#sorry for being so long i'm horrible
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I donāt know what I want and I donāt know what I need but Iām glad Iāve got therapy tomorrow
#kindaā¦ down#feeling sort of broken#and I appreciate all the help#but I feel ignored sometimes like my problems are boring#itās be nice if someone wanted to help me fix them#itās just my brain being fucked I know#because I sound so ungrateful and shitty and horrible#horrible enough that itās like?? I donāt deserve nice things!!#but sometimes I say Iām sad and I get a pity like and told itās ok#I say I feel lonely and unliked and people say āawā#others might get a long discussion or an outpouring of āI like you!!ā#and i think Iām just missing out on that because I canāt make connections deep enough#also Iām needy and confused and never really feel like Iām anything to anyone#and that people donāt actually like me#and that me constantly feeling like this makes them like me even less?#but I canāt help it :(#and I wish I knew how to not feel like that and be normal#I think Iām gonna take a little break because Iām in a really deep hole#i'm sorry im like this#and Iām a little bit afraid for myself#finnie shouts into the void
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Part of why I hate this fandom's take on Autobots vs Decepticons is ppl (mainly 'con fans honestly) who can't have any nuance of the situation whatsoever and love to write plots like "oh the humans are racist and abusive towards Cybertronians so this is how Megatron is right" no actually I don't think colonialism/imperialism and racism are justified so long as you can point the finger and say "they were the aggressors first" or "their hands are no cleaner than ours bc their society sucks too" sorry. Please come up with better sociopolitical narratives in your war story.
#squiggposting#i'm too tired to like actually care about this any more#and ppl's fandom takes don't necessarily represent their IRL views#but i'm just like. oh so i see that you want to write mature stories with politics and dealing with bigotry. that's cool!#now do it in a way that actually refutes bigotry and makes some sort of attempt at resolution#bc 'oh humans are just as bad and evil so it's fine if we colonize them' isn't the pro-con take ppl think it is lkdsfjlsdkfs#honestly this is what john barber got right in his story even tho the politics in his became overbearing#at least he's like the one dude who rightfullly pointed out 'uhhh organics have history with cybertronians that makes them very justified#'in not trusting them'#but my mistake is expecting the average 'con fan to disengage from the 'revolution' part to talk about the racism and imperialism lmao#if ppl weren't cowards they would be able to write characters as problematic and bigots and imperialists#but still show their humanity and point out how the cycle of retribution needs to end at some point#and how killing everyone who ever did anything bad (esp for a race as long lived as theirs) isnt a sustainable model of society#that's my PROBLEM man like stop being COWARDS acknowledge that your heroes can be shitty ppl#instead of framing things as good guys vs bad guys and then framing absolution as being only for the good guys#what if good and bad didn't exist and we were all shitty in some way and none of us inherently deserve forgiveness. what then#what if you wrote a story where you had to deal with the reality of rehabilitating ppl who have genuinely done horrible things#what if you wanted to rehabilitate society but realized the majority of ppl in it are monsters. what then?#do you only extend forgiveness and peace to the ppl who got thru with no moral compromises?#do you want to kick the majority/almost all of your race to the curb and give them no mercy/second chances?#what if ppl wrote stories where sociopolitical issues had no good/bad guys and no easy solutions#what if ppl had the courage and ethical fortitude to say 'everyone here sucks actually'#anyways sorry for the rant
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tw // period mention, allusions to suicide + self harm
to my fellow selfshippers with pmdd:
your f/o loves you so much. they would do anything to help you get through any bad periods you might be dealing with.
they would be especially protective of you during this sensitive time of the month. if you asked, they would put away any sharp objects to keep you safe. they would bring out your safety plan, or if you don't have one, they'd help you make one, paying special attention to recognizing your triggers and finding what helps your unbearable mood swings feel more tolerable. personally, it helps me to visualize my future and look at comforting pictures to reinforce those goals, so imagine your f/o doing something like that with you-- if it helps, of course.
