#sometimes it can make 'em sad or guilty etc

[ant1quarian]

Ah...sorry, I didn't know that would be rude...

dw, it isn't to us ✨

just making sure you knew to be careful for others pfft. people are important- and so are your emotions. think of it as a learning curve ig?

either way it's only the tiniest bit of a "whoops" so don't sweat over it

and also have your daily reminder that you are in fact awesome and to keep doing the thing

[sorrinslays]

More about the Belobog Roleswap AU

So, I decided to make this post because of @lesbianbootheng. Specifically, their reblog right here:

#hsr#role swap au#op i hope u know much i enjoy those aus and the fact u made one is So Cool to me#pls tell me u have more ideas bc dude? i’d love to hear em#and i hope ur comfy w/ me adding some ideas myself bc this sounds soo fucking cool dude like wtf#love the idea of clara and hook being assistants to the silvermane guards that’s so cool <3 it fits them surprisingly well#ALSO THE FUCKING NERD PELA BEING PART OF THE FIGBT CLUB?? idk that’s so funny to me idk why LMFAO#oleg being luka’s father is rlly cute i love that <3 my HEARTT#also svorg being slowly being aaprt of the landau family by serval fixing him and they start to consider each other as the other loved ones#serval is still a musician i hope she’d just be one of those underground artists (literally haha)#also love the fact cocolia/serval r a thing in this au that makes me so happy u don’t understand :3#their yuri is NOT doomed after all :3#also… bc this is a roleswap au imagine bronya as the new supreme guardian… can u see it?#how do u think she’d act as leader?#sampo + bronya would DEF need to reign her in haha#also. do u think geppie sees sampo interacting w/ hook/clara & thinks of lynx & wants to sob when he’s separated#bc I DO. i so fucking do

So here's some more insight on the lives of the characters!

Gepard

He has this rule he set for himself that he doesn't steal from the less fortunate, guards and children. Those he does frequently steal from are nobles and since he used to be one (technically still is) he knows the obsolete worst ones. Sometimes, when he learns something particularly bad, he leaves an "anonymous" tip in Sampo's office.

He tried to grow a side business out of selling flowers. Since he's not a guard he has way more time to actually engage in his hobby, unlike his OG counterpart, he can actually keep a plant alive. However the business sadly didn't end up working out.

He does have "disguises" so he can get groceries without being chased around, although they are all kind of terrible. He doesn't know jackshit about makeup so he relies on hiding his face instead (hats, masks, sunglasses and the like). Almost all of Belobog knows this but they just kinda don't bother him cause the disguise is so bad it's sad.

Whenever Clara and Hook see Gepard in his "disguise" they try to get Sampo to arrest him cause "it's literally the guy you chase everyday, he's right here, just get him!!!!!" only for Sampo to pretend not to recognize him. Gepard goes through all five stages of grief whenever this happens.

He has accidently bumped into Luka sneaking into the restricted zone on numerous occasions and both kept it secret. They have even fought together in secret.

There are rumours of the "Phantom Shielder" amongst the guards, which is just Gepard. He keeps trying to help in the snow plains, since he feels guilty for adding to the workload of the guards by committing crimes. He believes it to the least he could do.

He is a supplier of automaton parts and the like for Oleg. Luka has a sneaking suspicion that's the case but since it's Gepard's most legitimate business venture, he doesn't bother reporting it. Oleg is, like, the closest thing Gepard has to a father figure.

Sampo

As the Captain, he rarely has time to relax alone and anytime he does have the time he spends it in the far away snow plains looking for medicine for Cocolia. He sneaks away when he's supposed to be doing paperwork. Or he "loses track of time and stays on patrol for longer periods".

He has made deals with pharmacists all around Belobog, asking for "defect medicine" that cannot be sold to the public (because of such things as a wrongly colored bottle, wrong print, a small cracks etc.). Basically, he collects it without telling the pharmacists where it actually goes. They don't really question him and he brings it to Cocolia.

He has a house near the restricted zone, not because he wants to be "closer to the actions" as he tells people, but so that he can have more alone time. You need a good reason to be anywhere near the restricted zone or you have to sneak in, so his apartment is like a safe haven to him.

He doesn't have any tells when lying, contrary to popular belief. He has fake ones that he uses to trick Natasha. She believes him to be a bad liar because of this.

Anytime he has free time (which is not all that often) he is surrounded by children anywhere he goes. If you hear manic giggling across the streets you know Sampo has a day off. He will have at least two kids around him at all times and the parents have to practically peel them away from him.

Sometimes, whenever he spots Hook bothering Gepard while he's "in his disguise" he walks over and chats with Gepard just to fuck with him. It's incredibly entertaining watching the poor guy squirm as his voice cracks in ten different ways.

He actually knows if Luka sneaked in and disguised himself as a guard because there's a standard hair length soldiers in the restricted zone have to have that Luka does not follow. He never mentions it, just let's him do whatever since he believes Luka to be capable enough. He does like ordering him around just to fuck with him, seeing Luka flinch and do anything without making a sound or "deepening his voice" so that Sampo "doesn't recognize him" is very funny to him.

Luka

As much as he hates paperwork, he's infuriatingly good at it. So he's probably staying an intelligence officer for a long while. Seele told him as much after a meeting with Natasha. He had begged Seele to bring up his situation, arguing that he's healed now and can go back to the front lines. Seele, true to her word, did mention him, but Natasha shout down any conversation about him, stating he's "too useful as an intelligence officer".

He used to have a small crush on Sampo. He was impressed by his fighting and was asking the Captain for a spar for weeks before the other agreed. It's still unknown if he still harbors that crush. The crush doesn't necessary have to romantic, it's honestly up for interpretation.

He attends every funeral, celebration and memorial held in honor of the Silvermane Guards. It's based on respect but also a little bit of guilt on his part. He believes that if he hadn't lost his arm, he would've still been in the front lines and he could've stopped some of the death that happened in the snow plains.

Whenever he is cooped up in his office for long periods of times, Clara and Hook are tasked (by Sampo, as their "superior") to get him out. Usually, they steal an important document and have him chase them all over the city. By the time he gets back, the day is over and he is ordered to go home and rest.

During his days off, he helps Oleg around the workshop. Oleg has tried to reassure Luka many times before that he doesn't need to keep helping, although all of them were in vain.

He has tried getting new hobbies to distract himself, and one that he enjoyed more than he thought he would was crocheting and knitting. He made matching scarfs for Clara and Hook and Seele called him a granny. He challenged her to a spar after that (he lost).

Whenever Luka and Gepard sneak into the snow plains together, they get into "competitions". Basically, they try to kill more fragmentum than the other. Usually, it's a tie or one of them winning by a small precent (like one or two more kills).

Natasha

Just like every other Supreme Guardian, she graduated in history. Although that's the case, she was always fascinated by human biology and the structure of the human body. She became even more interested after she met a man by the name of Vache, who told her he wanted to make a medicine specifically for people to be able to survive the bitter cold. After Cocolia banished Vache to the snow plains, Natasha brought him to Qlipoth Fort. He is still alive, even after the Astral Express' visit.

She really likes teddy bears, they used to be the only emotional support she had back when she was first selected to be the future Supreme Guardian. She had shared this information with Oleg, and since they used to be very close back in the academy, a lot of her stuffed toys were left at Oleg's place. So their absence during the Stellaron's manipulation helped her spiral quicker.

Vache lives in the lab of Qlipoth Fort and he is, basically, Stellaron 2.0. Since he also believes the Stellaron, he tries to pressure Natasha into following its plan. Natasha, isolated from any actually healthy influences, gives in and soon orders that result in more deaths than victories follow.

She and Oleg used to be very close, to the point that they even grew flowers together and used to babysit children together as a way to gain a little something something on the side. Whenever Luka reports to her, she asks about Oleg and how he's doing, every time she asks she has a wishful expression on her face.

Natasha was actually very suspicious of Sampo in the beginning, after all, before he joined the Silvermane Guards she hasn't heard a thing about him. She remained suspicious of him even after years, until the end of the Belobog arc. When he first made waves, she researched every little thing about him.

Oleg adopted Luka after his break up with Natasha, so when she first saw his last name she cried. She genuinely thought that she had missed a wedding or something.

Doctor handwriting. Even in another universe she couldn't escape the illegible doctor handwriting curse.

Seele

Used to go to the same elementary, middle and high school together with Luka. He was just a year or two younger than her. As a kid, she used to think he was okay, then during middle school she found him annoying and now it's a mix of two. However, he's probably the closest thing she has to a best friend and it's the person she trusts the most outside of Natasha.

She focuses a lot of her combat abilities. Since Natasha doesn't let her go on too many missions and she's not aware she's supposed to be the next Supreme Guardian (she is under the impression that she is just Natasha's adopted daughter) she doesn't think about the political situation or strategies all that much. She much prefers fighting the fragmentum.

Although technically she has a higher position than Sampo, whenever she gets overzealous during training or pushes herself too hard, she'll "be put in time out" by Sampo. Basically, she will be training and Hook and Clara pop out of nowhere, telling her how it's "time for a break, or else Sampo will put you in time out". She always tries to get out of it because she finds it stupid, but honestly dealing with Hook and Clara is a challenge in it of itself, so, unfortunately for her, Sampo's tactic works annoyingly well.

At first, she was struggling a lot in school, specifically with writing. When Natasha first caught wind of this, she sat down with Seele and they spent a whole evening just writing and Natasha helping Seele with school work.

For almost her whole life, Natasha and Oleg were together, so when Natasha turned distant and they broke up, she basically lost her parent. She visits Oleg's workshop every now and then, but they definitely aren't as close as they used to be. Now, unfortunately for her, the closest thing she has in her life that actively acts like a father figure is Sampo.

She regularly makes bets with soldiers in the front lines. Like, "oh, I bet Kyle can't headshot five fragmentum in a row". In general she is very friendly with them. Natasha is not a fan of that.

Luka asks her for a spar session almost any time he sees her. While it "annoys" her, she find comfort in the fact that she can tell him mood easily like that. She knows that if he's just fired up he gonna ask one or two times and if he feels bad for whatever reason, he's gonna be more persuasive.

Oleg

To him, the Neverwinter workshop was something that would've happened one way or another. He always knew that at some point he would own a workshop, however, what he didn't expect was how soon it would happen. He imagined opening it in his late forties - early fifties after passing his Stellaron research to a younger researcher. He never expected to have the nasty break up with Natasha and getting kicked out of the Silvermanes like that.

A side hobby he picked up after losing his job as a researcher was sketching. Whenever the workshop goes through a slow period with no customers or any work to do, people can find him outside, sketching whatever he sees.

When Luka lost his arm, he was devastated. He was so scared for his son he soot out Natasha, asking if she can find a better position for Luka that doesn't endanger him so much. Although he feels guilty for taking the choice from Luka, he also prefers feeling guilty with a son than feeling guilty without a son.

Back when Luka used to be in the frontlines, he wanted to meet his superior (Sampo) just to be sure that the Captain was capable. His first impression of Sampo wasn't a positive one, but after hearing about his achievements in battle, anecdotes from other guards, seeing Luka's admiration of him and seeing him around the street playing with the kids, he backed off.

He still misses Seele, even though technically she's not his kid. Even though that's the case, he still makes sure to prepare birthday gifts for her and congratulate her on any achievements.

He teaches Hook and Clara the basics of engineering. Every week he dedicates two hours for them. It's actually one of his favorite past times cause it livens up the place and reminds him of back when Luka and Seele used to be kids.

He still thinks about his research, specifically the Stellaron. He really wants to continue studying it and oftentimes thinks about it. He has a lot of theories about it but can't test any of them out.

Cocolia

She met Serval when the Landaus first moved to the Underground. While all the siblings have a positive opinion of her and they generally get along well, she and Serval clicked almost instantly. Serval helped her a lot with the orphanage, then with the clinic and finally with Wildfire.

Even though the Underground's atmosphere is pretty depressing, Cocolia tries her best make it more homey, warm and, in general, uplift the people. There's a reason why the people of the Underworld trust her with more than just medical issues.

One of her attempts to make the Underworld more welcoming was plants. Although most of them require sunlight, she got Sampo to look for ones that can survive without it. And just like that the Underworld is full of plants (as much as it can be). Unfortunately not all parts of the Underworld have a flourishing flora, the unlivable parts (thanks to the fragmentum) don't have any.

While she is a doctor and a healer is general, if it comes down to it, she can hold her own in battle. She uses a bass guitar when fighting, the one that in the original Serval broke during her companion quest.

She and Bronya have a very strong bond. They spend hours talking about different ways to optimize Wildfire. Serval helps with that too, either as the face of Wildfire or by suggesting ways to update equipment or create new weapons. Whenever Sampo is present, his input is asked as well, although he mostly helps with strategizing and ways to get rid of the fragmentum.

The hardest choice she had to make was exile Vache. She was conscious of his downward spiral when he started obsessing over blizzard immunity but the human experimentation was kept a secret from her until Lynx mentioned hearing something about it. Needless to say when she found out she was heartbroken.

She is well liked by all the children, and she always has some sort of candy on her desk. It's either for children who are being treated or, at the end of each day, the most behaved kid gets two.

Bronya

Although she didn't go to school, she knows the basics thanks to Cocolia and Serval. So now, her favorite hobby is reading. She has read as many books as she could get her hands on. Anytime she sees Sampo, she asks him to deliver her a book or two.

While she is part of Wildfire and she does fight against the fragmentum under Serval's command, whenever fragmentum activity is low, she is seen helping around Cocolia's clinic. While is mostly acts as a nurse following Cocolia's orders, she is still very skilled, to the point that other nurses sometimes call her "Cocolia 2.0".

She has learned the basics of engineering from Serval. It's a skill that comes in handy more often than not, from fixing up children's toys to helping fix equipment that was broken by the fragmentum.

The kids love her too. Whenever they get into trouble the first person they go to is Bronya due to her "not being an adult" (she is, she is just the youngest one working in the clinic so they assume she's still a teenager).

She has heard a lot about Gepard, but she has never actually met him since she wasn't adopted back when the Underworld and Overworld weren't separated. Despite this, she feels as if she had known him forever because of how often Serval and Lynx mention him. As if he's still here, with them.

She and Pela are good friends. Thanks to her, Bronya got into the Tales of the Winterlands. That series got her to wish to one day go to the topside and see the snow plains for herself. It's a wish she holds close to her heart.

She is close to Lynx as well, they spend a lot of time together due to her being the little sister of Serval. The two of them started reading Tales of the Winterlands together thanks to Pela and both of them loved it. They have spent hours talking about what they want to do in the Overworld.

Pela

She is a very important part of Wildfire not only because of her strength but also because of her great investigation skills and data collection. Thanks to her, Wildfire is not only able to catch troublemakers but also because she could predict future fragmentum activity based on the data she managed to collect.

She was the one who investigated Vache when Cocolia first heard of the rumours. She had come to Pela as a friend, asking for help, not as part of Wildfire. Pela accepted to look into it for free, and gave it her all. Let's just say the investigation wasn't all that pleasant.

She has created a fake identity that she uses to bet on herself. She is very strategic about it too. If she wins too many bets, she makes sure to stage a few loses to keep the attention away from her fake identity. She has made bank with that strategy.

Moreover, the reason she is still technically in debt is because the person she owes to is in the Overworld, so she had no way to reach him and she can't ask Sampo for help. She has a small box in her apartment that is the payment to her debt. She's not sure if there's any extra payment due to being late (although it's not really her fault) but just in case she keeps some extra shield.

Her closest friend is Lynx, they hang out together anytime Lynx isn't with Svarog. There's moments were they don't talk, Lynx just shows her picture as they cuddle on Pela's sofa and that's probably their favorite activity. However, anytime Lynx is in a talkative mood, the two of them theorize on what Gepard is doing in the Overworld.

