#sondheim: that wasn't what---

[septembersghost]

it's just that "i was half-convinced i'd waken, satisfied enough to dream you" is such a delicate declaration, yet so ardent. if perhaps you aren't real, if you are something my own mind has concocted, that's enough. (come back to me, even as a shadow, even as a dream.) the mere gossamer thread of fantasy would be enough to fill my heart, would be real enough if you don't exist in this waking world, i'll bring you into it, i'll find you in a dream. "happily, i was mistaken," and have never been so glad to be wrong. you do exist, some miracle of fate led me to that window, and as long as you are real, there is hope to hold onto. that love could be realized too. anthony is the only person in the story who still believes in anything, and it's love. my heart has followed a winding path, and that you exist is enough to persist. in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you. it was real enough to get me through. 'til i'm with you, then i'm with you there.

[winepresswrath]

The thing about Crowley is that he already tried fighting* the system and the end result was his fellow rebels making a new system suspiciously similar to the old system with torture pits and demotivational posters in place of the aggressive hypocrisy and kardashiancore interior decorating. And then after that he decided to fight the apocalypse and the apocalypse thwarted itself with minimal involvement required from him. His biggest contribution was fucking up a simple handoff completely accidentally. His apparent belief that it'll all sort itself out without him or it won't and either way his involvement will be largely irrelevant to everyone but himself is pretty well founded. I'm sure by the end of season three he'll have learned a valuable lesson about how admitting that you want to make positive contributions to the world is something you can do on your own terms and not simply an exercise in opening yourself up to god's preordained judgement and hell's torture pits and but he's old and tired and has probably never been kissed let him have a very specific vision for his retirement.

*ok his version of fighting was probably just asking a lot of very annoying questions and then semi-accidentally joining a rebellion.

[cesium-sheep]

dream about the type of used bookstore that encourages buying a whole cartload and also has some of the books just piled in carts so I was meticulously going through them all. it was fun.

[cutesilyo]

the thing i really like about just for once in nerdy prudes must die is that it's best iteration of the musical within a musical trope that has become characteristic of the hatchetfield musicals

like both show-stopping number and deck the halls (of northville high) are catchy songs from in-universe musicals that were very much written to have plots that suck

and show-stopping number was so well-beloved because it is, frankly, a hilarious scene that robert manion put 100% into

but i argue that only just for once is thematically relevant to its musical and fully emblematic of the wants and desires of the character singing it

because what is just for once, as a scene? it's ruth singing a song because she thinks she's got a chance of doing it better. it's ruth singing a song about a character who looks back on the mundane miseries of her lonely life and — at the last second — remembering who she used to be before the pain set in. it's ruth singing her version of cooler than i think i am and reflecting on how she is perceived and wondering what it takes to break away from it. it's ruth singing right after she says, "in my dreams, i'm the star of the show."

of all the losers that max jagerman victimizes, only ruth says who she'd like to become beyond that. where pete can't even admit to liking steph at gunpoint and richie doesn't ever get the chance to verbalize what he wants, ruth gets on the stage in the few minutes of break time and just for once, the spotlight is on her.

and the really crazy thing about just for once is — it has the "i'm not a loser" motif. possibly the most iconic and important motif of the whole musical, it's the motif that starts the opening number. and here it is, in the silly musical within a musical by the silly character who has — until this song — always served as comic relief.

in the climax of the song, just for once is no longer the song of a character from the barbecue monologues. it's ruth's. in those few seconds, it's her lamentation of the life that max jagerman forced on her.

but that's the thing about the "i'm not a loser" motif. the way it functions in the musical is as a harbinger for max's violence. the police at the beginning ask, "what the hell happened here?" and its the motif that answers. pete is the first character that sings the line and is immediately beaten up by max in the next scene. then richie sings it and max kills him in the same song. when ruth has the motif running as the crescendo to just for once, it sounds absolutely incredible... and it should come as no surprise when max appears shortly after.

(as a quick note: you can also hear the motif after max makes the car crash, then max appears two scenes later. you then hear the motif in the cooler than i think i am reprise and max also appears right after the song. it's like max is instantly summoned by any instance of the losers trying to shake off the role he placed on them — of trying to defy him.)

tl;dr: the inclusion of the "i'm not a loser" motif in just for once makes it the big lipped alligator moment that wasn't. like yeah, it accomplishes its goal in being the funny musical within a musical trope! the character acting makes it a funny song, and its a funny character performing it! but it also furthers our understanding of ruth AND of what the "i'm not a loser" really is: it's the characters trying to develop past being nerdy prudes and max doing everything in his power to prevent that.

and it does all that while being a banging musical tribute to stephen sondheim and, especially, his song the ladies who lunch. which in itself is a massive flex on jeff blim's part. what a brilliant song in a brilliant musical.

[marybeatriceofmodena]

What did Andrew Lloyd Webber do to make Patti Lupone upset? Sorry, saw your tags and i was curious

Oh.

Oh honey.

You sweet child.

Anyway, get ready for one of the most infamous showdowns in all musical theatre history, with the guy who writes the straightest musicals on Broadway (derogatory) and the one and only, the matriarch, the queen, two three-time Tony award winner Patti LuPone.

So, Andrew Lloyd Webber was basically kind of a boy genius in his prime - he met his future collaborator Tim Rice when they were 17 and 20 respectively, he wrote his first big hit, Jesus Christ Superstar, at 22, with Tim Rice writing the lyrics. And it was kind of a big deal at the time because the topic was controversial (you know, the Passion with rock music), but also because Broadway wasn't that far off from its golden age and let's just say the music and style were very different from, say, My Fair Lady. Or The Sound of Music. Or Funny Girl. It was basically the Rent/Hamilton of its time. (Yeah, Stephen Sondheim was around at that time, he worked on West Side Story which was revolutionary in of itself, but he's kind of an oddball in this case. You'll understand why later.)

Their real follow up (I'm not counting Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat for a variety of reasons) was a little musical called Evita, which you might know mainly because of a song called Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Or at least, your mom has probably heard it once at the very least. It's that song that's oversung from a musical while being out of context along with I Dreamed a Dream for Les Misérables. Or Memory from Cats.

Evita tells the story of Eva Peron, the wife of an Argentinian dictator, who basically screws her way to the top and ends up becoming the mistress of Juan Peron and the most beloved woman in her country through guile and deceit. Yes, I know the historical accuracy is very much debated but I know jackshit about Argentina's history except the bare basics so don't come at me. It was first produced in the West End in London, with Elaine Paige in the role, but because of Equity issues, she couldn't reprise her role for the Broadway production. So a Julliard graduate who was mostly starring in David Mamet plays got the part instead, and that was Patti LuPone.

Patti... did not have a good time during Evita, because the part is basically the kind of score where you can tell the composer is used to writing male parts, but most female singers have a two-octave range (yes, you got Julie Andrews who used to have a three-octave range, and many others, but they're exceptions), so she struggled a lot. That being said, if you listen to live recordings of her, you wouldn't be able to tell, and it got a lot easier later on. But she had this to say:

"Evita was the worst experience of my life. I was screaming my way through a part that could only have been written by a man who hates women. And I had no support from the producers, who wanted a star performance onstage but treated me as an unknown backstage. It was like Beirut, and I fought like a banshee."

This is from Patti's autobiography, which she wrote in 2007 - 8 years after shit with ALW went down. With all that said, she won a Tony Award for Evita, and she pretty much became a musical theatre household name from then on. She played Fantine in Les Misérables, Nancy in Oliver!, Reno Sweeney in Anything Goes. Meanwhile, ALW's next big hits were Cats (I'm not even kidding, Cats was a hit), and, you guessed it, The Phantom of the Opera, which he wrote in part to showcase his then wife Sarah Brightman's triple threat talents.

So, you need to understand before I continue that ALW, from my perspective, has always had a bit of an inferiority complex. He's basically associated to writing these commercially successful musicals that show a big spectacle but aren't ultimately substantial. I'm not sure I entirely agree with that, but I do think that if he didn't have Hal Prince, Maria Bjornson, Charles Hart and Gillian Lynne backing him up for Phantom, it would have probably been a Rocky Horror Picture Show knockoff people would have forgotten about pretty quickly. This is what I mean:

Yep, that was Phantom before any of the people I mentioned above (and Michael Crawford) were really involved.

