#sorry for dying ive been working so much lately

[cryptid--bunny]

date night in the mystery flesh pit!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theokusgallery]

I wonder what's their relationship with their siblings. (referring to Nick and Sunny)

Also...Will there be Mari, Aubrey, Kel, and Hero?... I wonder if you're going to add them or not (hhshjsjs I'm getting a little bit *too* curious)

Interesting question ! I was literally continuing a WIP about Nick and Statice's (Nick's sister) realtionship as I saw this ask, lol. (No link with the picture above, I just drew that one for fun). I was also just talking about them extensively in Tosteur's server, sooooo...

Statice and Nick love each other very much. They grew up constantly around one another, and since their parents weren't always around, they always had to stick with each other and play with each other... They basically only had each other for most of their childhood. So they stick together.

Now, I can't remember if I've ever talked about it here, but Arsenic wasn't really liked by other people as a kid (and that hasn't really changed). He's weird, he's queer, he's mean (socially incompetent), etc etc. Statice, on the other hand, is a lot more normal than he is. They're identical twins, so they were in the same grade growing up, and when they made friends, it was usually together. But every friend they made always, consistently preferred Statice to Nick.

That's not to say Statice doesn't have her fair share of "weirdness", but when it came from her as opposed to Nick, kids around them didn't mind it as much. Like, sure, Nick was into boys, and that was weird and creepy and embarrassing to other kids, but... not only does Statice also like guys, she's trans. Weirdly enough, Nick was ostracised for being queer a lot more than Statice was.

Nick and Statice are very, very close. They spent 99% of their time together, growing up, shared a room, went to the same schools, in the same classes, they still go to the same university (though they don't study the same thing). They share a lot of things and know each other very well. But they have... unaddressed issues and built up resentment on Nick's part, and judgement on Statice's part. S o it's not exactly perfect.

I feel like it's important to note that Statice is the one and only person that Nick doesn't have an unhealthy power dynamic with. She's quite literally the only person that Nick is an okay guy around.

(She's also Sunny's best friend, so you can imagine how that goes when Sunny and Nick get together -- while Statice disapproves of it very much because she knows exactly how much of a creepy piece of shit Nick is :)...)

--Sunny and his sister Mari were also very close growing up. After growing up, though, they kind of drifted apart as Mari moved away for college and Sunny started seeing flaws in her that he... hadn't really wanted to see before, because he idealized her as a kid. They talk sometimes, and they still love each other, and they have an okay relationship, but they're not nearly as close as Nick and Statice are. Sunny kind of gets jealous of them for that sometimes.

I'm not actually sure if i want to add Kel or Hero or Aubrey to the story or not. There's a third friend in Sinny and Statice's friend group that's essential to the storyline, and I'm not opposed to making them Kel or Aubrey, but I haven't thought about them too much, so I don't know yet. Might make 'em an OC. I was hesitating on making Sunny's sibling an OC as well, but the characterization/role I was planning for them ended up being taken by Statice (who I actually care about and think about a lot), so I don't mind it being Mari. Hero is in the story by virtue of being Mari's boyfriend in every universe (/ref), but he has no role or purpose. Imagine he's standing in the background if you so wish

[6sixx6sexual6]

Can u do nikki x fem reader angst please im dying for some angst rn PLEASE

SORRY IVE BEEN SLACKING ON REQUESTS AND THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING ANGST REALLY AND I WAS ALSO HIGH SO IT PROBABLY SUCKS.

word count: 1,301

warnings: drugs, alcohol, thats kinda it, mentions of sex once.

Nikki was starting to realize he was an addict. He didn't wanna spend 5,000 dollars a day on drugs. He didn't wanna shoot up every 30 minutes and nod off. he even missed his grandmas funeral because he chose to get high. A while back he and his girlfriend of well over a couple of years (not counting the numerous breakups) argued, she doesn't come around to their house as much, and Nikki hadn't talked to Vince, Tommy, or Mick in weeks and Nikki felt like he had nobody. he had another “girlfriend” who was just his drug buddy and used the excuse of being together just to shoot up. they didn't even have sex at all.

Nikki and the chick were on the couch. Nikki was either passed out or bearly awake. there were needles and spoons around them, Nikki still had the blue band around his arm as he was laid out on the couch.

you stumbled in the house for the first time in maybe 2 weeks. the house was still a mess from all the parties thrown but that was weeks ago. you went to find him and saw him in the living room with that girl and they both looked awful, you almost didn't know it was Nikki. you leaned against the archway with a bottle of liquor in your hand. "I'm going to Vegas." you told him. why? because you felt like going

Nikki could vaguely hear a familiar voice through the fog in his brain. He attempted to sit up against the arm of the couch, his eyes slowly opening as much as they could.

“What..?” he mumbled, his eyes glancing over at you as he slowly registered your presence. he couldn’t remember the last time he saw you.

"I'm going to Vegas." you repeated. Nikki looked awful. if you had seen him like this a couple of years ago you would've taken care of him making sure he was good as new. but you've done that for years and Nikki took it for granted. you got tired of taking care of him so you stopped when he needed it most.

Nikki watched you, his eyes barely open. he tried to gather his thoughts to say something to you, but his brain wasn’t working fast enough. a couple of years ago, if you had said the same thing he would’ve jumped up and asked why, worried that something was wrong. this time he just stayed where he was on the couch, watching you and slurring his words. “For how long..?” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"I dunno." you answered. "til I feel like coming back." you said and took a swing from your bottle. not your first bottle of the night.

He tried to process what you said, but his mind felt muddled. He couldn’t remember the last time you had been around months ago. The last time he had seen you, you guys had ended up in a big fight.

“Don’t..you…” he trailed off, not even knowing what he was about to say. he ran a hand along his face again, trying to brush away the fog. “You’re ditching me…” he muttered.

"I'll be back." you mumbled and closed your eyes as you messed with your hair "You'll be fine.. m' not your mommy." you mumbled again little just from being drunk.

That made him scoff quietly, and he opened his eyes a little wider at that. He would’ve argued with you if his mind was clear. he would’ve said things like “I never said you were.” or “I don’t need you to be.” he would’ve said those things and fought with you like usual. But not right now. he was too out of it. “What if I want you to be..?” he mumbled into his hand.

you opened your eyes and looked at him for a few seconds. "then you're a few months too late." you said quietly. not softly, but quieter. it wasn't like him to ask something like that and it wasn't like you to answer like that, but we're changing and drifting apart. the whole band was. Tommy was married to Heather, no one spoke to Vince in prison, so he didn't speak to them, and no one ever knew where Mick was.

He frowned at your words and slowly sat up all the way, his eyes looking over at you. He hated hearing that from you, but he couldn’t bring himself to argue right now. not when he really wanted to. “A couple months too late..” he thought to himself. Had things really gotten this bad?

he looked down at his arms, the needle marks and old track marks were on full display. he then glanced back up at you. “I miss you..” he muttered.

you hum and looked at the ground while you were against the archway. you missed him too. a lot. but you've tried and tried for years taking care of him, loving him through everything, and he didn't do anything. you got sick of the one-way treatment. "yeah." you answered quietly.

He sighed and shut his eyes again, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him like it did every time he thought of you. he knew he hadn’t treated you like you deserved. not always. how many times had he gotten so high and said hurtful things that he didn’t mean? how many times had he gotten drunk and ignored you in favor of a party? He couldn’t even count on two hands the amount of times he caused you to cry. “I’m sorry..” he mumbled.

you felt a pang of guilt in your chest but you didn't say anything. you looked down at the bottle of liquor in your hand. what were you supposed to say? he knows you've forgiven him each time so what's this time gonna mean? "I have to pack." you told him.

