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studyinspectrum · 1 month ago

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The Adventure of the Speckled Band, a one act play dramatized by Michael and Mollie Hardwick, first published 1964

might seem a bit odd to start off this project with a piece like this, but there is import in choosing this one. credit to my sharp memory, i recall that the first sherlock holmes media that i clearly remember consuming was this same one act play in my 7th grade english class. i believe the unit was about script writing and play/film adaptations as we watched part of the Granada TV episode adaptation. i will certainly talk about Granada's sherlock holmes adaptations at a later date.

i have no idea how i'd like to structure these reviews, in the past i typically tried to assign a numerical value to stories i read, but i can't really measure everything against the same scale, especially when there's a lot more to consider in multimedia formats. so this is a little bit of a trial run of working with a bit more of a "formal" review of a specific story. what i will do is mention any specific content warnings for particular kinds of media. i'll do my best to make things non-spoiler if possible, but sometimes there's things that need to be said. That all being said, content warnings for the Adventure of the Speckled Band are as follows: murder, the slur for the romani people, snakes, references to physical parental abuse, and possibly abuse towards animals.

i don't know when or how i acquired the book i read this play in currently, save that it was physically given to me by my mom, but i believe it to contain the same play that i read out as a printed handout from my 7th grade teacher. this book contains three other plays, Charles Augustus Milverton, The Mazarin Stone, and The Blue Carbuncle, however for this first review I will just focus on the Speckled Band.

i was a high school theatre kid, so in fact i really do appreciate the style plays are written in. i really like focusing on dialogue in my own writing work and stage directions make understanding the scope of the scene very easy. i mean, that's rather the point right? to communicate a narrative and actor behavior in the most succinct manner possible. (i feel like i often consider scenes i'm writing as if i'm directing a play, i get caught up in how all the characters are moving around a scene and i wonder if writing a story as a play first and then making it into prose would be easier for me. but i digress.)

i think the original canon of sherlock holmes does lend itself to being rendered as a play adaptation quite well, a lot of stories are just people sitting in calm rooms, sitting and talking through the problems they are facing. the book opens with "NOTES FOR PRODUCERS" that give various tips to people directing or producing these plays for the stage. one thing that i appreciate the most about these notes is this specific quote:

"May we make one plea? That any temptation towards burlesque should sternly be resisted. Cackling villains and the clutching of brows are out! The staid Victorians were not above showing their feelings, but not in the terms of the exaggerated conventions of melodrama."

i really love this quote because this is one of the things i like a lot about the SH canon, even the infamous Professor Moriarty was not a mustache twirling villain, all the antagonists of the original canon are just… people attempting to achieve their goals. there's usually nothing supremely grand or melodramatic about them. this goes for The Speckled Band as well.

this play is quite simple, it's a one act as mentioned before, only four scenes, and in the book i have (which is about half letter sized) it's only 34 pages. i read it only about half an hour while i was doing other things. this story is very difficult to forget, it's incredibly memorable for it's extremely strange elements so this story has always stuck out in my mind.

a summary

a photo i took of the book cast list page. very enchanted by "A Snake" down there at the bottom.

the summary of the story is as follows: a woman named Helen Stoner comes to Holmes with her case. she is soon to be married, but she fears that the death that befell her twin sister two years prior might befall her as well. her sister screamed in the middle of the night, stumbling out of her bedroom stating "it was the speckled band" and died in Helen's arms. Helen heard a whistling sound shortly after the scream, which she only thought she imagined, that is until last night when she heard it again while having to stay in her sister's room due to construction on her own bedroom. Helen's last remaining relative is her step father with whom she still lives with.

Holmes resolves himself to come to her family home today as time is of the essence. Helen is comforted by this and leaves. Before Holmes and Watson can even start discussing their plan, an angry man bursts into the room. it's the step father, Grimesby Roylott. He threatens Holmes to stay out of her and her daughter's business and bends an iron fire poker to make a point. Holmes reacts by just laughing at the guy.

ROYLOTT [infuriated]: You think you can put me off, do you? But I know you, you scoundrel! You're Holmes the Meddler! [HOLMES chuckles] Holmes, the busybody! [HOLMES chuckles louder] Holmes, the Scotland Yard Jack-in-Office! [Holmes laughs out loud]

(a "jack-in-office" means "an insolent fellow in authority" according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.)

Roylott leaves with his threat lingering in the air. Watson wary but Holmes undeterred keep their appointment with Helen to go to her family home and join her there while Roylott is apparently in London on business. the two of them examine the rooms to find that there is a ventilator that connects Roylott and Helen's sister's bedroom, and a dummy bell-wire, as in the thing to call one of the serving staff to your quarters, and the bed is bolted to the floor nearby to the wall with the ventilator. In Roylott's room they find a locked safe, a saucer of milk, and a leash that appears to be too small for even a dog or any of the other apparently exotic animals Roylott keeps in his home. Helen's original bedroom displays no signs of any construction occurring.

Holmes advises Helen to sleep in her original room tonight and they will sneak into the sister's room and observe what happens. Helen obeys and that night Holmes and Watson sneak through the window of the sister's bedroom, waiting for Roylott to go to bed. They wait and soon they hear a hissing sound and observe the speckled band, a snake, coming through the ventilator, crawling down the bell-wire. They hear the whistle and Holmes lashes out at the snake with his cane, scaring it back into the ventilator. They hear Roylott scream from the next room and discover that the snake has made prey of Roylott, presumably in the same way that Roylott intended to do with Helen. Roylott has died of a venomous snake bite. Holmes subdues the snake with the leash, making them safe to approach.

while considering Roylott's body, Holmes lays out that Roylott intended to murder Helen in order to make her birth mother's inheritance all his. he did so with Helen's sister two years prior as well, also just before her marriage. the mother's will stipulated that the sisters would receive their inheritance upon their marriage so Roylott attempted to murder in a way that would not be easily seen by the coroner. they probably wouldn't be able to trace the venom or see the snake bites unless they considered them a possibility and England is far far away from the native grounds of spotted venomous snakes. Roylott apparently trained the snake with milk to enter the ventilator and slither down the bell-wire and return with the sound of a whistle like a snake charmer's pipe. the play ends with Holmes stating that he is indirectly responsible for the death of Roylott but based on the circumstances, it's not going to weigh heavily upon him.

a review and analysis

this story is probably among the ones that require a higher suspension of disbelief to understand the circumstances of the crime. it is certainly fantastical to train a snake to go through a vent, bite a poor woman, and then return at the sound of a whistle. however, what isn't hard to suspend your belief is that a man would kill his step daughters for their inheritance money.

from the outset, Roylott seems like the obvious culprit, however the nomadic or Romani people that Roylott allow to roam his property are presented as a red herring culprit as well. this is due to the window being a possible entrance into the sister's room since her room was locked and maybe the whistling. the Speckled Band was originally printed in 1892 in the Strand Magazine, so this element feels like it was presented as something to play upon the presuppositions of the audience. ACD did this often in his work, presenting very obvious conclusions based on biased thinking. ACD was hardly a non-bigoted person, but to his credit he was aware of what someone with common biases for the time would think: blame the "undesirable" minority people.

speaking to that fact, i think that especially with the fantastical elements of the story, this mystery really asks you to consider all of the clues equally and think about them without applying your personal biases to the information. it becomes clear the the ventilator is the key clue to the mystery once it is seen by Holmes. what could possibly fit in the ventilator? a person could not pass through. there were no obvious signs of violence on the sister so the murder weapon couldn't be something obvious. the other key clue is that Roylott keeps exotic animals around the house, but identifying what animal was used in the murder is much harder if you don't just have an encyclopedia knowledge of animals. it is still possible to imagine a snake however, especially in conjunction with the bell-wire.

in the story, Holmes calls the snake a "swamp adder" however that isn't a real snake. many different prints of this story have considered what the "real" swamp adder was. some of the species posited by "Catalogue of The 1951 Sherlock Holmes Exhibition" are

Puff Adder

River-Jack

Russel's ViperSaw Scaled Viper)

Temple viper

Burmese Krait or Spotted Krait

Cobra

with many of the vipers however, they have slow-acting venom which wouldn't contribute to how quickly Helen's sister or Roylott died in the story. the Kraits have very fast acting venom, however they don't match the coloration as described in the story. of this list, the Cobra appears to be the most likely. in "A Fresh Bite at The Speckled Band" by Philip Cornell it's supposed that the snake could be an Inland Taipan which has fast acting venom, is observed to climb, and has speckled coloration, but it is of Australian origin, where Roylott served and has an affinity with animals found in India. some other animals considered is a Skink, Gila Monster, or Boa Constrictor, however they are less likely due to seeming to need to have been bred for the specific purposes as stated in the story. the fact this is still a huge element of debate to this day is pretty interesting.

this story as a play

speaking to an actual production of The Speckled Band, as directed by the production notes at the start of the book, the sets for the play do not need to be that extensive, save for certain parts of The Speckled Band where seeing the physical clues of the two bedrooms and seeing the snake. this play would be still very easy to pull off with minimal props, minimal sets, and minimal costumes. many people could probably imagine the layout of the flat of 221b without much difficulty and imagine the character of Holmes and Watson by name alone. i think that The Speckled Band story is so iconic that pantomime could even be used for the more difficult to produce elements of the set and it could still be pulled off effectively. according to the production notes, the three act version of The Speckled Band apparently used a real snake in early productions, but then moved to using something closer to what is described as a puppet.

since this is a play, i looked up if i could find any performance recordings online. i can't seem to find any performances of the one act play itself, however i have seem to found previews of performances of what i THINK is the three act play mentioned in the production notes of the book. the ones i found are the trailer of the touring TSF 2022 production, and the character/cast introduction of a high school performance from 1992. i can't be for certain what version of the play they used, but by the sheer number of characters that are present in both videos i think it might be safe to assume that it is the three act version.

what i suspect is that they're actually performing the three act play that ACD adapted himself in 1910! the full script of this version of the play can be found on it's page on the Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, as well as other materials about the production and advertising that went with it. i'm particularly entranced by the caricature drawings of some of the actors that performed in the initial run of this version: a screenshot of the encyclopedia page displaying seven caricature illustrations by Thomas Downey of actors portraying the characters of Sherlock Holmes, Rodgers, Dr. Watson, Enid Stonor, Dr. Grimesby Rylott, and Mr. Armitage

there are certainly more recent adaptations people have done, and skimming many of the other scripts i've found i obviously can't be certain, every adaptation seems to add more characters than found in the original work. this particular script even adds in a… monkey character?

in conclusion

i was not expecting to go on my own little deep dive learning about the stage adaptions of The Speckled Band just from my own little book of plays of unknown origins. but that's the spirit of investigation, and now i have something else i'll be able to consume at a later date. i would be interested in perhaps doing a follow up to this post just about ACD's play version of The Speckled Band just to see how it compares to his original story and how he dramatized things differently for the stage. i'll also keep an eye out for any performances of The Speckled Band that are available online as actual stage performances. there are plenty of film adaptations, but those are for a different day as well.

The Speckled Band is certainly a story with some staying power though i think, if there are people that are still putting on traveling stage performances of the play to this day. it's incredibly fantastical and unique even within the canon of Sherlock Holmes and while it's probably not something i'd call my favorite, it's one that i'll keep thinking about.

well. i'm not sure how to end this review since it's the first one. if this were a video game review there'd be a score out of 10 with pros and cons so i'll do that.

The Adventure of the Speckled Band, One Act Play

Score: 7/10

Pros:

fantastic use of suspension of disbelief

succinct in it's delivery of information

presents the clues in a way that the audience will be able to figure out

plays on audience biases

Cons:

racist language

violence against women/parental abuse

(This was originally published on Cohost on June 30th, 2022. Bearblog mirror here)

#sherlock holmes #the speckled band #media review #play adaptation

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yoshhii · 1 month ago

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STUDY CONFESSION— i. midoriya

THE QUIET HUM OF THE LIBRARY FILLED THE air as you sat across from your friend, izuku midoriya. there were textbooks and notes scattered between the two of you. it had been a long study session, preparing for the upcoming hero exams. you could feel the tension in your back, and when you glanced at izuku, his brows were furrowed in concentration, fingers tapping absently on his notebook.

you both have been here for hours, yet it seemed as if he had the energy to continue studying for more.

"izuku," you whispered, trying not to disturb the people around you, "maybe we should take a break?"

he stopped writing and looked up at you, wide green eyes momentarily confused before a sheepish smile spread across his face. "oh, right. sorry, i didn't notice how much time had passed."

you couldn't help but smile at how endearing he was, always so focused on his goals. "it's fine, but we've been here for hours. let's go outside for some fresh air."

he nodded eagerly, gathering his notes with care before following you out into the open. the cool breeze of the late afternoon swept over you both, and you sighed contentedly, stretching your arms.

the green haired boy stood beside you, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "thanks for suggesting the break. i get caught up sometimes and forget to... you know, relax."

you chuckled softly, looking at him fondly. "that's what i'm here for. to remind you to take care of yourself too."

a blush dusted his cheeks at your words, his nervous energy showing in the way he shuffled his feet. it was cute how shy he could be, even after all this time of being close friends.

you both wandered aimlessly around the courtyard, the sun slowly dipping behind the buildings. izuku looked like he wanted to say something, his gaze flicking between you and the sky. after a moment of silence, he finally spoke.