Remember how I said Stephen Sondheim was an oddball? The thing with him is that his musicals weren't always commercially successful, but in general, in part thanks to being Leonard Bernstein's protégé, he was generally pretty well-respected and it was considered that his work was bringing musicals to a whole other level. Without Sondheim, you wouldn't have Jonathan Larson, and you wouldn't have Lin-Manuel Miranda. I am convinced ALW is resentful of that, and when you stop and think about it for more than 10 seconds, it's so obvious he REALLY wants to be Sondheim or at least command the same level of respect, but that's a story for another day.

So, after Phantom, ALW had other musicals that followed that either got a meh reception or outright flopped. Then there was Sunset Boulevard, which is based on the movie of the same name with Gloria Swanson. Despite all of her griefs for Evita, Patti LuPone agreed to partake in the musical as Norma Desmond, for its production in London, with the promise that she would transfer to Broadway once that production would open. And overall, after a string of flops, Sunset was actually doing pretty well.

HOWEVER. One day, while reading the gossip column of a newspaper, Patti found out that contrary to what she was promised, Glenn Close, who was meanwhile starring as Norma in the Los Angeles production, was to play Norma on Broadway. That was a complete surprise for her since no one on the production team had bothered to tell her it was happening - and keep in mind that for the news to come up the way it did in a gossip column, it probably would have necessitated a delay of a few weeks between the producers and the newspaper, which would have given them plenty of time to break the news to Patti. And Patti kind of needed the leg up because she was pretty bitter that a) Madonna was cast in the Evita adaptation instead of her; b) they actually lowered the key to fit Madonna's voice range, and she still had to expand her own to be able to sing the (lowered) score. And trust me, Patti is mad about it to this day.

So of course, she trashed her dressing room, the cast and crew weren't even mad about it because they were as shocked and angered as she was by the news. Patti sued Andrew Lloyd Webber for breach of contract, namely for 1 MILLION DOLLARS (yup, those are the real numbers), won, used the money she got from the lawsuit to get a swimming pool, which she called (and I SHIT YOU NOT) the Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool. Since then, Webber is dead to her, to the point rumor has it she had part of a building blocked during an event so she could get out of it without coming across Webber, because she hates him so flipping much she doesn't even want to be in the same building as the guy.

(There's also drama that happened with Faye Dunaway who was supposed to replace Glenn Close after she went from Los Angeles to Broadway, except they abruptly closed the show down after Close left, but that's a story for another day)

So with all the bad press, and with ALW forced to pay 1 million dollars for Patti's lawsuit, that led Sunset's productions to close earlier than expected. ALW has stayed around since, with... mitigated output, so to say. The lowest point for a lot of people is Love Never Dies, the sequel to Phantom, which some people love, and that's fine, but it didn't do well with either critics nor fans of the original show, which ALW is EXTREMELY BUTTHURT ABOUT. And like, there are so many stories I could tell about LND alone, but I will share my own crack theory about it, since it does relate to the ask.

Anyway, buckle up.

So. There have been jokes going around for years that the Phantom in LND is basically ALW's self-insert, where he displays to the world that he's totally not over Sarah Brightman leaving him (in part because making Phantom kinda ruined their marriage lmao), despite, you know, having married since. (Aaaaaakward.) So LND basically becomes this really uncomfortable therapy session where a man writes a self-insert musical about how his ex-wife made a big mistake of leaving a sensitive artistic soul such as himself. The characters from Phantom who appear in LND are all more or less unrecognizable as a result, and one who gets it worse (in my humble opinion) is Meg Giry, who was basically Christine's sweet and loyal ballerina friend who basically went into the Phantom's lair on her own to save her friend despite the danger. In LND, she's basically a bitter hag (because ALW hates women, guess Patti was right about that), who really likes the swim and even has a stripping vaudeville number about it, written in universe by the Phantom, no less.

For comparison, here's Don Juan Triumphant (the Phantom's opera in the original):

And here's Bathing Beauty (the vaudeville number):

Yeah, so... do you see why people hate LND already?

And that's not the only thing with Meg! She's also pining for the Phantom to pay attention to her and threatens to drown the Phantom and Christine's secret love child when he makes it clear that he's gonna love Christine for EVA AND EVA.

So, with everything we learned today about ALW, would someone like him view someone like Patti LuPone as some sort of crazy, bitter diva who's obsessed with him for whatever reason? Absolutely. Would he be petty enough to insert Patti LuPone into his self-insert musical, which gave us the version of Meg Giry we got in LND? Of course. Why does Meg love to swim so much and why does she drag Gustave out ostensibly for a swim? Is it a dig at Patti's Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool? Maybe.

I kind of hope we find out one day if that theory is true. And maybe start a kickstarter so Patti can add this painting from the 2004 movie in her collection.

Fun fact: during the process of casting for the 2004 movie adaptation of POTO, ALW allegedly suggested Patti LuPone to play Carlotta... only for Joel Schumacher to have to awkwardly remind him that they were not on speaking terms. The idea was therefore promptly dropped.

[harrowscore]

to take your mind of the foreboding WH movie adaptation disaster: Are there actually some non-English gothic titles you would like to recommend?

ohhhhh, what a good ask!

now, i'm actually not that well-versed in the gothic genre as i'd like to be, and if anyone has more recs they're welcome to add them to my list. but still, let's begin with:

gaston leroux, le fantôme de l'opéra (+ andrew lloyd webber's musical - which is hugely popular, as it should be! - and i'd also recommend the 1925 silent movie with lon chaney. it's probably the most faithful film adaptation of poto... too bad for that ending tho. there's also a prequel/retelling book by susan kay called phantom, which is very good - but not flawless - except i heavily dislike christine's characterization in this one; you can always read until the counterpoint section and call it a day)

victor hugo, notre dame de paris + the musical adaptation by riccardo cocciante. it's in french, but i also enthusiastically rec the italian version - you can find both of them on yt!

so, besides these two super famous classics, there's the poem the demon by mikhail yuryevich lermontov. you can find an opera rendition of it by anton rubinstein.

speaking of opera, béla bartók's bluebeard's castle - aka a gorgeous adaptation of the fairy tale by the same name. this version is particularly excellent, and there are also a lot of good album recordings on spotify. musically-wise, tho, it's maybe not easily accessible to people who aren't already familiar with opera...?

charles gounod's faust (again, an opera!) and various non-english versions of the story, like goethe's. by goethe there's also the poem der erlkönig. here a beautiful musical rendition by franz schubert.

panna a netvor aka "the maiden and the monster", my favorite beauty&thebeast movie adaptation. it's a 1978 czechoslovak film, you can find it here on yt with eng subs. and idk if i would say it's gothic but there's also the jean cocteau 1946 film + another french one filmed in 2014 starring léa seydoux and vincent cassel.

fyodor dostoevesky, the double

carlos ruiz zafon, the shadow of the wind (which i enjoyed, but i wasn't personally crazy about, though)

it's not gothic - it's magical realism, actually - but fans of the genre would possibly like gabriel garcia marquez's one hundred years of solitude for its themes

again, not gothic (i've seen it labeled as "dark academia" but. for some people anything is ~dark academia, including dostoevesky and the picture of dorian gray, for some unfathomable reason), but i'd rec vita nostra + its sequel, assassin of reality, by ukrainian authors marina and sergey dyachenko. there's an english translation and an italian one for my mutualiani, plus a third and final book coming out in, maybe, 2025.

the cabinet of dr. caligari + the man who laughs starring conrad veidt (😳😍) - the latter is an adaptation of the victor hugo's novel by the same name

for other movie recs, the original nosferatu + dario argento's suspiria (which has also a more recent remake by luca guadagnino of challengers fame)

fosca by igino ugo tarchetti. didn't read the novel, but i watched the musical adaptation by stephen sondheim, passion, here (and that's in english). again, idt if it's gothic or even gothic-adjacent but fosca's character has been compared and contrasted as a female version of the phantom of the opera by musical theatre fans, so. here it is.

now, for things i didn't personally watch/read so i can't vouch for them, but they seem all well-written/made nonetheless and belong to my unending list(s) of books to read/films to watch:

vampire hunter d. (anime)

john ajvide lindqvist, let the right one in (novel + movie adaptation)

marina enriquez, our share of the night + things we lost in fire (novel + short stories collection)

(mind you that these recs conflate a lot with the horror department. but i still think they could be interesting for gothic fans)

two book series that are written by english authors but i think they deserve more attention:

mervyn peake, gormenghast

jonathan l. howard, johannes cabal (which contains huge references to faust, dracula, and works by poe and lovecraft. the protagonist has also become one of my favorite characters of all time, i've fallen in love with him at first... page, i guess lol)

and that's it! again, if anyone has any other good rec, please feel free to add them!

