#sometimes a gay man has a true romantic relationship with a man who he burns down the world for

[holychopshopgalaxy]

imagine calling yourself a #1 flint enjoyer and not being equally obsessed with all 3 of his different & unique love relationships. or that 1 of those relationships would be devalued or less impactful because the writers and actors stated he's gay. couldn't be me could never be me.

[stratiotis-nth]

Castiel has been able to see Glimpses of people’s future when he meets them for the first time—specifically when he first makes eye contact. It’s the big family secret and Castiel hates that he’s the one stuck with it. It’s infuriating—Gabriel asks if Castiel could make eye contact with some hot guy or girl to see if he’ll get lucky, and Castiel ignores him every time.

He doesn’t see the person’s entire life when he looks like them. It’s more like…a tsunami of information. Sometimes it’s images or feelings or sounds. Usually, Castiel can’t make heads or tails of what he experienced, so he stopped trying to interpret them a long time ago.

At this point, the flood of information is an annoyance, and he’s done his best to just avoid eye contact altogether.

Maybe that’s why Castiel is so quiet and keeps to himself. He doesn’t like meeting new people if only to avoid the data dump of another person’s future. He’s thankful he doesn’t get Glimpses when he looks at anyone he’s already Glimpsed, because he’s never be able to look Gabriel in the face. And anyone who Castiel had accidentally Glimpsed before have long since disappeared from his life, and Castiel is such a recluse that he hasn’t had a new friend in years.

Until Gabriel was an annoying asshole.

His older brother practically wrestled Castiel out of the house they shared to go clubbing. It had been a close fight and Castiel had gotten damn well near to biting Gabriel’s arm—but he eventually lost because Gabriel threatened to trample Castiel’s carefully cultivated garden in the backyard.

For the sake of his plants, Castiel reluctantly ducked into Gabriel’s obnoxiously bright red Camero.

“This is a stupid idea.” He grumbled, crossing his arms and keeping his hands tucked firmly against himself. “I’m just going to be standing there staring at the floor like an idiot.”

“No, you’re gonna keep that chin up and meet some people, Cassie.” Gabriel said briskly as they drove to Downtown. “Glimpsing a few people isn’t gonna change your life. You need friends, my bumbling, weirdo brother.”

“I can live my life just fine without friends, Gabriel.” Castiel snapped. “I have you, my cat, and my garden. I work from home and can support myself if needs be. What else do I need?”

Gabriel sighed.

“You’ll always have me, Cassie.” He said. “But have you ever thought about what you want?”

No. Of course he hadn’t. Castiel hadn’t had the luxury of knowing what he wanted since he first discovered the Glimpses.

“Your Glimpses shouldn’t be what stops you from having a life, little bro.” Gabriel continued firmly. They were in Downtown now, string lights lighting the two way street and neon signs making the air gleam in multicolor. Castiel’s chest clenched with anxiety, carefully avoiding the stream of bodies moving up and down the sidewalks in case he made eye contact with as passers by.

Gabriel pulled into the VIP spot of his nightclub, Sugar+Spice and grinned at Castiel.

“C’mon, brosky, time to swim amongst the fishes.” To complete Gabriel’s inspiring speech, he slapped two condoms into Castiel’s hand and ducked out of the car before he could throw them back.

Grumbling under his breath about invasive brothers, Castiel begrudgingly followed Gabriel through the back entrance of the club.

It was loud, hot, and chaotic. Despite not having made eye contact with anyone yet, Castiel’s senses were immediately overloaded with noise and light. He could barely hear Gabriel over the din, risking a glance up in an effort to read his lips.

This way. He seemed to be shouting. Gabriel grabbed his hand and tugged him along anyway. Castiel allowed himself to be dragged, bumping through a crowd of people with his eyes fixed on their passing feet.

Gabriel took him up to a slightly quieter, less crowded second floor and sat him down at the bar.

“Alfie!” Gabriel called to the bartender, rapping his knuckles on the glass bar top. “Dirty Shirley for my fruity brother!”

“Gabriel!” Castiel hissed. He didn’t necessarily care if people knew he was gay, but he didn’t want Gabriel going on trying to get him laid.

“Coming up, boss.” Alfie called, already moving nonstop and smoothly as he tended to the other patrons lining his bar top.

“See ya, Cassie.” Gabriel clapped his shoulder. Castiel’s heart seized with terror.

“Gabriel, don’t you dare—“

“Sorry little bro, I’ve got club owner responsibilities to attend to.”

And then, Castiel was alone. Alfie’s slim hand set a red-pink colored drink in front of him and moved on before Castiel could think he would wait a second for a thanks. He was probably too busy to care for social expectations like please and thank you.

Castiel didn’t know how long he had sat there, hunched over his drink and staring at the bar top resolutely. Gabriel could drag his ass into public, but he couldn’t make him talk to people.

People seemed to catch the hint to leave him alone, or maybe Alfie had warned them against it before Castiel could sense their presence. Some tried, though, but Castiel just shook his head. That was usually enough to leave him be.

It was well after 1 AM when he’d finally had enough sitting around and staring at his drink to ward off horny one nighters. He stood, determined to find Gabriel and force him to take him home. He was tired, anxious, and terrified of this place and of people. He didn’t like Glimpsing—it was like intruding into their privacy and instead of doing it intentionally like how a burglar would invade a home, it was hurled at him when he didn’t want it. The last time Castiel had Glimpsed, the images and noises had been too much. It had overloaded his mind and nearly made him pass out from the onslaught.

The last time he had Glimpsed was the first time he’d met a future serial killer. One could imagine why Castiel didn’t like Glimpsing anymore.

He pushed his way through the crowd, trying to find Gabriel’s recognizable white dress shoes amongst the writhing sea of legs and lower bodies.

Castiel finally reached the stairs, the door swinging shut and blessedly blocking out the din of the dance floor. The peaceful silent lasted for only a moment, though.

“Whoa, Jesus!”

Castiel slammed into a very solid form and went tumbling backwards, his back hitting the bottom staircase with a painful thud before he toppled back onto the concrete floor.

“Shit, shit, shit! I’m so sorry! Jesus fuck, here, lemme help—“

The person he collided into was scrabbling down the last few stairs, kneeling over him and grabbing his arms.

“Hey, man, you okay?”

Castiel’s entire body was ringing with the aftershock of his fall. His back throbbed painfully, already promising a nice purpling welt.

Maybe it was the pain, or maybe the ringing in his head muted out higher reason, or maybe just fate, but Castiel drifted his gaze to stare at the person who had run into him.

The moment he met the pair of green eyes the color of matcha and wild grass, he was assaulted with an onslaught of Glimpses.

Warm, comforting yellow and orange, the color that light up a home on a cozy, winter night.

The sizzle, pop and bang of fireworks in a dewy field, ringing with a pair of laughter. Bursting, bright colors lighting up a starry sky.

Metallic, greasy smell of an auto shop, the sharp chemical scent of acrylic paint, the words Winchester Auto in neon lights on the top of a busy garage and art studio.

But the main image, the one that always came through crystal clear when he had a Glimpse—

was Castiel himself.

He couldn’t force the image away, or what followed after.

It was Castiel, looming over the man’s point of view with his arms braced on either of his vision. His own face was slack with pleasure as his entire body moved up and down in a very obvious thrusting motion. His eyes were bright and wide and so full of something warm and gentle and careful that Castiel didn’t believe he could ever really do that.

He closed his eyes, willing the main image and surrounding flashes of senses to fade.

“Dude, please tell me you’re okay.” The man fretted, his hands now cupping Castiel’s face and shaking slightly. The way the man was leaning over him looked so much like how Castiel was leaning in the Glimpse that it brought him back to himself.

He sat bolt upright, smacking foreheads with the man and immediately making himself dizzy again.

“Ow.” They both mumbled. The guy scrambled back to give Castiel some space.

“You okay, man?” The guy asked again, staring at him with wide eyes. Castiel’s first reaction was to advert his eyes, but this time for an entirely different reason than the Glimpse. His cheeks burned with the embarrassment of what he had just witnessed.

“Yes.” He managed, but it sounded strained. The man, apparently took that strain as pain instead of mortification.

“Oh shit, you’re probably all banged up, shit. Did the stair hit your back? Did it break the skin?” Suddenly, warm hands were gingerly touching his lower back, feeling for the welt already swelling. Electrical shocks rippled under his skin despite the layers of clothes between him and the hand, but Castiel hissed sharply when the pressure of his fingers hit the welt.

“Sorry, hang on. Don’t move too much, not until I can be sure you didn’t break anything.” The guy was completely unfazed by touching Castiel. It was a gentle touch, but definitely clinical. Was this guy a nurse? Doctor?

“I used to be a paramedic.” The guy answered Castiel’s unspoken speculation. He gently pressed around the welt. “Anything hurt?”

“No.” Castiel managed faintly, his brain already providing unhelpful scenarios where the man’s hand drifted lower and suddenly his last Glimpse was coming true right then and there—

“Okay, I don’t think anything’s broken.” The guy said, sounding relieved. “Can you stand?”

“Yes. It’s just a bruise.” Castiel said, his defenses rising with the determination to never allow that last Glimpse to come true. There were too many risks, too many dangers associated with having friends, let alone pursue a romantic relationship. For this man’s sake and for Castiel’s sanity, he would do everything in his power to stop that Glimpse from happening.

“I’m alright, thank you.” He said quickly, stepping back to allow an acceptable amount of space between him and the man.

“Okay, uh, good.” The guy said, ducking his head sheepishly.

Please don’t. Castiel begged helplessly, staring as the man glanced up at him through his lashes. He was undeniably gorgeous. Light brown hair styled lightly and freckled, tanned skin. Those enrapturing green eyes that made Castiel want to smother himself in that very shade, framed by long lashes. Plush pink lips and a little scruff that Castiel wanted to feel on his skin. Broad shoulders filled a worn leather jacket over a flannel and Henley. Oil-stained jeans and scuffed boots. Rugged and beautiful.

What the hell did future Castiel do to secure a night with this man? How did an awkward, nobody with a fear of people manage to have sex with this perfect, gorgeous man who could get anyone he wanted?

“Sorry about that, man. I swear I don’t go running into hot guys as a pick up line.”

Castiel’s jaw dropped, and the man went very red when he realized what he’d said.

“Ah, fuck. I-I didn’t mean, that’s n-not—shit, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that—“

“It’s alright.” Castiel cut him off hastily. “I’ve actually got to go. I’m supposed to meet my brother and he’s probably worried that I haven’t shown up.”

The man looked embarrassed but startled by Castiel’s hasty retreat. But he moved to let him up the stairs.

He was already a few steps up when the man spoke again.

“Sorry again, man.”

It was a mistake to turn back around, but Castiel did, perhaps selfish enough to indulge in the man’s beauty one more time.

Then something happened that never happened before. Castiel had another Glimpse when he met his eyes.

It was gentler than the first, like an aftershock after an A-bomb.

Deep, sweet spices mixed with buttery pie dough and tangy apple.

A warm, soft red that enveloping his entire body like an embrace to protect and cherish.

The man’s deep, rough voice murmuring “Cas” with such profound affection and care.

Then, Castiel’s voice answering in the same low, gentle caress of soft happiness—“Dean”.

This could not be happening.

[dreamersscape]

In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble → Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

[angeltrapz]

for the “give me a character” meme! Eric, Adam, William, Mallick, Strahm, Rigg!!!!

YESS thank u!!!!

Eric:

How I feel about this character: That's my boy!!! <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Uuuu okay. Adam, obviously, but concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Art, Lawrence, William, & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Him & Rigg!!! That's his best friend!!! + he and Gibson in the Eric Lives AU!! (Gibson IS dating his best friend + recognizes that he's made the effort to change <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: You Understand This but the idea that he's irredeemable/deserved to die is complete and utter bullshit. This post that you made perfectly describes my feelings on that!!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: Firstly that he. Y'know. Didn't die. But I would have loved to see any of his interactions with Hoffman? Obviously they knew each other + I like to think they have since they were in academy together, so there's gotta be some sort of history there, y'know?? I feel like he definitely cared about Eric so I would've been very interested to see more regarding that relationship! + one more big one: I wish he knew/was at least made aware of the fact that Daniel was ALIVE and okay. It kills me thinking abt how this man died not knowing if his child made it out.

Adam:

How I feel about this character: I loooove him he deserved better. I relate pretty heavily to him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Hehe. Lawrence obviously!! Chainshipping is a HUGE comfort ship for me. BUT! Regarding the SAW polycule: Lawrence, Eric, William, Gibson, & Mallick!! + when concerning that alternative canon continuity we've been talking abt, Strahm. But only in that circumstance lol,,

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MANDY!!! In any AU where she's either not a disciple or abandoned her apprenticeship, I firmly believe that he and Amanda would be best friends. Mean gay/lesbian solidarity siblings who would fight tooth and nail for each other + who get each other on a level that not many others can. Pamela also!! Along w Mandy I like to think they talk about their experiences being trans a lot + just bitching w each other lol.

My unpopular opinion about this character: IDK how unpopular this actually is but I 100% believe that Adam would never become a disciple in any capacity, ESP not of his own accord. I genuinely think he'd rather die. That's just not something I can see him doing in any circumstance.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish someone had gotten him out of the bathroom :( And in an AU where he lives I hope someone tells him what a bastard Zep was!! No one made that dude hold a gun to Diana's head and listen to her heartbeat what the FUCK was that!!

William:

How I feel about this character: He's such a sweetheart I love him,, <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Lawrence & Adam <3 in the polycule though this includes Eric & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: He and Pamela obviously!! His sister is his best friend and they're there for each other 100%.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Much like Eric I don't think he deserved to die/that he's completely irredeemable... he fights so hard to save everyone and is utterly devastated when he can't. He's willing to hurt himself to save others (nearly dislocating his shoulders trying to keep both Addy and Allen, burning himself with the steam for Debbie, etc.) and it's like. John is always talking about how it can't be personal but it seems pretty fucking personal here!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: The fact that nobody saw how hard he fought for his coworkers + the sacrifices he made for them upsets me to no end. That was intentional. John didn't want Tara + Brent (or Pamela for that matter!) to see him as human and that fucking bothers me!! So basically I just wish that they could've seen it via camera like literally almost every trap victim gets in some capacity!!

Mallick:

How I feel about this character: Yet another character I relate to wayyy too much <33 I love him...

All the people I ship romantically with this character: BRIT!!! + concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Eric, William, & Lawrence!! (Art maybe too,,)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I like to think he and Laura would've gotten along actually? I feel like that would be a good, healthy friendship. And I do like the idea of he and Brit like this too!! Other than that maybe Mandy? I feel like they could relate to each other a little bit, help each other when they're feeling brainweird,, (Mallick n Mandy: havers of Symptoms Disorder <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Again I don't know if it's unpopular, persay, but uh. I don't think the Mallick we meet in V would willingly sit and listen to Bobby Dagen in 3D. He'd hate that dude. My take on it is that Brit didn't survive V (although I think read somewhere that the crew confirmed she survived?) and that's why he was there: because he'd lost the one true connection he'd made in god knows how long. That's rlly the only way I see him sitting thru Dagen's bullshit lmao.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wanted him to see Brit again,, and I just wanted to see him more in general tbh, esp because he makes a reappearance where so many prior Jigsaw survivors do not. I would've liked to see him interact with Simone given that they both lost a limb/nearly a limb (in Mallick's case). This is related to that, but I also wish the evidence of the 10 Pints trap wasn't just. A tiny scar? I HC that it took his whole hand, so.