She preforms in Mechanical Fever with Serval. It's a way for her to gain an additional income while hanging out with her friends (Serval, Lynx and sometimes Cocolia (when she's not busy with Wildfire and the clinic, which is pretty rare)). She is a drummer, her drumsticks are handmade and very sturdy (build by Serval) and she uses them when fighting as well.

She participates in a lot of food completions (like eating all 5 crabs that are in the game), but her favorites are the ones with spicy food. She and Serval were the ones with the biggest rivalry in a spice tolerance competition.

Serval

When she and her siblings first moved into the Underworld, they could only afford a one-bedroom apartment. She and Lynx shared the bedroom and Gepard slept in the living room. Soon, after Cocolia formed Wildfire, Serval go the opportunity to move. Now, she lives with Cocolia in a four-bedroom apartment, one for her and Cocolia, two bedrooms for Lynx and Bronya and the last one for Gepard.

While she is part of Wildfire, she also has her own "workshop" which is just her "experimentations" on automatons. She wants to create truly sturdy ones that can handle the fragmentum so that people don't have to risk their lives (and to also win in automaton fights shhh!!!!!).

While she doesn't like Svarog, she still helps him fix up a few things here and there, although she doesn't approve of the way they run their part of the Underworld she understands that he is an important ally. Plus, she gets access to better tools/materials.

She is still the lead singer/guitarist in Mechanical Fever. Most of her songs are about hope and a brighter future, it's her way of helping uplift the people of the Underworld. She is the most popular artist in the Underworld because of this.

When Sampo first arrived to the Underworld, she asked him about Gepard. More specifically, how he's been, if Sampo knows anything about him (whereabouts, health and the like). While he answered her questions, she asked if he could bring Gepard down, but he said "not yet". He did give her other reasons as well, but the "not yet" stuck with her.

Whenever Bronya and her go for patrols or missions together, they just talk. Like, they do get the work down, but they have insanely good coordination skills and synergy together that it's a breeze for them so it works more as a bonding moment rather than work.

The one taking care of most plants in the Underworld is Serval because they remind her a lot of Gepard and his love for plant life. On especially lonely nights she imagines his reaction to seeing how much the Underworld has changed since last time he was there.

Lynx

The reason Lynx got so attached to Svarog was because he possessed a lot of knowledge about the outside world and he could answer a lot of her questions. He once even showed her a projection of how the aurora looks back in the snow plains.

Before meeting Svarog she had tried to go to the surface to, one, find Gepard and, two, to see the Overworld once more. She went pretty far, but she couldn't unlock the Furnace Core, so she had to leave before Svarog found her.

She once confided in Pela that she doesn't remember Gepard's face, that it's very blurry for her and that she feels very guilty about it. She is frustrated because she does care about him and Serval always gets a sad distant look when he's brought up, but whenever she is trying to imagine the three of the reuniting, she can't picture it.

She has tried reasoning with Svarog on multiple occasions, but the robot never changes his mind. She still hasn't lost hope whatsoever. After all, her dream, aside from reuniting with Gepard, is to visit the snow plains.

She knows basic engineering thanks to both Serval and Svarog. Although she is not very interested in it. She prefers learning about the outside world much more, but it's useful information so she doesn't argue.

Whenever she wants to get a few extra shield, she goes to the fight club to bet on Pela. If she is not participating, she follows Pela's betting advice. She almost always wins, but that's because she doesn't visit the club that often.

When she met Sampo, she had asked for pictures of the snow plains, since she learned he fights the fragmentum there. He obliged and now she has a whole pin board dedicated to those pictures in her room.

Hook and Clara

The two of them are a very big deal in their school. They brag that THE Captain of the Silvermane Guards has them as "assistants". At first, the other kids didn't believe them when Hook said that they work for Sampo until he comes pick them up from school one day (Fersman was busy).

While the two of them have their separate bedrooms, every night they have "sleepovers" which is basically them sleeping together in each other's bedrooms. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays they sleep in Hook's room and on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays they sleep in Clara's room. On Sundays they play rock paper scissors to decide where the sleepover will be.

Seele had to explain to them on multiple occasions that they are not official Silvermane Guards. Hook refuses to listen and Clara is just confused. Both insist that they are cause "uncle Sampo told us we are under his command!!!!!!!!! You're just jealous your boss isn't as cool as ours!!!!!"

While they get a lot out of following Sampo's orders, they are still not allowed in the restricted zone. They don't get it, and Sampo dances around the issue, ordering them to do things outside it like bringing lunch to Luka or something.

Both of them are really scared of Natasha. They've seen her once or twice in public appearances and whenever they bumped into her in Qlipoth Fort, and while at first she seems nice, something about her scares them. Most of the time whenever they see her they run to hide either behind Sampo or Fersman or Luka.

Once, Sampo had an infiltration mission but Hook and Clara kept wanting to hang out with them. Sampo noticed Gepard in his terrible disguise and told them to follow him. They ended up pestering Gepard all day instead.

Anytime there's a disagreement between them they solve it with a game of rock paper scissors. Even when doing homework. If one of them got a 7 as an answer while the other got a 100 they play rock paper scissors and list the answer as whatever the winner got.

[vrisrezis]

Aot crush and relationship hcs

Tw as I talk about suicide for reiners bit

- liking you makes him guilty (if you’re a soldier that is) and he doesn’t completely know what to even do about the situation

- as stares at you quite a bit and is self aware it’s obvious and tries not to too much

- you’re special to him

- probably tries to bring you along home with him and bertholdt before he even confesses he likes you but it probably works in his favor

- he honestly wants to marry you, a thought in his head before he even confesses his feelings

- not a blushy boy all the time but whos to say he can’t? You can totally make him blush

- when he finally decides to confess, he’s quite nervous about it but hey.. he’s lost a lot that was important you guys don’t have much time left

- a part of him wished he never became the armored titan so he’d have a longer time with you but at the same time if it weren’t for that he wouldn’t have met you (again if you’re a soldier but ok)

- if not hey it’s fine, he got to know you growing up and had a bigass crush on you that was so obvious that porco would purposelessly flirt with you to piss him off

- in a relationship, hugs and cuddles are quite often from Reiner you make him all soft and he’s such a cuddly man look at them big arms

- he’s the best hugger and cuddler tbh

- even if it looks weird, he likes to be the small spoon sometimes, just to be held and feel safe and protected for once

- he’s just so used to protecting you, which he loves and insists on doing but sometimes just wants to feel safe and protected by you

- likes patting your head

- gabi adores you so much, you guys are besties at this point

- gabis just really happy Reiner could find somebody to care and love for, it’s about damn time

- does not like you fighting, but if you have to then you have to

- will spoil you and buy you whatever you want, he does it cause he wants to spoil you though...

- when gabi finds this out you know she’s coming along for your dates more often to just get something

- dates are as often as you and Reiner can have them, which is more than most of the characters I’ve written for already

- you being with Reiner comes with a lot of emotional baggage that he doesn’t wanna put on you, he’s put it on a lot of people and he’s gotten a lot of people killed (who died in order to protect him such as bertholdt and ymir and etc)

- just be there for him, he doesn’t need you to understand he just needs somebody to not see him as a complete piece of shit so he can feel less guilty about it

- he has so much guilt :(

- so much to the point he doesn’t wanna live in this life anymore, but you being there makes it easier for him to have a will to live, for you

- at this point in his life he goes along with whatever you want

- he hates the idea of being separated from you at all

- yeah he’s a clingy boy in his adult years because he knows his time is coming up

- when he dies he says he wants you to look after gabi

- while the idea of dying sooner makes him feel better, can’t say he likes the idea of leaving you though he is constantly at a conflict between whether he’s happy to be the armored titan because he gets to protect you, die sooner etc or if he hates it cuz he can’t live longer to be with you and actually grow old with you

- even with his short life span, he wants to marry you

- it’s his final wish

- deep down Reiner wishes you could’ve started a family ;(

- he tells you to forget about him when he dies and start a family though tbh

- he loves you so much

(S4 eren does not exist, the reason for that is the whole reason he became a shit head, I won’t spoil for the non manga readers or those that aren’t caught up with the manga, but yeah)

- this blushy boy can’t help the nervousness he feels around you and doesn’t always know what to say around you

- you make him at a loss for words honestly which isn’t like him

- he thinks about approaching you often, but he gets so tongue tied

- mikasa usually has to do the talking and we all know she isn’t the most talkative gal ever

- he might try to impress you, even in his titan form he tries to impress you

- especially if it’s early on and it’s a new development he’s gonna wanna show it off

- doesn’t like being babied (as shown with mikasa) so he might wanna be the one to protect you and do things for you

- would die at being complimented or touched in anyway by you

- people don’t give him enough credit, he’s lost his mother, he has lost other people he grew to care for, he’s a protective boy and is scared to lose you or fail you

- he is oblivious to any feelings that might be returned

- he is usually one to cling around often as well

- he feels comfortable being vulnerable and crying in front of you

- but he still wants to seem like he at least knows what to do and he can protect you and whatnot but truth is he’s really scared he’ll fail you like he did with his mother and hannes

- this will be a slowburn for a longtime unless you say something eren is a loser with this shit

- even with armin and mikasas encouragements he is scared to tell you

- so he simply asks you questions to see if he can get any indication that you love him back, or at the very least like him

- it takes awhile since he’s dumb but when he gets an answer he wants, he asks you out

- being in a relationship with eren means him constantly being at your side and attached to you at the hip

- if not soulmates why always together ??

- FR though

- he likes having an arm around you if you’re shorter, let’s not forget as an adult he’s 6’0

- kisses your cheek often

- jealousy is also often, he has a lack of confidence compared to others sometimes but it’s nothing that’s an issue or anything

- you teach him what freedom really is, the freedom to love somebody in full, unconditionally, the freedom to have that feeling and it being the most amazing feeling

- play with his hair, he loves it

- not so much when it starts to get really long just cuz it gets knots sometimes but brushing his hair and putting it up it always nice and he appreciates it

- can we all agree he looks better with his hair up

- forehead kisses if he’s taller, it’s likely to be a newer development since he was quite shorter/average height back then

- while he hates being babied, he will let you take care of him if he really needed it

- but mainly likes taking care of you

- neck kisses don’t have to be a sexual giving hickeys thing and eren is living proof since he loves giving cute neck kisses

- likes to grab your hands and just kiss em

- first of all, keep in mind this man is like in his early/mid 30s and now like almost 40

- he’s not gonna have this schoolboy crush, he thinks it’s childish

- at least that’s what he says

- he can be caught staring at you often, very often

- like he’s so obvious damn, but it looks like he’s glaring at you

- only hange and Erwin can tell that he likes you with his stares gonna be real!

- finds excuses for you to be around him, maybe that’s having you in his squad now, maybe it’s helping him clean, whatever it is he’s getting you

- so maybe in his own way clingy

- he often talks to you in a similar fashion that he does with Erwin and hange, somewhat more “casual” in Levi’s terms, or kinda “teasing” as teasing as a levi can be and it not sounding like teasing

- deep down worries for you often and is protective, eren is already protective enough because of who he has lost just think about Levi he literally loses everyone

- tries not to be overwhelmingly protective, it can be annoying and would make him obvious

- also if you think it’s impossible to make him blush think again all you gotta do is hug him, he doesn’t even hug back but still!

- eventually decides you could die at any moment, life is short, especially in this world

- so he just asks you out and gets it over with

- so now you date!

- it’s hard not to worry for Levi with the constant bullshit he goes through, but it does feel nice to have somebody worry about him so he takes it

- he just doesn’t like the idea of you worrying about him too much since he’s supposed to be humanity’s strongest, he wants you to have some hope/faith

- likes patting your head, doesn’t matter how tall you are compared to him

- nobody would have the balls to call him short except for you

- we all know he isn’t good at his emotions but he will allow himself to be soft and vulnerable when y’all are alone

- doesn’t tolerate pda

- he also keeps the relationship mainly secretive because you could become a target, he doesn’t care if eren and the others know though

- likes kissing your hand a lot, or your neck/collarbone

- totally into pressing your foreheads together he finds it nice

- he at least can hug back now but that takes a long time lol

- Yes. you can squish his cheeks. Will he be extremely annoyed? Yes. Will he do anything about it? No.

- he’s so soft for you? God

- has nightmares about losing you often, so you share the same room so he feels better knowing you’re alive next to him

- or you comforting him back to sleep works

- will buy you things if he can, likes spoiling you when he can but not toooo much

- if you suggest turning into a titan he says no

- while a part of him is like yeah a guaranteed 13 yrs he also is like no he wanna spend the rest of his days with you he cannot allow it

- yeahhhh so maybe he’s got some naive hopes, but this time he thinks he can achieve them and finish this shit ... he can only hope

- not enough people write for my best boy, sad day ;(

- him with a crush though? Let’s be real he blushes quite a bit it annoys him though especially if you ever comment on it

- you just make him all mushy and god he loves you so much

- hand on his smushed cheek with a goofy smile and just stares at you, this happens all the time

- Sasha loves to remind him of that like everytime he does it

- very defensive of you, if anyone disrespects you they are catching these hands

- so it is likely fights with Jean bc he disrespected you (even if he was joking) are often

- he always tries to make you laugh, especially when you’re going through a rough time. He wants to see you smile and laugh and hates seeing you sad at all

- probably flirts with you, but he makes it sound like a joke so it’s hard to take him seriously

- he’s protective if he has to be, he’s not as strong as others but he can hold his own very well. (He’s canonly the fastest or at least one of the fastest, so he can get you out of situations fast)

- is overall even more goofy around you than he normally is because he just wants you laughing

- he can be clingy even while just being friends, often finds excuses to hang around you

- gets teased a lot by Sasha and Jean about his rather obvious crush

- sometimes he just daydreams about you so if anyone hears him sigh dreamily or zone out they know it’s cuz he’s thinking about you

- like seriously daydreams about you so much, the only time he isn’t is when he’s around you (which even then it still happens sometimes) or during like fights where he could die at any moment

- would die at being touched physically, or being complimented

- he will be like “yeah ofc I am haha ;D” in a joking way, but he is dying on the inside

- gonna be real confessing takes a longer time than anyone on this list like even eren and Reiner because he is so scared of rejection and losing the friendship you have he holds it so close to him

- it’s extremely important since it’s not often he ever likes somebody? Plus you make him feel the happiest he’s ever felt like? Honestly he cannot do without you man

- when he finally does (thanks to Jean and Sasha pushing him to do so) he’s a blushing mess

- dating him though is wonderful, he’s attached to you at the hip, you guys are always together he hates being separated

- it’s annoying for everyone else though

- if you’re not around for some reason he doesn’t stfu about you

- he gets sad when you guys are apart ;(

- cheek kisses are often since they’re easy to give (it’s likely he’s shorter than you so just... easy cheek kiss... or because of the huge burst of height he gets as he ages he’s extremely taller and again cheek kisses are easy)

- loves hugging you, or just having his arms engulfed around you in some way

- terrible pickup lines? Absolutely. He’s mainly joking but sometimes he’s being serious

- before he’d do anything to make you laugh it’s even moreso now that you’re dating

- hand holding is often

- he is good at comforting you if need it

- would like to just be held after a tough day

- likes to hug you from behind

- loves kissing your hands <3

- my god if anyone is blushy it is Jean but I think we know this based off his interaction with mikasa

- cannot stop staring at you, at least Connie has some control and is just not aware of it. Jean is aware of his staring but has no self control.

- unlike Connie who has the confidence to jokingly flirt Jean doesn’t have that confidence. Acts like a cocky bastard but actually isn’t.