[dan-berry-on-a-magnett]

Little Au I made one night and thought it would be fun. @sondheim-girly I went with 2 lol(will become a story later on)

What if pony and brill were seat mates in math. What if pony helped brill one day in class. What if this sparked a friendship and protection.

————————————————————————

Clark Brillstein hated school. He didn't know if it was from the fact that he sucked so bad in math that he,as a junior, was in a sophomore math class or the fact that apparently there's no last name in between br and cu.

He was stuck sitting next to a dirty greaser.

And to make matters worse they were not normal one person desks. They were those weird desks that sat two people. So he was stuck sitting next to a fourteen year old. And not only was he sitting next to a fourteen year old greaser,he was always front row to see his perfect scores.

Like today,getting his test back with a 40% on it while the greaser had a 98%.

He signed and slammed the test on the desk and put his head down. But he could see the greaser looking at him from the corner of his eye.

̈What are you looking at grease ̈He sneers out

̈Your not stupid ̈The young boy responds,eyes meeting the grey eyes of the soc

̈What ̈Brill looks at the boy confused,of course he was. He wouldn't be in this class if he wasn't

̈You're not stupid ̈The boy goes to grab his paper. ̈You have everything here correct ̈ He circles the work. ̈You're just inputting it wrong. You need to not rush it ̈ The boy takes out a piece of paper and copies the problem down to the paper along with the work. ̈Try it again ̈

Brill takes the pencil from the desk,looking up suspiciously but works on the problem. After around 3 minutes he puts the pencil down. The boy grabs the paper and looks at the answer, he puts it next to his and shows Brill a shocking revelation.

The answer was correct. Down to the dot.

̈You rush ̈ The boy takes his paper back ̈You try and seem cool by rushing but thats your down fall. ̈

Brill is still looking at the paper in shock; he puts the paper down and stares at the greaser next to him.

̈Why are you helping me grease,you have every right to sit and laugh ̈

The boy looks up ̈Its not my style were all just people trying to make it in this life ̈ Brill looks forwards ̈Huh,Guess your right parry ̈

̈It's Pony ̈

̈Right ̈

̈Go sign up for retakes ̈Pony points at the sign

Brill looks at him

̈GO ̈Pony all but yells,pulling out his book

̈Alright,alright I ́m going jeez. ̈He stands up ̈Boss ass kid ̈he mumbles under his breath.

̈I heard that ̈ Pony remarks,not looking up from his book

[madsworld15]

Letter to Gavin Creel

Dear Gavin,

I was in the middle of a major website project at work on Monday when I heard that you had passed away. For the first time in my life, I actually sobbed hysterically at the death of someone famous. When I say sobbed hysterically, I mean unable to focus on anything because my eyes were too wet and my chest was too tight. I hadn’t cried like this since the day my grandmother died four years ago.

You see, I don't usually get this visibly upset when people in the public sphere pass away. Sure, I was sad when people like Sondheim, Betty White, and Robin Williams died. But I've never been so upset that I couldn't function. That is just your impact on the world, for me and so many others.

The last time I saw you in person was in 2017 at the stage door of She Loves Me. Despite it having been years since then, I believe that if we’d met at a stage door or other event today, you’d still recognize me. Because that is the type of person you are. I guess were, now that you’ve passed, but I can’t find it in myself to talk of you in the past tense. It just doesn’t seem real that someone so full of life and immortal is no longer here with us, dancing through this thing called life.

You don’t know this, but I got to see you perform in my favorite musical, Into the Woods, when the tour came to Philadelphia in April of last year. It was a last-minute decision that fell on a weeknight, so I couldn’t stay late afterward to stage door. Of course, I thought to myself that I’d have plenty more opportunities to see you work your craft. Now that you’ve passed, I wish I had said “fuck it” to having to be at work the next day and stayed to chat with you.

Like so many of those who looked up to and admired you, I first discovered you when I was in HS watching Eloise at the Plaza. As a child, I had adored the Eloise books, so naturally, I was excited to see a film made about the precocious girl. Back then I had no idea who you were, just that your name was attached to the character of Bill. I adored Bill and his silly, over-the-top theatrics and became obsessed with watching the movie just for him – though Eloise was great, too.

Then, as a freshman in college, I started talking to this person from New York City through a mutual fan group on Facebook. She encouraged my very limited knowledge of musical theatre and introduced me to so many new things. One of them was a bootleg recording of Hair from 2009. The energy you exuded on stage was palpable, even from the grainy 2000s video.

At that point in my life, I was sure I would never get out of Kansas. I knew I was different and didn't fit in with the other people in my small-town Kansas community. By the time I left and moved to NY in 2013, I still wasn't sure what my identity was, but I was certain I belonged to the queer community. Upon arriving in New York, I quickly found myself immersed in the musical theatre community there.

One of the first shows I saw was The Book of Mormon. I would visit the theatre at least once a week, sometimes even twice. I didn't really have the finances to do that, but my mental health demanded comfort, and that show was where I found it. So, once or twice a week, I would play the lottery or do standing room.

By the time you moved from The Book of Mormon on the West End to Broadway, I was ready for you but also hesitant to love you because your predecessor, Nic Rouleau, had had such a profound impact on my mental health and self-worth. From the moment I met you, though, I knew I could never have any feelings other than love for you.

Sure, I already knew I loved you as a performer from the years of watching bootlegs of your performances, listening to your EPs, and loving you in Eloise. However, my connection and attachment to The Book of Mormon was so great that each time the leads switched, I had a hard time adjusting.

It was different with you, though. You immediately took me under your wing and made me know I was important to you. That first night, you forced me to hand over my phone for our photo, and you scrolled through filters until you found the one you wanted. Then you insisted we do silly faces, that serious faces weren't needed. It was as if you knew I needed comfort more than a professional stage door selfie.

Over the course of the year you were part of the Broadway company, we interacted many times. Every time you saw me, your face would light up, you'd insist on a silly photo, and then you'd ask me if I was doing okay and how work was going. You genuinely wanted to know. It was something that got me through those extremely dark days of working a job I hated but not knowing any other path I could go on.

I didn't ever tell you this, but those moments kept my suicidal thoughts during that time at bay. Knowing I could swing by the stage door at any time, whether I'd seen the show or not, and talk to you was what got me through. We never talked about anything profound or world-changing, but you asking me about my day and encouraging me to find my passion changed my whole life.

After you left Mormon, I didn't see you again until the final days of She Loves Me. I fully expected you to not remember who I was, but you did. Once again, your smile grew at the sight of me, and you made a joke while wiggling your face to emphasize the mustache on your face. I wish I'd taken more time to tell you about my life that day. To connect more with you, but I didn't.

I had no way of knowing that would be the last time I would see you perform for many years. Not long after that, my finances took a major hit, and I moved to NJ, making trips to Broadway a bit harder to accomplish. So, I wasn't able to see you in Waitress or Hello, Dolly. But, man, did I want to. I did have the chance to watch clips of you in these shows and bask in the glory of your singing voice and stage presence, even if it was from afar.

I started to understand myself more clearly and made friends who helped me find an identity that made sense to me. Then, 2020 hit, and I suffered quite a few losses in my family. I struggled to keep my head above water, but my queer friends reminded me that there were things worth living for. Through these friendships, I started to find my way out of the mess I was in and found joy in musical theatre again. I started to listening to your personal music and the cast albums of your shows. It wasn't the only music I listened to, but it helped me get through the most.

Then, Into the Woods happened. By this time, I had started to be a co-leader in a local Tri-State Queer group. We would all get together and talk about TV, Broadway, Music, and Movies. It was so rejuvenating. A group of us got tickets to see Into the Woods on Broadway, but I couldn't be part of that due to finances. However, my best friend works for Ticket Philadelphia, so he promised that I could go with him when it came to Philadelphia on tour.

And that brings us to the close of this letter. I got to see you exude that joy all over the stage one last time in Into the Woods on Tour. It was one of the best nights of my life. Your performance of Agony will live on in my memories forever. As will your performance of I Believe in The Book of Mormon.

I never got around to telling you this in person, so I will say it now: Thank you so much for all the moments in my life that your presence or your voice got me through. Your passion for life and love was always awe-inspiring, and it's what I will carry with me through the years. We all deserved to see you do so much more in the world of Broadway, musical theatre, and beyond. Life truly is unfair, but I'm grateful for what I was able to experience with you.

Rest easy, dance often, and spread your sunshine from the beyond.

