#sorry for making that happy carnival picture weird and less happy

[czigonas]

Saw this image of Soap and Ghost enjoying the spoils of a carnival/fair and my brain immediately went instead to Actually They Are Both Carnies AU.

(I am going to preface this by saying I am much more familiar with American traveling carnie lifestyles rather than the UK [do they... even do those over there?] or anywhere else, so that's what I'm basing this on. This is set vaguely late 80s-early 90s in my mind.)

Ghost has been working as a carnie for a very long time. He basically grew up on the fair circuit, helping his dad as soon as he was old enough to carry things and count out change (and do a little pick-pocketing on the side).

Old Man Riley runs a ring toss booth, though not well. He's constantly on the bad side of the man that owns the ring toss trailer but they keep him on the job because, when he's sober, he's charming enough to pull people in and keep them playing. Problem is, he's increasingly not sober. Simon's tall for his age though, so, as soon as they can pass him off as 14 (he's about 9 or 10), the lead has a few of the other barkers teach him how to draw people in. Look charming, smile wide, get them to see you as a friend, play the part and get paid. Simon hates it, but he does what he's told because it keeps his mom and Tommy housed and fed.

(Lead's wife is pretty good about keeping odd jobs set aside for Simon's mom at any time of day she needs to escape. Lead's wife can't interfere every time, but she and a couple of the other carnies do try to minimize the abuse by offering legitimate ways to get away for a short time.)

As Simon and Tommy grow, Old Man Riley steps back more and more. He's almost never sober anymore and rarely seen anywhere near the booth-fronts. He's a terror in the back lots, and burns through a lot of the goodwill the rest of the family manages to generate among their fellows. Tommy starts being trained up taking tickets at a fun house, and he's good at it. He's not as conventionally pretty as Simon, but he's flirtier, more attuned to crowd moods, and much more willing to bark, so he does well pulling.

As soon as Simon's 18, he joins the Army. He's always liked the travel aspect of carnie life, but he hates that it's seasonal work and the months and months of downtime. He never grew to enjoy having to put on the charming mask to draw in customers. Instead, he leaves with the lead's grudging blessing and a promise to his mom and Tommy to catch them up at whatever stop they're at whenever he has leave.

The Army is... nice. It's not necessarily a life he wants to live forever, but for now it's different and yet still enough like what he left behind to satisfy. He ends up having to take an extended leave right after basic to sort Tommy out, though. Drugs have always been passed around pretty openly around the booths and caravans, the the Riley boys had never partaken. His mum had sent a letter that Tommy had been getting into them and not handling it well. She doesn't say it outright, but Simon blames the old man.

He finds an unexpected ally in Beth, the daughter of the man widely acknowledged to be taking over as lead when the current one finally retires. It's not exactly an advantageous match for Beth's family, but she's stubborn and has made up her mind. She wants Tommy and she's going to have him so long as he wants her back. Together they get him clean and Simon gives the pair of them his blessing and a good chunk of the money he's saved over the years.

(Tommy uses it to buy his own caravan so he and Beth aren't imposing on their parents. They both agree Mrs Riley can stay whenever she needs. The old man has been getting worse the more he sinks into the drugs and drink. He'll need to be left behind soon, but no one can agree on where. There are a lot of jokes about ditches and empty fields. [A good number of them aren't jokes.])

Simon heads back to the Army with a lighter heart, ready to do his duty knowing his family is once again as safe and happy as he can make them. They exchange postcards and letters when they can, e-mails when they manage to find somewhere to send one from. Simon doesn't make it home in time for Joseph's birth, but he sees him as often as the leave schedule allows. Everything is good for a few years.

Then. Roba.

Ghost crawls out of his desert grave and, while the Army welcomes him back, they simply do not have a place in their ranks for a dead man. They want to forget the betrayal by one of their own and the loss of a whole unit of promising soldiers; sweep it under a rug and never speak of the shame again. Ghost gets an honorable discharge and several discreet leads to a few PMCs and even the CIA if he wants to stay fighting near the front lines. He doesn't.

Instead, he goes home. He takes what's left of his belongings, the rest of his pay, the survivor benefits in the name of Simon Riley's next of kin, and the hush money check thinly disguised as a pension and goes to find his family. He finds them happy, safe, and sound. Joseph is thriving under the attentions of both Mama Riley and Beth's parents. Tommy's in charge of a handful of booths now, and Beth is running their section of the back lots as well as any sergeant Ghost's ever known.

He gets himself a little trailer to sleep in so he's not imposing and slides back into the crew so easily it's almost as though he never left. Except now he has a mask he won't remove for anyone. The lead sets him up doing mostly setup/tear down, but supplements his time with stalking the fun houses and dark rides to make sure no one's slipped off into a corner trying to get frisky or burn the place down.

Sparks and Washington, when they show up, don't make it far into their convoluted revenge/enticement plot against Ghost. Tommy ends up losing an eye and an unlucky witness gets Sparks' knife to the ribs, but at least they'll both live. The same can't be said for the two ex-Army men.

The carnies close ranks when the authorities show up. They blame the injuries on an after hours party trick that got a little out of hand and accept medical treatment, but offer no information that would lead to any charges being filed against anyone. When they move on to the next show, they leave behind two unmarked graves that will lay undiscovered on those grounds for decades to come.

(The road out of town ends up with one of its own, and Old Man Riley is guaranteed not to bother anyone any further. The crew doesn't take lightly to rats.)

Life slowly crumbles its way back to a semblance of normal. A few stops later, they pick up a few new additions. One of them happens to be a brash Scottish man who comes highly recommended by the head of another crew named Price. Johnny "call me Soap" MacTavish immediately gets on Beth's good side (and Ghost's annoyed one, much to his chagrin).

Still, this Soap guy is kinda growing on him. Just a little.

[somerpmemes]

The Owl House Starters

Change as needed

“No! My only weakness! Dying!”

“That doesn’t count, right?”

“Do you have any friends? Real ones?”

“Tiny trash thief!”

“Oops, that happens sometimes.”

“I’m a squirmy little fella.”

“I like food, I like love, just let me write about it!”

“Oh, he gets so cute when he’s thirsty for power.”

“I’ve never actually broken any of your stupid laws… in front of you.”

“I hate everything you’re saying right now.”

“We’d be the strongest power couple ever.”

“Self-doubt is a prison you can never escape from.”

“Anyways, let’s bounce before any more monsters fall in love with me.”

“I am not your cutie pie!”

“No one wants an un-oiled snake.”

“Remember, never befriend a man in sandals and always measure twice, cut once.”

“Be back by nightfall or risk mortal peril!”

“I know I’ve had enough delight for one day.”

“Sorry to break it to you, ___, but no one here is that well-dressed.”

“This has been a rough day.”

“Big houses always belong to big whack jobs.”

“Today just got good.”

“Wizards are just old people with glitter in their pockets.”

“Anyways, your food is gone and we are too.”

“Never trust a man in casual drapery.”

“All that mean-spirited laughter made me sleepy.”

“I don’t like this. I really don’t like this.”

“All your food was so tiny and cute.”

“If you can think of a better plan I’d love to hear it.”

“Betrayed by my own cool accessories.”

“I didn’t have to be part of this!”

“I… don’t like this.”

“I think I’ll head home and look at pictures of animals that are still… alive.”

“Wow, you’re so unnoticeable I almost rolled into you.”

“It’s okay, the thorns only went through a few layers of skin.”

“Alright, into the darkness you go.”

“Oh my god, I haven’t eaten real food in so long please give me some.”

“You can’t just cut open a human, can you?”

“Keeping junk in my pocket saved my life!”

“Ahh, baby’s first wanted poster.”

“Even demons have inner demons.”

“This is my paying attention face.”

“Look, now we’re boo boo buddies.”

“It’s like a rainbow, but looking at it turns you inside out.”

“I respect your cunning but I also hate you for it.”

“Oh, gross. Can I keep that?”

“This is terrifying, so why do you look so happy?”

“Oh no, a twist!”

“I’m kind of over that nickname, but okay.”

“Oh, what lovely thing do we have here? It’s just so dang shiny, oh my.”

“And look, I drew flip book.”

“I will literally do anything to stop this.”

“If I’m seen, I could go to jail… again.”

“Alright, let’s see this mess.”

“That’s probably fine.”

“Time to prepare for bloodshed.”

“Welcome down to my level!”

“I know I should be repulsed but that look is fierce.”

“I’m gonna steal everything that’s not nailed down!”

“I was up all night poison tasting and, for some reason, I don’t feel great.”

“I need an extra pair of eyes looking out for pickpockets. And an extra pair of hands in case I want to pickpocket.”

“I got leaves in my pants. And I like it.”

“I was a strange child.”

“You think this can stop me? I can still bite your ankles.”

“If you’re gonna eat me, just do it now!”

“___, you’re getting all swoony again.”

“Rivals are meant to be annihilated, not befriended.”

“Witches eating babies is so 1693.”

“Ugh, you.”

“I thought we were as cool as cucumbers but we’re as sour as pickles.”

“Whoa, I almost passed out.”

“It’s been hours, how can it keep screaming!?”

“Say that again and I steal your tongue.”

“Keep going, this is fun to watch.”

“Isn’t that taking it a bit too far?”

“Just go away before things somehow get worse!”

“This never happened.”

“And who doesn’t like their name in lights?”

“That’s the incorrect reaction!”

“I smell an easy mark.”

“Well, I hate her.”

“It’s like demonic possession with the ones you love.”

“This is just like my favorite early 2000’s movie!”

“I’m so old… and pointy.”

“I’ve got some very confusing emotions right now.”

“My life’s not a joke! But yours is!”

“Novelty costumes are where I draw the line.”

“I am not above disrespecting my elders.”

“This vacation just took an alarming, back-alley turn.”

“Geez, I thought I’d like being babied. But I feel small and helpless, like some sort of baby.”

“Hey, take this, society!”

“I didn’t like her telling me what to do before, but now I love it!”

“Let’s go let out some teen angst!”

“This is how the cool kids ride. Super backwards, on purpose.”

“Your life is pretty terrible. But, hey, it’ll probably be over soon.”

“This is some of my best work, really captures the shame.”

“That’s sweet, kid. Now let’s never speak of this again.”

“Show, don’t tell, man.”

“Oh, look what you did. I’m gonna go rub it in.”

“That seems like a potential problem to me.”

“You being the razzle, I’ll bring the dazzle.”

“Do you always have confetti on you or—?”

“You’re just gonna be unhelpful, huh?”

“Okay, time to run for no particular reason!”

“Oof, I’ve had this nightmare before.”

“Like I’d actually apologize.”

“I want power, and I want drama.”

“Are you ready to give up?”

“I was afraid, I acted stupid.”

“I just wish you told me the truth.”

“You know, it didn’t taste as bad as I thought I would.”

“Impressive, still alive.”

“This is a throne worthy of a tyrant!”

“No, no, keep those sticky hands away.”

“No one wants to see that.”

“Since when are you into sports?”

“Gross, sympathy.”

“Don’t spend all night plotting revenge.”

“Oh, this is an interesting development.”

“I’ll take that weird grumble as a yes.”

“I’m feeling confident about this plan.”

“Trust must be earned.”

“If you run, you’ll just make it harder for yourself!”

“Your pride has destroyed you.”

“So tiny, so angry.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be clean again.”

“If you ever want to search for the truth, I’ll help you.”

“Aww, that’s a horrible lie.”

“Partake of my free snack samples!”

“Why isn’t anyone paying attention to me?”

“A, eww. B, I’m bored. C, I feel like pickpocketing some dork while they browse.”

“I know my good angle.”

“Ugh, what are the basement dwellers doing out in natural sunlight?’

“Hey, there’s more to life than shipping.”

“___, I know you’re trying to help, but I think you’re crossing a line.”

“Ooh, I love punching.”

“You’re ominous, and I like it.”

“And of course you would be here just to be a nuisance.”

“I wanted to compare sunglasses.”

“Fame can really box you in, you know?”

“Besides, if anyone’s putting you down it’s gonna be me.”

“If it’s disappointing in any way I’ll spend the rest of my life trashing it.”

“He scammed us. Can you believe he scammed us?”

“Good entrance. But that outfit? Hah!”

“I’ve got a new crush and her name is education!”

“Ahh, fresh garbage.”

“I have never seen such an extravagant earring.”

“Wow, a surprisingly peaceful domestic moment. When will it be ruined?”

“Weaponizing my pride, well played.”

“Sorry, whoever’s over there!”

“Well, go on. Eat the snow.”

“Huh, it’s no fun if they don’t tremble.”

“Oh, okay, alright. Yup, an idea’s happening.”

“Shh! I don’t need your validation!”

“Get back here before that thing bites you!”

“No, we’re gonna die.”

“Cool. I didn’t actually think you could do it.”

“It’s not a secret.”

“Alright, your adorable banter is literally making me sick.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve seen worse.”

“Aww. I won’t be doing that, but thanks.”

“Quitting: it’s like trying, but easier.”

“You humans are filled with liquids, right?”

“I guess I have always liked pouring things into other things.”

“Time to scrounge through the trash.”

“I ain’t no desk jockey.”

“You don’t know diddly dang about squiddly squat!”

“I love secret rooms!”

“You have an aura of lies.”

“Also, you can eat trash.”

“Do the right thing, you dingus!”

“It just goes on like this for an hour.”

“Carnivals bring crowds and crowds bring suckers.”

“We’ve got scams to run.”

“I know poison when I see it.”

“You can’t scam a scammer.”

“You should really put a lock on your closet.”

“I love crimes!”

“Now this is my kind of weird.”

“That’s way safer than becoming blood brothers.”

“Beat up the man and steal his things for me.”

“This mama is ready for trauma.”

“All right. Approval!”

“Curse these stubby legs!”

“Sketchy carnival rides are not to blame this time.”

“___, you’re lucky I can’t be mad at your adorable antics.”

“Just when I thought I couldn’t respect the law any less…”

“Aww, what a supportive sign.”

“Yep, I just counted to one million.”

“Looks like we ruined his life for a second time.”

“I’ve always wanted to own a jagged piece of cheap metal.”

“Yes! Bread puns, bread puns forever!”

“Now I know what friendship tastes like.”

“I think today is a talons day.”

“It’s fun because it’s stupid.”

“I’ll admit, I was adorable.”

“Be careful with my brain.”

“Wouldn’t you rather talk about it?”

“That’s my motto after all, ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’”

“No schemes, no plots, no ruses. None.”

“I can’t believe I made him cry.”

“Are you solving a crime or about to commit one?”

“Sadly this is one problem crime can’t solve.”

“I’m supposed to choose someone interesting, accomplished, and noteworthy. People aren’t meant to be all those things!”

“Yup, her brain’s burned up real good.”

“Be still my fantasy-loving heart.”

“I’m pretty good at getting stuck inside people’s heads.”

“Hey, I found something magical.”

“I’ma put my face in it.”

“It’s like a little doghouse for angels.”

“If you’re handing out attention, I deserve it.”

“Eww, I mean, aww.”

“I really messed things up.”

“It’s eggs, it’s full of eggs.”

“No one turns down an interview with someone this pretty.”

“Me? Avoid? What? No. But let’s skip it.”

“There’s levels to me, kid. Levels I say!”

“Oh, right, I put people in there.”

“I’m gonna hug you so hard you’ll never forget me again!”

“I regret teaching you about the internet.”

“Ah, a severed hand. Perfect response.”

“Hmm, the demon at my shoulder makes a good point.”

“Always trust a shoulder demon.”

“The more I look at him, the more uncomfortable I get.”

“Man, you’ve got some quick grabbers.”

“I can’t wait to get overdressed, take awkward photos, push all the buttons!”

“We’re gonna turn this bloodbath into a fun bath.”

“Do you think I could pull off red eyeshadow?”

“Girl, you could pull off anything.”

“We’re style geniuses!”

“Ominous footsteps, creepy woods, this is no problem.”

“Dang, I look great.”

“___, you always go overboard and I end up bailing you out.”

“Now, what’s the fun in watching a kid get eaten by a monster if it’s my kid?”

“___, I don’t think you’re ready but we’re literally out of time.”

“Why so twitchy, witchy?”

“Teenagers are brutal. They’ll boo anyone and that kind of public humiliation will stick with you for life.”

“You look nice. Strange, but nice.”

“Honestly, I’m kind of amazed with how fearless you are.”

“You’ve done things I could never do.”

“Thing is, you’re sitting in my personal chitchat zone, which means you gotta talk.”

“I am a little weirdo.”

“You gotta pander.”

“Cheating a isn’t anything to brag about.”

“Well, can’t reason with crazy!”

“I’ve been talking for too long.”

“Feeling sentimental?”

“I love water.”

“I don’t know much about sports but I do know about sports movies.”

“What happens in the montage stays in the montage.”

“Not everything can be solved with a good attitude and a dope movie soundtrack.”

“Sorry, I just really love backstories.”

“You just destroyed your social life.”

“That’s such a stupid rule!”

“You’re not gonna show this to anyone, right?”

“I haven’t forgotten what you promised me.”

“Ahh, you’re a thorn in my side but you always dig your way into my heart.”

“Jeez, you’re morbid.”

“Ahh, it’s a fate much worse than death if you think about it.”

“Please don’t make me regret taking you here.”

“Love me a properly ventilated castle.”

“I spy with my little eye something coming this way!”

“I’m going away and I don’t know if I can come back this time.”

“And  ___, thank you, for being in my life.”

“I want her back as much as you do.”

“Don’t look at me like that, this is for your own good.”

“Ah farts, I got caught.”

“You understand, don’t you?”

“Please tell me that’s not as bad as it sounds.”

“To be great, you have to make sacrifices.”

“Ahh, ___, you chose the wrong side.”

“I like your spirit, but try that again and things won’t end well for you.”

“Go on, then. Go be a hero.”

“I may have lost but so have you.”

“I can teach you what I know, and what we don’t know we can learn together.”

[rudemaidenswrite]

Can I Join You?

Part 2

BY: @pusantheamazonian

Fandom: Stranger Things          Jim Hopper X Reader

Part 1

It's been a few days since the carnival ended and your brother has left for the next town. And you have not seen nor heard from Jim either. You knew it was just a fling that would never get off the ground. He has a teenager at home. That alone will cause more chaos than trying to get back into the dating scene. So in a weird angry habit, you decided to bake cookies when you got off work.

El’s curiosity is still high about Y/N. With a plan she hides in the bathroom after school with Max guarding the door. Sitting on the floor, the radius tuned to static, faucets running and a handkerchief over her eyes. Taking deep slow breaths she's able to focus and locate Y/N. 

In the black nothingness Y/N appears, standing alone in a kitchen. Walking closer El is able to tell you're making cookies and singing along to the radio.

"Y/N?" El whispers but your sudden turn towards her threw off the connection. "Damnit!"

"You okay?" Max poke her head in.

"I'm fine." Grumbling El pulls the handkerchief down. 

"Did you find her?" Max asks sitting next to El.

"Yes, she even looked at me like she heard me."

"Weird. So what now?"

"Time to see her."

~

Opening the door you're surprised to see Jane for several reasons. 

1. It's a school night. 

2. You didn't tell Jim where you live. 

3. This was not how you expected to officially meet her.

"Jane what are you doing here?" Confused you are staring at a determined thirteen year old.

"Visiting. May come in?"

"Okay… does your father know you're here?" Absently you move to the side and let her in.

"Do you have any cookies?"

 "Yeah, why don't you sit at the table. I'll get you some. Do you want some milk?" Pointing off to the side at the table.  You instantly know that this child is smarter than she leads people to believe. 

"Yes please." 

You watch her sit at the table and wait for you. Jane stares at everything. Placing the milk and cookies in front of her you should probably know the real reason she's here.

"Jane-"

"El." She quickly interrupts while picking up a cookie.

"What?"

"I go by El."

"Ok El.” Sitting across from her you pick up your own cookie. “Do you want to tell me the real reason you hitchhiked 18 miles after school to my place?"

You watch her nervously curl inwards before responding.

"Dad and history class." 

"Why don't we start with history class." You quickly pick option two.

El nods and pulls out her book and folder. 

"There's a test next week and I don't understand anything." Handing you an outline. "Dad sucks at helping me with homework."

"Growth and Expansion is basically about the major changes in the U.S. during the 1800’s. So the Industrial Revolution, the changing role of government, and development of foreign policy." Moving to a chair closer you keep the outline handy.

As you go over the information with her you lose all complete track of time. You just happen to look at the clock to see the time.

"Shit!"

"What?" Frightened El looks for the danger.

"It's almost seven. We gotta get you home." You are up and out the chair. You need a plan.

"Why?"

"Why? El it's a school night and I bet you didn't tell your dad you were going to be home late." You're trying to process the carelessness of this child. Jim is in over his head. 

"I did not."

"Well do you want me to call him so he can come get you or you want me to take you home?" 

"Can you take me?" El pleads with her best frowny face.

"Yes but you'll have to give me directions."

"Okay." El packs her stuff up while you make her a snack baggie for tomorrow. That's filled with cookies and a separate bag for Jim. 

In the car El stares out the window bobbing along to the music. 

"So what is going on with your dad that you had to see me?" Reaching you turn the music down. Time to bite the bullet. 

"He likes you but thinks that I don't understand the complications of dating a single parent. He is being chicken. Mike explained it to me."

"You've definitely thought about this." Well if that’s not a child being a wingman you don't know what is. She definitely cares about his happiness. 

"It would be nice to see someone regularly at home. He works late and forgets the time."

"Well you'll just have to light a fire under his ass. In my experience single parents are the slowest moving people ever. Stubborn and grumpy." Chuckles you spare a glance.

"Your experience?"

"I was raised by a single dad too. Growing up it was just dad, my two older brothers and me." Reaching into your purse and pulling out your wallet. You open it to the pictures and hand it over.

"Mom?" El slowly flips through them.

"Don't know. She left one day, decided that she didn't want a family anymore." Shrugging it’s an odd thing that has always bugged you. 

"Sorry."

"Don't be dad eventually remarried and I got an awesome new mom and a little brother." You motion for her to keep flipping.

"New mom?"

"Yes."

"Mama… is not well. Dad let's me visit every couple of weeks. She lives with Aunt Becky."  Frowning, she puts your wallet back in your purse.

"It's nice that you visit her. I bet it makes her happy even if she can't show it."

"I hope so." She gives you a small hopeful smile.

El has you driving to the outskirts of Hawkins. Alongside a gravel road, turning onto a hidden dirt driveway. Pulling up you see the cabin setting on the hill.  You also see Jim walking frustratedly to his truck.

"He beat you home."

"Shit." She whispers seeing him too.

Honking your horn, he turns around making eye contact. As you nod to the passenger seat. There's a wave of relief for a split second before he walks closer.

"Next time you need help with homework. Just tell me, it's dangerous to be walking alone." You make sure to say loudly once you both are out of the car. Hoping to dampen the punishment.

"Jane." Jim grumbles, angrily throwing his cigarette. 

"See stubborn and grumpy. Just like I said." Nodding at him you give her a wink.

El laughs. "I like her." Jim sends El a furious look, which causes her to head directly inside. "Bye Y/N."

"Bye." Waving you watch her head up the hill before walking to Jim who has started pacing. "She's a firecracker but a good one." 

