#sorry I just had to put these somewhere
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something to think about
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Leo learns something about himself 🏳️⚧️
Based roughly on this old post.
Bonus:
[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#trans leonardo#trans leo#rottmnt headcanons#turtle art tag#rise draxum#happy pride everyone~#if you’re wondering why there’s no backgrounds that’s because my files got messed up so just blankness in the bg sorry#but yeah!#this is forever and always my fav headcanon for Leo it makes too much sense to me#I wanted to make sure I got it done in time for pride haha#I don’t know if it’s obvious by the end but Draxum ran off because he was for once doing something nice for Leo#that being leading him somewhere else not in front of everyone so Leo can process the fact that he was born female in peace haha#(but he also just - wanted to avoid the ensuing awkward Talk as long as he could lol)#“how would Leo NOT know’’ he had an inkling but never thought much of it because he’s a teenage turtle mutant with no access to healthcare#also yeah that’s splinter’s hand at the end there I just KNOW he’d want those pics#also also - Leo here can technically be trans or even intersex in some way too#both is good#making this made me remember why I never do color#at least for comics#it just takes sooo long#but it was fun and worth it for my fave hc#this is like the first time I’ve drawn Draxum and man he’s kinda hard to draw#also their sizes are just 1 2 and 3 because Draxum had a simple system in place for sizing his subjects#(aka I was too lazy to think of anything else to put there)#also dunno if anyone noticed but look at Raph’s paper and look at his baby’s self’s photo
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programming like this was made possible by viewers like you
#sorry to all the kiibo fans out there i had no idea how to fit them into this. i have failed you#i thought about putting their hands somewhere but ehhh. it just would've looked weird#anyways. when the game has you feeling complicit in the violence of the narrative#drv3#ndrv3#danganronpa#danganronpa v3#danganronpa v3: killing harmony#tsumugi shirogane#maki harukawa#himiko yumeno#shuichi saihara#joeys art#image described#id in alt text
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mmm thoughts of private executioner!blade, who is high priestess!kafka's bodyguard. well, more like her guard dog, as many fearfully seem to think.
he is aloof and gruff and rough around the edges, his name capturing it perfectly. when in the eyes of the public he either keeps to himself or stands ready by kafka's side, but when out he lurks in the shadows ready and waiting to carry out her death orders.
you, yourself, haven't had very many pleasant encounters with him... if you can even call them that. that being said, you haven't had many pleasant encounters with anyone. notorious for your... less than pleasant disposition, for a lack of better words, you have more people who'd rather see you run through than those you can call a friend.
in a dog-eat-dog world, you had no choice but to protect yourself. that, however, ultimately became your demise.
"oh? so you're the one sent to kill me. can't say i'm all that surprised."
standing before you is the feared executioner. his sword is tucked inside the sheath attached to his hip, that ever-present dark swirl of an aura stifling the air. he doesn't say anything, instead opting to silently stare down at your slumped and worn-out form. you find that his gaze doesn't bother you; rather, it's oddly comforting knowing someone will see you in your last moments.
"i've never asked you for a favour before, so this will be my first and last request for you." in all honesty, you're not sure where this chattiness stems from. considering you're currently in a holding cell under the crime of attempted murder towards kafka (a poisoned wine you were most definitely framed for, though you can't say you were surprised) and are awaiting for your turn to be under the guillotine for your public execution, you probably should be a little desperate towards the private executioner in front of you.
and yet, your mind is nothing if not peaceful.
with a huff, you relay your request, "can you make sure it's quick? painless, preferably, but i'd rather you just get it over and done with."
silence blankets the cold chambers. moisture accumulated along the cobble ceiling drip in a steady rhythm, like a clock ticking away the seconds. it's unnerving, almost, how there is not a single sound other than your impending countdown.
"why?" comes his low mutter, effectively causing a ripple within the stagnant air. you almost think you misheard him, but his following words cease the thought, "why won't you ask me for help?"
had it not been for the abrupt shuffle and clanging against the metal bars, you would have never looked up to see him in your last moments.
his scarred hands gripping the metal until his knuckles turn a ghastly white and blood dripping from his palms is what greets your sight. as your gaze slowly trails up, you almost let loose a laugh of disbelief; who would have thought blade, the infamous guard dog of the high priestess, could make such a desperate expression? one looking as though his whole world crumbled before him, in which he can do nothing but sit and watch.
