#sometimes you post something and you're like. well! that's legally writing i guess!

[rosyredlipstick]

FAR GALAXIES (2/6)

She didn’t answer. Instead, she pulled out her PADD from her coat, slow enough that Nico only slightly twitched. Jason’s transmission was loaded up on the screen—at the bottom, their signature tag was spelled out. “Guardians of the Galaxy. That supposed to be a joke?” “More like an aspiration,” Jason said. - Space, the final frontier. Or whatever.

-

13k, solangelo.

ao3

[rin-tezuka]

i would personally say that the erasure of language for a-spec and nonbinary people is a real problem. granted that's not an excuse for brainrotting transmisogyny, but unlike """"transandrophobia""" aphobia and exorsexism are in fact real, you know? i don't know if I'm being very clear and I don't want to be a jerk in anyone's inbox just because i disagree with an offhand comment, but I was left thinking this basically. for every aromantic TME theyfab or whatever there's a TMA nonbinary aromantic transfem equivalent, and they have less institutionally vested interest in appearing the "most oppressed" to declare themselves ontologically privilegeless the way TME people often use other positionalities as a cudgel against transfems. but for that person, the erasure of aromanticism as a real possibility for humans to be that's equally healthy and important and not a mental illness to be fixed is a real problem. the fact that aromanticism is something to be mocked and dismissed both in and out of "queer" spaces is a real problem. That allo people who are queer some other way still benefit from the social legitimacy of getting into relationships and get to mock and dismiss aphobia as a problem while they fight to receive more social and legal capital for being in relationships is a real problem. binary people putting all gender oppression in binary terms (correctly) without accounting for the fact that you get shit on harder for being nonbinary because there is no framework for your gender so much as existing and that binary people have trouble even conceptualizing of enben as people who are in front of them and not abstract stragglers is a real issue even if TMEs use it to cry and wail and piss their pants over being called TME. you're nonbinary (referencing your bio), so maybe saying that is pointless, but I see even other nonbinary people forgetting exorsexism is a real axis of gender oppression and not an accidental attachment to oppositional sexism sometimes. and this isn't a thought exercise to guilt trip a stranger with to me, this is a real person, someone I know personally. and maybe someone making "just call me a slur" jokes at a-spec terms isn't quite a "real problem" compared to that, but it doesn't reflect well on your supposed "community"'s ability to take the power they wield over you and the capacity to hurt you with it seriously if they're rolling their eyes at you for merely having words to say it with, does it? I guess the point of this is just that I wish people would articulate their grievances with the "everyone welcome except transfems" culture without shitting on aspec people. Oppression based on aromanticism or asexuality is a real thing I experience and a lot of my friends experience, mockery of any aspec words and experiences whatsoever both from straight people and queer people is a thing that happens a lot, and it doesn't become funny to point and laugh at the sentiment that it's rude and gross and aphobic of some people to equate our words to slurs or assimilationist nonsense just because that person who said it is also a transmisogynistic bigot.

sorry for writing an essay. It's just something I'd like to stop seeing from the people whose posts i like, since I have to see it everywhere else in my life anyway. I really want to say that I'm not trying to crucify you or judge you by a statement on the internet or anything! It's Only A Blog and all that. I guess this is just to say that I personally dislike the conflation of discussions of aphobia and exorsexism as "fake problems" like "transandrophobia" for TME people to cover their asses when they are very much real things. that's it. have a nice day! :3

I mean don't get me wrong i don't really disagree. I kinda just think concerns about stuff like making jokes about QPPs (a term i haven't heard for like 8 years) is hollow coming from somebody who hates trans women, yknow?

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

hmm. conversely, most ADHD car?

(A dab o' context for y'all, this ask came hot off the heels of my most autistic car post, hence the "conversely".)

Well, when I read this, I had nothing. But then I thought about it a little, and suddenly, I continued to have nothing.

But you already know that, dear asker, because you're in the blog's Discord server which I turned to for suggestions. And in fact, you chipped in yourself with not one but two picks, first of which the fifth generation Ford Mustang!

So, pray tell, what brings my elementary school self's favorite car ever ever into this list?

uhh from like a cultural view its an unfocused and hyperactive car with a reputation of not going the way people want (see: crowd meme)

Oh, come on, are we really still not over that stereotype whereby late model Mustangs are owned by people both too eager to show off not to leave a car meet flooring it and too inept to actually keep it under control when they do?

Well, I guess to get over it it'll need to stop being true.

But also, being so much of an exhibitionist as to cause physical pain is not about ADHD at all!

Anyone I invite at my house gets bored to tears with a tour of my every possession...

...but not because I have ADHD!

Actually, you know what? That may really be it now that I think about it. Well, anyway, your submission is funny enough to earn a pass even if we don't see eye to eye on this anyway.

How about your second, though?

alternatively: late '90s to early 2000s tuner Civic, for the same reasons

While he included this picture, he advised to use a worse example, so I took the liberty to present you a historical picture.

I say historical because this picture was the definition of rice, the textbook example. If Wikipedia had a page for "rice (automotive)" it would feature this picture, probably second behind that blue early 90s Civic which in hindsight we were all wrong about and was actually sick.

Did you know this was made by a teenager out of metal? I'm digressing.

Friend of the blog (well, pillar of the blog at this point) @demoness-one agrees and suggests:

Honestly riced out clapped out honda civics did come to mind also But i feel like the car that most represents adhd is probably one that isn't finished lol Abstract concept of a car

But she wasn't the only one to vote for her own cars, as friend of the blog and Saturn SL1 owner @chevyventure posted a simple but effective contribution:

zero executive function between those eyes

Not as simple as friend of the blog @brick-enthusiast's, however, who just posted a Suzuki Cappuccino without comment.

In respect of that approach I will not comment either.

However, it's time to make my pick too, as in the process of writing this post I finally understood the assignment, and thus came up with something.

What's ADHD? As this blog demonstrates, sometimes it's being hyperfocused on something exciting, much to the detriment of things that actually matter in daily life. Sometimes it's said focus earning amazing results that seem disproportionate to one's means. Sometimes it's taking comfort in the routine, in deeply ingrained habits and tradition that still have to constantly be actively enforced as conscious choice. Sometimes it's being darty, shooting from point to point with speed other minds can't even keep up with. Sometimes it's having too much energy to contain. Sometimes it's... being loud? Oh really! I thought I was just being Italian!

And if you've read my 100th post, you'll know a car that fits that description to a T. (And if you haven't, click on here before reading on because you really want to.)

Indeed, what could be a better pick than a car that's stayed the same for nigh on seven decades in its devoted preservation of its ability to dart around like nothing else on the road, a car so perfromance-focused the comfort spec is the one that gets windows, a car not one bit less deafening than legally required? What could be a better pick than the Caterham Seven 620R, the literal world record holder for spinning around in circles?

And also just look at it.

If you're wondering about the number plate, it was made to celebrate its Lego version - yes indeed!

And if you can believe it, people still gifted me clothes for Christmas.

Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question: if you liked this post, you might like those - or the blog’s Discord server, linked in the pinned post!

[bwobgames]

Previous First

"Let's hide until the morning, destroy the clock, and then run away. It's the safest I can think of"

"A sensible decision, but didn't you say that we might not have the time to get everyone?"

"... We are gonna have to try"

"And, uh, call the police? Maybe?"

"Don't they come included with the bomb squad?"

"Oh, right"

"Although, what will happen then? Will they arrest the house? Us? Coli already has gotten out of jail without problems... this is an issue.

Agh, one problem at a time!"

"I'll message Vivi"

"Wait! Technology!"

"Ángel you're right!"

".... I am, yes"

"Aside from us three, the rest are all family! So they have eachothers numbers! We can just tell them to post about a bomb in the bar on the family groupchat or something like that"

"Yeah! I certainly was hinting towards that, no doubt"

"Tell Vivi to go to the main room. Did she answer?"

"Yep, take a look"

"... Does. Does she only communicate through images of cats?"

"Sometimes the cats have text over them. Other times, she writes a 10 paragraph message in one go.

Really, it depends on the situation"

"Is this a cat pictures situation??"

"This is not her first bomb threat. Look, she even has a kitty deactivating a bomb image"

"... Descriptive.

Anyways, let's get there"

They get inside the house and walk towards the main room

"So, how are we supposed to find anyone?"

"Well, Marigold is usually somewhere in the main room, but that's not assured. I think we'll just have to search all the rooms here until-"

"Ah, nevermind"

Simon and Owen appear from the room to the Lounge #2

"Private Detective Beebo and Detective Assistant Ángel here, we are gonna need you two to come with us"

"Oh wait, is this the wallet where I have the picture of Mozilla Firefox or the one with the shiny pokemon card. Guess it's too late now"

The teens are surprised

"We didn't do anything! And if we did it was an accident or in good intention!"

"The supermarket had a terrible cart organization. We didn't know they weren't allowed for racing!"

"It's not considered trespassing if the owner of the property wasn't watching and we didn't know!"

"We are minors! Legally we have the right to make a lemonade stand! It was just an alternative recipe!"

"It was the farmers' fault to have such an easily hackable door to his goose enclosure!"

"Hey, hey, calm down, it's nothing about - wait, you let out the 30 to 40 geese??"

"What Beebo here means is that this is not about your possible crimes. This place has received a confirmed bomb threat, and we are here to take you to a safe zone while we deal with it"

"Oh wow, Ángel is learning the ways of the detective"

"There's a bomb? Why"

"Uh. Probably for harm"

"That's so lame. I would rather have a cool bomb"

"... You need to be studied, little creature. Anyways, follow us"

They walk in formation

"By the way, Boss, why the main room?"

"Well, you said it. It's a relatively safe zone.

It's close to an exit and far away from the point of explosion. I fear that it might cause a house fire or that it could trigger the other bombs.

But we can't ask everyone to just stay outside in this cold, so, main room it is"

"Also, don't call me boss"

"You're so smart, sir"

"... Stick to boss

Sir is for, um, after job activities"

Ángel looks happily surprised

They reach the main room, Marigold is there

Vivi appears from the storage room and gives a wave

Then a middle finger

Ángel answers with another middle finger

Vivi makes a silly pose with double peace signs

"Um, Miss Marigold? I'm private detective Beebo and we have worrying information about this building"

"... So, it really has asbestos everywhere?"

