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mariaiscrafting · 3 years ago

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ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues. My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way. Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand. Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

#ive been writing this on and off since 830 am est SHEESH #dreamwastaken #dream critical #eh i think im relatively lenient of him here given my past posts ab him #but still just in case the blacklist tags for yalls convenience:#discourse #/neg #asks #long post #long posts #this a LONG one bois #morango

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frecklef0x · 4 years ago

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Mass Effect 1: Playthrough Masterpost

At last, I have finished Mass Effect 1!

I have heard some mutuals say they wish they could play it again for the first time, and you kind of can--through me! I’ve been posting little “episodes” of live-tweet-stream-of-consciousness as I play, and now I’ve compiled them into one post to make my life easier.

Anyway, here’s the first one, the rest are under the cut. :)

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode one

My ass looks great in this uniform, first of all

Impaled robo zombies, yikes

Cheap shot, Saren, smh. How will I pass my spectre test now?!

Why does he have robot eyes? Is he like, Geth-Turian? Why? Is he a robo zombie also? Was it the beacon???

Cool beacon nightmares, I'm sure this is fine

This Kaiden guy has implants? ORTEGA?!??!?

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor" lol obliterated

The citadel elevators are very realistic, five minutes of tense silence huh

Ya girl got a PROMOTION and a DOPE SQUAD time to catch a TRAITOR

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode two

First things first, gotta go find the blue scientist to join the gang

This galaxy is HUGE! How many of these places will I actually be able to go?!

Only two friends at a time????? D:

Ah, a distress signal, let's see wha--A DESERT CENTIPEDE NOPE ABORT ABORT

Robo aliens? In MY Theronian mining facility? Its more likely than you think

Running over dudes in my Mako is extremely satisfying tbh

*runs over geth troopers* *runs over geth armature* *runs over geth colossus* ... *backs over geth colossus*

Working elevators in the ancient ruins ✔

Oooooooh man hope this nerd is gay

Wrex, a friend of yours? Nope, not a friend, too murdery

"ShAaaAame about the ruins Shep, sOooOo much collatoral damage, SHEP" stfu Council, "ruthless" was in the resume when you promoted us, 10/10 would shoot lasers through archeological digs again

When Kaiden calls us "ma'am" I am, uh, into it

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode three

Time to talk to the gang! Gotta meet the fam proper

Oh dear seems we got a shmee of racism on board, compatriots

Wow Raina, good foot-in-mouth moment with Wrex there huh...sorry about the eventual extinction of your race, lost this round of Pain Olympics

OH SHIT OH SHIT BLUE HOTTIE BIGENDER? THIS IS NOT A DRILL???

“hi I’m Kaiden wanna hear about my last crush ;)” “hi I’m Liara wanna hear about Asari mating rituals? ;)))” damn we really slidin right into the DMs no chill

Garrus: fuck rules and red tape amiright Raina: oh u right ;)

Guess I’ll actually do a mission now LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

Honestly rolling out with Tali and Liara is a mood, squad goals

Raina @ every corporation on Noveria: I would sell you to satan for one(1) corn chip

This reactivation puzzle is some shit

I see some Mistakes were made

We already killing moms at this stage damn BioWare

FUCK FUCK BENEZIA KILLED ME AND I LOST A FUCKTON OF PLAYTIME

THERES LIKE NO AUTOSAVE IN THIS BITCH FUUUUUUUUU

fuck fuck fuck god damn it gotta shoot a bunch of deranged baby bug people again god DAMN IT

Okay we killed Liara’s mom in front of her hope that’s fine

And we let mama bug go free because after talking to Wrex, Raina’s like “this galaxy is a little trigger happy with the genocide, good luck out there bug mama ❤️ be cool please”

I have literally watched the scientist in the hot labs get killed three times now

So far the debreifs with the council have not gone very well

“You let bug mama go?! How many generations until they take over everything???” “My money’s on two :D Place your bets now assholes or stfu :DDD”

Asked Liara if she was okay and she seems pretty Cool With It

I hope to one day return to Noveria and Death Star it into oblivion

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode four

Talked with Tali and this situation with the Geth and the Quarians is giving me an existential crisis

You “inspect” my beautiful ship? You got somethin’ to say about my crew??? Talk shit get hit, bitch I will kill you

Yoooo my old earth gang, yeah what the hell, I’ll help ou—oh nope nvm he’s a xenophobe, you hang him and I’ll shoot his friend in the face, thx for your time

Went to the citadel to finish some assignments, left tasked with twice as many

“dOn’T cUt CoRneRs” fear not dear Kaiden, I have a permit: this piece of paper that says I do what I want

Still with the elevators, I really cannot with this

“You make it all sound so...dangerous...” ;) ;))))))

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode five

Headin’ to Virmire to rendezvous with the Salarian team

A cure for the genophase?!?!?! :D

Oh wait oh no are we for real gonna talk about destroying the cure like Wrex isn’t standing right here omg

SHIT GUYS NO NOT LIKE THIS WREX PLEASE

Phew for a conversation that basically started with guns drawn, it went pretty well... “What Saren has isn’t even a proper cure, he’s just fucking with the Krogans at this point. Are we gonna stand for that? Or are we gonna murder?” “Damn Shep, you right, we gon’ murder”

Okay Ashley, go join the aliens, try not to die

Shadow Team!🎵 tearing through the base 🎶 disabling all the defenses 🎵 (you gotta sing it to the tune of the Trogdor song)

We free the prisoners!!! :)

We shoot the prisoners??? :(

“Raina? How can you shoot them where they stand?” So it’s more merciful to let them explode? NAH FAM

This scientist is responsible for the mind control stuff? For Benezia? Fine I’ll let her go but I hope she explodes

We did not learn our lesson concerning beacons I see

Wait if even Saren is worried about his mind control ship does that mean there are larger forces involved here?

Oh. Oh fuck

Ugh Ashley I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DIE

(so we really never found any info about that genophase cure huh? disappointing)

Oh Seren, you dumb dumb. You absolute fool. Clown man.

When Raina slings Kaiden over her shoulder to carry him to the ship—mmmmmmmmwoooow I am very bisexual

Bruh Raina takes every council call and she disconnects pissed off every time

WAIT I literally just hung up with the council, ASHLEY is DEAD, and Kaiden needs a DTR RIGHT NOW?!?!? Boy, NO, READ THE ROOM

This has been a stressful day

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode six

Shepard will avoid her feelings and go to Faros instead

Seeing Ashley’s figure greyed out and her locker inaccessible makes me sad

Wrex and Garrus, let’s go shoot some geth 💪

A mind controlling planet—of course!

Shep gets all her renegade points shooting capitalists

Saved, uh, about half the colonists

If I have one more bad acid trip I stg

Oh nope here’s another one

Shep needs a nap

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode seven

Ah, the council. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

At least Liara is good at pep talks ;)

Joker, you cockblock

Haha DUDE we airborne, you THOUGHT

Now that I am exiled from the Citadel, guess I’ll run some galactic errands:

o Killed corporate scientists who though we would rescue them lol

o Destroyed a bunch of geth camps helping Tali on her pilgrimage

o Disabled a nuke and killed some pirates

o Shut down some evil Cerberus experiments

o And illegally traded information!

Okay time to get back on track

So we may or may not be flying to our doom

OH GOD LIARA LOVES ME!!! RAINA, YOU DISASTER, YOU DID IT AAAAAH ❤️❤️❤️

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode eight

You know what I love? Being murdered by geth armatures

All these Ilos ruins be looking the same

Security panel is only kinda helpful

Oh, luckily I know Prothean now!

“CANNOT BE STOPPED” wow very encouraging, thanks

After that super motivating message and disabling security, its time to go down, down to goblin town

Vigil? Oh word?

My girlfriend is GEEKING out

I knew something what wrong with that fucking Citadel

Vigil: information is power. Also Vigil: What does it matter why they do what they do? All that matters is you stop them

“non-essential” personnel die first, huh? GROSS, VIGIL (gotta be honest that hits different in 2020)

Garrus gets it, I knew we liked that guy

Okay, find conduit, save galaxy, break millennium-old genocide cyle, nbd

Ugh Mako you gotta do me dirty one last time I see, I hate this thing

THE CONDUIT STRAIGHT YEETED MAKO

The citadel robot says we’re doomed : )

This shootout is SO fun, seriously

Saren get it toGETHER

Renegade Raina can kill with a conversation apparently, well done then

Concentrate on the Sovereign—why am I gonna save a council that hates my guts, sorry, but I have a JOB to DO that you ACTIVELY HINDERED

Great, zombie husk Saren, just what I needed as I mull over the possible consequences of my galaxy-altering decision

GO JOKER GO

Humanity-only council seems…questionable. Raina didn’t love the council but this sits wrong. Couldn’t we just appoint a more diverse council, including a human?