(you will never know of the anger and desperation which coursed through his veins the moment he heard of your predicament. had it been anyone else, he wouldn't have cared. but you're not anyone else; you're you — unapologetically, wholeheartedly. it didn't take him long to hunt down those behind it, cutting them down without thought and putting an end to their miserable lives. he rushed as soon as he could when kafka gave him the order, no thoughts other than you, you, you, occupying his mind.
you will never know of the anguish which overcame him when he found you in such a state, your once healthy complexion and defiant gaze reduced to nothing but a tiredness which had always sat quietly behind your disposition. he's almost positive the muscle which unwillingly keeps him alive tore at the seams from your request, the acceptance in which you displayed causing his mind to go astray. even as he damn-near begs you to rely on him for help — to run away with him to some place no one knows of you and start anew there — you merely smile, resigned and peaceful.
you will never know of how much blade is willing to put on the line for you, for you never made it to see the complete and utter carnage he wrecked in your name.)
#what was initially a teehee shower thought became an ueue scenario#this was going somewhere and and then it got longer and longer and then took a severely angsty turn wtf#originally was going to keep this on the blog but then i cried at the end and decided it had to be let free <//3#im sorry blade i love u i really do but that just means i need to put u through the emotional wringer haha... ha... a....#oh and also blade is kafkas bodyguard bc she promised to help find a way to cure him of his curse#(<- the mara/immortality equivalent wow we love unneeded lore !)#and yeah. this is me saying i have too many ideas and aus and idk what to do with myself so im blurting them out here#this is yet another cry for help 🥹#sophie talks : concepts <3#blade x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#blade x you#honkai star rail x you#hsr x you#honkai star rail imagines#hsr imagines
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So i remember an ask mentioning your mortal enemy, Felis Atra and their cats, and i thought it'd be fun to draw what Felis Atra's version of your italian dogs would be.
I think they would be called Butter Knife and Flamengo! Butter Knife is not his real name, it's an nickname given by his peers because of how harmless he is. I choose Flamengo because that's the name of Vasco's rival football team here in Brazil, so i thought that was the perfect name :)
Cat Machete was slightly inspired by the Oriental Shorthair cat because of their long noses and thin head shape.
Cat Vasco was inspired by the Scottish Fold cat, because FLOPPY EARS. I gave Flamengo longer ears and orange fur to make him more like his look-alike.
The last doodle is a reference to this ask (https://canisalbus.tumblr.com/post/728923918314946560/me-i-am-machete-ear-fan-number-1-those-ears) and contains the tumblr ask stand-in dog, whose cat version was inspired by the American Curl cat! They have round ears that are slightly floppy outwards.
Final notes: I know cardinal clothes don't come in vibrant blue, but i was ADAMANT on switching Machete's and Vasco's clothing color patterns. I would draw the rest of Butter Knife's and Flamengo's clothes, but i suck at designing cool outfits.
Speaking of outfits, for Machete's iconic void outfit, i figured it would be fun to make it more baggy for Butter Knife, in contrast to Machete's, that looks very tight-fitted. I think it's cute, it kinda looks like a sweater. Also i can't imagine a Machete doppelganger without high heels boots, so those HAD to stay.
Oh, and just to be clear, i'm not like, claiming ownership of these guys or anything. I just thought it would be a fun exercise. Hope you like them!! I love your art and your characters.
.
#imagine if Vaschete but CATS and REVERSED -> Butter knife ;_; and Flamengo <3#this ask is from last year and I'm sorry I've allowed it sit in my inbox for so long ´m`#but I've been thinking about it intermittedly#the context was that someone said that somewhere out there existed my mortal enemy (felis atra = black/dark cat)#and they had frenzied cat ocs instead of melancholic dogs#first of all they both look so darling I'm getting radiation poisoning just from looking at them aaaaaa#and the fact you put so much thought and effort into this concept is making me go absolutely rabid#extremely strange seeing Machete with big pupils and Vasco with tiny pinpoints#Butter knife purring like a fluffy jackhammer is instant serotonin I love him#and yes if you turned Machete to a cat he'd probably be something resembling an oriental shorthair#especially one of those really exaggerated ones with giant bat ears and roman nose#and I keep visualizing Vasco as a scottish fold as well but it's kind of giving me sad bad feels personally#I can't look past their painful and debilitating health issues#the same mutation that causes the floppy ears also destroys the cartilage in their joints#it's such a shame because they're a terribly cute and charming breed#and in this case they really do have those similar rounded friendly shapes that Vasco does#if I ever draw them as cats myself I'll probably have to think of some other breed for him even though it would be such a perfect fit#also I think it's funny how you can swap everything else but Machete's heels have to stay :'> don't separate the crinkle and his boots#thank you so much! this was such a cool ask to receive I love how you designed their cat forms#gift art#dingergum#Machete#Vasco#own characters#Vaschete scenarios
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"why not just make your own website?"
