#sorry again. i dont know why i apologize when i make the choice to post these

[seafoam-taide]

i hve this like. giant THING. that i want. so badly. and i think it’s actuually a horrible thing to want. like. it’s not something you should want. i think. i think i’m kind of horrible for wanting it. and i wish i could talk to literally anyone and get a second opinion any opinion just any opinion so i can at least know if it really is bad or not. but if it is bad then whoever i talk to would hate me i think. and maybe i would deserve it. but see i would have to ask someone who is familiar with the thing and therefore has some sort of authority on it. but most people i know who would be an authority on it are people i like a lot and want to be friends with. and i don’t want to ruin that by admitting this horrible evil fucking thing. but i /need/ answers. but i can’t ask for them. i can’t ever ask for them. and instead i hide with this huge horrible fucked up secret evil thing in my head and i’m just stuck here. and of course now that i’m not admitting to it i’m tricking these people who think i am nice. or good. when i’m secretly so horribly not. fuck

[rrcenic]

sorry for posting so much about the neil gaiman thing im very opinionated but heres my general take on neil gaiman (TW FOR S/A AND SU1C1D3!!!!)

good omens fandom please read this. yall need it

i wanna start with: believe victims. it might not be as bad as it was claimed to be bc the reporter was an anti bdsm terf who considers all bdsm 🍇 (including the bdsm w neil), but there was still clearly manipulation, weaponized power imbalance, and dubious consent. even if it wasnt s/a, it was fucked up. neil did some fucked up things

while we dont know if he actually s/ad those women, neil gaiman is clearly flawed

ive seen time and time again that his fans (specifically the good omens fandom) can get so viciously defensive of him that they refuse to see any flaws he has

as someone who was ruthlessly attacked because of neil, i hesitate to give him the benefit of the doub

when i had just turned 13, id just gotten on tumblr. i was thrilled that good omens season 2 was coming out. i was even more thrilled to see neil gaiman on tumblr. so i sent him an ask where i asked if crowley and aziraphale would kiss. i get why that was annoying. he probably got those asks all the time. but i worded it respectfully, and i was genuinely unaware that he was annoyed by this question

he responded to my ask with a multi paragraph callout post talking about how sick of this question he was. harsh, but not necessarily nefarious

the response wasnt the problem. it was that i got so many hate comments and death threats and people telling me i didnt deserve joy and i was ruining neils life and so many fucking anon "kys" asks that i had to quit tumblr. i tried to apologize to neil, i sent him countless apology asks where i begged him to ask people to stop cyber bullying me, but he never responded. it took years before i was able to communicate to him all the hate id received. his response was a basic "sorry for the miscommunication" and that he wished there was a way to convey tone on the internet (someone said "there is! tonetags!!" and he responded with "i dont like those"). the SAME COMMUNITY who told me to kms was suddenly saying "oh neil your such a saint" (THE TERM SAINT WAS USED MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!) and "this poor ignorant child"

i was a kid and i was bullied off the internet and neil didnt respond to my pleas for forgiveness for almost 2 years. i was also in the most unstable time of my life. i was EXTREMELY suicidal. people telling me to kms deeply affected me

plus he reblogs a ton of "vote blue no matter who" stuff. i dont agree w that statement but i think its okay for people to say if they actively support palestine. but neil gaiman doesnt post about palestine ever other than reblogging posts that say "sure maybe the stuff in palestine is bad but if you dont support biden 100% democracy will crumble!!!" also im pretty sure he never apologized for some older zionist posts

ive seen a lot of stuff where people are saying "hey shhh its okay i see good omens fans getting sad bc of the stuff with neil but its ok!! youre still a good person even if you ignore this issue!!" and like. huh??? i dont think ignoring it makes you evil but its certainly fucked up to not be critical of the media you consume. pretending nothings going on is immature. you all sound like jk rowling fans smh

his general attitude towards fans makes me uncomfortable. ive seen people bare their souls in his asks (all of them start with something along the lines of "oh sir mister gaiman sir i am nothing but a disgusting peon compared to you you saved my life id die for you!!!") and he gives rude cold responses. i mean of course he gets annoyed and of course he gets spam but no one is forcing him to respond to asks. he doesnt seem to care very much??? this doesnt make him a bad person ofcourse but it does give me the ick

summary: even if he didnt s/a those women his fans need to grow up. he is not a pure perfect person. he might not be evil but he makes some extremely damaging choices. hes not a saint and never has been. at the end of the day, hes a rich cishet white man

[strawnarrries]

Hey, this might be a little weird, but I have this thing where I always feel like I’m going to throw up during seggs. Could you please make a imagine or smtg abt the reader having to stop Harry during seggs bc they feel like they're going to throw up, and Harry comforts them bc they are embarrassed? Again, I apologize for this; it's ok if you don't want to do it. Anyways I love your posts.

aww thank you so much!! and of course! I hope you enjoy :)

Deep grunts were spilling from his lips as he moved in and out of you. It felt good. He always made you feel good, but right now, you couldn't focus on anything but the nausea taking over. You tried to fight it. It's happened many times before and you're not completely sure why, but every time you have sex, you feel like you're about to throw up.

"Okay, Harry, stop, stop, stop," you whimpered, pushing at his tattooed chest.

He immediately pulled out of you, eyes wide in worry, "What? Did I do something?"

Your relationship with Harry was fairly new, 3 months to be exact, and you've always been very embarrassed about the nausea that sex brings you in past relationships. You and Harry have had sex only a handful of times and the nausea has been tolerable, so this is the first time you've actually had to face it head-on with him.

"No, I feel nauseous," you hummed sitting sideways on the bed, hanging your legs over the edge with your back towards him.

"Are you sick?" he asked, scooting closer to you, hand rubbing circles on your bare back.

You sighed, not wanting to have this conversation, but knowing it has to be done, "No, this happens. I dont know why but every time I have sex I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Most of the time it's tolerable but right now it's really bad."

"Do you want some water or something?" he asked concerned.

"No, I'm fine. I never actually throw up, I just feel really dizzy."

He hummed in response, the embarrassment and vulnerability sinking into you quickly. You just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

"Harry, I'm so sorry."

"There's no reason to be sorry. You can't control how you feel. I just wish there was a way I could help you."

You groaned, "It's just so embarrassing."

"Why? It's just me." he soothed, adjusting himself so he was sat next to you, his bare thighs brushing yours.

"I just wish I could enjoy sex like how everyone else does. And I feel bad because I know it's annoyed my partners in the past when I'd have to stop and I really, really like you and hate to make you feel that way too, like I hate that I've ruined it for you."

"Woah ruined? You haven't ruined anything for me."

"Yes I have, I just did."

"Babe, stop beating yourself up over this. It's okay. You can't help what you feel. It pisses me off that boys in the past have made you feel that way. Please never, ever, ever feel like you've ruined sex for me. I dont like you because of the sex, Y/N, I like you because you're you. We could never have sex again and I'd still date ya."

"You would not," you giggled at him.

"I mean, It'd be fuckin' hard but I'd try for you."

"You're gonna make me cry."

"Why?" he grinned.

"'cause you're so sweet to me."

His smile widened and he pressed his lips to yours sweetly, "C'mon, let's get dressed and we can cuddle and watch a movie. Your choice."

"So you still like me?" you asked, wanting that last bit of confirmation.

"Of course, I still like you."

[ourdreamsareneon]

okay *cracks knuckles* I did a post about gale, time for his better half - astarion

Some of you don't have media literacy and it shows.

I dont know where to start so I'm gonna go hard before getting soft (insert sex joke.) Act 1 astarion is an asshole. He's manipulative and toxic and uses his power as a ~230 year old vampiric high elf to manipulate you into (among other things) having sex with him. I understand falling for him at that point, that's not your fault it's just the game gaming and the writers are really good at how they write his manipulation. However, it does strike me as strange that some of y'all get to the scene where he confesses to using and manipulating you and you....don't care? 'He's just damaged! its not his fault!' babygirl, someone can have a good reason for hurting you, but that doesn't take away the pain. I'm not saying that you shouldn't still love him, but it's strange how many of you disregard that scene. I know for me at least I was saddened by it and definitely was a little wary about him afterwards until beating Cazador and unlocking the nice happy healthy Astarion relationship.

Now here's where we get soft to prove that I actually like Astarion. The reason that confession stings for me is because I have many a memory of being SA'd then being told "I'm not even into you, you were just there." Ever since I stopped being a girl and became a woman, something that happened all too early in my life, I have been used and abused. And hey, sorry for making my Tav the exact same way but I like processing my trauma through D&D. I relate a lot to Astarion. Hurt people hurt people and I know that better than anyone. I also know better than anyone that picking yourself up and healing from that hurt sucks ass. Which brings me to two points. Um apologies for getting hard on you again.... insert another sex joke here.

