#sometimes my brain makes connections n i’m like. the people of tumblr need to see this

[starstruckodysseys]

what it feels like waiting for new dimension 20 episodes

[shkudss]

Weakened by Eywa Pt. 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Masterlist

Summary: Ao’nung finally realizes that his actions have consequences

Warnings: curse words, bullying, mental breakdown, English isn’t my first language

Author’s note: it my first Avatar writing, so I hope you like it! This idea was spontaneous and I’m not really good at writing, but I hope you’ll enjoy it! I’m still learning how to use Tumblr properly since I don’t really use it 🥲

Yawntutsyip - darling, little loved one

Yaymak - foolish, ignorant

You thought that all these days when you flew to the water clans were the hardest in you life. Little did you know that life with Metkayina would be harder. You expected to finally live a normal life, doing your chores without being sacred to be shot by sky people. Now you’re safe, but things didn’t get better.

Since your arrival, these boys were bullying all your siblings, including you. You have no idea why it is important for Ao’nung to see totally similar to him Na’vis. You all are same avatars with slight differences that were unavoidable due to the environment you’re supposed to live in. Oh, yeah… supposed to live.

“What are you even doing here?”

“You’re so useless to our tribe”

“Go back to your monkey house”

All these words almost engraved in you mind without leaving space for other thoughts and hope. It’s been two weeks since you arrived and you still haven’t ridden an Ilu successfully, you can’t hold your breath as Metkayinas do. This makes you feel horrible and believe all these mean words.

“C’mon, Y/N, you can do it!”

Neteyam is trying to teach you how to deal with ilu and his voice is so calming, he really believes in you as an older brother. You wish you could just believe him, but insecurity lays too deep and securely in your mind.

“I don’t know… I can’t…”

Your voice was really soft and quiet as you’re the calmest child in your family. You don’t like loud sounds and fast actions. That’s just the way you are. Neytiri says that Sylwanin was just like you.

Despite being slower and more sensitive that other Sullys they loved and protected you with all their heart. Jake knew that Kiri and Tuk are different, they can deal with their problems a lot easier, while you cannot. When something bad to your family or yourself happens, you worry a lot and you won’t tell anyone about your worries unless they make you to. That was the hardest part of you character.

“Hey, are you okay? Do you need to take a break? We can continue tomorrow, don’t worry yawntutsyip.”

Neteyam was worried about your mental state, you were too quiet these days and it never meant anything good. Trying to make you speak about your feelings was completely impossible. You always think that your family has too much to worry about to burden them with your own issues. You want to be like Kiri and Tuk. That’s hilarious, Tuk is way younger than you but she’s able to deal with her emotions way easier than you.

“I’m good. Can we just take a break for like half an hour? I think my brain melts.”

You awkwardly smiled at the end trying to lighten the mood. Neteyam smiled back, feeling relief as you seemed to be just tired. He didn’t want you to hide anything from him and your family.

“Okay, yawntutsyip. I’ll go find Lo’ak and make sure his ass hadn’t get in trouble again. Kiri is on that side of the beach by the way. You can join her, she’s probably flirting with plants again. Let’s meet here in an hour.”

You laughed at his little joke about Kiri. But that’s a fact. Since you arrived here all she’s been doing is examining all local flora and fauna. You missed your time together in the forest, maybe now you’ll have a chance to talk and just be together.

“Okay!”

“Tell me if something goes wrong.”

You knew this look. The big brother look. Sometimes you think how hard it would be for you to live without your family, the way you’re connected to them something really fascinating. And one of your love signs is time. Spending time with your family and each member is the way you show love, the way you feel protected and loved.

You see Kiri laying down in water and looking for something. She didn’t see anyone around, attracted by… water? You didn’t try to understand what’s going on in her mind.

“Hey, pandora geek.”

You stood in front of Kiri and the shadow from your body covered her. Only after that she raised her head and squinted at you.

“I thought you’re with Neteyam. What’s wrong?” She sat on the sand, water was covering her legs a little. You did the same thing, hugging your knees and placing your head on them.

“We took a break, my brain doesn’t work properly. I still can’t ride ilu.”

Hopeless sigh made your sister chuckle, but then she saw your eyes. They were full of sadness, you were not happy. Kiri felt guilt, as your sister she had to be with you, she forgot that Sullys stick together.

“What bothers you?” You were not sure if it’ll be okay to tell her everything. But you family always encourage you to speak what lays in your heart, so you decided to do it.

“There’s a lot… I miss home, I miss flying with you, Neteyam and Lo’ak around Hallelujah mountains.” You were vulnerable now and this is one of those rare moments when you opened your feelings easily. Kiri was the only one you did it with. You could feel tears coming to your eyes, you needed this. “I just miss our way of life. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to get used to it. Especially, when you always hear…”

“Hey monkeys! Still can’t ride ilu? How can you be so yaymak? You’re both freaks!” you could recognize this voice in millions. “One sister has demon blood, another is too dumb to do things that even infants can do!”

Ao’nung and his friends were coming towards you. Kiri’s body immediately tensed, you could feel it.

“What do you want? Is there nothing to do?”

Ao’nung and his friends came closer and you both stood up. Kiri was looking at him angrily, ready to fight. You were supposed to have such a good conversation, opening each other your soul, but this bully spoiled everything.

“My goal for now is to get rid of such fake Na’vis like you two and your stupid little brother.”

You were furious, how dare he talk like this about your family. Yes, he did say mean things to you, but he still picked his words. Now it’s too much. Nobody can talk about your family this way.

“Shut up and don’t get close to me and my siblings!” You tried to get into protective sister mode. Kiri was shocked by the way you raised your voice. She’s never heard such tone from you before.

“Look at this! Little girl knows how to talk?” Ao’nung was teasing you and laughing with Roxto and the rest of his friends. “Maybe you’ll learn how to swim properly soon by the time my future brother or sister will turn 10. Hopefully.”

You clenched your fists, trying to hold all your emotions. Anger, offense, sadness. It felt like a hurricane of extremely high spectrum of emotions, which was hard for you to bear.

“Don’t you dare…”

You didn’t control yourself that you were coming closer and pushing him. The reason why you felt this way was in him.

He did this to you.

You didn’t care that he was taller than you and all you faced was his shoulders. You didn’t care that he barely moved as you tried to hurt him as much as he hurt you. All he did was laughing. It seemed like Ao’nung didn’t understand anything you said, like he didn’t see you breaking into pieces right in front of you.

“Calm down, you little skxawng!” It was a joke for him. For you it was your last piece of composure.

“You’re dumb! So dumb that you can’t even understand how much pain you give me! Every day I wish I don’t meet you so you won’t shower me with all your shit! Every night I cry myself to sleep because all your mean words you’ve said hurt me! And you don’t understand me, how can you be so mean?”

You were screaming at him and trying to hit, mental breakdown took over your senses. You could physically feel how your heart hurts and legs weaken. All sounds were heard as if from under the water, you didn’t see what’s going on around you. Someone’s holding your shoulders and pushing you to their chest to not let you fall on your knees.

“Don’t touch her!”

Furious voice sounded from afar. Neteyam. Your brother who always protects you, surrounds you with love you need. That’s why he calls you yawntutsyip. Little loved one.

You could feel your brother as he came closer to you. His steps were as heavy as his mood. When he saw you breaking down in front of this asshole and because of this asshole, he almost lost his temper. The way chief’s son was holding and looking at you, finally realizing that his actions have consequences. He had to drive you crazy to understand it.

“Back off! Now!”

He pushed Ao’nung as he got closer to him, taking off his hands off you. You didn’t realize it was him, who held you all this time. Was it long? Actually, everything happened in less than 2 minutes, but for you it was like an infinity.

“What happened?”

Lo’ak was here, he saw you crying in Kiri’s hands and Neteyam fighting with Ao’nung and his friends. He didn’t need to check on all details to punch Roxto and other guys.

“It’s fine, we’re here. Don’t worry.” Kiri was sitting with you and slowly swaying, while tapping your head to calm you down.

“I’m sorry, I…” that’s all you could say.

Neither you nor Kiri noticed how the fight stopped until Neteyam came closer and examined you. His eyebrow was cut so as his lower lip, but he didn’t care. Now he could feel only your pain.

“Yawntutsyip… my sister.”

“I’m sorry, Neteyam. I didn’t…” You were gasping for breath from crying, not being able to collect your thoughts.

“Shhh, that’s fine, you’re fine. We’re here, nobody will hurt you again.” Kiri gave you to Neteyam, he was calming you down repeating the same moves as Kiri did. You were crying, letting all pain, that was suppressed inside of your soul, to flow through you.

Your siblings knew that you need to feel it to let it go. That is the only way for relief.

“Let’s go home, yawntutsyip?” Neteyam’s voice was calming as always, he hated seeing you crying.

You just nodded in agreement, hiding your face in brother’s neck and holding him as if someone can take you from him in any moment.

Yes, most Na’vis are brave, ready to fight and protect their beloved ones. But you just can’t do it. You are the one who needs to be protected. Eywa created you that way and you can do nothing about it.

“Don’t ever come to our sisters, you little bitch! Are you so insecure that you’re afraid to battle with me and choose those who are weaker than you?” Lo’ak didn’t miss to say the last goodbye before following after all of you. He didn’t wait for the answer, he didn’t need it.

Ao’nung was standing up there and looking as your figures disappear. No words are in his mind, except for one.

“Fuck”

————————————————————————

I hope you liked it! I’m not sure if I’ll write the second part🫣 I have an idea but idk if it’s worth it, we’ll see!

[mirobami]

Oh.

My.

God.

That little story with Kirari and the arranged mariage you wrote was just perfect! I do hope you will write a sequel!

Anyways, here the third request (yes, I have a lot of requests lmao)

Ririka

Minigame: Hearts

Hand: Two pair (and I've found a pretty idea on another tumblr page, I don't quite remember who, but here is the trope : one where you share extreme physical sensation after you find the soulmate; if one of you hurts, the other one hurts; if one of you is getting lucky the other one gets a little hot and bothered

Anyways, something like that. I think it can be interesting! Thak you again for your amazing talent in writing!

↳ the bonded feelings

♠️ CHARACTER: r. momobami

♠️ MATCH: Hearts (Enemies to Lovers) + Two Pair (Soulmate!AU)

♠️ NOTE: YAYAYAYAYAYAY I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT I'm gonna have to keep track of which ones to make sequels for omg keep those requests coming in they're so interesting >:D

“For the last time, stop following me!” 

“I am not!”

You couldn’t see under Ririka’s mask but you knew that her face was flushed with anger towards you. You two had never gotten along since you first came into the school and were the first person to ever get the guts to demand to see who she is under her mask. She denied you at every turn, saying that she did not want you to see her. But due to you being her complete opposite, you gained an enemy just as well as her. 

When you weren’t focused on being her enemy, you had your sights on being the top gambler in the school. However, you couldn’t deny that there was something else itching at your brain: soulmates. At every turn, you would hear a gasp or a squeal and that was from someone finally finding their soulmate. You were told that some people had strings attached to their pinky fingers and finally found the person at the end of the strings while other people had a clock on their wrist, letting them know when they would meet their soulmate. 

Unlike everyone else, you didn’t have an obvious one. Yours was more discreet, and dare you say it? Slightly annoying. It was annoying how you would feel the worst feelings when you were at your greatest and you would feel a burst of manic happiness when you were crying into your pillow over something that happened earlier that day. Sometimes you were itchy all over and it wasn’t even a physical itch, which made you want to scream and claw at your skin. You didn’t even know who your soulmate was.

Now you were in the garden with Ririka right behind you and you finally whipped around to glare at her. “Look, I know that Kirari’s not here to cover for you so why don’t you hide behind your mask and go stand behind her like you always do?”

Your chest started to hurt as if you had heartburn but you don’t remember eating quickly this morning and your heart never did that when you were angry. Your soulmate was hurt.

Ririka’s ears were red and she stood her ground. She was much braver behind her mask, but it didn’t make her defiance any less great. “I’m not following you because I want to. This is the path to the secret garden I like to go to!”

“Oh yeah? It can’t be the same as mine.” You leaned against the tree and immediately jumped away from it with a yelp, rubbing your shoulder. However, it sunk in that Ririka had also jumped. Sometimes she giggled when you were accidentally hurt, but tried to quickly cover it up. This time, she jumped just as you did and her shoulder was hurt too. 

Oh no. Oh no. 

You pointed at her, declaring that you needed an answer. “There’s no way your shoulder hurts, you didn’t crash against the spiky part of a tree! Speaking of, cut it down, that was an offense to my entire bloodline.”

“First off, that tree is special to me. Second, my soulmate probably hurt their shoulder right now, that’s why I’m feeling it. I connect with my soulmate through what I’m...feeling...” Ririka stopped talking.

You froze. “Oh dear God, no.”

“I think we’re soulmates, Y/N.”

The birds in the tree comically flew away at your scream of agony and some people even said that they swore they saw some trees shaking out of the sheer power of the soundwaves of your scream. 

[bcdrawsandwrites]

Fandom: Psychonauts

Rating: T

Genre: Angst

Characters: Caligosto Loboto, Loboto’s parents

Warnings: Surgery, lobotomy, hallucinations, child abuse, EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE AND NOTHING IS OKAY WITH THIS (but there’s nothing graphic)

Description: Just be still, and you'll be fine.

Beta Readers: @jaywings​ and Rocket (who I’m not sure is on Tumblr?)

Notes: who let me write Psychonauts fanfic. also some of the phrases in this fic were taken from this site.

---~~~---

“Scattering sparks of thought energy

Deliver me and carry me away”

“Here in my kingdom, I am your lord

I order you to cower and præy”

- The Mind Electric, by Tally Hall

 ---

Sometimes it was nice to just lay down in the park and watch the clouds float overhead.

He often had a lot of energy, both normal and... well... unnatural, but sometimes it was nice to relax, especially when he didn't feel like himself. His energy was ebbing, and there was something… something...

"Can you tell us another?"

He glanced up. Several of his usual playmates were standing around him, their faces lit up in interest. He grinned a wide, toothy grin.

"The boy babbled blatantly but was blessed with a brilliant brain!"

"Good!"

The compliment made his brow furrow. Normally they might cheer "cool!" or "awesome!" but he shrugged—he'd take it. It gave him a warm feeling inside, unlike the frequent chill of his own home. Plus, he couldn’t help but light up as he watched the smiles on his friends’ faces—some of them were still losing baby teeth, he noted, and the progression was fascinating. He knew what he could do to see more of those grins, too...

Without raising his head too much—it hurt a little, and he could see well enough from where he was—he glanced around to make sure his mother wasn't too close by. Luckily she was way off in the pavilion, talking to several other adults. Good; she wouldn't see, and neither would the other prying parents.

"How about this?" he asked, and with a tiny bit of concentration lifted a few rocks off the ground, spinning them in circles. Instead of cheering, however, the children backed away, their smiles fading.

"Look, he's trying to—!" one girl whispered frantically.

"Don't worry, he's fine for now."

He frowned, dropping the rocks. "O-oh, I'm sorry! I didn't think they would see..."

"That's okay. Can you tell us another?"

"Disappointed dogs don't do dangerous deeds." Wincing, he closed his eyes—there was a breeze that seemed to pass over his head only, running through his hair.

His scalp felt cold.

---

"Go on, Caligosto. Show the doctor how you can pick it up."

"Like this...?"

"No, the other way."

"But... mother doesn't like it when I do it that way."

"Do as you're told, Caligosto."

"...Okay..."

The fish swam all about the pond, but came closer to the surface when they realized he was watching from his usual spot on the shore. As they nearned him, he settled over the grass, staring down at his scaly friends. The fish seemed to like his company, and they wouldn't snitch to his parents if he did anything they wouldn't like.

On top of that, he felt a connection with them, almost like the sort of connection he could feel with people. They couldn't talk, and they didn't have facial expressions… but he could almost read them somehow, more and more as he continued visiting. Now he could sense what foods they wanted, or when they were scared of a nearby predator. It was nice to help them out.

It was also interesting to see the different kinds of teeth the fish had—some had sharp fangs, some had tiny flat teeth, and some had teeth in weird places, like their tongue or throat!

"Can you hear us?"

He would have jumped, but that would have scared the fish. As it was, he leaned forward, his eyes wide beneath their glasses. "Yes! I can hear you!" He could hardly contain his excitement. "I'd always thought I could hear you before, but never this clear! Do you think—"

"Good! Can you tell us another?"

He blinked. "Another what?"

"Another phrase."

Oh, right. In his excitement he'd nearly forgotten that he'd occasionally show off for the fish as well, though he'd never been sure if they could understand. "Friendly fish flip-flop fast when facing fearsome foes!"

"Very good!"

Giggling, he settled himself back down on the soft grass. "I'm glad you think so... my parents always tell me to be quiet."

Apparently, the fish had nothing to say to this, for they remained quiet, swimming just under the surface and watching him. So he kept watching them too, observing the light that reflected off their scales. But one creature caught his eye: a small turtle swimming in place. It was odd to see to begin with, but the paddling of its little feet seemed strangely frantic, its front legs moving in big sweeping arcs. It didn't speak, but he swore he could hear it—

Away, away—

---

"Is that... all he's capable of?"

"I'm afraid not."

"D—Father, are we done? I don't like it here..."

"Only speak when spoken to, Caligosto."

"Can we see anything else?"

"Yes."

"I-I don't want to—"

"Caligosto."

"Okay, okay! Let me—"

---

The seas were calm, and he had worked hard today as a navigator (or was he first mate? he couldn't quite remember, but that was okay), keeping a close eye on the compass and making sure they were staying on course. They were nearing the shore, but for now, he was taking a break, resting against a coil of rope with his eyes closed, enjoying the smell of the ocean air and the feeling of sunshine.

And also trying to forget his headache—he was pretty sure he bumped his head coming down from the crow's nest.

"You're doin' good today, mate! Squawk!"

He opened one eye, noting the parrot sitting just behind him. "Thanks, Crackers!"

Birds hadn’t been something that interested him too much at first; what kind of silly animal didn’t have teeth? That is, until he’d learned that birds have a weird organ that acted as their teeth. Fascinating!

The parrot cocked her head at him. "Do you know any more?"

Oh right, of course the parrot enjoyed those phrases. "The pretty parrot perched upon the putrid pirate's peacoat!"

Crackers gave a pleased chirp, ruffling her feathers.

Wincing, he found his headache was starting to get worse, like a bad toothache, and closed his eyes again. "Do you think we'll reach shore soon?"

We won't if you don't get out.

He opened his eyes. Crackers was gone.

---

"STOP! STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

"What are you doing?!"

"I-I just did what you asked—"

"I didn't tell you to—!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Put him out, hurry—"

"We've seen enough, doctor. We'll schedule an appointment for your son next week."

"N-next week?!"

"Very well. He'll be there promptly."

---

The kids’ expressions had changed from bright smiles to tightly-drawn lips and wide eyes, and it made him shudder. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, it's fine. Tell us another."

"The store..." He paused, concentrating. Strange, he didn't usually have trouble remembering these things, but it must have just been his headache. "The store clerk stood and... stared at me in stupor."

"I would too after what I've seen," one kid muttered, only to be shushed by another.

His heart gave a pained jolt. "Wh-what?"

"Nothing!"

He didn't like the way they were talking—it reminded him of... something else. Someone else. Another child stepped closer to him, looking down at him with a furrowed brow and frightened eyes. He felt the sudden urge to scoot away.

You're in danger.

---

"Wh...where am I supposed to go?"

"Just in through these doors."

"Okay... Why do I have to come back here to the doctor, though? I feel fine."

"Nevermind that. Do you remember what your father told you to do?"

