#sometimes he tries his best to be accepted but keeps getting rejected

[whirling-fangs]

WHAT TYPE OF VILLAIN ARE YOU?

Then Let Me Be Evil

You never wanted to hurt anyone, but the world never gave you a choice. You did the best you could with what you had, but every innocent mistake you made was held against you when it counted, every crossroads led you down the wrong path no matter which way you went. No matter what you did, the odds were stacked against you. It wasn't fair, and you are sick and tired of being told what a monster you are for things out of your control. Well, fine. They want a monster? YOU'LL GIVE THEM A MONSTER!

Tagged by: @goresugars @slayingblades @withinstarrynightskies (thank you all ♥ sorry this is a billion years late)

[haetrack]

your fate, my karma

jung jaehyun x fem!reader

wc: 11.7k

synopsis: jaehyun realizes he’s in love with you. it’s fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesn’t want to ruin what he has with you. but he can’t help it, it’s like he was made to see and touch you. he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold in his secret.

warnings: angst, little fluff, friends with benefits, pining, one sided love, confession, argument, smut (MDNI), desperate jaehyun, unprotected sex (pulling out), possessiveness and jealousy, dialogue heavy at some parts

heavily inspired by somethin’ stupid - frank sinatra

part three to the how it all goes series!

you're laid back onto his bed, heavy breaths fanned across your face. on top of you is jaehyun, cheeks dusted with pink as his fingers are still move inside of you. “stop already,” you huff out a laugh, “i might die if you make me cum one more time.”

he chuckles at your words and slowly pulls his fingers out of you, sucking obscenely on them just to annoy you. it works, and you cover your eyes to get the image out of your head. you don’t offer to help him out, and he doesn’t ask for any favors.

he’s not really sure how his friendship with you got to this point. if he could put it simply, you told him that you had feelings for him, asking if he felt the same way. he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he wasn’t ready to be so vulnerable in front of another person. he still wanted to be friends with you. 

he remembers seeing sadness flash through your eyes, but you just smiled at him and accepted the answer that you got. in a way, jaehyun wished he could like you back, he hated the way he hurt you, but he just wasn’t ready. you were wary around him, trying to hide the hurt that he caused you. he couldn’t bear to see it, and hated how much you were hiding from him.

which is how he finds you next to him, curled up in his bed after he’s made you cum. he knows it probably wasn’t the best idea to propose, but he didn’t know how else he could keep you close. when he explains it to himself in his head, it sounds shitty, makes him feel a little fucked up. he tries to justify it, but really, all of this is a temporary fix to keep you close to him.

despite all the grey areas in his friendship with you, he’s certain about one thing: he really does like having you around. he’s chalked it up to his feelings just being from how long he’s known you, but he knows that there’s something else he doesn’t want to admit. because one, it’s fucked. two, he’s rejected you. three, he can’t like you.

he can’t like like you. he doesn’t even want to imagine thinking about the other word, but it plays at the back of his head sometimes. he hears it when you’re both out at a bar together, watching you drunkenly cling to his side. he hears it when you’re at his apartment after work. he hears it when your eyes look up at his when you drop to your knees.

he can hear it even now as you lay next to him, curled up into his side as your breaths even out. it doesn’t feel weird that he can feel your naked body against his, his best friend comfortably laid up next to him. is it so wrong of him to want this? you became more comfortable around him again after he had sex with you. he knows it’s just a temporary solution.

he can feel your breaths across his chest, your face nuzzling closer to him. he could move you away, could create a clearer boundary between the two of you. he feels a little selfish when he lets you stay there, deciding to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he pushes you closer. it’s not fair to either of you, he’s not your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be this close to you. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the sound of cars driving down the road and the occasional huff you let out in your sleep. he isn’t tired at all, too lost in his thoughts as he stares up at the ceiling, the warmth of your body taking up all his thoughts. if he could, he would go back in time and stop you from confessing. he would’ve done it himself in the future, he just needed a little more time.

he can’t blame you though. it’s his fault for rejecting you, it’s his fault for thinking that he could make something happen out of this. there’s a small part of his heart that believes that you could like him again. you wouldn’t come back to him for sex every night, right? but the more realistic part of him knows that it could mean anything.

which is why he can’t stop you coming to him when you’re needy. it’s not even just those times, but he doesn’t think he could ever willingly cut you off. he likes spending time with you, and above everything else, you’re his friend.

he just can’t help but wish it could be a little more than that.

you always ask jaehyun to come over if he has the time.

as you both have grown older, it feels like you both have lost more and more time. when you were both college students, it was easy to skip a few classes and go to parties each night. but now as adults, it’s hard to find time for each other. which is why you ask him to go do mundane tasks with you, like buying groceries or trying on clothes.

today it’s going over to eat with him.

before he rejected you, it felt special to be invited to do these kinds of things with him. out of all the people he could’ve asked, he chose you. it didn’t take long for you to realize that, no, jaehyun asking you to spend time with him meant nothing but him being friendly. it’s weird looking back at how much you wanted jaehyun to like you more than a friend. 

as you make your way to his apartment, you realize how much time you spent just wishing for something to happen between you two. you wonder if it was something that was ever supposed to happen between you, or maybe if the timing just wasn’t right. you used to find yourself thinking about the what ifs after he had freshly rejected you. but now, you try to focus on what you have.

he’s just your friend, and you’re close to accepting that it’ll probably never be more than that. 

when you make it to his apartment, you don’t see him right away. you call out his name, hearing his voice from his kitchen. when you head over, you’re expecting a nice meal laid out for the two of you to eat. instead, you’re greeted by jaehyun standing by the stove, a stupid smile on his face as he greets you.

“so, you invite me over to come and eat.”

he nods, smile growing wider, “yes.”

“but i’m not seeing any food.”

“that’s because you’re gonna help me.”

you stare at him. he starts moving towards you, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. he starts dragging you towards where he was standing. you start whining, “you don’t need my help. you’re a whole grown man who can cook whatever he wants.”

he laughs, “but i need you to be my other chef… what are they called?”

you roll your eyes, “a sous chef?”

“exactly,” he points at you, as if you just solidified his argument, “what if i forget something and i need your help?”

you pat his shoulder, “then you call me while i sit over on the couch.”

he’s about to give up, but he swears there’s a certain look in your eyes that ask him to keep going. that’s how it always feels with you, a certain push-and-pull that you both can’t let go of. your fingers twitch against his shoulder, almost giving you away. he moves to hold your hand, “how about you at least watch me on the side. i just wanna talk to you.”

you almost want to point out his pouty tone, want to laugh at how there’s a frown on his face. but you can’t. he looks a little too sincere, and you don’t want to think too hard about the feelings he doesn’t have for you. you sigh, eventually giving into his words. it’s always like this, jaehyun acting like he can’t go on without you. that’s what got you here in the first place.

he smiles when you approach him, so close that his arm is touching yours. it doesn’t matter how long or how many times he’s had sex with you, to have you close to him like this makes his heart soar. 

it’s like this for the whole time you both cook. your hands lightly grazing his, the sweet smile you show him when he does good, the laugh you let out when he messes up. you take over some parts for him without him asking you to. he can’t help let his mind wander, thinking this is how it would be all the time if you two were dating.

he wouldn’t have to beg you to do something with him, you would do it on your own accord. he wouldn’t have to hold back how much he wants to kiss you, he could press as many kisses on your cheeks or lips. he could stand behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you forcibly kick him off of cooking duty.

instead, he’s standing in front of the food he’s making, probably overcooking it as you point and laugh at him. you even take out your phone to take a picture of him, laughing as you fiddle with your phone. he swats at you, grumbling, “if you posted that on instagram, i am definitely blocking you.”

“you know me so well. i tagged you and everything.”

he chooses not to respond, taking out plates from his cabinet for the both of you. he can see you standing next to him, waiting to plate your food. he quickly decides to plate it for you, trying to hide his pink cheeks as he pushes the plate towards you. when he’s plating his own, you speak up, “wow, what a gentleman!” he can hear the teasing tone you use, “you’re really setting the bar for all men, aren’t you, jaehyun?”

he decides to tease you back, “just trying to show you how much nicer i am than you are. you should post this on instagram, too.”

“nope, letting all my followers know how mean and horrible of a cook you are. i’m ruining your chances of getting with someone.”

he shakes his head in amusement, moving to one of the seats on his small dining table. you follow, sitting right across from him. he messes with his phone a bit before you can hear that it’s connected to his speakers. an unfamiliar tune starts playing as you watch jaehyun’s head bob along to the song. 

this is how it always is, eating together, listening to his annoyingly good music taste, and enjoying each other’s presence. the food he cooked is surprisingly good, but you try to denounce it because you did help him along the way. it’s quiet between the two of you, nothing really too important to talk about.

jaehyun notices your fingers tapping along the table to the beat of the song. he smiles, “do you like it? the song?”

you pretend to think about it, “hm... well, it’s good.”

“you’re not gonna secretly shazam it under the table like last time?”

“that was literally a one time thing,” you huff, “i’ll just go and find someone with the exact same music taste as you.”

he smiles to himself, “you know there’s no one else like me.”

you think about his words for a bit. he probably didn’t mean for them to have a double meaning, but you can’t help but find one. you wonder if you’ll ever be able to find someone who could’ve made you as happy as jaehyun does. you wonder if you do ever find someone, if you’d be able to forget jaehyun.

you feel like you’ve become so intertwined in his life that everything might lead back to him.

you eventually nod along to his words, “yeah, there’s no one else like you.”

“you’re kinda an ass for not picking her up yourself.”

jaehyun huffs at johnny’s words. it’s not that he didn’t want to, but you had assured him that you would make it on time. when he brought up your safety, you said that it was taken care of already. jaehyun couldn’t help but wonder who or what could possibly be more safe than him, but he didn’t want to argue. 

but now that you’re a little late, he can’t stop himself from worrying. johnny makes it worse, tearing into him, teasing him with every word. jaehyun hasn’t told him about his surfacing feelings for you, but johnny is notoriously nosy, probably knowing the exact day jaehyun thought that he started liking you. 

johnny takes one more jab at him, “she would’ve liked you more if you’d been the one who brought her.”

jaehyun’s shoulder bumps into johnny’s, “she already does like me a lot, so there’s no need for all of that.”

johnny shrugs, letting out an if you say so as he sips on his drink. as much as jaehyun wants to deny it, he really wishes he could’ve at least given you a ride. he would’ve immediately ditched johnny if you asked, would’ve been right outside your doorstep as soon as you said you were ready. he wants to tell himself that that’s just what friends do, but there’s something he doesn’t want to admit.

his hands move to pull out his phone, scrolling through your messages from the past hours. he knows he’s made a mistake as soon as he feels johnny’s eyes looking at his screen from over his shoulder. jaehyun makes a jokingly shocked face at johnny to try to distract him, but johnny’s face mirrors his own. 

johnny’s about to say something with a teasing smile on his face and jaehyun’s ready to stop him. instead, a ding comes from his phone, calling their attention. it’s a text from you, letting jaehyun know that you’re outside. he sends a text to you, his eyes moving to the entrance as he waits for you to walk in.

and there you are.

your eyes scan the room, looking for both him and johnny. jaehyun can feel his cheeks heat up at the sight of you, your face illuminated by the warm lights of the bar. he thinks you look pretty all the time, but now that he’s seeing you like this, he wants to keep it in his memory forever.

you quickly spot them, your face brightening up with a smile as you make your way towards them. you greet the two of them, johnny easily bringing you into a hug. when you turn to jaehyun, you expect the same, but his eyes stay on you for a moment too long. he notices your teasing smile, quickly clearing his throat before wrapping his arms around you.

johnny starts, “always so fashionably late.”

you laugh, “if i don’t come, who else is gonna be the funniest and sexiest person in our friend group?”

johnny moves to tuck an invisible strand of hair behind his ear, “i was holding that position just fine before you came.”

you slap his shoulder, a fit of laughter taking over you. jaehyun watches the two of you, quietly laughing at the side. he likes the dynamic the three of you have, always mentally thanking johnny for introducing you to him. he’d endure all of johnny’s teasing for years if it meant to have you laughing at his side.

it stays like this for a while. the three of you drinking together, laughing when johnny tries dragging you closer to the middle of the room to dance. jaehyun can feel his cheeks get hotter, pink from the alcohol and the not-so-visible adoration he holds for you. he tries to quiet his feelings, but when you lean into his side, your warm body pressing against his, he figures he can give up the act a little.

it’s at times like these where jaehyun realizes that he can see the you from before the rejection. it’s a bit selfish for him crave this side of you, the one where you don’t care how much you touch him or how you continue talking into his ear all night. he thinks that if you were both dating, he could lean over and press a kiss to your cheek, watching as you nuzzle into his side.

for now, all he can do is wrap his arm around yours as you both sway side to side. johnny went off to get another drink, promising to be back quickly. jaehyun has this little time to have you all to himself, listening to the loud chattering around him and the bass of the music loud in his ears. your eyes are closed, humming along to the song.

jaehyun could easily whisper into your ear about his feelings. you probably wouldn’t remember either way, but he knows it’s not right. it’s not like he’d want to do it this way, wanting to tell you honestly. but there’s a growing part inside his brain that’s begging him to do something about it. he has you so close now, so why can’t just say that he likes you?

the thoughts dissipate when johnny comes back, smile on his face with three more drinks in hand. johnny quickly notices how your arm is intertwined with jaehyun’s, and jaehyun can physically see the moment johnny comes up with a plan. jaehyun doesn’t bother moving from his spot, though, willing to sacrifice his humility just to have you by his side.

as if jaehyun wasn’t having thoughts of kissing or dating you, the conversation turns back to normal. the three of you chatting, exchanging work gossip and taking drinks from your cups. it’s like every night this happens, it’s a regular routine of talking and him having to fight back his more than friendly thoughts of his friend. 

except this time, while johnny’s explaining how he thinks his boss might be having an affair, you cut him off. johnny jokingly scoffs, turning to where you’re looking at. you both squeal, johnny’s hands finding your shoulders, shaking them back and forth. you gasp, “that’s him, right?”

johnny matches your tone, “totally him! i could recognize him from anywhere!”

raising an eyebrow in your direction, jaehyun asks, “and who exactly are we talking about?”

you turn back at him, “that’s jungwoo, someone we knew from college!”

the name sounds familiar to jaehyun. there’s probably been a few times you talked about him during one semester. he’s not sure which one it could be, but there’s a memory of a faint smile on your face while talking about him. it sets a weird feeling in jaehyun’s stomach, and he realizes you look a little too excited at the sight of jungwoo.

jaehyun’s arm is still looped around yours, a small frown on his face, “does everyone and their moms know jungwoo now?”

“he was funny in class and he bought me coffee once,” johnny hums.

you join in, “he is definitely funny and he did good when we worked on a project together.”

jaehyun pointedly glares at johnny when he speaks, but when you speak, he just holds you closer to him. he can see how johnny watches him, being reminded of how he looked like he was planning something earlier. jaehyun sees it now, johnny’s face darkening before he speaks, turning to speak to you, “i think you should go talk to him.”

jaehyun sends a pointed glare at him before looking at you, his eyes widening when he sees the shy smile on your face. you ask, “what if he doesn’t even recognize me?”

“why wouldn’t he? he always looked at you a certain way when you guys talked, he definitely remembers you.”

jaehyun wonders why no one told him more about this “jungwoo” and his apparent more-than-friendly feelings for you? if johnny knows, then does that mean the three of you hung out before without him? how much has jaehyun missed between you and jungwoo? jaehyun silently takes another sip of his drink, his eyes peering over his cup as he watches you get lost in your thoughts.

he thinks you might drop the conversation, but you breath out, “i’ll do it. i’ll go talk to him.”

jaehyun tries his best not to acknowledge the growing jealousy he can feel bubbling up in his throat. he has to bite back a remark that would probably make things worse for himself. he decides to let go of your arm, watching as you easily separate from him. johnny starts hyping you up, giving you encouraging words as jaehyun massages your shoulders.

although jaehyun wishes he could say don’t go over there or i’ll die, he decides to send you a thumbs up before you walk away. his throat burns, and as much as he wants to think it’s from the alcohol, it’s from seeing you walk away from him. you’re walking to someone that isn’t him, sharing your warmth that’s supposed to be jaehyun’s.

he realizes then and there that he shouldn’t be thinking that.

you’re pressed against jaehyun’s bed, his face burying into your neck as he leaves kisses across your skin. you had to tell him to not leave any marks when you feel his teeth nip at your skin, and you could’ve sworn you heard a huff come out of him when you did. he’s practically pinning you down, body barely hovering over yours.

there are days where he gets like this, too desperate to where he doesn’t realize he grips you a little tighter, his voice growing deeper, relieving all of his stress by making you both feel good. you can tell when he gets like this, a quick text of an you up? letting you know what he wants. you’ve grown to learn all his habits.

it does feel a little different today, though. he was quick to greet you, quick to bring you to bed to kiss you. there were no words of how work was hard for him or if he was stressed about something that happened. not that there’s anything wrong with him not saying, but there’s a certain desperation in his movements as his lips trail down your body.

you decide not to ask about it, not wanting to pressure him into talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about. you’re quick to forget about it when he presses a kiss onto your clothed clit. he calls your name, bringing your attention to the heavy gaze he gives you. he murmurs out, “gonna let me see this pretty pussy?”

you nod quickly, lifting your hips up so he can take off your panties. he moves to lay between your thighs, humming when he sees how you’re dripping for him. it’s embarrassing, trying to close your legs. you’re met with his hands keeping them apart, chuckling at the whine you let out.

“didn’t know you could be this wet for me. if i didn’t know any better, i’d think that you need me.”

you let out a small whimper when he traces a finger down your slit, “jaehyun, please, need you to- need you to do something!”

“tell me what you need, pretty. if you don’t tell me, how am i supposed to help?”

“need you, jaehyun! want your fingers, want you to touch me!”

“of course, that’s all i needed to hear.”

you can feel one of his fingers slide into you, your head falling back onto his pillow at the feeling. you clench around his digit, already begging for more, needing him to fill you up. he doesn’t tease you for being so desperate, quickly giving into your pleas as another finger slips inside you. you let out a cry when you feel his thumb circle around your clit.

“such a messy baby, dripping all over my fingers. needed me so bad, right?”

moans of his name tumble out of your lips when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that spot that sends shocks down your spine. your hands are gripping onto the sheets, realizing just how fast you're about to cum. you’re sure he can feel you clench around his digits, especially when you manage to open your eyes and see him looking straight at you.

“gonna cum all over my fingers?”

“fuck, yes! please, wanna cum, need you to let me cum!”

his movements speed up at your words, “go ahead and show me how much you need it.”

you’re quick to fall apart, your orgasm crashing into you. your thighs shut around his hand that’s helping you ride out your orgasm. all you can hear are the sounds you make and the encouragement that jaehyun mumbles out to you. you’re too fucked out to realize that his clean hand intertwines with yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.

before you can comment on it, he’s quick to pull away from you, hands moving to undo his pants. you move to try to do it for him, but he swats your hands away with a laugh. after letting you gawk at him for a bit, he takes his boxers off, a whine leaving you at the sight of his leaking cock. he tilts his head at you, “are you gonna let me fill your pretty pussy up?”

“please,” you moan. your legs move to wrap around his waist, bringing his hips flush to yours. his cock ruts against your cunt, still sensitive from your last orgasm. he shushes you when you let out a small gasp, one of his hands soothing the skin of your thigh. you let out a small cry when his tips rubs against your clit, the last of your patience running out.

you can tell it’s getting to him, too. his cheeks and ears are flushed, his eyebrows furrowed as he switches between watching your face and where he’s pressed against you. he bites back a groan when his tip catches at your entrance, trying hard not to push into you right then and there. he puts all his focus on you, “tell me that you want me to fill you up. tell me that you need me to fuck you.”

you whine, your head digging into the pillow. despite his flushed face, there’s a cocky look on his face as he stares down at you. you’re too desperate to try to fight back, losing the battle as you let out a whimper of his name. there’s almost a surprised look in his eyes as he sees you give up this easily, leaning down to give you a quick kiss to your collarbone.

