#sorry I've been really fucking angry all day and I refuse to just bottle it up

[jovieinramshackle]

I don't know how many times it has to be said but if you think being gay/trans is a sin in any way shape or form you ARE homo/transphobic

I don't care if it's "only one of the many temptations", I don’t care if you have gay friends, I don't care.

Homosexuality isn't an "attraction sent by the devil", it's a scientific fact that has been proven does not cause any harm. Regardless of what you have been brainwashed into thinking.

I don't care if you've never directly discriminated anyone, your views are harmful and damaging, and it only continues the oppression against people like me.

[midgardianweasley]

hiii i love your fics so much omg! anyway, i have a request that i've been daydreaming about that haha: nat and r get into a really big fight about smth (anything but cheating pls my heart won't be able to take that) and r kind of shuts down, and wanda & carol become super protective of her and follow her everywhere making sure she's ok. (and they're also glaring at nat any chance they get) but then nat comes into r's room one night and apologizes and they make up and snuggle and its soft hours

thank you so much! and of course lovely! here you go<33

Priorities

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha has been missing date nights, leaving Y/N embarrassed for the final time. When confronted, an argument unfolds, but can they come back from it?

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: some swearing, some self-neglect

Message/ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist! <3

“Another drink, miss?” The waiter in a smart, black tux asked you for the second time this evening, a part of you felt that it was out of pity as you sat alone at a table for two, and had been for the last two hours.

You were supposed to be meeting your girlfriend tonight for date night, you got all dressed up, makeup applied and hair styled perfectly, which had taken forever, only to be stood up. You wouldn’t have overly minded if this was a first occurrence, you would’ve brushed it off and rescheduled for another night. Which is what you had done, two missed date nights ago.

This was your third night of sitting alone in a crowded, candlelit restaurant as couples around you glanced over with a sympathetic gaze, which had only made you feel worse. Your girlfriend should be here. ‘Natasha should be here’, you thought. You looked up at the kind waiter, giving him a gentle smile before shaking your head.

“No, thank you. I think I'm calling it a night.” You spoke as you hurried to gather your things and get out of there as soon as possible, trying to hold back tears that you refused to let fall, not in front of all of these strangers. You hated this. You hated feeling so exposed. So vulnerable. You couldn’t help but feel anger bubble inside of you, thoughts of Natasha being the only thing currently plaguing your mind, most along the lines of; ‘What was her excuse this time?’ ‘Who is she with instead?’, but, there was one in particular that you couldn’t help but focus on.

‘She promised.’

You hadn’t realised you were crying until you were in the taxi, catching a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror when the driver had adjusted it slightly to see the cars behind you, in the process, you’d also caught her eyebrows raise in concern and it wasn’t long before she started conversation.

“You okay back there?”

You laughed somewhat bitterly, but it wasn’t towards her. “Nothing I can't handle.”

Your response didn’t seem to settle her worry as she turned quickly and shot you a sad smile before returning her eyes to the road.

“Boy troubles?”

“Girl.” You rubbed your face, trying to rid yourself of any tear stains that may be lingering and messing up your once really pretty makeup. Not that it really mattered at this point.

“Ah, been there.” She held up her left hand, showing you the shimmering diamond on her finger. “The wife and I have had our fair share of arguments and fallouts, some of them included a situation like this one.”

“Crying in the backseat of a taxi?”

“Crying in the backseat of a taxi.” She laughed lightly, making you smile for the first time tonight.

“It had always worked out though, we’ve never been stronger.”

“Congratulations.” You looked towards the woman “I hope I could be so lucky.” You mumbled, though still loud enough for her to hear. You were mad at Natasha, more disappointed really, but you still loved her, dangerously so. She could stand you up for another 50 dates, and you’d still be head over heels. Angry, but your love would never falter.

“I’m sure you will be. If there’s one thing I've learned over the years, it’s that things have a way of falling into place eventually.”

Pondering her words, you looked out of the car window and noticed that you were pulling up to Stark Tower. It wasn’t long before the car came to a complete stop, the woman turning round to you and beginning to speak again.

“You’ll be okay. It’s obvious you love her, okay? Speak to her. I’m sure it’ll be alright.” She looked at you with nothing but kindness in her eyes, which you did your best to return with a smile. You reached into your purse, handing her the money owed, plus a tip.

“Thank you for the help.”

“Don’t worry about it, go get her.” She winked as you got out of the car and watched her drive away, quickly taking yourself inside to avoid freezing to death as the cold wind blew harshly. Kicking your heels off, you set off with one task at hand. Talk to Nat.

__________________________

“Hey, have any of you guys seen Nat?” You addressed some members of the team who were hanging out in the Kitchen, fixing themselves a snack or just conversing with one another. The second they looked up and took in their appearance, you could’ve sworn their faces paled and saddened slightly as if they knew what had happened.

“I think I saw her head off to train a while ago, but I'm not sure if she’s still there.” Carol replied, her face morphing into one of seriousness. She knew about the missed dates, having found you one night looking completely defeated in one of your nicest dresses and heels. She, alongside Wanda, who had found you both later that night, had spent their night comforting you and reassuring you that she probably hadn’t meant it. They didn’t know what to do, they’d never seen you look so sad before, no matter how much you told them it was okay, the pang in their chest for their best friend hadn’t ceased.

You nodded, quietly thanking Carol and wandered off in search for your girlfriend.

It didn’t take long, she was still training when you’d walked into the gym, sweat practically pouring off of her. Your heart softened briefly when you saw her, her fiery red hair tied back into a ponytail with loose strands all over the place, wearing a black t-shirt, grey sweatpants and a deadpan face as she attacked the dusty punching bag with such force that you’re surprised it hasn’t flown off of the chains yet.

She hadn’t noticed you had walked in, still giving all of her focus to her punches. Maybe she just hadn’t heard you?

“Hi Nat.”

Nothing.

“Nat”

All you could hear was the furious rattling of chains, still not getting a response from the redhead. With a sigh, you decided to try another approach. You stepped closer to her, still keeping a little distance, and leaned forward to tap her shoulder, instantly grabbing her attention. She flung herself around, arm still in midair, her closed fist almost coming into contact with your face.

You don’t know what you expected when she turned around and finally acknowledged your presence, but you definitely didn’t expect to be met with a scowl.

“Seriously? in the middle of training? I could’ve hit you.” She huffed as she turned back to her previous position.

“Sorry. I just wanted to come in and talk to you.”

“About?”

You paused, expecting her to look at you again, but she didn’t.

With a small sigh, you continued. “you missed date night again. I waited for you, but you were a no show.”

“Right, yeah, date night” she muttered, seeming to be unfocused as her eyebrows furrowed and her head kept darting around the room, looking anywhere but at you. “I’ll make the next one.”

“This is the third one you’ve missed this month.” You said firmly, wanting her to understand that this can’t keep happening, of course cancellations or rearrangements were bound to happen sometimes, but she’s just not showing up and then leaving you in the dark as to knowing why.

“I told you, i’ll make the next one.” She walked over to the bench, picking up her water bottle and taking a swig of water, looking directly at you, you look back at her and she just looks so, unbothered.

“I don’t believe you, Nat. You say you’ll make it up to me and then I sit there again, hoping that you’ll be there this time, but you don’t turn up. And now I come back and you’re just training. Could it not have waited? Was that seriously more important?” You raised your voice now, all the anger and frustration you’d felt earlier coming back up to the surface.

You just wanted an explanation, or something to justify how she was acting, but she gave you nothing, not even an attempt, only adding fuel to the fire.

“Why are you getting so annoyed? You should know better than anyone that this is my job.”

“I just explained that to you! Which is more than what you’re giving me right now.”

“Okay, fine, forgive me for not making everything about you for a minute.” She spat bitterly towards you, her temper starting to go as the discussion became more heated.

“Seriously? That’s how you’re seeing this?” If you weren’t so unbelievably irritated, you would’ve laughed at her response.

“You’re being selfish. So I missed a date or two, you’re blowing this out of proportion once again, it’s infuriating.” Selfish?

You raised both your hands, as if in surrender. It was one thing to ditch you, it was another thing to then insult you for speaking up about it. With a tight lipped smile, oozing with sarcasm, you decided that you’d had enough.

“I don’t need to listen to this.”

She shrugged her shoulders, adjusting the gloves she’d just put on. “Then don’t, i’m busy anyways.”. This time, you did laugh.

“What a fucking surprise.”. And with that, you turned on your heels and walked out, hearing the echo of punches fill the room once again, every one feeling like a punch to the stomach.

Maybe these are things falling into place, just not the place you’d hoped.

________________________

You were still in bed at noon the next day, unable to bring yourself to get up and face the world. You didn’t need to worry about anything in the confinement of your bed, even more so considering it wasn’t the bed you shared with Natasha.

After speaking, well, arguing with her last night, you went straight to your shared bedroom, gathered some clothes and your essentials, and slept in your old room that you used to stay in before the two of you started dating. It felt wrong. You always spent your nights with a warm feeling of love washing over you as your girlfriend pressed kisses all over your face, tangling your limbs together in the process.

It wasn’t the same. You felt cold, a type of cold that no heating or blankets could solve. You lacked a weight on your waist, fingertips stroking the skin that was exposed due to your top riding up slightly. Instead, the only comfort you had was the small bear you’ve kept for the las year. It was one that Natasha had given you after she won it at the funfair on your third date, and you could never bring yourself to part with it, remembering how happy she looked when she handed it to you, and the butterflies you felt just from seeing her look so pleased.

The bear was a little worn and torn now, it had been ripped in a couple of places, now replaced with a little sewn on patch of material that didn’t exactly match the shade of brown, and one of the eyes had started to fall off, but you liked that it was different. The assassin had tried to offer to replace it and buy you a new one, but you’d always refuse, insistent that you would keep that bear with you for the rest of time. Even now, when the two of you weren’t speaking, you still held onto it with a death-tight grip.

A knock on the door snapped you out of your daydream.

“Y/N, open up, It’s me.” A familiar voice shouted through. Carol.

“And me!” Wanda.

You heard some muttering outside of the door, something along the lines of Carol suggesting they break the door down, immediately being told that it was unnecessary by the Sokovian. Feeling pretty against the idea of having a doorway with no door, you called out for them.

“Guys, it’s unlocked.” You were quiet, but it was clear that they had heard you as the faint talking stopped altogether and you heard them walk in and shut the door behind them with a ‘click’.

Wanda was the first to approach you, kneeling down beside the bed so that she was at eye level with you, pulling the bed covers down a little to uncover more than your forehead. Once she could see your eyes and nose, she sent you a warm smile.

“Hi sleepy. It’s noon.”

“I know.” She frowned when she heard you speak, your voice raspy from your crying through the night. She hated seeing you like this, she loved both you and Natasha, and it hurt to see you so sad because of the woman you adored.

“We should go and eat something, it’ll help.”

“‘M not hungry.” You pressed your head further into the pillow, the last thing you wanted to do was eat, your stomach already feeling like it was twisting with every minute that passed.

“C’mon, i’ll make you your favourite.” the blonde winked, leaning against your wardrobe.

“Your special pancakes?”

“With extra whipped cream.” She sang, playfully trying to encourage you to leave the bed. You had to hand it to her, she knew you too well.

WIth a brief look between the two, you rubbed your eyes and threw the covers off dramatically, sighing and ensuring that they knew you didn’t approve of this. They knew you were joking, even if you weren’t, all they cared about was making sure you were okay, knowing that when you felt like this, being left alone allows you to neglect yourself and get really low. They don’t mind if you dislike them for a little while, as long as you are looked after.

“There we go! Well done.” Wanda stroked your back and led you towards the door where Carol held it open for you.

“No breaking it down behind my back.” You shot towards her, slightly amused at the guilty look on her face as she realised you’d heard her quarrel beforehand. Shaking her head, she nudged you out of the door, and the three of you made your way into the kitchen.

_______________________

Carol had stuck to her promise of preparing a sweet treat for you, a stack of fluffy pancakes sat in front of you, topped with whipped cream and two cherries on top. You ate slow, still a little cautious of how stable your stomach felt. You could see your two friends talk with one another, not wanting to stare and make you uncomfortable, but occasionally looking over silently to check in on you.

You were feeling pretty content as you sat at the counter, munching away with the two avengers for company. It was only when you heard a voice that you could recognise anywhere.

“Hi guys.”

Not daring to look up, you ket your eyes focused on the food in front of you, hoping that if you just stay quiet, you’ll be invisible to the human eye.

“Hey Nat.”

“Hi.”

Wanda and Carol replied, wary of any interaction between the pair of you that could unfold into something neither of you wanted or that would lead to any regrets.

You lifted your head slightly, able to see the daggers Carol was throwing at Nat, not impressed with her being in the room. You both had always been quite close, often talking about life before becoming superheroes that protect the planet, in her case, planets. In the process, she’d found herself having a soft spot for you, wanting to protect you from anything that could bring you harm. Which you were grateful for, but her glaring was terrifying sometimes, you were more grateful for the fact that her powers weren’t in her eyes, otherwise you would’ve definitely become single five minutes ago.

