#songs for when you're bored in the summer time

[quodo-gaysex]

i made a playlist!!!

[justaboutsnapped]

i should make a nico or brocedes playlist with just fall out boy songs it's completely doable and it will be so funny

[mrsmikaelsxn]

A Malfoy And A Potter

masterlist

pairing: draco malfoy x female potter reader

warnings: fluff, kissing

summary: you and draco have been dating in secret but the secret comes out when you two attend the yule ball together

a/n: i am so sorry i have not posted in forever, i've just been busy with school and work, and trying to catch up on my reading goal for the year! it's almost summer break so i should be posting more again :)

song: sleigh ride - the ronettes

You were currently pushed up against the wall by your boyfriend, Draco Malfoy.

His lips roam the smooth skin of your jaw and throat. Peppering you with loving kisses while you play with his hair.

Both of you are breathing heavy and he brings his lips back up to your mouth as he kisses you. You let out a satisfied hum and put your hands on his chest.

You gently push him back a bit and he looks at you. "What's wrong, love?"

"Someone is going to see us," you whisper.

"Hm, well that sucks for them," he grins and kisses you again.

You push him and laugh, "I guess you're right," you smile.

"They're going to see us when we go to the ball tomorrow night, you do know that, don't you?"

"Well of course, I know that!"

Draco pulls you into his chest and rests his head on yours, "If Potter has a problem with you and me tomorrow, I'll be more than happy to practice some hexes on him," he glides his hand along your waist.

"There will be no practicing hexes, Draco," you pick up his hand and kiss it before walking out of his embrace.

"Boring!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby," you squeeze his cheeks. "Anyway, I'll be off to dinner now, you should come too," you start walking to the great hall and he follows you like a lost puppy.

You go in and sit with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. "Hello," you smile at them.

"Hi, Y/n," Hermione smiles.

"Hey, mate," Ron says.

"Greetings," Harry salutes you. You grin and salute him back.

"So, do you all have your dates?" You ask them. You already knew about Hermione's date, of course, you two are like sisters.

"Er- not exactly," Harry replies scratching the back of his neck.

"Same here," Ron sighs and drops his head onto the table. You cover your mouth to stop your laugh when he groans in pain.

"Welp, you two got under a day left," you clasp your hands.

"What about you?" Ron asks, "I've been wondering if you finally picked someone out of the two hundred people who asked you," he says with amusement.

"Oh don't be silly, Ron, it was not two hundred people!"

"Sorry- two hundred and seven," he corrects.

You roll your eyes, but it was true. You four have literally been tallying how many people have asked you, boys and girls. "Well, yes, I have a date."

"Really? Who?" Hermione asks.

"I suppose you'll have to see tomorrow," you exclaim with a smile.

You were in your room getting ready for the ball, slightly panicking. Hermione was already dressed and now helping you. "Y/n, you don't need to be nervous," she says as she helps with your hair.

"I know but-"

"No buts. You are perfect and you dance amazingly! Your date is very lucky," she smiles.

You relax a bit and look at her through the mirror, "Hermione, have I mentioned how much I love you?"

"Yes, yes you have," she takes her wand to finish your hair. You already did your makeup with some of her assistance. She claps her hands in excitement, "I believe it's time for the dress!"

You pick up the beautiful dark green gown. You had bought Draco a matching tie when you picked the dress out.

You put the dress on and flatten out some wrinkles.

"You look stunning!" Hermione squeals.

"You mean that?"

"Of course! Now, let's head to the ball!" Hermione links her arm with yours. You two make your way to the entrance when you start to panic again. For someone as well known and popular as you, you get social anxiety often.

"You go in first, I'm scared," you bite your lip nervously.

She sighs but nods. She gives you a quick smile with a thumbs up before she heads down the stairs and goes to her date, Viktor Krum. You peak through the curtain to watch. Ron's jaw drops when he looks at her and her date. He looks angry and you could almost laugh.

After pacing for two minutes you decided to just go down. You pull the curtain and try to sneak in without being noticed. Unfortunately, things don't always go the way you want.

There were an absurd amount of gasps as you made your way down the stairs, praying to Merlin that you didn't trip in your heels. The gaping gazes of the people there making you even more nervous.

You see Draco talking with his best friend, Blaise Zabini. Draco listens to his friend talk as he waits for you to arrive. He notices his friends eyes widened as his mouth opens a bit.

He furrows his brows and looks to see everyone staring at something. He looks and his eyes land on you. He feels all the air sucked out of him. He admires you and then snaps out of his trance and makes his way over you, who was smiling at him.

He holds out his hand and you place yours in his. He leans down to your ear and whispers, "I hope you know how ethereal you look, sweetheart," he pulls back and you blush. Another round of gasps fill the room and you hear a, "WHAT?!" You look over and see Harry rushing over to you two, "I- what in Merlin's name are you doing with Malfoy?!"

"Um, he's my date," you say.

Harry's jaw drops as his head goes back between the two of you. You laugh and shake your head.

Draco pulls on your hand, "I would appreciate a dance with my girlfriend while you continue gaping," he places his hand on your lower back and walks you to where people started to dance.

"GIRLFRIEND??!!"

[french-goodbye]

please never fall in love again

pairing: steve harrington x reader

summary: dating steve harrington is hard, especially when girls keep hitting on him.

notes: i wrote this a while ago but eventually forgot about it in the midst of all my wips lol. title from the song please never fall in love again by ollie mn.

you stare at the back of your boyfriend's head with narrowed eyes and your chin resting on your hands, an anger you know you shouldn't be feeling boiling beneath the surface of your skin. he, of course is none the wiser, as he is to most things, just chatting with eddie completely carefree by the bar.

you love steve harrigton, you really do. you think you fell in love with him on your first date and never really fell out of it. you've already planned your whole life with him, from getting married and having kids to growing old with him and sitting side by side on a wrap around porch. he's sweet, kind, he's great with kids and it doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes and great in bed.

his biggest flaw, however, is not exactly his fault. the worst thing about dating steve harrigton is the amount of women who hit on him on a daily basis. whether it's old ladies at the grocery store telling him he looks like their dead husbands or bored soccer moms looking for a little thrill or, the worst of all, the girls your age who slip him their phone number in old receipts over the counter at family video. these women are always there, like blood sniffing sharks, somehow finding a way to make a suggestive comment or a flirty joke.

most of the time, it doesn't really bother you even when it does happen in front of you. steve's the kind of guy who'd never cheat on you, simply because of who he is and how obsessed with you he is. sometimes, however, they can get a little too close and personal and you can't help but wish steve was a little less attractive. just a little.

and it's not that you don't trust him either, he's always quick and firm to shut them down when it happens. it's that they're the ones you don't trust, the girls with big permed blonde hair and fake tans and bright pink lipstick who look at you disdainfully when they realize you're together because they can barely take their eyes off of him for long enough to notice you're standing right next to him.

you're out at a bar celebrating jonathan's birthday when it happens this time, steve and eddie having offered to get everyone another round, the two of them leaning against the bar talking while they wait when a girl from the booth in the corner approaches them. she's clearly a little bit more than tipsy and obviously focused on steve as she talks to them, avidly taking him in and resting her hand on his forearm. he doesn't even blink, just smoothly leans away from her and tells her something that makes her leave as fast as she arrived.

you can barely hear nancy as she complains about her male coworkers on her summer job, as you heatedly stare at his stupidly nice hair and broad shoulders as your boyfriend laughs at something eddie said, hand scratching his neck. you're still watching him with scrunched eyebrows and a sour expression when you feel robin poking your cheek, making you look at her and gently slap her hand away.

"why are you poking me?"

"why are you staring at steve like he kicked your puppy?" she asks, frowning, looking back and forth between the two of you like a tennis match.

"i'm not" she gives you a flat look with raised brows. "fine," you huff. "why do women always hit on him? we can't take him anywhere"

"no idea, you tell me"

"urgh" you groan, throwing your arms around her and resting your head on her shoulder. "god, i hate men"

"amen sister" you hang onto her for a second as she takes a noisy sip of her empty drink through her straw and taps your back sympathetically a few times before gently pushing you away as steve and eddie walk back to your table, drinks in hands and still chatting distractedly.

she softly claps her hands, enthusiastically and telling you a quiet "yay" as she turns back to nancy and jonathan, as the two argue wether or not their coworkers are sexist (they totally are).

you're still laughing at robin's drunken antics when steve comes to your side again and sets your new drink on the table in front of you, resting his hand on your lower back. you let him but when he leans over you to press a kiss to your hair, you promptly dodge away from him and out of his reach. from the corner of your eye, you can see how he frowns at that and silently watches you for a second as you pretend to listen to what nancy says.

his hand on your lower back climbs all the way up to the back of your neck so he turn your head his away, forcing you to look at his big brown eyes staring at you like you just kicked his puppy and you almost feel guilty. almost.

"what's wrong?" he asks.

you shrug, "nothing's wrong."

"are you mad at me or something?"

"no" you slowly shake your head in negative, shrugging.

"gimme a kiss then" he rests one of his hands on your face tilting your head his way while the other on your neck guides your face to his. you lean in and press a quick kiss to his cheek and look away, accidentally making eye contact with the girl who just hit on him. she's watching the two of you, quickly looking away when she notices she was caught staring.

"you saw that, huh" he tells you, hands settling on your waist instead so he can look at you.

"hard not to" you huff, picking invisible lint from your pants.

"then you know nothing happened"

"of course i know that, i trust you" you complain as you roll your eyes and gesticulate to show your frustration "but i-it just makes so insanely angry when they touch you like that, like they have any right to-" you stop your ranting mid sentence when you realize the look on his face. "what? why are you looking at me like that?"

"nothing" he clears his throat and looks down to uselessly smooth non existing wrinkles on your top. you watch him though narrowed eyes and gasp when it hits you, making him look at you again. "what?"

"you like it when i'm jealous" you accuse, lightly poking his chest.

"no, i don't"

"yes, you do. i can't believe i never noticed it before" you huff an incredulous laugh, remembering all the times girls hit on him in front of you and he said nothing but affirmations of how much he's in love with you and how he could never want somebody else, acting more attentive and affectionate than usual later, pressing you against his body and kissing kissing kissing you until he was the only thing on your mind.

"okay, it's not what you're thinking" he replies running a hand through his hair nervously.

"what am i thinking, harrington?" you ask, lifting one eyebrow as a smirk makes it's way to your lips.

"it's not an ego thing" you laugh softly at him, letting your fingers run soothingly through the hair at the nape of his neck, finally giving into the temptation to get your hands on him. "it's just- i like knowing how much you want me just for yourself, how much you care about me."

you stare at him for a moment, taking in his sincere brown eyes and his fluffy hair, feeling impossibly endeared by the boy in front of you. he fidgets under your stare, so you smooth your hands down his shoulders, feeling the muscles underneath his shirt.

"well, i do care... a lot" you tell him, pretending to be coy and batting your eyelashes at him. "but it's not like i blame her"

"what?" he looks at you blankly, confused.

"i mean, look at you" you pull him closer and then closer still, still smirking. "those nice brown eyes, the pretty hair, those shoulders... nevermind how much of a charmer you are. damn harrington, no wonder women keep throwing themselves at you."

"babe" he groans embarrassedly, "they're not throwing themselves-" he dramatically drops his forehead on your shoulder making you laugh at his discomfort, letting brown strands of hair slip through your fingers as you comfortingly pet his hair and he squeezes your waist in reprimand.

"it's true!"

he pulls you closer by the grip he has on your waist and burrows his face in the crook of your neck in lieu of an answer. you let him have it even though you would like to see his face and the way his blush is probably spreading from his cheek to his neck and rest your chin into his shoulder as you hug him.

"but one of these days i'll have to step in and defend your honor"

"please don't" he pulls away and cups your neck, thumbs brushing your cheek and staring at you disapprovingly, his eyelashes touching at the corners, the hint of a smile still on his face.

"i don't know, maybe i'll have to challenge them to a duel to the death" you disagree and look at him from under your eyelashes. he gives you an affectionate look that'd make you nauseous were it not directed at you and presses a long lingering kiss to your lips.

"shut up" he whispers against your lips. you gladly do, at least until eddie and robin start throwing balled up paper napkins at your head. it's worth it though.

[xqueen-of-disasterx]

Keeping it quiet

Paring: Innocent!reader × dads!friend!Nat

Summery: You looked lonely Natasha could fix that

Warnings: SMUT, (legal) age gap, amab!nat, oral, fingering, p in v, pet names, implied aftercare, secret relationship, breeding kink, unprotected sex, no use of Y/N

Word count: 1.2k

!Disclaimer English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar or spelling errors. This story is completely fictional!

AN: sorry for the long wait but here I am

Masterlist

Today was supposed to be a normal BBQ like your family had had so often in this warm summer months but ever since your father invited his collegue over to join something changed. Ever since you met Natasha Romanoff about 3 months back you couldn't stop thinking about her. She might have been old enough to be your mother and a friend of your father but you couldn't denie the fact that you were attracted to her like flies to the light. She was a true charmer excatly knowing what to say and to do. You never felt uncomfortable around her even though she blatanly flited with you. Her touch somehow always lingering on your skin when the two of you were alone. It was only a matter of time until you ended in Natashas bed legs widely spread as she savoured your taste. So the time flew sneaking around your parents watch as you kept your illicent affair hidden falling head over heals for the older woman. Today was one of those days where Nat came over to your parents place and just couldn't keep her hands of you.

Like always Natashas steps were light on the cold tiles of the french villa your family owned. Sometimes you thought she was an actual spy. You didn't hear her standing in the kitchen in skimpy clothing preparing something for dinner as you mindlessly hummed along whatever Taylor Swift song was currently on the radio. "What are you doing bunny" She sneaked up behind you pressing her front into your back her crotch againt the swell of your ass. "Just doin' a salad you know" She humped checking out the area to see if your parents were around before doing anything further. Her hands came up to your hips pulling your behind harder against her crotch. "Natty please" you whined as she smirked pressing her nose against your neck smelling the expensive perfume she had gotten you. "We can't not here" your breathing was heavy uneven "What if my parents see?"

"They're in the garden trust me bunny" She whispered her strong hands trialling up your sides to your chest. Even though your body was betraying you leaning into her touch seemingly begging for more you couldn't give in just yet. You wanted to show her how you infact could be stronger than your most animalistic thoughts. "Natasha not now" she groaned into her hear making you feel the wettnes betwen your owm legs. "Fuck bunny I can't wait to feel your tight little pussy pulsing around me begging me to let you cum. And then after you had your sweet sweet release I'm gonna breed you're dripping with my cum" she whispered into your ear before pushing herself from the counter leaving into the garden. Of course she wouldn't actually get you pregnant you where on the pill and you weren't sure if she was even fertile. It was more of her kink she had explained to you.

The rest of the night you two kept your play up. Acting asif you couldn't care less what the other was doing in front of your parents. Still you couldn't help but admire her beautiful features as she had some boring converstaion with your father about politics or what ever. What really interested you would be the time spend between the sheets with her as she would show you all her passions and desires. After what seemed like hours you finally snuck your way into the guest room. She was spread wide on the comfortable mattress only wearing a wifebeater and her chequered boxers. "There's my bunny eh" she turned her head towards you as you made your way over to the bed swinging your hips . You sat down deside you before turning to kiss you roughly slipping her tongue into your mouth as you shifted to strangle her waist feeling her growing erection as you rolled your hips against her crotch.

"Fuck Bunny" she breathed out as she gripped onto your hips stilling you in place. "let me get you ready first" she whispered flipping you to lay under her as she kissed your neck down reamoving your cami top in the process. She took on nipple in her mouth slightly sucking on it before her big hand started playing with your other nipple rubbing over it. You let out quiet whippers as she switched sides. After what she deemed to be enough attention to your chest she kissed her way down to your panties nibbling on the skin of your hips. She made sure to leave hickeys in her way. You tried your best go keep it quiet but when Nat did her thing it was hard. Natasha kissed your clit through the soaked through panties pulling them down only to revel your sticky heat.

She made a bold lick from the end of your pussy right up your puffy clit swirling her trained tongue around the erected nub. Her scarlet lips attached to your clit sucking on it making you cry out as you tried to close your legs around her head but she kept them spread. She slowly inserted two of her long fingers into your clenching hole as you quietly cried out for mor and more. Natasha moved her fingers roughly and fast not giving you time to adjust. "Fuck your so tight" she groaned pumping her fingers even faster. “Natty ‘m close so close“ You felt your release close enough to grab but then Nat pulled her dripping fingers from your heat leaving you high and dry. “W-What?” You mumbled out opening your eyes again only to see Natasha smirking down at you “I want some fun too honey“ she smirked flipping you to your knees pushing your hips up as you arched your back showing off both your tight holes to her.

You heard her removing her boxers she already was rock hard for you her reddened tip leaking with pre cum as she expertly spits on her shaft spreading the slick over it. She moved closer pushing her tip to you clit enjoying the sight of you bucking your hips desperately trying to find your pleasure. “Ngh Tasha please” you begged making her listen slowly pushing in making you gasp at the feeling of being stretched out like that. She gave you time to quickly adjust before picking up pace fucking you hard and rough as she had a death grip on your hips. You couldn’t care less about the bruises as you pushed your face into the pillow muffling your sounds. With Natasha whimpers and the sound of skin slapping your moans filled the hot summer night air hoping your parents couldn’t hear you.

You kept clenching down on Nat she grabbed onto your shoulders. “Fuck ‘m gonna breed that little pussy ngh… I’m gonna make you so full of my cum“ you whined out before the coil in your stomach snapped and you came hard Natasha following soon releasing her white seed deep inside your whomp. She proceeded to help you through your orgasm even cleaning you up before cuddling you to sleep her arms tightly around your smaller body.