Anderson seems like a good enough dude, so…we’ll see.

TIME FOR WAR BOYS, GODDAMN WHAT A GAME

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hermitcraftheadcanons · 5 years ago

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Zombie Apocalypse AU Masterpost

"There are a few groups that aren't aware of each other's existence. (Architechs, NHO, Convex, ect.) The NHO are made up of all men from millitaries across the globe. Cleo isn't a zombie either, she is a zombie whisperer. She can communicate slightly with zombies and they aren't usually negotiable."

(Paraphrased,) from @creator0fchaos' Zombie Apocalypse AU entry for The Follower Input AU.

Headcanons to start us off:

-Convex were two men from a small buisness. Jellie is also around but she's injured and is mostly carried around by Scar.

-Etho got bit pretty early on and everyone in the NHO knows they're gonna have to do something about it but they're putting it off. Etho seems fine.

-Bdubs is slowly going completely feral. (Possible reference to season 5's jungle feral?) DocM joked he had rabies and the two got into a fight.

-Iskall lost his eye after Mumbo accidentally slashed him with a knife while trying to protect Grian from a hoarde. Iskall ended up getting lumped in with the Architech group because Mumbo feels super guilty about it.

-Xisuma and Keralis came into contact with the NHO for a bit. Keralis and Bdubs nearly became friends but Beef and Doc scared em away. Angst.

-The zombies fear False.

-XB originally planned to just stay in his house and not go out. He was prepared, okay? He had tinned food to last him at least a decade, zombie proof armour and god knows what else supplies. His friend, Hypnotizd, is fleeing to there because he knows XB knows what he's doing.

-Wels wears armour because it's the best he had. Same with Biffa and Xisuma. In this AU, they probably wouldn't be wearing armour if not given the circumstances.

-Jevin has turned this into a game to kill as many zombies as possible.

-Impulse, Tango and Zedaph are all just having a good time trying to survive in the woods. Their main goal is to open a tin of beans Zed has but they don't have a tin opener.

-Rendog found a tin of dog food while scavenging. He was hungry and ate it. He now has an addiction to tinned dog food.

-Wels wears medieval armour in the zombie au because at one point he was trapped in a museum by a horde and like, the armour was technically there. On display. No one was using it.

-Etho wears the mask as kind of a mental reminder not to bite his friends.

-Joe and Stress are hanging with Cleo and even if the small group isn’t the best equipped or prepared, they have thrived thanks to Cleo’s ability to whisper to zombies. It might not stop the zombies but it buys the group time to escape.

–Zombie!Etho is hiding the fact that he’s turning, if not already turned into a zombie, from the rest of the NHO because he loves being with his friends. The problem is that it’s getting harder every day to control himself and he’s constantly fighting between telling the rest of them about it, and having them put him out of his misery to keep them safe, or just keep hiding it, afraid that one day it’ll be too late he won’t be able to control himself and bite them all.

-Someone gets like a really bad case of the flu, this is problem because usually survivors have to stay in the move consistently to survive and that’s hard when someone is really sick, it also bad because all pharmacies have been raided and there’s no medicine.

-Grian originally came from Sam and Taurtis's group but due to Sam's insanity, Grian pulls away and went surviving on his own. That when Mumbo came to photo and knowing that he won't survive the zombie wasteland alone, Grian took it as his task to convince Mumbo make a partnership with him.

-Joe was playing D&D when the outbreak started, and Cleo was in his group. They treat it as a game sometimes, though they toned it down a bit when Stress joined because she was still grieving Iskall. Stress makes them stay around where she lost Iskall, but Joe and Cleo don't mind because she has a base set up there.

-For no fault of his own, the nHo crumbles while doc is in control. They had been losing members for a while but when beef, Bdubs, etho, and doc part ways it’s the draw the broke the camels back, so doc is the only one left of the nho, the rest of them, having either left or died. Doc blames himself for everything going so wrong.

-For the zombie AU because nobody's representing my boy X: Xisuma is known as a master at evading the zombies (he can fight them well if needed but he is best at avoiding incidents altogether). He claims to wear the mask for practical reasons, but what the others don't know is that it hides how terrified he is. He hides his fear because he doesn't want people to lose confidence in him, but getting turned and losing control of his mind is his worst nightmare.

-TFC’s gone for a bunker theme for s6+s7, so maybe, he finds a nHo member, and just drags them down into his bunker, probably chewing them out for walking around alone?

-For the zombie au is ethos mask like a medical one, or was he in a kakashi cosplay for some reason and kept it because all the pockets were practical and then started wearing the mask because he got infected.

-After Stress and Iskall reunite, Joe and Cleo join the Architechs. False joins them after seeing Cleo whisper to the zombies and realizing that the group severely lacks fighters. I need the hermits to (at least mostly) get together!

-TFC is obviously a disaster prepper who has a fully furnished bunker that can house a lot of people. He has been broadcasting this to other survivors using a radio. Unfortunately, he lives in the middle of nowhere and it is a trek to get there, but the Vault (as he calls it) is self-sustaining. (I know this is obvious, but nobody has done anything with TFC yet, and that's a shame)

-Even though he’s scared about not being alert enough to protect his team, Xisuma hides his sickness, which is easy with the helmet, because he’s the leader and he can’t be weak. Due to the pain of the flu and the heat of fever staying trapped inside his helmeted eventually falls to his knees and breaks down.

-Mumbo is wearing a suit because he was on his way to a job interview when the outbreak started, he just never bothered to change clothes.

-Etho used to love making up little tunes, and that hasn't changed since he was bitten. Nevertheless, the others in his group haven't heard him make music since. He blames a lack of instruments because of being on the run from zombies. The morning after he left, though, they find an old recorder where his sleeping bag was, and once they hit play they're greeted with songs in a familiar style, backed by improvised instruments.

Even without saying anything they *know* what had happened, and the recorder is taken along on their journey to a safe haven. Sometimes, when the feeling of missing their friend gets too much, they put on the music in the evening and just allow themselves to cry.

-Well, i was thinking maybe stress was a loner, but like, not completely alone, she was with someone else, probably Cleo or Iskall, but they got bit, she felt too bad to kill them so she wanders around with a zombie friend on a madeup leash, sorry if it sounds sad but i like angst and it seemed like a good headcanon -🐿️

-TFC is the one to get to Beef and break down the wall he had built up after a while of wandering alone after breaking off from the nHo. He finds Beef fighting a group of zombies and after observing how violently Beef was hacking down the zombies, TFC did not see a hardened fighter, but a broken man and went to talk with him.

-Alternate timeline idea when grian was still traveling with Sam and tortoise. Sam end up doing something that results in grian and tortoise getting bitten, because of that Sam leaves them. Now grian is not a normal zombie he doesn’t crave human flesh but rabbit flesh because he’s so hell-bent on getting revenge for what Sam did to him and tortoise, tortoise ends up tagging along. Cleo ends up finding them and discover their not normal zombies and inviting them to stay with her group.

-For the zombie apocalypse AU, RE: Cleo and Joe's DND game - imagine them going into a fight and just screaming "ROLL INITIATIVE!"

-Ok but imagine if like that one anon said, grian was already a zombie but like, one that only wants animals. I imagine they could probably get him to behave normally and imagine the mumbo turning angst but grian is already a zombie and just helps him not loose himself.

-For the Zombie Au, instead of killing Mumbo before he turns, the group locks him in a room and leave him there in hopes that they can bring him back once theres a cure. Whether or not, Mumbo wants to be saved is up to you. If Cleo's still in the group then you could have her "talk" to Zombie Mumbo for bonus angst.

-After finding out that Etho's still out there, Beef becomes more determined than ever to help find a cure. In the bunker he often ends up buzzing around Scar and Cub, desperate for something to do to help. It can get a bit awkward but they understand he's just desperate to see his friend again and are usually able to provide small tasks to help him keep his mind busy (with something other than worrying for Etho) while they continue working toward a cure.