You could see Natasha out of the corner of your eye, she was filling up the bottle she used for when she was training, her eyes weren’t on what she was doing, instead, she was trying to subtly look up at you through the hood of her eyes. You subconsciously took the opportunity to really take in her appearance.

Her hair hadn’t been tended to since you last saw her, half of it was hanging out of her ponytail, most of it falling in front of her face. Her eyes looked glassy and bloodshot, like she had been crying recently and you could’ve sworn that was your t-shirt she was wearing. The sight sent a wave of sadness over you, wanting nothing more than to leap over the counter and pull her into your arms and tell her things were fine, that the two of you were fine. But you stayed seated, too nervous to make a move.

You didn’t know it, but she regretted speaking to you last night, instantly realising what she’d done after she came back to her room to find it empty and half of your stuff gone. She knew immediately where you’d gone and would’ve gone through to talk it through with you, but she didn’t think it would help. She wanted you to have your time and space before approaching the situation.

With that, she tightened the lid on her bottle, sent you an apologetic smile and walked out of the room, leaving behind an awkward atmosphere in her absence.

“You alright?” Wanda asked

“Yeah, yeah no I'm okay. I’m feeling a little tired though, I'll catch you guys in a bit, okay?” You stood from your seat, not giving either of the two a chance to stop you as you walked out and back to bed. What a day.

_______________________

Hours had gone by now and you were back wrapped up under your bed covers, still clinging onto your bear. You hadn’t bothered to change, you went straight to bed after walking in the door. You’d managed to get some sleep earlier, not a lot, but it was something.

You tossed and turned, trying to find any way of being comfortable so your body could rest and your mind could shut off, but it was deemed to be impossible. All you could think about was your argument with Nat, and how she looked so upset earlier. The thought alone triggered the waterworks again, this time, you didn’t even attempt to stop them.

Only a couple of minutes had passed before there was yet again, another knock on your door. You rolled your eyes, really not wanting any more visitors, you were grateful for the help, but you really wanted to be alone.

“Guys, I’m fine! It’s late, get some sleep.” You called out, waiting to hear retreating footsteps, but they never came. Huh. That’s weird? You brushed it off quickly, assuming that it must’ve just been too quiet to hear, which you wouldn’t put past you due to all the sniffling you’ve been doing in an attempt to silence your crying.

You were wrong. The person at your door hadn’t walked away. They also weren’t Wanda or Carol. Instead, it was who you least expected to be in your room at god knows what time at night after the events that had unfolded recently.

“Hi.” The redhead whispered, worrying that if she spoke any louder, you’d be able to hear her voice shake with nerves, or the huge lump in her throat that wouldn’t budge.

You froze on the spot when you realised who it was, not entirely sure how you were gonna play this. Realistically, you might as well just see what it is she wants, it couldn’t hurt, could it?

“Hey.”

Her footsteps were practically silent but still felt deafening as she stepped closer to you, cringing slightly at how tense and forced all of this felt. It was her fault, she knew that, she hoped you did too. She didn’t want you blaming yourself for her actions, although she couldn’t say anything if you did, she was the one who had insulted you and planted the thought in your head, and she felt every fibre in her body beg for you to forgive her.

Approaching with caution, she walked up to the top of the bed, kneeling where Wanda had been earlier, but unlike Wanda, she didn’t reach out for you. She didn’t feel she had the right. Not now. She quickly took note of your eyes and how they were drooping and red, just like how hers had been earlier, which is how she could know in an instant that you had just been crying. She felt like a knife had gone through her chest at the sight, knowing that she had done that to you. She’d let you down so much that it had brought you to laying in bed alone and crying.

You mumbled something incoherent, completely muffled by the covers that were blocking your mouth.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you through the cover, could you tell me that again?”

You looked down a little, debating on doing it or just asking her to leave this conversation for another day. ‘But, she was already here, so you may as well get on with it.’ you thought, and with that, you tugged the covers down a little, letting Natasha see your full face now, unable to stop a tiny hint of a smile creeping up on her face. Your nose was runny, your eyes were puffy, and your face was flushed, but that didn’t change the fact that she still believed you to be the most beautiful woman she’d seen.

“Has something h-happened?” You hiccuped, noticing the frown take over her features as she maintained her eye contact with you.

“Yeah. i was a complete idiot.”

“Nat-”

“No, no, please. I want to explain. I need to explain. Please?” She pleaded, not caring how desperate she might’ve looked.

You paused for a minute before sighing gently, nodding at her and giving her a non-verbal go ahead to continue. She took a deep breath, looking away for a second then looking back at you before you could even blink. You could see her hands tremble a little, and while you were upset with her, you couldn’t leave it alone. You reached your hand out from under the cover and held it out to her, offering it for her to hold. She grabbed it without hesitation, squeezing it gently as a single tear fell, gathering the courage to say her next words.

“I have no excuse for what I did. There is nothing I could say that would make my actions plausible or acceptable, I shouldn’t have treated you like that or said what I did, and I understand if you can’t forgive me, or don’t want to. But I needed-, no, I need you to know, I'm sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N. You deserve better.”

More tears had fallen down her face at this point, her thumb not ceasing in their circular movements on the back of your hand. She didn’t know if this was going to be the last time she felt your hand in hers, so with every circle, she was savouring the moment, no matter how badly she wished it was under different circumstances.

You shuffled a little so you were in a more upright position, hoping that it would make speaking easier. You’d taken in every word, and while you were hurt, extremely hurt, you saw how remorseful she was. Her face showed no sign of humour or like she was lying. You could always tell when she was lying, her eyebrow always twitched a little, which you would always be in stitches about when she tried to say she didn’t eat your last cookie and her eyebrows would be moving like mad. They were as still as stone when she was speaking this time.

“You really hurt me, Nat. I didn’t think I was asking for much, just some time with you, that was all. And you left me every time, for work and with no notice. It was embarrassing.” She nodded in acknowledgement as she listened. “A-and then to come back and witness you being so, so, hostile, with me, I didn’t understand what I'd done.”

She gulped audibly before speaking again. “You hadn’t done a thing. Not a thing. I-I threw myself into work, into training. The last mission, I was sloppy, I wasn’t on my A game, it almost ended up with other people seriously hurt. So I thought-” She took a shaky breath in. “I thought, if I trained harder, It would mean I would be better for the next mission. But I disregarded everything else on the radar, including you, and then I got so mad at myself for it that I ended up taking it out on you instead. You don’t have a selfish bone in your body, and it was out of order for me to ever say so. It was wrong, and I don’t think I can apologise enough.`` She gave you an apologetic smile, tears streaming down her face steadily now.

“You know, when I came home from the restaurant, I had this driver.” You smiled. “Nice woman, she’s got a wife. She was telling me that it wasn’t easy for them. They had their ups and downs, their fights and bitterness. But they always found their way back to each other.” You whispered so softly that if there was any other noise in the room, Natasha wouldn’t have heard a word.

“And, when we argued, I really didn’t think we were going to be able to come back from that. I thought that maybe our time had expired.” You sniffled, your own tears trailing their way down your cheeks. Without thinking, she wiped them away, her palm pressing onto your warm cheek as you nuzzled into it, still finding comfort in her touch.

“I don’t want us to expire, Nat.”

There it was. There was the sentence that turned silent tears into fully body wracking sobs, your hands instinctively going to pull away and cover your face, instead, Natasha brought herself up to sit on the side of your bed, hastily bringing you into her chest and her free hand combing its way through your hair.

She rocked you back and forth, letting you get everything out of your system, no matter how much it hurt to hear.

“Shh, I’ve got you. I’m so sorry, moya lyubov.”

Your sobs soon died down with Nat’s help, sobs turning into faint pants with how tired you were and how much energy it had taken out of you. You looked up at her softly, as she smiled down at you.

“I love you, Natty.” You murmured, the words making the assassin’s heart grow fonder for you, if that was ever possible.

“I love you more.”

“Can you stay with me tonight? I can’t sleep without you.”

“Of course. Anything for you.” She leaned over you, bringing the blankets back up and over you, catching a glimpse of some brown fur among the darkness. She knew exactly what it was. She picked up up with the blankets and handed it to you, happiness overtaking her as she saw your eyes light up at the teddy she won for you.

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you, Detka.” She pressed a kiss to your temple before settling down, holding you tight in her grasp, refusing to let you go for anything or anyone, not that you were complaining, you’d missed this.

Nothing had to be decided tonight, there was no rush for discussion. Sure, there were still things to talk through and work out, but that can wait. All that mattered right now, was that Natasha was there. She was holding you in her arms and you felt every ounce of love and apology she could give you. And that was enough for now.

taglist: @natashas-favourite-knives @wandaromanova @wvnda-maximoff

[its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons]

"Are you just using me for my body?" feat. Asmodeus

pairing: Asmodeus x Female!Reader

warnings: mentions of smut, distrust, mentions of cheating

A/N: this got REALLy emotional...

Being the Avatar of Lust and all, Asmodeus couldn't help but have desires outside his absolute adoration of you and you alone; other than himself that is.

He was so sweet all the time, never once forced you to do anything with him, and waited patiently until you knew you were ready.

You loved Asmodeus with your whole heart and had confidence that he wouldn't cheat on you.

Asmodeus was many things, but a liar was not one of them.

Until now, it had been especially hard to keep a steady relationship with his desires rampant and constantly filling up his mind. Ever since he started to get to know you and realize his feelings for you, he stopped sleeping around as much until it came to a complete halt.

He really wanted to be with you, he realized, and he'd give up anything if only it meant he could spend every minute you were here with him.

Here you were, completely in tune and comfortable with each other, but come comments from demons at school today had flooded you with doubt.

You hated yourself for mistrusting your best friend and boyfriend, especially after working so hard to get where you are.

That thought alone makes you burst into tears.

Asmo, who was snuggling happily against your chest, had noticed something off about you and decided against asking if you wanted to fuck. He simply pulled you into bed with him, shared a kiss with you, and planted his face on your pillowy chest, hands caressing your sides oh so gently.

You were so pretty...

What was he going to do with you?

He should see what was the matter.

Maybe it was a test coming up, or an unfinished homework assignment, possibly a teacher being rude to you again, but worrying causes wrinkles! With or without them you would continue to be divine, but still!

At that moment, he heard a choked sob slip past your lips.

Worried, he regrettably peeled himself off of you and saw that you were hiccupping into your hand, trying to stop yourself from crying and making a mess of yourself and Asmo's bed.

"Oh, sweetie..." Asmo murmured, pulling you into his lap, "You can go ahead and cry, don't hold it in like this!"

With his permission, you start crying like a baby into his shoulder.

He held your head, pressing kisses to your temple and rocking you gently from side to side.

"Oh, baby..." He whispers, patting your back, "You have to tell me when you're feeling bad... Don't bottle everything up."

You sob an 'I'm sorry', but Asmodeus wouldn't hear it.

"Don't you dare apologize for crying. I'm right here for you, always. Okay?"

That only made you cry harder.

'Worried' could describe Asmo when he first gathered you into his arms. 'Panicking' is how the demon was feeling when you refused to stop sobbing into his shoulder.

Something was seriously wrong and he needed to get to the bottom of it before it became difficult for you to breathe and you got even more panicked.

"Baby, hey, look at me sweetheart," He murmurs, lifting your head up to face him, "You've gotta stop crying, okay? Can you try and calm down for me? I know you can do it, just take deep breaths for me, kay?"

You wiped your eyes on your sleeves way too harshly for his liking, and he grasped your wrists and put them in your lap.

"Inhale with me, come on sweets, you can do it."

You try to inhale, but your lips trembles and you can't help but let out another sob or two, covering your face in your hand, muttering apologies and trembling.

Asmodeus tried again, pulling your hands down and holding his face in his hands, showing you how to take deep breaths and holding your gaze and refusing to let it go.

"Yes, good job!" He smiled rubbing your lower back when you began mimicking his example, "I knew you could do it, hey, don't stop yet honey, you're really wound up..."

You pull your eyes away from his with great effort as it was unbearable to stare into those earnest sunset eyes any longer.

You were repulsed at the thoughts clouding your mind.

How could you call yourself a good girlfriend? You were terrible really, doubting the man you called your boyfriend and lover the moment the shadow of jealousy turned into a rumor.

You apologized again, gripping his hand tightly.

"What did I say?" He says gently, patting your thigh, "No apologies for showing emotion. Got it?"

You nod mutely.

"Asmo?"

"Yes baby?"

"Are you... Are you just using me for my body?"

You felt him stiffen.

Tears flooded your eyes again, dripping into your lap before you could stop them.

Asmo opened his mouth, then shut it again.

Of... Of course, he wasn't... He didn't need anyone else, only you.

Why didn't you trust him?

