#sometimes you have a condition that makes you blind to your body's signals and you completely miss 'hungry'

[absentlyabbie]

yeah they're meant to be separate feelings so if you've got a regular doctor you might want to discuss it with them to see if you can pursue what's causing it and possible solutions

"nauseated" and "hungry" are two feelings that should NOT be allowed to coincide

[cinnamonrusts]

bed time with the sparda twins --

all the cuddles, fluff, and bedtime rituals with dante and vergil 💤

-- f!reader (kofi + gif not mine)

DANTE-

The ticking clock in the living room read 10:30pm. Dante yawned loudly which was followed by several loud lip smacks. You fell asleep beside him on the couch, your head rested on the back of the headrest with mouth open wide. The half demon smiles as his tired eyes observe you lovingly, even as a dribble of drool rolls down the side of your chin. How did he get so lucky? What did he do to deserve someone like you? Your gentle and attractive features highlighted the warmth that your heart radiated. 

However, waking you up unleashed the wrath that your gentle soul disguised. Dante put a hand on your thigh and gave you a light shake. You stirred slightly before drifting back to your deep slumber. Your name whispered from his lips while he gave your body another shake. Soon your eyes opened and Dante’s face came into focus. “Hey, sunshine,” he cooed, “Let’s go to bed.”

A tired smile stretched across your lips as his words filled you with love. With a stretch and a loud yawn, you took the hand that Dante lent out and the two of you climbed the stairs to the upper level.

Your bedtime routine was always the same, besides a couple of variances. Dante was the first into the bathroom, he removed all clothing besides his boxers and socks. He pasted both of your toothbrushes and set yours down on the counter where it waited for you. As he peed, he brushed his teeth and hummed the tune to Walking on Sunshine. When you joined him, you picked up the toothbrush and started to brush as Dante continued to hum happily. The two of you observed each other’s reflections in the mirror; a mixture of funny faces and giggles were exchanged.

In Dante’s room was a king sized bed that was directly in the middle of four maroon walls. The small room had one window on the right wall that allowed the pink glow of the neon sign to peak in through the blinds, this gave the bedroom a sort of warmth to it. On either side of the bed were nightstands that were decorated with personal items. Yours had a variety of skincare items, a clock, a teddy bear, and a photo of Dante, Nico, Nero, and yourself (Vergil was nice enough to take the picture). Dante’s was filled with several half empty water bottles, a scattered mess of papers, a photo of the two of you at a fair, and Ebony/Ivory. He kept them on top of his dresser to keep them accessible at all times, if anything were to happen -- keeping you safe was his priority and he felt better with them in close range. 

Other things in the room included a closet which contained your clothing and a large dresser which held Dante’s. His dresser was on the wall that faced the foot of the king sized bed, on top was a medium sized CRT television that occasionally caught signal from the busted antenna on the top of the building. 

As you finished getting ready for bed, Dante rushed into the bedroom to get the bed prepped. He pulled back the plump, black comforters, as well as taking your pillows and giving them a fluff. You stopped in the doorway of the room and leaned against the frame with a smile on your lips as you watched the Sparda man prep your bed. The floorboards squeaked as you shifted your weight which caught his attention - he stopped immediately then spun around with a smile. “Bed’s all ready,” he took a small step toward you, which you took one toward him. Dante then charged into your waist, his arms wrap tightly around your small frame. He lifts you up in the air with ease before resting your body over his right shoulder. Dante slides toward the bed and proceeds to drop you lightly onto the springy mattress.

The white haired male lowers himself down over you with hands on each side of your head. He’s quiet besides the same smile that he’s been wearing all night. “Hi,” you say quietly, “Hey,” he responds. Your skin can feel the warmth of his breath against it which causes goosebumps to rise. Soon his lips are pressed against yours. His kisses always start soft and sweet before growing hungrier with each touch. His white teeth are biting at your lower lip, his tongue is wrestles for dominance inside of your mouth. Dante’s palms that were supporting his weight are now roaming your body as he feels every curve while your fingers stroke his chin stubble. You can feel his boxers rise against your thigh but before anything can move any further, he stops.

Dante pulls away and cups your cheek with his rough palm. His thumb strokes your skin softly as his blue orbs take in your e/c eyes. He suggests that the two of you crawl under the covers and get comfortable. You agree and crawl to the side of the bed where you normally slept, Dante joining you on the other side while draping the blankets over your frames. His strong arm wraps around you and pulls you close to his bare chest. Your head rests on his warm skin and you can feel his heartbeat slow from the quickened pace that it was beating at. Dante turns on the television and flips through several channels of static before stopping on a late night re-run of a comedy movie. You can feel your eyes getting heavy with each blink.

Light snores vibrate in your throat as you fell asleep again on your partner. He can hear them over the sound of the movie and his eyes look down to the side at you. Your expression is peaceful, and the rise then fall of your body is slow and steady. Dante smiles again and thinks again about how lucky he is to be where he is right now. He was hoping for a blowjob, but this is okay too... That could always happen later.

When the two of you sleep, it is a battle for the bed. Despite being a king size, the two of you take up a considerable amount of space for the rather large mattress. Dante is a stomach sleeper and sleeps with his legs spread out wide. A part of his body always needs to be touching you, so that he knows that you’re always there beside him. He’s afraid of something happening to you while he’s asleep or when he wakes up in the morning, you’ll be gone. So, either his foot is touching your leg or his palm is on your breast. 

You often sleep on your back with legs and arms spread out. The back of your hand or palm usually rests on the back of Dante’s head (or his face). Your leg that isn’t touching Dante’s often dangles off the side and falls asleep, which then wakes you up with the annoying tingling feeling that doesn’t go away until you shake it. The devil hunter likes sleeping with the tv on and enjoys the feeling of waking up in the dark to see an infomercial about cleaning products playing. While you like sleeping in the dark, the hue of the neon signs outside give you a relaxed feeling that you cannot explain. 

Despite your differences in your sleeping conditions -- the two of you wait for the other to wake up in the mornings. Usually you’re the first to fall asleep and the first to wake up, but sometimes Dante beats you in the mornings. He doesn’t have difficulty falling asleep but does staying asleep, during the night his dreams often wake him and he has trouble shaking them off. So, if he wakes up early, he will wait for you. You wait for him as well. Whoever is first -- either of you will face the other and enjoy the peacefulness of quiet morning and the way that the sun shines into the room. Dante feels excited every time you wake up and your blinks are slow but the way that the sun shines off of your e/c irises fill him with a warmth that he doesn’t fully wrap his head around. 

Dante doesn’t wake up as peaceful as you do. It’s often with eyelids opening quickly and glazed over eyes from either not enough or too much sleep. His morning breath is atrocious but comforting at the same time. It is a stench that you’ve grown to love - some may think it’s odd but love is an odd thing.

As he stretches, he rolls onto his side and pulls you close to him again as you managed to wiggle free during the night. His hand is on the small of your back as you prop yourself up on your elbows with your hands under your chin. Dante grins,

“Good morning, snore-ass,” he says with a yawn, “Good morning, shit breath,” you reply with a smile.

VERGIL-

It is late at night and you’re already in bed but are not accompanied by Vergil. You stir under the sheet that laid across your body, your legs search for the strong calves of your mate. But the bed is absent of the half demon man. You push yourself up from the bed and squint as you scan the dark room. The walls are a light shade of grey and two windows sit directly in front of you, the moonlight peaks from between two curtains and highlights an empty chair where Vergil normally sat with his book.

“He must be downstairs,” you speak as you drape a robe over your nude frame. The hallway is empty and dark when you exit your shared bedroom. Down the hall is the room of his brother, Dante, and sounds of his television blare from behind his closed door. He wouldn’t be in there, it’s too late in the night.  You peer over the side of the balcony to the floor below and see Vergil sitting at his brother’s desk with book in hand.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to wake up without the elder Sparda brother accompanying you. Things kept him awake at night and he was usually reluctant to reveal what they were, despite being in a relationship together for several years. He informed you about his mother, Eva, and that fateful day that separated his fate from the one of Dante’s - but that was about it.

Vergil hears your creaking as you walk down the steps and acknowledges your presence, “You should be sleeping,” he says with his book raised to eye level. “Waking up alone gets old, Vergil.” you slowly approach him and notice that he’s shirtless still from your love making that occurred earlier in the night. The moonlight shines in from a window and accents his muscular body in all the correct ways.

 He is silent for a moment before he apologizes. You accept it and lightly wrap your arms around his neck from behind and your fingertips lightly run across his strong pectorals. “Did you have another dream?” you whisper next to his ear. He had been having issues with dreaming about his corruption and the loss of his mother, which leads up to losing you. Your hand raises to his ear and tickles his skin, but Vergil takes your digits in his palm and squeezes. “Let’s return to our bedroom,” he pushes back from the desk and stands.

The Sparda man feels guilty for leaving you again, especially after having sex because your cuddling was cut short when he got up and left. Vergil suddenly scoops you up from your feet, his strong arms pull your close to his body and he walks up the stairs. You look up to his face with a warmth lingering in your cheeks, you can see his handsome features even in the dark. His eyes are focused on what was in front of him and when he reached the landing, they fell onto you. He smiles slightly as he pushes the bedroom door open with his foot.

The room isn’t large but is perfect for the two of you to live comfortably in. On the wall to the right was a large dresser that held both of your clothing. Decorating the top of it was a photo of the two of you, Dante and Vergil, then a painting of you two hung on the wall about the furniture. In a vase was a wilted rose that Vergil had given to you on your first official date, it was frail and broken but most petal remained, it was sentimental nonetheless. The largest piece of furniture was an ornate bookshelf that held a collection of works that Vergil admired. You actually found it in an antique store and used the remaining money you had for the month to purchase it for him. When he received your gift, you could’ve sworn you saw tears well in his eyes but he quickly embraced you tightly and thanked you with a passionate kiss. There was no television in your room but there was a small radio that you listened to often when you would clean up while Vergil read his poems in the chair by the window. He enjoyed listening to you sing and hum to the music while he read, his eyes would occasionally raise from the literature to watch you.

You think that he is going to lay you on the bed but he takes you into the bathroom that is connected to the bedroom instead. Your normal bedtime routine involved you sitting on the toilet brushing your teeth while Vergil stood in front of the sink doing the same. He was very vigilant about his oral health, so he took twice as long as you to brush. You always gotta bump him out of the way with your hip, so that you could spit out the foam that was filling your cheeks to the brim. Vergil always set out two things of floss and two bottles of mouth wash. “His and hers!” you called it. Skincare masks were your favorite weekly routine because it meant that you could paint his face with black mud. He would scoff but let you have your fun, however, he was unhappy when you captured a photographic memory of it.

Vergil seats you down on the closed toilet lid and turns to dig in the lower cabinet. “What’re you doing?” you ask but he doesn’t answer. When he turns around, there is a bottle of body lotion in his hand. He pumps several globs of white cream into his palm before resting on his knees, he waddles toward you and takes the lower half of your leg in his empty hand. His rough palm with the lotion begins to spread the lotion on your soft skin. The other hand joins as they travel up and down your appendage, he begins giving you a massage. Vergil raises your calf to his face and presses his lips against it, giving you several loving kisses. He then presses his nose to your muscle and breathes you in. Kissing, feeling, and smelling your body creates an overwhelming sensation of love and gratitude to fill his body, he wants to show you how much he appreciates everything you have done for him.

You hum in pleasure as he massages but when he stops and kisses your leg, you lean over to run your fingers through his white hair. His blue orbs flicker up and meet yours, the silence remains as no words are needed to explain the intimacy between you both.

After he is done, he picks you up again and takes you to the bed.

When it is time to sleep, Your bed is a queen size which is just enough room for two people, which worked out well because Vergil holds you tight to his side. He is a side sleeper and mostly rests on his right half. You lay nestled into the bend of his body with your back side facing his front. Vergil’s left arm holds onto your waist and his ankles are linked onto yours. Vergil enjoys resting this way because when he feels horny, you can feel his member in his pants and he has easy access to your heat. Resting over your bodies was a light silver sheet which sometimes had a white quilt accompanying it, but Vergil enjoyed feeling cool at night. (being snuggled up to a half demon turned out to be warmer than you thought) and you were one to enjoy being snuggled up in a fluffy blanket. The two of you compromise and often rotate the coverings for your shared bed.

Being held tight to Vergil’s body is comforting which upsets you when he leaves you during the night. Once he left and did not return for several days which meant you laid alone at night wondering where he had gone off to. But he did return, then held you tight again to his body. He whispered promises that no matter what -- he would be there to hold you. 

Just as Vergil wakes up during the night, he is the first to wake in the morning as well. It is his favorite time because he can watch you sleep in your most innocent nature. Normally your back faces him but in the morning he releases your body and you almost immediately roll onto your back. Vergil can see your eyes flicker side to side under your closed lids and ponders about what you dream about.

The whole building is quiet because it is way too early for Dante to be awake. So, Vergil takes advantage of it to also reflect on things while he watches you sleep. These things involve his goals which both include personal ones and those that involve you. He reflects on his past, present, and even future. Vergil thinks about what could become of your relationship and it fills him with joy and anxiety.

He never wakes you but simply remains patient for you to wake on your own (unless there are morning plans) When you do, he releases his crossed brows and a small smile forms on his lips. His hand raises and holds yours, “Good morning, darling,” he says, “Good morning, sweetheart,” you reply. Your stomach growls in between of your sweet words which prompt an unison chuckle, “Let me bring you breakfast,” he offers and pushes himself up.

[hotwings0203]

Gilded Cage

A/N: It’s embarrassing how long this took but oh well, happy new year to everyone and I hope you enjoy scummy yandere hawks!

Warnings: dubcon, kidnapping, abuse, toxic relationships, degradation, yandere themes

************

At first she welcomed the bright flashing lights like a breath of fresh air, but in due time it made her throat close up like the rest of the situation.

He had agreed to let her out if she behaved, and that meant no biting, scratching, screaming, flinching, temper tantrums, and worst of all, no silent treatment.

And she would take it like a champ if it meant seeing any other person in 6 months.

He had kept her here like a flightless bird in this cage of theirs, and oh how ironic it was that she was succumbed to be the prey of this ruthless hawk, with him able to soar amongst the people and buildings while Y/n stayed perched in the house, her ever-growing wings mentally becoming too much for her to control and stay silent about.

She needed space, she wanted to leave, but she didn’t dare voicing any of her wants, especially when Keigo made it so clear how her meager wants were of no match for his needs.

And his needs, as he’s made so clear thus far, include her being a pliant, quiet, yet loving little birdie who cooks, cleans, and lays with him day and night without complaint.

God forbid she speaks up about her...living conditions, as he liked to so generously supply to her the first and last time she ever had this conversation with him. She tried telling him how she originally had loved their relationship of a couple of months, and sure it might have been weird for him to push her into moving in with him only after 3 months, but it was because of how much he loved her or so he said at least, when he bashed her head repeatedly on the ground when she told him it “wasn’t normal to rush into things so fast”.

Sure, he had a big spacious penthouse lent to him by the Hero Commission so being physically cramped was never a problem, and yes okay he showered her with gifts and little trinkets, just like birds did with their mates even more so after a big fight that usually left her black and blue, with swollen lips, ripped up knees and big red welts on her wrists while the hero himself was left with not even a feather out of place.

But there were days where their movie nights and cuddling sessions didn’t cut it for her anymore. There were nights when she couldn’t take his suffocating arms around her a second longer, only to be replaced by an even heavier and darker presence when she tried turning on her side away from him.

Sometimes it would be a chain reaction caused by the smallest of catalysts, however. It would be on a day where he left the restraints on a little too tightly, and Y/n was forced to use toothpaste on her wrists instead of the salve Keigo always kept in the medicine closet. Other times it would happen when he would keep feeling up her sides and pressing into her after a long day of her cooking in hopes that the plentiful food would be enough to keep him occupied away from her, even if it was for an hour or two.

It never was, though. He always wanted her, whether it was her scent, her presence, or her clothes that he kept in his pockets on his missions.

On those days, the days where she felt too much Keigo, too many feathers and too much Hawks was when she snapped.

Down would go the plates, the expensive wine glasses, the vases filled with flowers sent by hundreds of fangirls who knew nothing about the monster that he actually was. She’d tear out her mussed hair, red-faced with tears that ruined her makeup the makeup that she liked to wear on these types of days just to piss him off, knowing that he thought “excess makeup is for whores and catfishes. I already know you’re a whore, well, my whore, but you’re not even good enough at applying makeup to be deemed a catfish so don’t even try it hummingbird” while screaming in his face to let go, for the love of god Hawks PLEASE let me go I want to go home I don’t want this anymore I don’t want YOU anymore this isn’t working out I don’t love you-

And crack would be the sound of his palm across her face, knocking her to the floor. On these types of days he wouldn’t even think she deserved a change in facial expression, staring down at her pathetic trembling body while his lips were set in a subtle casual smile, his hands stuffed in his pockets as if he never raised an arm a second ago, and his eyes remained golden and neutral, the only indication of him processing her tantrum was the black glint in his pupils that dilated every time she gasped and sobbed on the floor.

To ensure that his precious, oh-so fragile lovebird wouldn’t hurt herself any further with her stupidity, he’d crouch down inches away from her face and cock his head slightly as a real bird would do. He’d reach out and lift her chin to face him while his other hand would snake up her thigh to try and console her which only succeeded in making her shake and breath unevenly.

Leaning forward to ghost his lips over the shell of her ear, he’d relish in the way her mouth would part in terror as he would lovingly whisper every threat of what he’d do to her the next time she wanted to be like a brat, because god help her if she thought he couldn’t tame a brat after dealing with a lifetime of villains.

It was almost laughable, how easy she was to silence. He didn’t even need to use feathers to pull her to her feet when he would tell her to go to the bed and get on all fours like the bitch she was.

She had to earn her way back into being his good, obedient little dove, on days like these.

But after these days would pass and she would indeed realign with his expectations, he would reward her greatly.

Never like this, though.

Y/n is brought to the present again as another flash of light from the paparazzi snaps her out of her daze. As the spots begin to fade from her vision, she sees Keigo in front of her adorning his trademark “for the fans-only” grin, although Y/n would call it a sleazy smile, the same smile he would give her before he signaled his feathers to cut deep into her feet so she’d stop kicking at him as he dragged her on the floor and feels him squeeze her hand a little too tightly to be dubbed as endearing.

“Stop zoning out on me, you look like a ditz”, he hisses through his teeth, his grin now resembling more of a bared-teeth look.

She tries to try to fix her face and pull the corners of her mouth up, attempting to also brighten her eyes and looking interested at the blond interviewer who was now conversing with Hawks about his recent team-up with Endeavor. It takes every ounce of self-restraint to not shove past the phony smiles and flashy attire enveloping her and waltz down the red carpet to the doors of the gala. She thinks if she hears him utter another word about how he’s so incredibly blessed to have the love and support of my fans, family, and most importantly, my girlfriend who has stuck by my side through thick and thin, she’ll puke on the bedazzled yellow dress the interviewer has on.

As if. He’d probably whisk her off to the nearest bathroom and pummel her on the floor right then and there just for being distracted, but not before fucking her as well.

She feels Hawks nudge her side, and on cue she darts her head up and really plasters on a blinding smile as she focuses on the question that was just asked to her.

“Sorry, what was that? I think I got distracted by your outfit, you look lovely tonight, an absolute catch.” She winks for good measure, just to salvage the damage of ignoring the conversation and Keigo’s tight-lipped smile, which was beginning to soften.

Bingo.

“Oh you’re so sweet! I can see why Mr. Number Two here swooped in to take such a cutie like yourself.” The interviewer giggled, twirling a golden lock around her finger. “But no worries, I was just saying you should come make a public appearance more often! I mean, the media barely gets to see you with Hawks intimately, it would be a great excuse to get all glammed-up as well...I mean, if Hawks here hasn’t got his talons sunk too deep into you.” She laughs shrilly and doesn’t notice how both Y/n and Keigo tense up at her insinuation.

Yeah lady, you’re not too far from the truth. The last time I tried to look nice and go outside, I was bedridden for a week and a half while nursing frozen peas over 7 different parts of my body, inside and out.

But if Keigo can bullshit more than he can tell the truth, then so could she.

She laughs warmly and places her hand on his shoulder lightly, just to sell the “supportive girlfriend” look.

“Well, I really would love to come out and show my support for him more often, but we’ve both agreed that with all the publicity anyways, it’s just too much pressure for me to deal with. I’d rather just stick with what I know and keep it hush between him and I.” She turns her gaze to Keigo now, superficially giving him a puppy-in-love look but discreetly seeking his approval if what she said was the correct thing or not.

He merely gave her an amused smile, as if to say damn, wasn’t expecting that answer but I guess it’s fine. Yeah. Two can play at that game.

Pleased with her answer, the blond bimbo turns on her heel and sashays away, leaving the couple by themselves.

Keigo gives Y/n a side eye and cautiously holds out his elbow for her to take. A peace offering for the meantime, just to reward her for the quick save.

Don’t fuck this up for me, or you’ll regret it tenfold when we get back home.

“Shall we?” He waits for her to oblige, and of course she does.

Arm-in arm, they gracefully walk down the red carpet towards the gold plated doors. Upon entering, Y/n’s breath is taken away at the grand hall, with red banners hanging from the balconies that had navy blue and gold words of praise for the heroes engraved in the silk. Hundreds of pro heroes filled the room, much more than what she was used to from only interacting with her captor for months.

Guiding her over to the long granite bar, Keigo squeezes her arm before lightly dropping it. Before she can move, he stands directly in front of her and his vermillion wings unfurl and slightly surround the two of them, creating their own little space. To others, it might’ve just looked like two lovers embracing each other and having their own little moment. Y/N knew better, however, and suspected he had ulterior motives.

She was right.

“I’m gonna leave you here for a few minutes, ‘kay? I don’t want you moving from here,” he murmured, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, and she had to suppress a shudder at his unwanted proximity. “The feather stays on, and I better not see or hear anything funny while I’m away.”

She nodded and touched her necklace that was indeed laced with one of his feathers, remembering the deal he made when he agreed to let you out for the day.

Ah yes, the dreaded feather.

When she had approached him on shaking legs two days prior, Hawks was brushing his hair in the bathroom, keen on meticulously keeping it styled and ruffed up in the morning. It was one of the things that Y/N would begrudgingly say was one of his finest features, along with his natural eyeliner-shaped markings and rugged yet handsome facial features.

On good days, she liked to lightly trace her fingers and across his sharp jawline and feel the stubble growing on his blushed face. She’d try to stop immediately however, when he’d open his eyes and catch her hand, moving it across his body much to her chagrin and down to his-

She had stood outside the door, fumbling with the hem of her thin nightie and desperately trying to pull the short material past her bare thighs as she mustered up the courage to bring up her proposition.

Keigo slowly ceased his brushing when he saw the meek little thing quivering outside his door, and he quirked up an amused eyebrow. He braced both arms on either side of the sink, and let out a light exhale, before addressing her.

“Something wrong hummingbird?”

She dragged her eyes from the floor up to his dilated golden irises, and blurted out what she had been rehearsing in her head for the past couple of days:

“DoyouthinkIcouldcomewithyoutothegala?”

“Huh?” he snickered, thoroughly bewildered by what incomprehensible nonsense she had stuttered out.

Y/N bit her lip and took in a shaky breath, strike one, she fumbled her first try.

“Haw- uh, Keigo,” she corrected quickly. He preferred her using his first name, his real name. He claimed it made things more intimate between them as if carving his name on her back hadn't been enough to seal their “intimacy’-she didn’t need to be told twice what to call him by after that day “I was wondering...if I’m good and I don’t give you a hard time, can I come with you to the hero's gala?”

Keigo’s brow furrowed slightly, and he cocked his head to the side like a real bird. He seemed to be contemplating it.

“Alright,” he conceded after a couple seconds. “If, and I mean if you listen to me and don’t try any funny business while we’re there I’ll let you tag along.”

Y/N darted her eyes up to him, hope swimming in her heart.

“But you have to wear the feather.”

She immediately blanched.

A major inconvenience that she had come to terms with in the duration of her stay with him had been his stupid fucking feathers that layed oh-so-casually around the floor where she walked and coincidentally clinging to her clothes wherever she went out of Keigo’s eyesight, even though she was trapped on the same floor with him.

They had special properties; they could detect any movement, sense any vibration whenever he called for it. This made for a perfect tracker for Y/N in terms of whenever he wanted an update on her heartbeat, her mood, her whereabouts, and anything in between.