"Thanks for bringing her home. Where did you find her?" Huffing he runs a hand through his hair, still trying to calm down. 

"I opened my door and there she was. Don't know how she figured out where I lived."

"God… thanks again."

"No problem and here." Diverting his attention you hand him the bag.

"Cookies?"

"Yeah I was making some before El showed up. It's like the smell drew her in."

"I'm surprised."

"About what?" Confused, why would he be surprised? You're a decent person of course you brought her home. 

"Jane's very standoffish, won't interact unless she likes you and knows you're a good person."

"Oh! Well that's a good thing, not wanting to be involved with bad people." Nodding that's understandable. 

"She likes you, be prepared to see her randomly." Shaking his head in disbelief. 

"That's okay we can talk about our feelings again."

"You talked about feelings?" 

You watch him visibly pause. Apparently it never occurred to him that El would want to talk about feeling to someone else.

"Yeah like how she wants you to be happy because you want her to be happy. Also about how single dads are stubborn and grumpy all the time."

"That's what that comment was about? I'm not grumpy and stubborn all the time."  Scoffing he straightens up.

"I doubt it, I know the grumpy and stubborn attitude pretty well." Teasing you mender back to your car. Leaving him to his own devices.

"How?"

"Like minds think alike. I was raised by a single father." Winking you climb into the driver’s seat.

~

In your comfiest pajamas and ready for bed, you're finishing up with brushing your teeth when there's a banging on the front door. It's almost 10pm, you didn't plan on anyone coming out. Looking out the peephole, you're surprised to see who it is. 

"Jim? What are-" Opening the door you don't know what to say.

Cutoff, Jim's mouth is on yours. Hands hold you close as he backs into the nearest wall. Your hands find their way into his hair. Pressed closely, you can taste the lingering cigarette. 

"You came all this way for a smooch?" Pulling away you can't help but to smile. 

"....Yes?"

"Uh huh. You know I'm not buying that, right?" It's obvious to you that he had no set plan. 

"I figured you would." Shrugging he keeps a flirty smile. "What would you say if I said that I had to see you tonight."

"I would say that you're probably crazy because I look like a goblin." Saying that you realize you should probably let go of him. 

"No you don't. I'm the mess. I have no idea how to raise a teenage girl and I've been a grumpy father for years."

"If you say so.” Chuckling it's becoming clear how much El acts like him. “You know the police showing up late at night to my place is going to start gossip."

"Why don't we give them something to actually talk about?" In boldness he steals another kiss. 

"Well I'm no expert on firearms but I do know that's not a gun in your pocket."

"And the cheesy wisecracks." With a defeated sigh he head falls into the crook of your neck.

"Don't expect anything less. I have my own repriatore of dad jokes." Pulling on his collar to redirect his attention. "If you're looking for a hint my bedroom is the door on the left." Nodding down the short hall.

Next thing you know, you're looking at the floor and his ass. It's a short trip, inside he shuts the bedroom door with his foot as he dumps you on the bed. Scooting upwards you pull him with you. There’s no way in hell you're letting him escape without something happen.

"Fuck. Do you have any idea how crazy you make me?" Mumbling he kisses his way down your throat. Stifling a whine, you're beginning to lose all coherent thought processes. Just his presence makes you feel all tingly. 

"Do you know how hard it was not to kiss you outside the restaurant?" Delighted in this turn of events. You make your own little confession. Now is not the time for soft, slow romance. This is needy, rough lovin that you both so clearly need. 

[sylvies-chen]

“Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you”

For brettsey 🥰

She should have seen it coming. 

It isn’t a huge conversation, really. She’s sitting on a fancy chair in a fancy restaurant for what is supposed to be a nice night out for her and Matt. It’s a beautiful restaurant with dim lights that just nail the whole romantic ambiance. But then, she gets a Facebook notification while they’re waiting for their food and sees Hope’s recent wedding photos to some random guy from Fowlerton, sending her shamefully stalking her Facebook page. It’s not like she had specifically planned to bring it up with him, but just. Ugh. Hope sure does bring out the worst in her. 

“Ugh, look at her stupid pretty flowers, and her stupid perfect dress,” she pouts while they sit at their table “Who has roses at their wedding anyway? Rich people, that’s who. My wedding is going to be strictly orchids.” 

“Wedding?” His eyebrows raise at his question.

She backtracks as fast as she can. “Oh, I- hypothetically, I mean.” 

He nods slowly, the awkwardness creeping up on them. 

“I’m sorry,” she knows she should stop herself, but she can’t help it as she asks, “do you, uh… do you not want to get married?” 

“Me? Uh- I mean… Well, we both have had pretty awful experiences with engagements and marriage. So… It just didn’t cross my mind.” 

“Really?” 

“... Nope.” She can’t tell if he’s imagining it but she swears something in his voice is off. 

“Oh… ok,” she nods, blinking back tears and just. She can’t believe what she’s hearing. “I just, uh. We’ve been dating three years now and I figured it was going somewhere. I guess I was wrong.” She can’t stop the tears from trickling off her cheek as she gets up from their table and grabs her coat. 

“Sylvie, wait,” she hears Matt plead as she grabs her coat and dashes. Her heart stings as she leaves the restaurant, the tears blurring her eyes as she fumbles for her keys in her purse. When she gets home, she orders a deep-dish pizza, still hungry after missing out on the food from the restaurant, and passes out on her couch almost immediately after two slices. 

The next morning, she wakes up to two missed calls from Matt. She grunts and puts her phone on silent, getting up from the couch to get breakfast. The only food she has in her fridge that isn’t rotten or expired is the cold, leftover cheese pizza from the night before, so she takes a slice for breakfast and prepares herself for a marathon of Property Brothers. Her relationship with Matt might be slowly crumbling before her eyes but hey, the Scott brothers can be the reliable men in her life from now on, right? 

Her phone keeps lighting up throughout the day with missed calls and texts from Matt. She doesn’t want to hear it. Not yet, at least. Working things out, if even possible, will take hard work and time, and she’s not ready for that yet. Hell, she doesn’t even know if working it out is possible. She’s got a lot of thinking to do and no willpower to do it. 

Two more days pass before her next shift. The second day, Stella and Mackey come over, yanking her off of her couch where she’s been sleeping for the past two days. She had tried to go up to her bedroom the first night but was too upset by the framed pictures on her nightstand of her and Matt. Their trip to Cabo, their first date, the time they went to a carnival. The memories make her head hurt with messy confusion and heartache, so she sleeps on her couch. 

Stella and Mackey drag her to a girl’s day out. They get their nails done and go out for lunch, but Sylvie can tell she’s being a drag when she keeps groaning at her phone. 

“Girl, he’s been calling you all day,” Stella pouts in sympathy for her best friend.

“Ugh, I know. I miss him,” she groans. “But this is just too hard. He basically said he didn’t want to get married! I mean, I know we both haven’t necessarily had the best luck in that department but… I thought we were heading somewhere, you know?” 

“I’m so sorry, Sylvie,” Mackey sighs, rubbing her shoulder tenderly. “You guys will get through this rough patch.” 

Sylvie nods in an attempt to muster up some hope but is unsuccessful. She hadn’t even realized how badly she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Matt Casey until he had told her he hadn’t thought about it. 

They pay for lunch an hour later, and Sylvie leaves feeling only slightly less shitty than she was when she first left the house. 

The morning of her shift after the fight, she’s still asleep on her couch when she gets a knock on her door. She figures it’s Casey, as he normally drives her to work on their shifts together. 

“Look, Matt, I know I haven’t responded to your calls in a few days but I really don’t—” She starts to call out to Matt as she pulls herself off the couch and stumbles on the way to the door. She opens the door though, and her prepared speech about needing more time and space is cut short when she sees Severide leaning against the doorway instead of Matt. 

“You look awful,” he kids.

“Thanks,” she rolls her eyes. “What are you doing here?” 

“Get dressed. I’m here to take you to work,” he shrugs and invites himself in. 

“I thought Stella was doing that.” 

“Nope. It’s me today. Special occasion.” 

“What special occasion is this, exactly?” 

“You’ll see when we get to work. I’m under strict orders not to say anything until we get there.” 

Sylvie hesitates for a moment. The chances of this not involving Casey are slim. Whatever brought about this weird turn of events feels important, but it makes her reluctant to give in. “If this has anything to do with Matt and what happened last time we spoke—”

“No! No,” he frantically exclaims, “Nothing to do with that. Just- come on, let’s go. We’re going to be late.” 

She runs into her room and throws on jeans and a t-shirt. It’s not the nicest outfit she owns but she’s going to get changed there anyways, so she grabs her bag and hops into Severide’s car. 

“You know, Matt loves you. A lot,” he comments as they park outside of the firehouse and jump out of the car. They had been silent the whole car ride and Sylvie’s about 100 steps away from the firehouse as he says it. “I’m sure his priorities are more similar to yours than you think they are.” 

“I doubt that but it’s fine,” she grumbles. 

They walk in through the apron and into the firehouse through the doors leading to the common room. Except as Sylvie walks alongside Severide, she notices that the lights are dimmer than usual. “Are you sure about that?” He retorts as they reach the entrance to the common room and find out why. 

Standing at the kitchen counter facing the entrance is Matt, surrounded by rose petals and lit candles as a soft, familiar Elvis ballad plays in the background on a radio. People are watching from the entrance in adoration, giving her encouraging nods and smiles. The scene is overwhelming and makes Sylvie tear up a bit as her bag falls off her shoulder and onto the ground. 

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” Matt’s voice is low and sweet as he smiles nervously at her. 

“Oh my god… did you do all of this,” she asks in a whisper, her breath watery and shaky with emotion. She’s absolutely speechless. And very underdressed.

“This was supposed to happen after our dinner the other night. It took a lot of convincing for the Chief to let me light these candles in here, what with the fire hazards and all, but he made an exception for an important cause.” She meets him halfway between the entrance and the kitchen, her heart feeling a pull towards him that’s almost magnetic. Severide and the rest of the firehouse are shuffling closer to the entrance as they watch the scene from afar. 

“The cause?” She knows the cause. Knows what’s coming next. She just wants to hear him say it, she needs to hear him say it.  

“Yeah.” Matt takes a deep breath in and exhales shakily before continuing. “I am so sorry, Sylvie.” Her heart is fluttering fast like a hummingbird as he takes her shaking hands in his own, his skin warm and soft to the touch. “I had this all planned out. I thought…” He starts to tear up and it makes the tears fall down Sylvie’s face even quicker as he powers through, his voice shaky and his eyes glossed with tears, “I thought that it mattered… where and when I would propose to you. I got so caught up in making everything perfect… that I nearly ruined everything. But you… you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And, if you’ll let me, I want to spend the rest of my life doing the same. So,” he pauses as he gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring from his pocket. 

“Oh my god,” she blurts. She’s a blubbering mess by now and she feels her knees give out as she lowers to the ground to meet Matt’s eyes. 

The laugh he lets out is watery and shaky, and his hands fumble as he shows her the ring. “Sylvie Brett… will you marry me?” 

She doesn’t believe it. She thinks she must be having some weird fever dream because this moment is so perfect and happy that it just can’t be true… but it is. It’s true, and she’s smiling like an idiot as she whispers her answer. “Yes.” 

“Yes?” His wide, goofy grin matches hers. 

“Yes!” She repeats it louder this time, letting him slip the ring on her finger. They both stand up as he leans in and kisses her. It’s soft and sloppy and his lips taste like tears, but it’s perfect. 

Their kiss is interrupted by a roar of cheers and clapping. The whole firehouse, still watching intently, comes barrelling into the common room to congratulate them with hugs and cheers and pats on the back. They smile and accept the giant group hug from their group of friends. Even Boden comes over and hugs them, tells them he’s proud of them both before going to blow out all of the candles. 

“Ahhhh!” Mackey and Stella both squeal and pull her in for a group hug. She feels bad for soaking their shirts with tears but they don’t notice as they jump up and down. 

“Girl we were practically dying the other day trying to keep his secret,” Stella huffs dramatically and whacks Casey on the shoulder. 

“Wait, you guys knew?” 

“We’ve known for weeks, girl! We all have,” Mackey gestures to the whole firehouse and Sylvie just. Her heart feels like it’s pouring out of her eyes in the form of tears. It’s so overwhelming and beautiful and just… perfect.

Sylvie laughs, burying her head into Matt’s chest before looking back up to him. She kisses him again, this time slower and deeper, before saying the words that have turned into an instinct for her over the last three years. The words that she has to say because no other words are perfect enough. “I love you.” 

Then, he smiles at her and the words come naturally to him after he kisses her forehead. 

“I love you too.”

[atiny-ahgase]

You’re sooo~ lucky for that. I wish that could have been me. But I’m happy that you got to see him and at a school no less. The spirit of good music and a good time is taught young, I see. 😂

Sounds like he and your brother are close 😂 😂 😂 “No, I’m not ready...” That’s so me!!! Also, the randomness is the best part!

Don’t worry about it. It only happens once a year, but since it was on the first of the month, why not celebrate the whole month!?!?!?!!!

Oh~ I love yellow too!! 🥺 Not necessarily to make me stand out but just to like... highlight myself in a way. The brightness of the colors make me feel warmth. Ohhhhh~ that sounded so weird, sorry 😩

Oh~ you associate me with that tree and nature overall. I love that. The way you described it was so beautiful ☺️🥰. I will definitely put that on my list of places to go to once the pandemic is completely over. Feel free to talk about geography all day. I’ll listen with wholesomeness and contentment in my heart. ☺️ Also, the view you just painted in my head with Caroni Swamp during the sunset 🌅 is just... *chef’s kiss*💋

Lol this made me laugh😂😂 but it's kinda true. One of the first projects that we ever do in school is one on Carnival so... even my little cousin knows a bunch of soca songs and he's 3 lol.

I was terrified to meet him, I'm super shy irl (I'm super shy here to tbh but I digress) what was I supposed to say to him?!?!?

"Why not celebrate the whole month" yessss I love this!!!❤❤

I hate colours that stand out since I always stand out cause of my height (5'7) and my hair, a lot of people notice me which I hate tbh. I enjoy blending into the background.

I studied some clothing and colour theory in uni so it doesn't sound weird, I totally get it.

I had pictures from when I went on my old laptop but I think I lost them when my laptop broke so...big sad. But it was really nice, I was kinda on the fench about going (since I hate large bodies of water) but I'm happy that I was able to experience it❤

[lindalevanimamm]

Reality- Chapter 11

The past few weeks have been an adjustment. I started working at Jaehee’s cafe, which is really great. As expected, Jaehee is an amazing boss, and for the most part, the people in this universe are incredibly kind. With some help from Yoosung, I’ve applied to start going to college next semester. I had to get Saeyoung’s help with records. I don’t know how he did it, but I have everything I need to officially live here. I’m mostly enjoying my life, which is weird for me. Normally I’m not happy, but here I have friends and a job and little stress. Zen’s performance is coming up, and he’s got tickets for all of us. I’m really excited about it. I woke up today and went to open the shop with Jaehee. I reluctantly let Saeyoung give me a car, but i’m not keeping it. I told him I’ll only use it until I can get my own. I had decided to bring over dinner, as well as the clothes I borrowed from Saeyoung a few days after the whole drunk incident, but that was when he sent me home with a car. Jaehee and I opened the cafe and got through the morning rush. Around noon, I went on my break. I made myself a cup of coffee and grabbed some food, before sitting down in the back of the cafe. I checked my phone. Unfortunately, no one was online to chat, but there was a text from Saeyoung. I smiled. I read the message and immediately grew nervous. Am I ready? I think so. It’s Saeyoung, I’ll be fine. 

Saeyoung: Hey (Y/N)! This might still be too soon, but would you like to go on an official date soon? 

(Y/N): I would love to! :)

I sat and stared at my phone. I feel conflicted. I know I like Saeyoung, but it still feels weird. How can he like me? I’m, well, me… Saeyoung answered back quicker than I had expected. 

Saeyoung: :). Is tomorrow night too soon? 

(Y/N): I’ll check with Jaehee to try to get off, but it should be fine! 

Saeyoung: perfect 

I tried to hide the smile growing on my face. It will be fun. I know it. I’ll have to go buy something to wear though. I tried to not think about the date and just eat my food, but it was hard. What if I’m too awkward? What if he really changes his mind? What do I do? What do I wear? Ugh. I checked the time. I got up and put my apron back on to get to work. I got back to work, putting on my friendly face for customers. Around an hour later Jaehee stood next to me while I was making a drink. “Is everything okay? You seem to have something on your mind,” Jaehee asked. Oh right I still have to ask her for tomorrow off. What if she needs me? What if it makes her disappointed in me? It’s one night, come on (Y/N). And this is Jaehee, she’ll be honest. “I’m okay,” I paused. “I think. Saeyoung just asked me out.” Her eyes widened slightly before she smiled. 

“It’s about time he asked you. Do you feel ready?” she asked.

“I think so. I’m nervous. I don’t know why I am, it’s just Saeyoung,” I replied.

“I’m sure being nervous for a first date is pretty normal. You don’t need to worry. While Saeyoung is interesting, he’s kind. He won’t try anything.” I smiled. 

“Yeah I know.”

“When is the date?” she asked. 

“Oh yeah, um, he was asking about tomorrow night. I know I’m scheduled to work though so if you need me to I can reschedule,” I offered. Jaehee laughed. 

“No need to do that. I can handle the shop on my own, you can go early, or even take all of tomorrow off.” 

“Thanks Jaehee, you really are the best.” After our short conversation, the cafe started to get busy again. I did my best not to think about tomorrow, but it was hard and it was distracting me. Thankfully, I kept enough focus to make orders correctly. But the clumsiness did ensue. I completely tripped and spilled an entire order on the ground. It was embarrassing. I apologized a million times to both Jaehee and the customer, both of which were really nice about it. My shift came to an end around 3pm. I waved bye to Jaehee and clocked out. First stop, clothing store. One problem though, I don’t know any. I pulled out my phone and searched for a store. I decided to try one called J&N. When I got there I immediately began looking for something to wear, but quickly was overwhelmed. What do I wear? Is this even cute? I was starting to break down in the dressing room. This looks terrible on me. Why did I think I’d look cute in this? I can’t wear this? Wait. Who knows fashion best? Zen. I decided that before giving up entirely, I would ask Zen for help. I sent him a few pictures of some outfits I was looking at. 

(Y/N): *pictures*

(Y/N): Zen helppp!! Saeyoung asked me on a date for tomorrow and I have no idea what to wear or buy

(Y/N): bless me with your knowledge 

I waited, and waited. I sighed. Guess he’s probably busy with rehearsals. I shouldn’t bother him anyway. I started to gather my things before I heard a knock at the dressing room I was in. “(Y/N)?” someone called out. There’s only so many people that know me here. Kinda sounded like Zen. I opened up the door and was surprised. It was Zen. He smiled. “Hello!” 

“Hello?” I asked. “Why are you here? How did you even know where I was?”

“Oh, you asked me for help so I came, duh. And in the pictures you sent I recognized the dressing room. I was in the area already so I decided to come. Also you really need help. Here try these.” He handed me a pile of clothes. I smiled. I’m glad I have someone who can help. I grabbed the clothes and started trying things on. I came out of the room each time to show Zen. We would discuss and then I’d go back to try on more things. It was actually kind of fun. I tried on the last outfit. Zen and I agreed that this had to be the one, and if it wasn’t then we’d go somewhere else. I looked in the mirror. Woah. I think this looks good. I feel good. I walked out of the room to show Zen. His mouth hung open and he nodded. “Oh yeah. That’s it. That’s what you are wearing tomorrow. How does it feel? Thoughts?” he asked. 

“I like it a lot! I feel good in this one for sure!” I replied. 

“Good. It looks really good. You look really good I mean. I think Saeyoung will like it, and if he doesn’t then he needs new glasses.” I laughed. 

“Thanks, and I think so too. Thank you for helping by the way. I really appreciate it. I would have been so lost, but you swooped in and saved me from looking like an idiot.” 

“It’s no problem. I’ve got to head back to rehearsal in half an hour, but I’m sure tomorrow will be great. I’m excited for you two.” I smiled. I went back and got changed into my clothes and paid for my new outfit. I said goodbye to Zen and headed home for the day. 

I woke up feeling nervous, which isn’t that unusual for me I guess. Saeyoung told me he’d come pick me up around 5p. I got up at 7a to go help Jaehee at the shop. I ate a small breakfast and made my way there. I was a mess. I kept messing up orders and dropping everything from the pen I used to the actual orders. I was stressed. I was doing a terrible job, just because I was nervous. I need to calm down. It’s just a date (Y/N), get it together. But I couldn’t get it together. Around noon, Jaehee nicely told me I could leave. She really was nice about it, but I still feel bad. I was going to stay until 3 again, which meant she’d be working alone for three hours until another employee came. I guess I always mess things up. I hope I don’t mess up this date. I got into my car feeling down. I leaned down and put my head on the steering wheel and sighed. I was close to tears, I felt so bad. It’s fine. You’re fine (Y/N). Jaehee isn’t like that. She understands. She’s not going to fire you because of one bad day. The customers were so-so about today. I probably made someone’s day a lot worse. I wiped away a couple tears and drove to my apartment. Yoosung and I promised to talk to each other when we felt down. We didn’t want either of us to spiral any further. I texted him as soon as I got home. 

(Y/N): T_T today has sucked

Yoosung: what’s going on? What happened? 

(Y/N): well, Saeyoung asked me to go out with him today, but I still went into work to help Jaehee. But I guess I was so nervous about tonight I kept making mistakes 

(Y/N): I kept getting orders wrong and dropping everything…

(Y/N): Jaehee asked me to leave….I still had another 3 hours I was supposed to work

(Y/N): why am I like this? 

Yoosung: I’m sure Jaehee understands, and it’s normal to be nervous. I’d be a mess if I were you too. You’re not incapable, you just had a rough day 

(Y/N): yeah I guess so 

Yoosung: I know so. Sometimes we have bad days, it doesn’t make us any less of a person

(Y/N): thanks yoosung :)

Yoosung: anytime. Now stop worrying to me and go get ready to have fun!

(Y/N): okay haha 

I went ahead and did as Yoosung suggested and got ready. I was still really nervous though. I was done getting ready at the perfect time. I heard a knock at my door and went to answer it. I smiled. “Hi Saeyoung!” He stared at me and I grew uncomfortable, so me being an idiot said, “what’s wrong with you? Stop looking at me.” Saeyoung laughed. I’m an idiot. You didn’t have to be so rude (Y/N) geez. 

“Sorry. You look nice. Are you ready to go?” he asked. I nodded. We walked to his car and my curiosity grew. “So what are we doing tonight?” I asked. 

“I’m glad you asked. Also I’m glad you decided on pants instead of a skirt or dress.” he stated. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Nothing. Today, in this universe, there is a carnival going on in the city. I thought it would be fun to go, and didn’t want to go alone,” he paused, and then asked with worry, “do you like carnivals? Or are you one of those people that’s afraid of all the rides?” I smiled.

“I actually love them. I’m a huge fan of roller coasters and things. Carnivals are fun.” 

“Oh good. I would have had to drop you back off and stopped talking to you if you didn’t.” 

“Brutal.” 

“I’m kidding...mostly,” he laughed. I laughed with him. “It would be really hard to love someone who doesn’t want to do stupid and slightly crazy things with me.” 

