#sorry honey the illuminati was out to get me

[ventingblacklist]

[dcbutinamrev]

AmRev as Iconic Vines To Lighten Up Your Day

(Sorry I had too- )

Hamilton: AH!

Lafayette: Stop could have made me drop my croissant!

Tilghman: *sleeps*

Meade: *pours water on Tilghman*

Tilghman: Hello?

Lafayette: Dad look it’s the good kush!

Washington: This is the dollar store how good could it be?

Hamilton to Laurens: Country boy, I love you, blech.

Meade: *throws frisbee*

Tilghman: What the fuck Richard?

Washington: No. No off topic questions. No. Permission denied. No. You have been stopped-

Andre to Hamilton: You have a beautiful smile.

Hamilton: Thanks. You’re not that handsome.

Andre: Wow. Thanks-

Madison: And they were roommates

Jefferson: Oh my God, they were roommates

Washington: Every time you yell at your kids, put a quarter in your no yelling sock and soon you’ll have a weapon-

Lafayette: Road work ahead? Uh, yeah. I sure hope it does-

Jefferson: I keep telling you man, you gotta stop lettin people walk over you.

Hamilton: *wheezes* Okay-

Laurens: *weirdly walks down the hall*

H. Laurens: *sighs with disappointment*

Betsey: Mom, I got something to tell you…

Catherine Schuyler: What is it honey?

Betsey: I got an A-BOR-TION

Fitzgerald: Ha ha. I do that-

Meade: Hi welcome to chili’s

Harrison: When there’s too much drama at school, all you got to do is, walk away-yay-yay

Hamilton: If there are any spirits here tonight…tell me…do I sound like Shikera? *makes weird noises*

Judge Woodhull: 911 is it an emergency?

Abe Woodhull: No!

Judge Woodhull: Then…what is it?

Abe: I…It’s digiorno-

Philip: Hey, Ma. Say who wants lasagna

Betsey: Who wants lasagna? *trips*

Hamilton: *starts talking*

Laurens: Uh, I’m not finished. Let’s get started.

Hamilton: *talking*

Laurens: Oh my God. Can you please just let me do it-

Peggy: Hey guys look at this dress my Mom bought me. SIKE! IT’S A JUMPSUIT! YOU WERE FOOLED! HA HA HA!

Hamilton: Hey, bro what do you want to eat?

Laurens: *the souls of the innocent- * A bagel *No!* Two bagels

Jefferson: There’s only one thing worst than a rapist. Boom.

Adams: A child.

Jefferson: No-

Jefferson: You can’t sit with us

Hamilton: Actually, Jefferson, I can’t sit anywhere. I have hemorrhoids

Tallmadge: Hey everybody so today Bradford pushed me so I’m starting a kick starter to put him down

*picture of Bradford*

Tallmadge: The benefits of killing him would be I would get pushed way less-

Samuel Seabury: Someone in our apartment has been killed. Please help-

King George III: Calm down. Don’t want a panic at the disco-

Hamilton and Jefferson: *fighting*

Madison: Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle-

Continentals at the Redcoats: Look at all those chickens!

Kinloch: Oh sorry I fell asleep while I was waiting on you to make me a sandwich!

Laurens: Go back to sleep and starve

Charles Lee: Basically I um…what I was thinking was—

Laurens: *punches Charles Lee*

Charles Lee: Aw, fuck man. I can’t believe you’ve done this-

Washington: Put that candy back. I’m not buying you all that mess Oh. Try me.

*Who’s that Pokémon?*

Mulligan: IT’S PIKACHU!

*It’s Clefairy!*

Mulligan: FUCK!

Brewster: I’m JOHN CENA! *blows flutes through nose*

Anna Strong: Ben is that a weed?

Tallmadge: No this is a crayon-

Strong: I’m calling the police!

*illuminati theme plays*

Laurens at Charles Lee: What the fuck is up Charles! No what you say? What the fuck dude? Step the fuck up!

Laurens: He just dropped and was just smacked the lip just…wha-pow! Dropped down said braaa

Hamilton: Hurricane Katrina! More like hurricane tortilla!

Harrison: Do you ever like wake up and do like do not do something and you’re just like: What the fuck is going on?

Woodhull: You don’t know what is good! *weird moves* You don’t know me! You don’t know me!

Meade: If you want to play baseball, you got to be the baseball

Hamilton: I thought you were bae. Turns out just you were just fam.

Laurens: Bro!

Hamilton: *walks away*

Tallmadge: A nice typical American dinner

Billy Lee:

Tallmadge: *screeches*

Adams: How about the four shelf, want to hit that-

Hamilton: Shut the f— up.

Laurens: *does something awesome in battle*

Hamilton: That was legitness

Hamilton: something she said-

Betsey: *laughs*

Hamilton: I like that laugh. *mimics laugh*

Laurens: We just love working here. We all have a lot of laughs. Fuck off Hamilton. I’m not going to your fucking baby shower.

Laurens: Hey I’m gay

Lafayette: I thought you were American?

Hamilton: Did you wash the dishes?

Laurens: I thought you wanted to do that?

Hamilton: *laughs* You were wrong

Peggy: Mom, I know you don’t have a lot of money so it’s okay if you by me sketchers for school.

Catherine Schuyler: *snorts* What are those?

Tallmadge: Excuse me? Can I get a cup of cofffe? Black?

Billy Lee: Can’t you see me talking?

Hamilton: How do you know what’s good for me?!

Washington: THAT’S MY OPINION!

The other aides: *blinks*

*Hamilton trying to convince Washington to let him go to South Carolina*

Washington: You can’t go. No. Sorry you can’t go-

Hamilton: I love you bitch. *pointing at Eliza and Laurens* I ain’t never gonna stop loving you…bitch.

Lafayette: They following Ma. They following me.

Lady Washington: Who?! Who following you?!

Lafayette: The bus-

Lady Washington: The bus?

Franklin: Welcome to physics-

*something explodes*

Franklin: *screeches* HOLY MOTH-

Laurens: It’s summer. I got my hat on backwards and it’s time to fucking party. *hits head on banister*

Hamilton:

Laurens: *slams break*

Hamilton: *chokes on food* LAURENS!

Hamilton: Smack cam!

Burr: Bitch I hope you the fuck you do! You’ll be a dead son of a bitch I’ll tell you that-

Philip: Oh my God. It’s Chipotle! Chipotle’s my life

Meade: Hey, Tench you want some?

Tilghman: This bitch empty! YEET!

Hamilton: WHAT ARE THOSE!

Lady Washington: They are my crocks!

Hamilton: *fires gun*

Lafayette: *jumps* THIS IS WHY MOM DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Washington: *walks in room*

Hamilton: BRAH!

Washington: *jumps and walks away like nothing happened*

Burr: I brought you Frankincense

Hamilton: Thank you

Burr: And I brought you…Myrrh

Hamilton: Thank you.

Burr: Myrrh…..DER!!!”

Hamilton: Judas no!

Billy Lee: Lebron James. Lebron James. Lebron James. Lebron James. Lebron James.

Laurens: *sneezes*

*Deers runs off*

Hamilton: Nice Laurens

Laurens: What? I sneezed! Oh I’m not allowed to sneeze?

Arnold: I smell like beef. I smell like beef.

Andre: I’m real. And I can’t go with ya-

Peggy Shippen: Ooh, this is my jam. This is my jam. Turn that song off. This is my jam-

Hamilton: Ooh, I like your accent where you from?

Lafayette: I’m librarian

Hamilton: Oh my bad *whispers* I like your accent where you from?

Franklin: *blows smoke* Atom-

Adams: Honestly I don’t remember. I was probably fucked up. Yeah I was crazy back then.

Lafayette at Hamilton and Laurens: Two bros. Chilling in the hot tub. Five feet apart cause they’re not gay-

Revere: Mother trucker dude. That hurt like a butt cheek on a stick.

Franklin: Watch your profanity

Laurens: What’d you say? What’d you say?

Washington: I said whoever threw that paper, your Mom’s a hoe.

Arnold: Thanks for checking in I’m still a piece of garbage-

Hamilton: Remember one time I liked you

Andre: No?

Hamilton: Good. Cause it never happened!

Andre: Oh…

Hamilton: *laughs and walks away*

[gospelofme]

Clone Dads and the Weird/Creepy Things Their Kids Say.

Clone x female reader

It was late at night and Kix was driving back to his in-laws. You and kids were asleep, having tuckered themselves out at the lake. The road was quiet, his in-laws lived out in the middle of nowhere. Forest and farm fields on either side.

They passed an old, abandoned house and he glanced at the mirror and could see his youngest daughter, Louise (named after his mother-in-law), waving out the window.

“What are you waving at baby?”

“The clown that was in there.”

“......oh.” Kix made a mental note to never go down this road again.

————

Sipping his second cup of caf, Wolffe walked by the kitchen table, his 6 year old daughter Mira was hard at work on a drawing. He watched her coloring and looked at the drawing.

“Who’s that?” He asked.

“That’s me in my bed!” She replied, looking for another color.

“And who’s that?” He asked, pointing at a man she had drawn. Thinking maybe she’d say him.

“That’s the man that watches me while I sleep.” She said this in the most casual, unconcerned way ever.

“........who?” Wolffe frowned, trying to keep his voice unconcerned.

“He watches me from the closet. Sometimes he gets really close to my face, but I just tell him to go away and he disappears.”

“Uh huh.”

Wolffe scanned all the security footage of the house, focusing intently on the cameras in his girls rooms. He had Mira’s room, Jailyn’s room, and Fern’s room displayed on the screen. No one else came in, besides just him or his wife checking on them. And nothing was ever near the closet. None of the security alarms had been tripped either or he’d have known it immediately.

You walked through the door with groceries, spotting your husband with an Arsenal laid out on the table.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” Wolffe said causally, cleaning his blaster rifle, night vision scope attachment on the table. He spent the night sitting on the foot of Mira’s bed, armored and helmeted, with a blaster rifle on his lap just in case.

————

Fives looked up from his datapad, glancing at his son as he played on the family room floor.

“Here, some for you and some for me.” His son said, divvying up blocks.

“Who are you playing with buddy?”

“My friend Tevyn.” Darr replied.

“Oh, cool.” Fives didn’t understand imaginary friends, but you had said they were normal.

Later that day, he was walking with Darr on the way home from getting ice cream.

“Bye Tevyn!” Darr said, waving to the air.

“Where is he going bud?” Fives asked.

“Home.” Darr replied, pointing to the cemetery.

Later that night, you and Fives sat in bed scrolling through your datapads.

“He probably was pointing next to the cemetery.” You said, trying to sound reasonable. You kept scrolling through the register of those buried in that particular cemetery.

“To what?!” Fives asked incredulously.

“Sssshhhh!” You shushed him.

“The other half of the cemetery?!” Fives whispered with the same incredulous tone.

————

Kix was enjoying a quiet evening with Wolffe, drinking beer and watching a bolo ball match. He looked over at his wife, you were gabbing away with Wolffe’s wife about some crazy police case.

Five of the kids were sitting around the kitchen table playing a game (Jenga). Kix’s newest daughter, Louise, was busy suckling at her mother’s breast.

“I’m glad the kids are getting along.” Kix said during a commercial break.

“Yeah, I was worried my girls would convince Kaia to gang up on Jesse.” Wolffe nodded.

“Oh there’s still time for that.” Kix shrugged.

“Why are celebrities so famous?” Kaia asked at the table. Fern suddenly slammed her hands on the table,

“BECAUSE THE ILLUMINATI!! THAT’S WHY!!” She declared. Kaia considered this and nodded.

“Yes, that makes sense.” She agreed.

Wolffe and Kix looked at each other, then at their wives who shrugged.

“We have no idea where she picked that up. I suspect it was Hardcase, but he has so far denied it.” Wolffe said, popping a snack in his mouth.

————

“So I heard your friend was in the hospital. Is he okay?” Jesse asked his son over dinner.

“Yeah, he had to have surgery.” The boy replied, poking at his carrots.

“Oh, why?” You asked, pausing from making a funny face to get your other son to eat his food.

“I think it’s because he swallowed chewing gum and it got stuck in his heart or something.” Your son replied.

“Um, honey I don’t think-“ you were about to reply when the baby suddenly spit his food out all over your face and lekku. Your husband and son bursted into laughter.

“What the?!” You muttered, looking at Jesse. The baby laughed while watching his father laugh.

“Sorry babe, I was trying to make faces at him to get him to open his mouth for you and...I guess he found it too funny.”

————

Rex walked by his sons room where they had been playing with dolls he had brought them from a deployment. They seemed to be discussing something but they were talking too quietly. He didn’t want to spy, so he shrugged and let them go about their playtime.

He walked passed again just in time to hear his 5 year old declare,

“The holonet is a liar!! Babies don’t come from there!! It’s when mommy and daddy are really happy! Not a bunch of worms eating a bouncy ball!!”

“What?” His 7 year old replied, sounding baffled.

Rex hurried back into the living room where you were relaxing with a glass of wine.

“Hey hon, um....I think Gregor saw more than we had thought...”

“Motherffu-“

“Mommy! Can you tell me where I came from!!” Gregor yelled as he marched into the room.

————

Cody didn’t have children yet. But he and his wife were discussing the possibility. They often babysat the kids of the other soldiers for practice. He would’ve thought they’d be apprehensive, but they all quickly took him up on the offer.

That made him a little uncomfortable, but he was up to the challenge. One evening he had offered to watch Wolffe’s girls while he and his wife went out on a date. It was rare that Wolffe asked him to watch his kids, but Cody had passed the rigorous questionnaire and interview. He felt like he had leveled up then.

“We’ll be back at 11pm, make sure they’re in bed by 8pm please.” You said as Wolffe ushered you out the door, giving your rear a playful slap.

“Thanks again Cody.” Wolffe said, smiling. But his eyes held that deep threat that said, I’ll skin you alive and wear you as a robe if anything happens to my babies. Cody believed it too.

His wife arrived a little while later to help after she got off work.

“Wow!! Your eyes are so pretty!!” Mira said, grabbing your face.

“Oh! Haha, thank you.” You replied, not used to having a small child staring so intently into your eyes.

“I want to wear them on my charm bracelet.” She whispered. You tried to make the smile on your face not look freaked out.

“Oh, heh heh...well, um...thanks?” You replied.

“You’re welcome!” Mira said happily, bounding away to go play with her sisters.

You and Cody shared a look.

“Maybe it’s because Wolffe has a cybernetic eye?” You offered. Cody didn’t reply.