1) Astarion isn't ace. I've seen this briefly and while I appreciate the need for queer rep, and love headcanons, I do think this discounts the struggle a lot of SA survivors go through. Okay, back to my life so we can compare. When I was chin deep in my abusive relationships and just general shitty time of my life, I was fucking and sucking literally so much it hurt. However as soon as I got out of that situation, I basically became celibate for 2 years. I didn't know how to have sex in a way that was healthy, or that wouldn't make me feel awful about myself. It was only this year that I was able to finally have sex in a way that made me happy. I think you'd be blind not to see Astarion in the same way. He's just a hurt man that is trying to rediscover and heal himself. Which is why he doesn't care about Tav and Halsin, and why you can have sex on his grave. He is very sexually open he just needs some time.

2) Ascended Astarion isn't sexy and I don't think some of you are ready for that conversation. Look I don't have time to go through this because I have a meeting in 30 minutes because I'm an adult with bad time management. But I just. Come here. Come real close. Abusive relationships aren't hot and sexy. We all love a little bit of kink but if you don't see Ascended Astarion as clearly the bad choice, I'm very confused. He's so sweet and loving and kind and HEALED if you don't let him ascend, I can't imagine not wanting that. And like I said, kink is fine! And ascending him because you're doing an evil run or whatever is also fine! Just please, I need teenagers to stop romanticising abuse because the media you consume does rub off on you.

TL;DR I love Astarion with all my heart, but by the writers own admission he was created as a Try Not To Overly Sexualise an Abuse Survivor Challenge and y'all are failing left and right!

[smiggles]

This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.

I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.

But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.

Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.

I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.

But that's up to you now.

Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.

Read more below

Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could. I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you. But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do. For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves. I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most. As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience. If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer. In the end Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.

[ralexsol]

“Give him more time” he has fucked up multiple times and we have forgiven him. He got free racial sensitivity guidance for months on end in hopes of improvement as well. THAT was the time given for him to fix shit. That was the grace period, that was us being kind.

People don’t want to wait anymore for him to keep fucking up every few months and make a Twitter apology post saying sorry, they want him to stop doing shit. And if months of free guidance and faith from fans isn’t enough then challenging the patreon financially is what’s going to have to happen. Why should we continue sending money to a person when we have no proof they are truly willing to change in any meaningful way? Why do I have to keep being patient for some white guy who has continually been told what is right and wrong to do not only bt the fandom on a large but again- literally by someone professionally there to tell him this shit.

Genuinely I’m asking how long are we willing to just let Grizzly do things without consequences for his actions.

as i just said in another ask, "give him more time" means a week. you can boycott him in a week. i literally dont care if you boycott him after that. just wait a minute to give him the chance to respond (or not) to organ bean's tweets. if he responds badly or not at all then go for it. if he responds well but doesn't actually change then fuck yeah get his ass. i know this has been going on for a long time but jesus christ this particular incident is escalating quickly.

also "free guidance and faith from fans" we are the FANS. they are making CONTENT for us. we are making SUGGESTIONS for how they make that content. they can take it or leave it, much as we can take or leave our time spent watching their content. disney doesnt pay us for criticizing their movies. that's not a thing that happens. ORGAN BEAN should be paid, because ORGAN BEAN was personally consulted. if organ bean is not paid, i will leave this fandom myself. if a LOT of things dont change, i will leave this fandom myself.

my advice to not boycott is for the people who have an interest in staying in the fandom, but still want change from the council. if you want to give it all up right now, if you're just done with it all, that's your choice - go for it. you can do whatever the hell you want, i literally dont care, good for you. genuinely. me personally, i dont think boycotting immediately is the right move

[romanticallyghosting]

Hi Ghost! So uh… yeah, here’s my post of pain IG.

I feel like most of my anxiety and depression are linked to doing things I love, which really, REALLY sucks.

I love acting, yet there’s always a dread that everyone there hates how annoying I can be, and I’ve been told so on certain occasions.

I love video games. Especially rhythm ones. I started up Rhythm Heaven Fever today (a classic), and I got to around the 6th batch of games before I started feeling bad. I was acing the ones before; why couldn’t I do so with these ones?

I started to beat myself up and scrutinize every mistake I made, just because I was bad at an otherwise amazing video game. Def top ten.

I know that kinda sounds pathetic, almost breaking down over a video game.

Also, I can’t really sleep at night. It takes me a while to get sleepy, and sometimes I just can’t fall asleep. So I instead turn to tumblr and start giving everybody the positive messages that I can’t really accept for myself.

Again, kinda sounds a little pathetic.

This ask can be private or public, I don’t really care.

Sorry for dumping all this on you. We barely know each other!

first off, dont apologize for it! i volunteered and i just want to make sure YOU feel safe and like you have a space to vent

and it’s not pathetic either. they’re real things that affect you, and when you genuinely feel bad about something, you deserve to be able to vent and work through it!

i also wrote some advice. i’m not sure if you actually want it or not, because we’re not super close, nd it’s completely your choice on whether you accept it or not, but i put it anyways :)

i know this sounds like simple advice, and you’ve probably gotten it before, but try to go easy on yourself. it’s easy to work yourself up into a negative space, and from what you’re saying it seems like your instinct is to just invalidate and push those feelings away. which is completely normal and people do that all the time! but (for me at least) sometimes it’s useful to acknowledge those feelings, and understand that even if they seem irrational for the situation you’re facing, that’s okay and those feelings are still valid. and it’s ok to allow yourself time to take a break and make sure that you’re actually in a mindset where you’re able to actually ENJOY the things you like :)

[kiss2012]

final 911 thoughts…

k tommy’s entrance in 7x03 kinda slayed ngl. the fake static LMAO

“i’d follow your hunches any day” “it’s cap and athena let them fire us” CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB

eddie’s incredulous happy little laugh when they saw the flare <3

this show is at its best when 1) it’s about the inherent goodness of humanity and how everyone deserves to be saved, 2) when the members of the 118 are in Situations, 3) when they r all a happy family, and 4) when they are flagrantly disobeying orders to save the people they love

TJE BACHELOR HAHAHDHHSHSHHSHAHAHAH

u don’t understand how funny this is to me (person who watched the most recent bachelorette live)

making buck bi in the bachelor episode literally the greatest thing they have ever done.

I LOVE MADDIE CHIMNEY AND JOSH TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO THE BACHELOR IS DHDJKDD

scream at joey’s face when the contestants proposition buck and eddie

once again buck continues his trend of either flirting on purpose or flirting without realizing he’s flirting.

HOW DID ANYONE GET THROUGH THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK ARE BUCK EDDIE AND TOMMY ALL DOING

buck saying he’s “keeping his options fluid” LOL.

look im glad to see harry even if the actor’s different i missed him but WHERE IS MAY

ravi i love you so deeply

oh my god ravi looks so beautiful

“you and tommy have a lot in common: both in the army both like watching half-naked men pummel each other” WHAT???? WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING

so i understand exactly what’s going on with buck right now he is certifiably insane but he’s obviously jealous over eddie and jealous over tommy and worried about being replaced especially with chris and insecure and confused about what he’s feeling etc. but eddie 😭😭😭 what’s going on babe

I LOVE MADDIE

ok seriously did we need a rehash of the WORST athena plotline to date???

BUCK IS SO EMBARRASSING.

oh my god i physically can’t watch this

ummmmm yikes

i’ve seen a lot of people both blindly defending buck for this and a lot of people hating on it and i don’t really think it’s that simple. like i think it was wrong wish we could see him apologize but it is some delicious drama. like suck ur teeth in hand over mouth kinda drama.

chimney pretty much summed it up and maddie was so right…love u madney

maddie’s hilarious for being like yeah buck i understand where ur coming from i also made desperate bids for my friend’s attention. when i was a 14 year old girl.

“so stop acting like one” YEAH LMAO

END OF 7x04. WOWWW THAT WAS A LOT

you’d think seeing half of this in gifsets would’ve desensitized me to it. but it hasn’t.

this would have been the perfect opportunity to have tommy talk about how he regrets his behaviour during the begins episodes and talk more about his friendships with hen and chimney??

tommy. BUCK!!!!!!!

scream.

um im sorry i cant blame tommy for leaving buck at the curb after that hot chicks comment. and then the “bro”??? im in agony.

i thought u guys were joking this is marisol’s like fourth appearance on screen and we’ve barely heard her speak let alone seen her interact with eddie but he “really likes her” and they’re moving in together? um excuse me??? WHY ARE THEY LYING TO ME I DONT KNOW THIS WOMAN NO ONE KNOWS THIS WOMAN NOT EVEN EDDIE KNOWS THIS WOMAN

ohhhh my god that post about how unlike tommy eddie’s always treated buck like an equal partner no matter what from the very beginning. yeah…

denny is so sweet.

