#sometimes i think like yeah yeah im pretty ok
Text
The literal 5 days of my whole summer that i was actually looking forward to and i might not even be able to go like. I am god’s sexiest soldier but where do you draw the line
#theres also always something in my brain#like i will not have a moment of peace on this earth and thats fine like i accepted that#but sometimes theres just too many things and literalyy fuck me#i try ok i try to have hopes for some kind of future or like focus on the moment or ehatever#sometimes i think like yeah yeah im pretty ok#and then the littlest thing happens that would not upset literally anyone else but me and then i realize im probably not ok and never will#ed is also coming back i feel so everythings really great<3
0 notes
Text
yeah ok we've heard of butch fem ghost which is awesome showstopping amazing but if i may add onto that: the entire tf141 being butches. soap with the same mohawk stunting around in military surplus activewear to attract femmes (or other butches. she's not picky). gaz who– unlike her friends– presents herself as more of a bifauxnen with clean pressed shirts and a nice smile. price who's the hardest butch out of all of them; never shaving, foregoing bras, referring to herself with brazen terms popular in the older queer scene (all the while having the voice of a chainsmoker, so deep it can initially be mistaken for a man's tone) (maybe she even packs?)
just. ugh. butches…
and imagine if you were passed between all of them? spitroasted by their straps? omg
#all of them have carabiners. sometimes soap wishes hers would get caught on a femme's stockings or something#personally i think fem soap's name would be something like jennet. feminine scottish form of john#fem gaz's would be something basic like kylie but she goes by kyle anyways bc its pretty much unisex#fem price's would be johanna. strong old lady name lol#anyways i wouldnt be hyperfem for the regular tf141 but butch fem tf141? yeah ok ill be your housewife or sugar baby or whatever#we are in a dire need of more butch content in this fandom tbhhhh i know its specific but like cmon#yall see the vision too right????#or maybe im just insane#anyways im mostly screaming into the void for myself but if you agree 👍#i would like to add that i am not a writing blog im just an old man yelling at a cloud.#tf 141#tf 141 x reader#john soap mactavish#john price#kyle gaz garrick
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
when sapkowski is all “i don’t believe in absolute evil” like he didn’t write like vilgefortz and leo bonhart and birkart grellenort likeeee okkkk but those guys were preeeetty evil though
#likeeee it kind of seems to me that… they got pretty close. to absolute evil. you know#like uhhh… nilfgaardian invasion detailed in baptism of fire anyone#though ok ok his point was that there is no absolute evil as in being motivated by evil itself#that evil always has its own motivations and those motivations can be evil but it’s not evil for the sake of being evil#HOWEVER that being said i feel like bonhart really was just evil for the sake of being evil#you could say for the sake of sadism or for greed (him being the anti-geralt lol and actually being a stereotyped idea of witcher ngl)#buuuut i feel like sadism and greed are just niche evils themselves#with vilgefortz and the wallcreeper and also emhyr (didnt mention his ass at first but throw him in too) they’re more just power hungry#and wanting revenge on those that wronged them (interesting because isn’t this also what our protags want—minus the power)#anyways reviewing these interviews again has me 😂😳😌 but also 🤨#sometimes i feel like (with this discussion on evil) the economics background really shines through LMAO#like well sometimes i feel like there really is evil that is evil evil. sometimes people are just hateful and targeting with their hate#and you know this yourself bc you wrote it wtf#like you’re not gonna call the human peasants who slaughtered the dwarves and elves in rivia evil? i would call that absolute evil#maybe not their entire lives but in that instance true evil manifested#i feel like the definition of evil im getting at is hate and bloodthirst#which yeah sometimes that exists for no reason whatsoever#i mean it can be based out of economic ‘reasoning’ (manipulated into propaganda) to scapegoat a population and target of hate#but it quickly excels past any reason whatsoever. yeahh i dont think evil always has a motivation outside of evil. disagree#the elbow-high diaries#also there’s more context here i’m leaving out bc its just too much to talk about in the tags of this post
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
jo the second he finds out masato's a little zesty
