#soon after aromanticism

[iwanttobepersephone]

Sometimes I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that the person making a post about how there's no aroace rep anywhere clearly doesn't have my algorithm, where all I see is aroace rep, and if they did, they would have worded this post differently, and there's no reason to get frustrated

But at the same time... ALL I SEE IS AROACE REPRESENTATION AND YEAH Y'ALL DESERVE IT BUT PLEASE I JUST WANT TO SEE SOME OF MY FELLOW LESBIANS P L E A S E

(I haven't written the tags yet but I have a feeling they're gonna be important to read lol)

[apparently-artless]

just some ramblings... don't read if you don't want to...

i do not bother to hide my sexuality, but sometimes it's hard to explain to others that asexual and aromantic people exist. sometimes it's hard to listen to people dismiss my sexuality and tell me insensitive things like "it's just a phase" or "you'll find someone soon enough" or "it's because you keep on watching too much anime that your standard is too high". gee! thank you for making me feel like an idiot who doesn't know the difference between fiction and reality. but i guess what hurts the most is to be called "not normal" by someone you thought would accept you for who you are. what's normal anyway? why do i have to be in a relationship just so i can be happy? why do people assume i would end up lonely if i am alone? fuck normal. and fuck romantic relationship. it's fucking overrated and people need to know that it's not for everyone. i am not asking for full understanding. i'm just asking for acceptance. if the people around me wouldn't do so, there's nothing i can do about it. either way, i won't change and i don't hate myself for who i am. i guess i'll just move on with my life.

[scattered-winter]

as lonely as being aro can be I honestly wouldn't have it any other way because as a kid I felt like my life would be over in my 20s once I married and started having kids but the first time I realized I didn't have to do that shit was akin to a bird getting released from its cage

[ash-hub]

[ink-flavored]

💐100 Question Romance & Love OC Ask Game💘

Do you love love? Does your OC feel the same? Look no further for an excuse to talk about everything romance! Plus there's a few about aromanticism in there! I tried to make the questions applicable to most relationships, but you want something a bit more poly-focused, here’s a link to my polycule dynamics game. Remember to send an ask to the person you reblog it from to make sure everyone gets to play!

😍Do they like romance? Have they always hated the idea, or are they a swooning hopeless romantic?

❤️How do they feel about the concept of “love”? What does it mean to them?

❓Have they ever questioned the idea of what “love” is? Where did it lead them?

💞How many times have they been in love?

💭What’s their most formative memory about love or romance? It can be good or bad.

💖What’s the easiest part of love for them?

🖤What’s the hardest part of love for them?

💝What do they want the most from a romantic relationship? Is it what they need?

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨Do they prefer a steady partnership or casual dating? Neither?

🥰Who are they in love with right now, if anyone?

🔥Who was their first love? How did it turn out?

💋How romantic do they expect their partner(s) to be in a relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if expectations aren’t met?

💓How romantic are they in a relationship? Does it depend on the partner, or are they moon-eyed with anyone?

💌Which “traditionally romantic” acts (love poetry, flowers, etc.) do they love the most? Would they rather receive this kind of affection, or give it to someone else?

💐Which “traditionally romantic” acts (love poetry, flowers, etc.) do they hate more than anything? When it’s directed at them, or when they’re expected to give it to others?

💟What is the dating culture in their society like? Do they participate in it?

💯What’s their idea of a perfect date?

⏳Have they ever tried speed-dating? How did it go?

📱Have they ever tried dating apps? How did it go?

💍Are they expected by their society to date and/or marry? How do they feel about it?

💜Do they have a “type” of person they tend to date?

📃Do they have high standards about who they date? Low standards?

🧀What’s their cheesiest romantic fantasy? Do they want to recreate it in real life?

💘Do they often “make the first move” when it comes to love? Or are they waiting for the object(s) of their affection to pick up the hints they’re dropping?

📢Are they able to confess romantic feelings easily, or do they clam up at the mere prospect?

💦Is it super obvious when they have feelings for someone, or are they a master at hiding it?

💗What’s the longest amount of time they’ve ever pined after someone?

🤍Have they ever been on either side of an “unrequited love” situation? How did it turn out?

🏃‍♂️Is anybody their “one that got away”? Have they ever “gotten away” from someone else?

💔Have they ever had to break up with someone? Why?

🔂Have they ever broken up and then gotten back together with the same person? How many times? Did it work out in the end?

❌Have they ever been rejected after a confession of love? How did they handle it?

🚫Have they ever had to reject someone else’s feelings? How did it go?

🤏Have they ever had a romantic interest “stolen” before? Have they ever made a move on someone they knew a friend was interested in?

��Do they consider “having a crush” and “being in love” different things? Where’s the line?

🤥Have they ever lied to make a relationship more viable? Did it end well, or blow up in their face?

😳Have they ever been broken up with in a situation where it was kiiinda their fault? What was the issue?

🍨What are their methods for getting over a break-up?

🐸Do they tend to jump from one relationship to the next, quickly entering another as soon as the previous one ends? Why?