Strahm:

How I feel about this character: Ohhh my beloved. Why didn't they give you a better narrative it would've been SO interesting. I love you though <3

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly? Still super fond of Gibson/Strahm in a scenario where things are different,, I've written quite a bit abt them and kinda want to again but if I do it'll probably be. Not for a while + VASTLY different. but recent additions have been Hoffman (I used to. not understand Stroffman whatsoever. now I Get It) and Adam!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: PEREZ!!! I've always thought of them as best friends since I first saw IV, and I do think he genuinely cared about her - quite a lot, actually, esp given how devastated he was when she was injured. They hang out at each other's apartments all the time + get coffee regularly. I love them.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't think he's a dumbass?? I don't know if that's unpopular. I think that he's IMPULSIVE and that it gets him into trouble, but Strahm has always struck me as incredibly intelligent + has a good moral compass for the most part?? I mean, he figured out there was a second apprentice (second as far as he knows, anyway) helping with traps just by examining Kerry's crime scene. I think he's VERY smart. He just acts quickly + sometimes that means there's not much planning for if things go south. (I DO agree that showing up to the packing plant w/out backup was dumb though,, doesn't mean he DESERVED the Water Cube but y'know)

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: It's not really mentioned if he does in canon, but I wish he'd been made aware of the fact that Perez was alive,, it bothers me that he might've died not knowing she was okay. The other thing is that I wish he'd survived V!!! I think it would've been WAY more narratively satisfying for him to kinda follow in Tapp's footsteps as a vigilante Jigsaw hunter. (That's why I love yr takes on him so much!!)

Rigg:

How I feel about this character: He has such a big heart. He cares so so much. I wish ppl talked about him more :(

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Gibson!!! And uhh Hoffman, but they're exes,, but! In a scenario I'm kind of going over in my head, maaaybe Adam... the basics though is that he searches the Nerve Gas House independently and somehow finds the Bathroom following II, and He is the one to rescue Adam. Very tentative abt that one though bc I'm still working it out lol. (Possibly Eric/Adam/Rigg???)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Eric!!! His best friend <3 I think he's also pretty close with Kerry, though I think he hangs out w her independent of Eric given,, the messy ex situation. I think he probably got along well with Fisk too!! OH and I think he and Sing would've been good friends as well. The chaos of a Rigg/Gibson/Sing friend trio...

My unpopular opinion about this character: Mmm I don't know that I have one? Other than maybe like. I understood why he went through the door. He knew Eric was on the other side; he just didn't know the circumstances or what would happen if he went through. All he knew was that he was that much closer to someone he's been trying to find/rescue for MONTHS + someone he cares for deeply. Of COURSE he went through. He breaks my heart ugh,,,

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish he hadn't even been tested!!!! His one flaw was that he cared about ppl and somehow John saw that as something he needed to fix!!! Like yes I do agree that it was eating away at him and the obsession might've been unhealthy, but that's two of his closest friends dude!! I don't think he deserved to be tested for that. I don't. He just wanted to help ppl and keep them safe. I absolutely despise how Rigg was treated dkjflkdf!!!!

[kaypeace21]

something i noticed, during the s3 byler argument, Mike says “El’s not stupid, it’s not MY fault you don’t like girls.” Mike’s “it’s not my fault” doesn’t fit as a retort, the theme of his retort should be defending El. He should have said “it’s not HER fault you don’t like girls”. Knowing there were other versions of that line the writers must have consciously chosen to leave this one in, knowing how it could be interpreted. anyway, do you have any idea why mike even said that line?

Yes, I have talked about it -here (in my long ‘why Mike is gay post’). But since so many people misinterpret the meaning of Mike’s words- might as well do a shorter/more brief version .And do a post focusing on it. HE’S SAYING THIS TO HIMSELF!

First some background

Mike DOES NOT think Will is gay. Dustin foreshadows their fight in s1 saying “Dustin: “He’s just jealous.”  Mike: “What?” Dustin: “Sometimes your total obliviousness just blows my mind?”  Dustin: “ What matters is, he’s your best friend. And then this girl shows up… and all you ever want to do is spend time with her!” Mike: “that’s not true!”

Dustin:  “Yes it is! And you know it. And he knows it. But no one ever says anything until you’re both start… yelling at each other like goblins with intelligence scores of 0. And now everything is weird”

Mike: “He’s not my best friend! … I mean he is. But so are you.”

 He won’t let himself consider that Will could be gay because then it would be harder to pretend he isn’t gay himself . That it isn’t just a weird phase that he’ll grow out of. We see that throughout the show Mike is projecting his feelings for Will on to El . Who in s1 was described by 5 characters as looking like a boy (and specifically like Will, by 3 characters ). There’s just way too many examples of him projecting to list here. But s3 we see Mike is trying to mimic romantic moments between him and Will (from s2) to El (in s3). In order to transfer his romantic feelings for Will on to El. The “blank makes you crazy” vs “crazy together”, the shed scenes of “most important thing” vs “the best thing I’ve ever done”,etc.

The difference between past seasons though, is that Mike is now conscious that he’s doing this. The more feminine El gets- the harder for him it is to pretend. Especially now that they’re going through puberty- and the physical differences between boys and girls is becoming more prominent. We see this in the first ep of s3.  I talked about it more here, but the Duffers use music with all the characters to convey plot points or the emotions of the characters. One example is when Mike forces Will to dance with a girl so he ‘fakes a smile’. 

So yes, the fact that the very first lyrics that play when we see mileven kiss for the first time  is “Just a little uncertainty can bring you down”-  reflects Mike’s true feelings.And we know this is how Mike (not El) feels about their relationship because he begins to sing the song right after this lyric.The song is even from the album titled “boy in the box”. AKA: Mike is in the closet

“And nobody wants to know you now. And nobody wants to show you how.So if you’re lost and on your own. You can never surrender.” He fears that if he isn’t straight everyone he cares about will abandon him, and that he’d be lost and the only one ‘like this’ -all alone.But he can’t ‘surrender’ the false-idea of being in love with El (out of fear). This is the rural Indiana in the 80s- at the height of the aids epidemic. People on the news said gay people were being rightfully punished with the ‘gay cancer’ (aids). They equated being gay with being a perv, p*d*phile, murderer, or mentally ill. Churches said you’d ‘burn in hell’. In rural areas people would form gangs and murder people they thought were gay. Of course Mike is terrified and wants to be straight! His parents in s2 were Reagan supporters. And Reagan was notoriously homophobic. He’s probably afraid his parents will hate him, kick him out, or that someone will kill him or he’ll die from aids by simply kissing a boy.

  We see Mike is doing his own f-ed up form of conversion therapy. He kisses El but he puts on the wall a drawing of Will so he can look at it while he kisses her. Probably hoping to transfer his romantic feeling for Will on to her.

Like that’s Will! He has light brown hair (not black) and Will is the only one associated with fire and has drawn himself with fire in the past. And Will even overlaps with the rainbow drawing that reads “mike”  before we see the mileven kiss. It was intentional.

So when Will Says “you’re ruining everything (their relationship) .And for what?! So you can swap spit with some stupid girl.”

This infuriates Mike because he thinks swapping spit with El is the best way to save their relationship! And he’s been trying to ‘fix himself’ so Will doesn’t hate him- and it hasn’t been working, to Mike’s frustration. So he screams “El’s not stupid, it’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” because he’s projecting. And although, he loves Will… a part of him probably is a bit angry that he’s making him feel this way. 

Mike never actually says to El’s face that he loves her- he even says during his fake-confession  “[old people] say it”.And later Mike apologizes to El and says “sorry, I sound like a [7 year old].” Aka the number Will rolled in s1. Right after he discusses d&d with Will and talks about seeing both of them for the Hollidays. So it’s telling that after he says “El’s not stupid . it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” (to himself). He immediately regrets yelling at Will. He even closes his eyes and takes a breath before continuing.  And apologizes,  by giving a heteronormative answer of:  

“I’m not trying to be a jerk, but [we’re not kids anymore]. What did you think, really?! that we’d never get girlfriends. That we’d just sit in my basement and play games for the rest our lives?” 

Mike is yelling this at himself to keep his feelings for Will under control.El is an idea to Mike about what adulthood is- which is why he doesn’t really defend el (and his ‘love’ for her) but just talks about “girlfriends” in an abstract way.  This was essentially Mike telling  himself-  he’s NOT allowed to just be with Will and never have a gf. He has to grow out of his ‘childish feelings’ for Will- before it’s too late, because being a gay man is dangerous.  That’s why when the camera is on Mike (when he looks back a the byers house -and they only show Will and Mike). The dialogue is  “But I know you’re getting older, growing, changing. I guess, if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change.”He doesn’t want things to change (and his feelings for Will to evolve into love, because that means Mike has to admit he’s gay and accept his future as a gay man-which at the time, didn’t seem very bright). They both are afraid of the future because of this. Mike tries to act like a ‘straight-adult’ and Will tries to revert back into his childhood because of this. 

Mike also mentions “games’ because d&d is a symbol of byler’s romantic relationship. He’s just pretending to not enjoy the d&d game. Mike says they have to get girlfriends and they can’t play games for the rest of their lives. But that’s what Mike wants- he just wants to be with Will for the rest of his life (playing games) without either of them having girlfriends. Because, we see Mike never took any of Will’s d&d art off his walls.Even though he changed his poster (from the same wall  that had will’s drawings on it) Mike couldn’t remove any of Will’s d&d art.  It was an act - which is why he was upset (in the last episode) when Will was donating the game, and why during the Hopper speech,  it pans to Mike as Hopper says “I miss playing board games every night.”

Mike even has a binder filled with every d&d drawing Will has ever given him.

In the pilot, they even say Will uses d&d to “escape” his insecurities about his sexuality “like mike” & Mike uses d&d to “escape” his insecurities about not having a gf.  * And no, dustin & Lucas didn’t use d&d to “escape” anything- in the pilot script.

And right before Mike says the famous “crazy together”line it zooms in on Mike’s d&d set.

The  “crazy together” scene is romantic since both Mike & Flo both equate love making you ‘crazy’. Mike saying “it makes you crazy” and Flo saying saying in s1 “ only love makes you crazy and that damn stupid”). 

(x)(x)

Mike is lying about his feelings for El- and El is just confused about her feelings for Mike.  The only one’s with mutual feelings for Mike is Will! Will even has a breakdown and goes ‘crazy’ after seeing a pic of them the night they promised to go crazy together - and then Will repeatedly calls himself ‘stupid’ . Because this is when he realizes and admits to himself he’s in love with Mike. And so he grabs a bat (that his dad- who called him a ‘queer’ taught him to use) and destroys castle Byers in a fit of anger and self-hate. That fight was what caused Will to realize his feelings for Mike and the jealousy he had been feeling were because he was in love with Mike. When Mike asks “what did you think, really? That we’d never get girlfriends… play games for the rest of our lives?” 

Will is 100% honest a says brokenly “yeah. I guess I did” And then says angrily “I really did!” . Even if both don’t understand the gravity of their words in that moment Will was honest- he doesn’t want to ever have a girlfriend he just wants to be with Mike for the rest of his life. And Mike, who assumes Will is straight, is shocked that this conversation upset Will. Or that he would disagree with his words.

And again their last conversation (about d&d is very telling and is foreshadowing). What Will meant when he said ,  “I’ll just use yours when I come back- I mean… if WE still wanna play”. Is essentially foreshadowing that the ball is in Mike’s court. If he wants to be with Will for the rest of his life he has to initiate it and prove he loves Will after pretending for so long to love El, instead.

gif credit:  first 2 gifs ampwn98 , 3th gif by janebycrs, 5th gif Cath-avery , 4 & 6th gifs mine

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing 12-18 July 2020

Here’s this week’s roundup!

Remember to give your content creators some love! And join in on the events at the bottom!

~Mod Hel

Fanfiction/Snippets/AU Ideas:

@anaranesindanarie​

Man Lion Thing Dude (Ch. 11) https://archiveofourown.org/works/22449241/chapters/61250557

Mature

Trowa Barton/Duo Maxwell, Triton Bloom/Duo Maxwell

Duo Maxwell, Triton Bloom, Heero Yuy, Quatre Raberba Winner, Chang Wufei, Relena Peacecraft, Dorothy Catalonia, Rashid Kurama, Catherine Bloom, Original Trowa Barton, Treize Khushrenada, Zechs Merquise, Lady Une, Sister Helen (Gundam Wing), Maxwell Shinpu | Father Maxwell, OC's, Original Characters, Hilde Schbeiker, Lucrezia Noin, Solo (Gundam Wing), Long Meilan

Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Were-Creatures, Angst, Alternate Universe, Supernatural Creatures, Family Problems, Arranged Marriage, body guards, mentions of torture, Smut, Wizards, Magic, spells

Duo Maxwell is estranged from the last of his remaining family who are demanding that he return home for an important announcement. Meanwhile, Duo has been having strange encounters with 'wild' animals, all of whom seem to be hunting him.

@bobo-is-tha-bomb​

Bad Publicity https://archiveofourown.org/works/25358377

M/F, Heero Yuy/Reader

Heero Yuy, Reader, Hilde Schbeiker

Romance, Drama, Reader Insert, Alternate Universe

You stared, eyes wide with horror, at the front page’s headlines. You quickly made your way to the kitchen, sitting down at the table to scan the article’s content.

@chronicwhimsy​

Strangers (Ch. 7) https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357013?view_full_work=true

Chang Wufei/Duo Maxwell, Background Quatre x Relena, Background Heero x Trowa - Character

OC - Oliver McGann

Long Lost Twins, this was meant to be hijinks but then I got reminded these boys have Issues, Pining, Duo is a stressed-out jerk who needs a holiday, Post-EW, Frozen Teardrop can do one, sex in later chapters

If you said the word "brother" to Duo Maxwell, he'd think of the other pilots.

If you said, "no, your long-lost brother" to Duo Maxwell, he'd think of Solo and be very confused.

If you said, "no, your twin brother you were separated from at birth, and he's now working with the Preventers as a lawyer" to Duo Maxwell, he would go and punch his doppelganger.

Duo Maxwell isn't good at dealing with things, but unfortunately this particular thing isn't going to go away that easily.

@doctormegalomania​

Your Body’s Poetry (Ch. 21) https://archiveofourown.org/works/20438891/chapters/61448776

Mature

Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton/Quatre Raberba Winner, Chang Wufei/Original Female Character(s), Relena Peacecraft & Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell/Original Male Character(s)

Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, Chang Wufei, Sally Po, Relena Peacecraft, Lucrezia Noin, Zechs Merquise, Hilde Schbeiker

Past Relationship(s), Slice of Life, Post-Break Up, Slow Burn, Developing Relationship, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence

Long after the wars, long after peace is established the Gundam Pilots discover one immovable fact: Relationships are hard work.

@duointherain​

Beneath: Leprechauns and Clovers (Ch. 8) https://duointherain.tumblr.com/post/623591090469191680/fic-beneath-leprechauns-and-clovers-8

Note: I am taking wild liberties with Irish lore. 

“I sorry,” Duo said, genuinely sorry he couldn’t give them what they were asking for, “but I don’t speak Banshee.  I barely speak fucking proper Earth English and fuck does that piss folk off sometimes. Why can’t I just kill him? He can’t fuck Rey if he’s dead.”

