#sometimes being mean is blocking and deleting their comments after telling them what a piece of shit they are | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc · 4 years ago

Text

One more time

Summary: Alex regrets ever saying yes. All he wants is a second chance.

Trigger warning: Mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, swearing, angst

Author's note: my first piece off hiatus !! - you're a twitch streamer in this fic but it won't come up too much :) hope u like it <3

Based on: Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS

you sigh. your ex-boyfriend called again. you've been ignoring your phone for 5 minutes now. was he really this desperate?

you pick up your phone and slide the green button.

"what do you want, alex?"

"___, you picked up!"

he sounded extremely relieved, like he needs you to breathe.

"i did, now what do you want?"

alex sighed and leaned on a wall in his bedroom.

"can i come over? there's some stuff i still need to pick up."

you suck in a breath sharply. the air is thick and tense.

"no."

you clench the phone you were holding and bit your lip.

"i don't want to see you right now."

alex closed his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.

"i understand, you need time."

there was silence for a moment. neither of you wanted to say anything.

"if you want to come over that bad you can get your things tomorrow morning."

"sounds good. i'll be there around 11, okay?"

"fine."

"good-"

you ended the call.

"-bye..."

alex let his arm drop beside him. his eyes were watering, but he wiped it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

it's his fault, he knew. but why is he still so upset? he shouldn't feel like this - it's is his own doing, after all.

you open the door to your home. alex was standing on the porch with a few empty bags in hand. the morning sun blinded you slightly, making you squint at the man in front of you.

"hi ___."

"hello, alex. all your belongings are on the couch.

"great, thank you."

he looks over as he's folding a shirt.

"what are you looking at?"

you say without looking away from your laptop.

his face was getting red slightly from embarrassment.

"nothing, you seem busy."

alex directed his eyes back to the clothes in front of him.

"otherwise you would've said something about me."

alex snickered slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

you sigh, holding your face in one of your hands.

don't say it. ___, keep it in. there's no point in fighting him. ___-

"if i wanted to make a comment it'd be about the fact you can't keep your dick in your pants."

god damn it, why did you do that?

he fell quiet. you hated his guts, but even you felt kind of bad for being so blunt with it.

a part of you still loved him. his loud, yet charming laugh. his sweet kisses. his adorable clinginess. his blushing face when you teased him.

you shake your head, trying to physically get rid of your pity for him. he doesn't love you anymore. he shouldn't, and neither should you.

after filling the bags with alex's belongings he stood up and wiped his forehead. you waver from your work and look him up and down.

"you done?"

you asked him. he turned around and gave you a weak smile.

"yeah, i think so."

"good, you know the way out."

you turn back to your computer.

"___, wait. can i ask you something?"

you make eye contact with him, fully aware it makes him nervous.

"what do you want?"

alex took a quick breath.

"can we talk sometime?"

you look at him like he spoke an alien tongue.

"why the hell would i?"

"i want to talk about what happened between us. i hate that our relationship is so sour."

he set a step forward.

"i just want this to end peaceful - or at least neutral."

"why the fuck would i want to be peaceful with you of all people?"

"i hate ending things on the wrong foot, you know that."

alex stands his ground, making you livid.

"then we make up, and then what? you'll just break my heart again!"

you stand up, simultaneously pushing the chair away with your legs.

"then i can lay awake and think about why i even let you inside my house again in the first place?!"

if looks could kill, alex would be on the floor.

"fine. if you don't want to, then i guess everything will just stay the way it is."

alex turned around and grabbed his bags. there's no way he's getting through to you right now.

"oh, so now it's my fault?"

you slam your laptop and walk away from the table.

"well, i'm so sorry for being angry at you for cheating on me!"

you don't hold your anger in anymore, he crossed the line.

"i never said that, ___!"

alex yelled to match your energy.

you took a step back. the audacity to yell at you in your house.

"out. now."

alex grabbed the second bag of clothes and without a word walked to the front door.

"goodbye, ___."

alex pushes the door open and steps outside. you go after him but stop at the doorstep.

"fuck you!" you sob out. you grab the doorknob and slam the door shut.

your knees slowly got weaker and you sit against the front door, shutting your eyes.

it's been a month since you've seen alex. you've blocked him on everything since then.

you were doing a q&a on your twitch channel and everything was going well. chat was filled with questions and you answered the one's you could.

your thoughts were somewhere else, though.

you still miss him, you really did. alex used to watch your streams all the time. he sent you donations with cheesy pick-up lines, he called you during streams to make fun of you for dying in a game or just to chat while he's bored.

but that didn't happen anymore.

you realize you haven't said anything in a while and you apologize. your chat was spamming purple hearts and 'are you okay?'

"ah, sorry everyone, i'm still tired from yesterday. i think i'm going to end the stream for today, thank you all for coming!"

after saying goodbye you turn off your computer.

why are you still so obsessed over him?! he cheated on you! he even tried to cover it up with a bullshit story about "not being the first to kiss her," and "she forced me to," like someone would believe a lie like that.

yet, you still love him. something inside you wants to believe him, like he really was telling the truth.

the next morning you open twitter and scroll for a bit. you made a tweet earlier in which you stated you weren't going to stream today.

you looked at the trending topics and saw your name in bold letters. you clicked on it and read the first tweet that popped up.

'i really hope ___ is doing better, they looked so sad on stream :('

an image was attached to it - a screenshot from the stream you did yesterday where you were mindlessly staring at your computer screen.

you sighed. at least they're not thinking too deep about this.

you scroll further down, replying and liking a couple tweets saying you were alright, thanking them or cracking a joke. this should keep them off your back for a while.

after scrolling for a bit one tweet catches your eye. you clutch your phone as you read the comment.

'kinda obvious they miss quackity :/ it's a good cover-up story tho '

alex was staring at his ceiling. he'd seen the tweets about you - about him.

he hates this feeling. he hates the fact that he knows what you're thinking. he hates that he knows it's his fault. he didn't mean to. he didn't.

"come on, alex. you know you want it." the woman said.

"i told you, no! i have a partner!" alex pushed her away for the second time, trying to find a way past the girl and out of this small alleyway. he should've never gone to this stupid bar.

"tch, whatever. but know you'll regret rejecting someone like me!" the girl pushed him to the brick wall and fixed her dress as she walked away.

alex fixed himself for a minute and walked past the bar and into his car. he pulled out his phone and shot you a quick text.

'hey bb i'll be over in a few :)'

'don't come back.'

you responded almost immediately. alex froze as he looked at the screen.

'wdym?'

'you know damn well why'

you sent him a photo of him next to the bar in the alley. the girl was all over him while her lips connected lustfully to his.

'it isn't what it looks like, i didn't start any of this!'

you don't respond. alex tries to send you another text when an error pops up.

'unable to send message. user has blocked you.'

you hover your hand over your phone's keyboard. you thought anbout alex's offer to talk, and decided that maybe it was a good idea after all. you couldn't get your mind off him, you thought that hopefully getting some closure could help.

but how were you going to ask him? 'hey, i know i blocked number like a month ago but can you to meet me at some random park? see you there!'

after typing and deleting multiple texts you eventually landed on a message.

'hey alex, i've been thinking about your offer to talk it out, and i wanted to ask if you're still up for it?'

you send it and immediately turn off your phone and place it on the coffeetable in front of you. you did it, finally. you fall back on your couch and pull your knees up to your face, waiting for a notification.

after a nailbiting five minutes a light emits from your phone. you pick it up and read the name calling you. 'alex'. you take a deep breath and answer the phone.

"hi alex."

"hey ___, it's been a while."

you sit up straight, preparing yourself for the conversation you're about to have.

'yeah, you can say that."

the atmosphere was a lot less tense than you expected. it was weirdly... comforting? you can hear alex's raspy voice through the phone. has he been crying?

"i saw your text, you wanted to meet?"

"yes, i did. i wanted to get some closure, at least."

alex chuckled, his laugh making you a little flustered. trying to brush it off, you laugh with him.

"what's so funny?" alex asked.

you rolled your eyes and smile.

"you, dumbass."

he gasps cartoonishly loud. his goofy personality is something you could never get enough of. maybe you were wrong after all.

"ok, but seriously, when do you want to meet?"

he gets back on topic. you snap out of your smile and remember why he called in the first place.

"right, right. i'm free this whole week, you can choose when."

after some planning and back and forth, you decide to meet at a small family-run café in the afternoon. coincidentally, it's the same place you two had your first date.

you settle down at a table on the terrace of the café, the sunday sun greeting you warmly. you were a little early, so you decided to think of some questions. it didn't take you long to come to a few, though. your main question was the photo. what was that all about?

as you were handed a menu you saw alex walking on the pavement fidgeting with his fingers.

"hey! sorry if i'm late, i took the bus instead of my car."

he took the seat parallel to yours and exhaled.

"oh no, you're right on time. i was just a little early."

the waitress gave alex a menu and disappeared into the establishment. you both decided to stay quiet before getting on topic. neither of you want to start the conversation.

after both ordering and having surface level conversation for a while silence fell. you both know why you're here, it feels off to talk like nothing ever happened.

"okay-"

"so-"

you both start at the same time. alex awkwardly chuckles while covering his mouth.

"you first."

alex proposes. you nod and like magic lose the somewhat content mood you had prior. you steadily breathe in and pull out your phone.

"so, first things first; my main goal is to get closure and an explanation - there's no point in lying to me."

alex hums in agreement. you could tell he was nervous, you knew him better than anyone. you tap on your screen a few times until you reach the photo that was sent to you.

"now, i want a clear answer. what happened that night?"

you ask him firmly as you put your phone on the table to reveal the image.

"that's my ex-girlfriend."

alex said. you raise an eyebrow - his ex? you've heard some wild things about her and her antics, which is exactly why alex broke up with her in the first place.

"she said she wanted to ask me something in private. my dumbass said yes, because i can't pick up on context clues, apparently."

you cross your arms and lean back on the chair.

"you got that right."

alex looks up from the photo and makes eye contact with you.

"long story short, she pushed me to the wall and kissed me. i tried to push her off but she didn't let me go. after shoving her, like, twice she finally got the hint and left."

"so she set you up?"

"she hasn't changed a bit since all those years."

you say with a hint of condescension. his explanation made sense, and from what you heard he wasn't lying. your gut told you to believe him, yet your mind had an itching feeling that there was something else.

"are you sure that's all?"

alex flinched slightly.

"y-yes, ___. i don't know what else to tell you."

you mess with your hair a bit, clearly conflicted. there was nothing else, you knew that. but your brain wouldn't let it go. you decided it's better if you just sleep on it.

"alright, then.-"

you grab your bag and stand up.

"-i think we're done here."

alex stays seated and looks up at you.

"yeah, i think so."

you pick the phone up that's laying on the table. you pull out your wallet and put a $5 bill under your teacup.

"goodbye, alex."

"wait!"

alex stands up and grabs your wrist, the gesture scaring you little bit.

"are you still mad at me?"

those eyes. they're so pretty, almost sparlking. you snap out of it when he lets go, just realizing how weird it is to grab someone's arm out of nowhere.

"sorry, my bad. i wasn't thinking."

alex scratches the back of his neck.

"i'm still deciding if i can trust you, but i appreciate you showing up, at least."

"that's enough for me."

alex smile at you, not trying to pry.

"goodbye, ___."

"goodbye, alex."

you heard the chirping of the birds outside your window and groan. why is it already morning? you sit up and grab your phone from the nightstand next to your bed, the phone reading 11:23 - tuesday - xx-xx-xxxx.

you sigh and fall back onto your bed. you've been thinking about alex for a few days now, still not getting him out of your head.

after going downstairs and eating some toast you pull out your phone again, the clock now reading 12:44. you look through your contacts and eventually land on his name.

you hover your hand over the green pixels while sitting down at the dining table. you swallow audibly and click the call button.

it goes once.

it goes twice.

"___?"

'Hey alex, i wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet up again?"

ty for reading <3

m.list

taglist: @adoring-ghost @sakisaralazy @for-memories-sacrifice @ialexabsuniverse @shiyanchan @bioluminescentfrog @esylwen

reblogs >> likes !

#cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc #dream smp x reader #mcyt x reader #quackity x reader #dream smp angst #mcyt angst #quackity x y/n #quackity x you #dream smp x you #dream smp x y/n #mcyt x you #mcyt x y/n #quackity angst #dream smp fanfiction #mcyt fanfiction #quackity fanfic

312 notes · View notes

ciggylungz · 5 years ago

Text

Boys are weird

BUTTERFLIES AND BANDAIDS- chapter 4

Boys are weird

••

The boy stared down at his best friend. Eyes locked on hers, trying to figure out what to say. His train of thought was halted when he heard a little giggle from Y/N

"I was just joking Haz, you look like you're gonna pass out...am I that ugly?" She stuck her tongue out at the boy and he just shook his head letting out a little chuckle himself.

"Not at all love, just caught me off guard is all" his fingers went up to pinch her cheek before dropping back on her bed. He tried to push the thought out of his head, but he does wonder about how Y/N's lips would feel on his, not just his cheek or forehead like he's used to.

He imagines they'd feel soft, they're rather full and plump. He thinks they'd feel like a little pillows against his. Her cherry chapstick leaving a little layer of grease on his, but he wouldn't mind.

He was brought out of his little day dream by the girl herself, "Harry are you listening to me?" He looked up at her and blinked a few times "sorry love, mind drifted. What were you saying?"

The young girl gave him a little playful eye roll. "I asked how I look, these jeans are new I got them because Emma said they make my butt looks good, thoughts?" She did a little spin and he huffed

"Not gonna comment on your body little love. You know you're beautiful, looks great" he gave her a smile and she returned it.

"Thanks stinky" her little hand held his cheek as she kissed his other one, smiling at him.

"No problem dummy" he blew her a kiss before sitting up and cracking his back.

"You really gonna go to Eli's house? I really don't think it's a good idea, got a bad feeling sweetheart."

He crossed his arms over his broad chest and his eye brows pinched together. The younger girl looked up at him with a tilted head

"What do you mean?"

Harry let out a low sigh and ran his fingers through his chocolate locks trying to find a way to warn her without being a dick.

"Well, sometimes guys can be jerks. Some guys don't have good intentions, they want selfish things and some guys don't take no for an answer and that's what I'm afraid of. Not ever gonna let someone hurt you if I can help it. You're my best friend, still see you like the little girl I met. Just as protective over you as I am over my mum and sister. Care about you sweetheart."

He gave her a warm smile after speaking and she took a second to let it sink in. Looking back at him a nervous look on her pretty eyes

"What do you think he wants from me?"

Her fingers toyed with the hem of her sweater when she asked, nervous energy evident with the slight shake of her fingers.

"I don't know bunny, that's what I'm scared of." He brought his fingers up to push a few curls from her face, rubbing his thumb on her blushing cheeks.

"Okay...I'll tell him I'll reschedule with him...do you wanna do something together instead?"

He gave her a smile, nodding and twirling her hair around his pointer finger.

"Course, always wanna hangout with my girl. Can go to that diner we like tonight? Steal a couple beers from your brothers stash and have a little movie night?"