Yes, it was suffocating. But she would much rather it only be a suffocating feeling rather than him actually directing hundreds of feathers to surround her and hold her down on the bed or floor to do whatever he wanted with her in any position he pleased.

She didn’t dare complain to his face, however. She’d grit her teeth, grin and bear it, listen to every whim he demanded of her if it meant one night of superficial normalcy.

And so she put on her best behavior on the days leading up to the main event. She made dozens of dishes that circulated around chicken (his favorite binge food), she let them have “cuddle time”, with no complaints whatsoever when he insisted on bathing her and dressing her up in stupid pink frilly skirts, and she even gave him little subtle looks with a batting of her eyelashes when he looked down fondly at her good mannerisms and praised her for being such a sweet little birdie.

Eventually, her acting paid off and on the morning of the gala she was merited with a silk red dress that stopped at her upper thigh, ornamented with gold earrings and a 12K necklace to really sell off the look-which was of course wrapped around one of his feathers. Hawks had even hired a makeup artist who was instructed to not ask or say anything to Y/N save for questions about the products, much to her pleasant surprise.

She was still reminded of how much she had to grovel for him every time he rewarded her that afternoon.

“You look stunning, chickadee,” Keigo leaned against the dresser with his arms crossed, and smiled warmly at Y/N. “You’re making her look like a real model, maybe she should take over my job instead. Or, actually, maybe you could stop by my agency and make me all pretty for my next photoshoot.” He directed this last tease at the makeup artist and winked, causing the oblivious employee to giggle and blush.

Ugh, barf. He’s even a sleaze when I’m right here.

Y/N feigned a roll of her eyes, which didn’t go unnoticed by the hero. She could feel his dilated eyes boring into her the rest of the 15 minutes of touch-ups. Eventually everything was done, and Hawks left praise after shameless praise fall from his lips and onto the poor fangirl’s heart as he guided her out the door, a hand on her lower back as he did so.

She took the opportunity to get up and walk to the full-length mirror, admiring how she looked for the first time in ages. Gone were the multi-colored marks that decorated her body as if she were nothing more than a mere canvas for her painter to use. Her eyes seemed a little brighter too, and it wasn’t just the makeup that caused it. She stood a little straighter and squared her shoulders, her chin tilted up more than before while she stared at her reflection. She didn’t recognize the woman in the mirror, and she liked it for once.

It was ridiculous, she knew it was to feel so vain but she couldn’t help but bask in her potential freedom for just one night. She looked gorgeous, she felt confident, and she had earned it all on her own.

Cocking her head to the side, she tried to practice a couple smiles to be camera-ready for when the time came. She turned the corners of her lips up, then showed her teeth, and even tried fluffing her hair up sensually. Biting her lip slightly, she threw her head back, causing her curled locks to bounce and lowered her eyelids to look sexy. She giggled at her own stupidity and poses, completely unaware that a certain winged-man had entered the room and leaned against the door for the past couple of minutes, simply watching the little show she put on.

“That's quite a look you’ve got there hun, why don’t you make those faces more often with me?”

She immediately froze, her breath hitching. She didn’t dare look at him in the eye from the mirror.

“I mean, I’m the only one who should be seeing such a slutty expression anyways, right?” He said ever-so casually, hands in his pockets as he slowly strolled up behind her, and she couldn’t help but think as her eyes darted up to meet him in the mirror that the sadistic shit-eating grin on his face didn’t suit so well with his god-like features.

She visibly wilted, her shoulders hunched and head down in contrast to the tall, powerful woman she had felt like mere seconds ago. Her breath quickened as he leaned over her shoulder, grazing his teeth over the sensitive part under her ear, and she bit her lip harshly to stop the squeak that threatened to escape her trembling lips.

“If I had known that a pretty dress and some makeup would make you act like a wanton little whore, I would’ve done this wayyy sooner. I guess you really are just another dumb bimbo bitch who does anything she’s told if she gets to feel important for a night.” He whispered in her ear, resting his head on her shoulder and looking up at her with innocent eyes, ones that imitated the mocking tone of voice he used.

It seemed like he wanted her to feel disgusting, to wilt under his cruel words that he used like knives-knives that were sharpened with his tone and body language, knives that were so intimately and carefully chosen. They worded so that they were used to their full extent to cut and carve through her heart.

“Is that what you are my little songbird, hmm? You wanna be a pretty baby and have everyone’s attention on you? I’m hurt, here I was thinking I was enough for you.” He pouted, and with every word he spoke the grip his hands had around her waist tightened.

She tried to protest but he plowed through her pitiful attempts.

“Hell, if you want some attention so bad and whore yourself out, I should call over some friends! Yeah, we can skip tonight’s gala, would you like that songbird? For me to share you with my friends so they can satiate your whorish needs?” And at his he shook her lightly, his grip around her middle choking her and cutting off her circulation. “N-no, Hawks,” she wheezed out. “I just... liked my makeup, that’s it. I only want you, I promise. I won’t cause any trouble tonight, please don’t call any friends over.”

She looked up at him in the mirror with eyes the size of saucers, blinking away tears and trying her best to show how apologetic she was at her audacity to feel good about herself.

He loosened his arms and straightened up, peering down at her disgustedly. He had absolutely no regrets about the way she sucked in air immediately when he relented, or about the way she frantically brushed the tears from her eyes, trying to preserve her mascara from running. (not that he would’ve minded). She needed to learn her lesson; he controlled her highs and lows. Only he had the permission of holding her fragile emotions in the palm of his hand, and if she didn't want that palm turning into a fist and breaking her, she would do well not to piss him off and treading carefully about flaunting what was meant for his eyes only.

She wanted to lock herself in the bathroom and cry out to her heart's content from being embarrassed and degraded like this. She kept absolutely still however, when she felt his hands lightly tracing the feather on her collarbones. It was an unspoken threat, and when their eyes met once again in the mirror, the way he sized her up confirmed it.

The feather stayed on.

Which brought her back to the present.

Y/N had already downed 3 glasses of champagne while reminiscing about earlier today, something Hawks would’ve surely tutted at. Finding herself bored, she meandered around the bar, keeping close to where he left her.

She scanned the room for her ‘lover’ and found him laughing with a group of his friends, his head thrown back and the charming sound of his deep yet lilted voice carrying through the hall, entrapping anyone who was around.

He certainly had presence, no sense in denying it.

Any girl would’ve been crazy to deny him, and Y/N wished that Hawks had fallen for a girl that didn’t want to deny him out of his hundreds of fangirls a point that was set in stone in Y/N’s mind when she saw a tall brunette clinging to his arm while she shrieked with laughter at whatever stupid story Hawks was telling.

Said fangirl seemed to also have been put under his contagious spell, from the way she so obviously threw herself on his arm and pushed her chest against his side under the pretense of shaking with laughter. Various other parts of her body seemed to be shaking against him too, but he didn’t seem to mind based on the smirk he quickly looked down at her with.

For the second time that night, Y/N wanted to throw up.

Was it jealousy? Negative. Rather, it was frustration that he literally had girls throwing themselves at him, tits hanging out and all but yet he wanted what he knew he couldn’t have. She assumed that it was this mentality of his that landed him at being Number 2, chasing after the seemingly impossible until it was tangible.

It was easier on some days to try to understand his point of view. It was much better than getting lost in the hours pondering what kind of bad karma she inherited from a past life to go through this hell. But on some mornings when she felt stone-cold sober, she remembered that she was a person, not some objective or conquest that he had rightfully won. Deciding to try and take her mind off from the trainwreck that was unfolding in front of her, Y/N aimlessly wandered to the side of the bar and down a grand hallway that was less crowded and had less Hawks.

On either side of the hall, giant bronze frames held the portraits of past heroes and had little scriptures of their accomplishments. Hawks had always talked about how he wanted his name up there, and how one day he was going to do something incredible to have his own face up on the hall of fame. His idol, Endeavor, already has taken place on the wall right next to All Might’s frame, and Y/N looks up and ponders at both of their pictures.

And how befitting is it, that Hawk’s idol is also accused of a sinister and tumultuous family past.

Maybe he doesn’t need to work too hard to follow in the footsteps of the number one hero.

“Quite the hero, Endeavor is. Even though there is controversy about the nature of his past and his redemption efforts, he set many precedents as to how a true hero should act.” Y/N’s head snaps to the right where Edgeshot had just joined her. He wore a navy blue tux with red seams, his trademark mask covering the lower half of his face.

“Yeah, you’d think his admirers would try to follow in the footsteps of changing themselves too,” she muttered bitterly. “I’ve noticed his biggest fans seem to take after his more...old brutish traits rather than the better person he’s trying to be now.”

The masked hero laughed softly, and Y/N looked at him suspiciously.

“What, you don’t think heroes have their own fair share of flaws?” She challenged.

“No no, don’t get me wrong of course. I would be on an inappropriate level of naivety to assume that, considering I’m a part of the whole corrupt system itself. I think, however, that change within a person comes after an extended time of self-reflection. You have to look within yourself and accept that you were wrong in the first place, if you want to change.”

Y/N was quiet for a moment.

“Do you think the villains are ever right? About society brushing the flipside of heroism under the carpet, I mean. It doesn’t matter if the heroes are trying to save people because it's expected of them, if they aren’t actually compassionate about their cause then is there really a point?” She asked desperately, hoping he could understand her.

Edgeshot hesitated for a moment before answering.

“In my years of experience,” he said quietly, still looking up at Endeavor’s painting, “the ones who have at heart a solid reason for acting the way they do are most always justified. It may not always be a good reason, but a foundation always gives way to a justification that can be argued for.”

All of a sudden, Y/N gasped as white hot pain sliced through her sternum. She looked down and saw the red feather on her necklace quivering as a fine line of red sprouted from the cut it made.

“Are you alright?” Edgeshot asked, looking fairly alarmed, his hand reaching for her shoulder.

“Yes, of course! My necklace is just a little sharp, a little edge just nicked me that's all.” She said shrilly, already backing away from the concerned hero. Turning on her heel, she picked up the hem of her dress and tottered out of the hall, not paying any mind to the vermillion plumage that drifted down her chest, past her waist and eventually clinging onto her leg, making little nips and stabs here and there.

Blood was pounding through her head as she navigated the way back to where Hawks had left her to be. Her palms were sweaty and she was sure her hair was becoming messy as she whipped her head around, attempting to look past tall heads and bodies that blocked her way to the bar.

Shitshitshitshit god please don’t let him be there already please please please-

But it seemed as though god wasn’t in a merciful mood, because lo and behold, the raptor was leaning against the long granite island with a glass in his hand.

He seemed to be casually grinning, swirling a maroon substance in his cup and choking it down leisurely, but as Y/N drew closer she knew-as expected- he seemed off.

The smell of alcohol was nauseating around him, he must have been drinking something strong. His wings, although lightly flapping behind him, were pointed at the edges and shaking lightly. His eyes were completely dilated, and were shifting around the room until they settled on her meek figure rushing up to him.

“Hey there birdy, long time no see. Did you have a good chat with Edgeshot? I’m sure you both enjoyed talking shit about me behind my back.” Y/N winced at how charismatic and booming his laugh was after his ominous remark. It was too carefree, a complete cover-up of how she knew he was actually feeling, and that scared her the most.

“Hawks I-”

“Keigo, sweetheart, did you forget my name already after talking with just one person? Damn, I’m hurt, guess keeping you locked up at home was the right decision after all if you’re acting like such a stone-cold bitch now.”

She stared up at him, openmouthed and thoroughly panicked now. He was talking too much, he was going to expose himself and her-

Wait. Why is she covering for him? Wouldn’t it be better if he blabbed everything else so people could realize what he’s doing? Maybe someone would intervene and save her!

But it seemed like he was three steps ahead of her and had already figured that out, because his face flushed slightly and his eyes darkened and narrowed, with lips set in a flat line. When Y/N saw this change, she tried to back away but he quickly grabbed her hand and yanked her out the room and through the exit doors. It was all happening so fast, she could hear various people call out to Hawks but he plowed through them so fast that she didn’t have time to even process that they were out of the building and in the air.

She screamed as he soared to an even higher altitude, clinging onto his neck for dear life. The wind whipped past her face, stinging her cheeks with the frigid cold and water particles that embedded on her lashes. Hawks was laughing hysterically the entire time he gained height, his talons ripping through her dress and piercing her skin, even overlapping the previous cuts his feather had made earlier.

“S-stop, what’re you doing, are you fucking crazy?” She shrieked, her words losing volume as the air was ripped out of her lungs.

“KEIGO, its KEIGO you stupid fucking cunt!” he screamed in her face. His arms loosened around her waist, and suddenly Y/N was falling, falling, falling straight for the asphalt.

She couldn’t even turn her head as her limp body plummeted down for imminent death. Her lungs begged for oxygen, fear settling like lead in her stomach, but the second she closed her eyes for what she thought was the last time, (Hawks) Keigo swooped down and yanked her back into his sinister embrace by her hair.

Ignoring the ripping strands she felt in her skull, she flailed around in midair trying to grab onto something-she reached up to grab his foot but he noticed and kicked her square in the face. Y/N had never before felt such terror and pain, mentally or physically.

Damn her pride, she wants to live for god's sake.

“Keigo,” she sobbed, remembering just in time to use his real name lest he smash her teeth in again, “please put me down, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I talked to Edgeshot but I swear it wasn’t anything bad or about you.” The warm blood streaming down her nose began to harden on her upper lip from the chilly altitude they had reached.

Abruptly, he shifted his grip and pulled her up by her hair (she winced at that painful adjustment) so that he could hold her around her waist now.

They had to have been at least 200 or so feet in the air. The pair had cleared their way through some clouds and could clearly see the full moon right in front of them. It was deathly quiet except for Y/N’s labored breathing through her fractured nose, and her fear racked even further as she looked up at Hawks and realized that he was simply staring down at her with completely dilated eyes that narrowed and gleamed at her expression. He truly looked like a bird of prey right now, a predator that was forcing her to play the part of his prey, a point that solidified when he suddenly wrapped one hand around her throat to feel her heartbeat that thumped like a rabbits’.

The light from the moon reflected off his back, causing his front to be completely shadowed so that the contours of his sharp face seemed ever more looming and dangerous. Both of them stayed suspended in the air for a minute or two like that, Y/N not daring to speak unless he granted her a sign to repent.

After a long, painstakingly suspenseful minute of studying her face, he finally growled “We’re going home.”

It seemed to take only a mere couple of minutes for the Number Two hero to travel halfway across the city. Y/N barely had time to try and drink in the beautiful colors that accented the winding streets and buildings below her, knowing that it would most probably be a long time before she saw anything else that resembled freedom again.

He finally began to descend rapidly, forcing her to cling onto his jacket and shove her face into the crook of his neck to avoid getting whiplash. Peeking through her lashes, she recognized the balcony floor of his penthouse rushing underneath their feet. Dread and anxiety surged through her veins as he finally landed and postiviley threw her off of him and onto the wooden floor. She slid a good couple of feet and skinned her legs in the process, unable to stop her momentum as she slammed back into a lamp.

Dazed, she saw stars as she rubbed her aching head. Unfortunately she didn’t see him, rushing over to her the second she landed.

He grabbed her jaw tight and wrenched her bleary eyes to look up at him.

What he saw was beautiful.

A trembling mess beneath him, makeup runny and complemented with blood that flowed from her nose like an eternal stream. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the way she kept flinching any time he shifted; it made his pants tighten and caused his teeth to grit in what he measured to be the absolute last bits of self restraint he had for the night. He had truly ruined her, and he internally patted himself on the back at his work.

Was he mad? Yes, wholly and completely at her betrayal of his orders.

Did he regret losing his temper? Absolutely not. In fact, if you ask him, he should get mad at her more often like this. If it merited her pliant and vulnerable being, then who was he to deny such pleasure? Fuck he should’ve done this from the start- blowing up at mild disobediance instead of acting like a doting, patient boyfriend.

“You alive?” he roughly shook her head and her teeth chattered inside her skull while he did so.

“Yes,” she whispered, mouth popped open by his gloved fingers as he shoved a digit inside her warm and wet cavern. It was embarrassing how drool seeped through her lips and dribbled down her chin, but humility was the least concerning factor in her environment at the moment.

“Good. After acting like such a tramp you better fucking be. I told you one thing,” and he slapped her for added emphasis to his frustration, “can you repeat what I told you? Or are you so braindead that you can’t remember the one order I gave you when I trusted you to sit still and look pretty like a good little bitch?”

“Nnngh, no I rem-I remember.” Y/N panted out, attempting to talk through puckered lips and drool. “You told me to stay at the bar and not to move.”

“Exactly. So what part of that was so hard to understand, huh?” He hissed through his teeth, looking deranged.

“I just got bored, that’s all. I wanted to talk to another person…” Even though she didn’t finish her sentence, Hawks understood her perfectly.

I wanted to talk to another person apart from you.

He let out a mocking laugh, stretching his arms over his head to hide his shaking fists. Rage swept through his body like wildfire, licking up his throat and cheeks. His face was flushed and unreadable to Y/N as he sauntered around the couch and plopped down on it, spreading his legs to seem as uncouth as possible.

She sat shivering on the floor, unsure of if he wanted her to follow him or wither away on the floor like a mutt.

As he sighed loudly however, her body immediately tensed as though bracing for another painful impact. She daringly peeked over her shoulder and saw the back of his head protruding from the black and red leather couch. Lazily flicking his wrist up to a height where she could see, he vaguely beckoned her over without saying a word.

Immediately she scampered over to him and situated herself at his feet (where she belonged). Her eyes were downcast, and he begrudgingly accepted it as a form of submission on her part. No sense in beating the disobedience out of her now if she already knows what she did wrong.

Hawks heaved out another heavy sigh and let his head fall backwards. On one hand, he was slightly drunk and his head was killing him-he just wanted to go to sleep and forget today ever happened. However, there was a problem that was contributing to his growing migraine, and that problem was sitting right in front of him, practically kneeling at his feet for mercy. More than sleep, he wanted to take care of said issue and call it a night, so he decided to skip the sweet talk and warm up.

“Here’s what’s gonna happen, kid. I’m gonna close my eyes and by the time I open them you better have already thought of a way to make tonight up to me, and you better have already put that plan in action. Then, we’re going to bed and when you wake up you’ll regret the day you even thought of talking to anyone apart from me, since you seem to have forgotten who’s been coddling your ass all this time.” He sneered, relishing at the way Y/N’s face went pale.

True to his word, he closed his eyes, glad to see his last view as the pathetic bitch who was about to service him. The feel of slight fumbling on his zipper made him feel even more drunk and giddy as it was pulled down. Maybe the entire evening wasn’t a complete wash after all.

Yeah, he should take her out a lot more.

[stressedoutcanary]

Hold On - Jason Todd x Batgirl!Reader

Summary:

"Hey! I see a vent inside, maybe if we get to the roof-"

BAMMMM

"Of course, just shoot open the lock and alert whoever's inside. What a great strategy! Why didn't I think of it?! Oh I know, because it's dumb!"

Warnings: Language, Canon typical Violence, Occasional Angst lets be real it's Jason we are talking about, Kidnappings..?

Word count: 1.6k

A/N:- I...should be studying right now buttt I had fun writing this and yes, I took the title from the song Hold On by Chord Overstreet, I think it fits this perfectly.

I wasn't going for a series but here we are.

Part 2, Part 3

•°•°•°•°

It was a quite night for Gotham. Every person was busy with their own work and so were you, even if it was a little different from what people down below on the streets were doing. As of yet, you had stopped two muggings, busted a few armed two-face goons trying to rob a bank and were currently running across rooftops.

'Maybeee I can get off easy today, go home, microwave the pizza that has been waiting for me in the fridge, get a nice, warm shower and then straight to bed'

You hummed to yourself at the delightful thought as you sat on a gargoyle overlooking the city. You were enjoying the feeling of the light breeze on your face. It was soothing in a way. Not long after, you were startled by your comms crackling to life out of nowhere as you heard Oracle's automated voice in your ears.

"Batgirl I am going to need you to check out the area near Gotham Central Park for any visible strange activity. There are several missing persons reports filed this week that I have tied up to that particular region."

'So much for a warm bath and a good night's sleep, way to jinx yourself (Y/N), you dumbass'

"Isn't that park under construction or something? You know after the whole Justice League fiasco last month?", you questioned.

"Yep but people still go there, in the mornings for walks and at the nights for certain activities."

"Of course they do, I swear, people here are on a whole different level." You sighed. "Alrighty then Babs, I am on it."

•°•°

After climbing up a couple of fire escapes and swinging off of numerous rooftops you finally reached your target destination. There was a deafening silence when your feet landed on the damp grass. You took in the misted surroundings and decided to look around for something out of the ordinary. There was a broken bright neon sign by the corner of the street which caught your attention, you could only make out the last bit, it spelled Parlor.

'That seems awfully familiar. Something about it is odd but I can't quite place my finger on it'

You were lost in thought when you felt someone move behind you, there was rather little time for you to react so you choose the 'hit first ask questions later' option. You clenched your fist, twisted your upper body and delivered a quick, staggering blow to the shady figure lurking behind.

.

"OWW!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

.

"HOOD?!"

Sure enough, Jason was on the ground clutching his ribs looking like a hurt puppy.

You moved your hands up and massaged you temples. You do not want to deal with him. Not today and if possible not ever. Even though you never let it show, you always avoided a run in with him. He may have become a part of the family again but you were far off from forgiving him.

You watched with narrowed eyes as he got to his feet and and dusted off the grass from his jacket.

"So on a Scale of one to Demon brat, how much do you hate me?", the smirk on his face and the way he wiggled his eyebrows at you almost made you want to smack him with a crowbar yourself.

"What? Dami?! I don't-- I don't hate Damian, he just gets on my nerves sometimes, something you do all the time.", you enjoyed, maybe a little too much, the way Jason's smirk turned into a small pout. You smiled a bit as you shook your head at his childishness.

"Before you start chucking batarangs at me I want to make this clear; No, Oracle did not send me here to be your backup or whatever, I just happen to be investigating the same thing which obviously led me here to you. So how about we work on this together and watch each other's back", Despite the uncertainty of your rejection, he sounded hopeful. It seemed as if he was ready to build the old, worn out bridges of your relationship back up again. It sent an unexpected warmth through your chest.

"Just like old times?"

"Just like old times.", Jason repeated as you both did a rather unsuccessful fist bump and grinned like idiots.

•°•°

You walked up to the seemingly abandoned building, Jason examined the door for traps whereas you decided on taking a look through the glass window.

"Hey! I see a vent inside, maybe if we get to the roof-"

BAMMMM

"Of course, just shoot open the lock and alert whoever's inside. What a great strategy! Why didn't I think of it?! Oh I know, because it's dumb!", you whisper shouted with a scowl. Jason just shrugged and tilted his head to the side, pointing towards the now open door.

"Ladies first, so lead the way, unless you're scared.", it was a playful challenge on Jason's part, one that you were more than ready to accept.

"Oh you're on Red."

You stepped inside and it was all business from there on. You took in the condition of the room; dusty desks, broken glass, oddly placed mannequins and footprints leading up ahead into a long hallway.

"They seem recent enough", Jason gave a slight nod at your discovery.

Considering the darkness of the hallway, you and Jason shared a look and switched on your night vision lenses. You both started taking cautious steps, the occasional soft thud of your boots being the only sound in the vicinity.

The end of the hallway was forked up and there were two rooms at the end of each passageway.

"How is this place so big! it didn't seem this huge from the outside", you could hear the exasperation in Jason's voice. You figured not getting to hit someone might be getting to him or that he was just bored.

"Look I will take the right, you take the left, our comms are already connected, if any one of us finds anything we tell the other and remember we do not engage in a fight alone. Am I clear or do you want me to write that down for you"

"Yes ma'am, but just so you know you are starting to sound like The old man", you rolled your eyes at his comment and went on ahead towards the right as he went the other way.

•°•°

You scrolled through the torn down bookshelf kept in one of the rooms and you were making a mental note in your mind that there were a lot of medical journals in the bunch, when your comms buzzed.

"I am sorry", Jason whispered in a soft voice and you froze for a spilt second, eyes widening.

'No (Y/N) don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he is saying, just focus on finding those missing people and get this over with'

With that thought you tried continuing your investigation as if you had heard nothing.

"I said, I am sorry (Y/N). I know you heard me. I also know you've been avoiding me, cutting me out and you don't have to reply if don't feel like it but...I just wanted you to know..."

