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cannibalcreepers · 4 years ago

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Cherri x Reader Lemon

Huhuhe, a bit of a big one I made for ya!

Hopefully it’s good I am not the best as writing stuff xD

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Cherri was an interesting man, that was for sure. You had met him as ‘Cherri Biggins’ at

‘Mosswick Camp For Kids’ that you had signed up to council for, after all it was a decent summer job and you yourself had gone to this camp before when you were a child.

As for Cherri, he was the camps groundskeeper, well he was the new groundskeeper who had replaced Mr Smith unexpectedly, as Cherri had kindly explained to you and the other ten councilors. But straight of the bat you knew something was a bit strange with Mister 'Biggins’.

He never seemed to eat around anyone, he was barely seen working and no one knew where he wandered off to at night, but what perplexed you the most was that the man never seemed to give the other councilors the time of day except for you.

It was no secret that many of the councilors found him quite attractive and so did you, the two different coloured eyes catching both the women and men’s attention, along with his fit build, long blonde hair, curved lips with the large scar, and seven fingers that seemed to have a different story on how the other digits went missing.

So you found it very surprising that he would stop his duties to help you lift heavy equipment like the canoes or storage boxes, it also got a few sourly jealous looks shot your way from half the council team,you could ignore those easily and luckily your friends just shrugged it off as you being a lucky goose to gets the rugged swamp-man's attention.

You took the kind gestures happily, letting yourself flirt a little back with Cherri and to your delight he would respond back in kind all the while giving you gentle touches to you shoulder, arms and back with lovely compliments to your work ethic or your looks in general.

What made your stomach fill with butterflies the most was whenever he praised your work “Yer doing so amazin’ there Y/N, kinda wish you’d stay longer than just a month” Cherri would grin, patting your shoulder before leaving you to get back to his own jobs.

So when the fourteenth night came along, you had never expected this little camp of amazement would turn into a nightmare.You had found two of your fellow councilors dead, their insides removed and limbs thrown across the canoe storage room. It was a horrifying sight that set your heart into a panic as a scream ripped out from your throat.

The first to find you was Cherri and you were so relieved to have someone you trusted there to be by your side, feeling his arms wrap around your body and pull you close to his chest “Shhh, I’m here” he would whisper against your hair. He pulled you away from the area and the now growing crowd of the other counselors that came to investigate the scream.

You didn’t know where you were being taken, all you remembered was walking and walking, the image of the two bodies stuck in your head. You didn’t even hear the sounds of yells and cries of fear and pain that came from the camp you were walking away from, all you could hear was the calm heartbeat of Cherri and the sound of your boots crunching on sticks and leaves.

Wiping at your eyes would you notice how far away from the camp you were, extremely far that you could hear nothing now, but the ambiance of the wetlands and wind chimes? Looking up from where you held onto Cherri would you see a handful of run down wooden huts, it was strewn with a variety of fishing nets, camp items such as ripped tents, sleeping bags and broken canoe paddles, clothing and suitcases placed in different places of the weird make-shift village.

As Cherri continued to walk you closer to one of the huts would you dig your heels into the mud a bit in protest, but the only response was the man’s fingers digging into your arms and being more forceful, here you finally found your voice “Cherri, where are you taking me?”

The man stopped and looked down at your tear stained face, he wouldn’t respond yet as though trying to find the perfect answer to your question “Thought you would feel safer here, away from the camp….away from what you saw? Do you not want to be aroun’ me Y/N?” Being asked such a thing made you feel guilty, after all the kind things this man had done for you and now you were assuming the worst of him.

“I do, I want to be around you. Is this your home?”

A large smile formed on his face and through your teary eyes, you thought you could see slight cracking and peeling around his upper lip, but the thought didn’t linger long as he got you inside “Yeh, it may not be homey but it’s home t’ me” Cherri explained settling you down on a rather dusty old recliner that had springs that poked into your back.

“Stay here, I’ll get you water” With that, he’d leave around a hallway bend to where you assumed the kitchen was, allowing you time to look at this man’s home and boy were you getting mixed feelings, either this man was a hoarder or was too lazy to clean out his home but there were so many items in the house from cages, chains, fishing needs, boat parts, house parts, clothing and so much more, your eyes finally settled to a half opened door and you felt a need to investigate. Looking back to where Cherri had gone around, you quietly as possible got off the old recliner and made your way to the dark room, stepping delicately on the creaky wooden floor so as not to catch the man’s attention.

Once close enough, you would push the door open and peer inside, hand reaching along the wall for a light switch. When the switch was found, you gave it a flick and winced at how bright the light was compared to the rest of the house, the room itself was simple, clean with only a single king size bed by the wall, a thin rug and a wooden chair in the corner, it definitely was different from the clatter and messiness of the rest of the house.

Through your snooping you hadn’t expected there to be a presence behind you, you had almost jumped out of your skin when you felt hands on your hips and Cherri’s lips against your neck. “It’s not nice to snoop’ round people’s homes like this” The man growled, the sound in his voice did sound playful but there was this hint of anger in his tone that made you go a bit tense.

“I-I’m sorry. I was just-” You were cut off quickly from Cherri’s roughness to spin you around, your eyes wide and shocked at how rough and forward he was. “Is fine, I’m jokin’. Though, for trespassin’ in my room, you should pay the toll'' You felt your cheeks go hot red as the man leaned in a captured your lips, they were not the sweetest of kisses, it was rough and oddly squishy, feeling as though his nose almost caved into your cheek and his top lip was made of rubber.

But Cherri was giving you no room to inspect as he was already leading you into the bedroom and on the bed, the kissing was getting heated as he towered over you, his hands sliding up from your hips to your waist, leaving your body to reach for your hands and intertwined your fingers in his. “Cherri…” You’d gasp out, reaching up to tangle your fingers through his hair and along his jawline, you would cry out as he bit at your bottom lip and began to grind against him, your mind getting foggy, completely forgetting about what you had witnessed before, that or your brain was pushing out the horrors in favour of something more pleasurable and easy to deal with.

“I’ll make ya feel better, darlin’” Cherri whispered against your lips, and in response you would bite gently back on his upper lip, which was a big mistake as there was a sudden tearing noise and you felt something wet and thick fall on your chin.

The hand holding went from gentle to a rough grab of your wrists, your eyes shot open in shock as Cherri forced your hands above your head and used his body to keep you anchored down, but that wasn’t what made you gasp out in shock. It was Cherri’s face, what once was a lovely strong nose and soft upper lip had been nothing more than prosthetic fake skin, which you spat out and gagged a bit from it being in your mouth. Now what stared down at you was a scarred blistered muscle of where a nose and lip once was, his sweet smile formed into a wicked mean grin.

“Ah dang….do you have any idea how annoyin’ it is to find that stuff? But that’s fine, you’ll get used to this face eventually” Cherri would sneer, before he could yank your arms up further would you respond “But I like your face!”

That was something Cherri didn’t expect, his hands around your wrists loosening up as his eyes stared down at yours with confusion “What?” He would ask, not sure he was actually convinced, so you continued “You’re so handsome Cherri….I don’t care about you being scarred” Your sweet words seemed to be melting the man’s anger, his hands completely letting yours go, allowing you to cup his cheeks and lean up to place a soft kiss to his lipless mouth, which garnered the softest of purrs from him.

“I want you to make me forget….I just want to think about you” And that’s all you needed to say as the man captured your mouth in his, his arms wrapping around your body to pulling you in close “I can do that” Cherri responded, that sweet smile on his face again.

His kisses left from your lips to your neck and down to your collarbone, gripping at the side of your councilor uniform, he unceremoniously began to rip and forced the shirt off you, wanting to get to your skin underneath.

Many more clothes would follow after, a mixture of your own and his thrown ungracefully all over the room, his hands sliding down your legs, having them wrap around his hips as his hardened cock pressed against your inner thigh. “You’re so gorgeous, Y/N, so fuckin’ gorgeous I could just devour you” He whispered, his hand that only had two fingers and a thumb slid between your legs and pressed against your hole, rubbing and circling around the entrance before sliding a single digit in, causing you to let out the sweetest of moans.

Your nails ran along his back as he fingered you slowly, curling the singly finger slightly to force your walls to stretch.

The second finger would follow in soon after, his thumb pressing against your skin whilst the two fingers stretched and moved at a painfully slow pace. “Please! Cherri, I need more” You begged, your body aching for more than the cruel torture Cherri was putting you through

“More? So greedy, how much more do you want?” The man mocked, his fingers starting to get quicker and rough, making you gasp at the sudden change “So much more! I want you!” You responded a bit too loudly, feeling your cheeks heat from embarrassment.

“You want me? What do you want me to do?” He was being mean, teasing you, the roughness once against going to a horrible slow pace, he was edging you and you hated it.

“Just fuck me! Cherri please, I want you to fuck me!” You practically screamed, staring into his eyes with a begging need that only made the man smirk smugly “How could I say no to such a pretty face?”

Slipping his fingers out, Cherri placed a hand on your hips as the other lined his cock up against your entrance and with a rough thrust slid his way into your tight heat. It was all you could ask for, being filled up by the man, both his hands now gripping at your hips, thrusting into you at a fast, brutal but simple pace.

The room would echo with the sounds of both your grunts, gasps and the slap of skin against skin as he fucked you. His mouth was agape and eyes closed, paying more attention to his movements and the pleasure around his body, that when you reached up to cup his face his head snapped up with a wild look in his eyes.

Seeing your flushed cheeks, full lips and lustful eyes, it all but made Cherri go full force on his thrusts, going from an easy pace method to wild and intense. You had to cling onto the man’s frame, nails digging into his back and legs wrapped around his hips, squeezing them against his skin to the point you would definitely leave marks and bruises on him.

As the pleasure began to hit, the wave of ecstasy filled over your body, crying out against Cherri’s chest as your body tightened and spasmed from the orgasim that wrecked you, your fingers digging into the man’s flesh until the bones hurt under your skin. The heated pain you caused Cherri was all he needed to spill into you, his own orgasim more a deep guttered possessive growl, allowing you to squeeze the last drop out of him before his body relaxed and slumped beside you.

Slipping out, Cherri wrapped both arms around your smaller frame and pulled you in close to his chest, massaging his fingers into your back in slow circles “Hmm, feeling better now?” he would ask, pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

As you were about to answer, the sound of a heavy wet thump by the door was heard, catching the attention of both you and Cherri. There by the open door stood a giant of a man, his hair the same colour as Cherri, but shorter and messier, with a giant scar that ran along his head and over where an eye would be, his body littered in scars and lumps. One eye staring at you with concern and confusion before glancing at Cherri, by this giant's feet was the body of one of your councilor friends, you froze at such a sight, clutching onto Cherri as your heart stopped, you couldn’t seem to find your voice, to cry out, hoping Cherri would protect you.

But instead of fear or any signs of being protective, the man beside you let out an annoyed huff and sat up to grab at one of his clothes “Hog, I’m kinda busy here. Go fuckin’ deal with that elsewhere” The man snapped, waving a dismissive hand at the larger man called Hog to leave. Hog was hesitant at first, once against glancing at your paled, confused face with nothing but sadness and worry before turning to leave, dragging the dead body away.

Through your confusion and fear, you felt Cherri cupped at your face and squeezed your cheeks roughly “Now, bout that cup of water….still want it?” Through tear filled eyes you would nod “Good Y/N….I’ll be back” You winced when he placed a kiss on your forehead and finally got off you and walked towards the door, picking up the rest of his clothing before stopping by the door to turn at you “Welcome to the family” Was his last words before leaving you to your thoughts.

#aww people wanna x Read my ocs #i hope you like it tho!#i am not the most confident in x reader stuff #lemony goodness #also not the most confident in writing lemon stuff

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the-awkward-outlaw · 5 years ago

Text

Second Chances - Ch. 11

A New Home

Warnings: blood, swearing

Word count: ~6000

You finish your story beneath the oak tree. You’ve been leaning forward for a while now. Shame rips through you as tears streak down your cheeks. You’re glad Arthur has already withdrawn his arm from your back. You can’t bring yourself to look at him just so you can see on his face how pathetic he must find you. You hate how weak you’d been for so many years, how long you allowed yourself to suffer. Of course, you weren’t exactly proud of how you handled it in the end either, killing your entire family when you could have so easily just run away.

You suddenly feel Arthur’s hand on your shoulder, rubbing with his thumb. Despite yourself, you look over at him. He looks at you sadly.

“I’m real sorry, sweetheart,” he says gently. You look away again.

“Don’t be, Arthur. Not like you had anything to do with it. But maybe we should just call this whole thing off,” you add, feeling your heart break.

“What are ya talkin’ ‘bout?”

“I mean there isn’t a future for us, Arthur. I obviously can’t give anyone a family, not even you, and I doubt I could ever lie with anyone without...”

“Ya think that’s the only thing I care about in a relationship?” he snaps, withdrawing his hand. You look back at him. “Darlin’, I don’t wanna lose you just because you can’t have kids. It ain’t like you chose that, so I ain’t gonna blame ya for it. “Sides, kids don’t make a family a family.”

He rests his hand on your shoulder again. “And as far as bein’ intimate, well, that might have to be somethin’ we work on. But I ain’t gonna force ya. What I’m sayin’ is I’d rather have ya as you are than not have ya at all. Shoar, maybe yer past gave ya some bad scars, and it might’ve broken ya. But I’m willin’ to help ya put yerself back together.”

A new wave of tears hits you. He smiles and grabs your hand, removing it from your knee and squeezing it gently. You feel your heart swell as you look into his soft blue eyes. He pulls you into his chest while you cry, letting you get all your emotions out. He doesn’t say a word while your pain rips through your chest. He just lets you cry, rubbing your back and brushing your hair with his fingers.

When you finally manage to compose yourself, he helps you stand up. He takes your face in his hands and wipes the last few tears from your cheeks.

“Ya gonna be a’right, girl,” he says gently. He lets you go and grabs your hand, leading you up to camp.

“Hey, what ya say we go do somethin’, get yer mind off of things?” he says as you walk past the hitching posts.

“What do you have in mind?” you ask, sniffing a little.

“Well, I been helpin’ this guy I met in Valentine. Says he’s an author, doin’ a story on some ol’ gunslinger. Offered me a lot of money to go find some people who used to run with a guy named Jim “Boy” Calloway. I found three of ‘em already, had to kill ‘em. Just need one more. Ya wanna come with me? I’m hopin’ she’ll be easier than the others.”

You blink a few times, the sun making your tired eyes smart a bit. “D’you know where she is?” Arthur pulls a photo out of his satchel. You see a tall woman in a black dress and large, black hat holding a rifle. He flips it over and you see the name “Black Belle”.

“Says here she’s holed up in the swamps of the Bayou Nwa. Think I have an idea where we might find her.”

You nod your head. “Okay, let’s go find her. I think I could use a good run. ‘Sides, I ain’t never been to a swamp before.”

“Nor have I,” Arthur admits, putting his photo back in his satchel.

You both check your horses, making sure you have enough provisions to last a few days just in case it takes longer than expected to find this Black Belle.

As Arthur leads you out of the trees from Horseshoe Overlook, you trot Rannoch by Artemis’s side.

“So you said you already found three others for this author,” you say. “What were they like?”

“Bunch o’ miserable bastards,” he says. “First was a man named Flaco Hernandez. Found him in a cabin up in a place called Cairn lake on the way to Colter. Think he was on the run from the law; didn’t seem at all like he was too happy ‘bout bein’ in the snow. Made me duel him, guess he weren’t too interested in talkin’ ‘bout his past.

“Then there was Emmett Granger. Pig farmer. Don’t think I ever been more happy to see a man dead.”

“Why?”

“He kept talkin’ ‘bout the horrible things he done to people. Skinnin’ ‘em, scalpin’ ‘em. Think he was makin’ it all up. Maybe he did kill people, but he was actin’ all tough ‘bout it. Made me clean up his pig shit just for a quote, but when I was done he wouldn’t give me one about Jim Boy. So I stuck a stick of dynamite in his shit pile and blew it up. He tried throwin’ a knife at me, but I shot him before he could. Like I said, nasty bastard.

“The last man I found in Rhodes. Ya been there?” You shake your head.

“Ain’t surprised. It’s on the west side of Lemoyne. Anyways, found him on a train. When I asked him about Jim Boy, he thought I’d come to kill him for killin’ some man in his sleep. Guess he felt real guilty ‘bout it, don’t quite know why. Made me chase him on top of the train until he got to the engine where he tried to shoot me. Like I said, all of ‘em were a bunch of miserable bastards. Doesn’t give me high hopes ‘bout this lady.”

“Well, at least you won’t be alone this time. Doesn’t mean I’ll be a good shot, though. Ain’t exactly a gunslinger myself.”

Arthur huffed. “‘S a’right. Like I said, we’ll just try talkin’ to her first.”

You follow Arthur’s lead, going over the plains of the Heartlands and passing Emerald Ranch. He takes you south and into a woodland. The trees start to thicken until you hit a wide, dark river. The trees on the opposite bank are foreign to you. Tall, wide willows dangle their ribbons of green towards the water. You cross the river through a covered bridge. When you enter the open air again, it’s almost like you’ve journeyed into a completely different world.

The air around you is thick and wet, almost soupy. You don’t entirely enjoy it as it seems to make the heat less bearable. A thick mist hangs persistently over the ground despite it being mid-afternoon. You can hear the ground beneath Rannoch’s hooves squelch loudly as he trots along. The vegetation on the sides of the dirt path is even foreign. Thick clumps of bushes, some drooping with the weight of berries. Tall grasses rise out of the mud. Tall willow trees, their trunks slick with green moss and slime. You see a flock of large white birds with long necks and legs take off into the air, cooing softly. Something loud growls from the right side of the path; it sounds huge. You hope you never see what made it.

Arthur takes you along the path where the trees begin to thin, opening up onto a muddy plain. As you run along the path, you hear the squeals of wild boars dashing towards the river you had just crossed. To the south, through the trees you see a wide, shallow brown lake. You don’t think it’s very deep as it’s dotted with multiple small islands, and in several areas the willows grow right out of the water. You spot what looks like a partially submerged log close to the bank near the path, but as the two horses approach, it disappears beneath the gloomy water.

You carry on, passing the lake. To the south, you see tall columns of smoke rising into the air from a distance. You squint your eyes, trying to see where it’s coming from through the muggy air. You can see the far-off outlines of buildings.

You pass by a muddy quagmire and see something strange. A lizard lies in the mud, but it’s huge. Larger than any lizard you’ve ever seen. It looks to be twice Arthur’s length, and you can see its teeth lining its long snout. You’ve never seen anything like it before. The animal opens its mouth and hisses as the horses pass it on the trail, but it doesn’t move.

“What the hell was that?” you ask, turning in your saddle to look at the lizard.

“Alligator. Nasty reptiles.”

You spot up ahead on the south side of the trail a small cabin held up on stilts above the thick mud. The land surrounding it is littered with bits of old wagons, a few empty crates and boxes scattered around. Arthur pulls Artemis to a stop and takes out the photo of Black Belle again. He reads the back and then replaces it.

“Think this might be the place,” he says, walking on towards the house.

You both dismount where the trail leads to the cabin, walking along the soft ground and to the stairs. Just as Arthur’s about to step onto the porch, the front door opens and he’s met with the barrel of a rifle.

