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lostyetfinding · 1 year ago

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maybe I should kiss you

Inspired by Kissin' When We're Mad by We Three Hoseok and Yoongi have been dating for years, always prioritizing Bangtan because their job isn't simple. Now suddenly, their relationship isn't simple. Yoongi is shutting down, Hoseok is spending too much time in the dance studio... or This song started playing on my playlist and I got excited so here you go.

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"Okay that's all guys, take a week and give yourselves some rest," their manager closes his notebook and quickly exits the room. Hoseok doesn't want to imagine all the things he is dealing with so the boys can have a couple weeks off.

Namjoon turns to all of them, stepping up as always, "seriously though we need the rest. After 7 releases they are discussing another tour. Personally, I'm headed to my parents house, but feel free to call if you need anything."

"Yah!" Seokjin exclaims.

Namjoon just groans, "yes, hyung?"

Seokjin lightly smacks the back of the leader's head, "I'm glad you remember you aren't the oldest. Why would they need you? I'm the hyung."

Hoseok glances over at Yoongi to see if he is going to join in. The three of them agreed to keep Namjoon from having too much on his plate a long time ago.

But his boyfriend is just sitting there. Years of staring at his face, observing him, allows Hoseok to conclude that Yoongi isn't there. His boyfriend is lost in thought. Or maybe he is playing a melody he likes, he could simply be thinking about dinner.

Hoseok just smiles. Glancing back over at the others he sees the maknae's teaming up to discuss plans and Seokjin in the middle just enjoying the noise.

Looking around this conference room, he feels like he knows them as well as his dance routines. The fights they avoided for the sake of each other are a beat. Small moments the melodies, and those memories he holds close are the major chords. Hoseok can predict every note.

He reaches for Yoongi's hand, just for the comfort of physical contact. Grazing the long bony fingers and beginning to intertwine them.

Yoongi pulls away.

Suddenly the song he thought he knew has a sour chord ringing through it. He falters, feet fumbling with his steps.

When he looks over at Yoongi all he sees is a blank stare. The older is present now but he is masking his emotions.

He is blocking Hoseok out.

And Hoseok has no idea why.

° ♤ ° ♤ °

The first week of his break is a blur. Yoongi and him had planned to go to the beach, cold at this time of year, and just enjoy the views together.

However, Yoongi is avoiding him. Hoseok sleeps alone in his room and barely sees his boyfriend.

Even when Seokjin calls them together for a meal since the other 4 are gone, somehow Yoongi is always too far away.

So Hoseok sulks.

He sulks and he dances.

Because he couldn't predict this. Because he cannot talk to his boyfriend. And because he knows it finally happened.

Yoongi got annoyed with him, Hoseok was too much.

He throws his thoughts into angry dance moves. Every step becoming a stomp and every arm movement is sharp.

His torso twists and it's not smooth, it's sudden and harsh. Hoseok knows the steps. Even when he is improvising.

"I gave you 7 days," Seokjin's voice overlaps the angry rap playing. Suddenly the song is gone and all he can hear is the elder. "I gave you 7 days to mope and work yourself to a pulp. We are done now. Time to be a grown up Hoseok-ah."

All Hoseok does in response is go grab his water. "I don't know what you are talking about hyung."

Seokjin just glares following him to the benches and doing that hip pop he started as a joke. Putting all the weight on the right foot and tilting his head in disapproval.

"You and Yoongi have been dating for forever. We all agreed to be okay with it as long as there was no major drama. And if there was we were permitted to call you out." Seokjin won't move and Hoseok does his best to avoid eye contact, just sipping water.

"Hoseok-ah, this is drama. You guys aren't speaking. Both of you are locked away in studios and I can't even tell if you are eating or not!" That's when his hyung gets really expressive, his hands moving around with a purpose that Hoseok cannot determine.

He sighs, "I didn't do this hyung, he just stopped talking to me. Maybe I missed something or maybe he finally realized I'm too much. All I know is I'm not going to push him."

