#sorry but i couldn't help myself from writting this

[madricat]

Pompeii Part 4: happy birthday

Summary: Carlos goes through more pain with having to continue his life but what if doing so allows him to gain some happiness again?

Genre: Angst and fluff

Notes: Pompeii Part 4! not really proof read so may be grammar mistakes

Warnings: ANGSTY, MENTIONS OF DEATH, YELLING, CRYING

check out Ducky's first parts pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3

As the month dragged by, Carlos wasn't the same anymore. Every night Carlos would cry himself to sleep at the thought of getting older without his triplets. And with the rebuild of Casita, it made him feel even worse. He couldn’t bring himself to go back to the place that killed both of you. So he never helped rebuild Casita; instead, he would go back to the river every day.

Every time he visited he would bring some of your’s and Camilo’s favorite food because he knew how mad you would be at him for not taking care of himself. During his time he would enjoy the peace of the quiet and only imagine what you guys would have been up to by now, maybe you would have confessed to your crush you told him about a year ago. Or imagine how many fights would end up with a cactus in Camilo cause he pissed off Isabela. Maybe you all would have ganged up against your older sister to make fun and park her new boyfriend. Oh right…yall never say that. Damn. You guys had missed so much in life so far, Carlos can't even bring himself to think of what else you guys would as well. By the time the sun set he would trench back to the house that some villagers were letting his family stay in. 

He arrived back in time for dinner. Once again he just ate his dinner in silence while everyone else was chatting away. He was about to excuse himself when his abuela said something.

“Family, we are all grateful for the help to rebuild our lovely Casita. Tomorrow we shall finally be able to move back in, so tonight please gather up all your stuff so we are ready to move.” 

By the end of dinner Carlos dragged himself back into the room he was staying in. He didn't want to leave yet. Not that he liked this place no, he just didn't want to go back to the same place he lost his meaning to live. The place where the lives of triplets were lost. He didnt even wanna walk near there, let alone live there. But he had no choice, no matter how hard he wanted to avoid this time.

Thankfully he didn't have much to pack anyway, it only took him about an hour. He only had one last thing to pack tho. There he looked at the photo frame that was faced down on his night stand. With a shaking hand he hesitantly lifted it up to reveal a photo of you three on your thirteenth birthday. All of you laughing together while cake smeared all over y’all cause Carlos decided to start a cake fight.

He choked. He remembered all the fun birthdays shared and didn't realize that last year was gonna be the last ever time.

“Hermano wake up, we get to go back to Casita today!” and enthusiastic Antonio squeaked. 

Carlos weakly opened his eyes that were glue shut from the tears that poured last night. 

“Calmate im getting up”

When he got up body was sore. He had slept all night in the same position clenching onto the photo of you three close to his chest.

Everyone was standing around the path to casita while mirabel was holding a custom doorknob just for her

“I see me..all of me” she said with tears in her eyes

Once she placed the doorknob in magic spread all throughout the house and bringing it back to life, literally.

Everyone started flooding through the doors bringing back the atmosphere of their once beloved home. But Carlos didn't budge. He stood there staring at the house which he dreaded going back into. A pain started to fill every cavity of his chest just remembering that sight he saw of his siblings. When all of a sudden a hand was placed on his shoulder.

“ It hurts me as well, but we both know that they would want us to go in, no matter how much of chickens they would be acting right now,” Dolores said, causing a low chuckle from Carlos. 

She reached her hand out for him to grab. Slowly he held on to his big sister's hand as he was about to do one of the most painful things in his life, going back to that dreaded place. 

As they both walked through the door side by side he tried hard to stay strong and put on a brave face. Once he stepped in he was flooded by amazing memories he had with you two

“ Hey Stupid what would happen if we started spinning you in the hammock?” an 11 year old Carlos exclaimed to his brother.

“Only one way to find out!” a young and very stupid Camilo agreed.

Flash forward to within 5 minutes with Camilo in a hammock wearing a helmet and holding onto the sides of it for dear life, and on the other side Carlos on the end of the hammock ready to spin him. 

“What are you doing now?!” came in young y/n holding an empanada you just got from your tia.

“ About to see what happens to milo if we spin him in the hammock”

“I’ve got a helmet!” he interrupted.

“Yes he has a helmet. So you gonna help us or not”

“Fineeee” young you had said while stuffing the rest of your empanada in your mouth so you could help them.

“ ha remember that time we convinced Camilo to go into the hammock and spin him around” he said to his sister, remembering the memory

“ isn’t it the time he flung out and you guys had tia keep it a secret from mama cause you both knew you’d get in trouble”

“Haha yeah…it was fun”

Dolores had a smile escape from her seeing him laugh and remember the good times they all had together.

It has been a month now since they’ve moved back in. Almost everyone had gotten comfy again and settled back in. All but Carlos. Ever since they came back he hasn't opened his door. He didn’t want his powers back, it would only pain him to remember his matching gift with his triplets. And not seeing your guys' doors near his anymore hurts like hell. So instead he has been sleeping in Antonio’s room since Pepa wont let him sleep on the couch downstairs all by himself. 

At dinner tonight something seemed off. Everyone's chatter sort of seemed a bit forced like they were all trying to hold something in. You can clearly tell in Mirabel’s face that she couldn’t keep straight. All of the sudden it seemed like Pepa had gotten the courage to speak. 

“Carlos it’s your birthday tomorrow, would you like anything?” she asked with hesitation.

“ …I don't want to celebrate,” he said, holding back his tears. He had lost all track of time that he didn’t even notice it was almost his birthday. His birthday…no. It should have been an our birthday instead. He should have celebrated it alongside both of you. Now that he realizes it it was always you and Milo who made a bigger deal out of your guys birthday. All week he would have heard about it. All planning what gifts you wanted to get or who won the vote of the cake flavor this year. But none of it was gonna happen

With this he excused himself from the table and headed up to his room. While he was there he looked at the photo frame that was faced down on his night stand. With a shaking hand he hesitantly lifted it up to reveal a photo of you three on your thirteenth birthday. All of you laughing together while cake smeared all over you all cause Carlos decided to start a cake fight.

He choked. He remembered all the fun birthdays shared and didn't realize that last year was gonna be the last ever time.

“Happy birthday!” Carlos heard while being licked in the face by Antonio’s jaguar. What an amazing wake up call. 

“Alright Alright i’m awake” he said half awake.

After he had gotten up and ready for the day he and Antonio headed down for breakfast.

When they got downstairs you could tell that the atmosphere felt a bit weird.

“Happy Birthday mijo” Felix calmly said to his son while placing a hand on his back.

“Gracias papa”

“ I miss them greatly as well, but we'll get through this together.”

“Carlos glanced over, giving him a slight smile for the kind gesture. 

It was now a bit later in the day. Carlos was waiting for his tia to finish making some food for him to take for today. 

During his aimless walk around he ended up going up upstairs. Walking along the edge he held his arm out to let his fingers sweep by the railing. He just did many aimless laps around, only moving to not run into plants. Yet during all this he didnt think a thing. His mind was just blank. 

During lap who knows what, while he was walking he didn't pay attention and tipped over a small vase.

Doing this made him snap out of his trance. Quickly picking up the mess he made he finally realized where he was. There in front of him was his unopened door. He paused his cleaning and just stared at it.

“We both know you should open it”

A whisper voice appeared out of nowhere, scaring the hell out of him.

“AHHH! DOLORES WHAT DA HELL?!”

“Lo siento hermano”

“...maybe your right”

“ que?”

“ I mean those losers would have wanted me to open it by now right?”

“Agreed”

“Should I…?”

“It’s your decision”

Upon hearing this Carlos closed his eyes and took a deep breath. With fear in his eyes he looked at the doorknob. He took small slow steps towards the door and once he reached it his breathing hitched. Raising his hand upwards to grip the doorknob. When his hand was hovering over it he froze. Is he really gonna do this? How will he live with himself? But it’s what they would want right? But it still wouldn’t be the same? The more questions he wondered the fear was more evident on his face then over. Looking over his shoulder to glance at his sister she gave a resuring headnod that it’s okay. With this he finally lowered his hand and gripped on the doorknob. But nothing happened. The door was still blank. Confusion started to rise

“Did it work?”

“I don't know let me give it a try”

He tried to transform into anyone…but his appearance stayed the same.

“Wh-what’s happening?” a distressed Carlos asked

“I-i don't know!” said an equally confused Dolores

Carlos held up both of his hands, they were shaking crazy. His eyes darted all around trying to unscramble the mess in his brain. He looked up to meet the eyes of his sister, his lip trembling.

“CARLOS YOUR FOOD IS READY!” yelled his tia from the kitchen

“...I have to go”

With this he ran down stairs and swiftly grabbed the basket off the counter and ran. He didn’t know where he was running, he just let his feet guide him.

Finally when his feet stopped he looked up to see where he was. He had ran all the way to your guys’ graves. He hasn’t visited here ever since where you guys were buried, it pained him to come here again. Upon closer look he realized that the ruanas he placed on the grave stones were gone

“ No, no where did they go?!” he yeld while holding back a sob stuck in his throat. 

He collapsed to the floor gripping his ruana near his chest. A pain unimaginable was in his heart. How much more could this day pain him? He sat there balling his eyes out. All the pain that had been building up from today was being released.

“ hey loser you don't look good crying” said a familiar voice

Carlos shot his head up to see who was talking. His hair was a mess and his eyes were bloodshot from the violent sobs. When he looked up he saw a sight he missed all too well.

“Ca-camilo…?”

“Yup! I would say in the flesh but umm yeahhh”

“How are you-where’s y/n?!”

“Over here dumbass”

Carlos shot his head back to see the sight of his sibling standing there. Oh god how much he missed it

“Wait how are you guys-”

“Well, if you would have been smart, I believe you got a new gift. Oh, and we never got the chance to thank you for our ruanas, it was getting cold.” you said.

“Ha your welcome then”

" Now you have to catch us up on everything though"

That was his new gift, being able to talk to the dead. Maybe his gift was still connected to his siblings in the end after all…

[dewdropdinosaur]

Lay All Your Love On Me

ALASTOR X READER X LUCIFER Summary: Insecurity bites harder than one would think in the underworld, and you are no stranger to its sting. However, with two affleunt and attractive boyfriends, you may learn just how beautiful you are. (AKA: My lovely you are beautiful the way you are and these boys wanna show you) Warnings: NSFW/18+ Oral sex/cunnilingus, implied P in V, nipple play, Dom/Sub dynamics, use of names such as "Daddy"/"Ducky" in sexual context, restraints, SMUT Only my second time writting smut so...sorry Requested by @boogiewoog Requests OPEN

In the vibrant, chaotic realm of Hell, where redemption seemed like a distant dream, a unique bond blossomed among three unlikely souls - Alastor, Lucifer, and Y/N. Alastor, the radio demon with a twisted sense of humor, Lucifer, the suave and sophisticated ruler of Hell, and Y/N, a human soul, whose presence brought light to the darkest corners of their world. Nothing could ever compare the joy that Y/N had awoken within the two demons, loving them both equally proved no challenge for her bright soul. With her love and guidance, the relationship bloomed and soon all three parties fell head over hooves in love with each other. From dates in Alastor’s radio tower, to Lulu Land, or helping Y/N work around the kitchen; Hell seemed like Heaven. 

However, not everything was sunshine and rubber ducks. At least for Y/N. One evening, as the crimson sky draped over the cityscape of Hell, Y/N found herself consumed by her own insecurities. She sat alone in her room, the flickering candlelight casting shadows across the space. Her fingers traced the scars and imperfections on her skin, each one a reminder to herself that even in death, she couldn’t look how other people did. Dating one handsome and affluent demon was one thing, but two was another all together. What if she wasn’t good enough for them, what if someone else came along? What if Lillith came back, heaven forbid, Y/N just knew Lucifer would leave her in the dust the second that demoness walked through the doors., Y/N couldn't shake the nagging whispers of doubt that plagued her mind, centered around her own insecurities about her body. She just couldn't help but scrutinize every curve and contour of her form. The voices of doubt echoed in her mind, taunting her with their cruel words, as she fought to hold back tears.

Just then, a gentle knock sounded at the door, and in walked Alastor, his signature grin brightening the room like a ray of sunshine. Beside him stood Lucifer, his elated gaze filled with slight concern as he took in Y/N's troubled expression.

“Ducky, we just came to get you for dinner! Al made a real nice…something. What did you say was in it again?”

“It’s just jambalaya, I promise all normal ingredients. Why don’t you join us darling?”

“That’s alright, guys. I think I’m not super hungry right now.” Shying away from Lucifer’s embrace, Y/N wrapped her arms around her waist. 

Alastor and Lucifer sensed her distress, looking at each other the moment the words passed her lips.  With silent understanding, they came slowly to her side, their presence comforting and reassuring. Y/N looked up, her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over.

"Ducky, what’s going on in that head of yours?" Lucifer's voice was smooth like velvet, soothing her troubled mind.

Y/N hesitated, her voice barely a whisper. "I... I feel so insecure about my body. I can't help but compare myself to others, to feel like I'm not enough for you two."

Alastor knelt beside her, his grin warm and genuine. "Now, now, my dear. You are perfect just the way you are. Perfect just for us."

“But, I am not. Just look at me! I am not slender, heck you couldn’t put me next to anyone without noticing. Let alone Lillith or–” Holding her arms just to gesture to herself, Y/N could feel herself spill all her emotions manically. 

Suddenly, Lucifer grabbed her wrists and pinned her down against the bed. His smoldering gaze glowered down at her as his face leaned down to whisper in her ear. 

“I don’t want to hear that name off your pretty little lips, okay? You are mine, the one for me. Not her, not anyone else.” 

Coming to their side, Alastor joined his partner in looking down at Y/N. Using his hand to reach around and cup her chin, bringing her gaze to him. 

“My dear, I think out little darling needs to learn a little lesson. Mhmm?” 

A dark chuckle erupted from Lucifer’s throat, as he stood up and let his grip go. Both men now stared down at their partner, who laid on the bed; half near tears from her thoughts and half near moaning at the sight of her boys looking at her in such a manner. 

"We love you, Y/N," Alastor murmured, his voice soft like a melody. "Every inch of you, flaws and all." Slow kisses started down her neck and chest, heat blooming in her core. Attempting to maneneur her shirt lower, her hands werre halted by Lucifer; who grabbed her wrist and pinned them to the headboard as the red demon continued a show of his devotion. 

“Ducky, you are going to learn very quickly. Your pleasure, is our only concern.”

With a quick snap of his fingers, all clothes were removed from Y/N and both men were left shirtless; toned and slender bodies on full display. Both men’s eyes darkened with hunger at the sight of her bare form, a silent understanding among them of what was about to happen. 

