#sorry for the late reply but i don't use this blog anymore

[iclout]

Hi, would you mind letting me know how you upload songs? I try to do it from the web using mp3s, but I always get an upload error. I'd appreciate any help

hi! it doesn't let you upload the songs because of c*pyright I guess, I use audacity to add 10 seconds at the beggining of the song. If you need help you can find me on my main @baeinhyuks

[james-is-here]

This is for the Anon that wanted Seonghwa angst. I made it it's own post since the ask was so long but here it is. FYI, to any other Anon's, I openly welcome emoji anons. :)

Blogs: @demtttt couldn't tag you :/ @belladonna6-6-6

Tags: angst, Seonghwa speaks before thinking, talk of car crash, not much else i can think of.

"You're what?" "I'm sorry, Mn, I just-" "You're leaving me to go across the country? I-I can't live without you, Hwa." "Mn, you're sounding clingy, you can live without me."

You stared at Seonghwa, wide eyes slowly filling with tears as you stood from the swing set, standing in front of him. Your childhood park was empty and broken down, not really used anymore but the still standing swing set was where you and Seonghwa had most of your small dates and where you first met Seonghwa. "Take it back." "What?" "Take it back, you know how i feel about being called that, take it back." "You are though." "But you know that's how I show affection, it's not clinginess. How could you call your boyfriend clingy?" "About that..."

Inside he really didn't want to but he had to. He felt like he'd be kicked as a trainee if anyone found out. "About what?" You look at his eyes that are brimming with tears and watch as he removes a bracelet from his wrist. "N-No, Hwa, what are you-" It was the bracelet you made for him when you both started dating, a couples bracelet you called it instead of a friendship bracelet. It had beads with your nickname spelled out on it and yours had 'Hwa' on it.

"I-I think it's best if-" "Don't you dare break up with me." "It was hard enough facing our parents, I don't want anyone at the company to find out." "You're ashamed of me." "No, No, Not you-" "You said we'd be together forever, Hwa! Now your backing out just cause you're embarrassed that someone will find out that your gay?! That you have a boyfriend?!" "Mn, just listen-" "No, I see where I stand..." You take off your bracelet, snatching the other from Seonghwa's hand before pulling your arm back. "Mn, wait!" He wasn't quick enough to catch them as you threw them into the forest next to the park.

"Enjoy your life in Seoul." With that you run out of the park, shoving the low gate open as Seonghwa called out to you, one hand wiping your tears before you run down the street. "Mn!" He walked out the park a second later but you were gone.

A few days later, he was in Seoul, beginning his training and in his free time he tried to reach out to you but you never replied or he got a 'Message Not Sent' when ever he texted you. You blocked him, he realized. He really messed up and he can't even fix it.

He sulked as he closed the car door. He had just come back from his friends house which greeted him with a for sale sign, a red *SOLD* sticker made his chest feel tight. He was hoping he'd be able to apologize to you for what he did and how things ended. If he had to tell the truth, he'd say he still loves you.

He barely got to the door when his mom opened the door. "Seonghwa! Oh, honey, welcome home." "Hey, mom." "Well you don't seem very happy for debuting as a K-Pop Idol. What's wrong?" She steps to the side and lets him in, giving him a hug before bringing him to the dining room.

"What's wrong?" "I really wanted to apologize to Mn and tell him that all the dancing was worth it." "Mn? Ln Mn? Oh, hon, the Ln family moved out." "What?" He face fell as he stared at his mom. "Yeah...Actually, it was sold a week ago, they moved a month ago. Mrs. Ln told me they were moving to Shanghai because her mother-in-law's health was declining and they moved to help her father-in-law who's mobility wasn't the greatest." "They moved to China...." "Yeah. I'm so sorry Hwa..."

He felt so bad for what he did about halfway into his training. He regretted everything he said to you and he missed your hugs, your kisses, your gentle touch. How could he ever say you were clingy, what he did was unfair but it was already too late.

"I heard he visited the old dance club. Even until his last moment he was here he spent it dancing." "It's a good thing he's still dancing." "Yeah. Now come on, seemed like you needed a talk." "Where you taking me?" "Appa's out back. He doesn't know your here, silly." "Oh, right."

Years later, Seonghwa was rushing around backstage, running in and out of every room trying to find Wooyoung. He was told the boy was going to the bathroom but never found him.

They were at Music Bank for an award ceremony and there was a lot of idols there but there was one he just happened to bump into during his search and one he very much wasn't expecting at a k-pop event.

"I'm so sorry." "It's okay, are you looking for someone?" "I am-" Seonghwa pauses when he sees their face. "Oh my god, Mn!" He smiles widely, hugging the male and not even noticing the others confused expression. "I'm sorry."

"U-Um...S-Sunbaenim? You know me?" Seonghwa pulls back completely shocked. "W-What?" "I-I mean i-it's really an honor to meet you, Sunbaenim, I really admire you and I'm kind of nervous now knowing that you know me." "N-No, you- Don't you remember me?" "I only know that you're apart of Ateez. I really look up to you guys, I think you guys are so cool." "What...Sunbeam-" "Sunbeam? Oh! You saw my movie too!! You know my characters nickname, Oh my gosh, that's so cool." You gush, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

Seonghwa refused to realize that you truly didn't know him. He felt like he was floating aimlessly in space and his head started to hurt. "You don't know me..." "I do know you-" "No, me. W-We were childhood best friends, we...we were each others firsts..." "O-Oh, I-I don't...I don't remember any of my childhood, I'm sorry. I-I only know your from Ateez." You then see the smiling face of who you would say your best friend is waving you over. "I'm sorry, Sunbaenim, I-I have to go." He watches you walk away, crashing into a tight hug and laughing with your best friend, Felix.

"Hey, you looking for me? Sorry, got caught up talking to..." Wooyoung notices the far off look on Seonghwa's face and follows his gaze, watching as Hyunjin comes up to the both of you, giving you a hug and then whisking the both of you elsewhere.

"Hyung? What's wrong? Did Mn say something bad to you?" The male inhales shakily, his chest tight as he clenches his jaw to stop a sob from escaping. "Hyung, woah, what's wrong?" Wooyoung was suddenly directly in front of him when he heard a small whimper.

"Th-That was Mn...m-my friend from Jinju..." "Oh, your first boyfriend, right?" "Y-Yeah, h-he doesn't remember me..." "Well, there's may be a reason. Maybe your parents know?" "Uh, right, maybe...maybe they still talk to his his parents."

He pulled out his phone and Wooyoung stayed with him the whole time. When his mom answered the phone, he was greeted by a different voice. "Hello, Mrs. Park is unavailable at the moment, this is Mrs. Ln, can I take a message?" "Mrs. Ln?" "Um, yes, who's this?" "I-It's Seonghwa, ma'am." "Oh! How are you?" "U-Um, I-I'm currently at an award ceremony but-" "Oh, Mn is there too. It's so amazing that he's gotten to this point and he hasn't been doing it for long." "About Mn..."

He hears her sigh on the other end before speaking. "You ran into him, didn't you." "Yeah..." "Um, when we were in China with his grandparents...we were driving one day to go see his grandmother in the hospital and...we were being his grandfather along as well. Everything was just perfect until...well, some hot head sped a red light. We were already in the intersection and..." He voice choked up and Seonghwa told her to go at her pace. "It crashed into my father-in-law and Mn's side of the car. They were going 90 and..." She takes a deep breath before she says something else. "It's your son. Telling him about Mn." She must've been talking to his mom.