with the announcement of cohost's death and amidst all the other tumultuous shit currently going on with social media as a concept (i am AMAZED twitter has survived this long given the circumstances), one suggestion that i've been hearing a lot is "we should just go back to the good old days of personal websites. let's all just make neocities pages!!"
(this is gonna be a long one sorry)
and like. idk! it's certainly something i've considered, i think it would be a fun thing to have, but it also feels like the equivalent of "capitalism sucks so let's all just run off into the woods and live in a cabin outside of society" to me. like it would be nice, it would be fun, but it doesn't ultimately solve the actual problems that are present with the modern internet, it just evades them. more importantly in my case and many others, it does not really help people who rely on the modern internet and the connections they're able to make there for their income. sure i can make a website and host my art and blog posts there, but who's going to see it? i can't build a consistent audience and make a living off of random passersby who peek at my website once, say "huh, neat!" and MAYBE add it to an RSS feed or whatever if they really like it. there's minimal potential for meeting and impressing new people outside my existing circles if i don't ALSO still have some manner of social media platform to promote the website on.
a lot of the "solutions" i see people proposing for the slow, painful decline of social media as a user experience keep coming back to old-fashioned, more isolated/insular systems. we miss forums, we miss personal webpages, we miss newsletters, etc etc. but like... those things were ideal in the "old web" because the old web was more about sharing hobbies and interests with whoever happened to pass by and check them out, and even just USING the internet was a niche hobby in and of itself for a lot of people. if you wanna be kinda cynical about it (and not unjustifiably so), web 2.0 is much more blatantly business-oriented, and its algorithms and carefully crafted UX's are primarily meant to funnel you towards viewing ads and spending money on products. looking at it that way, it sure does suck and Everything Was Better Before! but the modern web is ALSO more powerful than anything before it for just like. connecting people. spreading information and news. showing your art/music/writing/thoughts/etc to strangers who never knew you existed an hour ago. putting the tools to reach out to someone and tell them you think they're cool right there on the same website where their art is hosted, just a comment or a message away.
if you're able to avoid patterns of engagement-bait and obsessing over follower counts as a measure of self-worth (a big "if", i realize, but i view it like installing an adblocker - it's just kind of a basic prerequisite for modern internet safety and survival), a lot of these systems can genuinely be really positive and life-changing in ways that were simply not possible 20 years ago! almost all of my current closest friends are people I met through sharing our art on platforms like Twitter who were complete strangers at the time. all of the art clients that regularly pay my bills and support my work came from places like that too! the "social" part of "social media" is really what makes it ultimately worth keeping around in any form, and makes the pursuit of a Good social media platform still valuable.
there's a lot to love about the old web - its aesthetics, simplicity and freedom for personal expression - but every time someone says "just delete your socials and make a personal website" i am forced to confront the fact that i could never do what i currently do or be the person i am on the old web. if i was stuck hanging out in my own little space and only ever interacting with people who openly and loudly share my interests, i couldn't support myself with art full-time, i probably would never have met the kind and quiet strangers who are now my best friends and have made me who i am, and i'd just generally get a lot less insight into the vast range of experiences and perspectives that exist outside of my own. my life would be on a fundamentally different trajectory in countless ways without the advent of web 2.0.
and that's not to say "well twitter and facebook and tumblr all suck but you kinda still have to hand it to them" cuz you don't, obviously. they're corporations, and their job is to take the personalities and thoughts and art of the people who use their products and try to scrunch it all into something uninform and marketable that generates profit and pleases their shareholders. but like, you CAN still make a good thing out of them! these websites are tools just as much as geocities or myspace or IRC used to be. and the one thing these newer tools are pretty much all REALLY good at is discoverability. if you're just a hobbyist at the things you wanna share on the internet, then you likely don't have a lot of use for those tools, and perhaps you WOULD genuinely be happier just keeping a personal blog site or hanging out in private groupchats or sticking to specialized federated Mastodon instances or whatever. it just isn't feasible for me, and there are a LOT of people in my same situation. my entire industry of online freelance artists barely existed 20 years ago, and the web culture of that era is largely incompatible with my continued survival in the mid-2020s. i would LOVE to run off and live in the woods in concept, but all my survival skills are adapted for city living and i would just eat the wrong berry and die out there. i want- i NEED people to try and improve the spaces we're in, and support better forms of social media (like what cohost was trying and largely succeeding to do!) instead of just complaining that it all sucks, everything was better when we were kids, and digging ourselves little holes to hide in. much like all the other problems and frustrations and systemic issues of the world we live in, the modern web isn't going to go away if you just ignore it, so we may as well try to make it better for everyone.