Alastor leaned down and took one of her hardened nipples in his mouth, the warmth of his tongue teasing the aroused bud. Dragging her hands across her torso, he slowly marked her skin with his hands. Lucifer, instead dipped down and spread her thighs, enjoying the way they felt in his hands. Slowly kissing up her thighs, just barely ghosting over where she needed him most, Y/N let out a soft moan. 

“Darling, see what you do to us? You are absolutely breathtaking.”

“Driving me mad ducky, fuck, you are just so good to squeeze.” 

Finally giving into her whimpers, Lucifer licked one long stripe up her dripping slit. Y/N gripped the sheets below her, legs attempting to get away from the overwhelming sensation. Alastor pinned her legs to the bed, as his mouth came off her nipple with a pop. 

“Now darling, let the man finish his meal. He hasn’t even started yet.” Lucifer then dived into her cunt like a man starved, sucking on her clit and slurping her jucies that it was better than heavenly ambrosia; while Alastor moved his minstratitions to her neck, sucking softly. It was only a matter of time before that familiar band became taut in her stomach. 

“Fuck, Luci…baby please.”

“Let go ducky, cum all over daddy’s face.” 

That’s what did it, Y/N felt the coil in her stomach snap as she cried Lucifer’s name. Cum now coated his face and the bedsheets below as her high overtook her senses and she saw stars. Lifting his head up slowly, slick shone and glinted. Licking his lips, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips and both moaned at the salty taste. Pulling back, Lucifer looked at Alastor who smirked; grabbing Y/N’s chin and forcing her gaze to him. 

“Now darling, how would you like your beautiful lips to scream my name next?” 

As the night unfolded, Y/N found solace in the arms of her two loves, their embrace a sanctuary from the harsh whispers of doubt that had plagued her for so long. In their presence, she discovered a newfound sense of confidence, knowing that no matter what challenges lay ahead, she would always have Alastor and Lucifer by her side, guiding her through the shadows and into the light of self-acceptance.

In the heart of Hazbin Hotel, amidst the chaos and clamor, a quiet moment of love blossomed, as Alastor and Lucifer vowed to stand by Y/N's side, their bond unbreakable and their love unconditional.

[ao3-shenanigans]

Hey there. Not sure if this is the right place to ask but I couldn't really think of where else to ask it as I'm new to AO3 so here goes.

I published two works to AO3 over the past few days, both original works, and i was really proud of myself for it especially as I'm dyslexic and was really stressed about the formating because of all the posts I've seen of people complaining about poor layout in fanfictions. But one work is at 6 hits and the other just reached 5 hits and neither has any comments, bookmarks or even kudos despite me asking for comments with feedback in the notes section at the top of the work. I'm kinda starting to doubt my own writing quality and it sucks more because everyone i showed it to before publishing it, friends and family, said it was really good and even pointed out parts they liked best. The whole thing has actually kinda discouraged me from publishing anything else on AO3.

Is it normal for works in the original work and no fandom category to just kinda fall into the abyss of AO3? And is it normal for people to just not comment or even kudos works? Or am I just over thinking it? If so how do I stop convincing myself my writting sucks? Sorry for the long ask I've just been over thinking it a lot.

I’m not someone who publishes to ao3 often, but the few times I have it’s been for very very small fandoms (such as Of Mice and Men) and as such they don’t get as much love and attention compared to say My Hero Academia fanfics or Dr.Who

I don’t know what’s the appetite for original works on ao3 but I assume it’s likely less than fanfiction by a considerable amount and as such it might be taking a while for readers to find it

It sounds like you got someone to help beta read which is awesome! Your friends and family sound like great folks!

What was your story about?

[iaminyourdreamssz]

they don't return your feelings...

A/N: So this is going to be a little bit bad bc of my bad writting. I hope you guys enjoy and request all you want!

(kirishima, deku, and bakugou... seperated ofc)

Warnings: Angst thats it

Bakugou Katsuki:

I stared at him dumbfounded after he sat down, and offered me his hand. He's never been a fan of affection, nor never really hugged me. I mean I don't think a guy with a personality like his will ever do such things. I grabbed his hand and sat down beside him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" He questioned, not meeting my eyes and looking up at the sky.

"It surprised me when you wanted to grab my hand." I laughed awkwardly.

He didn't respond, but he got closer to me. Then i have to spoil it all by saying something stupid like--

"i love you."

"what?" He looked at me like I was crazy.. I'm not crazy. Why aren't you saying that you love me? What is wrong with you!? It's not my fault if he doesn't like me back right?

He doesn't have taste. I'm not the pathetic one.

I couldn't stop thinking about these same thoughts for days after he said

"I don't love you. I have to focus on myself, and if you are just here to slow me down then... we should not talk anymore" He got up and then started walking away.

I'm not pathetic...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Izuku Midoriya:

I didn't understand what was going on in our class. I asked Midoriya if he could explain the topic. He said yes and told me to meet him in his room after dinner. Just hearing him say that made me skip a beat. I always wanted to be alone with Izu. It's just he's always with his friends or training somewhere. I walked towards his bedroom door after I stuffed my belly with some ramen and rice. I knew I wasn't going to concentrate that easy. He makes me so nervous. I knock on his door and wait for him to answer. "Oh! uh! in a sec!"

a girl voice..

that was not Izuku's voice.

The door opens to reveal a flustered Izuku. I looked over his shoulder and saw Ururaka behind him even redder than he was. It clicked almost immediately. He never liked me... He loved her. Why am I still standing here like an idiot?

"So sorry! I think i should go" I spat out.

I walked away fast. I didn't want him to see my face.

I didn't want him to see my tears. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ejiro Kirishima:

Eijiro Kirishima was a force to be reckoned with – his fiery spirit matched only by the unyielding hardness of his quirk. But despite his formidable presence, there was one thing that eluded him: matters of the heart.

As he navigated the bustling corridors of U.A. High School, Kirishima couldn't help but notice the lingering stares and shy smiles directed his way. Among those admirers was Y/N, a fellow student whose affection for him burned brighter than the sun.

Yet, try as he might, Kirishima couldn't find it within himself to return Y/N's feelings. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate their friendship or value their presence in his life – far from it. But when it came to matters of romance, Kirishima found himself at a loss, unable to reciprocate the emotions that Y/N so openly displayed.

It was a source of constant guilt and discomfort for Kirishima, who struggled to find the words to convey his true feelings without hurting Y/N in the process. He knew that he couldn't continue to ignore the elephant in the room, but the thought of confronting Y/N about his lack of romantic interest filled him with a sense of dread.

As he settled into his seat for another day of classes, Kirishima couldn't shake the feeling of unease that lingered within him. He stole a glance in Y/N's direction, their eyes meeting briefly before Y/N quickly averted their gaze, a faint blush creeping up their cheeks.

Kirishima's heart sank at the sight, knowing that he was the cause of Y/N's discomfort. He wanted nothing more than to ease their worries and reassure them that their friendship meant the world to him. But try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to say the words that he knew would break Y/N's heart.

As the day wore on, Kirishima found himself retreating further into himself, the weight of his unspoken feelings pressing down on him like a leaden blanket. He knew that he couldn't continue to ignore the situation, that he owed it to Y/N to be honest about his emotions – or lack thereof.

But as the final bell rang and he made his way out of the classroom, Kirishima couldn't shake the feeling of dread that gripped him. He knew that the conversation he had been dreading was inevitable, and that no amount of avoidance could change the painful truth that lay between him and Y/N.

And so, with a heavy heart and a mind full of turmoil, Kirishima steel himself for the confrontation that awaited him, knowing that the bonds of friendship would be tested like never before.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: i wonder who is my fav

[ouiouibaguettt]

Against the world right?

((okayy so it's my first time writting something so please be indulgent and sorry it's a little short 😊

Feel free to ask a request

warning: no one i think thanks @Ivssss for the request!! Tell me if I did it correct! Danielle van de donk x Audrey Areola (oc!) Masterlist

Request: "Maybe you can write it like the ex (rachel varane (other oc)) who knows exactly how Danielle's life is and her new love (audrey areola) doesn't know how to calm her down, so she does reach out to the ex of Danielle, just to ask her to help?"

─ ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ── ⋅◈⋅ ━─┉┈◈❖◈┈┉─━ ⋅◈⋅ ─

Audrey's POV:

It's already been 1 year and a half that I'm with Daan and I couldn't be more happier it was complicated at the start because she was the ex of an international teammates of mine Rachel Varane. Okay, their relation ended on bad terms but Rachel was ok for me being with Danielle and besides she moved on with that spanish girl Leila Ouahabi.

It's been a week now since Danielle went out with an injury in training, although it's not too serious, she was mentally affected by it, talking about the fact that it would cause her less playing time. She rebuilt the walls that I had managed to break down a year ago.

In one week we managed to get more angry at each other than we had in the year and a half we had been together. I was trying to get her to tell me what I could have done to make her distance herself from me but she just dismissed me like she always does.

Not knowing what else to do I contacted Rachel to help me with the situation as she knows Danielle better. "Be there for her, don't push her to talk about it, she'll do it on her own" the man utd player said to me "Ok I see thank you very much Rach, and sorry for bothering you again, see you at the next camp" I said hanging up the phone and heading to Danielle's and my room.

After lying down next to her I feel her shoulders relax and rest her head on my chest. "I'm sorry I pushed you to talk when you didn't want to I didn't know what else to do" I say feeling guilty.

"Don't apologise my love, I'm sorry I distanced myself from you and made you think you might have done something. It's just that since training I'm afraid of aggravating my ankle every time, and that fear turns into anxiety and I can never deal with it." she said avoiding my gaze

"Please, next time try to talk to me about it you know I'm here for you sweetheart, you and me together against the rest of the world right?" I say smiling.

"You and me together against the rest of the world" she said kissing me before putting her head back on my chest and closing her eyes.

[hollowscreekmuses]

The Letter || Avery's self para

Avery was sitting in his living room pen in hand, he nervously taps with it on the notebook, he's been thinking about Jesse's idea of wtting a letter to his dads, and that's actually smart, theres not a lot you could say over text and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear his dads voices. Taking a deep breath, Ave starts.

"Hey, guys. It's me. Avery, the missing Son. To be honest I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with I'm sorry. To you both. I'm sorry I hit you (we'll come back to this) and I'm sorry I run without a word. I'm not gonna tell you guys where I am because i know it'll make it harder, you'll want to find me and I don't wanna be found. Not yet. I'm sorry for that too.

I'm okay. I've met some new people here and they have been helping me with my issues. Jesse is here too. (Remember him?) And Tyler (not my cousin but my old college roomate) I'm making friends and finding my new Path. I wish I could explain more but I can't.

It has to do with that night. The accident. Thats all I can say. My anger issues are back. But it's worse this time. A lot wrose. When that fight happen I knew I couldn't be around you guys, because there was no way I was gonna let that happen again. And dad (Axel) I'm sorry again, I know you kept saying it was nothing and that you can take a punch, but it was a lot to me. And you don't have to make excuses for your boy anyone, I'm not a kid who accidently breaks something and you want to get out of trouble, not anymore. I need to take responsability for what I did. I hurt you, not just physically and I'm not ready to forgive myself about it, not yet. So for once, shut up (respectfully) and let me have this, you also need to remember you're not 30 anymore. You are in shape but you're not match for me, trust me (no offence).

And I want you both to know there's nothing any of you could had done for things to be diffent. This is not any of you guys fault, okay? This is me, my own issues.

One day I'll be back, I'll hug you both and explain everything but its going to take a while, this is a lot. And I have a long road ahead of me. Things haven't been easy. But I'm hanging in here.

Dad (Nate) I've been listening to your advice in my head. No matter what, even from there, you're that voice of reason guiding me where to go. There was so much I wish I could tell you, I know you'd know what to do. I've been... Changing and I know there's somenthings you would understand. Don't feel sad though. I had to grow up at some point I think 34 is the right age to do so, right?

I love you, both. And I miss you both. But I got to work on myself for now. One day I'll explain everything.

I'm sorry for all of this. I hope this letter helps you both feel a little better, I know you guys would help and be there for me, but I don't want to put any of you trough this, it's too much. And I'm figuring out how to deal with it myself, I'm dangerous and I don't trust myself around any of you, really. It's been proven my love isn't enough, it doesn't stop this rage for coming over and until I can control it I rather stay away. Ps: I've been writting some songs and I feel I finnaly found my voice (see, dad? I follow your advice too. No need to be Jealous)

Ps(2) : Tell Tyler i love him and I'm sorry. He gets one free ass kicking when I get back.

Give uncle Dan a hug for me, a big One.

Love, Avery Graves-Moore."

[cfs-melkire]

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

"I don't understand," he said.

"Quite simple, to tell you the truth. Ah, one moment." Deiter clapped him on the shoulder with his free hand, ended the handshake, and walked past Hakan to close – and lock – the front door. "I usually leave this open, but since you were coming in today, I took the liberty of treating myself to a day off! Rare thing, that. Now, where were we…?"

"Simple, you said," Hakan prompted him as the fellow walked past him again and back towards the counter. The Viera, ears half-drooped from sheer nerves, followed him.

"Right, right! It's like this: I've been spending more and more time on acquisitions lately, and it's impacted business. Good help is hard to come by… on the cheap, anyroad… but I cannot go on closing up shop each and every time a new text makes itself known on the grapevine. Most of my jaunts across the city take the better part of the day, you see; I've gone quite a few suns without so much as a single sale, which has had rather dire implications for my coinpurse."

Deiter reached the counter, swung up part of the countertop on a hinge, and stepped through a little gate which Hakan hadn't noticed before. The fellow pushed through it with the side of his leg and then turned to beckon Hakan to follow. The Viera stepped after him, ducking a little as he did so to make sure he didn't hit his head in the hinged countertop. Deiter promptly swung everything shut again and then pressed past Hakan once more.

"So there I was: couldn't afford to hire help, didn't dare let up on acquisition lest some up-and-comer start their own store somewhere… or, gods forbid, a library." The fellow shuddered. "I'd been stuck on that pickle for the better part of a moon when Auntie Eustine wrote to me, would I mind repaying an old debt, she wanted to know, Chef Raif's got a man in need of lodgings and something to occupy his time, pay negotiable so long as he doesn't starve on a pittance, would you mind being a dear? Not terribly, said I, but what's the catch? Supplement his education, is all, says Auntie, if you do the necessaries and that along with it you'll find Raif will square up with you."

Deiter had been rifling through a number of drawers beneath the counter. "Aha!" he cried at last, having found what he's been searching for. He pulled out a single piece of parchment which looked thoroughly written upon; this, he set upon the countertop, followed shortly thereafter by an inkwell, a quill, and a blotter. "Just need your signature on this contract, once you've finished reading through it. Drafted it myself yesterday, outlines your duties, expectations and standards, your wages, your room and board, legal obligations to the business, and all the rest of the usual rubbish."