Y/N smiled at the offer, nodding and holding her hand up, palms smacking and pinkies locking as they did their handshake, purely muscle memory at this point.

"Sounds good. Think Luke is at his friends anyway, he won't care. But for now let's go get some snacks and I gotta get tampons so let's go to the pharmacy."

Harry let out a groan, he may be her best friend but he's never super into hearing about periods or her needs for period products.

"Relax, you're so dramatic. I don't start till next week but I wanna just get them now cus Lily used the last of them, I'm paying for the snacks this time so be nice or I'll eat all of them myself"

She poked his chest and he just nodded chuckling a bit.

"And I'm the dramatic one?"

••

The two teens jogged down the steps of her family home, hopping over the baby gate at the bottom of the steps, greeted by her 3 year old brother Jackson, 8 month old sister Miley and then year old Violet. All of the toddlers looking up at them, instantly getting excited.

The little ones have always loved Harry, and he loved them just as much. He's always wanted to have kids, so they are kinda like his little practice family till he settles down and has his own. Plus making a baby smile is one of his top ten favorite feelings.

Jackson was the first to rush towards the older boy, hugging his leg and smiling

"Hi! I missed you! We play football together?" The little boy looked up at Harry and he smiled down at him, rubbing his head

"Course we can, later yea? Going out with your sissy for a little while. I'll bring you back a surprise though, don't tell your mommy ok?"

He talked lowly like it's a big secret, getting the toddler even more excited as he pinky promised not to tell.

The next one up was Violet, she was a sweetheart just like her older sister but she definitely has a sass that Y/N was too shy to have when she was little.

She lifted her little arms up prompting him to lean down and pick her up, kissing her cheek while settling her on his hip.

"Hey Vi, how are you today?"

The little girl grabbed onto his necklace and smiled at him

"Good Berry, tooked nap!"

The fact she still couldn't say his name, and settled for 'berry' instead still made Y/N giggle sometimes, the boy found it endearing though.

"You took a nap?! That's great! Good job!"

He highfived her tiny hand and kissed her little knuckles before letting her down, watching her run off to the little play area they had in their living room.

Finally Miley managed to scoot her way up to Y/N getting promptly scooped up, she was definitely a lovey little baby. She loved being held, kisses, cuddles any affection anyone wanted to give her, she welcomed. She was a lot like Y/N, they are both the softest most cuddly girls he's ever met. And he still finds it adorable.

The baby babbled a bit, smacking her lips and sticking her tongue out. A new trick she had learned from her older brother. Harry gave her a smile and a kiss on her rosy chubby little cheeks, giving her a quick cuddle and baby talk session before the two teens left the army of infants with their mother and started making their way towards the small pharmacy at the end of the block.

The pair made conversation as they went, mostly Y/N telling him gossip she'd heard, and because he is guilty of being quite the gossip himself, he ate up every bit of it.

"There's no way! You're lying!" He exclaimed as she told him a juicy little bit about a girl she is on the volleyball team with.

"I swear! She really is! She's pregnant, by Austin Lewis!"

She waved her hands around as she talked, both of them shocked at the piece of drama they now were clued in on.

"God, that's gonna be one ugly baby...Austin's an ugly little prick, personality and looks wise. She must be legally blind." The boy chuckled at his own comment, holding the door open for her as they entered the store.

They continued to chat among themselves as they browsed the isles, grabbing snacks and the tampons she came for. Harry made sure to snag a little bouncy ball from a crank machine for Jackson on their way out. Knowing the little boy would lose his mind over the brand new toy.

••

They made it back safe and well, both distributing the snacks and bouncy ball to their intended recipients before marching back up the steps, Y/N snagging 4 beers from her brothers closet on the way and stashing them under her bed for the evening.

The pair sat together talking and simply enjoying each other's company. Both always feeling content even if they are both on their phones not talking, as long as they were in each other's vicinity they were content.

Harry only looked up when he heard an audible gasp from the girl beside him, seeing an immediate blush rush to her face and eyes wide as ever, cocking his eyebrow at the girl.

"What? It looks like you just saw a ghost"

He sat himself up and peeked at her phone screen, eyes widening before squinting when he saw what she was looking at.

A text message from Eli, normal enough until he saw the very graphic dick pic he sent attached to it.

The boy instantly went into protective mode and snatched the phone

"Yea you don't need to look at stuff like that, why did he send you that? You're like 6, no don't look Y/N!" He held the phone away from her grabbing hands and scrolled up the thread of messages.

" 'You sure you're not able to come over tonight?' 'I had something special planned, even got some drinks for us' 'really wish you were coming...' 'know it's a bit unexpected but maybe this might change your mind about coming...got me rock hard just thinking about you baby' what the hell-"

Harry read the texts aloud and cringed at most of them, Y/N blushing like crazy hiding her face in her hands.

"I knew that kid just wanted to sleep with you. He literally sent a picture of his dick mid conversation, he has horrible game bloody hell"

Harry took it upon himself to delete the picture from their texts and send the boy a text himself.

' keep your dick pics to yourself mate, She's 14- Harry'

Sending it off before handing her phone back and blowing out a breath.

"Oh my god...this is the most embarrassing moment of my life...I can't believe you just sent him that text...I can't believe I just saw his penis...I'm- what is even going on?"

The young girl groaned as she finished talking flopping back on her bed, the boy chuckling a bit as he watched her.

"That's high school boys for you. They think with their pricks, not their heads sweetheart. They see you and have one thing on their mind, and I will die before I let you sleep with some guy who has a small dick. Not gonna happen love."

She simply shrugged and gave him the side eye, getting a cheeky smile from the boy who was covering up his sliver of jealousy with his protective tendencies. He knew it was up to her what she did with her body, but he hated the thought of her sleeping with some boy who only wants one thing from her. As much as she is a smart girl, she's still a bit naïve at times. So of course he does what he can to keep her safe.

If he has to endure looking at his classmates penises to keep her protected, then he will.

He secretly felt a bit of an ego boost seeing that kids dick compared to his, Harry knew he had at least 5 inches more than Eli and was a hell of a lot thicker. He knew he was above average in that department but who doesn't love a good confirmation once in a while?

Y/N finally let out a little laugh, starting to lose the embarrassment and find humor in the situation turning to Harry and letting out another laugh

"His dick was...ugly. I've seen others but why did his looks so odd? It was like 4 different colors! Is that normal?"

The boy snorted and laughed with her shaking his head

"Mine isn't, not sure on if it's normal or not. But out of the dicks I've seen in my life his was probably the ugliest."

She smiled at him and poked his side

"You go around looking at penises in your free time Styles?" She raised an eyebrow and he let out another bark of a laugh.

"Not intentionally usually, locker room and porn is usually where I'm exposed to guys bits. Some guys don't care much about just letting it all hang out in the showers"

The girl giggled and sat up a bit. Smiling and laughing quietly to herself while she gets comfortable against her headboard.

"Boys are weird, girls don't get like fully naked usually but I've seen lots of boobs in the locker room. Katie Wilson has really nice boobs, I'm honestly jealous. I have seen Sarah Peters fully naked in the showers, that's really it. I've seen guys in the locker room like twice when I had to go in their locker room to drop off towels and stuff, saw Seth Newman fully naked and Grant like that too, they were definitely not shy about it. A bit uncomfortable."

She let out another laugh and he did the same.

"Boys are weird." He nodded

"You're not that weird though, you're the best boy I've ever met. You haven't sent me Dick pics mid conversation either so you get bonus points for that." She poked his stomach and smiled.

"I don't typically send unsolicited cock pictures"

He laughed when she gasped at his choice of words, cheeks growing pink yet again.

"I've only ever heard people call it that in porn, do people really use that word?"

Harry gawked at her for a second before nodding.

"Yea, lots of people say it. But you watch porn?! Since when? You're a baby! You shouldn't be exposed to that!"

Y/N rolled her eyes and waved him off.

"I'm 14, I can watch porn if I want to sir. You watch porn, I've seen your search history you Weirdo. Eli isn't the first guy to send me pictures, I've sent a few before too. Not to him but to someone else."

Harry was shocked to say the least. The shyest sweetest girl he ever met just admitted to sending nudes to other people. He couldn't believe it.

"YOU sent nudes?! To who?!"

The girl smiled shyly,

"Don't worry about it, not your business mister."

He stared at her for a second before shaking his head.

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that, you're still such a innocent little girl to me. I refuse to accept you've done that ma'am. I still can't believe you've made out with people before, the only reason I accepted it was because I literally caught you doing it once. Still not happy about that one Y/N, boys are stinky! You're not allowed to do that, I decided it's illegal now."

Y/N laughed at him and pushed him back a bit

"Shut up, you're such a drama queen Haz. I'm not 4 anymore, I'm old enough to kiss whoever I want."

He grunted in response and frowned.

"Nope, it's illegal I made the law. Now I need a beer after that."

She just snickered to herself while handing him one grabbing her keys and popping the cap off with her house key before grabbing her own doing the same.

Locking her bedroom door and turning off her overhead lights, opting for her fairy lights instead. Switching her tv on, both of them sipping their beers while skimming movies before picking one. Both just drinking and enjoying their evening together, but still Harry couldn't help his mind wandering off a few times thinking about the pictures his best friend has sent other people.

And he couldn't help but be jealous.

#harry styles series #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles tpwk #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #older!harry #younger!yn #bestfriend!harry

85 notes · View notes

hecohansen31 · 5 years ago

Text

Rules To Interact With This Blog:

Interacting With My Posts:

If you liked a fic/ask/drabble of mine, I’d suggest that you also let me know through a comment or reblogging it with something written either in the comment section or the tags (I am not saying this for my ego, but it is absolutely proved that the more you’ll interact with my posts, the faster I’ll feel like writing something more of that genre).

If you were tagged in a fic/ask/drabble of mine, you should definitely comment (leaving feedback and simply reblog with something said in the comment part, because let me tell you... reblogging without saying anything is just plain dumb).

Taglists are honestly nightmarish and I understand, not only Tumblr being annoying with not notifying you but also you needing to take your time.

But please do understand that to ignore somebody who took time, at your request, to put you in a taglist is rude.

And I’ll be deleting people on my taglist that don’t interact anymore with my stuff, after three times they ignored it.

If you ask me write you a fic/ask/drabble/ship, you should feel morally obligated to leave at least a ‘thank you’, if not some support/feedback, because I spent time working for something that brought at least a smile to your face, so it’d be nice to leave even the smallest comment, but DO LEAVE IT.

Feedback On My Posts:

It is completely understandable that you might want to give some constructive criticism, but I’ll ask you to know a few things before you do:

I am not a paid writer, I do this as an hobby in my free time, and English is not my first language, so do keep in mind that there might be some mistakes, some I just don’t see because I have neither a paid ‘beta-reader’ or the willingness to proofread perfectly everything I write.

So, do remember to be kind when giving constructive criticism.

And please avoid doing it anonimousl.

It isn’t anything against nonnies, but many times thing that you say may be mistaken as worse than they are, hurting people and also making them angry, so if you noticed something that you don’t think that is proper, do come in my DMs so that we can start a dialogue.

Also do remember that some things are just typical of the author and the fanfic, hence we can’t change them (such as the fic length, our portrayal of the character and our own setting and knowledge...).

So, if you end up not liking the fic/ask/drabble for this reason, I’d suggest that instead of sending us an angry anonymous asks, you just change writer and fic, because those things are linked to your own taste and not ours.

Not every fic is always for you, and maybe mine might not be your cup of tea!

Sending Asks:

From now on I won’t be accepting asks that don’t contain either ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ or both.

This is because one of the thing that has brought my mind not to feel at ease anymore when post is the fact that I constantly get treated like a writing machine and not a person on here, almost as if I am valuable only for hmy writing skills and nothing more.

And as much as I recognize that that is what I am ‘famous’ for on here, I’d like to take a step back and be treated like a person behind a computer from now on.

Which means that I won’t be taking asks unless I feel treated like that.

If you don’t know whether my requests are open or closed, don’t straight up send me a request, but simply ask me whether they are or not.

I’ll try to answer fast enough (I am saying this because it has happened to me that many sent me asks even when they were closed, adding the ‘if the requests are closed, ignore this’ but like... the people pleaser in me... can’t and will write your fics and send myself in overburn... so please avoid).

Also do feel free to either ask me through my inbox or my DMs whether I’d write for something, if you are not sure whether I’d do it or not.

Again don’t straight up send me something like ‘do it only if you are comfortable’ or similar.

Don’t send me random asks, that maybe got refused by other writers and youthen sent to me, without following me, knowing anything about my blog and my writing, because I can see which ones are which... and believe me it is annoying to receive this kind of asks.

Finally... don’t comment on how much time a writer takes on writing out your ask/fic or anything else.

Avoid at all costs comments such as ‘when are you going to...’/’oh I thought you had forgotten about my request’/’can’t you speed up’, because not only you appear extremely pushy but also in most cases I am not simply ignoring your asks, I just have something going on in my own personal life that might stop us from properly replying.

Also on this note, avoid asking for fic updates, again please don’t ask ‘when will this be uploaded?’, as I have said before... it is possible that we aren’t uploading it for own personal problems and receiving a message like this will in most cases (at least with me) make us feel uncomfortable and lazy and push us to write, although we aren’t in the right headset

If we notice that it is taking us quite some time, we’ll let you know, personally, why the fic isn’t getting updated and when it’ll be, please don’t spam us with asks of this kind.

Interacting With Others:

Avoid tagging me in fics/asks/etc, when I haven’t actually told you to.

Please don’t do it, because although in many cases I don’t ask to get tagged for my own personal shyness or because I forget, sometimes I just am not interested in your whole writing and I prefer to only follow what I like.

Also some of your writing might be potentially triggering for me, which is the reason why I’d prefer not to be straight up tagged in a fic, without giving my permission.

I’ll let you know through a warning if you have wrongly tagged me, but if you keep on doing it, I’ll block you.

You can absolutely come to me if you want to have some feedback on your writing, but I’ll ask you to please not waste my time, disregarding completely my suggestions.

You are obviously free to deny my suggestions, because I mean... who’d take suggestions from me, a clown... ? But I’d like you to be straightforward with me, telling me immediately that you don’t think my suggestion would be proper for what you write.

If you don’t like my suggestion, it is completely alright because it is simply a suggestion and I understand, as a writer, not liking them or not feeling them fit for what you wrote.

In the end you are the writer of the piece, not me.

But please don’t tell me ‘oh yeah yeah, thanks’ when I give you the suggestions and then after you pubblish the piece completely ignore my suggestion as if I hadn’t said it.

So please, if you aren’t seriously looking for feedback but validation, don’t waste my time asking me to check your piece.

I’d also prefer if we were mutuals in doing this, because many times I have had to proofread pieces that weren’t mine from people that didn’t even follow me, and completely disregarded all my work, (even worse was the fact that these people were pushy and didn’t seem to accept a ‘no’ although I told them I was very busy at the time).

I do understand being good and everything, but I’d still like to remind you that support goes two ways, so if I helped you, it’d be nice of you to give back that help when it is needed and not only when it is comfortable to you.

I’d also like to discuss about crediting me for using my ideas, imagines and set-ups.