"They were going 90 and...I don't mean to dampen your mood but Mn wouldn't be at that ceremony today if it wasn't for the amazing team that fought to keep him alive." "What...Ma'am, what was the last thing he remembered?" "Oh...he couldn't remember anything before...before you left. I mean he remembered the dance club and barely any of his school life but...he only remembered his family. I'm sorry, Seonghwa, but he couldn't remember you."

He inhales sharply, staring ahead as he processes the information, now processing the scar that traveled from above his eyebrow to his upper lip. "The scar..." He whispered to himself. "Yeah, I'm glad that he embraces it. If he didn't, he wouldn't have followed his dreams." With a shaky breath he exhales. "Tha-Thank you, Mrs. Ln." "You're welcome, dear. Good luck, okay?" He hung up, his arm dropping to his side.

"Hyung?" "He...He got in a car accident...h-he lost a lot of memories he...he forgot me..." "Oh..." Wooyoung moved to wrap his arms around Seonghwa who was stock still. He wanted to apologize, to take him back but what can he do now?

He knows everything about you but how can he start over when you don't remember him? He doesn't know what to do, he feels stuck.

Wooyoung took him back to their seat where he almost remained motionless. He looked calm and seemed to be enjoying the different groups but inside he felt almost crushed.

He lost his Sunbeam and now his world feels dark.

[heeluv02]

Cheater and Lover

Warnings: cursing, angst, mentions of cheating, break ups and heart breaks, sunghoon is a dickhead but also regret it, yn is heartbroken and so is jake. Lmk if I forgot anything!!

Genre: angst, fluff

Pairing: sunghoon x gn!reader x jake

NOTE: I started writing this on my main and left in in the drafts thinking I could still switch it to this blog but nope lmao so I had to transfer it over here so I'm hoping it did without any mistakes !! That's all, hope you enjoy <3. Also I got the divider from @cafekitsune !!

"I fucking hate you!!" You spin around and shout at Sunghoon. "I'm...I.." he doesn't know what to say, mind full of regret. "Why are you even still here??" Your eyes full with anger and tears. "I don't..I don't know" Sunghoon looks down, guilt showering over him. "I'm sorry" he says in a quiet, weak voice.

"Fuck you. I fucking loved you, you know that? And I fucking thought you did too but turns out I'm just your side bitch, hmm?" Tears start running down your face, still hard to believe that Sunghoon, your boyfriend of almost three years, has cheated on you. You were suspicious about the late night "meet ups" Sunghoon said he had to attend to with the guys but you tried not thinking much about it and thought that then is the only time they could've really done anything since their schedule was so busy.

But no. All this time he was meeting up with a girl. One of your friends saw them together and told you about it but you thought nothing of it. You knew...no...you thought you knew you could trust him, you thought you knew he wouldn't cheat on you. You thought you were his and he was yours.

You told Sunghoon you'd be out all night with some of your old friends to catch up, however you felt sick and had to go home earlier. That's when you caught the stranger on your boyfriends lap, making out with him. You felt your heart sink when you saw the two. You shouted at her, telling her to leave, before turning your focus to Sunghoon. After he admitted to what he did you found yourself here, yelling at him.

"You aren't a side..you're not a..I'm sorry" you hear him sniffling, crying and it makes you scoff. "I fucking trusted you, Sunghoon" You not using his nickname had him looking up at you. "yn-"

"Just leave" you cut him off. "I don't want to see you anymore" you turn around and cross your arms, more tears escaping your eyes. "I love you yn" Liar. "Give me another chance, please. I promise it won't happen again" he tries to convince you but you're smarter than that. You so badly want to give him another chance and run into his arms, feel him strong arms wrap around you and hear him tell you that it's okay, everything is okay. But you can't do that because you're only going to end up hurting yourself.

So with a deep breath you get yourself ready to answer him. "No, we're over. I can't be with someone who might cheat on me again, I can't." You try to say without letting out anymore tears. "Please, just leave" you say once more.

He nods, "I'll take my stuff tomorrow if that's okay". You only hum to let him know okay. He stands there for five seconds before leaving without a word. Leaving you alone, in tears. Good thing you had your close friend, Jake, in contact. You called him and told him to come over, when he heard everything that happened he never left your side.

He got you your favourite snacks and watched your favourite show with you, letting you rest against him. He knew you were in a horrible mood so he let you do whatever, he also didn't really mind cuddling with you.

When Sunghoon came by the next day you told Jake that you didn't want to see him and asked him if he could handle everything which thankfully he was fine with. He got all of Sunghoons things and gave them to him.

"You are?" Your ex asks your best friend. "Not a cheater if that's what you're wondering." Jake replies, giving him a blank stare. Waiting for him to leave. "Oh you heard" Sunghoon looked down, feeling guilty again. "I'm not here to talk with you, leave" Jake says, anger obvious in his voice. "Okay" Sunghoon says quietly before leaving with his stuff.

A couple weeks went past and you're still feeling awful. Not as bad as the first week but still not the same happy person as you used to be. You're so grateful for Jake being able to be with you for as long as you needed him.

"Hey, guess who got some food~" Jake walks in with a paper bad which smells so good. "Oh my god thank you so much Jakey, I'm starving" you sit up on your bed, patting the place beside you for him to sit. "No problem yn" he says with a smile as he sat down. You lick your lips as he passes you the food.

"You got yourself something too, right? There's a lot in here" you ask him which makes him giggle. "Yeah of course, silly" he says with a smile.

You both start to eat and put on another episode of the show you both have been binge watching together. "To be honest I didn't think I'd like to watch stuff like this" Jake says after taking a sip of his drink. "Really?" You ask him and he hums in response. "I'm glad you called me out of all people" he says as he smiles, turning to look at you.

"Yeah well I guess, you were the first person I could think off who I could...trust" The last word saddening you, reminding you of how Sunghoon broke that trust you had for him. Jake sees you getting sad and he quickly changed the subject.

This is how you spent most days. If you weren't sleeping in all day then you were cuddling with Jake while watching a movie. At some point Jake decided that you need to try moving around, going outside and getting out of this depressing state which caused a small fight between the two of you.

"I don't want to!! Don't you get it? Just leave me alone!!" You hate how sensitive you are now, crying over something as little as this. "Okay okay, I was only trying to get you out because I care for you" he says calmly. It broke your heart, giving out to someone you care for, who cares for you. "I'm sorry" you apologise and he's quick to comfort you. "It's okay, I know you didn't mean to yell" he said as he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you.

"Why are you still here with me?" You ask after a good two minutes in the same position. "I don't know, I just...I gues I just care for you that much" He tries not making the real reason obvious. The real reason is that he likes you, has liked you but you were with Sunghoon and he couldn't. He still likes you but he wants to put that aside while being here for you.

"Makes sense" you mumble against him. This feeling feels so familiar and you hate who it reminds you off. Jakes arms wrapped around you just like Sunghoon would have whenever you feel down or he just simply would want to hug you. It wouldn't be fair to blame Jake for reminding you of him though, it's something you have to deal with yourself. Or so you thought?

"I'll help you get over him, I promise yn. Assholes like him don't deserve an angel like you" Jake stated. He doesn't want to let go of you, he wants to make sure you're okay.