💡Have they ever been in love with the idea of someone instead of the actual person? What was the aftermath?

💛How important is being in a relationship to them?

📅Have they ever stayed in a relationship long past its expiration date? Why?

💥Did any of their relationships end catastrophically? What happened?

🤝Are they still friends with any of their ex-partners?

😲Have they ever been cheated on before? What happened?

👺Have they ever been the cheater? Were they ever found out?

1️⃣How do they feel about the concept of finding “The One”? Is it an aspiration or something they roll their eyes at?

👀How do they feel about the concept of “love at first sight”? Do they believe in it?

😨Do they have any “taboo” or unpopular opinions about love or romance?

💚Are they aromantic? Have they considered it?

✋Are they loveless? [for an aromantic perspective on lovelessness check out this essay]

💙Have they ever been in a queer-platonic relationship? Would they consider it?

💕Where do they draw the line between friendship and romance, if at all?

✊Do they practice relationship anarchy? [for more information about relationship anarchy, check out this guide]

🔢Are they polyamorous? Have they considered it?

💫How would they feel if, in a monogamous relationship, their partner asked them to try polyamory?

🗂️Do they have a hard time separating their romantic feelings from other kinds of love? Which ones?

⁉️Do they often feel like they’re “doing love wrong” in their relationships? Anything specific?

📈Do they often prioritize romance and love in their life? To the detriment of other relationships?

😡Are they a jealous partner?

👥Are they jealous of any of their friends’ or family members’ relationships?

😥Are they often left behind in love? Were they single and watching all their friends get married?

🤷‍♂️Would they be happy without romantic love in their life?

🚒How important is physical attraction to their romantic relationships?

👯‍♂️Are sex and romance conflated in their culture? How does this impact them?

🥴How often do they expect sex in a romantic relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if expectations aren’t met?

🙅‍♂️How would they feel about being in a sexless relationship?

👫Have they ever been in love with someone who was already in a relationship? How did it turn out?

📚Do they like romance as a genre? In books, movies, games, etc.?

✅Do they have a relationship they can look up to as a positive example of romantic love?

👎Do they have a relationship that’s a perfect example of “what not to do” in their life?

🤕What are their “hang-ups” or insecurities about love and romance?

👄Are they an effective communicator in their relationships?

🦸‍♂️Have they ever played match-maker with their friends or loved ones? How did it go?

��Have they ever been “match-made” by someone else? How did it go?

💒Is marriage an important consideration for them? Out of choice, necessity, social pressure?

👰Is marrying for love a rarity in their culture, or commonplace?

💎Would they want to propose to someone, or be proposed to?

🎉Do they want a huge showy proposal, or something more private?

🎁What’s their ideal wedding, on a scale of “courthouse wedding with 5 people maximum” to “100+ guests, massive ceremony, all-night reception”?

👗What sorts of clothes do married couples wear in their culture? Do they plan on wearing the traditional clothes, or doing something different?

🔓Have they ever had to break off an engagement? Why?

🏆What kind of love is prioritized in their society? Does it impact how they’re able to love?

🌹What’s considered “romantic” in their society? How does that impact their relationships?

👪How has their family influenced their ideas of romance and love?

🙋‍♀️How have their friends influenced their ideas of romance and love?

⛪How has their religion or faith influenced their ideas of romance and love?

🗺️What are some cultural customs surrounding love and romance that they practice?

👑Does their culture have any formal courting customs? Have they been taught how to properly court?

💄Are people pressured to fit a specific beauty standard in order to be “romantically viable”? How has this impacted their love life?

🙄Have they ever dated someone for their family’s sake? How did it go?

🤨Have they ever “pity dated” someone? Have they ever been “pity dated” by someone else?

🥣How does their culture view a “serial dater,” or someone who refuses to settle down?

➕Do they care about people’s “body count,” or how many relationships they’ve been in?

👶Would they ever be in a relationship with someone who already had children?

🤱If they ever ended up single with children, how would they feel about entering a new relationship?

🌑Would they date a widow? Would they date again if they were ever widowed?

✏️If they had the chance to erase one past romantic mistake, what would it be?

🩹Do they often give romantic advice to their friends or family? Is it good advice?

👂Do they often seek romantic advice from friends or family? Has it helped?

[genderqueerdykes]

in honor of aromantic spectrum awareness week, i thought i'd take the time to talk about how much my personal life and feelings improved after coming to terms with the fact that i'm aromantic. before i accepted this, i found myself in several romantic relationships where i was deeply unhappy, uncomfortable, and made to feel like i wasn't a good enough partner because i just couldn't do or feel certain things.

i've never enjoyed kissing, and cuddling gets uncomfortable for me within the first few minutes of doing so. even hugs are deeply uncomfortable to me unless i really know and care about someone, and even then, hugs only come when that person asks for them. it never occurs to me to touch people this way, the most you'll get out of me is a pat on the shoulder, back or knee.