He turned towards Hakan… and he stopped. The Viera did not need to guess why, could tell from the look on Deiter's face, could see it in the reflection of the Hume's eyes: Hakan's ears had flattened back against his skull, he stood rubbing one arm with the other hand, and a queer sort of pain was writ large upon his face. The Rava Viera looked like a man on the cusp of flight, like someone confronted with a very bad reminder of old trauma.

"Mister Lidenbok," he began. Mister was a good word, one he'd picked up from Raif's customers. "I am sorry. There has been a bad understanding–"

"Misunderstanding," Deiter said, correcting him. "Raif did mention to Auntie that you were still picking up our local dialect."

"Misunderstanding," Hakan repeated. "Oh… oh, he… but he did not…. " How this galled him. He could hear them jeering in the tavern, back in Camoa. Not the village but the town. "...Mister Lidenbok, I cannot… I cannot read or write."

The fellow eyed him for a handful of seconds, each of them somehow longer than the last. Then he burst out laughing.

"You… but he…! From me, of… of all… people!" 

These words, Deiter Lidenbok somehow managed to squeeze in between peals of laughter. Hakan was frozen on the spot, caught between shame, anger, horror, and bemusement. 

"Well now," managed the Hume at last, "you're certainly in the right place!"

Hakan stared at the madman, and then looked around the store again. "Books" apparently meant bound writings. How was this the right place?!

His confusion must have made for quite the sight, because Dieter burst out laughing again; the poor fellow had to lean against the counter for support and bury his face in his arms, he was guffawing so hard. 

[justtelling-shinobuisthebest]

Sorry, got busy and just remembered about this.

Okay, continuing our, yes, now you're with me, "Loving Shinobu" week. I just came to an idea, that one of the major reasons, why I am even doing this, is something as important for a plot fact as important for us oxygen.

Interactions within characters.

I just caught myself while rereading manga, that I always stop at some not extremely actions-filled moment, just to think of how I would like some of the characters to do something different, say, mimic, gesture, I don't mind. And always I analyze how sure I was while making this. I payed attention, how good or eye-catching was writted at least the most important aspects of characters. Wait... I don't think it's Shinpbu related. Nevermind, I just made quick list that I like. As always, as we say in russian "shit and sticks 👌" (govno i palki, means quick, bad or both, most of the time one is cause for the other)

Tamayo

Starting from a really dumb and bold fact. Thay are different. Wow..

I like that from the moment Tamayo was offered to help ending Muzan, I knew with whom she's going to work. I knew, or at least was able to guess, that we needed combine two scientists rn. And, I was able to predict very first reaction for both of 'em. Like, it was kinda an open book. I wasn't much surprised at Tamayo's flashbacks. I knew Shinobu would still have some hatred towards demons. I knew that Yushiro will react negatively and Tamayo would be more understanding and friendly. But, I liked fact that at the end of their work they got more loyal to each other. Just recalled moment when Yushiro helps Shinobu. I loved changing in their relationship, but couldn't get from where does all of the misunderstanding comes.. Yeah, it's not main interaction for both, but still. I guessed that this came from lack of really good written moments in their dialog with each other, more specifically, their absence. But, I'm not here for this. I just talk about Shinobu, that's my job.

Closing eyes at all hatred or discomfort in the lab. I still have headcanon, that both shared kinda lost family bond. You know. Tamayo, in form of a demon, killing everyone in her family, including her children.

Shinobu, because of demons, losing everyone in her family, including her last hope, love, her sister.

I can see how in quich break Tmayo sees working hard Shinobu and imagines how blessed, happy, contented and just grateful she would be if her daughter was like Shinobu. Yup, first impression may be the first reason why this hc is only a hc. But, how happy she would be if she got to know that her little kid is tiny genius? Very, she was so loving towards them that her murder shattered her.

I can see how in quick breaks Shinobu sees in Tamayo her long gone mother and imagines how blessed, happy, contented and just grateful she would be if this was world wothout demons. How much time she would be able to spend with her parents. But I just still see those similarities between Tamayo and Kocho's mom, at least facial. I see how she would struggle not to call Tamayo as mom or at least aunt. Just, how over the moon would Shinobu be if instead of preparing herself for death, she was still with her family? Very, extremely. Her mother looked so loving and carrying that i couldn't even imagine how much was Kanae upset or lost after their death.

In conclusion, those two making me see them as kinda found - family.

Butterfly girls.

At this point it feels like I would never shut up about how much do I love them.

Even if we skip how lucky Kanao was that people who rescued her was Kocho-sisters, we forget that every girl's parents were killed by demons, we won't pay attention how young were triplets(caterpillars), we still get to see how caring and loving Shinobu was towards them. That after Tengens attempts to take them on his mission , she's still angry and didn't forgive him. That the first person to even know about her revenge was Kanao. That I mistaken Kanao as Shinobu's last thought , but instead she was furious that without demons all of the girls would be with their parents(ch.143).

That Shinobu had kind of sign language with Kanao.

That everyone in Mansion shares respect for Shinobu not only because she's hashira, but also because she sees them as their family. I love their relationship. I love their family. I love them. Also, don't forget, that after last fight, they take care of Fugu, Shinobu's goldfish.

Oh wait, did I forget to talk about their relationship too? Silly me.

I'm sorry, I didn't payed much attention to Fugu and Shinobu's friendship. But honestly, I love, adore, the fact that in her freetime Shinobu with Fugu, playing, feeding, Idc just being with her friend. Aww.

In conclusion, I can't pass a day without thinking how would their relationship go if there would be no demons, no deaths. How would it go if in Modern AU all 9f families lived in one apartment, Kocho sisters were playing and helping those kids.. well, I'm crying. Someone pls, I need a story abt them.

Inosuke

I felt strong need to talk about them.

The way how he changes with Shinobu. The way how he sees her as his mother. The way how much he wanted to ask Shinobu about it. The way how he helps Kanao, because she's Shinobu’s sister. The way how he never gets her name wrong. The way how he kinda scolds Kanao getting so much bruises, because Shinobu will get mad. The way how he changes after knowing about her death. The way how he continued crying alongside Kanao after battle. The way how she calls him a honey badger(I guess) The way how much I love them. It breaks my heart, that in manga there is nothing from Shinobu's side. That there's not so much moments with them. That there is people misunderstanding this cute mother-son relations.

In conclusion, I can't wait to see more at least cute momets with them, really.

Love Shinobu..

They make me speechless when it comes to them. I can't imagine where I would be without them. Their cute, beautiful and bright interactions always makes my heart skip a beat.

Loving Shinobu. Day 6

I didn't add Douma because it's either keeps me boiling or just doesn't lay with everything I already wrote.

Love you,Happy Halloween ❤️

[brumeraven]

🦋: The Corner || gross, decay, depression, existential despair, fatigue, generational trauma, helplessness, you can decide whether this is a prequel and/or sequel

It's the smell that hits you first.

Door was only half open when it struck me like a fist. A mix of piss and vinegar, half-dry in hair matted, sticky, and tangled. The smell of a dying dog that hasn't been washed in months, laying in its own filth and rotting inside and out.

The girl who'd answered looked nothing of the sort. Exhausted and unshowered, sure, but with the general air of someone who'd worked too many hours for too long, not the sort to wallow in feculent misery. I knew death when I smelled it and her body was still alive below the eyes.

"Hi. …can, um, can I help you…?" She stood half-behind the half-open door, using it as cover or perhaps a sort of armor in a social conflict she'd rather avoid. Justifiably so; this wasn't exactly a pleasant conversation I was looking forward to either.

"Miss." I rested a hand on the ornate hilt of my sword, by way of implicit greeting, threat, and badge of office. "I think you know why I'm here."

Truth was, I was here only because I was the most junior on duty, and dispatch was tired of fielding complaints from the neighbors.

She blinked, confusion writ plain on her face for a moment before recognition slowly dawned and cleared it away, her brows furrowing with concern. "The…oh, can others smell it too now? Sorry, I…forget sometimes. Most times."

"Yes, the smell."

Forget it? How?! It was none of my business how people lived, so long as they kept it within their own walls, but this was putrescence, its contamination seeping into the lives of everyone around her.

"Well…come in. I've complained so many times I've given up at this point."

She stepped to the side, opening the door wide, and I crossed the threshold, gagging on bile as my stomach threatened to empty itself in response to the chill, miasmatic wave that greeted me indecently.

It wasn't my imagination. I was sure of it after a few moments.

The room was colder than the outside, the hairs on the nape of my neck pricking, as if I were being observed by something unknown and unseen.

She couldn't smell, but could she feel nothing? It was freezing in here.

"Are you going to help? Look around and figure out what's wrong? I was expecting maintenance, not the Authority…" her hands dry-washed themselves nervously, but the anxiety didn't touch her face, lifeless eyes still hollow and tired.

I followed her to the living room, half-listening as she continued to speak resignedly. "People keep telling me that nothing's wrong, that I just need to clean up or shower or something, but I've tried everything…"

"It's worst in here," she offered, as if it were an apology.

I braced myself to set eyes on a corpse or some horror beyond my comprehension but it was just...nothing. A perfectly normal living room, drapes and armchair and crackling fireplace and all.

She wasn't kidding, though. Breathing through my mouth did little to abate the acrid stench that tore at my senses, demanding my every moment of attention and making it difficult to even form the words I'd rehearsed.

"When…when did all this first start?" I managed in between dry heaves. My eyes ran over the room, but nothing was out of the ordinary, no stains on the carpet, no damaged walls or ceiling, no blood, no waste.

"What do you mean 'start?'"

I stared as she sank heavily down into the armchair in the corner of the room. Her confusion seemed genuine. Had it always been like this? That couldn't be possible.

"The smell. When did…" I looked around, gesturing vaguely to the empty room. "…when did you first notice it?"

A bitter croaking cut through the air with enough force to slice through the stench, at least temporarily. I whirled back around to face her, wondering what could have drawn such a horrific sound from a human throat to find her doubled over and quaking.

Racked by sobs? Or laughter? The thought floated, suspended in time as I stared into her fear-filled eyes, wondering how it was they'd found life again, wondering why they were fixated on my swordpoint.

When had my hands found and drawn my sword unbidden? What had made me do so?

A glance revealed nothing unusual in the room.

Drapes and armchair and lit fireplace. White carpet and white walls and white ceilings. Barren bookshelves and uncluttered corners and unlit floorlamps and too much empty space.

"It's always been there. No one ever believed me."

Fear quickened my pulse, my stomach churned as that putrescence burrowed into my marrow, clawing at my soul.

Another elegy of acrimonious laughter froze me in place. The room was empty but for the girl and me, yet it wasn't mine, and it wasn't hers.

Empty and cold.

Lifeless for all its drapes and armchair and cold fireplace. Hollow for all its white carpet and white walls and white ceilings. Empty but for its barren bookshelves and the thing in the corner and its unlit floorlamps.

Someone screamed.

It must have been me, for her lips didn't move, only offered a wry smile, sad and apologetic.

The thing behind her smiled as well, no less sad for lacking a mouth, no less apologetic for my blade having pierced through where one should have been.

The steel was the keenest one could buy. Its edge should should have rent flesh from bone, shattered cogwork, cleaved Flux in twain.

With a wet sucking, the thing pulled itself off the blade and retreated, leaving behind ink-black clawprints on the fine upholstery of her chair.

She buried her face in her hands as it slowly pulled away, the raveled thing shambling awkwardly back to the corner, dragging its profane form across the carpet, hair and feces and afterbirth staining everything it touched.

"You should go. Thank you for trying. No one else could ever see it." She sighed softly and closed her eyes, giving her head a small shake. "You'll stop smelling it eventually."

A final apology, I suppose.

She thanked me, shuddered and went still, looking rested at last.

I left without my sword. Couldn't be bothered to pull it back out of the armchair.

I suppose she was right. I don't smell it much anymore. Don't carry a sword either. What's the point? Some things can't be killed. Some things can't even be fought.

I do still hear that bitter laugh, croaked out through a clenched throat in between rasps and wheezes. And then I wonder, how long before others start to smell it?

How long until others start to see the thing crouched in the corner of my office?

~🦋

[bluehourbucky]

Comfort Crowd

college!bucky x reader

summary: exams don't go well bucky's there to comfort you

tw: f bomb, self doubt, college!bucky? , exam talk, mentions of s*x and bj

a/n: so this is my first time writting and this is for @babyboibucky 's 3k writting challenge I really just wanted to participate they are my fav author and I really just enjoy their work so I wanted to give it a try . This is college!bucky from PROJECT V , currently my fav Bucky but Bee still hasn't posted surfer!bucky so we'll see. Also I am sorry I do not know how to put keep reading thing :(

@babyboibuckywrites this is bee's writting blog where you can find all her writting and all 3k entries 🥰

--------

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

You were looking at the screen of your laptop, results of your exams staring at you, mocking you.

Failed. Failed. Passed 95%. Failed.

This is not what you wanted to see. No matter how good one of your exams went those failed exams had a harder impact. You felt like you did enough, apparently that was not the case.

Bucky and you had been studying for exams together, yes maybe you did have some sexy times but still you studied.

Your phone kept going off and you assumed it was Bucky, you were right.

Bucky: *insert picture*

Bucky: aced those fucking exams

Bucky: let's have a celebration fuck

Bucky: *insert picture* we're waiting ;)

Sam: STOP SENDING DICK PICS THIS A GC I DO NOT WANT TO SEE UR DICK

Steve: ISTG BUCKY I WILL BLOCK YOU

Looking at Steve and Sam's messages made you laugh because this isn't the first time Bucky sent a dick pic into the gc on accident thinking it was his and yours chat.

Bucky being impatient dumbass that he is he decided to call you since you weren't replying. You didn't really want to answer but you knew he would assume something was wrong.

"Babyyyy!!!! Why aren't you replying?? I even blessed you with a beautiful picture of my dick." Bucky whined over the phone like a child which made you snort and roll your eyes.

"I'll come over or you come here cus' Steven here would hate that." You heard Steve say something along the lines "I'll kill you or myself If I catch you fucking again!" Bucky probably fliped him off as he always does.

"Sorry It's shark week I'm not feeling well you know how I get." That was bs you finished your period a week ago but that was the only excuse you could think of.

After twenty minutes of convincing Bucky you don't want him to come he ended the call but not before telling you that Steve and him are going for drinks to celebrate and if you feel better to come.

You were suddenly feeling very jealous but at the same time angry that Bucky's results were much better than yours. It wasn't fair or nice yet that's how you felt along with selfpity.

Every time you failed an exam you couldn't help but fall into the hole of self doubt-were you smart enough to finish college- was everything you ever achived just pure luck- and similar things to those were always around. Usually Bucky would reassure you that that that wasn't true but you felt like it would be selfish of you to tell him while he was so happy about doing so well.

