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ruvviks · 2 years ago

Text

– Playground.

Characters >> Vitali Dobrynin (oc), a bunch of oc side characters Total >> 5.3k words Warnings >> Alcohol, drugs, NSFW (public :^/, unprotected, rough, mentions of other sexual activities which are most definitely questionable choices on Vitali’s end), some mentions of semi-gendered pre-op body parts on a trans man’s body Context >> Vitali is in college and has lost contact with both his family and his best friend, leaving him mostly to his own devices and he’s not handling it very well

‘Hey, that’s- that’s my dress!’

‘So? You’re not wearing it-’

‘You fucking slut- Give it back!’

‘No!’

Vitali found himself in a spacious bathroom, positioned at the double sink made from black marble in front of a large mirror covering most of the wall. He was surrounded by girls- Jen’s friends, people he did not know by name and did not want to get to know better- and largely ignored their high-pitched shrieking while carefully applying his eyeliner.

They had a party at a local BD club; a fancy one at that, one session costing nearly as much as three months rent, but with her parents’ money Jen had been able to rent the place for the night. The party itself would be anything but fancy, though- Vitali knew exactly what kind of people were going to show up, and already felt a bit sorry for next day’s cleaning crew.

‘You going to run off by yourself again, babe?’ Jen asked, popping up right next to him without warning and startling him to the point he nearly ruined his makeup. ‘We’re gonna smoke pot on the roof terrace with Stacey’s boyfriend and his chooms.’

‘Nick’s there,’ Vitali bluntly answered.

‘Gross! V, Jesus- Just come with me?’

‘Don’t wait up.’

Vitali cared very little for Jen’s plans. He did not even like her- and he knew the feeling was most definitely mutual, yet Jen kept him around because he was the only straight-A student willing to share his notes and homework with her.

‘Bite his dick off when you’re done with him,’ Jen said, plucking Vitali’s eyeliner out of his hand the moment he lowered it to put it down with the rest of his stuff. ‘Don’t let him use you like that.’

‘Paying customer,’ Vitali shrugged in response. ‘I need cash.’

Jen rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t we all.’

Vitali glanced around. Not really, no.

He quickly gathered all his hair behind his head and pulled it in a bun; his signature style at this point, but the only one he was comfortable with- while sober, at least.

Jen reached out for him again, eyeliner already back on the sink despite not having been used by her yet, and she opened the two top buttons of his cropped, short-sleeved button-up to reveal part of his chest. No binder, that night- or anything else for that matter- unnecessary, since no one cared anyway and everyone knew he was a man.

Those who dared to question it always ended up unrecognizable for a week or two.

‘If you’re gonna whore yourself out do it properly at least,’ Jen mumbled. ‘Already wearing long jeans- show some skin, babe.’

‘My tits are going to fall out.’ Vitali tried to protest, but Jen clicked her tongue over his complaining and pulled his light blue denims up a bit higher by the waistband.

‘They’re good tits, V. People should be grateful to get a glimpse of that.’

Alright, she had a point. Still, Vitali redid one of the buttons.

He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror while Jen grabbed his eyeliner again and leaned forward to start applying it. The other girls paid them no attention, still yelling at each other about their clothes and whoever it was they all wanted to hook up with that night-

Except for Stacy, of course. But if anything she was the only one there in need of a better output.

‘We finish at 2 AM,’ Jen said. ‘No minute later. Leaving for my father’s bar- we can get the good stuff there, then we’ll split up for Clouds and- well, whatever food place is still open, probably, for whoever doesn’t wanna go.’ A pause. ‘You listening?’

‘2 AM for afterparty at your father’s bar,’ Vitali answered, absently brushing a loose strand of hair out of his face.

‘Clouds after?’

‘No thanks.’

‘Whatever. Your loss.’

It’s a terrible place. I’m not losing anything.

Vitali clenched his jaw, but wisely did not respond anymore.

1:38 AM.

Vitali was wasted, yet unnoticeably so as always; looking as exhausted and absent as he always did, thousand yard stare into nothing while slowly navigating through the dense crowd of the club, face and arms by then already covered in neon body paint.

Wasted, and high; while he was not liked by his peers all that much, he had still been offered enough drags from joints for the effects to take place. He knew they still contained nicotine, and he had made someone the promise to stop smoking, but-

Well, that someone wasn’t there. Not anymore.

The music was loud, even with his earbuds in. Vitali had spent hours on the dancefloor already, first with Jen and some other girls, then with Jackie who had unexpectedly showed up- had briefly made out with him, even, two separate times- and then with a few random guys he had never seen before, some of which had also had the pleasure of getting a taste of Vitali’s lips.