"Yeah! The fun phrases. I know a million of those!"

"Good."

"Would you like to hear... w-wait, who are all these people watching? Wh... what are those?"

---

The fish were swimming in circles and starting to make him dizzy. He rested his head down in the cool grass, but it did little to help. "Oh... sorry. I'm not feeling so good. I should be going home..."

"You can go home soon. Tell us another first."

"Ugh... My mom... m-my... mother makes a... marvelous... meat... mincemeat pie." Recalling these phrases was starting to feel like what he imagined pulling teeth felt like, but a lot less fun. Was his mother missing him now? How long had he been gone? "I... really need to go home now."

"No you don't."

His eyes shot open, and he shivered as he stared down at the fish. "Wh... what did you... say?"

"Don't try to move. You'll be all right."

All of the fish watched him eagerly... but the turtle was still waving its front feet even more frantically.

---

"Don't worry about that."

"N-no! I know what those tools are—I've read my dad's books. You're gonna hurt me!"

"Nonsense. Just lay on the bed and you'll be fine."

"No, I don't want to! You can't make me!"

---

The ship heaved up and down with the swell of the waves. His insides rolled with it, and he remained lying on the coil of rope, waiting for his stomach to stop lurching and his head to stop aching.

"You stopped. Keep going."

"Ugh... The newt... nuzzled in a... n-narrow... nook."

"Good."

"No, it's not, Crackers! I don't feel good..."

"You're fine, squawk! Try to distract yourself."

"Okay..." Opening one eye, he raised a shaky hand, lifting the end of the rope and making it snake through the air, though it shuddered all the while. It was a lot more difficult than usual... Normally he could lift several objects at once, and delighted the crew by juggling them. He felt like he should be able to do other things too, but what?

---

"Oh mercy! He's going to kill someone!"

"Caligosto, if you don't stop this at once, I will call your father!"

"So call him! I want him here! Why didn't he come with me?!"

"Oh no, he's trying to light the chair on fire—"

"Go get the earmuffs, now."

"MOM! DAD! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"GET THEM NOW!"

---

The sun was covered in clouds, and the humid air brought a promise of rain. Why were the other kids still here? Surely their parents would have called them home by now. He wished they would. Surely his mom would have called him, too, wouldn't she?

"Tell us another," one girl asked urgently, taking a hesitant step forward.

His head was swimming. "I-I don't wanna..."

"Tell us now."

Focusing, he managed to force his mind to concentrate. "She sniffed... and s-smelled... the stirring storm."

"Good, tell us another," one fish bubbled from the water.

A sharp pain like a broken tooth filled his skull, his insides felt sick, and the rain was beginning to fall. "I... I can't..."

"Tell us, Caligosto."

"B... Bernie read a book... b-by the... ba—babbling brook." He wanted to wipe the rain from his face, but he felt too exhausted to move his arms. "C-can I go... home..."

"Squawk! We're not to shore yet. Give me another."

He stared up at the blurred vision of the bird. "Why...?"

"Do as you're told."

"Th-the... hummingbirds... hovered... a-and hummed in... heavenly..." His voice broke off into a choked sob. "I wanna... no... I wanna... go home..."

"Caligosto?"

---

"I WANT TO GO HOME!"

"Get it on him, get it on—"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Where did he go?!"

"The monster's turned invisible!"

"I WANNA GO HOME!"

"There! Put it on right—there!"

"STOP, I WANNA—"

---

"...go home!"

He blinked.

"You are home, Cali," his mother said, beaming down at him with a wide, pearly-white grin.

"I am?" Blinking again, he looked around. Indeed, he was in front of his house, with his parents both standing on the front porch, as they had been when he'd left. On top of that, his head didn't hurt and he didn't feel sick. "I... I am!"

"You're all done with the doctors now," his father said, smiling. "We're so proud of you!"

"You... you are?" He stared open-mouthed; his father had never told him that before. "I'm all done?"

"Yes you are, dear." His mother knelt down, but he didn't come closer—something was making his hair stand on end. "Almost."

His stomach twisted.

"Just tell us another, son."

"N... no..."

The smile on his father's face faded. "Do as you're told, Caligosto."

"N-no... no, no..." He tried to shake his head, but couldn't. "I... I want to go home..."

The pain was coming back, spiking through his head, and he cried out.

"We're going to lose him—"

"No, just a little more."

"No," he sobbed. "No, no! Mom! Dad!"

The park was flooding. The fish were swirling around his head. Waves crashed over the boat.

He had to do something. Anything.

Focusing with everything he had left, he tried to think, tried to move something, tried to make something burn, tried to call for help—

Did—did you hear that?

Cali?

The agony peaked, and his vision turned orange.

---

"Ooooh... ugh..."

"Is this safe?"

"It's safe for us. The psilirium will keep him under control during the procedure."

"But can he still hear us?"

"Son, can you tell us one of your funny phrases?"

"Sure... grass grows greener in the graveyard."

"You see? He'll be fine."

---

There was no park.

There was no pond.

There was no ocean.

There were several doctors staring down at him, a great many more people seated in the theater behind them, and an empty feeling within him.

Something was gone. Something important.

"How do you feel, Caligosto?"

His brain was slow to work, and he could not form the words, but if he could have, he would have answered:

Like... a cavity.

[sadisticyouko]

"dont be afraid to reach out im mostly normal!" number one way to directly not appeal to me JGKZJF /JKJK LMAO but u should know back when i first made my tumblr my url was weirdobsessivenerd and Weirdo was literally what i went by as my name (then i discovered kinning and started going by rouge and now also kurama lol) so like. im Absolutely one to embrace weirdness and encourage it in others, so! dont hold back that unhinged-ness! its precisely what draws me to people HFKHZKG when i say Chill i absolutely mean someone that feels like theyd probably be easy to just relax n be myself around. hang out being Cool Bros. which basically equals being unjudgemental and a bit of a freak (said absolutely positively but i wont use that again if ur uncomfortable with being called that!!)

but ANYWAYZ yeah sending out asks n responding through that feels a lot less...... contained? whatever the hell that means for Conversations but its the vibe lol. exactly like what u were saying. its like im pokin my head out of my lil fox den and yelling out across the field instead of inviting someone inside bgksbfjnzf also yea i totally get the social battery thing thats Super how it is for me too. if were ever chattin n u just drop off out of nowhere and show back up in a couple days continuing the same convo i will not judge bc i Super Relate JFKHSJF

also im not like Super exactly like my kins all the time its more like an internal thing. they may not always reflect me but i still get the feeling of Thats Me. cant always explain it tjjsbf then theres the case of some kins of being exactly how i am irl and some i connect to so hard for one reason or another that i just absorb all of their characteristics into myself bkdjfkd i have a lot of mha kins bc it was my Big Hyperfixation before yyh completely steamrolled over everything in my brain lol, most of them are lower kins tho but my bigger ones are def himiko, la brava, ochako, and shoto!

tbh i kinda wonder how into yyh i woulda been if i discovered it when i was younger, it feels like i may not have been as into it as i am now? which is weird to picture bc rn im Severely hyperfixated on it, i cant imagine having any other sort of relationship to the series jfkdhkf AND HIEI IS SO. FUCKING. ATTRACTIVE. only the second character to break through my asexuality and sex repulsion fjkdjfkd i cant believe he actually makes me so wild over his muscles when ive literally never given any fucks about abs n shit all my life. his hotness is just too powerful fjsjf AND IM ALWAYS ADORING HOW TINY HE IS BUT IN REALITY HES JUST A FEW INCHES SHORTER THAN ME TOO BC IM 5'2" LMAO. but. i always picture his height in comparison to kuramas human and youko forms and it makes me crazy HFKSJKF little man i want to pick him up and kiss him as hes frustrated and flustered about being carried so easily like that and annoyed at himself that he actually likes it 🥰

also if u do like those songs lmk owo!! im always curious to see if others will like a song i recommend hehe. and if u like aggressive music then boy do i have plenty of that bc edgy shit is like my #1 thing i love to listen to HFKSHKF

Omg pretending I’m normal is how I try to fit in ! That’s my inner shuichi trying to blend in with this classmates 😂 I’m a little bit of a weirdo too but I like pretending to be normie passing, I’m like a snail hiding all it’s weirdness under the shell 😂 my first username was tsukisbadgirl so I GET IT 😂😂 I was SUPER into bakugou I mean I still like him but he’s been replaced as my #1 since I got into Tokyo revengers 😂 I will let you know all about my weirdness tendencies but pretend its perfectly normal like 2 seconds later hehe

& yea wild open asks are the best lol IDK WHY but it’s all so true ! I’m glad u won’t judge if I can’t reply right away cuz sometimes I need to disappear and then I feel bad if I try to come back later ! Ohhh the kin thing makes sense too ! Maybe I’m not kinning too many ppl from mha rn cuz I’m hyper fixated on Tokyo revengers now ! I kin like SO MANY PPL from there but I am hopelessly obsessed with it so that might be why 😂 (especially manjiro, he is plaguing my every waking & slumbering moment now 👀)

asbfoajsos Hiei’s MUSCLES keep drawing me back like a little magnet and I am RESISTING 😂😂 why is he built like that ?? I mean I know why but omg WHY DOES IT LOOK SO GOOD ?? i hate it, if Kurama had nearly half the shirtless scenes hiei did I’d be even more unhinged but they didn’t give him the chance !! 😭 SOBBING. I like to be the one that gets manhandled tbh but I feel like even with Hiei’s height he could still get it done 😏 and then im like NO ! INTRUSTIVE THOUGHTS I WANT KURAMA ! and ahdisnsiaosndk 😂 im mostly attracted to ppl based on personality rather than physicality but once im attracted to the person it opens the flood gates and all of a sudden everything about them seems hot 😩

But yes I will let u now about the songs !! It might take me a while like my reading list lol ahdisbskdn BUT I will eventually get to it ! I do things very sporadically and depending on inspiration level so I can’t be held accountable 😂

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

[unlocktxt]

hi 😄 i saw your reblog and i want to ask the same thing: what was your first impression of your moots?

First i want to say that I may of gotten a littleeeee carried away. I wanted to include as many people as possible, but some I don’t have enough to say. Despite this I might add more. I’ve met so many various people on this app and I’ve loved interacting with them all or just seeing them around. So much so that I can’t list everybody. I really love all my moots and there are so many of them that I’ll forever be grateful for. (yes i added a keep reading because this was so long and please excuse my gramtical errors)

@hoes4hoseok - our first impression was playing among us WHICH WAS SO FUN. I don’t remember much about talking to her in the game BUT I do remember that she was the first one to ever make the group chat filled with those who played with us. honestly I’m so grateful that she did that because I wouldn’t have been able to become friends with her and many others. I remember thinking that she was beyond kind and that she was good with trying to include everyone. After that I just remember hearing her voice and then DYING because she has a wonderful voice. I felt as though I related to you just a bit. Now I’ve gotten to see different aspects of her and really value her as a person and friend. She keeps things real and is so helpful. Sometimes I wish I could see what goes on inside her head because sometimes I think she reserves herself or overthinks and I’d like to give her a big hug.

@binniebutter - amie... oh amie 🙄 just kidding 😂 amie well... I also met her while playing among us in that same group. we played a lot with each other and I find that nice BECAUSE I CANT REMEMBER WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT DURING THE FIRST TIME WE PLAYED. I think I do remember laughing about her and gen tho. In our first gc I remember thinking that she had a bright personality and could keep the conversation going. I also find out we live about an hour away so I was able to connect with her about that (I also was so excited just because IVE NEVER MET AN ONLINE FRIEND IN THE SAME STATE) After that we played among us a lot together and I just remember thinking amie was EVIL. She was funny though and I felt comfortable around her. Now... I honestly think I’m pretty close to amie emotionally. It’s very rare that I put down my guard and talk to someone about certain things (I don’t really think I’ve talked to her about certain things tho) I still feel as though I can talk to her or that I can cry or rant to her without feeling judged. I don’t know how much she’s come to me about, but anytime I try to comfort her i feel like I get to know her better. I usually don’t start joking with my friends and being “rude” to them unless I know that they know I love them, which is why I’m starting to show amie sarcasm at times ☺️ I may of written too much 😅

@hyukaite I ACTUALLY REMEMBER MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF KAT. oml we’d send asks every now and then and I remember thinking she was a crack head. From the videos I’d see her post to that one drawing. Man if only I could go all the way back to it, but it was monthssss ago. I also remember relating to her about having to help our sisters with math 💀. I wanted to be her friend after seeing her interact with some of my other moots, but I was too shy to actually message her so I stuck with sending in asks every now and then 😂 then we started playing among us together. I remember thinking “NOOOO SHE STOLE YELLOW” which led to me falling in love with the dark green among us color JFKAJFLW. After that I remember getting betrayed by her in the game SO MANY TIMES. she killed me during the Simon says task... to tell you what grudge I hold... I still remember it. ITS SUCH A HARD TASK AND SHE DIDNT LET ME FINISH IT. She also killed me in electrical when I thought she was INNOCENT. Now... kat I don’t even know how to describe her. She has many aspects to her that I love. She also is able to help me think straight whenever I let my anger get to me.

@yawnjunie - I thought she was shy at first because when I first met her she didn’t talk much, so I felt bad because I thought she didn’t feel all that welcomed by us (no specific reason we were just introduced to blu so abruptly 😂) After that I think I was intimidated by her at first JFJAKFJERI. We also compared our schools and our grade mindset which I think really opened my eyes a little bit more. I still believe she’s really smart Zknfaltn. She makes me laugh though and she also started the network moacabinet. She’s really sweet with so many ideas, but I feel bad because sometimes I think she gets stressed easily. She’s not on much, but everytime she’s online I’m blessed with her presence.

@kkuming - gigiiiii! my first impression of gigi was fairly simple. We met on the au group chat and she seemed really sweet. I wanted to try and give gigi a warm welcome and make sure she felt comfortable. I wish I remembered more about our first meeting. I DO HOWEVER remember thinking she was v v innocent. I sat back and watched gigi get thrown into the group and laughed my ass off at how she interacted with kat. I was worried that because the others were already so comfortable with her and joking around about things that she may actually think that the “divorce” or whatever it was that kat and her had would make her upset, so I wanted to remind her that I appreciated her Zofnakfjeof. She also was taking a lot of stressful classes so I could only hope this girl didn’t die underneath all that stress. Now I- she’s crazy guys. Just kidding 😂 she’s still really sweet and jokes around with all of us. I’m glad she’s online a lot more now. she’s also really funny.

@lipbeom - I’m like 99.9% sure rynn was the first person I ever really talked to on tumblr. I thought she was a really good writer and saw that she was a senior as well, so I was glad that I wasn’t the only one on tumblr that was going to suffer through the last year of school. I was so glad when she messaged me first like Y’ALL HAVE NO IDEA. When I first met her I remember thinking she was really sweet AND BEYOND SMART. I’m really grateful for rynn and I actually miss her a lot because I feel like I don’t interact with her as much as I should. She was very supportive and still is. It’s only been a few months since I first talked with her but I’m reminiscing 😂 She also got me hooked on selling sunset WHICH WAS AMAZING but I was talking like the girls on the show for WEEKSSSSSSS.

@bbhyeoliskooks - I don’t really remember how I came across her, but I realized she was a new moa writer and wanted to check her out. My first impression... hmmm I guess you could say that I believed she was very grateful even when she didn’t have to be. Sometimes she makes me feel old 💀 but she’s reminds me a little bit of my sister... just way sweeter. She’s very loyal and anytime you tell her you’ve posted something oml she’s wonderful. She’s the type of person who is really supportive and I appreciate that, but sometimes I feel like I don’t give her enough of ittttt. I really need to go stalk her blog now as for some reason I don’t see her notifs half the time. I’m really proud of her and think she’s one of the sweetest people on tumblr NOT TO MENTION SHE SINGS BEAUTIFULLY.

@txthearteu - oml cj 😂 she is also one of the first people I talked to on tumblr. I don’t really remember our first impression tho :/. I DO REMEMBER I READ ONE OF HER STORIES THO and i sent an ask about it because she deserved the recognition for it. Hmmm at first I believe I was intimidated because she is older than me 😂 however she was so extremely sweet and I loved talking to her. I tried talking about various different things with her because I wanted our conversation to continue hehe. She stays feeding me 😌 and even if I can’t physically eat del taco I get full off of the love and support cj gives me. My eyes light up when I see her in my notifs. I think she deserves the world and I always want to be there for her. I don’t think I can ever repay her for the love she’s given me.

@sung4oon - SAM I SWEAR IF YOU CHANGE UR URL BEFORE I HAVE A CHANCE TO POST THIS! I met her when her url was... 👁👄👁 lixxie sumtin. I think it was lixieebear. I truly don’t remember her first impression 💀 the only thing I remember was thinking that she was also a crack head. She was really funny and sweet and DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE WHOLE BRAINCELL THING. I should’ve given her my brain cells for christmas. I still think she’s really fun to talk to and I literally try to remind myself as much as possible that I need to go stop by and send an ask every now and then. Even so she still says hi to me ☺️

@beomiebear5 - R A I N A. hehehehehehe I actually love this first impression for me. At the time I saw her anon asks to rynn. I saw that she was going to start posting stuff on her blog soon and she gave a hint about how to find her. Ofc I let rynn do that herself BUT I went searching KFJSIFIWFKW I couldn’t help it I saw it as a challenge. My first impression was rlly just that she was sweet. Then after a while KFJAOFJWOF I really love interacting with her and seeing her rants. Gosh she’s so funny and ✨inspires✨ me. I’m always down to talk to her because she’s amazing and sweet.

@magicisland9-34 - lillie ☺️ I honestly don’t remember our first impression? I do however remember when she first sent an ask! I would always get so excited when I got an ask from her 😂 I loved talking to her and she let me ramble on and on. Whether that be about gymnastics or ballet. Once again even lillie is sweet, but she’s betrayed me for siding with amie about Christmas 😤. She’s also one of the people that I try to remind myself to go and visit their blog and see what they’ve posted.

@spookybias - if I remember correctly gen was the first one who reblogged my about me post, which ended up allowing others on this app to see that I was a new writing blog. She was also one of the first people I followed and one of the first who followed me, so I was really grateful and thought she was beyond helpful and nice. I also really believe she’s a great writer and i admired how she would tell things how they are. She’s always been sweet to me even if she’s threatened to shoot me a while back 😤. OH YEAH we also played among us together in that group as well and I always suspected her at one point. IT WAS BECAUSE THE ONE TIME I TRUSTED HER SHE KILLED ME.

@bffsoobin - My first impression of Sara was pretty simple like I found her blog and fell in love. she writes so well and I’ve loved everything I’ve read from her. I thought she was really pretty and pretty funny too. When she’d talk about some of her stories revolving school it honestly made my day as well. I admire her especially because she’s such a good writer and LET ME TELL YOU when she followed me back I think I did a little cheer. I was reading her fics before I even started writing on tumblr.

@soobcxre - I saw Sara around because we had a lot of moots in common and when I saw them interact I would just think about how I wanted to befriend her 😂. When she texted me I got so excited, but I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN SCHOOL TOO. She’s also really sweet ajfjwkfjw and I’m glad to have met her.

@lovesickchoi - MADDIE 🤩 I.... I don’t remember my first impression of her 🥲. It may of revolved around asks? I think I ended up trying to get to know her more at the time I was trying to get to know yoonie. I say this because I remember always seeming to get their urls mixed up... I think it’s because the h at the beginning. I LITERALLY DONT REMEMBER HOW WE STARTED INTERACTING. She’s also an amazing writer tho! Now I still think she’s sweet and we’ve talked about yeonbin together 😂.