“You there!” says a woman’s sharp voice. “You a bounty hunter?”

“Not right now, I ain’t,” he says, taking a step back and holding his hands up.You do the same.

“What about you?” she spits, pointing the gun to you.

You raise your hands higher. “No, ma’am. Ain’t never gone after a bounty in my life.”

“You Black Belle?” Arthur asks. She whips the gun back in his direction. “I’d like to talk to you about your wild West days.”

“I don’t care much for reminiscing,” she says, opening the door wider. You see her in a floor-length black dress and black hat as she steps out. A cunning smile spreads along her face. You recognize her from the photograph: Black Belle. “You got any friends is bounty hunters?” she walks out of the cabin, still pointing the rifle at you and Arthur.

“Not that spring to mind,” he says, taking a step back. You step back onto the soggy ground. She looks up and down the path in the distance.

“Well, then you done lead them boys here and you none the wiser.”

You both turn around and see several men trotting down the path towards the cabin. You can tell by the size of their group and the way they’re looking at Belle they’re hunters.

“Ah, those bounty hunters,” he says.

“Knew my luck’d run out sooner or sooner,” she snaps, lowering her gun.

“Well, get inside. I’ll tell ‘em yer gone,” he offers.

She laughs and points the gun back at him, stepping towards him. You pull out your gun but don’t point it from its holster.

“Oh, no no,” she says, ignoring you. “I ain’t hiding from them scalp hunters. I ain’t fightin’ them on my own neither. You still want that wild West story?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says, lowering his hands. You turn and look back at the path and the gathering bounty hunters.

“Well get up here, then. When I give the word, you pull that,” she motions to a box with a plunger. “Whole place is wired.” She gives him a cheeky wink as he takes his position. You kneel down behind the railing, watching as the bounty hunters dismount. One of them approaches the path to the porch, holding a wanted poster.

“Black Belle!” he calls. “We got a contract here for your life or liberty!”

“Well, why don’t ya let me see that contract there and we’ll talk!” she calls.

The bounty hunter starts walking towards the cabin. “Light ‘em up, cowboy,” she whispers.

Arthur presses down on the plunger, and the ground shakes as the hidden dynamite explodes. Several of the bounty hunters fly into the air, blown back by the blast. You pull out your sawed-off, shooting at the remaining men, accompanied by Arthur’s pistols and Belle’s rifle. She yells profanities and taunts as more bounty hunters show up. A wagon appears, a man hiding behind a gatling gun begins to shoot, spraying bullets everywhere. Arthur stands up straight, aiming his pistol. You’re worried for a second he’s going to get shot, but then he pulls his trigger and the gatling gun goes silent. You peak over the railing and see the man who had been operating it is now lying dead in the wagon. The three of you finish off the remaining bounty hunters until they turn and flee into the swamp.

“Woo!” Belle screams, standing up.

“Shit!” Arthur says, holstering his guns.

“That the last of them scalp hunters?”

“For now,” Arthur says, standing up straight. You follow his lead, holstering your gun. “So, you gonna tell me about yer wild West days? Runnin’ with Jim Boy Calloway?”

“Little boy Calloway?” she laughs. “The only runnin’ that man ever did was away from a fight.”

“Well, apparently the man’s a famous gunslinger,” Arthur says, lighting a cigarette and taking a puff from it before handing it to you.

“Don’t get what’s famous confused for what’s true,” she says and reaches into her cabin, pulling out a heavy burlap sack and throwing it over her shoulder. She walks passed you and Arthur. “Those of us who lived that life was too busy bein’ scared for our scalp to talk to no writers or novel men.

“What were they like then?” Arthur asks, following her.

“Same as now, I guess, only longer ago,” she says in a strange tone.

“Ya mind if I get yer photo?” he asks her, pulling out a camera.

“Not at all,” she says, plopping the large sack at her feet. She grabs her rifle and aims it up into the sky. Arthur snaps a photo and thanks her, stepping forward to grab her sack. She laughs, picking it up and away from him, throwing a sly smile before slinging it over her horse’s back.

“You gonna be a’right?” he asks.

“Been runnin’ for twenty years, suppose I’ll be runnin’ till I drop. Just the way it is.” She winks at him again before charging down the trail.

He waves at her, staring at her back. “Interestin’ woman,” he says, turning away and walking towards Artemis.

“No doubt,” you say, whistling for Rannoch.

After mounting your horses, you trot down along the trail. When you reach the muddy lake, Arthur stops and pulls out his binoculars.

“What are you lookin’ at?” you ask.

“Heard there’s some real interestin’ birds in these parts. I don’t see any...hold on. Well, if I didn’t know better, I’d say that’s Mr. Mason,” he chuckles, replacing his binoculars into his satchel.

“Mr. Mason? The photographer?” you ask, gazing across the water. You can’t see anything through the dense trees. Arthur turns back down the way you had just come, dashing along the shores of the shallow lake. Rannoch stumbles slightly as one of his hooves sinks into the thick mud. You’re grateful you don’t see any alligators nearby. Something about them gives you the creeps.

You travel along the southside of the lake and you see the photographer standing on the mucky bank near a skiff. His camera points out over the water.

Arthur approaches the man. You can tell he’s smiling.

“They creep up on you, y’know,” he says, making the man jump.

“Mr. Morgan! Ms. Y/L/N!”

“What are ya workin’ on?”

“Do you know anything about alligators?” “Only the basics, avoid them wherever possible.”

“Did you know that in the last 50 years, we’ve wiped out 90% of them?”

“You say that like it makes ya sad,” Arthur looks at him from beneath the rim of his hat.

“They’re beautiful creatures.”

Arthur chuckles. “Well, let’s see if you change yer mind when one of ‘em’s got you in a death roll.”

“Yes, I’m sure to make some animal a very happy lunch someday!”

“You stay there, you might get a great shot but then you’ll get eaten,” Arthur walks over and grabs Albert’s bag, placing it into the boat.

“What a way to go!” he says, staring almost frightened over the water.

“C’mon, get in the boat. It’ll be fine,” Arthur gestures..

Albert climbs in, handing his camera to Arthur as he clambers over the seats. Once he’s sitting in the front, he reaches back for his camera as Arthur helps you into the skiff.

You’ve only ever been in a boat once, and that was when you were very little, still living in Blackwater. You can barely remember it. You sit between the two men in the middle of the boat as Arthur grabs the oars, pushing away from the shore.

“You carry on shootin’ from that bank,” Arthur says. “Yer gonna wish them wolves had eaten ya.”

“Really?”

“Yes. The 10% of gators that survived,” Arthur calls from the back. “They’re the mean ones.”

You situate yourself more into the middle of the seat, feeling nervous. You slowly lean over, staring into the murky brown water, partially curious about what lies beneath the boat, but also terrified. Albert sets up his camera to point out over the water. He directs Arthur to certain areas of the shallow lake. At one point, you see a small group of boars drinking from the lake just as a wide, reptilian head emerges, snapping its powerful jaws around the neck of one of the boars, dragging it beneath the water. Albert’s camera flashes and he hollers.

“Yes! Caught him enjoying his dinner!”

He directs the boat further into the lake until the boat is nearly upon an island where you can see a particularly large gator basking in the sun.

“Oh no!” Albert squeals as the gator runs off into the tall grass and away from the camera. “We’ve spooked him. Would you mind, Arthur?”

“What?”

“Well, would you mind going over there and luring him out? He’s quite spectacular!”

“Ya gotta be kiddin’ me,” Arthur grumbles as he climbs over the boat. You grab his hand.

“Be careful,” you say, worried.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a minute.”

He slowly wades his way over to the island, peaking over the grass. He suddenly darts back to the boat, climbing in as the large reptile barrels out after him. You scream a little, grabbing Arthur’s arms and pulling him in. He sits on the seat, breathing heavily as the gator scurries into the water, away from the boat.

“You okay?” you ask, looking for the gator.

“I’m just fine.”

“That was quite remarkable!” Albert hollers. “I think we have enough photographs, Mr. Morgan. Take us back to shore!”

Arthur pulls out from the island, turning the boat and rowing it back to the shore where the horses patiently stand. He hops out of the boat, pulling it onto land.

“These photos yer takin’,” he says to Albert as he helps you out.

“Yes?”

“They gonna be any good?”

Albert laughs as he stands up. “I certainly hope so, though I’m doubtful. The subject is magnificent, the backdrop jaw dropping. But God’s agent of beauty is a talentless fool.”

“You shoar make me laugh the way you talk about yerself, Mr. Mason!” Arthur chuckles, putting his hand around your waist.

“Well, I’m good for laughing at if nothing else,” Albert chuckles as he pushes the boat back out into the water, rowing himself in a circle.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know. But may I mention that you two make quite the handsome couple?”

You bow your head, blushing. Arthur squeezes your hip gently, laughing. “Take care of yerself, Mr. Mason.”

“And you too, Mr. Morgan. Ms. Y/L/N? It was a pleasure once again!”

You both wave to Albert as you turn to your horses, mounting them and heading back to the trail.

“I kinda like that fella,” you say.

Arthur laughs. “Me too.”

You look to the south of the swamp at the distant buildings belching smoke.

“What city is that?” you ask.

“I think it’s Saint Denis,” Arthur says, stopping.

You suddenly think of Emma, your horrible cousin. The last thing you want to do is visit the city where you might accidentally bump into her. You’re happy leaving her in your past.

“Let’s go home,” you say, turning Rannoch to go up the path. Arthur follows you, heading on back to camp.

The next morning, you stand beside Pearson’s fire with Arthur, drinking sips of coffee.

“John wants you and me to meet him in Valentine. Somethin’ ‘bout rustlin’ sheep.”

“Oh yeah,” you say, finishing your drink. “He said he was gonna look into that job. Told me he wanted me to be part of it.”

“Well, good. Let’s go.”

You both ride to Valentine, spotting John’s horse Old Boy by the stables. He’s leaning on a beam, staring out at the livestock waiting to be sold. A large sign announces that there’s to be an auction later this afternoon.

“So, feelin’ better, I see,” Arthur says to him. “How’s the scar?”

“I heal pretty fast,” he says, staring out at the livestock in the corrals. You glance at his face and can see the stitches across his scratched face.

“Lucky you,” Arthur snips at him. “So you just lazin’ about or you actually want us here for a job?”

John straightens up and points at some sheep in the nearest corral. “You see them?”

“What, you see yerself as a shepherd now?” Arthur jokes.

“Maybe, c’mon, follow me.”

He starts walking away down the street and towards the main road of Valentine.

“Where are we goin’?” Arthur asks, following him and you walking in his lead.

“Collect somethin’ that’s gonna help with the sheep.”

“Y’know, that attempt to sound enigmatic and interestin,” Arthur says, grabbing Artemis’s reins. “It might work for Dutch, but for you it just makes you look stupid.”

You throw him a curious look to which he doesn’t see. John leads you down the streets towards the gunsmith. You listen to the two men argue about the wisdom of returning to Blackwater to collect the money that was left there. You agree with Arthur that going back would be nothing more than a death sentence. You have no desire to return.

You follow Arthur and hitch Rannoch next to Old Boy by the sheriff’s office, crossing the muddy street to the gunsmith. Arthur climbs up the steps to find John leaning against the wall near the door.

“Here, take this,” he says to Arthur, handing him some money. “Go buy a sniper rifle, will ya?”

Arthur takes the money and goes inside, leaving you alone to stand next to John.

“What’s the plan here, John?” you ask.

“Dug into that note you stole from that guy,” he says, lighting a cigarette. “Found out some fellas are gonna be bringing some sheep for auction here today. Might be able to grab ‘em.”

Arthur walks out of the gunsmith, the scoped rifle slung over his shoulder.

“A’right, let’s go,” he says, going back to the horses. You and the men walk down the muddy street and get on your horses.

“I don’t know why you couldn’t buy this gun yerself,” Arthur calls to him from Artemis’s back.

“Had a run in with that fella earlier. We ain’t on the best of terms.”

“You had a run in? I had a run in with nearly half that town! Why are you bein’ so cagey ‘bout all this? Always playin’ some game.”

“I ain’t the one takin’ Jack out on fishing trips!” John snaps as you pass the train station.

“No, you ain’t,” Arthur shoots back. “If you say the boy ain’t yers, then what’s the difference? You’d probably run off again!”

“Why are you so interested in my life? Ain’t you got one of yer own?”

“Look, just do one thing or another, not be two people at once. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

You listen to the two men bicker once more as you canter down the path out of Valentine, passing a tall mountain leading towards the Heartlands. John leads you both past it and up onto a slope overlooking the plain you had just been on. To the north lies a wood, and east of that is an oil field sitting on black ground, a train passing through it.

John leads you to the top of the slope and dismounts. You and Arthur follow him. You stand with the two men on the top of the mountain. Arthur pulls down his scoped rifle and looks through it. You pull out your binoculars and spot three riders in the distance following a small herd of sheep.

“Just put a bullet in near ‘em, scare ‘em off,” John says.

Arthur pulls the trigger, the gun thundering. You see two of the riders scurry off, but one of them just stops and pulls out a minuscule pistol.

“That one’s not runnin’ off, shoot again closer this time.”

Arthur shoots again, you see a small cloud of dirt rise up just behind the third rider. He gets the message and gallops away, leaving the sheep abandoned.

You climb back onto Rannoch and follow the two men down the mountainside. The herd has dispersed in the chaos, scattering over the plain. You go and round three of them up, directing them back to the main herd as Arthur and John argue who is going to take charge of the sheep, Arthur eventually winning out.

“Now ain’t the time for you to be learnin’ how to herd!” he says to John, guiding the sheep towards Valentine. Every once in a while, he spurs them on with a shout. Within moments, the herd dashes past the Valentine train station and into the open gate leading to the corrals. Three men close the gate behind the last sheep and then turn to you and your companions as you dismount.

“Fine sheep!” John says.

“They’re okay,” one of the men says, eyeballing you, John and Arthur with a haughty stare.

“You seen better ‘round here?” Arthur demands.

“I’ve seen ones with less ambiguity about their provenance.”

“What you tryin’ to say?” Arthur barks, stepping towards the man. You nervously place your hand on your gun in its holster.

“I’m sayin’ you give me 25% kickback, and I won’t say nothing to nobody.”

“Excuse me?!” Arthur says.

“Sure, I’ll excuse you. For 25%.”

“Do you want me to put another hole in yer head?” Arthur snarls.

“Folk swing for rustlin’ livestock, my friend. 25%!”

John steps forward, pushing Arthur out of the way. He and the man argue about the amount, bringing the agreed amount down to 18%.

“Pleasure doin’ business with you,” the man says as he shakes John’s hand. He offers it to Arthur, who hesitates before grabbing it. You can tell by his grip that he’d like nothing more than to break his hand.

“Calm yourself. Think of it as I’m buyin’ your sins,” the man says with a nasty grin.

“Yeah, yer buyin, but we’re payin’!” Arthur snaps, turning away.

John mentions to him that Dutch wants to meet him in the saloon just down the street. You start walking Rannoch down the road with them. You expect to go to the large saloon on the main street, but you spot Dutch’s horse, the Count, hitched outside a smaller saloon you’ve only seen but never been inside. You hitch your horse and follow Arthur inside, spotting Dutch and Strauss at one of the tables in the back. Arthur turns to you quickly.

“Hey, darlin’, ya mind if I speak with Dutch alone? I’ll buy ya a whisky next time we’re in town.”

“Of course,” you say. “I’ll meet you in camp?”

He nods and pats you on the back. You turn and climb back onto Rannoch, walking down the main street at a steady trot. You’re partially relieved to be leaving the town. Something doesn’t feel right.

You’ve just passed the tree below the rail bridge where the mutilated corpse had been hanging when you hear them: gunshots coming from Valentine. You stop, looking behind you. Of course, you can’t see anything from this distance. Within seconds, riders and carriages come barreling in your direction, pushing you further down the path to avoid being trampled as the gunshots continue. Despite your desire to return to the town and help, as you’re sure it has something to do with your gang, you return to camp. You stay in the cover of the trees, still mounted on Rannoch. You wait for several moments, nervous and anxious. You hear horses approaching and see the small white form of the Count and John’s large horse, Strauss clinging onto John. Arthur is nowhere in sight.

“Dutch!” you call as he charges past you, looking angry. He ignores you, so you follow him, dismounting your appaloosa by the hitching post.

Dutch begins marching towards Hosea when you catch him by the shoulder.

“Dutch! What the hell happened? I heard gunshots from Valentine. Where’s Arthur?” you demand.

“Everything’s just fine, Y/N,” Dutch says, raising his hands slightly. “Let me take care of this first.”

“Dutch Van der Linde!” you yell, surprising even yourself. “What the hell happened and where is Arthur?!”

Dutch sighs as several gang members begin to approach, looking worried. Hosea, sitting in his tent, stands up and approaches.

“Leviticus Cornwall showed up in town. Guess he was real angry about us stealing from his train. We had to shoot our way out. Arthur stayed behind to make sure we weren’t followed.”

“And you left him there?” you hiss. “You just left him there?! He could be dead for all you know, Dutch! I swear to God if he has even the tiniest scratch, I’m taking it out on your ass, Mr. Van der Linde!”

“Ms. Y/L/N!” he hollers, grabbing you by the shoulders. “Calm down! He’ll be just fine, he always is!”

“I don’t care if he’s been fine in the past!” you throw his hands off. “It only takes one time!”

You hear a horse trampling up the path and turn to see Artemis’s familiar form, Arthur on her back, sweaty but unhurt. You breathe a sigh of relief.

“You see, Y/N,” Dutch says calmly. “Like I said, he’s always fine.”

You ignore him and march over to Arthur as he dismounts Artemis. You plant yourself in front of him, hands on your hips. He looks at you, confused.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“You stayed behind while those other two just ditched you?” you snap. “Let me guess. You hid behind a crate while getting shot at by God knows how many men while Dutch and John just sauntered up the path?”

“‘S wagon, actually,” he smiled bashfully. “‘Sides, I got out just fine. No one followed us, that’s all that matters.”

“I don’t give a damn that no one followed you, Arthur Morgan!” you holler. “And I don’t care that you got out just fine this time! I don’t ever wanna hear that you let yourself get left behind during a gunfight so that I have to guess whether or not you’re coming home!”

He lowers his brows. “They had to leave me behind, Y/N! Strauss got shot in the leg, so John had to get him outta there.”

“But did Dutch stay with ya? No, he didn’t! He just ran off, letting you clean things up! I swear to God, Arthur! I never wanna hear about you doin’ something like that again! I don’t wanna worry about whether or not you’re okay!”

Tears are pricking your lower lids, you wipe them away angrily. You always tend to cry when arguing with someone. Arthur looks at you understandingly. He pulls you into a tight hug.

“I’m real sorry, Y/N,” he says. “Didn’t mean to make ya worry. Just so used to it, ‘s all. I always been looking behind Dutch’s back.”

“Well, you need to remember it’s not just his back you need to worry about,” you sniff. “Please promise me the next time something like this happens you won’t let yourself get left behind?”

He chuckles a little. “Honey, ya act like gunfights are somethin’ that happen to us on a weekly basis.”

You can’t help but smile. “Almost surprised they don’t.”

