#sometimes im surprised its not july

[coolnonsenseworld]

Calendar - August

You can't miss the Cuddler on this one... their name is Fishie. I was very softly thinking of Lance teaching Pidge to surf (hence the a cute green board he is carrying). Also ...... lemons..... it's not Keith's shirt. And I imagine Lance making lemon jokes 24/7. On Keith's neck is a seashell necklace - analogically to Keith's pretty stone, gifted to him by Lance. Please notice the palm tree, it took forever🤣

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Less than 7 weeks of pre-order left!

mmezzy.bigcartel.com

linktr.ee/mezzy

[missrommydolly]

HI EVERYONE!!! im back from exploring the wh website ;3

(WELCOME HOME NEW UPDATE SPOILERS BELOW!)

First, wally is totally cutie pie coded

Second, I LOVED THE SECRET VIDEO!!!! I LOVE HOW REALISTIC IT IS!!! after watching it i kinda want welcome home merch now :3

Third, julie reminds me of marge simpson due to that haircut haha

And now...EDDIE DEAR

I was honestly very surprised when i saw eddie angrily throwing the papers out of the table, we never saw eddie angry before so it was quite a shock

I honestly felt very sad for eddie, like everyone was having fun and singing except him. Its like they forgot him and left him outside the episode D:

I honestly relate a lot to eddie in this scene right here because i also disassociate sometimes and normally my mama snaps me out of it

AND LITERALLY HOW FRANK DROPS THE FORMALITIES AND STOPS CALLING EDDIE BY HIS LAST NAME???? OMG???? LOOK AT HOW CONCERNED FRANK IS ;(

Anyways great update 10/10 five stars i will probably upload more stuff about me rambling about this because ITS AMAZING!!! 💞💞💞💞

-rommy <3

[ahotknife]

Do you have any thoughts abt ronans relatiomship with his sexuality pre-tdt fourth of july epiphany? Bc i remember back in the day fandom loved to portray him as deep in the internalized homophobia angst trenches, but thats... kind of not how i read him? Ofc i dont think he's 100% at peace with it (he did not speak it. He did not think it), but I never really got the vibe that it was a big aspect of his self hatred or anything? Like, when kavinsky tried to call him out he was like "yeah no i never said i wasnt", and no one ever really reacts when adam makes quips about it, like its kind of a known open secret? Like, i do think its something he was aware about and on his way to accepting pre-niall, but when we start the series he's just too wrapped up in other stuff (yeah i might be gay but the labyrinth is exanding rn- typa deal). But sometimes i wonder if im missing something and your analysis is always great so i wonder if you have any further thoughts?

hiiiii this is such a fun question tysm for sending. i don’t read him that way either!

i think you’re right, essentially ronan’s relationship with his sexuality is basically like “i might be gay but every night monsters in my nightmares try to kill me so i can’t worry about that rn” and i do agree that he doesn’t really have specifically Internalized Homophobia, BECAUSE: ronan hates himself and is scared of his desire In General. he hates himself but it’s not because he is gay, it’s just because he’s alive and he wants things. every time he mentions his self hatred or waxes angsty and poetic in his internal monologue it’s about all the different things that make him A Weirdo (have you ever seen him without that bird on his shoulder? that’s weird) and not only/just his sexuality. the other thing i do have to say about this though is that trc is not really… the most accurate representation of what it’s like to grow up gay in the american south in the late 00s/early 10s. source? me, who grew up gay in the american south during that time. like i just think there are so many things glossed over or not even included because they didn’t serve the overall narrative, which is fine, but if ronan was “real” he likely would’ve experienced more conflict with his peers/superiors and more conflict with himself and his faith wrt his sexuality. but i digress. ronan hates himself for playing god, for being born, for having wants and desires. he thinks he’s weird for being a god, for being born, for listening to shitty music and dressing like bullets era gerard way. i do also think the general attitude from his friends is kind of “oh yeah, ronan’s gay, but his dad just got murdered so we can’t really worry about that right now”. like adam’s not surprised ronan wants him; gansey’s surprise in the trk post-kiss scene is that adam wanted ronan, not vice versa; declan clearly knows but keeps his thoughts on specifically ONLY this topic to himself for some reason (another thing i’ll have to digress about because Come On…). ronan jokes about it to himself (he was not a fan of lamps) and observes it in others (he wondered if kavinsky was gay) and i think he really only takes offense to gay innuendo on his behalf if it happens to also incriminate someone else (i can’t figure out if it’s you or gansey on top; that’s not what gansey is to me). i don’t think ronan wants to believe his friends know, because he isn’t ready for them to know. they might, but they won’t push him about it. i think “im always straight” was a way for him to test the waters, to see how people would respond to his Other Secret. he DOES consider his desire for adam one of his Big Secrets; he does harbor shame and fear related to it; he does grow to accept this in himself faster than he does anything else (like the dreaming). i just think he’s simply got WAY too much he thinks he needs to hate himself for and can’t focus specifically on his sexuality. i don’t think you’re missing anything, but i do think his internalized homophobia is woven so tightly into the fabric of everything else he’s internalizing it all becomes amalgamus. i hope this a satisfactory answer for you.

[rouwaa143]

thank you for sticking by the past april!

day 30 - free day

(ramble below)

HONESTLY i just did the challenge because i wanted to prove myself that i can draw milgram for a whole month and im glad people enjoyed my art!! however art might not be posted as frequently as everyday unless i take up another challenge (Which is unlikely, i'll save my energy for other months with the challenge)

i will be on artfight later this july! i will do a post when that time comes and it'll be mostly oc art (i like drawing for other people and for myself)

i dont have any active social medias aside from twitter (if you found me on there, hi!) i dont talk to people much because anxiety but i also want to socialize.... i hope i get to know the milgram tumblr mutuals and followers someday because im still surprised that i got a small following on here

i have a youtube channel that i upload sometimes! its for when i have energy to make videos then ill do stuff there

im not sure for the plans for this blog yet since its probably multifandom, just more milgram-focused because thats my fixation at the moment (help me)

i also like limbus company but i don't talk about it much in this blog (you can see my youtube channel that i make limbus content stuff on there) im mostly using it as a way to wait for milgram content to drop because we're in a drought right now

THIS GOT TOO LONG UHHHHHH im just some guy who roleplays and do art sometimes. i chose the last day as a drawing parody to mesmerizer (flashing lights/bright colors) because i like the idea of mikoto and fuuta dancing and mikoto is signaling for help

and knowing what already happened to fuuta. i was just like. yeah hes fucked up.

i also wanted to end the challenge with me drawing humans (i can draw them its just i dont do it often because im not too confident with them)

anyways thank you for listening in! if you read it this far, see you in other posts if i have the energy to make them!

[melonteee]

Story time: When I was little and first start wachting anime (not counting Pokemon and Digimon because I didnt know what anime even was when first seeing them on tv) I learned about the big three, and wanted to watch all of them. One at a time thou.

So I watched few videos like amv or top 10 lists on yt to decide which one to start with. Bleach I found pretty boring, still do, just dont think its an anime for me. Im sure its good as it has a lot of fans. But not for me. And One Piece I thought was too childish, not sure if I saw 4kidz dub or it might be before any one of the big emotional scenes (before water 7, as in genocide wasnt a plot point yet) but I thought it was a 'friendship is magic' type of show. Naruto I saw there was blood (why I think I might have seen one piece 4kidz videos) and the nine tail fox, which I thought was the cooled thing ever. So I ended up with watching Naruto first. Spoiler: Nine tails barely have any scenes so that was a huge let down.

I didnt like Naruto because he kept trying to sneak in the womens bath and transforming into a naked girl to give people nosebleeds. Little ace me, who didnt know what asexual was, didnt approve. Sasuke I thougth was an idiot, I normally like the overly emo characters but I just thought hes reasoning and actions were stupid. (Like in the end he came back like "Im going to be the new hokage". like bitch! You are a war criminal that sided with the enemy that tried to destroy the village at one point! Why the fuck would the village want you as their leader??!!) And Sakura just seemed really pointless. There was a thing that she was supposed to be the more giften one in channeling chakra but Naruto and Sasuke quickly cought or was atleast good enough that Sakura wasnt needed that often. There was some good scenes but they were few and far between.

Not liking the main characters is a bad start when watching a show.

I dont remember that much what happend in the anime because I got so mad about how long time it took for things to happen that I ended up suppressing the memories. I didnt know what filler episodes was untill after I was almost at the end of the serie. So I watched all and every filler episodes thinking they were nessesary.

Did you know 41% of the anime was filler? 91 of 220 episodes of the original anime where filler. And 203 of 500 episodes of shippuden where filler. And one point there was even 76 episode in a row that was filler. From 13 july 2005 to 1 february 2007 where just filler episodes.

I refused to watch Bleach and One Piece after thinking they had as much filler episodes as Naruto. Untill I got recommended one piece videos on yt and decided to give it a try. But looking up which episodes where filler so I could skip it. But One piece only had 10 %. I know there were someone that had counted how many minutes where filler scenes in each episode which made that procentage a lot higher.