:)

[norrisleclercf1]

You’re My Love Story

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Horner!Reader

Rating: PG-13

Words: 2.9K

Requested: Yes/No

Warnings: Time Jumps, Angst, Fluff, Christian Horner is an ass in this, Gerri is team you and Charles, Happy Ending, I promise

A/N: I've been listening to my favorite Taylor Swift songs a lot while I study and couldn't help but put each one to a driver, this one is for Charles

Poll Winner

Synopsis: Love Stories are meant to be heartbreaking, but would yours be the opposite?

2014, Ages: 17 and 16

You hated these parties, boring and stuffy. You're forced to wear a dress far too fancy for your taste, but your mother just wanted you to look nice. A party in the Monaco summer air had you wishing you could be swimming in the ocean than smiling and faking remembrance of people you don't know.

Your father was moving from person to person, shaking hands, laughing at crude jokes that had your mother giving him multiple looks. He's quick to stop, clearing his throat as he introduces you.

"My daughter, Y/N Horner. Sweetie, this is-" You zone out, giving a picturesque smile and faking interest in the conversation. "Mama, can I go take a breather? It's hot in the dress." You whisper. Firey hair turns, giving you her approval and whispering for you to not go far. "I won't, just on the balcony." Pointing to the double doors open, exposing the sparkling lights of Monte Carlo.

Floating through the crowd, stepping out on the balcony, you suck in the tinge of cold air clinging to the night. Your posture drops when you don't feel your mother's eyes on you, leaning over the railing. Laughter draws your attention to the people below as they dance around each other, talking loudly and freely.

Your heart yearns for that to be you, to escape this place and have some real fun. But, your father would refuse, saying you had to uphold your family name. The name, you sometimes hated being a Horner. Anytime someone would hear that last name, it was always followed by the same question.

"You're Christian Horner's daughter? Team Principle of Red Bull?" Like a broken record, you smile, nod, and give the infamous one-liner back. "Yes, and I fully support the F1 Team. They're definitely going to win." Everyone getting hyped hearing those words.

And why wouldn't they? You had the ultimate powerhouse Sebastian Vettel and the up-and-coming Australian driver Daniel Ricciardo. Speaking of which, turning around your eyes and scan the crowd, not hearing the familiar groups of laughter around Daniel.

Not seeing Daniel, you notice a boy make his way through the crowd instead. He was new. You could tell from how no one talked to him, say a few people but not enough for him to be somebody. His suit was nice, hair stringy as he looked around before darting onto the balcony with you.

"Oh, hello." His eyes widened, finally noticing that he wasn't alone out here. "Hi." Giving a curt answer and moving to leave. "Wait, you don't have to leave!" His hand grabs your wrist, making you turn, shocked that someone would touch you.

"Sorry." Hand-dropping as he fidgets, you clock in quick that he has never done something like this. "Have you ever been to one of these parties?" Hazel-green eyes pinch, hating that it was noticeable. "No," He trails off, playing with a ring on his finger. "Okay, yes. I'm a driver. But, just for Formula Renault. I'm driving for a British team called Fortec Motorsports," He looks up, sees your bored face, and sighs. "And you clearly don't care." Huffing, he leans on the railing missing your growing smile.

Laughing, you move closer. "No, I know the team. Daddy talks about all the younger teams all the time." The boy looks at you, his body more relaxed as he smiles. "Really? If you're here, you must be a daughter of a retired driver or worker, right?" He asks, teasing you.

Instead, you feel that familiar dread. Does he know who you are? Pretending to approach you and be nice just to meet your father? It won't surprise you if that is true.

"Yeah, I am." Back straight, wrapping yourself back in that perfect media daughter cover. "Oh, that's cool. My godfather is a driver. Made me come along and try to mingle. You see how well it's going. You're the first person to actually talk to me." Your heart picks up, seeing that smile directed at you.

The two of you talk away the rest of the night; laughter and blushes pass between you. Only for your bubble to be popped when your father's voice cuts through.

"Y/n? Are you ready to le-" You and the boy jump back, having been very close. Looks of guilt on both your faces have your father freezing. "Y/n, go to your mother now." Voice stern, no room for argument. With a nod, head down, you slip past your father. "Wait! I didn't tell you my name; I'm Charles. Charles Leclerc." A blush spreads over your cheeks, seeing that heart-stopping smile again.

"Nice to meet you, Charles. I'm Y/n Horner." Your introduction is ended when your father grabs your arm, dragging you away from Charles, the balcony boy.

2017, Ages 20 & 19

"Charles, stop throwing pebbles." Giggles as you poke your head out the window, seeing a red and white shirt in the dark. "What? You weren't answering my texts." He whispers, yelling up to your window. "I was studying. Shouldn't you be getting ready for your last F2 race?" Leaning out the window, your heart still beating fast in your chest, seeing that smile.

"Wanted to see you." He admits, scanning the wall, trying to figure a way up to you. "Charles, if Daddy knows you're here, we're dead." It's been 3 years since you met Charles on that balcony and 1 year since your father gave you strict order for Charles to stay away from you.

At that time, the two of you couldn't stay apart. Your mother caught you more than once sneaking out. With a smile, she'd just nod, kiss you on the cheek and tell you to be careful. "So? I wanted to tell you some exciting news. So, you either come down here, or I come up." Dropping your head, you have to cover your laughter. "Wait." He nods, watching the outline of your body dip back in the window.

You curse as the bedroom door creeks, and you whisper that you'll get it fixed. The hallway plunged into darkness, with no light from your parent's bedroom. Score. Sliding out of the doorway, you tiptoe like clouds are under your feet. On the steps, your body freezes when a step groans under pressure.

Taking a moment to ensure no one woke you wait before darting down the hallway to the kitchen's back door. Charles jumps, worried that it's your father, but instead, you close the door and stop staring at one another.

"Hello." Smiles pull on both your lips, darting forward. He opens his arms gathering you in them. "Hi." You gasp, arms and legs wrapped tight around him. "I've missed you." You don't need to repeat it back, kissing him as a way to say it. Smiling, he kisses you back, but it ends earlier, pulling a slight whine of protest out of you.

"I'm driving for Sauber next year." The words have your brain stutter to a stop. Sauber? As in the Formula 1 Sauber team? "What?" He chuckles, putting you down, and looking at you, his smile drops. "Oh my god, Charles. That's….I'm so proud of you." The two of you mold into each other as Charles tells you everything.

You laugh, seeing him so happy, something he's needed for a long time. Finally able to uphold his promise to his father so long ago. A light in a window flicks on, having you two freeze. "Fuck, that's my parent's room. Go!" You whisper yell. Charles scales the garden wall, stopping as he leans, kissing you. "See you on the track." Dropping down the wall, lips tingling.

But you have to forget that, rushing back into the house quick and quiet steps and into your room. Placing yourself back at your desk, studying. A knock has you jumping, your father's head poking in. "I heard something? Are you okay?" Faking concern, you knew he was suspicious from how his eyebrows knitted together, and eyes were drawn.

"Yep, all good." Trying to hide your hard breathing, he looks over you before disappearing and clicking your door closed.

2019 Ages 21 & 20

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!" Something slams on the table, flinching. You try hard not to look up. You'll only be met with articles and newspapers of you and Charles kissing. Your father's furious face, your mother's worried one. That's all you'll see if you look up.

"Christian, you need to calm down. She's an adult." Your mother tries to reason, but he refuses to see reason. "I told you AND him to stay away from each other. And did you LISTEN? NO!" He roars. Tears slip down your face, and hurried hands wipe them away. "I love him." A confession you haven't even said to him.

"Love him? You love him? He's the enemy, Y/n. How could you betray me? This family? The team?" Each word is a stab to your heart, just wanting to run away into Charles's arms. "I'm sorry, Daddy. But I do. I love him!" Head whipping up, you meet your father's eyes. Yours blurry from the tears running down. He just shakes his head.

"If you ever see him again. I'm shipping you back to London, where you'll never see him again. Understand?" Voice steady, he was past angry. Now in the stage of silent fury. "Answer your father, Y/n." Gasping on a sob, you nod, stumbling out of the chair and rushing upstairs.

You knew time had passed when your Mama knocked on the door, the sun dipping into the sea. "Y/n?" A sniffle is the only reply you can give her. Throat and eyes are raw from all the crying you've done.

"Sweetie, he's here to see you." Sitting up, you are shocked and scared by those words. "Your father isn't here. Had business to attend to." She leaves your door cracked. All you can see is her red hair bouncing down the stairs.

Checking the mirror, you know it's pointless trying to fix yourself as you head downstairs. His back is to you, staring out the door that gives you a look at the Monaco docks filled with fancy boats.

"Charles?" Voice cracks, and he turns, wearing sunglasses. He doesn't even remove them to look at you. "I was told by everyone that we need to call this off." White noise fills buzzes in your ears, tears all gone, you just slip down the steps sitting on them.

"Don't, not you too. Please, don't." Charles flinches, unable to read him properly, his sunglasses blocking all his emotions. "Y/n," His own voice breaks. He has to clear his throat, keeping a reasonable distance. Charles knew if he stepped forward, he'd gather you up and never let go. "Please don't go. Charles, you can't. I'll leave. I'll go with you. We can…we can run away and never look back. Let's just run. I can't keep being told how I'm supposed to feel." Eyes burn, and tears drip down your cheeks.

"I love you. I love you, Charles Leclerc." Sunglasses taken off, he pinches his eyes, trying to keep his tears at bay. "We can't. I'm sorry, Y/n." The front door opens and closes. "Oh, oh god." You sob, holding your chest. "Y/n? Oh, my baby." You bury your head in your knees, not wanting to hear your mother's voice.

Current, Ages 26 & 25

"Are you okay?" If you could groan out loud right now, you would. It was thoughtful the first couple of times your mother asked, but now it was annoying you. "Mama, for the last time. I'm fine; my faith in us ever getting back together is long gone." You hiss, watching Charles with fans from the Red Bull hospitality.

"I was sure you two would get back together. Neither of you have dated since that day. Also, I think me kicking your father out for that month taught him a lesson." A chuckle passes your lips, painfully pulling your eyes away from Charles. "Yes, I think it did." She smiles, sipping on her tea.

A small wave to someone, you're too busy to look up, worried Charles would see you staring. "Who are you waving at now?" Your Mama is a social butterfly, always chatting and waving at someone. "Charles." She replies.

Eyes bludging, you whip around, seeing Charles still in the same spot. Eyes locking, the two of you look away at the same time. "Pity, you should go talk to him. You're clearly still in love with him."

"MAMA!" You gasp. She shrugs her shoulder, lifting her teacup to her lips and sipping. "Don't deny it. I know you cheered for him like crazy last year." Cheeks red, you grumble how you were just glad he was doing well.

"Okay, but he's staring at you. Again." You knew he was. Whenever his eyes are on you, your body heats up. Basically glows under his watch, cursing that you still loved him so much. "Oh, he's gone. Guess you can leave now." With a silent thanks, you leave the safety of the hospitality, walking back to your apartment.

The walk is longer than expected. Streets shut down in Monte Carlo due to the race. You can't help but shake the feeling someone is following you. With a slight turn, you notice many people behind you, all wearing regular clothes to Formula 1 gear. "Going crazy." You turn and pop out using a shortcut, slamming into a body.

"Ow, watch where you're going." Snapping, you lock eyes with the person, and blood runs cold. The last time you saw his eyes this close was years ago. You even forgot the exact color of his eyes. Honey green.

"Y/n." He breathes. That stupid heart-stopping smile is still the same, at least. "Excuse me, I have to go." He body blocks you, making sure you don't leave. "Don't go." Hearing those two words, you're pulled back to the memory of when you said that same exact thing to him.

"I'm sorry, I can't." Throwing his own words in his face. This time no sunglasses to hide the sorrow in his eyes. "I love you, I still love you." He confesses. "I had to walk away. I just joined Ferrari. Your father was making my life hell on and off the track. He said if I didn't stop seeing you, he'd make sure I'd lose the seat. Fuck, it was so stupid to pick a fucking seat over you. But all I could think about was my father, Jules, and you. I thought you'd be better without me. God, was I wrong." A sharp turn on your heel, you stare at him.

"Do you have any idea how lonely I've been? That I lost my best friend and the love of my life in one go? I shipped myself back to London to finish school cause everywhere I looked, you were there. Yet, with new faces, places, and everything else, I still looked and craved for you. My dumbass even thought you'd come running after me? But that was all in my head." Charles shakes his head no.

"I did come after you, but your fucking father found me and the ring and told me you hated me. Never wanted to see me again, so I flew back. I didn't learn how you still felt until 2 months ago. Gerri is a talker when drunk." You try to follow his words, but the word ring is all you can stay on. "And she was drunk, spilled everything to me. How you fell apart, kicking your father out for a month. All of it. Grew some balls and went to your father, talked to him, and told him I would marry you with or without his permission." Taking deep breaths, he calms down, leaving you two in silence.

"You have a ring?" He nods, pulling out a little black box. "I carry it with me everywhere." Neither of you says anything as you just stare at the box. "Ask me."

"What?" Eyes wide as you smile, eyes watery. "Ask me to marry you. Please?" He laughs, dropping his head. He gets down to one knee on the empty Monte Carlo street. "Y/n Horner, will you marry me?"

Laughing, you nod. They're happy tears as he slips the ring on your finger this time. "Yes, my balcony boy." His own laughter filled the quiet street.

2024 Ages 27 & 26

"Y/n? Come on, don't be late for our wedding rehearsal!" You smile, blinking out of the memories as you stare at that ugly dress you wore the first time you met Charles.

"Coming!" You stare at your rehearsal dress. A white dress hanging off the door. One dress you wore when you met the love of your life, the other you'd be wearing to promise yourself to him forever.

This was a love story that survived.

Turning, he stops fidgeting with his watch, mouth open. "Is that? Woah." He gasps, seeing you wearing the same dress he first meet you in.

"Yep, had it altered like crazy, but bringing back memories?" Charles can only nod as he moves to your side, kissing you.

"We were both so young when I first saw you." He whispers, kissing you again. "And I'm going to ensure we're never apart again." Placing a kiss on your ring.

[perfectlyoongi]

BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who slow dances with you when the moon is high and your house is deep into comfortable darkness. illuminated by the intense light that emanated from an open and forgotten refrigerator, Hoseok's hands rested on your body, already sculpted by your figure, lulling you into a silent melody that filled your kitchen and warmed your hearts. “next time, let’s dance to the song that i will create just for the two of us.”

BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who tries to hide his face every time you compliment him. your words always left Hoseok shy, his heart wrapped in a comforting veil of reassurance and passion, having no other option than to hide his rosy face out of embarrassment, the smile that you only saw at a glance being an extension of his happiness. “okay, okay, i got! you can stop now, please. i don’t have a mirror with me to reflect all these compliments, it’s not fair.”

BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who has a self-care night with you at least once a month. facial masks, massages on your shoulders and back, your favorite snacks accompanied by your favorite movie, Hoseok made sure that, for at least one night, all your doubts and tribulations didn't stain your mind with the negativity of the world. “just relax for today, yea? the world can wait a few hours for you. focus on taking care of yourself first before taking care of others.”

BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who likes to see you comfortable on long car rides; Hoseok always has an extra pair of sunglasses in his car during summer and a gloves in the winter to make sure that you were comfortable while he took you to a cabin that already knew your names during long weekends. “i knew you would forget. open the glove compartment, you have everything you need there, my flower.”

BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who randomly kisses you in different places on your face because he simply loves you. Hoseok always kissed you when he thought you were most beautiful: when you were distracted with chores or focused on something you liked, when you spoke passionately about things or when you drowsily shared the dream you had that night — Hoseok just loved you. “you were too beautiful not to show that i love you. it’s your fault.”

BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who feeds the stray animals on your street with you. it doesn't matter if you were on vacation or too tired; every morning and before the moon reached the sky, you and Hoseok walked down your street, leaving little treats along the walkway, the various cats and dogs enjoying your food and affection. “one day i will convince you to adopt one of these animals and that will be the day we start our family.”

BOYFRIEND!HOSEOK who said he loved you on a calm winter night while a boring movie was playing on television. wrapped in a fluffy blanket, in each other's arms, Hoseok fell in love with your television-lit skin and the way your eyes had a shine only equivalent to the stars — it was impossible not to confess. “you are always reminding me why i love you. you're incredible, really. damn, i love you so much!”

[moonsgemini]

you’re on your own kid

summary: rafe cameron has loved his best friend through every season, but through the seasons of their senior year things start to get complicated.

warning: she/her, smoking, alcohol, angst, fluff, kissing, cheating ???, drugs, mutual pining, (let me know if I missed any)

wc: 4.7k

an: HIII! I’m really excited for these taylor swift fics bc her songs give me so many ideas. This took a while for me to finish & idk if I like the ending or honestly if I like it at all. I promise seeking arrangements is next on my list to post <3 Hope you guys enjoy !!!

rafe's version masterlist - masterlist

I wait patiently

he’s gonna notice me

it’s okay we’re the best of friends

-

summer

Of course when he walks in the party instantly feels like an actual party. It hadn’t been much of a party to her especially not with him around. These things got boring fast if he wasn’t by her side making her laugh and talking about anything and everything. Not having to worry about sleazy guys coming up to her or putting something in her drink because he always by her side. Always looking out.

Everybody loves him anyways. The way he carried himself charmed everyone, made them always want to have his attention. Sunglasses perched on his nose, even though it’s eleven at night, that big smile on his face. He’s bobbing his head to the music and greeting everyone, she can tell he’s in a good mood tonight. It puts her in a good mood, her fingers itching to greet him already.

When he finally reaches where she’s standing with a few of her friends he smiles even wider at her. Greeting everyone but always just looking at her. Moving to push his glasses up onto his head. She couldn’t help the smile that tuged at her lips as he side hugs her friends knowing that’s not what she’s going to get.