MADDIE AND BUCK COMING OUT SCENE MY BELOVED

disaster bi buck fr (affectionate)

the “christopher is out of town for a couple days” is still killing me. where is he.

eddie is such a dreamboat truly who wouldn’t be in love with him

so many shannon mentions this season thank you…i miss you shannon

if you need me i’ll be thinking about eddie’s thumb on That Spot.

this end scene is the best buck has looked all episode the choice to have him literally bathed in sunlight is so real and true

7x06 time oh my god im so scared

maddie and hen look unbelievably stunning. jesus christ.

eddie looks beautiful in his beautiful pre-destroyed pink suit. buck…your suit was a Choice. i will free you from whoever is doing your hair like that pls buck just let me in i can fix it pls

eddie wasn’t overtly bitchy about tommy being there until he saw tommy hug buck. he’s so funny.

HENREN AND RAVIIIIII 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and all three of their outfits r a slay

can’t explain to you how much i love clipboard buck if clipboard buck has no lovers i am not on this earth etc. and a karaoke bachelor party really is such a thoughtful idea even if it’s not what chimney wanted

but once again buck is so embarrassing i can’t do this

thanks we had a…time. HFJFJDKD

MONTAGE <33333 buck and eddie’s bestieism is off the charts im gonna cry…

“i am 911” maddie buckley the woman that you are…

i unapologetically looked at a million spoilers for this episode but i still don’t know What happened to chimney and im scared

kevin and the lees 😭😭😭😭

CHIMNEY GOING BACK TO THE KARAOKE BAR HE AND KEVIN WORKED AT. OH IM SICK

“telling buck no is like telling a dog not to jump your leg” is definitely. a line. that. they chose. for this episode.

I LOVE YOU CHIMNEYYY

home and he went to the lees. god….

IM GONNA BE SAD ABOUT KEVIN FOREVER

moment 1363673 of buck giving me the worst and somehow most affectionate secondhand embarrassment i’ve ever felt in my life

perfect episode no notes. actually one note WHERE WAS ALBERT. but other than that im in shambles time to listen to islands in the stream on repeat

[compassionatereminders]

So, feel free to just delete this, obviously this is your blog lol I just feel like I need to spill it to a 3rd party, I hope that's ok- it's really long though so 100% there is no expectation to read or post it LMAO

So, I got into a big argument with my (now ex) gf where I basically said she and her friends, who said they were my friends too, were pretty much leaving me out of group chat convos and talking behind my back (I know this because they brought stuff up that I'd only told her.) And like- I understand I'm not going to be involved in literally every conversation she has! Some things are just between her and her friends, that's fine, I have friends I talk to without her too! But the fact that *nothing* I told her stayed between us made me really insecure and paranoid, so I stopped telling her important stuff, and then she got upset that I wasn't talking to her as much or giving her as much time. When I told her why, she got more upset and kind of dodged the accusation, saying that if I respected her more and gave her more of my time then we would be better off and I would be a better girlfriend.

I left the group chat pretty suddenly because I was overwhelmed and just didn't feel like I could do it anymore; they all expected me to be online 24/7 even when I told them I couldn't be, and because of this, there were a lot of times where my ex would send a picture of herself, get lots of support from the friends, and then they'd turn this silent spotlight onto me to see what I had to say about the selfie. Then, when I didn't respond bc I was busy, they would all get passive aggressive, and my ex would (I hate to use this word but I cant think of another one) mope about it until I apologized or did something to make up for it.

Recently we all made up, i apologized for whag i said because some of it was mean, and I was invited back to thr original GC, but it turns out they had all been talking bad about me behind my back, saying I was a coward for leaving, i was jealous of her talking to other people, and that I needed to support her no matter what, even if it was something I didn't agree with (we'd gotten into minor spat about abortion rights; im pro-choice, shes not, and it made me upset to find out). I dont really know how to feel. On one hand, yeah- they were supporting their friend who had a (fairly messy? Idk, that was my first relationship) breakup and sometimes a little smack talk is warranted, I won't pretend I was perfect. But on the other... they brought up a lot of stuff I did before we broke up that I didn't realize was a problem. How I don't like group calls because of my anxiety and that made me even more of a coward, how I didn't like sending pictures of myself and that was apparently me faking being insecure for attention, how I wouldn't answer things in the GC immediately even though they knew I had work and at the time was my nephew's most reliable babysitter.

My fight or flight activates pretty much every time I even open the app, but I don't want to just up and leave again because then they'd get mad all over. They haven't said anything to my face, so maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities or something, and I knew things wouldn't be the same as they were before, but I feel like my being back in the group has caused some serious tension. 2 of them clearly don't like me but won't say anything about it. 1 of them claims he's always blunt and will call me out if I go too far or smth, but he never has, and he was a big part of talking about me.

I don't know. They make me want to just ghost them and find new friends but 1. I would feel terrible if someone ghosted me and 2. I don't really have many opportunities to meet new people at the moment. I have 1 friend who isn't part of it but he lives an 18 hour drive away.

I know your relationship dynamic changed recently (in a good way, right?) so I really hope this wasn't like, uncomfortable to read or anything. Sorry for the mega rant

These people sound emotionally immature to the point of being toxic. I don't think you'll regret leaving this chat and moving on

[vrishchikawrites]

Its a prompt! (And dont worry about it, absolutely love reading your writing XD) Okay so dimension travel, so we all agree in a world where WWX was raised in another sect (like Lan/Nie) That he would be absolutely adored by them and everyone, healthy relationships( even Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian wouldn't be on a bad term much because no WWX JYL interaction) so! Canon!WWX from post ssc timeline gets transmigrated/summoned to one of these worlds where hes raised by either Lan or Nie so 1/2

They're a bit confused seeing WWX in black clothes, and seeing his gaunt/tired appearance and him being so on guard around them (since he's usually open and loved) that they ask him why is it so? Does he not know Lan Xichen/Nie Mingjue back from whicher place he came from, and Wei Wuxian goes 'Ive met them/we're not close' they ask 'sorry if its a bit personal but who were you raised by?' and WWX replies the Jiangs and cue everyone horrified cuz Jiangs areopen in their heavy dislike of WWX2/2

'It's my fault.' Nie Huaisang thinks as he frantically collects all the materials needed, 'It is my fault, I need to fix this.'

His er-ge was gone. His brother, Da-ge's pride and joy, the shining star of the Nie Clan.

Gone. Just like that.

One minute they're on an easy nighthunt and the next, Wei Wuxian is pushing him away to take an attack straight to his chest.

He knows his brother is gone. His body may be alive, but just barely. He's drowning in his own blood and there's nothing Nie Huaisang can do. There's no cognition in his eyes, that bright silver gaze is dull and blank.

He has to do something.

The ritual may not work. It came with so many warnings that Nie Huaisang lost the patience to read them all the way through. If something goes wrong, it goes wrong.

"Huaisang! What are you doing?!" Da-ge's voice is loud but Nie Huaisang doesn't pay any attention to it. The room is sealed and it would take da-ge some time to break through it.

"Nie Huaisang!"

Good, Lan Xichen is here. He'll take care of da-ge if something goes wrong.

"Huaisang!" There's a loud crash but he doesn't pay any attention to it, "Stop! Don't do something stupid."

"I need to save him. It is my fault, I need to save him!"

"Huaisang!"

There's a bright red flash and it drowns out everything.

---

Miraculously, he survives.

His fledgling Golden Core has shattered and melted into nothing, but he has survived.

And he has done it.

"Does your stupidity known no bounds?" Da-ge demands as Lan Wangji kneels by er-ge's bed and feeds him potent spiritual energy.

Wei Wuxian is alive. His cognition is intact and his Golden Core is stable but he's soaked in Resentful Energy.

"You destroyed your Golden Core, Huaisang! There's no recovering from it!"

"Wouldn't you do the same?" He demands, turning around to look at his oldest brother. He ignores Lan Xichen's alarmed voice and focuses on Nie Mingjue, "Is his life worth less than my Golden Core?"

Da-ge locks his jaw but doesn't reply. Of course, Wei Wuxian's life is worth more than a Golden Core.

"Huaisang," Lan Xichen sighs, "a-Xian wouldn't have wanted this."

"Look at Wangji-xiong and tell me that again." He says bluntly. He is tired and drained but no one can convince him that reviving er-ge wasn't the right choice.

Xichen-ge doesn't reply because no one can look at the devastated expression on Lan Wangji's face and say it wasn't worth it.

Huaisang doesn't feel the absence of the core as keenly as someone else might. He had only developed it during the Sunshot Campaign, after all.

He isn't like er-ge or Wangji-xiong, with their powerful cores and potent spiritual energy. The loss would've been devastating to them but is only an afterthought to him.

---

They realize something is off when Wei Wuxian opens his eyes and looks at them with distant wariness instead of familiar affection. He looks around and is instantly on guard, "Where... Why am I here?"

He looks directly at Wangji-xiong, "Lan Zhan? What are you... Have you brought me here?" He demanded, his expression shifting to something hostile, "Are we in Gusu?"

"Wei-gongzi," Xichen-ge calls for his attention, "I know you're very confused but please don't be alarmed. We're in your home at the Unclean Realm, not in Gusu."