I know its annoying that One Piece has a lot of scene filler where things are dragged out little too long. But if I had to choose I do rather have filler scenes than filler episodes. Even thou filler episodes can be fun from time to time. But not 76 in a row.

End of story time.

Love your videos~ Keep it up!

LMAO I can't speak on the Naruto stuff, but One Piece's LACK of filler surprised me too? And I say lack of filler because, shocker! Having like, 3-5 fillers per 100 EPISODES?? SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THAT?? People truly don't realise how insane that is, and how lucky we are for that?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, people really need to watch One Piece SECOND to something else - especially second to other anime. You truly see how good you have it and how good of a show One Piece is when it's the SECOND thing you watch LMAO

[silentshadowbl0g]

text update 06-2023

hey yall! thanks for the nice tags on my recent art- a big reminder that i am pretty active on twitter @sadmachlne666 (the i is a lower case L) and i usually post art regularly, sometimes still warriors, but usually its whatever im into

as far as personal life, the mods and I have had a really hard past couple of years, but we’re doing our best to keep going.

Orion and i spent the whole month of October together last year, and we both plan on visiting Heck soon. I believe they’re both still technically mods here but I’ll be really surprised to see them answer anything, as they’ve both pretty much washed their hands clean of warrior cats or anything of the like.

I’m moving out of my parents house FINALLY- I’ll be moving in a 3 bedroom with two other friends of mine this upcoming July, im super excited.

(Everythings been paid off except the first bill due the first of July, im okay with money but my commissions ARE still open, i just may be slow getting to them cause im busy with preparations and my irl job. if you cant comm me, please consider reblogging the comm price post! thanks!)

As for Silentshadow’s Path- all ive done the past few years is brainstorm TBH! i have a very loose world and story built in my head but ive yet to nail anything down- mostly just the characters and their motivations and roles in the story. Trying to keep everything as it was when it was warrior-ifed is pretty hard, but i have to remind myself ive been working on these characters since 2013, its gonna be hard to change a world overnight (for me anyway).

So ive been thinking- i might just abandon this blog and make a new one? go back to my roots, make new references for everyone (everyone im keeping anyway. remember i made over 200 characters for this story??)

I’m tempted to just private/archive this blog, its what i wanna do but i know lots of fans, including my friends even, enjoy going back and just looking through this blog every now and then- id hate to take it away from anyone.

But as of now, even though im a bit too busy to draw and sit down and chat, Id love to interact with you guys again, feel free to send me some asks every now and then if you have any questions. I’ll let yall know what i do in the future- probably after im moved into my new apartment! Thanks for an amazing couple of years this whole project was.

[beefboyandbabygirl]

my fic timelines (for fun) !

SPOILERS FOR ALL MY CURRENTLY RELEASED FICS, just thought this would be fun for anyone that enjoys my stuff. You can kinda get an idea of what the fic is before it's y'know the full, completed thing. Sometimes I write down specific quotes I want in the story, and most of the time I also plot out the metaphors I want to use and stuff to sort of keep everything connected (but i have decided to forgo the metaphor-plotting). Also sometimes I end up changing things from how it's originally intended (just in case u read smth and ur like "thats not the way it was!"). the girl code one is soooar funny frs

*also shiver me timbers doesnt have a timeline bc its so short lol

GOODBYE, FOURTH OF JULY:

party-party sad

how yn and chan met + how yn is avoiding him during classes now, purposefully making herself late so she can sit with someone else and chan watches her intensely across the lecturehall 

chan FINALLY gets yn to his house while hes getting ready for a date. theres like a semi confrontation where hes like “i can tell your lying u kno” og yn er like… “no im nooooot” 

yn is soooooo depressed. so seungkwan and soonyoung and host an intervention (seungkwan is a second opinion)

chan develops a theory that someone mightve harassed yn at the party and he has heard women can b embarrassed ab that type of thing 

chan finally rips yn to his house and hes ANGRY bc shes been ignoring him and shes scared and feels bad and they have this big argument (“WHY WONT U LET ME HELP YOU”)  where she ends up confessing and chan realizes in that moment that hes in love with her too

super hot sex w praise and sweetness and desperation TIHIHIHIHIH

JUDAS IN THE WINDOW:

Yn comes home, thinks about chan blah blah sees him in window

Yn explroes the suburban ass town, sees the church is drawn to it. Is surprised to see chan in there WEARING A PRIEST UNIFORM. Naur. They talk a little. Sees the judas stained glass. Chan invites her to eat at his house also invites her to like church get together in 2 days

Yn eats dinner at his house, finds out he BOUGHT IT OFF HIS PARENTS WHEN THEY WANTED TO MOVE. CRAZY. A lot of tension and maybe a small argument bc of their differences and how yn kinda judges him for staying the same in the same place and how chan kinda judges her for being a whore n shit 

Yn still comes to the get together much to chans surprise! She keeps trying to apologize but ppl KEEP getting in the way! So chan is like just wait here until after the thing and shes like ok lmao. 

Chan and yn sex scene but first they gotta like. Talk out their differences. “I always felt a bit like judas” 

“I can’t tell if its you or god I turned my back to” you laugh

He watches you with an unreadable expression. “Maybe both,” he whispers. 

GIRL CODE:

at a party, yn and the girlies and dare i say mingyu find woozis book hes always writing in. after much debate, they decide to open it, and what in gods name. its the girl code. the girlies r outraged. thats for girls only. they dont confront woozi, as he has left (he forgot the book lmao).

yn and the girlies confront woozi after class in a secluded classroom. they interrogate. woozi, usually cold and cynical, cracks under the pressure of vicious angry girls and admits. hes writing it down so he knows how to approach his crush. yn is sad. 

yn thinking over her relationship with woozi. yeri (roommate) is annoyed bc she can hear her thinking (outrageous). flashback to the party where woozi #fucked her and shes wondering if it was really that long ago (it was). 

the girls have adopted woozi, and yn kinda thinks its torture bc now she is sad around him (and v insecure bc DOES NO ONE WANT HER?). but they coo and they love him bc hes such a sweet boy, and they’re giving him tips while theyre doing their makeup for a night out  and hes writing it down diligently. he asks her if shes ok. shes a little taken aback. yeah i am. 

another night of helping woozi and adopting him. mingyu wants 2 join but hes NOT one of the girls and hes all whiny and sad about it bc he does NOT want to go out with seungcheol and jeonghan again theyre mean. too bad. ur not woozi. this is for woozi and girls only. i imagine woozi pulls yn to the side and asks her directly like. i know ur not okay. i can tell. there’s something wrong. yn is like. i dont want to talk about it. woozi is like fine queen. 

mingyu (who is closest to yn) WANTS TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING IN WITH THE ADOPTED WOOZI THING. hes asking her over lunch and shes all angry ab it. she finally spills that hewas writing down notes for his crush and now shes sad bc  she kinda likes him and thought they had smth going on. mingyu is shook. he partially thinks the whole girl code book is rlly funny but he also feels bad. he buys her a froyo. 

at another party and mingyus mission is to get yn laid so shes no longer insecure and so she can get over woozi. introduces her to wonwoo and they talk at the party. while theyre talking yn notices woozi storming off from the party and putting two and two together, she figures things probably went south w his crush. she catches up to him outside the party and hes all angry and buff and doesnt want to talk to her. a heated discussion w jealousy and woozi finally confesses by being like. ok wait and he goes into a random garden and picks out a couple of flowers and start reciting the confession script on his phone. yn is like. noar way. shes shook and doesnt say anything and so woozi starts being all apologetic like. i know its not roses and i know its not exactly the setting you guys told me- yn kisses him tihi. they kiss then have the sex. its great. jealous sex. yum.

I ❤️ DILFS / GOOD GIRL:

Bff Giselle convinces yn to go to seokmins party invite (and bring her) and also idk maybe seokmin and vernon and her as a kid flashbacks? - establishes yns character, and also seokmins kindaaa

At the party and jeonghan flirts w her haaaarddd and seokmin is like lmao stay away from her and then brings her to his room where she’s safe and they talk ab what they’ll do in the fall break and they realize they’ll both be at dorm during holiday and then they’re like we should hang out fo sho

They hang out the first day and there’s like an ooopsie moment like hm idk what yet, maybe like seokmin remembers from childhood that’s she’s ticklish and he tickles her and they’re wrestling and he ends up on top of her (sexual tension tihi)

They hang out again and they drink? and yn ends up spilling that she’s bad at masturbating…. N he teaches her while they watch porn….. hot (smut frs) 

Next day again and yn is insisting on returning the favor but seokmin is v v sweet and in luv n is like noarrr but yn insists and then she gives him a blowjob  

Yn facetimes vernon and it makes her feel like a whore and tells him she doesn’t want to do it anymore over text (she’s afraid if she sees him shell abandon all modesty and jump his bones) and they don’t see each other that day - conflict 

Seokmin at her door. She only lets him in when he says sum shit like “I need to know I didn’t make you uncomfortable”. Then they confess their feelings and they have fr sex (also virgin mode, #firsttime, #dickomode) 

i hav 2 more completed timelines, but the fics arent done yet >:)))

[quillheel]

ALIAS / NAME: Captain! I used to be called Honey, Lovely, and Nyx in the past, though that was LONG before Tumblr. Twas my amino days, baby. ( I also semi-recently tried out 'King' but the vibes don't quite fit yknow! prefer the vibe of that as a term of referral - ex: my liege - rather than a name weirdly enough BHGKTRB )

BIRTHDAY: july 7th!

