#soon being later in july

[aphelea]

disappearing for a while, see y’all soon :)

[mariacallous]

The Ocean Sciences Building at the University of Washington in Seattle is a brightly modern, four-story structure, with large glass windows reflecting the bay across the street.

On the afternoon of July 7, 2016, it was being slowly locked down.

Red lights began flashing at the entrances as students and faculty filed out under overcast skies. Eventually, just a handful of people remained inside, preparing to unleash one of the most destructive forces in the natural world: the crushing weight of about 2½ miles of ocean water.

In the building’s high-pressure testing facility, a black, pill-shaped capsule hung from a hoist on the ceiling. About 3 feet long, it was a scale model of a submersible called Cyclops 2, developed by a local startup called OceanGate. The company’s CEO, Stockton Rush, had cofounded the company in 2009 as a sort of submarine charter service, anticipating a growing need for commercial and research trips to the ocean floor. At first, Rush acquired older, steel-hulled subs for expeditions, but in 2013 OceanGate had begun designing what the company called “a revolutionary new manned submersible.” Among the sub’s innovations were its lightweight hull, which was built from carbon fiber and could accommodate more passengers than the spherical cabins traditionally used in deep-sea diving. By 2016, Rush’s dream was to take paying customers down to the most famous shipwreck of them all: the Titanic, 3,800 meters below the surface of the Atlantic Ocean.

Engineers carefully lowered the Cyclops 2 model into the testing tank nose-first, like a bomb being loaded into a silo, and then screwed on the tank’s 3,600-pound lid. Then they began pumping in water, increasing the pressure to mimic a submersible’s dive. If you’re hanging out at sea level, the weight of the atmosphere above you exerts 14.7 pounds per square inch (psi). The deeper you go, the stronger that pressure; at the Titanic’s depth, the pressure is about 6,500 psi. Soon, the pressure gauge on UW’s test tank read 1,000 psi, and it kept ticking up—2,000 psi, 5,000 psi. At about the 73-minute mark, as the pressure in the tank reached 6,500 psi, there was a sudden roar and the tank shuddered violently.

“I felt it in my body,” an OceanGate employee wrote in an email later that night. “The building rocked, and my ears rang for a long time.”

“Scared the shit out of everyone,” he added.

The model had imploded thousands of meters short of the safety margin OceanGate had designed for.

In the high-stakes, high-cost world of crewed submersibles, most engineering teams would have gone back to the drawing board, or at least ordered more models to test. Rush’s company didn’t do either of those things. Instead, within months, OceanGate began building a full-scale Cyclops 2 based on the imploded model. This submersible design, later renamed Titan, eventually made it down to the Titanic in 2021. It even returned to the site for expeditions the next two years. But nearly one year ago, on June 18, 2023, Titan dove to the infamous wreck and imploded, instantly killing all five people onboard, including Rush himself.

The disaster captivated and horrified the world. Deep-sea experts criticized OceanGate’s choices, from Titan’s carbon-fiber construction to Rush’s public disdain for industry regulations, which he believed stifled innovation. Organizations that had worked with OceanGate, including the University of Washington as well as the Boeing Company, released statements denying that they contributed to Titan.

A trove of tens of thousands of internal OceanGate emails, documents, and photographs provided exclusively to WIRED by anonymous sources sheds new light on Titan’s development, from its initial design and manufacture through its first deep-sea operations. The documents, validated by interviews with two third-party suppliers and several former OceanGate employees with intimate knowledge of Titan, reveal never-before-reported details about the design and testing of the submersible. They show that Boeing and the University of Washington were both involved in the early stages of OceanGate’s carbon-fiber sub project, although their work did not make it into the final Titan design. The trove also reveals a company culture in which employees who questioned their bosses’ high-speed approach and decisions were dismissed as overly cautious or even fired. (The former employees who spoke to WIRED have asked not to be named for fear of being sued by the families of those who died aboard the vessel.) Most of all, the documents show how Rush, blinkered by his own ambition to be the Elon Musk of the deep seas, repeatedly overstated OceanGate’s progress and, on at least one occasion, outright lied about significant problems with Titan’s hull, which has not been previously reported.

A representative for OceanGate, which ceased all operations last summer, declined to comment on WIRED’s findings.

[reasonsforhope]

Article

As he peered over a secluded cove off the coast of San Francisco, Gerry McChesney couldn’t believe the scene that was unfolding in front of him. 

Fur seal pups — hundreds of them — had taken over the inlet at the Farallon Islands National Wildlife Refuge and were bobbing on the surface of the water in a shiny, blubbery mass, likely hiding from great white sharks as they waited for their mothers to return from the sea to nurse. The sight wasn’t exactly unheard of — island biologists at Point Blue Conservation Science had first noticed the older seal pups using the cove as a covert hideout sometime last year, McChesney, a manager for the refuge, told SFGATE. But he was on the island one day in late October when biologist Jim Tietz delivered the news: The seals were back in full force, and in numbers they had never seen before. 

McChesney decided to go take a look for himself.

“I was amazed to see them all piled in there, getting tossed around like they were in a washing machine,” he told SFGATE in an email, adding that he counted 440 in all. “They looked pretty content and like they were having a good ol’ time.”

The video McChesney captured was shared by the United States Fish and Wildlife Service on social media earlier this week, garnering thousands of comments on Instagram and Facebook, with users referring to the phenomenon as “seal pup daycare” and “nature’s mosh pit.” 

To the biologists, it’s a sign of “a truly remarkable recovery.” 

The rookery’s history

The Farallon Islands host one of just two fur seal rookeries south of Alaska (the other being San Miguel Island in Santa Barbara County) after the species was completely wiped out from the area in the early 19th century. There was extensive seal hunting between about 1810 and 1838... In the first few years of widespread hunting, he estimates that over 150,000 fur seals were slaughtered (“The rookery must have been huge,” he noted) and soon, no fur seals could be found at the islands at all.

But large-scale market hunting came to an end by the mid-19th century, he said. In 1911, the United States signed the Northern Fur Seal Treaty, banning the hunting of marine mammals at sea. The Marine Mammal Protection Act, which prohibits killing and disturbing animals including seals, was established in 1972, further aiding in the protection of the species. Two years later, 141 acres of the islands were designated the Farallon Wilderness and were closed to the public in an attempt to mitigate human disturbance so the seals could return and “breed unfettered,” McChesney said. Large breeding colonies still persisted on the Pribilof Islands, Alaska, and the Commander Islands off eastern Siberia, and in 1996, a female fur seal from a recovered colony on the Channel Islands made her way back to the Farallones, giving birth to the first fur seal pup there after more than 150 years of the species’ absence.

Since then, “the Farallon population has been growing rapidly,” McChesney said. Within 15 years, the local population had boomed to 476 individuals, Bay Nature reported in 2018. Initially, they clustered in one area on the west end of the islands — but now, they’re beginning to expand.

Pictured: A photo of a northern fur seal in Alaska.

A seal surge

Pupping season runs from June to August, with most of the seals born in July and remaining in the breeding colony for a few months before they are weaned, usually by the end of November. Then, the newly independent animals go out to sea on their own. 

Farallon Island biologists from Point Blue Conservation Science have been documenting the population, and this year recorded 2,133 fur seals in total, including 1,276 pups, which McChesney called “the highest pup count yet.” 

“Given that the entire colony can’t be seen, this was a minimal count and there were certainly many more,” he noted.

Pictured: The Farallon Islands off the coast of San Francisco.

Though Point Blue biologists have never documented white sharks feeding on fur seal pups (they typically go for juvenile northern elephant seals and sea lions) the “threat of shark attacks on the seal pups is certainly there and I’m sure the pups are aware of that,” McChesney said. “The cove where the video was taken provides a secluded spot to swim and play without worrying about the sharks.”

When the mothers return, they find their pups by using a distinctive call. But in the meantime, the pups seem not to mind the hours away in their secret hideout where they can splash and play to their hearts’ content.

“It was so much fun to watch,” McChesney said. “And knowing that the sight represents such an amazing comeback for their population made the sight mean so much more.”

-via SF Gate, December 23, 2024

[stellawish]

bunnies and penguins

genre: fluff fluff fluff warnings: just satoru being good dad idk :o pairing: dad!gojo x mom!reader

As soon as you closed the door behind you, Satoru looked down at his son and cooed, "Looks like it's just the two of us, buddy," he pinched his plump cheek. "Haru, Mama went to have fun with Auntie Shoko. What are your plans for today, buddy?" Your three-month-old baby looked up at his father and blinked a couple of times.

Summer was in full swing. The July heat was intense. Satoru trudged towards the refrigerator. After stocking up on some cold soda and snacks, they headed to the living room. Sitting comfortably on the large sofa, he placed Haru on his left thigh and wrapped his arm around the little boy.

While he sipped his grape soda and flipped through the channels in search of something interesting, he paused for a moment when a bright advertisement appeared on the screen. Small animals, the characters from Sanrio, bounced up and down on the beach. Haruo squealed with delight.

Satoru noticed that his son's attention was focused on the screen, and he yelled again when the white character—Cinnamoroll—appeared on the TV. "You like him, Haru?” he kissed his chubby cheek. “Huh oh right, he looks like your favorite plushie."

Since day one, Haru has always slept with that one plushie. When you were still pregnant, Gojo won you it at a festival. As soon as you held it in your hands, you decided that this bunny was meant for your son. Since then, it has always accompanied him during his daytime naps and nighttime dreams.

Satoru stroked his son’s chubby belly and glanced at the time. "Snack time, baby." He put down the empty soda can and stood up with Haru, heading towards the refrigerator. With his left arm he held his son close while his right hand reached for the milk.

Satoru warmed the milk and checked its temperature by dropping a couple of drops on his wrist. After ensuring that it was fine, he returned to the living room. Turning off the TV, he cradled the baby in the crook of his arm and brought the bottle to his small lips. Haru immediately grabbed the bottle with both hands and began to take big sips. Satoru chuckled "Take your time, buddy. I know mommy’s milk is very yummy but we don’t want you to have a tummy ache" he said, stroking the baby's plump cheek with his thumb. The gentle sounds of feeding filled the silence of the living room

Satoru looked down at the fluttering white eyelashes and the thin eyebrows. His heart was filled with a such an overwhelming wave of tenderness. This is his baby. Yours and his. Although several months had passed since his birth, Satoru sometimes looked at the tiny bundle and couldn’t believe that he was really here.

The fruit of your love, the symbiosis of you and him, was here. Now, he gazed at his son and thanked the universe and God for such a precious gift. He gently took his son's tiny hand and began to examine his small fingers. "One, two, three, four, five." Five little fingers. He brought his tiny hand to his face and kissed it gently.

Then he softly ran his fingers over the baby’s plump leg, tickling his tiny foot. The little one smiled without looking up from the bottle. "One, two, three, four, five." He counted his tiny toes. This habit of his had started since Haruo was born. When they brought him—tiny, red, and screaming—to Gojo, he couldn't believe his son was here. Later, he lay in bed with you, and together you gazed at your baby. Satoru was struck by how tiny his fingers were.

Haru moved, pulling Satoru from the depths of his memories. He looked at his son and saw that the bottle had already been emptied. He set it down and carefully picked up the child, placing him on the shoulder. He began to stroke his back gently until he heard a distinctive grunt. "Good job, buddy"

beep-beep

He turned his head and saw that his phone was behind the pillow. He stretched out and took the phone in his right hand. A message from you appeared on the screen.

my goddess 💘😫

hi toru. shoko and I already met up. we're heading out for coffee.

You send a selfie with Shoko. Satoru opened it and smiled. "Baby, look! It’s mommy and auntie Sho!". He pointed the screen at the baby’s face, and the little one cooed.

what are u guys up to? 👀

Satoru opened the camera on his phone and called to his son, "Hey, baby, look here! We'll send this photo to Mom." Gojo grinned and made a peace sign while baby looked up at the camera.

we got bored so we decided to watch some tv

He send the picture and u replied,

aww my cute babies😘

A bit later, Gojo reheated the yakisoba you made, while baby lay in his rocking chair, making soft gurgling sounds. After finishing his meal, Satoru picked up the Haru and carried him to the nursery. "Time for a nap, baby," he said, kissing baby’s soft cheek.

After changing the diaper, he opened a drawer with onesies. Every time he looked at the tiny clothes, Satoru's heart fluttered with cuteness. "Haru, should we choose this one or this one?" In his left hand, he held a tiny white onesie with small yellow ducks, and in his right, a grey onesie with a penguin on it. The baby cooed. Satoru raised his eyebrows. "With a penguin? A wonderful choice, baby."

After that, he sat down in a rocking chair and began to rock gently, stroking his son's small back. The baby in his arms started to yawn.

Satoru ran his lips through his son’s thin hair sniffing his sweet baby smell. He softly touched his forehead with his lips, along with his tiny nose and plump cheeks. Satoru couldn't get enough of his adorable son.

A few minutes later, the baby's eyes began to close, and his breathing became steady.

Satoru continued to admire his sleeping son for a bit. As much as he loved holding him, he knew he needed to make a work call. For a few minutes, he remained seated, savoring these moments of closeness with his son. He carefully stood up and placed the sleeping baby in the crib. Gently, he ran his finger along the child's cheek and adjusted the bunny plush. After ensuring the baby monitor was set correctly, he quietly closed the door behind him.

more dad!gojo HERE

hey guys you liked previous post so here we are! if you want more dad!gojo and mom!reader let me know I will gladly do more! and as i said before english is not my first language soo yeah

reblogs and comments are highly appreciated guys<3

tags: @3lliesrifle @achbbys000 @happytreetale @mashtura

dividers by: 2. @enchanthings

all rights reserved ©stellawish. do not copy, repost, translate, or modify my works in any platform.

[totalswag]

fourth july — RAFE CAMERON

authors note hope everyones being safe today and having a good time. this is kinda short but hope you lovies like it. summer time in the obx sounds looks so much fun. i don't think i've written about dad!rafe yet or maybe i have but either way, rafe is such a girl dad.

summary spending the summer day with friends and family by the pool, barbecuing, and lighting fireworks at night.

warnings swearing, happy moments, kissing, loud fireworks.

Friends and family were surrounded in your backyard, in the pool, on the patio, with children running around and cooking. It's a lovely summer day in Kildare, where friends and family are gathering.

Today is the Fourth of July. Rafe and you agreed a few weeks ago that you would like to have everyone come to your house by eating, swimming, eating, and then watching fireworks at night.

You were at the shallow end of the pool with your seven-month-old daughter, Layla, her small hands clutching yours as she stamped against the water, making everyone around giggle.

Layla's tiny hands gripped your fingers tightly, her chubby legs kicking up water in all directions. The sheer joy on her face was a delight to see.

"She's a natural," Sarah said from her lounge chair, sipping a refreshing lemonade. "Already a little mermaid."

You smiled, her heart flooding with affection for her tiny girl. "She sure is," you said, adjusting Layla's sunhat to block the harsh sunlight.

Layla was surprised to see kids swimming and bouncing in the water. She drew her body towards the kids as you lifted her up beneath her armpits, drawing her towards them.

You're so cute

I wanna hold her

Layla do you like to water?

Rafe stood nearby, engaged in conversation with Topper and Kelce. Layla had grown tired of the water and was now perched on Rafe's hip, her tiny fingers entwined with his gold chain. She babbled happily, occasionally tugging on the chain, making the guys laugh.

You were near all the snacks with your girlfriends chatting it up too.

The three were talking about typical guy stuff.

"She's got a good grip there," Kelce remarked, grinning.

"Yeah, you sure she won't rip it off?" Topper added.

"She knows what she likes," Rafe stated proudly, kissing Layla on the forehead. The sight of Rafe seamlessly mixing fatherhood with his typical friendship was wonderful.

Layla has always had this fascination with Rafe's chain the moment she was able to grab onto things. The main thing is the chain; Rafe has talked about getting her one with her name on it when she turns one in a few months.

As the day progressed into the evening, everybody went from the pool to the front yard. Lawn chairs and blankets were put out in preparation for the fireworks display.

The kids were able to set up s'mores on the side while they sat on the blanket on the grass watching neighbors light their fireworks.

Layla is wrapped in a comfortable blanket and nestled in your arms. She looked at you with her beautiful blue eyes, babbling in baby talk; you responded back even though you dont like what she's saying.

Rafe approached Layla with a pair of baby headphones and carefully placed them over her ears. "We don't want her to be scared of the noise," he murmured quietly, his eyes finding yours with a loving expression.

Layla grins softly at Rafe, hiding her face in your chest when he playfully tickles under her chin.

The first firework launched into the sky, resulting in a shower of bright sparks. The audience cheered, their faces illuminated by the glow. Layla's eyes widened with surprise, yet she remained calm and secure in your grip.

Sarah had her phone out, taking pictures and videos. She caught Layla at the perfect moment, focused on the fireworks and occasionally making perplexed facial expressions in response to particular fireworks.

"Please send that to me as soon as you can," you laugh, pointing at Sarah. "Do not worry, I will send you everything," she says with a smile on her face.

A few minutes later, Rafe approaches you, wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder, and kissing your cheek.

"I love you girls so much."

"And we love you so much, Handsome."

my taglist!

✰ if you would like to be added to my taglist and be notified whenever i post please let me know in the comments or in my ask box. if there's a line across your name that means i couldn't find your account.

@winterrrnight @chenslucy @rosezza @solanathascientst @diqldrunks @runningfrom2am

[freshxsturniolo]

JULY 4TH PT3 - chris sturniolo x reader

pt1 pt2

you pull up outside the triplets house later than evening, admittedly feeling a lot fresher than you had this morning. after your first initial texts with chris, you ended up falling asleep for another hour or so before being awoken by jake, who was begging you and tara to help him clean their apartment. you reluctantly got out of bed, but after a coffee (or two), you felt the movment had helped you come alive slightly, but in and out was still the only thing you wanted to eat after nibbling on a slice of toast all day.

keeping your date a secret however, you should have known was not going to happen. when you annoyed your departure from the three boys house finally, you were met by a load of stares. in their hungover states they were all planning on watching movies and order takeout, so you had no choice but to tell them.

"im meeting a friend" you had said when jake had given you an eye. you notice the smirk from your best friend tara as the words leave your mouth but you do your best to avoid eye contact, but a smirk comes over jakes face immediately.

"his name chris by any chance?" he says.

you eyes divert to tara immediately, and she holds her hands up in surrender. "dont look at me" she laughs, and you cant help but chuckle as you turn around to leave, knowing that tara would likely fill the 3 boys in, but as you leave you're only met with a chorus of claps and woops.

"so annoying" you mutter, which they hear as they all erupt into laughter.

you spend the next hour at your own place, panicking about what to wear. you're dying to text chris but the lack of communication since your earlier messages felt exciting, making you giddy almost. so you settle for a comfortable pair of shorts with a baggy tee, your favourite earrings and a small subtle amount of make up with some lip gloss. giving yourself a once over in the mirror, you smile before putting your converse on and head to your car.

so now you sit here, waiting for chris to emerge from his house, you lean across to look in the mirror and apply another layer of lipgloss just to keep yourself busy before you drum your fingers across your steering wheel, turning up the song you were playing through the bluetooth before you finally see him walking down the driveway.

you smile as you take in him in. sweatpants and a black tee, casual but somehow cool, hair so clearly freshly washed. his stubble from yesterday now gone. and he gives you a smirk as soon as he sees you looking, but you already feel so comfortable in his presence so smirk back, causing him to laugh and shake his head. when he finally gets to your passenger side and open the door, you bend your head to see it.

