#sometimes it really is hard to accept this

[wileys-russo]

in the blink of an eye (5) II a.putellas

series masterlist in the blink of an eye (5) II a.putellas

"-it happened again? usted no es serio?" you laughed in disbelief, the empty takeout cups of your coffees empty and long finished on the table in front of you.

"de nuevo. they must have a whatsapp!" alexia joked awkwardly as you grinned, the sight sending a very strange feeling through the blondes stomach which she rapidly pushed down and away.

"her new girlfriend leaving her for her ex girlfriend, different girls but twice now. we are sure she does not just find all of these chicas in the same bar?" you joked back as alexia chuckled, lips curling with amusement.

"sí sí, está maldita!" alexia shook her head, picking at the piece of banana cake she'd insisted the two of you split since it looked so good but you'd both been so busy talking you'd barely had a second to get a bite in, the icing now a little hard and crumbly.

"alexia you cannot call your own hermana cursed!" you laughed a little louder, throwing your head back and missing the soft smile which curved into the features of the girl across from you who covered it up by placing a forkful of cake into her mouth.

"por qué? she is!" the catalan insisted as you playfully rolled your eyes and sliced off your own mouthful of cake. "alba is unlucky, not cursed." you chuckled, covering your mouth with your hand as you pushed the fork past your lips causing alexia to snicker.

"qué?" you frowned once you'd swallowed and she wordlessly shook her head, small smile still playing on her face as you quirked an eyebrow. "no, tell me." you urged, twirling the fork between your fingers as your ex chuckled.

"you still do the eh, the mouth thing, when you eat." the girl gestured to her lips as you looked on confused, cutting off more cake and once again holding your hand over your mouth as you shoveled it inside.

"eso!" the blonde laughed as you did, pointing her finger at you accusingly as you realized just what she was referring to, feeling your cheeks heat up a little.

"i cannot help it, blame my mami for always telling me i looked ugly when i eat!" you rolled your eyes, alexia worried for a moment she'd offended you before your upper lip quivered as you tried not to smile.

"well you did like to talk with your mouth full." alexia teased as your eyes widened and she felt you kick her lightly under the table, mumbling that she was a dirty liar under your breath as the blonde grinned and snaked another bite of cake.

"cómo está ella?" the midfielder asked, tone softening just slightly but as hard as she may have tried you couldn't miss the ever so subtle hint of pity behind her question, and knowing exactly what it was about.

"ella está bien. she still grieves, cries, mourns, she thinks she hides it well but..." you trailed off with a sad smile, one which alexia mirrored as she hummed to show she was listening, giving you her full attention.

"i think having posie around is sometimes difficult for her even if she will never say so. mariposa is a reminder of natalia in ways that can be so beautiful, but also so hard." you mused honestly, not really having had anyone to talk to this about for some time now.

"she is also getting older, and that shows in her body more than she wants to accept. it is also why she is not able to take posie full time, she struggles to pick her up and hold her with the arthritis." you added on, realizing you were rambling a little more than you intended and stiffening, clearing your throat.

"lo siento, no quería seguir. cómo está eli?" you asked swiftly, alexia's eyebrows knitting together into a frown. "you do not need to be sorry. we got a coffee to catch up, no? that means actually talking about things." the girl reminded firmly but not unkindly as you nodded, flashing her a smile.

"it is nice, talking." you spat out honestly, the words leaving your mouth faster than you could take them back as surprised flickered across the blondes face but she was quick to mask it.

"sí, gracias por preguntarme." the older girl smiled sincerely, both of you mumbling a thank you to the waitress who collected your empty cups and plate, both of you praising how good they were.

"that cake was not as perfect as your mami's, but still it was good. i missed barcelona!" you sighed quickly diverting topics before an uncomfortable silence could build at all.

"i missed you." alexia spoke without thinking, her cheeks blushing pink as she realised her words and was quick to sit up a little straighter. "it missed you, barcelona, i am sure it missed you." she was fast to correct herself, both of you knowing that was not what she meant but alexia was grateful you chose to move on to save her any further embarassment.

and without her little slip up, the next question may not have tumbled out of your mouth quite so loosely.

"would you like to come over for dinner? to meet posie properly." you asked quickly, hesitating for a moment if you should retract the invitation, doubt swirling angrily through your head as you fiddled nervously with your fingers in your lap, hands well hidden beneath the table.

"i do not know if-" you didn't even let her fiinsh before humiliation and regret washed over you and you interrupted. "lo siento, eso fue una idea terrible." you apologised, stammering a little and alexia jolted as you stood clearly about to leave.

"oye oye! no no no, please sit." alexia stood as well, gesturing for you to sit down as you paused but none the less slowly lowered yourself back into your chair and she did the same.

"if you let me finish, i do not know if i can tonight. but i would like to, really, if you are okay with it?" alexia now hesitated, playing with the hem of her shorts as she awaited your reponse.

"sí, si está seguro." you echoed her question as you both exchanged a somewhat awkward smile. "sí, two friends having dinner." alexia confired with a curt nod.

"si, two friends who almost got married." you blurted out, hand smacking over your mouth once you had and cursing yourself over and over in your head.

"oh dios mío alexia, estoy-" you started, stopping abruptly when much to your surprise a belt of laughter left her mouth instead, the blonde locking eyes with you as your lip twitched and before either of you could help it the air was filled with your amusement.

"too soon?" you finally managed to get out once the pair of you had calmed yourselves, earning a few dirty looks from other cafe goers on the tables around you at both of your boisterous outbursts.

"sí, for some, not for us." alexia assured as you both exchanged a shy smile, looking away from one another and taking a beat. "so maybe uh, friday? for dinner." alexia asked, clearing her throat as you nodded.

"sí, friday."

~

"-pink tía?" posie questioned, balanced on her knees as your arm lay in front of her like a canvas, none of her coloring books peaking her interest today and to save yourself a tantrum you'd just given in and offered your arm up as an alternative.

"mm pink is nice nena." you mumbled tiredly, having only just gotten home from work and hardly sleeping last night since posie had been wriggling and kicking until eventually she seemed to find comfort draped across your head, the hot evening air not helping.

you tried hard not to let it happen, but without meaning to and with the rhythmic humming of your niece paired with the scratchings of the marker against your arm and you must have dozed off.

a sharp knock at the door jolted you back awak, sitting up so fast you almost gave yourself whiplash, wincing at the sharp bolt of pain which shot through your neck as you did.

"mierda!" you cursed when you realised you were alone now, the three year old who had once been curled into your side nowhere to be seen as a few more loud knocks echoed through your apartment.

"posie? dónde estás? mariposa? posie!" you shouted, rushing through the house and sighing in relief when you finally found her in the kitchen, but that relief dissapeared and the air sucked from your lungs as if you'd been kicked in the chest by a horse.

"mariposa baja eso ahora mismo!" you shouted, sprinting over and scooping up your niece who somehow had wound up with a steak knife in hand, one of the drawers pulled out and cutlery scattered all over the floor.

she hadn't thought she was doing anything wrong but your stern reaction had the girls eyes welling up in tears and before you knew it she was full on sobbing as you carefully pried the knife from her hands, setting it down on the counter.

"hey hey hey no bebita do not cry! i am not mad at you promesa promesa. i am not mad at you, i love you posie. you just scared me a little that's all! siento haberte gritado." you cooed softly, stepping over the cuterly spill and bouncing her gently up and down on your hip, feeling her tears create a small wet patch on your shoulder.

a glance back had you wincing, you thought you'd done a good enough job at baby proofing since you made all the changes ana required but clearly you needed to make a further effort if a three year old could get a knife in her possession so easily.

the guilt of it all washed over you like a shower would, your eyes squeezed shut for a moment to stop the tears which threatened to leak out, inhaling sharply and composing yourself.

how could you be expected to calm a wailing three year old if you couldn't even keep it together?

but right as posie's sobs started to melt down into wet sniffles, there came the knocking again and off she went, causing you to wince and your blood to run hot as you continued to mumble gently to her, rubbing your hand up and down her back.

right as you touched the door handle the knocking sounded again but thankfully this time posie just continued to sniffle and you cringed at how much snot and tears were crusting on the collar of your shirt.

as you yanked the door open and began to speak someone beat you to it with a click of their tongue. "so you are alive? you can tell your ex that you are back but not even call me after i-" mapi's words fell short as she took you in, disheveled, half asleep and with a sniffling toddler on your hip.

"not a good time maría." you replied curtly as the shock was still engrained in her features you weren't even sure if she'd heard what you said, too fixated on posie who was hiding herself in your neck as you protectively shifted so she was as out of sight as possible.

you were overwhelmed, overstimulated and quite frankly as much as you held no ill will toward the spaniard hers was one of the last faces you wanted to see right now.

"but-but who is-where did-" mapi began to stammer, eyebrows furrowed together with confusion as you sighed, utterly exhausted despite the fact it was barely past midday.

"lo siento, i will call you." you softened your tone slightly but before the tattooed defender could utter another syllable you were closing the door again, back thumping against it as you exhaled slowly and shakily.

"ven aquí nena, let us get cleaned up eh?"

~

once you'd gotten posie cleaned up, calmed down and settled in front of one of her cartoons you could breathe again, smiling at the way her eyes drooped despite the fight she'd put up that she wasn't tired.

you let out a chuckle and swooped in to grab the little container of cut up peaches out of her hand as you watched her eyes close and her grip loosen, setting it on the coffee table and smoothing her hair out, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead and tucking her bear under her arm.

you'd sat her on the counter and as calmly as possible explained knife safety best you could to a three year old, who adorably had explained she was trying to make you a snack after your nap, just like you did for her.

once again you had to stop yourself from crying knowing that wasn't what your niece needed, instead wrapping her in a tight hug and murmuring how much you loved her, unable to tell the tiny human just how much you needed her as well.

with posie down for her afternoon nap and still under your now hawk eyed supervision it allowed you to flutter about tidying, determined to make a better impression on your ex girlfriend than when she'd last visited your home.

you cursed under your breath as you finished and checked the time, two and a half hours somehow flying past as you needed to get posie up as well as start dinner so it was mostly done by the time alexia was set to arrive.

only you knew the girl well enough that for alexia early was on time, on time was late and late was unforgivable.

so you weren't caught off guard at a knock at the door sounding twenty minutes early, already having seen her car park ten minutes prior and checking in amusement every few minutes to see if she'd left it yet.

a quick check in on posie and you found her on the floor of her room playing with a few of her stuffed animals, another check confirming there wasn't anything she could swallow, choke on or hurt herself with before you ducked out and headed for the door.