Your eyes tear up at what Jake said. "Thank you, genuinely" you say as you hug him tighter before letting go and looking up at him. "You won, I'll go outside" you sigh and he smiles. "Good, we don't have to go anywhere far," Jake said with a smile. "Okay," you smiled back at him.

After getting ready to leave, you and Jake went on a small walk to the local park. You ended up actually being grateful for Jake getting you to go out. The fresh air and the pretty scenery made you feel at ease, and of course Jakes presence as always. There was a lake at the local park so yous decided to bring some bread with yous to feed the ducks and swans.

After feeding them, with no more bread left, you and Jake start to leave the park to go back to your home. "Thank you for bringing me out Jakey" you smile at the ground as yous walk. Jake smiles at the nickname you used. He always loves it whenever you call him that.

"No problem, yn. I know it'd be healthy if you went out, even for a bit." He says as he looks at you. You smile at his words.

After a bit more walking you finally reach your house. You both kick off your shoes and relax on the couch. "Wanna watch another movie?" Jake asks and you nod. He let's you choose whatever you want to watch.

By the time the movie was over you were already asleep, head resting on Jakes shoulder. He notices you sleeping and decided do carry you to your room, placing you gently down on your bed and covering you with the duvet.

Just as he was about to turn around and leave, your hand tugs on his sleeve. "Jakey" you whisper out, half asleep. "Yeah?" He replies, "can you sleep with me? Please?" You continue. He's thankful that it's dark in your room otherwise you would've seen his blush.

"Okay" he says softly before lying down beside you and getting under the covers. He did expect you to fully cuddle him though. Yeah yous cuddles before but it wouldn't be like this. Especially when you're sleeping. Your head resting on his chest and your arm around his waist as you doze back off to sleep. He puts his arms around you and falls asleep too after a couple minutes.

It's been 2 months past and Jake has moved in with you. Nothing much has changed apart from the fact that you've gotten much better ever since the break up. But that's all, you and Jake are still friends and his crush on you didn't stop. If anything, it only grew.

"Ynnnn" he calls out to you from the kitchen and makes his way to where you're sat in the living room. "Yeah?" You ask as you turn your head to the direction of Jakes voice.

"There's a party that my childhood friend is hosting and he invited us!!" Jake said with a big smile, you always found his smile cute. "Oh??? What day is it on?" You ask, happy to see him all smiling. "Its in two days!! Wanna come? I can stay with you if you don't want to of course." He sits down beside you as he speaks. "No!! I definitely want to come, and even if I didn't I wouldn't want you to miss out on the party hehe" you smile at the boy.

"But-" before Jake can continue talking you cut him off. "Jakey, I'm doing much better now, I don't need you babysitting me" you joke, playfully rolling your eyes. "Ouch" he pretends to be hurt and you both laugh.

"I'm glad you want to go though!!" He excitedly says after you both stop laughing. You smile at the happy boy. "Yeah, I'm glad your friend invited us" you say softly with a smile.

After the two days it's the day of the party. You and Jake got a taxi to drives yous to the party Jakes friend was hosting. Once you arrive you thank the driver and pay them, then you and your friend leave the car and make your way to the entrance of the house.

"Wow" you say as you look around, the house full of people and music playing in the background. "Have you never been to a house party before?" Jake asks you as you both walk inside. "I've only been to one a long time ago" you say and bring your focus to Jake.

"Well then I'm glad you can experience it again" he smiles brightly. Suddenly Jakes childhood friend shows up and introduces himself to you and you do the same to him.

"It's really nice meeting you too, Jay" you smile at him. "So!! Yous can just chill and feel at home and most importantly have fun" he says confidently. You and Jake giggle and say thank you.

Jay shows where the drinks are and where yous can sit or play some drinking games. You and Jake go straight for the drinks. "I'll go find a place we can sit at in the living room" Jake shouts over the loud music and other people speaking so you can hear him. You nod and he leaves to said place.

As you get two drinks for you both you notice someone from the other end of the table. Someone you didn't expect to see and didn't want to see. You quickly grab both the drinks and leave to find Jake in the living room. You don't think the person has seen you, thankfully.

You smile as soon as you see your best friend and sit next to him on the couch, handing him his drink. "Guess who I just seen" you say quietly in his ear, loud enough for him to hear. "Who?" Jake shouts over the music. "Sunghoon" you reply. Again, quietly just incase someone overhears.

Jake looks at you with concern, "if you want to leave we can, I don't mind" he suggested but you're quick to shake your head, saying no. "I have a better idea" you say.

You tell him his idea which is to pretend you both are dating. You're not going to let your ex ruin your night. Thankfully to you, Jake agrees to your idea.

After about an hour or two you both are now starting to slowly get drunk. That's when you see Sunghoon and who looks to be his girlfriend, the same one who he cheated on you with. Rage is what you could describe how you feel now. They both sit opposite the couch you and Jake are sitting on.

"Kiss me" you shout over the noise. "What?" Jake asked out. "The plan, kiss me now" you take your eyes off your ex and look at Jake. Your friend realizes that Sunghoon was there and he does exactly as he's told.

He kisses you. Your hand goes to cup around the side of his neck and he brings his hand to your waist as you both start to make out right in front of your ex.

"Hey Sunghoon, isn't that the bitch you dated?" Sunghoons girlfriend asks him while nodding in the direction of where you are sat, making out with Jake. "What? Oh..." Sunghoon sighs when he sees you two. "What a whore" his girlfriend says and Sunghoon glares at her. "Don't call them that" he says angrily. "Why? They are. You're lucky you're dating me~ we should make them jealous" the girlfriend smirks at Sunghoon but he just scoffs and gets up.

"Where are you going?" She pouts as she looks up at him. "I need to be alone, don't follow me." Sunghoon says bluntly and leaves to step outside.

Meanwhile you and Jake pull away. You look at the direction where your ex was and you notice he's gone, only the girlfriend sitting there, now talking to another guy who's obviously interested in her. "I guess it worked" you laugh.

"Yn" Jake calls out and you look at him. "Yn I like you" he says out of nowhere. Not being able to hold in his feelings anymore, especially after that kiss. "As friends? Yeah I like you too!!" You say, obviously not getting what he meant. Jake shakes his head, "no yn. I like you more than a friend" he tells you and you don't know what to say. You shake your head in disbelief.

"No, we're friends...Best friends, you don't like me" you don't know if you're trying to convince yourself or him that he doesn't like you. "Yn please, I do. I like you so much, since before you and Sunghoon even got together." Jakes eyes start to tear up, not taking the rejection well.

"Jakey- Jake. I'm sorry but I can't, I'm gonna...I'm gonna go" you start to get up before you even finish your sentence. You take another shot before leaving.

As you walk out you see Sunghoon standing outside, looking annoyed yet sad. "Yn" he says as soon as he sees you. 'Shit not now' you think to yourself as you're on the verge of tears. Not only is your friendship most likely ruined with Jake, but also you have to face your ex.

"Are you okay?" Sunghoon notices your teary eyes. Although he did hurt you before, that never meant that he wants to hurt you or wants to see you hurt. If he could he'd turn back time and not do what he's done.

"Yeah, I'm...I'm fine." You sigh out a reply. "Did your boyfriend hurt you??" He asks out genuinely. "He's not my- why do you even care?" You slightly raise your voice.