“i know, baby, need you just as bad. gonna fuck you like you need it, okay?”

you whisper out a thank you as he moves to line himself up at your entrance. he slowly slides in, letting out a deep groan as he watches himself sink into you. he fights off his eyes from closing at the feeling of your tight cunt clenching around his length. you’re no better, writhing around in the sheets, whimpers of his name escaping you.

once he bottoms out, he lets out a grunt, “missed this pussy so much. so fucking warm, so tight, all for me.” you’re quick to agree, hands trying to reach at his shoulders to bring him closer to you. he gives in easily, huffing at how he can feel himself deeper inside you at the new position. he kisses the valley of your breasts, sucking lightly.

he starts off slow, teasing you as he thrusts into you, slow and deep. if you can listen past your own moans and whimpers, you can hear the quiet curses and sounds he lets out, trying to hide how much you’re affecting him. when your nails claw at his back, he breaks, “didn’t even mean to call you this late, i just needed you so bad.”

his words get to you, the fact that he wanted to call you because he was needy makes you clench around him. he can’t help but pick up the pace of his thrusts at the feeling, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. you don’t know what has him so worked up, but if he’s going to make you feel this good, you might have to figure it out.

you need just a little more, your hand trailing down your body to get to your clit. you moan in relief when your fingers circle your clit, clenching tightly around jaehyun’s length. it has his hips stuttering slightly, eyes making their way to your hand. he’s quick to push your hand away to replace it with his own, thumb making tight circles around the nub. 

he move up to whisper into your ear, “only i can make you feel this good, right? i know you better than anyone else, even yourself.”

you shake your head at his words, but your hips roll up into his, trying to fit more of him inside you. he chuckles lowly at the sight, a small smile on his face as he watches you. he’s slamming into you now, any patience he had now gone as he nears the edge. he starts, “no? trust me, pretty. i know just how you like to be touched, how you liked to be fucked. i know you so well that i just know that you’re close to cumming.”

tears prick your eyes, because yes, you are close to cumming. you can’t help it, not when he’s fucking you like this. he’s not usually this talkative, choosing rather to focus on getting away from any stresses. but now, he’s letting you in on his thoughts, letting you know what could possibly be nagging at him. you’ll save it for another time.

you’re surrounded by all of him, chest touching his as his warm breath hits your neck. you used to wish for him to kiss you during moments like these, moments where you’re both so close, adrenaline too high. now, all you can do is whine out his name, begging for him to let you cum.

it’s easy for you to let go of any past emotions you had for him, but for jaehyun, he wishes he could kiss you. he wishes that you could want him again, wishes that he didn’t have to fuck you like this. this is what he wanted, though. he just didn’t think it would be this hard. he tries to ignore it by groaning into your ear, “gonna cum for me? gonna cum all over my cock?”

“y-yes, please! you make me feel so good!”

“yeah? show me then, pretty girl. show me how i’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”

at the sound of his voice, you cum. your chest arches up into his, nails digging into his back as you let go. he’s moaning at the feeling, his hips stuttering as he tries to fuck into your tight pussy. he has to bite down onto your shoulder at the feeling, holding back just how bad he wants to cum inside you.

when you start whining, he’s quick to pull out of your heat, quickly jerking himself off to the sight of how fucked out you look. with a moan of your name, his cum shoots out over your stomach, his cheeks a pretty pink as he does. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the deep breaths you both let out. he’s just staring down at you, saving the image of you covered in his cum in his mind. you don’t mind, too tired to notice the slight adoration in his eyes as he stares. it is embarrassing though, covering your face with your arm as you tell him to move.

he blinks away his thoughts, chuckling at your embarrassment. he pats your thigh, moving away as he goes to get a towel to clean you up. he’s being careful with you, his movements slow as the towel moves around your body. there’s a soft look in his eyes, a lazy smile on his face as he indirectly touches you. he’s quick to throw the towel into his laundry basket, even quicker to join you in bed. 

in a motion that almost seems too soft for the fact that he just fucked you into his sheets, he pulls your back into his chest. one of his hands makes it to your side, letting it sit there. his breaths are evening out, fanning across your shoulder that he nuzzles into. his touches are hesitant against your skin, almost as if he was debating on whether or not he could touch you like this.

you almost want to push his hand away or try to make some space between the two of you. friends should not be holding each other like this, friends should not be letting each other bask in the warmth of their bodies. friends shouldn’t even be having sex, not like this.

but you figure just this once, you’ll let yourself have this moment. it’s a bit selfish, getting to have jaehyun like this. you wished he’d hold you like this every single time. you think if he did, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from falling back in love with him. there’s no way for you to win when it comes to jaehyun.

as he presses a kiss and murmurs a goodnight into your shoulder, you make a promise to yourself: you won’t ever lose yourself over jaehyun again.

jaehyun realizes how little time he’s been spending with you recently.

he’s been hearing more about this jungwoo guy. you’ve told him can’t hang out, i’m with jungwoo right now or i’ll be hanging out with jungwoo later. you’ve been so busy catching up with jungwoo that jaehyun hasn’t had the time to talk to you. no more eating or shopping together, not when jungwoo’s around.

jaehyun doesn’t want to say he’s necessarily jealous of the relationship you two share, but can’t say it doesn’t sit right with him. jaehyun is still your friend after all, and he doesn’t like hearing you talk so much about him. during the small chances jaehyun gets to talk to you, you always slip in one mention about jungwoo.

what about jaehyun? what does jungwoo have that he doesn’t? he could totally treat and touch you better than jungwoo ever could. he practically does already. he can’t help but let these little thoughts enter his mind. if jungwoo’s in the way, how is jaehyun supposed to show you how much he likes you?

it’s one day that you’re both splayed across his couch, your legs resting over his as his thumb smoothes across the skin of your thigh when jungwoo is brought up again. out of the corner of his eye, he can see you smile and lightly laugh at your phone. jaehyun, being the nosy person that he is, can’t help but try to reach over to see what you’re laughing at.

you’re quick to push him away, chuckling at the sight of the small pout on his face. he tries again, and you decide it’s probably better just to sit beside him instead. you begrudgingly show him your phone, and he squints his eyes so he can read your screen better.

it’s quiet for a few moments before he hums at the texts between you and jungwoo. it’s a conversation funny enough to make you laugh. he tries not to roll his eyes at the cutesy way jungwoo texts, him being clearly interested in you. he doesn’t want to say anything about it though, doesn’t want you to know that jungwoo bothers him for reasons that he shouldn’t be thinking. 

“he’s funny,” jaehyun muses, trying to stop the snarky remark he wants to say.

“way funnier than you,” you tease, watching him deflate back to his side of the couch. 

“there’s been times where you’ve laughed at my jokes though, like laughed laughed.”

“i was either super drunk or bored out of my mind, so those don’t count.”

jaehyun rolls his eyes at you, deciding to ignore your words, choosing to believe that you think he’s the funniest man ever. he’s been finding himself having little competitions with jungwoo that only he’s a part of. jungwoo is funny? jaehyun is funnier. jungwoo is cute? jaehyun is cute, too, just give him a minute.

jaehyun tries to boil it down to the fact he’s always been competitive, but he knows it’s more than that. in his head, it doesn’t matter what jungwoo does better than jaehyun because right now, you're in his apartment, on his couch, deciding to spend meaningless time with him. 

“what have you both been doing? i haven’t seen you at all this week.” he hates how his voice sounds, a little too clingy for his liking, but he hopes you don’t hear it.

“nothing, really. we’ve just been going out to eat or hanging out when we have the time.”

jaehyun figures you both somehow have all the time in the world in order to be hanging out this much. he makes his voice whiny before speaking, “i miss you, please don’t leave me forever.”

you laugh at the sound of his voice, pulling your legs away from him. “you’re acting like me spending time with jungwoo is gonna kill you.”

“what’s killing me is the fact i don’t get to see you that much anymore,” he grumbles. 

he notices that you don’t respond right away, and when he goes to look at you, your eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a certain look in your eyes. did he say too much? before he can start panicking, you turn towards him, “don’t do that.”

“do what?”

“pretend like you miss me when we already spend a lot of time together. you literally called me up the other night.”

jaehyun lets out a breath, “sorry, but you’re still my friend. i do miss you, i’m jealous that jungwoo gets to see you that much.” although he says it jokingly, there’s definitely truth behind his words. it might not mean much to you, but the fact that jungwoo gets to see you in a way that only jaehyun feels like he deserves, it hurts him.

“i’m gonna tell jungwoo you’re being mean to him,” you huff.

“tell him then,” jaehyun slings an arm around your waist, “let him know that he needs to learn how to share.”

“first of all,” you slide his arm off of you, “don’t say it like that because you make it sound like i’m an object. two, i think you might need to learn how to share.”

he hums, “you were mine first.”

“i was never yours,” you grouch, “you made that clear when you rejected me.”

he can tell you’re joking, but he can feel his blood run cold at your words. it’s a reminder to him that the rejection is still clear in your mind, reminding him just how much he hurt you. it will always be a reminder of how he messed up what could've been a good relationship with you if he just had more time.

he can’t blame you for his own mistake. he can’t.

in the best way he can, he puts his hands together and grovels, “please, can you find it in your kind soul to forgive me?”

you scoff, rightfully so, before grabbing your phone to take a picture of him. you’re quiet for a few moments more, jaehyun knowing that you’re about to post the picture on your instagram story for everyone to see, including jungwoo. he doesn’t want to stop you, equal parts of wanting to show off how you’re hanging out with him and a little bit of embarrassment. 

you set your phone down, placing your hands on top of his, “you can stop. now i kinda just feel bad for you. you do deserve it, though.”

jaehyun doesn’t move, staring at you with a certain look in his eyes. he can tell you right here, he thinks. he’s thought about what he’d say if he were to confess to you almost too much. he’s practiced his lines before, thinking up the perfect way he’d confess. it almost feels right to do it now, clearing his throat and-

your phone buzzes, pulling your attention away from him. he grimaces when you show him the notification. what seems to be jungwoo’s account liking your story, the story that has jaehyun begging for your apology posted on it. you sigh dreamily, “told you he’s funny.”

“not funny when it’s jungwoo.”

“jaehyun!”

you find yourself drinking at jaehyun’s place again.

it’s a slow night, both of you had stressful days. you choose to stay in jaehyun’s kitchen, laughing at unfunny words and pouring more wine for each other as the night rolls on. you didn’t mean to stay over so late, but jaehyun practically begged you to spend some time with him. you were quick to say yes under the guise that all he wanted to do was be with his friend.

before the night went too deep, you texted jungwoo saying that you probably won’t be able to call him tonight. he responds quick, a have fun! and i hope you sleep well :) flashing on your screen. you smile warmly at the messages, but quickly notice jaehyun also staring at them. you push at his shoulders, whining over how he’s invading your privacy.

his cheeks are rosy from the wine, a sly smile on his face as he asks, “how am i not supposed to look when i see you smiling like that.”

“you’re supposed to be a good friend and support me in my times of need!”

he puts his hands up in defense, that annoying smile still looking back at you, “thank you for being so vulnerable around me. and who’s to say i don’t support you in your times of need?”

you hear the double meaning in his words, swatting him away, “hey! you’re actually so gross.”

he just chuckles at your words, enjoying how easily you get embarrassed at his teasing. it’s been happening more often, and jaehyun can’t help but piece together that it might be because of jungwoo. jaehyun feels that you might be slipping away right in front of him, and he can’t really do anything to stop it.

you aren’t completely unaware of jaehyun trying to get you to hang out with him. he’s been sending more texts recently, nothing really important being said. you’re not sure how obvious you’re being with jungwoo, but you’re sure that jaehyun has at least an inkling on how you feel about him. which leads you to believe that jaehyun might be a little jealous.

it was never your intention to make him jealous. that night when you first saw jungwoo again was all unplanned. you never thought you would end up talking to him, never thought you’d like the way he treated you. he was so sweet to you, always trying to take care of your every need when prompted.

it’s bad to compare, but you realize that jaehyun’s only being so nice to you now is because jungwoo’s being nice to you. 

that’s not to say that jaehyun was never not nice to you, but you could tell that it’s a different kind of nice when it comes to him. the relationship you have with jaehyun now feels more like a bandaid to cover all of the bad things that have happened, no one bothering to address it. you don’t want to either way, no use in bringing up what shouldn’t be talked about.

even now, as you’re here with him in his kitchen, feeling the cold air from the open window drift in, there’s unspoken words between the two of you. you can hear the music playing from his speakers in the other room, the melody sticking in your head. it’s weird to think that you would’ve never gotten to see jaehyun like this if you didn’t stay with him.

it’s quiet for a few moments, apart from jaehyun humming along to the song that’s playing. it’s dark, his warm lights low as they cover the both of you. it’s nice like this, a little drunk and a little quiet; you don’t have to think about anything you don’t want to. you don’t think before you speak, “i do miss you, too, you know.” 

“yeah?”

“you’re still someone i appreciate, even after everything.”

he doesn’t respond, and you think he’s taking in your words. you’re not sure why you didn’t specify ‘friend’ but you know he knows better than to have his hopes up anymore. you see that the tips of his ears are pink, the lazy smile on his face showing that he’s a bit tipsy too. he’s not looking at you, you’re not really sure what he’s thinking-

“i think… i think i love you.”

“what?”

his eyes immediately snap to yours, widening as he realizes what slipped out of his mouth. slightly panicking, he stands up, trying to backtrack, “no, i- look-”

“what did you say?”

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it-”

“what does that even mean? you can’t just randomly say you love me and then take it back?”

he chooses not to answer right away, eyes darting all around as he tries to come up with an answer. he can fix this, he can help himself, it’s just… he doesn’t really want to. it’s almost selfish with how he feels a little relief with his confession. “since you’re asking,” he starts, “i… i like you. i’ve liked you for a while now.”

when he looks at you, the anger from before is still there. you’re biting down on your lip, hands balled at your sides as his words hit you. “jaehyun… do you know how wrong that is? since when? after you rejected me?”

“no, i- fine. yes, after i rejected you. i know it’s wrong and i know i shouldn’t but it clicked for me, even if it was a little late.”

“a little late? jaehyun, you’re telling me this after you know i’m talking to someone. you knew that there’d be a high chance that i wouldn’t feel the same. i know you’re not that dumb.”

“but that’s how you felt when you asked me out? even if there was a chance that i would say no to you, you still did it, right? that’s exactly how i feel, how bad would it be if i tried?”

a shocked laugh leaves you, “that isn’t fair! you’re not being fair! you’re not thinking about how i would feel knowing this!”

you think he knows that it’s not the same between you and him. you confessed because you genuinely thought you had a chance with him. jaehyun’s only confessing because you’re talking to jungwoo. 

“i should’ve never let this happen! fuck, i knew if i kept talking to you, something bad would happen.”

he scoffs, wanting to call out your bluff. “i never forced you to come over and talk. you weren’t forced to come over and have sex with me. you could’ve stopped this at any time, but you kept coming back to me.”

you let out an exasperated sound, “we were friends, jaehyun. friends hang out and talk, that’s literally all we were doing.”

he snaps, “friends don’t fuck. friends don’t hold each other after sex. you can’t say that you didn’t feel anything between us. that’s the whole reason i called you for sex the other day, i needed you."

you can hear how loud your heart is pounding in your chest. your head hurts already, the faint song playing in the other room only adding to the pain. there’s nothing more that you want to do than just go home. you wish you could’ve been more clear, you wished you would’ve drawn a clearer line between the two of you. now you’re stuck like this.

you sigh out, mumbling into the quiet air, “if i had known that you were gonna be like this, i would’ve made sure to end whatever we had as soon as possible.”

“if you never met jungwoo, then this probably never would’ve happened. i could’ve asked you out the normal way, but you kind of forced me into drunkenly confessing to you.”

you send a glare straight at him, “do not assume how i would feel in any situation. the fact that you didn’t even want to tell me that you liked me says everything i need to know.”

“how was i supposed to tell the girl i rejected that i like her now?”

“exactly! don’t you see how fucked up that is?”

he shrugs, closing himself off before you can start up again. you know how he gets, pretending that none of this really matters to him. it’s childish, and you know he knows it. you don’t know what else to do. if he can’t sort himself out, there’s no reason for you to be here anymore.

you’re quick to get up and out of the kitchen. he doesn’t look at you at first, but as soon as he hears you pack your stuff into your bag and your car keys in hands, he follows right after you. there’s a startled look on his face, you can tell that he didn’t think you would leave him. you watch as he raises a hand to stop you, but quickly puts it down after some thought.

you let out a breath, “i’m leaving. you can decide if you want to pull yourself together and grow up if you wanna talk. if not, don’t even bother texting me.”

he doesn’t try to argue, watching as you walk out his door. he can’t feel anything, doesn’t really want to do anything other than lay in bed. he walks over to his bedroom, the sound of a familiar slow song getting louder as he walks closer. he makes it inside, pausing the song before laying down onto his back. it’s quiet again.

he just ruined everything.

for the first time in a while, your life feels kinda normal.

there’s not a lot for you to worry about if you ignore a few things. work is fine, your friends are celebrating your freedom, and jungwoo comforts you in every way possible. you realize that jungwoo might’ve been everything you’ve been looking for in a person. he stays close when you need him and gives you space when you ask.

you tell jungwoo that you’re happy to have him right now. you tell him that you’re sorry for acting a little weird recently (he quickly denies your claim). you don’t tell him exactly what happened with jaehyun, but you can assume he at least knows a little. he doesn’t try to pry it out of you, choosing not to remind you of something you don’t want to think of.

and you’re not thinking about it. you haven’t gotten any texts from jaehyun, so why should you care?

as much as you don’t want to admit it, it does feel weird not having jaehyun in your life. you didn’t realize how much you thought about him or how much time was dedicated to being with him. it didn’t seem to matter at first because you thought it was because you both were friends, but you realize he was kind of stringing you along.

there’s a lot of time you have to yourself now. you don’t have to worry about jaehyun calling you randomly throughout the day or one of his spontaneous meetups. you don’t have to think about his you up? texts during the late hours of the night. you don’t have to think about any hurt he’s caused you in the past. none of it will mean anything anymore.

until you get a call from johnny.

“hey, johnny. what’s up?”

he skips right past your greeting, “why doesn’t jaehyun want to hang out with you?”

you’re shocked for multiple reasons. one, of course, johnny already knows your business. two, how dare jaehyun say he doesn’t want to hang out with you. you scoff, “what exactly did he say?”

“he said he was busy, but, like i know he’s not gonna be busy. and that obviously means that something is going on between you two.”

you want to scream into your phone’s microphone. jaehyun doesn’t deserve to set the boundary between you two. he was the one who messed it up in the first place, so why is he the one trying to put distance between you two? “johnny,” you start, “do you promise not to tell anyone about what i’m about to tell you? you can’t even tell jaehyun.”

he lets out a little shocked sound and you can imagine him sitting up straight. he whispers into the call, “what is it?”

“the other night, jaehyun told me he likes me. actually, in his own words, he said he thinks he loves me.”

he gasps loudly into the phone, “what? are you sure? like jaehyun said that? jaehyun?”

“exactly! it doesn’t even seem like something he’d do! he said it was because we were both drinking.”

“that doesn’t even matter,” johnny sighs, “you don’t go around saying that to your friend, especially not the friend you rejected before.”

“you get it! that’s literally what i told him! i need to sit down with you so we can discuss this.”

it’s quiet on the other side of the call, and by his silence, you can tell he’s planning something. it’s never good when he does, so you try to call out his name before he can think any more, but you’re too late.

“i think you should sit down with him to talk about what happened.”

you sarcastically laugh, “he hasn’t even texted me, there’s no way i’m talking to him first.”

“i didn’t say you should text him first, i’m just saying that you both should talk. you can’t just leave this off on bad terms.”

“and if i want to?”

