#sorry for the long vent post i just had such a horrible day

[noagskryf]

Today was a rubbish day

Had a nightmare that was a bit too PTSD-ish for my liking so i woke up too early

The train was late

The bus was very late

I walked out of my biology class because i was so overwhelmed and upset

I had a meeting with a teacher during breaktime, which is when i usually eat my morning snack

The meeting overran and it threw off my plans for my free period

Ended up having a full meltdown in learning support to my very concerned SEND person

Didn't go to maths, spent it in learning support

Walked out of geography (but came back)

Now it was lunchtime, and i realised that i hadn't eaten all day and i was actually just very very hungry

My bus was 35 mins late on the way back home and i nearly missed my train

[halloweendeity]

.

[justmossyaps]

it’s joever

[dollcherray]

may I request part 2 of the creepy doll reader? mainly with Jax and her starting to show him kindness... like head pats when he saves one of the cast members! :) this is something I thought of randomly: jax is minding his business while everyone is playing with digital flowers that came made for an experiment. then the reader walks up to him with something behind her back, Jax turns his head away and braces himself, scared, but instead of an axe he feels... something light on his head? he looks up and sees a flower crown on his head and he then looks at the reader with a confused look. there's a long pause but before Jax finally speaks she cuts him off with "equality bi(beep)h" "there she is" Jax says with sarcasm in his voice

๋࣭ ⭑ IRRITATING BUT LOVING ₊˚⊹

ᛝྀི JAX WITH CREEPY DOLL READER PT 2

₊˚⊹♡ Notes: Honey i am HORRIBLY sorry for the wait, i was on a long hiatus because of school but now im finally able to write for your request! (along with others) this post is somewhat of a part 2 from this post, the reader is fem in this, not proofread.

๋࣭ ⭑۶ৎ Type: Fluff, Platonic/romantic, Oneshot.

˚ ⋆ ⊹ Song: Playdate

Irritating.

It's all it was to him; blood boiling.

The people stuck here with him, the ambience, the circus, the fake names, the fake food, the stupid flowers.

And he still tried to keep his sanity together, even though it was getting more challenging for him every day he woke up in the same fake bed, in the same fake bedroom, but even if everything was overwhelming for him, he kept himself together.

But then you came along.

You made everything so much harder! scaring him off every time he tried to tease or prank you, threatening him mercilessly, why must you be like this?! why couldn't you just be like the others and get mad at him?!

Doesn't matter what he did, say or think, he was scared of you and it was also another thing that made him so irritated.

It was all he could think, not only now, but since the moment he realized your influence on him.

"Stupid doll girl, who the f@#& does she think she is" Jax angrily vented under his breath while he looked and fiddled with the flowers while crouched down the floor, his touches and eyes filled with disdain, his little way to inject his anger towards other things.

Unfortunately for him, he was so angry that he failed to check his surroundings and notice the source of his problems approaching him, with something she blocked from his view in her hands.

When Jax finally realized the doll girl was approaching, it was too late, she already was starting to raise her hands with the mysterious object.

The purple bunny only braced himself; preparing for whatever sharp object you had to meet his head, forcing his eyes shut and finally feeling-

...something light in his head..?

The bunny boy opened his eyes hesitantly, right eye first: checking if you don't have any other trick up your sleeve, once assured he fully opened his left eye, only to finally get a glimpse on your expression.

it was lovely...

A lovely and sweet smile plastered around your plastic face, eyes lifeless but somehow full of peace, what... did you put in his head?

A yellow gloved hand reached out for his own head, carefully landing his fingertips on whatever you placed on his head, gently brushing it to the sides, still cautious with the mysterious... hat? object? you putted above his head.

It was a flower crown?

Ok, sure, you were showing slight signs of you warming up to him, every time he did something cool or selfless you were there to "compensate" him for the kind action.

Yet he rarely did something nice, so to him it was just your little way to tease him, and it made him annoyed.

But... this was surprisingly nice, like you really meant to and it didn't make his digital blood boil.

There was a silent staring competition between you two after that "strange" interaction, but it didn't last long when Jax tried to open his mouth to talk only to be cut off by you.

"Equality, b#)$+@"

was all you said before turning around and moving to another place in the large set up garden, leaving Jax on the flowery ground, he couldn't help but smirk at your funny remark.

"There she is."

He said after the funny event.

the lovingly funny event.

[puffskeeter]

Hey I’m such a big fan of your art and I very much enjoy watching your YouTube channel 🤍🤍

And I want to ask you why you don’t ship the ppgxrrb and I want to hear your opinion about it which I can very much respect.

Plus another question that what type of fashion you think your au of the Powerpuff, Rowdyruff, and your Original Characters fall into between I really love how you draw them?

OMG TYSM!! I think i've seen your comments on my videos and TYSM for those too!! :D

I'll make a seperate post for my fashions/aesthetics for RRBORN characters! this one is pretty long even though i wanted it to be short lolz

Why i dont actively ship PPGxRRB:

I'm scrapping my drafted essay post about this for now because its really uncalled for and unnecessary. IDK sorry to anyone who looked forwards 2 it, but i just dont think i illustrate my point very well and more than half of it is lowkey a biased vent post and pure rambling. Either way this is the TLDR for the post you'll never see LOL.

But actually, I do ship PPGxRRB, i've just drifted away from it over the years. I think one of the biggest 'problems' i have with PPG x RRB is mainly with the portrayal of it. My main issue is with how a lot of people mischaracterize the RRB/PPG and completely deconstruct them as characters so that they can be love interests for the eachother and nothing more. One of my points in my scrapped post was that; I have no idea how an entire fandom managed to gender-bend the Bechdel test, but it is rare that i find PPGxRRB media where the RRB have actual lives, interests, hobbies, and friends that have nothing to do with the PPG. Half the time they can barely have a thought if it isn't about the PPG. As i said, Gender-bent Bechdel test.

Another point was that: ppgxrrb has gained a horrible reputation for itself over the years. Back in its "Glory" days, Toxic fans of the ships had bulldozed anything that differs from their favorite empty dynamics. Those usually being The Reds, Blues, and Greens. Nowadays i still see almost nothing in the realms of variety between creators interpretations of the ships. Almost every time i see a PPGxRRB post, it can fit into a set dynamic that the ship is already infamous for.

