#sorry I keep posting caps from the same clip lol

[jazzandpizazz]

[howtosingit]

I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too. 

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think). 

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year. 

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that. 

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND 

BOYFRIEND

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care. 

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point. 

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show. 

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10. 

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them. 

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode. 

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scarlettswxtch]

HEARTBREAK HOTEL

Pairing: Bucky x Reader / Steve x Reader

Description: Set in post-civil-war. The Avengers have been back together for a while now, you return to the compound after Tony asks for your help on a mission. After months of being MIA, you haven’t seen your team in a while and two certain super soldiers are who you’re dreading to see most.

Prompt: “After everything I’ve done for you!�� / “That I didn’t ask for!”

Word count: 4,979 (omg)

Warning: ANGST ANGST ANGST™️, all my fics are intended for 18+ readers

A/N: Firstly, Whew! This was the first ever angsty fic AND I've ever written and damn if I didn’t cry a bit. I kinda like how it went so...I may make this a mini-series? Let me know what you guys think and I’ll get to it. Secondly, I such at summaries so I’m v sorry lol.

This is for @moonbeambucky’s 5k writing challenge!! The prompt is above :) again, congrats on your milestone Tara, darling ❤️ and thank you for letting me participate, it was super fun to explore the angsty side of fanfiction with that lil prompt :))) I know it’s from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend which is a comedy show but, I felt like writing something a little dark and sad hehe, hope you don’t mind + i hope you enjoy it ✨

Also a side note - I got my info about Aleksander Lukin from here if anyone’s wondering.

˜”*°•.˜”*°• Listen for the full experience •°*”˜.•°*”˜

Song(s): Rebekah - Jack Vallier for Bucky x Reader / Girlfriends - The Academic for Steve x Reader

Softly splashing water droplets hit the car windows as you were driven onwards. The skies are overhung with a blanket of grey, so much so that you can barely tell the difference between the sky and clouds. Despite car rides feeling tedious, the rain is commonly calming - you watch raindrops race down to the windows. The occasional wave of a puddle can be exciting, but right now you’d rather be outside in those puddles than stuck in this car.

It was almost midnight, Tony had called you 5 hours ago, pleading. His voice unusually tired - worn, even. As if he’d been yelling for hours. The team needed your help for a mission and you went despite the circumstances - greater good and everything. Your eyes closed over.

“Honey, come on...it’s - we can’t do this without you” Tony was using his soft voice. Tony never used his soft voice unless it was serious. You heard the helpless plea behind his voice and you faltered.

“Is he there?”

“Who?”

“You know who Tony” you clipped, impatient. You knew he would be, but you needed to hear it. This was pathetic and your heart sped.

“He is...but we can arrange-“

You cut him off. “No. Send a car for me, I’ll be there.” And with that, you cut the line off.

The car came to a sudden stop and your eyes fluttered open. “Is here ok, Miss?” The driver asked.

“Here’s fine, thank you” normally, you’d accompany your gratitude with a smile. But, not tonight.

It was still raining as you stepped out of the car. You didn’t want to move, despite the feeling the rain soak your hair, clothes, shoes. The sunset was long gone, leaving only a starless sky. Puffs of grey cloud had swooped into the air like an armed patrol and had surrounded the moon from all sides. There was nothing more that it could do but sit and wait for itself to be completely engulfed by its attackers, you couldn’t help but relate to that. The compound loomed before you and you wondered what level of hell you were in.

“Kid! What the hell? Are you trying to get sick?”

Tony appeared in front of you, snapping you out of whatever daydream you were in. His arms encircled you and you found the strength to hug him back.

“Cmon, let's get inside before we both freeze,” he says, all gentle as he guides you to the hall. He has both his hands on your shoulder, watching you with carefully. His face flickered with something joyless. “Teams missed you, honey.”

A soft, pained smile took over your features and you squeezed Tony’s hand despite yourself “I’ve missed them too,”

That unspoken question lingered in the air ‘Why won’t you come back?’ ‘What can I do to make it better?’. You hadn’t seen most of them in months, except Natasha and Wanda. They were your girls. They weren’t simply good friends, they have become part of your soul. When life became a storm they were the boat that kept the briny water from entering your lungs. They were love when you needed it and you thanked them with all that you were. Yet the storm wasn’t over; the winds raged, seeking to crush what was left of you.

You cleared your throat. “Let’s not keep them waiting then,” you said, uncharacteristically cheery. Tony saw through it but he said nothing.

You began walking, eyes flickering from wall to wall. This compound that was once your home felt like nothing but a stranger to you. You felt tears prick at your eyes and you blamed them on the vases of blossoms which gave off a cloying scent that made your eyes itch. Denial is a great thing.

“Ladies first,” Tony said as the elevator doors opened. You stepped inside despite your body screaming for you to flee. Tony grabbed your hand, you hadn’t realised you were trembling so much. You looked at him in silent gratitude as he drew small circles against your wrist, calming you as each second passed. The tough girl act never did convince him.

~~

It was shortly after the battle between Cap and Tony. You were certain Stark would never forgive you for siding with Steve. Yet, you were surprised to find out how he’s done everything he could to keep you off the files, keep you off Ross’ radar. Nobody would ever know you were part of the whole thing. For all they knew, you had been helping Pepper with overseas business in Australia, oblivious to the circumstances back home.

Your heart swelled when you found out. Tony was like a father to you, always had been. That’s why it broke your heart to fight against him. He knew it was for love, so he forgave you for your blatant naivety. His little girl, “Always so easily fooled,” He had told you as you stood at his doorstep, eyes brimming with tears as you told him everything, told him how he was insufferably right from the beginning.

“You want me to kick his ass?”

You shook your head, “I just wanna come home”

He took you in as if you’d never left.

~~

The elevator doors opened and you stepped into the conference room, eyes downcast - too afraid to see your friends. You could feel every pair of eyes watching you, glued to you. Your eyes shot up and your gaze instantly connected with the man sitting at the head of the table, all beautiful and strong like he’d always been. His eyes were the ocean, so full of life yet so uncertain. You remembered how his blue-green hue carried his emotional currents, before you could breathe you would always drown. Except this time they were blank, the warmth they once radiated replaced with betrayal and hurt - your heart clenched. Oh, Stevie. God, you wondered if he’d ever forgive you for disappearing like that.

You wanted nothing more than to run to him, have him scream bloody murder at you as you wrap your arms around him - pouring out those words that perpetually lingered in your mind, forever unsaid: “It's been forever and many days since we last spoke; I'm sorry. In this time we have become new people, yet at our core we are truly the same. In all honesty, I need the asylum version of friendship more than I need air, water or food. I need to be sheltered and nurtured until my shattered soul has repaired enough to function and give love into the world. I love you either way, yet I am asking with my heart in your hands, if you will be the harbour in this storm that has come to my shores.”

He looked away from you, jaw clenched. The room was unbearably quiet and you dared not look towards the icy blue gaze which pinned you down, his features working with a dilemma of his own.

You realised the room only had half the team. Nat, Wanda, Sam and Clint were missing. That left the room with Steve, Tony, Vision...and Bucky. Tony must’ve sensed your confusion because he filled you in seconds later, “We sent a team out to check a HYDRA base in Rio. They’ll be back tomorrow morning”. Great. Just your luck. You had hoped at least Sam would be around. Sam was the perfect friend and he would at least be able to distract you.

You nodded and took your usual seat near Steve. You could see him tense, clearly uncertain about your proximity.

“It’s nice to have you back,” says Vision from across the table and you smile at him warmly in thanks. Bucky was beside him and you could feel his gaze on you- you could feel it from the moment you stepped in the room and how it hasn’t left you since. You didn’t look at him. Fucking hell, the room couldn’t feel tenser if it tried.

Tony clapped loudly to get everyone’s attention “Alright kids, here’s the deal”, he begins, a small remote in his hand as the projector flicks to an image of a man in his middle 40s. You hear an intake of breath from Steve and Bucky’s metal arm shift in what you could only guess was surprise and discomfort. “Cap and Tinman should be pretty familiar with this guy,” Tony says. You studied the screen - he was attractive for his age, to say the least. Salt and pepper hair, dark blue eyes and olive skin now slightly wrinkled with old age.

“Aleksander Lukin, owner of Kronas Corporation, born in the Soviet village of Kronas some time in the 1930’s” Tony continues and you frown.

“1930s?” You asked, “Wouldn’t that make him-“

“89? Yeah, it would. We can only guess his slow ageing is a product of HYDRA’s serum experimentation. Lukin's village was used by the Red Skull as a base of operations during the Second World War. Soviet troops attempted to retake the town, Rodgers assisted them but Lukin's mother was killed in the course of battle.”