Beneath: Leprechauns and Clovers (Ch. 9) https://duointherain.tumblr.com/post/624032787912114176/fic-beneath-leprechauns-and-clovers-9

Note: I’m doing Google’s CSSI this summer and one of the cool things they gave us was like an hour long lecture by Dr. Adia Gooden on unconditional self-worth. So that’s where the good advice comes from in this chapter. Link at the bottom. 

Fingers on his forehead, thumbs on his jawbones, Duo applied pressure and tried to force back the confusion and irritation. For one thing, he was very, very tired of being outside of his body. This shit wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be real, but there he lay on the hearth, hair undone like some maiden in a story with the defense rating of an unattended pastry.

@lifeaftermeteor

LAM!Verse https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/624025327508832256/private-island-location-redacted-fiji-south

Private Island [location redacted]

Fiji, South Pacific

12 August 211

“You’re in my sun,” Quatre said with a grimace, his eyes still closed, to the shadow looming over him.

Respite https://archiveofourown.org/works/25361758

F/F, Lucrezia Noin/Sally Po, Sally Po/Lady Une, Lucrezia Noin/Lady Une, Lucrezia Noin/Sally Po/Lady Une

Romance, Slice of Life, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Post-Canon, Post-Series, Post-Endless Waltz, Non-binary character, Non-Binary Noin, Polyamory

Noin, Po, and Une take some time away from their responsibilities and daily lives to take a much-deserved romantic retreat out into the woods.

Pride https://archiveofourown.org/works/25361545

Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Post-Canon, Post-Series, Post-Endless Waltz, Fluff, Pride, Gay Pride, Short & Sweet, Slice of Life, Asexual Character, Asexual Duo Maxwell

Duo has only recently come to terms with his asexuality. It took him a long time to understand it, and even longer to embrace it as inherently part of himself. To celebrate, Heero takes him out onto the streets for New York City’s Pride.

Yoiko

Ai no Gekisen (Ch. 12) https://archiveofourown.org/works/7947910/chapters/61463575

Explicit

Gundam Wing, Ai no Kusabi

Zechs Merquise/Heero Yuy

Zechs Merquise, Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton

Rape/Non-Con, dark themes, Sexual Slavery, Bondage, this is not BDSM because there is no consent, Spanking, Public Humiliation, Public Sex, Literal objectification, Aphrodisiacs, Chastity Device, Non-Consensual Drug Use, stress positions, Threats, no actual incest happens in this story

"Given your condition," Zechs said, opting for amusement, "I can't really ask you your name. I think I'll name you 'Heero.' "

katopiyo

Answers https://archiveofourown.org/works/25370617

Duo Maxwell/Quatre Raberba Winner, Duo Maxwell & Quatre Raberba Winner

Post-EW

Duo and Quatre try to kill time on the shuttle back from the former pilots’ and the Preventers’ annual Christmas bash.

Fanart/Crafts/Photo Manips:

@bobo-is-tha-bomb

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/623923080739340288/i-really-need-to-take-up-art-again-gundamwing

WuFei Chang, fanart

https://bobo-is-tha-bomb.tumblr.com/post/623975050404642817/went-in-and-made-a-water-color-version-i-dug-up

WuFei Chang in color, fanart

@cynfinnegan

https://cynfinnegan.tumblr.com/post/623545925500010497/a-couple-more-gundam-wing-memes-this-time

Relena Darlian/Peacecraft, memes

@gundayum

https://gundayum.tumblr.com/post/623787099348402176/here-have-grown-up-hilde-in-a-god-damn-wedding

Hilde Schbeiker, fanart

@gwfrozentears

https://gwfrozentears.tumblr.com/post/623589386981949440/the-others-gundam-pilots-i-love-duoooo

WuFei Chang, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner, & Duo Maxwell, fanart

@janaverse

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/623375597101596672/i-am-duo-maxwell-is-done-and-contains-as-much

Duo Maxwell, edit

@lemontrash

https://lemontrash.tumblr.com/post/622889139332956160/gundam-wing-art-party-had-a-voice-chat-party

WuFei Chang, fanart

Photosets/Gifsets/Screenshots/Manga Pages:

@cuteciboulette

https://cuteciboulette.tumblr.com/post/623474633219424256/cynfinnegan-super-robot-wars-dd-no-relena

@cynfinnegan (for the original game trailer)

Ok so I might have gotten a tiiiiny screen cap heavy here on Heero and most of all Duo…

(Also, the Gundams are so damn cute!!)

Here is Heero & Wing

https://cuteciboulette.tumblr.com/post/623475306697801728/cynfinnegan-super-robot-wars-dd-no-relena

And here’s Duo & Deathscythe Hell (for whom and which I had to make a selection because I took 20 cap of DS, 12 of Duo + all 6 “avatars” variations).

https://cuteciboulette.tumblr.com/post/623628937542680576/i-cant-remember-if-i-ever-own-this-sheet-of-gw

Gundam Wing Stationary page

@janaverse

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/623994461266034688/every-activity-in-the-household-is-up-for-grabs

Duo Maxwell, Sims, screencap

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/623555650802401280/duo-is-thinking-about-a-what-to-do-next-b

Duo Maxwell, Sims, screencap

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/623552160137953280/heero-playing-refuge-and-dodging-arrows

Heero Yuy, Sims, screencap

https://janaverse.tumblr.com/post/623551604048723968/i-titled-this-one-holy-crap-poor-duo-because-it

Heero Yuy, Sims, screencap

Head Canons:

@jinsai-ish

https://jinsai-ish.tumblr.com/post/623456882470928384/random-thoughts-on-gundam-wing-and-coffee-not

Random Thoughts on Gundam Wing and coffee

Fandom Discourse:

@lifeaftermeteor

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/623926733835583488/worldbuilding-in-the-ac-univere

World building collection on AO3

Quotes:

@helmistress

https://helmistress.tumblr.com/post/623998635640815616/duo-goth-clowns-are-just-mimes-quatre-my

@incorrectgundamwingquotes

Quatre & Duo

@incorrectgundamwingquotes

https://incorrectgundamwingquotes.tumblr.com/post/623557208176754688/trowa-i-dont-really-like-this-mission-peer

Trowa & Heero

MoodBoard/Aesthetics/Playlists:

@lifeaftermeteor

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/623995934438752256/respite-lifeaftermeteor

Noin/Sally/Une compilation

https://lifeaftermeteor.tumblr.com/post/623995413604810752/pride-lifeaftermeteor

Heero/Duo compilation

Calendar Events:

@gwcocktailfriday

Cocktail Fridays!

Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.

Here’s the prompt for Friday, July 24th! https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/post/623987548985966592/cocktail-friday-post-responses-on-friday-july

In need of SUMMER & FALL/AUTUMN prompts!

@gwoc-october

GW OC October 2020!

Help pick out prompts! https://gwoc-october.tumblr.com/post/621130082429337600/hello-gundam-wing-folks-thats-right-gw-oc

@seasons-of-gundamwing

Summer of Hilde!

Needs more prompts! https://seasons-of-gundamwing.tumblr.com/post/622567839387271168/summer-of-hilde-prompt-call

@thisweekingundamevents

Events Calendar

https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/624053314842230784/event-calendar-update

If you are hosting an event currently, or are planning on one, hit us up with links and dates! We’ll add them to the Calendar and reblog your notices to get the word out!

[usukusliterarygems]

#2: Lipstick.

Read It Here!

Author: Diurnal Days. @diurnaldays

Genre: Romance, drama.

Rating: Mature.

(USUK/UKUS/USUKUS)

One-shot (19.478 words). 

Summary: Sometimes, something as small as a tube of lipstick can mean so much.

Warnings: Depictions of homophobia, misgendering, use of a dead name and slurs.

Drama level: All is rainbows/A small problem happens for like a second/Some conflicts and tense situations but you can handle it/You may shed some tears/NO TEARS LEFT TO CRY

---

- Analysis -

There are great USUKUS fics and there are USUKUS fics that you can really see being transformed into a published book or movie. This fic is definitely in the second category for me. It is an excellent coming of age story with realistic characters dealing with heartfelt dramas.

“Lipstick” is about Alyssa and Alice, two teenagers who are childhood friends, finding out about their identity and their true feelings for each other. The detail is that we see the story from the point of view of Alice who does not yet know that she is a lesbian and that her best friend, "Alfred", is a trans girl.

(By the way, I'll call "Alfred" by their chosen name, Alyssa, here, although in the story the name most used for the character is "Alfred" since she doesn’t come out as a trans girl until much later.)

Well, let's summarize the story. Alice and Alyssa are best friends who know each other since childhood. Alice is a strong, smart girl who enjoys British stuff and it’s a bit of a loner. Alyssa is a very sweet person, who likes "... football, cars, Nerf guns and everything else perfectly American and male.". Therefore, Alice is surprised when Alyssa asks her to borrow her lipstick so she can help with her makeup. However, she allows Alyssa to practice makeup on her without thinking much about it.

Over time, Alyssa continues to express her interest in makeup, even going with Alice to the mall, by her own will, to buy some more. This is yet another subtle scene of character development that becomes more important when we consider what Alice doesn't know yet about her best friend. Look how carefully this scene is written: 

“Though Alice expected Alfred to look tired by the time they reached the cashier -- as her mother once said all men at the mall eventually did --, Alfred still smiled widely at her when she gave him a glance. Oddly enough, he seemed happier now than when Alice had suggested they go to the arcade or the carousel, though Alice was sure that was just her imagination.”

After shopping at the mall, Alice realizes that Alyssa wants to keep some of the makeup they bought and ends up giving her a lipstick - yes, the fact that the story is named “Lipstick” shows how important this scene is. Yet, Alice doesn’t think much about the fact that Alyssa wants some makeup, just assuming that Alyssa wants to be a good friend and improve at helping her with her makeup.

For now, Alice's true drama lies in her discovery that she is a lesbian, something she realizes thanks to her lack of interest in the guys she dated, a few magazines with provocative images of women that she happens to see and also thanks to the good old internet. There is one particular line in this scene that really cracks me up:

“She typed into the search engine: Is it gay to look at boobs”

I don’t want to spoil the whole thing so I won’t go into detail about what happens in the plot after this discovery. In general, the two characters deal with dilemmas regarding their self-discovery and, amidst all that, they also have to confront their feelings for each other. 

From the beginning, it’s pretty obvious that they like each other, but Alice still doesn’t know that Alyssa is a girl and Alyssa doesn’t know that Alice is a lesbian, which leaves a veiled tension between them. Besides, there is the factor that they are best friends, which makes things even more complicated from a romantic point of view. 

When it comes to story writing, I would say that its main strong point would be what you can read between the lines. It’s amazing how the subtext of the gender identity and sexual orientation issues of the main characters adds tension and meaning to scenes that would be completely casual to cishet characters. Most scenes involving Alyssa are like this, but there's one in particular that really struck me.

 "Don't worry about it. Your friend and I are just having a man-to-man chat here."

"Ha ha," Alfred laughed awkwardly.”

Ouch, this one hurt. It’s very impressive how simply by choosing two key-words to add to this little piece of dialogue ("man-to-man", "awkwardly"), the author subtly shows us Alyssa's veiled suffering with the fact that she is constantly misgendered in everyday interactions. This scene really made me think a lot about what trans people have to deal with it before they come out. 

This subtlety in the writing style is also well used in the construction of the story’s romance. Throughout the narrative, we can see that Alyssa and Alice know each other very well, have small traditions together, are comfortable together and are physically attracted to each other. Alice is also jealous about the idea of Alyssa dating someone else. With all this, even before the characters realize it themselves, the readers can already see what a great couple they would be.

Another point I would like to highlight is the dialogues. Generally in this story, what is described during a dialogue is always very meaningful. Each reaction of the characters suggests a lot about their feelings and this is very important given that all we know from Alice's perspective is the visual cues. I will show some examples here:

1. “Thank you,” he murmured, uncharacteristically soft. 

2. “How do I look?” Alice blushed and glanced to the side at the feeling of Alfred’s gaze burning into her face.

“Uh...uhm. Really good,” Alfred blurted. “Are you buying any of it?”

3. “You’re so hot,” Alice breathed. Alfred shot her a look.

The dialogues are really effective in making us understand the tone of the scene and make us see the reaction of the characters.

In short, this is a truly moving fic, with great characters that go great together as a couple. It shows the adolescence as the complicated but also exciting period of self-discovery that it is. There is a drama in the middle of all this, but the ending is happy, don't worry.

I strongly recommend that you check this one-shot and leave a review on it. It truly doesn’t have as many reviews as it deserves. 

---

Some of my favorite lines (apart from the ones I've already mentioned):

1. Something about his quiet confidence in driving his car made Alice wonder -- with a knot in her gut -- whether or not he had that same sort of confidence when seeking out one of the many admirers he surely had.

2. Whether her reticence was really for Alfred’s sake or her own, Alice didn’t know.

3. “I sincerely doubt that my parents would ever let me sleep over with you without at least ten other friends participating, fourth grade or not.”

4. The awkwardness of the sort-of-argument between herself and Alfred quickly faded away when she returned to her room and saw that Alfred had forgotten his laptop on her nightstand. She remembered the cute cat videos they'd watched together and their escapade onto the roof -- and suddenly she found herself imagining Alfred wrapping his arm around her waist, and drawing her close, and looking deep into her soul with his eyes, and then leaning in for a kiss-- 

Oh. Alice sucked in a breath. She let herself fall back onto her mattress. That's new. Maybe I should think about that. 

---

Extra points: 

1. Lesbian and trans representation. 

2. Alice learns about the LGBT+ community mostly by researching the internet. Relatable af.  

3. Alice and Alyssa are one of the couples with the healthiest and most natural relationship that I ever had the pleasure to see in a story. I can’t emphasize enough how much they feel like a couple before even becoming one.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Fics For / Inspired by Me!

A little bit of a different Fic Rec Wednesday this week; no one asked for it, but I recently got a gift fic, and then I realized I’ve never made a full post of all the lovely fics that people have written for me or inspired by my posts! And it’s my birthday month and I’m having a stressful one and I just wanted to post up something to make me happy (well, ALL the fics I rec make me happy, but this is a bit different :P)

If you’ve written a ficlet which I rarely see because Tumblr never notifies me of my tags, or an Ao3 post for me or inspired by my stuff (like the JLPL or one of my headcanons), OR even fanart for me, PLEASE tack it onto this post, so I’ll be able to find it (and so I can file it offline on my offline document!)!! I love you all so much <3

-------

JOHNLOCK FIC RECS

No place on earth they’d rather be. by gelos (bia_mpinto) (G, 460 w., 1 Ch, || Established Relationship, Fluff, PDA, Secret Relationship) – John’s thumb is caressing Sherlock’s skin and thinking how soft it is and how lucky he is right now. This is the first time they’ve held hands in public, only because they seem to be alone in the street and there’s nobody to see them.

Whispers in the Dark by coloured_ink (G, 833 w., 1 Ch. || Bed Sharing, Anxious Sherlock, Anxiety, Caring John, Spooning, Little Spoon Sherlock) – Sherlock has anxiety attacks. Good thing John always knows what to do.

John My Beloved by itsalwaysyou_jw (T, 2,244 w., 1/2 Ch. || Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Memories, POV Sherlock, AU, Light Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes travels through his mind palace to revisit critical moments in his relationship with John Watson. He can't change history, but he can pretend.

