#sorry for all the tags i just felt compelled to spread the word LOL

[yinyuedijun]

Someone of Lunaescense is being archived! Never thought I'd see the day😭 https://www.reddit.com/r/FanFiction/comments/1fegohf/lunaescence_moving_to_ao3/

THIS IS LITERALLY CRAZY??? SALLY RETURNING TO SAVE LUNA AND BACKING IT ALL UP TO AO3 IN 2024 IS INSANE wow holy shit!!! thank you for the update!!! I never thought I'd see the day either 😭😭😭

tagging some of the lunaescence alum I know !! @stellamancer @2kmps @suguwu @a11eya @houjichaya

[aliasnz]

hi sorry i just had to post some of this le/vi acker/man x reader snz fic i'm writing. it is 3000 words of horn (not even halfway done) and i am struggling to go through this alone lol. will post the one-shot someday, but here is a significant sneak peek if you want >-<

Tags: levi ackerman x reader, allergies (pollen), light mess/spray, some stuffy talk, sexual undressing

Thank fuck you happened to pull from the kiss at that moment. As soon as you withdrew, Levi brought the back of his hand to the bottom of his nose and pressed down hard, halting the tickle at the last second before who knows what would’ve happened. You gazed upon him with adoration, but in his nerves, he mistook your expression for pity. Levi pressed his wrist down even harder, he absolutely couldn’t let loose now. 

“Look at me… undressed already,” with a smirk, you continued the work he had started, pushing your sleeves down your shoulders and off your body, pulling your pants to the floor and toeing through the leg holes. “Yet, here you are, showing me nothing…”

Yes, that’s the point.

If only you knew the war being waged on him now, you would not have been so heartless as to demand more of him. Stepping between the spread of his legs and combing your fingers through his bangs, you sang, “C’mon, Levi… let me see you.”

Already, you had placed him at another impossible fork. One-handed undressing was not exactly ideal, but neither was dropping his guard and permitting the tickle to resume. While weighing his dually undesirable options, he remained still, but that would not do for his needy little thing. You hooked your fingers beneath the hem of his shirt and began to lift. With each inch of skin revealed, your thirst grew even more dire. Pair upon pair of symmetric muscles defined his abdomen, a runway to his gorgeous chest. When it came time to lift the garment up-off-over his head, he lifted his arms in both compliance and submission. Before you could sling it off of his wrists, though, his face scrunched up and he shook his head, compelling you to pause. 

Arms above his head and knotted in his own threads, his hands were unavailable for covering, forcing him to turn to the side and - “Hh, hih’EHshh!”

In the wake of that sneeze, you both had moments of recognition. For him, it was the realization that this was not just one off-chance sneeze, for the burn still remained, and if anything, intensified. For you, it was the darkness that misted his gray long-sleeve. In his own words, he would have called it disgusting, and you had every reason to agree with that. In your mind, you found it inexplicably endearing, as though he could not help but reveal to you a side of himself that all others would least expect. All from one sneeze, what was that about?

His runback gave you another chance to consider it more. Futilely, he attempted to bend his elbow closer to his face, but the tautness of his shirt only let him get so far. Levi leaned into the crook and tried to catch what he could, which was still not very much. “Hah’ttchu! Ha’ah… ik’shew!!”

His slick, straight locks had been thrown astray. A thin glaze of tears washed over his eyes. Watching his misery unfold, his symptoms helped you start to make sense of your feelings. Sneezing in the middle of sex was pretty silly. His spray was objectively gross. The sounds he made were cute at best and pathetic at worst. No matter, you loved him all the same.

You loved him. 

His eyes remained shut as he worked through the end of the fit, you allowed your jaw to drop. It was still early in your relationship, neither of you had said those three words, but you settled on the next best phrase. When his hitching began to still, you smiled and tucked his bangs back in place, “Hmm ~ bless you, sweetheart.”

Levi could not summon an adequate reply, too focused on his fight. For a moment, the sting cut him a break. He swiftly freed himself from the accidental cuffs and turned his top into a tissue. It felt wrong, but not quite as bad as letting his nose continue to run. Holding the makeshift Kleenex to his nose, he lifted his gaze to you. You read his silent plea and hurried to your bathroom, at first only snatching a couple, but when you heard the faded “...t’chu! nnt‘shew! nguhh…” from down the hall, you opted for the entire box.

Veins in his neck rose in rhythm with his hearty sniffs, an early hint to the stuffiness that had tainted his voice, “Takes.” After each blow, he would hide the mess inwards, fold it into a perfect square and shuck it into your trash can. That continued until he could breathe and speak clearly, “You said you washed your bedding…”

The room's temperature dropped from warm and cute to cold and harsh. His sharp and sudden transition sent shivers down your spine, you balled your fists and affirmed, “I did! Today!”

“Today?”

“Yeah!” You insisted, “Hung it all outside to dry and even ironed it after that!”

His eyes widened briefly before his angled brows cut them to narrow slits, his anger thick, “...You did what?”

After all the work you had put in today, you expected him to be thrilled, but instead, he was pissed. You felt your lips fall into a deep frown, a guilt you had not felt in some years - like the time you knocked over that vase - fell on your shoulders. “They were completely dry when I brought them in! It was a hot and windy day today.” 

Hot and windy indeed, but it seemed you missed the pollen count.

“I’m… sorry…” your throat tightened with regret, heart froze with embarrassment, “I did it for you…”

If anyone but you, he would have rolled his eyes and scowled. For me? Here he was, feeling like shit, but you were the one who needed comforting. Ironically, the one responsible for his mess, he would have to console. Just as his symptoms should have turned you off, he should have been livid with you, but you made mistakes, and he loved you despite them.

His feelings for you even managed to make him turn the other cheek, a rare instance for Ackerman. Allergies fucked him up so intensely that he often forgot others could be immune to them. It wasn’t your fault that you made the assumptions you had. In fact, he was aware of how ridiculous his own contrast was: tightly wound in all other contexts, but unbound and unraveled by the most microscopic inconvenience. Levi figured he should tell you. Better late than never.

As he spoke, Levi continued to pinch his nose in his shirt, sentence completion at the cost of nasalization. “I habb allergies.”

You asked, foremost, for clarification. Habb? Have? Once the words passed out your mouth, you realized it was also hard to believe. “You have…allergies?” 

His only response was a heightened shade of blush and a couple twitches of his nostrils. Evidently, that answered better than words could. Ackerman’s weakness… was pollen? You could not help the smile that warmed across your face, though you were able to hold back the compliment you longed to give. Oh, Levi… you’re so adorable.

Likewise, he was able to bite back his reaction, the first time he ever found your grin irritating. Shut up.

In lieu of words, your expressions exchanged that dialogue for you.

You sank your teeth into your lip, straining to bar the instinctual laugh, though you had known each other long enough that he was able to detect it anyways. Not long enough, though, to know one another’s allergies. 

A conclusion to his argument, Levi opted to release a ferocious triple, hoping it would cement your understanding and silence the sting long enough that the intimacy could continue. His left hand clutched your bedsheets and propped himself as he leaned back to bait the trigger. His right hand kept his nose suffocated in his shirt, refusing to let any of his spray slip through. Sneezes followed one after the other, leaving both of you without time to think or breathe, “Hih-AEShuu! Hn’AHSCH! Ha’AYSH-ih!!”