“your carriage awaits. in and out was it?”

he ignores you, gets in the car, shuts the door, and then finally swivels his head to look at you.

“you’re worse than matt. and i’ve been in the car 3 seconds”

you laugh, throwing your head back causing a chuckle to escape his lips.

“sorry” you say, looking towards him again. “i couldn’t resist. but seriously, in and out?”

“i’m starving” he mutters, and you nod in agreement with a smile on your face, putting the car back in drive and setting off down the street.

the nearest in and out is only a 5 minute drive away, and you spend those 5 minutes chatting about the night before. laughing about certain moments you had forgotten about till he has bought them up. by the time you pull up for food, your stomach hurts from laughing and your fear your mascara has likely leaked down your face. turning off the ignition, you lean to look into the rear view mirror to double check, and you become aware how dangerously close you are to chris. he’s quite as you wipe at your under eyes, and when you finally move back to your original position and turn to him, he’s smiling.

“you’re beautiful, ya know?”

“chris” you laugh, suddenly feeling flustered, your cheeks going a tinge of red.

he smiles as he looks at you, before looking out towards the restaurant. it’s busy, you notice. the line is long and there’s people sat on almost every table. even from sitting in your car and looking through the window you can hear the hustle and bustle, people likely in the same hungover state as you.

“i got an idea” chris says, and you snap your head back to look at him.

“go on?”

he looks back at the resturant one more time, before looking to you again.

“why don’t we get it to take out, and come back to mine? we can eat on the sofa, we can watch a movie …”

your hearts racing at the thought. truthfully, a night in sounded a lot better than sitting in a stuffy burger place and you tried to keep calm as you answered him.

“will you brothers mind?”

chris smiles. “they’re not in.”

you look at him for a second, his plump lips all of a sudden looking super inviting, but you smile.

“okay.”

“yeah?”

“yeah” you smile.

“perfect. come on” he says now, opening up the car door and stepping outside.

you follow his actions, grabbing your phone and keys and stepping outside, locking the car and putting all your belongings in your pocket before you walk around the car to meet chris who’s waiting for you on the sidewalk. when you reach him you smile, and you realise in that moment you had never formally even said hello, so you smirk.

“hi” you say, and his eyes divert straight to your lips.

“hi” he mutters, and that force is back. you can feel it, he can feel it, and then he finally takes a step towards you.

“this is possibly the least romantic place in the world, but can i kiss you?” he whispers, and you let out a laugh as you step closer to him too.

“you don’t even need to ask” you whisper back, and it takes him no time at all to press his lips to yours. soft, gentle, just a peck that lingers for a couple of seconds before he pulls away again. you can feel your heart beat racing as you look back into his eyes, before a laugh escapes you both.

suddenly, your appetite for food is completely gone and been replaced by something else.

TAGLIST : @spencerstits @chrissturnsss @slut4chriss @valkatriee @sturnsjtop @viiiwwwee @gwennysturniolo @melanch0lybby @sturnioloblues

[authorhjk1]

https://www.reddit.com/r/kpopfap/comments/1agagbq/iu/

IU being an expensive hooker

Expensive Night

(IU X Male Reader)

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

You shout as you walk through your living room. Your parent's living room to be exact.

It felt like an awesome idea half an hour ago. And it felt like a dream twenty minutes ago. But now it feels like you are committing a great sin.

Your parents are out for a dinner date. It's their anniversary today. The 25th. You helped your dad with the surprise for a week now. He wanted to take your mother out to the place they first met. Their school, which you are going to currently. He got the key for the roof from the janitor yesterday and will surprise your mom with a romantic picnic, overlooking almost half of the city.

Your father didn't tell you what he planned for afterwards, but he let you know that they are gonna stay out late.

Which now means that you are home alone at 9 pm on a Thursday night. Not necessarily unusual. You finished your homework, starting to prepare for your finals. School today was like any other day.

Except for one thing. One of the guys bragged about having sex with the hottest girl in school. You still highly doubt that he told the truth. But you can't help being envious. You never had sex before, despite being eighteen for a while now.

Your parents always told you, that it's not about the act itself, but about the person you are with. You always agreed to some degree, but you still feel like you are missing out. And there is no guarantee you are ever gonna find that woman. Right?

Which now leads us to your actions from thirty minutes ago. You never considered doing it. You were never really into porn and you definitely never even had the urge to pay to watch something like that. But for some reason, that spam mail you got, lured you in.

Because of the woman's picture. You usually delete these kind of mails as soon as you see them, not wanting to catch a virus. But when you saw her picture, you couldn't resist.

Not only because she looks like a goddess. Like the most beautiful woman you've probably ever seen. But because she is Julie's mother.

Who's Julie? The hottest girl at school. The girl your classmate allegedly slept with.

You were surprised to see her in that email. You were even more surprised, when you found out that this wasn't a normal dating site. It was an ad for an app. An app where you can hire a prostitute. To pay a woman to have sex with you.

Never in your life did you think about doing this. It didn't even cross your mind once. But here you are. Thirty minutes later, staring at your phone.

"See you in forty minutes, baby 😘"

You check the time. She is gonna be here in like 8 minutes.

Suddenly, you become incredibly nervous. Since you asked her to come over, you were worried about your parents finding out. But now, you realize that this is actually happening. What are you supposed to do? You already took a shower. Maybe prepare flowers? But that's stupid, you aren't trying to date her.

You get back to your room, starting to clean it properly. She might already know who you are. The two of you didn't interact with each other for the last two years. You only caught a glimpse of her occasionally at events and stuff. But she is still Julie's mother. And older than you. You don't want her to think you are some inexperienced child.

When the doorbell rings, you feel the butterflies in your stomach going crazy. This is really gonna happen.

You slowly walk over to the front door. Taking a deep breath, you finally open it.

You are stunned by the older woman, who is standing in front of you. She might be your mom's age, but she looks better than any of the girls at school. Probably even better than her own daughter.

"Hello, handsome."

Jieun gives you a heartwarming smile. Her white dress looks incredible on her. You can't help but glance at her shoulders and then her thighs shortly after. The excitement of feeling her skin on yours makes your body heat up. You can feel your erection starting to grow.

"Do you want me to come in? You can keep staring once I'm inside."

Her melodic laugh makes your cheeks flush. You wanted to look like you've done this before, damn it.

"S-Sure."

You close the door behind her, after she walked past you. The scent of lilac lingers in your nose.

"Have a seat please."

You are not really sure how to proceed. Do you offer her something to drink? Do you discuss her pay? You are still surprised she doesn't seem to recognize you. It's probably for the better anyway. You already feel bad for paying your classmate's mother for having sex with you.

You are slightly curious to why Ms. Lee is doing this, but your thoughts get distracted by her sitting down.

Her long, creamy legs almost make you reach out to touch her. The smile playing on her lips makes you want to kiss her.

"Do you want to discuss everything for a minute, before we start?"

Jieun shakes her head, a mischievous smile on her lips.

"Sure. Would you like something to drink?"

"I'm sure I'm going to drink something very delicious later."

Once you realize what she means, you have to sit down, not wanting to expose how hard she is making you.

"You are still pretty young though. Do you have enough money?"

You take the bundle of bills out of your pocket. It's everything you got for your last birthday, plus some of your earlier savings. A lot, but definitely worth it.

You feel a little awkward throughout this transaction, but Jieun seems to really be a professional.

Once you are done, Jieun takes your hand.

"I guess your bedroom is this way?"

She smiles at you, looking back over her shoulder. You nod, still mesmerized by her beauty.

Once you enter your room, Jieun makes you sit down on the edge of the bed. You hear your breath hitch, when she suddenly straddles your lap. Your hands instinctively move to her thighs, you feel her weight on your crotch.

Without another word, Jieun captures your lips with hers. You can't believe this is actually happening. The two of you share a hot kiss as you feel her slowly grinding against you. By the way she let's a moan escape into your mouth, you know that she can feel your hard cock.

"You're such a good kisser."

She only stops for a moment to tell you that, before she gets back to kissing you again.

You wonder if she is actually telling the truth or not. But you can't ask her as she starts to make the kiss more messy. Her fingers run through your hair, occasionally tugging at it lightly. Her tongue pushes past your lips, now dueling with your own for dominance.

You feel like the kiss lasts for hours. But eventually, the two of you need to break away for air.

"Do you want to watch me strip, or do you want to take the dress off yourself?"

"W-Watch."

You almost stumble over that one simple word.

With a grin, Jieun slowly gets off your lap. Instinctively, you cover your crotch with your hand, ashamed at how hard you are.

You expect her to just take it off. Instead, Jieun turns around. She puts her hair over her right shoulder, exposing her neck.

You gulp as she sits back down on your lap.

"Would you mind?"

Your eyes linger on the zipper of her dress. This is really happening. Your fingers shake slightly as you start to open Jieun's dress from behind. Slowly, you reveal more and more of her flawless skin.

You now stare at her completely exposed back. Unable to hold yourself back, you want to have another taste of Jieun's body.

Your lips meet her skin as you kiss her shoulder. You slowly move towards her neck, peppering her with small kisses.

"Good boy."

A sigh escapes Jieun's mouth. You like how she said it. With love and appreciation. As if you are the man she loves.

It turns you on more and you slowly kiss down her back. You take the same path her spine tikes, enjoying the sight of Jieun getting goosebumps at your touch.

Once you are unable to bend down further, Jieun gets off your lap. You can't tear your eyes off her as she twirls around, before giving you a seductive look. Slowly, she starts to let her dress glide down her frame.

"What do you think, honey?"

Her chest is exposed first. Her mounds seem to probably fit perfectly into your hands. Her pink nipples taunt you, trying to make you jump into action. Jieun's toned midriff deserves just as much admiration. You unconsciously bite your lip, when her dress slips past her hips, exposing her white panties. The lace patterns are firmly wrapped around her thighs. You can only catch a glimpse of her lower lips.

With a smile, Jieun hooks a thumb underneath the waistband, slightly pulling it down. Before you can see more of her, she puts it back in place, visibly enjoying teasing you.

"Not so fast. You have to show me what you have first."

You watch as Jieun steps between your legs, before she kneels down. This still feels like a dream to you. But here you are, you classmate's mother unbuckling your belt.

"I like the sight of that."

Jieun grins up at you after pulling down your pants. You have to stop yourself from bucking your hips towards her as she gives your cock, which is still restrained by your underwear, a kiss.

Another one follows quickly after.

"Thank you for this big gift."

Jieun chuckles as she lifts her head to kiss your lips. You can't tell if she is genuine or not. But her fingertips dancing along your length, make you forget what she just said.

With an alluring sparkle in her eyes, Jieun looks up at you as she pulls down your underwear.

"Fuck. You are huge."

You watch her bite her lip as she stares at your now exposed member. Of course you measured it before. This time you know that she isn't exaggerating. At least not a lot.

"Let me have a taste."

Jieun leans down to kiss your cock. She licks her lips afterwards, before she runs her tongue along the length of your shaft.

"Relax, baby."

Jieun giggles, covering your right hand with her left. Only now do you realize that you've taken a hold of your sheets. Your knuckles starting to turn white.

"Is this your first time?"

You nod slowly, embarrassed that it's so obvious.

"Don't be shy. It's an honor, you know."

Jieun slowly strokes your cock up and down as she talks.

"Why don't you lie down and let me take care of you?"

"S-Sure."

You position yourself in the middle of your bed with your back slightly sinking into your mattress. Jieun is lying on her stomach, between your spread legs.

"I can't believe this is your first time. With a cock like this..."

She kisses your base and slowly starts to move towards your tip, peppering your cock with kisses. Once her lips wrap around your tip, she sinks her head down. You let out an embarrassed moan as Jieun uses her tongue to play with the head of your cock.

The older woman knows exactly what she is doing. You seem to sink further into the mattress as Jieun keeps worshipping your cock. Her lips glide along your shaft. Her tongue swirls around your tip, whenever she moves upwards.

"Such a nice cock."

She murmurs to herself occasionally between sucks and licks.

"It tastes so good."

Eventually, your cock is covered with her saliva.

"Do you want me to deep throat you? Check if it fits or not?"

You nod in excitement while Jieun is still talking.

"If it doesn't, I'm not sure if you would fit in my pussy. If you destroy me, you have to pay extra."

She gives you a wink, before she laughs.

You give Jieun an awkward smile, hoping that really is a joke.

When she starts to take you into her mouth again, you hold your breath. Her lips glide along your shaft. She goes further down than before. You feel Jieun starting to slow down a little. Eventually, you hit something inside of her.

It makes Jieun gag. She slowly backs up, until her mouth is empty again. She gives you another look, before she dives in once more. Soon, you have her choking again. This time, she went down even further. Instinctively you put a hand on her head, slightly bucking your hips upwards.

You can't believe how good this feels. Your cock feels warm and safe in Jieun's mouth. Your tip probably already down her throat as she tries to open her jaw even wider.

You catch yourself pressing Jieun's head into your crotch. Eventually, she taps on your thighs, struggling for air. Regretfully letting go of her, you watch your in spit covered cock fall out of her mouth.

"Wow. You are really something."

Before you can reply, Jieun is deepthroating you once more. Apart from the occasional choking, everything is quiet. You look down, watching how small rivers of her saliva run down to the base of your cock.

Your breathing becomes heavier as you try to calm yourself. This isn't the right time. You need to hold out longer. Your fingers bury themselves in your sheets once more.

"I-I want to fuck you now."

You are embarrassed, when these words spill out of your mouth. But you need a moment to calm down. You don't want this to end too soon.

A devilish smirk plays around Jieun's lips as she moves them along the length of your shaft. Until she finally releases your cock out of her mouth, you are afraid that you would cum too soon.

"I see you are getting more comfortable?"

"Well-"

Jieun's warm smile makes you stutter. You can't believe you are seeing the same smile with which she congratulated you on your 12th birthday. It just feels unreal.

"How would you like to take me?"

You haven't thought about that yet. Now that you got a much needed break, you try to come up with something.

Jieun must've seen you struggling to find something. She leans over your body to give you a deep kiss, before she moves her legs on both sides of your hips.

"Would you like me to ride you?"

You hesitantly nod. Now that you are about to lose your virginity, you don't care about how. You just want this to happen.

Your heart races when Jieun slowly pulls down her lace panties. This is the first time you actually see a woman naked in real life. Her shaven pussy greets you, once the white fabric reaches her knees. It looks too good to be true. You unconsciously lick your lips, imagining your head between her thighs. You bet she would taste delicious.

"What do you think?"

Jieun pulls back her folds a little, showing off more of her pink insides.

"I-It looks amazing."

"I hear that a lot."

Her laugh makes you smile.

Jieun puts her left hand on your chest, her smile suddenly turning into something different. She almost looks needy now.

"It's time to put your cock where it belongs."

Her right hand holds your cock once more, slowly stroking it a couple of times, before she guides it towards her warm core. This is it.

You watch with wide eyes. Your tip brushes her wet folds. Jieun moves it along her slit a couple of times, before she starts to part her lips with your cock.

Her wetness and warmth welcome you as your tip finally slips inside. Jieun slowly lowers herself onto you. Her pussy seems to swallow your cock, almost like her mouth did earlier. Its walls hug you, slightly squeezing your dick.

"Good boy."

Jieun mumbles, her eyes closed, as she sinks herself onto you.

You feel her pussy gliding along your shaft, until Jieun finally stops. You are almost fully inside of her by now. But you can see that she is struggling to take all of you inside.

Your hands automatically move to her waist, not sure what else to hold onto.

"You really are big."

Jieun sighs, before she starts to circle her hips. A moan almost escapes your mouth. This feels too good to be true. Why don't people have sex all the time? How are they able to do anything else?

You start to lose all train of thought, when Jieun stops the circling of her hips. She now lifts herself off you, both of her hands pressing against your chest. Her lips have a tight grip on you as they move along your length.

"Damn, you are making me so wet."

Jieun moans when she reaches your tip.

"I just want to impale myself on your cock until I cum."

Her confession makes you groan. You never thought you would hear someone say that to you. Ever.

Staying true to her words, Jieun suddenly slams herself down onto your lap. Bot of your eyes roll back at the pleasure. You feel your thighs slightly sticking together, due to Jieun's juices.

Before you can completely recover from this new feeling, Jieun has already moved upwards again and is now impaling herself onto your cock once more.

She hits you hard and deep everytime. The couple of seconds she needs to recover, whenever you bottom out inside of her, feel like ages.

"Jieun."

You moan her name, when she lets her pussy glide along your shaft once more.

Eventually, the two of you get used to each other. Jieun trades in the hard and deep thrusts for pace. She starts to really ride you now. The sound of her hips meeting yours echo through your room.

"Such a nice cock."

She breathlessly moans, her eyes shut as she enjoys the feeling of being completely filled.

Jieun keeps riding you, making you struggle to keep quiet. You try to distract yourself from the inevitable. Your hands start to explore Jieun's body. They first roam her midriff, enjoying her toned stomach, before they move further upwards.

You feel Jieun slowing down a little to make it easier for you to cup her tits. She tilts her head back when you grope her breasts.

"Yes, baby. Good boy."

You feel her pussy hugging you a little tighter now. You realize that you can't hold off your orgasm for much longer. It has been coming for a while now. Your exploring of her body made you forget about it for a moment. But the squeezing of her walls bring you back to reality.

Your hands keep cupping her tits as Jieun picks up the pace again. Soon, you are not the only one, who is hanging on by a threat.

The older woman feels your cock parting her walls, everytime she slams herself down on you. It almost seems like you hit deeper spots with every hit. Her nails slowly start to scratch the skin on your chest. That little bit of pain makes you squeeze Jieun's tits a little harder.

This finally drives the older woman over the edge. You didn't expect her to cum because of you. But here you are. Her pussy is pulsating around your cock, trying to to make you cum as well. Her lewd moan sounds like the voice of an angel as she voices her pleasure.

Jieun's tight grip on your cock brings you closer to your orgasm as well. You are able to hold out Jieun's, until she slowly starts to ride you again.

"Oh fuck. I needed that."

She sighs, enjoying your cock deep inside her pussy.

"I've been really stressed lately."

Jieun leans down to give you another kiss. You realize you are starting to get addicted to her lips. It's the same way with her pussy. If you stay inside of her for much longer, you doubt you will be able to live without it from now on.

"Tell me when you're there."

Jieun seems to be able to tell that you are close. It's embarrassing that you are cuming so soon. You wished you could try out more positions with her. Maybe even get a taste of her pussy. It looked more delicious than anything you've ever seen.

Jieun keeps riding you. Her snatch keeps your cock warm and wet. Her juices make it easy for her lips to glide along your shaft.

Your arms are slowly getting tired and you regretfully let go of her tits. Instead, your hands retake their place on Jieun's hip.

"Oh baby. Your cock feels so good. I really need your cum now."

Jieun's moaned words make you twitch inside of her. You are able to hold on a little longer. One more bounce. Two. Three.

You start counting, trying to distract yourself.

Ten. Twelve. Thirteen.

"Jieun."

Her name slips out of your mouth, accompanied by a deep groan. You never expected to say her name like this.

"Cum for me, baby. Put it in me."

You are unable to think straight. This is the hardest orgasm you've ever had. Everything starts to become blurry as you approach the end of the cliff.

"Creampie me. Give me that load."

Jieun's moans finally push you over. You feel her stop moving as you start to shoot rope after rope inside of her. You pump her pussy full with your cum.

You see stars as Jieun's pussy contracts around you, trying to squeeze every last drop out of your cock.