#not rgg#but if we try it can be#things kiryu would say if rgg allowed slurs#gona start a collection i got that kiryu You're Transgender? pic an now this#snap chats#i just needed an excuse to talk about this episode because HELP ME i didnt think this would be a theme in my fishermen jdrama#quick aside but its related the end theme for this show has literally no right to be so good oh my god.....#i'm gonna start episode 7 of First Penguin tomorrow probably since im gonna hang with my bro the rest of the night#but this episode (ep 6) is giving me a stroke#so for context. or just a lil background. tsutsumi's character in this is an old fisherman named hiro#and he's the most wish-washy bastard i ever seen in my life sometimes i want to strangle him#it's really funny though because he'll be so aggressive towards one thing but then the next after a lil convincing he's just Yeah Ok#funniest shit. anyways. Context Time#like ten minutes before this scene in the same episode he finds out his son's gay#WHICH. HAD ME IN A CHOKEHOLD CAUSE I DIDNT THINK THAT WOULD BE A THING#but anyway As Expected he has a fit over it because My Son This Is A Fisher Village Everyone Gonna Bully Your Ass#but then he talks with the female lead Iwasaki My Queen for like. five minutes and is pretty much over it a day later#and THEN THIS happens Another day later and. im sorry it had me laughing i dont know why#LIKE AGAIN IT'S BECAUSE HE'S SO WISHY WASHY BUT ALSO HE JUST STRAIGHT SOCKS A GUY#cause mate was saying slurs and all. his anti-homophobia arc we love to see it dude said Im No Longer Homophobic#ok bye we have pink pineapple and i wanna eat the pink fruit
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol#but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int#account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this#weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away#bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a#really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her#shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you#basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine#its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares#to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in#years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it?#mrow.org
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
every day i think about when i asked my student what music she was listening to and she was like "im kind of an oldhead 😝 im listening to usher" and i felt myself age 1000 years
#shut up m#it was very funny to me but i think about it sometimes and im like. oh yeah i guess usher is old to teenagers now. huh#she had pretty good taste in music but every time i let her dj for the class she would play I should have cheated by keyshia cole#and i like that song. but its so much longer than you remember it being#after like months of it when we got to the end of the song where it just repeats a different student just snapped and was like#OK OK I GET IT YOU SHOULD HAVE CHEATED and then tried to grab her computer to turn it off lmaoooooooo
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)
#heed my warning boy#it seems i am not well today#recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation#something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well#its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day#i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully#but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is#and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him#my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me#so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks#but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it#and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao#so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that#and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves#ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO#anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF#i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY#ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
its 'i know it doesnt matter and im used to it at this point but im actually a little sad that im kinda ugly' hours
#its ok ill stop thinking about it in a moment but yeah. thats what happens when i see pictures of myself next to my friends#they're all so hot and beautiful this is like. kinda unfair ngl lol#and like. i realise they dont mean those as actually backhanded compliments. but it sure does feel that way#most of the time i do try to embrace it and ive mostly made piece with the fact that im not here to be pretty but to be weird and funny#peace ffs*#but sometimes you'd just want to see a candid photo someone took of you when you weren't looking#and not feel the need to immediately turn it into a joke because the only alternative available is to confront that the fact that you are.#indeed. Fucking Ugly lol#like idk. i genuinely dont mind that when im with my friends at home. but here all the girls at this fucking uni#are so OBSESSED with their looks#and i was kinda mean to one yesterday. still in a haha-jokey way but goddammit i hate how good it felt#cause like girl. dont think i dont know what you're doing when we're taking selfies. and its okay.#i can be The Ugly Friend That's Only There To Make You Even Prettier. i can be that. but i want you to KNOW that I KNOW.#you're not fooling me darling <3 and i honestly find it even more insulting that you'd think you could lol#babygirl ive been doing *this* my whole life. believe me i know how to stop that fucking behaviour. you're not being as subtle as you think#*spot lol#peace and love but i really would be SUCH a different person if i were pretty its not even funny. so maybe it's for the better huh