“I get that,” I chuckled. The rest of the car ride there was fun. We laughed a lot. Saeyoung really is amazing. As soon as I think the conversation will stop, he starts with something else. I don’t think I’ve ever conversed with anyone so easily. When we got to the carnival, the sun was just starting to set. We parked, bought tickets and went in. Our eyes lit up as we scanned the area. There were kids running around yelling, couples holding hands passing by. Not to mention all of the colorful lights and smells. Oh the smell. It smelled like popcorn and treats. I looked over at Saeyoung, he was already looking at me. I smiled. “I haven’t been to one of these in a really long time. I always got overwhelmed by how many people were here so I stopped going. It’s beautiful,” I told him. 

“I’ve only ever been to one, it was for a mission though, so it wasn’t what I wanted,” he replied. I nodded. He reached down and grabbed my hand, I looked down, avoiding all eye contact. “Is this okay? Purely so we don’t lose each other,” Saeyoung asked. I nodded. Before I could process what was happening, I was being pulled away by Saeyoung. We ran to the nearest booth for some food. We got huge things of cotton candy, as well as some normalish food like hot dogs. After that we ran from ride to ride. It was amazing. While we waited in line we talked, mostly about stupid things we’ve done, or things we like. Then we’d laugh and scream on the ride. We both had our hands in the air, smiling until our cheeks hurt. After we had rode all of the rides I was a bit nauseous. We sat down at a table and took it easy for a bit, then we went and played the different games they had. I was terrible at all of them, but somehow Saeyoung was really good. He even won me a cute stuffed bear to take home. The carnival was going to close soon, so we ran again trying to get to all of the rides again. We were running when Saeyoung suddenly stopped in front of me. I ran into his back completely, but he turned around to look at me. “Wait,” he began. I rubbed my head. 

“Ow, why did you stop?” I asked. 

“There’s one ride we didn’t get to!” he answered. I looked up at him confused. 

“What? I’m pretty sure we rode all of them.” 

“Nope!” he pointed over at the ferris wheel. “We forgot about the ferris wheel!” I rolled my eyes. 

“That’s hardly a ride!” I argued. He gasped. 

“It is too a ride! Why wouldn’t it be?” 

“It’s not any fun! You just sit there while it slowly brings you around,” I shook my head.

“No it has to be fun!” he whined. Has he never…?

“Have you never been on one?” I asked. He nodded. I sighed. “Alright I guess we have to then, but I’m warning you, they’re not that fun.” He grabbed my hand again and ran towards the ferris wheel. This is probably the last thing we'll be riding. I forgot his childhood was hard, he’s never even been on a ferris wheel. I have to find a way to make it more interesting. We got into the line and waited. When it was our turn we got into the cart thing. Saeyoung was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. I smiled. I guess it’s a little exciting. The wheel began to move, then stopped for more people to get on. Finally, it filled and began to move. I watched as Saeyoung calmed down, he almost looked disappointed. He looked over at me. “Yeah you’re right. This is boring. Why do people even go on these?” he asked. I laughed. “I’m serious why?” 

“Do you really not know? Or are you screwing with me?” I asked. How would he not know why people typically ride these? 

“I seriously don’t know. I thought they were popular because they’re fun, but clearly that’s not right.” He looks serious. He really doesn’t know? How am I supposed to tell him couples come up here because it’s romantic? Nope. I’m not doing that. He’ll figure it out eventually. He kept looking at me waiting for an answer. I sighed. “It’s for the view,” I told him. Not a complete lie. 

“Oh,” he replied. He looked out over where we were. Sure enough the view was amazing. The cityscape beneath us, and Saeyoung here next to me. I could see the city lights in his eyes, it only made his eyes even more beautiful, which I didn’t think was possible. I hadn’t noticed how long I had been staring at him until he turned and looked at me. “Need something?” he asked. I blushed and looked away. Quick think of something to change the subject….

“Yeah,” I looked back at him. 

“Go on,” he laughed. 

“Wanna know how to make this more fun?” He nodded. I put my hands on the bar in front of me and started swinging the cart back and forth. Saeyoung laughed and helped. So there we were. Two idiots swinging a cart on a ferris wheel back and forth. When we were supposed to get off the worker wasn’t happy and asked us to leave. We had to leave anyway because they were closing down, but whatever. Saeyoung and I held hands as we finally walked back to his car. I was smiling. I just had so much fun, I hope he did too. When we got in the car Saeyoung looked at me. “I don’t wanna take you home yet,” he stated. 

“Are you kidnapping me or something?” I asked. 

“Yes,” he stated. What? My face dropped.

“Wha-”

“I’m kidding (Y/N). I just don’t want today to end, I’m having too much fun,” Saeyoung interrupted. 

“Oh, haha, yeah me too,” I answered. We decided to go and get some ice cream to end our date. We sat in his car and ate the ice cream while talking. When we were done eating there was a pause in conversation, it was the first time that had happened that night. “You know,” Saeyoung began. “I don’t think I expected you to be like this.” 

“What do you mean?” I asked, insecurities starting to creep in. Was the date not good? Was he not having fun? He smiled at me. 

“I don’t know really. I didn’t think I could like someone as much as I like you. I mean, we’ve known each other for a month maybe, but I feel like I’ve known you for longer. I feel like we’ve been through so much. I guess when I went to your universe I expected you to not actually care about me. I expected you would say that your feelings weren’t real and that it was just part of the game, but you didn’t. You returned the feelings I had. I feel like you care. You’re so fun to be around. I don’t know why you’re insecure. You’re absolutely stunning, you’re kind, you make me laugh. You’re just, you, and I love it. I hate that you feel empty sometimes, or are anxious around people, because, really, people would be lucky to get to know you. I feel so lucky that I get to know you. I’d feel even luckier to get to love you. I never knew people could be as perfect as you,” he finished. I sat there and looked at him with my mouth slightly open. No one has ever said anything that beautiful to me. How do I even respond? How can I respond? He took words right out of my mouth. I’m not perfect, but I love being around him. I didn’t know I could feel like this. Turns out I didn’t have to say anything. Saeyoung leaned over and hesitated, before kissing me. I was in shock at first and didn’t move, so he backed away, looking afraid that I wasn’t interested. I snapped out of it and leaned to kiss him back. His lips felt soft against mine. It felt right and sweet. I poured my feelings into it. How much I care about him, how happy he made me even when I thought he didn’t exist, how happy I am to be here. After a few moments, we separated. I smiled and looked down, a bit embarrassed. I could tell he felt the same way. “Uh,” Saeyoung swallowed. “I guess I should take you home now.” I giggled. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” I replied. He started up the car and drove me home. After a minute or two of awkward silence after the kiss, conversation began to flow again. Saeyoung walked me up to my door again. I stopped outside of my door. “Thank you for tonight, I had a lot of fun really,” I told him. 

“I did too. We should do this more,” he replied. 

“I would love that.” I smiled. 

“Can I-,” he paused. “Can we do that again?” It didn’t take long for me to realize what was asking. I nodded. Saeyoung moved his hand to my cheek and kissed me again. I melted into it, wanting to memorize the feeling of his lips on mine. We separated and smiled at each other again. “I’ll see you then, have a good night,” Saeyoung said. 

“Thanks, you too.” I moved to hug him before he left. After we hugged, we said goodbye once again and Saeyoung left. I went inside my apartment and smiled. Wow. A whole night where I didn’t feel anything, but happiness. I can’t remember the last time that happened. I got ready for bed, but found that I was unable to sleep. Normally, I can’t sleep because I’m thinking about all the stupid things I did that day, but tonight was different. I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about how much fun I had and wondering when I’d get to see him next. Eventually, my thoughts slowed and I slept.

[bxoken-heartss]

Put a Little Love On Me: C.V Part 2

(Y/N): Your name

(Y/E/C): Your Eye Color

(Y/L/N): Your Last Name

' ' ': Switch of scenes

~ ~ ~ : Line by Line Lyrics scenario ending.

// //: Lyrics

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, drinking mentions etc etc

Pairings: Christopher Velez x Reader

Words: 5600 +

Part 1: HERE.

A/N: I know it’s been LIKE 7 years approximately since i typed down the first part. But, I’ve had online classes and crappy assignments..But! HERE IT IS! And once again...I’m SORRY! But I hope you ENJOY! :)

Honorable Mentions: @wwecncowhydontwetrash @calypsocnco​ @cnco-hoenesty​ @papichriscnco​ @richardscurls​ @h-bea92​ @zabdielmuch​

//We wrote and we wrote till there were no more words

We laughed and we cried until we saw our worsts//

Chris sat down in front of his desk in his room, his heart heavy and burdened, yet a weird sort of  emptiness filling his heart. He spoke nothing as he heard his heart slowly beating..each beat filled with an aura of pain at an in-rhythmically ugly pace.

He felt horrible...He just wanted to escape from this ugly unwanted reality..Writing music was his way of temporary escape from reality..a temporary refuge when things went downhill..

After a heavy workout and a hot relaxing shower, he sat down to write something onto his journal..

He carelessly opened the journal, flipping through the pages slowly as he reached a fresh new page, a fountain pen in his hand as he sat and thought about what he could write about to relieve or rather ease the stress and anxiety building up in him..

He wanted to write something..he really wanted to..but a wave of hopelessness washed over him as he had written a few "Love" related lyrics..

They sounded fake...forced..ingenuity lacing its lyrics..He tried again..but he just couldn't...for she was the only thing that bounced back into his mind..

She was the melody...the inspiration behind all his lyrics..but she wasn't his anymore..

The thought of her in between someone's arms..her new man kissing her..holding her close to him..

The thought of her being happier with someone else who wasn't him hurted him more than he could admit..but a part of him also happy now at least someone would treat her the way she deserved to be treated..

Christopher tried to clear his head..No! He didn't need her! He could obviously move on the way she did..She moved on..rather too quickly..at least that's what the media and all the tabloids said...

He began to write again but there were just no more words to write.. Just mere emptiness and silence fills the air..

The page was empty and dull just like his heart..

                                              ~ ~ ~

Y/N couldn't pinpoint on a single moment where she was the happiest with Chris..Every single moment gave her weird yet such long lasting memories.

"GUYS I'M BORED!" Y/N yells as she walks into the boys' studio

"Hi bored...I'm Erick! Nice to meet you! How are you doing today?" Erick asks beaming at her

"Ha ha ha! Very funny pretty eyes..." Y/N replies as she rolls her eyes and claps her hands sarcastically

"Oh come on! That was a good one! Right guys??" Erick asks as he hopefully looks at the boys

"I'm not going to respond to that." Richard comments as he lazily lays on the couch

"Are you done with recording for today?" Joel asks as he sits next to her slinging an arm around her missing the look of jealousy that had stayed hidden inside Christopher's brown orbs

"Yeah...Had a quick meet and greet and did a bit of recording! I'm done for the day! What about you guys?"

"Recording is still left...and we'll probably have a quick Twitter session or something..probably" Joel comments as he looks at her

"So none of you are free??" Y/N asks

"Shawty...as much as I'd love to spend the day I've still got parts to record!" Richard says

"I'm done for the day!" Zabdiel says as he suppresses a yawn

"Zab...Come with me we can go and have fun!!" Y/N pleaded

"Nope mi amor... I'm going to sleep." Zabdiel says as he lays down on the couch

"Chris! Ah! My favorite boy! My darling!" Y/N says as her eyes brighten up

"Hola Hermosa..." Chris comments as he sits next to her

"Chris honey...come on let's have a day out together!" She says

"Couldn't resist me even for a day huh nena?" Chris asks, obviously flirting

"Of course..I couldn't resist your face.. You are so insanely good looking..how could I?" Y/N replies, flirting back ignoring the way how quick her heart thumped against her chest

Y/N began talking to him about the most random things and every time she did Chris interrupted her...He knew it always made her pissed..It was something he always did...but he couldn't resist! She was absolutely ADORABLE when she got mad..

"And then I --" Y/N begins as Chris cracks another uncalled joke in Spanish as Erick laughs to it as he engages in a conversation with Joel.

"CHRISTOPHER BRYANT VÈLEZ I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I WILL CHOKE YOU UNTIL YOU DIE IN MY HANDS!" Y/N yells

"I'd rather be choking you Mami.." Chris replies as he smirks at her as her face flushes into a dark shade of pink

"Gawd..Can't y'all just date already? There's so much sexual tension between you two...Like get laid already and date!" Richard comments rolling his eyes, Erick furiously nodding

"Well..Err..." Chris begins as he nervously laughs

"YASHEL shut up before I kill you!" Y/N warns

"He's got a point...I mean you guys flirt so often that we'd feel weird if you both didn't date.." Joel says

"No! Joel not you too!! Zab...Your friends are being mean to me!!" Y/N complains

"Too late.. he's already asleep.." Joel says as she looks at a sleeping Zabdiel

"You guys are just being dumb.." Y/N comments

"We're being honest..you label it as dumb.." Erick counters earning a eyeroll from Y/N

"Whatever guys...Chris! Are you free? Please tell me you are!" Y/N asks

"Well...My recording for the day is done so I guess?" Chris answers

"Please...let's just go somewhere! I'm so tired of merely sitting around in my studio for hours...a small break would be good right?!" Y/N asks him hopefully

"Yeah I guess.." Chris replies as he rubs his neck awkwardly

"Are you sure you wanna go? You seem dis- interested..." She asks him

"No no... Absolutely not Hermosa.. I'm absolutely ready..Just let me get a hoodie and some shades and inform Ali about it then I'll be all good to go!" Chris comments as he walks away

"So did you finally manage to get him go on a date with you?" Joel asks as he  looks at before heading towards the recording room

"Joel we are just hanging out cause he was free...nothing more nothing less." She replies rolling her eyes

"Okay I was just inquiring.." he says exiting the situation

"Oh...you mean one out of your many dates!" Erick says as his eyes gleam with adoration

"Could you just shut up for once Erick?! I told you we're - -" She begins

"Yeah, just friends...I get it..When are you going to realize that you just perfect for each other and just- -" Erick begins as Chris enters the room

"I'm ready Hermosa...Can we leave?" Chris asks interrupting Erick

"Okay sure..If my best friend wakes up by any chance and ever questions about my existence, just inform him that I had gone out with Chris.." Y/N tells Erick as she walks over to Chris

"Will do! Now go already and enjoy the day!" Erick replies as he pushes her onto Chris' arms

They exited the studio as paparazzis surrounded them, their security quickly making way for them as they quickly slid into her car.

"Where do you want to go Miss. (Y/L/N) ?" Y/N's driver, Henry asks (change his name if you don't like the name)

"Well to that less crowded carnival round the corner...And ask the others to stay away..We are heavily disguised so it won't be much of a problem." Y/N comments

"Are you sure Ma'am..I've been given strict - -" he begins

"I'll take the blame in case anything goes wrong trust me!" Y/N reassures as she put on a heavy coat to cover her disguise as Chris helped her with it.

"Thanks Chris..." Y/N says as she shoots him a grateful smile

"Of course Mi Amol..." Chris comments as he returns the gesture.

                                                 ' ' '

"Aren't you excited CHRIS?!?" Y/N asks as she looks at Chris whose eyes beam with happiness

"OF COURSE!!!" Chris yells excited as he looks at her excitedly

"Then let's g- -" She says but interrupted halfway as Chris grabs her arm and pulls her into the crowd

                                                 ' ' '

Time had gone so quick that Y/N almost thought her eyes were playing tricks with her when she saw the sun setting.

They had almost finished off all the attractions in the carnival..All the while Chris was just busy taking numerous pictures and videos of her, her giggling and laughing all the while.

"Hermosa...Look at that! I want that!!" He says as he points at a huge teddy bear in a stall.

"Aren't all these enough?" Y/N as she points at the bag of goodies and all those little toys Chris had gotten

"Nope...just one more...besides who doesn't like teddy bears?" He asks

"True but are you sure you want- " Y/N begins

"Hello? Yes...Yeah three soft balls? Cool enough!" Chris speaks as the person on the stall hands him over three soft balls

All he had to do was aim and get the soft ball into the basket that was next to teddy bear.

"Now watch me Hermosa..How I get that teddy in one throw!" Chris flaunts as he begins to aim for it. "But wait..Before that, I think you should kiss my knuckles.." He says finishing off

"And why's that necessary Chris?" Y/N asks her tone filled with sass

"Err..You know...for good luck! You technically just make people around you happy...so I figured that you would have some sort of good luck within you..So I thou- -" He begins

"I understand Chris...You don't need to explain..I was just messing with ya!" Y/N interrupts him as she holds his knuckles and presses a kiss onto his knuckles eliciting a soft blush from Christopher.

She quickly ignored the way her cheeks heated up as she gives him a shy smile, Chris slowly returning her the gesture.

"Go on Chris...try again..Let's hope it works!" Y/N comments as she looks at him

"Yeah okay!" Chris says, the soft ball falling inside a basket that stood next to a stuffed elephant.

"LOOK CHRIS! Elephants are cool too!" Y/N beams at him

"So boy do you want this or do you want to try again?" The stall keeper asks him

"Another try please.." Chris answers disappointed

"Chris you don't need to win the teddy bear specifically..it's  -" She begins

"Just wait Hermosa...This time I'll get it in!" Chris says as he held the last soft ball.

Y/N holds Chris' knuckles as she pressed a soft kiss onto them, Chris' knuckles still laying lovingly in her palms. Chris smiles to himself softly not wanting to retreat his knuckles from her touch

"Err..Chris?" She says, gaining his attention.

"Yeah sorry! I was- -" Chris begins

"Come on Velèz! I know you can do this!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!" Y/N cheered

Chris nodded his eyes gleaming with determination...He took a few breathes and threw the ball again and bam! It went inside the basket next to the teddy bear he had wanted.

"YESSS!! YOU GOT THAT IN!! CONGRATULATIONS CHRIS!!" Y/N cheers as she hugs him, as he wrapped his arms around her and enjoyed her embrace.

The stall keeper handed the teddy bear to Chris who instantly took it after thanking him.

"I wouldn't have won it without your good luck.." Chris comments

"Nonsense! Your aim was perfect! That's why you got it!" Y/N replies smiling at him

Chris took a hold of the other things in Y/N's hands as he handed her the teddy bear.

"It's yours now.." He says as he looks at her

"But you won it...and you wanted it!" Y/N replies

"No..I knew how much you loved teddy bears and considering the fact that you were my good luck charm..I think you deserve this" Chris says

Y/N blushed softly..He paid attention to every little thing accidentally slipped out of her mouth.

How she wished you had the guts to tell him how she really felt. She stood on her toes as she pressed a kiss on his cheeks.

"Thank you.." She whispers as Chris looks away blushing as he nodded slowly

                                           ~ ~ ~

Every little moment with Christopher was filled laughter and joy..Barely was there were moments she had seen Christopher wasn't happy...That night was probably the first time she had seen him..sad and broken..

It had happened on unfortunate midnight...Y/N had a sleepover with Zabdiel and the rest of the boys at their place after a very tiresome movie night..Everyone retired to their rooms at midnight as it had started off from 10 in the morning that previous day...

Y/N had obviously chose to share a bed with Zabdiel because the guest room was too messy and she was downright exhausted to clean it up...And Zabdiel had always loved cuddling onto her tiny petite figure ever since they had sleepovers from back when they were friends..

She had woken up the 2:00 a.m or so as she felt thirsty. She sat up, carefully removing Zabdiel's arms off her as she practically forced her drowsy self off her bed as she sleepily walked outside the room and towards the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and drowned it down her throat quickly quenching her thirst...

She walked upstairs and was about to enter Zabdiel's room when she saw dim lights flashing inside Christopher's room, beams of light radiating from the half closed door. She raised her eyebrows and walked towards his room.

'Was he that exhausted that he didn't have that much of the energy to switch off his bedroom light?' She thought as she slowly enters his room without causing any noises.

She looked around the room but Christopher wasn't on his bed...His bed was neatly folded and didn't seem crumbled at all...Hadn't he slept at all? She looked around and was about to call out his name when she hears muffled yet heavy sobs.

She looked around the room again as worry cascaded her face..She heard the sobs again as she walked towards the source...The sobs growing comparatively louder each time she took a step closer in a quiet pace.

She slowly opened the bathroom door as her eyes widens in shock as a teary eyed Christopher stood in front of the mirror..Her eyes scanned him as she noticed a blade in his hand, her eyes widening in shock as he reflects the same and tries to hide the blade.

She angrily storms upto him as she looks at him with pure hate..She picks up the blade and throws it out the window from the window located inside the tiny bathroom..She then walks upto him as she grabs both his arms, inspecting it. A soft scar was imprinted on his arm.

"I'm- -" Christopher begins

"JUST WHY? WHY CHRIS??" She asks, her tone filled with hate and pain at the same time as she quickly patched up the scar

"It's nothing.." He trails off as he looks away

"Well it has to be something CONSIDERING the fact that you were try to kill yourself!!" Y/N yells

"Please...JUST..Just leave! I don't want you to see- -" Chris says trailing off

"Why...Just why would you do this Chris?" Y/N asks, her eyes brimming with tears

"Why would you care?"  He asks her as he looks at her, his chocolate brown orbs instantly losing all the warmth it had ever possessed.

"CHRIS! Why wouldn't I- - I obviously do! Chris- -why would you ever - -" She begins

"I can't take this anymore...It's hard and sad..being HATED by millions..Feeling unwanted... talent-less..undeserving.." Chris interrupts her halfway as he looks down

"Says who Chris?" Y/N questions

"Who doesn't? Everyone hates me..I- -I can't do anything right..No one's there when I honestly need them..I don't blame them too considering how much I mean to them. So I just thought if no one liked me for who I was..why live?  It won't make a huge difference whether I lived or no- -" Chris begins as a harsh slap interrupts him

Christopher's eyes widen in shock as he lifts his hand covering his cheek as it stung in harshness and pain.

She looked at him, her cheeks flushed with sad and angry tears as she glared at Christopher

"How- -How could you?!? Do you even REALIZE what would have happened if you..." She begins but gets interrupted by her tears and her shortened breaths

"I'd never forgive myself Chris! I love you too much! How could you even think about this?!?"She finishes off

Christopher's eyes widened as those words processed in his head but cut short when she pulls him into a hug. His tears fell softly as he shivered slightly

"I'm scared...Please..help me..Just don't leave.." Chris stutters

Y/N said nothing but held his cheeks with her hands and pressed a passionate kiss on his forehead and the cheek where she had slapped him.

A simple gesture...which meant something to both of them deep down inside...yet they thought the other didn't feel the same and pushed it into the back of their heads.

"I'm right here Chris...I'm not going anywhere..I'll always be there for you.." She says as he listens to her beating heart.

                                                   ~ ~ ~

//Is it wrong that I still wonder where you are?

Is it wrong that I still don't know my heart//

"C- - CCa- -a- -n I h- -have ano- -ther o- -on - one lad?" Y/N asks, her eyes glossy as she slurs off

"Miss...you've already had an unhealthy dosage of - -" The bartender begins

"I'M A LEGAL ADULT! I'M PAYING YOU FOR THE DRINKS! WHAT'S YOUR FXCKING PROBLEM?!?"  She screams at him as she interrupts him

"But Miss..." He begins

"I SAID GET ME ANOTHER ONE!" She shouts over the blaring music

The bartender reluctantly poured out another drink onto her now empty glass...