they wouldn't feel burdened by your intense emotions. they would try to remain in-tune with how you feel-- at least to the best of their ability. if you track your cycles, they would try to get involved, pointing out when you might start experiencing severe symptoms and helping you plan accordingly. they'd give you attention if you need it, and they'd give you space if that's what you prefer.
if you said something you don't mean, they wouldn't take it personally. they would gently accept your apologies and, if you're like me and you need these reminders, they would reassure you that your dark thoughts, your outbursts, your nightmares-- your symptoms-- do not define you.
on a lighter note, they would supply you with everything you need to satisfy your cravings and soothe your cramps. to them, your pmdd doesn't make you a worse person than any other period-haver. they would be glad to stick with you through the bad and the good. they love every part of you, not just those that they deem "easier to deal with." ā”
(pro/comship please do not interact. non-pmdders are free to reblog, but please do not derail the subject of this post!)
#self ship#self shipping#selfship community#self ship positivity#f/o imagines#fictional other#safeshipping#safeship community#pmdd#premenstrual dysphoric disorder#tw period#tw suicide#tw self harm#cw period#cw suicide#cw self harm#so to make a long story short. i stopped taking birth control bc i got really sick and it landed me in the hospital#i was planning to stop taking it anyways bc i figured it wasn't helping. well. two months later and i'm having the worst episode i've had#since maybe early last year or the year before?#it's horrible. i wouldn't wish pmdd on my worst enemy. i felt like i was being possessed by a fucking demon.#i genuinely felt like i was experiencing a mental breakdown today. and it sucks because i really thought i was getting better.#so now it's a matter of either getting back on birth control and living with chronic pancreatitis or just sucking it up and hoping i don't#get to a point where i make an attempt.#this is so fucking awful. i had a fucking panic attack because i thoroughly convinced myself that my mom died.#i'm sorry for going off in the tags. i don't see my therapist until tomorrow and i really don't know if i can make it until then#it doesn't help that this semester is already off to a bad start. one of my classes is already being canceled and i need it for one of my#programs.#anyways. fellow pmdders i love you and it sucks that we have to deal with this shit. i hope it gets better. i hope it gets better for us all
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Dog got put down today and the saddest I've been all day is because of pokemon angst. What the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I care.
#sigghhhhh#maybe it's because like. idk. i've accepted death or something and I know that it's gonna happen so I can't feel anything when it happens#but like#ugh#i can't stop thinking that maybe I'm just a horrible person who never even cared about her.#and i never even cared about everyone else who's died in my life#and I'm never gonna care#i'm not gonna care when my grandparents die. when my parents die. i'm not gonna care if my friends or any of the younger people die suddenl#because for some reason i only have a caring bone in my body for people who aren't even fucking real#because I'm selfish or something. and i only like people for what they can give me. idk. that doesn't feel right to me but like#WHY CAN'T I FEEL FOR THEM THEN??????#my great grandmother died. the woman who I spent most of my younger years with. and I felt absolutely fucking NOTHING#maybe that's because she'd been dead for a long time before that#i'm sorry but why were we taking care of a fucking husk. it'd be fine if she remembered but she. she couldn't even talk man.#maybe that's just me being insensitive#because I just don't understand why anyone would want to live like that. in pain#not even able to remember the people you loved. everything that you loved#i'd rather be dead#it just doesn't make sense to me#idk. maybe one of these days I'll actually feel#idk how to tag this#oh wait i posted this but forgot a tag#vent#ig
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i don't hate this sequel media where the main character is a woman (compared to the og media where the main character is a man) actually. i think you guys are just kind of misogynist.