Not wanting to sulk in your place you packed up and went to your favorite place to sulk.

~~~~

"For fucks sake!"

"Hey Sam!!" you greeted a very annoyed Sam, cheerfully.

"What now? Did you have another fight with Bucky because if you did I'd like you to leave." Sam was still pissed about last time after you and Bucky fucked in his room, he banned you both from visiting his place.

"No, just didn't wanna be alone." he was visibly confused by your statement but let you in nontheless. You could tell he had questions, he did choose not to ask more. That's exactly why you came to Sam's he doesn't ask questions just let's you be until you're ready to talk.

You made yourself comfortable, took some of Sam's food and went to his bedroom. When you are in a shitty mood you just close off and eat.

Sam didn't mind he could tell something was wrong, though seeing you cleared his fridge he wasn't very happy.

"Hey, you ate all my food!"

You lifted your head from the pillow and looked at him sadly. It was very obvious you were crying.

"Oh." Sam approached you and sat down on the bed near your legs. That only made more tears fall.

"Sweetheart." you hiccuped and wiped your tears.

"Sorry."

He only shook his head, giving you a hug rubbing your back letting you cry. Sam also without you knowing texted Bucky to tell him where you are.

~~~

You don't know how much you've been crying but what made you jump was a loud bang of door closing.

One moment you were lying in bed and in the next one you were in Bucky's lap? When did he even come how did he know you were. When you tried to move your head from his chest he just pushed it back.

"Shh.. There,there, daddys here no need for tears."

"THAT WAS ONE TIME BUCKY ONE TIME!!!!!" You yelled into his chest and hit him. However it did make you laugh which was probably the point.

"So tell daddy what's wrong." Sam made gagging noises at Bucky's comment, Steve just let out a sigh and pulled Sam out of the room.

Being in Buckys arms was so comforting, he also pushed the hair out of your face looking at you for an explanation. When you didn't Bucky started giving you wet rasberries over your face as well as tickles to your stomach. You couldn't help but giggle and push his head away.

"OKAY OKAY I'LL TALK." He stopped and pulled you back into his lap, leaving soft kisses on your neck

"So I failed three exams out of four so I just felt sad but I didn't want to bother you with that. It wouldn't be fair because you did really well and and " you took a deep breath but before you could say more Bucky stopped you.

"Baby, you know you can always talk to me no matter what. Especally for these things. Plus these exams prove nothing and they don't determine if you'll be successful or not. Besides if anything should make you feel dumb is when we do dumb shit together. Like that time we ripped out nipple peircings as soon as we got them."

That made you chuckle and he did have a point.

"Failing one or two or even five exams doesn't make you dumb you can always pass them some other time anyways. Now that we're done with that time for me to have a treat." Bucky said and pulled your sweatpants down making you gasp. Just as he was about to slip off your panties a very very angry Sam was stomping his way to you.

"NO ABSOLUTLEY NOT I MADE THIS MISTAKE ONCE NOT DOING IT AGAIN!!! BUCKY KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR ONCE !!! GET OUT GET OUT NO SEX HERE NO ANYTHING DIRTY." Sam threw you and Bucky out of the room and locked it.

"What's your problem I was about to have some pussy just because you don't does not mean you have to get jealous!" Your favorite dumbass replied.

That of course set off a small friendly disagreement between the two.

"Okay let's go I'm horny." Bucky threw you over his shoulder like in the movies however it did not go well. He threw you a bit too hard so you slipped over and in the attempt to catch yourself you heard your wrist snap.

"Fuck are you okay?!" Sam, Steve and Bucky asked in unison.

"Uhm yes? Though I think my wrist is broken."

"Let's go. I'm driving you to the ER" Steve said shaking his head taking the keys thinking :What did I do to deserve this punishment"

"Oh no it's your right arm no handjobs for at least 3 weeks. Nevermind we'll train your left arm don't worry." Bucky said kissing your left wrist.

"BUCKYY!!!!"

~THE END~

[ohgodmyeyes]

Patience

Heavily implied Ferus x Anakin; 6.5k words; T-rated; hurt/comfort. (I really like this one.)

Summary: Anakin's guilt over Darra's death killed his marriage before it even began, and now it's killing him, too.

How many more times can he call on Ferus to clean up his messes for him before Ferus decides he's had enough?

...

"No, Anakin— I can't. I can't do it this time; I'm sorry."

"Ferus, please— sh-she's going to be here with them at noon, a-and—"

"I've already missed three of the last five practices because of this! If they think they can't even trust me to show up to the arena, they'll—"

"I know! I know, okay? But I can't do it by myself, and I don't have anyone else to call."

"Anakin, I told you last time that I can't keep—"

"I won't bother you again! Not after this! Christ, Ferus, please! You know she'll—"

"Fine! Fine, I'll be there in twenty minutes. But you have to promise me this time that you'll—"

"I will! I will; whatever you want! Just— just... hurry, okay? Please?"

"I'm already on my way, Anakin— I'll see you soon."

"O-okay. I'll be waiting."

"I know."

Anakin's phone hit the dusty carpet at his feet, landing with a muted thump. Face-up with its lockscreen lit, he couldn't help but wonder if the device didn't actually intend to mock him with the big, blatant 9:37 am situated prominently in the centre of the display.

He wanted to stand up from the sofa... but no matter how much we willed himself to try, he just couldn't seem to straighten out his legs.

Ferus was going to be furious with him if he couldn't even manage to answer the door when he arrived, and he knew it.

His eyes travelled across the surface of the coffee table in front of him; it was crowded, but his cigarettes and lighter— both bright-blue— stood out clearly, even in the dim light (Anakin nearly always kept his blinds shut). He took a smoke, stuck it in his mouth, and lit it; after that, he reached back over to the table, and picked up something else: A small photograph; wallet-sized, and unframed. One of those ones everybody's parents used to buy from their school every year, and line up on top of the refrigerator or television or fireplace.

This one was of a girl— a happy-looking, mousey-haired, teenage girl.

Anakin bit his lip and turned it over onto its face, because now that he wasn't quite so drunk as he'd been last night, he couldn't bring himself to look at it.

The rest of the table around the picture was littered with loose cigarette butts and miniature bottles of vodka; here and there, a beer can stood tall as if to break up the monotony of the landscape. All of the containers were empty, and all of the butts were burned right down to their melted filters: Anakin hadn't had a good night last night.

The back of the photo wasn't much better than the front, but it was easier not to look at Darra's hand-printed name than it was to try not to look at her face.

I'm sorry— I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

That's all he ever said to her anymore, whether he was drunk or not; still, he took out that damn picture and laid it out on the table every time he so much as thought of her. Anakin owed Darra that, didn't he?

She'd still be alive, after all, if he hadn't tried to drive her home that night— hammered drunk, and pumped full of adrenaline. He'd only tried it because he was the one who'd dragged her to the stupid graduation party in the first place; he was the one with the car, and the licence. When she'd asked him to get her out of there, desperation writ clear on her face, what else was he supposed to have done?

Anything. Anything else.

He'd ended up wrapping his little red car around a tree that night; Darra had broken her neck flying through the windshield and out onto the pavement, but Anakin had walked away virtually unscathed.

It was almost funny to him that, even all these years later, he still liked to drink.

"Okay," he said out loud, although even he wasn't sure why. Likely, it was intended to be self-motivational; however, Anakin remained just as immobilized after he finished saying it than he had been before.

All he could smell was smoke; smoke, and maybe some old food, although he couldn't begin to guess where he might have left something like that (unless, of course, the kitchen had grown so bad that the stench was wafting in from there). He was clothed, but his clothes were filthy; it was Saturday now, and he'd had them on since about Thursday morning.

...How the hell was it already Saturday, anyway?

Counting like a toddler on a set of shaky, calloused fingers, Anakin tried as he choked back his smoke to recount the past few days in his head. He'd started drinking Thursday evening after work, because he knew he wasn't going to have to go back until Monday; he had known to expect his kids on Saturday, but something had obviously gone wrong, and now—

Now, his living room was littered with garbage and bottles and misplaced items of just about every description, the air in his house was blue with smoke, and he was sure he looked precisely as terrible as he felt.

All that, and his kids were due to be here in less time than it would have taken Ferus to attend his hockey practice, if only he'd made it out the door that morning before Anakin had made his phone buzz.

At least, he thought, Ferus was used to him making his phone buzz.

"Okay," he repeated to himself, after a few more grateful lungfuls of smoke... and this time, he seemed to have a bit more luck with his legs: Stubbing out his cigarette (he even managed to do it in the ashtray), he grunted as he pulled himself to his feet, and reluctantly surveyed the mess in front of him.

Shit.

No— no 'shit'. Ferus is coming, remember?

Even Ferus said he can't keep doing this. Next time—

"Shut up." Anakin was no stranger to arguing with himself. "There won't be a 'next time', alright?" He didn't know if he really believed that or not; all he wanted was for his brain to pipe down.

He kicked at a half-crumpled beer can near his foot on the floor, and when its tinny rattle was all he could hear, he supposed it meant his talking back had worked.

Knock knock.

"Ferus."

Maybe he would be impressed instead of disappointed, Anakin thought— here he was, after all; up on his own two feet. That was better than last time, wasn't it?

...When the hell had Anakin Skywalker become a person who hoped against hope that someone would be 'impressed' with him for getting up and walking ten feet across a room to answer a goddamn door?

"Hey," he started in a near-mechanical fashion, desperate to ignore his own intrusive thoughts. "I really can't thank you enough for—"

"Not this time, Anakin."

Shit. "I— I didn't mean to—"

Ferus breezed right past, before Anakin could get another word in— as soon as there was enough room between himself and the open front door to do so. The first thing he did was wrinkle his nose in response to the rank odour of old smoke and stale food lingering in the air; the second thing he did was survey the space. His face was stony, and his shoulders were squared; to Anakin, he looked almost confrontational.

"At least it's not as bad as it was last time," he observed, even though he knew very well that wasn't saying very much.

Anakin didn't answer to that— what was there to say?

Immediately, Ferus started opening windows: Between the smoke and the acrid stench of whatever was rotting away in the kitchen, he felt he didn't have much of a choice.

"I've told you before," he said as he finished his walk around the perimeter of the room, "that if you're having a hard time, you need to tell her— be honest with her! I know you aren't together anymore, but—"

"If I could tell her about things like this," interrupted Anakin, motioning about at the mess, "then we would still be together. She doesn't understand; all she does is get angry. If she sees the house— sees me— this way, she'll take me right back to court. I... I might not see my kids for months." She hadn't always been so stringent, but over the years, Padmé's patience with Anakin and his struggles had worn thin. She wanted to go to work, raise her children, and see her friends— not babysit her sad, drunk husband.

Now that he was approaching thirty years of age, in fact, no one wanted to do that for Anakin anymore. Few ever did, except for Ferus, and even he'd grown increasingly distant since the start of the most recent spiral: It had all started almost a year ago, with Anakin quitting the hockey team; as far as Ferus could tell, there was still no end to it in sight.

He'd been there for Anakin as much as he could over the years: Sometimes that had been a lot and sometimes it had only been a little, but no matter what, it only ever got harder. Anakin made it that way, whether he meant to or not— like a heavy stone, inexplicably destined to be rolled uphill.

"If you're afraid of not being allowed to see your kids, Anakin..." Ferus trailed off; he sounded just exasperated enough that he knew he didn't need to finish. He didn't want to finish.

"I know," said Anakin, because he did— he did know. Swallowing hard in an effort to forgo the last sticky, useless vestiges of his own ego, he admitted, "I was going to a group, but..."

"But what?" Ferus demanded. Anakin had been in and out of about a dozen 'groups'.

"But... there were too many people. Every time I went to say something, I froze up— and— well, it—"

Ferus interrupted with a heavy sigh. "Whatever, Anakin," he said, with deliberate dismissiveness. "It doesn't matter. You called me here today to clean up for you, right?"

Anakin bit down on his lip. "Y-yeah— but it's not just—"

"Then I'll get cleaning." He walked off in the direction of the kitchen, then. Even though Anakin had only lived in it since his divorce, Ferus was quite familiar with the layout of his home: Again, this wasn't the first time he'd been called to fix things after one of his binges.

Ferus soon discovered (predictably) that the countertop needed as much work as the living room seemed to, if not more; several days worth of barely-picked-at food was stagnating in dishes all over every surface. The stove was near-invisible, and the sink might as well not have existed just then for how much there was stacked up inside of it.

There was a garbage can in the corner, but Ferus could hardly hazard a guess at the last time the bag inside had been changed.

Goddamnit, Anakin.

Ferus tightly clenched his own jaw as he bent to retrieve a big, plastic garbage bag from the cupboard beneath that tragically-overloaded sink; the one he hated that he was likely about to have to clean. He didn't like to be frustrated; not with Anakin, or anyone else— very likely (and somewhat juxtapositionally), his own inherent distaste for those types of feelings were what let him tolerate things like this as well as he did.

There was, however, only so much a person could take— even when that person happened to be Ferus Olin.

Anyway, cleaning Anakin's sink for him time after time didn't seem to be helping him very much. Briefly, Ferus wondered if he shouldn't just leave right then— if it might actually end up being better for Anakin (and everyone else) if his ex-wife were allowed to see for herself just how terribly he seemed to fall to pieces every few weeks.

...That thought, though, left his mind almost as quickly as it had invaded it. Even in the midst of his own irritation, Ferus couldn't bring himself to imagine the pain it would cause Anakin to have his children turned around on a dime, and marched back out to their mother's car on a day they were supposed to have visited.

Garbage bag in hand, he walked back out into the living room. Seeing Anakin standing there was, somehow, jarring; to view him head-to-toe was to be forced to acknowledge just how much of a toll nearly a decade's worth of guilt and grief had taken on him.

He was more pale (ashen, really) than Ferus could ever remember him being; skinnier, too; with dull, greasy hair far longer than anyone who knew Anakin would ever have presumed him to be comfortable with. His face was drawn, and his eyes were red— he didn't look well. It was then that Ferus came to understand that a large part of why he'd been so distant lately was (to his own deep and immediate regret) that Anakin had, quite simply, grown increasingly difficult to lay eyes on at as time had marched on.

It wasn't because he was ugly— no matter what Anakin did to himself, he could never have been ugly— but rather, because he didn't seem 'right'. He didn't seem like Anakin. At the very least, he wasn't who Ferus had come to know him to be, and witnessing his decline was, above all else, painful.

Even right now— from several feet away— Ferus was quite sure he could smell the days of grime that had built up on his body as he'd sat and drank, sprawled out on his gross, old couch.