Tony flicks to the next image “Vasily Karpov, took Lukin under his wing. We sent Romanoff out to Russia to investigate further after Karpov was killed. Turns out Lukin was left in custody of a large cache of special projects developed over the decades, including the Winter Soldier.” You saw Bucky clench his jaw from the side of your eye. Your instincts wanted nothing more than to reach over and comfort him, but you remained still.

“He sold some of these devices to the highest bidders to raise funds. Some of those weapons went to A.I.M, which was taken town 3 years ago, courtesy of yours truly. Lukin has been under the radar until a few days ago when we got some intel that he’d got his hands on the reality-altering cosmic cube.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y take the wheel,” Tony said, and the projection of the cube appeared. It was small and somehow looked like it was made of glass and marble.

F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice took over the room. “The Cosmic Cube is thought to originate from space. It seems that it is a living being in embryonic form. It contains its own consciousness, seemingly patterning after the consciousness of an unknown being.“

“Thank you darling” Tony tells F.R.I.D.A.Y as he points at the projection “That’s what we’re looking for”

“The entire time we knew the Red Skull all he wanted with that cube was to rule the world. Wouldn’t put it past Lukin to want the same” You heard Steve say - he was using his serious ‘Captain America’ voice “It is absolutely imperative we get it off him” he finishes and your eyes lift to Tony.

“What’s the plan?”

“You are,” He said and you lifted a brow. “Luckily for us, Lukin has a soft spot for gorgeous women. It’s absolutely essential you distract him by whatever means necessary,”

You pursed your lips “Why didn’t you get Natasha to do this?”

“Natasha’s high profile, ever since the whole Accords thing, everyone knows her face.”

You nodded and Tony continued. “This is a highly sensitive undercover mission. We got some information a few days ago about a gala being held in honour of Lukin, to celebrate the firms ‘biggest milestone yet’. We can only guess they mean the Cube.”

Tony turns, flickering the screen once more as an aerial view of an incredible large castle comes into frame “Gala’s being held at one of Lukin’s residences. I had F.R.I.D.A.Y do a scan of the building and turns out there’s an underground facility. Heavily guarded, heavily supervised.”

Tony throws Lukin’s mission file at you “Learn that like your life depends on it. We can’t have any slip ups” you nodded, slightly offended. You were one of the best master spies in the game. You and Nat were absolutely unstoppable together. There was nothing you weren’t good at; martial arts, acrobatics, expert marksman, hacker, interrogator, pilot - were all in your resume. Nick Fury wouldn’t just hire an idiot.

“I assume this isn’t a one-woman mission?”

“No. We wouldn’t just send you there alone,” Steve said.

Tony’s lips pursed “Tinman and Steve will accompany you to the gala” Fuck, you cursed inwardly. Nothing could be worse than that information. “Nat and I will be on coms back at the Quinjet in case you need backup.”

Tony waved his band at you and Bucky “I know things haven’t been peachy between the two of you but it’s important you don’t let emotions get mixed up in this. So, sort it out soon so you don’t fuck up the mission.” You bit the inside of your cheek in anxiety, feeling Bucky’s eyes on you as you stared into the distance, sparing neither of them a glance. Steve twitched in his chair, and you wish he’d reach out and touch you - ease your distress and tell you everything would be ok because he’d be right here. Like he used to. But he remained still, not like you deserved it anyway. You knew this moment was coming but, you had hoped with every ounce of your being that it wouldn’t. Fun fact, kids: deflecting does nothing but postpone the inevitable.

“Alright. Class dismissed” Tony said and with that, you grabbed your file, shot up from the chair and left the conference room faster than lightning.

This is how it goes: everyone’s got a bone to pick. You had one to pick with yourself when you decided to fall for James Barnes. Falling was definitely the easy part. Yes, it was like bliss - sometimes, you wanted to reach up and grab onto something to stop yourself from plummeting but, you grasped thinning oxygen instead. Now you’re left here, half dead. When it is your love that kills you, no destruction is more laughably ironic than that of the self.

You remember the moment he broke you - your skin lit with righteous fury and you wondered if this was your punishment for loving someone more broken than you were. You remember how you used to lie beneath him in bed, or how he’d simply look at you from across the room - those icy blue eyes full of tenderness yet so void. You knew he’d break you, yet you loved him anyway. Your mother always told you how you could never love someone unless you love yourself first. Total bullshit. You’ve never loved yourself, not really - but him? Jesus, you loved him so much you forgot what hating yourself felt like.

It was almost 2am now as you stood outside the compound’s balcony. The rain had stopped and left wet puddles along the glass floor - you were barefoot and a cigarette was lit between your lips. You tilt your head, gazing upward, eyes more open than they can be in the fullness of day, not looking at one star, yet somehow seeing them all at once.

“Doll?” You hear from behind you. You didn’t jump at the intrusion in your quietness because it was expected. You said nothing, your back was turned to him and you continued to stare into the abyss of the dark landscape beyond the compound. The sound of his boots was accompanied by tiny splashes of rain puddles as he made his way towards you.

“Look at me,” he said - Bucky’s voice was rough yet velvety at the same time - you wondered how someone could sound like they could kill you and offer your body the most gentle touch at the same time. Your head involuntarily moved, your eyes meeting his after many months and you blinked. Even in the darkness, his eyes were seriously blue. Almost sickeningly blue - full-on Prince Charming, field of cornflower, perfect, cloudless sky blue. Someone should name a crayon after the guy.

You blew smoke out of your lips, lifting a brow in question mostly because you had no words to say.

There was a half-empty ache in your soul as Bucky watched you, his mouth dry as he watched you move. He wondered what it would be like to kiss you again, your blossom-soft lips sweet on his, always glistening with madness and love-sick desire. The memory was almost enough to make him smile. He knew you only smoked when you were anxious, stressed, unsure of what to do with yourself. He’d always find you right here, looking at nothing as you contemplated everything. He missed that, just finding you in places even when he wasn’t looking. Bucky reaches over and tenderly plucks the cigarette from between your lips, crushing it with his foot. You looked at him with cheeks stained with tears you didn’t even realise were there. His heart breaks a little and he can’t help but think he’s too late and you’ve lost your way and all that remains is you and him and this hopeless tragedy all lovers leave behind.

“Sweetheart I...” he began, his hand reaching for your face as if touching you could wipe away all the pain and make it all okay again. It probably could, your mind said and you hated yourself for that.

You flinched away from him as if he were hot scorching fire and he dropped his hand “No Bucky. Don’t fucking touch me,” you spat. You were angry. Angry because being angry was better than tears, grief or guilt. You gripped the balcony railing tightly with one hand despite the fact that your palm was sore and burned. Your nails dug deep into your other hand, almost enough to draw blood. A tear rolled onto your cheek, but you didn't care; you had to stay focused. “I don’t think we have anything to say to each other”

“Really? Cause the way you’re acting right now tells me somethin’ else doll,” he stepped closer to you “We need to talk it out.”

“The way I’m acting?” You scoffed “What exactly were you expecting? Did you want me to throw myself in your arms, kiss like you never did a thing?” you closed the space between you and looked at him like he was venom “I don’t know about you baby,” the last word came out like poison and Bucky’s jaw clenched “but I don’t think I can ever do that again”

No, you certainly couldn’t. You convinced yourself you couldn’t -, especially after everything.

~~

It hit your hard when he did it. His words like nails and hammers breaking your heart apart. You had been on the run with him, Sam and Steve for months. The first day didn't even feel real. A nightmare come true, maybe. You found yourself waiting to wake up. But that never happened. You cried and cried to Sam, told him you needed to go home and he helped you readily. Your Sammy, he was always so sweet, a big joker who did everything for you without question. He got you to the airport, saying nothing to Steve and Bucky. He protested at first, uncomfortable with the idea but you knew Steve would try to convince you to stay, make things work. He’d probably be able to - you always did have a soft spot for those baby blues.

When you arrived at Tony’s doorstep, he was there for you but you never felt so alone. Completely, utterly alone, without him to comfort you. A million questions rushed to your head: “Who will wipe away my tears now? Who will hold my hand? Who will surprise me with hugs from behind? Who will tell me they love me and call me beautiful?” Not him. Not anyone anymore. You now lacked that someone who had been with me for over a year. That same someone who promised you a forever only to leave when things became too hard. And now he’s gone. Gone like the ink leaving pen. Soon enough he’ll forget about you.