@sunoo-luvs - 🥺 zaara JFJAJRKSKF literally my first impression was “cute.” That still stands btw. She’s absolutely the sweetest and is really considerate of others IM SCARED BECAUSE SHE MAY APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS THERES NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR. Even so she can easily add happiness to people’s day with just a hi and a hug.

@i2gyu - I- first impression: scary. IM KIDDING wait... actually even though that was a joke because she used to stop by and say “boo” I MAY OF ACTUALLY FELT INTIMIDATED BY HER AT FIRST. I think one of the first times we interacted was about a network and at the time I was ready to join a network SO I FELT SO BAD FOR SAYING NO. Afterwards tho I realized how nice she was and I always end up getting a little energetic once I see she’s sent in an ask. One day I’m scared I won’t see her change her url or blog, but that’s if she does again.

@fairycore-gyu - I haven’t interacted with anyone new recently and when I saw kira that obviously changed 😂. I related to her with music taste and stuff. LET ME TELL YOU when someone seems to have the same music taste I JUST my eyes light up. She was really welcoming and I instantly felt like I could message her anytime. I also just realized she’s a pisces 🥺.

@yoonjunie - I just remember thinking ooooo new moa writer! I think anyone who comes across her can say she’s very welcoming and sweet + she deserves everything she has. I really just wanted to support her 😂 I need to interact with her more and read more from her blog.

@hyeyoonwrites - yoonie 🥺 AHHHH okay 😂 first impression: LITERALLY THE SWEETEST. I know I’ve said that so many people here are sweet but yoonie is a different kind of sweet. I don’t know every single time I’ve interacted with her has felt like a soft hug. She’s supported me a lot and I really need to check up on her more frequently I feel guilty about it aifoshf.

@txtextme - gon I- even though we haven’t talked much she’s extremely funny and relatable. she just has this vibe that I love about her. I know I don’t have much to say, but I had to add her because she’s left an impact.

@yeonbins - VIVI HAS WONDERFUL GIFS. Every now and then I’ll see her post some stuff just talking and akfjskf. I mainly remember (I think) Starbucks getting her name wrong. Her names so pretty tho. I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH OLDER SHE WAS THAN ME. I also played among us with her for a lil... I was scared she was gonna murder me 😂.

[yumatual]

bye bye 2020, hello 2021 !!

happy new year everyone!! there’s a lot of people i want to thank for making last year so much more bearable so i tried writing some messages for some of my dearest mutuals this year as well!! (keyword tried because i absolutely cannot put my feelings and thoughts into words. i love you all though and thank you so so so much!!!)

@angelhyunjin : angi!! i know you’re not on here anymore (actually i just found out . i ran to twt to find u as quick as i could!!) but it felt weird not?? putting you on here because you WERE a big part of my year!! i was always excited to chat with you and i rlly rlly loved (still do) seeing your art and your dance covers i can’t believe how talented at both you are!! you are really really lovely and even if it’s been a while i hope you know i still think of you and hope you’re doing well!! this year might have been hard but i hope 2021 will be much nicer to you because you definitely deserve it!! i love you!! 

@cinanamon : stephie!! i think we haven’t talked in a while until we started suddenly bonding over minho but all is well that ends well because now we are the founders of a minho cult and that’s all i could hope for in life i think! we don’t talk that much but seeing your tags in all the minho posts is always a TIME i absolutely love reading them! thank you for being there to lose it over minho, always, but also for being there in general! you are really sweet and i do love to talk to u!! i also know you are a really good writer so i hope 2021 brings you lots of inspiration to write more!! (and i’ll finally catch up on your fics too! hehe) happy new year!! 

@cocogoat : puppy !! i think we haven’t been friends for long actually and that sounds fake because that would mean there was a time i didn’t instinctively check your blog when i woke up in the morning (or the evening let’s be real)?? you are so! adorable and for what!!!!!! i really do love seeing you pop up in my phone notifs and reading your posts even if i dont have any idea what they’re saying half of the time unless it’s dgrp (i cannot believe i have a dgrp friend now. amazing i think i won) u are so funny and so cute and i’m really glad i got to know you because!! you’re such a nice friend that i! love! times can be hard but i hope 2021 is gentle with you because that is! what! you deserve! gentle pats and tight hugs! (maybe that’s why i associate ab6ix’s heaven with you it’s the gentle vibes) <3

@glossiers : miss bri i am in love w u that’s it. no i’m kidding that’s not it i have much more to say . i am in lov w u though #brillie2k21 i think. i think it’s been a surprisingly short time since we’ve actually started talking?? which is kinda crazy if u ask me because?? how the hell did i live my life without screaming BRIIIII whenever i see u on the dash like for real how . that sounds like a life so empty like. that would rlly be missing . something?? anyways u are a dear dear friend that i really really love and i’m sure you know that but i will keep saying it anyway! i’m sure i’m pretty annoying so thanks for putting up with me! and for talking to me! i feel like i’ve said it before but! you are a delight to see on the dash and i lovlovlov talking to u (and sending u pics of my cats, thank u for appreciating them). i still cannot believe u managed to convince yourself i was a hyeongjun stan though. hope i can be convincing enough to clear that up and leave no doubts in your brain this year. anyways i love you and i hope we can continue to be friends and talk even MORE this year!!!!!! happy new year ilu <3

@hwacinth : miss dia my sweet sweet floral nymph real life shirayuki and queen of urls! i am? so so so so so glad that we are friends you literally have my heart it is YOURS i can’t even try to claim it back!! you literally are shirayuki i don’t even know how to elaborate i think it’s just self-explanatory but you are just. such a sweet little sunshine!! it’s like you bring spring everywhere you go!! we could be in a middle of a metaphorical storm but when you appear the skies clear up and flowers bloom wherever you step and i cannot help but smile when i see you online!! thank you so so much for being my little ray of sunshine in these tough times! i hope to see even more of your posts this year!! don’t hesitate to live blog anything you watch in my dms if you feel like you’re posting too much (but i hope you never feel that way because you’re not . love seeing u live post it is absolutely amazing i won’t ever get tired of it)!! happy new year and i love you!! ps only 1 more hour until your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIA ILUUU <3 I HOPE YOU CAN HAVE A WONDERFUL ONE!! IM SENDING YOU CAKE TELEPATHICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@hwisgf : sorinaaaa! happy new year!! we don’t talk that much but it is always nice seeing you around! you are vv sweet and i really appreciate that, thank you for taking the time to talk to me sometimes!! you are also probably my only fantasy mutual?? which is terrible on one side because i think everyone should stan sf9 but that’s besides the point . i really do love the fact that i at least have u to talk to abt sf9 if need and i LOVE seeing u in love with hwi it is absolutely amazing. i am forever grateful for all the free hwi pics days too!! <3 i hope 2021 can be a year full of happiness for you!! (also that is also besides the point but @ fnc i want an sf9 cb announcement) ILY!! (and so does hwi)

@inkigayeo : miss vivi galaxy brain happy new year!! we only started talking recently but u do have my heart already!! i hope this year treats you well and that we can get to know each other more and be friends hehe!!!! <3 (my other wish is for u to stop breaking my heart with those fake titles. please . why should san NOT come back explain yourself .)

@jeongcheols : mimi . mimi mimi mimi im literally typing this as u are listening to that ten n dj stage ok now it’s kai ok anyways . ANYWAYS i am loving your sm concert live commentary . criminal is sounding amazing taemin is insane indeed (yes i took a break before coming back to writing this) i truly don’t know what to say?? n i have to keep watching the time so that i can scream HAPPY NEW YEAR into the mic in 14 minutes. but like?? i love you?? like. like for real i don’t know what i would’ve done without you?? also it’s weird writing this for tumblr instead of just in your messages (also i can’t focus with idea playing. idea soty). and i mean. you technically know all of this but like?? i can’t believe we’ve known each other for so long but also such a short time at the same time like. what. thank you for being my bestestest friend and my soulmat i don’t think i would’ve been able to remain sane this year (and last year too honestly) if it wasn’t for you?? thank you for always listening to my incoherent rants and i’m always so sorry for spamming you while you’re asleep i know you must wake up to like 150+ messages with absolutely no connection between them and they’re all just so random i truly don’t know how you manage to not get annoyed and to just stay with me all this time i’m- getting emotional. you had a terrible year, i know it! i really do!! and while it might not be looking too bright right now, i hope the universe hears me and treats you much better in 2021 because!! you deserve so much more!! you deserve the world, really!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i would write more really but like what is there to say literally i’m just (your emoji)) i love you for real;;

@nakyngs : ele <3 happy new year!!!!!! we haven’t talked much this year but i do think of u a lot daily i hope you know that!! and i love u a lot! even if i still need to catch up on all your aus </3 i hope 2021 can be a fun and stress-free year for you!! and we should catch up sometime too!! ps i hope your fish are ok

@ncityzen : dear spring fairy!! i already sent you a new year’s message earlier today like what. 6 hours ago but! once again!! i really do hope you can leave the hard times behind in 2020 and only get the best things possible this new year!! i’m always very happy to see you appear on my dash and curious to see your life updates and your random literature-related mini-rants in the tags they are always very interesting to see!! so! hoping to see even more of that this year <3 i hope you know that i love you and i really care about you!!

@woojjongs : MISS IRI! i am screaming this very loud so hopefully u can hear me all the way in canada! okay i had to leave this one for last because i?? don’t really know how to start i’m just a pink glittery puddle with lil hearts flowing in it that is how i feel towards u right now . how does one think and how does one write down their thoughts coherently give me a second. this is going to be a mess maybe u shouldn’t read it (‘accidentally’ forgets to tag u). just know that i decided to play txt’s wishlist to write this and u might be confused by that but all u need to know is that it means i love you very much. OKAY so miss iri you are . such a wonderful pal i truly don’t know what i would’ve done without you like . it would feel so weird not seeing you around tumblr would be so so so so empty i don’t even think you can begin to imagine how empty i’d feel without you around here ksdjbskbds i absolutely adore you but we already knew that. i’m always super excited to see your gifsets and your nonsense!! be it your love for woojong or u missing lim jimin (play m.. 🔪) or your snoo brainrot or hating literally anyone on smtm or whatever else it might be i love it all!! you are so cute and adorable and talented and sweet and funny i cannot believe you also happen to be the prettiest person on earth too. how does that feel! anyways i love you so so so so so much? i keep telling you to hold back from committing crimes but i absolutely WOULD commit a crime for u i really do adore you!! i mean . how many groups did u make me stan . (ok actually i don’t think there’s that many. but STILL) i know i can be super annoying but thank u for taking the time to chat with me nonetheless!! i’m all over the place but . there’s times i come online literally just to check your blog nothing else! i hope we can continue to be friends this year too n perhaps talk more (or the same amount idk please tell me off when i’m too annoying)!! happy new year, i hope it holds wonderful things in store for u!!!!!! and we really are starting off great since victon comeback is approaching <3 (this got way too long i’m so sorry i’ll cut it off now before i write 10 pages)

@xiaocity : miss siya hello hello hello first of all i’m just so very glad that you’re back i l o v e you!!! i love seeing you around be it your gifs or your text posts which yes. i cannot properly understand half of the time but google is my best friend after all! you’re such a wonderful person and i’m just?? really glad to have you around like?? you feel kind of like a cousin i don’t always get to see but am always excited to talk to when i can? this might not make sense but. you are vvv cool and talented and funny and feel very like. reliable? i feel like i am not making any sense so like ignore me. what i’m saying is i really really like you a whole lot and i really hope we can talk even more in 2021!! happy new year, i hope it’s a wonderful one for you!!

@yunwoo : miss anna we haven’t been moots for that long and we haven’t talked much but u are vvv cute and i hope we can become (better) pals this year!! i’m looking forward to seeing u on the dash more often, hopefully!! happy new year <3

[3pirouette]

Fic: Move Forward From This (1/1)

Title: Move Forward From This By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Disclaimer: They're not mine. Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: Set Post-Age of Ultron, written in 2015. Wanda and Steve don’t sleep, and they’re both dealing with loss.

Chapter A/N: This has been written for a while, I don’t know why I never posted it. I think it’s great now that I’ve re-read it. Another fic posted thanks to the Tumblr WIP Title Game. Implied Steggy.

~*~

She doesn’t sleep. Not anymore. Not when it’s dark outside or light outside or even when she’s exhausted from training.

She’s an Avenger now, she has to be ready for anything, and that means at least trying to rest.

But when she closes her eyes, she sees it all. She sees the death, the destruction, the fear and evil and pain that was in their heads.

She comes to the lounge on the third floor west wing, the one that most people don’t go into during the day because the sun filters through the glass and turns the room to an oven despite the air conditioning, because the angle as the sun sets makes the walls look like they’re on fire. It was a consequence of the modern design, and most of the staff just avoided the room and wrote it off. She’d heard Stark mumbling about using it for storage one day as he passed.

She loved it. She could lay curled on her side on the couch, invisible to the rest of the base, and face the long windows, feel the warmth of the sun and feel alive, watch the sunset and feel like she was burning. She could hide here, and feel things she could hide her pain in.

Imagine that it was the sun that hurt her eyes- that’s why they were filled with tears.

When she’d been a child she had always scoffed at her teacher’s lessons about heroes, about their journey and the hardships. She’d watched newsreels and laughed at the idea at these people felt pain, that they had suffered like she had.

Now she knew they did- she knew their suffering intimately, it lived in her brain, sitting between every memory she had, pulling the images out every time she closed her eyes.

She had been so wrong, and it hurt to try to think that she could move forward from this.

All the bright, shiny jackets, thick rubber boots and training sessions in the world could help her put on a strong, brave face, but it would never change what had happened, it would never take away that image of her brother limp and lifeless in Clint’s arms.

She’d tried tonight, she’d tried harder than any other night to get her mind to slow, to calm, to forget and get some rest, but she’d only been able to sleep for two hours before she awoke screaming and tangled in the blankets.

She’d come back to the lounge, a mug of tea in her hands. Sam had suggested it- chamomile, he said, helped calm the nerves. She wasn’t sure if it was the tea, or the clear night sky beyond the windows, but after a while her breathing slowed.

She was contemplating the stars, searching for constellations that weren’t familiar to her when she saw his reflection in the glass before her.

Wanda saw him in the halls late at night often, but they simply passed one another like ghosts with little nods of the head and went their separate ways each time. Tonight, he wasn’t moving, but didn’t approach her, either.

Wanda closed her eyes and she saw the beautiful brunette. We can go home, Steve, she said in her mind, a light English accent floating over her spine and making her shiver.

“You’re not like them,” she said softly, her eyes still closed tis form in the glass, concentrating instead on feeling his presence behind her. “They were afraid of violence, of destruction. I reaching into their minds and pulled from them their nightmares.”

Steve’s footfalls were quiet as he rounded the small couch, sitting gently on the edge. “Is that what everyone saw? Their nightmares?”

It hadn’t been so long ago, really. A month. Thirty days, exactly in the morning since it had all happened. Far away and yet in the scheme of everything, so very close. She nodded. “Thor transcended his fear to a higher plane, though I’m not sure how. He feared bacchanalia without purpose- he feared the loss of purpose and responsibility. Tony- Tony saw the destruction of all that he loved at his hands. Natalia, she saw her past. And yet you- I would be happy to have that dream.”

A dark smile flitted over Steve’s face as he contemplated his hands, held in tight fists and resting over his knees. “It should tell you something that you tried to pull out a nightmare and you got that, shouldn’t it?”

“Who is she?” Wanda asked quietly, setting her tea don on the small coffee table in front of them.

Steve looked at Wanda, taking in her disheveled hair, her tired eyes, her hopeful look, and cleared his throat softly. “She… she was the girl I was gonna marry when the war was over.”

“Your fiancé?” Her voice was high and confused. He’d long since been used to her steady demeanor, tonight she reminded him just how young she was.

“Not quite.” He shrugged and leaned back. “We were in love, though.” He gazed out the windows, taking in each tree and twinkling star instead of looking at Wanda as he spoke. “It was complicated back then- like now, but different. It was a different time, a different war- but there was this expectation that we all had that one day it would be over. I owed her a dance, but we never got it- instead I…” He couldn’t finish, just let the words trail off as his chin hung to his chest.

“Your hell is the life you never got to live,” Wanda whispered, heavy with understanding.

“Every night,” he affirmed, rubbing his tired eyes roughly. “Sometimes it’s the dance, sometimes it’s a little house just outside of Brooklyn or in the English country side.”  He threw his hands down to his thighs, shaking his head to try to rattle the images free. “It’s not like we had specific plans or anything, it’s not like we ever even explicitly said- but-“

Wanda reached out, taking his hand in hers. It was something she rarely did- touching other people. It made the connections strong for her, too strong sometimes. He looked at their hands held close with wide eyes. “The loss of possibilities, yes? The loss of ‘what if’?”

He held her hand tightly, just s tightly as she held his. “Yes, exactly.”

“I never imagined my life without Pietro in it, not for one second, and yet now I am faced with his absence every day.” She let go of his hand and filled her grasp with her tea, cradling the mug close to her chest. She looked at him from the side of her gaze, the sadness wafting from him mingling with her own. “We will never be who we were, or who we thought we’d be then.”

“No,” he agreed without looking at her, “we won’t.”

She sipped the tea, surprised at how comfortable she felt, wallowing in the sadness, sharing it, letting it just exist rather than fighting it. She could almost label it contentment. Almost.

The idea, the image popped into her head before she could stop it, the mad being overtaken by the mask. She wondered if it came from him or her subconscious, but either way, it made her sick. Her stomach rolled and her breath quickened until she nearly screamed. “No!”

He jumped back, looking at her with wide eyes on edge. “Wanda-“

“We are not just soldiers, Steve.” She shook her head, her tea spilling as she forced it back on the table as she climbed to her knees, turning to him and grabbing his shoulders. “We are not going to disappear into these personas of nothingness. You are not just Captain America now, I’m not just the Scarlet Witch or whatever silly name Tony’s come up with for me. We’re not characters on a t-shirt or in a movie. We’re people. You’re Steve and I’m Wanda and we’ve lost things that are so dear to us we’ll never be the same!”

He gently pulled her hands from his shoulders, his eyes sad as he willed her to calm down. “It’s easier. It’s easier to just be a soldier.”

“She wouldn’t want that, you know she wouldn’t.”

He pulled his hands away like she was fire. The truth hurt him like a knife, she could feel the energy in the room change and she knew she’d taken it to far. For the first time in a month she’d felt a connection and she’d broken it. She jumped from the couch, knocking the coffee table and her tea over in her rush to get out of the room.

“Wanda!” He called to her, stopping her just as she got to the door. She held the jam tightly, her fingers turning white. She wouldn’t look at him, couldn’t.

The silence held fast, heavy and long to the point where she was ready to leave when he finally spoke again. “I know she wouldn’t.” He sighed. “This life wasn’t a part of any future I imagined for myself.”

She cocked her head, just enough to see the shadow of him in her peripheral vision. “A life without Pietro was not every anything I planned, either.” She let her forehead rest on the door jamb. “But when you lose enough, you stop making plans.”  She took a deep breath, her fingers picking at a tiny dent in the metal jamb. “Maybe… maybe we need to start trying again.”

Steve didn’t leave the couch, but she could see him moving, heard the sound of the table being up righted and the shards of ceramic mug being picked up. “I’ll…” he sighed, stopped, and started again. “I’ll bring the tea tomorrow night, how about that?”

Wanda couldn’t help the small smile that spread over her face. “Yes, I think that is a good plan for a start.” She didn’t turn back as she left, pulled all of her senses inward so she couldn’t feel him, and headed straight to her room. He couldn’t be her brother, but at least, she thought, Steve could be a friend. Wanda didn’t remember the last time she had called someone that, and the idea of having one was warm enough to lull her back into bed, a happy enough thought to get her another hour of sleep.