"Yn...it hurts seeing you hurt, of course I'm going to care" your ex says truthfully but you try not to care. "Oh yeah you cared so much that you cheated on me" tears nor flowing out of your eyes as you speak. "This night was going so well until you came along" your words hurting him but he let's you continue. "Fuck you, why do you have to ruin everything" you say eith your voice shaking.

He comes closer to you "I fucking hate you" you continue but you stand still, watching him come closer to you. His arms wrap around your smaller figure as he hugs you. You don't even bother to move, tears running down your cheeks as you feel his warmth, something you missed so much, something that no one else can give, only him. You bring up your arms to wrap around him. "I hate you." You say again.

"I know" is all that Sunghoon says before hugging you tighter and you simply let him.

Taglist: @hoonieswhore @ness-iness @parkhonnie

[pointdotiozao]

The wait list for 2024 is open!

DM me if you’re interested! Rbs are appreciated!

More info under the cut, I'll try to be brief, please read ↓

〃く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡 ₊ ˚ ⊹ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

Process and general info

DM or email me (rose_captain@hotmail.com)* your inquiry so we can discuss the quotes and book you a slot if none are available at the moment. *I might take I little longer to reply emails.

Payments are made via PayPal invoices, so I'll need your PayPal email.

All prices are USD.

My wait list is just a rough estimation. The time I take on each work varies and sometimes there are cancellations, as well as other external factors, so even though I'm mostly on time, the possibility I will be a bit late or a bit earlier than expected exists.

IMPORTANT: If you change your url after getting a spot on my wait list please remember to give me a heads up so that later I can still find you!!

It's alright if you need to reschedule your comm for another time, or even just cancel it, just let me know. No cancellations once I have started working though, and no refunds.

I start working after receiving half the payment upfront.

References are appreciated but not required, and well detailed descriptions work just fine, but please try to have all information necessary for the commission ready. (References and/or descriptions for the characters appearances, facial expressions, clothes, poses; background, if any; lighting/type of coloring.)

I won't charge for tattoos of which you provide transparent pngs.

I reserve the right to refuse a commission.

I reserve the right to post my artwork and use it on my portfolio, but I'll keep a commission private if so requested.

The commissions are for personal use only.

Will Do

OCs, fanart, ship art;

Suggestive themes, NSFW, and even fetish art (with only a few exceptions I highly doubt I will encounter here, but who knows);

Gore and body horror;

Animals, humanoids and furries.

In doubt just ask, I'll give almost anything a confident try.

Won't Do

Mecha;

Hateful imagery;

IRL shipping (doesn't apply to actors interpreting characters);

Create new designs (characters, clothes, etc.);

And I will no longer be accepting irl face claims/painting real people on painting style commissions (this doesn't apply to realistic looking video-game characters).

The styles:

Sketch- just the early stage of the drawing, rough forms and somewhat messy lines. May include 1 rough color for emphasis;

Lineart- clean lineart with the brush of your choice (I have 3);

Flat colors- includes lineart and simple coloring, no shadows/source of light;

Shaded- includes lineart, more detailed coloring compared to flat colors, simple lighting/one source of light;

Painting- either pieces with no lineart (regardless of type of lighting), or those which have lineart + complex lighting/two or more sources of light.

You can see more of my art on my blog tagged as #myart. If you find a style you like but is not sure of which category it fits in, just ask me!

〃く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡 ₊ ˚ ⊹ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

And finally, seen below are my other contact info. Most of these accounts are still empty and I honestly don't plan on leaving tumblr, after all the real "tumblr is shutting down" is the friends we made along the way yadda yadda, but seriously my heart can't take it anymore. I'll rather be safe than sorry.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c5. preview

simon riley x original character.

abstract: hi this is Simon. okay, before you read this, I'm gonna say this once and never repeat it again. maybe she was right. don't tell her I told you, and don't you dare even remember anything I said in this stupid chapter. 

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, awful deaths.

song to listen to when reading this: Heartbeat, Childish Gambino.

He had thought about Jude quite a bit. He knew nothing about her, but she made an impression on him. She was interesting. He wanted to know if she was still angry at him, for what he said. He thought a lot if he had been too rude, and he always settled on a no. He had fun, played a bit, picked a little fight. He was sure she could handle it, she didn't seem like the type to get offended easily.

He made it a mission to find out things about her. He wanted to know if she still lived in that apartment he saw a year prior, the layout of her house. Did she live alone? Maybe she had a boyfriend. How old was she? Knowing so little about this girl drove him mad. She had an intriguing presence, she was captivating. And she always seemed to crash important events. This time she didn't bother knocking on the briefing room door. She came straight in. This time she really looked like death.

'He didn't show up' she said, not waiting for anyone to speak.

Jude interrupted him, and frankly, ha quite hoped she would. 'I'm going with them'. Him and Price spoke at the same time 'You're not'. We're not out here playing spies. She didn't flinch. 'I am!'

'You're gonna tell us if you see him, 'kay?' he instructed, strapping his vest tighter on his chest. 'Sure'. They were passing by a few shops, a gas station, a mechanic shop. 'How long have you been working here?' Gaz was really interested into making conversation hu? Simon was driving silently, his foot lingering on the brakes just in case he spotted something. 'Two years' she replied. Her tone was soft unlike when she had talked to him. Her voice was warm. Not really the time to get to know each other, guys...

notes: hi... I'm very tired. I've been thinking about LIFE a lot lately. I've worked all weekend (waitressing) I'm still trying to deal with having a million exams, my ex is messaging me and I don't like one of my girlfriends anymore. life feels weird these days. I can't really get which emotions I'm feeling. I feel like I've neglected this story, I'm still posting chapters that I wrote months ago but I will have to continue at some point... and I love this story and I love Jude and I want to continue, it's 9.11 pm and I'm ready for bed guys I'm not playing with you. I'm sorry if chapter four was a bit shit. and I don't have a picture for chapter 5, I promise I will make one asap. and try not to explode. have a good night/day, full chapter on Saturday!

love, mare.

taglist:

@ummmmmwat @ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me

[osaemu]

mini-announcement, i probably won't be posting/interacting over the weekend because i have a big tournament and i'll be spending time with my team !! just a heads up in case you're wondering why i haven't replied to you or your ask yet :,) sorry about that 🤍

cw: discourse under the cut.

i didn't want to have to make this post, but lately i've been receiving a lot of anonymous asks about a certain blog and unfortunately, it's gotten to a point where i feel like i have to address it. don't take this post as being hateful in any way—this is just something i just wanted to get off my chest. this isn't a big deal, so no reblogs either, thanks.

the bottom four asks all came within a span of five minutes, so i think it's a reasonable assumption to make that they were all sent by the same person. as for who that is, i'll get into that at the end of the post.

but first of all, i can say without a doubt that i have a personality of my own. case closed. nobody's actually said how we're similar in any way, so i'll assume these are all from no-lifes who couldn't find anything better to hate on.

second of all, my netflix banner was actually inspired by another blog, who i won't namedrop for the sake of their peace. and either way, our banners don't even look similar, nor do either of us own netflix. x x

and finally, those are actually the two most braindead asks i've ever received. are we copyrighting letters now? does anyone own the letter e?

don't compare blogs/writers—it's never ended well, and it never will.

even after getting these asks, i still didn't say anything about it because.. i don't really care. everyone's entitled to their own opinion, and what you think of me is up to you.