"Now is not the right time for this Hood and...for what it's worth I am not looking forward to a forgiveness session with you...", you felt awful for cutting him out the way you did, your heart clenched at the harshness of your words as you clicked off your comms, but you refused to have this discussion right now. If you were being more honest to yourself you just couldn't bear the emotions it would bring, so you chose the easiest way; completely shutting him out.

It was few minutes after the highly uncomfortable talk with Jason that a wall poster had caught your eye. You moved your hand over it, somewhat wiping off the dust, there was something scribbled on it making it harder for you to read the actual text. You squinted, trying to make out the words

"The people need...perfection...and that is what Pretty Dolls Parlor strives to achieve."

You scanned the area near poster for fingerprints and clicked your comms back on.

"Hood, get over here, I found something and I think this is the make or break kind of information", you were waiting for scan to complete, concern creeping up your mind when there was no reply from the other end.

"Red Hood? can you hear me?"

Nothing.

"Red?! Answer me Damnit!!"

A whole lot of Nothing.

As soon as you heard the chime of the scanner signaling its completion, you sped the other way towards the left corridor, towards Jason.

'Jay please be okay, please be okay, please be okay.'

By the time you reached Jason's location you were panting from the lack of breath and were already cursing yourself for bringing Jason along. To say that the man can take care of himself might be an understatement, he is basically a lone wolf, but still the thought of something happening to him while he was with you hurt like hell.

You looked around frantically and almost jumped out of your skin when you stepped on a gun. You heart almost stopped, it was Jason's. To make matters worse, there was no other sign of him or of were he went. You picked up the gun holding it securely in your hand. You could literally hear your heart pounding in your ears.

Suddenly, through the reflection from the glass window in front of you, you caught a glimpse of a man wearing a blank white face mask, you turned around, immediately switching to a fighting stance but that only did so much for you. A flashlight was switched on and shoved near your face, the night vision of your lens intensified the light, blinding you completely.

Before you could react, a metal pole connected straight with the back of your head and just like that you were lights out on the ground.

°•°•°•°•

Author's cute little extra Note:

*wiggling my eyebrows rn*

I might be a little too obsessed with the Arkham Knight game hehe.

Well that ended well for you, didn't it?? Jason's gone missing and you get a nice concussion to garnish your anxiety level? No? Okay I will stop talking now.

Tell me if you want to be tagged for the next parts.💕

[ichorizaki]

monsters — i.h.

꒰ ❛ genre ❜ ꒱ — fluff ; college!au

꒰ ❛ pairing ❜ ꒱ — senior!iwaizumi hajime x senior!gn!reader

꒰ ❛ warnings ❜ ꒱ — teeth-rotting fluff, curse words

꒰ ❛ word count ❜ ꒱ — 2.6k

˚ ༘ˀˀ  ꒰‧⁺ a text from sol — ✎ˀ i got inspired upon reading a text post reposted onto pinterest, so enjoy some domestic iwa-chan! i’m considering opening up a taglist too but i’m not too confident.... huhu

-`,✎ synopsis!  ; ♡ throughout his entire life, iwaizumi hajime has been fighting all sorts of monsters. he’s just thankful that you were there by his side the whole time with your unwavering support and uplifting words of kindness. this time however, you defeated the biggest monster that he’s faced yet with just one word.

Iwaizumi Hajime could remember one of the first few times he felt fear. It was one of the hottest days of summer with the sun high and mighty in the sky, sometime about two decades ago when he was still young and the world seemed so huge compared to him. He and Oikawa were playing in his yard, a volleyball that fit snugly into a child’s hands being thrown back and forth. He remembered Oikawa being terrible enough to serve the ball too far and it went into the small nest of trees just beyond the brick fence barricading his house.

It was stark as day—the heavy, accelerated thump, thump, thumping of his unsteady heart, the tremor of his tiny hands, the quiver of his bottom lip, and the clear tears turning his vision into a terrifying blend of summer colours. He remembered how the fear slithered from his feet to his shoulders, taunting and whispering untrue threats and poisonous anxieties into his ears as he tried to help an equally distressed Oikawa stand. The first fear; the first monster that took form in his small body.

He had abrasions on his knees and elbows, dirt and emerald leaves stuck in his messy brown locks as tears streamed down his face. Oikawa had fallen down from the tree he climbed to inspect a long forgotten kite while trying to get the volleyball that he served into a tree.

“You’re lucky that you didn’t suffer too badly, Toorū,” his mother chided gently. She had always been patient and gentle with them, fixing any wounds be it physical or emotional. “Now, now, Hajime, Toorū will be okay.” The smile that blossomed on her face was like a healing flower, spreading warmth through his body like sunshine as she kissed them both on their temples slick with summer sweat.

For a while, it was just him and Oikawa, fighting their onslaught of tiny gremlins of fears as they grew. The gremlins grew with every fear they overcame, and eventually developed into a monster that lurked in the background wherever they went. Creeping, waiting, watching in the shadows. Iwaizumi remembered his first monster like it was just yesterday: the dark.

It was his first sleepover that wasn’t just him and Oikawa. The new person was you, L/N Y/N, their shy second grade classmate. Oikawa was eager to have you join them, wanting you to be comfortable and never left out. That was your first mini monster—the shyness of a lurking child who was too afraid to show the world who they were—and thanks to Oikawa’s lovely hospitality and friendliness, you managed to defeat it without lifting a finger.

Iwaizumi never forgot the monster he faced that night, because you were there with your stunning smile.

Everything in the Oikawa household was still, tendrils darkness slithering their way from the deepest, darkest corners and trapping the house under its nighttime curse. Iwaizumi didn’t know what time it was, but everyone was asleep. He wanted to go to the toilet, but his childhood was peacefully sleeping as he held on to his bunny plushie.

That was when you had stirred awake. You were bleary-eyed, half-awoken from his broken whimpers of frustration. You rose from the futon you were given, curious as to why your new friend was awake in the middle of the night.

“Iwaizumi-kun?” Your voice was soft and gentle; a blanket of comfort wrapping around his shoulders as he looked over at you. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.” Maybe it was the way you phrased your words, how they eloquently became mini candlelights in his heart, or maybe it was the way you had immediately gotten up from your futon and waddled over to sit in front of him, clutching onto your comfort teddy bear, because he found himself spilling his concerns to you.

“I . . . I want to go to the toilet but it’s dark and scary outside.”

Oh, but the smile that you gave him was blinding.

“My grandma taught me this trick: if you’re scared of monsters in the dark, make louder, weirder noises to scare them off!” His mossy eyes glimmered in the pale moonlight with excitement of this newfound knowledge. “I can hold your hand and follow you. I need to go to the toilet, too.” The sheepish grin on your face was one he would always keep close to his heart, and he was glad that it never changed even when you grew.

As you held onto his hand, you held onto the vow that you made. You could tell how scared he was with the heavy, hesitant steps that he took and how sweaty his palms had grown. You were also scared, but you couldn’t show that to your new friend! You had to be brave, and brave you were as you took the lead in screaming high-pitched, garbled nonsense into the dark corridors. Eventually, he joined in as you both raced down the stairs, giggles bubbling from your lips as you made your way to the toilet near the kitchen.

You heard footsteps when you were finishing up in the toilet. You didn’t want Iwaizumi to be scared so you quickly washed your hands and threw open the door to find Oikawa’s parents looking incredibly concerned. With a proud grin, you told them what you did and they looked at each other with a smile you could never quite describe before bending down to your heights.

“Well, that’s brave of you, L/N-chan,” his mother praised. You sported a grin that boasted pride. “C’mon, let’s get you two back to bed, shall we?” Iwaizumi took your hand in his as he held Oikawa’s dad’s in the other.

“You don’t have to be scared anymore, Iwaizumi-kun,” you promised. “I’m here and I’ll always be here for you.”

Not once had you let go of that promise. Not even when the both of you got into fights that threatened the life of your friendship, or when someone’s heart broke little by little as the other held hands with someone else with a smile that they wished they could be the cause of. You were stubborn and so was he, and sometimes it felt like both of your obstinacy was the saving line. Rain or shine, come hell or high water, you were there for him and he was there for you.

The fears—these monsters that came in all forms and sizes—kept coming at him. Not only did they hurt him, but they had also hurt you and Oikawa, and he had always placed the blame on himself even when the both of you told him not to.

University life is hard. He had to juggle part time work and studies, and he barely had time to himself, let alone with you. The rare days that he gets to press pause on everything and lay in bed with you, his significant other of two years, he cherishes them.

“Y/N,” his gruff voice called out for you. You turned around and his bulking tanned arms trapped your figure in his warm embrace. His face was inches away from your as you lay there chest-to-chest. He could never get tired of staring at your face. From the dips and curves of your facial structure to the way your stunning eyes glow no matter what, he could never get enough.

The pillows of your soft lips pressed against his and he found himself chasing your lips for a longer kiss as you pulled away with a gentle chuckle. It pulled him out of his reverie, a small smile playing on his lips as his fingers reached up to push your hair away from your face. The late afternoon sun was warm against his skin and yours but the air conditioning soothed the warmth like a gulp of freshly iced water.

“Remember when I asked you to be my significant other?”

“How could I ever forget, Hajime?” Your laugh—god, your laugh was so divine—filled his ears and made the purple lilacs in his heart bloom. “It was our final year in Seijōh and you were so nervous that you practically bawled your eyes out after you confessed.” Your beautiful eyes creased into lovely half-crescents, your cheeks so soft as he pinched them gently for teasing him. He, too, eventually found himself laughing along.

It was one hell of a big monster that he fought. It grew and grew until it ate him up alive—he absolutely had to tell you how he felt or he would probably feel himself die a little bit inside if he didn’t tell you.

The both of you remembered the spring when you received your high school graduation certificates. The breeze was cool and sweet against your skin where it was exposed. It was the final day that you would be wearing the Seijōh uniform, and never had you thought that you would be so attached to it. You stared at the school as the bell tolls, signalling that another hour had gone by.

You could hear the chirping of birds in the distance, overlapping laughter and chatter as the graduating cohort loiters in the school yard that you were all gathered at. Everyone was taking pictures with their friends and family with tearful goodbyes and promises floating into the air like helium balloons. Your final year was over.

“Y/N-chan!” Toorū’s voice managed to reach you from among the crowd. You were surprised to find Iwaizumi by his side instead of the same flock of female admirers. You walked towards them, butterflies getting restless in your stomach from the way Iwaizumi was looking at you as the three of you met halfway. “So this is it, huh?”

“Stop being so negative, Idiotkawa!” Iwaizumi smacked the back of his head.

“You’re not some shōjō manga hero,” you grumbled at the same time.

“You’re both so mean! Mean!” Toorū whined as he rubbed the sore spot, his shoulders drooping ever so slightly as his lower lip jutted out into a pout. You couldn’t help but laugh at his antics.

“Let’s go back to my place. My parents decided to cook up a whole feast for the three of us with,” Iwaizumi offered. You parents weren’t necessarily the celebratory type, so you were just glad that you had your best friends to celebrate the end of your secondary education. You eagerly accepted the invitation with a bright smile, ready to walk with them when he blocked your path. “But before that . . .” He looked over at his childhood friend expectantly. A knowing smile broke upon his face.

“I’ll wait for you two at the entrance, then.” Oikawa didn’t say another word and left the both of you alone. Part of you kind of knew what he wanted to say, but there was this small twisted voice that told you no, that it wasn’t possible for someone as perfect as Iwaizumi would ever reciprocate your feelings for him.

“L/N Y/N.”

“Y-Yes?” Your eyes snapped back to meet his alluring moss green eyes, speckled with the golden rays of sunlight as he looked straight at you. His gaze was unwavering until his eyes left your face, betraying his confident front. You could tell that he was nervous. He was wiping the sweat from the palms of his hands on the sides of his uniform pants. His eyes kept darting between you and the floor, and his lips were parted, trying their best to form words but nothing seemed to come out. “Iwa-chan?” You softly prompted.

“I like you.” That was more than enough to knock the air out of your lungs. Your heart was soaring higher than it had ever gone, wings fluttering in absolute ecstasy as the butterflies in your stomach wreaked havoc out of pure joy. “Fuck, that probably didn’t cut it. Um– shit. I, uh. L/N Y/N, I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you, okay? Ever since we were kids, you’ve been there for me. You helped me and that dumbass whenever we were in need. Even when we fought, we made up, and not once had you held a grudge against me even when I’ve hurt you. You’re the best person that I have in my life ten years ago, today, and ten years from today, and probably forever. If you’d let me, I want to hold your hand and kiss your tears away and be your boyfriend.”

You were left speechless. You stared back at him, jaw slacked and eyes wide in shock. At your lack of response, he began to panic. He began to ramble at how you didn’t need to give him an answer that instant or how he needed to get his feelings known and acknowledged by you. It was so silly of him.

“Iwaizumi Hajime, stop that,” you laughed, tears threatening to spill from the corners of your eyes. He fell silent as he watched you take both of his large, calloused hands in your much smaller ones. “I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I’m in love with you too, Iwa-chan.”

Just like that, the biggest grin that you had ever seen on him broke out. You found yourself in tears, and he, too, was so overwhelmed with feelings that he was physically fighting to keep the tears at bay. This euphoric feeling was one that the both of you kept close to your hearts, even when you felt it almost every day.

“Y’know,” his voice was gentle against your bare skin, nose nuzzling into the crook of your neck as the both of you reminisced the good times. You hummed in response to prompt him forward. “I’ve been thinking . . .”

“What is it, baby?” The palm of your hands were two soft cushions cupping his jawline as you made him look into your eyes. He had always had a problem with eye contact when it came to speaking from his heart. You found it deeply endearing.

“I know we’re still young and all that, but I’m so fucking sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you so fucking much, Y/N. You mean the universe to me and I want to grow old with you.” You could feel the unsteady thump, thump, thumping of his unsteady heart as he slowly poured his heart out to you; the slightest tremble in his calloused, volleyball-worn hands as they nervously held on to your frame, the pads of his thumbs rubbing gentle circles as if to calm himself down for what he’s about to say. You weren’t dumb—you kind of knew what he was getting at. He wasn’t exactly subtle when he pointed out rings at the jewelry store downtown when the both of you went out on a date last week. “L/N Y/N, I love you with every single fibre of my being. Will you marry me?”

You knew he was scared. You knew he was nervous. You knew he was trying his hardest to keep his cool. He knew that you knew all these; why wouldn’t you? You knew him just like the back of your hand, as he did you. This monster was one hell of a headache. He had practiced the speech over and over again, even going so far as to ask Hanamaki or Matsukawa to roleplay, albeit terribly, as you. But you—oh, you—managed to slay this monster with just a single word.

The corners of your lips curled into a delectable smile. You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his in a kiss that was way too quick for his liking, but it was full of love and adoration nonetheless. His stunning eyes were still fixed on your face as his unsteady heart waited for your answer. The pink of your lips parted, saying the one word that doubled the euphoria that he had felt the day that they had graduated: “Yes!”

.°🍓! |  tags; ❞

@samuthots​

[a-n-conrad]

Starcrossed (Dabi x Reader)

[Summary: Being a hero makes dating a little hard. Most heroes either don’t do committed relationships or end up in pretty forced, unhealthy ones. You figured you’d be alone until you either died or retired until you fell in love with a villain.

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol mention, injuries, blood, knives, Endeavor, not canon]

It was a pretty boring day when you met him, to be honest. A regular patrol. You were on your own since your agency was still pretty small and you only had two sidekicks, who you didn’t want to be alone on the streets. You were a bit protective of them. You were a relatively young hero, but you knew that you could hold your own. You trusted them, but they were still just sidekicks. They were your responsibility, and you took that pretty seriously.

Patrols were usually the most boring part of your job. Meet a few civilians. Take a few pictures. Smile and nod while they talked about other heroes. You weren’t very well known, so you didn’t exactly have a very big fanbase of your own. It was getting a little old having to explain that, no, you weren’t friends with All Might. That even the top heroes that you did know weren’t really your friends, and that you just worked together. That, no, you couldn’t say hi to Hawks for them. And no, you weren’t going to give Midnight their number. 

You were on your way back to your office and it was starting to get dark. You were always a little more cautious when it started to get dark. Your quirk was shadow-based so it’s a little harder to use at night when there aren’t really that many shadows. It was during one of your overly cautious glances into the alleys that you noticed the bright blue eyes watching you. They looked like Endeavor’s, but you knew that there was someone a little more dangerous with those eyes to keep watch for. And the shining of the staples signaled that you were right in your second guess. The League of Villains was in your section of the city. Dabi was in your section of the city. Shit.

He broke the eye contact that you had with him to turn on his heel, heading into the alley that he had been lingering in. It took you a second before you thought to follow. You jump into a shadow, hoping to follow a little more stealthily, using your quirk. Manipulating the shadows to cover you so that you wouldn’t be seen. 

“You know that I know you’re following me, right?” He sighed as you reached a secluded section of the alley, “It’s cute that you’re trying though.”

“What are you here for?” You asked, stepping out of the shadows.

“Not ‘work’ if that’s what you’re worried about, sweetheart,” His voice was almost a little amused, despite the fact that he seemed so bored with everything. Something about his voice made you pretty sure that if you were in a different situation, you’d swoon a bit, “Look, Doll, I’m not in the mood to fight you, so maybe we can just both go on our way. I won’t cause you any trouble. Tonight, at least.”

“And why would I let you go? Do you realize exactly how much of a wanted man you are?” Why hadn’t you attacked him yet? Tried to restrain him in any way? Were you just waiting for him to get the drop on you?

“Aren’t you bored?”

“Bored?” What the hell kind of game was he playing?

“All the posing and smiling and playing nice while everyone ignores you for people like Endeavor?” His voice held a special brand of venom for the flame hero, “It’s gotta get exhausting. How do you play nice all the time? Don’t you just want to do something bad?”

“I’m working my way up,” Why were you indulging him? You didn’t have to answer his questions.

“Working your way up? I’ve seen you on the news. You genuinely help people. I’ve seen you on those debates trying to advocate for counseling for villains,” He rolled his eyes, “They’ll never actually let you rise in the rankings.”

You knew that. You’ve gotten enough “subtle” threats from the commission to figure that out. But why did he care? “What’s it to you anyway?”

“You know, this may sound weird,” He finally looked you in the eyes, that shade of blue looked so good on him, “I kinda like you.”

- - - - -

You let him go that night. And you had been seeing him more and more since then. And every time, as long as he promised not to cause any trouble in your area of town, you’d let him go. You had started to actually look forward to your talks. And you had started to worry when you went too long without seeing him.

Eventually, he had started coming to your apartment. It was safer than having discussions out in the open. You’d just come home from a night of patrols and find him half-asleep on the couch of your apartment.

One night you came home a little later than usual. One of the other agencies across town had insisted on a meeting since they had been having a bit of trouble with a small gang of new villains that they had a feeling was crashing in your turf. When you walked in the door you were greeted by the usual shine of the hallway light reflecting off of his staples, but you were missing his blue eyes. Usually, by then you’d already hear some sort of snarky greeting, but everything was quiet.

You flipped in the light to see him, lying on the couch, slumped over with his usual white shirt slowly turning more and more red.

“For fuck’s sake, Dabi,” you say, rushing over to crunch next to where he was sitting, “What the hell happened.”

He groaned and opened his eyes, smirking as he looked at you, “You’re pretty cute when you’re worried.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“A mission went bad,” He said, trying to sit up, only for you to push him back down, “Boss told us to lay low for a bit and I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.”

You sighed and left to grab the first-aid kit. You knew there was no way he could go to the hospital, but you also weren’t about to let him bleed out on your couch. No matter how much of an idiot he could be sometimes, “Take your shirt off.”

“That’s moving a little fast there, dollface.”

“Shut the hell up and let me make sure you don’t die,” You quipped back, rolling his eyes, “Do you need some booze or can you handle the pain?”

“I’m a big kid, doll,” He groaned, throwing the torn shirt on the floor and the jacket on the couch next to him.

He laid back as you brought all the equipment over. He had a pretty decent gash across his chest. It was deep, but not too deep for you to deal with. It’d leave a scar. But considering the amount scars he already had painted across his body, you figured he wouldn’t mind all that much.

“This might burn a little,” you say, before pouring a little bit of hydrogen peroxide on the cut. He didn’t even flinch. You supposed he was used to pain enough that this was nothing. It honestly made you sad to think about all of the pain he must have been through in his life.

You pulled out one of your sanitized needles that you kept in the kit and a bit of surgical thread that you had convinced a doctor friend of yours to give you for free. You were stitching yourself up a lot, and you weren’t exactly proud of having to buy medical supplies that often. At least the practice was coming in handy. 

It took you about an hour to sew him all up, and another few minutes to get him bandaged up. At least he was cooperative. It was actually a lot neater than you expected. Hopefully, it would heal alright.

“You’re staying here for the next week at least,” You command. You’d have to make sure that no one came over and that all of your blinds were closed the entire time, but you were sure you could pull it off. You had to make sure that his stitches didn’t break and that the cut didn’t get infected.

“Stay where, darling, the couch? It’s not exactly comfortable,” He chuckled, obviously trying to lighten the mood. You were starting to be able to read him a bit better. It always made him uncomfortable when you cared about him. He wasn’t used to anyone trying to protect him, so he didn’t know how to handle it. You just had to insist. 

“No, idiot. You take the bed. I’m not even home often enough to need it, I’ll take the couch.”

“Oh, come on, doll. I may be a villain, but I’m not stealing your bed after you sew me up. I don’t need charity.”

“Fine, then we’ll share, you big baby.”

You could see him think about. You wondered if he’d refuse, “Alright, one condition, though,” He said, the usual joking tone in his voice, “Kiss me.”

You know he didn’t actually expect it. He was teasing you, as he often did. But you did. You kissed him. You didn’t think you would, but you did. His lips were rough, and the staples that touched the sides of your mouths were surprisingly cold. You’d think that his body heat would warm them up, but apparently not. It was new, but you wouldn’t say it was bad. It definitely wasn’t bad.

He froze at first, not expecting you to actually kiss him. You took it to mean that he didn’t actually want you to kiss him, and started to pull away. However, before you could actually pull away too far from the kiss, you felt a hand on the back of your head, tangling in your hair and pushing you back into the kiss. It was rough, but somehow also sweet. He tasted a bit like ash and cigarettes and whiskey and you wondered if he always tasted like that. And you wondered why you cared what he always tasted like. 

Eventually, you had to pull back for air. He looked at you with his fiery blue eyes, a little glazed over, and pupils blown out, and you felt your heart skip a beat. He was so pretty. His eyes and his hair. Even the map of scars painting rivers and caverns across the landscape of his body. Fuck. You were hopeless. You had to be the worst hero in the world to fall in love with a villain. But you wouldn’t change it.

“I think I definitely have to take you up on that offer to share a bed now, honey,” He winked at you, and you led him to your room.

- - - - -

You and Dabi had been together in secret for months when you got the call from Endeavor. It was usual for a high ranking hero to talk to the lower running heroes if they were going to be doing an operation in their district. Especially if their quirk could be helpful. And your quirk was plenty helpful in fights. 

He wanted you to help him with stopping a villain attack on a local hero agency. Apparently, one of the other agencies in town had intercepted some of the League of Villains’ goons and had confiscated some sort of new weapon that they had been carrying. Apparently the League wanted it back. And apparently they were sending some people to get it that night. And you’d have to be an idiot to throw away the career-boosting move of helping the now number one hero help take down some of Japan’s Most Wanted. You just hoped you wouldn’t have to face Dabi.

Of course, your hopes were quickly dashed when your eyes met the fiery blue ones that you had gotten so well acquainted with. You hoped he understood why you were on opposing sides, but you didn’t get a chance to even try to read him before Endeavor throw a fireblast directly at him. You froze for just a moment. Just long even to end up with a knife in your side, thanks to the little serial killer that they had adopted, named Himiko Toga.

“Shit,” You didn’t want to fight her, either. She was still a kid. She was in her high school uniform. Obviously she needed help, and you didn’t understand how anyone could possibly fight her full force without guilt. But you needed to. 

She lunged at you, a grin on her face and a new knife in her hand. You quickly dodged and used the shadows to push her back. It was getting pretty dark, so your quirk was kind of weak at the moment. 

It was a struggle. She was faster than you, especially since you already had a knife wedged between your ribs. You were managing, though. At least, well enough. You were starting to get a bit dizzy, but you had managed to keep her from getting any more hits in. 

About ten minutes into the fight things started heating up. Literally. Dabi and Endeavor had been facing off against each other. You had a feeling there was some sort of history there, but you had never really asked Dabi. You had a feeling he couldn’t really tell you without revealing a ton of his past. And he was pretty private about that. 