Y/N looked around as the place blasted off with various songs she could barely recognize. She glared at everyone and everything as she smoothly half emptied the glass of drink.

She gazed around the room to find couples dancing..couple talking..couples kissing.. and making out in their drunk state, but they had one thing in common..They were all happily in love..

She cringed at the word love..she was absolutely disgusted with the feeling.. She absolutely hated it...But deep down inside...she knew she was lying..somewhere down there..

But a part of her sad..and selfish..Why couldn't she have a happy life? Why was it always her that suffered? What had she done to deserve something like this? Why did it have to be her?

She laid her head down in the wooden table in front of her..She softly wiped away the mindless tears that had managed to slip through her eyes, her sobs as soft as mere whispers..

What sort of a therapy was this? Drinking away so as to ease the pain? She knew how unhealthy this was..but yet here she was..doing the same..

Everyone likes things that aren't good for them..or wish for things they could have..

Finding a coping mechanism trying to escape the painfully true reality...Her thoughts wandered around freely and yet again..it all returned to that one person...Christopher...

Was it wrong that somewhere in her heart she still secretly yearned for his presence next to her??

He must have probably moved on...Enjoying his life with those one night stands and hookups..or maybe even better..a steady girlfriend capable of making him feel loved and deserved...just the way like she used to make him feel once upon a time..

She felt her heart beating..Was it even alive after the amount of unspoken pain she was going through? Was it even hers in the first place? The beats were soulless and un-melodious.. What was happening to her heart? Where was the beauty and happiness in it?

Was it wrong she didn't want to move on and put aside her never seeming to disappear feelings apart and grow up?

                                                ~ ~ ~

//Are you all dressed up but with nowhere to go

Are your tears falling down when the lights are low?

Another Friday night tryna put on a show

Do you hate the weekend cause nobody's calling?//

She found herself heading towards her closet as she threw on a fancy t-shirt and a pair of denim jeans as she stopped herself midway..

Weekend nights were always date nights with him...Despite however busy they turned out...they'd manage to spend quality time together..at weird yet wonderful places..

'Y/N get a bloody grip of yourself!'  She mentally warned herself.

She changed back into her pajamas as she sat on her bed, her frame leaning towards the headboard of the bedroom.

Her work for the day was done...She had informed her manager, Charles that she was absolutely exhausted and couldn't manage working any longer that day..

She was tired...absolutely tired mentally..Bottling up her feelings were hard..

Zabdiel had come over to her place every single day and texted her every single hour of the day he could to help her...Just so she could talk it out..

But she just didn't talk anything..She talked about daily routines and anything and everything apart from Chris.

Usually after any break up she had, she would talk things out and cry it out to Zabdiel and he'd console her. But this time...she just couldn't and didn't want to be consoled..as if she wanted to keep cry and keep hurting herself..because deep down inside she still wants him beside her.

But what was she supposed to talk about when she herself didn't know how she felt? How could she explain him a feeling she herself couldn't understand?

She hates crying..Hated crying around anyone..So when the day changes into night and when the world or the city was asleep...she used it as an opportunity to let down her guard down and let the tears fall down freely...

She cried and cried till her heart ached with the familiar hidden pain striking hard with every real tear that slipped down her cheeks.

Weekends were always associated with beautiful memories ever since Chris had been a part of her life..now all that filled her weekends were just tiresome, painful tears and put down her daily facade.

                                           ~ ~ ~

//I've still got so much love hidden beneath this skin//

Oh how she hates feeling like this.. But the heart want what it wants.. and that was the feeling of being whole again..and no one was capable of doing so apart from..him...no matter how much ever she tried to deny it..

//Will someone put a little love on me

Put a little love on me//

She felt miserable...Absolutely annoyed, frustrated, stressed and all the negative emotions she had ever experienced in her lifetime washes all over her..all it once..the pain intensifying as every little wasted, endless, lifeless tear washes down her cheeks for the millionth time in the same minute..as she aggressively wipes them off, her cheeks burning and her arms sore from wiping away the still falling tears

Her sobs suppressed yet her heart screamed and ached in pain which mere words could never explain..

//When the lights come up and there's no shadows dancing

I look around as my heart is collapsing

'Cause you're the only one I need

To put a little love on me//

Drinking so as to forget..more like to ease the pain..wasn't a solution. Y/N came home drunk at irregular times mostly drunk at the dawn of every morning. An extremely unhealthy coping mechanism but that was her escape from the real world...

She needed to get back to get back to work..so she tried to relax and calm herself down...she couldn't crawl into a corner and mop about someone who never loved her in the first place..

Taking early morning walks, calm and relaxing music blasting in both her ears as she jogged around a very less crowded park with some shades and a hoodie to mask her identity seemed like a temporary refuge..

She sat down on the bench after 5-6 rounds of her quick walks.

She wiped off her sweat with a towel she had carried in her mini bag as she quickly emptied a bottle of water down her throat.

She leaned behind as she lazily stared at the people who walked by... And all she could see was couples..Old age married happy couples...Middle aged couples with their children.. Just couples in general!

Was it Valentine's Day already? or was she seeing what her heart truly yearned for as she had pictured Chris and her holding hands and walking together...whilst they were dating.

The times they spent together were too good and precious to be forgotten.

Her heart felt like she couldn't take it any longer..she felt her heart shattering slowly but heavily..She bit her lip softly suppressing her pain for the millionth time in the past two months.

The insecurity and longing for him hitting her harder every single time.

                                                ~ ~ ~

//Last night I lay awake

Stuck on the things we say

And when I close my eyes the first

thing I hear you say is

Put a little love on me

Put a little love//

Falling asleep was almost impossible.. He was already a soft sleeper so he most definitely wouldn't be able to sleep with a heavy head and an empty heart.

Christopher changed into some comfortable outfit as he came out the bathroom freshened up...

He turned off the lights..all apart from the lamp that stood on the night stand. Christopher laid down as he draped the blanket around himself, as he forcefully shut his eyes to gain some well deserved sleep.

But how could he when he was in so much pain he himself couldn't understand the reason for?

His eyes snapped open as he laid down in his bed..he stared at the blank ceiling..

He felt so deprived...Deprived in all ways..physically, mentally and emotionally..He was always frustrated, annoyed and always snappy.

He never intended to damage or yell at everyone but...he was just confused and didn't understand what in the bloody world was he feeling?!?

His heart and mind still was stuck on her...and everything she said...And in a flash he remembers all the beautiful memories she and him had shared together...

"Nena smile!" Chris screams as he clicks another Polaroid as she lets out a surprised yell

"Chris..I wasn't ready!" She pouts sadly

"But mi Amol...You always look beautiful..." Chris says as he wraps his arms around her waist

"Chris you are so cheesy!!" She giggles as he picks her up kissing her nose

"But you love me right?" Chris asks laughing

"Of course you dork!" She says as he kisses her

                                         ~ ~ ~

//When the lights come up we're the

only ones dancing//

Y/N absolutely loved dancing.. She'd use any opportunity she could get, she'd drag one of the boys and dance along with them.

Any random song would play and she'd start dancing slowly..urging one of the boys to join...

Richard would volunteer to but Christopher would instantly rush upto her and awkwardly dance next to her.

Her face would instantly brighten up and they'd dance until their feets would give in...They even had an adorable "couple-ish" dance they had devised together.

After they began dating they had begun this sort of unspoken tradition i.e whenever one of them felt sad and didn't want to talk about it..the other would play soft, calm and a sad melody and slowly walk up to the other person and softly begin dancing with them...

"You ready to talk now honey?" Y/N asks as he comfortably rests his head on the crook of her neck as they moved together in sync

"No..not yet..I..I..I jus- -" He begins

"I understand..." She replies interrupting him as his arms wrap securely around her waist "I'm here for you.." She breathes out, Chris's heart clenching at her reassurance as they slowly danced in the silence

Even whether the days were the best or the worst...whether they were the last two people in the world..whether the world hated them..at the end of the day what only mattered was that nothing or no one could change the fact that they were immensely in love with each other, completed each other, accepted and understood each others' flaws and loving them even more...

                                               ~ ~ ~

//I look around and you're standing there asking...//

Chris has had enough! Enough of this endless denial. Enough of being in this confused traumatic state he was undergoing right now.

He just couldn't do this anymore..He just likes her so damn much. Her absence was almost driving him insane. As if, he can't live without her.

He misses sleeping and cuddling along with her..his strong arms wrapping around her petite figure as their breathing synced...

The stolen kisses before any stage performances, random make outs in the middle of nowhere, passionate kisses and just soft pecks..Christopher cherished and wished for all of it back again..all only from her..and her alone...no one else apart from her!

He just wants her beside him..right now..tomorrow and just..forever. He was tired..tired of wasting tears and the unexplained heaviness and yet ironically empty feeling in his heart.

For the first time...He admits. He admits that it was him who was wrong in this relationship.

Admits it was his fault he didn't make her stay. Admits that he was just scared to lose her because she was too precious, amazing and only deserved the best..and he just felt..he wasn't good enough for her.

What if he was good enough for her all the while long? What if he was oblivious to the fact that maybe somewhere after all...Maybe all this while all she wanted was him?

He lied. He lied that he didn't care and it didn't tear him apart to see or rather just merely imagine her in someone's arms...Someone who wasn't him..

Nobody...no one else could compare to how he felt around her..He could never feel whole again without her by his side...his Y/N...She was his all the time..it sounded cheesy and haywire cringy but he didn't care cause that was all he needed was her...

Because at the end of the day he LOVED her...His eyes almost widened at his own shocking confession.

He never thought he'd ever be capable of feeling..not a romanticized sort of feeling...He never thought he could love someone like this..

His eyes swelled up with tears..yet again..for the first time today..honest and non stop tears.

Christopher choked on his own tears as they carelessly fell down as if endless..the ache in his heart worsening with every harsh sob..only this time..they weren't suppressed. He let it out...all of it out..he couldn't bottle up his pain any second longer!

She wasn't coming back...She just wasn't...and there was nothing he could do about it...no tears could bring her back...she was just gone.

"Chris..." he heard a voice barely above a whisper

God...he was going insane...second by second...He was hallucinating. He could almost hear her melodious voice..the way his name slipped out of her tongue..But why couldn't he believe it? Maybe because it wasn't practical enough..something so artificial yet felt real at the same time.

His vision was blurry as he let out painful tears as his breath shorten with every harsh sob...

And all of a sudden, he feels something physical...rather someone hugging him...

"Erick...not now...please leave.." He says, his tone desperate.

"It's not Erick..Wonder Boy..it's me.." the presence replies

Christopher's eyes widened. No one ever called him that except..

He instantly opens his eyes..Brown orbs met (y/e/c). The same orbs he had fallen in love with.. rather the same ones he was still in love with..

"Y/N- -?" Chris asks stuttering in disbelief

Y/N looks at him as her lips curl into a sad grin which was a mixture of all the sadness within her, Her face bearing a heavy, sad emotion...so vulnerable and broken yet she tries to stay strong

"Yes...I know you don't- -" Y/N begins but interrupted as Chris crushed her into a bone breaking hug

"I'm- -I'm sorry babygirl..I really am... It's all my fault...I can afford to live with the fact that I'd never ever sleep with you like that...or not being able to kiss you whenever I need you..but I just need you in my life..as a friend at least...I need you in my life somehow!"  Chris stutters as tears fall down

"Chris... I'm sorry too.. It's- -" She begins as Christopher silences her clinging onto her

They didn't need words...nor any sort of explanation or apologies..They sob quietly in each others arms.. but this time the tears are happy. Just each others' mere presence was all they needed.

"J- -just don't- -Just don't leave me..please...Y/N..." He sobbed as he held her close afraid that if he let her go once more.. she'd disappear forever from his life..

He still had so much love hidden beneath him...and he wanted to shower all of it onto her..and her only.

After a while of mere sobs filling the air she pulls away slowly from the hug as she gazed into his eyes, him mirroring her actions. His eyes held so much love within it...and it was all for her..

"You're the only one I need.." Chris says, never looking away from her beautiful orbs

"Put a little love on me"  She replies

"You're the only one I need.." Chris says again, his tone certain yet shattered

"So put your love on..me" She breathes out as she places her lips on his with nothing but her undying love and passion she forever held for him.

[writeforcarat]

First Date With SEVENTEEN

[Dongsaeng Line]

The8 A man of many interests, Minghao has A LOT of ideas for your first date. But since you want to take your time in getting to know every bit about him, you tell him that you don't mind trying all his ideas one date at a time, but right now, you really want to go on a photo walk with him. You are not that well-versed on photography, but you've seen Minghao's sample photos, which he ever so often posts on Weibo or Instagram, and you could easily tell that he's really got an eye for photography. His composition is great and he knows how to make the little details stand out in his pictures. You spend the day clicking photos around the city. The season changing from spring to summer also gave you colourful subjects to shoot. You've never gone on a photo walk before, but now that you did, you couldn't wait to go on another. Watching you pick up a newfound hobby charming to see for Minghao, and he was more than happy to help you with the basics of photography. Exhausted from all the walking, you take a break at a café (you go for an iced latte, while he opted for some hot tea). "I bet you took nice pictures," Minghao says, prompting you to hand over your camera to him. "They're not the best, but thanks for helping me. I learned a lot." The corners of Minghao's lips tug upwards, as he viewed some of the pictures you took. "How about you?" You ask him. "How are your pictures?" He slides his camera across the table towards you. "Well, since I chose the most beautiful subject around, all the pictures I took are perfect," he says with overflowing pride, to which you playfully roll your eyes (he can be adorably conceited sometimes). You turn his camera on and browse through one photo after another. There are dozens if not more than a hundred. Your eyebrows knit in confusion, and your lips part in an effort to say something. All of the pictures Minghao took... it was all you.  You look up to face him, and as though he has read your thoughts, he smirks and says, "Didn't I just say I chose the most beautiful subject?"

Mingyu When Mingyu found out that you also enjoy cooking, he brought up the idea of a date in his kitchen. You loved the idea, of course, and decided to meet at a supermarket to get all the ingredients you need for your DIY dinner date. Even in his most comfortable clothes, Mingyu looked fine AF.  You'd never seen someone look so good just to get some grocery shopping done. Clad in a plain black shirt and jeans, with a baseball cap on, he got heads turning wherever you two went, and you felt quite proud to be by his side, as his date. Like, how could you be so lucky??? When you arrived at his flat, which was surprisingly neat albeit some misplaced objects here and there, you both went straight to the kitchen to get the cooking started. Things were really going well, until Mingyu's clumsy ass tipped a pot over, spilling pretty much all your dinner. He looked really apologetic, and while you said it's okay, he kept saying sorry (that poor puppy!). After cleaning up the mess, you decided to just have some ramyeon (whatever you learned from K-Dramas, it’s not THAT), while waiting for the kimchi rice you ordered from a restaurant in the neighbourhood. Just as he dropped you off, he apologised once again, though you cut him off as he continued to curse at his clumsiness. "Hey," you said softly to him. "I wouldn't have this first date any other way." And a smile lit up his face.

DK You and Seokmin had packed schedules and couldn't find an entirely free day that you can have to yourselves, so you agreed to keep him company during one of his visits to the orphanage. Seokmin had a dream of becoming a social worker when he was younger, and while it wasn't the career he decided to pursue having developed a deep interest in the music industry, he still tried to render some of his free time to causes he cared about. You found Seokmin at the orphanage surrounded by adorable children. He was reading them a story, complete with comical character voices and sound effects. He was also wearing a lopsided felt crown on his head and a cape that's loosely tied around his neck. When he saw you from the corner of his eye, he gestured his hand for you to come over. He dramatically introduced you to everyone as the fairest maiden in the land, making you blush. When one of the kids asked if you were a princess, he said, "No, she's a queen," giving you a playful wink, as he placed a crown that looked similar to his on your head. From there, you took over the roles of the female characters (from fairies to witches to damsels in distress) in the stories, as he delivered his best impression of kings, wizards, and knights—much to the children's amusement. As you put the kids to sleep for their afternoon nap, a little girl snuggled between you and Seokmin, asking if you two can be her mum and dad for the day. With a soft smile, Seokmin told her, "Sure, Princess," tucking her in with a plush blanket. You don't know much, but at that moment, you were certain that you couldn't love a man as much as you already loved Seokmin.  

Seungkwan You didn't plan it, so you'd be beyond thrilled to see each other wearing matching pastel outfits on your first proper date at an amusement park. Though you already knew it, this date just affirmed that, indeed, Seungkwan is one hilarious fluffball! He'd send you to fits of laughter, as you spend your day playing sideshow games, trying out rides, and indulging on classic carnival food. You just couldn't believe how he doesn't seem to run out of witty remarks to say, and on top of that, he also has his way with words sending butterflies fluttering in your stomach. He had decided to call you "dear," and the first time you heard it from him, you swore you could have melted!

Vernon Hansol is so chill, deciding on what to do on your first date became quite a problem for you because he's okay with anything you suggested. Like, dude, just pick one! Anyway, you ended up attending a music festival, which was a good excuse for him to wear his rather questionable fashion pieces, but tbh, you couldn't care less coz you're pretty weird yourself, too. You hopped from one concert to another, noticing how you enjoyed the same bands and genres of music. As the afternoon slipped into evening, you spread out a blanket on a grassy patch. He sat down and allowed you to recline against him, the back of your head resting on his chest. He gingerly wrapped his arms around you (a gesture of affection you didn't think he's capable of showing), as the temperature dipped and the band began to play a mellow tune. "Now, isn't this nice?" You let out a satisfied sigh in response, placing your hands on top of his. You couldn't see it, but you could tell that a smile was painted on Hansol's lips as he hugged you tighter.

Dino Oh, dear Lord. This guy is a firecracker! He loves attention, especially when he gets it from you. On your first date, he'd take you to a club. You are fun-loving yourself, so you didn't really mind the idea. You'd be clinking drinks over small conversations, but when his favourite song plays, you can bet that he'd take over the dance floor, breaking those moves he so badly wanted to show you. Holy shit, he's a great dancer. He knows it and he shows it. He basks in the cheers of the crowd surrounding him. But what you find extremely sexy, though, is how his eyes remain locked with yours and only yours the entire time. When the song ends, he flashes you a smile that makes your heart skip a beat. He scoots over to you, takes your hand, and leads you back to your table. "Did I do okay over there?" He'd ask you, and you'd be quick to answer him. "No, you were amazing."

I had so much fun coming up with these scenarios! You can read the hyung line’s version here. And if you have requests, feel free to let me know! 

[justkimberley]

Lazy Saturday

Word Count: 2067

Summary:  TJ is having a lazy Saturday, and Cyrus comes over to watch a movie with him, only to be surprised by TJ's soft look. Cyrus is too tired to control his mouth, and both boys end up sharing things that they never thought they would.

Ao3 Link: x

          TJ Kippen was known for putting a lot of effort into his hair. Anyone who looked at it could see the gel keeping each individual hair in the right place. Not to mention, TJ was nothing if not thorough and, to prove it, he spent fifteen minutes every morning fixing his hair so that each strand would be in the right place. Because of this, nobody really blamed him for getting annoyed when people touched his hair. He put too much effort into making it perfect for it to be ruined in ten seconds just because someone touched it.

           On this particular Saturday, however, TJ did not feel like doing his hair. TJ did not feel like putting his contacts in. TJ did not feel like wearing something other than sweatpants. It was Saturday, and Saturdays were for being lazy. TJ was spending the day in his sweatpants and an old t-shirt with his hair fluffy and his glasses on, and he couldn’t care less. Today was his lazy day, and this was how he wanted to spend it. Even with Cyrus was coming over, TJ was happy to spend the day in his relaxed state. Besides, Cyrus had seen TJ look a lot worse than this.

           TJ was laying on his bed searching through Netflix, trying to find something to watch when the doorbell rang. “Come in!” TJ yelled as he headed towards the stairs to greet Cyrus.

           “Hey TJ! I brought some brownies,” Cyrus said while taking off his shoes.

           “I thought that you were a muffin kind of guy,” TJ said teasingly.

           “I’m an ‘anything with chocolate’ kind of guy,” Cyrus laughed, turned facing TJ for the first time since he had entered the house. As Cyrus saw TJ for the first time today, his eyes went wide and the tips of his ears went red while the hint of a smile grew on his face, “You’re so fluffy,” TJ heard Cyrus whisper quietly under his breath. TJ was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear that, but it still made him blush.

           TJ cleared his throat, unsure if he could trust his voice to work after hearing Cyrus say that, “So, uh, do you want to come upstairs and watch a movie? Or was there something else you wanted to do?”

           Cyrus was still staring at TJ’s hair, seemingly mesmerized and TJ was trying to remember if he had ever worn his hair without gel in front of Cyrus before (it was kind of hard with Cyrus staring at him like that). He concluded that he most definitely had not worn his hair without gel in front of Cyrus, if Cyrus’ reaction was anything to go by. He was pretty sure that he would have remembered if Cyrus had ever looked at him like that before. TJ raised his eyebrows at Cyrus to prompt him to answer his question. “Uh, what? Oh, right, yeah watching a movie sounds great, let’s go,” Cyrus smiled at him, still seeming a little dazed, before heading up the stairs while TJ followed closely behind.

           TJ watched Cyrus walk around his room while he set up the movie. Cyrus was looking at TJ’s pictures, books, nick knacks, and basketball paraphernalia, and TJ was hopelessly distracted by this. He couldn’t help but notice how cute Cyrus was. Cyrus’ face always showed exactly how he was feeling, all of the time, and TJ found it very entertaining (and also very endearing). Cyrus was looking at a picture of the two of them at the carnival when TJ realized (once again) how much he liked Cyrus. TJ knew that he had a crush on Cyrus, that much had been obvious to him for months, but watching Cyrus’ face relax into a content smile made TJ’s chest feel like it was going to explode with happiness. “Have you set up the movie yet?” Cyrus asked turning to face TJ, who was fairly certain Cyrus had just caught him staring.

           TJ quickly looked down at his laptop screen, “Uh, yeah!” he said, blushing. He started the movie and then paused it to let it load while Cyrus wandered over to sit beside him on the bed.

           As they watched the movie, TJ felt himself slowly relax into Cyrus’ side until, eventually, TJ was resting his head on Cyrus’ shoulder and Cyrus’ arm was wrapped around TJ’s waist. As TJ felt Cyrus’ thumb start absentmindedly stroking his side, he felt his heartrate increase and his face grow warm. This was probably the closest that they had ever been to each other. Yet, despite this new revelation, TJ was still incredibly comfy, so he relaxed back into Cyrus’ side and kept watching the movie as his heartrate returned to normal.

           TJ remained cuddled into Cyrus’ side as the movie continued, but he soon realized that Cyrus wasn’t watching the movie. He couldn’t see Cyrus’ face, but he knew Cyrus wasn’t paying attention because he wasn’t reacting to anything that was happening. TJ turned his head to look up at Cyrus, only to meet Cyrus’ eyes. Cyrus was making a face that TJ had previously dubbed his ‘thinking face’, and he wanted to know what was causing it, “What are you thinking about?” TJ asked quietly, snapping Cyrus out of his reverie.