Er-ge narrows his eyes and Huaisang recognizes that expression, even though it has never been directed towards them. A look of cool calculation as er-ge tries to decipher their motives. "My home?" He asks.

Wangji-xiong knows er-ge almost as well as they do. He reaches forward, "Wei Ying, let us explain, please."

It appears that this Wei Wuxian is just as vulnerable to Wangji-xiong as his brother had been because he softens immediately. His body is still tense but he seems to be willing to listen.

"You died in this world, saving Huaisang's life." Da-ge begins gruffly. Huaisang winces at the bluntness but er-ge seems to appreciate it, his sharp gaze focusing on their elder brother, "Yes, this world," Da-ge confirms, "Our didi decided he wouldn't tolerate it and decided to use one of our forbidden rituals to revive you. He didn't read things clearly. The ritual dragged your soul from another world and placed you in his body."

Er-ge's expression is skeptical, "Our didi..."

Wangji-xiong sucks in a sharp breath, "Wei Ying," His brother's gaze moves to his 'best friend', "You are Wei Wuxian, 23 years old, the Head Disciple of QingheNie Sect, the adopted younger brother of Nie Mingjue and older brother to Nie Huaisang. You were adopted by the former Nie-zongzhu when you were six years old."

Er-ge stares at Wangji-xiong in stunned disbelief but there's no denial in his expression.

No wonder, Wangji-xiong never lies. That must be true in his world as well.

"a-Xian," Er-ge winces and looks at Xichen-ge, "You need to rest and recover. Your Golden Core is stab-"

Er-ge gasps and immediately sits up, placing his hand on his chest. He closes his eyes and almost violently summons his spiritual energy.

"Wei Ying!" Wangji-xiong calls out in alarm but his brother doesn't pay any attention, his focus entirely inward.

"I have my Golden Core back..." Er-ge breathes, astonished but his skin goes white and he loses consciousness.

They exchange stunned glances before scrambling forward to check on him.

---

No one can deny Wei Wuxian has changed. It takes a month for his body to recover but his heart is still unsteady. He puts on every appearance of being alright, but Huaisang has grown up with this man. He knows something is off.

It is only when er-ge decides he needs to start training again that things start to become clear. Er-ge has trained all of his life to fight with a Dao. His movements are powerful and aggressive, designed to overwhelm the enemy.

Er-ge's mind, however, is accustomed to the traditional Jian. He seems to expect his movements to be lighter, faster. More agile and less powerful.

The dissonance makes him clumsy and he loses his first fight against Lan Wangji in a long time.

"Wei Ying?" Wangji-xiong frowns, "Your movements."

Da-ge has his concerned scowl on and he grabs Baxia, stepping into the training field, "With me, Wuxian."

This fight is faster and more brutal. Huaisang almost wants to protest but he can see er-ge adjust and adapt quickly.

His eyes gain a razor-sharp focus and his battle instincts come to the fore. "Good," Xichen-ge observes, "He's accepting his body."

Indeed, he is. Against da-ge's overwhelming force, there's nothing er-ge can do but react instinctively. They engage in several bouts and keep at it for over a shichen.

By the end of it, er-ge is exhausted but faintly triumphant.

"Lan Zhan, again!"

"Wei Ying, you need rest." Wangji-xiong says with a shake of his head, "Don't strain yourself."

"Why were you fighting like you wanted to wield a Jian, didi?" Da-ge asks sternly, "You were hesitant and weak in some strikes."

Er-ge grimaces and Xichen-ge steps forward. It has been over a month and though er-ge has seen how much they all care for him, he remains wary.

"a-Xian," Xichen-ge begins gently, "You weren't a part of the Nie Clan in the past, were you?"

Da-ge's scowl deepens at the thought of er-ge belonging to anyone else but them. They had suspected something like this, of course. But they had hoped that er-ge would've still been a part of the Nie Sect if not the Clan.

Er-ge remains wary but sighs, "No."

"Not the Lans," Xichen-ge observes astutely, "Not the Jins either. Were you a rogue cultivator? Or from a smaller sect?"

Er-ge studies him before shaking his head, "I was the Head Disciple of the Jiangs."

"What?" Wangji-xiong asks, his voice uncharacteristically sharp, "Jiangs?"

Da-ge looks furious and Xichen-ge seems pained. No wonder, given how... problematic the Jiang situation is. That family is entirely unsuitable for someone as loving and giving as his er-ge!

Jiang Wanyin is a complex mix of pride and insecurity. He lags behind all sect heirs, though Huaisang is fairly certain their batch of cultivators is particularly skilled. Er-ge and Wangji-xiong are exceptional in every way and Jin Zixuan is barely a few steps behind.

In the face of such competition, skilled but ordinary cultivators can't help but be overshadowed.

Jiang Fengmian, according to da-ge, is a meek little imitation of his former self. The man that pursued er-ge's mother had been strong and wise. He had the skill, political acumen, and grace to be an admirable Sect Leader.

His marriage to Yu Ziyuan ruined him.

And Yu Ziyuan is a nightmare. The one time she met Wei Wuxian, she had left such an impression that da-ge had cut all ties with the Jiang Sect until its Madam apologized to the Nie Sect Head Disciple.

That hadn't gone down well and the relationship between them is still sour.

"Do you want to return to them?" He blurts out, unable to help himself. If Jiangs are this Wei Wuxian's family then maybe-

"No."

They still because that's a very firm no. It is a complete and utter rejection of the very thought of it.

"No."

---

Getting the whole story out of er-ge is like pulling teeth but between Wangji-xiong's pleas, Xichen-ge's gentle questions, da-ge impassioned demands, and his own begging, they manage.

This Wei Wuxian doesn't love them yet but he sees their love for him clearly. That softens his heart and they get to hear every painful, excruciating aspect of his past life.

Wangji-xiong looks furious, da-ge paces, Xichen-ge is pale, but all of that doesn't matter.

He recognizes the look on er-ge's face. He has never seen it on him before, but he recognizes it.

Er-ge expects them to reject him. To abandon him for his 'sins'.

"Well, I don't have a Golden Core. Can you teach me Demonic Cultivation?"

"Huaisang!" Is yelled from almost every direction but he only has eyes for his older brother.

He sees those tired silver eyes study him for a moment before they soften completely, turning into the color of liquid moonlight. "You brat," Er-ge murmurs affectionately, "The thought of you wielding that power is nothing short of terrifying."

"But er-ge! Can you leave me defenseless, just like that? Don't you feel sorry for me-"

"Huaisang!" Da-ge snaps, "Stop trying to manipulate your brother!"

"Really, a-Sang, it isn't right for you to-"

Er-ge laughs. It's familiar, loud, and openly joyous. Silver eyes sparkle as he looks at them, "Don't worry, da-ge, he's a hundred years too early to manipulate me."

Wangji-xiong huffs, "Wei Ying."

"Lan Zhan," Er-ge teases, "How is that you manage to reprimand me by only saying my name? Shall I try it too? Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan!"

"And they're flirting again." He murmurs under his breath, drawing an amused look from Xichen-ge.

"Perhaps we really need to start betrothal negotiations," Xichen-ge says and da-ge scoffs.

"Not going to happen unless you're willing to part with your brother. Mine is my heir. He's not marrying into the Lans."

"Da-ge, be reasonable-"

Huaisang tunes them out and waves his fan in front of his face, his mind whirling.

He doesn't care about er-ge's marriage negotiations. He has bigger fish to fry.

Really, those Jins and Jiangs are getting too bold.

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader fanfic idea (Part 2)

So here we are, Incel!Shinsou is back and this time with a bit of growth that he needs to make independently (While thinking about the reader of course. Thank you so much to @blossominglark for sending in such a lovely message! Also here you can find a small explanation as to why i even started the Incel!Shinsou series.)

"I think I want you. I think you're bad. I think you're good, it's like the love I never had. I think I need you. Oh God, it's true. I think I'm falling and there's nothing I can do" - Beetlejuice Chill by Life After Youth

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 3: Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader (1/2)

How difficult could it be? To forget that you ever existed... thats what's haunting Shinsou ever since the conversation you two had a few days ago. He cant seem to focus anymore, everything just reeks of you. (His own bedroom where you two would sit on the floor and work on your project together. You would laugh at something that came on the television, every time resulting in his face heating up and heart beating harder at the sound, the beautiful sound, of your laughter. It doesn't feel the same anymore. He cant sit or sleep there anymore.) Shinsou starts speaking with Aizawa more, to be honest its not like Aizawa gave him that much of a choice. He needed to understand what was happening with his son and you in order to help or bring some constructive input.

Shinsou goes on and on about how he mocked you to his "friends". When questioned on his "friends" he said that they were all telling him that you needed to be taught how to be a "proper woman" the "perfect girl for them".

("Hitoshi what-...why would you...?"

"I don't know! It made sense when i was young and- i... i dont understand how or why and...please just- help me i dont understand!"