"Oh fuck yes. That's a good boy."

You eventually calm down, unable to comprehend what happened in the last thirty minutes. Did you actually do it? You had your first time with your classmate's mother? And came inside of her?

You are still unable to move, blankly staring up at the ceiling.

Jieun puts more weight onto your chest, leaning over you.

"You did great, baby."

She gives you another kiss.

"Where is the shower?"

"S-Second door on the right."

Jieun chuckles before kissing your cheek. She gets off of you and then off the bed. You realize she slipped her panties back on in the process. A dark spot is starting to ruin the white lace.

Taking this opportunity, you move your head, watching Jieun reach the door. Your eyes on her ass cheeks, taking in a sight, which you will probably never see again.

To your surprise, she suddenly turns around. Jieun giggles when she catches you staring.

"Aren't you coming?"

"W-What?"

"I thought you would enjoy taking me against a hard surface."

She winks at you, before leaving the room.

If you could, you would immediately jump off the bed. But your body is telling you take a moment.

Your eyes wander through your room, until they get caught on the yearbook, which is standing in your bookshelf. If Jieun would've seen it, would she have done the same? Or would she have called this off?

You genuinely can't tell.

When you hear a moan from the bathroom, you immediately jump out of your bed. The tiredness is all gone now. You realize that every second with her is priceless.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

AI art has no anti-cooption immune system

TONIGHT (July 20), I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

One thing Myspace had going for it: it was exuberantly ugly. The decision to let users with no design training loose on a highly customizable user-interface led to a proliferation of Myspace pages that vibrated with personality.

The ugliness of Myspace wasn't just exciting in a kind of outsider/folk-art way (though it was that). Myspace's ugliness was an anti-cooption force-field, because corporate designers and art-directors would, by and large, rather break their fingers and gouge out their eyes than produce pages that looked like that.

In this regard, Myspace was the heir to successive generations of "design democratization" that gave amateur communities, especially countercultural ones, a space to operate in where authentic community members could be easily distinguished between parasitic commercializers.

The immediate predecessors to Myspace's ugliness-as-a-feature were the web, and desktop publishing. Between the img tag, imagemaps, the blink tag, animated GIFs, and the million ways that you could weird a page with tables and padding, the early web was positively bursting with individual personality. The early web balanced in an equilibrium between the plunder-friendliness of "view source" and the topsy-turvy design imperatives of web-based layout, which confounded both print designers (no fixed fonts! RGB colorspaces! dithering!) and even multimedia designers who'd cut their teeth on Hypercard and CD ROMs (no fixed layout!).

Before the web came desktop publishing, the million tractor-feed ransom notes combining Broderbund Print Shop fonts, joystick-edited pixel-art, and a cohort of enthusiasts ranging from punk zinesters to community newsletter publishers. As this work proliferated on coffee-shop counters and telephone poles, it was visibly, obviously distinct from the work produced by "real" designers – that is, designers who'd been a) trained and b) paid by a corporation to employ that training.

All of this matters, and not just for aesthetic reasons. Communities – especially countercultural ones – are where our society's creative ferment starts. Getting your start in the trenches of the counterculture wars is no proof against being co-opted later (indeed, many of the designers who cut their teeth desktop publishing weird zines went on to pull their hair and roll their eyes at the incredible fuggliness of the web). But without that zone of noncommercial, antiestablishment, communitarian low weirdness, design and culture would stagnate.

I started thinking about this 25 years ago, the first time I met William Gibson. I'd been assigned by the Globe and Mail to interview him for the launch of All Tomorrow's Parties:

https://craphound.com/nonfic/transcript.html

One of the questions I asked was about his famous aphorism, "The street finds its own use for things." Given how quickly each post-punk tendency had been absorbed by commercial culture, couldn't we say that "Madison Avenue finds its own use for the street"? His answer started me down a quarter-century of thinking and writing about this subject:

I worry about what we'll do in the future, [about the instantaneous co-opting of pop culture]. Where is our new stuff going to come from? What we're doing pop culturally is like burning the rain forest. The biodiversity of pop culture is really, really in danger. I didn't see it coming until a few years ago, but looking back it's very apparent.

I watch a sort of primitive form of the recommodification machine around my friends and myself in sixties, and it took about two years for this clumsy mechanism to get and try to sell us The Monkees.

In 1977, it took about eight months for a slightly faster more refined mechanism to put punk in the window of Holt Renfrew. It's gotten faster ever since. The scene in Seattle that Nirvana came from: as soon as it had a label, it was on the runways of Paris.

Ugliness, transgressiveness and shock all represent an incoherent, grasping attempt to keep the world out of your demimonde – not just normies and squares, but also and especially enthusiastic marketers who want to figure out how to sell stuff to you, and use you to sell stuff to normies and squares.

I think this is what drove a lot of people to 4chan (remember, before 4chan was famous for incubating neofascism, it was the birthplace of Anonymous): its shock culture, combined with a strong cultural norm of anonymity, made for a difficult-to-digest, thoroughly spiky morsel that resisted recommodification (for a while).

All of this brings me to AI art (or AI "art"). In his essay on the "eerieness" of AI art, Henry Farrell quotes Mark Fisher's "The Weird and the Eerie":

https://www.programmablemutter.com/p/large-language-models-are-uncanny

"Eeriness" here is defined as "when there is something present where there should be nothing, or is there is nothing present when there should be something." AI is eerie because it produces the seeming of intent, without any intender:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/13/spooky-action-at-a-close-up/#invisible-hand

When we contemplate "authentic" countercultural work – ransom-note DTP, the weird old web, seizure-inducing Myspace GIFs – it is arresting because the personality of the human entity responsible for it shines through. We might be able to recognize where that person ganked their source-viewed HTML or pixel-optimized GIF, but we can also make inferences about the emotional meaning of those choices. To see that work is to connect to a mind. That mind might not necessarily belong to someone you want to be friends with or ever meet in person, but it is unmistakably another person, and you can't help but learn something about yourself from the way that their work makes you feel.

This is why corporate work is so often called "soulless." The point of corporate art is to dress the artificial person of the corporation in the stolen skins of the humans it uses as its substrate. Corporations are potentially immortal, artificial colony organisms. They maintain the pretense of personality, but they have no mind, only action that is the crescendo of an orchestra of improvised instruments played by hundreds or thousands of employees and a handful of executives who are often working directly against one another:

https://locusmag.com/2022/03/cory-doctorow-vertically-challenged/

The corporation is – as Charlie Stross has it – the "slow AI" that is slowly converting our planet to the long-prophesied grey goo (or, more prosaically, wildfire ashes and boiled oceans). The real thing that is signified by CEOs' professed fears of runaway AI is runaway corporations. As Ted Chiang says, the experience of being nominally in charge of a corporation that refuses to do what you tell it to is the kind of thing that will give you nightmares about autonomous AI turning on its masters:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/09/autocomplete-worshippers/#the-real-ai-was-the-corporations-that-we-fought-along-the-way

The job of corporate designers is to find the signifiers of authenticity and dress up the corporate entity's robotic imperatives in this stolen flesh. Everything about AI is done in service to this goal: the chatbots that replace customer service reps are meant to both perfectly mimic a real, competent corporate representative while also hewing perfectly to corporate policy, without ever betraying the real human frailties that none of us can escape.

In the same way, the shillbots that pretend to be corporate superfans online are supposed to perfectly amplify the corporate message, the slow AI's conception of its own virtues, without injecting their own off-script, potentially cringey enthusiasms.

The Hollywood writers' strike was, at root, about the studio execs' dream that they could convert the "insights" of focus groups and audience research into a perfect script, without having to go through a phalanx of lippy screenwriters who insisted on explaining why they think your idea is stupid. "Hey, nerd, make me another ET, except make the hero a dog, and set it on Mars" is exactly how you prompt an AI:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/20/everything-made-by-an-ai-is-in-the-public-domain/

Corporate design's job is to produce the seeming of intention without any intender. The "personality" we're meant to sense when we encounter corporate design isn't the designer's, nor the art director's, nor even the CEO's. The "personality" is meant to be the slow AI's, but a corporation doesn't have a personality.

In his 2018 short story "Noon in the antilibrary," Karl Schroeder describes an "antilibrary" as an endlessly deep anaerobic lagoon of generative botshit:

https://www.technologyreview.com/2018/08/18/104097/noon-in-the-antilibrary/

The antilibrary is a generative AI system that can produce entire librarys’-worth of fake books with fake authors, fake citations by other fake experts with their own fake books and biographies and fake social media accounts, on-demand and instantly. It was speculation in 2018; it’s possible now. Creating an antilibrary is just a matter of investing in a sufficient number of graphics cards and electricity.

https://kschroeder.substack.com/p/after-the-internet

Reading Karl's reflections on the antilibrary crystallized something for me that I've been thinking about for a quarter-century, since I interviewed Gibson at the Penguin offices in north Toronto. It snapped something into place that I've trying to fit since encountering Henry's thoughts on the "eeriness" of AI work and the intent without an intender.

It made me realize why I dislike AI art so much, on a deep, aesthetic level. The point of an image generator is to buffer the intention of the prompter (which might be genuinely creative and bursting with personality) in layers of automated decision-making that flense the final product of any hint of the mind that caused its creation.

The most febrile, deeply weird and authentic prompts of the most excluded outsiders produce images that feel the same as the corporate AI illustrations that project the illusion of personality from the immortal, transhuman colony organism that is the limited liability corporation.

AI art is born coopted. Even the 4chan equivalent of AI – the deeply transgressive and immoral nonconsensual pornography – feels no different from the "official" AI porn churned out by "real" pornographers. "Shrimp Jesus" and other SEO-optimized Facebook slop is so uncanny because it is simultaneously "weird" ("that which does not belong") and yet it belongs in the same aesthetic bucket of the most anodyne Corporate Memphis ephemera:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporate_Memphis

We call it "generative" but AI art can't generate the kind of turnover that aerates the aesthetic soil. An artform that can't be transgressive is sterile, stillborn, a dead end.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/20/ransom-note-force-field/#antilibraries

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

--

Jake (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:1970s_fanzines_(21224199545).jpg

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || They're Sick

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - July 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

GN!Reader. I changed it a little just so they weren’t too similar to one another, I hope that’s alright. Please let me know and I can fix and rewrite it for you <3

Trigger warning: Mentions of throwing up as well as people being ill, please don’t read if it’s something that may upset you <3

CHAN:

As soon as you felt the weight in the bed shift you realised Chan was waking up but it wasn't his usual slow wake-up, he shot out of bed before the bathroom door slammed. You frowned sitting up in the bed and glancing over at the bedroom door that was left wide open. 

"Channie?" You called out, quickly making your way toward the bathroom and peeling the door open to reveal Chan huddled over the toilet with his head lying against the seat. 

"That's not hygienic." You teased softly, walking behind him and kneeling on the ground, carefully running your fingers through his hair and hissing when you felt just how hot his skin was to touch. Before Chan could say anything to you, a gag sounded and he threw up into the toilet again. 

"I'll be right back." You whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder before making your way toward the kitchen and reaching for everything you were going to need for him.

You came book moments later holding a small kit that you'd prepared, Chan was slumped against the wall looking pale and slightly green, if that was even possible. 

"I'm sorry," He mumbled as you dropped in front of him, taking his temperature before handing him some tablets.

"Don't be, baby," You whispered, giving him a small bottle of water before cleaning the toilet as he took everything you gave to him.

"You don't have to do all of this," He grumbled, laying his head against the wall as he watched you clean up the mess he'd made, before sitting down in front of him once again.

"I know," You smiled warmly at him, "I want to. Did you take everything?" You noticed the tablets you'd given to him were all gone and he mumbled "yes" tiredly making you frown a little,

"Bed. Come on." You told him, gently helping him up from the floor and guiding him into the bedroom, even now he was unsteady on his feet and swaying a little. 

"I'll be fine, I just need to get some food and I can go to work."

"You're going to work over my dead body." You told him, laying him down on the bed before laying a cold cloth on his forehead, his eyes finding yours as a small pout played on his lips.

"But-"

"No buts, I'll call JYPE myself and force them to put you on strict bed rest," You warned him as his cheeks began to turn pink.

"You too warm?" Concern dripped from your voice as you noticed the pink on his cheeks and he smiled, shaking his head slowly.

"Just happy to have you be so caring to me," He whined out as you gently covered him with a thin blanket, kissing his cheek.

"Try and get some sleep, there's a bucket beside the bed just in case you feel ill again." You promised him, hoping the anti-sickness tablets would help him even a little. He whimpered a little but nodded, his eyes fluttering shut as he was barely able to keep them open much longer.

MINHO:

Whenever Minho knew he was getting sick he was the type to sneak away and suffer in silence, he didn't want to be a burden to anyone else and he would hide as much as humanly possible. Only this time when he'd shown up to the dorms you were already standing in the kitchen and cooking something that smelled as though it unclogged his sinuses the second he took a bite.

"Good, you're back." You smiled warmly at him, running your hands over the apron you were wearing before making your way toward him. You took the overnight bag from his arms and placed it on the sofa,

"Go and jump in the bath I made for you," You ran your hands over his cheeks and felt how hot he was running despite it being below-freezing outside. 

"How did you know where I was?" He'd made sure to make the guy's promise not to tell you that he was coming to rest. They were under strict orders to tell you he was needed for practice a lot, he hated lying to you but he didn't want you to get sick and he didn't want to burden you.

"Minho, we've been together for a year, if you think I don't know where you slink off to whenever you're sick then we have a problem." You joked softly, placing a soft kiss on his jaw before making your way back to the kitchen.

As soon as he was done he was dressed in some PJs you'd laid out on the bed for him and the soup was waiting for him on the kitchen table,

"What did you make?" His voice was hoarse from how hard he'd been coughing lately,

"It's a soup, my grandmother used to make it whenever I got a cold, it's soft on your throat but it'll unclog your nose," You promised him as he sat down beside you, a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

"Thank you," He whispered,

"I know you hate it when people help you but I want to do this, baby, I want to help." You told him as you ran your hand over his, gently rubbing his skin as he nodded shyly at you. 

"I feel like a burden when I'm sick," He admitted begrudgingly.

"Don't. I enjoy getting to pamper you, usually, it's always you that pampers me," You laughed softly, giving him a spoon and starting to eat the soup together.

CHANGBIN:

A crash sounding from the living room made you jolt awake and reach for Changbin who wasn't beside you, your eyebrows knitted together as you stared down wondering where he was. It was almost two in the morning and it wasn't like him to get home so late from work, or even from parties whenever he and the boys were celebrating. 

"Shit," You heard a voice mumble before laughter sounded from the living room, followed by another crash making you head that way only to find Changbin bent down trying to clean something up from the floor. You flicked the light switch on only to find him trying to clean up glass.

"Binnie, what-"

"Shh! I can't wake Yn up," He laughed again, his body swaying slightly and you instantly knew what was wrong with him, he'd clearly been drinking too much that night.

"Lay down," You ordered, forcing him down onto the sofa and trying to get a good look at his hand, luckily he hadn't cut it on his gallant effort to clean up the broken vase that scattered the floors.

"Ynnnnn!" He yelled before he got that look on his face, his hands holding his stomach and you quickly darted to the kitchen, grabbing a bucket and running back to him, just in time before he barfed into the bucket you were holding. 

"Sorry," He grumbles, his head spinning as he held onto the bucket and kept his head inside, not daring to lift it in case he threw up again. You stared at him and shook your head, you knew that they were celebrating finishing their album tonight but you had no idea he'd come back to you like this. If you had, you would have prepared everything for him already.

"Don't move, okay?" You stared at him as he held up a thumb and you began to work your magic. Cleaning up the glass from the floor as good as you could before heading into the kitchen and grabbing some water, painkillers and orange juice. Adding everything onto a tray before making sure to grab him some plain bread to eat as soon as he was done throwing up. 

"You're the best," He told you as you placed the tray down on the coffee table and ran your fingers through his hair,

"I know," You teased, smirking down at him as he groaned, throwing up once again into the bucket in his hands, followed by a moan of disgust.

"I'm never drinking again," He told you, making you roll your eyes playfully,

"How many times have we been in this exact situation and you say that exact sentence?" You laughed, rubbing his back softly as he mumbled something about "meaning it this time."

HYUNJIN:

You pushed open the door to your shared apartment you had with Hyunjin and frowned a little, the usual welcoming scent of lavender you had burning was missing. Instead, a faint, unfamiliar mustiness hung in the air.

"Hyunjin?" You called out, walking further into the apartment and dropping off your bags, something was clearly wrong if there was no response from him. Hyunjin had been complaining about a headache the night before, but he brushed it off as a side effect of practising all day.  

"hyunnie?" You called out again, louder this time, as you made your way through the apartment toward the bedroom where you found the door slightly ajar.

There you found Hyunjin lying sprawled on the bed, a thin sheen of sweat glistening on his forehead. A pillow over his head as he grumbled something about you being too loud. You hurried to his side, kneeling beside the bed and sighing a little, you slowly peeled back the pillow to find him screwing his eyes shut. The light hurt his eyes.

"Hey," You said softly, brushing a damp strand of hair from his forehead. "You're burning up. Why didn't you call me?" You breathed out,

"I didn't want to worry you," he mumbled, his eyes closing again as you shook your head at him, you hated when he refused to ask for help.

"I'm going to take care of you," You promised, taking in the sight of him and the bed, he did not look comfortable at all. 

"Let's get you comfortable first." You carefully untangled the sheets from around him, helping him sit up enough to drink some water. He sipped gratefully, his parched lips parting for more. Next, you rushed to the windows, opening them slightly but pulling the blinds down so the light from the afternoon sun wouldn't bother him.

You spent the next few hours by his side. You changed the washcloth on his head regularly, fetched medicine, and coaxed him into drinking more fluids. You'd told the boys he wouldn't be going to work for a few days and made sure he was going to be on bed rest for a while, or at least until he was better.

"You're the best partner anyone could ever wish for." He mumbled, his voice hoarse as you carefully handed him some tea, smiling warmly at him.

"Just drink the tea, no flirting." You winked at him before he sipped on the warm drink you'd made for him.

JISUNG:

Jisung had been under a lot of stress lately at work which should have been your first hint at what sight was going to await you as you walked into the dorms one night after work. Jisung was sprawled out on the sofa, looking as though he'd been through a week of no sleep and hadn't eaten properly.

"What are you doing here?" He hadn't meant for it to come out the way it had but he hadn't expected to see you tonight, he'd been looking forward to rotting away on the sofa for the entire night. 

"It's date night," You reminded him, pointing down at your outside that you'd spent hours picking before laying your bag down and kneeling beside Jisung who looked heartbroken that he had forgotten the date. 

"Babe...I-I'm sorry." He stuttered out but you'd put your hand on his forehead and bit down on your lip, he was already spiking a fever and you hadn't been here to know how long or how bad he had been. 

"Shh, it's fine. We can have a cosy night in." You suggested, shrugging off your jacket and going to search their cabinets in look for anything other than food. They had to have some sort of medication for when they got sick, right?

"Sit up," You whispered as you sat in front of Jisung, holding a jar of vapour rub in your hand and waiting for your boyfriend to inch forward. As soon as he did you carefully began to rub the cream into his chest, making sure your hands were warm enough so you didn't shock him.

"Thank you," He groaned, his voice sounding as though he'd been swallowing sand paper all day.

"I'll make you some tea and we can watch Howl's moving castle." You suggested, gently running your fingers through his hair and smiling at him with a warm smile.