He left the club’s main hall, darting into the hallway with the restrooms and braindance corners. Some people stumbled right into him and he was met with some laughter and yelled apologies- he politely smiled back and forcefully pushed them aside, moving deeper into the hallway.

His eyes were pulled into some of the BD rooms- people sitting on dirty couches wearing special headsets, hands stuffed in their own clothes, or others’ clothes- or hands explicitly traveling over bodies, clothes already on the floor- while making the most obscene noises, audible above the music.

Were it not for the man standing close by, waiting for him, Vitali would have joined.

He recognized him, even in the dark and with his limited eyesight now that he was under the influence of several things at once. A tall figure, broad-shouldered, pretty-faced- covered in neon body paint as well, several smudges decorating his cheeks and lips, telling Vitali he was not going to be the first of the night.

‘Vito.’

Nick could barely stand on his legs anymore, swaying from side to side as he reached for Vitali’s waist and dragged him closer, lips finding his with ease- he tasted like overly expensive wine, tobacco, and chewing gum.

‘Nicky,’ Vitali replied into the kiss, grabbing the man’s hips and dragging him with until his own back was pressed solidly against the wall of the hallway and they were out of the way for people passing by. ‘Where have you been?’

‘Around,’ was the only answer he received. Nick leaned in and pressed his lips against Vitali’s neck, hands eagerly traveling over his body- a man of actions, and especially when piss drunk he usually wasted no time.

Vitali hummed in response and rested his head against the wall as Nick began to grind against him; lips curled up into a small smile the moment he felt a bulge press prominently against his thigh.

‘Have been waiting for you,’ Nick mumbled, pressing their bodies together as close as he could while reaching for Vitali’s hair and undoing his bun. ‘Worried you wouldn’t show.’

‘Don’t.’ Vitali repositioned himself against the wall and shook his head a bit, hair dropping down past and over his shoulders, some strands falling forward and covering his face. ‘When I inevitably ditch you I will let you know.’

Nick grabbed a handful of his hair and tugged on it hard to tilt Vitali’s head up and to kiss the underside of his jaw. Vitali allowed him- strangely aroused by Nick’s rough eagerness, and strangely comfortable in his locked position against the wall.

He did not worry. If Nick would truly hurt him, Vitali could break his skull with ease if he wanted to. And Nick knew that.

‘Vito- Relax, baby.’

Nick had clearly noticed the remaining tension in Vitali’s body, and he looked up again and smiled. ‘Wanna grab a room?’

Vitali blinked slowly and glanced around- and made direct eye-contact with another guy a few feet away, chest pressed against the wall, hips rolling back into the thrusts of his partner.

He turned his head back to Nick and leaned closer-

‘Just get it over with.’

Vitali took out his earbuds and allowed the music from the club to swallow him whole, surrendering himself to the overwhelming sensations clouding his mind. Nick immediately pressed him hard into the wall, lips on his neck again, hands traveling down- briefly fumbling with Vitali’s pants before yanking them down- and finding their way to him, like countless times before.

‘Damn, baby,’ he breathed, his teeth grazing past Vitali’s skin and his fingers running over him. ‘Got nothing for me?’

‘Medication side effects,’ Vitali plainly answered, dipping his head to press it against Nick’s shoulder.

Motherfucker. You haven’t made me wet since your first chance.

Why Vitali kept coming back, he was no longer sure. He needed the distraction, he guessed- though plenty of men around to fuck, so why Nick?

Safety, familiarity. Nicky was not good, but he was desperate- and respectful as he could be, unprejudiced and surprisingly smart enough to know better than to use the wrong words in a certain context.

Yes, even when barely present anymore because of whatever he had been smoking or drinking. That was probably why Vitali couldn’t stay away.

Nick pulled the top buttons of Vitali’s shirt open, pushing the left of it aside to reveal part of his bare chest. Vitali allowed him to move his head down and get closer, press his tongue against him- and to grab his chest and squeeze hard while his tongue licked all the way back up to Vitali’s jaw.

Yes, it felt good. No, Vitali was not all that impressed anymore. Nick had a limited set of tricks which he cycled through and- even though Vitali always stayed open-minded and patient with others- it was starting to bore him a bit.

‘You look good,’ Nick breathed, fingers making a messy attempt at jerking Vitali off as his other hand ran through his hair again. ‘Dressed up for me?’

‘Sure,’ Vitali replied, gently tugging on his own shirt until the other half of his chest was also exposed to the hot and stuffy air of the club. Nick took the bait without hesitation, teeth grazing past Vitali’s hardened nipple as he moaned against his skin.