"hola." you greeted the girl with a smile, not missing the obvious nervous tension in her shoulders as she repeated the greeting and you stepped aside to let her in.

"it is uh, cleaner, than last time." you chuckled a little awkwardly, closing the door after her as she looked around. "don't do that, people live here, of course it will looked lived in." alexia assured with a nod as you squeezed her arm appreciatively, stepping past her as she slipped off her shoes.

"oh! for you." she seemed to remember her hands weren't empty, holding up a bottle of wine, the label sparking memories that hadn't hurtled to the surface in years, a laugh of surprise leaving your lips.

"i know it is cheap but-" "but it is my favorite. i have not seen it in years!" you grinned happily, alexia seeming a little relaxed now as her lips curled upward, clearly content with your reaction.

"tía?"

and just like that any and all sense of calm alexia once felt was sucked away in an instant, the tiny brunette peeking out of the bedroom looking her up and down as you moved to stand beside her.

"remember i said one of my friends was coming over for dinner posie? well, this is alexia." you squatted down, nodding encouragingly to your niece who curled herself into your side.

"oye who is this shy chica? where is my posie mm? mi pequeño parlanchín." you teased, poking your fingers into her side as she giggled and alexia suddenly felt her knees go weak at the sight, clearing her throat lightly trying to pull herself out of it.

"tía i'm here!" your niece squealed, wriggling out of your hold as you grinned and poked her a few more times until she looked up at alexia again and shuffled closer to you.

alexia suddenly realizing she was a lot taller than a three year old immediately squatted down to seem a little less intimidating as you flashed her a soft smile, whispering something to your niece who nodded.

you stood again and offered her your hand, her tiny fingers wrapping around yours as you lead her over to where alexia was. "me llamo mariposa." the small girl spoke shyly before ducking to hide behind your leg as alexia glanced up at you and you nodded encouragingly.

"encantada de conocerte mariposa, me llamo alexia." the footballer introduced herself softly, holding out a hand as you had to stifle your laughter at the sheer size difference between hers and your nieces as posie slowly shook her hand.

"did you know the name mariposa means butterfly?" alexia smiled as posie seemed to perk up a little more, stepping out properly from behind you.

"sí! i have butterfly wings, from abuela." posie nodded eagerly as alexia gasped. "muy chulo." the blonde smiled as posie seemed to regain her confidence. "i show you after dinner?" posie offered as alexia instantly agreed and your smile grew even wider watching their interactions.

your niece letting go of your hand stepped forward now with a slight frown, alexia tensing up again as a tiny finger traced her cheeks. "mami and papi's video." the three year old spoke as you now frowned, squatting down and gently pulling her hand away from where her fingers continued to prod softly at alexia's face.

"bebita we already watched mami and papi's video this morning before you went to abuelas, remember?" you started gently, knowing the topic was an incredibly touchy one as the small girl shook her head.

"see you, in mami and papi's video!" posie pointed to alexia and looked to you expectantly, but before you could say a word she was taking off, racing away as tiny footsteps thumped through the house.

you took off after her and alexia was quick to follow, finding her in the living room with the remote in hand which she shoved at you, babbling away to press play on the video and ignoring anything you said in response.

alexia stumbled a little as posie tugged on the hem of her shorts, clearly trying to drag the much taller girl toward the couch as she sat down, posie climbing herself up to join her as with a sigh you gave in and clicked play.

you took a seat on posie's other side and for the first few minutes the three of you sat in a somewhat uncomfortable silence, though right as you were ready to attempt to put your foot down and turn it back off, it happened.

"mira! mira, mira, mira! alexia!" your niece stood to her feet, clinging onto alexia's shirt to steady herself as she pointed to the tv and sure enough, there she was, and a tidal wave of emotions overcame you and suddenly it was as if you could still remember the very day.

"estás muy guapa." the brunette hummed in your ear as you returned from the dance floor, settling yourself down on her lap as her arms tightly encircled your waist.

"muy muy muy preciosa, mi preciosa novia." your girlfriend showered you with compliments as you leaned back into her, your head craning backwards to rest on her shoulder.

"deberías ver a mi novia." you smiled teasingly, the older girl leaning down to press her lips sweetly against yours. "mmm, i hope she can fight?" the footballer whispered mid kiss as you laughed, hands finding her cheeks and deepening it slightly.

you were both pulled from your little love bubble at the sound of wolf whistles, your very drunk sister waving at you from the dancefloor as her newly elected husband caught her before she fell, sending you a knowing wink as he whisked her away.

"do you want to get some air?" you asked, pushing back up off of alexia who nodded, joining you as you stood, her fingers interlocking with yours as the pair of you made small talk with a few people on your way out.

you exhaled into the crisp night air, closing your eyes and soaking in the fact the pair of you were finally alone, ears ringing from the sheer contrast of how quiet it was out here compared to how loud the music was thumping inside.

"this could be us one day cari." you were consumed by the scent of your girlfriends perfume, turning at the sound of her voice and moving to wrap your arms around her torso.

"too drunk to walk?" you teased with a grin, your sister having been far from sober out of nerves nearly all day, quite the anxious bride from the moment she'd been proposed to.

"tal vez, we could be married mi amor." alexia was too tipsy to notice the way your body tensed up in her arms, playing it off with a laugh and hoping she would change topics.

"is that something you want?" no such luck.

"i have had too much tequila mi amor, i think i want to go back to our room soon." you looked up with a smile, reaching up to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear and not missing the odd look which flashed across the older girls face.

but before she could say another word the two of you were once again pulled from your little bubble at the sound of loud retching, letting go of one another and spinning around.

"oh dios mío....is that my mami?" you groaned in realization at the woman hunched over, throwing her guts up into the flower beds. "who is holding her hair?" you questioned with a frown, squinting to try and work it out but your girlfriend clocked it first.

"dios mío i think that is my mami!"

"tía? tía?" you crashed back down to the ground as a hand touched your cheek, blinking a few times and meeting your nieces little gaze which looked up at you.

"mira! alexia." she tugged on the sleeve of your shirt, pointing to the tv where again there was another clip of a much younger alexia spinning you around on the dancefloor, a quick glance to your right showing the girl in question watching the tv avidly with an unreadable look on her face.

thankfully it seemed someone somewhere had your best intentions in mind as the oven pinged signalling the timer was done and you breathed a sigh of relief you hadn't realized you'd been holding in.

"vamos! time to eat."

you stood with a soft tender smile on your face as you packed up the leftovers from dinner, posie twirling around the living room after she'd made you and alexia push the couch and coffee table out of the way.

she had her little butterfly wings on and you had to stop yourself from laughing aloud at alexia's own wings, which were two little blobs of purple and orange vaguely resembling tacos which posie had drawn and insisted be taped to alexia's back.

you'd tried to talk her out of it but much of your sister was in her daughter, especially natalia’s often hard headed stubborn tendencies as of course alexia assured it was fine and you'd given in, somewhat relieved you’d manage to avoid any sort of meltdown or tantrum.

it seemed posie was trying to teach her a dance of some sort and you had to hide a snicker into your hand as the footballer awkwardly tried to copy her movements, rigid and stiff and you'd always teased her that she danced with two left feet.

placing the last container in the fridge you had to interrupt, a glance at your phone showing it was nearing posie's bedtime and she still hadn't even had a bath yet.

"vale! beautiful dancing chicas, but i think it is time for a certain little butterfly to have her bath." you smiled as alexia exhaled in relief, dropping her arms from the position posie had insisted they be in, rolling her shoulders with a slight wince as you bit your lip to hide your smile.

"five more." you felt a small body hurtle into your leg nearly knocking you down as you chuckled and brushed her flyaways away from her forehead which was prickled with sweat from her dancing.

"no nena, bath and bed, or else you will be a grumpy butterfly tomorrow." you honked her nose gently as the three year old huffed, scowling and making a point to stomp her tiny feet all the way to her bedroom.

alexia jumped hearing the door slam and you chuckled with a shake of her head. "who says it is only teenagers who have attitude? mentirosa." you tutted as alexia's face softened, a snicker sounding from you as she tried to awkwardly crane her arms to pull off the paper wings.

"aquí, date la vuelta." you nodded for her to turn around as you carefully peeled off the paper, brushing a few loose pieces of fluff off of alexia's t-shirt and tapping her shoulders gently to signal you were done.

"tía! stuck again!" you heard posie holler out from her room, alexia now the one to chuckle as you explained your niece had a habit of somehow winding up tangled in her clothes when left to pull them off of her body herself.

"i should go..." you trailed off and nodded behind you with a small smile. "i should go too." alexia was swift to reply as you swallowed your disappointment at her words.

"or i stay? help with the uh dishes and to move things back?" she quickly offered, rubbing the back of her neck with a signature awkward smile. "oh no you do not need to help with those!" you assured as posie yelled out for you again.

"but if you want to stay, i will not be long?" "bien, but i am doing the dishes." "do i have a choice?" you began to walk backwards with a smile as alexia grinned and shook her head.

"tía ayuda! stuck!"

[multipleoccupancy]

It was hard coming to terms with phobias and disorders but at least she could recognise that heights effected her. He let himself believe that meant she would be careful if she ended up somewhere high or even better perhaps not go somewhere high at all. "It's nothing to be ashamed of," he said quietly, trying to offer her some reassurance but he was unsure what exactly her misery was coming from.