“i know you don’t. plus, it feels like i’m a child whose parents are going through divorce, so you need to fix this.”

you whine into the phone, which causes johnny to laugh on the other end. he’s right, you don’t want this to end badly with jaehyun. even if you both decide to never talk again, you don’t want to have a strained relationship with him. after a few moments, you answer him, “fine, but don’t have your hopes up because even i don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“okay, perfect, because i already kinda convinced jaehyun to meet up with you.”

“johnny!”

he defends himself, “like i said, i’m basically seeing you guys go through a divorce. please bring my family back together.”

“whatever, do what you want to do.” johnny cheers from the other end of the call, quickly letting out an you won’t be disappointed! before he hangs up, not even letting you say goodbye. as much as you try to hide it, a part of you is happy at the thought of jaehyun wanting to work things out with you.

even if you don’t know what you want just yet, you’ll get yourself ready.

you realize you’re no longer happy when a few days later, jaehyun shows up to your front doorstep, a frown painted on his face.

you almost want to slam the door on him when he speaks. his voice is quiet, “why did you tell johnny you didn’t want to hang out with me?”

as soon as he stops talking, it all clicks in your head. johnny tricked you both. you’ll have to get mad at him later, but for right now, you have to deal with jaehyun who’s pretending he didn’t just ignore you for almost two weeks. you reluctantly let him in, watching as he walks in almost too normally.

no one bothers talking, no one trying to make the first move. you’re staring him down and he tries to ignore the hard stare you’re giving him. while you’re glaring at him, you can see how he looks more tired than usual. the faint lines under his eyes give it away, and when he does finally make eye contact with you, it’s soft, no anger behind his eyes.

you step back, breathing in before speaking, “let’s go talk in my room.”

he sends you a soft smile, not needing you to guide him to your room. he knows the whole layout by now, feeling more like he’s leading you to your own room. he opens the door for you, choosing to let you walk in first. it’s awkward when you have to motion for him to step in, watching him not really knowing what to do.

you move to sit on your bed, and he moves to sit at your desk. it’s not as awkward as it is tense. you don’t know what to say, you didn’t plan on him coming over. his eyes are darting across your room, his eyebrows furrowed as he presumably tries to start the conversation.

“how are you doing?”

you roll your eyes at the simple question, “i’ve been doing fine. i feel like my life’s been a lot calmer since that day.”

he leans forward in his seat, “really? i feel like i’ve lost ten years of my life.”

deserved, you think. you gather all your thoughts before speaking, “i think the days that i spent without thinking about you really changed how i feel. i realized just how much i was entangled in your life. it wasn’t good for me.”

he looks off to the side, taking in your words. you see the hurt that settles in his face, you see how it’s going to be burned into his memory. he smacks his lips, “i think for me it’s the opposite. i realized during this time without you really solidified my feelings. i can’t lie and say that my feelings have changed, because they haven’t.”

you feel anger bubbling up inside you, but you can’t do that today. you take a few breaths, calming yourself down as you focus on what you’re most curious about, “why did you start liking me?”

“i don’t even know. i know it’s shitty of me to realize how much you mean to me after i said no to your confession. i understand why you said no to me.”

“i’m sorry for getting mad so quickly. it was just so out of the blue, i never would’ve expected you to say that.”

you pat the spot on your bed next to you, calling his name softly. he slowly moves to your side, his eyes focused on his hands splayed across his knees. after all this time without you, he wishes he could hold your hand in his, even if he tried to play it off as a joke. it’s been too long without your touch. you took away the only thing that kept him close to you. 

“can i ask something?”

he nods, putting all of his focus on you. it feels intense when he does, you haven’t had him this close in a long time. you clear your throat, “this wasn’t all because of jungwoo, right?”

he sighs, his jaw clenching as he thinks of the right words to say. he’s deep in thought, and you almost want to tell him to drop it all together. he decides to speak up, “honestly? seeing you both together kind of made me realize my feelings. i was losing you to him, and i really couldn’t handle it. i’m not trying to ruin whatever you have going on with him, i promise.”

you don’t know what else to say. so much of this could've been prevented if you kept an eye out for yourself. you also wouldn’t want to go back and change what you’ve done. you don’t regret ever being jaehyun’s friend, you don’t regret all the memories you’ve made with him. 

“so, this… this is really over then?”

you shrug, “i would think so.”

it’s quiet for a few moments, the both of you letting the thought seep in. “this” has never been defined between the two of you, but you can assume it’s almost everything you do together. what you’re feeling now is close to how you felt when he first rejected you. what’s different now is that you can’t help but feel just a little relieved, ending something that probably should’ve never happened.

in another world, you think you would’ve reciprocated jaehyun’s feelings. it would’ve been easy, pieces easily falling into place as you both fall for each other. it’s almost as if it were supposed to be something that was natural. but jaehyun had given the time for you to move on, and you did. it was too late for him to realize his own feelings.

“we can still be friends if you can handle that.”

he laughs incredulously, “if i can handle that? i’m a grown man, thank you very much.”

“yeah? well i think if i were you, i wouldn’t be able to hold back my feelings,” you tease.

he grumbles, “too soon, you’re too mean.”

jaehyun watches a pretty smile adorn your face, and if it weren’t for the current circumstances, he would tell you how pretty you look. he keeps the thought to himself though, opting to ask, “how about one last drink together as friends who are a little more than friends?”

you hum, pretending to think about it. you watch worry wash over his face, and you do feel bad a little bit. “one more time, just for your sake. you look like you might start crying.”

he groans as you walk away to get some wine for the both of you. you’re by yourself for a few moments as you pour the drinks. you feel awkward in here by yourself, left with thoughts and memories of all the things you’ve done together. all the times you’ve had sex, all the times where he’s felt like your boyfriend, but none of it holds to him being your friend.

you don’t know if you can continue being friends with him. 

it would be unfair to jungwoo. you haven’t told him the exact dynamics of how your friendship with jaehyun worked, but you can assume he knows most of it. 

you return to the sight of jaehyun looking around your room. he’s been in here too many times to count, and yet seeing him here now, it’s weird. he feels out of place, he feels almost like a stranger in your own apartment. despite the history you have with him, it seemed to fall apart so easily as soon as conflict hit.

he thanks you quietly when you hand him the glass. you take a small sip of your drink, watching jaehyun do the same from the corner of your eye. after the drink, he chooses to speak, “so how are you and jungwoo?’

“that’s how you want to start our small talk?” you splutter out.

“i mean, can i not be interested in my friends' love life?”

well it’s hard when you were directly involved in it. you shrug, taking another small sip before speaking, “i’m… really happy that i’m talking to him. he takes care of me, he’s always asking how i’m doing. it’s nice being with him.”

you can tell jaehyun is trying not to let your words affect him, “are you both… officially dating yet?”

his words make you shy, your facing feeling hot at the idea of dating jungwoo. brushing off his words, you laugh, “no! not yet, at least. i think i’d say yes if he asked me out.”

he nods, his head hanging heavy, hand twirling the wine in his glass. you know what he’s thinking, you don’t need to ask him. you can’t be his, you won’t ever be his. you think that this was never supposed to work out, no matter how hard you tried or how much you think he could’ve loved you. he wasn’t meant for you.

“okay, one more thing.”

he nods, turning his attention back on you.

“did you really mean it back then, like, when you said that you weren’t ready for a relationship?”

“yes, i was scared. i think back then, even though i didn’t realize it, i also had feelings for you. but it was… it just wasn’t the right time for me. even though i liked spending so much time with you, there were things i wanted to figure out first.”

you cock your head to the side, “like?”

he hums in thought for a bit, trying to remember times from so long ago. thinking back, you remember how you felt old, you felt like you were already an adult. but he’s right, there were still things you didn’t know about yourself, and you wonder if dating jaehyun would’ve stopped you from figuring them out.

“i guess… mostly wanting to decide what i wanted to do with my life. now that i’ve somewhat settled, i feel more confident in what i want. even though it came at the worst time, i was so sure that i could see you in my future.”

the confession doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. you can relate to how he feels. for the longest time, you felt that you needed jaehyun in your life. it wasn’t until after he confessed to you that you saw that there’s more to your life than him. you’re thankful for all the time you’ve had with him, but there’s still so much more for you to do.

it’s like this for a few more hours, the sunset bleeding into the night time. you both have a few more drinks, jaehyun eventually turns on music playing on his phone. you feel a lot better now. you only want the best for jaehyun, and you think that this is the best for the both of you.

jaehyun has to leave at some point, one of the last buses back to his place coming soon. you don’t want him to go, you don’t want him to leave the comfort of your bedroom. there’s a small part of you that’s scared that you’ll never see him here again. you try to remind him that this is what you both need, clear, distinct boundaries.

you walk him to your door, “you’ll text me once you're at your apartment, right?”

he shuffles over, “yeah, i will. johnny will make sure i get there safe.”

you nod, opening the door for him. he walks out, watching you with an unsure look on his face. a part of you wants to let him in, wants to let him give you one last kiss. it’s wrong, your grip on your door getting tighter at the thought. he still has a strong pull on you, your hand wanting to reach for his.

it’s not meant to be.

“goodnight, jaehyun. i’ll see you soon, okay?”

“alright, goodnight. i… i’ll be here if you ever need me. i’ll wait.”

you smile, “i know. thank you, get back safe.”

he nods, waving you off before he walks away. you close the door, locking it behind you. it’s quiet now, no soft conversations, no laughing, just the sound of your feet pattering on the floor. 

you don’t really feel like crying. you don’t feel like there’s something missing inside you. jaehyun used to be a big part of you, but as time went on, he took up less and less space.

there’s more important things to worry about than someone who couldn’t make time for you. you have time to figure things out now, you have time to figure out what you really want, whether that’s jungwoo or someone else. 

you’ve never felt better. 

as jaehyun scrolls through instagram, he sees a post from you. it’s been a while since he’s seen you in person, so he’ll take anything he can get. the first few photos are of you, and the next few are pictures of things he assumes you found pretty. the last photo is what makes him pause, a photo of what he can only assume is jungwoo holding your hand.

he checks the comments, some of your friends replying with different emojis, all to tease you with. they all seem to know about your budding relationship with jungwoo. jaehyun’s glad that it’s going well for the both of you. it’s what you deserve after what he put you through.

he hung out with you and johnny the other day. as much as everyone tried to be normal, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he changed the dynamics of your friendship. you and johnny were the same, easily laughing and joking around with each other. it’s not exactly awkward when you and jaehyun talk, but the air around you is certainly different.

it’s what should’ve happened, at the start of it all you both should’ve set rules. jaehyun realizes that he would’ve never gotten to see you in the ways he did. warm lights from his kitchen painting over your skin, or when the light from the moon would shine over your body while he holds you close. he wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

you were all he had, and losing you is something he will always regret. he knows that you’re doing good now, not just with jungwoo. he doesn’t want to come in and ruin what you’ve built up. it doesn’t matter how much he wants to hold you in his arms or kiss you, you’re better off without him.

he just wishes he had more time.

a/n: hey people... what did we think of this ending... jaehyun is my friend i do not hate him i like him... anyways i hoped u like this... it took longer than i thought it would but im glad its out HOORAYYY

taglist: @froggyforyoongi @the-universe-in-you-jjh @ppeachyttae @omlhyck @hazyhae @haechology @jaehyunful @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @diorcities @hrts4doie @ohmytyong @ecvm5236 @faeryus @riri4andy @rjtulips @missesgirl @shiorebirth @sugaringgcaramel @camomillie @ninicornposts @il02isa @sincerelyneo @perfumejamal @justhgiwo @lovingyoulovinme2 @babyriannie @eunseoksimp @jeonreal @mawnehkah @shoetaroshoe (thank u all omg 🫂❤��)

[saeun]

ꪆ୧ ── HUSH-HUSH ┊ KEEP IT A SECRET ﹑ JJK ⤿ starring: g. satoru ◟ choso ◟ sukuna ◟ f. toji.

꒰ love simulation ﹢ headcanon-type · most to least likely to keep your relationship a secret!

𖧷 · love, ‘su: i have nothing to say here but I Need To have this here for layout purposes. it Bothers me if its not there.

most likely 𓂃 can hold themselves back. choso and somewhat toji.

( pda = public display affection. )

listen, CHOSO can keep a secret, but leave it up to him and he would've made it known you two were dating. he's only keeping it a secret because you said to. when it comes to you, everyone knows he never questions your words.

in terms of pda . . . he doesn't do it — actually, he does, but only you know the true meaning to his touch. it's a regular thing to have an arm wrapped around your friend's shoulder, standing close to them, blah blah blah. you get the point: he keeps it entirely friendly.

this doesn't mean he's not clinging onto you the moment your peers aren't around! once they're out of his view, choso will not waste time to satisfy the itch he's been feeling. either he buries his head in your shoulder, whining about not being able to touch you at least, or his hands are intertwined with yours.

in mr. TOJI FUSHIGURO's case, your words are law. he usually sits back and let you do as you please — obviously he'd go along with whatever scheme you planned. he doesn't mind keeping to himself at all; he's not one for much pda anyway.

there are times where he gets touchy, though. he tries to keep it at a minimum, but don't let him be near you during a dinner-out with friends or anything of the sort. if he's seated next to you, trust, his hand will find comfort sitting on your thigh, occasionally squeezing here and there.

sometimes — really rare times — his friends suspect him. they don't reach the “are you dating y/n?” conclusion, but do they reach the “you got a thing for y/n or what?” one. it's all due to the fact that he softens his language with you. he doesn't curse, tone lowers an octave, and has a slight smile. three things his friends will never experience. he doesn't deny it, but he also doesn't confirm; he simply shrugs at their questions and never satisfies their curiosity.

least likely 𓂃 sorry, he's a bit selfish. satoru and sukuna.

SATORU . . . yeah, no. there's no way he would've succeeded. that's like asking him to not breathe for a day. when you brought up the idea of keeping the relationship a secret, he tried talking you out of it. why are you denying publicizing his affection for you? you must hate him, or are you hiding the fact that you're taken? satoru's dramatic, and his favourite literary device is hyperbole. he will exaggerate.

at first he tries his best to keep it a secret, but old habits die hard. calling you names clearly reserved for someone's romantic partner, arm snaked around your waist all the time, glaring at anyone who tries to flirt, giving you quick kisses — yeah, no way.

but, satoru does apologize for failing to obey! if you're mad at him for outing the relationship, he'll spend days upon days begging for forgiveness in creative ways til you accept his apology.

SUKUNA does not give a fuck. he's lived long enough to not care about secrecy. it's cute that you want to keep it on the low, but he prefers letting it known. pair that with him disliking physical contact with anyone else and you've got yourself the perfect recipe for disaster.

whenever he's not with you and someone approaches him — no matter the reason — he's quick to ring up his favourite sentence: yeah no, i'm taken. either that, or he's holding his palm up to reject them. he does not wish to engage with strangers. even his own friends struggle to get him out.

when he's with you, however, he's clinging to you like a magnet. game night with friends/family? he's pulling you to lean on him, doesn't fetch drinks for anyone but you, gets revenge for you if you lost the game, demands that they “go easy on y/n.” the list goes on. it took everyone zero time to put the clues together and figure out sukuna and you are a thing. it's entirely out-of-character for him to be nice in the first place.

[mrsshabana]

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫 ✧ 𝐆𝐲𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ꔫ Content Gyutaro x female!reader, canon-ish, fluff ꔫ Note Happy New Year! This is a continuation of the Christmas fic I did. I'll link it below in case you didn't get the chance to read it. ଘ( ˊωˋ )ଓ

:･ﾟ✧ Part one

Ever since your secret admirer gave you that beautiful bracelet Christmas night, you've been communicating with him in secret. Leaving notes outside your doorstep every time you went to bed, and when you'd wake up you'd always find a crinkled-up piece of paper with sloppy handwriting in return.

Gyutaro knows he shouldn't be communicating with you. He knows better than that. But when he read the note that you left for him he just couldn't help it. No one has ever been so sweet to him before, even through writing. The way you went on complimenting him, telling him he's so sweet and kind and how blessed you feel to have someone like him around. It almost felt like a love letter, making Gyutaro's cheeks burn the whole time he read it.

He tries to keep his responses brief but he figured it wouldn't hurt to tell you his name, right? Now you know the name of your suiter. Gyutaro~

You like saying it to yourself. Sometimes calling out to him when you feel like you're being watched. Causing him to sink deep into the shadows, trying to calm down as he gets all flustered.

He's in too deep and he knows it. But is it bad that he doesn't really care?

In your last letter, you asked him to join you for New Year's Eve as you didn't have any plans and would like to spend the evening with him. After a double shift, you finally get home after sundown to read his response.

"Listen, you can't see me. How many times do I have to tell you before you understand? Even though I wish we could... we will never meet. Just accept it Y/N.

You don't need to be hanging around a guy like me anyway. It's for the best.

I hope you have a happy new year,

Love, Gyutaro"

The intent of his words was to push you away for your own safety. That much is clear to you so you don't take it too personally. But, does he take you for some kind of idiot?

"Ha, what are you so afraid of, Gyutaro?" you yell up into the air, knowing that he's around, "Are you afraid that I would reject you because you're a demon?"

As soon as that statement leaves your lips you hear a loud thud behind you. And before you can turn around a large hand is clasped against your mouth and pulling you back against a muscular chest.

"Quiet! How the hell did you know?" he whispers in an inhuman voice, confirming your suspicions. It's raspy and harsh, just like his handwriting.

"Mm mm mm!!" You hum behind his hand, unable to speak.

"Oh... sorry," he mumbles and takes his hand off your mouth. Though he still keeps you held tightly against his body so you can't see his appearance.

"You only write me at night! And no normal person would be able to stalk me like you do. You managed to uproot a whole Christmas tree and sneak it into my home without anyone noticing. Not to mention you said that we should never meet, so I just put the clues together," you can't help but snicker as you hear him huff in frustration.

"You're smarter than I thought you'd be..." he mumbles. Though he can't be surprised. He fell for you for many reasons, and your intelligence was one of them. He just didn't think you'd outsmart him so easily. Or maybe it's because he was careless and let his guard down.

"Gyutaro, I don't care that you're a demon-"

"I'm not just any demon! I'm..." he takes a deep breath to calm down, "I'm ugly. And before you say you like me anyway, I'm uglier than ugly. Worse than anything a mere human could ever imagine."

You don't know what to say. Simply just telling him you don't care about his appearance isn't enough, you know it won't satisfy him. He's been alive for who knows how many years, so he's probably heard it all.

You want to see his face, more than anything. But if it's something he isn't comfortable with then you won't force it on him.

"Fine. Blindfold me then."

"What?" he gasps, "You serious?"

"Yes, I'm completely serious. I want to spend the New Year with you so I'll do it blindfolded if that makes you feel more comfortable," you reach down to lay your hand atop his, conveying your sincerity.

"B-But you won't be able to see the fireworks if-"

"I don't care," you cut him off, "I want to be with you, that's all I care about."

A distorted laugh rumbles out of him, "You got a deal, human."

You're honestly surprised that he agreed. But you know he's serious when he wraps some type of fabric around your eyes. You don't know what it is, maybe some type of scarf or ribbon. But he tightly ties it around your head, then lifts you up into his arms.

"Where are we going?" you ask.

"To watch the fireworks. Er- I guess I'll watch them, you'll just listen to them," he chuckles, finding the situation you've put yourself in quite amusing.

You hear the sound of people walking around and talking within a crowd, but you feel the wind blowing through your hair as Gyutaro moves quickly. Surely he isn't running through the crowd of people? No, they don't sound close enough. He must be above them, carrying you onto the rooftops where the two of you won't be spotted.

You get confirmation when he gently sets you down, as you can feel the slates of the roof beneath you.

"A-Are we on top of a building?" you stutter, feeling slightly afraid especially since you can't see anything.

"Heh, wow you really are smart. I come up here every year to watch the fireworks," he smiles, looking up into the sky as it's filled with colorful lights, "Just relax. I won't let you fall off."

He hesitantly reaches over to take your hand, finding himself more confident without the threat of being seen. This actually feels really nice. For once, Gyutaro feels like he can be normal. Not defined by his unsightly face or grotesque body.

"You know what we usually do at midnight, right?" you whisper, looking up to where you think his face is.