I totally understand that some of my concepts aren’t original, but it has happened to me that many times after talking with somebody about a specific idea or giving them a personal suggestion, they used it without even crediting me or asking for my permission.

So, please if you are going to use one of the ideas I came up with when talking with you or the set-up of my blog and fics, I’d ask you at least give me credit or ask me in my DMs for my permission.

I am always attentive to giving the proper credit when needed and I’d like you to do the same.

I’d also like for you to be honest with me.

An example is the fact that although many people said they’d take part in my writing challenge, not even half of them actually did.

As much as I understand the hardships of life and tumblr, I’d have liked very much these people to come forward and tell me they weren’t interested/had problems, because personally it was very disappointing to work so hard on a thing, get all excited for it and then get ignored.

Again, I do know that life isn’t easy for many of us, butI what I ask for is nothing more than a simple DM/ask clarifying the status of things, in these cases.

Finally: I’ll start supporting only people that support me.

I don’t mean to be rude but as I have already said: support goes two ways.

Again, it is completely understandable for some people to arrive late to reading fics and commenting them, because we are all busy, but I do think that sometimes we make too many excuses for not supporting writers and then act all shocked when they say they are tired and won’t write.

With this being said, I’ll stop bitching.

If you have any ask about the new rules, I am here.

I highly encourage you to follow them to help me feel more at ease on my blog.

If you don’t, you’ll receive a warning and then if it keeps happening I’ll block you.

Have a nice day!

-Heco Hansen.

#personal #rules #from now on I'll be following this #also limiting my interaction on here with other blogs and other people #I hope you'll undersand and be respectful of me and my blog #rant

11 notes · View notes

plague-of-insomnia · 6 years ago

Note

🍋 🍌

Thank you for the ask 💕!!

🍋 Your descriptions are transportive

Wow... 😶☺️🥰 Thank you.

🍌I want to pick your brain about your creative process.

This will be a long post, FYI.

Chaos.

Haha, I’m joking.

Or am I?

Honestly, I’ve tried a lot of different things over the years, including outlining, and it never works for me bc my characters control the story. I really am just their interpreter, putting their lives and words onto virtual paper.

I’m a “character first” kind of writer (as opposed to a “plot first”), and that means I could probably tell you what any of the main cast of my stories ate for breakfast on the morning of their 8th birthday, but I couldn’t tell you what happens in the end, or sometimes even in the next chapter, bc I don’t know until I “get there.”

I’ve done my best to break my process down into 8 steps.

Step 1: The Idea

When I first get an idea, it usually comes to me in terms of a really vivid scene, like the chapter in Where Demons Hide called “Spark of Madness.” Usually that scene ends up in the beginning of the story but not normally the first chapter. Sometimes it’ll give me some story/plot to help me begin to flesh out the idea more, like in that example, where the main antagonist/conflict is introduced, though normally I have to work at it a bit more.

Step 2: Flesh Things Out

This is where I brainstorm, usually thinking about the main characters, who they are and what their flaws might be and what they might want to help me “find” the story. Sometimes I’ll make a character sheet (normally I don’t if I’m working alone bc I don’t have to). I do normally make a file for notes where I’ll jot down possible ideas about the characters and where the story might go.

I’ll be perfectly honest and say while this process does get me jump started, most of the notes I jot down I don’t end up using bc as the characters and story formulates, they both tend to change from my original ideas.

Step 3: Research

This can often be tied in with #2 and it’s not as if it just stops here. But as I often write about disabilities, mental and chronic illness, I like to make sure I can get as much info about the disease/condition I want to represent as possible so that I can:

represent it appropriately and accurately and

so I can find story/character details along the way.

For example, in my novel UnConventional, I was able to talk with a friend who is not only an orthotic user (and has been for years) but is an engineer of sorts so he understands very well *how* they work. By talking with him about various orthotics and his own struggles with them, I was able to find new plot and character details that help make the story more vivid and real and also allowed me to drive it in directions I may not have been able to otherwise.

Step 4: Write, Write, Write.

Two things you need to know about my writing process:

I usually do better when I write out of order.

I need to visualize the scene in my head to write it effectively. My “writers block” comes from not being able to see things in my head

My method isn’t the most efficient, but it’s how my brain works, and I’ve learned to go with it rather than fight it.

I brainstorm with myself (or a friend or my husband if possible) when necessary, or sometimes I’ll just close my eyes in a quiet place to allow myself to “see” the next series of scenes. Before I can forget the vivid movie I saw in my head, I do what I call a “scene sketch.”

I call it a “sketch,” bc just like a sketch is usually the foundation for a piece of art, mine are the basic structure for a completed scene. I do this also if I have a pretty solid idea but don’t have the time to write or I’m too tired or something like that, bc sketches allow me to simply sit down and flesh them out to create a completed scene.

They’re kind of like what an outline might be for other writers but less organized. Sketches are like a little treatment of a scene, including the basic setting, an idea of POV, and even dialog and body language, but jotted down really quickly without quotes or dialog tags. Sometimes there’ll be things like “maybe this happens�� bc once I actually write the scene I’ll know if that idea feels right or not.

Here’s an example from a rejected chapter of WDH (I ended up going in a slightly different direction):

Seb answers when room service knocks. Bard is hovering, maybe bc he heard Seb’s scream. He sees the bad bite on Seb’s bare chest, sees he’s trembling and drowning more than ever, his eyes almost pleading for rescue. But when Bard asks if he’s OK he smiles and says yes, sir. Takes the food from the room service person and says he’s been ordered to wait on the guests personally. Shuts the door in Bard’s face.

Sometimes these sketches can be very detailed, other times it’s more of a general, quick jot of what happens or the scene I want to set. It depends on my brain and the scene.

I like to set goals based on scenes (or sometimes chapters), and do my best to complete a scene in its entirety if possible before I stop. If I can’t bc of time, then I’ll write a really brief sketch so I know what I need to do when I pick back up again so I won’t forget.

I’ve been writing and editing long enough that depending on the project I’m able to self-edit as I write. That doesn’t mean I don’t revise or edit later, but it saves some time overall as I am more aware of certain things than I used to be.

Because I write out of order, my process often entails being a puzzle master and piecing things together. Especially for something like Where Demons Hide, which has a lot of flashbacks, since I write those separately from the main story, I then have to figure out where they “belong.” I’d say 98% of the time for this fic I have already written the flashbacks before the chapter(s) they end up in.

My original serial fiction I write in a similar fashion, where I often will write scenes out of order and then assemble them into chapters later. So sometimes I’ll make a kind of “outline” of plot points that I need to cover. It’s not so much a fixed thing as a memory aid and place for me to put notes of ideas that might come to me that aren’t completely fleshed out.

Step 5: Rest

Once I’ve completed a chapter, I try to let it “rest” for at least a few days, if not longer. Especially if it was a long chapter or something that was difficult to write and took me awhile so I’ve been working on it for days or even weeks at a time.

I do this for three reasons:

“In process” brain lies often and says a scene/chapter sucks and I should just burn my computer/phone and take up accounting instead, and that the pacing is awful and it’s boring and lots of similar untruths.

Especially if the chapter took me a long time to finish because it’s lengthy or complicated or has difficult subject matter or whatever, it means there’s a good chance I’ve been working on it for days or even weeks and I’m SICK TO DEATH of it and never want to see it again, so taking a break from it is a welcome relief. It’s like taking a vacation after you’ve been working overtime for months. Sometimes I’ll do writing-adjacent things during this time, like reading, organizing/typing my notes, jotting down things I need to work on, reading/watching stuff that will energize and inspire me. Other times I work on another project or other scenes/chapters in the same project. Sometimes I’ll just take a break if I’m feeling burnt out or stressed.

I can come back to the project with fresh eyes, so that I can read it and see what things are actually good (suck it, in-process brain) or what things may still need work in a way I couldn’t do so soon after finishing.

Step 6: Revise

I revise in different ways depending on how much I feel something needs fixing. The first revision is my chance to see how the puzzle pieces knit together, work on scenes that I noticed aren’t pulling their weight or that need to be fleshed out. Sometimes this means I will completely, totally rewrite—and by that I mean “retype.” I open a fresh document, and referencing the original, start over. This allows me to streamline and better hone my language and ensure each scene is working hard.

This is something I do if I feel like a scene isn’t working as-is or I have a shit-ton of notes and comments on the first draft and it’s so chaotic I feel like I can’t focus anymore. This is especially helpful for dialog.

Other times the revisions are less drastic. Sometimes I means moving a scene around or deleting one that isn’t working. Sometimes it means finding all the times I’ve repeated the same word and fixing that, or fixing places where I’ve used the same sentence type too often.

Revision can be a very long process, depending on the quality of the first draft and what my goal is. If it’s just fan fic I’m doing for fun, then I don’t obsess too much: usually 1-2 read throughs and adjustments are OK. If it’s something I’m going to submit for publication, then that’s a different story bc the quality of the edit of your submitted draft makes a good impression (or a bad one).

Step 7: Beta Reader

If I have one, which I don’t always, then this is where I’ll send it to them. Usually what I want in a beta reader isn’t stuff like proof or copy editing, but rather “big picture” stuff. I want them to tell me: “this scene isn’t working” or “this feels contrived” or “I don’t like the main character.”

It can be frustrating and disheartening to get feedback that means I have to go back and do some major revising, but that’s why they’re there, bc often it’s either things I couldn’t see bc I’m too close to the story, or stuff I was in denial about (lol). Listening to my betas always leads to a better draft.