i ended up dating several people who were very much romantics, and heavily focused on that aspect of our relationship. it kind of felt like torture to me, i felt like i was being forced to live every day like it was Valentine's Day- every day had to be filled with hours of cuddling, kissing, and telling the other person how much i loved them. while not all romantic partners are like this, it wore on my psyche quickly to be paired with folks like this, because i understood how important it was to them, but i just couldn't keep up the performance.

i thought something was "wrong" with me for years and that i just wasn't in touch with my emotions, or that i was somehow embracing some toxic aspects of my masculinity without realizing. it took me ages to remember that i came out as aromantic when i was much younger, but after criticism from my friends, including a friend who was asexual, i stopped identifying with the label, because i was told that aromanticism wasn't real, and that that just made me an asshole.

nearly a decade and several uncomfortable romantic relationships later, it finally clicked that there wasn't something wrong with me, but there was something wrong with the situations i was getting myself into. sure, i love being partnered- i have a queerplatonic partner that i've known for a decade and have only gotten closer to over time. but we've never been romantic. we don't exchange romantic platitudes, and i realized; i've never been happier with someone else than i am with this person.

why is that?

oh. because they don't expect romance from me. they are also on the aspectrum and don't have a romantic partner, either.

this relationship has brought me more joy than any romantic partnership i've ever attempted to pursue. that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me- i was just looking for happiness in the wrong places. i was miserable not because i'm aromantic, but because i was getting into romantic relationships.

romance can be a source of misery. romance does not inherently make everyone happy. we are not all looking for romance as a species. in fact, chasing it makes many people miserable. too many people spend their lives looking for "the one" that they can kiss, cuddle, hold and say all of those mushy things to when they may not even want that to begin with.

i've never been more at peace with myself since finally, fully accepting that i'm aromantic. i love who i am, and i love how i love. i am not loveless, i experience platonic, queerplatonic and other forms of love. but loveless aromantics aren't miserable, either. we are all embracing ourselves in a way that's true to us. we are refusing to warp ourselves to a society that tells us that we all must have homogeneous feelings.

i am aromantic. i am here. my aromanticism is queer in a society that expects and demands romance of me, and this is true of all aromantics, cis, trans, gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, and otherwise. we are here, we are not going away any time soon, and we will not be silent because our identities make some people uncomfortable. we are happiest being who we are.

happy aro week, this goes out to every last arospectrum person out there, appreciate yourselves this week. you deserve it.

[aspecpolls]

Romantically partnering aros/aro-specs: When do you disclose your aromanticism to (potential) partners?

I'm openly aromantic; they'd probably already know

Before we start dating, or as soon as potential exists

As soon as we start dating, or within the first month

After we've been dating for a while/at least a month

Only if it's brought up or becomes relevant to mention

Only if I feel certain they'll accept me

Only if I feel certain they won't leave me

I never tell them

Other

Results button

[couldaromanticismsavethem]

CHOCO BAR COOKIE FROM COOKIE RUN: OVENBREAK

Justification: “because i said so (/j)

in her release event someone calls her "my beloved" and she says, quote, "Huh? Your beloved?! Hah! Don't make me laugh, when did I ever say you could call me that? Where's my Jellygun-"

after this, her director says "Cut, cut! Choco Bar Cookie, this isn't an action movie! It's a romance! No jump kicks!"

TO BE FAIR she is an actress but the jump kick part wasnt in the script so we cant be sure if she was supposed to say that line or if she went off script. it is enough for me though<3 even funnier because i was talking to a friend and said that i headcanoned her as aroace and then as SOON as i said that she said that line in the cutscene.”

[theroseredreaper]

Let’s Talk About Love

Shall We Date?: Obey Me! One Master To Rule Them All!

Summary: Levi doesn’t understand why you keep choosing him over his brothers time and time again. He can’t offer you the same things that they would be able to offer you.

Word Count: 2174 ✯ AO3 Version

Characters: Aromantic! Asexual! Leviathan x Aromantic! Asexual! GN! Reader

Tags: Fluff, aroace reader x aroace character, discussions of aromanticism, discussions of queer platonic relationships, autistic-coded Levi

Jealousy was an emotion that Leviathan spent the whole of his existence being intimately familiar with. Such a thing is no surprise, really - he transformed into the Avatar of Envy after his fall from heaven, afterall. Envy was a black, ugly feeling that he lived with too closely anytime he didn't drown himself in his manga, anime, or games to escape from it.

Inferiority was another emotion he knew just as well, even if he experienced it less often, since he shut himself away in his room most everyday so that he wouldn't have to deal with the overwhelming weight of all he was lacking that came with inferiority. That and so he wouldn't have to deal with his social anxiety, too.

Inferiority was, unfortunately, something he was feeling way too much lately, ever since you have come to the Devildom and wormed your way into his family’s life. Watching his brothers all fawn over you around the breakfast table, the inferiority was especially oppressive today. Each of them had a different approach to you, but he knew that each one of them was in love with you.

Mammon was the most obvious about his being in love with you with how he constantly tried to get your attention and monopolize your time, even if he wasn’t entirely honest about his feelings. Satan was slightly more devious about it, covering up his shyness over outright saying his feelings by straight-forward actions, flirting with you and asking you out on dates. Belphegor was territorial and possessive of you, easily upset when your thoughts and time weren’t devoted to him, wanting to monopolize you in a way that was much less wholesome than how Mammon desired to monopolize your time.