And she’s right, once he gets to her it’s all outstretched arms and gentle rocking as he hugs her tightly. She’s been away at her grandparents house in florida for the last week of summer. They had missed each other. Face times and text messages just didn’t feel like enough.

“You’re finally back,” He said once they pulled away.

She rolled her eyes playfully a teasing smile on her lips, “Were you counting down the days Cameron?”

He shrugged, “Maybe, I know you were.” That grin never leaving his lips.

“Now come on,” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders beginning to lead her to the kitchen of whoever’s house this was, “I need a drink and you need to tell me about Florida.”

“I already told you everything every day Rafe. Just sat out by the pool or on the beach,” She motioned towards her body, “got some new clothes.”

He raised his eyebrows eyeing her body, “Some very tiny clothes,” His eyes took in her mini skirt and tank top all the exposed skin doing something to him, “Any guys out there?” He didn’t look at her as he asked. Instead he grabbed a beer out of the fridge, cracking it open with his back to her.

She scoffed, “Florida boys? No thanks.”

He turned around smirking, “So just North Carolina boys for you?”

There was a look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite read. Every now and then he’d give it to her and her mind would spiral on what he could be thinking. She always hoped it was the same thing she was, “Mhmm only North Carolina boys.”

-

I hear it in your voice

You're smoking with your boys

I touch my phone as if it's your face

I didn't choose this town

I dream of getting out

There's just one who could make me stay

-

fall

Everything had felt boring lately. After the summer and after the start of senior year she felt like the parties in outer banks were a waste of time. It was always the same people doing the same things. Kids too young to know what’s good for them and too young to care about the consequences of their actions. Not a care in the world knowing mommy or daddy would get you out of whatever stupid decision you made.

She’d spent most of her high school career pretending to like parties and drinking. Even tried coke once but it made her feel like her brain was rotting so never again. When in reality she’d rather be home smoking on her balcony reading a good book or hanging out with her close friends around a bonfire. It was exhausting always having to put up a front that she was this social party girl.

It took her a long time to come to the realization that she didn’t have to be what people thought of her. On figure eight it felt like everyone knew your business and everyone thought they knew you. They start seeing you at parties talking to Rafe Cameron and all of a sudden you’re some party girl with a drug problem. Once people found out Rafe quit doing coke and dealing she just became the party girl. Kook prince and kook princess always stuck to each others sides, of course she was going go gain a reputation.

Once she realized that people are going to talk regardless what she did so she stopped caring. Started staying home more. Rafe kind of hated it. Because she wasn’t there anymore. But he made it work with their busy senior schedules. Always saying he can make time for his best friend. That’s what she was. His best friend.

best friend.

Even saying it in her head made her cringe. If only he knew that she wanted something more so badly. At first she didn’t even see him that way, he truly was a great friend. He listened to all her rants about music, school, books. Rafe paid attention, he was soft with her. She didn’t understand why people always said bad things about him because he never showed those sides to her.

She sighed thinking about him, sitting on her balcony. The thought of him was brought on by everyone’s instagram stories of the party currently happening. She had opted for one of those smoke on the balcony with a good show or book nights.

As she scrolled through her phone more it began to vibrate. Rafe’s contact popping up on the top of the screen. A warm feeling spread through her stomach, maybe it was just because of the weed. She pressed the green button and brought the phone up to her ear. Admiring the little picture of him first, it was one she took right before she had left for florida. He was holding up their friends dog with a big smile on his face.

“Hello?”

“Heyyy,” A raspy voice said on the other line. Immediately she knew he had been smoking as well, probably with all the guys outside. He could even still be passing the joint around. He could also be smoking a cigarette outside after he’s gotten a buzz, it was his favorite thing to do after a few beers.

She put the laptop that was resting on her to the side, bringing her knees up to her chest. Leaning her head to the side on her knees she smiled softly, “Hi Rafe, you rang?”

He can hear her smile. Rafe knows her like the back of his hand.

“I did, what are you up to?” He knows exactly what she’s doing tonight even though she didn’t even tell him.

The wide grin on her lips dulling slightly, “Uh just looking at some schools in california, also watching new girl.”

“Still wanna leave this place huh?”

She let out a breathy laugh picking at the thread on her bench, “You know me too well.”

“Of course I do. I’m coming over,” She could hear him walking on gravel.

“My parents are asleep Rafe,” It was almost one in the morning and her parents had some golf charity event early in the morning.

He laughed amused, “Okay? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s supposed to mean you have to climb up to my room on the second floor or stay at that party,” Her tone was stern not wanting him to get her in trouble but also praying he’ll come and not wake them.

“Hey I gotta convince you to stay close to me after high school so you brought this on yourself,” He was walking to her house. She didn’t live too far from where this party was and he didn’t want to drive after smoking and drinking. At his words her hand tightened around her phone closing her eyes for a second imagining he was there saying that to her but in a different context.

Rafe didn’t have to do anything to convince her. He was the only one who kept her here. It was why she was still mulling over the idea of leaving the outer banks.

“You better at least be bringing a joint for us,” She sighed feeling giddy about him coming over. He always made her feel like a school girl with a big crush on the cutest boy in school.

“Already had one with your name on it babe,” He always threw that word around like it meant nothing. It meant everything to her.

They bid their goodbyes as Rafe was a few houses away. Less than ten minutes later she heard rustling under her. Rafe was climbing the tree by her room. He stepped onto the ledge before getting hoping down.

“Rafe,” She shushed him harshly hoping her dad didn’t hear. His heavy feet landing with a thud.

He looked at her with a smirk, “oops.” He shrugged not really caring if he was loud. Grabbing her legs that were laid out on the bench and sat down placing them on top. One hand on her shin and the other right above her knee.

He leaned his head back looking at her. That contagious grin on his face his eyes hooded and a bit red from his night out, “So ms. I wanna run away. What’s this thing you’re trying to escape,”

She sighed leaning back, “Dunno. I guess everything. I want to start somewhere new, it’s hard when people think they know everything about you.”

He let out a short laugh, “Yeah tell me about it. Maybe we should escape together, I think you’re the only person who doesn’t see a douche bag when they look at me.”

Her heart burst. If they were in a cartoon there’d be hearts swirling around her head and violins playing.

She shook her head smiling, “No one sees you as a douche bag,” She smirked, “anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter because the family company will be mine after college and people will see that I’m more than just a pretty face with a bad attitude,” He smirked.

“You are a pretty face with a bad attitude,” She agreed before holding her hand out, “Also you have something for me no?”

He patted her legs, “How could I ever think you forgot.”

They smoked and talked all night. She put on a movie on her laptop but it was more of background noise. At almost four in the morning she started to drift off to sleep and soon she was asleep on Rafe’s lap. She just felt so comfortable and warm with his hand rubbing circles on her shoulder.

He carried her to her bed and tucked her in because he knew she got cold easily. He sat next to her on the bed and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. A small smile on his face, these were the nights he cherished with her. When the world felt so quiet that it seemed like they were the only people existing. No interruptions from their friends or their parents.

Just him and his girl.

-

I search the party of better bodies

Just to learn that you never cared

-

winter

She pushed through the crowd of people while scanning the room for the 6’2 man she was meeting. It was the first party she had come to since summer and she was only there because he had begged her to come. It was a christmas sweater party so she had on a red sweater with kittens playing with presents. She had gotten it with Rafe a week ago at a vintage store, it was the whole reason he even brought up this party. Telling her it’d be the perfect place to wear it to.

Spotting her friend Emma she went up to her, “Hey have you seen Rafe? he hasn’t been answering me.”

“I swear I saw him going to the bathroom like a few minutes ago,” She pointed towards the hallway.

“Thanks,” She waved and walked towards the hall.

It was much quieter in this part of the house. She’d never been here before so she didn’t know where the bathroom was. There was a door on her right and left and one straight ahead. She decided to check them all. She opened the door on the left and it was just a closet with towels. The door on her right was the bathroom. She was confused because wasn’t he supposed to be there.

She turned towards the last door and saw some light coming from under. She had a gut feeling this wasn’t going to be good. Slowly she walked towards the door and opened it just like ripping a band aid off and

ouch.

Rafe on top of Taylor Thompson. His hand under her sweater and his lips on her. Taylor’s hands in his hair. At the sound of the door opening Rafe turned around and the girl under him sat up to look.

“Shit,” He muttered feeling his heart sink.

She stood there in complete shock for a second before speaking, “Sorry to interrupt.” She slammed the door closed. Holding back her tears until she was in her car alone. Her feet knowing where to take her as her mind was elsewhere. Why would he do that? The last few months had felt different to her. It felt like there was a possibility of something more.

It felt like he literally ripped her heart out and shoved out down Taylor Thompson’s throat. That blonde bi-

“Y/n! Wait!” Rafe called as he chased after her.

She ignored him not really wanting to see him until she got her emotions in order. Now it was clear he wanted nothing to do with her and never cared about her, at least not in the say way. She didn’t want him to see her cry over him, it felt pathetic. They were outside now she had finally reached her car. Clicking the buttons to unlock it furiously.

“Stop!” Rafe said as he jogged to push her car door closed before she opened it all the way.

“What!” She yelled turning around to him. A look of anger in her eyes.

He took a step back seeing how upset she actually was, “I-It’s not what it looks like.”

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t care Rafe.” Crossing her arms defensively.

He furrowed his brows, “Then why are you leaving?”

“Because I can.”

“Y/n-“

“Rafe! I don’t want to third wheel all night so go fuck Taylor Thompson like you want, I don’t give a shit.” She seethed, tears pricking at her eyes.

He shook his head, “I don’t want to fuck her.”

“Then why were you kissing her?”

“I thought you didn’t care,” Now he was getting mad for some reason.

“Fuck you Rafe.”

He laughed bitterly, “Tell me why it bothered you so much.”

She scoffed confused, “What?”

“Why did me kissing her bother you?”

“Because it didn’t bother you. You just didn’t care,”

“About what?” He took a step closer. He was trying to get her to say it. To say that she cared because she liked him.

He knows he fucked up but after her reaction he realized that he had convinced himself she didn’t care when she did. Then he may have taken a few shots and gone into the guest room to breathe and call her. But then Taylor Thompson came in right when the tequila was kicking in and things got blurry. She was on him and he didn’t stop it and she tugged him on the bed and he just couldn’t move or stop. He also couldn’t stop thinking about y/n as it was all happening, wishing it was her.

“About me,” She sighed looking down voice so small.

“I care about you.”

She looked up at him with a frown. She sighed frustrated being able to hold her tears anymore as a few slipped down her cheeks, “No you don’t. If you did you wouldn’t have kissed her.”

She turned around quickly opening her car door and getting in. Rafe got what he wanted, to hear her say it. But maybe he fucked up so bad he can’t fix it. He steps back as her car starts and watches her drive away.

She can barely see between her tears as she drives home. She felt dumb. She felt like he was using her to make his ego bigger. Why did he have to ruin it? The one person who kept her tied to where she is had betrayed her the most. She knew he didn’t owe her any loyalty but she couldn’t help the way she felt.

-

I picked the petals, he loves me not

Something different bloomed

Writing in my room

-

spring

Three and a half months.

It’d been three and a half months of Rafe and her not talking.

After she left the party she promised herself she would never speak to him again. He hurt her and she couldn’t believe she’d let it happen. Feeling dumb for feeling the way she does towards him. How could she have let herself fall for him so much?

He had called and texted her relentlessly at first. Even tried to go up to her in school but she’d quickly turn and walk away from him. After a month of trying to get her to talk to him he gave up. He fucked it up more than he thought. Rafe gave her the space she wanted but he’d always be there in the background if she needs him.

Y/n couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t take him always looking at her with those eyes. Couldn’t take all the time she was spending alone. She thought she liked being alone and spending time alone but she also liked all the time she spent with him. He made her feel so care free and light. The anxiety that was constantly bubbling in her stomach would diminish around him because she didn’t have to pretend to be someone she’s not.

But enough was enough.

Ever since middle school she had kept a diary. A few stacks of books tucked away in the back of her closet hid her deepest feelings and every detail about her life. The current one she had been filling was almost full and the last quarter of the notebook was all Rafe. Well to be honest he was in all of them, and not in a weird way. He was just always there, they were always together.

But now that they didn’t spend time together her pages consisted of rants of her boring school days and writing different scenarios she had wished happened that night instead of what did. She had ranted about how he made her feel and how she felt seeing him on some other girl. A girl that wasn’t her. It should have been her.

After everything they had done together how could he not see her in the way she sees him? Maybe he did live up to his cold hearted reputation. Even though he had never done anything wrong before. She actually can’t remember the last time she saw him hook up with anyone. Not since the beginning of junior year and back then he was fully in his coke addiction. She remembers that night like it was yesterday.

They had become friends around that time the year before. Summer before sophomore year they met at midsummers when she caught him and his friends in the storage closet drinking from a bottle of vodka. Y/n told them she wouldn’t say anything if they let her have some. Rafe immediately liked her, she knew what she wanted and she got it.

Now it was a year later and he can feel her eyes on him as he kissed some rich touron. He was high out of his mind and he just wanted to make y/n jealous. But it didn’t work, the look he had caught from her as he trailed behind the redhead he just met was one more of disappointment. He felt his heart clench at the feeling. After that night he decided to get clean and stop the hard drugs because he hated that look.

She couldn’t take it anymore, keeping all of her feelings on sheets of paper. She needed to find him and yell at or just do something. He has confused her for years now and she was sick of it. Especially now that Rafe and her were closer than ever. All her pent of feelings seeped through as she sighed exasperatedly, putting her pen that had been furiously writing down. Slamming it on the desk as she harshly pushed herself up from her desk.

With anger she had stormed out of the house and driven to his. Her sneakers stomping on the ground as she marched towards him. Every one of their memories together flashing through her head.

She had spotted him on the dock and was b lining towards him. Rafe’s head turned as he heard her stomping towards him. His stomach flipped when his eyes landed on y/n, he had really missed seeing her around. Especially at his house. He propped his sunglasses up on his head and hopped back onto the dock. He had been getting the boat ready for a solo boat day to clear his head.

“Y/n?” He asked in disbelief.

“You!” She pointed at him and stopping once her finger was poking his chest, “Why are you the way you are!” Her finger jabbing into his chest with every word.

He watched as her chest rose and fell quickly. He had never really seen her mad before, something he always admired. But now seeing her with furrowed brows and steam practically coming out of her ears, he kind of liked it. Rafe knows he shouldn’t be thinking about how cute she looks and instead be getting on his knees begging for forgiveness.

He had really missed seeing her up close. Missed how dark her lashes were and how glossy her plump lips always were. He counted all her freckles to make sure she didn’t get any new ones while they were away from each other. Her hair was in a style he hadn’t seen on her before.

“Well hi to you too,” He smirked. He couldn’t help himself, couldn’t help use the charm he knew she loved.

She placed her palms on his chest and shoved him, barely making him move. Y/n began ranting, “For the last fucking four years you have been my best friend and you’ve been so confusing! Everything was fine at first but-but then you were always there for me whenever. And you always fucking listened to me. And you’re so funny. I started to feel different and then I saw you at that fucking party,” She glared at him, the image of him on that girl making her nauseous, “And then you changed. You don’t hook up with anyone and you don’t leave my side at parties,” she laughed sarcastically, “You even fucking call me babe sometimes. So I though oh maybe he feels different too then again I saw you on some fucking girl. And you chase after me so Rafe what the fuck do you want from me? Has this all just been bullshit to you? Am I just some fucking girl you get to flirt with to get your weird little fix until you find someone you actually want to be with?”

He rolled his eyes almost offended, “You know you’re not just some girl.”

She scoffed with wide eyes, “That’s all you took away from that. What else am I supposed to think? You make me feel special for years and I just wait and wait. Then when I think things are finally happening you go and kiss some girl.”

“Y/n-“

“Who fucking knows what would have happened if I hadn’t walked in.”

“Can I-“

“I know you would have fucked her and then came home to me to talk about your problems like I’m some wife in the 50s.”

“You-“

“You kill me Rafe.”

“Stop!” He practically shouted as he placed his hands on her shoulders. She closed her mouth and stared at him intensely.

“I was afraid you didn’t feel the same so I kept my feelings down. I’ve liked you since the moment I met you. But I was fucked up then so I didn’t act like it until I saw how much I hurt you. I changed for you and-and then I just got scared. You are someone so beyond me, you are like the nicest smartest most beautiful person. Why the fuck would you want me?” He laughed like it was obvious, “And we’re such good friends it was terrifying to think about how if I fucked it up I wouldn’t have you at all. No one’s ever actually tried to get to know me the way you have. And then I did fuck it up again,” he sighed scratching the back of his neck, “I shouldn’t have let her kiss me that night. I should have found you and told you what I’ve been feeling since I met you. That I love you so much it actually hurts. And it’s hurt me knowing I made you upset.”

“Rafe,” She sighed as her eyes softened. This was not going at all how she expected things to go.

“I get I fucked it up, so if you still never want to see me again that’s fine. But please give me a chance,” He was actually contemplating getting on his knees to beg.

“You’re such a big dumby. You’ve always had a chance. You mean so much to me. Rafe the only reason I haven’t applied to out of state schools is because I want to be with you. Even if it was just as friends,” She sighed feeling like a weight had been lifter off of her shoulders. A part of her still wanted to punch him.

He took a step closer lifting his hand and softly brushing his fingers across her cheek as he cupped her face, “Will you please go out with me? Because I am so in love with you.”

She leaned up towards him. Their noses now brushing, “I love you,”

He smiled as he pulled her towards him, their lips meeting. The kiss felt like every taylor swift love song playing at once. All the yearning felt worth it in that moments. Their lips moved against each other languidly, like they’ve always been doing this. Rafe’s hands moved to her waist, gripping in all the right places.

