#sometimes im just absolutely enraged for no reason too

[littlesapphicraccoonguy]

I don’t think the book is working

[mechacringekitty]

Baby and Reba again (if you want!!) and im not too sure if you know enough about them but Macaron too!! Alabastrine as well if you want :)

2, 5, 6, 9, 12, 14, 17, 19, 22

Sorry its so much, just do the ones you want to do :)

OHOHOHO..........BECOMES AN UNSKIPPABLE CUTSCENE had to skip Macca for a few because they're still new :]

2. Bananaberry - A lot of things, she's pretty closed off, but probably that she adores reptiles. Loves them. Seems like the kind of gal that wouldn't, but she absolutely does. [Her favourite kind of snake is hognoses, fun fact!!] Coereba - Likely the biggest thing about them, the fact that they aren't "really" a dragon, not naturally at least. Alabastrine - He kills people. Your local bartender kills people. 5. Bananaberry - For herself, not very far unless it's something she needs. She'd mostly beg for it otherwise. Coereba - Pushover. You say no to them and they just go "Oh, well, alright." They don't like conflict. Alabastrine - Has done and will kill people for it !! Babygirl gets what she wants and she gets it when she wants. Macaron - Willing to get very pushy with words. Actions? Not so much, they don't like physical violence because of how much they see it exerted on their tribe by the HiveWings. 6. Bananaberry - It would take pleading with her for days or threatening Reba but she would do it eventually if it wasn't, like, killing the innocent. Coereba - Easily. Very easily. They'd hate themself for doing it forever, but they would do it. Alabastrine - His moral compass is so fucked !!!!!!!! Easily but not for the same reason as Reba, and they would probably like it. Macaron - Would rather die. 9. Only Alabastrine has one, and it's her own quote. "Revenge makes your blood sweeter than the finest wine." 12. Alabastrine again. She gets blackout drunk when she's not feeling good. 14. Bananaberry - Caring, soft, generally as a source of comfort and love and protection. Coereba - Only cares about how Reba sees them and wants to be the absolute best dragon in her eyes. They don't need to for her to love them, but they still want it. Macaron - Someone reliable but not necessarily nice. They struggle with wanting to be seen as powerful and their general desire to be nice to everyone, even people that hurt them. Alabastrine - Ohohoh. She wants to be seen as a ruler, someone strong but also kind of scary. Very scary. Intimidating. When she's out and about she tries to seem innocent and stupid though, for her own protection. 17. Bananaberry - Some bullying. Coereba - Horrible family members and a really painful transformation. Alabastrine - Basically being abandoned by his mother Cadaverous after watching her get attacked by Iurus' guards.

19. Bananaberry - Think I've talked about this before.. she snaps at people, sometimes literally, and generally just growls and yells at people whenever they bother her. Can get a bit violent, and will sometimes accidentally spray venom. Coereba - They get less enraged and more just hurt. They'll quiet down and probably stalk off to sulk or seek affection from Bananaberry. Alabastrine - Depends. If it's a short term thing she'll lash out and make sure everyone knows she's annoyed, if it's long term she's probably silent and plotting her revenge. Macaron - They try not to get enraged, but they take it out by going outside. If you ever see Macca sitting in the garden with their eyes closed, they aren't relaxing, they're pissed. 22. I'm incredibly bad at this but I'll try. Bananaberry - Good or neutral good. Coereba - Lawful neutral ? Alabastrine - Lawful evil or chaotic good. Or somewhere in between. Macaron - Lawful good.

[twinkubus]

Odds for the oc questions - for whichever you want to answer them for. They all sound v cool!

What memory would your OC rather just forget? cop out buut i answered this for lace🤪 will be answering all these for diff chars so they each get some chances

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw? obie- too hesitant/uncertain of themselves. they're semi-aware but mostly think their hesitancy is rational and they are just trying to be prepared. however there are some situations in which it is best to act!!

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want? also answered for lace!!

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them? all these guys are pretty new so....waiting on the answer! for prev guys tho i often love to change their gender and/or genre

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC? sorry i have to say this for wilhelm & vega bc i have it on their spotify playlists: "I could have torn him limb from limb, as the lion rends the antelope. But my heart sunk within me as with bitter sickness, and I refrained." -- from Frankenstein (btw @congressofspirits specifically* if you would like to read wilhelm & vega DM me. i don't think i will ever finish it but i wrote most of it when i had just started hrt so like. 6 yrs ago now jeez. but it's kind of my gregory berrycone)

*(if we are mutuals you can also ask just ftr, but im not making it publically available)

What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it? obie has a sword and HAS used it but prefers not to. would only do so if pressed. prince albert owns several pistols, his fave of which are [REDACTED bc author does not know enough about guns atm]

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along? i think i can generally "get along" with most people as long as they're not doing absolutely just wild or evil things. i think obie would annoy me irl. nile & nils i would be nervous to talk to since they're ALWAYS together and also always seem like they're in on some private joke. prince albert i would distrust but could work with as long as he asks civilly

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who? prince albert:

nils:

will be drawing them all eventually haha i have some sketches lined up

What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise? answered for nile!

How does your OC behave when enraged? nils will just Retreat, if he gets really angry he will go so still and silent, every word precise and calculated. nile can tell when he's mad but it's hard for others to

lace gets really mouthy and also sloppy with it like sometimes she has trouble stringing sentences togther and in more than one occasion, that's resulted in the people she's mad at making fun of her, which THEN will result in them getting gored by a horn or two. she may have assault charges. all reasonably provoked though.

[fairycosmos]

Hello, I hope you’re having a nice day! There’s something I wondered, and I really hope it’s not selfish. I’ve wondered for a while but wasn’t sure it was appropriate to ask. It really sucks to see someone so down, you seem like a good person, and deserve some freedom! So I suppose, when you talk about your loss, how you’ve been left with so much, how grief is a terrible burden, which is completely reasonable. Do you ever feel angry? Maybe angry at your sister? I know it’s not good to place unjust blame and let those feelings consume you, but just from an outside view it’s upsetting that you were the one left with such a burden! It seems cruel to me, I can’t help feeling like tour situation would naturally make someone angry at the person they lost. Is it like that? I’m really sorry if this is an ignorant thing to ask.

hey dw it's not ignorant at all, it's cool. this is going to be long but it's the only way to explain the complexities of what you asked so sorry about that! im definitely really angry. the intensity of it comes and goes, but there's always this undercurrent of rage that i literally can't let go of. ive mentioned this before, but when she first died, every time i tried to speak to her outloud (like everyone told me to) it would just end up with me lecturing her. like a parent. i could not and still can't believe what she's done, even if it wasn't intentional. i cant stand it. i feel frustrated to the point of tears that she wasn't more careful, that she didn't perceive enough value in herself and her life to take care of herself properly. because she was quite literally the most amazing person ive ever known, and i can not fathom that she would be so careless and that she would gamble her safety like that. the last few weeks were so enraging, she just wouldn't listen. it was like she was very suddenly a different person, and i'm still carrying a lot of frustration because of that. on a related note, we used to joke all the time that dealing with our family, and with the future, would be hell if we didn't have each other - she used to tease me like, what would you do without me? - and now i'm so beyond mad that that is my reality. and it will be forever because of her actions. i'm alone in the worst way without her and i can't put into words how mad i am because of it. it feels almost mocking. sometimes i look at her pictures and think, you're laughing at me right now. even though i know that's not fair. she would be fucking devastated to see that things turned out this way. she would spend forever apologising, but ultimately i still don't think shes got anything to be sorry for. she was struggling in a way i never have, above all else.

i'm really pissed off at the nature of her death and at the nature of grief, too. i think all the time about how unlucky she was, about how her shitty boyfriend abused drugs for years and hes still alive - the whole fucking world takes them. i don't understand why she died and how it happened so quickly, i just don't get it. theres a lot about that actual overdose that makes me deranged with anger too, i can barely talk about that part. and mourning itself is so frustrating. i'm incredibly angry at how permanent it is, how isolating, how nobody seems to get it. and how anyone has the audacity to think i should care about the world, or about my own life, or anything. my best friend died, everything else is background noise. the fact that i'm expected to keep going is a fucking joke. i'm also super mad at my family, which i'll never say to them, but i am. maybe they just shouldn't have fucking had kids if they were going to let them turn out like this. obviously the person i'm most angry at is myself, because i should have done more. i go on about how she was the person i loved the most in this world, and look at how she ended up. i'll never stop being pissed at myself for not checking on her more that night, or for not dragging her to a rehab center, even if i know logically it wasn't that simple back then. she'd have told me she was taking care of it, she'd have lied. but yeah, when i think about it, the outline of this whole situation is just absolute unadulterated fury.