"What? No"

"Wait, really?"

"Is it not?"

"No, no. Um, it's actually about..."

"How to say this without causing her to panic"

"There's a bomb at the bar"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, we don't know when it's going off, so you guys should stay here"

Marigold goes pale

"Ángel that is very much what the detective handbook says Not to do"

"Sorry, my copy was pirated"

"Wh- Why?! Was it here before?! Where's everyone else?! Did someone put it!? How do you know?! I am calling the police. Where are Nadia and Nina?!?!"

"Um, uh, well, um, please calm down! We have this under control!"

"How?!"

"Excuse me, I need a quick word with my boss here"

She frantically calls the police

It might be a problem

"Wouldn't it be easier on everyone if we make them remember? I still have Vivi's book"

"... I don't know.

They are fine now, I mean, this is just a shitty night with a big scare.

With the memories... welll

This becomes the most terrifying night of their life

Bejng eaten by a house, being killed.

Knowing you might get killed again"

"Yes, but that knowledge will make them more prepared to face Coli in case he comes here and does something"

"We can just lie, though! just uhh something about terrorism?"

"In an abandoned hospital? With only 8 people?"

"I, I can figure something out!"

"I'm just saying it would be way easier if we were all on the same page"

"... But would it be the best for them?"

"Well, who are you to decide that?"

"A guy who has died 3 times"

"... That's fair.

Just do what you think is best"

[raving-raven-writing]

afternoon, friend! how about 9, 11, and 23 for the ask meme?

Thanks for the ask, Dandy! Hope you're doing okay, haven't seen much of you on here lately!

9. How do you find new fic to read?

New fic to read? Well, sometimes if I am looking for something in particular, I look it up through the tags on ao3. Sometimes, through people on ao3, if they write stuff I like, I look at what they have bookmarked since I find that often they have bookmarked stuff that I too find interesting. Or sometimes, I browse through the fandoms I am in on ao3 and read the tags, titles, and synopsis to decide if it is something I would want to read. 11. Are you partial to a certain character/pairing or are you more equal-opportunity? If you are partial to any character/pairing, why do you think that is?

I don't think I am partial to any ships. I am pretty open to ships, as long as they're legal. Obviously though, there are some ships I like better than others. Maybe because of how the characters click. Sometimes it is a canon pair, sometimes not. Depends on their chemistry I suppose. In terms of just characters alone, well, I would say that I have tendency to like the morally grey characters. Or those that have traumatic, troubled pasts and are technically labeled as broody and the "strong and silent" type.

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

Hmm... well, this is stuff that I haven't posted, but I have written tidbits of the AUs and tropes I'd like to write. Well, I do have a thing about mental hospitals (particularly those set in the 1950s/1960s--idk why, don't ask) and I actually have a little bit of something written for that AU for TDI, and an idea revolving around that AU for Avatar, and also a partially written something for Snowpiercer. So I guess the Mental Hospital AU would be an AU I'd like to write on. I also like the Soulmates AU. Some people are really creative with those. I also really enjoy a good Body Swap AU, which I have little bits and pieces written up for a TDI fanfic. And somewhere, maybe it got lost or deleted, I had something for the fake dating trope for the Newsies fandom. The amnesia trope is a fun one to play around with too. Thanks again for asking @dastardlydandelion

[intrepidacious]

Hey, I had a question about the mdni. Does tumblr block your things if a minor’s account interacts? Does your blog get suspended? How do you know if a blog is lying about their age? I‘m guessing Tumblr will know because of the age thing we have to fill when we create our accounts, so do they block your work even if you aren’t aware who’s interacting?

I guess that was like 4 questions 😅 I don’t really have a nsfw blog, so it’s not something I’ve had to worry about so far. But whenever I see people talk about mdni I‘m always curious how it works exactly. Sorry if you’ve already answered these questions!

I hope you’re having a wonderfully day, lovely!

hi there!!

well, to put it bluntly: i have no control over who looks at my content. last time i checked, the minimum age to have a tumblr blog is 13, and while there is an option to block content that's been marked as "explicit" (which is a whole different can of worms), there's not really any way to control who's going to see what anyone posts. if you don't have an nsfw blog, that's not going to be a huge problem. however, if you're someone who posts or reblogs nsfw related things, this might be something to be conscious about.

the thing is, though, that mdni is a boundary a lot of us in fanfic writing spaces in particular put on our blogs while having zero control over actually enforcing it. why? because i'm not clairvoyant. you could put any age in your bio and i'm going to have to trust that you're telling the truth. it's all acting in good faith.

i can't control whether people in my fandom spaces are lying. in fact, i remember a couple of years ago, there was a bit of a commotion because it turned out a person in the fandom was actually a minor who'd been lying about their age. that constitutes a violation of trust, and it's hard to come back from that. frankly, i'd say it's really disrespectful to any person to overstep their boundaries like that.

teenagers are gonna see things on the internet. i feel like at this point that's part of the growing up process. but back in my day we'd at least try to hide our tracks, you know? there's no way for me to tell who's looking at my stuff, but i can control who's interacting with me. in my case, that means going through my entire activity every couple of days and looking at people's bios and post archive to see if they've listed their age or at least been around long enough to be an adult according to tumblr's minimum age. that's not fun. i don't like doing it. but i'm not going to wilfully ignore minors coming into my space when i've clearly and repeatedly asked them not to. i'm an adult who sometimes enjoys explicit content (though i really dislike that term in a fandom context), and i'm not going to venture into the moral—and legal!—clusterfuck of having a space where underage people can openly interact with these things. they are not meant for them. if they're going to knowingly cross that line and i find out, they're getting blocked.

hope that makes sense <3

tl;dr: mdni is part of my house rules and my blocking button is the bouncer

[flychansan]

Last year I tried co-writing a fic with KoboldAI, but it was a bit of a hassle so I gave up after the first one. 😅 It felt more like I was fighting against the AI instead of a collab. Then I forgot all about it until @seoulsborne123 posted this.

I'll let the result speak for itself.

My input is in bold.

Naru is being weird

>Mai tries not to fall asleep at her desk in the office in case Naru would come out and ask for tea. Naru had not come out of his room for three hours. She had been waiting, thinking he might want some company, but she didn't dare go into his room.

She is still here, sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, staring at the wall, when she hears someone knock on the door.

"Come in," she says.

Naru opens the door without saying anything.

> Mai frowned. He wouldn't knock on his own door. She wondered if Naru, her boss, was okay. His eyes were a bit glazed over.

Naru's face twists in surprise as he sees her standing there. "Oh... I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else."

He walks past her, heading towards the kitchenette. He stops suddenly and looks back at her. "I don't suppose you'd like some tea?"

Mai shakes her head. She doesn't really know what to say.

> What happened to Naru? What made him behave in this manner? It was HER job to serve tea, not his! And what's with mistaking for someone else? But what shocked her the most is that he actually said sorry.

Naru returns from the kitchenette holding two cups of tea. He places one cup on a small table next to the sofa and sits down.

"It's just that... well..."

He takes a sip of his tea and then continues, "... I've been feeling tired lately. My physical condition isn't good, and I haven't been getting enough sleep..."

> Mai blinks. It doesn't sound like he was messing around with her. She watches Naru drink his tea again and says: "So you're tired to the point of knocking on your own office door. Are you still reading academic journals? Writing a thesis? You need a break too sometimes, Naru."

Naru nods slowly. "Yes. I guess so."

He seems embarrassed by the subject matter of his research, but Mai doesn't care about it. She just wants to make sure that he's doing alright.

"You should get some rest," she says.

Naru smiles wanly. "Thanks for offering, but I'll be fine.

> Mai felt her cheeks flush. That's just strange. It almost seems as if he was possessed by someone. Naru turn his head to stare at the window, then gets up and presses his eyelids shut.  He opens his eyes again and blinks. 

"Why am I..." Naru looks at Mai again. The cold expression has returned. "Mai, what just happened? I was in my room. How did I get here?"

Mai's eyes widen. "Did something happen to you?"

Naru puts his hands on the sides of his head and rubs them. "No. No, nothing happened. I guess I just got carried away."

Mai frowns. "What do you mean?"

Naru stares at her blankly. "Nothing. It's nothing.

> "Oh come on!" Mai got up from her chair. "You knocked on your own door, offered to make tea for both us and... your personality has changed!"

Naru scowls. "That's not true."

Mai sighs. "Okay. If that's how you feel, then fine. But I think you're going through a rough time right now. So stop being so stubborn and come back to your senses. We're all worried about you."

Naru turns to look at her. "Worried about me?"

> "Yeah, even Lin said you were behaving oddly when I came in at noon."

Naru gives her a tight smile. "Lin is always full of useless advice. He thinks he knows everything."

Mai rolls her eyes. "Fine. Whatever you say."

Naru sighs. "Perhaps I have been neglecting my health. I can't deny that. But that doesn't mean I'm losing my mind."

Mai gulps.

> "I'm pretty sure you are losing your mind in some way. Shall I call Lin?"

"No!" Naru shouts. "Don't call him. Don't drag him into this."

Mai frowns. "But Naru, he's your legal guardian. And he cares about you."

Naru waves her off. "As if that matters anymore. As if anyone cares about me anymore."

Mai raises an eyebrow.

Naru stands up abruptly.

> You're not going anywhere, Mai thought. She ran over to Lin's office and knocked on his door. The tall Chinese man came out and asked what was wrong. She said, "Naru has officially lost it. He's talking nonsense and I don't know what to say to him. Please do something about it!"

Lin sighed. "Alright. I'll see what I can do."

He walked over to Naru, grabbed his shoulders and gave him a good shake.

"Lin! Stop it. I'm fine!"

> "You behaved strangely since this morning," Lin said. "I also overheard your conversation with Mai. I agree with her. Sit back down on the sofa and drink your tea."

Naru looked at him in confusion. "What's going on? Why are you treating me like this? I'm perfectly fine!"

Lin shook his head. "If you want to stay here, you'll listen to me. Now sit down."

Naru rolled his eyes and sat down.

Lin turned to Mai.

> "I believe Gene has possessed Naru," he said. Mai gasps. Naru is possessed by his dead twin brother? Why would Gene posses his brother? Lin continued to speak, "Gene is quite bad at impersonating Naru... That's why I know."

The more he spoke, the more Mai understood.