FELIX:

You'd woken up earlier than intended this morning, went and made breakfast and came back to the bedroom to find Felix sitting up in the bed, his head in his hands as he tried to calm himself down from the wave of dizziness that had met him when he woke up. 

"You look like shit," You offered as you saw the state of him, trying to tease him softly.

"Thanks, that's really nice to hear from the love of my life," He coughed out with a weak smile, his voice sounded like he'd been eating nails for days and you hated that he was getting sick. 

"You should have texted me," You mumbled, running your hand over his head and checking for a fever, he was already starting to burn up which only confirmed that he was getting sick. 

"I don't want to bother you," He mumbled, his body aching as he laid down in the sheets and snuggled against them. Felix hated this, he was normally the caring one in the relationship. He wanted to be the one to look after you and right now he felt as though he was failing that.

"You're never a bother, Lixie." You whined at him, his eyes struggling to stay open as he gave into the feeling of what his body was telling him.

When he woke up again, the smell of chamomile and honey filled the air and you were sitting at the edge of his bed with a tray on your lap.

"Drink." You ordered, holding up a small cup of steaming tea, Felix knew better than to fight you on it and he took a sip, the warm liquid soothing his throat,

"You didn't have to do this." He coughed out, sitting up slightly and leaning against the headboard,

"Of course I did," You smirked as you replied. "You're always taking care of me. Let me return the favour." Felix sighed at you, pouting a little as he looked down at himself, stuck in bed for god knows how long. 

"I just hate being useless." You hated that he was beating himself up so much so you ran your hand over his cheek,

 "You're not useless, Lix. You're just human. Everyone gets sick."

"Not you," he mumbled.

"Especially me," You corrected, scoffing a little as you remembered the last time you'd gotten so sick you couldn't leave your bed. 

"Remember last winter when I had the flu? You stayed up all night making sure I was okay. It's my turn now." Felix frowned, his stubbornness warring a little since he knew you were right.

 "I just want to be the one taking care of you. It makes me feel… I don’t know, like I’m doing something right." Your expression softened as you reached out, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. 

"You do so much right, Lixie. You don't need to prove anything to me. Let me take care of you this time, okay?" He thought about it for a moment before nodding his head, relaxing against the pillows as you spent the night looking after him. Bringing him soup, fluffing his pillows, giving him everything he could ever need and more.

SEUNGMIN:

All week long Seungmin had been giving you the brush off whenever you tried to get him to go to yours or when you suggested going to spend time with him, you began to worry a little that something was really wrong and as you stepped into his apartment your fears were confirmed. 

"Kim Seungmin." You cried out seeing him lying on the sofa, sweat dripping down his forehead as he coughed into a tissue and whined at you for being too loud.

"Go home." He grumbled, a little harsher than he wanted but he couldn't risk you getting sick because of him, the last thing he wanted was for you to end up the way he was feeling right now. 

"No." You laughed, dropping your jacket onto the coat hook and making your way to the kitchen where you knew he had things he needed. 

"yn." He coughed up but you ignored him, preparing some tea before bringing it to him, laying it down on the coffee table and staring down at your boyfriend who appeared to be pouting at you.

"You're cute when you're pouting," You smirked, kissing his cheek softly before he moved away from you,

"You'll get sick," He moaned, shaking his head at you and covering his mouth with a tissue as if it was going to stop the germs from getting to you.

"I'll be fine, just let me take care of you." You stayed where you were standing and he sighed, knowing better than to argue with you about something since you were just as stubborn as him usually. 

"Go to bed, I'll clean up and make you some soup." He nodded, sluggishly making his way to his room and getting under the sheets, shutting his eyes for a few minutes.

A few days later Seungmin finally began to feel human again and you'd cleaned up the entire apartment, opening the windows for fresh air and bringing him hot soup for every meal so he would be nursed back to health. 

JEONGIN: 

You always said you had a sixth sense about when those you cared about were going to get sick which was probably why you'd walked into your home after work one night already carrying everything you were going to need to help Jeongin feel better.

"How did you know?" He mumbled as he saw the pharmacy bag in your hand as well as a grocery bag that seemed to be filled to the brim with ingredients. 

"Because I'm secretly magic," You smirked, hating to see him laid up on the sofa surrounded by tissues, his nose already red from blowing it so much and you smiled weakly. 

"Magcially good looking." He said, trying to pass the comment off as flirty but because he was sick it just didn't work and he coughed into his hands, whining a little at the pain in his chest.

"Come on, take these baby." You offered, handing him the box of flu tablets before opening a fresh bottle of water and taking away the one he had been using.

"From now on, a fresh bottle every time or let me wash the one you're using." You instructed him, taking some of the rubs you'd gotten from the doctors and gently massaging it into his bare chest, watching as he stared at you with love in his eyes. As much as Jeongin hated being sick he adored this caring side of you, getting to be pampered by you was one of his favourite things in the world.

"Are you going to make your famous soup?" He shouldn't have sounded as excited as he did but you only ever made it when someone was sick and refused to do it any other time.

"Yes. But only if you go and get in a warm bath, let your body soak." You kissed his cheek and watched as he practically raced to the bathroom.

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[covetyou]

ghosted

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader rating: Explicit (18+ only!) warnings: sex toys (satisfyer "glowing ghost"), unprotected P in V, creampie, oral (f receiving), reader loves floor time (so does Joel), angst (but we fix it), some anxiety/depression adjacent things. word count: 5751 summary: As spring moves into summer, the only thing you're wishing for is to be so far from the events of Easter, and Valentine's and Christmas before it, that you could forget and move on. But, by the time the end of May is on the horizon, the time between still isn't enough - You haven't forgotten, and you haven't moved on.

A/N: thank you to everyone still sticking with this sporadic-installment-series-that-was-never-meant-to-be-a-series. our next visit to these two will be 4th July in stars and stripes, but until then, enjoy 💛

(and yes I know I am technically later than planned with this for non Americas folk - I couldn't get the ending to my liking until suddenly I could, and now its gone midnight. whoops!)

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If it was true that time flies when you're having fun, it was safe to say the opposite was true too.

You weren't having fun, and time was well and truly crawling by at a snails pace.

That wasn't for lack of trying. In recent weeks you'd spent more time out of the house than you ever had - lunch with friends, drinks with colleagues, solo trips to bookstores and farmers markets. There was barely a moment of time you hadn't filled with something.

It was probably a shitty coping mechanism, all things considered, but it was the best you had. You couldn't quite bring yourself to confide in anyone your secret shame of letting a stranger into your house and touch you like he belonged there. The even bigger shame of living in a place for so very long and not knowing how the door worked, not knowing the stranger was your neighbor, being so very consumed in your own life - woe is you - that you didn't bother paying attention to the lives of the people around you. So, you kept on willing the passage of time, and filling every moment you could with distractions.

It wasn't that you were usually one for wishing time away. A slow, warm spring before the blazing heat of summer consumed everything would usually be a good thing - even better now that you'd lived and experienced your first Texas summer and were soon to have your second.

What you were really wishing for was to be so far from the events of Easter, and Valentine's and Christmas before it, that you could forget and move on.

As it was, by the time the end of May was on the horizon, the time between still wasn't enough. Almost two months to the day, and it still ached and burned in you just as much as it always had, if not more. The embarrassment and shame of not knowing how to work a fucking lock was one thing, the fear of the danger you'd put yourself in was another. Then there was the sadness, the loss, the unexpected emptiness at losing something you weren't even sure you had to begin with. And then, in more recent weeks, was the longing.

And you didn't want to feel any of it.

When Memorial Day Weekend eventually rolls around, the blossoming heat of summer keeping you indoors, you lie there on your living room floor, a fan blowing not quite cool enough air across your sweaty body until a knock at the door disturbs the patterns your eyes were tracing on the ceiling.

The dimness in your vision doesn't go away, even as you blink away the dust and try to get your eyes to adjust. The sun had set, apparently. It wasn't completely dark just yet, but dark enough to cast the lower level of your home in shadow, and you hadn't even noticed. You technically had plans today - plans that had now gone to shit, much like everything else.

Hauling yourself from the ground, you unlock your door, no thought or care of who could be on the other side of it, because one thing was certain - it wouldn't be Joel. You'd lost hope of that weeks ago. Each time you opened it with a fools hope in your mind, you were instead handed a delivery and told to have a good day as you stared out into the street, disappointed that it was only a clitty-blaster-3000, or a new blender, and not Joel.

You mindlessly pull open the door, expecting to be handed a package you hadn't ordered, or to even see a friendly face coming to pull you out for plans you agreed to but didn't really want to do.

But there he is. Two months later - but not too late, you don't think - and entirely out of the blue. Nervous hands are thrust into his pockets with his thumbs twitching on the outside of his jeans, standing there like he didn't belong here at all, when everything in your body was screaming he's home.

This was far from the first time you'd seen him since March. The first time was barely three days after you pushed him away. April Fools' Day, of all days. Fitting, you thought, given how much of a fucking fool you felt whenever you remembered everything you'd done, and said, and felt. It turns out he was the owner of the truck you'd seen parked in a drive a little way down the street, father to the little girl you'd seen bounding out of that house so many times before. Neither thing made the hurt in your chest any less, and you'd driven past with a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes.

The same happens now, but you fight them back so you can see more clearly as his mouth twitches into a small smile, making you freeze on the spot. Your mind was already blank, but that freezes too, and you stare at him dumbstruck for a moment so long you're certain a flicker of concern dances across his eyes.

And you could close the door in his face, push him out and away just like you did on that day over two months ago, but you don't. As you come back around, finally letting your brain reconnect with the rest of your body, the only thing you can feel is relief and total utter joy at getting to see him up close again.

There's still shame too. That's been simmering low and mellow in you for so long now that it's fused with your bones - you're not sure you'll ever shake it - but it's the least important thing right now as you stand and look at him, more awkward and uncertain than you've ever seen him.

"Hi."

You're surprised it's you who speaks first, given how dry your mouth is all of a sudden, seeing him up close again and looking as good as, if not better, than he ever has.

"Hey," he says, before clearing his throat. "S'good to see you."

It's a voice you didn't want to forget, but apparently damn near almost had, given the way your body reacts to it. Deep and rumbling, with the slow southern drawl trickling down your spine like honey and settling between your thighs - though in all honesty that might just be sweat. It really is hot in here, worse now that you're standing, and the fan is doing absolutely nothing to help. You look a mess too - your hair, your clothes, your life - but he doesn't seem to mind, and you're grateful, because right now this is as good as you've got.

"Wanted to see how you were doin'. Figured we should talk," he says with another soft smile.

Stepping aside, you give him a small nod as you silently invite him into your home for the first time. Which should be funny, given the unknown number of times he's been through this door, but you're not ready to laugh about any of it just yet.

When the door closes behind him, it's soft and gentle, barely audible over the fan blasting warm air at you, and you wonder if it's always like that. If he's always quiet as a mouse, and you always too oblivious to notice - between the two of you, you didn't stand a hope in hell in figuring it all out until it was too late and blew up in your face. Now, here you are, egg on your face, the heat in the room not helping the heat in your cheeks, trying desperately not to send him away when you've just invited him in.

It would be easier if it all still felt like a dream, but it didn't. That had changed.

Joel had never been much of a normal man in your mind. He was more of a fantasy come to life. A fantasy that was slowly building into something more and more real with each encounter. Even now, stood in normal shoes, wearing a normal t-shirt, and even more normal jeans - just Some Guy by anybodies standard - he looks as beautiful and fantastic as ever.

"Wanted to talk to you sooner. Wanted to leave it up to you given - y'know. Everythin'. Didn't want you to think I was just bargin' in all the time when it was convenient for me," he says, this very normal man already making you feel both silly and elated that he was waiting for you as much as you were waiting for him. Obviously you could have gone to him first. You just couldn't do it. You almost had so many times, but the twist of your key in the door would twist something in the pit of your stomach too, and you'd stop before you even made it out the house.

You knew why. It was always the same thing. You didn't want to talk - not ever. You just wanted things to be okay, or not, and go on with your life. It was one of those childish things you had your mom to thank for - she wasn't great at talking about the important thing either.

The difference now was Joel. You wanted to talk to him, you wanted to work out everything with him rather than alone in your head. But prior to the door incident, that wasn't what this was and after - well, fuck - after, it seemed that it could have been like that all along but you were too damn late to do anything about it.

"Know you were angry with me - maybe still are - and I -"

"I wasn't angry with you," you blurt out, already aware of the lie the moment it leaves your lips. Joel is too, and he raises an eyebrow at you. "Okay. Yes. It pissed me off - you pissed me off. Happy?"

"No. Never wanted to piss you off, darlin'," he murmurs in return, and you can see that he means it by the way all of him softens, drooping in defeat at your admission.

"I... You embarrassed me, Joel. I feel embarrassed, okay? I feel like a stupid idiot, and I -"

You can already feel it all coming back. The swirling in your head, and the heat creeping up your chest and down your arms, not helped by this sweltering fucking house. It's like fainting, but instead of blacking out, a white hot rage is ready to ignite in you. And of everything, it's the thing you most never want to feel again. You'd take all the sadness, loss, emptiness, and longing of the last two months a million times over if it means you never have to feel this again.

" - and it makes me angry. And I hate feeling like that, like this, and I just couldn't come talk to you because I feel so stupid."

"Woah, darlin', c'mon now, we both know you ain't stupid."

"I don't know how to work a fucking door, Joel. Do you know how long people have had doors?"

Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes before starting up again, hoping Joel will take the lead and talk for you first, but he doesn't.

"And I thought we were on the same page. That we were both doing the same silly thing, and it was okay that it was silly and fun, because we were both in on the joke. And... I liked seeing you. I liked it when you were here and it just - it just feels like it was a lie, and what I got out of it isn't what you got out of it. And that's okay, but it still feels stupid. I feel like an idiot, and an asshole, and knowing that you knew so much more about me than I knew about you, I just-"

"Do you want to?" he asks. "Do you wanna get to know me? Just gotta say, and it's done. I want you to know about me - I never meant to hide anythin' from you like that. And I don't want you to be mad, and I don't want you to feel embarrassed, cause the way I see it, we both got shit to be embarrassed about. I was breakin' into your house for months, thinkin' I was invited."

You wince a little, and he just smiles, shrugging his broad shoulders that what's done is done, nonchalance easing your anxiety for the first time ever rather than making it worse.

"I used to stand out there in front of your door and talk to your doorbell like you'd talk back to me any minute," Joel says with a laugh. "Course, now I get that you probably ain't got it hooked up. Never did hear the fuckin' thing ring."

Fuck. Right. Yeah, he's got you there. You'd bought it when you moved in, at your mom's insistence, and never got around to connecting it to anything. You figured it just being there would be deterrent enough and, other than visits from Joel, it had been.

He laughs again at your poorly masked grimace, and any other time you'd maybe be infuriated by him finding humor in something you'd been hurting over for weeks. It's not until you meet his eye and see the silliness in it all too - neither of you really did have any hope.

"Right? It's dumb. Not you, not me, it's just dumb. I even used to tell you when I'd be over next, let you know when to expect me. Leave out a key or put the door on the latch if it's okay for me to come by. I thought I was bein' invited in, but I was breakin' in. Shit. You're embarrassed, and I'm a criminal, I guess we're both losers."

Any anger you had is gone in a flash as laughter ripples through your belly and out your throat. In a way, it's all true. Joel was just as fucked as you, had just as much to be embarrassed and fearful about as you. Unknowingly leaving your home vulnerable to intruders is one thing, but being an accidental criminal for months is another.

"I liked it. I... I never knew when you were coming."

"Hey, if that's what gets your rocks off," he says with a wink, and you laugh again. "I ain't one to judge, but we can explore that in safer ways than keepin' a door unlocked day and night."

You both realize what he said the second the word left his lips.

We.

As in us.

As in together.

And you think he might take it back as quick as he said it, but he doesn't. He just looks at you, half fearful that he said the wrong thing, half hopeful that he said the right thing.

"Okay."

With one word he brightens, and you can feel it in you too. Whatever it is is mutual. Has been since the red velvet coat, since the wings, since the bunny ears, and all the spaces in between.

"Yeah? Cause I'd like to start over, if that's okay with you."

"Well, that sounds like a terrible idea," you say bluntly, because honestly you cannot think of anything worse. Joel's slow steps towards you falter for a second as he tries not to let the disappointment in his face show, but you're already smiling. "You can pry Santa, Cupid, and Flopsy from my cold, dead hands."

And his laugh is glorious, cracking open the remnants of the walls you'd put around yourself and letting your bones soak in the warmth of him, just as his arms come to wrap around you, pulling you against his chest. He smells so familiar - that's one thing you know about him. You might not know about his favorite color, or what he likes to eat, or even his daughters name just yet. But you know what he smells like, how his smile lights up his eyes, and how his hands feel on you, anchoring you in place even as you send yourself dizzy breathing him in.

He's going to kiss you too. You know that, and you welcome it, but before he can, you pull back.

"There's so much I want to know, I don't know how I missed so much."

"You get one question before I'm kissin' you."

You think for just a second before looking down to where your fingers curl into his shirt - an old Fleetwood Mac tee, so washed and worn it's like butter beneath your fingers.

With a wry smile, you look up at him from beneath your lashes, unable to hold back the laughter in your voice. "What are you dressed as today? Don't think I know this one, you're usually on theme."

"This? I'm just your plain ol' friendly neighborhood Joel Miller."

His lips are on yours then, pressing a soft kiss into the curve of your mouth, eyes searching yours for one, two, three seconds, before he dives back in, kissing you in earnest, making up for all the in betweens you'd been wishing away.

You wrap yourself around him, clinging to him, damn near wanting to climb up him, as you make out like teenagers in the middle of your living room. His hands wander across your shoulders, down your spine, grasping at any softness he can find along the way until his hands settle - one on your ass, and one gently cupping the back of your neck.

And as you kiss, holding each other close like you were long lost lovers and not whatever this thing between you was, you can't help but think that Joel Miller may just be your favorite Joel yet.

"Now, I got a question for you," he mumbles into your mouth, each word chased by your kisses. You've never wanted to seem desperate before, but right now you don't care, and by the way he's holding you, Joel doesn't mind either.

"Why the fuck do you have a nightlight?"

Shooting him an inquisitive look, you follow his gaze over your shoulder.

There on your counter, little light blinking away, is your very own clitty-blaster-3000, a luminous ghost with its mouth set in a permanent O, glowing brightly in the darkness. Shit. You'd brought it down this morning to charge, needing to keep a watchful eye on it and its janky magnetic charger to make sure it charged fully. You'd totally forgotten about it, and now here it was, glowing like a beacon after being out in the sun all day.

You try to pull away from Joel, but with his arms locked around your body, and his mouth pressing soft whiskered kisses to your neck, you don't have the strength, or the inclination, to move.

"It's not a nightlight, I can go put it away, if you just gimme-"

He tucks you behind him, swatting away your arms as you feebly try to reach around and grab it from him. Truthfully, you quite like the idea of him holding it, using it, but you feel bad that he might not know what it is.

"Not a nightlight, huh?" He says, grabbing the toy from the counter, said charger immediately popping off and clattering to the ground. He inspects it, turning it over in his hands, bringing it so close to his face it casts shadows across his features with its glow. "Oh, I know what this is."

"What is it then, smartass."

"Other than Pac-Man's worst nightmare? It's one of them clitty-blaster-3000 things."

Eyes wide, you double over, cackling and holding desperately onto yourself so you don't totally fall apart in front of him. He laughs with you, though maybe it's a little bit at you too, but you don't mind.

