#sorry for not answering the asks guys. I got admitted into a hospital since tuesday and just got released yesterday (laugh track)

[bruhstation]

special thanks to these pez dispensers for accompanying me during my stay at the hospital. glory to canada

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Tuesday 16th May 2023, 06.17am

I'm sorry it's been a little while since I've wrote anything. I know it's not been *that* long but.. it's been longer than I wanted it to be. I was just really busy getting ready to start my new job and um.. last week some really awful things happened.

My dad is really sick. He's in hospital right now and he lives down in England (he moved there to be with my stepmum, unfortunately she passed away 9 years ago but he's never came back because I think he feels closer to her down there. He loved her so much. As did I). So it's really difficult for me right now because I can't get there to be with him right now. And he's all alone and things are really bad. I'm going to explain a little now and I am really really sorry, I know this is all going to be heavy and really hard to hear, but.. I know I should talk about it.

Last week on Tuesday (9th May), I got a phone call from the lady who owns/looks after the retirement complex my dad lives at. She'd told me that my dad had had a bad fall and was in hospital, she couldn't get any information because shes not next of kin so she was letting me know so I could call them and find out what's going on. She'd told me he'd been not really being himself, repeating himself a lot and just generally having a slight personality change as well as some confusion and stuff. She also said he'd been complaining about having a sore shoulder and that he couldn't sleep very well, so she'd been trying to urge him to go to the doctor. But my dad being my dad, said "nah I'm fine, I don't need a doctor" because he's an idiot lol (I say that with love though).

So.. I call the hospital and they tell me he's there but I'm not next of kin. It's still down as my stepmum. Which means he's not seen a doctor in 9 years since she passed away. So the doctor said he'd have to ask my dad for permission to disclose information to me and call me back. A couple hours later, he calls me back, says my dad's given permission and I'm now changed as next of kin, great, fantastic. But then he goes on to tell me that they've done a CT scan and unfortunately, there is a mass in my dad's brain on the right side and this is what has caused his fall. He has left side weakness in his arm and leg and he can't stand or walk and he also had some visual disturbances in the left side also. So I immediately panic and start asking a bunch of questions that this doctor can't answer, he's not a neurosurgeon or anything but he tells me that the neuro doctors would be over to see him as soon as they can and that my dad would be admitted to hospital because it wouldn't be safe to allow him to go home especially if he's living alone, just incase he has another fall and really hurts himself. I agree with this and say that's probably the best course of action, keep him safe until we know more about this mass on his brain and can figure out how to keep him safe and what our options are.

I then get another call from the lady who looks after my dad's apartment complex. She tells me she's spoke to my dad's friend and neighbour... And apparently he lost the fucking feeling in his left arm A FUCKING MONTH AGO. And he didn't tell a soul. He didn't tell me or anyone at all, except his friend, who he swore to secrecy (his friend feels bad now and realises he should have said something, the guy had actually been trying to convince my dad to go to the doctor, but my dad kept refusing). We then find out he's had a couple smaller scale falls to which his friend has picked him up from and that he'd had to help him get dressed one day and do up his boots (my dad's a biker, he lives in bike boots, jeans and leather jackets, always has done lol). Then I'm told he's said he's selling his BIKE. Which is a very fucking big thing for my dad. He has a beautiful Harley Davidson, like.. this thing is his dream bike and he'd always said that. For as long as I can remember too, my dad's always had a bike. Even before I was born actually, since he was old enough to ride motorcycles he's always had one.

I ended up getting to speak to my dad and he was very confused and forgetful, but he was trying to hide it, I could tell right away. I asked him about all this and he said "Oh yeah.. yeah.. that happened" and I was just like why didnt you bloody say anything and he was just like "I just thought it'd go away, didn't think it was anything to worry about". But I think he did know, I think he was just scared. And you know what, in a way I don't blame him, because I'd be fucking terrified too if it were me and I was experiencing all of that. My dad's also from that generation of "if your arm isn't hanging off, you don't need a doctor" and I tried explaining to him that losing the feeling in your arm is a big fucking deal and needs to be seen to right away, no matter what. He agreed and apologised and I told him I wasn't mad at him, I was just worried because of what they'd found. He hadn't even remembered that, even though they'd just told him a couple hours before.

So he's admitted and they do more CT scans and an MRI, he gets sent up to a ward and he's just being his usual self, just a bit more confused and forgetful, which is fine, we can deal with that, I'm just glad hes okay and getting help at this point. We get told we may have to wait a couple days for the neurosurgeon to see him, because they have to discuss his case and look at all his scans and notes etc. So for a couple days it was just no change, my dad was in the hospital, he'd been given some steroid meds to help with swelling around the mass, it seemed to help a bit which was good. Friday last week (12th May), I got a call and it was a specialist brain tumour nurse and the neurosurgeon, as well as my dad there too. I should mention too that my dad kept telling me not to come down, to stay here cause he knew I was starting my new job and he wanted me to just get started with it and get going etc. So that's why I'm not there right now. But anyway.. so I'm on a call with all three of them while the neurosurgeon is assessing my dad, asking him to grab his hand and squeeze and do some other stuff and just like.. checking him over. He and the nurse asked lots of questions to both of us, getting basically all the information that they can. We get to a point where the specialist nurse was just asking me how I was coping and stuff while the doctor was doing some more physical things with my dad. They both kept me really in the loop about everything, telling me everything they were doing or looking at and just really making sure I was a part of it all too, which I was really grateful for.

Then came the bad news. Unfortunately, the tumour is quite large. It's in 4 different parts of his brain, his temporal and parietal lobes, his corpus callosum (which is in the middle of your brain) and his hippocampus (which is also quite deep in the brain). They also said it's looking to be either a grade 3 or grade 4 malignant tumour. Which means cancerous and rapid growing, the worst kind. We both got quite upset, me and my dad, and the nurse and doctor did their best to try and give us a minute. He just kept telling me he loved me and that he remembers us going through all this with my stepmum so we knew what would come. We then went on to discuss treatment etc. My dad consented to a biopsy and we would find out exactly what we were dealing with before we decided on a path of treatment. Whether that meant radiotherapy, chemotherapy, other cancer drugs, whatever. My dad and I both said we wanted to do whatever it took to make him well again and the surgeon and the nurse both agreed. My dad signed all the forms and they said they'd be in touch soon to let us know when the biopsy would be.

I'm sorry this is getting really long but.. there's just a lot to it. I really really am sorry and I know this is all heavy, I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you at all E, thats the last thing I want. I know you're sick too and I know you may not want to hear all this, so I really don't blame you if you can't read any more. Or even just don't want to. That's okay. I'll understand. Over the weekend, dad was fine. A little more forgetful, asking me about things he'd just asked or said 5 minutes before. I just told him gently that we'd already talked about it and reminded him and he eventually caught up with it. I had to do that a couple times but it was fine. I don't mind if I have to do that and remind him a lot, I just want him to get better. The lady from his apartment complex went to see him on Saturday and took him some books and other stuff I'd ordered on Amazon for him over to him and one of my uncles was down in York (which is a couple hours away from my dad in Nottingham) and popped down to see him on Sunday. He took him some things like clothes and essentials and he said my dad seemed in good spirits, which I was pleased about. We even got selfies and pictures of them all, which I was really happy with. I spoke to my dad on the phone (I actually had got him a new phone and just sent it down yesterday, because his phone is old and starting to break and I wanted to make sure he had a working phone) and we were talking away, absolutely fine. He got a little emotional at one point and was telling me I'm the centre of his world and that nothing else matters in the world but me and stuff and I got really upset, but I told him I'd come see him soon and I'd planned on coming down to be with him for a week or so, as long as my work approved me to do so (I work remotely, so I didn't see it being an issue but wanted to check first). He said that would be fine and he couldnt wait to see me and that he wanted to buy me a new leather jacket so I would look, and I quote, "cool as fuck just like him" lol. I said we'd see, we needed to get him better first. He said he was getting tired and I said to go rest, it was like 9pm anyway and he needed to sleep, I also had to get ready for starting work. We said we loved each other and I said I'd phone him in the morning again before I started work. That was the last time I spoke to him.

I'd tried calling him in the morning but he didn't answer. I figured he was maybe just still asleep or maybe getting ready or having breakfast. So I thought nothing of it and texted him at my break, just so he knew I was thinking of him. It got to lunch and I still hadn't heard anything. I checked WhatsApp and he had last been on at 22.45 the night before, I started wondering if maybe his phone was broke.. but then how could I still call it? So that's when I worried. I tried calling the ward he was on and no one answered me. I tried like 3 fucking times and got no answer, so I was panicking. Thankfully, by some coincidence, the neuro specialist nurse contacted me, she called me just as I got off from trying to ring the ward. She had wanted to call me because she had some news for me. My dad had unfortunately deteriorated overnight. He'd been very drowsy and sleepy yesterday morning, they could wake/rouse him but he wasn't as responsive as he was the day before. They bumped his steroid meds all the way back up (they'd started to wean him off them to see if they could find a good dose for him without giving him too much) and put him on anti-seizure medication. They haven't confirmed that he's had a seizure but this is a worry. They have also done another CT of his head and they are concerned that the tumour has grown. They said they can't tell if it's just swelling or if it's tumour growth. Hearing all of this I was fucking devastated. After talking to him the night before and being all.. you know kind of normal.. to this. So now, we are in a bit of limbo at the moment, all we can do is watch and wait to see what happens. There is no guarantee any of this is reversible too. So we just have to wait and see.. the biopsy and talks of treatment etc is all on hold until we see what happens here and if he responds to the meds he's been put on. I've still had no update from that at 1pm yesterday and it's now 7am the next morning. So I'm going to be calling them before I start work at 9am, try and see how he is, if he's awake or still sleepy. They said he's in a semi concious state, in and out of sleep a lot. And not staying awake for very long when he is awake.

I'm fucking terrified, E. I'm so scared. I don't want to lose my dad. I don't have any siblings on my dads side, both his parents are gone, his wife is gone. Yes, he has his brothers (my uncles) and my cousin's but.. they've never been close. I'm all he has and I feel terrible about not being down there. But I'm going down on Friday as soon as I finish work. One of my friends and her partner are gonna drive me down there, which I'm so so fucking thankful for. I spoke to my job and they're absolutely fine with me working from down there and completely understand the circumstances. I felt terrible telling them all of this on my first day, but they've been really supportive so far honestly. I'm truly grateful.

So the next couple of days is going to be filled with working, packing to go down and trying to check on dad and hoping the medication works and he comes around a bit more. I'm really trying to remain positive and hope for the best, hope that maybe I'll get there and he'll hear my voice and know it's me and maybe that will help. And even if he's not concious or able to really communicate with me, I'm still going to be there and talk to him and stuff, because there's nothing to say he can't still hear me and wouldn't still be comforted to know I'm there. I just... I really fucking need a hug right now. And I kind of wish you were here to give me that hug. Maybe even let me have a good cry while you hug me. If that'd be okay.

I read your post, of course. I'm glad you're back home and that you're settled in. Your cat.. sounds amazing. She sounds so cute and playful and I really really love the sound of her. I bet she is absolutely adorable too. I miss having cats honestly. And I'm really glad your cat has been helping you feel better, even if it's only in her little small way. I bet I would love her, I really do. Whatever these ideas are that you have for being creative? I say go for it. You'll do amazing at anything, I just know you will, because it's you and you are amazing. You can really do anything if you put your mind to it, E. I really believe that. You are talented and creative and smart and I really think you could do it. So I say go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Yeah it might not be an instant money maker, but you never know.. in time it could become something that you really enjoy and make a great career out of. Who knows? You can always try, my love.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed your gig and that you did well. That's amazing that someone said that to you but you know what? I'm not surprised, because you absolutely are that talented and that amazing at playing. You always have been. And yeah I might be slightly biased but.. even if I wasn't, I'd say the same thing. And you even have someone else saying it, a complete stranger too. So believe it, because you are great. I know what it's like though, I struggle with taking compliments myself so I totally get it. I'm really glad that I can help, even if it is just through our letters to each other from afar. I really am glad that my words can give you some peace and can have some kind of positive affect on you. Honestly, that's all I want. I want to help, even if only in a small way. I'll be honest, right now? I just wish I could curl up with you and just.. kinda be. If that makes sense.

This post is huge. I'm so so sorry. I just.. wanted to explain everything since I'm kinda really going through it right now. I start work in a couple hours, so I'm gonna try and have some breakfast, make a coffee, call the hospital and check on dad. I may even go outside a bit, because it's getting warmer here now too and I really like it. It was 18c the other day and honestly it was glorious. I know that might not seem hot, but that's like.. my perfect temperature. And the sky was really pretty at sunset that night too. I really really hope this post wasn't all too much. And I really really hope to hear from you soon. I've missed you. A lot. And I could really use some support myself right now. I really can't wait to hear from you again. And hopefully I'll have some good news for you next time.

I'm so sorry everything was so negative this time around. I hope you're doing well and that you're feeling better, I really really do.. because I care about you too. And I think about you all the time. I even had a very lovely dream about you a couple weeks ago.. I remember waking up and being really happy, but being sad cause I wanted to go back.. you'd have liked it there too.

I'll talk to you soon, E. I'm sending you lots of love. As always.

N x

"How the faces of love have changed turning the pages

And I have changed oh, but you, you remain ageless"

[5sosxqueen]

Poor Lad Is Very Sick

< Part 1 , < Part 2 , ~Part 3~

You guys have no idea how much I have to do for these gifs now... it's a pain in the ass, but I like this layout too much to change it. I started working on this at 10pm my time and it's almost 1am now.

Anyways, isn't Duke just the cutest?? 🥰😍

Warnings: hospital, mention of panic attacks

Written in 2018

Published (Wattpad) - Feb 14, 2018

Word Count: 1,382

Updates are every Tuesday and Thursday

Also Available on Wattpad and AO3!!!

Part 3:

Calum's POV:

      'What is that sound?' *beep, beep, beep, sniffle, beep* 'Is someone crying? Why? Why can't I open my eyes or move my body....? What's going on? Michael? Ashton? Luke? Guys help me... Why aren't you answering? Who's crying?' "Calum please wake up..." I heard what sounded like Michael talking. Was I asleep? "We miss you so much Cal-Pal. You need to fight this and come back to us." I heard sniffling as he was talking.

       "I love you Cal. Please don't leave us..." Ash. He was the one crying, his voice wavering every second. 'Don't cry Ash. Why would you think I would leave you guys?' I didn't even know if I was even producing the words. 'I have to find a way to tell them I'm ok!' I suddenly felt something on my hand...

Michael's POV:

      I had Cal's hand gripped tightly in my larger one. I wanted to make sure he knew I was here. I talked to him, held his hand, and brushed the fringe from his closed eyes every chance I got since we got here.

      Ash has been crying nonstop, while Luke cradles him. Luke has managed to stay so strong during all of this. He's only broken down once. too be honest with myself I've broken down more then I would care to admit aloud, more than the occasional tear here and there that I've let show. I hate showing my emotions... I'm trying not to, but I feel like I am getting ready to lose the internal battle, fighting the tears from falling. I break. I rush a hand to cover my mouth in a failed attempt to cover a sob. I lower my head to the bed and just start praying, tearfully praying to a God that I don't even know exists, never letting go of his hand.

      I felt a twitch... No. I must have imagined it.

      Another twitch.

      I shot my head up and locked my gaze on our interlocked hands. I stare for what feels like forever, although it is only a few seconds. I see it, his hand moved. "HIS HAND MOVED!" I jumped out of my seat as Ashton slowly climbed off Luke's lap.

      "Are- are you sure Michael?" Luke asked me, glancing over to the bed.

      "Is he... Waking up?" Ashton looked over at the shell that once our best friend with eyes filled with hope.

       "YES! I FELT IT LUKE! I don't know Ash, but I think he might be starting to." I looked over to Calum and we all watched in amazement and pure awe, as he scrunched up his face. He squeezed my hand tight and I took a step forward. "Calum? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand twice if you can hear me." I instantly crashed to my knees in a fit of complete solace, as I felt two weakened pumps. "He-" I couldn't form the words.

       "Michael?" I looked to Luke and saw the tears that we're threatening to fall from his ever so hopeful gaze. I nodded.

        "He's awake... Calum's awake...." I bawled. I was beyond relieved knowing that our friend would be ok.

       "Oh, thank God!" Luke got up from the chair he had been sitting in for a little over a week, minus getting some nights sleep and to lazily bathe. "Calum, buddy, don't try to talk. I know you probably have loads of questions and I'm sorry, but you have a tube in your mouth right now." Luke speaking soft as he walked over to the head of the bed. A tear slowly streamed down Calum's ghostly face.

Ashton's POV:

       Though the blurriness of my eyes, I walked over and calmly pushed the button for the nurse. I could tell that upon walking in it looked as if nothing had changed. Calum still had his eyes shut, he's responded to everything one way or another.

       'Calum's going to be ok. He is ok!' I thought contently. The nurse walked in and saw us hovering over the bed for the millionth time since he has been here. "How may I help you boys?" She asked nicely.

       "He's awake." We all almost yelled through our tears and giddiness.

       "He is?" He, very slowly and very shakily, lifted his thumb up, as he slowly cracked his eyes open adjusting to the bright contrast of light. She must have seen it too, as her face lit up. "Huh! Well good morning Calum... I'm going to take a look at your eyes bud. Bright light." She explained walking over to Cal's bedside and pulling out a small flashlight. She shot it back and forth in front of one eye as he held it open and then repeated the action with the other. "Everything looks good." She exclaimed looking over his vitals. "I will be right back boys. I have to talk to Dr. Kilarjian." With that she swiftly walked out of the room and into the hallway.

        Soon enough the doctor and the nurse walked in with bright smiles on their faces. "I heard Calum is awake... I heard that his vitals are doing great... Guess what that means." We looked at each other dumbfounded and shook our heads, shrugging, clueless to what she was going to say. "It means I'm going to try to wean Mr. Hood off the ventilator." If we weren't crying happily before, we definitely were now. "I'm going to lower the ventilator about 5% and we will see if anything worrisome occurs, but if nothing done then I will lower it another 5% and so on." We nodded super anxious to get this tube out of his throat.

       She did just that, started slowly weaning him off the tube. The ventilator was originally only at 35% it didn't take too long.

      "Ok Calum, I'm going to take out that annoying tube now. You will need to cough to help me get it moving. This will hurt since this has been down your throat for quite some time. It's best with you being a singer that you don't talk for a day or two, or until you feel like it. We will supply you withe a pen and paper or you can use your phone. Either way, are you ready?" He nodded eagerly. She turned the ventilator of and watched him breathe for a minute. She unhooked the tube from the machine and undid the tape that was securing it. "Ok cough." He coughed and gagged slightly as she slid the tube from his throat. He started to feel suffocated, which sounds bad, but it was actually a really good sign. After it was out he looked around and Dr. Kilarjian rose his bed up.

       She handed him the promised pen and paper and he quickly put it to use. 

'How long was I out for?' 

      "About a week and a half bud." I responded. His face dropped. 

'And my chest hurts due to the tube right?'  He pointed the paper at the doctor.

       "That's right Calum. You will be sore for a while. It will also take a day or two for you to be able to walk or move around." He went to write something else. "If you are wondering what cashed all of this, it was pneumonia. Really bad at that." He nodded and showed her the half written sentence. That was what he was getting ready to ask. 

'How long will I have to be here now? I know I just woke up from a coma, so it will be a while, but I want to go home. It's all cleared up right?' 

      "It may be a while. I think you should stay for at least 3 days just to make sure everything clear and that there are no complications." Calum nodded and leaned his head back against the pillow, content that all of his questions were answered.

       Calum had to do some physical therapy for a while, but once he could walk again and was given the all clear he was released from the hospital with some medicine he had to take for 5 days. Now he is right back to singing and jumping/running around on stage, back to his happy self.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of PD: Season 3: Jay’s Missing (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

As always, I don't own any quotes from the episode that happen to be in here!

Your age: 14

Jay's age: 28

Will's age: 30

"C'mon Jay," you muttered as you called him for the third time in an hour.

It was the one night a month where you and your brother would go out to dinner together and if there was a hockey game on, you'd finish watching it at his apartment. Then, he'd take you home. He was skeptical about doing it tonight since you had end-of-the-year exams next week, but you reassured him that you'd be fine; taking a break for a few hours never hurt anybody. And, you had all Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night after school to study since exams didn't start until Tuesday.

"You've reached Jay Halstead--" You quickly ended the call and began texting Ruzek. Hopefully, he'd cave and tell you what was going on.

But, when the read sign popped up seven minutes later, you knew something was up. If Jay was going to be late, he would've called you, or at least texted.

Since it was late May, the sun was out later than in the winter, which meant that it wouldn't be dark for another couple of hours. So, you grabbed a light sweatshirt and pulled it on, grabbed your phone and a few dollars and put them in your pocket, shouting a "bye Dad" on the way out...not that he cared what you did anyway.

You walked a few blocks to the El train stop, put your dollar in for your ticket, and hopped on. While you were on there, you were sure to have Ruzek's number pulled up on your phone and were ready to hit the call button in case something happened to you.

You looked at the map. The 21st District was just a few stops away. Soon, you'd know why Jay wasn't answering you. Hopefully, he was just out on a raid, handcuffing the bad guys.

***

"Kim," you said as you rushed into the district and saw the officer. "Do you know where my--"

You were cut off by the faint sound of a scream.

"Do I know where who is, Y/N?" she asked, completely ignoring what she had just heard.

"Jay, but that sounded like him screaming!"

You ran up the stairs to Intelligence, tugging on the gate even though you knew it wouldn't open without a member scanning their palm or Platt buzzing you up.

"Was that Jay? Is he there?" you yelled.

"Y/N, we can't let you up there right now," Kim explained.

"Why not? Jay told me we'd go out for dinner tonight and he always calls if he's gonna be late."

You looked up to see Ruzek coming towards the door.

"Would it kill you to answer a text?" you asked.

"Sorry, been busy."

"At least let me upstairs and then you can tell me where Jay is and I'll be out of your hair."

Ruzek sighed and allowed you to go up, Kim following you as well.

"Or Detective Halstead winds up as fertilizer in some cornfield in Indiana. We understand each other, Sergeant?"

"What'd he want?" Antonio asked, everyone totally unaware that you were now in the room.

"Halstead's life for all our CI files."

"H- His life?" you asked, frozen on the top step to the bullpen.

"Shit," Kevin muttered.

"Is he in trouble? Is he dead? Is that why he didn't answer my calls?" Your bottom lip started to tremble.

Antonio took a deep breath. He knew that if Gabby was in trouble that he'd want as much detail about what was happening as possible. "Something uh, something went wrong earlier," he supplied. "And then, because of that, some dealers took your brother."

"They took him? Took him where?"

"We don't know yet, kid," Al said. "But, that's what we're trying to find out."

When you heard that they didn't know where he was, you ran off towards the locker room. Ruzek tried to put his foot between the wall and the door to stop you from closing it and locking yourself in, but you were too fast for him.

You pulled out your phone and dialed a number you knew you probably should've called earlier when you first thought that Jay was in trouble.

"Erin? Jay's missing. You gotta find him. You're his partner."

***

Erin blearily reached for the phone, still trying to get over her hangover from last night--which lasted well into this morning--to go out for another night of non-stop partying, drinking, and drugs. She furrowed her eyebrows when she saw your name pop up.

"Hell--"

"Erin? Jay's missing. You gotta find him. You're his partner."

"He's--" She cleared her throat. "He's missing? What happened? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine. I- I called him because we had a dinner and he didn't pick up, so eventually I just- I came down to the district and I heard someone on the phone say they're going to turn him into fertilizer, Erin."

"Do you know who it was?" she asked as she grabbed her service weapon and slid it into the waistband of her jeans...the same clothes she had been wearing since last night. A call that her boyfriend was missing was definitely curing her hangover fast.

"I don't know. It was- It was some dealer. But, you gotta come here and help them find him. You're his partner. Please." Your voice cracked on the last word.

"Okay, okay, I'll call Will to come pick you up and explain the situation. I'm leaving my apartment right now. I'll be there soon."

"Please don't call Will," you urged. "He's gonna be mad at me."

"Why's he gonna be mad at you?"

"Because I took the El and I'm not supposed to take the El by myself."

"Y/N, you taking the El by yourself is the least of his problems at the moment. Just sit tight and I should be there in about ten minutes."

***

"Y/N, c'mon open this door. Please?" you heard your oldest brother's voice on the other side of the door. "I know you're worried about Jay, but it's not gonna help at all if you just lock yourself in here all night."

You sniffled and then walked over to the door and unlocked it. "Will!" you cried, rushing into his arms. "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone."

"Hey, hey it's okay. You're okay. They're gonna find him and then you can have two dinners with him next month because you missed yours this month."

The number of times Jay had been shot or hurt on the job had caused Will to basically be immune to hearing bad news about his little brother. But, if Jay didn't come back or flatlined, then he'd be freaking out. And, despite Will wanting to scream at all of Intelligence to go find him, he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't lash out right now because it'd only make it worse for you.

Your stomach growled, making Will go into even more protective brother mode. "When's the last time you ate?"

"Lunch," you answered.

"Y/N, it's 7:30. We gotta get some food in you."

"But, but what if he comes back? I wanna see him when he comes back."

"I'm gonna be honest with you. When he comes back, he's probably gonna need to go to the hospital just as a precaution. And, I know you have exams soon and your algebra one is stressing you out. I don't think Jay would want you to fail an exam just because you were worried about him."

"I hate math," you grumbled.

"I know. That's why you need to make sure you study."

"Doesn't mean I'm gonna end up liking it because I have to work on it."

Will didn't know what to say to that because he knew that you were right. So, he reiterated his previous point. "Let's go get you some food."

"Can-Can we just eat at home?" you asked. "I don't wanna not be home and hear bad news about Jay."

Will knew what you were getting at: you didn't want to break down in public.

"Yeah, we can do that. Still got a bunch of mac n cheese at home?"

"A few boxes," you answered, remembering how bare the cupboards were at your and your dad's house.

"We'll just grab something on the way home. C'mon."

"Can Erin come, too?" you asked.

"Go ask her. And, don't take the El by yourself. That's dangerous."

You rolled your eyes and followed him out of the locker room and into the bullpen.

"Erin," you started as you walked up to her desk. She had her head in her hands.

"Hmmm?" she asked looking up.

"Do you wanna come back to my house and eat dinner with me and Will?"

"I don't know if--"

"She'll come," Voight answered before she could finish.

"Hank!"

"Erin, we'll still be here working when you're done with dinner. Lord knows you could use some food in you."

"Fine." She stood up and grabbed her coat. "Not like you're letting me help with the case anyway," she muttered. But, no one heard that part.

Since she had quit Intelligence in Bunny's bar a few weeks ago, Voight was right in having her not work the case...not that she'd admit that. But this was her boyfriend, her partner, that was in trouble and she'd be damned if she didn't help get him out of this mess.

***

"Dad's not home?" Will asked as he let them into the house using the spare key that was hidden under a layer of dirt in the flower pot.

"He never is," you mumbled.

"What? What do you mean he's never home?"

"I mean, he's never home on Friday nights because he always goes out to the bar with some old friends," you told him. That was at least true. He did go out to the bar with some old friends...but it wasn't just Friday nights anymore, it was Friday, Saturday, and sometimes Thursday and Sunday, too. Because of this, he ate out a lot and didn't cook. Therefore, he had no reason to buy a lot of groceries, which was why there wasn't a lot of dinner food left in the cupboard...not that there was a lot of breakfast or lunch food here either, though. There was just enough for you to play it off that your dad just needed to go to the store. There was just enough for your brothers not to worry.

"Okay."  Will started to grab the Olive Garden you had ordered out of the bag. You said you weren't hungry--you didn't want to eat when you were this nervous-- and had only wanted to get some minestrone soup. But, Will insisted that you needed more than that so you compromised: minestrone soup and half an order of fettuccine alfredo...plus the breadsticks and the salad that came with the meal obviously.

A while later, Will was almost done with his food and was grabbing another breadstick and Erin was putting more salad onto her plate. You, on the other hand, had barely managed to finish your minestrone.

"Y/N, can you please eat a bit more? How about a breadstick? I know you love those," Will said.

"I'm not that hungry," you said quietly.

Will was about to say something when Erin stepped in. "How about you work on some of your homework? Maybe that'll make your appetite come back since you're using a lot of energy to focus. And, Jay mentioned that you have exams next week."

"He did?" you asked. You didn't think that Jay would mention stuff that you had going on in your life, like exams, to Erin.

"He always says how proud of you he is for working so hard in school...because he says that he was never as good in school as you."

"He really says he's proud of me?"

"He sure does."

"You guys mind if I do it out here? It's a lot easier to write stuff down when I'm writing in my notebook on the table instead of balancing it in my lap on my bed."

"Sure, kiddo," Will said.

You went to your room and grabbed your backpack and then started to work on your homework.

As you were working on it, your brain wandered back to the first time Jay had helped you with your math homework, all the way back in kindergarten, at this very kitchen table, when both of your parents had been working and Will was all the way in New York for his first year of med school.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, trying not to crumple up your math homework sheet and throw it across the room. It was only five subtraction problems, but subtraction was hard! You had only just started understanding addition!

You threw your pencil across the kitchen, where it narrowly missed the wall. It clattered to the floor, causing Jay to look up from where he was reading a book in the living room, the chair he had been sitting in was facing the kitchen, so he could keep an eye on you.

"Did you throw that?" he asked as he walked towards you.

"No," you lied.

He picked up the pencil. "If you lie, you get nine minutes in time out instead of six."

You didn't want to go in time out that long!

"I throwed it," you admitted, looking down at your math homework.

"It's threw, but thank you for being honest. Can you tell me why you threw the pencil?"

That was something his mom always did with him when he was younger: asked him why he did something and then, possibly put him in time out. Sometimes, he just needed to talk it out, and if that was the case, he didn't have to go into time out.