Step 8: Proofreading/Copyediting

The last step. I’ve done this professionally so I’m usually pretty good at finding typos and inconsistencies myself, but some people will hire someone like me to do that work bc they don’t have the skill or the time. Even if it’s “just for fun,” proofing is important bc it affects readability, and it’s embarrassing to me if I post something with glaring proof errors 😶.

~~~Anyway, that is roughly how my brain works. I don’t know if this is what you were expecting or wanting, but here it is!

#my answers #my writing process #positive feedback #ask chie

6 notes · View notes

amillionsmiles · 7 years ago

Text

checking (you) out (Pidge/Lance)

Summary: Katie works the tech desk at the university library. Lance never remembers to wipe his memory card before returning the camera equipment, which is how she becomes intimately familiar with his life via, of all things, his vlogs. A/N: finally get to post this in full! Written for @plance-zine ; it was wonderful to be part of such a project, and shoutout to the mods for keeping everything running smoothly! :)

[Read and review here] or continue under the cut.

People, Katie has decided, are predictable. Watch them for long enough, and their everyday motions start to read like clockwork. At 9 AM on Thursdays, she shows up for her shift behind the library’s tech desk. At 9:20, the girl with space buns and an artfully distressed jean jacket strides in, heading straight for one of the study pods. At 9:25, somebody blows through the doors in a last-minute effort to print materials for their 9:30 class. And at 10:50, ten minutes before Katie’s shift ends, Lance McClain shows up, laboring under the weight of a camera bag, backpack, and tripod.

Katie reaches for the scanner as Lance puffs his way toward her, depositing the tripod on the table with a heavy clunk. It takes him another minute to locate his student ID card: he checks the pocket of his cargo jacket first (not there—it never is) before wriggling his fingers into his jean pocket instead. When he hands the plastic over, it’s warm from being pressed against his thigh.

Katie spares it a passing glance as she pulls up the ‘Equipment Return’ form, filling in the requisite information.

“You’re good to go.” She gives him a thumbs-up, careful not to look him straight in the eye.

“Cool, thanks.” Flashing a bright grin, Lance backpedals toward the doors, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

Once he’s disappeared completely from view, Katie unzips the camera bag. She flicks the dial to on and goes straight to display mode. Sure enough, the schmuck hasn’t bothered wiping the memory card.

Smirking, Katie kicks her feet up on the table and leans back in her chair.

Let the entertainment begin.

o.O.o

Lance McClain does not know her name, and Katie is completely content with this. She applied for her gig at the tech desk specifically because it required minimal human interaction. Nobody expects her to make conversation; they just want to check out equipment and leave. Occasionally she has to troubleshoot a printer jam or direct tourists to the bathrooms; most of the time, though, she just does her homework and gets paid.

Still, when someone visits at least twice a week, it’s hard not to notice. The first time Lance left recording footage behind on the camera had sparked her interest, and from there it wasn’t too hard to find his YouTube channel, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Which was how she knew that he was a second-year bio major with a side-job at the Starbucks in the Garrison, the student union, and in his free time he liked to record himself attempting to do stunts with his skateboard, if not narrating a funny story about his day or answering the call of things like the Cinnamon Challenge.

Katie and Keith had gotten halfway through that video before Keith closed her laptop.

“I can’t watch you do this to yourself,” Keith said, shaking his head. “Katie, you’re too good for him.”

“I’m hate-watching!” Katie justified, attempting to wrestle her Chromebook from Keith’s grip.

“You know way too much about him to just be ‘hate-watching,’” said Keith, making air quotes with his left hand. “You have his student ID number memorized.”

Katie glared. She regretted letting that piece of information slip. Memorizing Lance’s ID hadn’t even been intentional—it’d only happened because of how many times she’d typed his information into the system during checkout.

“You go to office hours just so you can breathe the same air as your TA for an extra 120 minutes,” she retorted. “You don’t get to lecture me on sad.”

Anyways. All of this is to say that despite what Keith thinks, she does not have a weird, borderline crush-fascination with Lance. And when she stumbles into Green Library’s 24-hr study room at 3 AM to work on a CS project, he’s the last person she’s expecting to see.

Lance is slouched in a swivel chair, earbuds plugged into the desktop in front of him. One dangles loosely around his neck, the other shoved in his ear. Upon hearing someone else enter, he lurches to attention. Katie pretends not to notice—she fully intends to sit on the other side of the room—but Lance doesn’t give her the chance.

“Hey! You’re tech-desk girl!”

It’s a dumb nickname. Definitely not something to get excited about, and Katie schools her features to reflect that. She’s above all… this. Unaffected. “I have a name.”

A quirk of the lips. Lance somehow manages to hook an ankle around the chair closest to him and spins it so the seat faces toward her, an offering. “Wanna tell it to me?”

It’s uncannily close to the Pick-up Line Challenge video he posted to his account a month ago. Katie tries not to think too hard about that.

“What’s in the thermos?” she asks instead, setting her backpack down and warily accepting the chair.

“Redbull and coffee.” Lance’s leg bounces under the table, fingers tapping a jittery rhythm on the keyboard. “Wanna try some?”

“No thanks. It sounds unholy.”

“Oh, it is. Definitely a personal low, but sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.” As he gulps his strange concoction, Lance’s face wrinkles, throat flexing as if he’s swallowed a frog. “God, this is like… sacrilege for me.” His voice lowers, confiding. “I’m a barista.”

“I know,” blurts Katie. Immediately after, she freezes, hoping that the comment will drop unnoticed.

No such luck. Lance raises an eyebrow, questioning. A strange light has entered his eyes; by admitting that she’s paid attention to him, Katie has suddenly become the sole focus of his attention.

How much to admit? Best to be blunt—rip it off like a bandaid. The best defense is offense, and all that.

“You never delete your videos off the camera before you return it,” she says.

Whatever explanation Lance had been anticipating, this one catches him off guard. His face contorts as he tries to process the information. “I—my videos?”

It’s almost too easy, slipping into the impersonation. “Hey guys, it’s ya boi Lance, and today I’ll be—”

“Okay, okay.” Lance waves his hands, cutting her off. “Please do not continue.”

“I thought you’d be flattered hearing your own lines back at you.”

“Not like that, it’s weird! You make me sound like a tool.” He sighs. “Well, now I’m disappointed.”

Katie frowns. “Why?”

“I don’t know! I thought it’d be cool if you knew stuff about me because I was like, your secret Starbucks crush or something.” At this, he shoots her a hopeful look.

“I don’t drink coffee.”

“We sell other stuff. Also, you still haven’t told me your name.”

“It’s Katie,” she finally relents, breaking eye contact to pull her laptop out of her bag. When she looks over again, Lance is resting his chin on his hand, staring at her thoughtfully.

“What.”

“So does this mean you subscribe to my YouTube channel?”

“No.”

Lance pouts. “Why not?”

“I like the raw footage better. It’s funnier. Like the first take of the spicy noodle challenge, where you spewed milk out of your nose? Classic.” She cranes her neck to look over his shoulder. “What are you working on, anyways?”

“Nothing!” Lance pushes his body between her and the screen, the broad line of his back blocking her view.

“Doesn’t sound like nothing if you’re being like that.”

“Hey, haven’t you heard about this thing called privacy? 4th Amendment! Search and seizure! Gimme back the mou— ow!”

Years of wrestling with Matt has made Katie adept at underhanded maneuvers; with Lance still rubbing his side from where she pinched him, she takes control of the mouse and opens up the window he’d minimized earlier. Onscreen, several scenes are being recolored and spliced together; she recognizes the footage from earlier today.

“Do you always make your videos on the school computers?”

“I have my own laptop. It’s just shitty and will only run like, 2 programs at a time, and all that’s being directed towards a stats project right now.” Lance eyes her sideways. “Hey, what major are you? Or, wait—are you a freshman? Have you even declared yet—”

“I’m a sophomore. Computer science and math.”

“Ah, the double major.” Lance nods, then puffs out his chest. “Guess what I am.”

Common sense tells Katie that she should play dumb. Let him have the satisfaction of correcting her. But her overwhelming need to prove she knows things wins out.

“Pre-med bio.”

Lance blinks. “Wow, first guess.” His surprise turns sly. “You do have a crush on me.”

Katie rolls her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. All it takes is a quick LinkedIn search.”

“Yeah, but you only fully read through someone’s LinkedIn when you’re a) hiring or b) evaluating their bae potential. It’s okay—” he holds up a hand, cutting off her protest, “—I’m honored, truly.”

“You’re ridiculous.” This entire interaction has gone so far off the rails, she doesn’t know how to begin redirecting it. Lance, meanwhile, shifts focus easily, pulling a camera out of his backpack and popping the lens cap off with practiced ease. The next thing Katie knows, it’s pointed at her, Lance narrating: “You’ve heard of Sleepless in Seattle, but we’re here with Sleepless in the Study Room, guest-starring my new friend Katie!”

“What—who said we were friends?” says Katie, trying to duck out of the frame. Lance is an unerring videographer, though; he follows every motion. Backed into a corner, Katie swats at the lens before remembering that it’s from the tech desk and, therefore, her responsibility. She stays her hand.

“We’ve been talking for over half-an-hour,” Lance says, flashing his phone at her, where 3:30 AM makes itself known in thin white strokes. “I’d say that counts for something.”

His smile is bright and close. It’s probably the lack of sleep that’s making her loopy, but the feeling underneath her skin is not unlike a sugar rush.

“I guess,” she says.

o.O.o

She regrets everything the next morning. The minute she gets behind the tech desk, Katie thumps her head down and starts calculating. If she naps in ten minute increments, maybe she’ll recuperate some of her lost sleep and still manage to do her job.

The hours crawl by slowly. At 10:50, the characteristic whoosh of the automatic doors awakens her from her latest sleep cycle, and from somewhere above, an entirely too chipper voice says: “You look like you could use a pick-me-up.”

“This is your fault,” Katie groans, raising her chin to glower at Lance. “Because of you, I got distracted, and then I had to stay up even later to finish coding.”

“I know, I was there. You are a very aggressive programmer, by the way.”

“Just pass over your card so I can check this equipment back in,” she grumbles, wiggling her fingers in demand. Instead, though, Lance curls her fingers around a warm paper cup.

Katie stares at it blankly. “I told you I didn’t drink coffee.”

“It’s my special blend,” Lance insists. “You’ll like it, promise.”

“Yeah, well, it’s going to have to wait ten minutes,” sighs Katie, pushing it to the side and heaving the camera and tripod over the desk. “I’m not allowed to have drinks back here. On-duty policy.”

“Then I’ll keep it safe in the meantime,” says Lance, snatching it back. “I’ll just be over here.”

Katie watches him stake out a table. Blinks a few times, to confirm that he’s still there. This isn’t part of their usual routine. It feels strange but not entirely unwelcome.

When she flicks to the camera’s memory card, it’s clean. That’s weird, too—that they actually had a fully fledged conversation, and he took something she said to heart. In fact, the other night, she’s pretty sure she made him laugh. And there’d been a moment, where Lance had tipped his head back, eyes crinkling, and Katie had thought: shit, maybe Keith had been onto something after all.

When her shift ends, she heads over to the table that Lance has staked out. In characteristic Lance fashion, he’s already found a way to unfold himself over all the available space: backpack slung over the back of an empty chair, feet kicked up on the seat opposite him. Katie nudges them aside as she sits down, reaching over to grab her coffee, and Lance’s face brightens.

“By the way, your earbuds aren’t plugged in completely,” she says, sipping her drink. Lance, despite only knowing her from their interactions the night before, has somehow guessed at her sweet tooth, and the foamy latte goes down easily. “Nice music.”

Lance rips the buds from his ears, gaping down at his phone in horror. Onscreen, a disturbingly animated baby waves its arms, singing, Yes papa, as a banjo strums in the background. Katie marks that down as another piece of information on Lance: listens to educational children’s music in his free time.

“In my defense, it’s for a project.”

“Sure it is,” she says, slapping Lance’s hand away when he tries to grab the coffee back in retaliation, and it’s so natural to mess with him like this, to laugh and call him noodle arms and have everybody else glare at them for being disruptive.

I think it counts for something, Lance had said the other night.

Something, indeed.

#voltron #pidge #lance #plance #vld pidge #vld lance #otp: teenage dream meme team #my writing #fanfiction #ff: voltron

262 notes · View notes

toobadforthefacts · 8 years ago

Text

Louis, Harry, Family and Friends’ Denials of Larry (as a Whole or as a Theory) and Confirmation of Elounor

(@seirral4) [Updated 13/08/2017]

[DISCLAIMER: this post has been recreated due to 1arry-isnt-rea1′s deactivation. Everything has been compiled and written by them, except when stated otherwise: the version retrieved was old, so some debunks went missing, and the situation needed to be mended. Also some links were updated, some denials reorganized, and some lexicon actualized: Larry Shippers --> Larries to avoid confusion. Give credit when you share some else’s contents.]

—————————————————————————————————

Larries seem to think Harry and Louis have not denied Larry. They have, yet Larries still make up excuses for it.

I wanted to make a post showing all family or friends who have denied Larry at some point. This post is not only Larry denials, but confirmations of Elounor or denials of a theory of Larry (i.e. tattoos and such).

I never see people talk about most of these denials.

Guess why?

Like I have always said, Larries only see what they want to. They ignore everything that disproves or doesn’t support their ship.

I can also hear every Larrie scream, “THEY DIDN’T SAY ‘LARRY ISN’T REAL’ THOUGH."

That is a USELESS excuse. They do not need to say those three words to convey the same message. If that is your excuse for everything you will see in this post, you are helpless and clueless. Do not bother reading.

Lastly, if you are a Larrie and consider anyone in this post "irrelevant,” just remind yourself that you believe day old Twitter accounts who claim to have seen Larry with no proof. Everyone in this post has met the boys multiple times, is a good friend of the boys, or are family members. Not random people behind a screen who can easily make up lies.

[Image and video heavy.]

***Quick Note: I will post old screenshots if the reply was hard to find on my iPhone version of Twitter. Sometimes it just shows his or her tweet (which I would specifically search for) but not the original tweet he or she had replied to, then I will also post a screenshot on the current version of Twitter to show it is real. If the current version of Twitter shows both the fan’s tweet and his or her reply, I will only post that.

—————————————————————————————————

Stanley Lucas

Stanley had replied to Louis’ tweet about Eleanor and his anniversary. Shortly after that, Stanley’s started replying to Larries who were spamming and harassing him with tweets talking about how Larry is real and Elounor is fake.

He started by just replying with “weird” to fans. Then he tweeted the following picture:

This tweet has been deleted. If you are doubting whether or not it’s real, go type in his tweet and @ name. There are tons of quoted tweets from that day on that time. It was real.

He then tweeted the following:

He continued to reply to many fans about different things. I’m only showing the ones about Larry or Elounor. In the following screenshot, you will see the fan’s question and his answer.

Next, the screenshot is of the current version of Twitter. You can look up this tweet yourself to verify that it is real.

He continued on and on. Here is yet another.

Once again, here is the screenshot from the current version of twitter.

The Larries really did harass him that day. He continues on.

Love how he called the theory of Larry “rubbish.” Now here is the screenshot form the current version of Twitter.

Then one fucking idiot said believing in Larry was an opinion, and Stan was wrong even though he has known Louis for years. He replied to her as well.

Now the current screenshot.

One again, he replied to a Larrie. This time it included Harry.

I could not find the tweet to take a current screenshot when I searched for it. I didn’t scroll through his account. I don’t know if it was deleted or not, but it was real. There are many quoted tweets from it on the same day and time.

In the next one, he tells a Larrie how crazy her theory is.

Then he continues to tell Larries that Louis is straight because they are STILL NOT GETTING IT.

Once again, he sets Larries straight on the difference between a fact and an opinion.

—————————————————————————————————

Max Hurd

Max Hurd is one of Eleanor’s best friends. As far as I can tell, she has known him before she met Louis or around the same time.

On September 9, 2012, a Larrie harassed him by calling Eleanor a beard. He had the following conversation with them.

If you don’t believe this happened, feel free to search up the tweets. They are still there and ver underrated. Almost no one even noticed this conversation.

Next one. On February 27, 2014, Max again replied to a Larrie who assumed Eleanor was his girlfriend. Apparently, if you are a girl and a boy, you can’t be friends without people thinking you’re fucking. He replied with this:

Again, this got barely any attention. I wonder why. Once again, feel free to search up the tweets. They are still there.

Now let’s move on to Max’s Instagram comments. I will first post a screenshot of the picture the comments are located on, so those who want to look them up themselves can. Then I will post a screenshot of the comment he replied to and his reply.

Yes, this is his real Instagram. He has had it forever, and he is constantly uploading new pictures.

These screenshots confirm Elounor more than deny Larry, but just wait, those are coming up.

I like how he added the, “Deluded, weird, blocked,” at the end there.