"What?!" he says smiling as he watches you fight to right yourself, gripping his forearm with laugh weakened fingers.

"That's what I call it!"

"Yeah? It good?"

His eyes are burning into yours. You know where this is going, and there's a brief thought that maybe you should stop it, slow things down. But you don't. Instead, you bite your lip and nod, making a noise of confirmation as Joel fiddles with the buttons on the toy.

A second later, it whirrs to life, a gentle throbbing buzz meeting your ears.

Joel puts his thumb over the hole, the suction gently hammering away at his finger tip as he clicks up and up through the intensity until he's well past a level you can use it at.

"Shit, yeah. Can see how that'd feel good."

"I, uhm, like to tease myself with it."

"Yeah?" he says as it clicks back down through the settings and rests on the softest one again. "Is that how you use it? Just to tease yourself?"

"No," you say, gasping a little when he raises the toy to your neck, pressing the mouth of the ghost to you as if pressing a kiss to your skin. "I - I just kinda stick it on there, to be honest. But I go slow with the - with the settings."

Joel clicks up one setting, the gentle thrumming at your neck intensifying a little.

"Yeah? You take your time? Give her what she deserves?"

You forgot what this was like - how easy and good it was to give in to wanting him, and how easy it was to let yourself have him too.

"Mhm."

"Good. Can't say I ain't jealous though. Missed comin' here. Seein' you. Thought about you, thought about comin' to see you but -"

"Thought about you too."

"When you were usin' this?"

You nod, tilting your head to the side and sighing as he glides the tip of the toy across your pulse point, behind your ear, down the column of your throat.

"Can I use it on you?"

You damn near want to tell him he can do whatever the fuck he wants with you, but the words are lost when you nod again and he captures your mouth in another kiss, brutal in its softness as he guides you back to your couch and all the plush cushions you have stacked there. Since Christmas, your home décor skills have definitely improved. Things look a little less bare, the place looks a little more lived in. There's still pictures to hang and empty spaces on shelves to fill, but you know those things will come in time. For now, you're grateful for the comfy place you've made on your sofa as Joel sits you down, guiding you down with strong hands.

Your shorts are quickly pulled off, the toy pulled from your neck so Joel can kiss his own better trail across your flesh. You hold him to you, anchor him into your bosom like he might drift off like a spectre in the night if you don't, but he's as latched to you as you are to him.

And then he's on his knees for you, jeans straining as his cock swells, hands gripping your thighs then pushing your shirt up, exposing you for him. Panties soon follow your shorts, yanked down your legs in a joint effort by your left hand and his right as he can't resist lapping at your mouth, tangling his tongue with yours.

He's everything you tried to forget, and some of the things you did. He's strong, and broad. He's gentle too, and soft - his eyes, mostly, but some other parts of him too. He's silly, and playful, smiling into your mouth and nipping at you, the hand by your thigh teasing the buzzing toy over the delicate skin there and delighting in your shudder.

As he moves it closer, the sounds of the suction against your skin making you both giggle, he moves down, burying his face into your neck and breathing in. You already know that it's never been like this before - that this is something new, just like every other time before had been something new.

"So you just stick it on, huh?"

"Lube. With lube."

His face is between your legs in an instant, licking messily around your clit, not really trying to get you off, just aiming to get you wet. When he pulls back, toy in hand, he raises the glowing toy mouth to his own and licks, smiling at the sound of it suctioning to his tongue.

"That good enough?"

And you nod, giving in to his kisses again before he breathlessly spreads you apart with both hands, looking at your cunt like if he blinks it'll all fade away.

"You know I ain't seen this for three months?"

"You been counting?"

"I missed you," he repeats with a breathless kiss to your thigh. "Missed this."

He lights his way with the glow of the toy rumbling in his hand, pulling back your clit for just one second, barely holding in a groan, before he gently holds the mouth of the ghost to you, pressing until the obscene slurp is muffled by full suction on your clit.

And it's divine, just like it always is, but somehow made even better by the man doing it to you. Fascinated eyes don't stop watching as it hammers air lightly at your clit in a constant rhythm, and the sight alone makes you drip. You're grateful for the heat now, and the sheet you'd covered your velvet sofa with, saving you an undoubtedly messy clean up later.

The toy slips when Joel climbs back off his knees to press his mouth to yours, and the air splutters and ripples past your skin again, as Joel laughs into your mouth.

"The sound of this thing, jesus fuckin' christ. Sounds like you're -"

"Don't. Don't make me laugh, you'll distract me."

"I like it when you laugh," but he's already pressing it flush to your skin again, stopping the sound and sending the ripples directly back to your clit.

"Ohh, f- "

"That's it," he says, watching as your hips rock ever so slightly into the throbbing toy sucking away on your clit. "Fuck, that's it. Lettin' me get you off with this thing."

"Think I can get some fingers in and keep this right where you need it?"

"Mm."

"Yeah?" he says, swiping at your entrance with his middle fingers, carefully holding the toy in place with his palm. "Just like that. There we go. Right in there. Fuck, I missed this. Missed bein' in here."

"Fuck."

"That's it. You come on 'em. Wanna feel it."

"Joel, down. Move it down. Ple- ah."

"There?"

"Right there," you sigh, panting and barely making it through the words before your eyes snap shut.

And then Joel is in your ear, his breath fanning against you, cooling you for a second even as his fingers stoke the fire raging in your core.

"You're fuckin' beautiful," he murmurs, and you just know he's looking down at you, the picture of a perfect mess. A sheen of sweat on your skin, lips swollen and parted as you gasp, thighs spread wide, hips rocking into Joel's illuminated palm, t-shirt rucked high over your hips, hands on your tits, nipples pinched between your own fingers, moaning, panting, coming.

You twitch in his arms, burying your head in his neck and breathing deep. Something about the position you're in can keep it going longer, can keep that thrumming pressure on your clit right where it is, past your usual limit, dragging your orgasm on and on until you're gasping Joel's name.

He gingerly pulls the glowing toy off of you - its brightness dimmed only slightly since you lost sight of it between your legs - fiddling with buttons until he gives in and throws it to the side to run his hands over you.

With a light kisses to your parted lips, he apologizes, giving you softly muttered sorrys for ever upsetting you, for taking so long to come talk to you, and before you can return the sentiment, he sends you laughing again.

"And I'm sorry for breakin' into your house. Accidentally."

Your laughter makes him shift, and his face contorts as he gasps in discomfort.

"Fuckin' jeans. Pinchin'," is all he says, as he tries to adjust himself. You can see his zipper strain with the weight of his cock, stiff and unattended, behind the thick fabric.

"Take 'em off."

"Came here for you, not me."

"And if I want you to come for me?"

Joel blinks.

"Then I'm takin' my damn pants off," he says, taking his pants off. He sighs in relief when the pressure on his cock is released, groans when your hand palms him over the damp fabric, gasps into your mouth when you slip your fingers beneath his waistband, finding his cock slick and wet with precum, curses into your hair when you lick the salty taste of him from your fingers.

Tugging his boxers down a little more, his cock springs free, slapping his wet tip against his belly. In a blink you're on him, pulling off his shirt as you go to suck wet kisses into his neck, his chest, and letting your fingers toy with his nipples and the other feel down past his boxers, cupping his balls and rolling your thumb across the sensitive flesh before he pushes up into you.

He's solid. You're surprised he didn't come in his pants with how firm he feels slipping against your cunt. You meet his thrust, grinding down into his solid length, trying to hold your own shirt up so you can see the tip of his cock as he ruts against you.

"Does that feel good?"

"Fu - yeah. Y'always feel good."

"Y'know what would feel better," you whisper, scratching gently down his chest and watching goosebumps prickle his skin. With a shift of your hips, his next thrust pushes in, just slightly, before popping out and grinding into your clit again. His next thrust - slower, firmer - notches against your entrance and pushes in, Joel's hands on your ass dragging you down, until you're seated to the root of him.

It's a stretch. It always was. But over three months, and a decline in solo sessions, made it even more so.

Still, even through the stretch, you rock against him, looking into the eyes of Joel Miller, the normal, every day guy who lives down your street, and smile at it all, and the look on his face that says he couldn't be luckier.

"Said I wanted you to come, didn't I?"

And you meant it. You show him how much you mean it as you start to ride him, lifting higher and higher off of him before pushing back down. Your thighs clap against his, wet with sweat and slipping together with each movement, echoing around your living room.

It doesn't last long. It can't. It's too fucking hot, and you're woefully out of practice as the stretch in your pussy turns into a burn in your legs. You can see Joel's face start to pinch and contort, looking between your face, your bouncing tits, and the slip of his cock in and out of you, barely visible in the shadows.

But you can't keep going. You'll pass out if you do. Joel's hands register what you're doing before his face does, gripping tighter and holding you down on him, before his mouth opens in a gasp, his head falling back after losing something he was so close to getting.

You barely pull in a breath of warm air before Joel is dragging you down, flipping you unceremoniously onto your back on the floor.

It's cooler down here, even with Joel's body over yours. It's why you were on the floor to begin with, before he came back, before you let him back in. Joel fumbles against you, the sweat on your body acting more like a full body lube at this point, before he slides back in, knocking the air out of you as he fills you all over again.

Even though his knees will be bruised in the morning and your back will ache, he pounds into you, gripping your shirt and pulling you down with each thrust.

And it's just so fucking good you can't help but practically scream as he fucks you, moaning loudly into his ear as he groans and pants and swears into yours. Your fingers can't find purchase against his back, even as you desperately claw at him. There's too much sweat - it's too fucking hot in here - but you wouldn't change any of the desperate mess that you find yourselves in here on the floor.

He's growling, balls slapping against you, fucking you so hard you have to throw a hand out to hold onto the couch.

"I'm gonna - fuck - look at me. Look. Fuck. Fuck."

He presses in then, spurting deep in you, stealing the air from your mouth, and you from his, as you gasp and groan with each shallow thrust of his hips.

When he pulls out, hands going from bruising grip to gentle strokes, he rolls off of you, his back slapping wetly against the ground just as your pussy makes its own equally wet sound. And you laugh, because it's silly, just like it always has been, with or without a costume or a name that's not quite his own to go with it. Joel chuckles along with you, content and dozy from his orgasm, the evidence of it trickling out of you and making a mess of your floor as your stomach contracts with laughter.

The house cools down in the darkness - not much, but enough. Your hands find each other again too, and you each dance small patterns across each others skin until words come back to you.

You talk there on the floor, sweat drying on your skin, until the rumble of your stomach becomes too distracting to continue. You learn his favorite color, what he does for a living, his daughters name. You even learn the exact make and model of his truck, something you immediately forget.

And when he tries to excuse himself, too frightened of overstaying his welcome, you invite him to stay, and Joel Miller, the best Joel you've ever met, says yes.

next part

taglist: @jupiter-soups@wannab-urs@bean-is-reading@not-a-unique-snowflake-blog@youandmeand5bucks-blog@bbyanarchist@vickywallace@kamcrazy123@valkyreally@ashhlsstuff@a-literal-goblin@ariundercovers@iluvurfather@stevie75@toxicanonymity@thesevi0lentdelights@sp00kymulderr

[nochukoo97]

we can’t be friends (wait for your love) - teaser

pairing: childhoodfriend!jk x childhoodfriend!oc

summary: you and jungkook have been friends since birth, and as you both grow into teenagers, you can’t help but have some sorr of longing feeling towards him. but after a turn of events, you move away from your home town, growing apart from the boy you onced were close to. almost a decade later when you decide to move back, there’s someone familiar yet unfamiliar waiting for your arrival… was this the universe giving you a sign about him?

warnings/tags: story starts off when the both of them are children, but most of the plot is when they are adults :)), eventual: kissing, an emotional rollercoaster 🥲, they’re stuck in a ‘what are we’ moment, playing a waiting game of who confesses first, a little bit of angst, smut, but fluff too hehe

a/n: IM BACK 🥲 after being in writers block sighhh but i am back hehehe hope u r excited for this!! anyways this is just an intro for the actual fic, its more of what happened before the present which will be in the main part hehehe

TAGLIST OPEN!!

(this is the introduction, the main part is coming soon :)))

MASTERLIST

23 July 2007

You’re currently wedged between two bookshelves in the living room of your house, eyes trained on the words in your book, giggling to yourself when the plot takes a funny turn. Meanwhile in the background, Jungkook and your brother Taehyung, both a year older than you, the two ten year old boys play fighting in your parents backyard, their game was way too rough for you to even watch, you decided.

That’s always the way it’s been since you were young, Jungkook’s mum dropping him off at your parents place as he spent time with your brother, mostly roughhousing like they are now, and you, at nine years old, simply tucking yourself in another fairytale, which to you seemed like a much better way to past time.

You never truly spent a lot of time with the two of them when Jungkook would come over, besides the once-in-a-while moments where your parents would make you guys bond a little through board games or card games which the two elder boys would never take seriously, the games always ending in them either throwing the board game pieces at each other or stacking the cards into a pyramid.

When it came to school, you tried your best to stay away from bumping into your brother at school, but you’d always end up being teased in front of your friends by him and Jungkook, making fun of your two pigtails or your very glittery pink bag you had just gotten as a birthday gift, but you were used to it anyways, having grown up with a brother.

12 August 2011

Four years go by and now you’re finally completing your last year in middle school, Jungkook and your brother having moved on to high school, and as expected, they end up attending the same school, as they have done their whole life.

But since four years ago, a lot has changed. You’ve grown much closer to Jungkook, having gone on quite a few trips with his family, and you could even consider him a close friend. Most importantly, he’d grown from being a kid to a teenager, even though he was only a year older than you, the 14 year old boy suddenly became someone you always wanted to hang out with. To you, you saw him as someone cool. Instead of teasing you along with your brother, he now would defend you from your brother’s teasing, treat you to ice cream on the weekends and even teach you the video games he played with your brother.

“And then he let me get as many toppings as I wanted,” You tell your friends, clicking the buttons on your phone to show them the picture of your ice cream, filled to the brim with all sorts of toppings because Jungkook said you could.

“You’re so lucky, I wish I had a boyfriend like that,” Jiyeon sighs, pouting her lips as she sulks.

Your face turns red, tip of your ears warm as you quickly deny, “He isn’t my boyfriend! Just a friend… In fact he was my brother’s friend first,” No, you couldn’t even begin to try and imagine Jungkook as someone more than your friend!

“Well, but you should definitely confess to him on valentine’s day, it’s in like six months,” Yuji twirls her hair, nudging your leg slightly as she giggled.

To the three of you, as 13 year old girls, having a valentine was a big deal, especially since the whole idea of a crush and all was new to you guys as teenage girls.

“No! I don’t have feelings for him! He’s just nice to me I guess,” You frown at Yuji, just because she confessed to her crush and now apparently has a boyfriend, doesn’t mean you need to do it too, you decided.

You didn’t have a crush on Jungkook right?

You push away the thought quickly, this whole topic was so taboo to you, it made you feel squirmy thinking about it. No, you didn’t have any sort of feelings towards the older boy, never.

-

So that day when you arrived back at home, spotting Jungkook and Taehyung sitting at the table and doing their homework, you decide to take a seat away from the certain boy.

“Huh? Why are you sitting all the way there? Come back here,” Jungkook hums, pulling out his earphones in bewilderment, you had always sat next to him whilst the three of you would do homework together after school, nudging him here and there to ask for help with a math problem.

“I- okay,” You scooch towards the chair next to him, dragging your books along the table as you avoid eye contact. Your cheeks heating up again as you remember your conversation with your friends in school earlier, it made you feel all tingly inside, but why were you being so weird in front of him?

“You’ve been staring at that math problem for ages, need help?”

You jump up in surprise at Jungkook’s voice , letting out a small yelp as your brother snickers at you from across the table, you kick his shin in response, sending his hands flailing to the injury, mumbling some cuss word you don’t understand.

“Yeah,” You only muster out a whisper, handing over your pencil to the boy, who finds your behaviour a little off but nonetheless, doesn’t comment on it.

And while he explains the solution and working to find the value of X, you can only notice his eyes, his nose, the mole under his lips, the scar on his cheek from when he fought with your brother years ago, his lips.

And then you for yourself to snap out of your daydream when his eyes lock with yours in confusion as to why you’re staring at him instead of your workbook.

03 January 2012

But then five months later, opportunity for valentine’s day didn’t even come for you anyways, as you pack your bags to move miles away from the place you once called home, since your father had been posted to a new country for his work.

The whole idea of leaving your life behind and all the people you’ve ever known since young was such an overwhelming feeling that you didn’t even think once about your feelings for Jungkook anymore, or maybe you did once, but it didn’t matter.

So when you tugged your luggage and watch your brother sadly hug his best friend goodbye at the airport, reality struck, you wouldn’t ever get a chance to even properly assess your feelings for Jungkook anyways, so you simply wave him goodbye, not looking back so you don’t think further than a goodbye.

He did make sure to exchange his Instagram and Facebook with you, promising you and your brother to keep in touch, which you agreed to. Maybe there was a part of you that wanted to cling onto the idea of him, but you didn’t let yourself believe that anyways.

[luvyeni]

𝐀 𝐕𝐈𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 ! ㅤ ㅤ𓂃 ㅤ박성훈

CHAPTER NINETEEN. cabin fever ... 「 materialist 」

ㅤ୨ৎ no one in your friend group couldn't understand why you and sunghoon stopped being friends after freshman year of college; they all chalked it up as for reasons only you and he knew about , you and sunghoon couldnt get along, and when he threatened to tell your brother something your deepest darkest secret you called him a virgin who couldn't read to your 24k fans and the name spread throughout the campus…ㅤ

𓂃 🎞️. chapter warnings. a little angst , mostly fluff word count. 3048

pulling into the driveway of the cabin; turning off the car. “we're here.” both girls jumping out of the car. “my god yn you need your license revoked.” yeojin said , yoon nodding in agreement. “oh please we survived.”

“yeah we did, barely we barely fucking survived.” you scoffed climbing out of the car. “don't forget we have to drive back.” you said. “yeah unfortunately so let's have fun now just in case we don't make it back home.” you rolled your eyes, smiling because you were happy; happy to be here with your friends. “let's have fun , let's go into the house it's cold.”

“we're here!” you shouted , your suitcase dragging behind you. “where is everyone.” yeojin walked around the cabin. “kitchen.” you made your way to the kitchen , hearing all the voices. “yn!” jungwon jumped off the chair , hugging you. “won , we do go to the same school , i see you every day.” you chuckled, wrapping your arms around the boy. “and you still manage to not see me for days at a time.” he said. “just like when we were kids and lived in the same home.”

“hey yoon.” your brothers cheeks red as he talked to your friend; you shook your head , jake coming up next to you. “look what i got.” he ushered you to look down , a small bag filled with the green leafy substance. “don't tell sunoo , he told me yesterday not to bring it.” you nodded. “later?” he raised his eyebrows , you nodded. “later.”

“where is sunoo?” you looked around for the host. “him jay natty and julie went shopping at the market.” you nodded. “your room is upstairs.” ni-ki said. “it's 5 bedrooms , the couples get there own of course— so that's sunoo and jay , julie and natty and sunghoon and mina.” heeseung rolled his eyes , eyebrows raised. “hey yn let's pretend to be a couple so we can share a room together.”

“absolutely not , she'll sleep with yeojin and yoon and you'll sleep with us.” jungwon said. “take your bags upstairs.” you scoffed. “who's the elder here?” he was quick to fight back. “who's the smartest.” you scoffed. “i am.” he mocked you. “bullshit we both know i'm the smartest.”