Nikki stared at you, feeling a sense of hopelessness wash over him. he couldn’t blame you for leaving and had a feeling that you weren’t gonna come back. he had pushed you away so many times that he couldn’t expect you to come back.

he was silent for a few moments, not knowing what to say. a part of him wanted to ask you not to go, to beg you to stay and not leave him. but he didn’t say anything. he wasn’t in the right state of mind to.

when he didn't say anything you started walking to the stairs, your heeled boots clicked against the tile but were muted to a thud when you walked on the carpet stairs as his eyes followed you. He watched you disappear and head upstairs to your shared room, feeling an empty sort of pain in his chest. he stared down at his hands before he looked over at the girl sitting next to him. She just sat there in a daze, completely lost in a high. He wanted to get up and go up and stop you, to beg you to stay. his mouth opened like he was going to speak, but he didn’t say anything.

you went to your room that he was sharing with his drug buddy, the room was littered with needles and all kinds of things. it was a mess. you went into the closet, got a suitcase and threw whatever you had left in the closet in the suitcase and what his girlfriend hadn't taken. you took the suitcase downstairs.

you walked with the suitcase trailing behind you. and you looked back at the living room to tell Nikki goodbye, but when you looked at him he was already passed out with a needle in his arm. you looked at him for a couple more seconds before walking to the front door and leaving.

[raihann1]

NOTESBOOK DRABBLES: EYELESS JACK

MONDAY:

I've been trying to get my roomate to get out of his damn room, all he does is just sit his ass down and do work? He refuses to go outside its fucking annoying. Like am not even sure if he takes showers, crazy right?

Currently, Jack is in his room writing away probably in dreams of being some super successful doctor. Im not jealous of course. Im happy for him but he needs to get out of his room before he dies of sufocation! Like how embarassing would it be for dying in your room for studying so much?!

Am closing my entry for today, cya.

---------------------------------------

"Yo, Jack?" You said while opening his door gently.

"Hm?" He simply replied as he typed something on his computer and stared at his notes for comformation.

"Do you want to go to the park?" You asked leaning agianst his door (and slipping)

"Sorry, Got work to do." He said offering you a small smile and going back to his studies.

"Cmon! You don't want to be lonely your whole life right?!" You said waving your hands around.

"Of course not," Jack said his focus on his paper.

"Why don't we go make you some friends then, look Im not forcing kist worried okay?" You said approaching him and gawking at his neat writing.

"Hm.. I guess?" Jack said standing up and closing his notebook and laptop.

Wait. Wait. you did it!

"Alright get ready, I'll wait for you," you said closing his door and sighing in relief

---------------------------------------

TUESDAY:

Alright! So Jack and I were at the park and he started talking to this girl. She seems really neat! Im pretty sure he might have a crush on her? Or am just blind I guess? I don't know. Anyway! I got her number and she's intrested in getting Jacks number as well.

Finally, that boys been lonely for god knowd how long.

Got to cut it short, got a text from her.

---------------------------------------

(F/N = friend name)

---------------------------------------

F/N

2:13 tuesday Heyy!! Y/N right?

2:14 tuesday

Yup.

2:15 tuesday

I really enjoyed Jacks company, do you think you could set us up? As friends of course.

2:17 tuesday

Uh, hell yeah? Go easy on him, he's pretty much a nerd. Uh where to?

2:20 tuesday

Sorry late response, maybe the cafe?

2:21 tuesday

Gotcha

2:21 tuesday

Thxx

---------------------------------------

MONDAY:

Sorry for abandoning this, Ive been busy helping Jack. He's been trying to impress F/N if I have to he honest she doesn't seem intrested. I don't want to be that person but she always ghosts him while she textes me almost everyday. God dammit I think she likes me. I feel really bad.. I don't want to break his heart. Maybe am wrong.. speaking of F/N just got a text

---------------------------------------

[silverofthunder]

☆ confessions ☆

Papa Emeritus IV x GN Reader

summary: As soon as you closed your eyes, finally letting sleep take over you, you heard the words that you, deep down, had been dying to hear.

content: 2.6k words, mystery (kind of), drama, fantasy, romance, friendship, mild hurt/comfort, injury mention

♡♡ part 1 ♡♡ part 2 ♡♡ part 3 ♡♡ part 4 ♡♡ part 5 ♡♡ part 6 ♡♡ part 7 ♡♡ part 8 ♡♡ part 9 ♡♡ part 10 ♡♡

Sorry, this is published so late but life got busy. I haven't forgotten this story, I promise! This part has been written about a month ago, this has just been in my fic file and waited for the moment to be published. So, here this is, hope you enjoy (and hope there are still some who even read this story). :)

You were lying against Copia, naked as the day you were born, on the luxurious bed, slowly drawing patterns on his chest. Your skin was still sweaty as you basked in the afterglow, in the silence that had a shadowy edge now. There was so many questions, words to say but now idea how to ask or say them. All you could do now was to try to enjoy this moment – Copia was there, beside you, gaze directed at the ceiling.

He was worried, though he tried to hide it. But you could know it from the way he was holding you tighter, how he hadn’t refused to feed off from you when your bodies had been locked into the throes of passion just some moments ago. He had taken as much as you were able to give – hence you felt now a bit lightheaded but it was nothing a little food and drink couldn’t fix.

Everything had felt different as the upcoming fight was looming upon you. You had taken your time to feel each other’s bodies, wanting to memorize every single little details on your skins. You didn’t want to forget any of this – not that you ever would if something bad were to happen. It had been close, that those certain words had passed from your lips. But you had sealed Copia’s lips just in time, swallowed those words down before they were released into the delicate air.

You both knew how you felt. Those words needed another moment to see the light. You didn’t want it to happen like this, when there was some uncertainty around you. You didn’t want this to be ’let’s say it before it’s too late’ moment because it wasn’t going to be one.

Copia’s lips connected with your forehead and you hummed quietly.

”So sorry you have to go through this,” he mumbled, and you shifted so that you could tilt your head to look at him. He looked sad, the sight making your heart sink in your chest. You moved to place a light kiss right on the corner of his mouth.

”It’s alright,” you whispered against his skin. ”We never know when the past comes to haunt us.”

”Still I should have told you about it more,” Copia said, and you shook your head, this time claiming his lips in a kiss.

”Hush now,” you said, offering a small smile to him and moving your hand to gently tap his lips. The look in Copia’s eyes softened as he cupped your face, sliding his thumb across your cheek. You leaned into the touch, your eyes fluttering as you breathed slowly in and out.

”You know that I will be stuck with you forever?” It was meant to lighten the mood a little and by the way Copia’s lips turned into a grin told you it had worked.

”Still forever?” He smirked, obviously teasing you and you smacked his chest with your hand.

”I haven’t changed my mind,” you stated. ”To be honest, I want to turn soon.”

Copia’s face fell serious, the hint of worry reaching his eyes as he studied your face. You poked him in the nose.

”Don’t mope. I know you’re waiting for that moment, too.”

A smile passed Copia’s lips, white fangs flashing as his hand slid to the side of your neck where the bite marks were.

”Then you’ll be all mine,” he spoke, the sound of his voice sweet like a purr, making you shiver.

You smirked. ”I’ve always been yours.”

Copia let out a sound that was a mix of a hum and a growl and then pulled you into a kiss. Then he flipped you around fast, pinning you against the mattress, his lips moving to your neck. He inhaled deep before you felt something wet on your skin – his tongue running over the bite marks and you gasped. You could sense Copia wanted to sink his fangs again into you, drink your blood, but he knew he couldn’t do it, yet.

”I love your scent,” Copia purred close to your ear, pressing a light kiss righ under the earlobe and your hands squeezed his sides hard as you chuckled.

”Seems like it’s like a drug to you.”

”Better than any drug,” Copia said, his voice having now a darker edge. ”I could never get enough of this.” Another swipe of tongue and a gentle nip right after made you groan.

Then a thought came into your head.

”Will it change after I’ve turned? My scent?”

”Sí, a little,” Copia spoke against your sensitive skin. ”But it’s still going to be you.”

”And you still can drink it, then?”

”Yes, as well as you mine.”

That thought was thrilling, the image in your head so vivid. The red liquid on your lips, the imaginary taste hitting your tongue before you would swallow it down.