Your love it feels so good by Hotaru_Tomoe (E, 2,843 w., 1 Ch. || Gay Club / Gay Bar, Lingerie, Stripping, Anal, Crossdressing, Strip Tease, First Time) – Sherlock is last at a quiz night and is forced by Anderson to perform in a gay stripclub. John must be with him, because he will have to record the performance. Sherlock takes the task very seriously. Part 20 of The English job

Extraordinary by queenoftrivia (G, 2,860 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Morse Code, Est. Rel, Violins) – Sherlock's deduced that John's going to Italy to buy him a violin. Even the greatest detective alive makes a few mistakes.

Untouched by KittieHill (E, 3,239 w., 1 Ch. || Kissing, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, Body Worship, Sherlock’s Scars Mentioned, Masturbation, PWP, Rimming, Multiple Orgasms) – Sherlock leaked a lot. John had never needed lubricant. John loved watching it, had once spent an entire afternoon edging Sherlock so he could watch as the thick precome drip, drip, dripped onto Sherlock's belly.

One Second and a Million Miles by itsalwaysyou_jw (M, 4,197 w., 3 Ch. || Angst, Bed Sharing, Bi John / Gay Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Canon Compliant, Music Inspired, Stag Night, Love Confessions) – Neither Sherlock nor John had expected the stag night to end in the bedroom. In the aftermath, after years of silence, Sherlock finds the courage to confess the depth of his love for John. With everything on the line, he cannot afford to hold back now. In light of these confessions, John is forced to make a critical decision.

Christmas at Holmes Cottage by johnlockedstarkid (G, 4,295 w., 7 Ch. || Christmas, Fake Relationship, Love Confessions, Holmes Family, Pining, Kisses, Fluff, Allusions to Mystrade) – Sherlock doesn't want to have to deal with his mother's wishes for him to find a partner when he goes to visit them for Christmas, so asks John to pose as his boyfriend. Little does he know he's not the only one who wishes that the relationship could be real.

Linger by queenoftrivia (E, 4,879 w., 1 Ch. || Lingerie, Fluff and Smut, BJ / HJ, Switchlock, Sherlock in Lingerie, Come Play, Dirty Talk, Anal Fingering, Anal/Oral, Implied Shower Sex, Neck Kissing) – Sherlock decides to surprise John after a somewhat stressful day at work.

So True a Fool by ladyxdarcy (M, 4,963 w., 1 Ch. || Soulmates AU || Post-ASiB/Pre-THoB, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Bisexual John, Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Sick Sherlock, Fluff and Angst, Angst with Happy Ending, Mild Telepathy, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love) – Every pair of soulmates has one listener and one speaker. It is the listener's job to find the speaker and embrace their bond. John knew the instant he heard the strange man's voice that he was his soulmate, but never reveals the truth, resulting in severe consequences.

Someone I Love by hudders-and-hiddles (M, 10,002 w., 2 Ch. || Canon Compliant, HLV-Filler Fic, Pre-Slash, Jealous John, PIning Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, UST/URT, Dog Tags) – John gets married and Sherlock finds comfort in wearing John's identity tags around his wrist.

JOHNLOCK TUMBLR FICLET SUBMISSIONS

Something to Cheer You Up by itislove

John Learns the Violin by gelos

Sherlock Holmes and His Inability to Go Trick-or-Treating by sherlockandhisinability

Johnlock Hanahaki Ficlet by anon

“Sherlock threads his fingers…” by anon

Sherlock and Titanic by consultingpacha

In Which Sherlock Tries a Different Way to Cope by anon

Gods AU Ficlet by anon

LINGERIELOCK HEADCANONS / FICLETS

“John Catching sight of a flash of lace…”

“Sherlock showing John his collection…”

“Imagine Sherlock getting ready…”

“Sherlock comes home to find a small white box”

“Imagine Sherlock swanning out of their room…”

“Imagine John out doing the shopping…”

“Some days, Sherlock shies away from John’s touch.”

“Sherlock Has a Pair of Panties with ruffles…”

“John notices that Sherlock seems to have a pair of favourite panties…”

“Sherlock clings to John’s shoulders …”

“Sherlock runs his finger over the front of his lace panties…”

“John notices that Sherlock seems to have a pair of favourite panties…”

“Imagine Sherlock sitting at the table…reveal a band of blue and white lace.”

“John settles his hands at Sherlock’s hips…”

“John comes home to find Sherlock sprawled on their sofa…”

“Sherlock shuffles over to the sofa…”

Sherlock comes home late in the evening

“Sometimes, Sherlock spends hours styling his hair…”

“John loves the way Sherlock looks in knickers…”

“Imagine Sherlock pulling on a special pair of panties…”

“Can you imagine what would happen the first time Sherlock wore lingerie for John?”

A Continuation: “Sherlock decides to take his outfits to something more unconventional”

PART 3: “John wasn’t prepared for what Sherlock had in store for him” 

PART 4: “Sherlock dragged John into a cab…”

Sherlock’s Booty Shorts (not lingerielock, but I think it’s by the same Nonny so I keep them together on my list)

FREEBATCH

I'll Meet You in Hong Kong by alexxphoenix42 (E, 12,767 w., 5 Ch. || Freebatch RPF || Phone / Shower Sex, Infidelity, Polyamory, Bit of Angst, Cuddles) – Benedict and Martin's busy, busy schedules have them grabbing a few nights together in Hong Kong during Ben's Doctor Strange junket. They both have news to share. While this does pick up after the story "Forever 1895," you don't absolutely have to read that one to dive on in here. Part 2 of Forever Freebatch

GOOD OMENS

you can dance in a hurricane, but only if you're standing in the eye by be_brave13 (G, 1,456 w., 1 Ch. || Non-Linear Narrative, Light Angst, 6000 Years of Pining / Slow Burn, POV Crowley, 5 and Ones, Idiots in Love, Song Fic) – 5 times Crowley knew he loved Aziraphale and the 1 time he knew Aziraphale loved him back (romantically)

[againstallelse]

The Confessionals of John H. Watson: First Draft

Hello all. Now that the month from hell is being pushed behind me (Don’t ask), I’m back to writing and I bring you The Confessionals of John H. Watson. Written by John after The Reichenbach Fall, it focuses on the question that everyone has asked in one way or another. What is John Watson’s relationship to Sherlock Holmes?

This is a first draft that I do plan on continuing. I’d love any feedback anyone has. A beta reader (or a collection of them) would be very appreciated.

Why I’ve chosen to write this now I’m not entirely sure. It feels far too little, far too late. Just like everything else seems to always be.

This will never even see the light of day. Maybe someday, long after I’m dead, someone will research into the great Sherlock Holmes’ legacy and find it. But my expectations are low. Even though it’s what everyone always wanted to read. The blog post everyone was practically begging for.

I have received one question above all others over the course of the past few years of my life. It’s one I’ve avoided addressing because in all honesty, I still do not have a simple answer.

“What is your relationship to Sherlock Holmes?”

And in a sum of words, I genuinely don’t know.

I have never had a real answer to this question. I got it from the very first day I met Sherlock, seemingly from everywhere. At that point, there was no suitable answer. A stranger? A new friend? An interest? I didn’t know. And I was too afraid to ask him what I was to him.

To me, he was like a light in the darkness. Everything had felt so dull, so painful, so dark. I was entirely alone in the world. I trudged forward every day because I wasn’t sure what else I could do. But then he came. He was enematic. Charismatic. Bright.

He lit up my entire life all at once, thrusting me into a whole new world where I finally felt like I belonged.

He was strange and finicky. A total prat. Early on, I couldn’t tell if he cared if I lived or died. I couldn’t tell if I cared if I lived or died. As long as I didn’t have to return to the darkness, I didn’t care. I felt so empty for so long. I did everything I could to keep things steady between us. Stable.

I couldn’t jeopardize losing the only good thing in my life.

I had known I had an interest in Sherlock from day one. I would have rather ended it all then admit it to a soul. But I knew it was quite obvious to anyone who bothered to throw us a second glance.

However, I didn’t realize how bad I had it for Sherlock until we had been living together for a while. I knew he was gorgeous. I knew that my heart beat faster when he was close enough to touch.

One morning I came downstairs to find him shirtless in our kitchen and found he had made tea for us both, I was overcome with something unfamiliar. I sat beside him as he read and drank his tea, ignoring me for more interesting things.

I stared at him. I studied the curves of his face. His bare chest. His lips as they curled around the edge of his mug. The most dangerous realization settled in my heart.

I wanted to be here, with him, forever. I wanted to be with Sherlock for the rest of my life. I couldn’t imagine spending my mornings with anyone else. I wanted to wake up beside him in the morning and have him be the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes.

I choked a bit and laughed it off, trying to seem casual. His eyes peered up from his book to look at me and I shook my head. He crooked his brows and before going back to his reading.

I got more serious with Sarah, my girlfriend, after that incident. I wasn’t sure what Sherlock’s sexual preference was, but I was fairly certain that it didn’t include me. Or possibly any human being. Which didn’t phase me that much.

Did I want to be sexually involved with Sherlock Holmes? Admittedly, yes. I did. He was on my mind far more often then he should have been, in scenarios he shouldn’t have been involved in. Especially when I was shagging my girlfriend.

But I didn’t mind it if Sherlock never had an interest in me. As long as I got to stay by his side for the rest of my life. That was always the priority. Anything that might scare him away had to be kept at a minimum. So I was careful about staring at him. I avoided touching him in any way at all. I knew he’d see through me and connect the dots if I indulged myself too much, so I was careful.

I still think he might have known.

Sarah figured it out. We went on a trip together, alone, since she kept asking. The whole time I was checking my phone, calling and checking in on Sherlock, talking about him nonstop. One night on our trip she found me up late, scrolling through Sherlock’s boring blog.

She asked, “Do you really love me?”

I put my computer down. She caught me off guard. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because… you don’t look at me the same way you look at Sherlock. I’m not blind John. You could be enjoying your holiday in bed with me. But you’re not. You’re thinking about him.”

Her words burned into my brain. She was right. My god, she was right. She was so kind, letting me keep my privacy. We parted amicably when the trip was over and she wished me the best of luck with Sherlock. She never told a soul, even though the papers would have paid her enough to retire a year down the line if she had.

Why couldn’t I have just loved her?

My life continued with Sherlock. Our cases were interesting, he was vibrant. He had his days, but overall we were very happy those months. That summer was likely the happiest of my life, traveling around with Sherlock, chasing after criminals in the warm summer evenings.

Sometimes I wonder if he had any concept of how romantic that summer was. Sometimes I wonder if it was the best summer of his life too.

Then she came.

The woman.

Everything changed when she came into our lives. She excited Sherlock. In ways I didn’t. Mentally. And seemingly physically, I think. It was such a shock to see Sherlock attracted to anyone in any way. Especially a woman.

It frustrated me. It hurt. After everything we went through, it seemed momentarily like she would come between us and break us apart. It was a whirlwind, one day it was he and I against the world. The next he was composing music for her.

I ran through three girlfriends in three months, trying to distract myself. Trying to distance myself from Sherlock, steal my heart so when I lost him to a dangerous dominatrix it wouldn’t hurt so badly. It didn’t work even remotely. All three of them saw right through me in record time.

When Irene pretended to die, some part of my selfish self was relieved. Maybe things could return to normal. But Sherlock’s reaction… he was totally devastated. It was heartbreaking to watch. He was quiet, reclusive even. His mourning wasn’t loud and external like most people. It probably would have been invisible to most people.

But I wasn’t most people. I was his blogger, his roommate, his best friend. His family. And I saw the way his shoulders hunched and how sad his eyes were in the reflection of the window glass.

When she returned, expecting my help, I had wanted to throw her out the window. She hurt the man who my world revolved around and wanted my help? But then she saw right through me. No matter how I denied that I wasn’t gay, she saw me.

She could see me. She could see my real feelings, probably better than anyone else ever did. I felt raw. Naked. Exposed.

Even once she was really dead, Sherlock and I never truly went back to normal. He looked at me differently. I never identified the look in his eyes our final year together. Sadness? Fear? Pity? He hid his emotions well, very well. But I could still see that hint of something there that felt cold. And it broke me.

I felt like he knew. Maybe she had told him my true feelings. Maybe he pitied me? Maybe he couldn’t see me the same, knowing I had feelings for him? Maybe he was afraid that I couldn’t truly be his friend without my feelings getting in the way?

I’ve driven myself insane with the maybes. I’ve gone over it again and again. It still keeps me up at night. What did those looks mean? I will never know, now.

When everything happened with Moriarty, it shook me to my core. Not the cases, not the insanity of the man who was chasing Sherlock, but how hard Sherlock pushed me to believe he was a liar in the end. I could not, would not ever believe that. I still do not believe that.

Sherlock was magnificent. He was brilliant. And beautiful. He came into my life and hijacked it entirely and it was the best thing to ever happen to me. None of my past experiences nor my future ones will ever compare to the part of my life I shared with him.

I could never have written this down with him still alive. If I had ever acknowledged this much, even to myself in private, he would have known and it would have broken us. But now he’s gone. And I’m left with this.

If I ever had a soulmate on this earth, it was him. I knew on some level from the night we met. More than how alluring he was both mentally and physically, something drew me to him. Something I doubt I will ever feel with another human being. With him, I felt complete in a way I never had before.

And never will again.

God, I can’t continue writing this. What’s my relationship to Sherlock Holmes? I don’t know what I was to him. But he was my soulmate. And now he’s dead.

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Gabe!

You have been accepted for the role of non-biography character CORA CHITTOCK with the faceclaim of Hunter Schafer! We were thrilled to see a veela character in a non-fanon way and can’t wait to see what you bring to the veela lore! We are so excited to see what you do with Cora! 

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Gabe

AGE: Still 22!

TIMEZONE: GMT-3

ACTIVITY LEVEL: Pretty solid, eh? I always go missing in the weekends because it’s Official Socializing Time, but then I make up for it during the week, mostly

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Cora Chittock

BLOOD STATUS: Half-Blood/Half-Breed (Veela)

AGE: 18

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Trans girl, she/her/hers, lesbian. She can’t imagine her transition is anyone’s business, so I wouldn’t think that is something she’ll talk about at all these days, but her sexuality is definitely public knowledge, as she makes it her mission to make it obvious whenever the opportunity for it presents itself. She’s heard it too many times before that her interest in women is simply another cheap tactic to rebel against veela expectations, and she likes to assure everyone that nope, the 12-year-old knew what she was talking about, and she’s still very much gay.

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: I wrote this myself, so nope!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Cora is an avocado – soft on the outside, hard on the inside. Some may argue – and she would argue with those some – that she doesn’t even have a soft exterior at all. Nothing is what it seems with her. There was no hesitance from the Sorting Hat when it sent her straight into Slytherin, its booming voice making the announcement as soon as it touched the first strand of hair on her head, much to her sister’s dismay.

        Being a veela wasn’t something she was conscious of until somewhere around third year. Or, at least, it wasn’t something that bothered her before that. It wasn’t hard to fit in right from the first day at Hogwarts, life was easy to navigate as an eleven-year-old that almost everyone feels inclined to like; Cora used to love the attention. She had many friends, teachers liked her, there was nothing to complain about! That’s what most people think about veela, anyway, and it might be true for a while, but only until you’re no longer a child. People’s intentions change. Her classmates’ friendly smiles and high-fives became inappropriate remarks and catcalls down the hallway. She went from Good Friend to Object of Desire in what felt like the blink of an eye and she despised it.