I want to be able to see the creators love and passion for their ships. I want to know how and why these characters ended up together. If a story is to be told, i want to hear it. I know that the majority of PPGxRRB creators are, by default, amateurs (they dont get paid and its not on a professional scale), but after seeing the exact same badly written love story hundreds , maybe even thousands of times with little-to-no variety, I've gotten bored and tired of people devaluing my favorite characters to be nothing more than overplayed dynamics and shipping fuel.

A lot of people like shipping because of the dynamics, but ship dynamics don't hook me in, and ive noticed that most PPGxRRB stuff is purely ship dynamics and nothing more. Theres nothing wrong with loving ship dynamics or being drawn to ships for their specific dynamics! I just dont care about dynamics, i care about chemistry and story. But most amateurs cant effectively show the chemistry or write the story, a lot of them can barely characterize the 2 characters in their ships.

FYI this isnt about anyone specific or even many recent fans of PPGxRRB. I've been in/around the online PPG fandom since before 2016, and a lot of my thoughts/feelings on the matter have a lot to do with stuff that happened over the years i've loved this series, and more specifically, The RowdyRuff Boys.

To be clear: When i say that they are mischaracterized, i'm not talking about HC's. I'm just tired of seeing the PPG and RRB dulled down into one-note personalities with stereotypical characterization and almost always no tangible character development. A love story is still a story, and a lot of shippers seem to half ass the "story" for favor of the "love".

I dont hate or even dislike PPG x RRB. I'm just really tired of rarely seeing people do the RRB justice, and i want these characters to be treated with the full respect that i think they deserve.

WOW this post is way to long already... still a lot shorter than my OG post. Sorry for being insane about the RRB. it will happen again.

[ladyluscinia]

I'm already so sick of how the fallout of ofmd season 2 has snowballed into people on here going "fandom these days just can't handle Bad Things happening in media-- newsflash, characters have to get hurt and die, grow up!" all condescending like. First of all, in the context of Izzy, most people I've seen discuss his death agree that they would've accepted and enjoyed his death if it had just been handled appropriately, and also. "You just can't handle bad things happening to your fave!" Bruh. We were all partying it up when Izzy lost his fucking leg and was suffering physically and mentally. It can be FUN to see your blorbo suffer!

And that is just one example of a larger trend on this site-- people are really gonna come onto the "we love putting our blorbos in the blender and watching them struggle and suffer" site and say "kids these days can't handle Bad Things happening to their blorbos." Sorry, but that's just nonsense. Fandom loves their fix-its, but they also love shattering their faves. The problem has never been Bad Things happening in general, but HOW those things are framed within the narrative and how that narrative is told. The problem is when something is out of place in its genre, or when it goes against a promise the show has made, or when suffering is used flippantly and uncaringly, or when a character suffers and suffers and then just when they've finally caught a break, they're kicked down again, just for a cheap tug at your heartstrings.

Both within the context of ofmd AND in a wider fandom context, fandoms LOVE when our blorbos are hurt, as long as our blorbos are hurt RIGHT.

... And I think it sure is Something that a fandom can have a rampant issue with fans of a character being harassed and sent death threats and that's just "normal fandom being fandom" but god forbid people feel Emotions. About a Character and a Show. And dare to react by... just Offering Criticism! No, death threats are "fandom culture that comes with the territory," but if you vent post or criticize a writing decision in media, THAT'S being "hysterical" and "overly emotional" and "truly frightening behavior!" I just LOVE (big sarcasm) how back when people were getting doxxed and threatened for liking a guy, the fandom was all *cricket noises,* but NOW suddenly everyone is "terrified and exhausted by fandom's volatility" and "concerned about the fragile mental health of fans" when you simply say "damn that episode sucked and I sure am sad about it."

The OFMD fandom was toxic as fuck for a year and a half and continued to be toxic as fuck for all the airing of S2, so hardly surprising that the aftermath of S2 appears to be... toxic as fuck.

Least surprising thing in the world is that the people who hated Izzy and passively or actively supported driving his fans out of the fandom for "ruining it for everyone else" now think his fans should leave the fandom if they are so upset and stop leveraging "baseless criticism" at the show that is "ruining it for everyone else." They have normal not-at-all-parasocial relationships leading them to directly @ David Jenkins and thank him for a season that somehow managed to be both flawless and have all its flaws blamed on MAX, but those wretched Izzy stans have horrible-evil-parasocial relationships making them harass the crew by *footage not found*

If Mr. Jenkins decides to go scroll the #ofmd s2 tag on tumblr and stumbles across me - a random blog and icon - outlining how I think he fucked his show up, that's pretty clearly on him? This is tumblr. I have no relationship with this man or obligation to tailor every word I say as if he's bound to see it and going to take it personally???

I'm actually a big proponent of "Don't @ the cast and crew about pretty much anything" because the same fandom mentality that makes you think you can randomly ask him about your headcanon like you're chatting is what all these people are melting down about if someone directly goes "hey you killed my favorite character and that makes me mad!" - same fucking people, same fucking parasocial relationship. The standard of "only @ them for good things" is the flimsiest fucking line, as any ao3 writer who has received unsolicited "constructive criticism" or "advice" can tell you.

If we want to snidely get into "what this is really about" well it's the same fucking thing it was before:

People substituting subjective opinion as objective fact with zero self-awareness of doing so. "I liked this so it's good." "I didn't like this so it's bad." "I got bad vibes from that character so he was clearly written to be horrendous and unlikable." "I sympathized with this character so anyone suggesting he has flaws is demonizing him."

Or the deepest circle of fandom hell: "I think [insert identity] rep is so important and this piece of media fits into however I personally define 'good rep', therefore it is flawless and/or morally significant enough to be above criticism."

...which, yeah, leads to temper tantrum levels of fandom infighting, especially since people online express, fairly frequently, "I didn't like it because it was bad" and then present evidence for their point. And also a lot of fandom likes bad TV. Or even just mediocre TV that's entertaining.