She knew that Gene had been trying to contact her.

She knew that Naru was acting strangely because of his possession.

And she knew that Naru's words were hollow.

Gene was controlling his body.

She knew that Naru wasn't himself anymore.

> "That's right," Naru's voice said. "I'm Gene. How have you been, Mai, Lin? I'm sorry for possessing Naru, by the way."

Mai stared at Naru in shock.

Naru smiled. "It's okay. I'm glad to see you."

Lin frowned. "I'm afraid you might have taken things a bit too far."

> "Well, I'll leave soon then," Gene said. "It's not fun pretending to be the Chief of Shibuya Psych Research."

"Wait!" Mai cried. "What are you saying? You've possessed Naru?!"

Naru glared at her. "Yes. I'm Gene. And I'm leaving now."

Gene closed his eyes, then opened them again.

"Ah... Mai, Lin."

Mai leaned in closely and asked, "Is it really you, Naru?"

"Are you back, Naru?" Lin said.

"Yes," Naru sighs. "Gene, that idiot."

> Mai let out a breath of relief. It seems like Naru was back to being himself.

"But I'm still not convinced that you're yourself," Lin said.

Naru nodded. "I understand. I'll try to prevent something like this happening next time."

"Next time?" Lin said. "There won't be a next time."

Both Mai and Naru look surprised.

> "Excuse me?" Mai said. "Why did you say that, Lin?"

"Because... well..." Lin hesitated. "I think Naru has been possessed by Gene for a long time."

Mai stares at the man.

"I don't understand."

> "I am merely suggesting that it's time for Gene to move on," Lin said, "In other words, it is for the best to exorcise Gene." 

Naru inclined his head. "So that's what you meant..." 

Mai frowned deeply.

> "You mean... you want to kill Naru?"

Lin nods slowly. "Yes. That is exactly what I mean."

Mai felt sick to her stomach.

Naru stood up suddenly. "I'm not going to let you do such a thing!"

Lin's face darkened. "We will do whatever we feel is necessary."

> "But that's just madness..." Mai's eyes glimmered in defiance. "Naru needs your protection! Didn't you promise his parents?"

Lin's eyes widened. "We promised them nothing. If they wanted me to protect their son, they should have made that clear when they entrusted him to me."

Mai inhaled sharply.

> "Lin, you're the one out of your mind! I can't believe this is even happening," Mai said. Her tears welled up. "This just has to be a dream. It can't be anything else. Someone, anyone, pinch me!"

Naru shook his head. "No, please don't make me go through this again."

Lin sighed. "Very well. But if you ever attempt to harm Naru again, I will kill you myself."

Mai gasped.

> "What?!" She turned to Naru. "Damn it, just pinch me! I want to wake up from this nightmare."

Naru's eyes widened.

"You'd rather die than give up?"

Mai gaped at him.

> "Why are you saying that? I don't wanna die. I want to WAKE up." She grew furious. "Did you forget how to understand Japanese?!"

Naru turned away from her. "Please stop shouting at me. I am trying to tell you that I don't want to die."

"Then why are you so stubborn about, Naru"

Mai couldn't take it anymore.

> "Fine, then I'll wake up by myself," she said, dropping herself onto the sofa and laying down on it. "Don't even think about bothering me."

Naru looked upset. "Mai..."

She didn't bother to turn around.

> Mai closed her eyes and willed herself to wake up from this nightmare.

Mai could hear voices.

"... I heard that someone knocked on her door last night."

"She must have been dreaming or some nonsense..."

> This was it. She was back in her own bed. Covered by her own back. She had returned to reality.

It was just a nightmare.

A nightmare that seemed so real.

She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"Mai? Are you awake?"

"Huh?"

> Next to her was Masako who sat beside her. The girl smiled. 

"It seems you woke up from a terrible nightmare," Masako said. "You were screaming just now."

Mai blushed. "Oh my God..."

Masako chuckled. "Don't worry. I know what it feels like. I also had nightmares once."

"Really?"

"Yes."

> "I see," Mai said. "This one was just terrible. I was in the office and... Naru and Lin had lost their minds. I didn't know what to do."

Masako nodded. "That was a very scary dream. I'm glad you got rid of it."

Mai smiled. "Thanks, Masako-chan. I'm glad it was just a dream."

> "Would you like something to drink? You must be thirsty."

Mai raised an eyebrow. "Um... sure. What would you recommend?"

"How about some tea?"

Mai nodded. "Tea sounds great."

"Good." Masako got up from the bed.

> After Masako left, Mai began to wonder. Why was Masako even in her room?

She knew that no one was supposed to enter without permission.

The only reason that she could come up with was that Masako had been summoned.

Mai frowned.

> She reached for her phone and scrolled through her missed messages. One was from Naru.

"Hey, Mai, I'm sorry to bother you but I need to talk to you. Can you meet me at the office today? I'll be waiting there. Thanks."

Mai stared at the message for a while before replying.

> She typed: "Sorry Naru, but I'm not feeling well. Maybe next week?"

Naru sent back a quick reply.

"Okay, I understand. Tell me if you change your mind."

Mai sighed.

She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or worried about Naru.

> Normally he didn't send such messages, but she decided to put it out of her mind. Masako returned with two cups of tea.

"Here you go."

"Thank you."

"Are you okay, Mai?"

Mai shrugged. "Just tired."

"Well, I'm going home now. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Masako."

> In the end, Mai was left alone with two cups of tea to drink.

She sipped at the hot beverage slowly.

She felt numb.

She hadn't experienced something like this since she was a child.

She felt confused.

And yet, she couldn't help but feel grateful.

Because she knew that Naru was still alive.

He wasn't possessed by Gene at all.

And that meant that he was safe.

[whysojiminimnida]

Your Yoongi is SO cute! OMG. Anyway, wanted to ask you about the photoshopping away of the tattoos. I have seen that sometimes it's done in Japan and Singapore,or is it the Philippines? Is that new photo from Samsung? I have also seen when JK wears a flesh colored or sometimes black half glove or patches to hide them during live performances. Seems weird to this western woman.

Hi anon!

JeiKei's tats are fun partly because they're soooo ... bad boy in Korea. Literally. Like, it's still not legal to tattoo there unless you're a doctor.

Brad Pitt's Seoul-based artist, Doy, has been hit with fines for tattooing illegally, even though he is widely considered to be one of the best artists in the world. For hundreds of years, the Korean government used tattoos to mark criminals - and slaves - and it's only been recently (since about 2015, so not that long) that tattoos have been worn in public at all.

In fact, until late 2020/early 2021, people with multiple tattoos or tattoos in places like the hands/knuckles? Were deemed UNFIT FOR ACTIVE MILITARY SERVICE. They put you in the kitchen or a back office somewhere with the fat kids, too-skinny, sickly or mentally not well kids.

Both Samsung and FILA are Korean companies, despite the fact that FILA was originally founded in Italy. It is now a Korean-owned brand. And both of those companies are BTS sponsors. And both those companies photoshop JeiKei's tattoos into oblivion, sometimes to the detriment of his poor hand in pictures. But even BigHit itself has 'shopped out Koo's tats, as recently as the Bon Voyage 4 promos in November of 2019 - right after his hand tattoos showed up.

(top: Jungkook at the airport on the way to film BV4, November 2019. bottom: Koo on the plane in BTS Official content, the same day. Something appears missing.) So we can't throw the blame or credit for removing JeiKei's tats onto other countries - this is a Korean man working and living in Korea, where the tattoo is still very much taboo. Jimin's NEVERMIND tattoo caused enough furor that most people thought it was fake for YEARS.

And interestingly, Jimin was the first BTS member to have tattoos - not Jungkook. And he has, by some counts, seven or eight of them. I've only ever seen four. AND ETA disclaimer: this falls under the "I heard" is not a valid source rule so I ain't got a valid source. Your guess is as good as mine okay but if he has extras we have not seen please jesus let one be on his ass

And THIS DAMN KOREABOO ARTICLE IS THE BASIS FOR FLOATING THAT ENTIRE TATTOO LIE, BTW:

September 16, 2019, and some TAEHYUNG STAN TAEKOOKER called @ taecypher_ on stan twt made up and/or posted an "ANALYSIS" of Koo's hand tats. With zero sources to back it up. And KOREABOO FUCKING PUBLISHED IT. And that, children, is how bullshit becomes canon. No proof, no receipts, no interview questions, just "this is what some doorknob thinks because she's a TKK stan" and "sounds great let's float that bitch". SO I GUESS I'M OUT HERE WRITING DISSERTATIONS ON TATTOO CULTURE IN KOREA NOW I really need to get a handle on this adult onset ADHD I have going on. Anyway, hope that helps, anon!

[samsspambox]

greetings, sam! if i may, i’d like to ask a question regarding a possibility you suggested in the tags of @/surely-galena’s post regarding giann not having a sprite

it was suggested that giann’s lack of a sprite may allude to him having lost his memory and you had raised the possibility of giann wanting to lose his memory. i’m curious as to why you had thought so 👀

although it’s perfectly understandable if you do not wish to answer as it has been some time since the theory was posted!

have a pleasant day ahead!

: ⚜️

good morrow fleur-de-lis nonnie!! that's a fancy emoji u got there jksbdcbjks you're always welcome to ask questions here! and i'm not about to pass up a chance to put my theory-approved tinfoil hat on!

you're right, i did suggest that giann could've wanted his memory erased! now, here's the thing: i guess i can say this is a theory within a theory. this is kinda relating to my giann is a filthy mastermind theory in which giann fakes his own kidnapping in order to hide from... someone idk. but his best chance at survival is hiding.

now, we know dr. richter is capable of hypnosis. this practice can suggest the mind to do different things, it's how some people are able to quit smoking, break phobias, or just change their behavior. (consult ur doctor to see if hypnosis is right for u lmaooo that's my legal disclaimer here). in popular media, at least, hypnosis fucks with your memory. if we take the bit in the giann is a mastermind theory, the one where he's hiding in plain sight at the giannovyn mental research center, then it makes sense for him to get his memory wiped. he's out of the playing field, might as well make sure that he stays out until vyn is ready to bring him back into play (as per a mutual agreement. you can't hypnotize someone into doing something they don't wanna do.)

alas, as you've said, it's been a while since this theory was posted. what are my thoughts now? well, it's not looking pretty, people. so: giann is one of the only people without a sprite that is important to the story. take marius' personal story 4: the main perpetrator of the impersonation was someone who's sprite was introduced that same chapter. giann was introduced in a flashback via marius' rrg card. so, following this logic: i don't think giann is going to get a sprite. i feel like he's dead. galena does a really good job as breaking down why she thinks giann is dead in the post you linked (and i shall also link here) and after a good chunk of the year and how i see the story progression going, i stand firmly with galena on this one.

theres also a thing i've been thinking about related to this and ironically, the fic i'm writing. galena, in her post, talks about how memory is an important part of the game, and also links this post by zak about memory. why is this important specifically? because of the effects of the nxx drug/flora x/X03A. i have a running theory on luke being affected by the drug which then leads to his illness, and in his anni card it states that it's neurological. it checks with how the drug itself works: "It affects the brain in many different ways. In children still developing it causes delays in growth. In adults, it makes them unstable, prone to depression or other mental ails." (that's,,, a quote for the fic i'm writing LMAOO) so who's to say the drug doesn't cause memory loss? what if giann is afflicted with the same stuff luke has, only it's worse on him? that the reason he doesn't have a sprite is because he lost himself?