#look. literally no one is perfect literally everyone has biases no matter whether they're internal or not.#however. you need to accept that you have those biases and work to be better#because you cannot constantly be blaming it on bad writing when if it was the og male character with the same writing you would love it.#this is about#star wars#legend of korra#13th doctor#'the timeless child are was horrible' i can guarantee you that a majority of you would have Loved it if david tennant was the doctor at the#time.#also on literally every single fucking post i see about 13. EVERY SINGLE ONE. there is a comment ab how the writing did her dirty.#compared to other seasons and episodes where the writing was also iffy but the doctor was a man. where you see almost 0 of those comments.#you don't have to constantly say it's bad writing.#im not accusing you of being totally misogynist. but there is SO MUCH internal bias that i see that you refuse to acknowledge.#you need to fucking accept that and think 'if this character was a man would i like her better' because the answer to that is almost always#yes.#you would. and that's. not fine. but as long as you can accept that and WORK on those biases.#sorry just. jesus christ i'm so fucking tired.#discourse
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...and i just found out another k-drama actor, song jae rim, committed suicide this month due to harassment. fuck's sake. what will it take for there to be a sea change in the culture?
#it's like the entertainment world knows there will always be someone to replace a star who kills themselves so there's no concern for them#like they're not human beings and their loss isn't a wound that will never heal#he was 39 for god's sake#MDL commenters are predictably the bottom-feeders of the internet about it#clicked out as soon as i saw some worthless shitstain declare he should have just gotten over a years-long harassment campaign#they can take a warm seat in hell next to song jae rim's agency#god people are fucking disgusting#rest in peace. i'm sorry this society is horrible and failed you so badly#tw: suicide
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I am re-reading Night Letter and am realizing I didn't do nearly enough research into scar tissue as I should have š I spent hours researching lavender marriages and U.S. Army dog tags from the 1950s (as well as ranks and dismissals and such) instead of researching one of the defining characteristics of the main character, aka his severe facial scarring.
Anyway here I am retconning his scars - they are hypertrophic NOT keloid. That is entirely on me because I didn't know what the fuck the term was for it and assumed that if they were raised then they HAD to be keloids. I'm so sorry for this. Like deeply.
For those who don't know the difference, I don't recommend looking up pics unless you're okay with seeing mild medical g*re. Brief description of the aforementioned scar types:
Keloid: raised, shiny, firm & rubbery in texture with no distinct pattern. Caused by an excess of collagen deposits during the healing process. These scars invasively extend PAST the area of the original wound and do not regress over time. Hard to treat. Can form over months to years after an injury. More common in black folks and other melanated people who have a family history of keloid scarring.
Hypertrophic: raised, but not to the degree of keloids, and can also be different colors and usually have a distinct wavy pattern due to collagen deposits. Also caused by an excess of collagen, but not to the extent of keloids. These scars do NOT extend past the area of the original wound, typically do not recur, and CAN regress over time. Typically appear within a month of two of an injury and do not continue to progress (typically begin to regress actually).
I'm attaching an image below the cut comparing the two.
Left is keloid, right is hypertrophic. You'll see the difference. It's easy to confuse them because they're similar in depiction, but this is a good visual example of exactly HOW they are different. Raised scars =/= keloids!!! Do NOT be a fool like me!!!!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/59e8f0ccd34fa7f5f1df34e2b330a088/0b315873a2c8139f-c1/s540x810/5a76ca0f7f55534f71bde2f8c852f23f2f15940b.jpg)
#fic: night letter#scars //#scar //#regg rambles#i'm gonna rewrite night letter at some point. it's not abandoned though#it's just been so long since an update that i'm rereading it and cringing heavily. many clarity edits are needed methinks#and also just minor tweaks i didn't notice the first time around (minimal grammar tweaks#mostly it's all just formatting bc copy pasting italics into AO3 puts a space after the italicized word#which looks horrible when theres punctuation after it!!)#okay so maybe not a REWRITE. just a re-edit. not much i'd REALLY change so far aside from the clarity stuff.#like the clarity in the deacon trash can scene also belongs in the trash alongside deacon himself#there was no good indication that frankie had heard something and that danse was playing along by continuing their convo#it was all an unspoken exchange. but there was also no moment of realization outside of the dialogue.#this is all bc i overexplain everything and was trying to not do that as much#and just left out any mention of danse realizing frankie is hearing something & trusting him implicitly even tho they're actively arguing#it was sooooo good in my head like fuck. the execution was so bad i am cryin at my desk rn#like they're having a BITTER FIGHT. and danse is VERY UPSET.#but the moment he notices frankie being weird. he works with him even though he's mad and upset and everything. it's so delicious in my mind#anyway sorry i didn't take my meds today and i am at work and can't think straight#regg writes
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So I THINK I know already.. but which songs on the Princess Luz playlist are about Hunter?