And Vitali surrendered again, raising his arms above his head and draping them over his hair as he rolled his hips forward on the beat of the music and allowed Nick to touch him wherever he pleased. His head was starting to spin a little, throbbing in his half-pulled down boxer briefs as he yearned for more stimulation, dry humping the air.

Oh, what a good distraction it was. No more worries about anything- just him, a partner- or two, or three, on other occasions- the heat between them and the building tension in his body. The loud music was a nice touch; as were the noises of other people’s pleasure surrounding him- at least, what he could hear of it.

Nick had lowered his own pants now, hand rapidly pumping up and down as quick relief- and he did not waste any time, grabbing Vitali’s underwear and pulling it down far enough to be able to force his legs apart and he rubbed himself eagerly over Vitali’s crotch, throbbing, and already moaning in his ear.

And then he slowly pushed in- ‘Mmh-! So tight…’- deeper and deeper- ‘Fuck, baby- feels so fucking good…’- and Vitali rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around Nick’s broad shoulders, a quiet gasp leaving his lips when he bottomed out way too soon. A girl passed by them, her eyes finding Vitali’s- and she leaned over Nick, standing on her tiptoes, to kiss Vitali and push her tongue into his mouth.

A heavenly distraction from those first few thrusts, she tasted like sweetened liquor and candy- her hands soft and soothing on Vitali’s skin as she cupped his face and hummed contently into the kiss. She let go, yet kept their heads as steady in place as the light bounce of Vitali’s body allowed and she watched until his eyes glossed over, and a shaky sigh of relief finally left his lips.

‘Good boy,’ she mouthed at him, and for a split second Vitali wondered if she was even real- a complete stranger, like most others from earlier that night, yet so sweet and gentle to the point Vitali doubted her entire existence. Mind playing tricks on him, possibly-

But the girl kissed him again and that sweet, overwhelming taste of liquor and candy convinced him otherwise, and for a brief moment it was as if Nick was not there at all.

They parted, and Vitali sighed once more as he rested his face against Nick’s, hands grabbing the back of his hair as he was lifted up a bit at the next, deep thrust. He watched the girl take out a black marker, and allowed her to leave her number on the backside of his arm-

He would not call her back. She deserved better than him.

‘You’ve been saving yourself for me,’ Nick falsely stated between grunts as the girl wandered off again, his lips wet against Vitali’s skin and his hands tightly locking his hips in place.

‘Bold assumption,’ Vitali merely responded, vividly recalling his quickie in the communal restroom of the college dorm of Stacey’s boyfriend with said man, from only the day before.

‘Hey, now. Be nice.’

Nick slowed down, reaching up to Vitali’s face and grabbing his chin to tilt his head up- but Vitali instantly made a biting motion at him, causing Nick to quickly pull his hand back.

‘I am not nice,’ he said, hands moving down to the back and sides of Nick’s neck and he pulled him closer, applying light pressure as he did and causing him to moan quietly.

‘Now go on- Fuck me. I know you want to.’

Another quiet moan and grunt left Nick’s lips when Vitali tightened around him, and he continued- picking up his pace, and his force, and Vitali lightly winced when Nick lifted up his right leg a bit too high and his groin painfully protested.

Should see a doc for that.

‘Come on, baby,’ Nick grunted in his ear, squeezing Vitali’s thigh. He shifted position- finally hitting the right spot and Vitali gasped, grabbing the back of the other man’s shirt and pulling him closer as another hard thrust caused his teeth to clack together and his back to chafe the wall.

Yes, Nick was desperate- but so was Vitali, as embarrassing as it was for him to admit. Deprived entirely from the comfort he had once had when he had still been in high school- an emptiness in him that needed to be filled, but nobody could- nobody came even close- so he sought out distraction after distraction and took every opportunity he could get to feel something again.

And oh, it was not good- but it was good enough, locked against the wall, Nick buried deep inside him and holding him up by his ass, wildly chasing his own finish as he moaned Vitali’s name with closed eyes and red cheeks.

And he went deeper, and harder, finally forcing a moan from Vitali’s lips and causing his eyes to flutter shut. He arched his back, humming when Nick eagerly cupped his chest again- another shaky moan, and building tension- but it was not enough yet, not nearly close enough, but Nick’s release followed with a gasp and a relieved sigh into Vitali’s ear while he filled him up and lazily thrusted it deeper in.

Classic.

A pause, as Nick buried his face in the crook of Vitali’s neck, his hot breath heavy against his skin. Vitali reached for the man’s back pocket and found a lighter and a joint- he flicked it out, leaned over Nick’s shoulder to put it between his lips and he lit it, raising his eyebrows when Nick grunted and rolled his hips forward a final time, lifting Vitali’s body up a little as he pressed him tighter into the wall.