Despite the thick cloth covering, his voice was still loud enough to make your ears hurt. You had only ever known him to be cool, calm, collected. Looking down upon your lover now, he was nearly unrecognizable. Though the fit had ended for now, his eyes stayed tightly shut as if he were still in the throes. His face had flushed rose-petal red, exhausted, embarrassed, or both. His gasps were labored yet fruitless, leaving him panting through his mouth. Never before had you witnessed such exertion on the man you thought so capable. If he was struggling, you felt intimidated by proxy. Your knees buckled at the thought. 

“You sure it’s not a cold? You sound pretty stuffed up.”

“I’b sure.”

Though he was undone, he was not uncertain. “Suppose you’re right…” you mused, “It is the middle of summer.”

He was not immune to summer colds, but Levi bit his tongue. One confession at a time.

Without the threat of contagion, you lowered yourself to the mattress and took a seat at his side. You wrapped your arm around his shoulders then combed your fingers from the base of his neck through his undercut, “Should we take it to the couch?”

Levi’s sniff lasted for a couple seconds, you could feel his muscles tense as his lungs endeavored. That was enough to answer. The back of his hand dwelled beneath his nose as he muttered, “Too late.”

“What do you mean?”

“Once I start, I can’t - heh - I… can’t…” Levi pinched his nose again, stifling into his shirt, “Heh’NGXT!!chu…”

He had turned from you sharply, but your side-to-side contact had been maintained. You felt the sneeze rip through him and scratched his back tenderly, “Can’t stop, huh?”

“Snnnnf… exactly.”

You had worked all day for this moment, but witnessing his pathetic struggle made you feel guilty for reaping it. You leaned your head on his shoulders and glanced up to him with doe eyes. Soft kisses on his rigid jawline, “Rain check?”

“No,” Levi asserted, “I’ll be fide, I just… heh’tchu!!” His shoulders scrunched steeply, then fell upon exhale, “It’s… just…” Irritation suddenly revived, Levi snapped forward and whipped his hand to his face, barely in time. “Ha’AEsh-ih!!”

Off the cuff of the sneeze, he growled with frustration, “Fuck…” can’t even finish a sentence. Having not yet regained his breath, though, the typical cut of his curse was significantly dulled. Normally, his swears chilled you to the bone. This time, you felt warm all over. 

[yandere-daze]

have you ever think about people who might be defending themselves not to reblog because they have a right to decide or something? this has been bugging my mind... no offense to anyone though, sorry, and love your works !

Rant incoming, just as a warning lol

But yes, obviously people have the right to decide if they want artists and writers to keep being motivated to post works on here for free or not.

As a writer myself, I just don´t understand the rationale behind it. There is literally zero reason not to reblog. It takes just as long as leaving a like and if you have zero patience to type out the tags then you don´t even have to necessarily to do that ( even if I will literally love you if you do!)

Likes do and mean nothing. They´re the equivalent of being left on reading after writing a long and heartfelt message.

Reblogs help our words getting spread around and actually show us that people care about our posts and want us to keep doing them.

But why have some people decided that they just refuse to do the thing the entire website is built around that would actually help their favorite blogs to stay motivated?

They have the choice not to reblog anything but it´s a selfish one and they better not complain when they get blocked or their favorite creators stop posting.

Just think about it: People ( me included) take hours out of their busy lives to write something and then post it because they want people to read and enjoy their works.

Writing sometimes takes hours of time and effort and it´s not always easy. If we were just going to do it for ourselves there would be no need to type out all of it out because the main fun part of the creative process to me is just daydreaming about an idea I had.

Actually putting it into words to tell a compelling story is tough and takes lots of patience. But we do it anyway because we want to share our ideas with other people, we want to talk about them with others. We want to ramble and fantasize about different scenarios. That´s fun.

It´s only natural to want at least some sort of feedback after spending so much time on something. And then it just hurts when people refuse to reblog your posts for ctually no reason at all, other than that they´re lazy or think a reblog is something super rare and special that only the "best" posts get to benefit from.

( Seriously, I don´t understand the sentiment of "Oh I really liked this but I didn´t like it enough to actually reblog and share it with other people. I don´t think the author should get any recognition. Oh but they better keep writing anyway and fast!")

At this point, rambling about ideas in a friend´s dms feels way more fulfilling. You guys have no idea of all the extensive rambles I went on with Korka that most likely will never see the light of day.

Why should I put in the effort and write it down to share with others when they can´t even bother to spend a single second to reblog it to show me that they appreciated what I wrote.

It makes no sense. Feedback and the back-and-forth with readers and fellow writers is what keeps us going. It´s super fun to get a conversation going about a cool idea you had! It´s not fun at all to see the notes on a post go up but no one saying anything. All that tells me is "huh, I guess people didn´t like this one. Guess I won´t post any of that anymore"

This complete lack of feedback from readers combined with work picking up is actually the main reason why I stopped writing for a few months. It didn´t feel rewarding anymore.

The recent yandere Alcryst post is actually one of the reasons why I started considering posting a bit more again. I was pleasantly surprised by all the nice tags and comments that one got and it made me smile every time I saw a new one pop up. I don´t care if it didn´t get as many notes as most twst works, I still felt way more satisfied and proud of it.

And that´s sort of where I come to the conclusion of this post:

Feedback matters, it really does! Likes tell us absolutely nothing, you could have downright hated it for all I know. But rest assured that I do screenshot every nice tag or comment I get, no matter if it´s actually a thought-out comprehensive analysis or just someone going "HJVJMVJM". I appreciate all of these so much. I save all of them in a little folder and look at them to cheer myself up when things might be tough.

So please, if you want your favorite blogs to continue then reblog! Maybe even leave a nice comment! Don´t forget that you get all of this stuff for free, creators are the ones keeping a community truly alive. You would probably be sad if your favorite writer or artist suddenly stopped posting due to a lack of support.

Please. Take that single second out of your life to hit the reblog button. It helps out more than you think and goes a long way to keep us motivated.

[let-it-show]

All The Love I Found In You 6/?

Heeeey so part 5 is right over here! So I actually thought I’d be near wrapped up by now but various parts come creeping in and well there’s more to go. Lol. This is another sickeningly sweet part lol sorry, but it’s nice cause the next part will definitely be heavier.... And not out til next week since I am going on a little trip in the next few days. SORRY. Anyway, Elsa does something for Anna...and makes a big decision. You’ll find part 7 HERE! Enjoy, and tag for @hellodemoiselle !

Pulling themselves out of the embrace to fix up and then leaving the room altogether was near impossible. Elsa decided she was going to stick with Anna the rest of the day. If she had to step away from her anytime soon she felt like she could spiral. That was certainly overdramatic and she knew it, especially since she was starting to grasp some understanding of her feelings.

No matter what she couldn't process being apart from her, which made her think even more  about leaving Ahtohallan.

If Kristoff was going then she definitely wasn't going to abandon Anna again.

Elsa found herself on Anna's arm as they walked into town once again, their heads close together. She felt strange, that with Anna she was also in a protective bubble and all the outside was muffled from her mind. Had she not known otherwise, she would have wondered if she were sleepily drunk.