All these months of bonding behind closed doors, Asmodeus fighting his sin so vehemently he forgot who 'Asmodeus' really was, and hours upon hours of just thinking about how beautiful you were and that you deserved better than him. He had just begun to believe that maybe, just maybe he was worthy of your limitless affection, but it was not so.

You... You never trusted him in the first place, did you?

"A-Asmo I know what you're thinking and I'm sorry-"

"No apologies." He whispered airily, eyes locked on a singular rose, one of many that had wound their way up the bedpost.

The response was empty of emotion, as was Asmodeus's face.

"Oh Asmo, you've always been so good to me. I know you'd never cheat on me after going through so much pain-"

"Who said it?"

"Wha-"

"WHO SAID IT?" Asmodeus had flashed into his demon form, angry tears spilling from his eyes as he stood in front of you, exuding rage, hatred, and most of all, despair.

Out of everything he was feeling at the moment, none of those potent emotions were aimed at you.

"YOU'RE TOO PERFECT TO COME UP WITH THAT IDEA ON YOUR OWN." He screeched, "YOU KNOW I'D NEVER BETRAY ANYONE I LOVE, WHAT DEMON IS SPREADING BULLSHIT ABOUT ME AND COSTING ME YOUR TRUST?"

You were terrified, staring up at the enraged demon, tears soaking your cheeks once again, "Asmo, please! Calm down! You're above them!"

Mascara tears lined his cheeks, and he was just about to shout something else at you, but the door to his room was suddenly blown off its hinges, giving way to six more demons with their horns out, Lucifer in the lead.

He looked absolutely livid, especially after seeing the state you were in.

Asmodeus had the nerve to shout at you? Under any circumstance?

Not in the least.

"Stop this at once, Asmodeus!" He growled, standing his ground in front of you, "Any reason you have to be angry at MC can be taken up to me! Control yourself!"

"Lucifer stop!" You plead, "Don't yell at him like that-"

"Quiet, MC." He hissed, "You need to get out of here. He's too high-strung at the moment. He needs to be alone."

The larger demon grabbed you by the arm and started pulling you out of the room, but you fought against him, punching and crying and yelling at him to let go.

Mammon tried to step in and explain that Lucifer was "jus' tryna keep ya safe!" but you weren't having it and slugged him in the nose.

He screeched as blood started pouring out of his face, Lucifer loosened his grip when he heard his brother in pain he hadn't caused and you managed to tug your limb away from him and rush to your boyfriend who had collapsed onto the floor, face in his hands and sobbing.

His wings and horns were gone, but you wouldn't have cared either way as you tackled him in a hug and refused to let go.

Asmodeus latched onto you as well, and the brothers knew there was nothing they could do about it.

Lucifer pulled Mammon away to fix his bloody and possibly broken nose, and the others stood at the ready outside the door in case something else went wrong.

For a long time, you and the Avatar of Lust simply lay in each other's arms and cried.

It felt good to comfort and be comforted.

After a few hours, both of you were dried up, holding hands and staring sadly at the ceiling.

Asmodeus spoke first.

"Do you... Do you really think I've been using you for your beautiful body all this time? I'm not accusing you of anything, I need to know."

His voice was hoarse and quiet; tentative almost.

"I never thought that, Asmodeus. I the human world, there were some bad guys I was with and I guess I was prepared to accept it if you were. You've changed vastly since I first met you and you're nothing like those swine up there." You whispered, squeezing his hand before turning to look at him, "It was a stressful week and then, on top of that, I heard some demons talking about you so I stopped to listen. They were saying such terrible things about you; how you cheat on me every chance you got, you're just using me as an exotic fleshlight, and shit like that. We... We haven't had sex in a while so I just wondered if you'd gotten tired of me. Then, when we were cuddling, I just couldn't push those thoughts out of my head and I couldn't stop myself from crying..."

Asmodeus nursed at his lower lip, scooting closer to you, suddenly cold.

"I could never grow tired of you, MC. You have and continue to inspire me to be better for you and myself. I actually..." He giggled sweetly, resting his forehead against your own, "I was gonna ask if you wanted to bang when you first came into my room. Sex really is the answer to everything, isn't it?"

You smile and shake your head, "Not now though, you need some dinner and some rest."

He pouts cutely, ticking your sides, but he knows you're right.

You snatch his hands away from you and kiss his knuckles, "I never meant to make you think of yourself any less, because you really are perfect, Asmo. No one has ever tried to make me happy like you do and willingly spent all of this time with me. You make me feel so loved... I don't know how to thank you. I just want you to know that I love you."

He's literally glowing at your words, wrapping you tightly in his arms and whispering, "I love you too MC. More than I could possibly say."

--

July 7th: TWO. MORE. DAYS!!! (for us VIP members)

could you imagine being loved that much?? holy FUCK. is my giant single pringle ass showing? is it too obvious I'm lonely?

the shit I write... it surprises ME sometimes

Countdown Masterlist

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[reynie-muldoons]

"A Commitment to All Things Cozy" liveblog!

FINALLY!! I've been super busy, but I can finally sit down and just enjoy myself. I'm watching both episodes- episode 6 tonight, and episode 7 either tonight or in the morning.

As always, spoilers below the cut!

0:32 the fact that they highlighted the "treat them without mercy" line in the recap makes me Nervous

0:58 oh shit, they didnt even play the intro. Things are getting serious

1:08 .....Martina?

1:27 RHONDAAAAA

1:32 and Martina :) team up of the century

1:47 "classic." God I missed Kate and Martina's dynamic

2:10 "to bring Curtain down" we love a vindictive woman

2:27 "Are you okay with this, Constance?" GOD I LOVE HER SO MUCH. she took the time to pause and get consent from the affected party. QUEEN BEHAVIOR.

2:31 "no one can punish her more than she punishes herself." Mic drop baby girl

2:33 "that's true 😥" HAHAHAHA

2:39 Italy? Somehow I did not expect that

2:52 "um... we are independent contractors....no skin in the game." "Not at all." "open to a buy out." okay this is fucking golden

3:03 LMAO HEY the gang's all together

3:17 MILLIGAN USED A TRANQ GUN SHDJDJDHJD. Even if it's just a blow dart one it COUNTS

3:21 "Hello." what an entrance

3:27 fambly 🥺

3:56 MILLIGAN WHY DO YOU RUN LIKE THAT. Boy's high-kneeing

4:15 oh my gosh you could SEE her make the choice to sacrifice herself. Tears. TEARS.

4:33 shit. SHIT. MILLIGAN.

4:52 WHERE ARE STICKY AND CONSTANCE

4:55 oh now the opening plays? After that shitshow???

6:02 this is fucking strange

6:28 twi-night by stephanie meyers, coming soon to a theater near you

7:10 while I agree that there are people in the world who refuse to be happy, people who dont want to their brain chemistry to be chemically altered with some kind of high-risk strain of hypnosis dont fall into that category

7:19 Nicholas I swear to god if you dont appreciate number two the way she deserves

8:30 I love the artistic prowess, the peels are adorable 😂

8:46 WE'RE DOING THIS??? WE'RE FOLLOWING THE DUSKWORT PLOTLINE?????

8:59 the comment about the clothes being too tight was, uh. Not necessary. Dont love that

9:46 "Good. Are you prepared to do it?" That is the question, and I'm really not sure what the answer is. I dont think Mr B knows the answer either

10:09 damn, they're really getting into it 😂

10:20 "Ha." MILLIGAN

11:09 "I'm sorry. I'm not helping." "Dont apologize, if you're feeling something, it's okay, say it!" First of all, queen behavior from Rhonda once again. Second, PLEASE. Reynie has been bottling up his feelings since day fucking one, let the boy vent

11:37 "and angry." "At what?" "Myself." Hoooo boy we're getting into it

11:51 "more. Louder." YES LET HIM YELL IT OUT

12:09 glad he's getting this out but why rip off the vest 😂😂😂 what did the vest do to you

12:10 DAMN LMAO scream it out!!!

12:26 "how did that feel?" "Good. Strange, but good." Yeah it's strange because you bottle everything up

12:51 how did they manage to hitchhike on a chicken truck. How did they get here 😂

13:36 I thought people outside the compound didnt receive the technique thing, but this guy seems pretty frozen

14:21 that inn seems like it's right in front of them, why did they just notice it now lol

14:30 that front entry looks adorable.

14:38 weird vibes from these two

15:04 "a commitment to all things cozy." Cheers to that, and roll credits!

15:38 awww, I love the mug cozies :) I tried to make those one time, but you have to be very careful because if you make them wrong bc it will literally never come off of the mug and you'll never be able to get it entirely clean or dry because of the yarn LOL

16:28 how much are they about to charge these kids for room and board, because I hate to break it to you but they're flat fucking broke

16:45 dumbass didnt realize that a pushpin would keep the globe from turning. Definition of book smart versus street smart

16:59 I was thinking about this earlier, Curtain has had no interaction with Miss Perumal, there's no reason he would recognize the name or know her significance

17:23 I like how he was so sure that Miss Permual's story was a cover when it's just. True.

17:49 oh here we go, they're gonna tell him

18:11 two things:

1. Shoot your shot, you're probably doing better than Marlin anyway lol

2. I love how hard they're trying to break the news gently, but it's not going to work with the monstrous temper on that guy 🥴

18:37 is he calling the victims weak-minded? Like what's the founding in that? Also, that still makes it a side effect of the happiness cult

18:42 "and ethically, their medical condition cannot be shared with the others" he said hipaa laws, bitch

18:59 daaaamn.

19:05 "I dont trust this doctor. Find another one." Maybe that's why he hired Marlin, they're two sides of the same coin. He said the same thing

19:28 "is this the silence of consensus?" "I dont need protecting." Okay two things:

1. Kate's fierce independence is rearing its head, girl basically raised herself and now she has to get used to letting people have her back. I had to do the same thing growing up. Love to see it.

2. I'm sorry but Milligan's sass is the funniest fucking thing to me, you go boy

19:40 "I am careful." "You fell off a cliff. carefully?" book!Milligan cant really say anything about that one, but show!Milligan can 😂

19:51 "I was alone for a really long time. I had to learn to take care of myself." THERE IT IS.

19:56 "and then you just...showed up!"

20:17 "ARE WE PREPARED TO WIN??" Martina I love the energy you're bringing, but please read the room 😂😂😂

20:20 LMAO YOU GO GIRL

21:00 oh baby I know you're young but I KNOW you did not just do that

21:28 I dont think roasting your hosts is going to get you very far

21:42 yeahhhh I'm with Sticky

21:50 okay so every arc is coming to a peak right now, damn

22:10 tell me this isn't about to be another tv special

22:12 ughhhh

22:38 I dont like this

22:49 creepy. I guess that's how people outside the compound get recruited

23:12 "could I have predicted that Elena would start instead of me? No one could. Because it makes no sense." I love the shade 😂 she's so passionate

23:27 "but no matter what goes down, I'm glad we got to hang out again."

23:34 Madge's honor, that's adorable

23:57 "but standing by if you need me...while also giving you space" I love him so much hahahahah

23:59 THEIR FACES HAHAHAHA

24:03 YES MARTINA GET THROUGH TO HER

24:18 Martina's parents not putting in effort to get to know her explains why she tried so damn hard in school- to get their attention

24:22 "Your dad's trying."

24:56 god he's about to see her and not have any clue wtf is happening

25:22 that poor man

25:57 it's so alien hearing her say such high praise 😂

27:07 I'm so glad they were able to blow up at each other, and now they can actually talk through it. That's so important.

27:33 RHONDAAAAA

27:13 "I'm confused too. But I love you just the way you are." My daddy issues are QUAKINGGG.

27:50 god Reynie doesnt even know and Milligan's trying to break it easy

28:14 "wait, did you just call me sticky?" That's right, she only ever calls him George or George Washington

28:33 the fucking pose 🥴 corny bastard

28:46 "my failure at the Institute shattered me as a man" really? Couldnt tell from the desperacy to prove yourself

29:18 what is that coat thing??? Fugly

29:47 he looks so stupid in the hobo clothes

30:20 why are they both so weird and stiff

30:56 and this is the reason Reynie's joke landed last season- both of their senses of humor are broken 😂

30:59 STOP SHE LOOKS SO SCARED

31:28 oh damn, how did they even know her to recommend her? That's interesting

32:01 "we forgive you." They have the creepy twin thing nailed

32:11 THE PATS

32:19 Martina you sneaky snake 😂😂

32:57 we love a responsible girl. Or at least slightly responsible

33:02 SGDJDHDJDJ HER FACE WHEN SHE REALIZED, THE TENDERNESS, THE FACT THAT KATE NEVER INITIATES INTIMACY,,,,

33:11 "I'll see you down the road, friends." PLEASE tell me that means she's planned for S3

33:44 the sideeye he just gave her 🤨

34:10 oh he is so gonna blow it

34:17 funky looking pot. I like the colors

34:54 dude

35:24 so this is his plan, sic the kid on her

Wow, what an episode. Overall, good!! Lots of action, character arcs are moving towards resolution. Didnt love some of the side commentary, especially those couple weight jokes. That was tasteless and unnecessary. But generally things are falling into place. I cant wait to watch episode 7!