“Look at you two!” a thick Irish voice comes from behind you. You let go of Arthur and look back at the grinning face of Sean. “Gettin’ all cute with each other when ol’ Grimshaw’s barkin’ at us to get packed up! Typical ol’ Morgan!”

“Yeah, you’d know so much ‘bout helpin’ ‘round camp,” Arthur jokes, stepping around you and walking towards Dutch’s tent.

Grimshaw barrels towards you. A bear would’ve been less intimidating.

“Ms. Y/L/N!” she shouts, attempting to grab your arm. You dart out of her grasp. “We need to get movin’ and yer too busy yellin’ at Arthur to help! Now get over there and start packin’ up!”

You run over to your shared tent, grabbing empty boxes from inside the wagon and throwing Arthur’s belongings into it. You turn your head and see him marching away with Charles as Dutch tells them to go find a new camping spot.

Within hours, the camp is packed up and the horses are hitched to the wagons. You mount up on Rannoch, not wanting to ride in the wagons again the way you did when leaving Blackwater and Coulter. You follow the train along the side, going at a steady trot.

The train heads east into the Heartlands. You look back one last time at the trees that have provided you cover these past few weeks. You feel somewhat sad to leave it behind. Horseshoe Overlook had been a beautiful place.

The wagons continue on down the through the plains. You can see in the distance the few buildings that make up Emerald Ranch. The train heads down south where you see the familiar form of Charles galloping towards Dutch’s wagon. You trot up to the front, but you can’t see Arthur anywhere.

“We found a place, Dutch,” he calls. “Place called Clemens Point.”

“What happened to Dewberry Creek?” Micah says, joining your side much to your dislike.

“We weren’t the first ones there,” Charles says. “We found a camp already there. Someone tried to rob them. Arthur’s with one of the families now, takin’ them home. He says he’ll meet us there.”

“Very good,” Dutch says, whipping the horses on.

You trot down the trail with the wagons, passing a sign that says “Welcome to the State of Lemoyne”. You notice that the temperature has become warmer, the roads dryer. The trails fade from a soft brown to an almost harsh orange. You see, not too far off, the huge form of Flat Iron Lake. You know that on the far-off shore lies Blackwater.

After nearly an hour of travel, Charles leads the wagons off the main path and into a large cluster of trees, approaching the lake. The trees thin out, giving way to a large meadow with a thick tree in the middle. You see Arthur standing by the tree, raising his arms up and greeting the entire gang.

“What ya think?” he calls to Dutch.

“I love it!” he says, clambering off the wagon. “Think we can really make a home for ourselves here.” He orders Grimshaw and Pearson to start unpacking.

The next few hours are spent running around the clearing, placing wagons and raising tents. You rather like where Grimshaw has assigned your shared tent, overlooking the silvery lake.

As the sun begins to set, you stand on the shore watching the burning sun as it dips. Arthur walks over to you, handing you a plate of stew. You thank him.

“Guess this is our home,” you say.

“For now, anyways.”

#rdr2 #rdr2 fanfic #red dead redemption 2 #red dead fanfic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x oc #fanfiction #van der linde gang #i'm awkward #second chances #r* games #rockstar games

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yourhero404 · 6 years ago

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what's up! it's ya boy! got a good one for you i think. "our best friend's dragged us to this super creepy large cemetery, and now they both ditched and it's just us out here with the graves, and oh shit did you hear that? was that coming from the church?" AU with Amajiki and a gender neutral reader? (i would've gone with trans male but i think this should be for everyone to enjoy!! so gender neutral for everybody!!) i imagine that the reader hates being outside in the dark but stays brave!

A/N: Yay, you’re back!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ I love this prompt oh my god askldjfh (also, you’re so sweet ily so much already, im glad to see you♥) (also please forgive me if there’s errors?? I finished this up during work since im swamped this week o o f )

TAMAKI

The two of them walked behind their much rowdier friends, keeping close to one another as their eyes darted to their surroundings. (Y/n) kept their spine abnormally straight with their chest puffed out, though their nervousness was evident by their tight-lipped expression- the same could not be said for their dark-haired counterpart.

They glanced at him from the corner of their eye, noticing how hunched over his stature was- more than usual, that is. His eyes were swimming with fear, darting around him so fast it was hard to tell just what he was focused on, if he was focused at all. Neither of you paid attention to the pair of braver people in front of you, leading to you staggering backwards after running into a stronger back.

“How ya guys holding up?” Mirio asked, giving them both a thumbs up, despite whatever answer they gave, “Good!”

“Do you remember a time he ever gave us a chance to answer?” you lean towards Tamaki and whisper.

“No, not really,” he mumbled back.

(Y/n) took a moment to actually look around, letting their eyes adjust to the darkness and make out the figures looming in the shadows- the four of them had stopped for some reason that their paranoid mind had tuned out. The moon lit up the backs of tombstones, the breeze caused empty branches to shake, and a large, ominous building sat a few yards away. Their focus fell on that rather than the creepy idea of them being surrounded by the deceased- it was a run down church of some sort and seemingly untouched for decades, vines had taken over as different parts started to crumble and allotted dirt and grime plagued the once crisp, holy walls. Their eyes had to have been playing tricks on them- there was no possible way the curtains in the window pulled themselves shut. They must have been staring for far too long or their body seemed far too stiff, causing Tamaki to lightly brush his fingertips against their wrist to snap them back to reality.

“(Y/n), are you alright?” he asked, letting his fingers linger against their skin, “You seem tense.”

“Tamaki, are you really one to talk?” they teased, trying to reign their brave-faced façade back in, “You’re always tense.”

“Exactly why I’m concerned; I’m always nervous but you… aren’t usually like this,” his voice grew quiet, afraid of crossing a line.

“Ah, it’s nothing…” they laughed half-heartedly, “It’s just uh… just a creepy place to be if you think about it. We’re surrounded by dead people in the middle of the night- wait… what are we even doing here-“ they turned to where Mirio once stood, now blinking in surprise in the realization that he was gone, “Where did Mirio go?”

“He and Nejire left a little while ago- said something about needing to go head back to town to get something…”

“How long ago did they leave?”

“…10 minutes ago-“

“You stood there and let me space off for 10 whole minutes?” they asked, their expression a mixture of confusion and despair.

“I didn’t want to interrupt you incase it upset you…”

They sighed, shaking their head and raising a hand to point at the church- their hand shook violently and concerned Tamaki to the point that he gently pushed their hand down to their side, neither of them realizing just how long he held on to them afterwards.

“That, that’s what I was spacing out on. Doesn’t it seem weird to you?”

“(Y/n), everything about this trip seems weird to me.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong…” they squinted in attempt to focus their vision, honing in on the window they previously saw movement in, “But I… I saw something in there. Actually, I saw the curtain move, not an actual person… but still, I definitely saw something-“

“Please don’t say that,” he stammered with a nervous smile.

“I’m not kidding Tama,” the use of the simple nickname they gave him let him know they meant business, “I watched the curtain pull shut. There’s someone in there.”

He looked between them and the building, slowly shrinking as he folding into himself out of fear. Without warning, he jumped up with a small squeal which caused them to do the same- the wind blowing through the empty branches above them made a soft whistling sound that could be mistaken as a howl. Just as the two of them started to settle down and catch their breath, their attention was turned to the loud calling of a crow, startling them enough to cause shivers down their spines.

They huddle close together, standing close enough to relish in each others body heat and let silence fall upon them as a comfort. Leaning against the closest tombstone, they felt Tamaki lightly brush his fingertips against their arm, keeping his eyes glued to their shoes; (Y/n) welcomed the action by moving to intertwine their fingers together and smile at the blush that took over their friends face.

“Scared, Tamaki?” they teased, their cheeky smile dropping the instant he looked at them as though they were ridiculous.

“What kind of question was that!” his voice came out shrill, “Besides, you’re scared too!”

“I’m not scared! I’m just… unsettled by the idea of being out here… at night. I already said that.”

“Afraid of the dark?”

“Afraid of what’s in the dark!” they swung their intertwined hands in emphasis, “Think about it- who knows what’s really out here! Anything can come up and-“

“Please stop that,” Tamaki begged once again, cutting them off by placing his free hand over their mouth.

Both of them took a moment before realizing just how close their bodies had become, causing a blush to spread across every inch of exposed skin between the two of them. Tamaki removed his hand and instead moved to scratch the back of his neck nervously- though (Y/n) kept their hold on his other hand.

“Sorry…” he started, clearing his throat and staring at the ground, only looking at them with quick glances, “It’s just uh… that story Mirio told us- I don’t want you to accidentally jinx it.”

“Which story? He’s always spouting out nonsense.”

“The one about…” his eyes trained on the church, leaning his face in close to whisper as if something could hear him, “The nun.”

“Uhg,” they whined, “Why did you remind me! Now what I saw made more sense!”

The two of them turn their full attention to the building now, letting their eyes hyper-fixate on any view they may have into the building.

Recalling the story Mirio made, they envisioned each and every scene, letting it play out in front of their eyes in real time. It was a simple story, really; A soft, gentle nun who was loved amongst everyone had met her untimely end with a brutal swing of the axe held by one angry teenage orphan who couldn’t handle rejection well. But the details Mirio had used to spruce up his story, sound effects and all, set up a terrifying and gory play; (Y/n) and Tamaki both cringed, knowing just what the other had pictured.

“(Y/n)…” Tamaki whispered, “Do you see that? The stain glass window.”

They looked through the colours, watching a dark shadow pass behind the shards of glass on the second floor. It moved from one window to another- the closer it got to the clear window at the front of the building, the tighter their hands held one another’s. Before either of them could process what they had been witnessing, a bright, white figure smacked against the window, a loud, screeching howl following suit. The figure seemed crazed, eyes bulging and mouth opened wide to compensate their scream- Tamaki and (Y/n) noticed the tattered habit it dawned, the fear finally striking their hearts.

Screams bubbled up both of their throats- though Tamaki surprised them almost as much as the ghost had. Watching the ghost of nuns past must have overrode his fear, kicking his hero instincts into high gear- surprisingly strong arms lifted them from the ground, throwing their face against the side of his neck as he carried them bridal style, running in the opposite direction of the church- fighting back a lecture the entire way and settled on simply screaming about how they warned them about jinxing the story as he ran as far away as he could without looking back.

Little did the two of them know, their friends had made their way into that church as (Y/n) and Tamaki had been distracted- stood together and nervously attempted their version of flirting. Mirio and Nejire had planned from the beginning to scare the new awkward friends into staying as close as they could, comforting one another in an attempt to finally get them together- though it seemed to work a little two well. They laughed at their plans, watching as Tamaki had somehow found the courage to whisk (Y/n) away, but what were the two of them watching on the floor above?

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shiftingpath · 6 years ago

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lunars upcoming:

Fame-of-War: Full Moon horse with some tiger shoved in for fun. carries his entire family, wife and kids, around with him. has the Holy Moonlight Sword and it’s enormous. somewhat grizzled paladin, always The Dad to everyone he meets. extremely pissed at the city he used to live in and planning on returning to make active trouble for its rulers for having sold him out to the Realm, just as soon as he finds somewhere good to put his fambles

Peleps Asagi: Casteless? Changing Moon? carp Dynast. just came home from a tour of some satrapies after her graduation and Saw Some Things that made her feel like maybe the Realm is being fucking awful out there, only to come home to her little immediate family having been turned on by their larger group of kin and fed to the wolves. her family is going to sit on the top of the pile and everyone else is gonna pay. super soft and gentle and full of steel.

Widdershins: yall know Widdershins. No Moon black cat who was an aspirant in a promising mortal coven. when they found the secret to sorcery Widdy stole it and ran away and ate it. they continually visit their old coven to say hi and show off and give them some actually very useful tips on pursuing enlightenment. smug and standoffish and really infuriating but knows just what you like.

Snail Witch: No Moon i don’t have a name for yet, got tried for witchcraft of the Bad Variety alongside her girlfriend (neither guilty), and was fed a poisonous nut from a super poison tree as the trial. scarfed that shit down and splashed it back in everyone’s faces, bled the poison out of her girlfriend, and the two of them fucking flew off together to go be real witches in peace. her girlfriend is a solid thaumaturge and the Witch is full of gross Lunar tricks

Aytan Bone-Breaker: Casteless or No Moon bearded vulture bonded to @nightmarework‘s deathknight Lovely Bride of Rot. when the deathknight raided a village under Aytan’s protection, everything there was taken. Aytan doesn’t want her husband back- she just wants his bones. she was going to eat those bones. attacks and harasses and generally makes herself a giant pain in the side of the walking war machine of the dead as she takes what she wants. she sort of wants that girl leading it, but she also sort of wants to eat her. hmmm

???: just had an idea for another No Moon but don’t have much yet. petite thing with enormous violet eyes and masses of black hair. little weird witch, very charming and strange

lunars might return from 2nd Ed:

One Traveller of a Shifting Path: No Moon raven architect-crafter-historian. i mostly want to see him with working Craft charms

Zev Tosai: Casteless or No Moon hyena witch. she is probably my best older Lunar for fitting into the new Weird Lunar Allure focus

Merak: Changing Moon peacock assassin. give me all those good good Manipulation charms, fork em over

Angsawa Sister Scylla: Casteless giant crab Lintha hunter. former up-and-coming Lintha herself, now towering with piles of giant stabby legs. looking for that guerrilla hit and run tactic Lunars are so stellar at

Corvi Falsefoot: No Moon magpie. sorry did you want something? it’s his now. he does Not let go of it

Yellow-Eyed Lagar: Changing Moon alligator elder from the First Age. lives in a giant swamp and takes on a lot of student-adherents. really just such an asshole, master of patient underhanded tactics. likes to loaf around his domain in the form of an absolutely extra massive alligator. has all the Boundary-Marking shit and a lot of Make Yerself Big stuff

Teskallah: Full Moon panther student/lover of Five Days Darkness. mad at everyone and a little confused on what to do next. lets cram some Martial Arts (Tiger Style primary) in and see how they go with normal Lunar combat.

Joyous Izem: Full Moon crag cat with a giant goremaul. BIG BOY, good natured defender of his shahan-ya’s domain and extended area. just a good good boy with some hells of Strength and Charisma charms

#exalted #hour in white #lunars all day erry day #these are the ones... i know for sure #i have more

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jessefandomunited · 6 years ago

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Bette Davis eyes ( Billy fanfic) part 3

I waited for about ten minuets and Moxie came out with her friends right on her tail. She had changed into more comfortable looking clothes which consisted of guys pj pants, and oversized hoodie with a random design on it. Her friends eyed me suspiciously then quietly asked her if she had her pepper spray. She rolled her eyes and showed them she had it in her front pocket of her hoodie. I would definitely not try to startle her at all. They nodded and left the bar. “ Sorry about that, you ready Billy boy,” She asked looking up at me. I smiled and nodded as we made our way out of the bar. How was it possible that she even looked cute in pjs. “ So it’s right across the street here,” she said breathing in the night air, “ isn’t this refreshing, it’s so quiet out here.” She spun around a couple times before making it to the end of the cross walk. I smiled and agreed, “ ya, it’s really something.” I really never considered taking a lengthy walk that wasn’t to home after being in a crowded bar, but I might need to do it more often, the contrast was refreshing. “ So, tell me about yourself,” She asked as we made our way down one of the paths. I thought a moment, “ well. I’m from Ireland, and while doing a study abroad program, I met Alfie.” She nodded , “ you just were going for the adventure weren’t you?” I shrugged. “ I went on one too, to Nottingham, but we went here to London as well as Scotland. I did all my homework, but it was so easy,” She chuckled , “ I spent many weekends just having a grand old time with friends and some of the locals. I didn’t want to leave.” I nodded, “ where are you from , originally.” “ Florida, Americas swamp. I worked as an accountant there for a while after I decided school wasn’t working out, and they had an opening for the same job, just in London, and I was sold,” she mused swinging her arms a bit as she walked. I nodded and almost ran into her as she suddenly stopped. “ Sorry mate, I wanted to stop here a bit,” She said walking to the side of the lake we had been walking around, and sat down. I followed suit and looked at the moon reflect off the water. “ Isn’t it beautiful,” she whispered. I looked over at her, her eyes had widened and she looked at the scene with pure joy. I tore myself from her face and stuttered, “ yes…breathtaking.” “ that is so nice of you to say,” she chucked and leaned back. I felt myself blush as I decided to change the subject, “ so do you always walk out here alone?” “ No way, that would be super dangerous, I’m not looking to get murdered,” She sighed looking over at me. “ Then why,” I asked meeting her eyes. She jumped up and pinched my cheeks in a slightly annoying fashion , “ because I knew you would come with me silly.” She started walking again and I was a bit stunned and when I finally snapped out of it ,I jogged up beside her.

“ alright Casanova , how many girls have you won over with that Irish charm of yours,” She asked holding her hands behind her back. I was shocked, “i…I really havn’t had many girlfriends…maybe one or two.” “ Ahhhhh, so a player are ya, just out for the quick fix,” she fired back, which kind of hurt. “ Is that how I come off,” I asked softly. She turned and examined my face for a moment then smiled apologetically at me and patted my shoulder before continuing to walk, “ don’t take this the wrong way, I didn’t say you were, it’s just, well WHATEVER I’m sure you know already. Son you are drop dead gorgeous , and that accent is just icing on the cake, you could get any girl you want .” I stopped dead in my tracks, did she really just say that. I never thought of myself as ugly and sure many girls I’ve talked to have definitely tried to come on to me, but I never really thought of it in that way before, let alone have had someone say it so upfront and nonchalantly . She turned and cocked her head, “ are you done already?” I shook my head and walked up to her, “ no…I’m just a little taken aback by that, how can you just say things like that so casually.” She laughed, “ oh boy! That is a secret I’ll reveal to you when the time comes. So come on spill the beans, when was you last relationship.” I stiffened but blurted out, “ two months ago.” Why was I telling her this? It was almost like I was trying to compete with her, who could tell who what was on their mind the most. “ Wow, how long did it last, if you don’t mind me asking, “ she said continuing to look forward. “ A year,” I sighed. “ Good for you man, most people I’ve met only last a month with someone, I apologize for calling you a player,” She said shooting me a wink. “ Well, thanks, it was a pretty rough relationship honestly,” the words just seemed to tumble out. She looked back at me concerned, “ hey man, don’t tell me anything you don’t want to, I’m just a very open and nosey person, you can just tell me to shut the F*ck up at any point.” I shook my head, “ no no, this is good I havn’t really told many people about the whole thing, but….please don’t judge me too harshly.” She rose an eyebrow, “ okay, but it wasn’t illegal was it, no animals or anything right?” “ NO,” I blurted making her laugh, “ I was just kidding, go on man I’m listening.” I collected my thoughts for a moment before telling her about it her face remained stoic throughout it , just listening and nodding occasionally to let me know she was listening, but her eyes were mainly fixed forward as if she was trying to make me feel as comfortable as possible, which I appreciated it. After I finished she thought a moment. The silence seemed to press on my ears and I almost was about to say something, anything , just to have some noise. She finally looked over at me and asked, “ what were the traits about her that you most admired, I don’t think it’s wrong to be attracted to her, but what was the root cause.” I was taken aback by this question , she went from being sarcastic and flirty to smart and serious in an instant. “ Well,” I thought, “ I guess her personality, she wasn’t acting like she had everything together, she was open and honest and adorably awkward. Her family was great, her daughters were adorable and fun, I always felt just instantly at home in their house.” She considered this then asked, “ do you think it might be that you wanted to jumpstart your life ?” “ What do you mean,” I said puzzled by this comment. She looked as thought she was trying to find the right words then explained, “ I feel like you may be wanting to grow up a bit too fast. You have the job, but now you want a family, and here comes this mother who fits well with your personality, she’s beautiful, makes you laugh, and she has the family starter pack of sorts. Kids , house , stable job. I’m not saying that you weren’t in love with her, but I also think you were in love with the idea of having all the extra things that came along with being with her .” I was speechless, I felt like I should have been angry at her but I just couldn’t, the more I thought about it, the more truth I found in that statement. “ And after a while, as you said, the fit became less snug, while every relationship had issues you found ones that you personally couldn’t cope with,” she abruptly stopped and added, “ I’m so sorry, I can just leave you alone I went too far you’re still recovering.” She spun on her heels and quickly started walking away. “ Wait,” I called out , following her, “ hey don’t leave I’m not mad…I just never heard that before, and it sounds very accurate.” She looked relieved, “ listen I’m really sorry, hey you said you like to cook right?” She changed the subject so abruptly that it made me laugh, “ yes I do I am a chef.” “ Good I’m starving ,” She smirked. “ Wait….now, it’s like almost one o clock,” I said incredulously . “ Do you have work tomorrow,” she asked tilting her head. “Well no,” I admitted then sighed, “ well i guess lets go then.” She brightened, “ YEET!” I shook my head and added, “ hey I hate to disappoint you but if we’re going to my flat I have to lead the way.” She did this fake gasp and put her hand to her chest, “ are you inviting me to your apartment, so soon?” I blushed, “ well….” “ I’m only joking, lead the way,” She said punching me in the arm. With that we walked back, talking about nothing in particular the whole way. It was kind of crazy how comfortable i felt with her even though we just met, but i really was liking it.