i've got so many OC asks to answer but i am so slepby and i'm a sucker for music so i reply 2 this quastion instead. i don't think i actually even posted the playlist over here so here it is. that girl sure can sad. sorry for making your life suck so bad luz i swear i love you so much
anyway. u probably DO know, it's pretty obvious what songs are about hunter versus belos versus luz's self-hatred. but i will give u the names and most relevant bits of the lyrics because i FUCKIN LOVE ME A GOOD CODEPENDENCY TRAUMA SONG WITH POETIC NONSENSE LET'S GOOOO WOOOOOO
people who haven't read the main fic can glean at least some of the vibes from these snatches of lyrics probably. sorry for making everything edgy horror about sad people. i will do it again.
gun in my hand - dorothy
why did love put a knife in my heart in my bed, in my head, in my heart was it for redemption or was it for revenge? was it for the bottle? was it for the ledge? was it for the thrill of pushing my hope to the edge?
chasing twisters - delta rae
i lost hope when i was still so young had an angel on my shoulder but the devil always won (...) feel the lives that i have taken, what little soul that i have left and oh, my God, i'll take you to the grave the only love i've ever known, the only soul i ever saved
frozen - within temptation
i can feel your sorrow, i sacrifice you won't forgive me but i know it'll be all right it tears me apart that you will never know but i have to let go tell me i'm frozen but what can i do? can't tell the reasons i did it for you
politics of love - rise against
i hear your voice in the wind it follows me, it cuts right through the noise as we spin on dance floors made of ice so rest your hand in mine steady now, ignore the sound of breaking lines the cracks beneath our feet as time runs out
heavy in your arms - florence + the machine
are you strong enough to stand protecting both your heart and mine? who is the betrayer, who's the killer in the crowd the one who creeps in corridors and doesn't make a sound my love has concrete feet, my love is an iron ball wrapped around your ankles over the waterfall
ship to wreck - florence + the machine
don't let the curtain catch you 'cause you've been here before the chair is an island, darling, you can't touch the floor and oh, my love, remind me, what was it that i said? i can't help but pull the earth around me to make my bed and oh, my love, remind me, what was it that i did? did i drink too much? am i losing touch? did i build this ship to wreck?