"You should go upstairs and have a shower," he said, almost certainly more tersely than he actually intended. "I'll start taking care of things down here." That was, after all, how it had worked every other time he'd been called for this.

Anakin nodded, exactly as aware as Ferus of just how badly he needed to scrub himself down. After a brief moment of silent hesitation, he turned on his heel and walked off in the direction of the narrow staircase at the far end of the room. As he did, Ferus watched him; again, it hurt to do: From this angle, Anakin looked too old; almost gaunt beneath his clothes, with lines on his face and even a few subtle streaks of grey in his hair.

...In another way, though, he looked altogether too young: Like he hadn't aged (or, for that matter, grown) since the day he'd killed Darra.

He didn't 'kill' Darra.

He didn't mean to kill her.

By the time Anakin was trudging his way up the stairs (maybe for the first time that week), Ferus was glad not to be facing him.

He knew he shouldn't blame Anakin for what happened that night; he knew nobody else should, either— but it was, to an extent, unavoidable. He did it anyway (although he certainly wasn't the only one), and Anakin was all too aware of it. Her death had driven a silent wedge between them, and their relationship had never quite recovered. Ferus often theorized that it was a large part of why Anakin had run so readily into Padmé's arms after high school.

That endeavour, however well-intended, had always been destined to fail. Anakin had been broken beyond measure by then; too broken, anyway, for a single person to be able to pick up all of the pieces. Ferus had, in essence, left Padmé to do that all alone— was it really any wonder it hadn't worked out for them?

It hadn't all been Ferus' fault, of course, and he did know that, even if he didn't always feel it. Anakin had, frankly, been too young to get married— too young to have babies, and certainly too young to get divorced. Although fatherhood obviously brought him great joy (if it didn't, he would never have embarrassed himself by phoning anyone about this at all), it also took more from him than Ferus sometimes suspected he had to give.

He waited until he heard the shower upstairs begin to squeal before he started loading trash from the table into the bag. He couldn't help but shake his head as he did; the sheer volume of cigarette butts and liquor containers was, to him, patently morbid. Was Anakin trying to die?

He didn't have a right to that, Ferus thought bitterly. Not when he still had his kids; not when he still had people (or, one person, at least) who would come to him when he called. Darra never even got a chance to have anything like that.

Doesn't that mean anything to him?!

In his frustration, Ferus found himself being a bit less careful with what he was grabbing from the table— handfuls of trash went into the bag all at once; bottles and cigarette wrappers and loose bits of all manner of crap. As the dirty, semi-lacquered surface started to become visible again, he almost didn't notice when he happened to pick up something that wasn't garbage.

It was a good thing he did notice— because not only would Anakin never have forgiven Ferus for throwing out one of the only remaining photos of Darra in his possession, it was quite likely that Ferus wouldn't have forgiven himself, either.

"I don't know why you do this to yourself, Anakin," he muttered anyway, setting down the trash bag. He didn't actually look at the photo as he walked it over to a shelf at the edge of the room, and put it up out of harm's way: Why the hell would he have looked at it?

Looking at Darra wasn't going to bring her back.

The shower upstairs was still running; by now, Ferus could smell Anakin's soap as its scent wafted down the stairs. Graciously, it seemed to be helping displace some of the stale smoke that had built up in the living room—encouraging it out the newly-opened windows, and replacing it with something more palatable.

Anakin had been using the same soap for years; the familiarity of it was enough to dissolve Ferus' irritation (for now, at least) while he went back to work on the coffee table. Anyway, if he'd truly been upset with Anakin for this, would he really have shown up to help?

...Maybe.

He supposed that since he was already here, it didn't particularly matter anymore what he'd been feeling when he'd made the decision to show up.

Ferus would rather have been shooting pucks at Tru right now— he and Anakin had once done that together, alongside Ben and a number of other assorted alumni of their local high school; however, Anakin hadn't played hockey for a long time, now. Anyway, Tru hadn't spoken to him in any meaningful capacity since the accident with Darra; likewise, Anakin hadn't been close with Ben for years.

When she died, they had all died— all in their own ways.

Maybe Anakin's death was simply the ugliest. Maybe that was why it stood out.

The shower had stopped by then, and Ferus had moved onto the floor. He knew he couldn't vacuum the carpet until he'd at least picked up a few of the bigger chunks of clothing and garbage scattered about it. He managed to make a bit of progress before he heard Anakin's footsteps; segueing first into the hallway above him, and then starting heavily back down the stairs.

"Why aren't you dressed?" he asked, when Anakin appeared at the threshold of the living room with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"I don't have any clean clothes," he answered simply. He didn't even seem embarrassed to admit it, which somehow made it all the more sad.

Ferus sighed— sighed, and tried not to react to the sight of Anakin clad in a saggy, threadbare strip of terrycloth (it felt like a long time since he'd seen him in just a towel).

"My hockey bag is in my car," he said. "I have clean sweatpants, and a clean shirt in there, too— if you want, you can borrow them."

"I, um— that wouldn't... bother you?" Now Anakin did look ashamed, if only a little bit.

"Of course it wouldn't. We used to share clothes all the time, didn't we?"

Anakin nodded. The two had, in fact, once made quite a habit out of exchanging t-shirts and hoodies. "You, um— you don't mind going to get them, then...?"

"I'll be right back," said Ferus, setting the trash bag down in front of Anakin. "Try to pick up a couple of things while I'm gone, alright?"

"...Alright."

As Ferus walked out to his car, he couldn't help but wonder if the clothes he had in his bag would even fit Anakin properly. For someone who sat around drinking on most of his days off, he was disconcertingly thin; he supposed it must be a consequence of all that prepared-but-uneaten food he'd detected rotting away in the kitchen. He and Anakin had once shared dinners together— lots of them. Before he'd gotten married; sometimes even after that too, if Padmé was busy and her husband was lonely.

Ferus hadn't had dinner with Anakin for almost as long as he'd gone without seeing him in a towel.

Maybe it was something he ought to try again sometime.

"Here," he said, thrusting a soft, mostly-black bundle into Anakin's arms once he'd closed up his car, and made his way back into the house. "Go and put these on— you'll have to tie the pants up tight."

"Thanks," said Anakin. "I'll wash them and give them back; I—"

"Don't worry about it right now, okay? Just go and get dressed. I'll vacuum, and start gathering up laundry; once you've put yourself together, you can help with the kitchen." Ferus started to go back to the mess on the living room floor (there was even a small, dried-up puddle of what looked like vomit near the couch; that would require a bit of extra attention), but paused for a moment before fully turning his back.

"What?" asked Anakin. Of course he had noticed.

"...Nothing," replied Ferus. Anything else he had to say right now would have been inherently distracting; Anakin didn't need that. Anakin needed to get dressed.

"...O-okay," he conceded. "Okay, I... uh, I'll be right back, then." He wanted more than anything to prod Ferus (it had been a long time since the two had spoken meaningfully), but even he knew the time wasn't right— in less than two hours, he had to be a father.

He could always talk to Ferus later on... couldn't he?

It was too late to ask, because Ferus was already back at work filling up that garbage bag.

Anakin, in retreating back upstairs momentarily, found that Ferus' supposition had been correct: The pants were, indeed, too big; pulling the drawstring tight only seemed to do so much to rectify the issue. It made him feel insecure, but insecurity was just another luxury he didn't have time for today. After combing his hair through with his fingers, he tugged the shirt over his head— unable to keep from noticing that it bore the bright, cheerful emblem of the team they both used to play for.

The team whose practice Ferus is missing right now to help your sorry, drunk ass.

"Shut up. Not now."

Okay— but it's true.

The shirt was about as baggy as the pants, but that was alright. Ferus had always been a litter taller than Anakin, and Anakin had always liked clothes he could hide in. Back in high school— before what had happened to Darra; before he'd ever met Padmé— Ferus' hooded sweatshirts had been some of his favourite things to wear.

He probably still had one or two of them laying around, he thought... but his closet was as much a mess as the lower half of his house; he knew he wouldn't have had time to find one of them, even if he'd tried.

Another day, maybe.

Anakin's next descent into the living room was, to his dismay, marked by a brief-but-intense flash of abject terror: It expanded like fresh ice in his gut as he raced against his own angry body to get to the coffee table, whose spotlessly-clean surface was the source of his disconcert.

Ferus had left the room— presumably to go off and get the vacuum cleaner.

Unsure as to whether he was about to vomit or fall down, Anakin gripped the back of the couch.

"She's fine."

"I— I didn't—"

"I put her up on your bookshelf," said Ferus calmly, approaching Anakin where he stood by the sofa, vacuum in hand. "But... you know you should really get a frame for her, right?" If he'd been annoyed with Anakin for dwelling on the photo before, he wasn't anymore.

Anakin didn't look up from the surface of the coffee table. He didn't know why he was surprised that Ferus seemed to understand what he'd been doing— probably, it was because they hadn't talked about it in so damn long.

That made it even more difficult for him to confess to him, "If I put her in a frame, I... I won't be able to see her name anymore."

"...What?"

"Her name— on the back. She wrote it there for me; if I put it in a frame, I won't be able to flip it over and see it whenever I want."

Ferus was only barely successful in fighting his urge to sigh (later on, he'd be glad he had managed). "Why do you want to 'see' it, Anakin?" he asked. Ferus' voice was, inherently, more sharp than it was soft; he'd never been a gentle speaker, necessarily, but he tried hard to be one right now for his friend's sake. He didn't want his exasperation to show— not the full extent of it. "Why do you want to see Darra?"

"I miss her," said Anakin flatly. He sounded just the way he had when he'd answered the door; as though his words were a pre-programmed response to just the kind of question Ferus was posing him.

"You can't beat yourself up over her forever," Ferus pointed out. "You can't keep beating yourself in the head with this, and expecting—"

"Everyone else does."

"That isn't true! You—"

"Yes it is!" Anakin shouted, even though shouting hurt his head. "Tru and Ben both blame me; so do Darra's friends— and her mom and dad, not to mention everyone else we went to school with!" Anakin finally did look up at Ferus, then. "No one treats me normally anymore," he said, "and they haven't for years."

"You barely treat yourself normally anymore, Anakin!" There was that exasperation he'd been trying so hard to tamp down. "No one knows what to do with you; all we can do anymore is stand by and watch you get worse! You don't let us do anything else!"

"Th-this— this is why I stopped going to hockey," croaked Anakin, surprising even himself with the way his voice caught in his throat. He meant to say more, but he couldn't; his chest had already tightened, and his eyes were rapidly filling up with tears.

Ferus regretted saying anything about the picture at all beyond revealing that it was safe; alas, it seemed too late to remedy that. What was he supposed to say now? Anakin hadn't been able to solve this for ten years; Ferus certainly wasn't about to fix it in the span of a few minutes on a single, panicked, hung-over morning.

If he had that particular superpower, he'd have used it a long time ago.

"I— I'm sorry, Anakin," he tried. "I didn't mean—"

He stopped speaking when he realized that it didn't matter what he 'meant'. Anakin couldn't hear him anymore, because Anakin had started to cry.

When was the last time Ferus had seen Anakin cry?

The tears didn't come quietly; rather, Anakin's sobs made him shudder and heave, grateful he was still gripping the back of the sofa with his hand. When he started to double over anyway, he quickly resigned himself to hitting the floor— nothing he hadn't done before; nothing, even, that Ferus hadn't previously witnessed him do.

The confusion that overtook him when his knees failed to impact the carpeted hardwood was almost enough to shock him out of his fit.

Almost.

"Wh-what— what a-are... y-you—"

"Shh."

"F-Ferus, I— I don't—"

"Quiet," Ferus whispered, unafraid of bearing Anakin's entire weight against his chest. If anything, it was too easy to hold him up. "Just be quiet, alright? I'm sorry I said anything— I'm sorry I ever brought it up."

He felt Anakin shake his head ruefully against his breastbone.

"No," he shouted! muffled, into Ferus' shirt. "No, you— you're right; right about everything, a-and I— I—"

Anakin couldn't seem to finish a sentence; Ferus, for his part, dug his fingers into his old friend's back as a wave of conflicting emotions crashed into him: Relief, first, because this was as honest as the two had been with one another in an exceptionally long time; fear, too, because he didn't know where the hell to go from this point. His phone buzzed from inside his pocket— an alarm, he knew, telling him that hockey practice was starting. It made him jump anyway.

"Anakin," he said, taking an inordinately deep breath in an attempt to maintain his own composure. "Anakin, it's eleven o'clock— your kids are going to be—"

"I know! And if I— i-i-if I c-can't even c-clean up for them, th-then—"

"You can clean up for them, though! I've seen you do it; I've helped you do it!" Carefully, Ferus moved to peel Anakin's head away from his chest. He wanted to look at his face, no matter how difficult it was. Something told him he was going to be seeing a lot more of it, in the weeks and months to follow.

Anakin shook his head again, looking up at Ferus through his own wet hair and tears. "No," he protested. "Not this time! I... I just can't— you're right; it's too bad this time, I need—"

"You need to let me help you, Anakin! Not just help you clean; not just help you hide things from Padmé! You'll let me in long enough to do this," he emphasized, daring to take a hand from Anakin to motion at the room around them, "but you always throw me out before I have a chance to even try to figure out what else you need!" He could feel tears of his own, now; they were gathering at the very edges of his eyes, making him angry at himself. "You do that, and then you get mad at me for not understanding!"

"Ferus—"

"How can I understand?!"

"F— Ferus—"

"How can I?!"

Anakin didn't have an answer for Ferus— not then. How was he supposed to help him understand? After so many years of awkward silence and walking on eggshells, how was he supposed to know how to do anything else?

"I... I don't know. I don't know, Ferus— I'm sorry."

Ferus didn't know either... but once again, it had been years and years since he'd felt so close to finding out. He wanted to sit Anakin down and get him talking; in a very big way, this was the perfect time to do it.

...In a much, much bigger way, though, it truly wasn't— and that was because Anakin had more than just himself to worry about these days.

Ferus had been steeling himself against one thing or another for most of his life: He did it against his own long-repressed empathy and affection just then, telling Anakin with an utterly feigned air of authority, "That's fine— that's fine; you don't have to know right now."

Whether he truly understood his choice or not, Ferus had already decided that he wasn't going to leave today just because Anakin's house was clean. That meant they had plenty of time to figure it out together... as long as Anakin would talk to him later.

He hoped Anakin would talk to him later.

"B-but—"

"No," said Ferus. "No buts. Your kitchen is a mess, there's puke to scrape out of your rug, and your kids are on their way— the only thing you need to know right now is how you want them to see their dad when they get here. Do you understand?"

Anakin's stomach clenched, and he found himself having to repress one final, heaving sob before he could will himself to separate entirely from Ferus... who had, by now, been buttressing him for a rather extended period of time.

He did it, though— he did it, and once he was standing under his own power again, he bit down on his lip and nodded.