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 32

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Summary: Stephen Strange being a grown-up. Reader being a grown-up. Kind of. Revenge plot starts now - don't be like the mercenary, don't threaten reader's family. Avengers being good.. bros? Good found family idk. More smut + plot coming soon.

The silence hung awkwardly over us. Stephen wasn't the one to wax poetics, usually, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything but curl up somewhere warm, chug a bottle of liquor and fall asleep. Sleep is like death without the committment and after my little outburst, I inwardly prayed and begged for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Instead, I was directed to sit and drink my tea by the sorcerer, who, by the way, was beginning to look like a kicked puppy.

It was starting to become unbearable. "I'm listening," I finally croaked out, shocked at how raspy my voice sounded. As if someone had forced me to choke on some nails - and I felt like it, too. My hands were shaking, all but spilling the hot tea onto them.

"Princess..." His mouth did the thing when he was worried, lips pursed, their corners upturned. "What we did was not... Right, you were drugged without your consent. I am sure Tony feels the same way."

My eyebrows rose, words bubbling up to the surface as I fought the urge to simply start calling Stephen some strong names. Had he been blind the whole time I flirted with him, had he not seen both me and Tony ogling him when we thought nobody could see? Every time I joked about the sexual tension between them - you know what they say, every joke has a little bit of truth in it.

Or maybe the sorcerer had used the incident as a convenient excuse for our little fuck-fest to be a one-time thing? I expected more, I won't lie, but I wouldn't put it above him. I knew all too well that some men tended to simply... Avoid.

I was angry, probably rightfully so, but it was not the time for me to comfort an adult man. My own life was going to shit, I had no mental energy to unburden his baseless guilt. It was selfish and it made me feel even more like shit, but it was as if someone had flipped a switch inside of me. I just didn't care about someone's heartbreak. I needed to solve another problem, a much bigger than a man that couldn't make up his mind.

I had to find that damn mercenary. It was the only real threat hanging over our heads; unlike any mission that I've seen the team go on before, they had thrown all the forces into catching the man that had gotten into their safe space, their home. That threatened to take what they thought as theirs. Long gone were the days of comfortable domesticity.

"Okay," I replied, nodding curtly. "I wanted it, if it helps any. I thought you were attractive the first day I saw you." I spoke bluntly, beginning to feel like myself more and more with each word that I spoke. "And again, no strings have to be attached. I'm sure Tony will understand it too, it's not his first rodeo."

Stephen's head shot up from where he was examining his clasped hands, to study me with furrowed brows. Cloaky moved where it was wrapped around me, attracting the sorcerer's attention - I, unfortunately, did not understand the Cloak's sign language and what it told Stephen remained a mystery to me. I was just delighted to be out of the cold and and wet clothes.

"I think you misunderstood me," Stephen eyed me with surprise. "I want more, but..." He trailed off, unsure. "I don't know. I'm surprised Banner hasn't gone green on me yet. I'm a doctor, I should have known..."

So, he was pulling a me and wallowing in pity. Is this really how pathetic I looked when I used to mope around the house earlier? No wonder my mother thinks I'm a baby. "Stephen, I'm really not in the mood to listen to bullshit. I wanted it, you wanted it, great, we can move on. Because with everything that has happened to me, I really have no energy to convince you I like you even while sober when you're sabotaging yourself." Sure, I might have ripped off the motivational speech from a self-help book my mother used to have laying around. My patience was wearing thinner with each second. "There, I said it. I like you, my boyfriends like you, you're welcome to the club if you decide to believe the fact that I am telling the truth." And if he wouldn't, well, I could get over it. I was planning to never act upon my feelings for both Tony and Bruce, it hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Especially with me being busy enough to just ignore the feelings.

At some point, I had grown attached to Stephen. Perhaps, if I and Tony hadn't decided to mess around with the sorcerer at the party, my feelings wouldn't have bloomed into anything more than physical attraction. Murphy's law had a particularly strong affinity on me, I noticed, because over and over I found myself falling head over heels for emotionally unavailable men. It worked out with Tony, which wasn't as surprising as one might expect, considering we're two halves of a whole idiot, but then Bruce also decided to pucker up - Stephen was bound to be the rock that I trip on.

Or not? Soft lips pressed against my forehead, beard hair softly tickling the tip of my nose. I was pressed against a solid chest, surrounded by warmth and comfort. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot," Steph whispered, voice quivering.

"Well, it's not like this... Relationship... I've got going on is something commonplace," My arms wrapped around him, a deep sigh relaxing my body into his. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't right."

Stephen chuckled, all but pulling me bodily into his lap. "Don't worry, Princess. I deserved it." As he spoke, the Cloak carefully unwrapped itself from me, drifting away with a parting pat on my back. "Now what happened with your parents?" Large palms pushed the hair out of my face, stormy blue eyes looking at me with worry.

"I should probably assemble all my significant others for this conversation," There was little enthusiasm in discussing the incident. I was an adult and had enough money to get by for a few months, at least until I could patent one of my inventions. I had plenty of knick-knacks that should be able to interest buyers, that much I knew, and while the legal side of the process was a blank slate to me, I knew I could be charismatic enough to have someone work it out for me.

"I don't think I'll be able to take Steve seriously when he says 'assemble', now," My third boyfriend chuckled, which - wow, I didn't have boyfriends and now I had three? Should I be considering opening a factory or something? Stephen adjusted his hold on me. "Let's go, I'll portal us in."

"My car's out there with all my stuff. I'll have to drive," I protested but made no move to get out of his lap.

"Tony is a billionaire, he can pay someone to retrieve it," Shrugging carelessly, he produced a golden circle of magic, the common room couch in plain sight at the other side of it. I heard voices and then Clint's head peaked through, a curiously tilted eyebrow morphing into full fledged face of confusion upon seeing the two of us.

Yikes. I had forgotten about the state of my dress and the bruise on my cheek. "Hey, bird. I need a drink," I said the first thing that popped into my mind, causing both Clint and Steph to laugh as the sorcerer carried me into the tower through the portal.

"I'm starting to think you go out there and look for trouble on purpose," The archer sighed, pulling out his phone and texting rapidly. Mine vibrated, too, once he was done, which meant he'd called for a family meeting. Blergh.

In no time, Tony appeared, dark circles under his eyes and yesterday's shirt on, towing a worried Bruce behind him. One after the other, the Avengers tickled in, looking restless and exhausted. Loki's frown was well on its way to becoming a full sneer.

"Talk, please," He requested, eyeing me with concern.

"Good news is I got our rogue wizard back," I poked Stephen in the chest. He was blushing. "Bad news is my mother threw me out and my father didn't pick up the phone, so technically I'm homeless and parent-less," I decided that spitting out straight facts was the easiest way to go about it. I mean, there was no good way to tell what I just told them.

The storm that I anticipated didn't appear. Just a lot of disappointed sighs all around, especially from Tony, who looked twenty years older after I'd confessed to the current state of my affairs. "You're not homeless, you live here," He pointed out, rubbing his face and muttering some very strong words under his nose. Particularly, the expressions involved my mother and various methods of fornication.

"We got your back, doll," Bucky nodded, coming over to wrap me in a gentle hug. He was like a brother from another mother to me at this point, kind and goofy and sensible. "I would propose to teaching that harpy a lesson but I think she's beyond it."

"Perhaps it's for the best," Loki mused suddenly. "If I recall correctly, your mother was against your career of choice, which is idiotic. Science is a noble and prospective path." The Asgardian, too, gave me a hug.

I wasn't crying! There were ninjas, in the vents, cutting onions! "Stop it guys, I'm gonna cry. I already look like shit!" The protest was silenced by Bruce's lips on mine, his tiny smile briefly covering my mouth with tenderness. After that, everybody somehow decided it was their job to try and make me cry; like a bad bitch, I resisted, but eventually broke and started sniffling when Tony began rambling about building me my own lab and Wanda offered to help me decorate my new apartment.

No matter how much my mind screamed at me to refuse, I forced that noise down. Fighting against myself, accepting help despite feeling unworthy of it - it was probably the hardest thing I've done in my whole life.

Bruce volunteered to carry my prone body to Tony's bedroom which was quickly becoming the master bedroom for the three of us - ever since the incident, both of my scientists stuck close to me whenever possible, aggressively cuddling me whenever they decided it was time to get some sleep. Which wasn't much these days, if I was being honest. Persuading Bruce to stay with me was a novelty - usually he didn't resist, but that time, I had to repeat myself multiple times that the team could handle business even without him being present.

I had my ulterior motives, of course. Tony and Stephen needed to talk. I only hoped their egos wouldn't clash without me to mediate - having two boyfriends start a fight wasn't something I wanted to experience. I had zero experience in those matters and had no idea how to manage all that. Are there handbooks for polyamorous relationships? I stuck a mental post-it note inside my brain to check it out.

I fell asleep with Bruce wrapped around me and woke up in the same position, having been too exhausted to move even in my sleep. Voices, rough and quiet, were the first thing I heard upon syncing my brain into a resemblance of a working order, instantly recognizing Stephen's deep baritone and Tony's teasing drawl.

"Expect either Reindeer Games or Kim Possible to come and terrify you," My engineer didn't sound particularly ecstatic. His voice came from somewhere around my feet; the hand wrapped around my ankle, thumb gently stroking the skin, must've been his.

"Duly noted," Stephen's reply was equally sarcastic, sounding a little closer. The warmth coming from my side was him. I could smell the faint spices that surrounded him, smell that I'd come to associate with the Sanctum.

Bruce snored away, not a care in the world.

My body, on the other hand, felt rested for what felt the first time in years. A pleasant ache in my muscles had me begrudgingly squirm out of Banner'd grasp, shamelessly pushing up into Stephen as I stretched with a juicy yawn. "What's poppin'?" I rubbed my eyes, finding the men awake looking at me with fond amusement.

"Just watching," Tony smiled, causing me to giggle at his accidental meme-ing. Was it even accidental? I refused to believe that a man well versed in IT was oblivious to meme culture.

Stephen, on the other hand... "We've discussed some things, wanted to talk to you too." His hand stroked my hair, face expression soft unlike anything I'd ever seen him have. "But you were sleeping. So cute."

Me, cute? There was a puddle of drool the size of a dollar bill on my pillow, I was pretty sure some of it had even gotten in Bruce's hair. Banner's sleep was quiet except for every five minutes when he'd let out a snore with a force somewhere between a Mack truck and a whale in mating season.

Cute, sure.

Bruce groaned, a tell-tale sign of him waking up. I met his eyes, brown, shiny, a narrow edge of green around his irises. Huh. Do I have three boyfriends or four?

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​@sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias

[kamosweasley]

I don't want to talk - Part II (George Weasley x Reader)

Description : To read the first part and third part.

Word count : 3.7K

Warning : mention of cheating, angst

It’s been two weeks since George kicked you out. These words may sound too violent for what happened but you really feel like he kicked you out of where you found a home. It's not so much about the apartment, it's above all living with him, being surrounded by his love every day. As cliché as it sounds, you've never felt better than in his arms, and knowing you may never be able to find your way there again makes you feel terrible.

A part of you tells yourself you deserve this punishment and a part tells yourself it’s ridiculous to lose everything (including the person who matters most to you) because you love two people. You mean, okay it’s not common to be in love with two people at the same time but you can't help it, and it hasn't changed your love for George. So losing him would destroy you, because you still love him like a fool and you don't know if you will ever be able to draw a line under the life you had imagined for the two of you. But there's still hope, George sent you an owl to tell you that he wanted to see you tonight after work. He asked you to arrive a little before the store closes so he wouldn't have to wait for you. The tone of the letter was far from warm or enthusiastic but it suits you, you didn't expect him to forgive you so quickly and you will have the opportunity to see him again and discuss all this with him. You're terrified but also full of hope, if he wants to talk to you that means he doesn't just want to leave you and forget everything, right ?

So here you are, in front of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, the heart at the edge of the explosion. You were so scared to be late that you arrived an hour early, leaving you looking at the window with undisguised anxiety. You keep nipping your lower lip, your hands are sweaty and you keep fiddling with the ring that George gave you a few years ago. It was to celebrate your coming out of Hogwarts and getting your NEWT's at the same time. He was so happy to offer it to you, even though you had only been together for a little more than a year, he already wanted to offer you everything he could. He gave you so many products from his store, you almost got all the new products just a few days before they went on sale. It was important for him to share this with you and it made you happy he shares with you this passion he has made as his job. By the way, you must have forgotten it in the apartment, you didn't think to take them with you. You should have.

The door opens with the sound of a bell, suddenly taking you out of your thoughts and making you jump. It’s George, with a cold gaze and an annoyed look on his face.