Y/n’s hand ran through his hair tugging when his hands reached lower giving her butt a squeeze.Rafe melted at her soft sighs and quiet moans as he trailed kisses down to her neck. Kissing behind her ear. He kissed her cheek as he faced her again. Her hazy eyes and swollen lips made his blood flow to a certain lower part of his body.

“Rafe, this doesn’t mean I’m not still kinda mad at you. You have a lot of making up to do,” She smiled innocently at him.

“Baby I’ll give you whatever you want. In fact, let’s go shopping now for our date tonight,” He kissed her one more time before moving to hold her hand dragging her towards his car.

She laughed as she trailed behind him knowing that one shopping trip wasn’t going to make it better. He owed her big time.

“It also doesn’t mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend because you haven’t asked me,” She smiled smugly at him as he opened the door to his truck for her.

“I guess I have my work cut out for me then,” He said leaning against the frame of door once she had sat down.

“you do.”

He leaned up and kissed her softly, “Anything for you baby.”

[macaroonff]

This Autumn, - Shin Ryujin

Genre: Roommates x lovers, College +Domestic Au, Autumn feels Pairing: Shin Ryujin x fem! Reader ↪Content warnings: Mentions of a dysfunctional families, slight angst, mentions of homophobia, mention of insecurities Word Count: 7k+ words Suggested Songs: We found Love in October- Girl In Red I wanna be your girlfriend- Girl in Red Bubble gum- Clairo Duvet- Bôa October Passed Me By- Girl in Red Girls-Girl in Red Softly- Clairo You know where this playlist is heading- feel free to recommend more ↪not proofread

Sometimes fall meant that the clarity of summer had ended, and that the dryness wasn't accompanied by sweat, but by the heaviness of hoodies and the bareness of barks. A bore compared to the freedom and excitement that summer offered; a dispirited time when you look back to the last three months. 

Of course autumn wasn't all bad. The colours took on a warmer palette as the trees bore themselves devoid of its warmth: warmth which could be found in campfires and cosy sheets; in people's hugs and weighted blankets; in hot lattes, crunchy leaves and early sunsets.

But when assignments piled up from the start of the season, finding opportunities to revel in such warmth seemed unsuccessful. You hurriedly tried composing yourself from last month's activities: internships, staycations and pool parties, returning from a whirlwind of adrenaline. It was exhausting, and you were burnt out before the semester even started. 

But a student you were; a decent one you tried to be, as you file your assignments, albeit slowly due to sleep deprivation. The first week of autumn went by with professors dumping assignments immediately as you try to ease the pace at which you deal with it. Clearly, autumn had you drained from day one.

Autumn hated you more than you hated it.

Autumn, two weeks in wasn't too bad. You took time to catch up on deadlines, you made plans with friends, went on walks and you got especially close to your new roommate. Her name was Ryujin, a dark haired divinity with prominent features that meshed gently. Someone who never forgot to get you your daily dose of iced latte and her favourite mocha bread from the café opposite your dorm.

It started when she came back from her evening lectures on a Thursday, holding one mug in her hand, a woolly scarf tucked into her shirt. She came in to see you with hands knitted in your hair, frustrated at the work you had, feet bobbing in concentration. 

A small 'hi' was all that you returned when you noticed her presence.

"Another stressful assignment?," she asks, concerned. Her low timbre is soothing and takes you out of your sums for a brief moment, a sigh escaping your chapped lips.

"It’s calculus." You make eye contact for the first time since she entered, a polite smile greeting her, though the frown almost tilted the other way. 

She waved her hands in a light motion acknowledging your concern, the room key in her palm dangling in it to make a soft clack. 

"Understandable, it's a real headache, especially since you're in Mr Lee’s course. Anything I could help you with?"

"I just need a break," you reply dejectedly, hoping to get away from your monotonous, monstrous tasks. 

"Wanna watch a movie?" she asks, a soft grin hiding on her face. She watches your ears perk up and your eyes shine at the suggestion, to which a chuckle remains stuck in her throat.

"Why don't you choose something and I'll join you after I'm done freshening up." she hands you the remote before walking into her room, grabbing her white towel from the laundry rack.

You sit in silence and wallow in contemplation. Choosing a movie, should be easy. 

Would a sappy rom-com distracting you from your lamentable, gapingly non-existent love life suffice? Or did you need another of those poorly directed and filmed action ones, which would, undoubtedly help you fix your sleep schedule. But then again, would Ryujin watch it? What’s a movie she’d like? Slice of life? Coming of age? Horror?

A change in the lighting of the room, and Ryujin’s tap on your shoulder was what eventually brought you out of your dilemma, and you take your vacant stare off of the blank tv screen towards your roommate instead.

The warm lights had blurred everything in the background in a way that it brought Ryujin’s face into focus, a soft glow emanating from her cheeks. Her hair was wet, the towel lazily wrapped around her supple hair, doing a measly job at keeping it from seeping into her t-shirt. Her oversized black t-shirt had patches of darker spots that clinged to her because of it, making you worried she might catch a cold. You rush to hand her a new towel, one that would actually help. 

“Don’t catch a cold, not the best time of the year to fall sick.” you whisper.

She smiles in appreciation and holds your arm, accepting the fabric for you. "You're cold too y/n. It'd probably be best for us to grab some blankets." 

After ten minutes of rummaging through your creaky cabinets and five minutes of popping corn, you were ready to distance yourself from your headaches, with new-found warmth in your newly washed duvets. 

Snug and pressed against the cushions of the sofa, with your head on her shoulder. Snug as she pats your back until the television's whisper no longer has your attention and you find your heavy eyelids closing on their own. 

Snug as you embrace sleep after months of running away from it.

Snug, however, wasn't what you felt when you woke up in the morning, blankets tangled between your legs, and an annoying ache in your ribs, due to the crushing weight of your favourite cushion. 

Snugness was replaced by the bitterness of another new day, and your long forgotten assignments weighed heavier than they did before. 

All of a sudden last night's peace was something you regretted. And you regret having been swayed by someone you considered an acquaintance.

If Shin Ryujin hadn’t offered, you'd never have taken a break. You'd never have given yourself the opportunity to be wasteful with time. You shouldn't have been tempted by the thought of a moment's freedom. 

Freedom that remained a mirage. A mirage that showed you a time of comfort. Comfort that would last one evening until you'd have to revisit everything you ran away from.

What's the point in having comfort if it's given by someone you interact with for three hours a day? What was the point in comfort if it was momentary?

Shin Ryujin was a roommate you'd have for only two more months until her grandparent's apartment was done with renovations.

Shin Ryujin was temporary.

Autumn three weeks in, was no different. Except that your backlog had increased, your sleep schedule got worse and all that you cared about was getting over with your to-do lists. How you had energy to do everything one by one remained a mystery, but you soon realised that it wasn’t energy that drove you to finish work, but the fear of running out of it sooner or later. As if it wasn’t already obvious, you were on the brink of burnout.

Not that you hated burnout. For some reason being burnt out meant that you'd be forced to take time out for mental health sooner or later. You would be forced to slow down like you did last week. 

Sitting down and finally looking back, last week felt like a distant memory so far away from your reality. It was a privilege you gave yourself, and it was so worth it, contrary to what you felt immediately. She was right, the movie did help, the movie did get you back into a safe space from your anxiety; and you never cared to thank her for it. 

You’d do it today. Thanking her. You absolutely had to.

You spent the next ninety minutes planning the best way to return the favour. Essentially, you spent the next ninety minutes going back on all the little things Ryujin did for you. Which led to the realisation that her love language was a careful amalgamation of acts of service, quality time and physical touch. 

“Maybe I’ll just bake mocha bread. I couldn’t go wrong with that,” you contemplate. You weren’t the best baker on earth, however you had enough experience to go ahead with it.

All you needed was milk, eggs, flour, yeast, sugar and coffee. Everything you had at home, really not much could go wrong.

Until it did. There was no way the universe would let you have anything good before your semester tests. Of course it had to sabotage you when you tried to do one thing with actual love behind it.

The microwave oven she brought in with her beeped once before a loud pop stopped you in your tracks. It was overheated, and nothing you did brought the irksome device back to life. No matter how many buttons you pushed vigorously, or hit the back of it tiresomely, the empty  black box on the door showed no sign of the tiny numbers signalling time left.

Time left. You look at the Ikea clock hung on the wall. Ten minutes more for the bread to be baked until completion, and thirty minutes until she’d come back and discover this mess and the damage to her microwave.

And boy does she love that microwave.

Shin Ryujin knew something was wrong when she entered later at night, almost too late for you to be up right now, just a little before midnight, the smell of sweet coffee greeting her. She’d gone to visit the apartment her grandparents had bought for her, a half hour from here. She was so caught up in finalising the layout that she forgot to mention that she’d be late home. What’s worse was that she had got caught in heavy traffic, and her phone lost charge in the middle of dialling you. 

And when she got up here, completely spent from the work, it took very little for her to be consumed by frustration. Not particularly because of you. None of it had to do with you. She knew that the tedious microwave was ancient and that her parents only gave it to her to get rid of it. She also knew that she should’ve told you about it sooner, before it actually became a problem. So no, in no way was this your fault. 

She looked at your head buried under your arm on the dining table with a mitten on one hand and a post-it under your elbow. The post-it didn’t say much, just scribbled and crossed out words that all seemed to resemble different “I’m sorrys" and “microwaves". You had multiple other post-its crumpled nearby and she picked all of them up and carefully opened them one by one. Between the creases, one said, “I’m so sorry for the microwave Ryujin, ik you treasure it because your parents lent it to you. I just wanted to thank you for last week and I thought I’d bake your favourite but -” it stopped there at which point you must’ve crumpled it. 

Ryujin let her sight wander across the baking utensils washed and stacked neatly on the drying rack and a box of half baked, burnt dough nearby. She smiles, both grateful and apologetic, an urge to caress your head settling in. She takes a closer look at you, trying to figure how she could deposit you to your bed. 

She slowly lifts your head up, wiping excess dough from near your frowning mouth, and her eyes wander up, to your slightly fluttering eyelids facing the yellow lights. It was then under the warm lights that she noticed semi-dried tears under your lashes. Another surge of guilt ran through her, thinking of how worried you must’ve been. 

In the cold kitchen, she lifts you off the chair as carefully as she can and gently drags you across the living room. It was when she’d propped you against the headboard that you stir awake.

Through half-lidded eyes, you take in whatever you can. Ryujin was holding on to your hand gasping slightly.

“Ryujin?” you whisper.

“Shit I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she looks at you a little surprised.

“I’m so sorry-” you mumble in desperation.

“Shh," she places a palm over your eyes, "don’t worry about it love. Go to bed, we’ll talk in the morning”

You aren’t convinced but you also realise that now isn’t the best time to talk. Ryujin’s eyebags seemed deeper in the warm light and you knew both of you needed a decent rest. It had been a hectic time for the two of you, and all you needed was sleep.

Ryujin still had the benevolence to pull the blanket over you and stroke your hair until you fell asleep.

It was the second time you fell asleep in her arms.

The following weekend you were on a shopping trip.

At a semi-large Ikea warehouse about forty minutes away from the campus. It was Ryujin's idea to come out here despite you convincing her to find a shop closer, but she insisted.

"Trust me, it'll be fun. We can look at furniture too."

Of course, she needed new furniture. It slowly dawns on you that you have very little time to spend with her in your home. Home.

You don't remember the last time you called your dorm a home. For all that you knew, it was a messy damp space that you couldn't wait to escape from, an absolute nightmare with it's cramped furniture. But it was cosy, something you couldn't deny now.

Maybe because you were with her. All her little habits that grew on you, her impeccable daily routine that had become a source of stability in your life, even her lesser known quirks such as keeping a picture of her two cats at home framed on her desk and kissing the before going to her classes in the morning.

You admired all of it, and it wouldn't have been the same if it were someone else. You never felt like this with your previous room mates. They were just people who lived in their own solitary spaces. But with Ryujin, somehow you were involved in most housework together. You felt involved, and somewhere more loved than in your own home.

Your family wasn't bad, at least on the surface. They never compromised when it came to your education or your standard of living. But somewhere between those lines were impossible expectations they wouldn't hold themselves to either. And you got tired of them easily. They hid toxicity behind "criticism", where criticism only meant negatives beyond your control. Your last year of high school, particularly faced extreme criticism, and you felt your confidence dipping. You managed though. You're not entirely sure how you coped, but with support from school, you managed a scholarship, a meagre one but still enough to get away from your family.

You hadn't seen them in three years.

Ryujin, on the other hand, had a lovely family, and you were, at times jealous of how perfect she seemed; how perfect everything around her seemed.

She seemed to have every aspect of her life in order. Whether it be top of the class majoring in Business, or being captain of the girl's football team, or the fact that she could spare three hours to stay with her paint brushes and that they would come out having the entire beauty of the universe encompassed in them. She could manage being both a homebody, while still being popular in school, she could be assertive when she needed to be without actually disturbing the fragile ego of most in her class.

She surpassed every definition of balance mentioned in the dictionary. She was living it, breathing it. Stability.

You admired her, a lot, but you couldn't stop this ridiculously miniscule base of malevolence in your heart. And every day you were scared it would become worse.

Especially now, when all she wanted was to spend precious time with you, constantly putting effort into your friendship whereas you were held back by bitter thoughts. And you hated yourself for it.

You force back your envy, distracting yourself by browsing through the shelves of cutlery displayed. You notice the absence of Ryujin's presence, and slowly find yourself lost in this maze of a shop. Maybe it was better that she wasn't in this aisle now, or else you wouldn't be able to face her with the guilt of having thought of her so poorly.

You find yourself interested in the array of pretty pink melamine plates stacked in front of you, in the stainless steel spoons with animal handles, and little napkin holders shaped like boats. You pick up different pans, weighing how heavy each is, looking to keep your brain unnecessarily busy. If you spend a second more comparing yourself with Ryujin, you knew you wouldn't be able to think of anything else for the entire day, or week.

You remember what your therapist told you, all the comfort and validation that you needed pouring in through words. You open up your notes, all the affirmations typed out one by one. You repeat them in your mind, with a new goal in sight.

You wouldn't let your insecurity ruin another good relationship. Especially not with Ryujin.

She emerges after some time, holding in her hand, a grey device, and a grin painted on her face. "I think this is the one. It's a cool toaster cum oven sort of thing, and it's cheap," she winks at you.

How was she so decisive? you think again. It had only taken her fifteen minutes. If it were you, you'd have taken forty minutes more.

"I trust your decision," you reply, giving her a soft smile. You notice her eyebrows raise a little. "You sure?," she asks. "You usually don't agree this fast. You have this terrible habit of sitting on decisions for ages." she rambles on.

You take a moment to process this. You knew it was true, and she probably didn't mean malice, but it was not something you'd accept easily.

Ryujin never had to think twice about what she wanted. She knew exactly what she wanted, and she always got it. Whereas every decision you seemed to make bore consequences you didn't want. And often, the times you didn't heavily weight them out was when things backfired. The last time being with the microwave oven.

It was the only way you knew to trust yourself.

So it irks you greatly when Ryujin calls it a "terrible habit". Because for you, it was a habit that gave you security. Certainty wasn't achievable, but you'd try as fucking close as you could get, and Shin Ryujin won't tell you otherwise.

She'd never understand how imperfect you were. She'd never understand the little complexities that hold you back. For the most part, she had life easy. What would she ever understand?

You ignore her comment, instead picking up a ceramic mug from the shelf, thumbing on the floral patterns glazed onto it.

Ryujin barely senses your predicament, instead grabbing onto the mug placed besides the one you hold onto. "These are pretty, it's like a cute matching set. We should get them," she winks.

The rest of the day follows with more furniture in your cart, and mostly unnecessary plushies plaguing your living room. New pillows, potted plants, wardrobe organisers, a work desk and the biggest Djungelskog bear lying near the couch.

It dawns on you the next morning, after waking up to the chaos, that she was shifting out in two weeks.

On the first of October.

All of a sudden she was busy, very busy, and the two of you barely met, with bigger gaps in your schedule. Part of it was because of Ryujin arranging her main furniture in her new house, and part of it was because you were busy with academics, only that it was voluntary this time. It just so happened that you needed a few more credits to retain your scholarship, the only thing weighing your new found freedom. Along with that, you busied yourself so that you didn't have to face Ryujin later at night.

You were scared. Other than the obvious rent that you'd have to pay by yourself, you also avoided other parts of this change that bothered you. Which was spending time with her. You were scared you'd miss her a bit too much.

Sure, you were friends who were only half an hour away, but now that her colourful room started fading into a bleak white, the emptiness of it reminded you of why you hated autumn. The fall orange left you feeling lonely, and like the very leaves that craved pigmentation, you craved more life. Regardless of the minimal time you spent with her in the evenings, she slowly integrated herself into your life in the smaller ways.

Now they weigh too much in your life for you to be able to cope without it. You ended up distancing yourself from her, in a pathetic attempt to cope with the anticipation of absence. Maybe you just needed more friends, the thought crossing your mind a lot more these days. But you had plenty of them at uni, most of who you loved. But none of them were Ryujin.

None of them cared for you as much as she did. None of them taught you how to care for yourself like she did. None of them held you in their arms throughout the night, until you felt rested and loved. Nobody inspired you as much as Ryujin did.

Maybe Ryujin wasn't just a friend, something you were scared to consider in the past few weeks. It was a feeling completely new. Other than a failed situation-ship in high school, you never considered the possibility of a relationship, much less exploring your sexuality.

It was an intimidating prospect that you hadn't considered. Something that initiated urgency more than curiosity. Unlike the diverse spectrum that your feelings for Shin Ryujin belonged to, your thoughts focused on just one. She was important in more ways than platonic, and the distance that was to be would be extremely difficult to cope with. The distance that you had created seemed silly, but at the same time there was nothing you could think to resolve the conflict. You were going against this wall you'd built for yourself, and the facade of distance only grew day by day. So much so that at one point, Ryujin stopped approaching you first.