These are really funny to me because the whole Gretchen and Tina thing is beyond hilarious.

Anyways, again, he does not have to say “Larry isn’t real” to tell you the same thing. Also, he only confirms Elounor once again. How many times has he done that so far?

“I am not going to answer any of your larry bullshit because I actually cannot get my head around how screwed up and cruel you are to accuse my friend of being hired to be someone’s girlfriend.”

“You need to open your eyes and stop seeing what you want to see and realize what is actually there. Which is a long term relationship between two people who love each other."

”…so piece together some weird fantasy for yourself"

Larries, look up the word fantasy if you don’t understand how this is a denial.

Next.

All of these started because Larries continued to harass Max about “Gretchen” and “Tina” even though he has already addressed it.

Max comments “Y'all need Jesus,” so a Larry Shipper comments, “Max needs to get dick out his ass and be more mature and Jesus isn’t real so no one needs him.”

Max then replies with, “Neither is 'Larry’ so you need to find a different obsession to waste your life on.”

DID YOU READ THAT, LARRiES? He just told you Larry isn’t real without using those words. Stop using your bullshit excuse of needing those three words in the same order.

Last one, finally.

Before anyone loses their shit, he did mentioned the girl again and apologized for the “Die in a hole you fucking peasant” part.

Anyways, he again does not say the exact words, “Larry isn’t real” but I think, “something that is as real as the tooth fairy” is descriptive enough for Larries to get the point.

—————————————————————————————————

Sasha Malik

—————————————————————————————————

Julian Bunetta

Julian is one of the boys’ songwriters and producers.

No, he does NOT work for Modest. He would work under the label.

Yes, this is his twitter.

No, he is not verified, but the boys have mentioned him in tweets before.

In the first screenshot, a fan is annoying Julian with questions as to whether Larry is real or not. He replied:

This is a perfect example of something I said at the beginning of the post.

No, he did not say “Larry isn’t real”, however he said it in a different way. You guys do realize what the word “imaginary” means, correct?

Also, if Larry was real, he would not have responded. He has no obligation to reply to fans on Twitter. He gets tons of questions, especially when he begins answering many fans at once. He did NOT have to answer, but he choose to. I wonder why.

This tweet is still there, you can look it up if you would like.

—————————————————————————————————

Simon Jones of Hackford Jones PR

I could not find exactly what Simon’s job title is. He definitely works at HJPR, he might even own it since his last name is in the company’s name. Regardless, his role at the company is a very important one. On July 19, 2014 he tweeted this:

I wanted to verify the fact that this company represents One Direction. The screenshot below is from their website. I highlighted the part that says they do in fact represent the boys.

No, this is not a denial of Elounor or Larry, but it is a denial that the company has even purposely fabricated a relationship. That would include Elounor, Zerrie, Sophiam, Haylor, and so on.

Also, I found this on their website. It’s a testimonial from Modest Management.

—————————————————————————————————

Fizzy’s Best Friend, Tasha

This happened only a few days ago, feel free to look it up. It is real.

Before you start questioning if this account is real, it is. Her Ask in linked to her Instagram, which Fizzy follows.

If you are a Larrie, before you lose your shit, she later said she knew Larry didn’t actually destroy their friendship. However, it still did affect it.

I don’t want to hear how Fizzy’s best friend wouldn’t know anything. My best friend knows everything about my life. When I am talking about shit that pisses me off, she is there to listen. I’m sure it is the same way with Fizzy.

—————————————————————————————————

Gemma Styles

No, this is not a direct denial. However, I do think it is telling of what Gemma thinks of Larry. Remember, she did not need to reply to this. She has fans tweeting her tons of things, and she is not obligated to reply to any of it. She choose to reply to this, and it was probably to deny the ridiculous rumor that she was “hinting” Larry was real. Notice how all their proof is assumptions that they believe are hints?

[Added Aug 2017]

But Larries can’t have nice things, so it was a matter of time really for Gemma to end up denying Larry. It was on Tumblr after she received this ask:

It’s been since then deleted, but that doesn’t take her words back. People that believe in Larry are a WASTE.

The next one is not a proper Larry denial, but more like the first example. Around week after Freddie Tomlinson was born Gemma liked this on IG:

Larries immediately took it as a sign, claimed she was shading “babygate,” and that it meant the denial of Freddie being Louis’ son was coming SOON (yeah, they always say that.) Of course nothing happened, and asked to clarify Gemma said this:

The mentality that implies that everything is connected to the thing that matters to them is actually a trait of conspiracy theorists’ mentality. Anyway, as we all know, “babygate” didn’t “end”, thus this became another sort of Larry denial, and proof that the family of the boys are pretty aware of how Larries work. She got to hear a couple of more complaints about it.

More recently, in 2016, Gemma posted a picture of a graffiti on IG:

Even if in the graffiti both human forms have blue eyes, some Larries jumped in, claiming that it proved Larry. Again, everything is about them and Larry, even if it’s Gemma’s IG and she has, like, HER OWN LIFE.

Yes. See the green and blue hearts so characteristic of the larriedom, and Gemma’s reaction. Sadly, instead of backing off at her reply that the post had nothing to do with Larry, they went after her and called her ableist, just because she dared to deny Larry. One moment they love you, the next one they hate you.

There’s no winning with these people. All we can do is wonder when the next denial will come.

—————————————————————————————————

Keith Tomlinson

Before you begin questioning if his account is real, it is. No, Louis does not follow him. However, other family members do, and he has posted never before seen pictures of Louis and himself.

I really don’t give a shit if you don’t consider him as Louis’ real grandfather anymore just because he was only his grandfather by marriage. Louis grew up with him. You don’t need to be related by blood to consider someone as family, that’s just fucking stupid.

Louis visits him often. He denies Larry. Get the fuck over it. Stop making excuses for it.

Remember, this post is of denials of Larry and confirmations of Elounor. Keith confirmed Eleanor with the very obvious, “Goodnight disbelievers” to all the Larries out there.

Go ahead, search it up to verify it’s real if you need to.

This next one is not a denial of Larry or a confirmation of Elounor, however, I thought I would add it in here to show the frustration with Larries.

Keith has absolutely no chill with Larries. (Personally, I think it was not necessary, but I think it’s just really frustrating to family and friend of especially Louis.)

Again, search it up on Twitter to verify it is real.

Keith literally has zero chill.

[Added: Feb, 2017.]

Keith passed away early 2016. He had a last quarrel with a Larrie who was spamming a tweet of Harry about a terrorist attack with “Larry is real:”

Keith wasn’t here for the disrespect and lack of boundaries. And neither should you.

—————————————————————————————————

Lottie Tomlinson

It isn’t even funny anymore. I honestly don’t know why some Larries continue to harass Lottie.

There was so much drama in the fandom when this happened, oh my gosh. Eleanor also commented, but we are just focusing on Lottie.

Yes, I know this is not a direct denial of Larry. however, like I said before, they do not need to say, “Larry isn’t real” to portray the same message.

I think “SHUT UP YOU DELUDED F R E A K S” and “Sit down and shut up because you people do not know A THING” will suffice. Next.

This screenshot is from when Lottie accidentally favorited a gif of Harry and Louis with the caption, “boyfriends”.

Of course, all the Larries lost their shit and seemed to have completely forgotten about the time she called them deluded freaks.

Lottie quickly un-favorited it and tweeted that. She deleted the tweet minutes after she posted it. You can search up the tweet and see a bunch of quoted tweets on the same day and time to verify it was real.

No, this isn’t a denial. However, she did tell Larries to go away and she admitted it was a mistake.

—————————————————————————————————

Fizzy Tomlinson

The first one I have is from when Fizzy did a Twitcam with her friend.

Fizzy did a twitcam in June of 2012. During it, she talks about Louis’ sexuality.

She says, “I don’t say it’s a bad thing to be gay. It’s just kind of rude to me because I know he’s not gay, and you’re all just like ‘No, your brother’s gay.’ Like, no he isn’t. Shut up.”

She then reads a comment that says, “Louis is clearly gay,” to which she replies, “He has a girlfriend!” (It is cut off).

You can watch it HERE.

Yes, I know. She only said he isn’t gay, and I can hear Larries say, “He doesn’t have to be gay for Larry to be real.” You are right.

However, Fizzy did confirm his relationship with Eleanor. I do know one can have a girlfriend, yet still be interested in men too. However, one cannot be in a relationship with his best friend and girlfriend at the same time.

Next.

I went through Fizzy’s Ask.FM. I did not scroll all the way to her very first answer because I found plenty before than. There are tons, and some of them (about Eleanor specifically) I did not add because it was not directly about Elounor or Larry.

Keep in mind. Fizzy gets tons of questions all the time. It’s her choice on which ones she wants to reply to. She clearly wanted to reply to this for a reason.

Let’s begin the long list of answers. They are not exactly in order.

The link was to the clip where Harry grabs Louis and kisses him on the cheek during an interview. Fizzy replied with, “Do you think if he was being serious he would do that in the middle of an interview?”

“Larry isn’t real but ship what you want,” THERE YOU GO LARRIES. THERE ARE THE THREE WORDS YOU ACTUALLY DON’T WANT TO HEAR.

This is something I always say when family members or friends deny Larry. It is ridiculous to say they are lying when they would just avoid answering at all.

“He doesn’t hate you, just your ship.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, Elounor is true love, and Larry is fake,” There you go, once again.

“You just see what you want to see,” HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I SAID THIS? YOU GO, FIZZY!

“If Larry was real, I would ship it but it’s not so I don’t haha"

Well, that was simple.

Simple answer.

There is most likely even more than just these. I only search back a little over a year and a half.

—————————————————————————————————

Niall and Josh

During a Twitcam from over two years ago, Josh was reading comments on the Twitcam he was doing will Niall.

One comment talked about Zayn and Liam’s ship name, which is Ziam. Josh then realized what Larry was. Niall says, "Alright yeah,” with a very dead pan face. They then begin talking about something else. Niall reads a comment that asks if Larry is real. As soon as he reads the comment out loud, he shakes his head and flips his hand as if to show he is annoyed. Josh then says, “I’m pretty sure Larry isn’t real, guys,” while Niall laughs.

I find this funny. This was only a few months after the first bullshit tweets. Niall is clearly like, “Do they not get it…?"

Josh did not even know what "Larry Stylinson” was. Wow! It must be soOOooOOO real.

If you read the comment sections, it is full of Larries who say Niall could have flat out said no, but he didn’t. Honestly, his reaction was telling enough, but I understand where they are coming from.

The whole, “If Larry isn’t read, why haven’t they denied it,” thing, is a different story for a different post I have in the works.

Whether you think Niall’s reaction was a denial or not, Josh denies it too.

You can watch it yourself HERE.—————————————————————————————————

Liam

I LIVE for Liam’s denials of Larry. Let’s begin.

The following picture is an old screenshot. In the current screenshot, it won’t show the tweet Liam replied to. I posted both so you could see what he replied to and see that the tweet is still there. You can still search for the tweet and find it.

The next picture is the current screenshot.

Next.

No, he didn’t deny Larry as a whole, but I don’t want to miss anything. So many people don’t even know most of these things in this post happened.

Next.

Yes, I know screenshots of DMs from either Instagram or Twitter can be faked. I almost never trust any DMs because they are faked quite often.

However, this one was real. The girl who Liam messaged back took a video of his DM and posted it on her Instagram. Her Instagram is now private, but I found someone else who took her video and posted it in their account.

If you are going to say videos like hers can be faked, please show me your receipts. I have NEVER found any. I have had many Larries act like know-it-all-shits and then go ghost when I ask for proof.

The DM is real. Next.

Once again, I would not trust this DM unless the girl had a video, which she did.

The link to the proof that the DM was real is HERE.

Let me explain what happened with this DM because many people were confused. This girl (@rtsophiam) was followed by Liam and Sophia. She had messaged Liam, asking if Larry was real or not. He unfollowed her. He then, being the kind hearted boy he is, re-followed her and messaged her that.

You can go check. She still has her Liam follow and she had it before the DM incident occurred.

Now, I know Larries were only say it was Modest. That will be their excuse for these DMs. Let me remind you of Liam’s tweets the same night this happened.

His tweets sound exactly like Liam. Go look up all of his tweets from October 2, 2014.

Also, notice his tweets about crazy DMs that are either fun, shocking, or strange? Hm. I wonder what DM he is referring to.

Lastly, during an interview, when asked to explain what Larry is, Liam said, “He’s imaginary.”

Again, do I need to write the definition of imaginary for you, Larries?

[Added: Feb, 2017.]

On his solo interview for Attitude Magazine (Sept 2015,) Liam had some words for the Larries, concerning Larry and Louis’ impending parenthood:

“People think of the Louis and Harry thing [that they’re secret lovers,] which is nuts and drives me insane.” The idea of Larry is, according to Liam, “nuts.” But he goes forward and call the Larries a “conspiracy” and a “cult,” telling that people make every gesture [of Louis and Harry] about them being together, and he knows “it’s not true” and it makes him “mad.” He knows “what’s what” [he understands the inner jokes and gestures] but has to hear “all these crazy theories.”

“I get tagged in drawings of Louis and Harry being together.” The 4th wall is broken. Well done, Larries. This is not fandom; this is not support. This is, as Liam says in his comparison, a conspiracy theory: “Imagine you’re the man who lands on the moon and you come back home to hear some people saying you didn’t.” Put yourself in these people’s shoes for once and imagine how it would be having people denying part or the whole of your existence. Liam stated Larry is not real and compared you, Larries, with conspiracists and cult people. He also stated that Louis was happy to become a dad, as he’s been for over a year now. When will you get the cue that your invasiveness is not welcomed?

—————————————————————————————————

[Added: Feb, 2017.]

Zayn

In the interview he gave to the Fader in 2015, Zayn had the chance to talk about some of his experiences in One Direction. The conversation quickly moved to the fans’ culture.

Talking about shipping culture and fan theories Zayn stated:

“There’s no secret relationships going on with any of the band members.” This is a direct quote from Zayn, that established that Larry (or any of the other ships, even those not majorly tinhatted, like his own ship with Liam) is not real. But he goes further and says the fan theories had an effect in the way the boys behave in public: “It’s not funny, and it still continues to be quite hard for them. They won’t naturally go put their arm around each other because they’re conscious of this thing that’s going on, which is not even true. They won’t do that natural behavior.” It’s not the gay rumors that affected Larry’s public bond, but the constant harassment and invasiveness, the fact that there are tons of denials and people still spams every single post of the boys (and friends and family) with Larry’s claims. It’s the same Liam said for Attitude, it’s the constant watching and interpretation that exhausted them; in Zayn’s own words: “knowing that everything you do will be parsed for subtext is a terrible mindfuck.” Congratulation, Larries, you played yourselves and ruined Larry for the world.

—————————————————————————————————

Louis

[Reorganized Aug 2017]

16/09/2012: Bullshit 1.0

Louis calls Larry’s theories conspiracies, and implies that the people involved in it aren’t lovely. He also addresses how those people give the fandom a bad name, thing that’s been proven to be a massive issue intra fandom and with media and GP’s perception of it and fannish behavior. He also refers to Larry as the “biggest load of bullshit.” The impact and following tantrum was so big that, to be able to cope Larries called the episode “bullshit 1.0,” because even if it should have ended that very day, they carried on, leaving room for even more denials left and right, and “bullshit 2.0.”

As I said, Larries got so defensive they ended up attacking Jay because, as always, she dared to speak up for her son and his girlfriend. Louis had to return and address the harassment again. His mother, people.

The issue ended that day with Louis making clear that HE DOESN’T CONSIDER LARRIES REAL FANS, and that any claim about anyone else but himself tweeting was inaccurate (sounds like he knew already the kind of theories he was dealing with):

Sept 2012: Chatty Man’s denial is reported in this article. The words quoted directly from Louis are consistent with everything Louis’ said on the matter to this day, that Larry makes things difficult for Harry and him, and that it’s disrespectful to his girlfriend.

“I just think it's really degrading towards her,” he explained, mentioning Eleanor again. What's most fascinating is that he admitted that he'd known about the pairing for a while, but that after a while it became more taxing than fun: “This is a subject that was funny at first but now is actually hard to deal with, as I am in relationship. Me and Harry are best friends. People look into our every move—it is actually affecting the way me and Harry are in public.”

Oct 2012: Louis calls Larry Stylinson “a conspiracy of fanfiction.” When Unreality TV asked about Larry rumors, Louis said:

There’s also a recorded interview with thehothits.com around the same period of time of Louis talking about the matter HERE. I leave you a transcription:

“I’m sure if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know that every now and again I’m quite outspoken. I think it’s important to speak your mind, and I’ve had a few rants recently. You know, people who have been horrible to my girlfriend Eleanor and to my mum, and I just don’t think people should be able to get away with it. I don’t go to bed and worry about it, I just think that people if they want to be like that, should be put in their place.”

We know you’ve been working on it, sweetie, but these people are so self-absorbed and selfish they don’t listen to anyone but themselves.

Nov 2013: Louis called Larry “a fucking annoyance.” Talking about fan theories and conspiracy theories, Zayn and Louis went off:

Looks like someone was pretty tired. You can read the whole interview HERE.

Do I really need to look up the words conspiracy and fiction for Laries to get the point?

21/07/2017: Louis denies Larry in an interview with The Sun. You can watch the video HERE (starts at 00:31.)

After relating the phenomenon to conspiracy theories, Louis states that “obviously there’s there’s not truth to it” [Larry’s conspiracy theory] glancing directly into the camera (like Larries always dreamed about) around 01:05. If there’re still doubts about it, or you don’t want to watch it, here are the gifs made by @slowhandsmp3:

And again a transcription:

Dan Wootton: Can you tell me what your view is on these people who are obsessed by a “Larry” conspiracy?

LOUIS: I’ve never actually been asked about it directly. It’s a funny thing. People can believe what they want to believe. It comes across as a little bit disrespectful to the ones that I love, like Eleanor. It’s like anything, if you google a conspiracy on iPhones, you’re gonna get a conspiracy. It’s one of those things people love to buy into, but in reality, obviously there’s no truth to it, obviously.

The same day The Sun published an exclusive interview where Louis went deeper in the issue:

“Louis and Harry’s friendship was also dogged by a ridiculous five-year conspiracy by a group of determined fans known as Larries.

They believe that the pair are in a romantic relationship that was covered up by 1D management, SIMON COWELL and even me (I promise you I’d have been delighted to report that Harry and Louis were an item if that were the case).

Sadly, Louis admits the pressure from Larry conspiracy theorists was a factor in their friendship struggling, especially given the serious relationship he has with girlfriend Eleanor Calder.He says: “I’ve never actually been asked about it directly. It’s a funny thing.“

"It kind of happened naturally for me and Harry because a certain amount of the fans drew up this conspiracy.

"When it first came around I was with Eleanor, and it actually felt a little bit disrespectful to Eleanor, who is my girlfriend now.

“I’m so protective over things like that, about the people I love. So it created this atmosphere between the two of us where everyone was looking into everything we did.

“It took away the vibe you get off anyone. It made everything, I think on both fences, a little bit more unapproachable. I think it shows that it was never anything real, if I can use that word.”

Louis again refers to Larry’s fan theories as conspiracy theories, and blames the fans involved in these behaviors (again called disrespectful) for the public, notorious separation that happened between him and Harry. This is consistent with the things expressed by Louis throughout the years, and also Zayn, for instance, who claimed fans made impossible for Harry and Louis to be spontaneous and physical with each other while in public. So congratulations, Larries, yet another confirmation that you killed what you loved the most.

31/07/2017: Louis’ denial of Larry Stylinson in an interview with Andy Cohen. As the media picked up The Sun exclusive, Louis was asked again about it, now in USA soil. No more excuses, Larries. Louis want to shut down these theories once and for all.

You can listen to the actual audio with words coming out of Louis’ mouth HERE.

Transcription HERE, but here’s a caption:

Not fans. Not anything, but “these people.” That’s how Louis refers to the people that come up with conspiracies about him. It’s over, people. You are not Louis’ fans if you deny his real relationship and his son. He warned you in 2012. Nothing really new to it. Just more denial coming up from the Larries. As Harry would say, SAD.

—————————————————————————————————

Harry

[Reorganized Aug 2017]

During an interview for 60 minutes Australia, the interviewer tells Harry, “Look, Harry. I’ve got to ask you about this one. This is Famous magazine. This says you and Louis are a couple. There’s pictures of you kissing!”

Liam, Niall, and Harry begin explaining that the pictures are photoshopped and that it has happened to all of the boys.

She then asks Harry, “Oh, really? So you and Louis, there is nothing going on?”

Harry replies with a simple, “NO.“ Yes, Larries, hold on. I’ve heard all of your excuses, and I will address them. But first see it for yourselves, I swear it doesn’t bite:

youtube

Before you say, "Harry had to lean into to make sure they didn’t have actual pictures of them kissing,” let’s talk about the interview where they asked if Harry was having an affair with Obama.

Looks pretty similar to his reaction in the Australian interview, doesn’t it? So, is Harry fucking Obama too? Of course not. If you go up to anyone, claiming to have pictures of them kissing their best friend, they are going to look. It’s just a natural reaction. Keep making excuses.

Also related to this same interview, Larries spread the lie that there is a picture of Harry crying from right after this interview.

NO, THERE IS NOT.

The picture Larries spread around claiming to be of Harry crying are from a completely different interview where he has been sick for a few days. The exact same shot is at 9:13, and it is actually of Harry and Niall laughing. It is not a picture of Niall comforting Harry because he was crying. You can check it for yourselves HERE.

See how deceiving pictures (and Larries) can be?

Let’s move on. Larries don’t acknowledge this denial, and they thought they were lucky enough not to go through the same again due to Harry’s reluctance to talk about his personal life. It was a gift that kept giving until it stopped. It happened again.

In April 2016, a Venezuelan fan asked Harry is Larry was real while facetiming and he said “NO.” It was referred through Twitter by user @kingcasique_ and reported by media in at least this video:

youtube

Sadly, these tweets happened between Victoria, the girl that chatted with Harry, and her friend [I can’t provide a link because the girl has been suspended on Twitter]:

These types of implications are NOT acceptable. NO means NO.

Troubles continued for Larries, because life’s a b*tch for them, since during the promo of his solo career (May/June of 2017,) in which Harry remarked again and again how honest his album was, he was asked if his solo song “Sweet Creature” was about Louis.

So Harry denied Larry again, stating that he would “lean toward NO” in the subject of the song being about Louis. Listen to his reply (starting to speak quite upset) at 00:10:

youtube

Teen Vogue picked it up and you can read the article HERE. But here’s a transcription of the statement for everyone to acknowledge it.

“Lean toward NO” is as much as a categorical statement as a single NO. The word NO is right there. And you respect the word NO, because NO means NO.

Asked about the fan theory a second time in USA Today, Harry said “Oh, is that a thing?," completely snubbing the rumors. And went further: “Well, whatever it is that it makes one feel. But I think if you listen to the lyrics, you can work out what it’s about.” Oh, Harry, you unlucky bastard. You have a tendency to catch hay fever and Larries.

—————————————————————————————————

Louis and Harry

[Added Feb 2017]

HERE is one of the first interviews in which Louis and Harry casually dismiss the rumors about Larry being a romance (the one of the “genuinely believe.”) There’s a politeness, a clear intention not to create drama with the denial, because at the time rumors were just starting to get fueled, but they still weren’t a proper conspiracy theory, as Louis would refer later when talking about Larry. It wasn’t the only time the issue was addressed in a relaxed manner, trying to shut down rumors, but with an intention not to alienate the fans. And here’s another:

youtube

This is what the YouTube poster of the video wrote as a caption:

“I ship Larry, honest I think they are so cute and I would love them to be together... but if they say that its not true, that it is annoying them, going too far or that they are happy with their girlfriends then as fans we should respect that and let them live their lives. If they aren't gay then it will upset them and their girlfriends, and if they are then its obvious that they can't or don't want to talk about it so really either way shoving your opinions in their faces and their family and friends faces doesn't help. I'm not saying you don't have a right to think that or have an opinion, but sometimes you might want to think about who its affecting and respect what they are telling you, whether you believe it or not.”

Enough said.

—————————————————————————————————

Alright. I think I have gotten most of the ones I could find.

I figured I would actually discuss them more in depth since I can kind of predict what Larries will say about it.

First of, yes I do realize people can lie. However, people do not go so far to call Larries vile, deluded freaks, fake fans, disbelievers, deranged, stupid, a lost cause, bitter, lonely, and fucking peasants. They would also not go so far to call the theory of Larry strange, ludicrous, bullshit, weird, as real as the tooth fairy, a fantasy, imaginary, fan fiction, rubbish, and a wasted obsession. (I personally do not believe everything said about Larries was necessarily appropriate, but it happened.)

Like I have said before, if they didn’t want to out Larry, there was no reason to lie. It can simple be avoided.

Second of all, if you believe their family and friends are under contract, go ahead and read these posts:

Larries’ Contract Theories I

Larries’ Contract Theories II

It is not only about Harry and Louis, but that Act protects their loved ones as well.

Also, like I said before, these are all people who have known Harry and Louis all their lives or are very good friends or are people they work with. These are not random people who claim to have met Louis and claim to have been told that he hates Larry or that Elounor is real.

I find it really doubtful that these people would not know the truth, and I think if you are telling yourself that, you need to really think about that.

[Added Aug 2017]

After reading all this, there’s no denial that the only constant in the seven-year-long 1D history has been these people denying the existence of a romantic relationship between Louis and Harry. And I’d dare to say that the only constant in the 1D fandom has been the abuse and harassment they have subjected these persons to because of it.

WORDS MATTER. RESPECT THESE PEOPLE’S WORDS. RESPECT THEIR TRUTH. STOP THE DISRESPECT AND THE ENTITLEMENT.

#larry #larry stylinson #larry denials #louis tomlinson #harry styles #original 1arry-isnt-rea1 masterpost #one direction #1d

319 notes · View notes

1295048306607 · 7 years ago

Text

Callout post for Rhiannon / tumblr user irl-harleyquinn / not-yandere-kuudere / otaku-umaru-chan

I have been planning doing this callout for a long time but I haven’t since it’s mostly personal beef between me, my boyfriend and aer. Now I’m at that point I can’t let this pass and I want aer to take responsibility of aer actions. I’m very sorry for this being so long. I’m going to make another post if I recall more.

tw for: abuse, suicide, stalking, pedophilia, incest

EDIT 12/8/2017: This post has been updated, ae has deleted some of the posts mentioned, but theres more evidence on their abusive behavior now.

Summarized version: Rhiannon has been abusing both me and my boyfriend since we met aer. Ae has sexually harassed both of us, sexually abused my boyfriend (the other callout on my byf), been generally unapologetic, copied my whole personality and done lots of bad things in general. For me ae caused episodes regularly; one time ae even ignored when I was this close to killing myself, ignored my triggers, ignored my well being in general, started copying my interests etc.

All in all ae is very abusive and this callout post is mainly made for aer to realize what ae has done wrong and try to change aer behavior in aer future relationships since straight-up telling aer doesn’t seem to help as proven by both my boyfriend’s and my experiences.

EDIT: Ae didn’t admit to any of these and lied about being sorry:

But then on my IMs (censored my irl name for obvious reasons):

NOTE: I have never done a callout post before so I dont know how to structure this well. I also don’t have lots of ‘proof’ or screenshots since I deleted our convos (most of the stuff happened on Skype) and blocked aer everywhere after breaking my ties with aer because at the time I thought ae would learn from aer mistakes, but I was wrong. Most of these are from aer blog or from what I could recover from my old blog.

1. Causing breakdowns on me, not taking me seriously, triggering me

Since I started talking with aer I got this ugly feeling inside my chest to which I probably should have listened. Ae was very clingy toward my boyfriend, ignoring that I had abandonment issues; I am diagnosed with both BPD and DPD and ae knew this. Despite this ae didn’t honestly think about my feelings at all. Below is one example of the gross things ae did to my boyfriend (which caused me to dissociate and have a panic attack) and didn’t change aer behavior even after this.

EDIT 12/8/2017: It has been revealed to me that ae used to sexually abuse my boyfriend which makes this all a lot of worse. Please check the details from my main blogs byf or on his blog.

Rhiannon also ignored me and changed subject when i was clearly in need of help or someone to vent to. This is me talking about my abusive childhood:

And this is me talking about my abusive mom in a middle of episode:

I honestly felt like ae might have been jealous about me because ae obsessed over my boyfriend so much. Me telling about my age regressing and young mental age and aer response is this:

A convo I don’t have screenshots of was me nearly killing myself and ae treated me the same as in previous convos. Ae was the only person online that late so ofc thinking ae was my friend I contacted aer. A mistake. This honestly scarred me a lot because there was a really big chance I had died that night and ae wasn’t helping me at all.

Rhiannon also talked a lot about aer sexual abuse which is kind of a triggering subject to me because of my own experiences. Ae knew this but constantly brought it up. Sometimes ae would talk sexually about my IDs which also made me have break downs. One time ae sent me a picture of aer nsfw art knowing it would make me uncomfortable. According to my boyfriend ae talked a lot about sex to him even though it made him uncomfortable.

Ae also was weirdly coming onto me even though ae knew at the time I identified as aromantic (censored my irl name again):

No Rhiannon it’s called being uncomfortable.

2. Obsessive behavior, stalking, copying, being abusive and manipulation in general, lying

Rhiannon bases all aer abusive behavior to “being mentally ill”. This is complete bullshit since ae does realize ae is being manipulative.

As mentioned before ae was really obsessed with both of us; but mainly with my boyfriend. Ae never stopped talking about my boyfriend when ae talked to me which made me frankly annoyed and triggered my abandonment issues. According to my boyfriend ae spammed him 24/7 and wanted to video chat every single day. Ae got upset if my boyfriend didn’t want to hang out with aer and during group chats commented on every single thing my boyfriend said. Ae spammed me too and after we broke our ties apparently still talked about me a lot as if we still were friends to my boyfriend which I honestly find creepy.

Aes obsessiveness sometimes got very creepy:

Even admits it:

I live in Finland and ae brought up moving here for a few times all over from America after my boyfriend which always turned alarms on inside my head. Here’s one of them and ae is making it seem like ae is half joking; ae isn’t since ae brought it up so many times (censored out my boyfriend irl name just in case):

Ae clearly didn’t notice my discomfort with this or rather didn’t want to notice. Ae also made fun of my grammar even though English isn’t my first language. My boyfriend told me later that ae was in fact a bit racist; ie. making remarks on my boyfriends ethnicity.

Rhiannon has/had?? a fp who ae was even more obsessed about and made a text post (which ae deleted after awhile) where ae wished that this person would break up so ae could be with them. This has also been confirmed by my boyfriend. Ae also admits falling in love yet another friend of aers:

Ae does stalk others too. After cutting with aer, my boyfriend blocked aer on text, facebook, twitter, tumblr, snapchat, skype and youtube, but ae still managed to reach him via pinterest with a long and hateful message.

Rhiannon admits stalking aer ex:

A really minor thing but Rhiannon used to copy my interests a lot. If I were interested in something ae was too overnight. This wouldn’t bother me as much if I didn’t have identity issues such as BPD and DID. My boyfriend noted ae did this to him too.

EDIT 12/8/2017: This wasn’t as minor as I thought it was. As I browsed through my old tumblr convo with ae I noticed that every time I told something about myself, ae seemed to become the same over night. Ae was stealing bits and pieces of my identity. I told ae about my mental health problems, ae had the same ones suddenly. I told about the fashion trend I was into, ae was suddenly into it too. I told about being an age regressor, ae was suddenly too. I id:d as bigender, ae suddenly did too! I told about being aroace at the time, ae became one as well!! My boyfriend noted that at some point suddenly aer blog was pink as was mine and reblogged and posted similar content as I did at the time even though ae had always been stating ae is goth and had dark blog before. Here is about me telling ae about how me and my alter like fairy kei:

Then later:

Ae didn’t bother even use the right terms.

Rhiannon also guilt trips a lot and threatens people with suicide. This is debatable if it’s serious or not, but every time things won’t go aer way, ae will make text posts guilt tripping how ae wants to die and how everyone abandons aer which was one of the reasons I forgave ae tons of times.

Ae also lies regularly. one example is when ae told my boyfriend aer IQ, then later admitted to lying about the number. Then again ae said ae was "lying about lying" about aer IQ. So ae is not a credible source and will likely manipulate the situation as ae sees fit.

3. Guilt tripping both of us while breaking our ties with ae

After I finally broke my ties with aer after withstanding aer behavior for almost a year, ae started guilt tripping me telling I shattered aer sense of self even though only thing I did was stopping being aer friend. I had constantly stated how ae could change aer behavior but ae never listened.