-What are you doing here ? You were supposed to arrive later.

-I was afraid I was going to be late, so I didn't really pay attention to my advance. Sorry about that.

-Come in, you're going to scare the customers by staring at the storefront like that. You look like a psycho.

He moves to let you pass. You enter timidly and you immediately have the feeling of entering hostile territory. Maybe it's because Fred looks at you badly as soon as he sees you come in, making you want to disappear. You've never experienced hostility with twins, it's always been the other way around, even more so when you were the girlfriend of one and the sister-in-law of the other. It’s funny that Fred always acted as if you were a married couple. He was the only one to call you Mrs Weasley, saying it should motivate his brother to ask you. Today you doubt he calls you by his last name as he used to. After all, you break his brother’s heart, you doesn’t deserve any sweet nickname.

-Since you're here, all you have to do is help us organize the shelves, you know how it works.

-Okay, what do you want me to start with ?

-I think there are almost no more love potions on the shelf, there's a whole box of them in the reserve.

He hasn't even glanced at you, already on his way to see a customer. You’re going to get that box when Fred passes close to you, saying the air of nothing that you do not need to steal one of them. You immediately understand what he is implying and you want to tell him to fuck off, that it’s none of his business. But you don't have the courage to argue with Fred when you came to try to patch things up with George. That would be counterproductive and you can't blame Fred for being upset with you.

A few minutes later, you put the bottles on their display, being on your guard. You know Fred well enough to know it's not impossible that he might play a bad joke on you to avenge his brother in his own way. It might even be an opportunity to demonstrate a product to customers, unless you're getting paranoid. You’re just so tired of all of this …

-Hello Y/N.

-Luna ! You surprised me.

-I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You came to see George ?

-Yes.

-Great, I’m happy to see you both. It's been a long time since I've seen him, and so have you. I haven't heard from you in two weeks. Were you sick ?

It's weird to see her again since the argument with George. Curiously you don't have that odd feeling like all the other times, you just want her to go away before George sees you together. It would probably make him mad, he might imagine you asked Luna to come or she came to try to stop you from talking to him. You have no idea what might be going on in his head but you refuse to waste your chance.

-Kind of. You should go before you get sick too.

-Luna, what a pleasure to see you !

You stiffen at the sound of his voice behind your back, suddenly so warm that his sentence sounds sincere. But he's angry with Luna even though he doesn't let it show. He knows it's ridiculous because it's Luna, she didn't do anything to make Y/N fall in love with her again and she may not even know about it. But he resents her because she took a part of the heart he desires entirely, just for him.

-Hello George. I was telling Y/N that it's been a long time since I've seen you. It's a bit sad, you're good friends and we see so little of each other.

-But you have seen Y/N a lot in the last few months.

-True, but not for the last two weeks. It was as if she had disappeared, I thought she finally asked you to marry her and the two of you have stayed together ever since. It could have been a secret wedding, I think that's your type. But she told me she was sick.

-What ? Ask me to marry her ? Why would she do that?

-Luna !

-Sorry, I thought you talked about it with him.

-You wanted to ask me to marry you?

-I don't think it matters now.

-I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Rolf tells me I should be more subtle when talking to people.

-Who is Rolf ?

-She didn’t tell you ? Rolf is my fiancé, he’s a magizoologist like me. We met at work, he is adorable and very nice. I'm sure he's going to love your products, I came to buy some for him. He's going back to England in a few days.

George feels lost, he had no idea Luna had gotten engaged. If he had known, maybe he wouldn't have been so angry with you, because he wouldn't have thought Luna could dump her fiancé to get back together with you while you were in a relationship. He knows Luna well enough to know she is not that kind of woman, no matter how she feels about you she would have pushed you away and told you to stay with him. She has always been so nice and fair while he feels terribly selfish. 

-Congratulations, I had no idea. It's wonderful news, you have ... have you picked a date yet ?

-Yes, we will soon send out the invitations, you will receive one of course. It will be this summer, dad is very keen on it. Don't hesitate to come in yellow, it will make him happy.

-I take note.

-I'm going to go pay, it's closing soon. It was nice to see you again, feel free to visit me anytime.

The blonde goes to the cashier after a smile. You've never felt so embarrassed in front of George, it was the weirdest conversation and you don't know what effect it had on him.

-Why didn’t you tell me she’s engaged ?

-What difference would it have made ? You said that no matter what happened between her and me, the problem is I had feelings for her again.

-Luna would never cheat on someone, least of all her fiancé.

-So you trust Luna more than you trust me. Great …

-You're not going to get offended when it's all your fault in this story !

-George ! Calm down, the store is not closed yet.

He almost screamed while there were a dozen customers in the store, most of them looking at you waiting for the next part. Can this day get any worse ? It hasn't even been 10 minutes since you walked in and it's only getting worse.At this rate George won't even want to talk to you anymore and you'll have to say goodbye to him forever before the store closes. Resuming his professional appearance, he clears his throat to regain his composure and walks away without a word. Then you go back to what you were doing before Luna arrived, putting the small bottles carefully. You feel tense, it seems like there's not much missing for you to break down and either burst into tears or go crazy. It's like being in the middle of a nightmare, you would give anything to make it stop and wake up in bed with George's arms around you and his breath on your neck.

Lost in your thoughts and anxiety, the closing finally arrives and Fred leaves the store for the apartment above, not without giving you yet another bad look before winking at his brother. Here we are, and you just want to run away.

George comes to you, always with his mask of indifference on. It’s only a facade, you know him by heart and in truth he tries not to show he’s in pain. You're both in pain but you're the only one to show it, that's the game. All means are good to make him understand this separation hurts you and you miss him. You’re sitting on a step of the stairs leading to the second floor, with desperate eyes looking at the ground like a punished child. It's not going to be a piece of cake, he's probably going to say some hurtful words, but everything has to be said and heard.

-What about the proposal ? Were you really going to ask me ?

-I really thought about it, I never lied when I said that I love you and you are the man I want to make my life with.

He says nothing, assimilating this information with difficulty. He's still hurt and angry about what you did, but he feels it's not as he imagined it would be. He thought the moment he threw you out, you had gone to join Luna and since then you had been consoling yourself in her arms. He doesn't doubt your love for him, he saw how you were that night, but he thought you would move on with time, with Luna. He imagined himself learning that you were moving in with her, and the day you were going to get married. It destroyed him from the inside, this image, this perfect happiness that you would live with her when it should have been with him.

-You are the most important person to me, since we have been together for so long, I told myself that I could be the first one to make the proposal.

-Sounds ridiculous …

-You know that I want your kids. We already talked of this, I want 4 children and you, 5.

-Stop it. I know all of this too, but we can't talk of our future anymore. I'm not sure of our couple anymore.

-I understand. But you asked me to come here to talk. I'm trying to make you understand I don't want a future without you. Isn't what I'm supposed to do?

He remains silent, staring at the display of love potions. He stands up straight with his hands in his pockets and again you can't read him. You hate it, feeling like he's already so far away from you when the breakup isn't official yet. You're afraid he won't want you anymore and say it out loud, that he'll move on and make his life with another girl. He would have the right, nothing obliges him to stay with you, but how could you survive it ? He's the love of your life, it's the only thing that's been going round and round in your head for the last two weeks. It's him and nobody else, Luna is nothing compared to him. The tall man sighs and raises his head to the ceiling, you can see that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek. This is not a good sign.

-You understand it changes nothing for us.

-Not even a little ?

-I don't think so.

-Why ? It must change something. We both want to marry each other, we want a home and a family to build together. I told you more than I can remember that I am sorry and I choose you for ever and ever. Why isn't it enough ?

-You're going to get angry now ?

-I do, because I don't understand ! I understand you need time and you're mad about me and you have all right. But I didn't do anything to get her, not a kiss, not a look, not even a word. I never wanted to do anything with her, I was lost in my feelings and you … you say you will never need me again. How I'm supposed not to be angry ?

Tears fill up your eyes, it's kind of unfair of you to put a blame on him for his choice but you can't handle it. This man is yours since so many years, you've already imagined what your future would look like, to the kind of grandparents you would be. You want to live so many things with him, like traveling abroad, laughing at your children's mischief, celebrating your wedding anniversaries in so many different ways, just laughing every day of your life with this wonderful man. He can't take that away from you without you saying a word.

-Everybody makes mistakes, there is such a thing as forgiveness and you have to know how to forgive the people you love. I'm not saying this to make you feel obligated but because I want you to do it, because I still love you. Do you know that saying, "Love cannot be divided, it can only multiply" ? That's exactly right, I didn't take a part of my love for you to give to Luna. It's an old love that has woken up, it's something totally different. It's more like loving a friend very much or wanting the last broom, it’s unreasonable, foolish and not that strong as the way I love you.

-Is that supposed to make me want to take you back ?

-Shut up George ! I’m falling ! There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you heard Luna, I haven't spoken to her in two weeks ! I’m ready to do anything for you, to prove you my love !

-And you think that makes you respectable and forgivable ?

It's the most frustrating situation you've ever experienced, it's like talking to a wall. No matter what you say or what you do, he doesn't want to forgive you. This sudden realization makes you cry your eyes out. You refuse to give up your story, but it takes two to make one more, and George is sinking the ship. You don't know what's more powerful between despair and rage, but you're falling apart again. So it's really over ? He asked you to come here to finish you off like this ?

-George, I’m begging you … Don’t do this … Please, don’t leave me …

-I love you from the depths of my being, I was ready to give everything for you. But I can't give you my forgiveness, and above all I know I can't give you back my trust.

-But I don't understand ! I didn't cheat on you, I didn't do anything with her, she doesn't even know what happened ! I ignored her, I left you alone waiting for you to come back to me to talk and try to make things right because we love each other and this story doesn't change anything about OUR story !

-It changed something.

-No it doesn’t ! Maybe you’re afraid and you don’t trust me like before, and again I understand it and accept it. You’re hurt because you feel betrayed, you wanted to be the only one I love and unfortunately this is not the case but you still want me. In spite of everything you feel and what you told me, you still want me to become your wife and to raise a family together. You still want to offer me your newest products in advance and find me every night at the apartment. Because you know as well as I do that we are meant to be together. We survived Umbrage, we survived the war, I was always there when you needed me and you did the same. This love that unites us, it’s different from the one I have for Luna, it’s much more powerful and indestructible. We can break up if that's what you really want, but you know as well as I do that this love will never die. And you'll miss me every day of your life because I'll miss you too. I’ll love you forever, and I can’t do anything against that. 

-You’re cruel. Do you really think I'm happy I have to break up with you ? I'm not because you are ... everything I've ever wanted. I've always felt lucky to have you, I was sure we would make it. I’ll love you forever too and that’s the problem ! I can't escape you while you are hurting me, you will make me suffer all my life because I will have to try to run away from you all my life !

-You don't have to run away. Especially if it means it will make you suffer for the rest of your life.

Neither of you has moved since the beginning, almost like statues with words. You are together on a path that separates into two other paths, and you don't agree on which one to take next. One is clearly a dead end while the other leaves more possibilities. But you can't force George to follow you, if he really wants to stop everything then you'll have to accept it. Even if it breaks both your hearts, you can't stop him from living his life the way he wants. You've already done enough harm, and his feelings will make him suffer for a long time if he chooses to break up, there's no need to add to it. But you're not ready to hear it so you try to save this love story that's falling apart.

-Why can't we at least try to work things out before we break up ?

-If I come back to you, I know I would forgive you and we would go back to the way things were, almost as if nothing had happened.

-And it would be a bad thing ?

-I talked it over with Fred, he told me not to be fooled and not to give you a second chance. He says I deserve better than a woman who can't love only me.

-Excuse me but we don't give a shit about what Fred thinks. He's your brother, your twin, your partner, but he's not the one living your life. You know me much better than he does, you know our history and you know if I'm honest or not.

-So why didn't you tell me about Luna ?

-See where that got us ? As soon as I realized, I was ashamed, and I knew it would lead nowhere because there is only you for me. She has never been an option, least of all when she is engaged and I was hoping we would be as soon. I know, it sounds cheesy and cliché but it's the truth. I just wanted to wait for it to go away.

-By continuing to see her every day ?

-What would you have thought if I had stopped everything suddenly ? And I really thought it was a kind of nostalgia for a time when it was simple and not painful. The more the days go by and the more I'm sure of it, I don't miss her as much as I miss you, her absence doesn't hurt as much as yours. It was stupid to go back to her like that, I know. I’m sorry George. For all of this, it’s my fault. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. And I can never apologize enough for that, I promised you I would never hurt you. I’m really sorry George.

These words ring true in George's heart, yet this is not the first time you have said these words and he already knows everything, even what you didn't say. All you've done is tell the truth you both know, and even if it hurts he can't deny it. This is the moment when he must choose between yes and no. This is the moment when no matter what his twin brother said to him, his heart beats reason. It’s true he has loved you for four years and he can’t see a future without you, that's a pretty good reason to give a second chance. 