"I do," he said. "I... I do."

"Good— then go into the kitchen, and start throwing things out while I take care of your carpet. If we don't stop until we're finished, we might just be able to make this place look okay in time for Luke and Leia."

Hearing his kids' names spoken out loud seemed to be the last little spark Anakin needed to ignite his motivation: He came unstuck from the floor, then... that newly-bare coffee table in front of the couch finally having become a source of relief rather than fear.

Darra is as safe as she's ever going to be, his brain reminded him, far more gently than it had told him anything else that day. Leave her, just for now— Ferus is right.

It seemed he really was... because once Anakin started scraping old food into the trash, loading up his dishwasher, and soaking his pots, he felt significantly more capable than he had when he'd woken up. Not better, necessarily... but certainly more apt, if nothing else.

He'd desperately needed the boost of confidence.

"I still don't know how I'm going to be 'on' for them," he confessed, when the two finally met in the living room to survey the house at the tail-end of their mutual cleaning endeavour. Ferus had just ascended from the basement, having loaded some laundry into the washer; Anakin had just put the finishing touches on the kitchen.

"What do you mean 'on'? They're your kids." Driven purely by old instinct, he took Anakin's hand in his; held it tight. It felt as natural as anything.

Anakin didn't pull away, because why would he have? Ferus hadn't held his hand in years; so many that he'd barely realized how much he'd missed it. He also couldn't help but laugh: Ferus didn't understand, because he didn't have children of his own. "That's exactly it," he said. "They are my kids. They're six years old; they're going to want to talk, play, and have fun... and because I was an idiot all week, I still feel too much like shit to be what they need me to be."

Ferus thought.

"...We could take them to a movie together," he offered tentatively. That fake authority he'd been injecting into his voice back before Anakin had begun to come around was all but gone, right along with his own initial desire to leave.

If anything, he was now far more frightened of being sent away than he was at the notion of staying behind to help.

"You can sit in the dark for a little while," he went on, when Anakin didn't answer him right away. "And drink some water, too. I'll do the driving, and the kids will think it's all for fun; by the time we get back here, you'll feel a lot better." With his eyes instead of his mouth, Ferus added to that, If you're as tired as you look, you can even rest your head on my shoulder for a while and try to fall asleep— just like you always used to. Few things had felt better to Ferus, back when he'd still been nineteen.

Anakin was a bit slow sometimes, but he wasn't stupid: He more than understood. Although he smiled, Ferus' offer was nearly enough to start him crying again; the only thing that stopped it was a noise— one that seemed sudden, but really wasn't.

He turned his head, because he could hear the gravel in the driveway crunching beneath the tires of what he already knew to be his ex-wife's little green sedan. (It did not escape him that the sound would never have wafted through the front window so clearly, had Ferus not had the prescience to open it when he'd arrived.)

"...Ferus," he said, voice catching in his throat yet again as somebody outside opened and shut one of the car's doors. "I... I think a movie is a good idea, but I— I... I'm also still sorry for—"

"Don't be." Ferus squeezed Anakin's hand one last time, then released it in favour of motioning towards the front door, as if to usher him in its direction. "You don't have time for 'sorry' right now, remember?"

Anakin nodded. "...Still," he said, grasping the knob, "I know I need to make this up to you, and I will— I promise."

Briefly, Ferus paused to think. "...If you really want to make it up to me," he proposed with an admittedly sly smile, "then you can do it by coming to the game on Wednesday. How does that sound?" He felt especially satisfied with himself, because he knew Anakin didn't have time to argue with him. Besides— during their initial phone conversation, he had promised to do 'anything' in return for Ferus' help.

"I— Ferus, you know I haven't been to the arena in—"

Just then, there was a knock at the door: It was quick and enthusiastic, almost certainly belonging to either Luke or Leia (but probably Luke).

Anakin half-sighed, and— feeling for all intents and purposes as though he didn't have any other options available to him— reluctantly agreed to Ferus' condition. "...Fine," he said, "I'll come by, but I really don't think—"

It didn't matter what Anakin thought, though, because he'd already begun to open the door... and as soon as the gap was wide enough for Luke and Leia to slide in past one another, they did: Calling out greetings to both their dad and to their newly-grinning 'uncle' Ferus beside him— whose presence, of course, they didn't think twice about as they bounded into the freshly-tidied living room, immediately taking it upon themselves to make it their own.

They had no idea what it (or their dad) had looked like mere hours before... and now, thanks to Ferus, they wouldn't have to. All Luke and Leia needed to know about their dad today was that he loved them, and (hockey or no hockey) Ferus was going to make sure that his love for them was all they got to see this weekend.

Anything else he and Anakin needed to worry about, they could worry about it later on— together, the way they always should have.

[jkknight98]

Red Consolation

Hey anon from a few days ago, I finally got the Eret story written for you. I'm still a little hesitant that I may wrote them a little out of character since I'm still new to them (and since in my research i found that they are comfortable with any pronouns, I stuck with they/them just to be safe) I couldn't help myself but add in a sprinkling of angst here and there since I find the fluff has more impact that way and I still have trouble writting full fluff stories. I hope you enjoy it either way~

It took you a few days before you could peacefully sleep, the screaming seemed to haunt your sleep every time you tried to close your eyes, even now your tiredness could easily be seen by those who tried to check up on you. Puffy did her best to help you where she could, but even you could see how the events of the Red banquet affected her as well, so there was equal comfort thrown her way.

It had really hurt to see how some of your closest friends had tried to murder you for the sake of some giant unhatched abomination, especially when you hand felt the once gentle hands of Bad grab your arm like a vice, you even still had the faint bruises in the shape of his fingers. You were tracing these as you thought back to the worst part of the night, the moment when you were sure your best friend was going to die before you. It had taken a lot of Foolish’s strength to stop you from lunging at Antfrost as he Took Eret to kneel before the egg, tears fully falling down your face as they talked about how a liar like him would make the perfect first sacrifice.

You felt fresh tears start to roll down your face as you thought about Foolish, you knew that he still had two other canon lives, but the sight of him being stuck down was still traumatizing. You could still vividly hear the sound of Puffy’s screams of both sorrow and rage as she fell to her knees beside you.

“ What are you doing up here?” The smooth British voice jumped you from your reminiscing and nearly caused you to slip from the stone ledge you were sitting on, but a large hand was quick to gently grab your arm to prevent you from fully sliding off,” When I offered for you to stay at my castle any time you needed, I didn’t mean for you to do it as a ghost.”

You turned your head to see a small smile on Erets face as they helped you to stand,” Sorry Eret, the top of your castle is a quiet place to think, plus it's away from... People.”  You saw the same worried smile cross their face that everyone else had when you brought up any mention of the banquet, but you were still slightly surprised by the comforting arm that placed itself over your shoulder and pulled you into their side.

“I know what you mean… it was even hard for me to make the new part to the museum after everything that happened, but this isn’t the safest place to lose yourself to those memories, Bad and a few of the others were never caught, I wouldn’t put it past them to try and still take people.” Their face turned to look back over the edge of the castle walls, taking in the slowly setting sun around the rest of the builds that could be seen,” I wouldn’t want to see anyone else taken off guard by them,” they turned back to look down at you with a soft smile as they moved to ruffle your hair gently,” especially one of my closest friends.”

You couldn’t help the smile that graced your face as you leaned into their touch,” I really appreciate that Eret, but I think I really need to get away from everyone since they keep looking at me with so much pity, though I'm also scared to stay alone as you said; I don’t want to be taken.” You laughed to yourself as you thought over your request, it was absolutely impossible to fulfill even if you tried your best, you wanted to be alone in your sorrow, but your loneliness could lead to your downfall, it was really frustrating.

Eret could easily see how frustrated you were with the situation and they desperately wanted to help you, you were one of the first people to forgive them after their past actions, so they wanted to repay that kindness in full. Their eyes widened slightly behind the dark shades as a crazy idea crossed their mind, did they build back enough trust to use it though, one wrong move could easily destroy all that trust. They cleared their throat quietly,” Hey…. I might have an idea that could help, but I don’t want to scare you with it since it involves my heritage.”

You could see the apprehension painted on their face, but you gently knocked the dark shades asque so you could see the shocked white eyes,” Yeah yeah, you're the son of the Minecraft devil, you going to use some of your dad’s weird powers to make me a panic room?” Your joking smile slowly faded as you saw how serious Eret’s face was, they were looking at you with so much worry, almost as if one mistake would make you run off. “What’s with that look? You're not going to scare me off, I promise.”

Eret couldn’t help but smile when you placed a reassuring hand on their arm,” it’s still weird though, I’m just thankful I got the powers instead of Adam, he would have been a nightmare (if you know what Tictok I’m referencing you get a brownie point). You're going to need to fully trust me to do this, which I know can be a hard thing to do.``

You just smiled softly which made ruler sigh as they took off their shades, fully showing off the pure white eyes that glowed softly in the setting sun,” this is going to be a little scary in the beginning, but it helps if you keep your eyes shut throughout the entire process, can you promise me to do that.” Their face was completely serious as they placed a pair of hands on your shoulder, keeping the grip gently, but firm all the same.

“Ok, I trust you Eret, you wouldn’t be this elaborate if you were just trying to kill me.” You gave them one more soft smile before fully closing your eyes, flinching slightly when the hands on your shoulders gripped tighter, a tingling feeling spreading across your body as the hands almost felt like they were getting larger and larger. You couldn’t help but fidget slightly as you felt the feeling of being picked up, but not like how you've ever been lifted before,” Eret... I can't help but feel a little freaked out right now, what have you done to me?”

The stomach-dropping feeling was a bit more frightening and you were surprised at how their voice was much more amplified and you could swear you felt a warm breeze when they spoke,” I’m sorry that it feels so weird already, it's not yet over though, I only made your size a bit more manageable, do you want me to stop or keep going?”

You kept still for a moment as you thought everything over, made your size more manageable? That was slightly strange, but not out of the ordinary, you heard about what happened when Schlatt died. You also gently rubbed your hand over the ‘platform’ you were currently sitting on, noting how much it felt like skin, and opened your eyes and laughed at the shocked expression on Erets face,” Did you really think that this would scare me.”

Eret was fully prepared for you to scream at them when they saw your eyes open, flinching away as they waited for the explosion, but was surprised when you started to laugh,” most normal people would freak out when they're being held by a giant,” they lifted their other hand to gently poke at you,” but I guess you're not that normal if your laughing at me.” They smiled when you pushed their finger away, but slightly frowned as they saw that the sun was almost fully set and mobs would soon be spawning,” now this is the weird part, I could just keep you in my pocket for a little while, but that would be very dangerous. The other option is much safer and you wouldn't risk being seen by anyone, but its,” Their free hand subconsciously moved to rest over their stomach and they could see your eyes widen slightly as you caught on to what they were suggesting,” I’m leaving the choice fully up to you though, You trusted me this far, I'm not going to force you either way.”

Your mind was brought back to when you spoke to your friend about what happened to them when they were stuck with Schlatt. They admitted that even though the majority of the experience was utterly horrible, resting in the stomach wasn’t that terrible, and they could sleep inside it when they had a rare peaceful moment. This was Eret though, and you knew that it wouldn’t be the same if you agree to the idea. You took a moment to think over the options, the pocket would be an interesting situation, but there would be a lot of dangers and accidents. The stomach, however... You would be completely and utterly enclosed by Eret, and left fully at their mercy, but you would be held in their center and right near their heart. No one would be able to harm you there. You took a slow and slightly shaky breath before looking up into the worried face of your closest friend,” if you promise I’ll be completely safe, I think I'll let you swallow me.”

Eret let out the breath that they didn’t realize they were holding,” I swear on all my lives that you will be completely safe.” They gently pulled you closer to their face and looked hard for any sense of backing out, but saw none in your determined eyes,” Do you want to go  in yourself, or do you want me to take over fully?” They watched as you shook your head and relaxed in their hand, clearly letting them take full control of the situation, it made their heart warm to see you so trusting of them,” I’ll be gentle as I can alright.”

They slowly adjust their grip on your body, which was now the size of a small action figure and gently slide your legs inside their mouth, keeping a careful eye on your face as they used their tongue to gently wrap around them. They couldn’t help but let out a low sound as they tasted more of your skin. They didn’t expect for you to have a taste really, but there clearly was a delicious flavor seeping from your skin.

It took everything in you not to laugh at the ticklish sensation of the tongue wrapping around your legs, or when your body was slightly vibrated by the low hum that Eret let out, apparently you tasted good, you did however look to see that the sun had fully set and the moon was edging its way into the sky,” As funny as it is to watch you like this, it's dark and I would like to see how well I'll be able to sleep.” You couldn't stop the laugh this time as you watched a violent blush spread across their cheeks, it was a really funny sight to see.

Eret could only roll their eyes at your teasing as they tilted up their head to speed up the process, opening their mouth wider as they watched you slide further into their mouth until they could fully close it. They hummed a little harder as you wriggled slightly to get comfortable, they gave a few more gentle licks to ensure that the travel down would be smooth, smiling slightly when they caused you to laugh as they brushed your sides. Eret took one last deep breath through their nose before taking the first swallow, using a hand to feel the tiny bump between their jaw and adams apple before swallowing again and again, feeling the bump grow a touch larger as your form fully moved into their throat before ‘disappearing’ under their collarbone, ” that went better than I thought, “ they moved their hand to rest over his stomach as the organ gave a low gurgling sound in anticipation for your arrival.

You would be wrong to think that a mouth would be soft before this experience, but beyond the initial reaction towards the damp saliva, Erets mouth had to be the softest thing you have ever experienced. You let your hands quickly explore the slightly cramped space around you as the tongue moved to rub your skin, the palate and teeth were surprisingly smooth to the touch and at your new size, you swore you could almost feel the individual taste buds on the tongue's bumpy surface. You couldn't help but giggle loudly when the tongue ran across your sides, karma for your earlier teasing took hold as you were unable to escape the licks.  You gave a short yelp when the first swallow took hold of your legs, the muscles were firm and there was nothing you could do as you were pulled from the mouth and into the throat.

The muscles here were very tight and you did feel the slightest twinge of fear as you were rendered completely immobile, you involuntarily squirmed when you felt the tightness get worse. Your thoughts were blotted out fully when you passed by the heart and lungs, it was both awe inspiring and humbling, you were passing by the very organs that kept Eret alive; almost touching them. You gave a whispery groan as you were pressed harshly into a fleshy wall, but it quickly opened and you found yourself shoved into the gurgling organ. The walls were fairly quick in exploring your form, riplings and squeezing until you were moved into a loose ball as your weight was being fully supported, you could see that the walls were a fairly dull red color. You felt your breathing hitch slightly as you noticed this fact, it was red, red like the banquet, red like the egg, red like the-

“Hey….your shaking really hard… your with me remember, oh it's the color isn't it, fuck I didn't think about that.” Eret began to gently rub at your shaking form when they felt your panic, they didn't even think on what would happen when you got pushed into a fully red space, They really were a idiot sometimes,” Hey.. hey, don’t focus on the color, listen to the sound of my voice ok, or focus on the sound of my heartbeat. Your close to it so you can focus on the to help control your breathing,” They moved their hand to gently rub at you, making small circles on what they assumed to be your back,” I’m here with you, no one can reach you without going through me ok, I will protect you with my everything.”