"I don't get sub-trac-shun!" you complained. "It's stupid!"

"Hey, we don't use that word."

"But it's hard."

"I know, but what if I help you? Would that help you to get it?"

"But Will said you not good at math," you pointed out, remembering something your oldest brother had said.

Jay chuckled. "I'm not good at big kid math. This stuff is easy for me."

"It's easy?"

"Oh, yeah. And, I think I might have something that can help you."

He walked over to the cupboard and reached up to the top shelf where he grabbed a bag of chocolate chips. He poured some into a small bowl and then walked back to the table and sat down next to you.

"We gonna eat chocolate?" you asked. "Even though I throwed-- I threw my pencil?"

"This is gonna help you learn subtraction."

"How?"

"Just watch." He paused and looked at the paper in front of you. "So, this one says five minus two."

"I know that," you told him proudly. "I know it says five minus two. I dunno what the an- the answer is though."

"Okay, well, take five chocolate chips out of here."

He held the bag out to you while you took five out, counting each one out loud. "What do I do now?"

"Now, if I eat two--" he popped two in his mouth. "--how many do you have now?"

You looked down at the chocolate chips. "One...Two...Three. I have three choc-chips!"

"That's right! So, five minus two is...?"

You scrunched up your face, trying to piece together what he had done. "I dunno."

"We had five chocolate chips. I ate two. How many did you say we have left?"

"Three!"

"Yeah. Five minus two is the same thing...just without me adding chocolate chips to the end."

"Huh?"

"Here." He took your paper from you and on the first three problems, he wrote chocolate chips after each number. "Five chocolate chips minus two chocolate chips is...?"

"Three!"

"Yeah! Good job! Now, write three down as your answer."

The next problem was three chocolate chips minus one chocolate chip and you did the same thing this time. Except, you got to eat the chocolate instead of Jay. You had two chocolate chips left this time.

Then, when you got to the last two problems that didn't say chocolate chips after the numbers, Jay showed you on your fingers how to figure out the answer.

Then, since you did such a good job, he let you watch Dora and eat some more chocolate chips.

"Y/N? Y/N? You good?" You were snapped out of your thoughts by Will saying your name.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine." You reached over the table to grab your pencil that had rolled towards Will. But, as you were reaching for it, your elbow knocked the two-liter of pop. "No!" you cried out as it spilled. It didn't just spill anywhere though...it spilled right on top of your algebra notebook. "Fuck this! I can't do this!"

You threw your pop-covered and sticky notebook on the ground and sprinted to the bathroom, ignoring Will and Erin's calls for you to come back.

You locked the door and slumped down against it. God, you needed that notebook. That had your entire exam review in it. And, if you didn't finish the exam review, you couldn't take the exam.

You only had 25 more problems left out of the 220 you had to do, hence why the review was given to you a month before you actually had to take the exam, so you had time to do it. And, some kids would wait until the last minute, but you figured you'd start early and do a certain number of problems a day so you didn't have to stress out and had time to ask your teacher questions if you had any.

But now, now you had a matter of days to do all 220 problems...and you had other exams to study for...and your big brother was missing...and...

Shit, here comes the Olive Garden.

You jumped up and lifted the lid of the toilet, quickly emptying the minestrone soup from your stomach.

"Y/N? Y/N! Open this door!" Will yelled as he banged on the door.

You leaned back against the bathtub and took a few deep breaths, willing yourself not to throw up again. You groaned as you felt the liquid rise in your throat and were back above the toilet in a matter of seconds.

You were panting at this point and trying to take a few breaths before more came out. Because you were so focused on making sure you didn't inhale your own vomit (ew) you didn't hear Will pick the lock and enter the bathroom.

When all that was left for you to throw up was bile and you were finished, you closed your eyes and leaned back against the bathtub once more, and took deep breaths.

"So that's why you didn't want to eat any more than you did," Will said.

"Will? How'd you get in here?"

"I picked the lock, Jay's not the only person in this family who knows how to do that, you know."

"I hate this," you mumbled, eyes still closed. "It happened last semester with exams too, but it wasn't this bad."

"Kid, you're stressing yourself out too much. You have to take a chill pill."

"I c-can't!"

"Okay," Will started as he crouched down next to you. "Why can't you relax?"

"I spilled pop all over my notebook!"

"So? You already practiced those problems. You know you don't need to practice them again, so just do the ones you need to practice."

"You don't get it!" You frantically rubbed the heels of your hands over your eyes as tears started to stream from them. "I needed that notebook! If I don't turn in the entire exam review I c-can't take the exam." You sighed and just put your head in your hands. This night seriously could not get any worse at this point. "And, Jay's miss- Jay's missing!"

"Y/N, I need you to take a deep breath for me, okay? Just take one."

"O-Okay." You took a deep, yet shaky breath.

"Now another."

You took another deep, yet shaky breath. And, you continued this cycle until Will deemed your breathing to be back to normal.

"How about you brush your teeth and then we'll figure out what to do for the homework once you do that. Sound good?" You nodded and stood up to go to the sink. "I'll be in the kitchen with Erin."

Then, Will exited the bathroom to go back into the kitchen like he told you.

"How is she?" Erin asked when she saw him come in. She had started cleaning up their take-out containers while Will had been busy trying to calm you down. "Sounded like she was puking."

"Because she was."

"Is she sick?"

"Not in the technical sense. But, she is what I like to call stress sick."

"Stress sick?"

"Exams are stressing her out, so add on top of the fact that Jay's missing, and she got so stressed out that she threw up."

"Poor kid," Erin sympathized. Then, her phone buzzed. "I gotta get back to the district. Tell her to feel better from me."

"Will do." He started to walk Erin towards the door, but stopped when they were almost to it. "And Erin? Bring my little brother back. Even though he's a pain in my ass half the time, I can't lose him. And, I know Y/N would take it really hard."

"Will, he's got the best unit in all of Chicago looking for him. We'll bring him back."

A few minutes after Erin had left, you walked into the kitchen, with clean teeth and the gross taste of vomit now out of your mouth, to see Will sitting at the table, staring at your notebook with a roll of paper towel next to him. "What are you doing?" you asked as you sat down.

"Trying to get the stain out," he replied.

"How? It's like the entire notebook, not just one page."

"You're talking to the king of spilled coffee on homework. And, lucky for you, pop and coffee are both water-based. So, I think I know how to get this out. You're gonna need to rewrite it in a new notebook, though."

"Okay. Need any help?"

"Can you just get me a bowl filled with water?"

"The paper's already wet. Why do you want to make it wetter?"

"Just trust me on this one." You yawned. "After you grab that for me, maybe you should go to bed. It's been a long day."

"Will you stay here?"

"Of course. I can just sleep in my old bedroom...unless Dad did something to it. Speaking of Dad, is he usually out this late? Does he usually leave you home alone this late at night?"

You were filling up a bowl with water and turned to look at Will. You shrugged. "Sometimes. It's okay, though." That was a lie. Most nights he didn't get home until two or three in the morning...but, Will didn't need to know that.

"I'm going to have a chat with Dad about that. He shouldn't be leaving you home alone this late at night."

"Will, it's not even that late. I'm fine." You placed the bowl of water on the table.

"Fine. But if it hits midnight and he's not home yet, then I will be talking with him about this."

You nodded. "Well, I'm gonna go to bed. 'Night Will. Sorry about getting sick."

"You don't have to apologize for that." He stood up and pulled you into a hug. "Goodnight."

You started to walk towards your bedroom when you remembered something and turned back to Will. "Will?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think Jay's okay? He's gotta be okay, right?"

"Y/N, he's got the best unit in the city looking for him."

"And Erin."

"And Erin," he confirmed. "He'll be okay." But, in that moment he didn't know who he was trying to reassure more: you or himself.

***

"You wanna go somewhere today?" Will asked as you were both sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal the next morning.

"I have homework to do...a lot more than I thought I'd have, too. Did Erin give you any updates on Jay?" you asked.

He shook his head. "But, he's gonna be okay. And, you don't have a ton of homework to do. You have a ton of homework to copy."

"What do you mean?"

At this, he placed the notebook on the table. "I told you I knew what I was doing."

You flipped open the notebook to see that Will was right: he did in fact know what he was doing. Even though the pages were all still tinted a light brown from the pop, the writing from you doing all the practice problems was still legible. "How did you...?" you trailed off as you continued to flip through your algebra notebook.

"Like I told you, I spilled coffee on one too many notebooks in college. Now all you need to do is copy the problems down into a clean notebook. Save you some brainpower."

"Thank you."

"Now, I suggest we got to CCU's library so you can get a change of scenery while doing that."

"CCU? Why? And, you're not a student there anymore. How are we gonna get in?"

Will scoffed. "They don't check student IDs when you go in. And, a change in my workspace always helped me to focus when I was studying, so maybe it'll help you."

"Workspace," you mocked. "So professional. But, yeah, let's do that. Can we keep our phones on though in case Erin calls?"

Will nodded. "Of course."

***

Getting into CCU wasn't actually that hard. All Will had to do was pay $10 for a day pass to park and then you walked into the library, no student ID necessary.

"Okay kiddo, where are we sitting?" he asked.

"I don't know. I've never been here before. Where did you normally sit?"

"Second floor. It's generally quieter up there and the tables are big, so I could throw my books all over it. But, I'd come back down here for coffee a lot, too."

"There's a coffee shop?" you asked as you widened your eyes. "In the library?"

"Well, tuition is out of this world. So, at least we get something out of it."

"Can we go? I think I have $5 somewhere in my backpack."

"If prices haven't gone up since I was here when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, then I can get a muffin and a large coffee for $5. I'll have the coffee and you can have the muffin. I'll pay," Will told you.

"Okay, thank you! And, you're not that old, Will."

You got your triple chocolate muffin and Will got his large coffee. Then, you found one of the big tables that he had mentioned and started copying your algebra review into another notebook.

"What are you going to do? Sit here and stare off into space?" you asked your brother. "Wait," you began as you started to rummage around in your backpack for an eraser, "What's this?"

You set a big book on the table. And it's definitely not something you'd read because it was called "How We Learn", which you assumed meant that the book was nonfiction and went into the science of learning.

"I found it in my room. Must've left it there from Christmas last year and I haven't had a chance to read it, so I figured I'd bring it to read now."

"Fair enough."

***

"Did Jay ever want to go to college?" you asked a few hours later. "Or, did he know it just wasn't right for him?"

"I think he always knew he wanted to do something involving being on the front lines and being in all the action," Will answered, dog-earing the page in his book and setting it down. "Why? You don't want to go to college either?"

"No, I do," you said quickly. "It's just- I just want to know things that I've never asked him if we...you know..."

Will nodded. "I know you're worried about him, but if Hank Voight's anything like Jay's told me, he won't let anything happen to one of his own."

"But he let it happen to Jules," you said. What if Jay was the next Jules?

"Jules? Who's Jules?"

"She was Antonio's partner. Antonio's the reason Jay got into Intelligence. And one day, he said we were going to go see a movie. Like, he just randomly picked me up from school and everything. I could tell he was sad after the movie, and it wasn't a sad movie, and he told me that someone he worked with died. A little later, we were walking by the memorial wall by the district and he showed me her name."

"I see," Will said, drawing on his talking-to-patient skills because what else was he going to say?

Luckily, he was saved by his phone ringing.

"Hello? Erin?" Pause. "He's at Med?" Pause. "Okay, yeah, we'll be there in ten minutes."

"He's okay?" you asked as soon as Will ended the call. "Jay's okay? They found him?"

Will nodded. "He's at Med. Erin said he's a little bruised, but he was conscious, so that's good."

You took Will's book and shoved it in your backpack along with your schoolwork. "Let's go."

***

"Nat, really, my ribs don't need to be wrapped. I'm fine," Jay protested as he sat in a treatment room at Chicago Med, Erin standing next to him in some clean clothes that Natalie had let her borrow.

"Jay, your ribs are badly bruised. They need to be wrapped. If you're more comfortable with a guy wrapping them, I can easily call in a male nurse for help," Natalie suggested.

"No, it's not that. I don't care who does it."

"My little brother just doesn't want to bruise his big ego, that's what's going on, Nat," Will said as he entered the treatment room with you by his side.

You jumped when Jay turned and you saw his face and his chest: a black eye that went from the inside corner of his right eye to his right temple, a gash on the top right of his forehead, another gash on the left side of his forehead which was diagonal and above the outside portion of his left eyebrow, a jagged cut that went down his left temple starting at eye level, a split lip, and purple, blue, and red bruises along with some cuts and welts that littered his ribs and chest.

"You're okay?" you asked as your lips pulled into a frown and tears stung your eyes.

"I'm okay. Just a little beat up right now. Nothing to worry about."

Without thinking, you ran to his bed and gave him a hug. He let out a groan as you squeezed a bit too tight, irritating his ribs.

You pulled away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's okay, my ribs are just gonna be a little sore for a few days."

"I thought you were going to be turned into fertilizer."

"Fertilizer?" Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Who told you that?"

"When you didn't call me back about dinner, I tried calling Adam, but he didn't pick up either, so I went to the district. I heard some guy on the phone saying he was going to turn you into- into fertilizer. I was so scar- so scared."

Tears rolled down your cheeks faster than you could wipe them away.

Jay stood up with a grimace and walked the few paces over to you, wrapping you in a hug. "Hey, I'm okay now. That's all that matters. And, you did a really good job calling Erin."

"I did?"

"You sure did. She told me all about how you told her that I was gone and that she'd be able to get me out because we're partners." He paused. "She also told me that you took the El by yourself."

"Erin," you whined. "You weren't supposed to tell him that."

"It's okay," Jay said. "I won't tell Dad as long as you don't do it again."

"I won't," you replied. Not like Dad would do anything anyway, you thought to yourself.

"Jay," Will started, "You need to get back into bed."

"It's just bruised ribs, Will. I'm fine," Jay argued.

"It's just bruised ribs, Will. I'm fine," Will mocked. "Yeah, tell me that tomorrow when you can barely walk because of how sore they are. Bed. Now."

"Fine." Jay sat down with a huff and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I swear, you're such a child, Halstead," Erin said.

***

You walked out of school a few days later feeling free. Summer was here and you were no longer a middle-schooler. You were now a high schooler.

You started to walk out of campus, the way you took to walk home every day, when you heard the thundering of footsteps behind you, causing you to jump and turn around.

"Jay." You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw it was your brother.

"Hey, figured I'd pick you up. My text must not have gone through."

"Oh, I turned my phone off because of exams. Sorry."

"No problem. C'mon, we're going out to lunch and then we'll stop home to grab your swimsuit."

"Swimsuit? Why?"

"Mom would always take us to Navy Pier on the first day of summer to go swimming. And, since Will's shift ends at 1:00 and I'm on leave because of injury, it's the first year we can actually do this all together."

You nodded, trying to hold back tears at the mention of your mom.

"Hey, let me take your backpack. That thing looks like it's gonna make you topple over." You took it off and handed it to him. "Whoa! What's in here? Rocks?"

You laughed. "Nope, end of the year locker cleanout. Everything that was shoved in my locker is now in there."

"No rotten food I hope," Jay joked.

"No," you laughed. "Why? Did you or Will leave food in your locker?"

"No, we knew better than that. But the kid next to me left a milk carton in there over spring break and that smelled funky when we got back. I started bringing my backpack around with me just so I didn't have to go back to my locker because it smelled so bad."

"We can't do that. Teachers say it's for our safety because of bombs."

Jay opened the door to the backseat and put your backpack in there while you got into the passenger seat. Then, he got in the driver's seat all the while thinking how you knew that that was the reasoning behind that rule. He knew the reasoning because he was a detective. But he thought that most of the time, kids just thought it was some stupid rule.

"How do you know about that?" he asked once he started his truck.

"One of my teachers told us. She was mad at a kid who kept bringing his backpack to class even though she told him not to, so he went off on her and called it a stupid rule and asked why we even had the rule. She told him it was because if there's a bomb threat then she has to check every single backpack. That's why."

"Oh," was all Jay said. He really didn't want to be having this conversation with you, but here he was.

"Is it different?" you asked.

"Is what different?"

"Like, is high school different now than when you were in high school? And how different is middle school from high school?"

"Are you nervous for high school already, kiddo? You just finished eighth grade like fifteen minutes ago!"

You shrugged. "I'm just curious is all." Jay quirked an eyebrow at you while he took his eyes off the road for a split second and then returned them back to the road. "Okay, fine. I'm a little nervous."

"Let's talk about this over brunch, okay?"

"Okay."

***

Of course, Jay knew that you wanted to go to iHOP because breakfast was good at any time of the day. Jay thought differently though and ordered a sandwich instead of breakfast food like you. You had gotten their cinnamon roll pancakes with bacon, sausage, and hashbrowns on the side.

You were waiting for the comment about it being a lot of food, but that never came...which you were thankful for. You didn't know how you were supposed to explain to your very perceptive brother that the reason that you were eating a lot here was that you only had about 3/4 cups of dry cereal this morning before school because you were out of milk. You were out of milk and your dad didn't go grocery shopping. And, it's not like you had enough money to buy groceries or that you knew where your dad kept the money so you could take $20 just to buy food and hide it in your room so that you had something to eat.

"So, what do you want to know about high school?" Jay asked. "Did you get your schedule yet?"

If you were going to Central Chicago High School after going to their middle school, you had the option to schedule your classes the month prior and then you'd see if you'd get those classes. Of course, it might not be possible to get every class with every teacher you want, but it was cool that you got to know right when you finished eighth grade. And, in high school, it was the same thing: on the last day of ninth grade, if you were staying for tenth grade, then you'd get your schedule on the last day of ninth grade. It was sort of weird to you, but you got used to it.

"Is Eva going to be at the beach, too?" you asked. You knew it was her's and Diego's last day of school along with Jordan's and Vanessa's, so you wanted Jordan and Eva to be there when you told everyone your schedule so they could tell you everything they knew about the teachers you had next year.

"I can text Antonio. Why?" Jay asked.

"I just wanted to see if Eva and maybe Jordan would be there because they could tell me everything about the teachers I have."

"I can text Antonio and Kevin. You know what, I'll text Ruz and Burgess too."

"And Mouse."

"And Mouse. Can't forget about him now, can we?"

"What about Erin? Is she coming, too?"

"Uh, I don't know about that. She's had a rough couple of days."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why?"

"You know how Voight took her in?" You nodded. "Well, after Nadia died, she was backsliding. Badly. And now, she's detoxing and it's kinda hard on a person's body."

"Okay, but seeing you would make her feel better. She's always happy when she's around you. And you always have this big, dopey grin on your face whenever you're around her."

"I do not," Jay protested. You raised your eyebrows at him. "Okay fine, maybe I do that occasionally. I'll text some people and then we can talk about high school."

Jay sent the texts while you continued to eat. He took a few bites of his sandwich and then broached the topic of high school once more by saying, "So, what do you want to know about high school?"

"I dunno. How's it different from when you went to school like twenty years ago."

"Hey! It was not twenty years ago. I'll have you know it was ten years ago!"

"Same thing."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Well, shootings happened, but not as much as they do now." You opened your mouth to ask if Jay had ever responded to one, when he stopped you. "And I know what you're going to ask. No, I didn't respond to one and I wouldn't tell you if I did. What do I always tell you?"

"I'm trying to keep you innocent and sheltered from all the bad stuff in the world," you said verbatim of what he had told you dozens of times when you asked for details of what he was doing at work.

"Word for word. So, we got to carry our backpacks around and it was an open campus."

"It used to be an open campus?" you asked, shocked.

"Yup, we rarely even had to sign out."

"Lucky! I wanna leave school and go to Mcdonald's for lunch!"

"Too bad you weren't born like fifteen years earlier and that could've happened."

"Oh, and we could eat lunch on the roof. There was a way to climb through the ceiling above the indoor track. It's closed now, though."

"Why'd they close it?"

"Yeah, you might want to wait until we're at the beach for me to tell that story since I'm sure everybody else would find it funny."

"Okay..." you trailed off, drawing out the "y". You didn't know why everyone would find a story of a hole in the ceiling being closed funny, but you figured it was best to let Jay have his way...with this one at least. "What's the difference between middle school and high school?"

"Now, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: nobody cares in high school."

"What do you mean?"

"Just ask Eva when we get to the beach."

"She's coming?"

"Her, Diego, Antonio, Kev, Adam, Kim, Jordan, Vanessa, Mouse, Erin, and of course Will are all coming."

***

Luckily, Jay decided to stay in the car while you ran inside your house and changed into a swimsuit, slipping your clothes over top of it so it would be easier when you got to the pier.

"Dawson!" Jay yelled as he walked up the beach, bag in hand filled with his swim trunks, water bottles, and a few bags of chips. Typically, he would've brought beer to the beach, but he had to drive home, with you in the car no less, so no drinking for him.

"Halstead!" Antonio yelled back.

Once you got up close enough, you saw that Gabby was there, too.

"Bring Gabby to be your DD, Antonio?" Jay jokingly asked.

"I mean, I'm sure Ruzek's bringing beer, so I might be able to get away with one."

"Uh uh," Gabby said. "If Kim brings some fruity drinks, you're driving home."

"So, if she brings regular drinks I can have a few beers?"

"Your cap is two, Antonio. You've got these two to take care of." She gestured to Eva and Diego. Diego was already jumping the waves and Eva was laying down on a beach towel starting to get a tan.

"Eva!" Antonio yelled. "Y/N's here!"

"Oh thank God," she said and walked up to you. "Girl, come sit your towel down next to mine and then we can look at your schedule."

"Yeah, I wanna see that, too!" Jay exclaimed.

"Should we wait for Will? And Jordan? Maybe Jordan has some input about the teachers. And, Jay said he has a story to tell about a hole in the ceiling of the high school and he wants to be sure everyone is around to hear it."

Ten minutes later, everyone had arrived and was in their swimming gear. "Okay, what's this story about the ceiling, Jay?" you asked.

"Oh, that story," Will joked.

"Yeah, that one. What other one would there be?"

Will rolled his eyes.

"Okay, before I start, I am going to preface this by saying that I was young and I was very stupid."

"He's stupid every day," Will dramatically leaned over Jay and whispered to Erin.

"Man, would you shut up and let me tell the story?" Will sat in silence for a few seconds. "Thank you.

"We all know about senior pranks. Well, it was my senior year and a few of us from the soccer team decided to pool our money together and buy some live chickens--"

"Did you say chickens? As in chickens with feathers? That squawk?" Kevin asked.

"Yes, real chickens. What other ones would there be?"

"Maybe they were chicken nuggets," Adam suggested.

Jay dramatically sighed. "Antonio, did you miss having me in the unit this week? You and Erin had to put up with these two bozos all by yourself."

"Hey!" Adam and Kevin yelled in unison.

"Anyway, as I was saying, some of us from the soccer team pooled our money together to buy chickens. Real live chickens, not chicken nuggets, Ruz. Then, we chose a Sunday night to get into the school--they always left this one back door unlocked--and we climbed onto the roof from the stairs/hole thingy in the ceiling right above the indoor track.

"Once we got to the roof, we dropped the chickens off of it. But, our stupid lookout got caught and then the cops came."

"You got arrested?" Adam laughed. "This is priceless."

"Didn't get arrested. Just had to do community service to be able to walk at graduation. But, nowadays, yeah, I'd have probably gotten arrested."

"So, that's why they closed it? Because you and your friends decided to drop chickens from the roof?" you asked.

"Exactly."

"Were Mom and Dad mad?" you asked. "I was little. I don't remember."

"They weren't thrilled, I'll tell you that much. I think if I would've gotten arrested it would've been a lot worse."

"He's downplaying it," Will said. "Mom grounded him from everything. Car keys, those crappy Motorola phones we had back then, GameBoy, dates with Allie. He couldn't do anything."

"Does not sound fun. I won't be trying that." You pulled your schedule out of the bag Jay had brought and passed it to your brother first.

"Aw, man, you got Cunningham for history," Jay groaned. "Or should I say Cuntingham."

"Jay!" you yelled.

"That old hag is still teaching? Damn," Will added.

"Okay, what's the issue with her? Eva? Jordan? Anything about this Cunningham lady?"

"She just hates freshman," Eva supplied. "When you become a sophomore it gets better."

"And she hates when you tip back in your chair," Jordan added. "She'll make you pay her 25 cents if she sees you do it in her class."

"Okay, no tipping in chairs, and I have to deal with her for a year, noted." You turned to your brothers. "How do you know of her?"

"I didn't have a problem with her other than the fact that she's a crappy teacher," Will said. "But  Jay, on the other hand, he's a different story."

"What'd you do?"

"So, I was a freshman when you were born and Mom went into labor the night before I had a test. And, because everyone hates tests, I went to the hospital with Will that morning and we waited for Mom to you know, be done giving birth to you.

"And, I went to school the next day and this old hag said that because there wasn't a doctor's note that I couldn't take the test--"

"He was this close--" Will pinched his pointer finger and thumb together so that they were almost touching. "--to taking you to school one day just to show you to Cunningham and saying is this a good enough doctor's note for you?"

"But Mom wouldn't let me do that...for obvious reasons. And then, because I couldn't take that one stupid test, I did not do well in that class."

"Just say you're related to me," Will said. "Don't mention Jay's name at all and you'll be fine."

"Got it. I'm gonna go in the water now."

You started to go in the water when you heard Erin and Will trying to convince Jay to go in.

"Dude, I can't roughhouse because of my ribs, you know this!" Jay told Will. "And, I am not going in the water with you again, not after what happened last time."

"Jay, that was twelve years ago, give it rest."

At this, your ears perked up. "What'd Will do?" you asked, walking back up to your brothers and Erin.

"He tried to drown me."

"Did not! I just wanted to see how long you could hold your breath."

"Yeah, see how long it would take me to drown!"

"He tried to drown you?" Erin asked.

"Yeah," Jay answered. "Me and Will were playing in the water. I was like 16 and Will was like 18. Y/N was a little toddler and was playing with her shovel on the beach. Then, Mom had to go to the bathroom, so she left me and Will in charge."

"Bad idea number one," Will said.

"There's more bad ideas. So, Y/N's playing in the sand, me and Will are playing in the water, and then next thing I know, Will's practically on top of me and holding my head underwater."

"And the minute I let you up was the minute Mom came back."

"Yup, perfect timing."

"And then you have Y/N who's sitting on the beach and decided to watch us and was just clapping her hands and chanting again, again!"

"Really?" you asked, as you tried to hold back your laughter. "I did that?" Will nodded and you shrugged. "Sounds pretty accurate to me."

"And then I didn't get ice cream after."

"Yeah, you didn't get ice cream after." Jay took a deep breath. "You almost killed me!"

You rolled your eyes. "I'm going in the water to cool off. Maybe it is best that you guys stay here. But, I mean, Gabby's here and I hope to God Will knows CPR because he's a doctor and that you cops do, too."

Once Will saw that you weren't focused on him and Jay anymore, he turned to his little brother. "Hey, how old was dad when he kinda, you know, clocked out on parenting us?"

"Early high school," Jay answered. "Why are you...oh shit, Y/N."

"Yeah, Y/N," Will reiterated. "And, we had Mom, so it wasn't that bad. But, she doesn't have that."

"She's got us," Jay said. "That's gotta count for something."

A/N: I was going to post this last night, but I almost fell asleep while editing, so it's coming out now. Anyway, not sure how I feel about this one, but I got it done, so that's all that matters. Thank you for reading! Please vlike/reblog and comment and tell me what you think! As always, if you want to be added to the taglist, just comment that you want to be added down below. PS: That story about chickens being dropped into the courtyard at school, yeah my older cousin did that for his senior prank and the lookout got caught and they had to do community service to walk at graduation.

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e 

[itzyourgirlnat]

Maybe a oneshot where B!D keeps getting really dizzy all the time and her sisters are really concerned?

One evening after a long day of work in the DEO, you were finally returning to your apartment when suddenly your head started hurting. But it wasn’t a regular headache, no, it was much worse. You managed to get home and as soon as you did you went straight to bed. The pain faded, so you ignored it, and assumed that it was probably because of all the hours you had spent working that day. That was what you thought until a couple of days after, you were at work filling some paperwork when suddenly the pain started again, but now everything was spinning, it didn’t take long for you to realise that you were really dizzy.

However, you had to get the paperwork done, so you continued working, hoping that the pain and dizziness would soon fade. But it didn’t, it did ease a bit, but was still there. Still, you refused to go to the doctors, you hated going to hospitals and avoided it as much as possible, you also didn’t tell anyone, everyone was very busy right now and the last thing they needed was to worry about you and your headache. However, it didn’t last long until they started worrying about you.

One day you were working on your desk when Kara walked in with some food. You were both talking while enjoying your lunch, when suddenly your head started spinning again, you tried to ignore it but it didn’t take long for Kara to notice.

‘Hey, are you ok?’ she said holding you hand

‘Yeah, just a bit dizzy’ you replied, resting your head in your hands.

‘You sure?’

‘ yes, don't worry’

Two days later, Alex and you were walking towards the DEO. It had become a habit that since on Tuesday’s you both get in later than usual, you both go walking together. You were chatting while going to work, when it happened again. Oh fuck no you said to yourself.

Once more you tried to ignore it but that didn't work.

‘Hey are you ok? You look a little pale’ Alex asked, placing her hand on you shoulder

‘Yeah i'm fine’ you then tripped, but before you could touch the ground Alex grabbed you

‘Woah Y/N’

‘It’s ok, ‘it's ok. I'm just a bit dizzy that's all’ you lied letting go of your older sister

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine’

As time went on the headaches got worse and worse and were happening way more often. You ended up avoiding almost everything that wasn’t work. However, there was one thing you couldn’t avoid, sister night. So there you were,Friday night, in front of Kara’s door. You took a deep breath and opened the door.

‘There she is!’ Alex said, walking towards you and hugging you. Kara soon joined

‘It's not like I disappeared for a month guys’ you said trying to let go of your sisters

‘Well it kind of is, I mean this is like the first time I properly see you in days ‘ Kara replied, finally letting go of you.