In a way, you deserved it. For someone who had been so unreceptive to her life as a coping method, this is the least you deserved for being a little jerk. Why would someone pursue any relationship, even platonic if you'd put yourself back into the mega cage you thought you'd escaped from. Something you'd escaped from only temporarily in her presence. Something you're going back to by the next week when she's gone.

You suffer multiple sleepless nights, the mid terms only a catalyst to your loneliness, when all you remember is Ryujin and her quirks.

You do accept another roommate later on, a mutual contact in your friend group, someone who was introduced to you by Ryujin herself. She'd dropped in a small text at 8 in the morning, on the way to class, you'd assumed. All it did was talk about how a common friend, Yeji needed a room to stay.

You accepted it of course, because you didn't have to foot the entire month's bill but also because you thought having someone else would curb your loneliness. And this loneliness was stupid. Ryujin wasn't the only thing you had in your entire life, and she should've been inconsequential, the same way the daylight hours gradually decreased. But it isn't too hard to notice once the sun's gone down.

The new roommate was like a transition from summer to winter, but unlike Ryujin , who helped ease the transition between the seasons, this one only reminded you that it would be cold. She wasn't a bad roommate, no she was perfect, did the laundry on Wednesdays, did the evening dishes at 6 and gave you lots of personal space. She was nice, but not like Ryujin.

You hated how you compared her to Ryujin, how you compared everything to her. "She isn't your entire world," you remind yourself. "Shin Ryujin was only temporary."

You'd decided that your feelings for her were only a means for you to be validated. That was all you'd craved from her, and that was all she'd given you- validation.

On October 15th, you feel relieved. Your mid terms were over with and you had a little bit of free time. Were you going to spend it wisely? Of course not.

You were going to sit in bed all day, scrolling through Youtube, a luxury you'd afford yourself rarely in the last month. You went home early, to a somewhat excitable Yeji. Another rare sight.

"What's up?" you ask her, noticing her vibrant demeanour.

"Nothing much, Ryujin's coming over today."

You're surprised to hear this, and a little disappointed that Ryujin never told you herself. Or maybe there was no reason to, it's not like you kept in touch with her.

"That's cool, are you guys ordering something? Or should I make food for you two?" you offer, realising the amount of free time you had.

"We'll just order pizza," she replies. She hesitates for sometime, as if she has something to say. "Y/n?" she calls out slowly.

"Hmm?" "...you're nothing like what Ryujin described you as."

You still in your spot.

"It's just that you're really kind you know. I thought you'd be more distant, and cold."

"Ryujin said that? About me?"

She nods her head.

Is that really how she saw you? Distant and cold? Sure you were closed off towards the end, but is that really who you were to her? After all the good memories? You weren't sure anymore, insecurity creeping inside you.

It hurt. Was it this easy for people to be unforgiving? But then again, you never apologised, so in a weird way what Yeji relayed sounded justified.

You offer her a stiff smile.

"I'll be in my room then, tell me if you need anything."

Dejected, you go back to your blank room, where even the orange of autumn feels comforting, something you hated previously. You stay inside the entire evening, occasional sounds of muffled laughter behind your walls being all that you focus on for the duration. Every time you heard her laugh loudly from behind the door, you wondered if she ever laughed like that in front of you. Did you ever make her feel happy? The same way she did to you?

You want to go out and say hi, but after what Yeji said, you stop yourself. She must hate you now, there was no other way.

It isn't later at night, after you're sure the laughter was no more, and only when the silence of the room becomes comforting, you step out to see a dim blue light in the darkness of the living room, Yeji working on the dining table. "Y/n, didn't come out to say hi to Ryujin?" she asks, with pity that sounds forced.

"Yeah, no I was just napping," you lie, "did anything fun happen?"

"Mhm, we were discussing Ryujin's blind date tomorrow with a senior from the engineering department. Apparently, he's handsome," she shrugs her shoulder.

"Ryujin likes boys?" you ask without realising.

"Hmm, I'm not sure actually."

A small part of you feels dejected as you get a glass of water, all while contemplating if you should have reached out.

"You like her don't you?" Yeji whispers, looking up from her laptop.

It's the second time you still in your spot. Yeji had brought up something you never thought was prominent.

"Your lights were on, I could tell from your slightly ajar door. You weren't sleeping were you?" she gives you a knowing smile.

"I'm not judging you- it's just that it's obvious that you miss her. It may or not may be romantic- but you do miss her don't you?". You don't know how to reply to her. You barely knew Yeji, but somehow she very accurately read your emotions.

As if she knows what you're thinking, she continues.

"You know, every time that I've tried bringing up Ryujin, you've always changed the conversation, instead isolating yourself in your room."

Looking back, it made sense. You didn't want to think about her anymore. Your meeting with Ryujin's was temporary and never mattered. It was almost crazy how dependent you were on her within just a few months.

" I realised that I don't know much about Ryujin, nor does she about me. Sure I know she loves mocha bread, she loves her big Ikea Djungelskog soft toy, that she's watched the perks of being a wallflower more times than she can count; but I don't think I could be truly vulnerable with her. I'm scared to be vulnerable with her."

Yeji sighs, almost disappointed. She went back to working, despite her twitching lips, like she had more to say.

That night, you reflect for longer. Why was it that you felt scared to lean on Ryujin? Technically you told her about troubles with academics, problems with some of your classmates- that is considered being vulnerable right? Then what was it that you wanted her to know, but you never wanted to admit? Was it your insecurities? Was it the thought she'd never understand it?

It was like your mind had accepted that you and Ryujin had come from two different worlds, and if you invited her into yours, she would run away, like your family. Despite you coming to terms with it, the distance with your family was a wound still fresh. And nothing would change, until you could put it behind you.

25th October, Yeji handed you an invite to one of her friend's Halloween parties.

After your confession, she'd been a little nicer; she was more active in initiating conversations, and you realised she was more extroverted than your first impression. Eventually, you did watch the Maze Runner with her again, and you appreciated how she gushed about Dylan O'Brien throughout it, dispelling any awkward moments.

"I designed this invitation by the way, cool isn't it?", she asks about the party invitation in your hand. It had black bat details engraved in a glossy reflective paper. "Please come, we've had a difficult week, one party won't hurt will it?" she states, the question more rhetorical.

You agree quietly, excitement bubbling in you.

Until it did hurt, a week later.

Barely five minutes after you enter the loud, congested apartment, with strangers in costumes, you felt a part of your heart drop. There was a tight feeling in your chest, something you were sure wasn't because of the new corset you wore. Because you felt comfortable seconds before you saw Ryujin with her hands wrapped around this guys neck, kissing him on the couch as if he were her entire life. At first, you weren't even sure it was her- her hair was shorter, dyed a platinum blonde. She wore a leather jacket and a white skater dress, dressed so differently than what you were used to seeing her in.

You weren't able to comprehend how good she looked in his arms, with all her attention focused on him, smiling. The same smile that you'd missed for a month. When she does look away from the vampire- you assumed was her boyfriend, her eyes scan the crowd and she almost looks bewildered. You were stood so motionless near the entrance from where you could see them, that even the crowd that pushed past you couldn't bring you to move. It was suffocating, and unconsciously you head for the exit, looking to get away.

But fate wouldn't be so kind would it? The universe wouldn't just let you be would it? "Are you leaving already y/n?" Yeji screams from across the room, which you were sure was audible to everyone. She finds her way to you, a smile on her face. "You just came in, why are you leaving? Cool outfit by the way."

"Thanks," you offer her a stiff smile, eyes going back to Ryujin, who because of Yeji, had finally found you.

Yeji, who just noticed the tension, holds your hand and pulls you towards Ryujin.

"Atleast say hi, y/n, it won't hurt."

Yeji's assurance of "it won't hurt" was what brought you here, it was indeed what hurt you. Her saying this now wasn't helping, and you scoff. It was almost like Yeji knew this was going to happen. It was like she knew how much it hurt you, and may even enjoy it.

"Why did you invite me Yeji? You knew about this didn't you? It hurts, I..I shouldn't have come." you spit out, trembling.

"Y/n, there's something you need to know."

"What? that she has a boyfriend?" you spat, annoyed by her deception.

Yeji sighs, holding onto your shoulders, somewhat urgent.

"No, it's something only Ryujin can tell you. Please, just talk to her. This once."

At this point, you couldn't trust anyone, neither Yeji, Ryujin, nor yourself. It was like you were at different crossroads- to run away, or to confront her again. She hadn't even done anything wrong, all she did was kiss a guy. She didn't owe you anything.

You choose to run away, until you notice Ryujin approaching you with her boyfriend. It's like she withheld any decision you make, with her forcing you into a circumstance you would not choose for yourself.

"Y/n?" she asks softly. Her otherwise comforting voice now made you uncomfortable, almost bringing you to tears by how much you missed it.

"It's been so long," she holds your hand gently.

Her hands felt colder than before, and before you could say anything, the tall, matching vampire spoke up.

"Hi y/n, I'm Jason, her boyfriend. I've heard a lot about you." he looks friendly, and he doesn't seem to hold any malice. But you still hated this guy.

"You have?" you ask saltily. "...good things I hope." you couldn't help but say drily, hands fiddling with the witch hat you'd worn.

"A moment please love," Ryujin signs to her boyfriend, who goes towards the bar with Yeji.

Ryujin takes your hand and drags you towards what you assume to be the bedroom, away from the crowd.

You enter the bedroom with her, with your head ringing because of the way she called him love. You remember how she'd called you love the day you'd tried baking, the day you'd fallen asleep in her arms. You thought the word "love" meant nothing, that it was an endearing term with no implications. But if that was the case- why did she address him as love?

Jealousy eventually overrode the confusion, and the hurt that stained you previously had multiplied. You couldn't feel more stressed, it was so much more than any calculus assignment you'd ever come across.

"Are you crying?" she eventually speaks, eyes concerned. You didn't even realise the visible tears falling down your cheek slowly, your mascara ruined in the reflection of the mirror behind her.

"What do you wanna talk about Ryujin?" you huff. "Y/n, do you need time to calm down? I don't think you're in the mood to talk."

"I'm fine. Just get to the point please." you say, barely concentrating on what was going on. She comes in to hug you, but you step back.

She looks upset by this, seemingly as confused as you. "I...I thought we were friends y/n," she whispers in the same tone she'd always used to comfort you. "We weren't this far apart were we? Why do you hate me?" she raises her voice in desperation.

This was an accusation you could not believe she had made, hate was too strong for what you felt for her.

"I don't hate you Ryujin." you speak, resigned. "Then why do you look so upset, why can't you even say hi?" she emphasises, her voice breaking in between.

"Because it hurts... I can't"

You fall against the bed post. Eyes finding the bear plushie you bought her. You slowly realise that this is her bedroom, and that you were in her new house- the apartment you'd never come to before. You were barely able to process all of this when she speaks up again.

"You can't what y/n? You can't accept the fact that you like me?" You look back at her, eyes widened, as though whatever little sanity you had remaining was destroyed like the branches of an autumn tree- fallen, and weak. It was almost humiliating.

"I don't like you Ryujin," you hide behind your words like a coward. "Don't lie to yourself y/n, is it that difficult to accept that you like me?"

You don't know where this was coming from. If she knew you liked her, couldn't she just let you down gently?

"What does it matter? You have a boyfriend. Even if I did like you; no even if I loved you, nothing would change." you say dejectedly. It must have been true, because there was silence that persisted for longer than you wished it would be.

"What if it did change? What if I said I liked you too? Would you believe me?" she asks quietly, reverting back to her calm persona as she takes a big breath. You scoff, noticing how different she had become in a month. The audacity she had to ask you if you believed her, right after making out with her boyfriend in front of everyone in the room disgusted you, something you don't think you'd ever be able to comprehend.

"Why would I believe you? I saw your boyfriend. Besides, if you did like me, you'd be honest with me. I think that's the least I'd expect from you, so don't play with my feelings; because unlike yours, I can say with conviction that mine are real."

You see her expression change, her eyes becoming teary.

She sits beside you, against the wooden footboard. "I can't be honest, because I'm scared. There's so many people watching me- so many people who my family knows. I barely had, or still have any privacy in my life. Do you know why my grandparents left me this apartment? Because they don't trust me." she pauses for a minute. Taking another deep breath, eyes now fixed on to the floor.

You don't know where she's going with this, but don't say anything because this may be the last time you'd get any closure.

"There was a girl I really liked in high school, but we could never be together, because my family refused to let me meet her. They pretend to be liberal in their thoughts- but they're as homophobic as they get. There's no way they'd understand. The only time I felt safe was in our dorm, because there was no one who would snitch on me, nobody who cared. It was utopia- where you were my solace, and I just basked in the temporary peace.

But when my grandparents asked about you, they'd worry I'd gotten too close to you, refusing to believe you could be just a friend. Two months after I shifted in to our dorm, they made preparations to isolate me in this house of theirs."

She couldn't continue, as tears you'd never seen from her before, collected as a tiny stream between the cracks of the tiles on the cold floor. You understood what she meant. In an evening's moment, you realised that she wasn't this perfect being that she always projected. Yes, she was amazing, but she had her own challenges, something you thought she'd never had. Unlike the two different worlds you thought you were in, your access into her world made you realise you were more similar than you could've imagine. All of a sudden you hated your past self for being so mean to her, for harbouring insecurities that in hindsight were not worth the pain.

"Jason, is my neighbourhood friend, and he's the one of the few people I can trust. He's pretending to be my boyfriend, so that if my family ever found out, they wouldn't doubt me." she explains, trying to resolve your distrust.

"I'm so sorry," you whisper, leaning your head against her shoulder, gently holding onto her hand."

The two of you sit their in silence, reflective, though relieved.

She gently kisses your forehead, arms wrapping around your waist.

"I missed you y/n. So much. But I'm also scared to go back to you, to our place. I don't know what we're going to do. I'm sorry too, for the situation I put you in. For the situation I've put both of us in."

You rub her arms gently,

"It's ok, we'll figure it out slowly. I'm sorry too . You were always there for me- and I, like the coward I am was scared of being attached to you, your generous love . I was also so insecure of how perfect you were- but now it's all so inconsequential."

To this Ryujin laughs, and she wipes her tears. "It's funny how both of our insecurities hurt us in the end. I promise, I wont' let it affect us in the future. I won't ever hurt you again y/n. I love you, so much."

"I love you too Ryujin."

You know that it's going to be a long road ahead of the two of you, but you'll be alright. You comb through her hair, leaning in to meet her lips. Her quivering lips are not soft as you expected, but slightly chapped, brushing against yours. She drags a cold finger down your spine, causing you to lose your breath. Her pulling you closer, slipping behind your corset, unzipping it. Your hands are tangled in her short locks, and you pull away in between to breathe.

With the kiss, and this new path, the autumn you hated so had come to an end. Autumn had become easier to think about, among the loneliness of the dry leaves and the warmth devoid in the air, you'd treasure the warmth that she provided. Shin Ryujin, unlike autumn wasn't temporary. Autumn will come and go, but Shin Ryujin would always stay, and you'd treasure her in every season. In the end, autumn didn't hate you as much you did, because despite everything, autumn gifted you Shin Ryujin.

Am I actually posting an autumn fic when its almost summer? Yes, yes I am. This is long overdue and idk why it took me this long to finish it ahhhh.

I appreciate any feedback, feel free to interact with this post!

Thanks for reading <3

-Macaroon

[oneforthemunny]

A song that reminds you of each of your Eddie's + reader- and GO!

ooh wait this is a fun one. ok i had to think about this one but i think i've found them:

boxer!eddie and reader remind me of somethin' stupid by frank sinatra and nancy sinatra. two little black cats in love, and the chorus "and have a drink or two, and then i go and spoil it all by saying somethin' stupid like, "i love you". i can see it in your eyes that you despise the same old lies you heard the night before. and though it's just a line to you, for me it's true and never seemed so right before."

rockstar!eddie and nepobaby!reader will forever remind me of faithfully by journey. i mean, "and lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be. oh, girl, you stand by me. circus life under the big-top world. we all need the clowns to make us smile. through space and time, always another show. wonderin' where I am lost without you. i'm forever yours, faithfully."

this one is going to be so fucking corny and idgaf!!! but for modern!eddie and mean girl, idk why true love by p!nk always comes to mind. "at the same time, i wanna hug you, i wanna wrap my hands around your neck. you're the only love i've ever known. but i hate you, i really hate you, so much i think it must be true love. just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings, just once please try no to be so mean."

cowboy!eddie and sweet girl have always and will forever remind me of love is like a butterfly by the one and mother fucking only dolly parton our lord and savior. "love makes your heart feel strange inside, it flutters like soft wings in flight. love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing. i feel it when you kiss me, it happens when you're with me, that rare and gentle feelin' that i feel inside. everyday is springtime, and i am only happy when you are by my side." tbh i could quote the whole goddam song.

bouncer!eddie and bartender!reader this is another corny as fuck on so hold on, but it's you shook me all night long by acdc lmaooo. sexual chemistry through the roof, so much that it's shocking and appalling?? "she was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean. she was the best damn woman that I ever seen. she's one of a kind, she's just mine, all mine." idk it's silly and slutty and fun just like them!

for janitor!eddie and teacher!reader i've always felt like forever by the beach boys is their song. super sappy and romantic and devoted and that's how they are to each other <3 "if every word i said could make you laugh, i'd talk forever. i asked the sky just what we had, it shone forever. let the love i have for you, live in your heart and be forever. forever, i've been so happy loving you."

older!eddie and reader, this one was hard bc i felt like there was so many to chose from, but ultimately i went with the one song that always takes me back to them and that's chemtrails over the country club by lana. the more i listen, the more it's their song bc "go to the market, the kids' swimming pools. me and my sister just playing it cool, under the chemtrails over the country club. meet you for coffee at the elementary schools. we laugh about nothing as the summer gets cool. it's beautiful how this deep normality settles down over me. i'm not bored or unhappy, i'm still so strange and wild. washing my hair, doing the laundry. late-night tv, i want you only. it's never too late, baby, so don't give up."domestic and sweet.

this is also so silly and sweet and the best thing ever but for hockey!eddie and reader i fucking love the song hello, hello by elton john (yes from gnomeo and juliet lmaoooo). "never gonna find anything to change my mind, famous last lines of a fool. hello, hello. my, my, my, what have we here? sniffing all the flowers, running through an autumn shower, compare it to someone else like me." so fucking silly and so romantic like it's them. happy and silly and in love.

and i know you guys are making fun of me and i don't give one fuck bc i know you're about to do it again with this one bc it's coming completely out of left fucking field for these two!! for mafia!eddie and reader... babe i'm saying it, it's i see the light from tangled yes it fucking is. "all that time never even knowing, just how blind i've been. now i'm here, blinking in the starlight. and it's warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted. all at once everything looks different, now that i see you. all those years living in a blur. if she's here, it's crystal clear, i'm where i'm meant to go." and listen, i could write a goddam essay on how this is them, both of them. living their lives before, thinking they're content, until they met the other and now they're confused how they were ever without the other. real ride or die shit.

for dom!eddie and sub!reader, i always think of i don't want to miss a thing by aerosmith lol. really bc they're a little chaotic but they really do love each other sm. true soulmate shit. "i could spend my life in this sweet surrender, where a moment with you is a moment i treasure. i don't wanna miss one smile, i don't wanna miss one kiss. i just wanna be with you, right her with you, just like this. and i just wanna hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine, and just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time." overly passionate and lovey and dramatic which is just their style.

