#sometimes i think the best year of my life was 2017-2018 and that's it i can never have something like that ever again

[aftgficrec]

Hellooooo, I can’t believe this is open!1!1!!1 First of all, I wanted to thank you all so much for all the work you do!

I wanted to ask for fics about the twinyards pretending to be each other. Mainly light funny ones if you find them but any will do. Thank you so much!!!

Hi there, anon! Most of the light funny ones can be found in our previous ask for this. -A

NB: in longer fics this could just be a quick switch, so read them with that in mind

previous recs:

the twins switch 1 here

‘the glow in our mouths’ and ‘The Morning AUs Chapter 52: The Parent Trap AU’ here

‘The one with Kevaaron’ here

‘Aftg Youtube AU’ here

‘Forming a Family; Forging a Future’ here

you may also like:

Neil mistakes Aaron for Andrew here

twinyard mistaken identity here

‘If I Knew You’ here

aaron minyard is a little bit cursed series by BlueJay26 [Rated G, 2 complete works, Updated June 2023, Locked]

Part 1: Jeremy Knox Solves the Transmutation Question: Baffles Centuries' Worth of Alchemists [1429 Words, Twinyards Appreciation Week 2022] [Merriam-Webster] metamorphosis| \ˌme-tə-ˈmȯr-fə-səs\ : a change of physical form, structure, or substance especially by supernatural means // the metamorphosis of a perfectly nice teak table into gold (by your baby cousin who won't stop getting cursed) Or, Nicky endures the twins' shenanigans in every possible universe. **Written for Twinyards Appreciation Week, prompt - metamorphosis**

Part 2: AITA? No. Am I cursed? Very probably. [505 Words] I impersonated my twin brother to play a trick on his boyfriend. AITA?

AFTG Bingo 2k18: The Twinyard Card by exactly13percent [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2018] 

Chapter 2: Pretend College is difficult enough to navigate without Andrew playing games with Aaron's best friend.

Two of a Kind by gluupor [Rated T, 9957 Words, Complete, 2019]

When Aaron didn't get offered an exy scholarship while Andrew did, they came up with a plan. Andrew would play exy and Aaron would go to class. No one would ever know that they were actually two separate people. What could possibly go wrong?

After Aaron goes to Andrew’s Press conference by @iserenademefan [Tumblr, 2018]

Andrew and Aaron pretending to be eachother by @offbrandginger [Tumblr, 2017]

angstier twins switch:

‘Give Me Another Minute (to Lay Here in Your Echo)’ and ‘another turning point, a fork stuck in the road’ here

‘Unlucky Lies’ here 

‘aparecium’ here 

‘Brother’s Best-Friend’ here

‘white walls’ here

‘Deals With Devils’ here (updated)

Doctor, What Doctor by AceSirenSinger [Rated T, 4081 Words, Complete, 2023]

And then, unfortunately, Aaron has an idea. The idea itself is almost not worth having. It is deeply unethical. It is the opposite of ‘do no harm,’ and it is not even guaranteed to work. Aaron actually thinks that this idea might be worse for his license than performing illegal care on a probable criminal in a back alley in the dark. No, Aaron thinks, it is undeniably worse. “You’re a survivor,” Aaron repeats. “You should already be dead, but you’re not. You should pass out sometime in the next few minutes, but I’m guessing you won’t.” Aaron squares his shoulders, makes himself say the words. “If I give you an address, can you get there? •• An AU where Aaron is a doctor, Andrew is FBI, and Neil’s gone rogue against the mafia. Neil needs medical care, and it really should be Aaron performing it, right? Right??

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: major character injury, tw: blood, tw: violence, tw: needles

Your love is my drug by babyprincess675 [Rated G, 24524 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2024]

Andrew Minyard’s life has been painfully mediocre for years since high school, nothing but guilt keeping him alive up until his twin brother invites him to his Christmas themed wedding in Alaska, where everything changes. Or Andrew gets invited to Aaron’s wedding after years of no contact and things go wrong.

tw: anxiety disorder, tw: suicide attempt, tw: overdose, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: violence, tw: alcohol

in a manner of speaking by likearecord [Rated T, 6335 Words, Complete, 2021]

In Andrew's defense, blind dates are terrible and almost all of Kevin's friends are even worse. Nine times out of ten, calling in a favor to get Aaron to switch and tank it for him would be fine. Unfortunately, Andrew found number ten.

Crossfire by RoseGold_En [Rated M, 18396 Words, Complete, 2018]

The year is 2073. Andrew and Aaron Minyard are twins born into a world with a strict one-child policy due to overpopulation. They take on a singular identity as "Adam Minyard", with only one of them allowed outside at a time. Siblings who are discovered are separated from their families and put into an eternal cryosleep. One day, Andrew disappears. Aaron and Nicky have to find him while maintaining the twins' cover. It's up to Aaron to find out who sold them out and why a bureau agent named "Neil" knows his brother's real name.

tw: vomit, tw: alcohol, tw: violence, tw: gun violence, tw: death, tw: choking, tw: blood, tw: involuntary outing, tw: fire, tw: needles

Secret twin royalty au by @professionalfangirl24601 [Tumblr, 2021]

When queen Tilda gave birth to male identical twins, she knew it could be a threat to her country's future stability. In order to avoid the brothers fighting for the throne, she decided to give one of them up. He would be raised by a maid and then imprisoned with an iron mask constantly covering his face. 

Backliner Andrew by @palmettofoxden [Tumblr, 2017]

Part 1: Andrew takes Aaron's place  Part 2: Andrew takes Aaron’s place - follow-up ideas  Part 3: Backliner Andrew 3/? 

aaron is fat and buff too!!! hc by @palmett-hoes [Tumblr, 2020]

they're deals on deals on deals. meta by @thespineoftherighteous [Tumblr, 2023]

Art

Minyards art by @lnmei

HAPPY TWINYARD DAY!!! art by @babaleza

Aaron and Andrew sand castle building art by @emry-stars-art

POV: You’re Riko and the Twinyards are burying your body. art by @/capt.christine on instagram

nerdy Minyards art by @/intradaya on instagram

Mindyards on defense art by @/kulartly on instagram

andrew & aaron sarcastic healing art by @oliviaillustrations

[lemoncrushh]

OLD FICS REPOSTING

STARTING MONDAY, JULY 8...

I will begin reposting my three completed long fics. These are multi-chaptered fics that I wrote between 2015 and 2018. Please note, these are all Harry x OC fics, two are AUs and one is Real Harry.

I WILL BE POSTING ONE CHAPTER OF EACH FIC PER DAY. So, you can follow along easily or wait til the end and binge them all.

Below is a brief synopsis of each fic, along with warnings. ALL THREE ARE OLDER WOMAN OCs. If this is not your thing, or it turns you off, PLEASE do not read. I got hate for these in the past (and some snarky comments on Wattpad), and I am just too old and tired to defend them anymore. In my opinion, the age thing shouldn't matter, but I would rather put it out there first before I get messages about it.

Just PLEASE REMEMBER TO BE KIND. I have a heart just like everybody else, and I am sensitive. I enjoy interacting with readers and other writers. Feedback is always appreciated, but rude comments will be blocked.

Obviously, you must be over 18 to read my fics.

Summary: After a few years of being a housewife, Tisa Jordan decided to go back to school. Hoping to find inspiration and a new direction in life, she didn't expect to meet Harry Styles, a handsome British twenty-year-old.

When It Was Written: I started this fic around the end of 2014 when I'd just become a Harry fan, and it was completed in 2015. It was my very first Harry fic.

The Characters and Face Claims: This Harry is 20 (he turns 21 at the end), and Tisa is 32. The girl for the face claim of Tisa was just a model in a random stock photo I found, so I don't know who she is. The character Zack is based on Zayn, and Penny is based on Perrie Edwards. Also, I think I used Ashton Irwin for the face claim of Joey, Liam for Grayson, Olivia Wilde for Justine (complete coincidence, I promise lol), Renee Olstead for Liz, and Lea Michele as Britney. I did not use a face claim for James.

Warnings: age gap (older woman), infidelity, smut, unprotected sex, divorce, angst (LOTS), drinking, mentions of mental abuse and dysfunctional childhood

Number of Chapters: 39 (chapters are a bit short in the beginning because I didn't keep track of word counts back then.)

Posting Time: 10AM CDT

Summary: I'm Harry. I have a mundane job where I sit in a cubicle all day. But things just got better because the hottest babe just started working here. And I'm determined to make her mine, even if just for one night. I'm Roni. I just started this new job, but all I can think about is the hottie in the corner cubicle. I think he likes me too.

When It Was Written: This was started in 2015 and finished in 2017 (it was on hold off and on for a while). It started really with just the urge to write about a cocky Harry and eventually turned into a long story. There is a lot of smut, but it ends up having a lot of drama as well.