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Important Asks/Interesting Theories

Beware, this post is filled with spoilers for Zemblanity! Read after you’ve finished the main series, as it’s constructed so that everything makes sense in the end. But if you’re still curious or confused, here’s the guide you need!

Be sure to look at the date of when any of the asks were posted before you send me a new one saying ‘but this isn’t possible because [insert reasoning here]’ especially for the theories. I tried to put a ‘Prior to’ section for all of them but yeahhhhh just check the dates.

So these were originally individual asks on my blog but I got rather lazy to reblog and tag everything (and I’m kind of afraid of hitting the post limit again), so I’ll just type them out here.

Table of Contents so You Don’t Have to Keep Scrolling:

Asks About Zemblanity in Case You Are Confused

Confused about the timelines?

So if TL8 Ten and TL9 Ten merged that means they have the same memories and behaviors? That’s why he remembered to save (Y/N)?

Does jumping from timeline to timeline affect Sector V? For all timelines is there only one Sector V?

So why are (Y/N)’s dreams a thing?

Can you explain the whole TL8 Ten getting sent back to TL9 and everything that resulted?

So why does Kunhang want to drown the system?

So is Yangyang actually in love with (Y/N) or is it just infatuation?

[Not an Ask] Regarding the Dream Sequences in Zemblanity

Interesting Theories About Zemblanity

{Prior to TWN4} Mark Lee is the True Culprit (Personal Favorite of Mine)

{Prior to TIR0} Maybe Yangyang is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

{Prior to TIR1} Maybe Xiaojun is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

{Prior to TIR2} Maybe (Y/N) and Ten coming up to the moon in 2004 was a lie?

{Prior to TIR4} Maybe (Y/N)’s dreams aren’t hers and she’s living through someone else’s memories?

{Prior to TIR4} Hendery might have gotten into an accident that involved severe burns…

{Prior to TIR5} Xuxi’s definitely the man in Chapter 2’s dream sequences

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun knows everything

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun is the man in the Newton’s Cradle dream

{Prior to TWN5} Hendery definitely has D.I.D.

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Dream Guy in Chapter 5 is Hendery

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Multiple Timeline Theory (Note that many people contributed to these so they may not be consistent)

{Prior to Chapter 7 and TWN6} The Matrix Theory

{Prior to Chapter 7’s Release} Maybe Xiaojun’s the Inmate in TIR6

{Prior to Chapter 8’s Release} The inmate from 2022 (mentioned in TIR6 and TIR8) is Ten

Special Questions

So, what happened to the 2004 Flight Records?

Who was the eighth inmate who killed himself?

Asks About Zemblanity in case you are confused

Confused about the timelines?

Q: Hi, i hope you get this question because it's the first time I'm asking something on Tumblr (I've been here for like a month or so 😅). And I hope I don't annoy with this question or maybe someone asked this already but what about the TL6? Chapter 8 honestly got me so confused that I locked up who belongs to which Timeline and I think we got like 9? TL1-5 is Kun, Xuxi, Xiaojun, Sicheng, Hendery. TL7 is Yangyang and TL8&9 is Ten because they got merged??

A: Hi there!! Welcome to tumblr! I’m honored to be your first ask, love ❤️ Also, fear not, asks never annoy me, I’m actually quite fond of them, because if one person is a bit confused, chances are others are too. Plus, I love to hear from my readers! No one has asked yet, so I don’t mind answering your question! To break it down, the timelines are as follows:

TL1 - Kun TL2 - Xuxi TL3 - Xiaojun TL4 - Sicheng TL5 - Guanheng (Hendery/Kunhang) TL6 - Ten (inmate Ten from TL8) TL7 - Yangyang TL8 - The events prior to Zemblanity, Sector V is established, all 7 members of WayV are inmates. Ten has memories from both TL6 and TL8 TL9 - Main Zemblanity timeline. TL8 Ten is sent back in time within the Warden’s lifespan and merges with TL9 Ten as a result, he loses his memories and starts life again from the age 8 and retains memories from TL9 Ten up to that point.

So technically Ten has been through three timelines (6, 8, 9) Good for him.

So if TL8 Ten and TL9 Ten merged that means they have the same memories and behaviors? That’s why he remembered to save (Y/N)?

Q: question questiooon hehe did tl8 ten and tl9 ten merged?? Like their memories and behavior?? Thats why he remembered to save (y/n) and yet has a different behavior?

A: Yeah basically.

When the Warden sent Ten back during his (the Warden’s) lifetime, Ten ended up replacing TL9’s Ten, or merging, as you called it. Luckily due to Ten’s lack of memories of TL8 it wasn’t a horrible merge, and it allowed him to grow up completely differently than he did in TL8. I’d say that he just wanted to save (Y/N) cuz bestie things, but maybe there was a hidden subconscious feeling of “I must protect this girl with my life”

I could be wrong, but I think I once mentioned how (Y/N) felt that Ten was rather overprotective of her.

Does jumping from timeline to timeline affect Sector V? For all timelines is there only one Sector V?

Q: another question hehe so jumping from timeline to timeline and changing things doesnt affect sector v?? Like for all timelines there is only 1 sector v?? As in it merges all timelines??

A: [I kind of worded this one weirdly in the original post, so let me rewrite it a little] 

How I wrote it in my outline, verbatim, is “Due to Sector V being a locating where neither time nor reality follow their set laws, it remains independent of the other timelines, this allows people of other timelines to be able to walk amongst each other without dire consequence. Although it may sometimes pick up on rifts within the timelines closest to it.”

Amendment: So basically it is entirely possible for another to exist, as long as their timelines aren’t right next to each other (as in there aren’t too many major events, or even small choices that overlap or are similar within both timelines).

Amendment: But when someone, in this case Ten, who is closely linked to the Sector is purposely messing with people who are associated with it (since he was jumping into timelines the inmates were in), this causes the rifts in the Sector.

So why are (Y/N)’s dreams a thing?

Q: OH. so the dreams y/n got while inside the sector were caused by ten jumping thru the timelines??? i guess that would explain why the very last ones she had were of ten in that dark ass room..... but now i cant stop thinking abt how yangyang keeps trying to kill xiaojun because he probably did kill his timeline's xiaojun and now i wanna know yy's story

A: I originally answered this one prior to the story being finished, so allow me to amend this one too.

Yup yup! Our boy royally FUCKED up the timelines.

Amendment: I based this off of the old saying that Dreams are windows to other versions of ourselves, past, present, future, other dimensions, etc. Basically, Ten was trying to merge the timelines enough to get into one of these dreams to communicate with (Y/N), but by the time he succeeded he ended up ripping the fabric of time enough so that (Y/N) was able to talk to the other inmates long before she even got trapped in the Sector.

Also, since this ask spoke about the dreams, the dreams are direct reflections of that inmate’s state of mind. Do with that what you will.

Can you explain the whole TL8 Ten getting sent back to TL9 and everything that resulted?

Q: my brain hurts 🤠 so serial killer ten was sent back in time (and to another timeline?) and had his memories erased... and then he jumped thru timelines to get back to a time before y/n died.... so he can help y/n get out..... 🤠 i'll just go listen to domino on repeat call me when yall are done killing poor y/n HSNSJSJ

A: Time is such a kunfusing kuncept (😀) but that’s pretty much it yeah. If you want the full thing…

So Ten was sent back in time, however in order to keep some events of the timeline (in this case the Sector, the Station, etc.) the Warden sent him back to a time during his lifetime and due to some timey wimey bull shit this not only caused Ten to lose his memories but also caused him to become significantly younger. Hence why he and (Y/N) have memories of them being younger, because they actually did grow up together. 

Later in the story, Ten did travel to six different timelines, all in order to establish that side effect connection that results from fucking with the timelines to get in contact with (Y/N), all of which were both unsuccessful and resulted in (Y/N) being linked to the inmates instead (hence the dreams). The original plan was for him to establish a stable connection with (Y/N) since the server in the Sector is blocked and nearly impossible to get into from the outside and tell her how to get out from there, but we all saw how that ended up 🙃

So why does Kunhang want to drown the system?

Q: “So it’s safe to say that it is this alter who I see trying to drown the body.” IM SCREAMING- WHO IS TRYING TO DO W H A T?! OOOH. WOW. I-

A: The definition of a persecutor, to put it in simple terms, is a “misguided protector.” They typically hold the more traumatic memories of the body that the other alters or the host don’t. Often times the persecutors see it as it’s them against the system (in this case Kunhang against the other alters), and they see things as “oh, the abuser can’t do this to me if I do it myself” then it gets worse from there. Often times they punish the body (and by extension the other alters) by making them relive the trauma. (Note that it’s very rare for Persecutors to take their anger out on other people, it happens, but it’s rare, often times the rage is turned against the system)

So knowing that it’s Kunhang who forces the body to drown…. do with that what you may.

Amendment: In greater context of the story it’s explained in his ending that he was kidnapped and held for ransom by the rivaling kingdom and upon his return it was discovered that he developed DID while in captivity.

Of course through therapy they can be taught that what they’re doing is wrong, which is what we see through Kunhang present day. But yeahhhhhhh

Poor Guanheng :(

So is Yangyang actually in love with (Y/N) or is it just infatuation?

Q: So is Yangyang actually in love with her or is it just infatuation? Ik you said you've changed it a lot but still,,, also the way the only named connections towards Yangyang are "avoid at all costs", "weirded out", and "doesn't want to die" is both scary and amusing

A: When I first drafted Zemblanity (yes there is a first draft that you guys will likely never see) it was pure, unabashed infatuation. In the first draft I actually planned for each inmate to have a certain type of complex (god complex, father complex, etc.) but I figured the topic was both too information loaded and delicate to write about accurately in a fanfiction (I’m already juggling enough with the mental disorders, I’m planning to minor in psychology so I’ve taken a few of the classes before, so I luckily have notes from there I can turn to, all I need is some brushing up) Yangyang’s complex involved him seeking the need for stability, so at the time it was indeed just pure infatuation with no feelings of actual love.

Now it’s a bit different, I can’t give you the full answer for obvious reasons, but I will say he does feel genuine love for (Y/N), and so do the rest of the inmates, there are a few things attached to that genuine love though, but then again who doesn’t have some strings attached. The only thing that separates love from infatuation are those extra things hanging on to the feelings, after all.

Amendment: So now that the series is over, I can explain in full detail. Basically it’s some form of guilt that Yangyang felt, which is explained in his ending. And it was also the need to get closure for how she died, a mix of both. His mental state has already been in disarray, so when (Y/N) showed up at the Sector I think it’s safe to say it wholly broke. And it became something of “I knew she was still alive.”

Also yeah that’s what happens when you’re tipsy and story boarding at the same time, you come up with interesting character relationships lol 😂

[Not an Ask] Regarding the Dream Sequences in Zemblanity

One would do well to distinguish which dream sequences happen real time and which ones happened in the past. In this case I’ll spell it out easy peasy, each dream sequence that is happening real time is linked by one deciding factor: Ten. Often times he’s in the background and is described as trying to tell (Y/N) something important, but she can’t understand him.

Otherwise, the dream sequence happened in the past with exception of Kun’s dream sequences in Chapter 1, which happened real time.

Interesting Theories About Zemblanity

{Prior to TWN4} Mark Lee is the True Culprit (Personal Favorite of Mine)

Theory: Okay so like I know we're all tossing out Zemblanity theories but like consider this: Who was the one who was in charge of all the years? Who else do we know has access to a computer? Who else is associated to (Y/N). That's right. Mark Lee.

Response: THE WAY I CACKLED WHEN I READ THIS

That’s it. Anon figured it out. I gotta rewrite all of Zemblanity now

I’m joking of course but this is TOO FUCKING FUNNY I 😂😂 YOU GUYS ARE SO CREATUVE

Was it Correct? As expected, no.

{Prior to TIR0} Maybe Yangyang is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

T: Lmaoo my theory is that YangYang was the best friend and whoever he murdered was the boyfriend of y/n. Hes severely mentally unstable so thats possibly why he is projecting the image of that person onto Xiaojun and why he hates him so much. Thats why he knows so much about y/n and why he had her locket.... he was also quite abusive to y/n. Maybe she had her memories of him erased somehow but he feels she abandoned him personally and thats why he tied her up??? Hmmm. Just a theory though

R: But that’s just a theory! A Zemblanity theory! Thanks for reading!

God I hope at least some of y’all get the reference

I will say, you’re not too far off the mark, but you’re not 100% there either. 👀

WIC? Not completely. They did get Yangyang being the best friend correct and that he murdered (Y/N)’s toxic boyfriend (who just happened to be Xiaojun). But that’s about it, and I applaud you on getting that close!

{Prior to TIR1} Maybe Xiaojun is the best friend in Ch. 4’s dreams…

T: OKAY HEAR ME OUT: I think is the case as to why Xiaojun and Yang² hate each other (apart from the theories I left under chp 4). I really think that Xiaojun was actually her best friend and that he helped her out of her relationship with Yang²... and I think Yang² said "he hurt her" cause hes lowkey delusional? And psychotic so he thinks everyone's put to get him. As for Ten, he needed to be her best friend since Xiaojun is an inmate WHICH IS WHY THERES NO RECORDS OF THE DAY SHE CAME TO THE MOON

R: Interesting theory, but like the others, not too far off the mark, but not quite there. Also the lack of records of the day she went to the moon, there’s a reason, but that’s not quite the reason, ahhh that’s confusing but it’s the only way I can say it without revealing too much.

Hint: Look back at the Warden’s Notes, I usually drop spoilers in them on accident and I just forget to delete it

WIC? Ah, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky, you’re gonna give me a run for my money some day. You were SO close I got scared, haha. But, sadly, incorrect. Yangyang was the best friend and Xiaojun was the toxic boyfriend. As for the records part, I thought I left enough evidence for y’all to figure out, but I suppose not.

{Prior to TIR2} Maybe (Y/N) and Ten coming up to the moon in 2004 was a lie?

T: maybe y/n and ten being brought to the moon when they were very little was a lie and thats why the records for 2004 arent there 🤡 im just a simple dumbass i'll just wait until someone smarter puts together a sound theory HSNSKS ALSO ALSO ateez concepts are always so cool i 😔🥺 always my faves

R: Awww but you’re plenty smart, love 🥺 the fact that you can put together even the smallest theory is amazing!!!

But I acknowledge your theory and will put it up like the rest ❤️

WIC? Sadly, no. And I think I should just say it at this point and ruin the spoiler but hmm... I’ll put it at the end, how about that?

{Prior to TIR4} Maybe (Y/N)’s dreams aren’t hers and she’s living through someone else’s memories?

T: WAIT CRYS- WAIIIIT WAIIIIIT WAIIIIT.... okay okay okay are the dreams or memories that appear in the chapters uniquely Yn's? 👁👄👁 (please donr make me feel like a clown cause 😣✌🏾). This is me b4 you answer my last ask BUT what if the memories arent... hers.... what if most of the inmates had girlfriends and for those who committed murder, it was linked to the s/o..? Since Kun has OCD it would explain some questionable and almost controlling behaviour towards a lover and same applies to Yang². Just a thought. A far fetched thought that doesnt make sense (not to add but if Xuxi had a lover, kidnapping would apply to the s/o or another party 👀) ✌🏾... so uh again just a thought... the memories arent... lets say consistent(?). Lkke in one of them, shes a secretary, in the other shes a teacher... okay I'm really gonna go with the theory I had. What if the dreams arent hers? Let's remember she and Ten dont have recollecting of coming to the Moon... and in that one Wardens Note Ten was shocked about info he learned at the end... I'm lost lmao. The memories arent hers, in each chapter theres a memory that may(be) include a character which is why the person is never mentioned. Another thing is that in some of the memories, she explicitly says that she has no control over what shes saying or doing which means that they happened in the past and since she has no recollection of them happening, theres a strong chance that shes experiencing it for the first time... which means that she is experiencing the dream through the original person 🤡

R: I had such half assed responses to these so lets just not type those out--

WIC? No, but also a little. The concept is there, but not really. But you were on the right track with Kun and Yangyang. But this did come out before we established that multiple timelines are a thing in Zemblanity, so I liked where you were going with this one! Technically, the memories aren’t hers, but at the same time they are.

{Prior to TIR4} Hendery might have gotten into an accident that involved severe burns…

T: Actually, I think Hendery got in a severe accident that involved 1st degree burns... and I read somewhere that if you get burned that you should put the wound underwater for 20 mins or waiting for paramedics (I'm waiting til you debunk this hehe) sO then baby was burned and since they in space... you know- gravity! And then since gravity is there, he needs to stay underwater so that he doesnt die cause of his burns 🤠

R: I mean, yes? Like medically yeah it’s best to put burns underwater as soon as you can (cold water preferably) but imagine having to stay underwater for 16 hours for a burn?I like it.HENDERY SWEETIE TOUCH THE STOVE-

WIC? Nah.

{Prior to TIR5} Xuxi’s definitely the man in Chapter 2’s dream sequences

T: OKAY SO LIKE- I'm positive of one of two things, the second chapter dream is (Y/n) and Xuxi cause in the interrogation room part 4, he mentioned how his wife is clumsy and that they havent been married for long and in that memory, the invisible person said how (Y/n) was clumsy and she mentioned how they were waiting to start a family which is a hint that they're married. So I'm pretty sure (watch me be wrong) that Xuxi was the invisible person in Chapter 2 illuding to yn being his wife now ----- but now wouldnt that mean that (Y/n)'s dead since she killed herself? Now listen, we all remember that theory of it being multiple versions of her being with all the inmates right? Well let's say that that theory is true, we basically have some sort of evidence illuding to that. Both versions so far of the wife/girlfriend has died and if it's all those timelines crashed together, itll make sense as to why they all know her (one way or another)... 👁👄👁

R: Ooooh interesting, alright how about the other dreams now 😗 I’m interested in this theory, That is also true, according to the basic logic of the multiple lives/timelines theory

But is it what’s happening in Zemblanity?😗

WIC? Yup. I actually never intended for the dreams to be purposely hidden, like literally the dreams subjects are who’s featured in the chapter HAHA but yeah. The only thing off about the theory is the last part tbh.

{Prior to Chapter 5} Xiaojun knows everything

T: Okay so the girl always dies and there has to be something about her that warrants that. Xiaojun said he knows/remembers more than the other inmates so that could be what he is holding back from the warden.. Maybe he knows the reason why? Maybe he has some other information? All I know is, from what we've learned, Xiaojun really did do "what he had to do" and there has to be some other thing he did that would have warranted him going to Sector V because that can't be it.

R: Maybe so 😗

But that will be revealed with time

WIC? Xiaojun does know what happened in the last timeline, so whatever he learned back there transferred over. So yeah, kind of

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Dream Guy in Chapter 5 is Hendery

T: the dream guy in chapter 5 is hendery cuz the dreams seem royal-ish and the guy gave me “prince” feels and technically hendery’s a prince so yeah. and he said his true self will be hiding behind a facade and hendery seems like he has a split personality. so basically he got his new personality by repressing memories of (y/n) (he was the only one who seem to not know (y/n) when they met). and also the way the “king/prince” said “Don’t.” (tea scenario) and hendery said “Don’t” gave me chills

R: Nice catch 😏 I’ll admit you’re on the same path as many other readers, very good 👍

WIC? Yuuup.