[flecks-of-stardust]

i did a boss rank thing cause i was bored

this image id is going to be so longgg

anyway

[image description: a screenshot of my boss tier list. going from the topmost row to the lowest one, and from left to right in each category:

My beloved!!! (in red): Pure Vessel, Sisters of Battle, Nightmare King Grimm, Paintmaster Sheo

Pretty good! (in orange): Mantis lords, Troupe Master Grimm, Great Nailsage Sly, Brothers Oro and Mato, The Hollow Knight, Lost Kin, Absolute Radiance, White Defender, Hornet Sentinel, Soul Tyrant, Soul Master, Watcher Knights, Radiance

Not bad (in yellowy orange): Dung Defender, God Tamer, Broken Vessel, Hive Knight, Hornet Protector, Markoth, Xero, The Collector

Meh (in yellow): Failed Champion, Nosk, Galien, Traitor Lord, Winged Nosk, Gorb, Brooding Mawlek, Enraged Guardian, Oblobbles

You’re a joke (in light green): Soul Warrior, Crystal Guardian, Vengefly King, Gruz Mother, Elder Hu, False Knight, Massive Moss Charger, Flukemarm, Colosseum 1 Zote

I hate fighting you (in bright green): Uumuu, No Eyes, Marmu

I deliberately skipped you (in cyan): Grey Prince Zote

end id]

this is obviously a lot of bosses to slog through, but i wanted to spotlight a few of them, in particular sheo. idk if other people would normally rank him this high? but like holy shit i Adore his fight. he was the first boss i ran into in my first few pantheon runs that felt challenging but also really fun. im pretty sure he was also my first radiant, so he has a special place in my heart sjkfghs

pure vessel and sisters of battle are kind of tied tbh. i really like them both for different reasons; sisters of battle is faster and more frantic, pure vessel hits harder and is more intense. theyre kind of similar in my head though skjghks

markoth is only that high because ive figured out how to fight him, and can do it consistently. hes still kind of an ass, but like. i can at least get past him? and you kind of get into a rhythm with waiting for an opening to land blows on him. its. the swords are kind of annoying but theyre actually fairly easy to dodge if you dont move too much? its a little bit like grimm/nkg’s pufferfish attack. idk skjagdskja

uumuu’s position is a little eeehhhh. its kind of an interesting fight, but also i hate it because its so rng based. and sometimes i hit an ooma and it explodes in my face :’) instead of flying at uumuu and idk what i even did wrong lmao

a lot of these are approximates, im really bad at putting solid rankings on things. i also like different bosses for different reasons, so its hard to rank it with numbers. the categories are as close as im getting to having a true 1 to 46 list fkjghkjs

i cant be bothered to try gpz. i just. i really dont care to have him ruin my p5 runs

[omegawolverine]

its me ask anon again >:) anyways ummm scooby doo!!! velma and freddy

hello hello anon my love :> /p gonna do mystery incorporated versions specifically

VELMA

favorite thing about them: is both so smart and so fucking stupid, I love it. also knows what she wants and will get it no matter what which can be a bad thing but it's still an admirable trait in some cases 🤷���♀️

least favorite thing about them: ma'am your internalized homophobia and comphet lowkey fucked shaggy up like I'm sorry girl I love u and I know you werent trying to be a cunt but that was soooo messed up

favorite line: idk

brOTP: truly the only acceptable answer in this version of the show is daphne and velma, although my heart yearns for some sort of reconciliation between shaggy and velma that doesnt feel like it's just there for plots sake. like I want them to be bros again for the sake of being good friends not for the sake of the gang, ya know?

OTP: marcie/velma deserved their wlw ending and they were robbed :(

nOTP: fred/velma bc literally what reason do you have for pairing a lesbian coded character (who was confirmed supposed to have a wlw ending had the show gotten more time) with fred the cishet himbo

random headcanon: lowkey an elitist with nerd culture, if that makes sense? like, if you dont know as much as her about [insert nerdy subject] then she will make u feel dumb for it, she will be a cunt about it and she will have no remorse for doing so. this is lowkey canon too but we never saw the full extent and I just think she would be a mega bitch to people she deems not on her level

unpopular opinion: while mystery incorperated velma was a very toxic friend and girlfriend who regularly fucked up and didnt apologize for it, I would rather watch this version of her and absolutely hate her (which I dont, but u get the point) than watch literally any other version of her where she is bland and has no fucking character besides being smart and not conventionally attractive.

song i associate with them:

monster - dodie

all men are pigs - studio killers

favorite picture of them: they're gfs, ur honor

FRED

favorite thing about them: literally just a fucking himbo. also the fact that he said he "only lets people he dates call him freddie" or something along those lines in an episode and then shaggy on multiple occasions called him freddie.

least favorite thing about them: shit goes over your head so much that it is sometimes enraging bc u will literally be hurting ur friends and not even realize it

favorite line: idk

brOTP: velma and fred is kinda cool

OTP: none

nOTP: gonna be real, daphne/fred is so boring and kinda not healthy

random headcanon: the way he talks about traps...neurodivergent type beat. idk what specifically but neurodivergent type beat.

unpopular opinion: idk if this is unpopular but he do be kinda a really shitty friend a lot of the time. a lot of the problems I have with velma and fred kinda overlap in that they're very self centered without even realizing it

song i associate with them:

everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears

favorite picture of them: idk im too lazy sorry

[hhhongseok]

PENTAGON: First Impressions VS Now! 

   since it's ptg's 3rd anniversary, and i've been an uni for over a year now, i thought it would be a fun idea to compare my first thoughts about all the members to how i think of them now! i got the idea from i got7 inspirits on youtube, so check them out if you're interested!

OT10

then:

I first heard "gorilla" back when it released, but since i avoided stanning rookies at the time- i decided to give it some time before stanning. flash foward to august 2018 where my interest is piqued again. at that time last year, i had thought that they were pretty cute but having literally only heard gorilla and then shine, i was caught off guard by their sound change. It wasn't bad per say- just different. overall, i knew pentagon would be a group that i'd like- but more along the lines of a casual thing. 

now:

y'all already know how whipped i am for these idiots!!! their music and videos and even choreos are my style completely, especially their cute concepts!! we love dancing infants! and also, they're all such throughly good people which makes me so happy. this isn't a casual stan thing in the slightest, and it's funny to think I ever believed it would be. 

Hui: 

then:

when i saw him in shine, i thought he was a d o r k. i think it was the way they styled his hair, but i was just very convinced that he was pretty lame lmao. after that though, i saw how cute he was and he became my bias for a while. i remember thinking at one point that he seemed like an exasperated dad?? i didn't really have any basis for it but that observation was there nonetheless. 

now:

exasperated dad? more like hyper 3 year old. hes literally one of the loudest and most energetic. what was i on. but i think hes the most precious and clingiest little toddler now!! i was right about the dork thing though, but its super cute how goofy and lame he is. also!! talent for days!! his dancing, singing (his falsetto is !!), composing is all incredible. the most important thing though? a godly leader. he's so caring and kind and full of love for his members it hurts me. we don't really see a serious leader hui, but thats okay because i think it means he tries to keep uni and ptg in good spirits by showing them cheerfulness. and that's amazing to me.