‘Not enough yet?’ Vitali asked, sucking in a breath and slipping Nick’s lighter into the chest pocket of his own shirt before leaning back against the wall. Nick did not answer him- instead, he held still again, both hands moving up to Vitali’s chest once more and his lips traveling back up to his jaw.

Yeah, he was far gone. But it mattered little to Vitali, taking another drag as he let his eyes wander into the hallway again; the boys next to them had finished up and slowly made their way past them, the taller one giving Vitali a wink when he walked by.

Vitali arched his back again to push his chest closer to Nick’s touch, the back of his head rolling over the wall as he looked up at the ceiling to expose more of his neck- but Nick pulled back now, his hunger finally sated, and an exasperated sigh left Vitali’s lips as he dropped himself back against the wall entirely and lifted his arm.

A glance at his watch- 2:19 AM.

Jen’s gonna kill me.

Nick pulled out and fixed his clothing, suddenly acting as if Vitali was not even there. Vitali merely watched- it was no new situation to him- and he left his joint dangle from his lips as he hooked his arms behind his back, waiting for Nick to finish and redirect his attention to him.

And he got what he wanted; of course he did. Exposed like he was- shirt open, pants down- in the hallway of a club no less- truly a sight for sore eyes, and Nick hummed as he grabbed Vitali’s waist and made him sway along to the music a bit.

‘You’re hot,’ he said, another smile spreading on his face as he leaned forward again.

‘I know.’ Vitali rested his head against the wall to avoid another kiss and puffed some smoke in Nick’s face. ‘Pay up.’

Even in the darkness Vitali could see a shadow wash over his face, but it did him nothing. He did not ask much- but he needed the money, already having lost his second job in a short period of time and his savings steadily running out.

‘Seriously?’ Nick huffed and mockingly rolled his eyes. ‘V, come on. We can’t keep doing this.’

‘No protection.’ Vitali took another drag from his joint and slightly turned his hips away when Nick squeezed his ass. ‘No prep. Did not even get to cum. Eddies- stat.’

Oh, now the man just looked pathetic.

Like a kicked puppy, Nick briefly removed his hands from Vitali’s body- eyes big upon learning he apparently was not the pleaser he thought himself to be. Vitali shrugged and reached down, to pull up his boxer briefs and pants again.

‘No- No, baby, wait,’ Nick immediately said and stopped him, then lowered through his knees. Vitali rolled his eyes again- but allowed Nick to wrap his arms around his thighs and take him into his mouth without hesitation; though Vitali knew it was no longer out of eagerness, but merely to get it over with.

And again it was nothing special- some sucking and prodding, fingers finding their way back inside but reaching not far enough to hit any good spot- but at least he was there, and in that moment it was better than having to do the job himself.

Vitali took a long drag and closed his eyes, humming along to the music as Nick worked. When he opened them again, there was someone else with them- a man, around his own age, staring without shame, and Vitali reached out for his hand and pulled him closer.

Kiss, after kiss, after kiss- no one ever stayed. Well, Jackie did- but they were friends, nothing more. Vitali did not want to let it get to that.

But it was good, to kiss- to get lost in it, to be that close to someone- and especially in that moment it was exactly what Vitali needed, a second set of hands on his body and lips against his own as Nick’s mouth between his legs finally started to cause more blood to rush down, arousal running through his torso.

Okay, it felt alright now. Whether it was the alcohol, the weed, the soreness, the kiss, his exhaustion- Vitali was unsure. But he did not care, either. He rolled his hips forward, grabbing a handful of Nick’s hair as he dragged him closer while breaking his kiss, the stranger briefly moving his mouth to Vitali’s neck before taking his joint from him and putting it between his own lips.

‘That’s it, baby,’ Vitali moaned, reaching for his own chest and squeezing, pretending his hand was someone else’s. Nick hummed against him, the vibrations tightening the knot in Vitali’s stomach, the building heat-

Another kiss, parted lips against his own, tongue finding its way into his mouth and he moaned again. Yes, it felt good- the warm, hazy feeling in his head more so than the act itself- it felt good to not worry, to not care-

And Vitali sighed as relief washed over him, eyes rolling back in their sockets and legs momentarily giving out, to the point only Nick’s hands were holding him up.

‘Dripping, now,’ Nick mumbled. ‘Good, baby- that’s what I like to see.’

Shut up, cunt. That’s mostly just your own fucking fluids, not mine.