{Prior to Chapter 6} The Multiple Timeline Theory (Note that many people contributed to these so they may not be consistent)

T1: So like my theory is that the boys had met (y/n) in different timelines?? Like for example Kun is timeline 1, and (y/n) had died there??? — jongin smth. And theen on her next time line— she met lucas idk its smth like reincarnation or just like because sector v has a unique time and reality. Like they all lived in different realities but sector v connects all of those realities— in which (y/n) was also in. And another theory (since best friend and boyfriend conflict goes on throughout the previous chapters) each wayv member is like the bestfriend or boyfriend of (y/n) each timeline— like ten in this present timeline Buuuut i cant explain why yangyang is the one on 7th timeline whilst ten was currently the one (y/n) knows personally

Add on: I was reading anons theory and I was thinking the same thing. Because time is different In the sector that allows them to be in the same timeline. (Think ATEEZ new concept where they all knew each other but got separated, but are coming together again.) This would also explain all of the different voices that Y/N hears and how in the warden noted that Ten is starting to piece things together.

R: (½) I said this in the previous post but I actually really like this theory, it’s a very interesting take on what’s going on. Posting this one first so it appears below the first part!! Ooooh this one’s different from the ones I’ve read so far, I like where you’re going with this one anon, props to you for cutting from a different fabric!

Ooooh and the theory deepens, you guys are so creative I love it 🥰

WIC? Not far off the mark, but not a bullseye.

{Prior to Chapter 8’s Release} The inmate from 2022 (mentioned in TIR6 and TIR8) is Ten

T1: So I wanted to write it in the comments but I have an idea and wanted to write "directly" (I also don't use ask option a lot so also It will be multiple part so sorry 🥺🙏) I got a sudden idea while looking at the dates of the newest interrogation room and the dates of when the Inmates were brought to Sector V and... I think I got something... Kun, who was the first one to come to sector V, first came in February but the Interrogation takes place in January and a whole ass moth before it. 

So I came to a sudden realization that there was a 7th Inmate who allegedly killed himself. And then my mind made a connection to Ten who in the MV and promotion shots was shown to have the same V tattoo as the others. Could it be that Ten was the original Inmate? It would kinda add up i think. Like there is a possibility that The Warden (our Father) was fed up with him and killed him but filed it in reports as a suicide. 

It could be that it isn't our Ten because if my Multiverse Theory is right that would open a lot of possibilities. It could be a wierd coincidence to have two Ten's in the same Building (not that I'm complaining) so it could be less likely. But I have two versions of the theory. The second being that neither Ten or we have a recollection of how and why we were brought to the moon station. Which in on itself is pretty fishy. But to assume for a second that Ten was convinced of Murder... 

And maybe he was tortured to the point of amnesia and/or memory loss and then tossed out of the Sector with some false memories but somewhere in his head he “remembers” (something like deja vu) about what happened “last time” and when she wants to meet the others he tries to prevent it. 

Underneath there, somewhere in his mind he knows what he did wrong and tries to prevent it from happening again. He knows that whatever happened to us can happen again if we meet the others. Or we are all in a loop and Ten is like Sans from Undertale and knows it all and has godlike powers. Idk mate it's 1 Am in Germany and I'm basically sleeping at this point. But remember it's just a theory. A Zembalty Theory. (hopefully I wrote it right) also sorry for spamming your inbox 🙏🥺Love you

R: Yessssss, also I like this theory, more answers will be revealed soon. 

That is true 👀 But if I recall correctly, I believe it was the eighth inmate that offend himself 🤔 but it is an interesting theory, I’ll give you that. 

I have grown very fond of the multiverse theory, there’s a lot of space for it to grow. But as for your second theory it would tie in the missing files from both 2004 and 2019 😗

WIC? Ten was, indeed, the original inmate. Also I did allude to their being a “time loop” of sorts in much of Xiaojun’s parts.

T2: Theory time hehehe The inmate from 2022 was actually Ten- and he was bargaining with (y/n)’s father (who i assumed did not die in the original timeline) for smth (like he requested Ten to go back in time since he mentioned that Ten figured out a way to travel through time) *i connected the time paradox here wherein one goes back in time so things change in the future. 

But then Ten betrayed the previous warden and killed him (past of warden)— thats why his death is still a mystery—- and this leads to the current timeline where Ten becomes the warden instead of (y/n)’s father living up till 2022— and this also leads to Ten not knowing what he did on the other “future” and probably not being a criminal— (but that would also mean the deal wont happen right? Idk anymore)

and probably the old warden requested him to go back to 2004??? “As long as you refrain from killing anyone else, you should be fine, I’m sure you’ll remember at least that much.” Also take note of this— its like if Ten* refrains from killinganyone else from the past then he’ll remember atleast some parts of their deal when the future changes

So ye this is me trying to understand the masterpiece called Zemblanity. Kudos to you for making my brain active during quarantine 🥰

oof i forgot a detail —- thats why Ten (as (y/n)’s bestfriend and warden) doubts if he could even trust himself— and why his populace records is a mystery to (y/n) Anyways thank you for taking your time to read these! 🥰☺️

R: Now this is a theory I enjoy! Very well thought out, but I must say, although it hasn’t been explicitly stated I assume is implicitly understood, the Warden has some control over the timelines considering that each inmate is, theoretically, from a different timeline. For Ten to be able to do it, assuming he is the unknown inmate, he would have to have already gained the status of Warden, which is impossible considering that the old Warden is still alive.

Ah yes, a classic time paradox, we certainly love those, don’t we? If only we were at that part in Zemblanity where the rules of Time were strictly laid out, but alas, we are not. So for now we will settle for this paradox that if Ten was thrown back in time and killed the Warden, the conversation will never have taken place, and Ten would have never, theoretically, been sent back in time.But then again if the Warden wasn’t killed and the conversation did take place, that would establish an entire time loop, wouldn’t it? Just Ten constantly going back to 2004 and reliving everything only to be sent back again, and again, I wonder what needs to be done differently, hmm…

This is a possibility, and I was going to mention it in the (2) of this ask, but I actually found that it would make more sense to put it in here. If Ten was, theoretically, sent back in time, how would you explain (Y/N) and Ten having memories of when they were toddlers? Assuming you’re intending that if Ten was sent back in time he’d still be a full age adult.

It’s no problem, I’m trying my best to keep your minds sharp while we all spend our days in our homes hehe… Ohhh and thank you! I’m so glad you enjoy my little (okay actually huge) story of Zemblanity!!!

This is a theory I like a lot, I can tell you put a lot of thought into it! But it would explain why there are some lapses in Ten’s judgment as to who he can trust, and it would also explain why (Y/N) had to search up Ten’s name in her Records database

WIC? Actually, this is probably the closest one to the truth anyone has ever gotten. Props to you, anon!

T3: Did they agree to have Ten stay out of it so he was there to protect YN since none of them could do it cause they clingy af and would of started a war and killed each other 👀🙊 and cause they mental health is deteriorating more and more in the Sector they willing to throw Ten out the way to get her back 🤔🤔🤔

AAAAAAALSO!!!!! Rereading the Warden Notes, there was mentioned of 8 inmates but the 8th killed himself so it was decided to be maxed out at 7.......who be the 7th inmate..... I swear tf if I'm right about Ten imma be needing at least 4 bottles of wine to cope, however if I'm wrong! I'm still gonna need them 🙊 (I'm so sorry, these were all EUREKA moments.....i didn't mean to spam)

R: Ooh I like this one, but I do have to say why Ten? But if this is true, I’d argue that either Kun or Hendery could’ve done it too, Kun’s a patient character and Hendery’s pretty chill. Plus according to the story line Ten and (Y/N) came when they were toddlers and both have memories of such, hmm…. 🤔

FOUR BOTTLES AHAHAHAHA. Also noooo I don’t mind spam at all, love, so don’t worry ❤️ But yes I do acknowledge that I wrote that the Sector is maxed out at 7 but I will also say that it doesn’t necessarily mean that there were seven at the start of the story 👀

WIC? Sadly, no :(

Special Questions

So... what happened to the 2004 Flight Records?

To put it simply, the Warden (Park Hyunjun) destroyed them. The Sector works in strange ways, as seen when the tapes from TL8 transferred over to TL9 for (Y/N) to see them. This is a special power of the Warden, the ability to allow items to transcend different timelines, which is only possible in Sector V (due to it’s independence of most of the rules of time). During his final negotiation with TL8 Ten, prior to sending him back in time to prevent the total destruction of the moon colony, he implies that he’d leave everything in place for the paradox item to find it’s way to Ten, and he’d keep him under watch.

However, Ten didn’t come to the moon in 2004. Now this is on me, I never explicitly said it, only left clues for it to be found. The records were damaged, but why? Every inmate has access to the Records room, but none have an incentive to destroy it, except for the one person it would apply to, in this case Ten. The Warden is implied to have special abilities in the Moon Colony, usually to prioritize the greater good of the Colony (i.e. calling the shots for executions, destroying cards, withholding evidence, etc.)

Now, TL9 Ten couldn’t have destroyed the records, why would he? But, I’ve mentioned on occassion that Ten was “always at war with himself” and, I quote from Ch. 1, “Sometimes [he has] to remind [himself] that [he’s] the Warden.”

There isn’t significant evidence that Ten wasn’t on that flight, but on the other hand there isn’t evidence that he was. All we have to go off of is the damaged flight records and what the Warden said in his tapes prior to being killed.

Do with that what you may.

Who was the eighth inmate who killed himself?

Sadly, no one actually important to the main story. He was just there so I can establish why there were only six inmates in the Sector at the beginning of Zemblanity, and why Ten was able to get convicted in there after the fact.

What about 2019′s records?

That was just a way to throw you all off, haha, it seemed like it worked. I never said that there weren’t any 2019 records, they were just tampered with and Mark had to reenter them, and I’ve long established that their Supervisor tends to make them work more since he’s that shitty a person.

[overtureofchaos]

When Things Change

I was asked by several people to post this one shot on Tumblr. It is also on my Wattpad profile. This is my first attempt at a Y/N one shot, so I hope you enjoy it. 

Plot: You and Carisi have been roommates for years, but after a near-death experience, everything changes.

Starts after the events of 18x7

Content: sex, violence, mentions of rape. All mild. 

As you stood looking down at the pregnancy test, your stomach flipped more that you thought it ever could. Throwing up in the morning was one thing but this was where the rubber hit the road. It was not just some bug; you had a baby in you. His baby. You could ask yourself how it happened but at the end of the day you knew full well how it happened. Though you and your roommate had long been friends with benefits, mostly on bad nights or heavy cases or around test days, Sonny had already passed the bar so for him the super stressful school days were over. For you though, you were still plugging along trying hard to get your nursing degree. Thankfully you were in clinicals now, but the days were long and sometimes unforgiving. Back when he was still in school you two would have long nights studying and grilling each other. Sometimes those nights would end with a romp but Sonny always used a condom. Not the last time though. Something shifted that day. Not that you two were in love or anything like that, but something in his attitude and mentality. 

The day had been normal for you. School, and the afternoon at the coffee shop. That didn’t pay much and with reduced hours, there was a need for more money. You could not let Sonny pay for everything so you took on a side gig in the evenings that seemed easy enough. Before the night in question, Sonny told you about this case where one of the possible witnesses was a professional cuddler. It sounded so ludacris but you kept thinking to yourself it was definitely something you could do and you found her services online, went for an interview and was hired. The job paid well and currently did not have any negative effects on your life. The extra money was nice and because Sonny was always so busy at work he never questioned where your money for bills was coming from. You were not doing anything illegal or even explicit. 

Sometimes his days were very long and he would come back tired or cranky or not in the mood to even conversate. That seemed to be more often than usual now. He’d expressed early on a crush on his partner, which was fine because even though the two of you had sex you were not in any way romantically involved. There was no heart in it, just bodies - just sex. He’d had some god-awful cases over the past year or so - someone on his squad died, they’d chased two different serial killers, a cold case serial rapist… the work he did was terrifying but no matter what you two remained the best of friends and could always lean on each other if you just needed to vent. 

That particular night, he came in later in the afternoon. Hearing the door, you yelled out but no one responded so you got a little freaked. “Sonny? That better be you!” Nothing. Poking your head out from your room slowly to access the situation you saw your closest friends ever standing in the living room nearly catatonic. How he got home was beyond you. There was blood on his face and in his hairline. Slowly you approached with your hands up and out just in case he wasn’t really connected to reality. Knowing his job was dangerous was something you had long ago settled with. He ran the risk everyday of getting hurt or killed but he loved his job and he was great at it. You could do nothing but respect him for the risks he took day to day to keep both you and the city safe. The closer you got you could see there was blood on his shirt and tie and right on him there was something in his hair. Being a nursing student that had considered working in an ER you recognized the mass as brain matter.

Your expression dropped away. “Holy shit, Sonny. What happened to you?” He did not answer you. Slowly you eased him onto the coffee table. Normally you would yell at him for sitting on the coffee table but all the years you two had lived together you knew his favorite places to sit were tables. Easily three times a week you would snap at him about the perfectly good sofa he could be resting his ass on. He would just smirk like a dick and stay on the table. Or he would stand and thrust his hands into his pockets. The man was happier about pockets than any woman ever could be. He’d flaunt them like nothing else. Unsure what to do you knew he would have been checked out at the scene of whatever happened; surely this was work related. Either way you went to the kitchen and filled a bowl with warm water and grabbed a rag to clean him up. He just sat there staring out the window not responding to anything you were doing. He did, however, let you lead him. 

After cleaning his face up, you walked him to his bedroom and started removing his clothes. To hopefully arouse some interest in his current situation, with every button you spoke out what you were doing and rare as it was, you were thankful he was not wearing a three-piece today of all days. You made him sit on the bed and removed his shoes and shimmied him out of his slacks and gently forced him back on the bed. He still had not said a single word. Because you’d lived together for years, you did have the numbers of everyone in his unit and thought very seriously about reaching out to his lieutenant, but if this was not work related you didn’t want to get him in trouble. Sonny would need to tell you what to do. He just laid there, so you left him and took his clothing to clean out any blood and hopefully salvage the shirt and tie. About an hour passed before you decided to check back on him. He had not moved an inch.

The only thing you could think to do was give him some human interaction. Your newly discovered cuddling skills came into play so you stripped down to your tank and undies - to match his attire - and crawled onto the bed in front of him, letting him be the big spoon. It was a good thing no one was working that night because you fell asleep to the sound of his breath steadying on your neck. About maybe four in the morning, you finally felt him stir. His arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer and before long he was rolling you toward him so he could see your face. He hesitated but finally spoke, choking a little on his words, they were rife with emotions. 

“Y/N, thank you. You didn’t have to do all that. I mean, I appreciate all of it.”

Clearly he comprehended what you had done for him so it was nice to see he hadn’t had a complete mental break. “Sonny, what happened?” You whispered softly, cupping his cheek. “You had blood on you and, uh, brain?” How do you say that without setting him off again, but the two of you have always been able to speak candidly with each other. 

“We had to go to Jersey. This cop had kidnapped a girl and we knew he had her but it was just Lieu and I. I found her in the house but he was in there too and he, uh, he put a gun right to my head. I thought he was going to kill me, Y/N. He maybe would have if Lieu hadn’t shown up when she did. No hesitation, she shot him. In the head. I was able to stay composed when I was with her but the moment I was alone, I couldn’t help but realize I could have died today. And if Mike hadn’t died? I don’t know that Lieu would have been so vigilant, ya know?”

Hearing what he’d been through you could not help but feel those similar emotions. He was still distraught and with you he didn’t have to save face. There was no need for that squad room bravado here. He could be as stripped and bare as he needed to be. He had always allowed the same with you. As close as you were in this moment you were not expecting what happened next. The two of you had sex before but it was always playful, why-the-hell-not kind of sex. It was never romantic and he’d always used to condom. Hell, after you always went to separate bedrooms, so even lying in each other's arms was different, but maybe that contributed. First he kissed you, then he took over and you let him. It wasn’t just sex that night. You felt like you’d made love but never would you admit that to Sonny’s face. 

You would; however, tell your closest workmate (B/F) what happened. They knew that you and Sonny fooled around every once in a while and also knew that you cared about him. When you want more from someone, it is usually easier for someone else to see than yourself. Denial is an excellent camouflage. The weeks after things change a little between the two of you. There was a lot more touching and a lot more texts making sure each other were okay. But there was no more sex and you started to think it was just different that one night and things would eventually feel normal again. Pushing down your growing feelings for your roommate was nothing new. That was until you started feeling queasy in the morning. 

At work, you walked straight up to B/F and pulled them aside. “I think I’m pregnant.”

B/F just stared at you blankly for a minute before responding. “Like with a baby?”

You couldn’t help but smack them in the arm. “What? Of course with a baby. I can’t have a giraffe. JC, Mary and Joseph, B/F. What am I gonna do?”

“I am assuming this is from your passionate romp with Son-Son? I mean you haven’t said you’ve been with anyone else since the night he almost died, right?” B/F could be a real ass sometimes but no matter what they kept things real. “I mean, Detective Hottie would be a good dad, right? You’re not thinking you’d, you know?” Twirling their finger around insinuating an abortion. 

“What? No! Come on, but I mean, I haven’t taken a test yet, so I still need to confirm but I have to do it first thing in the morning. You break before me today. If I give you some cash will you run to the bodega and grab me a test? Please?”

All B/F could do was laugh. “You got it, Y/N. I would do anything for you. Besides, I want to know so I need to be on this journey with you, girl.”

Now, test in hand - more precisely, test in shaking hand, that big plus sign was screaming at you. You could hear Sonny in the kitchen making coffee and probably breakfast. Swallowing you buried the test in the trash, sent B/F a quick text saying it was positive, and then hopped in the shower. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Sonny to come in while you were in there or you when he was, but given there was that screaming gem in the garbage your body tensed the moment you heard him walk in. “Hey, Y/N, where is my green dress shirt? The darker one. Didn’t it come back from the cleaners?”

Relaxing a little you continued to shower,”Yes, it should be in your closest. I picked it up yesterday.”

“It’s not though, I already looked.”

Knowing how out of it you were the day before you bit into your lip thankful Sonny could not see your face. “Check my closet then? I mean, I could have accidentally hung it in mine. I’m not perfect.”

You heard him leave and then yell out to you though you could not make out what he said before he returned. “Bingo. Wow, you know, I never realized how organized you are. I like it.” Next thing I know he is pulling the curtain back and smiling like an idiot. Your first reaction was to cover yourself knowing full well he’d not only seen but explored every part of your body. Still casual sex versus this you were taken aback. Furling your brow you tried not to smile, “Can I help you, detective?” So busy looking at his face you didn’t see he wasn’t dressed until he climbed in the shower with you. 

“What the hell, Sonny?” He pulled you close to him and the skin on skin contact made your breath catch. He wasn’t some big strapping hunk all muscle bound, but he was perfect in so many ways. In a suit he looked skinny, but there was enough there to hold onto. There was just enough chest hair to not be gross - not overly hairy and not under hairy like a boy. Lanky suited him. Only 6 feet tall he had the longest thighs you’d ever seen on a man from hip to knee. You thought he was well proportioned everywhere that mattered. 

He turned you around and pulled your hair off to the side to gain access to your neck. Even though there were moderate grunts of protest your body was fully responding to his touch. Your back arched and you could feel him hard against you while his hand gripped your hip and forced you closer, his other found your rock hard nipples and started playing with them just before you had to brace yourself against the shower wall. He was in you, kissing and nibbling on your back and neck and with each of his thrusts forward you rocked back in turn. His had left your nipple and made its way down to your clit, sure it was pulsating under his lengthy fingers. The two of you never had shower sex before but if this is what it was like you were willing every day. Holding you close as your body let go, the orgasm he gave you made you nearly collapse. He was soon to follow and it took a few minutes for either of you to recover. 

You turned to him with a shit-eating grin and lightly smacked his chest. “What the fuck was that all about? I mean, I am not complaining but it seems out of character. You okay?”