Jinho: 

then:

my most notable thought about jinho in shine was "how is he that small". i remember thinking it was cute how he pushed the giant one too, lmao. i didn't think much else of him beyond that, other than noticing how adorable he can be. 

now:

ok yeah, jinho is cute and tiny and whatever- but now i Understand the power that he holds. how he looks with his hair pushed back for example. or how about that bruno mars cover he did with hui. (hhhhnngg). also?? he's not even That small. the ones that make him look itty bitty are Literally just giants. but aside from his appearance, jinho is probably my favorite vocalist like!! i appreciate him s o much. (listen to his cover of gethsemane and last night of october for clear skin) of course jinho is also very cute though!! so i was right about that at least! he just also has many other great sides to him that i worry are overlooked!

Hongseok: 

then:

i didn't,,,notice him. at ALL. like i just glossed over his existence completely when i first saw shine. and even after that- it took me a minute to pay him any mind. when i did finally notice him though, i noticed his smile. i remember i was watching videos with my girlfriend and i pointed him out to her! that was mostly because i felt bad for not really having any strong opinion on him though oops. anyways i ended up just thinking he was a mom. and i was really impressed by his english and strength.

now:

real talk, it pained me to write all of that out!! bc now?? omg hong is my everything- but thats kind of obvious. anyways!! hes so  f u nn y !!! its absolutely a stupid kind of funny and hes definitely annoying but i adore it. also the mom thing is only kind of true. he has the capacity to be maternal and take care of them, but he's way more likely to make fun of literally every single member. he's more like an older brother that never leaves his siblings alone and thinks he's funnier than he is. and we hate him for it. anyways, his voice is So underrated im. angery. he has such a beautiful voice, just in general, and on top of that- his singing is lovely. like yes, more hong solo please. 

Hyojong: 

then:

i definitely took note of him immediately! his voice is very distinctive, and he stands out a lot in shine. which is really saying something. i thought he was really talented for sure! and i almost felt he was too cool for me to be looking at. i kind of got the vibe he'd be pretty icy i guess? 

now:

he's not intimidating at all. like not even a little bit. bc he's not taking himself as seriously as i thought he was lmao. also hes so   l o u d . and a plant man. but i think the best thing about edawn is his unpredictability! i never really know what to expect from him and i like that. 

Shinwon:

then:

i thought he was HOT. i already thought he was handsome in the 0.3 seconds of screentime he got in shine. but a friend of mine showed me clips of him from that couples game video and. o o f. i really couldn't get over how pretty he was. it didn't help that this was the same video where him and kino were doing that dance. personality wise, i don't remember much standing out to me. other than how easily scared he is.

now:

shinwon is soooo embarrassing. i wouldn't say hes completely shameless about it though, but he's shameless to the point of actually doing the stupid shit so im. still enraged about it. he legitimately makes me physically look away sometimes when im watching a video and he's being weird. theyre all my kids, and i love them. but he's the child im ashamed of lmao. moving on, hes a real cutie pie. that fact that he gets so scared so easily is both really funny and super endearing. but he's just a playful baby and im honestly glad that hes has so much fun.

Changgu:

then:

i noticed him less than hongseok. like i dont think i had a single notable first impression of him. 

now:

past dess was one entire Doofus huh. like changgu is a whole ass blessing to this planet and you mean to tell me that she overlooked him??!! anyways, though, he has an elephant heart for sure. such a genuinely empathetic and truly kind person!! he never fails to warm my heart with his sincerity and i love that about him. he's also part of the idiot squad though, with how he goes along with hong's antics. we hate that. and all his impressions + dumb faces. speaking of faces though,,, his acting?? i love it!! he's really talented, like when i watch pretty pretty i kind of forget that changgu is even playing a role. and his d a n c i n g!! underrated dance king! underrated king in general, how about that. 

Yanan:

then:

my first bias in ptg!!! i fell in love with him instantly! i loved how tall he is, and the white hair and his  i c o n i c "my baby"!! like i was whipped from the gate. i remember liking his duality back then too!!

now:

ok so, since he was bias immediately, i noticed more about him than anyone else. which means i have less to write oops. but thats okay because at least i had a bit of taste back then. but, yanan is hilarious. he's so clever and funny and you can tell how effortless it is. most iconic ptg sayings are something from yanan and thats just amazing. the big thing i notice now that i didn't really before, though, is that fact that his duality is so shocking because he's literally just as unpredictable as hyojong. its impossible to really tell what hes going to do next, and i think it catches people off guard more with yanan because even that aspect of him is unexpected. 

Yuto:

then:

i thought he was kinda scary!! idk he seemed so cold and i couldn't really relate to that so i didn't grow very attached to him. 

now:

he's so pure!!! hes said that he has a hard time expressing his feelings but i don't really see it? because he always seems so happy to be around ptg and having fun with them even if he isn't usually the one playing around!! he loves them so much tbh and its the sweetest thing :( everything about yuto is so sweet, because he cares a lot about the people around him and doesn't want anyone to get hurt- even if its fake or a joke. and like, he's really hardworking too!! ptg have said multiple times that he works the hardest, and that really is saying something imo! and like, you can just see it even without being told that. whether its his workout journey pentory or the fact that he's literally been learning guitar. also!! omg the lyrics he writes?? heartwarming, romantic and life changing!! seasons and cosmo made me a different person. but yeah, he's such an amazing, warm person and i cant believe i found him scary. 

Kino:

then:

i thought he was the main vocal. like no joke, he was so charismatic and flaunting so  much in shine that i was like "ah yes. the main vocalist" hhhggg. i remember thinking he was pretty though, and that his stage name was super cute. but i wasn't very interested in learning about him, despite how he really caught my eye. for some reason, though, i eventually got the thought that he was really pure.

now:

main vocal hdzfhh kino relax you're confusing ppl. of course he has an amazing voice and it always sounds incredible but!! what amuses me is the way he sings always sounds kinda like he's trying to be sexy and?? its so funny in ballads and stuff imo. but yeah, that "sensual"?? singing is what threw me off back then. buf more importantly, i just wanna mention the pure thing- because its a confusing situation. on one hand, kino has a heart of gold that not only adores uni but is also accepting. as well as how he's constantly bringing light into the world with his words and truly bright outlook. but on the other hand he's a demon that dances like That and is so dangerous when he wants to be!! so!! what's it gonna be kino, make up your mind :( anyways, listen to knnovations. esp bad timing and 224.12!!

Wooseok:

then:

i loved him instantly. he looked like an overgrown 10 year old in my eyes and that's just. precious. i thought he was pretty funny too!! 

now:

if i took off my hong glasses for long enough, id be able to say that i think he's the funniest in ptg. because he's so hilarious in my eyes like? he makes me do an ugly wheeze laugh, and a lot of my favorite ptg moments involve him in some way lmao. but he is actually a baby, so i was onto something there with the overgrown 10 y/o thing. despite being really funny though, i do think he tends to be quiet more often than like hui or shinwon and he hardly ever smiles, unless he's like laughing and thats makes me think that he's kind of awkward?? not in like a bad way, but i just kind of see that i guess. but!! something that i think is passed over a lot with woo is the fact that he usually has a hand in composing, and also that he writes his raps?? like that's so cool, we love that!! 

ok! so that was my lame little essay lmao. i hoped you liked if you read it all! im just glad to say that i really appreciate pentagon as a whole, and how much joy they bring into my life nowadays!! i feel like ive found a place to call my own with uni and with pentagon :)

[tarmairons]

re: that last hp ask i got

i know i said i wouldn’t be cross-posting my bellamort/dark au/riddle fam headcanons from twitter but i’ve decided to post a lengthy updated masterpost here after all so ENJOY bon apetit 

1. see the thing is that 90% of my hcs can’t be described with words bc they’re just.. feelings.. aesthetics.. vibes.. vague scenarios that make me feel some sort of way… the dark au has a certain Feel and i just stick a bunch of domestic concepts in there and shake it all up and that’s it shshsh

2. disclaimer: im like 75% sure my self indulgent ramblings won’t make sense so sorry about that

3. i was fully serious that one time i said on twitter that voldemort’s no.1 priority after taking over the wizarding world was doing sth about his snace (snake face) so yeah. first things first he’s not as fugly in the dark au. as mentioned previously he just looks like mr. ralph and probably wears ornate haute couture power suits