”But I have to drink it so that I can turn? How will it taste?”

You could feel Copia smiling, hear it in his voice.

”You’ll find it out soon.”

The brothers had gone to deal with Sister Imperator and you and Olivia were left at the mansion to wait. It had been several hours and the longer you had to wait, the harder it got. Olivia wasn’t dealing with the wait any better as she was sitting on the couch, biting her nails while you were pacing back and forth near her. The sound of the clock seemed to ring in your ears and you barely could think anything sensible. A part of you wanted to scream and another part just hoped this all was just a bad dream.

You squeezed your hands into fists, trying to focus on your breathing to calm yourself. It didn’t help much but was better than nothing. Olivia ran her hands through her hair before grabbing the nearest couch pillow and hugging it tight.

”Is this always like this?” she asked, making you jump a bit and stop in your tracks. Your gaze met hers and you shook your head.

”No, this is the first time something like this happens,” you answered and Olivia let out a long sigh.

”This is crazy,” she stated, eyes wide. ”I’m scared and worried and… I don’t even know. This all has been a lot, you know.”

You nodded, understanding how overwhelmed she must have felt. She was dragged into all this so quickly she had had no time to let this all sunk in properly.

”But you’re still here,” you said, offering her a reassuring smile. ”That tells something.”

”Yeah, it tells that I’m crazy,” she said, a hint of a smile rising to her lips. ”But he…” she trailed off, lowering her gaze and you could have sworn that there was pink coloring her cheeks. Your smile widened.

”So, how are things between you and Terzo?” You couldn’t help but tease her a bit. She hadn’t shared much about what was going on but considering the situation, you weren’t surprised why. Olivia looked back at you, the blush now evident on her cheeks.

”I really like him,” she admitted. ”And I think he likes me. As weird as this might sound, I actually feel safe around him.”

Something in your chest moved. Happiness. Joy.

”I know exactly what you mean,” you said, smiling and Olivia’s eyes lit up. She was happy that someone understood how she felt.

”Stupid vampires and their charm,” she huffed good-naturedly and you chuckled.

”They certainly are charming and know how to win people on their side.” You walked to the couch and finally sat down beside Olivia. ”But behind all that vampire glamour there is so much more.”

Olivia’s eyes settled on you again and she gave a small nod, though now her smile faded.

”Has something bad happened to you while you’ve been with Copia?”

You weren’t certain what Olivia thought as a bad thing but you had a few little stories to share that weren’t so nice.

”Yes, a few times. Some months ago when I had finished my evening shift I decided to take a shortcut to home,” you started, the memories of the evening returning to your mind. ”It wasn’t a good idea. Some vampire got to me and if Terzo hadn’t come in time, something bad might have happened.”

”Terzo saved you?”

”Yeah, he probably had been somewhere near and caught my scent. Then he took me to Hunter’s Moon as I was so tired and it was closer than my home.”

Olivia looked impressed and you guessed what you just told raised Terzo’s points in her eyes. For a moment she looked like she wanted to say or ask something more related to that matter but decided then otherwise.

”And what is the other not-so-nice thing?”

You sighed, lowering your gaze and started to pick on the hem of your shirt.

”Copia bit me,” you said quietly. ”He lost control for a moment.”

”He what?!” Olivia’s voice was higher now, the shock evident in it.

”Copia bit me,” you repeated, now moving your gaze back up to Olivia. ”It was bound to happen anyway, and we have settled it out. It’s been months since it happened.”

”And you still trust him?”

”Yes, I do. He regretted it instantly. So much that he didn’t see me for a while and he was starving himself,” you said, pausing for a short moment before you told Olivia the rest. A vast range of emotions went through her eyes as she listened to you.

”Oh fuck,” she commented soon. ”And I thought I was the crazy one.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that and soon Olivia joined in, then – completely out of blue – smacking you with the pillow. It only made you laugh harder and try to grab the pillow to yourself but of course you failed. In the end Olivia threw it to the nearest armchair, grinning at you and you just grabbed her instead, pulling her into a hug.

”Enough about me,” you said. ”Now tell me more about you and Terzo. Have you kissed already or have you – oi!” your question got interrupted as Olivia’s pinched your side.

”Who’s nosy now?” she shot back as she tried to wiggle out of your hold. You loosened your arms around her so that she was able to make eye-contact. The deep red on her cheeks and the grin she had told you enough and you smirked.

”Oh, shut up,” Olivia said, letting her head fall on your shoulder.

You laughed. ”I didn’t say anything.”

”But I know what you were thinking,” she stated, poking your side.

”So, you’re really in it now?” you asked and Olivia mumbled something you couldn’t fully hear. Gently you placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed her further.

”I think I am,” she admitted with a small, soft smile. ”Though I’m still scared of so many things.”

”This situation definitely isn’t making things easier,” you said, lightly squeezing Olivia’s shoulder. ”But I’m happy you are having an open mind and willing to give Terzo a chance.”

”Yeah, he really seems to be different than those previous assholes I’ve been with.”

You hummed in agreement. ”So it’s possible that he might be your knight in a shining armor?”

Olivia made a face at that, giving you a light shove. Smiling you just pulled her again into a hug and this time Olivia let out a long, content sigh, resting her head against your chest.

”Possibly,” she spoke quietly. ”But I don’t want to go ahead of things yet. In time we’ll see what happens.”

That was understandable. Not wanting to think too far. Especially now. Relationships weren’t that simple, not even though they might have felt like it.

”I’m rooting for you and Terzo, and I really hope it works out between you.”

You could hear the smile when Olivia replied. ”I know.”

It was nearly a dawn when the brothers finally returned to the mantion. You and Olivia had stirred awake from your slumber on the couch and rushed straight to them. They all looked tired but unharmed, at least mostly. Blood stains marred their clothes and skin and there were some tears on their clothes, as well.

You craddled Copia’s face, releaf washing over you as you leaned in to kiss him, tasting someone elses blood on his lips. They must have gotten a little snack before coming back.

”Is it over now?” you asked after and Copia nodded and then you heard a grunt from behind him. You peeked past Copia to see Secondo trying to shake off his shirt, pain visible on his face. Primo helped to tuck the sleeve off and when the shirt finally fell off from Secondo, your eyes landed on the big wound on his shoulder. It looked nasty, red mixing with something black and you were quick to run to take a closer look at it.

You lifted your hand, reaching towards the wound but there was a hiss and a hand grabbing your wrist. You met Secondo’s hard gaze as he pushed your hand away.

”I’ll live,” he said and you furrowed your brows.

”What happened?” You weren’t sure if asking more questions was now a right thing to do but you wanted to know. With sigh, Secondo let go of your wrist, his gaze softening.

”Got stabbed,” he replied flatly. ”There was some poison on the blade. It will heal but more slower.”

You nodded, eyes flickering to the wound, a small smile passing your lips. ”If you say so, grumpy old man.”

That caused tired chuckles to echo in the room and even Secondo flashed something that resembled a smile to you. With one last glance at him, you returned to Copia who slid his other arm instantly protectively around you, pulling you flush against him.

”He’s going to be fine,” Copia said, placing a kiss on your temple.

Your gaze went to Olivia and Terzo who seemed now to be on their own bubble, faces close to one another. Olivia was clealy crying and Terzo was wiping the tears away while whispering some soft words, presumably in Italian. Then you took a look at Primo who was still standing beside Secondo, eyeing his brother with worry and relief.

”Are you alright?” Copia asked, setting his hand under your chin and making you look at him. You offered him a smile, however a bit tired one.

”Yes, now that you’re all here.”

You were glad that they all had come back, just as they had promised. But you couldn’t push the vast exhaustion aside – it felt like it had settled deep into your bones and you were sure that you could sleep for a week straight. A big yawn stretched your mouth soon, and you tried to hide it with your hand but of course it didn’t go unnoticed by Copia.

”We should get some rest,” he spoke against your temple and you mumbled an agreement. ”Though I need a shower first.”