"um... you've been such a great friend, always supporting me... and i just—uh, i really appreciate it. you've helped me more than you know." his voice was soft, filled with the sincerity that was so unmistakably him.

your heart warmed at his words. "you don't have to thank me, izuku. i'm happy to be here with you. you've done the same for me, in more ways than i can count."

he looked down, clearly flustered by your response, and then hesitated before glancing at you again. "actually... there's something i've been wanting to ask for a while."

you raised an eyebrow in curiosity, waiting for him to continue.

"i know we've been friends for a long time, but... do you think maybe... we could be more than that?" his voice wavered as he nervously fidgeted with his fingers, the confidence in his voice slowly leaving. "i—i mean, if you don't want to, that's fine! i just—uh—i really like you. a lot."

for a moment, you were speechless, your heart doing a little flip at his confession. his vulnerability was so pure, so genuine, that it made you smile wider than you ever had before.

"izuku," you began softly, reaching for his hand, "i like you too. i've liked you for a while, actually."

he looked up at you, eyes wide in surprise, before a bright, hopeful smile broke across his face. "really?"

"really," you confirmed, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

his face visibly relaxed, and he let out a soft laugh, his thumb brushing lightly against your hand. "i—i don't know what to say. i just... i'm so happy."

you smiled back, feeling warmth spread through your chest. "you don't have to say anything. just... stay with me a little longer?"

"i'd like that," he said softly, his smile never fading.

and so you stood there together, hand in hand, as the world around you seemed to slow down for just a little while. there was no rush, no exams to worry about, just the quiet comfort of each other's presence.

more oneshots on my wattpad! @ yoshhiix

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha x you #mha oneshot #bnha oneshot #izuku midoriya #midoriya x reader #midoriya x you #izuku x reader #izuku mydoria #izuku midoria x reader #izuku midoryia x you

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lipsticksamurai · 3 months ago

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The single woman

Embracing Singleness

Love is a wonderful thing that will come in due time. For now, accept and celebrate your independent life. You have the power to do anything you want! Not everything is about finding the perfect partner, sometimes it's just about having fun and enjoying your life.

Do not worry about filling the void of being single. Instead, embrace it and use it as a chance to invite people who complement your life and add value to it. Being brave enough to be alone allows you to choose who you want in your life, not who you need. 🎉

Happily Single: Choosing Your Own Path

Being happily single means focusing on your passions and goals without distractions, and not changing yourself to fit someone else's expectations.

It's about choosing your own path and creating a life so fulfilling that you don't need to be saved from it, instead of searching for a "better half."

Key Concepts:

Devoting time to passions and goals

Not compromising who you are

Designing your own life

Being whole on your own

🎯💪🌟

You don't need a significant other to lead a significant life

Does my love life affect my ability to live my best life?

What are some things I can do on my own to discover my passions?

Why let others determine my happiness?

Loneliness can lead to growth and self-discovery.

Remember: You are unique and capable of creating your own path.

🦋 Embrace the journey of self-exploration and growth 🌼

The Power of Being Alone

Stop searching for your worth in relationships and find the power which lies in solitude. It helps you find your true self and build a strong foundation for future connections. Don't let the fear of being alone prevent you from standing and thriving on your own.

You are enough, regardless of your relationship status

Self-discovery is essential for growth

Own your individuality and don't be afraid to stand out

💫 Embrace your solitude, it's where your sparkle begins to shine. 💫

Discovering Yourself: The Imperfect Journey 🌟

You can't think your way into discovering who you are; you have to live your way into it. You'll make mistakes, all while finding out what makes you laugh or cry. You'll try different things, but don't worry about it being perfect - every step is one step closer to figuring out your purpose in life.

🌱Make mistakes

💫Follow your passions

🌠Set goals and chase dreams

🔥Step out of your comfort zone

🤝Try out new things and see what fits

🗺️Take wrong turns

😂Do what makes you laugh

😢Avoid what makes you cry

🌎Embrace the journey of discovering who you are and why you are here

Embrace your uniqueness!

💡 Your value does not depend on others. Don't let their opinions hold you back from being true to yourself.

👀 You don't need to conform to anyone's expectations. Embrace your individuality instead and stand out from the crowd.

🌞 Don't forget to be your own friend. Accept and love yourself, and the right people will come into your life.

➡️ Don't settle for less than what you truly deserve. Aim high and work hard for a fulfilling and satisfying life.

⭐️ Remember, you are worthy of the best. Don't lower your standards for anything or anyone.

Know Your Worth

Don't surrender your true value to someone who doesn't see it. There will always be people trying to talk you out of your worth, but don't settle for less. Know your worth and let them keep moving!

Don't let anyone undervalue you or question your worth. There will be someone out there who truly values what you have to offer. Your self-worth is not something to bargain or put on sale. It is priceless.

Life Lesson: Embrace the Present and Let Go of the Past!

STOP settling! In relationships or life, don't be afraid to strive for more.

Living in the present helps to forget the past and trust that the future will take care of itself.

Don't waste time dwelling on what "could have" or "should have" been.

To move on, accept that the past is behind you.

If you want change, take action and make it happen.

You can't rely on others to make you happy, find happiness within yourself.

Love is always worth the risk, even if it doesn't work out. Dare to take a chance, instead of playing it safe.

The Truth About Love

The journey to finding love can be difficult and confusing. Society often teaches us to look for our "better half", but in reality, love means finding someone who is your equal.

Remember, you can't put your life on hold waiting for love. It's important to take risks and be open to new opportunities. If it doesn't work out, it's okay to let go and move on. In fact, it's necessary for personal growth.

Love requires effort and someone who truly cares will do whatever it takes.

Don't be afraid to let go of things that are no longer good for you.

Trust that what is meant for you will come in due time.

If you have to chase a man or convince him why he should be with you, do you really want to be with him? You are far too fabulous to beg, crawl, manipulate, or convince. It's time to write yourself a big ole reality check and keep the change. Let go of that dead-end relationship and hit the highway to Loving Yourself Too Much To Wait Around For Someone Who Doesn't Love You Enough. Someone out there will be so excited, thrilled, and honored to call you his girl that he would never string you along. But you'll never meet him as long as you're clinging to Mr Wrong.

- MANDY HALE

Ridding Yourself of Toxic People

It's easy to hang on to people who don't value you. But when you let go, better things come along!

Benefits of Saying Goodbye:

You make room for the people you deserve

You gain the power of self-worth

You free yourself from toxic relationships

Don't cling onto the past at the expense of your future. Thank those who have let go of you - they've given you wings to fly! 👋🦅

The Art of Singleness 💃🏻

Being single isn't a curse, it's an opportunity to embrace freedom and discover yourself. It's a chance to brave unknown adventures on your own terms.

Work on yourself, remove toxic people, and let go of unhealthy relationships. Believe that someday, you'll be grateful for those losses because they led you to become the best version of yourself. Rise like a Phoenix! 🔥

The Power of Good-Bye

We are often sad when people or things leave our lives; however, they were not meant to stay. But this goodbye is not the end, it is the beginning of something new.

Farewells can be painful, but they also bring growth. People who bring negativity and toxicity are not worth keeping in our lives. It's important to set boundaries and surround ourselves with positive and supportive people.

🌱 Letting go can make room for new and better things 🌱

🎉 Don't dwell on the past, embrace the future! 🎉

🌞 After the rain comes the sun, and happiness is on the other side of good-bye 🌞

Choose Your Company Wisely

Being around unhappy people can affect your own happiness. Be cautious of who you let into your life.

Unhappy people will try to bring others down with them

Don't cater to someone else's insecurities or try to fix their unhappiness

Be selective in choosing who you surround yourself with

Take control of your life and happiness

Allow yourself to feel and heal from losses

Being vulnerable is a sign of strength

Remember, it's easier to let someone into your life than to get them out. So choose wisely.

Trusting and Living with the Questions

Relax. Breathe. Let go. Trust that the answers will come and the universe will guide you.

The journey might seem unclear, but the space between the question and the answer is full of endless possibilities. Don't ignore the love you have in your life, live boldly and let answers seek you.

Trusting in the process allows the answers to come

Letting go of expectations can lead to unimaginable outcomes

Remember to relax and breathe while waiting for the answers

Appreciate the love present in your life

Love doesn't require a romantic relationship

Embrace the magic of waiting ✨

Keep your eyes open for the little miracles all around you.

Focus on the beauty of the present moment

Trust in the unknown

Find gratitude in small blessings

People relate to humanity, not perfection. Trust that in the end it all works together for your good, even when you can't see it at the time.

Embrace imperfection

Trust in the bigger picture

Not all wishes are meant to come true. Some wishes are only there to teach us how to wait. They bring us not an instant blessing but a lifelong lesson.

Patience leads to growth

Lessons can be found in disappointment

Embrace the magic of waiting ✨

Keep your eyes open for the little miracles all around you.

Focus on the beauty of the present moment

Trust in the unknown

Find gratitude in small blessings

People relate to humanity, not perfection. Trust that in the end it all works together for your good, even when you can't see it at the time.

Embrace imperfection

Trust in the bigger picture

Not all wishes are meant to come true. Some wishes are only there to teach us how to wait. They bring us not an instant blessing but a lifelong lesson.

Patience leads to growth

Lessons can be found in disappointment

Stop looking for a hero and become one instead.

- MANDY HALE

Getting lost in life can be the beginning of a grand new adventure!

- MANDY HALE

Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. Trust. Imagine. Wish. Believe.

- MANDY HALE

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tennesseemensclinic · 7 months ago

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Tennessee Men's Clinic on the Best Way to Work Out

Tennessee Men's Clinic: How to Go About Your Training

According to Tennessee Men's Clinic, being fit and healthy should be the goal of all men.

The fact is that many men have their bodies affected and their abilities limited by injuries and disease in old age. What happens is they end up wishing they had adopted a healthy lifestyle earlier on.

A big part of a healthy lifestyle is exercise or regular physical training.

This is important because of how stagnant the lives of so many people nowadays are because of technology. Millions of people spend most of their day seated, glued to their electronic devices.

A seemingly mundane yet perfect example is the everyday routine of office work.

Employees sit down all day at their desks for eight, maybe nine hours. Work's sedentary nature heavily affects blood circulation and muscle development, among other things.

Exercising at least 20 minutes a day before going to work can go a long way.

Because of the limited time a lot of men have in their busy lives, Tennessee Men's Clinic shares some ways to make the most of a workout.

The Workout Plan

First off, there should be a plan, and you have to make it. A plan helps you stay focused as well as motivated during your workout. Know your exercises and how many sets and reps you'll do for each.

The Proper Preparation

Before exercising, warm up properly. Warming up the right way prepares your body for the workout and helps prevent injuries. Spend 5 to 10 minutes doing warm-up movements before you work out.

The Correct Way to Lift

During the workout, don't forget to use the proper form. This is important because it helps you get the most out of your workout and prevents injuries. Make sure you know how to do each exercise correctly before you start.

The Breathing Control

Tennessee Men's Clinic emphasizes the need to practice proper breathing during the workout. Sometimes, we hold our breath while exercising; try to focus on breathing deeply throughout your workout.

The Right Pace

Also, don't focus so much on your speed. While you should move quickly while performing certain exercises, especially cardio routines, don't rush through your workout. Rushing makes it harder to focus and breathe. It can also lead to injuries.

The Need for Breaks

Don't forget to take breaks when needed. If you need a break, take one. A five-minute break after sets can keep you focused throughout your workout. If your body doesn't feel right, rest for a day instead of going to the gym.

The Way to Keep Things Interesting

Finally, vary up your workouts. This will help prevent boredom, which can sometimes cause us to avoid workouts. Change up your exercises, the order in which you do them, and the amount of weight you use, adds Tennessee Men's Clinic.

Tennessee Men's Clinic shares important information on men's health and fitness, fatherhood, and more. Visit this page to read more articles.

#Tennessee Men's Clinic #Mens health #Work out #Fitness #Training

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mithranon · 4 months ago

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I keep thinking about this post and trying to do so objectively because this perspective interests me. I don't know that it is cruelty, though it is certainly ruthless. Mithrun thinks in a way that is very factual and to the point and I feel like a factor of that frame of logic can be a sense of cruelty, but that he is punishing Thistle...? I don't know. It's an interesting take, but I have a hard time attributing malice, and it isn't "I like him" that results in this. It's more like... acts of cruelty can seem intentional even when they're not necessarily. Thistle is the biggest threat and while I can see the perspective of playing with him, and agree that it is very ruthless, I don't know that the aim is to punish Thistle, and can see the perspective of Mithrun simply thinking objectively and efficiently, machine-like, about the goal. I don't want to say he isn't self aware, but he's also incredibly single-minded, and I think this results in a fair amount of forgetting, even beyond his lack of care. I think he's closer than ever to his goal, and he could end the dungeon right then and there, and while he may believe himself to be right and helping, or trying to in his own way, he's failing to do so because he's actually quite restless and impulsive, and it's right there in his hands.