Some heads turned toward them as they walked and Elsa could swear they were seeing a glow about them. Perhaps some individuals could sense it the way Menander could. Or maybe they were happy to see the sisters as excitement and celebrations were about the town. The party was for the castle and council, staff and such - bu citizens knew they were having a gathering with a kingdom they were peaceful with and that was always to be enjoyed.

The joy in the air only added to how Elsa felt.

She belonged there, in her home that was so warm and beautiful. The Northuldra were welcoming and treated her kindly. But Arendelle had something the forest was unable to imitate.

Either one of them, Elsa had the freedom to choose. She could be free anywhere she wanted and it felt like that thought just then clicked into place even as she had thought of it before.

They stopped outside a clothing shop, and Elsa was briefly able to pull herself away from Anna. That was because, for whatever reason, she felt compelled to get Anna a gift. Anna could have anything she wanted really. Everyone adored her. Still, Elsa felt like she had to do something, get that energy out.

Separating herself from Anna was difficult but once she was inside the shop she was distracted looking for something perfect, something that would really speak to her. Maybe something that spoke to them both was even better.

Initially nothing looked terribly promising, which wasn't a problem with the brightly lit little shop. The clothing was well made by a young woman named Svana. Elsa had met her many times as she had been to the castle to make various items for them. Her work was wonderful but Elsa had to be picky when it came to Anna.

She also made some accessories, and so Elsa drifted off to look at those. The few others shopping looked at her and she tried to meet their gazes with a smile, but she was preoccupied. A necklace with a sunflower? No...too basic. A special ribbon for her hair? That wasn't what she was looking for either. Bracelets, they were nice, but somehow none of them landed for her either.

Then something caught her eye.

Displayed on a little stand was a wooden pendant attached to two black cords braided together and into a necklace. Burnt into the wood was a symbol - two lines crossed with one line featuring two more perpendicular lines sprouting from it and turning the opposite direction of each other. It made what was almost a fully formed square at the center but with half of two sides missing.

Elsa knew what that was and she carefully removed the necklace to buy immediately.

She hurried to Svana with it, not even looking at others inside. It wasn't Anna-like but she didn't care. Svana was a petite white woman with long light brown hair that almost reached her hips. She kept it in a loose ponytail that Elsa imagined would drive her crazy. Svana had a pair of the kindest eyes Elsa had ever seen with a small button nose above a lopsided smile. That smile was offered to Elsa right away.

"Ah, Queen Anna!" Svana greeted her happily. "What a delight seeing you in here! It has been a little while since you stopped in."

"Oh...sorry," Elsa said as she took on a guilty smile. She wasn't sure how often Anna stopped in town to shop. They rarely went in when Elsa visited, preferring to do their own thing together.

Svana shook her head as she took the necklace. "No, no, you are often busy! We know you save free time for your lover or Elsa," she said. "Ah, you've made a wonderful choice here."

"Aha.." Elsa didn't know what to say. Anna's 'lover' who was no longer, how would people take that? "Yes, I certainly have."

"The bind rune for eternal love." Svana sighed. "Such a wonderful feeling. Is this for Kristoff? I almost feel as though he should be purchasing it for you!"

Awkward. "Ah, no, it is-it...it's for me." She nearly said it was for her sister. Normally she probably would have, but what was happening with Kristoff made her hold back for the time being. Elsa was strangely afraid if she said the wrong thing she would end up somehow divulging more than she should, and that information was Anna's to give.

Svana blinked. "Oh." Clearly she hadn't expected that. "How unusual for one to buy a token of love for themselves..."

"Yes well..." She laughed nervously and awkwardly which was at least accurate for Anna. "I like it for thinking about my...love. It reminds me of my love." That much was true even if she was improvising like crazy.

At that, Svana blinked again but her smile grew. "Ah, I see! Oh how interesting that is, I must admit I like it. Sometimes I forget we need our own chosen tokens to reflect our feelings."

"Yes." Elsa reached for money to pay but Svana waved it away.

"No charge for this, my Queen!"

"Oh! No, but I must, you know I don't like to-"

"Please consider it a gift! Today is such a beautiful spring day and there are good feelings all around. I can think of no other conditions under which to gift you with this. It will carry the happiness through to your heart, and make this pendant all the more joyous."

Elsa had been winding up to protest once again, but she stopped, mouth open, regarding what Svana had said. She didn't like to just take things from people and had been given many gifts as a Queen even as she had asked for it not to happen. It felt like too much. Elsa didn't want anyone giving her anything at their own expense; it was even almost embarrassing.

However...what Svana said struck her. It was a special day, and a special gesture. Anna deserved something with so much thought and festivity behind it as well as being from her heart. With that in mind, she decided to accept. "Alright Svana, you've convinced me," she said with a light laugh. She held out her hand as Svana gently slipped the necklace into a little wooden box. "Thank you very very much...I won't forget that you've done this for me," she told her and she meant it. They would have to do something special for the woman.

"Oh Queen Anna, it's an honor," Svana replied as a light brush settled on her cheeks. She placed the box gently in Elsa's hand. "Please enjoy the rest of the day, and I hope you will find a perfect place for this pendant so that you may gaze upon it often."

Elsa knew just the place. She thanked Svana and exited with the little box, seeing Anna was not immediately there. She wasn't far however - just across at a little stand Anna was entertaining a couple of little girls. Her hand spun in the air as she made a little snow duckling dance and do silly things as the kids laughed and tried to imitate it. They fell over each other in their attempts, but that only made them laugh harder.

Anna looked up as Elsa approached. There was an uncharacteristic big grin on her face but Elsa wouldn't be mentioning it. Her heart felt too full and too good to speak a word of criticism to Anna. She just watched her and the little snow duckling. Anna did so well with her powers, and entertaining those kids fit her so well.

"Well, looks like its time for me to keep going," Anna told them, and they gave super sad faces. "Nooo, don't do that..."

"Send them home with a snow duckling," Elsa suggested. Best idea ever? Probably not, but Elsa had indeed created over a hundred tiny snowmen she didn't have control of, so a snow duckling didn't seem like a big deal.

"Ah." Anna laughed. "Okay," she said, and gave the duckling's butt a little scooch with her hand. It peeped as a permafrost spread over it to keep it whole, and scuttled toward the kids who cheered.

And so, they were once again able to move on. "So uh, what did you get?" Anna asked after straightening up and taking Elsa's arm with her own again. Her eyes darted to the box several times. Elsa could feel the excitement radiating through her.

"Let's get to our clearing," she suggested, and Anna tugged her along immediately.

They were able to get there without too much interference. On the way a few more people stopped them, saying how happy they were for the festivities and inviting the Queen and her sister to their various gatherings should they want to leave the castle party. It wasn't totally outlandish - one time they had snuck out of a deathly boring 'ball' and had a better time joining Baggi and some of his friends for dinner. No one had even noticed they had left which was a sign of how terrible the royal gathering had been.

That one time was all it took though for the regular requests to come in.

So they were expected and Elsa thanked each and every individual. Maybe someday they would take up the offer again but too much was on their minds that day and surely that evening. They needed to discuss how to treat questions about Kristoff before the party too.