"Uh... what?"

"Kiss," you blush and squeeze his hand.

"O-Oh! I see..." he mutters, gulping audibly.

Gyutaro looks down at one of the city clocks. The time is ticking fast and before he knows it it's already almost midnight.

"Shit, do I have to kiss her? Or maybe I wait for her to kiss me... but she can't see. So how is she supposed to know when it's midnight? Maybe I can just pretend it's not midnight yet..." he thinks to himself.

He wants to kiss you, he really does. Deep down at least. Though he knows he shouldn't. He should see you as nothing more than a meal, but you couldn't be further from that. You mean so much more to him than you know, especially now that he's sitting beside you with his hand intertwined with yours.

He wants to be with you. Wants to receive love for the first time in his life. He knows he isn't cut out for it but would it be so bad if he gave in? Just for tonight?

When the clock strikes midnight Gyutaro's body moves on its own. Chasing the one thing he's craved for his entire life, even though he doesn't deserve it. All of the terrible things he's done, all of the people he's hurt, killed, eaten.

But he just wants to be happy.

Your body jolts in surprise as you feel a pair of strong hands grab your face and pull you forward until your lips collide with Gyutaro's.

It took you by surprise, but you quickly relaxed into the kiss. Savoring the moment you've sought after ever since you found out about him.

Your touch feels so good. So addicting.

He knows there's no going back after this. There's no way in hell he'll be able to go on without having more of you. More of your affection, your attention, and the sweet words that come out of your mouth. He needs it all.

So he takes a leap of faith. Removing your blindfold, knowing that once this kiss ends you'll open your eyes and see his hideous face.

He holds you closer, squeezing his eyes tight and colliding his lips harder with yours. Doing whatever he can to lengthen the kiss and prolong you opening your eyes.

Maybe this was a mistake after all.

But you can't help but giggle into the kiss as he desperately tries to kiss you longer.

He's prolonged it as long as he can, and he finally opens his eyes.

Only to see that yours are already open. And... you're still kissing him.

[gatorbites-imagines]

um could I request Conner Kent with a male reader who is just like him. Reader is a clone of another hero made by Cadmus, but the reader is a year or two older. When Conner and their first meet is during his initial escape and him coming apart from the team, and them bonding over them being clones. What would their relationship be like.

Conner Kent x Plastic Man Clone Male Reader

Headcanons

Reader is a clone of Plastic Man, cuz I love him.

Heyo my Hatchlings, how has everyone been doing? I finally finished up my assignment and I’m finally back. Did you guys miss me?

As a clone of Plastic Man, you put a good amount of people on edge when you appeared. Seeing as Plastic Man is very much immortal and unbeatable in the long game, they feared if you were good or evil, as there wouldn’t really be any way to defeat you if you turned out to be bad.

Luckily for them, you turned out to be as good of a guy as a clone of Plastic Man could be. You weren’t completely black and white, and sure you stole sometimes, and had a habit out of causing problems for corrupt people in power, but who were they to blame you.

You lived with Patrick Obrian, since he’s the closest thing you have to a family, and he never even had the thought of rejecting you because of your clone status. If anybody knows what its like to be judged and struggling to exist, its him.

Patrick plays an active supportive role in your life, and he teaches you how to use your powers. You end up being very skilled at the shapeshifting part of your shared powers. Sure, you still stretched, grew or shrank in size, anything Plastic Man could do, but you enjoyed shapeshifting the most. You even got a hang on switching colors, something Patrick struggled with.

When Young Justice was cooked up, you were one of the first they placed on the team. Mainly because of how powerful you were, and since part of them wanted to keep an eye on you, just in case.

You never took anything too seriously, it just came with the territory of being a clone of Plastic Man. Live life and all that. You did get into some arguments with different members of the team when it comes to morals, but that’s to be expected of a team.

When the team finds and rescues Conner, you immediately feel a level of kinship with him. Your clone status isn’t known outside of the league, so the knowledge Conner was born with doesn’t let him know you are a clone too.

As everyone tries to figure out what to do with Conner, you just settle down beside him, your stretched limbs dragging closer to you until they’re the normal length, where you offer him a snack or something to drink.

“Youd think they’d be better at dealing with clones, huh?” you joke, chewing on your own snack as he just looks at you, still confused and on edge about everything.

At his questioning glance, you lift your goggles and wink at him, pointing a thumb at yourself as you almost proudly declare yourself a clone of the best member of the justice league, if you were to be asked anyways.

As the league tries to figure it all out, you sit with Conner and just talk his ear off, never letting him wallow to far and making it harder for him to overhear the negative things said about him. Only Patrick knew, but the League fearing that you’d turn evil still weighed on you, and you didn’t want Conner to deal with the same thing.

Its only after you’ve made him smile and laugh that you accept that you’ve done your duty. When its time to leave you give him a way to contact you, and give him another cheesy wink before pulling your goggles back on, telling him that you clones should stick together.

Over time you become one of the people Conner is closest too, especially when he isn’t as welcomes by the people around him as he had hoped. This angers you and by extension Patrick, but your father figure just rolls his eyes and says he isn’t surprised.

In the beginning Conner spends a lot of time with you and Patrick, but mainly you, since you are closer in age. To be someone to look up too, you even stop with your petty crime for a while, just so your bad reputation won’t rub off on Conner.

Seeing him mingle better with the team, you take a happy step back and let him build the relationships he craves. Because of your different opinions and looser morals, you never became much more than acquaintances with the team, but seeing your fellow clone happy is enough for you.

But even as Conner gets closer to the team, he still holds onto you, since you were the first person to show him casual kindness without any suspicion or wanting something in return. You also have a lot more life skill than he does, so going to you for advice is normal for him.

When the time comes, you were most likely the one to leave the young justice team first out of everyone. You just don’t fit into their dynamic, and you run best on your own or with your father figure. Its hard to be an immortal who would never get to experience true normal life on a team of people who could.

You don’t leave the league, but you become more of a contractor, someone they call in when they need the help. You keep beating up bad guys, but you also fall back on the familiar feeling of crime. You only steal from those that deserve it though, and use your shapeshifting to easily get away with it.

It becomes a bit of a running gag, as the league always sends the young justice team after you since you aren’t an actual lethal threat. It kinda becomes training for them, and since Meghan can’t ever find you through mind powers, they have to work hard to find you.

When Conner leaves the team you to go out for drinks. Who cares about your ages. Seeing your father figure, you could be thousands of years old and never age physically, so it didn’t matter to you.

If your relationship was romantic, this would most likely be where it developed further, since Conner would be less tied to the team, and he could spend more time with you.

If your relationship isn’t romantic, it would still develop from here, just become more brotherly. You always joke you’re the batman to his superman, always shapeshifting into batman when you do, much to Conners fake annoyance.

Honestly even if it became romantic, youd still transform into batman and make kissy faces at him, since superbat is probably a running gag in the league.

You guys go on dates, even if its platonic, just to spend time together, maybe travel the world a bit, or even travel space, since you could easily survive away from earth. Theres probably also some very deep conversations about existence and your worth, since being a clone and always being treated like one weigh heavy on anyone.

When it truly hits Conner how much you struggle with your own role as a clone, he’s a bit surprised. Hed never imagined you were just completely fine, but you had always seemed to let the comments and suspicion roll off your back.

All in all, you two have each other’s back, always. The bond you have is deep in the way only two people created the same place for the same purpose can have. So, no matter if its romantic or platonic, you two become a familiar sight on and off the battlefield.

[snowb3rryy]

Lucifer NSFW Headcanons ♡

(mentions of f!mc)

♤ In the beginning of his relationship with MC, he wasn't very into making the relationship public. However, as time passed, he took pride in his partner and started to show her off in public and even initiate in PDA, especially in front of paparazzi that would follow him around during events.

♤ Doesn't really have a favourite kind of style on you, yet he loves to buy you dresses as gifts on date nights.

♤ Has a secret folder on his D.D.D. dedicated on nudes you send him/videos and pictures he takes of you during or after sex.

♤ He isn't against using toys, however only as a form of foreplay.

♤ Loves big titts (am i getting personal here? Maybe, don't judge me). He likes to squeeze them when he takes you doggy style, and loves to suck them when you're in missionary, especially before he cums.

♤ On the topic of missionary, he always, ALWAYS, wants to face you when either of you cums, no matter what position you're in, if he or you or sometimes both of you are close he immediately changes the position to missionary. He loves to see your expression, how you close your eyes and have your mouth open as you moan, and your whole body becomes hotter and more sensitive as you're close to orgasm.

♤ His moans are deep. He doesn't mind if he's sometimes loud, but he makes it his job to make you scream of pleasure so that everyone knows you're his, and only his.

♤ He rarely masturbates. He prefers to have sex with you, but if you're far, he either tries to shake if off or if he's too horny he prefers to have phone sex instead of simply beating his meam.

♤ If you're not in the mood, he, of course, respects it and doesn't indulge in his desires. Instead, he prefers to spend some romantic time with you.

♤ If you're one who wants to masturbate he's fine with it.. As long as he watches. If you reject that offer, he'd be a bit saddened or even upset the first time, but he won't pressure you. If you accept this proposal, be sure to expect his eyes stuck on you as you pleasure yourself.

Aftercare

♤ King of aftercare. After you're done, he kisses your cheek or your forehead.

♤ He always insists on proper clean up afterwards, so you both usually end up taking a bath, not together, though, because no one can guarantee it will stay at that.

♤ While you wash yourself, he changes the sheets if needed.

♤ If you're too tired or sleepy, that's the only time he insists on bathing together to make sure you won't harm yourself since you're not at the best state of mind.

♤ If needed, he takes care of your hair before falling to bed.

♤ If he was too rough or tried something new that was a bit too much, he keeps reassuring you that you did very well, and he means it.

♤ If it's not too late or he's not too tired, expect him to get you some warm milk or a cup of tea.

[7ndipity]

On your period

Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi looks after you on your period

Warnings: mentions of menstrual cycles, reader feeling sick, not proofread

A/N: Thank you to the lovely anon who requested this! I based it off my own experiences, so I'm sorry if it doesn't quite work for everyone. It's not the best, but I hope you like it anyway!

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

As soon as he walked into your apartment and saw the duvet from the bed in a giant y/n-shaped ball on the sofa in front of the tv, he knew what was up.

Moving quietly, in case you were asleep, he crept over, smiling when he was finally able to spot your face barely peeking out of the nest of blankets, tiredly returning his grin as he came into your line of vision.

"Hi." You croaked, voice horse from lack of use.

"Hi." He replied, leaning down and touching your cheek gently, both as a greeting and to check your temperature, knowing you sometimes ran a low fever on days like this.

"When's the last time you took any meds?"

"About noon."

Without a word, he made his way to the kitchen, returning in less than a minute with a couple pills and a bottle of water, helping you untangle from the blankets before joining you on the couch and passing you the items, which you accepted gratefully.

"Why didn't you text me earlier that you weren't feeling well?" He asked.

"Didn't wanna bother you." You mumbled.

"You're not a bother." He said, frowning as he noticed you wince uncomfortably.

It was only the first day, but that was usually when your symptoms would hit the hardest. Cramps, chills, body aches, it honestly felt like you had the flu, your only comfort was knowing that things would start to level out in a few more hours.

Well, maybe not your only comfort.

"What can I do?" Yoongi asked, quietly insistent. He hated seeing you hurting and not being able to do anything about it.

"I'll be okay, don't worry." You tried to reassure him.

"That's not what I asked." He said, giving you pointed look.

You swallowed nervously, feeling shy for some reason. "Could you maybe hold me?" You asked hesitantly.

Wordlessly once again, he climbed into your makeshift nest, shifting you both around until you were draped across his lap with your head pressed to his chest.

It still felt strangely foreign to have someone look after you like this, with such gentle, determined devotion, but you were starting to get used to it. In the past, you'd just dealt on your own, not wanting to be a burden to those around you. But as soon as you met Yoongi, all that went out the door. Anytime you felt the least bit unwell, he was at your beck and call. If you needed anything at all, be it food, meds, or just a bed warmer/nap partner, he was there for you.

You still remembered his genuine offense at your first attempts to dissuade him from coming to look after you.

"Why? It's not contagious."

"No, but-"

"Then why are you rejecting my love?!"

He'd promptly come over, armed with your favorite foods, candy and heat packs. You'd been so overwhelmed and emotional, you ended up crying and telling him you loved him for the first time that night.

Now, all these months later, he was still looking after you the same as he had then.

"You want me to stay over?" He asked after a minute.

"You don't have to do that." You sighed, already start doze against his shoulder.

"But I want to. Besides, I know you sleep better with me here." He teased.

"If you keep this up, I gonna turn into a spoiled baby." You warned.

"Will you just let me take care you, dammit." How he managed to make that sound stern and soft at the same time was a skill only Yoongi could master, making you grin.

"Fine." You relented, snuggling closer to him and pressing a small kiss to underside of his jaw. "I love you."

"I love you too, spoiled baby."

"Hey!"

[fantasynsuch]

Adam Stanheight SFW + NSFW headcanons

REQUESTS FOR SAW OPEN!

2.3k words

Sfw

How you meet!

you two meet probably in the hallway of your crappy apartment complex.

you run into him from the corner, he had his headphones in and was listening to it on full volume, and you were running late for work

crashing head first into neighbor? you dick he probably thinks to himself as he realizes he just ran into his neighbor.

he'd seen you around before: mostly rushing to whatever crappy retail job of the month you had

he had thought you were really beautiful, but he was a coward at heart, so never did anything about it

this time he didn't have the choice to not interact with you: well, without looking like a dick

"I am SO sorry. I'm such a dumbass." He rushes out before he can think

Youre still kinda in a little bit of shock, so you just look up at this incredibly handsome man who just face planted into you for a long while

he thinks your silence is you rejecting his apologies and he quietly apologizes and runs off

but you just were so enamored by him that you couldn't say anything

at work all you can think about is how you didn't accept his apologies and probably made him feel horrible

you were determined to make things right so after work you grab a couple packs of the smokes you always saw him with from the store and rush to his apartment

you timidly knock on his door and wait with bated breath

he sees you through the peephole and momentarily considers not answering it

but he sees the bag you have in your hand and is curious

he opens it, fully expecting to be yelled at for running into you

but all that happens is you raise the bag up quickly and say "i'm so sorry i didn't say anything, i feel so bad. i just was in shock because you're s-" you stop and say nothing after realizing your rambling

he looks in the bag and notices the smokes

you smile at him shyly

and that starts a beautiful relation

how you are as friends

you stay over ALOT

he tends to not eat the best so you make him alot of dinners and lunches to make sure he's eating regularly

his work as a professional stalker keeps him up at odd hours so those pre made meals are rlly a life saver

buying each other candy and snacks alot

when the other was having a rough month fiancially, you would try to pick up the slack andhelp them

that means buying the other small groceries and items to get them through till the next check

you stay over sm the other has toiletries like tooth brushes n soap at the others place

going to parties together but only talking to one another bc ur both not super extroverted

you just go for the free alcohol

speaking of which,,, taking care of each other when the other is drunk

he holds ur hair when ur sick in the toilet,

you rub his back when he's sick

when the other is actually ill as in cold or the flu, bringing each other soup n montioring each others temp

making sure the other takes their meds to get better

inevitably the other gets sick with the same thing, but it just ends up the same way with the other taking care of u

leaving notes in his mail slot when he's busy, and since its 2004, no fast messaging so "coming over at 5!! xoxo" in his mail slot

he lives kinda like a typical man with basically only a chair and essentials , bare ass living room

taking him to the thrift store to get like a decent couch n maybe an arm chair

helping him expand his wardrope to something beyond crappy second hand flannel n white shirt (preferably without blood on it)

helping him get through his trauma over the trap

you cant exactly help him get over it, but ur there when he has bad moments

holding him while he sobs in ur lap

just stroking his hair n reminding him hes here n not at the god awful bathroom

it really calms him down and reminds him he is present in this moment, not that one

he sometimes gets insecure about his scar on his shoulder and tries to hid it but you remind him that he shouldnt be embarassed for being strong enough to survive

helping him get back into normal non stalkery photographer- his need to make money to live kinda outweighed his desire to just take pics of birds

speaking of which: he def loves nature photography

he lives in new jersey, so its rare he gets to do that, but its a nice treat

road trips with him n he spends the whole time as a passenger princess asking you to stop n take pics of a dead tree that has a rlllly nice backdrop

ur crappy car probably breaks down once or twice but its part of the adventure

In a relationship

kisses. lot of f'ing kisses

neck kisses, forehead kisses, navel kisses. any types!

probably is the little spoon lbr

follows ur lead for the most part

want to go to the theatre? it may take out half his money but he WILL pay for the date

probably gets u sweet treats alot n writes a little note that says "love you babe!"

he def clings to you everywhere u go

got to go to the kitche? catch him hugging u from behind n not letting go

can't fall asleep without each other anymore

he used to have a twin sized mattress but he decided to buy a full after u moved intogether

speaking of which, he definitely moved into your apartment

you have a two bedroom n that allows him to have a red room for his photography and a bedroom

he probably only had a redroom and slept on the couch at his apartment tbh

typical man

very clean n likes to take showers with you

his fav thing is his hair being washed by you

the scraping on his scalp is incredibily grounding

he loves washing you as well, and not in a sexual way.

theres something so domestic about cleaning each other that he loves.

ultimately i think his interactions with cheating rich men has spoiled a bit of his view of marriage, but with you he really can see himself settling down and being a forever thing. beyond everything, he trusts you

he craves domesticity so he will enjoy providing for you and helping with the house

loves to cook, his mom probably taught him

doesn't really have a jealousy problem, though he can get jealous from time to time

very rare, but if he does, there might actually be a substantiated reason

doesn't want kids atm, as he can barely support himself and you.

waiting up for you to get home no matter how tired he is

wants to make sure you're home safe

rlly co dependent directly following the trap. can't be in the bathroom by myself, it reminds him too much of the trap. he needs you to be in the room with you while you speak to him through the curtain, or even better, being in the shower with you.

needs constant reassurance he isnt a burden on you

he feels like you don't deserve to be with a man who has so many problems

you tell him constantly that you will be there no matter what

holding hands just to remind him of your presence.

calms him down alot more than you expect

if you happen to be late getting home from work, he may partially freak out: thinking you left him finally

you'll find him sobbing on the couch curled in on himself

he's so vulnerable after lawrence left him there

he doesn't know that lawrence didn't break his promise intentionally so he holds alot of resentment for him

kissing his cheeks and telling him you'll never leave

onto more happy things:

MOVIE NIGHTS!!! you religiously watch movies together and spend most of the time talking about the stupidity of the characters or something.

never meeting his parents bc he's not on good terms with them

LOVES THAT YOURE ABOUT HIS HEIGHT, he's not a tall man and has never been insecure about his height, but the fact he's eye level with you makes it extremely intimate in his opinion

or if you're taller than him, his man brain goes ooga booga and thinks "tall woman/man" and all bets are off

NSFW

okay, to go ahead and put this glaringly obvious thing out there: HE HAS A THING FOR BEING A SUB!!!