anyways tl;dr i probably WILL make a neocities at some point. it could be fun, even if it doesn't help my career stability or whatever. but i do also need ALL THE SOCIAL PLATFORMS I USE FOR MY JOB TO STOP EXPLODING PRETTY PLEASE, and failing that, some actual half-decent alternatives that aren't going to fizzle out in a month would also be great thanks ✌
#buny text#webbed site#long post#sorry this one got embarrassingly long and i probably repeated myself a lot#i've just essentially had this same conversation like 8 times in the past 24 hours and wanted to actually put my thoughts somewhere public#i hope it doesn't come off like i'm snapping at anyone either. i know this suggestion is always made out of a desire to be helpful#and i do appreciate it and have given it no shortage of thought#i just needed to explain why it isn't a viable solution for everyone and why actual good usable social platforms are still important
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I keep thinking about Lewis' review of The Hobbit, because he claimed that the main thing contemporary reviewers compared it to was Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Was fantasy in that poor of a state that Alice was the closest thing they could think of? Comparing that chaotic fever dream to Tolkien's intricately crafted world? Lewis does specify that the comparison is that both books are by an "Oxford professor at play", but they're otherwise so different that putting the two in the same category baffles me.
#books#tolkien#the hobbit#c.s. lewis#alice's adventures in wonderland#(i just reread alice because the nicely-formatted bookbinding pdf made a nice ebook)#(thought i'd give it another chance after seeing how foundational it is (mentioned in so many other works))#i think there's an unbridgable cultural gap somewhere#i can't fathom how anyone can read this and become invested in wonderland as a world#it's so random and so chaotic and everyone's a pun and no one's a character#and yet somehow there are books upon books upon books that try to turn it into a dark fantasy world#it doesn't make sense! it's a world that's not supposed to make sense!#and yet they try to treat the government as legitimate and the queen as a real threat etc.#okay sorry for the digression#but my point is that it's odd that there was nothing else in that seventy-ish year gap for them to compare it to#the only thing coming to mind is peter pan#i suppose george macdonald and e nesbit both had their own brands of popular children's fantasy#maybe the real shocking thing about that comparison#is that i'm so used to seeing it compared to narnia that putting the hobbit in a category with any earlier fantasy work seems weird
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i want to make it clear that i do not believe in doomerism about this stuff and that its not going to be as bad as everyone is saying. (but it is going to be bad in ways we haven't quite grappled with or predicted yet in these moments of hurt and thats important to understand.)
but i've been following this stuff for over 10 years. i was there at proto gamergate shit in 2012-2013, and i knew it was a grift back then. i charted the way that young white men were getting radicalized and i told everyone i knew what i saw coming. i was laughed at and told that would never happen. then he won in 2016, and i told people what was coming from that, as i'd seen their playbook years before. they told me i was doomsaying and it wasn't going to happen. then he lost in 2020 and even i thought maybe i was wrong, even though i noticed the trend of the general discourse and online communities and especially young white men trending right.
i've said what would happen since all the way back then and the last 10+ years have proven me right in every single time in every single way.
all this is to say that i can't be the bastion of hope and make the platitudes of "we can get through this" that everyone else is. they're right! we can, and we will. i don't want to endorse doomerism. but i'm tired. so tired. tired in my bones. i can't be that person right now. and i'm sorry if that makes you think less of me.
#sorry#but i had to get this off my chest#and put it somewhere#i've watched this stuff so closely and followed it for so long#that honestly i've probably traumatized myself#might delete this anyway#since now i just feel like im making a traumatic moment for a lot of us about me
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HOLY. SHIT.
I don’t even wanna separate these?? TAKE THE WHOLE SHEET I’M SO PROUD OF IT WHAT????
I was playing around with expressions and OMG, I think I unlocked something???