Elsa had to shrug it off for the time being.

Once they stepped into the clearing, the sunflower could be seen glittering once again. It was a welcome sight. "So, you'll show me now?" Anna asked with a giggle, stepping away from Elsa but holding her hand.

The breeze came and Elsa shivered. "Make us a little shelter," she suggested. "A little igloo?"

"Not a mini ice castle?" Anna teased.

"No." Elsa shook her head as she laughed. "No, I may still be cold in an ice castle. An igloo too, maybe but..." She remembered traveling with Anna over a year ago, and how their tent was destroyed. The result was cuddling each other in an igloo for the night and that warm memory pushed her.

"Igloos are cute." Anna turned away from her and spread her arms, palms out. The snow flowed from them in quick bursts, forming brick by brick. It took but a few moments for the bricks to build and form into a snug igloo, the entry watched over by the sunflower.

Then Anna turned back, took Elsa's hand, and dragged her inside excitedly. Elsa nearly tripped over her own feet in the rush.

Inside the igloo was actually very cozy. With no breeze, it was warmer after all. There wasn't much for light though. Anna seemed to notice immediately and she flicked one hand. Across from them and near the ceiling, a thin sheet of ice formed to give them a window and sparkling light.

Perfect.

"Well then..." Elsa turned the box over in her hand, suddenly feeling a little shy. Was it too much?

"Go on. I'll love it," Anna said gently and touched her arm.

Elsa knew that she was right, but still took a deep breath. Then she held up the box and gently opened it to reveal what was inside. "I-I want you to know-ah, always know how I feel for you. I want you to have a symbol of how we will always be. Always." She was getting tongue tied.

The box was open and Anna's gaze was drawn to it. She stared, and stared, and said nothing for a few seconds. Elsa got nervous...

And then Anna squealed. It was the first time Elsa had ever actually heard herself squeal and it was really weird...but in Anna language, it was a good thing! Her nerves began to disperse as solid thoughts, and a solid decision, came to be in her mind.

"This is-this is the bind rune for-"

"-for eternal love," Elsa finished for her, smiling gently. "This bond, this love between us, it's forever, Anna," she said in a soft voice. "It took a long time for me to actually realize that, and I'm sorry for that. All those years you spent on the other side of my closed door, your heart was so open and ready to understand, while mine wasn't. I've hurt you because I coudn't grasp all that was between us. Anna, I could spend this lifetime regretting it or I could spend it with you, being the soulmate you deserve."

"Elsa..." Anna barely whispered her name, such a difference from her squealing. "Oh Elsa! I...you...I would never want you to regret and I...probably didn't really understand just..."

"Do you like it?" Elsa interrupted.

"I love it!" Anna rocked on her feet for a moment before reaching for the necklace. "I love it...I love you, Elsa. And spending-wait. Do you mean you're going to stay...?"

Elsa nodded, and a split second later she was tackled into the side of the igloo by a tight hug around her torso, arms still out as she tried not to drop the box. It was thrilling and she let out a loud laugh of surprise as Anna embraced her repeating her name over and over and practically vibrating.

"Anna, cold! Side of igloo, cold!" Elsa managed between laughs. Even through her jubilation, she could feel that snowy chill and it was harsh.

"Oops!" Anna made quick work of spinning them around and dragging Elsa closer against her while they hugged against the wall. She nuzzled into the crook of Elsa's shoulder and Elsa rested her head against her sister's.

All was well, until she heard a sniffle. Instantly Elsa took a step back and raised Anna's chin with her finger. "Anna?"

Elsa was met with her face full of tears, but a wide happy smile. "T-tears of happiness Elsa, tears of happiness...here.." She took the little box from Elsa to tuck into a pocket on her dress - Elsa missed being able to create pockets on her clothing - before touching Elsa's arm to turn her.

"What are you...?" Elsa asked as she felt Anna pulling her down.

"Just go with it," Anna told her and down she sat, settling against the igloo and holding Elsa's back to her chest as she sat her between her legs. Anna buried her face against her neck with a happy sigh and squeezed her in her firm grip. She continued to sniffle and Elsa could feel the little tremors through her body.

Despite being fully aware it was happy crying, Elsa still had to fight down anxiety. Hearing and seeing Anna cry always put her on high alert. She was always ready to protect her. With Anna holding her she was able to relax within a couple of minutes.

Once she did, she could really feel the warmth from Anna, and the slight cold on her butt from being on the ground. At least the cape bunching beneath her helped out there. "You're really okay?" she asked quietly.

"Very," came Anna's answer, a little broken from her crying. "You're going to stay. I won't lose you again...will-will I?"

"No, no." Elsa knew she shouldn't speak for the future. She just couldn't see anything that would pull her apart from Anna again. If she had to do something alone, she didn't want to do it, or she would return quickly. She was unwilling to be without her. "I still want to watch some memories at Ahtohallan, I still want to visit the forest but I'll take you with me. I'll show you everything, instead of leaving you alone in the dark." The words flowed out of her mouth without her even thinking about it.

"Show me everything," Anna echoed and hugged her tighter. "Take me with you."

For a while they sat in silence. Anna's sniffling tapered off as she gained some control of herself and Elsa allowed herself to simply take in the moment, her hands resting on Anna's. The icy window drew her attention and she looked up at it in thought. It had always been hard to know when she made the right decision but throughout the recent years she had moments of clarity.

From Anna's sacrifice to save her, telling her she belonged in Arendelle and was not a monster, to chasing the voice of the north wind to Ahtohallan to accept her importance in the world and why she existed, there were those moments where she felt secure. Those moments when she felt the surge of hope and confidence in what she was going to do were so big there could be no question. Sunlight danced on the ice and broke up as it passed through to light on her face. Assurance was what she felt.

"Anna," she finally said and breaking the silence felt criminal. "Anna, you should put on the necklace," she urged.

For a few seconds there was no response. Had she fallen asleep!? And then... "Oh." Anna shifted against her. "But I don't want to move. I'm so happy."

"Me too." She couldn't argue with that, so she decided not to.

Luckily Anna said more. "We do have to go back soon, for supper before the party..it will be fun I guess. I hope you can mostly dance with me."

That's right. She, as queen, would likely end up dancing with Menander and a couple of others just to be friendly and show kindness with the other kingdom, even if everyone was under the impression she was engaged to Kristoff. Ah, Kristoff...she would have to dance with him for appearances and that was going to be awkward. Elsa wasn't feeling too good about that so she didn't bring it up. "I hope so too," she responded.

She felt Anna shifting behind her as she let go of Elsa. She didn't get up though and Elsa didn't move. Unless Anna prompted her to, she was happy to stay down. It mattered little that her rear was getting quite numb. Anna shuffled a little more and then her hands went around Elsa's shoulders with the necklace.

"Anna, I should be putting this on you!" she said as she angled her head to look at her briefly.

"It is going on 'me', silly! When we're back to normal I'll be wearing it. And I like putting it on you while your soul is in there. This bind rune is about both of us."

"I got it for you."

"I know that." Anna fastened the necklace and then touched the pendant where it rested just below her neck. "And I'm putting it on you and I at the same time. Both of us. ...It works okay!?" she finally said with a huff.