"It's ok, it's ok, come here." Aizawa hugs Shinsou tightly. He starts running his hand over Shinsou's hair comforting him.

"What did you show them? What did you tell them about...her, exactly?") A mess of tears and regrets, thats what Shinsou is. A puddle which he somehow drowned you in out of a bitter rage that had nothing to do with you.

Aizawa finally holding a grasp as to how Shinsou's mind worked, he couldn't help but feel defeated. He neglected his son so much he became bitter and resentful towards the wrong people, the wrong person. (Aizawa only ever told Shinsou that his mother moved away from them because it was "too much for her". Young Shinsou couldn't grasp why his mom would leave him, but again he never really asked questions since he saw how upset it made his dad. "Dont worry Hitoshi, ill be here for you no matter what. Got it, problem child?") An intervention needs to be made now. To prevent even more damage, to keep his son safe and his sons ex-friend safe.

"Hitoshi? The posts and things you put online, you need to delete everything now." Urgency was a must, damage control needed to happen now. Who knows if Shinsou wrote about where he lived, where you lived and studied at, if he showed those "friends" of his your face. Who knows how much information he put out there to a bunch of strangers about you. "Ok, ok. Let me delete everything...yeah...thats-yeah...makes sense." He's slipping, Shinsou is slipping into a pit of shock and disgust, he needs to fix things and that only starts by wiping away years of miss informed opinions disguised as truths.

Everything is gone. No more accounts. No more pictures. No more you. He didn't make any announcements or even address why he was wiping everything. He didn't answer the piles of questions flooding his inbox about why he was doing all of this, he just didn't care anymore. He couldn't find you either. No account on any platform with any signs of you. (He should have asked for your socials, but knowing where you two started off at he thinks its better that you two didn't. It saved you from his incessant torment he saw himself being capable of.)

Week one came and went. You didn't show up for classes and people started to take notice.

"Does anyone know why y/n isn't at school anymore? Is she sick?" Midoriya asked one day. Everyone kind of just looked at each other hoping that someone might have an answer. Be it that no one other then Shinsou was in the same class as you, everyone in his friend group knew about you since you where always nice despite the way you presented clothing wise. (The clothing didn't matter nor did the labels, you were still so welcoming to everyone. Hell, you even welcomed Monoma and that guy is considered psycho by everyone.) Shinsou couldn't do anything but listen to his friends (Midoriya, Shoto, Denki, Mina, Iida, and Ururaka) go on about how nice you were. How they miss you. He misses you . He ruined this, he ruined your school experience and pushed you to lose the friends you had because of his own ignorance. He forced you to choice between showing up to school and dealing with him or not coming in at all and losing the friends you had because of him.

The Sports Festival was coming up soon, here all the students would compete against each other to show off their skills. The Festival acts more as an opportunity for the different Courses to fight each other since its focus centers on the physical strength and wellbeing of the students instead of their study of focus. It also helps with publicity by letting UA show off their students to the general public. (Shinsou didn't understand why the school would have a Sports Festival. UA was better known for being STEM and Art focused which meant that many of the students only had to take 1 year of P.E. instead of the 3 years other schools required.

"So again, what's the purpose of this?"

"Its just a chance for the different Courses to bully each other, and for the General Course to get mocked." responded Togeike. Be it that she never spent time with Shinsou, they both had a mutual attitude and just stayed away from each other out of disinterest. It wasn't after Shinsou's personality changed did she feel more comfortable being around him and started speaking to him casually throughout the day.

"So what does the Business Course do during-"

"Hey, didn't you and y/n work on that project together?" This caught Shinsou of guard. For the past week its all been about you and how you hadn't been coming to class. (You haunt him even outside of school, the guilts too much for him at times.)

"Yeah...what about it." he snarls. Just because he's changed in appearance and largely in attitude, that doesn't mean he's over the way he treats people. Cant she get to the point already-

"Geez man, i just wanted to ask if you needed her number." That...was off. Why would she assume that he needed your number?

"Why would you give me her number? Don't you think that as former project partners i would already have her-"

"You're clearly upset about her not being here, so shut up. Either take it or leave it, jackass." she bit back. How did she know? Shinsou has always had a resting bitch face which made it hard to read his emotions. How did she manage to figure it out? (God he was an asshole!)

"Yeah, please....i'm sorry. I could-"

"Please shut the fuck up, i don't want an apology from you. Take it and fix this shit. I hate seeing people mope and you're pretty much dying in a pit here." Togeike really gives no fucks and she was tired of the purple haired boy looking like a kicked puppy. She assumed it had something to do with you. When you started skipping class, Shinsou also started to look upset and wouldn't speak that often. It wasn't like Shinsou was shy, he just didn't see the need to speak all the time. So to see him become even more silent was concerning.)

He left school that day with a skip to his step. He has your number! He has a way of contacting you! Yet, he still knew that having your number wouldn't fix anything. You left him alone and it wouldn't be fair for him to barge back into your life without proving he's improving, that he's actually deserving of you're friendship at least....

The Sports Festival.....

He can prove himself to you there....

Everyone will see it, every student at UA has to be there for credit....you'll have to be there. You'll also have to participate for the start of it, so you'll have to interact with someone.

(This was it)

This was so much fun to write! Lets give this a slow build up to give him proper character development and redemption. The next part will be the Sports Festival and what he plans on doing to get you back. Let's set up that his intention is too for one, make an impression on the school for when he decides to transfer to the Art Course but also to make an impression on you and get you to notice him in a positive light. Our poor incel is trying his best ok....

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

Hi! So now I'm thinking about this bakugou silent treatment after his rude comment what you mentioned in the last post. Maybe you could write more about it? Thanks, have a great day~

pls bc now that u’ve said it i’m absolutely gonna have thoughts

-so like, let’s be real, if ur bakugou’s s/o then ur his primary form of entertainment. he has friends but he doesn’t like them as much as he likes u, and it’ll be a hassle to get a hold of them, so he’ll always find u first when he wants a bit of social interaction. and pls he’s such a nerd who does nothing but eat, sleep, study, and train, so when he gets bored he is bored,, and he expects u to fix that

-this leads to, like i’ve said before, a lot of,, ummm choice comments coming out of his mouth. just rude shit that he’ll say just to get a reaction,, especially if you’re busy doing something else and don’t have time to pay him as much attention as he’d like

-some of his greatest worst rude comments include:

1.) “Why the fuck are you even looking at that textbook, we both know your dumbass can’t read.”

2.) “You breathe like a laboring dog.”

3.) “Stop doing that. You look like a fuckin’ idiot- more than normal.”

or,, that day’s absolute gem of a comment which was ✨“You’re so fuckin’ clingy, all the time, and I still put up with it; but now that I want something you’re just gonna ignore me? Frigid bitch.”✨

.... i- wow. you hate to see it

-so, ofc, you know he doesn’t mean it, especially with the challenging look and playful tone that goes along with it, but, still, after saying something as egregious as that, you elect to ignore him. completely. entirely. for as long as it takes for Bakugou to realize his words and apologize.

-spoiler alert: he doesn’t.

-an hour passes and he doesn’t even seem to care. which, is rlly a front he’s putting up, pretending to be aloof and unaffected, but he’s not.

-he’s upset. pretty grumpy about how u won’t look at him or speak to him. how you brush him off when he tries to touch your hand,,, just overall not a very happy boy altho when is he ever

-another ten minutes pass n bakugou sorta feels bad about what he said, but not bad enough to apologize. not even slightly. lord knows he has way too much pride for that

-so then he sets off with a new plan,, probably called like *operation revert things back to normal without apologizing bc that’s “wimp shit”*..........🙄🙄🙄

-detailed below is the plan in it’s entirety. and as expected it is not only very poorly designed, but also absolutely out-of-touch and mostly childish

Step 1: Strike A Pose

*so ,, the basis of this first step, is preying on your attraction to him,,, look, bakugou is not an idiot, nor is he afraid to admit how handsome he is. he practically makes it his job to figure out what gets you going

*n even if it makes him feel a little ridiculous/flustered he will absolutely rip his shirt off in front of you if that’s what it takes (just dont look at his face tho bc he’s blushing)

*he’s also prone to grabbing your wrist in his hand, and wrapping his fingers around it entirely. bc the asshole has nice, big, well-manicured hands n he knows u like them

*probably drops himself onto the couch next to you,, just to throw his head back and expose the column of his throat. pls n if he sees u looking over, he’ll blush 10/10 times, but he’ll still side-eye you and swallow intentionally while ur watching him

-alright, so now, if that was me, obvi it’d work. almost immeadiately. but let’s say ur a real hard-ass and somehow completely unmoved by how fine he is (wow, cant imagine what that’s like) . so he moves on to the next phase of the plan which is

Step 2: Make As Much Noise As Possible

*alright so this is where he just devolves into more insulting comments. bc adding fuel to the fire obviously makes it go out. clearly.