The Characters and Face Claims: So, as you can see from the cheeky lil summary, this is written in two points of view. This Harry is based on 2013 Harry, so he's 19. Roni is 27. I don't believe I used any face claims for any of the other characters.

Warnings: age gap (older woman), smut, angst (LOTS) * Just want to add that in both this fic and the one above, the characters have unprotected sex. This was simply an oversight on my part. I was married when I wrote these and had not used a condom in years, so it was simply not on my mind. I got called out for it, don't worry lol.

Number of Chapters: 22

Posting Time: 2PM CDT

Summary: Stacey Barnett is a writer and a single mother. Her hands full with two daughters (one with special needs), a newly published novel, an extroverted best friend and a controlling ex-husband, the last thing she expects is to meet an international pop star.

When It Was Written: I started this story in 2016 when I was going through my own divorce, so it's very personal to me. I didn't actually finish it until 2019. Sometimes you write something that you think is going to be a big hit and when it's not, it kind of crushes your spirit. While I knew this was not for everyone, I think because it was so personal to me, it was hard for me to take any criticism (and it still is, tbh).

The Characters and Face Claims: This is the only one of the three that is about Real Harry. The story takes place when he's just released his first solo album, although in this he never cut his hair, and his movie (which is not named) came out before the album. The face claim for Stacey is Rachelle Lefevre. She is 40. Her bestie Lorelei's face claim is Tabrett Bethell. I did not use any other face claims, although most of the other characters are based on real people in my life - Stacey's daughters are mine, her mom is mine, and her ex-husband is mine. I just changed the names.

Warnings: age gap (older woman), smut, angst, mentions of divorce, autism (child), seizures (child), insecurities, flashbacks, nightmares, mental health issues * Again, this mentions a lot of personal issues I had and was going through at the time. I am not exaggerating when I say this is LOADED with angst. You will get angry at the characters, especially Stacey. But please remember to have a heart, because she's been through a lot and doesn't always react the way you think she should.

Number of Chapters: 33

Posting Time: 6PM CDT

In addition, I also have playlists curated for all of these on Spotify. I will link them on the story pages.

Again, please be kind. But if you have any feedback as I post, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Remember, just because they're older fics doesn't mean you can't comment :).

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

Also, if you enjoy my writing, please consider joining my Patreon!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/9/2023

the best photo i took this week

listening

i have not been keeping up with either the tuesdaypost spreadsheet or the tuesdaypost playlists so there's a strong possibility i have already talked about Joywave's It's A Trip! off the 2017 album Content. spotify

driving ten hours in one day is ideal for listening to albums and i listened to almost every joywave album on my way home from the eclipse. american indie rock band from rochester ny, i have loved them since early college. i think they were made in a lab to get to stuck in my head bc they tend toward lower register synthier tracks that deceptively amble cheerfully along and talk about dealing with fear. songs for a male protagonist to splash water on his face, look at himself in the mirror haunted by what he's seeing, linger in his children's bedroom doorways, and then drive off into the night for the finale.

i think i listened to this song for an hour on loop yesterday bc the chorus so perfectly got stuck in my brain

When you've gotten what you want (Maybe I should start over) There's nothing left to want (Up and at 'em again) You don't know what you want (Yeah, I'm thinking it over) Just tell me what to Want

they have spent a lot of time figuring out how to have longevity as a band: "The record kind of attempts to figure that out but it doesn’t end in a definitive place. For me personally, it’s just to create things that matter as long as I possibly can, and to make things that are going to outlive me that people can hang onto for at least five to six years after I’m dead." they are deeply cranky about virality/content churn, especially in this interview. i appreciate this in an artist.

could not tell you how i first found them. i think i would have to go back to the proto-tuesdayposts of 2018.

-

reading

when you're not sleeping well you can average a book a night!

Uprooted by Naomi Novik destroyed me. (image from here)

“Our Dragon doesn’t eat the girls he takes, no matter what stories they tell outside our valley. We hear them sometimes, from travelers passing through. They talk as though we were doing human sacrifice, and he were a real dragon. Of course that’s not true: he may be a wizard and immortal, but he’s still a man, and our fathers would band together and kill him if he wanted to eat one of us every ten years. He protects us against the Wood, and we’re grateful, but not that grateful.”

my best friend real-life influenced me into reading this book and i have since managed to convince four other people to read this book bc i won't shut up about it. the descriptions of the physicality of magic and how different kinds of magic and different families of spells Feel was only part of the coolest magical system ive ever read about. this is not a dark romance but it is a little brutal in a brothers grimm/this is how battles shake out sometime kind of way. i think a companion piece of media written from the Dragon's point of view would nicely parallel that post going around about how Howl's Moving Castle the movie is from Howl's point of view and Howl's Moving Castle the book is from Sophie's point of view. i would die for Agnieszka.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (image from here)

Miryem is the daughter and granddaughter of moneylenders… but her father isn’t a very good one. Free to lend and reluctant to collect, he has loaned out most of his wife’s dowry and left the family on the edge of poverty–until Miryem steps in. Hardening her heart against her fellow villagers’ pleas, she sets out to collect what is owed–and finds herself more than up to the task. When her grandfather loans her a pouch of silver pennies, she brings it back full of gold. But having the reputation of being able to change silver to gold can be more trouble than it’s worth–especially when her fate becomes tangled with the cold creatures that haunt the wood, and whose king has learned of her reputation and wants to exploit it for reasons Miryem cannot understand.

i don't know if i've ever read a book with seven points of view before? i think it was well handled, but it required significantly more brainpower than screaming through three of kingfisher's light fantasy/romances in two days and it threw me a little. saying this book is about debts cheapens it a little, i think. it is concerned with debts but also safety, and it is very much about cost in a very fairytale way and in the horrible everyday calculus of survival way.

Swordheart, Paladin's Hope, and Paladin's Strength by T. Kingfisher. god these go down So smooth. kingfisher has a niche and i respect that. i am reading the Saint of Steel tetralogy out of order bc even four library systems can only do so much, and i don't think you particularly need to read them in order.

i'm a bit cranky that the terfs took feminist fantasy from me, bc when the protagonist got her period in Paladin's Strength a little alarm bell went off in my head and i had to put it down and google some stuff (the answer is no btw). there is a way to write female-focused lightly historical fantasy without being terfy and kingfisher does it, but it's so rare that i was genuinely expecting some sort of. weird agenda to be at play.

these were all fun, fast reads and i don't have much else to say about them! not that they are better or worse than novik's books but they will not live in my head quite as long. there are fewer tantalizing hints about systems of magic that make me want to graph things out u kno

-

watching

kanopy has Animation April as their focus this month which is how i saw The King and the Mockingbird (1980, dir. Paul Grimault) which is a longer piece adapted from something he'd been working on since the 40s.

This animated fantasy tale follows the romance between a lovely shepherdess and a handsome chimney sweep. The land's imperious king falls for the beautiful woman and tries to thwart her relationship, but a kind mockingbird assists the lovers in evading the ruler. At the king's command, the chimney sweep and his bird friend are imprisoned, and they must escape in order to rescue the young man's true love.

GOD the animation in this. there are so many references to early animation and silent film. there are so so so many gadgets and methods of conveyance in an absolutely architecturally dizzying castle. there is a ROYAL MECH that plays its own theme music. the backgrounds have a very Chuck Jones quality in that they are exactly as detailed as they need to be for the gag to work. the castle is lush and beautiful but not dizzyingly, overwhelmingly lush. there is a clear vision to every shot and a clear path your eye is meant to travel, which i appreciate very much. i think a lot of technically impressive animation (i am specifically thinking of the Nimh movies) muddies itself by trying to jam too much on the screen. just a fucking delight of a film. a delicious confection

-

playing

nothing specific to say about genshin this week ur welcome

-

making

painted a frame (it was a dead basic michaels frame i got at a yard sale and it was giving little boy's room) and framed a thing. this is a poster that came as a freebie with a 1997 album, and i actually bought this CD case without the CD inside bc i was so delighted with the poster. scuff sanded the frame with 120 grit, i went with a matte black acrylic bc i felt that disguised how the poster did not quite fit the frame a little better? and also bc it was what i had in the house.

i did not bother with a mat, i just used the lining paper with the stock photo and painted the back of that. do not do this with particularly valuable or beloved pieces. i do not think this is necessarily acid free and there is some danger that the paint may transfer to the back of the poster over time.

[marimayscarlett]

You’ve probably answered this before but I am kind of new here so I’ll ask again: how and when did you become a fan of Rammstein?