"Okay okay!" Elsa laughed. She followed Anna's train of thought and it was very sweet. "Ah, I adore you Anna," she said with a shake of her head and fond smile.

"Lucky me!" Anna replied. "Hey. Um..." Her voice had suddenly changed and Elsa could practically hear the blush. "Will you turn your head again and...I want to kiss you."

Elsa obliged, no urge to comment. Oh, how she loved kissing Anna! Elsa had never thought of herself kissing anyone at all, with her disinterest in any romance. It hadn't bothered her to think she'd never experience it. With Anna the idea of never kissing her again made her heart drop. It was their way to feel and show their love and it was addictive.

Anna's lips met hers right away and Elsa reached up to cradle her head in her arm as her eyes closed. She had much to do, but perhaps they would just stay in the igloo forever instead.

Unfortunately, they couldn't do that. Once more they had to force themselves to release one another, to stand up and exit the igloo. Outside they were met with the snowy outlines of snowmen dancing with each other just above the ground. They twirled together with little stick hands out, then drew close and embraced as they slid in little loops. They continued their fun as the girls walked away.

Elsa couldn't believe the feeling that had so quickly taken her over! She knew it was love, everything that compelled her had been born from love, but she wondered if that was also what falling in love felt like. She'd loved Anna for a long time but as they were sisters much of that was natural. Love grew more as she opened her heart to Anna, then even more as they bled into soulmates.

Where did romance fit in there? Was it romance?

Was it even something she should seek to define?

Perhaps not, she thought as she clutched Anna's hand on the way back to the castle. Her mind seemed to always search, always want to form things into answers she could grasp and make sense of. It'd been that way for so long. Being isolated to her room made her want to learn why she was the way she was and sometimes that came back around to hit her hard. She just had to wave it away and focus on Anna.

Soon enough she couldn't even dwell on that. The castle was already bursting with merriment when they entered. Elsa knew they were incredibly late for  opening the doors to the civilians and entertaining issues but luckily no one seemed to care.

The reason why was easy to see - nearly everyone in the courtyard on the way in right on to the Great Hall, was holding a glass or two of wine. People who had come in seeking the queen, who weren't any kind of royal or kitchen staff? They had wine too.

"Oh dear he started early," Elsa said with a nervous chuckle. Menander usually waited until after supper. Supper! What was he thinking, no one had even eaten!

Anna had a look of horror on her face. "No no no what is he doing! This isn't a party open to everyone who happens to wander in! There's-oh my god what if someone spills drink all over one of the ambassadors and everyone thinks a drunken free for all happened here in Arendelle?"

Elsa nodded, biting her lower lip in worry. The place was festive, nicely decorated with green, gold and purple streamers across the ceiling and hanging decorations featuring the crocus.  Flowers that had been grown in the palace were perched by the windows that were letting light flood in. The chatter was loud but there was a lot of laughter too...

If the afternoon stayed like that as it bled into the evening, then there was hope it would not get too out of control. Menander was good at commanding a party. If he could just steer it in a direction that wasn't utterly chaotic then it would be alright. Elsa wasn't ready to put all her trust in him for that but maybe she had to.

That was when Anna tugged on her sleeve and motioned toward a very long table holding several bowls of some kind of drink. Was it wine? Was it liquors? Elsa had absolutely no idea yet and she wasn't going to drink it all to find out. "Oh Anna," she hissed.

"I know," Anna replied. They exchanged glances and both were nervous.

Regardless, they wandered into the crowd. They were in for an interesting evening indeed.

[cordoniasmost]

As the World Burns - Part 4

Story: Blood Bound

Pairing: MC (Amy) x Adrian x Jax x Dracula x ? (it’s basically a clown car up in here, y’all!)

Warnings: Language, violence, sexual innuendo/discussions, pregnancy, date rape

Word Count: 2449

Find Part 3 Here

A/N: When I stumbled on the theory about MC being pregnant as the reason for the “darkness within” line from yesterday’s chapter of BloodBound (Book 2, chapter 14), I had to write something super dramatic and funny (read: ridiculous) because what’s life without a little whimsy? Haha :)  This series is going to be 3-4 parts.  Enjoy! (This really went off the rails... sorry not sorry! lol)

Tag List: @furiouscloddonutpeanut @averysheart-raleighsdick @kingliamsbish @dr-brianna-casey-valentine @angrypainterfarmopera @maiajaychoices @desiree-0816 @mrsagentbreakdance

Amy wasn’t surprised she’d gotten Drac to agree to go on this ridiculous spectacle people called a TV show. What has my life become?  Neither Adrian or Jax were happy about the idea of doing this, both of them much preferred keeping their private business, well, private. When she’d reached out to Drac to explain the situation, as she’d predicted he was less than enthusiastic about doing anything to make her life easier.

Also as she’d predicted, he was more than willing to donate his DNA once he’d heard it would be a televised event. She’d just conveniently forgotten to mention that this particular TV show aired on daytime cable TV and was watched mostly by bored housewives. I guess that plays right to his target audience, though. Huh. 

She found herself now backstage amid the hustle and bustle of preparing to film this monstrosity.  Amy had been binging past episodes of this show to prepare herself for what to expect and she was pretty horrified at what she was about to go through, but it was more important to her to know what she’d be dealing with father-wise when it came to her baby than she was worried about her pride.

“We don’t have to do this, Ames,” Jax said, watching her wearily. “We really, really don’t have to do this.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Yes, we do. I need to find out and this is the only way to be sure. It’ll be over quick and by the end of today we’ll know.”

Adrian was pacing the room, not looking at either of them and not speaking. “Adrian? Are you okay?” Amy asked hesitantly. 

He ran a hand through his hair, sighing loudly. “Not really. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

She could relate to how he was feeling. She couldn’t believe she was doing this, either.

“I know, but thank you,” she said, standing and wrapping her arms around his waist. “I know this is basically the worst possibly way any of us could imagine to do this, but hopefully no one will see it and we’ll get the answers we need.”

He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “Hopefully.”

**

The bright studio lights were hotter than she’d expected and Amy found herself sweating her makeup off. She tried to believe that despite the high definition TV cameras projecting this shit show all over the country, they wouldn’t somehow catch the beads of sweat on her forehead or the trickle running down her throat. 

She rested her hand on the swell of her belly, rubbing gently this new life she’d created. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d found out and her pregnancy was progressing more quickly than a typical one would. She felt better, though, and she was thankful for that now as her stomach rolled with nerves. Not that many people watch this circus, do they? 

To her left sat Jax and to her right, Adrian. To Adrian’s right was Drac looking just as eccentric as ever with a black sheer lace bell sleeve top and leather pants. He had his long hair loose and wavy and about 100 chain necklaces around his neck. Seeing him under these bright lights, she couldn’t imagine what the fuck had gone through her mind when she’d let him fuck her against the ceiling. The fact she was revealing this fact to the entire country disturbed her on a level she wasn’t ready to deal with at this point. She swallowed and buried those thoughts deep, deep down inside, slamming the lid on that particular horror. 

She’d process it later, or maybe never, she thought.