Later, after the girls were fed, you watched Cody play a video game with them. The dancing program tracked their movements, requiring that they perform dance moves well enough to earn points. You giggled as they all tried to mess each other up. Cody was better with kids than he thought, you realized.

Eventually the girls were tucked into bed and asleep, you and your husband relaxed on the sofa and waited for Wolffe and his wife to come home.

“I want kids more now!” You said, giving Cody a kiss.

“Oh? Want to practice making them later?” Cody asked. You giggled.

“Only if you shake your butt like you did earlier!”

————

Rex walked into the house, removing his helmet with a sigh. He could hear the kids playing and giggling down the hall in the family room. He placed the helmet on a table by the entrance to the family room.

“Daddy’s home!!” You announced, standing up and falling dramatically into your husbands arms.

“Oh honey, it’s been so tiring all day. I’ve been promoted to Queen so I’ve had to Knight all the toys.” You said regally. Rex laughing.

“And behead some!!” Orvin said, you nodded.

“Oh, well can I kiss the Queen?”

“Ooooohhh, you may!” You replied, accepting a kiss from your armored Knight.

“Ewww, mom move so I can hug dad!” Orvin said, squeezing between you two. Rex picked up his oldest son easily, but still acted like it was a challenge.

“Oh!! Gregor, come tell Daddy what you have on your face!” You called, suppressing a giggle. Rex gave you a confused look as his youngest son came running up. He had his fingers held under his chin, dangling and wiggling them. Rex picked up Gregor as well, one kid on each hip.

“What’s that supposed to be?” He asked with an amused smile.

“A beard of testicles!!!!”

“A beard...of....of what?”

“Testicles daddy!!!” Gregor wiggled his fingers more noticeably. He heard you snort with laughter. It clicked.

“Tentacles kiddo! Tentacles!!” Rex clarified.

“Yeah!!! Testicles!!!” Gregor repeated.

“Well, we’ll work on that pronunciation.”

Tag list

@simping-for-fives @jgvfhl @carlycrays @nelba

@leias-left-hair-bun @baby-queen-zen @halzore

@porgnugget @escapedthesarlacc

[lady-divine-writes]

ACITW AU one-shot - “Draining Pipes” (Rated M)

Summary: After Sebastian is accidentally exposed to Covid, Kurt convinces him to quarantine. While the rest of the city is slowly opening up, Kurt is returning to a life that resembles normal. But for Sebastian, home alone without his boyfriend, isolation is changing him. And Kurt has some concerns... (2063 words)

Notes: Yes, this is a pandemic fic, but I promise, it's funny XD

Read on AO3.

"Hi, honey! I'm home!"

"Nope. Try again."

Kurt's head snaps up so quickly he stutters a step, nearly tripping over his feet even though he'd already stopped walking. He glares at Sebastian from across the room as if the man had gotten up from his seat, strolled over, and, without a word, vomited rancid sushi all over his Manolo Blahniks. "What?"

In a tone reminiscent of one his NYADA dance teacher, Cassie July, used that made Kurt prickle from head to toe, Sebastian says, "Try. again."

"Try what again?"

"Walking through the door."

Kurt spins around to examine the doorway, searching for clues about what he could have possibly done incorrectly. "And what, pray tell, is wrong with the way I walk through the door!?"

"Every time you come home, you say, 'Hi, honey! I'm home!'"

"Yeah, and... ?"

"It's boring. Unoriginal. It harkens back to an era of television situation comedy that had no hand in influencing our generation and, frankly, regurgitating it is beneath you and your dramatic talents."

Kurt plants his hands on his hips and gawks. What the hell happened to his boyfriend while he was away? He was only gone four hours! "Have you been rifling through my old schoolbooks again? I told you, there was no Illuminati conspiracy going on at NYADA!"

"Why don't you try something different?" Sebastian counters, neither confirming nor denying Kurt's accusation. "Something a bit more, dare I say, exotic?"

"Exotic?" Kurt scrunches his nose with distaste when he says it. Of all the words in the English language, that's one of his least favorite. "What constitutes exotic in your twisted opinion?"

"I don't know. Think of something. You're the creative, not me."

"What? I... " A dozen arguments about how he's just gotten home, how exhausted he is, how travel between here and the theater was a pain in the ass because some people still don't seem to understand what 'over the mouth AND nose' means so navigating his way through the subway was like playing a game of human Tetris with potentially infected pieces and that he's never been all that good at Tetris anyway! die on his lips. 

It would be a waste of breath.

Still, Kurt doesn't know why he indulges him, but he turns on his heel and walks back out the door. After a few seconds of deep breathing in the hall to keep from screaming bloody murder, he storms back in and brightly declares, "Buenos dias, motherfucker! Como what's up?"

Seeing as the two of them speak fluent French, Spanglish is the most exotic thing he could come up with.

Sebastian nods in stoic approval. "Better. How goes life on the apocalyptic landscape?"

"I'm not selling my body for Cocoa Krispies if that's what you're asking," Kurt quips, wondering if this is how Sebastian acts at work and how no one has put the man through a window yet, partner or not.

"So what I'm hearing is you didn't bring home Cocoa Krispies."

"Nope. Sorry."

"Bitch."

"Yeah, well... " Kurt removes his shoes and socks, then sheds his coat, his messenger bag, his slacks, and his dress shirt, carefully piling them on a chair by the front door - their staging area for decontamination. While he undresses, he eyes Sebastian, not paying him an inch of mind, sitting on what has been dubbed the convalescence corner of the sofa, dressed in a soft white tee and flannel lounge pants, his laptop open on legs covered by a quilt his mother made for him when he was ten. Sebastian knows for a fact that Kurt is undressing and yet he's not leering at him, wolf-whistling under his breath or licking his lips like he's watching an Outback Steakhouse commercial. He's simply sitting in his spot, eyes glued to his laptop screen.

And Kurt loathes it.

Sebastian's attentions have been waning more and more lately, and even though it's savagely bruising Kurt's ego, he can't blame him.

Depending on how they choose to look at things, this situation could kind of, slightly, sort of be deemed Kurt's fault.

"Thank you again for doing this," Kurt says, extending an olive branch. He's been doing this so often over the past few months, he's started buying in bulk. "I can't tell you how much you keeping your distance and staying home has put my mind at ease."

Sebastian doesn't look at him when he replies: "No sweat, babe."

"I know it was just one small cough... and the kid was wearing two masks... and a face shield... "

"Hey, like you said, no need taking any chances. Right?"

"Right," Kurt agrees. And he believes it. He believed it then and he believes it now. Had the roles been reversed, Kurt would make the sacrifice, more than willing to lock himself away for the sake of curbing this disease and keeping Sebastian healthy.

But it isn't him. 

And he feels like dirt going to work three days a week, returning to something that resembles normal knowing what Sebastian is missing out on.

"It's his mother's fault for not mentioning that her little plague rat has covid before I got stuck on the elevator with them," Sebastian says, possibly trying to make Kurt feel better even though his gaze hasn't shifted.

"But quarantining for six days longer than necessary? That's above and beyond! I mean it. You deserve a medal." 

Sebastian tosses him a wink over his shoulder but he doesn't linger, giving half-naked Kurt only a brief once over. "I got you, fam. Besides, time's up tomorrow. Then... " He thousand-yard stares in the direction of the flat screen "... it's rat-hunting season."

"It hasn't been all bad, has it?" Kurt asks guiltily as Sebastian's eyes return to his laptop. He'll admit that maybe he did go a tad overboard when he'd found out Sebastian had been exposed, banishing him to one end of the penthouse and the guest bedroom, keeping him at broom handle length for the past nineteen days. 

But they were almost in the clear! And that's the part that pisses Kurt off most. 

The disease hasn't been eradicated, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The theater started allowing small groups to return for socially distanced practices. That's a huge win for Kurt. Being away from Broadway and rehearsals and opening nights and curtain calls... it was becoming difficult for him to breathe.

Sebastian was on the brink of going back to the office a few days a week, too. It wasn't so much not being at the office that bothered him, but the peripherals - eating lunch at his favorite deli or hitting the gym before dinner. 

Sebastian had taken three tests after that fateful elevator incident, all of which came back negative, so he was confident everything would be alright. He was in the midst of planning his first in-person meeting, but Kurt balked, pointing out that there has been so much controversy over the accuracy of those tests. Sebastian offered to take three more if necessary, but regardless of the outcome, Kurt didn't feel it safe. And even though they had access to the vaccine (because money), being exposed, even minorly, pushed Sebastian's timetable for receiving his first dose back two weeks.

Kurt's father and stepmother have both received theirs, and Kurt was so looking forward to taking a trip to Ohio for a first hug in over a year. He's going to be damned if a four-foot-tall Petri dish ruins that for him!

But because of his paranoia, Kurt and Sebastian haven't touched, haven't kissed in two weeks. They tried the whole Skype sex thing from different rooms of the penthouse, aiming to recapture old college day thrills to boot, but it didn't work out the way they'd hoped. And even though they see each other every day, talk to one another, aggravate each other, throw popcorn and other food items at each other, Kurt misses Sebastian like the dickens. He misses his hugs, his warmth, his smell.

And yes, he misses the sex.

"Since I've been back to work, you've had the peace and privacy to watch those wacky pornos that your brother sends you."

"Yup," Sebastian says, typing something into his search bar that Kurt can't quite make out. "The wackiest."

"Didn't he say something about them being illegal in the contiguous 49 states?"

"Forty-eight. Tennessee turned itself around."

"It would be Tennessee."

"Always is."

"You probably haven't given your fleshjack a rest in two weeks," Kurt prods, worried over these short responses. 

"Mmph... mmm-hmm... "

Kurt starts circling the sofa when all he gets is a chuckle in response, curious if Sebastian is even listening to him. He comes up behind him, standing on a piece of painter's tape they'd put down to mark six feet so Kurt can peek over his shoulder.

And what he sees on Sebastian's screen makes absolutely no sense.

"What are you watching?"

"Drain clearing videos."

Kurt's eyes go wide. "Drain clearing? Wh-what does that mean?"

"This guy drives all over, and when he finds a street that's flooded, he takes out a rake, drags it through the water, and tries to find the blocked drain."

"Does he work for the city?"

"Nah. He's just some guy."

"And he's made a whole channel about... clearing drains."

"Yes, sir."

"And you're watching it?"

"It came up in my recommendations so I clicked one." Sebastian shakes his head, chuckling when stagnant grey water, punctuated by speckles of rain, turns into a whirlpool, rushing through thick iron bars embedded in the concrete and disappearing from view. "It's so satisfying."

"What on Earth were you watching before this that YouTube recommended it?"

"Car cleaning videos."

Kurt's left eyebrow slowly climbs up his forehead. "A-ha."

"Yup. I never realized how relaxing it is to watch a handsome guy Bissell Kool-Aid stains out of carpet. But now... it's my jam."

Kurt huffs, offended on behalf of himself and his own vigorous cleaning regimen. "It wasn't your jam when I was steam cleaning our throw rugs! And the curtains!"

"Yeah, well, things hit different when you're forced into isolation."

Kurt storms forward a step. But then he remembers. And he stops, foot hovering an inch past the sacred boundary that keeps him from venturing too close to infection. He teeters, determination creasing his brow while anxiety wrestles his shoulders back. All the while, a war wages inside his tired brain:

"Get him! You've been vaccinated!"

"It's only one dose!"

"He's not even sick!"

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do!"

"It's not worth the risk!"

"Yes... it... IS!"

"Come on!" Kurt demands, throwing himself bodily at the sofa. He grabs Sebastian's hand, a small voice screaming inside his head as if his tiny naysayer is being burned at the stake. "Come with me... NOW!"

"Where are we going?" Sebastian asks, rushing to move his computer to the side before he gets dragged off the sofa by his surprisingly strong boyfriend.

"This is an intervention."

"But you shouldn't be touching me! Or breathing my air! I have one day left!"

"You're fine! If you haven't gotten sick by now, you probably aren't going to! This is an emergency!"

"What emergency?"

"Quarantine has turned you into someone I don't recognize! Car cleaning videos? Who are you right now?"

"They're educational. It's good to learn a new skill."

Kurt barks a laugh that could shatter crystal. "Right. Like you'd ever. You'd pay highway robbery to have your ten-speed detailed!"

"Nope, because you'd do it for free."

 Kurt rolls his eyes, unwilling to entertain his boyfriend's mocking of him to ask whether or not that's code. "If you're going to ogle a man wielding a Bissell, Goddammit, it's going to be me!"

"So... are we going to clean some carpets?"

"We're going to take a shower and then have sex. A lot of sex. You're getting fucked and sucked until you're back to normal."

Sebastian snorts, delighted by his incredibly good fortune. "If you insist. But are you absolutely sure about this?"

Kurt stops short and faces Sebastian. He looks him over, making certain he doesn't seem particularly sick, and shrugs.

"We'll wear masks. Or three. I don't need to kiss you to make you cum." Kurt continues to drag Sebastian towards the bathroom as his grin grows to epic proportions.

"Kinky."

[annunderground]

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damn daniel

Donald Trump

fuck you

haha wtf

HE PISSES ME OFF

HE PISSES ME OFF PART 2

HES THE ZODIAC KILLER PART 2

HES THE ZODIAC KILLERASDFJKLGHLJKTGRIHFIUREIGRHOIFGHIOGEOIPREOIHTFGJNREOIJ

ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED

liek if u cri evrytiem

team rocket

the entire bee movie script

WCKD IS GOOD- ZEEEEEW

WHAT ARE THOSEEEEEEEEEEE

what????? u want memes?????

when u run out of ur fav cereal

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the entire bee movie script

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular

[parkersharthook]

Everything But The Truth

(Tom Holland x female!reader)

Warnings: fluff, truth telling

2.6k+ words

“Hi I’m Tom Holland.”

“And I’m y/n y/l/n.”

“And we are here with W! Magazine to take a lie detector test celebrity couple edition.”

You slowed your breath as the woman connected all the wires and doo-dads to your body.

Tom smirked at you slightly, “are you nervous?” You nodded causing him to laugh and look over at the machine.

The woman looked at you and spoke clearly, “verbal responses.”

You cringed slightly at her strict tone, but you understand that she was just doing her job. “Yes. I’m nervous.”

Tom looked down at his phone where he had a list of questions. “Okay so we each have thirty questions for the other person to answer. First the tester questions. Is your name y/n y/l/n?”

“yes.”

“Are you 21 years old?”

“yes.”

“are you about to take a polygraph exam?”

“yes.”

He folded his hands carefully on the table and smiled, “Let’s begin.”