close to heaven - breaking benjamin
hate, lost inside, i dare to dream, faithless lies caught in the web, i will face the weak within so i'll stay unforgiven and i'll keep love together and i'll be yours forever, i'll sleep close to heaven i'm coming home, i'm coming home, i'm coming home
#then arguably 'shot in the dark' and 'the flowers' are also tangentially about hunter but MOSTLY about luz herself#'things i have loved i'm allowed to keep i'll never know if i go to sleep' hunter gets to be the things she has loved#'i wish it was over and i wish you were here' also about hunter. the rest of the song is just about being terrified and desperate though#sorry ive been listening to the same handful of bands for the past 15 years. i will continue to do so#just like i will continue to make edgy horror stories. sorry luz and hunter.#she's SO FUCKING SAD. JESUS. time to go reread the blanket snuggling i guess cause GOD.#replies#music#long post#horrible mindscape trauma pals#princess luz AU
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my parents are selling their house and i'm dealing with it so rationally and maturely btw. the 73 pictures i just took are completely unrelated to my fears of change and forgetting the little bits of memory that made this home
#i've never moved house before but i've been grieving this house since high school idk how to explain it#to have felt so trapped here for so long and then having it as a place i have to come back to every 3 months to the thought of one day never#? being allowed inside it again? how does anyone do anything ever in life this feels impossible but also like the smallest most trivial#thing in the world. hello.#i missed my sibling's spring break visit home bc of finals and now i'll never hurt my back watching tv with them on their bed? ever? for#fucking serious????#craning my head to make stupid faces at them through the hallway before bed. never ever? :(?#wish this horrible pattern of me missing the last chance i'll get to see someone bc of school first it was my dog and now it's my sib here#and i just. sigh.#sorry to mope on main again i'm just melancholy and this blog is my diary youre all just reading it#a post
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#sorry for being overly earnest on my main but like#had to look up some stuff for work and came across some child poverty statistics for the uk and just like I'm in such a rage#like I know I've seen it before and after 15 odd years you kind of become accustomed to tory cruelty and#become detached from all these horrible figures so maybe it's the pms that means that it's getting to me today but it's just so upsetting#how HOW are 29% of children in poverty in the 5th richest country in the world#and how have we let the tories get away with it for so long#and why isn't it being constantly talked about#like it's just so fucking disgusting and I just can't#anyway sorry again for shitty uk politics talk but I needed a word vomit
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tw: death threats???
i just saw a post and the gist of it was basically āmfs who write/enjoy ādark contentā are disgusting and sick in the head.ā and in the comments people were saying a whole bunch of vile things about people who like dc. one person even said that people shouldnāt even be alive if they like dark content, which is just completely not an okay thing to say. what the hell??? i donāt understand how someone can say we are the disgusting ones for liking dark content and then in the same sentence say that we should all die for liking it. it just,,, doesnāt make sense to me???
but thatās beside my point. i just wanted to say that yes, a lot of us do use dc as a coping mechanism, and yes, maybe it isnāt the best one to use, but that doesnāt make it okay to say horrible things about us? i can guarantee that more than half of people who write or enjoy dark content would never ever condone things like that in real life. me personally, the thought of something i write playing out irl is disgusting and i would never want something like that to actually happen to someone, but this is fiction; it isn't not real. like i said, it's just a way for a lot of people to cope with mental health issues and traumas that theyāve dealt with.
none of us are saying the characters are actually like that. none of us are saying that the characters would ever do something like that to someone if they were real. it's just a dumb way to cope using the characters that make us feel most comforted.
we understand that dark content isnāt for everyone, and thatās why tags and tw/cw's exist. if youļæ½ļæ½re uncomfortable or donāt like dark content, then block all of the dark content tags so that you donāt have to see it. don't complain about not liking something when you do absolutely nothing to keep yourself from not seeing that thing??? and absolutely do not treat the people who do like it as if theyāre horrible, shitty people because you saw what you didnāt like. arguably, that makes you the shitty person.
#āØ į¶»į¶»į¶» kolya ā±Ė¢ įµŹøįµā±āæįµĀ· Ā· Ā·#i'm very sorry for making this long ass rant post#but i'm just so baffled that these people were so comfortable saying those things while calling us disgusting and horrible#sure we have unhealthy coping mechanisms#but we're still humans???#with fragile emotions?#just where do these people get off on being stuck up snobbish assholes just because they don't like dark content#block us instead of being a prick next time
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at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/
#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it#bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things#and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance#that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross#but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that#they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable#but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about#which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies#and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get#i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety#sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time#i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them#but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this#i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice#ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF#LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM#like maybe YOU live in a bad area#but you're just a really loud minority#anyway. yeah. just. oof.#still feeling some kind of anxiety about it#win rambles
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i need so much time to process the information i have encountered today. i'm gonna be away for a bit.