My boyfriend however got it worse. After he got fed up with aer too ae has constantly, I MEAN CONSTANTLY, been vagueing and name dropping him. My boyfriend hinted and tried to set boundaries but this didn’t help. Rhiannon is trying to paint my boyfriend as this awful backstabber even though ae was the one breaking boundaries.

Here is

A Few

Of them

WARNING!! They get really creepy, just showing how obsessed ae was with my boyfriend

Additional stuff:

Rhiannon has reblogged incest: (the characters are sisters in canon)

Rhiannon also approves a pedophilic ship:

AE REBLOGGED LITERALLY SEXUALIZATION OF A MINOR (note that ae is an adult too)

Theres a lot more in aer yoi + aer kin tag.

Ae also obsesses over an underaged character:

Ae talked a lot about this character, sexual stuff too, and it kinda freaked me out since she’s only 14.

Ae did stuff like this without our knowledge which is fucked up (note that my mom is a single parent and this freaked me out even though my responses seem calm):

Admits wanting to commit a crime????

The most recent thing ae has done is claim calling aer out on being manipulative is ableist. However, it is ableist to blame mental health for abusive behavior; this claim demonizes mentally ill people as a whole. (I edited out our names again; I’m black and my boyfriend is blue)

Not 24 hours before stating the above, ae wrote this:

Ae is showing clear hypocrisy here.

Rhiannon, please listen. All you can do now is apologize, try to change your behavior, dont make excuses blaming abusive behavior on you mental illnes. Just write an apology and then we can move on. You can’t get us back, but you still have hope for becoming a better person for your future friends. I will keep this callout up until you make a proper apology.

EDIT 12/8/2017: Since Rhiannon didn’t make an actual apology to me or my boyfriend and with the new information of ae sexually abusing my boyfriend, this post will forever be here.

7 notes · View notes

paintedrecs · 8 years ago

Note

You're such a good author!! What are you thinking when you're writing? And what's your editing process? If you don't mind me asking!!

Ah, thank you!! I’m very often thinking “wow I am not a good author” while I’m writing, so it’s always nice to hear positive responses once the finished work is out there. :)

This ended up (unsurprisingly) long, so be aware there’s gonna be a Read More.

My editing process is very, very nitpicky. To begin with, I edit a LOT as I write, so those two questions share some answers.

I considered posting a photo of a page I handwrote this week, but I don’t want to subject you to that. Suffice it to say that if I’m writing in pen, there’s a lot of scribbling and paragraphs that branch off into the margins and spiral around the edges of the page as I rework sentences and expand sections. Before I switched to writing almost exclusively on my computer, I used to use a mechanical pencil to make all that a little less messy. Still, though. Eraser shavings. Everywhere.

It seems like most of fandom swears by writing sprints, and I can’t do it. I either write in long, tireless stretches where I forget to move for hours, or I spend an hour writing a sentence, frowning thoughtfully at it, tweaking a few words, tilting my head to the side, changing it back, muttering, “No I don’t like that,” and shifting the structure until it fits with the rest of the story.

I spend a lot of time reading my own writing out loud, which is part of why I’m not usually that productive when I try to write in public. (Although once I’m in the zone, I’ll write on my phone as I walk to the grocery store, take the bus to work, etc. I probably still mutter to myself.) At this point, my poor neighbor has probably heard the entirety of all my fics in scattered bursts. I’ll read a single paragraph to myself six times in a row to make sure the pacing sounds right and the dialogue feels natural.

I’m a start-to-finish writer: if I write scenes out of order, they won’t work in the final version. With tide pulls, I wrote all this emotional, ultra angsty dialogue that I was expecting to stick into one of their final scenes, but by the time I got there, it didn’t fit. I initially tried to squeeze stuff around it to keep those lines intact, but it’s never a good idea to force your characters into something that they don’t naturally want to do over the course of the story. It rings false, and I think readers can generally tell.

That’s not to say that I don’t plan ahead or map out certain arcs or important scenes. I just don’t write them in their full form until I’ve reached that point. PDIW was much, much too long to plunge through without an outline; if I hadn’t marked down and organized all the emotional points I wanted to hit, I would’ve lost control over the scope of it. (Which is ridiculous to say when it’s over 200k, but it had the most detailed outline I’ve ever made for one of my stories.)

Still, though, pieces moved around a lot. I’d push a scene into a later chapter when it turned out that Derek and Stiles needed to talk to each other more before getting to that exchange. Or a conversation that was meant to be between Derek and Laura ended up being between him and Cora instead, catching both of us by surprise. Laura was always Derek’s best friend and confidante, but he turned out to have a lot more in common with his younger sister than he’d ever realized. Of course I had to let that play out.

There are a few sentences I desperately wanted to get into the final version, but they’re clumped at the bottom of my notes doc, along with all the other unused or deleted material. Sometimes you think a phrase sounds really, really pretty, but if your character doesn’t want to say it, that’s all there is to it.

I don’t have a beta for my shorter fics, because by the time I’m done writing, I’ve probably spent more time editing than actually putting new words down on the page. (Unless they’re tumblr fics or notfics, in which case please forgive the fact that they’re wobbly; they’re just me having fun!) That doesn’t make the final product perfect by any means, but I don’t have a regular beta set up to read over my fics for me, and I don’t like bugging people unless it’s necessary.

For my longest fics, I tried to rope in at least 2-3 betas. It seems like most people in fandom just share their fic’s Google Drive link, sometimes while it’s still a WIP, and have their betas all work in the same doc. It may be annoying that I don’t do that…but I want to get separate, unbiased responses. If multiple people tell me to fix the same thing, it definitely needs more work. With that said, I’ve found that there actually doesn’t tend to be all that much overlap, because betas have different styles in much the same way that writers do.

The fandom dream (or any writer’s dream) is to have a set, longterm writer-beta relationship, because it really does involve a lot of trust and communication. One of my PDIW betas was the wonderful @bleep0bleep , who prodded tirelessly at all my pronouns and long paragraphs but also took the time to learn my style and where I most need/want help. (She also laughed at me when I had conversations with myself in the comments while figuring out how to fix passages that she’d told me weren’t working.) She and other betas found gaps that you simply can’t see for yourself after spending that long immersed in your own story. I ended up writing a few extra scenes and expanding some other areas, and the final version is absolutely better as a result.

If this was going to be a published work, I would’ve ideally set it aside for several months so I could come back to it with fresh eyes. My posting schedule for PDIW was already months behind what I’d originally planned, and I was super eager to share it, so I rushed right into the next stage. I also very much wanted to start posting on April 1, since that was Stiles’s birthday in the fic.

So I finished writing the final chapter, gave myself about a day to celebrate, then went right back to the first chapter and started editing. My betas got those pretty-much-completed chapters, and I took their edits and suggestions and transferred them back into my central doc. Then I started drafting the fic on AO3, editing each chapter one final time as I was posting.

It was…tiring. I wrote the fic in about 7 months and edited the entire thing twice…almost three times?…in a little over a month. I’m going to give myself more leeway if I ever do that again. Thank goodness for my speed-reading betas, though.

I don’t know if any of that was the kind of information you were interested in hearing. Welcome to my writing world, I guess? It’s a little messy, but it has pretty intricate organization if you know what to look for.

As for what I’m thinking as I’m writing…that’s a complicated answer. Is it weird to say that I’m kind of not thinking anything? Writing is a craft, but it’s also a strangely instinctive part of myself that I tap into when it’s going well. I absolutely cannot write if I’m busy thinking about where a scene should go or whether anyone’s going to like reading it or if I even remember how to string words together. That’s the kind of thing that makes me slam right up against writer’s block. Or, if I do manage to get words down, they’re clunky and I’m never really satisfied with them.

When I sit down to write, I do my best to clear my mind out. I tap into my characters. If I’m writing from Derek’s POV, I’m seeing him - all his gestures, mannerisms, the actions he’s taking in a scene - but it’s more important to me that I’m feeling what he’s feeling. The same goes for Stiles, or anyone else whose eyes I’m trying to see through. I guess I’m an emotional writer? I want to feel things as I’m writing, and if I did it right, my readers should feel things, too. It doesn’t always work, but when it does, it’s incredibly rewarding.

Reading has always been an escape for me. When I’m wrapped up in a book, I lose touch with the world around me and slide into the pages, living alongside the characters. Writing’s the same way. It’s an indescribable, addictive feeling.

When I finished PDIW, it almost felt like I’d lost a part of myself, because I was letting go of something I’d been living with and dreaming about and spending so much time getting to know.

I’m glad I got to share it, though. It’s a wrenching, terrifying process, but you all made it worthwhile. The final step of a story is its readers. Thank you for being amazing ones, and for letting me share my words with you.

#pdiw #about my fics #long post #fic talk #Anonymous

18 notes · View notes

heartbuiltonhope · 8 years ago

Text

Just As You Are - Cassian Andor x Reader

This was actually a request that I received yesterday. It was as follows: Would you be willing to write Cassian x Reader when the Reader has built up an eating disorder after her last relationship didn't end so great? (Delete this if it's outside of what you want to be doing, or something.)

I don’t have any personal experience with eating disorders and I’m not sure what the experience is like so I apologize if it sucks. If any of you struggle with this kind of thing always remember that you’re not alone. Even when you think you have no one, you have me and I care about every person on this planet. My advice is pretty shitty but I’m told that I’m a great listener so never be afraid to message me. Enjoy. xx

Warnings: eating disorder, negative thoughts about self, angst, and fluff

You can hardly remember a time when you weren't always worried about the way you looked. It seemed almost normal to you to worry about each and every piece of food you ate and very drink you consumed. At first, the task was agonizing but now you have difficulty imagining changing your lifestyle. You will never admit it out loud but that thought sometimes scares you.

Of course, there was once a time when you didn't care much about such things. You used to have no problem with the way you looked. Sure, you had a few insecurities about yourself, as everyone does, but they never used to haunt you they way they do now. You can almost pinpoint the exact time in your life when your mentality changed. Well, it's more like you can pinpoint the exact person who changed it.

You grew up on Naboo and had a beautiful childhood. Your parents were loving and the planet was as peaceful as could be hoped for given the state of the galaxy at present. You even had a lover on Naboo, whose name was Jai. He was the most handsome man on the planet, you thought then. It seemed like every girl your age wanted him but he had chosen you.

You admired him for his strength as a soldier but he was also capable of wooing you with the sweetest words you had ever heard in your life. He made you feel wanted and that was enough.

Everything was perfect but then you noticed your love with Jai was withering away. He started to avoid you anytime he could get away with it. When you managed to track him down he wasn't as sweet as he had been. In fact, it wasn't until you cornered him after days of trying to find him that he finally told you the truth.

"Jai, please tell me what's wrong. I'll do anything to fix it, to fix us," you say as you attempt to wrap your arms around his neck. At your attempt, he immediately pulls your arms back down to your sides and your heart drops.

"We can't be fixed, Y/N. Please, just let it go," Jai replies as he begins to make his way out the door of your room. At his reply you couldn't help the anger that boiled within you. You hasten your movements and block his escape.

"If you're just going to throw everything that we have away then I at least deserve a reason why!" you yell as you force him away from the door. That seems to make Jai equally angry and there is nothing in the galaxy that could prepare you for what he's about to say.

"Y/N, I just don't love you anymore! I've found someone else," he starts. "You aren't what I want. You just don't look the part."

Any attempt at giving him an equally aggressive and hurtful response is suddenly shut down. Tears spring to your eyes before you can even try to hold them back.

"What is that supposed to mean? You don't love me anymore because of my weight?" you ask quietly.

Jai can only raise his arms up and make his way past you to the door. You don't even care if he leaves anymore and you'd rather not look to see him go.

"You can take my comments however you want," you hear him say behind you. You can hear the door open before he adds, "Good luck finding someone who will love you just as you are." Then the door slams shut.

You fall to your knees on the floor and cry. There seems to be no other option for you. You thought you would marry Jai and stay with him on Naboo. You wanted a family with him but within a few sentences he managed to tear up your heart and destroy your self-esteem.

You wanted to hate him. You deserved to hate him. But in some twisted way you just started to hate yourself. You hated your body because it wasn't good enough for Jai. You just weren't enough to make him stay.

Any hopes of staying on Naboo had left with Jai. There was nothing for you here so you told your parents you were joining the rebellion. They tried to stop you but you were decided. You left days after the incident with Jai and you didn't look back.

You thought the rebellion would help you forget about Jai and in some ways it did. You met people from all over the galaxy and you knew the cause you were fighting for was just. But your self-esteem never seemed to recover. You suddenly felt like a stranger in your own body and you just wanted to feel better. So you started watching what you eat, you skipped meals whenever you could, and if you ate too much or became scared of putting on weight then you just forced yourself to vomit. The results were instant and you saw the change. You were far more slender and you could easily see the bones of your ribs and hips when you stood in the mirror in your undergarments.

You started to like what you saw in the mirror and your habits became routine. You didn't feel any better about yourself but there was a sickening joy in your heart that your body was finally enough.

One of your most trusted friends was Cassian Andor. He was a respected captain in the rebellion with years of experience. You respected him as well but you knew your feelings went deeper than that. He was amazing. He had been one of the first people to welcome you after you left Naboo. He made you feel safe enough to talk about your past and he felt safe with you to talk about his. He knew almost everything about you, except your lost love on Naboo and your deepest and darkest feelings about yourself. There were times when you wanted to say something to him about it but you were afraid. You were afraid that he would think you were crazy for going to such extremes to boost your self-confidence but mostly, you were afraid that he would tell you that Jai had been right.

You finish up some work on the U-Wing that had been damaged in a recent altercation with the Empire. You had first thought of becoming a nurse for the rebellion but you eventually fell in love with working with your hands on the ships. For now, you were a mechanic but you also hoped of becoming a pilot so that you could get into some action for the cause.

You wipe your hands against the soft cloth that you looped through one of the belt loops on your mechanics uniform. You wipe away some of the sweat that has collected on your forehead and look at the clock. It’s dinnertime and most people are packing up or dropping their work to get something to eat. You decide to skip out on the meal once again and hope that you can continue your work without being disturbed. Every once in a while, one of your colleagues tries to shuffle you to the mess hall but after refusing so many times they’ve stopped trying. The galaxy seems to have other plans for you, however, as you feel a hand place itself on your shoulder gently. You turn to face the visitor and there Cassian stands, a pleasant grin on his face that reaches his eyes.

“Y/N, how are you?” he asks through his smile. The smile seems to be contagious as it becomes mirrored on your own lips.

“Cassian, hi. I’m good. I’m just finishing up this U-Wing. Simon has been asking about it for days,” you reply. Cassian’s smile becomes a smirk as he surveys your work.

“He won’t be disappointed,” he says while he runs his hand over the cool metal of the ship. You imagine him running that same hand through your hair and your knees suddenly feel weak.

“Thanks, Cassian. That means a lot coming from you,” you reply softly. You start to wonder why Cassian has approached you in the first place but before you can ask him he says, “I actually came over to ask you to accompany me to dinner. I hardly see you in the mess hall and it’d like to spend more time with you.”

Your mind almost short-circuits. It just sounded like Cassian was asking you for a date. But that couldn’t be. You were you and he’s…Cassian. There’s just no way he would choose you. Besides, he wanted you to eat. There was too much that could go wrong. Cassian would notice you playing with your food but not eating or you would just have to cut your time with him short to make yourself throw up in your living quarters. You just couldn’t do it. Cassian wouldn’t find out your secret like this.

“I’m sorry Cassian but I should really just double check my work so Simon can get his ship back in the morning. Besides, I ate dinner early so I’m good. Maybe next time?” you reply. It kills you to refuse him and you want to take back everything you just said but your brain won’t let you. It tells you Cassian couldn’t possibly want you and you just don’t look the part.