Silence, as Nick slowly got back up on his feet. The other man was still there, leaving kisses on Vitali’s jaw and cheek, hand having found its way to his chest too and thumb rubbing over his nipple.

‘Meet me behind the club, ten minutes,’ he said into Vitali’s ear. ‘I can do much better.’

Vitali believed him. Yet said nothing as the stranger wandered off, with no intent on ever following him-

He deserved better than Vitali. Much, much better.

Nick leaned in- Vitali had momentarily forgotten about him- his lips still parted and glossy as he tried to kiss him; but Vitali pushed his fingers against Nick’s mouth and pushed him back, creating a distance between them.

‘Three-fourth of full price,’ he bluntly said.

A small discount. For a lousy orgasm.

‘You’re a fucking cunt,’ Nick spat at him, pushing him back against the wall and reaching down again- though Vitali was unsure with what intent exactly and in return grabbed Nick’s wrist before he could touch him, and he squeezed lightly as a warning while leaning in a little closer.

‘And you can’t get any bitches and feel the constant need to use me as your outlet,’ he merely responded, and Nick quickly- but forcefully- pulled his hand back. Vitali stared up at him for a second, then grabbed the man’s collar and dragged him closer, until their lips were practically touching while he continued to speak.

‘Now pay up before I break your pretty nose.’

Nick forcefully kissed Vitali, hands grabbing his hair and body locking him in place once more. Vitali bit Nick’s lower lip hard in return and pulled on his hair until his head was tilted upward, and Vitali could lick some of the remnants of cum- his own, but mostly Nick’s- off the man’s chin.

He watched as the outer rim of Nick’s irises lit up neon blue and a sum of money popped up in his view- three-fourth of the full price, and Vitali shot him a sarcastic smile as he loosened his grip on his hair.

‘For your fucking booze and drugs,’ Nick sneered.

For my meds and surgery. Thanks.

Vitali leaned in and kissed him again- but passionately this time, stealing the air from his lungs as he allowed Nick’s tongue free access, secretly longing for a more intimate moment between them- but knowing very well it would never get to any of that.

‘I’ll make sure to enjoy it more than I enjoyed you,’ he breathed into the kiss, and forcefully pushed Nick away from him.

It was all clear again, now. The hallway they stood in, the music from the hall next door- too loud, and not good at all- and the moans and cries of pleasure surrounding them, combined with the smell of bodies and the heat of the air and it all just made Vitali nauseous now.

‘You’re gonna die alone, in a fucking ditch next to the highway somewhere,’ Nick spat as Vitali fixed his underwear and pants. He reached for his shirt- but Nick stopped him, suddenly, pushing his hands aside to- right, first give another hard squeeze, classic- and then to fix his shirt for him, buttoning it all the way to the top.

‘Too much to fuckin’ handle,’ he muttered, only just loud enough for Vitali to hear. ‘Why’d you think no one stays?’

Vitali pushed Nick’s hands away. ‘Then why do you keep coming back?’

Nick said nothing.

Vitali stared at him as he gathered his hair again and put it back up in a bun, pushing himself away from the wall and slowly wandering off without breaking eye contact, until Nick looked away first. Vitali rolled his eyes and scoffed, and he began making his way away from the rest of the party, through the neon-lit hallway, toward the exit on the other side.

God, he was fucking stupid.

He was well aware of it- none of his behavior was good for him, but he cared so little now. He had nothing; nobody. Yes, Jackie, but- it was different now. Everything was different and there was nothing he could do about it anymore.

The hallway seemed to double in size before his eyes, stretching out as he stumbled forward and nearly crashed into another couple- he apologized, in Russian for some reason, and tried to continue walking but it was so crowded around him again suddenly he felt himself lose control again.

Hands grasped at him from all sides, continuously pulling him in- he allowed it to happen, stopping every few feet or so to kiss, to steal a drink, to take a huff from a joint- allowed two girls to suck several hickeys on his chest- allowed some guy to cup his cheek and softly set him down on his knees for a while, next to three others-

2:56 AM.

The exit was so close.

Vitali did not want to leave yet.

He sat on the floor, watching others- too tired to stand, or try to stand, or just move at all. Had another drink, or two, or three- someone straddled his lap for a bit, a classmate, they kissed him over and over until they fell asleep and he pushed them aside- grabbed someone else’s jacket from the floor and draped it over them as they quietly snored.

3:15 AM.

He wanted to stay.

He wanted to get lost again, lose himself- but he couldn’t, despite being as far gone as he was. Too far gone, perhaps; he was a bit nauseous, still, but merely sat unmoving, and watched-

More kissing, more strangers, yet nothing helped. He was dragged back to his feet- didn’t help, made him dizzy- he could barely stand on his legs and he just wanted to go to bed.