You flinched slightly when you felt the force touch you from outside the red walls, but slowly the words managed to get through your head, and you began to focus on the heartbeat fully. It had faded in the background during your initial panic, but now it was a mildly loud and constant beat that gave your mind something to focus on. Slowly but surely you felt yourself start to calm back down as your breathing slowed and your own heart started to beat in tandem with Eret’s, you closed your eyes and leaned your body further into the comforting touch,” Thanks Eret, once you get past the color, your really comfy inside,” you couldn’t help but laugh suddenly,” you put a whole new meaning being a softy on the inside.”

Eret could only huff in embarrassment after your comment and further laughter, but they couldn’t help but feel glad to feel you fully relax into a warm lump once more, they did flinch when their stomach clenched around you slightly and couldn’t stop the quiet burp that escaped them. The laughter from inside their stomach only got louder at that,” Stop laughing at me,” they quickly got up from the castle wall and made their way towards their own bedroom since it was fully night now and the previous scare had really drained the last bit of their energy,” I’m going to get some sleep and I suggest you do the same since you think I'm so comfy inside, or do I need to sing you a lullaby?” They were a little surprised to hear that you did want a lullaby, they really didn’t sing that often, but they would give it their best shot. They slowly eased themselves into bed to not jostle your form too much, and laid a hand protectively over you as their own head laid on their pillow, they took in a slow breath before starting to hum a low tune.

You snuggled further down into the warm flesh as you felt the start of Eret’s lullaby, the low vibrations causing the area around you to feel even more relaxing as your body felt heavier, you couldn’t help the large yawn that escaped you. This really was the most at peace you have ever felt in a long time,” Thank you Eret, thank you for everything,” you thought you heard the humming stutter slightly, but you were quickly lulled into sleep once you felt more comforting rubs across your back.

[aestheticsuwu]

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

Hope you like it @indecisive-behaviors sorry for my bad writting i couldnt help myself to write a little snippet lol .

....... ........

Johnny lawrence had a hard time growing up and adjusting from just him and his mother to living with Sid .

The man expected alot from him even if he was just a kid . Every move he made was being watched , waiting for one mistake .

When he was a teenager , he and his friends would beat the shit out of kids who seemed weaker or in Dutch words a fairy .

He was full of anger and it was the only way to let some steam .

The other half he spent being with his girlfriend Ali that he loved , but she later broke up with him because he wasn't the guy she fell in love with .

Not even a week later she started dating a guy from college .It made him angry , made him like he was nothing but a weak boy .

Felt like he was full of anger like a dark cloud just following him .

Sid always gave him shit , always telling him that he was just a pussy and just like the kids he would beat up .

College wasn't for him it was just time wasted , he dropped out with one month in . The look of dissapointment of his mom hurt him more than the harsh words Sid yelled at him .

Then one day he crossed into a man named kreese , he was wasted but soon after he got into a fight with a dumbass that got in his way .

Kreese stopped him before he killed the guy . Told him he had potential of being something big , at first he thought he was full of shit and almost threw hands at him too .

The man gave him a card to call him when he was tired of wasting away talent .

Thats how he was thrown into the underground business after he was thrown in jail almost killing Sid and left him in pulp .

Kreese had taken him out of jail , Johnny had to repay the favor by doing what he did best using his anger and destroying the ones around him .

Johnny thrived from the anger that pumped in his veins , the blood that would splatter and the satifaction of feeling in control .

He didnt want to give the feeling or the money up .

He was Kreese favorite fighter his star pupil , thats why he was the only one to get to meet the boss of the underground that was given to John Kreese to keep an eye on .

" You were born to be a cobra, lawrence with that power you can control the world with just the palm of your fist . "

He believed every word yet when he wanted the person he couldnt have . He felt like a useless powerless ant .

He wished to he had never went with kreese to meet the man thaat would hurt the person he would love the most .

..

The Mansion was huge bigger than the ones he grew up with Sid. Maids and butler walked around and carrying on with their dutties . They were directed to the backyard full of little trees and cherry blossoms that seemed the opposite of the tales of Mr. Silver .

A foot in the garden , weirdly he felt relaxed even more so when he had spent the night with shannon and smoking weed .

" Did you wrapped your hand like i told you  yesterday , if you dont start taking care of yourself someone else will take your place . "

" Yes sensei , Carmen helped me out and We both know no one can take my place .

Kreese chuckles proudly .

" John my man ! Long time no see , What do i owe the pleasure .

" Its been a while has it . Hope im not interrupting  . "

" nonsense pal . "

" I wanted you to meet you lawrence , the one i been talking about . "

The man had piercing cold stare , but johnny wasn't scared when he almost killed sid with his bare hands , hes not going to start now just because the guy was freakin rich .

Terry looked unimpressed,  like he was staring a gum at the bottom of his shoe .

" How old are you kid  ? "

" 24 ."

" Does he got the potential for it or will he back out like scared kid ? "

The question was directed to kreese like if he wasn't just standing there . God he wanted to beat the shit of this self absorbed guy .

" I could prove it to you right now . " He answers before Kreese could get a word in .

The guys just chuckles and smiles , Johnny really wanted to break his hand where he places it on his shoulder .

" Alright then , Your in the big boy world now . "

" Mr . Silver ? "

A older lady called , He guessed she was a secretary or probably his wife .

" Mr. LaRusso said that hes going to church and you could stay here with your friends . "

" Nonsense . Get the car ready , Well gentleman got any plans today ? . "

.....

It had been awhile he had gone to church , couldn't remember at all .

Stepping out of the car , he watches in the distance where Mr. Silver and the larusso guy- he looked more like a boy to him .

When the guy walks in first , Silver makes a hand motion to follow him . They make him sit besides the boy while Kreese and Terry sit in the back to talk business .

All he wanted to do was run the fuck out of there . He felt everyone could see his bloodstained hands , and all the fucked up shit he's done and about to do .

He didnt even realise his leg was bouncing until he felt a dainty hand over his , where he place above his knee .

" First time ? "

" Its been awhile . "

" Focus on the beautiful angels instead of thinking about how the people might see your sins . "

The boy whispered to him , not once he looked at him in the entire conversation but he didnt take his hand back either .

Johnny looked at the angel , he felt the whispers and the judging eyes dissapear, For the first time he wondered how can an angel look so sad and beautiful at the same time .

Said angel turned to face him , Johnny felt mesmerized by his huge doe eyes .

" What are you doing ? "

Clenching his fist to feel the dull ache of his knuckles . Holding his gaze , his eye flicker one more time to their hands and then back to him .

" Looking at the angel . "

....... ....... ........

" If im Bambi , What does that make you , the lion ? "

" i guess it does , The lion has to protect the Bambi from the hungry snakes . "

[ackermanshoe]

Edited lmao: warning this is kinda pointless and alot of farfetched theory and a veryyy long post please read at your own risk 🤡

Edit again: my analysis when I started it 1 month ago: 👩‍💼🖨️📇✒️🖋️✏️

My post now: 🤡🤡🤡🕯️🕯️🤡

Edit: I started writing this like ages ago but I don't see my own point with this writting and I'm editing it after reading @nini14 's Ackerman breaking the cycle analysis and I feel like both of these go hand in hand. So without further ado:

Triangles

Let's see as we all are made aware that aot significantly revolves around trios of friends such as the following :

Although these are the main trios that is noticeable, other trios can be made out by taking some characters from their original trios to make trios based on looks / character and dynamics. And this is where my argument comes in with this trio:

Their dynamic has always been mother father and son. Now let me explain, idk if anyone has heard about the drama triangle but here

These terms can be applied to MLE trio, Levi being the persecutor, Mikasa is the rescuer and the victim being Eren. In the first 3 seasons at least, Eren was being taken away and his decisions constently put him in danger, Levi being the persecutor who always gives Eren what he deserves for being a pain the ass and Mikasa being the rescuer always siding with Eren and protecting him no matter what. Do you see it?

This is Mikasa to a T.

The following is an example of the dad being the rescuer and the son "junior" being a victim, and much like Eren, could possibly refuse the hand that is helping him.

So that being said now that we have an understanding of their dynamics in the relationship, let's get back to understanding a triangle. Did you know triangles are one of the strongest shape because it has three sides that rely on each other hence shifting their energies on to each side and it makes the perfect shape for a bridge, architectures favourite. Why am I tell you this?

Because these dynamics that every trio is made up of in aot is because they have strong relationships.

Someone mentioned isayama loves putting move triangles and I couldn't help but agree, look at how many times he has placed Eren historia and an angry Mikasa? And subtly he has always ( to me at least) hinted the love triangle between Levi Mikasa and Eren, outside of their father-mother-son dynamic. Personally this makes sense to me the most, fueled by mikasa's dream. A choice was there to make and she unknowingly chose Levi.

Now this brings me to the death of all the trios Levi has been part of, from Isabel & Farlan to hanjo & Erwin to where we are now. Our situation before S4 was EMA+Levi = 4 people but we all know that a square isn't as strong as a triangle so something shifted. Eren, even with him in it Armin and him were more connected as for Levi and Mikasa as a pair it was more obvious. Especially in the conversation EMA had in that stare place as depicted on @gilly-bj 's analysis on similarities between rivamika and Mika's parents. Not only was Mikasa placed directly next to Levi although being feets apart in reality but her lines "another conversation only you two understand" it. Visually and verbally divided Mikasa from Eren and Armin and connected her to Levi. Both alone.

Yet another triangle placed by isayama intentionally or not is Armin Mikasa and Levi.

Because a triangle represents the process of recycle and reuse it also represent the cycle of life, an on going thing that doesn't stop, a history that repeats itself. And going back to Ackerman finally breaking this cycle of tragic fate, will they?

The fact that the whole manga series start at chapter 0 is very suspicious in it self. Why does it isyamaa? A 0, a circle that comes back around? A 0 which represents both the ending and the beginning? Why is the 1st chapter called "to you, 2000 years from now"? ( That's such a fucking impactful chapter name gives me chills )

Before my theory start I just wanna add that the story started from a narrative perspective makes me wanna believe in rivamika even more. Did eldians share the same fate in 2000 years? Who knows, but I know for sure Erens and mikasa's dynamic as the impulsive hotheaded doer and their protective calm but strong friend thinker will continue forever just like the never ending triangles.

I forgot all these ppls names on chaoter 0 so PLS bare with me.

The main dude who heavily resembles Mikasa even tho he is a man, has a incredible power just like the Ackerman's as a human AND he can shift into a titan???? Last time I checked weren't Ackerman's the bio product of titans? Remember is science is on a ongoing journey and forever progressing towards the impossible ;)

Hmmm

The little girl who resembles Gabi, who has the same dynamic as Eren, the girl also looks up to his inhumanly powers, a little too much alike Eren's idolisation of Levi ( and looking up to Mikasa's strength I think )?

Lastly, chapter 0 makes me believe it was set in the future. Look at the buildings, 2 story buildings I don't remember seeing buildings like this in the pre time skip era have you? I could be wrong tho.

If Isayama is as smart as we think he is then he might have related this chapter to the whole plot of aot. 🤷 Or it could mean something. And here's where my theory comes in and it may not be the most favourable for eldians. Let me start with the good part tho, the guy who looked like Mikasa is could be a descendant from the Ackerman clan, but he isn't half and half like Mikasa and Levi, he's full blooded. Which might be why he has the power to shift ( idk this kinda don't make sense since Mikasa and Levi can't buy hush )

So let's say rivamika got married had a family they always wanted and had the peaceful life and 2000 years from then this guy^ existed. Oddly familiar to great great great grammakasa 💀💀.

The cycle never ended for eldians, the whole world could still be mad at them for Erens action and has the prejudice against them for a long time. And the fact that they can shift is never going to change even 2000 years in the future. And the guy ( omg I keep calling him the guy cause I literally can not be bothered figuring out his name ) who lives in a far more developed society with richer civilization within the wall. It could be possible that Ymir or someone erased the eldians memories ONCE AGAIN after the rumbling ended. Because Mikasa levi weren't effected they probably were excused and got to live as they pleased. This dude is also the reason why I believe isayama does not consider the Ackerman's as side characters at all. In the end the story might have actually started with them, alluding to "the ending is just the beginning" as said by kingsama himself. ( Wtf am I saying lol )

So yeah in conclusion as I said yes story is weirdly really influenced by a large amount of triangles and loops. And yes ackerman probably would break the cycle of death after all living through hell fighting hell all for what? If not recreating into a heaven, giving it new life. I do believe in rivamika living the life they are destined for with each other but eldians fate might just be too tragic for me to see them as truly free people who gets to roam around outside the walls as they please.

I guess my point is that everything that goes around will come around, that will bring good karma for the Ackerman's and maybe a repeation of the past for the rest of the world. 😩😩 I think I fully somehow believe Eren is gone for good. Unless isayama draws him waking up from a long dream on his bed then 💀👀👀 I will throw myself away.