- probably says he made a move, or that he’s going to but hasnt and everyone knows it

- gets extremely nervous around you, palms sweaty, knees weak (arms are heavy)

- if you ever got hurt, protective mode (especially if it was to protect him cuz Christ he will lose it)

- scared to lose you, he lost Marco he doesn’t wanna lose you too

- he loves you so much, its come to the point where he can’t live without you. If you died he wouldn’t know what to do and he would probably go crazy without you around

- he’s always worried about you and watching out for you

- probably really jealous even before dating you, he’s constantly worried other people will have a better chance with you (if he noticed somebody else likes you he is all on that, he knows)

- he will try to impress you, also because of his jealousy but still. He wants to prove he can be good for you romantically

- so he’s constantly playing up how strong he is until you kick his ass in a fight

- however despite how nervous he gets around you, after some time he eventually is kinda himself. He doesn’t wanna seem like a dick around you so he acts overly nice but eventually you get close enough to where he can be himself

- likes to tease you sometimes

- probably calls you an idiot, especially if you are one or act like one at all. He don’t mean it but you know that.

- eventually will confess, because he’s sick of Sasha and connies teasing and lame attempts to be wingmen

- they’re so obvious abt it btw Sasha will just be there like “hey Jean y/n looks very cute today don’t you think so?” And Connie just nudges him, “yeah tell them how cute they are today, I think they look adoraaable” and he’s like “yes you’re very cute today” and then they just leave and make it awkward for you both

- when he tells you how he feels he’s stuttering so much, it’s painful

- dating Jean is still awkward, he’s still nervous but moreso that he might fuck up somehow and you’ll break it off with him

- eventually yeah, cuddlebug

- loves hugs

- clingy af

- mans can cook, you already know he cooking you something as much as he can

- loves giving you forehead kisses if you’re shorter, if not then cheek kisses are cool too

- before you dated he’d probably try to nervously compliment you and just stutter and die inside, in fact there was a time he didn’t talk to you at all because he never knew what to say

- he tries not to impress you as much but still does and is a jealous boy but less jealous cuz you’re dating him

- he needs constant reassurance

- he’s such a sweetheart deep down he is willing to do so much for you

- still calls you an idiot or any other nickname but more comfortable with it now that you’re dating and likes teasing you

- also eventually tells you how much he loves and cares for you, and tells you the extents of his love

- he loves always being around you and gets annoyed when Sasha and Connie tag along but you probably don’t mind

- he loves you though so he’s like . Ok

- he’ll follow you wherever you go tbh

- he’s also a blushy boy at times, especially if you’re in close proximity in some way

- complimenting him? Do you want him to pass out?

- I feel like people act like he’s overly mean to his crush but I don’t think he’d be mean. He’d try really hard to get along with them to the point where he might act like he likes the same stuff they do

- he’s clingy in general w/ you. Honestly not being around you for even a little feels like forever. Sometimes it’s just months before he can see you again, that hurts him ;(

- he’s such a softie deep down I can’t

- super protective as well (again I think everyone in aot is but mannn porco is so protective)

- he has seen some shit he knows what happens to people and he doesn’t want it happening to you

- very loyal to you tbh

- will find any excuse to touch you physically even if it puts a blush on his face, the first time he did he died but still... he liked the feeling and doesn’t ever wanna miss that feeling

- wraps an arm around you “casually” and “friendly” like all the time

- since him and pieck are pretty much always together, now it’s the three of you that are always together

- pieck finds it sweet though, and loves that he has somebody he could care for as much as he does

- ofc she tries to wingman, whenever he’s not around she asks you what you think of him. If you think of him as something more or what

- it’s because of one of your talks with pieck about porco does she finally encourage porco to tell you how he feels

- it takes awhile, he’s mainly worried of rejection or that he’ll lose you while you’re dating

- when you’re dating though, an arm around you at all times. If not holding your hand. (Ofc if you’re not currently discussing important matters)

- but yeah doesn’t mind pda, just not too much

- holds your hand if he is not having an arm around you

- kisses you like a lot, ofc when nobody else is around (or just pieck is around) but yknow

- he’s clingy, likes spending alone time w/ you but again wouldn’t mind if pieck was there

- gabi loves aww’ing at you guys and tbh so does pieck

- it does embarrass him sometimes but he loves you so he deals with it

- speaking of love he loves to remind you how much you mean to him and how much he loves you, he is not making the mistake of not letting you know how much he adores you

- teases tf outta you, like Jean would call you nicknames like idiot or something but he adores you too much for mean nicknames

- to make up for it he has pet names

- he’s also pretty jealous too btw

- make him feel better with lots of smooches

- he likes squishing your cheeks, surprisingly doesn’t mind if you do the same to him =)

- when cuddling he puts his face in either your chest or neck and peppers little kisses there

- pickup lines .. yeah they’re so bad he doesn’t care as long as they make you either blush or laugh

- low key just ... gently holds you, he loves u so much he’s so soft

[numbaoneflaya]

I got a lot for you, you don't have to answer all of these 💀. 2, 4, 8, 21, 35, and 50 for Jilly. 3, 7, 10, 41, and 64 for Valkya. And 6, 7, 14, 25, and 52 for Mike. And a large fry 😁

I FINALLY DID ITTTTTT IM SORRY FOR THE WAIT!! all under the cut bcs ofc its LONG

JILLY

2. What are their favourite possessions? Why? (sentimentality, history, price, etc)

-She has 2 stuffed ferrets shes had since she was little :) she calls them stinker and slinker and she loves them so much. Also a collection of friendship bracelets she pretty much makes matching ones for everyone she likes and wears them in rotation.

4. Are they a good gift-giver? What do they tend to give as gifts? -Jilly LOVES gift giving bcs she naturally hoards and steals shit and then ends up with too much shit, so what better to do with it than give to friends?? You're likely to get anything she can swipe that reminds her of u. Tries to vary it to suit whoever shes giving a gift to but her go to is something like stuffed animals and jewelry bcs thats what she likes best

8. What does their dream house look like?

-She would like an at home gym with giant climbable pillars and hoops and obstacles, or just a house with a lot of land and forest she can run around in. She's also way a fan of hidden passages and secret hiding places, anything she can snoop and weasel around in. No scary basement tho

21. What’s their ideal date like?

-Carnival or theme park! Anything with lots of action and noise and prizes. Shed want to play all the games for hours straight and go on all the biggest rides.

36. Do they trust easily? What would you have to do to earn their trust?

-Yes she trusts easily :/ mayhaps too easily. Her way of thinking is innocent until proven guilty and even then, it takes a looooot to make her start to doubt someone because she wants to believe everyone has good intentions. To earn her trust, being nice to her and other ppl is the easiest way, but she's also prone to trust you if you seem secure somehow or just in charge like a position of authority.

50. Why would they be a good partner for a road trip?

-Snacks. On demand. She packs every snack and drink you could ever hope for and stashes up on blankets and pillows too. The type to wanna play my spy and car games and to sing along really loudly to music. WILL stick her head out the window sometimes. Will want to stop at every roadside attraction. Just for fun the reason she might be a bad roadtrip partner is that she talks a lot. And will be loudly singing and sticking her head out the window. And after a while the car will start to smell vaguely of ferret and she might shed.

--------

VALKYA

3. Do they get jealous easily? If so, what usually causes it?

-Shes really not a jealous person at all, especially not romantically. Shes pretty chill in general. Even so, some times she gets jealous of all the time other people get to spend with Naryu. If Valkya feels like someone else is being prioritized over her shes more likely to act out like a baby ggdghdf

7. What’s their “type”? What romantically attracts them to another person?

-Women who could kill her and men who are pathetic, but shes open to anything. Has a thing for nerds, goths, vampires, werewolves, short people, assassins, and most importantly people who are easy to fluster. She will bone anything that moves

10. What’s a simple thing that brings them joy?

-Finishing a good book, especially a series. When shes not in life threatening danger or fucked up out of her mind shes a pretty avid reader. She likes having the free time to sit around a fireplace and snuggle up with a book, though she'll deny it if caught and say she doesnt know how to read hgfdgsd.

41. What would they dress up as for Halloween?

-Demetria 💀 shed just steal her clothes and stretch TF out of em gsdgdfhsd. Or dress up as herself bcs who needs originality when your famous?

64. Describe what their social media would be like.

- Random memes from the last century all mixed up, millions of selfies and nudes out of nowhere. Drunk posting at 4 am and getting into fights w Dem over dumb shit, subtweeting everyone to start drama. Has thousands of followers and does giveaways of shit she finds lying around her house for no reason but shes bored

-----------------

MIKE

6. Do they prefer to have a big social circle, or a few close friends?

-Shed prefer to have a few close friends as long as they ride or die. Most likely die tho. Shes desperate for frienship shell stalk someone to get to know them really well and then delude herself into thinking theyr besties. Sometimes it doesnt go well but she still gets a meal out of it even if shes sad

7. What’s their “type”? What romantically attracts them to another person?

-Someone who looks like they're up for fun! Really into alt fashion and people who seem like they dont give a shit. Confidence, fighters, rebels, anyone she can party hard with. Likes people who are interesting and is especially interested in befriending other killers, they have so much to bond about!

14. Who do they go to in a crisis/emergency? Any particular reason why they choose that person?

-Probably Zeke tbh. Since she turned him hes like the only other vamp besides prim she knows and hes always pretty level headed. Probably goes to him for advice on how to make friends and hes like “maybe dont break into ppls houses and drain their victims out of nowhere :/” and shes like “that was ONE TIME and it worked!!”

25. What are their dreams like?

-All chaotic! Theres seldom ever a storyline or anything, just bright colors and random things happening and an overlying sense of panic or dread. Like those images you look at to understand what having a stroke is like, everything is off color and melting and shes usually running away from something. Typically nightmares but about nothing in particular, just disconnected sounds shapes and figures.

52. What topic should nobody bring up around them, lest the other person be subject to a massive ramble/rant?

-ANYTHING to do with twilight. She knows everything about it. Has seen and read is 12 times over and can quote it directly at any time, do not attempt to argue twilight with her. Diehard team Edward forever. If your tied up and somehow the topic of it comes up just pray she kills you soon bcs she will go on for hours and bring out her annotated copies and force you to go through them with her.

[zigtheeortega]

ride or die playlist

by @pixeljazzy and @zigtheeortega

so after pj made this post, and was encouraged by @choicesarehard to make a playlist for rodaw, i reached out to her and we decided to collab! this is a comprehensive playlist, with explanations for each song. some being the lyrics fit really well, but others are because the vibe fits the characters (in our opinion), not necessarily the song meaning.

putting the song explanations under the cut, since it’ll be long! songs picked by pj have [p] next to it and mine have [j] next to it! hope you enjoy it!

Logan

What You Know Bout Love, Pop Smoke [p]

I had to apply the pressure, ‘cause you my hidden treasure / I think I’m falling in love 

Are we surprised this song is first? C’mon now. Anyway, literally when I heard it for the first time, I was like this is the love song that I could see someone just vibing to in a car with their partner, at a house party in the corner serenading their boo, etc. and then BOOM a vision of Hieron and Logan in a car appeared because I could totally see this as their vibe. Just the thought of Logan rapping this line to Hieron clears my skin.

[p.s. pj wrote a fic based on this song and it’s perfect you should read it]

The Way, Trippie Redd ft. Russ [p]

We’re lost but, babe, we found the way

Because Logan and MC are two teens are a mess lowkey and don’t know what they want from life quite yet but they know they got it together.

Think About Me, dvsn [p]

This song is just radiating Logan and MC parting ways vibes

FIND MY WAY, DaBaby [p]

I feel like as Logan is driving away from MC to god knows where, this is something he’d definitely drive to

Seasons, 6lack ft. Khalid [p]

You’re lucky the greatest thing I can do is marry you / ‘cause if I could, I’d spill my blood

I absolutely adore this slow, chill song, and feel like this is something MC and Logan would be listening to as they unwind in their loft, and with the favorite line, I think it encapsulates how much Logan truly loves and would do anything for MC

Idfc, blackbear [p]

This is giving me Logan vibes after the reveal where MC leaves the shop and he’s just reeling in his emotions and feelings and is just purely in his bag thinking about everything

Hide, Juice WRLD ft. Seezyn [p]

Really think I found my home, shorty made me feel at home

Think I met my soulmate, yeah, I know it

Dusk Till Dawn, ZAYN ft. Sia [p]

But you’ll never be alone / I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn / I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn / Baby, I’m right here

This song hurts me so so much but it’s giving me MC sleeping on Logan’s chest type of vibes while he’s up because he can’t sleep and he’ . Also reminds me of Logan because we all know that infamous line “I was just a rock in space lucky enough to burn up in your atmosphere for a moment,” and I feel like this was an unspoken if you look to the stars you’ll know I’m always with you type beat.

Fool In Love, Rihanna [p]

Mama, I found a man / who loves me and understands / papa, he’s quite a man / he adores me, he’s my biggest fan

Okay so y’all remember how MC was having a mini identity crisis and didn’t know which version of herself she was? And Logan was listening and understanding and processing everything she was ranting about but in the end was just like no matter which one you decide, I like all of you? Yeah, that. Along with him just supporting her whenever he can, even though sometimes it can be overbearing, and him just loving watching her change and grow before his eyes (even though we not gonna mention the part of him that doesn’t love that change, feeling guilty for the person she’s becoming and how it could change her life, and the initial intentions he had although how he feels now is genuine) is literally what I think about with these lines

And don’t get me wrong, I know he’s not perfect in your eyes / but somehow he’s flawless in mine

Papa, did I let you down? / Are you ashamed of how your little girl turned out?

This is the lyric that really gets me because one of the things I loved about Ride or Die was the complicated relationship MC had with her father as it was something that resonated so strongly with me. So this one right here really just encapsulates an aspect of that because when MC’s on her this is who I am now and I know you resent that because he genuinely is so hurt and in shock of how his girl changed before his eyes, beyond the reigns of control that he once had, and he can’t do anything else but process and accept that his little girl isn’t so little anymore, rolling around with the people he tried so hard to keep her away from.

Roll Dice, Roddy Rich [j]

I seen the Reap’ come / Live my life I had to roll dice / Been through strife, my heart is cold as ice

I’m a star, I’m just hidden in the low light

Pretty explanatory, considering Logan’s been through a considerable amount of situations that put him in harm’s way and he’s come out stronger (and considerably more detached) each time.

Story Of Us, Tinashe [j]

Yeah, you’re the prince of my heart / And now there ain’t no way they can keep us apart, keep us apart

This song reminds me of Logan and MC a lot because it’s an optimistic take on their relationship as a whole and the sad ending.

You Know That I Love You, Donnell Jones [j]

You know that I love you / And that ain’t gon’ change / And though you’re not here with me now / My love for you stays the same

I think Logan would listen to R&B, specifically sappy 90’s R&B, and this line reminds me of them perfectly. I mean just listen to it, it’s perfect.

My Favorite Part, Mac Miller & Ariana Grande [j]

Said, you just don’t know how beautiful you are / And baby that’s my favorite part / You walk around so clueless to it all / Like nobody gonna break your heart

Said, the universe couldn’t keep us apart / Why would it even try?

Before things come together, they have to fall apart

Logan says from the get go that he thinks it’s wild that MC is modest and that he’s surprised she hadn’t gotten a lot of attention from guys. The other song lyrics I mentioned remind me a lot of their separation.

Colt

Me And My Girlfriend, Tupac Shakur [j]

Lost in the whirlwind, ninety-six, Bonnie and Clyde / Me and my girlfriend, do one-eighty-five when we ride

All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend / Down to ride to the bloody end, just me and my girlfriend

So it’s canon that Colt likes West Coast rap – and this song absolutely embodies Colt’s musical interests and his relationship with MC. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but he definitely heard this song and thought of MC.