-Come on, let's go home.

-What ?

-Come quickly before I change my mind.

Without a word, you get up in a hurry and leave the store to let George close behind. You don't know what to expect, but this opening draws you like a beacon in the night. He lets you come home, which means he wants to try. You feel like you're living again, breathing is suddenly no longer painful, everything seems a little better and a little less sad. 

-You’ll sleep on the couch.

-Okay.

-I promise you nothing.

-That’s fair.

-I hope it will work. It would hurt too much if it didn’t.

You walk side by side in the night, without holding hands as you used to do. It's strange but there's a glimmer of hope that's lit up for both of you. Maybe it’s not the end.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Forty-Eight

Table of Content or Part Forty-Seven

Wattpad

Word count: 5.6k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse, verbal abuse, explicit sexual situations, graphic mention of suicide

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"We can get your stuff up and drop it off later." Duff offers as I pull my shoes on and grab my car keys.

"Okay."

"Don't forget your purse." He adds, and I grab it from the coffee table.

"You alright going by yourself, Viv?" Steven asks me and I tuck a strand of wet hair behind my ear.

"Doc's meeting me there." I tell him.

"So, you don't know if he's okay?" He asks next and I exhale.

"No. I don't, and I really, really don't want to think of him not being okay so let's just not talk about it." I tell him, stepping to the door.

"Well, can you call us and let me know how he's holding up?" He follows me to the door and I nod. 

"I will." I assure him, grabbing his hand in mine and squeezing it for a moment. "Thank you for letting me stay with you. I love you, I'll talk to you later." I say to him.

"Love you, too." He replies, smiling a little.

I leave to my car and head home as fast as I can. 

I hate to be morbid, but every worst case scenario was flashing through my mind.

He had a plethora of all sorts of drugs throughout the house, plenty of sharp knives around, we had a pool, he kept a gun in our room...there was no shortage of suicide attempts or methods to use if he felt in the shock of Nona's death, that he couldn't go on.

And that's all I could focus on the entire way to the house.

I punch the code in the gate and as soon as I get in the driveway, I'm putting the Corvette in park, yanking the keys out, bursting out of the car and sprinting up the stairs to the front door, my shaking hands fumbling to unlock it.

The second I get the door open, it's pretty obvious Nikki hasn't kept the house up. At all.

Clothes are on the floor, empty cling wrap that obviously housed bindles of coke are scattered about, empty liquor bottles decorate almost every flat surface, empty syringes randomly placed throughout the living room and a bitter, familiar smell violates my nostrils from the kitchen.

I slowly make my way to our bedroom, looking around for Nikki.

His closet door is open, revealing a floor littered with needles, lumps of tar, pills and blow...and a crack pipe.

"Well, that's a new demon." I mumble, disappointed, before stepping to our bathroom.

I open the door, and sigh with relief at the sight of him in the bathtub, staring off.

I'm 99.9% sure he's stoned out of his mind.

"Nikki?" I ask him softly, getting on my knees beside the bathtub.

I notice a disgusting looking clumpy mixture is floating atop the water, and I realize it's vomit.

"Babe." I say more sternly this time, hoping to get a reaction. His dead, somber eyes shift to me. "C'mon, let's get out." I suggest, reaching into the water that's turned cold from him being in here for long.

"Just fuck off." He says to me, trying to stand up on him own, but he nearly falls out of the tub.

I just ignore him, helping him out, careful not to get the vomit that's clinging to his skin, on me.

"You need to rinse off in the shower." I suggest to him.

"Get me a shot of blow." He tells me slowly.

"I'm not getting you drugs." I reply calmly, moving his wet hair from his face as he holds himself up using the counter.

"Then what's the point of having you around?" He snaps.

"You're fucked up, covered in your own vomit. I don't think you're in any position to piss off your only help at the time you need it most." I tell him as politely as I can. "Please let me help you, Nikki. I think we've done enough damage to each other the past couple of months to last a life time."

He looks at me, a mixture of defeat and exhaustion cloaking his features.

He doesn't argue when I turn the shower on.

By the time he's rinsed off, the door bell's ringing, and I'm handing him a towel and going to the door to see Doc once I've got it open.

"Hey." He says. "How is he?"

"He just got out the shower. I'm gonna try to get him to go to bed. He looks like he hasn't slept in days." I explain.

"Alright." He nods. "I'll check back in later. Just call if you guys need anything."

"Thanks, Doc." I reply and he gives a sad look before going back to his car.

I go back the bathroom to see Nikki rinsing his mouth out with Jack.

I take the time to notice he's gained some weight back. I thought he'd lose more of it, especially since he's on crack now, apparently.

"Funeral's saturday." He says out of nowhere, and I bite my lip nervously, not saying a word. "My granddad gave me directions to get there but I forgot already."

Again, I don't say a word.

I don't have to. He can read my expression.

"I mean, that's why you're here, isn't it?" He asks, knowingly. "Pretty sad it takes the woman who raised me, dying, in order for my fucking wife to come home."

"You need to sleep." I ignore his comment, guilt reeling through me.

"And you just need to go back to your replacements for Mötley. I don't need you here." He argues.

"Pretty loud barking for someone who spent how many nights calling me, crying for me to come home?" I remind him as I cross my arms.

"I was fucked up." He states.

"Sober thoughts." I counter him.

"Vivian. I'm not fighting with you. Fuck off or shut up because I've got enough going on right now and I'm not wasting time on going back and forth with you." He steps past me to the bedroom and I follow after him.

"Of course not. You'd much rather waste time shooting up and free basing." I scoff, and I'm quickly dodging an empty bottle of whiskey as it collides with our bedroom wall right beside my head.

"Go to hell!" He screams at me, shaking, angry tears sprouting down his cheeks. "I can't even grieve in peace because you just refuse to let me do what I need to do! You aren't happy or satisfied unless I'm fucking miserable! I'm in hell right now and you come in and start shit just because you can, and you know exactly what fucking buttons to press to get under my skin and suck the life out of me like a fucking leech!"

"Drugs don't help anything, Nikki. It makes things worse. You just need to let yourself feel everything and power through it."

"When your aunt slit her fucking wrists you couldn't keep yourself off my dick for weeks! You fucking avoided talking about it and kept yourself distracted with me! In fact, while they were having her funeral and burying her, you were face down on my bed begging 'harder, Daddy', so I don't want to hear shit from you, of all people, about how I should cope!" He doesn't hold back, his shaking finger pointed at me viciously and I rub my lips together, tears toppling from my eyes.

Nikki's coping mechanism was drugs. Mine was sex. That's why, once our marriage got so bad off we couldn't even be in the same room, let alone touch each other, I went to Duff because I couldn't get my emotional and physical fix from Nikki anymore.

Messed up. Sad. But true.

"Okay." I say lowly, sniffling a little from crying. "I'm gonna go call Tom and get the directions. We can leave early Saturday morning." I mumble, leaving him alone as fast as I can without making it look obvious.

I shut the door behind me and head for the phone in the living room, dialing Tom's and Nona's number.

"Hello?"

"T-Tom, this is Viv." I start, my stomach in knots.

"Oh, hey...how're you doing?" He asks me and I rub my lips together.

"I could be better."

He let's out a barking laugh and I hear the pain in his voice as he says:

"I know exactly how you feel."

"Well, I was just calling to get directions to where the funeral is gonna be held. Nikki wasn't paying attention the first time you told him, I'm sure he was in shock."

"Well his aunt and I have called a lot the past couple months to try to tell him Nona was getting worse, but nobody answered the phone until today." He tells me and I let out a breath.

"We haven't been at home much." I reply, grabbing a pen and a envelope from the stack of bills on the coffee table. "What were those directions, again?"

He tells me and once I finish jotting them down, I'm struggling to find what to say.

"Thank you." I tell him. "And I'm really sorry."

"I'll be alright. You kids take care, I'll see you soon."

"We will, bye-bye."

"Bye-bye."

I hang up, letting out a breath as I fall back on the couch, feeling a migraine coming over me.

I close my eyes for a moment before opening them, taking in our house that is in shambles currently.

"How am I gonna have him presentable in three freaking days?" I ask God, fear that Nikki won't be put together in time, cracks into my mind before I avoid thinking about it by deciding to clean the house up.

It's while cleaning that I realize the redecorating Nikki's done while I've been gone.

Some of our furniture throughout the house has been replaced with what seem to be antique versions of it.

He's gotten black out curtains hung in every window, and there's even freaky looking gargoyles he's put up in some corners that look like demons leering in the house. They probably praise him each time he takes a shot of heroin or a hit of his pipe.

I ignore the new look of the place, once he's sober and out of this hole he's dug himself he'll want to be more uplifting and light and change the place back to how it was. But right now he's dark and gloomy, so of course where he resides is going to match that.

By the time I've finished cleaning the kitchen, dining area, living room, and our bedroom, he's coming out of hiding.

"I talked to your grandfather and got the directions." I tell him from my spot on the couch, watching TV, as I hear him open a bottle of wine in the kitchen.

He steps into the living room and sits on the other end of the couch, an entire bottle of white wine in hand, his eyes hazy, nothing but unlaced leather pants covering him up.

"I talked to Doc and he's booking us a flight for early Saturday morning, and late Saturday night so we can come back so you guys can start on the new album as soon as you can."

I glance over, seeing a new tattoo on him I completely overlooked earlier when I helped him out of the tub.

"When did you get that?" I ask, leaning forward on my knees to trace my finger along the sharp leafing of a rose stem on the right side of his chest.

He tenses a little when I touch him, his eyes glowering at me for a split second before averting back to the TV ahead of us.

I just swallow my pride.

"Nikki, I'm sorry I came in and started a fight. I know you need as much serenity you can get right now and I shouldn't have said all that stuff to you." I let out, getting it off my chest.

At first I think he doesn't hear me, until he's exhaling heavily.

"I said fucked up shit to you about your aunt." He tells me. "I shouldn't have brought that into an argument."

"We haven't seen each other for two months and I immediately started in on you, not to mention you're going through a lot and don't need me dogging on you. You had every right to say what you did." I assure him.

It's clear in his facial expression that he doesn't agree, but he doesn't try to argue anymore than we already have.

He gives me a little smile, a dopey smile, something I didn't know he'd be doing much of since the situation with Nona. Then again, he's numbed himself pretty heavily.

His ring filled fingers come up to push my hair back over my shoulder, and my heart sputters wildly in my chest as he slowly coaxes me closer to him, hand beginning to gently grasp at my hair to pull me to him.

His lips are soon brushing against mine as if testing the waters, before he presses a small,  innocent kiss to my lips.

It's bizarre to think I haven't kissed him in two fucking months.

Apparently he feels the same, because the second our lips separate, he's going in for more.

I pull away a little, though and keep my hand on his chest as he looks at me, confused.

"I'm not sure if it's a good idea to do this right away." I tell him in a whisper, trying to keep myself at bay.

"Why not?" He asks in the same tone, his fingers leaving my hair so his finger tips can ghost over the skin down my neck, down my sides, catching at the bottom of my black tank top before sliding under the fabric to touch at my skin.

"Because we--" I stop talking, holding back a moan as his hand slides up my stomach and brushes over my breast.

"Because why?" He asks me, knowing what he's doing.

"Because we were just separated for a couple months and..." he grabs at my hips, pulling me onto straddle him before putting his bottle of wine down on the carpeted floor. "...a-and it's just not the best ide--ah!" A high pitched whimper escapes my throat as his teeth grasps at my nipple through the cloth of my tight fitted top, his tongue swirling around it before releasing.

He smirks at me, and I try to collect what's left of my composure.

Of course I want to fuck around. But I don't want to take advantage of him.

His hand slips between my legs next, rubbing back and forth a couple of times, causing me to squeeze my eyes closed as I can't help but to grind into his hand.

"Oh, shit." I swear under my breath, feeling slickness coat my panties with each movement against his hand.

My hands rest back on his knees, my head tilts back and I just grind against his fingers for as long as I can, electricity bubbling in my core.

Before long, I'm soaking through my shorts, causing him to chuckle a little.

"Stand up." He tells me and I do, keeping myself from rubbing my thighs together. "Take your clothes off." He says next.

I take in a breath, pulling my top of my head slowly, a wash of confidence hitting at me as his eyes stay glued to my tits, my nipples practically begging for his mouth.

My shorts are next, my hips swaying a little as I get them down my legs, and I nearly lick my lips at the sight of him with his legs slightly more spread, a toothy grin plastered on his face.

I don't touch my panties, crouching down and crawling to where he's sitting, the palms of my hands rubbing up his thighs before pawing at the bulge in his pants.

He just let's out a small hiss as I grab at him, before his hand is around my throat.

My eyes roll back, my legs shift to rub at myself and when I look back up at him he looks like he has an idea.