4. the public doesn’t actually know who the augurey is for YEARS… they know whoever it is is voldemort’s second in command and sure there’s rumors that he has an heir but nobody knows it’s delphi. this way she doesn’t have to be reclusive and hide away, she just lives her life, studies and trains, masters the art of dark magic, hangs around town etc, and no one suspects anything bc who would think this tiny super friendly innocent looking girl is the dark lord’s kid — her identity isn’t revealed until she’s deemed Ready to publicly take up her position. and when she is revealed it’s a Big Moment bc she’s a drama queen and lives for attention

5. delphi is taller than bellatrix

6. speaking of bellatrix. she’s presumed dead after the battle of hogwarts which turns out to be a cool bonus for the dark side. any leftover resistance? she’ll take care of that and they’ll never see her coming. tbh this seems a lot cooler in my head bc movie bellatrix would not be stealthy enough to stay hidden for years she would probs trip over something and accidentally commit arson within a few days. but yeah sneaky assassin sounds sexy. plus to be super honest i imagine bella is a teensy bit more collected than in the films... no shade at helena y’all know i would die for her but there are in fact things i would change about her bella. so yeah for a while the only people who know she’s alive aside from her immediate family are probs rod and the malfoys

7. hm so. the malfoys…. much to think about. narcissa did lie to voldemort’s face during the battle so logically he should have killed her the moment he realized she knew harry was alive all along. but this is a soft dark au so let’s pretend bellatrix was like hey dude don’t kill my sister maybe and voldemort was like k. i mean no harm done, harry potter is properly dead in this universe after all

8. but seriously tho. the only reason voldemort didn’t yeet narcissa into a wall was for bella’s sake. he’s nice like that, he probably promised her at one point that he wouldn’t violently murder her family. peak romance

9. delphi is surprisingly close with both her parents although with voldemort it’s more of a mentor-student relationship than a parent-child one bc he’s Like That. growing up it was always bella who insisted they treat delphi more like a child and less like a weapon and voldemort wasn’t always happy about that bc he’s emotionally constipated and also never had a childhood. also he’s, like, evil. so yes, reminding voldemort that delphi was her daughter too sometimes got bella in trouble bc we all know of voldemort’s superiority issues. but no bella didn’t stop insisting that delphi deserved an actual childhood and in the end they compromised like functional adults and delphi turned out pretty well for someone raised by 2 of the most terrifying people alive

10. but yeah that’s not to say voldemort and kid delphi never had soft moments. they did. he even picked her up every once in a while. everyone was surprised, bella most of all. she probably cried in the bathroom later bc the softness overwhelmed her. i’m not sure if i mean that in a sarcastic shitpost kind of way or if she was really moved to tears. y’all decide for yourselves

11. delphi looks very very much like bella but she has tom riddley eyes.. so dark they’re nearly black. and soulless. maybe they even flash red when she’s enraged. and she has very aristocratic very controlled tom riddley mannerisms. it’s not until you piss her off and she goes off the rails that the bella side of her personality kicks in

12. delphi gets along really well with the malfoys (except lucius. she thinks he’s pathetic and likes to tease him. in a friendly way but it’s still harsh. she gets that from her mom) esp scorp. scorp thinks this makes him cool at school bc he gets to fist bump the augurey and not get murdered for it

13. speaking of hogwarts. umbridge is scared shitless of delphi and it’s always a school-wide spectacle when the augurey drops by unexpectedly on official business and umbridge starts stuttering and quivering. scorp sometimes makes a point to approach umbridge and delphi when they’re talking and act all chummy-chummy with his cousin just to make himself look powerful and Cool in front of umbridge and the other students

14. i still don’t know whether voldemort would call delphi ‘delphini’ or just ‘delphi’… i imagine he’s a strict stick-up-his-ass kinda father but who knows. he does call bellatrix ‘bella’ but that’s different i guess

15. but THEN AGAIN he does have a gigantic soft spot for delphi too. maybe he slips up every so often and calls her delphi. i’m literally making this shit up as i go along i’m just smashing my mf keyboard and occasionally glancing at my messy hcs notebook. I TOLD YALL i don’t have solid hcs i just have VIBES and AESTHETICS. the only way you’ll get specific hcs out of me is if you ask very specific questions

16. weirdest brotp is delphi and rodolphus. nobody knows where that came from but they get along so well and it confuses everybody

17. we been knew that bella is batshit crazy and criminally insane or whatever but against all odds she is a surprisingly good mother. she’s always been soft for family (narcissa etc) so it makes sense that she would legit die for delphi. they have this super casual bantery relationship YALL GET ME bella is so proud of delphi she’s literally that “my little baby off to destroy people” meme!!! honestly mother-daughter relationships are my goddamn weakness i would die for the two of them

18. delphi has a gf (underdeveloped oc time!) who, for the longest time, doesn’t know who she is dating bc delphi is obviously not allowed to say. she finds out the truth eventually and she is properly freaked out for a very very long time. and since all of these hcs are stupidly soft we’re just gonna keep making them softer: the gf is terrified of delphi’s parents at first (obvs) but they’re both extremely fond of her (well, bella is, voldemort probs doesn’t care all that much about who delphi is dating so long as she’s not of subpar blood status or secretly spying for the opposition ya know. as long as delphi trusts her he does too)

19. no but really voldemort trusts delphi and bella implicitly. with delphi it’s bc he raised her and he trusts her to be loyal bc she knows no other way, she was meant to be an extension of his power etc. but with bella it’s something he learns over time, to trust her judgement bc despite her many many flaws she’s very perceptive and usually right

20. voldemort probably makes more horcruxes. still haven’t decided how this ties in with the fact that he’s now safely immortal again and neither delphi nor bella are. who knows maybe they all do the do and split their souls. much to think about. feel free to send ur thots and ideas my way

21. ya know im basic and always on my bellamort bs and therefore: as the years go by voldemort warms up to bella. not that he wasn’t already extremely fond of her before but he kicks it up a notch. i mean, he’s already taken over the world so it’s high time to start experimenting with other wilder things like Feelings. 80/90 years old isn’t too late to experience Love or whatever. might as well wake up one day and realize you’re completely and utterly in love with the woman you’ve spent the last 50+ years with whew. LIKE to be fair bella knows him better than anyone — they understand each other, they’re familiar with each other’s likes, dislikes, mannerisms, nervous tics etc etc. let’s be real it freaked voldemort out at first, being vulnerable to any degree (not that he let it show) but it just became so easy to tell her things that it became a natural thing to do. and obvs he trusts her to keep everything between them and never judge him for anything so that’s sweet

22. y’all keep asking me for domestic hcs but what can i possibly say?? imagine literally any domestic scenario ever and just think bellamort and i’ve probably imagined that same scenario before. except its sexier bc the world is dark and evil and they live in a dark gloomy super fancy manor. so we have these 2 goths right but they’re in love but in that casual familiar way YALL GET ME and sometimes they even drink coffee together in the mornings or like. do that thing where Person A returns from work late at night and its dark and raining and Person B is already home just chilling and they don’t even have to talk they just go about their nighttime routine but it’s soft and familiar and COMFORTABLE. i clearly dont have enough softness in my life i just. love domestic scenarios bye

23. i forgot everything else i wanted to write bc i got distracted by domesticity. im also thinking about how voldemort absolutely despises the thought of any pda but he’ll take bella by the wrist in public every so often when he wants to get her attention, or like. put his hand on her back. small things but oh so soft

24. hhhh okay i have a LOT to say about the power fam’s fashion choices but it’s hard to explain without pictures. i have a wholeass ppt presentation but i’m not about to upload 20+ slides to tumblr. but i seriously was not kidding when i said voldemort wears fancy suits and yes i have references. meanwhile delphi is a fan of feathers but mostly goes with lowkey military-style outfits.. she’s practical yet ostentatious. bella sticks to a conservative yet undeniably sexy selection of evil looking dresses.. i should make all of these into pinterest boards hmm

25. controversial opinion but i think delphi knows she and voldemort are half bloods. so does bella but that’s a whole other story, she been knew. anyhow yeah delphi was told the truth bc it was better for her to find out from the source rather than hear rumors from the opposition and begin to distrust the foundations of voldemort’s whole empire and voldemort himself