For me it was my best friends mom, she has an entire dedicated to the band and she took us with her to see a tribute band, which was cool and all, then I got my first mp3 player and asked the mom for audio files of the cds (ripping was a possibility then) because I liked rock and metal, I had my dads old Iron Maiden, Nirvana, Roling Stones cd’s etc already on it :) Plus is German class at the same time in high school, Sonne was played as an example of German music, which was very cool. Since then I am a listener. Was unfortunately too expensive at the time to go the MIG tour, my first time was festival tour 2016! And since then I have been every time they were in the ‘area’. And when Paul announced the break this year, I felt lost because aside from 2018 and the covid years I have seen them each year and was wondering how to survive without and started looking for the online fandom! And now I am here!🖤

Hi and thank you so much for your lovely message! I always enjoy reading and hearing how others found their way to the band and into the fandom! 🤲🏻

I mentioned my own story here and there briefly, but this asks gives me the opportunity to delve a little deeper 🙂‍↕️

Growing up as a kid in 90's and early 2000's Germany, it was almost impossible to avoid the band. Rammstein was a name that was always present, and while "Du hast" was the band's flagship song worldwide, "Engel" was THE Rammstein song that everyone in Germany knew (and still knows). I can remember hearing that song on the radio as far back as I can think.

Now things are about to get random: When I was around 11/12 years old, I was already neck deep in my fantasy/vampire phase, and I desperately wanted to watch something truly scary, like the cool kids. My mother didn’t allow me to watch horror movies, but she had another idea and showed me the video for "Du riechst so gut." I instantly fell head over heels for the song and had it on my MP3 player since I was 12 😊. However, I found the video so creepy, and as a child, I was terrified of Paul with his red eyes for ages 🫢

(gif source)

My third Rammstein song was "Stripped," which my father showed me. I was also introduced to the music video, kind of as an educational tool for Leni Riefenstahl, as my parents explained to me that while her film footage is very controversial due to her ideology (rightfully so), they were once considered highly aesthetic.

I saw Rammstein live for the first time in 2013 at the Southside Festival. I wasn’t a full fan yet, but I was incredibly excited to hear "Du riechst so gut" live. And I remember that all the Rammstein fans around me were incredibly kind and friendly, giving each other plenty of space to dance 😊.

Here comes another random but vital moment: I used to cosplay a lot and attend various conventions, one of them being Gamescom in Cologne. In 2015, after a particularly exhausting convention day, a friend and I came home in the evening and spent the night vegetating on the couch, clicking through YouTube, until we came across a video titled "Ich will" by Rammstein. Since I was somewhat familiar with the band by then, I was curious, so we clicked on it. And well:

That guy comes on screen and that was it for me.

Since then, Rammstein has become an inseparable part of my life. I’ve seen them live several times in 2017, 2023, and 2024, made wonderful friends through the fandom, and kind of met my husband with the help of this band (the first conversation we ever had was about Till's newly released album "Skills in Pills" in 2015 🤭)

This band has given me so much, brought me a lot of joy and distraction, pushed me to educate myself on various topics, and simply feels like a musical home for me.

Sometimes it’s not easy being a Rammstein fan (for various reasons), but I can’t imagine my life without them anymore 🤍

If anyone wants, feel free to share with with your experience on how you found your way to Rammstein 🤲🏻

[bwaldorf]

ramasha do you have any bollywood movie recs?? 🎤

omgggg em im so honored you thought of me!! 🫶🏼🩷

tbh i've sorta been on a journey of watching more bollywood (and south asian cinema in general), since there was a huge chunk of my life where i just never really kept up with releases and was sorta discouraged from watching it so my taste isn't the Most diverse (in terms of genres and years) but i'm working on it 😭 that said, here's my attempt at giving you a lot of different options, so hopefully there's something here that strikes your fancy hehe :3

lots will be under the cut bc im a huge YAPPER.... sorry. also, some of these haven't really aged that well and are sometimes more of just a nostalgic fav and/or ones i think are iconic so... take some of these recs with a grain of salt

some of my bigger personal faves:

om shanti om (2007) — it may hit more if you have a bit more exposure to bollywood cinema and its industry bc it references it a lot, but i still think it's an enjoyable movie regardless! (yes i am biased bc this is one of my fav bollywood movies ever + a huge nostalgic fav. plus SRK and deepika padukone.. can't go wrong there!)

haider (2014) — this movie is SOOOO good! i highly rec it 💞 it's an adaptation of hamlet, set within the backdrop of the 1995 kashmir conflicts. this is actually a part of trilogy of shakespeare adaptations by the director: the other two are maqbool (2003) which is macbeth and omkara (2006) which is othello

main hoon na (2004) — another SRK nostalgic fav

ghajini (2008) — it rips off christopher nolan's memento but i think it adds a lot of its own stuff too and i have a soft spot for it 😭

andhadhun (2018)

kahaani (2012)

tumbbad (2018)

amar singh chamkila (2024)

3 idiots (2009) — the most likely one that non regular bollywood watchers will know and deservedly so imo

gully boy (2019)

hum saath saath hain (1999) — okay not objectively the best movie.. but its a hugely nostalgic and comfort movie for me and i think its great if you wanna watch something that's heartfelt and doesn't have a ton of high stakes conflict

maine pyar kiya (1989) — same as above ☝🏼 i watched this one a lot as a kid

jab we met (2007)

devdas (2002) — worth it for at least the beautiful cinematography, costumes, and gorgeous talented cast

fanaa (2006) — plot is kinda messy at times but it was a real angst machine for me as a kid 😭

photograph (2019)

sir (2018)

bulbbul (2020) — tw for a rape scene though. sorry for the spoiler but it was genuinely really harrowing for me to watch so i think its important to mention

misc other movies i've seen:

qala (2022)

dil bole hadippa! (2009) — admittedly, i haven't rewatched this one in a long time so i can't totally say it holds up. it's a rip-off of she's the man, but … better….. TO ME. yes im speaking from nostalgia bc this is the one i saw first

badhaai do (2022) — this is technically a 'sequel' to the similarly titled movie badhaai ho (2018) but they're actually total standalones

gangubai kathiawadi (2022) — i have such mixed feelings about this one but it's a movie that really stuck with me ever since i watched it soooo yeah

raees (2017) — SRK looks unbelievably fine in that movie. need i say more?

koi mil gaya (2003) — it's a mix of both ET and close encounters of the third kind... but in my very biased, nostalgic opinion: better 🫣 there's also a few sequels, but i only really remember seeing krrish (2006)

josh (2000) — another entry to the SRK looks super gorgeous in this movie 😭 this is basically a desi west side story

go goa gone (2013) — not the best to me, but its a bollywood zombie movie! which was a very new concept to me in that industry so ofc i had to throw it in there

chennai express (2013)

mohabbatein (2000)

dilwale dulhania le jayenge (1995) — had to include this for SRK reasons and also bc it's a massively impactful movie in the industry so i'd be remiss not to

andaz apna apna (1994)

ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga (2019)

jaane tu.. ya jaane na (2008)

aaja nachle (2007)

munna bhai mbbs (2003)

gangs of wasseypur - part 1 (2012) — i've only seen the first one in this series but if you want a somewhat slower, meditative, gangster movie this one def fits the bill

what's your raashee? (2009) — can't remember how well this ages (i think it was pretty mid?) but the concept is fun! priyanka chopra plays 12 girls: each personifying a different zodiac sign as the main guy tries to find his soulmate 😭

taare zameen par (2007) — you'll also see this listed as 'like stars on earth' sometimes

amar akbar anthony (1977)

don (2006) — villainous SRK? sign me up! he actually has multiple movies where he's this sorta antihero/"antivillain" type character. and even a few where he's a straight-up villain. i've been trying to get through all of those bc i just love his range

anjaam (1993) — an example of the aforementioned thing ☝🏼 SRK plays a genuinely terrible guy here, and i love how it actually challenges a lot of the tropes that bollywood tends to use in its romances and shows how creepy and stalkerish they actually are (despite it being typically framed in the narrative otherwise)

partner (2007) — i recently found out it was basically ripping will smith's hitch 😭 i haven't seen that one so i can't say which is better, but if you enjoyed that one, you'll probably be into this one too. it's very unserious and not the Best. but i watched it a lot as a kid

aaja nachle (2007)

roadside romeo (2008) — okay this is a very unserious, low budget animated movie rec. it's soooo so silly and dumb but if you're in the market for smth like that, this is an amusing one for that

welcome (2007) — i gotta rewatch this one bc i don't remember a lot but it seems like a lot of tomfoolery and shenanigans

my name is khan (2010) — another one i gotta rewatch for its politics but i figured i'd throw it in regardless

black (2005)

kal ho naa ho (2003)

kuch kuch hota hai (1998)

sholay (1975)

hungama (2003)

some from my watchlist that i haven't seen yet:

(as if this list needed to be any longer.... but anyways! including these bc i think they seem promising/interesting and i think they introduce More variety of genres/time periods than the ones before)

ijaazat (1987)

thappad (2020)

udaan (2010)

merry christmas (2024)

chhoti si baat (1976)

hindi medium (2017)

the lunchbox (2013) — heard LOTS of good things about this one!