Hoseok allows himself to look up then, and is met with eyes full of anger. Anger directed at him.

"Are you an idiot?"

Hoseok is shocked by the words his hyung says. He expected expletives and blame.

"Hoseok you are not too much and if something happened you have to actually ask him, it's called COMMUNICATION remember?" Seokjin is saying thing he couldn't have predicted.

He finally sits and sets down the water, "hyung that's just the problem. He loves the quiet and I cannot stop talking. I'm loud and like going to parties and waking up at Sunrise. He hates all of that. So why would I go to him and say more words? He hates those."

Seokjin won't accept the lack of eye contact so he crouches down in front of his deafening dongsaeng.

"Okay, if he doesn't like words and talking maybe try asking with something he does like, could you at least try that?" Voice soft and the words slow.

"What would that mean?" "He hasn't left his studio all week," is Seokjin's only reply. He gets up and walks to the door as if the conversation is over.

"Wait hyung," Hoseok calls out. "He's your boyfriend, you know him. Fix it. And do it before the maknaes are back. You know how freaked out they get when you two fight." And with that Seokjin is out the door.

Hoseok is alone in a silent studio, covered in sweat, and utterly lost.

Communicate but not by talking? Do it in a way Yoongi would like? What does that even mean?

Yoongi likes sunsets and winter. He likes bundling up in blankets like a burrito. Yoongi likes basketball and movies late at night. More than anything Yoongi likes the piano, his music trumps Hoseok any day. And that has never bothered him. He understands.

Music is like the blood in his veins just like dance is his.

Music

Thats it

That's how Yoongi communicates best. With a beat and a melody and lyrics that he works on for hours.

And Hoseok knows how to do it all.

° ♤ ° ♤ °

Seokjin informs him he has 8 more days. So Hoseok asks if Seokjin can deliver 1 meal a day to his music studio and promises to fix it.

Of course he ends up with 3 meals a day, at least 1 hand delivered by his hyung each day. Every time Seokjin demands to watch him eat.

His floor becomes a mess of torn pages, his hands even have lyrics on them from when Seokjin forced him to go shower and he had an idea on the way back.

Hoseok cannot imagine how bad his hair looks and his clothes are a whole other story.

But he only has 2 days left.

And he finished. So it's now or never.

*knock knock*

Shifting on his feet and waiting everything bad goes through his mind. Yoongi just slamming the door, angry words, yelling, broken hearts.

Then Yoongi's face is there. His eyes puffy from sleeping.

"Um hi hyung, I know you aren't talking to me and you are busy but I wrote this song and I want your opinion," Hoseok says and then he stops. He shuts his mouth and tries really hard to not speak again.

Yoongi just leans on the door and runs a hand over his face then his hair.

Hoseok just watches, he notices that Yoongi is wearing his hoodie. Yoongi smells like his cologne. Yoongi has bags under his eyes.

Then Yoongi is speaking, "Okay I guess."

Hoseok holds back a smile. "Thanks, I promise it'll be fast hyung."

In Hoseok's opinion the walk is torture.

Complete silence.

No physical contact.

Yoongi even keeps himself on the other side of the hallway.

But Hoseok respects the space. He clenches his fist instead of reaching out.

Even when he holds the door open for his boyfriend, the other man stays as far away as he can.

Yoongi seats himself on the edge of the couch. As close to the door as he can.

It's fine. It's all fine. Hoseok just has to take a deep breathe and play the song.

"Okay so it's rough and has no title, I used my vocals but I think all it needs is the guys and some polishing." He tries to limit his words. Moving quickly to sit in his chair and press play.

Hoseok breathes deep and promises himself whatever happens is okay. He tried.

It starts with soft piano notes, very quiet and met with some vocals he autotuned a lot. The crescendo into his lyrics.

He can't help watching Yoongi.

𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩

𝘖𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘰

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩

Yoongi taps his foot to the beat. His eyes get a little wide when lyrics suggest no 'i love yous'.

Hoseok looks down, not able to watch him for this specfic part.