And no one cared, she quickly learned, about the veela complaining about getting too much attention, being too liked. It’s like complaining you have too much food to eat, or a bed too comfortable to sleep in! At least it’s how everyone saw it. Even her family refused to acknowledge the issue. Get used to it, they’d say. Welcome to the real world!

Cora isn’t one to sit idly by while someone has to deal with any sort of abuse – not herself, not anyone else. She learned quickly that no one else seemed to care about her fight, but she wasn’t gonna fight any less because of it. She just had to become her own fortress.

Her charisma and charm are still there, but now, every time she smiles, she’s baring her teeth. Every flip of hair is weaponized, every bat of eyelashes is a threat. She learned how to defend herself before anyone had a chance to do something more than hide behind catcalls and love letters. There are several expectations when it comes to veela, and she’s willing to break every single one of them, if she can. She’s still friendly and flirty when she wants to be, but she’s loud. Self-assertive to the point of brashiness, energetic and sarcastic, with the mouth of a sailor and a tongue sharp enough to kill. Every bit of her is a quiet armor, the pieces carefully collected and glued together over the years, though she still sees everything with unbeatable humor. Her skin is as soft as her edges are sharp and she’ll always throw the first punch. She refuses to be the fragile little fairy-thing made to cater to the fetishizing ideal of acceptable half-breed, and she won’t apologize for it.

She still keeps her fair deal of friends around, even though nowadays she prefers those who don’t seem to react to her much. Her defenses are up so high that it’s become a problem – maybe she has thrown a couple fireballs at one or two innocent people who she thought were following her, yes, can you blame the girl? –, but she’s pleasant company when she’s not climbing up on any tables and delivering speeches about half-breed rights that no one wants to hear.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

The Chittock sisters never really met their mother. It’s a complicated story, really – at least that’s what Cora heard all her life. Their father, an eccentric wizard devastated by the loss of his beloved veela companion, never told his daughters what really happened. When they were little, he would tell them these crazy fantastic stories of how their mother was and why she had to leave, but that only lasted a couple of years, until the girls grew up and realized these were products of his mind. And terribly inconsistent stories, at that.

He’s not crazy, Cora would say, but he’s, perhaps, not the most sane man she’s ever laid her eyes upon, sure. He’s a conspiracist and a bit of a nutcase, but he has a heart bigger than his body, and that’s how he raised his daughters to be. He loves them more than anything, and they know it.

Cora has a good relationship with her family, through and through. She loves her sister, even if they pick fights with each other sometimes, and she loves her dad even if he insists on cooking and burning the dinner every single night. They’re not too supportive of her feisty ways, and they would surely lose all the hairs on their head if they knew about her finding her way into the Order, but she’s not planning on telling.

Despite the absent mother and the lack of explanation that comes with it, the girl has never felt like anything was missing from her family. In fact, before she was even a teenager she’d already stopped asking questions about her mom’s fate, knowing it would only sadden her father and get her some nonsense response in return. Her family’s not a big one, but it’s perfect, as far as she knows. They’re as good of a support system as any, she thinks.

OCCUPATION:

Cora works at Eeylops Owl Emporium, at Diagon Alley. It wouldn’t be hard to get any sort of part-time job with the Veela charm turned all the way up, and while Glenda chose a much more artistic path with her own show, Cora decided she didn’t want all of that attention. No, instead, as soon as she was out of school, she marched right up to her favorite shop in Diagon Alley, and sweet talked until they gave her a position in there. It’s her dream job, for the moment, even if it pays terribly. Her family is quite wealthy and she doesn’t plan on moving out immediately, so it’s not like she needs piles of money. Here, she gets to hang out with the pretty little birds for most of her day, and it’s incredibly soothing. She thinks it might be the Veela bird-like tendencies that make her feel so comforted to be surrounded by the little winged animals, but she won’t question it. The owls keep her calm, and they seem happy to have her around, and she gets to help little eleven-year-olds to pick new friends. It’s a pretty fun job.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Cora still feels a little out of place in the order, but only because she’s new and hasn’t quite figured out who she can trust yet. She remembers some of these faces from school, but back then she’d been so busy perfecting her skills and learning defenses and dodging creeps that she would rather forget that time entirely, start fresh. The tiny self-conscious part of her worries she might be too brash for the crowd her age and too young for the older people, and that she’ll float somewhere in between, but she’s willing to make her presence known either way. She believes in their fight. She also, perhaps selfishly, believes she can have more of a voice if she has a group like this to back her up, and maybe she can convince them to join some rallies for half-breed and veela rights, while she’s at it. She certainly has been trying to make that happen for a while now. Cora sees the war for how heavy it is, and she knows how easily the tides could change against her, as a half-breed. As much as she vowed to fight her own battles, now she seeks protection, too. She knows no one is gonna survive on their own and if she can do something to help this end quicker, then it’s her duty to do so.

SURVIVAL:

Cora still lives with her family, and doesn’t plan on changing that anytime soon. Her father may be a nutcase, but their little hut in the middle of nowhere might also be the safest place she knows. She doesn’t know what it is about it that makes it feel so secure, but it does, at least for them (he told her once that her mother had enchanted it before she left, but he also said a number of ridiculous things, so she doesn’t believe it). She’s easily overlooked when it comes to this war. She’s a half-breed, but an acceptable one, one that society may praise from time to time, when it fits them. It’s just her and Glenda’s luck. Most people don’t seem to care about what the half-Veela are up to, and the rest who do, only care because they feel enchanted by them, so it’s mostly a win-win when it comes to hiding.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Cora doesn’t do relationships all that much. She’s never had a romantic relationship with anyone, nothing that ever went beyond some meaningless fooling around – even though there was and still is a lot of that. She likes the affection, she craves a human connection like that, but she doesn’t feel like she can have it until she learns to reel in all of her Veela charm. She’s still too young, too insecure. Even if she’s learned to keep most of her unwanted charm in, nowadays, she knows some people can still be affected. And how can she trust their affection, then? How can she know if the pretty girl who wants to date her won’t lose all of her interest suddenly, the day Cora learns to control her abilities better? She can’t. The line is blurry between someone loving you for the energy you put out, loving how you make them feel, or really loving you for who you are. She’s not willing to take any risks.

For that reason, she’s been known to still deliberately use her charisma here and there to get what she wants, but she tries to keep close to people who aren’t affected by her blood status at all. At least, those, she knows she can trust. Some specifics:

REGULUS BLACK: It’s not like they’re childhood friends or anything, but Cora might risk saying they were the closest friend she had in Hogwarts. It was a confusing, chaotic time back then, and when people started reacting differently to her, she found comfort in Regulus’ blatant indifference. She’s not fully convinced they even like her at all, as a friend or general company, but she still likes to hang out with them when she can.

DORCAS MEADOWES: They met because of Cora’s brief panic in fifth year, when a poor, sweet boy asked to be her date on a trip to Hogsmeade and she was too tired to be mean or blunt, as she usually was. Dorcas happened to be walking by, and Cora took the opportunity to grab her hand and yank her over before declaring she couldn’t accept the invitation, as she’d be going with this Hufflepuff, instead. She paid Dorcas back for any inconvenience by buying her some Pepper Imp on the trip, and she still occasionally helps distract her from her job nowadays, by visiting Flourish and Blotts and bringing candy.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Cora/women is what I ship and Cora/dudes is the anti-ship, that’s pretty much it. Let my lesbian daughter thrive.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Cora’s fatal flaw when it comes to biases is probably the fact that she wants to be an advocate for half-breed rights, but the truth is that she has no idea what that even means. She might wave that flag around and call people out, and she may get mad if anyone trashtalks any type of half-breed around her, but has she ever stopped to listen to another half-breed? Absolutely not.

Her concerns are very personal and Veela-focused, she doesn’t know what the other species are going through in the current society, and certainly not in this war, either. She wants to help everyone, genuinely, but she’s too caught up in the stuff Veela have to go through. They’re a particular type of half-breed, the model minority type, they are the ones who get invited to parties and get to escape from the general population’s scrutiny. On the other hand, they’re also victims to a lot of abuse and prejudice, and that’s the battle she’s (wrongly) focusing on. She says her fight is for all of the half-breeds because she knows her voice will have more of a reach that way, and she genuinely thinks it’s the right thing to do, to try and help others.

That being said, she is still a pretty sheltered half-Veela girl who lives a good, wealthy life, she’s never even seen many of the half-breeds she claims to be trying to help. She’d still be wary of a half-giant, and twist her nose at a half-goblin’s appearance.

Almost the same goes for her view of muggleborns, too. Circumstantially, the majority of her friends – and fellow housemates, back in her Hogwarts years – are purebloods or half-bloods, which means she hasn’t really ever heard from the muggleborns what they go through, and what they want. She’s angry, and loud, and she wants to be an activist for everyone, but she isn’t great at studying her causes.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

Absolutely NOTHING, I’ve heard this place is horrible!!! Yuck!!!! Delete my number!!!!! No but on a serious note, I’m dying to explore all of the Veela world and create a sensible, more inclusive lore for it (suck it, JKR). And this character is one that I’ve had in mind for months now, in sort of an abstract form, living somewhere in my brain in the room of Characters That Already Have a Voice But No Background Or Story. So I’m looking forward to finally flesh it out and write her!

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

I’m terrible at these BUT I’d be down for the Order wanting to use her Veela charm for something, like use her as bait or a distraction, because she would probably hate the idea of doing that and i’d love to watch her get pissy.

Also any opportunity to get her to use the fire hands, obviously, that’d be amazing.

ANYTHING ELSE?

A Headcanon:

Not really into sports at all but tried to get into the Slytherin Quidditch team out of sheer spite because everyone kept saying Veela were only good for mascots, not for playing. She almost made it in as a Beater, which she’ll deem good enough to prove people wrong as long as she doesn’t have to ever do that again. Yes, she’s still bitter about it.

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:

PAST:

Cora Chittock grew up to be pretty alright, all things considered. Despite her absent mother, her father and sister were all the family she needed, and she lived a sheltered life until she entered Hogwarts. There was where she discovered what being half-Veela really meant – and how she would have to try her best to repress that part of herself, if she wanted to stay safe. As a good Slytherin, of course, it was bite or get bitten. The charm and charisma that she flaunted as a child quickly turned into unwanted attention from her peers the second that hormones came into play. Everyone thought she was spoiled to complain, a rebel without a cause, but they didn’t know what it was like, to receive all these looks from people she had no interest in, people she didn’t like. She had all the attention she could possibly want, but loneliness still stung. Learning to be part Veela was learning to handle the harassment that came with it, and that was a hard lesson to learn.

PRESENT:

School had been hell for Cora, but now she’s finally found her footing. She worked hard to perfect her abilities to the point where her Veela charm is mostly controlled nowadays, and it makes her feel more confident than ever; she knows when she can, and should, display it around freely. That doesn’t mean all the past years haven’t left a bitter taste in her mouth. Now that she graduated Hogwarts, she wants to make sure people understand and listen to her side of things, too. Her people are still harassed every day, she’s not letting anyone forget that. These days, she can easily be found trying to organize marches and protests for half-breed rights, even if most of them fall through. She snuck her way into the Order as soon as she heard rumours of a resistance group existing at all, and she’s ready to give everything to fight this war. She believes in the group, she trusts her peers and she’s got her combat boots laced up and ready. Finally, she’s making the difference she wants to make in the world, right?

FC CHOICES: Hunter Schafer (truly my one and only, love of my life, but also to add other good names to the list because other rps need more representation anyway: ), Loiza Lamers, Hari Nef

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

1: Name

Sarah

2: Age

23

3: Fears

Everything, I have anxiety

4: 3 things I love

Dogs, weird movies, sunsets over water

5: 4 turns on

Long hair, facial piercings, good sense of humor, back muscles

6: 4 turns off

Poor hygiene, rude to service workers, adults who are still obsessed with Disney to the point where they make it a personality trait, Trump supporters (or the equivalent in other countries)

7: My best friend

@wanderingwondererofthings

8: Sexual orientation

Bi? I think? IDK not straight tho

9: My best first date

I’ve only ever been on one date in my life and the dude ghosted me afterward which turned out to be a blessing bc it was not a good time in my life to try to start a relationship

10: How tall am I

5′2″

11: What do I miss

Mental stability

12: What time were I born

3:45 am or thereabouts

13: Favourite color

black

14: Do I have a crush

celebrity crushes but I don’t really count those

15: Favourite quote

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

16: Favourite place

bundled up under a heap of blankets by myself in a dark room with good snacks and a good book/movie

17: Favourite food

chocolate

18: Do I use sarcasm

do i

19: What am I listening to right now

my housemate doing laundry

20: First thing I notice in new person

what they’re wearing

21: Shoe size

womens 7

22: Eye color

brown

23: Hair color

brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

love that goth shit

25: Ever done a prank call?

not that i can remember

26: Meaning behind my URL

adam darski’s true form

27: Favourite movie

Ink (2009) dir. jamin winans

28: Favourite song

UHHHHHHHHHHH

29: Favourite band

Eluveitie

30: How I feel right now

like shit lol

31: Someone I love

My friends

32: My current relationship status

single

33: My relationship with my parents

it’s good and i’m very grateful

34: Favourite holiday

the day after halloween when all the candy goes on sale

35: Tattoos and piercing I have

none

36: Tattoos and piercings I want

seriously considering getting my eyebrow pierced soon. if I ever cut my hair short i’ll pierce my ears

37: The reason I joined Tumblr

to follow an art blog that made amazing JTHM fan art

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

what ex

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my mom

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yeah it was my mom

41: When did I last hold hands?

yesterday with my grandma

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

takes me well over an hour to actually get up but then like 3o minutes tops

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no

44: Where am I right now?

in my room

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

i’ve never been that drunk because i hate hangovers

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable level unless i’m at a concert

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

not anymore

48: Am I excited for anything?

sexy eggman is coming to san francisco

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

no

50: How often do I wear a fake smile?

basically whenever i have to talk to strangers

51: When was the last time I hugged someone?

yesterday

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

my mom is allowed to kiss other people it’s okay

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i don’t think so?

54: What is something I disliked about today?

i’m tired of being tired

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my soulmate

56: What do I think about most?

spirals of existential dread

57: What’s my strangest talent?

I have no talents lol

58: Do I have any strange phobias?

going down stairs. i’m fine going up them but going down them freaks me out

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

depends on my mood and whether or not i’m ugly that day

60: What was the last lie I told?

“I’m okay”

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

In person or don’t fucking talk to me

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes

63: Do I believe in magic?

idk. i believe there’s things that happen that we can’t explain yet so maybe that’s magic

64: Do I believe in luck?

i believe in good chances

65: What’s the weather like right now?

dark

66: What was the last book I’ve read?

The Habitation of the Blessed by Catherynne Valente

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

yes as long as i don’t have a headache or stomachache

68: Do I have any nicknames?

just dumb shit my mom calls me

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

worst acute injury was the time i tripped onto an outdoor heater in kindergarten and burned the shit out of my hand. i also have a stress fracture in my spine that will never heal from gymnastics but that happened over a matter of years

70: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but i spend a little too much

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

with a tongue? yes. with my tongue? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

my fluffy pillow

73: Favourite animal?

take a wild fucking guess

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

trying unsuccessfully to sleep

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Columbus

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

That Time of the Month by Harley Poe

77: How can you win my heart?

be a dog

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

ceci n’est pas un corps

79: What is my favorite word?

sussuration or cathedral

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

this is the internet equivalent of the judgment of paris

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

eat the rich

82: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not currently

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

shapeshifting bitch

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

i’ll say anything on the internet i don’t give a shit

85: What is my current desktop picture?