‘Well I’m here now’

You three chatted for a while before deciding to watch a movie. You all moved from the kitchen to the living room, but when you were walking towards it your head started spinning again you’ve got to be fucking kiding me. This time you couldn’t just ignore it, the pain was terrible and you could hardly focus on anything because of the dizziness.

‘Y/N!’ Kara exclaimed while super speeding towards you and holding you before you hit the ground.l

‘Y/N!Y/N! Can you hear us?’ said Alex who was also now next to you.

However, you couldn’t respond everything was very dizzy and you couldn’t concentrate

‘Move her to the couch’ said Alex

Kara lifted you and gently placed you on the couch. Once there, she started to caress your back. Alex sat next to you and grabbed your face with her hands

‘Y/N sweetie, can you see me?’

‘A-Alex’

‘Yes it’s me’ she started caressing your cheeks with her hands ‘Focus on my hands ok?’

You closed your eyes and did just that, you tried to ignore the pain and the dizziness and focus only on Alex’s touch. After a couple minutes you opened your eyes again and in front of you was Kara, with a glass of water.

‘Here drink a bit’ she gave you the glass. You slowly drank it

‘Wanna tell us what happened?’ She asked

You looked at both of them

‘I just got a bit dizzy that's all, it's not important’

‘Y/N come on. You’ve been getting dizzy for days now, it is definitely important!’ Alex answered

You looked down, suddenly ashamed

‘Alex, calm down’ Kara said

After some minutes you finally raised your head.

‘It’s horrible’ you said, and only when you said it, you realised you were crying

‘Oh Y/N’ Alex whispered. She brought you close to her. ‘What is it?’

‘I’ve been getting dizzy for weeks now and I-I can’t make it stop. At first I t-thought it was nothing, b-but it keeps getting worse and it hurts a lot lately’

‘Its ok, its ok’ Alex said, stroking your back.

‘I’m sorry, I didn't wanna bother you’ you said letting go of her.

Kara dried your tears

‘Hey no, you could never bother us ok?’

You nodded. Kara hugged you and Alex joined.

‘Let’s do this, you’ll stay with me for the weekend until we can see a doctor, alright?’ Kara said

‘nono, really guys, it's probably just because of stress from work. I’ll be fine’

‘Well in that case you’ll take some days off until you get better’ Alex added

‘There’s no way I’m getting out of this am I?’

They both chuckled.

‘Nope’ Alex said hugging you one more time

‘Now come on, what movie do you wanna watch?’

Luckily you were right and it was nothing more than stress from work. However, you ended up staying for a week at Kara’s house. Not because you were really sick, but because she simply wouldn’t let you go. But, even if you won’t admit it, you were really thankful for having both of them in your life and taking care of you cause without them you wouldn’t know what to do.

[hepaidattention]

denial

part 2

where Allison never died in s3 and Lydia and Stiles are still going strong in the flirting game but still stubborn, so Allison decides to set them up (with Scott’s help of course).

part 1 can be found here

Scott would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised to see Allison's name pop up on his phone screen as he played video games in his room. The names to pop up are usually Stiles and his mom. Seeing Lydia's name was a little more normal - he even got one from her earlier, telling him that Stiles was in the works of a terribly stupid plan and he needed to distract him from it. Hence the video games they were now playing together. Isaac was a little more regular, Isaac just wasn’t much of a texter. Point is, there were a lot of people in his life that he would expect to be texting him at 7 o’clock on a Tuesday night. However, Allison was not one he would expect. 

There was a time in his life where Allison was the most common name to pop up. But now, now she was with Isaac and things have been especially weird and tense since her almost dying thing. She said a few things, they both said a few things that might have made things even more awkward now than ever. It was by a miracle that Scott was able to even heal her enough to get her to a hospital in time. Even Scott thought they had lost her forever that night. 

Isaac was there in his room too, defeating Stiles in the game with a triumphant grin on his face. Stiles just looked like this gave him even more reason to hate him. Now that Isaac and Allison were officially dating, Stiles claims that Isaac broke some kind of bro code and he shouldn't be allowed over his threshold. Scott doesn't care though; Isaac's his friend. Besides the guy lived here most of the time, where else would he go?

Stiles, his attention now split, of course noticed Scott's uneasiness. Probably because he died a while ago and has shown zero interest in rejoining. Stiles was now frantically glancing from the game to zombie-like Scott, trying to catch his eye. It wasn't until his half baked attention span made him lose (Isaac cheering over his success) that Stiles turned to Scott and asked, "You okay there buddy?"

"Yeah, yeah," Scott locked his phone screen. He couldn't make himself open the text. He was sure it was probably something small, like 'hey do you have the history homework for tomorrow', but there was too much pressure for him to open it right now. He couldn't do it with two pairs of peering eyes now watching him. "Sorry, just started thinking. Got a little distracted. How about another round?"

"I'm down." Isaac tried to sound cool, but he sounded more enthusiastic about it then anything. With his permanently smug expression, he weaved his hands behind his head and leaned back, as if winning this game was a walk in the park.

"Of course you are Lahey," Stiles glared at him, his temper boiling when Isaac even breathed loudly. "Hey, why don't you do Scotty boy here a favor and go get him some water. He looks parched."

The weirdest thing about Isaac is now that he stole his alpha’s/friend’s ex-girlfriend, he did everything for Scott. Scott hated it. Stiles? Well he thoroughly enjoyed it.

Isaac shrugged. "Yeah, okay, I could use a drink." He got up and walked out, not even questioning it.

Scott waited until he left to say, "I'm not even-"

"Not all of us have a servant to wait at us hands and feet, okay now Scotty? Some of us, when thirsty, have to stretch a little truth to get even the simplest of things." He leaned back into the beanie bag and sighed. "Now what did Allison say?"

Scott's eyes widened and he looked behind them in case of Isaac before hissing, "How did you know she-?"

"You've been staring at her name on your screen for the past 10 minutes there, buddy. You're not exactly stealthy about it."

Scott smirked back at him and winced, it was this look that he gave Stiles a lot. Stiles knew it as ‘yeah okay well you don’t know everything thank you very much smartass’, but that was just general speculation. Nothing was set in stone. Scott looked back down at his phone fearfully as he said, "Like you can talk. You've spent all day staring at the clock, counting down the hours until you can go faun over Lydia Martin as she bosses you around again."

Stiles gave Scott that distinct look in return, this time it said 'you can't turn this around on me'. "Yeah, okay, whatever - I see what you’re doing. And I don't know what you’re talking about - I'm not seeing Lydia later."

Scott arched a brow, "That's not what Lydia said."

Stiles clearly wanted to ask what Lydia did say, but he was too smart for the bait. Scott knew it seemed to easy. Instead Stiles said, "So what you’re saying is you haven't even opened the text then?"

Scott puddled into the floor in shame, "Nope."

"C'mon man, she's probably just checking up, right? I mean, you've been really weird around her lately. Like borderline schizoid weird. Maybe she's just trying to clear some air so you'll stop dodging her every time you see her in the halls."

Scott frowned, "Have I really been that weird?"

"Scott," Stiles blinked, his face fallen, "yesterday she asked you for a pencil in class and you stared at her for five whole minutes before you gave her like ten. Then when she said she only needed one, you didn’t respond but instead you gave her like ten more."

"She loses her pencils a lot," Scott defended, "it was for later."

Before they could finish their conversation Isaac reappeared with the water. He handed it to Scott, which Stiles then took from his hands before he could even think about drinking it and took a long sip. Isaac flopped back into the beanie bag when Stiles said, "Hey, Scotty here's stomach is growling. You should go make your true alpha a sandwich, Lahey."

Isaac started to stand.

"Isaac, no stop -" Scott shot a glare at Stiles, clearly annoyed with his antics. "I don't need a sandwich, I'm fine."

"Okay," Isaac shrugged, "I'm gonna go make one for me then. I’ll make extra just in case." He walked out and Scott gave Stiles his 'I'm a disappointed mom' look.

"What? He’s hungry too, he said it himself.” Scott’s face didn’t change. Stiles sighed, “C’mon - Scott, he's like a puppy. He will willingly do anything the fuck I want for you and he doesn't even think twice. You could ask him to jump off a bridge for you and he'd probably do it."

"And that's definitely not something we're going to test." Scott gave him a warning glare before leaning back in his seat and looking back at his phone screen. "He just feels bad about Allison and he shouldn't, I don't have some kind of claim over her. We've been broken up for a while now."

"If it doesn't bother you so much, then why don't you just open the text from Allison?"

Stiles was attempting to make Scott admit something, but he actually had a really good point. Him and Allison were over, no matter what they might have said to each other that night. He needed to toughen up and read the text.

"You know what? You're right, Stiles." Scott unlocked his phone and clicked on the message in one swift motion. 

"That's not something I hear very often." Stiles watched, trying to read the text over Scott's shoulder. "What does it say? Was I right? Does she need to return to you all the unneeded pencils now?"

To Scott's surprise, it was about Stiles himself. Stiles and Lydia, to be more precise. Scott locked the screen again, just in time before Stiles got a glance at it. He just shrugged it off and said, "She just has question about history homework. I'll answer it later."

Stiles knew he was lying. Scott could tell by the look in his eyes, he didn't believe a word he just said. "Yeah alright, sound like believable bullshit at least." He deadpanned. "Not any chance you're going to actually tell me what she said, is there?"

"It's just about homework Stiles, that's it."

Stiles sighed and pulled out his phone now, his eyes on the time again. "I knew it. She wants to return the pencils. No normal human being needs that many pencils. Why do you even have that many pencils?"

"I always come to school prepared." Scott was reading the text again, now that Stiles was occupied with his own phone.

Stiles raised a brow, the corner of his lips sliding up to the side. "You know, just in case you break all twenty pencils with your werewolf super strength before lunch?"

“Ha ha,” Scott said with heavy sarcasm, probably something he learned from Stiles himself. 

The text said, "I need your help. Stiles and Lydia, as we both know, are in denial about being completely in love. We have to do something or I'm going to lose my shit. Meet me tomorrow morning at my locker. DON'T bring Stiles."

Scott was grinning to himself, something he wasn't aware of until Isaac with a mouthful of sandwich said, "What's got you so giddy?" He entered the room and dropped a plate of sandwiches at the floor in front of all of them. "You look like someone sent you that video of that dog who helps people cross the street again."

Stiles was now suspicious, looking away from his evident Lydia texting so he could check over Scott’s shoulder again to see the screen. Lucky for Scott his phone was back to being locked. Both boys were looking at him like he was up to something and he needed to change the subject. He decided on casually smiling as he picked up his remote control and said, "Who's ready to get their butts whooped?"

Stiles, taking a big bite out of his sandwich said, "Let's hope that answer is you."

As Scott royally got his butt handed to him in the video game, he looked down to see another text from Allison. When Stiles wasn’t looking he opened it, glancing down in between rounds to see it say: Take it back. Tonight. 9pm. Pick me up.

Scott had to keep his heart from racing the rest of the night. 

-

read part 3 here 

[passivenovember]

Ice Machine.

Harringrove April, Day Fifteen : Sun.

--

Two years before Dawn is born on a rainy Tuesday in March, Billie Joe Sinclair makes contact on the hottest day of summer, like a burst of cosmic energy. 

Humid, bright. 

A fallen star somehow searing through the fabric of a fuzzy pink hospital blanket when the nurse admits they’re all out of blue. 

Billy chokes on a glob of spit when the baby starts making noise. The kid’s so tiny, so cute, like a little old man--

“Stop crying now, dumbass.” Max says fondly. “Be cool.”

“I am cool.”

“Yeah, okay.” She readjusts the baby blanket, grinning. “You haven’t stopped whimpering since the first contraction, cool older brother.”

Billy hadn’t even realized--

He scrubs at his cheeks. “I was crying?”

“Was. Are. You were zero help.” She bounces the meatloaf sized bundle against her chest, drawing away when Billy somehow teleports closer to the edge of the bed. 

Max raises her eyebrows. “You wanna hold him?”

Billy guesses, through. 

A cloud of haze and fear, that. 

“Yeah.” He holds out his hands. “Give him to me.”

“I’m sorry? Give him to me?”

“Yeah.”

“This fucking guy.” Max grumbles, shaking her head. “Give him to me,’ he says. I just got the kid.”

“Well, you’re hogging him.”

She stares blankly, for. As long as it takes for steam to start pouring out her ears. “Fourteen hours pushing a watermelon through a keyhole, and you wanna fucking--”

Billy gags, suddenly lightheaded for the six hundredth time in the last hour. Max ignores him. Catastrophically unsympathetic to the dude who attended all those birthing classes, letting Max hold his hand in public and shit, all in preparation for Lucas being out of town. 

The things Billy saw in this delivery room.

He deserves some kind of award. 

But Max isn’t done. “Do you have any idea what labor feels like? My ribs were seriously breaking, you fucking--”

“Actually, they seriously weren’t.” Billy pulls up a chair, knowing that despite a fourteen hour labor and five hour delivery, this is going to take a while. Maybe even longer. “Jesus, I thought motherhood was supposed to mellow chicks out, not turn them into a fuckin’ sailor’s dictionary.”

“If I wasn’t bead ridden I’d kick your ass, Harrington.” Max snarls, but.

It’s fond. 

Aggressive, and hostile, and so fond. Their exact brand of love. 

“Watch your mouth, Maxine.”  Billy grins, pointing to the baby, like, “Kid’s already learned all the swear words he’ll need for the first, what, year of life?”

“You’re such a--”

“Let me hold him.” Billy says. Reasonable, clam. “If only to protect his innocence.”

Max shakes her head. “I’ve earned the right to hold my son for fucking ever if I want to.” 

Billy gasps. “Not letting the baby meet his dad as the result of a personal vendetta against me? That’s real nice--”

“Oh, fuck off. Why don’t you go throw up again, tough guy?” 

They continue on like that, poking at old bruises and creating new ones, not realizing when the door opens and nurse walks in with a shoddy brown clipboard.

She asks for a name. 

At which Max, laughing now, stalls. Her pale, sweaty forehead wrinkles and she blinks. Squeezing her eyes shut and opening them again, as if waiting for the name to come to her. 

“I don’t.” She says softly. “We never decided on one?”

Billy starts, leaning forward sharply. “You never decided?”

“No.”

“Well what the fuck--” The nurse makes a noise in the back of her throat and Billy holds out a hand. “Sorry, Heck. Were you doing this whole time?”

Max leans back against the pillow, frowning. “Who knows? Painting the nursery something gender neutral? Accepting unsolicited advice? Panicking.”

The baby starts fussing again and Max rocks him slower, humming under her breath as if posessed. 

Every good mother in history rolled into one.

Billy’s sister is a mom now, and.

He realizes, for the first time, how tired she looks. Absolutely exhausted, like the last ten months have taken everything from her and she only just now got it back, with the cry of a newborn baby. 

So he stands.

Wipes his hands on the ass of his jeans, like, “I got it.”

To which Max, nodding off now, snorts. “Oh, you got it?” She struggles off the pillow, wincing at something painful in her gut. “How do I know I can trust you?”

Billy would be lying if he said it doesn’t sting. “Ow.”

“No, I mean like. How do I know you aren’t going to name our baby something stupid? Like Metallica, or Camaro, or Steve--”

“Max, I would never, and you can quote me on this--” Billy leans forward, pushing the hair out of her face. “Name your baby Steve.”

She laughs. 

He takes in the sight of Max and her baby. The two of them together. “Let me do this for you, kid.”

She stares into his face, eyebrows pinched together, for what feels like an eternity. “Okay,” She mutters. “I’m trusting you to pick something good.”

Billy follows the nurse out of the room. “I will.”

“Nothing too manly.”

“Alright.”

“And nothing too girly either.” She calls. “Something gender--”

The door slams shut and Billy.

Can’t think of a single name. The nurse stares at him expectantly, clearly irritated that it took this long for an answer, and demands, “Alright, gorgeous, what’s the kids name?”

Billy can count the times he’s thought about this on one finger. 

All the names the can think of don’t sound right, so. He decides to stick with the basics. The tried and true. 

“Can I name him after someone we already know?”

The nurse blinks. “Kid, you could name him Salami for all I care, I just want to take my lunch break.”

“Alright, okay. Gimmie a second.”

Billy scrubs a hand across his face. There’s only room for one Steve in his life. Just like there’s only room for one Max, one Lucas, but.

He. Himself. 

That’s a horse of a different color.

“Billie.” He says. “With an i.e.”

The nurse squints at him. “Isn’t that your name?”

“Yeah. Uh. Add a Joe in there. Billie Joe Sinclair.”

Billy’s flying by the seat of his pants on this one.

The nurse catches him right away. “Isn’t that the name of that punk rocker?” And she says it, like. She’s got some sort of stake in this. Like naming your kid after someone who bleaches their hair is some cardinal sin.

Billy doesn’t have time for this. “My sister loves that band.”

“Yeah, but. Enough to name her first born son--”

“Alright, Salami it is.” He cocks an eyebrow, and a hip for good measure. “Salami Joe Sinclair, our mother will be thrilled--”

“Little Billie Joe does have a ring to it.”

“Joey for short.”

The nurse smiles at him. “Joey for short.”

--

Max takes it better than he thought she would. “It’s kinda cool.” She says, grinning. “Well. Slip of the tongue.”

“What?”

“B.J.” Max shrugs, like, “He’ll have one hell of a time with that in middle school.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there to protect him.”

Max calls him a sap and Billy leans back in the chair, fallin heavy with exhaustion just as the sun rises on a new day.

Dawn breaking, clear and bright.

When the baby starts fussing Max stares into his wrinkled, chubby face, like. “I’m not rewarding this behavior or encouraging it.” and the kid calms right down, just from the sound of her voice. 

So his sister’s a mom.

Huh.

Billy thinks it suits her.

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track three

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Indiana was sure she’d never had a longer Monday in her life, and Tuesday wasn’t looking any better. Her lecture droned on and she did everything she could to stay engaged, from downing the rest of her water bottle to doodling on the side of her notes. 

Just as her professor started to move into the brachial plexus, she saw a small message notification appear in the top right corner of her laptop screen. A text, from Grayson.

Wyd? :)

It took all her power not to scoff in the middle of the room. The fact that he’d actually sent her a ‘wyd’ was almost too much.

learning, what’s it to yah

She scrolled to catch up with her professor, trying to keep up.

I’m bored

You want a vanilla oatmilk latte later, right?

Or did I not remember that right

Triple texter, of course. She typed out a quick shhh, unless you can teach me about the brachial plexus I gotta pay attention. I’ll text you when I’m out and turned back to her notes, scribbling out the diagram that her professor was drawing on the board.

But she still smiled when she got a p sure you just made that up but okay :) from him. 

Lecture sped up after that, her professor moving much too quickly through the nerves and innervations of muscles within the plexus that she could barely wrap her head around. She was going to have to review all of it again to even begin to fully understand. At least it wasn’t chemistry like it had been last semester - anatomy she could handle because at least it was interesting. Before she knew it she was closing her notebook and laptop, throwing them in her bag and heading out the door in a bid to get to the hospital faster. 

Little did she know, Grayson was waiting in line at Jet’s already, having come to the city much earlier than he needed to, toe of his Air Force One tapping on the tile as his nerves ran wild. He caught his reflection in one of the windows and paused to double check himself, just like he had that afternoon in his mom’s hallway, looking in the mirror that was hanging on the wall. Ethan had caught him in the act, and he knew it wouldn’t slip past him. 

“Alright, spill. You’re being sus.” Ethan’s words were garbled by the PB&J  in his mouth, but it still made Grayson panic a bit.

“Am not.”

“Cut the shit Gray, you only wear belts when you’re trying to impress somebody and I highly doubt you’re trying to woo over the kids. What’s her name?”

“I hate you.” 

“Interesting name.” That earned him a middle finger.

“Indiana.”

“Actual interesting name. She cute?”

“Very. And smart. And funny too. Good with kids.”

“And tick tick tick go the soulmate boxes. You gonna try to make a move?”

“We’ve talked one time bro. That’d be bold.”

“Yeah, and you’re you.You fall in love when somebody blinks at you right. Case made. Let me know when the wedding is.”

Grayson didn’t have a comeback for that, so he just huffed a bit and let out a “fuck off” before he turned to head for city an hour before he needed to. 

“Next… Next.” 

He pulled his head up, realizing the line had disappeared in front of him. He moved up to the counter, hoping he’d remembered her order right since she’d yet to answer him again.

“Can I do a large dark roast, and a large vanilla oatmilk latte please?”

Down the line, a man with an impressive beard and large gauges perked up as Grayson put his card into the reader. 

“Wouldn’t happen to be for Indiana Cross would it?” 

He wasn’t sure what the right answer was, so he just went with the truth. “Yeah, actually it is.”

Based on the way that the man squinted his eyes at him, Grayson realized it was apparently very much the wrong answer. 

“And you are?” He asked.

“Grayson.”

“Grayson.” He repeated, obviously waiting for an elaboration.

“I uh… I volunteer with her at the hospital?”

Right answer. The man relaxed, going back to making coffee with a nod. He tried to run through the possibilities while he waited for the drinks. Brother? Probably not. Ex-boyfriend? Possibly. 

“She’s a good egg, used to work here before school got to be too much. You’re lucky to have a friend like her,” he said after passing over the drinks. 

Protective manager. Not what he expected, but he understood. He had a feeling it wasn’t just him who had gotten attached so quickly.

“Yeah, yeah I am for sure. Thanks, have a great day.”

“You too…” he trailed off, waiting. He didn’t know if he’d forgotten his name already or just didn’t want to admit he remembered it.  

“Grayson.”

“Right. I’m Patrick. See you around.” 

“Yeah man, see you.” 

Grayson headed out the door, balancing one cup on top of the other so he could text her quickly. 

You at the hosp yet?

no, I’m not at the ‘hosp’ haha I’m walking there now

You didn’t text me when you got out of class

I’m hurt

boo hoo

:(

Lemme just 

Throw this coffee away real quick

hey hey now those are fighting words

oh shit I never texted you about the coffee, but you were right, vanilla oatmilk latte

I’ll give you a pass this time since you were learning about the brachial whatever

You’re lucky im awesome and remembered

wow

the most awesome

love to see it

just wait outside of jets, I’ll be there in a minute

Okay :)

He did as she asked, moving out of the steady stream of people that were on the sidewalk to watch people who passed, waiting for her. Every time he saw a head of blonde hair he perked up, until finally he recognized her moving towards him. She was dressed more casually than on Sunday, with a baggy crewneck on with her jeans and Air Force Ones. 

She noticed him a moment after he saw her, so by the time she laid eyes on him he was beaming, putting his phone away and moving towards her. 

“A large? You spoil me,” she teased, taking the cup from him gratefully. It was delicious as always, but she was more focused on his outfit – a tight black long sleeve shirt tucked into a pair of nice maroon pants, a large belt buckle resting on his waist. 

“We match,” he grinned, pointing a toe out to show off his shoes. It was about the only thing that matched – she felt frumpy next to him in her comfy clothes that she wore to class. Even her Air Forces were dingy compared to his, dull and dirty.

“Uh huh, right. I didn’t know that our first joint Buddies meeting was a fashion show, give a girl some warning next time, will yah?” 

“Oh shut up, you look cute.” 

Her eyebrows went up as she looked down at herself, then back at him. He threw her back the same look of disbelief.

“Did I stutter?” He asked, practically daring her to argue with him. She just blushed and shook her head, taking a drink of her coffee as they started towards Frazier. They walked shoulder to shoulder and Indiana was grateful – it was fractionally less common in the colder months, but she always got her fair share of cat calls on the streets. After getting to know him, she didn’t find Grayson even slightly intimidating anymore, but she still had the image of him on that bench, broad and serious, and she knew it was no coincidence that everyone fell silent with him beside her. 

It was a new feeling, having to hold herself back. She’d never had the urge to wrap her arms around someone walking next to her, reach out and hold onto their arm, even just reach down to hold their hand. It made her giddy and skeptical at the same time as she tried to distract herself, watching the cars drive by, honking at each other. 

“Where’d you go?” Grayson hummed, bumping her just barely and pulling her out of her head. Her heart swelled a bit hearing her signature phrase fall so easily from his lips, which seemed much pinker than she’d last remembered as he took a sip of his coffee and waited for her answer. A few moments later he quirked an eyebrow – a very well-manicured eyebrow. Did he get those waxed? She resisted the urge to reach up and smooth down her own that she knew were bushy and definitely not as nice as his.

“Indiana. You good?” He tried again, 

“Hmm? Oh yeah, yeah I’m good, sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I was just checkin on you. Do we have a plan for this meeting or do you normally just go with the flow?”

“Depends on the mood she’s in. I’ve got some stuff in my bag – cards, my school stuff cause she likes to help me study sometimes. Other times she just likes to play 20 questions or hang out and talk. You’ll be the new shiny toy, so prepare for a bunch of questions. Especially about your teeth earrings.” 

He balked as they got to the doors, following her quick steps into the lobby.

“I’m sorry my what?” 

“It’s not everyday someone has diamonds in their teeth sir.”

“Okay but they aren’t teeth earrings, give me some fucking credit.”

“Definitely teeth earrings.”

“Jewels.”

“Teeth. Earrings. Oh my god, I’m gonna introduce you as teeth earring guy.” Her laughter filled the elevator as they stepped in.

“Oh god,” he groaned, letting his head fall back against the side of the little box as it moved up to the second floor. Indiana gave her most mischievous grin when the doors opened, walking quickly through the halls. It took Grayson a minute to realize that she was trying to beat him to Bekah’s room and he sped up his steps, trying to keep it casual as he passed rooms of kids and families, walking as fast as he could without full on running down the hall. They didn’t see the nurses laughing at their antics, but they didn’t care. Indiana side stepped into Bekah’s room abruptly, so fast that Grayson almost knocked her over trying to stop behind her. 

Bekah was up walking around in a hoodie and leggings, and when she turned she immediately pointed over Indiana’s shoulder.

“Teeth earring guy!” 

They couldn’t help it – they both busted out laughing, Indiana grabbing onto his shoulder to keep herself from falling over. When they finally got it together he spoke up first.

“My name is actually Grayson, but you can call me teeth earring guy if you wanna.”

“I’m Bekah Newcomb. Mandatory intro spiel, I’m 15, stage 3 leukemia. My parents aren’t pieces of shit, they just work a lot so they’re never here. No siblings because why mess with perfection. Any questions?” 

Indiana bit her tongue – she had forgotten about the spiel, forgotten that it was Bekah’s favorite way to test new people, make them uncomfortable. Her eyes flickered over to Grayson, but he had the biggest smile on his face.

“Only one, but it’s very important. You ready?”

“Hit me with it,” she said, anxiously waiting. 

“Is cereal a soup?” 

Indiana couldn’t have planned a better intro for the two of them – they bonded so quickly right there before her eyes, debating the constituting factors of soup, and it had her melting to see him interacting so easily with the girl who meant so much to her. Bekah didn’t even attempt to put up her usual front, just laughed and joked with him as if she’d known him for years. The hours flew by, games of war and BS passing the time as Bekah sat at the top of her bed and Indiana and Grayson sat at the end of it, knees touching as they resisted the urge to peek at each-others cards. 

The only hiccup came when Bekah got her meds at 7, but she put on her best show for Grayson, managing to keep her stomach settled enough to avoid puking. It was the most fun visit either of them had had in a while, and Bekah fought her drowsiness until visiting hours were over at 8. Indiana had to be the voice of reason, starting the goodbyes before the nurses came to kick them out.

“Are you both coming back on Thursday?” Bekah called out as they headed for the door. 

“Hell yeah we are. Want us to bring anything?” Grayson grinned.

Indiana liked the sound of us.

“Cereal, so we can test our theories.” 

“You got it. See yah Thursday Beks.”

“See yah Thursday, Earrings.” 

His laugh was so loud that the nurses at the desk peeked their heads around to see what was happening – but they were smiling up at the two of them as they signed out and started down the hallway they’d come up. 

As soon as they cleared the ocean hallway, Grayson turned to her.

“Was that okay? Like was that good?” There was genuine concern in his voice, and Indiana had to bite back a laugh. 

“Are you seriously asking?”

“Yeah, ‘course I am.”

“Grayson she loved it. She loved you. I haven’t seen her smile that big since she’s come in for this round of treatment. Were you worried about that?” She didn’t stop herself from reaching out and holding onto his shoulder, squeezing lightly as they stopped walking. 

“A little,” he admitted, relaxing under her touch.

“You’re a natural, I told you that. I promise you did great, I wouldn’t bullshit you.” 

He stopped walking for a minute, and there was an intensity in his gaze that had her stomach fluttering.

She didn’t know what she expected, but it definitely wasn’t for him to say “Can I take you to dinner?”

“Now?” Stupid answer.

“Well, it is dinner time. But if you aren’t hungry I could wait a while. Or if you don’t want to go, that’s totally okay, I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything just cause we’re doing this together and we share a buddy and-”

“I want to go to dinner,” she cut him off, and he could see the hesitation on her face.

“I sense a but coming…”

“But -”

His heart sank a bit - he’d fallen into the trap he always managed to get himself into, falling too quickly, making his move too fast. But it was natural to be next to her, to talk to her, to have her hand stay on his shoulder. He liked the feeling of her there, the sound of her laughter and the brightness of her smile, and he couldn’t quite hold himself back it seemed. It made the rejection he knew he was about to get hurt even worse. 

“But, I have to study tonight,” she sighed, and there was a genuineness to it that had him breathing a bit easier. She actually seemed disappointed, and the hope he felt rose up again.

“Oh yeah, the biceps whatever thing, that shit sounded complicated.”

“The brachial plexus, but A for effort,” she teased. “No but seriously, I gotta get that shit down or I’m gonna forget everything she said about it today. But I really do wanna go to dinner, I’m not blowing you off.” She rushed through her reassurances, dropping her arm and starting to walk again, towards the stairs this time.