You wanted to call him, ask him: “Did you cry at all? Did it hurt you at all... when you said you weren't happy anymore? When you said you didn't love me anymore? You let me buy you food. You let me drive you home. You let me love you that night. The night before it all. You kissed me that night. You told me you loved me that night. Did you lie? Or were your feelings able to fade so quickly? You're a coward. A coward that I should hate. I should hate you. I should be angry with you, but I can't. I'm worried for you... I wish the best for you. I just want you to have happiness again, even if that means I have to sacrifice my own. I would have done anything for you, you know? I loved you. I wanted to be the very best for you. I was the very best for you, but my best wasn't ever enough to satisfy you was it? Maybe that's what hurts the most.”

~~

You clenched your jaw, your nails digging deeper into your palm as if to focus the pain elsewhere “Some days I can’t stop thinking about you, other days I wonder why I’m wasting my time”

Bucky sighed, his hands running over his face in exasperation “I didn’t ask you to throw yourself in like that. I didn’t want any of it. I didn’t fucking ask you for any of it”

You shook your head in utter disbelief and wondered if he was truly this oblivious “You don’t ask for love Bucky! What the fuck is wrong with you? It doesn’t work like that, it’s give and take with no questions asked. Even a bloody wall would know that”

“I wasn’t built like that and you know it”

You scoff, “you had a life before you became who you are now, surely you remember how it feels like to love and be loved”

His eyes darken “Sorry to disappoint you, sugar, but loves pretty alien to me. I never asked for any of yours”

Your eyes and tone turn bitter and sad: “I gave you all and you gave me shit!” He shrugged as if that meant nothing to him and your eyes sprouted tears which fled unchecked “After everything I’ve done for you!”

“That I didn’t ask for!” he shouts, wanting nothing more than to flee from this conversation. Ironic, since he started it.

Your voice was quiet next, controlled even - almost threatening “You’re a fucking idiot. You never could stand being blamed for something you’ve done wrong, could you?”

“I didn’t do shit.” He growled, “I told you the deal and you stayed with me anyway, your pain is your fucking problem,”

That was the breaking point of your patience. At that moment, you were blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, yet surprisingly satisfying. You reached out and punched him in the face. Your voice rose above the sacred silence as you spluttered words your own mind didn’t register. You went to attack him again but he held you down, pinning your arms behind your back, your face now dangerously close to his. When he looked down at you there was no trace of emotion, not in his eyes or in marks on his reddening face. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. In that moment you knew he was already far away. Once more you were the enemy. These swings from most loved to most hated would be the end of you. His temper had no greyscale, only the polar extremes existed. You drew in a deep breath, the burning hard stare would last only as long as it took him to think of the most brutally cutting thing he could tear you down with.

His face brightened, just a tone lighter than your own crimson. “I didn’t ask for any of it” he spat. “I told you to stay, didn’t I? Do you not remember me asking you not to get involved?” his hands tightened over your wrists, hurting now but you didn’t show. You wanted him to hurt you, maybe it’d make you hate him better. “But no, you had to fucking follow me to Bucharest. Do you have any idea how exhausting it was to be with someone so fucking needy? No wonder I left you” ah, there it was. So much damage was done when Bucky argued. Every mean thing he'd thought but knew better than to say came flooding out. When he saw hurt in his opponent's eyes he never backed off, only dug deeper, like a hunter at the first sign of blood. Even if it was you.

“This right here, all these emotions? I can’t deal with you, I didn’t want any of this shit. You knew it was too much for me,” your eyes shifted to the side and became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. As you blinked, they dripped from your eyelids and slid down your cheeks. You bit your lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from your mouth and his heart sank. His eyes turned apologetic and his mouth began to form words you cut off as you ripped yourself from his grasp.

Your lower lip quivered and words slowly made their way out of your mouth. “You know what’s funny? I can’t even hate you right now. Not even a little bit and that fucking enrages me.” Your veins were full of ice-water now, yet they boiled fervently. You dashed inside, too quick for him to grab you - promising yourself to kill that part of you where he once belonged.

He knew he should’ve gone after you, say sorry and how he meant none of it. A part of you hoped he would. Instead, Bucky stood there silent and unmoving for what seemed like hours and finally, he understood why you liked looking into the darkness so much.

You stepped into the shower, toes flinching as they touched the chilled marble floor. Your mind was in shreds; you’d never get those words out of your mind.

Do you have any idea how exhausting it was to be with someone so fucking needy?

You turned the dial, new and metallic, releasing thousands of lukewarm drops, darkening your hair and trickling down your back. Your eyes fell closed over and over, each time showing you the words like photographs:

I can’t deal with you

I didn’t want any of this

Were you needy? Had you been too much? Sudden insecurity took over your body, reaching into to the depths of your mind to uncover every instance you showed him love and twisting it into something bad. He had asked you not to come, he had asked you to not get involved, stay behind and be with Pepper. He did. You should’ve listened. Maybe things would be better now if you had, maybe you’d still be together. But no, how could you have? You were a fool who loved him too much to let him do anything alone. You closed your eyes as if it hurt to look at things.

“Darlin?” you hear from the door, your eyes shooting open. It was Steve. You must’ve been quiet too long because he knocked again “Cmon I know you’re in there”

You took a deep breath, calming your nerves “Go away Steve, please” your throat felt tight and you surprised yourself with the calm, controlled coolness of your voice.

“I’m not leaving until you open up” You sighed in resignation, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower. You wrapped a white towel around your form, not caring about that puddles of water your hair was leaving behind.

You swung the door open and Steve stood before you - all righteous and handsome like he’d always been. God, you missed his face; you missed him, every atom of you missed him. "Are you okay?" he asks the question smoothly, the baritone of his voice reverberating through your bones. The low rumble of his voice is comforting despite everything.

“I’m fine”

“You don’t look fine,” he said, eyes roaming over your mascara stained face.

“Then stop looking”

“Cmon darlin’ he didn’t mean any of that. He loves you, I know it - everyone knows it”

You shook your head, scoffing “You can’t actually believe that? Did you hear what he said to me? Did he tell you?”

Steve looked at you apologetically “I heard”. Your lip began to quiver uncontrollably and Steve pulled you close, gently rubbing your arm. Despite the heaviness in your stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of your body pressed against his. You sink into the warmth of his chest, appreciative of the simple gesture. His touch made the room warmer somehow, your future within its walls seems a little less bleak.

“I’m sorry I left you,” you say, so quietly it was barely above a whisper. Steve pulled you closer, kissing the top of your forehead in what you assumed was forgiveness. “He doesn’t love me,” you said unconsciously, distractedly.

“Cmon sweetheart-“ he began but your head shook against his chest in defiance and he stopped speaking.

“I don’t think he knows how to love anything, Stevie,” you say and Steve’s jaw clenches. He pulls you closer and you wish you could melt into him. “Will you stay with me, please?” you ask and look up at him with eyes pleading; round with unspilled tears. I’m that moment he could’ve sworn there was nothing more lovely in the galaxy - angels would be fools not to damn themselves for you.

“Sure darlin’, anything,” he said without thinking and you slither your arms across his waist, pressing a small kiss on his chest.

“I really missed you, Stevie”

“Me too, doll” he replies, barely above a whisper.

You spent the rest of the night in Steve’s arms, warm and sweet and in this moment you felt like everything would be okay.

[iphoenixrising]

Dr!Tim Drabble: Robin

Well, Babes. You both must have fucking read my mind and shit because really. I kind of started this to be such a teaser when BOOP I got this ask and my fucking heart here. You’re right on the same page when it comes to Dr!Tim getting the real Robin experience, yeah? Lol. So, just a note. B’s bad guy persona is Matches. The dude with the epic porn ‘stache. Dick’s persona is Robbie Malone, which is pretty obscure and I looked it up on a good wiki to make sure.

HOWEVER *ahem* An incredible artist @kaciart did a thing here: http://thingsfortwwings.tumblr.com/post/55338349568/kaciart-it-was-never-made-clear-whether-tim-knew. Which helped the muse.

So… so there’s that. XD Hope it's as good.

**

The Robin in Gotham that night is just a little bit taller. Not by much. He's hesitant, a newbie to the vigilante game, and even if he's got a grapple on his belt, he only uses it once. Only a drunk or two catch him strafing across rooftops, the flicker of yellow, red, and green against the lamplight.

The rest of the city is asleep. As luck would have it, he stumbles on some baddies with a leg up on him, tossing a pellet in the right spot with knockout gas to make carrying him through the night that much easier. When Robin comes to, the blurry residual clears and behind the whiteouts, his vision is sharp. Being handcuffed in a crummy warehouse in the Narrows is not really the way he'd hoped to spend his first real experience in the tunic.

(And if he embarrasses the name, a certain little demon will probably eviscerate him.

"I allow you one night–"

"To my credit, I really thought those ninjas would go down easier."