"Do you want it?" He asks me, still choking me enough to get me even more wet and I let out a needy sound.

"Please." I beg, that need to be filled starting to overwhelm me.

"Show me how bad you want it." He says, drinking some of his wine, letting my throat go.

I think I catch him off guard when I slide up his body to straddle his right thigh, moving my scanty making sure my clit is resting against the leather of his pants before I slowly start humping at him, riding him like I would his cock.

My soaked cunt makes it easy to move against him, a wet sound of me using him to fuck myself echoes in my ears.

"My dirty little bitch." He teases, his hand in his pants at this point.

"All your's." I say thickly, my hand meeting his at his prick, taking over as I start jerking him off the best I can while he's trapped in the skin tight confinement.

He tilts his head back, taking a deep breath as I work him while continuing to grind against his thick thigh that's proving useful as a fucktoy.

He's reaching in his pocket before long, pulling out his switch blade and sawing at the band of my thong, causing it to give way and pop off.

He greedily yanks it from me and tosses it away, his eyes taking in my pubic bone and spread, wet lips grinding against his leg.

"So fucking pretty." He says to me, bucking up into my hand, his hands going for my pussy to angle me where he can see my clit rubbing back and forth against him, leaving a trail of liquid in each go.

"Can I please ride it, baby, please?" I plead, the torture of feeling his thick, hard length and not being able to do anything about it is driving me insane.

He looks at me, fingers sliding between my legs, getting a coating of arousal on them before holding them up to me.

I wrap my lips around his digits, moaning at my taste, continuing to suck on his fingers like I'm giving them a blowjob, my eyes fluttering closed.

After a couple minutes, he's pulling his fingers from my mouth before getting me off of him so he can get his pants down.

I rest sitting on my knees, looking up at him as he gets himself freed, beads up precum dripping out of him, and I catch them with my tongue.

He gasps at the action, grinning as he grabs his bottle of wine.

I'm confused for a moment before he's pouring the alcohol onto my shoulder, causing it to spill down my back, my chest, and my legs, emptying the nearly full bottle, the warm wetness eliciting a giggle from me as he drops to his knees in front of me, pushing me onto my back.

His tongue licks up my pussy to my wine soaked stomach, biting at the rib he likes to bite at, before licking up my chest and neck, causing me to laugh and moan simultaneously, threading my fingers through his thick hair once his tongue intertwines with mine.

He grabs at himself, rubbing between my entrance and my clit before sliding just the head of his cock into me.

I arch my back, already preparing for the full feeling of him completely in me.

He pulls away from me, getting on his knees.

"Spread your legs." He says and I open them, spread eagle, giving him the perfect view of his goal.

He curses to himself under his breath, admiring me for a moment before grabbing my hips, lifting them up to meet him, and positioning himself at my cunt.

His eyes focus on my face as he slowly pushes into me to the hilt, pressing against my cervix.

"God I've missed this." He says, pulling out of me and pushing back in.

"I have, too." I breathe out, falling into rhythm with his demanding thrusts, my fingers pinching and rolling my nipples as he obliterates my swollen sex.

My juices drip down the both of us and joins the wine on the carpet, further turning me on along with the site of him looking down at himself going in and out of me while I lick my lips at the site of sweat beginning to appear on his chest.

One of my hands reaches up to play with my clit and he spits onto the bundle of nerves to further lubricate my fingers' movements, and I pull my lip into my mouth and arch my spine at the site.

He's leaning down in a moment to kiss me hotly, his tongue colliding with mine before I'm biting at his lip with my teeth, my nails clawing down his side before pushing him onto his back, climbing on top of him.

I'm licking the sweat off his chest as I sink down on to him, his hands holding at my hips while I move against him.

I slowly lift off of him, my breath catching in my throat as he moves his hips up as mine come down, burying him to the hilt.

His hands spread across my stomach to move up and down my sides, before grabbing at my ass, igniting hot flames through my skin.

My long hair is sticking to my body as the wine he poured over me is starting to mix with the sheen of sweat on my skin and getting sticky.

My thighs shake as our pace picks up because the need to reach the high over powers the need to savor the moment.

He's got my hips in a white-knuckle grip, thrusting up into me while pulling me down onto him in sync.

My moans, his grunts, and the sound of our sex fills the air as my toes curl, and I start tightening around him like a python.

"Good girl." He says, his hand smacking painfully onto my ass, knowing I'm about to finish and I arch my back and flex my hips, my tits bouncing with each powerful stroke he gives me.

I close my eyes as a  whimper leaves my lips, a tear rolls down my cheek, and my muscles spasm around him as I orgasm, unable to even moan anymore as my body pumps itself full of dopamine.

I ride it out, as he slows down our pace, opening my eyes to see him staring up at me with half-open eyes, more than likely about to come, too.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He tells me, and I lean forward, kissing him for a moment before grinning down at him mischievously, purposely tightening around him, feeling every vein and ridge of his cock, as my hand reaches to massage his balls while I fuck him.

"Ah, fuck, Viv." He groans to himself, squeezing his eyes closed as pleasure washes over his face.

I feel his thighs shake little and bite my lip as his hands grope at my breasts with the same rhythm my hand gropes at him.

"You drive me f--shit--fucking crazy." He breathes out.

"I know." I reply sultrily, imagining his load emptying out into me and how good it will feel.

He tenses up and I cry out softly as he harshly pinches at my nipples.

"I gotta--ah!" He takes in a rough breath, screwing his eyes shut. "I gotta pullout so you won't get knocked up." He gets it out choppily.

"I won't." I assure him, selfishness pushing clear-thinking out of the picture.

"Viv--"

"--Nikki, please." I beg, my voice thick with need and lust and he shutters out another breath. "Tell me you don't want to and I'll get off of you."

I squeeze at his balls slightly harder, his fingers gripping at my thighs hard enough to leave bruises before we're both looking down between us to see his prick glistening in my cum.

"Tell me you don't want to fill me up and remind me whose I am." I keep my thrusts steady and a slew of swears swarm past his lips in a low tone, one of his hands moving to grip at his hair for a moment as if he's trying to get himself together.

My other hand moves to pull him to sit up and he wraps his arms around my waist, his body giving way to euphoria as he groans out, hot cum shooting into me.

My eyes roll back and close, missing the feeling of us like this as a satisfied mew slips out of my throat, Nikki's lips pressing across my chest bone, up my neck and finally to my lips.

My fingers get lost in his sweat soaked hair, my wet, sticky chest against his as we hold each other.

We both fall back onto the carpet before long, and I get off of him, curling up beside him and laying my cheek against his chest, focusing on his heartbeat because it's miraculous that he still has one.

His hand runs up and down my back, and with the mixture of a natural high, satisfaction, and--for the first time in a long time--peace, coursing through me, I'm lulled to sleep.

He wanted to pull out that night because he didn't want to pass anything to me, because he hadn't gotten a penicillin shot since screwing around on me.

Being that he had the control of a twelve-year old boy discovering porn for the first time, I don't know what the hell he would have come up with had I actually contracted something the random groupies he'd fucked in my absence, or Vanity, had accidentally given him.

I had no clue, but my high and optimism was blown a few minutes after we had our makeup session, anyway.

I open my eyes, seeing myself in the mirror on the ceiling of the living room, naked, Nikki nowhere to be seen.

I stretch, soreness spurring between my legs and I wince some, but smile at the fact Nikki and I are okay now.

Grabbing a throw from the back of the couch, I wrap it around me, stepping through the house to find Nikki.

Maybe he's in the shower.

Our bathroom's empty, and I furrow my brows, before hearing something moving around in our closet.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and open the door, seeing Nikki shaking with wide eyes, naked, holding his gun straight at me.

He was so fucked up. He'd get loaded on crack and think someone was out to get him, he'd scream and cry and wave his gun around, hallucinating people crawling under the front door, coming to kill him, or the cops coming to arrest him.

He'd flush his own drugs, every last one, out of paranoia of the FBI finding him. Then he'd come down from his high and be pissed at himself.

There were times he would actually shoot his fucking gun in the house.

I couldn't step foot in the living room for over a month because we had to get the mirrored tiling replaced and the ceiling patched because he shot all of the mirroring out.

I bet who ever had that house after us was still vacuuming shards of glass out of the carpet.

I shut the closet door back without a word, leaving him to himself to come down.

I lock myself in the guest bedroom and try to keep from crying.

I realized then that it didn't matter how good of a wife I was, how mind blowing the sex was, how much I worshipped the ground he walked on, how much I tried...it would never be enough.

Drugs were what he was truly in love with.

I guess Vanity and I both had that in common.

We were both, simply, the other woman.

Wednesday passed with Nikki too doped up to barely roll over in the closet floor on his own.

Thursday he had Jason come over, while I went to the grocery store, so he could get some more blow to counter the heroin symptoms and nodding off.

Friday he overdid it while freebasing and was convinced "Mexicans and midgets" were "after him" (a reoccurring theme, I would soon learn.)

And Saturday...

"Nikki, babe, c'mon. We're gonna miss our flight." I put in my second earring as he stands up from the couch, stumbling forward, and falling onto the carpet, spilling his drink all over himself. "Nikki!" I rush to his side to make sure he's okay, and he's not.

Despite being clear of physical ailments, his eyes tell it all. "Have you even slept?" I ask him, helping him sit up before sitting on my knees in front of him.

He doesn't answer and I sigh, closing my eyes.

"Do you just not want to go her funeral, Nikki?"

"I'm gonna be fucked up, I'm gonna have to face my family, my mother...and I'm gonna have to accept the fact she's dead." He admits bitterly, angry at himself for not pulling his shit together in time but also angry at the fact she's gone in the first place. "It isn't fair. You know how many people--disgusting people--deserve to be dead? I can name five or six just off the top of my head alone, Viv. But do those people die? No. The people who deserve to live the most, the people who love their lives and don't take it for granted are always the ones that get the fucking short end of the stick." His eyes get teary and I just listen. "I--" His voice cracks, his teeth baring together for a second as he regains himself. "I should be dead. Not her. Not Nona."

I try not to overreact, mustering up the words of comfort my dad use to tell me when someone in our family passed away.

"Nikki, who lives and dies isn't suppose to be in our hands. And it's not unless we just decide to end our lives prematurely." I start, taking his hand in the both of mine. "You can't think that way because the plan God has for you and the plan he had for her are two completely different things. And you're still alive because you aren't done with what he has for you, yet. Nona's work down here is finished. Your's isn't. So don't think this is all for nothing because I promise you, it's not."

He doesn't even sneer at the word "God" this time.

"If there even is a God the only thing he has planned for me is to send me straight to hell." He states coldly, his tears drying.

A sick feeling of nausea rises in my throat at his words and I force myself to calm down before calling Tom to tell him we won't make it.

We watched Gilligan's Island the remainder of the day, while Nikki shot coke when I'd get up to use the bathroom.

And then Saturday night came.

"Thank you." I say to Tansy as she helps me get the last of my stuff out of my car.

I just got back from meeting Duff at their rehearsal space to get the last few things I left at their apartment. "How was the meeting?" I ask her, pertaining to the very reason she had to fly back to New York.

She gets quiet for a second before faking a smile the best she can.

"They did some test shots and are sending them to the magazine for review and they'll let me know if I got the job." She tells me.

"They called you, did they not?"

"Yeah, they did, but since it's been over a year since I was last photographed, they wanna see what they're working with." She explains and I raise a brow, getting a bad feeling as we walk to the front door of my house.

"Tansy, you can know you can talk to any of us if something's not right, right?" I remind her and she nods.

"If something weren't right I'd tell you." She assures me. "I'm just going through some stuff. It doesn't have anything to do with work."

"Tansy--"

"--Viv, I'm okay." She states, looking at me with a weak smile. "Now, go get ready so we can go out with the guys, and bombard them with album ideas because 'Theater of Pain' was not what it needed to be and we're gonna help them avoid mistakes like that again." She sighs out as I open the front door, chuckling.

I step in to the living room, about to head to our bedroom to get ready, but I'm caught off guard by Sparkie talking to a woman I've seen before.

Then I recognize her in a split second.

The raven hair, the smooth, darker skin, perfectly proportioned features and contagious smile.

Her brown eyes catch on me, her face shifts into an oddly joyous expression and she's standing up to greet me.

"How are you?!" She asks me excitedly, knowing who I am because of that night on the balcony in Tansy's New York apartment.

Tansy's expression let's me know she wasnt expecting to see her here.

Which means...

"Nikki invited me out with you guys since he knew I was friends with Tansalyn and she was gonna be back in L.A." She states, probably reading my confused look.

"Nikki?" I ask, raising a brow.

She blinks at me, unsure of something before saying:

"Well, y-you remember me, don't you, we've met before? I'm Vanity."

[nicoforlifetrue]

Summery:Dee Roman and Remus practicing a dead religion has some hiccups when it comes to history

Notices:

none of these are in any real timeline yet!