*shrug* there's a lot of things that it could be. the theory holds up if you look at it through that lens, but i'm more inclined to say that they offed giann. after all, that makes for more conflict in the nxx and sometimes conflict drives the story. it all depends on your point of view.

thank you so much for this question fleur nonnie! i hope you stick around!!!

[moku-youbi]

I didn't start this post as an album review a decade and a half too late...

But here we are. disclaimer that this is full of digressions and might not matter to anyone except for me. I'm not really interested in arguing about who does these things "better," like those critical at the time did. I love MCR just as much as FOB, and Green Day holds a special place in my heart, but lyrically Pete speaks to me the most, and guess what? I can love more than one band that does similar things for different reasons???

to this day, I do not understand how Folie a Deux was so roundly dismissed and/or hated on by FOB fans. Purists want to act like emo as a genre can't draw on or include anything else, which I've always found obnoxious as hell anyway, so maybe that's why I don't understand the hate. But it's particularly funny to me, because I think in a lot of ways this is one of the darkest albums lyrically with a lot of tragically, aggressively dismal outlooks from Pete on his mental health and suicidal ideation. It's some of his most honest, rawest truths, but because of the music it's set to, his fans accused him of selling out instead of listening to what he was saying.

Songs like "27" (so named for the infamous 27 Club, which Pete was just slightly past at the time of writing it), "(Coffee's for Closers)," "Tiffany Blews," "What a Catch, Donnie," "w.a.m.s.," "20 Dollar Nosebleed," and "West Coast Smoker," (over half of the 13 song album) deal heavily with themes of lack of self-worth, the vicious cycle of drug use to deal with depression(both legal and illicit), conflating mental illness with talent, lack of control over his own life, struggling with feelings ungrateful in the face of fame (what does someone so famous/wealthy/well-loved/good-looking have to complain about anyway, cry-baby?!), being accused of using his mental illness as a prop, or faking it for notoriety, unable to find a human connection or not being able to hold onto it when he does, and on, and on, and on, all laced through, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly, with this idea that he doesn't know how to continue living, wants something desperately to show him how to continue living.

It's someone screaming for help, and given that Pete later discussed much of the inspiration coming from his feeling of the inevitability of the band's breakup, it's no wonder. These things are lyrically explicit or discussed in depth in interviews: He saw Fall Out Boy as the thing that had kept him alive past 27 (Pete and his management legitimately thought he would not live past that age). He saw Patrick as someone he was very close to, who understood him, something he regularly says feels impossible to him (what a match/I'm half-doomed, and you're semi-sweet). And he saw it falling apart (two songs acknowledge how tired they're getting in their first lines, "The (shipped) Gold Standard" and "20 Dollar Nosebleed" with Sometimes I wanna quit this song and become an accountant now/But I'm no good at math and besides the dollar is down and Have you ever wanted to disappear/And join a monastery, respectively). In "Tiffany Blews," Pete tells us he's A caterpillar that got stuck/Mr. Moth, come quick with any luck/A long walk to a dark house/A roman candle heart keep us far apart. He'd made it halfway through this transformation into something or someone else, maybe someone healthier or at least past self-destructive tendencies, and now he's stuck. He doesn't know what's coming next, but he needs it fast because he doesn't know if he can hold on for it. (Slightly off-topic, but I can't help but wonder how seeing Panic! at the Disco's split might have fucked him up over it even more--thank fuck things went much better for Fall Out Boy in that regard...)(If this is all getting you down, just remember the hiatus ended, and we have several beautiful albums that followed.) (Also off topic, but if you're an FOB fan and haven't listened to Pete's hiatus band's work, you are seriously missing the fuck out. I'll do a post on that later...)

But FOB fans are notoriously hard to please, something Pete acknowledges frequently on this album as well as others (on "She's My Winona" Patrick sings, Even the young ones become irrelevant/They always bring up how you changed/Never the same person when I go to sleep/As when I wake up,) while simultaneously letting them know he doesn't give a fuck (All of "I Don't Care").

I mean, I get that it's not a perfect album, but it's so full of pomp and passion, with all these catchy, pop-y choruses that make you wanna sing along at the top of your lungs while racing through the city with windows down (yes, okay, I'm harkening back to Infinity on High, but "Bang the Doldrums" is one of my favourite songs ever, so...) Poignant and tragic or breezy and giddy or maybe sometimes just a little bombastic, but with style. It also is a preview of some of the internal conflict over creative control that led to their hiatus, and the lyrical and stylistic changes from the albums that came after it ended. You can almost divide FOB's sound into Before Folie a Deux and After Folie a Deux (others will argue that Infinity on High marks that change. I think it has a lot more in common with what came before than what came after, but that's just me. I could alternately see their career as 3 distinct eras with 1 being PR/EOwYG, TTtYG, FUtCT, 2 being IoH and FaD, and 3 being everything post hiatus thus far, but I digress even further...)

But there are so few artists out there that create an album with such a mishmash of songs and pull it off. I mean, the rock opera anthems, power ballads, funk, 60's and 70's pop and rock influences, and whatever the hell "20 Dollar Nosebleed" is (other than absolutely delightful, especially with Brendon's vocals in there merging beautifully with Patrick's)--ragtime? IDEK?

There's so much in these lyrics, from the self-aware struggle for authenticity given their wealth and fame ("Disloyal Order of Water Buffalo": imperfect boys/With their perfect ploys/Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy). Pete's self-destructiveness, tempered by impending fatherhood: ("She's My Wyonna:" The only thing suicidal here is the door/We had a good run/Even I have to admit/Life's just a pace-car on death/Only less diligent/Hell or Glory/I don't want anything in between/Then came a baby boy with long eyelashes/Daddy said, "you gotta show the world the thunder!"), and maybe bitterness over the mockery made of his suicide attempts ("West Coast Smoker:" Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats/Gotta kill themselves 9 times before they get it right.) The politically invective ("20 Dollar Nosebleed:" The man who would be king goes to the/Desert the same war his dad rehearsed/Came back with flags on coffins and said/We won, oh, we won). The absolute tragic (All of "27," really, but starting off rough with, If home is where the heart is/then we're all just fucked/I can't remember.) And the just plain fun ("w.a.m.s.:" My head's in heaven/My soles are in hell/Let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well, and the absurdly whimsicality of "20 Dollar Nosebleed's chorus," Ba ba ba ba Benzedrine, bla bla bla Benzedrine/Ba ba ba ba ba Benzedrine, ahh.

I understand how scary it can be as a fan of a particular musician or band when their sound changes. I get it in a very profound way I'll touch on later in a different post, because this one is getting out of hand. But if we insist on our artists never changing, then we're just going to stagnate right along with them. Growth and change can be painful, but it can lead to beautiful things. Folie a Deux was Fall Out Boy going through growing pains, as individuals in their personal and professional lives, and as artists, both together and separately. I am as thankful for it as I am for everything they've created and shared with us. Even the few songs of theirs that aren't to my tastes. Either you accept that you aren't interested in authenticity so much as playing to your expectations, or you can't yell at them about betraying you.

[fallowfinality]

6, 18, 22

( 6. 3 things I love about my muse, under the cut because this got long.

hooh... I can filibuster, but I'll pick three.

I love his voice so much. I tend to infer too much from voices but here's what I hear:

Mozenrath is solid. In another life, under different circumstances, he'd be the guy you go to when you're dealing with something crazy that nobody else will hear you out on.

At the same time, he's so unapologetically himself, wherever that falls, that it really doesn't matter where it falls. I think he turns his back on the intensity that might otherwise overtake him, or else he really is from a softer world.

He is so incredibly 19 to me, from that voice. I know Jonathan Brandis was likely 18 at the time of recording most of his episodes, but the way he voices Mozenrath hits me in my little 19 year old heart for reasons I'm about to get into.

It's a weird age to portray: 19 year olds are legally adults, but they're not old enough to drink. At that time, you're still living with your parents, but you're just old enough to start feeling it. Being the type of person who always had trouble comprehending whether she was really as young as her years, Mozenrath's cadence and his moments of informality and his tantrums feel very... safe, I guess. Refreshing.

Secondly, the softer world. In my other fandoms, particularly WoW, there's a creeping shadow that eventually makes its way over everything. Every character, every place. Everything wears down under the weight of the shadow. I can get into this further in another post or clarify later, but needless to say things tend to enter triggering territory when I'm in another fandom too long.

But Mozenrath, and his world, are as of yet immune to this shadow. Maybe it's a Disney thing, but he's in an eternal summer. Even if he doesn't know it.

Third, and this is going to sound even crazier: Possession. When I get into a new character, sometimes I'll be 'possessed' by them.

Have you ever experienced mental pain trying to read something that isn't easy to process? Imagine that, but coupled with hyperfixation and the vague sense of feeling another person crawling into your head. That usually lasts about a week, and then you can call on his muse when you need him.

This is what helps me write fanfic about him, and what helps me hyperfixate long enough to get out those huge roleplay posts when they're needed. I'm glad he crawled into my head, though I sure hope he doesn't make a habit of it...

18. Something I wish I'd see more in the roleplay community.

Communication! I'll admit it's tough for me too. But too many things go unsaid OOC, and when too many things go unsaid, ghosting can happen.