He needs you to take control and tell him what to do

grab him by his hair and shove him in between your legs? yes ma'am

ask him to kneel and eat you out on a hardwood floor? done

he absolutely would do anything for you

he needs reassurance what he's doing is good: and rest assured, it is

he probably is a bit messy, and not very controlled

sloppy licks and desperate sucks are common

same thing for when he's inside you

ragged thrusts and a desperate pace

hes probably desperate bc you havent let him cum the whole session

his cock is probably a bit under average length wise, but good god is his girth something to marvel at

everytime he takes you he stretches you

very skinny man, and once you get your claws into him, he probably gains weight which gives him a cute bit of chub that you love to grab onto while he's thrusting into your hole haphazardly.

its almost like a leash

he absolutely needs direction the first couple times, hes so nervous he's shaking

you ask if he wants to keep going and he nods quickly n says theres nothing he's ever wanted more, but assuming this is following the trap, he absolutely needs someone to tell him what to do

could definitely get off from watching you cum (it's def happened before, his poor red cock hadn't been touched all night beyond the grinding on the bed he's hidden from you while eating you out and seeing your intense pleasure just,, he couldn't hold on anymore)

probably circumcised with a tasteful amount of hair, enough to be cute but not enough to be annoying

his nipples are probably so sensitive and he doesnt even know it, he's never thought to play with them

the first time you brush them he gasps and leaks precum

from then on they become a regular part of your routine when playing with him

PLEASE CALL HIM A GOOD BOY!!!

the first time you do, his head is thrown back in ecstasy from your mouth on his cock, and when you pull up, you tell him to look at you while still stroking his cock, and you say "youre my good boy. cum for me my baby boy."

he immediately cums and is embarrassed for weeks, even with your reassurance that it was the hottest thing you've ever seen

speaking of head, he loves getting it but he absolutely enjoys giving it more

theres something so sexy about being able to lick you to completion

when he gets head, he's so lost in his own pleasure that he forgets to breathe and when he remembers, he takes deep breaths

is so in love with your body

he thinks your the hottest person he's ever seen

would probably want to call you mistress or momma. i dont make the rules

RIDE HIM RN

he loves when you're on top, it makes him feel so helpless

alright so: he definitely wants you to peg him

grip his hands and place them above his head, and shove his head into the mattress

anything

his fav position is with his ass up in the air with his head shoved in a pillow and his cock hanging pitifully untouched. shove your strap into his ass while he begs you to make him cum

grab his face and kiss him while he wails out from the pleasure

shove your tongue down his throat,,, something!!

IN THE ODD OCCASION HE IS FEELING DOMINANT!!

rare

but it happens

he isn't some hard dom who leaves you bruised up

he will take care of you just like he does when he's subbing, but he won't let you order him around

grabs your neck and just holds. not enough to prevent you breathing, but enough for you to know its there

still sloppy either way

with him, aftercare is a must

thing is: you can't leave him alone after he's finished subbing, as it sparks some trigger that brings him back to the bathroom, where, in his mind, lawrence left him to die

you have to take him with you

you found out after he cries out and practically tackles you begging you to not leave and to stay with him and to not abandon him

its alot of rambling, but once you get him to calm down, he is pretty embarrassed, but you understand

you tell him to get up and hold his hand, or hug, while walking to the bathroom

wiping a rag on his oversensitive cock to clean it and seeing his face scrunch up is ur fav thing

you might make him eat his cum out of you to clean you up, but it just depends on how he feels. and it might start up a whole nother round so its a gamble

he probably doesn't fall asleep immediately afterward, and will stay there stroking your hair while you sleep to remind himself you're there, you aren't leaving and you love him

LOTS OF LOVE YOU'S DURING AND AFTER!!

something about you telling him you love him does something: it might be from him feeling useless and like a burden

when he finally sleeps, he's the little spoon and he whispers a quick,"thank you"before nodding off

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!!! I LOVE ADAM AND SAW AND AND pLS REQUEST SOMETHING!!

[shall-we-die]

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{Weak}

What makes them feel weak? || How do they try to avoid it?

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↬[Fandom]•⊰ {Obey me!}࿐

↬[Warnings]•⊰ {Angst}࿐

☰[Main list]•⊰ ────┈┈{0072}┈─╮

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╰┈➤Likes/Reblogs are appreciated࿐

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↬|Lucifer|

Lucifer hates being vulnerable- but he especially hates being vulnerable in love. It’s hard for him to open up and he hates being emotional. Lucifer has a really hard time expressing vulnerability in words. Showing love and affection in subtle acts and caring for his love behind the scenes, are his ‘love languages’. Lucifer tries his best to push you away, especially when he starts to feel emotional. Trying his best to keep you at arms length, but never quite being able to bring himself to completely isolate himself from you.

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↬|Mammon|

Mammon is the embodiment of greed. In a relationship, he would feel weak when it came to trust. He’d want to be completely in control of his love interest, and keep them all to himself. He would try to avoid this feeling by always wanting the upper hand, no matter what. He would be very controlling, very demanding, and always wanting to know where his partner is, what they’re doing, who they’re with. He’s very possessive, and very jealous.

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↬|Leviathan|

Levi can be quite insecure in relationships, afraid that his partner will eventually leave him due to his otaku interests. he also tries to avoid it by putting up walls and not opening up too much, for fear of rejection. he may also be possessive and jealous but at the same time afraid of losing his relationship. he's always afraid of being judged by people who don't understand his interests.

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↬|Satan|

One of the things that makes Satan feel weak is whenever MC shows affection or displays vulnerability. When this happens, he might feel a mix of emotions: fear of getting close and being hurt, but also a deep longing for love and connection. He might try to avoid these vulnerable moments by distancing himself, keeping his emotional guard up, or by finding ways to distract himself from his feelings. However, as the relationship progresses, he learns to open up and trust MC more, making him feel stronger and more connected to them As Satan opens up more to MC, he starts to feel more comfortable expressing his emotions and relying on them for support. But he still has his moments of weakness where he struggles to accept the fact that someone could truly love him. He might sometimes test MC by pushing them away or acting aloof to see if they will still stick around and prove their love for him. But with time and reassurance, he eventually learns to trust MC and feel stronger in the relationship.

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↬|Asmodeus|

Asmodeus is known to be a confident and flirtatious individual, but underneath his charming facade... he can be quite insecure, especially in romantic relationships. One of the things that make him feel weak in a relationship is the fear of rejection and abandonment. Despite his outward bravado, he can be quite emotionally fragile and sensitive, so any hint of coldness or disinterest from his partner can make him really insecure. He tries to avoid feeling weak in this way by constantly seeking reassurance and validation from his partner through words and acts of affection, sometimes to the point of becoming clingy or even manipulative.

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↬|Beelzebub|

Beelzebub feels weak when he doubts his partner's love and loyalty. He may try to avoid feeling this way by constantly seeking validation, becoming possessive and overprotective, or even testing his partner's loyalty in subtle ways. Beelzebub's insecurities in relationships stem from his fear of abandonment and not being good enough.

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↬|Belphegor|

He has been betrayed by someone he truly loved centuries ago. That's why is is very strict about loyalty, he never completely trusts anyone because of his past betrayal, so instead he acts dominant and strong to keep all relationships in his control, so is way harder for someone to hurt or make him feel weak.

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↬|Diavolo|

Diavolo is usually very confident and strong, but in a relationship he can feel weak when he feels like he can't protect his partner from harm, so he tries to avoid this feeling by constantly keeping an eye on them and making sure they're safe and sound.

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↬|Barbatos|

He hates feeling weak when it comes to you. He knows that he's older, stronger, and wiser than you... but he can't help but feel vulnerable and weak around you. It's a feeling he hates intensely, it makes him question his own strength. The way he avoids it is by trying to be more assertive and dominant around you. He wants to prove that he is the one in charge and that you are the one who is weaker/depends on him.

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↬|Simeon|

In a relationship, he feels vulnerable when he loses his independence. He tries to avoid this by constantly maintaining control over himself and his partner, which can sometimes come off as overly possessive and dominant.

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↬|Solomon|

As a highly skilled sorcerer, Solomon is used to being powerful and in control. However, in a relationship, he may feel weak when he is emotionally vulnerable and shows his softer emotions. This is because he worries about being rejected or abandoned if he opens up too much. To avoid this, he may try to deflect or jokingly brush off any sensitive topics, acting in a more cavalier-like manner as a defense mechanism. He may also try to distance himself a bit to avoid getting too close and risk being hurt.

||[🅆eak]||

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     ⇆ㅤㅤ◁🅅ㅤㅤ❚❚ㅤㅤ🅇▷ㅤㅤ↻

[sea-of-dust]

Phantom theif boys x GN! Reader

Dating headcannons!

N: Adding comfort headcannons to knock two asks in one stone, they got changed to just comforting headcannons mostly. Ur not escaping pastel*pallette with this.

He's ready to fully wake up as soon as he hears your voice downstairs or just your footsteps. Morgana is not a fan of suddenly feeling his leg pulled out of bed.

Super ready to tease you. The guys smiling hard before he responds with something stupid. "I dare you" trying to hold off his chucking, he places his hand ontop of yours and spins you, stopping when you face him. "Are you a cheeseburger?" "no"

Let's you brush his hair, in fact you should. Curls are hard, ya know. His wrist can use a break, plus you're the one brushing it he sees it as a win. Ignoring the times you decided to give him pigtails

He can be super romantic at times, especially the most random, "I'm sorry I took so long, your beauty distracted me" he smirked twiddling a bit of his hair, you sigh, after a pause beginning to chuckle "I don't like you" "you love me" kissing your cheek he goes behind the counter "anything you wanna eat?"

He's always gonna be there to comfort you. Holding you close as you cry into his chest over something that had been bothering you, hearing you out while he cooks or staying by your side while you rant. "And then she was like," Oh well you need to go to extra help TO HELL WITH THAT!" You rub your temple "sorry she's just been getting on my nerves" "have you tried dropping or switching classes?" "She would reject the request everytime" you'd wonder why she suddenly accepted the following day. Maybe she finally thought you were just bad at chemistry

Will tell you he's a phantom theif trying to rizz you up. "So like we use these things called personas to fight these shadows" "woah, that's cool, Ryuji." You didn't believe him, but you let him cook, he's trying his best

Embodiment of the YIPPE sound. He loves seeing you. Could be walking to class, and he'd stop midway. "Yo!" "Hey Ryuji" great now he's gonna repeat that 3 more times a day, won't even start a conversation, sometimes, just likes hearing you say hi to him

He's super cuddly when sleepy. "Where are you going" "I told you I'm going home" "nooo" he wraps his arms around your waist "you aren't allowed to leave" trying to slip out he tightens his grip. You had to call your parents to tell them you had no choice but to stay longer

He'd get so excited when anything sport related comes along. "I wanna watch the track team compete this weekend. You should come" "do you need me to bring snacks?" "You bring them every time, though! I'll bring them this time" He'd get super hyped up about someone from the school taking the lead he almost fell off the bleachers at times.

He would buy you snacks, and you two would talk about it on a bench. "He's so annoyingggg" "I know, right!" "Like he can't shut up everything's quiet and this mf 'I HAVE A BUISNESS' shut up" "like at the end of the day he's still an incel" "EXACTLY" you two would end up ranting with eatchother so much you end up calming eatchother down, this would also translate into you just being too sad to even make funny comments. "He's just so draining, kinda makes me wish someone just told him to be quiet" "for real I almost cried at his voice" "it's too squeaky right" "totally" laying your head on his lap you look up at him just thinking. "You're staring into my soul here." he strokes your hair with a nervous expression "good" In the end, he still comforts you the same way

"Oh, it's you" turned to "it's you.." REAL quick, as soon as you started dating, he got shy

He's gonna ask you to help him with art. "Y/n do you mind posing?" "With what?" "These live lobsters I found" ".... no thank you" "but!" "I'm gonna buy you those little wooden dolls just for that" "you're better than any piece of wood!" It turns more into a praise sesson he forgets about the lobsters he's basically keeping as pets at this point

You tried to teach him how to cook, or atlesst follow the recipe. "OK so we have the custard" you grab his hand, holding it up. "Don't use that we need it for later." "My Appologies" "it's alright it's your first time making this" He's fine the first time but gets way better with practice. He'd make you jealous with how nice he'd make his food look

Tried pick up lines they were good, but the execution could use work. "Y/n! Do you have a map? " "For what?" He pauses, looking down as if thinking for the next line "because i can't help but get lost in your eyes" you smirk, watching him get more bashful than you from his own line. "Are you a painting?" You cup his face making him look at you "because I can't take my eyes off you"

He isn't very good in this field...but he has spirit! You'd sigh while watching him paint after a few eye rolls, vacant stares,leaning on him. He's gonna sense it even if you don't do all that. "Is there something on your mind?" You look down to his paints before answering "a friend of mine moved away, and I found out recently she used to steal stuff from others" crossing your arms you continue "I kinda get why some of my stuff went missing now but just to think" "that does seem rather unfortunate" "she's lucky the stuff she took was all under 10 bucks or I would have asked the phantom theives to do something" he pauses his brush for a secound before continuing on "via the website?" "Yea! They'll probably handle her if it genuinely gets outta hand" he smiles as he puts down his paint and brush. "How about we go for a walk for you to let out some steam?" "sounds great"

"I'm alone. Would you like to join me?" "Do you realize how that sounds?" "Do you realize how dirty your mind is?"

He'll be resistant to cuddling at first but then slowly realize he likes it. Won't ask for it tho but he will be a little peeved when they aren't given. Subconsciously learn the way he stares at your arms, how he grips his own, and the way he tries to get a bit closer to you, you've learned the secrets to a touch starved akechi

Would be a bit annoyed when you bring up another dude. "And then Ryuji was shaking the vending machine and the guard thought we were trying to steal snacks" "I see" "I ended up getting em though" "mhm" "you're so aggressively disinterested" "yes I am" You pause before letting the smirk take over your face "so then akechi rubbed my face and asked for a kiss" "I should" he stops typing to press his lips softly on your cheek.

He'd take you everywhere with him. Not a choice, it's only when he's at his job that he's away from you, everywhere else? Same class right next to you. Eating lunch with you, would ask you to play darts with him after school. He'd wonder why you'd look so tired when you two finally got home after school, atleast he helps with homework.

"Akechi" you move hair from his face. "What is it?" You continue touching his face as he watches as your hands move around his face. "Is there something on your mind" "is it that obvious" you pull your hand away, but he takes his into yours. There's a short pause before you decide to speak again. "A person close to me stopped coming to school after an argument we had. I'm pretty worried" "you didn't try contacting them?" "I have, but I think they'll just get more annoyed" you sigh "I just don't know what to do" "let them have their momment they'll contact you when they feel like it, in the meantime" he covers you in the blanket he shared with you momments ago "you could stay here until it leaves your mind"

"So what is skibbity toilet?" "Zen no"

He'd always order for you at places, unless you changed your order he'd get you everytime. "You gotta stop doing that" "Why you jealous I know you better than you know yourself?" "Yes"

He tries to ask you for advice on Akane. "She got upset she couldn't play and eat" "did you try making it a tea party" he scoffs, giggling a bit at the suggestion. "I'm serious. Do you have any tiny tea cups?"

He's definitely touch starved when he gets home. Barely awake, he'd cling onto you, mumbling into your ear. He's fallen asleep for a few seconds on your shoulder. "Let's get you to bed, Zen." "it's comfortable here though." "it'll be more comfortable in bed." "ugghhhhh"

He's gentle when it comes to you, especially when you get home more upset than usual. "So how was work" in a slightly annoyed tone you respond "draining they tried to give me unpaid overtime again" you sigh "hmm" without much words he lays down with you hugging you "do you want anything?" "Sleep" he smiles fondly "this house will be so quiet it's like it was haunted" The next day, do expect most of your chores to be done already, as well as breakfast. It was made with love, not with skill

[lovingmimiii]

Hey!! I was wondering if I could submit a request between Angel Dust x gn! reader. So reader has a secret crush on Angel (it’s not super obvious, but u can tell it’s there👀) and ever since Cherri decided to move in to the hotel and has gotten to know the residents a little more, she’s started to notice these signs😏 cue in Cherri being the best wingwoman ever for reader, but also embarrassing the shit out of them cause she’s a little shit🤣👑

While this is happening, Angel is just side-eyeing reader the entire time, giving them teasing, little flirty looks and reader is just like “fucking kill me now”😳 but once Cherri is done with her torment, reader ends up confessing (much to Angel’s amusement) and the ending is just sweet, cute and fluffy😘💞

Thank you so much love!!! I can’t wait to see what you write!🫶🏼

AWWWWW!!! This is so adorable! Thank you so much for requesting Anon, it makes my day better! 🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎🤎

ᡣ𐭩 ᡣ𐭩

ᡣ𐭩 Angel Dust x Crush! Reader . . . 🧸

🧸ྀི ~ Let’s get something straight here… you don’t adore Angel just because he’s involved with the pornography industry (because a BUNCH of people adore him because of that and his body). You adore him because of how he is deep down. Angel’s personality isn’t only the fact that he is a famous pornstar—there’s so much more to his character besides that and you see it as clear as day.

You love how he is genuinely able to cut the “Flirty” act of his and immediately turn serious when it’s needed. For example, one time you were really upset about something and it bothered you like no other. When Angel saw this he immediately dropped the usual act and comforted you. It’s like he knows how to switch out of that act he puts on to truly let those around him know that he does care about them.

Angel is able to make you feel so giddy inside everytime an interaction happens between the two of you. The way he sweet talks you is smooth like honey—The way he stares at you is so hypnotizing…

🧸ྀི ~ Of course, you didn’t want to blow your cover so soon. You tried to keep this little crush of yours on the low side and just went with the flow. You understood your feelings, accepted them, and now? Suffer in silence as you struggle to find out a way to tell Angel how you feel without feeling the overwhelming pressure of being rejected.

🧸ྀི ~ …don’t worry though! Your good ol’ friend Cherri is here to assist!

🧸ྀི ~ Once Cherri moved into the hotel and started to get familiar with the residents and what not, she immediately caught onto how you acted with her best friend Angel. Pfft, she didn’t understand how literally NO ONE else didn’t catch on! It’s SOOOOO obvious!

(Yes, this is what Cherri might do sometimes so just a heads up…)

🧸ྀི ~ You had your fair share with Cherri’s torment when she caught onto the fact that you had a crush on Angel.

*Reader ogling at Angel from across the room*

*Cherri slowly appears behind you, going unnoticed.* “…You like him don’t cha?”

*Reader yelps and falls on their face*

(Also with Angel witnessing this and immediately running to your side-)

🧸ྀི ~ GODDDD… Cherri is the DEATH of you. She will constantly find ways to embarrass you in front of Angel (like teasing about your crush in front of him or when your talking about your feelings for Angel quietly she just blurts out crap)

“Yeah… Angel is really pretty… I-I like him—“

“YOU LIKE ANGEL!? YOU THINK HE’S REALLY PRETTY!?-“

🧸ྀི ~ Everyday is like battlefield for you when it comes to Cherri but secretly you like the fact that she’s being kinda of a tease and being vocal about this because lord knows that you could NEVER do that… plus it’ll make Angel catch on…hopefully?

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹

~ Oneshot ~ ! . . . ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹

“WAIT SO YOU LIKE ANGE-“

“SHHHHHHHHH…”

Cherri let out a muffled giggle from behind your hand as you silenced her. You stared back at her with disapproval as a blush rose to your cheeks out of embarrassment. Geez, out of everyone in this hotel—why did Cherri have to be the one to find out about your crush on Angel? Yet she claims that she’s being such a “good” wingwoman… Yeah right!

“Cherri… stop that! I’ve told you so many times…” You scolded with a whisper as you slowly removed your hand from her mouth.

Cherri shrugged her shoulders with a sharp toothy smile. “Eh, it was worth a shot! Fuck, I was hoping Angie would hear~” She said teasingly, nudging you with her elbow as you sunk into the couch. Your hands covered your face at the mere thought of Angel hearing her shout that out. It made your heart skip some beats… “Do you ever plan on tellin’ him? It’s been like this for MONTHS, bitch!”

Cherri didn’t disapprove of this situation between you, your feelings, and Angel. Cherri knew that you weren’t like any of the other assholes Angel has been around and she could tell. Hell, she never told you this but Angel talks about you a shitload of times when they are together causing shit. Not to mention how it does seem like Angel has some pretty deep feelings for you. She just didn’t make the effort to tell you because she knew that you could confess by yourself! Character development~!!!

“I-I don’t know.” You sighed. You genuinely wanted to tell Angel how you felt but you were too scared. What if he rejects you? I mean, that’s fine—but what if he doesn’t want to be around you anymore? Not only you’d lose your forever crush but you’ll also lose one of your greatest friends…”I don’t think I ever will…”

…

“BULLSHIT!!!” Cherri exclaimed as she abruptly stood up from her spot on the couch. “Well today, you’re gonna finally tell him how you fuckin’ feel!” And with that being said with no protests from you, Cherri grabbed your wrist and dragged you out of the Lobby and down the hall. You assumed that she was taking you to Angel’s room and that made your heart fall straight to your stomach.