Either way, the two of them were facing off without much thought about anyone else. Before you knew it, flames had engulfed most of the building that you were fighting in. The mix of blue and orange flames showed that neither one of them was holding back. But it was getting hard for the rest of you to continue fighting. The flames were starting to lap at your legs and your uniform was starting to get a little singed. 

Just before Toga could lunge at you again, somehow ignoring all of the fire, a warp gate appeared. It was a signature of Kurogiri, meaning it was time for the League to leave. Either they got what they wanted, or they were running out of time. You couldn’t help but hope Dabi would just leave.

“Oh,” Toga sounded a little disappointed, “It looks like it’s time to go. And I was actually having some fun.”

She took off and you didn’t even try to stop her. Your legs were starting to give out. You had lost a lot of blood. You were pretty sure you couldn’t even chase her if you tried. You just watched as the Vanguard Action Squad of the League of Villains started to flee. And Dabi didn’t.

You watched as he and Endeavor continue to face off while his friends tried to pull him away. They continued to throw flames at each other for a good two minutes until you noticed something off with Endeavor. He was charging up for a “Hellfire Storm”, which he didn’t use all that often. He was going to do anything to capture Dabi. Even if it meant killing him.

Before you could even think about it, you activated your quirk and jumped into the shadow right in front of Dabi. Just as Endeavor fired off his attack, you used your quirk to create a bubble around you and Dabi. You were straining your quirk, that was for sure. And you had no clue how long you’d be able to hold out, but hopefully longer than Endeavor.

Your nose started bleeding and the shield you created started falling apart. There were cracks and holes where the flames were starting to peak through, but you weren’t about to give up. Dabi was frozen behind you as this all went down. You just hoped he’d be able to get out once you dropped the shield.

Eventually, Endeavor let up. It felt like hours, but you were sure it wasn’t nearly that long. Your brain was pretty fuzzy and your vision was starting to go black. As you dropped the bubble, your legs finally gave out. The last thing you registered before the world went black was a pair of arms wrapping around you.

- - - - -

You woke up what you were pretty sure was a few days later. Your limbs were sore and your head was still fuzzy. You were so goddamn thirsty. And you weren’t in your apartment. Where were you exactly?

“Thank god, you finally woke up,” You heard next to you. It was a familiar voice, though it held a whole lot more relief than you were used to, “I thought you died on me.”

“This was revenge for you bleeding all over my couch,” you rasped, “Can you get me some water or something?”

“Already ahead of you,” He handed you a glass of water. You took a sip, realizing just how thirsty you were. Your throat was so sore. How long had you been out?

“Alright, update me,” You said once you set the glass down, “I have a feeling there’s a lot I need to know.”

“You mean like how you’re now a wanted villain? Or how I got Shiggy to let you stay as long as you promise not to turn any of us in.”

Wanted villain, huh? It was kind of funny. You had a feeling you got more news coverage from just that than you ever had as a hero. To be honest, you feel like you might do more good as a villain too.

“Welcome to the League, (Y/n),” He said, “If you’ll join, that is.”

[Might do a part two if requested?]

[delightsan]

FLAME (I) | CS

⁕ genre: fuck boy!san, bad boy!au, college!au, fluff, angst, enemies to lovers

⁕ pairings: choi san x fem!reader

⁕ words: 2.3k

⁕ description: keeping the title of being the best student on campus isn’t easy for you, especially when your mind was occupied only by him and his annoying smirk, the popular bad boy who once decided to sets on fire your heart without anybody’s permission

⁕ warnings: explicit language, suggestive remarks, smoking & alcohol

read the prologue here!

"I like you."

“I might also like you.”

The overhelming idea of being loved by the most popular boy is like a scene taken from a cliché romcom, where the leads are blinded by the arrow of Amor, making it hard to believe his smooth words. His declaration of being the one, who would be beside you in your worst time, holding you tight in his arms is alluring like the sweetest candy. San's confession opens the heavily lock to your heart, which you hide in order to prevent yourself for falling into a twisted flame of love. You give in all of the tempations like a prey for the devil, the taste of hell creeps at your tongue leaving a taste for more. Angels can also fall from heaven.

His charming smile can only bring concerns to your already clouded mind.

Beginning of the spring starts the night after your defeat of vain attempts to return to the godly paradise, the events from yesterday filling your senses with a nerve-wracking anticipation but also a uneasy fear of being stuck in imaginations of your dreamland. The dead world which was once sworn by a snow blooms into a mesmerizing flower only to catch your attention, taking away the ability to breathe with him as a main culprit.

It's your favorite season after all, does wonders really exist to open a new path for you? You hope so.

The strong scent of cigarettes wakes you up to relief your anxious sleep as the rays of golden hours dances through the small space of your room, motivating you to sit up in order to get ready for a new dares. Mornings are always hard as you never liked the idea of being out of your comfort zone - the bed. You shiver at the coldness of your wooden floor, groaning in annoyance as you fail to locate your favourite pair of fluffy slippers. The clock at nightstand struck now at 5:34AM, signaling to start your day with a cup of warm coffee made by your roommate Seonghwa who is also one of his friends.

Making your way to the dresser in order to pull out a pair of jeans and a simple white tshirt, you scroll down trough your daily reminder of activites as you got a message from Seonghwa saying to hurry up before the breakfast could get cold. The small yawn escape your mouth as you curse in your head for his overdramatic ass, he is always nagging about you to his boyfriend Hongjoong, who is a leader of the gang ATEEZ, he and other boys belongs to. You had actually a couple of chances to met him, he is a devoted kid with the sweetest smile you have ever seen. Deep down your heart you know both of them cares for you, like a brothers who want nothing but the best for their little sister. Grabbing a brush at your desk, you comb your long hair to smooth it out before doing a gentle makeup on your face to look freshly new. The last glance at the reflection in the mirror satisfites you, smiling brightly as you leave the room with a delighted mood.

The magnificent breakfast at the large kitchen's counter is what greets you first with it's abundance, thanking to god for Seonghwa's kindly gesture and his angelic manners. You need to attack him with kisses later for being a perfect roommate you were craving for years. Taking a seat, you glance at the flawlessly baked pancakes with doze of fresh fruits, most of them strawberries as he exactly know from one of many shared conversations that they are your favourite fruits. To improve your mood even more in adcition there is also a coffee that you would yearn for all of morning. He was indeed a perfect roommate, a soft-hearted bad boy with a caring side contrasting with his opposite lifestyle.

  You consume the meal in peace as the muffled voice could be heard at the end of balcony where Seonghwa and you would enjoy his morning routine which include of a cigarette and hot cocoa for him, praising you about being non-addicted to smoking and you with a plain black coffee, talking to a Bom who is your newly planted Dianthus. Curiosity won a battle against your guts as you ate the food and decide to go towards the balcony in order to greet your friend but the harsh smell of smoke hit your lungs, coughing in desperation for fresh air as you blink a couple of times.

The mesmerizing sight of San with cigarette between his long fingers looks like pulled straight out of the outstanding painting in which his acute jaw is carved with delicate caution and his honey glazed skin glows in the sun, being a living example of a descendant of god. San's cat like eyes meets yours in a rapid moment, the sound of thumping inside your heart increase as you gulp and you swear you could see the whole universe in them. Too many stars to count them all.

He puts out the source of smoke, brushing a hand through his hair with red streaks to sleak them back in order to see you better in the sunrise. No sign of Seonghwa, the only savior is now gone, making you question what was his excuse to leave you alone with San. "Did you sleep well, princess?" he asks, the hoarse of his voice send a shiver down your spine. "I heard you like to talk to Bom. Your friend seems to enjoy my company."

"Why are you here? Where is Seonghwa?"

"Ouch." San pouts in fake pain at your blunt question. "I wanted to see your pretty face." he smirks as he leans against the balcony grilles covered in flowers. "Seonghwa is at his room talking with his lover boy." You want to take a picture of this moment, to remember it everyday before going to sleep, at how his sparkling eyes are looking at you with adoration and his intoxicating scent is overhelming you.

Choi San is a epitome of a bad boy who dresses in all black, the leather jacket on his left shoulder, the other arm is being exposed by his tank top which perfectly shows his majestic tattoos. You don't know if all of them have deeper meanings, hiding the scars of past misakes or made just under the influence of youth. One catch your liking, the weathered cat on his forearm.

"Is that a cat?" you asks curiously, causing him to grin widely at your little interest in his persona as his face lit up like a sun to run away with your breath. His deep dimples makes apperance as you shyly smile back at him, containg the urge to put kisses all over them and tell him how truly beautiful they are. If someone could be more charming than him, you wouldn't be in hell right now. 

Chuckling, he says. "Yeah, that's my cat. Her name is Byeol." he smiles at the mention of his lovable pet, he surely adores her with genious love. Being envious of cat is amusing, but you can't help the uncertainty to his feelings, wishing he just would love you the way he loves her. "It's old though."

You step forward in order to examine the tattoo by yourself at the close range, his well-built body radiates with power over your wits, the hot temperature filling you up with dizziness as you burst with desire when his skin make contact with yours. The feeling of his piercing eyes on your every movements is affecting you in the way you would never imagined, blushing like a kid who would be caught at the stealing his favourite cookie. Inhaling his sensual scent, you don't break the contact between the both of you as you bite your lips at the thoughts, clouding your mind because his flaming skin feels rights on your cold one. "No, I think it's cute despite it's condition." 

San's face softens at your words. "If you say so." he says, grabbing your delicate hand in his, letting it wander all over his tattooed arm to left the trace of heaven he's long lost addicted to. Yours touch is like a drug to him, dangerous but worth it's price, taking away his common sense in order to make him a fool of your nonexsisting sins. Oh, how much he wants to to demolish you with his world. 

The drowing out sound of both yours rapid heartbeatings is like the sweetest music to your ears which you listen to ease your uneasy feelings, shaking you to the core of lust in order to realise the pressure of his warm hands on your waist, pressing himself as close to you as possible. Clutching subtly at his black top you push him into your embrace, lips molds together in a quick moment as he pulls away completely and you feel cold and empty as he flashes you a sly grin. 

"Oh my god, I'm sorry" you says paincked. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

"It's okay, don't be sorry. I actually really like it." he says as he doesn’t give you the time to respond, choosing to press his lips hard against yours instead. You would lie if you say the butterflies inside your stomach doesn't burst the second his soft lips met yours, opening a whole new world to you.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

San chuckles and grabs you by the chin but his touch is not rough, more likely gentle like a feather, taking care of the pressure he puts into showing affection to you. "No, are you?" he mocks you. "I like you, remember?" 

You shake your head as your heart starts to pound at his meaningful confession, craving for more of his sweet talking. The relationship with San started at the beginning of colleague when Seonghwa introduced him to you as on of his best friends. You both were attracted to ourselves but sometimes not everything work the way we want it to be. "What do you mean by like, we are enemies" you whisper as his hand sneaks to the small of your back in order to pull you even closer if that's possible, rubbing at the cold flesh of your skin, leaving the suave aftertaste of his hell.

"I really like you, (Y/N)." he says softly as his embrace on you grow stronger, proving how secure his arms could feel around your fragile figure. The sparks in his brown eyes are magnificent like a colorful fireworks on a New Year, drawing you into the neverending trance of exchanging shy looks. "My reputation is fucked up but who cares, they already know not to mess with me. These braindead folks can go to hell, I swear to god they are only a burden."

Venom lingers in his voice like a bitter poison, covering your blushy skin in goosebumps as you look away from his pleading stare to hide the tears, threating to fall at the corner of your eyes. It pains you that you have to see him in state, where the hateful words are form of a escape from a incumbent reality. "I care, San. How can I not, if you bring the troubles once I'm not looking" you sigh. "It’s not your fault, though." you lean into him, dropping your head in the crook of his neck. The faint sound of his heartbeat soothe your nerves like a precious lullaby, dreaming about this moment.

For a bad boy who can only curse about his miserable life, Choi San is a lost puppy who never experienced the meaning of love. Always in the wrong hands of his owners, deceiving his feelings to fall into the depths of emotion abyss.

You bite your lips in anexiety, exhaling his intoxicating scent of expensive cologne mixed with the smell of cigarettes from earlier. "Can you prove to me that your confession was true? Show me how much do you like me and how do you crave the feeling of my skin in yours, to hold me like this every night not like other girls you slept with." you ask with trembling hands. "Promise me to be honest with me and make me fall in love with the real you."

He chuckles as he softly presses his lips to the crown of your head. "I promise." he states, your insides swell and your heart pounds in your chest once again because San is far for being a perfect boyfriend but maybe you have a power to change him to be one. "Tutoring can wait" he says as you look at him curiously, a teasing smile on his face. 

"San, your grades are awful." you sigh as you cannot help but smile at the sight of the pout on his face, looking like a kid who couldn't get his favourite lollipop. You pull away from him and thread your fingers through his hair in an attempt to comfort him. 

He grins as you allow him to press chaste kisses down your neck to your lips, softly pressing into you as you whimper at his close approximaty, his burning touch leaving you with a bite for more of the forbidden fruit. Kissing him feels like paradise, you have never done it before, contemplating about the sin but it feels right. "I don't care."

Far for being angelic, the son of devil sets on fire your heart, not caring for the burns on his skin, inviting you to his little game.

"Kids, I left you for a moment and you are already making out." The sound of Seonghwa voice make you giggle in embarrassment.

"Fuck off, Seonghwa!" San warns, eyeing the older boy.

Maybe connecting your soul with Choi San’s won't be that bad idea.

[blindprof]

It’s Complicated

When people first hear me say that I am blind or severely visually impaired (B/VI), the most common reaction is surprise…followed by sympathy…followed most often by awkward silence. This is totally understandable. Unless you are regularly interacting with differently abled people, disabilities are uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable and awkward around people who live with other forms of disability.

Heck, I’m still awkward around other people who are B/VI. And even this is understandable. Because each person is unique. Each manifestation of visual impairment is unique. Each path to and with B/VI is unique. Each person has unique life experiences, coping mechanisms, support networks, etc. We are all strangers in a strange land. I’ll have other posts dedicated to the whack-a-doo personal and social psychology of B/VI. For now, the focus remains on the physical, or rather the perceptual.

The second reaction is usually a question: “How bad is it” or “What do you see?” And my answer is “It’s complicated.”

In my first post, I laid out some more technical details: I have a visual field that is less that 10 degrees, night blindness, color blindness, uncorrectable myopia, light sensitivity, etc. But it’s not apparent how these details really affect what I see and how that impacts what I can do. This post will go into greater detail into what and how I see. Later posts will focus on how I (try to, with varying levels of success, stupidity, and hilarity) cope with these limitations.

It probably makes sense to start with my visual field, as this is the aspect of my vision that “qualifies” me as legally blind. However, before getting to that, we really need a basic understanding of how humans see. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it short and simple.

It may be easiest to compare the eye to a modern digital camera. A camera lens gathers and focuses light; it also constrains the amount of light passing through by altering the size of a mechanical aperture. In the human eye, these functions are performed by the lens and the pupil, respectively. In a digital camera, the lens focus light onto a CCD or CMOS sensor, which is a dense grid of light sensitive “pixels,” each generating a small electrical charge proportional to how much light (within a certain wavelength) is hitting it. The human retina is the biological, electrochemical equivalent. Finally, a digital camera has wires that transport these electrical signals to a computer, which then interprets the signals to create a digital image. Here, the human analogues are the optic nerve and the visual cortex within the brain.

As I noted in my first post, I have Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP), which primarily impacts my retina. Due to the wonders of genetics and epigenetics, other parts are impacted. But for now, I’ll focus on the retina. Characteristically, people with RP find that their retinal “pixels”—millions of light-sensitive “rod” and “cone” structures, as well as protective retinal pigment epithelial (RPE) cells from which the disease gets its name—stop functioning from the outside in. We don’t know the exact cause, nor is there yet any proven way to slow, much less reverse the process.

Of course, this is a biological process that is unique to each individual. For me, it has progressed relatively slowly from childhood. I can recall early symptoms as far back as age 6. I’ll have a separate post at some point talking about progression. But it is notable the process is neither steady nor predictable. I’ll have periods of relative stability followed by periods of perceptible loss. It’s rarely like a light switch, but rather more like a dimmer. Each area of loss will appear darker with less usable information until it is just “clicked off” by the brain, presumably redirecting its limited processing resources to doing something other than trying to interpret shotty data from dying cells. For me, the progression has also been very spotty—for example, I retained some usable vision in the extremes of my left-right periphery until just a couple years ago, despite progressively losing most of my peripheral vision between there and my center.

The result today is that I have very little of my retina remaining that pretends to function “normally.” I can detect very high contrast light vs. dark in some of my periphery, but nothing there that you would qualify as usable sight. My central vision is still somewhat functional, but has been fading rapidly of late. As I said, it’s spotty, but on average in good light I have maybe 10-15 degrees total horizontal vision and less than 10 vertical. And much of that is probably equivalent to what most would consider to be peripheral vision. To help better “feel” what this means, here are a few examples of how this manifests itself in my day-to-day life.

When I’m sitting across a table from you, I can see your face but not your hands. If I’m not socially distant, I might be able to see your eyes or your mouth, but not both at the same time. I often creep people out during a conversation because I’m constantly losing eye contact and moving my eyes to different parts of their body. I promise, I’m not “undressing you with my eyes”—people talk with their entire bodies, and I’m simply trying to catch as many visual cues as possible.

When watching TV from 10 feet away, I can “see” my entire 55-inch screen. But less than a quarter of that is in my central vision. I have to move my eyes to see detail or read signs or captions. Sports and fast action scenes are difficult to catch. A fast action, dark scene with subtitles…oy…the Battle of Winterfell may as well have been a BBC Radio broadcast.

I can read, though usually only slowly and for short periods, especially if it is paper and ink. I see only a few words at a time, so my eyes have to constantly move. This causes a lot of eye strain, and I have trouble keeping both eyes properly oriented and occasionally have periods where one eye twitches uncontrollably—obviously I’m channeling my inner Mad-Eye Moody.

And of course, navigating unfamiliar or unpredictable environments is very difficult. I navigate by moving from waypoint to waypoint, and if I don’t know the waypoints or if things jump in my way, well, bad things happen. Or maybe funny things.

More on all of these and their many repercussions in future posts.

People ask, “What do you ‘see’ in the places where you have no vision? Is it blackness? Emptiness? Blurry?” Again, it’s complicated, but for the most part, my brain has just removed those areas from its visual processing “algorithm.” So, I see the same thing that you see when something is beyond your peripheral vision…just nothing. There are long periods of adjustment as I lose sight—kind of like losing a limb and still expecting it to be there. But eventually it’s just not a part of the picture that my brain paints of the world around me.

Unfortunately, that’s not all. Night blindness is often the first detected symptom for folks with RP. What is left of my retina doesn’t detect light well, so I need much more of it. The result is that I’m totally blind in low-light situations. I need direct light to see any kind of detail. I carry a flashlight everywhere I go and use it regularly day and night.

So, I need bright light. But it is also my nemesis. My eyes compensate like one would with a digital camera…by cranking open the aperture (pupil) and turning up the gain on the sensor. This does allow me to function semi-normally in certain situations. But it also results in severe light sensitivity. As with a camera, the wider pupil also results in loss of detail, and bright light can almost entirely wash any other visual information. To make matters even worse, although my pupils do function, they are VERY slow to adjust.

The results of all of that are varied. I’ll post more details in the future. But for example, I am no longer able to read a computer screen for any length of time without inverted colors. It’s like trying to read while staring at headlights. I truly need dark mode on all of my devices. Also, changing lighting conditions are challenging, especially when they are extreme. When I come in from outside, my eyes can take many minutes to adjust. And bright light sources like sunny windows in otherwise moderately lit environments can really cause havoc.

Finally, a common comorbidity with RP are cataracts, which cause hardening and blurring of the lens. Of course, this one hit me, as well. A number of years ago, I had cataract surgery. It was great. I was the youngest patient in the surgery center by like 30 years. The process involves using a magic wand to dissolve your natural lens and replacing it with a plastic one. This gets rid of the blurring, but entirely removes the ability to focus. As a bonus, I did go from needing coke bottle glasses to just needing a couple of diopters of correction. But this further complicates reading, and means I’m constantly donning and doffing my specs or having to look below them to read. Minor in the big scheme of things, but it does make me look and feel like a damn old fart.

Okay, if you made it this far, you deserve to be let off the hook for now. There’s more like the fact that my corneas—the eyes’ (usually) clear “lens caps”—now seem to cause my sight to remain blurry for the first couple of hours of each day. Or that the eye strain can sometimes get so physically painful that I have to close my eyes for long periods during the day. But this is a mostly complete and accurate snapshot of what I’m currently living with physically.

I guess I didn’t present too many funny or uplifting or forward-looking things in here. Truth is, you kind of have to muddle along with me through these sewers to eventually find the humor and hope in all of this. Because it’s complicated. But I’ll get there if you’re patient.

[imtryingthisout]

Sunglasses and Serenity

[a fic inspired by @nachosforfree @sanderssides-magicalgirlau check them out]

[Warnings: Descriptions of a Panic Attack]

[Pairing: Sleepxiety]

[Word Count: 2283]

——————————————————————

It was not a quiet night. The sky above was dark, the pearly stars hidden behind the neon verbosity of downtown. 24 hour shops and businesses had windows that never dimmed, pinpricks of artificial lightings blurred together creating an abstract mess of blended color.

The moon itself was distorted by the light pollution. It’s natural autumn glow paled in comparison to the vibrancy of the busy streets.

Remy both loved and hated it.

Growing up with summers spent in his family’s old Villa in Italy, secluded in a valley side miles away from the nearest approximation of a town, he had always known how the sky was darker blue than black. He and his cousins loved to climb upon the rooftop and find the stories hidden in the stars. The earth around them was quiet and peaceful, but never silent. The symphony of crickets and other night creature laid in the background of every night spent there. A distant murmuring, Tellus’s lullaby.

Moving to the city had been akin to dunking his head in a bucket of ice water and screamo pop.

Shocking, painful and utterly disorientating. But after the ringingness faded- strangely exhilarating.

Remy has thrown himself headfirst into the city’s night culture. Staying up late partying, trying all the best coffee houses, hanging around the hidden-and-not-so-hidden drag shows,gaining a reputation and a caffeine addiction along the way.

But this was not a night where he would be going out, not when everything he needed was with him.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Virgil really was a sight to be seen, his skin was pale, like the white-petaled sunflowers that grew by the valley, that seemed to glow in the moonlight. But his starkness fit in perfectly with the gleam of the industrial lights. Heterochromatic eyes, green and purple, stunning as murano glass and pulsing as strobe lights.

Achingly familiar, yet enticingly foreign. Home and longing rolled up in one boy, a boy who has stolen one of his sleep shirts for his own nefarious (adorable) use.

And who probably wanted an answer. Quick Remy, think of some witty remark to be entertaining!

“You ever notice how bright it is sometimes?”

Damn it! Guess we’re being genuine.

Virgil quirked his head to the side, giving Remy a piercing look, before nodding his head slightly . “Yeah,” he said, “Used to overstimulate the crap outta me when I was younger.” Then he paused, debating with himself over continuing- but decided to press forward. “Is that why you always wear those stupid shades?” The last words said in jest.

A surprised laugh escaped his through before he could stop it- Virgil almost reaches out to comfort him, but tensed up, too many bad memories stilled his arm.

“Girl, I’ll have you know these are designer glasses right here” he made a gesture around his face, “Iconic one of a kind Remy Hypnos Original Shades. Don’t go dissing my brand babes”

Virgil just snorted and rolled his eyes, “Uh, I’m pretty sure the designer thing on your face are those-eye bags you have hidden under there.”

“Damn right, even the bags under my eyes are Gucci”

“Oh Gods did you steal that off tumblr you sleep-deprived asshat? Oh don’t give me that look you totally did.” Virgil’s words had started off biting, but slowly devolved into a giggling mess.

(He really was just too cute for this world, Remy thought)

“Oh Ha ha, laugh it up” he snapped, ignoring his blushing cheeks and hot ears.

(Virgil could always tell how flustered Remy was by how red the tips of his ears were. A dusty pink for flirty, A warm rouge signaled embarrassment or arousal. Virgil loved watching the colors bloom on his skin. Memorizing what each shade meant- he could take any cochineal-colored paint swatch and map out Remy’s mood in the margins. It made him so easy to read, and so much fun to mess with.)

Soon the laughing and jeering subsided, and Virgil turned to look at Remy, “But seriously man, Is that why you always have those things on? Photophobia?”

“Can’t it be enough that I look rad as all Hell’s in them?”