[randoimago]

Hi, I really enjoyed your post about the Korean reader. Can you write Duwang gang with russian s/o? I would like at least someone to write something similar with my national colouring, if you are not comfortable with it then don't worry about it and ignore the request.

Anyway thank you and good luck◉⁠‿⁠◉

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Character(s): Josuke, Okuyasu, Koichi, Rohan

Note(s): I shall do my best! I also don't know much about Russian culture, but hopefully Google doesn't steer me wrong

Josuke

History and Geography aren't really his strong suits in school (he's not awful, it's just boring). So he likes hearing you talk about your home if you want. Josuke likes to compare stories.

Since he's not on the best of terms with Rohan, he tries to slowly learn Russian to talk to you in it. And he's also happy to help you with any Japanese that you might be struggling with too.

Josuke does wonder how you're doing adjusting to Japan. Sure, he knows Russia isn't a winter wonderland like stereotypes say, but Japan can get humid as all hell in the summer and really hopes you aren't dying of the temperature. He'll do his best to come up with ways to keep you cool.

Koichi

This sweet boy is asking if you're alright, Japan is a long way from home. If you're homesick then perhaps he can find some restaurant that has food similar to what Russia has. Maybe Tonio could whip up something since he's a talented chef!

Koichi is also fascinated to hear about your home too. He knows of some historical things when it comes to Russia due to his history class. And he definitely tried to learn more when he started dating you.

Being "friends" with Rohan has it's perks as Koichi is going to try to learn Russian so he can talk to you in that language. He wouldn't mind if you'd prefer to help teach him, but he likes the idea of being able to communicate with you in your native language fluently.

Okuyasu

Firstly, he asks where Russia is. He's not exactly the smartest tool in the shed. Of course he knows what Russia is (albeit more of the stereotypes with it), but he has no idea where it'd be on a map besides being some frozen wasteland (again, stereotypes).

He likes hearing about your home though. Listening to you talk about it and the things you did growing up is very interesting. Comparing childhood songs or games is something that he does often (he likes reminiscing about happier times with his family).

If you tell Okuyasu about the employed cats that Russia has then he's amazed. He's heard mythologies surrounding cats and he does own Stray Cat now and wonders if he'd be able to employ her somehow…

Rohan

Well, first thing he's doing when he learns you're Russian is asking what you know about the Baba Yaga. It just seems like some folklore that would be fantastic to reference and put into some manga series.

Rohan is pretty well traveled so he's been to Russia a couple times. He enjoys talking to you about your homeland and how it differs from Japan.

He most likely does use the stories you have of Russia for help with his manga. He'd use his stand, but he actually likes you so he's fine with listening to you talk about your childhood and things that you grew up with in Russia while he takes notes.

Taglist: @abellaheart-blog @joestarfoundation

[cha0ticatfy]

✦ 𝑾𝑬𝑺𝑻 𝑪𝑶𝑨𝑺𝑻 ✦

(Ari Levinson x Naive Reader!) One shot

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· Plot: When you travel to the coast for undefined time, didn´t thought in meeting a man with whom you would end up falling in love.

· ¡Warnings! SMUT, +18 ONLY. Naive reader, innocence kink! Age gap (Reader is in a legal age) Explicit language, size kink! Horny thots, Size kink! Pet names (Doll, Princess) p in v Fluff,!! explicit language, mentions of reader losing her virginity, talking about marriage, mention of using condom! if I missed someone please let me know! Not following the RSDR plot

· IF YOU DON´T LIKE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING, MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED.

· Autor’s note: Heyyy I really hope that you like this One Shot, this is inspired in the song “West Coast” By Lana Del Rey, everything written here was thought and written by me, you do not have permission to adapt it for any platform,

English is not my native language, I apologize for writing errors, I will try to improve as long as I keep practicing

· Reblogs, notes and likes are appreciated! Feel free to make requests <3

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University was out, summer vacation never sounded so exciting before, previous years your vacations consisted of going camping with your parents and their friends, listening to boring business talk, and eating so many roasted marshmallows until the sugar completely invaded your system.

But this year is different, coming of age had privileges and disadvantages, but at least you can choose where to spend the rest of your vacation before worrying about finding a job because the university was over.

Going to the coast didn't sound so bad, as a child you went to visit your grandmother a lot and spent most of the time together, until family problems drove you further and further away, fortunately this was the opportunity to recover quality time with your grandmother, or..not? whatever the stay would be nice.

The first days were pleasant, you talked until dawn with your grandmother about stories that both had lived, cooking together, and learning to sew dresses with the old fabrics that she kept in the shed, but without a doubt your favorite activity is the handmade pearl necklaces, in a small wooden box there were different miniatures to make jewelry, and absolutely that was one of your favorite hobbies.

One afternoon you decided to leave your room and enjoy the sunset at sea, only wearing a purple nightgown of soft fabric, admiring the pink and orange colors that were reflected in the water of the vast sea, you slowly entered to swim on the sea, seeing the sea shells and feeling how the small waves rock your body, there is nothing more beautiful than summer on the west coast, or so you thought until when you came to the surface and you saw him.

A 6'8 tall, bearded man with long hair, shirtless, only wearing shorts, he was smoking a cigarette while watching the pink sunset too, he seemed interesting, handsome, and attractive in a way that only he could be.

"hello" an innocent look and nervous smile made him smile a little, his presence was evident, and he could intimidate anyone

"hey" he said as he finished blowing out the cigarette smoke

"Haven't I seen you around here before, tourist?"

"Oh no, I'm here indefinitely, I'm staying with my grandmother for the summer"

"nice" he said as he continued to watch the sunset

"And…. you? Do you live here?

you came out of the sea, the difference in height was noticeable, and in age too, after all he is a grown man

"I work in the mechanical workshop of the city, that's why I obviously live here"

With the cold air and drops of water dripping from your nightgown, your hard nipples were noticeable on the soft fabric of the nightgown.

"You should go in and put on a sweater, you're going to catch a cold in the evening air"

Confused you turned to see the sky just to check the weather, slowly the air changing to a fresh summer breeze

Turning back, you saw him walking to the right, casually leaving.

"hey, wait! what's your name?” you said raising your voice, he turned his head over his shoulder

"Ari" he said as he raised his hand to say goodbye and turned around.

You saw him go away while the fresh wind blew stronger and stronger, you ran through the sand towards your grandma house, you went up to the bathroom and you could see your appearance in the mirror, unruly hair and after all this time, a transparent nightgown that clearly shows your body, you sighed in shame and took a cold shower.

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It had been one week since you saw Ari Near the coast, you simply found him attractive, whatever it was that one day when you were going out to watch the sunset became a routine, going every day without fail to sit in front of the sea and create pearl necklaces and collecting shells by the sand.

You caught Ari's attention, since the first time he saw you that afternoon swimming in the sea, it wasn't very common for his life to have new experiences, business, money, money and business that was his life, he almost never took the time to appreciate cute things like you and to be honest, Ari is an observant man, he paid attention from his balcony while he smoked, he watched how you stayed up late in front of the sea, dancing and laughing alone over little occurrences that only made sense in your head, if only he knew that part of your occurrences had to do with him, and maybe not yet in a lustful way.

He could tell how naive you are by the way you get excited when you see the sea as if it were the first time.

And the next day he was coming back from work, seeing from afar the little lady keeping seashells in her hair.

"Ari…hi!" you said smiling when you saw him, he really didn't seem like a bad guy, and he isn't but a part of him really wanted to push your limits.

“Hello doll how was your day ?” you smiled slightly “Fun, I stayed here, and I stopped by the supermarket to buy some things” you said while watched the man place his backpack on the sand and sit next to you,

He lit a cigarette to take a drag

"Can...Can I try?" You said while pointing your index finger at the cigarette.

"Oh doll, sweet girls like you shouldn't try this, I don't even know if you're of legal age" Ari knew, he knew that you're of legal age, otherwise he would have deprived himself of paying attention to you, anyway he wanted to know how far you would go.

“Well I´m 19, I’m a grown woman and I can try a cigarette if I want” You said as you raised your head to try to reach his height, even though you were sitting there were still noticeable centimeters of difference between you,

"Tell me your name and maybe I'll let you try a little doll"

"y/n" you said while looking into his eyes trying to scan his reaction, you wanted to try new things this summer, smoking is bad you've heard it hundreds of times, but Ari aroused in you the desire to learn new things.

He smirked and passed you the cigarette,

"You have to take a deep breath and release after a while"

you did it, and you thought you did it right, but a cloud of hot smoke passing through your throat, burning you and making you cough said the opposite,

"you see, this is not for girls as pretty as you" he said while patting your back.

"Then why do you like it so much?"you said. "hard to explain doll"

After a while in silence enjoying each other's company, you talked "do you have family here? I always see you alone"

"Well yes I have my family, my brother is in the city and my parents too"

"Oh” after a long pause you talked again “... are you married?" God knows that question came naturally, Ari would think it was an insinuation, of course if the question came from another girl, he laughed but just because your innocent look he noticed that you really wanted to know.

"No, that's not for me" simple answer, you were about to ask him something else, ask him why he believed that marriage was not for him, but he interrupted you by returning the question

"Do you have a boyfriend doll?"

you moved your head to the sides saying no, Ari was internally glad of the answer, he didn't think any boy deserved to be with someone like you, he didn't even think that he was worthy to talk to you, such an innocent girl quickly trusting a stranger who had just know Which would be dangerous if he wasn't as respectful as he's been.

"I liked a boy from the university, but he has a girlfriend" you said wanting to open more to the conversation.

“Well sometimes boys are trash, they miss it”

you laughed loudly, "what?" he said while laughing a little too.

"You sounded like my best friend, she would say things like that"

"How long will you stay here?" he said, his question wiped the smile off your face as you remembered that you had to go home, "I don't know, I'll just go back to look for a job, I'd like to become independent" he noticed how your moods changed "hey don't get discouraged, the world is wide and there are beautiful things in every corner of it, you are proof of it"

"you think I'm pretty" you smiled proud, self-centered, happy that the handsome man said you're pretty

"How old are you Ari?"

"Ouch, do you want to make me feel old? I'm 40 doll"

"oh you're already an old man" fantasizing and thinking about it made you feel butterflies in your stomach, without even knowing why, but risky sounded attractive.

"You really think I'm an old man? An old man couldn't do this" he said and then got up and took you by the waist and carried you. Strong laughter came out of your mouth while Ari carried your body with ease.

"Ari stop! I can't anymore" you said while you ran out of air from laughing so much at the game of chase and catch that Ari was doing

he was getting hard just hearing you say that he likes the sound of your laugh and what you say while you laugh out loud, but he would like to hear it in another context, an adult context.

it was getting dark, the moon reflected in the sea and Ari was hungry "Come with me I know a nice place we could go"

you turned to see your grandmother's house, staying inside, and missing out on the fun was not one of the plans so you decided to accompany him.

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A small restaurant set in the sea, surfboards as decoration and marine animals, phosphorescent lamps and Hawaiian tables, they entered the restaurant, you took two Hawaiian necklaces, you wanted to put one on Ari but he is simply taller, with tenderness he bent down so that you will place it.

The people who worked in the restaurant knew him and looked at you amazed, a 6´8 bearded man, owner of important mechanics from the west coast, together with an adorable and innocent girl with unruly hair and a pale blue beach dress.

He pulled your chair over for you to sit down while you took the menu, "It's really nice here" you said as he ordered the waiter two drinks "do you drink alcohol doll?"

"I've never tried it, but I could try" for Ari that was a resounding no, he didn't want you to end up with a hangover and bad experiences, "I'll order a lemonade with tequila and for her an orange juice"

"and my drink?" a noticeable pout was seen on your face

"You'll try mine; I don't think you'll end up liking it"

You got up from the table when a catchy song began to play on the small restaurant floor, dancing enjoying the moment, you approached Ari to the dance floor, you both danced together and he carefully put his hands on your back without warning you took his hands and you went to your waist, with confidence you saw him smiling and they continued dancing

And that Ari liked that you were sure of yourself,

The night passed normally, enjoying the stories that each one had to tell, Ari drinking his tequila with lemonade, sure that the alcohol had no effect on his system.

He checked his watch to realize that it was already midnight

"Doll we should go back" "but Ariiii I'm having a lot of fun with you" you said with a pout on your face, and Ari was clearly proud of it, "I know doll but we should go back, then I'll take you to more nice places near here but it's time to go" "mmkay" you said as you placed your empty glass on the table,

He paid and you both walk with entwined hands, going back the on way he had traveled since he arrived at the coast years ago, the same path you memorized after spending a few weeks in that beautiful place, swinging their hands as they walked, you both walked in front of the sea, you stopped walking

"Is everything okay doll?" he said trying to analyze if something was wrong, you compared his big and warm hand next to yours, your small and soft hand decorated with pastel pink nail polish, you saw it for a few seconds and you got up to kiss him which took Ari by surprise, he took you by the waist to give you stability while he reacted by taking control of the kiss, it was obvious that it was your first kiss since the lack of experience of your lips showed it to him, he began to get hard, you gave up trying to take control of the kiss, leting yourself be guided by him, the taste of alcohol and cigarettes in his mouth began to please you, a feeling that only happened when you watched romantic movies on television started to be created between your legs.

You both separated due to lack of air before that dominant kiss, he could observe you, illuminated by the light of the moon with puffy lips and tired eyes your where really tired, his erection was noticeable on his canvas pants, you smiled innocently and with lust, to then run quickly to your grandmother's house, you carried your shoes in your hands, your hair free by the wind and traces of your bare feet in the sand leaving a small path on the sand.

"Fuck doll, you will end up being my perdition” he said as he watched your little silhouette disappear as you ran

you arrived home, agitated, happy and with adrenaline that made your heart beat fast, you went up to your room and in your bed looking at the ceiling while you remembered everything that happened in a moment, small tickles in your intimate zone made you tremble, you have never felt something so strong for someone, and it feels so forbidden because you feel it for a man who is years older than you, now you were happy, hot and tired

⠈⠂⠄ ☆⠄⠂⠁ ☆⠁⠂⠄ ☆⠄⠂⠁ ☆⠁⠂⠄ ☆⠄⠂⠁ ☆⠁

the next day you went out again in front of the sea, remembering what happened the night before, excited for the rest of the time here and wishing it would not end, but surprisingly Ari did not arrive at the time he used to do it, it was getting late and you decided enter your house again, your grandmother was not at home, on Saturdays she goes out with her friends and usually she came back the next day so you have one day alone per week, it was around 11 at night, you were in your pants pink plaid and a little tank top with a strawberry embroidered on the front, waiting for the microwave to finish making the popcorn before watching a movie

The doorbell rang which was strange to you because your grandmother hardly ever receives people on her house,

It was Ari, a black leather jacket and a gray shirt, boots, and blue canvas pants, more attractive than you remembered him

"Hello Ari, I didn't know you would come, which is also funny because I never told you where I live" you said joking, you invited him to come forward, "I've come here a couple of times to repair some things, and how careless I would be if I didn't know where my girl lives" he said

his girl you liked how it sounded and it seemed like a nice way he perceived you,

the microwave sounded breaking the silence, the popcorn was ready, you went to the kitchen for a bowl "why did you run doll?" you turned to see him, you felt small for a moment "did you think he was going to come after you and catch you?" you swallowed hard, that wasn't really what you wanted, it was just a bit of fun

"well no, princess I don't run after what I want, I go patiently for it" he went to the kitchen, "well here you are now" you said while he placed behind your ear a lock of your hair "is this a game for you princess?" you moved your head to the sides, it wasn't, but you're such a tease "N..no Ari" he took your chin with his hands so you could see "I like you princess, you're pretty and I promise to be there for you and take care of you, and spoil you, only if you let me"

"Yes," never you a word come out of your mouth so quickly, he kissed you a dominant kiss, claiming what is his "you left me hard the other day" "I guess you finished horny too right princess" how could he know?