(All those above in red are from our community's lovely Anons!)

-Vintagebeef was the first to notice something was off about Etho. He asked Etho about it but Etho assured him he was fine. Beef asked, 'what if you spread it to the other people in group?' Etho claimed that 'if it was contagious without physical contact, everyone would have caught it by now.'

-Speaking of Vintage Beef, he feels the most lonely and hopeless out of all the NHO members. Etho is probably gonna die from being a zombie soon. Bdubs and Doc are always at each other's throats and Beef fears one of them may accidentally kill the other. He's terrified that he may be the only one left.

-Hypnotizd is the most likely to be bit next. Dude’s running to XB’s house basically defenseless until he gets there, we have no clue how far he has to travel.

(-@tomcatacaphe.)

-You could very easily bring s5 nho angst into this au... Etho leaves to protect his friends from himself, Beef leaves because he can't bare to see his friends fight so much, Bdubs and Doc get in a fight and Bdubs storms off, and Doc is left to try and lead the nho by himself (since you said it's a kind of paramilitary thing here). Ouch.

-Knowing Mumbo's love for bunkers and the dragon bro bunker from s6, the architechs have probably settled somewhere underground to have a somewhat normal life. And, given the combined tech prowess of Iskall and Mumbo, they could easily rig up defence systems to help.

-in regards to that ask about X getting ill, maybe that's where Keralis joins him! He's totally the type to stay with you when sick! :D

-Continuing from that anon, if I may. So far we have Griam, Mumbo, Iskall, Stress, Joe, Cleo, and False all living together... The chaos xD ! You could even bring in hermit challenges as smth they make to, y'know, lighten the mood :D

(-@rebloging-extravaganza.)

-OOF I never thought about Taurtis wandering alone but that's sad. Iskall was also originally with Stress. They are wandering together until a snow storm separates them. Iskall finds Mumbo and Grian and then Mumbo thought he was a zombie cause this man just came out of nowhere. Grian and Mumbo took him in. When Iskall came back to the place where him and Stress gets separated, they saw each other again. What's the first thing he did? He hugged the hell outta her.

-Stress was tired cause the next thing she knew after the storm is that she’s alone. So, she thought for the worst, she thought Iskall was dead. She made a small shelter in the place, tamed a lot of dogs and even made a gravestone for Iskall.

When Stress saw him, her first thought was to get the weapon from the sheath and attack but Iskall started talking. The next thing she knew was she is crying and hugging him tight.

(-@penumbra-rui.)

-After Beef leaves the nHo, he becomes quite a loner. He gets a nickname from other groups even though they don’t know who he is: the Butcher. He gets the name because when groups are being seized down by dozens of zombies, Beef comes in and kills the zombies - every single one - with only his token bloodied apron left behind, waving on a stick. He has hundreds of those aprons and is never seen killing the zombies by the besieged groups.

-When Impulse runs away, he runs into BDubs while in a run down brick building with part of it having been blown up in what looks like a plane bomb. The building seems to have been a local demolition business known simply as ‘Boomers.’

-Before the apocalypse began, Scar was an upper level agent of the FBI tasked with protecting top level cancer researchers across the United States. One of those top cancer researchers was patient 0 and was the original discoverer of the zombie infection (patient 0 was not a Hermit). However, Scar believes it’s his fault for not having intervened when he could have. It’s now his mission to find a way to fix it. He comes across business mogul Cub, who may have the funds to help.

-https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/618407386827423744/hypno-has-been-living-with-xb-for-the-last-two XB and Hypno meet: A post too long to copy paste here.

(-@creator0fchaos.)

-After Tango explodes the beans Impulse claims he’s leaving. Z and T think he just kidding but when they wake up the next morning Inpulse is gone. Now Zed and Tango are on a mission to find impulse while also terrified that he’s been bit.

-Continuation of the impulse leaves thing, tango and Zed find and save him just in time. They all reunite and are happy. The problem is that Zed was bit in the process, for now he’s binding it, because tango and impulse were so happy to be reunited and zed didn’t want to ruin it.

-Zed never ends up telling his friends that he was bit, the figure out themselves a few days after it happens. At first they’re mad that zed hid it from them, telling him how he could have turned and hurt them. But a minute late they break down in tears realizing what the bit means for them all. They will discuss what to do in the morning but for now they will grieve.

-Even more of the zit story: In the morning they decide to keep zed around until he really starts turning, they will then kill him so he’s not a zombie, zed protests this wanting them to kill him now, fearing for the other’s safety, but he’s actually really happy to have a bit longer with his friends. Impulse feels guilty because this never would have happened if he hadn’t left, tango also feels guilty because if he never exploded the beans, then impulse wouldn’t have left and zed would be fine.

(-@lookitsspacekween.)

-Xisuma is known as a master at evading the zombies (he can fight them well if needed but he is best at avoiding incidents altogether). He claims to wear the mask for practical reasons, but what the others don't know is that it hides how terrified he is. He hides his fear because he doesn't want people to lose confidence in him, but getting turned and losing control of his mind is his worst nightmare.

-Xisuma could be that person who gets the flu from an earlier submission! It would really scare him because of not being as alert or functional to avoid the zombies. I feel like he doesn't have a set group of people he stays with, so someone would probably find him holed up somewhere with a bad fever and decide to stay with him.

-If Mumbo ever gets bitten his zombie form is his cursed skin from after he sold his bits, it NEEDS to be lol.

-I came here to post immune!Rendog only to find that someone already did! Anyway, Ren is immune, which is good because the man gets bitten A LOT (the diggity dawg is not the best fighter). I feel like he gets lost and comes across the NHO base, and Doc won't let him in at first because he's covered in bites. He probably puts him in a containment cell out of typical Doc paranoia but eventually figures it out.

-Doc tried his hardest to be distant with Ren (because he thought he was going to turn/die soon and didn't want to get attached) but Ren just asks questions and talks 24/7 until Doc gives in and talks to him out of loneliness. Doc probably keeps him in containment for a really long time, first for fear of him turning and then because he's afraid Ren will leave (like everyone else left him.)

-Ren is very calm and cheery through the whole containment thing because he FULLY believes this is all a dream. Like, okay, this German robot man says I'm going to die in a week? Cool! Have to remember to write this one down when I wake up. Doc cannot convince him otherwise and it frustrates him to no end (when he does realize it's real though he's going to have a full breakdown.)

-Mumbo focuses in way too hard when he's working and blocks out everything else. If he gets bitten it will be because he was too absorbed in a redstone project and forgot to check his surroundings.

-When Mumbo gets bitten, Grian makes it his duty to comfort him and keep him calm until the end. Iskall, however, is overcome by guilt. He had been out for supplies when it happened; usually it was his job to watch Mumbo's back while he worked, alternating between fighting zombies and giving jokingly snarky commentary on Mumbo's redstone. He definitely blames himself and won't let the others out of his sight afterward.

-A break from angst! Zombie whisperer!Cleo's talents work by communicating with the infection in the zombies' bodies. Immune!Rendog has the infection, it just doesn't affect him in a dangerous way. Therefore, Cleo is now a Ren whisperer. Hilarity ensues.

-Once Xisuma starts feeling a bit better, he organizes his group to dig underground tunnels for people to travel with less chance of zombie attack (construction Keralis is a big help!) The leadership comes naturally to him, and the hard work is a good way of building up his strength again. Working late into the night on the tunnels is also the perfect excuse not to sleep....

-(post-cure). It takes several weeks, but Doc finally manages to find Etho. When he receives the cure his first words are "Thank you" and "I'm so sorry" (like a true Canadian). While his mind is returned to him, some parts of his body are too decayed to be salvaged, but that's no obstacle for Doc. He builds custom cybernetics and eagerly welcomes his old friend back to the land of the living.

(-@shadeswiftdraws.)

-Mumbo, being really good with redstone, obviously has anti-zombie weapons he made himself. One day he goes out scavenging to find Grian fighting zombies armed with only a large hunting knife, a sledgehammer (probably from whatever build he was working on at the time of the outbreak), and his tiny gremlin speed and agility. (-@my-cat-is-a-bastard.)

-One of the Hermits (up to you which one) is somehow immune to the zombie virus. The catch: they don't know until they get bit. Them and the rest of their group is scared and prepares to kill them when the transformation is complete, but it never happens. The scientist of their group does a couple of tests and discovers their immunity!