All he could do was kiss you. “You were taking too long and I need to get ready for work too here. I mean, if you’re going to be a shower hog,” he shrugged and pursed his lips as he forced you to change positions with him with a laugh. Now he was under the water, soap in hand. 

“So being a shower hog means I get that? Geez, Carisi, I will hog the shower every day then. You aren’t buying yourself free bathroom time.” You returned the laughter and got out of the shower trying your hardest to not glance at the waste basket. Had he seen it? Is that why he was so fucking giddy? Either way, you had class and were gone before he was even out of the shower. The day was long and trying to decide how to tell him was the hardest thing you’d ever encountered. This was a life changer. Kids. Sonny was a proud uncle and godfather, but a father? Like children of his own? On top of that with a woman he lived with and did not love. What would his mother say? Or worse, think of you? Certainly Mrs. Carisi would be overjoyed to have another grandbaby and one from her only son, no less, but Sonny’s dad was a jerk. The two of you spent many nights over the years talking about their parents and even meeting each other’s families, friends and co-workers. People found it hard to believe there was never more between the two of you but aside from very casual sex things had been very much a friendship until he almost got killed. 

Walking into work there was definitely a bit of a pep in your step that morning. Had you only taken the pregnancy test, chances were you would feel queasy all day long and not just these morning blahs created by the growing baby Carisi. But Sonny was completely on point this morning and that made you smile enough for B/F to notice. Immediately they came over to you, “Girl, you are glowing! Tell me, tell me. I mean I saw your text but he must have been happy as hell for you to be floating like this!”

Their giddiness was infectious. “Stop it!” You giggled as you pulled them into the back room. “No, I didn’t tell Sonny at all. I think I would have, but he was in a mood this morning. He came into the bathroom several times when I was showering which isn’t out of the ordinary, but he crawled into the shower with me and damn, B/F” You clutched your chest and took a deep breath. 

B/F raised a brow. “The shower? Like damn, what has gotten into him lately? He can’t get enough of you girl. It’s that man's prowess. He knows you’re pregnant even if he doesn’t know it. You’re sexier to him and he can’t get enough of you. But seriously, when are you gonna tell him for real?” That was not a question you had an answer for.

Thankfully, in the nicest sense, Sonny caught a case that kept him working, something about a nanny kidnapping the boy she watched because she didn’t like the woman she worked for. That was scary because there were so many nannies in New York City. Would you two have to pay for a nanny? Would that be a question? Your mind said you were not fixing this. There was a baby in existence and that child deserved to live and even if Sonny didn’t love you the way a man should love a child’s mother he would certainly love his kid. That man was way too Catholic to want anything other than the child. Your biggest concern right now was did he already know? You’d thrown the trash down the shoot and the test was still in there. Sonny was just acting weird. 

When he finally came home you were sitting at the table doing school work. You said hello but kept studying, trying to get a feel for his mood. Jumping up and running to greet him had never been your way and a couple of crazy encounters shouldn’t change that. He set down his keys, badge and gun; took off his coat and then his wallet. This was his routine and nothing had changed. He was telling you how the case went and how they found the boy safe and unharmed and it was crazy how far people would go to prove they were right. They could break every law and still not feel deserving of the consequences. Then onto the couch. “Hey, Y/N, come here a sec, would ya?”

Tapping your pencil on your notebook, there was seriousness in his voice that raised concern. So you walked around the couch expecting to take his seat on the coffee table but instead he pulled you onto his lap, forcing your legs apart so you were straddling him. Your back arched again. All these years and though you’d found him attractive, these past few weeks were different. Sexiness came from how affectionate he was, or could be, and the man oozed it. He pulled you in for a kiss before talking. “We’ve been doing that a lot lately. Everything okay? I mean it sounded like you guys did good. Saved the child?”

“Yeah, I mean, life is pretty good. I’ve just been thinking. You and me, I know we go way back but here recently I can’t help but think we’re really good together, right? I mean, you could see it if you tried right? Being, maybe, more than just friends? Just roommates?”

That shot a jolt of fear through you. And concern. Had he discovered the test and now he was just trying to do what was right? It was one thing to know you were undoubtedly falling head over heels for this guy but to entrap him with a baby was a totally different scenario. He had every right to be a part of his child’s life but should never be forced into a loveless relationship and neither of you had ever professed your love. Great sex was not love and sadly, making babies together was not love either. Even though he could probably see that expression of fear all over your face, you tried hard to play it off. “Seriously, we share a couple of earth shaking orgasms and now you want to take a stab at forever, Sonny? Don’t be so mean.”

“I am serious,” he said, visibly hurt by your words. Almost that look a man would have if he proposed and then was rejected. Had you made him feel rejected?

“Come on, Sonny, how long have we been friends. You cannot be serious. That is just, well, it’s a little ridiculous. And insulting.” You feverishly were trying to protect your heart here, not knowing if this was the right time to spring the baby on him or even figure out if he knew. If you had to guess you were fishing for the latter. As you started to rise off his lap, what came next was not expected in the least. His nostrils flared a little and despite not being a big, bulky man, he was strong. He gripped your arms and threw you off to the side, landing on the couch. He’d actually hurt you. Was he so butt hurt that you didn’t take his seriously that he was willing to hurt you?

“Ouch, Sonny, that fucking hurt! You asshole!”

But he was up and on his feet now pacing. “That hurt? You landed on the sofa, Y/N. And, and, I’m an asshole? What about you? I put it out there, my heart on the line and you what, you just laugh at me like this is a big fucking joke? Good enough to live with, good enough to fuck but nothing else, huh? You don’t think I could take care of you?” He was screaming and you should have appeared visibly frightened to him. Something you think would make him stop but the only explanation you had in your head was he knew you were pregnant and this rejection was too much to handle. Sonny had yelled before around you but never laid hands on you and even though he hadn’t hit you your arms were still throbbing from his grip. 

Dumbstruck, your own anger rose to the surface. “One second you are telling me you think we’d be great together and the next you’re tossing me around like afucking ragdoll because, what? I didn’t think you were serious? I deserved for you to lash out at me like that? You’re acting like your dad, Dominick.” You spit those words out with way more vitriol that you’d planned. Sonny tried so hard to be anything but Dominick Carisi the Senior and yet here you were fighting with him because his temper got the better of him. His face grayed. If not taking him seriously about a relationship hit a nerve, that statement must have set all of them on fire. 

“What the hell did you just say to me?” He took a step forward and stopped but his finger was pointing at you and there were tears building in both your eyes. He looked pissed still but more hurt than upset. 

Trying your damnedest to stand your ground. “You really think I would be okay with this behavior? You don’t love me, Sonny. You picked me up and threw me like I was nothing. I don’t give a shit what kind of man I thought you were, I can’t have this baby. And have to deal with that temper, all the time? Is that what this is? Like, make me love you and then you just turn into your father? I will not lie down for you. Fuck you. I’m leaving. I’m gonna go to B/F’s place. You can stay here and wonder what the hell just happened. I’m out.” You stormed off to your room, shaking and crying and could not find your phone before you realized it was still on the table with all your books. “Fuck,” you muttered. You two had never had an argument. Not once in nearly five years. Trying your best to calm down you pulled your gym bag out of the closet and broke down in tears. 

Sonny, on the other hand, was now standing alone in the living room trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. He’d thought all day about you and how there was a shift and about your past together and it all seemed so crazy that he had not realized sooner he’d fallen for you. Amanda had teased him before about it but no matter how many times he heard it from other people he’d never been able to admit it. But then he almost died and thinking deeply about the people he loved or even the people that would be upset had he been killed, you were right there in the forefront, even before his mother and sisters. The detective part of his brain kicked into overdrive. On the way home he’d worked himself up thinking there was no way that a girl like you could ever love a guy like him. The sex was great and really, everything else seemed great too, so why not see where it could go. Getting angry was the last thing he’d thought about and yet here he was exploding with emotion and so raw. 

You’d equated him to his father, which is the last man in the world Sonny ever wanted to be compared to. You overreacted and said he’d thrown you when all he was trying to do was get you off him and if he did that too harshly he was sorry, but his heart was breaking because he swear you’d said something about a baby? And not just a generic statement but the words ‘this baby’ as in an already existing child? And then the comparison to his father? That was a low blow but was it because you were pregnant? His confusion was too much. Taking a breath, a big one, he went to your room and knocked on the door before opening it.

You were curled on the bed crying. Sonny walked around, hands up and started talking like he would to a rape victim at work. “We need to talk. And you have every right to be mad at me, Y/N, you do, but you can’t shut me out like this. Not after what you said out there.”

Eyes burning you found the courage to look at his face. “I know, Sonny. It was unfair of me to compare you to your father, and I am sorry. But I have never seen you that angry and you have never treated me that way. I am totally caught off guard by it.” Sitting up, you grabbed a pillow and pulled it close to your body, squeezing it like a child would a teddy bear. “What is going on with you? Lately you have been so different.”

“It’s not obvious?” He asked, confused.

“Obvious? The only thing obvious here is that we just had a major blow up and I am not sure we can come back from this.”

“Don’t you think we have to? I mean we should, right?” He nodded in your direction but you were not putting two and two together. 

“What do you mean we have to?”

Sonny had always been really great and knowing when a woman was pregnant given just how much time he’d spent around women. His baby sisters, his partner - every time they were pregnant, Sonny knew. How had he missed it with you?

“Y/N, you said out there, I can’t have this baby… you’re pregnant. And you didn’t tell me? Were you going to? Cause I am so confused.”

There would be no way Sonny would miss the color leaving your face. You said that out loud? Holy shit. You were upset and not thinking, but that was not the way you wanted Sonny to hear about it. Somehow you thought you would not have to tell him, that he would know and just ask you and then you could answer honestly. Instead, you spewed it out in a hateful, over-dramatic way because you didn’t think he could seriously ever love you despite how much he had changed over the past few weeks. You loved Sonny and deep down you knew it and were too afraid to admit it and then finding out you were having his baby you also knew you didn’t feel worthy enough to be the mother of his child. 

Choking back your emotions you began to speak slowly and as steadily as you possibly could. “Sonny, I, um…”

He moved to sit on the bed with you, calm as ever, the man you knew you loved. “I am so sorry I scared you. That is not who I am, Y/N and I hope you know that, but this is big and we do need to at least talk about this. I mean, you didn’t mean it did you? You wouldn’t get rid of the baby, would you?”

“No! It’s just, I found out last week the morning you came into the shower. You were acting so unlike you and I thought you’d seen the box or the test and I am still not sure why you haven’t asked about it? I just thought you were acting differently because you knew. And then you’re asking me out there if we should be a thing and that we work great together and I felt like because you had to know that you were only asking me because I am pregnant and not because you really love me or want to be with me or us. Then you got angry and I have never seen you so angry, not once and I must be the reason right? Me or the baby or both?” By time you were done with the hysterical rant you were practically out of breath.

All Sonny could do was smile. He felt like a total ass for allowing his temper to get the better of him. “Did I hurt you out there? I mean, I know I hurt you, but are you hurt, like needing to go to the hospital hurt?” All you could do was nod no. “Okay, I want to put it out there that I didn’t know. I have been acting so differently because when Cole tried to kill me, my world changed. I have been shot at and I know the job is dangerous, but literally my life flashed before my eyes. And on the way home, once I was alone, I had time to think about everything I would be leaving behind and how much I would miss you. And then you took care of me and I realized how you really always have. You work two jobs,” he smiled that beautiful, crooked smile, “Yeah, don’t think I don’t know about the cuddling thing. Either way. You pick up my dry cleaning, you were my biggest cheerleader when I was at Fordham. You’re everything, Y/N. So, yeah, things were different that night and I wasn’t sure how to tell you without freaking you out.”

You started laughing through the falling tears. His words were sweet and you knew that moment of upset was just as much a misunderstanding as it was a shock to both you. Sonny was not Dominick - never had been, never would be. This whole thing was a moment in time, two people who’d fallen in love and were too afraid to admit it. “Our child is going to be born talking, isn’t it?”

You both laughed. The tears in his eyes were those of joy. He pointed and you nodded before he crawled up on the bed the rest of the way, beside you, and took you into his arms. 

“I love you, Y/N. I promise I will never, ever lash out like that again. Will you promise me something though?”

Looking up into his eyes, “I love you too, Sonny. And I am sorry I didn’t just tell you. What do you want me to promise?”

“That the next time there is something THIS big, you tell me?”

“I promise.”

[zoequeenz]

Plain Sight (Part 2)

A/N: Hello! Here is the July post! Hope you enjoy. Just some things to consider and let me know. 1) Should I make these a Y/N insert? I love Percy and I have many ideas for her but character fanfics work better on Wattpad and Quotev (I post this story there as well). I know I like the Tumblr fics I read to be reader insert. 2) I never specify anything about Percy’s looks because I want people to insert how they look for her and have learned from Tik Tok that there are subtle things I put in my story that may keep others from imagining they are Percy. So I will go back and edit those parts and from now on will try my very best to not write anything that may set a certain race or anything else to Percy. I want her to be open to any reader’s looks. I always wanted that and have realized that I haven’t with the small details I put in. I apologize, I want everyone to read this and think they are Percy. Thank you for reading, Zoe.

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MASTERLIST PREVIOUS CHAPTER

3rd Person POV

Marcia Gordon prepares her dinner like any normal day. Unbeknownst to her, her back door is being opened by a hooded figure. They creep in quietly as Marcia continues on with her job. She is then tackled to the ground. She never saw it coming.

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Persephone Chase’s POV

Gideon, Derek, and I were headed to the crime scene with Detective Martin. Gideon and were seated in the back looking through our file while Derek was sitting in the passenger seat.

“This profiling really works?” Martin asks, breaking the silence.

“It’s a tool.” Derek vaguely answers.

“You can tell all about a guy from looking at this scene?” Martin questions further.

“Not all.” I add.

“The scene’s only part of it. We also use victimology, precedent. We can usually get a fairly clear picture of the guy.” Derek elaborates.

“Our guys went over it pretty well.” Martin says.

Derek laughs “I’m sure they did.”

“Local officers aren’t trained to look for the things we look for.” Gideon pipes up.

“What’s that?” Martin questions.

“Hate, insecurity, fear, anger.” Gideon informs.

“That’s all at the scene?” Martin asks, surprised.

“It’s all in his behavior.” Derek adds.

“Know anything about our guy yet?” Martin asks.

“Yeah. He isn’t gonna stop until he’s caught.” Gideon answers.

Martin looks at Derek stunned. Has he never had a case like this before? These guys are everywhere. Maybe that is my BAU brain talking, I never stop seeing this stuff. He may never see it again for the next few years. He’s lucky, I’d give anything to stop seeing all this evil stuff. After what seemed like a long ride, we arrive at the scene. We walk up together and Gideon notices the two police cars driving by.

“You increased patrols in these neighborhoods when the pattern was identified?” he asks Martin.

“After the fourth victim. Bosses cancelled days off, vacations.” Martin answers.

“Neighborhood full of cruisers and he still struck two more times.” Derek adds as Gideon’s phone begins to ring.

“He blends.” Gideon says answering his phone.

We stop walking to see what is going on. Apparently, another attempt had been made but luckily the victim’s husband came home right in time and saved her. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Thank goodness she was okay. As soon as Gideon told us Martin was ready to leave.

“Hey. Hey. Hey. Where are you going?” Derek asks him.

“Over there.” Martin states.

“Well, the units are already heading that way. We can get more accomplished here.” Gideon tells him.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Martin asks.

“No. If there’s an arrest, what we find here will help you prosecute.” Derek explains.

“This scene won’t be pristine forever.” Gideon adds.

“They’re right, it’s better if you stay here and help us find anything that can get this guy.” I say trying to get Martin to understand.

“Guys, knock yourselves out.” Martin says handing the keys to Gideon.

“Hey, wait a minute.” Derek stops him.

“The Unsub went through the back, right?”

“The family room. It’s the window full of print dust.” Martin elaborated.

“Gideon, Persephone, I’m going around the house.” Derek tells us.

I nod in response while Gideon pulls down the tape and cuts open the sticker on the door. I follow Gideon and right as you walk in you are met with a picture of the family. My heart hurts. These poor people just lost their mother, his wife. Gideon goes up the stairs but I join Derek in the family room. He figures that the Unsub needs to be a little athletic to get into the window. Next we head to the kitchen. Derek just continues to voice his thoughts, I look around to see if there is anything the police missed.

“He took the appliances, which are upstairs. Why?” Derek says out loud.

“Maybe he is jealous of them. He can’t afford them and seeing someone who could, made him mad.” I say.

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3rd Person POV

Hotch and Elle just arrived at the newest victims house. It was bustling with people. Some taking photos, others marking evidence, and another big group questioning the victim’s husband. Hotch comments on she was lucky, Elle was quick to follow up with she may not feel so lucky now. The lead detective asks for confirmation on the Unsub’s description then tells his team to get it out to the field asap. It was rare to have an interacial serial sex crime, but not impossible. Elle and Hotch were beginning to doubt the description of the Unsub. Elle notices Marcia’s shaking hand. She’s nervous, no woman who has almost been raped wants to be in a room surrounded by men. Elle approaches Marcia and asks to speak with her alone.

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Persephone Chase’s POV

I continue to trail Derek as he makes his way to the dining room. The china cabinets are wide open. All higher priced things I am assuming.

“I didn’t take it, I broke it.” Derek says out loud again.

“This Unsub has a real anger for luxury items. The appliances, the china, and the silver. He could have come from a high class family but was casted out or was somehow connected to one and was shamed after a break in the relationship. He continues to go for higher class women, maybe a mother figure or a mother of a girlfriend.” I say to myself bouncing off Derek’s words.

“Why wouldn’t she hear me?” Derek asks.

He’s right. This man is breaking numerous things and the victims doesn’t hear a single one.

“Because I did it after.” Derek realizes.

We make our way to the bedroom, Gideon was there. His eyes were glued to the TV.

“She had a workout video on. Step aerobics.” he says.

“Step aerobics? With the platforms?” Derek asks.

“Step up, step down, step up, step down?”

“Where’s the platform?” Gideon asks.

“Did he take it with him?” I ask.

Gideon shakes his head walking to the bed and looking under it. “He spent a lot of time here.” he says.

“What, so he vacuumed?” Derek questions.

“I mean, there’s no marks from the platforms.”

“A lot of time.” Gideon repeats again to get the point across.

“The broken things.” Derek starts.

“She must have been already dead or incapacitated when he did that. Cappuccino maker from the kitchen, dishes, vases, broken jewelry.”

“Could show he has a hatred for the higher class. Maybe that is why he targets these specific women.” I say.

Gideon smiles “Symbols. “Your riches, gold, garments, jewels bright. Your house and land must on new owners light.”

“Her riches.” Derek says.

“Right. You ever feel like there’s something obvious right in front of you, you just can’t see it?” Gideon asks.

“Yeah. Usually right before a woman dumps me.” Derek answers. I bite back a smile, such a Derek answer.

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3rd Person POV

Elle and Marcia sit outside, away from the others and the pressure of telling everything she can. Marcia tells Elle she doesn’t know much, Elle reassures her she doesn’t have to. They are out here for silence so Marcia can collect her thoughts. Elle then gives her space, but before she can leave Marcia spoke up. She didn’t know he was in the house. She then begins to explain what happened. The struggle they went through, the fight she put up. Her husband came right in time, saved her. Marcia couldn’t confirm his race, all she could remember was his eyes. They stared back at her, through a ski mask. Elle tells Marcia she did good as she breaks down in tears.

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Persephone Chase’s POV

After we finished at the house, we made our way back to the police station. As soon as we entered Spency was on our trail with some information. “The versus.” he starts.