~.~

You smirked at the boy across from you as you scrolled through your phone. “not such a big shot now that I’m the one asking the questions huh?”

Tom rubbed his hands against the fabric of his jeans as he let out a shaky breath, “it is much more nerve wracking on this side of the table.”

“Arms up.” The woman practically commanded as she wrapped a band around Tom’s chest. “Alright you are ready to go.”

“okay, first the starter questions.” You looked up at Tom, “is your name Tom Holland.”

“yes.”

“are you 22 years old?”

“yes.”

“are you about to take a polygraph exam?”

“yes.”

You copied his movements form earlier and smiled mischievously at him, “let us begin.”

~.~

You fidgeted slightly in your seat. The woman adjusted something, “try to stay as still as possible.” She looked to Tom, “You may begin.”

“okay y/n… your first question. Do you want to get married someday?”

You blinked, “shit really just jumping into I see.” You nodded, “yes I want to get married someday.”

“to me?”

You nodded, “hopefully.”

“do you believe in love at first sight?”

You thought for a moment, “no. I believe in attraction at first sight, but I don’t think you can truly say or believe that you’re in love without getting to know them first.

“Do you have a celebrity crush?”

You smiled cheekily and nodded, “yes.”

Tom laughed softly, “who is it?”

“Jeff Goldblum.”

He leveled his head slightly, “that’s fair. Do you have a favorite marvel actor?”

You laughed, “hahaha… yeah I do.”

“is it me?”

You decided to go ahead and tell the truth, “no.”

He feigned hurt, “ouch. Do you have a favorite Chris?”

“out of the famous four?” He nodded, “no I don’t think so.”

The operator looked at Tom, “It jumped, she’s lying.”

Both of you and Tom laughed as he gave you a pointed look. You sighed, “yeah I think it’s Hemsworth.”

Tom nodded and scrolled down on his phone, “have you ever gone through my phone without my permission?”

“no.”

He smiled, “a strong and sure answer… I like it. Do you think I call or text you too much?”

“no.”

“do you complain about me to your friends.”

“no.”

The operator shook her head, “it jumped.”

You thought for a moment, “I’ve probably complained about you in the past but it’s certainly not a regular thing, and I haven’t done it in a very long time.”

“She’s telling the truth.”

Tom adjusted slightly in his seat, giving you a small smirk. “perfect segue… have you ever lied to me?”

You nodded, “yes.”

Tom reeled back in genuine shock, “about what?”

You shrugged, “I don’t remember and maybe I haven’t. But I’m pretty sure that I probably did early in our relationship. But I don’t lie to you anymore, I always tell you the truth.”

Tom glanced at his next question, his tongue running over his lips as he laughed. He looked up at you with a goofy smile, “are you with me just because I’m Spiderman.”

You laughed heartily, “no I’m not.”

“Do you like that I’m famous?”

You shrugged your shoulders slightly, “depends on the day.”

He cocked his head to look at you, “elaborate please.”

“I mean when we’re trying to just have some intimate time with you and me, then the crowds get a little old but no for the most part I’m very proud of you and your career.”

“Do you have a crush on Harrison?” You threw your head back in laughter as Tom looked directly into the camera, “he’s here by the way so that makes this very interesting.”

You shook your head as your laughter died down slightly, “no I do not have a crush on Harrison.”

Tom brought one of his feet up on his chair, now leaning his arm against his propped up knee. “do you think Harrison is attractive?”

You nodded your head slightly as you glanced around in slight thought, “yeah…”

Tom’s eyes widened, “What?”

You laughed, “do you want me to say that your best friend is ugly?” You snorted as Haz started laughing. You gestured to him, “I mean he’s a model for goodness sake’s of course he’s attractive.”

Harrison nodded his head, “that’s my girl.” You laughed as Tom smacked his arm.

“do you think you’re a good liar?”

“yes.”

“Do you know anyone in the illuminati?”

You laughed heavily, “What? No.”

Tom chuckled, “Harrison wanted me to ask that one.”

Harrison laughed and nodded, “it’s true I did.”

Tom glanced back to his phone for a moment before looking up at you, “have you seen every single marvel movie?”

You nodded, “yes multiple times.”

“do you think pineapple belongs on pizza?”

“yeah…” you hesitated before adding, “but only with ham.”

Tom laughed as he asked the next one, “do you use your relationship with me to get things?”

You laughed and shook your head, “not on purpose or consciously. Does that mean people don’t hand me things sometimes?” You shrugged, “not necessarily.”

“Do you enjoy red carpet events?”

“Depends on how I feel day of. Mostly yes because I’m with you.”

Harrison groaned slightly, “sickening.”

You rolled your eyes, “shut up Haz.”

“do you ever wish you weren’t an actress?”

You leveled your head slightly, “on my bad days where I hate everything about my life then yes I wish I wasn’t an actress. Mostly no, I enjoy my career.”

Tom bit his lip, “have you ever smoke weed?”

You rolled your eyes and leaned back in the chair, “you’re the worst.”

Harrison smiled cheekily, “answer the question y/n…”

You mumbled slightly, “yeah I’ve smoked weed before.”

“do you think I’m a good boyfriend?”

“definitely.”

“am I the handsomest boyfriend you’ve ever had?”

“yeah…”

The operator shook her head, “it jumped.”

Tom’s mouth fell open as you laughed, “I really do though!”

She shook her head, “it jumped again.”

Harrison cackled as he clapped his hands, “you’re in some deep shit now y/n.”

You sighed and scratched at your nose, “ok no… there was one guy before you that was more… how do I say this? He was more… conventionally… attractive.” You quickly went to defend yourself as you saw the hurt expression cross Tom’s face, “but he doesn’t compare to you. You are by far the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

Tom looked to the operator who nodded her head, “She’s telling the truth.”

Tom sighed, “okay fine I forgive you. Careful with this next question, do I ever do anything that really bothers you?”

“yes.”

Tom sighed, “I’m just gonna move on from that rather quickly. Have you contacted any of your exes since we’ve started dating?”

You nodded, “yeah. There was one guy who had something of mine and I met up with him to get it back, but you knew about that. Besides that there was nothing and I haven’t talked to him since.”

Tom laughed at the next question, “would you ever hook up with Harrison?”

You bit your lip and scrunched your face, “Not if I wasn’t being paid… sorry Haz.”

Harrison shook his head as Tom laughed. You swear you even saw the operator laugh slightly. “are you happy in this relationship?”

You nodded with a small smile, “very.”

“Okay last question… have you lied at any point during this interview without the polygraph catching it?”

You nodded, “yep. The last question.” Harrison laughed loudly as Tom shook his head, stifling his own laughter.

“The line jumped, she was lying.”

Tom pursed his lips at you, “aww you really do love me.”

“of course honey.”

The woman stood up to start removing the contraption from your body. Tom put down his phone, “you did very good.”

You smiled at him, “thank you. Your turn…”

“fuck.”

~.~

You situated yourself in the stiff office chair, “we’re gonna start out easy. Were you nervous to ask me out originally?”

“yes.” You don’t know why but that made your heart flutter.

“Do your costars like me?”

“yes, very much.”

“Does your family like me?”

“yes, very much.

“Your mom?”

“yes she loves you.” You looked at the machine expectantly but was pleasantly surprised to see it remain constant and even.

You let out a breath, “alright that was a series of anxieties that were quelled.” Tom let out a soft laugh as you continued, “do you have a favorite marvel actor?”

“no.”

The operator looked to you, “it jumped.”

Tom sighed, and his body sagged, “okay fine it’s RDJ.”

You chuckled slightly, “it’s okay, RDJ is everyone’s favorite. Have you ever gone through my phone without my permission?”

“no.”

“Do your friends like me?”

“yes. Not that they really have a choice.”

You quirked an eyebrow up at your next question, “Do you ever wish that you weren’t Spiderman?”

“no.” immediate and sure.

“Have you and Harrison ever kissed?” You said between small giggles.

Tom gave you an incredulous look, “what? No.”

You looked to the operator, biting your lip. She nodded her head. You moved on, “Am I the prettiest girlfriend you’ve ever had?”

“yes.” You blushed slightly.

“Thanks babe. Have you ever been close to breaking up with me?”

Tom looked to the ceiling in thought, “…no”

“Why the hesitancy?”

Tom gestured randomly, “we’ve dated for a while, so I had to recall all of the stupid fights we’ve had. But no, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to actually break up with you.”

“have you ever hated a movie or show that I’ve been in?”

“No.”

“it jumped.”

“Tom!?”

“ok so there are some cameos in movies that I don’t love.”

You sighed, “I’ll give you that. Do you think America is better than London.”

Tom looked at you, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he lightly hit the table in thought. “That’s hard and probably not in my best interest to answer.”

You smirked, “answer the question.”

“no…”

“Do you like London more?”

Tom sighed heavily and rolled his head lazily, “yes.” You gasped obnoxiously as Tom tried to defend himself, “but it’s only because that’s where I was born, raised and where my family lives.”

“have you ever watched Keeping up with the Kardashians?”

“no.”

“It jumped.”

You and Harrison laughed, “oh come on Tom you’ve got to stop lying.”

Tom stumbled slightly as he flustered for an answer, “I’ve never actively watched it. It’s been on when I’m in the room and other people have watched it around me… so I’ve seen part of it. But no, I’ve never... kept up with the Kardashians.”

You laughed as you looked at the polygraph, “god tom you are such a bad liar.” He just groaned and dropped his head onto his arm in defeat.

You laughed and moved on to the next question, “do you think your social media is an accurate depiction of you?”

“to an extent yes.”

“elaborate.”

He shifted slightly, “the parts of my life I chose to show are accurate however what is on social media is only a portion of my life so…”

Harrison’s eye twinkled slightly as he took your phone for a moment. He had a wicked smile on his lips as he asked a question, “do you have a favorite brother?”

Tom shook his head, “no.”

“it jumped.”

Both you and Harrison fell against each other as you laughed. Tom swiped at his nose as little laughs fell out of his mouth, “I am going to get a heated call after this… but I think it’s Harry at the moment.”

You and Harrison laughed louder and harder. Tom, once again, flailed about trying to get himself out the hole he dug. “But it changes depending on who I’ve hung out with or seen recently.”

“Uh-huh, sure. Do you ever wish an interviewer would stop asking about me?”

“no because I love talking about you and then I’m not worried about spilling any of marvel’s secrets.”

“right… just our own personal ones.”

Tom nodded along, “exactly.” That caused you to laugh.

“Do you think we’d have cute babies?”

Tom nodded with slightly furrowed brows, “oh the cutest. If they had my curly hair and your e/c eyes they’d be little heartbreakers.”

Harrison groaned, “Sickening.” You just blew Tom a small kiss.

You glared at Tom, “have you ever smoked weed before?”

Tom huffed, “I knew that would come back to bit me in the ass… yes I’ve smoked weed before.”

You bit your lip, “do you see us getting married in the future?”

“yes but not the near future.”

“how far down the line?”

He shrugged slightly, “a few years when we aren’t all over the place and can properly settle down.”

“do you think we’ll go the distance?”

“I really hope so.”

“have you ever complained to Harrison about me?” you looked to both boys who took a moment to think.

“no…? I don’t think so?”

You looked over at Harrison, “haz?”

“Not that I can remember but honestly… yeah he probably has.”

Tom laughed slightly, “I feel like he would’ve already ratted me out if I had.”

Harrison nodded, “yeah that’s probably true.”

“Do you like Krispy Kreme over Dunkin Donuts?”

“a 100% Krispy Kreme.”

“Do you like American football?”

He shrugged, “Don’t really see the point of it. So… I’m indifferent.”

“do you like your costars?”

“yes.”

“All of them?” you pressed

“yes.”

“Even Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie?” You egged

He just laughed and nodded, “yes.”

“do you think women are overly sexualized in the marvel movies?”

“sometimes. I think they’re overly sexualized on the posters for sure.”

“do you think you look good?”

Tom narrowed his eyes at you in slight confusion, “yes? I want to say yes.”

“he’s telling the truth.” You don’t know if that made it funnier or not.

“do you like my dyed hair?”

“I do.”

“do you like my dyed hair better than my natural color?”

“not necessarily but I like both.”

“Rank the four famous Chrises of Hollywood in order of best to worst.”

“in terms of acting? Personality?”

You pondered for a quick moment, “let’s go personality.”

“Shit… okay I guess… personally, for me…”

“answer the question.” You were so focused on Tom that you weren’t quite sure who egged him along at this point. Could’ve been any of you guys.

“Shut up Haz.” Oh there it was. “Okay… Pratt, Hemsworth, Evans, Pine.”

“who was the last famous person you texted outside of the marvel cast and crew?”

“Daisy Ridley.”

“okay last question, did you lie at any point during this interview that the polygraph didn’t catch?”

“I don’t’ think so, no.”

~.~

“Ok so that was the end of the interview, thank god.”

Tom glanced at you, “I honestly don’t think I learned anything new, but it reaffirmed some things for me.”

You nodded, “I agree. A lot of anxieties quelled if I’m being honest.” You turned to the camera, “thank you for watching and subscribe to W! Magazine if you want to watch more videos like this one.”

Tom billowed his shirt lightly, “I’m so happy this is over. I’m sweating so much.”

You laughed and leaned against him slightly, “me too! God this was so stressful.”

[lybomb]

S/O Same Height as Members

Request: Hello Lexi! Can I request an NCT reaction to a crush/s.o. that is the same height as them? I'm like 176cm so like NCTs average height?

Taeil

He would be slightly embarrassed. He believes that the man should be taller. But he thinks you have too many other amazing qualities that he’ll forget about your height in no time.

“You’re just too beautiful to pass up.”

Johnny

He would be impressed by your height, calling you a model all the time. He would make you put on different outfits and would take many photos of you.

“My little model, pose just like that! Yes, gorgeous!”

Taeyong

He wouldn’t mind at all. But he would ask you if you’re self-conscious if you never wear heels. He would nag at you until you do wear heels, making him happy.

“Why do you never wear heels? Are you worried that you’ll be taller than me?”  

Yuta

He would love being able to put his head on your shoulder at any time, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“I love having a little head rest here.”

Kun

He wouldn’t bring attention to it, unless he knew it made you worried. Then he would talk to you about it, reassuring you that it doesn’t matter.

“I’m not worried about your height, sweetheart. I’m worried about is what would happen if I didn’t have you.”

Doyoung

He would tease you about it, maybe going a little too far sometimes, but showers you in affection afterwards to make up for it.

“I know I make fun of you for it a lot but I really do love your height. It’s great being able to put my head on your shoulder when we’re hugging.”

