helped me move past that.”

FOUR PREFERENCES.

► SMILE OR EYES   ➭ "This might be kinda corny of me to say, but I love to see people smile. A real smile, like with a laugh thrown in too. Really just warms up the heart.”  ► SHORTER OR TALLER   ➭ "Well, I’m the tallest of all my friends, not by much though. Most of the guys I know are taller than me, most of the girls are shorter, so... both?” ► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION   ➭ "What, like brains or body? Uh, well... I’d prefer someone who takes care of themselves, and everyone’s smart in their own way so I guess I’d go with the latter.” ► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP   ➭  "Haha, uh. Tsubaki, don’t read this one. I’ve had both, and the former is just a little more stress-free, you know? As long as everyone’s going in without any expectations, it’s just a nice time. Relationships are kinda tricky, I haven’t really had one that worked out.”

FAMILY.

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭ "Oh sure! I love my mommy and daddy, and all my sibs too! Mekoto, Mikoto, Mokoto, Mukoto, and even Mykoto!” ► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE”   ➭ "Uhhh, sorta? I mean, first, when I was younger, I had to deal with a lot of hate just because I was a beastkin. That never really ends, you know? And then when I thought stuff was getting to be ‘normal,’ I discovered a giant governmental conspiracy, and my best friends got brainwashed two separate times, and it’s just been very messy overall.” ► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME   ➭ "Nope! Not like there was a lot of places to run to down there.” ► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭ "Let me tell you something. Growing up, family was all we had sometimes. And we never turned our backs on each other, not once.”

FRIENDS.

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS   ➭ "N... No. How could I? Even if a lot of them are from noble families, and they’re all humans too, they’ve all been... really good to me. I don’t hate them, it’s just... I can’t ever forgive how some of those people treated me.” ► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS   ➭  "Sure! I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone I didn’t think I could rely on in a pinch. And I’d do the same for them, of course.” ► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND   ➭ "Noel! Tsubaki! Those are my top two! I’ve known them for years and years, I love ‘em with all my heart, and I’d do anything for ‘em! If you were to ask me ‘Makoto, what’s your goal in life?’ I’d tell you it’s to make sure that they’re living their best lives! I mean... they saved mine. I owe them everything.” ► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU   ➭ "Welllll, Noel and Tsubaki probably come closest... But there’s some things I can’t tell them. Like, you think I can tell Tsubaki how I lost my virginity? That’s probably kill her outright. And I could never tell Noel what I think of her ‘cooking,’ if you can even call it that. That would just break her heart. Besides, no one can know everything about another person. There’s some stuff everyone just keeps to themselves.”

tagged by: the spirits of christmas tagging: no one since meme day is now over

[crackmadhi]

Day 9 - Liar

Friday, 14 August 2043 – Age 44 Penda did not unbuckle her seatbelt as Simon stopped in their parking lot in the garage.  Instead she angrily tapped her fingers and glared down on her knees.

He sighed and drew over his dry eyes. It would soon be midnight, he had had a long, long day and he was not in the mood for his – ward’s tantrums. Still, he was aware that Penda wasn’t easily angered to this extent and the fifteen-year-old didn’t usually get worked up over him being overly protective like this.

“Pie-”, he started but was stopped at once as she furiously turned towards him and actually hit his upper arm.

It didn’t hurt but caught him completely off guard.

“What was this!?” she shouted and continued without waiting a beat. “Why did you have to come there and ring?! You were supposed to call me first! Actually, Nahyuta was supposed to come, so why are you sitting here anyway?!”

“Yuta doesn’t like driving at night and I heard loud music from the outside so just chose to ring directly, as I was not sure if you would hear me through the noise”, Simon explained calmly not sure why she was so hostile.

“The fuck? They always get me! They never said something about not liking to drive at night! Why do you lie to me?”

“I don’t know why Yuta never mentioned it, but they really do not enjoy driving at night and I said I could fetch you as it wouldn’t make a big difference. I’m sorry that I was mistaken”, he tried to negotiate but somehow it made the girl even more upset.

Agitated she unbuckled her seatbelt and heatedly hissed: “’Sorry that I was mistaken’? Seriously?! I’m s’pposed to believe that, after you distrust me even answering my own phone?! After acting as if I needed protection from a party in one of my friend’s home?! What do you think am I? Stupid? A little kid?!”

Simon wanted to interrupt her. She was being angry and illogical and probably about to say something she would regret later. But then he was struck by her glare and…

“Why am I even asking?! You always lie to me, you did from the very first second! Saying there would be no consequences of my actions, would I cooperate, you wouldn’t judge me! I did what you said and now I – I you still can’t trust me because of it! Because of my mistake and – And you act as if you weren’t lying and so often I’m so damn close to believe you but – But what, what did I expect? What did I expect from a man who preaches about honesty, while framing himself for a crime he didn’t commit? The cause justifies the means, doesn’t it? I mean – She opened to door and pulled her legs out of the passenger’s seat – you still even insist that your aromantic despite being in a fucking relationship with Yuta. Why are you doing this to them? Why are you wearing this stupid aro-patche with pride, when it declares that you don’t really love them!? Why are you hurting them like this!? I - I – I don’t get you and I don’t want to get you anymore.”

She smashed the door behind and stormed up to their apartment.

Simon had to concentrated on his breathing. He should have realized that her words were a frustrated result of a long string of misunderstanding and miscommunication neither he nor she had ever dared to clear up and now had come up at in a randomly caused tantrum of hers. Not that it would excuse her harshness but it would have let made him realize that the words she used meant something different than it initially seemed.

But at this time Simon could not think of all those things. No, he only saw her burning eyes in front of him and saw the apparent disgust and hater in them. He saw the stares of class mates, ‘friends’, Debeste’s dehumanizing attitude. At once he was a child again and helpless under their judgment and prisoner behind bars.

He didn’t deserve to be treated like this. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

Or…

Or had he?

How had it come to this?

How had he been thrown back so many years in his personal growth just by a few words of his daugh-

Air. He snapped for air and cradled his own arms. He was slightly rocking back and forth, supressing sobs that became stronger and stronger every time he tried to hold them back.

After an eternity someone knocked on the car window. Simon couldn’t look up but as soon as the door was opened and he was pulled against their chest, even with his seat belt holding him back, he knew it was his Nahyuta who had come down. They prayed a few words before they asked what had happened, while Simon finally unbuckled his belt and got his nose cleaned.

Simon explained it to them. It was hard but he knew it was better to say it now that he could, instead of holding it back. He saw how they got angry and told them not to. Told them she couldn’t know how much this had hit him.

Nahyuta did not agree. They wouldn’t be lenient about this.

They told Simon that they would take care of it in the morning and Penda would not be allowed to go out in the evenings in the next few weeks. Simon wanted to talk back but they stopped him immediately and told him to go to bed. It would be fine they said.

Simon nodded as they headed both back to the apartment.

They entered through the door, he got ready to go to sleep, put on his bed clothes, brushed his teeth and went to Tumaini’s room to kiss him good night. The nine-year-old barely budged, but still mumbled a quiet ‘g’d’night’ when he softly patted his head. It soothed his mind a bit and let him smile. Then he went to their room.

Nahyuta already laid in bed again and Simon joined them quietly. They gave him a peck on the forehead and mumbled: “Sabai thîkai hunêcha. Ma yasakô hêracâha garnêchu.”

Then they laid down and fell asleep. Simon on the other hand…

He had a hard time to let sleep come to him. He knew Nahyuta was right. He wanted to believe them. He wanted to believe that everything would be okay.

But right now…

Right now he somehow really felt like a liar.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19003753/chapters/45562663

[got7ficsandaus]

GOT7 REACTION: You’re insecure about your weight.

Jaebum:

It was a Sunday morning, and just like every other Sunday morning you had gotten up early to prepare breakfast for your boyfriend. The only difference today was that you decided to check your phone and go on twitter. You hadn’t been on twitter for a really long time, ever since you started dating Jaebum actually. You thought the environment was toxic and that you did not need that negativity in your life. You had been really good at avoiding twitter but recently you started missing it. You missed the funny memes being shared and you missed seeing that idol-fan interaction that only really happens on twitter so you decided to go on for a short while. You tweeted something about how long it has been and boi did your notifications blow up. You saw hundreds of messages of IGOT7 saying how you and Jaebum were actual couple goals and how they were so happy for you two. Hmm… maybe twitter isn’t so bad after all you thought. You continued scrolling through the tweets and there it was. The first hate tweet. For some reason after seeing the first mean comment about you those were the only ones you could see. There might have been 200 nice messages for every 1 mean message but they went unnoticed. You only started reading the mean messages and for some reason they were all about your weight. ‘’Am I really that overweight?’ you thought to yourself. You walked to the mirror and suddenly saw all the things the haters were mentioning. You had saggy thighs, your arms jiggled when they moved, when you smiled your double chin was showing. All these things you have never noticed before suddenly were the only things you could see. It didn’t matter anymore that you were satisfied with the way you looked suddenly it was about all those anonymous people on the internet. They decided when you could be satisfied.