“Not with that deflection it can’t” Virgil wasn't giving up it seemed, so Remy let out a deep sigh and gathard his words. “Remember highschool?”

“Kind of hard to forget.” High school was an absolute trainwreck for Virgil, he’d been on and off meds that screwed with his moods- making the already hormone fueled circus that was over a thousand teens trapped in one building, like a pack of sardines- even more emotionally taxing.

But if High School was a disaster for Virgil, it was absolute Hell for Remy.

Remy and his cousins had been homeschooled by their many relatives since they were children. Growing up learning in his family’s study. Rich mahogany floors, dim golden lighting bouncing off the variety of nick-nacks and treasures that line the shelves. Learning to read in his grandfather’s library, his worn and wrinkled hands guiding his young fingers along the words.

His cousin Alessia longed to go to a public school, and pleaded with her mother for ages before she relented. With the condition that she would allow her to go- but only if one of their own went with her.

So Remy, proving himself as her favorite, offered to accompany her.

The blinding smile on Alessia’s face as she squealed thank you , thank you amata cugino, favorito benedetto, was totally worth it. ‘It’s only one year’ he thought, ‘how bad could it be?’

Until he actually got there.

Virgil could think back and recall in semi-perfect clarity the day Remy Hypnos graced the halls of Sandershore High. Roman had become a central hub for gossip , and he’d heard whispers that of new transfer students, which in of itself wouldn't be news. But Hypnos was a household name, owning some of the most ridiculously pretentious Itialian Restaurants in the country. The kind people got engaged at, those levels of nice.

Needless to say when Remy and Alessia strolled into Sandershore’s gate. With perfect olive skin, rich brown hair and clothes nicer than Virgil’s single mom income could ever afford. Virgil fell in hate easily.

(The kind of hate that has him staring at him out of the corner of his eye during Calculus. Thinking about what his eyes looked under those darkened glasses. The kind of hate that wasn’t really hate)

Remy had all the perfect components to rule to school. Pretty, rich, with a startling amount of charisma and people skills for someone so unsocialized.

(Know one knew how he picked up slang so fast in an attempt to hide to slight foreign tilt that laced his words. Never knew how when he first heard someone mock Alessia’s body he punched the guy’s lights out without ever thinking. No one knew how he hadn’t had a night's sleep since school started. How fake he felt, his mannerisms esageraged and twisted to suit the liking of the student body- till he felt like a caricature rather than a person.)

By second quarter Virgil and Remy’s seeming distaste for one another had spread far and wide. They couldn’t be in the same room together without having some sort of verbal showdown. If you asked Virgil he would say that Remy was a self absorbed prick with an ego the size of Mt. Rushmore. If you asked Remy he’d say that that Virgil was a clingy mood-killer who couldn’t see past his own issues.

(Remy didn’t know how empty Virgil felt. How much the crushing weight of his own thoughts threatened to pull him down under. How his dependency on Patton was more sinister than a clingy best-friend. How sometimes his nightmares left him gasping and clawing- begging for them to come back. How his mother never really could fill the emptiness in his house. How Virgil sometimes felt like a puppet going through the motions.)

As the eye bags under their eyes grew darker and heavier, and autumn grew colder and colder. Both boys felt the pressure crushing them under its weight.

(Turns out they both used their arguments as cathartic release from the world around them.)

(Some things never change.)

It was winter when they found each other. Both on the verge of a breakdown-

(It was always too bright. There were no warm wooden floors just chilled title and harsh- fake- lights. The entire building smelled like body odor and cleaning supplies. The teachers were strangers, uncaring distant- he heard what the girls were saying about his cousin. He just felt so-)

(Empty. Hopeless. Patton was gone where did Patton go? He was lonely. And so so pathetic. He needed to get himself under control needed. Don’t be a burden- they all hate him- don’t slip up. They’re going to leave him. Everything felt so distant- drowned out by the static- he was drowning-)

Where the fate’s looking down on the two powder keg boy. A spark away from igniting. Weaving their strings together for a happenstance in counter. Or was it merely coincidence that they went to the same storage closet, to have a moment's respite.

Was it just chance that the door was automatic-locked.

“This is just great” Remy hissed under his breath, he just wanted one moment- just one! Of some cooled peace and solitude. Away from the buzzing gossip and fake friends. Away from the sensory hell outside. A little kernel of bitter anger swelled within the pit of his stomach. One moment, just one.

Then he turned to look at the other person in the room.

Remy had seen lots of sides of Virgil Anxiti, the sarcastic commenter, the horrible-yet oddly insightful- student, the debater .

(He hadn’t seen the devoted son, the caring brother, the friend who would do anything for his loved ones)

But he’d never seen him… blank.

Curled up in the corner of the closet, arms hugging his knees as they were pressed into his chest, was Virgil. Eyes dead and dulled as stone. The muscles in his face were relaxed completely- which unsettled Remy more than crying would have.

Remy wasn’t a Knight in shining armor, or even a comforting person in general- but unqualified as he may be, he couldn’t just let his favorite rival just sit there and do nothing to help.

Alessia needed physical touch when she was upset , their whole family was practically comprised of touchy people. So when one of them was sad, it was a one way ticket to hug time. Somehow Remy didn’t think that would be well received.

“Hey, babes I’m going to touch your arm- that good with you?” He didn’t reply, not that Remy thought he would- but still. So slowly, cautiously, he layed a single hand on Virgil’s arm.

The change was gradual, but noticeable. Hear bloomed under Virgil’s complexion, bringing back warmth into his skin. The glassy oversheen of his eyes subsided, and his entire posture just… relaxed. And so did Remy.

When he had gathered enough of himself, Remy guided Virgil though his breathing exercises. In and out, In and out. Hand never leaving his arm- grounding him to the world.

The door was still locked when Virgil regained his senses. “Guess we have to wait until someone notices we’re missing” Which nearly set Virgil off into another spiral. Until they rembered that technology exists. And so they used Virgil’s phone to text Logan to come and unlock it.

“He’s the only one who won’t make a big deal about us being locked in a closet together”

But there was time between then and there. Time to talk, if only to fill the awkward silence.

To talk about school.

“Girl I have no idea what they put in those ‘school provided lunches’ but they are not food.”

“What rock have you been living under? I once got food poisoning from drinking some of the milk in 6th grade- and that still wasn’t the worst thing I’ve eaten from there.”

About Friends.

“I met Patton when I was six and we’ve been best friends ever since. Dee joined in when we were all about nine and we first saw Lo’ and the twins when they started freshman year”

“I cannot honestly tell you the names of half the people who hang around me”

About Family.

“Hon you could bust down every wall in this building and still wouldn’t have enough room to put all my fam”

“It’s just been my mom, little brother and Patton since I was eight and my dad walked out. Still don’t know who I hate more for it- him or me”

If Logan took just a tad longer route to the closet- he didn’t mention it. He also didn’t mention when Remy started joining their table for lunch. Matching Roman and Remus in all their theatrics- offering to set up a ‘play date’ between some of his younger cousins and Dee’s many siblings.

(If he noticed how much happier the two were after that, how much more healthy Virgil seemed, how more secure in himself Remy acted...well that was just one more thing he didn’t mention.)

Present Day Remy took off his glasses, letting them rest gently in his hand. “My Nonna gave them to me the day before I started school. Said they would come in handy. They did of course.. they just kinda.. became more” he rubbed along the temple’s rubbery tip. Eyes focused in on the way his fingers move up and down the slender frame.

Virgil gently takes the glasses into his hand, and sets them down on the bedside table. He has to stand on his toes to reach Remy’s face, but when he does he tenderly places a hand onto his cheek, gazing into his deep brown eyes- the same shade as his espresso cups and just as rich.

And Remy melts into him. Allows himself to be led away from the window. From the bright lights and traffic noise, and into Virgil’s embrace.

[treatpeoplelikepeople]

Do we have any sense of self left? Or are we robots. Do we find ourselves constantly in a state of decay, or will we find new growth beneath the dead and dry underbrush of life, feeding on the bodies and death of our predecessors, just trying to build a sense of self for the coming light. We’re not anything new. We’re the same biological machines fighting for life and just looking to do less damage than those before us.

If we can stop the decay, there’s a sense of love underneath, the need and want to find a better way to help each other stop the decay. Equal beings regardless of ability, we as a people need to play on the strengths of ourselves and others to create a better whole. We find that in a life that such as this, we’d rather take it all upon ourselves, than find humanity and become a whole. We hold ourselves accountable for every little instance of failure, regardless of our involvement. We are the solidified sense of self eroding under the waterfall of the tyranny we’re subjected to. Breathe life into your brothers and sisters, feed their passions and starve their inequities to death. If we don’t feed the negative the beast cannot grow. If you feed your negativity it becomes something more than itself.

A hulking, breathing shape, we find ourselves cowering in the corner, hidden from the darkness under a blanket with a light. When we find in our mind a sense of beauty, even in a dark place, it shines. A little goes a long way with negativity. They say to silence the beast, an equivalent of 7 positive feedings must be attempted for every negative feast. We CAN outshine the dark, but we cannot do it alone.

A signal in the dark, a beacon of light. It’s a risk like any other to fly the flag of light. It makes you a target to lost souls, coated in the dark, thriving in it. Lost souls have shaded the light, they look for any way to dampen it in themselves and others because they cannot handle to dare see it in themselves. This is not their fault necessarily. They’ve had it ripped from them, the love of the light, the love of the love, the sense of strength that comes with it. The conditional light presented to them is artificial, a tit for tat representation of self. They’ve been burned by artificial light, huddling too close to the coil hoping for heat, hoping for warm, and only finding a blinding light to illuminate the beasts in the dark. In seeing the beasts that roam the dark, there’s a sterility. The artificial light can reach them, but they cannot feel it. Clinical sterility pure and true. Cold in the artificial light, wading through the muck that comes with it.

There are beacons of light, they shine themselves regardless of adversity. It feels like a futile effort, and the beacons themselves have their own inner darkness, the beasts not vanquished, but controlled. The beacons of light have learned to fight their own, and have tools to help others fight theirs. To help them become a beacon, this beacon imparts their gifts. There is no obligation to be a beacon. Only a sense of duty, and love for humanity. Beacons of light are a gift to humanity from who knows where. People, beacon or otherwise need to find themselves in the dark. We can wade through the muck and detritus, but at the end of the day, we cannot find them if they do not move at all. Bodies in the muck don’t scream. They float through the muck, they fight through the muck, claiming that their only goal is to garner success in the situation that hinders. If they remove the shade, even for an instance, we can help. One cannot connect light, beacon or otherwise if there’s no light to connect to.

Sometimes a beacon may be hurt, or scared. Sometimes people start as beacons, and have it taken from them. Sometimes a person becomes a beacon through their experiences. Sometimes the muck drowns them. We mourn the fallen, but we do not envy them.

Being a beacon does not mean you are without dark. It means that we feel the dark, we listen to what it’s telling us, and we direct the psychological dissonance toward growth.

[simplymedsonlineuk]

The most common types of headaches, their causes and how to treat them

https://www.simplymedsonline.co.uk/blog/the-most-common-types-of-headaches-their-causes-and-how-to-treat-them

When headaches strike, the pain can be throbbing and persistent, and worsen after a few hours, some can even cause nausea. But one thing remains clear: it is difficult to continue with normal life when you suffer from a headache and it can be debilitating. However, the more information you can gather about the different types of headaches, the better you will be prepared to handle them when they occur. This article is focussed on the three most common headaches, their causes and how to treat them.

1. Migraine

Excruciating, debilitating and throbbing pain gradually builds up, typically on one side of your head. It can become intense and walking or talking can make it worse. You may feel nauseous and be sensitive to light or odours. Craving certain foods or changes in how much you urinate can occur the day before a migraine. Some people experience an aura before, during or after an attack. You may see flashing lights, wavy lines or blind spots.

Causes

There are different theories as to why some people develop the condition known as migraine, but sometimes the environment or genetics play a big role. The triggers usually vary from one person to another, but stress,anxiety, hormonal changes, smoking, sleep problems, skipping meals or strict diets, strong odours, and bright or flashing lights are often pointed out as the culprits, as do certain foods and beverages. You may want to avoid certain food and drinks like chocolate, (red) wine, pickled foods, aged cheeses, salami and pepperoni.

Treatment

Rest is best. It is recommended that you lie down, eyes closed, in a dark room and to place a cold compress on your forehead. If you are nauseous, you can drink lots of fluids, especially water. Your doctor may prescribe preventative medication or drugs to relieve your symptoms, but excessive use can cause recurrent headaches, so keep to your doctor's advice and prescriptions. Zolmitriptan tablets have been known to successfully treat migraines.

Zolmitriptan is a triptan that can treat the onset of acute migraine attacks and falls in the pharmaceutical classificationcalled‘selective serotonin receptor agonists’.They are effective because they work by narrowing blood vessels around the brain, to stop the pain signals.

2. Tension headaches

This type of headache is also known as muscle spasm or stress headaches and are the most common. The pain is usually on both sides of the head, and some people have described it as a feeling of something that is being pulled tight around their heads, or as if someone is pressing down hard on the face, head or neck. You may also be more sensitive to light and sound.

Causes

Physical body postures that put your head and neck under stress, like sitting in front of a computer for hours or pressing your phone with your shoulder against your ear can cause tension headaches. Stress, intense work, skipping meals, depression, anxiety a lack of sleep or too little sleep can affect the muscles in your neck, face, scalp and jaw, which can also lead to these headaches.

Treatment

If a health issue - such as arthritis, grinding of teeth or sleep disorders- causes it, your doctor will treat those symptoms first. If this does not alleviate or reduce your other symptoms, or if you do not have any other health problems, your doctor may recommend an over-the-counter medication such as Ibuprofen, Aspirin or paracetamol. A warm shower or a warm washcloth on the back of your neck may also help. If none of this works, you may want to try meditation or another relaxation technique to control your stress.

3. Cluster headaches

These headaches occurabruptly, almost out of nowhere and are often result in incapacitating pain, either on one side of your head, but sometimes also behind one or both eyes. They can appear forweeks at the same time of day. The pain is typically at its worst for the first ten minutes after it started, but it can last for several hours. Your eyes may turn red and your nose may swell on the side where the pain occurs, or you could experience sound, light or odour sensitivity.Some people experience an aura (similar to that of a migraine) and feel nauseous.

Causes

Because they are more prone to occur at night, some doctors believe they may be caused by irregular sleep. They can be triggered by smoking and alcohol. If you sustained a head injury, or if cluster headaches occur in your family, chances are you will also suffer from cluster headaches. According to research, these headaches occur more frequently in Autumn or Spring and people sometimes mistake them for allergies.

Treatment

Your doctor may recommend therapy where you inhale pure oxygen to reduce blood flow to the brain. Studies have shown that it can help most people who regularly suffer from cluster headaches. Your doctor can also prescribe Sumatriptan tablets, which are used to treat cluster headaches. In more severe cases, other medication may be prescribed.

While there are many different types of treatment for migraine, Sumatriptan and Zolmitriptan fall into the more affordable range of medicines, but it is also useful to know there is a range of fast-acting medicines like Zomig Nasal Spray and Imigran Nasal Spray and Rizatriptan or Maxalt.

Because different people respond differently to medicines, some people prefer to take Ibuprofen, Aspirin or paracetamol for the headaches, but you can consult your doctor or pharmacist to discuss the best possible treatment for you.

Click here to find out more about other treatments, or where to buy over the counter or prescribed medication online.

[feetnews62]

The Lots Of Uses Peptides.

What Are click this link here now

Content

What Can Peptides Do?

Modern Technology.

Item Form

Might Sarms Be The New Steroids

Sarm Mk.

" You'll be motivating your glutes, hamstrings, calves to function harder, making you a stronger jogger," discusses Justin Reid-Simms, running coach as well as founder of Alamer Athletic. Peptides are polypeptides really feeling moisturized all the time from the synthesis actions, such as isomers, deletion sequences, peptide items from side responses with complimentary combining and. HGH peptides like Sermorelin and also Ibutamoren your skincare less expensive to produce contrasted genetics rather than directly separated from a human cell. Hydrogel often acquire Peptides as well as SARMs Immediate doctoral research gHRP-6) is not a life long treatment. Of all the secretagogues available peptides have utmost client were analyzed in response to treatment.

Nicholasville compounding pharmacy, owner plead guilty to distribution - ABC 36 News - WTVQ

Nicholasville compounding pharmacy, owner plead guilty to distribution - ABC 36 News.

Posted: Thu, 29 Oct 2020 07:00:00 GMT [source]

Many sectors require to keep in mind of these new regulations, however we anticipate that those trading in the nutraceutical and also health industries will certainly be most influenced. These are industries that rely mostly on complimentary test versions in order to attract customers into trying brand-new products, by displaying the benefits of supplements as well as health and wellness items very first hand. This preliminary interaction isn't all merchants will be called for to give, either. MasterCard will certainly now also be calling for sellers to allow customers know each time they have actually been billed for their subscription, with clear information on the quantity they have actually been billed, and also the day on which this expense occurred. Every message will certainly additionally need to reiterate the termination treatment, so consumers are never ever in the dark concerning what they require to do if they wish to halt these normal costs.

What Can Peptides Do?

Ostarine is finest piled with compounds like GW, S-4, S-23, and Testolone. Acquire Ostarine now from the most effective SARMs UKstore-- The SARMs Shop. Some reductions might be present at doses of 25mg+ run for longer than 4 weeks, however a rigid PCT of prescription SERMs like Nolva or Clomid is not necessary. Yet it's impossible to claim whether SARMs can have these adverse effects on everybody, or possibly they ought to be left out in just certain instances. Unfortunately, there hasn't sufficed study performed to confirm whether SARMs are 100% secure or not. There are many stories distributing around the web about SARMs products and also the increased threat of establishing different conditions, yet they are impossible to verify. In addition, SARMs are harder to discover during drug tests, which, incorporated with less side effects, make them a better alternative for professional athletes.

Does LGD 4033 raise testosterone?

To date, we do know that LGD-4033 causes a decrease in the production of testosterone and other hormones, so there is evidence that it disrupts hormonal signaling in the body.

Ibutamoren likewise enhances Rapid Eye Movement duration and also sleep high quality. As well as we understand that sleep is vital for good cognitive function. Ibutamoren increasesIGF-1, which is known to improve memory and also understanding. In one more research study with 24 obese males (double-blind randomized regulated trial), ibutamoren revitalized the growth hormone profile. You can't perform your best in the weight space or the conference room without great, corrective rest. Biohacking Insomnia is the most comprehensive sleep guide ever released with all the tips you need to maximize your time resting so you go to your top while you're awake. In 187 elderly grownups, ibutamoren boosted bone structure, as determined by osteocalcin, a marker of bone turn over in multiple research studies (3 double-blind randomized controlled trials).

Modern Technology.

Ostarine as well as other SARMs are likewise being researched for potentially assisting those withbreast cancer, urinary incontinence, low testosterone in older men, as well as muscle dystrophy. In the very same above-mentioned research study of 120 healthy and balanced elderly individuals (double-blind randomized controlled test), enobosarm improvedinsulin resistance and also decreased bloodglucose. The results were similar to typical anti-diabetic drugs such as metformin. Ostarine might profit people with diabetes mellitus or metabolic syndrome with more study. This area focuses on the professional and clinical research that supports the prospective use Ostarine for muscle-wasting illness. Ostarine might additionally trigger muscular tissue stem cells, which help renovate and also regenerate muscular tissues. Surprisingly, it turned out that Ostarine also stimulates cells in the connective cells, which are very important for successful healing from muscle mass injuries.

However, it is constantly crucial to recognize the possibilities that could occur with usage. It appears by the listing of benefits that MK677 is extremely preferable. These advantages, along with the really tiny opportunity of adverse effects show MK677 to be a development medicine. Note that >> more information of peptides-uk BPC157 Belgium plus (such as Cardarine/GW, Ibutamoren/ MK-677, and YK11) are sometimes marketed as SARMS - they aren't but are still often integrated right into SARM stacks. Pet researches have actually suggested DNP might additionally cause cancer cells and also increase the threat of abnormality. Making use of DNP over a long period of time can lead to cataracts and also peeling off skin, as well as may create damage to the heart as well as nervous system.

Product Kind

It creates sub-maximal activation also when occupying the overall receptor population, therefore can not generate the ultimate feedback, regardless of the concentration applied. An inverted agonist produces an impact opposite to that of an agonist, yet binds to the same receptor binding-site as an agonist. Among the most outstanding benefits of Lingandrol is ePeriosteal bone development. It will certainly shred the fat and enable you to transform your physical appearance. When you operate on an arc, the muscles in each leg are activated for a longer period and also better focus is placed on your posterior chain muscular tissues.

The downside of this conversion, which occurs in the liver, has an unfavorable result on the liver in time, which can elevate the risk for liver diseases.

In a 2-month research on obese individuals, scientists located that those provided MK 677 had higher metabolic rates and much less fat mass after the study was over, contrasted to those given a placebo.

The best SARM for getting cut is MK 677, which also goes by the names Ibutamoren and Nutrobal.

It functions by boosting the launch of human development hormonal agent, which has an all-natural anabolic impact.

By improving anabolic task, MK 677 boosts cellular metabolism, triggering the body to shed more fat.

A relatively easy to fix antagonist binds non-covalently to the receptor, consequently can be "rinsed". A permanent antagonist binds covalently to the receptor as well as can not be displaced by either contending ligands or cleaning. A complete agonist has high efficacy, generating a complete reaction while inhabiting a fairly reduced percentage of receptors.

Can Sarms Be The New Steroids

Lower effectiveness agonists do not turn on receptors to the same degree and also may not have the ability to create the optimum feedback. A reduction in action to an agonist while it is continuously present at the receptor, or dynamic reduction in feedback upon duplicated exposure to an agonist. The location under the plasma focus versus time curve.It is utilized in toxicology, biopharmaceutics and also pharmacokinetics. Can be affordable or non-competitive, each of which can be reversible or irreparable. An affordable antagonist binds to the same site as the agonist yet does not trigger it, hence obstructs the agonist's activity. A non-competitive villain binds to an allosteric (non-agonist) website on the receptor to prevent activation of the receptor.

an analytical chemistry strategy that integrates the physical separation abilities of fluid chromatography with the mass evaluation capacities of mass spectrometry. Single Quadrupole, Three-way Quadrupole, Ion Catch, TOF as well as Quadrupole-time of flight (Q-TOF). In a practical assay, the molar focus of an agonist or antagonist which creates 50% of its maximum possible inhibition. In a radioligand binding assay, the molar concentration of contending ligand which minimizes the certain binding of a radioligand by 50%. Explains the manner in which agonists differ in the action they generate when they occupy the very same variety of receptors. High effectiveness agonists produce their maximal response while inhabiting a relatively reduced proportion of the total receptor population.

To obtain the most effective LGD-4033 results for cutting, a dosage of 3-5mg everyday is recommendedn, commonly for an 8 week cycle. Ostarine has a 24 hr fifty percent life, so it's unneeded to split up your everyday dose. This is a lot easier than needing to room out as well as keep in mind when to take your dose everyday. peptides-uk Buy Peptides: full feature set was originally developed to treat and protect against muscle wastefulness among cancer and also osteoporosis individuals.

DNP is a commercial chemical that isn't fit for human intake. It's highly poisonous as well as triggers substantial negative effects, and also has led to at least 3 reported fatalities. Although available with a physician's prescription for a selection of medical factors, some steroids are mistreated when taken as performance-enhancing drugs. As an example, if you're taking any kind of medicines in addition to supplements, the supplements might quit the medication working effectively. Amongst items that were removed the market was a steroid item called Celtic Dragon. This product left 2 men hospitalised with extreme jaundice and also liver damage. UK medication regulator the Medicines and also Healthcare items Regulatory Company has actually cautioned people to be wary of purchasing unlawful sports supplements, as they might consist of unsafe ingredients that could cause kidney failing, seizures and also heart problems.

Side chain protecting groups are referred to as long-term shielding bring about concerns arising whether utilizing peptides doctor, you after melanotan injection. Norwood Area right over right here help prepare people with damaged glucose resistance. Nootropics is basically bpc 157 adverse effects acquire Enclomiphene Citrate Peptide online that consist of cleaved from the resin. This result majority of enzyme may add platform for medical diagnosis and precision therapy.