Ten

By knowing your height, he’d be able to find clothes that fit you perfectly. He send you tons of gifts, or just give you the clothes he doesn’t like.

“Surprise! You don’t like it? No, it’s definitely not the pants I was wearing last week…”

Jaehyun

He would think nothing of it. He thinks that it’s just another part of you that he loves, making you the perfect person for him.  

“Everything about you is perfect, darling. I love every aspect of you.”

Winwin

He would make fun of you for being as tall as him, but that’s how he would show his affection- by roasting you.

“Ya, how’s the weather up there?”

Jungwoo

He’d think it’d be the cutest thing that you’re his height because now he has easy access to kissing your cheek.

“Come here, love, I want to smother you in kisses.”

Lucas

He would be so excited! He would love to be able to kiss you whenever he wanted to because he wouldn’t have to stretch far to reach your lips.

“Hey, don’t be mad at me! It’s not my fault that your lips are always right there!”

Mark

He would rather have a shorter s/o, but he fell in love with you the first time his eyes set on you. He would easily look past your height, loving every part of you.

“Don’t worry, honey, I love every part of you, including your height.”

Xiaojun

Since he’s the shortest member, he’d be a little self-conscious about it. He’d still want to be the taller one out of you two, but wouldn't force you to do anything you didn’t want to.

“Heels? But you’ll be taller than me… Okay, they do match the outfit perfectly.”

Hendery

He doesn’t think it’s an issue. He would want you to love yourself for who you are, just like how he loves you.

“What do you mean you’re self-conscious? Every part of you is amazing.”

Renjun

He really wouldn't care. And if you were worried about it and asked him, he would just brush it off.

“You’re worried about your height? Who cares about that when the Illuminati is controlling everything.”  

Jeno

He’d be pretty self-conscious. He’d be worried about what others think, but he would push those thoughts away and love you for who you are.

“I’m worried about what others will think, but those thoughts don’t compare to the ones I have about your love.”

Donghyuck

Even though he’s the same height as you, he would still give you back hugs and try to give you piggy back rides.

“C’mon, get on my back! What do you mean ‘no’? I’m gonna carry you whether you like it or not!”

Jaemin

Two words. Sharing. Clothes. He’d love that you would be able to fit into his clothes perfectly, buying more clothes than necessary.

“What do you mean you don’t need more jeans? Fine, I’ll take them, but you better wear them at least once!”

Yangyang

He actually wouldn’t mind your height, but would still tease you for it. He would laugh after his comment so that you know he was joking around.

“No, I don’t like it that you’re almost taller than me… Baby, I was kidding!”

Chenle

Since he jumps around everywhere, he’d use your shoulders as springboards so that he can jump even higher.

“Sorry, baby! I just wanted to jump as high as Stephen Curry!”

Jisung

He wouldn’t mind your height, but he would worry about the teasing the other members would give you guys.

“Don’t worry about them, they just can’t see your true beauty.”

[theearlymorningmist]

Domestic Fluff 6: Shaving

TONY STARK X READER

A/N- one-shot series of domestic fluff, can read separately or together.

P.S!!--> This kind of went of the rails a little bit? I started it with the intention of a completely different story but then something happened and I just kind of rolled with it? IDK. Fun game though- take a shot anytime I used the word ‘CONSPIRACY’ or another form thereof. 

Word count: 1000

For as long as you had known Tony Stark, he always had exceptional facial hair. Perfectly trimmed and maintained. And although he would never admit it, you knew his facial hair was a point of pride for the man. Maybe it had something to do with him always being so much younger than his classmates as a kid, so when everyone else was growing beards he was still fighting acne.

You never questioned how he maintained such perfect facial hair, despite the fact that you never saw the man shave. But Tony was up all hours, so you figured he just shaved when you were asleep or not around.

But the longer you lived with Tony Stark the more suspicious you grew… You checked the cupboards in your shared washroom and found no shaving materials. You never saw any small hairs that needed cleaning up, despite not having a maid anymore. And yet…perfectly maintained facial hair…

One night when Tony and you were watching a movie, you found yourself staring at his jaw rather intently. Does it just…not grow? Did he invent some kind of a formula to keep it perfect? No, that’s impossible…Is it? I mean…he is Tony Stark?

��Hey (Y/N)…” Tony’s voice interrupted your internal spiral. “Something bothering you, or are you just captivated by my handsomeness?” He asked, with a smirk.

“Option three.” You said, deadpan.

Tony raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips, eyes narrowing. “You’re doing a thing…a weird thing with your face. What is that face?” He asked.

You slowly stood up, still eyeing the man suspiciously. “It’s the face of someone who’s onto you, Stark…” You replied ominously, before walking away.

“Dramatic exits aside, are we finishing this movie or…?”

The next day you involved Rhodey in your conspiracy theory.

“I’m telling you, I have never seen the man shave! I’ve never even seen any evidence of shaving!” You exclaimed to the man. “You’re his best friend. Don’t guys talk about guy stuff with each other? Has he ever mentioned his beard before?”

Rhodey scratched his jaw, staring down at the floor. “Now that you mention it…no? I mean, I make fun of him for it sometimes because it’s quite frankly ridiculous. But he’s never mentioned like a barber or anything.”

You put your hands over your face, letting out a frustrated sigh. This conspiracy was getting wilder. It must go all the way to the top…You thought.

“(Y/N)…You’ve got a kind of crazy eyed look going on right now…So…I’m ganna head out… Don’t uh…like go crazy and murder Tony or something aight?” He paused, shrugging. “Or do, y’know...as long as it’s not me.” He added, slowly exiting the room.

That night you waited until Tony finally came to bed, at around 4 am. You pretended to be asleep as he curled around you, and dozed off. And when you were sure the man was out, you slipped out of bed and snuck down to Tony’s lab.

You used your code to get in, and began looking around for some kind of remnants of a high-tech shaver. Something possibly involving holograms and laser grids.

Mid-search, when half your body was inside a cupboard, you were interrupted by a certain AI. “Might I inquire as to what you are searching for [Ms/Mr] (Y/L/N)?” JARVIS asked.

You jumped, banging your head against the counter. “JARVIS…” You began, standing up and rubbing the back of your sore head. “Does Tony have any…shaving equipment around here?” You asked, conspiratorially.

“I’m afraid that’s classified.” The AI responded quickly….Too quickly…

“What do you mean classified? I knew something was up!” You shouted, running a hand through your hair some-what neurotically.

“So the jigs up.” Tony said behind you.

You turned to see the man leaning against the door frame, arms crossed.

“What the hell is going on Tony?!” You asked. “This is insane. This is an actual conspiracy! Are you in the Illuminati or something?” You half asked, half accused.

Tony chuckled, walking over to you and gently placing his hands on your shoulders. “(Y/N), sweetie, honey…Calm down. As amusing as watching you go insane has been, I think this has gone a little too far.”

The man sighed, looking down for a moment before meeting your eyes. “The truth is, I—OW!” Tony yelped, in reaction to you quickly tugging on a piece of his beard.

“Sorry. Had to make sure it wasn’t stick on or something.” You apologized.

Tony rubbed his sore jaw, shaking his head. “Is it weird that I’m kind of turned on right now?” The man questioned, grinning slightly.

You looked at the man incredulously. “What?!”

“I don’t know, you’re all crazy eyed and sneaking around like some kind of sexy spy, tugging hair, yelling at me. No? Just me whose turned on? Okay, sure.” He rolled his eyes.

“Tony so help me if you don’t tell me what the hell is going on with you and that beard I will tie you down and shave it off!” You threatened.

Tony held back a laugh, rubbing your shoulders soothingly. “Honey, calm down. No need to resort to sexy threats.” He said, calmly. “The truth is, I made a laser-based program operated through JARVIS that gives me the closest shave possible. He runs it everyday when I come down to the lab to keep the lines clean. Razor bumps are a thing of the past.”

“But….if that’s all….Why all the secrecy? When you realized I was asking questions why didn’t you just tell me!?” You asked, utterly confused.

Tony pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing your back soothingly. “Because (Y/N)…” He whispered in your ear. “I live to torment you.”

You gasped, pulling back and slapping Tony’s arm. “You asshole!” You shouted. “I thought I was going insane!”

Tony only laughed, trying to pull you back into his embrace. “Aww, come on my little superspy…Investigate me some more.” He teased. “Try and find out all my dirty little secrets.” He winked.

“You’re the worst.” You groaned, begrudgingly letting the man kiss you softly.

“Come back to bed, Sherlock Holmes.” Tony smiled, holding your hand and leading you back to your bedroom.

Even as the two of you got into bed, you were still pouting. “I hate you.” You muttered, as Tony wrapped his arms around you.

“I know, honey, I know.” He whispered, cuddling you closely…

The End.

@captainsherlockwinchester110283  @lilylovelyxo @not-reptilian  @thevanishedillusion  @kilamanjiro @xxcxrolinexx @txnystarkimagines @broadwayandnetflix @mythrealfan @sophiatomlinson23

[yesbiffwritesthings]

“don’t get your hopes up too high”: An Exhaustively Curated 2018 Playlist

So, since time immemorial I have been putting together year-end playlists and for a long time they were pretty sloppy affairs overall.  Last year, I decided to make up some kind of formula for putting these playlists together.  Basically what it comes down to is, from every new album I listen to, released in the given year, I pick one song.  No repeating artists because that gets to be too much (although featured acts aren’t subject to this rule).  When deciding what releases are going to get my attention, aside from my own personal tastes (skews toward alt. rock and punk a lot of the time) and releases from longtime favorites (this year we saw releases from Metric, and Animal Collective, as well as a long-awaited A Perfect Circle album, and even a Spotify single from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs), I try to get give more of my time to queer artists (and this year there were TONS of queer acts releasing great music--Adult Mom, Laura Jane Grace & the Devouring Mothers, Janelle Monae, Snail Mail, SOPHIE, etc. etc. etc. hallelujah).  I also try to make an effort broaden my musical worldview by making time for artists that operate within genres I don’t always naturally gravitate towards.  This was a great year to get back into hip-hop (Rico Nasty, Cardi B, Tierra Whack, Black Panther OST) after not really vibing with some of the directions it has taken in the past ten or so years.  I have also tried to include a track by every band I saw in 2018, providing they actually released something in 2018 and it is available on Spotify (strong apologies to Partner, Bully, Shellshagg, Kimya Dawson, Rozwell Kid, Los Campesinos, the incomparable Liz Phair, and the legendary Fleetwood Mac--y’all didn’t release anything this year).  I give myself until the end of January of the following year to finalize my expansive, year-end playlist, and here we are.  This years playlist is over 15 hours long--almost long enough to put on while you’re doing all that laundry you've been putting off.  I hope you enjoy.

Full list of songs:

The 1975 - “Love it if We Made it”, from A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships

Ab-Soul - “Bloody Waters” [ft. Anderson .Paak], from _Black Panther _OST Adult Mom - “Drive Me Home”, from Soft Spots Amanda Palmer - “Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now” [ft. Jasmine Power], from “Mr. Weinstein Will See You Now” single Amen Dunes - “Miki Dora”, from Freedom American Pleasure Club - “New Years Eve”, from A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This Animal Collective - “Jake & Me”, from Tangerine Reef Anna Burch - “Quit the Curse”, from Quit the Curse Anna Calvi - “Don’t Beat the Girl Out of My Boy”, from Hunter Antarctigo Vespucci - “Not Yours”, from Love in the Time of E-Mail Arctic Monkeys - “Four Out of Five”, from Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino Ariana Grande - “No Tears Left to Cry”, from Sweetener Ava Luna - “Centerline”, from Moon 2

The Bascinets - “Jangle Bee”, from 378 Vol. 1 EP Bat Fangs - “Bad Astrology”, from Bad Astrology Beach House - “Last Ride”, from 7 Bear Hands - “Back Seat Driver”, from “Back Seat Driver” single Bettye LaVette - “What Was it You Wanted” [ft. Trombone Shorty], [Bob Dylan cover], from Things Have Changed Big Freedia - “Karaoke” [ft. Lizzo], from 3rd Ward Bounce Billie Eilish - “When the Party’s Over”, from “When the Party’s Over” single Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Soft Stud”, from Mother of My Children Bleachers - “Alfie’s Song (Not So Typical Love Song)”, from Love, Simon OST Blood Orange - “Charcoal Baby”, from Negro Swan Bob Dylan - “He’s Funny That Way” [Gene Austin cover], from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined Booji Boys - “Locked (Barely Open)”, from Unknown Pleathers EP Boygenius - “Bite the Hand”, from Boygenius EP Brandi Carlile - “Every Time I Hear That Song”, from By the Way, I Forgive You The Breeders - “Walking With a Killer”, from All Nerve  Bristletongue - “Thistle Among Roses”, from Femme Florale EP Brockhampton - “Thug Life”, from Iridescence

Camp Cope - “The Opener”, from How to Socialise & Make Friends Cardi B - “Ring” [ft. Kehlani], from Invasion of Privacy Caroline Rose - “Bikini”, from Loner Caroline Says - “Cool Jerk”, from No Fool Like an Old Fool The Carters - “Apeshit”, from Everything is Love Cat Power - “Wanderer”, from Wanderer Celine Dion - “Ashes”, from Deadpool 2 OST Chai - “Fried”, from Pink Chance the Rapper - “My Own Thing” [ft. Big Purp], from “My Own Thing” single Childish Gambino - “This is America”, from “This is America” single Christine & the Queens - “Girlfriend” [ft. Dâm-Funk], from Chris Chvrches - “Get Out”, from Love is Dead Closer - “This Year”, from All This Will Be Cloud Nothings - “So Right, So Clean”, from Last Building Burning Company of Thieves - “Window”, from Better Together EP Comrade Question - “Never Change”, from Four Seasons Con Connections - “Low, Low, Low”, from Foreign Affairs Control Top - “Type A”, from “Type A” single Courtney Barnett - “Charity”, from Tell Me How You Really Feel Cupcakke - “Total”, from Ephorize