“who's the brokest?” his lips formed a pout. “she won bro let it go.” jake laughed. “just go put your things up, they should be back soon.” the three of them making your way up the steps to the room. “oh my god , when did sunoos parents have all this money.” you were in awe with the room. “sunoo will forever pay for any outing from here on out.”

the three of you just dropping your luggage off , you sat down on the bed. “you coming back down?” you nodded. “yeah , just need a minute.” yeojin stopped , sitting down next to you. “you okay?” you smiled. “fine , just need a second.” the two girls respected that. “just come down when you're ready, okay?” they left you alone , you let out a sigh— he wasn't there; you can't believe that was the first thing on your mind , but old habits die hard you guess.

hearing how he and mina would be sharing a room made you sick , of course it's not like you could say anything without raising suspicions. you began to overthink everything — was this a good idea? coming here? you had only made up with him, but the feelings you always harbored for the boy never went away, and now you're here with him— and his girlfriend, the same girl who pretended to be your friend for years in front of everyone, but behind closed doors was a monster. you couldn't blame them for inviting her since you never even said anything.

you stood up; you weren't gonna let this ruin your trip, you tapped your cheeks , looking into the mirror. “you aren't in highschool anymore , pulling yourself together.” you said to yourself. “you're hot.” you opened the door , stepping out of the room — crashing straight into a body. “oh shit yn!” you heard his voice. “you okay?”

you stood up , brushing yourself off. “i-im fine.” you cringed , “i’m fine.” he nodded. “you're here?” he said , you nodded , finally realizing his state , which was naked , well he did have a towel covering his lower half. “oh shit , i just was showering.” he covered his body. “i was on my way to my room.” he pointed and you realized; his room was right next to yours. “it's great you're here,” he said — and you wish you could stop staring at him. “yn?” you looked up at him. “you sure you okay , you look like you've seen a ghost.”

you were about to say something; but you both were interrupted. “yn what's taking you so- oh?” natty stood there , eyes looking in between the two of you. “i accidentally bumped into her.” sunghoon said. “why are you naked?” natty turned to you , you shook your head no. “i was just coming down stairs.” you quickly confessed. “yoon told me you were up here and you seemed upset.” sunghoon turned to you. “upset? are you okay.”

“i’m fine i swear.” natty grabbed your hand. “your girlfriend is downstairs and she annoyed sunoo the entire trip to the market.” he sighed , nodding. “here i come.” she hummed. “yeah , make sure you're clothed , let's go yn.” she dragged you away. “he's good looks good.” she said. “i see why you like him.” your face was red. “don't let anyone know i said that.” you nodded , both of you making your way down the steps.

you greeted everyone who was at the market; mina standing on the other side of the island , shooting daggers into the side of your face, she wanted you to look at her; and thanks to your brother who you couldn't blame really— you were forced to look at her. “yn aren't you gonna say hi to mina?”

you gave the girl a tight lipped smile. “hello.” she walked over to you , wrapping her arms around you , your eyes widened. “it's been so long since we've had a vacation together , i can't wait to have so much fun with you.” she squeezed you tight , what most people would think is a cute old friend meet up after a while , almost half of you in that room knew otherwise. “yn help me out the groceries away , the rest of you go find something to do.” sunoo pulled you away from the girl. “the hell is wrong with her.”

you and sunoo prepare the food for jay to cook , gossiping while chopping the veggies for the soup. “hoonie , come!” you heard the shrill of minas voice , looking behind you at the couple, sunghoon made eye contact with you , just as the girl wrapped her arms around him. “don't mind her , she's just trying to get under your skin , look.” you turned back to them , sunghoon was grabbing her wrist , pushing it down , you couldn't help but smile.

after jay got finished cooking; all of you sat down to eat; the boys cleaned the kitchen up while the rest of you got everything ready for the game night. “soju , where is it?” julie pointed to the kitchen. “i'll get it.”

“i need the soju.” you walked into the kitchen. “can't you get it yourself?” heeseung asked , plastic gloves on his hands. “yeah , but i bet you'd look much cuter getting it for me.” you winked. “here.” sunghoon handed you the bottles of alcohol. “oh thank you.” he smiled , nodding. you took the bottles walking out of the kitchen. “i got them.”

while everyone was cleaning a few of you showered ; putting on your pajamas for the night , before making your way back down the steps. “those are your pajamas?” jungwon asked. “should i go put on the onesie i keep just in case my brother wants to be in my business?” you sat on the couch , the fire going warming the living room. “her pajamas are fine won , let your sister breathe.” jake said. “thank you love.” you sat down next to him.

“you two are cute , aren't they cute hoonie?” mina asked. “i always thought they'd be cute together even in highschool.” you and jake looked at each other , then at the girl. “yeah i guess.” sunghoon mumbled under his breath. “wait.” ni-ki said , the youngest one clearly not reading the room. “i thought jake and yn were rivals in highschool?”

after a interesting game night; having to endure minas side comments; it wasn't all that bad though, you had your friends making you laugh— not to mention catching sunghoon staring at you multiple times , smiling when you would register him, your face would turn red and you'd had to put your head down , blaming it on the alcohol. “okay , maybe we should stop , we all know how yn gets when she's drunk.”

you rolled your eyes at yoon , about to speak up when you heard mina speak up. “you're still a sloppy drunk yn , i thought you'd grow out of that in freshman year of university.” the room went silent for a second. “what's that supposed to mean?” sunoo asked. “oh nothing of course , that's just how me and yn play.” she looked at you. “right yn?” you nodded. “i guess.” you shrugged , feeling like that girl from highschool again. “im actually tired , I'm gonna head up.” you stood from your seat. “good night everybody.”

“has she lost her fucking mind , what gives her the right to say something like that.” sunoo said. “shh , she's next door.” natty said. “i don't care , i only invited her because of sunghoon and he doesn't even seem like he wants her here , no one wants you here!” sunoo yelled , yeojin covering his mouth , you a giggled quietly. “i swear yn all he did was look at you.” yoon said. “and how would you know if you were too busy staring at her brother.” sunoo said you gagged. “gross.”

“hey.” jay knocked on the doors. “i guess that's my que.” sunoo stood up. “mines too , julie is probably waiting for me.” you nodded. “we have to get in relationships , it's always us three.” yeojin groaned. “we're gonna be old cat ladies.” she said. “hot old cat ladies.” you said , she nodded. “you got a point.”

the night slowly came over the cabin; it was still, quiet, everyone probably sleep on laying down , settled in for the night— except the people next to door. “they’ve been arguing for 30 minutes.” yeojin groaned , eyes closed. “i can't hear what they're yelling about.” yoon snoring beside you. “i don't care , some people are trying to sleep.” she shouted , the arguing ceasing. “see.”

she quickly fell back to sleep , you got up out of bed after removing yoon from on top of you. getting out of bed. the floor cold , making you shiver as you head towards the door , opening it — only to find sunghoon in front of it , about to knock. “oh hi.” you said. “hey.” he whispered. “i see you're still a night owl.” you nodded. “that and yoon snoring.” he smiled. “im sorry you had to hear that.” he said. “she's sleep now so.” you waved him off. “yeojin was just sleepy don't mind her.”

“yeah and im still sleepy , so if you're gonna talk get out.” your face turned red , you stepped out of the room. “she's like you.” you scoffed. “im offended.” you said. “she's tens times crazier.” he laughed. “crazy nonetheless.” you both stood in the hallway , before you spoke up. “you want some hot cocoa?”

you both made your way to the kitchen , where he watched you prepare the drinks , your back turned to him , allowing him to look at you a little longer. “here.” you handed him a cup. “let's go sit.”

taking a seat on the couch , taking a sip of cocoa. “so tell me , why were you two fighting?” he frowned. “i told her the comment she made about you.” he said. “told her it wasn't cool , that you were friends and she was wrong.” you tapping the rim of the mug. “you two are friends right?” he asked. “i haven't talked to since…” you trailed off. “oh.” he said. “it's fine , some people just- things change.”

“that day you called.” he started. “you don't have to- no i want to tell you.” he said. “that day you called , i didn't know you were on the phone.” he said , “and i didn't mean it like that.” you sat your cup down. “how did you mean it then?” you were ready to have the awkward conversation if it meant putting it in the past and moving forward. “you said it meant nothing to you.”

“i know , but it was a lie.” he confessed. “i was upset.” he said. “why , did i do something wrong?” you asked. “you don't remember?” he said. “believe me hoon , i think i would've remembered.” you said. “well mina , she told me , she told me you slept with me out of pity , she told me how you said you felt bad because you'd never feel the way i felt about you , and i still followed you around like a puppy , i only slept with her because i was drunk , she took me back to my frat , she came on to me and i guess i just let it happen.” his eyes were in his lap , your lips were flat. “i never said that.” you said , he looked up at you. “what?”

“i never said that , why would i sleep with you out of pity?” you asked. “but mina- she lied , hoon.” you said. “i only told her we slept together cause she kept pressing the issue.” you said. “so you didn't feel bad for me?” he asked. “why would i feel bad hoon , we both lost our virginities that night , and i never thought you followed behind me like a puppy , if anything i followed you around , against my brothers wishes.”

she was behind this the entire time , she was the reason you and him basically were at each other's throats. “why would she do that? you two were friends , why would she lie like that?” you stood up. “where are you going?” he asked still sitting. “to murder her in her sleep.” he quickly grabbed your arm. “no.” he said , “no? she ruined everything.” you exclaimed , throwing your hand up.

he listened to you get louder and louder , the house surely were to wake if you got louder and louder about how you were gonna kill her. “yn , calm down.” he said , but you weren't listening. “yn please.” you still were going off , he wasn't gonna lie he missed this part of you , when you would ramble on and on about nonsense— back then it made him want to kiss you to shut up.

“i swear to god as soon as the sun comes up , im gonna-” it happened so fast , you couldn't even catch yourself, because he was the one pulling you down , his lips on yours before you could even say anything , your eyes were wide as he held the back of your neck , your body in his arms as his lips danced with his…

you pulled away , gasping for air. “please don't slap me.” you didn't know what to do , so you laughed , which made him laugh. “you've traumatized me.” he said. “oh god what did we do?” you said. “we kissed.” he said. “yeah and you have a girlfriend, as much i want to punch the bitch , im not a homewrecker.”

“we aren't together.” he said. “huh?” you finally sat up. “your brother was the one to set that up , i said i’d go on one date , the date which you came to.” he said. “i was so mad.” you confessed. “i could tell.” he said. “like you wanted to take her head off.”

“that's still on the table.” you said. “no need.” he said. “i’ll tell her tomorrow , tell her that we were never a couple.” he said. “why?” you asked , he tilted his head. “what?’ he smiled , shaking his head. “god how did you live an entire year without me.” he grabbed the back of your neck again , pulling you into another passionate kiss , holding your chin. “what does this mean?” you asked when he pulled away.

“are you joking?” he asked , you laughed. “maybe you should kiss me again and find out.” he smirked , biting his lower lip. “still a tease.” he kissed your lips. “your lips taste like chocolate.” he laughed. “of course you'd say something like that right when im kissing you.” he wrapped his arms around you. “i have to get back to bed , in case the girls wake up , and if someone finds us like this , it won't be good.”

“well if my brother or mina find us it won't be good , sunoo probably planned this.” you said. “let's just lay here a little longer.” he placed his chin on your head. “it's been a while since i've held you in my arms , i want to savor this moment.” he sighed , finally getting what he wanted after a long time , he finally got his one and only true love back again.

you both held hands as you made it back upstairs. “i don't want you sleeping in there with her.” you said , pouting. “i'm not.” he flicked your lips. “where are you sleeping?” you asked. “well since your bed is already full , i'm gonna go sleep on the couch.” he said. “now get to bed , sunoo is forcing us out in the cold tomorrow.” he said , you reached up to kiss his lips. “good night hoonie.” he hummed , waiting for you to shut the door , before he made his way back down stairs.

you climbed into the bed , getting back under the warm covers , yoons arms around your waist as she slept , you smiled , reminding yourself to tease her in the morning. “get out of this bed once again to go play cuddle time with him and i’ll kill you myself.” she said sleepily. “I'll tell you what happened in the morning.” you whispered. “you better , good night.”

you fell asleep that night with a smile on your face , your head full of sunghoon.

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authors notes. a cute little moment before i once again fuck it up 🥰 …

©LUVYENI translations to other sites prohibited, reblogs are appreciated but not forced !

[theveryworstthing]

life has been lifein’ haven’t been posting for a while but hopefully i’ll have stuff to post soon. 

without getting into the full rollercoaster of misery, health problems abound in my loved ones and every year for the last 3 years we’ve lost at least one family member. my gramma Rosezina died on July 1st after 83 years of being A Problem. her funeral was on the 8th during a day so hot that we couldn’t be at the graveside for more than a few minutes, fitting weather for a woman nicknamed Hot for her good looks and spicy temper. i loved her very much, i love her very much, and the emotional strain of everything that came after the Big Stroke fucked me up a little bit.

here’s one of my favorite stories about her, stop me if you’ve heard this one:

my gramma was schizophrenic, a fact i didn’t figure out until i was told by a family member at some time during my preteen or early teen years because the way schizophrenia was depicted on tv or movies was so different from what she was. she was an amazing quilter, gardener, cook, baker (i’ll never have a caramel cake that rivals hers), and general gold star deep country grandmother who was always sweet to me, her first born granddaughter, even when she stopped remembering who i was exactly in her later years. 

also, she never liked being told what to do.

also, also, she hung out with the devil for a while.

she said he’d just show up sometimes, the most beautiful, angelic, enchanting man you ever did see. he’d come to her when she was feeling overwhelmed, upset, or lonely, and offered words of comfort and a gentle listening ear. she had a hard life, and that comfort was very valuable to her even if it was coming from the devil, so over time he became her friend and she trusted him right up until the day he told her to kill her kids and free herself from all the problems constantly weighing her down. 

need i remind you, she did. not. like. being told what to do. (especially when the thing she’s being told to do is murdering her own children)

so of course, she told all her kids to walk up the road to my great gramma’s house, and when they were gone Hot dragged the couch the devil was sitting on outside into the front yard and set it on fire with him sitting on it. 

from what i was told he seemed very irritated but didn’t get up as she stared him down and watched him burn. 

afterwards some other family members put the fire out and she returned to her chores like nothing happened. as far as i know the devil never talked to her again.

and that’s why i grew up knowing that the, ‘the devil made me do it’ defense is some bullshit. if the devil is real he can’t make you do shit. he flounces off if told no (and set on fire) once. 

weak bitch. 

[springgirlshowers]

I got possessed by freaky bob 😈

Joost coming after a concert all sweaty but reader is freaky and finds it attractive, and ends up leading to things heating up

Aftershow

Pairing: Joost Klein x Fem!Reader

CW: fingering, oral (m receiving), p in v, teasing, overstimulation, joost being cocky as hell, very tiny bit of subby joost in some parts

WC: 3029

A/N: 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂𝓫𝓸𝓫 is calling… 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂𝓫𝓸𝓫 has entered the chat…. i’m sorry i had to, also so sorry this has been in my drafts for months 😭

You couldn’t stand the heat. It was July and Joost had festivals all month.

You couldn’t imagine how he could handle being outside for so long, jumping and running all around the stage, performing for a whole hour. Then sometimes even coming back out a few hours later for another set.

You weren’t surprised when he finally decided to take off his shirt, nor were you surprised by the screams from the audience when he did.

You found it amusing hearing the crowd cheer and fangirls scream bloody murder, you knew if you were in the crowd, you’d be freaking out over it too.

After standing way too long in the heat for you, you decided to go back to his green room. Somewhere with AC and actual cold water.

You felt a bit guilty for walking away from your boyfriend’s performance. But he didn’t mind, he knew you hated the heat and he knew you’d already seen over fifty of his full sets, maybe even a hundred. He didn’t mind if you weren’t there for a couple.

It was about an hour later once Joost got off stage, you didn’t expect to him to get back immediately, knowing he’d be getting stopped by all his friends to hype him up and he’d be engaging in conversations.

Though you knew he was near once you heard muffled compliments and thanks from behind the door.

Joost opened and walked in the door with a rag and cold water bottle in his hand.

You swiftly moved over to him and gave him a hug, not caring about the sheen of sweat his body was covered in.

“Sorry, I went in here early because it was way too hot outside.” You placed your chin on his chest, looking up at him.

“That’s fine, liefje. You’ve seen enough of my shows.” He left out a soft laugh, putting down his water and throwing the rag on the same table before bringing you over to the sofa with him.

He sat down first and you straddled his hip. Resting your arms around his shoulders.

His thumbs rubbed against your torso as he had a sweet grip on your waist.

His hair was messy, his lips were parted with a slight smile on them as he looked at you, he was still shirtless, and his skin shiny from sweat made him seem ten times sexier.

God, he looked so gorgeous.

It didn’t take you long before you pounced on him.

Kissing him all along his jaw, soon your lips moving down his neck. He took in a sharp breath as you ran your tongue along his sweet spot.

“Where’d all this come from?” He let out a puzzled laugh as you moved your mouth to his neck and combed your fingers through his hair.

“I don’t know,” You said in between kisses, “You just look really hot.” He chuckled, hearing the random desire in your voice.

His hands trailed up and underneath your tank top, pushing it up slightly, you pulled away from his neck to pull it fully off your body. Leaving you only in your bra and shorts.

He brought his hands up to your covered breasts, dragging his hands down and then bringing one up to your mouth, resting a finger on your bottom lip.

“So needy. What should I do with you?” He teased as he ran a tattooed finger all the way down the middle of your chest, stopping right above the waistband of your shorts.

“Joost, don’t tease me right now. I can’t handle it.” You let out a breathy laugh, just a tiny bit annoyed. The heat in your core getting hotter.

“I can’t help it, you look so cute when you’re frustrated.” He brought his hand back up, holding the side of your face. “What do you want, hm?” He tilted his head, giving you a cocky smile.

“You.” You mumbled putting a hand to your mouth, biting your fingernail as a shyness took over you.

“Don’t get shy on me now. What about me?” He spoke softly, putting on a fake face of concern just to mess with you.

“I want your fingers, I want your cock. Please, just touch me, for the love of god just do something.” You whined, beginning to rub your core against his thigh. Desperate for some type of friction. Anything.

He held your hips still, stopping from moving as you let out another frustrated whine again. He shushed you.

“Don’t get upset. I know what you want, turn around liefje.” His voice was supposed to be sounding demanding, but the sweetness in his tone overpowered it. You did as he said, turning and going to get up but then he grabbed you by the waist, before pulling your back to his chest and you sitting between his legs, he unclipped your bra and threw it somewhere on the floor.

He held your legs back under his to prevent you from trying to close them the minute his hands made contact with your heat, a squeamish habit you had.

He slowly moved his hands around your breasts, kneading them, pinching your nipples between two fingers and smiling to himself as he watched you squirm, pushing your back into him and silently mumbling out a plea.

He finally, finally, moved one hand down, pulling your lacy underwear to the side and running two fingers up and down between your folds.

“Oh, is this because I got you so worked up schatje?” He cooed as he felt your wetness on his fingers. You nodded against his chest.

With all the pleasure making your brain go fuzzy, you thought about how the position you were sitting in, back against his chest and in between his legs with his one hand wrapped around your stomach, it would make a really comfortable cuddling position.

You giggled silently at the thought of it, Joost grinned and craned his neck to look at your smiling face.