“I believe you. How about Thursday, after we hang with Beks?” 

“Yeah, I can do Thursday!”

“Gang.” Fuck. He’d been doing pretty well at hiding all the slang he’d picked up in LA.

“Did you… what?”

“Nothing, pretend you didn’t hear that. Thursday sounds great. Oh, before I forget, can you bring some non-dairy milk with you when you come?”

She paused for a minute, looking up at him from a few stairs below like he’d grown another head.

“You want me to bring milk… non-dairy milk… to dinner.”

“No! No no, for the cereal! I just have a long drive and I don’t want it to get all gross and hot on the way, and since you walked I figure you live close by. I can venmo you for it.”

“Oh! Yeah, I can bring some, you don’t have to venmo me for it, no biggie.”

“Okay cool. Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t ask you to bring milk on a da- to dinner. Bring it to dinner. That would be… weird.” His cheeks burned hotter than he realized they could. The fact that he’d almost slipped and said date had embarrassment and panic coursing through every inch of his body, and he could already hear the way Ethan was going to laugh when he told him the story later. 

Of course Indiana heard it, but the way he was blushing to his ears had her pretending she didn’t.

“Thursday it is then,” she grinned, opening the door of the stairwell and holding it until Grayson passed through. The massive windows of the lobby were painted indigo, washed out a bit by the city lights but dark nonetheless. 

“Damn it’s dark,” he muttered. Even though it was beginning to get dark earlier now with autumn on the horizon, it was still much dimmer than he was used to.

“It’s supposed to storm the rest of the week, probably just the clouds,” she shrugged. She looked small for the first time to him, headed towards the doors.

“Can I drive you home? It’s really dark out.” The words came out before he could think them over - that seemed to be the effect she had on him. 

“Oh, it’s okay! I only live like three blocks from here, by the time you get your car I’ll probably be home,” she reassured him with a smile.

“Can I walk you then? I don’t like the idea of you walking out there in the dark by yourself.”

She paused at the door, and he half expected her to turn and remind him that she was very much capable of walking herself. But she surprised him, as she always seemed to do.

“Yeah, yeah that would be really nice actually. If you don’t care.” 

“No, I’d love to. You ready?”

She nodded and pushed the doors open, hair blowing back in the wind as she walked outside. The temperature had dropped significantly, the true sign of a storm coming through just as she’d suggested.

He took his spot beside her, shortening his strides so he didn’t stray too far from her, standing tall and broad. Indiana felt small next to him, but in a good way for once. It was even more comforting than earlier, and she took slower steps than she usually did, trying to draw it out as long as possible. She tried to convince herself it was because she wanted to procrastinate studying, didn’t want to have to tackle her notes, but in reality she knew it was because she didn’t want the night to end. 

It was a comfortable kind of quiet, the bustle of the city streets creating the perfect background noise as they weaved down the sidewalks. Indiana felt like if anyone looked at them they’d be able to see the little bubble of nervous energy surrounding the two of them - it had her feeling like she was back in middle school, giddy because the cute boy looked at her for two seconds.

Much too quickly, her apartment building appeared, tall and imposing in the dark.

“This is me.”

“Damn, that really was a short walk.”

For once, she wished it had been longer.

“Thanks again for walking me.”

“Yeah, yeah no problem, anytime. Um… have a good night.” He could hear the awkwardness in his tone, felt like it was palpable in the city air.

“Goodnight Grayson. Drive safe.”

“Goodnight Indiana. Sleep safe.”

That earned him his new favorite smile, but only for a moment before she disappeared into the lobby.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 “Bro, will you fucking focus?” 

There were few things that annoyed Grayson more than his brother taking too long to finish his reps on the equipment, but that day he’d become his own pet peeve. In his head, distracted, constantly checking his phone - and Ethan was beyond annoyed.

“Alright, out with it. The fuck is goin on in there?” Ethan smacked Grayson’s head lightly, concern starting to overpower the annoyance. 

“It’s nothing, let’s just finish this shit before it rains again,” he huffed, moving to the single pull up bar that he’d built last year and starting his reps. The sky was a dreary gray, the cold of autumn starting to come in and clinging to everything it touched.

It wasn’t nothing. Actually, it was much much more than that, and Ethan knew it too, but he didn’t pry. Yet. He did his best to keep his brother focused for the rest of their Wednesday work out, encouraging him to get more reps, to push a bit harder. It didn’t seem to clear his head at all, and Ethan held his tongue for a few more hours, waited until they were both showered, in fresh clothes and in the kitchen making lunch for him to finally ask again.

“Is it the girl? Indiana?”

Grayson didn’t answer, but the look that he threw Ethan from his spot in front of the stove told him enough.

“What’d she say? Lemme see.” 

He passed his phone over, moving back to stir soup he was making as Ethan read the message. Grayson remembered exactly what it said, even if his twin didn’t mumble it out as he read.

“Hey, about dinner tomorrow. Turns out my sister and brother in law are moving out of my place (finally) because Charlie got a new photography deal and I promised I would help them move :( but we could do dinner on Saturday night if that works for you still? If not it’s okay. What’s wrong with that?” Ethan asked.

“She doesn’t wanna have dinner,” Grayson muttered, watching the soup spin in the pot as he stirred.

“That is so not what that means. Is this seriously what you’ve been pouting about all morning?” Ethan had to bite back his laugh. He hadn’t seen his brother this in his head about something in a while, and he didn’t want to make him feel stupid for being worried. “If she didn’t want to have dinner, she wouldn’t have asked about Saturday.” 

“How do you know? You haven’t even met her.” 

“Cause I’ve had a girlfriend for two years. You just learn what they mean in their texts even if they don’t say it.” 

The last thing Grayson needed in that moment was a reminder that his brother was in a very loving relationship, but he let it slide. Eden had come into their lives a few years back, a fireball of take-no-shit and feminine power unlike either of them had ever seen. It was a learning curve, and Ethan was determined to ace the test. Grayson was glad that he had - she’d become a sister to him, and she brought fun and laughter to their life out in California. 

“Call Eden, see what she thinks,” Grayson said, scooping soup out into bowls for the two of them. Ethan did as he asked, pulling up facetime and letting it ring through until she appeared on the screen, wide smile bright against her tanned skin, California sun bright in the background. 

“Hey baby! What’s up?”

“Grayson’s having girl problems.”

“Oooo I love girl problems, hand him over,” she teased, still beaming when Ethan passed over his phone. 

“Alright hit me with it, what’s the tea?” 

Grayson tried to give her the short version of how he and Indiana had met, but he found himself elaborating with each detail that he remembered, from every word of the text down to the way she said goodbye the last time he’d seen her, only the night before. It felt like longer than that. 

Eden was quiet for a moment after he finally finished the story, but by her coy smile he knew she was just trying to figure out how to word everything correctly. 

“Okay, so first off, just to clear things up, she’s not blowing you off.”

He wanted to believe her, desperately, but the doubt must have still been obvious on his face, because she rolled her eyes before she launched into her explanation.

“She texted you today instead of tomorrow, which probably means as soon as she found out she told you. That’s a good sign. She’s nervous too, that’s why she said ‘if not it’s okay’, cause she’s trying to give you an out if you want it.”

He very much didn’t want an out. He actually wanted an in.

“The fact that she reached out at all shows that she cares, and she’s trying to set up another time which definitely means she’s interested. Most girls would just wait to see if you would set up another one, that’s what I would have done. Tested to see if you were invested. But if she’s willing to do it, that means she must be pretty sure of you. Or totally oblivious to the fact that you like her. Either way, you’re in good shape.” 

“Who said I like her?” He muttered, getting a barking laugh out of both members of his audience.

He let them fall into conversation without him, the quick catch up of their day that they’d been doing lately since they were on opposite sides of the country. It was hard for Ethan, but he managed it well, with plenty of sappy texts and nightly facetimes that would have Grayson gagging but secretly wishing he had someone to talk to like that.

He wondered what Indiana was like on facetime while he ate his soup. He wondered what her favorite color was, why she took oatmilk in her coffee instead of regular, what her class schedule was. Wondered what time she woke up on the mornings when she could sleep in, what she’d want to do on a real date, what her room looked like. He never realized how much mental space he had for someone other than himself or Ethan, and he found himself obsessing the smallest things, trying to ignore the butterflies it brought to his stomach.

Ethan didn’t help once he finished his call and started devouring his luke-warm bowl of veggie soup.

“Bro you’re in deep, I can tell. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get this attached this quick before.” 

“There’s just something about her dude. It’s scaring me a little honestly. I’ve never felt like this about anybody, and I’ve literally only seen her twice. I mean, I barely even know her, but I can’t stop thinking about her. Is that weird?” 

Ethan thought of about twenty comebacks that he could have used, but he bit them back. He could feel his twin’s anxiety, and he wasn’t about to add to it.

“Nah man. It’s not weird. It’s intense, but it’s not weird. And hey, if she ends up being the one someday it’ll make a cute story. You hear all sorts of people say they fell in love the first time they saw their person, who says that couldn’t be you, yah know? But hey, I gotta meet her before you go proposing or some shit.” He bumped his shoulder with a smile, turning back to his bowl of soup so Grayson didn’t feel like he had to respond right away.

He thought on it for a minute, trying to process everything his brother had just laid out on the table. And then he pulled his phone out, clicked on his new favorite thread to check, and typed out his reply.

Saturday date it is

See you tomorrow :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Indiana Cross was never late. In fact, she was usually a minimum 10 of minutes early. But one too many outfits changes had slowed her down and she was cutting it too close for comfort - so close that when she looked out and saw the rain had started up again, she contemplated just running out into it and getting drenched instead of trying to make it back upstairs to get her umbrella. 

She peered out into the street through the lobby doors, trying to decide if the drops would be enough to ruin her outfit, when something caught her eye. 

A hand, waving quite cutely at her through the glass. 

Grayson was outside, massive black umbrella over his head and a wide smile on his face as he walked up to the doors, waiting for her. He hadn’t said anything about coming to pick her up, but her heart fluttered at the sight of him anyways - she’d seen him just a few days ago, on Thursday, where they’d sat on Bekah’s bed again and ate cereal and laughed and joked. But it felt like it had been forever, and with the added stress of moving Charlie and Devin out, and the hard goodbye that she didn’t want to admit was hard, she hadn’t really relaxed since she’d last seen him. 

He made sure there wasn’t a gap between the awning and his umbrella so she could duck under it without getting wet. As soon as she was under she made her move, if you could even call it that, and wrapped her hands around his bicep, trying not to gawk at how big it was. Instead, she looked up at him and scrunched her nose.

“Hi.”

“Hi there,” he beamed, and she could see the excitement in every single one of his features. “Figured I could walk you. You ready?”

She nodded, holding on to him as they started to walk down the sidewalks. His slow Jersey pace mixed with her short legs and quick New Yorker steps kept them perfectly in sync as they dodged puddles and soaked up the feeling of being together again. 

The conversation flowed as easily as ever, Grayson asking her how moving Charlie out went, if she was sad to have her sister so far away. They talked about Cameron going to school in South Carolina, and how he and Ethan couldn’t spend more than a week apart without going crazy. She talked about school, the assignments she had lined up for the week, the exam she had already started studying for even though it was next Friday. Every time they got to a puddle that was too big for both of them to walk around he guided her to the dry part, walking lightly through the water so he didn’t splash her. 

They got to the hospital much too quickly, and she let go of his arm reluctantly so he could pull the umbrella down and shake off the excess water before they made it in. Grayson led the way up the stairs and onto the unit, waving at the kids he saw, giving Andre a high five as he passed and asking the nurses how their shift was going. Indiana couldn’t help but notice the way the younger nurses - actually, all the nurses, seemed to be watching his every move, blushing and smiling at him as he passed.

She fought the urge to reach out and hold his hand, walking just a bit closer to him so their arms brushed against each other as they moved. It sent electricity through every nerve ending on her body, and she got so caught up in it that she almost forgot to stop him before they made it to Bekah’s room.

“Hey, one thing. I know we’re going on a date later, but let’s not have any… like us stuff, while we’re here. I don’t want Bekah to feel like a third wheel or anything, cause we’re here for her. Deal?” 

“Deal.” There was a prideful look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite place, but she didn’t have time to analyze it before she stepped into the room. 

Bekah was in her bed, curled up under the blankets on her side. Her head was wrapped in a light blue scarf - something her mom had brought her a few days prior, sweatshirts pulled down over her hands as she shivered. 

Grayson’s face fell immediately, and he froze at his spot by the curtain. She looked sick, actually sick, for the first time, and it brought on a wave of memories and emotion that he wasn’t quite prepared for.

Indiana didn’t blink. 

“Hey you. How are you feeling?” Her tone was soft, soothing as she moved to her bedside and laid a hand on Bekah’s shoulder, starting to rub against her cold skin.

“S’ cold,” Bekah mumbled, burrowing down further, so far that Indiana could only see her brown eyes and the dark skin of her forehead.

“Want me to go see if I can get you another blanket?”

She nodded weakly, resting her head back on the pillow as Indiana stood up and moved over to Grayson.

“You okay in here by yourself for a minute?”

Grayson nodded, half to answer and half to convince himself. She gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before she disappeared out the door. He stood there in silence for a moment, hands shoved in his pockets, unsure of what to do.

Bekah peaked her head out just enough for her mouth to be visible before she spoke. 

“I’m not contagious, Earrings, you can come over here.”

The tension in his shoulders released and he walked over, sitting down as gently as he could on the edge of the bed.

“You’re weird,” Bekah said, eyes still closed. He panicked a bit, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Yeah? Why am I weird.”

“You don’t like being around sick people, but you’re volunteering at a kids hospital. Weird.” 

“I don’t think anyone likes seeing people sick,” he murmured, trying to word everything very carefully.

“Indiana likes being around sick people because she likes to help. I think you like to help too but it makes you uncomfortable.”

There was no malice in her tone, but it still made him let out a dry laugh.

“You’re an observant one, aren’t you.” 

“Not much else for me to do in here but watch people. But seriously, why’d you sign up to make yourself uncomfortable? Did someone tell you to?”

“Yeah, kinda. Someone told me if I could help that I should.”

“Your mom?”

“My dad actually,” he corrected quietly, toying with his fingers. Anytime he said his name out loud, no matter the form it took - dad, father, Sean - it was like he could feel it in his heart, a little tug on the original wound, a finger picking at a scab that wasn’t quite formed yet. 

“I’ll have to thank him for that some time. I like having you around, no matter how awkward you are.”

“Well thanks Beks.”

He was saved from his devolving thoughts by a very excited Indiana coming back into the room with not one, but three blankets stacked in her arms. 

“I declare it movie night,” she said, passing both of them their own blanket and rummaging for a remote, pulling up Emperor's New Groove before settling down into a chair on the other side of the bed. Grayson pulled one up so he could sit back, and without the distraction of conversation Bekah was out within the first 15 minutes, breaths deep despite the winces that she couldn’t hide. Indiana just ran a comforting hand over her arm until she lulled down further, tired muscles finally relaxing.

“She’s gonna be out the rest of the night, we might as well let her rest. You ready to go?” She asked after another twenty minutes, a bit of excitement returning to her eyes. 

He nodded, moving to fix Bekah’s blanket over top of her one last time before he clicked the TV off and left her to sleep. 

As soon as they signed out, he couldn’t hold back his questions.

“Is she getting worse? It seems like she’s getting worse.”

“Not necessarily. Chemo is weird like that sometimes, sometimes she’ll have good days with her meds, sometimes she’ll have bad ones. It’s just her body trying to fight for and against her at the same time. Exhausting, I would imagine. But she’s okay.”

“She doesn’t seem okay,” he said, looking back down the hallway before they went through the first set of doors.

“Hey.” He turned back to her, noted for a moment that her eyes were the same color as the painted jellyfish on the wall behind her. It grounded him somehow. “Don’t carry all this out here with you, it’ll wear you down. She’s in good hands, she’s sleeping, she’s safe. They’re doing everything they can for her, you’ve gotta trust in that.”

He knew that sometimes it didn’t matter how much they did, but he kept that to himself. 

“You want me to compartmentalize.” 

“A little bit, yes. It’s the only way you can survive something like this, trust me.” 

He did. And he knew she was right. So he closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, let himself let go for a moment and breathe a bit easier. Without a hesitation, he reached a hand out for hers as soon as he opened his eyes, linking his fingers with hers. 

“Okay. Let’s go on a date then.” 

“Let’s go on a date,” she repeated, squeezing her tiny hand against his as they started down the hallway again. 

He’d hatched a whole plan, ran the whole thing by both Ethan and Eden. They were going to get dinner at a little vegan food truck that he had made sure would be close by, walk the High Line for the last hour that it was open, and finish off with a late night coffee from Jets. 

“Do I get to know the details of this date?” She asked while he opened the umbrella up outside and offered him her arm, almost as if she knew he was running through the itinerary in his head for the entire walk.

“Nope, you’re just along for the ride.” He grinned, trying to keep his confidence up as he started walking down the sidewalk.

For the first block, everything was fine. The rain picked up slightly, but nothing too bad, and it only made her hold onto him a bit tighter, leaning into him to avoid getting wet. He reveled in the feeling, holding himself back from leaning over and kissing her forehead. 

The second block, things got a bit worse. The wind began to howl, thunder booming so loud above them that they both jumped. It seemed to shake the buildings around them a bit, and Grayson bit his lip, scrambling to think of what they would do if it got worse.

By the third block, all hell broke loose. The rain was coming down in sideways sheets, soaking their shoes and pants as Grayson tried to angle the umbrella and keep Indiana dry. It worked for approximately two seconds before the wind inverted the umbrella, leaving them both entirely exposed. 

“Sorry, fuck, sorry!” He yelled over the roar of the rain, trying desperately to fix it as their shirts became heavy and wet. Their hair stuck to their foreheads, and when he pushed his back he saw that Indiana was laughing, laughing so hard that she leaned back slightly, clutching her stomach.

“C’mon, c’mon!” She grabbed his hand, dragging him along as they ran through the downpour. He followed her blindly, holding tight to her slippery hand as she weaved them through umbrellas and past people huddled under stoops. 

When she pulled him into the lobby of her apartment building they were both laughing, breathless and giddy, so loud that a few people turned to look at them.

They didn’t notice.

“Your teeth are chattering,” Grayson laughed, reaching out to rest a hand on her quivering cheek. He was cold too, but he didn’t care. He hoped the blush he got out of her warmed her up a bit. “Not to invite myself up or anything, but do you care if I get dried off?”

She rolled her eyes at him, just taking his hand and leading him over to the elevator. 

Unfortunately, a perfectly dry woman in her 40’s stepped on with them, and all it took was the sound of the water dripping off their clothes onto the tile for them to both break into a fit of giggles, Grayson’s mouth going wide in a silent cackle that had Indiana having to cover her own to keep from being too loud. She felt like a middle schooler getting scolded in the back of class until they made it to her floor, stepping past the woman with a muttered ‘sorry’ and wide smiles. They stared at each other until the doors closed, and then they were laughing again, holding onto each other’s shoulders as they tried to make it down the hallway and breathe at the same time. 

Grayson was wiping tears by the time they got to her door, still giggling to himself as he started to shiver, his clothes getting colder by the minute. He took his shoes off outside the door, not wanting to track even more water inside as she opened the door

Her apartment was a bit warmer than the hallway, a welcoming and simple space with a small kitchen to the left and a cozy living room in front of him. Without realizing that he had even done it consciously, he had imagined her in a place just like this, with the big windows on the other side of the room covered in rain. 

“Nice place,” he murmured.

“It’s no house, but it’s nice enough,” she teased. “Let me see if Devin left anything here that you can wear, hold on.” 

She disappeared into a room on the right and he made his way into the living room, showing himself around. The picture frames on the top shelf caught his eye for a moment, and he smiled at how cute she looked as a baby, how beautiful she looked in her dress with her sister beside her. The woman holding her hands in the last one looked just like her, and he was about to ask when he felt Indiana behind him.

“That’s my mom. Nicole.”

“She seems like a great mom.”

“Yeah, she was.” 

Grayson froze. Fuck. 

“Shit, Indy, I’m sorry I-”

She put a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. But let’s not talk about it tonight, yeah?”

He nodded, trying to swallow down his guilt. He knew what it felt like to have that sprung on you without a warning, and he wished he could pull the words back out of the air, back out of her mind. 

“Try these.” She passed him a pair of pajama pants. “I’m still looking for a shirt, I might have something that’s big enough for you. There’s a bathroom in my room if you wanna change in there.” 

“I can just go shirtless for a while, it’s no big deal,” he reassured her. Her eyes went wide for a moment, and he saw her swallow.

“Okay. I’m gonna change now.”

“Okay. I’ll wait until you’re done.”

They stared at each other for a minute before Indiana finally moved, going into her room to start rummaging through her own clothes. She changed faster than she ever had, throwing on a pair of leggings and a crewneck with some comfy fuzzy socks before she was back in the living room.

“All yours. Um, do you want anything specific for dinner? I haven’t gone to the store in a while, and I would feel bad making somebody deliver in this weather,” she mumbled. 

“Well, I’m vegan, but don’t worry if you don’t have anything, I can make it till I get home.”

In all honesty, he was starving, but he wasn’t about to end the date early because of a lack of plant based meal choices. 

“I’ll see what I have, go change so I can put your clothes in the dryer with mine.”

He did as she asked, moving into her room. It was similar to the living room - white bedding, simplistic artwork in wooden frames on the walls. But above her bed were an assortment of vinyls, and he actually gasped when he saw the one in the middle.

“You listen to Cudi?!” He yelled, running back into the living room. Indiana was in the kitchen with a cucumber in her hands, but he made her jump so hard that she almost dropped it.

“Yeah, do you?”

“I fucking love Cudi dude, he’s the best artist of all time. I can’t believe you listen to him too.” 

“Do I not give off Cudi vibes,” she laughed, putting the words in air quotes.

“No, you definitely do not.”

“What vibes do I give off then? Or do I not wanna know.”

“You don’t wanna know,” he grinned, flinching when she raised the cucumber like she was going to throw it.

“Go change Gray.”

He went back in, headed to her bathroom. It was much darker than the rest of the house, with a dark gray shower curtain adorned with wildflowers. He locked the door and stripped down quickly - his underwear were still damp, but he wasn’t about to go commando, especially if he was gonna risk having to hide a boner later. He had no idea how far the night was going to go, but he wanted to be ready for anything.

Standing there in the mirror in his boxers, he contemplated it for a minute, and then pulled a very 2016 Grayson move of dropping to the floor and doing a quick set of push ups so that his bare arms were a bit more swollen than they had been. 

He pulled the pants on, groaning a bit at how long they were, and how tight they clung to his ass. Worried that he’d spent too long in the bathroom he picked up his wet clothes and headed back to the living room with the ends of his pants rolled up three times so he didn’t trip on them.

“You didn’t tell me Devin was a fucking giant dude! How tall is that mans?” 

“He’s 6’5”,” Indiana laughed from somewhere he couldn’t see her, popping up with a loaf of bread and putting it on the counter. Her eyes went wide at the sight of him, so much tanned skin stretched over thick bands of muscle that it had her mouth dry. She swallowed again before she spoke. “Just sit those down, I can put them in the dryer.” “I can do it, are yours already in there?” 

“Yeah, it’s over there.” She smiled and pointed to the doors in the hallway. He put them in and turned it on before he finally made it to the kitchen and saw the assortment on the counter. But she wasn’t looking at the food anymore - her eyes were all for him, and he felt himself fall nervous under her gaze again. 

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re just cute.”

“Oh yeah, these pants are what do it for you huh?” He gave her a little spin just to make her laugh.

“Did I stutter?” She tilted her head to the side just barely, and it took all his self control not to lean in and kiss her right then. Instead, he just shook the thought from his head and stood close enough to where her shoulder was against his arm. 

“What’re we workin’ with?”

“Well. I’ve got apples, a few grapes, jelly, some lettuce, bread, peanut butter, a sweet potato and crackers. Sorry.” She was sheepish, and he just shook his head at her with a frown.

“Nothing to be sorry for. You trust my PB&J making abilities?” 

“That depends entirely on if you cut it into triangles or squares.” 

“Oh c’mon, it’s triangles all day,” he scoffed, getting a laugh out of her that had him floating. 

“Then yes, I approve. Do you care if I study while you make them? I just have a few things to go over.”

“Do whatever you gotta do,” he reassured her, moving to open the bread while she went back to her backpack. She was back quickly, with a stack of flashcards in her hands. 

“Here,” he cleared her a spot on the counter next to where he was working. “Sit up here, teach me some stuff.”

“It’s just vocab stuff, nothing interesting.” 

“Just say it outloud, maybe I’ll learn something.”

And so she did, laughing at the way his brows would furrow and the incredulous look he’d give her when it was a particularly long word. He took his time on the sandwiches, moving to cut up two apples and split the rest of the grapes between the two plates that he found after looking through the cabinets. 

He cleared his throat and held out the plate on the palm of his hand. “Bon appetit madam.”

“Why thank you,” she giggled, sitting her cards down and taking it from him gratefully. She stayed perched on the counter and he leaned back against the fridge, taking his own plate in his hands. She complimented the food as she ate, wiggling slightly in the cutest way. Finally, she spoke up.

“Since we’re here, do I get to know what the actual date plan was?”

“Nah, I’m saving that shit for the future,” he smiled, taking the last bite of his sandwich. Even he had to admit it was good despite the slightly stale bread.

“Oh the future huh?” 

“Yeah. Like next week.” 

“I’ll pencil you into my planner then,” she grinned, tossing a few grapes into her mouth. 

“I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not.”

“It’s not. Writing everything down keeps me sane I think.”

“Hey, organization is sexy,” he laughed, biting down on an apple slice. 

“Good to know.” Her words were a bit muddled around the bite she had in her mouth, and Grayson put his empty plate aside, content to sit and watch her finish her meal. It was so easy to be around her, and he didn’t second guess anything he did or said - he hadn’t realized until her how much he altered himself around everyone he met.

“10 outta 10 PB&J, I’m impressed,” she smiled at him, moving her plate to the side after a moment. He couldn’t help but notice the tiny bit of jelly clinging to her cheek, purple and sticky against her skin.

“You’ve got a little - here,” he stepped up to her, reaching a hand out and running his thumb over it to get it off. But he didn’t let go - not when she looked up at him with those bright blue eyes, just like the jellyfish on the walls, and then he watched her look at his lips once before he leaned in. 

She tasted sweet, lips soft against his. They were both hesitant, not sure of how far to take it. Short and sweet, they separated and looked at each other. He felt like he could float away when she brought a hand up to his hair and pulled him back in for another. He moved a hand to the counter for leverage, leaning into her as she smiled against him.

“You taste like apples,” she whispered, and then they were both laughing like they had been all night, cheeks and stomachs sore in the best way.

“C’mon you, what do you wanna do with the rest of our date night?”

“We could finish Emperor’s New Groove?” She poised. 

He moved his hands to her waist, pulling her off the counter as she squealed, sitting her on her feet and taking her hand, headed to the living room. Ten minutes later and he was leaned back on the couch, feet up on the coffee table so she could curl up against his bare chest under the blanket while she scrolled through the film, trying to find where they left off.

He hoped that she’d undershoot it - anything to keep them right there, in each other's arms; bliss, as the storm raged on outside.

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Merry Band of Misfits

Fandom: Alex Rider/ Hawaii Five-0

Summary: After an incident, child services questions whether Steve is truly a good fit for Alex. Steve won’t stand for Alex being taken from him of course, and Danny is right there with him.

A/N: This started out as a little angst, a little comfort, and a whole lot of cheese, but somehow it turned into a little cheese, probably a lot of inaccuracy of how the system works, and a ton of angst sprinkled with comfort. What ya gonna do, tho, lol.

. . . .

They were still chasing their suspect through the crowded outdoor market when Steve’s phone vibrated incessantly in his pocket for the third time. His mind immediately jumped to Alex, wondering if he was okay, but he couldn’t exactly answer at the moment. Ready to be done with this chase and praying the call wasn’t anything too serious, he jumped up onto a low, narrow wall. Now moving faster than the man attempting to push his way through, it took less than a minute to catch up. Launching himself off the wall, Steve tackled the man to the ground.

“Oh, just give it up,” Steve grumbled at the still-struggling man underneath him as he wrenched the suspect’s arms around and zip-tied his wrists together. He pulled the man back up to his feet as the rest of his team finally caught up. “Book ‘im, Danno.”

After they had pushed their way back out of the market, Steve finally fished his phone out of his pocket.

3 Missed Calls - Kapi’olani Medical Center

He stopped dead in his tracks, heart in his throat, as he played back the voicemail they’d left for him. It didn’t give him much to go on, unfortunately, but since the woman had introduced herself as a child advocate with the hospital, that didn’t bode well. He didn’t hesitate to call her back.

The other end rang twice before the same woman who left the message, Alana Kelekolio, answered.

“Yeah, this is Commander McGarrett. You called about Alex? Is everything okay?”

. . .

As Steve stormed into the office, he didn’t fail to notice the two people in the room who were clearly not medical staff, but for the moment he ignored them, opting to head straight for Alex, who had stood up as he had entered.

“Hey, you all right, kiddo?” Steve asked, wrapping him in a hug.

“Shoulder hurts, but otherwise I’m fine.”

Steve snorted. “Yeah, that happens when you dislocate it. What happened?”

Alex shrugged his good shoulder. “Got my feet tangled up with Nathan’s fighting for the ball during practice and fell.”

“Yeah, you might need to spice that story up a bit before you tell it to anyone else.” That comment finally pulled a small smile out of the teen as Steve turned to address the other two people in the room. “So we’re good to go then?”