           Cyrus’ eyes focused on TJ, and he seemed to be trying (and failing) to fight back his thoughts before he blurted out, “Can I touch your hair?” As the words escaped his mouth, Cyrus’ hand that wasn’t around TJ flew up to cover his mouth and his eyes widened, “Sorry, that was weird, I know you don’t like when people touch your hair, you can just forget that I said that, I didn’t mean to let those words out,” Cyrus finished, a blush growing ever more present on his cheeks.

           TJ was once again struck by how fond he was of Cyrus. Cyrus had somehow come up with the most adorable way to ask if he could touch TJ’s hair, and it was totally by accident. There was no way TJ could say no to that. Not to mention, he hadn’t put product in his hair today and he hadn’t spent time doing it, so he didn’t really care what happened to it today. TJ grinned, meeting Cyrus’ eyes once again, “You can touch my hair today Underdog, no worries. Go for it,”

           Cyrus’ face lit up and he placed his hand (the one that wasn’t currently resting on TJ’s side) carefully in TJ’s hair. TJ immediately relaxed into Cyrus’ touch. He had never realized how good it could feel to have someone play with your hair before. TJ was feeling very content as he turned to look at the movie again, but the feeling of Cyrus’ gentle fingers combing through his hair was just so good that he had to close his eyes. If TJ wasn’t so comfortable, he would probably be very aware of how much contact there currently was between him and Cyrus, but he had never been this comfortable before, so he wasn’t particularly aware of Cyrus’ thumb stroking his side, or Cyrus’ hand combing his hair, or how nearly their entire bodies were touching. TJ was just too comfortable to think about all of that at the moment. As TJ felt himself start to drift off to sleep again, he heard Cyrus mumble quietly, “Fluffy, fluffy, kitty boy, soft, fluffy, kitty boy,” while gently tapping the top of TJ’s hair.

           TJ was broken out of his relaxed state at these words and immediately sat up to face Cyrus with a look of confusion, laughter threatening to spill out of his mouth, “What did you just call me?” he asked teasingly, feeling himself blush.

           He watched Cyrus react as he realized what he said. Both of Cyrus’ hands came up to cover his mouth this time, and he looked horrified at the words that had escaped. “Oh my god. Oh. My. God. That just came out of my mouth. It just came out, no part of me thought ‘I’m going to say this out loud’ nope it just came out with no permission, oh god,” TJ watched amused as Cyrus started to spiral, “I was just so comfortable, and I’m pretty tired, and I lost control of my mouth! I’m sorry TJ! I just –”

           “Cyrus! Don’t worry about it, I thought it was cute,” TJ said, effectively stopping Cyrus’ rambling before he talked himself into a frenzy.

           TJ saw Cyrus blush before he realized what he had said. When he did realize that he had just called Cyrus cute, out loud, he covered his mouth and looked at Cyrus, horrified that that had escaped from his mouth. “What, uh, what did you just call me?” Cyrus asked smiling, his blush spreading to his ears as he imitated TJ’s earlier question.

           TJ considered his options, while he stared at Cyrus like a deer caught in headlights. His first thought was that he could lie and say that he called Cyrus a lute, but he didn’t think Cyrus would buy that. His second thought was that he could run away and hide for the rest of his life, which also didn’t seem like a good option. His next thought was that he could lie and say that he meant ‘cute’ in a platonic way which seemed like the best choice of all of his thoughts so far. But, his final thought, which was to tell the truth and confess to Cyrus how he felt about him, surprisingly seemed like the best idea.

           Cyrus was still smiling at TJ after he had most likely heard what TJ had said. That wasn’t the behaviour of someone who did not want to be called cute by the person who had just called them cute. TJ took a deep breath to calm himself, “I, uh, I called you cute,” TJ said, looking Cyrus in the eyes and then looking down at his hands which were on top of the blanket, “I like you Cyrus, like a lot. Like the I want to hold your hand and call you my boyfriend kind of like you,” TJ finished, looking up to try and gauge how Cyrus was feeling.

           Cyrus was biting his bottom lip, holding in a smile. His cheeks were tinted pink and his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes were open so wide, and full of so much excitement that TJ was once again struck by just how much he liked Cyrus. As they made eye contact, Cyrus’ smile exploded from his face and he lunged to hug TJ close to his chest. “I like you in a ‘want to hold your hand and call you my boyfriend’ way too,”

           TJ hugged Cyrus back, placing his head on top of Cyrus’ as Cyrus burrowed into his neck, “Does this mean we can be boyfriends?” TJ asked as he pulled back from the hug to smile at Cyrus, receiving a giant smile in return.

           “Of course! Now, let’s get back to the movie, boyfriend,” Cyrus said, giving a cheeky smile to TJ as they returned to their previous position. Cyrus had his one hand on TJ’s side and his other hand in TJ’s hair. TJ decided to wrap his arm around Cyrus’ waist.

           TJ was once again about to drift into the most comfortable sleep ever when Cyrus stopped petting his hair, “TJ?” Cyrus asked.

           “Mm hmm?” TJ hummed, too comfy to look up at Cyrus.

           “Can you wear your hair like this more often? I like playing with it. . . and I think you look handsome,” Just from the way Cyrus asked the question, TJ was pretty certain that Cyrus was now biting his lip.

           “Yeah, I’ll wear it like this more, I like how it feels when you play with it,” TJ said softly, snuggling closer into Cyrus’ chest, “One condition though,” TJ added, his voice turning semi-serious.

           “What is it?”

           “You can never call me a ‘fluffy, soft, kitty boy’ in public,” TJ said, “It will ruin my rep.”

           “Okay fluffy, soft, kitty boy, I won’t call you that in public,” Cyrus said grinning, a hint of a laugh playing through his voice. TJ laughed at that and snuggled closer to Cyrus once more. He didn’t really care what Cyrus decided to call him. As long as he could call Cyrus his boyfriend, he was happy.

Note: Okay this is low-key inspired by John Mulaney's bit where he talked about his wife petting him saying "hairy, hairy monkey man,"

Hope you enjoyed!

[bleachedjam]

Rambling on sexuality. Apparently you can't do a cut on mobile? Sorry then. Pretend there is one here and scroll past this.

I've always tried to find a label that fit me. I had never felt liked I liked anyone in the traditional sense. Girls and boys were on an even playing field for me. No one set me a flutter. There was no lust at first sight. But the way my peers discussed it made me feel...odd. Displaced? Like I was missing a joke everyone else got. So I faked it.

In elementary school, 5th grade, all the other girls picked a celebrity boy they had a crush on. I remember being confused how they decided. So I picked Aaron Carter, I think because I liked his song, "I want Candy". I mimicked what they said about their crushes, "he's so hot!" Another girl also liked Aaron Carter, but as I was a bit of an outcast we never discussed it. (His picture was on her binder.)

In middle school I tried to take up drawing. I had a sketch book I filled with drawings of both men and women. I gave the women large breasts and revealing shirts. My mother looked through my sketch book, and one night I heard her telling her friend, "all the breasts are so large, what if shes a lesbian?". And I considered it. What if I was? I had no idea. I felt the same way about men and women still. My friends were branching out and dating and talking about crushes on boys in school. I picked a boy I was friends with and pretended to like him. I even faked a journal entry and left it out so a friend would see.

In Jr. High I briefly dated a boy who was friends with a boy my friend was dating. He was crass and kind of a jerk. Someone asked me why I was dating him, because he, "looked and dressed weird". I tried to figure out which features were desirable, but all the guys my friends liked were so varied.

High school hit me hard. Something was wrong with me I was sure. I decided to just date whoever liked me. Less choices on my part. In October we held a Octoberfest carnival thing. My anime club, yes I was in anime club, had a booth were we sold churros. I met a guy a year older than me who ended up liking me. So I "liked" him. We dated until February. He rarely showered and never brushed his teeth. I always felt gross when we hung out. In February a friend admitted to liking me. I broke up with the other guy for obvious reasons and accepted when the new one asked me out.

Things seemed fine at the start but this guy would go on to mentally and verbally abuse me for 5 more years and torment me for a year after that. I confided in him how I never liked anyone and never had crushes the same way others did. This was the first of many things he would use against me. He convinced me to have sex with him, because once I did I'd like him and be attracted to him. And when that didn't work, well I'd already done it, so I had to keep doing it. Then when I doubted things and didn't like being with him, he'd play on my various insecurities. "You'll never really like someone, it will always be fake. Might as well stay with me." "No one will like you if you can't feel the same way back, your lucky to have me." "I'm the only guy you can ever get." And beyond that to, "No one else would want a depressed sack of fat like you. I'm doing you a favor." "There's so much wrong with you, how can you ever expect to do better?" "Your so ugly and fat I can't believe I stoop to your level." And worse and worse yet. It was a slow descent over almost 2 years, but when he had me where he wanted me, he started to cheat on me. I couldn't leave, I wanted to die. The years with him were the worst of my life. And I trace it all back to not understanding how to tell if I wanted to be with someone.

We graduated and he moved into my house. The abuse only got worse. I developed fibromyalgia and other chronic illness, believed to be from "trauma". His abuse escalated after that. I couldn't escape him. And why would I want to? No one would ever take a broken piece of shit like me. He was doing me a favor.

He ended up leaving me. I never had the strength to leave him. He left me for, in his words, "a healthy girl with no problems". For the next year or so he'd get drunk and contact me. Eventually I stopped all communication. I ended up getting a tattoo he had forbade me from getting. It was freeing.

I tried the online dating scene for awhile. I desperately didn't want to be alone. But I couldn't connect with anyone. People would send me messages and I'd see pictures but I never met up with anyone. No one ever stood out. I didn't know what or how to pick someone.

My sister had a friend from Canada she played games with online. I played with them a few times and he invited his work friend to play to. I won't say we hit it off. My sister and her friend logged off and then me and the other guy were left alone. We talked, he seemed nice. After a few months the two of them got invited down to our house for a gaming convention in the area. The friend and I had grown close and he decided he liked me. I knew this time, I did not like him.

But as it goes, that didn't matter. He came down, stayed at our house and asked me out. I said no. He pushed and guilt tripped me until I said yes. He stayed a week. Everything was a guilt trip. He bought me something so I owed him. He came all this way, so I owed him. I said yes, so I owed him. When he went back home I broke up with him. He staged and gave me a play by play of a suicide attempt. His tactics relied on guilt. I wasn't used to that, so it was hard for me to let go. I didn't want to hurt anyone. Eventually I finally got away from him.

During that time my other sister asked if she could invite a guy she worked with to play league of legends with us, as he was very good and we wanted to win an event or achievement or something. He played with us and we did it.

Him and I talked. I told him about the guy from Canada. The suicide attempt. Most recently he had gotten the bill from the ambulance I sent to his house and said I needed to pay it since it was my fault. I refused and tried to quit talking to him. The new guy and I got close. He was someone I would call my best friend. When the Canada guy started more drama, he asked if we could hang out in real life, because up until then we had only talked online.

We did. I went to his house. We got teriyaki and played Mario cart. Something about this guy was different. He was a best friend but something else. Like our hearts were talking. We connected on a different level, something I had never felt with another person before. On the way home I made a stupid joke about not believing he never had a girlfriend. He asked if I wanted to be his. I said yes.

I gave him a hug goodbye. I kissed him on the cheek. He tried to kiss me on the cheek too but I moved and he missed and we had our first kiss. Everything was right in ways I never felt before.

Today we're set to be married, living together and have an amazing daughter. I couldn't imagine life with anyone else. I can confidently say, he is the first person I've actually liked. Romantically for sure. Sexually? I still don't know how that works.

I throughly enjoy sex with him. I desire the intimacy and connection and obviously it feels good. But honestly, what the hell is sexually attraction? Because I enjoy it does that mean I'm attracted? I don't know. I've never looked at anyone and gotten any...sexual feelings from looking at them.

I enjoy drawn porn and porn comics from an aesthetic point. The art is beautiful. The human body is wonderful. But it doesn't do anything for me. I like the art, the shapes, the aesthetic of porn. But it doesn't make me feel anything or make me want to do anything.

To masturbate or have sex I have to focus on the sensations alone, or how my partner feels. I've never found porn that works for me. I don't get horny from visuals at all. Half the time I forget he does. I'll be changing and he makes a move and I'll just be confused as to what got him in the mood. I feel a disconnect between it all.

There was a while where I called myself asexual. Seemed close. But the more I tried to fit in with the community the more I felt odd. Not outcast, because the asexual community is amazing, but more like I was fitting an oval peg into a circle hole. Close, but not quite.

When I consider it, men and women are almost equal to me. I think I may be more drawn to women at least visually. If I hadn't met my fiance I would have loved to date a woman. I enjoy the female form more from a aesthetic stand point.

So lately I've been wondering if maybe I was pansexual. A friend of mine is pan and she posted a quote about being attracted to the person, not the body. It felt more right and more like me than anything I had seen from the asexual community. But at the same time, my sample size of people I've liked it only at one. So I have no idea.

I also wonder, does it matter? I'm going to be with the person I am with forever now. I don't need to find anyone else, so it doesn't matter which gender preference I have or don't have.

I guess with Pride month I've been thinking about it a lot. There is a lot of talk of, "fly your flag high and have pride!" But what if you don't have a flag?

I feel queer. That's about as far as I've gotten. I don't know if I'll ever find something past that or not. Right now queer feels fine, just unsure. I guess I'm somewhere between sexuality is fluid and still figuring myself out. Who even knows what attraction is.

So happy Pride month everyone.

[crypterion-moon]

Red Prince Eternal/4

Tim’s nightmares haunt him constantly, the words that bit him to the bone and stripped him of his dignity and he was kicked to the ground. The despair still haunt him. But the longer he spends with Kon, the more he begins to realize how much the superhero means to him.

His new companion is wary of such attachment.

He was aware that Batman was not the most welcoming of men or heroes but it didn’t make the words any softer in Tim’s mind.

“Back off, kid, this isn’t a game you can get into and out of.”

“I know Bruce,” there’s no one around, no one would hear the whisper of his name but Batman heard it loud and clear and it made him stiffen. Natural, a little boy knows who he is and little boys can say anything.

“I’ve always known, the lines were there, I just connected them and what evidence I had, I know Dick is with you and so was Jason. I’m only here because I want to help.”

“Don’t talk about them.”

“What-”

Suddenly Batman lost it, and he sent the table flying, “Don’t talk like you know, Tim, they suffered and still fought like soldiers. They know what it’s like to be stuck in the filth this world can offer, what do you know about that?”

“I know, Batman, I’m no street urchin or orphan, but pain is everywhere,” Tim stopped, remembered Jason, “I’m sorry about Robin.”

Bruce glared at him for the longest time before he turned, “Don’t ever speak to me again.”

Of all the people, he would’ve thought Dick would understand, but even the more cheerful counterpart to Batman was...less than pleased. Especially when Tim showed up on his front door with an apology. Dick spent the next hour denying he was Nightwing.

“Dick, I’m not dumb. I still remember the day at the carnival,” Tim fished the photo from his jacket, “The day we took this picture together.”

It was Tim and Dick years younger on the night Dick’s parents died, their performance sabotaged by Zucco. Dick was holding Tim while their parents stood happily behind them. Tim wearing a big baby faced smile. Seeing his parents’ faces made Dick grimace. Tim quickly put the photo away.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

It was a bad move to mention the man’s parents, an old scar that he’d opened up unwittingly. Dick held face and his eyes became stern.

“What do you want, Tim, this is beyond you.”

“What I want is to help, Bruce is taking things harder and he’s trying to do it alone. He doesn’t believe me, no one does, I came to you because I hoped-”

“No,” Dick said, finality in his tone, “No way in hell.”

“But-”

The sudden bang as Dick brought his cup down hard on the table made Tim nearly jump right off his chair.

“No! You have no idea what it’s like. It’s not fun and games, people get hurt if you make a mistake,” you won’t last a week so just stop, forget it.”

Dick had enough of the discussion, glancing at the clock. Get out. The unspoken words rang out, striking Tim in his heart. He thought-, he’d hoped, it might work out this time but there was little chance if not even Dick believed in him. Tim nodded and left promptly.

He may not be able to join their fight in person but at least he could drop important information disguised as someone else. Tim was a computer genius at a young age and he was nothing if not persistent. Informer became a vital addition to their missions, his information drops invaluable. All the while they’d assumed it was a mysterious person who had established himself elsewhere, never Tim.

When Jason returned, Tim felt the thread in his network tremble. Red Hood, notorious avenger and unabashed killer of criminals. He was so different from the Robin he’d met one night it was frightening but Tim hoped still that there was a way to redeem the former Robin. So he pulled some strings, dropped notes until they all found out thanks to Oracle and her superior tracing, they managed to trace the trail all the way back to the little ten year old. No, they definitely weren’t pleased, especially when they realized that Tim had taken advantage of a loophole. It was as if, he had a feeling, that they were angry or disturbed that he was far more crafty for a little boy his age should be. True.

What truly scared Tim though, was that Jason had said nothing while Dick and Bruce lay into him with all the reprimanding, but his body was tense. Wound tighter than a spring and ready to break. A storm was brewing.

Tim startled awake and realized where he was, back in the present and in his bedroom lit only by the glow of his computer. He sighed and kneaded gently at the knots in his neck and between his eyes. His memories haunted him even in sleep or what little there was of it. He wished he could boast that he’d gotten over those years, the hurt, but it still weighed on his conscious and subconscious. Perhaps, in time, but certainly not for the time being.

He can hear the rustling behind him as he worked on the latest client, well, victim actually, but they didn’t need to know that. The noise is intentional. Tim knows because Tiamat, as beautiful as he is, is frightening all the same. Too much shadow and of enough human on the outside. He’s used to it by now or else he’d have jumped up a few feet off his chair like the first time he slithered up behind him. It’s been a while since Tim first brought him home but already they fit, it’s...weird though, he’s...

“Happy Birthday,” a soft voice hummed by his ear. A body slithered up behind him. He could almost feel the grin.

“It’s still a few days off,” Tim chuckled.

“Hmm,” Tiamat let out a soft breath, a chuckle, “I wanted to say it first.”

“Congratulations, you got to say it first before all the other goofballs get here.”

Tiamat’s expression dropped a bit, “I won’t be able to when they do.”

He always disappeared when they arrived, slinking off into the shadows in Tim’s room and avoiding them all together. Usually, he’d still be there, watching from the shadows. If Raven was there, he’d be gone completely. He’d rather not, Tim quite enjoyed the feeling of Tiamat’s presence in the room, though the others unaware of his new roommate did not, for some strange reason. Beast Boy would always note a certain uneasiness. Tim would shrug it off. He was certain it would be a bad idea to tell them judging by their reactions alone. They might even end up fighting.

Tiamat was still recovering from the wounds he’d gotten when Tim found him on the banks of a nearby river, severely weakened and shivering like an injured animal. He brought the stranger back and tended to him as much as he could. He couldn’t eat anything for some reason, nothing Tim brought him helped They were tentative at first, Tim didn’t know how to deal with this strange creature that had literally fallen outside his doorstep and Tiamat,  a shadowy figure who looked strangely familiar was shiftier than a cat, he spent a lot of the time staring straight at Tim and didn’t speak, not until he’d seemed to have acquired all he needed to know about the boy.

“I never told you my Birthday,” Tim remarked, a question disguised as a statement but he knows the answer.

“Our birth dates are similar across worlds, Tim,” not one but many, many more Tim Drake’s out there, this one was his shadowy mirror. Honestly, he’d never imagined meeting another him, less likely imagine himself in a form like this. Tiamat has mostly abandoned his former life.

“Is it strange?...” to call me by your name? Our names. We’re supposed to be the same but we’re so different. Tim doesn’t say it out loud but Tiamat smiles a smile of many answers and more questions. He stops and jerks to look at the window.

“They’re here,” Tiamat hissed, drifting off into smoke. Just as the knocking on his window drew Tim’s attention. He padded over and pushed it open to greet two teenagers and a green bird.

“Hey there, Tim,” Kon said with his lopsided smile, “Can we come in?”

“Sure,” Tim stepped back and allowed them to float closer and climb through, Beast Boy flew in and settled on the carpet as he transformed back into a boy. Without acknowledging his guests further, Tim went over to turn his computer off. Thankfully, nothing unscrupulous was open, but just to be safe. Kon looked around, his ears perking.

“Guess they’re not home again?” he said rather disappointed for Tim.

“Three month trip this time, they won’t be for a good while.”

“That’s no way to live,” Cassie said.

“You’d be surprised how a people can live once they get used to it, so,” Tim sat down casually at his desk, twirling around to face them, “How can I help you?”

Con shifted uneasily from foot to foot as if unsure of how he was going to form his next words. Cass elbowed him rather harshly as Tim waited patiently for the response.

“Well uh, we’ve hung out a lot at your place and the Titans haven’t really thought of going anywhere else, and uh, we found a pretty cool spot recently while we were busting some alien asses last time, that was so cool you should’ve seen- OW!” Kon yelled as Cass elbowed him again, this time a bit harder, “Geez, you’re gonna bruise me. So I was saying, since we found a pretty cool spot I thought all of us could-”

“Oh for goodness sake,” an irritated bratty voice growled as another figure hopped onto the window sill, “Can’t your small half-kryptonian brain at least form one simple request?”

Damian was Robin now, congratulations, and part of the Teen Titans. Something Tim would have dreamed of in another lifetime. From the looks of it, and the silence that still graced Tim, Robin hadn’t disclosed anything about his mentor to the Bats, just as he’d asked. But now, there was awkward tension between them, Tim could guess that somewhere in Damian’s mind, he was still confused as to why Tim wouldn’t want his father and now brothers to know about him. That he was required to treat him as a stranger and whenever they met.

However, Robin respected his decision and even covered for him whenever Kon or anyone was close to revealing Tim’s role in their lives. Tim owed him an explanation, he really wished he could, but some things are better left unknown. Tim glanced at Robin briefly before turning back to the three amigos.

“So, where is this place we’re going?”

Later, when the whole group had left, settled back in his chair, exhausted mostly by the strain of having to talk more than usual. Normally, he wouldn’t be so exhausted, Tim wouldn’t exert himself so, but having to deal with so many people, with Kon and his endearing idiocy sometimes and have all the patience of a sage pushed Tim a little further than usual. His health hasn't been right, since the fall, and the depression that followed. He’s never been a fittest but he’s sure things would’ve been slightly different if he’d had any reason to train his body. But no, what’s the point, so what if he had a failing defective, body. It wasn’t as if anybody would care.

“Why do you push yourself for them?” A whispering voice reached around, seemingly to wrap around Tim and comfort him. He nestled in his chair not even caring that the lights had gone out.

“I don't usually, but it's been getting worse,” Tim let his fall back on the headrest, “I don't know, I don't know why I….That's not true, is it?”

A face in the darkness, reflecting his own, Older and beautiful, they both have the same eyes. This dark soul that bound himself to Tim. He could feel his own stained heart whenever he looked at the shadow, like a cancer spreading over him. Maybe that's why he does it. To cling on to the light he found even if he'd convinced himself the opposite. So irritating and yet, the times when Kon made him laugh, when he and Raven formed a powerful pair of sarcasm and dry wit, when he genuinely admired Cyborg's good taste in technology and pizza, those moments were when he felt most human. Not an object useless or otherwise, made to be on display, discarded and pushed away. Moments when Kon held or brushed against him, when his eyes held a certain unnamed emotion for Tim, was when Tim felt more like a person, enough to start loving again.