lipstick under my burkha (2017)

neerja (2016)

queen (2014)

rajnigandha (1974)

kaagaz ke phool (1959)

anand (1971)

paheli (2005) — it's a mainstream bollywood remake of duvidha (1973)

baadshah (1999)

monica, o my darling (2022)

madhumati (1958)

raaz (2002)

satya (1998)

highway (2014)

oh darling! yeh hai india! (1995)

pyaasa (1957)

sardar udham (2021)

awaara (1951)

shree 420 (1957)

kaminey (2009)

mahal (1949)

chandigarh kare aashiqui (2021)

bunty aur babli (2005)

talvar (2015)

duplicate (1998)

lootera (2013)

mughal-e-azam (1960)

baazigar (1993)

trapped (2017)

fire (1996) — a hugely significant movie in explicitly showing a wlw relationship in bollywood. i believe it was the first in that regard?

stree (2018)

piku (2015)

english vinglish (2012)

umrao jaan (2006) — there's also an earlier version of this movie with the same title that came out in 1981! i haven't seen either yet so i can't say which is better

jodhaa akbar (2008)

darr (1993) — big movie for villain SRK enthusiasts if that interests you too like it does me 🤭

zindagi na milegi dobara (2011)

dil dhadakne do (2015)

dear zindagi (2016)

special 26 (2013)

badla (2019)

mardaani (2014)

raman raghav 2.0 (2016)

peepli live (2010)

drishyam (2015)

[ahappyphjl]

When do you think it was that Dan contemplated moving out bc he was too happy/comfortable with Phil and needed to be lonely/sad to make content/be productive?

2012 could make sense. He’d basically lived at Phil’s own Manchester flat anyway and could have thought it best not to move in together (as they just watch tv/get takeaways like they mentioned in tell the truth video) so he thought this would happen more when officially getting a place together and wanted to be productive But this is around the time they moved to London and they already said it was expensive enough with 2 of them sharing a place so not sure. Unless he was planning to get a small cheap place for himself in London and still stay at whatever home Phil would get in London, most of the time.

2017 we know they moved so maybe then but again that’s when they were planning forever home and wanting to save up to buy. Seems a weird jump to go from maybe move out to forever home. Also, they technically did have 2 flats when they moved in 2017 work & life one, so if it was at this time Dan considered it, they could’ve had one flat each but they didn’t. One was just for filming.

2018 onwards I doubt it since they were in stages of designing/ buying their home even planning to move in 2018 during ii.

Unless it was sometime 2012-2017 during living in the first London flat he considered getting his own little place. Especially if they were financially stable enough at this point.

Although it’s a sad thought he considered it, it’s like for like the sweetest wholesome reason <3 but yeah when do you think it could’ve been? Can’t work it out

gosh i’ve been trying to think of a reply to this, thanks for your thoughts! all my thoughts under the cut 👇🏻

to me it wouldn’t make any sense he would’ve contemplated it after 2017. when they decided to buy the forever home, that’s like a solid, major life decision, that i don’t think dan would’ve made lightly at all. he wouldn’t want to hurt phil by agreeing to it and then maybe backing out later.

that being said, i do think it’s possible it was right before that, when he thought about what his life would be like if they lived separately. that was a time they seemed to be very happy together, but it had been years at that point of mostly “dan and phil-the duo” and not much of their individual projects. dan had also never lived on his own, so that must’ve played a part in it too. as we know, dan now really wants to have that individuality and a clear separation between what he does professionally as a solo entertainer, versus what he does with phil. so it would make sense he was worried, that being so happy with phil would lead him to betray his personal goals and aspirations, and kill his often melancholy fueled creativity.

so to sum that up, i’d guess 2016-early 2017. luckily it doesn’t really matter anymore, cause he was able to see past those fears. i totally understand why he considered it though, cause all his adult life he’s been with phil, lived with him, worked with him, all the time. and as much as you love someone, it’s always important to know who you are as an individual, not just who you are with them. respect to dan for being true to himself 🫶🏻

[aphrodite1288]

Jongin is friends with homophobic and generally-horrible-ass-person Siwon? He’s really got no right to be judging any of Kyungsoo’s friends, ever 🥴

First off, I clearly said Exo are not so close with these people just friends and they do talk. And Exo themselves recently with"Eunchae" during Cream Soda promotions updated us on their status with their celebrity friends, and they clearly said " We have no friends anymore in the industry" and Xiumin jumped and said " We only have each other, stay away from making celebrity friends!" They literally warned her. Why would they do that? Because in their 15years to 16 years and for Baek it's 12 years since they joined the company in this period of time of course they made tons of friends and maybe later on they were hurt, offended, lied to, scammed, gaslit, manipulated or exposed so they had to stop these friendships at some point because they found it was wrong and consuming their energy especially during first years of debut and you know the Korean culture, the Hoobaes get forced to be nice and respectful to their sunbaes and older people which is stupid because you should be nice even to people you dislike. So we don't know their status with their celebrity friends now. I don't know Since last time We saw Ji eating with Siwon in 2017 and 2018 we never heard of them ever again. So we never know their friendship status now. For Siwon's case he is a very religious christian and he said This is against God's will in the bible, and in sure every christian knows that being gay is a massive Sin basically in every Religion, it's fine if people think differently from you, if they can't accept something doesn't make them bad people, Siwon ate his own bandmate's head and tried all his best for so many years to make him go back on track and make him believe in God 😂 and you know who I'm talking about "HEECHUL" and the latter many times have shared he was so annoyed and literally fought with Siwon because Siwon insisted on making him believe there's a God and told him several times that he doesn't want him to go to Hell and he literally begged him to do not do this and to start believing in God because he loved him and he doesn't want him to sin and go to hell. So he did it out if a good motive. But that was his bandmate of almost 20 years! Would he be this close to tell Ji " You're gay you're sinning" I don't even think Jongin ever opened up about his personal life and sexual orientation to Siwon ever, Ji is a very private person, I heard even the Exos and their managers never got to see Kadi making out and That there was only twice where Kadi stole a very chast Pecks from each other in Inkigayo and AAA in their waiting room but no members were looking and that's how we got the famous two Kadi kisses. Because they're just too respectful around their bandmates that they don't wanna make them uncomfortable. Because also them believe that not everyone would be accepting of them.

Sometimes your friends do wrong and do something toxic, you either leave them or forgive them and move on, like What Irene did, she is Suho's friend, but she had a massive disrespectful scandal with her Staff, and we still saw suho with her attending events, does that mean he supports her behavior? No! You give your friends advice and you can disagree with them and scold them and even fight them for their wrong but you can still be friends of course if what they did was not so over the limits. And sometimes I saw people in my circle even forgive their friends or partners for being a literal red flag with toxic traits. I'm not saying you should, but you never know when you can forgive someone for even hurting you. I've seen many women forgiving their cheating husbands even! I see them stupid but I don't know their hearts maybe they just couldn't let go of such toxic relationship, if it was me I move on and ghost people the very next day 🤣

For Ksoo's friends, where did I or any admin every say Ji judged Ksoo's "Hyung Actors Squad"? He only didn't like Insung because he has done some very crazy shit to Ksoo and to him, he was also trying to take Ksoo to gay bars introducing him to Sexy almost naked men who dance seductively, which can lead to massive scandals & Ruin his career, he was telling him to leave SM and join his company it's the main reason of their massive fight back in 2019, because Ksoo was so naive and nice, and old group members here do know the full story to this.

I have a non-accepting friend of mine, and my best cousin both can't accept the Gay agenda. I have a friend who disagreedbwith the way I'm dressing and My religion, but we're still friends, she did voice out her opinion with me very respectfully and I accepted it.

My cousin hated watching Young Royals BL with me and she told me she will leave while I was watching if I don't change the Serie to another one, and I did because I respect her opinion, yet she still respects her gay friends who study with her. But she isn't accepting of them from her own beliefs and traditions and religion. You can't force people what to think and like and what to dislike. But they just have to be respectful about it, not offending you directly! And I doubt Siwon or any celebrity would openly be homophobic with their supposedly Gay friend in their face, because after all they're idols and they have a reputation they're scared to ruin.And if Siwon ever offended him after he knew Ji was Gay I'm sure Ji would cut their friendship or maybe if he was shy from his sunbae, he would turn it into a fully Work-Friendship nothing more. You know what I mean.

And not every friend at work is your bestie. And I said they're just friends but not so close. And if there's anyone who's so open-minded it's Super Junior and SHINee and Amber from Fx, because they're besties with each other, and who's the openly gay? Yes Key and Amber. And they were so supportive of them. Also you should know for many years after Exo's debut not everyone knew they were in a relationship, only Key and Krystal and Seulgi Knew. Others were just hearing rumors about them but no one believed it at first, they thought they're baseless gossip from old Trainees who left SM and who trained with Exo.

[dissociacrip]

YIL portugal the man (responsible for "feel it still") has a member who is a wheelchair user!