Yes the other sides are here

More then one person wrote this

There is a prologue! Read it here

The History Class Incident-

History was taught by Professor Thomas Sanders, he was a bright, cheery guy who never called Remus out for the 'juice' in his water bottle. He was a great guy by the standards of the three. That is, until the mythology course started. 

You see; Roman, Remus, and Dee hadn't yet told their roommates why they burned their food or why Remus was always inebriated or high. They hadn't said why Roman was so focused on appearance or why Dee's knee jerk reaction was to lie. Because all that was normal to them. It was how the three followed their respective patrons. But after the first day of mythology, the boys dragged their roommates out to meet the people they grew up with and rage over the inaccuracies of the course; expecting said roommates to rage with them. 

Dee had talked Virgil into going the entire way to the little coffee shop a friend of theirs worked at. The college student was seething the whole way there; you see the first unit in the course was Norse mythology and dear Professor Sanders had called Loki, his patron, the main villain of all things! Now Virgil, the good but anxiety ridden person he was, finally asked Dee what was wrong about halfway to the coffee shop. "Dude, what's your deal? Why are you so pissed?"

Dee sighed at that, rubbing his face before he stated, "You sat next to me in history; I know you heard what the professor said. He insulted the gods themselves and insinuated that Loki was a villain! That's why I'm pissed; he's a disrespectful cunt!"

Virgil laughed. "Dude, chill; he's just talking about an old religion. Like, sure, Loki is a cool superhero, but he's still pretty crazy in the myths."

Dee leveled his gaze at Virgil upon hearing that; disbelief written across his features. "Are you fucking with me? Please say you are; ‘cause if you aren't, I might have to kill you."

Virgil raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Oh really? Why are you taking it so seriously?"

"How are you not?" Dee snapped back before he sighed, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry I just- good gods and goddesses he called Loki a character, flattened his story's into two dimensional cluster fucks, left out all of the good Loki did; and all around disrespected him; thus disrespecting me and all other wards of Loki! I have no idea who your patron is but imagine if that happened to them. It physically sickens me just remembering that 'lesson', ugh."

"Wait wait wait," Virgil said, putting two and two together. "You take mythology seriously? Like it's actually your religion?"

Dee gave him a look. "Stop calling it a mythology and what; you don't? I always thought you followed Hades or Nyx," he hummed. "I grew up learning about the gods and goddesses, yes."

"Oh that's cool, I didn't know anyone still believed in that religion. I've no clue who my patron would be though," he said, laughing a bit.

"You don't?" Dee questioned before pausing and humming. "That actually explains some things…. But he's still a fucking cunt."

Roman, on the other hand, felt more betrayed; though not quite nearly as much as when he had watched Hercules. He knew what Loki meant to Dee, and to hear such a grossly incorrect retelling of the gods stories? It was devastating. And to hear not just that, but Loki being reduced to his greatest mistake and flattened into an evil villain? He was brokenhearted at the fact that his favorite teacher could be so ignorant and brash, to the point of calling Loki a character! Now Logan, despite his ineptitude with emotions could tell the class had upset Roman. So as at least a good acquaintance of the man he felt obligated to ask what was wrong.

"Roman? Why were you feeling upset in class?"

"How could I not be?!" he responded, throwing his hands up. "The professor grossly distorted one of Loki's stories and refused to tell any others! Instead he just honed in on his greatest mistake and made Loki seem like a Disney villain!” 

“I still don't see why you are getting angry over a retelling of a simple character's story."

Roman’s gaze flattened at that. 

Staring at his roommate angrily, "Logan. You did not just call Loki, the trickster God of Asgard, a character from some fictional work. If you did, may the gods and goddesses help you when Dee finds out."

"Gods and Goddesses are not real, they are simply imaginary characters people created to explain the causes of natural phenomena, they are useless now that we can define the world with science."

Roman stared at him dumbfounded. "Logan, my friend, blessed by Athena, unless you wish to end up being mauled by my brother; I suggest you change that perspective before he runs out of wine. And perhaps pay more respect to those higher than us mere mortals." 

Logan sighs. "You will not understand that one cannot praise something that is just a fictional character, so I will end this pointless conversation."

Roman rolled his eyes at that. "You’re going to be punished for ignoring the gods, you know."

And the last pair was Remus and Patton. Patton wasn't a fan of Remus, the only reason he was coming along was so the drunk didn't hurt himself.

 

"I just can't believe the guy!" 

"What?" 

"What do you mean, ‘what?’ He shit-talked the gods!" Remus huffed, well more like pouted. That statement basically ended the conversation.

The door to the cafe slammed open, an angry Dee storming in and over to their table. The other four were already there as Virgil trailed behind him. He slammed his palms against the table staring down at the wood, eyes full of fire.

"Fuck Professor Sanders."

Roman and Remus made noises of agreement as Dee sat down. "Who does he think he is! I mean, he's so clearly biased against trickster gods. Holy fucking Underworld!"

Roman nodded in agreement aggressively, and Remus kinda hummed as he took another sip of his drink. 

"I do not understand why you three are getting so riled up about what Professor Sanders said, he was merely telling the story of a mythological character." Logan said, monotone.

All three looked at him askance. "Because he retold it incorrectly, and refused to share any stories that would make my patron seem like he wasn't a complete shithead," Dee snapped; Roman frowning and Remus giggling drunkenly.

 

"Your 'patron' is a complete shithead, as you say, he wasn't a good person at all."

Dee stared at him at that "I'm sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did you, one, put air quotes around the word patron and then secondly, follow it up by calling my patron a villain?" His voice was cold and dead serious, angry to the point of pulling a Remus and ripping the next person who insulted Loki to shreds.

"Yes, I was speaking clearly, so unless you are deaf; you heard me correctly. Secondly, I did not call him a villian; you called him that."

Dee took a breath, then sighed. "Logan, you dumb fuck. How has Athena blessed you?" he stated, mostly to himself. "Ok, here. Think of it this way. Let's say someone explains something as simple as the water cycle in a grossly incorrect manner. Wouldn’t you be pissed?" 

"I would fix their falsehood and move on. Yes I would be mad, but I would be right and they would be wrong."

"Now think of it like that, but it’s fucking stuck with me because I was also personally insulted with this falsehood. It would be like someone explaining how colors work to you as if you’re five; but they do it so very incorrectly. That's why I'm pissed off, get it?"

"Yes, I'm now partly understanding, but how were you insulted by this 'falsehood'?"

"’Cause it's also a fundamental part of who I am," Dee responded blandly. "Loki being my patron shaped who I am today; and what I present and act like, being Loki's ward, has made me who I am. And to insult him? It's a personal attack on who I am as a person, as well as an attack on someone who I hold higher than myself." 

Logan places his hands on the table. "So let me get this straight, you hold Loki in the same esteem that, say, a Christian would hold God?"

"Kinda; unlike Christianity though my patron, though unlikely, might change. I don't know how but it can happen. But basically, yeah." 

Logan nods. "And Roman and Remus are the same?" 

"Different patrons, but yeah." Roman chimed in, Dee nodding.

"Big ego, loves his own appearance; Roman is your patron Aphrodite?" Logan asks.

"Got it in one, Teach!" 

"Teach?" Logan says confusedly. 

"You act like a teacher. So, Teach." Roman responded with a smirk; Dee chuckling, Remus watching him with his loopy tipsy-but-not-quite-drunk grin. 

"Thank you for explaining, Princey." Logan says holding back a smile

"Ooo! I like that one," Roman hummed; Remus's face scrunched up before he grinned.

"Can I be Dukey then?" Logan ignores that. 

Virgil, who had previously been quiet, snickered. "Sure, why not?"

Dee sighed, relaxing.

"Now I'm worried about what he'll do to the rest of our patrons, especially Aphrodite." Roman shook his head. "I might just file a complaint, at this rate."

"I mean, Aphrodite was a little bipolar in the stories. And no, Roman, I'm not insulting her." Logan said, trying to stop Roman from getting mad.

"Good," Roman huffed; Remus giggling again.

"Yeah, but with what the professor did to Loki; he'll turn her from bipolar to outright batshit crazy."

"Yeah; that's my job!" Remus cheered. 

"Wait, drunkenness, insanity…is your patron Dionysus?" Logan said.

"Bingo!" Remus responded.

"You could just offer to teach things the right way around, since you have first hand experience with the stories," Virgil offered calmly.

"They could; but wouldn't that be taken as slander to Professor Sanders’ teaching?" Logan said, pulling a Rubix cube out of his pocket.

"Yeah, most likely not worth the risk," Dee hummed with a sigh. "We'll just have to grit our teeth, and hope he doesn't damn us all by insulting the gods and goddesses too badly..."

"Yeah, oh! Why do you have the snake tattoo, Dee?"

Dee raised an eyebrow. "I like snakes, and they’re a sign of my patron; tattoos are also a sign of rebellion against higher ups, especially on the face and areas of high visibility, so..." he gestured at his tattoo. "I got one."

"We should get back to school."

"But we have the rest of the day off! Don't tell me you need to study that badly," Roman whined; Dee nodding.

"Nothing to stress over…"

"You can never be too behind on your work. Also, seeing how we have to do something about Loki, I would suggest you get it over and done with."

Dee groaned at that. "I'm going to put in the truth, not whatever nonsense the professor was spouting." 

That promptly started a 'discussion' on work ethics.

Enjoy that? Well join the discord to help make more or just to support it!

https://discord.gg/Pun4QBA

[avoidingadvice]

Sigh. So my sister called me yesterday to try to convince me to come home for Christmas. She tried to offer to come get me, but it's a 6 hour drive one way and she expected me to come without my partner for some reason, which, no. And I have 3, soon to be 4, pets I have to deal with, it's not a good time for me to leave for a couple days. Before my parents got a last minute kijiji puppy I had suggested to my mother that they get a hotel room up here and come up here for Christmas this year instead, but her reasoning for saying no to that was that she doesn't like hotel rooms. That was it. So ouch.

I told my sister I also just didn't WANT to come down for Christmas because mum and dad treat me like garbage and all 3 of them forgot my birthday this year and I was still angry about that. The only excuses I got at the time were "things are busy here" and some really pathetic and forced apologies. My sister expanded on their excuses instead of acknowledging that I was hurt and saying sorry.

She tried to tell me I should tell mum how I feel, but I told her that every other time I've done that she's turned it around on me and made me into the bad guy and guilted me about it because she refuses to accept that she's been less than perfect to me. My sister then asked me to give her an example of when this has happened, which first of all I don't need to fucking give her an example???? What the fuck? She can't take my word for it? Like as if I'm making it up. Okay, so then the example I gave was 10 years ago when I had a huge blow up with my parents because I posted on fb to friends only about how I felt that the treatment I'd received from my parents growing up was abusive. I was venting in what i thought was a safe space. I didn't have anywhere else to turn. My cousin showed it to her dad, who is an asshole and hates my parents, and he cornered them in the grocery store parking lot and showed them the post. This turned into a fight because my mother called me a liar and said I was making things up and that I had done it on purpose to hurt her and how dare I say such awful things. None of what I posted about was a lie, it was all true and things that had actually happened. I wasn't pulling a bunch of BS out of my ass. So anyway, they made me delete it, my mother guilted me and cried and screamed and threw a massive tantrum over it. The entire ordeal lead me to just stop trusting literally everyone. I started to shut my parents out more than I already did, I shut all my cousins out (also my cousin defended what she did and said she was worried about me and didn't apologize for aggravating my literal abusers and making it worse), I couldn't even feel safe talking to my friends at all. My mother effectively taught me to bottle up my feelings and negative emotions because everyone else's feelings are more important than mine.

And my sister more or less confirmed this on the phone because she kept saying I shouldn't have posted it online like that. On my own Facebook profile. NOT publicly. In a space I had absolutely no reason to believe wasn't safe. She told me I should have spoken privately with one person about it. I didn't have a person to go to. That's why I posted it the way I did and I stand by my position that I was not wrong to do so when I thought it was a safe space.

Then while she was on the phone with me and I was getting increasingly pissed at her I could hear a man in the background. I asked her who it was and she said it was her friend. He was apparently offering to speak to me. Like excuse me??? He has no fucking business inserting himself into a situation he knows nothing about. He's some random fucking guy I don't know? Get fucked. I was so mad. I ended up hanging up on her.

I then wrote up a very long text to her. I started by saying sorry for yelling, that wasn't kind. Then I went into detail about why I don't believe I'm in the wrong and that I didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me about everything and that it hurts to know they don't care that they missed my birthday and that it hurt me. I told her if they want a relationship with me they need to give a fuck about me as an individual and stop treating me like a disappointment.

She never replied and I don't think she will. I don't think I'll be hearing from any of them for a while. I think I'm done. I think I'm ready to cut them out of my life. My sister proved to me yesterday that the 3 of them don't care about me and it's only about them. It's always only ever been about them.

I'm going to legally change my name and I'm going to cut all ties with my entire family. I'm done.