Levi sincerely hopes that his younger brother was not a yandere, like the kinds he sometimes saw in his manga and anime. For your safety as well as the safety of the rest of them.

Asmodeus flirted with you just as he flirted with every person he found attractive, but Levi knows that Asmo’s love for you was genuine in that you were the only person allowed to see the true insecurities lying under the air-headed facade Asmo maintained. Lucifer desired you just as Asmo desired you, openly fond of you when he thought no one else was watching, being severely strict upon you to try and maintain the idea that he had no favoritism towards you when he thought people were watching. Beelzebub - well, Levi actually wasn’t sure that Beel experienced love or desire for anything that wasn’t food. But he did know that it definitely meant something that his younger brother willingly shared food with you and cooked for you.

As soon as Lucifer dismissed them from the breakfast table, Levi made a beeline for his room, itching to bury himself under a blanket to try and not thinking about the whirlwind of barbed thoughts running through his mind right now.

Leviathan himself, well...he is fairly sure that he does love you too, in some capacity. He knows for a fact that he cares for you deeply, that he’s fond of you, and that he finds himself wanting to share his special interests with you - but he’s also aware, somewhere in the back of his mind, that the way he feels about you is not the same way that his brothers feel about you. He’s painfully conscious of the fact that even when these tangle of emotions confuse him when he thinks on them too long that he’s not, not in love with you. At least, not like how Satan and Mammon are in love with you. And he doesn’t desire you either, not the way that Lucifer and Asmodeus desire you.

The inferiority that overcomes him whenever he acknowledges these thoughts, these feelings, that he can’t offer to you what his brothers can, yet selfishly desiring to spend every waking moment he could just enjoying your company...it makes him want to just curl up under his blankets, blocking out all the lights of his room, their lights brighter than usual in his heightened emotional distress, blocking out all the buzzing of his electronics with his headphones, just blocking out the world entirely, trying to block out his mind at the same time.

Why - despite his brothers constantly vying for your time, attention, and affections - do you continue to keep choosing him out of all them to spend all your time with?

“Levi? Are you in there?” you called from outside his bedroom door with a knock, “I wanted to watch the new TSL DVD with you, if you were still up for that?”

Levi groggily unfurled himself from his blanket nest, squinting at the brightness of his phone, faintly surprised that he had basically let himself pass the whole day away hiding under his blankets.

“I can go if you aren’t feeling well…”

Rubbing at his eyes, Levi pulled himself out of his tub-bed with a grimace, striding over and opening the door for you, before turning back and disappearing back into his room so he wouldn’t have to deal with the brightness of the hall lights, “I’ll set up the movie once I find it. You can set up the pillows.”

Entering his room, you were caught over by the big nest of blankets all heaped in the tub-bed already, and looking over at Leviathan, you could see his tail sticking out from the one blanket that was still wrapped about him like a hood, his tail flicking up and down rapidly. Levi was obviously really upset about something.

Pursing your lips, contemplating if you should just straight up give him a hug, or ask him what was wrong first, then give him the hug, you picked out the pillows that you know were Levi’s favorites and arranged the tub-bed to be as comfy as possible. Nodding in satisfaction, you turned to see Levi still rummaging through his stack of DVDs, head drooped and tail still flicking with irritation. He seemed as though he was lost in thought.

“Levi? Are you okay?”

He startled, dropping the DVDs he was holding and tipping over the whole stack. Feeling positively horrible that you startled him like that, you quickly rushed over to help him pick up the fallen DVDs.

“I’m fine, I’m just really tired,” he mumbled as he avoided eye-contact, picking up DVD after DVD quickly.

You sighed softly, gently putting a hand on his arm and stopping him, “You’re in your demon form, Levi. You morph into your demon form whenever you’re upset. ...can I give you a hug?”

He hesitated for a moment before he nodded, putting aside the DVDs onto his desk. You wrapped him up in a huge hug, patting his back gently, and Levi found himself relaxing into your tender embrace, resting his cheek against your head, exhaling long and slow. He already felt loads better.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, it’s...it’s fine. It’s...silly. I don’t want to bother you with - “

You squeezed him gently, tightening your arms around him, “Levi. You are never a bother to me. And your feelings are never, ever ‘silly.’ Okay? Your feelings are important, just like how you’re important. Okay? Now, talk to me, Levi. What’s wrong? Why’re you upset?”

Levi trembled at the utter anxiety clogging his throat up at just the mere thought of trying to express what he was feeling out loud, hiding his face in your hair as he held you close, “It’s..it’s, um…”

“You can take all the time you need,” you quietly encouraged him, rubbing a comforting hand up and down his back.