You wanted to reply to that with something sensible but your eyes were now heavy and you had to fight to keep them open and if Copia wasn’t holding you, you might have fell to the floor and slept right there. However, luxurious bed would be a million times better than the cold hardwood floor. Your mind barely registered the words Copia was speaking and then you were picked up and carried to your and Copia’s room.

By the time your back hit the bed, you were already half-asleep. You felt Copia caressing your face, placing a light kiss on your lips, and your heart fluttered happily as you tried to open your eyes. You succeeded to keep them open long enough to see the loving look in Copia’s eyes. And as soon as you closed your eyes, finally letting sleep take over you, you heard the words that you, deep down, had been dying to hear.

”I love you.”

taglist: @nijiru

[mirensiart]

just looked through a ton of your stuff w key & chain n. your honor. im love them. i love it sm esp when the distance and loneliness of zeldas position as princess is looked into bc like. yeah she probably wouldn't know how to talk casually that well! she probably would hate being vulnerable! she probably wouldnt know how to approach ppl in a way that potentially puts them on guard! i should focus more on zeldas frfr.

n it reminds me of my links & zeldas, as i made quite a few fanloz pairs, n esp bc ive been sorta integrating loz into my oc world. i noticed you mention as well that you like hearing about ppls loz ocs so if you dont mind- current fanloz on the mind are my favorites, which i originally placed right after raurus arrival as a thought of if the zonai died out by a plague, then what if it spreads through hyrule as well, but im tempted to place them after ganons sealing as well, being in the time where the beasts were created, and maybe right after the deaths of most of the sages. perhaps due to an expelling of gloom from rauru sealing him? maybe clining to remaining bacteria from a zonai plague and mutating? i figured link wouldve been a doctor of some sort & zelda couldve been one of the sages helping cure the plague but. thinking on it now, zelda as a plague doctor of sorts & link as an engineer for the guardians & beasts kinda goes. i remember as well i decided to give them a totk styled gibdo merchant npc who could regen limbs n stuff for carti (cartilage) to use in operations

i hope you dont mind me rambling about them, i just think theyre neat

So sorry for replying so late!!!! I finally got some free time now!

Yes yes yes!!! I love the Link Angst/Whump, but the Zelda Angst/Whump is 10000000/10 and I love it sm

Ok but, first thing first, Plague Doctor Zelda is making me INSANE ohmygod I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I love the concept of a plague explaining the zonai dying out! Would your Zelda be a Rauru/Sonia descendant? Like would she have some zonai blood? That would go so hard too 👀

Link as an engineer is good, working with the beasts, etc. But wouldn't he be sheikah? Like I remember the sheikah being in charge of all that in botw 🤔 sheikah link is peak though, so if you go with that it could be super cool!

A GIBDO MERCHANT IS SUCH A GREAT CONCEPT! I imagine him kinda like the merchant from resident evil 4 lol

Anyway, again, sorry for replying so late! I do love it when people ramble about their zelink ocs, but I might take a while to reply cause I like sitting down and taking my time reading all of the lore, etc!

[habitsbf]

hi hello throws my habit possession headcanons at you:

when he possesses someone, if he's in their body for too long (around a year-ish straight) the vessel begins to decompose within itself, and habit grows weaker. the vessel now depends on habit controlling him to live, but the original person is pretty much a zombie.

the physical signs of this happening are the vessel becomes very weak and fragile, the skin becoming flaky in some areas and having a dull, purple hue to it, bloodshot eyes and looking exhausted all the time

ERM!! i was thinking abt this the other day and wanted 2 share. i think you'd like em maybe

HIHI HELLO THERE :D while i do find these headcanons cool, like i do genuinely dig the concept of them, i have my own takes on them i want to share ☝️🤓

PERSONALLY, i think it works a little differently. i dont necessarily believe the body decomposes while hes in use of it unless its for a REALLY long time and his vessel passes on from natural causes, even then that would be rare since he forces his vessels to stay alive. either that or he simply inhabits a corpse, WHICH HE CAN CANONICALLY DO AND HAS DONE IN THE PRINCETON TAPES. HABIT himself does not weaken, just because his vessel is dying or dead, that does not have any effect on him. he can still take full control and be fine unlike patrick from MLAndersen0. HABIT is a pretty overpowered character.

THOOOUGH, HABIT DOES CAUSE PHYSICAL THINGS TO HAPPEN TO HIS VESSELS. for example, near the end of EverymanHYBRID in "The day the world ended" you can see that evans body now has dark, purpleish eyebags under his eyes. im assuming this is because evans body is tired and weak, but HABIT himself isnt weak and feels fine (the looking exhausted bit you mentioned was definitely accurate and canon). HABIT can cause waaay more physical things to happen though. in the tapes, vinny states every time he sees dr peters, the corpse HABIT is currently inhabiting, it looks less human. HABIT was also able to claw/cut the fuck out of vinny at one point, so i believe that vessel was genuinely MOLDING to him and aspects of his true form were starting to peek out. SO I MEAN TECHNICALLY, what you described could definitely happen! especially if hes inhabiting a dead/dying person who he isnt forcing to keep living for his sake.

SORRY THIS REPLY WAS SO LATE </33 IVE BEEN A BIT DISTRACTED WITH THINGS OUTSIDE OF TUMBLR BUT IM BACK NOW 🐇

[bellaxgiornata]

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UPDATE FFTD AGAIN IVE BEEN DYING SINCE NOVEMBER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i have a serious emotional attachment to that fic now n idk what’s gonna happen when it’s finished 😓😓

OMFG HAS IT REALLY BEEN SINCE NOVEMBER??? I'M SO SORRY!

I knew it had been awhile but time has been...nonexistent to me over here for the past few months. I'm lucky if I remember the day of the week lately 😅😅

You'll be happy to hear it is the fic I'm currently working on right now because it's flowing out of me. I'm probably about halfway through getting a rough draft written, but I'll probably be editing and updating Break the Tension before I share FFTDs next update once I get it written--assuming my brain doesn't just crap out on me before I can finish writing it. I've been on a roll this week with writing and have almost 3 drafts written alone this week now, though. So that's hopefully a good sign!

But I do hope you're all ready for this Second Angst Arc foreshadowing you're about to all be punched in the gut with in this next installment...

I love hearing that y'all still love this series so much, you have no idea ❤❤😭😭 If it makes you feel better, I too have a serious emotional attachment to FFTD, so I don't plan to end it anytime soon! It is my favorite Matt fic (and honestly favorite fic in general) that I have. And tomorrow is actually the series' first birthday 😭😭😭

[quodekash]

its been an hour and a half and I am precisely 17 minutes through the episode. this is gonna be a long night

SO-

SO WHY-

SO WHY DIDNT YOU-

WHY THE HELL DID YOU NEVER FREAKING TALK TO YOUR SON ABOUT SOCCER BITCH????

HE'S CLEARLY INTERESTED IN IT TOO

maybe you could've talked to him about it when he was asking you about fifa

you recognised the game, and he said "do you know this game?" and instead of telling him what you know about the game, or how you used to play it, or engaging in some kind of conversation, you say "Ive seen a lot of young people playing it during my campaign" because all you seem to care about is politics and the campaign, and teenagers as a whole generic concept rather than as individuals, and you dont seem to think of your SON as an individual

and I get that parenting is mistakes over and over again and its a learning experience for everyone involved, but I feel like after 18 years maybe you should have a hang on like. holding a positive conversation with your son for over 90 seconds?