𝘋𝘰 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵

𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴?

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘶𝘴𝘦 '𝘦m

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨

As the chorus begins, Hoseok allows his head to lift up. To see how Yoongi is staring right at him. The look in his eyes is so much.

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥

𝘊𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘵

Yoongi leans back, maintaining eye contact.

𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥

A raise of the eyebrows.

𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥

Hoseok accounts seeing Yoongi's head shake to his bouncing knee. Why would he?

𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺-𝘧𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥

Hoseok struggles to fight the urge to look away. Yoongi's eyes still too clouded for him to read.

𝘋𝘰 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵

𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘱𝘪𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮

Yoongi stands up. Starting to walk and Hoseok just closes his eyes.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶-

Suddenly the song is off.

Yoongi must have turned it off, which makes Hoseok open his eyes again.

He is greeted with the sight of his boyfriend standing right in front of him. Yoongi gestures to his lap and he just nods dumbly, unable to comprehend what is happening. Hoseok sloppily gets up and straddles Yoongi's lap.

"Hoseok-ah," Yoongi whispers. Then his forehead is pressed to Hoseok's. "You don't use too many words. Never."

All he can think to respond with is basic. "But hyung you hate people talking all the time?"

"You aren't people, Hoseok-ah." And he finally releases a relieved sigh.

Yoongi keeps talking, "Don't tell me you love me too much, it's perfect, I like hearing it. Like you repeating it inbetween kisses."

Hoseok just lifts his hands to Yoongi's hips. Finally allowing himself to touch, and in return he gets his boyfriend's arms around his shoulders.

"You always make me feel loved, I am the one who is bad at that. Hoseok-ah you have the purest heart and you always make sure to do things for me."

Good god, he can see Yoongi letting a slight smile onto his face.

Yoongi hums, "Like the chorus though."

Hoseok can't hide the shock in his voice, "Yeah?"

"Mhm." Suddenly Yoongi pulls his face back, looking at Hoseok deeply. "Always want to kiss my Hoba even if I am mad at you. Always want your hand in mine, love."

And then Hoseok experiences the best crescendo ever.

Yoongi's lips meet his, just a brush. But his weight is fully on Hoseok and his boyfriend's breathe is on his face.

If Hoseok were to dance this he would have to learn one of those ballet leaps Jimin does. Light and airy. He would do it when the music grows louder.

Of course it cannot last forever. When Yoongi pulls away Hoseok does his best to form a sentence.

"But hyung I thought you were tired of me?" Yoongi's eyes go wide.

"What do you mean tired?"

"Like you finally realized I was too much and you needed a break or me to go away."

Yoongi chuckles, dropping his head onto Hoseok's shoulder and kissing his neck. "Baby, I told you a long time ago that I would never be tired of you. You are my sunshine, the only person I would willingly wake up for or allow to pull me away from my piano."

"B-but," Hoseok stammers. His brain is malfunctioning. His hyung is complimenting him and he still doesn't know what he did wrong.

"Hoba I was mad about the fight we had, the night before that last meeting?" Yoongi ends it in a question, clearly looking for understaning.

Hoseok nods dumbly. Unaware that his mouth is open in a cute little o.

"We fought about those apartment listings and how you wanted us to get a shared apartment. Not seperate ones."

"Cause I didn't want hyung far away," Hoseok mumbles.

For him that fight had been a blip. It didn't even seem like a fight, it had only been 4 sentences. They were interrupted by Jungkook and dinner.

Yoongi gives him another kiss on the neck. "Yeah, and I was angry at first. Felt like you didn't respect my need for space."

Hoseok opens his mouth, rushing to speak. He doesn't get the chance because suddenly Yoongi is in front of him, Yoongi's finger is on his lips.

"I said at first Hoba." Yoongi only removing his finger once Hoseok closes his mouth. "Then I went to my studio. I sulked and made angry, aggressive beats. But then Seokjin showed up, he let me have a day before coming and asking if something was wrong. Hoseok-ah, I used to shut myself in my studio for days and never come out. But now I have someone to get home to, so I come home."