22. Red roleplay flags.

Any elitism. Any at all. Style elitism, length elitism, hell, I've seen elitism in furry roleplay games over whose colors are more realistic. Whole time, both the wolves have emo hair.

I've also found that roleplaying shipping content (not just NSFW content, but any emotionally intensive / romantic content) with people a lot younger than you can set them up thinking they've got something with you OOC that they don't.

And by younger, I mean a 20 year old being bestest friends with the 13 year old they're doing angsty otp roleplay with (true story.) It's just not going to end well.

Otherwise... I don't know. One guy once used steamy RP (or the promise of it, he didn't get as far as a starter) to try to persuade me into actual OOC ~relations~ over Discord voice chat. That was bad. )

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Time for ✨Rules & Regulations✨ (UPDATED: 11/26/2021)

💅🏼🌻: Keep an eye out for these icons in future asks/Throughout the masterlists!

🔓MAJOR UPDAATE 2/23/2022: I will now only be accepting 5 Charas max per request! AND I will be updating the Masterlists every Friday. So I will not be posting on Fridays. Thank you! Like or reblog this post to let me know how many of you have seen this! 🔓

Rules in General!

DNI if you're under 18! This is a blog that contains sexual content, cussing, and stuff your parents probably don't want you seeing, and I'm sure you don't want to get caught reading! (let alone the legal aspects...) Minors please just keep yourself safe, okay?

No Proshippers, Racists, etc (The common sense stuff that usually hurts someone!)

I may seem a bit aggressive but I promise you I am 100% here for fun! And I can't wait to talk with you all!

If I EVER get any information wrong about a race or culture, please inform me! I love learning about this kind of stuff as well! So I'm all ears! (Hetalia was the only reason I had a high History grade lmao)

ASK BOX RULES:

You are allowed to ask for NSFW things! (All NSFW will be labeled with a #HandsyPandsy)

Head cannons- I can write just about anything! Please keep the max of characters to a minimum of 5! And the Scenarios per request to 1.

One Shots- Longish One Shots! They will be created specifically for whom ever asked them. Even if you're an Anon!

The Ask Box- I'm literally open to anything but Match ups. Feel free to ask for things like "Artist!Reader" etc, etc. I now do Country!Readers but they will be vague because races exist and I try to be as inclusive as possible.

Master Lists: WIP

-List For the Characters

2020-2021-Main 8

2020-2021- Side Characters

2022 List- Main 8

2022 List Side Characters

-List for AU's, Oneshots, and much more!

2020-2021

Other Junk:

Don't hesitate to resend an ask after a week or so of sending it! And don't be scared of asking just about anything, If it's something I don't feel comfortable with I will (Anonymously) Let you know!

Feel free to ask anything about me as a writer as well! I can understand it's a hard time for us all, so I hope I can make most of you smile at some point!

THE DAD JOKES- Made this on the FLY but I LOVE A GOOD OL JOKE! Send in a terrible dad pun, or pick up line and one or more of the G8 will respond! (Or if you want someone specific)

The sky is the limit, but keep in mind I do work full time and my brain is not always nice to me.

Not sure if what you're about to ask me is gonna make me uncomfortable? Send it anyway, I'm pretty chill about it because this is the internet.

Oh and please, do not ask for anything Non-con.

And last but not least! If there's a specific trigger warning I missed, pleas, please, PLEASE, let me know!

Under this cut is a baby ramble of what other things I will be doing with this blog, because I do not expect a lot of interactions because apparently the fanbase has gotten... vicious... It's what I get for living under a rock...

If you couldn't tell, I have a thing for Russia <3 (surprised? Da?) But I do write more on the fluffy side. I guess in a way I've done that whole "I don't like X,Y, or Z about Cannon so it is mine to change!" thing. In other ways I view my works as an almost AU (which is really weird because history~). And I have the word 'Secretary' in my name because I have an unwritten fanfic of.. okay it's a self insert because HA! Childhood Trauma, am I right? But Yeah, the Russian Teddy Bear is my comfort character- also he had me at the accent (Russian is ironically my favorite accent just cause it is). But Don't let that stop you. I'm not gonna get all Qoutev "Oh! He'S MiNe! RaWr XD" on you, promise! But yeah- I'll be posting on here for... god knows how long. I don't really know. IT literally depends on my Hyperfixation quota. But trust me, it does not die out quickly -_- no matter how much I wish it did sometimes. I'll also sometimes post more NSFW things for my own amusement, but I'll try very hard to keep things organized... So I'll apologize now If need be! But that's it! Feel free to ask whatever, about whatever. (Immediately gets Shakira stuck in my head). Oh! I'll probably have small fits of RolePlay-esque posts. It'll be fun... fun... ehhh- Now that you've read most of this Pinned Tweet! Have a Hug! Or a cookie if you do not want! (^J^)

P.S It's too much fun to make Russia emotes, like it's not the fact it's Russia, it's just really cute... big ol' smoochable nose... JUST SAYING!

[lavenderek]

So you're saying you don't think "underage" fic is gross. Is that what youre saying?

well, no. yuck. what i’m saying is, what exactly and specifically do we want to happen?

there should not be explicit fic about underage characters, got it. so what age can they not be under? 18? 16? what country’s laws regarding the age of consent do we prioritize? like, i think it’s gross that the age of consent is 16 in some places, but i’m an american, so i would, wouldn’t i? so ok, what if we hedged it a bit and put the age as like, 14? that way it’s not little kids, it’s all teenagers. but no, gross, 14-year-olds are children. fun fact: so are 16-year-olds. they are also children.

what about fic about two teenagers having a consensual encounter? should all romantic or sexual fic have to be about adults only? your answer to this may very well be “yes,” and that’s completely valid. a teenager writing fic might disagree. somebody who’s a big fan of a show that’s about a bunch of teenagers might disagree. should there be an adults-only section on the site? there’s already a “stop, you have to be 18″ box to check before you can access explicit fic, so how do we verify a user’s age? they can just lie about their age and click through anyway. you have to be 18 to make a youtube account and i’ve had one since i was 13. i remember very deliberately choosing a new birth year when it asked for my birthdate.

then you get to slightly greyer areas like large age gaps, or heavy role play between consenting adults. i have absolutely witnessed fic that’s clearly written to be CP, but it’s tagged as age play. so like, for all intents and purposes this is CP, but if you roll in like “hey, this is fucked up,” they can be like, “oh, so you read this picturing actual children, sicko?? you have a problem with two adults doing shit in the bedroom??? how dare you!!! don’t like don’t read!!!”

it’s kind of like on porn sites, how they make like nasty inc*st stuff but call it “stepmom” or whatever, like oh, they’re not actually related! sure, joseph, thanks for covering all your bases

so we can’t ban kinks. or can we? should we limit depictions of serious addictions or domestic abuse too? torture, or even body horror? these are generally accepted to be dark content.

i’m not trying to engage in whataboutism, i’m naming actual, relevant questions about shit that’s disturbing in real life (no offense to kink people who follow codes of consent and conduct) and can be incredibly upsetting to encounter online. shit that i can’t imagine wanting to read, let alone write.

these are the questions that we, you, i, people pro-a*3 and people anti-a*3, are all asking, and not a single one of us can or should answer them unilaterally.

so it’s like, oh, okay, so there should be no oversight at all? should there be no rules? no, obviously, that would be horrible, i don’t trust any of these fuckers to conduct themselves civilly. so there should be some rules, but not too many rules. that’s what we have now, and clearly the way things are now isn’t working because a lot of users are reasonably very upset.

should there be a voting system, and rules are set by a popular vote? should certain words be flagged and you can’t post the fic with that word in it? should there be a thing where when you post a fic, you have to select the ages of each character and that’s listed at the top of the fic? what if they age during the fic? should there be a flagging function, where you report someone for not using sufficient tags? users will find workarounds for all of this. you know they will. so mods will have to be very specific about the rules and introduce, like, a vetting system for it. which is a lot more manpower and a lot more chances for subjective judgments.

all of the above is why it operates on a tagging system instead. i’m gonna be real, i only go on a*3 to read comments on my own shit lmao, and even when i did go on there more often i never went in the tags searching for fic. so is there a blacklist function? is there a flagging function?

if there is a flagging function, maybe they make it so that if the flagged user has violated the rules, their account is suspended and their fic made private for the duration and until they add necessary tags.

cool, a compromise. but uh-oh, it turns out Mod A agrees that this fic is n*ncon, but Mod B thinks it’s just vague, not n*nconsensual, and doesn’t feel comfortable banning the fic. or it turns out User didn’t post anything flaggable, they were reported by somebody who is targeting them for some reason, or by someone who is more stringent about n*ncon than somebody else would be, like, it’s gotta be enthusiastic and verbal consent or else it’s skirting the edges too much.

it’s like, we’ve already witnessed censorship (please take this word usage gently, i know it’s touchy but it’s the word to use here) being a problem here on tumblr with their stupid nipple ban. there’s a double standard regarding whose nipples are explicit and whose are kosher for public consumption. people have to appeal their shit getting flagged and sometimes nothing gets fixed regardless. i’m sure other people are pleased that there’s less of a chance of them accidentally scrolling past a picture of a hard dick at work.

so you get it, this is a problem that’s more complicated than “all of x should be banned and if you post it there’s something wrong with you,” a belief you’re more than entitled to hold but can’t base, like, fanfic legislation off of. you get it you get it.

you get it, but like, what is the fucking deal with those “fandom moms” who go off on soliloquies about the days of old or whatever the fuck whenever this topic comes up? what about the weirdos who are like, “what’s next, banning gay fic????” yeah, if we allow gay marriage you can marry a tree, that’s how it works, thanks tiffany.

but no, the reason they do this is NOT that they think lgbtq content is comparable in any way to CP. the reason they do this is that this exact problem has taken place on every site that has ever hosted fic. and many previous sites did think lgbtq content was comparable to CP. it was categorized as adult content and hidden.

that’s why a*3 exists in the first place. it was to avoid godmodding and absolutism. it’s supposed to be more or less self-governed. i don’t want there to be CP on a*3 any more than you do, but i also don’t trust randos to decide what is and isn’t acceptable content. this topic is not new.