He offered a smile that she thought those he recruited were lucky, in some sense he agreed with her but he thought on the Millers and how it was Cass had not wanted Mina to be recruited, just as much as he did not want Violet to be recruited either. He hoped that by the time Violet turned eighteen or much more preferable to him, twenty-one, Delta Green would accept a 'no' as an answer. He had time to work on that at least. He chuckled a little at her comment on his lecturing, he did far more than that but he didn't tell her as such, wondering if he was just as bad or worse in what he was sometimes sent to do. "They clearly saw my potential." He managed in the way of a joke, at last.

Noticing that his eyebrow move had no effect anymore he thought he would have to up his game in future, but he didn't blame her for reading the file if it was open, it was tempting and something he tended to do anyway. Hence why he was usually so careful with his files he had at home. "Something like that," he said of the club, troubled by their existence but assured that their prominence was not taking hold of the city.

Her apology around her reaction to the letter earned her a little nod of understanding in return. "I guess we both couldn't see how it was impacting the other person, huh?" He offered kindly but was also relieved to have that weight lifted too, it had been lingering on his mind since it happened and knowing she now understood was much more comforting than trying to convince himself she had moved on. "I promise not to do it again, but I hope with what you've learned from me and from what you have seen, you will be much more wary of what it is anyone other than myself or Samantha have to say about Delta Green." He was of course still thrilled she revealed she no longer wanted to be an agent, he really would have to tell Samantha later!

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 & 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 @multipleoccupancy

Violet nodded a little miserably. "Yes, I do." It made sense, that she would be afraid of heights, after what happened to her. That she would avoid elevators with windows, and ladders, and things that she didn't even use to worry about. She just didn't like to think about it. She didn't like admitting to herself that it had left an invisible scar behind.

"The ones you recruit are lucky," she said with a smile. She meant it, too. Violet was sure her dad was a great agent to send to recruit others. He was probably very nice and patient about it, and would never threaten people into joining Delta Green. "But... it's a little bit funny, that even at work, your job is to lecture people." She had to contain a giggle, pressing her hand against her lips. Oh, she wasn't too surprised that her dad was a professional when it came to lectures. She'd heard enough of them to know he was very good at them.

She wasn't surprised either that he wasn't answering all her questions. Violet hadn't expected him to. It was already bewildering that he had let her ask everything she wanted to ask. But she was surprised that he was telling her about the Apocalypse club. Her eyes widened a little bit. Violet was clearly unaffected by his fatherly eyebrow -she knew it far too well. She had expected him to avoid the subject altogether, and scold her for even looking. "So like the mafia... but a cultist mafia?" That would explain that strange name.

"I understand why you did it," she replied softly, "and why it was hard for you to explain to me why you shredded the letter. I'm sorry I made such a fuss about it. You were just trying to keep me safe."

[elysiuminfra]

i want to talk about walmart for a second. if you haven’t worked or known someone who worked for walmart, you probably don’t know how bad it is. most people don’t, so i want to talk about it.

there’s a points system for absences. if you miss work, and can’t cover it with accrued time off (because you don’t just Get time off - it builds up over time. it takes about a month of straight work to get a day off.) you get a point. five points and you’re at risk of termination. all managers - team leads, and above them, coaches - have the power to excuse points so that you don’t get fired. some do, so you don’t lose your job. most don’t. five days, that’s it.

if you miss more than three shifts of work due to a medical issue, you have to go through a third party company (which isn’t really third party.) to get a medical exception so you don’t lose your job. it is hard to get this. they need a lot of documentation to prove that you somehow deserved to miss work. they don’t accept regular doctors notes. this is somehow nebulously legal. you are also forced to work while sick and infectious. flu, strep, covid, doesnt matter for all departments except produce and deli. even then, they only send you home if you throw up *at work* or have food-related illnesses. every other department you’re not allowed to go home. more than likely you are being exposed to someone who’s sick at walmart, because its either come in sick or get fired.

i work hard. everyone *has* to work hard. you are on your feet 8 hours a day. you can’t sit. there are no surfaces to sit on. some departments are harder than others. i worked in OPD, the online grocery fulfillment department. i would walk, bare minimum, 7 to 8 miles a day, hauling sometimes over 200 pounds of groceries. every day. now i work in the deli. you are constantly moving. this is very typical for the deli - you are given too many tasks to perform in one day. most days i can barely get enough done. i know people don’t take their legally entitled second breaks. I know people who have to work off the clock just to get everything done. my department - as is *most other departments* - is understaffed. i cook, clean, work the slicer, and dispense food at the same time. and trust me when i tell you the standards of cleanliness in my department is high, but in practice it is very, very poor. simply because there is usually only one of us working back there, and we just can’t do everything right all at once.

none of the “fresh” food in the bakery / produce area is fresh. the bread is baked in store, but the dough is made and frozen elsewhere. sometimes it’s been frozen for weeks. everything is shockingly artificial. same with produce. you’re better off buying your produce elsewhere, or even locally. walmart has been fraught with recall after recall.

people are cheated out of retirements. so many people I know that are at retirement age simply can’t. there are people working here in their 70s. they are being overworked. there are a lot of teenagers that work up front. they are being overworked. I know two kids who are disabled that work the register. they aren’t allowed to sit. one had to fight to be able to get a medical accommodation and only got one when he threatened to sue, because not taking a doctor’s note for an accommodation is illegal. they do it anyways. there are so many people i know personally that are disabled, have chronic pain, have mobility issues, and can’t sit. or walk miles and miles a day. one of my coworkers recently quit because she tore both rotator cuffs in her shoulders from this job. this job disables you. it kills you. (just look up how many people have died on the job due to negligence. it is not a small amount.)

even the prices are fake. sales are fake. rollback is fake. i notice how things are priced and they rarely change, even when they say they’re on sale. it’s a scam. you are being scammed.

we are overworked and underpaid for our labor. (speaking of, wages used to be higher by several dollars a couple years ago. they lowered them. my department paid 20 an hour. it only pays 16 now. almost all other departments are at a flat 14. it used to be 16.)

wage theft, lack of breaks, overtime violations, lack of sick leave, chronic understaffing and chronic abuse from management, not terminating employees that sexually harass coworkers, and piles and piles and piles of responsibilities. all of this is to say, walmart only operates because of how much they exploit their workers, and it’s in the top of the Fortune 500 list. it is impossibly dire. and it is in EVERY SINGLE store, because that is just how the work culture operates.

all salaried management is also given guides on union busting. unionization is impossible. there was one store that they completely shut down because of successful unionization efforts, laying off hundreds of people, and blamed it on “faulty plumbing.”

one last thing - if you are assaulted by a customer, you cannot defend yourself. nobody can help you, because none of us are allowed to put our hands in any capacity on a customer. if you are assaulted, you have no choice but to run and hide. I’ve heard of a worker at my store that was assaulted repeatedly over several days from people who would come in and beat her. they weren’t banned, and she was fired for fighting back. if you fight back, you’re fired immediately, no exceptions.

all of this is to say shop elsewhere. buy locally. buy at other stores. you will get better quality items and produce literally ANYWHERE else. if you can’t, be kind to Walmart workers. theres abuse at every step of the chain. even on the supply side. walmart is a corporate dystopian monster that only makes its money off of intense labor violations.

tl;dr don’t shop at walmart. it’s not worth it

[xx-reverie-xx]

Hihi!! I just read your Sevika HCs and I absolutely love them!! I wanted to know if you could (please) write HCs for Sevika and Vi after an argument with their partner? :) Whether it’s an argument the reader started or they started can be completely up to you! Or you could even do both scenarios if you prefer! 💕

Thank you and I hope you have a nice day/evening 💖

🖤Sevika and Vi after an Argument🖤

men dni men dni men dni men dni men dni men dni men dni

🤎Sevika🤎

I don’t think arguments would be common in a relationship with Sevika.

When she locks into a serious relationship, she means serious. She covers all the important bases for a healthy relationship; communication, loyalty, respect, trust, and so much more.

Covering these bases, especially communication, helps to avoid frequent arguments.

It won’t completely cut out the occasional argument though.

When you two do argue, it’s almost always about bigger things. For example, her working so much and not taking much time for herself, or maybe her drinking and smoking.

Post-argument time usually has as “how can we avoid this in the future” moment where you guys have a heart to heart about whatever started the argument.

If you start an argument:

Be prepared to apologize first. And only apologize if you’re really sorry.

You should always finish what you start, after all.

Your apology may be met with an affectionate an eye roll and a huff.

She never stays mad at you for long.

Once you apologize she usually makes space for you wherever she’s sitting and wraps her arm around just to let you know it’s really okay.

If you’re just apologizing because you feel like you need to, don’t. She can see right through you if you’re bullshitting her.

If you’re stubborn like her, sometimes apologizing can genuinely be difficult. She gets that. Which is why her patience with you is a blessing.

Again, when you’re ready to apologize , she’s affectionate and accepts it.

If she starts an argument:

This woman is stubborn. For her to apologize, it just doesn’t feel right.

She’s only ever been truly sorry a few times in her life. In the Undercity, living a life like hers, she never had time to be sorry.

Being sorry gets you hurt. It gets you killed.

But…

It’s obviously different when it’s you. You aren’t a big bad wolf waiting around the corner. You’re her partner, her ride-or-die.

In the heat of the moment, what she said felt right. It felt like something you needed to hear.

The thought of you feeling hurt by something she said just eats her alive.

She comes to you first.

It isn’t anything crazy, usually just a simple, gruff “I’m sorry.”

She’s awkward and stiff about it, but completely genuine.

Asks what she can do to make it up to you, if anything.

❤️Vi❤️

Violet runs hot. She isn’t a loose cannon but someday’s it can be hard trying to keep all of her emotions under wraps.