You were so caught up in your own thought you didn’t hear Jaebum coming downstairs. ‘’What no breakfast today?’’ He said as he placed his arms around you back hugging you and giving you a small kiss in your neck. ‘’Oh sorry I totally forgot! Let me go make it quickly!’’ you said in return trying to act as if nothing was wrong. You decided to forget about what those people on the internet said. They were only jealous about your relationship anyway.

 It was three weeks later and for some reason the thoughts about your weight hadn’t left your mind ever since. Jaebum started to notice something was going on but every time he asked you about it you dismissed it and said nothing was going on. He accepted this until he came home one day seeing you on the floor sitting in a corner, crying with your head in your hands, your clothes scattered everywhere. He ran up to you and held you close. ‘’You have to tell me what is wrong! I am not taking nothing for an answer! I love you I want to help you but you have to let me!’’ ‘’T-t-they say I am too f-f-fat to be with you. T-t-t-that I am t-too ugly. T-t-t-that I d-d-don’t d-d-deserve you.’’ You stuttered ‘’Who? Who said that? People on the internet? Baby I told you it’s not true what they are saying! Do they know me? No, they don’t! They think they do but they don’t. They don’t know me, they don’t know you, they don’t know our relationship. They are outsiders looking in and just because you and I are making choices they don’t agree with does not mean what they think is right! It does not mean that I don’t love you just the way you are! Just because they’re saying you are fat and that you should be unhappy with yourself it is true? First of all, it shouldn’t matter what other people think about you as long as you are happy and healthy that’s all that matters. Second of all, you are not fat! You are curvy and to me that is sexy as hell and you used to think the same so what happened? Why do you value the opinions of the people you don’t know over the opinions of yourself and the people you love and love you?’’ Jaebum lectured you. ‘’You’re right’’ you mumbled wiping away the tears. ‘’What was that? I couldn’t quite here that right.’’ Jaebum teased. ‘’ I said you’re right. ‘’Good girl, now let’s go eat some pizza.’’

Mark:

You had always felt insecure about your weight but never did anything about it. When you started feeling more down and less energetic you decided to go to the doctor. When the doctor told you it might be related to your weight you decided enough was enough and that you needed to lose weight. You made an appointment with a dietician and were on a roll with your weight loss journey to a healthier version of yourself.

It took a while but you had finally reached your weight goal but for some reason you felt like you didn’t slim down enough. You still saw unwanted fat on places despite the positive comments everyone gave you. Maybe it was because of those positive comments. Maybe you loved the compliments so much you wanted to lose more and more weight to keep receiving those compliments so you did. You lost so much more weight it started to scare Mark. He tried to recall the last time he saw you eating anything containing any form of sugar but he couldn’t. There is nothing wrong with a sugar free diet but when you started cutting fruit from your diet due to the fruit sugars it contained Mark realized something was wrong.

‘’Babe, me and the boys are going out to eat are you coming?’’ Mark asked you. You hated going out to eat, you hated it when anyone saw you eat but it was the third time Mark asked you to go out this week and you couldn’t come up with any excuse so you decided to go. When you arrived at the restaurant and saw it was a pizzeria your heart dropped. How were you going to eat anything here? You planned to just order a salad without any dressing and say that you weren’t really hungry because you had a large snack before but you couldn’t order a salad at this place. They served a salad as a side dish next to the pizza. Mark noticed your mood change and asked what was wrong. ‘’Nothing I’m just not that hungry. Is it okay if I eat your salad I don’t think I can eat a pizza right now?’’ You said hoping Mark would think nothing off it. ‘’I can literally hear your stomach grumbling. I know you are hungry and pizza used to be your favourite thing to eat what happened? Lately you’ve only been eating raw vegetables and drinking water. You’ve gotten so skinny I am worried about you please just tell me what is wrong.’’ Mark pleaded. ‘’Can we discuss this later please? I don’t want to talk about it in front of the boys. Can we please do this at home?’’ you responded. ‘’Fine.’’

Mark was on edge the entire dinner, when you guys were ordering and you announced you were only going to eat the salad you could feel Mark’s anger bar rising, when everyone decided to go out for ice cream after but you said you were lactose intolerant, which was a lie, so you couldn’t eat with them, you could feel Mark’s anger bar rising and when you were finally at home just the two of you and you had pretended to fall asleep in the car so you wouldn’t have to have the conversation Mark’s anger bar exploded. He lifted you out of the car, into the bedroom fully aware that you were awake but he realized his tactics weren’t going to work. He realized he couldn’t help you by himself so he decided to get the help of a professional. Mark learned that from the symptoms he described you most likely had an eating disorder and/or body dysmorphia and that you needed professional help. But when Mark told you what he did and that he wanted you to go to therapy it did not go the way he wanted. You downright refused to listen to what he had to say and did not agree with his so called findings.

‘’Baby, please let me help you. Please let’s go to therapy you can go alone we can go together I just want you to get help. You’re scarring me and your body does not look healthy so please let me help you and let’s get you healthy again’’. Mark said. ‘’I don’t think that’s necessary.’’ You replied. ‘’Please Y/N! if not for you then do it for me please!’’ Mark was now begging you. It hurt you to see Mark like this so you decided to accept his help. You still did not think that you needed it but you’d do anything to rid the painful expression Mark had written on his face.

It’s was a year later and therapy had been going great. You realized Mark was right and that you had a distorted view of yourself. You had started your road to a healthy weight again only this time from the other side of the spectrum.

Jackson:

You had always been a big girl growing up and it had never bothered you. Sure sometimes kids would say something about your weight but it never really got to you. This was until you started dating Jackson. Dating him meant you were now in the public eye. Not only were you in the public eye you were also in a new environment, an environment that had beauty standards the complete opposite of what you looked like; porcelain skin? Not really something you had. Long straight hair? It took hours to straighten yours and with only a little bit of humidity it would be frizzy and unmanageable. And then there was the body type matter. In Korea skinny bodies are praised and you just did not have a skinny body and for a very long time that was fine. The way your parents had raised you had taught you that beauty was in the eye of the beholder and as long as you liked the way you looked and as long as you were a healthy and kind person there was no one more beautiful than you on the earth. Have courage and be kind was your motto and up until now you were proud to say you have lived true to your motto. But recently your courage had been flooding down the drain. For some reason you didn’t dare to wear the skintight dresses you used to wear anymore. Wearing a tight shirt without having a coat to cover you was a no go and working out with just a pair of leggings and a sports bra on? Only if it were a privet gym. Jackson of course started to notice your change in clothing and wanted to know what was going on with you. Was this just a normal change because hey, style changes over time or was something deeper going on.

‘’Why don’t you wear this dress anymore? It used to be your favourite and actually the way it hugs your body so tightly it became my favourite too’’ Jackson said holding up one of your bodycon dresses and giving you a wink. ‘’ I don’t know I just don’t really like the way my body looks in that dress anymore. It reveals everything and it looks good when I have shapewear on but I don’t really feel like wearing shapewear since it obstructs by breathing and it kind of feels like it’s cutting of my blood circulation.’’ You shrugged. Jackson thought this was weird you had always liked the way you looked and always told him you liked the way you looked with the few extra pounds on your body. You had always said skinny wasn’t for you, you wanted to be a chubby person like those cherubs. ‘’Since when don’t you like your body anymore?’’ ‘’I don’t know it’s just that where I come from, I don’t stand out that much but here I am really deviating from the norm. I am not what’s beautiful here and that makes me not like the way I look right now. I just think I should lose a bit of weight.’’ You replied as if it was no big deal. ‘’Baby listen to me. If you want to lose a bit of weight because you would feel more confident, be my guest don’t let anyone stop you, but don’t do it because you think that other people will like you more or because other people will think you look more beautiful.’’ ‘’I just want to lose a bit of weight so I look more appropriate to be dating you.’’ You said, explaining the real reason you were now sworn off of skintight clothing. ‘’For me?! No, don’t change yourself for me! I love the way you look! I love the curves you have they drive me crazy woman! Honestly I deserve an award for not jumping you every time I see you.’’ Jackson joked trying to light up the mood. ‘’That’s called manners Jackson, no one deserves an award for manners it should be a common thing.’’ You said rolling your eyes. ‘’Well can I be a savage then for tonight?’’ he said wrapping his arms around you moving his hands towards your ass. ‘’Only because you asked nicely.

Jinyoung:

Growing up you had always struggled with your weight you got bullied at school and even worse you also got bullied at home. Your mom always called you a lazy pig and other hurtful names and your siblings weren’t nicer to you either. Your confidence level was near zero and so you were amazed, surprised and very uncertain when this handsome young man walked up to you all those years ago to ask you for your number. You were a hundred per cent sure he did it for a bet and despite your certainty of getting hurt if you would engage with this man there was something about the look in his eyes and the sweet smile on his face that made you give him your number.

It was now 5 years after the young man had asked for your number. You started going on dates and one thing led to another you were now engaged with the most wonderful person on the world. When you were around Jinyoung you were never reminded of you weight. He made you feel so comfortable your insecurities were the last thing you thought about.