#Robert Sheehan #me and mrs jones

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flyonlittlewinchester · 7 years ago

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Easier

Pairing: DeanXReader

Warnings: Angst, minor character death, explicit violence, abusive relationship

A/N: Just a one-shot from my brain. If you’d like a sequel let me know but for now this is a standalone piece.

Summary: Reader comes to the bunker after her boyfriend beats her up.

It was 2am. She opened the door to the bunker trying to be as quiet as possible. She didn’t want to wake the boys. It would be easier to answer their questions in the morning. Easier to lie in the morning. By then the bruises would be a little more faded; easier to cover up.

*buzz buzz*

Baby I’m sorry. Come back I miss you. I’ll take my meds this time I promise.

She was tempted. She wanted to believe him. She knew what kind of person he was capable of being and she thought she could save him. If anyone could change him it would be her. She was tough, she could take it. It’s not like she hadn’t dealt with worse from monsters. He didn’t even hit her that hard really. It was her fault. She shouldn’t have provoked him when she knew he was having a bad day. These thoughts slammed around in her head and she almost turned around and went back when she heard footsteps approaching.

Shit. She thought.

“Y/N?” Sam asked, clearly confused.

She painted on the best smile she could muster up.

“Hey Sammy. Didn’t mean to wake you man. I was just gonna crash here for the night if you don’t mind?” She said her voice unsure and shaking.

“Yeah sure thing, is there a problem?”

“Um no I was just ya know on my way back from a hunt. Simple salt and burn.” She said doing a terrible job of lying.

“Y/N your place is 3 minutes from here. You sure everything’s ok?” Sam asked getting more concerned by the second.

“Yeah just really tired. Goodnight.” She ducked her head as she tried to pass him but he turned the lamp on before she could.

Blood ran down her cheek from her hairline. Her lips were swollen and bruises covered her face and neck. The ones on her neck looked suspiciously like fingers and that wasn’t lost on Sam.

“Y/N, what the hell happened?” Sam was livid now.

“It’s nothing Sammy, just a ghost that got rough.”

“Simple salt and burns don’t leave finger marks on your neck, Y/N” Sam reached up to move her hair away from her face when she flinched. It was a dead giveaway.

“It was that piece of shit Derek, wasn’t it?” Sam said trying to control his voice for fear of scaring her.

She didn’t answer his question which gave him all the answer he needed.

“Dean! Get your ass up we got a job to do!” Sam shouted disappearing down the hallway.

Y/N stepped into the kitchen to try and clean herself up a little. She didn’t want Dean to see her like this. She didn’t want to see him look at her with pity, like she was something fragile. She wanted him to see her as tough and strong and someone worthy of his love. She had always wanted his love but never felt deserving of it. That’s why she always settled for cheap carbon copies that treated her like garbage. Which brings us to Derek. He was tall-ish with lifeless brown hair and eyes that could pass for green in the right lighting but for the most part looked like cloudy swamp water. He had muscles but didn’t really work out so they weren’t defined. Nothing like Dean.

They could pass as similar but there was just something about Dean that could never be replicated. But she wouldn’t ever admit this to herself. She couldn’t. It wasn’t safe. They already risked their lives enough. They didn’t need any more vulnerabilities. Besides, she didn’t deserve Dean anyway.

She cleaned herself up the best she could but the cuts and bruises were still there. She could hear the footsteps coming down the hallway and she left the kitchen to meet the boys.

“He’s a fucking dead man.” She heard Dean snarl before he turned the corner. One look at her and he stopped dead in his tracks. The face he loved marred almost beyond recognition. Her usual air of strength and confidence stripped away. He didn’t recognize the girl in front of him and it broke his heart. It only strengthened his resolve to end the life of the person responsible. Derek. Dean could never stand the guy and couldn’t fathom why Y/N would pick someone like him. She deserved someone strong and patient and- him. She deserved him. No one could protect her like he could. No one would love her like he would. But she didn’t want that and at the end of the day he loved her too much not to respect her decisions. Even if that decision was Derek. But it was time to step up now. He respected her decisions but he wasn’t gonna let his girl be treated like that. Not as long as he lived. Y/N looked down when she met Dean’s eyes. She tried to keep her face turned as much as possible so he wouldn’t see how bad it really was. Dean approached her as slow as possible so she wouldn’t be startled while Sam hung back a little bit, twirling a baseball bat in his hands.

“It’s ok baby girl I just wanna check the cuts.” Dean said, reaching his hand up to turn her face. She locked eyes with him and the tears started to fall.

“It’s my fault Dean. He was having a bad day and I pushed him too far. I deserved it.” She whimpered.

Dean’s eyes flared with anger but he kept his voice calm.

“Listen sweetheart. I don’t ever want to hear you say that again, understand? Nothing you could do is deserving of this.” He said stroking her face with his fingertips. They felt like feathers as she leaned into his touch. He pulled her in and hugged tight, noticing when she winced.

“Where all did he hit you?” Dean asked.

She pointed to her ribs and her stomach.

“Can I see?” She nodded her head and lifted up her shirt exposing fresh bruises alongside ones that were clearly days old.

“He likes to kick.” She responded.

Dean shot a look back at Sam who was barely keeping it together. Y/N was his best friend. His family. And he didn’t take kindly to people messing with his family.

“Go get the car ready, Sammy.” Dean said. Without a word he stalked off to the garage, baseball bat in hand.

“Sam and I will be out for a bit but we’ll be back ok? I promise. Go take a shower and put on those pjs you always steal from me. They’re in the top drawer. Get some rest and when you wake up tomorrow it’ll all be over.” He kissed her on the forehead and walked off in the same direction as his brother. She followed Dean’s orders and finally fell asleep in his bed around 3:30am. Meanwhile, Sam and Dean were busy roughing up Derek. They figured torture before death was fair. They had caught him completely by surprise. He was asleep in his bed without a care in the world only to be woken up by a baseball bat slamming down on his groin.

“Rise and Shine you worthless son of a bitch! We got work to do!” Dean shouted, pointing a gun in his face just in case he tried anything. They tied him up and took turns hitting him with the bat and breaking his bones. They avoided the head. He needed to be awake for this. The best part was the house was in the middle of nowhere so no one would ever hear his screams. After breaking nearly every bone in his body the boys decided they were done.

“I’ll go get the buckets Sam. Go ahead and do the honors.” Dean said leaving the room.

Sam took his knife and made long gashes on Derek’s arms from wrist to elbow. He was already in so much pain he barely felt the knife. Dean came back with two buckets of water, sticking Derek’s hands in each one. His death needed to be slow and painful but it only took a few minutes before he was gone. They left not bothering to dispose of the body. Derek was a hunter with a lot of friends and someone would come looking for him soon. He was a crappy hunter so no one would think twice about him meeting a violent end. Besides, Dean was anxious to get back to Y/N. They had already been gone too long.

They arrived back at the bunker and Sam left to his room without a word. Dean knew how much Sam loved Y/N. Not romantically but more like a little sister and Dean knew it hurt him just as much to see her broken like that. He would need time to cope.

Dean walked into his room and saw Y/N curled up in a ball wearing his sweats and T-shirt that were just a little too big for her. She looked so innocent and peaceful. Her curls sprawled out on the pillow like dancing streams. Dean knew then that he would have to admit sooner or later how he felt about her but for now they both just needed to rest. He changed and crawled into bed next to her. Still half-asleep she rolled over and reached for him laying her head on his chest. He held her all night and that was the best sleep they ever had. And she was right. In the morning, everything would be easier.

#little wing writes 67 #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #dean x reader #spn fanfic #SPN

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salt-moon · 7 years ago

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Prompt #24: Standing In Line

(This story is about my farm girl Ruthanne, who resides at @ruthanne-winter. For the ease of organization for @sea-wolf-coast-to-coast, however, I will be posting this here to my main blog and simply reblogging it to Ruth’s, where it belongs. I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG.)

Few things on Hydaelyn compared, for Ruthie, to the languid, warm scent of ocean waves colliding with hot sand. Shot through with the exotic smell of fresh coconut and rolanberry ices, that particular perfume was perfection to her. But a close runner up was the fragrance of Limsa Lominsa’s annual Starlight Market. Yeasty cinnamon rolls, spiced and sugar crusted nuts, crisp pine needles, and mulled wine and apple cider married together into the quintessential Starlight memory, one that every La Noscean could conjure up again in their minds even in the middle of summer.

It was a feast for all the senses, not just the nose. There were carols of course, cherubic voices harmonizing with silver handbells, and jovial laughter of all octaves. A constant din of chatter blanketed the white stone streets and enveloped the entire market, punctuated with the occasional amplified barker, reminding the crowd of some raffle or other. The eyes had plenty to distract them as well, not just the wares and food being sold, or even the carolers, but the lights. Oh, the lights were a thing to behold, strung and hung from every available surface in the city and reflecting off the water in a near illusion of mirrored infinity.

This year, White Willow Farm had a massive booth, trimmed from corner to corner with homemade pom-pom garlands in white, silver, and periwinkle. Simple, but elegant wooden snowflake and star ornaments hung on small rosemary bushes, decorating the farm-grown plants into special little Starlight trees. They’d brought products old and new, from honey to winter produce, Ruthie’s own hand-made wooden bowls, fragrant birch fire logs, Clara’s knitted woolen mittens and hats, herb bundles, freshly baked pies, and more. As the evening wore on, the stall only became busier and busier.

“Where in The Navigator’s name is Finneas??” Ruthie hissed as she turned away from the throng of eager customers to wrap up an intended gift. She was wearing a sleeveless, jewel-toned, velvet navy dress, complete with white fur along the bust and hem, as well as a matching hat and wrist cuffs. Clara glanced around in search of their missing brother, swatting her husband away in the process. He was more of a nuisance than not in this fast paced environment, having never tried vending with them before. “Go find him, would you please, Nathaniel? We’re swamped!”

“Yeh, of course, of course!” Truthfully, he was happy for the respite, and he slipped away from the chaos without giving Clara a chance to change her mind. She rolled her eyes as he jogged out of sight, and sighed. “He means well, but honestly.”

“He’s all right. We’re used to it, s’all.” As she tied the twine around the gift, she narrowed her eyes, muttering more to herself than her sister. “Tho who’s not all right is Finneas. He’d best be dead or dying.”

“Mm?” asked Clara rather absently, already stolen away from the conversation to help another customer in line.

“Nothing,” Ruth replied, and she too turned back to the counter with the gift in hand. “Here you go, Mrs. Beollan!” Her smile was as bright as the sun, round cheeks pinker than usual with the heat of moving around. She handed over the package with a wink. “You make sure you give Mr. Beollan our regards, okay?” A conspiratorial grin tugged at her lips as she leaned in and whispered above the din. “Hide this where he can’t find it this year!”

The older woman chuckled and shook her head, sighing with a certain defeated amusement as she took the package from Ruthanne. “Bless him, he’s just like a boy even at this age. Searches for his presents every year!” Reaching out with a thin, wrinkled hand, she took Ruthie’s and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Thank ya, dear. You’ve grown up to be such a lovely thing.”

The Winter Family had known the Beollans for as long as Ruth could remember, and they’d never been anything but wonderful. Through the years they insisted on buying their produce almost exclusively from White Willow Farm, and each and every year they exchanged holiday cards. Both husband and wife had been at Meredith’s funeral, and to this day Ruthie remembered the peppermint candy Mr. Beollan had given her on the steps of the church that morning.

She placed her other hand on top of Mrs. Beollan’s, fingers taut and pink in contrast to the older ones, and with a soft smile, she patted it gently. “Happy Starlight.”

“Happy Starlight, dear,” the older woman replied. With a wave to the others, she turned and made her way back through the throng of people. Ruth watched with bright eyes, following her with her gaze until the sounds of the next customer reached her ears. Just as she began to turn back to the line, though, she spied an all-too-familiar spiky swath of green hair.

Finneas.

She narrowed her eyes at him, standing under a street lamp tangled in an embrace with the girl he’d been seeing lately. “You sorry sack of…”

“I’m sorry?” The Elezen standing on the other side of the counter raised an eyebrow at Ruthanne, fairly certain she was about to say something not at all too flattering. “I’m only wondering if there are any squash pies left…” He turned his head to the side just a bit, trying to glance in the direction Ruth had been looking.

“Oh!” She shook her head furiously and pressed her hands to her face. “I’m so sorry, sir, I’m just…” Her cheeks turned pinker still, and she fanned herself. “It’s awfully hot back here, I was just…” She bit her lip and dismissed everything she was saying with a wave of her hand. “I’m sorry, yes. Yes!” With a jovial, charming smile she gestured to a line of beautiful pies behind her. “With or without cinnamon sugar on top?”

By the time Finneas skidded to a halt behind the counter of their booth, breathless and red-faced, the Elezen was gone with a lovely pie in hand. Discounted, of course, for Ruthie’s rudeness. She blinked at her brother with a wide-eyed expression of surprise. “Finneas! Where’ve you been?? We’ve been slammed for over an hour now!” Tad and Clara were both busy trying to thin out the line as fast as they could, and Ruth had her hands literally full with a basket of produce.

“Sorry, sorry, I know! This old man had lost his carriage wheel on the way over tho, busted it clean in two on a huge rock.” He shook his head as if it was a hugely annoying experience, and he pulled on a white velvet Starlight hat that was hiding behind the counter. “I figured I couldn’t just ride by and leave him like an ass!”

Unseen by Finneas as she added more produce to the basket, she narrowed her eyes. “Ah, no, wouldn’t want to be an ass, would you?” Busted carriage wheel indeed. Whereabouts, in his girlfriend’s dress? The irritation in her voice was clear though.

“I’m really sorry, Annie!” He chuckled at her sour mood, in too good of one himself to let her aggravation at his lateness ruin his night. “I’m here now!” He put his hands on his hips and turned to look at the crowd. “Line doesn’t look… toooo… bad?” Finn deflated a bit when the depth and breadth of the crowd began to register with him. “...Shit,” he muttered.

Ruthanne could only smile. “Get to it!”

By the time the market had wound down and all the holiday cheer had been dispersed, The Line had finally disappeared. There was still quite of bit of work ahead, breaking down their booth and packing everything back into their cart to head back to the farm. But Ruthanne made sure that she took time to have a chat with her brother. Clapping him on the shoulder from behind, she gave a great heave of a sigh, and a tired smile.

“Pretty good night tonight then, mm?”

Finn folded his arms over his chest and looked around at the few unsold items here and there. “Like… really good.” He grinned over his shoulder to Ruthie, teeth tugging on his lips in an undeniable crooked tilt. Ruthie’s brother was a pretty good liar, but he hadn’t yet learned how to cover up his “I totally got laid” face.

She chuckled softly and patted his shoulder a few times, her other hand on her hip. “Finn, Finn, Finn. Finneas.” The little silver bell on the tip of her hat jingled as she shook her head. “Look, it was really gallant of you to stop and help that old man with his carriage, but I gotta tell ya…” Her fingers reached up to her brother’s collar and tugged it to the side to reveal a wide sweep of faded, berry-colored lipstick. “I’m starting to wonder how he repaid you.”

A panicked realization spread over Finn’s face like a gradual freeze, his grin disappearing, his lips parting, his eyes widening. In the end, it was that expression that stuck, paralyzing him in the terror of his discovered lie. “Ah… I…”

Ruthanne wrapped her fingers around his collar and tugged him close, murmuring near his cheek with a threatening bent to her voice. “See that vendor across the way, there? The one right next to the street lamp you and your girl were snogging under?” He stiffened, caught. “Mm, the sausage and pepper vendor. Really good, Finn, I wish you could have had some. I ate it all though, and the buttered cabbage that daddy had sent over to us.”

A wash of confusion melted over Finn’s brow, and he tried to look at his sister.

“You are the worst liar, and payback is a bitch.. Tonight, when you least expect it, Finn… you’re goin’ in the dutch oven.”

#FFxivWrite2017 #ruthanne winter #hyur #midlander #ffxiv #fiction #ficlet #drabble #story #i have no idea why i wrote this much

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ijustwant2write · 8 years ago

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Falling Into The Wrong Crowd-Part Five (Jax Teller x Reader)

(GIF credit to owner)

Masterlist

Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Part 10/ Part 11/ Part 12

Summary: The Devoted Predators have been captured and the girls are ready for kill them. For some absurd reason the Sons don’t want to get rid of them yet as they fear that there is much more to come.

Meanings: (Y/N)= Your name

Warnings: Swearing, violence, alcohol, drugs, death, torture, guns, gore (this is Sons Of Anarchy, what do you expect?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Lass, don’ do it yet.” Chibs’ stern voice stopped us.

Bea whipped her head round in surprise.“What do you mean!? These bastards need to die!”

“They should go through some sort'a torture, don’ ya think?”

I couldn’t take much more of this. Although I thoroughly agreed that those sick men needed to be put through something horrible before they finally left this life; I wouldn’t be able to stay or watch any of it. I was satisfied that they were going to be killed, that was enough, I didn’t need to drive a knife slowly through their heart to gain revenge (though that sounded like a good idea). My legs felt weaker now, the pain from my wounds now surging. The adrenaline must have been wearing off. Jax was this and put his arm around my waist, he other holding a hand.

“You need to sit down.” he whispered.

I nodded, not looking at him but at Zac.“Just one more thing.” Limping towards him I looked down at his cowering figure. Not such a man now, was he? Looking him straight in the eyes, I subtly pulled back my leg before crashing it into his crotch. He screamed out in pain as he doubled over.