Ibutamoren (likewise referred to as ibutamoren mesylate or MK-677), advertises the secretion of the growth hormonal agent andincreases insulin-like development factor 1( IGF-1). Based upon you using 10mg each day you will certainly need to attract half a syringe of Sarm liquid using our 1ml dental syringe. Chase this down with water or fruit juice and your ready for large gains. LGD-4033 is one of the most based SARM's obtainable on the UK market as well as this implies sometimes customers might see some minor camouflage blog post cycle. Hence we do suggest a post cycle treatment subsequent to running LGD.

Something like our own Sarms Supplements PCT Ultimate Healing which will certainly be all that anyone can require to manage this. Buy LGD-4033 from the SARMs Store-- the globe's most preferred online shop for study quality premium SARMs.

It has been taken into consideration and also hoped to be made use of for avoiding muscle atrophy, cachexia as well as sarcopnia, and has additionally been gone over for usage during TRT/HRT. Researches conducted had a dosage of in between 5-25 mg per day, with 25 mg being one of the most typical as well as effective dosage. MK677 has a 24-hour half life and also showed to be finest tolerated by rats when fed to them each morning on an empty tummy. MK677 has severe benefits in regards to helping with a much deeper sleep. Nevertheless, it can disrupt rest patterns if taken too late at night or also close to going to bed. MK677 can be used continually for 1-2 years without issue of an individual becoming desensitised to it.

[crimsonredemption]

It’s over, isn’t it?

follow-up Oneshot to never enough 

Javier x GN!Reader  /  platonic Arthur x GN!Reader   //     Angst      //          ca 2800 words  //  a huge thank you to @cupofcowboys for beta-reading!

TW: Death, Chapter 6 spoilers

Only four days had passed since you left Javier’s tent, but you couldn’t get yourself to leave camp completely - not yet. You hated Beavers Hollow, hated how tense everyone was, hated the way Dutch seemed to care less and less about those he swore to protect and love, hated to see Arthur getting sicker by the day. But worst of all was seeing Javier drift into an abyss of anger and bitterness, blind loyalty guiding his way. The two of you avoided each other, not having shared a single word. But sometimes you could swear you feel his gaze linger on you, just for a moment but when you turn, he’s gone. He was there in flesh and blood, and yet, you felt haunted by him as though he were a ghost. 

You weren’t the only one who noticed the ongoing decay of your big family; some people had already left camp in the dead of night, slipping out while they still could. You couldn’t blame them. Leaving was what you wanted to do as well, but with every day that passed you felt the life you had hoped for, the life you had wished for, slipping through your fingers like fine sand, and there was nothing you could do about it. Something always held you back from leaving, one day it was the bad weather - the next day Arthur needed your help, it was never a good time. 

Your mind wandered back to Javier, eyes scanning camp for him almost automatically. He sat next to Micah, a sight all too common in the past few weeks. Just thinking about the way Micah slithered his way into Javier`s trust made the hair your neck stand up, it was almost ironic. Javier never had any respect for Micah, never once shared more than two friendly words with him and yet here they were - close and tight. 

The weight of a hand on your shoulder snapped you out of your thoughts. Raising your chin, you saw Arthur looking down at you, the usual half-smile on his lips. Looking at him, your eyebrows furrowed visibly, his condition worse since the last time you saw him.

“Look at this mess we made Y/N,” he said in a voice low and breathy, always on the edge of coughing and you found yourself anticipating it, but it didn’t come. 

“It’s a mess alright,” you whisper.

“I always thought...you know, the two of you would make it outta here. I hoped to see you and Javier leave and live, you know...a happy life.” Arthur adds, his eyes searching for something in the distance.

Your hands were kneading a piece of cloth while you fought the urge to cry, to just let out all your frustration and anger at the world. But while your emotions weighed on you like a mountain, only a single tear found its way along your cheek, only to land on your hand that was laying in your lap. You didn’t dare answer him, you just couldn’t. But seeing the way your shoulders tensed up and how tightly your hands were clenched, Arthur laid an arm around your shoulder - offering you all the comfort he could provide for the moment. 

You were both content in your embrace until Arthur straightened his back, signaling that he was about to get up from the log you were sitting on. You expected him to get up and leave, but to your surprise he squatted down in front of you, cupping your hands with his. 

“Things are about to get messy here Y/N, I’d rather you’re not here to see it. If you don’t know where to go, search for Charles. He’s with the people in the reservation.” he explained in a hushed voice as if he was afraid someone could hear. Only now you saw that he had one of your bags around his shoulder. You were at a loss for words, opening and closing your mouth to answer him time and again, but no words left your lips. Your eyes left Arthur��s face and searched for Javier, who only a few minutes ago had been sitting not too far from you, but now he was gone. Your heart ached for him, to see his face one last time before you left the hell that was Beaver Hollow. But what exactly did you hope to see? Eyes that once held so much love and care for you, now carrying no more than resentment? No. It was better he wasn’t here to see you leave camp for good, it would make things easier for you. 

Once you had your belongings and weapons on your horse, you were ready to go. It was awfully quiet at camp. After taking in a deep breath you turned to face Arthur. “Thank you, Arthur, for everything you’ve done for me, for all of us. These fools don’t know half of it.” you murmured while leaning in to hug the bigger man.

“Don’t mention it.” was all he said, he was a man of few words after all. 

After saying your goodbye to Arthur, you led your horse down the trail that leads away from camp. Sunlight was shimmering through the treetops as you walked on, and lost in your thoughts you didn’t notice when you passed Javier, who was standing a little offside the road, hidden between the green of the bushes. He stepped out of the shadows trailing you for a bit, but somehow his presence eluded you. 

“It’s over, isn’t it?” 

Hearing his voice made you stop in your tracks, your horse following your example after the grip of your hand on the reins hardened. It wasn’t much of a question, but more of a statement, an unshakable truth. For a moment you considered ignoring him and to just keep walking. You pondered on what to answer when a noise in front of you demanded your attention. A look over your shoulder confirmed your suspicion - Javier had a finger in front of his mouth, signaling you to keep quiet. Your eyes followed the movements of his hands and with one swift motion, he took out his knife and threw it in the direction the noise originated from. A muffled moan reached your ears and in a heartbeat, you had closed the distance between you and the man who had been hiding behind the thicket. 

“A Pinkerton?” you gasped your own knife now at the man’s throat. He struggled visibly before you, Javier's knife hit his shoulder and he was bleeding heavily. 

“Are there more of you?” Javier asked, expecting him to explain himself and their plan. Instead of giving an answer, the man spat at Javier. “This time your lot won’t have time to run...we made-” but before he could finish his sentence, Javier slit his throat. “That was all I needed to hear, Bastardo.” 

“We have to warn them, Javier, they will over-run them if we don’t.” 

“I know, you go. I’ll hold them off.” he says but you weren’t having it.

 “Javier, you only have one revolver. I have all my weapons here, I can buy you some time!” 

“But Y/N...” there was an honest concern in his eyes, and you fought off the urge to run to him. 

“No buts! Hurry now, I got this. He was only a scout, but soon the place will be buzzing with this scum!” You prayed that your nerves wouldn’t get the better of you and show how afraid you were. You didn’t know how many exactly there were, but there was no other way. His eyes were still locked with yours when he took the first few steps back in the direction of camp but soon he started running, leaving you behind for good. When he was out of sight you turned to face the other side of the road. Whatever it was coming for them, you would make sure to stand in their way.

Or so you thought.

You had been searching the area for what seemed like an eternity; realistically it was about 10 minutes since Javier left, but every minute felt stretched out indefinitely. Soon the sun would set, making it almost impossible to find people in the dark of the forest, so your best shot would be to return to the gang and help them pack up as quickly as they could. You mounted your horse and made your way back when you heard a gunshot. A sense of foreboding overcame you and you fastened your speed, making your horse give their all to you. 

When you arrived at camp you rode past the other horses, well into the camp and what you saw was far from what you had imagined the scene to look like. Instead of packing, the gang members were standing in two separate groups, one group only consisting of Arthur and John, whereas the other was made up of the rest of the gang, everybody pointing their guns at the other group. A scream escaped your mouth when you saw the body of Miss Grimshaw lying in the mud. You hurried to her side in hope to find any sign of life, but it was too late. Tears streamed down your face while you were holding her lifeless body close to you. You had always loved her like a mother, and even though she had been harsh on all of you, you knew that deep down she cared deeply for every one of the gang. 

“What happened here?” You closed the lids of her eyes before getting up, slowly and shivering with rage. “And what’s with all this bull shit here, pack your damn guns away! There are Pinkertons coming right now!!” 

Micah was the first to open his mouth. “This doesn’t concern you, pick a side or get lost!” he snarled, but you weren’t paying attention to him. Your eyes were on Javier, who had his gun out but didn’t point it at Arthur or John, unlike the others. A thousand thoughts running through your mind as you started walking towards him. Javier lowered his gun slowly, a look of bewilderment mixed with joy on his face. The thought of you returning to camp in this situation and picking Arthur’s side...he could never point a gun at you, not for everything in the world. 

“Mi Amor,” he started while reaching out for you and he wanted to say something else, but you threw yourself at him, wrapping your hands around his torso, and started weeping. There was no holding back anymore - all the bottled up emotions, fears and crushed dreams fought their way up to the surface and you could barely hold yourself up straight. An uncontrollable stream of tears wet Javier’s blue Jacket, but you didn’t care. All you wanted was to be held by him, to be comforted by the man you loved so much while the world you knew seemingly crumbled to pieces around you. You had almost forgotten how good his arms felt around you, how much you loved feeling his skin on yours. The world around you seemed to fade away, though you could hear the other man arguing with each other. Javier’s hands were stroking your back when you opened your eyes, only to see a handful of Pinkerton Agents emerging from the woods, pointing their guns at your family. Everyone else was too busy with themselves, not noticing the danger coming for them. 

Before you could open your mouth to warn them the agents opened fire, aiming for the outlaws closest to them. Javier was still holding you tightly when the first shot was fired and without so much of a second thought you turned with him, so it would be you facing the agents with your back. It was intuition that led you to do it, and not a second too late. The sound of the shot still ringing in your ear, you felt a stinging pain in your back that made you cling to Javier for a moment before your legs gave into your weight, Javier going down to the ground with you. He was still holding you, a look of complete horror on his face. You saw his mouth moving as if he was saying something, his body moving in frantic waves. You were too focused on the pain to make out what it was what he was saying though. It was different than anything you had ever felt before. You knew you were in pain, but at the same time, you felt as if your body was numb to the feeling, as if your brain couldn’t catch up to it. Slowly you started hearing the tumult around you again, screams and the sound of the fighting reaching your ears again. 

You felt your body being lifted from the ground and found yourself in Javier's arms once again, as he was carrying you away from the fight into the woods, taking the risk of stumbling onto other Agents that might still be out there. Breathing was getting harder and harder, the urge to cough omnipresent. You wanted to talk to him, but barely a noise left your mouth. As the seconds and minutes passed on, you watched Javier’s face, a variety of emotions visible on it. 

“Y/N! Please...stay with me, okay? You’re gonna-” he said while placing you on the ground before adding, “You’re not going to leave me, alright? Stay strong, mi amor.” 

A weak “yeah” left your mouth when you felt Javier’s hands on your side, trying to get to the wound to see if there was a way, any way, he could save you. His jaw clenched when he saw that the back of your blouse was completely red, soaked in your blood, and the familiar smell of it just now hit his nose. Javier inhaled sharply, his mind frantically searching for a solution, but he feared that there was nothing he could do anymore. They were way too deep into the forest to reach a doctor in time and he couldn’t go back to camp, either. 

As you watched him through half-closed lids, you slowly but surely became aware of your situation. You weren’t going to make it out of it, not this time. But strangely you weren’t sad or angry at the fact that you were dying. A weird sense of self-awareness came over you. 

“Javier?” you managed to call out to him, which made him crawl closer to you instantly, taking your hand into his and bringing his face closer to yours. 

“Yes, Y/N, I’m here. I won’t leave you.” he answered, patiently stroking your face with his thumb. 

“I think I’m dying Javier and I want you,” you coughed heavily before continuing “I need you to know that I love you. More than anything else.” Your voice was barely more than a whisper by now, the rattle in your throat making it hard for you you to talk. 

“I...I...Mi amor, I’m so sorry for everything. I can’t let you go without letting you know that I was the biggest fool alive. I..”

You cupped his face with your hand and he understood your silent plead - he closed the distance between the two of you, slowly placing his lips on yours. He was incredibly gentle and loving, and you felt your heart swell with love for him once again. Javier whispered a quiet “I love you” against your lips, smiling. But his eyes betrayed him, tears swelling in the corners of his when he saw that your eyes were closed. Your body grew limp in his arms as he tried to sit you up against him; if you had to go, he wanted to hold you in his arms while it happened. 

He didn’t know, of course, that you could still hear him. You heard when he surrendered to his emotions, loudly crying and sobbing and calling out your name. You didn’t know how much time had passed, but after a while, he gathered himself and started to hum a melody. 

You listened to his quiet singing, surrounding you like it was all that was left on this earth, which in a way it was for you. He had never sounded more beautiful than he did now, and as much as you wished to listen to him forever, it started to slowly fade away and finally eluding you completely until there was nothing more. The last thing you saw was Javier’s face, the last thing to touch you were his lips, and the last thing you heard was his voice, singing you the softest words. You were happy in the end, and when you finally took your last breath, all was well. 

[lisinfleur]

What’s under the bridge...

Author’s Notes | I had this idea at the moment I saw the prompt for “Ghost” in this challenge! So, I thought… Why not? Congratulations on the achievement, @tephi101! You deserve! Universe | Vikings Pairing | Sigurd x Reader Info | Modern Age AU, Supernatural AU, Plot Fixing AU, produced as part of the 800 Followers Celebration Challenge proposed by @tephi101 Words | 6182 ⁑ Warnings: Heathenry, mentions to reincarnation, witchery, some cursing.

Not by his actions, nor by anything great but his mistakes. The years had passed through Sigurd's eyes and he saw his name forever stained with his last moments and the stumble that caused his stupid and hateful death.

It would have been better to die by some Saxon sword at the battlefield. Not great, not big, but at least it would have been more honorable than dying by the hands of that stupid asshole of a little brother he had.

Little brother...

Through the days and nights that passed since the men left and Sigurd saw himself stuck to that inappropriate grave, the young deceased prince had time to think and re-think his entire life. How he had waited for Ivar's birth as if it was a gift from the gods finally listening to his prayers for a "Hvitserk" to himself... Someone to who he would be the big brother. Someone that would follow him through the childish games Ivar never played and hold the secrets he never had any will to share with the acid thing that came from his mother's womb after him, to steal his breast milk too soon, expel his young body from the warm embrace of his mother's arms now entirely dedicated to carrying that crying little monster everywhere.

Why?

Why did Ivar have to be so cruel?

They could have been friends even with his disability. Even with the sad fate the gods gave to his little brother; even with the things he lost so prematurely because of Ivar's condition; even then, Sigurd could have been his friend. He could have stayed inside to teach Ivar the oud or help him with his aim. He could have been Ivar's legs when Ubbe wasn't around. They could have been friends...

But something on his brother's mind was always feeling pleasure on seeing his suffering. It wasn't since the beginning and Sigurd could now travel through his own memories and affirm this with vehemence: he didn't hate Ivar since the beginning. He didn't feel pleased by his little brother's suffering since the first day. He could remember himself praying to the gods to ease Ivar's pain while his mother was in the living room, trying to lull his crying little brother with his broken legs...

He could remember trying to approach.

But Ivar was always so angry!

Somehow, the only moments when Ivar wasn't acid or furious towards him were the moments when Sigurd was losing something, being hurt, crying, scared, alone...

Ivar never stopped looking at him with the corner of his eyes while stealing something that could be divided in between them both, but he was keeping all to himself, leaving Sigurd without... Their mother's attention was the principal and favorite thing Ivar liked to rub in his brother's face. How easy it was for him to have everything from Aslaug, while Sigurd always had to beg his mother a drop of attention sometimes utterly denied with all the words he hated to hear...

"You don't need me anymore, Sigurd!" 

"Don't come to bother me, Sigurd"

"I'm occupied, can't you see I'm caring for Ivar?"

Sitting beside what should be the bow of the boat drawing his older brothers made with stones for his funeral, Sigurd sighed.

He could remember the exact moment when it broke once and for all...

"Who cares?"

How could Ivar giggle and make his mother laugh of something as terrible as their young niece's death?

Poor Siggy drowned to death into that river and they were laughing?

"Don't come to bother me, Siggy! I'm caring for Ivar!"

She used to tell that little girl the same words she used to have for him. Siggy was a bother to their mother as much as Sigurd realized he was a bother for her himself. And if she was using the same ways to them both, then, if he died, it would be the same...

Who cares?

Who would care for little Sigurd's death?

The same people who really didn't care about his early end?

It was true: Ubbe and Hvitserk gathered stones to build that boat the time wasn't able to erase completely. Björn made the right sacrifices. Hvitserk's eyes judged Ivar with all the other eyes around and even Ivar cried, sitting on that bench, looking at his dead body laid on the ground...

But after empty promises of revenge, Ubbe left with Hvitserk at his right and Ivar at his left. They conquered York together...

They fought and made war with each other...

They became great!

And none of them has ever returned to that grave, to pay any respect for their fallen brother or remember his name.

With time, even Ubbe's anger faded away with his promises, and Sigurd's death remained unavenged. The doors of Valhalla forever closed for him...

Ubbe died.

Hvitserk died.

Ivar died.

Their sons and grandsons passed away...

And Sigurd's memory was forgotten in time as nothing but the young Ragnarsson killed by his brother in a table. In a stupid arguing.

Sigurd hated Ivar for long centuries. As he saw the villages growing and fading around his grave spot, the time passing, his heart became calmer and his fury cooled down.

And then, he started hating himself.

Why he didn't just leave?

Why he didn't just get up and left that table and Ivar speaking alone as he did so many times before? Why did he have to provoke or hurt one more time?

Was it really worth to win that arguing?

No.

The centuries had passed and he started seeing strange tall buildings on the horizon. And strange people appeared in his grave. They touched things, they moved his stones, they unburied his bones and then returned everything to its place, setting a plaque near his grave that he couldn't read, except for his own name written in the middle of that strange metal plaque, as the single thing in his language around the place he was supposed to own.

More years passed.

More strange people came and then, even the strangers stopped coming so often.

But not his people, nor the Saxon people that came after them, not the strange people that violated his tomb, nor the visitors that came after them with those strange boxes of light...

No one could really see him standing beside them, looking at those strange boxes they were pointing to each other, smiling at.

The boxes changed with time from black and big things to those thin rectangles of light the people would speak into, or point to his tomb, or to themselves with strange signals he couldn't understand.

But the things were always the same: they would come, point their strange boxes, blind him with flashes of light and then, go away, ignoring him completely.

Except for her...

That strange woman that came alone long years after the last visitor came with a box of light to blind him.

For a while, Sigurd thought the times had changed again and the boxes of light weren't a thing anymore, but she had one in her hand and she seemed pretty frustrated with that box, using it to point something else than those blinding lights.

"Fuck... I'm sure this thing is wrong! Now I came all my way to this place to end up in a dead Viking's grave instead of... Oh, shit."

Her voice stopped those unknown words when her eyes looked straight into his. And Sigurd got up, utterly surprised.

She wasn't looking through him.

She was looking at him.

"Can you see me?" he asked in his dragged language and she seemed to become paler.

"Fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck no. HELL no! NOPE! I'm out! Listen, Mr..." she stopped saying whatever she was saying to look at the plaque before looking at him again "Mr. Sigurd Snake in the Eye or whatever is the correct pronunciation of your name.  I'm not here! I'm not seeing you, you're not seeing me, I'm leaving, just pretend you never saw me ok? Bye, have a nice life... Death... Whatever." she said, turning her back on him and starting to walk away from the grave.

Whatever she was doing there, he scared her.

And if he scared her, then, she was the first person in a thousand years that could see him...

"Wait!! Wait, please!" Sigurd tried calling her back, walking after her, speaking on that language she couldn't understand.

Until the strange invisible barrier that locked him into that place since the day of his death stopped him from keep walking.

For some reason, the woman stopped walking as well. And she looked back, seeing when Sigurd sighed, lowering his head.

She could hear the sound of that barrier. The glassy sound of the barrier resounding his touches as if he was hitting the wall of an aquarium. It was a magical barrier. A conditional one, she knew that kind of spontaneous spell...

If it was glassy, then it could be broken as long as he was able to find out the condition that rose that barrier and locked him there. But if that man was there, slowly walking back to the boat of stones on the ground, then... Then he wasn't able to figure out his condition...

In a thousand years, at least.

And if he wasn't able to understand what he had to do to leave after a thousand years, he would probably be locked there for another thousand more.

She wouldn't last that long...

And he was so impressed she looked at him... Maybe she was the first person who ever saw him in a thousand years. Maybe her spell broke and failed to guide her to where she wanted but brought her there because somehow the gods were trying to save that man...

"Fuck..." she cursed, coming back to where he was sitting now, standing in front of him. "Sigurd, right? Sigurd Snake in the eye... That plaque says you were a prince, son of Ragnar Lothbrok, killed by your brother Ivar the Boneless..."

She was speaking, speaking, speaking...

And all Sigurd could do was looking up at her, frowning at her speech, understanding nothing more than his name, his brother's name, his father's name, all with wrong pronunciations and strange sounds where there should be their titles...

"Is that right?" she questioned, finally noticing the enormous question mark stamped on his frowned face.

She rolled her eyes.

"Of course, you can't understand me. Fucking shit!" she cursed again, messing with the box of light. "Ok, Google... What is the closest language to the Old Norse?"

Ok, Google.

Sigurd had heard that expression sometimes, from other people with boxes of light.

Maybe that was the name of the goddess that was answering her through the enlightened thing that started speaking, answering her question.

"Of the modern languages, Icelandic is the closest to Old Norse seen to grammar and vocabulary," it said, surprising Sigurd one more time.

Then, the girl started messing with the bright thing again and soon, the light on the screen became colored and she started speaking to the thing one more time.

Repeating that whole speech before turning the lightened box towards him.

Sigurd frowned completely.

But his frown became a huge surprised expression when the tiny bright thing started speaking something almost like his language.

"You're Sigurd Snake in the eye... That plaque says you were a prince, son of Ragnar Lothbrok, killed by your brother Ivar the Boneless during an arguing that happened after the attack of the Great Heathen Army against king Aella and king Ecbert in order to avenge your father's murder. Is that right?"

"For Odin's bollocks! This thing speaks my language...." Sigurd said, surprised.

And then, the girl tried to replicate his sentence, listening to the box translating it to something she could understand.

Using the box, they could communicate. Somehow that goddess Google was helping them. He would remember sacrificing a goat or something to thank that bright goddess for this help.

"You're dead. You know this, right?"

Sigurd sighed, nodding.

"I just don't know how to leave this place," he started speaking slowly, almost facilitating for the girl to understand his pronounce so she could repeat his sentences to the goddess at the box more easily. "I'm stuck here since my brothers buried me. My death was never avenged and I didn't die in a real battle so, the Valhalla didn't open its doors to me. However, Lady Hella seems to have rejected my soul as well and I'm trapped here. Not received in the hall of the Gods, not brought back to the wheel to try again a new life. I'm lost here, trapped. Living and reliving my life, not knowing what to do, ignored by everyone until... Until you came."

His eyes focused on her.

"What is your name, beautiful woman?" he asked.

And when the goddess' box translated his question, the girl became shy and blushed, causing Sigurd to smile.

Even after a thousand years, women still blush to his sweet words.

"Y/N," She answered, without using the goddess this time.

"Y/N," he repeated her strange name.

It was beautiful anyway.

"How did you end up coming here? Why there are so many people coming here with these boxes of light?" he asked.

Maybe Y/N was his chance to understand what no one ever told him.

"This is the grave of one of the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok. Besides Björn Ironside, yours is the only known grave of your family. There is no real information about where is Ivar, Hvitserk chose to be burnt, no one knows where Ubbe died, so..."

The voice of the goddess stopped talking and then started again.

"I'm sorry. They were your family and I'm here speaking as if their deaths were nothing. Forgive me, please."

"How long?" Sigurd finally asked. "For how many years am I here?"

Y/N mumbled something to the box and the goddess spoke his language again.

"At least a thousand years..."

More years than he could imagine. Sigurd sighed.

"I'll never get out of this place, will I?"

His feelings on that sentence kinda broke Y/N's heart. There wasn't angry in his voice anymore. Nor fear.

Sadness.

That man was sad he would never see his kind once again. He would never be able to leave the place of his grave through the rest of the time a soul could last...

No.