Something Special, Pop Smoke [p]

I think you’re something special / I’ll take you on a shopping spree

We all know Colt is the king of LA and can definitely buy him and MC anything they want, also the “her father the police” verse quite literally hit the nail on the head

Martin & Gina, Polo G [p]

He was playing games / Got you dancing in the middle of the club

At first, saw this as a Logan and MC song to listen to in the car, but if you’re like me and was romancing Logan but danced in the club with Colt because Logan was being distant, the lyrics just do it for me

Hit ‘Em Up, Tupac Shakur [p]

You couldn’t tell us Colt wouldn’t love this song, we’re not accepting criticism at this time

Pulling Me Back, Chingy ft. Tyrese [j]

Every time I try to leave / Something keeps pulling me back, me back / Telling me I need you in my life / It was meant to be / You were meant for me / So that means we gotta make it work

This song reminds me a lot of Colt’s feelings towards MC, because in the lyrics they’re not mentioning they necessarily love her, they’re just gravitating towards her, realizing they need her. And that’s exactly how Colt works through his feelings.

Loveeeeeee Song, Rihanna ft. Future [j]

Boy lately, you been stingy with your time / Got me wondering, I’m wondering if I’m on your mind / Boy I just wanna be in your possession / You say I’m the one you want so come express it

Yeah, we all know Colt wasn’t straightforward with his feelings but is more prone to expressing himself physically, and I think this song feels like a confession of her own qualms with him but recognizing that she’s alright with him being physical over verbal. Honestly it’s probably not that deep but this song reminds me of Colt x MC so much.

Complicated, Rihanna [j]

Why is everything with you so complicated / Why do you make it hard to love you / Oh I hate it / ‘Cause if you really wanna be alone / I, will throw my hands up ‘Cause baby I tried

God this whole song is Colt and MC all over because he’s so wishy washy and doesn’t express himself properly.

90210, Travis Scott [j]

I think Colt and Logan would bump this and that’s my only reasoning.

Changed Up, Rae Sremmurd [j]

I think Logan and Colt both alike would bump this in their car and maybe relate to the lyrics and the general vibe of it.

Demons and Angels, A Boogie With a Hoodie ft. Juice WRLD [p]

I’m from the West Side, know not to play with us, yeah

I think I’m addicted to this lifestyle, I swear

Colt is quite literally from the West Side, and the ‘I think I’m addicted to this lifestyle’ line is what really stood out to me because Colt wanted nothing than to be a part of his father’s life and legacy, and Kaneko wanted to keep that separate from him because he knew Colt would be all in.

Run This Town, Jay-Z ft. Rihanna [p]

Does this need an explanation because you already know Colt is running the fuck outta LA thank you for tuning in

Mona

Ungodly Hour, Chloe x Halle [j]

You know that I’ve, I heard it all before / You’re hesitant, wish you could give me more

I don’t have the time / To teach you how to love all over again / Now let me ask you this / Are you giving all that you could give?

This is Mona and MC all over. She was clear about being hurt by an ex, and that it was hard for her to open up to MC in the first place, let alone fall for her. So this is like a confessional from MC to Mona.

Te Amo, Rihanna [j]

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around my waist / I told her no, she cried Te amo / I told her I’m not gonna run away, but let me go / My soul is awry and without asking why / I said Te amo

The lyrics are sad but this reminds me of Mona and MC, too. There’s a lot of push and pull with Mona, so I think this describes their back and forth so well.

Scared of Love, Juice WRLD [p]

Not scared to love, just scared of love

I initially put this in the Logan section, but I think it’s more fitting for Mona because she put up these walls to avoid putting herself at risk in the process of giving someone her all after the last girl played her, but underneath it all, she’s still capable to love even though she may think she’s undeserving of it from MC or that love in itself is a scam.

ball w/o you, 21 Savage [p] [and j bc our minds are linked]

I’d rather have loyalty than love / ‘Cause love don’t really mean jack / See love is just a feeling / You can love somebody and still stab them in they back

This is giving me Mona and her ex vibes, and just how Mona is a very everyone for themselves type of person so she has no problem balling by herself because that’s what she expects in the end.

Escape, Akon and Wizkid [p]

We can run away / so far away, escape

Oh, my baby, oh, baby / I would never let you go

Okay I know our songs for Mona have been sad lately, but this reminds me of them because Mona said MC would be hard asf to forget and I already know MC is scrambling to find a solution, a possibility, where Mona didn’t have to go to jail and they’d be able to be together, hence ‘escape’.

Escape, Kehlani [p]

Strange for me to wanna love someone / Who’s better by themselves

‘Cause I can’t let you lose yourself, looking for me / And I can’t let you make me your, your everything

I know you see this escape theme I’m on here LMFAOO but I think this is in Mona’s perspective about MC because she’s like MC is a goody two shoes, new to this life, etc. just overall someone with a better future than me and I don’t wanna mess that up for them (hence the I’m dangerous and pushing her away in the beginning and all the warnings).

Acquainted, The Weeknd [p]

Baby, you’re no good / Cause they warned me ‘bout your type girl, I’ve been ducking left and right

To say that we’re in love is dangerous / But girl I’m so glad we’re acquainted

Can’t Remember to Forget You, Shakira ft. Rihanna [p and j]

I can’t remember to forget you / I keep forgetting I should let you go

“You’re gonna be damn hard to forget.”

This is so Mona because it’s both flexible in meaning with her ex and MC. 

MC

Don’t Make It Harder On Me, Chloe x Halle [j]

If you keep acting so sweet / I might just wake up and leave / This boy that I pinky swore / We’d be together for sure / I can’t be thinking of you / When I’m alone with my boo / If you smile at me again / I may do something stupid

Gives me Logan/Colt/Mona love triangle type vibes!

Who Can I Run To, Xscape [j]

Who can I run to, to share this empty space? / Who can I run to, When I need love? / Who can I run to, to fill this empty space with laughter?

After her li’s leave this def gives me those bittersweet vibes like when they all leave L.A., including MC for college.

Aston Martin Music, Rick Ross [j]

Bobbin’ to the music / This is how we do it, all night / Breezin’ down the freeway / Just me and my baby

Would’ve came back for you / I just needed time to do what I had to do / Caught in the life / I can’t let it go / Whether that’s right I won’t ever know

This reminds me of another bittersweet moment like MC is reflecting on her favorite times with her LI, but also acknowledging that her LI can’t be 100% loyal to her because of her lifestyle

Love Without Tragedy / Mother Mary, Rihanna [j]

Brown eyes, tuxedo, fast cars / A James Dean on the low, Dean on the low

Who knew the course of this one drive / Injured us fatally

Let’s live in the moment / As long as we got each other / Die in the moment / I’m prepared to die in the moment / ‘Cause even forever ain’t forever

This entire song fits for all the LI’s (despite the lyrics saying “boy” it works for all of them perfectly. I just picked a couple lyrics to prove it!

Question Existing, Rihanna [j]

Who am I living for?/ Is this my limit?/ Can I endure some more?/ Chances I’m given, question existing

Reminds me of when MC was torn between loyalty to her father and Jason Shaw and MPC at the same time.

Bed of Lies, Nicki Minaj ft. Skylar Grey [p]

This is 100% MC after the reveal.

Change Your Life, Kehlani ft. Jhene Aiko [p and j]

I heard that you a gangsta / Not one to try to save her / Always focus on your paper / Don't got time to wager with your heart

You deserve someone that'll take you to another level

The lyrics to this song fit so well with all of the LI’s. Definitely addresses all of the LI’s reluctance to be with MC and MC’s pursuit of them.

Serial Lover, Kehlani [p and j]

Lord knows / My intentions are pure and my heart full of gold, oh

This song fits MC’s relationship with all of the LI’s, especially when there’s conflict between them. MC is miles more transparent with her feelings than Logan, Colt, and Mona.

She’s So Gone, Naomi Scott [p]

So it looks like the joke’s on you / ‘cause the girl that you thought you knew / She’s so gone

You can look but you won’t see the girl I used to be, ‘cause she / she’s so gone, away / like history

Yes this is from Lemonade Mouth and yes I feel like this embodies MC perfectly!

Misc.

(this includes Ximena, Toby, side characters, the overall vibe of ROD, etc.)

Tints, Anderson .Paak ft. Kendrick Lamar [j]

Ridin’, ridin’, round that open street / I need tints / I need my windows tinted / I can’t be flying down that 110 with a bad bitch in my whip / I need tints

This reminds me a lot of Ximena and Toby because they’re so chill and carefree compared to the rest of the crew, and this song embodies that.

Nascar, Roddy Ricch [p]

Honestly, heard this song and thought I’d be perfect for another side show, or a racing song

We Don’t Luv Em, HoodRich Pablo Juan [p]

Another side show/racing song

DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love, Usher [p]

I feel like this could’ve played at the club depending on the vibe they were going for, and even if they weren’t, I feel like the club was a very romantically charged event so the DJ had errbody falling in love (MC and whoever, Toby and the guy he went off to dance with, etc.)

break da law, 21 Savage [p]

Me and my dawgs break laws

This is Kaneko and the crew, even though Kaneko would never call them his dawgs, but you get the gist.

Trust Nobody, Lil Wayne ft. Adam Levine [p]

I don’t trust nobody, not my lovers, not my friends / I don’t make no promises ‘cause I know just how they’ll end / I don’t trust nobody, I don’t need nobody else / And as messed up as it sounds, I don’t even trust myself, yeah

This hurts me because the song talks about not being able to trust people in general so I feel like this has been Logan all his life, Mona after she was betrayed, and Colt after the death of his father (minus the don’t trust my lover part because obviously they are whipped for MC and you can’t change my mind).

Undercover, Kehlani [p]

You know they don’t wanna see us together / But it don’t matter, no, ‘cause I got you

Baby, they don’t wanna see me be happy / ‘Cause they ain’t happy, no -- they don’t got you

So this is MC with all the LI’s because everybody (Riya, Darius, her dad, etc.) thinks everyone in the crew is bad news but no matter who MC is with, they’re happy with them regardless of what everyone thinks.

Party Monster, The Weeknd [p]

Okay, this might seem really weird, but I feel like this is a song that would play in the background as the crew would plan or orchestrate a heist you know like the camera panning to different people just really focused on that they’re doing like there’s some camera work going on in my head that I wish I could properly articulate but I hope you guys see the vision.

Shut Up and Drive, Rihanna [p and j]

This is self explanatory.

[shijiujun]

this is very random but i’m feeling kind of frustrated/confused now and i truly regard you as fandom jiejie so i would like to rant a bit and seek your advice(?) recently, i found out that i got blocked by another tumblr that’s quite popular in the cql fandom for creating gifs etc. i don’t know who the person is and have never interacted with the blog; i only found out because i couldn’t reblog the person’s post (which i saw on my feed because someone i followed reblogged it). i was curious why but i realized that the person is probably against mxtx/danmei books etc, which i sometimes post about, for i guess homophobic/fetishizing reasons? but i’ve never followed or interacted so i’m really not sure why i got “noticed” like that. anyway, like i respect the person’s choices and rights to block people, but i haven’t been in the fandom for long and basically never encountered something like this before, so i’m slightly bothered by it. i’m guessing it’s quite common and i know i should probably just ignore/avoid the person (since they blocked me anyway) but i’m too easily affected. how do you usually deal with people like that? thank you.

oh oh hi! hahaha damn am i fandom jiejie?!?!?! sarah is my fandom jiejie ;-; 

anyway oomph sorry you found out about the block from that specific person and are feeling terrible about it! not easy to realize you’re blocked by someone

ehhh actually there can be a few reasons why ppl block i mean in general:

1. it could be an accident, tumblr fucks up q regularly

2. users have beef against each other (unavoidable, i mean we’re placing a lot of opinionated ppl squeezed into a room)

3. you just dont wanna see their stuff or opinions on your blog - i mean this is very understandable, whether out of like genuine like damn this is really not content i wanna see or i really hate the subject matter - both ways go and unfortunately-

unfortunately, it’s all part and parcel of being on social media and on an online space! i know this is hard to hear but everyone escapes to their blogs or accounts right and especially on tumblr where everything is slightly more curated, people create their blogs and create content for mostly themselves first - and we all do things to make sure our dashes stay the way we want them to look 

i for one use the block button very liberally - sometimes just because i disagree with someone and feel that there is just no way i can see their further posts on the matter, or you know, when i get triggered with pet peeves hahahaa sadly i am that kind of person XD i come onto my blog to be happy, and if anything makes me the slightest bit annoyed/uncomfortable, i don’t feel guilty at all about using the button 

i’ve also blocked for my own sanity for e.g. if a blog i see keeps reblogging the same post in the span of 48 hours (talking about like more than five times, and i’m personally totally okay if it’s a timezone reblog for fics or psas or infos!) for notes i mean, their blog, they can do whatever they want and i am in no place to judge, but it made me really competitive and i felt like it was really toxic to keep staring at notes so i blocked for my own sake because i have zero impulse control

and sometimes it’s personal, sometimes it’s not! in your case i think it may help? idk, because these things are stressful and i don’t deal well with like anger HAHAHAHA:

1. don’t take it personally and don’t think too much about it or about why or what you posted that could have made them block you - this blog is for you. and the ppl who follow you in a sense, so if anyone is unhappy that’s on them to block etc. - and don’t think about you getting ‘noticed’, posts turn up in searches all the time as well and it could just have been a particular post 

2. blocking in my opinion is so much better than the user coming to fight with you via anon or rallying other ppl to bully you for your posts online - trust me, this gets ugly, and if it ever happens you’ll wish they used the block button instead - we should be happy there’s a block button! in fact i’d like a mute button like on twitter - i like this blog but this blog’s posts for now idw to see but i still like their overall stuff just not during this period when this bij is gg mad over shan he ling (i’m talking about others when thinking about me btw HAHAHAHA) - blocking is like “i reject you but politely tyvm” rather than “here’s why i rejected you and you must hear all the reasons and i will add more once you fight back”

yep, not pleasant at all

*also gonna take the opportunity to remind peeps to pls block me if your other alternative is to sneak into my ask box for a fight or write a vague personal post hating on me tyvm, 慢走不送*

3. we can’t please everybody!!! idk either ppl ignore me, or at least half of them may have blocked me - i dont blame em hahahaa i do get into ask fights when anons especially come into my ask box looking for one HAHAHA - i mean, i use the block, can’t expect others not to, but just have to get used to ppl just blocking i think!

4. of course if a blog i follow and like blocked me i’d definitely be sad but... what can you or i do? 

5. all content is fine as long as it’s made with thought i feel - all opinions are good as long as they are made with thought and also you and i for that matter are able to stand behind it when someone comes knocking so like obviously if something hurtful is said, then the following angry responses may be expected, but also if you’ve put thought into your posts (i don’t mean like thought THOUGHT but more like when u post anything that can be controversial for e.g. or could potentially be hurtful it’s always good to kind of adjust a little before posting anything) then you should just stand behind your own posts and be who you are online

6. it’s too much to speculate on why ppl do anything, just blog and be happy :DDD

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you feel guilty? if yes, why so? There’s a few things I feel guilty about, but I don’t feel like getting into any of it right now.

Has someone you cared about moved recently? No.

Do you know the band DiscoToTheStars? If you like Nickasaur, NeverShoutNever, shit like that, you should look them up. I’m not familiar with them and I don’t feel like looking them up. I know of NeverShoutNever, but I haven’t listened to them in like a decade.

Are you trying hard in life? No. :/

Do you need to brush your teeth? Not at this moment.

Does your tongue hurt? No.

Where are you?. I’m in my room sitting on my bed.

Are you sad? That’s just who I am, man.

Do you like xbox? I have played one in years.

Do you eat peanut butter? Yeah. I haven’t had any in awhile, though. Now that I think of it it’s probably been a few years. :O

How many fingers do you have? 10. I’m not counting thumbs separate.

Will you be mad at me if i don't make this survey very long? Um, no. I’ll be fine.

Does your tummy hurt? Not at the moment.

Who do you sit with at lunch? I’m not in school. I rarely have lunch these days, but if I do I’m either eating in bed or with my mom. 

Were you wrong all along? Yep. 