WHY THE HELL DID HE NEVER TALK TO HIS SON ABOUT SOCCER, THATS ALL I WANT TO KNOW

SURELY HE SAW SAILOM AND KANG TRAINING VIGOROUSLY FOR KANG TO TRY OUT FOR THE TEAM

HE COULDVE JUST GONE OUT THERE AND SAID "hey I used to play a lot, can I help give some pointers?" AND HE COULDVE PLAYED SOCCER WITH YOUR SON AND HAD A GOOD POSITIVE BONDING EXPERIENCE WITH HIM

BUT NO, INSTEAD HE DECIDES TO PAY TO GET KANG ON THE TEAM

and I get that he had good intentions, he saw that kang wanted to be on the team so he wanted to ensure that kang got what he wanted. but it would've been better to actually show an interest in his sons interests rather than keeping it on the sidelines, to let his son work for a reward rather than just giving it to him without having achieved anything.

sorry I need to shut up about this man but I have so many thoughts and he could be doing so much better but he just isn't

yes

yes

thank you sailom, thank you

yeah, that about sums it up

good job

you got there

finally

but even though its been so long of you neglecting him, it's not too late to try to slowly fix those broken bonds

if you both work together, you can work this out

(ah crap now ive got the song from high school musical 2 stuck in my head)

(what is it with this series and making me think of high school musical)

BRO JUST DID THE SPLITS

THATS IMPRESSIVE

are you okay my guy?

ahhhh

okay

so the root of the issue: terrible communication

juST TALK TO YOUR SON-

how very heartliming of them

noooooo the angst is already here

they had the scene PERFECTLY set up for a tender guynawa moment, and yet they dove right into the angst

guy was injured and in the nurse's office thing

when guy got injured, nawa looked so worried about him

there was a perfect opportunity for nawa to go visit him and tease him lovingly and for them to have a thuakan moment in the sickbay

but no, of course its episode 10 and of course they're following the msp formula where they develop the side couple an insane amount in episode 9 and then come episode 10 and its focused on one of the main character's and their parent

which like is fair, both this plotline and the msp episode 10 plotline are very important but like come on man I just want my side couple content

oh

oh crap that is bad

but he'll be fine

right?

he'll be okay

he's still alive right?

he's just unconscious

the ambos are there, they'll patch him up and he'll be okay

please

kang and kong need to repair their relationship, and it's not too late for that

right?

surely

crap im scared

they didnt kill gim in msp, I have to trust that they wont kill kong

istg if they make both the main characters orphans--

ha fun.

this is so fun.

I am highly amused in this present moment.

how wonderful it would be to see your boyfriend's father potentially dying, and then moments later to see your brother being restrained and taken out of the house, clearly being arrested for that exact crime.

just such a... joyous experience.

HOLY CRAP THE EPISODE STARTED AIRING TWO HOURS AND TEN MINUTES AGO AND IM ONLY JUST NOW ON 2/4, I HAVE A PROBLEM

SEE??? HE'S FINE, ITS FINE, I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE FINE

ALL OF YOU WERE SO SO WORRIED BUT I WAS COMPLETELY CALM AND COLLECTED

HOY FRICK NOODLES COVERED IN GRAVY AND DOING THE NUTBUSH IM SO RELIEVED

CRAPPP

WHAT THE HELL??

it was an accident right?

or was he trying to keep name out of trouble

FRICK NOW THIS IS MAKING ME THINK OF FREAKING JUSTINE FROM SHAKE AND STIR PRODUCTION OF FRANKENSTEIN THAT I SAW AT QPAC THE OTHER DAY (which, by the way: so freaking good. if anyone happens to be in Brisbane for whatever reason (im not sure why any of you would, I have precisely two aussie bl mutuals, and one of them lives in Melbourne and the other is my irl friend who I watched it with) and you have a spare 50 bucks lying around (anyone under 30 can get a youth ticket for 49 bucks I believe, which is like insanely cheap for such a high quality production), GO SEE IT, THIS IS AN ORDER)

oh I got distracted

anyway AAAAAAA SAIFAH'S GOING TO JAIL FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK

...great. wonderful. so good.

I get it, kang's feeling a lot right now, which is fair because his father got shot for goodness sake, and his father might die, and he's already lost his mother, so he needs someone to blame, and saifah confessed to it, so why wouldn't he be angry at saifah?

but the problem comes in with associating saifah with sailom because they're brothers. he has every right to be angry with saifah (although I still believe saifah didn't actually shoot him), but sailom didn't touch that gun.

and now sailom's gonna have to go back to escorting, because if kang has kicked him out then he needs some way to find money, and that's when that scene from the trailers is going to happen

well now I feel like crap

is it time for a playful guynawa scene to lighten the mood? please tell me its time for a playful guynawa scene to lighten the mood

what

hey

hang on

wait a second

you told him to do it, didn't you??

you asked for his help for a few things

is he just acting surprised? why does he have to say that? he doesnt have to say anything at all he could just be like "well this sucks" and not like condemn him or whatever, I still dont think saifah actually did anything wrong

maybe he was manipulated as well?

maybe the guy, his boss, snuck in and he was the one who shot him, and name didnt know that guy was there so in his mind it must've been saifah?

or maybe hes testing ging to see what she actually thinks on the situation

I have literally no clue right now im so confused

GUY

HES IN HOSPTIAL

HE JUST HAD SURGERY

SO

SO

IS NAWA GONNA SHOW UP?

WILL HE HAVE A GIFT BASKET OR SOMETHING?

PLEASE I JUST NEED SOME HAPPINESS

AND I NEED GUYNAWA

PLEASE GUYS

MAYBE ALL THE FRIENDS SHOW UP

AUTO AND MAX AND NAWA

AND THEN AUTO AND MAX EXCHANGE A LOOK AND LEAVE NAWA ALONE WITH HIM

PLS I NEED IT

AWWWWWWWW

GOU4ERHSGPI4ERBNDPGIV

I LOVE ALL OF THESE POEPLE SO MUCH

OH????

YES

YES YE SYE SY EYS EY EY EYSH OM SO EXCITEF OMG

AND THEY WERE THE ENTIRETY OF THE PREVIEW FOR 3/4

ARE WE GONNA GET A WHOLE TEN MINUTES OF JUST GUYNAWA????? PLEASEEEEE

OMG

I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE GIFT BASKET THING

BUT I WAS RIGHT ABOTU THE GIFT BASKET

THIS IS AMAZING

HES SO IN LOVE WITH HIM, HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL ALONE TO GIVE A GIFT BASKET TO A GUY HE SUPPOSEDLY HATES BUT WHOM HE HAS HOMOEROTIC TENSION WITH

AAAAAAAAOUGHROJBD

I CANT BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE GIFT BASKET THIS IS FREAKING ADORABLE

BRO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE THIS LATE

and he doesnt have the gift basket anymore

has he already gone to visit guy and he's just come back

and we fully just missed an entire scene

guy only seems surprised that he's here outside of visiting hours

so they've already seen each other??? there was a whole scene of nawa giving guy the basket, and of them being queer as hell, and we didnt get to see it??????

TO THE ROOFTOP?

HONEY THIS IS A DATE

YOU'RE TAKING HIM ON ANOTHER DATE WITHOUT TELLING HIM ITS A DATE

JUST FREAKING MAKE OUT AREADY

also: the rooftop???? thats an inherently patpran thing. and patpran = soundwin. soooo... this is more evidence that guynawa are a different brand of soundwin

EVERYONE'S SO KIND TO HIM IM GONNA CRY

oh, honey...

ITS A DATE

ITS A FRIKIN DATE

THIS IS A FRIKIN DATE

HOLY FRICK

idk, maybe itll be easier to spot if you kiss first

2 hours of them just sitting there in silence?? when they couldve been kissing or holding hands or something?

NOOO I RAN OUT OF IMAGES HANG ON GUYNAWA JUST GIMME A SEC

(ps I forgot to actually post this one, I accidentally saved it as a draft so its coming after the final post I made lmao)

[laikaflash]

im so curious, ive been dying to ask you this:

which soulcalibur ships interest you the most? for the canon ones (lol the few that we have), what about them speak to you? for the noncanon ones, where is the potential for them in your eyes?