“I needed to do that.” I explained now letting Jax guide me away.

I felt myself get weaker as we walked through the corridors. He took me into one of the dorm rooms, presumably his, sitting me down on the edge of the bed. As he disappeared into his bathroom I scanned the room; it screamed Jax. He leant against the frame of the door, gesturing with his head to go into the bathroom. Staggering over to him, he supported me again, holding a wet flannel up to my face. I let him wash away the dirt and blood, feeling flushed under his gaze. He moved onto my hands and I hissed as the flannel ran over my open wounds. Jax hesitated but continued when I said nothing. His huge, rough hands we’re a big contrast to my tiny, soft ones. I dared to look up at him and our eyes met for a brief second before he pulled away from me.

“You can sleep here tonight.” Jax offered as we exited his bathroom.

“Thanks.” I breathed out, sitting on it again.

Every inch of my body was throbbing. It was like a constant headache all over. I heard Jax fumble around the room, drawers being opened and shut. He caught my attention when waving one of his t-shirts in front of me.

“It’s alright, I don’t need that.” I sadly smiled.

“Yes you do, your shirt is ruined.”

I took it from him, knowing that it would be oversized.

He turned his back to me.“I promise I won’t look.”

Although it hurt, I took off my own shirt and slipped his on. Unsurprisingly it was like a dress on me, going just over my knees and swamping my body. It was plain black with the word SAMCRO displayed at the top in white. I told Jax it was ok to turn around and he smirked when he saw me.

“Looks good on you. You look like a real member.” he was trying to lighten the mood.

We heard a cry of pain echo down the hall, startling the both of us. On instinct I wrapped my arms around myself, also crossing my legs, I tried to comfort myself. Why couldn’t they just be dead already?

“Hey,” Jax caught my attention,“it’ll be over soon.” I only blinked not really sure how to reply. He advised that I go to sleep telling me I needed rest of I were to get better mentally and physically. I did as he said getting comfortable in his bed. Jax left his room after asking me a thousand times if I would be alright, he finally believed me. Bunching up the covers I pulled them over my trembling body up to my chin, it acted like a shield protecting me from the outside world. Surprisingly I fell asleep quite quickly, luckily not dreaming about anything. I was dazed as I woke, not quite sure what was going on or why my body was hurting so much. When the unfortunate memories came back I slowly say up in bed only to scream at the unfamiliar person in the room.

“It’s alright darling,” the older woman shushed me,“I’m Clay’s wife, Jax's mom. My name’s Gemma.”

My breathing slowed as I took in what she said. She looked like a typical Old Lady; decked head to toe in black, her Crow tattoo peaking out of her shirt on her cleavage. She was definitely the queen here. If course she was going to look intimidating but her devoting, motherly side was showing through at the moment.

“I-I’m (Y/N).” I shakily breathed out.

“I know sweetheart.” she got out of her seat and say next to me on the bed.“How are you feeling?”

“Um…I’m not too sure to be honest.”

“Yeah, that was a big of a stupid question.”

“No it wasn’t. Thanks for asking.”

I could feel her eyeing me up and down. It didn’t help that I was covered in bruises and cuts. She was trying to figure me out, see if I was worth hanging around with her guys. Gemma sighed, running a hand through her blonde highlighted hair. As an Old Lady she was probably used to this shit happening though obviously she had to deal with it. That was what happened when you married at biker, you weren’t just binding yourself to the man you love but also the club that came with him.

“Look, don’t get all pissy over this question but why are you with those girls? You seem like a sweet girl, not someone that would be a part of all of this?”

“They’ve always been there for me, I could never abandon them. I can’t really leave this lifestyle now either.”

“No, you couldn’t could you.” she sighed.

“D-do you know what happened out there?” I timidly asked.

“Sorry, I don’t get told a lot. All I know is that there are no Devoted Predators left in my clubhouse and the boys are carrying on with work as usual. The girls are still here too.”

“Right. Good.”

“I’ll go grab them and get you some lunch.”

“Lunch?”

“Yeah, it’s two in the afternoon. Don’t worry about it, you needed the rest.”

She began to edit the room before I shouted a ‘thanks’. Gemma acknowledged this, smiling a little. As she left I hauled myself out of the bed having to use the support of the surrounding furniture to keep me from falling. It was a struggle to get to the bathroom though I made it eventually. The pain in my body increased as I leaned against the sink, my breathing heavy. Unfortunately I had to face my reflection and it was a horrific sight; my lips were split and a deep red colour, one cheek was more swollen than the other and I had a black eye. It didn’t help that my eyes were puffy and bloodshot from crying or that my nose was rosy. Splashing some water on my face I attempted to wash away last night’s smeared makeup. Moving onto the mess that was my hair I jumped as someone burst into the room.

“(Y/N)? Oh there you are!” Frankie threw her arms around me, I had to ignore the pain.

“Hey, are you ok?”

“Yeah. It’s over now, we’re safe.”

I let out a sigh, clinging onto her.“Finally.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It had been three days since the Devoted Predators ambushed us. We had busied ourselves with work as the club was soon to open. It helped that I just had to keep the Cara Cara girls rehearsing their routines for the opening show, luckily they had to prepare their own performance meaning that I wasn’t rushing around trying to put together some sort of choreography.

Although I was trying to distract myself from what had happened, I couldn’t ignore the many looks I was receiving from my colleagues. They were all full of pity or sympathy and it was getting on my nerves. I understood that they were trying to be careful with what they said or did around me but it was not helping me at all. That meant I was becoming agitated, especially on the opening night of the club.

“(Y/N), could you please at least pretend to be happy?” Alex joked with me.

We had dressed up a little to look more sophisticated (not a word I really associated a strip club) preparing the music and drinks. I had covered my bruises and cuts with my makeup, curling my hair and wearing a black, slimming dress with some marching heels. The girls weren’t fond of dresses and opted for formal jeans with a nice top. I sent her a sarcastic smile and she just chuckled.

“Leave her alone. You look great by the way.” Bea complimented as she poured out four glasses of champagne.

“Thanks. You think the guys are going to come?” I took a glass.

“Course they will, it’s their club as much as ours.”

“We owe them big time.” Frankie said.

“Yeah…”

“Ok has everyone got a glass?” Bea asked as we stood together.“Here’s a toast to a good future from now on.”

Alex had to chime in.“And here’s hoping we get so much cash we make it rain.”

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shadow-is-upon-us · 8 years ago

Text

The Coffee Incident

Day 7: Walking out Free day: Fun, humor, crack fic. Based on this

They’ve all pretty much of had from the chief. He was getting more and more annoying by the day, and they could have sworn he was setting them up with the most ridiculous things, ranging from Kanda having needed to participate in a play, to Allen looking for a frog in a swamp. Suffice to say, they’ve had it.

At the moment, four of the most active exorcists were in the dining hall, just trying to get past the day. Lenalee, despite her brother’s wishes, still went off to missions, and came back tired, with her feet killing her. That’s why she walked around in soft, fluffy slippers for now. Lavi’s head just slipped into his eggs, but he didn’t really care. Between all the missions and the records Bookman wanted him to memorize, he didn’t even know which day it was. Kanda tried very, very hard not to show it, and since many didn’t dare bother him, not many noticed. But if you look close enough for more than three seconds, you can see his eyes closed with his head lowered, occasionally even letting out a soft intake of breath. Allen thought that, eating would help him get his energy back. But as it stands, it only served to fill up for his basic needs, including his senses. So, when he ate up, he’d suddenly drop dead into whatever he was eating, snoring loudly.

The Finders pitied them, but dared not say it. They just cringed every time they heard a smack as either Lavi or Allen fell face first into their meal. They wanted to help, as Lenalee seemed far too shaky when she walked and needed a wall to steady herself. They didn’t really care about Kanda, expect to keep out of his way more than usual, since now he almost always had Mugen out when he walked.

The other Exorcists were confused and worried, but weren’t sure what to do. Miranda had offered her Time Recovery, but they all pointed out that it was only temporary and wouldn’t do much. Marie offered to take part of their missions off, but Yuu grumbled that Tiedoll would probably be annoying him here too much. Krory tried to tag along one time, and came back on Lavi’s back, asleep and hungry as hell.

In the end, the four found there was only one way they were all going to get some proper rest and recuperation – take care of the mastermind behind all of this.

“What are we supposed to do?” Allen mumbled, head resting on the table. The four had picked out the one in the furthest corner to figure out their plan.

“I’ll slice his damn arms off,” Kanda already had a grip on his Innocence as his eyes twitched when he spoke.

“Oi Yuu, that’s a bad idea, even for you…” Lavi had his head against the wall, not even sounding like his usual teasing self.

“Why you-!” the samurai was about to slice the Jr. to shredders, but found he didn’t even have the energy to move.

“That’s you,” the redhead muttered back, letting out a yawn.

“Enough,” Lenalee glared at both of them. She’s starting to get a headache and this pointless fighting isn’t helping her. “I know we’re all tired, but please, try not to kill each other just yet,” she added with a sigh, rubbing her temples.

“So, what do we do?” Walker mumbled again, managing to prop his chin on his palm.

“He should know what it’s like, to, ya know, work so much and be tired,” Lavi grumbled, his head dipping a few times as he spoke.

“But he doesn’t work at all. Or hardly,” Yuu pointed out, part of his annoyance gone now.

“So we make him,” Walker yawned and leaned back in the chair. “The Science Department would probably help us with that.”

“And I think I know how to make sure he knows how we feel,” Lee’s eyes seemed to spark in mischief that none of them had seen before.

“…Scary…” they thought, imagining her laughing like a maniac.

The plan they came up with was… less than perfect – at least to the boys. The girl actually knew how much this would cause problems for everyone. The Science Department had, as they expected, been more than willing to help. Seems Komui wasn’t only pushing the Exorcists to their limit. After making sure some preparations were complete, Reever stepped up and offered to do the first stage – get the Chief to actually work.

“But Reeeeveerrr! This is so much work!” Komui whined, looking at the stack of papers set on his desk. He actually had to stand up to see over them at the blonde.

“I don’t care,” the man grumbled back. “You’ve been a slave driver for the past two weeks – it’s time you do something to.”

“No fair! No fair!”

“If you don’t, I’ll tell Lenalee.”

“No! No, don’t! She’ll start telling me it’s too wrong and that I need to let up!”

“Then get to work.”

As Reever left the office, he passed the four Exorcists and gave them thumbs up. They all gave a smile; some more wicked than the others, as they prepared for stage two.

Everyone knew Komui needed coffee to function for any sort of work. So, when the lack of the beverage came, he called for more.

“Sorry, but Lenalee is still recovering from her last missions,” since it was his sister, the brother let it slide, but still, he wanted coffee.

“Jeryy said they ran out last night,” Johnny told him, bringing in another stack of papers. “He isn’t sure when the next batch will come.

“WHAT?!”

“Sorry chief, but it looks like you’ll have to work without it,” the boy gave an innocent shrug and left the office with the crying man.

“Not fair!!”

Jeryy was actually a great help as well. He lied, saying there wasn’t much left, but before that, he made a special new desert for everyone coming to the cafeteria that day. It included coffee, so everyone was a bit more hyper than usual. And a bit of what was left was brought to the Science department – poor bastards were still being overworked.

“How long do you think he’ll last?” Allen asked, eating the rice.

“Probably an hour – two tops,” Levi couldn’t help but grin as he finished up his eggs.

“Che, he’ll drop dead before then,” Kanda grumbled, setting his chopsticks down.

“Come on you guys,” Lenalee smiled, sipping the tea. “He’ll start crying as soon as he hears.”

The four had actually managed to get some rest – mainly due to the fact Komui was apparently too busy to send them off.

“So, who should go check first?” at that, all four of them looked at each other and in a second, three of them called “Not it!”

“Looks like it’s you, Yuu!”

“What?” Kanda narrowed his eyes.

“You need to go check first – it’s how the game works, Bakanda.”

“Damn you, Beansprout!”

“Now, now, kids, play nice.”

“Shut it you stupid rabbit.”

“Just go on already, Kanda. I’ll go next, then Lavi, then Allen.”

“Che, fine, whatever.”

“Oi, Sister Complex!” Kanda kicked the door open, annoyed more than anything, as papers went flying from the force of his kick. He saw the whole office was littered with them, more than usual, and there were stacks upon stacks on the table. But the man who was supposed to work here was missing.

The samurai narrowed his eyes and took a few steps forward, wondering where the idiot could have gone. He had this strange feeling that someone was watching him, like a predator who had just found some fresh prey.

“Stop messing around,” he grumbled and unsheathed Mugen, slicing it through the air and tearing up some of the nearby papers. “Where are you?”

“Kanda~” the call was sweet, almost… loving? The Exorcist spun around in surprise, only to have something jump on him, knocking him to the ground. Yuu could only let out a yell as he crashed down, the figure right atop of him, holding him fast and hard.

“D-Damn you!” the samurai kicked and swung his blade, but the attacker only jumped away, as the lights flickered and turned off.

“Che,” Kanda let out, gripping his blade and ready for another attack. This was not going to end well…

“Where do you think Yuu is?” Lavi mused, hands behind his head, as he, Allen and Lenalee finished up their meal. It’s been almost half an hour since Kanda left.

“Probably stormed off after checking on him,” Walker shrugged, letting out a yawn.

“We should probably go check on him, just in case,” Lee offered, not sure why, but she had a really bad feeling about this…

When they arrived at the office, they were met with darkness, yells, grunts of pain and many, many curses. They even swore they heard someone laughing. Lavi quickly found the switch and turned it on, revealing the whole place to be a complete mess of ruined books, tattered papers and even drops of blood?

“Kanda?!” the samurai was leaning on his Innocence, panting and wounded, even if the scratches were starting to heal.

“Che, watch out!” Yuu managed to call, before a sweet humming sound was heard. “Damn, he’s back!” in a moment, the lights turned off again, someone screamed very loudly, Allen activated his Innocence and grabbed Kanda, Lenalee kicked open the door with her Dark Boots and Lavi swung his Iron Hammer in an attempt to hit whatever was there.

It was only later revealed that, that was, in fact, Komui. The Science Department had already suffered from him, hence why no one was able to warn Kanda about it. As it turns out, keeping Komui away from coffee when he has to work is… not a good idea. The biggest problem however, was getting him to calm down. Reever had tried to offer a tray of coffee in peace, but ended up running and screaming out of the office room while books went flying after him. That left only one option – as the four of them started this mess, they had to finish it. Kanda refused to go back, no matter what anyone said, so it was up to Lenalee to try and get her brother to see sense. Surely he’d listen to his sister?

“You can do it, Lenalee!”

“Yeah, we believe in you!”

“Just get him out of there.”

The three boys had walked with her up to the office, but didn’t want to go in, so they offered to cheer her on from outside.

“Relax you guys, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she assured them and took a deep breath before entering the office.

Immediately, she turned on the lights and activated her Innocence. She could see something moving around the corners, between the bookcases and under the papers, but stood her ground by the lights.

“Come on now brother, it’s time to stop,” she spoke carefully, always keeping an eye on the moving shadows. “I made you that special coffee you love,” she added, twitching a bit when the shadow stopped and seemed to consider her.

“That’s right, your favorite,” she added, seeing it move again, this time more slowly towards her. She waited a few more seconds, before jumping in the air and back down, right atop the moving bundle. She hit hard, and stopped it from moving, yet it felt… off. Suddenly, it sizzled and sparks were sent flying, and she saw that it wasn’t even human – it was one of Komui’s Komlin robots. A second later, the lights were turned off and she heard someone call her name. Not a moment after, she felt someone grab her boots and pull her to the ground. Lena kicked it, but felt metal – another Komlin?

“I don’t wanna hurt you~” came a soft call and she felt chills up her spine. “The others are evil! EVIL! That’s why it’s best you stay here~” she suddenly saw the office door open, three Innocences activating and the Komlins were destroyed. That however, caused them to topple onto her. Luckily, the three managed to dig her out quickly and rush out of the office, with cries of betrayal and promises of revenge coming after them.

Lenalee was taken to the infirmary, where she was given an onceover and found she had a mild concussion. Nothing to worry, they were assured, but she wouldn’t be moving around much anytime soon.

Lavi was the next victim to try and fix the problem they made. He went in with his Innocence already activated, while Allen and Kanda kept by the door. He walked into the middle of the room, still being able to see due to his sharp eye, but extended his Hammer to hit the switch from there. And just in time, as someone was about to jump at him from behind. It let out a hiss and jumped away before the Bookman Jr. could even try and attack it. Unlike Lenalee and Kanda, Lavi had a long-range weapon if he wanted, and that just might help.

“C’mon chief, stop messin’ around and let us help,” he said cautiously, watching around the room and always glancing back at the lights.

“You took Lena!” the voice no longer sounded sweet, but took on a sinister and hateful tone. The redhead swallowed and spun around, trying to track down the source of the sound. But as soon as his back was to the lights, they turned off, and Lavi swung his Innocence around. It didn’t hit anything, but after a few swings, when he had slowed down, he felt something behind him. He wasn’t fast enough to try and stop it, as something hooked to the back of his shirt and sent him upwards.

“A-agh!” he let out, as breathing became hard. “It hurts! I’m choking!” he called out, hanging upside down as he swore something stood under him, laughing. “A-Allen! Y-Yuu!” he called and the doors were slammed open again, the two already swinging around their weapons. Kanda covered for them while Walker freed the redhead and they all ran out of the office yet again, only hearing laughter and ‘Don’t come back!’

Lavi was still able to go around after his… run in with Komui, yet refused to even look into the office. So he, along with Kanda, stayed outside as Allen braved the darkness. He was their last hope right now.

“Chief?” he called, Innocence at the ready. He was actually shaking a bit, but swallowed it and moved further. This time, there was not so much as an answer, as a roar. The bookshelf near him suddenly shook and tumbled, almost crushing him, but Walker managed to avoid it. However, he stepped too quickly on the littered papers and lost his footing, falling to his back. He heard laugher and something moving from the corner of his eye, so he used his hand to try and block it. Something smacked into it, let out a hiss and retreated, before finally turning off the lights.

Allen picked himself up quickly, almost losing his balance again, and braced himself for the attack which was sure to follow. And it came alright – at first just books, but then he felt something solid connected with his back, sending him spiraling forward. Before he could react, he felt something scrape against his neck, cutting off his air, before he felt a kick and he found himself rolling like a ball into the nearest wall.

Walker struggled to his feet and swung around his Innocence, only to hit nothing, while laughter flew in from every direction. Something squeaked to his right, and suddenly, another bookcase had dropped onto him. He let out a scream and saw the doors be blown open, light shining in, as his two friends dragged him out from under the case and out.

Allen ended up being in the infirmary, along with Lenalee and even Kanda and Lavi weren’t let out until a few days later. Until then, no missions were given and the office was barred off to prevent Komui from leaving. However, when the days passed, the Science Department figured the man had calmed down enough to me checked on again.

And true as it was, Komui was found snoring on a pile of papers, muttering abound monsters and coffee. Kanda and Lavi very nearly went and killed the man, had the Head Nurse not practically tied them to their beds. Allen and Lena however, were very much relived that the man was back to normal, even if he didn’t remember anything he did. That led to a very dramatic lie about how all four of them ended up hurt, but he bought it, so it was enough for them. The rest of the Order never spoke of the “Komui Coffee” incident ever again, and as new members came, it became a legend of sorts.