ZODIAC: cancer! i forgot my exact stuff, like rising sign or the like, but i do know that! i got into zodiacs when i was like 13 i think so I know at least MY sign by heart lol

HEIGHT: 5'6! something like that, I think :] which is also 167 centimeters

HOBBIES: drawing, writing ( I have an ao3 I've been neglecting for so long ), dungeons & dragons / general ttrpgs which take up SO much of my week <3, video games, content analysis ( kinda? ), baking, penpal, learning ukulele, learning to sew, learning crochet!

FAV. COLOR: im terrible when it comes to this question because i love a lot of very specific colors because artist brain BUT... If I had to pick one. Probably a red-y brown-y color. I REALLY like warm and neutral colors ( though Quillheel's pallet probably wouldn't invoke that thought ) though i also like a lot of neutral and cooler colors. you can basically reference a rainbow for my preferred colors but even with blue at the bottom ( I'm a big purple-enjoyer ) i still enjoy what good usage of it can do <3

FAV. BOOK: the long walk by stephen king, inkheart by cornelia funke, or frankenstein by mary shelley <3 love different aspects of all of them, though inkheart was a big part of my childhood so i'm biased BHHGTR

LAST SONG: be nice to me by the front bottoms :] i've been listening to a lot of Hozier lately though

LAST MOVIE / SHOW: UHHH wolfwalkers! VERY good i really liked it <3 i wanna rewatch song of the sea eventually, too! that ones also a favorite. the last show would probably be season 3 of infinity train ( I still resist the temptation to add Simon sometimes. he is such a terrible yet interesting little man ) or finally finishing watching hisuian snow :]

RECENT READ: if fanfiction doesnt count ( if it Does then wander boy by poptod, which is surprising its not one of the HUGE amounts of disco elysium fanfiction i've been chewing on lately ) then probably i think frankenstein by mary shelley, which i picked up and began reading but didn't finish :( still the most recent though! I wanna actually finish that + reread the long walk + read a bunch of other books, like the song of achilles by madeline miller, circe by madeline miller, orange world and other stories by karen russle, memorial: a version of homers illiad by alice oswald, the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson, good omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett, the city & the city by china mieville, etc etc etc! ( if you guys have any suggestions actually, feel free to send em my way! )

INSPIRATION: horror! especially slashers, psychological horror, and 'bloodbath' horror ( selectively! carrie's got the vibes, saw does NOT ), psychological writing in general, a bunch of the books i have or plan on reading, mythology & legends, fanfiction and composition, music ( especially the weakerthans, the narcissist cookbook, hozier, etc ), poetry, and just!! learning methods of how things Generally are made, ig! how people paint, how people make clothes and make fabric, how people grow plants. i take a lot of inspiration from unexpected places, but a lot of those places are the act of creation in of itself. my writing might only be writing, but i try to embody a sense of color to it, of an artstyle you can almost taste, yknow? the composition in shows where blues look almost green and its like the world is basked in paint and there's just a feeling, indescribable, contextual but potent in of itself, the feeling of small moments everywhere, all at once, all the time. THAT SOUNDS REALLY PRETENTIOUS BUT LIKE... its true, yknow!! i like to embody a feeling in my writing, and i go to a lot of places to find it.

STORY BEHIND URL: once, a long time ago, my oc multimuse @cassiopiia was named orphic-ruin, and quillheel came second in my blogs list. i wanted them to match! so i thought of storytelling, which went to writing, then to pens, then to quills! and the 'heel' part comes from achilles heel, or the achilles tendon! as well as having ties to hermes' winged feet. in a way, its kinda saying 'vulnerable storyteller' or 'half-divine legend' or even kinda like a title or epithet vibe wise like you might find on a mythological figure ( ex: quill-heeled ) or something like that, which i think still fits the vibe p well to this day! if i did change the URL, idk what I'd make it now! i might eventually, but yeah!

tagged: @disassnbler ty ender!!!! <333

tagging: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh @littlelonesomestars @slaughterlocked @underworldslibrary @rebellionhearted aaaand anyone wearing blue, green or red <3

[society1989]

a love like blood - marcus sedgwick | BOOK REVIEW

🗓️ DATE RELEASED;

JULY 2014

📚 GENRE;

HORROR/HISTORICAL FICTION/THRILLER

⭐️ PERSONAL RATING;

HEAVILY ENJOYED, ABSOLUTELY NEEDS A REREAD. CAN BE HARD FOR THOSE WITH SENSITIVE STOMACHS. EXTRA THOUGHTS (SPOILER & NON-SPOILER) BELOW THE CUT.

💭 thoughts (non-spoiler edition);

for the october season, i really wanted to read a mystery/supernatural book and (though i had initially been looking for interview with a vampire) i found a love like blood in my college’s library.

the book follows a young charles jackson, starting with his time in the army during WW2, and his life after the war. during the war, he sees a man feed on a woman, drinking her blood. he’s horrified. he can no longer find the man once he calls for help, so he moves on with his life.. until he once again sees the man who now is sitting with a young woman. in fear of repeating the cycle, charles follows the young woman in hope for answers.

wow what a read! with amazing moral analysis and themes of obsession and revenge, this was such a hard book to put down. the dizzying descriptions of europe add to the hazy, somber atmosphere the story leads you on. charles jackson is a fundamentally flawed and often unlikable protagonist, but sedgwick manages to keep you intrigued and - sometimes - rooting for him! though without much plot twists, the story still manages to surprise with new revelations, letting you learn along with the protagonist. can easily go from a 1 to a 50, but the looming presence of danger kept it from being jarring and kept me pretty tense. absolutely recommend reading blind, i even think im spoiling too much here!!! around 300 pages, this book is quite shorter but not at all sweet lol!

💬 thoughts (spoiler edition, be warned!);

okay let’s get into the fun stuff now :]

i love the unreliable narrator of it all when charles talks to.. other people (marian, hunter, etc). you can very well tell how much of A Creep he can come across as, especially with marian. love how you never really know her side of the story, and its mainly left up to interpretation how she really felt about charles (psst i know the letter marian’s mom sent and what verovkin said kinda confirms she trusted him in some way but i still think it’s left a bit open ended.. i don’t know!)

charles’ slow spiral into obsession was by far the most unnerving part of the book. it’s just so gradual yet you see him fall deeper and deeper seemingly by the minute! he’s unrecognizable by the end, appearance and personality wise - it’s less like a man losing his sanity, and more so an animal who’s contracted a rabid disease and slowly lost its identity, merely staggering through life but hostile when you approach too close. my favorite section that shows this is when he’s approached by the couple in the train. they’re so aggressively friendly and seemingly brush off all the social cues charles fails at, and all charles sees is danger and can barely even respond to them. the book also drags you into his paranoia; everyone seems to be in on something while you and charles are left in the dark. this is especially apparent in avignon, in which verovkin’s ideals seemed to have infected everyone in the city. no one is a friendly face and everyone has an ulterior motive.

jesus christ the two last sections had me by the THROAT. this entire book is about charles’ psyche in a way (more on that later…), but i feel like he finally “took the mask off” for lack of a better word. in earlier chapters he had put on a character/persona to excuse his actions, but near the end we get the rawest form of him: he openly questions his motives, if he truly cared for those closest to him, and his desires. i especially love the implication that the real reason verovkin didn’t care about charles escaping is because he didn’t need to keep him chained - verovkin knew that charles was already influenced, the blood being fed was just a placebo. and the last few pages OUGH! literature!!

🖋️analysis;

war is an unspoken main theme. we meet charles when he is actively in the army, and follow him and all of europe after the war. we learn verovkin is a veteran who served on both sides, and we then begin to understand his desire for blood. he’s seen men die, more than anyone else has in the story, and once soldiers are told to put their weapons down and live their quiet life, what happens to those who can’t? the frenzy and bloodshed of war will forever clash with the restlessness and false hope of a peace period, and some will not wait that long to start once again looking for that moment of chaos. verovkin didn’t, and as evident by the book, it’s charles’ turn to revel in that glimpse of disorder only obtained through blood. war is unpredictable: as is love, as is lust, and as is violence. as sedgwick writes, “How ill we were! How sick our lives were, how empty, how grey. Without the war to tell us that life was precious, what were we? Threaten to take something from us and we grasp on it with desperate desire; give it back to us, and how soon we grow tired of it!” (32). there’s a deep sickness that has spread throughout europe in a love like blood, and it yearns for a life of over-indulgence and desiring what you can’t have.