86: Had sex?

no

87: Bought condoms?

no

88: Gotten pregnant?

no

89: Failed a class?

yeah, fuck ochem

90: Kissed a boy?

no

91: Kissed a girl?

 no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no

93: Had job?

i’ve got one right now

94: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah lol

95: Bullied someone on the internet?

no

96: Had sex in public?

no

97: Played on a sports team?

i ran track for a couple years as a kid

98: Smoked weed?

yup

99: Did drugs?

no

100: Smoked cigarettes?

ew no

101: Drank alcohol?

yuppers

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

no

103: Been overweight?

no

104: Been underweight?

yes

105: Been to a wedding?

yes

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

only 5?

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

only 5??

108: Been outside my home country?

yes

109: Gotten my heart broken?

yes but not romantically

110: Been to a professional sports game?

many

111: Broken a bone?

nope

112: Cut myself?

not on purpose

113: Been to prom?

yeah and it sucked and i wish i hadn’t gone

114: Been in airplane?

yes

115: Fly by helicopter?

no but I want to

116: What concerts have I been to?

a multitude

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeah lol

118: Learned another language?

can I give this one a half a yes?

119: Wore make up?

yup

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no

121: Had oral sex?

no

122: Dyed my hair?

yes

123: Voted in a presidential election?

yes

124: Rode in an ambulance?

no

125: Had a surgery?

do wisdom teeth count?

126: Met someone famous?

yup, holla atcha doug jones

127: Stalked someone on a social network?

no, i don’t care that much

128: Peed outside?

who hasn’t?

129: Been fishing?

no

130: Helped with charity?

i’ve donated some money

131: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah but a) I never actually asked him out, b) we were 12, and c) turns out he’s gay so like i’m not made about it

132: Broken a mirror?

no

133: What do I want for birthday?

a new laptop

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

why would i want kids

135: Was I named after anyone?

my great uncle and great grandmother

136: Do I like my handwriting?

i have no opinion on it

137: What was my favourite toy as a child?

legos or something similar you can build with

138: Favourite Tv Show?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

139: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere near the ocean

140: Play any musical instrument?

i wish

141: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i only have acne scars and those are pretty self-explanatory

142: Favourite pizza toping?

sausage, bell pepper, and onion

143: Am I afraid of the dark?

no

144: Am I afraid of heights?

sometimes

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

no, i’m a good girl

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end

yeah, FUCK OCHEM

147: What I’m really bad at

being a functioning human adult person

148: What my greatest achievments are

not killing myself in college

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

idk man i get upset by everything even when it’s not mean

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

pay off my friends’ and family’s debts, set aside a big chunk of money for grad school, maybe get my own place depending on how much is left

151: What do I like about myself

i have nice hair

152: My closest Tumblr friend

idk

153: Something I fantasise about

what don’t i fantasize about

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?

hey demons come and get y’all juice

[musical-chick-13]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Speed Round: Episodes 8-10

-META REFERENCES TO GREG AND SHIPPING GREBECCA LMAO I AM LIVING

-MY MAN!!! IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!

-NO GODDAMMIT I CAN’T SHIP REBECCA WITH PEOPLE THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT SHE DOESN’T NEED A RELATIONSHIP TO BE HAPPY SINGLE REBECCA OR BUST I CAN’T BE IN GREBECCA HELL AGAIN I HATE THIS

-So we’re just gonna...forget about Beth? Valencia’s...you know...canon...girlfriend...? Like, I get closure is a thing, but you’re making it seem like this is some overarching big dramatic romance that has the power to change Valencia’s life, and her One True Love, when she LITERALLY HAS THE COOLEST GIRLFRIEND EVER???!!!!

-....Polk? Really? I take it back. I unstan. Seriously. That is the most White Person(TM) answer I’ve ever heard. Wow, this conversation reeks of white privilege. You just...had to go and ruin a good thing, show, didn’t you.

-IT WAS FATHER BRAH YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME I HATE THIS I HATE THIS EPISODE THIS LITERALLY CAME OUT OF NOWHERE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SUSIE REYNOLDS I’M SO FUCKING ANGRY I TRUSTED YOU SHOW I. TRUSTED. YOU.

-I swear to God, if she cheats on Beth, I will personally jump into my computer screen and burn down Home Base.

-Okay, she explicitly talked about how she’s in love with Beth and how them being together is bad and she’s going to steal the letter, and they dealt with it in a mature way and admitted that sometimes life isn’t a rom-com and you miss chances and that high school loves aren’t usually The One, and I’m okay again. I’m sorry for doubting you, show.

-WHY IS HER FAVORITE PRESIDENT RUTHERFORD B. HAYES THOUGH

-I’m so proud of Rebecca. Owning up to a mistake, not wanting a potential relationship with Greg to be built on a lie/secret. I love my disaster child so much.

-ARE WE GOING TO GET A CATS PARODY NUMBER YEEEESSSSS

-Aw, man, I know you you feel, Darryl. Feeling irrelevant and replaced, like everyone likes your “cooler” coworker more than they like you...I JUST NEED HIM TO BE HAPPY AND LOVED THAT IS LITERALLY ALL THAT MATTERS

-I like aware-of-how-bad-he-is-at-being-nice Nathaniel...SOOOO much more than “Bad Boy” Nathaniel.

-Maya having an unrequited obnoxious crush on Father Brah is the only romantic subplot Father Brah should have been in, and I will die on that hill.

-Jason...deserves so much better than this entire embarrassment. Idk, hook him up with Maya or something NO BRING MONA BACK HAVE THEM BE A THING THEY’RE BOTH SWEET AND WONDERFUL AND DESERVE BETTER

-REBECCA IS GOING TO BOND WITH HER DNA-CHILD AND I’M SO EXCITED

-SPEAKING OF WHICH THAT BABY IS SO CUTE (all babies are cute, but SHE’S JUST REALLY CUTE)

-AND DARRYL IS GOING ON A DATE THIS IS THE EPISODE THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

-Okay. I’m going to get a LOT of hate for saying this, but I’m glad his date is with a woman? Because I feel like, a lot of times, we get bisexual characters who either get an endgame relationship with someone of their gender identity and people just go “See, they’re gay” or only express interest in people of their gender identity and people just go, “See, they’re gay.” Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay and we DEFINITELY need gay representation, too. It’s just...there’s no way to erase Darryl being bi, and as a bi woman, that really means a lot to me.

-(Now, if we could just have Valencia actually, like, talk about her status as a wlw and be shown actually doing couple-y things with Beth, that would be perfect.)

-(Also give Maya a girlfriend.)

-GREG AND REBECCA ARE HAVING EARNEST, HEALTHY COMMUNICATION, I CRY

-I’M SO CONFLICTED I DON’T WANT HER TO END UP WITH ANY OF HER EX-BOYFRIENDS UGH I NEED A TV CHARACTER TO BE HAPPY AND ENDGAME-LY SINGLE LIKE JUST FOR MY OWN PERSONAL VALIDATION AND EMOTIONAL NEEDS BUT UGH LOOK AT THESE TWO

-If all I ever get from this show is Josh in songs about sports and their weird place in American culture, I’ll be happy.

-VALENCIA GETTING EMOTIONALLY DEEP CONTENT ABOUT HER INSECURITIES I LIVE

-EVERYONE HELPING JOSH WITH HIS PHOTOS AND NOT BEING WEIRD ABOUT IT MIGHT JUST BE MY FAVORITE THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED ON THIS SHOW

(-For the love of God, please give Josh a win. I’m begging you.)

-So I?? Cried???? At the Nice to Meet You reprise??????? (It’s always the families that get me. Every single damn time.)

-WOW I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHEN IT’S GONE IT’S THE ONLY THING THAT GIVES ME FAITH IN HUMANITY

[pokemonruby]

1, 2-18 even only for ravi and oswald!!

MY BOYS!! 

1. their voice

well, ravi’s tone is usually very… upbeat? it has an airy sort of feel to it, the kind of voice that could immediately raise your spirits.. but at the same time, if you listen close enough, it can sound quite… strained? as if he’s faking this whole “cheerful” act. hmm

now, as for oswald? well, he doesn’t really speak often; he much prefers sign language of course, but whenever he explodes it’s uh… let’s just say oswald doesn’t care about the volume of his voice. he’s essentially a cantankerous old man in the body of a young adult. 

2. their smile

again, if you inspect ravi’s smile closely… you’ll find that it’s just as feigned as his merry tone. an unfading, almost creepy smile to those aware of its truth; moreover, it can serve as comforting to those ignorant. the entirety of ravi’s demeanor is nothing but a facade built to hide the insecurities of a broken and daresay, maddened man. 

as for oswald, it’s rare that he smiles due to his aforementioned foul attitude. but whenever that opportunity arises and he does show a smile, let’s just say… the whole world would stop and stare at it, it’s so adorable and pure. 

4. their insecurities

as i mentioned before, ravi has many insecurities that he’d rather keep tucked away beneath a cheerful mask. he’s suffered quite a bit in his past, and therefore isn’t true to himself any longer - fearing that he’ll be taken advantage of, due to how unstable he is. so, ravi puts on an elaborate act to trick himself into thinking he’s sane, that nothing’s wrong, even as the pain gnaws away at his very soul. 

not to mention… ravi cursed with immortality, which is yet another burden to carry on his brittle shoulders. the fact he’s unable to die to be with the loved ones he’s lost… is truly the worst form of punishment in the universe.

now, with oswald’s insecurities… he’s rather upfront about it, incomparable to ravi’s mindset of ignoring everything until it blows out of porportion. oswald doesn’t necessarily attempt to fix his insecurities, rather… he acknowledges them. he knows he isn’t particularly the best person to be around, due to his waspish personality… and he doesn’t consider himself to be very talented, despite being a high-ranking member of the country’s largest bureau. but he refuses to make a big deal out of something he can’t change. oswald just isn’t the kind of person to accept positivity, since he honestly cares less. 

he just wants to do his job and get paid for it. that’s really it.

6. how they deal with grief

well, uh.. if you’ve been following along with ravi’s internal conflict, you’d understand that he doesn’t handle grief properly in the slightest. i mean, after he lost his former spouse and child, ravi decided to avenge them by… y’know, massacring the village responsible for their deaths. he’s definitely the type of person to choose revenge over forgiveness - i mean, he wasn’t exactly stable to begin with. ravi’s faced tragedy again and again, and when he finally found happiness - it was taken away from him in a heartbeat. 

also there’s the whole plot in which ravi attempts to become god to bring back his deceased family but let’s…. discuss that later. 

oswald, on the other hand, hasn’t faced much tragedy during his life. he never had a family who cared for him, so… upon their deaths, he felt nothing. in a way, oswald was relieved to finally be free of their abuse… but they’ve taught him to keep his distance from people henceforth. such has caused oswald to avoid relationships and isolate himself in his own, little world. it isn’t until he met ravi that oswald knew compassion from another person… 

good thing his only friend is an immortal, right? maybe he’ll never face grief because of that. 

8. what they like to eat

finally, i don’t have to hurt my boys anymore. so, ravi is an impressive chef - i mean, he’s downright masterful in the kitchen. he prefers traditional food from his homeland overall, but is very much open to trying new things. believe it or not, ravi has quite the sweet tooth! his favorite would have to be eclairs, with macarons as a close second. 

oswald doesn’t particularly have a favorite meal? i mean, he’ll really eat anything that you’d present to him… but he does have a soft spot for seafood. which is something his dear friend happens to excel at making. but if i’m being honest, oswald could survive on nothing but coffee and be fine. 

10. their fashion sense

i’m not necessarily sure how to describe ravi’s fashion sense, as he’s usually dressed in robes and sleeveless tops. i’d say traditional, but not really at the same time? to be honest, he believes in looking formal, yet being comfortable first and foremost. 

moreover, oswald wears his uniform 99% of the time but that in itself is fancy and suits his character quite well. while he doesn’t “dress to impress”, oswald does make an effort to make himself look presentable for the sake of his workplace; however, i’d be lying if i said he’s never smiled at his own reflection before. to be fair, he does look rather elegant in his uniform. 

12. their romantic life

after a lot of trial and error, ravi eventually accepts he’ll never reunite with his family… and begins a stable, happy relationship with my boyfriend’s oc, luther! they’ve been married since the moment their eyes first met, honestly. very lovey-dovey and ravi will cook his favorite meals and they’ll go on extravagant dates and… sigh. i love these husbands. let’s hope nothing happens to luther

meanwhile, oswald love life is… empty. while he developed feelings for ravi long before he met luther, oswald never had the courage to confess. therefore, he can only watch as the man he loved flies away in the wind… while oswald begrudgingly carries himself to his job each day and is smothered to death by a mountain of paperwork. rip oswald 

14. how they react to burning their tongue on food

well, ravi has an incredibly sweet husband who will kiss away the pain… while oswald overreacts and acts as if he’s dying. listen… as a gay he’s legally obligated to be dramatic about every minor inconvenience. 

16. their dreams

currently, ravi’s dream is to marry luther and live happily ever after with him… while completely ignoring the fact he’s immortal and there’s a cult after his head for that very purpose. but hey! as of right now, they’re perfectly fine! :) 

sadly, oswald doesn’t have any dreams… because he’s accepted his lonely existence as unchanging, and will continue to drag himself to the office each day without a real purpose. hopefully a certain grayson will come along and convince him otherwise… but oswald’s already decided he’ll just spend the rest of his life working, as if it’s the only thing he’s capable of. 

18. how they sleep

sometimes, it’s difficult for ravi to sleep due to the nightmares that plague his mind… but nowadays, he’ll often find peace within luther’s arms. as if he’s keeping the ghosts of ravi’s failure away, which is yet another reason ravi is so indebted (and in love) with him. i know i’ve gone on about them enough, but ravi and luther’s relationship is so beautiful to be honest. two, broken men who’ve lost everything find solace at last with each other. 

…. as for oswald, he collapses immediately the moment he’s home from the office. exhausted doesn’t even begin to describe his condition; oswald hardly cares about eating dinner, he just wants to SLEEP

and when he does sleep, it’s rather soundly. the only time oswald isn’t troubled by anything. 

[invinciblerodent]

Propositioned by the Billionaire Moose - A moose(!!!) shifter romance liveblog

Yes, I’m doing this.

As requested by my dear friend @kurosmind, here it is, the first part of my (hopefully complete) liveblog of this wonderful trainwreck.

And before I would go on to cut this with a Read More, let me begin by saying that I am by no means being purposefully malicious. This is not a terrible book. It’s not a good one either (tbh, the other one I read from this series, “Her UnBearable Protector”, was, to me, much better- the titles are equally silly, but that one kept my attention way longer), but it’s not terrible, and this is purely for fun.

That being said, onto the shit-talking.

Also,

‘Nuff said.

This goes for the introductory blurb AND Chapter 1 as well- the plot is dead simple. It’s the one I would hesitate to call the “tried and true” plot because I hate it with such a burning passion, but it’s the one, you know the one, where the bratty and arrogant heir-dude has to find a wife in a set amount of time in order to get his inheritance.

Because the patriarchy is fun, and forcing someone who doesn’t want to get married into a rushed marriage is going to make for a good and healthy relationship that will benefit both him and his chosen bride. Only this time it’s a maple syrup empire, because THEY ARE MOOSE, and also Canada.