From his bed in the ICU, the first thing Howk asked for was a guitar. Still able to use his hands, he started working on new ways to hold and position the instrument, even as he struggled to sit up without passing out. But his objective was steadfast: “It was my therapy to get back into music,” he says.

By September of that year, Howk was playing onstage, but he yearned to be on the road again. He began playing with any band that would let him come along, and he drove himself to gigs up to 1,000 miles away. “Figuring out how to play a show is one thing,” he says. “Figuring out how to tour was a much longer process. And that’s still something I’m trying to figure out.”

For years, the rock band Portugal. The Man had their eyes on Howk to join the group. Howk grew up in Wasilla, Alaska, with founding members John Baldwin Gourley and Zach Carothers, but Howk was always busy in other bands.

“Growing up with Eric, he was always the best guitarist we knew,” says Gourley, PTM’s frontman. “He was always the dude you’d see in the hallway, just hanging out and playing guitar every day.”

But joining a major touring band as a wheelchair user presented a myriad of accessibility challenges for Howk. In the years that followed his injury, he avoided flying on planes, but PTM played gigs across the U.S. and traveled abroad. When it came to venues, most didn’t have a working wheelchair lift—and many didn’t even have a ramp. And accessible tour buses? According to the band, only two exist in the U.S.

“In our brain, we were just thinking about logistics, trying to plan everything out with buses, stages, with backstage, with festivals,” says Carothers, PTM’s bassist. “We were overthinking, just lost in our minds.”

As they struggled to come up with a strategy, Gourley told the band they’d simply make it work. “John is a real good person when something demands action,” Carothers adds. “He brought out the Alaskan and was like, ‘Let’s just do it.’ That’s how we do everything in life, so let’s just jump in and learn to swim.”

So, as a band, they swam. And they flew. And they lifted Howk on and off the tour bus—or wherever he needed to be if it was inaccessible. Together they made touring work, taking on each challenge day by day.

“They make it accessible, just by carrying me on and off, you know?” Howk says with emotion in his voice. “There’s this one-size-fits-all approach to accessibility for a lot of things. But having flexibility and adaptability gets things done better. Sometimes it’s smarter. Sometimes it’s harder. But with every situation that we’re in, we approach it as the situation comes. That’s very much the spirit of this band, and I don’t think I could do this with anybody else. I know I couldn’t.”

Since Howk joined PTM in 2015, the band’s profile skyrocketed. In 2017, Portugal. The Man released its eighth studio album, Woodstock. The album produced two No. 1 hits on the alternative charts in the U.S., including the explosive megahit “Feel It Still.” That song nabbed the group a Grammy in 2018, and they took their success on the road. The band toured across the U.S., Europe and Australia with Howk, who gathered data on the accessibility of every venue they visited—the good, the bad, the despicable.

[...]

Portugal The Man wanted disabled fans to get the opportunity to see them live, so for their most recent North American tour in 2022, they launched PTM Night Out, a charitable initiative created to make their concerts ADA accessible. Select winners were given VIP treatment, with transportation to and from the venue, as well as an on-site escort and an exclusive meet-and-greet with the band. “It’s a discovery and research project more than anything,” Howk says. “I don’t think that accessibility in ticketing for a lot of companies is working the best way. We know that it’s not one-size-fits-all, so it’s about having conversations. It’s easy to get hyperfocused on mobility access, but that’s just a tiny part of it.”

Howk says solutions emerge from asking people what they need and not by shoving them into a designated area. It’s about asking concertgoers where they want to be, depending on their needs.

After a successful pilot program—and with a new album on the horizon—the band hopes to take PTM Night Out on tour around the world, pushing venues to do better. “We’re seeing actual concrete getting mixed in wheelbarrows, like real-time repairs in venues where they’re listening,” Howk says. “We’re doing audits and doing the work.”

dated jan. 4th, 2023

would've been really cool to watch them play at the festival yesterday in light of this news but i had no clue 🥲

[grace-williams-xo]

Rating a selection of the (main) fandoms I’ve been in over the years. This is just for shits and giggles, please don’t start a war. I truly sincerely don’t care that much. Peace and love. [my current level of engagement with these fandoms varies]

One Direction 7/10 (fandom since 2013)

Absolutely cooked, but looking back, not that bad

Very powerful. Live in fear if we ever properly reunite again (the last big thing was July 2020 iykyk) bc we have reach everywhere and it never leaves our souls

Ahead of its time, but also an exact summary of 2012–2014

The solos who fight are the worst please fucking chill

The best fandom ever when it comes to tagging fics I won’t be debating this

Larries still exist in 2024 I can’t believe it either and they are the blueprint for all toxic shipping culture. Larries get a 1/10 and that 1 is for the good au fics only

5SOS 8/10 (fan since 2013, fandom since 2018)

Lots of overlap with directioners so have always kind of just been the smaller version of that fandom

Smaller fandoms can be less toxic but also sometimes 5sos fam is/was an absolute mess for no reason at all

Has been much more toxic since 2020 onwards because the guys have lives and people get way too bored

Some fans with directioner roots can’t comprehend that the band actually like each other and that’s just funny to me

Fletcher 6/10 (fan since 2017, fandom since 2020)

It was a great fandom until the first album cycle started, and then it got bad, and then Becky’s so hot made it worse, and then last year Fletcher herself joined a cult and drove it off a cliff

Currently it’s a mess of fans either forgiving her entirely, stanning Chappell Roan and Renee Rapp instead but continuing to tweet about her problems once a month, or—my favourite—forgiving her when she tours near them

Taylor Swift 4/10 (fan since 2009, fandom since 2015)

Gets worse with every passing second. Rep era? Great. Lover era? Good. Folklore/evermore? Alright. Fearless/Red TV? Tolerable. Midnights/Eras onwards? Abhorrent.

Gaylors will either save the world or end it

Some of the most insane dick riding for a fave I’ve ever seen in a fandom in my life please have some perspective

Hawaii Five-0 10/10 (since 2017)

The most active fandom for a dead tv show, I feel like I’m clout farming every time I post a fic

Never seen a more headcannoned ship in my life than mcdanno

No controversial debates

Overall very chill, but we all give the people writing genuine Steve/Lynn or Danny/Amberlissa fics side eye

Glee 9/10 (since 2018)

If you watched glee, it will come as no surprise that no one in this fandom is mentally okay

Way too passionate about ranking the seasons

Entirely cooked, but very self aware so we’re having fun

Bridgerton 7/10 (since Apr 2024)

The shipper fights take years off my life PLEASE relax I am begging you

Some of the fandom think rich straight white women are the most oppressed class of society

Good fics but you do not know how to tag smh

White Collar 19/10 (since Jan 2024)

The best!!!

No drama the only debate is about what happened in/after the finale, but it isn’t toxic

I lied the debate is are Peter/Neal romantic

Speaking of, no one protects spoilers like this fandom. We will go to battle to make sure new watchers don’t get the big reveals spoiled

Would’ve gotten a 20 but y’all, respectfully, mostly suck ass at tagging fics it’s maybe the worst fandom I’ve ever come across

[toronto-intifada]

Words from 61 year old Palestinian Refugee in Canada, Maryam Alnazer

"I was born in Palestine, in the city of Hebron. I finished my high school there, under the occupation, of course. I witnessed many scary things in my childhood. I was maybe 5 or 6 years old when the Israeli forces came to my home to arrest my uncle, who was 16 years old, at 3AM. Can you imagine a child, five or six years old, waking up to see the soldier over, with his full weapons?

We had many arrested in my family and in my city, friends and neighbours. It was also very difficult to walk to the school, and many times they (soldiers) came to the school, only trying to frighten people. I still sometimes dream about that that they came. And many nights you also see your neighbour, they kill him for nothing. Many young people.

So I came here as a skilled worker in 2017-2018. I chose Canada from four countries. I preferred Canada because I thought I will find peace and justice here, right? And it's the best country to live in.

Unfortunately, last year was very bad for us to see that there is no democracy in Canada. Without a democracy, there is no peace. I don't really feel safe here anymore because I saw with my own eyes how the police, instead of protecting us, is attacking us. We are only demonstrating peacefully. I really cannot understand when five big policemen attack a tiny girl. One of them held her, and 20 other police protected them, so we cannot help her. Can you imagine? I saw this.

I couldn't believe. I thought I can live in peace here. I really am scared of the police here. They remind me of Israeli soldiers. They are the same, believe me, especially the Toronto ones.

After Land Day (in March), they arrested me. They came to my house. Maybe 12 people, with a ram to open the door if I don't open it. Can you imagine? I'm 61 years old. They took me to the station for five hours, then they released me

I didn't do anything. They are accusing me that I have a weapon and I hit a horse. It was my flag. This is a weapon for them. I didn't even reach out to the horse to push them. The horses are so big and they were walking through us (the crowd).