-I was thinking about it for a bit, and I doesn’t seem like there’s been much done with Ren... (besides eating dog food lol)

-Happy ending time 'cause I can't stand seeing them all turn! Once Doc realizes Ren is immune, they venture out trying to find another group to create a cure. After gathering some/most of the other Hermits, they come across Scar, and they work on and create a cure/vaccine. The rest of the Hermits take it, and maybe they're even able to cure Etho and the other zombified Hermits! (Sorry if this is too cheesy/happy; I just want everything to be okay, y'know?)

-All everyone speaks of are the physical changes, but one must set the record straight: No matter how horrifying the outward changes are, the mental and emotional ones are far worse. Your friend’s behavior will take a turn for the worse. They’ll become more aggressive, more impulsive, less cautious. They’ll start fights for a laugh, they’ll yell and thrash and scream at the mildest inconvenience, their mind will devolve and fade away. By the time you must say your goodbyes, they will no longer be the friend you knew. They will be childish, angry, insane, and horrible in every way. Even if they fight the illness and outer changes, their behavior will still be impacted and subject to change.

Be wary of this if you choose to let your friend live, and prepare not only your body, but your mind, for the worst.

-Patient Zero could be GenerikB.

(-@12u3ie.)

-I feel like team ZIT keeps putting off taking care of Impulse. Like Etho, Impulse just keeps fighting the changes. They all expect him to wither away, fall down and die one day, isn't that how it always goes?, but that's not how the infection works. They don't get sicker and weaker, in fact most of the people who die from one bite actually die from gangrene and/or septic shock. (Human mouths are GROSS.) But our boys don't know this. They've taken good care of his bite, even if it felt pointless at first, and avoided infection, and as a result he's physically completely healed now. So they end up never NEEDING to kill Impulse, but at what cost? He's constantly anxious about losing control. He can barely even sleep, what if it makes him sleepwalk and he bites his friends then? Tango and Zedaph see him changing still. They see his skin getting pale and dull, his eyes growing hollow, even see he's losing a lot of weight, but they put it up to his sleeplessness, to how they have to remind him, almost force him to eat real food. What sort of life does Impulse really have now? Is it really better to just end it? (What if he and Etho meet?)

Sorry, I've just seen the way this subversion of the Zombie Bite = Zombie Dead trope is going with Etho, and I HAD to get bitten!Impulse in on it as well. Now I can't stop thinking about exactly how this virus works, so I'm gonna hit post before I get WAY too into it and make a text wall.

-https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/618456845293633536/the-first-thing-you-notice-is-the-bite-it-stings How the virus works. (Tw gore, worms.)

(-@basaltdragon.)

-Bdubs definitely slept through the beginning of the apocalypse and had no idea what was going on for a while. He just kept doing his normal thing until someone told him what was happening. (-@miss-oleum.)

-I saw a post that mentioned Taurtis in the zombie apocalypse au, so I think this idea would be cool? I think from context clues Etho and Beef are kinda traveling together, but what if they run into Pause! Pause is super stoked to finally be around people in this mess (Team Canada, no less!!) but the dread kicks in when he notices the look in Etho's eyes, and how much paler he is than usual. Maybe he even notices the signs before Beef (who prolly def. noticed but is in severe denial about it). (-@853dragons.)

-https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/618477192694939648/you-know-what-im-just-going-to-add-my-2-cents-on

-To the surprise (and delight) of everyone in the Bunker, Beef is a deasent Redstoner. He's still a bit rusty at it tho. But he Knows how to work around those dust if he put his mind it. And after the... Insident with Mumbo, they need all the help they can get with the Redstone. And the first time he fix a redstone contraption on his own he said to his spectators (any Hermit of your choice), "What? You thought I was all Beef but no Brains?"

(-@tearosepedall.)

And now, Writing!

-It's the hunger that's the worst. Gnawing and ever-present, no matter what he eats, he can't escape the emptiness that's settled into his stomach. Etho stares dully down at the can someone - probably Beef - had pushed into his hands, before spearing a handful of syrupy fruit and swallowing it. It does little to satiate the hunger crawling through his every being. And why would it? It's not fruit he's hungry for anymore. (Anon.)

-Fear curls around him like an unwanted friend, a fiend of mist and smoke that blankets his nerves and quickens his heart. He stares dully at the scene before him, at the massacre his group had just barely avoided, as an awful storm of what-ifs swirl through his mind. His hands shake. "X?" Someone asks, "Are you okay?" Xisuma sucks in a deep breath, curls his hands into fists, and turns towards Keralis. "I'm fine," he lies. (Anon.)

-"Hello there. If you are listening to this, we are gone and long forgotten. This base of ours is yours to use now. I'm sure there'll still be some supplies and cans of food left-" "Not if I eat them first!" "Gr- Grian! I'm recording!" "I know that, you spoon." Grian took a few steps forward and stuck his face up to the camera lens. "Hi there!" "Grian! This is serious work." "C'mon, we're always serious! What's wrong with a little bit of fun during the zombie apocalypse?" (12u3ie.)

-(Biffa's POV) I met Xisuma a couple weeks ago. He saved my life, and I joined his crew. We're good friends now, and I hope he trusts me. It just seems like there's something off about him, but not in a zombie way. The way he hesitates before saying he's fine, how his eyes widen for just a moment before battle... the way he mumbles in his sleep about an evil counterpart... (12u3ie.)

-Hands corral him, pushing him forward. Mumbo twists and writhes, trying to escape from the iron grip pulling him forward. Where his tongue still capable of forming complex sounds, he would be protesting vehemently. Nowadays, words are harder to come by, too clunky and heavy for his tongue to try. As it is, he can barely even manage the word no. 'I don't want this!' He screams, but only Cleo spares him a glance. Her eyes shine, wet with tears and pity that turns his stomach.

"We'll find a cure," Someone else promises. From a haze of shattered memories, a face forms. It takes another moment for him to remember a name. Grian. His voice is flat, toneless, but edged with iron and a promise. With one final pull, he's dragged into the windowless room, lined with lockers and benches. Mumbo's breath rattles heavily in his chest, as the iron door swings shut behind him. "I'm so sorry." Whispers seep through the thin walls. "I can't believe he bit Ren." (Anon.)

More to be added!

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fairycosmos · 4 years ago

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chloe what do you do when you feel really suicidal? but like not like before- but NOW that you are grieving such a painful loss? dont need to answer but i read your a. to the anon that felt trapped and like they couldnt leave now bc their sibling died too and like you and that anon i feel the same. im so so suicidal chloe. i cry every day and night and i feel despertate but my parents just lost their child so. how do you cope... as much as its possible. what do we do? fuck.

dude i am so sorry you're in the same position as me and you are going to hate me for saying it but there is no satisfactory answer 😔 it's a cruel joke. we're in the worst pain we've ever been in, and our instinct is to want to make that stop. but we can't because now we're obligated to stay alive, where all the hurt is, because we're one of the only ones left. and we dont want to cause more of this feeling by ending it all. it's like a contract you didn't agree to and are now trapped in for the foreseeable. grief is the absolute heaviest thing a person can carry, it's a fucking nightmare. it doesn't make any sense, it doesn't have a cure and it's disorienting as fuck. it's ok to be exhausted by it. reality has been irreparably worsened and it's an absolute tragedy, it's completely unfair. personally i'm more suicidal than i've ever been, but like you, i know i'm not going to do anything. and in moments of great pain, where i want to act on those thoughts, i find myself coming back to that fact. i watch the idea of suicide run its course through my head and then i acknowledge the reality of things, that i can't leave. that it doesn't matter how sad i am and how tired i am, because i'm still here, and processing these emotions is a part of that. the urge to kill myself is there, but the actual act of suicide has never been less of an option than it is right now. so i can feel whatever i need to feel, but there's no point leaning into it or daydreaming about it. because it's not going to happen. sometimes i'm screaming and crying to myself in absolute agony while this is all going on, and sometimes i'm just sitting staring at my phone, numb. the desperation is very real, and i understand that. but it is not as urgent as it feels in the moment. no matter how many times i think i'm at my limit, i know that there's going to be tomorrow. and at the moment that sounds like a really bad thing. but i know that by waking up my parents aren't getting a call saying i'm dead, which for now is kind of the whole point. i am living to minimize their trauma, i am living for them, and an optimist would have hope that that could keep me alive long enough until i get to the point where i can eventually live for myself again. i could definitely see that for your future, even if you can't. the thing is you don't have to know what to do and you dont have to look for ways to fill the void that has been left behind by your sibling. you just have to learn to exist alongside it, and i do mean just exist. as awful as it is. waking up, putting one foot in front of the other, crying and crying and crying. that is good enough. i know it doesn't feel like much of a life, but. it's the short term answer, or so it seems to me. another thing i remind myself of is how it all comes in waves. waves are the nature of both grief, and strong suicidal urges. maybe they're always running in the background, but the moments of pure despair where you feel like you're bursting at the seams, they're so strong and harsh that they flare out faster than you realize. and they feel unbearable, and i know those moments are very frequent when you're in our position, but it's good to remember that the intensity of their nature makes them temporary. especially if the grief is fresh, every little thing triggers an avalanche of hopelessness. but some part of me believes these experiences will either a. become less persistent with time or b. become a part of us we learn how to navigate. at the moment, the simple act of being completely broken by these episodes means you're surviving them. i think it's not a matter of knowing how to cope, but knowing that if you're here to ask these questions - what do i do, how do i go on, etc - then that is proof you have been coping. and it probably doesn't feel like you have been. i think there's a common misconception that coping is thriving, letting go, having positive memories. and sure that's a part of it. but there is a lot of darkness and absolute horror to work through before that. additionally, there is no rule book on how exactly to work through it. theres just time, experience, learning what works for you and hanging on. i'm trying to hold my own hand through it, i'm trying to look at the present moment i'm in and just think about what i need at that very second. not what i'm going to do tomorrow, not what i should've done yesterday, but what i have to do right now to make it through. a lot of the time the answer is nothing, and i just sit and stare or cry, because like i said, ultimately nothing can fix it. theres no epiphany that can change what happened.