You and Jinyoung had decided to keep your relationship private, only a few close friends knew. Jinyoung knew about your confidence issues and thought it wouldn’t be wise to have your relationship out in the public. He had seen how the partners of idols were treated by some so called fans and did not want you to go through this hardship. Usually however, when marriage is involved everyone is happy and no hate is being thrown. Which is why Jinyoung decided to announce your engagement to the public he posted a picture of the moment he asked you on his social media tagging you in the picture with the caption: ‘The love of my live I cannot believe we will finally be together forever as husband and wife’. The comments on his picture were full of congratulatory messages. Some were confused because they thought he was single. Some were negative because now he wasn’t on the market anymore but most were happy and positive comments. You on the other hand did not receive the nice congratulatory messages. You received negative messages about how you were stealing Jinyoung away from his fans, and how you weren’t good enough for him. It seemed like everyone agreed a woman with a body like yours was not deserving of dating an idol. Deep down you knew Jinyoung loved you no matter what you looked like but for some reason all the insecurities that Jinyoung helped you so well to put away reached the surface. You were so caught up in your own denigrating thoughts you didn’t hear Jinyoung coming into the room. ‘’Hey baby! The reactions are so great I can’t believe I was actually worried! Everyone is being so kind and congratulatory it’s great!’’ Jinyoung exclaimed. ‘’Ah yes wauw so great.’’ You responded trying to sound as enthusiastic as Jinyoung was. Your fake enthusiasm obviously did not make the cut and he noticed something was off. ‘’What’s wrong? Are you having second thoughts about marrying me?’’ Jinyoung asked thinking it was the thought of the future marriage that brought down your mood. ‘’’NO! Of course not! I love you and I can’t wait to be married to you. It’s nothing okay. I just received a few negative messages but they’re nothing really.’’ you said. ‘’How many is a few? How bad are they? What were they about? Honestly I wish you could just dismiss those comments. Who cares what strangers think about us? It shouldn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how I feel about you and how you feel about me. And I can assure if you love me only a tenth as much as I love you we will be married forever.

Youngjae:

All your life you had been very skinny and it had made you feel very insecure. Whilst all of your girlfriends grew curves during their puberty you just grew taller. The worst thing about it was that no one allowed you to complain about the way you felt about your body. When your friends were complaining about the thickness of their thighs and how difficult it was to find pants that would fit their thighs and not be extremely large on the waste they always looked at you and said: ‘’Oh but you obviously don’t have that problem you are so lucky you are so skinny and no matter what you eat you don’t gain any weight.’’ Little did they know that actually not gaining any weight was just as much torture to you as gaining weight was to them. You wanted to be curvy too. You wanted to go wear a low cut shirt and actually have a cleavage, you wanted to wear pants that were not oversized at the hip area. You wanted to wear strapless pumps without your feet coming out every time you took a step but because you were skinny you weren’t allowed to complain. It didn’t matter that in most stores a XS was too small and that you had to shop in the kids department even though you were a grown woman. No society says they like your body therefore you have to like your body.

Moving to Korea had made a lot of your problems go away. The people were generally smaller then were you came from so the clothes also came in smaller sizes. Due to the beauty standards in Korea you didn’t stand out as much as you used to simply because there were more people that looked like you. This all made you feel better about the way you looked but you still did not feel satisfied. Every time you wore a bodycon dress or a tight fitting shirt you always felt like you missed something when looking in the mirror. The something that you missed were curves. In your opinion you looked like a child trying on their mother’s clothes and it was not a good look. Youngjae knows what it’s like to feel insecure about the way your body looks so he always tried to compliment you. His compliments made you feel better but they never got rid of your insecurity.

You had thought about getting plastic surgery, but you were quite scared about what people were going to say and more importantly you had watched one too many episodes of botched. So when one day you were browsing online and you came across a website called butt secret you had possible found the answer your problems. The website sold things such as waist trainers and shapewear, but they also sold butt lifters that help increase the size of your hips and butt and silicon breast cups to increase the size of your breasts. As you were ordering your things Youngjae came home came to you to say hello. ‘’Hey baby I’m ho… what’s that? What are you ordering?’’ he said as he saw your laptop screen. ‘’Oh it’s like shapewear that gives you curves. I just don’t like the way my body looks it’s too childish and boyish and I just want curves.’’ You explained. ‘’Oh, okay. Just know that I don’t think your body looks childish and boyish! If you want to wear these things to make yourself feel more comfortable and confident then be my guest but know that you don’t have to do it for me or anyone else. I love you just the way you are okay? You know I even have a song about it. It’s called Just Right I don’t know it you know it but what is said it that song also goes out to you okay? Youngjae joked. ‘’I know, thank you. I love you.’’ ‘’I love you more!’’  Youngjae exclaimed. ‘’And I love you the most.’’ You replied.

Bambam:

It had all begun when you and Bambam announced your relationship to the public. There were a lot of nice and congratulatory messages but there were also a lot of hate messages. Bambam told you to ignore them and block and report everyone who send them to you. So you did, but before you can report something you still need to know what the message says, so you still read all the messages and they got to you. There were a lot about how you didn’t deserve Bambam and how you were an attention whore who only was with him for his fame. You knew Bambam didn’t feel the same way so really it should not have mattered but you did not have the luxury to disregard what strangers said about you even though it was untrue. Later on in your relationship those messages started going away, not because people were finally accepting you as a couple but because they had something new to bully you with.

Ever since you and Bambam had announced your relationship you had gained weight. Not an incredible large amount but still enough to have it be noticed. Your increased body size was now the hot topic to send you hate messages about. And it wasn’t only so called fans on the internet it was also the media. Tabloids printed covers with you on it bashing your weight gain, internet blogs spurted their nasty unfiltered insults everywhere and even Bambam was asked questions about your weight during interviews. He always responded with the same answer. That he loved you no matter what you looked like and that they were ridiculous for asking that question. When he would come home he would always compliment you on your looks trying to get the negative thoughts out of your head, but everyone knows one negative is stronger than God knows how many positive thoughts. So even though you did feel better after hearing Bam’s compliments it did not outweigh your negative thoughts.

The longer the messages lasted the more you started to believe they were actually true. Despite the fact that you still had a healthy weight, despite the fact that actually you didn’t think that our body looked bad and that you actually thought you looked better and healthier than before you still started to hate your body. At one point it got so bad Bam decided that enough was enough. He turned to his social media and called everyone out he had enough of people treating his girlfriend as if she was a product on the market and gave everyone his piece of mind. Some people got the memo and apologized to you but unfortunately a lot did not. That’s when Bambam decided to ask ahgase for help he wanted to do something special for you so he decided to get as many videos of ahgase saying what they liked about you as he could. He then asked the boys and your family and friends to make videos as well and made it into a video. When it was finished he had the whole night planned. He rented a projector and set up a cozy outdoor theater on the roof with lots of blankets, pillows and of course snacks. He hung fairy lights everywhere to give it a romantic vibe and to his luck it was a little cold meaning you would snuggle into him all night. When he took you to the roof you could not believe your eyes it was absolutely beautiful and you blessed to have a boyfriend that would do this for you. You thought things couldn’t get more perfect. Until he screened the video that was. You were absolutely amazed that there were so many strangers who thought all these positive things of you that you got teary eyed. When the video came to its ends you had tears running all over your face and Bambam got worried. ‘’What you don’t like it?’’ he asked you. ‘’No no that’s not it I love it so much thank you.’’ You replied. ‘’Then why are you crying baby?’’ Bambam laughed. ‘’I’m just so touched I can’t believe you did this for me this is amazing I love you sooooo much.’’ You said as you kissed him.

Yugyeom:

Your appearance was something you never gave much attention to. That did not mean you looked like a slob it just meant you didn’t really care what you looked like to other people as long as you were confident and happy it was fine. This attitude came from your parents they always pointed out how the inside was of a much bigger importance than the outside. They never complimented you on the way you looked instead they complemented you on the things you did. Some people said that this was wrong and that you should be complemented on your looks to grow your confidence but you liked it. You liked getting complimented on something you had a 100% control over instead of something you were born with. This was also something Yugyeom was absolutely crazy about. He saw how the girlfriends of his hyung’s would sometimes get negative comments about their appearance and how it would affect them. He was glad that even if people would say bad things about you it wouldn’t hurt you as much or so he thought. Yes, to you your inside was more important than your appearance but that did not mean that you were immune to negative comments about your appearance especially if they came from people that actually knew you.