moving on, i think tee left tumblr sometime in between that time and now, and i was told by a mutual that i was mentioned within the post. if i'm being completely honest, i didn't read all of it because we have each other blocked anyways and it was a lot to read through.. so i skimmed over the bit about me, but didn't really see anything of interest, which is why i didn't address it.

i also had anons on at the time, and i did think it was interesting how i didn't receive a single ask about tee from then up until today, about a month later. up until a couple hours ago, i hadn't even thought about her because, again, i don't care. this is tumblr dot com, not my love life. most of the drama here is over pixels anyways, so i don't waste my day thinking about it.

neither of these are particularly interesting, but the fact that you weirdos are still associating me with someone who i'm not even mutuals with is.. not to my liking.

idk what false accounts the second anon's talking about, because i don't go looking for drama. if you need proof, here's how many sideblogs i have... (click the image)

zero!

as for the idea that i'm jealous of tee, i'm perfectly fine with the amount of followers i have now. i've always been open about my satisfaction with my interaction rates, and that hasn't changed.

and obviously, tee's a good writer—when have i ever said otherwise? if it was based solely off of writing, i would say that she deserves every single one of her followers, maybe even more. i don't think anybody on this app would disagree with me when i say that she's genuinely one of the best fanfic writers i've come across.

however, i won't support someone just because i like their content. i've stopped listening to many artists because i didn't like who they were as a person, and similarly, once i read the reblogs on a certain callout post, i stopped consuming tee's content as well.

there's a reason i avoided making this post in the past—because i don't really have anything to say. tee and i have never had a directly negative interaction, as i'm sure you all can see in her archival post. the reason i don't support her anymore is because i didn't particularly like how she never spoke up about her followers sending death threats to other followers. that's it.

while i have my guesses as to who sent those anons, i don't care enough to find out. and i think it's better that way. this conflict's been dragged on for long enough, and this is my way of saying that i'd like to be excluded from this narrative from now on.

tee, if someone sends you this post at some point, feel free to contact me if you'd like to clear anything up. we're both adults, and i think we can agree that nothing monumental has happened between us to cause any of this. honestly, the only people dragging this on are the weirdo anons in my inbox.

to whoever's reading this post, thank you for listening to my side of the story—it was nice to be able to get this off my chest. wish me luck at my tournament, and i'll be back after the weekend !! 🤍

[tellerluna-stories]

hi, annie!

i honestly don't know where to start, but i'll just say that you have played a huge part during my adolescent years (⁠^⁠^⁠)

back in early-2023, i had stumbled across your blog, and honestly, you were one of my favorite anime/genshin writers !!i was always enthralled for your new posts and works, and i always anticipated your upcoming fics; which had helped me through my own journey when it came to writing !!

you might not be able to see this, and you're probably out there independently; presumably quitting writing, but i'll just say that if you ever had the chance to hop back here again and give us an update; please remember that everyone appreciates you and who you used to be >⁠.⁠<

this is only an appreciation post to you and i hope that one day, you can look back to the years you have spent with us and have a wonderful smile on your face !!

thank you so much for your writing, and i wish you the best in life 🫶

dear, dearest anon, where do I begin,,,,, I'm sorry for replying to this so late,,,,,,,

ok so by chance (hi moots!!!!!!! I'm alive!!!!!!!!!), I happened to log into this blog for old time's sake. I've never actually,, hold on I'm actually really emotional AHAHA I might cry anon I'm so serious rn. I really never expected someone to love my work enough to send in such a beautiful message in :((

you'll never understand how happy I am to hear that I was able to inspire you on your journey as a writer. and I'm still writing! I never stopped writing. I had to take a break for a while because life got busy — work is busy, and I have so many things crowding my mind 24/7 — but I hope you know I never stopped. I just didn't post it here bc I didn't feel confident in my work anymore, but I never stopped. I've branched out from writing too and kept polishing my creative talents since then :"))

thank you for sending this in, truly�� you know, I have no words to express the overwhelming gratitude that I feel right now, only ugly sobbing HAHAHA.

also! if you'd let me, I'd really love to read your writing too! I can already tell from the way you wrote this message that your words are full of clear intent and care. after reading my work for so long, please let me have the honour of being your reader, too.

[sakuraghosttown]

omg i just found your blog while searching up info regarding digital witch mayura and i didnt realize other people also were into her character and design!

im designing my myspace page (aka on spacehey) around her and every single time i keep finding weird ass images of her T.T

im really glad your blog has none of that cause it freaks me out honestly

Hi (sorry for the very late response) thank you !

[The reply I wrote is pretty long and turned into a bit of a rant- I guess it's something I wanted to say and this ask is the perfect occasion for it]

i have just set a a plug-in (created by the wonderful @/glenthemes) that will filter and hide any content that is suggestive or is linked with 18+ sources on this blog. no matter what I post, I want to make sure everyone is safe and doesn't have to see content that could make them uncomfortable.

given the context, nsfw content of ukagaka is inevitable, and when it's not the content itself it's the source. it's not that easy to find a good middle ground between posting content of the time and wanting to keep the blog clean.

still, I want to note that: i will never post explicit content. suggestive, maybe, and content made by artist who draw nsfw, yes, it's inevitable but NEVER full on NSFW. And never anything suggestive featuring characters that are canonically minors, or drawings that were visibly, explicitly created with the intent of being seen as such.

I don't mind NSFW images of Ukagaka all that much (expect NSFW loli) what I cannot stand is irresponsibly posting it to public spaces for everyone including children to see, lying, deceiving and putting and putting sense of morals aside (for instance, buying netrunmon's weird ass magazines full of lolicon and litteraly illegal content -possibly related to real life CP- just cause there's biscuit-tan on the cover so you can fill your MFC page and post images on Tumblr and say "look I own some shit with the character you guys like on it" )

I know, I know, these characters are popular enough to where people want to see more of them and not popular enough to where there's a lot of content easily accessible, so you wanna be that guy who owns something that's kinda rare, it makes you feel good I know, but is your photo going slightly viral in communities already overflowing with content worth it ?

Conversation with a friend made me reconsider my views, I no longer feel its necessary to censor anything that could lead to potential NSFW as much as I used to, not only is it like i said pretty much impossible (wether we like it or not, Ukagaka is tightly related to echii and lolicon culture, most popular ghosts were created by people known in the doujin world- usually for their nsfw work and the program itself was created with options such as lifting the ghost's skirts up) it's also important to note that it is something that exists i don't want to censor the past and I'd rather be honest and mention NSFW when I post it, with warnings for those who don't want to see it than pretend it doesn't exist or try to deceive people into thinking is SFW.

Even if some things these Japanese artists draw are pretty questionable, they (most of them) at least make sure to put their 18+ works in different galleries with and appropriate warnings. As it should be. And we should do the same. (Honestly it's kinda funny how some people take artworks that are carefully stored away in 18+ galleries just to repost them in public, all ages blogs, as is)

Im gonna take an example of a person, if you know who, you know, but i won't mention any names (I don't want to bicker with them anymore I just think it's a good example of what I'm trying to say) someone who posted a cropped image of a hentai of Mayura, to make it pass off as SFW (because this person claimed to be against NSFW of her) by doing so, not only are they lying to their followers which kind of sucks but anyone who were to try and reverse search the image to find out what the source is would be met with NSFW. In that case it would be better to be honest about the NSFW nature of that image as to avoid that scenario. Either you want to keep anything NSFW away from your blog in which case, don't try and sneak in images of hentais in it OR post images coming from hentais but be honest about it.