My background is in physiotherapy. I have a degree in physical culture and physiotherapy. So all my life, I've been working with people, sick people, handicapped, and treating people. I will not hurt anybody.

We are not terrorists. We are trying to protest peacefully here.

I think that any nation under occupation for 76 years has the right to defend itself. We tried with Israel, tried with peace, but Israel is not respecting anything. They are still taking our land, killing our people.

But of course, we still have hope"

-Maryam Alnazer for The Grind

[freckliedan]

I never knew your lore!! What was it like dating in a triad if it's sth you're comfortable talking about. Especially with someone you obviously loved a lot. What were your feelings for the other person? How did you even manage to communicate enough to be able to do that? Was it complicated at all? Was it fun/hot? Sorry if it's a lot but I've had someone proposition this to me and I just was so confused I didn't know better and said no. Now I regret it bc I feel so attracted to these people and would honestly love that (but more in a friends with benefits kinda way)! But I'm not in love with either so that made it easier for me to consider it at least? If I were, idk how I would handle it bc I'm quite insecure/easily jealous person

it's not lore i've talked the most about! but i've been increasingly open about poly stuff on here and i love the people in my life very much so i'm happy to talk about it! under the cut tho, bc this will get long.

when i was dating in a triad w/ my ex, they were actually the newest addition to the relationship—the third person is art, my now husband! and we all have different genders now than we did at the time we all three dated.

in a lot of ways it was very cool and wonderful being in a triad!!! like. they to this day are two of my favorite people in this world. it ruled loving them and being loved by them and it still does though the forms have changed.

me & art were best friends for a couple years before we started dating in 2014, & when our relationship changed to dating it was very much a case of "we're best friends and want to be in each other's lives forever, we just also want to kiss & probably have sex someday about it & to belong to each other".

(probably someday on the sex due to. we were 18 and had both never kissed anyone before. we took it slow).

ex has been one of both of our other best friends since that same point in time, & we dated him from 2017-2018. it was a very similar start to our dating relationship w ex—we already were best friends and wanted to hang out forever, we were just adding more to the relationship we already shared.

and we all had a great dynamic when all 3 of us were spending time together, but also each had individually strong relationships? me and art hung out just the two of us, but so did me and ex & ex and art. adding a new dimension to it all was the easy part?

we spent a lot of time that summer walking dogs and camping and fooling around and laughing together and getting stoned.

& yes it was very fun and hot. i shan't elaborate. but there was a point in time where i'd EASILY had more threesomes than anyone else i knew.

it was sometimes complicated and hard but not because it was hard to have that much love in our lives? i am the opposite of a jealous person and had mostly worked thru the insecurity i felt in the first few years of me and art's relationship/did not see his relationship w our ex as something that could replace what he and i have bc we're all very different people so was not insecure abt it.

it was just. a difficult time in all three of our lives individually? none of us were in a good place with mental health, & largely due to factors outside of our control. i'm not going to get into art & ex's sprcific struggles, but i was being medically neglected, freshly had gone no contact with my mom, & was just out of a toxic/abusive living situation.

(& my ex roommates were also COWORKERS of me and art. yes they treated me like shit at work bc art was full time in classes and only in like once a week. and then ex started working with us too.

one of the ex roommates had also been friends with us since high school and was our ex's ex. i had known the other ex roommate since i was 7 or 8 and she was the assistant manager. they were homophobic to me the whole time i lived with them and started dating after i moved out)

(yes the drama went fucking crazy but i have literally always maintained the moral high ground).

ANYWAYS. i think i was in the best place mental health wise of all three of us at the time. insanely enough. with that incomplete list of hell going on in my life.

but i was the only one of the three of us who had strong social support outside of our group of three, & i was the one who realized that our individual struggles were making it hard to communicate at times & that it was hurting all of us.

so i was the one who realized that if all 3 of us wanted to stay in each other's lives, we needed to break up with ex.

which sucked! a lot! it really hurt ex, but being newer in the relationship than our established dynamic was also hurting him.

he and i both walked away from the breakup feeling like it was uniquely our fault because we wanted too much. it has been amazingly healing to have maintained our connection & been able to process our breakup like. with each other. bc we both went into future polyamory w approximately the same baggage LMAO.

we moved in with each other a little less than a year after our breakup & lived together for almost 4 years! and we'd been living out of each other's pockets for the two before that—art & ex lived w their families like a five minute walk apart and i spent most of my time living out of my subaru btween the two of their homes.

so like. i don't regret it. i will spend the rest if my life loving both my husband and our ex so much it goes beyond words, no matter what form our relationships take. we would probably still be together if our relationship had started under literally any better of surrounding circumstances.

after our breakup i spent some time as a lesbian and that overlapped with ex's gender veering into man so attraction stopped there? though who knows what the future holds.

idk! i would rather my husband adopt a dog with ex and be the cool step parent that never actually takes on a parental role for the dog. i wish we were neighbors/lived near each other rather than states apart bc in a dream world ex and i would have keys to each other's homes and would just get to hang out doing our own thing in one another's room at least 3 days a week.

there's no one size fits all for poly relationships & there's definitely Other friends i want to/do blur the lines btween romantic and platonic with at this point in time.

no other triads currently happening in my life though and idk if it will happen again?

no sorries! & i'm nor sure how helpful this ramble will have been but i appreciate the chance to talk about my experiences bc it's not something that comes up a lot but it means a lot to me and has been such a significant part of my life.

if the proposition was on the table before for you, and it's something you do know you'd be down for & that you're prepared to communicate a lot about, is it for sure off the table now? if it's something that might still be possible for you and it's something you can talk about w the people in question then have that conversation!

worst case scenario, it's an awkward conversation where yall realize you have different expectations and wants out of a triad and that that means it's not something that's going to happen.

best case scenario, you get to have some fun and sexy new experiences?

i'd say it's worth it to try! & if jealousy and insecurity are a concern for you, they might be for the other two in some way, too. i think talking about whether it might come up for you guys and how to proceed if it does as an up front thing would peobably be a smart idea?

for real though! if it's something you want amd that the other two people were down for in the past, i hope it can be an option again in the now too. good luck anon and thank you for listening to me run my mouth.

[divine-elixir]

I wasn't planning on posting this, at all. But this has been eating me for the past few years and I at least want to break my silence and feel a little heard. And hopefully it doesn't look like I'm looking for attention.

Content warning for suicide mention somewhere in there.

I won't go into detail about everything. Mostly because some involved were/are ordained or are a part of a particular religion and I am not interested in potentially attracting unwanted attention. So, anything concerning them has been omitted for their privacy and my best interest and saftey.

For starters, let's just call the individual I was once acquainted with Kathy. Now I remember the day when I was first introduced to Kathy in a discord server sometime around 2017 or 2018. I don't fully remember the exact time frame, but I was quite taken by them. Though a part of me felt that there wasn't something right about them and that I should avoid them...

but I just brushed it off as imagination. They were quite friendly and very open about being not human so what was there for me to worry about? (They never referred to themselves as otherkin, and from what I remember they didn't really care for the community.)

At the time I wasn't very open about being nonhuman myself, so I admired that kind of openness. I actually wanted to be their friend because of this, so I didn't think twice when joining their personal server. Even if I was quiet in there for a long while since they had close friends which they talked to the most. Oddly enough in a few months time those friends of theirs just disappeared from the server one day. Long story short there was drama going on in the background which I wasn't privy to at that moment, and rather quickly I was sort of made one of Kathy's new buddies.

It happened to fast? Maybe it had to do with me also being nonhuman, but it was still odd.

I couldn't say there were any good times for me to remember in that server. Most of my memories of my time being there was just misery and wanting to leave. But I felt like I had nowhere else to go, since I got permanently suspended on twitter around that time. So I was isolated from actual friends and any kind of support for the most part. (I didn't do anything wrong, just joked around with a friend and twitter didn't like that.)

Along with being open about being nonhuman, Kathy was also very outspoken about their spiritual experiences, memories, and astral experiences. Which are all fine by themselves, but they were....pushy about it? I don't know how to describe it. I felt like I wasn't allowed to have an identity outside their personal narrative? The same could be said about others in the server who were nonhuman or adjacent to having/knowing past lives of some sort. Kathy would insist that some of us just had to be certain individuals they knew in their own nonhuman past life and everybody just seemed to roll with it. Which was just concerning. Even their own spouse they claimed such things about too, despite their spouse having no memory of such things.

Despite all of this, Kathy never claimed anything about me. There was no room for me in their narrative, except for the fact that kitsune were liars and cheats. I identified as a kitsune at the time, and I honestly believed them. I couldn't be anything more than that, and Kathy's kind weren't capable of telling lies so it was impossible for Kathy to lie. I feel stupid for believing them, and a part of me still feels afraid to not believe them.

I remember saying that lying was okay in certain situations once and they did not like that. It made me feel wrong and like I wasn't in their good graces....or I was at least losing merit in the group.