“What? What’s so funny?” He laughed back, beginning to tease your hole. You giggled some more and shook your head, making a mental note to tell him about it later.

“You’re not gonna tell me what’s got you all giggly?” He faux pouted though you could barely get a look at his face, dipping the tip of his finger inside you.

You were just about to tell him, deciding you wouldn’t care if it ruined the moment because he was most likely going to continue to tease you about it. As you opened your mouth to speak, he had slid one finger inside of you, a sharp gasp came out instead of words.

Quick and short repeated whines and squeals left your throat. You slid a hand over your mouth, trying to deafen your moans, Joost quickly brought up his tattooed hand that was wrapped around your breast to pull your hand away.

“No ones gonna hear us, you can be as loud as you want. I wanna hear those pretty sounds you always make.” He encouraged you, nuzzling his nose into the side of your head.

You listened to him, yet still bit down on your lip, embarrassed at all the pathetic sounding noises you were making.

His fingers began to pick up speed, placing a thumb on your clit. That heated coil in your stomach began to grow tighter and tighter.

His hand was probably going to cramp soon but he was way too focused on you and the state of bliss you were in. He placed sweet kisses among your neck and head as his fingers continued to quickly plunge inside you.

You craned your head back to get a look at his face, he was giving you such a sweet saccharine smile as his dick got harder and harder, pressing against your back.

“Gonna cum?” He pressed a quick peck to your lips. You were too close to finishing that you could barely speak, so you just nodded wildly.

Your eyes began to roll back and you shut them. Biting down on your lip so hard you swore you might draw blood, and the coil inside you finally snapped. You let out a harsh breath as your orgasm crashed over you. Joost kept up the pace of his fingers.

The overstimulation began to kick, your locked legs pressed against his and you grasped your hand around his wrist tightly, shaking your head as your face scrunched up and repeated gasps left your body.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re doing so good, so good for me.” He kissed your temple as he continued slowly pushing his fingers into your wetness, working you through the sensitive sensation of the aftermath of your orgasm.

“So good…” You repeated his words, breathlessly and barely audible.

Your head lolled against his shoulder, he then removed his fingers from you, satisfied.

“You okay?” That cockiness was gone from his voice, replaced with care and sweetness, he wiped his fingers against your thigh.

“Just need a second.” You said, taking heavy breaths as you looked at the ceiling through droopy eyelids while he freed your legs from his.

After a moment, you soon sunk off the couch and onto your knees in front of him. He gave you a puzzled look.

“My turn.” You said, a michevious look in your eyes. This was your time to recover from the mind blowing orgasm you just had and now you get to get Joost worked up.

He gave you a toothy smile and went to reach for his belt, you pushed his hands away.

“Mm-mm, let me do the honors.” You joked as you unclipped his belt and unbuttoned his jeans.

He lifted his hips slightly as you pulled down his jeans and boxers at the same time. His hard cock sprang out and you smiled up at him.

You rubbed your thumb against his tip, collecting the precum that had leaked out. You laid your head against his thigh as you gave him slow strokes.

“Please liefje, please, I need your mouth.” He breathed out.

“You do?” You asked, bringing your head up and tilting it. He nodded slowly, letting out a small plea.

“Aww, who’s the needy one now?” You cooed at him, he just shook his head and rubbed a hand down his face, muttering something you couldn’t understand.

You decided to be nice and stop your teasing there, taking the tip of his dick in your mouth and slowly moving down.

You kept a steady pace as you bobbed your head up and down, taking in as much as you could.

He placed a hand over your head, not pressing down but just keeping it there, needing something to do with his hands.

He let out shaky breaths through his parted lips, his head tilting back and fingers gripping your hair comfortably as you worked.

He made a few small whimpers as his breath began to speed up, he sat up a bit as his hand gripped your hair and carefully pulled your mouth off him.

Even though you were looking up at him with messy hair, glossy eyes due to your previous orgasm, and pouty lips. You still looked like a dream to him.

“Zo mooi.” His voice was so close to a whisper as he rubbed a thumb over your swollen lips. “Now come up here.”

You happily did what he asked, knowing what he was asking as you straddled his lap as you hovered your hips over his, positioning yourself and sinking yourself onto his cock.

Your eyebrows knit and eyes shut as you lowered yourself slowly, getting used to his size inside you.

Once he was bottomed out inside you, he waited and let you choose to start moving when you were ready. You took a few seconds before you began a slow pace moving up and down.

You bit your lip, eyes still shut as you sped up slightly, he began to help by thrusting up inside you, making a perfect rhythm between you both.

Joost sat up and leaned into you, his turn leave sloppy kisses all over your neck as his hands massaged the plush of your tits.

You ran your fingers through his damp blonde locks, grasping onto his hair as you whined, you were getting close already.

“I thought you looked really- fuck- really good on stage. You sounded really good.” You said breathlessly, you could feel Joosts smile against your skin.

“Ja? You look good too. You always do.” Joost groaned out after a hard thrust. “Mijn lieve meisje.”

His compliment only added to your pleasure. It made your orgasm creep up on you faster and faster.

Cumming again already felt a bit embarrassing, but God, he just felt too good. You were already sensitive from your previous orgasm. He knew all your sweet spots, and how to hit them so perfectly.

“I think- I think I’m gonna cum.” You whimpered out silently.

“Go ahead, don’t let me stop you.” He said breathlessly. Oh he was doing the complete opposite from stopping you.

He kissed all over the side of your neck as you hid your face in the crook of his neck while your body tensed as you reached your high.

He slowed his thrusts once he felt your body slump onto his and your breaths become more relaxed.

He soothingly rubbed his hand up and down your back, softly whispering sweet words and compliments into your ear.

His thrusts were still continuing but slow and soft. He waited for you to bring your head up when you were ready.

When you did, you looked at him through droopy eyelids and a lazy smile on your face, a breathy giggle leaving you as he looked at you with such sweetness.

He gave you barely a few seconds before he held onto your hips and started thrusting again, watching your mouth turn from a smile into an ‘o’ shape and your eyes squeeze close.

His hands moved your hips and up and down as he thrusted his cock inside you.

Joost bit down on his bottom lip in focus and pleasure, head slightly tilted back as he looked at you.

He moved one hand into your hair, scratching at your scalp lovingly.

“Joost….I can’t, I can’t again..” You whined, opening your eyes a small amount.

“You can, I know you can.” He cooed at you as he moved his hand that was in your hair to cup your face, “Please? Just one more for me.” The neediness peeking out clearly in his tone.

“I’ll help you out, ja?” He said, moving his other hand from your waist to your clit, rubbing circles.

You took in a sharp gasp, nodding your head as your nails digging into his shoulders.

You used all your remaining strength to roll your hips against him as his thrusts became faster, harder, wanting so badly to get you to reach your third high of the night.

Your breath hitched as you did, loud squeals and cries leaving your mouth, one final cry coming out of you along with your release.

Joost never ceased his pace, still slamming up into you. He kept one arm wrapped around your hips, the other hand had gone to squeeze around your breast.

You could tell he was close to cumming once his grip on you became tighter, sure to leave marks the next day. His eyebrows creased and his mouth parted slightly, eyes shut and head leaning against the couch, small whimpers and pleads leaving him.

“Don’t- fuck- don’t stop. You feel so good, please don’t stop.” He moaned out, eyes scrunching.

“I’m not, I’m not.” You said breathlessly, using the very little energy you had left to keep moving up and down on his cock.

He bit his lip, his hands leaving your hips and arms wrapping around your waist instead, pulling your chest to his, and hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

He attempted to muffle his moans against your skin but it did nothing, you could still hear him clear as day.

He tried kissing your neck to cover them up, that didn’t work either, he was too deep in bliss to keep himself from making noise.

With one hand holding your waist, the other gripping tightly at the base of your hair, his hips began to stutter and his thrusts became sloppy.

“Liefje, liefje, liefje.” He cried and whispered into your skin, moving both arms around you and pulling you down harshly, “Fuck, liefje, fuck I’m so-“ His sentence cut off by a raspy groan.

He let out throaty growls as he spilt inside you. Stopping after one final pull down, burying his cock inside you. He stayed there for a second, the both of your sweaty skin sticking together.

He eventually pulled away, fully lying against the back of the couch, you winced at the slight movement, still sensitive and overstimulated.

He was flustered from the whimpers you heard him make, he decided to distract and tease you once again.

“You hold your breath when you cum, did you know that?” He said out loud, you let out a puzzled laugh.

“Don’t embarrass me.” You tried to hide your face in his neck, he gently grabbed your face with his hand.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed, it’s cute.” He tilted his head with a grin spread across his face.

You mumbled a ‘shut up’ and turned your face to hide your smiling yet embarrassed expression. He took the chance of your exposed neck to attack it, sloppily kissing on it.

You squealed and tried to back away, every single part of you was so sensitive right now. Joost kept a tight hold on you as you squirmed.

“Joost!” You laughed, trying to push his head away again.

“Sorry, sorry. It was staring at me.”

“You’re evil.” You shook your head playfully.

“You’re beautiful.” He tilted his head and smiled lovingly at you. You shook your head and looked away. Only he could be this sweet and kind after fucking your brains out.

“You wanna get back to the hotel? I think we both need a shower now.”

[delulujuls]

his eyes | mv33

hi! you asked about part two for the mad dutchman and the fearless dutchess so i delivered (its still hot, fresh from the oven). i'm not sure if i like it but don't worry, for sure i will write something about the mad dutch duo in the future. but now enjoy this one!

summary: eyes can say a lot so where it comes to reveal feelings there is no place to hide

warnings: none, mentions of car accident

pairing: fem!redbulldriver x max verstappen

Max's eyes were beautiful.

They were always beautiful when they had small wrinkles around them caused by smiling. Always then, they were the color of a cloudless sky on a warm july morning. They were beautiful even when there was a storm raging inside. They were dark and agitated then, but still beautiful. But they were beautiful in a terrifying way, because at that moment there was no trace of a smile on Max's face, and the only warmth was the rage burning in his veins.

Y/N could have sworn she had never met another pair of eyes like Max's, so whenever she could, she allowed herself to drown in them. Even during arguments, when they were shouting and calling each other names, his eyes were beautiful. However, they lost all their beauty when they were struck by fear.

When Max was scared, his eyes faded. The july sky was covered with clouds and the turbulent sea was shrouded in fog. Y/N stopped noticing the fear in Max's eyes when he managed to break free from his toxic father and their karting years ended, replaced by Formula 1.

However, on that day when she woke up in the ambulance, the first thing she encountered was the cloudy sky in his eyes. Max wasn't scared; he was terrified to the core. When, after a few seconds, his brain acknowledged that his friend was alive, he sighed with relief. The sky began to clear.

"I never thought I'd be so happy to see those deceitful eyes of yours."

Verstappen smiled, squeezing his friend's hand.

"What happened?"

She asked with difficulty. Her throat hurt terribly; the hot smoke and fumes had taken their toll.

"You had an accident and lost consciousness. We'll be at the hospital soon."

"Accident is an understatement," a paramedic interjected, removing her drip from the hanger "You did a Grosjean from Bahrain 2020."

Y/N blinked several times and it took her a moment to connect the dots. Judging by the man's comparison, her accident must have been truly unpleasant.

"How's the car?"

"Just needs a wipe."

She rolled her eyes at her friend's words, and a moment later, she coughed. Quickly, she put her oxygen mask back on.

"Don't worry about the car," Max said, still holding her hand. "The most important thing is that you're back with us."

"At what cost? At least, being unconscious spared me from looking at you."

She replied sarcastically, pulling the mask slightly away from her face. Max chuckled quietly at her words, relieved that she still had the strength to joke after everything. She returned his smile. She still didn't fully grasp what had happened or what she had been involved in, but the feeling inside her body told her it must have looked bad. The last time she saw fear in Max's eyes was years ago.

But something had changed after that. Since her accident, she noticed that Max's eyes looked at her differently. In a way she had never seen before, a way she couldn't compare to anything else. They looked at her with unimaginable gentleness and tenderness. They looked at her with love.

"You're damn stubborn, you know that?"

Max said when barely two weeks after the accident Y/N, using crutches, appeared in his garage. He didn't say it maliciously; he was just genuinely worried. He put down his water bottle and approached his friend, gently hugging her and pulling up a chair for her.

"I'm glad to see you too."

She replied, leaning her crutches against the chair and sitting on the workbench.

Max sighed and shook his head. Since the accident, Y/N had been a constant source of concern for him.

"What?" she asked, glancing at him, "I'm not getting into the car, don't worry."

"You should be resting."

"I am resting, see?" Y/N pointed to her makeshift seat, "More comfortable than a bed."

Max was about to reply, but he was called to take his place in the car. Friends exchanged glances one last time and as he left the garage, Y/N hopped off the bench and approached Christian's workstation, taking a seat next to him. He smiled at her and handed her headphones.

"Good to see you, Y/N."

"Some would prefer me not to be here."

She replied, glancing at the monitor. Christian smiled at the thought of Max, who was very concerned about his friend.

"He was really worried about you, like we all were."

"I guess I'm just not used to Verstappen seeing more than the tip of his own nose."

The man laughed at her words. She was absolutely right; Max's reputation could be unpredictable. However, lately, his behavior had changed noticeably, evident to everyone in the paddock.

When the training session ended, friends returned to the hotel. Max kept pace with Y/N, ready to catch her if she stumbled. Moving on crutches wasn't problematic for her, though.

"Don't look at me like I'm an eighty-year-old grandma."

She said, seeing his gaze as they reached her room and she plopped onto the bed with a heavy sigh.

"I'm not looking at you like that. We both know that you are slower than this only in a car."

Y/N grabbed a pillow and threw it at him and he laughed, effortlessly catching it. They looked at each other for a moment in silence, but Y/N lowered her gaze when she noticed his eyes doing it again. Looking at her in that way.

"Christian said you were worried" the girl said, after a moment gathering enough courage to look at him again, "Really?"

"I thought I was pulling a corpse out of that wreck. Of course I was worried."

She lowered her gaze again, focusing on her hands. Max squeezed the pillow in his hands and sat next to her.

"Thank you."

She said softly. Even though she had thanked him earlier, she knew that no amount of gratitude would match the level of his deed. She turned her head towards him and their gazes met again. He smiled.

"I knew you'd do the same. You've always got my back, no matter how angry you are with me."

Y/N snorted and nodded. Max was absolutely right. Although some time had passed since the accident, they hadn't had a chance to talk about it. Not about the accident itself, but about what changed between them. Because something definitely had changed.

"Can I ask you something?"

She spoke up, glancing at him. He nodded.

"Did what happened change anything between us?"

"What do you mean?"

Max tensed a bit. Although he didn't move an inch, after so many years spent together, you could pick up every detail.

"You're behaving differently toward me."

She explained. He looked at her attentively.

"You're more affectionate. I've never felt something like that from you before."

Max lowered his head and interlaced his fingers. He wasn't sure how to put into words what had been swirling in his head for some time and growing stronger with each passing day. So, he decided to go for honesty.

"When I was pulling you out of the car, I had no idea if you were alive. Riding in the ambulance, I wondered if I would ever be able to talk to you again and apologize for that senseless argument."

He took a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands.

"When you woke up and looked at me, I thought I'd cry with happiness. That's when I realized how much you mean to me and how important you are."

Y/N stayed silent, trying to absorb all the words he had spoken. She could feel the emotions quickening her pulse, so she decided to lighten the mood a bit and probe whether they were on the same page.

"If you had kissed me, I probably would have woken up faster."

Max felt as if someone had poured a bucket of cold water on him. He blinked several times and looked at his friend. She just smiled slightly.

"Kissed?"

She nodded.

For a moment, Max struggled to open his mouth to say something, but to no avail. He was in too much shock.

"Are you setting me up now?"

"I'm not setting you up, Max."

"Yes, like if I had kissed you back then, you would have woken up faster. But only to punch me in the face."

She laughed and fell back on the pillows, pretending to be dead.

"You have to check it yourself."

Max wondered for a moment if she was joking, but he didn't have time for further contemplation. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him toward her. He leaned on his elbow next to her head and looked at her face. Her gaze and a faint smile indicated that it wasn't just a silly joke.

Without hesitation, Max lightly touched her cheek and kissed her. She smiled and hugged him around the neck, returning the kiss.

When they separated for a moment to catch their breath, the eyes of the two met again and Y/N once again allowed herself to drown in the boundless blue of his eyes. The turbulent sea was calm and the july, sunny sky was cloudless. Everything was fine.

Everything was just how it supposed to be.

[solecize]

  ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ  𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. every summer on your grandpa's farm was real-life magic to your younger self, who left a piece of her heart in amber valley when the years went on and the town became nothing but a faint childhood memory. soon enough, you become rocked by his death and realize the dead end in your bustling city world. this leads to you making an abrupt decision.

despite knowing nothing but designer purses and the corporate ladder, you uproot your entire life to take over your grandfather's old farm in the town you were desperately trying to remember - alongside a familiar face from your youth that permanently finds his way into your heart. 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. jungkook x reader 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. swearing 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓. 5k 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.  inspired heavily by stardew valley, friends to lovers, childhood friends, small town alternate universe, slice of life, grief, growing up.

part one: the storm, the envelope and the granddaughter ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ next. masterlist

i. the storm

  for the first time in a long time, your eyes flutter open to the golden curtains of the sun and not the blaring noise of a royalty-free iphone alarm. the rays are harsh and welcoming all at once, as you blink away the stinging sensation and adjust to the muddy path ahead. there was no mistake about it, the town withstood an unforgiving storm last night. however, mud coating the wheels of your bus seemed to be the only indication, as you became distracted with the kiss of summer from the skies above and the clear cerulean painted across cotton candy clouds. 

  memories of amber valley became bygone over the years, as memories always do. but, amber valley seemed to be a long lost chase you haven’t won in years and the older you became, the town disappeared entirely. it was like the smell of your favourite scented markers and the feeling rumbling at the pit of your stomach on the first day of school - nothing but faint ideas from your childhood. 

  “we’re not going to visit grandpa this summer?”

  at age twelve, you couldn’t fathom missing out on the midsummer festival or being away from your horse, marshmallow. for that age, absolutely everything felt like the end of the world, whether it was missing an episode of your favourite show or not getting an invite to a classmate’s sleepover. it was a little different for you, though, as you looked at your dad’s dull eyes. they’d been dull since the divorce went through that february. they never shone since and that’s how you knew things weren’t going to be the same.

  he shook his head at you, but never met your eyes. “no, i’m sorry. he’s coming up for to the city at the end of july, though - “ it would be later in life, precisely at age 25 and months removed from your grandfather’s funeral, when you would learn that he only began coming up to the city to regularly see a hepatologist, “ - so you can see him on your birthday.”

  you did, in fact, see grandpa for your birthday and for the rest of the years to come. he laughed with his whole body and his smile never failed to reach his eyes when he gave you updates on the farm and amber valley. grandpa did his best, but time passing came with you losing your bright eyes whenever he spoke fondly of his town. it was inevitable, when the big city enveloped your teenage self and you became more concerned with interests that come with the turn of youth - clothes, parties and boys.

  now, there was absolutely nothing wrong with any of those ideas. you stood by this at heart, embracing femininity and defending it alongside your love for science and life. you grew up and began wearing high heels to dates, to university lectures and finally, to your 9-5 on the busiest corner of your city’s financial district. you had long outgrown your riding boots, likely tucked away at the back of your closet in your studio apartment. you began just politely smiling and nodding when your grandfather shared local amber valley gossip about individuals who were just names to you now, also tucked away at the back of your mind.

  even though you eventually grew past the age where you needed your parents’ permission to make the trek over to amber valley, past the period of time where your mother refused to speak to your father to coordinate your trip to see your grandfather, the idea of returning to the valley never crossed your mind. like summer camp, it was something you thought you didn’t need anymore and preferred spending your school-less months with your friends in your hometown, working away at your first part-time job and getting your first ever drivers’ license. a seventeen year old city girl wouldn’t want to waste her summer at her grandfather’s old farm.