“Found something?” Gideon asks.

“Uh, not an answer, a question. I found the full text. He’s pretty much following it to a T, at least the Death side of the conversation.” Spencer explains.

“But?” Gideon asks.

“Why didn’t he leave them at the first three murders? I mean, this ballad is ten versus long just on the death side, he’s got plenty to work with. But if it’s not part of his signature, if it isn’t something that he has to do for an emotional reason, then, I mean, why start?” Spencer asks.

We all look around at each other. Spencer is right, why? Maybe attention.

“JJ, find out when the press ran the first story on this Unsub.” Gideon says.

“When?” she asks.

“After which victim.” he clarifies.

“Yeah, you got it.” she says.

“What’re you thinking?” Derek asks Gideon. “He wasn’t getting enough attention.” Gideon states.

“Police departments sometimes don’t even realize they’re looking at a pattern.” Spencer says.

“Yeah, until somebody tells ‘em.” Derek adds.

“The first story ran the morning after the fourth victim was found.” JJ tells us.

“The increased patrols didn’t begin until after the fourth victim, either.” Derek reads from his file.

“Yeah, the police didn’t realize what was happening, he writes his verse.” Gideon says.

“And everyone knows that he was there.” Spencer finishes.

Hotch and Elle then enter.

“The offender in this new attempt is a black male.” Hotch announces. “Black male? Cross racial doesn’t happen.” Derek says.

“What about Herbert Mullin?” Spencer asks.

“He killed fourteen different people of completely varying ages, races, and creeds.”

“But there was no sexual component to his crimes.” Elle adds.

“And he wore a ski mask. This attacker wore a ski mask.”

“So this is a random attack similar to our Unsub.” I say.

“Tell ‘em we’re ready.” Gideon says.

“For our profile?” Derek asks.

“We’re gonna make Tommy contact us.” Gideon says looking at the various photos of the victims. Then I noticed that all of the victims’ eyes were open. No way this new Unsub was Tommy, Tommy wanted his victims to see him. He wouldn’t wear a ski mask.

NEXT CHAPTER

TAGLIST 

@thesailbells​

[s0ulhealing]

Well— I’ve literally typed and erased paragraphs multiple times at this point. I don’t even really know where to start but I have to remind myself that that’s okay. That this is meant to be organic... and raw... and literally just everything I’m feeling- however it comes. It doesn’t always need to be grammatically correct~ nor does it need to make sense to anyone but me.

It’s been a long time since I’ve made myself vulnerable when it comes to writing. I mean... I haven’t done this in nearly ten years. This as in tumblr. And even then, my writing habits have came in waves. I went years without hardly writing a thing but I know that writing is so healthy... especially for an overthinking, over feeling empath like me. I plan to write about and share a lot of personal things throughout this journey. I don’t think I can really afford therapy... or maybe I’m just intimidated by the fact that I wouldn’t even know where to start... but for whatever the reason(s) I’m avoiding it... I’ve somewhat convinced myself that tumblr might be a solid replacement to a therapist.

I need to get these things out. I need an outlet to share the things I feel. The struggles I face. My experiences, dreams and everything in between.

Because things are going to get personal, I do plan on going by a name other than my own. So to all of you, I will be Rae <3 I will also more than likely change most of the names of the people in any of the stories I share. Not that I expect this to reach many people... but just to keep it confidential-ish I’m just gonna do it. Plus it might just be fun lol.

The idea of being able to have a social media platform that isn’t about sharing all of the good things in my life... and where I’m able to NOT give a shit what other people think about me is so exciting. I’m the type of person that maybe like... I dunno~ three times in a year I will ‘overshare’ or put something out on the internet and will almost instantly regret it. As soon as people start commenting and reacting to it I’m just like what the fuck did I just do lol. I think I immediately get overwhelmed with the fact that I now have put my business out there and people start to get involved... making me feel obligated to respond to whatever they say. Which I hate. I’m not a good replier. I literally suck at texting anyone I’m not already super close with. Same with how this whole thing started, I will type and delete a text message multiple times over. It takes me so long to collect a thought that makes sense. It literally blows my mind that some people can respond to things in literal seconds. I need time to like... think about a good response. And time to proof read and re read. I dunno. Like, when I’m messaging my best friends it literally doesn’t matter how I text. The way I text them is a beautiful demonstration of how my wacko brain works. I will literally send multiple messages with short sentences, paragraphs, even sometimes just one word all broken up into a ton of different texts. I think I feel confined when trying to send a message all wrapped up into one text message. It’s like... how on earth can I fit all this crazy into one bubble? So yeah, I think that’s a huge reason i end up regretting putting things on the internet via my social media accounts.

I think that this platform will be really healthy for me... and even though I don’t really know what I’m doing on here anymore I’m sure in due time I will figure it out. I’m excited for this journey. I’m looking for release, a way to truly work through the things that bring me pain, a way to better get to know myself, a history book of my mind... a way to guide myself through the weirdness of the world. Hopefully a way to connect with people who struggle with similar things as me... a better understanding of where I’m at. For too long I have suppressed a lot of things that cause me pain. I went through years of traumatic mental abuse and just closed the chapter and moved on like nothing happened. I don’t even think anyone close to me knows 100% of everything that went on during that relationship just because while it was happening I didn’t want anyone to know and at this point I just feel like after a year a half of it being over everyone close to me is tired of hearing about it. Which I totally get... because everyone close to me was over my ex like... years before I was unfortunately. But there was just a lot of shitty things that happened during that time that might be healthy for me to process. I dunno. I just like knowing that I have the option of being able to share these things ‘out loud’ without feeling guilty.

I’m excited to see where this goes.

I think one of the beautiful things about the internet is it’s ability to connect us to other people similar to us. The internet does have the ability to make us feel a lot less alone. A lot of the things that make —us— us aren’t on the surface. They aren’t things that you can just ‘tell’ by looking at people. The things that really make us —US- run deep, deep on the inside. In the way we think. How we feel. The experiences we’ve had and the way we perceive things. Everyone has their ‘things’ they don’t really talk about. The things maybe only they’re super super close people know... even then, sometimes they still don’t share. For whatever reason. I think for me, the things I don’t share are the things I wish I could share the most. The things I keep to myself are the things that bring me the most pain. I wonder if that’s the case for most people? Probably. We’re so conditioned to think we all just have to struggle and go through things on our own that we all feel this insane amount of guilt when sharing the heavy stuff. I say ‘we all’ even though I know it doesn’t pertain to e v e r y o n e but i know that there are people like me who definitely relate to that statement.

I’m also hoping that getting these thoughts out on paper improves my everyday communication skills. Working through and processing outside the confinement of my brain will hopefully allow me to get more well rounded thoughts out which will hopefully allow me to just be able to communicate better in general.

Yay <3

To new beginnings ~ and after an extremely intense and transformational full moon I am excited to start this journey now. I would like to share my intention of creating at least ~one~ journal entry every single day from full moon to full moon. I owe it to myself to be heard.

I owe it to myself to make the time.

there’s a lot of inner work that needs to be done- and I am ready to start this journey. I control my happiness and this is MY LIFE TO L I V E.

so much love,

Rae <3

[thank-you-for-the-vampire-money]

TIMELESS

This fic is for @katie-my-lady​ (imma send this to her since tumblr is trash and won’t let me tag her)

A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS!  Here’s your special WonderTrev Secret Santa fic!  I hope you enjoy feel free to ask if you want me to DM it to you or invite you to the GoogleDoc! Also i really love your blog, I’m so glad I was matched with you and I hope we can become friends!

Steve Trevor x Diana Prince

Word count: 1687

Summary: Steve and Diana show their love in many various ways, some more unconventional than others.

Warnings: This jumps around a timeline and is a little of an AU?  Like, Steve and Diana live happily ever after and nothing bad ever happened to them.

1983

Diana thanked the vendor as she grabbed her sundae and Steve’s milkshake from the counter and walking to their little table by the window. “Strawberry, with two Oreos on top, just how you like it,” she grinned, setting the glass cup in front of him.

Steve gave her a quizzical look. “I’ve never had an Oreo before,” he said, ripping the paper wrapping off his thick straw, “how could that be ‘just how I like it’?”.

A little smirk of pride crept onto Diana’s lips. “Try it…” she said, nodding her head at the little cookie. She knew what she was doing.

He tilted his head, chuckling. This was ridiculous, but he trusted her. He took the cookie in between his fingers, licking the bit of whipped cream off of it before shoving the whole thing in his mouth. His eyes went wide as the sweet flavor touched his taste buds. “Holy shit…” he mumbled through his full mouth.

“I know, right?” she giggled, watching his reaction as she took a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

“You’re always right,” he nodded, taking the other cookie, also eating it on one bite.

“Do you want me to get you more?” she laughed, wiping some stray crumbs off his lip with the pad of her thumb.

“Yes please,” he nodded, mouth still food.

 1918

Steve smiled as Diana rested her head on his shoulder, wrapping his arm around her broad shoulders. “What’s that one?” he asked, pointing to a particularly bright spot in the night sky.

“That one is actually Mars, named after the Roman god of war,” Diana answered, staring at the little dot, “you can tell it’s not a star because it doesn’t sparkle, like the other ones,”. She loved little moments like this; cool summer nights, exploring the skies with the love of her life.

“I know who Mars is… he almost killed me,” Steve chuckled, still in disbelief that he survived that whole debacle. He lifted his gaze back up to the stars, amazed as he watched a comet fly across the atmosphere. “Diana! Look! Make a wish!” he beamed, squeezing her closer in excitement.

She watched it disappear into the darkness very confused. “What?” she asked, “wish? Why? It’s a star…”.

His face fell into an expression of slight disappointment. “It’s a shooting star, you don’t see those every day…” he explained, pointing up to where the star blazed its path, “when you see one, you close your eyes and make a wish,”.

“Oh,” she hummed, liking the whimsical concept. Diana looked back up at the sky, closing her eyes gently. her eyelashes grazed her cheeks as she made her wish. She opened them again, the moonlight highlighting her brown eyes. “It didn’t work,” she frowned, looking at Steve for an explanation.

“Well what did you wish for?” he asked, giggling as he kissed her nose playfully.

A smile broke out on Diana’s illuminated face. She settled back into her comfortable position, tucked into his side. “Nevermind, it worked,” she sighed.

“What? What did you wish?” Steve asked, a bit confused, but mostly curious.

“You kissed me,”

1985

Things were very different in this time. Fashion, politics… but the one thing Steve was glad hadn’t changed was art. Sure, style and medium had changed, but he was glad art was still important to people. Steve sat on the bench in front of the Mona Lisa, simply staring at it. Even though it was almost closing time, there were still a handful of people in the museum adoring the piece and taking pictures. But, to be honest, Steve didn’t even notice they were there.

Almost every day Steve would come into the Louvre an hour before closing. At first it was so he could walk home with Diana after she was done with work, but after a few weeks, he’d come early just to look at the art. He’d wander around for hours, lost in the peace and quiet of his thoughts. He loved all the art, but his favorite, of course, was Lisa. It was such a surreal feeling to think he was in the physical presence of a piece of history.

“Visiting your friend again?” Diana asked, startling Steve out of his trance.

“Oh! Hi… uh… y-yeah…” he nodded, giving her an adorable half-smile as his cheeks turned red. He grabbed his wallet off the bench and shoved it in his pocket as he stood up, “I swear I’ve seen her twenty million times, but I never get tired of her,” he said, turning back to get one last look at the canvas.

“I should let you see my office sometime,” Diana hummed, holding his hand as she took in the mastery of the painting, “you’d be amazed by everything I have on display in there,”.

Steve gave a little chuckle, slipping on his jacket. “I’m afraid I’d get distracted by one masterpiece, as I usually do,” he said, looking into her eyes with that special look.

Diana caught his drift, shaking her head at the dumb pick-up line. “You’re awful,” she chuckled, walking towards the exit.

“Who said I was referring to you?” Steve said sarcastically, unable to keep from laughing.

With a dramatic eye roll, Diana playfully shoved his shoulder, “let’s go home, you dork,”.

1919

The sun beamed down on the shores of Themyscira, the crystal blue waves crashing gently on the shore. Steve laid on the sand, wearing nothing but a cotton tunic, letting the warmth soak into his skin. The cool water touched his toes, making him stir from his catnap.

“Feels nice, doesn’t it?” Diana grinned, kissing his head as she returned with a tray of fruit and wine.

“I never want to move,” he grinned, flipping onto his back, “I just want to stay here with you forever,”.

She grinned, kissing his head and brushing the stray hairs out of his face. “Well you’ll have to come inside eventually, even if I have to carry you inside,” she said, sitting beside him, shifting her white dress around her legs.

“Ooh! Will you?” he grinned, sitting up. Steve liked to think of himself as very masculine, but his one weakness was being carried by and piggyback rides from Diana.

Diana laughed as he kissed her knuckles, making her blush a little bit. “Yes, I can do that,” she promised, “as long as you actually go to bed tonight! You’re not keeping me up ‘til sunrise again,”.

“Oh, like you didn’t like it,” he winked, seductively placing a hand on her strong thigh, leaning closer to kiss her lips.

“Oh don’t start again, I need sleep!” she giggled, playfully pushing him away, “I’m part of the royal family, I have a lot of responsibilities, responsibilities that require SLEEP,”.

He rolled his eyes sarcastically, kissing her cheek before grabbing a fresh peach. “Sure, sure,” nodded, smiling and lying back down on the sand, “but after you’re done with your ‘responsibilities’, you can come to me for… ‘stress relief’,”.

Diana just flicked a grape at his head, making him laugh.

1980

“Say ‘cheese!’” Steve grinned, focusing the camera on Diana as she stood in front of the Eiffel tower. She gave a professional smile, sitting up straight. “Aw, c’mon Diana, give me a big smile!” he teased, adjusting the film to get ready to take another.

“I don’t have to listen to you,” she joked, grinning as she tried to smile bigger, the wind blowing her hair into her face, the locks getting stuck in her lipstick.

Steve thought for a moment, getting an idea. “Hey Diana!” he called.

“Hm?” she answered, pulling her hair back, confused about what he was doing. 

“Are you France? Because Eiffel for you!” he grinned, hoping that’d make her laugh.

She just rolled her eyes. “That was terrible,” she giggled, hissing through her teeth like a silly snake.

“Are you a thief? Because you’ve stolen my heart!” he called, his smile getting wider as his brain kept coming up with terrible puns.

“Steve,” she called, not sure if she could handle such bad humor, “honey, I love you, but you’re not that funny,”.

“One more, one more! I know I can make you laugh!” he called, getting ready to snap a picture of her reaction. This had to be a good one. “Are you a beaver? Because DAAAAAMN!” he said, holding his breath as he waited for her to react.

Diana stood there, her lips set in a straight line. Steve had thought he had failed until he heard her chortle. She showed off her pretty smile, laughing out loud at the horrendous pick-up line.

Steve quickly snapped a picture before going up to her. “Am I funny now?” he asked, pecking her lips.

“No, but that was so bad I had to laugh,” she sniffed, catching her breath.

1921

It was quiet. It was dark. All you could hear was the calming sounds of rain and thunder as the moonlit up the small London apartment. Steve laid on his stomach beside Diana, the light coming through the window highlighting his face.

Diana was sleeping beside him, a hand laid on his bare back as she shifted closer. Neither of them was awake, but they felt each other’s presence; they were drawn to it. They could each sense their warmth and hear their soft breathing.

They could feel when the other was having a nightmare and hold them closer, they could feet when the other was cold and cuddle up to them, it was like their brain waves were connected.

Steve shuffled closer to his wife, resting his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. That always soothed him, it was like music, a song of her life.

Diana shifted, wrapping her arms around him, kissing his head in her sleep before settling back into slumber.

Each of their souls reached out to one another, intertwining in an ethereal “I love you,”. Truly, they were made for each other, crafted by the gods to fit each other perfectly. Little did they know, their love was eternal, written in the stars

[chiefnooniensingh]

I Won’t Hesitate (for you) Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Do not try me, devil devil

In this chapter: We meet Detective Valenti who tries to solve the Rosa Ortecho case. In the present day, we'll find out the source of the screaming and Alex's three day holiday is cancelled. Alex and the young doctor Kyle team up. A connection is found.

A/n: A special thanks to Aileen (@acomebackstory​), Callie (@callieramics​), @hm-arn​, @royalshadowhunter​ and @ladymajavader​ over on Tumblr for their continued support and cheerleading. I don't know if I would've finished it without you guys!

Last week's chapter was titled "Oh take me back (to the night we met)" and it was taken from the song "The Night We Met" by Lord Huron and Phoebe Bridgers. This was guessed correctly by @hmd23 (on AO3)!

Can anyone guess this week's title AND performing artist?

also on: ao3

other chapters: 1 2

October, 1920

Almost a month after the kidnap and murder of Rosa Ortecho, Detective Valenti still had no solid leads. The poor girl’s body was completely clean of traces. Not even a hair was out of place on her body; it was as if she’d gone to sleep and simply never woke up again. Yet her windpipe was crushed, so Detective Valenti knew it was murder.

What he didn’t know, was who did it.

There were several tips from the local community. Most of it was false, Jim Valenti knew. Several people had reported a homeless veteran. He was supposedly sighted near the Ortecho residence around the time of the kidnap. Jim did his job, brought the man in, and released him the same day. War had destroyed the poor man’s mind and had taken his body with it. This man was neither mentally nor physically capable of planning a kidnap and murder without leaving any trace. Detective Valenti gave the man the address of his wife’s organization, that helped down-on-their-luck veterans get back on their feet. He doubted the man would go, but it was all he could do for the poor man.

The first real lead came a fortnight after the body had been discovered. Several of Chef Ortecho’s regulars had seen a young man fighting with Chef Ortecho one evening, about a month before the kidnapping took place. None of the stories matched on what they were fighting over, but they all ended the same; with the young man storming off and yelling, “You’re going to regret this, Ortecho!”

So Detective Valenti went to pick up the young man, who refused to identify himself and did not seem to have any legal documents to speak off. Jim suspected he was a recent immigrant still waiting for his papers. Or perhaps an illegal. It did not matter. He wasn’t border police; he was trying to solve a murder in his town.

The man steadfastly denied any involvement or knowledge, no matter what tactics Valenti and his department threw at him.

Apparently, the argument had been about a job Chef Ortecho had denied him. Tempers had run high, and the young man had said some unwise things. “I would never hurt anyone, Detective Valenti. I swear this.”

“I would be more inclined to belief you if you told us your name.” Detective Valenti said coldly. It was the third day of interrogation and he was beginning to lose patience. Either this man really did not know anything, or he was toying with them all. Either way, it was a frustrating process.

The young man shook his head, dark eyes glittering in the interrogation room’s half-light. “I cannot. I have no papers to prove myself, no real way to prove who I am. If I tell you my name, you will use all available measures to besmirch my name. I will never find any work. I’m sorry, Detective. I wish it were different.”

Five days Detective Valenti held the man in custody. Any and all legal tactics (and sometimes slightly illegal ones) were thrown at the man. Nothing yielded any results. The state’s capital was putting pressure on the sheriff’s department to just accuse this man, but Jim refused. He knew the state liked the young man as a suspect because he was dark-skinned and had no papers to speak off. To them it didn’t matter. He was guilty of being non-white, and that was good enough for them. Jim Valenti refused to participate in such barbaric practices. He wanted the real murderer, not some ponzi people could use to justify their racism.

So on the sixth day, Detective Valenti let the man go, with the Sheriff’s Department’s sincerest apologies.

They were back to square one.

Cursing profusely, Jim Valenti sat at his desk and stared at the picture of Rosa Ortecho from when she was found in the forest. He wanted justice for this poor young girl who was taken before her time.