If I couldn't play the part Kathy needed me to play then what good was I? And the sad thing is, I don't think they realized how manipulative and full of themselves they were. The server was all about them, and I thought that was okay. There was one occasion when an acquaintance from outside the server questioned me about them, and I found myself trying to justify whatever Kathy chose to do with their own server. I don't even know what possessed me to do so, I just felt I had to...like a part of me was afraid to think any other way.

Kathy liked to say things about their past friends in their server. Such things usually had to do with what sorts of punishments awaited them after death for betraying them, because Kathy was a psychopomp and obviously they knew the whole truth of things. The only truth, and anything outside of that was wrong. The things they said scared me, I was afraid of being bad in their eyes. And to make things worse one of their friends was prone to feeling suicidal, and to "help" with that Kathy would state that suicide victims would be forced to relive their suicides for eternity in the afterlife. The guy didn't see anything wrong with using this "fact" to deter themselves from attempting, and nobody said anything against it like....huh??????

There was just so much nonsense going on in the server. It's hard to even write about it all.

From being mocked by someone everytime I opened my mouth, even when I was expressing my personal worries and nobody stuck up for me. To being told I wasn't actually asexual because I didn't act enough like it in Kathy's opinion. (Of course, I'm not ace now but it was still out of line to determine what somebody else is.)

The worst part was being pulled into Kathy's whole astral war nonsense. I already have a fear of being watched, and Kathy's claims and insistence that anyone associated with her would definitely be prone to being haunted by tengu and demons did absolute damage to me. I already wasn't in a good mental state at the time, and this claim made me paranoid to the point that I was seeing things that weren't there. I could barely sleep at night and was afraid to step out my door.

Actually, that wasn't the worst part. The worse incident was Kathy insisting that this one person in the server was some kind of youkai and then kicking this individual and treating them like the worst thing on earth for having boundaries. Those rightful boundaries being that these claims were messing with their mental health. I couldn't make this up.

Actually everyone who crossed Kathy in some way was demonized, and nobody still in the "friend circle" was allowed to associate with said individuals. We had to unfollow them, because forbid Kathy checked your following list on another website and saw you broke one of their laws.

At some point, I just muted the server and went quiet for several months. I actually felt happy for once. Relieved in fact. I even managed to get back on twitter, thankfully but I felt so awkward around my actual friends. I felt changed in some way, dirty.

I actually think I felt like I couldn't do anything without Kathy? So, if I was on twitter again then I definitely had to be mutuals with them and a few others from the server there too. The worst move I could have ever made, honestly.

Skipping forward to the absolute abysmal part of this all.

One day I was DM'd by someone I was somewhat familiar with in the server I first met Kathy in. Let's call this person Tom. Now, Tom had things out for Kathy. They were in the works of making the nastiest callout post, and I'm sure if I did some digging I could still find it on tumblr. Tom found out, and I wouldn't doubt if they already knew, I was in Kathy's server. They wanted my input and any information I had on Kathy, and I wasn't comfortable with that. Especially not for contributing to a callout post.

Now Kathy was poor and Tom wanted to hurt any chance Kathy had at being able to support themself which was horrid in my eyes. They even claimed Kathy was a race faker, which actually isn't true. I did everything I could to defend Kathy, despite how angry I was at whatever cultish waterboarding I've been put through. Even today, I still think I would defend them when it comes to this. Besides blackmailing people, Kathy did actually do that and I can not defend that.

This next part I still feel very bad about and I wish I had kept my mouth shut. But with enough coaxing I spilled everything I knew to Tom. Not out of hatred but I just felt angry about everything I went through and a part of me wanted it to just all go away.

With whatever Tom was able to pick apart from my words, they asked me if I was okay with them posting the call out, like....why would they need my permission if they were going to post it anyway? They also said they were okay with me telling Kathy who made the post a few days later when they found out Kathy was panicking about it and laying the blame on the wrong person. Turns out Tom had a spy in Kathy's server for a long while now and I was so scared about that fact.

I wanted to tell Kathy about this and explain the whole situation so everybody in the group would stop cannibalizing somebody who did nothing wrong....yet, if I did that would Tom's spy say something to Tom? In all honesty I froze up and didn't say or do anything for days out of fear and I was to afraid to even talk to Kathy. And I mean I was shaking.

In the end, Kathy decided that their past friend definitely made this callout post and that somebody in the group was leaking information.

It came down to me and this one other guy who was actually still friends with this past friend of Kathy's. This guy really blocked his friend just to prove it wasn't him and I basically ended up getting excommunicated by process of elimination. I also got unfollowed, blocked, and unfriended by everybody in the server on other platforms. Including on the Nintendo switch, like......😬.

Unfortunely, it doesn't end there. Tom ended up inviting me to their server of self proclaimed "actually normal people". I was to afraid to refuse....and it also wasn't great there. Tom thought people identifying as nonhuman was nonsense, despite I and one other person identifying as such. This other person also happened to be the one who was falsely accused of writing the callout post. They were also a kitsune so I'm not surprised knowing Kathy's bias.

Tom was not great to be around, at least to me. Always trying to make some post tearing down others, not for good reasons but to stroke their own ego. I hated it in that server too. I still wasn't allowed my own identity out of appeasing another, I was afraid to express any true part of me. I wanted it to fall apart and go away, just like I wanted my "friendship" with Kathy to crumble. And so it did, not long after that wish the server was willfully deleted.

Now, I wasn't really able to express everything that happended or I experienced in full detail. Mostly because my memory is fuzzy or because I feel unable to articulate it all well enough. Though I wasn't trying to write literature just my feelings.

For the longest time after these series of incidents it was common for me to dream about Kathy wanting me back only for their group to beat me senseless for even doing whatever they believe I did. I believed for several months Kathy and their group were stalking or cursing me despite the lack of evidence, but it was all so real to me. I used to wet the bed, and my mental state was so bad this body would begin to hurt. It hurt so bad I couldn't describe it. The fact I was going through this during 2020 didn't help either.

These things don't happen anymore, I'm a little bit better but a part of me still imagines that if I had said something. I could have stayed with Kathy and I would have been good in their eyes. Like I owed them everything, or like....they would love me again. They made me feel special, especially when they let me into their inner circle and called me their special friend. I think it's normal for people with trauma to think this way. Right? I know logically that I shouldn't ever want to go back, and I enjoy not feeling like some kind of prisoner surrounded by people who made me miserable. Although, something in me feels like it's trying to convince me that everything I feel, remember, and wrote is just a lie. That I'm a liar, a cheat, good for nothing and will never be anything more than that.

I don't know. I feel stupid. I had a hard time adjusting and allowing myself to make friends afterward. And despite enjoying being able to finally have a space to talk about who I really am on this blog. A place just for me where I don't have to be whatever somebody else says I am, I still fear that I'm doing things wrong.

It isn't nice to think that all of you hate me, or want me to shut up. It isn't nice to assume those things of others, and I want to believe and know you are all kind and want me to keep talking about whatever I wish to say. Or whatever I feel.

Trying, like actually really trying to participate in the alterhuman and otherkin community is taking a lot of effort on my part. Being seen and heard scares me, but it also feels nice. Being with others makes me want to go back into hiding, but what I want more than anything is to be surrounded by others. I never liked feeling alone, so maybe I shouldn't isolate myself.

[robinsnest2111]

What got you into motley crue?

oh that's a fun and long and convoluted story, actually!

back in 2017, I got really into glam metal by buying a Twisted Sister album (Best of the Atlantic Years) on sale. Then, when Fall Out Boy released their album Mania in 2018, one of the verses in the song "Young and Menace" mentioning Nikki Sixx intrigued me and kinda stuck with me for a while. This one:

"And I've lived so much life, lived so much life

I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice

Kill me twice like my name was Nikki Sixx"

That didn't quite lead me to Mötley Crüe just yet tho!

First, I got more into retro synthwave songs (imo a natural progression from my appreciation of vaporwave and futurefunk and my slowly developing obsession with everything 80s that had been brewing for a couple years at that point), a classmate got me more into hardrock and metal, which reignited my love for Iron Maiden on the side, I then discovered darker/heavier synthwave, which led me to the DANCE WITH THE DEAD remix of Master of Puppets

which then led me to their remix of Kickstart My Heart (my very first brush with a Mötley Crüe song <3)

But that wasn't it either, not there yet by a long shot!

Then it took another 2-ish years and my budding Metalocalypse obsession inbetween for me to stumble upon a Mötley Crüe x Male Reader comfort fanfic (yes, sometimes I just look for nice x reader comfort stories for my mental health, don't question it) that really got me into the band! It was "No Chicken or Soup" by NewBikeWithThePlateReadThe666 on AO3!