i’m in support of stronger government regulation in real life because it can be argued that certain actions and systems violate human rights. everybody deserves food and shelter, for example. the same can’t be argued in this case because some creep writing CP doesn’t violate my rights. i find it offensive and i don’t think they should be writing it, but my right to click the back button is intact. there is no institution making it impossible or even difficult for me to not read fanfiction. the creep could just as reasonably argue that their right to post what they want is being affected.

why is this response so long? is it because i can’t shut up? yes, but also because this is a complex issue and that’s why nobody has taken significant action on it.

people are also big mad.

i’ve never understood this impulse to see somebody not doing a thing you want them to do and assume it’s out of malice or incompetence, anyway. i don’t know anybody who volunteers for a*3 but it’s my assumption that given the choice to have us all pissed at them, or have us all not pissed at them, they would choose to have us not be pissed at them. it just seems like the reasonable reaction to have. and like, i’d be pretty shocked to part the kimono and find out they’re all CP-loving gargoyles and a*3 actually stands for A lot Of child abus3. that is the reason i have not been like, “fuck a*3.” because what are they supposed to do, you know?

there’s no simple or inarguably morally right solution here. the princess is in another castle. just post fic on tumblr, i guess? make another hosting site that’s exactly like a*3 but romantic characters can only be like, 21?

i actually think the legal age in the US should be raised to 21, not joking. your brain literally and biologically isn’t finished developing at 18. teenagers lack the world experience to make decisions that adults make.

somewhere there is an 18-year-old or a person who moved out and became self sufficient at 18 who hates this sentiment. there’s a teenager in an abusive home who would be intensely demoralized by the prospect of having to remain beholden to these people for three more years.

and there’s a parent who is relieved to know that their kid can’t be preyed on by army recruiters for three more years. there’s a person who got into a car crash with a teenager who misjudged whether or not they could make a turn who’s like, yeah, she could probably have benefited from a few more years.

nothing is as simple as it should be. i agree with you, but i’m not willing to pass blanket judgments with regards to actions that should be taken. and honestly, given how little i actually go on the site, i don’t even have a dog in this fight. so all my opinions on it are moot anyway.

(side note, if you are in an abusive home and you can’t make your own bank account, or if your bank account is monitored by your abusive parents, maybe try venmo? you can get a debit card that pulls directly from your venmo balance. a surprising number of places accept venmo payments, and this way you can save up money in secret.)

anyway uhhhhh seeya

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hey, I'm doing good too. Just normal amounts of stressful stuff right now. Just moved to a country I've never been to before but can't complain, things are not as hard as the last time I did this so. Thanks for asking! Yeah, I saw you posting about some pretty scary health issues before, I'm glad you came out of that alive and hope you're healthier now!

The nerve some people have! Haha I know I would be pissed if people were questioning my intelligence like that especially after a couple of drinks in haha. Though I do like taunting people when I play group games, I'll be like "don't need to try that hard guys, you're gonna lose anyway" just to mess with them or just call people sore losers if they accuse me of cheating haha (they're probably right on the accusations tho). People get real mad sometimes it's kinda funny. 😂

Omg literally laughed out loud reading this! Hahaha, how did you manage to fall over a road sign then end up in a ditch? lol omg hope you didn't get hurt too bad 😂 I was trying to downplay my drunken escapades but since you shared yours I should tell you my worst one:

I was at this summer street party at night and got drunk on something made out of tropical herbs and cachaça (which is about 48% alcohol), drank 3 and a half bottles of that like it was apple juice, made friends with a bunch of strangers in a bathroom queue (who tried to talk to me weeks later but I had no idea who they were), had to be held by my best friend while I peed (mostly missing the toilet), fell in the middle of the street and scraped my knee, threatened this boy who was helping me walk and told him not to try anything funny or I would beat him up, then dragged my friends to the beach and left them shortly after to go make out with my ex, came back with lipstick all over my mouth and chin and when my friends asked what I was doing I said I was just talking to my ex and they were like NO YOU WERE NOT, hahaha then I kissed all my girl friends on a dare and we danced under the full moon, then I told my best friend I had to puke so she took me to the ocean but I changed my mind and happened to step on a dead turtle on the way back and started crying bc of it, but last month my best friend told me it was a rock I had stepped on (I believed it was a dead turtle for 7 years!). Had the worst hangover of my life the next day. ✌️✨

Ah I'm happy you liked it! I've never listened to Six musical before but it sounds fun! I can see why you like it haha made me want to dance around my apartment 💃. And hey if liking musicals is your thing then it's great, I'm sure Hozier will understand if he's not your top artist of the year. 😋 Here's my "damie" Pinterest board if you or anyone else wants to check it out, totally recommend making one if you're a visual person like me!

https://pin.it/UcHVlkq

Oh I could talk about Dani and Jamie forever I think. I love the beast in the jungle speech too and it's so painful to watch, VP delivered that beautifully, but I have to admit I'm always a crying mess from episode 1 when older Jamie starts reciting that song about being sad while waiting for her lover to return, this show is fucking cruel I hate it and love it at the same time hahaha. Omg your mom 😂 but I mean it's truly an honor to be compared to someone like Dani, no? She's really great even if she needs a little help haha (don't we all).

Aaah you're amazing! Thank you so much, I'll read this pirate AU soon!

I used to draw a lot, really loved doing it when I was a kid as I said before, and all throughout adulthood too but I haven't done that in almost a year now bc I've got a bit of a case of burnout I guess, it just takes a lot of effort to do it when it shouldn't be like that at all. I used to do fanart too, for other fandoms. Even made one for Dani x Jamie but ended up not liking how it turned out haha. I've got a lot of respect for writers and fanfic writers also! Yall can make words make sense in really interesting and beautiful ways, build worlds so enthralling I can see them vividly in my head. Writing is such an incredibly fascinating skill to have! And I guess the most important thing is that we enjoy doing these things right? Even if we think we're not particularly good at it.

Anyway, have a lovely weekend! 👋✨

Good I'm glad you're doing great but sorry you're dealing with stressful stuff!! Hope living in a new country goes well for you I'm so jealous that you've lived in different countries I'd love to live somewhere else even if just for s few years!! Awwh thank you so much I definitely came out of it alive and am feeling so much better now thank you I mean I do some pretty ditzy things so when people say it to me it's pretty deserved sometimes, I'm secretly smart and people just don't expect it so I never mind too much haha I might have to start saying the things that you do and just taunting them over it I mean, I usually do win even when they make me answer different questions so I will definitely have to start saying things like that to them Haha I love that you're just like "yeah they're probably right in their accusations" I agree seeing how mad some people get over games and stuff is funny (it's me I'm people I hate loosing games depending on what it is and I am very competitive) So it was very dark and all we had for light was my roommates flashlight on her phone but while we were walking home a friend of ours that lived else where kept texting her to make sure we were still safe (my phone as dead at this point) so while she was texting him her flashlight was facing down and someone had moved this road sign to the footpath and it was on that sits on the floor so while I couldn't see it I walked into it and fell over it but while I feel I grabbed hold of it and flipped with it and fell in a ditch with it on top of me... I was fine and was just laid laughing while my friend looked down at me and in the most northern accent ever just said "get up you dickhead." and helped me off of the floor and then asked if I was okay... and I was so it was all good!! Haha 😂 I love this drunken story that sounds like one hell of a night and is a roller coaster from start to finish!! I'm sorry you thought you had stood on a dead turtle for 7 years though, someone really should've told you that it was just a rock!! But that sounds like my kind of night!! I love nights like that... stories that will last a life time... the only down side is the hangover... luckily I have only ever had one hang over in my life and it wasn't the morning after the road sign fiasco... I felt surprisingly good the morning after that haha 😂 It's such a good musical it's about Henry VIII wives and I just love everything to do with his wives and that musical is so much fun and actually gives a little insight to the lives the six Tudor queens had away from Henry and with him because at school we're mainly just taught about him which sucks!! I loved the Hozier song and am definitely gonna have to listen to more of his stuff!! I love musicals so much I mainly listen to musical soundtracks at the minute- usually, Legally Blonde and Six on repeat haha 😂 Ooo thank you I will definitely check out this Pinterest board thanks for sending it to me!! I could talk about them forever too... since watching Bly Manor my niece has been asking me so many questions about it and I am more than happy to talk to her about it haha!! The beast in the jungle speech just breaks my heart every time I relate to it so much and VP just delivers it so beautifully!! Oh yeah now I know at the beginning that it's older Jamie I am just a wreck the whole show is just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time I LOVE IT!! Even though it makes me sob- I keep putting myself through it!! I mean, yeah I was happy that she said it Dani is great but it was the way she said it... my mum can be something else sometimes... she said she thought Dani was like me the first time she does the accent when she says "I've fallen quite in love with London" because I just randomly do accents a lot too but it was the way she was like "She needs help... but I like her she reminds me of you" I was just like... "Should I go get help?" I still don't know the answer to my question about if I need help or not but I mean I probably do need it You're welcome I really hope you like it!! It's a

great fic I love it!! Yeah I get that if stuff starts taking too much effort and burns you out you're not gonna wanna keep doing it so it's understandable that you stopped!! I think fan art is great and I really would love to be able to do it myself but I just don't have the skill it takes!! Awwh it's a shame you didn't like the Dani x Jamie one you did I would've loved to have seen it!! Honestly there are so many talented writers out there and when I read their fics I am just in awe of the worlds they have built and the stories they have created we are so blessed in this fandom to have so many amazing writers and so many amazing fics out there Oh yeah definitely its important to enjoy what you do!! I know I love writing and love writing fics for Dani and Jamie so I think I'll be doing it for a while even if I'm not great at it haha Awwh thank you very much I hope you have a great weekend too!! ☺️

[charmingstrangeness]

Rating: Teen

Characters: Hashida Kanshichirou, Sakata Gintoki

Word count: 2105

Summary:

In which Hashida Kanshichirou seeks an escape from the weight of his new responsibilities as an adult - only to find a charismatic and suspiciously familiar silver-haired drunk instead.

[ao3 cross-post]

This idea was rolling around in my head since my first watch of the show, and a zine felt like the perfect opportunity to finally write it out. And so, here it is - my contribution to Samurai Heart: A Gintama Fanzine. You can (and should) check out the zine at @gintamazine  on both tumblr and twitter!