"May I remind you–"

"I know, I know. It's not one of my hobbies. No more almost getting killed under your name, I promise.")

But a single dim bulb hangs with enough away to reveal the long, lean line of muscle still half in shadows watching him from behind whiteouts.

"Been a real pain in my nut, Robin." Is more dangerous behind the synths, more casual when the Red Hood, notorious enforcer for the Black Mask, straightens up and starts to move forward. "Gettin' in my fucking business means I gotta make an example outta ya, so’s no one else thinks they can stop the trade, you feel me?" Robin's eyes narrow but his pulse is picking up, his muscles tighten against the ropes.

“Or,” he tries with a bravado he doesn’t necessarily feel, “you could cut this chase short and let me take you in so you don’t make it worse for yourself.”

The sound is probably a snort but the synths make it hard to decipher.

“Mmhm, an’ any other damn day, ya might be right. But since I know the Bat is outta town, and the rest a’ yer little cape n’ cowl crew are busy, n’ yer own yer own, little birdy. Even fucking better, I got me an old friend in Gotham t’night, and I gotta say–” the way Hood moves, hips swaying, something of a swagger, all indications the vigilante has a plan, makes Robin catch a breath with what the hell else?

“Ya might be in over yer head.”

And oh God.

He’s in for it.

(Teasing his boyfriends can have some interesting results, so even with the plan they’d had for him tonight, there were so many things they hadn’t told him.)

Because the shift in the shadows and the crimson slash is just what the bad guy ordered, and the man coming out of the shadows to stand beside Hood is nothing short of mouth-wateringly dangerous– all done in sharp black and red.

Something in Robin’s abdomen goes unbearably tight when Renegade puts the intense focus of those whiteouts right on him, folds his arms over his chest, and his tongue darts out to lick his lips.

Even while he might be melting into a puddle of oh God, please, please, I’ve been a bad Robin, he can maneuver his hands well enough to get into the green gloves for the small lockpick set he’d completely kyped out of B’s utility belt the last time they’d had a little snatch n’ stitch. Since he’s completely used to working with fine instruments wearing gloves, working the small end into the handcuffs is easier than he’d originally calculated.

(So much win going on right now.)

“So nice to know you’ve got friends in town, Hood. I hope you have an itinerary to show him the sights. Robinson Park is really nice this time of year.” He tries to keep the banter, give himself time he needs to work the cuffs.

(Still, watching them walk toward him like a fucking bad ass wet dream is really making the night look up regardless of how things are going to go from here.)

“Too much mouth on ya, Robin,” and the flex of hips and thighs, the glint off the gun in Hood’s hand, the feral-looking smirk on Renegade’s face make him take a pause to work his fingers into the back of the utility belt, bite down on his lower lip to try and get–

Yes.

“Looks like we need to shut him up, Hood,” is Renegade’s deep response, that tone rolling around in the abandoned warehouse, makes a shiver work up his spine.

Which causes him to drop the pellet he’d been holding, the little ball rolling right under his chair.

Fuck. That’s bad.

He tries to think fast, using his weight to throw his chair back, out of the way of the little blast and following plumes of smoke. It’s really nothing more than dumb luck that the chair is probably older than all of them and pretty much breaks into kindling on impact.

It’s even luckier that the small blast is inconsequential but the smoke screen gives him the opportunity to wiggle enough to get his cuffed wrists down far enough to get his feet over them so at least his hands are bound in the front.

Rolling to his feet, he tries to duck away from the chair in the thick smoke, cape hitting him in the back of the ankles, and fucking right, he didn’t even lose the lockpick.

(“Damn. Good one, Baby Bird. Didn’t see that shit coming.”

“This is going to be much better than we thought, Jay.”

“Fuck right, Dickie, now we gedda chase.”

And with that little revelation, Robin is thinking, looking around at the high windows, making plans.)

He flips one of the few bat-a-rangs in his utility belt, awkwardly holding it up to throw with his bound hands. He manages throw far enough to knock it into an empty crate further down than where he’s hiding, but it draws the attention of the “baddies” coming through the dissipating smoke after him.

It does the job and he sees the outline of Hood and Renegade change course, closer to the sound.

“You’re only making it harder on yourself, Robin,” Renegade purrs low, his footsteps not even making a sound when he shares a side-eye with Hood and moves around to take the back for the element of surprise.

“When we catch ya,” Hood is cooing through the synths, popping the clip out of his .45 to make sure again he’s toting blanks (the one in his boot has the rubber rounds should things get dicey and they need ta make with the real crime fighting) before he circles around the smoky pile of old pallets and crates laying in dusty ruin, “we ain’t gonna be nice ‘bout it, you feel me, Robin? Gonna make ya one sorry lil’ bird.”

(But he totally hears, “gonna fuck ya until ya scream for it, Baby. Gonna make ya come ‘til ya can’t even stand up no more.”)

The handcuffs finally pop as the two bad guys jump in their planned strike, coming down on a whole lotta empty pallets with only a bat-a-rang there for them to stare at.

“Little motherfucker,” is all he needs to hear, shoving the handcuffs in his belt (in case he needs to have a plan) and pulling the grapple while his pulse throbs in his mouth and his adrenaline kicks up a notch. He’s got to shoot and reel himself in before they get to him, got to get out the upper windows and climb to the roof, got to at least get a few buildings over before they catch him.

(And he completely has a new appreciation for the reinforced jocks they wear under the suits because the things is literally killing him right now.)

The bang makes him flinch regardless, and with that, the jig is completely up. Two heads swivel toward the sound, trace the line up to the window sill where the hook sinks deep, and the shadow of the cape flares out like wings as the grapple pulls Robin from the ground and away.

“Fuck this is gettin’ good,” Hood breathes out, already pulling his own, watching the flex of Timmy’s thighs in those fucking tights and his ass outlined in Robin Red.

The window breaks with his momentum, and Robin pauses on the broken sill long enough to grin widely down at them, “I really need to be on my way, but we should do this again sometime!”

The cap flaps around the green tights and black boots as Robin scales the ancient fire escape and disappears out of sight.

Renegade puts a hand on his wrist, stills Hood from raising the grapple for the ole’ point-n-shoot. “Let him get a little bit of distance, Jay. He’s putting a hell of a lot into this.”

“Big Wing,” and even with the whiteouts on both sides, he knows how dark Dickies eyes are, is pretty sure his are just as dark. “ we’re gonna destroy that ass, you feel me?”

“You know we are. Damn, he looks cute in that suit.”

“Cute? Nah, ain’t where I’m at right now, yeah? Motherfucking sexy is ‘bout what I’m feelin’.”

“Fuckable, sure, but wow, he wears it so well.”

“Don’t tell Demon. That little shit won’t never let this happen again.”

“Right. We play it out with our boyfriend, fuck him on a safe rooftop, then take him home for a soak in the tub and cuddle-palooza.”

“You better fuckin’ add pancakes ta that list, Dickie. I like seein’ ‘im all full n’ sleepy after we fucked ‘im but good.”

“Done and done.”

In a smooth move, Hood raises the grapple again and loops his free arm around Renegade’s waist, pulling his Baby Boy right into his body.

The two vigilantes pause in the moment, and Renegade raises both hands quick, hits the right spot on the back of the helmet to release the catch, pulls the damn thing off so they can have just a second–

And anyone looking in the dilapidated warehouse down by Dixon Docks in that exact moment would be scandalized to see the Red Hood and Renegade writhing against one another, caught up in the taste of one another, just a tease before the grapple starts to reel.

**

Robin is panting with the effort, tries not to get tangled in his cape, tries to keep his eyes open to everything around him with the sharp vision he gets behind the whiteouts.

Luckily for him, he’s shaking off the residual of the sedative and this area of the city is one so absolutely familiar, he already knows he’s got an edge.

The same spots from those days when he was a kid with a camera, hiding while he followed the flying vigilantes are obviously still there, could still give him a place to duck if he thinks his pursuers are getting too close. If Dick and Jay had really been paying those old photographs in the shoebox enough attention, they’d probably be able to pick out the majority of his hidey-holes and make this game come to a quick and abrupt end (he’s hoping they don’t because he’s really, really enjoying this).

But, he’s already evaded them three times and he’s still too damn far from his apartment to believe he’s anywhere near home free.

Which is why he’s wasting time ducked down between two massive air conditioning units on the Mylar building instead of in Renegade and Hood’s path. A few feet away is an old bridge the maintenance crew used to get up to the next roof, giving him an out to use the grapple for a swing and give himself away.

He waits until the shadows recede and he can’t see either of them before he darts out and takes the bridge at a run, making a leap that immediately gets his adrenaline back up.