I personally was not going to be happy about any person beyond one-offs, blatant villains, and background randoms dying because "they had to" (for their own arc or someone else's) because I fundamentally think if you believe you've written yourself into that corner in a workplace comedy that's built around a main romance arc... you're kinda stupid. Yes, even if it's pirate themed. Enough injuries have been walked off and lampshaded to confirm that part is aesthetic.

The fandom wiki for The Office lists 11 deceased characters. Three of them are fictional characters who die in an action-movie episode. Two are one-offs that get named dropped seasons later as having died offscreen. One of them is an offscreen cat, who appears to have had a more significant death plotwise and emotionally than any of the humans, and another is a woman who literally exists as a picture someone makes up a personality for and then discovers the real woman died. The most significant character on the list is a temp boss that got a four episode story arc about being a useless idiot who died in the hospital after a basketball dunking accident.

That is a show that ran for 9 seasons and over 200 episodes. It's pretty universally regarded as good, and the cringe asshole boss getting genuinely moving emotional beats is a big part of that. I think we can maybe pretty confidently say that reflecting the random realities of death is not essential to every story.

If OFMD wants to be evaluated as a hard-hitting drama or a queer story about the struggle of piracy against the Evil Empire, I will compare it to Black Sails instead of The Office. I just don't think David Jenkins is going to enjoy that comparison.

I'm not going to lower my standards because [insert rep reason the show must absolutely be a wild success here].

[cinnbar-bun]

Important Message

So... haha... been almost a month since I really did anything on this blog...

Listen, I'm gonna keep it straight to you guys, the months leading up to my hiatus were, to put it mildly, some of the most disgusting I've seen in my years as a fanfic writer and fandom enjoyer. This is a bit of a vent post, because, well, genuinely, I really hope the fandom can get better. I'm assuming most of the bad experiences I've had came through people a bit younger/newer to fandom or tumblr/fanfic culture in general. If you want just an update on the blog, I will be posting that shortly after this one.

I'm going to list out some of the shit I had to go through (that I am sure many fanfic writers, but more specifically, POC fandom creators go through). This is a long post. Yeah, also, this is obvious but TW FOR: Racism (including slurs), Islamaphobia, sexism, death threats, suicide threats, harassment, and just flat out horrible behavior.

I'm gonna go list some of the slurs I've been messaged or called, I'll even rate them for you guys <3:

Camel jockey: oooo, haven't heard that one before. get more creative, 3/10

camel fucker: nice, bit more crass, still not original. 3.5/10, just a bit funny

Terrorist: wow, dude, oh my gosh, I can't believe I've never heard that one living in post 9/11 America! Wow! 0/10 try harder

I also don't know where the assumption came from that I was a hijabi... I am not. Calling me a BMO? Pretty unique but sadly does not fit me. :(/10

This barely scratches the surface of what I have dealt with after having been open about my heritage. I'm sorry my very existence offends you and requires you to come out and send me shit about hoping my family dies or that my favorite character brutally hurts me. I have read your messages, and after long consideration, I have decided to no longer be Middle Eastern. Yep, that's right, guys, I am no longer MENA! Don't worry about my family history or anything, I just choose not to be that anymore. There, now you don't have to send me messages about hoping my family gets killed <3

Let's see what else we should tackle.

Should I tackle the fact that I've gotten messages from others to update a fic or answer a request or they will try to self harm or commit suicide?

Should I tackle the fact that some have tried to pressure or guess my sexuality (dude, what the fuck)?

Should I tackle how I got messages from others assuming my place because of my religion?

Should I tackle how I've gotten weird ass messages from people getting mad at me because how DARE I not write certain things during Ramadan?

Should I tackle those things?

I'll save you the hassle, no, I really shouldn't have had to, but fact is, the One Piece fandom has to be some of the worst I've seen and interacted with purposefully in a long time. And I was in the Hetalia fandom way back when. I should not have dumb shit about "liberating" me or oh, oh, oh, I love this one! People asking me if I have 'full armament haki' (I hope you genuinely, genuinely, get the fuck off your phone and go outside. Maybe have a walk and go talk to actual people.)

I've met some genuinely lovely, beautiful, and kind people. They truly are some of the most talented creators I've seen, and I'm grateful they chose to befriend me. The good does outweigh the bad. But the bad? Oh lord, I think you guys are genuinely some of the most disgusting pieces of shits I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.

Fanfic writers are not your slaves. I have a full time job, I have a full time life outside of my tumblr and my writing. I write when I want to because I like to write, and fanfic is a good creative outlet. You sending dumb messages crying about no updates after four days of me posting a new chapter, or threatening to harm yourself because of this is disgusting.

POC creators, especially, are not your fucking tokens. I'm not here to break down every racial stereotype for you. I'm not here to be sitting there mocked with crap I already hear in my outside life. And I sure as HELL am not here for fake support only to be called slurs and mocked the minute I don't do something for you. You are gross, you are not funny, you are genuinely a horrible person and if your ideal vision of humor boils down to the Instagram comments section, all I'm saying is, I'm not wishing you anything positive.

If you read this far, thank you. Truly. This was difficult to place and write down, but it needed to be said, because even to this day I still get messages similar to before.

Do better, One Piece fandom. Do better. Because you are only going to lose the fans who really care and who put effort into making things. How far can you harass fanfic creators, and especially POC ones, with your bullshit before you lose out on things?

I don't need to 'move on'. My identity and my existence is on a completely separate wave than so and so idk, liking a ship or a character. One is fake, and one is literally who I am. Putting false equivalencies to the issues within fandom because it makes you 'sad' is shitty.

I've only given you an idea of what I had to deal with. Now imagine this constantly by random people, both on tumblr and AO3, and then imagine that also in your daily life, on the media, in the news, in the music, on the radio, in the books- fucking everywhere. It's exhausting.

Just... fucking do better. Actually fucking listen to POC. I got nothing else to add that wouldn't just be me repeating the same shit I and others have tried to say.

Just be kind, for gods sake, and remember that creators are human, not the silly avatars we choose.