At first I couldn't really visualise all 4 of them, had a hard time telling Nikki, Tommy and Mick apart. Then I told myself I need to gather more knowledge about them, clued into the fact I already kinda knew one of their songs through the remix I mentioned above, started my insane photo collection, listened to more of their songs, bought the only available album at my local electronics store, and the rest is history 😂👌

[dameronswife]

sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.

and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?

and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.

eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?

[sunriseverse]

Since you asked for questions...

7, 13, 17, 19, 21, 33, 39

thanks so much for the ask!!!

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

i love putting the images in my mind into words, and i love being able to construct a cogent narrative from what starts as only scraps of those images. i love my writing style, love the way it sounds and the way it paints pictures so vividly. i'm by no means the best writer in the world, but i like the way i write. also, hearing peoples' reactions to my writing! i love when people engage with me and tell me what part of something particularly hit them.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

hardest would probably be involuntary institutionalisation/psychiatric mistreatment/abuse. i've never written anything in this vein (to my memory, at least), and while i think i have a lot of interesting concepts in that vein, i..............don't think i'd probably ever be able to properly manage to write it. as for easiest..................basically everything else? if you're just talking about subject matter, i think i'm fairly skilled and can pull off most things. the easiest would probably be various types of mental health issues, internalised dehumanisation, and intense longing and pining, which is a little bit of a funny combination on its face.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

okay i will not make you sit through my ramble about sunrise because it is literally thousands of words long, so i'll just link my sunrise crash course post. that said, a short thing i can say is the zhang sect's formative history is steeped in the tragedy of familial infighting and murder, and the later generations, especially after zhang ruitong's period as zhang qiling, really hold up the murder as a good, righteous action, when the murderer was devastated and horrified by what she had done and essentially became a recluse and a shadow of herself because of it, and zhang ruitong is maybe, possibly, heretically killed by a snake that's a reincarnated version of the murdered brother in question.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

oh, this is a long one. so, i've been writing for..............a bit more than half my life, now. i started out writing fanfic by hand as a kid, and then migrated first to ffnet , where i spent a good few years mostly lurking until i finally got an email and was able to post my own writing (i did briefly use lj and quotev before ffnet, but i never had an account on them). i wrote a lot of warriors fanfic, since that's what i was mainly into, as well as a good deal of guardians of ga'hoole and inheritance cycle fanfic by hand (none of this was ever digitised and is probably lost to the ages). after this, in 2017, i finally made the shift to ao3, after having heard about it for years but never making the transition, because an author i read a lot of talked about migrating over there, and began posting my own writing. by that point, i'd been writing for a good portion of my life, and my writing skills weren't too shabby, so some of the stuff from that period is still intelligible, even if it's bad. then in 2018 i began taking prompts for a fandom i'd just gotten into, pacific rim, and i was a serial promptfic writer between 2018-2021, which is where i credit my rapid improvement of skill to—i was writing sometimes two or three prompts per month, and generally the reaction was positive. however, a combination of events almost led me to stop writing entirely in 2021—people had started calling me a big name fan, which made me incredibly uncomfortable, because i felt like i was being put up on a pedestal and people were treating me as an idol rather than just...............you know, another fan. i also had a falling out with another big name fan in the fandom over a "joke" they made. i actually never talked about this publicly, because i genuinely don't think it was like................something worth dragging into public, especially since as a so-called bnf myself, i was aware that if i were to talk about it, people would be very polarised about it. after i blocked this person, they went and left a massive ao3 comment on one of my fics, which freaked me out pretty badly, and for about a year afterwards i had really bad shutdowns and paranoia surrounding that event and fanfic generally that made writing really hard for me, because i found it really hard to extricate my writing from the harmful ways i was practising and thinking about my writing. but after a series of url changes, making new friends, and finally getting medicated for the plethora of mental health issues i apparently had had most of my life (shocking, who could have guessed), i was able to finally begin seeing writing as something for me and something i did for enjoyment. moving into cdramas and cnovels as my main types of fandom also helped a lot, because it took off the pressure i felt to write a certain way, since a lot of the english fandoms for them are much smaller, and i've purposely tried to ensure that i never wind up in another situation where i'm being called a bnf again. also, my writing now is probably the best it's ever been, and that makes me really happy and helps stave off any issues i might have with falling into a bad mental state again.

21. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

uh. not very. i have a notes app folder with jotted down fanfic ideas i'll sometimes go through, but most of the time i just start writing in a google doc with some stupid title, and i rarely use outlines—mostly my "planning" process consists of either 1. rambling to my friends to help solidify my ideas and copypasting that conversation into the docs for reference, or 2. a singular rambling line detailing the points i want to hit in the fic. once it's finished, i toss it into ao3 and call it a day. i'm an adult who's also been in university and college for years and i have a lot of things to do, and fanfic is something that i do for fun, so i don't really bother to be too meticulous about it—unless you count sunrise, which is just generally an outlier in my life overall.

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

yes! i draw and (very occasionally) make amvs. usually though my art isn't tied to any of my writing, and my amvs are separate too. i would love to illustrate my writing, but my art is..........not that good. mostly i just use my art for character design/redesign these days.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

spite, mostly. my life and other people have taken a lot of things from me, and writing is the one thing i've stubbornly held onto since i was a child. it's in my marrow by this point; i wouldn't be myself if i didn't write. also, there's something so satisfying about drawing together a concept over thousands of words—and i love trying to figure out how a concept would work while still keeping characters, well, in character.

[veliseraptor]

2022 Writing Stats

it's time for Fun With Numbers: Lise's Hobbies Edition, 2022!

So I keep a daily word count writing tracker so I can monitor my own writing pace/patterns, and sometimes it's fun to see what comes out of it at the end of a year. This data does not include writing I do on this blog answering asks/writing meta/etc.; it only includes any fiction I write (original or otherwise) and more serious/structured essay works. For the most part this tracker is meant to serve as a descriptive, not a prescriptive, tool - I use it to record rather than to set goals.

And now: the charts.

To start with, the basic graph of my daily word count in 2022:

This one looks pretty similar to graphs for previous years, though it did trend a little lower than historically. However, the big outlier there in October is the highest single-day word count I've had since 2019, apparently. I wrote 5.2k on October 24th, which (looking back), wasn't even a travel day, just a random Monday, so I have no idea what was happening there. My best guess was that I was hit with a whale of an inspiration boost for some reason, but I have no recollection of what it was about.

A quick look at data distribution shows that there were 56 days in 2022 with a word count of 0 (i.e. 56 days where I wrote literally nothing; actually fewer than I expected, and fewer than in 2021 when there were 67 zero word days). Altogether I wrote 388,095 words in 2022, an increase over 2021's historic annual word count low of 386,721. (I am making fun of myself here.) My average word count per day in 2022 was 1,063 words, which is roughly on par with last year's (more on comparative daily averages later).

Looking more broadly at the patterns month over month:

Obviously something happened in July and October where I lost my mind somehow, but I don't really know how to explain that. Neither beat out September 2021 as one of my most insane writing months on record (over 60k) or even approaching my all time high in November 2017 (63k), but still. They were probably the main factors in pulling the ultimate monthly average to just above 32,442 words, given the lows in June, November, and December. June was particularly dismal this year; it's the lowest word count in a month since I started tracking this in August 2016.

June was rough, you guys.

Now to compare 2022's final total word count to previous years overall...

While continuing to track lower than earlier data (2017 and 2018 in particular), the trend for 2022 held close to 2021 and within a reasonable range of 2019 and 2020. 2020's boost likely came from the several weeks of unemployment there in the middle, tbqh, so I think I'm looking at what's probably an approximate of my "typical" output in a year at this point in my life (hovering around the 370-420k mark). The overall yearly average for these past six years is 454,899 words in a year; for the past three it's 409,647 words. All told, between 2017-2022 I recorded having written 2,729,334 words.

To look at seasonality I graphed out the month-by-month word count total, graphed by year (this one's probably hard to read):

But I failed to note any significant deviation based on any particular month year over year. Total word count per month hovers around a median of 38,726 words per month.

Breaking it down more particularly to average daily word count per year, to see how my average pace day to day changed (or didn't) from year to year:

As seen with the overall totals for the year, the daily average roughly lines up, with 2019, 2021, and 2022 forming a cohort of similar range after the apparent outliers of 2017 and 2018. (It does make me curious what data would look like, had I been gathering it, for earlier years, particularly when I was in college.)

Finally, for a completely unreadable chart that shows the daily word count graphed for every year, including a line for the average across all years:

gorgeous. absolutely illegible, I love it. But it does arguably illustrate what I started this project to prove, which is the remarkably consistent up-and-down nature of my writing pace. Peaks and lows, at a slightly varying pace and with different levels for how high or how often those peaks show up, but it does tend to come back around.

You can see this more clearly when I cut the graph down to just show the line that averages out all six years:

Now if only I could internalize that better and stop panicking about how I've lost the ability to write every time I spend a few days feeling sticky and slow. It's a goal, anyway.

That's all I've got. Thank you and I'm sorry I'm like this.