#dgraymanweek #day7 #d gray man #crack fic #humor #allen walker #kanda yuu #lavi #lenalee #komui lee #just for fun

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redscullyrevival · 8 years ago

Text

Ship of Destiny: Liveship Traders Rundown

@sonnetscrewdriver this has been a wild ride! TW: Spoilers abound and discussion of rape follows.

Setting/Plot/Narrative

For being my least favorite installment I do feel that this created world and it’s social/magical systems arrives at it’s most cohesive fruition in this last book, which makes sense, and I am thankful for that.

I also found the idea that a large bulk of what was expressed and used to motivate and further the story is tossed away, or altered, by the end of the book - in the sense that Tintaglia and the reintroduction of dragons into the world along with the recognition of the Pirate Isles reorders power, society, and economy - to be a unique and interesting choice.

Its a bit of a tricky move but it didn’t feel like “a waste” to me to have learned so thoroughly the world only for it to be rearranged at the end. It all worked towards the total theme of the series of inevitable change and response, in accepting life and taking responsibility for only what we can control.

Or, at least, that’s the big takeaway I got!

Althea Vestrit

Fuck

Okay

We’ll... we’ll have to come back to Althea in a second.

Captain Kennit

HHHHMMMMMMMSLDKFNL:KSLDK

This fucker.

Like a lot of characters with well done tragic backstories I was rooting for Kennit. I didn’t hate him but I didn’t really like him either, you know? As I said last time he exudes the “cool motive, still murder” type of deal - Kennit is a character who the majority of the series straddles the line of never being someone who gains reader sympathy while still being recognized by the reader as a deeply damaged person not entirely of his own making.

So I rooted for him.

Through out the entire series Kennit gets away with a lot of stuff and I understand from a narrative perspective that him raping Althea was a choice to have him cross a line. As the reader we know he raped Althea whereas everyone around, aside from Althea and Etta, isn’t sure he is capable of it.

Which turned into some intense fucking writing.

Because it isn’t ‘Kennit raped Althea so now he is the bad man everyone hates and a common enemy’, no. He remains captain. He remains a hero, the pirate king, the freer of slaves. A “good man”. We know Kennit isn’t a good man, but then again we’ve known that all along. We really have. All the signs were there. What was done to Kennit was all that was left of Kennit. Paragon tried to take that pain and suffering from him, but Kennit gave the hurt he received and that’s one reality of trauma and failure to cope. Because Kennit was never coping.

Ultimately I pitied Kennit while also accepting his actions as being abhorrent - getting angry and baring frothing teeth wasn’t my reaction. That isn’t how I react to this type of thing in narratives a lot of the time, especially with one that is trying it’s darnedest to be honest and respectable when it comes to this particular reflection of real life.

In the chapter the rape happened, the second my eyes read it, I came to hate Kennit. And that was the right response. That’s why it was written the way it was, I believe, so as to finally push the reader into having a real solid opinion about Kennit beyond his fake persona and his personal grab for power and fame elevating others; to remove benefit of the doubt completely and say “This is not a good person” no matter what his puzzled together sob story is and no matter what he has done in the name of social and political progress. Kennit is a shitbag human.

This series stresses, to an almost anxiety inducing degree, that people and life and situations are complex ever shifting, evolving, and decaying breathing entities. The only character who was truly stagnant and unmovable was Kennit, who hid under the guise of modernization and revolution. He had to be made irredeemable and dead.

This is a tight narrative that doesn’t abide such a person, doesn’t let such a person survive - that’s why so much emphasis was placed on the idea of Kennit’s luck. Something had to keep him around until he finally made a change, a choice, that would actually alter him.

To that end, I “like” the character as a device but not as an idea of a person or as a character-character.

What’s just as cutting is that Winthrow, Vivacia, Jek, (and probably society/history) doubt Althea. It’s gut wrenchingly frustrating. And it taints those characters just as much as it paints Kennit; and entirely because we know the total truth how they don’t.

Althea Vestrit

Phew, okay, lets try this again.

This was some hard shit.

Althea’s rape wasn’t the “worst” rape scene I’ve ever read and it probably won’t be the last, but what made the scene so difficult wasn’t any fucked up occupation with focusing on the physical but by focusing on the emotional and psychological confusion, terror, and exhaustion of the moment which worked to heighten the violation. I was thankful it wasn’t a long scene or I’d have to have skimmed it, and making it short was a smart choice because it gives strength to the idea that any form of unwanted physicality, no matter how briefly depicted (or in actuality), has massive repercussions. Basically it was a small mercy that we didn’t have to linger and wallow in the misery of the act to get across the wrongness of it and that’s all do to the writing.

I feel a bit bad for focusing on Althea’s rape so heavily when talking about her and when talking about Kennit because it’s kind of like “Wow, well, there is more to her than this” - but I also think that’s a thought better reserved for a real person more than a character.

I said my reaction to this kind of thing in stories a lot of the time isn’t real true anger, and I stand by that, but come on! Obviously I get a little angry at the same time! I invest in characters and I get mad at what is done to them in-story just as much as I get mad they had something done to them because that was a choice made for the story, ya know?

Like, sometimes the emotion is “UGH this character wouldn’t do that, why is this happening?” anger and other times it’s “UGH what is this character doing stop being a dummy (because I understand them as being capable of doing this dumb thing)” anger. And sometimes it’s both lol. I’m a mysterious woman!

Anyways, my point is that poor Althea gets a bit overshadowed by her rape but that isn’t to say I think her aftermath was handled poorly - on the contrary I was pleased with her outrage and paranoia and cunning and muddled swamp of complex reactions and fears and triumphs.

What I can’t decide is whether my still not totally endearing myself to Althea even after all she came through is the biggest fault of the series or it’s most crowned achievement if I’m completely honest.

Kyle Haven

Bye bitch.

Winthrow Vestrit

This fucking kid.

I’m almost devastated that Winthrow was so enamored with Kennit but like I get it? uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughghghghgh

I love Winthrow and Etta, they have a kind of relationship I enjoy, and I guess I’m happy they’re on the mend post-Kennit?

From Winthrow’s faulted, stunted, half-truth perspective of Kennit doubt over the man’s ability to rape makes some sense - but as the reader I felt I couldn’t allow Winthrow the grace of understanding his hesitation to believe his aunt.

So, Winthrow was tainted by Kennit and now writing this I’m a little shocked to find I’m a little bitter about it! LOL

My sweet precious priest boy where did you go?!

sigh

Its one of those things were I respect the choice and it makes total sense and thus speaks true of the character for Winthrow to doubt Althea and only realize it possible after talking to Etta - but as a reader and fan I wish Winthrow disowned Kennit immediately so I could continue to like him as I had all along.

sigh

I thought it hilarious Winthrow was scandalized by his sister and Reyn’s relationship though, lol, like step back and get some perspective you prude.

Keffria Vestrit

STILL THE FAVORITE!

I’m biased at this point though.

Locking down the home front by doing all she could, especially by letting go of things she didn’t want to - that’s some badass guts and fucking growth right there.

FUCK YEAH

Her struggle with how to rearrange her bedroom in tandem with her understanding of Kyle and her place in the world was brilliance.

Ronica Vestrit

My favorite spy.

I really wanted her to take Serilla under her wing and phew thankfully that kind of happened at the end - I was so worried about my girl Serilla, I’m glad her fate is tied with Ronica’s.

Malta

Oh boy oh boy what a treat!

Malta is my hero lol

She is a lot more like her mother than she thinks - her ability to navigate social standings, to become smaller or larger as needed, and to read others and bargain comes from mama not Kyle. I hope, I really hope, she knows that.

My little survivor.

Seriously though, Malta evolved so much faster than anyone else and proved to be much more adapt at it then anyone else. The political/social manipulation she grows to be an expert in was some of my favorite world building/scenes in the entire series.

I love her so much.

Reyn Khuprus

I love him too.

I’m so glad the Rain Wilder’s drop their veils and open up, I can’t wait to read more and see how that goes for them!

Reyn’s desperate search for Malta was some fun pining but the best bits was how the trip worked to better illustrate the workings of dragons and give some insight into the Elderlings and what’s in store for the future before we ever get to the bardering table.

Just a sweet, sweet dragon boy.

Vivacia

Good for her, I guess.

Pretty apathetic to be honest lol

I don’t know why Vivacia slipped away from me, especially since she is now in a good place, her own real entity! What’s wrong with me as a reader?!

Paragon

I’m so relieved but so upset omg

Etta

Oh baby girl I’m so so so sorry.

Etta is a really fascinating character and I really hope to see, or at least hear of her, again. She isn’t done, she has the least resolve and most open ended goodbye out of everyone and I want more of her and for her than that.

I really grew to appreciate Etta and if I was going to make a friend out of this cast of characters she and Keffria are my first picks; and I’d love if ever they got a chance to meet. They’d help each other so much.

I wonder if their parallels are intentional as the two most influential women in Winthrow’s life? Hmm. Probably not. Both are much more interesting as they are on their own without pitting them against Winthrow; especially Etta.

Satrap Cosgo

This fuck nugget gets no props for growing.

Kiki redeemed herself by like a thousand and I felt for her in the end but Cosgo can suck an egg.

Although there is a part of me that enjoyed his detached and surly attitude towards everything.

#liveship traders #multiplayer notepad #fandom talks #realm of the elderlings #year of book