Mads

[mcflymemes]

TICK, TICK... BOOM! PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the 2021 film, adjust as necessary

lately, i've been hearing this... sound.

the fuse has been lit.

i wasn't sure whether you would want me here.

you're thinking about how to turn this into a song, aren't you?

what's the point of having money if you can't spend it on the people you love?

make a wish.

why didn't you tell me sooner?

i can't keep waiting. this is my life.

i've been telling you for months how unhappy i am.

in just over a week... i will be thirty years old.

can we go inside now? i'm just... i'm sorry. i'm scared i'm beginning to lose sensation in my extremities.

i've heard the dancing is amazing, but the music sucks.

in eight days, my youth will be over forever and what exactly do i have to show for myself?

you are an angel on earth.

is this real life?

you know what, [name]? i'm done.

i don't know how to get through to you anymore. you keep shutting me out. you put up these fences.

i could get used to you.

well, guess what. you're not stephen sondheim.

i don't understand how you can take any of this seriously.

this has never happened to me before.

you are such a baby.

this is the last time. seriously.

you didn't have to say it. it's implied.

what are you doing with your life that's so noble?

then what are we even...? what do you want?

you're not going to pay. i don't want you to pay.

i like to see if i can write a song about anything.

somebody needs to take out this trash.

oh, spare me the self-righteousness.

this has been sitting here for a week.

you're coming next friday, right?

hey, can we talk about how amazing you were tonight?

you know how much he loves making a fuss. especially about you.

this is the biggest break i've ever had. this is that moment.

you need to ask yourself: in this moment, are you letting yourself be led by fear or by love?

can't you be optimistic?

you just quit?

are they paying you?

i'm allowing myself to be led by love.

i wish you didn't have to think like that.

how will i ever survive?

it's expensive to make art.

how are you going to pay for that?

you know, for someone who's broke, you could probably spend a little bit less on party planning.

have you found a new roommate yet?

what time's the show tonight?

i'm leaving you my mix tapes. you can play them in remembrance of me.

thank you for being so supportive of my work.

actually, it's not just show tunes. it's a very eclectic mix.

i'm happy for you. i really am. i mean, i'm also extremely bitter and jealous and envious and hateful toward you right now...

i'm the future of musical theater.

i just needed some fresh air.

you know, you're the only person who's ever said that. just so you know.

it's going to be quite the event.

so can i count you in?

call me if you need inspiration.

you know how stubborn he is. he's a pain in the ass.

why can't i write this song?

thank you for your patience.

um... can you explain it, maybe?

thank you for everything.

nobody is doing enough. i'm not doing enough.

why didn't you tell me you were coming?

can we talk about it tonight?

i'd love to take you to lunch, celebrate your birthday.

you're going to write the next great american musical in the next ten minutes?

[droughtofapathy]

The Gilded Age's Broadway Divas: Aurora Fane (Kelli O'Hara)

Beloved by all, Aurora Fane enjoys a powerful position in Mrs. Astor's New York. Having suitably recovered from impending financial ruin last season, this season, Aurora has done some ill-fated matchmaking, worn some fantastic hats, and provided beautiful window dressing to scenes where she just sits there and looks pretty.

One of Broadway's (few) leading sopranos, Kelli O'Hara is a dying breed. As trends shift towards a more pop/rock sound, and classical musical theatre becomes a thing of the past, Kelli nevertheless finds her niche. A seven-time Tony nominee, Kelli has won Best Leading Actress in a Musical for the 2015 revival of The King and I. You'll recall another Gilded Age Diva who won for that same role some years prior. A proshot of the NT Live production can be found online. It is a gorgeous shoot, even if I take issue with that show as a whole.

She has also been nominated for Kiss Me, Kate (2019), The Bridges of Madison County (2014), and The Light in the Piazza (2005). Ironically, though Aurora Fane supports The Academy, Kelli is a classically trained opera singer who has appeared on the Met Opera stage three times, and will play Laura Brown in an encore run of The Hours this spring. (See my breakdown post over costumes here.)

However, prior to her opera appearance, Kelli will be starring in the new Broadway musical Days of Wine and Roses for a limited 16-week run, opening on January 28th. Kelli has been nominated for every role she has played since 2005, and this will almost certainly be no different. Booked and busy.

#1: "Shall We Dance?" The King and I (2015)

Kelli's voice is otherworldly angelic. That much we already know very well. The King and I opened in 2015 at the Vivian Beaumont Theatre at Lincoln Center, the third musical Kelli has starred in at that venue. The Beaumont is, of course, right next to The Met Opera, and the only Broadway theater outside the theatre district in Midtown.

As Anna Leonowens, Kelli travels to Siam to teach the children and wives of the king how to speak English. Orientalism aside, the show is a classic Rodgers and Hammerstein, and the score is divine in Kelli's mouth. Fun fact: Kelli's replacement was Marin Mazzie in one of her last onstage roles. Marin was the Passion co-star and dear friend to Donna Murphy, our Mrs. Astor.

This video is from the 2015 Tony performance and showcases the incredible quick change Kelli makes between singing "Getting to Know You" and "Shall We Dance?" aided by a team of unbelievable dressers. It is a marvel to witness. As is Ruthie Ann Miles, Kelli's co-star who recently performed in the Encores! production of Light in the Piazza.

#2: "What More Do I Need?" Take Me to the World: A Sondheim 90th Birthday Celebration (2020)

In 2020, despite a global pandemic, the theatre community still found a way to honor Stephen Sondheim's milestone 90th birthday with an online concert. Kelli performed a song from Saturday Night, Sondheim's first professional musical that was slated for Broadway in 1955, but was scrapped. It only got its New York premiere in 2000. This particular number is a cabaret favorite, and Kelli is an absolute delight with just a camera and digital accompaniment.

Fun fact: it wasn't until this particular performance that I truly started to appreciate the wonder that is Kelli O'Hara. I had previously seen her in concert just that March, and loved her, of course, but I have a complex relationships with sopranos. I now recognize that I love mature sopranos, but it's the ingenues I can't listen to without wincing.

#3: "They Don't Let You In the Opera" (2016)

Lest we think Kelli is limited in her range and style, this song was written especially for her to showcase her vast talent and comedic timing. Kelli, an Oklahoma farmgirl, isn't the sort of person you'd expect to be both classically trained and country literate.

Kelli, who has been typecast as refined and often repressed characters who go through harrowing emotional experiences, much like Aurora Fane, is more than capable of bringing a rollicking comedy to the mix.

This number is a favorite in Kelli's concert repertoire. There isn't much more to say, except that you need to witness its hilarity for yourself.

#4: “Heaven? Somebody else’s heaven?” The Hours (2023)

Speaking of opera, here is an excerpt from a scene in Act II where Laura Brown has fled to a hotel room to contemplate some very serious courses of action. Kelli, alongside soprano Renee Fleming and mezzo-soprano Joyce DiDonato, makes up a trio of phenomenal women in Kevin Putts' adaptation of the book and movie.

The Met Opera theatre seats nearly 4,000 people across six levels. The performers do not use body mics or amplification of any kind, but rather rely on intense vocal training to be heard across the theater. For this reason, alongside the vastly different vocal techniques and styles, musical theatre actors rarely cross over into opera, and vice versa. Notable exceptions include Renee Fleming, Kelli's Light in the Piazza co-star Victoria Clark, and Mary Beth Peil, who made her musical theatre debut in The King and I as yet another Miss Anna, hers in 1985.

#5: "So in Love," Kiss Me, Kate (2019)

Starring in yet another Golden Age musical revival, Kelli brings a different take on Lilli Vanessi, a glamorous movie star in a turbulent relationship. Kelli's vocal talent, of course, speaks for itself. For Kelli, this role was a tribute to her dear friend, the late Marin Mazzie, who had passed away some months before the show opened. Marin, who replaced Kelli in The King and I, had played this same role in the 1999 Broadway revival to great acclaim. In her first entrance of the show, Kelli wore a costume that featured the very same hat Marin wore in her show.

Though this video is beloved, my personal favorite rendition can be heard below. It was taken at a concert Kelli put on at the 92Y in New York last February. In it, Kelli sings for and to Marin, and the entire theatre wept.

Bonus: "Back to Before," Ragtime Reunion Concert (2023)

The role of Mother was originally workshopped by Donna Murphy in Toronto in the early 90s, but she left to do King and I, which worked out well for her. In came dear friend Marin Mazzie, who originated the role on Broadway, and established a precedent no other has been able to top. Also in that cast? Audra McDonald as Sarah, for which she won a Tony, of course.

In 2023, after years of pandemic-related delays, they staged a one-night reunion concert of this special show. And who better to take on Marin's iconic role than Kelli O'Hara? Listen to her "Back to Before" here, and then do yourself a favor and run, don't walk, to listen to Marin's.