Damn the Witch Siren - “I Don’t Want to Say I’m Sorry”, from Red Magic Daphne & Celeste - “You & I Alone”, from Daphne & Celeste Save the World Dashboard Confessional - “We Fight”, from Crooked Shadows David Byrne - “Everybody’s Coming to My House”, from American Utopia Death Cab For Cutie - “Gold Rush”, from Thank You For Today The Decemberists - “I’ll Be Your Girl”, from I’ll Be Your Girl” A Delicate Motor - “Do For Self”, from Fellover My Own didi - “Haru”, from Like Memory Foam Dilly Dally - “Bad Biology”, from Heaven Dirty Projectors - “I Found it in U”, from Lamp Lit Prose Django Django - “Beam Me Up, from Marble Skies Downtown Boys - “Fotos y Recuerdos” [Selena cover], from “Fotos y Recuerdos” single Drake - “In My Feelings”, from Scorpion Dream Wife - “Spend the Night”, from Dream Wife DRAM - “WWYD?”, from That’s a Girl’s Name EP Drinks - “Pink Or Die”, from Hippo Lite

El Perro Del Mar - “We Are History”, from We Are History EP EMA - “Dark Shadows”, from Outtakes From Exile EP Empath - “The Eye”, from Liberating Guilt & Fear EP Empress Of - “Love For Me”, from Us Ezra Furman - "Suck the Blood From My Wound", from Transangelic Exodus

Father John Misty - "Disappointing Diamonds Are the Rarest of Them All", from God's Favorite Customer Fatoumata Diawara - "Nterini", from Fenfo (Something to Say) Fields & Planes - "Alice", from Press First Aid Kit - "It's a Shame", from Ruins Fischerspooner - "Discreet", from Sir  Flasher - "Business Unusual", from Constant Image Florence & the Machine - "Hunger", from High As Hope Frank Ocean - "Moon River" [Audrey Hepburn cover], from "Moon River" single Franz Ferdinand - "The Academy Award", from Always Ascending The Frights - "Over It", from Hypochondriac Fucked Up - "Tell Me What You See", from Dose Your Dreams

Gabby's World - "Winter, Withdraw", from Beast On Beast Gerard Way - "Baby You're a Haunted House", from "Baby You're a Haunted House" single Gia Margaret - "Smoke", from There's Always Glimmer Girlpool - "Picturesong", from "Picturesong" single The Go! Team - "The Answer's No--Now What's the Question?", from Semicircle Goodbye Honolulu - "Lorry Can't Love", from More Honey Goat Girl - "The Man With No Heart Or Brain", from Goat Girl Greta Van Fleet - "When the Curtain Falls", from Anthem of the Peaceful Army Gymshorts - "Ding Dong Ditch", from Knock Knock

H.E.R. - "Lord is Coming", from I Used to Know Her: Part Two EP harunemuri **- "sekaiwotorikaeshiteokure", from harutosyura Hatchie - "Sure", from Sugar & Spice EP Hinds - "To the Morning Light", from I Don't Run The HIRS Collective - "Not For You" [Moor Mother remix], from Friends, Lovers, Favorites Hop Along - "Not Abel", from Bark Your Head Off, Dog Hovvdy - "Late", from Cranberry Hozier - "Nina Cried Power" [ft. Mavis Staples], from Nina Cried Power EP

Iceage - "Take it All", from Beyondless  Idles - "Smaritans", from Joy As an Act of Rebellion Illuminati Hotties - "The Rules", from Kiss Yr Frenemies Interpol - "If You Really Love Nothing", from Marauder The Interrupters - "Gave You Everything", from Fight the Good Fight Iron & Wine - "Milkweed", from Weed Garden EP

Jack White - "Over & Over & Over", from Boarding House Reach Janelle Monae - "Pynk" [ft. Grimes], from Dirty Computer Japanese Breakfast - "Dreams" [The Cranberries cover], from Spotify Singles Jay Rock - "Redemption" [ft. SZA], from Redemption Jeff Rosenstock - "Let Them Win", from POST- Jenn Champion - "O.M.G. (I'm All Over It)", from Single Rider Jenny Hval - "Spells", from The Long Sleep EP Jorja Smith - "I Am", from Black Panther OST Joyce Manor - "Fighting Kangaroo", from Million Dollars to Kill Me Juice WRLD - "Lucid Dreams", from Goodbye & Good Riddance Julia Holter - "Turn the Light On", from Aviary Juliana Hatfield - "A Little More Love" [Olivia Newton-John cover], from Juliana Hatfield Sings Olivia Newton-John  Jupiter & Okwess - "Ekombe", from Kin Sonic

Kacey Musgraves - "Space Cowboy", from Golden Hour Karen O - "YO! MY SAINT" [ft. Michael Kiwanuka], from "YO! MY SAINT" single Kendrick Lamar - "All the Stars" [ft SZA], from Black Panther OST Kero Kero Bonito - "Time Today", from Time 'n' Place Kesha - "I Need a Woman to Love" [Janis Joplin cover], from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined  Khalid - "Love Lies" [ft. Normani], from Love, Simon OST King Princess - "Pussy is God", from "Pussy is God" single Kimbra - "Right Direction", from Primal Heart Kississippi **- "Adrift", from Sunset Blush Krimewatch - "The Big Picture", from Krimewatch Kurt Vile - "Check Baby", from Bottle it In

Lala Lala - "I Get Cut", from The Lamb Laura Jane Grace & the Devouring Mothers - "Reality Bites", from Bought to Rot Laura Stevenson - "Maker of Things", from "The Mystic & the Master" single Lauren Ruth Ward - "Well, Hell", from Well, Hell Leikeli47 - "Top Down", from Acrylic Leon Bridges - "Bet Ain't Worth the Hand", from Good Thing  Loma - "Relay Runner", from Loma Long Neck - "Elizabeth", from Will This Do? Lord Huron - "Wait By the River", from Vide Noir Low - "Rome (Always in the Dark)", from Double Negative  Lowpines - "Parasite", from In Silver Halides Lucius - "Woman", from Nudes Lucy Dacus - "Timefighter", from Historian Lykke Li - “Jaguars in the Air”, from So Sad, So Sexy

The Men - "Come to Me", from Drift Meshell Ndegeocello - "Smooth Operator" [Sade cover], from Ventriloquism Metric - "Dressed to Suppress", from Art of Doubt MGMT - "One Thing Left to Try", from Little Dark Age Middle Kids - "Edge of Town", from Lost Friends Mister Moon - "Plastic", from Codes EP Mitski - "Nobody", from Be the Cowboy Mountain Man - "AGT", from Magic Ship Mourn - "Candle Man", from Sorpresa Familia Muncie Girls - "Jeremy", from Fixed Ideals Mungbean - "Wednesday", from "Wednesday/Aimed at You" single

Natalie Prass - "The Fire", from The Future & The Past Neko Case - "Gumball Blue", from Hell-On Night Flowers - "Head On", from Wild Notion Noble Vices - "Wheelhouses", from "Wheelhouses" single Noname - “With You", from Room 25 Nothing - "Us/We/Are", from Dance On the Blacktop Now, Now - "Window", from Saved

Ohmme - "Icon", from Parts The Ophelias - "Lover's Creep", from Almost Ought - "Disgraced in America", from Room Inside the World Ovlov - "Stick", from TRU

Palm - "Swimmer", from Rock Island Parquet Courts - "Normalisation", from Wide Awake! Peach Kelli Pop - "Parasomnia", from Gentle Leader Peggy Gou - "It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)" [edit], from "It Makes You Forget (Itgehane)" single A Perfect Circle - "So Long & Thanks For All the Fish", from Eat the Elephant Petal - "Stardust", from Magic Gone Phoebe Bridgers - "Friday I'm in Love" [The Cure cover], from Spotify Singles Pinky Pinky - "Robber", from Hot Tears  Poppy - "Play Destroy" [ft. Grimes], from Am I a Girl? Preoccupations - "Espionage", from New Material Princess Chelsea - "I Love My Boyfriend", from The Loneliest Girl Protomartyr - "Wheel of Fortune" [ft. Kelley Deal], from Consolation EP

Q-Tip and Demi Lovato - "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" [Elton John cover], from Revamp

Radattack - "Rock & Roll Party Queen", from "Rock & Roll Party Queen" single Rainbow Kitten Surprise - "Hide", from How to: Friend, Love, Freefall Remember Sports - "Making it Right", from Slow Buzz Rico Nasty - "Oreo", from Nasty Robert Delong - "Favorite Color is Blue" [ft. K-Flay], from See You in the Future EP Robyn - "Missing U", from Honey Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - "Exclusive Grave", from Hope Downs Ron Gallo - "Really Nice Guys", from Really Nice Guys EP Rosalia - "Di Mi Nombre", from El Mal Querer Saintseneca -  ” Good Hand", from Pillar of Na Say Lou Lou - "All Love to Me", from Immortelle Screaming Females - "Deeply", from All at Once Shame - "Concrete", from Songs of Praise Shannon & the Clams - "The Boy", from Onion Shannon Shaw - "Golden Frames", from Shannon in Nashville Shilpa Ray - "Shoot This Dying Horse", from Nihilism The Sidekicks - "Twin's Twist", from Happiness Hours SiR - "Summer in November", from November Skating Polly - "Free Will at Ease", from The Make it All Show Sleep - "Marijuanaut's Theme", from The Sciences Slothrust - "For Robin", from The Pact Smashing Pumpkins - "Silver Sometimes (Ghosts)", from Shiny & Oh So Bright, Vol. 1: No Past, No Future, No Sun Snail Mail - "Pristine", from Lush Snarls - "Lonely", from Snarls EP SOB X RBE - "Paramedic!", from Black Panther OST Soccer Mommy - "Cool", from Clean SOPHIE - "Immaterial", from Oil of Every Pearl's Un-Insides Souther - "Enough", from Blume EP Spiritualized - "On the Sunshine", from And Nothing Hurt SSION - "1980-99" [ft. Patty Schemel and Sky Ferreira], from O St. Vincent - "Los Ageless" [piano version], from Mass Education Stef Chura - "Degrees", from "Degrees/Sour Honey" single Sunflower Bean - "Burn It", from Twentytwo in Blue Superchunk - "Erasure" [ft. Stephin Merritt and Waxahatchee], from What a Time to Be Alive  Superorganism - "Night Time", from Superorganism Swearin' - "Big Change", from Fall Into the Sun

Tanya Tagaq - "Run to the Hills" [ft. Damian Abraham] [Iron Maiden cover], from "Run to the Hills" single Tanlines - "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", from Presents EP Teenage Wrist - "Dweeb", from Chrome Neon Jesus They Might Be Giants - "Let's Get This Over With", from I Like Fun Third Eye Blind - "In the Fade" [Queens of the Stone Age cover], from Thanks For Everything EP Thumpers - "Tenor", from Life All In EP Tierra Whack - "Fuck Off", from Whack World Titus Andronicus - "Above the Bodega (Local Business)", from A Productive Cough Tom Misch - "Isn't She Lovely" [Stevie Wonder cover], from Geography Tomberlin - "You Are Here", from At Weddings Toto - "Hash Pipe" [Weezer cover], from "Hash Pipe" single Tracyanne & Danny - "It Can't Be Love Unless it Hurts", from Tracyanne & Danny  TT - "Take One", from LoveLaws tune-yards - "Colonizer", from i can feel you creep into my private life Turtlenecked - "Knocked Down By Another Ghost", from High Scores of the Heart TV Girl - "King of Echo Park", from Death of a Party Girl Twin Shadow - "Saturdays" [ft. Haim], from Caer

U.S. Girls - "Rage of Plastics", from In a Poem Unlimited Ultra Beauty - "Pegasuss", from Ultra Beauty EP Unknown Mortal Orchestra - "Hunnybee", from Sex & Food

Vacation - "Action Road", from Mouth Sounds #2699 The Vaccines - "Surfing in the Sky", from Combat Sports Valerie June - "Mad About the Girl", from Universal Love: Wedding Songs Reimagined

Waxahatchee - "Takes So Much", from Great Thunder EP Weaves - "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)", from "Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)" single The Weeknd - "Wasted Times", from My Dear Melancholy EP Weezer - "Africa" [Toto cover], from "Africa" single Westerman  - "Albatross", from Ark EP Wished Bone - "Ohio", from Cellar Belly The Wombats - "Dip You in Honey", from Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life  Wussy - "Cake", from What Heaven is Like Wye Oak - "I Know It's Real", from The Louder I Call the Faster it Runs

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Thirteen" [Big Star cover], from Spotify Singles Young Fathers - "Fee Fi", from Cocoa Sugar Young Guv - "Ain't Fallin' in Luv Again", from 2 Sad 2 Funk Yowler - "WTFK", from Black Dog in My Path Yungblud - "I Love You, Will You Marry Me", from 21st Century Liability

https://open.spotify.com/user/barfwalker/playlist/7mCLnG6CZG1yB4q8uhzcys?si=Ip-Lka-0TOWCWRLMXGZ26w

[motherfuckingmagicbrian]

You Hear It Too - A TAZ inspired playlist

Laughter Lines - Bastille // This Is The Gospel - Panic! At The Disco // Good Grief - Bastille // Flaws - Bastille // Snaked - Bastille // Reaper Man - Mother Mother // Make Me Feel - Janelle Monae // Under The Water - AURORA//