“Wait—Wait, Cherri! No—I-I don’t know how to confess! I don’t—I don’t what to say!!—“

“Welp, it’s either you tell him,” Cherri started as the pulling of your wrist stopped, signaling that you two were already at Angel’s humble abode. “or shall I take the honors~?”

“No. No way.”

“Damnit… well, he’s all yours!” Cherri said as she pushed you forward. You stared at the door to Angel’s room, feeling shaky all over as you slowly raised your fist to knock on the door. You chewed the inside of your lip with such nervousness before gently knocking on the bedroom door, quickly putting your hand back to its placement by your side. You looked at Cherri with a worried expression and she just nodded her head at you as she leaned against the wall, giving you a big smile. “You got this,” she mouthed.

“I-I don’t think I do… Is this really the right choice?—“

“Sweetface! What’re you doin’ here at my room… at this time?” Angel’s voice had a tint of teasing to it which made your heart jump. You felt your palms getting a tad bit sweaty.

“I—Erm…I just wanted to—“

“THEY LIKE YOU!—“ Cherri’s mouth was quickly covered by you in an instant.

“Cherri!—shush…!” You said in a hushed tone.

Angel just looked between the two of you with a confused expression with a hand on his hip. What was going on with the two of you? Was this another one of Cherri’s stupid pranks or some shit? And why were you acting so worrisome?

Pfft, it doesn’t take a genius to know what’s going on. Angel hid the smirk that was fighting to appear on his face as he watched the both of you bicker. Angel knew that you had a thing for him…which is okay because he too has a thing for you.

“So…um…like I was saying, Angel—I—“

“They dream about kissing you every night and they really…REALLLYYYY want you to date them, Angie.” Cherri interrupted with a shit eating grin.

You froze right then and there… jesus christ, she could NEVER keep her mouth shut for the life of her couldn’t she? What makes it even worse is how it’s not a lie! It’s a truth! The full bloody truth! You just wanted to curl into a ball in the corner and just die…AGAIN! “I—No! No no—it’s not!—“ you tried to speak but Angel cut through.

“Is that so, hmmm~?” Angel said with a smirk on his face. His eyes were sharp as he stared at you with a flirty glint in his eyes. His gaze made your legs feel like jelly as you stood there shyly, fidgeting with your shirt. “Cherri, could we have some privacy?” Angel asked, his eyes never looking away from your nervous form.

“Will do!” With that, Cherri was gone down the hall. You didn’t miss the way she winked at you before taking her leave, leaving both you and Angel in the halls of the hotel together. No one else to interrupt you.

It was quiet. Silence. You didn’t know what to say to Angel. what should you say anyway? The word has already gone out, you like Angel— now he knows the truth. The silence was eating you alive at this point…

“…So,” Angel started. You could feel his breath tickle your face as he leaned down close to your face. You had no choice but to make eye contact with the other male with such bashfulness. “talk to me, Y/n. What was it that you were saying before…interruptions~?” The way your name slid off his tongue was music to your ears.

Now’s your chance. Your one and only chance.

“…Angel,” You started. “I…I like you. I’ve always had feelings for you. I wanted to tell you but I was afraid that it would ruin everything we already had together and I didn’t want that. I understand if you don’t feel the same as I do—I just hope that we can still be friends…” You briefly confessed. You felt a whole entire ton of weight leave you shoulders when you laugh all that out. It felt good to finally tell Angel how you truly feel down— if anything, it felt as if it was suffocating you completely.

Angel was quiet for a moment, looking down at you silently before putting a hand underneath your chin, tilting your head to look at him. You felt your face get warm when you saw that gentle smile of his on his lips as he stared down at you with such love. “Y’know, you really do worry too much.” He teased in a hushed tone.

“Y-Yeah..” you replied awkwardly.

“Well, lucky for you cause trust me, baby—I’ve always wanted to see how you are in bed~” Angel said with a loving voice.

“E-Ehh!? Excuse you…? A-Angel, b-but that doesn’t answer my question—“

“What? The question if I like you back? Damn, I thought you’d knew just from me saying that!” Angel argued playfully.

“Uh, well, I-I think I know…but I just really want to make sure that you actually feel the same way.”

Angel let out a small chuckle, caressing your cheek. “Fine,” he said before leaning closer to you and pecking your cheek which made your gasp suddenly. “I love you, Y/n~” he admitted. Angel watched as your face turned a bright red and it just filled in his inner turmoil.

“I…I love you too…”

[skyeslittlecorner]

I know it's late but can I ask for the' kings'reactions to a MC who dislikes sexual activities (maybe because of their past)?

I'm craving the angst now 🤤 but maybe it will end with happiness as always 🫶

Honestly, I don't think the kings would have a big problem with lack of sex. If you smack them in the hand to keep them from touching and tell them why you don't want it, it will flow off them like nothing happened. Maybe they'll get a little angry at first, that's all. They want the best.

If we want angst, let's be creative. Assume that this aversion to sex is heightened to such an extent that it prevents the sharing of demonic energy and threatens our lives.

Satan is surprised that you don't want sex and annoyed that you don't want to cooperate. You need demonic energy to live in Hell. If you refuse everything related to it, even slightly, you will not survive here. Your words that you can then go back to earth where you belong are driving him crazy. You promised you would help them. Are you going to break your promise? If so, then go ahead and come back, but then he doesn't have to keep his end of the deal either. When you come back, Minhyeok will be dead again. Your argue will be fierce, the castle will shake to its foundations. If you really want to survive without sex, you better find a demon who will politely put you back home, because Satan has no intention of helping traitors.

Mammon is… unmoved. My imagination is too small and his love is too great for me to imagine a scenario where he is furious by his master's behavior. If you refuse sex, he will mainly be sad and concerned. Will suggest a lot of other solutions. The main one will be giving you milk from the horns to drink, without telling you what it is. When you find out, you'll get mad, wanting nothing to do with sex, but even then, he won't raise his voice to you. He won't let you die in such a stupid way, and order you to drink it. Although, it breaks his heart. He can be firm when he wants, and you either accept it or have it forcibly injected into your body.

Beelzebub thought it was some fun at first. He tries to get to you, and you pretend to be cold and distant. However, he slowly begins to get impatient. He takes you on trips to earth all the time, so you don't need demonic energy. But why do you reject him, don't you even let him embrace you? He will start to forget about you, if you hate him so much, stay in hell where you have demons that you like more. When he finds out that you don't want energy from them either, he will be just irritated. He will come back regularly to take you back to earth, but the atmosphere between you will become more and more intense, until one day he will simply disappear and not take you back to hell.

Leviathan finds the matter very simple. You don't want demonic energy? Then die. He may even help you and throw you into a coffin to be eaten, hanging would be an honor you don't deserve. He knew you were stupid, but to be this stupid? Not respecting a life that can be lost so easily? And all this because of idiotic grimaces? Sometimes you have to do something you hate to survive. He won't let you die only if he absolutely needs you, and then he will force you to accept demonic energy. He won't touch you because he knows how it hurts. But he will pour milk from the horns down your throat, whether you like it or not.

[genshin-obsessed]

Him As a Fake Boyfriend | Genshin Impact

✧ So, my inspiration is from a movie, there are so many like these and they're always fun to me, sooooo I wrote about it! I hope you like it! The "plot" is generic, don't mind me. Also, usually I'll have a template for consistency but I didn't really come up with one here- sorry, I just really wanted to write it lol.

✧ Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Thoma, Wanderer, Tighnari, Kaveh

✧ Extra: As per usual, (w/n) stands for wanderer's name in the event you wanna use the one you chose

Your sister is getting married, so of course you would be attending. The problem was... your ex was going to be there as well. As much as you disliked them, you had to attend. You had already lied a few times to your family that you did, indeed, have a boyfriend and planned a whole breakup story before actually attending the wedding. That's when your sister mentioned to you that your ex was attending.

Of course, she also told you to bring your boyfriend so that you could show him off. One problem: you didn't have one. So what was your plan?

You were going to hire one.

✧✧ Diluc ✧✧

Well, you're bold to approach him to be your fake boyfriend. You two were... barely friends, really. So he flat out rejected you the first time you asked.

You had to give him a whole explanation, practically begging him to reconsider. It took a while, but he finally accepted, declining when you said you'd pay him.

He told you to consider it a favor, and that he'll definitely be asking for one back in the future. You agreed- seeing as how you had little choice you had.

Diluc is pretty good at faking it. He's the type that keeps around you, comes up with replies really fast. He's good at remembering everything- all the information you gave him.

Definitely a no-nonsense boyfriend. If you're lying to yourself, he'll let you know. He also makes sure to remind you that you lying to everyone won't help either and it's best to resolve the issue quickly.

However, he also plays his role really well. There are no slipups, he's super confident, and he definitely scares your ex. The glares he sends your ex's way are just... so good.

You can help but be attracted to Diluc toward the end... he was pretty amazing...

✧✧ Kaeya ✧✧

He is definitely smirking and making assumptions on why you came to him, specifically. Of course, he teased you for a few minutes but eventually agreed. However, you'd owe him now.

He sat you down somewhere private and asked you seriously why you were asking for this. You gave him a quick rundown of the situation and he listened quietly before affirming that he'd be helping.

He's good at memorizing all your family members names, their faces, likes, dislikes, all that. You give him a lengthy speech before getting to the town where the wedding was going to be.

Kaeya is really good at calming you down, making sure to say the right things when any family member upsets you. He's not all that intimidating at first glance and he's ok with that.

He keeps your ex away by being all over you. The second your ex is even approaching you, Kaeya's arm is around your waist, pulling you against his chest, and kissing your cheek.

Honestly, your entire family is convinced Kaeya is so head over heels for you and keeps telling you that you should marry him soon. Of course, Kaeya happily agrees to it in front of them, but says nothing afterward.

At the end of the day, this was just a fake boyfriend situation. Or was it?

✧✧Thoma✧✧

You and Thoma weren't the closest, but you knew of him and so... you tried anyway. Thoma was shocked for sure and a little unsure at first. But you needed help so... he agreed. He wanted you to keep the money, but you insisted, telling him to just treat it like a job since you two weren't that close.

He had little to no trouble remembering names, likes, dislikes, and problematic people. You explained that some family members were really obnoxious and sometimes got into arguments with one another or insulted you.

Thoma memorized everyone and assured you it would be fine. You also gave him an explanation on that dumb ex of yours. Thoma picked up on your discomfort and touched your shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll be fine."

You two were staying in a family member's large home, in which you and Thoma shared a room. He offered to sleep on the floor but you didn't mind sharing the bed.

Everyone LOVES him. He's entertaining, kind, sweet, and very comforting. If someone says something that upsets you, he makes an excuse to pull you away and immediately says the opposite. Someone makes fun of you? He's telling you how gorgeous you look.

Your ex can't even get a minute with you. The second they look at you and are coming over, Thoma's grabbing your arm and taking you somewhere else.

He's the comforting boyfriend and it almost makes you a little sad when you're both heading back because you know this charade will be over soon. But it was definitely fun while it lasted. Maybe.. you might ask him out to a real date soon.

✧✧Wanderer✧✧

First of all, why him? Second, he wants that payment upfront. Every mora. He's rolling his eyes the entire time you're explaining why you wanted him to help you.

However, he does listen well when you're telling him names and personalities. He asks questions and makes sure he remembers everything to keep from embarrassing you.

He... doesn't stand for anyone making fun of you. Old friends, family, that dumbass ex. Right now, you're his and no one's gonna insult what belongs to him.

It was actually endearing. He may have been a bit too aggressive, but the way he defended you almost made you feel sad you weren't actually with him.

He's, of course, the no no-nonsense boyfriend, letting you know if you're being a doormat for everyone. He is, however, encouraging. Telling you what to do to actually be happy- as an unbiased party watching you crash and burn. That made you laugh for sure.

Your ex had managed to pull you away for a minute, telling you that they were better than (w/n) and that's when your "boyfriend" swooped in. Pretty much insulted and threatened your ex before dragging you off.

All in all, you enjoyed the wedding with (w/n)- a lot more than you thought you would. You were almost tempted to ask him out on a real date. He might've even said yes, who knows...

✧✧Tighnari✧✧

Tighnari thought it was a joke at first and actually laughed before his smile faltered and he apologized. You explained the whole reason- practically holding nothing back.

Tighnari felt bad so he agreed, he also insisted you keep your money. You explained that you'd need to stay at your family's home for a few days and he agreed to that too.

You two went through the family names and all that- but he almost made a point to ask what you were comfortable with. Hugs, kisses, PDA- all that. You knew there wasn't much of a choice, you two needed to look like a genuine couple... so everything was ok.

Tighnari's interactions with your family made him seem like he fit in almost perfectly. Your family loved him, but there were some that were skeptics. Especially your ex. Tighnari simply explained you were a new couple, so you two were still getting used to one another.

He took really good care of you. He made sure you didn't drink too much, he kept you from anyone who didn't like you, countered any insult that was thrown your way, and was just so perfect.

He showed his affection through touches and light kisses, rubbing your wrist before grabbing your hand and placing a kiss on your knuckles. The event went so smoothly with him there.

At the end of it, you were quite sad that you weren't actually with him. You made sure to thank him repeatedly but he only chuckled and waved it off, saying he had fun. You heavily debated asking him out right then and there.

✧✧Kaveh✧✧

Kaveh... wasn't sure. Pretending to be your boyfriend? That would just lead to more problems. Especially if he slipped up. He refused at first, but you really asked him.

He was dead set on rejecting you but when your eyes met his and he saw that desperation in there, he kinda froze up. You really needed help and what kind of man would he be to turn you down? So, he agreed- but he didn't want to be paid for it.

Learning about your family was hard, especially in one day. Of course, that didn't mean he didn't give it his darndest, but he couldn't remember them all before the day you were supposed to be at the family home.

Even if he couldn't remember them all, Kaveh has a very shiny personality and easily won your entire family over. He was so easy going, such a goof, and really kind! Your ex, however, didn't like him.

That was the entire point, every time he talked near your ex, Kaveh just went on tirades about how perfect you were for him and how lucky of a man he was to have such a sweet person loving him. Honestly, your family was already planning your wedding while still at your sister's wedding!

He was definitely the sweet, touchy boyfriend. He always had an arm around you, he often gave you kisses, don't forget dance practice! Honestly, he had so much fun- even if half of it was fake. Before you two knew it, the wedding was over and you were headed back.

You really had fun and throughout the party you kept comparing Kaveh to your ex. He was so much better- kinder, more fun, more loving, even if it was fake. There was a dull ache in your chest as you were going home and you were heavily debating on whether or not you should ask him out for real.

[fuzzyclink]

Angsty Keir x Vesper fic, hot off the presses. Heavily inspired by chapter 2, so don’t read if you haven’t played the second chapter of his route yet. Spoilers abound!

Ao3 link

(also I wrote a Keir/vesper spicier, spoiler-free fic here!, and a Halloween comedy/horror fic)

New Bones

He ran into the fire. Broke through the flames, heard voices scream beneath the thunder of ignition. He hadn’t been there to prevent it. Hadn’t protected them. Hadn’t kept everyone safe. Stepped away once and everything went to shit. The fire singed the hair on his arms. The smoke was so thick he could cut it. He staggered, trying to remember the buildings, streets he'd been down so many times, now shrouded in dark and light. He coughed, bending. Smoke acrid and tangible on his tongue. Tried to get his bearings. Listened.

“Eve? EVE! Where are you? Eve, honey, say something to me!”

“Kix? Kix? Please, is there anyone in this building? Fuck!” Vesper, shriller than he’s heard them before.

Griff’s voice, choked with smoke. “Don’t fucking do this to me, please! Delight? I know you’re there, I know it - Delight?”

A scream, piercing and broken. Caught in the careening smash of collapsing buildings and shearing metal.

The deep thrum of bellowing heat.

He pulled people out. Stepped forward blindly. Looked for gaps where the flames parted and faces, sometimes mirage and sometimes reality, twisted in anguish through the fire. Saw the community he worked so hard to build, twist and melt and deform. It was only so long that he could look. It wasn’t long enough. He stopped, off to the side. His eyes wept in the smoke, skin raw and damaged where he disregarded the heat, breath painful in his damaged throat. The fire was blinding to witness. It licked the top of the cavern, burning, burning. Survivors cried, huddled on the outskirts. Small groups of shaking people - old and young holding each other. He saw Lave and Halo working as a team, dragging one unconscious individual from the inferno. Vesper held a toddler in their arms, fed them water from a flask. Shale pulled burning cloth from a waving limb. Griff stumbled half delirious around the peripheral, yelling Delight’s name in a desperate shout over and over. He should have been here. How did it happen? How could everything be gone, ruined, just like that?

******

They came back after the fire had burned itself lower. Returned when the ground was molten embers and the crushed dark husks of buildings. The search took hours of labour. Survivors salvaged what they could from beneath the ashes. Keir went everywhere, tended to wounds, lifted beams to look for anything unmarred by the fire. Held people's hands as they trembled. Brought food, water, remaining possessions. He caught glimpses of Vesper as he worked, tirelessly carting items to the new location, stumbling with arms full through the narrow passages. Staggered, eventually, due to their exhaustion as well as the weight. Did it without complaint, accepted the additional items that Griff piled onto them without a word.

Not so distantly he can remember when they first arrived at Mouse Hole. He’d been pleased to see how they sought to help from the beginning. Stood aimlessly next to distrusting people and asked again and again for things they could do. Endured the tasks and lent a hand wherever they could. From the beginning, Keir had wanted to defend them. Rejected Griff’s suggestion to kill them for blithely discovering the community he worked hard to protect. His early affection for them surprised him. So he distanced himself - watched them mend clothes, carry firewood, fetch water - all from a safe distance, trying to keep his emotions in check. In a city like this one, it was best not to get too attached. He was never especially good at that.

******

How can you hold a funeral for so many at once? The survivors had found some bodies, places where crumbling bones and burnt flesh were identifiable amongst wood and stone. They’d set them aside carefully. Hope falling when looking under each broken wall revealed nothing but ash. Shale worked to count the remains, expression grim as those searching found fewer and fewer alive. Gathered the bones in cloaks and table cloths, fabric acting as impromptu burial shrouds. A few words were whispered over them. The list of those who were lost gradually grew as the search finished. So many were missing. Kix, Eve, Delight, Dee - all gone. Few had hope that those missing would turn up. Everyone was aware of the fact that the fire had alerted all of the market to their presence. The time they had to search was a few paltry hours, not days. Vesper was at Keir’s side like a shadow, helping wherever they could.

“Maybe some of them escaped, Keir,” they said to him, face frozen and stiff. “There’s so many ways out of Mouse Hole, right? They just haven’t been able to come back yet.”

He brushed a dark smear of soot away from the edge of their mask. “Yeah. Could be.”

He didn't tell them that in the chaos of that first night, while Griff and Halo tended to the wounded, he ran through those passageways himself. Desperation had hurried his feet. It hadn’t mattered that his eyes were blurry from tears and smoke. These paths were known to him. Teetered down them as a toddler, scampered with the slightness of adolescence, stepped through them with surety in adulthood. He’d found a few alive in those passageways that night. Half conscious from smoke inhalation, or weakened from their injuries. But no more than a few.

“This isn’t your fault. Don’t shoulder that.”

“If I hadn’t left, this… this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Think of how many good people were here. Shale, Griff, Halo - none of them could prevent it. You saved so many. There’s at least fifteen people that owe their lives to you, you did what you could, we all did -”

“But what about all the people I couldn’t get to? All the people who fucking burned?”

They flinched back, expression shaken. Looked at him with wide eyes.

“I don’t know.” Keir looks at the mess of everything. The dark soot that had spread up the stone walls. The crumpled outlines of homes. Black and tangled and broken.

“If I tell myself I could have stopped it, it means I could prevent it from happening again. That if I’m careful enough, proactive enough, this could never happen. Should never have happened. I don’t want to lose that. If it’s out of my control, if -”

“It won’t happen again. We’ll make sure of it. Eat cold food, start a fire squad, however we can, we’ll stop it. This can’t happen again.” They squeeze his hand. He squeezes back.