[broadwaydivastournament]

Broadway Divas Tournament: Round 1D

After a decades' long working career, NaTasha Yvette Williams at last got her due this past year, winning a Grammy award for her performance as Sweet Sue in Some Like It Hot (2023), and netting a Tony nomination. Prior to that, she was in Chicken & Biscuits (2021), a show that deserved better, Waitress, and many stints as Mama Morton in the Chicago revival. She has performed in touring and regional productions across the country, and at Carnegie Hall.

The original Johanna in Sweeney Todd (1979), Sarah Rice (1955-2024) played just one Broadway show in her lifetime, but it is a role that will stay with us all forever. A deeply beloved cabaret performer, she has won MAC and Bistro awards, and was a regular feature at the long-running Sondheim Unplugged series. Even into her sixties, her soprano remained in good form, and her sly reminiscences delighted audiences month after month. Sarah Rice passed away in January of this year of cancer. She was 68.

PROPAGANDA AND MEDIA UNDER CUT: ALL POLLS HERE

"It's about damn time NaTasha Yvette Williams got her due. What a powerhouse voice. I was mixed on Some Like it Hot, but all-in on Sweet Sue. What are we doing to get NaTasha in a bold and brassy role on Broadway?"

"Many Divas have passed away in the last few years, all brilliant, wonderful talents, but Sarah Rice was someone closer than all those distant stars. I watched her perform month after month at Sondheim Unplugged, sometimes just feet in front of me. I listened to her colorful stories about the antics she got up to with Angela Lansbury and the Sweeney cast. I laughed with her, and cried, and loved that velvet duster she wore every time. I even helped her down the stairs and off the stage once, for all the good I was. When she stopped showing up, I knew. I knew something wasn't right. But I still wasn't ready to hear it. The last song I ever heard Sarah perform was not "Goodbye for Now," which would have been all too eerie. It wasn't even "Green Finch and Linnet Bird." It was "Stay With Me." And I wish she had."

[practically-an-x-man]

Oooh maybe Peter (any version of him) + "Please don't leave" for a snippet?

Ooooh alright! I think I'm actually gonna go with Peter Two (Tobey Maguire's version) for this one, just to switch it up a bit. And of course, I'm tossing my OC Ophelia in there, because why not?

____

"Can I ask you something?" Ophelia muttered, calmly suturing the harsh lacerations in Peter's shoulder. He was writhing in his seat, making it hard to keep the stitches even, and the sight of his ragged, bleeding flesh might've made another person look away. Ophelia didn't care. She'd seen worse in her anatomy lab. As far as she was concerned, it wasn't any different than stitching up an orange peel or flipping through her textbook.

"Ah- ah, take it easy!" Peter hissed, and she finally drew back with the needle. He shot her a look, then dropped the act. "What is it?"

"Why am I doing this instead of MJ right now?"

She dove back in with the sutures as soon as he started to speak, hoping the question might distract him from the pain.

"She's- dammit!- she's got a show. Runs late." he hissed. Ophelia hummed in acknowledgement as she reached for a towel, dabbing away the blood as it began to flow again. Peter had managed to goad her back home for Thanksgiving break, lured by the promise of May's cooking (and a few mild guilt-trips, most in the vein of "you're a part of our family too" and "she'll be cooking for three anyway- so much food will go to waste if you don't come), yet Ophelia had never expected her four days crashing in the Parkers' guest bedroom would turn into four late nights stitching up her best friend's wounds.

"Hm. What role?"

"Ensemble. Sunday in the Park with George."

"Hm. Sondheim. Nice." Ophelia muttered, distractedly, "Think I could snag a ticket before I ship back off to school?"

"I can-" His words cut off with a hiss as she prodded a particularly sensitive spot, and Ophelia winced sympathetically. She was nearly done, at least. Peter offered her a loose nod. "I can try to sneak you in. She'll be happy to see you."

"You'd better. You owe me one for all this, you know." she pointed out, finally tying off the last of the sutures and standing up from her seat, "Thought I was coming home for Thanksgiving dinner, not to be your on-call nurse."

She packed up the first-aid kit, tossed the refuse in the trash can near the door, and began to make her way out of the bedroom. Peter shifted in the bed, groaning as the motion pulled his wounds - the gashes in his shoulder were one of many, and Ophelia had spent close to an hour tending them all.

"Wait, Ol's-" he started, "Please don't leave. I'm sorry, I'm not- I'm not trying to make you my nurse. I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that."

Ophelia paused in the doorway, leaning her head back and almost laughing.

"Jesus, Peter, I'm joking!" she huffed, "Or maybe not joking, but I'm... exaggerating. I'm not just gonna let my best friend bleed out in front of me. It's fine."

He visibly relaxed on the bed. She hadn't realized he was taking it so seriously. Harry had always known how to take her humor, blunt and dry as it may often be. It was easy to forget she hadn't known Peter nearly as long.

The thought sparked a dark flame of grief in her chest, but Ophelia snuffed it out as quickly as it came. She'd deal with that later. Eventually.

"But you still owe me a ticket to that show."

[oh-jesus-in-the-air]

@nico-di-angelfish tagged me,, and I forget to do these if I don’t do them immediately so here are my 9 (current) favorite albums:

1 and 2 are both albums by The Clash. The first is their debut album, which has Remote Control, Garageland, and Hate and War. I love how gritty and honest it all is; strummer and jones both sound so sincere. Sandinista is my favorite album by them. It's a weird mishmash of sounds, but it's true. If you want to understand the album, listen to Washington Bullets, Corner Soul, and Something about England. I realize London Calling's absence is controversial.

3 is The Black Parade. This album got me through my first semester in college. I could listen to it for hours with friends trying to decipher what on earth is going on. Every time I think I've got a good grasp on it- it slips away.

4 is Sweeney Todd. I had to include Sondheim somehow, and I think this is one of his best works. Johanna (quartet), Epiphany, and the final sequence are unskippable. Also,, "and though I'll think of you I guess until the day I die, I think I miss you less and less as every day goes by, Johanna" it's not sad, it's just... you sort of forget as you're watching that it's the system that made Sweeney, and he's not inherently a bad guy. "And you'd be beautiful and pale and look too much like her. If only angels could prevail, we'd be the way we were". Sweeney throughout the show doesn't try to make the audience like him. sometimes he explains his world view, but it's not in search of acceptance. This is the one time where he's letting his softer emotions out and we see the man that once was.

5. I don't even know where to begin. I'm talking about the 1973 version. Nothing more to say.

6 is representative of Willam Finn in general, but @nico-di-angelfish already put falsettos. I think I listen to 25th Annual more anyway, especially lately. I made the mistake a few years ago of only listening to the first few songs and dismissing it. Do not do that. Listen to the end- watch it live if you can because the context is sort of important. Not the context- but you need to know the characters so that you can let yourself feel. If you get to "the I love you song" and still don't get it... I don't know what else to tell you

spring awakening is my 7th pick. I love spring awakening but I fully realize that if I hadn't seen a production of it this year, it wouldn't be in the running. but I did, so it's here.

Phantom of the Opera is here because apparently Jesus Christ Superstar wasn't enough Lloyd Webber for me. I'm talking specifically about the original cast album with brightman and crawford. It's a beautiful album and playing it will always brighten (ha!) my day. Like,,, the clash is many things, but it's not beautiful. Sure, Dickinson might say beauty and truth are one- but the distinction is there because the clash is so true it's beautiful, while phantom is so beautiful it's true.

Hamilton is obligatory, because I owe Hamilton a lot. I hardly ever listen to it anymore but it belongs here.

I tag whoever wants to do this! Also I tag @bestoftimes-worstoflimes

@nico-di-angelfish did you know everything I would include?

[bjfinn]

MOMMY DEAREST

"I Feel Pretty" by Leonard Bernstein & Stephen Sondheim, from the musical "West Side Story" (1956), with alterations by me

"So ... my little boy has a new family now, eh? How sweet."

Beej was unable to move. He tried to speak, to scream, to warn the others, but couldn't manage more than a strangled squeak.

"Now, now!" Juno said, blowing smoke from the second mouth in her throat. She shuffled to his bedside. "You don't really want to wake everyone else up, do you? Your precious new family? You know if that happens, I'll have to kill all of them -- and I'll make you watch." She pointed a long, bony finger at him, the wickedly sharp talon glinting in the moonlight coming in through the attic window. "No, you don't want that, do you?"

He was trembling now -- in fear, yes, but also rage. He opened his mouth to speak, and this time he managed a whispered, "How --?"