Tell me a story about a stupid kid. : Uh, what?

Have you seen "Ferrets" on YouTube?. No.

I fucking hate Rihanna, do you? No. I don’t have anything against her as a person and I like a lot of her songs.

Are you the only person awake right now? In my house, yes.

Do you feel alone? Sometimes. Not so much physically, though sometimes, but more so in other ways.

Are you itchy? No.

Do you need to wash your face? No.

Do you want animals when you grow up? . I’ve had a pet(s) throughout my life. I currently have my 3 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia.

Do you have an annoying old grandmother? No. I had a great relationship with both my grandmothers, but sadly my maternal grandmother passed away over a decade ago. She and I were really close. My paternal grandmother is still in my life and she’s very sweet and loving.

What year are you taking this? Good ol’ 2020....  -______-

Do you think the world will end in 2012? We’re still here in 2020, but barely.

What's your name? Stephanie.

Are you eating chicken? No. I’m not eating anything at the moment.

Do you like llamas? I LOVE LLAMAS! Sure.

Do you have pubic hair? Casually just throw this in among random questions about chicken, llamas, and ice cream. Okay then.

What's your favorite flavor ice-cream? Strawberry. I’ve answered this quite a bit lately. 

Have you made a survey before? Once, several years ago. I wish I could find it, but it was on Xanga. :(

What's the nearest rainbow object around you? I don’t have any.

Do you have a phone? i don't. Yes.

Do you like the new Myspace? Damn, this is old.

Who are you dating? Wanna tell me about them? I’m single. 

How would you like to kill someone? Um, I wouldn’t wtf. Should I be worried about you, survey maker?

Do you like to wear clothes? Yes. I don’t like being naked, I feel so uncomfortable. 

When's the last time you pooped? You are quite weird.

Are you wearing armpit perfume? Can i sniff? What did I get myself into...

Are you happy? No.

Pencils or markers? Uh, depends?

Do you draw, or sing? Nope.

Don't you hate hangnails? They’re the worst.

What kind of surveys do you like? Long with interesting and random questions. This one is a little too much at times, though.

Have you ever gave someone a hand/blow job? Received one? No.

Did it snow for you on Christmas? It doesn’t snow here. :(

What's the date? Sunday, October 25th, 2020.

Do you feel like a stalker? No, cause I’m not one.

What's worse? Getting a boner or your period in the middle of class? Both would likely be uncomfortable and embarrassing, I’m sure.

Do you read FML, MLIA, OMGFACTS, etc? I used to frequent FML and OMGFACTS back in the day.

Wanna Fuck? No, I’m good.

What's up? I’m listening to an ASMR video and trying to get through this survey.

Are you hungry? No, I ate like an hour ago.

What's your worst fear? Losing my loved ones, dying, getting worse/never getting better, never doing anything with my life... stuff like that. 

What's your favorite pattern? Plaid.

Ever seen a blue waffle? No, but then again I don’t often eat waffles, either. You’d just add food coloring, no? <<< Sadly, that’s not what it is. :X I hate that I know that.

Do you shop at Hot Topic? Yeah. I get majority of my graphic tees from there and their sister store, Boxlunch. 

What's your favorite song? I have numerous favorite songs.

How long is your penis? I don’t have one. Wow, a survey that actually didn’t assume the one taking it was female.

Do your boobs hang low? No. 

Do you ever replace the lyrics in songs to make them inappropriate? No, but I do the opposite of that.

Do you like the band Three Days Grace? Yeah.

I hate the new Gatorade shit, do you? Not sure what new Gatorade “shit” you were referring to.

Do you like ranting? I don’t like it, but it helps to do it sometimes. I like to save them for surveys and Twitter, ha.

Do you like pooping? Sigh.

Are you single? Yes.

So, i'm guessing your bored? Nope.

Do you go out to eat today? I’m not going anywhere today.

Have you ever thought about how the questions asked in a survey might reflect on what happened in the person asking’s life? Yes. I’ve definitely found myself thinking that during this survey.

Do you have fingernails? Yes. Barely, ha.

What's your opinion on Miley Cyrus? I don’t have an issue with her and I like some of her songs.

Do you know who Destry Moore is? Nope.

Can i have your number? Sure, it’s 555-5555. 

Do you know anyone nicknamed Booger? No. Reminds me of that movie, Revenge of the Nerds.

Am i entertaining you? I’m over this survey to be honest.

What's your gender? Female.

What did you call your privates when you were little?

Have you ever named a penis? Do you have a penis? There’s still a lot left to this survey and I’m over it omg.

What's your favorite smiley face? :)

Have you ever worn silly bands? Yeah.

Do you cut yourself? No.

Need a friend? We could be friends. No thank you. 

is this survey getting to long for you? Yes. What's your favorite name? Alexander.

What's your current mood? Tired and blah.

How loud do you like your music? I don’t like it blaring, just a comfortable level to enjoy it. Some may be a little louder than others.

Do you like toast? Sure.

Do you like the band "A Day To Remember" ? I’m familiar with them, but I can’t think of a song of theirs.

Do you have AIDS ? No. Wow, you’re quite invasive.

Are you awkward? Pfft, awkward is my middle name. <<< Saaaame.

Can you joke about rape? Wowww. What's your favorite type of drink? Mine is monster. Coffee and Starbucks Doubleshot energy drnk.

What kind of heart do you make on the computer? <3

Does blood interest you? Nooo. I’m too squeamish and it makes me feel faint. 

Have you realized that there are enough surveys on here for you to never be bored? Well, I’ve been doing them for like 15 years, so I guess so. Although, I’m sure a lot are repeats. And the questions are sure repetitive. 

Do you have a laptop? Yes, which is what I’m on.

Do you have good eye sight? With my glasses on.

How many burnt cds do you have? None anymore. I used to have a ton. I loved making them.

Are you good at English? Yes.

Do you like bands like BrokenCYDE and Blood on the Dance Floor? Never heard of ‘em.

Do you have a favorite movie? I have many. Color? Pastels, rose gold, mint green, coral, and yellow.

Number? Eight.

Have you ever seen a penis? Mhm.

Are you bi-sexual? No.

What do you think about gay people? Um, I think they’re people who are attracted to the same gender. 

Do you believe in God? I do.

Do you like snoop dog? I’ve liked a few songs of his.

Are you horny? No.

Do you like ham? I like oven baked ham with gravy, but not deli ham. I’m weird, I know.

Does Stacyes mom, really have it going on? To him she did.

Do you have dandruff? Not so much anymore. I did when I was younger.

When your watching a video, does it bother if you can see the cursor? I’d likely move it.

is your computer slow? : No.

Do you miss your boyfriend? I’m single.

Do you have toes? Yes.

Are you fucking sick? I'm fucking sick. I’m not feeling well.

Do you want to puke? No.

What color are your knees? The color of my skin.

Are what age did you realize that knees was spelt with a k? I can’t exactly pinpoint the time.

Do you like twist ties? They can be useful.

Do you trust a hoe? I know this is a 3OH!3 reference. I can tell by your vibe.

Are you a vegetarian? Nope.

Will you forgive me for not being able to spell? I don’t care, man. 

TV or Youtube? I like both. I do watch quite a bit of YouTube, though.

Do you live with your grandparents? No. 

Do you hate your family? Nooo. I love my family.

Do you like applesauce? Sure. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had any, though.

is Bzoink the only survey site you can find on the internet? I never use Bzoink to find surveys. I get majority from others on here, but occasionally I’ll go to LiveJournal. I haven’t had to do that in awhile, though.

Do you use smiley faces? Yeah. I don’t go crazy with them, but I use them as I see fit.

Do you like TECHNO?!!?!?!?!?!!??!!!?!?! Not sure why you typed it that way, but nah.

Are you a retarded seal? I hope you’ve grown up and educated yourself since making this survey.

Are you sexy? Nope.

[lettersandinkstains]

🌼💐💠🍁 // & have a bunch of hearts too, bc u deserve 'em!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

hrjhfjdkhds you are so sweet, Livvy!!

🌼 Your OCs are delightfully multidimensional. Do you have any tips for writers who’re trying to give their characters more depth?

A few things:

People watch. Like, 100%. This can help you figure out how people naturally talk (since we don’t always talk in a formal type of english, ya know?), and transcribe what the people near you are saying and add in description of how they’re sitting / standing, how they’re holding themself. Etc. You could also write a story about this person -- make up what you think their life is like outside of the brief moment you have with them.

Nothing is black and white. Your characters, even if they’re great heroes of far away lands and beat up bad guys and save the princess, need flaws. Nobody is ever 100% morally pure. Your hero could tell little white lies, or maybe they’re bad at cleanliness. People can also easily be contradictory and be someone else, depending on who they’re with. Hell, they could always be late to meetings or dates. Give them flaws, give them ideologies you may not agree with.

Put them in difficult situations. Sure, you control the characters because you’re the author -- however, you can develop your characters very easily if they’re met with a hard situation. For example, Zephyr kills the queen at the end of So Said the King, this goes against Ayathia’s pacifist beliefs and their own morals -- for Zeph, this affects them throughout the second book, added on keeping it a secret from Sage. This causes them to develop a little bit of a guilt complex, and they have to work through it and work up to telling Sage of what they did. (tl;dr: figure out how your character will develop in the situation).

Going from difficult situations to let your characters experience the consequences of their actions. Nothing says character development and character depth is them learning and suffering from the consequence of their actions. Bojack Horseman, as flawed as the show is, does a super good job of this. Your character lied about something important, okay. Let them eventually get caught. What happens?

Give them interests outside of the plot. My character, Lucija, loves to knit and sew. She’s also involved in LGBT+ rights in her country because they affect her as a person. Zephyr, while a prinxe and is supposed to inherit the throne one day, loves the sea and sailing. When it’s plot relevant or when you can, explore these interests. Let us see what else makes your characters excited (but don’t forget you have a story to write!).

Psychology. Okay, this one might be frustrating or boring or might not apply. When your character faces a traumatic event, they might not come out of it very mentally healthy. They might feel guilty for a long time (especially if this is a story where they’ve killed someone for the first time), they might suffer from depression. Explore their brain, explore how they react to these things. Let it become part of the plot in some way. For example, Aston killed his stepfather pre-story, this is something that follows him throughout, and is one of his driving motives (he needs money to pay for his little sister). He struggles with the guilt that came with killing his stepfather and not being able to protect his mother as a child. Aleks struggles with the fact she was bitten by a vampire.

Let their interests vary from yours.

Uhh. I think that’s it?? I’m sure there’s more, but that’s basically what I do!!

(everything else is under the read more because this got long)

💐 Your works are remarkably different from each other. How do you develop concepts that are so independently unique, especially when you have multiple WIPs?

I...don’t know, to be honest. I listen to a lot of music, which influences my stories. Glass Walls came from a dream and then for it, I tend to listen to a lot of punk bands such as Anti Flag and Rise Against (and also, political science major, which also influences the story lol).

I usually worry they all sound the same hfdjks

💠 Your writing style is easy-to-read and accessible yet intellectually rigorous. How did you teach yourself to strike this balance?

Spite. In all honesty, I hate long winded, giant paragraph stories that detail too much (Tolkien, ily but ugghhhh). Also a lot of practice. While my short stories are always shown at first draft, a lot of my other stuff, I do go in and edit and add or remove information that I feel is too much or too boring.

I also live off of feedback from my friends. It nourishes me.

🍁 Your use of sensory details makes me feel fully immersed in your writing. What wisdom can you give to writers who wish to do the same?

Practice! Play with words! Sometimes think, “How would I feel in this situation?” and describe it. Practice describing what you feel in certain moments, such as intense excitement, sadness, content, etc. And describe your surroundings too.

Like what I see out my window right now:

“The night floods the sky, and the orange lights from buildings casts soft orange glows and long shadows. The bikes are locked up and put away for the night, and dark outlines if people move quickly in the biting cold to get inside. The orange leaves sit on brown grass...”

Don’t be afraid for simplicity, because sometimes, simplicity is better than long windedness. Sometimes, you just feel happy or sad, those are different states of mind than elation and depression. 

But all in all, practice and play around. I think a thesaurus is okay to an extent but remember, English is a funny language where just because a word is in the same family, does not mean it’ll convey what you want it to convey and could very much have a different meaning.

[johnnyscancerstick]

So I've been thinking of a few other headcanons.

I've been wanting to post em for a while, but I wanted to write/draw something to go with it.

But I don't have the energy to do that right now, but I don't want to wait any longer! So that's.. What this is. Yeah.

(Hey Ica add a read more here when you get the chance don't fucking leave this in)

(If I do end up leaving it in please say ‘Hey Ica you didn't add a fucking read more go do that,’ or something along those lines.)

- It was hard for Pony to get over losing Johnny and Dallas, of course, it was for everyone, but we're focusing on Ponebone.

But he does little things to help him get through the days.

- They have Dallas' leather jacket hung up on Darry's door and Johnny's jeans jacket on Pony's.

Just to silently look at in remembrance.

Darry and Dallas were actually real good friends, and sometimes he'll wear it around.

Ponyboy won't wear Johnny's unless he's doing something that reminds him of him (looking up at the stars in the lot, he actually has had to go to the hospital a few times and he wears it there, etc.)

- Pony actually writes little letters to the two guys, but he doesn't send them out due to embarrassment.

He just has a bunch of envelopes in his desk drawer, the left side is for Johnny, and the right side is for Dal. He's written way more to Johnny, but he does still write for Dallas. Mostly because Johnny would have really wanted him to, and that he's really guilty.

He just makes casual conversation with Johnny, talking about how things are going and that there's still a very rare day when he'll get his face in the paper, praising him. ‘a year ago today...’

And he apologises for a lot of things to Dal, things that he's sad at how immature he was and that he wished he could have been a better friend to him.

He talks about Darry a lot too.

- Pone can't take his bros or his friends getting burnt.

Even if it's just a small cigarette burn because they lost their grip, or thought a stove wasn't on. He'll just run over and make sure they're okay no matter who it is, and he's usually in tears at that point.

Can't look at the burn on his forefinger.

He just can't take it, even though he's tryna get better with the waterworks with fucking everything that reminds him of that place.

- Pony reads Gone With the Wind aloud whenever he has the chance.

Just in case Johnny's listening.

He will even explain what some things are/mean if he doesn't think Johnny would be able to understand it.

--

- Johnny was on Pony's shoulder reading The Outsiders as he wrote it.

Was kind of offended??

But he doesn't leave for more than a second, like a walk around the bedroom. ‘He called me last and least bitCH-’

- Johnny and Dallas can actually interact with things, not when people are looking, but, for example, Dallas could pick up his or Johnnycake's jacket off the floor if it fell off the door and put it back.

Johnny hums things sometimes when he's just watching the bois to their things, and then whoever it is'll pretty much immediately get it stuck in their head.

Johnny does it mostly to let the bois know that he's still there. One time he wrote something in response to Pony's letter and left it out on the table.

Ponebone, of course, almost cried and Johnny was like ‘WAIT NO WHY'RE YOU SAD THAT WASNT WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN’

Dal doesn't most of the times, but he does try to terrorize Johnny's parents because BITCH THEY STILL DON'T LIKE HIM

Dally, per Johnny's idea, actually went and found Two's switch and gave it back. It took a while for Two-bit to actually realize, but he was ecstatic when he did.

- Johnny can only really float around? Dallas can, but he can't, Dal has to carry him around if they're goin somewhere that forces em to not float.

- “..... Is that.. Soda?”

[mystery-salad]

7, 13, 20 and 22 from the angst questions for all of your characters (cause i'm selfish uwu and want to know /all/ lmao i am so sorry)

Oh my god HOLY SHIT i have THIRTY EIGHT character slots,,,,,,you will get all the ones that are intended to be permanent characters which is 34 of them I hope you’re ready for a long-ass post man cause that’s 136 answers

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why?