Shakily taking a breath, he tried again, “I, um...All my brothers...they’re in love with you. But I...I don’t love you. Ah, but that’s - ! That’s not - ! It’s, that’s, what I meant, is that, I don’t...I don’t love you the same way they do. I...I can't give you the same kind of love they would, so I don’t - I don’t understand why you...why keep choosing to spend all your time with...with someone like me…”

You stood quietly, letting his words wash over you as you processed what he was telling you. Pulling away from the hug with careful movements, you looked up at Levi to see he had his eyes anxiously squeezed shut, likely afraid of what your reaction would be to his words.

“Levi, look at me. Please,” you asked him, keeping your voice hushed, knowing how he became hyper sensitive when his emotions were high strung.

He hesitantly opened his eyes, looking down at you, heart near stopping at how you were looking at him with such...utter understanding.

You took his hands and sat him down in the nest of pillows and blankets you had set up in his tub-bed, plopping down next him.

“I keep choosing you to spend all my time with because I like you, Levi.”

Levi sat straight up, struggling against sinking into all the pillows, “But - !”

“I’m not interest in what your brothers have to offer me, either.”

“But I - “

You turned to look up at him, avoiding eye contact so that you wouldn’t make him uncomfortable with how distraught he already was, “I don’t return any of their feelings. And I don’t expect you to feel any differently for me than you already do. Have you aromanticism, Levi?”

He blinked, caught off guard by the question Levi shook his head.

“Aromanticism is when a person very rarely, or never, feels romantic attraction.”

Levi gaped at you, “That’s - that’s a real thing?!”

“It is,” you nodded, smiling fondly at him, “There’s an entire spectrum, for all the different ways a person experiences aromanticism.”

Levi slumped back into the pillows and blankets, sinking into them as he stared at the ceiling in wonderment, mulling over what you had just told him. He sat up suddenly, struggling to not sit back into the bed again,

“Wait! Are you aromantic?”

You nodded, smiling at him all the same, “Yeah. I am. I’m asexual too. Asexuality means that you rarely or never feel sexual attraction. There’s a whole spectrum to how people experience asexuality too.”

Leviathan stared at you, utterly wowed, trying to figure out how to say what he was feeling, inhaling sharply, “I - I think I might be aromantic and, and asexual…”

You grinned as you pulled him into another big hug and he returned the hug, and Levi found himself grinning too as he returned the hug, his tail rapidly thumping against the pillows all around the both of you, but this time it was because he was excited to learn this new thing you just told him about.

“...there’s nothing wrong with me,” Leviathan murmured, finally allowing himself to sink back into the pillows and blankets and stay there.

“There was nothing wrong with you to begin with,” you agree, sinking into the pillows and blankets beside him, feeling comfortable and safe in his arms.

“...but you know, I...I feel really deeply for you, but I do know that I don’t want to like, be your boyfriend or anything, but I, I do want to spend like - agh, I’m not making any sense, am I…?” he huffed, hiding his face into the pillows, frustrated with himself.

“No, I get it,” you reassured him, poking at him to try and get him to stop hiding, “Do you know what a queer platonic relationship is?”

Levi peeked up at you, face adorably scrunched up in confusion, “Huh? A what?”

“I’m guessing not,” you giggled, cuddling up close, “Let’s see...a QPR is something more intense than friendship, but isn’t exactly romantic. The lines between platonic feelings and romantic feelings can be blurred and it can be hard for both people involved to really understand how they feel about each other fully. They can include friendships and ambiguously-romantic relationships that go beyond friendship norms in emotional intensity, physical affection, or other areas. Some QPR partners get married. A QPR can look different for everyone, depending on what the people involved are comfortable with and how they feel for each other.”

Levi mouthed out a “wow,” thinking this over, “So what I feel…”

You squished his cheeks together playfully, giggling, “I understand what you feel entirely. In fact, I feel the same. You just learned a lot in a few minutes, but...I really like you, Levi. Would you want to be my queer platonic partner?”

He gaped at you, before laughing excitedly, nodding and pulling you into an even tighter hug, positively delighted. You returned the hug just as happily, resting your head on his shoulder. The two of you pulled back to smile at each other, the world feeling perfectly in balance at this new decision that the two of you made together.

That evening, the two of you thoroughly enjoyed the new TSL DVD together, cuddling under the light of the movie that played on Levi’s large flat screen television.

Likes and reblogs are loved and appreciated!

[aroaceconfessions]