as far as practical things you can to do combat suicidal thoughts goes, i have a few suggestions that i really hope you consider as viable choices: talk to your doctor/therapist - idk where you live or what your financial situation is like, but if it's at all an option i would really urge you to seek professional help. at least let your GP know what you're dealing with so maybe they can refer you to a therapist, or give you some mental health resources. grief counselling is also a step in the right direction. having someone to talk to and implementing positive coping mechanisms into your day to day life, even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, can work wonders. understanding your own suicidal thoughts, why you react the way you do and what you can do about it, can really come in handy when you're breaking down. it's ok to reach out. it's ok to visit different counsellors until you find one that fits you. it's ok to treat your emotional turmoil as seriously as you'd treat any physical disease. there is always support and treatment options available in some form, and it is always worth looking into.

call a (grief or suicide) hotline - i've had the hotline number open in my browser for days. if you are in a moment of crisis, it can absolutely help to have someone talk you through your emotions, listen to your pain, and then give you some gentle recommendations as to what you should do next or where to go from here. you don't have to tell them your name, you don't have to say anything you don't want to say. you're in control of the call and they care about keeping you going. you're not alone. theres also online grief support groups - i'm in a sibling loss group on fb. it's absolutely crazy how many people are in this position.

talk to your parents/family/friends - i know saying 'this is a tough one' is a giant understatement. idk if it's the same for you, but i've been isolating to cope and i don't want to tell anyone what i'm thinking because they're already having such a hard time grieving my sister. but if there's anyone you trust, i just want you to know it's alright to lean on them. it's up to you how much you open up, but the urge to keep to yourself leads nowhere. those around you can relate (to an extent) with your grief, and sharing it, talking about memories and crying together - it's fucking awful, god it's the worst thing ever, but it's necessary. and i don't want to say it helps, but a shared burden is always better than trying to shoulder it alone. you deserve to be listened to and supported. and if you think you're being an inconvenience to your loved ones, that's your inner self hatred talking. they would likely rather be there for you when you need it, than have you harm yourself because you kept it all pent up. it's a lot easier said than done, but it's important to keep in mind that it's an option.

try to create a safe space - try to remove things from your living space you could use to harm yourself with, and make the environment as comforting as possible. refer back to safe coping mechanisms/ distractions that have worked in the past - this can be as simple as going for a walk, watching stupid shit on your phone, meditation, having a crying session, writing to your sibling or just about how you feel in general. these are not suggestions that will solve anything or cure mental illness by any stretch of the imagination. they just get you out of your head. that can really make a difference.

create a crisis plan and learn what triggers you - this is a bit of a process but that's alright. being able to identify what sets you off, and being able to recognize your own toxic thinking patterns/behaviours, is the first step towards combatting them. another idea is, if you do end up talking to a loved one or a mental health professional, come up with a plan with them regarding what they should do when you're suicidal and your judgement is impaired. you can even start by just making one for yourself, like writing down a few suggestions as to what you should do when you're in a crisis, what your other options besides suicide are.

i think that's all i've got right now. i'm sorry this got so long, especially when i know nothing truly helps. i just know what it's like having all this useless life in front of you that you're going to have to fight through without the one person who always should've been there. i keep thinking about what she'd say to me if she could see me, and i know she'd be livid if i threw my life away, but. that doesn't change the fact that she didn't get to live hers, and that i miss her so so much it aches. i keep coming back to the idea that our relationship will continue to grow beyond death. i can still talk to her, reminisce with her, understand her, love her. so much of this reality was shaped by her. it's not the same as when she was here, but it's not total absence either. anyway, i'm so so sorry for your loss and i hope you can just focus on taking care of yourself, love. because your life still has so much worth and you deserve to see your own future even if you cant stand the thought. moments of happiness and peace are still 100% possible. it's just never going to feel like it did before. and it's ok if you spend the rest of your life struggling to come to terms with that fact, because at least you got to live the rest of your life. i'm sending so much love to you and i'll be here if you need a friend. one day at a time.

*no pressure to read all this you can just refer back to it whenever you feel the need

#anon #tw suicide #long post #sorry i dont shut up💖 this 1 hurt

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straykats · 3 years ago

Note

this is the same anon again and sjkskdj i loved reading your responses!! im trying to respond to a bunch of different things so sorry if this is a mess but as far as the ‘babes’ thing goes youre absolutely fine!! i lowkey have an obsession with calling people and even tHings??? that, its just feels so right 😌 sometimes i go overboard tho like babes,,, 👁👄👁 chill skkdjwkzj

i literally thought the same thing about forensic anthro cause i took forensic science in hs so i was like “oh, okay cool” when signing up for this class and i still dont know what it specifically means but it was pretty much a whole class on murderers/serial killers and the dead. it was really sad sometimes but we read a lot of interesting books on different things people do to dead bodies/cadavers/things you can donate your body for as well as the stories of people who do autopsies for a living!

ive never really heard about that “have you seen this man” thing and now i really want to look it up!! however, it is 3:40am so ill save myself the potential nightmares and do it in the morning if i remember lol i lowkey love reading about those type of things cause i think its so cool thinking about all the different things that connect us but we just dont realize it (even tho that one in particular is a hoax, its still cool stuff 👀)

my dumb brain is slowly forgetting the stuff i mentally took note of to respond too so oOpsie if i missed some 😔😔 but i agree with you on the aot vs. tmr thing cause i think id definitely have a much harder time surviving if i knew the only thing id be greeted with is titans🧍🏻‍♀️like no maam, not for me ill pass ✋🏻 on a separate note,,,,, who is your fave character from tmr??? i was OBSESSED with it a couple years ago but now im back on my bullshit 🤪🤪🤪 newt really makes me so 🥺🥺🥺💜💜

alright,,,,, ill come clean,,,, the dirt vs. sand thing was cause all of a sudden i was thinking about minecraft and i really wanted to play but once again,,,, its like 4am now 👁👄👁 but so that made me so inclined to ask that question lol thank you for humoring me 🥰

i feel you on the cats and dogs thing!!!! i do have a cat but i always felt like the odd one out when i was little cause everyone loved dogs so much more but cats are just so 🥺🥺🥺🥺 funny story tho: my friend just go a kitten and my other friend was holding her and hes a pretty big and buff dude so he was holding her in one hand and just looked at me like: 👁👄👁 “dude... i could just squeeze once and shes done for” likE BRUH— he aint wrong tho anjdjws my cat on the other hand is LITERALLY the size of a WATERMELON but shes a bad bitch regardless 😩💅🏻🤪😪 (shes an all black cat named luna too :))

alright, i think there was more i wanted to say but now its like 4am officially so im sorry but i shall be surrendering to sleep now but this was really fun! it was cool hearing your view on all my weird questions lol i hope your cramps feel better btw ;-; sometimes mine feel like world war 3 and wow its somethin else so im sending you my love and good vibes 💜😩❤️💕💜💖💞❣️

goodnight! 💜

nonnnie as far as i know this is the first time we've spoken but i love you also i hope you're asleep please be asleep

again, answering under the cut bc dont wanna make people scrool too much AHAHAH

forensic anthro sounds so intersting now?? i really enjoy watching crime shows (or maybe it's just cirminal minds, i'm not sure) and learning about that type of stuff so i feel like i'd enjoy the class! i wanted to do study criminal law or smth similar but my parents were so against it AHAHHA so nvm

i used to love tmrw so much !! i admit i never finished watching the scorch trials or the death cure (ngl idek if theres a death cure movie) but i read the books when i was in highschool and ahhh!!! i really liked minho and newt!! tbh i dont remember why but yes !