“Not quite, Commander.” A man Steve vaguely recognized as Alex’s social worker stood up and stepped forward. He’d been by the house a handful of times, but Steve honestly had a hard time remembering his name; he didn’t leave much of an impression. Robert something, maybe? Robert Kent? That sounded right. “If I could have a word with you alone?” he asked, gesturing towards the door.

Once they had stepped out and the door had clicked shut behind them, Robert continued. “This is negligence at best, Commander.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are Alex’s only emergency contact.”

“Yes, and here I am. So what?”

“The only reason I am here is because the hospital couldn’t get a hold of you.”

“I was literally in the middle of chasing a human trafficker through Chinatown. What was I supposed to do, huh? Ask him to wait while I answer my phone?”

“And that is exactly why Alex’s case is going to be reviewed.”

For the second time in an hour, Steve felt his heart jump into his throat. “What does that mean?”

“It means I think someone was a little quick to hand you Alex’s custody, so there is going to be some careful thought as to if this is really the best situation for Alex.”

. . .

“I could have punched him, Danny. Was it oversight on my part? Yes, I’ll admit that it was. Initially I wasn’t sure who else to put down since chances are if they can’t get me then they wouldn’t be able to get any of you guys either. So I put it off -- a little too long evidently -- but reviewing his case over that?”

Danny sat quietly, watching as Steve paced, waiting for him to finish.

“I mean, isn’t that a little extreme? Especially coming from a guy who talks to Alex for maybe ten minutes in a month. He doesn’t know anything.” Steve stopped with his back to Danny, a long sigh escaping. “He’s finally starting to settle a little and they’re about to take all of the progress he’s made away.”

“That does seem like a little much,” Danny sighed when it seemed like Steve was done. “Especially for something that’s a quick fix. Did he tell you how soon they’d make a decision?”

“End of the week.” Steve plopped down into one of the chairs opposite Danny’s desk, rubbing wearily at his temples.

Danny nodded. “Okay. I’m assuming you plan to fight this if they decide to pull him, right?”

“You have to ask?”

“If it comes to that, you know I’ll do whatever I can to help. I’ve got your back, babe.”

Some of the tension bled out of Steve’s shoulders at Danny’s words. “I know. I know you do. Thank you.”

. . .

Alex stopped at the end of the driveway, staring at Steve’s truck with a frown. They’d left at the same time that morning so Alex knew Steve had driven himself to work. If it was here, that meant Steve was home already -- very, very early.

Which likely meant something was wrong.

He parked his bike next to the garage and went inside to find Steve sitting on the couch, elbows on his knees, chin resting on his clasped hands, face pensive.

Steve dropped his hands, face softening slightly, when he noticed Alex. “Hey.”

“You’re home early, which is never a good thing. What’s wrong?”

Sighing deeply, Steve motioned to the spot next to him on the couch.

Alex dropped his bag onto the stairs and sat down.

“I already tipped you off, so I’ll just get right to the point. You -uh, you remember on Tuesday when you got hurt at practice?”

“Hard to forget. Go on.”

“The hospital called in child services when they couldn’t get me right away, and that made them...less than happy.”

Alex’s stomach dropped. When he spoke, the words didn’t feel like they were coming from his own mouth. “They’re taking me away, aren’t they?”

Steve sighed again. “They want to, but I’m not letting that happen without a fight. I told you from the start that I’m not gonna leave you on your own, and I meant it -- I still mean it. I have a hearing with a family court judge in a few weeks to decide the final verdict.” He wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders, and the teen easily melted into his side. “I’m not going to let them take you, Alex. Okay?”

“Okay. I trust you.”

As true as those words were, they still felt hollow on Alex’s tongue. He wanted to believe them but he knew it wasn’t as simply as that either. No matter how much faith he had in Steve, they could still take him away.

And there would be nothing either of them could do about it.

. . .

The hearing was not going well and Danny knew it. Robert Kent seemed bent on removing Alex from Steve’s custody and was bringing up every even slightly questionable thing Steve had ever done, whether it related to Alex’s care or not.

And Danny was done listening.

“And furthermore, it was clearly negligence on Commander McGarrett’s part in failing to list a second emergency contact.”

“Your Honor, I’m sorry to interrupt, but to be honest, none of this is in any way relevant.”

“Detective Williams, this is not your forum, and I do believe I am perfectly capable of determining what is relevant and what is not.”

“Yes, I am aware of that, and I apologize -- I really do -- but if I may, I have something I need to say.”

“I do believe you will already be giving a statement.”

“I will be, but this has nothing to do with what I’ve planned to say, your Honor.”

The judge was silent for a moment before saying. “I’ll allow it, but keep it brief, Detective.”

“Your Honor, with all due respect, if you allow Alex to be taken from Commander McGarrett’s custody based only on what you have heard so far, then you will be making a huge mistake.” He paused, taking a deep breath. Steve was either going to hug him or kill him for this later. “I’ve known Commander McGarrett for a long time now, and I will be the first to admit that I hated his guts back then. I thought he was completely irresponsible and reckless. But here’s the thing: he’s downright terrible at first impressions. So forget the bad first impression you’ve been given here so far today because what you are probably thinking is exactly what I thought, too. But the fact of the matter is, your Honor, that I trust him with my life and, moreover, with the lives of my own children.

“See, first impressions don’t tell you everything about a person. My first impression didn’t tell me that his guy was going to give me a place to belong in a place that I hated and a family in a place where I had no one.

“If the other members of Five-0 could be here right now, I know they’d say the same because Steve McGarrett likes to fix broken things. He has again and again taken the outcasts and the misfits and given them a place to call home. All of us at Five-0 are a family.

“And Alex is part of that family now, too.”

Danny paused; he’d been told to keep it short and he was sure he’d already talked longer than the judge wanted, but he hadn’t been stopped yet either.

“Right now, Mr Kent is trying to tell you from a collection of ‘first impressions’ why Commander McGarrett is unfit to be a parent, so allow me to tell you why Mr Kent is dead wrong.

“In the past eleven months, Alex has gone from withdrawn and emotionally volatile to outgoing and emotionally stable -- as stable as any teenager can be, anyway. In the first three months alone Alex was diagnosed with PTSD, properly medicated to help mitigate symptoms, and started in therapy -- all things that should have happened much sooner but were easily overlooked as he was written off as a ‘problem child’ and quickly passed around between homes like he didn’t matter -- and maybe to those people, he didn’t.

“But therein lies the fundamental differences between everyone else Alex has been placed with and Commander McGarrett: instead of calling Alex the problem, he addressed the problems Alex had, and -- maybe even more importantly -- he has never once even considered giving up on Alex.

“Commander McGarrett may not be the perfect parent, but he is a good one, and he does genuinely care about Alex’s well-being and wants the best for him. One oversight that is easily corrected -- because make no mistake, that’s the real reason why we’re here right now -- should not detract from all the good that has already happened -- and it has happened, your Honor; I’ve witnessed it myself. And that is how I can say with absolute confidence, your Honor, that if you allow this to happen, you will be making a huge mistake.”

Danny sat back down in the eerily quiet courtroom.

The judge cleared her throat. “Thank you, Detective Williams. Your words will be taken into consideration.”

. . .

Alex couldn’t concentrate, plain and simple. Steve had offered to let him stay home from school but Alex had declined, thinking it would be a good distraction. But it wasn’t, and he was seriously considering going to the office and signing himself out for the day. His anxiety was the worst it had been in months so he doubted they would make him stay, but would it really be any better if he went home? He doubted it. So at school he would stay for the long four hours that still remained.

Maybe.

He really wasn’t sold on the idea.

(But, again, being home alone probably wasn’t the best idea either, but those were his only two options.)

He forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths; having a panic attack in the middle of World History would not do.

Somehow he made it through the rest of the class and to lunch, skipping the line and heading straight to his usual table, folding his arms and resting his head on them. Maybe if he could close his eyes and focus on his breathing for a minute then his stomach would dislodge itself from his throat and go back to where it belonged.

“Alex?” The clunk of a tray against the table and the thud of a bad against the floor accompanied the voice.

“Hm?”

“Maybe you should go home, man.”

“‘M fine.”

“Yup. That’s very convincing.”

Alex took a breath and raised his head just enough to glare at his friend. “I’m fine, Koa.”

“Ya know, I actually have to agree with him for once,” Nathan said as he slid into the seat next Koa. “You really don’t look good, man.”

Letting his head thump back down, Alex muttered, “It’s just anxiety. It’s nothing.”

A pause, then, “Alex. Go home. I’m serious.”

Alex knew they were right, but… He pushed himself all the way up, meeting their concerned gazes. “I really don’t want to be alone so school is the better option right now.”

Koa shrugged. “Then call Commander McGarrett.”

“Can’t. He’s in court right now, and I don’t know when he’ll be out.”

As if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket with a text from Steve.

Steve McGarrett: Hearing’s over. They’ll call with the decision sometime this evening. Are you doing okay?

Alex sighed in relief; Steve always seemed to know when he was struggling and Alex didn’t feel guilty about admitting it if someone asked first as opposed to him just saying it.

Alex Rider: Honestly not really. Steve McGarrett: Omw

“He’s coming to get you, isn’t he.” It wasn’t a question.

Alex nodded. “Yeah. I’m just...gonna head to the office then. See you guys tomorrow.”

“No, you won’t.”

Alex glanced at Nathan as he stood up. “What?”

“No school? It’s Thanksgiving.”

Alex stared blankly for a moment. “Oh. Right. Forgot. Uhm, Monday -- I’ll see you Monday.” I hope.

By the time he got to the office, Steve was already there, still in his dress blues from the hearing, and it took Alex a minute to realize that Steve must have been headed this way to get him already even as he’d texted.

“So how’d it go?” Alex asked as he settled into the passenger seat of the truck.

Steve let out a heavy sigh. “Well, not as good as I’d been hoping, honestly, but not horribly either. We’ve still got a shot.” He paused, shifting into drive and pulling away from the curb. “So what would you like to do with this suddenly school-free afternoon?”

Alex shrugged, worrying his bottom lip. His anxiety was still through the roof so he honestly didn’t want to do much of anything.

“Did you eat?”

Busted. Once again, Steve always seemed to know. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he shook his head, stomach still rather queasy.

Expression full of understanding, Steve nodded once. “Okay. I want you to try when we get home though, all right?”

Alex took a deep breath. “No promises on success.”

“That’s okay. Just try.”

“Okay.”

The rest of the ride was relatively silent apart from Steve assuring him that he didn’t need to worry about school or homework, that they would just relax until they had news. 

Once home, Alex changed from jeans to sweats; no need to be anything less than completely comfortable all things considered. Alex sat down on his bed, listening as Steve went down to the kitchen to find something for them both to eat. Simultaneously exhausted and restless, he honestly didn’t know if he’d rather take a nap or run a marathon. His breathing hitched, and he tried to push everything he was feeling into nice, neat compartments. He knew he shouldn’t, that he should just get it over with and deal with it now, but if he could shove it away for only a few more hours, then he wouldn’t have to deal with it at all. (Because in a few hours they would get word that he was staying -- he would be -- because if he wasn’t, he didn’t know what he would do.)

Calloused hands gently pried his apart, and as Alex’s eyes slowly focused on where Steve knelt in front of him, he wondered when the man had even come in. How long had he been sitting here that Steve had had to come up to get him?

“Oh, kid.”

Those two words were all it took to open the floodgates. An ugly, hysterical sob tore out at the same time Steve pulled him into a hug.

Alex wasn’t sure how long they sat there before the knot in his chest eased and the sobs pettered off into hiccups, but he did know that he didn’t feel any better. Wasn’t that what was supposed to happen? But he didn’t, exhaustion settling even thicker in his bones, his stomach still uncomfortably lodged in his throat. If anything, he only felt worse.

“How are you feeling, buddy? Any better?”

“Not really.”

Steve hummed in thought before he said, “Why don’t you come lay down on the couch and watch a movie with me, and we can go from there. Okay?”

He didn’t want to move, but lying down definitely sounded nice. “‘Kay.”

Steve took one corner of the couch, and Alex curled up next to him, head on the man’s thigh. Some Disney movie played quietly on the TV, but Alex wasn’t really paying attention. Time seemed to drag on; it could have been hours or only minutes before Steve asked if he was feeling up to eating. Alex could only shake his head in response and, strangely enough, Steve didn’t push it.

Then finally -- finally -- Steve’s phone vibrated with an incoming call. Glancing at the ID displayed on the screen, Steve murmured, “This is them,” before picking up. “Steve McGarrett.”

Alex sat up. He had thought he’d feel something when the call came, but all he felt was numb.

After a moment, Steve said, “Thank you very much for calling.” As soon as he’d set his phone down, he turned to Alex and wrapped him in a hug. “Remind me to thank Danny by picking up his tab at Side Street next time. Looks like you’re stuck with me for a little bit longer, buddy.”

It took a moment longer than it should have for the meaning of those words to register, but when they did, Alex almost felt like crying all over again. Instead he tightened his grip and breathed for what felt like the first time in weeks. He couldn’t help but think that maybe Steve really had been telling him the truth all along, that maybe it would actually be true this time.

Maybe he really would never have to be alone again.

. . .

“So, a little birdy named Lou told me you might be needing someone as a second emergency contact for Alex,” Renee commented as she mixed up a salad at the counter. “If you haven’t figured someone else out already, you can always put me down, you know; I don’t mind.”

“Really?” Steve asked, glancing up from the pan he’d just pulled from the oven. “I hadn’t figured that out yet, so I’d really appreciate that actually.”

“Shoots, a sista beat me to it,” Kamekona said from the doorway. “I was gon’ offer, too.”

“As was I,” Max added as Steve turned the corner, carrying the turkey to the table. “Given my profession, I surmised it to be highly unlikely I would not be able to get away if called upon.”

“Great minds think alike,” Jerry piped up next. “I mean, I don’t exactly ever have anything I couldn’t step away from if you needed me, after all, and when I work with you guys I’m not really in the field for all the dangerous stuff, anyway.”

Danny laughed as he came out of the kitchen, carrying more dishes. “So, uh, you think child services will be happy now with that many numbers to choose from?”

Steve couldn’t help but chuckle. As Alex came up beside him, he threw an arm around the teen’s shoulders. “I’ve definitely got a lot to be thankful for his year, you know that? So, thank you, guys -- I mean that; it’s been quite a year and I couldn’t have done this without all of you.”

“You don’t need to thank us,” Chin replied with a smile. “We’re ohana; it’s what we do.”

“Yeah, if anything we should be thanking you,” Kono added. “None of us would be here right now without you.”

Steve looked around at the people he called family and realized that Danny had been only partially correct. He may have created a space for them all to belong, but he needed it just as much as everyone else did. They had rescued him just as much as he had rescued them.

A merry band of misfits -- maybe that was just how it was always meant to be.

. . . .

Tags: @diekatimitdemhutohnehut @just-add-butter

[anastasiaskarsgard]

I want wholesome Henry Deaver meets a nice girl

Memory Lane

It was odd she thought, as she opened her door to a strikingly handsome man. He was very tall, well over six foot and he was beautiful. His face structure looked like the people she saw in magazines, dressed in strange clothes, in some odd setting looking like they’d sold their soul for a sandwich. And they were still waiting on that sandwich.

He wasn’t overly thin though, he actually had very plump lips and even though he was dressed in a 3 piece suit, she could tell he had a lean muscular body. The obviously expensive designer clothes, large imposing stature and unfairly beautiful face was overshadowed by his eyes. They were the prettiest blue green color that looked like they almost shifted in color, depending how the sun hit them or what direction he looked. He was hands down, the most beautiful human being she had ever seen in her life and he was standing at her door at 9am on a Tuesday smiling.

Suddenly she became all too aware of her hello kitty tank top and matching short shorts with the blank stare of a hundred hello kitty faces all over them. She hadn’t even looked in the mirror yet, but could guarantee her messy bun wasn’t looking anything but well... messy. As she contemplated whether she had removed her make up last night, she was brought back to reality when the beautiful stranger cleared his throat.

‘God you are embarrassing! Have I really just zoned out in front of this gorgeous stranger? How could i even do that? Look at him.’ She scolded herself.

She looked at him.

‘Shit. He’s so hot it’s stressful.’ Her eyes met his again and she felt the heat rising on her face.

“This is going to sound really weird, but I was in town and feeling reminiscent, driving around and ended up here. I don’t even know why I knocked, but you answered the door.” He said in a deep soothing voice.

‘Jesus, his voice is even pretty.’

“Yep I live here.” She chuckled uncomfortably, not too sure how else to respond. She wanted to look away from his intense gaze but something made her hold it, curious where this was going.

He broke the eye contact, looking up at her house appreciatively, before looking back down at her face. “This is where I grew up.” He admitted.

“Seriously? Oh wow! Welcome back!” She winced at herself. ‘Did i just say that?’ Unsure of what to do, and feeling extremely flustered, she invited him inside to look around before she could stop herself.

At first he was hesitant, and although she normally wouldn’t invite a strange guy in her house, he seemed really classy and it was morning. ‘Rapists didn’t show up in the morning dressed in a suit driving a Mercedes right?’ She rationalized. ‘This seems more like a set up for a porno than a slasher flick.’ She laughed out loud, earning a strange look from the stranger. He quickly reverted back to his warm smile, and she couldn’t help but return it. The silence stretched a bit too long and she was scared he’d find her strange. She didn’t normally care what people thought of her, but she wanted this man to like her. She turned and wAlked inside, hopeful he’d follow.

“Does your family still live around here?” She asked as he followed her inside. “Want coffee?”

“Sure. And no they don’t, they all moved away or passed.” He said.

“Oh I’m sorry. That was rude to just ask.” She said as she started up her coffee machine and brought the selection of coffee pods for him to choose from. “Pick one. I just got this thing and I’m obsessed with it.”

He smirked as he read over the pods and finally selected one. “This looks good. I’ll try it. Thanks for your hospitality, I don’t know what I was expecting knocking on my old door, but I must say this is the best case scenario. Do you live here with your family?”

“No. Just me and my fish. I had two roommates for most of freshmen year but then one got pregnant, and the other one skipped out on rent so I just decided to forgo roommates if possible. Save myself the headache.”

“You go to the University then?” He asked.

“Guilty.” You smiled.

“Wow. I’m impressed. Forgive my manners. I haven’t introduced myself, my name is Henry. Doctor Henry Deaver, but that sounds too formal.” He smiled and extended his hand to her.

She blushed and took his hand. “Pleased to meet you. My name is Madison Bell.”

He held her hand for a beat longer than necessary, but Madison pulled away to get the coffees for them before taking him on a tour of the house.

“Ready to see how it’s changed?”

“Sure. I can’t thank you enough for allowing me to take this trip down memory lane, Miss Bell.”

“Oh please just call me Madi.”

“That’s a cute name.”

She could feel her face heating up again, so she turned on her heel and led him down the hall.

“Which room was yours?”

“You have a lot of hair. Sorry. Didn’t mean to say that out loud.” He blushed.

She looked over her shoulder and was surprised how close he was behind her. She could practically feel the heat radiating off his body. “Sooooooo... which one was yours?”

“Straight ahead.”

“I figured as much considering the ceiling. I left it. It’s still there.”

“Seriously?” He laughed looking extremely excited.

They walked in the room and looked up at the ceiling painted like the Milky Way galaxy in pretty precise detail, centering around the ceiling fan light that was the sun.

“Did you paint this?”

“I did. I spent a lot of time in here. My parents weren’t thrilled, but by the time they noticed, I’d already painted the whole thing.”

“Wow. Fast painter, or neglectful parents?” She wanted to face palm herself. ‘I am so rude, I need to talk to people more.’

“Little from column A, little from column B.” He murmured.

“Well I think it’s amazing Henry. Doctor, artist, model AND you’re tall.”

“I wasn’t ever a model.” He smirked.

Madi realized too late what she had said and could feel her face turning bright red. “Oh I just assumed because you’re so.... tall.”

“Yep.” He looked down at her and they just stared a bit too long, before Madi thought she’d die of awkwardness and clapped her hands together, and walked briskly down the hall towards the door.

She felt like she was going to have a panic attack or pass out if she didn’t get away from this guy. He was a dream guy in every way, and she scolded herself for being an idiot, but he was too damn attractive. It was freaking her out! Plus the fact he’d painted this ceiling where she’d spent many nights gazing up at it, made him that much more unbearably attractive.

She wasn’t the type of girl that got a guy like him. She was a self proclaimed dork, that bit her nails, wore mostly anime themed shirts and converse, and was blind without her glasses. She had a pretty average body. nothing stood out but her long golden hair that fell down to just above her bum. Since there was so much of it though, she pretty much always wore it up.

“Well I best get going. Thank you for your hospitality.” He said as he made his way to her door. He made a cute little bow, and then just like that he left.

She watched him out the window as he got in his car and pulled away, a little sad to see him go.

————

Later that evening, as she pulled up to her house, she noticed a large glass vase full of beautiful red roses by her front door. She’d never received flowers before so she practically ran over to them, bursting with curiosity. There was a card attached, and opening it she found perfectly elegant writing that said:

I hope this isn’t too forward, but I just moved back to town and would love to take you to dinner if you’d have me. I’ve been kicking myself for not asking you this morning so give me a call if you’re interested.

Henry Deaver M.D.

[breanime]

Heartworm (Part Six)

Double posting takes so long! WARNING: this part has mentions and descriptions of violence, read with caution!

*gif not mine*

You decided that Detective Mahoney was the only good cop in New York City. After he’d introduced himself, he’d asked if there was a place you could go to talk. You knew Trish would have questions if you stayed at the office, not to mention your coworkers, so you took the detective to a small deli a few blocks away. He had assured you that he only wanted to talk, and you decided to play it cool until you could get a final read on this guy. So far, all you could tell was that he was a genuinely concerned cop who was actually interested in justice.

It was his poor luck that you were only interested in Billy.

“Is this okay,” he asked, “I mean, you won’t get written up for leaving early or anything, will you?”

“No, this is fine. I was on my way out anyway,” you answered, “So, um, Detective Mahoney—”

“Call me Brett.” He smiled.

“Brett,” you faked a smile back, “How can I help you? Oh,” you widened your eyes, pretending to remember something, “is this about the noise compliant I made with the city a few months ago? I told the super people had started loitering outside, but he didn’t seem to care…”

“No,” he shook his head with a chuckle, “That’s unfortunately outside my realm of influence,” his smile turned into a serious look, and you braced yourself, “Actually, I’ve, uh, I’ve been looking for you for most of the day. There’s something I need to tell you—to warn you about.” You nodded, silently encouraging him to go on. “Billy Russo has escaped police custody.”

This was, obviously, not news to you, but hearing it from the detective made your breath hitch. “When?”

“Yesterday morning,” he answered, “We have cops staking out his last known addressed and every badge in the city is looking for him.”

“That’s… That’s good,” you swallowed. You tried to bring back all the confusion and helplessness you felt when Billy had first been arrested and recreate it now. Mahoney—Brett—seemed like a kind man, but you couldn’t let him get to Billy…not yet, at least. “But why are you telling me?”

“It’s on record that you and Russo were a couple.”

“That was over three years ago,” you shook your head, “I haven’t seen Billy since then—at least not in person.” You ducked your head down shyly. “I did… I did watch the coverage on the news.” You looked back up at Brett. “But that’s it. I hadn’t heard from Billy since we broke up.” You shrugged. “I could give you a list of places he could be, maybe? I don’t know if it would be any help…”

“I would appreciate that, Ms. Y/LN,” he said, “but I don’t think you understand the danger you’re in. Russo’s dangerous, unhinged. It was reported that he asked for you by name the day he escaped. Now,” he folded his hands on the table, “it’s been three years since the two of you have talked… Why would he do that?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know,” you answered, “I mean, he was locked up all this time, maybe he was just going through a list of exes and my name happened to be the one he said outloud.” You shook your head. “I imagine Billy wasn’t doing well in a cage.”

“He wasn’t in a cage,” Brett said, “We were keeping Russo under constant surveillance at a psychiatric hospital.” You made an effort to make a confused face. “Russo sustained some major injuries and some significant memory damage,” he explained, “His therapist said he might not even be competent to stand trial.”

“So he’s faking,” you said, knowing he wasn’t, “Billy’s a smart man, I’m sure he knows it’d be better for him to get off on a plea deal than admit he’s guilty.”

“It’s possible,” Brett shrugged, “His therapist and doctors think he’s legit. Either way, you might be in danger.” He reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a card. “I want you to give me a call if you hear from Russo,” he instructed.

“Of course.” Another lie. “I mean, I don’t—I don’t think he’d bother coming after me, but I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”

“I appreciate that.” Brett gave you a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry to have to come to you with this, I can get a squad car to stay outside of your apartment if you want…”

“Oh no, no,” you shook your head, “That’s not necessary, I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking up police resources. Besides,” you gave him a weak smile, “I’m telling you, there’s no way Billy would waste time with me. He’s probably halfway out of the country by now. And even if he’s not, Billy never tried to get in contact with me theses last three years, there’s no reason he’d try now.”

“Maybe,” Brett agreed easily. Too easily. “But still, keep an eye out; make sure you’re locking your doors. Maybe see if you can stay with some family or friends until this blows over.”

You chuckled. “You make Billy sound like the boogeyman.”

Brett didn’t laugh. “He’s dangerous, Y/N. He took down a room full of guards and killed at least two men in the last 24 hours.”

Two? You knew about Arthur, who could…? Your mind conjured up an image of Billy in his blood-soaked clothes. He probably didn’t get that hideous shirt and fur-lined coat from the hospital. “So,” you took a steadying breath, “it’s all true? Billy… Billy really did betray Frank?” You had spent so much time trying to block that out, to ignore and deny it in your head, but you had to know—especially since Billy, as he was now, didn’t know.

The detective nodded. “And that’s the other thing: Castle will be looking for Russo. If he comes to you…”

“Call you,” you waved his card at him with a half-smile, “I will.”

Brett stayed with you at the deli for a while longer before he had to head out. You waited until you were sure he was far away to finally take a breath. You whipped out your phone and typed in ‘NYPD Detective Brett Mahoney’ into Google. Of fucking course. Your hunch about him was right—he was a hero cop. There were pictures of him next to Daredevil. He arrested Frank back when he first became “The Punisher”—Brett was a badass with the face of a choir boy. Your respect for him grew as you scrolled through the news reports, interviews, and list of accolades connected to his name. He was vocal in his disdain for Wilson Fisk—a bold move for anyone who lived in the city, let alone a cop—and was an active member of the community. He seemed like a really nice guy, a good guy…

…a threat.

As much as you didn’t want to, you decided to take the long way home. You lingered in the deli for another 20 minutes after Brett left, then made your way to a bookstore, a pet shop, two music stores, three boutiques, and killed an hour watching some teenagers breakdance on the sidewalk. You were pretty sure Brett wasn’t watching you, you got the impression that wasn’t his style, but Frank… Frank would totally do that. You considered what you knew as you wandered around the city: you loved Billy, Billy didn’t have his full memories, Billy still thought he loved you, Billy was guilty, the cops were after Billy, Frank would want revenge, revenge would mean death, and that would leave you… Alone again. Hell, as far as you knew, you were already alone again. How in the hell would you know where Billy was if he wasn’t directly in your line of sight? You sighed to yourself, stepping into a pawn shop and staring unblinkingly at the assortment of things. You had no idea what you were going to do—you knew what you were supposed to do, what common sense and decent protocol would call for—but your common sense had taken a back seat to your emotions. Sighing again, you looked at a glass case of knives and your mind immediately went to Billy.

“What do you do if I come at you from behind?” Billy had asked you.

You wanted to make a dirty joke, but the seriousness of the situation and Billy’s face made you reconsider. “I go for the eyes and create a distance between us while you’re distracted.”

“Good. But what if I grab you by your hair?”

You swallowed down another inappropriate comment. “I stomp on your foot or try to kick you in the shins to get you to lose your grip.”

Billy nodded. “Good,” he stepped over to you, put a hand on the back of your neck and kissed you, “Now let’s practice how to disarm a man.”

You sighed, but complied. Billy whipped out a knife—because he almost always had at least one blade on hand—and took an offensive stance. This wasn’t a new practice between the two of you; Billy had taken it upon himself to teach you how to defend yourself months ago, after reading about some guys on the subway harassing a woman. His dedication to your safety was sweet, you knew for a fact that the number of people he cared about was a low one, and that these impromptu training sessions were his way of making sure you were taken care of. You took a defensive stance, placing your feet slightly apart and raising your hands to protect your face—just like Billy taught you. He made a move to approach you (much slower than he would if he was really attacking someone), and you side-stepped him, avoiding any close contact before slapping your hand over his wrist, twisting it, and grabbing the knife out of his hands.

“Nice,” he licked his lips, “Very nice. Let’s try it again.”

So you did. You spent the next two hours going through drills. Billy was an excellent teacher, he met you where you were and catered the lessons to best fit your size, strength, and style. You weren’t nearly the natural fighter Billy was, and you damn sure weren’t a Marine, but Billy always said you were skilled. He took pride in telling Curtis how you knocked him on his ass on Tuesday, or showing Frank the bruises on his chest from when he made you practice shooting with himself as the Kevlar-wearing, moving target. You liked the training a lot, too. You got to wrestle Billy and learn useful defensive moves all in one. Truth be told, you almost looked forward to the day some asshole mugger tried to come at you.

You would never forget the day that actually happened.

You had been walking home from the corner store. Billy had texted you saying he’d be home late since he was viewing some properties for Anvil’s home office, so you decided to run out and get some snacks for the house. You had your burlap bag hanging from your shoulder, full of chips and a six-pack of beer, and you were a block from your apartment when you felt a tug on the strap of your bag.

You were yanked forward, and you turned to see a tall man in all black. You stumbled over your own feet as he dragged you back into an alley. He pushed you against the concrete wall and you felt the breath rush out of you. You didn’t get a second to scream or cry out before he shoved a knife under your throat.

“Drop the bag, cunt,” he ordered, hot breath fanning your face. “Or I open your goddamn throat all over the sidewalk.”