Me ? That's what I'll do, if I post anything that is from an NSFW source, then I'll mention it, and I don't think I want to censor names anymore, because- if the viewer is fully warned that by looking into the source they will be met with 18+ then the responsibility, if they proceed, falls on them. I really am doing all I can to make sure that people know what they are looking at and what they would be getting into and I trust you guy's judgment to know wether you want to proceed with soemthing or not.

TL;DR, if I post a link to a website that has 18+ content or a drawing that is suggestive, not only will it be hidden behind a filter so nobody who doesn't explicitly click on the image has to see, so anyone is free to ignore 👍

I decided against censoring sources and names and instead give appropriate warnings (instead of "I won't name the artist cause they draw porn" -> "the artist is [artistname] just so you know, they draw porn")

Also maybe you're thinking "it's not that deep" but for one, protecting young minds against potentially shocking media is very important, I know the internet corrupted all of us, but I swear, you guys, we actually should try to keep porn away from kids (Crazy I know !) + as someone who certain trauma and who is very sensitive to nsfw, even drawn, I know it can be a hassle and some people would rather stay a miles away from it and this needs to be respected, I'm not gonna go "well the world shouldn't adapt to your problem" or "welcome to the internet" when i have the same problem (and when the problem is people not wanting to see things that shouldn't ever be out so freely in the first place)

Let's just be responsible people who don't post weird porn into public spaces because honestly it just doesn't need to be 👍

[lucysarah-c]

hi lucy, it’s me again :)

recently i’ve been having a lot of inner turmoil and anxiety, and reading your blog has really helped. levi is my comfort character, and unfortunately i can relate to him in more ways than one. i always love reading your posts and you are such a kind person. thank you for giving me something to look forward too at the end of the day. my mental health really sucks as of lately and sometimes i feel like i’m not worth it anymore. maybe it sounds weird or maybe something is wrong with me, but sometimes i like to imagine that your levi is with me so give me some sort of peace. i love you as a writer and i love your community so much. thank you.

-🩰

Hi, love!

OMG, BABY!! I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME THIS LONG TO REPLY! Thank you, thank you for all your kind words. I simply can't imagine having this kind of influence on anyone T-T Honestly, you guys make my day—logging in here, posting something, and getting all of your sweet asks, ideas, comments, and reblogs. <3

You all brighten my day, and I never know how to thank you enough. I'm so sorry to hear that you're not going through an easy time right now, but hang in there. Talk with your close friends, and find support. I can 100% assure you, you're worth it—I say you're worth it.

I always say that it was the most random people with small acts of kindness who pushed me forward in my darkest times. Your comment made my night! And I can guarantee you that you're such an important person in someone else's life too. <3 You're worth it, and it's okay if you're not feeling okay—what matters is that you're trying. <3

I don't think it's weird, haha. If it makes you feel better, when I was studying chemistry at university, I used to imagine I was studying alchemy with Edward Elric to stay motivated, lol. And now that I have an office job, I imagine I'm filling out paperwork with Levi, lol. Sometimes, we need music, imagination, and being delulu to keep moving forward!

Sending you the tightest hug!

BTW… when people say they love my "community," I literally feel like this:

I literally feel like I'm just a silly girl posting pictures of my cats next to a Levi fic. I don't understand at what moment I created a community that you all feel part of.

[solei-eclipse]

Sending this as an ask cause I don't think tumblr is going to let me send this full thing in the reply of your last post:

Your wellbeing is more important than anything else! It's okay if you miss stuff or are too tired to participate when things happen within the community; it's okay if you're not as fixated on Alien Stage anymore; just because you are admittedly seen as one of the bigger ALNST bloggers on Tumblr does NOT mean that you owe anyone anything. That goes for the OC stuff too. Sorry if this is a bit too personal, but we enjoy seeing you around not because of what you can provide but because you’re you, and we just enjoy your presence; it's as simple as that. We love you Para, and we just want you to be okay.

It's not too personal at all, no worries :) in fact, it was really nice to read when I first saw it. thank you for all your reassurances, you have no idea the wonders it did for me.

thank you for your kindness, im genuinely really grateful for all this understanding. there's a lot of stuff that I've been forced to deal with lately and while the current issue is thankfully over, I know another one is bound to pop up soon. It's okay, though! I'll manage, it'll just take some time. I hope you guys can forgive me for going silent on occasion... I'm still here! Just busy.

Honestly I've been a little more comfortable on this sideblog than on shkingpardigm... that blog has a great deal of followers and while I will always be grateful for it, admittedly I've been more cautious. I always worry about saying the wrong thing, haha... (I find I still do very often though) The rapid growth of that blog was both fascinating and startling. Now that it's become bigger, I've been worried about whether or not my passion for ALNST is enough. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get to all the requests and thoughts shared with me over there, but I really hope to answer eventually because I want to honor the time and effort others spent into writing them. It's just been so much lately, and I can barely find the right words anymore. I almost always feel guilty for posting when I haven't answered them yet, especially since I love reading them and am really grateful to receive them.

It's been a little easier on here, where I've been creating my own things and sharing these creations with others, building our things around each other and such. Thank you all for being so wonderful and kind.

I hope this doesn't come off as me being ungrateful. I've been worried about voicing these thoughts for a while because I know how disheartening it may sound. I love ALNST, I love every ask and submission I receive no matter if it's a few short words or entire lengthy essays, and I love sharing thoughts and creations with others. There's just so much I want to do and so little time, so little energy I have left especially with my degrading health. All I can do at this point is ask for patience and forgiveness. Me bones don't work like they used to, youngsters.... arghhh my back.... my scoliosis..... my debts..

Once again, still here! Always will be (menacingly), just don't be too worried if I disappear sometimes!! That's me going out there and fighting the Horrors™. I always feel such a sense of joy and relief when I come back to Tumblr and see everyone's posts and creations (ALNST or OC or anything, really). It's like a reprieve for me, seeing all the new things that have been posted.

Thanks again for all your concern and support, I want you guys to know that I return it tenfold and hope you take care of yourselves as well. All the same applies to you! Take a step back whenever necessary, always prioritize yourself and know that you aren't pressured or expected of anything. You will still be loved and cared for no matter what! Always take your time and do what makes you happy :) <3

[anamoon63]

Once Sara and Lauri are left alone at the table: Lauri: Sarah, I'm really sorry, I never meant to be indiscreet, it was just a guess, I never thought that could be what actually happened. Sarah: It was - partially. Lauri: Partially? So, there's more? Sarah: Lauri, just forget it, okay? Lauri: Okay, I take it after this you won't trust me with anything anymore. Sarah: It's not that, I just don't want to talk about it, okay? Lauri: Sure, I understand it must still hurt. Sarah: It hurt at the time; it just doesn't matter now. At least I'm glad Riley finally stood up for herself. A bit late, mind you. *Sighs* If only she had done so when we were still together.