The first time you got hate you shrugged it off quickly. No, it wasn’t nice to read that someone felt that way about you but they didn’t know you so they judged you solely based on your appearance and if you weren’t their style there is nothing wrong with that. You went on treating your new hate comments the same way you treated the first one. But when someone who you thought was your friend said something along the same lines you started getting insecure. As you were waiting backstage for Yugyeom you overheard some of the staff talking about you. They obviously didn’t know you were there since you came as a surprise and did not tell anybody. ‘’ What do you think about Yugyeom girlfriend?’’ one said. ‘’Well I don’t know, I mean she is nice and all but it also comes across as fake and can she please go exercise or something like you are dating an idol keep up the look it’s not that hard.’’ The other one replied. ‘’RIGHT?! Like come on you weigh more than your boyfriend hahahahhaha.’’ They continued making fun of you. Upon hearing this you looked down at your body hmm, yes I mean you were a bit on the larger size and when you wore Yugyeom’s shirts they fit you quite well instead of that oversized ‘boyfriend’ effect it was supposed to have but…. was that really so wrong? You didn’t have more time to think about it because Yugyeom just came walking through the door absolutely excited to see you. You tried to put away the thought for later and enjoy the moment with Yugyeom but that was easier said than done. Yugyeom of course noticed your mental absence and asked you what was wrong when the two of you were finally alone in your hotel room. ‘’ Baby, you’ve been acting a little strange all night it something wrong?’’ ‘’Do you think I should lose weight? Like I mean I am a bit on the big size so if you want me to lose some weight please tell me! Cause I know how much guys like it when girls wear their clothes and they’re so big they basically drown in them and when I wear your shirts it’s like I just took it out of my closet so…’’ you spurted out. ‘’ Wow stop no. I do not want you to lose weight unless you want to. I like the way you fit in my clothes just fine alright. What’s gotten into you? You never used to give much attention to things like this.’’ He asked you. ‘’I know. It’s just that I overheard some of the staff saying I should lose some weight in order to look more appropriate to date you that’s just it.’’ You responded. ‘’WHICH STAFF SAID THAT? WHO WAS IT I WILL GO AND GIVE THEM A PIECE OF MIND! YOU ARE PERFECT FOR ME I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME NOTHING ELSE IS NECESSARY!’’ Yugyeom exclaimed. ‘’It’s okay Yugyeom you don’t have to scold them okay. I’m fine it was just a thought that I had okay it’s fine.’’ ‘’Alright then. Just know that I love you okay I would never ask you to alter your appearance, or anything really, for me.’’ Yugyeom said after he calmed down. ‘’I love you too.’’

[A/N] Hi guys, hope you liked it please leave me feedback and feel free to request anything! Also sorry it's so long haha

It's not really a reaction anymore

[gypinkblack3322]

Talkless

Pairing: x Kennie Notes: This is a joke for one of my friends. We have our own little group and i thought this would be funny. I'm terrible at spelling, so i'm very sorry for mistakes!

The song began to run in your head. The rhythm moved your body and soul. You felt at peace, in this little world of yours, surrounded by the tunes of the music.

Okay maybe that was a very dramatic way of describing it, but you enjoyed music more than anything else. Whenever your mother would turn on the radio when you were younger, you would run to the kitchen and see if it was a song you knew. Music is close to your heart but there is one genre you feel more attached to than others; kpop. The community, the hard work and dedikation, the music - and of course, the pretty idols.

You recently discovered this new group called 'pinkblack' which you really loved. A lot of haters said they were a copy of blackpink, but you supported them. You felt close with all of them, but one of them caught your eye more than the others. Her name was Kennie. She's the oldest, not so far from your age. Her charisma, her dance, her singing- everything just seemed perfect to you. Maybe you had a little crush on her, but who wouldn't? You are just a fan after all.

This week, and this week only. Pinkblack was having their first official fansign, and you just HAD to get there. You could talk to all of them! Maybe shake their hands, but most importantly; you could finally meet Kennie. You're favorite idol of them all. Your stubbornness got the best of you. You had to meet them, no matter the cost.

"Hey! Hey! Y/N! I'm talking to you!" You finally came back to the boring real world. On a café, on a saturday morning. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" you answered your bestfriend. Her name was Tara. You have been friend since childhood when you accidentally sat on her favorite my little pony doll and you ended up fighting. But look at you now, best friends.

"I said: Are you thinking about those kpop idols again?" Sometimes you feel a bit bad for Tara. You always talk to her about kpop, and she always sits down to listen but whenever you talk with her about something she's passionate about, you always zone out.

"Yeah... It's just.. i really want to go." Tara sighed and drank the rest of her coffee before looking you deep in the eyes.

"If you want to go, then go! You have the money, you have the time. Instead of sitting here sulking, go grab your stuff and go for it!" Tara was right. You did have money, not because you were rich, but you always save money for special occasions like this. And you did also have time. It was currently spring brake, not really anything much more to do. "Why are you always right" You began to pack your thing to head home for the rest of the day. "Because i just am" she answered right berfore you walked out the door.

Time went by and you got more and more excited. Finally the day came. You woke up early, you got the tickets, you took a shower and dressed up in the prettiest clothing you could find. You said bye to your mom and hopped on the bus, ready to finally meet your idols.

While sitting on the bus you chatted around with some people, and thought about what to say.

"Hi Kennie, ireallylikeyouandkeepbeingyoubecauseurprettycool"

"No no no, that wont work. Be cool, try and be cool." You said to yourself while starring out the window. Mentally; you screamed. You screamed at yourself. This was not a good idea. You were gonna mess up big time, why did you listen to Tara? Why did you go out when you could be laying in your comfy warm bed?

You looked up and saw that while being in panic, you had arrived. It was a building the town usually had meetings in and such, you have only been here a few times. The panic started to rise when you saw all those people. It was maybe around 100, and for you that seemed like A LOT of people. "You can do this Y/N" You said to yourself and walked inside the room. There was a lot of chairs in front of a small stage with a table on, you got to sit in the middle, which wasen't so bad, you could still see them.

And boy, you lost your breath. They looked cool on your small phone screen, but in persons.... they were gods. Okay maybe not gods, but something pretty close. Before they presented themself, you got a text from Tara.

T: bRING ME SOME PICTURES OF THAT CUTE SMALL ONE Y: wHICH ONE DUDE? THEY ARE LITERALLY ALL SMALL, OKAY MAYBE ONE OF THEM IS TALL BUT DAFUQ" T: JUST TAKE PICTURES OF THE ONE YOU KEEP TELLING ME ABOUT, THE SMALLEST ONE

"Hello everybody and welcome. We are Pinkblack!" You got interrupted by the pinkblack members doing their presentation. They all stood in line before they went to the chair, ready to sign a lot of albums.

The first couple of rows got to go up first. You got a bit jealous seeing them being so close with the members of pinkblack, but you kept reminding yourself that it would be your turn soon.

And that time came way too soon. You walked over to the line, and you could feel the panic begin to kick in. They were so close, you could see them, the time has finally come. The pinkblack members sat in line accourting to age. Hesoo; the youngest. Akosé; the second youngest. Lisi; The second oldest And finally Kennie; the oldest. You of course wanted to meet all of them, but you wanted to get to Kennie.. "Hello sweetie" Hesoo said and smiled. She signed the album and you guys had a small talk about your favorite korean food. "Let's get out and eat some together soon okay? Take care" Hesoo said and smiled. Hesoo was the youngest and pretty funny. She always keeps the mood up- and she likes biting the others, mostly Lisi. "Hellooo, how's it going?" Akosé asked while you gave her the album to sign. Akosé was a bit weird. Sometimes she's the most serious one but mostly she's acting like a 5 year old. Akosé is also pretty close to Kennie, you have seen them together in a lot of clips. When you got to Lisi you could see Kennie. You had eye contact for a second and your heart skipped a beat. She was so pretty up close. You moved over to Kennie, and this was the moment you waited for. She was there, she was real, she was here. You began shaking, this was not happening, no it's just a dream. "Hello, what's your name?" Kennie smiled and took your hand to calm you down. You began screaming inside again, you wanted to tell her a lot of stuff, but your words got stuck in your throat. "I really like your music.... and i think youre really pretty" you managed to spit out. She began to laugh a little, and god that sound was more beautiful in person. "Aww thank you very much, but i didn't get your name" she looked at you patiently. "I'm.. Y/N" You punched yourself mentally for being such a nervous train wreck. "Hey Y/N, nice to meet you. I'm Kennie, thank you for supporting us and showing up today" Her hand clenched a bit around yours. I didn't hurt - it was comforting.

It was over so fast. you couldn't believe yourself. It seemed that you only met for 1 minute. You were sad, you wanted to tell Kennie so many things, but your stupid mind wanted to break down at that moment. "Why am i such a fucking idiot" You said to yourself out loud. You were standing on the street outside the bulding. It was around 45 minutes after the event ended. You just wanted to get home and lay in your bed.

"No you aren't" you heard a voice say behind you, you turned around and there she stood. Kennie. "Oh sorry, i didn't realise you..." you said quietly. "Hey it's okay, i know that a fansign might not be the way you expected it to be" Kennie gave your shoulder a kind pat. "I just wanted to tell you a lot of things, but i panicked" you looked away. You felt like a little child again.

"Well, you seem to be talking fine now. I have a few minutes left before i have to leave, why dont you tell me now?" Kennie smiled again, and you feel deeper down the hole you call 'the love for the one and only Kennie'. You took a deep breath.

"I just wanted to say.. that.. i really support you guys.. i'm so proud of you.. and and... you are just so awesome.. i really really love you" you looked at her for a reaction, it took a few seconds for her to react. "Aww my heart. That's so sweet" You felt a smile form it's way until your lips. "But i love my members and Taeyong. Lol see ya" and then she left.

What did you learn from that? Not much, you still support pinkblack, but you did change your bias to Lisi.

[pendragonfics]

Fearsome Trash Panda

In A Galaxy Not Quite Far Away: Part One | Part Two

Paring: Rocket Racoon & Reader

Tags: gender neutral reader, neutral pronouns, angst, fluff.