I'm a teen who basically told my parents aromanticism exists today... well, the conversation happened at lunch, when they were talking about some of my cousins' lives. My mom mentioned she'd just realized how one of my cousins is 22 and apparently never had a boyfriend before. "Wow, she's really focused on her studies and life goals", my mom commented. "She really never dated anyone that we know of. I'd never thought about that before". I quietly mentioned I had, in fact, thought about it before- I just didn't say I had thought about that more times than they might think, since all those times I was wondering about the possibility of another aro in the family. "At this age everyone has already had at least a few crushes, been hurt by love, or kissed people a few times", she completed. "Not everyone", I said. She replied "well, pretty much everyone- people who haven't must be like, less than 1% of people. It's almost impossible". I said "not completely impossible, though". After a few seconds of silence, I asked "have you ever heard of aromantics?" She said she hadn't, and I said "they're people who don't fall in love with others". She basically scoffed and said "yes, there's always those tribes at some point- emos, aromantics, whatever else" (looking back, I find it kind of hilarious how much she misunderstood what emos were and just lumped them in with us lmao). I got a little bit defensive, but tried to make it not be noticeable, and said "'aromantic' is actually an identity, though- what do you think the 'a' in 'lgbtqia+' stands for? It's asexuals and aromantics". She said she didn't know that and basically ended the subject saying "well, yes, there's all kinds of people in this world- maybe your cousin is part of that group then", but I felt it wasn't in a serious tone- she was just trying to end the conversation and looking at me like I didn't know much about stuff. Well, the reception could have been worse, and I guess she somehow acknowledged the existence of aromanticism, but I still felt a little bad about it- like she didn't actually put any thought into it and maybe didn't actually believe in me, or take the identity seriously. I don't really plan on coming out to my family any time soon (I'm not even sure about being aroace anyway- I'm still young, and wonder if I'm not just confused and still going to feel attraction some day), but this conversation made me even more apprehensive about it. I hope over the years I can make my parents at least believe this is a valid identity before thinking of coming out to them.

By the way, sorry if this was confusing- English isn't my first language.

Submitted March 11, 2023

[our-aroace-experience]

Hello there! First of all, thank you for making such a lovely welcoming space!

I feel generally comfortable in my aroace identity now after 4 years of figuring myself out, but I feel like my parent still doesn’t really accept me. They’ve said that they love me for who I am, but they’ve said before that they think I’m straight and that I just need to mature. Even after I’ve told them about asexuality and aromanticism, they still say stuff like “live a little! Kiss a boy!” or “these are your best years to do it” and it just feels disheartening, like they only see it as a thing I’m doing out of fear or self esteem issues.

I just wish there was a way where I could properly share my thoughts to them without getting tongue tied to misstating my thoughts. I know they mean well, but they’re not all the way there yet.

Anyways this turned into more of a rant than anything I hope you don’t mind

hi there! thank you so much, i’m glad it’s been welcoming for you! i’m sorry to hear about your parents, hopefully they’ll come around soon. if you wanted, you could maybe talk to them about not making those comments? you don’t even have to relate it to being aroace, just say you don’t like it? either way i wish you luck and remember that it’s ok to not date/ kiss anyone, no matter what your parents say!

[ninja-muse]

February was a pretty good month! I read some books I really loved (and a couple that were simply meh), I got in a father-daughter visit and had really good luck at Scrabble, the weather was mostly not awful, and even if inventory at work took longer than expected, I survived it without brain mush, which has happened before. I am still the fastest scanner! My title holds.

Regular readers will be unsurprised to learn that Eve by Cat Bohannon and Mirrored Heavens by Rebecca Roanhorse were my top reads of the month, or that What Feasts At Night by T. Kingfisher ranks third. My T. Kingfisher problem is at least a year old, after all. (Also I read a couple delightful picture books, so be sure to click through to find them!)

I'm personally more surprised by my lowest picks, because they both sounded so up my alley but fell flat for nearly completely different reasons. The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store ended up feeling disjointed and like it was trying for a theme it couldn't quite grasp, and A Market of Dreams and Desires hit all kinds of tropes I love, right down to random Dickens references and weird steampunk machines, but tied everything together a little too neatly for me. Ah well.

And right in the middle of my list is my sole physical TBR read of the month: The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz. This managed to tick off "Canadian author" and "classic" at the same time, so I get triple points. (This might have had a hand in me picking it.) Duddy has aged surprisingly well, in that it's still pretty fast-paced and amusing and also in that Richler wrote it with the understanding that scam artistry, hypermaterialism, and misogyny were bad and y'know what? They still are. I would recommend if you're looking for a Canadian teen anti-hero, more than anything. Duddy is a trainwreck and you can't look away.

I managed to get through the month with only three books hauled. (We won't talk about ARCs but the book fairies were kind.) The Unfortunate Traveller and Under a Pendulum Sun were bought during the habitual father-daughter bookstore date, and both because I never thought I'd see them and figured I might never see them again. The Unfortunate Traveller is essays and travel writing by a guy who co-wrote with Shakespeare and I didn't know it even existed. Under the Pendulum Sun was recced to me somewhere (here? bookish website algorithms?) and since it's essentially a gothic novel with properly weird fairies, it's been on my list.

The third book was a total surprise. Apparently I helped crowdfund it in 2019 and they've only just managed to get it printed and also I said I wanted a physical copy? The things we learn. Anyway, it's essays on aromanticism, agender identity, and asexuality so that tracks.

And I know I said I wasn't going to talk about ARCs but I got some good ones this last month and also in January, and there's a lot of them that are out or soon to be out and I'm having that problem where I want to be reading all of them at once. March is going to be interesting and probably a little panic-inducing.

Click through to see everything I read this month, in the rough order of how glad I was to have read them.

Eve - Cat Bohannon

A history of human evolution, through the lens of the female body.