Lauri: Well, it's never too late, maybe you two could still…. Sarah: Nope, I'm over her now, I have no intention of going back there. I'm sorry for Dale, though, it must be upsetting to find out you were being used. That's why I ended not telling him anything that one time. Anyway, that was just the tip of the iceberg of the evil plans Riley had to get Dale to marry her. Lauri: And here I am coming up with theories. Seriously, I'm sorry. Sarah: Easy, girl, it's no big deal. Good news is that Kelly won't have to worry about Riley's stalking Dale anymore. Lauri: You think so? From what I gather, Riley did like Dale a lot.

Kelly slows down in order to hear Sarah's reply. Sarah: No, she didn't. Riley is not into boys, she said she did, but it was all a pose to lure Cho into her trap. Thank God her trickery didn't work with him. Lauri: But she blew up your relationship in the process. Sarah: Yeah, well, that's beside the point now. After hearing this, Kelly walks away. Her impressions were true, Riley never cared about Dale. Victory? Not yet. Who knows what plans that harpy has appearing in Lucky Palms. And teaming up with Terry no less! Nobody believes she'll give up her father's money just like that and get a job, they'll have to keep a close eye on her. ----

*If you want to read the full post, uncut, for a better understanding, you can find it on my Wordpress blog, here. 😊

[13tinysocks]

hey dude! What's up :)) been just a little since l've said something

Initially, this is me saying thank you and goodbye

This isn't supposed to be a weird pity story, so l'm so unbelievably sorry if it comes off that way, lol.

When I began reading your work, I was enamoured with fiction because of personal issues (as many usually are, honestly, I know I'm one of god knows how many people trying to run away from life for just a second with fanfics or media in general). I don't know if I will ever be able to communicate this properly, hell, this will even be unbelievable funny or dramatic but I need to get this across because it's coming from a genuine place. Your stories and work thus far has brought me comfort, immense heaps of it, and even still when I deal with things that feel out of reach or too much to actually face head on I find myself wandering back to syg or just your blog in general

I mean this, from my entire heart, thank you and thank Bee. A million times thank you, for making that one silly silly stupid piece of fanfiction, because oh my god it got me through some major stressful hardships within my life for the past 3 years.

I am leaving tumblr, however I’m aware I have submitted asks with my actual accounts before, so you'll likely be able to see they're still gonna be up. I'm just deleting tumblr the app instead of my account, but for other social platforms they will be deleted properly (such as quotev) so I won’t be indulging in much reading anymore when it comes to fanfics and such lol

I don't know if I'll come back, if I do I likely will not be back for long or to be as active as l've been because of the toll social media’s taken. So even as ridiculous as this feels, to tell someone I’m simply a fan of and barely truly know, that their fanfic of murderers and their love story with my self insert kept me pushing through a lot of tough days, I genuinely just had to.

I needed to thank both you and your partner for the work you've both put out. I still have that smiley pin I’d made, and I will cherish what you made quotev have been for me ( I literally found out about the website during early or late 2020 I can barely remember, then later found your fic, I was DEEP DIVING into that shit LMAO )

I hope whatever happens for you and bee in the future is only good, and I only will wish nothing but the best of luck with everything man.

feel free to post this (idk what it’s called but when you publicly reply lol) or not, as long as you read this it’ll mean lots to me !! >:))

your coolest weirdest ticci toby fan whose also named toby, 🐚 annon

I always struggle to convey gratefulness for messages like this and readership- especially repeated readership. My life would be different if it were not for comments and messages egging us on to keep writing from syg to ho1c. While it's easy to say that writing is solely out of passion for the craft there is also the drive to share something with others. Hearing those others loud or quiet as a favorite- does push us forward when we have no motivation or desire to work. That drive has made us closer as a couple, better thinkers, and a halfway decent writing team. I thank you and all the others who send us stuff even if it's shit post asks I never answer because I like having them in my inbox like a personal horde of platonic Valentine's. I like keeping the pieces you give me to myself sometimes. I know it may seem like I'm ignoring you but I find genuine comfort in these messages. That there are so many. That they are so varied. That we have reached beyond our shut-in existence to touch the lives of others.

I find myself wondering where an anon has gone when I do not hear from them in awhile. I wish them well. I wish them better standards than us.

Maybe we'll meet again someday space cowboy. If you're ever back in town feel free to shoot me (a message).

Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for reading. I wish you peace and love and good books.

[bluebeads-art]

your art is so amazing !!! i adored the 3d printed stuff (as someone who has had to design myself 3d printed merch before because i don't usually have much access to the merch in my fandom lol), it's so good?? and all your coloring is beautiful <3

all this to say it might not seem like i reblog much but rest assured all the stuff i liked (or didn't) went into my queue a few times over hehehe. i LOVE your art it's amazing <3

wishing you luck with the identity and health stuff, even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it 🫡

gah this got away from me sorry for the ramble

aaaaaaa I saw this message in a notification on my phone, said "I'll read that when I actually have time to reply," then the notification got dismissed somehow and if there's no notification prompt to remind me of something, it no longer exists to me. It's been a month I'm so sorry ^^;;

Thank you so much! I wish it was easier to convert more of my stuff to be 3D printable, but my usual modeling style is not watertight in the slightest and disregards gravity entirely. 😆 3D modeling has always been really cool to me because there's so many different workflows depending on what you're trying to make. Keeps things from getting stale!

Speaking of differences, I feel like people don't tend to mention my coloring. :0 I think my line art usually steals the show, heh. I used to be a lot more conscious about color theory and shading when I was younger, but these days there's no thoughts, only vibes 😂

Ok the line, "even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it" hit me unexpectedly hard (in a good way). Any nice messages I get always means a ton to me, but while I don't seem to be able to articulate why at the moment, I think that line will stick with me for much longer than usual. Thank you so much ♥

---

Speaking more generally (this message just gave me a good excuse to talk, heh)- spoilers; the artist in my brain refuses to die. So after, like, a literal year of not touching it, I've started working again on a 3D modeling project that I started in 2021 that has been haunting me ever since. Been trying to redesign a robot OC of mine Rayner, and I'm really particular about wanting his joints to work in a physical space instead of bending the rules artistically. I'm Really bad at designing complex hard surface objects in flat 2D though. However, there's a reason artists tell you not to character design in 3D, and that's because it's slow, it's easy to lose design cohesion, and most importantly it just sucks, awful workflow. But I am Doing it. And while I was super stuck for years and almost developed a friggin phobia of the project, I am now Doing It. And it's actually working out this time. The 3D model itself is MILES from being done, but the design almost is, and while that's a boring end result for other people, it represents a huge milestone and accomplishment for me in many ways.

I've been drawing a little bit lately too! But I feel my social media hiatus has given me a healthier relationship with posting? Like I have a few doodles that I could either post now or post soon, but I don't feel the same pressure to anymore? Where even if I never post them, I think I'm fine with that. I've always thought I made art for myself, but that's not exactly true because I was also making art for the sake of sharing. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I think being able to separate the two and be content with simply just creating is healthy. Also I'm still not as active on social media in general anymore which is probably healthier as well LOL.

So I'll prrrobably start posting again soon-ish now that I've broken this blog's posting silence? Not sure how to wrap this monologue up. My physical health problems are going to keep on probleming, but in terms of artistic fulfillment I've been in a much better place this past month, and that's a huge yeehaw from me 👍

[choisanwich]

I don’t know if you are still active on here but I had a request if you are still writing the second book for the “Into the Aurora” series for Ateez? Maybe not so much a request as an idea I was talking about with my friend and thought maybe I could tell you and if you had writers block or needed something to help you that you could use it? If not I totally understand! Your writing is amazing! Ok thank you!