Okay, this is probably going to be a bit of a mess, but I'll try to keep it concise. Not jinxing it at all. Going off the top of my head... (drum roll)

Canon

Kilik/Xianghua: It's not for nothing that I summed this one up as "complicated, but dammit if I'm not there for the emotional roller-coaster" in this ask from a while back. I don't want to harp on why the way it ended in the old timeline makes sense to me, but again, I'm a sucker for star-crossed lovers. 'Tis better to have loved than to have lost than to never love at all, and all that... Also, I get the feeling that some overlook the fact that Kilik was raised in a Buddhist monastery as something that plays into his decisions.

Li Long/Chie: The accidental tragicomedy of "My girlfriend's a ninja?!", as I like to call it. Li Long started off as a hotheaded assassin who bit off more than he could chew while deep in enemy territory, and would've bled to death if Chie hadn't found him by chance. I like to imagine them gradually bonding as she nurses him back to health... all while hiding the fact that she and her father are fugitive ninjas, of course. (I've thought about these two a lot because I've had a fic languishing in my drive since 2020. Also, Chie's muteness gives me an excuse to practice describing a range of nonverbal cues for just about anything.) Long story short (pun not not intended), he went through hell and back for her... And it all worked out. Since he ends up in the ranks of the Fu-Ma clan during the pre-SC5 timeskip, I like to think he was a good adoptive dad to Natsu. He probably left the demon stuff to Chie and Taki, though.

Not canon (but I can always dream)

Siegfried/Salia: The Schwarzwind side-missions in Libra of Soul were my fuel, especially with Salia keeping the group together long after Siegfried ran off. ("Because without us, he would have no one to return to...") I think her feelings toward Siegfried were only mentioned in supplementary material before, so I was particularly happy about this part of the "Feelings Shared" side-mission:

Sounds like an open secret to me! (Pardon the uneven cropping.)

To me, Siegfried and Salia have the sort of dynamic that writes itself. Close friends, erstwhile partners-in-crime, leader and tactician... What was that line in Siegfried's SC4 prologue? Something about not letting anyone touch his heart?

(T_T)

To be fair, having a child born with latent Soul Edge energy would be a reasonable worry for him. That might be part of it.

Bonus: according to this relationship chart from New Legends of Projects Soul (page 118), Siegfried's mother sees Salia as "a nice girl, too good for her own son"!

(I'm probably showing more of that section than I need to.)

And now we enter my self-indulgence zone.

I've been playing around with a (very id-driven) Mitsurugi/Taki scenario and went into crackpot mode to flesh it out. It's an AU partly because I think it would take a lot for Mitsurugi to see Taki as something more than She-who-dares-get-in-my-way... Like, oh I don't know, him jumping at the chance to do some mercenary work, even if it means getting caught up in the Fu-Ma clan's business (and Taki watching him like a hawk the entire time). A fair trade for that shard of Soul Edge he picked up long ago? This is all supposed to diverge from some point after Mitsurugi returns to Japan too late for the Battle of Sekigahara (during the pre-SC5 timeskip). For now it's a bunch of notes and scenes clogging my phone's memo app.

There's just... something about a pair of rivals growing to trust each other enough to show their vulnerable sides, I'll say that much for now. Man, that was a lot of words for what started as my brain going NOW KISS.

Sorry this took two weeks. Thanks for asking!

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

ive been going through a lot of very difficult and scary things lately and im feeling overwhelmed to the point that its causing me serious distress. im so anxious that my body constantly feels like its on fire and like i need to leave. i can hardly do anything without getting scared to the point of panic attacks. im using my phone less because theres so many things on it that scare me.

im on anxiety meds, but my psychiatrist already upped my dose once and i dont know if she will do it again. i dont know if theres other medications that will work better. i feel like i need more material support from my loved ones but im just not getting it. its like ive been building this mountain of trauma and theres finally been an avalanche and now it feels like im dying.

i have a social worker and a psychiatrist but the company they work for sucks and they dont do much other than tell me things i already know. im just worried that im not going to get the help i need because nobody is willing to give it to me.

i figured maybe youd have some insight, or at least some comforting words or sympathy. i love the way you talk about things so i figured it wouldnt hurt to see if you had anything to say.

I am very sorry to hear that you're struggling so much and I am sending all my love, but this is not a situation I'm able to help you solve.

[thatsneakymedic]

October Writing Challenge Day 11 Blood

Pouring the extra blood in a new bag, he looks behind the anemic person who was in a dire need of it, the blood bag despite Kabuto accidentally tearing the corner of the plastic an hour ago. It was still new since blood bags that have been unlocked are still fresh after 24 hours so Kabuto got to work quickly to get it ready for transfusion.

"Sorry about the little spill, but it's nothing to worry about. Your treatment will go as planned. And if you're uncomfortable with this, I can go use another bag. It'll still be the same." Kabuto said with a calm voice as the woman on the seat waits for him to get the blood ready.

"It's fine. Blood is blood, and even if it is bad. It's not like I have much longer to live anyways. I just don't want to be in so much pain when my time comes." The woman sighed as she stares at the ceiling with a bored tone. Having severe chronic anemia really sucked when even with all of the fluids and eating the foods that she hated. She constantly needs a blood transfusion almost every month before and after her menstrual cycle. She's embarrassed that it almost feels like as if she's some glass of water or blood that would always "leaks out" thanks to her gender and constantly needs blood to manage the day. She hated how tired she is, she hated how a lot of her peers avoid touching her since she's always "cold" and frail all of the time, and most of all. She hated the annoyance and the pity that her family members would give her when she would at least try to maintain whatever's left of her relationship with them. Even though it almost feels like they're looking forward to her dying so that they can be out of their way.

Thank goodness that the one person who actually valued her worth was Lord Orochimaru himself. Who always offered his reassuring touch, how he didn't alienate her for her condition, and he valued her skills as a shinobi despite her constant need for blood. Specifically AB blood both positive and negative since her body itself seems to somehow reject all other blood types. As and Bs blood only give her half of the iron she needs temporarily while O type blood makes her even more "sick" despite that it's a universal blood that can be given to anyone in the world. An unusual case that Kabuto is also currently looking into.

Kabuto turns to her as he decides that out of respect, he'll put away that certain kind of blood pack that spilled out and he takes out a fresh one just for her, "Don't be ridiculous. You're not going to die, you're just taking your medication, no shame in that. And if you're worried about the blood supply, don't. There's plenty of AB blood for you to use."

"That's not the point. I'm just saying that I'm just tired of being sick and feeling alone all of the time. My other family members are all healthy and fine and they should've also have the same illness as I do, but it seems that I'm the unlucky one out of them. And they love to remind me about how much of a failure to their eyes and yet they have no idea how much me and grandmother have sacrificed for their sake." She said while her hands clench into fists.

"They call you a failure, but they don't have your family's genetic kekki genkai as powerful as yours and your late grandmother. Lord Orochimaru did say that you didn't need to bring them along to take care of them when we recruited you, but you.-" Kabuto's voice was cut off when she gave him a rather annoyed sneer which stopped him from saying what she already knows.

"I know what I said, and I can't go back on my grandmother's promise. They're all ungrateful and spoiled brats, all of them. Only sticking to that false sense of pride of a forgotten clan when we're suffering from fertility issues, our land stolen, financial issues, and genetic blood disorders... like mine. And yet they're all relying on me "the diseased one" to stay afloat."

Kabuto listened to her frustrated rant as he prepares the IV staff next to her and he gets the IV needle ready to be put inside of her arm. "If that is what you're going to stick to, I can't say anymore. I have already told you before that family isn't about being related to someone. Sometimes friends can be trusted and appreciate you more than blood relatives ever could. Just know that Lord Orochimaru does not see any less of you, he sought you out himself after all and you can trust that I'm still working on finding a possible treatment for your blood disorder. I just need more time to find it."

He now injects the needle into her arm and she doesn't flinch or wince at the sudden pain and he allows the blood to flow through the pipe and into her veins, "I'm just saying that, even though we can't replace your family and the bonds that you had with them before your illness changed their views of you, but just know that we won't ever be like them". Sick or not, you're still valuable and precious to Lord Orochimaru. So don't even think about dying, since even selfishly wishing for death only serves as a betrayal of Lord Orochimaru's hopes and his caring feelings for you."