His name is Bryce Elanroux btw, not like it should matter because let’s face it, these kinds of protagonists could be called whatever and they would still all be mostly the same. It doesn’t even have the kind of Character™ that I like in these dude-names beyond it screaming “French-Canadian trust fund kid”. Like in the last one I read the prince was named Niccolito (and surprisingly he wasn’t Italian, what are the odds), and before that, the bear shifter dude was named Salvatore, and I physically cannot read that name without overpronouncing it to shit in an ostentatious and stereotypical Italian accent. Once I read one where the rock star guy was named Ari, and it took the book A WHILE to reveal that Ari was, in fact, short for -guess again because I guarantee it’s not what you expect- ARISTOTLE. So, to get back down from this tangent, Bryce is a real boring name, but not awful. Unfortunately it doesn’t fully embrace the silly or go way Italian for no reason. Gets a C- from me.

Oh, and this time there is also a Suddenly Appearing Cousin Who Is A Competitor For Grandpa’s Will™. Surprise. Where did I put my jaw. I hope that he’s not a moose so we can have just a regular dude in this, just watching in bewildered terror as his uncle and cousin turn into giant land-mammals.

I don’t know how to describe this next part (which is the last paragraph of chapter one), so I’m just going to show it to you as it is:

Charming fellow, isn’t he. Also, a buck with plenty of prancing years.

Chapter 2 begins with introducing our female protagonist, Melanie. Who is inexperienced with guys (check) and would like a “sturdy man” to take charge “for once” (check). It’s real confusing that she would begin by complaining that the reason for her inexperience is that she doesn’t want to actually physically hurt a man, but then also she complains about the juice she bought being heavy, but not really because she can carry it easily, but it’s heavy and there should be a man here to carry it. Makes me think that she too might be a shifter? Maybe a sharp one because she’s talking about giving guys stitches, and later she mentions having claws, but keeping them sheathed? I’d dig that, if she were like a tiger or some shit like that. Imagine what a moose-tiger hybrid would look like. 

Real stupid, I’d wager.

Oh, and she also fantasizes about killing her sick mother. Which, yeah, I kinda get because their relationship seems real abusive and draining for her, with no love between them whatsoever, but… look, folks. This girl is a grown-ass woman and has a degree and a job, and she’s lamenting that she has no money because she has to care for a woman whom she hates? Who sometimes flings scalding cocoa into her face because reasons. Leaves me wondering why she even does it? Obviously she can support herself, and it might be my European self talking with our public healthcare backing me up, but Canada, where this is set, also has a publicly funded healthcare system? So I don’t see why it would be cheaper for her to do all this than to have professionals at a hospital or a sanatorium care for this middle-aged woman living with chronic liver problems. It just seems like it’d be a simple enough issue to solve that doesn’t need a BILLIONAIRE MOOSE, but, y’know, some backbone. The ability to make decisions. Taking charge. Y’know, something these protag ladies all seem to sorely lack. Even the ones that make cryptic references to being a were-cat-tiger-bullshit creature.

Btw, a couple paragraphs later? I totally called it. Hell yeah she’s a shifter. And a sharp one. Not a tiger, but a cat-bullshit creature. Another call I’m making now, they’ll meet as animals first. Why else have them both be shifters?

Chapter 3 is back to the dude. Joy. (Side note- how clever would it be if this was a gay story, and the “boy-toy” character was named Fisher Bryce? Fisher-Price? Eh? Eh?)

Btw, I will never stop finding their use of the word “rack” to refer to his antlers funny. It makes it sound like he has a pair of tits on his head. Which, uh….

It just conjures this image in my head, every time.

Oh, and I called it again, they meet shifted. She’s a lynx. Not as good as the image of a tiger shivering somewhere in Canada, but hey.

She’s a furry. The weird kind. Also I had to google “moose ass” for this.

In this chapter, the moose (the prey animal) saves the lynx (the predator) from three wolves (predators). No idea why the wolves would even attack a lynx, or why they would be afraid of a prey animal (which, okay, I get moose are fucking huge and strong, BUT HE IS STILL A DING-DANG DUMB DEER), especially if they’re all shifters, but y’know. There is nothing like a good ol’ Damsel in Distress situation to start off a novel.

We meet the cousin too, Rory, who -so far- seems somewhat less of a shithead than our protagonist.Who, upon finding out that his grandpa is dying, is only talking about the inheritance and shows…. Literally zero compassion. Or nothin’. Even though they seemed to be at least kinda close. Okay then. Asslord.

Also, grandpa is a real romantic. Apple from the tree, I see.

The chapter closes with, and I wish I hadn’t seen this, the third person limited narrator literally saying “#betweenacrackandahardplace”. Which is just. Super bad to read. It took me like five whole seconds to decipher what it was saying, and it still doesn’t make sense.

Here seems like a good place to cut this- I wouldn’t want to go on too long, in three chapter increments seem like a good way to do this. Next time I have a day off, I’ll definitely get to the rest of this and post chapters 4, 5, and 6 because it’s, ngl, real fun to bitch about a not-very-good book.

Again, this is by no means as awful as the last one I tried this review-thing with (that one I didn’t even get to finish because jesus christ it was awful and the reason I hiss at regency romances from afar), but it’s…. quite silly, and has enough opportunities to poke fun of it to last me a while. :) I can’t yet call if it’s gonna be that bad, but we’ll see. If it gets too good I’ll stop this, because then it’s no fun, but.... I have a feeling I might be in for it.

[zainapbaraketcaryl]

‘The Walking Dead’: The Importance of Caryl As a Romantic Ship

The Walking Dead’s Caryl may not seem as progressive as some other ships, but it’s still important!

It’s no secret that I am a huge shipper. It’s even less of a secret that Caryl is easily my OTP (okay fine, one of many but if we’re playing favorites Caryl is tops). And after “New Best Friends” (S7E10) I am 100% quality Caryl shipping trash. I won’t apologize, this has been a long time coming! With high expectations for a Caryl reunion on my mind, I found myself considering what is so important to me about these two fictional people getting together?

In an early draft of this piece, it was just a list of reasons I ship Caryl. The intent was just to list all the obvious ways (and there are many) to be to emotionally involved with Carol (Melissa McBride) and Daryl (Norman Reedus). But this ship is so much more than something like “101 Reasons to Ship Caryl” (but seriously don’t threaten me with a good time, that list would be epic!). It goes so much deeper than just stuff and thangs that making shipping fun.

And shipping is fun. It’s exciting to imagine the possibilities and varying dynamics that two characters bring to each other. But there’s something special when a ship really earns it. And Daryl and Carol have most assuredly earned it! They have always deserved happiness and they have never expressed being happier than when they are with each other.

Thinking about my not-so-short-list of reasons that Caryl is worth shipping I landed on one idea in particular. Caryl is important. It just is. Obviously, I have my reasons and it’s not enough to just say that. But it’s there’s a pureness in that sentiment. And it’s not important just because Daryl is so much more than just a “redneck” or that Carol – as an individual is completely fully fleshed out – is easily one of the best characters to ever grace our televisions. That honestly, goes without saying and for all The Walking Dead‘s meandering sometimes, I will always be thankful the showrunners kept her alive.

However, The Walking Dead doesn’t exactly have a history of being the most progressive show on TV. Thankfully, the show corrected a lot of its issues with the women, though not in enough time not to ensure that Lori (Sara Wayne Callies) and Andrea (Laurie Holden) wouldn’t be vilified forever. And let’s not forget they still felt the need to include Negan’s wives.

Up until very recently, it was like some kind of in-show joke that characters of color would be killed off to make way for the next one. Luckily, it appears the showrunners have done their best to stop that particular pattern. Except then there’s the antiquated but oft-employed “bury your gays” trope. I mean poor Tara (Alanna Masterson) has had to endure the deaths of multiple partners. And there’s plenty more problematic weeds we could pull out but we’d be here forever (but seriously why did Glenn (Steven Yeun) never get a bottle episode and did Michonne (Danai Gurira) ever have a last name because even Beyonce and Madonna have them, they just don’t need to use them?) and I have so many much more fun points to make!

But speaking directly to some of the lack of progressiveness is why a canon ship like Richonne is important. Please don’t mistake my bringing up Rick (Andrew Lincoln) and Michonne’s love as some kind of competition. I don’t want to have a ship measuring contest. And I’m not saying Caryl is any more important that Richonne. They are on equal footing for different reasons. But Richonne’s place in one of the most popular TV shows currently on air is noteworthy.

Representation matters! And it goes beyond putting a woman of color in the forefront of a show like The Walking Dead. Rick Grimes is the epitome of a TV show hero and I have seven seasons of annoying man-pain to prove it. And to have him create an organic romantic relationship with the show’s leading woman of color is so much more than visibility. It normalizes it. And it’s absolutely something that should be “normal” at this point (but sadly isn’t). And this fact is hardly the most important part of the Richonne bond (that would arguably be that Carl (Chandler Riggs) and Michonne totally adopted each other first and Rick was a bonus in all of that). But it’s still a major aspect of the ship and I hope the show continues to improve in similar directions.

Which brings me to Caryl. Because at this point you’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with them and why I wouldn’t think something like Carol and Morgan (Lennie James) or Carol and Ezekiel (Khary Payton) would be better. And I have those answers: 1) No! Morgan assaulted Carol and even though he saved her that will never be okay and 2) No! Carol has repeatedly told Ezekiel to leave her alone and he can’t seem to listen and it’s not okay.

The real question shouldn’t be why I would ship anything but Caryl. The real question is why you don’t ship it? Okay fine that’s not it either. The real real question is how is Caryl progressive?

The simplistic answer is that it isn’t. And on some level it’s just your basic vanilla heterosexual relationship. But for the record, typing that sentence physically hurt me because that’s just the bare minimum. The truth is Caryl is progressive. And the evidence is in every reason those who aren’t on board with the ship like to give for why Daryl and Carol don’t belong together.

As far as I’m concerned Daryl and Carol went canon when he ran to her in the season five premiere but some need more, though I struggle to imagine that anyone is in any doubt that there’s any other woman for Daryl Dixon after “New Best Friends” (S7Ep10). These two broken characters need each other. And Daryl physically cannot exist in a world where she doesn’t. It’s why he threatens Richard (Karl Makinen) and then chooses not to tell Carol about those they lost.

The Caryl bond came about through a shared understanding and similar experiences. As a domestic abuse survivor, The Walking Dead has made Carol a beacon of hope to all kinds of survivors. She has turned her struggles into strengths. Yes, even now, while she’s isolating herself and refusing to fight. Her love and her fear of loss are keeping her away and she is entitled to work through that. Here’s a little secret: PTSD doesn’t just go away. You learn to live with it. And while everyone in the group is coping in their own unique way they are all looking for something to hold onto to balance out all the devastation. Showing that both Daryl and Carol aren’t just surviving but thriving. It’s a narrative that is worth exploring because no other characters have been shown to be tortured as frequently and hurting as often as Daryl and Carol.

And if the survival aspect isn’t enough there’s even more significant visibility in Caryl being a romantic bond. I like to tell stories about all the times I’ve had conversations in real life about The Walking Dead. It’s pure water-cooler talk and it’s exciting when people you don’t expect mention being fans of the show. Following Glenn’s death, there were few places you could go where the show wasn’t being discussed. Among a group of acquaintances, it was the perfect conversation topic. During a lull, I quietly mentioned that Daryl loves Carol (okay it wasn’t so quietly because I have no chill). I didn’t expect anyone to agree with me. That’s what Tumblr is for! But what surprised me more was the very real, “Eww no, she’s a mom” reaction.

Now, I don’t have children, but I’m friends with plenty of people who do. We’re all around the same age and last I checked being a mom doesn’t all of a sudden render you unable to be seen as someone sexual. What in the world does Carol being a mom have to do with being a loving relationship with a man who clearly loves her back? Having children, caring for children and just being maternal in general doesn’t mean that that person is no longer physically attractive or that someone can’t be physically attracted to a mom.

Yes, Carol has been established a mom. But let’s look at those qualities: She’s older than a lot of women in the group. She likes to cook and she has taken on the actual title of “mom,” a title that has earned her utter heartbreak. Carol loves. She can’t help it. But moms still deserve romance!

Carol is also a badass and super cool and really really funny but she loves her family so much that she’s afraid to see them hurt. She so much can’t take it that she told Morgan to tell them she’s gone if he ever runs into Team Family again (and he did just that and Daryl looked soon sad and then was even more broken when he was finally able to ask her why she left!). But if she can be all those things then she can also be sexy. Furthermore, she can and is loved by Daryl – who is easily the show’s biggest female draw (that’s definitely a blanket statement but it is true for many just look at the merchandise, chances are Daryl is on it). This is important because there’s a ridiculous assumption that Daryl is a lot younger than Carol, which is also weird and inaccurate.

Back to that normalization thing I mentioned above, when did it become normal to use the fact that someone is a mom as a negative? Doesn’t that make Carol and Daryl that much more suited for each other? She’s not mothering him. In fact if anything Daryl is the more nurturing one when it’s the two of them than Carol is. He has a voice that he uses only for her! It’s just reached a point where it’s hard to argue that Carol and Daryl is nothing more than just a bond. It’s love. Never forget, Carol shut the door on Ezekiel and opened her door to Daryl.

The Walking Dead has a platform. It doesn’t always use it to its greatest effect but in a slow burn like Caryl, the intention isn’t subtle as all. And that makes this particular ship not just important but necessary.

https://hiddenremote.com/2017/02/19/walking-dead-importance-of-caryl-romantic-ship/

[meganmazing]

Fics I Read While On Vacation 2.0!

Last month I went on a trip to Italy, and you know what that means... I downloaded a ton of long fics to keep me sane on the long plane/train journeys, and now I’m sharing a few of my faves with you guys! Pro tip for travelers: DO THIS! When you do’t have reliable wifi, and don’t want to pay for the in-flight wifi, downloading a PDF (or ten) from AO3 is the way to go. Their easy system is one of my favorite features of the site, and has multiple downloading formats other than PDF, too. Plus, they include links back to the work in the PDF so you can go back and comment when you do have wifi! Which you should always do, because authors are a gift, and giving kudos and love in the form of comments in return is a wonderful thing.

This time it’s mainly stevetony, with a few phlint, a cherik series, and one reaper76 (r76) for good measure. And guys. The stony and phlint especially...oh my god. Even when Phil and Clint aren’t the mains, I’m screaming about them. For whatever reason, the Marvel stuff I read his time blew me away, to the point where I’m still thinking about some of the stories, despite it being nearly a month since I got back to the states. One fic genuinely changed me, and I never thought I’d say that without a hint of sarcasm, but here we are. 

Like always, click the bolded titles for the link, and please read the tags on each fic. Even though I tend to steer clear of the truly brutal stuff when I’m on vacation, what squicks you out may not register for me, etc. Remember to throw some love to the works you enjoy, and come scream about them with me anytime <3

Stevetony

Steve Rogers Is A Child by LagLemon  Words: 290k+  Rating: M

Tony gets into fights with Steve all the time and it's driving him insane. Sure, he's not the nicest guy in the world, but all he did was steal a little of the guy's sesame seed bagel - he didn't deserve to get yelled at for something stupid like that.

After drowning his sorrows in hot chocolate and complaining to Pepper about what happened, Tony gets a phone call from Natasha telling him to hurry back home. Something's happened - Steve has been attacked and he's not quite the same man he once was - he's been turned into a child.

With Steve out of commission, the team struggles with what to do and Tony finds himself filling roles he had never expected: babysitter and friend.