This has definitely lead to arguments over petty things like dishes in the sink or eating the last of her favorite snack.

It’s also lead to arguments about very serious things. Her pit fighting, drinking, and her occasional impulsivity.

Arguments always hit her hard, even the petty ones. No matter how old she gets, arguments always make her feel like a little kid, just waiting for the ball to drop. The ball being losing you.

That feeling of dread, like this argument could be the last, if that makes sense.

Physical touch is usually present in the make up process after an argument. It helps ground her.

The good news is, the two of you always make up very quickly.

If you start an argument:

If the argument is a petty spat about dishes or snacks, she still apologizes first, albeit rather begrudgingly.

This links back to her feeling like this argument could be the last. What if she never hears “You promised you’d take out the trash this week” ever again?

You, however, shut that down. “It’s my fault, I should be the one apologizing.” You tell her.

These arguments are extremely easy to come back from because you two are always on the same level. Two halves to make a whole, equals

There isn’t a point in staying hung up on petty nonsense for long.

If you start a big argument, you apologize first.

She distances herself and you have to go to her.

You’ll usually find her someplace where she shouldn’t be, like a bar. Or, you might find her someplace safe, like with Loris or another friend she feels comfortable around.

Not only should you apologize, but it would also be a good chance to thoroughly explain why you’re upset or might think something is a bad idea.

Once you do that, she’ll open her arms up to you and usually things can be resolved somewhat easily after that.

If she starts an argument:

Again, she apologizes first.

If she starts an argument, big or small, the dread of possibly losing you over this hits her like bricks.

For smaller arguments, she approaches you casually. If you let her, she’ll wrap her arms around you. An apology hug, if you will.

Says, “I’m sorry, baby,” in the softest voice she can muster.

These smaller arguments are always easier to come back from just because she’s so sweet. How can you ever stay upset when she’s such a sweetie?

Big arguments are something else though.

After she’s said whatever it is that she’s said, the weight of it all is suffocating.

If she said something really stupid and hurtful in the heat of the moment, she might need some space for a bit. Things like that take her back to that day.

But she’ll come to you when she’s ready.

May or may not have a little gift for you for extra measure. Usually it’s something simple like your favorite candy bar.

She tells you she’s sorry and explains why she got so worked up. Usually this leads to a steady and warm embrace and you let her know it’s okay.

hello!!! thank you for the request ♥️ please let me know if you enjoyed it or not. i had so much fun writing these. i kind of got carried away with vi’s headcanons 🙈. . i was purposefully vague about what started the argument so you can sort of imagine your own scenario for why the argument started!🎠

ask box is open for multiple fandoms and nearly every arcane character! check my pinned for rules, fandoms, and characters.

[kpop---scenarios]

Walk All Over Me

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x Reader

Warning: Smut ( Oral, f. receiving & m. receiving, unprotected sex, cream pie.) Angst, Mean reader [18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.]

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: You and Mingyu are friends with benefits, he wants more but you don't. And even though you're using him, he can't help but fall more in love.

This story was based off this song; Stay For a While by Victor Ray.

“You wanna dance with me?” You whisper into Mingyu's ear, your hand slowly caressing his arm as you stand so close to him. He feels like he's going to faint having you be so close to him. He was so fucking in love with you, he thought he might be going crazy from how badly he wanted just kiss you right then and there. But you had been very clear with him from the beginning that you guys were strictly a secret occasional hook up, nothing more and nothing less.

He accepted it at the time because he figured having you in this way was so much better than not having you at all but as time went on, his feelings were becoming harder and harder to contain. Mingyu smiles slightly at you, shaking his head no. He didn't want to put you in a position where the two of you might be found out by the others, even though that was all he wanted.

“I love this song!” You squeal, moving away from Mingyu, instead grabbing Seungcheol's hand, dragging him to the dance floor as Mingyu stays behind watching as you grind yourself against his leader.

This is what he gets, for being so fucking in love with someone who wasn't ready to settle down.

“So, uh, are you and Y/N together? What's going on between the two of you?” The8 asks, standing next to Mingyu who leaned against the bar, watching you still dance with Seungcheol. Mingyu glances down at the floor before smiling over at The8 and taking a sip of his drink. He was the only one Mingyu had told about you and how you and he had taken things to the next level. He was happy for the two of you at first, but now it seemed to him as if Mingyu was more into you than you were him. He knew The8 worried about it but Mingyu was confident… sort of.

“It's… it's complicated.” He laughs. “We sort of are.”

“I dunno man, from where I'm standing, it doesn't look all that complicated to me. It looks like you're just friends…like the rest of us.” The8 shrugs, walking towards the dance floor. Mingyu watched as you caressed Wonwoo's arm, watching as Seungcheol's hands roamed your body, stopping at your hips, pulling you in closer.

“Mingyu.” Wonwoo says, nudging the spaced out man. “We're heading back to Woozi's, you coming?” He asks. Mingyu sets down his forgotten drink, following behind the group, his eyes never leaving you. Not even when you linked arms with Hoshi, or when your hand intertwined with DK's, or when Seungcheol jokingly squeezed your ass.

Fuck.

Sometimes your loud, easy-going and outgoing personality made it really fucking hard for him to watch you be so friendly with his friends. You didn't ask them to stop or not to do those things, you embraced the attention, you loved it and he could see it on your face. Whereas he just wanted to shout how in love with you he was from the rooftop. All night Mingyu watched you with the others. Laughing and drinking. Glancing at him, giving him a sly wink, being flirtatious from afar. The way he just wanted to rip your clothes off in front of everyone and fuck you while they watched was unhealthy, but fuck did he want you so fucking badly. He would do anything for you, be anything for you and you were very much aware of how he felt.

A while later, Mingyu wandered off to the bathroom, trying to contain himself and calm down. It was getting harder for him to see you flirting with others and he didn't know how much more he was going to be able to take. He walks out of the bathroom, his head down until he stops in his tracks, seeing a familiar pair of shoes in front of him. His eyes trail up, seeing you leaning against the wall, drunkenly looking at him.

“I was wondering where you disappeared too.” You smile, moving closer to him. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his head down to your level. “I don't think you know how much i fucking want you.” You whisper in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. You move your hand to his chest, slowly running it down, over his abs, gently into caressing his dick.

“Y/N!” You hear from around the corner. “Come take a shot!”

You laugh, quickly pressing a kiss to Mingyu's lips before running off, laughing at the cheers of your return. Mingyu knew something needed to change between the two of you and if he wanted more he was going to have to be the one to bring it up. He heads back to the group, trying to insert himself in conversations and games, doing his best to try to not pay as much attention to you but it didn't last long. He had the worst fucking time trying to peel his eyes away from you, eventually he just gave up and went to bed in one of the spare bedrooms instead. He fell asleep rather quickly, the alcohol having made his head spin a little too much.

Hours later, he's woken up by a light rapid knocking at the door. He rubs his eyes, slipping out of bed, opening the door as his hand runs through his hair.

“Y/N?” He mumbles.

“I need you so bad, baby.” You moan, looking at him with puppy dog eyes. “Don't you need me too?” You whisper.

“Fuck.” He hisses, pulling you inside the room, slamming the door with your body. He pins you against the door, his lips quickly attaching to yours. His kiss is sloppy, so needy as he slides his tongue into your mouth. You wrap your arms around him, pulling him closer to you. You needed to feel him, all of him. Mingyu wastes no time, pulling away from you. He grabs your wrist, turning you and pushing you down onto the bed. The light from the moon shines into the room, giving the two of you limited lighting but it was just enough. He pushes your dress up, pulling your panties down from your body, throwing them anywhere. He pushes your legs open, diving right into your already wet cunt. You grab the sheets of the bed, moaning loudly as Mingyu licks your pussy, sucking on your clit, making your eyes roll back onto your head.

“Oh… Oh my fucking god.” You cry out, arching your back as you orgasm quickly approaches. “Don't… Fuck… please don't stop.” You whine, grabbing his hair, pulling him in closer. You grind yourself on his face, your orgasm exploding through your body. You scream out as you cum, your juices seeping from your pussy. Mingyu happily laps up everything, before sitting up, licking up all the juices from his face.

“You're so good at that.” You breathe, sitting up, smiling at the sexy man. You push him down onto the bed, pulling his sweats from his body, letting his already hard cock spring free. You lick your lips as you bend down, licking his cock from base all the way up to his tip. You take just his tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, making him groan. You slowly take more and more of his cock into your mouth, until you can't take anymore. His tip hits the back of your throat, making you gag. Mingyu moans at the sound, grabbing the back of your head and thrusting up a few times before releasing your head, letting you up for air.

“Fuck baby, i love when you take all of my cock.” He groans. He sits up, pushing you down onto the bed on your hands and knees. He moves your dress up once again, exposing your bare ass. He gives you a few hard slaps before he lines himself up with you, pushing his cock inside of you.

“Oh shit.” You groan. You love the way his cock stretches your pussy. “My god.” You cry, as Mingyu pulls out, and slams back inside of you.

“You feel… so fucking good.” He groans, his fingertips digging into your hips as he speeds up his thrusts, ramming his cock inside of you over and over again.

He reaches under you, pulling down the front of your dress, letting your tits fall out of your dress, gently pinching and groping you nipples as he continues to fuck you. You moan loudly, moving your own hand between your legs. Your fingers touch your sensitive clit, making you groan as you rub it while Mingyu fucks you.

“Right there… Oh fuck… yes, fuck.” You cry out, your second orgasm building quickly.

“You take my cock so fucking well… like the dirty little slut you are.” Mingyu moans, fucking you harder and faster. “You wanna fuck everyone else too, don't you?” He groans.

“No baby.” You whimper. “Just you… ah, fuck…”

“Mhmm, that's right… just me.” He breathes, throwing his head back as he quickened his pace again, desperately chasing his own high.