[belit0]

Hii!! First of all, how are you? And how do you feel? I first wanted to thank you for doing such a beautiful blog. You truly have a talent to write and you write so well. I am always looking forward for any new posts of yours, i just love your blog so so much!!!!<333 I’m sorry i am so obsessed with your blog and how you write the Uchiha man so fine ans well. Can you maybe write about how Madara gets into an argument with his wife and it comes to the point where he hits her, (slapping or punching her because of his anger) he hits her so hard it causes a bruise on her skin. And how he will try to make it up for her and how he will react to it? Love you and your blog! 🩷

Helloooooo!! I just bought my first iPad ever, so I'm really happy about it!!! In my country, it is very difficult to get cases and accessories, so currently fighting for them🤣🙌🏻. I really appreciate your words and your presence, it genuinely makes me very happy to know people enjoy what I do and like my content.

Nothing to apologize for, I love that you obsess, and having someone to share my own Uchiha fixation with!!

With this request, I am revealing one of my biggest HCS about the Uchiha brothers: a violent authority figure, and all the traumas that come with it.

He is not proud, not at all. When his hand connects with her face it feels exactly like the first time his mother hit him.

(Y/N) falls to the ground from the force of the impact, and looks at him in disbelief. Her eyes are so wide they seem about to explode, and she holds the area where Madara struck her as a silent tear slides over her fingers. The woman seems unable to move, paralyzed, and the Uchiha feels life stop for a second.

Never in his life did he think of becoming what he hated so much, of adopting the same actions from the figure who took it upon herself to make his life a living hell as a child. Madara grew up traumatized by his mother's hands, the violence she imparted both verbally and physically, and tried to channel it all on him to protect his siblings.

When she finally passed away, he was left with lifelong scars, both bodily and psychologically, which he decided would help him to never become the horrible human being she was. For many years, he conducted his anger through war, the battlefield, and the death he carried on his hands every day.

With the new stage of peace, that ordeal was over, and so was his source of personal liberation. Sure, training with the Senju or his brother always brought significant physical relaxation, but no longer being able to attack with the intent to kill made the practice sessions seem like a joke.

Frustrated by his inability to release without killing, Madara lost that one important outlet for his anger, for venting his rage, and began to progressively accumulate it. Between dealing with a new village, his younger brother and the entire clan still reluctant to accept peace with the enemy, and leading an entire family, it didn't take long for him to explode in the worst possible way, and evoke all his childhood memories at once.

His body moved on its own, without him even analyzing what he was about to do, and (Y/N) had no time to react. 

They were arguing over genuine stupidity, the Uchiha not having washed the dishes he used for breakfast that morning because he had to rush off to a meeting, and his wife having to take care of it for him. (Y/N) had made it clear from the beginning of their relationship that she would not submit to being a housewife, to living for and by her husband, and that she would maintain her independence despite having Madara by her side.

How little tolerance she had for the one time he left something behind, only because he was in a hurry, got on his nerves, and he exploded thanks to all the accumulated problems he was carrying on his back. His open hand connected with (Y/N)'s cheek before he could figure out exactly what he was doing, and sent her straight to the ground with the force of the collision.

As he stared at his wife on the floor, he could only see himself as a child, tiny in the face of his batterer, small with no options and no way out. Circumstances managed to bring out the worst in him, what he thought he had overcome, and he had no tools to face such a scenario. He never believed he had any aspect of his mother in him, he promised himself never to be like her, and he had failed.

He felt dirty.

The Uchiha is speechless when seeing how his wife gets up and runs away, terrified by the cruel action of her man, and takes refuge in her brother-in-law's house. Madara can only listen, from the same place where he stood frozen after hitting her, as (Y/N) lunges against Izuna's front door, demanding between screams and tears to let her in.

Seconds later, and with a sepulchral silence in the air, the Uchiha senses how his younger brother walks into his home, a small and incredulous voice asking "What the fuck did you do, Madara?"

It has been years since he last cried, back when he thought he was about to lose the only immediate family he had left, that time when he held his Otouto close in his arms and prayed to the heavens and all their gods to let him live on.

Today, Madara surrenders to the ground again, falling to his knees and indulging in his anguish, reliving traumatic events in his mind like a movie he cannot pause. He has no words to explain, nor does he know what to say, and all he can do is allow the uncontrollable flow of his tears.

Izuna, perplexed, falls to the ground beside him, hugging him and knowing no questions need to be asked.

He himself was a victim of his mother, and his older brother protected him at every turn, taking all the beatings and holding back tears to look brave in front of his siblings. The younger Uchiha knows what this is all about, and he knows better than to say anything.

Engrossed in his journey into the past, he knows there is no way to help him at this point, and Izuna retreats without further ado.

Madara, on the other hand, lasts in the same position all night, completely blocked by his emotions and unable to regain control over his body. He has been subjected to all kinds of tortures, faced the greatest warriors, and dealt with unimaginable powers on the battlefield, but nothing compares to this.

The next day, he can do nothing but disappear from the face of the earth, isolate himself in the old Uchiha compound, lose track of time in his family's abandoned territory, and continue to punish himself for what he did. He returns home, to the house where he grew up amidst punishment and abuse, and walks through each room, mentally seeing the image of his mother above him, harshly beating him.

He will stay there as long as he thinks necessary, without eating, without drinking water, tormenting himself until he thinks he has purged all his ills.

[just-antithings]

UNDERAGE Teenagers at the Rayman fandom on twitter are making call out posts on porn accounts (some which contain graphic works) and rather than tell these teenagers they’re are far too young to be engaging with such works , antis in the fandom are instead shitting on the artists who made 18+ accounts with clear tags used for daring to draw Rayman engaging in anything more extreme than vanilla post marriage sex.

The Rayman fandom loves blaming Captain Laserhawk for the uptake in discourse/drama but the truth is for a long time the fandom has had an issue for making call outs on people just simply making porn. Apparently one artist known as Raywindly was a horrible transphobe but her entire call out was exclusively focused on her having liked rape fanfics. Said call out was written by someone who was outed for being a hentai fan.

A more recent example is one from January where an artist called radomartist made a “good pup” au where Mr Dark keeps Rayman as a sex slave. The call out on them , which feature their porn being reposted, talked about radomartist sexaulising Rayman as a child. But in the good pup au Rayman is an adult. These antis made an entire thread , reposted porn they thought was that of a child character to an audience of actual minors and didn’t even get that piece of information correct.