You did as you were told, heart racing. The blade was cold against your skin, even in the warm summer weather.

“Now kick it,” he gestured behind him with his head, “over there.”

You gave your bag a feeble nudge with your foot.

“Do you think I’m playing with you, bitch?” He hissed, nose pressing against yours as he glared down at you. You felt the sting of the blade cutting into your skin. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. He was still glaring at you when you opened your eyes and punted your bag across the alley. Your eyes scanned his face, trying to memorize every detail. Billy was going to lose his shit over this. The man sneered at you, and you felt a chill go through you. “Good girl,” he grinned, “now take your clothes off.”

You froze. Suddenly an image of your downstairs neighbor’s daughters popped up in your head. They were 15 and 13, nice girls, and you knew for a fact that they walked to the corner store all the time, night or day. Rain or shine. What was going to stop this guy from doing the same thing to them? What was going to stop him from hurting someone else?

You were going to stop him.

You lifted your arm and grabbed his wrist. You twisted it with all your strength, ignoring his shocked sound of surprise. His grip loosened and you took that moment to snatch the knife out of his hands. The blade sliced through the palm of your hand a little bit, but you didn’t even feel it. You punched him in the face with your free hand, making him fall back a bit. That gave you the perfect opening to kick him in the chest, knocking him on his ass. You tackled him to the ground and straddled him, putting all of your weight on him to prevent him from moving. His eyes widened when you put the knife to his neck.

“Whoa, whoa,” he gasped out, voice shaking, “I was just playing,” he attempted a laugh, “Don’t—don’t you know we were just playing, you and me? It’s a joke.”

You pressed the knife harder onto his neck. You watched the blood bubble up and felt a surge of excitement bloom in you. “A joke?” You asked, smirking down at him. “Would it be a joke,” you watched his eyes water when you grabbed his hair and forced his head back, “if I open your goddamn throat all over the sidewalk…” Your smirk turned into a full-on grin. “…bitch?”

He had started sobbing now. “No,” he begged, “no, please, I’m sorry, I won’t ever do this again, I—”

“—Shut the hell up,” you hissed, pulling his hair. He cried out. You looked down at this man, this weak piece of shit, and wanted nothing more than to stop him from ever drawing breath again. You wanted to be the last person he terrorized, the last women he called a bitch.

You wanted to watch the life drain from his body.

But you couldn’t.

You flipped the knife around so that the handle was against your fists and pulled your hand back. Then you punched him right in the face with all your anger guiding you. You felt his nose crack, but you didn’t hear it because he was screaming. You hit him again, and again, and again. The handle was wet with blood, and your heart was pounding. You kept punching him until he wasn’t screaming anymore. A quick glance showed he was still breathing, so you got off of him, grabbed your bag, and walked home.

You thought more about that day as you waited in line at the pawn shop. You had tried to block it out, to forgot about the fear that went through you that day, followed by that feeling of absolute power and control…it had been intoxicating. It had been frightening. But Billy had been there, and he had been your safe place.

You waited until you got home to call Billy and tell him what happened. You barely got the words—“I was attacked”—out of your mouth before he was asking you a hundred questions and rushing home to you. You assured him you were fine, and you were, but he hadn’t seemed to hear you. By the time he got home, you’d bandaged your hand, cleaned off the knife, and put the snacks and beer away. You were on your third beer when Billy came bursting into the apartment.

He didn’t say anything, just pulled you towards him and engulfed you in a crushing hug. You closed your eyes and wrapped your arms around him. This was where you were safest, where you belonged. Billy provided everything you needed just by existing.

“I’m okay,” you said into his chest, “I’m okay. I knocked him out.” You had pulled back then. “Oh shit, I should have called the cops. I should call the cops.”

“I already did,” he said, voice muffled as he spoke into your hair, “Left an anonymous tip, saw the squad cars on my way home.” He exhaled, and you felt him relax against him. “I’m so—fuck,” his hold on you tightened, and you leaned into it, “I want to kill him.”

“I wanted that too,” you admitted, looking up into Billy’s dark eyes. They were electric with rage and emotion, and you knew yours were too. “I was going to.”

He kissed you, long and slow, and you kissed him back. You wanted to absorb him, to keep him this close to you always. He stared down at you, unblinking, when you both pulled back for air. “I’m so fucking proud of you,” he said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you breathed out. “I—Billy, is there something wrong with us?” You asked. “We shouldn’t be so comfortable with this. Because I’m not joking, Billy, I was going to stab him. I was gonna kill him. I—I—”

“—The only reason he’s not in a body bag at this very moment is cause the cops got to him first,” Billy interrupted, eyes hard, “I’ve killed for less, Y/N, and anyone who hurts you,” he put a hand on your face, eyes boring into yours, “is gonna die bloody. It’s you and me, Y/N, I’d do anything for you, and I want you to know that I love you, every part of you,” his lips brushed against yours as he spoke, “and if you had killed him…I would have helped you bury the body.”

That was it. The last thing you needed to make your decision. Billy was a killer. He betrayed Frank, he hurt Curtis, he was a traitor to his country if the news reports were right. Hell, Billy had told you himself that he’d committed multiple war crimes. Those were all facts, undeniable, inexcusable facts about him that you could never change or hope to ignore. But you loved him—that was a fact too. You had never felt more alive, more like yourself, than when you had been with Billy, even up until the very end. He was it for you. So you were in. You were all in, wherever he would go, you would follow.

You practically ran home, heart pounding with your revelation. It was like a bomb went off inside your head—everything you had, you were ready to throw it all away for Billy. You were made for him, and he was made for you. You knew, as you clutched your bag, that from this point on—nothing but death would keep you from him. You had given up on him once, and you had tried to move on with your life, but it hadn’t worked. You had been operating on auto-pilot, just going through the motions and pretending to be okay with being without him, with living in black and white. But now Billy was back, and he brought color back into your life. This time, you would fight for him. You would fight with him.

You practically ripped the door open when you got back to your apartment. You ran into the living room and felt yourself deflate a little. Everything was exactly the way you left it. You checked your room, the bathroom, and the kitchen. Empty. Sighing, you sat down at the kitchen table and put your head in your hands. Where could he be? What if he was hurt? What if Frank got to him? What if… what if he left you? Feeling trapped, you went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. You decided to drink instead of panic. It was getting late, but there was still time in the day. Billy could be back any minute. You poured yourself a drink and went to stand at the counter, contemplating whether you should bother cooking while you waited for Billy to get back when you noticed a manila folder on the counter. This was new…so Billy had been back. You put your glass down and picked up the folder. It had his name on it: Russo, William. The file was packed with papers and packets, full of details of his life. There were little color-coded tabs for Castle, Frank, Hoyle, Curtis, Madani, Dinah, and Rawlins, William. There were notes from what you assumed were his therapy sessions, and pictures of him in the hospital. Words like ‘dangerous’, ‘killer’, ‘psychopath’ jumped off the page. You flipped through the contents of the file, a sense of dread creeping into you. Finally, under all of the papers, was a handwritten note from Billy that had your breath catching.

Y/N,

I’m sorry. I want you to know that I love you. And I’m so sorry.

Goodbye.

******************************************************************************************

Hohohhohohoho! So this was my first time ever writing Brett, how’d I do? Also, anyone recognize where Y/N works? And ohhhh man, let me know what you thought of these last two chapters. Your feedback fuels me! Love you guys!

TAGLIST: @floralpeaceofmind​ @delicatelilyflower​ @dylanobrusso​ @ladyblablabla​ @banditthewriter​ @something-tofightfor​  @starsfragments​ @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @hisgirlwednesdayaddams​@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta​ @sadnessxvodka​ @ymariejp​ @sunnycolors​ @moonlightsay​ @its-all-o-kay @damagelove​ @keyeluh @itsmylife98​ @funerals-with-cake​ @littlemermaidprobz​ @teacuplotus​ @king4thesirens​ @mrsjaxtellerfan​ @thebabblingbook​ @tartelette-aux-fraises​ @madamrogers​  @charlylama​ @iaintnofurry​​ @k-buggz2001​​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix​ @elanor-of-imladris​ @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq​ @holamor​ @ymariejp @shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou​ @anabella-baby @sssilverssserpent​ @heyitslexy

[secondary-tomato-potato-blog]

Day 1: First Meeting

Pairing: Germany x Spain // Ludwig x Antonio

It’s family friendly.

He had always been a dog lover. It was not surprising their meeting would occur because of them.

He always went to this park after work, after a tiring work period. It was a dogs' park just before his street. Seeing them made him relax, it made him forget everything bad that could have happened. He knows everyone’s faces and their dogs, they knew him too. It was not unusual to engage in conversation with them every now and then, it was a relaxing time for everyone.

“Oh dear. Have you meet the new guy?” Linda, an old lady with a precious little female Bichon Frise named Lala, asked as she watched Ludwig play with her little girl. A sweet smile curved on her lips every time she saw such a built guy like him playing with such a tiny creature.

Ludwig lifted the tiny creature on his lap, scratching her tummy as he turned to see Linda. He had a raised eyebrow, not knowing what she was talking about. If there were a new guy, then normally he did be first to know but he had not seen any new faces here. Not recently at least.

“His name was...Oh dear, I had it at the tip of my tongue.”

“Please, don’t force yourself.” Lud stopped her, smiling with understanding. His attention was brought back to Lala who kept staring as if she was questioning the situation. “I believe it’s time for you to get home.”

“Is it? Ah, being old is no fun, huh?” Linda chuckled sweetly, the way only old people could.

Lud helped her to stand up, letting her use her free arm as he held Lala in his other arm. When he made sure she had not left anything behind, he put Lala down and did her collar.

“You young boy. Shouldn’t you be getting a partner? Such a good guy you are to be wasted!” She lifted her fist in the air like she was protesting. Lala ran around her, yapping as she did. “You believe too, right Lala? Our sweetheart Lud should find someone to love, right Lala? You believe it too, don’t you? Don’t you?” She spoke softly but playfully, tiny Lala liked it and yapped back at her as if she actually understood what her owner was saying.

“I’m too busy with work. I wouldn’t have time to...make them happy.”

“Don’t say that!” She interrupted abruptly, making Lud look up surprised. She looked back, satisfied to have his attention. “You are a good, good man. Whoever your partner is, they will be happy just having you by their side. I know how caring you are, Lud. Take it from me, I’ve seen nasty people in my life. The little details, that’s what you are good at. Anyone who has a good heart will appreciate those things you do for them.”

He looked away, unable to give her an answer even when she waited for one. He knew who he was and how he did things, what she said...what she said was only partially true. Lala kept yapping, filling the silence that his lack of words created. After some seconds that seemed like minutes, he nodded back not fully agreeing with her.

“I understand,” he said in a dry manner. She noticed for she sighed. “I’ll be heading home too. Please be careful on your way back.”

. . . . . .

“Lud! Lud!” Alex called as he ran to the mentioned one with Bagel, his male Beagle.

“Good morning Alex. Good morning Bagel,” he greeted accompanied with a nod. Bagel tried jumping to him but his young legs were not enough. “Playful as ever, I see.” He smiled, kneeling to pet Bagel and messing Alex’s hair a bit.

“Is he? He didn’t even wake me up today! He just kept sleeping!”

Bagel turned his head to his young owner, not understanding his words.

“Oh! Have you met the new guy? Mommy said to ask you before talking to him. I heard he has four dogs!” He raised four fingers, his expression lighten up with enthusiasm. But soon he looked upset as the oldest shook his head. “You haven’t seen him? But I want to see him.”

“Ask your mom to take you to see him. Maybe he is working when I’m free.” Lud tried shrugging the topic off, as to not upset the child more. It was better before it got too late, he had never been good at dealing with children crying.

“That’s true!” He smiled again, his hopes up once again. “Okay! I gotta go to school now. See you later Lud!”

. . .

“Thank you so much, Ludwig.” The ladies in the coffee shop sighed in relief as the package was handed down.

“It’s okay. It’s my free day anyway.”

“Hah, now you’re making me feel bad to make you run some errands for us.” Melina puffed her cheeks, blowing the air inside it, therefore, blowing the loose strand of hair hanging down her left side. It gracefully floated down. “I’m truly sorry.”

“Like I said, it’s okay.” He smiled, trying to move on to the next topic. He sighed mentally with relief when she nodded, smiling after.

“So I’ve heard you haven’t met or seen the new guy, am I right?”

“To everyone’s surprise, yes, you are right.”

“I’ve only seen him. Looks young, a few years younger than you probably.” She stretched her arms in the air. “So far, those you have met him say he’s such a good guy. Wouldn’t hurt to meet him, right?” She laughed. Her name was called from the back and she apologized.

Lud left not long after.

He was home, without noticing anything peculiar on his way back. Everything was the way it is, maybe a bit quieter than usual but it was fine for a Tuesday.

All he had in mind was the new guy. Everyone had been talking about him and somehow it intrigued him to know him. All he knew was that he was a guy with four dogs and charming, nothing useful to figure out where could he hang around.

In the middle of making tea, the thought of asking people where he was staying did not come to mind. The kettle bubbled away, his attention drifting to look for his cups. His hands moved without his commands, leaving his mind free to think of him. He could only wonder of the kind of person the new guy was.

He sat his cup with the hot tea, letting it cool as he wandered into the living room to pick up his book.

The morning passed quietly. So quietly he soon entered afternoon. His tea was finished and he was near the end of his novel. Deciding to take a walk outside, he put his book down once again. He left the cleaning for later.

His mind was straightforward, following a single path and never mixing two topics. He had to admit his life was the same. Maybe because he was brought up that way, maybe because it was the only way he knew how to live. It was tedious and boring, or that was what most people had told him back when he was still in school. He never saw it in those eyes. He liked it, actually. He never had to struggle with living, his life was one path with a beginning and an end. Worry about money or health were never something he had in mind. It was almost perfect, almost because he still missed something.

“Maybe Linda was right,” he whispered to himself as he pulled his coat over his shoulders. His eyes looked back at his apartment, not too big not too small. Lately, it had looked different but he failed to find a word to describe it. He shook those ideas away, finding them useless and not worth his time.

“Lud! Hey!” A man called down the corridor, waving at the mentioned one with a friendly manner. “Hey bud, are you going out?”

“Hey, Tom. Yeah, I am. Need a hand with something?” Lud turned his way, with a little friendly smile.

“I’m sorry to abuse your kindness.” The man started, a bit nervous as he spoke. Lud was quick to notice, shaking his head slightly.

“I’m happy to be of help.”

“Could you please take Mo on his daily walk? My sister is still and hospital and I need to go check on her.”

“Is she okay?” He nodded, walking to him to pick the Miniature Pinscher dog. Not long after Tom opened his door, Mo came running out to his owner.

“Yeah. She’s doing fine. The doctors want to keep her in few more days. To check everything, you know?” He kneeled to play with his tiny dog, scratching him playfully. “Okay, Mo, remember Lud? He’ll take you to your walk. Behave yourself, okay? I’ll see you later.”

. . .

His walk was quiet, even Mo noticed as he walked quietly too. It was uncommon for Mo to be quiet, maybe animals really possess the ability to sense human emotions. Together they passed other owners with their dogs, neither really paying attention to them. There was one thing in their mind, just to get to the park.

Lud sat down on a bench, letting Mo free to run around and play with the other dogs. Everyone knew him, they knew the dog too so they gave him extra pairs of eyes as he let himself drown in thoughts. Dangerous thoughts.

Ever since then, he was unable to brush those thoughts away and it was getting in the way of his peaceful life. The order of his life was interrupted and he feared not being able to get back to his life. All these years he had pushed those thoughts, those feelings to the back of his mind and the bottom of his heart. He knew he was unable to deal with them, he knew they were stronger than him. He never wanted to be this way but there was no other way he knew how to be.

"¡Oigan! ¡Chicos! ¡Regresen! No me hagaís esto."

Before Lud had time to react, four huge dogs jumped on him. His mind cleared, only wondering what was going on. He tried looking around but the dogs seemed to want his attention and they wanted it badly.

"I'm so sorry about this. I couldn't keep up with them." A young guy apologized, or so he sounded young. Lud still could not see him through the dogs' fur covering his face. "They seem to like you...I guess that's a good thing." Finally, a body came close enough to pulled the dogs away, revealing a new face. The face he wanted to see for some time now.

The new guy sat down, patting two of the dogs and talking to them. He babbled in an unknown language to Lud's ears, although he admitted it sounded rather energetic. His attention stayed fixed on him, the dogs were not pleased with all. They started pulling on his clothing, untucking his shirt and wrinkling it. This forced him to look down to them, they were satisfied.

"What is it that you want, eh?" he spoke softly, playing a bit with them. He recognized the kinds of dogs almost immediately when he saw them but just now he had time to assure his idea. "You two look playful. I don't know if I can keep up with that," he joked with an equal chuckle.

"You like dogs, right? They like people quite a lot but it feels different from you." The new guy commented, looking at him for a bit. He smiled, his dogs resting on the ground.

Ludwig was taken by surprise, blushing when their eyes met but he looked down quickly. His eyes were kept on the dogs, somehow embarrassed to look at his company.

"Ye-yeah...I gu-guess..."

"I'm Antonio," he hummed joyfully. "I'm the new guy on the block, you've heard already, right? Nice meeting you."

"I'm Ludwig."

"Oh! ¡Eres el dichoso Ludwig!" He chirped as if sudden realization hit him, which was pretty much the case. "Uh...I mean, uh, people told me quite a lot about you. Stuff like you are the first I should be seeing before meeting the other neighbors...I tried not raising suspicions until I meet you... Guess the time just didn't come around 'till now."

Antonio fidgeted with his fingers, showing nervousness as he stared at his hands. The dogs resting next to his feet took noticed, snuggling him in the legs warningly. The other two noticed too for they had laid on the ground too, leaving Ludwig alone and free to talk to their owner.

Lud glanced over at him, not holding it for too long. He was a rather calm person, he was known to handle any situations with a steady beat but somehow...he just could not do so now. Not even the dogs, creatures he adored more than anything, could distract him from thinking...They could not distract him from feeling...

"People around here trusts you, huh? It's nice, you know," Antonio babbled more to himself rather than to him. His energetic and easy-going image just disappeared. It just slipped away from him, leaving insecurity behind. "Do...Do I have your approval? I don't...I don't catch how this place goes but I don't want people to worry about me."

'Was he really worried about that?' Lud thought, finding almost funny...almost adorable. He turned to the dogs, scratching their ears which got their attention and brought them to their feet.

"Um-ah...Do I need to pass a test or something like that? It's weird, I mean, not weird in a bad way...Er, is it because there are many kids in this block, right? Um." He continued fidgeting with his fingers, his worry increasing. Unconsciously he was staring his way, trying to find any clue. Anything that could give him any explanation. In his search, he saw him smirking and it did not help at all. "Ludwig? I'm not good when I'm nervous, er, ca-can you tell me anything? Ju-just says anything..."

"Um, actually. There is, indeed, a test you have to pass." The blond finally expressed an answer but it did little to calm the other one down. 'What am I doing?' he questioned himself. "The test will be this Friday, are you free then?" He looked up, finding a worried blushed face. He found it adorable and he knew he was getting into a mess that had no end.

"¿El Viernes? Viernes...Viernes...NO! I mean, yes. I am free! I'm free!" Fast, his heart beat fast. No. It was not beating, it was pounding into his chest with a burning feeling. Maybe his cheeks burned with the same feeling, he just had no name to describe it.

"It's settled then." He set the topic aside, not giving it much thought as he usually would. It was just different. "Are they all yours? What are their names?" he questioned, moving their attention to the dogs. They looked up happily to being acknowledged by them.

"Eh, only one is mine. Until next week at least, then they will all be mine. Right, guys? You'll be staying with me." His world still shaking he grinned. He tried his best at hiding the nervousness that was still left by shifting his attention to his pets. "The Golden Retriever is Max. Australian Shepherd is Lina. Flat-coated Retriever is Riri. And my Carea Castellano Manchego, Toni. They are all the same age. Riri is the youngest though.

You have no idea how much trouble Lina and Toni caused me when they were puppies. Even now they are all...they all enjoy bringing me trouble. And, and. Did you know- I was actually surprised they all got along. Um, maybe they all agree to make my life more lively than it already is and that's why they get along- But you know? They might be playful dogs but they are really obedient. I wasn't too careless to not train them! People say that I would never be able to train them but I did! I wish they could- Oh..."

Antonio stopped mid-sentence at the sound of faint chuckles. He realized he lost hold of reality and just babbled on and on about his dogs. His cheeks were hit with heat, his hand quickly rising to cover them and his mouth. Although it did nothing to stop him from feeling embarrassed, it actually worsens it.

"I'm- I'm sorry. I got distracted and...I'm sorry. Did I bore you? I'm really sorry. Usually I... Lo estoy haciendo otra vez, no? Eh, hablo mucho cuando me pongo nervioso- I mean, I talk a lot when I get nervous..." He was hit with reality again, making him drop his head. He just could not face Ludwig at all, not in this situation he kept ruining.

Lud just chuckled to himself, knowing he was not helping Antonio to get a hold of himself. He heard every word and...he found no reason to apologize for.

Never had he heard anyone talk with so much passion like their whole life depended on it. The look Antonio had when he talked about his dogs, that image stuck in his mind for good. Maybe Antonio was not a bad guy, even with that affirmation he knew he was making a mistake. And he wondered how long will his happy moment last, he wished it would last longer than before.

"It's okay. You sounded like you were enjoying yourself." He replied, softly and calmly. He had control over the situation, he stood on known ground. Before Antonio could find the words to reply with, Mo came running to them and jumped to Lud's lap. "There you are, little friend. I guess I'll be taking my leave now. I should be returning this dog to his owner."

"Ye-yeah. I should go home too. Bet they are tired from playing." Antonio stood up, his gaze still fixed on the ground. "See you Friday then...or when we meet again."

"See you then."

Lud walked away, Mo resting on his arms. He had that smirk. That smirk that meant...He knew he was making a big mistake.

. . .

Antonio raised his gaze, watching him leave. Each step he took, each centimeter away made him crave his company. But his body did not move, it was unable to do so in such a burning feeling that burned his body. His mind was too busy recalling his face, his clean-blond hair slicked back, his beautiful light-blue eyes. His sharp jawline. His built body. His heart still pounding against his chest, suffocating him. Leaving him unable to breathe normally.

He knew it was bad. He knew it when the nerves started going up. He had no reason to be nervous for, he knew he was a good person that could do no harm to anyone. But still, he was nervous and worst he did not notice when he started to act like that. Interacting with people was his strong point, it was a glove in his hand but today was just different.

It was different because he missed him already.

. . .

"I'm so sorry to trouble you, buddy. I promise it won't happen again."

"Like I said earlier, it is fine with me. I love dogs. I enjoy being with them."

He had always loved dogs, they were just perfect in his mind. They loved him back too for they always seem to be quick in gaining his affection. But today he had something else rather than dogs in his mind. He had a new image accompanied by a brand new feeling.

. . . . . .

"You like dogs, right? But you don't have any of your own."

"My apartment is not enough for a dog."

"Then come live with me."

It's okay if it isn't complex, right? This is the first piece of writing about Hetalia I'm publicly 'sharing' online. It was easy to tell, right? This is a rare ship that I thought of when I saw a cute image of Germany and Spain on Pinterest. Lud was sitting on a chair and Toni was balancing a tomato in his head and was like super proud to do so.  And Lud had to put up with it and I thought 'You know what? That's ship material'. (Not to mention the Hetalia seiyuu event too) Hope you enjoy it, I guess.

[ssimagines]

Turn Away|| Barry Allen || Cancer series 1

Pairing: Barry Allen x Sick!Reader

Word Count: 3290  sorry its so long

Summary: You have cancer and are currently going through chemo therapy. You are currently seeing forensic scientist, Barry Allen, but he doesn’t know yet.

Warnings: Serious illness, Cancer, Sorta sad not really, minor swear words

Note: this is based off Cancer by MCR covered by TØP. I kinda want to make this a series, but let’s see how this one goes first.

You sat in your large cushioned chair watching chemicals drip from a pump through the port into your body. The constant rhythm of the dripping chemo had you in a nulled state. It was boring to watch, but you had nothing else to do. You were there alone for your second session in your chemo therapy cycle. It was a Tuesday, and everyone who knew about your condition was at work. Your whole family was there for your surgery when the doctors removed a cardiac tumor. Your mother and aunt Marie waited by your bed for 5 days while you were in the hospital. Sadly, your mother had to return to Star City for work leaving you with your aunt Marie who had insisted you move in so she could take care of you. She came with you to your first appointment, but she wasn’t able to take off any more work leaving you to sit in the dingy room all alone. You didn’t mind much, and besides you weren’t completely alone. There were two other people getting treatment today. One was a woman who looked to be a soccer mom in her late 40s who you had seen here last week. She was reading a book that you couldn’t make out from here. The other was an older man who you guessed to be in his 70s. He was snoring rather loudly which brought a smile to your face. He reminded you of your own grandfather who fell asleep anytime he was sitting still. You had wanted to fall asleep, but you knew that if you fell asleep now you wouldn’t wake up anytime soon. You were constantly tired as a side effect of the drugs that were being pumped into your system. You had brought a book to read, but you now you were really regretting your choice of title. You thought it would be funny to read The Fault in Our Stars while you were going through your chemo. Now you just thought it was damn depressing. When the book first came out, you ate it up, but now you were not too keen on the idea of it. These kids had their life taken away from. They would never go to college. They would never get married or have kids. There were so many experiences they would never get to have. It reminded you that there were experiences that you were never going to get to have, and that was something you really didn’t want to think about. You didn’t want to think about the fact that you might be dying because you didn’t want it to be real. You took a deep breath and set your book on the table that was beside your chair. Your blanket that was slipping off your legs, but it was kind of nice to feel the cold air against your legs. It was only about an hour into your session, and you were already uncomfortable. No matter how you sat, with your limited positions because of the port, it didn’t get better. You were just doomed to sit uncomfortably. After about ten minutes, you found what you decided to be the most comfortable position you were going to find. You heard your phone buzz from underneath your book on the table. In frustration, you threw your head back lightly hitting it against the back of the large chair. Taking a deep breath, you moved to grab your phone to check the message or notification that had arrived not long ago and snuggled back into your chair.     SAVE ME FROM Dr. HIGH HAT -Barry You laughed at the message you had just gotten. Though you had only known Barry for a little over three months, the two of you had become very close. Part of being so close to him involved him texting you at all hours of the day and night to tell you about his day which often included complaining about his boss or telling you all about what his friend, Cisco, had done that day. Today was no different.     Is he really that bad? -Y/N After sending the text, you set your phone on your lap and looked to the clock. You knew that no time had really passed, but you were antsy to get out of here.  Almost instantly, your phone buzzed. You grunted loudly at Barry. Your communications were really great at times when you wanted to text, but now you were just annoyed more than anything. You hadn’t told him about your condition, and for now you wanted to keep it that way. You had meet Barry right after you had found out you had a tumor at CC Jitters. It was around that time that everyone you knew found out. They were all so sympathetic that it was almost toxic. You could no longer have a conversation with any of them without talking purely about your cancer. With Barry, you didn’t have to worry about it. You thought back to the day you met him. It was a rainy day in Central City which you had found was rather unusual. There had only been about ten or eleven of them since you had moved here almost three years ago. You had moved most of your things into a storage unit this morning and you were moving the rest of the things from your apartment into your aunt’s house this afternoon. You had gotten up early to finish quickly, but that left you in dire need of coffee that lead you to your favorite coffee shop in town, CC Jitters. You stood in line waiting to order. You usually order a small iced tea, but you needed the caffeine so you were planning on getting something stronger today. The person in front of you finished his order and move aside to let you order. “What can I get for you today?” the barista asked. He was in his early 20s dressed in a sweater and a beanie similarly to you. Though you were trying to do everything possible with your hair while you still had, it you had rushed out the door. The barista was smiling at the rain outside over your shoulder. “Can I get a medium Café mocha for here?” You said. Though it was a simple order, you were nervous. Your voice shock unsteadily, but you took a deep breath to calm your nerves. “That will be $4.15,” The barista said. Silently, you handed him a $5 bill and waited for your change which you put into the tip jar. You step aside to let the person behind you order as you watched your drink being made. After it was served to you, you found a table and settled in with your book, To Kill a Mockingbird. You liked to read while you had your coffee. You saw it as a nice break from the world for a while. This was prime reading time as Jitters was mostly empty. “Hi, I couldn’t help but notice your reading a To Kill a Mockingbird,” A voice said. You looked up from your book to see a man leaning on the edge of your table across from where you sat. He was a very attractive tall, lanky man with brown hair and green eyes. He had smile on his face that made your heart flutter slightly. “Oh, yeah it’s one of my favorite books,” You said offering him a smile. “I’ve read it too many times to count now.” “I can tell,” he said gesturing to your worn copy whose binding was in need of repair. You smiled down at your book putting your bookmark in it and setting it to the side slightly. You gestured to the seat in front of you. “Would you like to join me?” You offered. To which he quickly pulled put the chair and sat down. The two of you talked for over an hour before you both had to go. You exchanged numbers and promised to meet up soon. You did meet up with Barry not long after that you went on a date with him the following week. Not long after that you got together with him one more time that month. Despite not having seen him since before your surgery, you two had grown close, both romantically and otherwise. You finally looked at the message from Barry.     He truly is. He took me off another case because of “metahuman involvement”- Barry You had to admit it was pretty funny that this kept happening. There were very few cases now days that didn’t have some sort of metahuman involvement meaning Barry had a very light case work that got smaller every day. He didn’t really get why he wasn’t allowed to work on the metahuman cases, so he always hashed it up to his boss being mean to him. It really got Barry worked up.      Well, there’s always another case -Y/N You responded more quickly this time and didn’t bother putting your phone away knowing that Barry would respond right away again.     True. I’m about to get lunch. Want to go with me? -Barry Your heart broke a little. Barry had been asking you to do things with him since your last date, but you were worried about him finding out about your illness so you always turned him down. Every time you did, your heart broke more. You really liked Barry and under normal circumstances you could see yourself having a future with him.   I can’t. I’m kinda busy right now. -Y/N You used the same line a million times and usually Barry was understanding, but sometimes he would get frustrated. Part of you hoped that this wasn’t one of these times.    I can do it later if that works better for you -Barry Barry didn’t hesitate to send you another message right after that.     It’s been two months, and I’d really love to see your beautiful face again -Barry Unsure of what to do, you step your phone down and looked around the room. In that moment, you made eye contact with the woman across the room. The joy in her eyes disappeared as was replaced with concern. It hadn’t occurred to you that your emotions were probably written all over your face. “Are you okay sweetie?” Her voice was smooth like honey even though she looked paper thin. “Not really you,” You answered honestly. After you found out you were sick, part of you decided that you try to be honest when people asked if you were okay. You thought life was too short to lie about and hide emotions. “I’m sorta seeing this guy, but I haven’t told him I’m sick.” She nodded thoughtfully and took a moment to think. You watched her mull things over in her head. After a few breaths, you looked down at the message that was still on your phone screen. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, but let me tell you a story,” The women started. “This isn’t my first time going through this. About ten years ago, the doctors found a lump on my breast. At the time, I was married to my first husband of nearly 20 and it was really devastating to both of us. Our kids were 14 and 12, and we weren’t sure what we were going to do. We did everything there was and I went into remission. I got better, but my marriage was broken from that. My husband kept saying that this was not what he signed up for and it caused us to separate. “After about a year, we got a divorce. I was really devastated at first, but I went to a support group for people with cancer, and things got easier. I met Gary there and the two of us got along really well. Eventually our friendship turned into more and we were married a little over three years ago. When I relapsed, Gary was there. He has been here every step of the way. He knew exactly the risks when going into this marriage and it made us stronger whereas before it tore my marriage apart. “I don’t want you to have to go through what I did. You have the opportunity to let this boy know before you get to close and it breaks you completely when he leaves. The sooner you let him know the sooner you find out what kind of person he is. Just think about it.” You looked to your phone again really thinking about what she said. Taking a deep breath, you typed your message.     My thing finished in about an hour and a half. Do you want to meet at Big Belly Burger afterwards? -Y/N “Thank you,” You said quietly to the woman who just smiled and went back to her book.     Can’t wait. I’ll see you there -Barry You watched as the woman got up with the help of a nurse was prepared to leave. On her way out, she placed her hand on your shoulder and looked you in the eyes. “If he doesn’t want to be with you after this then you know before you get your heart broken to badly. I’ll be here next week, and I expect a full report on what happened,” She offered a warm smile and squeezed your shoulder before leaving. The room returned to the soft sounds of the old man snoring. You looked out the window by your chair at the pale gray sky of Central City.