Taomesin: They already have killed those they want to, the people they’re meant to fight! Big enemies. They don’t really go killing randomly and wouldn’t see a point.

Nixxte: High-ranking inquest, someone who’s death would completely destabilise the inquest system for a while.

Tirs: Envert. The two have some history.

Mint: No one! They’re perfectly happy and know that Azin will protect them from anyone and anything! Azin is all they need and they would never dream of killing anyone! They already cause enough trouble with all their ptsd.

Bodacc: If she could, whoever is the reason she was abandoned as a baby. She doesn’t know who it was, if her parents are alive or dead. She loves the warband that raised her but she truly regrets not getting to immerse herself in asuran society growing up.

Mango: No one in particular, though probably a childhood rival or two.

Imekaari: Braith. But Cue did that, so anyone else from Lace’s past that hurt them.

Tojoll: Rytlock

Elaphurus: No one! Baby angel is so sweet they just want to help and protect!!!

Aqun: Maric, he’s more than earned it in her eyes.

Tvelle: She’d like to have killed Scarlet herself.

Whomstdve: No one she’s chill

Laighe: Illiadde, the two have some very antagonistic history between them.

Ennreck: He’d certainly like Kralk to Cut That Shit Out

Aezlin: He already gets to do this! If someone bugs him he can just tell Oriphio who will take care of them~

Vellask: She doesn’t have anyone in particular she’d kill. The spores would like to kill everyone if they could though.

Terizzi: They’ve killed those they needed to, now they just want to live alone in peace. They’d run from or kill anyone who’d approach them now if that counts.

Strair: They would go after Faolain, or whoever leads the court now. The court has just caused too many inconveniences to them tbh.

Kvold: He’d kill Affa, Lace’s employee that first ‘rescued’ him from the court. That dude rubs him the wrong way for several reasons.

Embrant: She would’ve killed Kvold after he broke Wrelia for a while.

Rieft: Whoever’s hurt Veirett. She loves her old mentor and wants her to truly be happy.

Illiadde: She already does kill everyone my dude

Cue: He’s already killed the man he hates most, Braith!

Odollumn: She doesn’t care enough about anyone to genuinely want anyone dead of her own motivations.

Regniette: They would take out the idiots who are still trying to follow Joko even though he’s dead.

Nimue: He doesn’t wish death upon anyone

Ezra: An employer or two. She’s hoping one day she’ll get contracts put on them that she can act on too!

Fhariem: Faolain and whoever her successor is, for taking the Court in such a pitiful direction over time.

Envert: Those idiot cowards who kicked her out of the Grove just for being curious about some more interesting experiment ideas. Come on, some bloodshed is necessary for the really good questions!!!

Cherie: He will befriend everyone instead!!!!

Fuilliome: A fellow mercenary who’s taken his jobs and targets a little too personally. It’s just a job man, and you’re inconveniencing him now with your unprofessionalism.

Renee: Half the nobles on earth. If you’ve met one you’ve met them all and they rarely actually aid in saving the world instead of just whining dramatically about it.

Tenor: She already kills those she wants to, though she’d love to get ahold of Lace herself. If only she could get Cue out of the way so she wouldn’t have to worry about dying…

Jioro: Queen Jenna, she has it coming for using sketchy technology to make guards that can be hacked TWICE!!!

13. What does it take to make your character cry?

Taomesin: They have never cried in their life!!! They’re emotionally numb!!!!!!!

Nixxte: Just average stuff, extremely sad moments, losing a loved one, etc…

Tirs: Memories of Envert

Mint: Memories of when they were captured by pirates, the thought that they will never be welcome in the Grove again, the thought that most people would hurt them, Whenever they hurt or disappoint Azin, ptsd flashbacks or relapses.

Bodacc: Whenever she tries to interact with other asuras and usually gets rebuffed for being so unusual

Mango: Average things, sad moments and deaths of loved ones

Imekaari: Friends in pain, that time he was tortured by Lace when they were mordrem, average sad things, he happy cries too if he’s overly happy c:

Tojoll: She will angry cry if something has gone wrong enough, and will be absolutely inconsolable for a while if a loved one dies.

Elaphurus: They cry when scared, which happened a lot when they first awoke in the Maguuma jungle.

Aqun: It takes a Lot, she’s very very emotionally level and good at keeping things in perspective. If anything were to happen to Roanna, Jioro, or Veirett though she would cry.

Tvelle: Sad sappy stories, really really really cute things all make her cry

Whomstdve: Average sad shit sometimes, she doesn’t really cry much

Laighe: She really tries not to cry in front of people, but she’s woken up from nightmares often crying or dry sobbing. She cries over deaths of those she cares about.

Ennreck: If one of her pets dies or has to be put down, it’s a sad day on the ranch…

Aezlin: Are you kidding? Of course he doesn’t cry it’s not a pretty look darling~

Vellask: If the spores infect or kill someone she didn’t intend, she gets incredibly sad and very apologetic to that as-good-as-dead person.

Terizzi: They have a lot of panic attacks that lead to tears. Also if they are somehow isolated from their creatures they’d sob in a panic.

Strair: Illiadde dying or Lace dying would make them cry. Good luck getting them to admit it though!

Kvold: So much makes him cry, he’s a very sweet very emotional boy. Such a sweetheart, especially since recovering from his Court conditioning.

Embrant: Wrelia being hurt makes her cry, and also when anything happens to harm the Grove. Death makes her cry a lot.

Rieft: Not much! She’s not one to react to things by crying, so much as by acting accordingly as necessary. She handles sadness through cheering up with friends and honoring whoever has died.

Illiadde: She doesn’t cry.

Cue: Lace being in danger, Lace being distressed, Lace being badly hurt!

Odollumn: She doesn’t know what emotions are, she came out of the pod a biiiiit faulty.

Regniette: A very Asuran asura in terms of temperament, they don’t really cry over much, just think about how to logically get an advantage back after.

Nimue: Death or loss of vitality in anything makes him cry quietly.

Ezra: She’s not one for sad emotions or caring about people, so she doesn’t really cry!

Fhariem: When she hears about the few other Courtiers she likes dying or falling to the more violent Court ways.

Envert: She doesn’t cry, just laughs manically!

Cherie: If someone doesn’t want to be his friend, meaning he actually has to fight them instead of working things out nicely :c

Fuilliome: He cries over friends being hurt, he knows he has made enemies and feels pretty guilty if it bounces back on anyone he knows. He’s made a habit of only befriending people who can really handle each other.

Renee: She used to cry over catastrophes and big disasters, but now it’s more if you’ve seen one you’ve seen em all. Truly overly happy moments will make her cry though.

Tenor: Friends dying makes her sad, she might cry a little performatively. Ans she will cry to save face or garner pity from others, she’s just a sweet perfect noble girl after all!

Jioro: Aqun or Roanna or Laranthir facing any pain would make her cry, but she’s pretty overall tough and ornery emotionally.

20.  What was something they struggled with greatly and how did they overcome it?

Taomesin: They struggled with the difficulties brought up by asking for help and being ignored or punished for it, they overcame this by learning to never ask for help or voice concerns ever again! c:

Nixxte: They struggled with the complete vicious removal of their lower jaw, but over time they’ve recovered and learned sign language and have both a work and casual set of artificial jaws made!

Tirs: She struggled with the betrayal of her first girlfriend, Envert. But she’s been able to move forward, learned none of it was her fault, and has made some very supportive friends who’ve helped her regain her old vitality and enthusiasm!

Mint: They have struggled with Most Of Their Life, fraught with torture and rape trigger warnings that they think they’re finally recovering from but are actually still thoroughly buried in thanks to a very manipulative boyfriend who’s fantastic at gasslighting and confusing Mint.

Bodacc: She’s struggled with integrating into asuran society, having been raised through Charr society. She’s still trying to overcome either her charr-like habits, or her need to be accepted by other asuras.

Mango: She’s chill! Hasn’t really struggled yet.

Imekaari: He’s struggled with how closed off Lace is, and the fact that he’s not naturally a confrontational person so isn’t good at trying to get Lace to understand they need help. But he’s been getting better with this, having actively gotten Lace to open up to him at least and now he’s also been able to full-on enforce bedrest and recovery for them! One day he’ll even get them to finally seek out actual therapeutic help.

Tojoll: tbh she hasn’t had much difficulties! She’s my happy commander, no one has died everything has been a victory! This Kralkatorrik situation is the most difficult situation for her so far tbh because the fucker just won’t die.

Elaphurus: They struggled with a lot, primarily the fact that when Mordremoth died their memory was wiped completely! They awoke afraid and confused and have slowly been learning the world and about themself with the help of very nice new friends.

Aqun: Earlier on in life she struggled with being taken seriously as a soldier, being visibly a rich girl who’s been handed everything in life. But she has worked hard and proven herself to be someone who’s very self reliant, responsible, and worthy of a title.

Tvelle: She struggled as a kid fitting into asuran society. She was a lot more hotheaded and started a lot of fights in school. She eventually ran away shortly before joining a college, and joined the Vigil. Over the years she’s mellowed out quite a bit, but has found people who respect her choices and lack of discipline and has worked on passing on that support to others she meets who need a helping hand!

Whomstdve: Nothing yet! She’s chill

Laighe: She’s struggled with SO MUCH and hasn’t truly overcome any of it yet. She’s a walking mess, it’s a wonder she’s still holding herself together honestly.

Ennreck: He’s not your average charr, not very confrontational and a fan of alone time. Early on he left the Citadel and moved far away, eventually stumbling onto olmakhan territory, spending some time with them, collecting supplies, and building his own ranch in the desert nearby!

Aezlin: He has no difficulties, he gets whatever he wants! If something is wrong Oriphio will fix it~

Vellask: She struggled greatly with being infected by a parasitic fungus that latched onto her brain! It was nearly fatal but she was actually able to somehow manage to communicate with it, the two have worked out a mutually beneficial compromise in which she lets it spread as she travels and it doesn’t kill her so she can be a mobile distributor for it.

Terizzi: They went through a few things in a row, first falling to Mordremoth and then being captured by inquest for studies and experimentation. It was extremely traumatic and terrifying, and they still haven’t truly recovered. They cope by not trusting ANYONE now and living an incredibly isolated life with their pets.

Strair: The one thing in their life they struggled with truly was the one time they failed an undercover mission and were caught by the White Mantle. They have permanent physical alterations, and would have died in there if Lace hadn’t convinced Illiadde to come save them. They made a solid recovery though! They really have nothing emotionally to recover from.

Kvold: Spent years and years being extremely emotionally abused and manipulated, eventually he was forcibly rescued from the Court and began rehabilitation in Lace’s house! He’s still very cautious about emotionally investing in people now, since it ruined most of his life and mentality, but he is healing. He’s reconciled with Wrelia, helped Liaur also escape the Court, and has rebuilt a lot of friendships!

Embrant: Her biggest difficulty was when Wrelia had completely broken down. She spent a lot of time gently helping her girlfriend recover emotionally, and was incredibly loving and patient. Now, the two are happily married~

Rieft: No large difficulties! Just a good ol adrenalin junkie having one hell of a time!

Illiadde: Her entire life is a struggle and she will never recover.

Cue: He basically lost his life from before HoT when he crashed with the Pact and fell to Mordremoth. He came out of the ordeal with severe anger issues and some mordrem features that left most people very not chill with him. He had a hard time finding work to survive on and was really just getting by until Lace hired him to build them a new house. Since then, the two got to know each other and the rest is history! They’re both helping each other grow from a lot of shit.

Odollumn: She never struggles, she doesn’t much care about difficult situations.

Regniette: They have died several times and have multiple deals with multiple entities to keep their body going! It’s a very bad coping mechanism for avoiding death and they intend to keep it up for as long as it’ll still work.

Nimue: He’s lived an actually very peaceful nomadic life, avoiding any stressful areas or people!

Ezra: She copes with everything by killing the source of stress, it’s never gotten to a point of serious emotional struggle for her before she’s taken the source out.

Fhariem: She struggled with seeing the Court change from using Nightmare to separate from the dream, to enforcing nightmare upon others as if they were no better than the Pale Tree. She tried for a while to change things from inside the Court until leaving it to go join the Priory to preserve the more ‘honorable’ history of the Court.

Envert: She struggled with getting kicked out of the Grove, though she really changed nothing about herself and is now incredibly bitter that they’d kick her out over some meager experiments. She’s since gained her own very very shady lab in the middle of nowhere.

Cherie: Has not struggled, is a good and pure happy boi!

Fuilliome: Hasn’t truly suffered, loves his job, is good at his job, has had some sad or difficult moments but is well adjusted overall!

Renee: The first big catastrophe she saw end a civilisation was tragic for her, she was broken for years. But as she lived through lifetimes and seeing cities rise and fall, she has reconciled with the fact that no matter how much ruin strikes, life will always find a way to rebuild. Things will always move on.

Tenor: She’s spoiled and makes sure she gets exactly everything she wants! No big struggles for this horrible woman!

Jioro: Major social anxiety has actually been a huge struggle for her, though with those she counts in her loved ones she can make it through events now without leaving early. Though she still hates social events overall.

22. If they could change just one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Taomesin: They’d be more durable, they find their loss of limbs to be a hindrance and it means at least a couple days getting used to prosthetic limbs when they could instead be working on saving the world.

Nixxte: They’d like their lower jaw back pls

Tirs: She’d like to be a little less jumpy in serious relationships, Envert left quite an impression.

Mint: They’d like to be cured from their PTSD, they want to be okay again…

Bodacc: She’d make herself smarter, trying to fit more into typical asuran standards.

Mango: She’s actually quite happy as is!

Imekaari: He’d like to be comfortable being a bit more assertive when necessary.

Tojoll: She’s Flawless and very content with herself

Elaphurus: They’d like to look less intimidating to people, they just want to make friends and learn about the world

Aqun: She’d like to not have died once and tied herself to Glint to come back. She finds Glint weak and spineless and undeserving of boing sort of back in the world after she put the weight of the world on a child.

Tvelle: She’d like to be a little less intense emotionally, she can come on a bit strong to new people which makes some people uneasy at first.

Whomstdve: She’s Cursed And Perfect

Laighe: She’d like to be more confident in herself and not so unsure about what she’s doing. So much has happened and she’s feeling so lost but like she can’t stop…

Ennreck: Sometimes he wishes he was a bit more of a typical charr, but overall he’s generally content with how his life has panned out. He’s living a tough but happy life.

Aezlin: He’s FLAWLESS he’ll never need to change at all~

Vellask: She’d honestly love to not have a parasitic fungus hitchhiking in her head any more.

Terizzi: They’d like to not be Damaged, to not have gone through the jungle or the experiments.

Strair: A little more flexibility could be nice~

Kvold: He’d like to have been born to the dream instead of to nightmare. He’s never truly gotten to be a dreamer or feel that connection.

Embrant: She is actually quite happy as she is! After all, the love of her life thinks she’s perfect as is~

Rieft: She’d like to have a little more bulk to her, and is working on that!

Illiadde: She’d like to be dead.

Cue: He’d like to lose his mordrem features and his short temper fuse

Odollumn: She doesn’t even consider changing herself.

Regniette: They’d like for their body to be more durable for easier upkeep between deaths.

Nimue: He’s quite content as is!

Ezra: She’d like to be even faster and stronger, play with her prey longer than she already does.

Fhariem: She’s content as is, it’s the Court that she thinks needs to change.

Envert: She wishes she seemed less suspicious to people, it’d make it easier to pull in new test subjects!

Cherie: He’d like to be a little less naive, though honestly he’s not doing much to change that and he really is just so trusting and friendly and hopes the best of everyone.

Fuilliome: He’s happy the way he is!

Renee: She’s actually quite content, she’s immortal so if she ever has or does want to change anything she has all the time in the world to make it happen.

Tenor: She’s so happy in her current life. No changes necessary~

Jioro: She’d like to severely lower her social anxiety so she can function in society better.