"How did I get through processing so quickly?" she asked. "I used to run the department -- don't you think I picked up a few tricks during that time? Your father says hello, by the way.

"Now, where was I? Ohhh, yes -- now I remember!" In the blink of an eye, Juno had leapt up and was now sitting on Beej's chest. He struggled for breath, gasping for air. "You're mine! You always will be! I made you, and I can destroy you -- don't ever forget that!"

She got off of him, and he gasped, finally able to breathe again.

Juno leaned over him. "Now give Mama a kiss goodnight." She pressed her ice-cold lips against his forehead -- they burned like a brand, and he gasped again. "Sweet dreams, kiddo."

And with that, she was gone.

Beej lay awake for the rest of the night in a cold sweat, his mother's words ringing in his ears, tears running down his cheeks.

*****

"What shall we do today?" Delia asked.

Beej shrugged listlessly. "I don't know --"

Delia knew that most people thought she was a ditz, a flake for believing in all the New Age stuff, and maybe she was, but the fact was that she was actually sometimes able to read people's auras -- and Beej's aura was turbulent, a swirling cloud of purple and red with wisps of black. Then again, so was his hair, so it wasn't too hard to figure out that something was bothering the demon.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Beej tried to hide it, but she could see the anguish in his eyes.

"Things won't get better if you don't talk about it, Beej."

His eyes welled with tears. "It's my mom -- my ... other mom. She... she came to see me last night."

"You had a dream about her?"

"No!" he shouted. Then, more quietly, "No. It wasn't a dream -- I was awake. She came into my room, and -- and she said that I was hers, and she threatened to kill all of you."

"I thought she was going to be in ... what did you call it -- processing? -- for the next few centuries," Delia said. "How did she get out so quickly?"

"She said she knows 'a few tricks'," Beej replied.

"And you're sure it wasn't a dream?"

Beej shook his head. "It wasn't a dream -- I was wide awake, hadn't fallen asleep yet." He looked at her. "You believe me, right?"

Delia gathered him in her arms. "Of course I do, Beej," she told him. "Of course I believe you."

*****

Beej stayed close to Delia for the rest of the day, following her around like a puppy. She found it a bit unnerving, but she couldn't blame him -- Juno, ultimately, was the reason he was the way he was.

So she let him help as she went about her day.

"Wanna help me bake bread?" Barbara had recently taught her, and she was eager to pass on her new knowledge.

"Sure, okay!"

She showed him how to measure out the ingredients, and let him mix them together in the bowl -- he took extra care not to spill anything. Then she sprinkled flour over the counter and tipped out the dough. Beej reached out a hand and she gently slapped it away.

"I just want a taste!" he protested, rubbing his hand.

"It's not ready yet," she said. "First we have to knead it --"

"I need it, all right? Now let me taste it!"

Delia laughed -- Beej didn't know what the joke was, but her laughter always made him feel good.

"This is how you knead dough," she said, putting the heels of both hands on the mass and pushing forward. She gave it a quarter-turn and repeated the motion. "Now you try."

Beej did as he was shown. Delia took a moment to wipe out the bowl and rub the interior with oil.

"That's great!" Delia said. "Do it a few more times, and then we'll put it back in the bowl to rest and proof."

"You can see me doing it -- what more proof do you need?" he grumbled.

Delia snorted another laugh. "Okay, that's good. Now, back in the bowl so it can rise." She covered the bowl with plastic wrap.

"I can make it rise," Beej said, raising his hands. The bowl of dough trembled and lifted off the table.

Delia grabbed it before it got too high to reach, and set it back down. "It needs to double in size," she explained.

"How long does that take?"

"A couple of hours," she told him, wiping the counter.

"A couple of hours??? " Beej blew out his cheeks in a loud sigh. "Then what?"

"Then we punch it down, put it in some loaf pans, let it rise again and bake it."

His eyes crossed comically. "Seems like a lot of work for bread."

"In the meantime, we can do something else." She thought for a moment. "How about a session? We can do some art therapy, if you want."

Beej nodded. "I like art therapy."

*****

"Now do we get to eat it?" Beej asked when the loaves came out of the oven.

Delia shook her head. "Not yet -- they need to cool down first."

"Ah, come on! You're killing me here!" He breathed in the aroma. "They smell so good." He reached out, but Delia slapped his hand away. He frowned, but said, "Okay, okay -- I'll wait. But it better be worth it!"

*****

That night, Juno came again.

"Are you ready to come back home?" she asked.

"I am home," Beej said, his voice nearly a whisper. "This is my home, and these people are my family -- not you!"

Juno sneered. "I'm the only family you'll ever have, boy. You might've killed me, but I'm back now -- and you're never gonna be rid of me!"

"I killed you once," Beej said. "I can do it again."

Juno nodded thoughtfully. "You could," she acknowledged, "but what would be the point? We both know there's only one way to get rid of me for good -- and if you do it, you'll die, too."

"Get outta here, you ... you dried up old hag!" Beej croaked.

Juno laughed, a cackle that would've chilled the wickedest witch to the bone.

"I am a dried up old hag -- I'm the original dried up old hag!" She said. "But make no mistake -- I'm stronger than you, and I always will be."

*****

"She came again last night," Beej said. "She's not gonna leave me alone."

"Is there anything that'll put a stop to her?" Delia asked. "Anything at all?"

Beej nodded morosely. "There's one thing," he said. "A spell in The Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It's called 'Hands Vermilion'. It's a summoning spell, but only if you know what part to leave out -- if you say the whole thing, it's an exorcism spell. Death for the undead."

"So what's the problem?"

"I need to be there to keep her from killing whoever tries to use the spell," he told her, "but if I'm there ..."

"You die, too," Delia finished.

Beej nodded again. He was almost in tears.

"If we can figure out a way to do it, would you be willing?"

"Yeah, sure!" the demon replied. "I want her outta my life for good! But there's just no way -- I've tried to think of how we can use it on her without me dying, too, but ..." He shrugged. "If I have to sacrifice myself to save you guys --"

Delia held up her hand. "No," she said firmly. "You're not sacrificing yourself."

"But --"

"Let me try to come up with a way." She levelled her gaze at him. "I'm not as dumb as people think I am, you know -- I'll think of something." She smiled at him. "In the meantime, how about I show you how to bake a cake?"

*****

"Think, Dee -- how can you use a spell against one demon without hurting the other?" Delia said aloud. She was sitting in the lotus position on a yoga mat in her studio, trying her best to centre herself and find a solution to what was beginning to seem like an unsolvable riddle.

"There's got to be a way!" she insisted. "Positive thinking -- I will figure this out, for Beej's sake." She straightened her posture, rolled her shoulders and then her neck. "Ommmmmm ..."

Hey, Delia," Lydia said, popping her head in the open doorway. "Umm ... I heard what you were saying."

"Oh, Lydia -- it's Beej," Delia told her. "Juno is back, and she's been --"

Lydia nodded. "I know," she said. "He told me. And he told me about 'Hands Vermilion', too -- that we could use it to get rid of her once and for all."

"The only problem is that Beej has to be there to protect whoever is using the spell, but --"

"But if he's there, it kills him, too."

"Exactly," Delia said despondently.

Lydia tilted her head. "I might have an answer," she said.

"Tell me, please! I'm desperate! "

"It's a spell, so it's spoken, right?"

"Riiight ..."

"So it works by being heard."

"Okaaay ..."

"So all you have to do is find a way to stop Beej from hearing the spell."

"Because if he can't hear it, it can't affect him!" Delia sprung to her feet and hugged Lydia. "Of course! Lydia, you're a genius! "

*****

"What's this?" Beej asked, looking at the small plastic egg Delia had given him.

"Open it," she said. He did, and pulled out a wad of pinkish gray stuff. "It's called Silly Putty," she explained. "We can use it to protect you from the spell."

Beej looked at it dubiously. He sniffed it, gave it a lick. "How?"

"You take a bit of it and stuff it in your ears," she told him. "You won't be able to hear the spell, so it won't affect you."

Beej's eyebrows shot up. "You want me to put this in my ears??? " He sniffed at the putty again. "You're kidding, right?"

"BJ, you put waaay more disgusting stuff in your ears -- and every other orifice -- all the time!" She sighed. "Let's just try it, okay? See if it works."

He pulled off a piece of the putty and stuffed in in one ear, then did the same with the other.

"Can you hear me?" Delia asked.

"What?"

Delia nodded, and began to sing:

I feel pretty

Oh so pretty

I feel pretty, and witty, and bright

And I pity

Any demon who visits tonight!