It was mostly from yesterday’s post, I liked the way I drew Pizza Head so I decided to try drawing him again (since it’s been a while) AND GOD I LOVE THESE‼️‼️‼️ Seriously started out rough but then I just kind rolled with it! I like it! I like it a lot‼️ 😆😆
Also since I drew Brick yesterday as well, I decided to change the way I draw him, just a bit 🤏
Today was so fun AAAHHH!!!! 💞💞💞💞💞💞
#Pizza Tower#Looking at these so proud 😌😌#I was on the coach for what- 3 hours? It was worth it- 💀#I think the way I’ll draw Brick for now on is what he looks like in game but the legs look just a TINY bit like baggy pants#Like have you ever seen animated animals have those legs that look baggy and the feet underneath#I’ve seen it somewhere I know I have but I don’t have a good example…Still I tried to make it look sorta like that-#And I like it! I think he’s looks adorable!! 😄😄💕💕#For Pizza Head I wanted to give more life in his expressions and poses#I think I did it well enough before hand but I want to express MORE of it#Like the better parts of it- Him looking smug him looking angry him looking annoyed etc#I like the one I colored and the one where he’s singing to himself- THAT one I had fun with he looks great 😂#I also like the one where he’s doing a raspberry#I did that one without a sketch!!#I’m basically trying to focus more on the expressions I think. I had the most fun with them and that’s the thing that made me realize I#need to put more life into him. He needs to be flexible#Sorry if I rambled to much- 😅 Just spilling my ideas. Hope you don’t mind 😂#Doodles#Pizza Head#Brick#Gustavo#Gustavo and Brick
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Me: just trying to read jason todd centric angst fic in peace
Tim drake 95% of the time: what if I made everything about meeeee I'm such a uwu abused neglected baby genius boy 🥺🥺who could do no wrong! See how I flinch and panic when Jason looks in my way!! Even though I'm supposed to be such a smart and tough badass robin worthy of my title unlike that stupid idiot 2nd robin who got himself killed and everything that ever happened to him was his fault because he beat me up one time and he disagreess with the almighty batman! :((((( I'm so terrified of him, but I'll forgive him, im so brave to face my "abuser." I'm such a good person who puts the mission first and emotion second, and B-b-b-because jason was my robin!! How could my inspiration betray me like this? im so insecure about my position as robin! I keep invading Jason's boundaries because I'm soooo smart! And that stupid idiot jason doesn't know. This is just how Bruce and I show love aren't such a good person with no flaws whatsoever? I may be born rich, but I'm the perfect philanthropist who has no internal biases against poor people and know the ins and outs of how to handle crime alley! I may even teach Jason something! Any good that ever happens to Jason is because of my interference , he should be forever grateful for having a brother like me and also forever guilty for beating me up one timeee, let's ignore the fact I fought back just as much and was conically still standing by the end. Jason should feel sooo guilty for existing in my presence that he feels obligated to cater to my emotional needs like a parent even though he's only three years older..I'll even guilt trip jason into taking care of Bruce's emotional needs because he's soooo sad and repressed his emotions! Even though Bruce and I never had a day in our lives where our needs were unable to be met and we never had a lack of support systems and jason spent spent his who childhood taking care of adults who should have been taking care of him. But I'm just so small and frail! I need taking care of and Bruce neglects me for that evil 9 year old, look at these brittle thin bones I'm so unhealthy and don't know how to take care of myself I need jason to do it even though I'm medically fit enough to be a vigilante and had enough support growing up to have access to good medical care and consistent nutrition. Oh, but i just don't know how to care for myself. I'm such a genius, but i can't figure out basic math like getting no sleep, and relying on coffee will lead to burnouts. I just want to keep going because I'm so loyal and noble. I can't waste a moment of time to save people! :))) look at all of these cutesy quirks I have no character development needed in fact all of my perceived character "flaws" are positive flaws or flaws that only negatively affect my uwu sad boy self rather than other characters or the plot!