After wrapping up your chemo for the day, you did your best to get to Big Belly Burger in time. You didn’t want Barry to have to wait for too long. As you walked into the small restaurant, you saw Barry seated in a booth with food already in front of him. He looked up at the sound of the door opening and saw you walk in. His smile stretched from ear to ear. He stood as you got closer to envelope you in a hug. His arms were warm and comforting which differed from the chilly November air outside. “I like what you did to your hair,” He said as the two of you sat down across from one another. You hand instinctively went to your hair that was cut very short. You had cut after your surgery in preparation for losing it during chemo. “Oh, yeah I just needed a change you know,” You said. “I hope you don’t mind I ordered for you. A cheese burger and a medium lemonade, right?” he said gesturing to the food that was placed in front of you. You smiled and nodded. There was a certain pride you had over the fact that he knew your order. You had come here once with him and you brought him lunch to have together once, but those were both two months ago. The fact he remembered meant a lot to you. You sat together eating. Barry told you a story about his best friend, Iris, who had gone on a really bad date recently. Barry talked to you about Iris a lot. At first, you thought he liked her, but after getting to know him better, you discovered that though he used to like her, he no longer did. You listened intently adding your input when necessary. His smile grew when you tried. “So, what is new with you?” He asked laying his hand on top of yours. “It’s been too long since we got together.” “I actually have something really important to talk to you about,” you said. You looked down at his hand on yours. The pressure had decreased between your hands. “Are you seeing someone else?” He said quietly. “I mean we never really said that we were together, but I thought that you saw us as going somewhere like I did. I understand though. I can be distant-” “Barry, I’m not seeing anyone else,” you interrupted him. A part of you was sad that he thought you would do that to him. “Far from it, actually I’ve been hoping that you weren’t thinking of seeing anyone else. That’s not what I needed to talk about though.” “Wait so you are telling me you don’t want to be with anyone else, but me,” Barry smiled this goofy smile to which you returned. You squeezed his hand. “Right, but Barry, please I really need to talk to you about this,” Your eyebrows creased and you could feel your head throb slightly. The fatigue from earlier today was really kicking it up a notch, and you felt a little sick to your stomach. The nausea was worse than it had been ever been. You pulled your hand away from you him and let it rest over your mouth. You slowly got up and headed in the direction of the bathroom. Barry jumped up to follow you. When you finally pushed your way into the one-person bathroom, you leaned over the toilet and emptied your stomach. You felt a warm hand rubbing warm circles on your back. You wiped your mouth on your sleeve and made a note to change when you got home. You leaned back into Barry’s chest. “Barry, I’m sick,” you said quietly as you two sat there on the floor. You felt his chest move as you felt him chuckle. “Y/N, I got that,” He said as he ran his hand over your forehead and through your hair. You sighed. “Barry, it’s more serious than that,” you pulled away to look at him. He his smile fell slowly. He looked at you with compassion. He was urging you to go on, but you needed a moment to figure out exactly what to say. You stood up off the ground and went to the sink. After turning the faucet on, you splashed cold water on your face. You saw Barry stand up from off the floor and came to wrap his arms around your waist. “I have cancer,” you let out a deep breath as you closed your eyes. Barry let go of your waist and stepped back. It seemed that your confession had stolen all the words from his mouth. After a moment, he looked between you and the floor desperately. “You… I can’t- I don’t. Y/N. Are you okay? Are you going to be okay? Is it treatable?” Barry looked worried. I smiled at him and looked him in the eye. “I am going to be okay.” He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your neck. He was warm, and it calmed you. You felt tears on your shoulder. As a way to calm him you rubbed your back. You felt tears in the corner of your eyes. In that moment, you realized you were both still in the bathroom. You pulled away from him. “Barry, we are in a big belly burger bathroom,” you said laughing. He looked you in the eye joining you in laughter. “Let’s get out of here. Are you tired?” He asked, and you nodded. “I’ll call into work and tell Albert that I’m taking the rest of the day off. We can go back to my place and watch Netflix.” “That sounds perfect to me,” you smiled and wrapped your hand around his waist. You walked out of the bathroom together. With him by your side, all the awful feelings you had about your chemo feel away. You had Barry by your side and that was enough. You looked at the tall lanky man walking alongside you, and smiled. “Thank you,” You said. Barry just looked down at you with a small smile and pressed his lips to your temple. You had a feeling that everything just might work out.

Part 2     Part 3     Part 4    Part 5

[secretkidcolor]

This Scene Takes Three: The Retrograde Gathering of Fun Seekers

Continuation of a series I started a year ago whoops! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Brady had sprayed and wiped at the spot on the table five times now, and it still hadn't gone away. He wasn't sure what it was from. It was about the size of a quarter and easily noticeable against the dark wood. If he had to guess, it was from a glass. Normally they just ignored it, or if necessary covered it up with a place mat, but this time was different. They had guests coming over, and Brady had been taught from a very young age that guests deserved only the best.

Owain had a different mindset however. "Sweetheart," he said gently, stopping Brady's hands with his own, "as much as I admire your dedication to perfecting our home, I don't think a couple of eight year-olds will so much as notice a spot on the table."

Brady sighed and set aside the rag he was using. "Yer right," he sighed. "I just want the house to look perfect. Ophelia hasn't had a play date here in a couple of months. It's always been at someone else's house. What if she's just embarrassed of people seeing where she lives? What if-"

"Ophelia's been talking non-stop about all the things she and her friends are going to do today," Owain reminded him. "It's been the only thing on her mind for the past week. She wouldn't do that if she was embarrassed of the house."

To emphasize the point, he glanced around the kitchen. The house actually belonged to Brady's mother, as Owain was still looking for work and Brady's hours at the hospital were shorter now that Ophelia was out of school for the summer. They would have been more than happy to get an apartment, but Maribelle insisted she do this for them. She had dipped into some inheritance from a rich uncle or maybe her father, her entire family tree just confused Owain, and bought them the house. It was a gesture they were extremely grateful for, even if it made Brady anxious about keeping it clean.

While she was a doting mother, Maribelle wasn't going to hand everything to her son. Owain and Brady were in charge of paying utilities and any other upkeep, but Maribelle's name was on all the other paperwork. And of course they had to deal with her almost daily calls or visits to look at the house.

A door could be heard opening upstairs, meaning the third member of the family was now up. Brady lowered his voice. "What if," he said, "what if it's not the house she's embarrassed of. What if it's us?"

Owain's smile faltered. This had been a common worry of Brady's since the day Ophelia didn't need him to walk her into her classroom at school. It was a natural worry, his own mother had told him, that children were growing up and might not need their parents around.

"Ophelia would never been embarrassed by us," Owain said firmly. "Why would she? We're great!"

Before Brady could give a response, they heard the pitter-patter of feet running down the stairs. Ophelia burst into the kitchen, still in her pajamas.

"Good morning my little Chosen One," Owain greeted, opening the pantry to retrieve a box of Ophelia's favorite cereal. Brady didn't like buying it, said it had more marshmallows than actual cereal pieces, but Owain couldn't deny her something like that.

"Morning Daddy!" Ophelia said, climbing onto a chair and sitting on her knees so she could look taller. Owain handed her a spoon and poured some milk into her cereal bowl. "Do you know what day it is?"

"Hm..." Owain said, thinking for a long time. "I'm not sure...dear do you know what day it is?" Ophelia rolled her eyes and turned to look at Brady.

Brady raised an eyebrow, but quickly caught on. "Oh...uh...it's Tuesday. Right?"

"Noooooooo," Ophelia said with a huff. "Today's the day that Soleil comes over!"

Owain gasped. "Oh! Is that today?" He asked. He made a show of looking at the calendar, where the day was neatly marked with the words "Ophelia's Friends Come Over". "By the gods, it is! What a glorious turn of events."

"I can't believe you forgot," Ophelia said, shaking her head and crossing her arms. "When's Soleil getting here?"

"Not until later darling," Owain answered. "And remember, it's not just Soleil who's going to be here."

"Oh," Ophelia replied, looking down at her cereal. "Yeah...and Nina." The kitchen was silent for a little bit before Ophelia spoke up again. "Why does she have to come here?"

"Nina's your friend," Brady pointed out.

"No," Ophelia corrected, "she's Soleil's friend. And all they do is fight."

"Nina invited you to her house that one time," Owain reminded her. "It's honorable and polite to invite her over to your house in return."

"Okay..." Ophelia sighed. She finished her cereal and hopped off the chair. "I'm going to go get ready!"

"What are you going to do during yer play date?" Brady asked.

"Daaaaaad," Ophelia groaned, "they're not called 'play dates' anymore. It's called 'hanging out'."

"Oh, sorry," Brady mumbled, "well what are you going to do while yer hanging out? Have a tea party or something? I can make you some real tea-"

"Go on an adventure!" Ophelia declared excitedly. "An adventure so great and mysterious I won't even know what to name it until after it's over."

Ophelia had developed a habit of naming things nobody would think needed to be named. It was Owain's fault, always spending time naming scenes or characters from whatever play he was interested in. It had quickly rubbed off on Ophelia and Owain was too proud to tell her to stop.

Ophelia ran upstairs to go get dressed. Owain gave Brady a smile. "A tea party?" He said with a laugh.

"That's what I did when I had play-" Brady sighed, "I mean, when I 'hung out'. I better go make sure she's wearing somethin' nice an' not an old Halloween costume."

Once Ophelia was, begrudgingly, dressed appropriately, the process of waiting for her friends to arrive began. Ophelia waited impatiently in the living room, glancing out the window every five seconds to see if a car was pulling up in the driveway. Ironically, it was when she had taken a break to use the bathroom that a minivan appeared in front of the house.

Owain opened the door and walked down the front steps. Two little girls, one wearing an ornate headband in her long pink hair and the other with two dark blue pigtails, ran out of the vehicle and toward the front door.

"Inigo my friend!" Owain called to the main getting out of the van. "While I am happy to see you once again, I had been hoping that Niles would be dropping Nina off separately so we could catch up."

Inigo just laughed and shook his head. "Always one for wasting words I see," he said. "Niles called me last minute and asked if I could drive Nina. He was caught up with something at work and Corrin had to take Kana to the doctor."

Owain frowned. "Well I hope he's alright," he said. Niles' work wasn't the safest at times, and getting caught up with something could mean a number of things. "Anyways, it's good to see you again."

"It's only been a couple of days," Inigo chided. "You couldn't miss me-"

"SOLEIL!" Ophelia cried, running out the front door and into her friend's waiting arms. The two girls jumped up and down excitedly for a couple of seconds, leaving Nina awkwardly standing off to the side. "Oh, and...hi Nina." Owain glared at her. She glared back before grabbing both girls' hands and pulling them into the house where Brady was waiting.

"I wish we had more time to talk," Inigo admitted, "but I've got to get going, dance practice and all." He looked off to the side and then squinted. "Is that...is that Severa?"

Owain turned to look in the same direction, and sure enough a candy apple red sports car was indeed speeding down the street. It came screeching to a stop at the end of Owain's driveway. The driver's door was thrown open and out stepped a woman who was clearly pissed off about something. Her large, red twin pigtails shook vigorously as she opened up the passenger side door and helped someone else out of the car.

At first, both Owain and Inigo thought it was Severa's mother. It took them a few seconds to realize that it was just a young girl that looked like Severa's mother.

"Um, is there a problem?" Severa asked as she and the girl walked up the driveway. The girl watched Severa, trying to copy the angry way she stormed up the cement slope, but ended up stumbling and almost falling completely.

"Is that your daughter?" Owain asked.

Severa rolled her eyes. "No," she said, "it's some random girl I kidnapped and brought to your house. Any more stupid questions?"

"I"m Caeldori," the girl said brightly, sticking out her hand to shook Owain's hand, and then Inigo's, before looking back at Owain. "My mom took me to see one of your shows. You played the man with the trumpet. That was really funny!"

"I didn't know you went to see that show," Owain exclaimed. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Must have slipped my mind," Severa mumbled, her face taking on a slight pink tinge. "Anyways, this is my daughter. Now you've met. I'll pick her up at three." She put her hand on the girl's shoulder, but didn't look at her. "Be good." Owain and Inigo exchanged glances. "What? Aren't you going to show her inside?"

The front door opened and Brady stepped outside. "Hey are you guys done talking- oh hey Severa!"

"Oh gawds," Severa sighed. "Caeldori, that's Brady, remember me telling you about him?"

"Is he the one that helped you become less shy in school?" Caeldori asked.

"Gah, yes, b-but that's private!" Severa said, getting flustered. "Just go inside!" Caeldori nodded obediently and walked toward Brady, who paused for a second, before kneeling down to talk to her before leading her inside. "What now?!" Severa snapped, since Owain and Inigo were now staring at her.

"Did you just dump your kid at their house?" Inigo asked, folding his arms over his chest. "That's low even for you."

"We're always happy to have guests over," Owain said, stepping between the two. He then gave Severa an apologetic look. "But we would have appreciated you calling first. Ophelia made plans to have some friends over today"

"Fine," Severa huffed, not making eye contact, "sorry I forgot you two were Parents of the Year. I have to work and it's not exactly appropriate to take your daughter with you to a domestic abuse shelter." She sighed. "I just...knew she'd have a potential friend here."

"Where's Mr. Perfect?" Inigo asked.

"Work," Severa said, glaring due to the nickname, "I was going to have him drop Caeldori off but given how wonderful the last time the three of you were together went-"

"Hey we apologized for calling him...Suckbaki," Owain said, holding back a laugh.

"And Subadouche," Inigo added, "although punching him in the face is something we didn't apologize for."

"I was there," Severa said flatly. "Anyways, I'm sorry for the short notice or whatever. I only work until two-thirty and then I can come back and pick her up."

"You know she looks a lot like," Owain began, but Severa's narrowing eyes made him stop. "Right, she'll be just fine in our care. Brady and I will watch over her with honor and guard her with our lives should the need ever arise-"

"I get it, gawds," Severa interrupted. "Geez, this is why I never tell you when I go to your shows. You're so damn extra. Nice seeing you, jerks!" With a super aggressive wave, she stormed back down the driveway, got in her car, and sped off.

The two men watched the now empty spot in the street for a few seconds, before Inigo mumbled "Suckbaki" under his breath and the two burst into a fit of laughter. Inigo bid Owain farewell and left for his dance practice, and Owain returned to his house.

Brady was waiting for him in the living room. "Everything alright with Severa?" He asked worriedly.

"Fear not my love," Owain said, grinning and wrapping his arms around Brady. "Our dear friend is merely occupied with her honorable duty, and must entrust her daughter with us for the day."

"So she's fine then," Brady said, only cracking half a smile. "I'm glad. I showed Caeldori to Ophelia's room. I think Ophelia was glad to have a fourth person so she doesn't feel left out when Nina and Soleil start to argue."

"Excellent," Owain said, arms still around Brady, "that means we can just sit and-" He stopped as he noticed Caeldori coming down the stairs. Owain let go of Brady and walked over to the girl.

"Excuse me Mr. Owain," Caeldori said politely, thinking over each word before saying it. "Could you tell me where the bathroom is?"

"Sure," Owain replied, leading Caeldori to the bathroom. She thanked him and went inside. Owain returned to Brady in the living room. "Hard to believe she's so polite and yet she's Severa's daughter. You know she looks exactly like her mom. It's uncanny."

"I wonder what Severa thinks of that," Brady said softly. "I can't believe we've gone this long without seein' her. She's only two years older than Ophelia, and the last time I remember seein' her was a couple weeks after we brought Ophelia home." Owain vaguely recalled seeing a small toddler with bright red hair accompanying Severa, but nothing else.

There was some excited yelling coming from the upstairs, followed by Ophelia, Soleil, and Nina running down the steps. "We're going to the backyard!" Ophelia called out as she ran to unlock the backdoor so the three girls could play.

"Don't get all muddy!" Brady hollered back, but knew there was a good chance they would ignore him. A few seconds later Caeldori wandered back from the bathroom. "The rest of the girls just went outside," Brady told her.

"Oh," Caeldori said softly, "okay." She turned to look out the window and see the three girls playing around in the grass.

"Is everything okay?" Owain asked the girl. "Are the other girls taking turns and everything? If not I can go out there and make sure they're playing fairly."

"No they're taking turns," Caeldori reassured, "I just...don't play with a lot of kids. So I don't know how to play a lot of their games."

It probably doesn't help that Ophelia does nothing but make up her own games, both Brady and Owain thought. "Well," Owain said, "even if you don't know how to play them, I'm sure Ophelia would love to explain it if you asked." Caeldori just looked down at her feet. Apparently she was more than just physically similar to Severa's mother.

"Just watch them to start," Brady suggested. "If they're taking turns, offer to go last so you can see what the other three do. Then you can just try and copy the other three to figure it out."

Caeldori's face perked up. "I can do that!" She said, turning to run to the door to the backyard. As she opened it, she turned back to Brady. "My mom was right, you really are good with helping people!" Before Brady could stammer out a response, the girl had joined the others in some wild made up game of Ophelia's invention.

"I didn't know you gave so much advice," Owain teased.

"I just helped her get over a few things," Brady said, blushing. "It was nothin' important. At least, she didn't say it was or nothing'."

"Well what sort of advice would you have given me?" Owain asked curiously. "I had my fair share of things to get over."

Brady snorted. "Yourself maybe," he said. Owain feigned a hurt look. "Naw, I think you were perfect just the way you were. And still are." He leaned over to kiss Owain and nearly jumped as he saw a face pressed against the back window. He relaxed once he realized it was just one of the kids.

Nina was staring intensely at the two men, until Brady awkwardly waved and she dashed away from the glass. "Does she normally do that?" Brady asked, having not been around the child that often.

"I don't think so," Owain said, shrugging. "Niles is just a weirdo. His kid probably picked up his whole lurking thing too. Speaking of which, she's back."

Nina was now up in the tree in the backyard, poised on a branch that allowed her to see through the top of the window. Her pigtails gave her away, however, dangling below the cluster of leaves. Owain made a funny face and she nearly fell out of the tree.

"Be careful," Brady warned. "What do you think she's doing?"

"Probably just one of Ophelia's adventures," Owain said. "Maybe we're the bad guys in this one. Come on, let's go surprise 'em." The two men got up from the couch and walked over to the garage. It had a door that led to the backyard that was hidden behind a couple of shrubs. They quietly entered the yard and watching.

"Somebody come save me," Ophelia said in fake distress. She was standing sitting on a lawn chair with her hands behind her back, pretending to be tied up. "If only somebody could save me!" Then there was silence. "Soleil that's your guys' cue-"

"RAWR!" Owain bellowed, running out from behind the bushes and toward Ophelia.

"Oh no a giant's attacking!" Ophelia cried, actually screaming in surprise. Brady came following behind Owain, albeit not as dramatic. "Oh no there's two giants!"

"Uh, is this part of the plan?" Caeldori asked. She and Soleil were standing near the shed, holding a plastic golf club and a bucket respectively.

"I don't know," Soleil said with a shrug. "But we need to go save the girl and get our kiss, so let's go." She ran toward Ophelia and Caledori, not nearly as enthusiastic about recieving a kiss, followed. Soleil made it over to Owain, who had now picked Ophelia up out of the chair, and began hitting his leg with the plastic bucket. "In the name of all that is cute," Soleil yelled in as deep a voice as she could muster, "be gone!"

Owain took a fake stumble and set Ophelia down on the ground. Soleil, satisfied, grabbing Ophelia's hand and took her away from him. Caeldori, not sure what to do, tapped Owain's foot with her golf club. He made sure to seize dramatically to show he had been "hurt" and she ended up laughing before joining back up with Ophelia and Soleil.

"Daaaaaaad," Ophelia said once she had been rescued and given Soleil a kiss on the cheek, more so the girl would leave her alone about it, "there weren't supposed to be any giants in that story. Now I'll have to think of a new name for it."

"Sorry sweetheart," Owain chuckled, "but it looks like you're missing a member."

Ophelia looked around. "Ugh," she said, "Nina where are you?!"

The bushes near Brady rustled, making him jump back. Nina came tumbling out of them, a few scrapes on her arms, legs, and face. "I'm right here," she said.

"What were you doing in there?" Ophelia asked, putting her hands on her hips. "You were supposed to be rescuing me!"

"I was distracting the giants," Nina said, looking at Owain and Brady, "but they got past me. Sorry!"

"Okay," Ophelia sighed, "let's go back inside. I can show you guys the new doll I got. I got to name her all by myself." The girls went back inside, Soleil with her arm around Ophelia and Caeldori next to them actually listening to Ophelia's explanation of the name.

"Nina let's get you cleaned up first," Brady said, helping the girl to her feet. Nina just nodded and walked back inside. Brady helped her sit up on the kitchen counter while he got some bandages.

"I'm sorry for spying," she blurted out.

"Is that what you were doin'?" Brady asked as he gently wiped at the scrapes with a damp cloth. Nina nodded. "Well that's okay, unless something was wrong."

"No," Nina said, her voice barely above a whisper, "but...Ophelia's the only one I know with two dads." Brady stopped and looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "Um, besides me," Nina added. "I like knowing I'm not the only one. I just wanted to see if...if...if you guys were like my dads..."

"Ah, I see," Brady said. He reached into the box of child bandages and held up two bandages with different patterns. "Flowers or kittens?"

"Kittens," Nina said, pointing at the one she wanted.

"Those are my favorite," Brady said with a nod, making Nina smile. He began to cover the scrapes with the bandages. "So are we like your dads?"

"Kind of," Nina replied. "You smile at each other a lot, which is nice. And you hug and stuff. Daddy doesn't like to make as many jokes though. Papa makes him laugh though."

"That's good," Brady told her. He didn't know much about Nina's fathers. Owain knew Niles from a few years back, and Brady had met him several times. Corrin was a relatively new person in Niles' life, based on what Owain had told him. Niles had actually gotten custody of Nina before he met Corrin. It had been a few years now, but Brady understood Nina's curiosity.

"If you have any questions about it," Brady said gently, "you can always ask Ophelia."

"I don't think Ophelia likes me very much," Nina admitted.

"'Course she likes you," Brady promised. "And I'm sure if you asked she'd tell you all about it." He put on the last bandage. "Alright Miss, yer patched up."

"Thanks Mr. Brady," Nina said, letting him help her off the counter. She ran upstairs, leaving Brady in the kitchen, away silently sitting at the table, smiling.

"So Soleil's next up right?" Owain joked. Brady rolled his eyes. "I'm just kidding, if she's anything like her dad she's having the time of her life."

"She's eight," Brady scolded. Owain just laughed.

The two settled in and watched some TV, occasionally checking in on the girls. At lunch they served the girls sandwiches, applesauce, and animal crackers. Ophelia insisted on making the animal crackers "fight" by mashing two different shaped ones together.

"What about like this?" Caeldori asked, pressing an elephant cracker and a lion cracker together with her palms, making them break. Crumbs scattered all over her plate and onto the table. "Oh, sorry!" Instead of pointing out the mess, the others just laughed.

"I want to try it like that!" Ophelia said, clapping her hands together and smashing up two animal crackers. "Cool!" Nina and Soleil tried as well until most of their animal crackers were nothing more than a fine powder. Owain just squeezed Brady's hand to keep him from going over and cleaning up the mess. There would be time for that later.

The hours after lunch went by much faster, with the summer heat keeping the girls inside for the rest of the day. Soon Owain and Brady were greeted by Niles showing up at their door, ready to take Nina home.

"Did you have fun?" He asked his daughter, picking her up.

"Mhm," Nina replied, hugging Niles tightly.

"Woah!" He said with a laugh. "Did you miss me that much?"

"No, not really," Nina said, sticking her tongue out.

"Alright let's get you home," Niles said, shaking his head. He bid his friends farewell before getting Nina situated in the car.

Severa was next, this time in a surprisingly better mood. She didn't say much to her friends this time around, but her expression seemed grateful as Caeldori began to happily tell her what she had done all day. Inigo appeared shortly after and practically had to drag Soleil away from her best friend.

"I don't know how you two do it," Inigo chuckled, "four kids at once. I hope she wasn't too much trouble for you. I know she can get...intense at times."

"The other ones kept us on our toes, but Soleil was pretty relaxed the whole time," Brady admitted.

Inigo gave a full laugh this time around. "Well that's good to hear," he said, trying to keep Soleil from squirming out of his grip. "Let's do this again sometimes!" He gave them one final wave before carrying his daughter out to the car.

Brady and Owain fell back onto the couch, thoroughly exhausted from the day, but it wasn't over yet. Ophelia slowly came down the stairs and climbed onto the couch, sitting between her dads.

"Did you have fun today sweetheart?" Owain asked, grabbing her hand.

"Yeah," Ophelia replied with a yawn, "tons of fun. So much fun I was able to come up with a great name for today. The Retrograde Gathering of Fun Seekers!"

"Sounds like a perfect name," Owain declared. "Although now I think I need a nap. How about you Brady? Brady?" He looked over at Brady, who was snoring on the couch. Ophelia was also dozing peacefully. "Hey no fair!" He curled up on the couch and, making sure he wasn't going to fall onto his daughter, fell asleep with his family.

[chocolatequeennk]

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, recap

This is part three of my recap posts as we get ready for Forever and Never Apart on Tuesday. You can read the To Make Much of Time recap here and the Time is Still A-Flying recap here.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP | Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

Summary: The Doctor and Rose made it through a year of the Master’s hospitality, and now they’re ready to get back to their old life–travelling the universe, and finding the trouble that’s just the bits in between. Or at least they think they are. A disastrous voyage on the Titanic shows them that they aren’t quite as healed as they’ve been claiming to be. Ten x Rose, Teen

From chapter 1:

The TARDIS hummed weakly, and Rose rocked slightly on her feet as the ship’s pain washed over her. The two Doctors started bickering over who knew better how to fix the TARDIS, but Rose ignored them and turned to the console.

Tell me what to do, dear, she said, moving from one control panel to the next as the TARDIS directed her steps. Halfway through, Rose realised what they were doing and balked. That’ll blow you up. But the ship insisted, tolling the cloister bell to remind Rose that they didn’t have much time left.

That finally got the attention of the two Doctors. They stopped arguing mid-sentence to stare up at the ceiling.

“The cloister bell!” the younger one said. He jumped into action, throwing levers to stop the black hole from consuming the TARDIS.

The older one looked at Rose, a proud grin on his face. “Oh, don’t worry about it, Doctor,” he said, following his previous self around the ship. “Rose has things well in hand.”

[...]

He nodded at Rose, and she wiggled her fingers before diving for the next control.

“Venting the thermobuffer, flooring the helmic regulator, and, for maximum effect, let’s fry those Zeiton crystals.”

“She’ll blow up the TARDIS,” the younger Doctor gasped.

He lunged for her, but the older Doctor grabbed him by the elbow. “No, she won’t. Just watch.”

White light flooded the console room, and when it faded, Rose knew immediately that things were back to rights. The band around her chest had loosened, and she could draw a breath without pain.

[...]

“You’re brilliant,” her Doctor said, picking her up and swinging her around before setting her back down again.  

“Far too brilliant,” the younger Doctor agreed. “I’ve never met anyone else who could fly the TARDIS like that.”