#sunrise thoughts#i do not have the stability for this.#call me a coward and an imbecile who fell to parasocial relationship stuff i get it i get it#also people keep saying to not speculate but they're doing so so much speculating and i'm so confused and lost#and i'm aware i should watch shubble's stream and such#but i am not stable at all. i am not capable of watching something that will deeply fuck me up.#i'm not ready and i don't think i will be ready for a LONG LONG while.#if you follow this blog or/and you're my friend you know why.#i am so so sorry for shubble and what she went through is horrible and i'm so fucking sad for her#but i cannot process some of the information that's happening right now.#i am aware shubble has decided to not share names for her safety which i very very much understand.#and i know when i say this it's extremely selfish and so fucking bad but i am begging i am genuinely begging#that everyone who seems to have 'guessed' who the abuser is to be wrong#i know it's extremely bad to say#but i am entering denial mode of the grief processus right now.#and like i said. i will need SO much time to process things.#i've had such a massive special interest on this man's content since 2021. it is my strongest special interest ever.#a literal pillar of my life is crumbling down in a completely unexpected way#so please don't yell at me for not being able to watch this stream and such#i need time#plus the topic is very very sensitive to me for personal reasons too#anyway. that's all i will say. and i said way too much already.
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Relating to your last ask on how Sophie handled your parents, I'm always interested as to what alternatives could have been. Could they have done a fake boarding school esque situation, possibly having to use Beguiling or the like to convince her parents to let her go? Could they have erased only Sophie but kept the rest of their memories intact (but they might still have to remove them from their location)? If that's beyond an average telepath's capabilities, is that something Sophie might be able to do (likely with the training she didn't have at the time)? Could she have brought them to the elven world with her and in doing so become the beginning of rebuilding the bridge between humans and elves? What do you think would be best for all parties, if the situation had been approached differently and with more care than the elves showed in canon? Would it inevitably be a tradeoff between keeping Sophie in her parents' lives and keeping her parents safe?
Oo okay alright alright! Very interesting. I'm going to go through these and assess them based on what problems may be encountered and whether they'd be a plausible alternative--but! this is just for fun and my opinion, please don't take it against you, I'm doing this enthusiastically not critically :)
Fake boarding school: I feel like this is close to an idea Sophie wondered about, and the main obstacle here would be getting them to agree--hence the beguiler thing. But then we also encounter the problem of how long would the beguiling last? Would they need to be continuously beguiled, and would the council approve using a beguiler for that when they could use an alternative? Probably not. This also requires Sophie to continue constantly lying to her parents--even more so than before--which was something she didn't think she could keep up much longer. It's not impossible, but the technicals of this seem difficult and strenuous
Erasing only Sophie: Possibly! But like you said, that level of skill is probably beyond the average telepath, making it significantly more difficult. And given what we learned from Damel, until he worked alongside Sophie, he'd never washed memories without risk of triggering them back. There would be so many things that could trigger those memories. Another question would be: how many memories are left after that? Sophie has been integral to their lives for over a decade, how are they going to fill that gap? What's Sophie-free? I think it's a plausible solution, but would be very very difficult and time consuming, and have a good risk of triggered memories (since Sophie wasn't able to help yet).
Bringing them to the elven world: At the time, the council was involved and overseeing things. I can't imagine any situation where they'd knowingly allow three humans to live in the elven world just because Sophie didn't want to leave them. There's also the fact that they are human. Sophie moves to the Lost Cities for many reason, but one of them being that she's an elf who doesn't belong in the Forbidden Cities. Her family would be just as out of place if not more so in the Lost Cities, and I don't think Sophie could do that to them. They don't speak the language (although it can be given, as we saw with Amy), they can't light leap without help, they're not going to be treated kindly by anyone else if anyone else even knows of their presence. Amy said in Nightfall that as amazing as the Lost Cities were, she could tell that she didn't belong and wanted to go back home.