His chest is heaving a little because the climb is about a bitch.

A hard jerk on the suspension bridge takes him by surprise as both “villains” land it on either side of him, effectively boxing him in.

Well, fuck.

He pulls the grapple since, you know, the jig is up, but an escrima stick knocks the damn thing from his hand, and no amount of time he’s spent in the gym or hard-core parkour is going to get him out of this little sitch.

(Dammit. Trapped.)

Renegade clicks his tongue, “tsk, tsk, Robin. Nice try, but you should have tried to stay ahead of us. That might have gotten you home free.” And the two start advancing on him, getting closer. Robin looks from one to the other, bites down on his lower lip–

Until the plan pops into his head.

“Gonna enjoy this, little bird,” Hood drawls out, “after the run ya gave us.”

Panting, Robin tries to make the move subtle enough to miss, back up just a step, tries to make it look like he’s searching for a way out when he looks over the bridge and all the way down.

The action works because both villains jump for him at the same time, trying to keep him from throwing himself over, and it gives Robin just enough of a chance to let his knees give out from under him and fake fall to the wobbly bridge so Renegade can careen over his head at the same time Hood smacks into him, landing the two in a heap right at Robin’s feet.

The knock of Hood’s helmet against Renegade’s forehead gives him a crucial moment to slam the handcuffs he’d kept down on the Red Hood’s left wrist and Renegade’s right one, pushing the sides closed to cuff the two together.

(Oh fuck is he winning here.)

He’s already moving back while they untangle themselves and stare at their cuffed wrists before slowly, ever so slowly, turning to him.

“Well, damn.” And if he didn’t know better, he’d say Hood was, well, impressed.

(I have other hobbies, asshole, remember?)

“The surprises keep coming,” Renegade already climbing to his feet is grinning widely, Hood following in a smooth motion. “Too bad it isn’t going to save you, you know.”

“I just need to keep you two on–”

When he would have finished off the banter portion with on your toes, what he gets is the terrible sighing sound breaking the night, followed right by a sharp twang that is all too fucking familiar.

(Why do bridges have a tendency to break while he’s on them? Seriously now?)

His whole body jerks up, head turning to the sight of the old bridge coming apart and falling from under him, making him gasp in hard enough to hurt, making his knees knock, making a hard reality of Oh God, not again.

But cuffed arms brace under his and the bang of grapples firing shakes him out of breath-stealing panic, Hood and Renegade working in tandem to send the three of them flying through the night while the bridge crumbles to Gotham’s dirty sidewalk below.

Effortlessly, the villains land them on the Mylar, setting the three of them down in the shadows where one side of the building keeps it absolutely hidden away.

“Holy shit,” Robin pants out, held up between Hood and Renegade, his chest heaving under the tunic. “That...was not part of the plan.”

“Good to know,” Renegade lays his forehead against the base of Robin’s neck, exhaling slowly, moving his free hand down to push the cape out from between their bodies, to twist it around his hand for the next step.

“I’ll fuckin’ say,” Hood deactivates the helmet and tosses it down, moves a step closer to sandwich Robin between the two of them. With just a dom, his eyes are dark blue without the flecks of jade which means he’s probably still riding a little bit of the adrenaline from the almost-oops.

Robin looks up and over when Hood holds up his cuffed hand and arches a brow. “Still, ya gonna have ta work on them plans, Rob, if ya wanna get the better of us, yeah? This ain’t bad, but that don’t mean–”

And Robin gasps when his gloves wrists are gathered up by the cuffed hands, pulled over his head to stretch his body taunt.

Renegade is leaning down to talk against his ear, growling low and so fucking dangerous, “–you’re going to get away this time. Sorry, little bird. Looks like we win.”

**

Apparently things like capes are weapons and should not be used against him.

Or...well, maybe he’s going to re-think that since his wrists are bound together tight before they even worked the tunic open.

Renegade is keeping Robin’s bound arms down with a knee and a gloved hand over his mouth to make sure the noises are nice and quiet, kept between just the three of them. Hood had picked the cuffs in approximately two seconds to give them both a chance to get to work on making sure the young vigilante knew he was fucking around with the real deal.

The utility belt came off, lying just out of reach and Robin’s thighs spread open with less fight than anticipated.

The struggling, the writhing against Hood’s crotch, the straining muscle and taunt hold is just this side of perfect. For a little show, Hood pulls out a wickedly sharp knife, the glint dull in the night, leans down over Robin’s body and slides the sharp end of the blade right over the base of his throat, bare now that his cape is gone.

(But even though Timmy’s is half-assed struggling, he ain’t scared. No fear in those eyes, yeah?)

“Better be a good little bird, Rob. I like ta keep m’ implements nice n’ sharp. Don’t wanna make me slip by accident.”

Renegade’s hand on the younger vigilante’s mouth pulls so the head tilts back, eyes looking up. “I’ve known Hood for a long time, kid. You don’t want to see the master at work.”

When the struggling stops and the only thing Robin is doing is panting against Renegade’s hand, the sharp edge eases up slightly, slides down his chest, the tip fitting right under the tunic’s laces.

“Atta boy. Make it easier on yerself. Ain’t nobody gonna find ya, so don’t gotta have it rough unless ya wanna.”

“He might like it that way, Hood.” The first lace gives without hesitation. “Maybe we should go a little hard on him to find out.”

The second lace.

“But lookit how cute he is, Baby Boy. Gonna show ‘im just how things gotta go down on our side a’ the law, ain’t we? That don’t mean we gotta get nasty ‘bout it long as he behaves himself.”

The third.

Finally, the two villains are finally getting a little skin, and a gloved hands runs down Robin’s collar bone, moves to thumb and tweak until the little nub under is tight.

The hand on Robin’s mouth tightens down when the moan cuts through the stillness.

“He needs to learn, Hood. He can’t mess with business and get away without paying the price.” The thumb on Robin’s face moves over the domino and the whiteouts slide down, showing half-mast eyes, darkening by degrees.

“Mmhm. That’s the thing ‘bout Gotham, ain’t it?” And the hands moving down, pull hard, rip the tunic until there’s nothing in his path except the tights and reinforced jock. “Always got consequences, Rob, and you? You ain’t any different.”

The telltale tremble in his thighs makes the Red Hood grin wide and white (don’t be breaking character yet, Baby Bird. We gotta whole lotta play still left), and he’s nothing but a nasty bastard when he runs both hands up the inside of those thighs, grips tight to make sure there’s gonna be bruises there tomorrow.

Since he and Dickie pretty much engineered this whole thing (and made a suit with strategized weaknesses), the tights give under his hands, ripping open from the waist to the knee. He hands a sizeable strip to Renegade and leans down over Robin’s body, giving a little bit of distraction while his partner in crime moves just long enough to tie the strip in their little vigilante’s mouth.

“Much better.” He palms the grapple in his freed hand, and pulls out the line, throws the hook to catch on the lip of the roof and wrap the other end to keep Robin from going anywhere. Renegade pulls off the head piece, is in just a domino so he can flick the catch of his suit and pull it down to bare a tantalizing v-ee of his chest.

With the suit ripped away, helpless to whatever they planned to do to him on a roof in the middle of Gotham, Robin is gagged and panting, his chest stuttering with it, going pink down his collarbone and upper chest.

(Fingers slide into one of his bound hand, and the metal ball gives a soft jingle. All he has to do is drop it if he needs to stop, all he has to do is give the signal. He’s in control, he’s in control, he’s in control–)

And the feel of Hood’s gloves on his hip bone, tearing the strap on the reinforced jock makes his hips twitch, makes him unconsciously arch into the touch even when his hard cock springs up into the cool Gotham air.

“That’s smart kid. This’ll go easier for you if you try to enjoy it.” Renegade palms the vial in his suit and holds it up where the can both see it, smirks at the muffled noise right beside his thigh.

Hood grins back at him and pops the lid, dribbles lube on his fingers and lifts one of Robin’s calves for Renegade to hold. He hoists the other, runs his slick fingers over Robin’s balls, tugs a little, slides his forefinger up the underside of the vigilante’s straining cock, just a tease.

Getting his suit down far enough with one hand, Renegade shakes Robin’s leg, palms the side of his face to turn him, gets a load of those eyes, “My partner here is going to give you the fuck of a lifetime. And you? Are going to suck me while he does it.”

The jock is gone, and Robin gasps in hard through his nose, those eyes rolling over the length, teeth biting down on the gag in his mouth. He watches, mesmerized, as the gloved hand strokes himself, makes himself harder, gives Robin a preview to what he’s about to get.