They both looked at Rose with stars in their eyes. She blushed and pushed a strand of hair back over her ear.

“That’s Rose,” her Doctor said matter-of-factly.

[...]

The Doctor looked at Rose, feeling her melancholy at letting go of this younger version of him. Then he spotted the previous Doctor’s hat on the console, and even though he knew his past self could find a new one in the wardrobe room, he flicked a switch that brought the other man back.

“I think Rose wanted a proper goodbye,” he said, putting a hand on her back and nudging her towards his past self.

Rose looked up at her Doctor, then stepped forward to wrap her arms around the previous Doctor. “Please, take care of yourself,” she whispered in his ear. “Things are gonna happen, and you won’t want to, but that’s when you meet me. And Doctor… no matter what we’ve been through, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

The younger Doctor looked down at her, and the older Doctor smirked at the confusion on the other man’s face. Even where he was, before the Time War, he couldn’t comprehend Rose’s devotion to him. Oh, just give it a few centuries, Doctor. It’ll make even less sense to you by the time you actually meet her.

[...]

This time, when his previous self disappeared, the Doctor let him go. As he did, the memory of meeting himself and Rose unlocked, permanently this time.

Rose looked up at him. “How does that work, him knowing me? You didn’t know me when we met, did you?”

“Absolutely not,” the Doctor said adamantly. “That would have been a massive deception—I never would have done that to you, Rose.”

She tilted her head. “Yeah, I guess I didn’t think about it like that. But how does it work, then?”

The Doctor sat down on the jump seat and patted the empty spot. When she sat down beside him, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

“We talked about this on Barcelona, remember?” he began. “How bonding with a Time Lord bonds you to every one of their regenerations, past and present?”

“Right…” Rose traced a pattern on his thigh, and a moment later, he recognised it as the circular symbols making up the word forever. “But you didn’t say that if we met younger versions of you, they’d recognise me.”

[...]

The Doctor leaned his head against the seat back and sighed. “Marriage bonds are… trans-temporal,” he said. “Any time I meet you once we have a bond, I will feel your side of the bond call to me.”

Rose shifted beside him, and he looked down at her frowning face. “Then how come you didn’t recognise me in Henrik’s?” The lines on her forehead cleared before he could answer. “Oh! You didn’t know me when I met you the first time, because I hadn’t bonded with you yet.”

“Right! Of course, every time I meet you before I met you…” The Doctor let that sentence trail off, snorting at the absolute ridiculousness of it. “Anyway, if I meet you as my bond mate before I meet you properly in my ninth incarnation, I have to hide the memories so I don’t ruin my own timeline. One thing I’d never want to ruin is the way I met you, Rose.”

Rose looked up at him, a soft smile on her face. “You said just one word.”

The Doctor reached for her hand. “I said, ‘Run.’”

I really loved rewriting Time Crash. the bit about how the bond works when they meet other Doctors is something I’d only mentioned once in the series, in But Being Spent--which means it had never come up in the proper timeline. And since I ship every Doctor x Rose Tyler, I loved having both Doctors be captivated by her when she took care of the TARDIS. 

From chapter 2:

Rose tugged on his tie and smiled at him. “I’m glad you eventually decided to come back for me.”

The Doctor rested his hands on her hips and pulled her close. “That was pretty much a given from the moment we met, love,” he told her, delighting in the way she still blushed when he hinted at how long he’d loved her. “I held out as long as I could—couldn’t blame you for not wanting to be with me. But in the end, everything inside me just screamed to go back and make sure you came with me.”

Rose smiled for a moment, then narrowed her eyes and took a step back. “You’re trying to distract me,” she deduced. “You don’t want to go onto the Titanic, so you’re telling me stories, hoping I’ll forget.”

The Doctor groaned. “And it was so close to working.”

“But why don’t you want to go?”

He turned around and adjusted some controls on the console. “Oh, no reason really,” he said breezily, only realising his mistake when a wave of betrayal hit him seconds before he heard Rose gasp.

The Doctor spun around to look at his bond mate, his eyes wide. “Rose…”

“You… you lied to me,” she whispered. “You haven’t lied to me in almost three years. Why now, Doctor?”

He closed his eyes and slumped against the console. “I spent the last five months on the Valiant lying to the Master every day. He wanted me to break, wanted to see my agony over losing you, and I refused to let him. Not admitting that I’m upset became second nature.” He opened his eyes and looked at Rose again. “That doesn’t excuse lying to you, though. I’m so sorry, Rose.”

She tilted her head and looked at him hard, and eventually nodded once. “It became a habit,” she said. “Self-preservation. I can understand that. But try not to do it again.”

“I will,” he said fervently. “I promise, Rose.”

This is the first (and according to current plans, only) time the Doctor or Rose have broken the “do not lie to your bond mate” rule. Once he explains what happened, it really doe make perfect sense. Still, it leaves him feeling guilty enough that he acquiesces to her desire to go on the Titanic. 

From chapter 2:

The logo peeled away to reveal a bald man with brilliant blue eyes. “Max Capricorn Cruiseliners,” he said, and the Doctor took an immediate dislike to his smarmy voice and smile. “The fastest, the farthest, the best. And I should know because my name is Max.”

In the cheesiest special effect the Doctor had seen in ages, Max smiled right at the camera, and the light reflected off his gold tooth.

“Right,” the Doctor muttered when the screen went back to the company logo. “That told us almost nothing.”

“It told us the company is owned by an arrogant wanker who’s probably the bad guy,” Rose countered.

The Doctor looked down at her. “All right, explain to me how you’ve figured that out, when we don’t even know anything is going to happen.”

“Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?” A cheeky smile broke through her serious attitude, and he realised she was teasing. “Only villains smile like that.”

“Of course,” the Doctor drawled. “How could I have forgotten?”

[...]

Suspicion rolled off Rose as they watched the Host be carried away. What is it? the Doctor asked.

Remember after our Christmas with Donna, when we decided that any robotic beings wanting to harm us could take the form of something besides Santa?

A shiver of unease ran down the Doctor’s spine. He did remember that, though he hadn’t thought of it until Rose had brought it up. You think they’re the bad guy then? he teased, trying to lighten the mood. Again, all he really wanted to do was beg Rose to let them go home.

Pilot fish, she said darkly. Bein’ controlled by the baddie.

The Doctor stared at her. Obviously they weren’t really pilot fish—that wasn’t her point. She meant that like last year, the robots were proxies, letting the actual villain hide in the shadows.

One of the canon traits I love about Rose Tyler is the way she often put her finger on exactly what the problem was well before they even fully grasped that there was a problem. 

From chapter 2:

The Doctor ground his teeth together, impatience pouring off him. “Never mind that; your shields are down. Check your scanners, Captain. You’ve got meteoroids coming in and no shielding.”

“You have no authorisation. You will clear the comms at once,” the captain ordered.

“Yeah?” the Doctor snapped as he looked out the window again. “Just look starboard!”

The steward grabbed the Doctor by the arm. “Come with me, sir.”

Rose followed as they dragged him away from the party, and the Doctor looked back at her. Rose, you can still get in the TARDIS.

Not a chance, she told him.

Please, love…

No! The last time I let you out of my sight on a ship… She swallowed hard and immediately felt the Doctor’s apology. S’okay. I know you just want me to be safe, but right now, if I have to choose between being safe and being with you, I’m gonna pick you.

You might have picked up on this story’s theme in the summary. This is all about peeling back the layers of denial they’ve covered themselves with since the Valiant to reveal their PTSD. We’ve had a few hints of it here and there as the Doctor really really would rather not be on the ship and has only stayed because Rose asked. But this is the first hint that the events of this story will be similar enough to cause flashbacks.

From chapter 3:

Rose turned back around, wanting to see what had excited the Doctor. When she did, her reaction was the exact opposite of his.

“Leave it alone,” she said, staring down at the inert Host. “Don’t touch it; don’t wake it up.”

“But it’s got the strength of ten,” the Doctor protested. “It could help us shift the rubble.”

Rose glared at him and placed her hands on her hips. “Trombone playing Santas,” she said. “Two years in a row. You couldn’t pay me enough to trust that thing.”

The Doctor sighed somewhat longingly, but he nodded and they kept climbing.

“Hold on,” Rickston said. “Are we really going to ignore a potential resource simply because your blonde trophy wife has a ridiculous phobia of robots?”

Rose bristled, but the Doctor put a hand on her arm and she took a deep breath. Then he turned around and glared at Rickston.

“Rose Tyler is far more than a trophy wife, and I guarantee she’s smarter than you. She’s been my partner for almost five years, and her instincts are hardly ever wrong. They’ve saved our lives more than once. She’s right; we do have a history with robots designed to look like various holiday characters trying to kill us. If she says the Host aren’t to be trusted, I will take her word for it. Now, come on.”

The Doctor felt Rose’s hand take his a moment later, and he squeezed automatically in greeting. Then she brushed a telepathic caress against the bond, and he glanced down at her.

Rose’s eyes glowed. Thank you, Doctor. That was… thanks.

Her gratitude lifted his mood, and he returned her telepathic caress. I won’t let people get away with talking about you like that. You’re brilliant, Rose—worth so much more than Rickston Slade.

Three important things here: Rose’s instincts keeping them safe, the growing animosity between herself and Rickston, and the hint at what her deepest trauma was. Obviously, the Doctor’s lingering fears are all about losing her, and he becomes very over-protective. But Rose never thought he was dead, so how did the Master leave her damaged?

From chapter 3:

“Bring him back!” Foon begged. “Can’t you bring him back? Bring him back, Doctor!”

Rose looked up at the Doctor, trying to understand the wild emotions he was projecting. He stared at the grieving woman, his eyes glassy with tears. His mouth worked a few times, but he couldn’t get any words out, and after a moment, he shook his head helplessly.

His emotions crystallised into grief, anger, and denial, and it only took her a second to realise he was caught in a flashback. When he held his arms out for Rose, begging her to come to him, she ran into her Doctor’s embrace.

She could feel him trembling when she wrapped her arms around him, and she pressed a kiss to his chest. I’m right here, Doctor, she promised. It’s just a memory.

He drew a shuddering breath. I know. But gods, Rose, I said the same things when I thought… when the Master…

Rose heard heavy metal footsteps in the corridor and pulled back to look the Doctor in the eye. You going to be all right?

He sniffed and nodded. I have to be.

And the flashbacks begin...

From chapter 4:

The Doctor took her hand, and she looked up at him. “Ready, Rose Tyler?” She nodded, and he tugged her away from the trio. “Run for your life!”

For the first time in all her years of running with the Doctor, the anxiety tightening in a band around her chest made it impossible for Rose to enjoy the adrenaline rush. Instead, she focused on breathing as they crossed the catwalk again, retraced their steps through the corridor and serving station where they’d rested, and went down the stairs they’d climbed less than an hour before.

At each landmark, she remembered another way she could have lost the Doctor. What if she hadn’t been so insistent on not repairing the Host? Or what would have happened if even one of the flying halos had hit its mark? It was too easy to imagine herself in Foon’s place, staring at the engine core and trying to convince herself that her husband wasn’t gone.

We’re going to be fine, Rose.

Her chest seized up, and Rose stumbled down the last few stairs. The Doctor caught her in his arms and put his hands on her shoulders, holding her at arm’s length and looking into her eyes.

“Breathe, love.”

Rose took a breath, but it caught in her throat on a sob. I can’t!

“You can, Rose.”

The Doctor closed his eyes and a moment later, Rose felt him in her mind, tugging at her anxiety, trying to get her to let go of it—or it to let go of her.

“Take a deep breath for me.”

He pressed his forehead to hers and breathed with her a few times. The gesture calmed her enough to obey his quiet command, taking one breath, and then another, until she was breathing easily.

The Doctor pulled back and brushed his thumbs against the apples of her cheeks. “All right there?” he asked tenderly.

Rose nodded and managed a shaky laugh. “I have to admit, this wasn’t what I had in mind for our evening.”

He shook his head. “Nor I. But, Rose Tyler, my partner in this crazy life we lead, I’m confident we can handle this the same way we do everything else.”

“Together,” Rose finished.

And continue.

From chapter 4:

Doctor, is there a setting on the sonic that would turn it into a remote control?

42b. Point it at the control panel, and it’ll transfer the control of the device to you.

[...]

Rose peered around the forklift and snarled at the sight of two Host dragging the Doctor away from Max Capricorn. She no longer cared if her plan was overkill. Max had used up all the second chances he was going to get.

“Not so clever now, Doctor,” Max taunted. “A shame we couldn’t work together. You’re rather good. All that banter, yet not a word wasted. Time for me to retire. The Titanic is falling. The sky will burn. Let the Christmas inferno commence. Oh. Oh, Host,” he sang out. “Kill him.”

“Oi, Max!” Rose shouted as the Host removed their halos.

Every head swivelled around to look at Rose, and she started the forklift up and drove it directly at Max.

“You look a little stuck,” she told him as the forks caught under his life support system. “Mind if I give you a lift?” Max frowned, and the engines on his little scooter box revved, keeping him in place.

“Rose, duck!” the Doctor yelled, and she dodged just in time to avoid being hit by a halo.

She grunted when she hit the deck and rolled, but held onto her sonic screwdriver. However, her momentary distraction had allowed Max to inch forward, pushing against the forklift.

“Oh, no you don’t.” Rose thumbed the controls, lifting the forks. His eyes, one blue and the other glassy and sightless, widened when he realised he’d lost. Rose pressed her lips into a tight smile. “Mr. Capricorn!” she yelled. “I hope you have a nice trip.”

I couldn’t save hardly anyone in this story. The deaths are all really integral to the plot. But I could save Astrid, because if Rose is with the Doctor, Astrid doesn’t feel as much like he needs someone to help him. 

From chapter 5:

The Doctor stood stock still while Rickston pulled him into a tight hug, and Rose had to put her hand over her mouth to hide her smile at the nonplussed look on his face.

“The funny thing is,” Rickston commented as he released the Doctor and stepped back, “I said Max Capricorn was falling apart. Just before the crash, I sold all my shares, transferred them to his rivals. It’s made me rich. What do you think of that?”

Rose’s anger with the wealthy businessman finally boiled over. “I’ll tell you what I think, Harry,” she snarled. “I think you’re a self-centred, egotistical bastard who needs to learn that other people matter just as much as you do. People died today, and all you can think about is your bank account. What kind of cold, heartless…” She growled incoherently, gesturing in the air.

Rickston narrowed his eyes, and Rose welcomed his attack. She wouldn’t hold back.

“Who’s Harry?” he asked.

“What?” Rose’s knees locked and she swayed dangerously.

The Doctor wrapped an arm around her waist before she could fall. “Rickston, don’t you have a phone call or something to make? Blood money to celebrate?”

The businessman crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head, but his vone went off before he could argue. With one last glare at the Doctor and Rose, he walked a few steps away from them to take the call.

Rose blinked furiously, trying to hold tears back. “I…”

“You called him Harry, love,” the Doctor said quietly. He pulled her close and she rested her head on his chest, letting his double heartbeat soothe her.

The events of the day played back in Rose’s mind, each time Rickston had belittled her or been rude and unpleasant and self-centred. She closed her eyes tightly, but that couldn’t stop the memories, or the tears that seeped out from under her eyelids.

There we go. The Doctor has flashbacks to when he thought she was dead, and Rose struggles with the memory of how the aster constantly belittled her, making her feel like she wasn’t good enough to be the Doctor’s bond mate.

Once they get back on the TARDIS, she has a major panic attack. And the Doctor has a panic attack because he can’t figure out where she is.  

From chapter 5:

“Doctor?” Rose tapped his knee, and he looked down at her.

“I think we need to take some time off from the running,” he told her. “We keep telling people that we’re just travellers; let’s just be travellers. No danger; no running.”

Rose was already shaking her head. “No, we don’t… I can… that’s not…” She sighed, then licked her lips and started over. “I’m okay,” she promised him. “This was only a… a temporary hangup.”

“You’re not okay, love,” the Doctor said softly.

“No no, you can’t do this to me,” she insisted. “I’m not weak.”

The Doctor briefly wished there were a way to bring the Master back to life long enough to curse him for playing so expertly on all of Rose’s insecurities. Then he focused back on the conversation and his bond mate.

“Weakness has nothing to do with it,” he told her. “And I’m not suggesting this only for your sake, Rose. We were traumatised—both of us.”

[...]

“I wish I hadn’t insisted we go on the Titanic,” Rose said as she leaned her head against his shoulder. “We could’ve stayed home, had a perfectly nice evening in.”

The TARDIS was clearly in favour of the new plan to take it easy, and the Doctor had been trying to figure out why she had taken them to the Titanic if she thought they needed a break. Rose’s mumbled words finally gave him a possible answer.

“Yeah,” he agreed as he tilted his head, resting it against hers. “But I think… I think we needed to go through something like this to be convinced that we needed time off.”

[...]

“Doctor?” Rose tugged on the hem of her pyjama top.

“Yeah?”

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?”

His smile slipped away, and he wrapped his arms around her. “Oh, Rose. We are going to be more than okay—we are going to be fantastic.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “It’s going to take some time, that’s all.”

So, the decision is made. They’re going to take a break from the running from danger lifestyle to work through the trauma caused by their ear with the Master.

[buri-art]

Detective Genius: Part 7 of 8

Chapter Seven: The Justice-Selling Nurse and the Case of the Stinky Stairs

Synopsis: Yoon is a financially struggling nurse and recognizes a trauma victim, Taejun, as someone from his boarding house. The victim’s brother, Kyoga, suspects foul play and offers Yoon money to figure out who caused this. The landlord, Soo-won, discourages Yoon from getting involved, but in order to support himself and his adoptive father Ik-soo, Yoon investigates the suspicious other residents--and then some. Genre: Modern Day AU, (Attempted!?) Murder Mystery in Classic ‘Who Done It?’ Style, General. Could be read as comedy, drama, or melodrama. Words: 2,357 Warnings: I don’t kill anyone, but I do make them suffer a little (sorry, Taejun, somebody had to be the victim). Probably nothing that would make people squeamish, as the focus is on the plot. Find the other chapters in the master post.

------------

I was momentarily stunned. Why would anyone punch Jaeha in the face? Was it Hak? Did Hak have a reason to keep Jaeha out of this? 

Ik-soo looked over at me with a struggle but also a doubt about where I had disappeared to and said, “Sorry, Yoon, I was trying to tell him you need your rest and he should take him to the hospital instead…”

“Where is he?” I asked Kija, ready to get to work. We left Ik-soo behind and took the elevator up to the fifth floor, and because Kija had left the door unlocked, we wasted no time in getting in. His room was full of white furniture so basic that it seemed no one had ever taught him the meaning of decorating, so Jaeha’s sprawling form on his bed stuck out like a cactus in a barren dessert. His left cheek was swollen, and he was moaning and holding his stomach as he rolled this way and that. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, and he didn’t seem to notice when we came in.

I didn’t know where to start, and looked to Kija for answers.

He gulped and stared at the man on his bed. “I had a bad feeling about him and found him in the stairwell,” he said as I got to work assessing Jaeha’s vitals and helping myself to Kija’s miniature fridge to find something cold to put against his cheek. Kija went on, “His room was locked, so I carried him back up here.”

“You carried him?”  

“Yes,” he said, changing tones as he caught me staring at him. “He said he heard something in the stairs and went to check it out, so that’s where I found him around the 4th floor. I went down the staircase first, but then when I couldn’t get in, I went back up here, and then back down to get your help.”

“You carried him by yourself, up the stairs?”

“Yes. Is that strange? Oh, I suppose it is, I should have used the elevator.”

“This isn’t making any sense, Kija. Back up and slow down.”

Jaeha howled with pain and clenched his stomach tighter. Kija took a breath and started over. “He came up here a couple hours ago to tell me about everything with Hak and Taejun. We talked for maybe an hour or so. He’s a pretty nice guy once you get to know him. Then when he said he was going back to his room, he said said he heard something and he wanted to check it out. He was already acting strange before that, though.”

“How so?”

He frowned as he pondered. “He was acting very loose and friendly with me.”

“Can you be any more specific?”

“Leaning against the wall like he couldn’t stand up straight, keeping his face very close to me. Touching my hair. Then he started shaking his head and moving away and laughing, and muttering something under his breath like his was confused, and then some sound caught his attention so he stopped, and then told me to go to bed while he looked for clues. I went back to my room, but for some reason, it bothered me.

“I’ll say.”

“Then I think I heard a loud noise, and that was when I ran down to check.”

“Did you see anyone else there?”

“No.”

I lowered my voice. “Have you seen Hak at all?”

“No, not since yesterday.”

Jaeha grimaced and sweat poured down his face. “It wasn’t Hak,” he squeezed out.

“Hey, you’re alive. Who was it, then?”

“Some… big guy…”

“Big guy?”

“…Nice ‘n… scruffy… like a pira---bleeghh!”

Kija and I scrambled to get Jaeha to the bathroom over the toilet. As he bowed before the porcelain throne, I looked back to Kija. “Were you guys drinking up here or something?”

“No, we only had some snacks.”

“A punch in the face shouldn’t do this. If it wasn’t alcohol, then my best guess is poison.”

“Poison!? He’s been poisoned!?”

I didn’t give myself half a second to think about it, but it sounded plausible—after all, we were already trying to track down an attempted murderer, why wouldn’t they try some other methods if someone was on their trail? “They tried to silence him!?”

“But… but who would have had poison? P… poison comes from plants, right?”

“Yuno! Oh, gods, but why would Yuno poison him?”

“Yuno? She’s the woman across from Yona on the fourth floor, right?”

Jaeha mumbled and stirred, his eyes were unfocused and his head was unsteady. “That’s right, her name’s Yuno… I think…”

Kija and I drew closer. “You think…?”

“I think I…”

“You what?”

He squinted, staring out at the distance. “I think I was flirting with her boyfriend.”

“…wait. You mean Geun-tae?”

“Uh-hhmmnn.”

“Jaeha! How lewd! No wonder she poisoned you!”

“No! No, wait, wait, stop!” I shouted. “Yuno wouldn’t do that. Geun-tae probably punched you thinking you’re the pervert who had been bothering her.”

“Wha...?”

“Jaeha!” gasped Kija. “You’re a pervert?”

“Actually, now that I think about it, you probably are. Her room is right above yours, so she probably overheard those porn DVDs.”

“Pornography!?”

“Hey!” snapped Jaeha. “Those are works of art! And I only bring over consenting, conscious adults—bleeeggghhh—”

“For crying out loud,” I slapped a hand against my forehead. “He obviously didn’t consent. Why were you flirting with him in the first place? Was this really an appropriate time?”

“I don’t know,” he whimpered into the toilet. “I don’t even know. He’s not even my type! Ohhhh, just let me diiiiiie.”

“Don’t die in my bathroom!”

Jaeha yelled again in pain as he clenched his stomach, and I opened my mouth to tell him he’d be fine when--

“Who’s dying?”

“Ahh!” Kija and I both jumped. Hak was standing in the bathroom doorway, looming over us with his arms folded and a scowl across his face. Kija stood right up to face him with a claw-like fingernail against his chest. “Hak! What are you doing wandering into my room?”

“You’re the one who left the door open and started making all that racket. What’s going on here?”

“I’m die… dying…”

Hak gave Jaeha a calculating glance, then glared back at Kija. “What did you feed him?”

“Feed him? You think I’m the one who would poison him?”

“Yes!” he barked back. “What did you bring back from your grandmother this time?”

“This time?” I looked between the two of them. “Kija, what snacks did you and Jaeha have?”

“White Dragon Cookies, from my granny.”

Hak marched into the kitchenette and came back with a white box laden with tissue paper. “Are these them?”

“Yes. But don’t do anything to them, I haven’t had one yet.”

“That’s why you’re not the one with your head in a toilet!”

“Let me see those,” I stood up, then took a whiff of one of the thumb-sized sweets. For cookies, they were very shiny. The noxious smell immediately made me light-headed and recoil from the box. “Ungh! Ahgh! What is in those?”

“Granny only said they were baked with love.”

“Ahhhhh!!” Jaeha screamed, his eyes wide and fang-like teeth gleaming. “They were an aphrodisiac! No wonder! Uunghh!”

“Whatever they were, they’re rancid now. No wonder Jaeha got sick. Why did you even put those in your mouth?”

Kija fumed. “Don’t insult my granny’s cooking!”

“Insult them?” Hak’s eyes flared. “Whatever you brought home last week was even worse. What was that candy supposed to be?”

“Candy?” I darted my glance back to Kija, who was starting to shrink away under everyone’s stares.

“It was… last week I was felt like I was going to catch a cold, so she gave me cough drops.”

“Cough drops are medicine, Kija! Hak,” I looked back at him. “Did you eat one?”

“Yes. I left it on my counter and then noticed it again on Tuesday, so I popped it in my mouth and didn’t think anything of it. It started kicking in a couple hours later,” he trailed off, cheeks blushing as he called to mind the events of that day.

Kija’s face went as white as his sheets. “Oh… Oh, Hak, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Those have a very short shelf-life. I should have told you to eat it right away that night, on Saturday.”

Hak looked wild-eyed at Kija. “You knew they’d do that?”

“I-I don’t know what it did to you, but knowing how a few of my cousins reacted to them while we were growing up, I…”

“Kija!” I yelled. “What is your grandmother, some kind of drug distributor?”

“No, she’s a chemist.”

“Damn it, Kija! It’s your fault I’m getting treated like I’m a criminal!”

“But you are!” he clenched his hands into fists and shouted back. “We all know what you did to Kan Taejun!”

“Kija—”

Hak was silent. I started to shake as I looked between them. If Hak wanted to, he could very easily put a hole through any of our faces. Even Jaeha was looking more nervous than pained as he stared up, waiting for someone to speak again. Hak blinked, then said, “You mean that I punched him?”

“Aha!” Kija shouted. “You admit it! You’re the one who beat him up in the alley last night!”

“Kija, stop—”

“I won’t stand for getting accused of something I didn’t do,” Hak glared back. “I haven’t even seen him since I hit him on Tuesday.”

“Wait!” I shouted, putting my hands up between them. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Now let’s all sit down and sort this out calmly, please.”

**********

We relocated back to Kija’s bed. Kija and Hak dragged Jaeha back over and I helped to make him more comfortable. He seemed like he was in a little less pain than before, but his face was still green with misery. I asked if he was going to be sick again and said, “Yoon, you stink.”

“Sorry. I haven’t had a chance to shower yet.”

“Kind of like… the stairs…” he trailed off and closed his eyes.

Hak paid close attention and Kija stayed respectfully quiet as I explained Taejun’s injury, Soo-won’s approach to the situation, Joon-gi’s recollection of the details, as well as Jaeha’s recollection that Yona and Taejun had been arguing.

Kija’s fist tightened. “He’s such a slimy jerk. I hate to say it, but he had it coming.”

“Punching him felt good, I’ll admit.”

“Let’s start there,” I suggested. “Hak, you ate the cough drop from Kija on Tuesday morning, correct?”

“A little before lunch, yeah.”

“And then it started making you antsy a couple hours later, so you went for a run, right?”

“Yes.”

“Kija, was this also the day you came home to find Taejun bothering Yona in the elevator, right?”

“Yes. It was around 4:15. I yelled at him and he was spooked and ran out the front door. I offered to help Yona more, but she said she didn’t need me because she has Hak.”

He perked up. “She said that?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“And Hak, around what time did you punch Taejun?”

“Probably around 4:15.”

“And neither of you have seen him since?”

“No.”

“I haven’t, but how can we believe you, Hak? Yoon talked to Soo-won, and he said you two have conflicting alibis!”

Hak raised an eyebrow to me. “Come again?”

“When I asked where you were yesterday evening, you said you were working out. Soo-won didn’t know how you answered and said you were in his room.”

“And you were in a rush to shower when you got back last night—very suspicious!”

Hak looked befuddled for a moment, but then he hit his fist in his palm. “Ah! I see what you mean. I was in Soo-won’s room. He got a treadmill and weight set and invited me to go try them out with him. I was all sweaty after using the treadmill.”

“Oh, really?” blinked Kija. “I knew his apartment was bigger. It really fits that much?”

“Yeah. I didn’t think it would, but it’s a nice set-up.”

“Oh. Maybe he’ll let me try it out sometime too.”

“How about Yona?” I asked. “Did either of you talk to Yona since the incident with Taejun on Tuesday?”

Hak frowned. “I talked to her later that night, but I was still feeling weird. I…” he averted his eyes and turned red, “I was getting in her business too much. At one point I pinned her against the wall.”

“You what!?”

“Down, Kija! Was that it, Hak?”

“Yeah. That was when I knew something was wrong with me, and I went to sleep early after that.”

“Have you seen her since then?”

“I tried to apologize to her on Thursday. She didn’t want to hear it.”

“Was that all?”

He frowned and continued in a lower voice. “I tried to find out who she’s been hanging out with lately. She doesn’t want to say who.”

“That’s none of your business anyway,” Kija scoffed.

“I was worried about her safety! Anyway, we argued again, so I haven’t seen her since.”

“I haven’t run into her either.”

“And what about the pervert?” Hak pointed to Jaeha.

“I’m pretty sure he hasn’t talked to her or to Taejun,” I said. “But I talked with her in her apartment this morning.”

Hak sharpened his glance at me. “And?”

“They did have some kind of argument. Yona didn’t want to talk about it,” I said, feeling my words get quieter as I tumbled toward what was sounding closer and closer to the truth. “But a homeless person who witnessed it happen in the alley did.” I pulled out the shard in my pocket to show them and finished, “He said this was what hit Taejun. It came from the fourth story window.”

Kija simply stared, but Hak pursed his lips and fell into his own thoughts. I gulped and waited for his response.

“We should go down and talk to Yona.”

“I agree.” “What? Right now?” Kija looked between us. “It’s so late! I don’t get it. Why?”

“You stay here with Jaeha. We’ll take care of this.”