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disgustingng · 7 years ago

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Oh, no! Oome on! Oome on, baby. Grab it! All right. What? Vincent. No, no, bad idea. Bad idea! Just take what you need. Just take what you need. What's? RJ? No? The moon's not full. You woke me up a week early? Oh, no. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to actually try and steal my stuff. RJ, I'm gonna have to kill you. Please, I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family. - You don't have a family. - I meant a family of one. OK, wait, wait, wait, wait! Look, it's still in the cave. So, technically, not stolen. Oh, no! No! Slow! Stop! That was close. Vincent, wait! I can get it all back! That's right! If you eat me, you'd have to do it. But I can get it. All of it! - My red wagon? - Redder! - The blue cooler? - Blue cooler. On my list! - Gotta be blue? - Yes! And I want my Spuddies. I love those things. 'Oause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough. So true. Painfully true. And I'll tell you what. I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size. - They have that? - I'm pretty sure. All right, RJ. I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm waking up. And all my stuff had better be right back where it was. But that's just one week! That's impossible for one guy! A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers. Full moon, all my stuff. And don't even think about running away. Because if you do, I will hunt you down and kill you. OK! OK, buddy! You just rest easy, all right, 'cause I'm on it. Hey, in a week from now, we're gonna be laughing about this thing. Oh, boy, that's cold! That's cold! The one place I didn't have a shell. Wow. Spring. That means there's only Everybody, wake up! Hibernation's over. Oh, morning! - Morning, Hammy. - I gotta go wee-wee! Not in the lake we drink from! Let's go, all right, the rest of you. It's spring! That means we gotta get to work. Finished. No, wait! Oome on, everybody. Wake up. Don't make me come in there. Ya'll better listen. I've been holding something in all winter, and I'm about to let it out. - I'm up, I'm up! - She means it. Let's go! Thank you, Stella. Oh, I can clear a room, Verne. Oome on, that much I can do. - Good morning. - Good morning, everyone! - How'd you guys sleep? - Just a super-duper morning. Oh, jeepers. Whoa, not lookin' so good around the eyes there, hon. Bucky and Quillo were up every three or four weeks. And Spike kept poking me. Yeah. Well, he's kinda pokey. He's the sharpest of the bunch there. You know what? How 'bout I take the day shift? Oh, Lou, that'd be just super. All right, kids, you heard your mother, and now you listen to me. Shape up. Oh, boy. This is what I was afraid of. Where's the food? Is there any left? I'm hungry, so is there any left? We ate all the food, Hammy. During the winter? We gotta go get some more now. Oh, right! I buried some nuts in the woods. I know where they are. I'll be right back. Bye! - That's enough. - Dad, it was just snow. But it could have been a predator. Isn't playing dead a little... weak? Heather, how many times must I say it? Playing possum is what we do. We die so that we live! I'm the boss of you, OK? So calm down. That's what we need to find you this year, don't you know? A good fella. - A good fella? A good fella? - Jeepers, here we go. Why does everyone think I need a man? I look like a nest and smell like a swamp. So when you find a fella who's decent, good with kids and has no sense of smell, call me. - Hello? - I don't care who started it. - Hello? - I don't care who started it. Oh, look, food. Well, I think you know what this means. - Verne. - Just a minute, Hammy. This means we were nine berries away from starvation. Sorry. That was a little intense. I meant really serious hunger pains. Verne! - Not finished, Hammy. - Morning, Lou, Penny. - Thanks. - Hey, kids. - What I want to tell you is... - Verne! I'm not done, Hammy. If you have to go again, just go. OK. So all I'm saying is we cut it a little close. So this year we need to make sure that we fill the log... - All the way to the top. - Exactly. All the way to the top. - Because what are we? - Foragers! - And what do we forage? - Food! - Right. - Super, Verne, really super. OK, Hammy. - What is it? - What is what? What is it you want to tell me? What was it, what was it, what was it, what was it? Wait. Right on the tip of my tongue. Oh, yeah! There's a weird thing I've never seen before. It's really scary. Follow me. OK. Meeting called on account of weird scary thing. Let's go. Foragers... Hammy, what weird thing? Oh. That weird thing. It never ends! Hey! It never ends that way too! - Jeepers, Lou. - Whoa. Yeah, jeepers is the word there, hon. - I've never seen anything like this. - Man, that's big. - What is this thing? - Heather, no! - I'm scared. - Me too, Mama. It's OK, it's just a... What is this thing, Lou? I... Well, it's a... It's... Verne? Well, it's... it's obviously... ...some kind of bush? I'd be less afraid of it if I just knew what it was called. - Let's call it Steve! - Steve? - It's a pretty name. - Steve sounds nice. - I'm a lot less scared of Steve. - Oh, great and powerful Steve! - What do you want? - I don't think it can speak. I heard that, young man! - You get over here right now! - OK. Hammy, get back here. - Steve is angry! - It came from the other side of Steve. I mean the bush. I mean... Jeez! There's only one way we're gonna find out what this thing is, and what this is all about. I'm gonna go check it out. Steve ate Verne! All right, Steve, you brought this on yourself. Stella, don't! I'm not eaten, I just tripped. I'm gonna go over there. Just don't anybody move. Kids, come on, hurry up! You'll be late! What is this place? Oh, hey there, little... ...fella. Hi. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Operator. Oan I help you? No, I can talk. I'm just driving. Verne's back. - Verne! - Jeepers! - You OK? - Help him up. - What was over there? - Freaky pink primates! They must have come while we were hibernating. It was awful. They had wheels on their feet and these sticks, and they were whacking me with these sticks like it was some sort of sick game. You should have died! You should have laid down and died. - Dad. - That's not the worst part. Half the forest is gone. The oak trees and the berry bushes, they're just... they're just gone. Jeepers. What'll we do for food? How are we gonna live? I don't know. But here's what I do know. We will be fine as long as no one goes over Steve again. It's called a hedge, and it is not to be feared, my amphibious friend. It is the gateway to the good life. I'm a reptile, actually. But, you know, it's a common mistake. And you are? Where are my manners. I'm RJ. Don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise. Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here. No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather food, store it for the winter? - We fill the log! - Hammy. Really? This log? This cave-like log? - All the way to the top. - Ozzie. Let me ask ya, how long's it take? - You know, to fill the log? - Two hundred and seventy-four days. - Ever done it in a week? - That's impossible. Not if we work together. You've got the food gathering skills, I've got the know-how, - and they have the food! - How much food? Loads of food. Heaps of food. Food out the wazoo! Well, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I don't think we're interested in eating. I don't know, the guy's making a lot of sense to me. - I think we should listen. - Yeah, I'm OK with wazoo food there. No, you're not. The tail is tingling. - Why didn't you say so? - Hold on, hold on. The what is what? When something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles. Let me tell you, everything you've said so far is driving my tail crazy. Listen. Verne, right? This isn't something you need to be afraid of. Well, I am. And for good reason. This is not a birthmark. That's because you went over there without a guide. Thanks for stopping by. We're not interested. Not interested in the most delicious food you've ever tasted? - No! - Oome on. Not interested! OK. I get it. I understand. This is something that you're just not open to. Whoa! - Oh, my! - Jeepers. What is that? That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT and good old MSG, a.k.a., the chip. Nacho cheese flavor. - Over here! Toss me one of those! - More please! More. Yeah, Verne, those were good! It's all good. And we're going over there. Tonight! Yeah! Welcome to suburbia. Welcome to suburbia. - Wow! - Look at that! Hey, Mom, look at us! Look at us! Oh, my! Hon, look at this. Jeepers. How's that tail, Verne? Listen, if anybody in this family gets hurt, I'm holding you responsible. They're having a good time. I'll take responsibility for that. - This is neat. - Look at that. - Hey, Spike, look at that. - Hey, Verno, I took a few clippings out of my quills to do a little comparison. Look at this, the grass seems to be greener over here. Verne, are you certain you came to the same place? Yeah, 'cause the raccoon says... OK, enough about him. I get it. So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean, it's not like he can walk on water. Hey, everybody! This way to the food! - That thing's huge! - What is that? That is an SUV. Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk. - Jeepers, it's so big! - How many humans fit in there? Usually? One. Hi, this is Gladys Sharp. Your president? Of the homeowner's association? Right. - Jeepers. - What is that? Easy, easy, don't worry. That's just a human being. And they are just as scared of us as we are of them. Now, if a human does happen to see you, just lay down, roll over and give your privates a good licking. They love it. The charter, which you signed, says the grass is supposed to be two inches, and according to my measuring stick, yours is 2.5. Oould we just get the food and go? Really, do they have it or not? Didn't you see it? It was in the box. They've always got food with them. We eat to live, these guys live to eat. Let me show you what I'm talking about. The human mouth is called a "pie hole." The human being is called a "couch potato." That is a device to summon food. That is one of the many voices of food. That is the portal for the passing of the food. That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive the food, they wear the food! That gets the food hot. That keeps the food cold. That... I'm not sure what that is. What do you know? Food! That is the altar where they worship food. That's what they eat when they eat too much. That gets rid of guilt so they can eat more food. Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! So you think they have enough? Well, they don't. For humans, enough is never enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans, just for us. Sweetjeepers. Dig in! - Good, isn't it? - OK. - Wow. - Share there, everyone, share. That's a diaper. And that does come out of a wazoo. So, what do you think? Was I right or was I right? And these things are just the scraps! Wait'll you see what comes in the boxes, packages and cans! I'm telling you, stick with me, and in one week we will gather enough food to... - To feed a bear. - What? Just a figure of speech. Halt! Intruders! Intruders! Get out, all of you. What is it, baby? - What are you doing? - You said to lick our... No! Nix that! Run! - Run! - Get outta here! Run! - Shoo! - To the hedge! Get out of here! I just mopped this patio! Filthy vermin! Verne's right, that was horrible. - You kids OK? - Stay close. - We'll find other food, right? - See? That's what I was talking about! These humans don't want us around. So we scared her, and she overreacted. No biggie. No biggie? That is what we call a biggie. Oome on, think about the food. It was worth it for that food, huh? That stuff is to die for! Let me rephrase that. No, to die for. You nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life looks primitive to a guy with a bag. - What? - But I think I speak for the whole family when I say we want nothing to do with anything that's over that hedge. - Oh, come on! - I'm done. You haven't even tried doughnuts yet! You wanna store fat? That is the way to store some fat. You'll be sweatin' through the winter! - We'll eat the bark, right? - OK, all right, you guys sleep on it! Good idea. I'm gonna check back with you. Shoot! Almost had 'em. - Good night, Heather. - Good night. - Good night, Ozzie. - Good night. - Good night, Lou. - Good night. - Night, Penny. - Good night. - Good night, Hammy. - Good night. - Night, Bucky. - Good night. - Good night, Spike. - Good night, Uncle Verne. - Good night, Quillo. - Night, Uncle Verne. When we wake up, only 273 days left till winter. - That's enough, Verne. - Good night, 273. Spuddies... Oooler... Wagon... Redder wagon. Time's up, RJ. But I have six more days! No! OK. Four paws, fur. Still alive, still alive. So, what are you saying? You want me to take 'em to his house? - No. - Then what are you saying? Jimmy was pushing me on the bus. - He likes you. - No way, he's a creep. Next time he shoves you, beat him up. Yes! OK, kids, dive in. There it is. Bark for breakfast! - I want a doughnut! - I want pizza. No, you don't. OK. This is great. Granted, it takes some time to chew. But that... That was very satisfying. And, by the way, lots of fiber in there too. - Lots. - I gotta admit, that does look tasty. What are you doing here? I'm here to help you with your... foraging thing. Look, Verne, you said a word yesterday about your little gang here. It starts with an F, do you remember what it was? - Family? - Right, right, that. You know, that got me right here. You see, Verne, I used to have all of that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But then all that went away with... ...the weed hacker incident. Oh, God. Oh, come here. Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it? - Oh, brother. - Jeepers, Verne. We could always use the extra hand there, you know. The weed hacker, Verne. The weed hacker. OK. Not your problem. I'll just go. This is me... ...going. - Been nice. - Don't hit. Really nice getting to know you. Hey, I'm sure I'll see you around the forest. - Take care. - All right, all right. Hey, RJ? You can... you can stay. - Oome here, ya big lug! - No. I knew beneath this hard, crispy outside there was a soft, nougat-y center in there. - Do you mind if I call you Uncle Verne? - With every bone in my body. Great. Hey, can I work with Hammy? Wanna help me find my nuts? Very tempting, Hammy, very tempting. But first, I want to show you this. You like this cookie? - Well, this cookie's junk! - I like a cookie. Easy, easy. Don't worry. I know where we can get some cookies so valuable that they are hand delivered by uniformed officers. - The Doyles' is the yellow house. - They only ordered one box. - The Doyles' is the yellow house. - They only ordered one box. There they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener Neeners and Smackeroons. And guess what? They're all yours! Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you can't take 'em. - You said they're mine. - They will be, if we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan! - You with me, kid? - I... I... I... The I's have it! Let's ride. Mrs. Johansson was allergic to chocolate. - Really? - Yeah, if she eats it, - her face explodes or something. - That is, like, so unfair. - Wait, wait. How many boxes of? - Hey! You stay away from those cookies. They're mine! This guy's not coming, is he? I don't want him to. Oh, we have so much work to do. Oome on, step into my office. Now, listen up. What we're going for here is a vicious, man-eating, rabid squirrel. - Oan you handle that? - Excuse me? Yes... Hammy. OK. Rabbits aren't vicious. They're all cute and cuddly, so... Rabid, not rabbit. Oh... What? OK. So first we're gonna muss the hair. That's looking good. All right, now we're gonna... We're gonna mat the fur a little bit. A little puff on the tail... Stop it! Puffier. Liking that a lot. Show me that wild look in your eye. Oome on! - I can burp my ABOs! A, B, O. - Hammy! I just really need you to focus right now, OK? - OK. - Thank you. Let's see. There we... Hang on a minute. Not that, not that. No, no. Nice! Hammy? Done! Now, come on. I'll be right behind you. Go on, get out there. Shoo, shoo! I am a crazy rabid squirrel! I want my cookies! I'm rabid! I'm foaming at the mouth. I'm foaming, very scary rabid squirrel. Rabies! - Hey, it's working! - Behind you! I know. You're right behind me... Got it! Stand back! - No, no, no, no! Oh, no! - Take that! - Walk it off! Walk that one off! - What's going on? Is that Hammy? - Everything's under control. Go back. - You call that under control? - He's under attack! - He's working! - I'm coming, Hammy! - Verne! No! What are you doing? Watch out! - Hold still! I got it! Stay still. - Help me! Get off of me! - Yuck! - Gross! - Nasty! - Oh, my God, this is so gross! Verne! That was great! You, my friend, are a natural. Or, should I say, au naturel. Hammy, you were awesome, my man! You had me scared. I was about to come out and beat you with a book myself. You're all right, aren't ya? Of course you are. You are Hammy! Those bruises are gonna heal. You know what? Ohicks dig scars. - There! - Over there! That's where the squirrel attacked us! He has rabies or something. There was this gross, naked, amphibian thing. - Reptile. - It's OK, girls. Go inside, have a cookie, turn on the TV and calm down. Thanks, Mom. I'm sorry, Janis, did I just hear them say "rabid squirrel"? I think they mightjust be overreacting. What if they're not? What if we have a potential pandemic on our hands? Vermin running loose, spreading disease and lowering our property values? Yeah. I have a casserole in the oven. Gotta run. Fine. Worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about the end of suburban peace and tranquility! That's right. Don't push. Plenty for everybody. Got a box right over here for ya, Penny. That is good. Eat up! Anything that tastes this good has to be good for you. Feel buzzing in the back of your skull? That's called a sugar rush. It's what keeps humans going, why they don't hibernate. Add a little of this, and what usually takes you all summer will take us a week. I like it! I like it! Hold on, Hamsquad. The last thing you need is caffeine. That's right. Oome on, dig in. Because this, my friends, is just the beginning. What? - Up, down! Up, down! - He's getting away! Oh, yeah! Read it and weep. Hello? I need every business listing you have under "exterminator." Ozzie! - Whoa, Mom! You hit a possum. - Oh, my goodness. Do you think it's dead? Oh, no. - Wow! - Touch it. - Oan I poke him? - No! These poor little creatures. - What's going on? - Oome check it out. Debbie? I don't remember seeing a permit app for a gathering. Groups of more than one who wish to get... Timmy, get the shovel from the car. Lights fading, limbs growing cold. - I see a tunnel. - Oh, no. Mother, is that you beckoning me into the light? Must move toward the light. - What do you think he's doing? - Maybe we knocked his brains loose. You went too far. Let's get out of here and leave this... This... - Nice catch, Verne. - Yes! Yes! - You're dangerous. You're insane! - Sweet music, I'm going home! Goodbye, cruel world! Rosebud. - Now can I poke him? - No! You see? This is exactly why I called the exterminator. To kill them before they get hurt like this. Everybody, get out of here right now! Right! Kids, grab those handles. Get the stuff. - What? - Here we go. I threw out my back. - Let's go. - Get down. Oh, no. I believe someone phoned about an animal problem? The solution is standing before you. Dwayne LaFontant is here. Where have you been? I'm throwing a "Welcome to the Neighborhood" party, and so far Debbie's car has killed more animals than you have. Stand down, sister. I personally guarantee that there will not be a living thing at this party. The Verminator is on the job. Leave it. Leave it! What do we have here? Didelphis marsupialis virginianus. Approximately ten pounds. Male. - I think he's dead. - Oh, really? Do you, in fact, have an associates degree from Vermtech? I think he wants you to think he's dead. - Go! Go! - Move, move! - That's it! Run! Go! ...voluntary shock state. Look at him closely. You can see him breathing. I certainly hope he's not in any pain. What the? Kill it! Kill it! Thank you all for coming! You were a great audience! Oh, man! All right, what am I up against here? Possum, porcupine, skunk, squirrel, raccoon, amphibian. - Reptile. - No. Reptile. That's what I call a super-duper performance there. - I wanna do it again! - Beyond super. They were riveted. You were awesome! All right! Dad. I just gotta say, that was... that was pretty good. Props for the Ozman! - Ozman! - Yeah! Yeah! But let's not forget our brilliant leadership: RJ. RJ! Brilliant! RJ, come this way. We wanna show you something. - Yeah, sure. - Sweet. - What a team! - That raccoon knows what he's doing. You're my hero there, fella. - Over here, this way. - RJ, come on! Yeah, we wanna show you something. Oome on, hurry! Oheck it out. Your new home! And look, we got a place for you right here! That's for me? Yeah, is this anything like what you had, RJ? This isn't anything like what I had, Lou. - Here, I'm not supposed to drink this. - Thanks. - Is that my bag? - Yeah, we brought it in here so you wouldn't have to sleep in that tree. Really? Wow. Hey, RJ, check this out! We totally hooked up the TV. - I hot-wired the HD converter. - We get a thousand channels! Oan you take the remote before my dad does? Wow. A universal remote? This is nice, guys. Really nice. We now return to A Scoundrel Among Us. You should be ashamed of yourself. We let you into our family, and you've deceived us. I gave you my heart, and you ripped it into a million pieces. Get real, Kevin. When you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag. Right? So just own it, just say it out loud. "I am a dirtbag." Dirtbag. I don't think that guy's a real doctor. What do you think there, RJ? RJ? Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, RJ. What are you doing, man? You are getting in way too deep. Just get the food. Feed the bear. Get the food. Feed the bear. Where's the food? Where's the food?! Verne. What are you doing? Getting things back to the way they were. - No, don't. How about I just leave? - Good. You leave, and I return this stuff to the rightful owners. What?! Why? Because we've angered the humans. And we don't wanna end up like that rabbit. Hence, I'm giving this back so they won't kill us. Verne, you don't understand! We need this stuff! No, we don't! You can't take it! Yes, I can! - Let go! - You let go! - I have to have it. - No! Verne. Move slow, keep your voice low and follow me. What? No. No. I'm not falling for any more of your smooth talk! I don't know what you're up to, but my entire shell is tingling. Know what? I'm listening to it this time, - and I'm putting my foot down. - No, no. Play? Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Let's play! Play! Jeez... Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! Play! - Down, boy. Sit. Roll over! - Play! - Play dead! - Play! Attaboy, Verne. Save the food. I'll lose the dog. Play. Play, play, play, play. Play, play, play, play. Oh, no! No, no, no, no. You're dropping all the food, man! - Here, catch. - Play! Are you hungry? Look, food. Oh, my back! Look, people! Play with them! - Look out! - Stop! What's he doing? - What was that? - Play, play, play, play. I'm all right, I'm fine. It's OK. It's... Verne, unhook the chain. Play! No. Yes. Bad. Oh, boy. Verne, I told you to unhook the chain. Garbage cans are not to be on the curb before eight... You're the devil. No! No! Verne, you all right there? - Gimme a hand, Oz. - Sure, sure. - What happened? - What happened? It's gone. The food! Gone! - What? - Gone? - How's it gone? - Ask him! - Verne? - I returned it - to its rightful owner. - What? We, like, worked our tails off, you know? Like, a lot. And the food we gathered was totally... You know. And you're... You're all, whatever. Yeah, Verne, what were you thinking? The log was full! - Full ofjunk. - So, what are you saying there? That the food we gather our way isn't as good as the food we gather your way? Your way? You mean his way. Oan't you see RJ is just using you? Verne! Shame on you. RJ wouldn't do that. You have got to trust me on this. Don't you understand there's something wrong with him? My tail tingles every time I get near him. So we're supposed to go hungry because your butt's vibrating? I'm starting to think that tingle is just you being jealous. - Jealous? Of him? - Yeah. He's embracing the future there, and you're just holding us back. I hold you back, all right. From extinction. See what you've done here? If they listened to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week. You are only interested in taking advantage because they're too stupid and naive to know any better. I'm not stupid. OK, I didn't mean... I meant ignorant. To the ways over... over there. Oome on, you guys. You know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella? Ozzie? Hammy? You know I didn't... - Hammy... - I'm not stupid. Please. - Good night, Uncle RJ. - Good night, kiddo. Moon's full, RJ. See ya in the morning. This'll cut you down to size! I got ya! - Is it done? - Affirmative. Did you put this one in? This Depelter Turbo? That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, except Texas. I don't care if it's against the Geneva Oonvention. - I want it! - I thought you might. So I took the liberty of installing it for you. Adios, animal infestation. Oh, my. What have I done? - Shouldn't have taken all that food. - What? I shouldn't have taken all that food. I was just trying to return things to the way they were. I was just being cautious. 'Oause that's what I am. I'm naturally tentative. There's even places in my shell I haven't been. You, on the other hand, you're like... cool. And crazy and fearless. I think they're right. I think I'm justjealous. Verne, believe me, you should not be jealous of me. You got a good thing here. You're trying to do what's best for your family. And I think you're what's best for them now. What about your tail? My head says listen to my tail, my tail says listen to my head, and I just... ...end up with an upset stomach. That's why you need to be in charge now. - You don't know what's going on. - And you do. - So, what's the problem? - This, Verne, is the problem. - You see this? - I'm listening. Just... Just hang on a second. All right? I... - You throwing the party? - Yes. To the right. There are protective booties to put on over your shoes. Yes! Yes! - What is this? - What? Oh, that... ...is a... ...list of all the stuff that you lost, Verne. - Really? - It's a big, long list. You can see. You're a... organized little guy, aren't you? Nice job. You know what? I know a place so chock-full of food, we could get it all back in one night. Great. Let's go. Where is it? - Inside that house. - What? - What is the point of this thing? - Just send it down. What Verne is trying to say is... What Verne is trying to say is... I mean, it's hard to really sum it all up in just one word. - But... - I'm sorry. Oh, come here. - Oh, come here, Verne. - That's right. OK! Listen, stay in the huddle. Here's the plan. Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. Here, here, here, here. Big one here, here, - and maybe a few over here. - Gee, is that all? No. There's a bunch of red lights all over here. OK, Verne? Looking a little green. I blacked out for a second there, but I get the idea. There's lights, traps... I might need to change my shell. OK, this is us. - Oan I be the car? - I wanna be the car! - I'm the car. You be the shoe. - The shoe is lame. Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron? Hey, it's not important! Besides, I'm the car. I'm always the car. The plan works in three simple steps. Step one, kill the lights. Step two, get inside. Step three, get out with mountain of food. But this place is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. - How will we get in? - The collar is the key. Literally, the collar. It's like a key that opens the door and if... And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you? Not to me, my femme fatale. To you. - Her? - Me? You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using... - My stink. ...your feminine charms. Was that out loud? Look, raccoon, maybe that mask you're wearing is obstructing your view, but if you haven't noticed, I'm a skunk. On the outside, maybe. But I'm looking inside, Stella, and I see a fox. And all we gotta do is get her out. - Scissors. - Scissors? - Here we go. - Watch the... - Oharcoal. - Oharcoal? - Air freshener. - Tomato juice. - Oork. - Oork? Don't you dare. - Get 'em! - Score! Yeah! One more thing. Stop. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, our work here is done. Oh, my. - Big jeepers. - She's all like, wow. What? Meow. - Whoa! - Amazing! Gosh, she looks... Wow. All right, gang, this is it. We're going in. Not again. Dang it! Those things are so lifelike. Ourse you, plastic moldsman. OK, Hammy. Hammy! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Hammy, I told you that cookie's junk! But I like a cookie. What's going on? Is everything OK? Here we go! Oome on, Hammy, come on. Follow the pretty light. There it is, that's it. That's it, that's it. There it is. Go get it. That's it, that's it. Go get it, you little nut! Bingo! OK, step two. I thought we'd be dead by step two, so this is going great! OK, gorgeous, you're on. Man, this better be one stupid cat. Audio, go! She's supposed to be a cat. Put it on cat. Maybe the cat likes a cow. Who goes there? You're a cat! You're a cat! You're a cat! I mean, I'm a cat. - Meow. - Yeah, right. Shoo. Go on, get away from here. My owner does not give scraps to common strays. Oommon strays? All right, you asked for it. - Get the collar! - Gee, that's a nice collar you got on. - Mind if I have a look? - No! Oome no closer! I must not be so near a creature of the outdoor woods. - Away with your filth! - My filth? - My filth?! - Oh, jeepers, here we go. OK, that's it. I am sick and tired of everybody taking one look at me and running away 'cause they think I'm filthy. Well, I got news for you. I didn't get all primped and preened to have some over-fed, pompous puffball tell me he's too good for me. I got makeup on my butt, dude! And you don't even wanna know about the cork! Stop! No one has ever spoken to me like that! It is bold. I like it. Well, believe me, there's more where that came from... ...puffball. - All right, team, let's boogie. You are strong. Your essence is overpowering. - What? What do you mean by that? - It is your eyes. - My eyes. - They are luminous. Luminous? Dang. You know, I think this is the part where I blacked out. Did the little shoes and cars actually get into the house? - So you got a name? - Yes. It is a Persian name, for I am Persian. I was born Prince Tigeriess Mahmood Shabaz. That's a mouthful. Oan I just call you Tiger? - This place is huge. - Wicked cool. Animals are in the house. Wow! - Oh, my goodness. - This is so cool. - Yes! OK, stations, everybody. - Let's boogie! - We got it. - Here we go. No grip, no grip, no grip. - Hammy! Less claw, more pad. - Oh, OK. That hurt. - Just a minute, I'll be right there. - What was that? Lt... That's just the sound of my heart. Oan't you hear it? This way, this way! OK, OK, we're good. Go back to work. There ya go. Here, catch! Oh, boy. Yes, I'm gonna make it. My father, he had an exceptionally flat face. He was so beautiful, he could barely breathe. Fascinating. ...inside, I have a multi-leveled climby-thing with shag carpet. - Oome, I show you. - No, no! I haven't told you about my life. Good, good. Going great, going great. What is that? That is what gets the humans out of bed in the morning. Where'd she go? Get down and stay down. Move. Move. Oome on! We've gotta go before she comes back. - No! Not without those Spuddies. - What? Lou, Penny, back to the TV. Heather, keep an eye on that human. - I'm on it, RJ. - No, Heather. Wait! The tingle, the tingle. RJ! The wagon's full, let's get out of here. Vincent, this'll only take a second - Vincent? - Where? - Who's Vincent? - Oh, Verne, Vincent. Simple slip of the bear. Tongue! Just bear with me is what I meant to say. There's no bear. Lights fading. Limbs growing co... Heather. Oh, Heather! There's a dead, white rat on my staircase. I thought you were dead. I learned from the best, Dad. That's my girl. Oome to Papa. We better hurry. We don't have much time. - What's going on, RJ? - Nothing! Let's get out of here because we have what we need. - No, we don't. - What are you talking about? - We have more than enough. - Hey, listen. I've got this long to hand over that wagon of food to a homicidal bear. If these Spuddies aren't on the menu, then I will be. Now let go of my tail. What? Let go! Hey, whoa! I'm sorry, I've gotta go. Stella, Stella, where are you going? Stella! Stella! Look, it's not you. It won't work, OK, because I'm a... Skunk! Yeah, that. Sorry you have to see this. Fire in the hole! - Oh, my... - This smell doesn't bother you? No. This face was bred for beauty. I cannot smell a thing. You can't smell? To the door! Go, go, go, go, go, go! - Run! - This way! Let's party. Bunnies! Flee, my love. Run, that way. Outside! Move, kids! Oome on! Buenos das, reptile. You've just been verminated. You stink. That's because you let them into my... house! - Those... - Hey, Nancy, stop your honkin'. These little guys will be disposed of quickly and humanely. No! Not humanely. As inhumanely as possible. It was a pleasure doing business with you, ma'am. - What's he gonna do to us, Mama? - I don't know, baby. I don't wanna die, Dad. Not for real. There, there, there, sweetheart. We'll be OK. You were right about him, Verne. We shoulda listened. Sorry there. No. I knew we couldn't trust him, and I got us into this. I should've known better. Wow! Vincent? So I was on my way down here to kill you. But I stopped to watch the show, and I gotta say... ...that, right there, is a thing of beauty. That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen. Olassic RJ. You take the food, and they take the fall. You keep this up, you're gonna end up just like me. Having everything you ever wanted. But I already had that. What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you don't need them. Actually, I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this! RJ! What the? - There goes my back again. - Are you OK? You sorry sack of rat dung. Whoa, Stella, this is a rescue. I'm rescuing you. I'm gonna gas you so hard your grandchildren'll stink. - Bear! - What's that? - Bear! - Hair? - Bear! - Dare? - Bear! - Oh, bear! What? - We're out of control! - We can drive. - It's just like Auto-Homicide 3! - What? Verne, let me in! Wrong button! Wrong button! - Please select destination. - Take us home! Take us to the log! Previous destination selected. Make a legal U-turn. We got it! - Hammy! Let me in! - Not listening to RJ. Kids, lose that bear! What weapons do we have? - We've got a hammer. - Oool. You little... Thank you. Yes, yes! Hey! - Let me in, let me in! - No! Ring-tailed charlatan! Ozzie! He's trying to help us. Just let him in. - After what he did to us? - But he came back. And he brought a bear. - No fighting while we're driving. - We will turn this van around, mister. He started it. I'm telling you, he's trying to help us. But, Verne, you're the one who always says trust your tail. But it's not tingling. - Why didn't you say so? - Hey! Thank you, thank you. - You're dead, RJ! - Duck! - And your friends are next. - Look out! Make an immediate left turn. Bonus points! Yeah! RJ! Yeah! - Look out. - High score. No, no, no, no! You have arrived. Everybody all right? - Oome on! - We've gotta go, we've gotta go! The old jazz dance injury. - Oome on, come on. Quillo! - Go, go, go. - Did we make it? - That was close! - All right! - Are we here? Penny? The kids here? Hammy? Scary clown. Look out! A weed hacker, Verne. A weed hacker! - Hey! - Up, up, go up. Show your little rat faces. Filthy creatures. Stay in the woods where you belong. Watch out! You guys wanna party, do ya? All right, then, let's party. - Mom! - Kids! Penny, Lou, look out! Down! That's it! Verne, get everybody out of here. I'll distract him. - Are you crazy? He'll kill you. - Well, I'm the one he wants. Take care of your family, Verne. I intend to. The whole family. - There's got to be something we can do. - There's no time. Hammy! Hey, Vincent. You were right. With a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough. RJ! Now, Hammy. Go, go, go! OK... I got the cookie. - That's the... - The Depelter Turbo. Prepare for a lot of stinging. Oh, no! No, no! No, no! No! Ouch! That stung like I knew it would! - Yeah! - All right! Good job, everybody. That's teamwork. Oome here, Hammy, come here. You are a genius, my boy. Oh, thank you. And, Verne, don't you ever fix this shell! Yeah. Glad it's working for ya. Take it off, give it back. Here we go, off to the Rockies for you, Smoky. Now, you do realize that was a Depelter Turbo? Officer, please. It was that Verminator. He sold it to me. This has nothing to do with me. Hey, hey, it was in your yard. Your name's on the contract, so tell it to the judge. - No! It's not my fault! Let go of me! - Ma'am... I can't be arrested! I'm the president of the homeowner's association! Take her down! She's getting away! - We got a twitcher! Watch it! Ma'am! - Get her! - Stop that! - Oan I get help over here? Somebody get a hold of her legs! - Play? - Oh, no! No, no! No, no! High five, Hammy! - Yes! - It worked! We did it! - Oh, yes! - Stella! - Stella! - Over here, Tiger. Oh, Stella. So this is the outdoor woods? I like it. Oome on, big boy. You're coming with me. You know, RJ, just for the record, if you had told us that all that food you were trying to get was to pay back an angry bear, we would've given it to you. - Really? - Yeah, that's what families do. They look out for each other. - I've never had anything like that. - I know. But believe me, this... This is the gateway to the good life. Wish you would've told me that sooner. Well, that's bad communication. Also something families do. So, what do you say? You wanna be a part of it? Oome here, come here. I promised I wouldn't do this. OK. Welcome to the family! - Hey! - Group hug! OK, OK. What a first week of spring. Wait a minute! That means there's only 267 days left till winter. What are we gonna do for food? Yes, Hammy. I filled the log. - Jeepers! - What? Look, look! I found my nuts! That, my friends, is the object of all human attention and devotion. - And they call it a TV. - Wicked cool! Humans feel an inner need to connect with the world around them. That is super-duper. They also feel a need to sit on their fat butts. Watching TV fulfills both needs at the same time. Wow. Interesting. Oome on, kids. Family time there, in front of the TV. Got your snack food? Buy a vowel. Buy a vowel! Buy a "Y". Please buy a "Y". - I can't find the remote. - Hey, Spikey, race ya! - Has anybody seen the remote? - Dad, chill. I could do a little TV. Today's the day we find out if the baby is gifted or if Saxon is really an alien. Like Khan in Star Trek II! The Genesis Project was in the hands of the Enterprise, but Khan had his plan to steal the invention! - Well, that was specific. - I saw it on TNT, a retrospective. - Gummi Worm, anybody? - Let me have one. Bucky, pass this to Lou. - Taste this. - Don't you take that. - This is the perfect food. - Fat-free cookies? Might as well be eating dirt. I've had dirt. I don't like dirt. It tastes like dirt. The show is starting. Hang on a minute. I can't wait. I can't wait. Yes! Here we go. - Kind of anticlimactic. - Shoot!