THIS is the fic I mentioned in a textpost pretty much immediately after I finished reading. I couldn’t wait for this rec list. My dear friends, this fic gave me a crisis of faith. That’s a tad dramatic, you say? This fic had me rooting for Bucky Barnes and Tony Stark. Winteriron. Yeah. Bucky has an unrequited crush on Tony, and he killed me with it.

Don’t get me wrong, the stevetony here is endgame, and it’s beautiful, but wow. Like. I’m not one to multipship people often - especially not with my top otps - and stony is an og pair of mine. Something about this Tony and this Bucky just...fit? I mean...I think I get it, now. I can see it. You guys win.

I’m still recing this as stevetony, but I had to mention it becasue I’m still in shock weeks after finishing this, and it’s stuck with me. Tony is a character near and dear to my heart, and the story is told from his POV in a way that felt a bit different from the norm to me, and I dig it. Don’t be put off by the child!Steve thing, it’s not forever and it is handled really well in the story. No child sexual/romantic/abuse situations occur. Personally, I would not rec that kind of story.

Falling Into You by sabrecmc     Words: 53k+   Rating: M

Tony and Steve end up as fuck buddies after the events of The Winter Soldier until Steve calls it off. When Loki's spell wipes all of Steve's memories since the last time Loki was in town, Tony decides it will be so much easier to just not tell Steve they had something of a relationship. Spoiler: It isn't.

Or, how Steve fell in love with Tony and forgot about it, and how Tony fell in love with Steve and realized it.

Sometimes, you read a fic that is infuriating, heartbreaking, and sweet all at once, in almost every paragraph (at least for the first three quarters of the story). Tony is at his oblivious, slightly self-destructive best here, and you just want to shake the man, sometimes. Not to worry, I also wanted to shake Steve. It’s equal opportunity obliviousness in this one. The story is told with flashbacks to Tony’s memories of their “fuck buddy” relationship as he remembers them while the present mind-wiped-Steve situation is happening. It was done in a way that felt familiar without feeling redundant, the way this trope sometimes does for me. The ending is so worth it, and melted my heart. 

A Higher Form of War by sabrecmc     Words: 292k+  Rating: M

Tony is a King with a surprising number of people out to kill him. Steve and the rest of the Avengers are fighting for Pierce's rebellion and end up with Tony as their prisoner. Oops.

Basically one of those bodice-ripping romance novels I don't read (ahem) but with far more gay.

Speaking of melting my heart, this fic obliterated it. When I say Slow Burn, I mean it. Oh my sweet lord, do I ever. But you NEED this one if Stevetony is your thing, trust me. It’s AU in the best ways, and uses so much from the first Iron Man movie, as well as the Captain America movies and general MCU. Steve and Tony are painfully true to their characters at times, which brings both the good pain and the bad pain, the way you know you love. Fluff and plenty of angst, along with gorgeous tension and resolutions, and can I just have more of this world? Please? Forever? What is the team up to now? How is everyone? We got two novels worth of story, and I still want more of this universe!

The phlint really is blink-and-you-miss-it, but I am a sucker for the little nods and they made me happy. Also, there are the beginnings of Bucky and Tony being good friends, and I am so here for that friendship right now. 

Deep in the Heart of Me by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)  Words: 257k+       Rating: E  

There were days when the realization that he was someone’s father made Steve's head hurt, but mostly he was grateful that he could trust his instincts, because apparently Peter was what had been missing from his life. Yes, he still had lingering, unresolved issues from his time in the Army, and sure, he had what Bucky annoyingly referred to as a criminally untapped ass, and no life outside of work and Peter, but Steve was okay with how his life had turned out because of trusting his instincts.

Unfortunately, those same instincts had straight up betrayed him by going absolutely haywire upon being exposed to Tony Stark.

Veteran single dad Steve runs a tattoo shop. For his 40th birthday, Pepper arranges for Tony to get that tattoo he always wanted, and he winds up with the mother of all crushes instead. Jumping out of airplanes is one thing, but falling in love is something else entirely. Steve struggles with the idea of actually letting someone into his life. Tony is left trying to keep his heart from being broken while Steve figures things out.

I have been holding off on this story for a long time. Something about Steve being the adoptive dad to Peter had me skeptical, and the heavy mental health aspects were not something I was eager to deal with when I first saw it.  

That being said, I am so glad I read this. Getting real for a sec, I signed up for a mental health counselling consultation after finishing this. I connected so thoroughly with Steve and his experiences, and of course with Tony, too. But Steve’s journey through this story is honestly on a completely different level of fiction for me. Its heartbreakingly real, and downright visceral at times in the descriptions of how Steve feels, as well as how Tony feels, being in love with a person struggling with mental illness. 

I cannot recommend it enough. 

Aside from that, the love story between Steve and Tony blew me away, and I fell so in love with their love, it killed me. The ending is beautiful, and Peter is such a wonderful part of it. The family dynamics surprised me with how much I loved them too, with all of Steve and Bucky’s dads, and Clint and Nat being a part of their squad in the military, it fit perfectly in the story. Also: Let Tony Be A Good Father Figure 2k18 is my new crusade.

(I even grew to like Clint/Bucky in this. Phil is kind of in the world? Not a part of the main crew, but he cameos, and that was nice. Maybe that’s how I rationalized it in the beginning: Clint doesn’t know Phil, it’s fine! I like Clint and Bucky individually so much that it worked for me.)

Holding Out For A Hero by Wordsplat  Words: 100k+  Rating: T (yeah, I know, cue the comical surprise that one of these is rated Teen and Up) 

When Tony was a prince and Steve was his manservant, they were young and reckless and hopelessly in love. But an attack on Tony's life convinces Steve that he can't protect Tony, so he leaves in the dead of night to train until he can. Ten years later, Steve returns to the kingdom a strong and able knight, but his king is both furious and broken-hearted. 

One of my favorite things is when I get to be unreservedly on Tony’s side when he fights with Steve. Steve’s reasoning is understandable for his character, sure, but BOY. Plus, Tony has the Avengers backing him up too, and I live for the team supporting Tony. In the MCU right now, the team is basically all for Cap, but the lack of multiple, meaningful, interpersonal connections from the team to Tony in those movies is a rant for another day. 

Again, this is another story where the supporting cast has my heart. I also adored the knights being made up of the Avengers, and Bruce’s role, which kicked ass and made me happy. But, this story focuses primarily on Steve/Tony, and their relationship just kills me with how sweet/painful it is in turns. The fluff to angst ratio is spot on.

AND: Tony is a good dad! (LTBAGFF 2k18) 

I love their love.

Go Ugly Early by just_another_tinker  Words: 161k+ (still updating)  Rating: E

He’s The Captain?

This was not good. This was so not good.

There were theories of course, of what The Captain would look like. Most followed the typical Hollywoodesque belief that he was some version of the Godfather, sitting in a dark room with a cigar, commanding his forces with a flick of his wrist. There were even some that even thought that The Captain was not one person, but a whole network of people with eyes and ears everywhere.

The blonde Adonis in front of him was definitely not what Tony was expecting.

Of course, in the end it didn’t matter.

There was a reason no one knew what The Captain looked like.

Because anyone who saw his face never lived to tell the tale.

This is not a finished story, and I am perpetually on the edge of my seat waiting for the next update. I’ve rec’ed cherik Mob/Mafia AUs before, but I’ve never read one with steve/tony and the avengers. I’ll admit, Steve as a mob boss? I was skeptical about how well I’d vibe with it. 

Now? Holy shit, friends, I’m living for it. The aspects of Steve’s character that the author explores are everything I didn’t know I needed. Likewise with Tony, but I’m emphasizing Steve becasue it’s so unlike the usual representation Steve gets in fandom.

Apparently the running theme of this rec list is stories where the team is amazing and important to the story, becasue it’s true here, too. They’re Steve’s crew, becasue naturally. I adore the dynamics between everyone, especially when Tony starts to interact with them on the regular. 

But guys. The phlint in this hit me in the feels so hard, I didn’t see it coming until I was ready to tear up. The writing is so good, I forgot a key aspect of Phil’s arc in the MCU for a split second and I was distraught. Clint has POV chapters (Phil also had one very recently, but I think Clint has more content overall), and so you get into their relationship and all the emotions Clint’s going through, and  and I won’t say more becasue you need to read this one, even if you’re just in it for the phlint.

I know I’m a massive sucker for Clint, and love him wherever he shows up, but this time I’m genuinely impressed. The tags have it as minor/background, but it punched me in the chest like it was the main pair.

Of course, the steve/tony is amazing and addictive, but I had to scream about Clint and Phil for a sec.

Phlint

 First Impressions by raiining   Words: 76k+  Rating: M

Mr. Clint Barton does not like Mr. Phil Coulson. The feeling is not as mutual as he had thought.

A Pride & Prejudice AU.

So, I will be the first to admit that I have a serious affinity for Austen retellings in fanfic. The only downside with is that I tend to be overly picky about them, to the point where I check out fast if something bugs me, even if literately no one else would be bothered, much less notice it in the first place. 

This AU fed my Austen-loving soul and gave me every Phlint thing I’ve ever wanted in an AU like this. Clint’s perspective here is spot-on, and his relationships with Nat and Tony were awesome to read. Not to mention that the author filled character roles perfectly? People were chosen that I wouldn’t have expected but as I was reading I was so on board at every turn, like, yes, of course, this is exactly it! They also twisted the classic P&P story and made it their own, making it fit and make sense for the characters above all, which I absolutely loved. Bookmarked for life. Probably will end up rec’ing this forever.

Phil just breaks my heart, and so does Clint, and I have way too much love for this fic, go read it right now!

And Eternity in an Hour by Selenay   Words: 60k+   Rating: E

He comes from a secret place, far below the city streets, hiding his face from strangers, safe from hate and harm. He brought me there to save my life...and now, wherever I go, he is with me, in spirit. For we have a bond stronger than friendship or love. And although we cannot be together, we will never, ever be apart.

When Phil Coulson is attacked and left for dead, he is rescued and cared for by an unusual man who looks like a beast. As Phil heals, he learns that Clint is part of a community hidden below the city, where people who don't fit into the world above can live in safety. In time, Phil has to return home, but he vows to change his life and find a happier, better future.

Phil and Clint believe their time together is over, but they are destined to meet again when their worlds begin to collide.

A Beauty and the Beast (TV, 1987) fusion fic.

I’ll be honest, this show was before my time, and while my mom loved it and I know the basics of the story through her, I’ve never actually seen it. That being said...hell yes. I was hesitant, because Clint is right next to Tony for Marvel characters that I hold really close to the chest, and making him a “monster” had me cautious in the beginning. Fuzz, claws, really? Yes. If you’re thinking like me, go for it anyway! This story won me over so quickly, I don’t think I even knew it was happening - suddenly I was hooked.   

It’s alternating POV, with a bit more of Phil, I think, since he’s the character we relate to more, being the outsider character to Down Below. Phil isn’t a secret agent in this, but he’s still a competent badass in that way Phil always is, and he was my favorite from the get-go! Their love story is so sweet, you’ll melt by the end. Also, there are explicit sexy times, and they are great. Plus, body image is dealt with wonderfully without feeling like a PSA.

It’s also not told in first person! I thought it was from that part of the summary, but it isn’t, and I was v happy about that.

The Clockwork Murders by Selenay  Words: 76k+  Rating: M

Phil Coulson has two lives: by day he's a quiet, respectable Edwardian gentleman and his biggest risk is on a hand of cards at his club; at night he's a masked vigilante, fighting to make London safer. Keeping those lives separate is difficult enough when his closest friend is the head of a special task force within the Metropolitan police. It becomes even more difficult when his latest case gets dangerously close to home, bodies start washing up on the banks of the Thames, and Detective Inspector Fury's team is tasked with capturing the vigilante.

Clint Barton, Coulson's new valet, is down on his luck and inexperienced at valeting but his skills from his former life may be exactly what Coulson needs. They just need to negotiate their way through Coulson's secret life and their growing attraction to each other. And save London from a terrifying new threat along the way.

Alright, this fic might just be my absolute favorite out of the whole bunch. Not to say the others are lesser in any way, but I LOVE this one! Edwardian Steampunk has never been my thing, but I guess I can’t say that anymore?!  

One of the best Phil POV’s I can remember, along with a romance that just consumed me. Phil is kinda like an Edwardian Batman with less gadgets and slightly lower social standing? I was so on board. Let Phil Be Batman. I’m starting that campaign right now. Clint is also a bit like Robin, if Robin was also Hawkeye. The slow build of their relationship is delicious, and so, so rewarding when it finally comes to a head (lol). When they finally got together, I actually fist pumped (just a very small, non-distracting one, because I was on a train at the time and didn’t want to look like a complete loon, but that’s how much I loved this story). Phil and Clint are vigilante detectives and Clint gets to be smart! What a novel concept! 

I’m also a massive sucker for AU’s where the Avengers find each other and form a team all on their own. The scenario here is AMAZING and everything I never knew I wanted in an AU team-up. When Nat first showed up, I almost squealed out loud. No shame. Steve and Bucky are off being cops with Fury, off-page, so they’re the only ones missing from the story, but Darcy is here!! Plus, she and Nat have a side thing towards the end, and I am HERE FOR IT. This fic just has me so excited, weeks after I finished it. I’m invested and it hurts. 

You know when I care about the plot of a phlint story, that the plot is genuinely compelling, because usually the phlint is all I care about. And the relationship is the foundation from the start, and always the underlying focus, so no worries for the people in it for the tension/sexytimes.

Cherik

An Ideal Grace by afrocurl and nekosmuse    Words: 86k+   Rating: M

Cherik is one of the few pairings where the No Powers AU’s are some of my favorites. This is one of those times! Both boys have some mental health issues, especially where Erik as concerned, but it handled fairly well. Erik’s mental health specifically is a major arching plot piece, and his therapy sessions are important to his daily life and aren’t just mentioned off-page.

It’s important to say that there is no underage or professor/student relationship between Charles and Erik. There is past professor/student trauma in Erik’s life, but that is always a clearly negative and traumatic aspect of his life, and something he is working towards healing from in the story.  

The only thing that had me a little iffy was the co-dependency between him and Raven, who is his adoptive sister in this, but it is called out, and they are moving forward in this story as well as the sequel. Having those two be siblings instead of her and Charles is a bit different, but I think it worked for the story, even if I still love Raven and Charles as siblings.

The sequel: Love’s Own Crown, I actually think I enjoyed more, since it was less about the identity mix-up and more about their relationship/therapy

Reaper76

The Other One Where Jack is the Gay Roommate by pfaerie  Words: 16k+ Rating: E

Straight guy worries he's being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he's fallen in love with him. Turns out Gabriel Reyes is fine with Jack Morrison kissing guys if it's him Jack is kissing.

This is kind of a remix of the author’s previous fic of the same name (minus “Other” in the title), but with sexytimes and additional editing. This is the roommate trope at it’s finest. It’s Gabe’s perspective, and in a non-powered/modern day AU, which works 100% to the story’s advantage. Gabe cracks me up, and I liked Widow in this too. All the kudos for the humor and smut! I really love this author’s writing style, especially with the way they write r76′s dynamic.

It’s one of those fics I’d give to a friend who wanted to read r76, but hadn’t before. The angst is mostly “I’m not gay, bro! ...oh wait” kind, plus Gabe just being a pill, not any of the massively heavy and dark content you tend to see with this pair.