if we're tlaking dirt vs sand in minecraft i will say dirt bc i like how grass just pops up after a while AHAHAH

NOOOO HAHAHA ur friend w the kittennnnn CDKJSVJDKVNS what a sigh that would have been though. (... the "big buff dude holding a kitten in one hand" sight, not the "squeeze once and shes done for" sight. just to clarify.) a black cat named luna!!!! i love her already tell her some random viet girl in australia loves her tyvm <3

im watching a crime kdrama and everytime someone gets stabbed i'm like.. bitch,,, same,,, what a mood,,, no but ty for entertaining me despite how late it was for u oh my god i hope you have/had a good sleep (and get/got enough sleep)!!! [insert heart emojis]

#kat talks #anon

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vanityloves · 4 years ago

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anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

#rip lol i feel annoying but my blog my rights ig #brainworm ivy #gorillaz rambles

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artificialac1d · 4 years ago

Photo

aswhoa there big ol spirit phone post whoaaaaa. (I WAS ORIGINALLY DOING ALL OF THE ALBUMS BUT THAT WOULD BE TOO LONG SO I’LL DO INDIVIDUAL POSTS FOR THE ALBUMS) (NOT INCLUDING MASHUPS SORRY :[)

alright lets go sorry if theres spelling mistakes i am tired and my keyboard hates me ;[ spirit phone - ok so VERY COOL the first half i feel is supernatural and the second half is more like.... a comment on capitalism?? yeah,, idk either thats what most people say lol. thanks neil!! lifetime achievement award (ebiccc). very long (ab 6 minutes) BUT the length is worth it!! the lyrics are jammin not to mention the instrumental!! the singing is very chefs kiss let alone the effects on the singing!! very cool song. touch tone telephone!! (ttt) so ttt is VERY jammin but its a little overrated. I GET WHY, but it is definitely not the best song made by lemon demon. well i guess thats mostly up to interpretation, but its not the best. the message is cool!!! conspiracy theorist going fucking batshit crazy?? hell yeah!! cabinet man (😳) how the fuc did this man get in cabinet???? hfgbrfj.. ANYWAYS the beep boop instrumental is one of THE BEST on the album next to the very epic instrumental of as your father i expressly forbid it. anyways, the lyrics and beat are v nice v satisfying!! i love singing this song like, only third to as your father and soft fuzzy man!! singing is hard :[ no eyed girl (where are her eyes???) neil is a monster/alien fucker and you cannot change my mind. no eyed girl is one of my favorite songs!! i mean all of the lemon demon songs are one of my favorite songs but... um,, ANYWAYS. imagine being some guy who just like, made the world get destroyed bc you were horny over an alien. when he died (holy fuck what is up with this dude) the amount of mysteries that are brought up in thius song is AMAZING. when i listen to lemon demon on alexa the only albums i have access to are nature tapes and spirit phone (because i use spotify and not apple music) and i hear this all the time!! its ALWAYS a good time very bangin very jammin 20/10 sweet bod (aha 😳 what do you mean im eating a dead body) neil?? are you sure it isnt sexual??? super synthy and cool!! the funk never ends!!! funky town!! never go down!! (im sorry) the idea of drinking dead bodies to cure cancer though not very cash money. wowie zowie capitalism!! the lyrics make me uncomfortable if im listening to it with someone else BUT if im alone i will scream sing this song eighth wonder!! (goofy mongoose ends humanity) i heard like in the commentary that neil was proud of this song and honestly, i dont blame him. VERY jammin. i keep saying jammin but i dont have synonyms. i havent read that news article about gef but i should sometime!! the way the song just is is just mwah ancient aliens!! (caveman go aaaaa) i dont have much to say about this one because it isnt my favorite. NOT because it doesnt jam hard but its just not as good as other ones. man i am mostly just praising neil. this is fun to sing!! instrumental is VERY cool bery epic,,, soft fuzzy man (hhhottie 😳) this is my FAVORITEEEEE i can say SO much about this song on how it JAMS. the little beep boop after the first part is GREAT I LOVE IT. the chorus lives rent free in my brain. singing this is the best source of serotonin !!! ahhh the lyrics and the message!! very cool!! i love that neil made this song as a comment on dudes who think being mysterious is cool (yucfky ew) one lyric taken out of context makes me feel weird but like idk i just link it with something not great (once you go hazy you’ll understand i’m your soft fuzzy man sounds like he roofied someone) BUT i can ignore that because that wasnt the intention of the lyric!! very ebic songgg. as your father i expressly forbid it!! (neils my dad???) whoa,, neil scrEAM,,,, honestly i cant stop thinking of neil’s daughter while listening to this (sorry) but umm THE INSTRUMENTAL IS THE B EST!! the little beeop boop>?>?? YES i love it sorry about like not being able to get ideas across my brain is old computer stalling noise rn i earn my life (he damn earned it) this is my moms favorite!! (yeah she likes it too surprisingly!!) this song is really nice,, verry cool little instrumental bits!! awesome!! singing it is a 10/10 experience!!! reaganomics!! (baby, baby. YEAHHHHHH) whoa!!! ronald reagan?? and he wants to take you for a ride?? anyways, whoa!! instrumental!! i can tell that neil puts a lot of effort into his songs because ALL of the main tracks are bangers. man-made object (shit i caught insomnia from looking at the moon😔) SO big ol giant tower towering over everything!!! i kinda have a bad experience with this song because when i drew fanart for it my friend misconstrued the tie i drew with... a sexual organ. (hes fucked up) does NOT mean the song is bad but i get reminded of that whenever i listen to it. very COOL SONG!! YES!! build that giant skyscraper girl you go spiral of ants (im im caught in the spiral of ants girl) whoa last song... ON THE MAIN TRACK AHAHA!! just kidding i cant do the bonus tracks. ANYWAYS whoa!! a tornado of ants? count me in! the lyrics are very epic!! and fun to sing except for the AND WE BECAME A HURRICANE because its a high note and i suck at high notes 😔i did it once but i cant anymore 😔😔this sounds very nice i love it!! if you read this all the way,, fucking,,,, thANKS because this is hella long im sorry i hope you liked my opinions bye!! <3 i’ll be doing more album stuff in the future (possibly even tonight because i have nothing to do with my life.

#lemon demon #neil cicierega #:]

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 4 years ago

Text

Discord pt 98

[Date: 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:50 AM GMT]

[CW for unethical floral experimentation, injury mention]

kateza affectionate: “mona, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?”

Maxwell: “....i....think we should tell her about the other stuff

mona”

Little-K1ng: “............theres more????”

Marcus: “.........heh”

Little-K1ng: “uh. heh?”

Maxwell: “I saw syds observation post from yesterday...it had a scrrenshot of something I said, and jack and them told me thats what you didnt want me seeing yesterday....”

Marcus: “Oh that

....yeah”

Little-K1ng: “O_O

uh..........................................................”

Marcus: “...that’s kind of what the argument was about”

Little-K1ng: “,,,,,,,,,,,,um

oh fuck. i

max...”

Maxwell: “im not upset”

Little-K1ng: “i just...”

Maxwell: “i took some time”

Little-K1ng: “you're... not?”

Maxwell: “and i get why you did it

yeah

but”

kateza affectionate: “you're in an unprecedented situation. a situation that keeps getting worse and worse with seemingly no reprieve. I don't blame you for slipping up here and there- there's so much stress involved that it's almost expected for you to be upset. i don't think anyone blames you for doing these things. that's all i wanted to say.”