She could only breathe slowly in response to that as the blood was now inside of her veins, and strangely enough, the pale color on her cheeks fades as she starts to look slightly more healthier the more blood goes inside of her. Her thin lips also become plush as they always had been. For her to already recover this fast despite that she would need at least another bag of blood after this one, further shows how unusual her condition is compared to other anemic individuals.

"... You're right. I'm sorry for not thinking of it that way. It was indeed foolish of me to take all of these procedures for granted when Lord Orochimaru has generously has offered his hand to me and to my family and is putting the effort to keep me alive. I guess my family's harsh words and treatment had made me forget that for a moment." She clenches and unclenches her hand as she can feel her body now getting warmer and warmer by the second.

She's slowly feeling alive and her cranky attitude from earlier was also diminishing to that of a submissive docile woman who's family's abuse has taken it's toll on her personality but yet only bound to duty and familial love and devotion towards them.

"If you ask me, you should... "limit" your contact with them in the meantime while also sending them the money for food and other important stuff that they need to keep themselves alive while also forcing them to seek out jobs if they want more money for frivolous expensive crap." That is if that's the kind of relationship you have that is already happening. They don't see you as human, but more like an ATM and someone who brings them free food from the government. You deserve to surround yourself with people who would appreciate and love you." Kabuto replied as he watches the monitor of her health to make sure that everything is going well.

"It's easier said that done when you know that I just... can't do that. But... I'm just so tired of their abuse at this point. Umm... Lord Kabuto. May I ask for a favor from you?" She thinks for a moment while she turns to Kabuto now, "Is it alright if I can spend the night here? I like to get some proper sleep before I return to them."

Kabuto looks at her with his glasses reflecting her pleading yet tired expression and he kindly smiles at her, "Of course you can. You can stay as long as you want here and eat the recommended foods that will be provided to you here, the only thing that me and Lord Orochimaru will not allow is for your family to demand Lord Orochimaru's audience or to stay here with you either. We won't tolerate any of their disrespect or unnecessary fighting, if you get what I mean."

She could only nod despite that she's holding in some tears of joy as more of her condition improves as the blood bag is now half empty.

"Thank you Lord Kabuto."

@lunyraartistry

[omegasmileyface]

some things fuck up your life if you dont do them. this post wasnt supposed to be about EVERYTHING, im a hedonist myself and a nig believer that if somwthing isnt working for you you should quit. fuck it. but, like, the thing i was originally doing in this post was an accounting lesson, because i paid hundreds of dollars for an accounting course because i hated my job and needed a certification to get a job i could almost begin to tolerate. if i did do it, i would be bored for 20 minutes. if i didnt do it, i would have wasted money i cant afford, plus the month of labor i had already put in, and i would still be just as unqualified for accounting jobs, and so i would either continue to not have a job (which i really cant afford) or have to get a job that makes me feel like dying every day forever

its about prioritization. means and ends. picking up a book i want to read is boring, but ill feel way better after reading it. calling the theater to order a ticket is terrifying, but ill be much happier after i watch the show. starting the essay feels like sticking my hand in a toilet but not having done the essay would ruin my one chance at a grade.

due to the season i posted this, lots of the comments have been along the lines of "this is a sign for my to do my taxes" and... yeah. if you do your taxes bored, you have one boring afternoon. if you do your taxes scared, you have a couple hours of checking up on yourself, and pausing midway to make sure your breathing is ok. if you do your taxes shitty (in the us), you get a letter from the irs that says "hey we need another $20" / "hey you gave us an extra $20" and you fix it. but if you don't do your taxes? that's when the real trouble starts

i am a strong believer that "cheating" is mostly fake, and you should make something easy and pleasant for you however possible. watch tv while folding laundry, store your toothbrush in the kitchen, whatever. also that you should be allowed to figure out for yourself what deserves your attention and quit things, even if it means "giving up" on a long-term goal of yours or "wasting" progress or disappointing someone. but i also think you have to do things sometimes, or at least start things, in order to have fun and pleasure (and do moral good) in life. you deserve slow-dopamine-release hobbies, and not facing consequences for failed responsibilities, and your friends deserve a friend who does (some) things with them and generally doesnt flake.

with all that in mind, its possible youre the kind of person for whom "waiting for the right time" actually ends up getting a right time before it's too late, or for whom you only feel really shitty about things if they're bad enough that you genuinely shouldn't do them. if so, that's genuinely awesome! but for most of the people seeing this post, there's some kind of disability or illness or just-plain-habit making that more difficult (i have seen this post tagged adhd a million times, and autism, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, and ocd a hundred times each (/hyperbole))... to quote a comment ive seen on it several times, from different people, "if I didn't do things bored i would never do things at all"— i go "uuuugggghhhh" everytime i think about my hobbies, or my career, or spending time with my friends, or being in public, or leaving my house, or just about anything else. but i still want those things. so, i made this reminder that when you think "well, ill do it later— i cant do it right now. the time isn't right; im bored" that "its boring" doesnt necessarily mean you cant/shouldnt do it. its a rule you made for yourself, and it has its defensive purposes, but you have to recognize it and know when its time to break it, you know? not everything has to be perfect, and not all positive motion needs to be immediate. you gotta plan for the future on neurotransmitter stocks sometimes

does that make any sense? sorry if at any point it came off accusatorily! i didnt mean it that way but i just woke up >< thank you for the comment!

realizing that sticking to the "do it bad" "do it scared" mentality implies theres also a "do it bored"

[smileymoth]

tw suicide/self harm/disordered eating idk im having a moment

best part abuot being a fucking coward is that i dont think id ever kill myself. like i am too scared to just injure myself . i cant even cut myself too deep without freaking out like i see a drop of too much blood and i feel like im gona faint . but boy if i do not think abt just ending it every day. i sometimes start thinking about details and it freaks me out so i stop but its just like a passing thought of ohhh i cant fucking take this anymore i need to kill myself . it would be better if i just fucking died bc i dont bring any sort of value to society. im deathly afraid of not getting a job. i dont want to live with my mom for the rest of my life like my aunt. i dont think i could handle it. i need to be alone and i need to be indipendent. ive been hurting myself since i was like 10 by just scratching myself or whatever but like actually starting to cut myself at age 22 is kind of embarrassing like. im an adult. what am i doing. i cant fucking do this shit man. i cried today bc i was all nice n cozy in bed and i just cried bc i was like god i wish this could just be how it was every day. i dont want to do anything i dont want to go to work i dont want to do schoolwork i just want to draw and get paid for it. but i just suck at everything. i need help with everything. i need to kill myself. tbf i could probably do the museum job forever. but i am never getting hired bc they dont need me there. i do feel like a job would be better than school. school makes me want to kill myself. im so fucking stressed about everything right now its unreal. i need a scale so fucking bad too and i need to get back into the flow of restricting properly bc ive just been fucked in that department lately bc im so overwhelmed. its so impossible to keep ttrack of what you eat when youre busy. when you dont have a specific routine. im autistic arent i. whatever. i need to just make sure im always under [redacted} kilos so that if the surgeon finally fucking calls i would not have to be like oops sorry i cant im still an obese cunt who you cant operate on. idk. i need to kill myself as per usual. like i cant keep up with all of this shit. i just want to not be so fucking stresserd all the time but life is all jut about being stressed and doing shit and i dont know if i can handle it. i can barely handle school and now im flipflopping between volunteering at the museum and school and im dying im just straightup dying like im pretty surre why i got so sick now was bc i was stressed tf out bout everything and not resting. and yet i feel like i havent done enough. i have done fucking nothing to secure myself a job in the future. i have no plans for the future beside "ill figure it out as i go" but things really dont work like that. im fucking wasting my life away im useless like. i have nothing to offer anyone. who want me no one. shoot me in the headddd nowwwwwwwwww i need to kms and die forever