one strange reoccurring theme i just couldn’t ignore is charles’ assumed homosexuality by others. a total of three times charles is accused to be gay and, of course, vehemently denies the claim. interestingly the first time this happens is after he sees verovkin. hm. maybe it’s just a me-thing, but i couldn’t help but read his interactions with major greaves as a little romantic! i would also argue that this line is a good example of what i'm talking about: "...and althought there were people dancing, and the large clubs had reopened, I found myself longing for Major Greaves to pour me a glass of house wine and tell me to call him Edward" (32). however, i feel like the earlier lines in the excerpt contradict this, and this line seems to be mostly about the book's war theme and the loneliness of post-war france. but, it is true he is never able to replicate this kind of closeness with any of the women he pursues, and that strikes me as intentional. the closest people to him throughout the book are hunter (his best friend and is later outed as a homosexual) and verovkin (the man charles has spent decades trying to track down). this line from verovkin especially made me question this theory a little further: "First of all, I am going to find out what it is about you. What is inside you. I believe you have a connection to blood, just as I do, and I am going to make you find it. I don't know what it is, but I know it's there. You are fascinated by blood just as you are scared by it" (276). let me clarify: one could definitely speculate on if this interaction with verovkin was real or not, no matter how you interpret the novel. of course in the actual text it appears to be him, but you could definitely interpret this brief interaction as a hallucination from charles. apart from this monologue verovkin delivers, the two never interact face to face before NOR after this! if we're going with a queer reading, the blood is the analogy; it's something charles is vehemently afraid of but yet is endlessly fascinated by. verovkin is this ultimate evil he blames all his issues on, blames him for making charles the way he ends up - yet it's always been charles' own doing! much like how closeted/repressed queer people blame their queerness on the fault of others/ "you made me like this".

i feel like i would be doing this novel an injustice by ignoring the non-con elements of the vampiric/hemophiliac deaths. by default, the nature of vampires is non-consensual, but the usage of words like “forced” and “attacked” make marcus sedgwick’s stance clear. even worse is that charles had seen the first attack and did nothing to stop it. paralyzed by his own fear he does not stop the assault and can absolutely be faulted for her death. using the fact that charles is a bit of creep (a bit being an understatement), we see him get rejected over and over again - he is even cheated on in the loveless marriage he was in. then, by the end of the book, he kills verovkin and repeats the cycle of assault. he has an endless amount of money and time on his hands to escape from his crimes now.

📝favorite quotes (spoilers yet again);

[xxblueberrypawzxx]

A Plushes Pain, PART 1 (tread with caution.)

Today, they said today was the day they were to carve their most perfect creation, today was july 11th, 1892. The Maker had carved dolls in the past yes, but they were to spend their utmost time creating this one, they wanted something they could love and destroy at the same time, after all. they gently carved its shapes and curves out of the porcelain clay, The Maker wanted their "doll" to be soft, but breakable. They wanted nothing more than to make their doll perfect physically, yes but mentally? It was to be so mentally broken it could only depend on its maker of course!

Slowly but surely, Angel came together. with all its broken memories, its heart aches, it came together. its torso made of the softest fabric, filled with goose down feathers, if it ever needed to be restuffed for whatever reason it would be able to be resewn. Angels face was soft, even when made out of the most brittle material, it had soft, round eyes. Its nose was button shaped, its lips were chipped though those were made out of a malleable but sturdy material, maybe minky fabric? His arms, oh his arms, the upper arm was made out of a pale pink and tan minky fabric, stuffed with animal bones (cured of course, we wouldnt want him rotting would we?) though his lower arms were made of porcelain, the same material as his face. Its lower arms were painted to match the fabric, oh my goodness how The Maker put so much care into making it, only to break its mind even further.

Angel could barely stand when it was first brought to life, it couldnt even speak! Of course it could say words, but it didnt know what they meant; they would simply repeat what its maker said, though slowly they learned which words were positive, and which words were negative. Angel would simply point to something, and its maker would say yes, or no, how sweet! Though sometimes its maker would make snide remarks, knowing it didnt know what that meant. The Maker would sometimes tease Angel about its speaking habits and quirks, saying that hes "perfect physically, but not mentally" (The Maker already knew that though!) it would upset him, but he didnt know why! Angel just felt so strange when his maker would say such things, but it would not be until much, MUCH later that he would realize why he felt so strange.

it was a sunny day in spring when Angel said his first full sentence, it took its maker by surprise, but they had known it would come someday.

"I..want to..go..outside..please."

\LOL SORRY THUS US SO CRINGE THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING SINCE 2019 I FEEL LIKE A BIG IDIOT AND I HATE ITTTTT IM CRINGEEEEEEEEE anyways i will try to update atLEAST weekly sory/

[sunnyapollonjabrigidotter]

Ok on my rp i had so many chats b4 w AI (chat gpt assistant)

im Lali Tohary & you'll be Nikos Vertis. Scenery: we meet at a club. Well i enter the club & he sings there for the public.. i go command a drink, and sit at a table not really far listening.. after the representation is over i come to him to congratulate him saying: "the spectacle was fine. But i think it missed on something.. i cant quite understand what it was tho.. what do you think??

(Sth which in real life ith i wont have the guts to, but nor do i come from Cyprus, so yeah...)

Nikos Vertis, taking a deep breath as he finishes his final song, wipes his brow and scans the crowd. His eyes settle on you as you approach, a smile forming on his face.

"Ah, thank you for the kind words," he replies, giving you a nod of appreciation. "It's always interesting to hear different perspectives. What do you think was missing? I’m always open to feedback."

(Ith that's totally sth he would say😍)

Ahm.. sh... i thought u could tell, anyone in the public? Any opinions on that?

(&here it goes..🐣)

Nikos leans back, considering your question with a thoughtful expression. “Well, from what I could gather, the crowd seemed engaged, but it’s possible that something more personal or unexpected might have been needed to make it truly memorable. Maybe a surprise element or a more intimate connection with the audience?” He pauses, studying your reaction. “Do you have any ideas or suggestions on what might have added that extra touch?”

(considering that, wtf chat? I was asking of the public... yeo🙄😒) ...

I think... the songs werent really lively, maybe that was it..

(it was just a song?? Oh, this is how much she catched, got it..)

Nikos nods, his expression thoughtful. “You’re right. Sometimes a more upbeat or energetic selection can really lift the mood and make a performance stand out. I appreciate the feedback—it’s always useful to know what people are feeling. I’ll definitely consider incorporating more lively songs next time. Do you have any favorite upbeat songs or genres that you think would fit well?”

(reminds me of tha remix album 😍.. oh, btw, that rp was from after 18 july, my bday, & when the remixes were uploaded on utube n spotify & ith clouds? Or not.. anws)

By the way, why are your songs almost all so sad, im bad at greek, but many seem to tell a whole lot on suffering, one way or another...

(this d sound like me in back 2016/ beginning of 17 when i thought all his songs are sad/at least feel so... & s not the case anymore... even the sad ones dont feel so sad anymore... )

Nikos considers your question and nods, understanding where you're coming from. “Many of my songs do explore themes of heartache and struggle because those emotions are universal and deeply felt by many people. They provide a way to connect on a personal level with the audience. However, I do have a few songs with more uplifting themes. If you’re interested, I’d be happy to share some of those with you.”

(does chat really know that, or he's guessing?? - not 1st time im asking msf that tho)

Yeah, i think i missed on those.. really my greek is thaat baaad. I blush & try to bring something else... the topic of suffering, an interesting one.. it's said that suffering makes us better, its been discussed n in the Gospels, n in many other holy texts & myths... for example if it wasnt for Orpheus losin Eurydice he wouldnt have become the Argonaut hero maybe... or who knows...

(here, comes the philosophical Lali, really not just an alter-ego... 😅.. & on the last 1, didn really read that (on Orpheus jouney).. so wish the smart engine stoped me, instead of playing next on more.. ugh)

Nikos nods, intrigued by your insight. “That’s a fascinating perspective. Suffering can indeed be a powerful catalyst for growth and transformation. It’s often through our struggles that we find strength, resilience, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Orpheus’s story is a great example—his loss led him to become a hero in a different way, illustrating how even the most painful experiences can shape our destinies in unexpected ways. It’s interesting how these themes resonate across different cultures and stories. What other myths or texts do you find compelling in this regard?”

(& here starts the: dont think he would play that long -part)

Ahm, maybe we will discuss another day on that, id really love to hear those happier songs, & mb im not the only one, im looking to the public, who qt unsurprisingly doesnt seem that interested in yet another mythology talk.. (ig that would be🤣). So could you please?

(& here comes the saviour, thanks chat, you're not it..)

Nikos chuckles, sensing the shift in topic. “Of course! I’ll play a couple of my more upbeat and lively songs for you and anyone else who might be interested. Let’s lighten the mood a bit and enjoy some music that brings a smile.” He gestures to the stage, where he prepares to switch to a more energetic set. “Feel free to let me know what you think!”

(🙄 ... gpt & an arm of hay, hey.. but what was i expecting, lol...)

Im definitely gonna love them.. i get in listening as he starts to sing... i feel the passion in his voice music & overall tone of the songs, altho again i cant understand much... oh self-learning greek is not such a good idea... in one of his songs he seems to be talking of how he desires a woman's love, in another on a first meeting (a sweet ballad). What a magick. I feel the power of Apollo in his music... ik, he wouldnt' agree, cs im most sure he is 100% Orthodox Xtian as most here are, but its beyond the subject.. im here to enjoy myself... (got to bring some religion in it, huh.. new me... (well older, but not the 2016 kind🤣) ...