Thank you for reading 💞 once again I'm so sorry this post isn't as good as I'd like it to be I am sleep deprived right now and it isn't worded as well as of like it to be. But hope my delulu ness was enjoyable at least. ✌️💀

[hollowscreekmuses]

"Not when you have this crazy thing inside of you clouding your judgment, trust me," he sighs, "Well I'm glad you do, man, but sometimes friend isn't enough, that's all I'm saying," Avery raises both his hands in a surrendering manner, he couldn't judge the other, not too long ago he felt the same way, not because he wanted to keep people away, mostly because he never truly thought about all this. Love, a family. "I know, I'm not saying right now, I guess this whole wolf thing just made me think that's all," he shurgs, there was no way in hell he was gonna make this a priority when he couldn't even control himself. Avery raises an eyebrow not really adding much about it, the truth was they've been away for a while, maybe Jesse had experienced things he didn't know about it yet, "Hey!" he moves closer, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, "You're looking out for me, I get it. Thank you," and he's being honest here, he knows why Jesse's being protective, its because he cared and all that shows was that the other was a good friend. "Write him?" Avery thinks about it for a few seconds, Jesse is not wrong, and it's not like he doesn't have pratice in writting his feelings, so, maybe this was the way to go at least for now, "I'd have to write to both, because I didn't explain myself to either of them," the wolf nods, "But you're right! I really should do that, and I think my other dad,would appreciate it, you know how he is with this things," he smiles softly at the memories of his family, it still hurt to be away, but as time went on Avery felt a bit better about contacting them. "I know. But I'm your friend, I know you're all... Mr. tough guy but you do care," a teasing smile plays on Avery's lips, "So that's all I'm saying. Don't let our friendship cloud your judgemnt, that's all I mean." "I mean," he sighs, his eyes focused on Jesse's back as he's truned, Avery is not even sure he's meant to hear that, but--well now he's got wolf ears, it's kinda hard to miss somethings, "I've never felt anything for anyone, man, I think 'till this day I haven't, not that way," he sighs, running a hand trough his hair, "I didn't want to make things weird but--I," he pauses, closing his eyes as he speaks, "Found myself at random times thinking back to that kiss," Avery confesses, maybe it was his fault, he got confused and started this whole mess, their friendship's down fall, "And couldn't tell why so I thought I was falling for you," he opens his eyes, it feels good to actually, finally put this out there, it has been way too long, "I'm sorry if I looked at you, I'm sure if we've talked we'd be able to fix it," he shurgs. "Fine, fine!" Avery raises his hands again, " I belive you! no ass kicking needed!" though Avery is a bit amused by that, he decides not to point out he was now the stronger one, once he was the tiny dude, hanging around and counting on Jesse to help him in the fights,now things were different, but Avery loved the man and he wasn't here to be an ass an brag about how strong the wolf made him. "I am not," Avery assures the other, " I know I come off a this sily guy out here being friends and expecting the best of people, to never be let down or never get my heart broken, I know I give that idea a lot, but I'm more than that. I know about pain," while he didn't want to be seen as that guy, he also knew where Jesse was coming from, Avery was underestimated a lot, he, at least until now, despite the harships he had a happy outlook on life and sometimes that caused people to think he was an empty headed puppy, in Jesse's case though, he could see it come out of concern as well, which to be honest he did appreciate. "God, you're such a fucking asshole!" he can see Jesse's trying not to laugh and honestly this was all so silly, so of course this was said with a smile on his lips and didn't come from anger like before.

Avery can't help but start laughing as he notices Jesse struggling more and more to keep it in, "Shut the fuck up, you idiot!" he laughs, bruhing the long hair out of his face," You're ruining my whole point, damn it!" Avery shakes his head, he stops with a smile on his lips, "My point was just, beeing there done that, ya know? sex, being close to someone is not new to me, I'm not gonna fall that easy, I may be needy but I'm not stupid okay?" the fact that he perfered his afairs to be with people he was close to only helped him feel confident in the fact that he knew how to separate things. "I'll keep that in mind, I promise, but you don't need to worry about me on that front, dude, I'm a big boy, I can handle myself, okay? I've always could. I'll be fine," he reaches over to pat Jesse's back. "I guess that's just another thing we'll have to agree to disagree," Avery shrugs, there was no point in arguing about this, he was tired of them fighting anyway, "But maybe one day you'll change you mind and I'll be here." Avery nods as he looks over at the car, "That's fine, I haven't been going out much anyway. Do you want me to leave it here? give me a call when it's done?"

"I don't know man, I think it's pretty easy not to mention something." Maybe that was only the case of Jesse, though. "It's not about pushing people out- look around, I've got people around me, man. It's not like I'm alone, I've got friends." He knew what Avery meant and he still played it off because that worked in his favor. Even if he was surrounded by people, they were all kept at such a distance that if he ever needed to, he could still walk away, with no second glances. "Yeah, I agree," Jesse dropped in on top of Avery's comment there, heavily. "You got way too much shit on your plate right now to worry about this other crap." Though, it really was the truth. Sex and love and relationships... Avery was a still a young man, he had all the time in the world for that nonsense. But he was in the midst of this other crisis that definitely needed to be front and center of his focus- at least until he could talk to Jesse one-on-one without divulging into a fit of emotional outbreaks. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with emotional outbreaks, either... It was more the fact that he was the cause of them right now that bothered the human. Jesse made a face; he hadn't thought he was bragging about anything. "I know enough," he responded in a curt tone. Maybe the heartbreak he spoke of wasn't exactly from a romantic love and standpoint, but the man couldn't imagine that it would be too different. All of it was born from intimacy, just varying degrees of it. "Do what you want, whatever," he said then, shrugging. "You were gonna do it anyway." Most people did, regardless of whatever unsolicited advice they got. "I was just saying."

He shrugged again, at Avery's offer to replace his tool. He didn't even care about that, really. He just wanted to forget about the tool, because it kept his friend's physical changes so fresh in mind. And he didn't want to be afraid of Avery. "Why don't you write them?" Jesse suddenly suggested. "I mean, talking on the phone and stuff can be kind of hard but writing... I dunno, I always felt it was easier to get your thoughts across on the page than saying it all out loud.. You could let him know you're sorry, tell him how much you want to say about what's going on... That you'll be back as soon as you can. Might help ease your guilt and quell their concerns all in one go," he said, snapping his fingers as if it was that easy. Why couldn't it be that easy? At least it was an effort. "Since when have you ever known me not to do what I need to do to protect myself?" he gave Avery a look that clearly had that 'are you kidding me???' mentality to it. He needed no permission here to stand up for himself. But he wasn't going to kill the damn guy.

"You looked at me," Jesse muttered under breath, though he wasn't looking at the other man now as he confessed this. Maybe it wasn't fair to blame Avery for how things went down- in truth, it really wasn't either of their faults. They had just been stupid kids, barely old enough to make their own decisions and neither could have predicted anything bad to come of a silly children's game. But there had been, at least in Jesse's eyes, because he could still remember the way it had changed the way things felt between them. And yeah, Avery had looked at him differently after that and that was the reason Jesse let his sister's split be the catalyst for him to toss aside everything and everyone to invest himself in her instead. That decision had worked, though. Avery didn't look at him that way now, the years clearly having done their work to lessen whatever confusion the other man had of the situation. "Okay, I got that," Jesse ground out, now scowling back at the other. "But I've cleared that up now, haven't I? I told you I didn't want that, right? So unless you don't believe me, then stop talking like that before I kick your fucking ass!" He didn't really care how stupid it was to threaten someone who could now easily overpower him, but how else was he going to get the guy to stop talking like that? He didn't know any other way.

As Avery went over the laundry list of things he'd gone through, Jesse did have that sense of guilt develop again. He was right, he had been there to witness all of that. He knew that Avery's life hadn't been a straight and narrow road of easiness- the two of them had been running around, bothering the entire town, for Christ's sake. "Okay, alright, fine," Jesse said, once more lifting his hands up as he conceded, "you're right.. It's just.. Sometimes it feels like your dads have influenced you to see the world in rose-colored glasses." There were times with the way Avery behaved and spoke, it was hard not to see him as some innocent or, in the very least, naive person simply because he approached most stuff with this genuinely open perspective and not from a place of paranoid closure, like Jesse. But Avery was right... Just because he viewed things differently, didn't mean he was any less experienced or ready to face the world. They weren't the same person so they couldn't be expected to handle things the same way. Jesse needed to keep that dose of reality in mind.

He only watched Avery come to him, though this time Jesse didn't react much. The two of them were only trying to illicit responses and intimidation- that was obvious at this point, and it lessened the effect. This wasn't a serious moment. It wasn't anything, neither of them had any plans to do anything, and because of that, Jesse held no concerns. "Well that's nice," he commented dryly, as his lips pursed at the corners like he was trying not to smile. The urge felt so random yet it was there, they were such idiots. "Good to know." There was a shakiness to his tone, that said he was trying not to laugh. Not that he wanted to laugh at Avery, just the situation itself. And it wasn't like he didn't believe the guy. "All I was saying is, you're wanting it a little too much, alright?" he said then. "When you want it so bad, you'll start seeing anything as something more than it is, that's all." Jesse rolled his eyes some and shifted weight, a little tired of this. "You say I'm scared, I say I'm being prudent. We see it differently." Besides, it wasn't really that he was scared of loving someone. He was scared that someone might love him back, and then take it all away. Just as everyone else he's cared about has done. That's two entirely different things. "Good, then," he grunted, giving the man's car a pat. "You shouldn't drive this until the brake lines get changed. You risk the brakes going out."

[tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar]

Nice To Meet Ya

Pairing: JJ Maybank x You

Summary: You pump right into a cute stranger during a party.

Word Count: 1,403

Warnings: Mention of underage drinking (kinda), cursing and graphic sex scenes.

Note: The title is based on Niall Horan song but the writing isn't. I love reading a good smut with some fluff, so I'm trying to get better at writing it. Practice makes perfect :) Feedback helps alot. I hope you love it!

*my screenshot of a gif. Credit to the owner.*

The house party you got invited to remind you of every house party you've seen on a scene. Rafe, the guy from the beach earlier who invited you makes his way to you.

"There you are! Glad you made it." He eyes your best friend, and he doesn't try to hide his disappointment. "You bought a friend?"

"Of course," you twist your hair around your finger as you look up at him through your eyelashes. "That's okay, right? I'm sorry."

Not really, you think. Did he really think you were going to a stranger's house by yourself?

He says, "it's fine," which makes you smile. He returns it, but it drops when you take your best friend's hand to walk away, planning on getting drunk with free booze.

When you turn around you accidentally pump right into someone...And their red solo cup filled with beer.

"Oh shit!"

"Shit!"

You both yell. Looking up and away from your now-ruined shirt, you notice that the boy is staring right at your chest, still holding the cup in shock. From the way the rings on his fingers shine, he accidentally got beer on him too.

You notice that he is really cute. His fluffy waving blonde hair matches very well with his blue eyes. When he makes eye contact with you, his shock goes away. His smile as your face heats up for just embarrassing yourself twice in front of a cute stranger.

"Fuck my life." You huff, walking away to find a bathroom.

The fourth door you open is another bedroom. It looks like a basic teenage bedroom- probable Rafes-with a contented bathroom. Perfect.

You start looking for a shirt to borrow in the closet. It looks like a little wannabe Macy's with all button up long sleeves you push aside. "Where's a basic-ass t-shirt?"

"You can have mine," a voice says from behind you. You turn around and notice it's the cute blondie, leaning against the doorframe."But then I would have to walk around shirtless because of you."

"I think every here girl and some guys would thank me." You mumble and you don't know if he heard you until closing the door and asks, "Would you say good job to yourself?" In a teasing tone.

You go back to looking for a shirt in response.

"What's your name?"

You tell him, giving up on trying and failing to ignore him. You have a gut feeling he won't leave you alone. Which, surprise you seem okay with.

He pats at the bed next to him. As you sit down, he says, "I am sorry about your shirt."

"It's fine. Besides, I was only flirting with that guy to get into the party." He chuckles at the last part. "Smart girl."

Who knew two words could make you flush.

"God, you are really fucking adorable." You barely heard him but when you look at him, you see his blushing too.

You don't know who makes the first move.

Your straddling his lap as one hand wraps around your neck slightly, his thumb under your chin to kiss you at a good angel. His lips are soft against yours, tasting like weed and sea salt. No beer? He probably made it at the party at the same time as you, which means both of you know what you at doing.

And want it bad.

"Be here with me," he brings you out of your thoughts. You feel the cold metal of his rings against your back as he unhooks your bra. You back far enough to have room to take off your shirt. He slips his finger under a bra strap, pulling it down to your writs before he pulls it off with his teeth, throwing it across the room. "Or tell me to stop right now and I'll leave you alone. Let you go back to Rafe."

"Just shut up and kiss me." You start ridding against his leg, making you both groan and moan.

You help him take off his shirt. You can feel his relief when you don't mention the marks covering his upper body. You move off his lap to knee down between his legs. He never loses eye contact with you as you pull down his shorts. He kicks them off when they reach his ankles at the same time you grope his dick through his black underwear. You feel proud of yourself when you see pre-cum spots. Hearing him grunt, you take your time pulling his underwear off before you lick his head, wrapping your hand around him. With what your hand doesn't cover, you cover with your mouth and tongue.

"Keep doing that and I'll fuck your mouth instead." You look up at him to ask, "Why can't you fuck both?"

"Because I want to take my sweet time with you." A high pitch surprise yelp leaves you as he stands to pick you up. Your legs wrap around him but leave when he drops you back on the bed, hovering over you. His laugh makes you smile in a kiss.

It's nice and slow for a few minutes. He traces his finger underneath your breasts before he starts moving back and forth to suck on your nipples."Oh my god," you moan.

"It's actually me, JJ." He grins from ear to ear.

You think, "Cheecky bastard" is a better-suited name. Moaning louder, you pull the hair at the back of his head since one of his fingers unexpectedly went inside of you. "I'm sorry," he teases, moving down to sit between your legs."What was that? I didn't hear you."

Instead of replying, you close your eyes and rock your hips back and forth to the rhythm of his finger going in and out until he adds anther. It feels so good but you're in need of more.

"Do you have a condom?" You sound breathless.

"Yeah, in my wallet. One sec," he says, pressing a kiss on your inner thigh.

And another kiss on the opposite thigh, closer to your dripping wet opening.

"It's been more than one second."

Half way through saying 'one' your voice weakens as you feel his tongue slides slowly against your folds. JJ pulls himself up to a sitting position, "couldn't help myself." He kisses you once more on the lips.

He jumps off the bed and walks over to his jeans. You sit up to watch him.

"Do you always have a condom waiting?"You ask in a teasing, mocking tone.

"First thing they teach you in Boy Scouts is to always be prepared." He teases back.

When he is close enough, you pull on his necklace to come closer to you. Your hands go from his upper chest to his shoulders, his eyes become darker blue as he gets pulled down to hover over you. Both of his hands grab your wrists, putting them over your head. He starts kissing and licking your neck. You try to move your hands to touch his hair, back muscles - any part of him but he only smiles and tighten the grip he has on your wrists.

"Please, JJ." Hearing you whimper his name makes him silver and gets the urge to make you scream it over and over again.

He stops teasing you to open the condom.

You see your chance to finally touch him again and tease him so you grab it from him and say, "let me."

He growls when you roll the condom over his dick, and you feel him thrust in your hand. Instead of giving what he wants, you remove your hand and lay back down. "I'm ready."

"Baby," he looks at young, smirking "you're not when I start doing everything I want to do to you."

─────

Your best friend gave up on looking for you when a guy named John B and his girlfriend Sarah told her that their friend JJ was the one who spilled his drink on you. He didn't mean too, but Kiara teases about the fact that JJ didn't stop talking about you since seeing you at the beach. Before he could go up to you though, he watched as Rafe talked to you. They all got dragged to the party and it was Pope who pushed JJ towards you when he saw his friend staring at you and Rafe again.

They all tease you both when you guys come back stairs.

You're wearing JJ shirt.