Maxwell: “its gotten worse

baroness has images of more times where i've slipped up

at least twice during my argument with her”

Little-K1ng: “oh christ”

Maxwell: “and then I switched back to ender for certain words....”

Little-K1ng: “i.....”

Maxwell: “and....i sent prince an ask on faer blog....”

Little-K1ng: “you... did?”

Maxwell: “saying i was sorry for upsetting faem and i hoped i could see faem again soon”

Little-K1ng: “oh no oh no

oh max....”

Maxwell: “fae said "see you soon, page"”

Marcus: “...max signed the ask as page as well”

Maxwell: “no no

the was the second one”

Marcus: “..there was one before??”

Maxwell: “after he answered the first one i closed my eyes to breath”

Little-K1ng: “how can i be getting worse so much faster....”

Marcus: “.....I don’t...remember”

Little-K1ng: “unless...”

Marcus: “...huh”

Little-K1ng: “oh fucking christ no non on ono nonon ono nonono.....”

Maxwell: “and when I opened them like three minutes had passed and I had sent an ask as page apparently”

Little-K1ng: “did..... did crown do something? did he get in? did he get in when i left the door open??? and make it worse???????”

Marcus: “...I don’t

...max i don’t remember you sending an ask

Only page”

Little-K1ng: “is it my fault? did... did i do that? did i really.... i..... left you vulnerable....... i....”

Maxwell: “no it isnt your fault”

Little-K1ng: “i just....... this doesnt.... this doesnt hurt me nearly as much as it should.... im not... im still not upset..?”

Marcus: “Mona, Crown didn’t come in...I would’ve seen him. It’s not your fault”

kateza affectionate: “this isn't your fault mona

you're probably emotionally tired”

Little-K1ng: “but i just... i still just feel empty about it. i feel fully justified about this and i know i fucked up but im not hurt”

Raeva: “oh...”

Maxwell: “uh....I have marigold tea if you want some”

Little-K1ng: “i cant even fucking apologize right”

Marcus: “You didn’t mess up

...max what”

kateza affectionate: “you're emotionally burnt out, Mona. This is a bad situation”

Little-K1ng: “wh. where did you get marigolds?”

Maxwell: “oH

uH”

Marcus: “max”

Little-K1ng: “....;max????”

Maxwell: “hm.....well....

Little-K1ng: “max i dont have any tea except dandelion root

you're 16 you dont have money or a car

where the fuck,????”

Maxwell: “fetch was hurt....and i wanted to make sure I could help him tomorrow if he came back home tomorrow”

Marcus: “.....arent the flowers on your laurel...”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “max you didnt”

Little-K1ng: “mAaAaAaX??!!!!

what the HELL”

Marcus: “Don’t yell at him!”

Little-K1ng: “ahhhhh??????????????

im ??? not yelling on purpose im just????????

what the hell ??????”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help and it works?!”

Marcus: “you tested it???”

Maxwell: “yes”

Little-K1ng: “thats such a silly idea max of course it worked??? magic is like that sometimes??? but why would you have even thought about it ?????????”

Marcus: “max”

Maxwell: “i...”

Little-K1ng: “thats so silly how did it taste wh”

Maxwell: “i knew marigolds have the ability to help heal wounds...they can help speed up the process sometimes by a couple of days”

Marcus: “Are you okay??”

Maxwell: “they can help with blood flow”

Marcus: “Which ones did you cut off? Did you only cut one?”

Little-K1ng: “are you???? ok max first of all. heavy metal poisoning speedrunning. nice one. but also. dude cmon they double when you do that”

Maxwell: “and can sometimes even be used to treat infections...

i only cut one but it workss”

Little-K1ng: “one flower for how much ??”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “like. did the water change color? bubble strangely? make fucked up ender noises at you??”

Maxwell: “i got a scrape on my arm when I was pacing outside waiting for fetch and I dipped a paper towel in it and put it on the wound”

Little-K1ng: “god maybe i am emotionally exhausted”

Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”

Marcus: “...I kinda hope it made ender noises that would be funny”

[Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”]

Little-K1ng: “hUH”

Maxwell: “it healed the wound faster than normal

not completely but enough”

Little-K1ng: “oh you better hope you dont do that too much and find out once your laurel wilts the wounds just open wtf”

Marcus: “I don’t think normal marigolds do that”

Little-K1ng: “thats like. supremely fucked dude??? thats weird.”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “...interesting”

Little-K1ng: “if you only used one did you??? just use the one i cut?”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help fetch

no the...one you cut was a bud

i needed one with petals that was bloomed...”

Marcus: “Y’know Max, I don’t think anyone else would’ve tried that”

Maxwell: “also the bud hasnt wilted despite being cut off a day ago...

but yeah i needed petals”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i tried to take em off when it was on my head but it felt like I was pulling out my hair so i stopped and just....”

Little-K1ng: “no, i understand the need. i get it. i want to help fetch too and honestly? i would have done the same”

Maxwell: “took a whole one”

Marcus: “...are you okay?

How did that not wake me up”

Little-K1ng: “im. i just. i feel so screwed up about this whole thing.”

Maxwell: “i didnt yell”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “i numbed it with ice and grabbed the scissors

fetch wasnt happy when i told him”

Little-K1ng: “well of course not”

Maxwell: “jack saw it as an experiment”

Marcus: “...you talked to fetch?

Like directly?”

Little-K1ng: “you told him???”

Maxwell: “no he was messaging her”

Little-K1ng: “i dont even tell him when i hide a pill in some cheese for him

wait dont tell him that i said that”

Marcus: “I thought he just gave an update and that’s how you knew about stuff”

Maxwell: “to let us know he wouldnt be home tonight

yeah and i said i knew a way to help heal him”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “he...knew i was gonna do something I shouldnt have

theres still quite a bit left”

Marcus: “....i can see why he would think that”

Maxwell: “it's in a bowl....

....you can use some if you need it”

Little-K1ng: “...........ok. would it be weird. if i drank it

like a little bit

maybe itll?? pick up my mood or something”

Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”

Maxwell: “i dont know if it works for moods”

Little-K1ng: “god i WISH”

Maxwell: “uh give me a sec”

[Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”]

Little-K1ng: “MARCUS IF IT DOES THAT IM GIVING YOU TWO THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE”

Maxwell: “you could try but as far as i remember it wont work

it works for wounds and inflammatory stuff”

Little-K1ng: “damn”

Marcus: “Why would you give it to me-”

Little-K1ng: “yeah ill be honest i maybe do not want the weird rat juice . at least not right now”

Maxwell: “its...flower

i put the petals in a pot and boiled em”

Little-K1ng: “Brain Flower of the Rat is not exactly the most appealing tea flavor, max. with all due respect”

Maxwell: “then i strained them”

Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”

Maxwell: “actually tastes slightly like normal water...

if anything slightly sweet

jack said it might taste like rose water”

[Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”]

Little-K1ng: “sick new lacroix flavor”

[Maxwell: “jack said it might taste like rose water”]

Little-K1ng: “.....rose water?”

Maxwell: “yeah you boil the roses then strain em into a bowl

like i did with the marigolds”

Little-K1ng: “i like rose water... :/ guess maybe i do want the fucked up rat brain plant water”

Maxwell: “you could try some its not like I cant make more”

Little-K1ng: “....hm !!! dont like that

do not make more rat water”

Maxwell: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i will try some but do not make more”

Marcus: “...please stop calling it rat water?”

Little-K1ng: “marcus?? do you want to try some (Patent Pending) Maxwell Ratatouille's Funky Fresh Brain Tea™️?”

Maxwell: “....

im too tired for this shit”

Little-K1ng: “im coping max.”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “ fair”

Marcus: “I don’t have any injuries?”

Maxwell: “im.....i might go to sleep soon....

who?”

Marcus: “Who?”

Little-K1ng: “we dont have injuries

basically

okay so uh?? bottoms up i guess”

sip sip

sip

Marcus: “..oh wait

My elbow?

Does it work on old injuries?”

Little-K1ng: “uh. hm

it tastes good?”

Maxwell: “oh yeah its burned! it wont get rid of the injury but it might help with any lingering pain?”

Little-K1ng: “it tastes nice actually, the rose water thing was actually accurate

........................................huh

wtf”

kateza affectionate: “I’m gonna head to bed. Stay safe y’all. Much love /p”

Little-K1ng: “gn Kate !

hm. okay”

Maxwell: “hm?”