When Hood spreads him open wider, slick and blunt finger sliding in, moving fast and hard, making Robin’s spine arch while he watches Renegade jerk off right in front of his face, mouth watering for it, his cock aching, his body clenching when one finger becomes two, and the desperation for more is starting to take over.

Pulling against the zip line isn’t doing anything for him because he can’t move, is caught between them, is already making noises with his body anticipating Hood (Jay) making him utterly senseless while he sucks Renegade’s thick cock to the fucking base.

(This is the best thing to ever happen.)

A jerk of his hips and a third finger slides in, gives him only a few thrusts against his spot, just enough for Hood to smirk and finally pull out.

“Gonna keep ya nice n’ tight fer me, Robin,” and while he’s been prepping the vigilante, he’d pulled himself out, lubed himself up to press right against the prize waiting for him. “But don’t worry. Since yer being a good, little bird, we’ll make sure you get yers.”

And Robin throws his head back, body arching in a clean line as well as he can with his legs caught and hands restrained. His fist tightens on the bell, keening through his gag as Hood pushes in, gives a few slow back-and-forths until he’s balls deep with a long moan.

“Lookit you taking all of his dick on the first go,” Renegade purrs down at him, and thumbs the gag out of his mouth, puts a finger over his lips. “Good for you, little bird. Now you’re going to give me mine. Don’t make me have to tell you to be very good.”

Renegade pulls with fingers on his jaw, and Robin opens up without a fight, taking the wide head in, moaning around it. Hood finally gets the point that he’s sure he isn’t going to come immediately when he moves, changing his hold to fit the bend of Robin’s knee and hoist his hips up higher, makes sure he’s in as far as he can possibly go (just the way Timmy likes it), then pulls back, starts up a few slow-n’-easies before he picks up the pace.

And Robin’s eyes are fluttering behind the domino, sliding his tongue around Renegade’s cock, leaning closer when he can take more, when he can take it deeper--

And suck.

“Holy–” and the villain’s hips twitch, a gloved hand threading into his hair, holds him still as hips twitch and fuck his mouth in shallow thrusts. “Fuck, know what you’re doing, don’t you Robin? Ah, you’re going to love my cock by the time we’re done with you.”

“Ya kiddin’ me, Baby Boy? Fuck him and you’ll be in love with his ass. Like a fucking vice.” And Hood leans over Robin’s body to get a better view of Renegade’s hips twitching, cock sliding in and out of his mouth, of Robin’s cheeks hollowing, of his jaw moving, of the tight nubs they’re both absently working.

In a calculated move, Renegade gives Hood a wink, and they both draw back, leave just the tip in him, gets a low noise for the effort, and fuck back into him with a vengeance.

“That’s right, little birdie. Found yer sweet spot, yeah?” And the strokes inside him are long and firm and fast, his spot abused by each one, making the pressure in his belly start to burn.

Renegade keeps up with a smooth, steady pace, sliding over his tongue, spilling pre-come in his throat, staring down as he pants, watching Robin take every fucking inch.

He’s moaning around the width in his mouth, in his throat, trying to suck, trying to scream while his cock throbs and the R still partly on his chest gleams in the night.

Hood’s balls slapping against his ass, and Renegade panting, groaning out above him, and a gloved hands fists him at the base, starts stroking him in time with the hits to his spot.

And the rhythm is driving, pound, rushing, his pulse racing in his ears, struggling to get a breath, but it’s all toomuchmoremoremore that he can’t think past the need to come, whimpering in his throat when he can, and trying to move his hips up into the fist pumping him and down into the pound thrusts driving him closer and closer to the edge.

“That’s right, give it up, Robin,” Renegade pants, groans down at him, working his hips, fucking into that throat, “you’re gonna take everything we give you, and when you go back to the Bat, you’ll remember just what you get when you stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

Hood draws back to fuck in hard, tightening his hand down and speed up. “We’re gonna make sure this lessons sticks, Baby Boy. Fill ‘im up good, make sure he knows what happens ta bad little birdies.”

Robin screams around Renegade’s cock when fingers tease the tip of him and hips ground into deep, trying to move but he’s helplessly caught.

When Renegade leans down over him, talks low and feral, fucking into his mouth with fast, hard jerks, getting harder against his tongue, when it’s those blue eyes with the haze of need and want, (when it’s Dick talking to him), when the words, “come for us, baby,” are breathed so soft and fond, his body lets go, the knot of tension exploding, sending tingling pleasure from his ass to his cock to his nipples and spreads out until his eyes are rolling back in his head and all he can do is suck Renegade’s come down his throat while the pleasure loops around and keeps him going.

“Fuck, baby,” (Is Jay instead of–) Hood yells to the night sky, Robin’s body milking him, tightening down so hard, so fast, so wet, that he comes with a jolt, burying himself deep to fill the vigilante up.

And while Gotham remains completely serene at this time of night, three (two, technically) caped crusaders are laying out on the roof of the Mylar building in a tangle of limbs, panting, and weak, and so amazingly sated.

Boneless and content not to move another inch in his life, Tim manages to slide a gloved hand out of the knot made from the cape, and wipe his mouth, absently keeping track of his heart rate.

Dick is curled around his upper body, idly running fingers through his hair, the Renegade costume zipped half-way up his chest so he doesn’t get a whole lot of roof rash. On his other side, Jay has a heavy arm over his bare hips, a leg thrown over his and the Kevlar feels just as good on bare skin as it always does.

“That? Was fucking amazing,” he murmers, drowsy, shivering slightly now that he realizes he’s pretty much naked on a roof in the middle of the city after being fucked out of his mind, and somehow--

This is his life.

So it’s good when his vigilante boyfriends recover enough to maybe get them the hell off this roof before people like, office staff start coming into the Mylar’s upper floors for work.

Dawn is riding the horizon when he’s pulled to his feet and wrapped in Robin’s cape, rocking a toga to cover the torn suit and tunic, and carried off by his vigilante boyfriends so he can be absolutely lazy and just let Dick then Jay take him flying.

He has to make his body work when maneuvering through the window with shaky legs. Jay gives the helmet a toss in pretty much the direction of the kitchen table before picking Tim up by the back of his thighs, and let their doctor squawk but still flops his upper body flops over Jay’s shoulder.

Dick has the Renegade suit hanging off his hips, moving around the kitchen bare-chested with a domino, making coffee that is desperately, desperately needed.

“I’ll be there in a sec! I was promised cuddles, Jay, and I expect you two to deliver.”

“Bath first, Big Wing. Gotta let Timmy take a soak. Getcha ass in here so’s we can wash ‘im but good.” The abrupt smack and corresponding yelp from the path down the hall toward the direction of the bathroom makes Dick smirk and quickly scoop the grounds in while trying to get a glove off with his teeth.

“‘Sides, we might need ta give Sweets one more go ‘round, you feel me here, Dickie?”

“Wh-what?! How do you even expect me to get hard right now?!”

The bath is running in Tim’s massive tub (the real benefit to the apartment after all), and the sounds of Kevlar and Nomac sliding off of skin a soft sight when Dick comes to join them.

“You know, Timmy,” is a followed up by a very Dick Grayson smile, all full of bedroom eyes and promise, “we do have our ways.”

So if the tub sloshes over, and the neighbors complain about the noise this time of day (again), if maybe there might be...another suit buried in the back of their closet a few days later, if maybe he takes more detours when his boys are on the job and he can have time to scout hiding places and perfectly sized niches, when he can calculate more routes and moves.

He’s going to say, it’s always good to have a plan because of things like bleeding vigilantes—you know, on my fire escape. But in reality, it’s because now that he’s worn the tunic, flown through Gotham, and he’s pretty damn sure he’s got enough skill to make them work a hell of a lot harder–

Next time.

[riskeith]

hi bb!

oh rip... the ol’ laptop fan situation. it must sound like a plane when you play genshin right? yes, we’re more prepared now. i remember the first few years there were so many fires and stuff to the point where they even made bbq illegal. such a mess, but it took away a fire hazard which is good. i believe aus had the same situation right?

awwww sounds so cute! pokémon go? no i don’t! i dropped it after that summer sjsksjdk. do you play while you’re walking that’s so adorable. wait bakudeku zine??? you’ve peeked my interest.

ooh that makes sense! i thought about the gold seelie too actually! the babie might bring you mora which is always good to have. also there’s fanart of the gold seelie being aether and those are sooo cute. have you seen any?

help i hope xiao knows how lucky he is to have such a devoted fan as yourself!! you’re really pulling all the strings for him i applaud your patience and determination. dude albedo is like... easily one of the prettiest animated character i’ve seen! he’s gorgeous! also i like his elevator move that could be so handy. and for the dancing videos, just search on yt baron bunny dancin or something hehe.