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Airi playing an important role in the story but also the fact that she's the only proof of oda kazuha and saito tooru's existance on earth is wow
#look okay so like it's not confirmed how many times the other magicians can reincarnate but they CAN reincarnate more than once and CAN be#reincarnated to a different world. makia and thor are the prrof of that– not only that but airi being connected to both of them possessing#memories of kazuha and tooru's existance in airi's world....#so airi's presence in maydare is the only proof of kazuha and toru existing in another world other than makia and thor themselves#because look thor STILL don't know about his past life as tooru but makia and airi knows#airi is what reminds kazuha of the other world other than her own memories makia is the only person who can remind airi of her previous wor#because airi had been shown being homesick in a certain way (the cuisine/food) and makia's the ONLY person she knows that have memories of#their life as japanese high school students. makia is the only person that reminds airi of her previous life- they're each other's proof of#their previous life's existance im gettung insane#but the thing is both of them are moving forward from their past but like there are remains of fondness of things they liked and that's ok!#it's like moving forward but still acknowledging their roots acknowledging what they were before acknowledging how far they've grown#cries i know im repeating myself and maybe not making sense but istg i didn't mean to shove thor away 💀💀💀💀#im so sorry i know he's like. he appeared in the early chapters and i *did* like him but deadass would not care about him#it's only because of makia that i care about him im sorry the other characters captured my heart.. was it because he's out for a long while#but i like that type of shit when the ml is gone for some time and then they reunite... and the fact that other characters are out of scene#sometimes too so like? maybe im too biased sobbing what the hell#the savior's guardians are like. i don't really care abt them esp the two knights (leonhart or something and thor)#prince gilbert is annoying yeah but i don't hate him and my impression of his character improved reading through lady alicia arc#so yeah gilbert is annoying and pretty okay to me now but at least he's not a character i can easily forget lol#i think i need to REALLY reread mtm because i really could not bring myself to like thor higher than 'hes okay ig'#sylhea talks maydare
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
went on a run with my jojo interpretations this weekend hee hoo
#purp doot#my characters#mallory varjoranta#iisakki varjoranta#im pretty settled on the names so i think i'll tag them yea#the influences are very present but i think that's ok for now#i just. couldn't let go of the buns i love drawing them sm...#but yeah uh deets?#mallory sounds a bit like mallard so she got that as a nickname. she's also called duck sometimes i think#american mom i have yet to finalize much for but i have a general idea for her#unsure if mallard grew up in the states or finland but i think she's living in finland with iisakki atm#she's also Very prone to accidents and small cuts and stuff#iisakki has big old man vibes even tho he's like. middle aged still lol#he's a surprisingly good cook! tho he prefers to cook like. very traditional dishes#lots of potatoes and dill and fish. meatballs and all that good jazz#not sure what the source of his bigger scars are but i'll figure it out later when i get to story beats and shit#prolly all i have atm? all i can think of anyway#saltwater#<- i'll make that the tag for whatever this setting is#(yes i used it on ao3 for a jojo fic series yes i still plan on writing it)
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
2022/ my sona
#orbs art#doodles#hevent used ibis in awhile because its painful to hold my hand above my screen#but its ok for little doodles o ertop traditional stuff#i think i posted the sketch of this b4#her colors arent strict. just general salmon-blue/green stuff#my head still hurts but i took some ibuprofen to help with it. hope it helps soon#is this eyestrain? im bad at telling bc my own eyestrain is rather inconsistent#the colors arent super bright or contrasting but i think the pink might be a bit bright so ill tag just in case#eyestrain#the pink was supposed to be more red. oh well#yeah actually the longer i look at this. the blue is pretty bright too#anywa. i love my little kitty bug thing. i think id like to draw her with a snail shell instead of wings sometime#maybe i could do both at the same time? that might be cute#maybe ill give her some angel wings and a halo sometime too. i love her. she is my sona but like. she feels a bit separate from myself#i might do a bit nicer on my computer. idk if i will though. i wanna draw her more to relax