Hi, im only just seeing this so sorry for the late reply. I'm not actually active on this blog anymore. I've switched to posting all my ateez works on my main writing blog instead which you can find here.

And I think you've mistaken me for someone else 😅

I don't know who wrote/writes Into the Aurora, but that's not my series. I hadn't planned to write any series on this blog. It was mainly going to be oneshots and blurbs but I've decided to post those over on my main writing blog.

If anyone sees this and knows who the story belongs to, pls reblog this or comment or send in an ask. I genuinely don't know which story that is or who writes it. ^-^;;

[claratenebris]

ooc: meet the mun

NAME?: mads

PRONOUNS?: she/her

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: steve harrington

RP PET PEEVES?: people who constantly drop threads and then complain about people not wanting to rp with them, effectively turning their blog into a bunch of personal posts, half of which are them whining. i'm sorry if this sounds harsh lol

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: i think about 14 years in general. started on omegle (rip i miss you every day). my first rp blog on tumblr was in 2012. two of my first blogs were for sakura and for genderbent tony, so i've roleplaying in the mcu and naruto fandoms for quite a while.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: hmm, fluff or angst are definitely tied here. i'm constantly torn between hurting my muses and giving them the love they deserve. smut is fine, but it gets boring to write after a while. i think it's a great way to display intimacy between characters, but it needs a reason to be written.

PLOTS OR MEMES?: both. plots are great, but i also thoroughly enjoy starting at a random place and see where the muses take us. and we can always plot further after that initial interaction.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: it depends. i don't really do one liners anymore, unless it's an open starter, but i always expect those to build up into something more. i'm perfectly fine with single paragraphs. i do have a tendency to ramble a bit, going into inner thoughts and introspection, so my replies can run a little long. novella is too overwhelming, though.

TIME TO WRITE?: i work from home, so sometimes i get the time to whip up a response here and there when work is calm. it's a good way to make the shift go by faster, too, but work's been quite busy lately and sometimes too tiring to write when i'm done, as i do work a very mental-heavy job.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: a little bit, here and there. i think there's a bit of each of them in me, hence why i have been writing most of them for so long. and steve, being my newest muse, has been a hyperfixation for the past couple of years.

tagged by: @desertgourd tagging: @hellfireconcert; @scinglives; @chaos--mode; @kiigan; @defectivexfragmented and whoever else sees this and wants to do it ♥

[thepolymathexcuse]

For my younger self | Musings

Several days ago, I came across this Instagram reel which showed an imaginary conversation between a child version of the original poster and her 20s self. The dialogue (or should I say, the inner monologue) went on like this:

Adult version: Sorry but we didn't become millionaires in our 20s. Child version: Ok, but can we buy a cake? AV: Ofc, even two. CV: Then what are you crying about?

And then I bawled. I literally cried my eyes out at the thought of my younger self being happier at what I have now. It made me rethink the things I wished I had as a child.

I wished I had more books because I was so fond of reading. Well, guess what? I have more than a hundred unread books piled in boxes. I even lend some of them to friends.

I wished I had my own room, so I could have privacy and a place to organize my own stuff. Earlier this year, we finally had our house re-built from the ground up, and I got my own room. It's a long way to go for it to look like my ideal room, but it currently serves those two purposes.

I wished I had more friends, because I’m just an extrovert. Guess what? We have several friend groups, each with their unique way of showing all kinds of love.

Literally, those are the only three things I dreamed of as a child.

When I was in high school and college, I wished for a laptop of my own. Surprise, surprise, we got it. It’s second-hand, but it does the job. In fact, it does more than what I imagined it would. 

And then there's this lifelong dream of mine: I wished I was a writer.

For the past month, I was going through this course about writing on YouTube. I was dedicating time to furnishing my craft. I once longed for the recognition and award when I was in my late teens because of this acquired belief that achievement is vital for people to like me. But again, I have lots of friends.

We don't talk much because everyone is leading their busy lives, but a lot of them still communicate with me. I don't have awards; I don't even have a job right now. But why do they still talk to me? Why do they continue to treat me as their “friend"? 

This led me to realize-–and this was emphasized so much by some of them—that my achievements have nothing to do with why they liked me. This might sound like bragging, but I'm not: it was more about my personality, my humor, my character, and overall my easy going attitude. Those aren't me all the time. I still can get pretty annoying; go ask them. I ramble a lot, as evidenced by my blog posts. I sometimes fail to appreciate them, and I sometimes fail to reply to their messages.

Strangely enough, they still talk to me. Some of them continually reached out to me when I was in a darker phase of my life. They were the ones who believed and reminded me that I'm capable when I myself did not believe so. I will not go into details because each of them has their reasons for keeping me in their life. 

I was raised in an environment where the only way to gain approval or even the tiniest bit of affection is through the amount of medals you can receive. In turn, this had instilled in me this mindset of always needing to stand out. 

But I don't have to—not anymore.

This particular reel had me in tears because it made me realize what the essence of life really means to me. Having no job right now means a lot of free time, and a lot of those are spent on reflection and journaling. I learned a lot about myself: what drives me, what motivates me, and what goals really matter to me, without the need to please everyone. 

I still have dreams I have yet to fulfill. Like, building my own house because I also value being independent. Or having my own property. Having a master's degree. And having the job that's aligned with my personal vision.

There's still a lot to do, but the most valuable lesson that this resting season has taught me is to just appreciate all the little things. 

I learned how to be content with what I currently have and to use these limited resources in making the most out of my current situation. This perception of contentment has been essential to becoming what I always aspire to be: a happy individual.

I've noticed how I've become more appreciative of the things around me. This joy, this inner sense of gratitude, disappeared when I was too busy trying to earn more because I was filled with the constant urge to have more and be more. It's this weird concept that society (and to be honest, most of social media) continues to put in our minds: that having the next big thing or keeping up with trends will lead to a happy life. But it's not. At least to me (and to some experts in the field of happiness psychology), it certainly holds true. 

A mindset of abundance and completeness—that everything you need in your current situation is already with and within you—works for me better than the delusions of scarcity brought by greed and the constant fear of missing out.

Don't get me wrong, I still aim for a better, more comfortable life, but it’s not just for myself. It's for my parents and for the people that matter to me. 

I'm also not completely optimistic about everything, and I recognize that there are worse things happening in the world right now. But I can't just let that continue to happen. I want to take action in making the world a better place for future generations. But I should stop waiting for the time I have more. I cannot let my limited resources prevent me from doing what I think could help people. Being a better person through continuous learning, which eventually leads to having better and more resources would allow me to reach more people. I have to take control and take action now.

As you have noticed, I ramble a lot, and for some reason, I love to write. I will not be the next Maya Angelou or Pablo Neruda, but I was blessed with a mind that tries to find the connection in everything. And I want my writing to reflect that dream of helping people figure out their life purpose the way that self-learning is helping me figuring out how to live mine.

It's these moments of deep reflection that make me so grateful for what I have right now, and make me wish that other people could potentially hold the same mindset. 

Life may be uneventful right now but here's what I know: my younger version would be smiling from ear-to-ear when he hears that his dreams have now become a part of our reality. We are living the life he once yearned for.

And to me, it's all that matters right now.