*will poke at ur cheeks/hands/legs n say sum “jesus, dumbass, learn to take a joke. didn’t fuckin’ mean it. c’mon, you knew that, you’re being stupid.”

*probably swipes whatever you’re paying attention to instead,, will hold it just out of ur reach and “if you want it then fuckin’ ask. ‘m not giving it to you until you speak to me again.”

* “why are you even upset? you rlly that fuckin’ sensitive?”

-okay so if that still doesn’t work, and it doesn’t, ofc it doesn’t, bakugou is just irritable now. he’s grumpy and crabby and probably misses u (even tho he’d never admit it) and he can’t accept ur silence bc then he’d be “losing” to you,, so onto the next phase which is

Step 3: Smooth Things Over

*finally, finally, he’ll come around to the idea of apologizing. which, for bakugou is rlly just tricking u into thinking he’s apologizing without actually having to say the words so he can feel like he’s “winning”.... 🙄

*this leads to him being uncharacteristically nice. like, making u food without complaining, or maybe making u tea

*n then he’ll just sorta,, press those little gifts into ur hands and look at u expectantly. just stand there in silence and wait for u to smile at him again

-but don’t fold sweetie. don’t fold even if he’s being sort of nice for once. with bakugou you’ve literally got to beat him into submission or he’ll never learn,, and if u still don’t speak to him then he’ll finally, finally, bend to you

Step 4: Suck It the Fuck Up

*firstly, his apologies are never rlly impressive. not really. they’re always mumbled and kinda stuttery, but they’re sincere. he’d only say the words if he actually meant them

*will sound very much like “Fine. Whatever. I’m sorry. Jesus, don’t make me fuckin’ say it again.” tho

*then when u finally look at him, a tiny little smile on your face, he’ll sort of just crowd you bc he missed u. v much a man who huffs in “annoyance” while also refusing to remove his face from ur collarbone or let you out of his arms

-and then all is finally, finally well in bakugou’s world. until he opens his big mouth again. he’ll learn eventually,,, maybe. probably not lmao

—/—

hope u enjoy @doggonudez !! :))))

[urcuteharrington]

hi, I just saw your post asking for some requests. Maybe if you can do a Steve angst but with a little bit of fluff? 💛💛

forgotten?☁️🕊

summary-steve seemed to have forgotten you when nancy came into the picture

word count-1.8k

warnings-fighting and cursing

a/n-i really hope you guys enjoyed this because it took me so long to write but i appreciate you all and i’m so glad to be back 🤍

masterlist

huge thanks to @angsty-plots for giving me ideas for new angst plots<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

steve and i were good friends that was until he started dating nancy wheeler. it use to be steve and i doing everything together hanging out at each others houses, long car rides , going to tommy’s parties , and now he forgot all about me. i knew steve had a crush on ever since the beginning... i saw the way he looked at her when she would walk past him , i saw the sparkle in his eyes when he talked about her or whenever she was around. it use to be steve, tommy, carol, and i hanging out at lunch everyday but i was soon replaced when steve asked nancy to go to his house for a hangout with carol and tommy since his parents were out of town. that night he only invited me out of pity and i saw the subtitle flirting between the two and it made me sick. i walked barb that night to the bathroom after she sliced her thumb trying to open a beer can.” i know steve has gauze and bandages somewhere here ill look just keep your hand under the water” i tell her. that night i saw nancy and steve go into his room and i knew what was going to happen and i couldn’t bare being their for it. I said my goodbye to barb wishing her a safe ride home and went on my way. remembering that night i cried my heart out wondering why steve never expressed interest in me.

That was months ago now it’s around october and it was tommy’s halloween bash. i wasn’t going to go but i decided that it was better than sitting at home doing nothing. i knew i was going to see steve their with nancy but i still went even if it was going to hurt seeing my best friend who forgot i even existed. I go dressed up as (whatever you want) and grab my keys getting ready to head off to the party. pulling up to the house i already see drunk teens walking around with their heels in hand or wobbling around. i walk in and head over to the kitchen and try to grab a drink of spiked punch. while pouring i look over and see them... steve and nancy dancing to the beat of the music. a sudden wave of sadness hit and i decided to take a sip of the punch feeling the alcohol run down my throat.

minutes pass and i decided to stay in the kitchen since i felt like it was my best bet to not run into them while on the dance floor. watching the drunken teens flirting and stumbling their words amused on how quickly the punch could get someone drunk.then i saw her , the girl who stole my best friend from me and the boy i loved. nancy walked into the kitchen and grabbed more cups of the spiked punch , one after another i was able to see her get completely shitfaced in the ,mater of only a few minutes. steve came looking for nancy and they got into a fight and i watched intensely. watching as the punch spilled all over her while sweater my mouth opened a jar shocked at how messy everything was getting. watching her and steve storm over to the bathroom. moments later i move to the living room near the front door and suddenly get shouldered by steve who seemed furious and watching jonathan rush to the bathroom. i decided to stay a little longer since the party was still going strong.

a few days later i noticed that steve and nancy were slowly falling out since he wasn’t visiting her at school anymore and her and jonathan seemed to have gotten closer. they seemed to be done and whatever was said in that bathroom must have been bad. i decided to go to steve’s house and check up on him, even if we weren’t friends anymore i didnt want to see him go through something like a breakup alone. knocking on his front door i waited anxiously wondering if i was making the wrong choice. “ hey how can i- oh hi y/n. i didnt uh expect you to be here?” steve says opening the door confused. “ i know steve but i wanted to talk to you” i say as he walks me to his room to talk.” hey i was actually gonna go out and apologize to nancy so if you can come and help me pick something out for her” my heart sank i haven’t talked to him in months and he already brought her up. not a hey how are you or a i miss you nothing its always about her i think to myself. “ oh i actually came to talk to you about something “ “ shoot” he says.” why did you stop talking to me” silence filled the room 1...2...3 minutes passed waiting for him to say something anything” steve you left me for nancy and i dont get what i did for you to sto talking to me. i understand shes your girlfriend but shit i didnt think you’d completely forget about me” i say standing up from his bed looking at him with sadness in my eyes.” i-i thought you didn’t want to hang out with us anymore y/n i didnt notice at first i i’m so sorry” he says guilt in his voice.” i feel like i lost the only person i truly cared about and and you were my friend and now you don’t even look my way steve how could you not notice me not being their... how did you not notice me not their at your basketball games cheering you on or the long car rides we would have just blasting music or going to tommy’s parties and taking turns getting shit faced. tell me steve is it me was i just not who you wanted to be around anymore was she my replacement because i saw it since the beginning” chocking on my words i hold back my tears. i didnt want to cry but eventually it fell and my vision blurred with tears.” y/n i never ment to make you feel that way and i am so sorry i guess i just got so caught up in nancy and i didnt notice you slowly leave and i i just feel terrible “ steve looked at me finally realizing how much he affected me and how much pain he caused me. “steve if you didnt want to be friends anymore you could have just told me you really hurt me” i say to him not daring to look him in the eyes.”i-i” is all he could say” you know what steve a simple hey i dont think we should be friends anymore its not your fault i just think we should go our own ways would have been nice” i say to him walking past him” you know thanks for being my friend for so many years but i cant be friends with someone who doesn’t give two shits about me anymore” i say as i walk out the door and walk back home since it was only a few houses down.steve not moving just in shock realizing that he was the reason why he lost his best friend.

days past and steve found out that nancy liked jonathan and accepted it telling her its okay and like that they broke up. driving around i felt a wave of sadness hit when the song steve and i would listen to while blasting music. tears spill down my face as i drive home. once i make it home i calm myself down and wash up when i suddenly hear the doorbell go off. walking over i open the door seeing the infamous billy hargrove “ hey their doll face i was wondering if you’ve seen my little sister max i know that you tutor some of her friends so i was wondering if you could help me figure out where the byers house is” he says licking his lips seductively “ yeah i could take you their and help you look for your little sister just let me grab my stuff “ i say looking at him.” after getting to the byers house i stay in the car until i see steve walk out confused at why he is their. everything happened so fast punches were thrown and now i’m driving the kids to this random area in hawkins. steve wakes up and sees me driving confused at how he ended up in this situation. getting to the destination steve and i talk while the kids grab everything. in the car they explained everything that happened in thus far with el , will, the upsidown , and etc. “ we broke up” steve says looking at me “ what why are you okay” even if we weren’t close anymore i didnt want him to feel like he had no one. “ she likes jonathan and the night of the party she called our relationship bullshit and i accepted it since i-“ dustin cuts him off by yelling at him how we didnt have enough time.

getting the kids out of the tunnels one by one steve was just about to help me up when he grabbed onto me tightly in a protective matter when the demo dogs ran toward us. watching as they ran past us he told me” i lost you once and i’m not gonna lose you again”getting out of the tunnels i was able to fully process everything that happened and once el closed the gate and steve and i were finally alone he broke the silence “ i love you y/n i never ment to hurt you and i’m sorry.” speechless i sit their “ steve i know you loved nan-“ he cuts me off “ after our first fight i knew she loved jonathan and i guess i couldn’t believe it till she called our relationship bullshit and i love you so much y/n and it was stupid of me to not tell you earlier” “ i love you too steve but what you did hurt me i mean you completely forgot about me” “ i know y/n but could you give me a second chance i’ll make it up to you... could i take you on a date and patch everything up” i really didn’t want to forgive him but i couldn’t just abandon him because i needed him i loved him and he loved me “ i would love that steve “ i say looking at him with love in my eyes and a smile plastered on my face.