As someone who has experienced severe and intense burnout from chasing things similarly, I think he is trying to give Thistle genuine advice, and wants him to free himself by telling him the truth, but I believe half of the problem is that he's doing it in a way that would work for him, not understanding Thistle, nor really trying, because I do think he wants to help, and we're told and shown this, Mithrun seems to feel a great personal responsibility for the things that have happened around him, and a desire to do something about these things, possibly in part because of a low sense of self worth that makes him feel that it should be him who places himself on the line rather than anyone else, but sometimes wanting to help hurts more than it fixes if you can't reach people where they are. You see this with Marcille, too. He's aggressive and he is absolutely self-sabotaging his chances to convince anyone, because he's caught up in his goals, incredibly narrowly focused, and pretty much actively makes it worse because, while he wants to help people, he is still failing to do it in a way that is right.

And then I want to talk about pre-Dungeon Mithrun, who I feel was also doing this, where he was trying very hard to be "good" (and morality is often seen this way, where being small, unobtrusive, not causing any problems, is what constitutes for "good" behavior) so I think in both cases, he is trying too hard, overextending, and hurting himself as well as others because he is a bit unbending. He wants desperately to reach his goals, whether he wants to be loved or to die, but he's consistently a character who fails to manage that because, try though he might, to try means nothing if you are not doing it right. He keeps doing it wrong, where pre-Dungeon, he isn't actually bettering himself any, he's just hiding inside his own shell, envious and jealous and very inferior-feeling, and he builds to hide it away, but there is never a moment where he's connecting with others. He actively isolates and holds himself at the corner. He refuses to be vulnerable because he has to be in control, and he wants to change, I think, but the fear is too large. He gets in his own way.

And post-Dungeon, he really does care. I think he's always cared, but it can be hard to manage these things in healthy ways when you've lived in a way that was fundamentally unhealthy. There's work yet to be undone so that he can do it properly. And you can see the thoughtfulness in at least some of his actions, the way he looks at Marcille, saying "Free yourself" to Thistle, because that is what he wants, and I think in delivering the facts so blunt and straightforward, he likely does see it as useful (we're shown that this is essentially how his brain works), but I don't think he's considering how it could be unhelpful to do that to someone like Thistle. That there are certain things he fails to see.

It isn't a lack of awareness or social cues, but the single-minded focus, the restlessness, the impulsive behavior, being so close that he gets impatient and loses his composure.

"Useful" isn't necessarily "helpful", though. And he is too angry, acting too rashly, not thinking as well as he would, and not necessarily aware of that in the moment because I don't really imagine that he can feel his feelings in the moment they exist. It's likely something that requires reflection.

However, there's much here I agree with, and I really enjoy this perspective because it made me think. I don't see it as cruelty, myself, as I stated, but I think that's because I'm not registering any "intent", and I guess, really, does intent matter after a point? I would say it doesn't, really, because you still have to do better and try to reach people.

Mithrun is just... He's a knife, albeit a blunt one, and I think that, with his care gone and so his veneer, too, in the heat of the moment, he does not yet know how to be anything other than a knife. To be better.

I see it as a genuine attempt that misses the mark because it really is cruel, whether or not he means that, subconsciously or otherwise, and this is because he has so much work to do, and a half of that is realizing that he hasn't totally lost himself the way he believes, that there is so much left behind of the person he was before.

Generally speaking, I know we're told he has no desires, but we see no desires in a character like Thistle, who can't get up on his own, and Kabru says as much about him not being able to access the awareness of these things but certainly still needing to, still feeling, and I feel like there's some allegory for alexithymia the way that it takes him time to realize his desire was to be eaten. That's a great example of having a feeling you can't place in the moment, requiring lots of reflection to access these parts of yourself. I won't say "He didn't lose anything", but I think he really didn't lose as much as he believes. To do that work, though, he has to go back to who he was, because there's definitely a lot of that still in there, even if he no longer feels the anger and envy and resentment, he's still not done the work, and to be fair, he has no time for that kind of therapeutic work, but as you said, you can do a lot of damage with these misplaced feelings, of trying to help but wrong, and the way those things and the person he was and how he feels about it intermingle, it is absolutely a toxic mixture.

I don't know if I really added anything to this. I just had a lot of Thoughts™️. I guess that's all of them, though?

thinking about this post again, and what malewifesband points out in the reblogs about Mithrun's violence towards Thistle vs his violence towards the shadow governor

i hadn't made that comparison myself before, but it truly is such a striking difference, and because Thistle is my special little guy i've been mulling over it

i think it's interesting that Mithrun's behavior towards Thistle is not only violent and frightening but outright cruel in a way that he isn't even with Marcille

(which is not to say that he isn't violent, frightening, and shitty to her - the whole bit where he catches her out in a lie and then the canaries sit around shit-talking her mom and the fact that she's a half-elf is very bigoted and unpleasant!)

he scares the absolute shit out of Marcille, but his violence is very single-minded and directed. first, he's trying to get the books off her. then, he's trying to kill her.

with Thistle... it almost feels like Mithrun is toying with him. take a chunk out of his arm so he drops the book. take a chunk out of his thigh when he tries to run and grab it. chokeslam him to the ground and get on top of him and say The Cruelest Possible Shit to him after tormenting him physically like a cat with a bird.

now of course, we can justify. he didn't want to risk killing Thistle outright (although then we get into the questionable territory of "would being sent to the surface kill him anyway?" since he says the dungeon lord has their lifespan extended by the dungeon, and that teleporting Thistle to the surface would confirm if he is or isn't the dungeon lord), or he can't be so precise when he isn't able to touch someone and he's using his magic on them from a distance, especially with his lack of depth perception or whatever, you know

he hurts Thistle, who comes across like someone who's not used to experiencing a lot of physical pain, and then he tells him that the person he's dedicated himself to is dead, there's no point to continuing, and that the most cherished person in his life wished for his death

i do think that Mithrun, on some level, genuinely does want to prevent other people from suffering his fate, whether that means preventing them from becoming the dungeon lord in the first place or convincing them to give it up before they're devoured and left alive but empty. however, i also think (thanks to talking with @schniggles) that on a much deeper, more viscerally subconscious level, he wants to be eaten, and when those two desires come into conflict, the desire to die is stronger and results in what can at best be described as half-assery and at worst is outright self-sabotage

he tells Thistle there's no point to what he's doing and that it's time for him to free himself. charitably, one can imagine that he sees his words as the equivalent of a brisk slap to the face to snap Thistle out of his dungeon lord hysteria. but the thing about Mithrun is that it's not that he doesn't understand social conventions or other people's feelings, he just doesn't care

he didn't suddenly forget the concept of being nice or being cruel, or what it means to hurt someone's feelings. he just doesn't give a shit. it's not important to him. he lacks the desire to even make the effort for appearance's sake.

it's not like he doesn't know that telling the Melinis' elf slave that Delgal is dead, he never said what Thistle says he did and Thistle just misunderstood, and that Delgal wished for Thistle's death is going to fuck Thistle up. he doesn't care about how badly it hurts and he either hopes that the pain will make Thistle stop resisting or that hurting and tormenting Thistle this way will drive him to summon the demon. possibly (probably) both.

i don't really have much of a thesis statement here, just i guess an exploration of my thoughts... Mithrun is deeply cruel to Thistle and it's quite easy to imagine that part of this is because he knows Thistle has no status and no powerful friends, that he feels no need to even pretend to treat Thistle as a person... one could also easily imagine that it's because he's trying to provoke Thistle into summoning the demon, and one could ALSO easily imagine that there's an element of self-loathing to it, that in a sense he's punishing Thistle for his own past

#mithramble #this is an interesting post and i've honestly been thinking about it for all day or at least half of one #he really does do a lot of stuff wrong and i think it's good that he #oops #i'm not rewriting that #um i think is very good that he tries but yes he does a lot wrong while trying to help #and it does absolutely mess up the situation #the. trauma of his experiences is also still fairly fresh that he cannot possibly engage rationally with these things #it is probably retraumatizing and to be fighting actively while all these feelings mingle just makes him a fuckin MESS #it's not really okay obviously it's more like 'there are reasons for behavior but a reason is not an excuse'#the unfortunate fact of trauma and living in a #way that is poor and unhealthy is that so often #you really do become this scattered terrible version of yourself and he still kind of is that in many ways #he has a long long way to go to get better from here but yeah no it's like. work or whatever. but his personal involvement and everything #it's just a Bad Idea overall

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keefwho · 2 years ago

Text

December 31 - 2022

9:36 AM

I slept in an hour to help make up for last night. I’m still tired but I guess I feel okay. I don’t know what I want to do today. Probably nothing creative. I kinda feel like doing literally anything as long as I pass the time. I just don’t want to stress about anything right now. Tomorrow I have yearly finance stuff to do and then it’s back to commissions like usual. I’m still being soy about getting commissions done. I can never do it on time and sometimes I don’t even do the whole 2 hours. I WILL do the whole 2 hours if I have to but if I get any amount ahead I tend to slack. There is no solution to this other than buckling down and getting it done. It sucks that it feels this big struggle I have to look forward to every day but it should get better. I used to feel like that about my anxiety too but I’ve made so much progress from when I first started doing something about it.

11:17 AM

I’m sad that I tend to document sad times more than happy times. It’s because I want someone to reach out and help but that is never healthy for me to expect. Most of the time it makes me MORE sad because people either don’t take the hint or don’t think it’s their place to intervene. It’s not realistic of me to expect anyone to both know I’m sad and care enough to help. But I hate suffering in silence. Its probably for the best though. I’ll try to tone back the negative posting and focus on positive things more. I know myself in the future will appreciate looking back and reading about the things I enjoyed rather than only my troubles.

The only thing I’ve enjoyed this morning is getting cozy and watching Bluey. I might lay in bed and watch other things, or play Earthbound maybe. Its a good day to pour hours into a game.

3:34 PM

Maybe for every negative thing I have to talk about, I can bring up something positive too.

I’ve been thinking a lot about myself and how I behave in relationships in general. I know I mold myself around others a lot, maybe too much. It’s hard to understand when I should stop fitting to them and let them fit to me. I have noticed that most of my friendships in the past can end up one sided. I give in too much doing whatever they want to do but seldom do they make the same sacrifice for me. I always do it out of kindness and I honestly enjoy taking part in other people’s interests. It hurts when whatever I want to do is frequently declined. At this point I think I’ve stopped bothering even considering it. I completely forget that doing what I want to do with others is even an options. It’s why I end up playing singleplayer games only. My brain has learned my interests must not be compatibly with basically anyone. I know thats not true but this is how I’ve become molded by experience. Its really hard to break out of mental beliefs like this. This one is very deeply engrained.

I guess I’m also not sure who I am as an individual either because of this. Deep down I feel like I shouldn’t try to be myself because it clearly hasn’t work very well in the past. I’ve become aware of this and have been trying to figure out what I truly desire but it’s been a rocky path. I still really don’t know.

On a positive note, my tummy isn’t acting up and I’ve been keeping myself busy working on this present. At first I projected that if I focused on only doing it today, I might actually be able to get it mostly done. That might have been realistic but I had to shower and eat and today is a good day to have mom try to scan me again. No matter what, my goal right now is to keep doing something so I don’t get trapped in my own head anymore. I guess this isn’t very positive but I feel like I’m in mental survival mode. Like if I don’t get to the bottom of what is causing me anguish, I will break down again eventually.

7:11 PM

I’ve been depressed as fuck all day and of course now my tummy is acting up. I felt super okay all day now all of the sudden I’m in pain. It’ll probably just pass in a little bit but still. What the fuck. I really don’t want to be alive right now. No drink for me tonight I guess.

This seems unlikely to me but I was researching if vitamins can upset your stomach and there is a special kind of sugar they use that fucks with certain people. The vitamins I take have that sugar and I’m wondering if it could be contributing to my issues. I have noticed that for that week-ish period of my tummy being consistently abnormal, I was especially diligent about taking my vitamins. And the past few days which have been much more normal, I stopped taking them. I don’t know if it would kick in this fast but I had a vitamin with my lunch a few hours ago and now my stomach is hurting. I’m going to stop taking the vitamins for awhile.

12:11 AM

I still don’t know why I get sad like this. I guess everything I’m unhappy about in my life all comes crashing down at once every now and then. It’s all too much to handle or chip away at so I get overwhelmed.

In my pain I find my values, and as weird as it is to admit, I value love. I want love. I want to commit and be committed to.

I want to believe my friends think about me as much as I think about them. I want to believe they would care if they didn’t hear from me for awhile, instead of forgetting me and moving on.

I want to feel welcome and included which I can only do if I improve my empathy.

I want to feel like I have a purpose. I need something to do that makes an impact to others.

I want to be bold enough to take the time to do things I actually want to do instead of trying to “save energy” or put them off until later.

These are the things I can think of that would make me immediately happy. I’m sad that I’m lacking in these things. Soon I’ll go back to masking it and being generally functional but until I meet these kinds of requirements, I’ll likely keep plummeting into fits of depression.

I don’t have anything positive to say. I’m sad and I’ve been sad all day. I’m extremely worried about the future. I’m so fucking upset I spent today alone. I feel like a total loser. This is the kind of thing that makes me feel like I’m not cared for. No one invited me to anything. No one was around when I went asking. I’m just all by myself.

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moonlit-reveriee · 4 years ago

Text

Baby Blue

technoblade x fem!reader

concept: techno is scared of ‘corrupting’ the reader, but the reader’s kinda into it...

content warning // NSFW, virgin!reader, very minor angst?, small argument that gets resolved

listen to this while you read: BBBlue (Single) by Olivver the Kid

(this fic was heavily inspired by the lyrics of this song, so i highly recommended giving it a listen!)