#anti tim drake#sorry lol i had get this out#i would be less mad if i could escape it lol but no matter how many tags i put in the exclude section fanon tim uwu baby drake always ther#im pretty new to this fandom and ive only really read jason todd stuff so when i started reading fics i honest to god thought tim was a#5 years old#like sir what is wrong with you#just before writing this i was reasing a series of one shots that explore bruces abusive actions towards jason#in a way that batman got found out by jl and locked up. lolll so subsequently the batfam kids found out too#and there are multiple pages worth povs of tim Drake whining about how even if its abuse jason is still getting more attention from bruce#than him and i lost it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU#and like again i cant escape this shit fanon tim always have to be involved istg GO SOMEWHERE#like usually when i dislike a character from the fandom this much i try to get to know their canon ver to soften the blow ig#but when these weird contradictory#arbitrary made up mary- sue-like interpretations of a character is so widespread like this#i tend to think the actual character fucking sucks and his popularity is due to something not related to his character#srsly what do yall like abt. him bcs all i got is. smart. victim blamer. upper class baby. and his parent were vaguely non available.#and a big emphasis on 'vaguely'#how is any of this compelling????????#i came to this fandom bcs of jason todd but i slowly started like the rest of the robins like dick. steph. and especially Damian#but more and more evryday i find another reason to hate this motherfucker#ugh
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ohhh i just know magneto is so pathetic in bed constantly asking charles if he’s making him feel good and charles just praising him like 😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌
THIS IS WHAT I LOG ON TO THIS WEBSITE FOR 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
#nsft#dont look in here im filthy#snap chats#LETS GOOOOOO //SLAMS LOUD CORRECT BUZZER// now if i may cook.#see heres the thing i know charles is erik's favorite word....#erik dont even whimper or moan he'll just say charles' name with varying degrees of lust LARJALKRJG#see MY favorite flavor of erik is him starting out confident and Dare I Say cocky#until he inevitably melts into a desperate needy mess trying to maintain his composure (✿◡‿◡)#like walk with me walk with me: his breathing getting heavier as he presses his lips together trying to keep quiet Girls......#the only thing he allows himself to do is pant charles' name I Hope He Squirms And He Has To Try SO Hard To Maintain His Rhythm#i dont think erik would ever FULLY lose it but he'd be very close and that's still very hot to me.. maybe a bit more who's to say..#sorry .... i just like the Attempts at restraint but still seeing the chips and cracks in it.... like the dam never Fully being broken#but tantalizingly close enough until he comes ... like Cmon Just A Little More.. for some reason that tickles my brain (╯▽╰ )#bonus points if the script gets flipped and now charles gets a bit of a tude/ego with erik ....#dude fuck my tag limit HOW am i supposed to talk bout charles fuckin erik now !!!!!!#AND ITS SO EVIL CAUSE I KNOW CHARLES WOULD SPEAK SO SWEETLY yet in such context.... how lecherous..#LISTEN i just know he's a waist grabber i am certain charles is a waist grabber to keep erik steady while he rides him#'charles cant handle all that' is just my jealous cope because theres SO much to handle and i know charles handsy as hell#i KNOW he touching every curve and every groove on erik's body he doesnt enjoy himself Ever so my god he will indulge#see old people making out crazy tho Theyre Old they dont give a fuck and this is far from their first rodeo#they are shoving each other's tongues down their throats kinda gross if we're honest but what can you do...#thats just how they roll... esp if youre a repressed mfer like charles.#If We're Talking About Dams Breaking then charles is fully letting the dam break when he gets to be intimate with erik#I HAVE CLASS IN AN HOUR WHAT THA FUCKKKK NOW how am i supposed to think of old man sex. jesus christ this is a NIGHTMARE#ending my tags here i fear... sorry i typed up a whole lotta bull fuck i had to put the demons somewhere 😔 let these tags be my plum jar
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if project freelancer was good it'd be called project freakylancer
#rvb#red vs blue#sorry this is So bad it just came to me and i had to put it down somewhere before i forgot
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I went to continue playing Veilguard today and was instantly hit by everyone's wishes, problems and demands.
"Everyone's personal things need to be fixed."
BITCH YOU DONT NEED YOUR WEEKLY DINNER AND YOUR BROTHER IS JUST SOMEWHERE BEING EVIL AND I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT A SPARRING SESSION THERES GODS TRYING TO KILL US WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FOR 5 MINUTES!!