“You love them don't you?” it wasn’t a question and Tiamat did not wait for an answer, “And him, far more deeply.”

“What? No, no I...he’s a friend too, he-, he was the first person who treated me like another person and not something with a name on it,” the first person to call Tim by name, “But I don’t...there’s nothing between us.”

He was lying to his own reflection, or he might as well been because those eyes were looking straight through him. Into his heart.

“I can’t...”

“Because you are weak, and broken?”

Thou art weak, a poor broken child

“I can’t...”

“That you can be thrown away?”

Easily thrown aside, thy heart’s love

“Please,” Tim felt himself collapsing without even realizing he was no longer seated, that he’d gotten up only a few seconds later. It was so dark, he couldn’t eve see what he was doing. He felt hands on his face, covering it, his hands, he wanted to cry but they’d dried up long ago.

“I don’t want to go back, I was an idiot, I don’t want to go back to being an idiot, I don’t care what I have to become.”

Hands not his but his likeness, smooth as silk yet cold and solid as marble until they conjured fire from their palms gently slid his own down from his eyes, sapphire eyes glowing in the shadow stared deeply and tenderly into his, capturing his soul as Tiamat spoke, “You have time, when your decision is made, ask me again.”

Time still remains, when thy decision is made, call upon me once more

[clydesdonovan]

Cartman 👀

give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character:

Cartman is a very tricky little dude. It’s no question that he’s… pretty terrible tbh. He’s done a lot of horrible, awful, unforgivable things and he has hurt a lot of people. But. Idk. I still have a soft spot for him. Full disclosure, this is geared more towards early Cartman, when he had a conscience even if he ignored it, and he was really just an attention starved lonely, sad little boy. I still picture him that way even though it doesn’t really fit modern Eric, and truthfully… idk how to feel about modern Eric. I go back and forth. Sometimes he’s okay, sometimes I don’t like him. Like I said, it’s tricky.

okay to no one’s surprise this got so lengthy SO under the cut she goes!!

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

ummm honestly the only person coming to mind rn is Kenny lol. I’m not a huge fan of stanman, but their canon dynamic is so interesting to me so I guess maybe? Possibly? Idk lol. It’s hard to ship Eric with a lot of the characters bc he’s pretty awful to nearly all of them.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

Purely for the analyses and meta, Eric and Kyle. Their relationship is extremely interesting to me. I don’t think I’ll ever see them romantically but I can’t deny their dynamic being probably one of the most intriguing in the series tbh.

Also Butters! I can’t really ship them romantically bc, again, Eric is… kinda horrible to him lol. But I really adore their weird little friendship. Especially if/when Butters holds his own against Eric in their schemes.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

Idk how “unpopular” this is, it’s probably really not at all lol, but I don’t believe Eric is incapable of redemption. It would take a lot of time, a lot of growth and making amends, but. I don’t think he’s unable to be “saved” and find a good, healthy lifestyle for himself and good, healthy relationships with people.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

Honestly I just want him to have a happy life. Despite his flaws, I think post-covid Eric was the closest thing we ever saw to a truly happy and fulfilled Cartman. I want him to find a life like that again! But maybe with less secrets and lies and running from his problems lol. Cause, ya know, that isn’t healthy or happy at all.

Also this will never happen but I would’ve loved to see a funny brother dynamic between Eric and Scott. The chili carnival obviously killed even any possible chance of that LOL but it’s fun to imagine otherwise.

Favorite friendship for this character:

Butters and Kenny!! I also really love some of Eric and Stan’s interactions, so I guess them too maybe? Eric is soft for Stan a lot, so. There’s a lot to explore there imo.

My crossover ship:

I honestly have no answer for this fjsjdkf I’m sorry but I don’t really do crossovers 🫣

[meshugana1]

New suggestion

A hypnotist makes two best friends (of the same age) think they’re mother and daughter. One loses 7 years, and the other gains 14

Can do, will do.

   The first thing Patty and Valerie noticed was the scent of stall popcorn that hung in the air. The brightly colored lights and the shouting of food vendors was a delightfully nostalgic addiction. Patty was the first to recall that the pair met at an event much like this one. It was a small county carnival, barely more than a farmers market with a few rides around. Patty clung to her mother's skirt, confused and intimidated by the smells and sounds of the big crowd until a bubbly girl with cotton candy all over her face ran up and said: “Hi I’m Vally, want some?” They were inseparable after that. Fate even seemed on their side. It turned out they lived on the same street, had the same school and thankfully had many similar interests. There were countless slumber parties and little adventures around the town. They even managed to remain int he same schools all the way into college. But all things, eventually, must come to an end.

   “So,” Patty said, “I hear that the arts program in California is pretty good. I’m sure you’ll do wonderful there.” Valerie nodded, she was excited to be pursuing her dream at long last. Sculpting wasn’t exactly the coolest art form but it brought her a zen-like peace. “Yay, it’s gonna be great. And what about you? I heard that the trade program you’re in is pretty fast-tracked,” Valerie said. “Yeah, they already have us making chesterfields,” Patty said trying to sound enthused for herself. She came from a long line of trade workers and it was only natural that she followed in their footsteps, but a big piece of her wasn’t in it. It was going with her friend to California to be a struggling artist.

   Patty looked at her friend, a long look trying to memorize the best things about her. There were thousands of pictures of the two together but Patty never quite felt that a picture really captured a person. A slight breeze rustled Valerie’s strawberry blond hair. Her skin had a golden tinge to it, she hated being stuck indoors and always spent her free time chipping away at her next masterpiece in the sun. It wasn’t a cool evening so she had worn a plain looking denim skirt that displayed her legs like so many of her sculptures. Her frame was thicker than the average twenty-one-year-olds, due to her constant stonework the past few years. Her arms were laced with definite muscle.

   As was common among great friends their thinking often paralleled the others and Valerie was memorizing the face of her beautiful friend. Patty’s hair was shorter and brown, but that didn’t stop it from having an incredible shine even in a dim room. She wore a much simpler outfit than Valerie, just yoga pants and a boyfriend sweater. Patty never did quite shake that shy modesty she had as a child but over the years her time with Valerie mad things easier. Patty had a much slimmer build than her friend but only where the muscle was concerned. The sweater was long enough to conceal most of the young woman body, but even still the outline of her curves was hard to miss. Her breasts were large but not distractingly so as was the case with many women in her family, but what didn’t make it up top found its way to her bottom with a vengeance. Even the sweater did little to hide the nubile, round butt of the young carpenter. It was not known to anyone, but if ever Valerie sculpted a woman she used Patty as her mental model.

   The two walked down the center of the carnival, neither one saying it but both knowing that this was the last hurrah of their friendship for some time. Valerie first saw the signpost over the tent. “Hey Patty, check that out,” Valerie said, “Edwin the Incredible, master of mesmerization and prestidigitation, sound’s kinda fun. We should check it out. When they entered the tent they were greeted by a very young man, no more than eighteen, in an ill-fitting top hat and cape. “Oh! Uh, welcome to the…uh, the den of mystery! I am the Incredible Edwin! Master of the mystic arts!” It was not a well-delivered introduction, and the girls could've sworn that you could hear a cricket inside the empty tent. The pair glanced at each other, unsure of their next move. Valerie spoke up first, “I thought it was Edwin the Incredible?” The young man’s shoulders visibly slumped, “Sorry about that, I’m not really him I’m just the owner's kid. I guess the old guy had a heart attack and had to go to the hospital so I’m filling in, as best I can,” the young man said, “but I guess you can tell I’m not that good.” The maternal instinct was strong in Valerie and she swooped in to comfort the young man. “Hey, it’s your first day right? Why don’t you show us all your tricks and then we can talk you up to other people? You’ll have a big crowd before you know it.”

   It was the usual bag of tricks. The young man opened with some card tricks, inexperienced though he was. He connected three seemingly solid rings, he sawed a woman in half which is much less impressive when the woman is a dummy, he disappeared and reappeared several times, and with each trick, his confidence seemed to grow. “All right, Ladies. Now, Edwin the Incredible will perform incredible feats of hypnosis!” he said. He drew from his left pocket a long golden chain and dangling from its end was an ornate pocket watch. It was unlike any watch that the girls had seen. It had ornate pattern engraved in silver along its surface and the tick-tock of the arms was loud enough to fill the tent. “Gaze into the face of this pocket watch and come under my power!” he said with more confidence than the two thought was possible.

   A slight motion and the pocket watch began to sway. Both of the girls played along and focused their attention on the prop. Neither of them believed in hypnosis but it was very easy to get lost in the intricate patterns of the watches silver inlays. Even on the clocks white face, they could make out light patterns. It was actually jarring for the two when they heard a deafening snap. “Welcome back ladies, I believe you’ll find that you are now totally within my power. Now, Ms. Patty, why don’t you start hopping up and down like a bunny for us?” he said snapping his fingers. It wasn’t an outrageous request so Patty obliged and began hopping. Her arms were held in front of her with her wrists high and her fingers pointed down. Each bounce sent her chest wild, but it was safely hidden inside her sweater. “And you Ms. Valerie, why don’t you start acting like a chicken?” he said again snapping his fingers. Valerie wanted to giggle at the classic hypnosis move but also didn’t want to embarrass him. She tucked her arms behind her back and bent forward, bobbing her head every which way and clucking periodically as she mimed searching for grain. The young man looked at his helpful audience and sighed relieved, if only these girls could work as plants in the audience then I’d be all set, he thought.

   “Thanks for helping me, this has been huge. But the old guy usually ended on a kind of weird twist, so don’t feel like you have to do it. I’m just gonna practice the delivery. Hm, hm. Now, ladies and gentlemen, I will…um, I’ll bend time itself!” he said throwing his arms out and trying to add gravitas to his voice. “Patty,” he said. This time he held the watch and swung it in front of her, “When I snap my fingers you will have aged into a beautiful, sexy, thirty-five-year-old MILF on the prowl for a new man!” He then turned to Valerie, “And what is a mother without a child? Valerie, when I snap my fingers you will age backward, and become a shy young girl of fourteen.” He took a step back and raised his empty hand to the sky, then with a deft motion snapped his fingers. “And after a bit I’d change you two back, sorry if it was a little risqué but dad says you should always…” he said. He stopped when he looked at the glassy-eyed expression on the young women faces.

   Patty had heard of a person’s life flashing before their eyes but she hadn’t experienced it until now. It was like someone had put her on fast forward. She saw her and Valerie separating, her apprenticeship at her families shop, her meeting her husband, her daughters birth, her divorce, she experienced everything in the blink of an eye. It was the opposite for Valerie. Her entire life seemed to unravel and change in an instant, she lost the last few years of college, her sculpting history, all the boyfriends she had, gone. Then another history altogether took root.

   The two twenty-one-year-olds came out of their trances simultaneously. Patty regained control of herself first. Her body language was totally different, she moved her hips more slowly and she had a more relaxed posture about her. Her eyes set on the young man before her in a predatory gaze. “So,” she said as she rolled her hips toward him, “you said your daddy owns this place huh? That means you probably come from a rich family, right?” She grabbed the young man’s shoulders as a confused blush overtook him. “I really do love a family man,” she said biting her bottom lip as she moved in closer and closer. “Ugh, Mom! Would you please not embarrass me for like, a minute? I’m gonna be a freshman this year, I can’t have my mom hitting on guys my age, it’s gross!” Valerie said. Her mom was so embarrassing, but truth be told she did admire her mom's brazen confidence. “Oh, I see, sweetie. Well don’t worry, I’m sure this young man would be happy to go out with you instead,” Patty said. She knew she could be a little over the top but she did love it when her shy little girl showed an interest in the opposite sex, she had so much she could teach her. “M…Mom!” Valerie said with crimson cheeks, “Jeez, it’s not…I mean I…why are you so embarrassing?!”

   The young man looked back and forth between the young women. They had to just be acting, they couldn’t really have…Then it came to him. The watch. The old guy had taken his watch with him, so he had to get a replacement for the show. He got this one from this weird lady at a hole in the wall shop. She said he needed to be careful with it, and never to look at its face. It was crazy, but what else could explain this. Before he could work out a way to fix these two poor girls, Patty’s big cumbersome bottom worker against her. She turned around to better address her little girl and her bottom pushed the young frazzled man. His foot tripped on a loose bit of paper that had floated into the tent and he went crashing to the ground.

   The only noise he heard was a loud crunch. He felt Patty’s arms around him as she helped him up, apologizing for her clumsy butt. On the ground was the watch, it was crushed and there was glass everywhere. Its hands were bent out of shape. He didn’t know much about watches but it didn’t look fixable. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just so darn clumsy. Why don’t I give you my number? Then you can call and I can pay you back, somehow.” Patty said. “Mooom? Let’s go, this place is boring,” Valerie said. “Well kids are a-callin', I’ll see you later maybe?” Patty said as she left the tent. The young man followed after the two, unsure of how he could help them. He saw them walking away. Patty had removed her sweater, her bosom on display in a white tank top and Valerie following behind her moaning and asking her new mother not to embarrass her more.

The end. Hope Y’all like it!

[anonymous-hopeful]

The Soul Society (Chapter Two: And We Shall Ride Forevermore)

First chapter is here:https://anonymous-hopeful.tumblr.com/post/168367064353/the-soul-society-chapter-one-snow-melts-with

Elder Kettle sat alone in his room, his cane tapping the floor. Once the members of the society had left for the brief recess, he had checked on the young sippy cups laying asleep in their cribs. Both Cuphead and Mugman hadn't awoken during Chill E.'s storytelling, thank goodness, and after a quick kiss and a fixing of the covers, he left the young to their rest. The kettle smiled fondly; he remembered that it wasn't too long ago when the stork had left the babies at his doorstep. In fact, it was a few months after the casino was built. There was no doubt in the elder's mind that during that time when everything felt dark and despaired, the two innocent babies wrapped in swaddling cloths had just brought him all of the joy in the world. As he reminesed on that fateful day, a knocking on the door had interrupted his thoughts.

Sighing, Elder Kettle eased up from his rocking chair and made his way to the door, finding himself surprised when he saw the Blind Spectre on the other side.

"Spectre? Don't ya have somethin' ta do with the Phantom Express?", Elder Kettle asked, displaying a look of concern.

"Yes...well, um...I should but...I just...wanted to look...at the babies.". Spectre explained, a nervousness in his voice.

Elder Kettle thought for a moment. Spectre, as he now is, was an optimistic, charming young lad, especially when he was human, despite his total blindness and speech impediment. Ever since what...happened...however, he was gifted with vision in his afterlife, and from then he had spent his free time seeing everything he had missed in Inkwell Isle. Giving a gentle smile, Elder Kettle had let Spectre in, and allowed him to see the sippy cups.

Grinning wide, Spectre opened up his eyes, or rather, his hands, to see the little ones.

"Oh...they're adorable...I wish they...were awake...so then I could...hold them.", Spectre said, a genuine happiness in his voice.

Elder Kettle nodded, agreeing with the spirit. "You still haven't told me why you had to look at the boys so urgently.".

"Um...well...I can...see...into the future!", he proclaimed, before adding, "I see those two saving us all...no more debts...".

This had piqued Elder Kettle's interest. "Really, now? Well, what exactly didja see?".

The Blind Spectre tapped his chin. "I can't...describe it well...I think they destroyed them...but I'm not sure why...or how they...got them in...the first place.".

Before Elder Kettle could respond, the grandfather clock in the living room had rung, signalling the end of the recess...

Even though they were often called by nicknames (T-Bone, the blind lad, and simply the twins), they did indeed have real names. Yes, not many would know, but the men who worked the Inkwell Express were originally from somewhere else on the globe, a place that didn't have the astounding magics of Inkwell Isle, but where the people spoke eloquently with a rich and fluttering accent that made the poorest of pesants sound regal. The one called T-Bone, the oldest member of the Express crew, had the name Thomas Hardwick. He himself had spent majority of his life in the fancy magic-void place, making a living as an engineer.

The twins, slightly older than the blind lad, but only by a few years, were Billy and Bobby Blayzon. They certainly were an interesting duo; styled their hair the same, always finished each other's sentences, never separated from one another. Thomas had found them trying to sleep in one of the train's freight cars one night in a blustering winter, the only thing keepng them warm being their ragged overalls and a single piece of cloth barely large enough to cover one brother. When confronted, they had told their story; their mother would terrorize them, beating their bodies since they could breathe. Without a father to protect them, the boys suffered until one day, when they had stowed away enough supplies, they had escaped, and hadn't looked back since then. The young teens begged the older man to let them stay, and Thomas, feeling pity, would teach them how the locomotive worked, having them do a job in exchange for a home, and at the slight expense of Thomas, cash.

The blind lad would not come into the picture until many years later. While the lad was a teenager, the twins were in their twenties, and Thomas was almost fifty-eight. A group of people were loading into the train to travel to far destinations; for some, it was work, for othera, it was school or home. One fateful day, the lad had boarded the bus. Even though he hadn't a stick or a dog, Thomas could tell he was blind. His eyes were a haunting shade of blue, and they'd loll about carelessly, never focusing on one thing. Somehow, the lad had managed to make his way on, find an empty seat, and crack open a book without any assistance. Feeling the need to talk to the boy, Thomas made his way over to him and sat down.

"Are ya new here?"

"Hm?", the lad answered, his head turning to the sound of the older man's voice.

"Are ya new? I ain't seen the likes of ya here before."

"What a thick accent...are you from...the countryside?"

Thomas looked at him, confused.

"Uh-"

"Sorry...Random question... I'm new here, yes...It was rather easy ...navigating my way, however.... I told mother... I'd be fine by... myself, after all, I did graduate ...Nottingham's School for the Impaired... with top honors, and... even my assistant says... that I'm more ...than able to get around.... without trouble. I just use... my hands as eyes,... they work just as ...well, if not better... that actual eyes.".

The blind lad chuckled before continuing.

"My name is... Emery Spectre, my apologies... for not mentioning sooner. I've been told ...I have a high level of... brain power. One day, I hope... to be the first blind person... to operate a locomotive...ambitious, huh?".

Thomas grinned, though he knew Emery couldn't see him.

"Well, if yer interested, I happen ta be the conductor of this here train.".

Emery was quiet for a moment, before replying, "I will most... definitely consider.".

The years had passed, and every day Emery could be spotted on the train.

"Do you think boss will-", Bobby began.

"Let Emery work train?" Billy finished, looking at Thomas with bright eyes.

This would eventually work, and Thomas was going to implore that Emery work with them, when one day, the blind lad had came to the train exclaiming that he was invited to work a train on a remote island, and that Thomas, Billy, and Bobby should come as well. Against better judgement, the three agreed, and all were on the next ferry to Inkwell Isle.

Now, Thomas, Bobby and Billy, and Emery were known as some of the few humanfolk on the Isle, and conductors of the magical Inkwell Express, who was a sentient being itself.

"Look's like we're nearin' the second part of the Isle, Head.", Thomas warned.

Nodding in response, the Head of the Train prepared to brake, coming to a slow and squeaky stop.

"Uh oh. That doesn't sound good.", the Head stated, taking a look at its brakes.

"Seems like we'll have ta cut this run short...Emery, could ya ask someone on the Isle ta warn everyone about the Devil?", Thomas inquired.

"Sure, of course...I'll be back soon!", Emery replied, getting off the train to travel around the carnival around them.

Who would be the best to spread the word around this part of the Isle? Grim and Wally could fly, but Grim had a stuttering problem, sort of like he did, and Wally refused to leave his nest for anything. That left Djimmi, Beppi, and the Baroness. Emery stopped to think a bit. Who was the most mature and efficient? Actually, that didn't take much thought. Now, Emery was making his way to the Baroness' castle.

The huge thing growled at him with a mean grimace as he stood in front of it.

"Pardon me, but...I have news for ...the Baroness, and I ...mean no harm.", Emery stated calmly, soon after hearing the clicking of high heels down stairs.

"Aha! I thought that was your sweet voice, lad! Please excuse my castle; he isn't used to the sight of you yet, as you barely come by! Tell me, what news do you have?", the Baroness inquired, quite merrily.

"I regret to ...inform you that ...the Devil's Casino ...is up and running. We on the ...Inkwell Express had ...come to warn everyone ...on this part of the Isle ...and the next, however... the Express isn't ...at it's peak performance. I implore you ...to tell everyone ...on this part ...of the Isle.", Emery answered.

"Oh my! I shall! I shall, and right away, too! Sir Waffington! Gather the other members of the court! We have a mission to fulfill!", Baroness von Bon Bon cried out as she went back into the castle. A moment later, she came back out to say,

"Tell Rumor that I said hello, and come back soon, sweetheart!".

Emery gave a nod and a smile as he went back to the Express.

"I told the Baroness... and she promised to ...spread the word. Will we be ...able to make a ...stop at the... first part of ...the Isle?", Emery asked, a twist of excitement in his voice.

"Ye know the train ain't working right. Why do you-!"

Thomas yelped as the train came to another squeaking halt. Immediately, he looked to the twins, who's hands were grasping the brake.

"He wants to see flower...", Bobby whistled.

"Ya know...Cagney.", Billy finished with a snicker.

Thomas rolled his eyes. Emery was an exemplary man, but there was absolutely no way Thomas could make sense of the whole...flower thing...maybe he was still getting used to the Isle, or all the weird magic, which he was also getting used to, but at the moment, he never thought about falling in love with any odd being, more or less falling in love with a flower, and a male flower at that, yet here he was, and there went Emery, into the forest to find the carnation he was so fond of.

"Cagney? Cagney...? This forest was...always difficult to...navigate...", Emery sighed, before a familiar voice (and an unfamiliar voice) caught his attention.

"Ya wouldn't believe it, Cags! That's the fifth time today one of us has been plucked from the ground! The punk lady didn't even ask or check if he was alright! She just turned around and gave him to her friend, like a gift! I'm tellin' ya, Cags, the vegetation of Inkwell Isle barely get any pod-pickin' respect! More so the flowers! Plucked from the dirt and made into bouquets and decor! One day I oughta-".

"Calm down, Dave, you don't want to loose your petals again! Though I agree with you completely! We must establish our dominance, not just in the forest, but in the rest of the isle! Extreme pollination, total domination!".

"Haha, yes! This is why yer the flower's flower, Cags! Extreme pollination, total domination, that's what you say! If only! One day, at least...humph.".

Nervous, Emery turned toward the voices. He had taken a step, than another, before managing to step on a rather loud...something.

"Wha?! Who is it this time?!", the small, angry flower grumbled.

"Emery? Oh my, how much of that conversation did you hear...?", Cagney chuckled nervously.

"All the same...you and your plan...I'm terribly sorry ...for your friend.", Emery replied.

"Ah, save it. Yer lucky ya only stepped on a branch. Dang humans, ruinin' the welfare...", the flower muttered, stomping away.

"You'll have to pardon my friend, David Daysie, he isn't as open-minded about humans as others.", Cagney apologised.

"Oh, no, it's not...an issue, I just...wanted to talk with...you before we...on the Inkwell Express...head back.", the other proclaimed.

" Oh, you're too kind! Nice to have someone, a human, who understands the pain that flowers are subjected to. If only there were more like you.", Cagney sighed.