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK? wait are you serious? venti’s jpn va is HINATA? I HAD NO IDEA WTF???? god..,. that’s it i’m switching to jpn dub that’s insane... i was actually gonna ask you once if you could apply haikyuu characters to the game who would they be and the only one i was sure about was that hinata would be venti.... 😭 you’re so talented for knowing that hehe.. also you can say that you’re studying when you’re gaming then lmao. study smart not hard. god i’m still in shock over venti. this made my morning ngl.

i have no idea how fic collabs work either. i had a friend that did it once and she said they each wrote a chapter but i feel like that might be confusing if the writers use different writing styles..? idk it seems fun but kind of scary too..

ilytttttt little blushing girl.. <3

it always goes back to dragonspine does it not... 😶 but damn it’s been about a month and you’ve saved 12k that’s super solid. since xiao will be coming around feb that means you’ll have another month-ish to save up as well... so girl you’re def getting him sjdksjdk.. <3 and so much other goodies as well. unless you don’t pull him on the first try you might get some other great characters and weapons/artifacts as well. you need to force me to start saving up too bc if venti is really coming back.. i /have/ to get him esp now that i know about the va..

they’re adorable! i don’t know much about their story but i think they’re best friends, right? which makes it even more adorable. and there’s so much fanart of them as well. dude speaking of, genshin stans make the BEST fanart. i spend hours just looking at them and it’s perfect. i imagine there’s so much on twitter too, right?

god. remember shiro and adam. dreamworks would def not do that.. lmao...

your bravery for even considering posting wip. i’m taking my hat off for you. also, one writer to another; how does your writing process usually go? i’m always interested in seeing how other fic writers work bc it varies so much.

oh!! i was all over the place but i really liked sm groups. and loona! you don’t like slow songs? like even slow indie? aksjjdhdkdhf im gonna keep asking to find a middle group bc right now i’m super lost help...

i don’t really like sleeping in so it’s fine HEHE it’s 9 am now and i woke up about an hour ago which was perfect. 10 hour sleep? immaculate. not yikes. sleeping is always good never stress about it shjdhdjd, think about when you go back to school and have to pull all nighters etc.

kiss <3

heya!!

yeah HAHAAH it gets so hot omg.. and my laptop is supposed to have pretty good specs so i can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if i tried to play on my old one yikes 😬 oh shoot! yeah we have a fire danger rating too, the second lowest one is “high” and it goes beyond “extreme” to “code red”/“catastrophic” lollll. and we’ve regularly got fire bans in the summer to try and prevent anything! 

hfsdkjfhs summer 2016? god i remember that time so clearly... iconic 😩 i do play sometimes! normally if there are any mystic gyms around me to join, otherwise i’m kinda lazy about actually catching the pokemon HAHA oops. https://twitter.com/kotatsutomikan1 here!! does that mean 👀 you main bkdk 👀👀👀

oooo i thought the seelies were actually just there for decoration? AHAH. yessss I saw one with a whole lineup! https://twitter.com/icedkappe/status/1347555831831699457 look how cute 🥺 ugh but that reminds me of something i was thinking of earlier today, i hope they’ll introduce skins or something later down the line? fshdk like think of the potential. it always upsets me when i click the hanger icon and it only lets me change their glider fhsjfskfjsdjkf

god when i saw albedo’s hair... <3333333 and also his eyes??? um chief alchemist? more like PRETTIEST alchemist. yesss i’ve been doing plunge attacks a lot more recently (preparing for xiao?) and honestly ugh if i had albedo.. I LOOKED THOSE VIDEOS UP!!! THEY ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WHAT EHE FSUCJK!!!!!!  my god. fancam for characters who? ? from now on only fancams of baron bunny are allowed 😤😤😤

AHAHAH YEAH HE IS!!!! wait have you finished the world quest with him tho?? either way i’m sure you’ll be able to find clips of it in japanese dub online... his ‘ehe’ is so cute my god.. study smart not hard my motto!!!! <3 

yeah I feel like chapters is confusing which is why separating by POV might work better? definitely scary tho lol .... such uncharted territory for me

IM DEF GETTING HIM!!! xiao i am patiently waiting for you to come home 👐🙇‍♀️ yes!! i really hope the four stars on his banner are good bc i’m def gonna be pulling it a lot AHAHHA i hope hm.... i wanna get xingqiu to match with chongyun but beido seems so cool too 😩 tho i already have so many claymore users fsdhfksdfhsjd. oh that also reminds me venti’s elemental burst dialogue ‘kaze da!’ is so cute... like his voice is so melodic??? omg.... WAIT lemme send you this interview i found https://youtu.be/g3floaU41Uc !! AND START SAVE UP MARRIAGE ANON!!!!! tho i think he’s like 5 banners away so you still have time if you do wanna pull now... fhdsfkjds

they are!!! chongyun has this line in his story profile “Who could he possibly trust, if not his fine friend Xingqiu?” 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭 how cute is he i love him so much :((((((((((((( yeah there are so many on twitter!! i don’t see much on tumblr tbh bc i don’t look at my dash too often AHHAHA but it’s all over my twitter timeline~ 

my writing process depends!! but typically i type out the outline of a fic/write out certain scenes, then fill in everything around that ahaha. usually my ideas come from a line i thought up that i really like or just a concept. i usually also type out my plans in all caps LOL. i hope that makes sense lmaooo how about you? do you just go for it or plan everything out first?

ooo yeah sm have some really nice stuff... and nice! i never gave loona a shot FJKDHFKSJ. i don’t think so?? the slow songs i do like are usually exceptions rather than the rule LMAO but i like hozier’s stuff even tho they’re slow (but who doesn’t? AHAH) honestly i couldn’t even give you examples bc i can’t think of any FHSDKFJS like i guess for example, lovely by billie eilish and khalid, i like the song but on a normal day if it came up on shuffle i’d skip it? FHSFKSD im so sorry legit i am no help at all fhskdfhsjdfjsdkfhsdhkfhk but what are some artists you listen to often?

i never pull all-nighters!! it’s kinda like my rule, even if i’m absolutely fucked i’ll deal with it later rather than not sleep fhskjfsdf. (or maybe i just haven’t reached that stage yet... i hope not!). also wait a second i just registered what you wrote.. YOU WOKE UP AT 8AM????????? my goodness... legit i don’t think i did that a single time in 2020. there was a week i woke up at 8:30 every day but very quickly i started sleeping in again omg... that energy! i’m also gonna try start waking up early but it’s hard when i go to bed then read fic 😩

kisses!!! hope your day has been swell so far xoxo

[deathandallhisfriendss]

Everything you want's a dream away - Coldplay @ Paris Stade De France 15, 16 & 18 July 2017

Hello guys! So here is it, my super long post where I am gonna tell you everything about my trip! I had a little bit bad luck and I had to write 1/3 of this again because my laptop crashed, but I hope I remembered everything!

Saturday 15.7.2017

But I will start. My flight to Paris was early morning on Saturday - the same day than the first concert was. I knew that I was not going to get a good spot so I wasn’t so stressed about it. My hotel was one metro stop (which I usually walked) + one train stop away from the stadium so the location was really good! But of course I took a wrong train when I went to the stadium for the first time.. But it was the only mistake I made (it was my first time in France) so I handled everything surprisingly well alone, I’m proud of myself! Also everyone was very kind and helpful when I asked for a help couple of times, I have nothing bad to say about French people!

I was so nervous when I walked to the stadium, the train trip had made me even more nervous and I felt kind of lonely - I’m not scared to say it. I bought some merch (I LOVE THE CAP) before going to the lane and the lane was suuuuper long.

(FYI: The merch was super expensive, I’m happy that I saved so long for this or I would have cried to not get anything. And the photo is bad again sorry)

I didn’t make any friends on the line but it was ok because there wasn’t much time left before the doors. When I got in, there was thousands people already, so I got a spot like in the middle of crow in Jonny’s side, B-stage was exactly on my right side.

Opening acts wasn’t really my type of music. So I will not talk about them sorry lol. The last minutes were anyway so long!

(For non-coldplayers just a random fact now - Coldplay filmed all of the three concerts for the live dvd and that made concerts a little bit more special.)

And then it started - first the intro and then A Head Full Of Dreams. And I started jumping and singing and everyone was jumping too and it felt perfect from the start to the end. I didn’t really see more than the left screen but I wasn’t super sad about it.  I also loved the fact that Coldplay -concerts are a place where no one cares about your age or gender or anything. I felt the magic of it every concert.

When Yellow started, I started crying. I have never cried to it, but for that moment it felt really special.

Here is a little clip of The Scientist I took, nothing special: 

I don’t really take photos or videos at shows so you will only get couple of shitty ones!