#dragon age#datv#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard spoilers#da: the veilguard#veilguard critical#sorry i just had to put this somewhere#I'm trying my best and i generally enjoy the game but my god#some of the quest design choices are questionable#sorry for the rambles
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here together
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobotomy corporation spoilers#abram lobcorp#i didnt know that the song that plays during day 48 ending is called 'here together'.#couldnt hear it well because i typically have my sound low (sensetive to louder sounds) and also the dialog fucked me up#so when i pressed on it to hear it. to actually listen to it. then to see the name and remember what it Looked like#i got teary eyed. sorry.#it happened quite. afew times when finishing this shitty thing#i was thinking of how camren's not quite corpse looked as if it were reaching out to him inside the container#how it looked as if she had wings. abrams words. the line from one story that was--#something like 'we were hoping it was just one big prank and she would hop out fro. around the corner with a smile on her face'#how do you move forward when all you think you cause is pain? when everything else youve done only brought to bring people you love to thei#downfall and demise inside agony and fear as they lay dying. none of that was merciful. none of that was just. they were told to carry on#her dream and he views as if all he had done was to become cruel and wasnt fit and never even began to finish what she started.#it was so striking to me. the language he used. sleeping. alseep. waken. when all the others never sugarcoated it#in lobcorp they always said it straight. 'suicide' 'killed' 'dead'. but he used something far more.. peaceful? kind in wording in a way.#softer. describing death as if it were a merciful thing. an end that suits them and not something to be afraid of. to just... sink. to slee#to be with carmen again. to put everything to an end#the place they built with their hands. to have it just... stop. not in a way of repeating and staying in the moment#but of a permanent end. to 'sleep'. to die. to just.... stop. forever. to see no more. to do no more#to not be able to do Anything for when ever he had done Something it just cause agony. cruel hands partaking in acts he so deeply#regrets. everything is just regret. it sounds nice. to move on. to just move forward. but how can you move forward when all you think you#bring to those you cherished and couldnt leave behind is pain?#ill likely move this somewhere else as well. ive been meaning to talk about abram#the rest as well actually. mostly just the few final days w abel adam and abram since i am STUCK ON DAY 49#oh dear i uh typed a lot in the tags. oops
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hot take? i don't think blurryface is going to be "defeated" by the end of the lore. he might be the villain of the story but at the same time he's a living part of tyler as well. i think they'll win, but not completely eradicate the existence of blurryface. they might suppress him, or learn to peacefully coexist with him, or outgrow his influence or whatever - that's the "managing the tension" part. we also have to keep in mind that tyler is still struggling to some extent with his insecurities and vulnerabilities (though he's gotten much better ofc) and i think that aspect will be reflected in his art.
besides, they've said that some people might not like the ending, which insinuates we won't be getting a perfectly hunky-dory happy ending. i also don't think tyler is the type to give this kind of story a sunshines and rainbows type of closure.
the core message of twenty one pilots, although it has certainly evolved over the years, is that it's fine to be not okay, but you must fight for your survival. i think that the lore ending will leave us with the message that broken as we are, we have to stay alive AND push on through - and before you know it, you'll be in a much better place than when you first started.
#i feel like ive said this before so apologies if it sounds repetitive#i just had to get it out#and to add#i was in a godawful fucking state when i first started listening to tøp#but i am doing much much better now#i have friends i have a job i graduated i function fairly normally in life#but that doesnt mean my blurryface is gone#i still struggle and some parts of me feel perpetually broken#whats comforting though is that my ability to regulate my feelings and life have gotten much stronger#sometimes i do feel like ive relapsed and its terrible#'ive been praying for my elasticity to return to the way that it was'#but when that horrible moment passes i realize that i actually have become better and stronger#i keep myself alive and push on through#im still working on learning to lessen the burden i put on myself#and coexist with my blurryface#but i am getting somewhere#sorry for babbling and venting but what i wanted to say is that#i relate to where the trench story is going and itd make sense for blurry to still be there by the end of it all#just with less power over tyler#tøp#twenty one pilots#clancy#blurryface#my god these tags be so long lmfao
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i hope whatever weird thing thats wrong with me is resolved by the concert next month bc if its not im really not seeing how i'll be able to go
#im used to having health problems and usually they dont stress me too much. im good at compartmentalizing it away into a little folder#but this time its just completely weird and nothing ive ever had before and its driving me crazy bc ive been to the doctors 3 times#no help no idea wait until october 3 and its getting more painful and weird every day i keep needing to lay down for hours#and just doing anything womens health related is already a fucking struggle like i dont want to be doing any of this usually i dont#get stressed like this but ive never experienced this so it is freaking me out bc my aunt had weird cancer and my uncles been just diagnose#with stage 4 and hes been given 18months and my grandma died last year can you just take me serious for once#anyway sorry for the monday morning vent but if i dont put this somewhere im gonna have an actual freak out
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