[dendrite-lover]

Life After The Cordon – Part 1/?

Jake Riley x Reader, Jana x Lex

Warnings: Extreme SPOILERS! I don’t think there are any other, but to be safe, 18+

A/N: I recommend reading after you have completed watching at least episode 11, of Containment. Also, this is my first fic ever. Therefore, I totally welcome all constructive criticism, writing tips, etc. Shit, I cannot believe I am actually making this public.

It had been a year since the H7N2 influenza strain had been successfully eradicated after Dr. Cannerts was able to develop a cure that produced the appropriate response level of IFNs needed to kill the virus without causing a hyperimmune response in the patient. In the light of charges against Dr. Cannert being dropped due to the fact that he thought naming Sayid as patient zero would prevent a national outcry instead of creating one, he was nominated the Nobel Prize for Medicine for the following year. After all, when a top government official tells you to do something to protect the nation, you do it. Dr. Lommers was found guilty on several criminal accounts, including the attempt of starting an International war. Those bribed by Dr. Lommers faced similar charges.

*****

Six months after full H7N2 eradication…

Jake awoke like he did for the past several of months. To say he was still traumatized, was an understatement. He hated the neurons responsible for forming the memories. His dreams weren’t always bad ones though. Sometimes there were happy memories playing in his dreams, but last night was not one of those times. Holding Y/N’s dead body in his arms, the pain and fear of sending Quentin with Jana to escape the Cordon, and worrying about the future were visions haunting his dreams every so often for months. Laying pained in his bed, Jake didn’t want to get up. Lately, it had been a chore to even breathe, but he made a promise he would keep moving so that’s what he’s been doing. Remembering that promise, he begun to rise from his bed, allowing the pressure from his tears ducts to be released.

After getting dressed and preparing for the day. Jake walked down the quiet hall of his house until he reached the room he was looking for. Slowly opening the door, he stared at the face lying in the bed for a moment before reluctantly walking over to it. “Hey Q, time to get up buddy, todays the day, remember?” Jake said as he sat on the bed, shaking Quentin awake.

Quentin slowly opened his eyes, smiling widely when he saw Jake. “Yes, I remember, but I’m still sad. I know this is a good thing, it just feels s-so...I don’t know.” Quentin’s eyes were sad and begun to form tears as he stared at Jake.

Jake sighed heavily, trying not to fall apart in front of Quentin. “I kn-, I know, me too, but we said one day at a time. We keep moving, alright.” Quentin nodded in agreement while Jake kissed him on his forehead. “Hey Quentin, I love you.” He said before pulling back and heading out the door. “I love you too Jake.”

Jake stopped at another door down the hall, one only a few steps away from Quentins. Peeking in, he saw a pair of brown eyes looking towards the door he was now walking through.

“How’s my superhero? How’d you sleep?” Jake asked as he sat on the bed.

“Not well, but I’m alright. Is Quentin up yet?” Thomas sat up from his bed. A hopeful twinkle in his eye.

“Yeah he is and you can see him downstairs after you get dressed, but listen. If you ever have trouble sleeping, you come wake me or lay your sleeping bag next to Quentins bed, okay?” Jake gave Thomas a moment to respond, but he said nothing as he busied himself, playing with his fingers. “Hey, I love you, you know that right?” Jake was searching his eyes. The features on his beautiful face were that of concern and sincerity.

Thomas then threw his arms around Jakes neck. Jake responded in kind, holding the boy close. “I love you too.” Thomas said before jumping off the bed as he prepared to get dressed for the day as well, but before Jake walked out the door, Thomas stopped him. “I still get scared of being so close.”

Jake then walked back to Thomas, gently gripping his shoulder. “Hey…hey, none of what happened was your fault. You did nothing wrong. You saved everyone.” Jake looked down and sighed shaking his head. “I know what happened hurts, but you have to stop blaming yourself, T. The virus was responsible, not you. Okay?”

With a half-smile, Thomas nodded. “Okay”

After Zone 6 inside the cordon was back to civilization, it was discovered that Quentins grandma and Aunt Sally were robbed and killed by an escapee. Thomas had been in close contact with his family during the quarantine, therefore unknowingly exposing them to the virus through cuts that he tended to. Jake had known no matter what he wanted to remain in Quentin’s life, but when it was understood that neither boys had a family to go to, Jake immediately went to Lex. Lex had used the perks of his promotion as Chief to ensure Jake was granted custody of both boys with no complications.

In the kitchen, Jake started a pot of coffee and began to work on making pancakes with blueberry smiley faces, scrambled eggs, and breakfast sausages. Immediately after Jake began to plate breakfast, the boys came walking down the stairs to eat, discussing last night’s game. Jake had been wanting to take them to a home game, but being in public was sometimes difficult.

They sat at the kitchen table as they usually did. “I hope you guys are hungry because I over did it this morning.” Jake said with enthusiasm, watching them eat with adoration in his eyes before sitting across from them with his plate and doing the same. “So we have a busy day today and we’ll need to pick up flowers before we head to the cemetery.”

Quentin looked up from his plate. “Mom always loved peonies and lilies.” He said with a faint smile.

“Alright, we’ll see if we can find her some.” Jake said while nodding.

“I wrote her a note, may I give it to her?” Thomas asked.

“Of course you can, she’ll love that.” Jake responded. Looking between both boys, he saw such innocence in their eyes, such hope. He knew that it was now up to him to see them through. To ensure they had a better life than he did, but he had already felt that he failed before he even begun. Jake was away on an assignment when Thomas’s dad showed up to take him out of isolation and was split from Y/N to ditch his gear when she was exposed. He hated the circumstances of it all. “Thomas, Quentin, look I’m trying so hard to be what you both need, okay? I don’t want to fail you. I know it has been rough still, but we will get through this. Together.”

“You won’t. Mom told me you have a good heart. And I heard you when you told her you’ll never run.” Quentin said weakly.

“Yeah. You’ve already done so much. We’ll get through the rest together.” Thomas added with such optimism.

Jake walked over to the other side of the table, scooping them into his arms for a group hug. “My boys are so strong and I love you both so much. With everything that I have. I’ll never run” After several seconds, he released them, sniffling, and flexed both of his arms on either side of his head. “Put ‘em up, huh?” Both boys smiled while repeating the actions of Jake.

“Alright, alright, put them away.”

Jake begun collecting the plates from the table. “You guys go upstairs, finish getting ready, and pack for your sleepover, I’ll clean up down here.”

While cleaning, he replayed what Quentin and Thomas had said. Hearing the words from their mouths, he couldn’t believe how much things in his life had changed. It warmed his heart to hear their words, but he needed to know that Y/N was proud of him. It broke his heart so much, you not being there with him and your family. He swore he would be more and so far, he was off to a great start. He was promoted to detective and was granted six months off with pay, in addition to specialty and overtime pay.

****

With a pair of peonies and lilies in either of the two little boys hand and with the urn containing Y/N’s ashes in Jakes hand, they all followed closely behind the person escorting them to her headstone, where your ashes would now lay. A few minutes later, they were stopped a few paces away from the site.

“Well here you fellas are, the third stone here to the left is where you’ll find what you’re looking for. I’ll leave you all to it.” The escort said, clearing his throat, and excusing himself.

Jake inhaled sharply, as they approached the granite headstone, that read Y/F/N, Y/L/N “Strong, Courageous, Honest” engraved in the center. Two months ago, Jake felt it may be best to finally place Y/N’s ashes to rest. He wanted a place where they could visit her, talk with her, and it is what she deserved. After discussing it with Quentin and Thomas, he started making the necessary arrangements.

Looking between both boys, he asked, “Are we ready to do this?” Quentin and Thomas nodded with gloomy expressions on their face.

“Ok. Let’s lay the ashes first.” Jake whispered as he lifted the lid from the urn and started to pour the ashes into the small grave. After the ashes were laid out in the grave, Jake turned his attention to Thomas. “Do you want to place your letter still?”

Thomas was too hurt to speak, so he gently laid the letter on top of the ashes in the shallow grave.

They all placed the patches of grass over the hole before Thomas and Quentin laid the flowers in their hands over the grave.

“You guys still okay?” Jake asked, trying to hold it together, but when he looked down at them and saw them trying to do the same, he couldn’t help but let out a whine that was quickly followed by tears. “I’m sorry, I know I need to be strong for you.” Regaining composure, he now held a sobbing Thomas and Quentin.

Quentin tightened his grip around Jakes neck.

“It hurts so much, Jake.”

“I miss her.” Thomas added.

“I know. Me too, but you know what?” Jake asked, now facing them, and placing his hands on each of their hearts. “She’ll always be here.”

The remainder of the day went by quickly. Filled with fun activities and learning at the Museum of Health. Jake ensured they were constantly exposed to learning opportunities. He knew it was what Y/N would do if she were here. Every day in the Cordon, despite the uncertainty of a future, she would teach, or give them stimulating tasks like creating board games.

Jake decided to take the boys out for dinner since it had been so long since they’ve been able to. They were usually too heartbroken to be out in public if they didn’t need to be, and it was also difficult to do so because Jakes work while in the Cordon made him very popular. Him, Y/N, Lex, and Leo were seen as heroes for their persistence in uncovering the truth. Luckily tonight, there didn’t seem to be many people out. Dinner was spent talking about only happy memories and Jake noticed the boys were able to eat more than they had in months.

****

Before ringing the doorbell, Jake kneeled to look at the two boys beside him. “Okay listen, I’ll be by tomorrow to pick you guys up, but I need you both to behave for Uncle Lex and Aunt Jana.” Jake said to Quentin and Thomas. “We will.” said Thomas with a smile. “We promise” Quentin added, nodding.

Jake then stood reaching out to ring the doorbell. As soon as the door opened, the boys greeted Lex and Jana, and then went off running up the stairs to the game room.

“Remember, behave!“ Jake called out to them before turning his attention back to the recently engaged couple standing in the doorway. “Hey Lex, Jana, thank you both for agreeing to watch my boys.”

“Your boys, huh? It’s no problem Jake, we’re happy to help.” Jana said, smiling proudly at Jake “Besides, we could use the practice” she said as she rubbed the round of her belly.

“Hey man, you know we are always here for you, that’s what family does.” Lex stated while squeezing Jakes shoulder. “How did it go today?” Lex asked sincerely.

“I kind of fell apart. It is so hard to be strong in front of them. Especially Quentin,” Jake sighed “he reminds me of her so much.”

“How are you sleeping?” Jana had a concerned and pained look on her face.

“Like crap, but I hope having tonight will help.”

Lex pulled Jake in for a hug. “Well go on then, we’ll take good care of your boys.” Jake pulled away, laughing, but it quickly turned into a half whimper.

Jake looked down, trying to keep the tears forming in his eyes from falling before he turned back to Jana and Lex. With a hint of sadness in his voice. “Hey, thanks again. I really need this. See you tomorrow.”

“We know” Lex and Jana whispered to themselves at the same time as they watched him get into his SUV.

Tag List: @heythereelejah @taylordrunkonwhiskey

[astraldragons]

fhgjk oh boy, got tagged by @castaways-ask-blog

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to know better whoever wants to do this (& make a separate post).

1) Nickname

I have so many nicknames I go by defrgtlk

Some of ‘em are Goo, Astral, Parent, Sam, Sammich, Satan, Goodra, Astrash, etc.

2) Zodiac

Sagittarius uwu

3) Height

5′4″, I’m dying, Squirtle

4) Last movie I saw

Into the Spiderverse! Easily one of my new favorite movies, and the BEST Spider-Man movie I’ve ever seen.

5) last thing googled

“The Arcana Portia cosplay” because I’m weak for Portia cosplayers dfjkg

6) Favorite musicians

Uhhhh hm

Probably Imagine Dragons and NSP.

7) Songs stuck in my head

I’M NEVER GONNA DANCE AGAIN

GUILTY FEET HAVE GOT NO RHYTHM

8) Other blogs

TOO. MANY.

AKA: this blog (main/my G/t blog), @smolgoodragon (my “normal” writing blog), @roar-of-txme (Pokemon and positivity blog), @here-comes-the-harvester (my The Harvester blog), @gt-imagines (my G/t headcanons blog whICH TUMBLR KEEPS FLAGGING FOR NO DAMN REASON.), @idiots-in-space (Voltron blog), @voreanddragons (my PG13 vore blog), @pocket-kiran (my Fire Emblem Heroes AU where the summoner is tiny), @i-am-google (my side of the Little Assistant AU with the multiple Googlepliers), @animals-in-passing (my Petblr where I can’t stop gushing about my pets fjgtkhy), @bleeding-blue-deviant (my Detroit: Become Human blog), and @astraldragons, my FR blog.

I have way too many blogs. End my suffering.

9) Do I get asks

Occasionally! I’ll sometimes go through periods where my ask blog blows up with asks ranging from about 5-15 at a time, but most of the time, it’s pretty quiet. Then again, I also haven’t been very active... I’ve been trying to work on my own mental health XP

10) followers

Almost 700 let’S GO

11) following

769 oops

12) amount of sleep

Uuhhhhh it ranges from 6 to 12 hours usually, but I’ve been getting better about keeping it to 8.

13) lucky number

21!

14) What I’m wearing

Sweats and a baggy T-shirt. I am the epitome of class.

15) Dream job

Right now, I’m praying that I get this one editing job! It would be my first desk job/first professional job and just....... god, I would be so delighted. In the future, I want to be an editor for a book-publishing company, and maybe even publish my own books, gain some notoriety as an author... Aaaa, I can dream.

16) Dream trip

Literally anywhere. I love traveling and seeing new things and places. Though, as of late, I really want to go to Germany so I can meet up with my writing friends!!

17) Favorite food

Soups like clam chowder and chicken chili, mashed potatoes, and French fries. I LOOOOVE potatoes.

18) play any instruments

I played the clarinet for 6 years but tbh I’m very rusty now

19) Favorite song

I seriously can never pick a favorite song, but I’ve always loved “Dialga’s Fight to the Finish!” from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky. It’s such an epic, sad, and gorgeous theme all in one.

20) Random fact

I didn’t discover that I prefer they/them pronouns until I was about 20 years old frjgtk

21) Describe yourself as aesthetic things

Space, galaxies, cyan, dragons, oceanic depths, glowing deep-sea creatures, etc.

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it dfgkj I don’t know 21 people

[friedesgreatscythe]

Let's say one of the Peggies made the questionable decision of having the Seeds babysit their child. How do you think they'd handle it?

Faith… would be a little alarmed, but I can see her singing with the kid, playing pretend, playing games with them (hide and seek, tag, etc.). I think she might be more nervous about it than she would show, because she was never taken proper care of as a child herself. Over time she’d probably feel more comfortable playing babysitter, and would graciously volunteer for it. She’d soon have a little train of kids following her, like the Madeleine books.

John would not like it at all. He wouldn’t want to do it. He’d get someone else, another Peggie, to do it. He’d have to child proof everything–including his language–and he wouldn’t have anything to fall back on, unlike Faith and her bubbly, innocent persona. I think he might feel a little guilty about it, but he would know it was the right choice to pass on the responsibility. He’s in no state to be around a child ever, and sometimes that makes him sad. (I think he might try to join in with his siblings if they looked after the kid, just so he could see how it’s done. I think he’d be a little awkward about it, kinda like Anne from Parks and Rec not knowing how to talk to kids. Although I also imagine he’d get coloring books for them to draw in, and he’d hang up their best work on the fridge.)

Jacob might find it a little presumptuous that a soldier–or anyone that wasn’t his family–would ask him to do such a thing. He might crack a joke or two, and depending on how old the kid is he’d either carry ‘em around and talk at them, or he’d talk to them, if the kid was old enough. Ask them what their name was, what they did around the house, if they helped out their mom or dad. He’d talk to them like a person and really listen.