Yoongi smiles, "I realized I was scared. I was scared of having a home with just you, of you missing all the noise of the others and getting mad at me for being too quiet."

Hoseok knows better than to try and speak, so all he does is shake his head.

"I know, it was just me being insecure. Just like when you thought I got tired of you right?" Yoongi hums, smiling and giving Hoseok another brief kiss before continuing. "So then I started writing lyrics about that. I wanted to sort my thoughts."

"But when I went to the dorms after a couple days, hyung told me you had been sleeping in the dance studio. I did try and go to talk to you but instead I just watched for a minute and you seemed so angry, I thought I messed up."

"No, no hyung, was mad at myself."

Yoongi's hand pets his cheek, he can feel the metal of all the rings.

"Well I didn't know that then, I am bad at this stuff Hoba. I just walked away because I was scared. I was scared of you having me in all your space all the time and hating it. I was scared seeing you mad."

They both just watch each other. Letting the hum of all the equipment be the only sound for a moment.

"What about now, hyung?" Hoseok asks. His eyes are wide and bright, he doesn't know it but this is what Yoongi calls his puppy dog face.

"Still a little scared, we have been doing this so long Hoba, what if you don't like it when it's just us?"

Hoseok smiles. "But hyung, it's just us now. It's been just you and me every night for a long time. Yeah the guys were in the dorm with us, but we were just us."

"When we shut the door it was us, they weren't there. Was that ever bad hyung? Was I ever hurt that you didn't talk every minute?"

Yoongi shakes his head slowly. "No, but-"

"No, hyung, because I love you and I love being with you, even if we are just sitting in the same room."

"So when the guys started talking about moving out, getting places to live. Well all I could imagine was an apartment full of our stuff. Full of you. I want that," Hoseok leans foreward, kissing Yoongi.

He makes it deeper this time, running the tip of his tongue across the seam of Yoongi's lips. He presses himself down on Yoongi's lap as he grips his hair. When he pulls away, Yoongi whines.

"Hyung if you are scared that is fine. I know you don't like talking about feelings like this but you do have to tell me. We almost made Seokjin-hyung lose his mind." That gets him a laugh, and a small smile. "So if you want we can get different apartments, I am okay with that, we can live together when you are ready. I only require being allowed to be in the same bed as you most nights." Hoseok gives him a bright smile. Feeling the weight of the last 2 weeks lift.

He isn't bothered when Yoongi doesn't respond, knowing that his hyung is probably thinking. He just nuzzels into Yoongi's neck and starts kissing him. Light and long, he even considers sucking on the skin a little. They have another week off and it would disappear by then.

He is still debating it when Yoongi speaks.

"I want a home with you."

That makes him pause. Lips still on Yoongi's neck, but his breathe is catching, going faster now as his heart beats harder.

"Hoba, I am scared but I still want it."

Hoseok needs to see his eyes. Needs to be able to analyze the facial expressions. Yoongi has his eyebrows up and his lips beautifully pink from the kissing.

"Hyung it's okay to wait, I don't want to pressure you," Hoseok reassures him once he can look into his eyes. Grazing his hand along Yoongi's side to bring it to his cheek.

Yoongi leans into it. "Hoseok-ah I don't want to wait, I think it's okay that I am scared. I am scared everytime we release an album or have a concert but I love them. I love you and you are right, I don't want to go to bed without you so why waste money on seperate places?"

"So you want to start looking at places with me?" Hoseok asks.

In response Yoongi grabs the back of Hoseok's hair and kisses him deeply. Biting at Hoseok's bottom lip as he tries to pull the younger man impossibly closer.

When they pull away Hoseok starts laughing, "I guess that's a yes!"

° ♤ ° ♤ °

They find a beautiful apartment. Big windows for Hoseok, sleek minimalist furniture for Yoongi. They will it slowly with parts of them.

Somehow the members also add into what an interior designer would call chaos.

But it's warm and it's theirs.

And they kiss when mad!

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