  “mrs. oh’s husband just left the valley for his deployment overseas. may god watch over that family.” it was one of the last times you saw grandpa, late on christmas eve when everyone else went to bed. your mom, her new husband and your little sister had bade their goodnight’s by 10pm and left the two of you sipping honey lemon tea by the fireplace. 

  your mom’s new husband made a lot of money. that was one of the first things you noticed about him and it was so different from the two bedroom inner city apartment you were raised in. it was certainly different from your grandpa’s farmhouse, where the television only got three channels and all of the windows never fully opened because they would fall apart entirely if you pulled too far. you and your grandpa mused these thoughts on their white leather couch, when the conversation slowly moved back to how the old farm was going.

  you tried to sound interested. “oh really?” the reality was you couldn’t remember if the oh family was the one that ran the general store or the one couple who seemed to be constantly fighting, on the verge of divorce.

  grandpa grunted in response. “mhm. thankfully, they have jungkook helping out around the store. ah, the wasted potential with that boy, but such a kind heart.”

  “jungkook..?”

  “oh, you remember him! the two of you would always bike by the beach,” he said. “i’ll never forget, you two would always come back and show me the seashells you collected that day. always made a competition out of everything.”

  he chuckled and you joined in, hiding the despondence for being unable to recall. grandpa didn’t seem to notice, though, continuing to discuss amber valley. cranberries and pumpkins were the strongest crops of the fall, mayor kim was re-elected for a third time and something about the town soon getting their first chain convenience store since amber valley’s founding. then, grandpa’s face lost his smile and a serious expression formed on his ageing features. he asked you about your job and how life was for you.

  by now, you’re 22 and working an entry-level position with nothing but a bachelor’s in your pocket and a hunger to climb the corporate ranks. like any fresh college graduate, there was no meaning to life if it weren’t for paying overpriced rent, mimosa sundays, dating apps, and maybe remembering to go to the gym every now and then. the life you lived was loud from city traffic and heavy from looming student debt. 

  “my job is..okay. i’m just starting out and i’m really just trying to do my best,” you replied.

  grandpa, still with a serious look, placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. “it gets stressful, doesn’t it?”

  you opened your mouth to respond again, but failed to find your voice this time. your stress was found in a growing caffeine addiction and getting too tired to give your parents a call on the weekends. adulthood was everything you expected and nothing you expected. you secured a job that you dedicated four years of studies to and just like that, was pushed into a world of hustle and bustle and nothing in between. once this realization settled, you tried to hide it by cracking a faint smile. grandpa saw through it, though - he always did. 

  “well, darling, if it ever does get too stressful..” you became confused when grandpa reached into his back pocket and pulled out a sealed envelope. he handed it to you and you turned it over, finding no writing other than your name in your grandfather’s decorative penmanship.

  you asked, “what is this, grandpa?”

  he finally smiled again, but shook his head. “a gift. it’s yours for when you find that you need a break from the challenges of life.”

  grandpa only gave gifts from the heart. only, this time, you wouldn’t know that he was giving you his entire heart and soul. you had taken this envelope and slid it in the drawer of your desk at home, where you tirelessly worked after hours, even after returning from the office. it was hidden away, but always poked your curiosity at the back of your mind. however, you restrained from opening it, even when it eventually became one of the last things you had from grandpa. 

  ii. the envelope

the only time you took the pristine envelope out of your desk was on the day of his funeral. 

  it was no surprise that grandpa wanted to be buried in amber valley, his home for over fifty years and his birthplace. it was once your heart’s home, too, once upon a time when you were a child skipping rocks by the town river and rode your horse through mustard-hued sunflower fields. for that, you were nervous to return and confront the realities of your coming of age in the face of a town that only lived in your memories, sickeningly reminding you of the years that have gone past.

  wedged between your mother and father who had only began speaking to one another as of three years ago, you stared blankly at the onyx coffin that, in about 20 seconds, was gone from your sight and lowered into the ground. it happened all too quick. you clenched your arm tighter, squeezing the envelope tucked underneath and protecting it from the rain. your very last summer in the valley was marked by constant rain and wind and once again, you greet the town amidst storms.

  the drive was quick, having gone directly to service after the three hour drive from the city. you couldn’t make much of the town through the gloom and suddenly, the valley was so much colder than you remember. like your being since your grandfather’s passing, it lost its colour. it was unwelcoming and felt like a punishment for your neglect over the years. amber valley was unforgiving as much as it was perfection. 

  you couldn’t make out much of the attendees through the gloom, either. many of them appeared absolutely devastated, sobbing and cold-faced at the goodbye of a beloved neighbour. your grandfather was always well-liked amongst the townspeople, helping out his friends with mundane tasks whenever he had free time away from the farm and shared his warm personality at community events. this was affirmed through the stories that were shared about him at the service, recognizable for his distinct good heart, but seemed so far away for you, having detached yourself from amber valley.

  “oh, an unfamiliar face! what’s your name, dear?” a man around your father’s age with salt and pepper hair was handing out hor d'oeuvres at the post-service gathering in the church basement. he seemed to be the most upbeat one in the room - though, it wasn’t saying much, considering the occasion.

  you told him your name, while looking around for either one of your parents. being in a room of strangers wasn’t your favourite activity, especially following a funeral. the last thing you wanted to do was socialize, feeling like you weren’t even in your own body all day. while you were saddened and to an extent, numb, you knew your grandfather’s passing was coming up. his illness was going to catch up to him and you spent months mentally preparing yourself for the day you would have to say goodbye. despite not being surprised, your grief was accompanied by the painful nostalgia of the town that raised you in the summertime.

  the man looked at you, appearing to search your face for something. “you’re the old man’s granddaughter? bunny?”

  the nickname almost made you flinch, having not heard it in so long that you were surprised you recognized it. you began searching the man’s face, too, also looking for some signs of familiarity. for so many years of your childhood, you were almost exclusively called this nickname by adults and friends alike.

  there wasn’t room for a response when the man pulled over another individual by his sleeve, merely attempting to walk by in peace. this one was a man closer to your age and you were too distracted by the glisten of his facial piercings to scan for recognition. the second thing you noticed the adornment of tattoos peeked from below his sleeve and trailed onto his hands. the third and final thing you noticed about him was how gentle his hands were. this was realized because the sight of this man made you drop whatever was in your own hands in surprise.

  the only thing you were holding was your grandfather’s envelope, no longer pristine and stained with a few raindrops. you noticed that you had been clutching onto this keepsake the entire service. you bent down to reach for it, when he also attempted to make the save for you. your hands brushed and you looked up at his eyes, suddenly taken away by confusion.

  “jungkook, you remember bunny?” 

  you forgot the older man was in your presence, as he was the one who pulled jungkook over in the first place. jungkook. this was the little boy you spent hours running around with all those years ago. although you seemed to forget when your grandfather had last brought him up, those moments began to rain down on you upon taking sight of him for the first time in years. you had barely looked, but it hit you.

  jungkook handed the envelope over to you and you cleared your throat, standing up properly and trying not to wobble on your favourite high heels. he also stood up and seemed to mirror your confusion, not understanding who was the person in front of him. you muttered a thank you and fixed an imaginary snag on your cardigan.

  “i just go by my first name now,” you said through a tight smile to both men, still feeling like your gut was punched in after hearing the nickname that your grandpa coined,

  “oh, of course. you’re all grown up now!” the man exclaimed. “do you remember me? mr. kim?”

  the truth was that you didn’t remember him by face, but instead remembered that your father mentioned a man of this name being the mayor. if he was the same person, mr. kim’s father was the previous town mayor, as well, and was your grandfather’s best friend before his own untimely passing. given his larger than life presence, it was same to assume that the man in front of you was the tiny valley’s politician.

  “mayor kim, of course.” you hoped you sounded convincing.

  jungkook was still standing to the side, the same confused look etched on his face. “you’re the girl that tricked me into eating mud that one time?” he blurted, as if an imaginary lightblub flashed above his head

  that took you by surprise and you almost snorted. “i didn’t trick you, you just went for it.” the quick snap back also took you by surprise, having left behind a bit of your normal self in the city before coming down to the valley for the funeral, as well as your instant recollection.

  somehow, this memory was clear as day and you could remember jungkook as a seven year old with a horrible bowl cut and missing teeth. you wore light-up sneakers and candy bracelets that day, sitting on the porch of your grandfather’s farmhouse with him and were exchanging dares to see who would give up first. maybe that was why your grandpa said you two were - 

  “ - always competitive,” jungkook said.

  although the two of you surely shared countless more memories, it was this one that stood against the test of time and it showed when it immediately hit you with a laugh. it took jungkook a second, too, but he eventually gave in and joined with his own. you hadn’t realized it until his swollen eyes became crescents in his giggles, but he seemed to be having his own trouble of a day.

  “there it is, jungkook! nice to see you finally cheer up a bit,” mayor kim encouraged and jungkook’s chuckle immediately fell back to a straight face, almost intentionally. you suspected that this was not the first time today that mayor kim was on his case.

  before mayor kim could add on, his attention gravitated towards something at the other end of the room. he sighed and set down the hor d'oeuvres, checking the time on his wrist dressed with gold. 

  “oh, i’m being called over,” he sighed and turned back to you. “it was a pleasure seeing you again, i hope to see you around town before you have to go back to the city.”

  swiftly, mayor kim weaved his way through the crowd and just like that, it was just you and jungkook.

  you took this opportunity to give jungkook an actual once over, comparing it to the faint image you had of this man from when you were children. undeniably, he was handsome, but you were more concerned with the fact that this was still the little boy you spent your summers with. he grew into his face and you didn’t realize that you accidentally said this out loud.

  jungkook looked as much taken aback as he was amused. “oh, you got jokes, huh? that’s what you learned growing up in the city?” he teased.

  “i didn’t mean it like that - “ you started, but he waved you off with a laugh.

  the conversation was a bit overwhelming, considering you were still stuck in a church basement following your grandfather’s funeral service and could not locate your parents anywhere. jungkook recognized this in your face and eased into a sympathetic smile. somehow, you felt okay enough around him to drop your tense shoulders for the first time that day.

  “i’m sorry, i should be giving my condolences. your grandpa was a loved man by everyone here.”

  looking around the room, it was clear. everyone had shared fond stories and were making toasts in his honour. you felt out of place, but more so because you felt like you should have been joining in with the attendees. instead of being a kind of extended family that once saw you grow up, these people were strangers. you weren’t sure if anyone recognized you, having tried to lay low and not draw any attention to yourself. the only times you seemed to have caught anyone’s eye was when you were sat beside your parents at the burial, but no one dared approach you then.

  “you were like a son to him, too,” you offered. it was true, given the amount of time you spent with jungkook as a child, maybe even going so far to call him your best friend at one point. 

  he let out a long breath, eyes moving to the enlarged portrait of your grandfather propped up on the wall. “that’s nice of you to say. i miss him already. i’m sure you feel the same.”

  you learned quickly that, in light of your disappearance from your grandfather’s farm over the years, jungkook was the one who began helping out and taking over what were your old chores. your grandfather was physically able, but he kept the young boy around for company and made feeding the chickens an excuse to have his presence. hearing this made your heart drop, feeling an unknown sense of regret that you didn’t know existed when it came to the farm.

  “it’s not like that!” jungkook cut in, seeing the tears well up in your eyes. “he would always talk about the two of you going on adventures in the city and how he loved spending time with you whenever he came up to visit. he knew that’s where your heart was.”

  you sniffled a bit, having already promised yourself to limit your breakdowns to two that day, and took a second to reel it in. “sorry…i don’t mean to - “ you sighed. 

  “it’s okay. it’s weird being back here, huh?” 

  it was weird. it was so damn weird that the air of amber valley stuck with you for the months following, like bubblegum in your hair and a melody on loop in your head. you couldn’t shake it. not when you were working an extra 20 hours overtime in a week, not when you became stuck in traffic everyday, and especially not when your boyfriend of three years dumped you because you “changed” so much since the start of the year.

  and, it was true. you changed a lot since your conversation with your grandfather on christmas eve, with his words echoing about the stressors of life everyday. it opened your eyes to how much you were really struggling and it wasn’t simply you who had changed, but your outlook on life. ever since you were twelve years old, everything shifted to the fastlane and years breezed by you in the blink of an eye. everything moved so fast and you never got a chance to catch your breath. one moment, you were 15, sneaking a sip of your first ever drink, and the next, you were 24 and drinking straight out of the wine bottle on a tuesday evening. you wondered how you suddenly found yourself jaded at a 9-5 black hole of a job that sucked out your energy and passions. 

  these days made you think about what truly deserved your energy and what truly were your passions. did you like your everyday routine of gluing on false lashes and slipping on pantyhose? were you happy, alone in your apartment with not even a cat to talk to? your parents had their own worlds and new lives to deal with and long stopped asking why you never call. your friends were co-workers, having no time to meet anyone new. you didn’t even have time for hobbies, given how tired you were every time you finished work and the amount of overtime you did.

  one thursday night, you arrived home from work at 10:13pm and decided you had enough. it was constraining, nearly strangling you with exhaustion everyday. you spent the entire day wondering was “it” was and when you kicked off your loafers by your doorstep, it hit you. this was what your grandfather was talking about.

  almost walking with fear of what was to come, you creeped over to your desk. after your grandpa’s funeral, his envelope no longer lived underneath manila folders in your drawer, but found a place on the surface. you kept it there, as it mocked you every time you opened up your work laptop after hours. you didn’t realize why you left it in plain sight, until this moment when you came to terms with the fact that you were reminding yourself of him.

  “if you’re reading this, you must be in dire need of change. the same thing happened to me, long ago. i’d lost sight of what mattered most in life. . . real connections with other people and nature. so i dropped everything and moved to the place where i truly belong.”

  it took you precisely two weeks to pack up your things after opening the envelope. nobody could convince you not to. your mother complained that you were wasting your degree and your father had concerns about the massive role you were about to take on all by yourself. it didn’t matter.

  two weeks later, you met amber valley and its sunlight for the first time in years, pretending that the storm ceased and the sun shone to welcome you back. 

  iii. the granddaughter

the sun faded quickly when you realized the bus dropped you off on a plain dirt road in the middle of nowhere. the movers took the rest of your belongings separately, so you were left with nothing but a duffel bag and a cell phone that couldn’t find any signal.

  “oops,” was all you could say. you didn’t think it was a crazy idea, that there would be service at the very least.

  it took you a few moments to let the situation settle in and for you to realize that you were abandoned in a place that was unfamiliar to you. was it unfamiliar? you looked around, seeing nothing but fields on fields and accepted that there was no way you could even try to remember where you were, even with the help of the maps app. you knew you made it to town, but you were certainly left at the farthest point of the borders. 

  and then, you heard it.

  it was over at least ten years since you last rode, but your ears perked up at the sound of a horse’s gallop naturally. you had to squint, but it was unmistakable.

  they were going in the other direction and they were going fast, so you had to think fast. you tried yelling and waving your arms, but quickly saw that it was useless. so, you dropped your bg and brought your hands to your mouth, releasing the loudest whistle that your vocal chords could handle.  

  the horse and its rider kept going and for a few seconds, you thought you lost hope. but, then, as you were about to pick up your bag in shame, you watched them take a wide turn back around. they were headed to you.

  you waved your arms back and forth again, affirming that you needed their attention. as they came closer, you could make out a figure of a man with chestnut brown hair peeking out underneath his cowboy hat. he wore medium wash, stained jeans and a plain white t-shirt. 

  “that was the loudest whistle i’ve ever heard,” he hollered, drawing closer to you.

  you shook your head bashfully. “didn’t even know i remembered how to do that.”

  “pretty sure the whole town heard. my name is namjoon, are you visiting someone here?”

  likely a few years older than you, you tried to recall someone named namjoon from your memories. his appearance didn’t ring a bell, so you were searching your brain for his name or if you heard it from somewhere.

  you told him your name and then squinted at him, pausing for several moments before speaking again. “are you. . .joonie?”  

his eyebrows shot up immediately, looking at you like he couldn’t understand what language you were speaking. “pardon me?”

  joonie. he was mayor kim’s eldest son, who was sent to a fancy arts camp every summer when you were younger. you only met him a few times throughout the years, as he often arrived back the same week you were due to leave your grandpa to go back to your parents, but one feature stuck in your mind always. his dimples. you thought you recognized namjoon’s polite smile and piecing it together with his name seemed to be the key. 

  “i’m pretty sure you’re mayor kim’s kid. i’m bad with faces, but you’re joonie, aren’t you?” the confidence in your voice was fuelled by the fact that no one really left amber valley. it was the kind of place where families would raise their children with the kids they grew up with themselves. 

  namjoon seemed to still be calculating your appearance in his head when you heard the faint noise of galloping once again. the two of you looked over to see another person on a horse who was looking around the field, likely looking for namjoon. the man in question brought his hand to his mouth and released a whistle similar to yours - though, you did gloat silently because yours was, in fact, louder.

  still, it was enough to get the person’s attention and they finally made eye contact with the two of you. they began approaching and you could make out that it was a man’s figure. still, even with how small of a town amber valley was, you were surprised to see who it was.

  “jungkook!”

  “namjoon, i just spent fucking 15 minutes looking for you - “

  you tried to keep your expression neutral when you saw that it was actually jungkook on the horse. he wore an all-black outfit of cargo pants and a wife beater tank that exposed his tattooed arms. it made it hard to keep your expression the same.

“oh, hey. did you come to collect something from your grandpa’s property?” jungkook suddenly ignored his previous frustration at namjoon, cleared his throat and dropped his voice by an octave, in addition to cutting his voice’s volume by a cool half. he swiftly hopped off his horse, too cleanly to be casual.

  namjoon’s confusion only doubled, darting eyes between the two of you. “sorry, have you guys met?” he didn’t miss the way that jungkook straightened his shoulders without even trying to be subtle.

  you missed it, though, having cut away your stare to double check if your phone managed to get any signal. none. sighing, you shook your head at jungkook, as he began explaining to namjoon.

  “ - we called her bunny. remember bunny?” he nudged towards you.

  namjoon looked back at you again and concern formed. “you’re the granddaughter. oh, you were at the funeral - i’m sorry about your loss. your grandpa was such a great person.”

  you put on the same tight smile every time someone mentioned him. the worst of the grief came back on some days, but you learned how to manage it day by day as time went on. jungkook watched you do so and cleared his throat.

  “the old bus stop is the worst,” he interrupted, gesturing towards the tiny sign that indicated that it was in service. “people get lost all the time when they arrive. well, we don’t really have a lot of people visiting by bus - “

  you couldn’t help but cut in. “i’m not visiting.”

  the two men gave you and your single chanel duffel bag a blank stare and wondered if the idea was so hard to believe. it was for your parents, who both thought you caught them on some sort of prank show when you told them about grandpa’s envelope. you were wearing platform mary janes and a leather skirt in the dead of the june sun, so maybe they had a reason to be confused.

  there was a moment of silence, so you decided to speak again. “yeah, i’m not visiting. um, i’ve decided to take over my grandfather’s farm. i’m moving to amber valley permanently.”