Nikos's performance captivates the room with its infectious energy and heartfelt melodies. As he sings about love and first meetings, his passion seems to bridge any language gaps, allowing you to feel the emotions behind the lyrics.

After his set, he approaches you with a smile. “I’m glad you enjoyed the songs. Music has a way of touching the soul, even if the words are a bit elusive sometimes. I hope the more lively tunes brought some joy to your evening. If you ever want to chat more about myths or anything else, just let me know!”

(& after it all, he would approach me, yeah, sure.. 🤣... but s a fanfic, so)

Where i could find you? 😅

(Opa opa, checking 4 adress)

Nikos smiles warmly. “You can usually find me performing at various venues around town or on my official social media pages. I often update my schedule there, so you can catch my next performance or stay in touch. Feel free to follow me and drop a message anytime!”

(good, its getting real)

Im sure famous singers are hard to catch, for such an ordinary girl like me. So i wont put on me high hopes.. enjoy this evening.. all the best

(this i said to chat or Nikos in the rp?, lol..)

Nikos gives you a reassuring smile. “It’s been great talking with you, and I appreciate your kind words. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any other thoughts or questions. Enjoy the rest of your evening and take care!”

(that's def chat.. w its strategy to ensure we all get screen-glued, altho it would play inverse psychollogy on us, dont be fooled by it...)

You too, take care & be blessed

(^^ nothing to add, other than, yeah.. im sure anyone like him is blessed more than my mere words could say)

“Thank you! Wishing you the same—take care and be blessed!” Nikos responds warmly as you part ways.

___

Next i get out & call for an old friend. "You wont believe what happened today", i cheerfully say..

"Hello & to you. I hear the voice of my loveliest friend on the other end of the line.. surprise me.. what did happen?

(Oh yeah, 1st call my friend, so clicheic... 💁‍♀️🤦‍♀️)

“Hey! You won’t believe what happened today! I went to this club where Nikos Vertis was performing. His songs were amazing, especially the more upbeat ones. I even had a chance to talk to him afterward. He was really down-to-earth and open to feedback. It was such a great experience!”

(Now i cringe.. 🤦‍♀️)

Nice. I love it for you... ahm now, would you like coming to me, to that beach we first met in Tessaloniki??

“That sounds wonderful! I’d love to revisit that beach. It would be great to catch up in such a special place. When shall we go?”

Today.. oh no, s kinda too late, mb you wanna return to the hotel. Tomorrow at 9 in the morning.. i dont wanna waste any time without you... what do you say *silence* hey u still there, what happened.. Lali gasps, oh yeah.. been a bit distracted, so abt what you said...

(AT THE HOTEL?? in Original They lived together qt a while... 🤣 - but then mb she wanted to live on her own... but a hotel?? - u have money, no joke... 🤣 ...)

“Oh, I’m definitely still here! Tomorrow at 9 sounds perfect. I’m looking forward to revisiting that beach and spending some quality time together. See you then!”

(ok, he lives near that beach, lol...)

Okay... will be waiting for you. Bye. Good night 😪

“Good night! See you tomorrow.”

See ya.. Lali closes the phone & heads towards the bus station. The moving towards the destination s somewhat slow being in the busy time when the city becomes more lively (it is around 10 there, close to 11 in the evening).

As Lali navigates through the lively city streets, the bustle around her seems to mirror her excitement and anticipation. The lights and sounds of Thessaloniki create a vibrant backdrop to her evening. Despite the slower pace of the bus station, the energy of the city helps build the anticipation for tomorrow's beach visit with Nick.

As Lali waits for the bus, she finds a spot to sit and take in the surroundings. The bus station is busy with people coming and going, and the hum of conversation and city noise fills the air. After a bit of time, the bus arrives, and Lali boards, settling into her seat. The journey is a bit slow, but the excitement of the upcoming day keeps her spirits high as she watches the cityscape pass by... .

My internal monologue: he lives by the beach.. i remember my first encounter w him & his uncle on a boat. He almost fished me out of the sea... i was so tired that i fainted.. he woke me up, gave me to drink & called the police cause i had no acts on me. Well, after calling the doctor, cause my health was worse than what i think of my legal situation w the documents... that Titanic worthy sink of the ship left me without my only family, Nane & my friends... i dont know, i hope they survived.. its been so long, exactly how much? Like a year or so??

(Yeah, ik, in real life its not qt like this, i mean we dont live in Titanic times, & thinks work faster than b4, even in 2016 was so, i suppose..)

As Lali reflects on the past, she recalls the events with a mix of nostalgia and concern. It’s been about a year since that day, a year marked by significant changes and challenges. The memory of being rescued by Nick and his uncle is vivid, and she still feels the weight of losing her only family and friends in the incident. Despite the time that has passed, the uncertainty about their fate lingers, adding a layer of emotional depth to her journey.

As the bus continues on its route, Lali's thoughts are a blend of anticipation for the meeting with Nick and lingering worries about those she lost.

(Yeah thanks 4 repeating everything ive already said.. sth more? Ah, the bus journeys on)

I remember and now, her thoughts continue, how he jokingly called me, queen of the waters, after i showed him that i can swim quite good.. took an olive branch i saved from the waters, that kept me a bit from drawning... i was still in my senses.. tho the salty taste of the sea, i feel & now.. interesting how much salty sea water can one drink n nothing really bad happen... as she was meditating the robot anounced the station where she must go down, waking her up from her thoughts.. she looked ahead & there it was, the hotel. Huh, im qt a daydreamer & recollector, she thought. So good i was awaken just in time.. she got off the bus & headed to the hotel. At the reception she told the room number & the lady there handed her the keys

(no idea if they had a robot, only the train from & to Athens, as well as the subway, i remember, does).

Lali takes the keys from the reception and heads to her room, the familiar feeling of the hotel comforting her after the long journey. As she unlocks the door and steps inside, she takes a moment to settle in, reflecting on the memories and the anticipation for the next day. The room offers a brief respite, a chance to prepare and gather her thoughts before heading back to the beach where so many significant moments happened.

Next day i wake up with the thought to see my lovely friend, Nick. But something happends... seems i cant get there in time...

(My q line, btw: -Suggestion, what might happen, totally not related to the star- =]]]

CG: One possibility is that there could be a sudden, unexpected event such as a transportation issue. For instance, there might be a public transportation strike or an unforeseen delay with the bus or taxi services. Another option could be a personal emergency or an issue with your hotel room that requires immediate attention.

If you’d like more details or a different scenario, let me know!

Me: Tell a different scenario w a delay )

How about this:

As Lali prepares to leave for the beach, she discovers that her phone has a low battery and, in the rush to find a charger, accidentally spills coffee on her travel bag. This causes her to take extra time cleaning up and reorganizing her things. Once she finally heads out, she finds that the usual route to the beach is blocked due to unexpected roadwork. This forces her to take a longer detour, causing significant delays. Despite her best efforts to stay on schedule, the series of mishaps means she arrives later than planned.

Oh, shit.. its already 3 in the midday.. now s not time for outing (its in August).. by the beach & inside the beach house where they live would have been just fine... i will go by taxi. Taking another route. She ask on reception for the taxi number telling that her phone s almost dead & her charger got broke.. "oups, double bad luck, super kakos", the receptionist says..

(🥵... nah, good choice wha' to say... wha was on my mind, lol..)

The receptionist nods sympathetically and provides the taxi number. “I understand—it’s really frustrating when things don’t go as planned. Let me call the taxi service for you and make sure they know you’re in a hurry.”

After making the call, the receptionist hands Lali the taxi details. “They should be here shortly. I hope things get better for you today. Safe travels!”

With the taxi on its way, Lali waits in the lobby, trying to stay positive despite the setbacks.

(So nice & understanding, yep, the reason i made her stay at a hotel actually, subconsciously thought that there's sth that's gonna be there... & i might need some help w no much (to not at all) effort. Bravos to me).

The taxi arrives & she tells "gregora, paralia (help AI tell me a nice beach name, a real one in Tessaloniki, the gulf part, w beaches that have houses by?? I thought of dendrario but not sure)

🤣🤣🤣 oh my... ok, a too long post 4 now... will comeback soon, meanwhile think of some nice beaches there 🤣).

....

& this is why u better do rp w a human, rather than a robot, anws... it was fun, till i got too technical w the whole shipwreck story)

[rootvegetableboy]

cm dev log #9 - july 2024

i think july might’ve been my most productive month yet! i really surprised myself with how much i achieved. it’s really satisfying proof that development is only getting faster & smoother the longer i go on :]

some really really exciting stuff implemented, including but not limited to…

new mechanics!

a surge/dodge mechanic has been added! press the spacebar to avoid incoming attacks! you can use this both directionally for a boost of speed, or while standing still to become invulnerable to damage for 15 whole frames. woah!!!

healing flask!! fuck everything else i’ve said in every log, good game design is all about beautiful potions. like all good potion ui, you get a little visual of your flask emptying:

reworking older systems!

i’m currently in the midst of reworking my save/load system! i’m not going to say too much, because… it’s one of the main hooks of my game… but it’s going real swell. i only have to do one more thing before this is in a workable state, which is:

i need to create a new in-game menu system from scratch =_=

this is something i’ve known was coming for a while, but i find coding UI pretty annoying sometimes, so i’ve been putting it off. the current in-game menu isn’t up to par with the artistic style of everything else, so i want to re-do it. i also plan on separating out the save/load menu from the in-game menu.