8.5/10

warning: touches on sexism, mental illness, suicide, miscarriage, and rape

reading copy

Mirrored Heavens - Rebecca Roanhorse

The fractures following the eclipse have deepened and no one can see a way back to peace that doesn’t involve bloodshed. Out in June

8/10

Indigenous cast, 🏳️‍🌈 POV characters (bisexual, third gender), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (third gender, sapphic), Black-Pueblo author

warning: war, torture, mentions of child abuse

reading copy

What Feasts At Night - T. Kingfisher

Alex Easton has returned to kar hunting lodge to relax. Unfortunately, the locals claim there's a monster on a property.

8/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (third gender), protagonist with PTSD

Library ebook

The Twilight Queen - Jeri Westerson

Will Somers, jester to Henry VIII, is caught up in another mystery, this time of a corpse in Queen Anne’s bedchamber.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (bi), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay)

digital reading copy

The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz - Mordechai Richler

A delinquent teen grows into a hustler, against the backdrop of mid-century Jewish Montreal.

7/10

largely Jewish cast, Jewish author, 🇨🇦

warning: racial slurs, misogyny

Off my TBR shelves

The Woman With No Name - Audrey Blake

Lonely and craving war work, Yvonne signs up to be the first female spy for the Allies in occupied France. Out in March

7/10

half a 🇨🇦 author

reading copy

The Frame-Up - Gwenda Bond

Ten years ago, Dani turned her art thief mom in to the Feds. Now her mom’s mentor has given Dani an offer she can’t refuse: use her magic to pull an impossible heist, get her life back.

6.5/10

Black secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (sapphic)

reading copy

The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store - James McBride

The Black and Jewish residents of a Pennsylvania neighbourhood are (mostly) in it together, not least of when the government decides to take a local Deaf kid to an asylum.

7/10

Jewish and Black cast, major character with chronic illness and a limp, secondary Deaf character, Black author

warning: ableist characters and institutions, racist and anti-Semitic characters, sexual assault and molestation, (largely) reclaimed slurs

library book

The Market of Dreams and Destiny - Trip Galey

Deri may have a chance to buy out his indenture early when he meets a princess looking to sell her destiny. But in the goblin’s Untermarkt, nothing’s ever easy.

6.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 main character (mlm), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (mlm, genderfluid), British Indian secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 author

warning: child abuse, enslavement

borrowed from work

Picture Books

No Cats in the Library - Lauren Emmons

Cats aren’t allowed in the library but that’s where all the books are!

🏳️‍🌈 author

Read at work

Family is Family - Melissa Marr

Chick gets a note before kindergarten, telling him to have his mom or dad walk him to school. Except that Chick has two moms.

🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters and themes

Read at work

Currently reading

Knife Skills for Beginners - Orlando Murrin

Paul Delamare is filling in at a cooking school when the resident celebrity chef has a, erm, "accident."

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (gay), Black British secondary character

Reading copy

True North - Andrew J. Graff

The Brechts move to Wisconsin to restart a rafting business. They hope it’ll save their young family, but it might do the opposite.

library book

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin

A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Victorian detective stories

disabled POV character, occasional secondary Indian secondary characters

warning: racism, colonialism

Monthly total: 9 +2 Yearly total: 20 Queer books: 4 + 2 Authors of colour: 2 Books by women: 6 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 1.5 Classics: 1 Off the TBR shelves: 1 Books hauled: 3 ARCs acquired: 6 ARCs unhauled: 4 DNFs: 0

January

[3584-tropical-fish]

the writing ask: give me next and before the beginning please!!

NEXT:

This is not a line of questioning that she is particularly happy about pursuing, but she’s found that her Uncle Jim has a way of pushing her into conversations that she cannot escape from. So she grins, bears it, and says, “I’m happy for them. Why wouldn’t I be?”

BEFORE THE BEGINNING:

The old man - Mason, he calls himself - walks her back to the hoagie shop when they're done talking. He is, unfortunately, not a bad conversationalist, and she's almost sad to see him go, leaving the shop with a kind smile and a wave of his hand and a ringing of the front door's bell. A promise that he'll come back isn't worth anything, after all, and what is the use of getting her hopes up that he will come, and for once she'll have someone in her life that understands all that she has lost?

Two little snippets from my WIP fic about Carpenter and Mason's relationship, featuring cult indoctrination and a lot about aromanticism. Still a very early on concept, but I'm hoping I'll have a chance to work on it more and make the vague ideas I have something more concrete soon!

[walkman-cat]

happy sts!! how has your story changed from its first draft to its latest? - @trixierosewrites

happy sts!! thank you for the ask!

The very first draft of The Undiscovered Country is from when I was 10, and it's near un-recognisable from the story now lol.

Back then it was a superhero story about a girl who accidentally gets destructive superpowers, and who teams up with a lad who is also escaped lab experiment to take down the shadowy scientists interested in them both. It was a lot less cool and a lot more convoluted than this synopsis, and very something a 10 year old would make after watching too many superhero movies.