26. i used to absolutely hate fics where bella would eventually call voldemort by his name but now im like FUCK THAT we don’t do guilty pleasures anymore we just stan ridiculous things and that’s that. one day voldemort had a Thought (shocking, i know) and was like. Hm so we have a wholeass child and we’re basically married maybe bella shouldn’t have to call me My Lord for the rest of her life. BUT ONLY IN PRIVATE. THATS BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM it’s nobody’s business. It Is Nobody’s Business

27. speaking of marriage. bella and rod got divorced a few years after the battle. it was just a formality tho let’s be real. they remained very close friends tho!!!!!!!! i think that’s an unpopular opinion among bellamort stans but i genuinely believe bella and rod were always close the way best friends or family are ya know. rod really loves bella but as long as she’s happy he’s happy even if it means her fucking the dark lord on the reg or whatever

28. going back to #6 — when the public finally finds out that bella’s alive they obviously start to wonder about her and voldemort and connect the dots re: delphi etc but nobody ever gets any concrete answers bc there’s never any public pda.. any sort of affection is limited to when it’s just the two of them. and obviously it’s not like voldemort gossips about his private life in tabloid interviews or whatnot. ALSO the whole Bella Is Alive reveal isn’t nearly as dramatic as delphi’s big moment.. it’s more discreet and insidious in that way it implies that she was there hiding in plain sight all along. and if the ministry can keep sth this big a secret, what else are they hiding.. ah classic intimidation tactics of an authoritarian regime

29. i dont think this is ever stated in the CC but in terms of politics and bureaucracy i imagine voldemort has a fancy office in the ministry and spends 99% of his time there and rarely spends any time out and about. he’s almost never seen by anyone, rarely attends events etc. delphi’s the one who handles the day to day shit in the wizarding world. she’s like.. the public relations manager.. between the public and voldemort

30. bella is of similar status within the ministry but that’s just bc people are scared shitless of her. she doesn’t actually hold any political power and she most certainly does not want to, that is not her area of expertise at all

31. delphi is dangerously powerful and i think that’s really sexy of her

32. re: #21 it’s like. as voldemort warms up to bella, she in turn chillaxes a bit with the whole blind devotion thing and becomes bolder with him like. she’ll outright question his decisions or tell him what he should do, make judgement calls etc. and it becomes a regular thing.. turns into this casual companionship ya feel.. i won’t say they become equals bc that’s just unrealistic but he certainly stops treating her like his inferior. he recognizes her value and i daresay her authority and stops treating her like shit all the time Wow Romance Is Alive!! (this sounds like some sort of “douche fuckboi changes for his poor mistreated love interest” schtick but it’s really not that bc they’re both monstrous people who do not deserve any pity so jot that down. they’re horrible and they deserve each other and they eventually do make it work and i am so so happy for them)

33. it is never outright stated that voldemort can’t love. jkr has said that he doesn’t understand love and that it’s just symbolism!!! that he’s the child of a loveless union and grew up without knowing love!!! BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE PHYSICALLY CANNOT LOVE thanks for coming 2 my ted talk. i wasn’t aware of this until a few months ago and i was thrilled to find out my soft hcs are not entirely ooc after all

34. THE POINT IS. THEY ARE A SEMI-FUNCTIONAL FAMILY and i just really love soft domestic scenarios so sorry jkr but the dark au is the only canon now and it belongs to me. everybody has feelings and everything is soft. i’d like to pitch an idea for a kuwtk style reality show but it’s these 3 sociopaths under one roof navigating family life and wizarding world politics

35. to finish i’d like to apologize for downplaying the fact that all 3 of the people i woobified in this post are psychotic murderers and tyrants etc

—— i’ll be updating this if/when i remember anything i forgot AND ALSO send me ur thoughts and comments and constructive criticism etc pls pls pls 

—— follow me on twitter and also curiouscat bc i get a scary amount of q’s about voldemort’s sex life thank you and goodbye

edits:

36. in this household we stan dark haired delphi. no i will not be taking any criticism regarding this particular fact

37. bella and voldemort never get married. obviously, because that’s a disgustingly romantic and pointless thing to do. it’s sentimental and unnecessary (well, voldemort thinks so, bella might just disagree but she’s not about to force his hand) BUT that’s not to say they’re not basically an old married couple anyway. AND as much as voldemort thinks love is weakness or whatever he knows this, that they’re about as close as two people can get. SO if he just so happens to gift her a ring.. well it’s a purely symbolic gesture but the implication is definitely there

38. it’s the horcrux ring. he trusts her that much. m y  h e a r t

[deadmomjokes]

Normal Anon Again 1: Your response was great, don't worry about a thing there. I just really feel stuck because Im still with my emotionally abusive family, and so I had to sneak to even see a doctor. I honestly felt like the doctor barely ever heard me at all, so even though she did prescribe an SSRI (not that she said what brand), I'm kind of scared to continue treatment with her. Because I made the notebook with a lot of care, she said I had OCD and did bring it up again later when I

had refuted it and tried to explain the notebook was just something I wanted to be well done for her. She didn't ever look at it either, so she based it off me buying little tabs and labeling them for ease of access and writing my name on the front I guess? I don't have a lot of money, as I don't have a job, and getting a job is the main reason I want to try medication... I basically have to move out by 2020 from my family, both by their desires and mine, so I'm on acrazy deadline to try to get my life together and I feel like I have no time to find someone new if I'm going to be looking to move away when all the apartments are renting. So it feels like if I want to try medication this is my one chance, but I don't feel like I can trust the doctor handling them. I don't know if I should just try to find a way to make my life work out for a couple months or give the medication a shot even though I don't trust the provider...I've got to worry about getting a job this month or being homeless too, which is why it feels so one or the other for my current situation. Thank you so much for all your feedback, sorry if this was a little messy being explained, I'm a bit frazzled yet, haha.

Oh man, I’m SO very sorry for everything you’re going through! You’re dealing with a ton, and this incident with Dr Garbage certainly didn’t help.

One thing that may be a possibility is going to a normal doctor, like a family medicine doc or general practitioner, and talking to them about your anxiety/depression problems. They can also prescribe psych medication, and it might be easier to pass off around your family and/or to find once you move, since a lot of offices partner or have networks that you can just transfer through. Anyone from a Nurse Practitioner to a PhD in general medicine can prescribe meds like an SSRI or even low-level mood stabilizers. (For my recently upped dosage, I went to a PA-C and they consulted with the folks at my obgyn, so I never even saw a psychiatrist. Tho I’m trying to get in with one anyway, but that’s way beside the point.)

I definitely understand you being unable to trust the current provider; she clearly didn’t hear you or take everything (anything?) into account. Anyone who comes to you from an emotionally abusive situation should warrant a ton of follow-up questions and in-depth probing. Even beyond that, just in general, taking stock of all the symptoms and reviewing any identified triggers is going to go a long way toward real diagnosis. Your notebook should have made her job a breeze, instead of her having to pick through your anecdotes of what happens when, she could just look at your notes! You were doing everything right; a therapist’s dream, honestly. I’ve been in therapy for years and I’m still not that good at keeping tabs on my own symptoms and patterns. I’m enraged on your behalf, because when someone comes to you for help you should reach back out to them, not be prescriptivist even if you’re dealing with prescriptions.

If medication is something you’ve been considering for a while, and feel like it might be a good fit for you, it may be worth trying the current prescription even though the current doctor is garbage, since SSRIs are usually the first try medications anyway. But that always comes with risks, because sometimes the first try doesn’t really work out for you or your specific situation. But SSRIs as a category are pretty safe, and are used for anxiety disorders (including panic disorder and generalized anxiety), ptsd, depression, and ocd as well. So chances are even if you found a psych who did their job well (aka not labeling you ocd for being prepared), they were going to land on an SSRI as a first try, too. That definitely doesn’t make it an easy decision, tho. That nagging fear may always be with you if you try it anyway despite not really trusting her diagnosis, and that could add a layer of complexity to deciding whether the medicine is right for you. Especially if you end up needing to switch medication or dosage, having a doctor you trust from the outset is going to be important.