Summary:  Three times you and Rocket Racoon get on each other's nerves.

Word Count: 1,867

Posting Date:  2017-05-09

Current Date: 2017-06-18

There’s a fine line between banter and assholery. What a fantastic word, assholery. Sounds like a fantastic to use in public – wait, no. A great word to shout at your close friend after they’ve done something that makes them deserve the Asshole of The Year award. In fact, that’s what you were doing right then, before the assassin Gamora and Drax the Destroyer came and intercepted the fight between you and Rocket that, if they had been seconds away from, you might have hurt him. And he you.

“You never learn!” you kick and throw your arms around, even though Gamora has an iron grip around you, holding you back from tearing the fur from Rocket’s body. “You’re the King of Assholery!”

He barks a laugh. “Like you’re the one to talk.”

Drax gives a low growl, and tightens his hand around Rocket’s midsection. “Enough, fearsome trash panda. The both of you are in the wrong here.”

Let’s back up here. If this was in one of those old movies you’d binge on after a trip to the intergalactic junk yards (alien abductions on Earth are real, and often enough they don’t take people, but really shitty VCRs and crap), there would be a record scratch, and a freeze frame right here. Okay. Now I have your attention, little person who’s reading these words, who probably should be studying but is reading (who am I to judge, I’m just a narrator), here’s the story. In the proper order. Because sometimes, even narrators can get it wrong.

Okay. So, it was just an ordinary day when you were waking up. Turns out that the heaters in Quill’s ship needed fixing, and well, long story short, halfway through the night, your buddy ol’ pal Rocket climbed into your bed to try and get warm. How were you to know he was there?

Strike One: (accidently) tugging on his tail.

Next, the ship needed to fix the problem, because all the Guardians of the Galaxy were warm blooded, and honestly loved to sit in front of the vents when there was nothing else better to do. Groot, especially. Quill took it upon himself to pull into a trading-based planet called Castillo for fuel and machinery parts. Gamora wanted to look out for a new whetstone for her sword (“If I don’t get it, my weapon will be as dull as Drax before his morning coffee”), and Rocket was in the mood to get out from everyone and just roam around. You just wanted to grab something to eat that hadn’t been on the ship for the last month and a half.

Thus, you went with Quill, and while he was bartering for prices with the help of Drax – a.k.a. the best guy to bring along for bartering, because nobody picked a fight against him and kept both arms – you were seeking a nice cup of soup for a nice price.

But halfway through your shopfront crawl, you saw a familiar face from the corner of your eye. For a moment, you swore it was just a trick of the light, but when you turned, you realised it was real. Because Rocket was running along the tops of the markets, and in his arms, had a satchel full of things that were clearly not his. What kind of raccoon would need fluffy socks? Blast. You’d just found a good place that sold soup for a reasonable price, but you were a Guardian, and you were also the good friend of the raccoon who knew better than him to thieve. So here you go, running alongside him, trying to be as inconspicuous as always.

“You come down here now, Rocket!” you whisper-shout over the hubbub of the market as he stopped to scratch his leg. At this, he notices you, and narrows his eyes. “Don’t you give me that look, dude – I can see what’s in your bag.”

“What’s in my bag, then?” He tests you. Stars. It’s like he’s a three-year-old child who acts like they’re the best damn thing that came into the light of the sun.

Crossing your arms, you do all in your power to not shout at him. “I know you have enough credits on you to buy your own things, and if you bought what’s in the bag, you’d be walking on the ground down here!” You accuse.

He huffs. “That’s big talk from a big person.”

“I’m normal sized!” you retort, “You’re just little.” you grind your teeth, annoyed at the antics he was going to. “Don’t make me bring the others into this. Just return that stuff to who owns it, and I’m taking you back to the ship.”

Rocket shakes his head. “It’s my stuff. I got receipts, but I ain’t gonna show you ‘em.”

“Fine! But this is on your head. You remember what happened last time with the batteries.” You remind him, and stalk back to the ship.

Strike two: public display of tension.

Fast forward an hour later, and you’re reading in your bedroom on the ship. Quill was ever so nice to allow everyone a separate room on his spaceship – before it had been the availability for bunkbeds, and it was just your luck to get the one under Drax. He sure liked to let off hot air when he slept. After clearing out a couple of rooms, you now had a room to yourself, decorated with your favourite Terran celebrities on posters – you had a picture of Phoebe from F.R.I.E.N.D.S with her smelly cat, and an old finger painting you did that looked a little like Starry Night if you looked at it at a certain angle, closed one eye, and then the other one.

In your room, you check the bed before sitting, down, just to make sure you’re not going to make the mistake of sitting on Rocket again. Stars, that was embarrassing. The way he’d look at you, like you were some sort of radical raccoon-hater. You were impartial to racoons. Back on earth, your country didn’t even have them, and all it took was a crazy alien abduction and there you were, in outer space, meeting a talking raccoon. Saturday cartoons had nothing on you.

But here you were, trying to read the book you picked up a couple of stops ago, but it turned out you’d just bought a manual for how to launch a rocket into outer space manual, published in 1989. It wasn’t like you’d need to know that. You just wanted to read something nice. Like a romance, or a fun buddy-buddy sort of feel-good book that made your insides feel like melted butter all over the place.

And for some reason, Rocket was in his room next door and was blasting something that you wouldn’t call music. What was it with alien music that just made you want to clench your fist and shake it in the air? It was an already terrible day, and you just couldn’t help yourself.

So, standing, you march to his room, and bash on his door.

“Turn that terrible music down, Rocket,” you yell. “Or I’ll turn it down for you!”

The door opens a crack, “Ooh, I’m shaking in my shoes, you’re so scary.” He mocks. “Make me.”

Stars! He was just asking for it! It was then you push the door open all the way, and all but stomp over him to the sound system, and pull the plugs from the mainframe. Mid-sentence, the song ends, and there’s a slight ringing in your ears from where the absence of the terrible noise, almost a white noise.

Strike three: the stereo.

Which, my dear little person who’s reading the story, brings us back to the fateful beginning to our darling little story. Assholery. Turns out that the both of you were great at that, and that’s what you two were bickering and bantering about before the pair of you held back by Gamora and Drax.

“You never learn!” you kick and throw your arms around, even though Gamora has an iron grip around you, holding you back from tearing the fur from Rocket’s body. “You’re the King of Assholery!”

He barks a laugh. “Like you’re the one to talk.”

Drax gives a low growl, and tightens his hand around Rocket’s midsection. “Enough, fearsome trash panda. The both of you are in the wrong here.”

You still in Gamora’s arms. “Both? I mean, yeah, I pulled on his tail by accident, but that music – it was terrible! It was an assault to everyone who could hear it!” you protest. “Gamora, back me on this.”

“Nope.” She shakes her head, and you feel something drop inside your chest. “Drax is right. And Rocket, you can play whatever music you like, but volume like that is out of the question.” She snaps at the raccoon.

Rocket makes a face. “You’re not my mom!”

Drax makes a noise. “She is not, but I am. I am your mom from now on.” He gives a grin to Gamora, and returns to scowl at Rocket. “Now, Rocket, this is no way to behave on a birthday.”

You pause. “Birthday? Whose birthday is it?”

A fine time like always, Quill arrives, holding a box with a slightly bent bow on the top. “It’s yours, asshole. Can’t believe you forgot. I had Rocket go out and grab a few things for me while I was in the store, but then of course, you two had to fight about it.” He turns to Rocket. “I returned the poor guy’s pacemaker, Rocket.” He gives him a look that suggests an oncoming lecture, but Peter relents. “Happy birthday, ________!”

Gamora lets her arms relax to her sides. “Happy birthday.”

You advance toward Peter, and taking the box in your hands, turn to Rocket, who is still firmly in Drax’s grip. “I – I’m sorry I did all that stupid stuff.” You look to the box, and back to Rocket. “Dude?”

He gives you a little smile. “I’m sorry too. But open the damn present! I busted my tail for it! And paid quite a pretty price to get them to wrap it all nice and crap.” He motions for Drax to let him go, and at once, he climbs up and sits on Drax’s head. “C’mon, I don’t have all day!”

You crack a smile, and open the box.

Inside, sits a book. The cover isn’t too creased, and as you get it out, there’s a decent number of pages in it to be a good read. The wording on the cover is in English, too! The book is called Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. You turn to the Guardians of the Galaxy, and give a big grin. “How did I forget my birthday?” you ask, feeling tears welling up in your eyes. “Damn, you’ve made me cry. I’m supposed to be the navigator, not the emotional one! That’s Quill’s job.”

“Hey!” he protests.

You look to Rocket. “You got the book for me?” you ask.

He nods. “Yep. Looked like your kind of thing.”

Without looking away, you nod. “Yeah. My kind of thing.”