───※ ·❆· ※───

When Techno found out you were a virgin, he was terrified. Not necessarily of the thought itself, but of the implications.

He’d never forget the look on your face when you told him. You tried to be casual about it, but he knew you well enough to spot the dusting of pink across your cheeks. You nuzzled yourself closer into his side. Whether out of embarrassment or something else entirely, he couldn’t tell. All he could feel was his heart dropping as the voices chanted at him to “ruin her”

Of course you, his pure sweet angel, would be a virgin. He once again crumbled under the idea that you had chosen him. How on earth could a person like you even think of being with a beast like him. Yet alone, giving up your virginity to him.

He hated how horribly turned on he was by the thought of taking it.

The voices had been relentless about it ever since. They were hyper focused on your every move, twisting every thought of his into something promiscuous. When you rolled out of bed in the morning and stretched, a small sigh escaping your lips, it was endless cries of “make her do that again” “you should fuck those moans out of her” “make her scream”

While making breakfast together in the morning, they wouldn’t stop telling him to “bend her over the counter” “take it right here”

Even at times where he was alone, the voices preoccupied him with endless thoughts of you. He was fairly certain they had forced him to imagine every possible way in which he could have you. “imagine fucking her against the wall” “you can be gentle for the first time y’know” “she’d feel so good writhing underneath us” “press her face into the mattress instead” “make her get on her knees and suck you off” “she’ll be such a pretty little slut for us”

He tried to take care of himself as often as he could, but it was becoming impossible to keep up with. There were only so many times a day he could jerk himself off alone behind locked doors. He was desperate, and sexually frustrated to say the least.

He felt disgusting for it.

After a week of this torment, he could barely even look at you yet alone touch you without the voices and his own guilt pounding against his skull. You couldn’t even think about broaching the subject again, because he was avoiding physical contact like the plague. He wouldn’t come to bed until he knew you were asleep, and would leave long before you woke.

As much as he tried to hide it, you could tell he was tired. Something was wrong, but you knew that he’d never just tell you about his problems unprompted. Techno was insufferably stubborn in that way. After several days of avoiding your gaze and leaning away from your touch, you chose to confront him.

“Techno”, you called for his attention quietly, trying to sound stern while remaining gentle with him. He didn’t turn to fully face you, but he glanced at the spot on the wall just above your head.

You struggled to find the words you wanted to say, so you settled on telling him, “Techno, you look tired.”

He turned his attention away from you. “Just a lot of work around the house this week. I’ll be fine after I rest.”

“Then come to bed with me.” You saw the way his body tensed and tilted away from you at that simple suggestion.

“I just need to write a couple letters first. You can go ahead of me.”

“Techno...”, you whined, daring to take a step closer to him. He gave you an almost panicked look, “why does it feel like you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you”, he responded quickly, trying to look through you instead of at you.

“Yes you have”, you responded firmly. A flash of guilt washed over his face at your tone. “You haven’t kissed or touched me for nearly a week now. I don’t even know for sure if you sleep in the same bed as me anymore. Fuck, you barely even talk to me.”

Angry tears threatened to spill down your cheeks, but you wanted to hold them in. Techno felt his chest tighten at the sight of it. He instinctively turned and reached out to comfort you, but forced himself to freeze.

“There”, you said, gesturing towards him, “just like that. You’re stopping yourself. Why are you doing that?”

He repeatedly opened and closed his fists at his side, wanting to have any conversation other than this one.

“[y/n], there’s just a lot going on in my mind right now”, he said. It wasn’t a complete lie. “I just need to work though it.”

“Then let me help you.”

“No”, he responded a little too quickly, “I- I mean, I just don’t want to talk about it with you yet...”

“Why not?”, you retorted, trying to squeeze any information you could out of him.

“I just don’t, okay? It’s uncomfortable, I don’t want to talk about it yet.”

“... is this about me being a virgin?”

“I never said that”, he replied, but the tension in his shoulders was enough to tip you off.

“Ah geez Technoblade, if it was that much of a problem for ya, you should have just told me”, you said sarcastically, “instead of avoiding all physical contact for a like week straight!”

“It’s not a problem, [y/n].”

“Certainly doesn’t feel that way.”

Techno huffed in frustration, grabbing a fistful of his hair at the root. He wasn’t sure if he was more upset with himself, or the fact that a few of the voices were still begging him to “please fuck her already”

“Love, I wasn’t avoiding you because I didn’t want it. They”, he tapped a finger against the side of his skull, “they want it so badly. It’s driving me insane.”

He breathed in and out shakily, trying to gauge your expression in the brief moments before he continued.

“I’m a monster. I’ve spilt more blood than anyone every should in a single lifetime. My appearance is more beast than man.”

He looked up briefly to find you staring right at him, a tight-lipped frown upon your face.

“What does that have to do with any of this?”

“I- ... I don’t want to corrupt your innocence”, he admitted.

“What on earth do you mean by that?”

“[y/n], you’re so perfect”, he answered almost breathlessly, “you’re so kind and so pure. Just living with me does enough to taint your reputation, I don’t wanna-“

He cut himself off to swallow thickly. He almost seemed scared of the words he was going to say next.

“I don’t want to ruin this part of you either...”

A heavy silence filled the tiny sitting room of techno’s cottage. In those few seconds, your eyes widened ever so slightly as his words suddenly clicked in your mind. This hulking boar of a man, an undisputed war criminal, was scared. He was scared of damaging you, your reputation, or your recently revealed ‘innocence’. Compared to himself, he saw you as a pure being who could be tainted by unwholesome thoughts.

If what he said about the voices was true, then his actions of the past few days would’ve made sense for him.

“Oh techno...”, you muttered softly, tentatively placing a hand on his jaw. His posture was curled inward, making him look small despite his size. He was stiff at first, but allowed you to lift his gaze to meet yours. He searched your eyes desperately for an indication of your reaction. You gave him a reassuring smile.

“Do you remember when we first met?”

A small wave of confusion washed over his face, but he nodded anyways. “It was at the festival...”

“That’s right”, you said, moving the hand on his face down to rest over his shoulder, “and do you remember what I did that day?”

“You threw an axe into Schlatt’s shoulder”, he answered, watching as the scene played out in his memory.

You lived with Niki in her bakery at the time, and witnessed firsthand the injustice she faced during Schlatt’s presidency. As the chaos after Tubbo’s execution occurred, you took the opportunity to hurl your axe where Schlatt stood upon his podium. The blow wasn’t fatal, but that wasn’t necessarily your goal. You just wanted to see the man in pain.

“It was a lucky shot really”, you admitted, “I wasn’t even aiming properly.” That managed to draw a small smile onto Techno’s lips.

“And do you remember”, you continued, “when I tried to confront the Butcher Army by myself?”

He grimaced at the thought. You had told him you just needed to make a quick trip to L’manburg for some supplies, leaving him at home alone to recover from the previous day’s events. You returned that evening with a sprained wrist and a couple large bruises forming on your body. None of them were trying to kill you, but you took a pretty good beating from Quackity just for trying to confront them.

“Why are you bringing all of this up now?”, he asked.

“Because”, you said, “this is the evidence that will support my next point.”

He looked bewildered by that statement, but continued to listen.

“I’m not a perfect person”, you resumed, “I have blood on my hands just like you do. I know it’s hard to compare to you, but I’m not devoid of my own sins. I can be mean, I’ve hurt people. I’m not a pure, angelic being who would quiver at a single inappropriate thought. I think you forget that sometimes.”

He let your words swirl around in his head; he couldn’t deny the logic in them. The evidence prevented him from denying the truth of your statement. He could almost be mad that you’d talked him into a corner, but he was more overjoyed at the fact that you knew him well enough to do so.

“And you know...”, you spoke quietly, letting your hand fall down to rest on his chest, “if you did somehow ‘corrupt my innocence’ as you say... I really wouldn’t mind that.”

Techno’s breath hitched in his throat. There were a brief few moments, maybe minutes, where he just stared at you. Then his lips were on yours; sudden and clumsy, but passionate. You gripped the fabric of his shirt as he grabbed at your waist, desperate to have you in his arms again.

“I’m sorry, I had to”, he muttered, his lips left hovering a hair’s breadth away from yours.

“You’re so silly sometimes”, you sighed affectionately, rubbing small circles into his collarbone. He gave you a gentle smirk before pressing another kiss into your lips.

“I’m sorry darling, I really am”, he said as he drew you into a tight hug. He took in your scent and the feel of your skin for the first time in days. It felt like he could survive off the feeling of your arms wrapped around his body alone. He wondered why he ever let himself be depraved of this.

“You know I trust you, right?”, you spoke with your face pressed into his chest.

“I’m not sure why, but yes.”

You decided not to reprimand him for saying that. You could help him unpack all that later. Instead, you brought your head up to whisper in his ear.

“You have my full and unconditional consent to take my virginity whenever you’re ready.”

Techno inhaled and held his breath, though for what, he wasn’t sure. It took a while for the full weight of those words to sink in. He leaned back to stare at your face, bringing one of his large and shaky hands up to cup your cheek.

“Are you sure?”, his eyes were wide with trepidation, practically pleading with you to tell him the truth. You leaned into his palm, indulging in the feeling of his skin on yours.

“I want you, techno. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

Techno was lost in your words. The sudden absence of guilt left his heart light and airy in his chest. For the first time in days, the voices were only a gentle murmur.

“she’s so beautiful” “she wants you” “make her feel good” “show her how special she is” “make her smile” “she’ll be so pretty” “she’s always pretty” “be gentle, no need to rush”

“make love to her”

“... I think I’m ready now.”

───※ ·❆· ※───

ayyyy guess who finally finished writing something!!!

parts of this feel a little rushed but ehhhhhh i was just excited to finally post it. i looove writing techno as an extremely self-conscious character who’s too caught up in their own head to see how ridiculous they’re being. so, this was a treat for me to write

i hope you enjoyed :D

-moonlight

#c!techno #red:moon #mcyt x reader #techno x reader #technoblade x reader #mcyt smut #techno smut

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elowenp · 3 years ago

Text

“What do you want?” Barbara asks, voice crackling with static.

It’s a silly question. Tim wants crime rates to go down. Tim wants Gotham to be a safer city. Tim wants to be a part of making that happen.

“A code name that isn’t stupid.” he says instead.

Barbara sighs. It doesn’t sound like a sigh though. It just sounds like the static’s getting louder.

“Bernard Dowd, scholar of the ages.” Tim laughs, arm slung round Bernard's shoulder. “I thought you were meant to be the fun one?”

“I am.” Bernard groans, “as soon as these exams are done I’ll be back to the usual student life. Getting drunk, going on dates, Gotham won’t know what’s hit it.”

“Going on dates?” Tim asks jokingly, even as a well hidden part of him turns slightly panicked. “Any successes an old friend should be hearing about?”

“Not really.” Bernard shrugs, jostling Tim’s arm. “Just a couple of girls I was better off friends with.” He pauses, thinking, before continuing with his voice involuntarily going a little higher. “Couple of guys too.”

“Huh.” Tim suddenly becomes very aware of all the places where his arm is touching Bernard. He doesn’t move it. “Better luck next time.”

Huh.

Tim’s been avoiding Dick. He’s been awkward around him lately, Tim thinks that Barbara must have said something. He’s not stupid enough to have done something to send Dick spiralling without noticing it.

“What do you want?” Dick asks, curious, without warning.

Tim wants to ask if Barbara put him up to this but he knows it’s a genuine question. Dick isn’t manipulative like that, not with family.

What does Tim want? Isn’t it a little late for Dick go be asking that question? All the things that happened after Bruce’s death put a canyon of distance between them. It’s slowly been growing smaller but it hasn’t disappeared. Neither of them have had time enough to spend together for that to happen.

An awful, bitter part of Tim that hasn’t stopped screaming since Robin wasn’t his any more wonders if Dick would even be asking if Damian wasn’t out of town right now.

“For us to go train surfing.” Tim says. Petty. Just so Dick will say no and his anger can feel righteous instead of ill-deserved.

“Okay.” Dick says instead. Easy and confident. Himself.

“Oh.” Tim’s anger fizzles into non-existence. “Okay.”

The canyon grows a little smaller.

“We should go to a skatepark.” Bernard says, a little giggly from the beer in his hand.

There’s a matching beer in Tim’s hand although it’s still practically full. If there’s an emergency he’ll be of no use drunk. “What? Why?”

“Why not? You were so good in high school! And you had fun doing it.” Bernard’s tone turns a little less giggly. “You should do more things you find fun.”

Tim is surprised enough that the “Okay.” slips out of his lips unbidden.

So maybe the beer bottle is a little less full than he’d like to admit.

They borrow a board from one of Bernard's flatmates and catch a bus to a skate park Tim remembers using when he was younger. As they go Tim tries to remember why he stopped. He tries to remember when he stopped. He can’t recall the answer to either question and annoyance rises in his chest over it.

Then Bernard is saying something and it has Tim snorting with laughter and he forgets his irritation.

Once they arrive Bernard settles himself at the top of one of the ramps like it’s a throne. “Entertain me!” he calls, “Impress me with your wheel-board magic.

Tim manages a kick-flip on his first attempt and Bernard makes a loud noise of approval.