3:41 AM.

‘Come on, come with us!’

The girls were barely drunk compared to him and their laughter was actively hurting his head. They tried to pull him along- them and their boyfriends and girlfriends- to do whatever it was they were planning on doing in one of the BD rooms, but Vitali managed to free himself from their grips and stumbled toward the exit instead.

Oh, but he wanted to stay, and join them-

‘Hey, come on!’

A hand gripped his wrist tightly and he was yanked back. Vitali turned his head-

The guy was tall, and attractive. Hair color indiscernible yet hairstyle strangely familiar-

Mikhail?

Of course it wasn’t him.

But everything around him suddenly went quiet.

Vitali blinked, the music fading into the background as he stumbled and nearly fell. The guy tried kissing him- Vitali pushed him away, and when that turned out not to be enough of a hint he let his fist collide with the guy’s jaw, a sudden rush of adrenaline overtaking his body by the memory of his friend.

Leave.

He stumbled back, pushing himself past a small gathering of people- they just stared, and laughed, said things to him and about him to others but he could no longer understand any of it-

4:00 AM.

Vitali pushed himself outside through the back entrance of the club.

He gasped for air, inhaling the cool air of the early morning hours; nothing fresh about it, but to him it was similar to the air of a flowery meadow in comparison to the stench of the club.

It was raining a bit. It felt nice.

Vitali exhaled and looked up at the sky, allowing the rain to wash the body paint and makeup off his face. How tired he was now- how he longed for the comfort of his own bed, despite it being merely a mattress on the floor.

He tried so hard to not think about him.

But it was hard, still. Even after nearly a year of not speaking with him-

Vitali was unable to even finish his thoughts.

He had to go home. He didn’t care about Jen- no missed texts or calls, she didn’t care about him either- so he just had to get out of there, somehow, and he wasn’t even sure where exactly he was.

Somehow, this happened nearly every week. He gave in, gave too much, got too drunk and too high and his sex-addicted ass would make mistake after mistake after mistake until he regretted all his actions and just wanted to disappear; and then the next time it would happen all over again, memories haunting his mind and he needed to forget- and it worked, until it didn’t, and by then the memories had doubled and next time he would find himself chasing that same high again until his faults would swallow him whole.

And for what?

What the fuck was he missing?

He knew.

He knew exactly- but he refused to think about it.

It was his own fucking fault.

Tears welled up in Vitali’s eyes. He was thinking about him again- his bright crooked smile, his bright blue eyes- the gentleness of his hands, the softness of his hair- his arms wrapped around Vitali’s waist as they slow-danced in the kitchen at three in the morning, Vitali’s head resting comfortably against his chest-

He lost his balance and fell on his knees on the ground, his entire body shaking suddenly. He finally realized he was cold; and shivered, a choked sob leaving his throat.

Oh, how he missed him. An empty space in his soul that no amount of alcohol, drugs or sex could fill- but what else could Vitali do other than trying, knowing he was probably never going to see Mikhail again?

He screamed.

Startled himself with it, a bit; a loud, mournful cry echoing through the streets of Night City, catching nobody’s attention- yet he almost wished someone would hear, and he would no longer have to be alone.

Oh, how he missed him- he missed his jokes, his tics, his laugh- the warmth of his body next to him as they slept, the comfort of his arms as they took a bath, the softness of his lips, pressed against Vitali’s cheek-

They had not been together. Not at any point in time. But there had been no need for that.

Mikhail was the only one who had never walked away, and then Vitali had lost him-

And with that, he had also lost himself.

#nuclearwriting #ok. well. [gestures vaguely] there you go #college vitali is insane <3 good for him but also not #anyway that's not what this fic is about it's about the. the everything else. aha [dies]#he never realized how big of an impact mikhail had on him until he no longer had him. and that's making me insane #nothing he does and tries in college gives him that comfort back. and then when they reunite at arasaka. for a while it's just Different #it isn't until vincent comes in the picture that things start going back to how they used to be. remember that fic in which they fight?#that's basically when things start going back to normal. that's so many years i'm not okay i'm in shambles #also once again foreshadowing to vitali's leg being fucky. i think a year after this fic he needs surgery on it suddenly </3 #and a little parallel with the broker chapter at the end there tee hee. vitali and screaming as loud as he can is. something. yeah #nick is a nuisance throughout all those four years by the way. if you even care #jen gets worse. she doesn't talk to vito after this and then ends up inviting him to a party and he Thinks they can make things right #but then it turns out she wanted him there to humiliate him so. well. there you go #also once again vitali being called v when he was young is something that makes me soooo insane #also i'm not good at writing [redacted] so y'all will just have to deal with that. don't come for my ass i'm just a guy

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snowballseal · 3 months ago

Text

Nightmares and Memories

Sylus X Reader

Summary: Based on some theories I've seen on the Sylus flashbacks - After remembering what happened in the past with Sylus, you end up having a nightmare about the events of that night. You wake up calling his name, and he helps bring you back from the edge. Angst with a fluff ending.