You expect Cassian to walk away after hearing your refusal but he actually moves closer to you. His smirk is gone but he still wears a small smile. It’s barely there and his dark brown eyes have softened. He suddenly looks sad but you aren’t sure if you’re just imagining that.

He opens his arms wide, inviting you into a hug and you don’t refuse that. You are immersed in his body warmth and your treacherous mind is quieted. You can just enjoy his arms wrapped tightly around you and the tickle of his breath against your ear.

“Okay then, next time it is,” Cassian whispers into your ear before he pulls away, wearing the same sad smile as before. You nod softly and watch him walk away until he’s out of sight. Then, you return to your work. All the while your brain picks back up its battle with your heart, telling you that you did the right thing. Your heart doesn’t seem to agree.

As Cassian walks away from you he feels his heart ache with each step. One part of him wants to hold you forever, to be honest with you and just tell you openly what his heart has been feeling for so long. Another part of him wants to question you about something he thinks has been troubling you since you joined the rebellion. He did want to ask you to dinner so he could spend more time with you but he was also testing you to see how you would respond.

He could almost see the defeated look in your eyes as you refused his offer. Not only that but he was an intelligence officer so he knew a lie when he heard one. He hadn’t seen you leave your post since you had a small plate of fruit in the morning and one piece of toast at lunch in the mess hall. He knew for a fact that you hadn’t had dinner today. Piecing all of this information together can only mean one thing and that thought frightens him.

He suddenly doesn’t feel hungry anymore so he passes the cafeteria to just get to bed. He knows he won’t be able to sleep but he makes a promise to himself to confront you tomorrow to find out the truth from your own lips.

He remembers how frail and thin you felt while he held you in the hug. He continues his walk to his room, his heart throbbing with each step.

You wake up early the next morning. Today is a special day. Not only have you finished Simon’s ship, which is ready for him to pick up, but it’s also your first day of flight training. Bodhi, a close friend of Cassian’s, agreed to teach you at the base so you could learn but still work as a mechanic.

You hurriedly get dressed and make your way down to the cafeteria. Bodhi promised to meet you at the hangar at dawn and you don’t want to be late. When you get there, you fill a small plate up with fruit and find your usual seat in the corner. To your surprise, Cassian is awake as well and sitting in the seat across from yours. It seems that he has also taken the liberty of filling a large plate of food for you, which sits steaming on the table. You can see a small stack of bread with eggs and some sort of meat. Your stomach lurches in want but you feel nothing but dread.

You attempt to make a beeline for the exit with your plate but Cassian seems to have learned your tricks.

“Y/N! Come sit. You owe me a date,” he calls out to you. There are not many people awake at this time but the few people present seem to perk up at Cassian’s words and holler at you playfully. Your cheeks heat up in embarrassment as you turn and sit across from the rebel captain.

“Good morning,” he says while he continues to eat this breakfast. He looks up at you questioningly when he notices you eating only from your plate and ignoring the one he prepared for you. “I got you some food. Eat it, please. Bodhi tells me he’s teaching you how to fly today so you’ll need a good meal to give you some energy.”

You smile softly and glance at the plate. It looks delicious but you worry about the effects it will have on your body. You tell yourself that if you eat like this everyday you’ll look like your old self. You’ll have the body that Jai was so repulsed by. You look up at Cassian and he has stopped eating and he’s just watching you. He appears to be searching your eyes for any clue as to what you’re thinking. He looks so desperate for you to eat something so you decide that you won’t disappoint him this time. Besides, you’ll still have some time to run back to your room to expel whatever you eat before you meet Bodhi.

You place a small piece of egg in your mouth and expect to be disgusted but it’s the opposite. You almost moan with the flavor of the morsel of food. It’s hot and smooth. It makes you miss home and for one second you miss your old self. The person who was carefree and not so worried about weight and food and other people’s opinions. The positive feelings you experience guide you to eat more of the food until it has almost run out. Across from you, Cassian has a grin on his face and enjoys his own food. He doesn’t interrupt you as you eat, he just watches you and you don’t know this but the throbbing in his heart disappears.

As you look at the clock you notice that it’s almost time to get to the hangar, Bodhi is most likely already there. You look down to see that the large plate is practically empty while the small plate of fruit has been untouched. Then, the guilt sets in. You just ate more in one sitting then you allowed yourself in the past week. You can feel the lump in your throat forming quickly but there’s no way you’ll let Cassian see you cry.

“I need to go,” you say shakily. Your attempt to stabilize your voice was weak and unconvincing so you don’t wait for a reply from the dark haired captain as you bolt back to your room.

Cassian watches you leave. The throbbing in his heart has seemed to come back with a vengeance. As he watched you eat, he felt a certain satisfaction with himself. As you took each bite, he felt the weight leave his shoulders. But now the weight was back as well and it was crushing him. He immediately gets up to run after you, leaving the dishes at the table. He just needs to make sure you’re okay.

You reach your room and close the door behind you. You leave it unlocked since you’re going to be heading back out in a minute or so. You walk to the bathroom and retrieve the toothbrush that you keep in a drawer for occasions such as this. You’ve done this loads of times and it shouldn’t faze you. But it does for some reason. You’re reminded of the enjoyment you had tasting and savoring the food and the enjoyment of having Cassian’s attention.

“What are you doing?” you hear a voice boom through your thoughts. Cassian is suddenly next to you and he reaches to grab the toothbrush that sits in your hand. Your instincts kick in and you try to push him away but he’s too strong. He forces the toothbrush out of your hand and eyes it. His gaze shifts from you, to the toothbrush, to the nearby toilet and the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. He walks out of the bathroom and into your room and you follow him in hopes of getting your toothbrush back.

“What are you doing to yourself?” Cassian asks again, more quietly this time. He turns towards you and there are tears in his eyes. You shrink into yourself as you realize the moment that you’ve tried to avoid since you met Cassian has arrived.

“I have to do this,” you whisper pathetically. Cassian’s face contorts in anger and you worry that he’ll explode again but he stops himself. He takes a deep breath, relaxes his features, and walks closer to you.

“This is dangerous, Y/N. You’re hurting yourself. You don’t need to be doing this…why? Why do you do this to yourself?” he asks. The tears in his eyes begin to fall and the sight makes tears come to your own eyes.

“I have to. When I was younger, I thought I had met the love of my life,” you start to say. A sob rips through you as the tears fall down your face. “He was perfect but I’m not. I wasn’t good enough. He told me that I just don’t look the part. I have to do this. I need to be enough. This makes me feel like I’m enough.” You speak quickly and feel yourself break down with each word. The sobs continue and Cassian pulls you into a tight hug.

“Shhh, please calm down. You don’t need to say anything right now. I want to be the one to talk,” he whispers into your shoulder. He pulls away to hold your face in his hands as your hiccups and sobs continue. “I adore you. From the first time I saw you I thought you were beautiful. I still think you’re beautiful. You mean the world to me and to know you’re doing this to yourself kills me. It’s kills me more than anything. That guy is not the love of your life. He’s an idiot who never deserved you. The real love of your life is standing right in front of you. I’m right here and I love you. I love you so much and you don’t need to do this to yourself. You are enough. You’re more than enough. I love you just as you are.”

Just as you are. Cassian Andor loves you just as you are.

Those are the words you thought would only bring you heartbreak but Cassian has just given them new life. Those words no longer make you want to hurt yourself. They make you feel like you’re enough.

You reach out to wipe away one of the tears that escapes Cassian’s eyes. “Cassian, I love you too. I never thought I could feel like I was enough but you help me to. You’ve always helped but I never thought you would want me so I just never stopped punishing myself for opinions that I knew didn’t matter. I want to be with you so desperately that it hurts.”

Cassian wraps you in another hug and just holds you for a small while. For once your heart has overpowered your brain and you feel at peace. Cassian nuzzles into your neck and you let yourself smile.

“I’ll always help you, mi amor. You don’t have to do these things anymore. I love you so much and I’ll never hurt you. You’ll always be enough. I’ll stand by you everyday and help you get better. I swear that I will,” he says into the room and your heartbeat gets faster. Your tears stop and your sobs quiet down and disappear and you feel renewed. You place a kiss on Cassian’s cheek and you smile widely at him. The dark haired captain smiles back at you.

“Can I kiss you?” you ask him quietly.

“Number one rule, mi amor…you never need to ask,” he replies with a small chuckle.

You grab at Cassian’s face and lead him down for a soft kiss. It’s short and sweet. You want to make it deeper but you remember that you have all the time in the world to spend loving Cassian so you pull away softly and look into the eyes of the man who loves you just as you are.

To the anon who requested this, I hope you liked it! Also, @princeofsassgard I finally learned how to tag for you! :)

P.S. Always remember that you are enough. xx

#cassian andor x reader #cassian andor imagine #cassian andor #rogue one #fic by me #reader insert

38 notes · View notes

harryandmeghan0-blog · 6 years ago

Text

The racist online abuse of Meghan Markle has put royal staff on high alert - FOX61 Hartford

New Post has been published on https://harryandmeghan.xyz/the-racist-online-abuse-of-meghan-markle-has-put-royal-staff-on-high-alert-fox61-hartford/

The racist online abuse of Meghan Markle has put royal staff on high alert - FOX61 Hartford

Racist abuse targeted at the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, increased on Twitter and Instagram in the weeks and months after the announcement of her pregnancy, sources have told CNN.

The racist online abuse of Meghan Markle has put royal staff on high alert

Racist abuse targeted at the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, increased on Twitter and Instagram in the weeks and months after the announcement of her pregnancy, sources have told CNN.

Britain’s royal family is beefing up its social media operation amid a rise in racist online abuse targeting the Duchess of Sussex in the months after the announcement of her pregnancy, sources have told CNN.

Kensington Palace staff are devoting more resources to deleting comments targeting Meghan, and blocking abusive Twitter and Instagram accounts. Software is being used to filter out the use of the n-word as well as emojis of guns and knives.

As part of the effort, the royal family issued a set of guidelines last week for people engaging with its social media channels.

Separately, the advocacy group Hope Not Hate analyzed a sample of more than 5,000 tweets containing the most commonly used anti-Meghan hashtags. The analysis of the tweets, posted between January and the middle of February, shows that a tight-knit group of accounts is behind much of the trolling.

Twenty accounts were responsible for about 70% of the tweets, sharing anti-Meghan hashtags, pictures and memes. The fact that such a small number of users generated such a large number of the tweets suggests that the accounts were created for the purpose of producing negative content about the duchess, Hope Not Hate said.

The Twitter bios associated with the users typically contained Meghan-related hashtags like #Megxit and #Charlatanduchess, as well as political hashtags like #Brexit and #MAGA (Make America Great Again), sometimes in combination.

Some of the accounts also shared links to far-right websites and social media pundits. Many posts used racial epithets to describe Meghan. However, there is no evidence that the accounts analyzed by Hope Not Hate are part of a far-right campaign against the Duchess.

CNN contacted Twitter and Instagram for comment. Twitter has since suspended a few of the accounts analyzed.

The small group of accounts that troll the duchess often retweet news articles that portray Meghan negatively.

Since Meghan and Prince Harry’s relationship was first revealed by the media in 2016, there have been references in articles to Meghan’s “rich and exotic DNA,” reports that her “family went from cotton slaves to royalty” and claims that the Los Angeles native was “(almost) straight outta Compton,” in a reference to the NWA song.

There was a brief lull in the negative coverage after Prince Harry instructed his spokesperson to issue a statement in November 2016 before the couple married, calling out “the racial undertones of comment pieces and the outright sexism and racism of social media trolls and web article comments.”

Yomi Adegoke, author of Slay in Your Lane: The Black Girl Bible, said Meghan was very much a departure from what most people associate with the British royal family.

“She’s foreign, not just by being American, but she’s got black heritage, she’s a divorcee,” Adegoke said.

“She’s just a very different type of person and somebody that I don’t think your average British member of the public thinks of when they think of the word duchess or royal family at all.”

Much of the trolling exploits the claims of a rift between Meghan and her sister-in-law, the Duchess of Cambridge. Where Kate is lauded by the media for exposing her shoulder in a dress, Meghan is accused by the tabloids of breaking royal protocol for doing similar.

When Meghan wears dark nail polish, the “vulgar fashion move” is criticized for breaking royal protocol “again.” Meanwhile, Kate is said to opt for “subtle” shades more in keeping with the Queen’s preferences.

There is no protocol on nail varnish in the British monarchy.

Type “Meghan” and “Kate” in to Google News and you get reams of eye-popping stories comparing the sisters-in-law based on what the palace says is a manufactured feud.

“It’s just clickbait,” a source close to both duchesses told CNN.

The pressure to produce ever more dramatic headlines to drive traffic is intense, perhaps even more so when it comes to Meghan than when Kate Middleton entered the royal family. Back then, the running theme was how Kate came from working-class roots.

So, is there any truth to the rift? The duchesses were in their 30s when they met, and already had their own established, close-knit groups of friends. And while the pair may not hang out together or call each other regularly, the source tells CNN, they are friendly and they text one another — linked as they are by a common bond.

The alleged rift has also been cited as the reasons Meghan and Harry are moving out of Kensington Palace and plan to establish their own office. But CNN’s source said this is more to do with Harry wanting greater independence, and William needing his own team in preparation for so-called “reign change,” when Charles will become King and William will step up as the Prince of Wales.

At a royal foundation event in February 2018, Harry and William suggested that if there were any disagreements, they were between the brothers, and not the wives.

The royal press pack has pushed back against accusations that they are biased against Meghan. They say they are just doing their job, covering the news without prejudice, and they claim they do far more positive stories about Meghan than negative ones. But online trolls have exploited the “othering” of Meghan on online news sites and gossip pages and reports of a feud between her and Kate.

Hope Not Hate researcher Patrik Hermansson said he was surprised to see discussions about Meghan, which he described as “pure conspiracy theories,” suggesting she isn’t really pregnant but is wearing a fake baby bump.

“The way I understand that … it’s an attempt to distrust and make her seem unreliable and distrustful,” he said.

Meghan and Harry’s forthcoming child will be the first known mixed-race baby in the royal family’s thousand-year history. Adegoke, the author, said speculation is rife about his or her likely appearance.

“There’s been a lot of talk on Twitter, not just from racists but also people who are very pro-Meghan, about recessive genes, about whether the baby will have an afro, whether the baby will have its mother’s nose,” she said.

“There’s all these coded conversations happening about what the baby will look like, and it sounds really horrible to think, but a lot of people offered up the idea that the blacker the baby looks, the worse its treatment will be.”

Hermansson said the anti-Meghan trolls have also seized on themes like so-called “cultural decline.”

“Meghan Markle fits into this bigger idea of the West and the UK in decline,” he said. “She does that by not fitting in, by being who she is, which is mixed race. People tie these things so much to what they think it means to be British, which is white. So, it has a racial element to it.”

“But there’s also this idea of cultural decline — [that] what we were before, a strong palace, a monarchy, an empire … is falling apart, and that of course is brought on by these other far-right conspiratorial ideas, like what mass immigration is doing with our society, the replacement of British people of British culture.”

That narrative has already been used to troubling effect; in December last year, a UK offshoot of a violent US neo-Nazi group posted an image calling for Prince Harry to be shot, according to a BBC investigation. And they accused him of being a “race traitor” for marrying a mixed-race woman.

“Those ideas can enable people and… motivate people to take direct action in a violent way. There are lots of examples of that in just the last [few] years,” said Hermansson.

Harry and Meghan’s 2018 wedding was hailed as a moment that united British society, and cemented the country’s connection with the US; the announcement that a new royal baby was on the way should have bound them still closer.

But the marriage and the impending arrival of baby Sussex have also exposed divisions which a very small group of people are keen to exploit to spread their message of hate.

Source: https://fox61.com/2019/03/07/the-racist-online-abuse-of-meghan-markle-has-put-royal-staff-on-high-alert/

0 notes