The Undiscovered Country went through several different iterations of a superhero story, the last of which being "local enby runs away from home and stumbles across guy who just escaped a government superhero program. friendship ensued". I then made a non-superpowered au of that draft, which then became first version of The Undiscovered Country's current form.

The Undiscovered Country now is a slice-of-life story about two very lonely gcse students becoming friends while recovering from their own different mental health crises. It's about how gcses SUCK and aromanticism and QPRs are super cool, becoming closer with younger siblings, and is ultimately wish fulfilment of the highest degree. I am planning to start writing the first draft of the current version of the Undiscovered Country at some point soon! :D

sorry if i misinterpreted this ask, I hope you have a good weekend!

[greetings-inferiors]

Here is my my journey to realising I’m demiromantic asexual, and it does go into some sexual stuff, so if you don’t want to read it… don’t read it.

I never “forced” myself to have a crush, but I did think “oh this is how everyone feels”

Like in year 6 for the school disco everyone was asking people out and my friends were saying how they had to get a date soon and I was already pretty friendly with the girls and also could see that the “dates” were pretty pointless/meaningless so I just asked out one of the girls I liked (in a platonic way) and when it came to the actual dance we, like everyone else, basically instantly did our own thing.

In high school, year 9 I think, I was really good friends with this one girl, who said she had a crush on me, and I had the thing where I wanted to be closer friends with her and thought “oh so this is what a crush is!” So “went out” with her, but basically nothing changed, so I didn’t really think about it much. But eventually it got pretty bad as she was thinking about it as a relationship and I was thinking about it as “just friends”. I think that was the first time I realised that SOMETHING about me was different, and I think a year later I learnt about asexuality & aromanticism and had that “ohhhhhhhh” moment.

Then after that, in year 11, I got REEEEALLY close to someone, to the point where we literally made out and I was like “it should be normal for friends to kiss that was great”. But after a good few weeks of being intensely close I actually did start to fall in love. They were a pretty sexual person and I started to imagine me… “pleasuring” them, and that was when I thought “maybe I’m not aroace?”, anyway we entered a relationship, it was lovely, but as our relationship became more sexual it became clear that we were different.

This is where it starts to get maybe a bit TMI so if you don’t want to read anything sexual leave now

I would only ever pleasure them, and I never really gave any thought to receiving anything back. But then one day they asked if they could and I was like “sure” and I just… didn’t feel anything? Like I’ve masturbated before it’s not like I’m completely numb or anything but when it was this person that I loved with all my heart and who I had literally just fingered touching me I just didn’t feel anything? Like of course I could feel them but like it wasn’t pleasure or anything it was literally the same sensation as if they had touched my arm or something. Afterwards I said that I’d just prefer to be the one giving and not receive, but if they wanted to give that’d be fine. Like I didn’t HATE it, it was quite fun, the person I love was trying to make me feel good y’know it felt nice, but purely emotionally. Physically it just didn’t feel like anything.

Over time they got “better”, I’d actually feel good instead of literally nothing, but still not enough to actually enjoy or want to do it, and I still only ever did it when they wanted to. A few times they have head and it was alright, but once again it was just kind of… meh. As I said they were a very sexual person, so they didn’t just want to receive but to give too. But the way they said that was that they “felt bad about not doing anything” to which I responded that I didn’t mind at all, I only wanted to make them feel good, so I thought it was fine and they would just appreciate being a “pillow princess” as they put it LOL.

But I do understand WHY they would feel bad, or why they weren’t fulfilled sexually. Because yes, I didn’t care for receiving anything sexual, but I LOVED giving. Genuinely, it was almost addictive. Making the love of your life feel so good was insane. Being able to watch their mind go blank from the pleasure was so much fun. Also it’s really interesting because they had different genitals from me and it was unironically fascinating just looking around and seeing what everything does. One time I was eating them out but stopped because I was curious about the hood of the clitoris, and they got really annoyed at me lol. 10/10, would recommend if you have a partner. I never tried penetration though, so I can’t comment on “actual” sex.

Anyway yeah, if I have a partner in future the ideal would be someone who doesn’t want or doesn’t care to give me any pleasure sexually.

Nowadays I believe I’m Demiromantic Asexual. I very clearly am capable of being romantically attracted to someone, but after being single for a year and even having a squish, I’m confident that I need an intense platonic bond before falling in love. In terms of sexuality, I was in a very sexual relationship with someone who I think is objectively attractive and still thought “eh” when it came to sex so I’m pretty sure I’m asexual, just sex positive/neutral (can’t remember the difference). Maybe one day I’ll go “awooga” and actually be sexually attracted to someone but who knows. For now the label works for me.

[quinnwolfess]

Again with my father?

The topic of me getting a partner came up as the subject of dinner because we were talking about hand foot and mouth disease and kissing. I said that I doubted I'd be kissing anyone any time soon, and my mom understands my aromanticism, but my father doesn't.

Anyways, my father hit me with a "Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet." I ended up walking away from the table after that.

More importantly, how might I be able to explain to him the difference between attraction and interest? Me being romance favorable doesn't make sense to him, so how's a way I can explain my inability to feel attraction?