[h3l10tr0p3]

MANGA CH. 284 SPOILERS

OF REDEMPTIONS AND ATONEMENTS:

We all been knew, man. We all knew this was coming.

And godDAMN does it fucking HURT. (oh the sweet sweet angstfest this whole chapter is, just *chef's kiss*)

But i legit cannot put into words how deep the choice to 'Atone' cuts on my bleeding bkdk heart. Let's first take a step back and see how Katsuki went from DvK2 to here- that one keystone moment that has given us this beautiful chapter: And I meant ALLLL the way back to Chap. 252

I have already written a whole-ass post based on this panel, which you can check Here.

TL;DR Katsuki was actually paying real close attention to Endeavour in this part. He came to Endeavour to learn exactly what he was missing as a Hero, but he learnt so much more.

This scene in particular left a momentous impact on Kacchan. Here, Natsuo is resistant to the idea of forgiving his father for all his sins just because he is more involved in their lives now. And Endeavour had been dreaming for a while about a Home where he is not present with the rest of the Todoroki's which ultimately gave him the idea of buying a house for the others to live in apart from him. This is HUGE. This is what actually drove Endeavour's Redemption home- the perfect understanding and the perfect compensation, the two elements of a brilliant Redemption Arc. NOT THE FORGIVENESS, just as Enji says it. It is NEVER ABOUT THE FORGIVENESS.

Endeavour understood that it was his presence that caused his family distress, and although he dearly wanted to be a part of his family again, was even making efforts towards it by being cordial and accepting of Shouto's friends, inviting them to a family dinner, etc. etc. Endeavour realized the only way he can compensate/atone was to give up something that would cause him suffering, and them happiness. The idea that your family doesnt want you, when you just started to show some effort and HOPE that they might see you in different light, maybe forgive you and then to just terminate those ties entirely, punting yourself into a void where NO ONE CAN COME IN AND SAVE YOU FROM YOUR SUFFERING, is exactly what Endeavour did. He is actively shutting down the ONE window through which his family could see that he was suffering, and miserable, and wanted to be a part of the family again. Endeavour CHOSE to not be forgiven. To writhe with the knowledge of his sins day in and day out with only the shrine of Dabi Touya to haunt him every waking minute.

I cannot explain just how much determination it takes to do that, man. It's just- WOW.

Excuse me for ranting on Endeavour in a bkdk post, but I swear this has a point. And All Might says this the best:

This is the fanlation, the official release (which I couldnt get my hands on) also mentions that "When I meant you were like Endeavour, I meant the Change"

This here is an important bit that AM has caught onto.

In the 252 panel, where Endeavour says 'It's not like I want forgiveness' (Because Endeavour understands he cannot be, should not be, forgiven) "I just want to make up for everything I have done" (and to back this up, Endeavour shuts down the one communication link that could have offered him forgiveness, and thus salvation from the weight of his sins and his guilt)

Katsuki understood Endeavour's idea of redemption very well here, although he might not be shown with that light-bulb moment. He may have already known this wayyy before Endeavour said anything, but those words lent a solidity and to the path he must persue to acheive redemption: And it's Not forgiveness.

Let me tell you why I think Atonement is the greater factor here, even greater than Redemption itself. Redemption has an end-point: Forgiveness. But Atonement doesn't. Atonement has no expiry date. Atonement is purely propelled by the understanding of self, and the weight of guilt the self bears, whereas a Redemption is All About The Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an external force, it may or may not be given to you and that is completely up to the person who has been wronged. Atonement is self-imposed, it is a meditation of the soul to forgive itself against the guilt it carries.

If Redemption is a marathon with a banner at the finish line, Atonement is trying to drag a twenty pounds of rocks through the Sahara desert without water, food or a compass- it's endless, hopeless.

And this is why Atonement is greater than Redemption.

And do you think someone as stubborn as Kastuki will ever find himself atoned of his deeds? No. And That, my friends, is The Point. In 252, when Endeavour says, "I dont want forgiveness" it's not just him saying it- it's also Katsuki. "I just want to make it upto you", is also Katsuki.

And to prove it, Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness. A verbal apology will be nice, sure. Especially since dumb-ass, gay-ass, 'Kacchan-sugoi' ass Izuku Doesn't even See it as Atonement. He is just #Blessed that Kacchan and he can talk almost-naturally again. And that is also Katsuki's intention- because the moment Izuku knows, he won't be able to atone this way anymore.

So, as much as I HATE to say this, the chances of a voluntary verbal apology are slim. If allowed to go on like this, Kacchan with continue to shadow Izuku through his life, worrying about him, LOSING SLEEP OVER HIM :

LOOK AT THOSE BAGS UNDER HIS EYES. /*shoves panels in yo face*/LOOK

Can you believe this bitch-ass gremlin who goes to sleep at 8:30 got bags just from stressing over his Deku??????

LOOK AT HIM DOING A HECCIN' MAJOR KOKORO-STOPPING CONCERN.

(He is flipping his shit because he worries, and he worries so much, and has worried for him for a long LONG time.)

- Katsuki will continue on this path of being Izuku's support.

Forever if it takes.

Forever, he hopes, it takes-

Because the only way he will stop is in death, either his own or Deku's.

This is his Atonement: To undo everything he once did, to support Izuku's dream instead of squashing it; To help him get stronger instead of perpetuating the narrative on his weakness; To protect him from all harm, when he once hurt; To be on his side when the whole world is against him, because once he was all, but, for him; To save Izuku as he wins, to win as he saves.

And, To deny each oppurtunity of forgiveness even as he desperately longs to be unburdened of his guilt.

Because Katsuki knows:

He knows Izuku is that one of a million, he is kind and humble and considerate and loving to a fault.

Katsuki knows that Izuku will forgive him in a heartbeat. That is just the kind of selfless, beautiful person he is.

Unlike Endeavour, who had no guarantee to forgiveness, Katsuki does. And that is what makes Katsuki's Atonement more powerful than Endeavour's. He recognizes it is in his grasp, just an arm's length away...

....Just an arm's length.

And Katsuki will deny himself that. Because he does not believe he deserves it. He hasn't atoned enough for it.

"Keep At Arm's Length"

He says. Because this is the critical distance between them. Not "Stay an arm's length away", because Katsuki doesn't wanna run away from Deku, and he doesn't want to be too far away to protect him, nor does he want to get too close to finally recieve the forgiveness that will give him salvation.

This is the fine balancing act Katsuki must maintain indefintely till he believes he has acheived his idea of atonement. (And when has he ever been happy just the bare minimum?)

I know I said Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness, and a voluntary verbal apology is very unlikely, because in it's very nature, it is inviting a forgiveness from Izuku, which we have established, Katsuki wants to avoid. And if this were any other manga, we would have been doomed to this conclusion. But, there is a scenario when Katsuki might issue a verbal apology and that is when Katsuki knows there isn't enough time to be forgiven in turn, or, hasn't atoned enough and can no longer continue to.

Like when Katsuki launches off, to deliver a final kamikaze blow to a villain, and he has only enough time to tell Deku a short "I am sorry", but not enough time to wait for a reply. Or when Deku is dying and at his final moments, when Katsuki knows however much he has atoned isn't enough and isn't how Deku should leave, without closure.

Whatever the future may hold, my dear readers, Katsuki still has a long, long way to go. And I hope to see him live through everything, to be there -

To survive these wars with Deku, To fight alongside him, To protect him. To win. To save.

To Live.

To hear Deku say "I had forgiven you a long time ago";

and ofcourse,

To forgive himself.

[yanderemommabean]

A Yiga attacks you, drawing blood. A mighty roar sounds in the distance, and not even a minute later, a feral Sidon emerges from the water, enraged and ready to kill. With a few well-placed snaps of his powerful jaws, Sidon has ripped the Yiga to shreds. When you get back to the Domain, Sidon is livid with you, berating you for trying to run away.

Tears run down your face uncontrollably as the Zora prince begins screaming at you, angry and ballistic as his stance makes you feel small and pathetic. You honestly weren’t trying to do anything! All of this started because of a misunderstanding and he won’t even take a second to listen to you!

Words are stuck in your throat as he sighs and turns around, too angry to look at you. You’re always starting trouble! Always ignoring his warnings! Why is it so hard for you to listen?!

“Sidon please I wasn’t-“

“I don’t want to hear it!”