******

He’s always been rebuilding. This time was the hardest yet. There’s so little that they’ve been able to bring to the new cave over the past few days. Piles of cookware, a few scattered personal items. Each one a reminder of what and who they’ve lost. But the marketplace helped them here and there. Baskets and food and drink from those they’ve been able to assist. A sizable donation from Oleander allowed them to purchase wood to begin the scaffolding of houses. Keir slept where he could, the ground padded by his weariness. For days he focused on getting the rough shape of a structure, children and elderly separated from the cave with walls of hanging sheets. When it had begun to take shape, Halo made him and Vesper take a portion of the space, a tent-sized section on the edge of the camp with a lumpy pile of sacks as a mattress.

“Your connection with Oleander gave us a leg up. Take the bed. I won’t hear no for an answer, Keir.”

He didn’t bother arguing with Halo. If she pushed this hard for it, he’s sure she had Lave and Griff backing her too. He placed his stuff down by the flap in the fabric. Not much- a few ceramic items, a shard of Vesper’s glass decoration, soap that somehow didn’t melt. He’d come back later to sleep, probably. Maybe.

Building gave him something to do. Day in and day out for as long as he could stand. A purpose when the hopelessness and grief were overwhelming. Penance for his sin of leaving, his failure to prevent this. He’d always been one to focus on action. It was simpler to nail boards together until his hands buzzed with the force, dig into the soil and hammer in posts.

“You’re going to put a nail through your thumb if you don’t sleep for a little while.” Vesper’s voice, cautious, over his shoulder. “Griff has been standing around over there, I can get him to do it.”

“I’d like to see you try to get Griff to do anything.”

But he sat down. They were right. His eyes were blurry and he’d been swaying on his feet. It’s just that once he sits it all comes rushing back. It was easier to keep moving. He walked a few paces away and sank to the floor, leaning back against a box on the ground. Through closed eyes, he heard Vesper yell from the other side of one of the temporary structures.

“Griff, Keir doesn’t think you know how to use a hammer!”

Well, that’d get him going.

******

“Only one bed?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, looked into the tent, the narrow width of it, smaller than his outstretched arms. The floor was covered with burlap that might have held vegetables less than a week ago. Halo had been generous enough to stuff them with something - grass, maybe, or rags. A tattered quilt covered it. It’s better than he felt he deserves, with all of those outside who don’t have anything comfier than their packs or the soot-stained clothes they have on.

“Yeah, looks like it. I’d say that I could sleep on the floor but… the mattress is the floor.”

Vesper looked at it, looked up at him. They placed their hand on their hip. “Well? Do you toss or turn? Steal all the covers? Moan in your sleep or anything weird?”

“Nobody’s ever said I have.” He looked at them, smirked beneath his mask.“If you want to hear me moan, you’ll have to figure out a different way than watching me sleep.”

“Got it. I'll place some heavy objects in front of the tent when you’re not looking, get you to stub your toe in the morning.”

“Oh, you want to find a way to hear it, do you?” He’s caught them. Satisfaction prickled in his gut.

“Just want to see you do something as undignified as yelp, that’s all.”

He wondered if they moan. What they'd sound like if he went further than kissing them. Whether they’d get breathy and air would hiss through clenched teeth. Or maybe their voice would deepen, groaning when he touches them. He sat down on the kind-of-mattress with a long-suffering sigh. He's weary to the bone. He patted the bed next to him. “Get in. I gotta keep my eye on you so you don’t boobytrap the door.”

“Wow, I’m still a captive, even now. How much longer until I deserve freedom?!”

But they got in beside him, shed their cloak. Removed their gloves and placed them by their side. They lay under the same blanket with him. He could feel the warmth radiating from them. Warmth that reminded him of when he brought them to this same cave, seemingly a century ago. It was quiet. Awkwardly quiet. Their breath was steady and even. He stretched a little, put his hands behind his head. Spoke to break the silence.

“So… do you usually sleep with your mask on?”

“Normally I wear three or four to bed. Keeps my skin looking tight and youthful, you know. Resists gravity better that way.”

Quiet again. If he waits in the quiet, he usually gets a real answer from them.

“...it feels like a lot. Maybe it’s silly, with everything that’s going on. I shouldn’t worry about your reaction. But yeah, I’d like to keep it on for a little while longer.”

He nodded, though he’s certain in the dim lighting they don’t see it. “Sure. There’s no rush.”

They wiggled a little, trying to get comfortable. “It’s pretty chilly in here, don’t you think?”

It was hard to keep the smile out of his voice. “I’m freezing, myself.”

They inched closer, their hair tickling Keir’s ear. “I think we might have to huddle together. Make sure we conserve all of our energy.”

“Very practical.” But he opened his arms, pulled them closer. He could feel the heat of their shoulders beneath their clothes. They snuggled closer, resting their cheek where his shoulder meets his chest. Cradled in his arms. He held them like he’s wanted to do for a while. They made everything feel easier. Eased the guilt which lays crushing across his shoulders. He was glad that they’ve both decided to keep their masks on for now. It conceals the smile that cracks across his face like dawn breaking. As well as the kiss he presses to the top of their head, unnoticeable through the fabric.

*****

Everyone was exhausted. Worn thin from grief and the number of tasks. But Vesper seemed to be worse off than the others. Keir tried to find something nearby to work on, when he’s not needed elsewhere. More and more often he saw them start to pull apart. The way their motions stilled, the way they sat down too suddenly or found an excuse to step away. The subtle motion of their hands balling into fists as they tried to keep it together. He found them during one of these times, seated at the base of the cave wall. Trembling a little beneath their cloak.

“Peeling potatoes too much for you?”

They’re quick to brush aside his sympathy. They’d have to make do with teasing.

“Don’t look at me like that, Keir.”

He put his hands in his pockets, leaned against the wall next to them. Rolled out his shoulders, raised his hand to brush across the surface of his mask theatrically.

“Why do you think I was looking at you? Seems like there’s fascinating soup-making-action right over there.”

“Takes a little more than soup to impress you. Need at least a pot roast to capture your interest.” They were quiet for a moment, still recovering. “Because you’re always watching me. I can tell.”

They were right. He’s always aware of where they are lately. Felt their presence on the periphery of his vision. He couldn't baby them, there wasn't time for that. Couldn't hold their trembling hands in his, breathe with them. Put the pieces of them back together himself, like he wanted to.

He’d always said he couldn’t sacrifice a life for his own happiness. When it came down to it, he couldn’t bear to let Vesper do it either. There had to be a different way to save them. Something other than hurting innocents like Thorn.That doesn’t mean it didn’t feel fucking miserable. He and Vesper still hadn't really talked since the first time he showed them this cavern. When they laid the responsibility of their survival squarely on his shoulders. You’re too noble to sacrifice their life, but you’re pretty fucking cavalier with mine, huh? I guess I’m just not worth saving. He had to believe there’s a better way. Damning himself for pursuing his own moral code no matter the cost. There was time left. There had to be.

******

He had started to get used to it again, sleeping with someone. He could tell that Vesper is too. They’re less shy about it now. They’d move his arm off of them if it’s squishing them, throw their limbs across his waist or the spread of his thighs, complain if he’s laying on their hair. Both of them had grown a little bolder in other ways, as well. More cavalier about sliding their mask aside when they ate breakfast together in the tent or a late night snack of nuts or figs. At night, their sleepy arms rested, ever so casually, across his waist near the button of his pants. It was agonising. He was careful with them. Kept his fantasies as just that. Didn’t push for more, no matter how exciting it was to have them so close. It was one of those nights - Vesper’s head pillowed on his shoulder, his hand resting on the side of their head. They squirmed, shifting around.

“Does anyone in the camp know what you really look like?”

“Yeah. Halo does, she stitched up my eyebrow when I cracked it on a hanging pipe in the market. When I was younger and not quite as used to being tall.”

“Oh. So I could ask her what you look like? Get an unbiased perspective.”

“You didn’t believe me when I said I was devastatingly handsome? Anyways, asking Halo wouldn’t be fair, would it? There isn’t anyone that I can ask to find out more about your appearance.” He holds his breath. Hand flopped away from them, landed on the rough burlap. He flexed his fingers. “If you really want to know, I could just show you.”

“Fine. This lighting is flattering enough.”

His heart nearly stopped in his chest. He leaned away from them, craning his neck. He thought he’d grown out of sweaty palms and butterflies by now but Vesper always found ways to surprise him. “Alright then, if we’re really doing this. You want me to go first?”

“Let’s just get it over with. We can go at the same time.” They studied him, thinking for a moment. “We’ll take them off with our eyes closed and then open them on the count of three.” Their fingers hover at the bottom of their face. “But you can’t laugh, ok? Or kick me out. I’ve gotten used to sleeping here. I heard that Griff only has sand to sleep on in his tent. Who knows if the other sleeping arrangements even have that?”

“I’m pretty sure Griff just wanted you to feel bad for him. But I promise.”

They pulled apart from each other, sitting upright cross legged on the floor. Keir’s hands trembled a little as he gripped the edge of the material. Vesper heaves a heavy breath and says “Ok then. Close your eyes. I’m taking it off.”

He did so dutifully, eyes pressed shut. Cycled through, for a moment, all the different appearances he’d imagined them to have. Threw in a few unlikely ones quickly just to try and prevent any surprise that might show on his face. He pulled off his mask. He knew that his ears were redder than his hair. At least they’ve already seen that.

“Ready? One, two, three.”

His eyes blinked open and he stared at them. Their expression, nervous and eager. The shape of their brow and how it smoothes into the curve of their nose. Their eyes, bright even in the dim lighting, that fixed him with their complete attention. The same lips that he’s kissed but never seen. The soft give of their cheek.

“Holy shit.” He breathed out, gazing at them. “Why do you look like that?”

They frowned at him, aghast. That same expression that he’d been able to discern through their body language now has more potency. “Like what?”

“How are you so hot? You’re telling me there wasn’t any rich suitor who wanted to snap you up topside? You’ve just been looking like that this whole time? This whole time we’ve been together, ever since we met, you’ve been walking around with that face under there?” He slid his hand over his eyes. It didn’t feel as satisfying to do without his mask on.

“Keir!” For once, they’re at a loss for words.

He grinned at them. Damn. This was way more embarrassing when they could see him completely. “Do I meet your expectations?”

Vesper rolled their eyes at him. Their face was delightfully expressive. He’d know what to picture now when he sees those same mannerisms beneath their mask. “Yeah. You do. More than, even.”

“Told you I was handsome.”

They raised their hand to his face. Their fingers were gentle. Thumb made a small circle on the jaunt of his cheekbone. “I’m glad I didn’t punch you before. You’re too pretty to bruise.”

“Hasn’t stopped people before.”

“Is this where Halo stitched you up?” Their hand traced the line of his eyebrow.

“Yeah. She did a good job.”

Their other palm came up to cup the side of his jaw. Held him with a delicateness he hadn’t felt before. The same way he held them. His hands raised to circle their waist as they hovered in front of him. Their lips dropped, feather-light, to brush against the scar. Paused there, pressed against him. With a groan, he pulled them down, pressing his lips against theirs. Kissed them like he wanted to before, without the burden of hiding their face from him. Held their head in his hands, fingers tangling in the fine hairs at the back of their neck. Enjoyed the wet slide of their mouth against his. Let out the soft sounds that he normally tries to hold back.

“So that’s what you sound like.” Their voice was incredibly smug. And, after he cracked his eyes open, he learned their expression matched it.

“Hey, you’re a good kisser. Don’t deny me one of the simple pleasures in this life.”

“Makes me want to hear more.” Fuck. They’d be the end of him yet.

They slunk down, settled by his knees. Fingers hovered at the button of his pants, a question on their face. What a crime it was, that their face has to be hidden all the time. What a gift it was, that they’d share it with him. He nodded at them, heart hammering. He was throbbing already, achingly hard. He wasn’t sure how far this would go, tonight or ever, but he’d gladly accept whatever they’d give him. They eased off his pants, sliding them down along with his underwear. Sat back for a second and took him all in. He burned under their eyes, flushing everywhere.

“Huh. Guess the freckles really do stop somewhere.”

He spluttered, caught off guard. “What, you think I’d lie about that?”

“You never know. I had to check for myself.” They leaned forwards, wrapped their fingers around his length. Rolled him in their palm. Pressed one thumb over his beading tip. He stifled a choked gasp, hips stuttering up towards them. They leaned forwards, taking the end of him in their mouth. Lowered him into that burning heat. He could feel the flutter of their tongue beneath him. His hand fell to the top of their head. They slid him deeper, working him with their throat. Fell into a steady rhythm, waves of pleasure that built higher. Their hand found his where it fisted on the blankets. Held it as they bobbed their head. His hips strained, lifting towards them. Towards that aching, twisting friction. They brought him over the top. Swallowed him down as he came. When he reaches for their clothes, they stop his searching hands. Satisfaction was clear in their scratchy voice.

“You’ll have to wait to find out what I sound like.”

******

He brought them things to work on when they’re recovering from their bouts of illness. Socks to mend and wood to carve accompany soup and crusty bread. Their energy had flagged. Some days were better than others. But some days were just like this one. Stuck in bed for most of the day. He knew that having something to focus on helps them. Helped them keep their pride, helped distract them from it. But even outside of that, Vesper had become the best at darning out of the group. So it wasn’t paternalism that motivated him to bring them things to do. There was an ever growing pile of socks, ripped knees, and busted seams for them to weave back together. They’d lost so many tradespeople in the fire. All everyone could do was try their best to fill in the gaps.

They were sitting up in bed, leaning against a bag. “Been a minute since I’ve checked in with everyone. Any news on the ichor?”

He stopped in the doorway, soup steaming in his hand. “No, not that I’ve been able to find. Those who can still run missions check every stall they pass by. Our informants know, too. They’d tell us if there was anything that they’ve heard of. I’ve been reaching out to contacts of contacts just to make sure there isn’t anyone I've missed. As soon as any ichor enters the marketplace, we’d know.”

“I’m just waiting, then? Hoping that chance will deign to keep me alive?”

He sighed, leans over and sets the soup next to them. “I’m not going to create it. Or find someone who would. All we can do is wait until some that already exists makes it down here.”

They stared, gaze fixed at the door of the tent. Frozen still. Spoke so quietly he almost didn’t hear them. “Where’s Thorn?”

Keir looked at them incredulously. “He’s healed, Vesper. Healed and safe. Not turning into ichor anymore, if that’s what you’re asking. In fact, all of it’s disappeared. Absorbed back into his system or wherever the hell it goes.”

They were icy. Avoided his eyes. “I was only asking.”

He scoffed, shocked. “I’m sure you were. But I’ll be careful not to mention him again, just in case you get it in your head to try something.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll just sit here, keep waiting. Being patient until I die of it.”

He kneeled down before them. Tried to intersect the static line of their eyes with his. “I’m doing everything I can. You know that. Everyone else is too. All the people here care for you. But even cases like Thorn’s are rare. Ichor doesn’t come through the market often, regardless of if it’s in a vial or a person.”

Finally, they met his eyes. There were tears there, watering, at the edge of their lash line. “I’m sorry,” they say brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, it’s ok. It’ll be ok.”

******

Keir pressed his face into their skin, the scent of pine made more resinous and heady from their warmth. Held himself over the fragileness of their spine, the broadness of his back shielding them. Slipped kisses into the curve where their neck meets their shoulder. Pressed into the hot tension within them, sank deeper. Gripped their thrumming skin and used the sturdiness of them as leverage. Set a slow tempo, listened to the choked gasps they made when he hit his mark. Tenderness, always, in the way that he pulled pleasure from them, spinning upwards. Their breath was humid and gasping in his ear. His hand beneath their hips, rubbed insistent circles against them until the malleable give of them stretched taut as a wire. Chased his own release after, friction spooling desire white-hot in his groin, cascaded over in a clenching moan. Freed them from the sweaty enclosure of his arms.

“I needed that.” They rolled over and curled into the covers. “Makes me forget everything.”

Keir scoffs, fake outrage colouring his tone. Disguising the crack in his voice as offence. “Oh?I'm not a memorable lay?”

They hummed, too fucked-out to really argue. “Guess you’ll just have to work harder next time.”

He tried, shoved those thoughts that cloud them away with the warmth of his mouth, heavy hands that grounded them and centred, tongue that pulled pretty sounds from them until their thoughts were too scattered to worry. Helped them to ignore their slow and relentless shattering. Held them until they forgot while he focused on remembering. Kept each new experience in his mind the best he could until time muddled them into memories, blurry and fragmented.

******

They’ve been so tired lately. Every day they tumbled out of bed and did chores with wooden limbs. Everyone had to do their share. Vesper couldn't anymore but even Griff didn’t push it. It’s clear how much they cared about contributing when they could. And it was clear how much it cost them. Their steps were sloppy with exhaustion after only a few hours. People brought them tasks they could do sitting down as much as possible. But still, they pushed themselves, helped to dig new passageways, shovelled the moist soil away.

The only missions outside lately were those that depend on speed - stealing supplies like cloth and bedding and sprinting away with them. Keir went out a lot, though he loathed leaving Vesper behind. Even those uninjured by the accident had lungs damaged by smoke and heat. He was fast, and more importantly - reliable. So he made countless trips in and out, until his legs ached and sweat lay stiff and dry on his skin. There was an added benefit, too. Sneaking around the marketplace allowed him to access the ever-changing web of gossip throughout the city. When he’s home with Vesper, their deterioration was clear, right before him. It motivated him to spend more time away searching for a cure.

If there’s lunar ichor down here, Keir’s almost certain it’d go through the auction. With as rare and valuable it is, trades are either done for a tremendous amount of money or in backroom deals that he doubts even Oleander had access to. He spent a lot of time around the auction house. Well, as close as he could go. He picked up a new mask on one of his trips for good measure. Too many people around here knew what he looked like. Hey, his height and flowing red locks were only a benefit most of the time. He tried to go at different times of day, wearing new outfits. Or at least with the clothes layered differently. Made it a little less obvious that he’s casing the joint. He’d always thought about how to get in. Seemed like the final feather in his cap. He and Griff used to spend hours debating different possible strategies. Hiding in through some expensive chest, pickpocketing the goods right under the nose of the guards; or maybe lighting the building on fire and taking things during the chaos. That one in particular didn’t seem like an option anymore. But he wasn’t only daydreaming about it as the scene of a heist. Now he had a goal. Didn't make it any easier to figure out a solution. He’s studied the deep, crimson walls more times than he could count. The guards are catching on. One called out to him where he stood, pretending to browse the necklaces.

“You there. I’ve seen you around here before. Just a few mornings ago, and again the night before that. Haven’t seen you buy anything.”

Keir gave the guard a cocky bow. “Oh, you’ve found me particularly memorable, then? Something particular about my appearance that caught your fancy?”

“Don’t try that with me. This isn’t the place for browsing. Either you have the money to buy, or you shouldn’t be here.”

“Judging me by my looks, eh? True wealth comes less from fine clothes and more from knowing how to live richly.” He’s stalling - and by the looks of it, not well. “I’ve purchased plenty of fine items from within these ruby walls. Guess your attention isn’t as sharp as you believe it to be.”

“My attention’s plenty sharp.” The guard started for him, stride purposeful.

Keir made a break for it. It wasn't his finest escape by any means. There’s a brief scuffle where his arm gets snagged by one grasping fist and he had to wrench free, tearing the muscles of his shoulder in the process. Once he escaped the chase through a few narrow passages he took stock of the situation. His shoulder is definitely worse for wear. It ached, tight and burning, as he swung it around a little. There’s something wet on his shirt, too. Maybe he was a little more beat up than he first thought. A narrow gash had torn through his shirt at the rib, the blade leaving a thin cut. He took a roundabout route home. He guessed he could call it that. Home. It felt more like home now that buildings are starting to take shape. Especially since Vesper was waiting for him in one of them.