Amy brought her attention back to the host. Maury Povich. The man had been profiting off of other people’s ridiculous drama for years and he was damn good at it. He had become famous for his lines, “You are NOT the father!” and, “The lie detector test determined THAT was a lie!” He smiled warmly as if he truly cared about them and Amy decided that was where his true power existed. The fact he could get people to let their guard down and believe that he cared about their best interest, almost like a friend.

It was the beginning of their segment and the four of them had made their way to the stage, none of them speaking to Drac either backstage or on their way out. None of them had anything to say to each other and Amy couldn’t imagine what it would be like for her if this was his baby. Adrian, Jax and she had discussed what would happen if that was the case and they decided they’d do everything they could to get him to agree to them keeping and raising the baby as theirs. None of them wanted him involved and, based on his lifestyle, none of them believed he’d want anything to do with a baby.

After all, he had only agreed to this whole thing because of the TV cameras and chance at publicity.

Maury was interviewing Drac now, asking him about what had happened between them and whether or not he was interested in being a father.  All four of them had agreed to not discussing the whole vampire part of the equation in this circus. Vampires weren’t exactly out in the open officially and no one needed to know that part, so when Amy heard Dracula begin to talk about centuries of living without being able to have a family, she felt a jolt of panic before she felt Adrian slam his foot down subtly on Drac’s.

Drac winced before finally realizing what he was saying, correcting his statement to “feeling” like it had been centuries. Amy exhaled loudly. This was going to be worse than she thought, and had known it’d be bad.

Maury smiled at her. “So, Amy,” he began. “We have a bit of an unusual situation with you. We usually don’t do these tests until the baby is actually born, but your story was so compelling we had to have you on the show. Let me just make sure we’re all clear on what’s happening.”

She swallowed, shifting nervously in her seat, her hands clinging on one side to Jax and on the other Adrian.  She nodded, taking a breath before speaking. “We’re in a relationship, but it’s open. We love each other and are honest with each other, but I thought I couldn’t have children,” she said, changing the story slightly so no one would question them too closely.  

“I have been sexually… adventurous, and suddenly found myself pregnant.  We’re hoping it’s either Jax’s or Adrian’s, but there’s a chance it belongs to Drac.”

She heard the crowd oooh and aaaah at her expense and her gaze fell to the floor. What am I doing? “And Jax, do you hope the baby is yours?” Maury asked, turning his questioning eyes on the man to her left. 

Jax cleared his throat. “Of course. I mean, it’s not something I ever imagined I wanted, but now that there’s a possibility it’s kind of exciting. The idea of it at least,” he said honestly, squeezing her hand.  

“How about you, Adrian?” he turned to the man on her right.

“Of course, I feel similarly to Jax.” Adrian wasn’t wanting to give much away in this whole process and she couldn’t blame him. Maury frowned slightly before regaining his composure. 

“And you, Drac? Who’s baby do you think it is?” Maury’s eyes were sparkling with excitement. He knew Drac would give him a good sound bite. 

“Oh, this baby is definitely not mine. There’s no way. I’ve had sex with hundreds, maybe even thousands of women in my time and never once gotten one pregnant. There’s not even a chance this baby belongs to me. I don’t even know why I’m here,” he finished, winking at the audience. 

They laughed and booed him simultaneously which made Amy want to put her hands over her ears. The audience felt like they were out for blood and the producers only encouraged the reactions from behind the cameras. This whole spectacle repulsed her, and yet… here she was.

Maury turned toward the audience. “Well, we’re gonna find out right now,” he said, pulling out a manila envelope. “Are you ready?” he turned to them, making eye contact with each one individually as they nodded their agreement. Amy felt her heart race, her stomach was in knots. Here we go, she thought. She hoped everything wouldn’t change for her after these results. If the baby was Jax’s or Adrian’s, everything would be fine. If not, well, she’d think about that later.

“Let’s start with Jax. In the case of Amy’s unborn baby, Jax you are NOT the father.” Fuck. The crowd jeered and cheered, and Jax squeezed her hand, leaning over to whisper in her ear. “It’s going to be okay, Ames.” She squeezed his hand back, giving him a small, nervous smile. 

“Adrian, you are NOT the father!” Double fuck. That could only mean one thing… Amy felt like throwing up.

Maury’s eyes were dancing with joy as he hesitated for dramatic effect. “Drac, you are NOT the father!”  Drac was making a big show of standing up, arms spread wide, a huge grin on his face. “I told you! I told you!” he was declaring over and over again to wild cheers from the crowd. She wanted to break the wooden chair he had vacated and stake him through the heart, but she refrained. We can’t have the whole world find out about vampires that way, she tried to convince herself. 

Wait, what?  Adrian and Jax exchanged a look over her head and she wanted to die. How could none of them be the father? She thought back and couldn’t figure it out. Had something happened during one of the nights she’d drunk too much and not remembered anything? She supposed it was possible. But… who?

“There’s someone else who thinks he’s the father of Amy’s baby and he’s here to prove he’s right. After the break, we reveal the test results!” Maury announced before the cameras went dark for a quick break. Maury didn’t say anything to them, just walked off the set for a retouch on his makeup. Drac grins. “Well this has been fun so far. Who do you think’s coming out next?” he asked them, a wide smile on his face. 

“What the fuck, Drac? Just shut up and go over there,” Jax said, pointing his finger in a direction away from them and where they still sat. Adrian had pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “I don’t know what to say, Amy. I’m in shock right now. I guess I didn’t realize how much I had been actually hoping the baby would be mine,” he said wistfully. “But no matter what, we’ll get through this.”

“He’s right, Ames. This still doesn’t change anything. No matter what, we’re raising this baby together,” Jax finished, bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. 

“I love you both,” she told them, and they both smiled at her softly. “But who do you think this other person is? It’s strange I don’t remember anything and that the producers didn’t mention anything either. I don’t like it and it doesn’t feel right,” she said, worry furrowing her brow. 

“I don’t like it either, but there’s nothing we can do about it now except wait and see,” Adrian said.

Jax’s eyes wandered toward the back of the stage where he’d told her he stashed his sword before the show began taping. “Agreed.”

She sighed, shoving the despair she felt at the idea of this baby not belonging to either of the men she loved deep down with everything else and slamming the lid on it. I’ll deal with those feelings later. 

The producers were hyping the audience up again when Maury came strolling out, smiling at them wickedly, the huge secret he knew was eating them alive bringing him joy. The asshole. 

The lights came back up and the cameras turned on. The audience cheered. “We’re back with Amy, Jax, Adrian, and Drac. We just learned that these three aren’t the father of Amy’s unborn baby, but there’s a fourth man who claims he knows the baby belongs to him and he’s here to prove it. We submitted his DNA and have the results in, but first let’s meet him.  Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Gaius!”

Adrian and Jax’s heads both whipped around, frantically searching for the man they’d been hunting practically non-stop for weeks. Adrian whispered in her ear, “You slept with Gaius?” 

“What? No! Of course not. At least… I don’t think so?” she said, suddenly not so sure. She’d been unconscious when Jameson and Gaius had kept her prisoner, but it certainly wasn’t something she did willingly. “If it happened, it was when they held me captive and I don’t remember it,” she said sadly, hoping that wasn’t the case.