Word Count: 1670

Warning: repeated mention of blood - it's Sylus lore y'all, soooo yah, prepare accordingly. It's purposefully pretty vague in terms of lore cause obviously we don't know what happened, but the ANGST!!!

---

There’s…so much blood….

It seems to come from nowhere, seeping between your fingers endlessly, dripping down your arms to pool on the ground around your knees. It’s sticky and warm, like thick mud, clinging to your skin, staining your palms. The smell of iron and smoke fills your nose, coats your tongue, so heavy you choke on it.

You want to scream. You need to scream. But your voice is locked in your chest. You can’t breathe. Cinders dance around you, like little fireflies, only to sizzle out as they hit the blood. Even when you look around, the smoke is so thick, all you can see are piles of rubble, not even the sky.

Where are you? Where is-

The world spins. You feel yourself tilting, your stomach lurching up to your throat. When you reach out, desperate to steady yourself, to stop the spinning, to stop all of this, your hand wraps around something hot to the touch, metal. Encrusted jewels dig into the skin of your palm.

The hilt of a sword.

You choke out a sob, blurry eyes flashing up to the figure lying in front of you. His chest heaves, dark tendrils spreading across his skin from where the sword pierces his flesh.

Blood. So much blood. You have to stop the bleeding. You can’t be the cause-

“You must press on.”

No no no

You try to let go of the sword, desperate to do something, anything. But a large, clawed hand wraps around yours, keeping you locked there. Locked to this fate. This fate you don’t want. Another choked sob escapes you as you fight to free yourself, to help him, but he holds you steady. Always so steady, even after you-

“If you don’t…there’s no going back.”

You want to scream. You want to beg him not to make you go. Not to make you leave him, not like this. You don’t want to, you can’t. Not him. Not-

“Sylus!”

You lurch up in bed.

Panic chokes you. It numbs your mind, clings to you as a fine layer of sweat on your skin, just like the blood in your dream. You scrub at your face, desperate to get rid of the feeling. Get rid of the red still creeping at the edges of your vision. It’s all you can think about.

You don’t feel the cool, silk sheets pooling around your waist. You don’t notice the crow peering at you worriedly from the corner. You don’t even hear the sound of your broken sobs, body shaking with the impossible burden of getting air to your lungs.

All you can hear is the voice ringing in your head.

You left him. You left him. You killed him.

No, that wasn’t-

You forgot.

You didn’t mean to!

Your fingers dig into the meat of your arms, nails pressing deep into your skin. Everything blurs out of focus, your head spinning too much. You need something to hold on to, but you can’t bring yourself to reach out. As if doing so will put you right back there. There in the smoke, the blood, with that cursed blade in your hands. You can’t. You just-

“-ten? (Y/n)!”

A hand clasps your shoulder, gentle but firm.

You gasp and rip yourself away, eyes darting up to meet a pair of red eyes. The ones you had just been so desperately staring into. It takes a while for your mind to even process that this is real.

“Sylus?”

Sylus leans back slowly, hands held up in a placating gesture. As if you’re a frightened, little doe. Which you more than resemble to him right now. Eyes wide and glassy. Your entire body shaking like a leaf. Brow furrowing, concern flickers deep in his chest.

Finding you in such a state has him feeling…off-kilter. And the way you recoiled, as if his touch had burned you, leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He feels useless in the face of your pain and confusion, and there’s nothing Sylus hates more than being complacent, especially with you.

“You had a nightmare,” Sylus explains, keeping his voice low and calm, like soft thunder in the distance. Anything to not scare you further. “Do you remember where you are?”

You take a deep, trembling breath, nodding, “Yah, yah, um, this is- we’re home.”

“That’s right. We’re home.” Carefully, Sylus lowers himself onto the bed. He tries to ignore the way you shuffle back, his fingers curling into fists on top of his knees.

You don’t miss the flicker of pain in his eyes. Guilt stabs at your chest, but you can’t bring yourself to reach out and comfort him. Not when you can still feel the phantom blood covering your fingers. His blood. It was your fault. All your fault. You were the one who put that sword in his chest.