Beej grinned. "I can't hear anything!" he shouted gleefully. He threw his arms around Delia and spun her around. "This is great -- I'll finally be rid of her forever!"

*****

That evening, Delia headed upstairs to the attic. Beej was alone -- as agreed, Adam and Barbara had gone elsewhere.

"Are you ready?" she asked.

Beej swallowed hard. "As ready as I'll ever be," he replied. "If this stuff doesn't work --"

"It will," she reassured him.

"But if it doesn't -- promise me ... promise me that you won't forget me?"

"I could never forget you -- you're my son, Beej." She wiped away his tears. "No one in this house could ever forget you." She kissed his cheek. "But this will work -- just be brave, and Juno will be gone forever, and nobody'll ever try to take you from us again."

Beej nodded and managed a smile.

"Ready?" Delia asked again.

"Ready." He got into bed, and Delia turned off the light, plunging the attic into darkness.

"How long does it usually take for --"

Delia's question was interrupted by the sound of Juno's arrival -- the thump-slide, thump-slide of her prosthetic leg dragging across the floorboards.

Delia flattened herself against the wall, praying that the she-demon wouldn't notice her.

Juno approached Beej's bed. "I'm baaaack! " she sang. "Wakey wakey!"

Beej leapt out of the bed. "I'm already awake," he told her.

She startled. "You trying to give me a heart attack? You should be ashamed of yourself, scaring your poor old mother like that."

"Your heart is in a jar in Bavaria, isn't it?"

"That's not the point." The lit end of her cigarette traced red circles in the darkness as she waved her hand dismissively, and then glowed brightly she took a long drag on it. Smoke blew from her throat as she exhaled.

Delia wrinkled her nose at the smell of the cigarette -- God, that stinks, she thought. It's worse than a cheap cigar.

"Come here and give Mama a hug," Juno said.

Beej didn't move -- he just glared at her, and Delia saw that his eyes were glowing red.

"What's the matter? Aren't you happy to see your mother?"

"You're not my mom," Beej told her.

"Don't be silly -- who else would I be?"

"YOU'RE NOT MY MOM!!!" Beej roared. "You're just the ... the fucking whore that got pregnant with me 'cause she couldn't keep her fucking panties on! No better than a ... a dog in heat! You don't get to call yourself my mother!"

The she-demon's demeanor shifted immediately. "Now you listen to me, you ungrateful little shit! I lost everything because of you! I can't shapeshift any more -- because I had you! I'm stuck looking like this, and it's all your fault!" Juno snarled. "Don't you ever talk to me like that!"

"I'll talk to you any fuckin' way I want!" he told her. "And yeah -- I am ungrateful! Why should I be grateful? You never gave a damn about me!"

Juno's eyes blazed with fury for a moment, but then her expression softened -- once more the loving mother. She smiled at Beej. "I always gave a damn -- but growing up in the Netherworld is hard on a young boy. I had to make sure you were tough enough to survive. I had to be cruel to be kind. But I do love you, son."

Beej swallowed the lump that had come into his throat. "Really?" His face screwed up as he fought the tears that were threatening to fall. "You ... you really love me?"

Juno nodded. "I really do," she told him. "These people aren't your family -- not really. To them you're just a pet, a guard dog -- eventually they'll get tired of having you around and they'll kick you to the curb. Trust me on this -- I know breathers."

She reached up to touch his cheek, but stopped when she saw the look of contempt in his eyes. "Beej? What's wrong, son?"

"You went too hard on the sell," he replied. "You know breathers? How the fuck would you know breathers? You've never been one, you've never spent any time with them. 'I know breathers' -- what a laugh! The only reason you're trying to get me back is 'cause you can't stand the thought of someone else taking what you threw away!"

"They don't have the right to take what's mine!"

"I'M NOT YOURS! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KICKED ME TO THE CURB! NOT THEM! THEY TOOK ME IN WHEN I HAD NO PLACE ELSE TO GO! THEY'RE TEACHING ME HOW TO FIT IN IN THEIR WORLD!"

"They're domesticating you! They're trying to neuter you, de-fang and de-claw you, and then they'll have you doing tricks like a circus monkey! Can't you see that?"

"I DON'T CARE!" Beej roared. "IF THAT'S THE PRICE OF BEING PART OF A REAL FAMILY --"

Delia interrupted him. "No, we're not!" she told Juno. "No one wants to change Beej! He doesn't have to stop being who he is to fit in! We love him just the way he is!"

"Speak when you're spoken to, bitch," Juno hissed, "or you'll get your tongue ripped out!"

At that, a tentacle shot out from Beej's back and coiled itself around Juno's neck, crushing her windpipe. "Don't threaten my family," he said in a low voice as she clawed at the appendage, raking it with her talons. Another tentacle appeared and reached into Juno's mouth, wrapping around the base of her tongue. She gagged, her eyes wide. Suddenly there was a loud, wet, ripping sound. The tentacle retracted, Juno's tongue still in its grip.

Blood poured from the demon bitch's mouth. Beej hauled her close, more tentacles reaching out to immobilise her. "You think I'm weak," he said. "You think I'm still that pathetic little kid that everyone used to bully and kick around. Well, you know what? Your plan to toughen me up worked!"

He took the plastic Silly Putty egg from his jacket pocket, opened it and stuffed some into his ears. He looked at Delia and nodded, and she screamed as loud as she could -- one final test. Beej grinned and gave her a thumb's-up.

"Now you're finally gonna get what's coming to you -- death for the undead!"

He snapped his fingers, and Delia opened the book she was holding -- The Handbook for the Recently Deceased. Turning to page 42, she read the invocation in a loud voice:

Hands vermilion,

Start of five.

Bright cotillion,

Ravens dive.

Nightshade's promise,

Spirits strive.

To the living, let now the dead

Come alive!

As sudden thunder pierces night,

As magic wonder mad affright,

Rise asunder, man's delight.

Our ghost, our corpse,

And we rise to be.

As flies the lizard

Serpent fell,

As goblin gizzard at the spell,

The buried, dead and slain

Rise again!

Juno, still in the grip of Beej's tentacles, began to shake convulsively. Her eyes rolled back in her head. Flames began to lick at her feet, quickly travelling up her body.

Beej released her, and stepped back quickly -- he didn't want to be caught in the conflagration. He watched, grinning, as his mother was consumed by the fire, his arms around Delia, who had clapped her hands to her ears in an attempt to shut out the sound -- Juno might no longer have had a tongue, but she was still screaming.

The she-demon's beehive hairdo caught fire, burning fiercely, her face melting as though she was made of wax. Delia's stomach did a somersault, and she squeezed her eyes shut at the horrific sight.

"Bye, Mom!" Beej said, waving happily.

Juno's head exploded then, and Beej shielded Delia from the shards of skull and wet gobs of brain matter that flew in all directions.

It was finally over.

Beej released Delia, and she said, "Is she gone for good?"

He shook his head, confused. "What? I can't hear you."

Delia grinned. "Take the Silly Putty out of your ears, goofball!"

"I still can't hear you," Beej told her.

Delia pointed at her own ears.

Beej looked even more confused for a moment, and then it dawned on him. He unplugged his ears.

"I couldn't hear you," he said. "I had Silly Putty in my ears."

Delia hugged him. "Is she gone for good?" she asked again.

Beej nodded. "Death for the undead -- there's no coming back from that. She's been eradicated, annihilated, wiped out of existence. Not even a grave for me to spit on." He sighed. "Too bad -- I really wanted to spit on her grave."

He hugged her again, tightly. "You did great, Mom! I'm so proud of you!"

"I -- can't -- breathe!" she gasped.

"What? Oh, sorry!" Beej said, releasing her.

She punched playfully him in the arm.

"Ow!" he said, grinning as he rubbed his bicep. "That hurt!"

"Come on, you big wimp," Delia said, "let's get back downstairs -- we can have some chocolate cake and ice cream to celebrate."

[libraryfag]

feel free to pick & choose if this is too many, but merrily (as well), trc, and hamlet for the ask game!!

holy trinity of media that makes me insane about tragedy!

Merrily:

Favorite character: a tie between Charly and Mary.... i literally cannot chose between them Second favorite character: Frank, to complete the trio, he's such an asshole but i do love him

Least favorite character: Not a proper answer because I really don't have a least favorite character but gussie was honestly done a little bit dirty by the show.i understand that it's a very easy way of showing how the friendship collapsed overtime but the show makes it seem like it was all gussies fault and i feel so bad for her because it wasn't as if she was deliberately doing it it just sorta happened but whatever.