“Cum for me… cum all over my cock, baby.” Mingyu moans, holding you tighter. You rub your clit a little faster, bringing you over the edge again. You cum hard, clenching your cunt around his cock.

“Good fucking girl.” He spits, grabbing your hair, yanking your head back. “That's right.” keeps his pace, his orgasm right there. He keeps going until he finally cums, spilling himself inside of you. He groans loudly as he slowly pumps in and out, making sure to give you everything he has.

He finally pulls out and you both collapse onto the bed. Your chests are heaving, you can't hear anything else but the two of you breathing, except for faint voices of those still awake in the living room.

Mingyu's stomach is in knots as he thinks about bringing up wanting more from you. He knows now probably isn't the best time but it was now or never in his mind. He turns his head to look at you, watching you lay there with your eyes closed, trying to settle down.

Mingyu quickly stands up, putting his clothes back on before he turns on the light. You squeeze your eyes closed harder, not wanting to be blinded yet.

“Y/N…” He breathes, looking down at you. You finally open your eyes, looking towards him smiling.

“Mingyu.” You giggle.

“I want…Fuck.” He breathes. You can see the nervousness plastered on his face. “I want… No, I need more. From you. From this. I want… Well, I want to be your boyfriend.” He breathes. “I'm so in love with you…” He trails off.

“Oh.” You sigh. Mingyu can see the rejection coming plastered all over your face. “You know I'm not looking for anything more than just this. We were just having fun.” You murmur, sitting up in the bed, standing up to find your underwear.

“I want to take you on a date. Just one date. Let me prove I'm the man you should be with.” He sighs. “Tomorrow night.”

“Mingyu… i -.” You pause. “I can't tomorrow. Um, The8 actually asked me on a date earlier tonight. And I said yes.” You whisper.

You didn't realize the depth of his feelings for you. While you liked Mingyu and you liked when the two of you fucked around, you weren't looking for anything else… With him.

“So you wont go on a date with me because you don't want anything serious but you'll go with The8?”

“Yes.” You whisper.

“Why?” He yells, standing up, facing you. “Why the fuck am I not good enough for you?” He yells.

“Woah, where the fuck is this coming from?” You yell back, stepping away from him. “You knew exactly what the fuck you were getting into when we started this.”

“Yeah I did and now I need more from you!” He yells.

“I… I can't give you more, Mingyu.” You whisper.

“Why not?” He asks. “Why can't I have more? Why can't I be your boyfriend? Why can't you just give me a chance? Please Y/N, just one fucking chance!” He says.

He's about to talk again but you cut him off, you're over this conversation already.

“Because you'd make a shitty fucking boyfriend, Mingyu. Your pretty face and amazing dick game can only get you so fucking far in life. And this begging me is a complete turn off. Your person is out there but it sure as fuck isn't me.” You snap, grabbing your panties and storming out of the room, leaving Mingyu standing there feeling even more in love with you than he was before.

[jackiezenauthor]

Someone mentioned a furry becoming a werewolf and it got me chuckling. Of course, I made it worse.

Cw:

furry shenanigans.

No 'action'

single take

"Feel them! They're so fluffy I could die!" the giant wolf squealed like a teenage girl... which she used to be, right before Matilda's summon got lured away from its intended target and decided to sink its demonic fangs into the wrong person.

She looked past the giant furred jugs that were meant to be breasts, trying to figure out what the beast meant. Always hard to tell with animal heads, but this one looked rather... Pleased?

"And I have toe beans too!" the werewolf squealed again, staring at her own paws. "And look at this cake!" she turned around and showed her butt, her tail swinging past Matilda's nose.

The witch stepped backwards, doing her best impression of that smell didn't just insta-kill half of my olfactory cells, and thank Lilith for that. Sometimes people took some time to tease her before finally complaining, and this time she couldn't rush into it either. That wretched demon had messed up, but it was she who summoned it to begin with. For something this irreversible too...

"Nobody believes me, though." the werewolf whined and dropped on the floor, taking a number of books and ingredient jars down with her tail. "For some reason, whenever I open the camera to show them, it cuts off. No matter what I do. And I can't take any pictures either."

Was that crying? Her ears were flat along the line of her head.

Cursing people into lycanthropy was not Matilda's favorite spell, but she'd done it a few times before. This was the first time one had adapted to their new body in a matter of... She checked the clock... Three hours. Usually it took about a week until they even figured out how to stand up on just their hind legs. This one even folowed her summon's smell all the way back to her...

"I am so sorry that you got mixed up into this." Matilda spoke slowly, as peacefully as she could. "You really didn't deserve it."

The beast's eyes widened and a wailing howl broke from her throat.

"You mean, you're going to take it away?" she sobbed.

"Take it awa...? You mean, remove your curse?" Matilda scratched her head. "I... I really can't." she admitted. "BUT! I can make you some potions that will help you keep it in control! Most of the days..." she rushed to the back of her shop, the brew that she'd been working on almost ready. "If you can wait until the moon starts waning."

"You can't?" the werewolf sounded... cheerful?

Yes. The tap on the floor behind her was definitely her tail wagging.

"You don't want the curse removed?" Matilda asked slowly, one hand in her pocket, ready to unravel the silver thread she kept for self defense, just in case the beast exploded on her. It wouldn't have been the first time.

"God, no!" she answered, her tail-wag making a worrisome number of ingredient jars jump on their shelf. "I love being a wolf!" she revealed a worrisome amount of white, sharp fangs, in what could be suspected for being a smile.

Matilda went back to stir her brew one more time, counter-clockwise, then three times clockwise. She reviewed the entire conversation in her mind. No. There had been no real shade of sarcasm, if she accepted the idea that this girl was not, in fact, trying to complain or take revenge... But then...

"Why are you here?" Matilda returned to the main room.

The werewolf got up carefully, holding her tail with one hand and stretching a tote bag to the witch with the other.

"Can you do some kind of spell or curse, so that I can record and take pictures of myself?" she said.

"You want to be on camera?" Matilda looked inside the bag: a phone, a laptop and a webcam...

"Yes, please!" the werewolf flashed her another view of all her fangs.

"I can enchant you a collar..." the witch returned the tote bag. It felt like a very strange fever dream.

The beast squealed and clapped her paws, her tail wrecking havoc through the ingredient jars behind her. She startled and grabbed her tail again, her ears flopping up and down in what could only be... bashfulness?

"I'm so sorry for your jars!" she said. "I'll pay for what can be bought and help gather the others, anytime, just teach me how!"

Matilda nodded, watching the beast cradle her twitching tail to her chest. She really was happy with this situation...

After so many centuries in the craft, she really didn't think anything could surprise her any longer. How wrong she'd been...

"Can it be the pink one?" the werewolf perked up when the witch opened her leather binds cabinet. "And do you need those cuffs anytime soon?" her tail swiped yet another row of jars.

Yeah... There were still mysteries left in the world...

A witch found out to her horror that she had somehow cursed the wrong person. Expecting retribution when the victim came knocking at her doorstep, she was surprised to find them rather pleased with the curse's effects.

[meazalykov]

watch my heart break

danielle van de donk x exarsenal!reader

summary: all good things must come to an end

warnings: angst

the fluorescent lights in the locker room flicker softly, casting a pale glow over the space that begins to feel more like a confinement than a sanctuary. 

you sit on the edge of a wooden bench, the cold surface pressing against you. the familiar scent of sweat and worn leather fills the air, mixed with the faint aroma of the laundry detergent used for your jerseys. 

yet, those odors that once brought you comfort now feel oppressive and heavy, much like the anguish building inside.

you stare at a small bottle of water resting in front of you, unable to bring yourself to drink from it. your heart feels like it’s encased in ice, a chasm of emotions swirling around your thoughts. your mind keeps flashing back to the whirlwind of emotions you shared with danielle—the laughter that echoed through the corridors of arsenal, the late-night conversations that stretched into dawn, the passion both on the field and behind closed doors. 

danielle was supposed to be your forever.

the news that ingrid gave you earlier in training sent you into a panic. at first, you thought you covered it up well. however, as you were doing drills, everything from the past hit you. you told the team that you had to use the restroom inside, but you just sat down and thought about everything.

the memories hits you with piercing clarity—the moment everything changed. you can see it as if it were happening again, the night in your shared apartment filled with the laughter and warmth that usually suffused your lives but now felt hauntingly distant.

“y/n, we need to talk,” danielle had said, her voice unusually serious, the shadows dancing across her face as the sunlight faded outside.

you immediately felt dread coil in your stomach. 

“what’s wrong…?” 

danielle doesn’t speak right away. 

“you’re scaring me,” you say, your heart racing as you brace for bad news.

“i got an offer from lyon,” danielle began, her words trembling in the air. 

“and… they want me to join.i’m going to take it.”

“thats amazing dani!!” 

“yeah but you’re going to wolfsburg, i’m not sure if this is going to work..” 

your heart sank. “what do you mean? what about us? we can make it work, danielle. wolfsburg and lyon is not that far; it’s just a three-hour flight.”

“y/n, it’s not just about the distance,” she explained. 

“long distance is hard emotionally. i don’t think i can do it. i’m sorry, but… i think we should break up.”

the words felt like a knife twisting into your heart. 

“what? you can’t just throw everything away because of a three hour distance! you’re the love of my life, danielle.”

“sometimes love isn’t enough,” she said softly, her eyes filled with unshed tears. 

“i can’t do this if we’re not at the same club. i don’t want to hurt either of us more.”

you stared at her, bewildered, trying to comprehend the sudden finality in her voice, the way she avoided your gaze as if afraid of what lay within. 

some of your national teammates can handle long distance relationships in different continents!! what does danielle mean she can't handle the distance between lyon and wolfsburg!

“i thought we were going to build a life together. dani i-i-i thought you were the one!”

“i thought so too,” she said, her eyes glistening. 

“but i have to think of my career. i can’t do long distance. i need to focus.”

“focus?” you echoed, disbelief washing over you. 