“Hey, eyes on me, kitten. I don’t want to see you wandering off right now.” The deep timber of Sylus’ voice draws you back. You take another deep breath, not realizing that you had started to hyperventilate again. Sylus hums approvingly, “That’s my girl. Now, why don’t you tell me what happened, hm?”

Your eyes fixate on one of the buttons of his shirt. Second from the top. It helps, if only a little, so that when you answer, voice strained from how raw your throat is, you don’t get swept away again, “It was- It was that night all over again.”

That’s all it takes for Sylus to understand.

Breathing out a low sigh, an unspeakable sadness softens Sylus’ features. Of course that’s what would bring you to this. The distance you give him makes sense now, as does the doubt burning behind your gaze. And why your eyes have barely left his chest since you realized it was him.

Like you’re scared of what you’ll see there.

“...Do you need to see with your own eyes that it was just a dream?”

You force your gaze up to his, hesitating. But Sylus is already stripping off his shirt, movements calculated and slow. He tosses the fabric somewhere across the room. You freeze, eyes staying locked with his. Too scared to look down. Too scared to see what your panic soaked mind still expects.

“Look.”

Unbidden, your eyes trace back down, over his jaw, along his neck, all the way past his collarbone to the smooth expanse of his chest. No dark veins. No blood. Just a shallow divot over his heart, a shadow. You watch the way his chest rises and falls, noticing each time his breath wavers, your own heart jumping each time, as if he’ll suddenly stop breathing. But he doesn’t.

Still, the anxiety plagues you. Your fingers twitch against your arms, desperate to feel him, to find his heartbeat and burn it into your memory in place of this horrid dream.

You look back up at him, the question written on your face. Sylus bites back a smile, giving you a nod instead.

He doesn’t reach out just yet as you shuffle out from under the sheets, crawling across the bed to perch next to him. Though it takes everything in him to stay still as your fingers hover over his chest. You can’t help but hesitate, looking up again.

“Go ahead,” he hums, “Feel for yourself.”

His skin is warm. So warm. You let out a trembling sigh, palm pressing flat against his chest. Seeing it was one thing, but feeling it - the steady rise of his breathing, the rhythmic beat of his heart under your fingertips, the proof that he’s alive and safe - is enough to bring the tears flooding back.

He’s okay.

All the tension, all your strength, leaves you in a small, broken sound. You crumble into Sylus’ arms. He catches you with ease, finally drawing you into his lap, where he had wanted to hold you from the beginning.

You clutch onto him, unable to stop the flow of apologies that spring to your lips, “I’m sorry- I’m so sorry, Sylus. I didn’t- I didn’t-!”

“I know,” he hums, hand rubbing soothing circles into your back. “What’s done is done, there’s no need to hold on to it. All that matters is that you’re here now.”

“But I-”

“You have my forgiveness. So just…” His pulse stutters under your fingers. “-keep coming back from now on. No matter what.”

His words are the weakness of your heart. You hold onto Sylus tighter, feeling his grip tighten just as desperately around you. Time passes like that for what feels like hours, until you’ve cried all your tears, and exhaustion weighs down your eyelids. He notices, a relieved smile curling his lips.

“Come, let’s get you back to bed,” he murmurs, “you need a few more hours of sleep if you want to fight Wanderers in the morning.”

You jolt a little at the thought of going back to sleep, eyes flickering open again, but Sylus calms you with a soft hum and a kiss pressed to your forehead.

“Don’t worry,” he whispers, lips brushing your skin, “I’ll stay and scare away any nightmares that come. You’ll never have to go through that again.”

His words carry a double meaning. An unbearable fondness washes over you as you look into those ruby eyes, gleaming with a hard determination that is so completely Sylus. Your Sylus. Of course he’ll always protect you. And you’ll protect him from now on.

The two of you settle back into the comfort of the bed. Sylus never lets you go, making sure you’re curled against him, ear pressed to his chest so that you can listen to his steady heartbeat as you drift off.

As you do, you whisper one last thing, wishing you could imprint your words into his heart, “I’ll always come back to you, Sylus. Promise.”

He lets out a soft rumble into your hair, watching as your eyes flutter shut, “And I’ll always be here waiting for you.”

In every life.

---

Sorry not sorry. I'm obsessed with what we've seen of this man's lore and I just know its going to hurt SO much.

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace reader insert #reader insert #x reader #lads sylus x reader #love and deepspace sylus #love and deepspace sylus x reader #sylus x reader #sylus x you #angst with a happy ending #angst #nightmare #fluffy ending #looooooorrreee

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