The character I’m most like: hm. i think maybe Act Two Frank specifically just bc im so so in love with theatre. merrily is so so special to me bc it really captures that magic. not a character but i really really relate to Opening Doors bc thats just what writing a show is like or making any art reallly.

Favorite pairing: Frank/Charly/Mary not just platonic not romantic not sexual but a secret fourth thing (including all the above) they loved each other so much!

Least favorite pairing: theo I totally agree with everything you said about frank and meg. i cant think of anyone else i could say so i might as welll copy your answer

Favorite moment: Opening Doors which has grown on me since i heard that Sondheim said it was his only autobiographic song. as well as the previously discussed reliability of it, it's such an earworm, like ive had it stuck in my head basically alll year its crazy. Also it shows how close they were together which makes it incredibly heartbreaking also

Rating out of 10: 9/10. its one of my favourite musicals ever! obligatory point reduction for whatever was wrong with the original production (Hal Prince wtf were you doing casting children??)

The Raven Cycle

Favorite character: Ronan Lynch <3 Second favorite character: oh god. im just going to say chainsaw bc i love her so much and i don't want to single out any of the other protagonists bc then i feel bad.

Least favorite character: Maggie Steifvater is such a great author I cannot name a single character I'm not 100% invested in, even ones that would be so easy to get bored by, like Mr Gray or Greenmantle I need to learn everything about them ever.

The character I’m most like: gansey tbh. to the point where i try not to think about it

Favorite pairing: all of the guys (aka blue, gansey, adam, ronan, noah and maybe henry, i don't know him so well yet). basically the same as my merrily answer, labels don't really matter: what matters is they all love each other so so much its insaneeeeeee. im also a big sucker for whatever ronan and adam have going on

Least favorite pairing: tbh i wasn't so invested in maura and the gray man at first.

Favorite moment: i love it when ronan is protective of chainsaw.. he loves that bird so much

Rating out of 10: 11/10 aka so good its literally having a detrimental impact on my school results and mental health/sleep :)

Hamlet

Favorite character: Hamlet Thee Dane. truly the character of all time

Second favorite character: i think about ophelia every single day

Least favorite character: depends on the production tbh. like i used to not care about laertes and polonius, but i became obsessed with the former either last year or the year before, and the version i read this year (Nicki Greenberg's graphic novel which i would recommend) had a really engaging interpretation of the latter which was so good i got sad when he died.

The character I’m most like: hamlet is literally me btw.

Favorite pairing: tragic danish boyfriends is a classic and brilliant but hamlet and laertes also upsets me so so much. like they are literally perfect foils

Least favorite pairing: ugh. gertrude and hamlet sexually. freud suck my dick

Favorite moment: yes ive seen/read it 5 times now. no, i've never not been emotionally destroyed by the ending

Rating out of 10: 10/10. one of the best pieces of fiction ever. which is a totally subjective statement but also im right.

[saucy-mesothelioma]

Meso's Mixtapes: Handplates Gaster

In honor of the Handplates comic by @zarla-s finally coming to an end, I decided to finally get back to work on my Mixtapes and do one for their interpretation of W.D. Gaster as a sort of thank you. But before I do, I want to talk for a moment about what this comic has meant to me. I was around 12 or so when I first got into Undertale. I was a pretty sheltered kid and wasn't really allowed to play video games, so I watched playthroughs and listened to the ost all from YouTube. And it was through this that I came across the dubbed version of the comic. I was instantly captivated by the acting and the editing, but the thing that pulled me in the most was the emotion behind the storytelling. Even when I was younger, I had no interest in any sort of AUs, but this one not only caught my attention, but held it in a vice. I binged the entirety of what was available of the comic on YouTube twice, and didn't tire of it one bit. But of course, as the years went by and my interest in Undertale faded, I stopped watching. It wasn't until a few months ago while scrolling through Tumblr that I found the comic again and that it was still being updated. So I picked up the comic right from the beginning and read it all. And to my surprise, it was just as incredible as when I read it all those years ago. To this day, Handplates has been the only AU out of really any media that I enjoy, and I'm not even the biggest fan of Undertale anymore. The fact that an AU has captured my attention longer than the base game itself really speaks to how well written this comic is. I would (and have) genuinely suggest it to people who aren't even into Undertale, specifically for how this comic is written. Unfortunately, I was unable to interact with the community due to no access to social media as well as rediscovering the comic so late, but I've fully enjoyed looking through the archives and reading all the asks, extra comics, and posts about it; it really made me feel like a part of the community after all. I don't know what Zarla has planned for the future, but whether it be little one-off Handplates comics, other Undertale stories, or even a bigger project in something else entirely, I will be eagerly tuning in. This comic has meant a lot to me, and I couldn't be more thankful. Now, without further ado, the playlist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Villain by Stella Jang (There are a few different ways you could interpret this song, but for the sake of this mixtape, I see it as the idea of "you can be doing something good, but doing something evil to achieve it still makes you the villain". As the song says, there are many shades of grey; "the person I love the most could be a dog to somebody else" and "the person you hate the most is somebody's beloved child" perfectly explain this. It's the basis of "the ends don't justify the means", which is the exact opposite of the ideology Gaster follows over the course of the comic. Although he does this for the better of monster society, he is still aware of the fact that what he is doing is deplorable; that's part of what makes him such an interesting character to examine.) Rule #27 - Drunk on Pride by Fish in a Birdcage Dying Day by Landlady Dentist! by Alan Menken (I had to include this after Zarla mentioned it in a post a while back, and I gotta say it really does fit in a hilarious way) Wernher Von Braun by Tom Lehrer (I debated on whether or not put this one on the list, but in my opinion the line "'Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department!' says Wernher von Braun" does sound like something he would say; sort of that mentality of "Hey, I did my job. That's not my problem." he showed during scene where the worker was requesting that handrails be added to the CORE. Plus it's Tom Lehrer.) Priest by William Crighton My Friends by Steven Sondheim (The only reason I included this song was because my headcanon voice for Gaster is Len Cariou. Although I will say that my friend also suggested Sam Neill specifically because of the scenes in Jurassic Park where Alan meets Tim and Lex and when he explains how the raptors hunted to that kid at the dig site since they both seem like something he'd do and I stand by that assessment 1000%. Both of those are perfect to me.)

Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo Euthanasia by Will Wood Alles im Griff (auf dem sinkenden schiff) by Udo Jürgens ("Ich hab alles im griff auf dem sinkenden schiff" loosely translates to "I have everything under control on the sinking ship", and the song is basically about all of these bad things happening to the narrator, and the narrator just bottling it all up and saying "This is fine. I'm totally fine." If that doesn't describe Gaster, then I don't know what does.) Zombie by The Cranberries (Considering what the song is about, I felt like it would also stand as a good representation for the hardships and trauma war can leave . And yes, I know that's not the main theme of the comic, but to me at least, that theme was crucial for how some of the characters developed. Not just Gaster, but Toriel and Asgore too.) Everything You Ever by Joss Whedon Total Recall by pragmaticNihilist (Ok, so this one needs a bit of explaining more so than the others. This song is one of the themes for the character Secily Iopara from the game Snowbound Blood, which is technically a sort of prequel/spinoff from the webcomic Vast Error. At least in my opinion, Gaster and Secily share several defining traits: both are easily consumed by work to the point where it takes a toll on their social life as well as their mental health, they push away the people that care about them in order to make things easier for themselves, they both basically devoted their entire meaning to one person [Asgore and Ahlina respectively], and their life's work was their downfall. I just thought it was really interesting how two characters from completely different stories manage to share so much, and how one was able to succeed in fields where the other character failed. Things like this in media have always been something I've enjoyed, so I felt compelled to include it.) Venetian Blind Man by Will Wood Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier Good Old Days by Weird Al (I'm sorry but I couldn't resist adding this one. It was way too funny to not. I am so, so sorry. This is the last "not really serious one" I swear.) I'm Not Supposed to Care by Gordon Lightfoot (First off, the opening line is already perfect, but I can definitely see this song as the sort of the encompassing theme for the final pages of the comic when they're on the surface. The people who were Gaster's family have no idea who he is or how much they mean to him, yet he's still more than willing to devote himself to them and their happiness, which we see mainly with him and Asgore. My interpretation of Gaster's interactions with them are perfectly summed up by this song: He feels like he shouldn't care as much as he does because they're no longer who he knew, but he can't help it. They no longer love him, but he still loves them and will do whatever he can to make sure they're happy, even at his own expense [both before falling into the CORE and after]. Gaster sums up the basis of his own mentality perfectly: "As long as you will have me, I will stay.")