>> COMPANION PIECE 

[thi5mu5tb3th3pl4ce]

🍌5.04 beware of a lil sadness

BP

I could feel my eyes glistening as I read your descriptions of the films you just watched. I would have enjoyed watching every minute of both films, even more so with you beside me. I’m really glad you enjoyed them and were able to pick up great insights. I definitely agree on what you said about Filipinos vs. Filipino-Americans—there is, also figuratively, a world of difference. I was reminded of the problem I had with “Crazy Rich Asians”. The portrayal of Asians there will always horrifyingly unrealistic, because the writer was Asian-American and no matter how much they want to fight for visibility, at the end of the day, they did not work hard enough to achieve authenticity. Probably a result of innate entitlement brought by their American half. Or maybe I’m just a hater.

This day was not great. It does not come naturally for me to speak accurately about how I feel whenever the feeling is anything sad. I am realizing now that in the past few years, I have lost the ability to allow myself to be that comfortable around people. I wanted to talk about it with you on the phone, but all I could do was tear up several times, tell you how much I missed you, and change the topic. I would be on the brink of saying something about it, but a voice in my head would go, “Don’t ruin a nice trip.” But I know you, you are always so ready to be there for me and protect me from my own irrational, anxiety-driven thoughts. Still, at least through typing this, you have the option of reading this at a better time, maybe at the end of the day when you are home and resting and not first thing in the morning.

Nothing terrible happened, I just felt like I was covered in a blanket of mild depression as I woke up. Maybe it was the fever, maybe it was the mood swings brought by my period. But I know now that it is because of something deeper. Talking to you for a bit and seeing you gave me ease in that moment. 

I went out for a jog because I thought it could bring my temperature down. Subconsciously, though, it may have been for a different reason. My Tita was having breakfast with my mom when I went downstairs. The last time I saw her was in 2017. She pointed out how I was much thinner back then. Although she didn’t mean it in a bad way, nor is that generally supposed to be a true insult, for some reason I found myself sprinting around the UP oval despite having a 38.2 degree fever. I hate it. Why did I let her do that to me? Why would I let anyone do that to me? It reminded me of a time a few years ago when I overheard a bunch of actors “ranking” the women in the crew, and when someone mentioned my name, one of them said “hindi talaga siya maganda, eh” and I pretended not to care. If I really didn’t care, why did I completely change my hair and start to wear more makeup soon after that day? I hate this. At the end of the day, the way I look should be the least of my problems. I don’t even know why I devoted a whole paragraph to this. Maybe it’s my super-secret, very deep insecurity (which I shared with you) of not being ____ enough. This goes beyond my appearance. I should stop worrying about that.

I realized the true reason for my sadness when we drove past the gates of the cemetery. It’s that time of the year....a year ago, I was in grief. What’s fucked up is that maybe I actually wasn’t, I was burying it deep down under a pile of work and a responsibility to be the one consoling my mother and my brother (who was my Lola’s favorite).

My Lola died first, then Nana died a few months later in July. Two mother figures I have lived with since birth died in one year, and I feel like I haven’t cried about it enough to this day.

I had a vision as a drove into the cemetery. About a year ago on the morning of my Lola’s funeral, my mom told me she couldn’t bring herself to do the eulogy. My brother can never be bothered to do anything like that. I had to do it. I did not want to fucking do it, I was not prepared. But I had to.

While everyone was preparing for the mass, I went out of the chapel (which was by the entrance of the cemetery) and walked around the entire park out of nervousness. I was walking around and pacing like an idiot. I was trying to memorize the speech I had typed in my phone in bullet points. My feet were taking me somewhere but my mind was in panic mode, trying to make sure I would be concise in whatever I had to say. I was looking down at my feet the whole time I was walking and thinking. I eventually looked up and found myself at the other end of the park, at my Lolo’s grave. My Lola was to be buried beside him there.

I walked back, gave the speech, it went okay. I was not satisfied but I was definitely glad it was over. 

Just a month later, Nana went from a strong, feisty old lady to being weak and immobile. She started going in and out of the hospital, and I would be the one driving. She took care of my mom since birth, and she took care of my brother and I the same way. When my parents split up and times were hard, we didn’t need to spend on maids to take care of us and the house because we had Nana. Our family was indebted to her in ways that can be too painful to grasp now that she is gone.

She saw me through different phases of my life, especially the worst ones. She would open the gate for me at 4am, either drunk or wired. She would ask me where I had been and I would lie to her every single time. 

I remember when we were asking each other those questions when you slept over one time, and one of them was “What was the saddest day of your life?” I answered my suicide attempt, but honestly, that was only second. The saddest moment of my life has yet to uncover and process fully. These memories of last year are still buried deep, and I haven’t been able to talk about any of this with any friend (except for Celest, but even with her, everything I told her was just at surface-level).

On the last day Nana came home from the hospital, we thought she would be okay. We were already somewhat relieved, as we were on our toes the past few weeks. I came over to where she was staying (just right beside our house, at her sister’s apartment). I knocked on the door and her sister answered. I told her I was gonna come by to see her before I left for work, and her sister told me not to go upstairs and just come back tomorrow because she looked tired (after work, I had plans to go to Fete with Sel). I didn’t bother insisting, I just immediately ran to work.

At Fete, an hour in to my 1/4acid trip, I got a call from my mom. Nana had died. I could have seen her for one last time that morning, but I chose not to.

I am confident that getting my heart broken in any form will never hurt as bad as this. My heart was broken, and it will always be.

I couldn’t cry during Fete. Things never process immediately for me. We left and just spent the rest of the night at our friend’s house in Antipolo. I cried like a baby when I got home, and woke up with my eyes thrice its size. 

I wrote and posted an entry that night (I took it down right away).

Lost 2 moms already this year, my lola died a few months ago, and in the middle of Fete tonight I got a call that Nana was gone too. She took care of me since literally the day I was born. From every day that I was playing in her room when I was a kid, to my pissy pre-pubescent days, to my fucked up college days, to whoever the fuck I am right now. I still aint fuckin shit and she didn’t even live to see me in a nice version of myself, and a nice version of myself would have been the most proper way to say thank you to her for her literal blood, sweat and tears for me and my family. Hating yourself or obsessing over how inadequate you are isn’t an excuse to just sit there. You have to do better. It’s not for yourself anymore. It’s so you can present yourself to the people who raised you and those who love and care for you in a way that reflects how good they were to you. It’s for them. Just do better.

Most of my regrets come from my grief. I feel stuck in a limbo of grieving and feeling numb. So today, yes, it must have been the fever or the PMS, but more than either of that, it is the fact that it is only after a year that I am realizing that I am not okay.

If I knew you at the time, I’m sure I would have behaved differently. I would have allowed myself to feel because you would bug me to. Instead, I was tied to a now-irrelevant man who not only failed to help, but made everything worse.

I’m sorry for the length and the tone. All of this was basically a summary of my day—my brain getting lost in painful memories I refused to go back to, on top of other relatively trivial matters, like future unemployment and just not being satisfied with myself at all. I genuinely thought it was PMS, though. Its effects on my mood can get to horrible lengths. My suicide attempt was on the third day of my period. Not that I will kill myself, it’s just that I am at my most unstable at this time of the month. But I promise I try my hardest to make it out alive, no matter how deep I am buried in darkness.

My crewmates will be invading my house in a few hours. I guess this could be a good thing. After all, they were there for me last year more than my ex was. We shot a lot of sequences at my Lola’s house when we couldn’t find any other location. They appreciated her, and they also were able to meet Nana several times. Perhaps they are who I need to be with tonight, instead of getting drunk on my own.

I hope the beauty of being in a festival celebrating my favorite medium (*CINEMAAAAHHHH*) and the pride of seeing your music videos screen in front of an audience will lift you up from this very pensive entry. I know it will for me. I am extremely proud of you. If I were there, my eyes would be filled with stars watching your video play, and watching you watch it play.

The only thing reeling me out of my terrible memories is the present moment of being in love with you. A day will never me completely terrible for me because I have you in my life. And with that, I am a much cheesier cloth than you are.

Anna

[maddielivesinbooks]

Well folks I’m back, and I have something to say: I am a flop, and this reading blog is proof of that. For Spring Break, I challenged myself to read six books in week. It did not go well. So, without any further ado, here is my Week In Reading #2.

Monday, April 1

Happy April Fool’s! Today I read a whole book! Just kidding! April Fool’s. I forgot to take note of anything I read today. Mainly because I barely read anything. Let’s recap the day.

11:00 AM: I sleep in because I have no plans for the day. When I get out of bed, I begin to look for food and decided that for breakfast I need to make cheesy pasta dish. Maybe I’ll turn on the audiobook I have, Bowlaway by Elizabeth McCracken. Ha! Why would I do that? It’s not like it’s one of my most anticipated books of the year! I listen to podcasts, despite the fact that this book is due in four days and there are nine people waiting for it.

12:00 PM: My food wasn’t that good and I kind of feel sick. Naturally, I nap and sort of listen to Bowlaway. What’s it about, you ask? To that I say, um I don’t know, bowling? I like it, and the writing is super nice and pretty but the plot is kind of lost on me.

3:00 PM: After hours of doing nothing, I finally pick up a book, The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater. You know one, the book I have been working on for two weeks, even though I’ve already read it twice. That good news is, it’s very good and I think I’ll finish it. The bad news is, I don’t think that’ll happen now because my cat has appeared on my lap and is munching on the pages and getting hair all over it.