******

Lave caught him as he tried to sneak back into camp quietly. He’s brought a few sacks of flour for good measure. The reason he was coming back so late, of course. He’d almost gotten back to his tent when she stopped him.

“What took you so long?” Her voice was quiet but sharp. People were sleeping.

“Just made an extra stop. One of our connections had a small donation for me.”

“Yeah, and they tried to stab you?” Lave took a step back, really looked at him. Examined him. Her voice raised. “It’s the fucking auction, isn’t it? What the hell, Keir. We need you here. What good is it going to do? You and I both know there’s no ichor at the auction house. Everyone’s looking for it already. I thought you were smarter than this. And lying to me?”

“Lave - they’re getting worse by the day. You and I can both see it. How am I going to steal the ichor if I’m not prepared? Every second counts. If I wait to form a plan once it shows up, it’ll be gone before I can get to it!” His voice quieted to a hushed murmur. There’s rustling coming from inside his tent. “What would you have me do, huh? Sit back and wait until they’re dead and gone?”

She softened a little. “There are other people here who are sick, with cures that are far more easily found. There are children that are hungry. Few of us are well enough to take care of those who need it. You need to shift your priorities. Even though that sucks.”

“I thought we were on the same page. You said you’d help me, that you’d look too.”

“Things are different now. I’m helping where I can but my focus is here. With the community we’ve built.”

He straightened his shoulders. Turned away from her. Let the hurt he felt show like frost on the ground. “I apologise for not doing my share. I’ll work harder so that my side project doesn’t impact the group.”

“You know I didn’t mean that, Keir. I’ll talk to some of my contacts again, see if they know anything else about the auction that we overlooked…”

He shrugged. Headed into the tent. If it had to be only his responsibility, he’d bear it. Truthfully, though he’s thankful for any help, it wouldn’t feel right if he wasn’t doing the most out of anyone. How could he be sure that nothing is overlooked, that there isn’t some detail that could help them? He wondered then, if the ichor would heal them back to true health. Fill in the cracks of their soul like molten gold. Or whether they'd be stuck like this, a third of the way from death, and the ichor would only stop it from progressing. Vesper was where he had left them in bed. He slid in under the covers behind them. Their skin was warm and silk-like from sleep. He rests his hand on their waist, their shirt riding up slightly. Holds them. He’s all they have. First their death sentence and hopefully their cure.

*****

Lately, they only come out of the tent for a few hours. Help babysit one of the children for an hour, use the latrine. He goes straight to the tent whenever he returns. Knew the odds are good that he’d find them there. They were sitting up but their shoulders were hunched forwards. Deep bags lay under their eyes. Chapped lips twisted to the side as he appeared.

“Is there anything I can do to help? I could be the look-out again, or a distraction.”

“And get yourself killed even earlier? I'm trying to save your life, not end it tomorrow.”

“At least it would be on my terms, then. Here I'm like a prisoner waiting for the gallows.” Wearily, they flopped back into bed. Set down the socks they were mending. “I hesitated too much, didn't I? Took too long to come down here, didn't search hard enough for the ichor while I still had my strength.”

“Even if you came down earlier, it would have been tough to find any. But I’ve been looking around the auction. I think I’ve found a weak point in the roof. I’ve been memorising the schedule of the guards too. Learning what they like, which ones of them leave to piss all the time, which ones of them show up wasted. I think there will be a chance -”

“There’s no ichor there though, right? Nothing actually being sold?”

“...No. I’m working on it, planning, making sure I’m ready when it arrives -”

“The roof, though? You expect that to work? Once was already lucky, the guards have caught on to that. I don’t know. I don’t want my situation to result in both of our deaths. Can’t you try something else? Talk to Oleander. Get information from Thorn. Who knows.” Their voice, once sure, wavered. It seemed like they never have quite enough air in them these days. Like a sentence was a marathon they had to push through to finish.

“I’ll visit Oleander again. Remind him of how important this is. Make sure he’s taking it seriously.”

*****

Keir hasn’t made a habit of visiting Oleander, but it was easy enough to find his way to his apartment. He can smell it before he arrives - thick perfume wafting under the door and beneath his mask. He raised his fist to the ornate door and banged loudly. Oleander pulled it open halfway, clearly taken by surprise. He stands in the doorway, shirt unbuttoned to his waist and holding a damp cloth in his hand, mask slightly askew.

“Keir. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Keir shouldered his way into the room, impatient. Paced in the light of glittering lamps from the walls of the room, steps muffled on the plush carpet. “There’s no news about the ichor? You haven’t heard anything?”

“You know that I’d inform you as soon as I knew. What’s influencing you? You’ve been so desperate to talk to me lately, it’s almost like you miss me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. It’s them - Vesper. They’re sick. Getting sicker by the day. Fractum Amina. I don’t think they have much time. I’m looking everywhere for ichor, I’m not sure it’s out there, if they’ll survive it until I find it -”

“The last time I saw any was half a year ago. It’s exceptionally rare, even here.”

“I know that, but there has to be something more I can do, somewhere I can look, someone who knows something, I’m losing them, they’re dying -”

“Don’t lay roses on a grave that doesn’t exist. They have a spark, a fight to them. They’ll keep holding on, especially with your encouragement.”

Keir’s voice rushed out of him. Shot words like darts at Oleander. “I can’t help it. I look at them and it's like I've already lost them. When I hear their voice I try to remember it as best I can. I archive bits and pieces of them; their laugh, the way they like their porridge, the songs their mother sang to them growing up. I feed them my favourite dishes for the first time, try to not think about how it might be the only time. What if I forget? What if I don't get the chance to learn everything they are? I'll be grieving them longer than I've known them. Grieving them now, before they're even gone. They're a ghost that I'm trying to hold fast to. And maybe if they hadn't met me, they’d already be healed. I stopped them, Oleander. We saved someone halfway to ichor and I couldn't fucking do it. Couldn’t let them do it. Had to tell them the truth about what ichor was. I love them. It’s not enough - it won't save them. It doesn't matter that I love them. Maybe I should have let them choose. Maybe I should look the other way!”

By the end of it he's shouting, eyes brimming with tears. Words an accusation towards himself, towards the harshness of the world that would take Vesper from him. “I’m begging, Oleander. You've never taken me seriously, please, for once in your life -”

He holds his arms open and Keir falls into them. Holds him and cries. Buries his face into his shoulder.

Oleander’s voice steadied him. “I will do everything in my power to find the ichor, you have my word. I can’t bear to see you like this. It’s heartbreaking.”

*****

News didn’t come. A whole network of people searching for something that doesn’t exist. An impressive spiderweb that stretched hungry, broader, broader in a sealed room. Keir prepared himself as best he could. Found a few fifteen minute intervals where the auction guard occasionally ran late. Identified how goods came into the guarded buildings in case he could steal them before they even entered those ruby walls. Prepared other plans, too. He hated to admit it, but he kept his ears open for other prisoners being turned to ichor. Spoke with Thorn about how it had happened. He said there hadn’t been any other prisoners like him. Keir wasn’t certain at this point what he’d do if he found one. Wasn’t sure there was any other way than finding someone as they transformed. It’s different when it’s someone who has no choice. He figured that one out on his own. Well, it was starting to look like creating ichor might be the only way Vesper could live. They had no choice. Let the celestial gods help him if it ever came to that.

*****

Vesper laid next to him, laced their fingers loosely though his. Both on their backs, looking up at the distant roof of the cave. The soft light of glow worms made it so he could just make out their profile against the cloth wall. There wasn't much sound except the distant murmur of conversation from across the cavern, and air sighing softly where it blew over stone openings. Their hands were cold. They shivered more often than not. When they finally spoke, it was in a near whisper.

“I've decided I'm not going to write a will. Not much to leave behind, really.”

“No secret diamonds and rubies that you have to give away? Maybe a castle you forgot to mention?”

“I've already given my castle and unicorns to charities above the surface. What do you take me for, a misanthrope?”

His voice was gentle. “That's unfortunate. This whole time I figured you'd been holding out on me. I was keeping you around because I thought I could get my hands on some treasure.”

That earned him a laugh. He’d never get tired of hearing it. Held each one close to his chest. “That's what I'm talking about! Classic thief mentality.” They rolled, cold hand still in his, to face him. “I’m the treasure. That's why you stole me away”.

“In my line of work you get pretty good at recognizing something valuable as soon as you see it.” He paused, serious for a moment. There’s no use in telling them he’s trying to save them. They both knew it. Knew that there’s been no progress. “But no last rites? A ceremony or anything that would be important to you?”

They’re contemplative. “I’ve been thinking about what you told me earlier, around when we rescued Thorn. Bones in your house. I like the idea. Turn me into glue or whatever. Keep me here with you.”

He allowed himself to imagine it. How he’d rest his head next to a door they'd never walk through, a home they were part of despite it, blended with wood and blue paint, whisper words into the wall like he’d been doing for years but this time so different - I'm home, sweetheart. I'm home.

“Yeah. I can do that.”

[tomshelbystitsfics]

Untitled Fic.

Eventual!Carmen x Reader

(this is just the beginning for the fic. its storyline/plot building. also the reader is midsize. not skinny but not plus. in the middle)

(im posting this its the beginning to a fic im writing & i just wanted to post this lil excerpt. hoping to get some feedback & see what people think! please, let it rip:)

Home. Home? What did that word mean to you? It was a noisy, dirty, yet charming city. An old house, at least sixty years old. Paint now peeling, gutters full of old leaves and shit. Home, a minute's walk across the road. Inside a warm dish of delicious food awaits. Michael hands you that first plate. There it was, the moment of truth. Determining if you were friend or foe. Not really though, just testing to see if you were a narc. (Later you would argue with Mikey that his logic made no sense whatsoever.)

You found a home in the dysfunctional, crazy ass Berzatto family. They quickly accepted you as one of their own. Having been Carmy’s best (and only) friend. Always so polite and sweet. Until Mikey or Richie pissed you off. They were always picking on you and Carmy. And sometimes they pushed hard enough to set you off. That is exactly why you’re all in this situation now.

“Fucking A. You ain’t gotta hit me that hard asshole! Seriously, it was just a fucking joke man! Lighten the FUCK UP!” Richie yelled. You sat across the island from him. Mikey was digging through the freezer. He was trying to find something to ice Richie’s face. You had given the bastard a black eye and a bloody fucking nose. Mikey was more than impressed. So was Richie, but he wouldn’t be telling you that any fucking time soon.

“I’m sorry Rick,” he scowled as you called him that. “I tried to warn ya that you went too far, but no, you just had to go there.” He just stared at you, deadpan. You sucked in a breath, cheeks puffed out. Head in your hands you let out the breath. Standing up and making your way in front of the man. A hand extended out, an olive branch.

Scoffing he smacked the hand away. Your chest tightened, Richie was basically your older brother. His rejection hurt, a fucking lot in fact. Not wanting him to see the tears starting to well up, you start to turn away. That is when you feel it. Two long, solid arms wrap around you. Twisting around, you rest your chin on his shoulder and grasp the back of his old ass hoodie tight. Fingers clenching the fabric.

“It’s all good Doll. I still love ya. Even if you broke my goddamn nose.” Richie held you, then after a beat, “I mean shit. My cheekbone feels like a grown man split it, kid.” The tender moment was over for now. Richie is trying to make a joke out of it. You smirk, shoving him by the shoulders into his previous seat.

“ ‘S what ya get asswipe! Quit fucking with her when she says. It’s called ‘boundaries’ cousin? Ever heard of the concept?” Mikey slapped a steak on his eye. The other man groaned.

“FUCK SAKES MIKEY! Please, could ya be a little more considerate or some shit? I already got rocked. Don’t need a worse fucking bruise.” Mumbling as he pushed Mikey’s hand away, holding the slab of meat.

“I am not eating that shit later Mikey, no fucking shot.” Giggling, you give the man a kiss on the cheek. “What’s for dinner anyways?” The dark haired man seemed to think for a moment, then said something similar to what landed Richie his shiner and fucked nose.

“Ask Carmy, I’m sure he has a few ideas for what he wants.” Wagging his eyebrows at you. The smirk was audible. Mikey seemed to be proud of himself for the quip.

“Y-You…motherfucker.. I swear I’ll end you, Berzatto. YOU BITCH, C’MERE.” You took off around the island to where he stood in front of the kitchen sink. Richie was screaming and crawling up onto the counter, “ You two fucks better watch out for me. My shit’s busted enough. Get the fuck outta here!”

The memories of Mikey and the family keep swirling through your head as you stand in front of the funeral home. It had been a year since you physically saw any of the Berzatto clan. Too many years since seeing your best friend. Carmen Anthony Berzatto. A name you desperately wanted to forget. The name felt hollow to say, a distant memory. A smoke show that never existed except only in the dark recesses of your mind. Brought up when you wish to torture yourself even more than usual.

Drinking in the cold Chicago air, you begin the trek up the stairs. One measly step at a time. Hoping to calm your racing heart. It felt like the organ was lodged in your throat, bound to come up in a grisly mess at any second. The walk into the foreboding building felt like it took light years and seconds all at once. Standing before the doors, hand hovering over the knob. Psyching yourself up you finally grasp the knob and starting to pull and-

“Fucking Christ! This is fucking insane.” A familiar voice barks out. The door was quickly and haphazardly thrown open. PANG! Jumping back it only caught your arm a bit. The pain was nice and a needed distraction.

“Oh shit, I am so sorry, I-I didn’t realize anyone…” a small gasp of surprise and a tearful chuckle. Then a slow shaky intake of air, “Doll, is-is that you? Or am I just fucking nuts?” Desperation paints his tone. His words crack and waver with emotion, no, sadness and grief. And a bit of hope.

“Hey cousin, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Your voice was thick with the tears ready to be shed. Before you know you’re shoved into his warm chest. All you smell is stale cigarettes, and his woodsy, Ed Hardy cologne. The aroma of smoke, along with bergamot and amber soothes you. There was a time you despised this fucking scent. It was always too strong and pungent. Telling Richie he smelt like a hooker, wanting to piss him off.

“At least one of us is shaking ass and making some cash Doll.” SMACK! Richie shook his hips at you.

“You made it inside yet? ‘Course not, fuck. I-I’m sorry Doll, my brain is fucking lost. I-I don’t have a goddamn clue about what’s going on.” Apologizing and rubbing his nose roughly.

“Can’t lose something you never had Rick.” You smirk, jabbing him in his ribs.

“Hardy har. You got fucking jokes, eh? Nice, real nice…Shit.” Richie let out a loud sigh and looked at his feet, “Don’t call me fucking Rick man. Shit wasn’t cool when you were a kid, sure as shit ain’t cool now pip squeak.” He smacked you lightly on the back of your head. Reaching into his coat he grabs a cigarette, and swings the pack towards you. You quit smoking, a year ago. But, fuck it.

It is a funeral after all. Might as well take the edge off somehow. Being sober was fucking awful at times. You both finished the cigarettes in silence. After stubbing the cherry out, you gestured to the door.

“Think we should, uh, ya know?”

Richie swallowed his nerves and gave a single nod. The man had a hold of the handle before you could even think about it. Walking into one of the absolute worst possible moments of your entire fucking life.

[turbulentscrawl]

Identity(V) Headcanons: Norton Campbell

I'm starting off the writing blog with some of these character analysis-esque headcanons! (Starting with Norton bc he's honestly the reason I made this blog.) They'll serve both as practice for me, and examples for any readers on how I write different characters.

Again, I am new to the IDV fandom, and I have never played the game. These headcanons are informed by ongoing lore dives sourcing the wiki, japanese twitter responses, comics, stageplay, and more! Some of these may relate to or even contradict character backstory, and some of them are just pure vibes for me. If you like it, consider shooting a request ;)

-Norton had always been a moodier guy, but the mining accident (and the lack of mental and emotional support he received after it) resulted in a much more obvious split of his temperaments. Without trying to put a name to something I’m no expert in, Norton has two distinct personality states which are both aware of and inform one another. The First is the more common state, wherein he is more level-headed, but prone to melancholy and isolation. His melancholy tends to be more intense after an episode with his Second state, wherein he is very likely to exhibit anger, mania, and cynicism. Likewise, his Second state tends to be more critical when he’s been uneventfully mellow for a good while. He tries his best to balance and regulate the two, but this particular emotional roller coaster is one he never had any say in getting on and has never had any assistance getting off.

-The First state typically lasts longer than the Second, sometimes stretching several days at a time. During the First, he’s at his most amicable and chatty. This is the best time to get to know him as a person.

-When in his Second state, which is usually triggered by something that reminds him of the accident, it’s better to give him a wide berth. Even in the case of a friend or partner who has thick skin and handles harshness well, Norton can become hypercritical of himself for being cruel to them.

-His mother died in childbirth, leaving Norton with only his father, who also worked himself to an early grave. Norton had to start working immediately to keep himself fed (and sometimes didn’t even manage that) so he has next to no education. He does not read or write especially well. He is also not particularly tech savvy and struggles with new concepts. That said, he's never been one to back down from a chance to improve himself, difficult or otherwise.

-Norton was mostly genuine in his visits to the elderly and sick. Many of them were other miners and laborers who helped him find his footing after his dad died. Their help may not have amounted to much in the long run, but they didn’t just look the other way and he understood the loneliness they felt on their deathbeds.

-The one exception to this was Benny, who Norton had also once looked upon in an appreciative light…until he learned how to read. It was then that he scoured his father’s old letters and discovered an infuriating truth: after the birth of Norton and the death of his mother, his father had been about to leave the mining industry. Benny was the one who convinced him to stick around and join the obsessive hunt for gold. It was through a mix of spite and desperation that Norton decided to swindle Benny out of his maps and take the chance at riches for himself.

-Norton does not talk about the mining accident. At all. Not even if he’s paid. Part of it is self-preservation—since he IS the one who stole and illegally ignited the explosives. The other part is that he is well and truly wrecked with guilt. Norton did not get along with most of his coworkers in those final days, was bullied and harassed by them, but he wanted to get ahead of them, not kill them.

-Because he’s been self-reliant from such a young age, he’s naturally distrustful of other people. He has trouble accepting people at face value and often rejects compliments, and other words of affection. He’s the embodiment of “actions speak louder than words.” In general, if someone wants to get closer to Norton they have to put their money (and their labor) where their mouth is and show a lot of patience. Any genuine relationship with Norton is hard-won.

-In line with the above, the best love language to give Norton is Acts of Service. Physical Affection would also work well once you reach a certain threshold in his trust. Gift-Giving is a decent third, but you would need to tread lightly here, lest he start to see the budding relationship as purely transactional. Holidays and birthdays are the best time to really go in on gifts for Norton, since he has a harder time arguing bribery with culturally dictated gifts.

-He genuinely does not find himself to be attractive. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s insecure, as he really doesn’t think about it much, but he’s least likely to accept compliments about his appearance. The burn scars certainly don’t help. If you do compliment his appearance, it’s better not to mention the scars at all than to try and make him feel better about them.

-He wholly, genuinely, hates the rich. Which is obvious enough, I suppose, but I think it’s more extreme than people give him credit for. And really it just comes down to unadulterated jealousy and bitterness, which are not easy feelings to overcome.

-Norton is of the opinion that all life is equal—and when he’s at his most cynical, this means he’s willing to take the balance of “an eye for an eye” into his own hands.

-His sweet tooth is limited to donuts and a few other carb-y baked goods. He prefers savory flavors, or sometimes bitter, such as in the case of his black coffee. He doesn’t eat as much as you might expect for his size, but he always eats quickly, and hunched over his food like it’ll be taken away. Old habits die hard.

-He has a terrible sleep schedule, due in part to frequent nightmares about the accident. He’s also somewhat claustrophobic and dislikes pitch-black spaces, so a window is a must in his bedroom. He prefers to have it open whenever reasonable.

-He doesn’t do well with thunderstorms, as the rumbles of thunder sound too much like the beginnings of a cave-in.

-If he has one singular strength, it’s perseverance. Hardships don’t deter him because he’s seen and overcome plenty. He’s a loyal friend as well, once completely won over. If he cares for you, you’ll never have to tackle a hurdle alone.