She suddenly felt extremely violated at the situation but she wouldn’t put it past the villain. She glared at him fiercely as she watched him walk onto the stage to boos and cheers from the audience. 

He made a show of waving and bowing at the audience before confidently taking the chair next to Jax. Amy gripped Jax’s hand tightly, feeling like if she loosened her grip at all Jax would retrieve his sword and try and behead Gaius right there on studio recorded TV. Maury would get the show of his life. She almost giggled out loud at the absurdity of this entire situation. 

“Gaius, everyone on stage looks surprised to see you. What makes you so sure you’re the father of Amy’s unborn child?”

All eyes in the room lock on Gauis, waiting with bated breath to hear his response. “I have a… feeling of sorts that she was fertile when we engaged in our lovemaking,” he said with a smile as if he were talking about the weather. Oh, my god, Amy thought, wanting to crawl under her chair. 

“What does that mean?” Maury pressed.

Gaius shrugged. “Just call it a sixth sense of sorts,” he said with a wink.

“Okay, then. Shall we get to the results?” Maury asked as the audience cheered loudly.

“In the case of Amy’s unborn child, Gaius…” he drew out the pause for dramatic effect. The crowd grew silent. Amy felt like she could hear a pin drop if her own pulse hadn’t been wooshing loudly in her ears.

“You ARE the father!”

[death2thevirgin]

Country Strong pt 2

Tomorrow

Summary: After exploring what each other feel and maintaining a long distance relationship, what happens when Dean pulls away?

Characters: Y/N, Dean, Sam

Word Count: 2,900

Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff, Smut (Oral FR, Unprotected Sex), Cannon like Violence.

A/N:  So i’ve decided this will be my smut series lol. I go through phases of the the type of music I like and right now its country, so when this song came on I couldn’t stop this fic from bouncing around my head.  In my mind this take place sometime in season 2 or 3 of the show. This will be a three part mini series and this part is based on this song. Each part will have a different country song it is based on.  I tagged based off this list right here so if you would like to be added you can add yourself.  As always feedback is always appreciated =)

**Sorry my Smut writing is so awful, I’m still kind of new to this.**

Read Part 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Dean left he took a part of your heart with him, you wouldn't tell him that of course.  You threw yourself into school and work trying not to dwell on the amazing week you spent with the emerald eyed, bow legged hunter. It worked for a few months until you received a call from and unknown number. 

You usually wouldn't answer a call from an unknown number but something compelled you to. "Hello" there was nothing but silence on the other end. "Dean is it you?" You hoped it was him, you did give him your number hoping he would call.

His rough laugh brings a smile to your face. "Hey sweetheart, how are you?" You can hear something off in his voice.

 Your heart psychically aches to touch him. "I don't wanna talk about me, what's going on you sound upset?" 

"I should have known I couldn't hide anything from you." You could swear you heard his voice break a little. "Uh- there a lot going on, I'm worried about Sam."

"Tell me about it."  You push him wanting him to open up... your relationship with him was mostly psychical but you knew it could be more, if he only opened up to you.

Dean goes on to tell you about Sam and how the demon he was hunting, the one that killed his mother was after him. He told you how he was building an army and poisoned Sam as a baby with his blood giving him visions. He told you about the other people like Sam and he told you how scared he was to loose his brother.

"Y/N/N are you still there?" He noticing you haven't said anything in a while. 

"Yea baby I'm here, just a lot to wrap my head around. Vampires were one thing but Demons? That is crazy." You didn't understand if there were these things out there how people didn't know about them. 

You talk to Dean all night falling asleep while still on the phone with him. When you wake up you are saddened to see he hung up at some point during the call. You think about everything he told you and wonder if you dreamt him saying "I love you" you had to, he didn't really say that. A knock on your apartment door draws you from your thoughts.  You look at the clock, 8:35 am, who would be here this early? 

You look through the peephole and see him, you have to be dreaming still. What is he doing here? You pinch yourself, nope not dreaming. You practically throw open the door and jump into his arms. He holds you for a moment and buries his face into your neck breathing deeply. "What are you doing here?" You say before kissing him deeply.

“After talking to you on the phone, I had to see you… I tried to not care.  I tried to not get involved with a relationship but I can’t stop thinking about you. It may be selfish of me and I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you but I can not live without you.”  Still holding you Dean walks through your door, closing it with a kick behind him.  He pushes you against the wall.  “I can’t live with out you Y/N” then he kisses you, he kisses you hard.  His kiss is demanding, like if he stopped kissing you he would die.  

Dean moves the two of you to your bedroom placing you down on the foot of the bed.  He moves quickly ridding himself of his shirt.  You lean forward placing soft kisses across his abs causing him to let out a low growl.  You follow suit and remove your tank top, Dean is pleasantly surprised to see you aren’t wearing a bra. Dean removes his jeans, leaving him in just his boxers. You kneel on the bed in just your panties, reaching up and placing your arms around his neck kissing him deeply. 

As the two of you kiss Dean traces patterns of the small of your back.  He pushes you back gently running kisses down your neck.  The kisses don’t stop when he reaches your collar bone, he continues down towards your breast stopping and giving your nipple a little nibble.  He doesn’t stop long, continuing down past your navel and only stopping once he reaches the top of your underwear.  The sensations he made you feel were like no other, he was the only man you’ve been with that could do this to you.  Your body yearned for his touch, your core ached for him. 

He places each hands on either side of your underwear gently pulling them off.  He looks up to you making eye contact as he kisses your folds. You let a soft moan, Dean starts to flick his tongue at your clit. He doesn’t stop eye contact while he goes to work.  The things this man could do with his tongue he had you screaming out in pleasure in mere minutes.  This time when he gets up his boxer are off, he makes his up to you kissing you on the lips.  You could still taste yourself, he lets out a moan.  He spreads your legs wider, aligning himself with your entrance.  You run your hands across his chest as he pushes into you.  You lean in almost laying completely on top of you.  You never felt this connected to another person your whole life, his pace is soft and gentle.  He is being so gentle; like he could break you.  As you feel your second orgasm creeping up Dean grabs your hips quickening his pace a bit.  On his last thrust you both come undone, he is kissing your shoulder as he empties himself inside you. 

The two of you lay there coming off your high together, his strong arms wrapped around you.  You don’t know how long you are laying there before he speaks.  “I can’t stay long, Sammy is a state over working a case and I’ll have to get back to help him.” 

You can feel the sadness like a weight on your chest, you knew he couldn’t stay but it doesn’t hurt any less. “I understand.”

“Hey… don’t do that.” Dean commands but not in a malice way. “Don’t be sad, when this case is over I’ll come right back and see you.”  Dean tilts your head up placing a kiss on your lips. “I love you Y/N. I said it last night but I knew you already fell asleep and in case anything happens on this hunt I want you to know.” 

Your heart rate quickens to a pace you were unaware it could.  You thought that was just a dream but it wasn’t.  “I love you too Dean.” You kiss him again. “I know this will be difficult but I know you deserve to be happy and I know we can make it work.” You knew it wasn’t going to be a normal relationship but you also knew he was worth it.  He is worth any struggle his line of work or distance could throw you way.  