5:00 PM: I did it! I finished the book. I loved it. Just like I did when I read it April of 2017, and February of 2018. Now I should probably read something new, like one of the seven library books I brought home with me for spring break.

6:00 PM: I listen to Bowlaway while on the treadmill. I still don’t get what’s happening.

Bedtime PM: What the heck did I do all night? I don’t know. Eat, probably. Listen to podcasts, probably.  Bother my cat, probably. Not listen to Bowlaway, probably.

  Tuesday April 2

10:AM: Good morning fans and haters! Today I am going to be productive. I am going to read, I am going to exercise, I am going to cook, I am going read. I start the day scrambling eggs, and you guessed it, listening to podcasts. Bowlaway? I don’t know her.

I also go to my grandma’s to do some cleaning. While there, I listen to my audiobook for about five minutes, before deciding it would be better to listen to a podcast. Whose surprised? Not me.

1:00 PM: Once home, I start another book, We Set The Dark On Fire by. I’ve been anticipating this book for a while, so I’m actually excited to read it. I’m hooked immediately. The story is action packed, and the world is compelling. I pretty much figure out who the love interest is right when they first appear, and I’m super into this f/f romance.

2:00 PM: I turn on Bowlaway and fall asleep.

4:00 PM: I read more of We Set the Dark, and actually get through a big chunk of it. It’s not my favorite thing, but it’s quick and easy.

5:00 PM: Its dinner time, and I volunteer to cook. My family is big into healthy eating, so I make a Shepherd’s Pie with ground turkey and mashed cauliflower. I don’t know why I’m including this, maybe just to brag, because I can assure you that all I did while cooking was listen to podcasts.

Bedtime PM: Once again, I do not know what I did all night. I read a lot of my book, and listened to Bowlaway. I really need to hurry up with this audiobook because its due on Friday and I am only four hours in. Despite not knowing what’s happening, I actually dig it. I mean, there’s a character named Louetta Mood! Incredible.

Wednesday April 3

8:AM-9:PM: I wake up, feeling like death warmed over. Apparently, my body is weak and lets in whatever germs it wants. Unfortunately, I have dedicated myself to spending the day with my grandmother. We shop and get lunch, and after I almost lay down and take nap on the floor of Kohl’s, we go to the walk-in.

We head home late in the afternoon, and I’m armed with tissues, nasal spray and a venti green tea. Even though I just want to sleep, I try to read my book, and listen to Bowlaway. Only *spoiler alert* when you are feeling feverish, a book about bowling and the Great Molasses Flood isn’t actually ideal. I watch Bob’s Burgers instead.

Thursday April 4

10:00 AM: After a good night’s sleep, several doses of nasal spray and enough Dayquil to make me forget what happened on last night’s Survivor, I am feeling a little better. In fact, I finish We Set The Dark On Fire in the morning. And I’m super conflicted. It follows our main character, Dani, after she graduates a school that trains women to be wives and marries a power-hungry military man. She becomes a spy for a resistance group, and the story continues from there. I liked a lot of it, mainly the fast pace, the parallels to our modern border crisis, and especially the incredible hate-to-love lesbian romance. That being said, I didn’t find this super memorable, and thought the characters were one dimensional. Its a solid three star read.

1:00 PM: I am now confronted with the fact that Bowlaway is due tomorrow and I am just over halfway through it. I try to buckle down. I turn it on 2x speed and listen to it while I do chores, eat lunch and hang out with my cat. The thing is, it’s not keeping my interest. The two characters I like best, Louetta Mood and Joe Ware are being featured less and less. I’m having trouble following the plot lines and family connections. Still, I like it enough, and I’ve gotten this far.

3:00 PM: I give up on the audiobook. I know, I’m a loser, but I vow to get back to it, and all of my two fans must hold me accountable. I reach for Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno instead, and though I am only one chapter in, I adore it. It follows twins Georgina and Mary, who come from a line of magical women. They’re family runs an inn on the island of By-the-Sea, also home to Annabel, a rare bird.

6:00 PM: Summer of Salt might be my favorite read of the year.

7:00 PM: Summer of Salt has a cute lesbian romance and an adorable, socially awkward boy who loves birds.

9:00 PM: Summer of Salt discusses rape culture in a smart and beautiful way. Please read Summer of Salt, even though I am not even finished with it yet.

Friday April 5

10:00 AM-3:00 PM: Here’s the thing: I don’t really know what I do all morning and afternoon. I read, but I don’t keep track. I mourn the loss of Bowlaway, which has been returned. My Brother, My Brother, and Me plays all day long.

3:00 PM: My evening plans are thrilling. My cousins and I are ordering Cracker Barrel take-out (we can’t go in because one of us has beef with our local old country store). We’re going to eat and play games. I am genuinely excited.

We get the largest take-out bag I have ever seen, and feast on biscuits and hashbrown casserole and Coca-Cola cake. I don’t read, so this is all irrelevant. Just wanted to remind everyone that Cracker Barrel really hits the spot sometimes (sponsor me).

10:00 PM: This is around the time I get home, and I don’t read before bed. Just sleep. Bye.

Saturday April 6

9:00 AM: Today, I have a lot of plans that don’t include reading. I have to get some groceries to take back to school with me, meet up with some friends to get our nails done, and then we’re getting lunch. So, no reading.

4:00 PM: It’s almost time to read! First I decided to take some pictures for Instagram and for this blog. I get out my whole Raven Boys collection and my current read and throw them on the nice, fluffy rug in my parents house. The pictures are looking okay, but they’re nothing special. Guess who shows up to save the photoshoot? That’s right, its Tickles the cat!

She loves to read! These pictures are proof that my cat read more than me this week. Also, her favorite Raven Cycle character is Ronan. She wishes she was as tough as him.

5:30 PM: I’m reading now! Y’all, Summer of Salt is wonderful. I’m putting off finishing it because I am not ready to leave these characters and their island and their bird. Also, I am in love with Harrison. Deeply.

6:30 PM: Okay I stopped reading but for good reason. This book inspired to just pick up my laptop and start a play about a boy whose baked goods are magical. Yay!

7:30 PM: My laptop freezes. I’m not sure my work is saved. Its annoying, but I still have my ideas saved away in my head. Also, I need to pack to go back to school tomorrow.

9:00 PM: Packing is quicker than expected, but the bad news is, I am a trash person who decided to turn on American freakin Idol instead of reading. Sorry, I have a weakness for cute, singing boys (looking at you, Walker. Vote for him and Jeremiah!).

10:30 PM: Its bedtime. My book is not finished, but I sure am. Boy is it draining to get your nails done and eat enchiladas and cry at boys on American Idol.

Sunday April 7

I don’t read a single thing today because I was too busy at church. I love the Lord. Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ will come again, and so will my interest in reading.

I also head back to school and do not read because it makes me carsick. Tragic.

The end

I am a flop. Sure, I finished two books, but I was already like ¾ of the way through one of them. Also, I let Bowlaway go without even putting up a fight. But let’s focus on the positives.

I recovered from my 55th cold of 2019

I ate enchiladas

I ate everything from Cracker Barrel

My cat is cute

Thanks for reading! Add me on Goodreads, follow me on Instagram and Twitter!

P.S I finished Summer of Salt on Monday and loved it. Also this is incredibly late because COLLEGE GETS BUSY SOMETIMES.

Breaking: Local Idiot Fails Her Own Challenge|Reading Blog #2 Well folks I’m back, and I have something to say: I am a flop, and this reading blog is proof of that.

[akemilena]

SolidS Vol. 2 track 1 translation

OPドラマ「異論は認めない」

OP Drama “Objections won’t be allowed”

Translation index ||  Track 2

Shiki: Therefore, it’s kind of sudden, but after today’s job we’ll all be moving into a dorm.

Tsubasa: Huh!?

Dai: ‘Kay.

Rikka: Roger. I’ve been ready for that for a long time, but still, to be told on the same day that we’re moving is really sudden, Shiki.

Shiki: It seems the communication between the contractor and the office didn’t go well. I’m sorry, Rikka. I sent you a mail with the address and map of the dorm a while ago. I have the keys for each of the rooms. This is Dai’s, Rikka’s, and Tsubasa’s. The rooms have the minimal furniture needed so you can sleep. For clothes and daily necessities, go back home tomorrow to take them. If there’s something else you absolutely need, you can buy it on your own, but don’t forget to take the receipt. In addition, big furniture and personal belongings will be moved later, and the office will manage depending on the burden. Each one will talk with the manager and decide a schedule. That’s all. Any questions?

Tsubasa: Yes!! Yes yes yes!!

Shiki: I won’t accept any objections.

Tsubasa: I haven’t said anything yet!!

Shiki: *sigh* What.

Tsubasa: Moving into a dorm and all this, I don’t like it.

Shiki: I’ll say it again: I won’t accept any objections. Well then, everyone, get your luggage-

Tsubasa: Wait, wait, wait!! Don’t decide things by yourself! At least consult us in advance!

Shiki: It’s written on the contract.

Tsubasa: Eh?

Rikka: It is written, yes.

Shiki: Incidentally, I did an additional explanation too but you just brushed it off with a “yeah yeah I get it I’ll leave the details to you”.