I obviously cannot tell you what to do, nor do I want to, or even think I should if I could, because personal situations are just that--personal. I would only caution that if you’re already having difficulty getting or doing a job without medical assistance (ie medication), that trying it under serious stress for a few months may do more harm than good as far as worsening your difficulties, or causing new ones. However, sometimes we aren’t in the position to make the “best” decision for our health because living takes precedence; I’ve taken plenty of jobs that wrecked my mind and body and I kept them anyway because I absolutely had to. So I’m not going to get on a high horse because I know exactly how hard it is, and the difficult decisions you have to make in order to survive. I’m just so very sorry you are in that position to make such a decision.

If you do decide to try the medication anyway, some tips on kind of “going it alone” since you won’t be able to/won’t want to go back to the original doctor:

Start at a lower dose than the full final dosage. If she didn’t prescribe a “titration” schedule, starting at half dose for a week is a good place to begin.

Understand that things might get worse before they get better. You might have horrible mood swings, really bad depressive days, or bad anxiety spells before you start seeing the true effects. This isn’t indicative of whether the medicine is going to work eventually, but if it becomes too much for you to deal with, you should stop anyway.

Side effects may come and go. Just worth noting.

If possible, have someone close to you who knows that you’re starting this medicine. Obviously not a family member given your situation, but if you have a friend or anyone you do trust in your immediate vicinity, or even a friend you communicate with long-distance, make sure someone knows. That way you have someone to report in to and who can check up on you as you adjust.

Start by taking them with food, even if it doesn’t have a nausea warning. I’d suggest evening meal or soon thereafter, because SSRIs often cause drowsiness at first (great for helping with insomnia tho!).

You’re probably going to have a full month or two before it reaches its peak effect, since this is your first time trying them. You might see some relief right away, but full efficacy takes time as it builds up in your system. If you can tolerate the side effects (or don’t have any), and you’re able to deal with the mood swings or psychiatric effects, stick with it at least 6 weeks.

Listen to that “don’t drive or operate machinery” warning. First-time-medication drowsiness is a special breed that sneaks up on you and also makes you feel WEIRD.

You can also see about filling the prescription and then researching the name on the label before you decide whether or not to take it. Or, if you have an online account with the pharmacy, as with CVS, you can see the name of the drug there, or even call the pharmacy she sent it to and ask them what the name of it was (”for insurance purposes” or “because I forgot which one it was”) and then research it on sites like Mayo Clinic and rxlist.com (don’t do webmd). These websites include lists of what it’s approved to treat, so if you’re fairly certain you actually have anxiety/depression, look for that on the list. Just know that all websites are essentially required to remind you that an SSRI (really any antidepressant or mood stabilizer) could worsen any suicidal thoughts or behaviors, though this is mostly a risk for the 24 and under crowd with emphasis on teenagers. And it doesn’t happen to everyone.

Should you decide not to do the medicine right now because of the doctor who prescribed it, I applaud you for your bravery and strength in facing both your uncertain future and your mental/emotional difficulties without the assistance you feel you need. That’s a hard, hard thing to do, and I wish it wasn’t a choice you had to make.

I’ll be sending good vibes, thoughts, and prayers your way as you’re dealing with so many transitions and difficulties. I know cyber hugs are kind of a dated internetism, and may not mean much, but I give you all the cyber hugs my cyber arms can muster.

[apatheticaria]

my spoilery thoughts on the last of us part ii

i apologize in advance for this super long post that you have to scroll past because i don’t know how to do the “keep reading” option thing

the only reason i’m writing this out is because i’m literally going insane from not being able to talk about my feelings for this game to anyone since no one i know actually cares lmao so this is mainly just for myself and anyone who wants to read this

the intro:

as i played through this game, i also watched a few playthroughs up until the point where i stopped to take a break. this was a game i couldn’t binge just because it’s so heavy and intense and sometimes you just gotta step away and take a breather

one of the playthroughs i followed along with was jacksepticeye’s and at the end he gave his review of the game like he normally does. i didn’t completely agree with everything he said, but for the most part i thought what he said lined up pretty well with my own opinion.

in particular, one thing that stood out to me was when he said that the introduction to this game shouldn’t have been Joel talking to Tommy about what he did at the end of the first game, but rather the whole flashback of Ellie’s birthday at the museum. then at “one” during the countdown to liftoff, the screen should’ve went black and fast forwarded to four-years-older Ellie opening her eyes in her home in Jackson (idk if i’m explaining this well, but Jack’s editor, Robin, edits this together and really sold it to me. if you wanna see it, go to the last part of Jack’s playthrough and look for it towards the last 30 minutes). i think this would have given us the time i think we all needed with Joel before he died and all the following flashbacks would be more focused on how/why Joel and Ellie’s relationship turned so distant - or hostile on Ellie’s part - and could’ve helped the pacing a bit.

Joel’s death:

potentially an unpopular opinion? but i actually like how Joel died. or uh lemme rephrase, i like the way they wrote his death. in this world of violence, hate, and brutality (actually doesn’t sound too off from our world but ahem moving on), i think the way he died was realistic, especially since he doomed all of humanity by saving Ellie in Part I. it just makes a lot of sense that someone would go after him and hunt him down

from the moment Abby and Owen stood over Jackson from the cliff, i was thinking: well theyre gonna kill Joel and since we’re gonna probably be playing as this girl for some (emphasis on some) of the game, they’re gonna go hard on the grey area of perspective in terms of revenge. which i was super on board with, but we’ll get back to that

when this game was first advertised, i didn’t know how i felt about a revenge story. it’s been told so many times and i’m never as hell-bent on revenge as much as the character is because it never feels warranted enough. that is, until i saw Joel die. watching Ellie pinned to the floor with a perfect view of his body, his face, beat to shit as she screams and begs for Abby to stop? haha that’s fucked Naughty Dog, thanks. but i do appreciate that they were able to make me just as mad as Ellie because of just how brutal his death was and how much i care, cared, about that character. no story has ever made me so incredibly enraged to the point i was with the main character full-stop to just destroy the perpetrator and take revenge. that’s why i think the way Joel dies is perfectly done. the fact that that cutscene is so horrible to watch for so many reasons just proves that it does it’s job.

Ellie’s half:

i actually don’t have too much to say about Ellie’s half of the story. this was what i both expected and wanted from the game, the whole game. while i can’t say i was having “fun”, because this isn’t really a fun game to play, you know what i mean when i say that this part was fun to play and follow.

side note: Naughty Dog’s improvement of your NPC buddy is so good, Dina and Jesse were both actually helpful, still not perfect, but also they’re not supposed to do all the work for you. i think the added layer that they could also get caught/seen and alert the enemy was completely unexpected and such a good addition to the gameplay (ofc this goes for Lev as well).

throughout the whole story, there’s kinda a problem with the pacing, and i know i’m not the first person to say that. however, i think the only big pacing issue i had with Ellie’s perspective was that kinda weird attempt of an open world map that they did with the gates. it felt a little unnecessary since i, and most other people, are playing for the story, not an open world with various side quest-like things. i missed the guitar cutscene with Ellie playing the guitar and singing to Dina (which kinda sucks, but i obviously just watched it after) because i just wanted to get back to the story rather than explore a large area. it was an attempt at something different so i won’t fault the game for that too much, but also stay in your lane lol so that section was a bit of a miss for me personally. i really liked the rest of it though, it had me engaged the whole time

Abby’s half:

ok. i have a lot to say about this half of the game since this is where most the problems occur.

first, let me preface this by saying that i don’t hate Abby. as i said, from the very beginning i knew she was going to have a, not justifiable, but an understandable reason for murdering Joel and that the game was going to be about seeing two sides to the same story. except, at the same time, i came here for Ellie, so why am i playing as this heterosexual? im mostly kidding. but fr i didn’t need the entire half of the game trying to get me to sympathize with Abby. i really didn’t need the message to be so spelt out for me, i got it from the moment i realized she was going to kill a favorite character.