The antis in this fandom basically encourage this behaviour of reposting porn where MINORS can see it instead of just blocking, they encourage spreading misinformation before even doing the bare minimum of fact checking, which is going to make it so much easier for actual predators to hide in the fandom. It’d be less stressful for everyone if they just told each other in PRIVATE about artists who make stuff that makes each other uncomfortable.

“Oh but the art was illegal-“ Then why have ”illegal art” saved to your own hard drives?! And then share it?! To actual children and teenagers?!

Would you do that if those were images of an actual human child being abused?!

I’m sorry if this came across as aggressive, but it genuinely pisses me off how these people preach “protect children!” When in actuality they’re just creating an environment that’s going to push vulnerable children and teens into the arms of the very predators they’re trying to fight against.

I have blocked the antis but I feel even doing that has put a target on my back so I hope it’s okay I vented about this here.

Happy Easter and trans visibility day 🩷🩵🤍🩵🩷

.

[straycidio]

MATILDA

pairing: bf!bangchan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, comfort

warnings: reader is anxious, talking about depression, mentions of food, insecurities, swear words, family issues, idk if there’s anything else

a/n: this is my first post aaaaaa, i hope you like it, i decided to do comfort bc it’s my favorite genre, tell me if there’s anything wrong

ᯤ now playing: matilda by harry styles

★ ☆ ★

he had seen it. everything. every time you were anxious, sad, when you felt like everything was wrong. he had seen it, but you didn’t notice. chris really tried to help you, but you just didn’t want help. you thought it wasn’t noticeable, maybe for other people it wasn’t.

but you boyfriend saw everything.

everytime you stated at yourself too long in the mirror, everytime you locked yourself in the bathroom for hours, when you came late from work, when you didn’t have energy to work at all. he did notice. maybe it was time to do something about it.

“are you okay?” his sweet voice asked. you were in front of him, but you weren’t there. you were barely touching the food he spent hours doing even after a whole day at work.

you looked up at him and saw his worried face. “i’m fine” you lied “i’m just sleepy”. you hated to lie to him but you truly didn’t want him to worry. not with everything he had to do at work and the comeback he was preparing. it would be too much.

“you’re not. you seem so distant”

the confidence he used in that sentence surprised you. how could he know it? you’ve been hiding it so well. you probably just couldn’t pretend anymore. “i really am, don’t worry” you smiled at him and he looked down to his plate, empty, while yours was still full. you observed him quietly for a few seconds when he decided to glance back at you.

“when will you stop pretending, y/n?” he said, touching your hand. your eyes opened wide and your mouth did the same to defend yourself, but he interrupted you. “you can lie to everyone, but not to me. please, do not lie to me”

your eyes watered at his words, you were speechless. you couldn’t say anything because he was right. you couldn’t lie to him. he would always find out.

“i…” you tried to formulate a sentence, but the worlds didn’t come out. “i’m sorry” a single tear ran down your cheek. you quickly used your thumb to wipe it, but chris grabbed your wrist and he did it instead. your eyes were connected and you somehow you felt the warmth you’ve wanted to feel all this months. the protection you needed.

“hey, no, no, it’s okay” he said, standing up and walking to you. he leaned towards you and kissed your head. he later took you in his arms and sat on the couch to sit you on his lap. “what’s wrong, baby?”

you tried to explain, but you just couldn’t put the words together, it didn’t make sense. he watched you struggle, and decided to pat your head. “you’re okay, hm? it’s okay, we have all the time you need” he comforted you with a gentle kiss on your cheek and hugged you while you let out more tears. your sobs started to become louder and your breathing quickened. you hid your face in the crook of his neck, his t-shirt started getting wet. “please, talk to me” he asked one more time “what’s wrong?”

“everything is wrong! i-i just can’t do this” you sobbed. he didn’t answer, letting you more time to continue. “life keeps sending me lessons b-but all i want to do is brush my teeth and shower normally… i can’t even do that! i… just can’t.” you vented

“no, you can” he said surely “you’re so strong, you can do it. you might feel like you’re dying but you’re not. it will be fine”

“that’s what i’ve been saying for years now… but it keeps worsening” you tried to catch your breath between your sobs and cries “my family, myself… what it’s wrong with me? why am i like this?”

“like what, y/n?” he asked sweetly, analyzing your face all the time “like horrible!” you yelled, and when you watched his face you tried to calm down. “not even my own family likes me, chris” you whispered.

“let it go. it’s not your fault. you can let it go, love” chris said, connecting his eyes with yours. “it is-“ you were interrupted by him “no, it is not. it’s been years and it hasn’t changed because you don’t want to let go. you don’t feel capable and keep punishing yourself. but i don’t believe that time will change your mind. in other words, i know they won’t hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go”

“but i’m so sorry for them…” you tried your words to make sense, but they just didn’t.

“you don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up. anywhere you go, you don’t need a reason ‘cause they never showed you love. y/n, you don’t have so be sorry for doing it on your own”

after half an hour of crying, your breathing calmed down and his arms felt more comfortable than they ever had. your eyes felt heavier each time and chris noticed. though your cheeks were still wet and you eyes were still red, something felt different. you felt better, your chest didn’t hurt anymore, it was easy to breath. chris kissed your face sweetly and when you smiled at him, he did the same.

“my beautiful girl” he whispered next to your ear. “let’s go to sleep” he then lifted you up and carried you to your bedroom. he grabbed one of his sweaters and put it on you, to later open the bed and get you inside.

“thank you. i’m sorry” you sighed. “you don’t have to be sorry” he said gently, to kiss your face multiple times and later cuddle with you

“i love you” you muttered. you waited for an answer for a few minutes until you gave up until you focused on sleeping.

“i love you more”

@ straycidio 230709

[bloodredfeathers]

Hands

What I think the boys hands are like (in a non sexual way stfu)

Characters: Jamil Viper, Idia Shroud, Jack Howl, Trey Clover

A/N: My first fanfic/hc work that I wanna post because I've been tempted to start but idk I've just been hesitant, please enjoy and send requests if you want! Also the drabble parts kinda get longer with each character I'm sorry I couldn't control it lol 🧡

Gender neutral reader, established relationship in Jack and Trey's parts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jamil Viper

Soft hands

Very gentle

Long and slim fingers

His hands have a very comfortable warmth to them, even in winter

They never get sweaty. Like...absolutely never. It's almost weird

"Jamillllll!" Yuu whined. "My hands are cold!"