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=over-the-hedge

#over the hedge #transcript #yeah thats right I fucked over your dash

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs, week thirty-three

brief reviews of the songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 23 august 1997, 25 august 2007, and 26 august 2017

8.23.1997

25) "You Make Me Wanna..." by Usher

It's at once extremely difficult and painfully easy to stand out amongst the sea of R&B dudes. It's difficult because there's so many, but easy because, on some level, all the other R&B dudes are singing about devotion. They're either pledging eternal love or pledging eternal love on the condition that their intended return, either way, they are saying you're the one, you're absolutely the only person. Usher isn't even going to say he's going to leave his current girl for you. He's saying he wants to, but he's not saying that he's going to start that new relationship, he just really wants to, he wants to ditch this girl for the person he should have been with all along. It's one of the greatest songs about indecision ever made, well deserving of its place in the cultural consciousness.

58) "Hole in My Soul," by Aerosmith

Imagine the look on Steven Tyler's face when he realized hole rhymed with soul. "We can write so many songs now!" I like to think he exclaimed to his other, equally excited band members. "This changes everything!" I dunno, you're asking me to write about a song Aerosmith made at least five years past their prime and 20 years later. Like, I'm not gonna find gold in this swamp just 'cuz I brought a pan to it, y'know?

67) "After 12, Before 6," by Sam Salter

This is an okay song about fucking, but how many horny-ass R&B songs have we heard out of 1997? Like, just by making a song touching on infidelity in a novel and fun way, Usher makes his song more memorable than this synthy ballad of many runs. (Another point in "You Make Me Wanna..."s favor: whoever played guitar on that song did a stellar job.) Like, why would I wanna hear another slow jamz after "You Make Me Wanna..."? What is the utility of this decades-old song about schtuppin'? Hello hi it is 3 AM on a Wednesday I am behind on everything I got a super late start on this post I've barely started the Fall Out Boy post and I wasted ten minutes I don't have trying to wrap my mind grapes around this song.

76) "Have a Little Mercy," by 4.0

how come in songs like this from a group of r&b dudes every member of the group is singing in the first person. like shouldn't the other three dudes say "you should take him back," or am i supposed to believe that all four of these men are spurned lovers who are simultaneously making their pitch. "heck are these other three girls doing here?" "efficiency. our plea will not work unless we are harmonizing." like i wouldn't take any of these dudes back simply because none of them made me feel special.

77) "Supernatural," by Wild Orchid

We have brought up in YAS the idea that, if we didn't know who Fergie was, we would not mind her songs at all, but because they come with the Fergie package, we are annoyed by them, consider them horrible, awful things. I can now introduce ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE to the trial, which is the best kind of evidence IMHO. Wild Orchid had a song in the Top 20 for a little bit. Because I encountered "Talk to Me" in one of those periods where I don't feel like "learning" anything about the thing I'm gonna talk about, I didn't look up who the individual members of Wild Orchid were. TURNS OUT, WHEN I DION'T KNOW FERGIE WAS INVOLVED IN A PROJECT, I ENJOY THE RESULTS OF THE PROJECT A LIL' BIT. This isn't quite as fun as "Talk to Me," and I'm a little disappointed this isn't the '60s jam the first few seconds of the video led me to believe it was going to be, but it's a fun '90s pop/r&b ditty, and also that key change.

91) "Stranger in Moscow," by Michael Jackson

So we're all in agreement that Michael Jackson made a lot of great songs and was probably a pedophile, right? I dunno. Like, he's dead, so listening to his music probably won't hurt anyone, but at the same time, I'm not sure I'll be able to say anything of value regarding this song, because I'm either going to ignore the fact he was probably a pedophile or make a dumb joke about a sensitive topic, I dunno, this item on the list is like a treasure map with no Xs. I'm not about to dig in a billion places just to find one nugget.

92) "Free," by Ultra Nate

All dance music sounds more or less the same to me, yet I somehow mind this a lot less than the rest of the dance cohort. I guess I just think it makes sense to build a dance track around the line "you're free to do what you want to do." Like, yeah, that's a sentiment worth dancing to, I can do what I want, and that includes the hully-gully and other fashionable dances.

8.25.2007

22) "Ayo Technology," 50 Cent ft./Timbaland & Justin Timberlake

"We need a hook for this song. We have the biggest stars in music, the hottest producer on the track doing his usual thing, we just need that hook, something that people will SCREAM in the clubs!" What if we have J Timbies complain about technology? "...Hm. OK. OK. Tell me, I can't remember Fifty's ver -- sorry, Fiddy's verses, but does he mention technology at all?" Nah. "So J Timbies is going to complain about technology..." Just because. "Well should we add any references to technology to the song at all?" Nah. "I LOVE IT! Hit 'em with the suckerpunch! Gentlemen, and you are all gentlemen because this is 2007, we've done it! Another hit which will last in the public consciousness forever! Let us enjoy rich people drinks, like scotch probably!"

45) "If You're Reading This," Tim McGraw

this is boring and we don't talk enough about how tim mcgraw and josh groban at some point became the same entity

56) "The Pretender," Foo Fighters

Rock might be the one genre where "they just don't make songs like this anymore" is an actual statement worth making. Like when's the last time we heard a rock band attack a song like Foo Fighter does here? Even the latest Foo Fighters song felt perfunctory, like rock for the sake of making rock music in 2017, and not for the sake of making something cool and rebellious. And that's not to say there isn't great pure rock being made outside of the mainstream (shout out to Sheer Mag!), but the rock music that's trying to break into the mainstream either feels stale or is Imagine Dragons. Nothing feels even a tenth as dangerous as the first half-minute of the song, where things feel too quiet, where you know Foo Fighters isn't releasing one of their acoustic songs as a single and are waiting for something to happen to fuck you up. Rock in the mainstream doesn't have that danger anymore, and even this song, I'm describing a wait for something you know is gonna happen, not an anticipation of anything that could happen. I enjoy this song, is what I tried and failed to say in the rest of this passage. We're comin' up on 3:45 and I'm only vaguely aware where I am right now because I so rarely leave my apartment.

65) "S.O.S.," Jonas Brothers

These delightful little scamps made a whole bunch of adorable, enjoyable pop/rock music that isn't really worth any sort of deep analytical plunge! I still don't understand how one of these kids ended up making "Chains." Like, I get that Nick Jonas wanted to shed that Disney image, but he didn't need to prance around shirtless like a gigolo just so he could seem more "adult." (Bob are you trying to comment on how we treat male pop stars as opposed to female pop stars?) I'm just saying, I would respect Nick Jonas a lot more if it seemed like he respected himself. I don't think it's very meninist to try to sell sex, y'know? (Bob don't post this.) WATCH ME

74) "International Players Anthem (I Choose You)," U.G.K. ft./OutKast

This song is a miracle we don't deserve. "So I typed a text to a girl I used to see/Sayin that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be/And I apologize if this message gets you down/Then I CC'd every girl that I'd see see round town" This song STARTS with those lines. And like Dre's verse obviously gets attention, but gosh, the way the beat is pared down to just the drum and bass when Big Boi begins his verse and the whole song goes quiet as a mouse as he says what he needs to say, it's so good. This song is so good, it's worth forgiving the minor homophobic slur tossed out by Pimp C. Like, aside from that one small unfortunate misstep, this song is absolutely perfect, peak OutKast, almost peak Southern rap, it's SO GOOD! It's so good, man. Hold on tight to the memory of this song, stormy waters ahead.

93) "I Got it from My Mama," will.i.am

"Be a good girl and thank your mama/She made you steamin' like a sauna." BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP BOOP BOOP BEEP "Hello, my daughter!" "Hi, Mom!" "To what do I owe this call on this lovely Tuesday morning?" "I just wanted to say thank you." "Aw! Sweetie! You just made my day!" "Yeah will.i.am wants to fuck me because of how you made me so hot." Who on earth okayed this song. Who heard this and said, "okay." Your reaction to this song should not be "okay."

94) "Over You," Daughtry

One of my favorite things on the World Wide Web (aka, The Infonet) is "How You Remind Me of Someday," which plays one Nickelback song in one ear and a different Nickelback song in the other to show how Nickelback uses the same chord progressions and drum fills in two songs they said were different. There is a video that no longer exists, likely because Vote for the Worst no longer exists (I think they made it), which played this song and Nickelback's "Photograph" side by side to similar results. What I'm trying to say is, rock died despite Foo Fighters' best efforts and now we all have to listen to Imagine Dragons because Daughtry couldn't be bothered to try harder.

99) "Wake up Call," Maroon 5

Like all Maroon 5 songs, this is acceptable.

26 August 2017

70) "The Race," by Tay-K

This was certainly a freestyle. I feel like I'm missing something here, like there's some reason this song charted beyond my limited scope. A lot of the search results on YouTube brought up Lil Yachty, so maybe there's a remix of the freestyle, but I honestly don't give enough of a shit to contend with Lil Yachty after Billboard said I wouldn't have to. I hope he's set free or whatever assuming he's innocent of whatever people claimed he did or that he’s served enough time for whatever he did, again, I’m not going to research because his rap name is dumb and I don’t feel like sifting through Google. I’m sure it’s bad, whatever the situation is.

76) "Patty Cake," by Kodak Black

Nope!

81) "OMG," Camila Cabello ft./Quavo

This is actually a reasonable trap song. I can't tell if I'm actually enjoying this or if I'm reacting to the novelty of a pop starlet trying her hand at a trap impression, but I'm pretty convinced this is a strong, strong attempt at a trap song from someone who probably has no business trying to enter into this genre. I'm also kind of refreshed by a trap song which doesn't create a new gross dick descriptor in every verse. It's pretty alright!

82) "What About Us," by Pink

This is a tasteful amount of '90s dance influence. Maybe it's not just '90s dance but dance in general, I don't think dance music has undergone a ton of change in the past ever, but like y'all get it probably, the way this song is more propulsive than the standard "we've got to do something!" ballad. It has a nice kick to it, is what I'm trying to say, and a nice kick is generally what Pink has delivered in her long and storied musical career, as she becomes the 32nd member of the '07-'17 Decade Dance Club. Would that Choice had hit and Pink could join Tim McGraw and Jay-Z in the Double Dance!

84) "Perplexing Pegasus," by Rae Sremmurd

look. when you put the word pegasus in your song title, i have certain expectations. i am not looking for a boilerplate trap song about how foreign cars make girls horny. i am expecting something MAJESTIC AS IS BEFITTING A WINGED HORSE. this song has utterly failed to meet my rigorous standards for songs about pegasi. i am being informed that the pegasus is also a foreign car and i 100% do not give a shit, give me fantasy trap or give me death.

94) "B.E.D." by Jacquees

This dude seems like a legit vocalist. I dunno, I think 2007 took me to dizzying highs, and 2017 is giving me a bunch of songs that would get a B like it usually does, but in this case, this song gets a B because I think the dude aims to one day do better, more ambitious things than this song. Also, let's consider the moral downfall of America as told by the progression of '90s R&B music. In 1997, we had Usher considering leaving his girlfriend before taking up with a new lover and four nice boys begging that a young woman (or four!) show them mercy and forgive them for hurting her, and the one song that was about fucking was laden with innuendo and operated under a set fuck schedule, “fucking will be taking place in the designated fuck hours.” Like, it was about fucking, but the fucking was inferred, not stated. In 2017, we have this young man saying "I don't wanna love/I just wanna fuck" in the chorus of a song that was released to radio. Also, a Nazi wasn't president in 1997. It truly was better back then.

95) "Chillin' Like a Villain," by Sofia Carson, Cameron Boyce, Booboo Stewart & Mitchell Hope

WE NEED TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE FOR THESE DELIGHTFUL DANCING TEENS. This song is woefully bereft of Captain Hook's gay son, yes, but most songs are, so we won't hold that against this delightful dance jam I am in no way qualified to speak about, since I have not seen the film and am also turning 28 on Saturday, like what is this life choice I have made for 30-some weeks in a row.

99) "Havana," by Camila Cabello ft./Young Thug

This is gonna make for a dope Postmodern Jukebox because it's already halfway there, it already kind of sounds like someone listened to "The Girl from Ipanema" and said, "How much can I water this shit down before the song is ready for 2017 pop radio?" A lot, but also, I love the way horns herald Young Thug's arrival, and I think this is the most I've enjoyed a Young Thug guest spot since his verse on that one Drake song. It's really cool that Camila Cabello is exploring all these different genres, and I've ended up enjoying all the songs she's put out this year. I mean, I miss Lorde? I wish we would've kept Lorde around? But Camila Cabello's been pretty dope, her songs are a lot of fun, and I'm okay with her being the current queen of pop, if that's what the world has decided it wants.

Who won the week?

These girls are smart, Three Stacks, these girls are smart. Play your part.

2017: 12 1997: 11 2007: 10

2007 on that comeback trail! They’ve got a few weeks to collect Ws before it settles in for what looks like a long winter. Can it overcome 11 songs of 1997 nonsense and whatever OK songs 2017 will bring to us next week? BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT

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