A lot of stuff comes back to Tim fairly quickly. Most of skateboarding had been muscle memory for him and that’s something that being a vigilante hadn’t exactly hindered. As things return to him he regains some faint memories of why he’d stopped. Nothing specific, just that feeling of not having enough time. Of thinking that going to the skatepark wasn’t a particularly useful way to spend his hours while there was still real work to be done.

Tim’s always been a vigilante first, but he thinks there must have been a point when that wasn’t the only thing he was. Well, when it wasn’t the only thing he was that mattered.

“Come on!” Bernard shouts, teeth flashing white against Gotham’s grey-black sky. “I was promised entertainment!”

Tim laughs. He seems to do that a lot around Bernard these days.

He starts moving on the skateboard, deciding to leave the existentialism for another day.

First Dick and now Bruce. Tim’s family has really been making a habit of being weird around him lately.

He would normally think that the Bruce was worried about him, that Dick had passed along some bullshit about his mental health and Bruce was practicing some silent vigil. The problem with that theory is that Tim’s been getting better recently, so there wouldn’t be much point. At least he thinks he’s been getting better. It’s difficult to tell sometimes.

Bruce has definitely been acting weird around him though, so maybe he isn’t getting better. Maybe Bruce spotted something Tim didn’t and he’s on the road to insanity.

“What do you want?” Bruce asks one day as they’re both working in the cave. Not Batman. Bruce.

It’s a far stupider question than it was when Barbara or Dick asked it. Bruce is the person who made Tim’s desires what they are. He’s the one who took Tim’s obsession and carved it into a goal.

“What?” Tim asks, loud and confused and maybe a little angry. “What do you mean ‘what do I want’? I want the mission! What else am I supposed to want?”

Bruce stays silent for a moment and Tim imagines him turning the words over in his head. “Nothing else?” Bruce asks. He sounds sad and it makes the anger drain from Tim’s body. “Just the mission?”

“I don’t need anything else.” Tim says hollowly.

Bruce just nods, thinking. It makes Tim want to scream even as satisfaction rises in his chest.

It’s always been a point of pride that he can to lie to Batman. He’s hardly going to change his mind about that now.

“People keep asking me what I want.” Tim says, sat on Bernard's bed. “I don’t like it.”

Bernard's turns away from the laptop on his desk so he can look at Tim. “You ever tell them the truth?”

Tim shrugs. He isn’t sure what else to do. “Ish?”

Bernard smiles. “Anyone ever tell you you’re impossible, Tim Drake?”

“Only everyone I’ve ever met.”

Bernard barks out a laugh before sobering up and looking at Tim with ill-disguised curiosity. “Do you want to tell me the truth about it? Or did you just want to say the thing out loud?”

“I’m not sure.” Tim admits, and he has to stop himself from acting taken aback by the fact he actually said that. Tim never says when he’s uncertain. There isn’t room for it. Bernard must know that too because he looks at Tim in surprise, then scoots his chair closer to the bed so that he and Tim are almost touching.

Bernard looks very cautious. “You know that’s okay, right?”

“I-“ Tim starts, because is it? Is uncertainty the kind of luxury he can afford? “I want to want things. But it feels like I’ve forgotten how.”

“You’ve had a rough couple of years.”

“How do you-“

Bernard smiles knowingly. “You’re not as hard to read as you think, Tim. Well you are. But it’s not difficult to tell that some bad things must have happened since I last saw you.”

“Yeah.” Tim says hoarsely, thinking back to the burn of his muscles as he dug up Kon’s grave, the stinging of desert sand in his eyes, the moment of confusion when he woke up in a league of assassins base unsure if he’d had to die to get there. “Yeah. Bad things happened.” He shakes himself a little, because those aren’t the thoughts he wants lingering. He focuses back on Bernard who’s closer than Tim had realised, worry creased between his eyes. “What about you?” Tim asks, trying to exert some measure of control over the conversation. “What do you want?”

“Thought we were talking about you?” Tim might have let it go with that if not for the note of nervousness in Bernard's voice and the red creeping up the back of his neck.

“We can talk about both of us.”

“It’s not important right now.”

Tim reaches out then. He takes Bernard's hand in his because Bernard makes him laugh and he looks so nervous and Tim wants to. Bernard looks down at their hands in surprise and Tim doesn’t actually feel worried. Just expectant that Bernard is going to squeeze their fingers together more securely. He does. “You sure?” Tim asks.

Bernard just looks at him. Mouth parted with shock. He seems to come back to himself though and his expression of surprise turns into something more confident. More familiar. “What if I wanted you?” he asks, hesitancy and confidence rolled into one voice.

“Give me some time to remember how to want things, and I think I’ll want that too.” Tim replies, just as unsure and utterly certain.

Bernard tangles their fingers together a little more firmly in response and Tim feels more hopeful than he has in a long time.

#SO URBAN LEGENDS HUH??#if dc say sike rn I am going to take that as a hate crime against me PERSONALLY #dc #dc fandom #batman #writing #fic rec #batman fic rec #tim drake #bernard dowd #red robin #timber #urban legends #batman urban legends #ngl i might clean this up and expand on it a bit and put it on ao3 #all the sections were meant to be as short as barbara's lmao #i'm so bad at writing romance i couldn't even get them to kiss #i quite liked how the other parts turned out though?? idk

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sugar-petals · 4 years ago

Text

♡ physical affection; levi

↳ NOTE. characterizing boyfriend levi, my passion project lmao! with some sexy moments included 👀

WORDS. ⇢ 7k

tags / warnings. ⚠️ smut, fluff, soft sub!levi x female reader, hurt/comfort hc, angst, shower sex, blowjobs + handjobs + boobjobs (yep. spoiling the captain), face-sitting, protected sex, soap kink, season 3-4 setting, no manga spoilers

Ready for a surprise? It’s not really about what kind of skinship he’s extremely selective about and what not. This is only something people would perceive about him at first glance. Instead, it comes down to how emotionally sheltered he feels. Because of his experiences, that predicates everything else. Which is why Levi’s sexuality is as complex as it is.

But also, in its sudden perfect expression once a person gives him a different perspective: That’s the time when he is touchier. The more in private, the better. The lights down low, with only a candle or two shining from another room. Broad daylight brings the harsh truths and the shaking ground. Nighttime is when Levi feels more intimate and open to caress, down his back and arms, the shoulders, the side of his neck. Done with extreme gentleness, and all of your deep respect.

If you offer him an environment of trust, Levi is open to almost anything and would even magically doze off in your arms for a little while. Breathing softly, resting for the first time in weeks, the brows becoming less tense the deeper he sleeps. You asking if you can stroke his hair (carefully, not messing it up or anything) is something he can’t say no to. The closet romantic in him will fulfill you any reasonable wish as soon as you’d ask anyway.

We know how receptive the captain is to a request, and how much there can be a soft spot for somebody in his heart. If you’re forward enough to just ask, Levi sets himself that goal and opens up. He is diligent with it just as you’d expect. That especially includes the things he says are „absolute horseshit nonsense“ and „disgusting, useless activities“ when reacting to newly formed couples kissing in the survey corps at the other end of the room. Is he a hypocrite and a hater? Actually— not at all.

Levi is a raised rather than born skeptic. Between courage and care, he is always gonna be torn. Both didn’t work in his favor at some point. But at the end of the day, he fears recklessness more than being cautious. Looking at these couples, he knows that they could lose each other the very next day. Or hell, the next hour. Not everybody has 200 titan kills.

Not everybody is a physically indestructible Ackerman destined and designed to escape death and outlive others whether they want it or not. And showing themselves this vulnerable out in the open is even more dangerous considering all the political intrigues, chaos, attacks, and espionage going on.

When he’s scoffing at skinship in the survey corps, it’s not his intent to ruin the couples and their little happiness in the present moment (nothing he sees as more tragically precious), or say only he can have a relationship because he’s strong enough to make it survive. If anything, Levi is the prime example of how all his connections were doomed exactly because of his status pulling in all the danger. He very well and painfully knows.

What I mean is: He sees the brutality of consequences that can create more misery than if two people would just go about their business. Levi already dreads that the same might happen to him. But after all, the behavior of others is easier to rectify than his own undeniable feelings for you. Which he cannot control in any way, which is why he reacts to others instead. Looking at other people holding hands, he’s also afraid how dabbling in love is a distraction from threats that can even backfire on uninvolved others if someone is suddenly in harm’s way.

Levi does associate physical touch with something that takes an otherwise observing mind off when it shouldn’t be. To him, it creates something so valuable that can become an unintended burden through all kinds of circumstances, he’s seen it all, it’s terrible he had to. And the reason why he has such a torn relationship with it. You really have to know your stuff to build a resilient little bubble where Levi is not constantly hypervigilant and either past- or future-focused.

Which is pretty damn hardwired into him. It’s almost impossible to bring on that kind of atmosphere spontaneously. It has to be ritualized. His intelligence comes with the downside of overthinking and having problems with spontaneous romance, it’s good to direct his thought into something that’s always done in a specific, structured way. You sit down with tea, put the candles on, Levi finishes cleaning his weapons, makes everything combat-ready and usable in seconds, and you carefully lay down on his impeccably made bed together.

Which he never uses, Levi sleeps in chairs. Or on the ground, so he can feel any titan steps in the distance with his whole body, using the cleanest possible mat or towel as a mattress and nothing else. The bed he basically just makes to have it neat, and for you, and to have a spot to lay together.

But yeah. He will never remove his harness. Not even when you’re sleeping with each other. He’s not once gonna risk having to put it on in a hurry. The only time you will be skin to skin with him is for not even five minutes under the shower. It’s when his cleanliness beats his anxiety around being always ready, which is why that’s a time to fully cherish.

And then, he really has no qualms about you wrapping your hands around his soap-covered torso in the shower anyway. It’s the only time his inner default germaphobe is not vehemently screaming inside his already heavy heart. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, this is about his demons only, confronted with the immense relief you give him. If the latter wins over his mind’s struggle, Levi might draw out the shower time sometimes.

The other voice that tells him ‚don’t make it end so soon’ is now finally convincing him. He will dial down the water stream so he can hear what’s going on outside better to compensate, to know if there’s any ruckus or approaching hazards. Levi has instructed a fast runner among the cadets to bang on the front door under any critical circumstances immediately in the first place.

Levi says he wants to save water, too. He won’t admit it, but he also turns the showerhead to a medium pressure to hear your calm, almost-quiet moans — the barracks have terribly thin walls — better when you’re sucking him off. Slowly, smoothly, not too much spit. Folded towel under your knees because Levi insists, and he is right. The showers in the survey corps have uncomfortable floor tiles.

He makes sure you won’t get soap in your mouth as well, I don’t have to tell you that he is very circumspect. Levi isn’t usually feeling overly heated in moments like this, but he gets hard and releases fast. You swear his cum tastes like afternoon tea with milk but you won’t tell him that. And who doesn’t like tea and Levi’s homemade milk, no complaints alright.

What’s still a shame is that Levi, always being in such a constant hurry and alertness, puts too much stress on his body for him to become horny all the way. In fact, he often forgets it. He feels numb, and can’t fully take in the sensations. Levi has not been able to feel a lot of genuine pleasure in his life.

A racing mind is an absolute sex killer, and his adrenaline spikes are so high in combat that most normal things don’t do anything for him. Which is why he brews his tea extra strong. But seriously: It’s a concerning thing. And it tells you to take your time. With his whole body, doing the things he loves the most. And what else could that be? It’s straightforward: Keepin’ it clean.

You make sure that Levi feels extra comfortable by thoroughly massaging his loins and thighs with a sponge during foreplay. Yes, you’re gently working him up. All in circles and light brushing motions. Lots of soap. Suave and bubbly, like silk on his skin. It’s handmade, with oat milk, lavender, and honey. For your honey. You regularly gift a new one to him to try out scents and have supply. You can guess how much Levi appreciates it, to the moon and back in fact. The present box is neatly stored on his office table where he can always see it.

Sending out its balmy fragrance throughout the day, making the room smell amazingly aromatic to him. His nose will never grow tired or accustomed to it. Levi puts the soapbox in a drawer within literal split seconds when someone who isn’t you enters the room. „Tsk, announce yourself when you knock…“ That could even be the newest recruit who doesn’t know anything at all about the place and people. But this is just a you and him thing.

Levi doesn’t want nosy questions from the squad even though nobody would probably even notice the soap laying there in its case, much less ask him about it or the fresh scent in the air because duh, it’s Levi’s office. But it feels absolutely personal for him — so he reacts sensitively about it. This man would probably protect your lavender soap with his blades if he had to.

The captain is very secretive about your relationship in general. Who on earth would go as far as buy him a new scented bar of joy bi-weekly? At this point, he would crawl on hot coals, needles, lava, ice shards, desert sand, and a mile-long straight of legos (laid out by a maniacally laughing Zeke personally) for you.

Although you wouldn’t allow any of it. Nothing should ever hurt those kitty paws, I mean captain hands and captain feet. You’d put Zeke on blast on your own, luring him with a banana to confuse his senses and then, whack, homerun the monkey into the ocean with Levi’s bristle broom. Problem solved. Anyway.

Levi wouldn’t hurt himself willingly that way either, the ice shards don’t stand a chance. He has sworn to protect his own life out of self-respect, to honor those passed by living on bravely toward the goal they worked for and being the one always coming home to you. You can rely on him.