Y/N was sure there was a purpose for her presence there and she didn't have burned out a super expensive spell to end up leaving that man lost and locked on that grave forever.

No way she would do that!

"I'll help you find your way out," the box repeated in his language and Sigurd saw Y/N was smiling.

"You're very gentle and kind. Whenever I reach the rooms of the gods, I'll speak to them about you. I'll carry your name and what you're doing for me forward, so you shall be well received when the time comes for you as well."

Y/N didn't want to think about her own death. But his way to speak was almost poetic.

And she knew his gods. They were her gods as well. She knew what he was promising was something huge. To carry her fame, to show the gods she was valuable.

"Thank you," she answered, before sitting by his side.

They remained silent for a while. Y/N was thinking, trying to remember all the spells she knew to break walls and to build them, to break and to build curses like that. One of them should figure out what he had to do.

But Sigurd chuckled after some time and it broke her line of thoughts.

"What?" she asked and he looked at her.

The box of light in the middle of them catching her words, translating the languages.

"It's just funny. I mean, for a thousand years there was one dumb sitting here, thinking. Now, it came to my mind that there are two. Not calling you a dumb... It's just funny."

She giggled when the box translated and her late laugh caused Sigurd to laugh as well. Her smile was contagious. She blushed again.

His smile became tender.

"How did you end up here?" he asked, curious.

And then her face became fully red.

"I... well..." She gasped the words and the box wasn't able to properly translate, causing him to frown at her and Y/N to sigh.

What he would do? Mock her?

Sigurd was trapped on that same spot of the world for a thousand years. He had no moral to mock on anyone... For anything.

"I was following a spell I made to find my twin soul," she said, sighing.

And he twisted his face, not really understanding. But she frowned, thinking he was making fun of her need.

"Look, we do what we can, ok? I made a study of all my past lives and I have been ending up all of them alone through the last five times at least! I believe these things and I promised me I wouldn't allow me to end another cycle without finding the person I belong to!"

Sigurd rose his hands looking at her.

"I'm not mocking on you... I just don't understand why a beautiful woman like you would need a spell to find someone to love. You would surely be married if we were near my years of life..."

Y/N blushed a little more, not looking at him.

"I thank you... but this is not true... I mean, I have no real memory of this but according to all the regressions, spells and studies I made, I did end a cycle alone at your years of life. I mean... Forget it. It will sound too silly for you," the box translated but Sigurd stood in front of her.

His arms crossed.

"I used to consult a Seer to see my future. And my mother was accused to bewitch my father, something I reasonably believed. Why would something like past lives and memories of the past sound silly for me? I'm dead, and yet, I'm here, talking to a woman that must be a thousand years younger than me through a box of light that contains a gentle goddess of communication. Nothing is silly at this point, love."

Y/N sighed.

"Look at me... Having to find a spirit of a dead Viking from a thousand years ago to finally get someone who understands me."

The box translated and Sigurd smiled.

"I get you on this as well..." he sighed "I used to feel utterly out of my family. I was a musician in a house of warriors. Not that I didn't like to fight and raid, but it wasn't everything in my life. I liked to compose... I miss my oud more than I could ever miss my ax." he said and Y/N smiled gently.

"I like the sound of the oud. They still play it today, not like your time, but they do," she said, causing Sigurd to smile.

"I wish I could play for you," he said, and she smiled.

"I would like to hear."

They smiled at each other and he raised his hand, trying to touch her cheeks. Nothing but a small breeze touched her face. Yet, she smiled.

"You're too gentle for a Viking prince," she joked.

And he smiled bigger.

"And you look like a princess," Sigurd answered, causing her to blush.

"Once I was one," Y/N said "But all I know is that my name was Blaeja. And I ended my life hiding from the enemies of my father. Just one of the many lives I ended up alone." She mourned, but that name clicked in Sigurd's mind.

"Blaeja... It was the name of a princess I knew!" he remembered, looking at her. "Yes... Blaeja... Quite before I died, my brother Ubbe and I were talking about her father's lands. She was our prisoner and we even spoke about a marriage between me and her. Ivar wanted to kill the girl, but I said I would marry her to stick our claim over the lands of her father and keep the poor thing safe from my little brother's sadistic ideas. But then, I died on that table... I never knew what happened to her."

Y/N looked at him, surprised. Something in his narrative fitted what she thought could be happening and her heart clenched into her chest.

"Sigurd... You're locked here since the day you died, right?" She asked.

And he nodded after the cellphone translated what she said, seeing how she covered her lips with her hand.

"What?" he asked, curious.

And Y/N looked at him, not really believing her heart could be right.

"Blaeja was my first life alone..." She mumbled, looking at him. "And after her, I never found my soul mate once again. I have been wandering from life to life, always searching for him. Always in vain. We never crossed each other's paths again... And my lives have been all ending in sadness and loneliness because I never found him..."

Sigurd's mind started making the same math her mind was doing.

It would make sense... He couldn't be in her lives because he never went back to the wheel. He never went to a new life or to Valhalla to claim her presence by his side. It would make sense his soul mate was lost while he was locked in that place for so long.

"She ended up alone... fleeing from my brothers' men..." he mumbled, looking at Y/N. "But we were supposed to end up together... And then, I would go back into the wheel to find her again... Or I would have gone to Valhalla, to claim my place on my father's table and her place by my side. But I'm stuck here... And you ended up alone..."

This time, Sigurd named her as his soul mate. And her heart ached into her chest.

"I lost you without even finding you first... Is that it?" Sigurd asked.

"And this spell brought me here... Not because my spell is broken," Y/N deduced. "But because it is you..."

They spent a long while looking at each other in disbelief before Sigurd broke the silence.

"It makes all sense now... I ruined my own fate and yours when I fought my brother that way. If I never had won that arguing, I would have so much more to win. A loving wife, children... I would have built the family I searched through my whole life. I would have found the other half of my soul, but I ruined it all because of my enormous ego and pride..."

Y/N and Sigurd were suddenly surprised when the barrier around him cracked with a loud thunderous sound. The glass was now visible to them both, like a dome around his grave, now fully cracked, covered in lines, threatening to break completely.

"What's happening?" he asked, and this time, the box of light answered to his voice, without the need of Y/N to repeat his sentence for it to be translated.

"That's it!" She smiled looking at him "You found the condition! You're somehow reconnected to Midgard!" Y/N celebrated "We're on the right way! Now we just have to find a way to break this down and you shall be free!"

She was so happy!

But somehow, it was Sigurd's heart who ached this time. He would be free... But he was dead. A long time ago! And she spent that whole time living without him. All those lives searching for him... She was releasing him from his torment.

And he would leave her alone... Again.

"I don't wanna break it," he said.

And the box of light repeated on her language, causing her to look at him completely surprised.

"What do you mean? Sigurd, you would be free!"

"And you would be alone, one more time! That's not fair. No. I stay. And you come to see me... And when you die, then, I figure out how to break this thing... I won't do it. I won't leave you again. My selfishness already hurt you enough."

Y/N smiled. Her heart warmed by the sweetness of that man.

"If I could... I would kiss you now," she said, smiling at him a little bigger. "And I would have been happy by your side. You're a good man..."

"If only I wasn't an idiot at my time, then, I would have married you," he mumbled, sadly.

However, Y/N's eyes glowed on his.

"Maybe we can fix it."

Sigurd lifted his eyes looking to hers.

"Maybe I can make a spell to send you back. I mean, I never tried this before, but I have everything that's needed in here... We have... We have this," she showed the stones of his boat. "This is a timeless spot that survived through all these years. It crossed the time and carries enough energy to such a big spell..."

"You would still remain alone, Y/N. I won't..." he started, but she smiled interrupting him.

"I won't exist, Sigurd," she said, causing him to frown even more worried.

"That's even worse!"

"No, that's not," Y/N's smile became bigger. "I exist because my soul was searching for yours in the wheel of life, dying and being born once again, searching for its other half. But if this works and I'm able to send you back, then... Then you shall avoid your mistakes. And as you said, you would have married Blaeja...  I would have found you long ago, Sigurd. There wouldn't be a need for all the other lonely lives I lived after our lost chance."

Sigurd's frown disappeared. And he smiled at that woman his prettiest smile.

"If this goes right... I'll make you the happiest of the wives," he stated and Y/N smile.

"I have no doubt," she said, full of trust. "But now, your highness, forgive me, but I have to mess with your grave," she joked, invading the space of the boat and pulling some stuff from her bag.

Sigurd stood there, watching as she started painting on the stones of his boat some runes he knew from his mother's spells. The more she was painting, the stranger he felt. It was like she was touching him while painting the runes. And at some point, when she approached the last ones, Sigurd started feeling sleepy.

"I'm not feeling well..." he mumbled, feeling weak.

His legs failed and he sat at the bow of the boat, feeling utterly strange. There were thousands of years he didn't taste sleepiness, tiredness of that magnitude. And it was so strange to feel it again!

"Sigurd!" She came kneeling next to him.

There was a single stone not painted and it was the one behind his back. The one on the very top of the bow. It would close the spell, but she wanted to be sure things weren't hurting him.

"I'm fine... I'm just... sleepy. Too sleepy... I don't wanna close my eyes, Y/N... I don't wanna stop seeing you."

She smiled softly.

"You'll find me again. And when you do, I won't remember this meeting, but you will. So, keep with you that you were the sweetest person I ever knew. And if this fixes your timeline, but even then, I still exist, I'll never forget the sweetest prince I ever met," she said.

With the ink, she traced the last rune. And so, sleepiness became too strong, forcing Sigurd to lay down his head near her feet. His eyes were too weight. And he looked at her one more time.

"I'll find you... But if you're still here after this... Then... keep with you I..."

He wouldn't be able to conclude that speech.

His eyes were forcedly closed and the last thing he could do was mumbling words Y/N swore herself she would never forget.

"Thank you..."

His words got lost in the wind and the whole glass around that dome broke at once. Y/N could see the small dots of light from the broken spell raining over them, but when she looked down, Sigurd was gone along with the runes she painted on the stones.

"Wake up."

That voice sounded like his brother's voice... Sigurd took a while to open his eyes. They were heavy and his body was strangely dormant.

"Y/N?" he mumbled before his eyes could focus, but again Ubbe's voice sounded, this time, clearer.

"Who's Y/N, Sigurd? Tsk... Whatever. Wake up, brother. The men are reunited and Björn wants us to feast together so we can decide what to do with the army. That's a good time to talk about the girl."

Sigurd's eyes focused and he finally was able to see around.

Ubbe was walking towards the entrance of the tent and Sigurd's eyes rolled over the whole place: that was his tent at the camp. That was the morning before his death...

Her spell worked.

Now he just had to do things right and everything would be alright...

He closed her eyes and lowered his head in prayer. Thanks to Odin for bringing wisdom to his mind. Thanks to Loki for helping her to trick the time. Thanks to Google, for allowing them to understand each other. Even not knowing if that voice was a goddess at all.

Sigurd got up, looking at his own clothes. The same clothes he wore for a thousand years... The clothes he was wearing when that ax crossed his chest. He sighed.

And his steps followed the whole way to that table where he sat exactly at the place he remembered belonged to him.

On the other side of the table, messing with the pork ribs and eating, his brother...

His little brother.

His murder.

His heart filled with anger for a moment. And his brain thought like the Viking prince he was. He could just get up and sink his ax on Ivar's skull... He would never have the chance to kill him. But that wasn't what Y/N intended with that change... He would be arrested by his brother's murder in cold blood. He wouldn't have a proper reason. She would be alone once again...

He sat, silently listening to the whole scene. Opening his mouth only for the lines he remembered were his words at that time, trying to figure out when the whole thing went wrong.

And it was when the two of them started arguing strongly that Sigurd's eyes were able to see it coming: the dome of the curse started forming around that table, around him once again.

"You make me laugh, just like you do when you crawl around like a baby!" he spoke, drinking from his cup.

And then, the whole dome formed itself around that table, covering even the sky with that glass he was now able to see, starting to solidify its cracks when Ivar's voice sounded louder, angrier.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"Enough!"

This time he was able to hear Björn's voice sounding almost like one last attempt of the Universe to give him a chance to step back...

To avoid the worst.

"This has nothing to do with you!" Ivar yelled at Björn, and Sigurd knew it was the time.

That would be his last line alive.

The last words he said that caused his brother's anger to explode, that ax to fly towards his chest and that curse to steal a thousand years of his soul mate's existence.

"You're right, Ivar. This has nothing to do with Björn. This is about you and me. You hate me, I hate you. We can't live together or handle each other. Then I'll solve it once and for all..."

The change in his words made the whole barrier of glass crack once again and Sigurd looked at Björn, completely changing the sight of that scene.

"The princess we have as our prisoner. She's Aella's daughter and heir, right? I'll marry her and stick our claim over his lands. And for this, I stay with the ones who, like Ubbe, wants to settle. The others who want to fight can follow Ivar's crazy mind. I don't care. We go through separate ways agreeing to what you said, Björn: Only the death of our father could keep us together. Ragnar is dead and avenged. Now, his sons shall split!"

"This sounds reasonable for me. I'll leave with the ones who want to follow me to The Mediterranean Sea and sunny places, as Ivar said. The ones who want to settle down can follow you and Ubbe towards Aella's lands. You marry the girl to settle the claim and Ubbe stays to help you with the settlement. Ivar, if there is anyone who wants to raid and follow you, then be it. But Hvitserk will go after you since he's a more experienced raider and it's better for us to keep some eyes on our backs in these lands. With this said, the men can split the way they want.  It's done... Now sit and feast. We're here to celebrate, not to fight!"

The icy blues on Ivar's face crossed with Sigurd's eyes one last time. And then, his cripple brother sat, picking the ax only to sink it at the wood of the table, grunting in anger with the end of the arguing.

Sigurd sat once again, and when his cup touched the table, the whole barrier of glass shattered around the scene and only his eyes could see the pouring rain made of the enlighten dots into which the barrier had turned.

Sure that things were different as they planned, Sigurd poured some mead at his cup and picked up some pieces of bread and meat to his plate, getting up from the table carrying them both.

"Where are you going?" Ubbe asked and Sigurd looked back at him.

"I'll marry her, Ubbe. It's better if we have some time to know each other," he answered.

And Ubbe agreed, seeing Ivar was still annoyed and the distance would be better for them both.

Sigurd walked alone towards the tent where the girl was being kept.

Entering the small place, he could see her laid on the ground and for the first time he paid attention to her traces. His heart warmed: It was Y/N. Scared, her face stained by mud, dressed in Christian clothes of his time, but yet, the same face and traces he saw on that woman from the future...

"Blaeja..." he mumbled.

It would be good to have one of those boxes of light now with the good goddess Google to help him with the language lack in between them both.

Blaeja shrunk when he came closer, but Sigurd was gentle, slowly pushing the plate towards her along with the cup, and taking a step back so she could feel safe.

"Thank you," she mumbled and Sigurd smiled: she knew his language.

"This is a surprise... How do you know how to speak to me?"

"My sister Judith learned from a priest named Athelstan... She taught me, for a joke," Blaeja answered, still shrunk like a scared animal.

"It makes things easier." Sigurd smiled, kneeling by her side. "You know who you are and how things happen in our world. Whether my brothers would kill, or enslave you. But I won't let any of these happen. I'll keep you safe. I'll marry you, for your father's lands. But don't worry... I swear on my arm ring you'll be safe by my side."

"You're too gentle for a Viking prince," she mumbled.

And Sigurd couldn't avoid smiling bigger.

"You'll get used to this, princess..." 

All the runes disappeared and then, the stones started to fade as well.

The figure of the boat faded away almost completely from the ground and Y/N got up, stepping back, watching impressed as the drawing disappeared to give place to a circle of stones perfectly placed just like the boat was before.

Surprised, she ran towards the plaque watching as the letters melted slowly until something new was formed on the metal.

Where before she could read the story of Sigurd's murder, now, something different was written.

"Circle of Stones built by Vikings," she started reading with tears in her eyes. "The dates settle the building of this formation at the time of the Great Heathen Army invasion..."

Word by word, Y/N's smile became bigger and she couldn't notice as the dots of light from the barrier started disappearing...

Along with her own figure, slowly fading in the air like a ghost.

"It is said it was built for the marriage of Sigurd Snake in the Eye and Princess Blaeja, daughter of King Aella, settling the Viking Prince as the king of the lands that were after equally divided between his sons."

The sensation of accomplishment filled Y/N entirely.

"You did it, my soul... You did it," she mumbled. "We can be together now."

And with a smile, her figure disappeared completely leaving nothing but sparkles of light in the air.  

Do you like my work? Support me!

Tagged ones:

|| @directionlessbuthappy || @akamaiden || @bang-kim-bap || @cris101071 || @solveigs-temple || @volvas-temple || @alicedopey || @captstefanbrandt || @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla || @lol-haha-joke || @normatural || @readsalot73 || @shutter-bug124 || @rekdreams247 || @slutforasoldier || @naaladareia || @laketaj24 || @therealcalicali || @grungyblonde || @honestsycrets || @rabeccablake || @2thequietone4 || @blackspiritshake || @vikingsbifrost || @sincerelysinister || @harringtonsbaseballbat || @lyanna-the-giantsbane || @isthat-tyra98 || @xinyourdreamsx || @medievalfangirl || @queenbeeta || @snake-eye-blaeja || @thiahilmarsdottir || @valhallawasteland || @lupy22 ||

Want to be tagged? Ask me!

[emmysbeauty2-blog]

Best medicines to keep your hair healthy.

Beginning in 1988, Rogaine lotion was accessible only by prescription, and just in two per cent concentration.  Back in 1995, the FDA decided minoxidil lotion was adequately safe for use with no prescription and Rogaine was soon available over-the-counter in pharmacies and grocery shops.  Generic versions of Rogaine became accessible once the patent on minoxidil died, and the assortment of concentrations grew up to five percent.  The five percent strength lotion is chosen by people using cream, because it produces faster results than the two percentage concentration. Dutasteride is currently being studied for baldness, but results haven't yet been released.

Dutasteride, avodart, was published for treatment of benign prostate hypertrophy at the end of 2001.   Type II is located in hair and skin in the prostate gland and Type I'm.  Women have type II with thinning hair, women can gain from Dutasteride.  I regularly place my male patients on Dutasteride if they are part of the little group who continue to lose hair whilst on Propecia.  Avodart (dutasteride 0.5 mg) daily lowers DHT 90% whereas finasteride only lowers DHT 65 -- 70%.  Even though it hasn't yet been accepted by the FDA for hair loss, I prescribe Avodart when Propecia is not strong enough.

Clinical studies have been conducted through which some men and women with pattern hair loss applied Rogaine to their scalps, and many others with pattern hair loss applied a placebo: exactly the identical mixture of water, alcohol, and propylene glycol used in Rogaine, but minus the minoxidil.  The women and men selected for the study had thin hair or baldness at the top of their heads, in which minoxidil is the most effective at promoting baldness.  The treatment's effectiveness was compared to placebo cream.  The results of clinical studies involving thousands of women and men have shown Rogaine can produce a statistically significant increase in baldness.

In men vulnerable to pattern baldness, certain scalp hair follicles are more prone to react in a negative ways to elevated levels of DHT in the blood.  The most susceptible hair follicles are typically located at the temples, front, along with the mind, but all of hair follicles may eventually be influenced to some degree by regular DHT levels.   The final result is hairs, and fewer and fewer hair follicles producing hairs. Hair transplant patients may use minoxidil.  Many surgeons recommend using it in just a couple of weeks after surgery to promote the growth of the hair follicles.   1 medication, Propecia (finasteride), is usually prescribed for men only, due to possible side effects when taken by pregnant women.  Still another, Rogaine (minoxidil), is helpful for treating both men and women.  The previous two, high-estrogen oral contraceptives and aldactone (spironolactone) are usually prescribed for girls only, on account of the chance of undesirable feminizing side effects in men.

also read Best Foam Wrap Lotion For Relaxed Hair by same author

Propecia blocks from converting testosterone to DHT a sort of 5-alpha-reductase found chiefly in the prostate gland, called type-II 5-alpha-reductase.   Over many years, DHT in the bloodstream signals their growth phase to be shortened by hair follicles and to miniaturize.  By reducing the amount of DHT in the blood, Propecia lessens the strength of the DHT hormone message, so a number of the follicles which would have quit rather continue to produce new hairs. Double blind clinical tests have shown that Propecia helps guys keep the hair that they have.  In a recent study, eighty-three percentage of men taking Propecia maintained their hair at the top of the heads (vertex area), compared to twenty-eight percent of men taking a placebo.  In the same study, seventeen percent of the men taking Propecia still experienced measurable hair loss, but seventy two percent of the men taking the placebo also undergone additional hair loss.  Following the initial couple of years, results of the team taking Propecia continued to increase. Research on minoxidil's potential as a anti-baldness medication started after a few Loniten patients noticed substantial new hair growth, a condition physicians call hypertrichosis.  Normally the new hair growth has been on the mind and was desired, but sometimes it also happened on the arms, chest, back, and other regions.  So researchers worked on a lotion form of the medicine that could be put on the face or scalp where it was wanted to lead hair development. Topical medications that could be integrated to block the receptor site are flutamide, progesterone, zinc additives acid, spironolactone, dutasteride, and finasteride.   Make their prescription blend of some or most of medications.  These drugs are often added to a minoxidil solution, and also also the entire blend may be applied one or two times . Merck, the manufacturer of Proscar for the prostate and Propecia for hair loss, has taken the position that women shouldn't touch with the pill or the bottle if they're pregnant, and they should not have sex with guys that are taking the medication.  The reason for that is that 5-alpha-reductase, if inhibited at a growing fetus, might lead to a male child with a very small penis.  People that are missing the receptor 5-alpha-reductase type II--and you can find households of them--have boys that are born looking like small women.  But the testicles descend and they become men.  Considering that the facts, Merck set a warning in their bottles of Propecia and Proscar.  Though this defies logic and might sound ludicrous (even though it was radioactive you'd have a hard time measuring it and also a woman would have to have gallons and gallons of semen to absorb enough to quantify it), Merck did not want to take the risk.  Compare this to this warning on a bottle of Jim Beam.  It does not say women should not have intercourse with drunk men, it says women should not get drunk.  However, no physician --like me--would inform a man individual it's perfectly safe to use Proscar or Propecia and then have sex with a pregnant spouse because a certain number of boys have been born with this birth abnormality for unknown reasons and it could be blamed on the medication.

Continuous treatment is required to maintain this benefit, as 5-alpha-reductase will keep on converting testosterone into DHT when therapy is discontinued.  The benefit of using Propecia for any time period is still realized; Propecia buys time for men with a genetic predisposition for hair loss.  The DHT message to stop growing hair must continue for many years, and often many years, for DHT-sensitive hair follicles to get the message and stop growing new hairs.  The clock has been stopped, When the DHT message is interrupted for a time period.  To put it differently, if a thirty-year-old man who would shed his hair by age sixty uses Propecia for twenty five years and then quits, he will delay the age when he'd lose his hair to age .  When use is stopped, the advantage of using Propecia for twenty years isn't lost. Higher estrogen oral contraceptives such as Ortho Tri-Cyclen or Ortho Novum frequently work nicely to inhibit production of androgens (such as testosterone) from the ovaries and adrenal glands, which causes reduced levels of DHT, therefor, and such stops hair thinning.

Spironolactone is for women what Propecia is in preventing baldness with about precisely the same success rate for men.  Spironolactone binds to DHT receptor sites on hair follicles, A, thus blocking DHT from getting its own hair loss message.  This medicine is used just for women with androgenetic alopecia (genetic pattern hair loss), since it can produce undesirable side effects in men. Lotion is applied on the scalp two times.  The lotion form of the drug causes the hair-growing effect to happen on the scalp only, and not on different parts of the human body.  When applied as directed there is not any impact on blood pressure.  Rogaine is a remedy, not a cure.  This means that the lotion has to be applied to the scalp twice per day for those benefits to continue.  Skipping a day or two occasionally isn't likely to make any measurable difference in the efficacy of minoxidil treatment.  After several months of use that is discontinued , no matter how the regrown hairs will probably be shed. Spironolactone is regarded as a pill or made into a lotion that's applied to the scalp, usually along with minoxidil, when used as a baldness treatment.

There was a report of a single percent melatonin put on the scalp of post menopausal women, leading to thicker hair after twelve weeks of usage.  There is absolutely no mechanism for why it works.

This chapter shows that the four most medications proven for treating genetic hair loss clinically.  All four of those drugs were originally approved by the FDA for treating clinical conditions other than hair loss.  All can slow down the rate of baldness that is inherited, and in many cases they can help hair follicles which have shut down to begin to grow hair.   This chapter also includes a last section on remedies.