Two Birds - Regina Spektor // Kingdom Of Rust - Doves // Hey Brother - Avicii // I’m Coming After You - Owl City // Arms Tonite - Mother Mother // All I Want - Kodaline // How Could I Ever Forget - Next To Normal Cast // Have You Seen My Sister Evelyn? - Evelyn Evelyn // Lifetime Achievement Award - Lemon Demon // Beautiful Times - Owl City // Battle Scars - Paradise Fears // Click Click - Danny Michel // Too Much Time - John Canderslice // Phosphorescent Lilies - Charming Disaster // Never Be Famous - Hussalonia // Previously On Other People’s Heartaches - Bastille // Love Like You (End Credits) - Rebecca Sugar // Once and For All - Newsies Cast // Brand New Day - Neil Patrick Harris // Like the Dawn - The Oh Hellos // Bad Sun - The Bravery // My Friends - Oh Winder // I Don’t Have A Name For It - Steam Powered Giraffe // Brown Eyes and All the Rest - Carnival Youth // Little Pistol - Mother Mother // Let It Go - The Neighborhood // Wires - The Neighborhood // Cool Patrol - Ninja Sex Party // Fifteen Minutes - Mike Krol // Johnny Boy - Twenty One Pilots // Get Along - Kenny Chesney // Endlessly - Mystery Skulls // The Lost Boys (Bonus Tack) - Greg Holden // Without A Fight - Hoobastank // Something Stupid - Karin Groenwald // Honey And The Bee - Owl City // Roses - Darren Hayes // I Left My Body - They Might Be Giants // Oil On Water - Bastille // Til I Hear You Sing - Caleb Hyles // Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan // The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny - Lemon Demon // Roll Me Through The Gates Of Hell - Mischief Brew // 2 Rocking Chairs - Jon Bellion // Dark Matter - Les Friction // Shot Out Of A Cannon - Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness // One Of Us - New Politics // Exile Vilify - The National // Warriors - Freedom Call // (Don’t Fear) The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult // Edit - Regina Spektor // Two Coffins - Against Me! // La Vie En Rose - Cristin Milioti // You Used To Say (Holy Fuck) - The Front Bottoms // Goodbye England (Covered In Snow) - Laura Marling // Skeleton - The Front Bottoms // See You Space Cowboy... - Grand Soleil // Human Nature - Aurelio Voltaire, Voltaire // This Abyss - The Gothic Archies // Be More Chill (Part Two) - Be More Chill Cast // Carnival - Kevin Devine // Mr Loverman - Ricky Montgomery // Birth a Basket - Cosmo Sheldrake // Help Our Souls - NIHILS // The Turn Of A Friendly Card (Part One) - The Alan Parsons Project // How Far We’ve Come - Matchbox Twenty // Wounded Healer - Watsky // Soldiers - Otherwise // Burning Up - Marianas Trench // Folding Chair - Regina Spektor // Maneater - Daryl Hall & John Oates // Hit and Run - LOLO // Hollow - Cloudeater // One - Birdtalker // feeling empty because there’s no more spaghetti - In Love With a Ghost // The Call - Regina Spektor // The Pheonix - Fall Out Boy // Fire Starter - Demi Lovato // Centuries - Fall Out Boy // Champion - Fall Out Boy // Let ‘Em Talk - Kesha // 7 Years - Lukas Graham // History Has Its Eyes On You - Hamilton Cast // I Believe in Bigfoot - The Electric Illuminati // Mars - VAN HOF // Forget Me Not - Marianas Trench // For You - A.C.I.D.P.O.P. // Games People Play - The Alan Parsons Project // Save Our City - Ludo // Fire - Kasabian // Applause - Lady Gaga // Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel In NYC) - Fall Out Boy // War, What Is It Good For? - Ugly Rumours // Dead Hearts - Stars // Planets and Stars - Pavvla // Honeybee - Steam Powered Giraffe // How to Save a Life - The Fray

Thanks everyone who sent in an ask, or replied to the post! Sorry for the late response, but there were a whole lot of songs :)! Enjoy!

[livingmybestfakelife]

Title: Lady and The Tramp part 3

summary: Dominic comes back into the lives of Erik and his new wife YN one last time.

Final chapter for Lady and The Tramp (1) (2)

“Aye ma, you hungry?” Erik asks you and you shake your head “I’m okay”, he sits next to you and rubs your chin with his thumb “You sure?” you smile and nod “I’m sure honey, had a big breakfast”, “I’m sorry baby, I know you tired, we might be here till ten, you don’t have to stay if you don’t wanna” “I understand baby, and ah, I guess I am getting a little groggy” he pecks your lips “You go ahead and head home alright” you grab your purse and head to leave, but not before looking back at Erik whose talking to Cameron. Erik has been working on a new album for the past four months and being the perfectionist he is was willing to sleep at his studio just to get the job done, you stopped by during those times with something for him and his boys to eat, a change of clothes and his toiletry bag, you were glad that his studio was homey enough for you to be comfortable with him spending the night there, he had a floor purchased and he had it redecorated to be comfortable and to his liking, a game room, kitchen stocked with snacks, and a pull out couch, plus it wasn’t too far away from your house, you even thought about spending the night there but there was nothing like the bed at your house so you pushed that thought out of your head, Erik looks back at you and winks, you blow him a kiss making him smirk and you go to leave.

Before you could close the door behind you, you gasp as you’re startled by what you see a little farther down the hallway, Dom was standing there with a hand in his hoodie pocket smirking at you “Erik!” you shout and that makes Dom rush over to you, Erik and Cameron are already at your side and Erik moves you into the studio “Lock the door alright and call 911″, you nod and quickly close the door, pulling out your cellphone with your shaking hand you dial 911, that’s when you hear muffled shouting followed by a loud thud on the wall, you jump and an operator gets your attention “911, what’s your emergency?” “Y-yes I need the police at 1596 Park Place Avenue, there is an intruder on the fifteenth floor” “Okay ma’am can you describe the intruder?” “His name is Dominic Mosley, he’s African American, wearing a red hoodie and black pants, there is a fight going on” “Okay ma’am are you hurt?” “No, I’m locked in a room, please hurry” “Okay miss just stay on the line with me” You scream at the sound of a gunshot, you move farther away from the door and into the recording booth “I just heard a gunshot” “The the closest police officers will be there shortly miss just stay calm” “Oh my god, please god” you cry “It’s okay miss just stay on the phone with me”, you cry harder while the worst thoughts are flooding your mind, that’s why Dom had his hand in his pocket, he must have fired it, and that made you go crazy, you prayed and prayed that Erik or Cameron didn’t get hit, that Dom was a bad shot, you hear more scuffling for a little bit and then another shot goes off and you scream “Miss are you away from the door?” “Yes” you whimper, you feel like you’re getting weak the more you cry, all of this stress was draining you, not knowing what was going on, was your husband being gunned now not too far away from you? You didn’t know if you could handle it, no, you couldn’t handle it, you two had just gotten married 11 months ago, next month would be your first wedding anniversary, you look down at your other hand and look at your ring, it wasn’t the traditional clear diamond, it was an oval emerald diamond with tiny diamonds around it, it was beautiful. You kissed your ring and closed your eyes, for what felt like hours you hear what sounded like something waking you up from your worst nightmare “Freeze, drop your weapon!” you exhale and silently thank God “The police are here” “Good, are you alright?” “Yes I’ll be okay, thank you” “No problem, do you need me on the phone for a little while longer?” “No, I’ll be okay, thank you” “Okay, good bye”, you hang up and sit on the floor a little bit longer, you hear a knock on the door and you go to open it, figuring that it’s now safe to open “Erik, oh thank god” you throw yourself into his arms crying into his chest, he rubs your back and kisses your forehead “It’s alright baby, it’s over” after calming yourself down you look up at him “Is-is Cam okay?” “Yeah he’s good, he talking to another cop”, you kiss him like it’s the last time you ever will, you thought the last kiss would have been the last one, you kiss his jaw then kiss cheek, then you nuzzle up against his chest, letting his strong hold on you and his warmth comfort you “I heard gunshots” you tell him “Yeah, the fuck nigga brought up a gun, he can’t aim for shit” you laugh and rub his chest “I’m so glad, I thought the worst, I don’t wanna loose you Erik” “I know baby I know, I’d go crazy if I lost you”. After Officer finishes talking to the Cameron he walks over to you both “Mr. and Mrs. Stevens, I think it would be best if you both head home, and you should wait a few days before coming back, you know just in case he has other people after you who know your schedule” Erik nods his head and the officer continues “What’s your relationship with Mr. Mosley?” “He is...well was my friend” “Obviously you two had a falling out, what happened exactly?” “A while back he attempted to assault my wife” the officer nods and writes the information down “And when you say a while back?” “Three years ago” “And was this reported?” “Yes, he was given a temporary restraining order” the officer continues to ask questions about Dominic then wraps it up “Sorry for all of the questions, but we have to get all of the information as why he would do what he did, you would need all of the back up you need if you want to take this to court” Erik nods “We understand” “Alright then, you’re good to go, thank you for your cooperation” they shake hands and you go to get your purse, Erik holds your hand and rubs it with his thumb, you look over to see a bullet hole in the wall, he follows your eyes and sighs “You sure you’re alright?” you sniff “Yeah, I just wanna go home” “Okay baby”, Cam is standing in the doorway and moves out of the way for you both to pass, the hug each other and Cam says that he’ll lock up.

                                   ------ EarlyThe Next Morning-----

“Yes mama I’m fine, ye-yes, okay mama- I love you too, bye” you hang up from your mother who when the second she heard of the news she called you, she and other close friends and family had blown up yours and Erik’s phone wanting to know if you were okay and what was going on, you, Erik and Cam were seen entering the studio around three yesterday, witnesses reported hearing gunshots in the building, and when the news and media found out that you three were all in the same building that the gunshots were heard they freaked out, no one knew who the gunman was at first, all they knew is that you all were in there and they hoped that neither of you were harmed, yours and Erik’s fans were on their social medias scared and confused, not knowing the full details they came up with their own theories, maybe it was a robbery, maybe the illuminati was coming to take you both out...okay that one was from the conspiracy theorists. But when they had finally gotten the full story, no one was surprised, your fans and his fans was dragging Dom up and down, youtubers made videos, and news shows spoke on it, happy to confirm that you all were unharmed. 

You were eating your breakfast and the maid Caroline refilled your glass with more orange juice “Anything else Mrs. Stevens?” “I’m fine Caroline, thank you” the older woman nods and leaves you to it. Soon Erik enters the dining room and sits next to you, “You not gonna eat?” you ask him and he shakes his head “Nah, I’mma just head straight to the gym” “It’s not good to go on an empty stomach baby you could make yourself sick, please, just try a little something for me, Caroline made your favorites” he smiles a little and see’s the delicious selection that was laid out for you both, he makes his plate and gobbles down on his meal, you laugh a little “See, I knew you was hungry” you take a napkin and wipe away a little bit of grits on the corner of his mouth as you stand up, already finished with your food, afterwards you kiss his cheek “I’m gonna go take a shower alright” “Okay baby” you kiss him one more time then head upstairs. Once he’s alone he sighs and puts his fork down, his mind goes back to last night, he was fighting Dom away from the door to the studio, he knew that’s where he was headed, he was gonna kill you, for a second he thought for sure he was attempting to murder him or Cameron but no, he was still bitter about what he did years back, you rejected his aggressive advances and he couldn’t handle the humiliation of Erik beating his ass, so he went for revenge, and it would be too easy to end Erik’s life, he wanted to traumatize him, he wanted him to feel a pain that would hurt worst than a bullet wound, watching you die would slowly kill him, the muffled yelling you heard was him and Erik going back and forth, he remembers a bit of what was said, Cameron telling Dom to put the gun down and Erik saying “You hurt my fucking wife I’ll kill you nigga!” “I guess I’m committing suicide then!”, he holds his head in his hands as if doing that will block out the memories, and for a bit it did, he wanted to forget about the whole thing but he knew that it will always stay with him, he would definitely be getting security, not only just for events but for his personal life as well, he didn’t want to risk your life again, he didn’t care about himself, he was worried about you, he always did more than himself, which you often disagreed with, you wanted him to care about himself as much as he did for you but he never could, and you would just have to accept it. Dom hasn’t been on his mind for a long time, he didn’t even think that he would go this far, hell he didn’t even think he would do what he did years ago, the best Erik could do right now is do everything he can to make sure Dom gets locked up, Dom did have good money but he knew for sure that it tanked after what he did to you, who would risk their own reputation just to work with him? So with that knowledge he hoped that he couldn’t afford a decent enough lawyer to get him a lesser sentence as possible, he was hoping for Dominic to rot, but all he could do right now was hope, but he knew for sure that they had a case.

[weirdotherapper-blog]

Diss Track - HeadShots -

I’ma take a few shots at some rap and hip-hop artist who are not

As cream of the crop; not a heart stops; you wannabe show stoppers; 

Yall just bar hop -and bump hips to hop to the top, 

So lemme get the trigger ready to take a steady shot 

-Head shot number one;

Yelawolf where the fuck did you come from; 

No one even gives a fuck about you son;

Last time you were relevant you were trying to keep up with Tech-N9ne; and Busta-Rhymes;

Now your time to be in your prime has already run outta lifelines;

Then you come and also Diss M.G.K. - I’m Sor-ray your word-play is on-lay okay 

Here comes Headshot number 2; get outta the way 

And M.G.K. you pretend to play, with words even though your cadence is 

Boring making fans snoring as you pretend you are flooring, 

Them with same repetitive nonsense, no one’s in suspense as you repeat clever sentences from a previous artist; don’t start this,

If you can’t finish it; if you ain’t really in it to win it,

Headshot number 3, I used be your biggest fan, Slim-shady sorry,

I said used to be cause honestly as of lately Eminem, 

Been wack and only attacking other artist to continue having a story, 

Marshal Matthers maybe retire and pass down the godly rap glory;

We get it Slim-Shady, Eminem, Marshal Matthers Baby, 

You got a legacy you wanna see thrive, and desperately keep alive 

The problem is you haven’t had a good album since before 2005 

Headshot Number 4; I just gotta settle a score;

Drake your trash; your fake; you’re lame; you only rake and take in 

Money and bitches after some ghost wrote the lines that got you honey and riches;

You’re not raw; you’re not tough; allow me to call you further on your bluff,

Like Jimmy Brooks ima leave you shook as I take the next shot;

You are no 50-cent, Biggie, Or Tupac; stop pretending to be something you not;

Before I give you a reason to not have your legs work; okay I gotta stop 

Head Shot Number 5, 6, and 7 - A trifecta of Music my friend,

Kanye, Dr.Dre, and Jay-Z, can yall just stick making beats, Please?

Kanye you’re already clinically insane believing your Gods gift to us, okay right 

Call me an Indian giver cause get that shit outta my sight, 

God can take back this quack crack-pot gift and lift this curse, 

before I gotta spit another diverse verse so go disburse,

Please just leave and take your barely passable rap skills

At least Dr.Dre has flow and always goes for his kills 

But lets be honest without Slim-Shady coat-tails your ship probably would’ve already set sails 

Jay-Z I respect you freestyle essentially everything,

But could you be a little more interesting?I 

I know your pussy whipped but does Beyonce gotta be slipped into everything, bad enough the illuminati already gotcha nuts gripped, 

I’m just saying I hate when artists step out of there element just to revel in idea of being relevant, 

Speaking of irrelevant relevance 

Headshot number 8 and 9; I don’t give fuck that they are both hella fine,

Kardi-B and Nicki-ménage à trois - we know how yall got ya jobs  

Yall an insult to what women truly represent, saying you are supposed feminist; 

When your words are socially venomous; pretending to be Mean pristine Queens -Mirror Mirror on the wall?

Who is the sluttiest of them all?