"Well I told you to bring gloves," Jamil sighed. Yuu never listened, insisting that they'd be fine because "the cold never bothered them anyway!"

Yeah no, it was mid winter, and incredibly cold.

"Please! At this rate I'll get hypothermia! Or frostbite!"

Jamil rolled his eyes, taking his hands out of his pockets and encasing Yuu's hands in his own.

"There, is that better?" Jamil asked.

Yuu nodded, feeling very happy with this outcome. You see, they weren't exactly THAT cold, they just wanted an excuse to hold his hand.

Idia Shroud

Bros got cold hands lol

But it's like that comfortable cold if ykwim

His fingers are also long and thin

And he has that skin whiter than Casper The Ghost so you can see a lot of his veins

Since he's a gamer boy too, his hands tend to be a little shaky when not occupied

I just wanna hold his hand tbh I love him

Idia jumped in surprise when his bedroom door suddenly (and loudly) slammed open and in stomped Yuu, red faced and slightly sweating.

"Um..." Idia hesitated. "Are...you okay?"

"No! I am not okay!" Yuu growled in a frustrated manner. "It's hot as balls out there and Coach Vargas had us run a mile before making us play a horribly intense round of capture the flag! And of course I just HAD to be the one to go against Jack who's naturally good at everything workout related!"

"Woah, bummer," Idia had no idea how else to respond, Yuu had already been panting and sweaty when they entered his room, but now after their vent, it seemed like they could hardly breathe.

"And now I have a horrible headache and feel like I'm going to die of heat stroke!" Yuu sat on Idia's bed, looking dejected.

Idia stood from his gaming chair and grabbed a soft cloth before sitting beside Yuu.

"Idia, what are you doing?" Yuu asked a slightly red faced Idia.

"I uh..." Idia paused. "Just...just be quiet and put your head down!"

Yuu did just that, and Idia used the cloth to wipe the sweat off of the back of Yuu's neck. He then placed his hands there, feeling just how hot it was.

"Great sevens your hands are cold!" Yuu exclaimed. "But that does feel nice..."

Idia smiled, glad he was doing something right.

(Sorry that was really long I've had Idia brainrot for like two weeks-)

Jack Howl

Big hands big hands big hands-

Another man with warm hands

Sort of rough and callused to the touch

But he knows he's strong so he tries to be gentle

Still very pretty hands, like Hozier's but with thicker fingers

My dirty thoughts are taking over JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL-

"JACK!" Yuu yelled before pouncing on Jack's back, clinging like a koala. He dropped the ball he was holding to quickly secure his hands around Yuu's legs to keep them in place.

"Hey Yuu, what brings you here?" Jack crouched, and Yuu dropped to the ground.

"Nothing really," Yuu said, smiling. "It's just a really nice day so I figured you'd be out here!"

Jack's ear twitched before his tail began wagging subtly. Of course Yuu knew that, with the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze, Jack would take the advantage to be outside.

"Ah yeah," Jack said, unsure of exactly what to say. "I just thought I'd do some outdoor training while the weather's nice."

Yuu smiled and picked up the ball Jack was holding before.

"I never knew you liked rugby!" They said in wonder. Jack's ears flattened slightly in embarrassment.

"I'm not really into football," he said. "But I do like rugby. I find it fun."

Jack reached out to take the ball from Yuu, his hands brushing over theirs. He tucked the ball under his left arm as Yuu grabbed his right hand.

"You have nice hands..." Yuu said as they inspected Jack's hand, playing with his fingers and running their own over the back of his hand. Jack's ears flattened to the sides even more and he felt his face heat up, but his breaking point was when they raised his hand a bit and placed a gentle kiss on it.

He couldn't focus on anything after they said goodbye and left. He just sat in the cool grass, looking at his hand, still blushing at the thought of their lips on it.

Yuu broke him. It's his first relationship cut him some slack!

Trey Clover

He also has long slender hands and fingers

And his can range between being warm and being cold

Usually though his fingertips are cold but his palms are warm

His hands are always clean, a habit he picked up because of baking is constant hand washing

It's obviously not a bad thing, I'm just saying he's always washing his hands out of habit

Trey whistled a cheery tune as he mixed the egg whites and the sugar for his meringue. Once the desired stiff peaks formed, he retrieved the ice cream and cake layers from the freezer, finally coating the treat in the meringue.

Yuu walked into the kitchen, sighing happily at the scent of the sweet treats their beloved was making. They wrapped their arms around Trey, hugging him from behind and leaning into his back, enjoying the comforting warmth.

"Whatcha makin?" They said lazily. Trey smiled.

"Baked Alaska," he said. "I've never made it before, but it seems to be going well! I'm almost done, I just need to torch the meringue."

Trey grabbed the crème brulee torch he had on the side and lit the baked Alaska, watching it be consumed in gentle orange and blue flames.

Soon enough, they extinguished themselves and the meringue had a beautiful, crispy golden brown shell.

"Wanna try some?" Trey asked, and Yuu nodded excitedly, watching as he carefully sliced the baked Alaska and offered them a spoonful of the treat. They gladly accepted it, and it was absolutely delicious. Trey chuckled quietly and used his thumb to wipe a bit of ice cream off of the corner of Yuu's mouth.

His hands were gentle, and Yuu couldn't stop watching everything they did. He moved gracefully, but his hands especially so. As he washed his hands, grabbed something to cover the rest of the dessert, placed it in the fridge, cleaned up his workspace, all Yuu could do was watch how his hands worked.

"You're staring," Trey observed, not looking up from where he was wiping the counter. "Is something up?"

"Nah," Yuu said. "You just have really pretty hands."

Trey stopped working and looked at Yuu, then at his hands, and back to Yuu.

"You really think so?"

Yuu nodded, placing a hand atop his, running their thumb along the back of his hand and smiling gently, which in turn, caused Trey to smile as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And we done! Lmk what you thought and if you think I should write more!