So enough about gleaming hot coals and Zeke’s evil legos, back to the point — you already get what I mean. Levi might seem totally grumpy on the outside, but for sure is a devoted man, a caliber as always. He takes all of your presents to heart and is unbelieving as to why he’d be deserving of so much. You prove a point using the gifts as regularly as possible on his body. Where he can feel every bit of your fondness of him. And remember it with muscle memory. Oh shit, this soap does smell so good. As anything on him, who are we kidding.

Dousing Levi with all your attention is the best thing ever. He feels great relaxing with you, and his face softens up. He’s looking at you with a tiny smile in response to you whispering sweet things to him, all while you’re using the sponge on his legs, the chest, and ever-tense back that can definitely use some alleviation. „Thank you for cleaning me“ has got to be the best thing ever to hear from Levi Ackerman. It means the entire world to him. Captain, your mommy kink is showing. His arousal increasing is a natural side effect in no time.

Recently, you’ve been slipping his cock between your breasts as well, and it’s been slowing him down a lot after an eventful mission. While at the same time making him more in the moment, he really enjoys you gradually lathering him up like that. The feeling of skin on skin is amazing. It might be something that… often crosses his mind when he trains during the day, but he can blend it out for the important things. Until you do it all over again, and he ruminates about how much you turn him on until the sun rises.

You also never do a blowjob hands-free. Why would you, anyway? His body is amazingly buff and compact, you want to hold onto those gorgeous lil’ hips and his own hands that need a fair share of holding after carrying the world. You feel him twitching on your tongue when you run either hand over his ass and abs, making sure to trace across all his most erogenous spots there. What’s more: Levi feels really protected and soothed when he feels your palms on him under the streaming water, he can’t explain it.

That's why you like doing shower handjobs just as much. I don’t have to tell you that Levi really delights in them as well and his poker face regularly cracks a bit. His eyes fixate on you, you can tell the connection and involvement. He thinks your fingertips are heavenly, a welcome change to his rugged days.

He loves how softly they tease and stimulate him with the smallest movements and subtle presses. Yes, Levi doesn’t like rough action, those are vulnerable moments. He has enough brutality elsewhere, violently jerking him off and insulting him would be entirely inappropriate and even scare him.

He’d probably brush your wrists off right away, it’d be so uncomfortable in the silence of the evening. A tender chain of kisses on the nose tip, chin, collar bone, and especially forehead gets him going a lot more. The more chaste and doting the kiss, the more he melts on the inside.

His anxiety baseline goes down, and he feels like he can let you in. However you guide him and however you choose to indulge him with your lips, Levi is on board, quietly enjoying. Since it’s something that he’s still feeling so new to, leaving you the active role comes naturally.

Stroking him with a deep pace, carefully brushing your lips against his to give him goosebumps — Levi definitely grows into that. In those moments, he really feels taken care of, in safe hands, hands that will stay with him. He’s gonna be surprised just how good something like this feels many times. And be overwhelmed by pleasure to the point where it almost frightens him, he didn’t have that a lot until now.

The satisfaction of a spotless table simply does not compare. Just so you know: He will either be dead silent or mumble under his breath nonstop. That he is okay with you touching him below the belt and even take him in your mouth tells you how much Levi trusts you, how much he knows you love him, and how meticulously he’s already scrubbed and shaved himself beforehand. Yes, the sheer preparation. He puts a lot of work into his body. He couldn’t stand you becoming dirty.

That’s also why the shower is the place oral goes down. And even there, he uses like ten cleaning products to double rinse the stall and himself before and after. Mind you. He sees you eating healthy, brushing your teeth well. Your lips are very beautiful and a masterpiece of nature to him. So it’s not you who he thinks is dirty. Levi is pretty damn paranoid about his own skin and hygiene. If only he would think about himself the way he thinks of your body.

He feels like he has to earn it, be acceptable, and prepare himself endlessly to enjoy touch. Even then, he thinks he must be ugly and revolting. You have to respect him fussing about it rather than forcing him to cut down on his routines. You don’t criticize his perfectionism and see the motivation behind it. So instead, you reassure Levi your own way.

The more he sees you having fun and enjoying his body, the more accepted, confident, and clean he feels. Most people would like to see their partner play up the enthusiasm obviously (unless you have a ‚hiding his amazement’ emo boy kink, which is exactly why you like Levi don’t cha), but it’s particularly meaningful to Levi. Guess why he looks up to Armin’s mentality, and Hange is one of the few people who truly vibe with Levi.

She’s easily amused, dedicated, swooning, excited, and constantly eager. Levi does appreciate a bit of zeal in someone. If you’re a little ardent about touching him, it’ll give his esteem a boost he’s long needed, oh god. Nobody has the guts to praise this guy like that, even if he’s so extremely good-looking. Don’t let him off the hook there. Give him feedback, you’ll be surprised how much it resonates.

It’s already apparent to yourself how keen you are being touchy with him, hell, you’re so in love. Still, it’s a good idea to give him an idea how stoked you are. He doesn’t like it fast and brutally raw without a second thought, but passionate is a whole other debate. A simple „Levi, stay like this, let me do it“ or „Levi, you smell so good“ works wonders. Say what you think and his ease will set in. And I don’t have to tell you that you won’t look like sex is a chore anyway. With Levi, that’s an honor and a pleasure.

That he puts his faith in you and gives you his time is already a massive deal and goes against everything we know of him, what he’s used to, and how his avoidant personality works, being so ridden with losses. And it’s all because of how much you desire and approach him. That’s what it comes down to.

Even if he’d suffer decades from yearning, he’d not go out of his way to kickstart something, never ever. He’d feel like he’d cause you so much trouble. You wanting him so badly and treating his body like a treasure on the other hand changes his mind.

It proves him wrong all the way. There is still time to enjoy love, the chance is now. Anything else would plague Levi with solitude and self-pity all over again. And the feeling of missing you around in his rooms. Two teacups on the table until he grows old and grey are his ideal of a good life, after all. He will open himself to your emotional and physical presence, realizing how touch-starved he is, and how much it improves his life to have someone to kiss and lay down next to at night.

The even breath at the back of his neck gives him a sense of finally someone sticking around with him side by side, even if he’s gone during the day. It feels good and right to be wanted by you, and nuzzling his face into your cotton dress. Your commitment gives him the little smiles and the silver lining he’s been searching for. He can’t label that feeling, but it’s joy of life and humankind, more than just a willingness for it. He would stay forever pained and bitter if he wouldn’t invite it in now, and you won’t waste that chance with being silent.

You’re attracted to everything about him, tell him, make him aware. The voice, the hair, the mannerisms, his height, his abilities, his mind, his care for others, the posture, how soft his cheeks are, the list is endless. Levi won’t miss how much he’s your type at some point. Which gives him a lot of ease, comfort. You show him that his inferiority complex was an entire smokescreen in his mind.

He fucking deserves to be called handsome. And by the way — you can lust over him as much as you want when he’s made that time window for your couple stuff. It’s good if you make it as obvious as possible for him. Which is hard to hide anyway. You’ve been masturbating over Levi just sitting there sternly writing something. And he’s like why, and you’re like, it’s you! Look at you!

Levi does want you to touch his skin all over but it’s always sore. And he remains insecure on many days. So he only has particular comfortable spots in the first place. Since hardly anybody dares to touch him, and even if he pats someone’s shoulder nobody would ever be courageous enough to reciprocate, you would feel a bit like a lab scientist. Silently theorizing over him at first even if you really don’t have to. Other people say they’d rather run towards a titan than expose themselves to Levi’s moods, swords, and barking tone after trying to caress him in any way.

News flash, Levi has had such terrible moods since forever because there’s no affection coming to him from anywhere just because people decided he might not need it. And no, he won’t yell at you for touching. He finds it very sweet of you instead. Touching Levi always creates an occasion that will float around in his head for the entire day, that’s guaranteed. He sees how someone goes out of their way and cares for his well-being. He might not like it like standing in the middle of the whole corps, but anywhere else is fair game, at home anyway.

The pressure of dealing with threats he can manage to a degree, and he has lord how many coping strategies. The lack of love he cannot. Big difference that everybody seems to confuse. On top of how he has to be unrelenting in his position because battlefield and the Yeagers being a pain. Most people — except maybe Armin — see that as a closedness to touching altogether.

The whole world seemingly can't intuit Levi’s craving of gentleness behind the arguably pretty convincing armor, but still. It seems like only a few souls ever think about the Levi that sits down on his bed in the evening completely depleted. You have to make it clear to yourself and him that it’s obviously a one-dimensional way of looking at Levi Ackerman and not good for him.

Which has covertly shaped how he interacts with others in return like a vicious spiral, which is why he blames solely himself for his depravation. And, how severe and untouchable the circumstances made his character. Yes, Levi despises himself for being inaccessible and unable to change it on top, added to how it happened to him over the years.

Which he had pretty much zero influence on being basically at the gunpoint of life. It’s what you hate seeing the most and comfort him about with brewing tea. It definitely comes back tenfold, Levi won’t take it for granted when you brush out his hair and speak soothingly to him in the evening. „I don’t care, those are all reasons why you’re the apple of my eye“ seems to be what makes Levi’s heart a little mushy in particular.

He is very preoccupied with blame at the start of your relationship. Levi is torn apart by daily guilt and a constantly looming perception of failure to show an opening to his heart. He also crumbles under how the majority of people don’t take him seriously, overreact, or fear he snaps back into soldier mode — he doesn’t — when he does show affection.

That you gaze behind his reputation and touch him without prejudice is the most important thing to him. You can ignore his mad and gloomy expression, Paradis has carved it into his face for half an eternity (the other half is for you and him when this is over). It doesn’t mean he’s angry on the inside about you. The causes for his madness are way elsewhere, knowing his early story it goes without saying. What made Levi callous and broken-hearted are things very opposite to you.

Those who only see and enjoy his fighting personality probably want him as their poster boy, people who are reflected enough to bother with the idea of a private, cuddling Levi are the only truly caring ones. Because private Levi needs that physical and emotional connection the most. Patting his cadets on their heads is only a little, albeit meaningful moment. The teacup is still half-empty regardless if you wanna think of it in those terms.

Because he can only do so much in terms of initiative — which already shocks people to the point of paralysis, which ruins the moment since he assumes it’s not appreciated then — and it’s only one-sided. Giving isn’t fully making him happy even if it’s his only option given how most people perceive him.

The teacup only fills to the brim if Levi can let go for like half an hour getting some good ole kitty on your lap treatment. He silently lays there and enjoys your hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He looks genuinely peaceful that way. His hand palms gently at your thigh and knee, and rests there all tranquil while he ruminates about his day and how lucky he is to have you.

The whole ‚theorzing rather than going for it‘ thing stems from you listening to those people a bit too much at the beginning. Instead of asking Levi directly about touch, and to be fair: Not a single human being has done that yet, you try to figure him out at a distance. Which is also a good thing though.

You learn about many Levi habits others would overlook, misinterpret, or don’t think have any meaning. The more you learn about him, the more understanding you become, the more protective you will be, the less he will avoid intimacy. Because Levi really doesn’t want to shy away, but often his body has too much memory in it to be instantly receptive. So it rather starts with the mind, then.

The irony is. Levi rejecting bonds with others as not to have them weigh heavy on his mind when fighting will only make it worse. You make a statement to him that if he fully immerses himself in what you have, he can fight better and actually be without those godforsaken regrets he’s always talking about. That’s why when you’re having sex, you make him look in your eyes and kiss their lids, and wrap your legs around him very firmly because Levi has to know he’s deeply yours.

Hugs, the same thing. You squeeze the last curse out of him every time and tell him to hold you tight as well. You do have to tell him twice. Just because Levi is the strongest man in history, doesn’t mean he embraces very roughly. In fact, Levi is not used to this at all. Even more irony. Paradis’ ever-swearing, most badass titan killer with the physical excellence of a hundred acrobats can’t execute the simple act of putting his arms around you in a normal, casual way.

The why is the harder thing to talk about. Last time he got proper, truly loving hugs was way over 20 years ago. From Kuchel, during a time where he was too young to remember these things long-term. Let that sink in. It confuses him when he does it and even more so when others do. Kissing Historia’s hand even as a light official gesture was already completely unusual for him and a first time.

Levi doesn’t go beyond what he sees others doing in that regard. No extra miles, just imitating. Now think of him with something as big a deal as embracing his lover for minutes. He lets his arms just hang there and you gotta make him learn how to intertwine fingers or how to press his palms on your back. You’re the one holding him tight there, while Levi’s mind and stare go blank, he’s even more speechless and perplexed after confronting his uncle back then.

I’m not kidding. You have to ask Levi to be forthcoming with those things as well, it simply does not occur to him, and he’s unsure about everything there is to it. What a loveless world this guy is in. If it already frustrates you to see him struggle, imagine how deprived he must be. One of his inner blocks is, Levi has major jealousy of guys who are what he thinks a better hugging height. It’s obviously the other way around to anybody who’d be in love with Levi.

Of course he has the best hugging height by far. What’s not to like? He’s ideal. But in his perspective, imagine all these people above him wrapping around each other in moments of enthusiasm, shoulder-level on shoulder-level, or only with slight differences. And when it comes to him, it feels awkward because they feel strange bending down only for him and Armin.