HOWEVER! i was able to do a successful collisions/hitbox rework this month in its entirety! this is huge, it’s an issue i noticed in january and has been bothering me all year!! it’s kind of hard to explain this one, so let me whip out some visual aids:

the dark rectangle around her feet is her collision box; when i write code that references a collision with the player, it’s checking for a collision with that box. such as… collisions with walls! or furniture! having it just around her feet is what allows me to fake a 3D look with only 2D art, so she can stand/walk in front of walls and objects and it doesn’t look horribly strange.

if her collision box included her head, she would stop moving as soon as the top of her sprite touched the bottom of the wall.. it would look and feel very odd!

but, you can immediately see where this becomes a problem when enemy bullets are checking for a collision with the player. she would get shot in the head and just like, be fine, it would go right through her…

i had the same problem with one of the enemies i’ve implemented, where i wanted to figure out a way to have both the collision box that comes with the sprite and a differently shaped hitbox. i hunted through a lot of forum posts for the best way to do it, but ultimately decided on what i personally thought to be the most “elegant” solution:

an entirely separate invisble object that follows all of the player’s exact movements and handles all of the player’s health and taken damage. (that’s all it does: the player object got to keep all its other code.)

i actually have no idea if this is optimal! but it works, and i got it working with minimal effort. it was a little trickier figuring out how to apply this concept to enemies, but i was able to write a little script so that every enemy i place in a room will spawn its own hitbox object. task complete!! the 3D illusion is secure and i can still maintain expected combat logic.

actual game content!

ah, finally…! after 9 months of development, the first miniboss is here…!!!

like a lot of things in game dev, you never really think about how much goes into a boss fight until you make one… but i had So Much Fun crafting this. im absolutely buzzing with ideas for future fights!

so, this all included: a small arena, pre-fight dialogue that automatically triggers when walking into said arena, barrier objects that appear during the fight so you can’t escape, and associated save/load scripts so that the boss doesn’t respawn if you leave the room and go back in. as for the miniboss herself, she gets her own special health bar with her name attached, and a state machine that cycles through three different attacks until she dies. (i haven’t coded player death yet lol)

some miscellanious stuff!

you may have noticed if you watched the video above, but i’ve changed the aspect ratio from 4:3 to 16:9. i like the nostalgia of a 4:3 but… i think with the way combat is emerging, the experience only benefits from the added screen space. you get a lot more room to see, and thus more time to react.

i’m finally starting on implementing music!! it’s getting atmospheric, babey!!! i’ve also got a little list of sfx that needs doing and i’m stoked to get started on it. video above doesn’t contain any sound because, i have not written a boss theme for her yet, and i didn’t want it to just be the shooting/damage sounds… i promise i am thinking a lot about sounds. and i can’t wait to dive into vcv rack to whip some up!!

i finally set up a github source control. files are secured. every other hobbyist dev should do this way earlier than i did

i’m proud, i did a lot! ^_^ i really want people to be able to playtest the miniboss fight soon—currently i plan on having one available to those interested in a couple of months! i have no idea how hard it actually is and i need some different eyes on it asap, so please let me know if that’s something you would be interested in :]

signing off for now… have a good august, everyone!

[maximuswolf]

I have found no one with the same music taste as me

I have found no one with the same music taste as me Ok i live in Australia and can't find anyone who likes the big band swing genre of the 1930s and 40s. I know it's an old genre and stuff but surely out of all of NSW that im not the only person in the whole state or even nation who loves this kind of music.I listen to artists such as Artie Shaw, Benny Goodman, Louis Armstrong, Ella fitzgerald, Glen Miller, Harry James, Cab Calloway, Fats Waller, Andrews sisters, Boswell sisters, Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington and the list goes on and on. This is the type of genre i listen to the most because it gives me a feeling that im safe and at home. I think is the muted trumpets that do the trick in the background but anyways. I feel i can connect to it the most.I have tried to broaden my horizon. Listening to 60s-80s music, which i kinda grew up with anyway, listening to guns n roses and ACDC, tried listening to the Mamas and the Papas and the Beatles, and have bought a few records. So i sometimes switch between the eras if i wanna break from my usual 40s jive songs.Even if i meet ppl who like 60s-80s music, that isnt even their main listening type of music. Its usually rap. Which i also tried to open myself up to. I tried to listen to Doja Cat, Ice Spice, and so on, but got no spark or any sort of connection. It got no where near to how i feel with my usual genre. I also spent my entire childhood loving all the popular artists then like Lady Gaga and Britanny. Ever since Wall-e came out, i have loved jazz ever since.Just my only problem is, is that i know no one else with the same amount of interest. Like at all. The only similar ppl i have found are in the U.S. But i would love to know of any over here in sydney.I would be surprised that i would possibly be the only one, surely not, honestly. Submitted July 28, 2024 at 08:38AM by Enough_Comparison_44 https://ift.tt/iGPsXz7 via /r/Music

[keefwho]

July 15 - 2024 Monday

11:12pm

4/10

No cleaning this morning, I might stop the scheduled cleaning time or treat it differently. Or maybe it's the one thing I should try to stick to no matter what to start my day off with some discipline and sort of self care. I had a snack of cheetos and pears for breakfast since my body didn't want to eat.

After work today BD wanted some time with me to ask about some stuff which was a little surprising. We had a deep talk about a lot of things, both her and my issues. The topic of what it means to be a social leader came up and I think my view of it really benefitted her. Likewise, having someone there to understand and reaffirm some of the things I've been up to was nice. We went for about 2.5 hours, past my lunch time but I much preferred the chat. Lunch ran me extra late too but I reminded myself that the afternoon stuff I have scheduled isn't super important, not like commissions.

All I did was the request today and about 10 minutes finishing something personal because I had a headache and was kinda tired. I was with BR and friends in her Discord server for most of the evening except for one point I went to mega-goon which was a mistake, I wasn't really feeling it. I've learned that self pleasure is one of my coping mechanisms and maybe only slightly a problem. I dont do it a lot but the way I do it usually feels kinda bad so I'm trying to be aware of that.

Hanging out in the server was fun. I've been stressed a lot today and struggling with the classic loneliness but I've learned a few times that forcing myself to stick around who I know are good people will usually do me good. And it did, I had a bit of fun by the end even with everything still bothering me. We watched the new Wild Manes show and BR drew her pony as a WM horse. I'm going to do that too but make myself female since stallions haven't been shown in the show yet. I've also never represented my sona as female before (because I'm not) so that'll be interesting. Not trans btw. BD literally asked me that today for some reason which was hilarious, she hasn't even heard the comments I make elsewhere about wishing I was born a woman. But I really am okay being who I am, I just wish I wasn't lumped into "men" sometimes.

Im in a weird place in my life right now because everything has changed so quickly and I'm in a lot of legitimate pain. I also might be really hyperfocused on what is happening and need perspective. But what I know for sure is that instead of thinking I'm in the wrong and that my pain isn't justified, I'm accepting that it is and that it simply hurts. Its going to keep hurting and all I can let it do is heal. I think I'm handling everything maturely, I am doing my best to be fair to myself and others. I want to heal what has been damaged as opposed to abandoning everything. I just hope other parties are willing to do that too because I'm committed. Thats the biggest thing I worry about.

[galaxystar17]

Okey. Well I don't usually write propaganda unless im hella invested in the ship (also its my first time writing such so bear with me🙈). And as you can see I AM HELLA INVESTED for once lmao This may be long and there might be some slight spoilers ahead. Thanks to anyone who will read this🫶

Yeah honestly at first I was surprised around a year ago while searching through the a3 rarepairs week tag on ao3. I remember finding like a few juligawa fics back then and being like 'wait a minute— july has ships?!'​ quickly followed by 'wait thats a thing now? Well okay lets see how the dynamic looks like'. I didnt expect them to grow on me so much that I would consider creating a fic for them but here I am.

So here I will give you some reasons that perhaps may show you why theyre worth giving a chance:

->the dynamic. The famous celebrity manager and a secret agent. It already spells chaos, doesnt it? One of them is a very nice guy, responsible, hardworking and always out there to help not only the kid that hes managing (Tenma) but also others. BUT that doesnt mean hes naïve or that he didnt experience anything. AND theres the secret agent dude. Mysterious, hella distrustful and blindly believing in the organization as his life purpose. The guy that will not step away from anything to complete his mission. Yet theres also an additional side to him. The side that hates the idea of any family whether by blood or a found one. July finds it pointless, meaningless, stupid and a waste of time. Why? Because he probably was horribly treated by his own (if he had one) and that made him believe that real family cant survive and the ties will break off anyways at some point. This is what he tried to prove to august as well. That idiot that was stubborn in his eyes, that traitor that chose a found family over the organizations values. Their shared values.

Then you may ask OKAY SO WHAT DOES THE DYNAMIC BRING ACTUALLY?