i think my main gripe with the way they told this story is the way they formatted it. this story has all the elements to be amazing, but the execution just lacked the...finesse? idk if that’s the right word.

rather than splitting up the game into two halves, they could/should have integrated Abby’s story into Ellie’s so that when we cut from Abby holding the gun at Ellie in the theater to suddenly Abby as a young girl, it won’t feel so jarring when we have to start all over again with the upgrades and the timeline.

i really liked how we switched between them in the very beginning so why couldn’t that have just continued? in a book with multiple povs, the author often switches back and forth between every or every few chapters. you never see a book that starts with one perspective, then at the climax you have to start all over again from the other. at least, i’ve never seen this in any books i’ve read and i’ve read a lot ngl

maybe they forced us to stick with Abby for so long because if we’re forced to play as her, then we’re forced to get invested into her story. while this makes sense, it also really degraded at my enthusiasm for the game. it took me so long to just give up on the idea that we would be going back to Ellie relatively soon and when i did actually realize that was what was happening i was really disappointed.

instead of separating their stories, i would’ve liked to have Abby maybe one step behind Ellie the whole time so that while we play we’re just anticipating when Abby will finally catch up and it builds to this whole thing. instead, when we actually got to the point where everything was supposed to go down, we’re hit with whiplash and back to the very beginning with tutorials?? like did they just expect us to forget how to play since we switched characters?

i’m thinking, after Ellie and Dina jump over the barbed wire that explodes and Ellie’s knocked out, we could have switched over to Abby waking up in the WLF stadium. after Abby sneaks out of the stadium and you have that interaction with Jordan where he mentions Leah at the tv station, then we go back to Ellie waking up and tied to the table and we see Ellie kill Jordan.

after this i think Abby should have met Lev and Yara way sooner because i barely even remember what happened before Abby was caught by the seraphites it was so boring. so she gets caught by the seraphites AFTER we meet them through Ellie being shot through the shoulder (i still want to get all the first impressions of new stuff with Ellie because then it still makes her feel like the main character) and we meet the siblings and blahblahblah.

as a follow up, after Ellie kills Nora, which by the way, Ellie’s facial expressions are just so good with the red light while she’s just beating Nora to death? wow that entire interaction was so well done. anyway, after Ellie kills Nora, and Ellie gets back to the theater and the scene ends with her and Dina hugging, then we would switch to that whole section with Abby and Lev traveling to the hospital to get the meds and it would be cool if on her way in, Nora helps Abby and then on her way out, we run into a door we have trouble opening so we push and when it opens, Nora’s beaten up body is right there.

you get the gist. Abby’s story was barely intertwined with Ellie’s until the very end where she finds Owen and Mel dead. she doesn’t know that literally everyone else, except Leah, is dead too. i feel like that would’ve made the impact of Abby and Ellie’s fight at the theater more effective. affective? whatever i’m not an english nerd

i also think we should have gotten the flashback with Abby’s dad a little later when we’re expected to understand her character a bit more.

overall, i’m not mad about getting Abby’s side of the story, but i am mad that the way it was told felt so disconnected from Ellie. we could still get that whole arc of Abby going to the island to get Lev, she can still get her own story apart from Ellie, but she needed to have more of a interaction with Ellie’s actions.

Abby vs. Ellie, Abby’s pov:

i absolutely hate this fight. i really hate the way it was written and the way it happened. i get that the game is trying to give us Abby’s perspective and to show that in her point of view, Ellie is the villain in this story.

except, AGAIN, i don’t need this spoon fed to me!!! i KNOW that the world isn’t black and white and that people’s perspectives are different, but also? i don’t really care. both characters have gone through shit and both have done shitty things. neither of them are innocent, no one in this world is innocent (hence why i really dislike Mel, but that’s not really relevant), so it really comes down to which character you value more. in my - and most other people’s - case, it’s Ellie. i know the whole point of this fight is to make the player uncomfortable, but i wasn’t just uncomfortable, it made me legitimately start to dislike this game (spoiler for the end of this stupid-long review: i don’t completely dislike it)

the game really emphasizes that this is Abby’s story as much as it is Ellie’s and i get that, but this fight did not need to happen the way it did and the game didn’t need to be even longer after this. a lot of people say that we played from Abby’s perspective because Ellie would have killed Abby and that would be that (and she did, by the way, i relished watching Ellie get her revenge because while i don’t hate Abby, it was still so satisfying even if that wasn’t how the game wanted me to play). however however however, Abby wouldn’t have showed mercy either. she was absolutely going to kill Ellie if Dina hadn’t intervened then she was going to kill Dina if Lev hadn’t intervened.

here’s how i wouldve wanted it to go: we go back to Ellie’s perspective once Abby has the gun pointed at Ellie in the lobby and during their fight, Ellie would get the upper hand because she has weapons and shit (let’s be honest, Ellie would not win in hand-to-hand combat with fully-healthy Abby, we saw that first hand). Lev would try to jump in, but then Dina would disarm him and prevent him from escaping her grasp. then eventually Ellie would have the barrel of the shotgun pointed at Abby’s face and she would hear Lev tell her to please stop don’t kill her and Ellie would listen because the same exact thing happened to her (we could get a short flashback or something for more emotions, idk). so instead of killing Abby, Ellie would knock her out and her and Dina would leave and Lev would run to Abby’s unconscious body. this would end that cycle of revenge and because Abby has something more important to her than revenge (Lev), they would move on.

the ending:

if the game went how i just imagined, we probably wouldn’t get an ending that’s as depressing and open ended as it is, but i’m sure Neil and his team could figure something out, such as Ellie still has to deal with PTSD and Tommy’s really pissed at them and Ellie still looses her two fingers. so we get that little domestic sequence and the PTSD flashback and Tommy coming with his eye missing and showing the map. he leaves and when Ellie is about to leave in the middle of the night, Dina convinces her this time to stay and the next day Ellie tries to play the guitar one last time before giving up since she doesn’t have her fingers (i still want that last heartbreaking flashback, that one fucked me up i love it) and she goes out to leave it somewhere in the woods with it all ending with her walking away from the guitar that Joel gave her to symbolize her letting him go. idk man something like that, still not that open ended, but i’m just talking out of my ass rn

anyway that’s not how it went so we’ll stick to reality.

an open ending isn’t supposed to be unsatisfying, because that’s what this ending was. Part I does an open ending perfectly as we still get closure even though we don’t know exactly how things go afterwards (until now obviously).

after playing from Abby’s perspective for so goddamn long, it was weird to play as Ellie again, even while it was also a relief, and that makes me really sad. in the end, i did feel bad for Abby when she was literally left to starve and “hang” (but again i didn’t need 15+ hours in order to feel basic sympathy).

from the way they wrote the story, i knew Ellie wasn’t going to let it go and she was going to leave Dina and JJ. it made sense and i don’t think it was out of character for her, but the fact they did that in the first place and that Abby was the one to let go first? Abby got her revenge, she killed Joel, but Ellie never got that closure so of course she was going to go after Abby.

in the very end, Ellie is left with no one and Abby still has Lev and a group of fireflies to run to. Ellie’s biggest fear was being alone as she said in the first game, but that’s exactly what she’s left with. yeah life is unfair and i do like that the consequences feel real in this story, but i don’t think Ellie deserved to be done so damn dirty while Abby is living her best life. sure all of Abby’s friends were murdered because of Ellie and Dina leaving is Ellie’s own fault and i don’t blame Dina, but i mean we have no idea what happens to Ellie after this, where she goes. it at least feels like she’s on the road to eventually being relatively okay, as okay as you can be in this world.

i can’t completely articulate how i feel about this ending, even after three days having finished playing. all i do know is that while it’s realistic how Ellie’s story ended, i would’ve liked for Abby to get the same treatment. for her to not actually find the fireflies through the radio and escape from the Rattlers only to have no where to go so that, just like Ellie, revenge cost her everything and we don’t know where she went after.

maybe because Abby’s story was pretty much wrapped up and Ellie’s wasn’t, they’re planning for a trilogy, but i guess we’ll see.

the tldr;

this game has all the elements it needed to be amazing overall imo, i just wish they were all utilized Better. the reason it’s so hard to figure out how i feel about this game is because it has so much potential that just never came through and i’m really jealous of all the people who were blown away by this story. it’s still a good game though, but a 7/10 seems too high and 6/10 seems to low. ig it’s a 6.5/10 for me.

thanks for reading if you made it this far

[mimikyumi-gi-blog]

Mimi giggled. Rex continued to spy and eaves drop. SHIT. Was she going to invite him in? His heart raced a bit. “I’m sorry you have to walk back through that.” Mimi didn’t even think of inviting him in. She just thought that would be inappropriate. Suki shook his head, not bothered. “It’s okay. I like the rain.” Mimi nodded, “Me too.” That awkward silence feel again. 