and like i dont even know why i am like this. like im just fucked in the head. i feel like im gona be like this forever. idk if i can live to 40 like that. i have no horrid trauma that would result in me being this much of a sad freak who keeps whining. like i feel like im just pretending or like playing the victim to get idk brownie points from god or something bc i dont tell shit to anyone beside like 3 of my friends and all of tumblr but i rly doubt anyone reads these anyway like this shit too logn. tl;dr whatever. whatever. it feels like its my fault that im like this. i feel like i fucked my life up on purpose somehow. that its my fault that i want to kill myself. idk if it works like that. but the thought of that only makes me want to get worse. like ive contemplated so many times of just making myself bleed so hard i pass out but i cant bc im a pussy but i feel like it would prove sth to someone. probably to myself. that im not just making it up for attention even though yeah sureeeee the attention you get from slicing your skin and then making sure to always cover that shit up to make sure nobody ever sees . whatever. i hate this shit if you ever think abt cutting just dont you wont get rid of it and if your mental health keeps getting gradually worse so will that bc hashtag coping mechanism. its like the only thing rn that even helps it like calms me down but then its like aw shucks theres new scarrsssss that take ages to heal. fuck my shit life idk. im stupid and stubborn and i dont think ever. i think too much actually. i hate that i dont feel sick enough i hate that i just feel lazy and ungrateful. i hate feeling like im being weak so that others would do sth about it while i push away any and all help i get offered . if i do accept it i feel like shit afterward bc im not enough to get it done myself. i hate feeling like im always behind. like im sdomehow behind all my friends . ill never be good enough. ill always be behind. i peaked in 9th grade and it was all downhill from there. i shouldve been someone else from the beginning. i hate that i exist i feel sorry for my mother for having to put up with me i feel sorry for my friends for having to put up with me . im just pathetic and sad and i do fuckin gnothing to help myself

[bananabraces]

say and think whatever you want about me and compare our stories as much as you like but you will never understand how it felt to grow up with the long wordy story of how your dad isn't truly your dad and have your parents refuse to let you see your biological father all of childhood due to drug addiction and plain jealousy with the exception of the few times he tried to get clean for you only to find out just how much he tried to see you and how much he cared for you and loved and you and to see the texts between him and your grandmother where he asked if it was too late to see you just days before he overdosed. i'll never forget finding out more than you had ever known about your dad through a funeral pamphlet and the tearful stories your loved ones shared, how my grandpa had to excuse himself with a quivering voice as he talked about his own son dying, how i wasn't even mentioned at all in any of the speeches or the obituary, how my dad knew his little nieces more he ever knew me, how there's a whole family out there who shares the same brown eyes and auburn hair as i do and ive never been apart of it, how i can only see his smile on my face through the mirror.

i miss you so much and im so sorry that i never reached out that i always left you on read and pushed you away i wish we couldve gone to lunch with grandma like she wanted and worked on schoolwork together like you offered. i can't think of you without crying.

[agravemistake13ghosts]

IV. The Only Hell I Know Is Without You

A/N: I know it’s been a long time. I am extremely sorry. My hours have picked up at work due to a recent staffing issue as well as a promotion, so I have been very tired.

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Graphic descriptions of suicide as well as language.

One day the earth will open wide And I'll follow you inside Cause the only hell I know is without you

Die For You Starset

Saturday, October 26th, 1957 The March House Madison, Ohio

Emily had never given thought to what her life would be like without Royce. Had never entertained the idea that he would be taken from her. So violently. Seeing his shredded, destroyed body on that table had shattered her. Taken what sanity she had and obliterated it. The agony that ripped through her as she’d pressed one last kiss to his lips had felt like knives tearing her apart from the inside out.

Nothing prepared her for the black rage that sank into her ribcage and spread throughout her body when Johnny had got off for murdering Royce. Taking the love of her life from her. He got nothing! He’d had the audacity to approach her and apologize.

He didn’t mean it. She knew it. He knew it.

“Not yet,” she had said to him. “You will be. I promise you that, brother.”

She had spat the word with so much acid and hatred that her half-brother had taken a step back. He had tried to hide it, but for that brief second, she had seen true fear in his eyes.

Good.

It hadn’t only been Johnny that had paid. While the eleven people she picked were those she knew would cost him the most pain and torment, she had other reasons for them. Johnny may have killed Royce, but others had watched him die and done nothing. Three adults had been present during the race and had done zero to stop it or even attempted to approach the burning car. They had paid with their lives.

“There are some debts that can only be paid with blood, my darling.”

She stared blankly at the blood on her hands. Her arms. Her feet.

Johnny’s blood.

“Found you.”

Johnny cried out when the cold steel of Emily’s blade sank into his shoulder. He fell flat on his back, Emily straddling him, her bloody fingers clutching his shirt, using her weight to restrain him, the knife plunging down over and over. His chest. His neck. His arms. His stomach.

Johnny was dying, broken, every breath he took sounding gurgled through the blood coming up his throat and out of his lips, spilling down his cheeks in macabre red streams.

“Wait, wait,” he held up his hands weakly, as if to ward off his younger sister’s frenzied swings. None of this made sense to him, she could tell. Johnny seemed hurt. Confused, even. “I-I’m s-sorry.”

Emily regarded him for a moment, knife clutched tightly in her fingers. After a few seconds, she reached underneath his head and lifted it, almost tenderly.

“Too late.”

Johnny had no time to react before Emily had struck the final blow, dragging her blade across his throat.

It was done. Johnny had suffered. Now he was dead. She had expected to feel some sort of relief. All she felt was pain. With Royce’s murder, Johnny’s escape from justice, and then her subsequent psychotic break and murder spree, she had not allowed herself to grieve. She had shoved it all to the back of her brain, not wanting it to distract her from her goal.

Now there was nothing between her and the crushing grief ripping through her being. Her eyes burned with tears as they landed on a picture of she and Royce together. She picked it up, her fingers clutching the frame tightly. A scream of anguish ripped its way out of her throat and she smashed it against her dresser, shattering the glass into pieces.

There was nowhere to run, no one to turn to. No freedom from the truth. She hugged herself tightly, her form trembling. She felt like she was being torn apart from the inside out, every breath more physically painful than the last, burning like fire.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE

Seeking nothing but a release from her torture, she snatched up her knife that she had abandoned on her bedside stand. She pressed the tip of the blade to the inside of her wrist. The skin broke easily under the sharp steel, blood spurting out and hitting the floor as she dragged the blade vertically up her wrist, sinking deep into her skin, stopping right before the crease of her arm. She quickly repeated her actions on her other arm, spilling more blood upon her floor.

She felt the agony leave slowly with every gush of crimson onto the wood beneath her feet.

END OF POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING SCENE

Still clutching her knife, Emily half-walked, half-stumbled over to her bed, curling up on her side, already woozy from blood loss and shock. With all her concentration, she willed every pleasant memory of Royce she had to the surface and closed her eyes.

Bukater Mansion Woods outside of Arden, Ohio Present Day February 2014

Susan watched from her seat upon the chaise in the foyer of the mansion as Royce paced back and forth for what seemed to be the fiftieth time. He was anxious, she could tell.

“Royce, what on Earth are you so worried about?”

She couldn’t wrap her head around what had him so upset. She realized that finding out Emily had committed suicide due to his death was hard to swallow, not to mention the fact that the subsequent pain and desire to see him again had bound her to Earth. What she didn’t understand was what had him so upset. Did he think that Emily had stopped loving him?

Whatever Royce was going to say was cut off by the door opening. The sound of violin music sounded softly through the air as Emily flickered into view, her beautiful violet eyes locking on his blue.

The slugger didn’t have any time to say anything before Emily collided with him, her shaking fingers clutching his coat tightly, head burrowed in his chest. His arms automatically wound around her, his lips pressing to the top of her head, the smell that was uniquely hers enveloping his senses, both comforting and familiar.

Dead or alive, he had Emily back in his arms.

A/N: I had to end it on a happy note.