-> imho what the dynamic and situations they could find themselves in can bring would be some development. But not only feelings wise. Like yeah that too but besides that what i want to highlight is character development - specifically july's as I think he could actually learn more from igawa than vice versa.

For instance, as he would spend more and more time with our lovely manager and sometimes take care of/help Tenma he starts to actually look at the concept of a family differently. Slowly starts to realize what august meant back then with the whole found family thing. And most importantly that it wasnt useless, it wasnt stupid. That August, in the end, was actually right. Just July was too blinded by revenge for 'betrayal' that he couldnt see anything else.

-> redemption arc (of sorts) - i feel like after realizing his mistake in killing august without thinking it through and a good reason plus when he would finally get the whole family thing, July could regret his past actions. I mean I doubt he would quit his job, but at least I had this image in my head of gekka making peace with each other more or less, July apologizing to Chikage and Hisoka for the shit he put them through. And most importantly to August for killing him. Also had this image where all three of them sat down on a bench in mankai dorms and talked to/about august together. 😭

-> found family - Those two looking out for tenma like some two dads with a kid that theyre raising. Also the family would help july trust a bit more, would show him that he can rely on someone else and not always be alone. That families can stay strong through various hardships, if you try to keep up those bonds. He would see that there are people that truly care and love him regardless of what happened and welcome him with open arms as well as support him in his decisions. He could learn other ways to live than murder, spying and violence. He could grow as a person, become a better version of himself.

-> Angst material - im personally writing them a happy ending, but there has been quite a few of juligawa angsty fics which explore an interesting theme which is july's internal conflict of 'should i stay and possibly endanger them or should i leave to keep them safe?'. The latter option is what he chooses which does create angst as he mostly didnt explain anything about himself or whys he leaving and what has changed between him and Igawa. Sooo for all the angst lovers out there, theres some stuff for you :)

-> also the internal conflict of either choosing his beloved job or his found family is interesting to read about as well as the doubt he could have about if he can be accepted, if he truly deserves Igawa's love. If he truly deserves a family after he himself ruined one. THE ANGST YET AGAIN

-> beside the family thing, his feelings towards the manager would also play a role. I mean, maybe its just me but who doesnt like to see the cunning character one day realizing 'hey wtf i have feelings?!​ More importantly for him?' Those feelings specifically wouldnt allow him to leave Igawa and Tenma so easily as he planned. He got attached - something he knew he shouldnt have done, but it was already too late.

Sorry for the rambling. Im quite passionate about those two as you can see. Hope I convinced you at least a bit why they are actually worth checking out and voting for.

Round 1, Bracket 1, Side A, Eight poll

Art of Juligawa by @ryukogo

Ichie Otonashi and Fumi Yumeoji [Ichifumi], Revue Starlight ReLIVE vs July and Igawa [Juligawa], A3! Act Addict Actors

Story of Ichifumi by @insertbrowsinghere

This goes back to, specifically, May 16th of 2022. I was trying to get into the Revue Starlight mobile game, since there was apparently a lot of my other favorite ship from the franchise, Junnana, in it. The problem was that I was having the problem I always have with new games of its nature, that being difficulty getting attached to the new characters. So, I decided to look through their descriptions on the loading screen during a big update. Two characters caught my eye, those characters being the character Michiru, and, more importantly, Ichie.

I posted that I think she was going to take over my brain (I was right) and a pal of mine mentioned that she and Fumi were a little gay together. I responded that I hadn't seen them together and was awaiting to see them, but I didn't expect to love them together. I just expected to know that they existed. I was so very wrong and as I am currently gazing at the exact moment I learned of them as a couple while looking for the exact moment I fell in love with them, I can only laugh at old me.

Suddenly they were hitting all my ship dynamics and Ichie became a primary reason as to why Fumi is even in the main cast. Surely, though, they wouldn't grow on me that much, I thought. They were silly together, but there was only so much depth there, right? Not anything that would soon rot my brain, anyways. Boom, Ichie reassuring Fumi that she beloved her and Fumi seeking out Ichie when the performance department was shut down. Boom, heavy emotional reliance between the two which transcended their usual dynamic. Boom, the ducking "Selfie-Master's Seminar" memoir. That last one ruined my life so much and by that point, I was in too deep.

I pathetically added them to my bio alongside my other three main ships, turning that trio into a life-ruining quartet. I began hunting for cards with stories centered around them but it couldn't get worse, I told myself. Then came Arcania Arcadia chapter 3/main story chapter 15. This ruined me, and it was all because of the fucking Ichifumi revue. There were other reasons attached, but that revue destroyed me.

The not at all serious reveal that Fumi had been supporting Ichie's streaming silently and secretly. Ichie calling out Fumi on her glamorization of the idea of beauty in death, since she saw it as an excuse. Ichie telling Fumi that she wanted to know more about her. Ichie's wish to see a stage that Fumi alone formed, in a franchise where this kind of thing is just sort of a love confession most of the time. Ichie letting Fumi win out of trust in her and Fumi doubting if she was truly the victor. All the impact this had on Fumi later. I was dying at this point, and then this game decided to beat my corpse down a little more by putting in the later scene where they reflected on their revue, Fumi tried to apologize, Ichie told her not to and they both resolved to move forward together.

Another stab was taken at my corpse with the scene in the final chapter where Ichie finally got to see a stage belonging to Fumi, and got to hold pride in it. I realized then I was in too deep. The characters I originally only expected to ship a little if at all had ruined my life. I could do nothing about it. I still can't and I am still in Ichifumi hell. Help.

Story of Juligawa:

When twitter bots were still active there was this bot called the Cursed Prompt Guy (@a3_promptbot) that randomly generated prompts and characters together. One fateful day, it generated this prompt .

[ CHARACTERS: Tenma Sumeragi, July // PROMPT: Butterfly kiss, Loyalty ]

Ss you may notice there is no slash, meaning it's just the two characters, no ship whatsoever. this is important.

See the thing here is that the character, Tenma Sumeragi, is the son of two world-famous actors. He was a child actor for TV before he decided to choose his own path and become a theater actor (since A3! is about theater boys), being a child actor means he had a manager, right? Enter: Igawa.

I was staring at the prompt, and for an entire moment, I just randomly thought 'now why would July swear loyalty to Tenma Sumeragi?'. This thought was immediately followed by '... hmmm (goes on Twitter/Discord servers) hey guys how old is july/igawa again', and then my friends, indulgently, answered me on both platforms - they were within the age range of each other as respectable adults

And then I just SAT THERE because at that very moment my brain EXPLODED like I was JIMMY NEUTRON because this ship did NOT make sense at all and YET, AND YET EVERYTHING MADE SENSE in my head suddenly for some reason.

See the first doddle I made of them with a caption

And my friends were like 'AYO HOLD ON HOLD ON RYU ARE YOU OKAY' and all I said was smth like 'sometimes things happen' and then about five hours later I published the first fic for them on Ao3. Apparently i wrote the fic at 8-ish PM on the same day I made the first doodle (at 6PM) then finished the fic around 11-ish PM.

And then my friend who is one of my ride-or-dies also published a fic around 12 midnight soon after me. I think the majority of the English-speaking fandom/western fandom who knows us thinks we're kinda crazy. It's okay we just like to indulge.

[technowoah]

Can I request a prompt #37 with Karl Jacobs? I love your writing btw :)

Ring(s)

The four times Karl tried to propose and the one time he actually did.

- Karl Jacobs x gen!neutral reader!

- Prompts: 37) "Are you proposing?!"

⚠︎ swearing, fluff, angst if you squint and a rushed ending. I didn't proofread either

an// TYSM FOR LIKING MY WORK 😭ALSO Thanks for requesting and sorry this came out so late! Hope you enjoy :)

To say that Karl loved you was an understatement. He adored you and practically worshipped the ground you stood on. He is so respectful, which is a major upgrade from your other boyfriends, and loves you for who you are. You didn't have to put on a facadè at all during the 3 years you two have dated.

This love wasn't a one way thing. You loved him just as much, or even more, than he did. Everything he did you supported, you were always cheering him on from wherever you were. You were here for the good and the bad, and he was too. You two never shyed away from admiting your love and support. You could write a essay on each thing you love about Karl.

The idea of marriage came up during a late night dinner at Denny's. The idea came so naturally to you, so it surprised Karl that you didn't tense up. Karl was tense when bringing up the topic of marriage, so when you said "Yeah, I wanna get married to you one day." so casually it caught him off gaurd.

You two had already talked about marriage time and time again, but this time Karl wanted to take the initiative. He was ready to get married and since the marriage talk was just a few months ago it was fresh in his mind. Karl could vividly imagine you walking down the aisle towards him looking angelic. He could see everything now and he wanted those daydreams to become a reality. He wanted to physically feel your hands against his as you two say "I do" to one another.

He couldn't stop thinking about settling down in a nice house with you. Karl already bought a ring for you and always has it with him. Now he justs needs to figure out how to tell you.

1st proposal: Fireworks

"THIS IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE FIREWORK IN THE ENTIRE WORLD-"

You blocked out Jimmy's yelling as you sat in a lawn chair in the middle of the woods. Karl had invited you to a MrBeast video shoot because he thought it would be a great early 4th of July. It was late at night and slightly cool outside, so you were wearing a MrBeast hoodie Karl was wearing earlier. You zoned out as the boys talked to the camera over and over again, taking multiple shots.