Emery had inched forward, his hands in front of him, until he felt Cagney's soft petals. Remembering again the structure of Cagney's face, Emery cupped his lower petals and kissed the flower on his forehead.

"There are more, you'll see...". Emery sighed.

"Heh...humans understanding us? Never...Inkwell Express, huh?"

A while later, Emery had returned to the train.

"Thank goodness. We gotta be headin' back now, the trains getting more wonky.", Thomas warned.

"Uh oh...let's hurry back...", Emery concurred.

"I can handle this last ride back!", the head of the train claimed, as he began to work his way down the track.

The first moments for the ride back were fine, and the head was having no problem. After rounding a turn however, the head, as well as the crew, noticed that something was wrong.

"Hey, shouldn't we be slowing down?", Thomas asked as the train accelerated more.

"Well, yes, but...I'm not slowing down for some reason. Last time we checked, I thought it was the engine that wasn't workin!," Head exclaimed.

"Billy? Bobby?", Thomas inquired.

"Don't look at us!", Bobby cried.

"We didn't break anything!", Billy added.

Thomas nodded. "Well, then, if the brakes aren't working, I guess...hey, where's that lever?".

The crew looked at the control panel, nearly jumping in horror at the reveal of no manual brake lever.

"Yikes! We've been sabotoged!", Thomas cried out in fear.

"What? What are we...to do?", Emery asked, shaken.

"I...um, well, we can't jump, so...", Thomas replied, looking over at the others.

"Huh? No, you aren't...", Billy gasped.

"...saying what we think?", Bobby whimpered.

"We're in a runaway train, going who knows how fast...I don't know what to do!", Thomas panicked.

"Wait! I'll keep us going until we can come to a safe stop. We aren't giving up yet!", the head yelled.

"Head, I applaud ya, but this train is going to crash! Yeah, we'll keep going, but what about those mountains, or the amusement park? We have to accept that we're not making it out of here. There's no way.", Thomas sighed.

"But I could save you all at least! I don't want ya dead! Not on my watch! Couldn't I try?", the head pleaded.

"Head...listen when I say this...crash the train.". Thomas ordered.

"But...but...", Emery stuttered.

"Wait! Couldn't we-", Bobby chimed, before being cut off with Thomas yelling, with tears bursting out of his eyes,

"JUST CRASH THE DAMN TRAIN!!"

and the head silently agreeing...

The thunderous crash was heard throughout the Isle. Nearly, no, everybody knew what had happened. The wreckage was an atrocity, for when the train had collided with the side of the mountain in the third part of the Isle, there was a slight outbreak of fire fueled by the train's tinder. The head was busted and dented, just barely hanging by a shoestring. The others...practically crushed, even charred.

"A train wreck? How awful...King Dice?"

"Why, yes, boss?"

"Let's see if we can't get some free souls.".

King Dice, dressed dapper and stylish as always, walked out to the wreckage. In the side of the mountain, near the casino, lay the busted train. Scowling, the die surveyed the area, seeing if there was anyone on the train to deal with. He had peeked inside one of the passenger cars of the locomotive, cringing when he saw the bloodied and broken bodies inside. Shaking his head, he looked around a bit more, spying the Head of the train crying weakly though busted beams.

"Rough day, eh pal?", King Dice inquired, his best expression of sorrow on his face.

Gradually, the Head looked over at the die, not able to muster a word.

"I don't blame you. It's not everyday something like this happens. I never rode the Express myself, but I've heard good news about it. I mean, twins, a blind lad, and a conductor from a foriegn land running a train? Amazing, in itself. If only there was a way to, I don't know, bring it all back? To continue riding on?.", Dice hinted, a smirk making its way to his face.

The Head didn't speak, more...coughed, but King Dice continued on nonetheless.

"I can't bring them back from the dead, per se, however, I could them, and the train an afterlife! Train for the dead! How about that? Instead of the Inkwell Express, it could be the uh...Phantom Express! Yes, the Phantom Express. How does that sound?', King Dice asked the Head.

"...y.....ye...yes....", the Head uttered.

"Well, it won't take much. All you'd have to do is sign a soul contract. It's a fair deal; I make your friends undead train conductors, you sign the souls over to me and my boss, and hand them over when it's time. We got a deal?", Dice implored with a sleazy look about him.

With the wave of his hand, a contract appeared, a blank line waiting to be signed.

"All ya gotta do is say yes."...

[sky-girls]

Gift card

this is obviously au cause I don’t know a canon and also there’s no ikea in argentina but mostly this is a birthday gift for the sweetest person ever @lifesruiner Happy birthday pili!  you deserve the best and nothing less and I hope this is at least little bit close

She doesn’t know if she’s panicking or if she is happy, maybe a healthy dose of both mixed together, or maybe this weird feeling on the pit of her stomach is just nasua she is not sure. Anything and everything seems possible now.

She sits herself on the bathroom floor, crossed legged, stunned at the two lines in front of her, they are a soft pink and yet they feel like neon signs hanging on the bathroom telling her how her life is about to give a 180 turn. She hears Matteo’s voice announcing that he’s home and she quickly gets rid if the test,throwing the stick into the trash and hiding the box on her make up bag so Matteo doesn’t come across it by accident,she wants to tell him, of course but she needs to be completely sure this is true, damn Matteo himself will want to be completely sure, so there’s has to be medical testing involved.

“Love?” Matteo calls and Luna leaves the bathroom.

“I’m here.” She says smiling when she opens the door, despite the fact that she feels like her whole world has been shaken up she thinks she is doing a great job at being casual.

“Are you okay?” Or maybe she’s not.

“Yeah, this thesis is killing me.” She shrugs. “Just that.”

“Come here.” He says with a smirk pulling her closer to his body, she puts her arms around his neck kissing him shortly. “Don’t worry, grad school is worse.”

She bites her lower lip, if that test is right she won’t be able to go to grad school for a while but she  can still do some research for work here and write papers.

“That’s not reassuring at all.” She says and he leans in to give her a slow soft kiss.

“I’m not here to reassure you.” He says pulling away and dropping his backpack on the bed. “I’m here to show you the harsh reality.”

“That’s not nice.” She pouts sitting on the bed. “Aren’t you like supposed to convince people that learning is good and keep them in the path of enlightenment  or some shit?”

A weird part of her brain scolds her for saying the word shit but most of it reminds it that the baby probably doesn’t even have ears yet. The baby such a weird thing to think, there’s something inside her, something that  one day will be a full human being. Wow, just wow.

She feels like if she focus hard enough she will feel them there, feel this new life growing inside her, no matter how ridiculous it sounds.

“That’s still not really official.” He says with a smirk making her roll her eyes and let herself fall back into the bad.

“But you have the title and there’s just a few more months until you get the actual job.” She says looking at the ceiling, in a few months they will both be mostly settled, they will both have their titles, they will both be working, the only thing making this perfect picture uncomplete is the fact that they’re not married but they are engaged, been for a long time now and it’s not even like it matters, they love each other, what else do they really need?

“If you are not here to reassure me then why are you even here?” She asks when he doesn’t answer, she hears the rustle of clothes being discarded and when he comes to hover over her he is not wearing a shirt, the tattoo on his arm are as always distracting and she starts softly tracing its pattern with her fingers making him smile.

“To feed you of course.” Matteo tells her and she smiles up at him, tangling their fingers together and pulling him to lay next to her, he chuckles but lets her do it.

“Are you cooking today?” She asks turning to him and he sighs.

“Actually I’m too tired to cook but I will pay for the delivery.” He tells her and she laughs. “Whatever you want.”

“I want cheap pizza.” She says with a teasing tone and he grimaces. “The one you get from fast food places and has more grease than cheese and it’s so disgusting and unhealthy is delicious.”

“Not that, little lady. “He flicks her nose. “I thought I had thought you well.”

“You didn’t apparently.” She giggles , focusing on tracing the lines of his arm tattoo.

“Why do you eat this kinda crap?” He laughs. “We can perfectly pay for good shit and yet you want to buy this?”

“I’m sorry I don’t have my life as together as you, mister adult.” She pouts and he catches her lower lip with his lips for a short kiss.

“You are an adult too.” He says brushing some hair off her face.

“Yeah but you are like five years older adult.” Luna says. “You are an adult adult, I’m not.”

The words come out with more seriousness that she intends but a small panic starts bubbling in her chest. She can barely take care of herself how is she supposed to take care of someone else.

“Lucky you, you have me.” He smile softly and the pressure on Luna’s chest softens a little, no matter what she has Matteo, he will always be there for her and even if that’s not true for some reason he will always be there for this tiny thing growing inside her that’s from both of them.

“I am.” She whispers, taking her hand to caress his cheek softly. “Lucky to have you I mean.”

“Not as lucky as I am to have you.” He says serious, his eyes impossible soft and Luna leans in closer to give him a slow, soft kiss.

“I’m gonna shower.” He says pulling away with a little smile. “Call the delivery and please don’t be too cruel.”

She laughs as he stands up, he watches him walk to the bathroom, her eyes fixed on his muscular back until he closes the door of the bathroom.

“You still have that good italian delivery flyer on your wallet?”She asks loudly and gets a small yes and she hears the shower go off.

She sits up and starts digging through his bag to get his wallet, despite how tidy and organized he is, this is a mess, she finally find she smiles to herself and takes out the flyer and a some cash to pay for the delivery, just as she does she notices a little card peeking behind a credit one, she slides out carefully smiling when she gets to finally see it.

In front of her eyes there’s the ikea family card Gastón gave Matteo almost three years ago, they had been dating for just a few months, they hadn’t even made anything serious out of it it at this most, just tried not to think about the implications of everything they were doing with Matteo being her ta and everything but somehow Gastón had seen how smitten with each other they were, or in his words, how completely whipped Matteo was for her and had given him this as a joke, she still remembers how flustered they had both gotten when they saw, how they had tossed it aside, pretending it was nothing, she still remembers how surprised she was to find out, months later, that Matteo kept it on his wallet. She slides it in the back pocket of her jeans, she might need it.

She’s pacing the apartment, her heart beating against her chest so fast it seems like it’s setting the beat for a carnival, saying she’s not worried would be a lie, she’s worried, anxious terrified and she wants to curl up and make the world slow down but all these feelings are nothing compared with how happy she is, how elated, how excited.

Matteo will be home soon from his class as substitute professor and she doesn’t know how to do this, how to tell him, she has both the ikea card and the blood test results on her hands and she feels like just throwing them on his face and the run to the bed.

She doesn’t know why she feels like this, it’s not like he would react badly at all, the worst case scenario is that he won’t be as excited as she is but still incredibly happy so there’s no logical reason to be worried. She wonders if she can blame the hormones already.

She sighs maybe a little bit of a dramatic turn would be good for this, just a little. She goes to lock for an envelope, sliding the card inside and then folding the test papers as tiny as she can manage, she walks as calmly as possible to the room, leaving them on top of his pillow and sits on the bed to wait.

Ten, fifteen, twenty minutes pass before she hears the keys on the door, she runs to the bathroom, that wasn’t really part of the plan but apparently she just can’t stay put.

“Luna?” He asks.

“In the bathroom.” She yells as answer, she is looking at herself in the mirror, mentally trying to calm herself down but her hands are shaking and breathings is a little hard right now, she hears steps go into the room and takes a deep shaky breath.

“There’s an envelope in pillow.” He lets her know distractedly, probably thinking it’s for her and she just left it there because she’s a mess. Technically he’s not wrong.

“Yeah.” She exclaims as casually as she can. “Open it.”

She takes one last breath before opening the door, he is showing her his back, his expression impossible to see as he opens the envelope careful, she walks closer to him and manages to see how he takes out the card with a frown.

“What?” He mumbles confused looking at her and she bites her lower, looking down.

“There’s something else in there.” She lets him know and he starts digging for the sheet of paper, he takes his time unfolding it and Luna curses herself for letting anxious energy turn it into the smallest square possible. He’s finally done, his eyes skipping through the letters.

When she looks up his face is expressionless and Luna panics, she truly panics. He doesn’t look happy at all and this was something she never even considered would happen, she’s not ready for this outcome, so not ready. She can feel tears starting to form in her eyes when Matteo’s clear, overjoyed laugh fills the room. His blank expression has been replaced by the biggest smile she has ever seen, his brown eyes filled his tears of his own.

“We are gonna be parents.” He whispers so softly that even when she’s standing next to him Luna has troubles catching it.

“We are gonna be parents.” He repeats loudly, he goes to hugs but stops midway, his arms flailing around her body like they can’t decide where to touch her, where to hold her, like he wants to pull her closer but at the same time keep her at arms length so he can see her no matter what. The way he’s looking at her right now takes her breath away, like she’s the most precious thing in the whole universe, like nothing could ever compare to her. His had finally settles on resting against her stomach as he kneels down to be at the same height of it.

“We are gonna be parents.” He repeats and Luna can only nod as some happy tears start going down her cheeks.

The second times it’s infinitely easier even if it involves a four year old. Aurora is quietly sitting next to her, painting and humming some song her dad sings to her while Luna finishes  wrapping the present.

“Mommy.” Rory calls and Luna just hums, making sure the bow is perfect. “Are you gonna tell me why we are giving daddy a present when it’s not his birthday or christmas or father’s day or…?”

“You don’t need a special occasion to give someone you love a gift, baby.” She says smiling to her daughter who just nods, her pretty dark curls bouncing around her face.

“I know that.” She tells her biting the tip of her crayon and making a disgusted face when she realizes it tastes awful. “But this feels like an special occasion.”

“Well it is.” Luna admit and Rory lights up completely with the same ‘I knew it’ smile her father has.

“Why is it?” She asks and Luna stands up taking the gift box and giving it to Aurora as she kneels in front of her.

“Why don’t you go give daddy this and find out?” She asks handing her the box, it looks much bigger in her tiny little hands.

“Me?” Rory asks surprised and Luna just nods. “Come on, daddy is on our room.”

Rory nods solemnly and hugs the box against her body before she runs towards the room.She follows her calmly , knowing well that no matter how fast she runs her short legs won’t take her much further than her own. When she gets to their room Aurora is just calling Matteo’s attention.

“Yeah, princess?” He asks looking up from the tests he’s been grading.

“Mommy wants me to give you this.” Rory says crawling up to the bed and giving the box to Matteo and settling on his lap. Matteo takes the box looking at her suspicious, she just nods and he nods back, softly lifting the top of the small box. Both him and Aurora are disappointed to find a smaller box inside, Matteo looks at her and she just smile encouragingly, he opens this box and finds an envelope, Aurora  pouts at this but Matteo is completely focused on this, opening the envelope slowly, she doesn’t know if he already caught and just wants to make sure but he looks like it. She nevers gives him letters anyway, so that can’t be it.

He takes out the card with shaky hands, the same frayed and old family ikea card she gave him about six years ago and looks at her surprised, she feels how her lips curve in a smile.

“Really?” He just asks, his voice slightly high pitched because of the excitement.

“Really.” She just say, biting her lower lip, resting her hand on her stomach. His smiles grows impossibly big as his eyes start shining with tears and something more that makes her feel warm.

“Really what?” Rory asks. “What is this? What does it mean?”

“It means, little princess.” Luna says crawling into the bed with them. “That you will have a little brother or sister.”

“I will have a sister!” She exclaims with a giggle. “Where is her right now? Where will I get to meet her.”

“Right now, they are in mommy’s tummy.” Matteo explains.

“Mommy’s tummy?” Rory asks, examining Luna as carefully as she can manage, she moves closer to her and rest a tiny little hand on her stomach. “It doesn’t look like that.”

“I know it doesn’t.” Luna tells her. “But it’s there growing and growing until they become a full person and can come out.”

“And when will that be?” She asks eyes wide with excitement.

“In about nine months.” Matteo says softly and Aurora pouts crossing her arms over her chest.

“I don’t wanna wait nine months, that’s like…forever.” Rory complains. “I wanna meet my little sister right now.”

“How you even know it will be a sister?” Luna giggles. “It could be a brother.”

“No, no, no, it’s a sister.” She exclaims pointing at her chest. “I feel it right here.”

[baby-starlight-behindthescene]

[FAN REPORT] SEVENTEEN DIAMOND EDGE WORLD TOUR IN SAITAMA 07/27/17

So!! This is my 3rd time seeing Seventeen!! (First two were last year's fanmeet in the Philippines! Check out my fan report about those 2 days if you haven't yet!) I was able to win in the general sale lottery for this concert!

Pre-con: so it was my last day of school and right after my last final exam, I went straight to Saitama to buy my goods! I bought everything I wanted in less than an hour! Then I just waited at the nearby Starbucks HAHA

Seat: Fast forward to getting in the arena! So yeah, since I won this in the general sale lottery, my seat was pretty far like 4th floor far...but it was in the center so like yay! And I actually didn't mind cause I'm seeing them again on October in the Philippines and it'll be so much closer! Hehe ANYWAY!

*NOT 100% everything and NOT 100% sure now because I finished writing this after a few days lol

*If I don't say much on a song, it means they just sang it normally (amazingly) and nothing else really happened*

So the first video was just showing the members one by one haha then after, the first one to appear was Jun!! I can't believe I finally saw him!! Purple hair suits him omg!!! Then like one by one members started to appear from all over the place! Some came riding carts and like some rode scooters! It was awesome hahah I saw Minghao for the first time too and booooyyyyy! I'm super happy I finally saw them! (They weren't in the ph fanmeet) Then yeah, they were just walking around on stage and just greeting everyone.

First song was Pretty U! It was a different version like hmmm carnival version? But yeah the feels of a carnival maybe hahah And they altered the dance for it too! HAHHA It was cute! but like after awhile I think it went back to the original version AHHAHAH One thing I definitely remember from this song is that Seventeen is sooooo extra I swear HAHAHA Like they just kept making noises once in a while like "let's go!" or "oooh!" hahahah Love them! Also their costumes were so colorful AHHAHAHAHA

Next song was Beautiful! AND OMG CAN I JUST SAY BOO'S VOICE LIKE OMG I LOVE HIM! Like I already heard everyone's voices (except Jun's and Minghao's) last year but like OMG THIS SONG, EVERYONE WAS PERFECT AND ESPECIALLY BOO! LIKE HIS VOICE IN THE CHORUS WHEN HE SAYS PARADISE IS SO BEAUTIFUL! AND JIHOON'S VOICE TOO WHEN SAYING "MY LIFE IS SO BEAUTIFUL" AND HOSHI'S VOICE IN "NAEGA NEGE NAEGA OH NAEGA NEGE NAEGA" T^T everyone's voice was just really beautiful huhuhu

Next was the debut song, Adore U!! So much love for the debut song! But I think they just performed it normally with of course Seventeen being so extra and noisy again hahaha OH! And before the "akkinda" part they said "いっしょに”(Together) <3

Next, seventeen introduced themselves! From what I remembered from this part hmmmm I remember Seventeen trying so hard to talk in Japanese and I love it HAHHAHA They talked about the venue, Carats, and sang a bit of Hip Hop Team's Can't See The End and I have no idea why but I love it cause Vernon tried singing it and nope HAHAHAHAHA But yeah some introductions I remembered were ummm (not in order because I forgot who went first) Wonwoo did his cheeseburger aegyo (forever my fave please hahaha), Hoshi has an 王子様(Prince) chant (so funny cause everyone was cheering it hahaha) and Hoshi also did the 10:10 in Japanese <3 I also remembered Jun's "ジュン備"(Jun-bi, it means preparation) and Boo introducing himself as アンパンマン(Anpanman) HAHAHA and like from their individual introductions, I think the most popular memeber in Japan is Jun HAHAH And they kept calling us Carat-chan T^T <3 hmmmm I also remembered them teaching us like some cheer? I don't know what was happening actually AHAHAH but yeah when they shout 17 Carat, we were supposed to clap and bend our hands to the right and say something which I didn't really understand what XD HAHAH

Next song was Still Lonely with all 13 of them singing this song!

Next was Aju Nice!!! Seeing this live with ALL 13 of them omg T^T JUN IN THE MIDDLE I LOVED IT!!! They sang an extra chorus at the end too!~

NEXT WAS PERFORMANCE TEAM SWIMMING FOOL AND OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I WAS SUPER EXCITED FOR THIS ONE CAUSE I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH!! Like the choreography for this wasn't as powerful as their other songs but it was so smooth!! I actually loved it!! It was sooooooo awesome seeing this live!! And I loved the Carat's echoing the song <3 We have beautiful voices (lol omg sorry) So yeah! AWESOME CHOREOGRAPHY, AWESOME SONG, AWESOME PERFORMANCE!!

Next was another video! They showed like pre-debut pictures of Seventeen and they were all soooo cute!!!! OMG! Like all of them had so cute pictures ><

Next was Mansae! One of my favorite title songs (one reason is cause Wonwoo got decent rap lines here) <3 So this was super fun! Like at the start they had like classroom tables and were "students" and Seokmin was so funny cause I think he was the teacher? or at least someone who's writing on the board hahah And yeah he was so funny cause he was like "no one's listening to me!" HAHAH and he kept on making a face to the other members hahah then the very end Mansae part like I think it was Hoshi was the one who said that we should all do the Mansae part with the hand up in the air hahah yeah we did that for a few times before they ended the song!

Next song is Boom Boom!! And so like it's my first time seeing this live and AAAAAHHHH LOVED IT!! Good thing their "school uniforms" from Mansae had like a jersey shirt? So yeah they were able to do the move they do with the jackets normally HAHAH I realised my explanation might have been a bit confusing lol HAHAHA But yeah! Great stage! Glad to have seen the choreography live <3

Next was the special talking part and I'M SUPER HAPPY WONWOO WAS THE ONE HERE!!!!! Like I heard in the first day it was Chan and Boo? And I was hoping for Wonwoo and GUYS IT WAS WONWOO!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CRY T^T HUHUHU so yeah, he was the one in this special talk segment, and he was with Seungcheol! They were filming for Going Seventeen too!! So yeah the things they were talking about (not in order, I forgot already hahah and I might have missed a few stuff) hmm well first thing I remember is that they wanted to hear our voices so they asked us to sing Lean On Me so like Wonwoo sang LIVE the first part and GUYS I WAS LIKE TAKE MY SOUL PLEASE TAKE IT ALREADY IT'S YOURS and then like when we were singing the continuation omg guys it was beautiful! Like the voices of Carats were really something! Then Seungcheol was like ドキドキ(DokiDoki) and Wonwoo said that it's the first time he heard Seungcheol say stuff like that hahaha then they both said it together hahahah CUTIES! Hmm OH! I also remembered like Seungcheol tried Hoshi's "あつい"(Hot) hahaha I didn't know Hoshi made something like that but yeah that appeared a lot in the concert later on HAHAH basically Hoshi is saying the word with like a high pitch voice I guess? And it comes together with hand movement like picking something? HAHAH Sorry for my bad explanation OH ONE LAST THING THAT I REMEMBERED! Seungcheol said that Wonwoo was the most handsome among the Seventeen members and Wonwoo said that Seungcheol was the number one for him HAHAHA I REPEAT, CUTIES!!