"When you kissed me.. I felt ticklish" Ari smirked, "I know doll, where did you feel it?" you gave him an innocent look you both knew where

While he was playing with your lips with his thumb, you opened your mouth to sigh and he took the opportunity to put his thumb in your mouth, instinctively you made way for him sucking his thumb, but he wanted you to use your words, "down there..." you said softly,

"does your pussy tingle when I kiss you like this?" He took your chin again to kiss you, separating the kiss and feeling how the smell of his man's perfume was impregnated on your neck as he passed his lips over your neck "ah...ah...Ari it tingles"

the scratchy effect that his beard produced on the skin of your neck it started to make you feel wet, "so sweet, you smell so good princess, I wonder if you taste as good as you smell"

"Why don't you come check it out yourself?" you said laughing, "oh doll I'm sure you fantasize about me taking you, taking your small and fragile body in my hands and kissing you in such pure places that you have"

"A..Ari..please"

"please what doll?” “what do you want my little girl huh?"

"ah.mm..Ari" meaningless words and monosyllables came out of your mouth while he play with one of your nipples on the fabric of your shirt, "the first time I saw you come out of the sea, you were so pretty, it seemed that the beers that I had taken they were making me see the sirens of the sea, but it was you"

"Ari whait.." he stopped "I really want to do it with you, but I've never had something like that with any man before, please be gentle” he saw you with love and lust, but the lust doesn´t mean to be a dick with you "doll of course I will be, just trust me" He took you by the hand and went out the door, you both walked to his house, you entered and saw the furniture and the comfortable esthetics for such a beautiful house, you both went up the stairs and reached his room, the main room with a large balcony and a bed with black sheets and big white pillows the only thing that illuminated the place was the light of the full moon, slowly he took your shirt and searched your eyes to ask for approval, you nodded and he removed it above your head, your small breasts being attacked by the raspy kisses that Ari gave them "Ah...Ah....Ari I like...I like it"

so sensitive, your first time doing something so impure with someone and even better, someone who really knew what they're doing "those college kids will never know how to do it like me," said while he was lying you on the bed, you watched Ari get rid of her jacket leather and his T-shirt, his muscular body and his hair that went down to his intimate zone made you bite your lip, they were so different, your pale skin prickled when he slowly lowered your pink pajama pants, leaving you exposed to him only wearing little purple panties that matched your skin tone,

"it's not fair I'm almost naked and you're not" you said laughing Ari smiled and started tracing small circles on your clit on top of your panties "Ah.ahg..Ari" meaningless moans and heavy breaths flooded the room, desperate you lowered your panties to give him more access, a wet circle was on your panties,

"So desperate for my doll? "Look how wet you are, all this for me?"

"y..yes..ah. Only for you" he carefully slid his middle finger through your folds making you shake in pleasure, he slowly inserted a finger and you let out a screech of pain , you had never entered that such an intimate place, a little discomfort made you close your legs, he opened them again and with a slow rhythm he place a rhythm

"My perfect and pretty doll, you are so beautiful when you are so clouded with pleasure" after a minute of playing with your clit you started to feel the orgasm "Ari I feel ... Strange...Ari...ah" it was your first orgasm approaching, "let it go for me princess"

"ah..Ari..Ahh" your walls giving you intense pleasure as they squeezed Ari's fingers, "so fucking tight doll" he said, you smiled happily after that feeling of pleasure that made you feel like the air you breathe is purer, you sat slowly on the bed, watching Ari, and of course he couldn't be happier to see you pleased, admiring how your hair, which was always messy, fell slightly down your cheeks,

He unbuttoned his pants remaining in boxers, you approached the edge of the bed and curiously touched his already hard member "fuck, doll"

"you're very hard," you said while you looked at him astonished, he lowered his boxers to reveal his erect member, you opened your eyes in surprise, you've never seen “that” before in real life, "Ari... you're so big, that's not going to fit" you said amazed and worried while you touched him with your hand, cleaning a drop of pre cum from his member

"doll, I'll be gentle " He took a condom out of his wallet, put it on,and you watched intently the process expectantly as to what he would do next. a little convinced you agreed "we won't do anything you don't want to do", "I want to try new things Ari, and I want to do it with you" you told him while he smiled, his erection brushing your stomach, you slowly settled back on the bed, and he guided his member to your entrance

allowing the head of his cock to enter slightly, a groan of pain remind him that he should be careful with you, he began to slowly introduce himself on top of you feeling how tight you are, "so tight, taking me so well, you are perfect princess"

"Ah Ari... It hurts so bad...Ari please" you said as large tears ran down your cheeks, he took your legs and placed them on his waist, you are lying down and he with his feet still on the floor, he leaned down to kiss your cheeks and say nice things to you. distract you from the pain, after a few seconds he began to give some soft but firm thrusts making you release some "huh" of pleasure, while he strongly took your hips and moaned how much he liked being inside you, your breathing became more agitated, you began to squeak his name louder, you were reaching the climax and so was he, while he saw how your small breasts bounced while he rammed you, he could feel

how your walls squeezed him letting him know you were reaching orgasm, "Ari I'm ah..." a loud moan sounded throughout the room when you still felt waves of pleasure run through your body, Ari increased her speed and came inside the condom staying a little longer inside you, while he felt how his breathing leveled off, he took his member out of your pussy and gave a few small blows with it on your clit, making you tremble with pleasure as it intensified your sensitivity

you turned around and smiled broadly as you felt the fresh air that came through the window, sensitivity in your intimate area and a lot of adrenaline,

Ari got rid of the condom and lay with you on your bed, recovering her normal breathing, "Ari i Loved it" you said as you hid your head on his chest, he caressed your back and played with your hair, "You're perfect doll" he kissed you on the forehead, he put it on you his shirt, you smell of him and that makes you feel so good, so desired and loved by the man who since he saw you felt that you were a mirage because of how beautiful you are in his eyes,

You both get dressed after a cold shower you used Ari's bath products, you ended up smelling like him and you honestly liked it, “Ari I feel a little bit sore" you said while you showed him one of the bruises that his strong grip on your hips had left

"I know princess, let's rest, so tomorrow I can take you to see more new places near here" you nodded happily and hugged him, you both went to his bed and he slept hugging you, feeling your essence of red fruits on his sheets, you don't complete each other, you COMPLEMENT each other, and that's all Ari is looking for and all you didn't know you needed.

After all, you don't think you'll need to go back, with Ari you have everything you need, and for work... well eventually some small businesses in the mall ended up making you the secretary of the auto shop on the coast, and Ari can even rethink If marriage is for him.

[laguezze]

PAC: Summer Predictions

it's almost June and I feel like summer tends to be an exciting time for a lot of people! In case you are wondering what are some things summer will bring to you here's a Mamma Mia! Themed PAC for ya.

Minors DNI as one of the piles is a little PG. Please don't. Listen to me. Don't interact!

Here are the piles!

Pile I

Pile II

Pile III

Pile IV

Ready? Let's go!

Pile I

Song channeled: Waterloo

"I was defeated you won the war." "Finally facing my Waterloo."

There's an energy of waiting and release. I'll explain. You've been waiting for something to happen, you've been making moves in the past and nothing came out of it. So now I'm sensing you're just defeated and decided to let go of it. You have learned you can live without this thing happening. And it's when you let go that it happens. Or for some of you, something better comes out of it.

Letting go is a powerful thing, it can bring new things, it gives you peace of mind. And although it's painful sometimes, the sense of release is better than anything else.

So basically, this summer I see you becoming more chill with others and with yourself. You're done waiting and expecting things from people and opportunities, you're done. So you're letting go, learning how to breathe and that will be rewarded.

Things I'm seeing could happen: meeting a promising connection, learning a new skill, getting a job offer, learning how to love yourself.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile II

Song channeled: Dancing Queen

"you are the dancing queen, young and sweet"

"you're a teaser you turn em on"

I'm seeing you wanna have fun this summer. I mean, you chose this dancing pile, so it makes sense.

And I'm not here to blow your fun away. But i am.

So you want to go out and meet new people, get into that hot girl summer mindset. Maybe you've had a boring year or your experiences with summer have always been dull and not special.

I'm seeing someone scrolling on social media, looking at all the fun things people are doing on vacation, wishing that was them.

Well, I'm here to tell you that may not be you. And that's ok.

You're not at that point yet and that's fine. You can't expect to go out and meet people in a place where you know everyone. And if you can't afford to leave that place then it's going to be very difficult doing that.

It's alright to have a chill moment at home, you don't need to be out and about everyday in order for your summer to be exciting. You can meet people other ways, and you can get to know the people you already know better. Deepen some existing connections. Your deep desire of getting everything new is putting you back. You need to appreciate the things in your life before you get new ones. Including people.

Things I'm seeing could happen: finding a good friend, shadow work, journaling, exploring and finding new places in your city, picnic dates, taking care of animals.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile III

Song I channeled: I've been waiting for you.

"You're something I'd been pleading for"

"And finally it seems to me, my lonely days are through"

Great energy here, pile 3. A lot of you have done the work and been introspective and learned how to love yourselves. I'm so proud of that. Some of you spent hours wondering why your FS wasn't here yet and used that to solve some issues within you. Some of you wondered why you didn't seem good enough for this new position, and you did the work and got where you needed to be.

Whatever this thing you wanted was, you've done the work in order to get it. So you will get it. This summer it seems like the universe is giving you a break and granting you a wish. I'm so happy for you guys!

Things I see could happen: meeting a soulmate, getting a new job, getting a pet, buying a new house, leaving home, traveling somewhere you were dreaming of.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile IV

Song I channeled: Our last summer

"Walk around the Seine, laughing in the rain"

"Memories that remain"

You guys will probably travel somewhere small, like a town no one has ever heard of. This might be home for some of you and you'll be going back after a while. I'm seeing this summer will be quite transformative. I'm seeing it will be peaceful and quiet, but that's exactly what you need. Although not uneventful. I'm seeing some drama might happen with old friends. But nothing major. Maybe you'll get a crush on someone or see your old crush again and remember.

This summer is full of nostalgia and old memories. You'll rethink a lot of your goals and values and discover yourself a little more.

Things I'm seeing could happen: meeting a new crush, making a song, fighting with friends, rekindling a romance, losing the v (iykyk), lots of firsts... (Iykyk), flower picking, reading, writing a novel.

If you're a minor reading this why would you do this to me, i told you to leave at the beginning like get off the internet and live your life.

Hope it resonates! 💕

The End

[mikachacha]

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛) 𝙿𝚝. 2

Synopsis: Your relationship with Bada is starting to get rocky, especially after that encounter with Howl.

Warnings: manipulation, gas lighting, love bombing, toxic relationships and behaviours, angst, some light fluff

(A/N: So yeahhh this'll be one hell of a rollercoaster ride)

𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎 | 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 1 | 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 2 | 𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 3 | Part 4 |

Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

You sat opposite Bada, the silence is deafening as you waited for her to explain what the hell just happened and why she didn't mention Howl to you. She sighs and drummed her fingers on the table as she could feel your gaze on her, waiting for her to speak up. Bada met your gaze, reaching to hold your hands and placing kisses on them.

"Baby.. You know that I love you, right? You know that I'm just so set on protecting you and your feelings and the thing with Howl.. I didn't tell you because I thought it wasn't too important. He's nothing, he was just a summer time thing. We dated a bit before I moved to the states but that was it. I cut all my contacts with him, didn't talk to him and didn't even see him until now.. Please don't be mad at me and forget him.. He's no one important." you looked at Bada, you wanted to obey her when she said to forget about Howl but then Bada has been acting really strange ever since you got to Korea. She's been weird and all the things that happened made it hard for you to process your emotions, her words. Everything overwhelmed you.

"I'm tired.. Can we just go home? I wanted to sleep." you told her and she nodded, calling over the waiter to order food to take out so she could take you home.

"I'm sorry baby.. This is all my fault. I promise I'll make it up to you, yeah? I'll make things better. How about we go home, watch some movies while eating the foods I ordered until you fall asleep? I'll even give you a massage so you can relax. We'll be watching your favorite movies or that series you told me about a few days ago. Anything for my baby to make up for everything that happened today and because she deserves it." Bada really knew to say the right words whenever you're upset. Knew how to push all the right buttons to sway you to her. She knew she succeeded when she saw that faint smile ghosting your lips and the excited nod you gave.

When the food arrived, she immediately paid for it before she stood up, wrapping her scarf around your neck as she said she didn't want you catching a cold from the cold autumn air. She grabbed the bag full of food and held your hand with the other before leading you outside and to her car. She opened the door for you before placing the bag at the backseat. She made sure that you're comfortable in your seat before she got on the driver's side and began driving back to her parents' house. It felt like everything was normal again, you and her singing along to the song playing as she drove, laughing along to some jokes and just having a good time trapped in your own little world.

Bada did everything she said she was gonna do with you. The moment you set foot inside her room, she immediately got to work on making the bed comfortable for you, she even grabbed some drinks and a few snacks from the kitchen before playing the series you were really looking forward to watching with her. She'd feed you food, place random kisses on your cheek and your lips when she found it too boring that got you giggling as you snuggle to her side some more. You felt like you're the luckiest girl in the world to have a sweet and very caring girlfriend. Bada even joined you on your skincare routine before you went to sleep just to make you feel so special since you've been practically begging her to do skincare with you.

The next morning, you were up early. You wandered to the kitchen and saw that Bada's mom was cooking breakfast. You asked if you could help her and she agreed which made you feel really happy. It was a bit of a struggle since you don't know Korean that well and she doesn't know English that much but the both of you had a great time talking and cooking together. After everything was done, you helped her set the table and knowing Bada won't be up for another 30 minutes, her mom took out the photo albums and showed you childhood pictures of Bada, even telling you some embarrassing and silly stories from your girlfriend's childhood.

"What are you guys looking at?" Bada asked when she walked in the kitchen and found you with her mom, looking through the photo albums. You just looked at her, a playful grin on your face as you mouthed 'baby pictures' to her. Her cheeks turned red upon realizing and tried to get her mom to stop showing you her childhood pictures but it was too late. You laughed and patted her back, telling her she was a very adorable kid.

Breakfast went by smoothly, you and Bada's mom got along really well. She even asked if you and her could bond over cooking meals which you happily agreed to. It's one way to reconnect to your roots and maybe if she likes you enough, she'd accept you as Bada's girlfriend. Bada told you to get ready for the day as she's meeting with some old friends and that she wants to bring you along. You were pretty excited and got ready after helping Bada's mom clean up after breakfast.

You put on the best casual outfit you could pull off and Bada couldn't help but snap some pictures of you together with you looking so pretty so she can send it to her group chat with her friends. You headed out together and she met with her friends at some restaurant downtown. They were very nice to you, especially Lusher and Tatter. There were some guys as well but you couldn't really remember their names.

It was good at first, all of you laughing together and just enjoying it but then they switched to speaking Korean. You could understand a little but it was hard for you to keep up so you just sat there awkwardly. You held Bada's hand under the table but she quickly took her hand back and went back to talking to her friends. You did your best to not cry there and just stayed quiet the whole time. You felt alone even though you're there with a lot of people. You barely knew them and your girlfriend could care less about you, she couldn't be bothered to check if you're okay or include you in some conversations.

You couldn't take it any longer so you excused yourself, saying you're not feeling well and told Bada you'll just wait in the car. You hurriedly got out of the restaurant and went to the parking lot to just sit in the car. It was much better than being inside there with them but no one is talking to you nor acknowledging your existence. Not five minutes later, you saw Bada storming towards the car and she didn't look too pleased.

"What the fuck was that for?! That was so embarrassing Y/N!" Bada blew off and you were taken aback. You were expecting her to check on you, see if you're okay but you were proven wrong. She's yelling at you for embarrassing her in front of her friends. You couldn't take it any longer, your tears fell as you got out of the car to face her.

"Oh yeah?! That was embarrassing?! You know what, fuck you! I don't know what your purpose is for bringing me here with you. I don't know why you thought it was a damn good idea bringing me with you to see your friends if you're just gonna discard me! I felt so alone there! I was sitting with people who are practically strangers to me and you didn't even give a shit if I'm okay, if I'm doing good or if I'm still comfortable while I sat there in silence not knowing what to do and you let go of my hand as you chatted with them!" you yelled back at her and Bada was a bit shocked when you raised your voice at her. It was like she was snapped back to reality before pulling you in a tight embrace. You tried to get away from her but you were too weak. You just cried and sobbed in her arms, her whispering sorry to you. You begged her to drive you back to her house to which she did.

The whole drive back was filled with silence except for your sobs and sniffles here and there. You feel like shit, you wanted to go back to the states and pretend nothing happened but you also didn't want to leave Bada. Even though your whole relationship is in shambles right now, you couldn't bring yourself to leave her. So with a shaky breath, you placed your hand above hers on the steering wheel which made her look at you for a moment.

"I'm sorry.." you told her, your voice a bit hoarse from all the crying and for yelling at her earlier.

"It's okay, baby.. I love you.." was her response. Not 'sorry' which you wanted to hear but at least she still loves you, right?