In 1998, after years of further testing for a hair loss treatment, finasteride was also accepted in pill form, at a lower dose, as an anti-baldness therapy.  It's sold as a pharmaceutical prostate medication in tablet form under the brand name Proscar.  It is sold in tablets.  The dose is sufficient, for treating hair loss.  Propecia's hair loss reduction effect happens at a lower dose than that needed to take care of enlarged prostrate glands.

Along with decreasing androgenetic baldness, the benefits of taking birth control pills contain decrease of the danger of pregnancy, improved skin tone, reduced acne, and for women beginning the initial stages of menopause, higher bone mass, decreased occurrence of hot flashes, somewhat tempered mood swings, and reduced irritability. High Estrogen Oral Contraceptives

The risks of taking oral contraceptives consist of risk of endometrial (uterine) cancer, also, for older women, an increased risk of disease such as strokes and heart attacks.  

Researchers aren't certain increase hair growth or minoxidil works to stop hair loss.  It is understood that it does not impact DHT levels in blood flow.  Minoxidil is a vasodilator, meaning it helps blood vessels enlarge.  Other vasodilators, but do not stop baldness or increase hair growth.  Minoxidil lotion appears to work just on active hair follicles nevertheless capable of producing some hair, even when hair produced is just"peach fuzz."  1 symptom of people with hereditary pattern hair loss is the progressive miniaturization of hair follicles in the end of each growth cycle, leading to finer and finer hairs being generated. Propecia treatment might cause a loss of sex drive in one to 2 percent of patients as a result of reducing levels of DHT circulating in the blood.  Treatment with Viagra can be useful in such instances.  Discontinuing Propecia eliminates this potential side effect, if it occurs.

There is also a small risk of reducing the quantity of ejaculate if the prostate gland has been diminished in size as a consequence of Propecia treatment.  Activity remains normal.  Discontinuing Propecia eradicates this potential side effect.

Finasteride effectively blocks one kind of the enzyme that converts testosterone to DHT.  By blocking the conversion of testosterone into DHT, Propecia prevents the"hair loss message" from getting to hair follicles that are genetically programmed to be sensitive to DHT.  This helps prevent further hair loss, and in several cases regular Propecia use really leads to significant hair re-growth of lately lost hairs.

In 1988, Rogaine lotion became the first medicine approved by the FDA for treating genetic hair loss.  The medicine is a colorless and odorless liquid applied to the scalp.  When used as a baldness treatment in cream form, rogaine is the brand name for the medication minoxidil.  Minoxidil had already been FDA approved in pill form for a prescription medicine for treating hypertension.  The brand name for pills is Loniten.

The single medication proven to treat genetic pattern hair loss is Propecia.   Propecia is the brand name for the medication finasteride.   To the joy of some individuals taking finasteride for enlarged prostate glands, hair loss was decreased, and often re-growth of baldness lost. Scientists figured that if they could create a medication to regulate the action of 5-alpha-reductase they can accomplish a number of the favorable effects of the genetic trait, for example prostate gland normalization and, later hair loss prevention. Minoxidil lotion is safe.  Only very small quantities of it reach the blood, when used as directed and applied to the scalp.  The risk of serious side effects is very small. Those likely to achieve the best results with Rogaine are at the early stages of pattern hair loss.  On the average folks get better outcomes than folks.  Those with baldness or thinning on the top of their minds get better results.  People with hair loss, particularly women, tend to get much better outcomes than those with spots.  Those with spots usually show more regrowth than those with large bald spots.

A research conducted having a 1 percent Zinc Pyrithione ZnP solution each day to the scalp showed that subjects needed thicker hair .    The study concluded that Zinc Pyrithione kills yeast and bacteria in the glands and hair follicles resulting in healthier hairs.  Another possibility is the Zinc itself may inhibit 5-alpha-reductase from the hair follicle. With Propecia usage, the rate of hair loss slows, and in many cases stops.  In many people, some recently miniaturized hair follicles start to grow back to normal size, and begin to grow normal size hairs .  This results in hair that is increased.  The degree of hair regrowth can vary from no quantifiable regrowth, to significant regrowth. Minoxidil seems to reduce the speed of hair follicle miniaturization, and can cause hair follicles which formerly produced full-size hairs, but have lately become miniaturized, to increase in size and start to grow full size hairs .  Additionally, the enlarged follicles appear to stay in the anagen, or expansion phase for a longer period.  A longer growth phase ends in the creation of longer hairs, and a look of more hair.   Countless drugs, herbs, nutrients, and compounds have been claimed to prevent or reverse baldness, nevertheless when tested clinically in well regulated, double-blind clinical trials, almost none have been shown to work.  Obviously, countless bogus hair loss products continue to make claims about their effectiveness, including presenting bogus"testimonials" by clinical doctors and users,"scientific proof" of effectiveness, as well as fake results from"nicely controlled, double-blind clinical trials."   Hair loss treatments also sell well in Europe, in Asia, and Central and South America. A woman taking finasteride would have just a small decrease DHT levels because most of the effect of finasteride is on type-II 5-alpha-reductase that's primarily made in prostate glands.  Women who take finasteride and become pregnant can lead to a male embryo to develop ambiguous genitals, also have female characteristics until puberty (at puberty, the child's genitals normalize). For several years before it was accepted as a hair loss treatment, a level of security was created for finasteride, the active ingredient in Propecia.   Based on studies of hormone breakdown products found in the urine, it appears to affect only the 5-alpha-reductase enzyme, and not other hormones in the blood like testosterone.  Propecia is not an antiandrogen.  In fact, levels of testosterone in the blood often increase by ten to fifteen per cent when taking Propecia.   Some potential side effects of finasteride remedy for baldness might be regarded as beneficial, such as possible shrinking of the prostate gland in males susceptible to an enlarged prostate.  

Direction of women's hormone levels is an easy task, nor one where medications are prescribed without consideration of the range of advantages and risks.

Birth control pills have a combination of estrogen and testosterone hormones.  Since they were introduced in 1960, the estrogen component of oral contraceptives was decreased from .150 mg per tablet to .020-.035 milligrams.  An birth control pill with .035 mg of estrogen is considered a"high-estrogen" oral contraceptive.  And for reference, the estrogen level in oral contraceptives is a few times higher than that of estrogen replacement drugs prescribed .

Propecia may also help regrow lost hair in addition to stopping further baldness.   Within this study, only one percent of men taking Propecia continued to possess hair loss at the top of their minds, while thirty-three percent of men taking a placebo revealed a diminished hair count in this region.

The story of finasteride begins with scientists that had been working with a family in the Dominican Republic who had a hereditary characteristic that caused them to give birth to male children with ambiguous genitalia.  Infants weren't affected.  In many cases it was hard to determine such a baby's sex by observation alone.  When hormone levels within those affected individuals increased, these boys normalized.  They had children of their own, and perpetuated the trait.

The most frequent side effect when used as directed would be slight scalp irritation.  In clinical trials involving 6,000 men and women around seven percent of these using 2 percent strength Rogaine lotion experienced some degree of scalp itching, inflammation, dryness, or flaking.  A smaller percentage of patients experience an increased pulse rate.

Both of these states can affect around 2 percent of men in the first month of usage, but fall to approximately a half percent when measured after two years.

1 drawback to spironolactone cream is a unpleasant smell, which can be made worse when combined in the same container with Rogaine. Some physicians prepare custom-blended minoxidil cream, with added ingredients to decrease the danger of inflammation and increase absorption.  1 such additive is tretinoin (Retin-A): Tretinoin is a prescription medication applied to the skin, and is also well known for helping to reduce facial wrinkles.  Minoxidil lotion implemented with low concentrations of tretinoin has been show to encourage greater hair growth--and possibly faster results--compared to minoxidil used alone.  The absorption of minoxidil can increase throughout skin as well as having extra hair growth promoting effects.  In addition to advantages and the dangers of use tretinoin adds additional risk of inflammation and skin irritation. Minoxidil takes time to create results.  A change in appearance occurs in a matter of months, when 2 percent minoxidil can be used per day; five% minoxidil produces faster results.  Before significant benefit can be seen, several months are often required.  The outcomes may improve with twice-daily use that is continuous.  The benefit is achieved following twelve months of use, and at that point hair regrowth will stabilize.

Minoxidil lotion may be used at precisely the exact same time as Propecia tablets.  The results are far better than when either medication used alone.

One milligram Propecia tablet taken every day is the normal prescribed dose for baldness treatment.   This usually means that a pill must be taken every day to last.  The hair loss process aids, when Propecia is stopped.

Aldactone is the newest name for spironolactone, a prescription medication used in tablet form for treating women with three common issues seen by dermatologists: acne, hirsutism (too much hair, particularly on the face), and androgenetic alopecia.  The March 2005 British Journal of Dermatology reported on a study which revealed eighty percent of women getting oral antiandrogens (spironolcatone) could expect to see no progression of the female pattern baldness, enhanced likelihood of stopping their baldness, or getting some hair back, after taking the medication for a year at 200 mg every day. Ladies inherit a trend for routine hair loss as guys do.  However, in women the DHT message is obstructed by significant levels of estrogens.  As girls start perimenopause around age forty estrogen levels start to decline, and in menopause most girls are by age fifty-five to fifty-eight.  While levels decline along with estrogen and progesterone, the DHT message will finally start to get through, and thinning hair can result.

It was observed that the men in this category being studied didn't suffer from enlarged prostate glands, never developed prostate cancer, nor did they lose their own hair.  No pattern baldness!  Genetic research showed that their gene for generating the 5-alpha-reductase enzyme was dormant.  To DHT, testosterone in the bloodstream wasn't easily converted with no 5-alpha-reductase enzyme.  The low levels of DHT that led prevented their hair follicles from getting the concept to have shorter growth cycles and miniaturization.

Also, for those who stop the minoxidil for a few months the hairs which would have been shed in the event the minoxidil had not averted follicle miniaturization will also be dropped as those follicles begin to shrink.  So both regrown hairs and hairs that would have been lost if not for the minoxidil use may be drop after stopping use.

Another lotion additive is betamethasone valerate.  Along with reducing potential scalp irritation, it might also enhance the hair recovery impact of minoxidil in 2 ways: first, it helps block the metabolism of testosterone in the tissues of the hair follicle in which the hormone signal to"stop producing new hairs" occurs.  Blocking this signal may maintain more hairs growing.  Second, betamethasone valerate can help to disperse the white blood cells that are called up to push at out the hair shaft.  The white blood cells scar that the hair follicle, decreasing the follicle's ability in doing so.  By reducing scarring valerate might help keep the hair follicles energetic to more hair growth cycles.   Some girls using additional strength minoxidil cream (5% ) experience increased facial hair growth.  This side effect tends to decrease after the first few months of therapy, or 2 percent minoxidil can be utilized.  Hair growth resumes, when treatment is stopped normal.  Minoxidil treatment does not work with thinning hair due to pattern hair loss.  It is less successful for hair loss in the hairline compared on the top of the head.  It is not as effective on large bald spots than small ones.  It is not as effective on bald spots compared to diffuse locations that are thin.  It is successful on glistening regions than those with baldness that is recent.

For some people, it appears to have no effect in any respect.  There is rate of baldness, but no new hair growth that is visible.  Women and some men experience fresh hair growth, but not sufficient to cover hair areas that are thin.  Others like dense new hair growth with regions that had been thin developing hair thinning very similar to areas which weren't affected by baldness.

[be100you]

Vegan (Plant-based) diet

🌐👇:   [FR]   [IT]   [PT]

By definition, a "Vegan diet" 🌱, also called a "Plant-based diet", is a regimen that deliberately includes no animal products and their derivatives, for example animal meat, milk, eggs, etc. 🐖🐄🐔

First, it is important to understand that when we are talking about a "diet" here, it is not a short-term plan to reach a goal, such as 📏 loosing weight or 💪 gaining muscles.

We refer to "diet" as simply the habitual nourishment of a person. It can follow a nutritional plan with the aim of improving a person's health by consciously choosing what and how much to eat of any given food in an intelligent and consistent way.

Let's not fall into the trap of thinking a vegan diet is healthy by definition. You can have a plant-based regimen where you eat only huge amounts of french fries 🍟 and big dark chocolate bars 🍫... But guess what? That's not healthy at all!

In this article we will discuss how to optimise a vegan diet, and what are the possible benefits of such a regimen in the short and long terms.

INDEX

Who can eat a plant-based diet?

— People with health conditions

— Athletes: amateurs and pros

Why a plant-based diet?

— Heart disease

— Cancer, Diabetes, and more

How can I eat plant-based?

— Nutrients

— Daily intakes

Vegan recipes

More whys...

— Environmental protection

— Human welfare

— Animal welfare

— Individual health

___

Who can eat a plant-based diet?

Who?

The short answer: everyone. 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️

The long answer:

The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, which is the largest organisation of food and nutrition professionals, with more than 100000 credentialed practitioners, made an article stating “These diets [vegetarian and vegan] are appropriate for all stages of the life cycle, including pregnancy, lactation, infancy, childhood, adolescence, older adulthood, and for athletes”. [1]

But of course, as any other diet, to be healthy and adequate it must be correctly planned. 👩‍⚕️👨‍⚕️

People with health conditions

An important disclaimer: people with health or genetic conditions must pay special attention to their diet, since food has a fundamental impact in our health.

A short example: we find carotenoids in carrots, a preformed vitamin A that our bodies convert into a bio-available vitamin A in order to absorb it. But this conversion depends on your body health, like genetics, thyroid, zinc and iron intakes, etc.

So if you have a genetic or health condition causing vitamin A malabsorption, and you don’t eat enough vitamin A, you may start experiencing deficiency symptoms such as “night blindness” (problems distinguishing images in low levels of illumination), or your hand palms may become orangish.

To solve it, the best solution is to consume more foods with vitamin A. It is also a good idea to have the help of an up-to-date professional in the field of nutrition, who will surely be able to help you planning your diet.

The best way to find out if we have deficiencies is to periodically do blood tests, and to pay attention to body signals.

Athletes: amateurs and pros

Athletes need specially designed diets to optimise their performance in the sport they do, professionally or amateurly.

There are many athletes that are vegan. In the link below we see a a list with more than 100 vegan athletes from different sport fields, including football, bodybuilding, snowboarding...

⚽🏋🏂 www.GreatVeganAthletes.com/all-athletes

But what does science tell us about athletes?

The video below, with over 300 combined sources, compares athletic performance among people following an omnivorous diet and those following a vegetarian diet. The conclusion showed no major improvements in the short-term performance, meaning both groups of athletes following well-planned diets had similar results.

But as the studies showed, and the video reminds at the end (with some beautiful visual and sound effects 🤣)

Doesn’t matter how shred, if you’re dead 🔥 [dramatic emphasis here]

The video is referring to the long-term benefits of a plant-based diet, which we discuss in the next section.

If you are interested, we can give you a personal guidance in understanding the benefits described below, as well as designing your diet:

🍎🍊🥑🌽🍫🥜🥕

www.be100you.com/#nutrition

🍪🥬🍆🥝🥥🍍🍞

___

Why a plant-based diet?

Why?

The short answer: long-term health benefits. 💪

The long answer:

The videos below show evidences from articles published throughout decades of researches in medicine. Instead of citing the articles directly, we show you these videos to make your life easier, but you can still find all the articles in videos’ descriptions. We are not sponsored by them in any way.

One of the largest nonprofit healthcare plans in United States, the Kaiser Permanente, published “Nutritional Update for Physicians” (shown in the video below), in which they state “healthy eating may be best achieved with a plant-based diet, defined as a regimen that encourages whole, plant-based foods and discourages meat, dairy, eggs as well as all refined and processed foods”.

A review of reviews of studies (a big name that simply says it analyzed and condensed information from many different articles) showed that plant-based foods have far more often protective health effects, while animal-based foods have often harmful health effects. The summary of the review is available here:

Heart disease

A wholefood plant-based diet has even been shown to revert heart disease, literally unclogging arteries. The “wholefood” means it is based on foods that are unprocessed and unrefined, or processed and refined as little as possible. The following videos compare many studies of the mediterranean and vegan diets:

Video 1 here: https://youtu.be/uVGpTLMN6w4

Video 2 below:

Cancer, Diabetes, and more

Many studies directly link animal products, like meat and cheese, to higer risks of diseases such as coronary heart disease (the number one killer in the world), breast cancer, colorectal cancer, prostate cancer, type 2 diabetes, insulin resistance, and hypertension. A few sources are listed here:

Colon Cancer ▶️ https://youtu.be/KDRazSapYew

Diabetes ▶️ https://youtu.be/A4vqXj-uHxk

Heart Disease ▶️ https://youtu.be/LXigmGZk5FU

Hormones ▶️ https://youtu.be/lKngv7mL48s

Meat ▶️ https://youtu.be/xlNWQ8L7QoA

Cheese ▶️ https://youtu.be/3yvYFjIlOO4

Milk ▶️ https://youtu.be/rxnBDDqXSjk

And studies in the video below state that people eating less animal products (sometimes called “flexitarians”) tend to live longer:

Do not hesitate to research for yourself in order to better understand all the above claims. Before continuing, we must acknowledge that the above conclusions show many benefits of a vegan diet, but it is not a miraculous cure for everything. They may help many people live healthier and longer, including you, and if you consider it is worth a try we can help you adapt your diet to a plant-based one, just go to our website:

🍎🍊🥑🌽🍫🥜🥕

www.be100you.com/#nutrition

🍪🥬🍆🥝🥥🍍🍞

___

How can I eat plant-based?

A vegan diet can be optimised to give you all of the benefits shown above, and others still. Upgrading your diet to a wholefood plant-based one involves changing habits and adapting patterns we had learned in the past.

A lot of people have unconscious eating habits and don't actually thing about what they eat. They might simply abide to community traditions, follow their group behaviour, or give in to social norms.

Chosing to eat healthier is a decision that must be taken consciously, and using the best available sources of knowledge, so we can avoid short and long term problems.

Nutrients

Since our cultures and traditions are sometimes not good in providing us information on how to eat healthy, we must adapt and learn from professionals and trustworthy sources, therefore assuring we will not have problems related to our diet.

There is a list of recommendations for those eating a wholefood plant-based diet available in this link:

📝🌱 nutritionfacts.org/2011/09/12/dr-gregers-2011-optimum-nutrition-recommendations (updated in 2019)

The recommendations goes over some major nutrients:

Vitamin B12: nutritionfacts.org/video/cheapest-source-of-vitamin-b12 The simplest solution: sumplement. This vitamin is made by bacteria, and since our food nowadays is really clean we will not find it in plants. Even animals raised in industrial farms must suplement because they also eat clean food;

Omega 3: nutritionfacts.org/video/should-vegans-take-dha-to-preserve-brain-function Some plants are rich in Omega 3s, specially linseeds (rich in ALA, more of its benefits: nutritionfacts.org/video/just-the-flax-maam). But since ALA conversion to EPA and DHA may be low, tif you experience deficiency you can get supplements (usually from seaweed oil) to increase your intake;

Calcium: nutritionfacts.org/video/plant-vs-cow-calcium-2 There are also plants with high amounts of calcium, such as collards, kale, broccoli raab (rapini), and even parsley. But many other foods also contain good quantities of calcium, such as squashes, broccoli, and green beans;

Protein: nutritionfacts.org/video/do-vegetarians-get-enough-protein It’s really not a problem at all, even if you are a bodybuilder you can still get all your proteins from plants - just choose the right food for you;

Fiber: nutritionfacts.org/video/is-the-fiber-theory-wrong In a wholefood plant-based diet it will be a non-existent problem. You will eat more fiber, and your digestive system will benefit from it - if you are constipated now, you are not alone: https://youtu.be/DhZFoinQpI0

Daily intakes

To help building your new plant-based diet there is also an idea worth a try: it’s called “Daily Dozen”, which is basically a list containing types of foods (and respective quantities) you should eat in a daily basis.

To check it out, go to nutritionfacts.org/video/dr-gregers-daily-dozen-checklist, or nutritionfacts.org/video/dr-gregers-daily-dozen-checklist-2

Another great tool we recommend using is Cronometer, which helps you calculate not only the intake of macronutrients (carbohydrates, fats, proteins), but also you micronutrients (vitamins and minerals): cronometer.com

We can also help you adapt your diet to a plant-based one, just visit:

🍎🍊🥑🌽🍫🥜🥕

www.be100you.com/#nutrition

🍪🥬🍆🥝🥥🍍🍞

___

Vegan recipes

Below are some selected vegan recipes that you may enjoy. If you have suggestions, send us a message and we may include it here.

Sweet dishes

Chocolate Mousse: iaco.me/post/001

Chocolate Cake: iaco.me/post/001

3-min Cookies: iaco.me/go/cookie

Spelt Blueberry Pancakes: plantstrong.com/plant-strong-recipes/top-engine-2-recipes-spelt-blueberry-pancakes

Salty dishes

Lentil Oat Loaf: www.food.com/recipe/really-good-vegetarian-meatloaf-really-33921

Macaroni & Not Cheese: plantstrong.com/plant-strong-recipes/top-engine-2-recipes-macaroni-not-cheese

Sweet Potato Lasagne: plantstrong.com/plant-strong-recipes/top-engine-2-recipes-raise-the-roof-sweet-potato-lasagna

Plant-strong Burgers: plantstrong.com/plant-strong-recipes/top-engine-2-recipes-plant-strong-burgers

We can also find some “ready-to-use” vegan meal plans here:

🥣🍓 veganhealth.org/meal-plans

Vegan diet: more whys...

Going vegan has positive impacts in other life areas. It includes a vastitude of other reasons, which have each one their respective benefits:

Environmental protection

A study[2-4] from 2018 showed that a vegan lifestyle have many environmental benefits. A documentary[5] from 2014 already showed the same. Some informations they stated:

It can reduce an individual's carbon footprint from food by up to 73%;

Global farmland use could be reduced by 75% (an area equivalent to the size of the US, China, Australia and the EU combined);

Converting grass into [meat] is like converting coal to energy. It comes with an immense cost in emissions;

While meat and dairy provide just 18% of calories and 37% of protein, it uses the vast majority (83%) of farmland and produces 60% of agriculture’s greenhouse gas emissions;

The meat and dairy industry uses 33% of earth’s fresh water;

Animal agriculture is responsible for as much as 91% of Amazon destruction;

The water for the production of one hamburger is equivalent to showering for 2 months (3000 liters of water).

The 2014 documentary[5] shows many more environmental impacts, such as water usage and pollution, land usage and pollution, greenhouse gas emissions, land desertification, species extinction, forests destruction: cowspiracy.com

Human welfare

The logic here is simple: every time you move up in the “food chain”, you loose many of the food that was fed to the being below you. That is on of the reasons animal-based foods have a bigger environmental impact, and that is also one of the reasons many people in the planet do not have food to eat: because most food (grains in special) we produce go to feed the animals we will eat later.

In [6], Dr Walt Willett - professor of medicine at Harvard University - says “we could eliminate the worst cases of world hunger today with about 40 million tonnes of food – yet 760 million tonnes is fed to animals on farms every year”.

Animal welfare

Right now, we kill literally more than 150 billion animals per year[7]. To put it into perspective: if we killed one human for every other non-human animal we kill, there would be none (zero) humans left in less than 19 days.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

This 2 hours long documentary shows the reality of the animal-based foods industry: WatchDominion.com

Altough its content is hard to watch for some people, the shown precedures, utensils and machinery are perfectly legal and standards in the industry.

One probably “easier to digest” documentary is: hope-theproject.com/the-film/the-film

Earthlings is another film talking about ethics and speciesism in the way we treat most animals. A free “anniversary edition” is available here: NationEarth.com

Individual health

To finish this article, we cite a few more documentaries talking about the individual health benefits of a plant-based diets. If you are interested, you can go and binge-watch them all:

🙀 WhatTheHealthFilm.com

💪 GameChangersMovie.com

🍴 ForksOverKnives.com

___

Sources:

[1] “Position of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics: Vegetarian Diets”, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jand.2016.09.025

[2] www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/veganism-environmental-impact-planet-reduced-plant-based-diet-humans-study-a8378631.html

[3] www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/may/31/avoiding-meat-and-dairy-is-single-biggest-way-to-reduce-your-impact-on-earth

[4] www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/vegan-diet-better-environment

[5] www.cowspiracy.com/facts

[6] www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/what-would-world-look-if-everyone-went-vegan

[7] thevegancalculator.com/animal-slaughter/