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
doubles in my rebkogs tagging their sourcemates HI HELLO WE SHOULD TALK
#strrambles#im funky ok. im funky#wheres that meme thats like they dont know im xxx#sometimes i think like what would i do if i met a double would they think im cringe. i think im pretty cringe#my sourcemate thinks im pretty cringe.#ok yeah objectively im pretty cringe
0 notes
Note
me and my sister went to the mall today and we ran into hot topic so fucking fast it was unbelievable. me and my sister are literal opposites when it comes to fashion. she picked pink, pastel shit like she was trying to be all uwu kawaii meanwhile im just standing here with my arms full of emo and goth shit, i legit felt like daigo and masato with all this emo drip i had walked out with. (p.s. they should put yakuza stuff in hot topic if they havent already because i have yet to have any yakuza related things in my room </3 also hot topic is like the only store i will shop at)
im so sorry to say these words to you but reading this reminded me of my immortal
#snap chats#I ALSO HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK THOUGH CAUSE I LITERALLY JUST GOT BACK FROM HOT TOPIC AND SPENCERSLKEAKVJA#rubbing off my fucking eyeliner as we speak im no better than a goffick and im sure the stuff you got was actually real fire and im jealous#i actually wore my hakuho pin out today- i pinned it on my back jean jacket. not to flex on you or anything 🥴#i remember the day my college friend said something about me being goth and i looked like a dumbass saying 'im not goth...'#when all i ever did was wear black. and tbf i toned it down a LOT while i was at school. i wanted to be normal-passing 😭😭#that aside i only went in to get jewelry and a new belt chain. also a kirby keychain and nail polish#but like it was that Blackheart brand so you know i just wanted it for the skull container and the name. also i was running out#my hot topic really doesnt have any clothes- or at least clothes i fuck with like its mostly skirts and puffy-sleeved shirts#and yeah those are epic and awesome but they're not my style yk. love it on other people just not on me#i usually get my clothes from like. express or skate shops. very different fashions as you can see LMAOOO#like today i got this really pretty crane shirt and then like. i got a black-and-white striped long sleeve with a skeleton hand patch LMAO#UGH im pissed i didnt get the red and black variant too but i didnt think bout it til i already left#i want to get new boots- the ones i have now are great and i love them but i want something chunkier#my 'goth' fashion is really lowkey honestly like i hardly consider myself goth cause of it- its very casual ig#ignore the fuck-you amount of rings i wear ok. theyre pretty..... also they have certain meanings sometimes#like i wear an owl ring cause it reminds me of my sis since she loved owls growing up and went to a uni with an owl mascot#i wear a dragon ring sometimes cause dragons remind me of my dad. for whatever reason.#idk its cause he tried to convince me i was born year of the dragon when i wasnt ?? idk funny guy lmao#and then i already said i wore snake stuff and crosses cause I Hate My Mom. also i was born a snake#also my dads a christian so :] i will wear two cross rings and a cross necklace tyvm love you pops i wish you were around more#uhhh did i want to say anything else. idk im just dumping about my emo bullshit thanks for reading ☠️☠️#if this wasnt my yakuza blog id actually just show the haul i got today BUT i will spare you lot from my emo bullshit#ok ill kill the tags here now im SILLY
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Cooking chicken drumsticks at 10 pm. Thriving. In my lane. This is what life is all about.
#i turn 22. in 6 days. this is what im doing with my life rn#yk at least i made it this far honestly.#im doing fairly well tbh. like mentally rn. ok wait real talk i feel like maybe i can like actually get a grasp on life now and thats cool#some days are hard but like. overall im balling. my new job gave me a raise within the first week of being there so. pretty cool#i used to be like really scared moving back home but. i dont feel like a failure. thats cool. and i get to see my friends the besties#i have to stop tiktok brainrotting tho i spend a lot of time tiktoking. need to be. productive...#i wanna start like a project. i miss the experience of disappearing for a week and coming back with some intricate creation#im thinking either i try to sew a plushie of some sort again or i try to use the air dry clay i bought and make figures maybe???#but figures will be harder bc id probably do ocs and my ocs are. very much designed for 2d i think lmao#oagh maybe i could make moss. well no lets be real its gonna be the furries. but i hate them </3#idk ill figure it out. point is i am doing better. or trying to at least. doing my best.#yeah idk. being alive is. a very interesting thing to deal with sometimes.
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
caarlgriimes
Don't tell me goodbye
windownet
Window Net
coolgirljpg2
the sequel to women
caarlgriimes
Don't tell me goodbye