[yjwfiles04]

a d m i s t o f c h a o s .

pairing: idol!jungwon × afab!reader | deliberately lowercased.

word count: 3,872 words

synopsis: you were just an ordinary student living a not so ordinary life and also a fangirl of a kpop idol boy group named "enhypen". you were just living your boring life ever since summer vacation had started. then suddenly; your so called 'idols' suddenly showed up in your place.

genre: idol au (?), angst, comfort, fluff

warnings: mentions of past traumas, rape, touching, cheating, rebel, sickness, crying, sobbing, kissing, and more ! (lmk)

author's note: hellooo! this is my first time writing here and i wrote this story based in my dream ㅠㅠ, it may not be exactly the same as what i've dreamed of because i changed few things in the story, cuz ya know that dreams can be a little bewildering and things were just convoluted in there. so yea, hope you enjoy reading and please like and reblog this, pretty please? >_<

ever since vacation has started, all you did was to stay up all night, watch tiktoks, reels, read, draw, eat, and sleep. very typical for an ordinary person who've anxiety interacting with people. aside from those things people says 'boring', you also spend your time stanning enhypen. voting on the awards they participated in, watching their contents, and basically supporting and loving them. you sometimes go biking around your neighborhood with your friend for productivity and simply to be free just for a moment, cause life's not very considerate when it comes to you.

your family runs a sports tailoring shop in the city and there where your family stays. the first floor is where the shop is and the second floor is where you guys sleep. actually, your family have a house, but it's quite far from where the lives of people were running so your parents decided to just stay in the shop so it can be convenient for all.

aside from that, you may have a very tortuous and unique siblings. you are the youngest child in your family, two older brothers and a sister. accordingly, you have an eldest brother who is already married and had a daughter, your sister who is also married and had two sons, a brother who's a year older and just got over a breakup, and there you are; a girl who is obsessed with seven men who doesn't know you (?) and never been in a relationship.

when you were a little, everything seems to go well. of course, you were just a child, they were going to keep things from you because firstly, you won't really gonna understand, secondly; to prevent you from hurting, or so you thought? but then pandemic hits, and nearly all things changed. the kid who's just a kid abruptly has to face affliction, distress, adversity, suffering, misfortune, and sorts of hardships. you were just a kid, a kid who didn't do anything to deserve those... and that experiences, made you different. someone they don't really know, even you yourself at some times don't know who you really are. no one to talk to about what's happening deep down there in your life cause you're afraid they'll judged you, but even if not, they were busy worrying about their own problems. apart from that, you're not a very open person when it comes to problem matter. moreover for almost infinite disasters you've faced and facing, you thought you were just going to be stuck in that place forever, but then you find not just some to escape the admist of chaos in your life. enhypen, a group of men who saves you, made you strong and brave through their motivations, story, and songs.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

after a long physically and mentally exhausting day, you hurriedly cleaned up and hopped on your bed at the top in the bunk bed you and your brother shared. you decided to draw on your sketchbook since you're bored so you took out your phone and find inspiration on pinterest. laying whilst scrolling, you find a drawing of jungwon; a kpop idol you adore and love deeply and find solace of. that catches your interest so you click it and eventually, you decided to draw him. while you're in the middle drawing him, the sleepiness inside you suddenly awoken so you put down your mechanical pencil and doze off, the left side of your face on the top of your right hand while laying flat on your stomach.

you got woken up by the noises downstairs so you decided to go down and check why is it so noisy, you didn't fully go down, just a few steps from the door of the second floor. and just to see the tall men sitting in the seating area of the shop. you rubbed your eyes and go down a few steps more, you were nonplussed by what you see. so you tried to rubbed your eyes more harshly, and when that didn't work, you slap yourself hard enough reasoning for the people downstairs to notice you.

"aww, that hurts," you said to yourself and looked at them again. it hit you, you aren't hallucinating. so you hurriedly go back and lie down on your bed. "what the actual freak?!" you mutter. then someone pulled the curtain that covers you and your bed. "y/n, why won't you go down? they are waiting for you," your mom says. "is that really enhypen?!" said you and scratches your head. "does it look like you're dreaming? take a shower and get dressed so you won't look like a beggar, they have been waiting for you," she says and leaves you.

turmoil still lingers but you did what your mother told you to do. you wear a white shirt with an oversized plaid fannel shirt and a jeans that matches your outfit. as you go downstairs, their attention went on you. you immediately go to the corner where they can't see much of you, looking down straight away. "hey, y/n, don't be bashful. we won't bite," you look up and see jay smiling at you but agitatedly look down. "we came here for you so if you don't come here, our efforts just to see you will end in nothing," heeseung says in a gentle tone but with a jot of irony. feeling fensive, you unconfidently walk towards them eyes stuck on the floor. as you got closer to them and stands still like a statue,

a hand grab yours and drags you to sit beside them. you can tell whose hand is it by just looking at it through your line of site. you know that hand too well to know whose is it. looking at the owner of the hand, you know yourself you're right. it's his hand, the hand of the person who gives you comfort, you can feel him, it's jungwons hand. you looked at him with awe, reverence, hero worship, fondness, tenderness, intimacy, warmth, and you name it. all sorts of love and adornments while you scrutinize over him. he's such an eyesome. no words could describe how you feel at this moment. "it's nice to see you, y/n," he says and flash a smile that shows his dimple. oh you swear to the ones above, it's so surreal.

you smiled back but then again, realization smacks at you, "w-what are you guys doing here?" you said while looking around confused. "that doesn't matter why we're here, what matter's we're here... for you," jake glance and grins at you. you look at them one by one because no matter what process you do in your mind you can't match the puzzles of why they're here. "y/n, don't think too much about why we're here, we don't want to stress you out, hmm?" ni-ki says to make you calm down. you agreed, you don't want to stress yourself about the complexities that are happening right now. the salient here is to make the most of the moment that are here now, right?

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

following the haywire circumstances, enhypen asks you what you wanted to do for the day, you can't think of anything because you don't actually do anything sensible every day since the vacation had commenced. hence, all you could think of is... riding a bike?? (what?)

"you sure you want... to ride a bike?" sunghoon said while scratching the back of his head. he didn't expect you to take them for a bike ride because honestly, he expected something bigger. but of course, as a boring human being you are, that's something big you could think of. and besides, you don't want to ask something materialistic to them, that'll be too much you think. "yeah, this is all i could think of at this moment, i'm so sorry if i disappointed you guys," saying that, you smiled bitterly at them. "n-no, i didn't mean anything by that–", "don't mind him, y/n, he really wants to ride a bike and he's just too perplexed to see you," sunoo interrupted sunghoon then grabs your hand to get the bikes for the both of you.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

what all you did for today was roamed around your town, and when every single one of you were tired, you thought of having a mini picnic for a while by the river where there weren't many people as per the sunset's gradually showing out. after that you thought of inviting them to the fair with you, as it's getting dark; the rides and playgrounds there will be lit up and and little by little, people started going there to wander around. you all enjoyed going there, you played different games like shooting the ball, darts, and so on. heeseung and jay won a teddy bear and they gave it to you, saying it was a remembrance. y'all also ride different types of rides such as the vikings, mini roller coaster, horror train where others told you they weren't scared but when y'all got inside they screamed their lungs out, and more rides. of course when some were hungry each of you decided to eat, you ate dinner there since there were many choices and places to eat.

you can't help but to be amused by this moments with them, even though it's not vain, it's ecstatic.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

after a long magical exhausting day with them, they insisted you come with them to spend the night at the condominium they rented so they could still spend time with you, you have no idea why your family agreed to that but they did. you all managed to watch the movie because you weren't sleepy yet.

while watching, "do you think this will be the finale?" said sunoo abruptly.

despondency etched on his face. you couldn't help but to be stupefied looking at the big screen. "guess everything doesn't lasts forever..." ni-ki answered deeply. it makes you think, that what if, after all the convival you spent together, will it end just like that?

does joy doesn't take long to fade when it comes to you?

you smiled, but the pain is etched in your smiles. nothing lasts forever. forever is a lie. all we have is what's between hello and goodbye. yeah, that's right. forever is not in the vocabulary of the ones above when it comes to you. it's waggish, very very.

tears coming from your eyes, "ey c'mon! it's just a movie, don't fall that easily!" sunghoon says but he's also tearing up. "that's right. of course there's forever. that's not just where forever revoles," jungwon replied and looks at you while you wipe your tears. "okay, okay, let's go to sleep, maybe y'all cry again later," heeseung says and laughs slightly. y'all stand up.

"so... y/n, goodnight?" jake said. "hmm, i guess. goodnight?" you replied. you hugged them one by one, and when you hugged them all except jungwon, you looked at him with bit doubt, nervous to hug him. he gave you an assurance look and take your wrist. then he place it on his back as he places his on your waist. at that moment all you feel is alleviation and solace. you deepen the hug by putting your other hand on his back and he did that as well. after a moment, both of you break the hug and didn't say anything.

"now, let's sleep. goodnight sweetie y/n, see ya?" jake said while yawning, they bid goodbye and went to their rooms so you went in to yours too.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .

since you entered your room, you tried to sleep but no matter what position you took you couldn't fall asleep. because you had nothing to do, you remembered that the condominium has a balcony in the living room where you watched earlier so you thought of going there.

when you got there you saw the glass door was slightly open in the middle, there was a little air coming in causing the curtains to sway a little. you approached it and opened it, there you saw the lights coming from the city and some lights that were on from another condominium. the wind brushes over you. you can also see the pool at the bottom without people cause it's already dark, what caught your attention was the big moon focused on you, the moon is full, and its light is strange along with some shining stars. the moon also works as another ambient light.

you sat on the corner of the balcony and hugged your knees feeling the breeze. all of a sudden, you zoned out looking at the big round moon in front you. you can't help but to shed tears. everything you've been through comes back to you like strike of lightning. all of the suffering returns like a ghost. with everything you've been through, you've handled it, you've been able to handle it on your own. but no matter what you do, they never let you go, the problem's always there, you're like a prey that they keep coming back to hunt. and now you look like a crying child who's sobbing her heart out.

"y/n..." a worried voice called out to you. startled, you wiped your tears and stood up to see who it was. "jungwon–w-what are you doing here?" you swallowed when you said that. "i-i was just going to get some water but then i saw the door was slightly open so i looked to see if anyone is here" he said and also swallowed his own saliva. "a-are you okay?" he looks at you concerned but you just ignored it. "ha... i'm just venting here, i can't sleep–", "you know you can tell me anything, right?" he approached you a little causing you to suddenly get panicked. "h-huh? d-don't worry about me, i'm totally fine–" next thing you knew, he's hugging you.

"even if you say you're fine, i feel like you're not. you can admit that to me, i understand you. and if not, i will understand you… i will try to."

and when he said that, the tears that you'd been holding back since he arrived just plunged. and now, you're a crying mess on his chest. "you can tell me everything, i will listen." as he said stroking your hair. after a few moments of silence and all could hear was your sobbing, you decided to tell a him everything.

"i-i was just a kid... w-when, all the disasters happened..." you start. "at a young age, at a young age i witnessed my mom being hurt because of my father... not physically but i know in her heart, she was hurting... ever since my mom went abroad to support my older siblings, that's when my fater cheated... me and my other older brother were not there yet, so my eldest brother and sister are the ones who e-experienced the suffering from my dad. the worst of the hardships they suffered because my shameless father took in his mistress in our home. took almost every furniture so my older siblings find it hard to survive, almost all of our equipment ended up in his mistress..." you explained.

"but you know what hurts? he touched my freaking sister w-while mom was not there. you know? not only that, apart from some of his attachments, he had a c-child with his other mistresses." i cried while holding his shirt on his chest. "he took drugs, became a drunkard, a womanizer. i grew up witnessing and knowing them because my mother made me aware. and... a-and when the pandemic came... that's when i collapsed like a cliff... i was just sleeping... i'm still young, still young. i woke up to find him on top of me, rubbing his body against me."

there your crying got louder and louder. jungwon didn't say anything even though he was shocked by what you said, instead he hugged you tighter to ease what you're feeling. "i t-told that to my m-mom, she said... she said we she's going to make my dad go to jail, b-but, but it didn't happen... now, now w-we are still living with him under the same roof."

"because of him my life is ruined... j-jungwon, my life is ruined because of him. i don't know how to move forward. because every time i see him, everything comes back... everything. everything i used to do changed. i'm also afraid to wear short clothes, afraid getting close to m-men. then... other than that, various things happened between me and my family... jungw-won, i'm so tired and i don't i know what to do... i don't know how to resolve it." you pulled your hair and continued to cry.

"j-just after those, something... s-something happened with me and my brother. it was also night and i was sleeping peacefully... when i felt my brother behind me and was hugging me... i don't know if it's because of my trauma that am I so s-scared but i feel that he's touching me, i-i told that to my mom again but she just ignored it, she said it's normal for siblings... i know, maybe, but i'm not used to it... only you guys make me feel comfortable... especially y-you. then b-because of that, i thought of running away, they didn't know where i went, they called me by the phone... but i d-didn't answer. t-the river we went to? there was i went, t-they didn't know that place. but because i-i was afraid that if something happens to my mom while she's finding me, so i said i was there, i told my m-mom and she went to see me. she cried, and i didn't mean to make her cry but i want to go away, i want to leave to feel the freedom i've been longing. i don't want to hurt them, i didn't want them to think i'm a rebel, but what can i d-do... that's when i also realized that my sister became a rebel because of what happened to her... n-now, that's not just the only problem i'm having..."

"we're financially unstable and mom is getting old, m-my side line job is not enough to support my c-collage... mom is s-sick, but i can't do anything, i-i want to help her, treat her. b-but i was raised not to be able to express feelings and c-care. i want to h-help her but i just can't. i want to fin-ish my studies but it's hard if we're short on money a-and mom's income is just enough for daily expenses. h-how can i help her in the future if I'm not sure if i have a future. jungwon, i'm s-so tired... i don't know anymore..." your tears didn't have time to dry because they kept flowing.

after you told your story there was huge silence, jungwon just let you cry and pour out your feelings. after what you've said he didn't feel any disgust, irritation, or anything else. he tried to understood you, and even if he didn't feel what you were feeling he understood you. he's there for you, that's the least he's done and could do for you. to be there for you and be your companion thru these tears.

when you calmed down you let go of the hug and looked at him. "thank you, thank you for listening and for not letting me feel my story's nonsense. and for trying to understand me. i am very grateful to you, jungwon." i smiled at him and he wiped my tears.

he smiled back. "shh... i'm here because i want to be the person you can lean on." he holds your right hand and kissed it. at this moment you really know thay he's your solace, a person who you find comfort to. a person who you can tell everything without judgment. a person who try to understand you. a person who's your everything. you love him, so so damn much.

he hugged you once again and broke the hug. you were surprised when he suddenly brought out a box and opened it infront of you. "a necklace?" asked you, he nodded and took it out the box. "i want you to keep this for me. this will serve as your protection whenever I'm not around and whenever you need someone to be with you in what you're going through and what you've been through." he looked at you and slowly attached the necklace. he couldn't help but to smile at the sight of you. you're gorgeous.

he then puts his hands to your cheecks comes closer a bit. "can i?" he asked, asking for assurance.

you nodded, and there he slowly brings his face closer to you until there's no space. he kissed you so gently as if you're something so pure to him and he didn't want to hurt. he kissed you without sexual desire, just full benevolent and endearment. you feel at cloud nine. he then removed his hand from your cheeks and placed it on your waist as you placed your hands on his neck. the kiss deepened and... and... what?...

"y/n, wake up! prof. kim's mad!" said the voice near you. huh? because you haven't woken up and that person shook you. "oh come on, y/n. do you want to be put in detention?" it mutter. when you didn't respond, the person in front speaks loud, "ms. y/n why are you sleeping in my class?!"

you got irritated so you replied loudly, "what?!" the person who tried to wake you up is rather shocked and so is the other students.

"that's it, ms. y/n to the principals office after class. you're already sleeping in my class and now you have the face to scream like that." the professor says who happens to be mr. kim. you looked at the person next to you and saw your best friend. it looks at you like a ghost.

it was all just a dream? wtf?

after the class, apologized to your best friend for how you've acted and immediately packed your things to head to the principals office, when you open your bag you saw a teddy bear you swore wasn't there. "did you put this here?" you asked your best friend who's also packing her stuff.

"no? why would i put that there?" she replied. "maybe you have an admirer," you just look at her confused then suddenly you remember from your dream that you did go to a fair and two people gave a teddy bear to you, it's exactly the same teddy in your dream. then again, you remembered the necklace so you look at them in your bag but there's nothing to be found.

you almost jumped out of your body when you realized that there was a glowing pendant around your neck so you touched it.

"nice necklace, where did you get that?" your best friend asks, and from that moment you became a cement. how can these things be here if you never had anything like this...

could it be real?... isn't that just a dream?

[mewtwoandme]

It's that time again folks!

It's been a hot minute since I've done one of these ask my muse(s) games lol. I'm still in a bit of a motivation funk with art, so I wanna do something else fun. The majority of you know how this works, but here's a run-down for the newbies.

In an ask, send the name of the character with the # of the question you wanna ask next to it

Example: (character's name) 10.

Available Characters: Jericho, Lakota, Amber, Mew, Sivith, Gwen, Jay, Mandy, and I'll even throw in Legion as a bonus future character, just to see how it goes! ^^

Note: ONE CHARACTER AT A TIME PLEASE. I've noticed in the last couple of games that I've done, despite giving specific directions, some people were trying to give questions to multiple characters in one ask. This ain't a kill two birds with one stone type deal, if you wanna ask more than one character a question, it has to be individually.

Alrighty! Go nuts and have fun! ^^

Are you outgoing or shy?

Describe yourself in 6 words?

Are you easy to get along with?

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Do you believe in luck or miracles?

What is your favorite form of self expression?

What are your bad habits?

Do you have trust issues?

Favorite part of your daily routine?

Would you rather live without TV or music?

What song do you listen to when you’re sad?

What do you say during awkward silences?

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?

Do you swear often?

What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

Favourite colour?

Favourite food?

First thing you ate this morning?

Last thing you ate?

How many pillows do you sleep with?

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Cold room with lots of blankets or hot room with no blankets?

Favourite tv show?

Favourite movie?

How are you feeling currently?

Do you regret anything from your past?

Do you come from a big family?

Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Do you like Chinese food?

Favourite book?

Are you currently bored?

What makes you happy?

What's your zodiac sign?

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

What can’t you live without (besides other humans)?

Do you like talking about yourself?

What is the greatest lie you’ve ever told?

How tall are you?

Summer, Spring, Fall or Winter?

Night person or Morning person?

Tea or Coffee?

Are you having a good day?

Do you believe in ghosts?

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?