“If you would just listen to me-“

“I SAID I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT!” He snaps, eyes turned to slits as he glared at you, mouth formed into a snarl “I don’t want to hear another word from you. You’ve deliberately disobeyed me and nearly gotten yourself killed! Unless the next words from you are an apology you can keep quiet for the rest of the day”.

You clench your fists, his words hurting and making you feel like a child being scolded. “If I knew you would treat me like a fucking child I would’ve let the Yiga kill me. I’m so tired of you acting like I can’t take care of myself. Fine. You want silence? Have it”.

Dramatic theatrics always pissed you off, and Sidon having the gall and audacity to act like he was scolding you out of love was asinine and grating on your nerves. Perhaps you should have been the one shredded by his teeth, at least then he’d actually do you a favor.

Not being allowed to go anywhere, be allowed to do anything, or even be allowed to speak your mind was absolute hell! You’re so fucking tired of it! If he wants to play games and be emotional then you can too.

Childish? Yeah but nothing about this situation was mature or on a level of calm and collected.

Hours go by, and you’re examining the bruises left by the attack as you sit by the waterfall. Another Zora guard is by your side, and he seems to want to say something but only nervously rocks on his feet as you stare down at the waters below.

“...He’s just looking out for you...you know?”.

You make a noise, looking up at the pale green Zora as he clears his throat and looks away. “The prince. He’s not doing it in the best way but...he just really cares about you and your well-being”.

You shake your head, not believing a word the fish said. “He’s got a funny way of showing it. That’s for fuckin’ sure” you bite out, looking up where the prince was pacing back and forth in the throne room. He still seemed livid and feral, but there was a hint of remorse behind those usually kind eyes.

With a sigh, the guard nods his head, toying with the shaft of his spear “The prince has had many hardships that he had no control over. You’re the closest person he’s been able to have in centuries. He doesn’t want to lose someone important again. I know he goes about it in a strange way, but you must know it comes from a good place”.

Sure. A good place. Right.

What’s so good about being treated like an incompetent child? Or being blamed for something you had zero control over? No, Sidon is just being cruel and controlling. Nothing sweet about it.

The Zora could tell you were hard set on brooding and frowing. Understandable given your circumstances. However he felt the need to try and cheer you up, even if just a little.

“Perhaps now that things have calmed down...you two could try to talk again? I’m sure even if you have choice words to say, it’s better than giving him the silent treatment”.

“HE’S THE ONE WHO WANTED ONE!” You spit, splashing the water slightly with the gesture you made with your hands. You huff, seeing the look on the guards face and turning to face the waterfalls again. “He won’t listen anyway. He’s mad at me and I’m tired of him. He only cares about how he feels, not about how I feel”.

“That’s not true, my pearl” a familiar, deep voice replied. You stiffen, turning to face the larger, more colorful Zora. Even now his eyes still held anger, but not for you. No he was angry with himself for letting his emotions take over, allowing instinct to muddle what he was truly trying to say.

He hurt you, and he can’t forgive himself. He swore to protect you and all he has done is smother the light you used to shine.

“...” you say nothing, turning back around and trying your best to stay silent. Crossing your arms over your chest, you shrug your shoulders as the only attempt at communication. Sidon nibbles his lips as he plays with his fingers nervously, debating on how to apologize and approach you.

He too stayed silent, giving a head tilt towards the guard to leave his post. Once the other left, he sat down in the waters beside you, drumming his fingers on the floor as his lips pout in thought. The sky was turning into a beautiful twilight, and the moons light casting upon you only made you look even more stunning. He could see the bruises made on you, and his chest ached knowing you were hurt.

You had defensive signs all over you. Signs that you didn’t go with the Yiga warrior willingly. Marks that proved you were scared and needing his protection and all he offered in return was anger and blame.

“...I’m sorry...” he said softly, eyes lowered “I...I thought you and the yiga...I...well-“

You cut him off, not looking in his direction as you finish what he was struggling to say “You assumed I was teaming with the enemy. I know” you bitterly state, fingers clenching your elbows as your arms were folded over, cradling yourself as a form of comfort. “Shows how much you trust me....”you weakly added, voice cracking.

Guilt was bubbling inside of him. He’s known you for so long yet he let his insecurities taint his image of you. And look where that’s gotten him! Your warmth was dying out because he can’t seem to realize that you aren’t like the others. Sidon knows you aren’t fragile and that you’ll always be by his side, but time and time again he ignores these facts over his emotion.

It goes silent again, the crickets chirping in the distance being the only noise for a while as he watches your face glimmer in the starlight. Amazing and breath taking as ever. His hand reaches over towards you, gently laying ontop of your own, his fingers intertwining with yours.

“I can’t take back what I did. But I can say that it’s eating me alive and that I hate how it even left my mouth. And...I want you to know I do care about you. I know I’m controlling and intense and unreasonable...and the fact you haven’t tried to kill me yet is amazing “ he jokes, smiling when he sees the little bit of amusement etched into your face.

You squeeze his hand and give half a smirk “well...you make up for it when you let me get away with stealing snacks from the store...so I’d say it’s even”.

Both of you share a soft laugh, and you swing your feet over the falls as you clear your throat. “I-I know you’re just worried about me but...Sidon, I’m not some fragile toy. I’m not some bad guy either. I wouldn’t ever do anything dangerous and despicable like join the Yiga...or leave you”.

Sidon lowers his head, pressing it against Yours as he holds your clasped hands to his chest. “I know...I know and I’m such a fool for thinking otherwise. I’ll make this up to you darling, anyway you want! Just say the word and it’s yours!”.

You gently kiss his cheek, and give a soft breath in thought. “Anything?”.

He nods in affirmation “Anything.”

You grunt, standing up to maneuver onto his lap “Well...for now just hold me. I’ll think of something extravagant later. Deal?”.

He laughs, holding you closer and nodding his head “Deal”.

-Mommabean (was this ok???)

[simisaint]

I apologise and I hope you'll forgive me for using your simblr askbox for this but i just read your rants on your writing blog and I had to drop by. You can ignore this ask if it oversteps boundaries. I hope people can see n understand that writing fics is not your source of income and respect the fact that your office job is what gets your bills paid. I dont think they've got any right to say "leave the company" type-thing to you when they dont know the whole story, it's just unecessary advice-

I really hope people, instead of screaming at you to update SY with their pitchforks in the air, wait patiently for the update (WHENEVER u decide to do so) and at least empathise with your situation as working people/corporate slaves themselves. Im sure most of us are the same so I dont understand why some have the nerve to act entitled on the internet? I mean i get it that the story might be something they were looking forward to but god, its not just them who have lives separate of tumblr. (2)

I'm now ranting, I'm sorry but seeing you apologise for not updating SY when you already said you've put the series on hiatus till 19th May didnt sit well with me. I didnt think you needed to apologise when you've said time and time again that your promotion has left you with very little free time on your hands. Doesn't that clearly mean that you wont be able to update your fics as quick and frequent as SN got updated cause you literally don't have free time? Shouldn't people respect that? (3)

And shouldn't they respect the fact that free time doesn't always mean that you're gonna spend it all on writing SY?? Like, fuck i'm so fucking mad rn. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with entitled readers too who think that all your free time should be devoted to writing fics only. You genuinely sound so fucking stressed, frustrated and thoroughly overworked in your posts, Saint and I hope people fucking open their eyes to see it instead of being Seras and seeing only their woes. (4)

I do hope and pray you get your break and rest first cause i know you've got your personal reasons for putting yourself through this whole overworking ordeal and i'm no one to tell you what to do or not. I can just hope for your good mental and physical health and for your boss to not ask you to cover full shifts last minute when you've already worked full time for yours the entire week. Again, before I forget, PLEASE, update SY at YOUR pace. (5)

I've been locked in ever since u posted SN1 so im not leavin til' I get SY15 (OH WAIT, ill have to get off the roller coaster if u ever discontinue it, which is totally fine too! pls dont take that as me pushing u to finish sy T-T im sorry) Take your time with it. You're already risking your health over your job rn and u dont need to do that with writing- something that's your escape. ANYWAY, ive talked bs for way too long and i apologise if this all isn't coherent and for repetitive ask-ings. 6

it’s okkk and thank u, i appreciate u sm :’( i’m sorry you had to see me freaking out earlier. i’m truly just fed up and exhausted with my life outside of this web space. i only apologized for not being able to post frequent updates bc i want readers to understand that i’m not abandoning sy by choice. in fact, i get very veryyy sad that i can’t find the time to write it. i feel bad that i can’t even have proper conversations with my moots here and they prob think i’m ignoring them 😭 i also just came across this post where two of my readers are having an exchange abt how sy has slow updates and it’s making them lose interest and i was kinda hurt but i understand tbh sddjfjsjs but YOU, ILY AND I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY. tysm for dropping by and for understanding my situation (ik i sound dramatic but aaaaaaa)

i’ll open anon on main so u can reach out there too <33