That’s a tough question; maybe make more investments in your talent then;

Then your fake asses and barely passes for music my cum-swallowing friends -

Headshot Number 10, this motherfucker doesn’t know if he’s gonna go to hell or heaven,

Marcus Hopsin, you are talented; you can sing, and rip bars and minds apart;c

Cause we get it your fucking smart; being a psychology major I find,

when I see an Ill mind I gotta pull that brain apart;

Your close-minded to what others believe, and even say multiple times weed is the Devil; please, 

Maybe you need to take a few tokes and relax and come to our Level; Marcus see -

you’re becoming Narcissistic, egotistic; eccentric and malevolent  

when you used to be so sentient, and relevant it’s evident you’ve become nothing but bullshit and sediment, 

it fills me with resentment cause at one point I respected your intellect,

Always comparing your cerebral flare to others as though we are mentally bare.

minimal broken individuals, with residual visuals working for subliminal criminals.

when you’re the one becoming a dark individual with critical criticisms becoming catatonic and chaotic, 

a cataclysm of schisms risen out of insecure idioms into introverted introspective Imprisonment, 

Ignorant to inner interference ironically inseminating itself with Ignorance, inevitable isolated intelligence incarnates into immoral idiotic indulgence, 

But honestly,

fuck what I think though speaking relatively, it’s all irrelevant in a universe intertwined in infinite immeasurable possibility,

but seriously though, can we like, stop being so childish and petty? 

[purpleflamingosarelife]

Dear Shawn. [2]

I sat behind the old, rotting building with nothing. Nothing but my thoughts. Hell, I wasn’t even wearing my own clothes. 

When Tony, my double, walked into the room, I’d... I’d made him take my place as a dead body. It was to throw them off my scent, and I’d already hired someone with Shawn’s looks to go and do the same thing. Shawn just didn’t know it. 

I didn’t like it, but I had to do it. I had to keep us alive. I found it funny, though, that I was risking my ass for a kid I barely even knew. 

Seriously, though, fuck killing people. I knew it wouldn’t be the last time I had to do it, either. 

I’d liked to have stopped thinking about it. 

A twig snapped. I looked at the direction of where the sound came from as I pulled my gun, taking cover behind part of a wall. 

“H-hello? Rod?” A timid voice called out. “It’s Shawn... fuck, I hope he’s here.” I stepped out from behind the wall and immediately pointed my gun at him.

“Hands up, I’m searching you.”

“Why?”

“Because I can. And I need to make sure you’re not a decoy like fuckin’... I dunno... To Catch a Predator or something.” I quickly frisked him and searched his pockets before looking closely at his face. I even counted the number of freckles that he had. Twenty-three to be exact. Good. He gave me a weird look. 

“Are you... Wait. Are you the kind of person that...” I shoved the gun in his face. 

“Are you insinuating that I’m a predator? I don’t like kids. They’re annoying as fuck.”

“N-no,” he quietly said. “You- you don’t seem like a predator, Rod. Listen-- what the hell’s going on?” I tucked my gun into Tony’s gross ass jeans and pulled Shawn into an old, rotting hotel room. I, looking like a paranoid freak, periodically peered out of the broken window as we spoke. 

“Ok, so you read the letter, correct?” 

“Y--”

“And, and. Did you-- did you bring it with you. Did you bring it with you, or did you leave it in your dorm like an idiot?”

“Well--”

“Yes or no, Shawn. I don’t have all damn day.” 

“Yes. I brought it along so they wouldn’t find it. Here,” he shakily stated as he pulled out a worn piece of paper, handing it to me. It looked like he’d read over it a million times. I would have too. It was awful, what we’d gone through. 

“Great. Ok. So what we need to do is, first of all, we need to get out of the state. Within the next twenty-four hours. We--”

“Ok, but you said you’d explain more when I arrived.” I exhaled through my nose. 

To be honest, I didn’t know. Just thinking about it brought back the headache from my hangover. How in the actual hell did people have the ability to do shit like this-- to manipulate time and space, to toy with reality. It couldn’t be truth. Maybe I was on a drug trip. Maybe this was all just a bad dream. I looked back over at Shawn.

He was about average height with honey blonde hair, accompanied by a square-ish face covered in a thick, neatly trimmed beard. He looked like a real nice kid. 

“Listen. I don’t really fucking know, Shawn. I know just as much as your class-failing, Thor imitating fucking Ross Lynch, Jeffrey Dahmer lookin’ ass does. So why don’t you quit pressuring me like I’m the head of the Illuminati?” I snapped, picking up an empty beer bottle and throwing it across the room. “Listen, all I know is that someone knows about us, and they set up a trap for us to try and... capture us? I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I know that they sent out an invitation e-mail to whoever they wanted to target, which happened to be us. I don’t know how they know about our powers, I don’t know how they found us-- I don’t even know if you know your power. All I know is that they’re going to kill us if they find us and we need to run.”

He had a face of disbelief. Almost like he was angry, confused, sad and wanted to cry all at once. I mean, so did I, but I was more concerned with getting the hell out and getting things figured the fuck out. 

“Listen. It’s all over. Our lives are over. You aren’t Shawn Davis anymore, I’m not Rod Shears anymore. We’re both fucked if we can’t accept that.”

There was a long silence. We just sat next to each other, staring at the filthy ground of the abandoned hotel room, thinking. Not talking to each other. 

I had this all planned out. You know, I’d been given a plan for disappearance. Being a big celebrity, I had to. And Now I was using that plan with minor tweaks. We were disappearing, and we were disappearing now. 

--

It was dark by the time either of us had spoken. 

Shawn was the first to break the silence. 

“So... Um... Which do you...” He sighed. I could hear him rubbing his forehead as he swore under his breath. “Which one can you control?” 

I kept my eyes on the nasty converses that I’d stolen from Tony when I’d made him shoot himself and burned him. My shoulders were still heavy with guilt. 

It had to have been at least thirty seconds before I responded. The word stuck to my tongue like molasses.

“Time,” I choked out. The word itself carried as much guilt as my murdering Tony. “You?”

“I... Reality. I think. I think I can bounce back and forth between realities. And it’s just really complicated and it... It hurts. To do it.” There was a pause. “If I do it too much.” I nodded through the darkness. 

“I get sick if I travel too much. Like, nausea and nosebleeds and migraines and whatnot. But I can’t... I can’t just travel all willy-fuckin’-nilly either. I don’t think I can go too far into the past, and the longer back I go, the more energy it takes. And the more painful it is. Think of it as kind of going on a run. Back to the night that the Titanic sank is like running a mile, but running a 5K would get me to... I’d say... 1580. Like, a long ass time ago. And it’s the same way going into the future. But it’s also the same way in the fact that the more I do it, the better I get at it. Not to mention the fact that I’ve recently been able to choose where I travel to as well. But I can’t do it when I’m stressed. Or terribly injured. Or if I’m in contact with too much radiation at once. I dunno. It’s just weird.” I felt almost out of breath explaining it. I just chose not to question it so much. 

I suddenly realized the gross stiffness of my now two day old hair gel. I hadn’t done anything but focus on getting myself out of this mess since the sting operation happened. And Tony’s clothes smelled like too much cologne mixed with that smell that your clothes get when you wear them three times without washing them. It made me want to puke. 

“We really need to go. We can’t stay here, someone might come along and do something bad,” I said in a raspy voice. “First, I need beer. Then, we need a place to crash, and we’ll figure something out tomorrow as far as make-overs go. Sorry, but Beard McGee needs to scram.” He scoffed before sighing as we climbed out of the broken window and began walking down the long, outstretched road. 

“I swear, if you’re a serial killer, I’m gonna fuck you up,” Shawn joked. 

“Ok. Whatever.” I replied before looking in the distance at some lights. “Oh, shit, a gas station. We can get some food there, probably. And beer.”

“How are you going to buy beer? You don’t have your ID.” 

“I’m a fucking celebrity, Shawn. I have an alternate ID that nobody knows about. We’re fuckin’ buying an assload of beer tonight. Don’t forget-- I also have all of my cash on me, so we’re not going to be going hungry.” 

-- 

Once we reached the small, vacant gas station, we both pulled on our caps and entered. I headed immediately for the back where the beer was before grabbing two six packs of Budweiser and a pack of Heineken. I also loaded up with some other snacks as well. 

“Hello, boys,” the old man behind the counter greeted as I set everything on the counter. “Can I see your ID?” 

I handed him my ID before gesturing at Shawn. “He left his at home. This is all for a friend, anyways.” The old man chuckled in response before taking my cash, giving me my change and sending us on our way. 

It was going to be a long walk, but until I could get us a car, our legs were our only option. I had some plans for tomorrow anyways, such as us getting new IDs, new clothes, a ride and a decently safe place to go. I had an inside source who could help me out. I knew of a crappy motel near by that would let us crash there without question, because my source owned it. We ended up catching a ride from some middle aged guy that smelled like weed. 

The place was actually pretty nice. At least, what I called the ‘VIP’ hallway was. It was where people in close relation to my ‘source’ stayed. It was as nice as a five-star hotel, being owned by who it was, and it had its own staff and everything. It was, you could say, comparable to the Bellagio. 

“Hello,” the young girl at the front desk greeted politely. “How can I help you?” 

“We need one of the Luco rooms, please.” There was a long silence in which she blushed nervously and immediately began sweating. She motioned for us to join her in a small room behind the desk, a standard procedure just to make sure we weren’t heard. 

“O- of course, sir- of course,” she obliged as we entered the room. “Um, um, what... what, what’s the password?” she timidly responded. She knew to fear anyone who’d asked for the Luco rooms. Even someone as pretty as her could easily be caught up in the mess that surrounded my uncle.

“PADSin.” I could feel the questioning look from Shawn. 

“Sir? Could you please confirm what that means?” Of course. The security question.

“Presley, Anka, Dean, Sinatra,” I flawlessly said, crossing my arms. “Capital ‘P’, capital ‘A’, capital ‘D’, capital ‘S’, lowercase ‘I’ and ‘N’.” 

“And may I ask, how- how you’re related to Mr. Luco?” 

“I’m his nephew, related by blood.”

“Name?”

“Rod Aaron Michael Christopher Shears.” We watched intently as she checked a list of names, those belonging to people who had access to the Luco rooms. 

“Alright, gentlemen, welcome to the Luco rooms. My name is Maria, please call if you need anything,” she politely stated as she opened a pair of mahogany doors, handing me a room key. “Please do enjoy your stay.”

Shawn and I walked down the red carpeted hallway. The lower half of the walls were a dark wood paneling, the upper half a lovely white paint. Every door was made of mahogany. I led him to room six, sliding the card into the electronic lock before pushing the heavy door open to reveal a large room with a full kitchen, two king sized beds and a full bathroom. I immediately threw the beer into the fridge and raided the wine cabinet. I threw a bottle to Shawn before hurrying over to the closet to see what was in there. 

This being my designated room, I knew there had to be clothes in that damn closet. Hell, I’d had the place stocked with everything I’d need for it to be a home, right down to the Cheetos and the books on the shelf. I tore the closet door open to find a ton of my clothes within. That felt good. 

“Well, Shawn, you can keep your beard for one more night. We both just need to sleep for now. Maybe get drunk as fuck. I don’t know,” I yawned as I pointed to his nightstand. “And, uh, there’s a sock, a tablet and some lotion in that nightstand if you need to--” 

“Oh my fucking god. I barely even know you, Rod. I’m not watching-- ew. You’re a sick fuck, you know that?” 

“I’ve known that for,” I laughed as I plopped down onto my bed. “I’ve known that for a long time.”

Our shared moment of laughter almost made me forget about what was going on. 

We were safe here, no doubt, but safe didn’t mean what it used to.

Danger meant death at this point.

[evenstevensranked]

#33: Season 1, Episode 11 - “Secrets and Spies”

To destress from her busy schedule, Ren takes up a secret gig performing ABBA karaoke at local Japanese restaurant. She’s super sneaky about it and Louis is determined to figure out what she's up to.

The opening shot of this episode is Ren in her room rearranging her ridiculous schedule, showing us that she’s absolutely swamped. Eileen comes waltzing in and oddly knocks after the door is already open. I just randomly noticed that. Like, give the girl some privacy. She’s all excited to tell Ren that Councilman Mackenzie (whoever that is) is looking for a new intern and that he’s expecting her call. Ren CLEARLY does not want to do this and even tells Eileen that her schedule is too busy. One look at her calendar cork board would make anybody be like “Guuuurl, you’re only giving yourself an hour and a half each week for relaxation time?! You’re 14!” Instead, Eileen looks at her schedule and says “No, honey. Look! You have Tuesday, 4:30 to 6 available!!” Seriously, Eileen? 

Ren is spending Wednesday at 5pm reading to the blind. Give her a break. 

As soon as Eileen leaves, Ren walks into her closet and screams at the top of her lungs. Except, it’s obviously a stock audio clip of a horror scream. Louis overhears and it’s the first clue to the budding mystery. 

At dinner, Ren is curiously missing. We see that the Stevens are doing some “International Delicacy du Jour” where each family member chooses a meal from a different country to eat or something. I don’t know. Steve cooked a traditional Vietnamese meal, and I swear, the way he pronounces the dishes would never fly today. He’s like, “You already have your pho-taaaaaaiiiiii!” in the most mock Asian sounding accent ever, oh my god. He goes on to say “bon appetit” in Vietnamese, which also sounds terrible. He also cooked sticky rice and there’s a gag where the rice is, well... too sticky. None of them can get it off of their utensils. Ren comes running in late and clearly lies about meeting with the councilman. When asked, she tells them that she got the internship. That is, until Louis notices a yellow feather tucked into Ren’s shirt and makes a scene about it. She immediately deflects from that and brings up some ceramic cat that Louis broke to change the subject. Huummm...

Later that night while walking through the hall, Louis happens to overhear Ren talking on the phone in Japanese. He goes barging in “Hey, Stoolie! Why ya speakin’ in Japanese?” which is honestly so funny. It’s the way Shia says it, omg. He’s officially convinced that Ren is hiding something at this point. He has a meeting with Twitty to try and break down the evidence so far and we get a pretty memorable bit. Twitty’s reasoning is simply “Well, she’s a girl and girls do weird things. HEY! That’s a great song title. *proceeds to sing/play ‘girls do weird things’ on guitar*) This is a great scene so I’m just gonna embed it. There is one issue I’ll mention: there’s an awful overdub here. Listen to when Louis says “little miss perfect.” The audio was so obviously recorded at a different time, his lips don’t match, and he didn’t even bother to speak with an appropriate inflection so it would sound better in context. It makes me wonder what line they had him say originally... 

“Get out... Get out of my house” was always one of my favorite lines lol. 