But it was looking more and more as if that justice would never come.

Present day, 20th of October, 1935

Alex Manes sat bold upright, as the shriek from the cabin next to him continued and changed to hysterical sobs. There was shouting outside his cabin and hurried footsteps up and down the corridor. Several more people screamed or cursed.

As fast as his bad knee would allow, Alex dressed himself just enough to be decent and then yanked open his cabin door.

Outside, it was pandemonium. All the passengers were crowded around the Bracken’s cabin, from which hysterical sobs were still floating. “Move!” Alex shouted, and he started pushing a tall man he had not seen before aside. Beth and Mr Otto realized who was doing the pushing and immediately forced everyone further back, away from the door to clear a path for him. Alex reached the cabin door, which was closed. He tried the handle, but it was no use. It was locked. “Michael!” he yelled loudly, and the man appeared immediately, looking half-terrified and half-apprehensive. “Keys,” Alex said shortly, no time for pleasantries. Michael handed over the keys and Alex jammed the master key in the lock. Within seconds, he yanked open the door. His breath caught in his throat, and several people behind him gasped. Isobel Bracken was on the floor, her body flung over the still body of her husband, who was…drenched in blood.

“Mrs Bracken!” Alex said in astonishment. Behind him, someone had begun to sob.

Isobel looked up, her eyes red and her face wet from tears. “He’s dead!” she screeched. “Someone killed him! My husband!!” She was covered in his blood; her nightgown was soaked through and her blonde hair had stained pink in some places.

“Isobel, you need to come away from there now,” Alex said as calm as he could, even as his blood ran cold. A man was murdered in a locked cabin on a moving train. Worst – or maybe best, depending how one looked at it – of all, the carriage was locked at night.

Meaning the murderer was still in their midst.

This train ride had just become a murder scene.

“Out of the way, out of the way! What’s going on here?”

“Director Manes, there’s been a murder!” That was Mimi DeLuca’s voice, weaker than it had been last night and constricted with barely contained emotion.

“A murder? Wha – ?” Jesse Manes appeared in the doorway, looked in and cursed profusely. “That’s Noah Bracken, the director of the biggest oil company in the Midwest!”

Alex rolled his eyes. He knew his father was already thinking of the death of his reputation instead of the literal death that had happened here. Making a snap decision, he turned around. “A murder, yes, Director Manes. Alright, I need everyone to go back to their cabins, immediately please.”

Shocked and muttering amongst themselves, the small crowd dispersed.

“Michael!” Alex called, not even thinking about it. Michael was beside him immediately, looking grim. “Please take Mrs Bracken out of this cabin. Take her to the dining carriage, close it to the public. Keep the other door closed as well. Instruct the train staff that meals will be served in the cabins until further notice.” Michael nodded and began prying a still hysterical Isobel from her husband’s body.

As Michael wrestled her out the cabin, Jesse Manes grabbed Alex’s upper arm quite roughly. Alex flashed back to his youth momentarily, before yanking his arm from the grip and turning around to face his father. “What do you think you’re doing, Alex?” Jesse Manes hissed.

Alex leaned in close. “Solving your problem for you,” he hissed. Then he straightened. “Dr Kyle!” he called to the front of the carriage.

Kyle came out of his cabin, white as a sheet and looking shocked. “Yes?”

“Am I correct in assuming you covered forensic examinations in your studies?”

Kyle trotted over and swallowed hard. “You are, though it is not my specialty.”

“It will have to do. I will assist with any knowledge I have acquired over the years. But we need to examine this body and do it quickly. This was a murder and we need to find the murderer before we arrive in Paris, or we lose them forever,” Alex said, his logical brain going as fast as possible. Kyle nodded and returned to his cabin for his medical bag. Alex turned to his father, who was white with barely controlled fury. Some vindictive part of his brain thoroughly enjoyed seeing his father like this, but Alex had no time to dwell. “Director Manes, I need all the passengers to be kept in their cabins until further notice. I need a staff member from another car to stand guard. Under no circumstances is anyone allowed to venture out alone, especially not when we are at a station. The doors to the other cars were locked all night, yes?”

“That is procedure, yes,” Jesse Manes said, his jaw clenched hard. He was not used to being ordered around.

“That means that you and the rest of the staff can be discounted as suspects. So our suspect pool consists of 7 people. Eight,” he corrected himself as he saw Michael making his way towards them, his uniform stained with blood and his hair dishevelled. “Everyone who was present in this carriage after the doors were locked to the moment Mrs Bracken first discovered her husband to be dead.”

“Don’t you mean nine?” Jesse Manes said nastily. “You were present as well.”

Alex saw red with fury for a moment. “If you believe me capable of cold-blooded murder, you’re an even worse judge of character than I thought. Besides, if I were to murder someone, there is only one man for whom I hold enough hatred.” The vague threat hung in the air between them, as Jesse Manes blanched completely, then turned red with an impressive speed.

“You insolent little – ”

“Not so little anymore, father. Your precious army saw to that,” Alex spat, getting as close to his father as he felt capable.

“Alex,” a soft voice broke into his red haze, and a warm hand on his arm pulled him a step back. He looked at the hand and recognized it immediately. Michael. He looked up at him, and the man was looking at him in a way Alex hadn’t been looked at in close to ten years. Just like that, he was back to being that 16-year-old kid, spending his afternoons with Michael under their tree.

He shook his head to clear the image and took another step back, brushing his own hand to Michael’s ever so lightly in gratitude. Michael broke his gaze and stepped back, looking at Jesse Manes with contempt. “I’m going to solve this murder, father. You can either assist or get the hell out of my way.” He turned to Kyle, who was wearing gloves and carrying his bag, looking awkwardly between the three of them. Colour had somewhat returned to his cheeks and he looked determined. “Are you ready, doctor?” Alex refused to give the situation any more attention that it’d already gotten. They had, after all, a murder to solve.

At Kyle’s nod, Alex turned his back on his father completely and preceded Kyle into the cabin.

The first thing Alex noticed was that it was icy cold in the cabin. The window was open, letting in the crisp morning air. Alex immediately filed this away as odd. He didn’t think the Brackens would have opened that during the night. Which meant it might have been done by the murderer. “Michael, did we stop during the night?”

“Yes, we made a short stop in Vinkovci. It was only ten minutes though. I think it was around 3am?”

Alex nodded. “Can you fetch me my notebook, please? Top drawer of my nightstand.” Michael nodded and vanished, returning almost immediately with the book and a pencil. Alex scribbled down the information on a fresh page, headlining the page with MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS. It was a stupid habit but naming all his cases helped him remember them all the better.

Kyle had kneeled down next to Noah Bracken, and Alex now turned his attention fully to the body as well. The man’s dark skin had turned a noticeable shade of pale, his mouth had sagged open and his eyes were closed.

His eyes were closed.

“He never woke up,” Alex said out loud, frowning deeply. Kyle, Michael and Director Manes looked at him in surprise. “If he was murdered in his sleep, he would’ve woken up, even for a moment, an automatic reaction to the pain sensation. His eyes are closed. He never woke up.”

“What does that mean?” Michael asked, stepping closer. At Alex’s raised hand, he stopped and stepped back again.

“It means he was probably drugged before he was murdered. Maybe hours before. Maybe just before. Either way, the murderer went out of their way to make sure he made no sound.” Alex looked around and saw a teacup on the floor, chipped. He picked it up with his handkerchief and took a sniff. He coughed. “Yes, barbital.” Clever, really. If Noah Bracken had made even the slightest noise, Isobel would’ve woken up and the murderer would’ve been apprehended before being able to escape.

“Barbital?” Kyle said, incredulously. “That’s a very heavy sedative, how on earth did someone get hold of that?”

Alex shrugged. It was hardly the first time he’d seen a person drugged by barbital. It had even happened to him once. It had not been a pleasant experience. “It’s usually given for heavy anxieties, for people who cannot go outside on account of fear. And since women are often seen as hysterical and anxious…they get their hands on it quite easily, I assure you, Doctor.”

Kyle clicked his tongue. “Ridiculous.”

“Why don’t you tell your prejudiced colleagues, Doctor?” Alex said, putting the cup down gently and scanning the rest of the cabin for more clues.

Kyle flushed a bit, then straightened himself. “I’m ready to begin examination, Alex. Would you join me?” Alex went to his knees next to him, ignoring the painful twinge in his leg. The two men nodded to each other and Kyle went to work. “Alright, I’m removing the night shirt.”

“Careful,” Alex said, “That might be evidence.”

To his credit, Kyle was very careful to push the shirt out of the way only as much as was necessary for the wounds to reveal themselves. And wounds it was. Kyle and Alex both inhaled sharply. There were at least a dozen stab wounds on Noah Bracken’s torso. “It seemed the murderer wanted to make sure he was dead,” Kyle said, after a moment, his voice slightly constricted. Alex nodded mutely, counting the wounds and making a note of them in his book. “I’m going to take his temperature now.”

While Kyle went to work, Alex looked around the cabin. It was a mess. Isobel had evidently knocked over some stuff as she was trying to get to her husband. A pair of glasses, a book, a water glass, an old pocket watch. Frowning, Alex took out his kerchief again and picked up the watch. It was grievously damaged, its face shattered as if a knife had pierced it at great speed. Which, Alex realized, was probably exactly what happened. The hands were still, set at just a few minutes past 3AM. Would that be the time of the murder? Alex wondered, examining the watch curiously.

“Alright, internal temperature is about…32 degrees,” Kyle piped up, drawing Alex’s attention back to him. “That would put the time of death around…” He checked his own watch. Alex already knew what he was going to say, and so they said it in unison, “Three AM.” Kyle looked at him, surprised. Alex held up the watch, showing three AM.

“Two sources are better than one, my professor always said,” Kyle said, with an attempt at a smile. Alex inclined his head in agreement and made another note in his notebook.

“What can you tell me of the wounds, doctor?” Alex said, wrapping his hand tightly around the watch.

Kyle returned to the body and bent over the wounds to examine them closely. “Well, whoever it was, the murder was not business. Some of these wounds are very ragged, as if someone stabbed him quickly and roughly, as if in anger. Then again, these two,” his gloved pinkie finger pointed out a wound near the heart and on the lower left side, “look more precise. Deliberate. In fact, these two may have been the two that killed him instantly. That’s the heart and that’s the large intestine. The heart is the obvious killer, but if that one hadn’t killed him, this one would have. This much damage to the large intestine releases toxins and waste into the body. It kills a person slow, but it will kill.” He looked at the wounds again and frowned. “Odd. Some wounds go deeper than others, as if the murderer lost their strength halfway through.” Kyle sat back on his heels, frowning deeply. “Detective Manes, nothing makes sense about these wounds. They appear completely random and yet deliberate. Made by passion and yet with cold precision.”

Alex wrote it all down, frowning deeply. “Do you have an explanation?”

Kyle blew out his breath. “If I was a forensic examiner by trade, I might have had. But I’m a doctor. I deal with the living, not the dead. I can only tell you what I see, but not the why.”

Alex nodded. He wished he had his favourite forensic examiner with him from the NYPD. The man was a genius and had, at this point, seen everything. But he didn’t, so it was no point dwelling on the matter. “Any theories on the murder weapon?”

“A knife. It was a sharp blade, no ridges or blemishes to speak of. Military, perhaps. That’s about as precise as I can get.” Kyle rose to his feet, taking off the gloves and running his hands through his hair. He looked pale again. “Nasty business. And his poor wife. They’d only been married for a year, you know. To be widowed so soon is a crying shame.”

Alex nodded, barely registering Kyle’s words, still engrossed in his notebook as he tried to make sense of the details he had so far. A murder that was not planned yet performed deliberately? Nothing indeed made sense. “Thank you, Dr Kyle, that will be all for now. Please return to your cabin and stay there until otherwise instructed.”

Wordlessly, Kyle packed up his bag and left the room. Alex remained behind, engrossed in the details and in the room. Slowly, he backed away to the cabin door, so he could have a complete overview of the cabin. Sticking from beneath Noah Bracken’s bed was a newspaper clipping, faded yellow and looking as though it did not belong. Going laboriously to his knees again, he picked it up and examined it. It was only a headline, and incomplete at that, as it was half-burned.

… Ortecho (11). Her body was disc…

Alex froze. Ortecho. It couldn’t be. Looking up slowly, he looked at Noah Bracken’s face, then back at the newspaper clipping. Could this be…? Noah Bracken had the complexion, but Alex knew that was by far not enough. However, now that he looked really well, the man before him looked suspiciously like the man Detective Valenti had brought in for questioning. The only real suspect the sheriff’s department had ever had.

“Rosa Ortecho,” he said out loud.

“Excuse me?” said Michael and Jesse Manes in unison, making Alex jump. He had completely forgotten they were still there.

Alex showed them the newspaper clipping. “Rosa Ortecho. The girl that was kidnapped and murdered in Roswell, remember? This was the man who did it, or at least the police suspected he did. Noah Bracken, the young immigrant sheriff Valenti once questioned and cleared of all charges on grounds of no evidence. When I made the switch to private investigator, I reviewed the details of the case, see if there was anything the detectives missed back then. I remember the picture of the immigrant man they brought in. It was him,” Alex said, pointed to Noah Bracken. “This wasn’t a random murder at all. This was revenge. For Rosa Ortecho.”

Michael stared in shock at Alex, and Director Manes narrowed his eyes. Alex turned back to the body. Rosa Ortecho’s murderer. Finally found, and now a victim of a murder himself.

Alex nearly scoffed. This case was going to be the toughest one he’d taken yet.

[flourchildwrites]

Prompt: Mustang and Black Hayate + "old age"

Witch, Please!  Fictober 2019  (12/31)

A multi-fandom Fictober prompt compilation.  Your wish is my command, but be careful what you ask for.  You just might get it.

For @an-unexpected-trollogy

Prompt:  “Old Age”

Fandom:  Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types

Relationship/Pairing:  Roy Mustang & Black Hayate (featuring Olivier Mira Armstrong)

Genre:  Post-Canon, Family Life, Politics

Rating:  Teen And Up Audiences

Word Count:  1,080 words

Read on AO3

It wasn’t often that Roy Mustang woke up alone, but when Riza left, she took more than a suitcase with her. Their townhouse on Decatur Avenue felt frazzled and off-kilter that Autumn morning. As Nanny Armitage coaxed the rambunctious twins into matching pairs of overalls and set about serving breakfast, Black Hayate had a rare accident on the entryway rug. Roy rolled over to the sound of impassioned squealing as one of the children (his cenz were on Mae) toddled through the mess much to Nanny’s chagrin.

She appeared at the foot of the bed wearing a scowl that jolted him wide awake. Roy wondered if Norland College taught classes on how to scare human beings out of their wits with facial expressions alone.

“Please get up, Prime Minister. It’s half past six,” she announced with flawless, neutral intonation. The middle-aged woman tapped the face of her wristwatch as she watched her employer draw a hand across his eyes. “Professor Hawkeye-Mustang would not have you sleeping in on such an important day, and the dog has already made a mess in the hallway. Your assistance is required.”

Roy wracked the warped to-do list in his brain for the significance of this particular day. Fuzzy dates clicked, and he discarded them just as fast. June 7 was Riza’s birthday; December 21 was their anniversary. The twins were born on April 19. Nanny’s contact would need to be renewed on January 1, and the election was not until November. But the debate…

The debate was today, and he had an important meeting at 8 a.m. sharp.

Roy jumped in the shower and flicked the knob upward. Freezing water greeted him, but Roy did not have time to wait for the temperature to adjust itself. He wasn’t as young as he used to be, and before him stood the sometimes gargantuan task of making himself appear as attractive and energetic as contestants half his age.

Getting older had its perks – experience, connections and financial stability, to name a few, but those pastries his kids loved so much were a bitch to burn off. And if he didn’t get a move on, stomach pudge would be the least of his problems.

…

Heads turned and whispers loomed as the Prime Minister arrived at work that morning. Roy wondered if taking his dog to work was a mistake but had found it impossible to leave Black Hayate deep in the trenches of childrearing. Riza had often taken her pup into the office when the Shiba Inu was a feisty little tyke. But now patches of white marked their dog’s diminished coat, and it was impossible to ignore the pleading look in Hayate’s old puppy dog eyes when he had brought Roy his leash that morning. As the prime minister sympathetically peeled stickers from his dog’s fur, he had known that old Hayate needed a break just as much as he did.

And, honestly, if that was all he wanted, Roy was happy to oblige.

But when Roy turned the corner to enter his office, shrugging off the jacket of his three-piece suit, he found his secretary somewhat shaken.

“Kain,” he greeted, brows knit with concern, “is everything ok?”

Kain swallowed hard, eyes darting toward the door. “She’s here,” he said ominously. “She’s been waiting for 20 minutes, and she insisted on bringing her sword through security.”

“Oh.” It was the only appropriate response that Roy could muster. “I’ll get right to it then.”

After a cleansing breath, Roy thrust open the door to his office and found the most indomitable person he’d ever met waiting for him with a pressed military uniform and an intimidating scowl. Her polished saber glittered prominently at her side. Roy missed the simplicity of knowing what he would wear sometimes, but it had been many years since he’d been tasked to take up his old ignition gloves. For this, he was immeasurably thankful.

“Olivier,” he greeted, immediately recognizing his mistake. “General Armstong,” he corrected. “So lovely to see you again. Tell me, how are things at Briggs?”

Armstrong’s brow twitched with annoyance.

“Spare me your small talk, Mustang,” she said. “I’m here about the endorsement, and I’d like to stay on topic. I’m sure your children and my family are doing well enough without us having to discuss how well they, in fact, are.”

“Right,” Roy responded, sitting down at his desk. “To the point, then. Will you endorse me for reelection?”

Olivier took a deep breath. Uh oh. That wasn’t good.

“You know the climate at Briggs is complicated, Mustang,” she explained, not having actually answered. “My people are putting their lives on the line every day, and Drachma grows bolder with every passing season. Your policy of pacifism is chum for them, Prime Minister. They’ve been testing the waters lately. In the past, our greatest military assets were our State Alchemists. Without that threat and considering Briggs’ position on the front lines, I am growing concerned.”

Mustang scowled. This has not been what he wanted to hear, today of all days.

“I cannot support the reintegration of the State Alchemist program within our military branch,” Mustang stated. “No matter how good it sounds on paper. I have my reasons, General. You know that better than most.”

Again, Armstrong’s silence spoke volumes.

“I am withholding my endorsement for the time being,” Olivier announced, “but I have no plans to support your opposition either.”

Despite the terse mood of the room, Black Hayate trotted up to the General, and the frown etched into her timeless features fell. She discarded her right glove and scratched affectionately between his ears. Olivier’s eyes softened as he leaned into her surprisingly soft touch.

“I like dogs,” she announced. “They’re loyal and smart, especially this one. Your wife must have an eye for those characteristics.”

Roy smiled in spite of himself. “Yeah, Riza always has.”

“I offered her a job once,” she added almost apropos of nothing, “but she turned me down cold. Said that she felt her place was watching your back, that it always had been and always would be.”

The grin on Roy’s face grew larger. He hadn’t known that.

“Once they called you a dog of the military. Now they’re calling you old and afraid of your own shadow.”

Armstrong glanced up toward Roy. Her penetrating blue eyes sent a shiver down his spine.

“Prove them wrong, Mustang,” she said. “Show them that old dogs can have new tricks.”

A/N:  Thank you for the prompt. I hope you like it as much as I like these sort of asks popping up in my tumblr inbox. Feel free to send me pairing requests for particular prompts (Fictober or original) via my tumblr, and if you read something you like, don’t hesitate to let me know. Your kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, comments, likes and reblogs make my day!