💥~Akira~💥

Also bonus for what I mean by Jack's "Hozier Hands"

Hozier has like the prettiest hands I'll cry

[staggersz]

Loss of vision huh. Oh the angst potential, I can feel it. He's trying to be the nice guy everyone knows he was before, but with the frustration of having to learn to live with just one working eye I can see him lashing out more easily and startling his family. And I bet he doesn't even have baseball to use for venting out anymore. Again, the angst potential is just delicious.

By the way, do any of the other boys also get some kind of permanent injury?

I swear I love getting your questions in my inbox because it means I get to go into detail 😋

Bruce also has gotten major head injuries, so he suffers from Post Traumatic Amnesia. One of those effects is being distant or lashing out, while other times he’s clingy and is emotional.

He absolutely hates going back to school because he can feel people staring at him like he’s a science experiment through a looking glass. He thinks he looks creepy and weird with his scar.

He feels bad about lashing out at his family. He says sorry, and is just embarrassed about getting mad.

Bruce played baseball for a bit when the season rolled around, and he was exceptionally good at it again. But when his coach told him he was gonna let him go, Bruce just quit on his own. He felt humiliated.

Speaking of life long injuries, there’s a bit ! TW for graphic depictions I guess if you wanna stop here!

Griffin can no longer speak. He has a nasty scar across his neck, and it was so deep it cut his vocal chords and trachea entirely (surprisingly there are ways to survive this 😭)

Billy has a deep cut on his cheek, and on the side of the neck, though those don’t effect him that much. He has trouble walking sometimes from all the wounds he had gained on his back in it’s entirety. He had to wear a back brace for a bit when he left the hospital. He also has a cut just above his heart, which luckily healed.

Vance has a huge cut across the bridge of his nose. He had his nose broken exactly one year apart in this basement, which causes swelling and bruising, difficulty breathing, and nasal obstruction. He went way longer than 14 days without treatment ! He also has nasty burns on his forearms from when his arms were forced on to a stove. That was one of the only times he cried. Vance also has a huge gash across his stomach. That hurt really bad for him, but the shock kind of numbed it. He just found it unbelievable.

Besides all the scars on Robin’s arms and legs and what not, he has a few stab wound marks on his chest. He got them right before they all escaped, so he was able to get to a hospital. He also had one of his teeth forcefully pulled out by The Grabber. Robin isn’t a fan of smiling after that, but he’ll still grin occasionally. Overall, Robin is just horribly insecure of his scars. He hates literally every single one.

Just like the movie, in the fic, Finney had a failed escape attempt. When he was brought back to the house, he tried to fight back, but ended up gaining a pretty awful scar on his shoulder and two less deep cuts the sides of his arms, just like all the others had.

I hope I’m not forgetting anything because that’s all the lifelong or most damaging injuries I can think of for each one!

[tokki-tteokbokki]

hi my little rice cakes🤍 it’s been a while.

can i give you an update and vent?

a lot has happened. the biggest thing being that i’m sick.

it turns out i’ve been sick my whole life. because of neglect and abuse, my illness went undetected for so long.

i knew i always had health problems but it was at least manageable most of the time. until i got covid for the first time in february of this year and it’s destroyed my body.

it infection set back all the progress i had made and made me sicker than i have ever been.

through post covid period, it aggravated a condition i was born with. i didn’t know for so long.. there was a reason, a real reason why i felt so bad. i’ve also developed other comorbid conditions.

unfortunately, there’s no cure or treatment that can reverse the damage done. it’s all symptom management and further damage prevention.

further, the healthcare system in my country is horrible.

i’ve been trying to adjust to life change but it’s so hard and i’m so alone. i’ve lost my independence, my body, my health… the life i used to have.

i’ve lost all of my in person friends except for one. i spend my days at home in bed, at doctor’s appointments, in hospital, researching treatments, trying to get access to treatments.

all the dreams and aspirations i’ve had are gone now. if i ever get lucky enough to be well enough to pursue the things i love again, i’ll never take it for granted. even just the ability to sit at my desk, i’d give anything to have a fraction of the strength i used to have.

i’m sorry this was such a depressing post, i wish it could’ve been something like dropping a new series, going to skz concert, or an update that would’ve made my readers proud..

thank you to everyone who interacts with my writing. all the notifications i get never fail to bring a smile to my face🤍

really, thank you🤍

love, tokki🐰

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Hiiiii!!!

The Hindi songs guy again (salaamat recommendation, if "Hindi songs guy" is too vague)! Firstly, thanks for telling the name of the song, I listened to it and *sighs* it was them!

Secondly, i didn't know you were from India too! Got to know some days ago from your posts, and then just read your post when you were drunk and telling about India. And I fully agree, it was accurate (and as a North Indian, I'm sorry for the racism🙊). And I'm also sorry about the transphobia and every other awfulness you might've experienced. I love youuuu (sorry if this is too weird🙆🏻‍♂️). Also, the career prospects thing was 100% true: I was 'supposed' to become a doctor, but I had taken science just coz i liked it, and then there was a three years long tragic battle against doctor as a career, and then finally after a failed suicide attempt, I was able to choose English Literature, and things are only now (5 years after the fact) looking better....sooooo I guess your fears about college are totally valid but it will be better, you'll meet great people and learn so much beautiful stuff and create sooo many brilliant thingss! Again, I love youuu (and again, sorry if all of it is too much info, too weird, I'm just...weirdly emotional, idk why)

Thirdly, I really like your name! Asmi is a beautifullll nameee!

Fourthly, sorryy for the long and weird ask, just... I'm glad to know someone else from India here, who's also a Good Omens fan and evidently a lovely person. Sooo lots of long tight hugss!

Lastly, sorry for all the sorrys, and you can totally ignore this if it's uncomfortable or anything (if you couldn't tell by the sorrys, I'm super self-conscious, so thanks for the anonymous option)

Love and hugss, and best of luck for college, for your art, and life in general!❤️

Hey anon maggot! I'm so happy you listened to the song and loved it.

And thank you so much for sharing this with me. It's awful that you had to go through all of that, and I'm so proud of you for surviving. I spent three years preparing for medicine too (11th and 12th year, which caused me to fall sick and miss the NEET test, so I took a gap year etc) and I really did want it. Well, I thought I did. It was more that I didn't think I had any other choice.

TW: explicit mentions of transphobia and disregard and discrimination on the basis of mental health below. Skip the below paragraph if you need to.