You found yourself looking at Karl most of the time you sat there and you always caught his gaze towards you. Every time you caught him looking at you, you sent him a small wave or blow him a kiss and every time he sent a shy wave back or sent a more exaggerated kiss back.

During halfway through the shooting you begrudgingly had to move your lawn chair further and further away from your original spot. Karl always checked up on you before and after each firework set were blown up. He has been acting fidgety around you and you didnt know why. When you tried to confront him about it he would always turn away and go back to the boys without a glance back, and his hands in his pockets.

You loved watching the guys play with so many different types of fireworks, this was a great 4th of July for you, but you wished that Karl was sitting next to you feeling the bliss that you were.

You were currently sitting behind bulletproof glass while the guys had a control panel on their lap. Karl kept sending glances towards you and you looked at him and smiled whishing he was next to you and not over by the guys. You knew it was selfish, but he invited you here.

Karl kept bouncing his leg, he kept his hand in his pocket which held the ring. He kept sending glances towards you, knowing he should be on one knee right about now. Jimmy was about to fire off the last rocket of the night and Karl couldn't seem to go over and ask you to marry him. He knew he was hilding himself back which made him hate himself. You deserved a good night and he hoped you enjoyed the fireworks, but he knew on the ride back he would have to apologize.

He stayed with the boys as they went to go see the fireworks they would be setting off soon. Once they came back they were all about to press the button to set off the expensive fireworks they counted down from 5 and he looked towards you. You were standing up with your arms crossed, hopefully shielding yourself from the cold, and looking towards the fireworks that were going to burst. They finally pressed the button the fireworks went off.

Each burst of light in the air sent a glow onto your smiling face. Karl sent a somber glace and marveled in how the explosion of the fireworks sent a beautiful glow around you.

This wasnt the right time. Next time.

2nd proposal: Donuts

"Im sorry for last night." Karl apologized as you both took a seat at a booth by the window at the small coffee and donut shop.

This was supposed to be an apology for the last failed proposal. Instead of spending time with you, he kept his distance which was the opposite of what he really wanted to do. This was a way to spend much needed time with eachother, but this was also another attempt at a proposal.

Karl wanted to hide the ring in the middle of a donut so when you inevitably look at it when he hands it to you, you'll see the ring and then he'll propose right there. To him it seemed flawless.

You never wanted a huge proposal. You didnt want that much attention on you when your future significant other would propose. Something simple would be the ideal proposal and you've hinted that many times to Karl and right now he was listening. There were only two other couples in the small diner because others were picking up donuts and leaving. If he decided to get down on one knee it would cause a scene.

You stayed silent for a moment looking at Karl before deciding to speak.

"It's no problem. Please dont stress out about it." You smiled softly and he smiled back at you. "I mean the fireworks were beautiful, but you all were screaming too much."

You both laughed as you both recalled that night in the desert.

"Yeah I just didn't..I didn't really talk to you all night. I feel bad." Karl said fiddling with his hands.

"Its in the past Karl. And I still know you love me." You reached out to grab both of his hands and hold his cool hands in yours.

"I do love you." He whispered for only you to hear leaving both of you smiling ear to ear.

"What kind of donuts you want?" Karl asked looking into your eyes carefully.

You thought about it for a while before speaking up. "I'll keep it simple. Icing with sprinkles. Surprise me with the icing color!" You exclaimed while letting go of his hands for a second.

Once you two let go of eachothers hands he immediately went to his pocket and played with the velvet box. He nodded his head and without a word he stood up to meet the cashier behind the display box of donuts. He ordered only one donut as you said with orange icing this time.

He paid for the food and stayed at the counter where he paid. Karl looked back to see if you were paying attention to him only to see you looking out the window at the people passing by. Karl smiled at the sight knowing he really wants to marry you one day and then he looked down at the glistening ring inside of the box.

Karl was supposed to put the ring in the middle of the donut that was laying alone on a napkin on the counter. He started to think of the possibilities of what could happen. What if you didn't see the ring and crumble the ring with the napkin and throw it away? What if you accidentally put the ring in your mouth? What if you weren't hungry anymore?

He looked over again to where you were looking at him giving him the same smile you gave during the fireworks. Karl sighed and once again closed the box with the ring. He was a coward and he knew that.

Karl picked up the donut from the counter and made his way over to you.

"Here's your donut with sprinkles and orange icing!" Karl exclaimed putting emphasis on the 'orange' part.

"Thanks babe!" You smiled as he sat down across from you. "Wait, you didn't get anything for yourself?"

Karl sighed again for what seemed like the 100th time today and put on a smile. "I ended up not being as hungry as I thought I was."

"Well I could always share!" You started to eat your donut as Karl ended up looking outside.

Unbeknownst to you he was thinking of another way to propose without himself getting in his own head.

He'll find a time.

3rd proposal: Livestream

"Chat! As you can see I have my significant other here with me!" Karl exclaimed to his Twitch following.

You were sat next to him in another one of his office chairs with a blanket across your lap. You loved to join Karl's streams, the last couple of time you two played minecraft, gang beats, played on the nitendo switch for a while, but this time he didn't tell you what games you two would be playing. Karl just told you to come over tonight and ended up asking to join him for a stream last minute.

Now you are here next to him as Karl glows with excitement as he streams to his growing followers. You loved how he interacted with his fans and had a genuine connection with them, but sometimes that strong connection can, and has led to some nights where you had to stay the night and comfort him from his inner demons and the internet. Those nights made you love him even more, the vulnerability he gave to you made you comfortable with him.

It seems like the more time you spend eith him the more you want to officially get married. You didn't want to rush him because you soon figured out for yourself that there is no rush to express your love, which you two do everyday day. You two can get eloped in Vegas and you'll be happy, as long as you can spend the rest of your life with the man you love.

Karl kept sending glances towards you throughout the stream hoping you were having fun with the chill, q and a stream. Again he wanted to propose to you tonight during the stream. He loved showing your relationship whenever he could and whenever you would allow him to. His community also loved you the moment you became his significant other, so hopefully this will be a beautiful moment.

You talked to his chat as he contemplated, again, about whether to propose tonight. It wasn't infront of people, it was infront of a screen and it would be on Twitter in less than a week. This would be a good moment, but then again he wanted this moment to be between you two and he couldn't find the right time nor the right "moment".

As the stream continues you ended up wrapping yourself fully in the blanket and lying your head on his shoulder. You both cuddled eachother while you two answered questions. Karl kissed the top of your head and finally collected all of his thoughts.

He didn't need to propose to officially claim his love to you. Karl knew you both loved eachother to the ends of the Earth and back. There's no need for ceremony and the one day he will propose, he know it will come naturally. There is no need to force it, and now he wont.

Only time will tell.

4th proposal: spongebob

"Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

I can't hear you!

Aye, aye, captain!

Oh!"

The TV illuminated the comfortable, dark room you two were in. You were lying on the couch with Karl with the blanket you had while streaming. It was late at night after the stream and you two ended up watching re-runs of spongebob. Karl sang along to the theme song softly while you hummed along. This was the 4th episode you both watched this night and it was a great way to end the week.

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" Karl asked softly with tiredness in his voice.

"Of couse. Im too tired to move, so thanks for offering." You chuckled.

"You're welcome here anytime." Karl yawned and squeezed your sides. "Do you want popcorn?"

"Hell yeah." You got off of Karl as he walked to the kitchen.

He put the bag into the microwave and leaned back onto the kitchen counter as he waited. Karl looked over to the side and saw a empty vase which was next to the velvet box he was carrying with him this whole week. He shook his head and laughed to himself before getting the popcorn out of the microwave, dumping it in a bowl and walking back to see you taking up the whole couch.

"Move over or I'll sit on you." Karl said standing above her.

"Is that a promise?" You teased.

"Okay then!" He turned around and began to slowly and dramatically fake sitting ontop of you.

You began to laugh and try to push him off of you. You successfully got him to sit down and returned to your previous position, but this time with popcorn.

"I love you, you know that?" You hummed into his chest.

"Yeah, and I love you more."

"I love you most."

"I love you mostest." Karl laughed.

"That's not a word." You smiled.

"I love you so much I made up a word for ya." Karl kissed you head and you hugged him tighter.

"You know what?" Karl chuckled. "I love you so much that I tried to propose to you 3 times this week."

Karl finished and you sat up from your spot looking surprised. Karl sat up as well thinking he made a mistake telling you. He was abkut to apologize, but you beat him to speak.

"Oh my gosh!" You exhaled.

"Look, I'm sorr-"

"Are you proposing?!" You exclaimed with a smile on your face.

"Huh-?"

Karl was surprised just like you were before. He remembered that he wanted the Maybe this was the moment he needed this week.

Karl grabbed both of your hands and caressed them both, looking into your eyes. "I was planning to all week. But now I think this is a good moment. So Y/N? Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will!" You enveloped him into a tight hug and peppered his face with kisses. He finally found his moment and he couldn't be happier.

"You said you tried to propose three other times?" You questioned. "When was that?"

"Its a long story."