You spend the rest of the day lounging around with Dean but when night falls you know he has to leave.  “I promise as soon as this case is over I’ll be back.” He promises you as he kisses you goodbye. 

“I will hold you to that Winchester.” You retort.

The week Dean was gone on his case felt like it would never end.  He called you nightly and that helped but it was nothing like having him here with you.  When you headed into work that night you were already in a bad mood because you knew you’d miss your nightly call from Dean.  When you got there your mood only worsened.  It looked like every sorority girl from the college was there.  Great lousy tips from girls who would want crazy cocktails was all you could think about. 

You were elbows deep in skinny cocktails when you felt the room shift, so to speak.  You look up at the door and see him, it was like your body knew he was there.  A smile spread across your face as he and Sam walk up to the bar.  “What are you doing here?” 

He smiles and leans over the bar kissing your cheek. “We finished the case earlier than we thought.”

If you smiled any more your cheeks would hurt for a week. “Hi Sam good to see you again.  Why don’t you two grab a seat I’ll be off in an hour.” The boys listen to you and grab a seat at the end of the bar and you send two beers their way.  Focusing back on your work, you continue making cocktails.  It isn’t until your almost finished for the night that you are able to look at Dean again.  Sam isn’t there and some blonde took his seat.  She is laughing and running her hand over his arm.  You aren’t surprised so girl is throwing herself all over him, he looks like a god.  What does surprise you though is he isn’t stopping her, instead he is smiling and laugh right along with her.  You think about yelling and causing a scene but why would you? Dean and you haven’t talked about what you actually are to each other yet, maybe you’re just two people who have amazing sex and tell each other I love you. 

You turn away and finish your side work, when you are down you see Sam has rejoined Dean and they are deep in conversation.  You make your way over catching the tail end “Dean you’re going over to Y/N’s place let me just take the impala.”

“Not gonna happen Sammy.” Dean just shakes his head.

“It’s Sam and you are being unreasonable.” Sam argues

“He is right babe, we can just ride over to my place together, plus the ride would be a lot more fun just the two of us.” You wink for good measure.

Dean looks defeated and hands the keys over to Sam. “I swear to god, one scratch and I’ll kill you.”

The ride back to your place was silent, not the normal silent, it was eerie and you knew something was up with Dean. It isn’t until you are sitting with him on the couch and he hasn’t spoken a word until you speak up. “So you wanna tell me what’s up?” He shakes his head no and runs a hand over his face. “C’mon Dean you can tell me anything… was it the hunt?”

He lets out a deep sigh before he turns to you. He tells you what he and Sam were hunting, something called a Djinn.  He tells you what they are and what they can do.  “He had me in this world, where our mom never died and we never became hunters.  Sam was engaged to Jess and he was happy.  We weren’t close but he was happy… I was too.” Your heart drops, this is where he is going to tell you he was in love with some bomb shell. “I was with you and we were happy… I had a choice to make.  I could fight and win or stay there and be happy with you, or at least that version of you.” This was way worse then what you thought.  You could see the pain physically written on his face 

It broke your heart; it broke you heart that he had to live this life. That he may never know anything else but pain and loss.  “What made you choice to fight?” 

He makes eye contact with you for the first time since he started his story. “It wasn’t you, I mean it was but it wasn’t.” He doesn’t need to explain you understand what he means.  You close the distance between the two of you kissing him softly. No more words left to share you wrap your arms around his waist cuddling into him and he wraps his arms over you.  That night you just laid there holding each other, there wasn’t any sex but it was perfect.  That night you fell a little more in love with Dean.  You couldn’t imagine the strength he must possess to do what he does. 

Weeks go by and Dean comes every chance he can, visiting you even if it just for the night.  As time goes on and things get more serious, he visits become less frequent as do his phone calls.  You try to not let it bother you, always trying to be understanding.  You tell yourself he isn’t distancing himself from you, that he is just busy.  As you get ready for bed your phone rings his familiar ring tone.  You greet each other and you don’t know why but you can tell something is up.  “Dean, baby, what’s going on?” He tells you things with Sam are getting worse and they already lost people they care about.  He tells you about Sam getting kidnapped, he tells you how the found him in this abandoned town were Azazel put all the physic children.  He tells you that he made them kill each other and that Sam was stabbed, but he was going to be ok.  Dean’s voice changed a little at the end and you wondered if he was lying to you, but you told yourself he wouldn’t do that. 

He tells you he has been sitting outside your apartment since you got home, trying to leave and never return but he can’t.  “Dean you’re scary me, why don’t you just come up and we can talk.” When he doesn’t answer you can feel the tears start to form. “Please Dean.”

He does what you ask hanging up the phone and knocking on your door.  When you open the door he notices you are crying and wraps you in his strong arms.  “We killed him.” You know exactly who he means. “We killed that son of a bitch.”

You pull away looking him in the eyes but he is closed off, kind of like he shut down.  For some reason this doesn’t feel like a celebratory visit, this feel like good bye.  “That’s a good thing right?  You won, but if you won why does this feel like goodbye Dean?” 

“You know we’re like fire and gasoline, I’m no good for you. I put you in danger every time I’m near you. Your no good for me, you make me weak… you distract me from what I’m suppose to be doing.” He words feel like daggers to your heart.  Sure you’ve only know Dean Winchester for six months but you were in love with him.  You knew his soul, the two of you have a bond like no other and you know there is a reason he is saying this. 

“Dean… you don’t mean this.” Your tears are falling freely.

“I’m gonna leave here, I’m gonna let you go and walk away like I always should.” He steps back giving you space.  With out him holding you feel like you might fall apart.  “I’m gonna listen to that voice of reason inside my head telling me we’re no good.” 

Your body starts to shake as you sob. “Dean… please don’t.” Up until now Dean was able to stay strong but seeing you thins way broke his heart.  His steps closer to you wrapping you in his arms and carrying you to your bed.  He just holds you are you cry and beg him not to do this.  Hours pass before your last tear falls.  You look up at Dean questioningly, you don’t understand why he was pulling away.  What did you do?  What can you do to stop this? You reach around your neck, removing your grandmother’s locket. “She held my grandfathers picture in here and when she gave it to me she told me to only put the picture of the man that held my heart in here.  I want you to have it.” Your voice is dry and scratchy. 

Dean takes the locket turning it in his hands, he places it in his front pocket.  He is slowly loosing his resolve to say goodbye to you. “Tomorrow ill be stronger, I’m not gonna break down and call you when my heart calls out for you. But tonight I’m gonna give in one last time, rock you strong in these arms of mine and forget all the regrets that are bound to follow.” You hold you tight again as you begin to cry again. 

You fell asleep that night in Dean’s arms, no idea why he flipped so quickly.  You know after the Djinn he got more freaked out about his lifestyle.  You know that something had to go wrong on the last hunt that lead to this.  When you wake up Dean is gone no note, almost like he was never there. His words replay in your head “We’re like fire and gasoline… I’m no good for you, you’re no good for me.”

Dean drives away from your apartment knowing what he did was right.  You didn’t need to know Sam died and you didn’t need to know what he did to save him.  You also didn’t deserve to loose him in a year to some violent death because a demon came to collect his debt.

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