Joseph would accept the responsibility with open arms and a warm smile. He would carry the child no matter how old they were–in his arms, propped on his hip, on his shoulders–and if they were too old, he’d just hold their hand. He’d read with them, or take them on a walk. Like Jacob, he would ask them questions, try to get to know them. It would remind him of everything he could have had with his wife if things had been… different.

[tylerwritez]

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m.  sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

        Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero  cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad.  But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt  justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking  about  random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

[nctmoonstarsun]

11 question tag

I was tagged by @g-te  for the 11 questions game where you answer 11 questions then write 11 new questions! (Thank youu! ^^)

how are you? / Meh lmao

sad ballads or happy upbeat songs? / Depends on my mood really, but right now, happy upbeat songs

fave anime movie? I haven’t watched any haha

dogs or cats? / Cats!!

do you keep stuffed animals in your room? / no ^^

someone you miss? / Honestly everyone is there for me, so no one

describe your phone case? / A black, professional-looking case 

favorite lore/myths? /  Ooo i dont know..

earbuds or headphones? / earbuds

can I steal your heart? / um you can try..?

favorite thing about your ult bias? / How he is always really cheerful and positive, such a little fluffball honestly ^^

cloud’s q’s

Do you know a ksong by heart? (bc I don’t :x I can hum a trillion tho) / A few (I do karaoke a lot sooo)

When it comes to friendships, are you low or high maintenance? (As in your friends gotta talk everyday with you or you’ll feel like the friendship is dying OR if you can spend days without talking to them yet you still remain close) I can spend days without talking to them yet I still remain close

Do you have a secret that you will take to the grave? (Ofc I’m not asking you to reveal it) / No XD

Recommend me 5 songs (not necessarily kpop songs) / DRAMARAMA (MonstaX), Limitless (NCT), See You Again (Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth), Red Flavor, Russian Roulette (Red Velvet)

What do you prefer?: first, second or third gen kpop songs? / I listen more often to third generation kpop songs

What’s the cheeeeeeeeeesiest thing you’ve done? (one time a former friend of mine was telling me about a problem she had and at the end of our convo I kissed her in the forehead bYE) / Um… honestly I have the worst memory so I can’t actually remember

If you were asked to participate in a variety show, which one of the following would you pick and why? (Pick two!): problematic men, master key, hello counselor, weekly idol, one fine day, law of the jungle / WEEKLY IDOL, Hello Counselor (honestly I love these shows so much)

Your top 10 kpop songs of 2017? / DNA, Mic Drop, Cherry Bomb, Red Flavor, Likey, Really Really, Dramarama, Russian Roulette, Limitless, Rookie

Would you rather live in a huge mansion or a compact studio house? Compact studio house 

Tell me a fun childhood story (I’ll start! One time an aunt gave me money to buy ‘papas’ (potatoes) at the grocery store so bc I’m obedient af I went and asked the counter lady how many of em could I buy with the money I had so she went ‘uhh, not many tbh’ so i ended up getting like two and when I returned to my aunt’s house she laughed her ass off and said: I meant ‘papas fritas’ (potato chips) Not those! - and uh yeah this is funnier in Spanish but it proves that I’m such an innocent angel I mean wow) /  Well not much happened in my childhood but I remember how before I moved to England (I used to live in India), me and my friends (we were 7 year olds) would practice talking in English because ‘I needed to get used to it’, and now I talk to them about that and we just laugh at it lmao trust me it’s funnier than it sounds if you’ve experienced it.

If you were offered to start a band, would you accept? / HELL YES (even tho I have no talent I still love singing does that count?)

kiki’s q’s

Link your favourite playlist here if you can and if you can’t write out the first 10 songs on it! (Not a question but shh) / I don’t really have a playlist I literally just go onto the group and then pick the song on spotify ahaha

Is your current ult bias your first ult bias? If not who was your first? / No… My first ult bias was Jungkook ^^

Who is your ult bias? / Jung Jaehyunnnnn <3

Who is more likely to hog the aux cord, you or your ult? / Hmmm I feel like neither of us would hog it, more like just take turns or something I guess

Who is more likely to forget an important date, you or your ult? / Ummm… guilty as charged (basically me)

Who is more likely to ask the other to pick them up after work, you or your ult? / Me, just cos I love the idea of him picking me up after work lmao

Who is more likely to write the other a hand written note expressing themselves rather than just saying it, you or your ult? / That will be me… I’m not that good at expressing my feelings in general, but if I really want to, I’ll sit down and write a long heartfelt note

Who is more likely to cry when a dog dies in a movie, you or your ult? / I don’t cry at movies, but I feel like he’ll be upset and then I’d start crying because he’s upset

Who is more likely to almost burn the house down while cooking, you or your ult? / I can cook, but so can he..? So I don’t know

Who is more likely to start a pillow fight, you or your ult? / Probably me, I have a habit of throwing pillows at people if they tease me 

Who is more likely to ask the other to come over to cuddle with them so that they can fall asleep better, you or your ult? / Me probably haha

Mir’s q’s :D

If you could travel anywhere, but were completely by yourself, where would you go? / I honestly don’t know because I hate going places on my own

What inspires you? / Stories of successful people who got where they are now by hard work and dedication (esp. those with the same aspirations as me)

How many pets would you have in your ideal future? Any specific names or types in mind? / Just one small puppy

What are you opinions on fedoras / Um, not really the biggest fan of them

how many spoons can you balance on your face at once (picture or video proof preferred (i’m trying to get someone to do it pls anyone)) / They’re all the way downstairs and I’m in bed right now I can’t be asked to move

What is your favorite type of tree? / Willow tree

If you could convince one person to like kpop who would you convert? / My dad, cos if he’s convinced, my mum will automatically be converted too XD

What are three things you are normally associated with and/or what are three things you want to be associated with? / Well, I guess making people happy, but that’s pretty much it

If you were in a kpop group what position would you hold (ie. leader, main vocal, moodmaker, etc) feel free to tag your mutuals and who they would be! / I think I’d be vocal, leader and the 4D member haha ^^ @g-te would be rapper/moodmaker and @thatbubblecat would be the lead dancer and visual 

If you could have any wild animal as a tame pet what would it be?? (i’m ocelot loyal all the way) / Probably a lion

What is your opinion on mint chocolate chip ice cream? (for maj) / LOVE IT!!

Gitte’s q’s

What is your (clothing) style? like is it casual, street style, sporty, classy… It really depends on my mood, like sometimes I wear casual, and sometimes classy, sometimes girly.

Would you reather be very smart/intelligent but ugly, or dumb but beautiful? Very smart but ugly 

Which languages do you speak/understand? English, Hindi, Malayalam, French

What is your biggest dream? To be a doctor

Do you fold or do you crumple up your toilet paper? (I am curious okay?) Fold XD

Your favourite season? Winter

Do you have a favourite number? If yes, which and why? It’s always been 17, I think it’s my lucky number

Do you prefer, day or night? Night

Do you like bright or dark colours? Both, I usually tend to stick to two colours though; bright red or black

Do you have any habits? Accidently hitting people when laughing (even though I apologise immediately after), covering my mouth accidently with my hand when awkward and mumbling at the same time if I’m talking. 

What’s your ideal type? Oo well he's caring and protective, a pure baby but can be manly. Can sense if I'm upset and quickly tries to make me feel better. Empathetic, down to earth and modest, generally cheerful person who is positive and optimistic. A bit extroverted. In general, similar to me, I guess.

Ae Sook’s qs

      1. What qualities do you like of your ultimate bias? (Say who he/she is too)

      2. What sort of animal would you be if you were to choose one? (your spirit animal)

      3. What is your favourite ice cream flavour?

      4. Do you like kpop? If so, how long has it been since you’ve been into kpop?

     5. What star sign are you? 

     6. List all the groups/bands you listen to regularly (any genre of music).

     7. What is your favourite choreography (kpop)?

     8. How would you describe yourself? (positives and negatives, but put mainly positives)

     9. Sushi; yes or no?

    10. Who is that one idol you can relate to most? (Who do you think you’re most like? - and no, I don’t mean your ultimate bias)

I tag:

@thatbubblecat @taeyongtown @deeimana @g-te (i know you’ve done this, but I want to see what you would put for my question lmao x)

[surayajasmine]

15 Things To Live By When In High School

I decided to make this list of things that I should have done before, during my first year in high school and take it into account sincerely. Anyways, I think it’s important that I share it with everyone.

1: Forgiving is SO important. And, I don’t mean the meaningless, insincere type of forgiveness that you say to your friends, just because it makes them feel better about themselves. Sometimes, you need them to feel guilty about what they’ve done and learn to gain that trust to redeem from their mistakes. And, forgiving people makes you stronger, mentally, and it gives you a sense of maturity, instead of holding unnecessary grudges.

2. Happiness isn’t CONSTANT. What does that mean? Well, it means that being happy all the time, in front of your peers or crowd in school, is okay. But, if you’re feeling down, there’s no need to hide it, because we all have our bad days. Let it out if you’re feeling down. No shame in releasing some steam. Just make sure to get back on track ASAP.

3: To care OR not to care. Why would you want to spend your high school life, pretending to be the cool and snobby one, and pretending to not give a shit about others? At the same time, why would you even pay attention to those who talk bad about you? What I should have done in school is to actually care about those who matter to me, who are kind to me, who help me in any way. Those people are the ones worth caring about. It’s hard to ignore the buzz in the background about you, but, trust me, taking the high road makes you the better person, regardless of how much it stings. Eventually, what goes around, comes around. Karma will give them a taste of their own medicine.

4: Parents play a HUGE role in your life From what I’ve known, plenty of my schoolmates aren’t close to their parents, or maybe their parents disagree with them on something. Guys, believe me when I say this, your parents are almost always right. I used to think that was freaking ridiculous, until I considered the consequences of my actions from their point of view. Imagine this; Your child, only daughter, sneaking behind your back to spend the lunch money you gave her on shopping, and seeing boys behind your back. If we were the child, we’d think it’s nothing harmful, it’s just shopping and dating. But, from your parents’ eyes, you are spending their hard earned money on items that you don’t need, and you’re betraying their trust. To earn our parents trust, is to understand their situation, talk to them, be honest (seriously, guys, it’s so important), respect their choices, and think rationally and maturely. Someday, we’ll have kids of our own and what we do now, could potentially be a reflection of ourselves when we misbehaved during our teen years. Don’t push your parents away. And, do what you can to bond with them. Family is first.

5: CLEAN, clean, clean. Do whatever it takes to maintain a good appearance and surroundings. Deodorant, brushing teeth and face wash are a MUST. Firstly, why would you not wear deodorant to school, where you’ll be spending nearly 7-8 hours in such an environment. Your body odour is a big no-no. To not brush your teeth is very disgusting, cause your morning breath definitely doesn’t smell like Chanel perfume, so, never skip brushing teeth, even if you’re running late. A messy appearance isn’t the way to go. Try your best to have a good overall cleanliness. Shave, brush, shower, etc. After all, you’re a teen and you undergo some insane hormonal changes. Best to look good and feel good.

6: REST your mind and body. We’re growing teens, therefore, sleep is so important to us. Yes, I like sleep as much as the next person, but oversleeping isn’t good either. I know people who don’t get enough rest every night, so, when school starts the next day, the coffee fiesta has begun, and the dozing off students.

7. LEARN TO SAY NO. They force you to take some illegal shit and it’s against your values and morals. Say no. They want you to be their lap dog and cover their asses for them when they’re wrong. Say no. When someone pushes you around, and thinks they can get away. Hell nah. You own it darling and show em how it’s done.

8. COOKING is a lifesaver. Okay let’s be honest here, I’ve had my disasters in the kitchen too many times. Like I’ve accidentally burnt instant noodles in the microwave. (don’t ask me how. I was only 7 years old and hungry af). Cooking will go a long way. You will find yourself one day cooking for yourself in college, in the kitchenette. It’s best to learn how to cook at an early age, at least get some basics of some simple recipes to help you when you’re off to universities or whatever. Even when you move out into your own place, you have to make use of the kitchen, and not always buy food or order outside. You gotta spend wisely. Start cooking even in high school. You’ll learn and master it, trust me, you will need it.

9. Spend your CASH wisely. Just because you have pocket money, or your parents give you lunch money, or even your own earnings from a part time job, doesn’t mean you HAVE TO SPEND IT. You see that top that you really like? But costs an arm and leg? Don’t splurge on it! Save that dough up for some other good shit that you really need. Like money to get a place of your own someday. Or some cash to get you by when things are rough. Or even money to pay for your own college funds. Things are hella expensive these days, and we have to think of how to save it, so we can use it for the right times.

10. GET A PART TIME JOB. Yeah, I can’t seem to emphasise this enough, but, you guys are on the road to adulthood. And, to NOT have the experience of what a working environment is like… That’s criminal. It’s good to have some exposure to what the real world is, for instance, booking appointments for clients, doing some hard labour, etc. You have to start somewhere. Corporate world is all about hiring young adults with experience. But, if you don’t have the least idea of what a working world is, it can be difficult to find a job that is suitable for you.

. 11. Not everyone you are FRIENDS WITH WILL LAST FOREVER. As harsh as it may sound, it’s the truth. Just because you are friends with them now in high school, doesn’t mean it’ll work out when you guys graduate and ship off to other ends of the world to earn that degree. Nope. You will grow apart after sometime. You will notice the distance of the conversations you share. It’s normal and there’s nothing to be scared of. Some people just don’t vibe with you, or maybe you realise that you deserve better. It’s okay.

12. Enjoy high school while you can. I’m going to be a senior soon and, it made me realise how much I’m going to miss high school. Ya sure. It sucked so much for me at certain points because people can be a bunch of dicks. No surprise there. But, where else are you gonna get an experience of high school? I’m gonna miss the high school food the most, cause it rocks. I’ll miss the insane practices I had to go through every day after school. You wont get anything like this when you’re an adult. So, being in high school has its ups and downs. But above all, there is some fun in it. And, you may not notice it now, but when you approach your last days of high school, it’ll hit you.

13. BE KIND High school is not a Mean Girls movie where you can just put everything in a Burn Book. Yeah, okay, that person pissed you off, but to go out and have vengeance on that person and get yourself in trouble too? Nope. Don’t be that person. As hard as it may seem, you have to be kind to the people you don’t want to be with at all. Even if they’ve hurt your feelings. Or even threw you aside like you were nothing. It’s painful. But, it’ll give you the strength to pick yourself up and move on and grow into the gorgeous human being. Patience is key.

14. Go easy on the PARTIES. Everyone loves a good party. Including yours truly. But, you have to put some limits on how hard you party. Don’t overdo yourself and don’t do anything you are forced into. It’s a big no-no. There’s a thing called partying too hard, and it will take a toll on your mind and body. It’s terrible and I’ve witnessed someone going through a tough time the next day in school. It was horrible. Go for the parties that are worth going to. Like birthday parties. Christmas. New year’s. Just as long as you are aware of your surroundings, but still having the time of your life. Be a good but careful party animal.

15. A GOOD PLAYLIST CURES ALL. You sure as hell don’t wanna go through the bad days of high school with a terrible playlist. The wrong song can set your mood from 100-0 in no time flat. Listening to Coldplay has definitely helped me survive dark days of heartache and perked me up on a good day. Make playlists for different situations like studying, exercising, relaxing, etc. (However I do not recommend putting a sad playlist when you are in the middle of a breakup. That’s gonna make you feel worse.) But, do put songs that perk up your day. As well as songs to release your frustration. And don’t be afraid to dance or sing along to the songs. Why else would you make such an incredible playlist?

Those are pretty much my tips and advice on high school. And, it might not work for everyone else. But I hope it does. It did work out for me. I’ve been through some painful shit in high school, but thankfully I am doing well now. It’s not only to help you with high school, but it’ll shape your character into the better version of the person you are now. That’s all from me.