Next was another video and it was the Vocal Team's video!!! So it had a like mysterious vibe to it? But yeah basically just showing the members

Next song was We Gonna Make It Shine!! And omg I loved this pre-debut song!!! I loved it with Hoshi before but like I also LOVE THIS VERSION TOO! So basically during this whole Vocal Team corner, I had goosebumps almost the entire time for like 4 songs! THEIR VOICES ARE PERFECTION HOW EVEN <3

Next was Don't Listen In Secret and OMG It started with like a vampire vibe? Like the intro had like a bery noticeable organ instrument and omg just chills because their voices are so perfect! To add to the vampire vibe, there were like bats and big black gates showing on the screen and like I remember Seokmin sitting on a red chair and Jihoon's mic had like a red cloth with it? yeah super vampire vibes and IT WAS AWESOME

Next they had a little talking corner and they were just talking about their feelings of their songs and their concerts and they also talked about Jihoon's mic ahahha (they made him dance with it too lol) and when he (forgot who >< either Seokmin or Boo) was introducing the next song, he was saying that Jisoo, Jihoon and Jeonghan will rest first. Then Jeonghan was STRONGLY against it! HAHAHHA He left the stage very disappointed HAHAH So yeah, they were introducing the next song and like I think this is the part where the translator was sooo cute hahah She was copying even the tones of the sentences Seokmin and Boo were making and Boo was having fun with it hahahah anyway so yeah, we all know the next song and like DUH IT'S (ONE OF THEIR) BEST SONGS EVER!

SAY YES!!! OMG I remember hearing this live in their fan meet last year in the Philippines and I cried! Like omg I can't ever listen to this song without crying anymore huhu Soo yeah as like the previous year, I had goosebumps and was closing my eyes almost the entire time and I just really love thier voices! AND OMG They had new voicing in a part of the song and BEAUTIFUL HUHUHU I can't believe their real T^T

Next song was the final Vocal Team's song and AAAHHH IT WAS 20!!!!! LIKE AAAHH MY FAVORITE VOCAL TEAM SONG!! Like when I heard the intro I screamed so loud! And like omg HUHUHU IT WAS A JAPANESE VERSION OMG JUST TAKE MY HEART DAMMIT HUHUHU THANK YOU VOCAL TEAM I LOVED IT HUHU like I think I kind of lost it when Jisoo sang いつまでも HAHAHHA ALSO I wanted to mention the lights! The pink lights really suited this song T^T Like the whole time it was just pink and it was beautiful T^T

So yeah next video was Hip Hop Unit's video and like phew it was so mysterious and serious and dark (and sexy omg HAHAHA) and after, like a guy with a weird like joker mask and like it was creepy tbh HAHAHHA and like the background music was creeepppyy af and there were laughing sounds and the joker was just laughing...yeah it was creepy... then like there was a piano on the main stage and the guy just went over to it and started playing it (not sure if he was really playing it or if it was just a recording though) and like suddenly someone was rapping! AND LIKE DUH I WOULD RECOGNIZE WONWOO'S VOICE! AND AAHH HE RAPS PERFECTLY! Then like omg the guy took of his mask and it was Wonwoo... SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF THAT I DID NOT RECOGNIZED HIM OMG WHY HUHUHU (it was really creepy af though, will I see this again in October?)

So yeah the song after Wonwoo took off his mask was an unreleased song and DAAAAAAMNNNN THEY NEED TO RELEASE IT FAST CAUSE BRUH THAT SHIT CRAY! IT WAS SO AWESOME I NEED IT IN MY LIFE! I assume that the title is What's The Problem? cause those words appeared in the screen when they started rapping. So first one was Seungcheol and like bruh BRUUUH!!!!! ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL RAPS DAYUMMMMM Next one was Mingyu and boiiiii He's so classy af like I can't believe someone can rap with class and swag phew last one was Vernon and his rap was kinda different from everyone else's like it was slower and like more chill? but Yeah... Like they were all basically just being wild on stage and like they were running around and head banging and all that and damn it was lit. Like no words! Seungcheol killed this stage for me cause boy was that lit! (Sorry Wonwoo huhu might've been better if you rapped it live huhu)

Next was Lotto!!! And they performed a remix version! Like maybe rock version? And like there was a Meanie moment here if I remembered right? Like omg when Mingyu was rapping and like Wonwoo would be there in front of his face and just "bro kill it!" And yeah the whole stage was just so powerful! Lit as usual <3

Next was the recently released (in their soundcloud) Un Heang Il Chi! A little less powerful than What's The Problem and Lotto but like still powerful nonetheless! I especially love it cause like I was just bobbing my head the whole time and like it was really lit I can't even AHAHHA (Loved Wonwoo's part here the most)

Then next was their talking segment and one thing I clearly remember from this is when they asked how was their stage (cause it's different from their usual stages as seventeen) and I was like bruh, I could live with just these stages!!! (not really but that's what I felt during that time, that's why I remember it lol) so yeah hmm what else....omg I don't remember anymore >< SORRY OMG

Next song was Check-in and YEAH~ I LOVE THIS CAUSE THEY MENTION MY CITY!!! So yeah when they were in the first chorus I was waiting for them to say Manila City and when they did I shouted it with them and the person next to me looked at me weirdly AHHAHAHA oh well, I'll be gone from here in a month HAHAH ANYWAY~ Yeah so they were pretty chill with this HAHAHA but still lit, phew~ and like whenever the beats drops! LOVE THAT PART

Another video was next and this time it's the Performance Team!!!! And like the video had a kind of a different vibe? Like while the others were kind of dark, this was kind of bright? I guess that it was cause like the members were like in this square space surrounded by lights?....yeah....

SO! NEXT SONG WAS OMG AND OMG GUYS IT WAS LIT!! IT WAS A REMIX VERSION AND LIKE THEY APPEARED IN LIKE INDIVIDUAL RISING STAGES AND HAD MIC STANDS SO LIKE INSTEAD OF DANCING THE CHOREOGRAPHY, THEY WERE KILLING IT JUST WITH THIS REMIX! IT WAS AWESOME! LIKE OMG WITH THE VOCAL UNIT, I HAD GOOSEBUMPS THE ENTIRE CORNER. WITH THE HIP HOP UNIT, I WAS HEADBANGING/BOBBING THE WHOLE TIME. AND NOW WITH THE PERFORMANCE UNIT, GUYS I DIDN'T NOTICE IT UNTIL THE TALKING PART BUT HAD MY MOUTH HANGING WIDE OPEN THE WHOLE UNIT SONGS!! Like their performances WERE SO DAMN GOOD!!!

Straight after OMG, they had this like break dance part! First was Jun and then Minghao, then Hoshi and all of them are so talented like I still think they are the most underrated unit and they need more time to show all their talents! THEN LASTLY OMG CHAN! Chan killed it! I'm sorry Hoshi but seriously Chan could be so much more!!!

Then after, they sang Who and like.....I can't believe I saw this live. Like I swear I had my mouth wide open like..... bro this level of sexiness should stop (no just continue please) I can't really explain it guys, I can't T^T

Next they showed another video but this time it was just Jun and Minghao! omg I'm so happy they are getting lots of things!! and then like BAM MY I!!!! OMG T^T They danced with a rope and like there were hand holding and like just CHINA LINE NEEDS LOVE GUYS!!! And omg like there was a part where Jun did this flip and his clothes just totally betrayed him and exposed his upper body and like BRRUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH! I can't with this unit T^T (Again no words...just mouth wide open)

So next was their talking part and so like Chan and Hoshi appeared on stage while singing the MY I part and so cute huhuhuh but yeah, here we go again...what do I remember from this segment.....hmm I think someone got wrong with the greeting but like I forgot who... omg cry this is why I need to finish writing my fanreports after the concert huhuhu anyway hmmmm, OH! okay so like Hoshi did his "あつい" a lot in this segment with the hand movement HAHAHAH and kept pushing us to do it too XD OH! and Minghao kept saying "叫べ！" (Scream) hahaha that's all I can remember huhu

Finally, to end the unit corners, THEY SANG HIGHLIGHT AND AAAAAHHHH MY FAVORITE PERFORMANCE TEAM SONG!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAW THIS LIVE WITH ALL ITS GLORY AND CHOREOGRAPHY and like I thought it was the normal song but like damn they added some extra dance before the final Highlight and it WAS. AMAZING. GOSH. LIKE. (yeah no words.....)

So next was another video and this time and I couldn't really tell what was happening cause like everyone was just doing their own thing and like...yeah nothing much to say here except they were all so cool <3 and yeah another dark concept if I remember correctly....

Then like the sound of the video transitions well with the next song with waaaas CRAZY IN LOVE!!! And can I just say AHHAH after the unit performances, then going to Crazy in Love, I really feel that 13 members Seventeen is complete! Like looking back at the unit performances, the stage looks so incomplete T^T But yeah OT13 is the best <3 ANYWAY, back to the song! They just performed it normally and I saw the CHOREOGRAPHY!! AAAAHHHH The Crazy in Love parts and like the dabs and all AAAAHHH

Next song was like suddenly there was acoustic guitar sounds and then Wonwoo sings the first line to Fast Pace and AAAAAHHHHHH SLAY ME BOY And they had like mic stands and like STOP PLEASE AND TAKE MY SOUL and like OMG THE "GOING, WE'RE GOING" PARTS HUHUHU JUST KILL ME ALREADY but like yeah, the whole performance was soooooooooooooo...nice HAHAHAH

Okay so next was IF I!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHH like bruuuh this song!!!! Vernon was sooo good! and Wonwoo and like bruhh EVERYONE WAS AWESOME!!! And like the Hip Hop Team corner, I was just bobbing my head with the beat~ and like I was hoping that they'd have a dance after the very lit "nan mworado do" but like no :( They were only head banging and stuff but like WHEN WONWOO SAID HIS "geureotamyeon do" AAAHHHHH THEY DID HAVE A DANCE!!!! AND I LOVED IT!!! IT WAS A VERY COOL DANCE AND LIKE I HATED THAT THEY DIDN'T PERFORM THIS THE ENTIRE SONG HUHUHUHU but yeah T^T

So next song is Habit/Habitual Words and of course the Vocal Team's voices are on point/perfection <3 Like from time to time I just catch myself closing my eyes (if you read my previous fan report, you'd know why) so yeah <3

Next they had another talking corner and like the Vocal Team disappeared off stage and like the Hip Hop Team and Performance Team (ALL OF THEM WEARING RED AND BLACK DAMN PERFECTION) came on stage and they (Hoshi started it, if I remember) went on stage singing the chorus of Habit and like the rest followed HAHAHAH and like they sang a short part of If I and Swimming Fool too HAHAHA See what I mean about this group being so extra HAHAHAHAHA and like when we didn't echo the chorus part they wanted us to do it properly so they repeated it and HAHAHAH WONWOO IS SO CUTE GUYS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH CAN HE NOT HAHAH He sang his geureotamyeon do part and like he was expecting us to sing the instrumental that comes after it but of course we didn't so like HE WAS SUCH A FAIL I LOVE IT HUHUHUHUHU I LOVE HIM! Then I think it was Chan but he sang the "oh my god oh my god" and like us Carats were just making random noises now at this point HAHAHAHHA but yeah it was funny HAHAHA but yeah let's see what I can remember in this talking segment..... I think this happened before the Vocal Team came (also wearing red and black) but like Hoshi was mimicking Seungcheol and he WAS SO CUTE LIKE HIS EXPRESSION TOO AAAAHH and like Seungcheol also copied Hoshi and it was so cute HUHUHUHUHUHU then when the vocal team arrived hahah SVT did the thing they did earlier and sang the chorus of Habit AHHAHA and this they they made "bam" sounds HAHAHA SUPER FUNNY!! OH OMG HOSHI DID LIKE A HURRICANE MOVE AND LIKE AAAAHHHH I WANTED TO SEE HURRICANE LIVE HUHUHU BUT WHEN HE DID THAT IT WAS SO FUNNY CAUSE MINGYU LIKE WENT ROUND AND ROUND HOSHI (bird style? I guess?) AND LIKE 3 OTHER MEMBERS FOLLOWED HAHAHAH IT WAS SO CUTE!!! heheh <3 then what else..... OH!!! THEY SAID THAT THERE WAS A SPECIAL GUEST TODAY AND TURNS OUT IT WAS BOOEMI HAHAHAH (Boo trying to copy Buruzon Chiemi, a comedian who recently became famous here in Japan) IT WAS SUPER FUNNY!!! LIKE BOO CAN TOTALLY BE BOOEMI HAHAHAHAHAHHA HE'S SO GOOD AT IT! Caratに生まれて良かった！(Chiemi has a similar line saying how good it was to be born a woman) HAHAHA And like when the music would play, the other members would move to it too just like how Chiemi would do it HAHAH SUPER FUNNY and like Chiemi has this 3５億 (3billion) and like Boo did ３万人 meaning 30,000 people, like the people in the arena. HAHAH It was super funny!!! Then he did it again but like this time he prepared the whole Buruzon Chiemi skit hahaha but like he just introduced Seventeen hahaha and it was so fab cause HE DID IT SO PERFECTLY HAHAHAHHA and like the other members were like his "with B" HAHAHAHA then what else hmmmm OH! HAHAH I REMEMBER A LOT OF "あつい" again HAHAH cause they were saying the next stages were gonna be really hot HAHAHAH

Soooo next song was HAHAHHA ROCK!!! NEVER GONNA GET TIRED OF THIS SONG <3 Like those body waves/rolls and like everything about this song! <3 And like instead of the wild chorus after the bridge, they had a like dance break first! IT WAS AWESOME AND LIKE THEY WERE SO SYNCHRONIZED AND THEN THE LAST CHORUS WAS SO LIT AND DIFFERENT AND SO AWESOMELY PUT TOGETHER

NEXT SONG WAS CHUCK AAAAHHH! Loved seeing this again but like they performed it just normally HAHAH but like there were

And then just before the final song, they had another talking part and like saying how hot those two songs were and like they were already saying their goodbyes and like to introduce their next song, Vernon was "crying" and it was so cute cause he was with Minghao for support huhuh but like yeah he was like "ulgo shipji aneun de" huhuhu and like they were saying Hoshi was crying too but like no Hoshi said it was sweat HAHAHHAHA So yeah they said thier  Say the name SEVENTEEN then went on to perform Don't Wanna Cry

Don't Wanna Cry had the perfect introduction ever T^T like it was so full of emotions and like I started tearing up again and like lost it when Wonwoo started to sing (so ironic that I cried though HAHAHA) I was looking forward to this stage the most T^T and they did not disappoint T^T It was everything I ever imagined it! They were perfect, the choreography on point, the vocals, EVERYTHING! After Seungcheol's rap, I stopped crying though but when it was the bridge, daaaammmnn waterworks started running again T^T PERFECT ENDING (Before the encore of course)

When they left the stage, it took awhile for them to like show what's next. So like the next thing that happened was another video! It was a video of like interviewing Seventeen and who are Carats for them and what was annoying was that the subtitles were so small that I had no idea what they were saying at all T^T So yeah something to look forward to when I watch them in October! So yeah they were writing letters to Carats, which I thought would be really touching if I understood it but yeah, just looking at them pouring their hearts out with their letters T^T <3 It was touching~ and OMG WHILE THIS WAS HAPPENING EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE ARENA TURNED THEIR LIGHTSTICK INTO THE FAST BLINKING MODE AND LIKE SERIOUSLY IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! WE WERE LITERALLY SHINING DIAMONDS IT WAS BREATHTAKING!

Then there were like a few seconds of silence then we hear Jun's "Slip into the Diamond Life" whisper at the start of Shining Diamond and yeah everyone started getting hyped again cause Shining Diamond is our baby~ HAHAHA

Then next song was Healing!!! BUT JAPANESE VERSION!!!!! LIKE BRUH I WAS SO SHOOKT LIKE BRUUUHHHH!!! The rap parts weren't Japanese though but it's fine cause I HEARD MINGHAO RAP HIS PART <3 THIS SONG WAS SO MUCH FUN GUYS HUHUHU THEY NEED TO MAKE A JAPANESE DEBUT ALREADY T^T

Then the very last song was Love Letter and guess what T^T JAPANESE VERSION TOO HUHUHUHU JUST TAKE MY HEART AND SOUL DAMMIT T^T I MEAN EVEN THE RAP FOR THIS WAS TRANSLATED TO JAPANESE T^T <3 So much feels for this song and like guys guess what huhu I cried again T^T I mean whyyyy Seventeen stop making me feel all these emotions T^T and like guys T^T WONWOO'S LINE IN THE BRIDGE T^T IT WAS IN JAPANESE (DUH) AND LIKE IT WAS SO PERFECT HEARING MY BBY'S VOICE LIVE AND OMG GUYS WONWOO LAUGHED AT THE END OF HIS LINE CAUSE HOSHI WAS THERE STARING AT HIM WHILE MAKING A FACE AND WHEN WONWOO LOOKED, HE LAUGHED OMG MY 2 BIASES CAN JUST BE LIKE THAT FOREVER AND I WILL LIVE HUHUHUHu it was so awesome guys, I can't even put it into words properly T^T

And the concert was coming to an end T^T They were all saying their goodbyes now and like I didn't want it to end T^T there's nothing much I remember from this goodbye except for their "goodbye", "I love you", "we'll keep on working harder", "thank you" and I love their effort to speak Japanese T^T Especially Chan! I think he was the only one who didn't use Korean for his goodbye! One thing I remembered apart from their goodbyes were Hoshi Sushi XD HAHHA THAT WAS SUPER CUTE like they had towels and I think it was Seokmin who put the towel over Hoshi's head and said that he was a sushi HAHAH LOVE IT and then like Mingyu just put his towel on Hoshi hahah another one was Seokmin hahah Hoshi did the same thing to him and made him a sushi T^T <3 I love his smile I swear! Looking back at last year when I saw his smile up close when we took a picture together T^T IT WAS SO PURE AND LOVELY HUHUHU cries like Seventeen is such a big group and I can't handle all the feels they're making me feel all together all at once and continuously one member after another T^T OH! I also remember Hoshi calling us Princesses cause he's the prince HAHAHAHHA I remembered getting "kilig" (I'm sorry I don't know the English word for this Filipino word) hahaha then hmmm oh they closed the lights so our blinking bongbongies can be seen clearly and yeah they loved it, cause guys it really was so pretty and special! So yeah, they thanked the staff for all their hard work and then we took a picture together! (Which, duh I won't be seen) cry HAHAHA and they just kept on saying how pretty we were (wow HAHAH) and that was that! They said their final goodbyes going to each side of the stage and their final Say the Name SEVENTEEN and that was that!

THAT'S IT GUYS!! MY THIRD TIME SEEING SEVENTEEN BUT MY FIRST CONCERT FROM THEM! (Since the other 2 were fanmeetings)

For some general reports: -first and foremost! I am super sad they didn't sing Fronting T^T Like they sang my favorite Seventeen song (Love Letter), my favorite Vocal Team song (20), and my favorite Performance Team song (Highlight) T^T How I wished they sang Fronting too huhuhuu Oh and wished they sang Smile Flower too T^T (actually all the songs they didn't sing, I wish they sang lol) - I don't say this enough but Seventeen is sooooo extra af HAHAHAHAH as in every song they had extra sounds coming out of their mouths one way or another XD I loved that they were having so much fun and like it was nice to see them genuinely enjoying themselves <3 like they were preforming but it was awesome to see them loving what they do!! - their voices live is perfection!! I mean I've heard them before but it will always be a pleasant surprise to me just how beautiful their voices are! Boo though was especially chiiling <3 -And like one thing you know why they're really talented and like have beautiful voices is that they kept singing during the talking segments HAHAHA like they just wanna sing HAHAHAH -hair color was sooo colorful hahaha but it suits them so much! Like when I saw pictures before, I was a bit iffy but nope, it suits them AHHAHA -lights were amazing and the fire was lit!!!! -the clothes of everyone during the unit segments were all black and they were all so good looking omg like please always wear black >< -I was a bit of disappointed with Wonwoo last year during the fanmeet (check my previous reports about that to know why) but I'm totally happy with him now! Like SEEING HIM SMILE LIKE THAT AND THAT NOSE OF HIS I LOVE IT I LOVE HIM T^T -NOW TO GIVE APPRECIATION TO ALL MEMBERS: Jeonghan - his hair was sooo pretty T^T and his voice was really good!!, Vernon - he was really cool T^T Like his swag and omg his voice when he sang?! It was good!!, Jun - GAHD WHERE TO START WITH THIS BOY! He was so handsome!!!!! Like legit wth?! And like he should be given more lines! He's so talented!, Seokmin - DKKKKKKKKK HE'S SO CUTE I JUST WANNA TAKE CARE OF HIM T^T his voice is heavenly and so strong!, Boo - he is definitely the funniest member XD HAAHAH Booemi is forever in my heart HAHAHAH and HIS VOICE IS PERFECTION LIKE LEGIT PERFECTION!, Minghao - THE8 NEEDS MORE LOVE! Like bruh don't sleep on talent!! HE'S ALREADY IMPROVED SO MUCH!! MY I WAS AWESOME! CHINA LINE PLEASE HAVE MORE MOMENTS ON THE SPOTLIGHT!, Seungcheol - Our precious leader is sooooo confusing >< Like one second he's this swaggy rapper then next, he's this cute precious human being that needs to be protected T^T His red hair was sooooo good on him too!!, Jisoo - omg guys, like Jisoo's voice is so good! I don't understand why he has so little lines in Vocal Team songs and like Seventeen songs in general??? Like his parts in Don't Listen In Secret is like one of my most favorite lines!! and he looked really handsome omg ><, Mingyu - I can't with this guy too! He's so classy af and like keep on confusing my heart dammit! He seemed like the member who focuses on each member like really listening to what they say and looking at what they do! Like.....I love him T^T, Jihoon - MY WITTLE FAIRY WOOZIIIII, can I just keep him in my heart forever? His voice is so perfect like I wished he sang Simple cause it's one of my favorite songs EVER T^T I wanted the other members to kiss him but they didn't T^T HAHAHAH And like omg I could really see the height difference though hahaha (sorry Jihoon), Chan - !!! MY CHILD!!! (I call him that even though he's only 3 years younger than me lol) HE'S GROWING UP TO BE SO HANDSOME T^T like bruuuh all those dance solos he got?! and like he sings and raps and like he just has everything T^T, Hoshi - KWON FREAKING SOONYOUNG I SWEAR YOU SHOULD STOP STEALING MY HEART FROM WONWOO OR ELSE T^T HE'S SO TALENTED LIKE HE HAS ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE VOICES IN SEVENTEEN AND LIKE HE'S JUST MY PRINCE T^T LIKE HE'S SO WITTY AND SO FUN AND SO FULL OF LOVE AND FLUFF AND SWAG I CAN'T EVEN T^T, LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT THE LEAST MY MAIN MAN WONWOO!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH T^T THANK YOU FOR SMILING AND HAVING FUN AND BEING THERE WITH US! I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN ALL MY FEELS WHEN I SAW YOU T^T YOU ARE NOTHING BUT PERFECTION HUHUHU HIS VOICE WHEN RAPPING, HIS VOICE WHEN SINGING AND JUST EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! Can I love you forever? T^T

So to conclude! My first Seventeen concert with all 13 members (and definitely not my last) was the best T^T I love this talented, down to earth, noisy, extra af, loving and pure group that is called Seventeen <3

Seventeen, my ultimate KPop bias group, SEEING THEM COMPLETE AND IN CONCERT WAS THE BEST! July 27, 2017.

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN IN OCTOBER!