And that’s probably the issue. Because it’s much better not to bend and try and intertwine, but just have Levi bury his face into your winter coat without a hassle. You don’t have to be perfectly chest to chest to make it work. Besides… romantic hugs are always a bit different. And, you invite Levi to do exactly that with you. Since Levi’s pet peeve is politeness, you’ll also have to show him the difference between mere courtesy and love, he hasn’t fully learned it either.

But just so you know. Levi is not a naive baby or raging bull in a china shop once he has given his love to someone. He observes well, adapts well. When it’s heartfelt, when it’s the right moment, it comes out almost by surprise, he’s feeling it and he will respond to you. With serenity and intent.

If there’s someone who can be unpretentious with physicality, that’s him. He just has to transfer that to romantic gestures and Levi will be the perfect lover after some time. He’ll end up like, „Eh, so what. We do this hugging thing!“ — Hilarious. Levi, knowing his battle tactics, does have a sort of innate courage to approach bodies: This time, it’s about someone he wants to give pleasure and gratitude to, though. Which will feel very different.

And you’re a lady he’s all whipped for, that changes everything. He might sort of try to lean at the wall next to you, to murmur about you kissing him after eating cake so he’s full of crumbs „and now I have to dust it all off again, hmph“, but he is not prepared for another kiss and you tickling him pinned against the wall (he’s not ticklish, but you still love it, and Levi has a thing for you being all over him despite his stoic face).

So yeah, Levi will be super grumpy and do the „Oi oi!“ thing, but also turn around so you won’t see the blush. Man, is he embarrassed. He will try to waddle away awkwardly to do paperwork, but no chance if you tug him back by the sleeve, dust off his shirt from crumbs, and squeeze his cheeks into a perfect Levi snoot. I’m telling you, he has a nice pouty face.

He might assume that you’re out of your mind because nobody has done that with him yet, but once you tell him that you just wanna look at him because every day might be the last, he sees the point of your antics. Merely saying you kiss him just because won’t make sense to the captain, it’s gotta have a purpose for the future.

So, you will tell him to always remember what your soothing lips do on him before he draws the blade tomorrow, and that he has plenty of filthy crumbs to come home to. „I think that’s right by what we’ve seen today“ is what he’ll admit, and carries you off to the bed to get grinding because all that stuff made him kinda turned on. Or rather, you grind, Levi on the other hand gets flustered. He complains about you being a tease at length since he’s having a huge she-pinned-me-to-the-wall boner.

You sit on his face to take it even further and as his favorite treat, end of discussion, your goddess is here mister. Geez, you’ll make him a hot mess. That dick won’t go soft anytime soon. You’ll talk to him about when his face is already ruined with cake crumbs, he has nothing to lose, gotta clean up anyway. The grumbling noise from below tells you that the argument is a good one. For good measure, you palm at his trousers to see his legs react and his voice suddenly hitch. Ah, it’s a wonderful day.

Levi knows a thing or two about holding his breath correctly, but what he likes the most is that he feels perfectly sandwiched between thigh Rose and thigh Maria. Yeah, he does consider them his personal comfort walls and hopes they’ll always be there. Congruently, Levi wraps his arms around them, in fact it’s locking rather than wrapping, and you’re like I see wow he’s serious.

On goes his tongue lapping away between your labia pretty much incessantly. The arousal is so intense, you have to breathe in yourself. Oh shit, Levi is gonna try to finish you off, shots fired. Not fast, but insisting. He does not bother with you panting pretty damn hard whatsoever. He’s calling people like that, but Levi might be the real brat all along.

Fair enough, he currently doesn’t hear anything, which he also loves the idea of. All day, people everywhere are talking nonsense, and now he gets to enjoy perfect silence. His ears are small, they’re easy to cover with thighs. He just goes on and on and gets you past lord how many brinks with a heated buildup.

There are a lot of evil things Mister Zeke has said and committed, but by far the most offending thing he has yet insinuated is that Levi is not popular with the ladies. Blasphemy, treason, outrage, éclat, trickery, criminal offense, international slander, the most grueling case of fake news since the horse left the building, and no, Jean is not meant. With those oral skills, any lady interested in him would get a permanently bleeding nose and something else permanently wet as you can personally attest to.

If Paradis would even remotely know what he can do in bed (and they would if Connie told them, he lives next door), even more people would run down his house than they already do to get a piece of him. Jesus Christ, the Ackerstamina. But I mean. People are probably suspecting it.

How can you not move like a god in bed if you can bend yourself into any Pythagorean shape mid-air. Him being a fighter also gives him experience with managing energy when you have sex, I’m not kidding. Levi can even handle you thrusting right back on his tongue, and even your jokes about how he’s getting the cream to his tea now.

Levi is already kind of dripping in juice. His fingers are sweaty, this time it’s something on his face and hands he prefers though. He won’t wipe it off just yet. So you take on the task to put a condom on him — kind of expensive, mysteriously imported, gotta make every one count my friend — and have Levi take you from behind to soil the bedsheets completely at this point.

Levi lets all the leaking happen, of course he notices, and yet he’s too focused on you gripping his cock hard all the way. So much for walls. Levi has to surrender to the thought of you squeezing him in any way you fancy at this point. That doesn’t just include the face, that much he learned. His cock is gonna fall off, you tighten up so much and make him squirm, Levi’s all blissed out.

He can’t handle your ass either. He just stares like the Founding Titan invented a brand new method to hypnotize the Ackermans or something. Although. Why’d you need to come up with something, though? People they love completely enthrall them already.

If we know something by now, it's that every Ackerman gets completely fucked in the head out of the blue and sent to another dimension when they’re with the love of their life, no hypnotizing device needed. Levi is clasping his teeth for his dear life back there. People asking him if he’s gone mad he’d answer ‚maybe‘, but if you asked him if this made him lose it he would admit it.

Since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands again, you ask him to place them at your waist. „Properly, now slide in, Levi.“ — He takes his time for the first few thrusts, grunts, but gets the hang of it, in fact he’s a pro in the making. All that vertical maneuvering can turn into horizontal maneuvering very quickly. Levi feels so strange and so good at the same time, it’s overwhelming. How can something he thought would be so dirty be this amazing?

And since this position allows him to penetrate you even deeper, Levi gets the full experience of being inside of you times two. The wet noise already turns him on, his body feels so warmed up, and he feels really shocked he’s doing this. Although his face won’t show, it’ll be concentrated as before. On the inside, Levi is losing it.

He can’t get enough of your body and how you tell him what to do, Levi will be driving it home in no time. You’re gonna have your jaw dropped by how lusty he can get yourself, but also love how he’s really breaking a sweat just because of your hard grip. Who would have thought. 14-meter class titans got nothing on you. Levi’s entire neck and chest is glazed over. You call him out on it, all you’re gonna get is a little ‚tch, that’s your fault, woman‘. I mean of course it is. He’s literally at your mercy. I told you he’s hilarious.

Little did you know that Levi will straight-up ignore his sweatiness and just continue, one heartbeat at a time, to really fill you out and make you feel good. Can you imagine. Levi dedicating like 20 minutes to make sweet love to you doggystyle.

He has a good feeling for keeping you just on the verge of cumming. He even reaches around to press two fingers into your clit after five minutes of figuring out his angles. You didn’t expect this at all. It’s as if Levi can read your mind going „but his hands are gonna get really messy, why?“ — he just goes on rubbing and says, deadpan: „Miss, do I look like I care.“

Some dirty things in the world are just there to annoy him. They’re not existing to make his life easier. And toilet humor-related things: We know Levi’s stance on that. Wet pussy on the other hand: Surprise. He thinks of it very differently. Levi is pretty caught off guard by the fact that you loving and adoring him is the reason you’re leaking so much.

It sinks in (um, literally) that you’re all drippy because you really want him inside. Not to mention that he constantly realizes just how attracted to him you are. Your desire for him, that’s Ackerman kryptonite. Levi doesn’t miss your eyes, nope. That motherfucker is a damn good face reader.

And— How warmed up your body feels in his hands, how you’re breathing. How you’re telling him exactly how to tilt to hit the good spots. How you’re sucking in air when he does just that. How you sound, grip the pillow, the sheets. Your goosebumps all over your legs. How your lips part. How you wait for every thrust. The way you tell him how good it is. Your pulse. Your own sweaty back, letting his hands on your waist slip and slide a little with the rhythm.

How he’s struggling not to moan his soul out and chokes back. How you’re softly moving to glide off, he’s gonna lose his mind. How much you’re enjoying him and how cute you tell him he is. Whatever you’d ask of him, he’s so ready to fulfill it. You having the absolute hots for Levi is probably gonna preoccupy him for the whole night while you’re sleeping and he sits in the chair.

He’s been shooting grumpy cat level eye daggers with extra Ackerpoison at the corps couples for walking around showing any signs of this. Making all those lovey-dovey faces or going to the back of the barn together. Levi has chased them with his favored broom to whoop-diddly-doop those horndog soldiers back on track, swirling his weapon of choice around to send a sweeping cloud of dust after them.

Whereas now… he has to deal with the fact that he really loves all that horny stuff. Cognitive dissonance 101 is striking him out of nowhere. I mean he’d not fuck in the barn, that one is truly disgustingly shittily bastardly filthy or however he’d word it, but you get the gist. He caught feelings and caught pleasure — and that’s such a good thing.

His problem is, Levi wouldn’t know how to fawn right back at you. Except saying „good job“ like he’d praise a cadet, but he decides that’s not something to say during sex. He’s very right about that indeed. So instead: He will always reply to you accordingly and with Levi-typical honesty.

If you say you love how he kisses your neck from behind, he will tell you he’s enjoying it as well because damn he loves that spot indeed (titans can tell you a story about it… Levi has such a neck fixation, that fucker). And: Letting actions speak the loudest with him. He’s a practical guy. Levi’s hands can to the most complicated reverse grips and all that crazy human Beyblade shit. Getting you off at his fingertips is gonna be his easiest exercise ever once he gets into it.

He doesn’t even do it to show off at this point. Levi is just that kind of a sex machine and eager to please, not to mention god, is he obedient and a giver in disguise. If Levi were offered the most luxurious, expensive tea available versus your breasts to suck on for a week given he’s free of titan duty… that cup is gonna turn cold. He loves the skinship and he loves giving you a fuckton of orgasms, as many as you like and as many he has time for.

Self-explanatory, this is something he will not feel one bit of regret about. Hours touching you is the farthest from wasting time to Levi. The less he holds back with his love, the more secure things become. He doesn’t feel the misery he thought he’d run into, nor does it feel like a reckless act that’s only something feeble.

The new soap every other week on his table alone reminds him you’re here to stay and like his every quirk, and make this a private thing rather than something to parade around. You never lied saying „Levi, you’re mine.“ He does wrap his head around the fact that all of this is happening with time.

Levi finds your relationship meaningful because it gives him feelings and exactly that emotional harbor he never had before, and he gifts you the reverence of your lifetime since Levi doesn’t half-ass anything. You reassured and guided him so much, he looks up to that, it breaks down his prejudice against loving more and more. That’s how you’ll feel intimate in all kinds of ways for very intense hours he can spare to make the most out of it.

From the light touch at his arm to making out until the candles burn down. And if you tell Levi to sell the deal and dedicate his heart, how can he not take that as a serious order. He has to be guarded to put his guard down, and that’s what you can offer him, and he will create something lasting out of it. Promise is promise to him, we all know.

RELATED: sub!levi hc (tea shop au) | life after war (levi’s happy end)

multifandom mlist | levi writings on ao3

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ariesjupiter · 3 years ago

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Mitski Birth Chart Reading

This is just my interpretation based on Mitski’s birth chart and what I know of her music. Let me know if you have any suggestions of someone I should make a post on next! If you’re interested, I offer natal chart readings, just check my pinned post!

Libra sun: In terms of basic personality and ego, Mitski is focused on creating balanced, harmonic relationships. Intimate, one-on-one relationships are a major part of her identity. Libra is ruled by venus which represents love and beauty. After all, she is known for her lyrics relating to her romantic relationships. The lyric “I love everybody because I love you” is so profoundly Libra to me. She is friendly and charming. She sees herself reflected and other people and people see themselves reflected in her (for better or worse). Venus also rules the arts and Mitski is a natural artist in every sense of the word. Her music sonically is very unique, inventive, and creative as she experiments with mixing different genres. This is influenced by her sun in the 11th house. Sun in the 11th house also indicates an emphasis on friendships and memberships of certain groups and communities. It also indicates an importance of her hopes and dreams. Her sun in 3° explains why she is such a talented writer, communicator, and lyricist. Peak libra sun culture: “Young adult romance is the shit” (a real quote from the queen herself). And let’s not forget her iconic quote from 2016: “I’m a libra so my sexuality is essentially “you can really be any gender as long as you treat me like a princes.” Truer words have never been spoken.

Capricorn moon: Despite how personal her music is, Mitski is a rather private and reserved person, particularly when it comes to expressing her emotions. Also, Capricorn is associated with the father and she has been known to be especially private regarding her dad’s career. She is serious and intense with emotions but can sometimes get detached. The emphasis is on having control over her feelings. She is ambitious and a practical person. Her emotions are connected to her career. Those who do not know her well may see her as cold. In temperament she tends to be melancholic. Emotionally mature and wise beyond her years. Straightforward and honest with her expression. She is dependable, loyal, hard working, & realistic. Emotional fulfillment is often tied to achievement and success. Her moon in the 2nd house and 2° suggests material comforts make her feel safe. With the 2nd house being associated with venus, she is able to express her emotions in an artistic way. Could be protective over material objects. Sentimental. Music has a big impact on her emotions and mood. Peak capricorn moon culture: “I didn’t really feel anything. I’ve stopped feeling things for a long time” - Mitski, The Fader Interview, 2017. In all seriousness, I hope my capricorn moons are doing good.