2… Mimi blushed looked up at him. Suki just smiled back, “I can’t wait for our next date.~” Mimi giggled a bit. She hurried over and leaned up, gently kissing his cheek. “I had a great time.” Suki blushed, smiling sweetly at her. “Me too.~” Rex twitched, as he felt his heart sink for some reason. “Night.” Mimi sweetly said her goodbye and turned to unlock her door. “I’ll text you.” Suki waved as she pushed her door open, walking inside. “You better!~” Mimi playfully teased, hugging her door as she slowly pushed it closed. “Night, Suki…~” Suki chuckled a bit, “Night, Mimi.” Mimi finally closed the door, her heart fluttering. He was so perfect. Suki stood there for a second, then looked up at Rex, who was still taking cover. Rex flinched a bit. Did he notice him? Suki’s expression grew a bit smug, holding his jacket with the other. Suki pointed at the cute lip stick mark on his cheek that Mimi had left and winked at Rex as he turned, heading back down the stairs. Rex stood, absolutely enraged now. “Why you..-“ He stood quickly, contemplating chasing him down. The feeling of dread only sank more into his gut. This guy was bad news for Mimi and he knew it.

Rex opened his door, placing the basket back on the floor, then hurrying down to Mimi’s door. He knocked, “Yes?” “How was your date?” Rex called behind the door. He heard the door rustle and Mimi opened it, still soaking wet. “Amazing!” Mimi pulled him in, hugging him tightly, “MIMI!! YOU’RE WET!” Mimi quickly let go, “I’m sorry!” She laughed, noticing the large wet mark she left on him. Mimi danced away, while Rex closed the door behind him, looking around her apartment. “He took me to that really fancy restaurant, The ‘Santa María’. It was really nice.” Mimi walked into her room, closing the door so she could change. “Damn. Fancy.” Mimi quickly changed and came back out, taking a seat on the couch. Rex joined her. “Yeah… SO. How was your match?” Rex looked at her intently, “Mimi, I don’t think you should date that guy.” Mimi blinked, “Why not?” Rex looked at her, “I just… I get a really bad vibe from him! I don’t know. I just have this gut feeling he’s looking for trouble.” Mimi tilted here head, “I don’t understand.” “Me either! But I know a bad squid when I see one, and I’m telling you, Mimi! He’s trouble. And I never want to have to say I told you so, but. I know you really like this guy, or whatever, but… I don’t trust him. And as your friend, I—“ “Do you like me?” Rex was kind of struck by this question, “Mimi, That’s not-“ “Do you, Like me?” She repeated the question. Rex’s heart raced, he honestly didn’t know what to say, “Like…?” “Like, Like like me, Rex?” “No, but- I…” Mimi could tell he was confused, and had no idea what to say, or maybe how to explain it. “I just- You’re my friend. One of my best friends, and I don’t want to see you get hurt!” “Okay. But you’re not my dad. You can’t sit here and tell me you don’t ‘like his vibes’ and expect me to just go with that.” Rex was beginning to get frustrated, “OKAY. When you came in, I was taking out laundry, so I might have gotten nosey and hide down somewhere so you guys wouldn’t see me. After you went inside, that guy, got all cocky, LOOKED RIGHT AT ME, poked his little kissed cheek thing and winked at me. He’s trouble!” “Well, how do you know he doesn’t just think your some kind of pervy stalker? I mean, you were hiding and watching us.” Rex yelled out in frustration, “It’s not like that, Mimi! I’m just concerned!” “CONCERNED, OR JEALOUS!?” She yelled back, “MAYBE BOTH!?” “BUT YOU DON’T LIKE ME!?” “NO!” “REX!!!” Mimi screamed at him, “YOU’RE MY FRIEND BUT I’M JEALOUS AND IM CONCERNED.” “That makes no sense, Rex!” “I DON’T CARE!” Ryder knocked on the door, “Why are you guys screaming?” “GO AWAY!!” Both Mimi and Rex yelled in unison to the door. “If you don’t like me, then why are you jealous!?” Mimi poked Rex aggressively “I don’t know! I told you!” “You can’t just say that! YOU CAN’T JUST BE JEALOUS FOR NO REASON!” “WELL, HERE I AM WITHOUT A REASON!” Rex just continued to yell back. “REX!!” “WHAT!?” “YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY SOMETIMES!” “I’M SORRY!!” Rex didn’t know how to fix this. Mimi crossed her arms, starring intently at him. Ryder opened the door, it slowly creaking open. “He likes you.” Mimi turned around, looking at him. Ryder leaned against the doorway, starring at them. Mimi turned back to Rex, cocking her brow. “No!” Mimi threw up her hands, “I give up.”

Ryder sucked on a lollipop, watching Mimi walk away into her kitchen. Rex shot Ryder a glare. He shrugged, “You’re not helping, you know.” Ryder rolled his eyes, “I’ve never heard her yell at anyone before.” “Yeah! So!?” “You must be some kind of special.” Ryder popped the sucker out of his mouth raising his brows. Rex groaned, “It’s not—…” He rubbed his temples, the stress starting to get to him. Mimi walked back out, seeing them both still there, “Why are you both still here?” “Problems not solved.” Ryder stated, going back to sucking on the candy. “Neither of you are leaving till it’s fixed.” Mimi crossed her arms, “There’s nothing to fix. He doesn’t want me to date someone he’s jealous of, but he’s not jealous because he likes me, because he doesn’t like me.” Ryder shrugged. Mimi rolled her eyes, “You’re no help.” Ryder only shrugged, “Look, you’re both being stupid. Why don’t you just flip a coin? If Rex wins, Mimi can’t date Suki anymore. If Mimi wins, Rex has to admit why he’s jealous.” “I already have! I DON’T KNOW!” Mimi and Ryder both stared at Rex. “…If Mimi wins, it’s decided Rex likes her and wants to date her and that’s why he’s jealous.” Mimi rolled her eyes, looking at Ryder. Ryder laughed and shrugged. Rex just groaned, walking over to her couch and falling down on it, it was time to give up. Mimi walked over to the door, shoving Ryder out. “Bye.” She slammed the door. Ryder chuckled, walking back to his room. At least they weren’t yelling anymore.

 Mimi walked over, sitting beside the couch, looking at a very frustrated boy. Rex groaned quietly, looking over at her, “I’m sorry I don’t have a reason. Why do you want to know so bad?” Mimi shrugged, “It would complicate thing a lot less, if you had reason. I could fix it!” “But maybe not…” Mimi sighed, petting his head, “We can only try, but… I’m not gonna, NOT date someone because you ‘get a bad vibe’. Maybe he wants you to get one! So you’ll back off. Maybe he thinks you like me too.” Rex furrowed his brows, “So you’re okay with him scaring me off?” “No! Of course not…” Rex just stared at her with his deep purple eyes. He sighed, “Fine. I’ll back off and stop being jealous and concerned.” “Thank you. At least let me figure out he’s a douche bag on my own.” Rex snickered, “Oh, you will.” He burried his face into her couch. Mimi just laughed at him, “So, you’re just staying there, or?” “I’ll get up in a minuet…” Mimi pat his head, leaning in and kissing his cheek again, “Next time you see him, you can point at your kissy mark and wink back at him.” Rex quickly turned his head, looking at her. She was still wearing lipstick. He burried his face again, “I will do that.” Mimi just giggled and got up. “Night.~” Rex continued to lay there, his face buried. He sighed. Too many emotions.