Huge thanks to everyone involved with the zine - it was a lot of fun and i'm super proud to have worked alongside such a talented group of people! Extra thanks to the zine mod, who put in a ton of work to make sure everything sailed smoothly, and extra extra thanks to the other fic contributors (Liatheus, UnidentifiedPie, corvidity and jackopancake) for your beta reading, edits, comments, and general conversation <333

Enjoy!

One foot in front of the other.

He tries to lose himself in the act of running – the sharp breaths that come as gasps more than anything else, the burning ache in his leg muscles, the way his surroundings blur and fly past him – until an errant rock connects with his foot, and suddenly Hashida Kanshichirou is sprawled in the dirt, panting hard and no further from escaping his own spiral of anxieties than he’d been when he began his desperate flight.

Now that he’s still, tendrils of the conversation he’d been trying to outrun take root in his mind – you’re an adult now, Kanshichirou, it’s time for us to talk about you taking over the family business.

Gritting his teeth, he picks himself up from the road. The fact of the matter is, he’s only sev— eighteen years old. An adult? He feels like a child still – a child being thrown into a lifelong responsibility before he’s ready to handle it. Kanshichirou snorts derisively; thinking of the Hashida corporation as a mere “family business” is laughable on its own, and his grandfather wants him to be in charge of it already? Kanshichirou isn’t ready for that yet. He’s not even ready to think about it. And he doubts he’ll ever be ready to give up his morals, either; he knows what kind of ethically dubious things his grandfather does to keep the Hashidaya going. Taking over from his grandfather, going against his own conscience for the sake of profits… That’s not the kind of life he wants.

Kanshichirou kicks at the rock that brought him down and watches it skitter down the road. He’s not entirely sure where he is – some seedy part of town, by the looks of it. The street is lined with bars and cabaret clubs, their colourful signs flashing beacons of hope in the night for those weary of their problems and looking for an escape. To his left, soft light spills through the doorway of a pub. The warm glow is inviting, beckoning even, and Kanshichirou shrugs. Eh, what the hell. He may still be two years short of legal drinking age, but according to his grandfather he’s enough of an adult to run a goddamn conglomerate, so why not? How else do adults deal with their problems beyond trying to drink themselves into oblivion, anyways?

The bar stool is a hair too tall for him; Kanshichirou feels awkward hopping up onto it, and he slips off gracelessly and has to try again. He tries to get comfortable, but no matter how much he adjusts himself on the poorly padded seat, it’s just not possible. Swallowing nervously, he silently thanks the heavens that no one seems to be paying attention to him, lest they immediately spot the fact that he really doesn’t belong—

“And what’ll it be today, sir?”

Kanshichirou jumps in his seat, one knee smacking painfully into the underside of the bar. Across the counter, the bartender stares at him expectantly.

What do people even order at bars? For a brief second, Kanshichirou forgets everything he’s ever known about alcohol or adulthood or life as a whole, and he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“S-saké, please?” The quaver in his voice is unmistakable; surely the bartender is going to throw him out—

But no, the man only nods, and turns to the shelf of liquor behind him.

Kanshichirou exhales the smallest sigh of relief as the adrenaline begins to drain from his system. He’s passed the test – no one here will question him now. Satisfied, Kanshichirou leans his elbows onto the bar.

“Oi, aren’t you a little young to be drinking saké?”

Kanshichirou jumps a little less this time. He turns to the speaker, ready to defend his position as a proper adult of legal drinking age, and is promptly halted in his tracks by an overwhelming sense of familiarity; Kanshichirou thinks of framed photographs, in his own house and in his grandfather’s estate, of a different man – a man with a gleeful grin and sparkling eyes and the same wild, silver hair as the man sitting two barstools to his right in the present moment.

But Kanshichirou’s father is dead, and has been since before he was even born; he knows this, has always known this. And the man beside him shares no resemblance to the man in the photographs beyond that wavy silver hair, either – the face is wrong, and those eyes are lifeless, like a dead fish…

Kanshichirou shakes his head to clear out his thoughts. “I’m an adult, I’m allowed to be here,” he snaps. He didn’t come here to be plagued by memories, or to be belittled by strangers. He came here to drink, dammit – to drink and be properly irresponsible about his duties. Just like any other responsible adult.

The man snorts. “An adult? Barely. You sound like you still need to grow some hair between your legs, kid.” His face is flushed, and his words are a touch slurred.

Kanshichirou rolls his eyes. “Who are you to tell me where I still need to grow hair? Besides, the bartender is already serving me anyways.”

“Damn Kabukichou bartenders never check for I.D.,” the man mutters. “Irresponsible, really. I swear, I’m the only human being alive in this universe who actually gives half a shit about keeping our image family-friendly…” He trails off into indiscernible mumbles, glaring angrily into his cup.

What strange man, Kanshichirou thinks as he turns back to the bar, just as the bartender places a cup and a small flask of saké in front of him.

“Thank you,” he says with confidence. The bartender only nods before wandering off.

Some of that confidence immediately wanes, however, as he looks down at the saké. He knows it’s supposed to poured into the cup but… How much? And is there some secret pouring technique that only true adults know? What if he does it so incorrectly that everyone realizes he’s not supposed to be here?

“Never poured your own saké before, huh?”

Kanshichirou looks up – the man is smirking, and god Kanshichirou wants nothing more than to wipe that shit-eating grin off his face.

“Screw off, old man. Tend to your own drink.”

“Hey, who’re you calling a shitty old geezer?!” The man frowns. “Kids these days. What are you even doing here, anyways?”

“Having a drink, obviously,” Kanshichirou rolls his eyes.

“Damn you, you know what I meant. Why are you here, you shitty brat? Explain it in thirty words or less!” He gestures dramatically towards Kanshichirou, alcohol sloshing over the rim of the cup in his hand.

“I told you, I’m here to have a drink.” Kanshichirou’s voice falters a bit, and he glances towards the ground. “You know… to deal with stuff. That’s what adults do, right? They drink to fix their problems.”

The man raises an eyebrow. “Oh, do they now? Now there’s a mark of your age if I ever heard one.”

Kanshichirou frowns. “What, you think that just because I’m young I can’t have problems?”

“Nah, I just think that you’re naïve for believing that alcohol will fix them.”

The man’s words drive through Kanshichirou’s body like a nail. He’s right, of course; Kanshichirou knows he’s right (but he doesn’t want him to be right).

“What kind of problems are you running away from that have you looking to get drunk at a seedy bar, anyways?” The stranger shifts over a seat so he’s sitting right beside Kanshichirou. “Aren’t you too young to be doing this kind of thing?”

Kanshichirou winces. “It’s… a big responsibility. I don’t want to deal with it right now.”

“How big?”

“Really big… It’s, well. It’s kind of deciding on my future, you know?” Kanshichirou’s brow wrinkles. “I’m being pressured to make a big career choice, but I’m not really ready to make it yet.”

“Ah, I see.” The man nods sagely. “Who is it, your mom? Your dad?”

“My grandfather,” Kanshichirou corrects. “He wants me to take over the family business, now that I’m finally eighteen, and he wants me to start right away.”

“So what, you’ve got a steady career and some kind of fortune lined up from day one? Doesn’t sound so bad to me. Do you know how many people would kill to be in your position?”

“It’s a good opportunity, I guess, but it’s not what I want.”

“So what do you want?”

“I want…” Kanshichirou furrows his brow. “I want to make choices I can be happy with? I want… an enjoyable life, I guess.”

“Like a cherry blossom?”

Kanshichirou blinks in surprise. He’s heard that phrase before – according to his mother, it was something his father used to be fond of saying, back when he was alive.

I want to live like a cherry blossom.

It wasn’t something that had ever made sense, but… hearing it now… Kanshichirou feels like he finally understands the sentiment behind those words.

“Yeah… like a cherry blossom, I guess.”

The stranger takes a slow sip from his drink in response. Kanshichirou waits, expectantly.

“You know, kid… It’s true that sometimes, the things other people value aren’t always important. Being filthy rich, or living long enough to meet your great-great-grandchildren, or any of that. But even then… life is full of responsibilities, and you can’t just ignore them.” The man turns to face Kanshichirou. There’s something in his eyes, but Kanshichirou can’t tell what it is – it’s not motivation, but it isn’t defeat, either. “Maybe the way your grandfather lives his life doesn’t appeal to you, and that’s okay. But taking over the family business doesn’t mean following in his footsteps, you know?”

Kanshichirou cocks his head. “I… guess? I don’t know what you mean, exactly.”

“I mean, if you’ve got your own code, your own brand of bushido, you can still follow that. You can take over the company, but then run it the way you want to.” He gulps back the rest of his drink and slams the cup on the counter. “You don’t have to run from your responsibilities. You can meet them head on, and make the choices you want to make, and still live a happy life.”

Kanshichirou stares into his cup of saké and considers the stranger’s words. While the thought of following his grandfather’s legacy is certainly terrifying, the thought of changing that legacy…

Maybe I could…

A rustle to his right breaks Kanshichirou out of his thoughts – the man is standing up.

“Ah, wait! Are you going so soon?” There’s a silent plea in his words – please stay, you make me feel better about this, I want to keep talking to you.

“Sorry, kid. I’ve got my own responsibilities to deal with.”

“Oh…” Kanshichirou scratches the back of his head awkwardly and gazes at the ground. “Well… thanks for the advice. It helped.”

The stranger smiles. “Any time, kid.” He takes a few steps away from the bar, then stops and looks over his shoulder. “Listen, Kanshichirou—”

Kanshichirou’s head snaps back up.

We never—

“—in a couple years when you’re actually old enough to drink, come find me, okay? And we’ll share a drink for real.” He turns and walks away.

“W-wait!” Kanshichirou jumps off the bar stool. “Who are you? How do you know my name??”

The man raises his hand in a sort of farewell wave. “It’s a promise, okay? Remember, a samurai doesn’t make a promise he can’t keep.”

For a second, Kanshichirou sees it – sees the same man, walking away from him, only this time he’s walking away from a park bench, into a quiet spring night… Then he’s back in the bar, and the man is disappearing out the door, and Kanshichirou’s knees are buckling at the sudden memory.

Who…

“Hey, take responsibility for your tab before you leave!”

Kanshichirou spins around. The bartender is glaring at him from across the counter.

“S-sorry!” he practically squeaks, and stumbles back to the bar. “Here, let me get my money.”

“And I’m assuming you’ll be paying for your dad’s, too?”