Virgo mercury: Mitski is practical and detail oriented when it comes to communication and matters of learning. She takes the time to choose the right words to convey her thoughts. She is clear and concise. Mercury is in its sign of rulership here. Her mercury in the 10th house suggests that she will be known for her communication style. Has a lot of thoughts but is also organized. Analytical. Mitski likes making lists. Loves to give advice. Mercury is in 16° (cancer degree) and she has a soft spoken voice. Talks about the past and her roots (cancerian themes).

Virgo venus: In love, Mitski will assume a caretaking role and will gladly help her partner finish mundane tasks and chores. A devoted and faithful lover. Love is about the mundane and routine details of life. Love is about service. Acts of service tend to be virgo venus’ main love language. She wants to help improve her partner’s life. She is patient and observant. Values love that is simple and authentic. Appreciates a partner with whom she can have intellectual conversations. May have a tendency to be too critical on herself when it comes to love. Venus rules aesthetics & style and she tends to have a modest fashion sense. Mitski has voiced her interest in astrology and how she has asked people she’s interested for their birth times lmao. Her venus is in the 11th house, she treats a lover like she would treat a friend. In fact, romantic love probably equates to platonic love in her book. She has her venus in 24° which is a pisces degree, which explains this natural interest in astrology.

Gemini mars: Could be impatient because she moves quickly. Efficient. Has a lot of goals and likes to keep busy. She thrives when she talks to others and exchanged ideas. Likes to multitask. Very versatile. Probably has a flirty, bubbly energy when she’s attracted to someone. Attracted to intellect. Desire to see things from multiple perspectives. Gemini rules the hands so she’s skilled with playing instruments and writing. Likes to try new things. Witty and humorous. Could have nervous energy or fidget often.

Leo jupiter: The planet of luck and expansion in Leo is a big indicator of fame. Her jupiter is also in the 9th house and in 7°. Jupiter in the 9th indicates being born in a different country from where you reside now. Mitski is biracial and has lived in multiple countries growing up. She loves to learn, particularly about other cultures and ways of life. She is open minded, philosophical and values freedom and being independent. She attracts good fortune when she travels (touring!) and also when she focuses on partnerships/intimate relationships (7°). Combining this energy, Mitski attracts luck when she acts dramatically, demonstrates/teaches her knowledge, expresses herself artistically, shows her warm hearted and sometimes stubborn side, & takes chances, shows her bravery, and takes the lead. Be the Cowboy is big leo energy 🤠

Capricorn saturn: Mitski is responsible, practical, goal-oriented, and cautious. With saturn in the 3rd house, she probably had to grow up quickly and become mature at a young age. Capricorn saturn people tend to be very successful people. Strong willed. Tendency to be quiet and is a good listener. Could also be outspoken. With saturn in 18° (virgo degree), she’s very hard working but she may need to learn how to take a break and let herself rest and recharge.

Capricorn uranus: This placement also indicates that she goes after her goals and is efficient and practical in achieving them. Uranus being in the 2nd house shows that she could make money from being unique and groundbreaking. 2nd house also rules the voice! Her values are unique and she could be resistant to change them. Her self esteem could be in a constant state of flux and be tied to money. Her income could rapidly change, like maybe she did not get paid much but then suddenly she starts making a lot of money. Uranus is in 5° which is a fame degree. She’s famous for being authentically herself and very much an individual in the industry that can’t be compared.

Capricorn neptune: Capricorn neptunes are most likely realists. She is skilled at going after her dreams. Her dreams are practical and connected to themes of wealth, power, and control. Neptune in 3rd house shows a dreamy, poetic way of communicating. A very creative placement. Dreamy vibes. Could be elusive in communication, open for interpretation. Neptune is in 11° so this gives aquarian energy. Idealistic with friends and always searching for ways to achieve her dreams.

Scorpio pluto: Her power lies in her ability to analayze human interactions and be introspective with herself since it’s in the 1st house. She is very self aware. Mitski understands that life is about going through changes and she welcomes the ability to grow and rebuild. She has intense, deep emotions but has control over them and how she expresses them. Pluto in 16° adds a cancerian energy. Her strength lies in her ability to nurture and be empathetic.

Scorpio rising: First impressions of Mitski can be that she’s mysterious and secretive. A powerful and intimidating presence. This explains to me why she loves dressing in black. She probably has a strong dislike for anything superficial. She likes to get to know people on a deeper level and connect with them. She likes honesty and is probably very perceptive and intuitive. Privacy is so important to her! She has a lot of layers and wants people to unpack them, but it may take her a while to open up. She is powerful and has endurance. Her presence leaves an impact on people. Loyalty and intimacy is important. She’s not afraid to talk about taboo topics or scary, heavier emotions. Passionate and even a tendency to get fixed on or obsessed with something or someone. Her rising is in 15° (gemini degree) so she’s clever, curious, and thinks quickly. a little more flexible than a regular Scorpio rising would be.

Leo midheaven: People might see her as dramatic or arrogant. In the public eye, she was meant to be a performer. At her concerts she’s known for putting on a good show & includes interpretive dance and choreography. She becomes herself more when she’s on stage. The stage is where she shines. Has a lot of pride connected to her career. Reputation for creatively expressing herself and being brave and taking risks. Wants to be admired, especially regarding her career. Her purpose is to become a leader. Mc in 22° (capricorn degree) shows that she is a very hard worker when it comes to her career. She won’t let anyone stop her when it comes to achievement and success in her field. Another indicator of being at the top of her career and being publicly recognized for it!

TLDR: Mitski is a natural born singer, performer and artist. She is unique, talented, and an introspective writer. Being earth and water dominant, she balances practicality & stability with sentimentality & raw emotion. With all of her Capricorn placements, she is grounded and doesn’t let fame get to her head. Her chart ruler is Scorpio pluto in the 1st which means that major transformations will be a big theme in her life, especially regarding herself & her identity. She is always reflecting and looking at herself on a deep level.

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batwritings · 4 years ago

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Okay hear me out, you are talking so someone and DreamXD gets all grumpy about it but you just tell him to relax. The reason he's with you is to learn how to blend in with other human, so he should be watching how you act. Well manz watches to closely and gets all bother. Later after you both go home or just somewhere else that's when he gets ya. He's all like “what?” as his whole goal is to get you all bothered, but he's kinda mean and he knows how much you love his voice so he uses it to his advantage.

I am so sorry I have personally put my own meaning on “fuck god”

Friend? Never apologize for putting that spin on “fuck god”. :) Plus, you’re playing into the voice kink, how could I say no? Enjoy~!

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DreamXD huffed as he followed behind you and he knew you heard it. “Are you gonna grump the whole time Mister?” you chuckled, turning your head slightly to smile at him. The god of the SMP had reached out to you some time ago for your help in blending in more with the humans he watched over. At the time, you had questioned why he wouldn’t ask someone closer to Dream himself, like George. While XD didn’t exactly explain, you let it slide, allowing him to shadow you in a sense.

“I just don’t get why we have to meet with this person in particular,” he grumbled, picking up his step to walk beside you.

“Sapnap’s my friend too,” you responded. You often wondered if XD and Dream shared similar emotions towards people. While you were told that they didn’t, adamantly so by the being beside you, you still couldn’t help but wonder.

“And you’re sure this interaction will help me blend in better?” He hums quietly, contemplative.

“Positive!” you answer, voice chipper and now excited. You notice your friend and one of his fiance’s in the distance and wave to them. “That’s Sapnap’s fiance Karl! You know what that is right?” When you can practically feel the eye-roll from behind his mask, you nod and lead him to the clearing.

Your interaction wasn’t meant to be long, just catching up with the two and learning about Kinoko Kingdom. You introduce them to DreamXD and you notice Sapnap narrow his eyes a bit. You assure the fiery man that he has nothing to do with Dream, that you trust the god and that he is indeed safe. The ravenette seems skeptical but moves on in conversation.

The entire time, XD is watching you carefully. Bright neon green eyes watch your every movement, listens to every word and laugh and noise that falls from your lips. He can feel his body heating up under his cloak and that’s when he chooses to speak up.

“Darling,” he coos, voice distorted and echoing. Something shoots up your spine at that, something you hope your two friends don’t notice. “Think we can go home? There’s something I need to go over with you, remember?” He wasn’t entirely lying, but even he realized it was a pretty piss-poor excuse.

You smile up at him as if to say “really?” but nod approvingly. You bid your farewells to Sapnap who takes a little longer to hug you as he’s afraid to let you go. XD doesn’t let that go unnoticed, deciding to file it away for later questions.

Once home you sigh, setting down your bag and beginning to settle back in. “Pet,” you hear him say, still awkwardly standing in your doorway. Another shiver shoots up your spine at his tone.

“Y-yeah?” you respond, heading towards your bedroom upstairs. He follows you almost dutifully after hanging his cloak at the door.

“I think I’m starting to get a better understanding of humans,” he says, voice low and seductive as he starts down the hall ahead of you. “You use words and embraces to show your affection yes? To show you care?”

You watch him sit back on your bed, legs spread for you to sit between. You do so without hesitation, something you did quite frequently with him. “Mhmm,” you respond, leaning back against his chest. “What’s with the voice big guy?”

Pale, freckled arms reach around your tummy to hold you close. They’re freezing, but not uncomfortably so. “What do you mean darling?” He answers as he his thumbs draw gentle circles on your sides, making you squirm a little in your grasp. “Don’t you like my voice? Like it when I call you nice names?”

“I-I do! I really do!” you exclaim. You shift in your spot to straddle his hips and look at him properly. Your gentle hands move his mask to the side, something he would only ever allow you to do. You were so special to him. “It’s just...”

“What, pet?” DreamXD moves his hands to your hips, clawed hands gently ghosting over slightly exposed skin. “I think it’s only fair. You got me all bothered under my cloak back there. I get to rile you up a bit too, hmm?”

The echoes and distortions grow louder as they bounce off your humble home’s walls. Only stutters slip from your lips then, leaning up against him until your lips meet, soft and gentle. You used to hate how gentle XD was with you until you let him let go once and couldn’t get anything done for the rest of the week. You knew he could break you physically and mentally all with his words and it really did something for you.

You felt his member hard against your sex and it had you gasping. It was always a bit of a marvel at how big he was, sometimes forgetting that he was a god after all. He chuckles when you gasp into his mouth, lips moving as you scramble to catch up with what he’s saying.

“What an eager little thing,” he coos, his claws tugging at your pants. “And all from my voice. Guess I should let you take me out more often hmm? I’d love to see how desperate you would get in public.”

You keen at his words, shifting yourself until you can pull of your pants and underwear. You reach to the side into your bedside table, hand barely able to keep hold of the lube once you have it. You slick up your fingers and slide one in, your hole taking your digit easily.

“That’s my sweet little thing,” your hear XD chuckle. His slid his member out of his lovely robes and you’re almost a little intimidated. Gods he’s so big, but you know he’ll be patient with you as he always is. You’re his precious human after all. “Add another finger for me darling.”

You do as he asks, knowing you’ll be stretched out in no time. One thing DreamXD became ecstatically hooked on after discovering it through you was sex. You were rarely left unfilled, the god loving how you felt around him. It wasn’t long before you felt the need to add a third digit, eagerly pumping them in and out of your hole.

“You’ll feel so good around me dear,” he huffed, smiling at you with bright eyes and sharp teeth. “My precious Y/N.”

A low whine leaves you as you quickly sit back up, pressing the head of his cock to your entrance and beginning the slow slide of him into you. You both are groaning in unison, him from the feeling of you sliding down his member and you from the almost overwhelming sensation of being so full. You watch with rapt attention at the small bulge in your stomach.

“So full,” hums, pressing a kiss to your forehead. His arms encircle you again, liking the feeling of your body pressed close to him. You wrap your arms around his neck as you slowly lift yourself off his length before sliding back down. “Just as I knew you would be.”

You’re panting just from being full of your ethereal lover, his cock pressing against all of your sensitive nerves. You know you won’t last long, you never do. XD never seems to mind, but this time he seems determined. He wants to reach that high with you. You watch his every expression as you ride him, your hole fluttering with each sweet word that gets warped and growled.

You start to notice a pattern; every time you pull just to the head of his member and clench, his breath catches. Using this to your advantage, your pace picks up, being sure to keep focused on each step as you ride him. Little gasps start to leave his throat, his words starting to fail him and eyes glossing over.

“Cum with me XD,” you whine, teetering on the edge. “Feel the pleasure of being human.” Sharp teeth bite into your shoulder, pushing you into your climax with force. You can barely register yourself being filled until you start to come down from your peak, feeling the wetness drip down your thighs.

DreamXD let’s go of your shoulder, kissing and licking at the open wound. He presses a kiss just below your ear with panting breaths. “Thank you, Y/N,” he whispers lowly. “I’m learning so much from you.”

#bat writes #anon reqs #DreamXD #mcyt x reader #DreamXD smut #DreamXD x reader #mcyt smut

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