I've said this before, but honestly? I don't think there is a better option than what we saw in canon, or at least I haven't encountered it yet. There's no good option, it's inherently an immoral and unethical situation, and I just can't envision one where everything works out best for everyone and could actually be implemented. Your second suggestion about erasing only Sophie could be an improvement, but I worry that retaining the rest of their memories would inevitably lead to triggered memories of Sophie, and that can only happen so many times before they'd just erase their memories fully because it wasn't working.
If everyone was super super agreeable and realism disregarded, the closest I get is if Sophie's human parents are made fully aware of the situation and then knowingly allow her to attend Foxfire and engage in the elven world while still living with her. But the elves won't let that happen and that puts a huge target on her family, who are human and can't defend themselves against the Neverseen once they enter the story more fully. It can't last
So for now (and my opinion may change) it does seem like an inevitable trade off. I don't think they're good, but the two options presented in canon (fake death or erased) are the best of a bunch of shitty options. I'm not sure what I would've picked between the two if I were in that situation, but I think Sophie picking what she did was in character, and therefore the better option for the story.
But again, these are all just my thoughts and opinions and how I've engaged with the story. There's no right answer here, and I say this all as part of an enthusiastic analytical conversation, not as critical judgement of anything :)
#kotlc#quil's queries#nonsie#long post#i keep going over it. i don't think the situation allows for a 'better' option#based on multiple different parts#what happened to her parents being awful and it also being the best compromise are two things that coexist I suppose#and now i'm wondering whether I would let my family think I'm dead or if I'd have their memories erased...#i'd feel horrible if they were grieving while I was still alive. i hate misunderstandings like that#but I'd feel horrible taking them away from their lives#ough sophie so sorry you had to face this at the tender age of 12#anyway! i agree thinking of alternatives is very fun :)#i just. unfortunately. have been unable to think of a realistic alternative here :/#perhaps I'll find one at some point thought!
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DW fandom getting excited over an episode title will always be dear to me
#doctor who#2023 has been quite horrible to me irl#mostly work and my kid falling sick every 2 weeks (standard 1st year of daycare stuff but I'm so ready for him to be immune argh)#lockwood and co being cancelled#my supervisor being an absolute shit but me trying very hard to work with her and making things work#and then suddenly October hit#and the long awaited Loki series came on#and then all the DW content we've been having#plus Christmas being my fave time of the year#last quarter of 2023 finally looking good <3#sorry i didnt expect to rant in the tags
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weirdest thing i get told is that I'm strong or resilient. girl i crumble into dust on a weekly basis. i only take the shape of a person the next day bc the wind blows me back into that. i do not want to be doing any of this
#i think. i just don't want ppl to think this is me being strong#bc i feel so weak. the smallest gust of wind makes me fall and fail to get up#when i say i never recovered from anything that has ever happened to me i mean it#it feels like my past and the way it shaped me into this horrible creature keeps pulling me down a bottomless pit#and i feel powerless to stop it. mostly because i don't want to#and i don't WANT to be strong. so how can i be? can you carry a weight without intending to? i don't think so (insert atlas allegory here)#and saying I'm resilient feels like a straight up lie (which is funny since this is what my name means i think). i am like an open wound#a sandcastle constantly getting washed by the waves and my loved ones are a kid building it over and over#...I'm being very poetic rn. most of this is bullshit. sorry. i haven't created in a long while#point is. i hate being called that. bc it's wrong. and if i ever do get better and start wanting to live somehow -#- then being called strong now when I'm doing this bad feels like an insult to my future self#and if I'm strong now then imagine the astronomical strength i would need to actually stop falling and start moving#i wish i was dead and rotting in the ground rn#vent#lots of these tonight. sorry. idk what's going on. maybe it's hormonal shit. maybe my lack of near goal. maybe life just sucks#(all of these are true and combined into one. so. I'm at my lowest ig)
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