Dai: You brushed it off, yep.

Tsubasa: Guh…

Shiki: And so, you have no room for excuses. If you learn from this experience, next time you’ll read properly the contract and then sign it. If you were an adult, though.

Tsubasa: Y-you… Tyrant producer!

Rikka: Now, now, Tsubasa. Calm down.

Shiki: I’m sorry I couldn’t contact you earlier, though. But considering the future schedule and the balance with Tsubasa’s exam period, today was the only possible day.

Tsubasa: Can you not make it sound like it’s my fault??

Dai: An idol repeating a year, huh.

Tsubasa: I still haven’t!! Don’t say things that harm my reputation!

Shiki: Each one will have a private room. Housing expenses, including utility costs, will be handled by the agency. It’s located in the metropolitan area, and it’s well-communicated. You shouldn’t have any difficulties for commuting to school, either. Do you have any problem?

Tsubasa: I have a lot!!

Rikka: Could it be that your parents are against it?

Tsubasa: Ah, no, that’s not a problem… Our family’s all about self-responsibility.  Everyone’s free to do what they want. And even if that wasn’t the case, I’m already an adult, and actually I’m living alone right now.

Shiki: Then, what? Do you think you’ll get homesick or something?

Tsubasa: Don’t make fun of me!

Shiki: What is it that you don’t like?

Tsubasa: Ugh… If I had to say, it’s your attitude.

Dai: Are you a child?

Tsubasa: Shut up, Dai-chan! You know that I hate when people decide things for me!!

Dai: Don’t call me Dai-chan. Isn’t it fine, a dorm? And looks like it’s close to your university, too.

Rikka: Oh! That’s true. This place looks like it’ll be very convenient, Tsubasa.

Dai: Anyway, you only go home to sleep at this point, right? It will only change the place where you sleep.

Tsubasa: That’s the big problem!! It’s about our own living and they’re managing and deciding for us! Don’t you have to say anything about it, Dai?

Dai: Not really. I heard about it in advance.

Tsubasa: You traitor!

Dai: I don’t remember being your ally.

Tsubasa: But dormitory life is annoying, if you think about it!

Dai: I have never experienced it so I don’t know.

Rikka: Oh! It’s your first time living alone!

Tsubasa: And you, Rikka? Are you fine with living in a dorm?

Rikka: Me? Yep! I don’t really have any problems. Rather, I’m almost grateful. When my schedule gets too full, going back home every time becomes bothersome.

Shiki: Living in a dorm has many more advantages. I’ve been in the Tsukino dorm since my debut, but you can live without worrying about fan’s ambushes or hater’s harassment. It’s comfortable.

Rikka: Ah, that’s surely great.

Tsubasa: What’s with that entertainer-like statement…

Shiki: Not “like”. Also, this is not “someone else’s problem” to you anymore.

Dai: Shiki, I want to ask just in case, but harassment… like what?

Shiki: Hm… If we talk about daily things, following you, taking secret photos...

Rikka: Also, let’s see… to look for your things in a garbage dump, or put various things in the post… for example?

Tsubasa: Geh…

Dai: Seriously…

Shiki: We’re lucky we only get that. There’s times it gets worse and escalates, and ends up being a matter for the police.

Tsubasa: Ugh… Don’t scare us!

Shiki: It’s the truth.

Rikka: Also… Going back every day to a dark, lonely room, exhausted… it affects you mentally, too. I didn’t like that, so there’s been many times I’ve stayed overnight at work. Living in a dorm is more than welcome.

Shiki: In a dorm, there’s always someone’s presence.

Tsubasa: Ngh… but… Looks like we won’t have any privacy in a dorm, and our movements will be limited. That’s what I really don’t like! My mind hates being restricted, and it’s going to scream!

Shiki: Your privacy as well as your mind don’t matter.

Tsubasa: That’s the most important point!

Dai: Are you such a delicate soul?

Rikka: And you, Dai? Is there anything that worries you? I think Shiki will explain it to your parents, but… if there’s anything else, it’s better to say it now.

Dai: Not really, I’m fine. My parents were okay with it, too. Rather, they were happy because the food expenses will decrease.

Rikka: I see. Then that’s good. If you have any trouble, tell me or Shiki ASAP, okay?

Dai: … ‘Kay.

Shiki: Well then, shall we go to work?

Tsubasa: Ahhh, I worked hard today too!! Working very hard for a day, but the place you go back it’s not your home, but a dorm… Aahh~

Rikka: *laughs* Good work, Tsubasa. I’m sure you’ll get used to living in the dorm, too. Tomorrow we have plans since morning, so you’ll see the benefits of living there soon. Er, Shiki, the first interview in the morning was pretty early, right?

Shiki: Yeah, 7 am. Hey, Tsubasa, even if the dorm is close to the work place, don’t oversleep.

Tsubasa: Eeeh, darling, you’ll wake me up, right?

Shiki: Not sleeping is also an option, honey.

Dai: Ah, I should’ve brought my pillow.

Tsubasa: Eh? Dai-chan, were you the type of person that can’t sleep without their pillow?

Dai: It’s not that I can’t sleep, but if it’s too tall my neck hurts.

Rikka: When that happens, you can roll a towel and use it as a substitute.

Tsubasa: Oh! As expected from Rikka, the person in the business who can sleep anywhere! Nice advice! *gasp* Now that I think about it, I forgot too! Today’s pants! I was planning to buy them on the way…

Shiki: Is that a word you yell out loud…

Tsubasa: Agh, at this hour shops are already closed… Shit, I wanted to buy super expensive pants and get the receipt…

Dai: What kind of pants are those… Even if you say expensive, there’s a limit!

Tsubasa: There are some high-brand ones that are about 10,000 yen?

Dai: Seriously?!

Shiki: *sigh* You could endure for a day. There’s enough with a conbini one.

Tsubasa: Pants, pants~ Oh! There they are.

Dai: Can I buy a t-shirt to use it as sleep-wear?

Shiki: Yeah, no problem. It isn’t very pricey.

Dai: Thanks.

Tsubasa: Eww, there’s only white t-shirts…

Dai: You complain too much.

Tsubasa: But you won’t wear this again, right? It’s actually a waste!

Dai: They’ll buy it for you so it’s fine, anyway.

Tsubasa: Oh? And you, Rikka? Won’t buy any pants?

Rikka: Ah, no. I’m fine.

Shiki: Hm? You don’t need to hold back.

Rikka: No, it’s not that.

Tsubasa: *gasp* Could it be… nudism?! Are you the type that likes to feel the sheets with your bare skin?!

Rikka: *laughs* That’s not it! I brought a spare pair of underwear.

Dai: How well-prepared are you…

Rikka: I thought today we’d finish late… Sometimes, when I don’t feel like going home, I stay at hotels too. That’s why, when I think it’s going to get late, I prepare it in advance.

Tsubasa: Bringing your own underwear, huh…

Dai: As expected of a model.

Rikka: Um… it’s kind of embarrassing when you get so interested…

Dai: Oh!

Tsubasa: Hm? What’s wrong, Dai-chan?

Dai: This song…

Tsubasa: Oooh! That’s our song!

Shiki: I made them put a considerable amount of effort in the promotion.

Dai: It’s the first time I hear it outside… it’s kind of weird.

Tsubasa: Eh, really? We’re so cool!

Shiki: Of course.

Tsubasa: Oh? Surprising. You aren’t being modest or anything.

Shiki: It’s you guys that we’re talking about. I chose you because I knew it’d work. There’s no way we wouldn’t be cool.

Tsubasa: O-oh, is that so…

Dai: Y-yeah…

Rikka: *giggles*

Dai: I wonder how many people are listening to this now.

Rikka: Makes you think about it, eh? That we really did debut.

Shiki: Now after all this time?

Tsubasa: *laughs* You really have no emotions, or rather, you can’t read the mood!

Rikka: *laughs* This is very like him. Compared to Shiki, I’m very sentimental. Debuting, moving to a dormitory… I felt like “Ah, it’s really starting”. It’s kind of embarrassing, in a good way. The story of SolidS, us, is finally starting, and it makes me happy.

Shiki: Well, it is kind of a start point.

Again, I’m counting on you, guys.

Tsubasa: Shiki…

Rikka: Yes, likewise. Take care of us, leader. The others too, I’m counting on you.

Tsubasa: Roger! Well, let’s go without reservations. No pretense or superficiality, yeah? Let’s pay attention to each other and quarrel a lot, but let’s have fun.

Dai: You said it. Please take care of me.

Shiki: Well then, shall we go? To our new home.

Translation index ||  Track 2

TL notes:

HELLO I’M BACK I’M SO SORRY IT’S BEEN SO LONG!!!!!

Finally volume 2 \o/ the famous darling/honey is here, and let me tell you it’s here to stay (they’re still saying it as of now)

In case you didn’t know (tho you probably do), they’re getting an anime!!! we’re going to see them moving!!!! I can’t believe it I’m so happy ;_;

No special TL notes about this track but if there’s some awkward-sounding sentences I’m sorry... please feel free to point out any mistakes!!

Thanks as always to my proofreader, what would I do without you ;_;