I'm glad you're doing better. Yeah, I am not looking forward to college. I know there will be fun parts and all. But I had a go at college for three months back in August, and despite it being very liberal and open and stuff in theory, I had to drop out because the entire student body was isolating me because of my mental health and things my ex-roommate had said about me, and a lot of transphobia from the admin too. When I went to the dean and told her I felt unsafe and the environment was horrible, she told me to stop being so self-absorbed (and then denied she said that the next day to my parents). Luckily after the whole medical ordeal my parents had learned to listen to me and they helped me leave.

I will try again. It's just that it's... disheartening. That was design school, too, just like my next college will be. And I really did try my best. It's weird thinking about all that stuff because Tumblr and you maggots have kind of, well, healed it in a way, and given me such a safe space here that it feels unbelievable that the real world could be so, so fucking shite. Apologies for the vent here, but I do want to be honest, and I want everyone who's faced the same thing to know that they're not alone. Because I know so many people, too many, who've been there.

Thank god for Good Omens and you all. For the ridiculous amount of support and love and joy I've got here. It's easier to forget about all of it for a while when I focus on Crowley's pouts and Aziraphale smiling and making you all laugh.

And hey, you have nothing to feel sorry for. I'm so grateful to you for taking the time to write this. I love you too, anon maggot, so very much. Take all the tight hugs right back. I'm so proud of you for fighting for the future you wanted and deserved. I know it's not easy, both to fight with your internalised doubt and the others.

I'm so proud.

Good luck.

All the love, Asmi

[teadreamsims]

Putting non sims stuff below the cut. TW for complicated family stuff, brief discussion of abuse, and health scares (not me, dw I've not had a health scare)

So, my dad and I have a complicated relationship. He was really awful to my mum behind closed doors growing up. Not physically abusive, but emotionally abusive I guess you could say. He'd say the most awful stuff to her, treat her badly, he even refused to be around my you ger brother when he was born bc he was born with a cleft lip and palate. My dad also would accuse my mum of cheating with his brother (who passed away 17 years ago) and say that my brother had to be his kid bc she "used the toilet after he did and that must be how she got pregnant". Suffice to say he wasn't a nice person to her. But he was always good to me and I just never knew what he was like until I got older and they separated then divorced years after.

Anyway, all that to say he moved to Germany a few years ago and he rarely ever messages me or talks to me. And whenever he does he never asks about me or my life, only about himself. This year he even forgot my birthday and that really broke me.

Well, he just sent me a text message to let me know he had a stroke BACK IN MARCH and never thought to tell me. Despite everything, I'm devastated. I feel horrible for how hurt and angry he's made me in the past and especially the past few months with how silent he's been. And he's just dismissing all my worries and upset with "calm down I'm fine now I don't burden people" and I just. It's all a mess in my head bc I struggle processing emotions and grief and stuff. Her could've died and I wouldn't have known, you know? He says I'd have known but I feel like I wouldn't and that's what really hurts me. He didn't think I needed to know that my own dad could've died.

Sorry for the long post and vent. I don't want any sympathy or pity or anything yall, that's not what this post is for. I guess I just. Idk. I meed to get it out there bc none of my friends are really responding to me rn and I don't feel comfortable talking about it to my mum or younger brother bc their view of him is more negative than mine and I don't wanna put them in an awkward position. They know he's had a stroke bc I've just told them but they don't know any of what I'm feeling or thinking rn.

But um yeah. Stuff is weird and complicated rn and idk how I'm gonna get through work tomorrow bc this is all I'm gonna be thinking about and I don't wanna call out of work bc I really really need the money so I can save up for driving lessons and a car.

Thank you everyone who read this far and took the time to listen to me vent. I appreciate all of you and thank you in advance for understanding if I'm out of sorts the next few days

[abyssvi-blog]

Real and blunt VENTING POST. honest feelings about my void journey: TRIGGER WARNING. Extreme negativity, mentions of abuse and sexual assault.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I haven’t gotten into the void state still. I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed and disappointed in myself right now. I’m so sick of my life and I want to enter by the end of December. I’m still determined to get there though.

I can’t stand my abusive father. I just want to grab everything I own into a bag and run away again.

People ask me in DMs what my reason is and it’s due to previous sexual assaults, family issues and my reputation being damaged by previous friends in real life.

I am in my mid 20s. I do not have a job because I could not graduate college. I clean up after my father all day because of his dementia and abusive behavior because my own mother is too old and busy. I literally have to fucking WIPE HIS ASS cause he’s too fat and lazy to do it himself. I cook, clean up after him all the time and he never appreciates it. Instead I get hit or called a nasty name. I shit you not.

All my friends in real life has left me and I legit only have $500 in my bank account right now which is pathetic. Why you ask? I had to use my money for my dad’s bills.

I am applying for as many jobs as possible to get money to at least move out. I’m doing my best to help my mom but business is bad right now. We take turns taking care of my father but we both don’t want to do it. My own parents have once kicked me out before due to an argument. But I didn’t have anywhere else to go in the end so I came crawling back like a dumb puppy.

I have been on tumblr for a few years now. I’ve known about the void state for a long long time as you all can see. Im more than aware that the void is a part of us.

I was:

- listening to subliminals all day, reading the comments and feeling upset at how fast people entered.

- reading success stories and feeling happy for them but still jealous deep down.

- trying every binaural beat, meditation known to man.

- getting upset over drama in Tumblr with fake void state bloggers and some even charging $300 for affirmation tapes

- lying in bed all day to enter the void state then getting upset that nothing happens so I turn around to sleep

Before anyone tells me that I’m not trying “hard enough” and that “I’m not trying in the slightest to stay positive,” that I should try this and that…

Dude. I’m legit at my limit. Don’t you all think that I know people have done it before in horrible circumstances? Don’t you all think that I haven’t tried?

I’m doing my best to stay positive but it’s definitely now toxic positivity and I seriously need to vent. I’m fucking sorry for the extreme negativity. I see posts about how the void state is so easy and we all enter it but I just cry. Like if it’s easy, then why is it taking me this long? Just who the fuck did I piss off

I have never been incredibly disappointed in myself. I’m writing this because I can deeply relate to all of you. As a struggler, it’s insanely discouraging.