“how is it easier to date someone else at a different club than to fight for us?”

the room felt heavy with unsaid words as you both fell silent, each wrapped in your own swirling storm of thoughts. you wanted to scream, to shake some sense into her, to plead for clarity, for truth but all you could do was nod numbly, accepting what felt like a devastating betrayal while desperately holding on to the last threads of your love.

“if this is what you really want…” you finally whispered, tears blurring your vision, 

“i guess there’s nothing i can do… it hurts, danielle. it really hurts.”

“i’m sorry,” she said.

for a moment, you believed her—believed that the decision was about you, about them, and not the seeds of something new already taking root in her heart.

with that, you walked out of the door of your shared apartment for one last time, the echoes of your laughter still trapped between the walls, your heart crushed under the weight of goodbye.

now, the memory lingers in the air, sharp and painful. your heart twists as you recollect how danielle had never once expressed doubt about your love during that conversation—how could she? 

you blink away tears as you sit in the locker room, trying to gather yourself amidst the chaos of your emotions. 

footsteps echo down the hall, breaking the silence. 

lena enters, her vibrant presence immediately lighting up the somber atmosphere, but as she takes a step closer, her bright smile falters upon seeing your tear-streaked face.

“y/n! everyone is—--oh– uh, everything okay?”

you turn away, a lump forming in your throat. 

“i’m fine.”

lena knows better than to take that at face value. she can see the outline of your face, shimmering with unshed tears.

“you don’t look fine,” she says gently, stepping further into the room.

“do you want to talk about it?”

“not really,” you mutter, attempting to sound dismissive but failing miserably.

lena shifts awkwardly, but before she can respond, she glances toward the door, spotting ewa, ingrid, and pernille walking in. 

“guys! come here!” she calls, urgency lacing her tone. 

as they naturally gather around, you can feel their concern radiating off them, even though you wish to shield yourself from it. 

“what’s wrong?” ingrid asks, her accent unmistakably sweet and soothing.

you shake your head, unable to control the tears that form again. 

“nothing.”

“you’re crying, y/n,” ewa replies, a gentle probing beneath her tough demeanor. 

“talk to us.”

“you can’t fix this, trust me,” you say, bitterness creeping into your tone.

“who says we can’t?” pernille steps closer, an aura of strength emanating from her. 

“we’re here for you, remember?”

you let out a laugh, but it’s hollow. 

“what happened?” lena presses, her brow furrowing.

you take a deep breath, and with it comes a surge of emotions.

“it was danielle… she left for lyon. she didn’t want to do long distance, and i thought we could make it work. but then, just a few weeks later…” your voice trails off as the bite of fresh pain blooms in your chest.

“oh.” ingrid mumbles, remembering what she told you.

“what? what happened?” ewa asks, eyebrows knitting together in concern as she looks between you and ingrid.

“she started dating someone else. ellie, ellie carpenter from australia” you whisper, the name spilling from your lips like venom. 

“just a few months after our breakup. we were together for years!! was that why she was so adamant about ending things?”

silence fills the air, a heavy blanket that suffocates your spirit. you can see the realization flicker in your friends' eyes.

“what a coward,” ingrid murmurs, fury substituting soft sympathy. 

“she should have just talked to you.” pernille says. 

you feel that fury stir within you, heart pounding with a mix of anger and sorrow. 

“right? like it wouldn’t have been that hard to face me and tell me that! how could she not care enough to be honest?”

“some people are afraid of confrontation,” lena replies softly. 

“that doesn’t mean they care any less, though.”

you meet lena’s gaze, your eyes brimming once more. 

“but she didn’t fight for us, did she? if you love someone, you fight for them. i would’ve done everything in my power to make it work. we had plans… i thought she was the one.”

“this was all her loss,” pernille states firmly, a reassuring hand on your back. 

“you’re amazing, y/n! the way you play, the way you care about others—she doesn’t deserve a second of your thoughts! you need to let go of this weight.”

you can’t shake it off, no matter how much you try. the memories flood your mind, filling the gaps left by danielle’s absence. the laughter echoing through your apartment, the late-night matches played out on your console with hastily made snacks scattered around, the moments when danielle would lean in a little closer, making your heart race. 

“i don’t know how to do that,” you admit, your voice breaking.

“then we’ll help you,” ewa states firmly, a reassuring hand on your back. 

“we’re here, and we won’t let you carry this alone.”

“danielle made her choice,” ingrid adds, crossing her arms. 

“it was her loss. you’re incredible, y/n. don’t let her actions define your worth. you’re more than just someone who loved her. you’re a fantastic player, and you have a whole future ahead of you.”

in the comforting arms of your teammates, you whisper, 

“thank you, guys. i really don’t know what i’d do without you.”

“just remember, we are here for you y/n,” ewa promises, brushing a tear away from your cheek.

taking a deep breath, your heart begins to settle at last. maybe this is the turning point you need. 

“you think we should get back to training before coach asks what happened?” lena asks, pulling back slowly, gauging your reaction.

“yeah,” you say, the glimmer of determination beginning to replace the emptiness in your chest. 

“i promise i won’t let a relationship get in the way of my football again.”

“that’s the spirit!” ingrid cheers, throwing her arm around your shoulder.

masterlist

[owlets-outlet]

my mouthwashing good ending headcanons:

on the tulpar:

1. anya tells swansea and daisuke about the assault pretty much immediatelly after the crash. the crew seals jimmy in his room with insulation foam until they get rescued.

( i was thinking about letting the crew kill j*mmy, however. he doesnt deserve that mercy. so he lives and is jailed forever. )

2. the crew dont know what to do about the baby. anya doesnt want to use pills for diy abortion, mainly because thats what jimbo told her to do and she doesnt want to listen to him.

in a dangerous twist of fate, she miscarries, because of stress and low bodyweight. its not a dramatic miscarriage, the fetus just dies in the uterus. anya suspects she miscarried, but doesnt tell the crew so they dont worry about her.

3. the crew gets rescued just in time- anya was on the verge of dying from the infection that started festering inside her from the miscarriage.

immediately after rescue:

anya and curly are rushed to the hospital. they got treatment on the rescue ship already, but that was only the bare minimum. pony express pays only for the bare minimum treatments.

curly is hooked up to a sci-fi mind reading communication device. its not perfect, but they manage to find out what happened. jimmy is arrested.

swansea:

after losing his job and breaking his dry streak, hes surprisingly okay. using his severance pay and his savings, he opens a small business, becoming a freelance electrician.

he doesnt drink as much as he used to, but he drinks regularly. he still buys himself sneakers on his soberversary though.

daisuke didnt even have to beg him too hard to be accepted as his apprentice, really.

daisuke becomes his other child, basically, he visits daisuke and regularly treats the him and the crew to meals, just like he does with his bio kids.

he also takes daisuke thrifting sometimes, judging his outfits on a scale of 1-10.

daisuke:

hes back to living with his parents.

daisuke really wanted to continue being swanseas apprentice, not just because he liked swansea, but because he really wanted to feel useful somehow.

he doesnt really vibe with most swanseas kids, but hes polite everytime they visit the shop where he helps swansea.

him and anya do gaming nights, often hopping on discord call in the late evening.

he still struggles with impostor syndrome, feeling like he didnt do enough for the crew of the tulpar.

curly:

he struggles with his mental health extensively. hes traumatized by being forced into being a bystander and his new disability keeps reminding him of that fact. his old crew encourages him to keep going though, and daisukes family pays for his therapy sessions.

he underwent many surgeries, mainly skin transplants (he still looks. uncanny though), rhinoplasty (more like. he just got a whole new nose altogether) and added eyelids (made his eye look smaller than before) and lips.

while this IS the Future, many of the cool 'solutions' to his disability are too expensive. pony express only paid for curlys wheelchair with a communicator and a cheap pair of prosthetic arms. the motor abilites of these arms are limited, as he cannot even write with them. theyre purely there just so he can operate his wheelchair by himself.

he wants to save money to buy new legs and arms, mostly just because he'd love to get back into weightlifting again.

after being fired, he mostly relies on disability pay and benefits.

he dropped many of his old friends, because they sympathised with jimmy, but he still has a close knit group of friends, with whom he lives.

he wanted to quit being a pilot long before the crash, and his old crew convinced him that he should pursue something new, to help him move on.

with the financial support of daisukes parents (daisuke begged them), curly enrolls in med school. he chose a proffession where he would help people.

thanks to this he grew even closer to anya.

anya:

tried to distance herself from the crew, because she felt like dead weight, but they didnt let her. daisuke talked her and curly into therapy.

she couldnt afford to try to get into med school again, and even then, she wasnt sure if she even wanted to do that anymore.

but, due to his disability, curly needed a notetaker and, well. the stars just aligned.

being his notetaker, anya gets to attend all the lectures with curly, helping him with his studies while she absorbs all the knowledge. this gave her the confidence she needed to decide to try again, sometine in the future.

asides from this, anya took up running again. she runs regularly, planning to run a marathon one day. she also gained a lot of weight after coming back, resulting in a mean bulk, gaining quite a lot of muscle.

sometimes she runs together with curly and daisuke, and curly also coaches anya in the gym on occassion.

the whole crew regularly meet up for brunches and birthdays. :)

[borderlinereminders]

Sometimes, we don’t have the option to get support. Whatever this reason, sometimes we have no choice but to manage our emotions on our own and that can be so scary. But it isn’t hopeless. I also try to manage my emotions on my own before reaching out for support. I reach out for support if needed, but trying to handle it myself first is important to me for a lot of reasons.

If you’re having to deal with some big emotions on your own, or a spiral. That’s okay. You can do this.

Usually when I’m struggling with feelings, the first thing I begin struggling with is having harmful urges. Sometimes these urges are to lash out, hurt myself, self sabotage or any number of things. The first thing I do is focus on my Urge Surfing skill. Here’s a link to my post on that. But if you’re not up to it just now, it’s basically a skill that helps you “ride the wave” of an urge until it passes.