When the boys played at the B-stage, it was so good. I saw them better, I had so much fun, I danced all the time - I was the craziest one who kept jumping and singing when no one else didn’t. They have so many danceable songs!! Everything was new to me, the show felt like it will continue forever and I loved it. I sang so loud to Fix you and the end of it was super good.

Something just like this was the second song which made me cry. I have had a special relationship with it as long as it came out and it was so good on live.

And when the show was over, I already knew this is the best live band in the world. And trust me - I have seen many.

Every night it took long get to the station because the police have blocks for our safety but it was okay. And how magical was that people keep singing Viva while walking and in the train?

When I got to the hotel I was so tired - how am I gonna do this again tomorrow??

Sunday 16.7.2017

Sunday was the day when I had the early entry ticket. It was the only ticket type that was left when I tried to get tickets - then I decided I can do this all alone and I bought the ticket.

I went to the stadium at 11am and I was kind of suprised there was almost 30 people before me! I was nervous, I felt everyone was so much cooler than me haha!

A while later @buckin-love came to say hey - he was the only person I knew who was going to concerts and he helped me so much before and during the trip. Thank you again Vik!

It was hot day again so people bought emergency blankets (only 2,5€ or something lol) to get shadows to the line and people next to me bought one too. Here is what I mean:

Clever right? That was when I started to talk with the girl next to me and then we spent the whole day together with couple with others. It was so nice to meet you Alizée, hope to see you in next tour!

I was SUPER nervous, more nervous than on Saturday. Of course I knew I was gonna get a good spot anyway but it didn’t really help!

We got our early entry gifts and here is shitty pics of it if you haven’t seen the gift yet:

The bag had hard time in my luggage, it looks better for real.. So in a beautiful box was a coloring book and that thing is how you can draw Coldplay’s logo. I think? I haven’t tried it yet. Everything is gorgeous anyway!

So we got in and me and my new friends got really good spot in Jonny’s side. There I met more amazing people!

Then the magical moment happened.

I had seen R42 reading our signs before (there was so many signs every night btw!) but when he came to back later to take the photo I was like this is not really happening. This is a dream. Of course I didn’t know was he gonna put it anywhere but it was cool anyway!

So a while later I had to check Coldplay’s Twitter and yep, there it was with the text “Yes! One big band, one big family! #ColdplayParis R42″ :

https://www.instagram.com/p/BWnbX9sl_zL/

https://twitter.com/coldplay/status/886640825085636612

It was real happiness. I was SO happy. And I still am, of course! I started to cry and everyone around me was happy for me and that made me cry even more. And btw, thinking about this made me cry again. Crying for happiness is good!

The thing is, I wasn’t really sure about the sign. I changed my mind many times will I do it or not. But it felt special for me so I made it. And yeah, it was right thing to do and the message of it is so true too. I know many people don’t go to concerts alone but there is people who do. And there’s nothing wrong about it. People should talk more about it and I really hope I have inspired people to do it! I’m still the awkward-not-the-most-social-and-broken-english -girl from Finland and I made new friends so you can do it too! I have tried to read all of your comments and you are all so sweet, I’m so thankful and I love you all. (And it has 180 000 likes on IG, THIS IS CRAZY!!)

So back to the show. I had really found the right people around me. Almost every of them had seen Coldplay at least 10 times and were crazy like me. So when Coldplay started, we started jumping and singing and dancing. And we barely stopped any time.

Coldplay was so good. SO GOOD. The best show I have ever seen. And when Chris said we are one of the loudest crow ever, when he said he would pay to play for us.. It was special. I keep using that word but there’s no any better way to say it.

As I told you, there were camera men filming the audience too. And one of them was this really sweet gentleman (I think his name is Mike?)  who somehow find a way to my photo of Chris:

He was cute and kept filming us to screens. But we had so much fun so why not! Me and him also shared a lollipop together and it is one of my funniest memories. If the video of it somehow finds a way to public (because he was filming all the time), I’m gonna laugh my ass off! 

But as I said, he kept filming us to screen and here is one great video where I’m on the screen twice during The Scientist:

Here is also one screenshot of it:

Yep, I was happy. On the video is also Chris’ “So far I have to tell you, this is one of the best audiences we ever heard so thank you for being here!”. And Chris’ cheeky smile!

When the boys went to play to the B-stage, Chris stopped in front of us like “who wanna get my pick?” and then looked at my eyes and threw it to me. But I never got it, it dropped to the ground and some crew member gave it for someone else.. But yeah it’s ok.

The concert was so good that I don’t know what to tell you.. Charlie Brown was super good every night and I love when the crowd sing the guitar riff together. And the xylobands!! It was magical.

On the C-stage, they surprised everyone of playing Trouble and it was really good. And Chris’ Paris -song was adorable, I love listening to his French, no matter that I don’t understand anything.

Here is a short clip of my favorite part of Don’t Panic:

I love the new version where Will sings leading vocals and then there��s Jonny’s adorable singing too.

I don’t really have words to explain how good the show was.. I wanna see the live dvd already, I really hope they use something from Sunday! I hope I would live this day again, it was so good, so emotional, I was so happy.. *continue watching live videos from the concert and ugly cry*

So Monday was a day off and I went to do some sightseeing with Vik and his friend. Paris is really beautiful and I have to go back one day. Maybe next CP tour? 

Tuesday 18.7.2017

On Tuesday I had a normal standing ticket again. I went to the stadium at 7am and I was fourth in my gate. 

I was a little bit worried how everything would go because it was going to be really hot day and I didn’t know anyone again etc. But then maybe 30min later one guy who was next to us on Sunday came! I was so happy! Saad you saved my day! So we spent the whole day together.

During the day many sweet people came to say that they saw the photo of me and saw me on the screen and everything, thank you!

So the day was SO hot. 35′C. We got the blanket to have a shadow but it was hot anyway. Here is a random happy pic of me from Tuesday outside of the stadium:

We were stressed about spots again because so many gates would open the same time. But Saad’s friend has saved a spot for him so I went to the second row behind him. Almost the same spot than on Sunday, yay! 

There I meet more people again and I’m so happy that everyone was so nice to me, almost everyone was from different country and everything, but we still are one big family.

Just before the concert began, the same two camera men came in front of us again and the another one said “I remember you!”. I was like huh oh and he said something like “you were here on Sunday too!” and then the camera was on my face again and I melted. Kind of funny that they remembered me when all around me was people who has seen the band so many times and who has also been there all of three concerts.

But yeah, there was SO hot, at least 30´C in the evening too, I’m pretty sure I have never sweated so much in my life! But it didn’t stop us to dancing/jumping/singing.

This concert was the last concert of their European tour and I couldn’t get it off my head. Just when all of this began, it’s over.. Thanks god Chris said that they will be back, but at least two long years, huh!

When Chris and Jonny went to play Paradise remix to the catwalk, it was somehow kind of sexy to watch lol. Jonny is adorable and smiling and enjoy how everyone is watching him and Chris keeps watching Jonny and coming closer and closer of him and hah it was so great! 

Here is a not very good photo of lasers and Chris changing his shirt because why not:

When Chris wanted to play Hypnotised, it was unreal and I was the whole song like is this really happening? And I was like the only one who opened the Hypnotised -app and Will laughed at me lol. 

Here is a short clip of Magic and Buckin because yes.

In the end of the concerts, there were some of the band members’ kids ( I don’t know whose and it’s not really my business to know) playing in front of us and it was so cute!

There was so much going on all the time, four guys (and one of them barely stay still), confettis, fireworks, xylobands, 80 000 people.. I think I need ten more concerts to know every little detail (not matter how many concerts I have watched online before this!). On Tuesday I wasn’t so in shock anymore so I was able to realize more what is happening: Jonny’s sweet smile (you can’t get it too many times) and happiness, Chris’ adorable laugh all the time when he crazy dances and his playful eyes - his magical eyes, Will being serious but then next he is one big soft smiling bear again and Guy who somehow keep us all together and surprise us again and again. What a band.

When they played Up&Up, the final song, it was hard and I cried half of the song.. Is it really over? And when the band hugged one last time..Take me back to the start..

That’s it. That was my amazing, unbelievable trip to Paris. I’m so thankful, speechless, happy.

I wanna say huge thank you to everyone who shared this experience with me, thank you for hanging and talking with me, thanks for all the help. Special thanks to Vik, Alizée and Saad!

Thank YOU so much reading, I hope you liked this! I hope I didn’t make any big mistakes. Please share it for everyone who could enjoy this. Ps. If you wanna follow me on somewhere else, I’m riddikulusfin on Twitter/IG/SC.

♥