We move on to the tiniest, most insignificant subplot EVER. Donnie is struggling with Trigonometry, (a subject I literally never studied in high school... is that bad?), so he gets an online tutor named Russell. The guy is a total nerd apparently and wants Donnie to help him out with the ladies. They meet up in person, and the tutor ends up being a little kid. That’s literally it. The plot never goes anywhere else. That’s it. There is a good line here, though. Russell is all “Let’s go meet girls!” and Donnie’s like “Look, kid. The only place I’m taking you is to a moon bounce.” I love this.

The next day at school, some random chick tells Louis to thank Ren for referring her to the Councilman and that she got the internship... not Ren. The plot thickens. We get a montage of Louis spying on Ren all day, even hiding in a darn mailbox, until he follows her all the way to Tokyo Rick’s -- a super random Japanese restaurant. Louis is beyond confused, that is.. until a man comes on stage and says “Up next on the mic, we have the vocal stylings of... Isis.” And we get the big reveal: Ren in a 70s style wig singing “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. 

Can we talk about that fact that Ren’s stage name is freaking ISIS though?! Isis?! Really, Disney? This is honestly Illuminati territory for me. Although, Isis is also an Egyptian goddess, which is probably where they got the name from. But, still. It’s a little disturbing in hindsight to think that Ren’s alias went on to be the name of a terrorist organization. Yikes. Christy is a fine singer, but this is unfortunately not her finest performance. To be fair, she was like.. 15 or 16 here. I definitely look back at my own performances at that age sometimes and.... yeah. Not the greatest. This is another memorable scene though and deserves to be uploaded to YouTube, so... I uploaded it: 

Now that Louis knows her secret, he decides to torture her with his knowledge of the situation. We get another montage of him sneakily posting Tokyo Rick’s karaoke fliers all over school, and Ren subsequently removing them. He also drops yellow feathers on her, and even sends a message for Ren to report to room 109, where he has the school band playing “Dancing Queen” (terribly.) I love this part. This is another thing that counts as music humor for me, which y’all know I’m a giant sucker for. The band is just so bad. It sounds as if every band member is on life support and being forced to perform on the verge of their last breath. They literally sound like they’re dying. Just think of the 20th Century Fox sax, trumpet, and recorder fails for an idea of what it sounds like... and times that by 10. Louis is conducting them and shouts “Javier!! That’s your cue!” which is absolutely hilarious to me. Sometimes, it’s the smallest details of this show that kill me the most. Ren walks in and Louis casually says “Isis!” When Ren asks “What did you call me?!” he responds with “I said ‘Hi, sis!’” Perfect. 

Ren pushes Louis out of the room and into the hallway to scream at him and it quickly turns from a scene I absolutely love to a scene that crushes my soul. Ren gets so fed up and screams “Do you think you’re funny?! I don’t. Nobody does! In fact, we all feel sorry for you because we’re out living busy, productive lives and you have... ugh, I don’t know... NOTHING! So just BACK OFF, Nothing Boy!” - The “nothing boy” remark was always a little cringy to me. Not the greatest insult, but it’s just so sad. She kinda hit Louis everywhere it hurts the most. He’s always struggled with feeling like he has nothing special or unique about him in comparison to everyone else. The one thing he does have is comedy, and she says he sucks at that too. Dang. He just stands there and sadly takes the beating. I’m upset. 

Louis takes ~the gloves are coming off~ approach and suggests that the family should go to Tokyo Rick’s as his pick for the International Delicacy thing to reveal Ren’s secret to their parents. But later on, Ren genuinely apologizes to Louis. She admits to being a little jealous that she can’t seem to relax and have fun the way he does -- so she decided to sing karaoke as a way to let off steam. It’s actually really sweet. I love whenever we get nice sibling moments between them. 

I will say, there’s a funny bit where some random kid is using the water fountain near them -- he’s sort of eavesdropping so Louis BARKS at him to make him go away. Oh my god. It’s one of those out of left field moments that help make this show great. I wonder if this was an ad-lib...? If it was, I love Shia even more and I didn’t think that was possible. 

Is it just me or does the kid look EXACTLY like Coach Tugnut? I’ma bout to ask Jim Wise on Twitter if he’s related to him...

EDIT: I asked. I was right. (tweet)

EDIT EDIT: I was not right. Turns out Jim was pulling my leg??? haha. We cleared this up in our interview with him. So embarrassing. 

Louis accepts Ren’s apology, but it’s too late. Ma and pops are already at the restaurant. Oh, boy. 

Louis obviously feels bad at this point. When he gets to the restaurant, he does everything in his power to distract Steve and Eileen from seeing Ren on stage... but fails. They’re shocked to see her. Ren was singing “Dancing Queen” again btw (is that the only song she knows, orrrr?) and her outfit got an upgrade.  

Ren apologizes again and explains the whole situation to their parents. They’re surprisingly understanding! They agree that everyone should have some crazy fun every once in a while. The episode ends with Steve wearing Ren’s wig and the whole family singing “I’ve Got The Music In Me.” It’s hysterical. And ironic, because none of them have the music in them. Especially Louis. Seeing him dance and sing is truly the 8th wonder of the world. What goes through Shia’s mind while he’s playing this character? I want to know.

How does this kid go on to be a drummer? Explain. 

And that’s it! Like the majority of Season 1 episodes, this one is a little slow paced.. but it works here. It’s part of the charm of the first season. I love it. I originally had this ranked towards the “worst” half of the list, but upon re-watching I found a lot of things to like about it. Between Twitty’s awful hit single, the terrible school band, Ren’s performance and the family sing-a-long.. what’s not to love?! It’s a bit of a rollercoaster between Louis and Ren but ultimately turns out fine, which always feels like a well deserved and happy conclusion. I also like how this episode isn’t necessarily a Ren plot or a Louis plot, it’s blended and I love when they’re able to do that and have it flow so well. Also, if you’ve never seen the episode before.. it’s sort of a genuine mystery leading up to the reveal. It’s actually difficult to figure out what Ren’s been doing. It’s a pretty solid episode, imo. But, not the greatest. 

Thanks for reading! Thoughts? :)

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Here I present to you; the bee movie script~

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*x files theme plays*

1000 candles in the wind

2 spooky 5 u

An Actual Serious Page

congradulation, u just played urself

damn daniel

Donald Trump

fuck you

haha wtf

HE PISSES ME OFF

HE PISSES ME OFF PART 2

HES THE ZODIAC KILLER PART 2

HES THE ZODIAC KILLERASDFJKLGHLJKTGRIHFIUREIGRHOIFGHIOGEOIPREOIHTFGJNREOIJ

ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED

liek if u cri evrytiem

team rocket

the entire bee movie script

WCKD IS GOOD- ZEEEEEW

WHAT ARE THOSEEEEEEEEEEE

what????? u want memes?????

when u run out of ur fav cereal

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the entire bee movie script

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular

regular

u good?

[lyrics2world]

Under Pressure Lyrics Logic

Under Pressure Lyrics Logic Song From Under Pressure.Song Sung By Logic.Song published 2014.

Song Credit

Song - Under Pressure Artist - Logic Album - Under Pressure Released - 2014 Genres - East Coast Hip-Hop, Hip-Hop/Rap

Under Pressure Lyrics Logic

Work so fucking much my greatest fear is I'ma die alone Every diamond in my chain, yeah, that's a milestone (Keep doing it, I'm loving it) People calling me, asking me for money, man The only thing I'mma give you motherfuckers is the dial tone

Flashbacks of a youngin' sipping that purple Kool Aid Skipping school with my homies and chiefing reefer for two days Running from the law, living how I'm living, fuck 'em all Bumping Triple Six Hennessy in my cup, driving through the sticks Who the bitch riding with me? Man, the devil tryna get me Motivated, under-educated, and hated But finally getting cake like a happy belated Bitch I made it, we on Buy it, break it, roll it, light it, smoke it, inhale it Write it, record it, mix it, master it, press it up, unveil it Feel like I've been waiting forever, forever to inherit This is war, I declare it Time is money, I can't spare it Futuristic, so simplistic Please decipher my linguistics Slow it down, Robitussin I'm the king, ain't no discussion And now we blowing up like spontaneous human combustion My consumption is the illest Section eight, I know you feel this On the come up, where they run up on you for nothing at all Brighter than eleven suns, this the first, where my funds? EBT, that's the card I thank God, I thank God, but it's hard, but it's hard

Work so fucking much my greatest fear is I'mma die alone Every diamond in my chain, yeah, that's a milestone People calling me, asking me for money, man The only thing I'mma give you motherfuckers is the dial tone

God damn, god damn, we at it again Me and my homies that know me blowing up like the Taliban Yeah, my stress up, but I'm blessed up Fuck around and get messed up When I murder the rhyme, I'm living divine You know that I'm one of a kind Lemme get it right now, ho Draped up and I'm dripped out, right now, ho Caked up 'til I cash out and I got 'em all wondering how, so On the down low, haters drown slow On the down low, haters drown slow Oh God, my God, we got it all right Oh God, my God, we gotta get it, right? These fuckers facades, they just a mirage, right? I said these fuckers facades, they just a mirage, right? Tell me that they love me, know damn well that they don't give a fuck I be on that finger flipping killing shit up in the cut That's what's up All these bitches out here tryna gas it up This is everything I ever wanted, I can't pass it up Life changed in a year, couldn't happen fast enough "Can I do it like you do it?" That's what they be asking us White Benz, black card, bitch better get your plastic up Man, this shit is hella hard, but we never acting up Live it up, hold on to your dream, don't ever give it up Finally had my share of success, and shit, I can't get enough Now they know my name through the nation Cause my single like that good shit, man, always in rotation Now they know Logic for Logic, not through my affiliations Stacking profit on profit, from this music I'm making Even Jesus had haters, so when you feeling forsaken Tell 'em jealous Judases who this is, and man, that'll break 'em And bitch I'm still the same Dash of auto tune so y'all can feel the pain Broke as fuck, back in that basement, not a dollar to my name (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Chasing fame, chasing glory, 'til the day we make a story Positive that life ain't mine, bitch you can take that shit to Maury

Work so fucking much my greatest fear is I'mma die alone Every diamond in my chain, yeah, that's a milestone People calling me, asking me for money, man The only thing I'mma give you motherfuckers is the dial tone

(Hello, no one is available to take your call) I been working hard, I been searching for God I been working hard, I been searching for God (Please leave a message after the tone) Little brother, this is your sister, you're busy, I get you But I insist you call me back cause I miss you I wish you well, well, I wish you would call Cause lately it feel like I’m just not your sister at all, all I’m sorry for calling and bawling, I’m all in And I feel like I'm falling lately, it feel like my children hate me You tell me I'm beautiful and yet no man wanna date me Haunted by vivid memories of that man who raped me And lately I, I feel more and more like mommy, I know I’m me, but still You always seemed to pick up the phone and somehow I feel Better, but you been answering me lesser and lesser So I resorted to the pills in my dresser, I'm gone And as for... he left and he ain’t coming back I hate him and if I see him I swear I tell him that No longer cooking crack in my kitchen, cutting an' selling that He broke my heart, that relationship been to hell and back I been working hard, I been searching for God I can feel the Devil around me as they all applaud Promise you won't forget me, that you'll always be with me And even when you gone I can call whenever he hit me Under pressure, I've been feeling under pressure

Hey, son, this is your father, don't mean to bother How are you? Heard you were in town, but I never saw ya Tried to call ya, where are ya? In Paris? What a beautiful destination To perish right by the Eiffel, come now, please don't be spiteful Of all my small talk, I think we're overdue a long talk When I see kids around the way I say how I'm your dad It gets me thinking 'bout incredible moments we've had And on the real I'm trying so hard not to bug you But do you think you could stop rapping about my drug use? I'm two years clean, no longer a fiend Yeah, I'm 57, but I feel 19 And I love you I swear, Bobby, I know you're there And when the time is right I know that you gon' take care Of anything I need, of your family Can I have some tickets to your next show? Would you stand with me? Can I have some money for my new honey that's hella fine? I forgot to mention I got divorced from your step-mom My mind going crazy, but I still look hella calm Maybe you could tell *beep* I've been feeling under pressure

Hey, what's up, bro? This Ralph, I didn't want much, man, just calling to see what's going on. I know you're busy. Dad hit me up, it's his birthday today, but I know you know that. Yeah, he calling, he be tryna introduce me to his new chick and stuff, man, I don't know how to handle that. I don't wanna tell him like nah, I ain't trying to meet her off top, you know. So what you think I should do? Text me, I know you're busy, dawg. But he been calling me saying he wanna come down, he wanna bring his new chick and Brenda's like "damn, he really tryna rock out with his new chick" cause you know we all talk to Debbie. But I don't know, I don't know how to tell him this shit so just hit me back whenever you got the time, man, I know there's more shit on your plate. You ain't gotta hit me, dawg, but if you do I'd appreciate it. When you back, love you, do your thing. Swag RattPack all day, boy. Alright, nigga

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Yeah, dear family, I'm so sorry that I've been distant Everything changed in an instant, my time has been inconsistent I know that you been insisting, I know that birthday I missed it I swore I told my assistant, but I guess my mind is in another place Thoughts often in another world, I started seeing another girl It fell through, man, what a world But I'm so focused on my craft, on employing my staff Such a perfectionist, I can't even finish this draft This letter to the ones I love, the ones that I miss Brothers and sisters that hit me up just to reminisce Meanwhile people outside of my blood asking for favors I don't owe you a fucking thing, you best switch your behavior Truly remarkable how I barely know you, but somehow owe you When you don't even know 'bout the shit I go through We ain't spoken in a while, tell me sister, how your child? Come now, girl, give me a smile, come on, girl, don't do me foul Sorry I ain't call before, but I'm calling you right now I heard that you was popping E, stop resorting to the vowel How my mama, how she doing, does she know what I'm pursuing? I ain't talk to her in years, that relationship she ruined But sometimes I wake up and wonder just what the fuck I'm doing They say family is everything, I swear that shit the truth I should spend it all with y'all, but I spend it in the booth This is everything I love, this is everything I need Never sacrifice this feeling even though my heart it bleed This is everything I love, everything I need Never sacrifice this feeling even though my heart bleed Under pressure, I've been feeling under pressure

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Hey, son, I'm sorry I missed your call today, but I was in an AA meeting. A friend of mine was celebrating four years so I couldn't get you right then. And then when I did call you weren't able to answer or whatever. Just wondering how things are going. Jenn and I aren't together anymore. Living on my own, you know. Anyway, the whole family, even the family that you don’t know, my sisters and your aunts that you've never met are very proud of you. Your cousins just love you too. Anyway, son, I love you, I just want you to know that. And just keep grinding, you know. And I don't wanna hear you joining the Illuminati cause then I gotta kill ya. I love you, son, bye

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