If I’m in a panicked or otherwise heightened state that requires me calming down, I’ll likely focus on grounding techniques. These are things I can do that will help ground me so I can think more clearly.

What I do next depends on what the circumstances are. If I’m spiralling but I know it’s temporary and will likely pass on its own (this does happen to me! Sometimes a spiral is just me being overly tired or over stimulated and I sleep it off) then I focus on skills that involve distracting myself. This might mean using a skill like ACCEPTS. The goal for me is to focus on something else so I don’t continue to spiral or cave to the things I want to do because of the spiral.

Sometimes the circumstances are something I work on. If I’m really upset because I’m feeling insecure about a loved one, I might challenge my irrational thinking. Here is my post on challenging irrational thoughts. I might look at screenshots or reminders that they love me. Maybe I’m being really negative about myself, in which case I would also challenge my irrational thoughts. When it comes to this sort of thing, I also Check the Facts. While feelings are valid, sometimes it’s our interpretation of something that is making things worse and we can work on that.

One of the things I usually end up working on is Radical Acceptance. This is when we accept our feelings, even the negative ones without shutting them down. While sometimes we need to shut them down temporarily to get through a circumstance like work or something else, trying to just shove them down all the time is unlikely to work and often leads to a blow up.

It’s okay if some of my skills don’t work for you. My basic concept is that I figure out whether I need to distract myself, or try and sort through the feeling. There are a lot of skills or techniques that can be substituted. There are just the ones that work for me. You aren’t a failure if they aren’t for you. We’re all different! Here’s my post on DBT skills!

I will say that one of the most important things that helps me the most is the steps I take to be prepared for an emotional crisis. Here is my post on that. Being prepared in advance makes it a lot easier when the crisis happens.

Whatever the case, you can get through this. A lack of emotional permanence can make things hard. And when it’s hard, sometimes it feels like that’s all there is. Nothing exists outside of the bad feelings. But there is so much more. And this will pass. It always does. These feelings are temporary visitors and they won’t stay forever.

[sandersstudies]

Okay so I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday and trying to be as fair as possible to these parents, because these are people in my extended village, and I’ve started thinking of some positive interactions/interventions I’ve had that aren’t “tell the parent they aren’t parenting correctly” (which we all know is unfair).

1. Care for the parent. If the parent is upset, they are likely going to upset the child, even if they don’t mean to. Give mom or dad a hug or some time to calm down before they have to jump into parenting again.

2. Related to part 1, offer to solve the problem without you ever disciplining the child. (It’s straight-up not my place to discipline children in front of their parents without explicit consent — only a few members of my village have told me that it’s acceptable for me to observe and correct their children.) This could be as simple as “hey it seems like the girls have a lot of energy right now, want me to watch them outside so they can run around while you finish what you’re doing?”

3. Talk to them in a calm moment if you see a pattern and see if they need long-term support. “Hey, I’ve noticed it’s really been a struggle for you to transition Della out of dance class and into the car. Is there anything I can do to help you and her with that transition? Does she need some extra time to pack her things or say goodbye to her friends?”

4. Relate to the child. Some people have forgotten what it’s like to be a kid, or they have a kid who is radically different from themselves. I was a kid who was often “naughty” myself and I remember my reasons (good AND bad) for behaving that way. Many parents genuinely don’t see the logic in children’s behavior and sometimes an outside adult who can say “hahaha I do that” is actually a weight off their minds.

5. Relate to the parent. And also, sometimes they just need you to be a wall for them to complain at. If they are really frustrated, it’s better they get it out of their system in a reasonable conversation with you than to snap at their kids later. Parenting IS hard — I haven’t done it myself but I’ve watched others do it long enough to glean.

My knowledge about child development versus the social pressure to not interfere with other people’s parenting fight daily

[chrysanthemumgames]

That ask about Hades appearance was something I had thought about before too, and reading that it was immediate and he was aware of it now makes me wonder just how he felt about it, was it hard to get used to or was he just like "oh, okay"? Did anyone expect that to happen at all? Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions btw you're awesome 💐

No problem, anon!

As for how he felt about it, well... there was a sense of alienation there, for a while. His body had changed, very much without his input, and while the changes were ultimately to aspects of himself that he didn't care much about one way or another, it was still quite jarring, and compounded the fact that he suddenly had powers he'd never had before, had suddenly, in fact, become not just a user but a font of magic, and, most alarmingly, now caused living things around himself to die.

It was a lot. Getting to the place he's at now, where he's still a bit sad about some aspects of his power but more or less accepts it as part of him, and has come to think of his physical form now as more 'his' than it ever used to be... took time. In some ways it's still in progress—as many people have noticed, he is still insecure about his power in the sense that he worries it will make others afraid of him. He, himself, has accepted it, but he knows not everyone necessarily does or will, and that part's still the source of some angst.

He knew what he was getting into in the sense that he knew becoming the Underworld would change him. But actually experiencing it was very different. Sometimes you have to go through something to really get it, and this was one of those cases.

[teoft]

It's like Tumblr has become almost a diary for me, thanks to no character limit and a read more button. This atmosphere of acceptance and understanding helps a lot too.

I'll get back to posting actual art, juggling with Twitter and Bluesky along with commissions is taking up a lot of my time.

Anyway, thoughts about art community and being social

For the longest time I've had this feeling of being an outsider in this vague community of artists that see as colleagues of sorts. Like I meet all the "criteria" of being in the group, and yet don't really feel like I'm part of it. Well, it seems I am right in some way, and the reason is that they interact with each other, while I sit here drawing alone.

Unfortunately I've always been prone to isolate myself from others. I grew up feeling like I should be ashamed of loving to draw, since it was always fanart monsters, creatures and cool guys instead of "proper art" like animals and portraits. Before social media, I only drew for myself and never showed anything to anybody. I hid my art from my family, from the world, so that I wouldn't be judged. I think it is one of the biggest reasons why I have trouble interacting with people in the context of art (tbh I'm shit at being social anyway but that's a whole another problem).

Even when I had a scanner and means to post my art online, I never did, due to the whole "if you put something online it'll be there forever" mindset. My first actual account anywhere online must've been Facebook in 2010ish, where I only had a few friends. It was the perfect place for me to finally post anything online, and so I did: I used to post pretty much everything I drew on there. Slowly gaining courage, I eventually made my original Tumblr account, then Deviantart, Twitter, etc.

Still, all I did was throw my art out there in hopes of somebody liking it. I didn't really know how to interact with the people who commented on my posts, so instead I mostly just... made more art. I did have some friend groups here and there, but either they ended up falling apart or my social battery drained in such a way that I slowly drifted away. I had gotten used to just being by myself and relying only on myself in the online art world.

During my design studies, I started putting more thought and work on promoting myself, so that it could be one career path for me to take. My mindset was that I'll work hard and become "big", even if it meant that one post gained me just one follower. In 2020 I ended up going viral with a meme and suddenly getting tens of thousands of followers. It was great and a welcome boost of morale, but unfortunately 2020 was otherwise one of the worst years in my life.

Throughout the years people have come and gone, so the only constant for me has been myself, and my drive to develop my skills. Thus it's been too easy for me to just isolate myself. In a way it has been my strength with regards to art, but sometimes I wish I knew how to make lasting connections. I think/know I might be autistic to some degree, which adds to the difficulty of being social. Though, to be honest, I don't know if I'd gotten this far without my autistic hyperfixations.

I guess the thing I need to do now to fix this problem of loneliness and isolation is to just... slowly try and be more social. To reply to comments and talk to people. All of which is easier said than done. Still, just gotta take that first step and then keep going.

Despite lacking the kind of community I yearn for, it seems I've made a name for myself, enough so that people seem to take pride in knowing me. Or at least that's the impression I've gotten a few times. But still, I am happy that I've had a positive effect on people. After all, my two main motivators in art are that I like doing it, and I like when people enjoy my art.

[vibratingskull]

NSFW Alphabet: Thrawn

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very attentive. Will bath and massage you to help your relax.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He doesn't favor anything or his own body, it is simply a tool for him that he uses and models to accomplish his goals, so he would choose his brain. Loves everything about you, because it is you, but if you really press him for an answer he will say your soft hands that touch him so deliciously and your gorgeous eyes that say everything he wants to learn about your mood, headspace, thoughts,...

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Deeply wants a child with you, so he prefers to cum inside your pussy.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It's only a secret until he asks your permission, but he craves to smell your dirty panties when separated from you during his rut, it helps him keep the urges in check.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Low experience, 1 to 0 former partner. He received a sexual education as any other Chiss and follows his desires and instincts but he is very attentive to your guidance. Very thorough and focused student, learns super fast.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Good ol' romantic missionary because he can hug you and see the pleasure on your face. Will negotiates hard and long until you accept to sit on his face

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not really goofy but he still has his deadpan humor and sometimes you have to stop everything because you cannot stop laughing at one of his zesty remark while he considers you sternly.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

No hair anywhere but his glorious head

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very loving and romantic! He will give you a lot of attention and tenderness

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Rarely masturbates, its more of a last resort.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding, overstimulation, scent kink, delay, any "artsy" kink like Shibari (on you or himself)

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom. His office or a closet if the rut is driving him insane, but this is exceptionally rare

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The feeling of closeness, intimacy, vulnerability and warmth with you during the act and the aftercare provide him and the desire for a baby

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Nothing that could really hurt and is unsanitary or unhygienic

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Pro at giving, he is a natural at eating pussies and it is really fun to him. Appreciate receiving but prefers to give

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual usually, fast and rough during heat 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Prefers to go big or go home so not a big fan of quicky, but will do it as a last resort during rut (but it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Willing to experiment whatever you want after proper research and in a controlled environment but he remains pretty vanilla himself

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

As an alien on top of his game and with a rut/heat, he can last way longer than you, that doesn't mean that he wants to tho...