Marcus: “What Mona?”

Little-K1ng: “so. i may have forgotten to mention out loud to yall but i have some pretty bad joint pain

like, typically, its a mid level pain all the time

and its jsut? less

less pain

thats nice”

Maxwell: “told ya it works!”

Little-K1ng: “it.... does !

dont make more though

ill enjoy this for as long as it lasts but for gods sake max dont pick the laurel for tea”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more rat juice max”

Little-K1ng: “gonna do a rat juice high five marcus

try it??”

Marcus: “I’ll..try just applying it to my elbow”

Little-K1ng: “something something dab joke”

Marcus: “Man you really are tired huh?

Little-K1ng: “i am so tired

work was hard

and i came home, expecting like, the remnants of a fight”

Marcus: “Okay- oh”

Little-K1ng: “only to realize that like, just about every problem for the last 2 days are probably entirely my fault”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “and i dont actually have it in me to think i actually did anything wrong and i keep getting angry and snapping at people who dont deserve it”

Marcus: “Mona it’s fine

I promise”

Little-K1ng: “<:(”

Maxwell: “you okay marcus”

Little-K1ng: “^this is an incredibly forced frown. again, i dont feel bad”

Maxwell: “the water didnt hurt you right?”

Marcus: “Huh?

No it’s quite soothing actually”

Little-K1ng: “yeah weird right ??”

Marcus: “A bit”

Little-K1ng: “i WILL physically fight you max if you try to make more though

i will get mad. dont”

Maxwell: “....sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i mean dont be sorry for trying it, that was a good idea

but you've done it once, thats enough”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more max”

Little-K1ng: “for safety reasons”

Marcus: “Yeah”

Little-K1ng: “i dont know how easily those stems get infected

and with how deep they run i really dont want you to find out

i already endangered you all this far, please dont help me do that

guys... you both look so tired”

Maxwell: “you wont endagenr us its fein”

Little-K1ng: “maybe you should go to bed”

Maxwell: “im fien”

Little-K1ng: “sounds like it ,':)

head to the tulips, dormouse :)!”

Maxwell: “fuckign what”

Maxwell: “awwwww i love emas”

Little-K1ng: “do you guys want to sleep in the living room? my bed is pretty huge”

Maxwell: “oh iv emafe a neast on the fllor”

Little-K1ng: “oh perfect, and it looks like marcus is already asleep :) thats okay!! goodnight you guys”

Maxwell: “nihgtn”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years ago

Text

mtmte liveblog issue 17

and we’re back!

phew I had to take a hiatus to work on other projects but now that those are done I'm baaaack

god I'm SO fucking excited for this arc, I fucking love it

OH NO TAILGATE...I almost forgot...this poor little dude

REMAIN IN LIGHT BABEYYYYY!!! I fucking love that title, talking heads is probably my favorite band Ever, and that album is one of my favorites, so when I first saw it here I was super excited lol. it’s such a good title, both for the album and for this arc

tailgate goes right to cyclonus ;_; hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

also...I just love the way milne draws cyclonus, he’s the perfect mix of terrifying and handsome, and also goth

ohhhhh I forgot about the framing device used here, with rodimus in jail later on in this arc, narrating retrospectively

cybercrosis, add that to this list of amusing robo-puns, as a play on (I'm assuming) necrosis, aka tissue death

oof, ratchet saying that tailgate ‘lived a full life,’ which is fucking brutal because we as the readers know that isn't true :(

tg is right tho, it seems v uncommon for tfs to die of old age. that's some shit luck right there, espec bc tg is basically a baby who was asleep for 6 million years

ratchet talking abt pharma and looking at his hands...I See That

ratchets bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired hvbhjdsubfjsd jesus dude

and then there's cyclonus, whos also pretty terrible at being tactful

AUGHHHH and then cyclonus, like the emotionally repressed icon he is, goes and claws his own face up in grief rather than express any emotion to tailgate :( I'm in physical pain thanks

rodimus is like, wait...informing my crew about my actions? lmao? uhh what quest...oh yeah we’re on a quest. yeaaaah whatever man

the portal helllllll yessssssss

poor tg drinking away his impending death

oh man, chromedomes weird fucked up skeleton arm

rodimus hhvbhjaudsfbjaskdf he’s like yeahhhh I'm not even gonna pretend to indulge in democracy, we are GOING thru that giant ass space portal whether you fools like it or not

AND THERES THE MFING MOON BABEYYYY!

luna 1!!!!!! they found the missing moon BY ACCIDENT, fucking iconic

still cant believe rodimus’s office is HOT PINK with a FLAME DECAL around the door. unreal

awww I love percy

rodimus, in a shocking show of maturity, admits that rung was correct to be harsh with him about the whole overlord thing

the squad gettin together ayyyy

rodimus reminding us all that this ISNT just a party ship full of frat boys, people have DIED

when you see tg and realize that that was cyclonus’s request ;_;

aughhh and cyc saying ‘never hope. hope is a lie.’ that kills me man aughhhh

like, cyclonus clearly doesn't want to deal with the emotions he’s feeling over tg dying so he’s trying to make sure that tg accepts death and doesn't hope for a cure, bc that would hurt cyclonus MORE, and he’s already unused to all these ‘emotions’ n shit

I'm sorry but the MARBs just look so fuckin dorky bvhjakbdfhsf beep beep here comes the dweeb squad!!! lmaoooo

cd being like ‘can’t we just drive’ and perceptor is right there like :| LMAOOOO

also I love cd saying ‘sometimes I wonder why we even have alt modes’ bc I feel like that's such a witty dig at the fact that in this series about robots that transform into cars, we rarely get to seem them actually DO that

its especially interesting when you consider how important functionism is in this story - alt modes are super important in that context, but we still rarely get to see them. hell, we literally NEVER saw megatrons alt mode, which is still crazy to me

ohhhh man I love that panel where the whole moon lights up, that's just amazing

congratulations, rodimus! it’s....a shitton of babies!

also broooo I ufcking love the fact that you barely even notice that rung ALSO hopped down onto the moon at the same time as rodimus...brilliant

god now I need to go find that ‘am i pragnent?’ video lmaooo

why....why did you have to use the word ‘fertilized,’ jro. why....

cold construction lore time!

do I wanna do my big biology speech here? I'm trying to figure out where it would go best...I think ill save it for later in this arc

god I fucking love brainstorm. his entire little speech about how he ‘went to marches’ for cold construction rights and whatnot is so funny with the added context that he’s an MTO and wasn't even around for that

skids, don't just sit in the spooky oil reservoir, alone, after you just went thru a mysterious portal, you should be more genre savvy than that

what am I saying, this is the guy who wants his memories back even though he’s been told multiple times that it’ll probably traumatize him to death

brainstorm with the 0.1%er spark [eyes emoji]

I love percy just being horrified at the lack of proper scientific conduct from brainstorm like, all the time

I see the cons have their own edgy, weaponed-up version of the MARBs

MINIMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love him aughhh I'm so excited for the stuff w/him this arc

also I totally forgot that you’re supposed to see him introduce himself as ‘ambus’ and be like whoa wait is that dominus????? or someone adjacent to him????

skids vs legislators: part 2!

P H A R M A

DR THOT HIMSELF.....back and immediately making a hand pun, with his chainsaw arm displayed in full glory....amazing

cant believe jro named this one ‘the fecund moon,’ which forced me to google what ‘fecund’ means, which led me to go ‘oh good lord jro WHY’ lmao

I do love that we don't see the ‘part 1 of 5′ til the end - that's a great small reveal that hey, we’re in an arc now!

so there's the end of issue one of remain in light! aughh, I'm so fucking excited for this arc. my first two readthrus this was one of my favorite arcs (my other fav being the time travel arc), and I'm excited to see if its still at the top for me

I feel like the first time I read thru I like this arc a lot cause I actually understood most of it hbvhadjkfbaksjf unlike all the previous stuff, where I was a bit more confused - at this point I at least had a decent grasp on the characters and relationships, so that helped a lot

also apparently one of the songs of this issue is ‘heaven’ by talking heads which AUghhH that song makes me wanna float in the ocean and look at the stars. idk. also I find it a little ironic that that song isn't off the album remain in light lol

either way I love this issue, strong start to the arc with lots of intrigue and worldbuilding, and clearly some incoming status quo changes...cant wait!!

#lj rereads mtmte

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