Kanshichirou starts. “My dad?!”

“Yeah, that guy you were with? The one who just left without paying his bill.”

“He’s, uh, he’s not my dad.”

“Oh really? You too look exactly alike, you know.”

Kanshichirou laughs. “Yeah, that’s fair. And heck, I’ll pay his bill anyways. Just tell me who he is.”

“That’s Yorozuya Gin-chan. He runs the odd jobs place a few blocks from here.”

Yorozuya Gin-chan, huh? Kanshichirou can’t help but smile as he digs for his wallet.

I’ll find you again, Gin-san, he thinks. It’s a promise.

[justherefortaylorswift]

there’s glitter on the floor after the party...

Taylor,

*About 9 days ago, on May 22nd, 2018, I had just arrived home from your Seattle show at CenturyLink Field. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. I had so much on my mind and was still on a high from your show. So, in the early hours of the morning, after my friends had long gone to bed, I began to write. I’ve revised my original note quite a bit since then. I’ve also had the opportunity to do some additional reflecting since tour, and I have some thoughts. So, I guess this is the end-result of a mash-up of 4AM overly-emotional rambling, combined with well thought-out, fully coherent, mature writing. I feel like I really over-explained this. I could have been a lot less-awkward in setting this up. Let's just get into it:

[SO. I just got home from your Seattle show. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This was my 6th tour, and I made what seems like an infinite amount of unforgettable memories with a group of incredible people I call my ‘Swiftie Fam” (the name needs work...). There's Cecil (my long-time, Canadian Swiftie friend, you’ll see him in earlier posts), Wanda (Cecil’s wife), Kaeden (7. Cecil & Wanda’s son. Major Swiftie. His first concert!), and finally the beautiful Maile (a recent addition to the fam, and now a life-long friend!).  It’s hard to explain in words, but we all have developed a connection that’s special and unique because of what we experienced together. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to stand by my side tonight. We danced, laughed, and cried together… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood. These people ‘get’ me.

Not surprisingly, I screamed every single lyric at the top of my lungs and subsequently lost my voice almost IMMEDATIELY. With that in mind, I suppose a more accurate description would be: I wasn’t so much singing, as I was gasping for the remainder of the show. I literally danced with until I was out of breath. I cried (ok, SOBBED) all of my make-up off (a Long Live/NYD mash-up… are you kidding me?! I FEEL ATTACKED). 

By the end of the night, I resembled a pathetic, overly-emotional, glittery, drowned rat.

and I was living my absolute best life.

Also, I was REALLY proud of our outfits this time around! I think we did a decent job of recreating your Direct TV commercial, with my rainbow two-piece, and Cecil’s interpretation of Olivia Benson dressed as a Caticorn (I can’t say I ever thought I’d use that in a sentence). It consisted of around 8-10 hours total of gluing, painting, and hand-sewing, leading up to the show. Everything turned out awesome, way better than expected. Totally worth the man hours! Wanda hand-made matching these adorable matching t-shirts for her and little Kaden (Big Rep & Little Rep), and Maile constructed a beautiful MASTERPIECE from the mountain LYWMMD outfit- it was freakin’ incredible and HOT!

There was something a bit different about this tour for a couple of reasons:

[The production.] I don’t think I’ve experienced such sensory-overload in my LIFE. The whole time it was like a constant stream of frantic, internal dialogue with a lot of run-on sentences, like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING SHE’S GIVING US CHOREO OMG YAAASSS WERK HONEY IF A MAN TALKS SHIT WE DON'T OWE HIM A DAMN THING OH MY GOD ITS RAINING CONFETTI I MUST COLLECT IT I HOPE THESE MULTI-COLORED FLASHING LIGHTS DON’T GIVE ME AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK WHERE THE F-CK DID THESE GIGANTIC SNAKES COME FROM THERE ARE LITERALLY STAGES EVERYWHERE I’M OVERWHELMED OH SHIT SHES PULLING A SPEAK NOW BY WALKING THROUGH THE CROWD WHAT'S GOING ON OH GOD F-CKING FIREWORKS THESE VOCALS ARE LIT THO I'M SWEATING I’M DEFINITELY GONNA NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS NEW YEARS DAY/LONG LIVE MASH UP IS THAT A FOUNTAIN WHATS HAPPENING OH GOD IT’S REAL WATER AND SHE’S IN THE FOUNTAIN I’M HAVING A 2008 SHOULD’VE SAID NO ACM AWARDS FLASHBACK MOMENT HOLY SH-T MORE F-CKING FIREWORKS SO MUCH PYRO IS THIS EVEN LEGAL” I’ve gotta say, you have BEST band (Paul, Amos and Mike..OGS), vocalists (Eliott and Kamilah…the TALENT), and all the dancers. Every single person on that stage was on FIRE, and their talent, passion, and individual personalities made the night sparkle.

[The fans.] I freaking adore this fan culture. I’ve never met a Swiftie who wasn’t ridiculously friendly, welcoming, and super relatable. The vibe was so positive. I’ve never smiled, waved and taken pictures with so many random strangers in my life. It felt as if we were literally in a different world that day. It felt like home.

[YOU!.]  We need to talk about this major GLO UP you’ve got going on, honey. You exude SO much confidence and you're just pure sunshine. When I think about the way you’ve carried yourself these past couple of years through all of the BS drama, I can’t help but feel damn proud. You’ve successfully converted pain into art, into music. Real music, that’s poignant, raw, and just BAD ASS. Your lyrics continue to foster a special connection you maintain with the audience...a connection that often times breathes life into brokenness.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world tonight. 

This may have been my best concert experience ever, which is actually pretty ironic because:

Unlike Red, I wasn’t in the Pit

I didn’t have VIP seating, like 1989

You weren’t close enough for any potential high fives, waves, or eye contact like I experienced at Speak Now at B-Stage

We were not chosen for Rep Room (or T-Party, Club Red, or Loft 89)

…But, it was OK. It was way more than OK. It was truly a dream.

Listen: Something I've always deeply admired about you is that you make it a priority to maintain a personal relationship with the fans.  It’s clear you want to meet as many of us as possible, and you make a conscious effort to do so. You get to know us as individuals and you CARE, and that means everything us and makes such an impact. I mean, you invite us into your HOME for crying out loud, you walk through massive crowds and give high-fives, you lurk our Instagrams and Tumblrs and interact on social media, and you always make a notable effort to meet as many of us as possible at tour.

However, this can sometimes turn into a bit of a "Catch 22" situation for people. The downside, is that it’s honestly SUPER easy to fall into the “trap” of being consumed with the possibility of meeting you after your shows. Due to the fact that the “selection” process is both intentional, yet also random. To be transparent, it's quite difficult to not obsess with the idea of ‘trying’ to get chosen. I witness this behavior so often, in others and in myself just as much, if not more. Selfishly, I often feel not only jealous, but UPSET when I see photos/read experiences of other fans meeting you. I sometimes feel like the only one who hasn’t yet gotten the opportunity.  It can quickly turn into a mind-game if you're not careful, which has the potential to become toxic if we allow the idea of meeting you to rule supreme over what it's actually about...which is the MUSIC. And, this amazing show you put on for us night after night. And somewhat understandably so, I've witnessed the obsession with being chosen to meet you become a main focus point for a lot of us (including myself a bit!). It's pretty stressful, and can easily dampen or cheapen the concert experience, if you're not careful. As dramatic as this probably sounds, Tumblr (and social media) can be brutal within this fandom, and dare I say ‘cut-throat’ at times. It's easy to get upset watching (what seems like) literally EVERYONE get that opportunity, except you. 

That said, I had a wake-up call/mini-epiphany recently, which manifested while driving home from your show at Midnight on May 22nd with my friends, feeling so amazing and so grateful for what I just experienced…but also a little guilty because I feel like I’ve spent way too much time worrying about the possibility of meeting at you when you come to Seattle, how to get the attention of Taylor Nation, where to find Mama Swift, getting that guitar pick from Papa Swift, and this time was no different. Granted, my intentions are 100% pure and it’s only because you’ve meant so freakin much to me for so many years, and it's almost as if my life won’t be complete until I finally get to tell you in person. That said, there is certainty a valuable lesson to be learned here. I am confident that you and I will come face-to-face one day (hopefully with my Swifie fam!). The stars will align at the exactly the right time, and I will have my moment with you, and it will be SO worth the wait. You can't "force" stuff like this, you know? The privilege of meeting you is almost ‘sacred’ in a sense. At least in my opinion. Anyway, my point is: I refuse to a continue to attempt to “create fate” by attempting to "earn" my worthiness in fandom. It’s not productive, it's not healthy, and it’s not cute.

Alright, this is getting out of hand. I need to wrap this up. 🤣 I’m not sure whether or not you’ve seen any of my throwback photo-posts I posted the week leading up to the show. They definitely explain a lot more about me, and my history being a fan. Either way, I must reiterate how grateful I am to have you in my life, and that support you 100% and will always be here. The amount of hope, joy and comfort you've given me over the past 10+ years is insurmountable, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And I mean that in the most sincere way. Not a lot of things make me as happy as you make me (especially lately). This experience was the ‘boost’ I needed, I think. And like I said, the relationship I have with my friends/Swiftie Fam is invaluable, and I look forward to making memories with them at your shows in the future. You’ve brought the most random group of people together and created a bond that’s unique, unconditional and unbreakable, and I think that’s so cool.

This was A LOT longer than I originally intended it to be. This escalated quickly. Haha. Thanks for listening. 💗

Don’t read the last page…]

Love you, T

Crystal

@taylorswift

@taylornation

@ceunit

@maileswiftie

[photos]:  1) The whole crew: Cecil, Wanda, Kaeden, Maile and myself at our seats. 2) Kaeden the night before the show. SO EXCITED!! 3) Testing out the Caticorn onesie w/ Cecil 4) Cecil and myself FULLY DECKED and ready to go. 5) Wanda and Kaeden: Big Rep & Lil’ Rep! 6) the girls! Maile, Wanda and Me pre-show 7) Us at the end of the show! And yes, that’s me in the middle..in disbelief, exhausted, sweaty, and a physical and emotional wreck (see also: ‘drowned rat’ description above). 8) All of us after the show literally in a hotel lobby (and glitter on the floor after the party!), waiting for traffic to die down before we headed home.