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

His first toys were for you, and only thought of some for himself when he started to explore his submissive side with you

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Loves delay to make the pressure and tension rise so a big teaser during foreplay but will give so much during the main course! 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Low hisses and growls usually, but will be very vocal when in subspace or when he eats you out.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Aroace king that slowly discovers that aspect of himself with you.

Bonus card : A glorious switch, will dom or sub like a pro

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Very long and girthy, like the rest of his body. Prayers to your body...

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very low, like... You thought he was not attracted to you at first until he explained to you

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Will never fall asleep before you if he even has to sleep in the first place.

[dekariosclan]

Epilogue Friend Gale is great I love him so much but your post brought to mind something I saw a while ago

When Tav chooses to refuse his proposal, he's still ever the gracious host and friend, still offering an invitation to visit him sometime, maybe even be a guest lecturer, I think!

I wonder though how friend Gale might feel about Tav who is his ex, who he may still have feelings for, who may also still have feelings back for Gale, and how he may go about winning Tav's heart once again?

Thank you for sending in an ask that takes a gut-punch of a scene (WHO COULD DECLINE GALE’S PROPOSAL?!?!!?!!?) and ends up turning it into a happy ending! Truly an anon after my own heart! did i actually send this ask in to myself 🤔

There’s just one caveat I want to add to your scenario, which is that: There’d have to have been a damn good reason that Tav had to break up with Gale/not stay with him at all. Because Gale is so loyal and devoted (waits for Tav even when they abruptly go to Avernus!) that I could not see him willingly taking the risk of giving his heart to Tav a second time if they rejected him for a frivolous reason.

But if there WAS a good reason—perhaps something in Tav’s past that they’d been obligated to finish on their own, and they weren’t able to commit to Gale as a result—then I think upon their reunion at the Epilogue party and especially when Tav visited Waterdeep, Gale would have to do his best to hide just how much his heart still belonged to Tav. And he would absolutely fail on all counts.

In other words, he’d be so adorably sweet and flustered and charming that I don’t think he’d need to try very hard to win Tav’s heart again.

He still would try, of course; he’d be absolutely over the moon at Tav accepting his invitation to visit him in Waterdeep, and would take great pains to pull out all the stops (the food and drink being absurdly high quality as we’ve noted). But he’d also fret about the accommodations in his Tower, whether the guest bed was good enough, what kind of music Tav would like, etc. He’d be in a bit of a frenzy of preparation.

The irony would be that when Tav arrived, despite Gale doing everything he could to impress them with the surroundings, the only thing they really would be focused on was Gale himself. How sweet he was, how effortlessly kind he was, how soft his eyes looked when he smiled at them.

How much they’d missed him.

I don’t think it would take long at all (maybe a week? maybe two?) before their conversations turned from how long Tav planned to stay, to Tav being welcome to stay as long as they’d like, to wondering why Tav would need to leave at all?

Gale would be ridiculously happy of course, and the very first thing he’d want to do is join Tav in sharing the joyous news with Tara.

Tara’s happiness, on the other hand, would be about what you’d expect:

“Oh. You again. Shall I tell Mrs. Dekarios that the prospect of grandchildren is back on the table then?”

“TARA!”

[buildingunderstanding]

This is something I've been thinking a lot about, especially as someone who was raised Christian, who was raised under "thou shalt have no other gods" before me and "these other Pagan gods mentioned in the Bible or other myths don't exist at all".

"Worship" as a word and as a concept holds a lot of weight in the flavor of Christianity I was raised in. I was taught that actively choosing to go to work over being at church was an act of worship of money, but I was also taught that a lot of the ways Evangelicals or Pentecostals worship is incorrect, that it didn't count as worship because of how performative it is.

I was taught that worship should be personal and intimate and meant a personal relationship with God, but also that it had strict requirements, but thinking about it, I have a hard time defining what those requirements were.

In more recent years prior to my leaving the church worship was defined in sermons as "to ascribe worth or value to" and to be honest that scared and confused me. Was I worshiping my art because I found value in it? Was I worshipping my fandoms and fics because they brought me comfort and I held them as dear in my heart?

I didn't believe I could lose my salvation, but it did make me feel like a bad Christian. It made me feel like there was nothing I could ever do that would be enough to be worshiping God correctly or enough.

Then I met Loki and Apollo reintroduced himself to me and I found comfort in the idea of there not being a concept of sin. But I still struggle with the concept of worship.

If I was doing it right, if I was doing enough of it, if the things I did "counted", if I would be punished by the Christian God for trying to figure this out under the umbrella of Paganism.

Worship has kind of become a scary word for me and I often find myself looking for alternative ways to describe my relationship with these other deities. Oddly enough, "devotee" sounds less scary to me than "worshiper". It doesn't carry the emotional baggage that "worshipper" does and it feels more true somehow. I have candles I light and jewelry I wear that I have "devoted" or gifted to my new Gods. I have art that I have created with them in mind that hang on my walls that I consider to be gifts to them.

And while those things can be considered acts of worship...that's still a word that I'm trying to unpack. Some days it feels less icky or scary than other days. Today is a day where it feels scary.

It feels more comfortable to say that I lit a candle to honor Ares than it does to say that I did it in an act of worship. It feels more comfortable to say that I am holding space for these new deities than it does to say that I am worshiping them.

I understand that there are likely dictionary definitions behind the differentiation of the words, and maybe some people find comfort in having different words to describe how their relationships with the gods has evolved.

But for me it just adds pressure of there being a "correct" way to interact with faith, of doing worship in The Right Way or it won't count, or it'll be in vain and won't be accepted.

(I understand that there is to some extent correct ways of interacting with the divine, coming with respect and understanding and those types of things. That's not the type of correctness I mean.)

That type of fear isn't conducive to building a relationship.

I know it's up to me to curate my experience within the internet spaces, I know my struggle with words and concepts are my own and that I can't expect anyone to cater to my own issues. But sometimes seeing these sort of "being devoted to a deity is so much more than worship" is really disheartening. Kinda makes me feel like I'm back in Christianity being given vague and simultaneously very strict rules of what worship is and being warned against doing it incorrectly and earning at best silence from God and at worst some form of punishment.

There is a lot of unpacking and deconstructing I have to do and Loki and Apollo and Artemis have already been so helpful in that area and I want to continue on this journey, but it does get overwhelming at times. Some of that overwhelm does come from debates like this.

Where did the idea of worshiper and devotee being in different levels of worship? Those are literally synonyms lol

[sleepyparalysisdmon]

Ateez being vulnerable with a partner

Requested? Yes! Request: ‘ateez members being vulnerable with their partner’

Hongjoong Ah, the burden of being a leader. I’m sure he feels like he has to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders sometimes. Members or management might ask how he’s doing, and he’ll probably always say, “I’m good!” But if you ask after a long day, he might finally let his overwhelm show. Be gentle, because he really just needs to vent sometimes. When he’s done venting, he’ll just want to lay in bed and let you hold him.

Seonghwa As the oldest, he’s used to taking care of everyone else’s needs. I feel he’d probably not easily accept others taking care of him though. So he might be a little resistant when you do things to make his life easier, insisting that he’s thankful but you really don’t need to do anything for him. But if you catch him on a particularly bad day, he might just fold and let you take care of something for him. Like if he comes home from a brutal practice and you put a warm meal in front of him, he might become a little emotional. Please keep insisting on doing these things so he’ll get used to it.

Yunho He’s a mood maker of the group, which is great! Except that he always has to be in a good mood or everyone suffers. So, I can picture that he might become frustrated with something and have to stifle that reaction to keep the peace. He’ll probably stifle that reaction around you as well out of habit. But when he crawls into bed late at night and you ask how his day was sweetly, he might explode. You should let him, gently rubbing his back while he lets it all out. Even if you don’t have any advice for him, the fact that you listen makes him feel lighter.

Yeosang This one might be a little unique, but I think there’s something particularly vulnerable about letting someone know that you’re upset with them. It could be something small, but those little things accumulate over time and become overwhelming. You notice that he might not be happy with little things you do - he reorganizes the dishwasher after you’ve loaded it, or he refolds his clothes that you just folding. Small stuff that he bites his tongue about to keep the peace. When you ask him to tell you about those little things so you can fix them, he hesitates. But he’ll eventually come to you and say, “Can you please do it this way next time?” He might need some reassurance that you aren’t mad that he asked, but progress is progress.

San I have a hunch that he’s probably pretty vulnerable with a partner to begin with. Where I think an issue might come in is when he feels like him being vulnerable with you all the time is a burden. He doesn’t like to come home and unload all of his stresses onto you, especially when you might have also had a hard day. You’ll have to be pretty direct that it’s okay to be vulnerable with you because he also creates a safe space for you to be vulnerable.

Mingi Sometimes, certain things are hard to say. So he often doesn’t say them. You’ll find a page or two of notebook paper with some of those little vulnerable thoughts written down. At first, you thought he left it out accidentally and you apologized for reading his private thoughts. He insisted he left it out for you, and it’s a regular habit now. It lets you know when he needs a little bit of extra love, even if he’s uncomfortable directly asking for it.

Wooyoung This man is so confident 99.9% of the time. But in those .1% times, he might turn to you and ask some crazy vulnerable questions. ‘Am I attractive?’ ‘Is this hair color bad?’ ‘Do you love me?’ ‘Why do you stay with me?’ It just might break your heart to hear it, but answer kindly. May also need some physical comfort when he’s feeling like this, so baby him for a bit until he’s back to his usual confident self.

Jongho He strikes me as someone who is not as physically affectionate as others. Not that he hates it, it’s just that he likes to show his love in other ways. But you’ll know something is up when he comes home and all but collapses on top of you. It’s so unlike him that you’ll ask if he’s okay. Will not admit that he needs the physical affection to soothe whatever he’s dealing with, but you rubbing his back and running a hand through his hair will make him forget whatever he was feeling bad about.