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heavyhitterheaux · 1 year ago

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Call Her Daddy (NSFW)

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: 🤭🤭🤭

Synopsis: Jack goes on the Call Her Daddy podcast and of course has to talk about his wife

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

First Lady of Private Garden Masterlist

DO NOT ENGAGE IF UNDERAGE

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

“Jack, it's about damn time you showed up for an episode of my podcast.” Alex said after the both of them sat down and got comfortable where the podcast recording would take place.

“What can I say? I'm a busy man. And it's good to be here.”

“Definitely busy seeing as you just recently put a total of three babies in your wife, but we'll get to that later. We're focusing on you, first.”

“Look, I can't help it if my wife is fine as hell. Might as well go hard or go home.” He replied while shrugging and of course Alex laughed.

“Don't worry, you'll get to talk about how much you love your wife in due time because we know that’s a running theme with you. But first, I want to know more about Jack Harlow. Did you always want to be a rapper? And where did that drive come from?”

“Always wanted to be one and I remember selling my CD's back in middle school. My mom was a heavy influence on that and she would freestyle with me in the car when she would drive me to like soccer practice and different things like that.”

“That's so cute and adorable that your mom influenced you. Now when people think of rap, Kentucky isn't really the first place people think of.”

“Not at all and I'm from Louisville and a lot of people don't know that it is literally an entire city. When people hear Kentucky, the first thing that they think of is some back roads country ass shit when it's not.” He answered as he thought about when he first started and some people would tell him that he would never make it out Kentucky let alone Louisville.

“And did a lot of people support you? Or did they try to discourage you? How was that growing up there?”

“It was about half and half. A lot of people were confident that I was going to make something of myself, but others weren’t. But I’ve been serious about this shit from day one and it’s slowly but surely paying off. My girl wouldn’t let me quit for nothing even if sometimes I wanted to.”

“Now, what were you like in high school? Were you the popular jock, the nerd, part of the science club? Did the girls fall out over you?” Alex asked while getting comfortable in her chair and adjusting.

“I mean I always had friends and I wasn’t the one who would be stuffed into lockers or some shit. Like with certain things people knew not to mess with me. And it always seemed like girls always liked me, but when I set my eyes on one, that was it. It was a done deal. We weren’t even together yet and people knew that she was mine and they would respect it.”

“So, I want to ask you since you said that about people knowing that she was your girl and respecting it. Now we are talking about the First Lady, correct?”

“The fucking one and only. Had my eyes on her ever since I was fourteen.”

“A little birdie told me about you hiding a boy’s clothes after gym was over because he liked her and wouldn’t leave her alone? Not baby Jack getting jealous.” Alex said while laughing and Jack soon joined in along with her.

“Look, he asked for it and I didn’t have a problem with him after that. Like dude get the fuck away from my girl.”

“And what did she do when she found out?”

“She never found out until we moved to Atlanta after we graduated so she had absolutely no idea. But, she definitely got on my ass. But she’s not so innocent either, but you’ll have to ask her about that.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely the next person I need to have on here. Now what is the album that you think is your best work or the one that you are most proud of?”

“Hmm, Jackman hands down. No features, just me talking and getting my feelings out. I was able to be home in Louisville with my wife for about a year and a half and I took that time to reset and get my mind right because a lot of shit had been going on and happening around us and I felt that it was important for me to do that, but now we’re back to making the catchy shit that people can really vibe to and feel good music so I’m excited for this new era.”

“Lovin’ On Me! Now I am loving your new song and I notice that it says I don't like no whips and chains and you can’t tie me down. So no whips and chains in the Harlow household?”

“I… look I have a story about that. It’s not the fact that there’s absolutely none because at one point in time there was.”

“Damn, do I need popcorn for this because I feel like I need popcorn for this.” Alex added while busting out laughing.

“So, I tie her up, blindfold her, we got the nipple clamps, all that shit, and I handcuff myself to her to get her to stop moving and I lost the key in the process. So, she notices that I get quiet and she’s freaking out asking me what’s wrong and when I finally tell her she’s like call Urban. He’s our best friend who lived with us at the time and he has seen some wild shit and I know he’s so fucking tired of us. So with my free hand, I use my phone to call him and he comes and sees what the situation is, finds the key and leaves us there and goes to sleep because we had woken him up and he was pissed. So he just left us there until the morning.”

“I LITERALLY CANNOT! But, was it really a punishment though? Handcuffed to your wife so I can imagine a few more rounds came after that?” Alex asked while wiggling her eyebrows.

“More than a few.”

“Now talk to me about the other wild shit that he has seen.”

All Jack did was hang his head as he busted out laughing.

“I… I don’t even know where to fucking start. Urb is always getting pulled into the middle of shit that he absolutely had nothing to do with.”

“That’s what best friends are for. Now, how do you feel about choking?”

“Anything she wants, I will do it. Nothing is off limits for her. I admit that it’s not my favorite thing in the world, but if it’s going to make her orgasm faster, I’m all for it. She definitely comes first. Pun intended.”

“Oh, so you’re all about putting her needs first in the bedroom?”

“And in life, that’s my baby and her needs and wants are always going to be met. Been doing that since we were fifteen when we were officially together.”

“Now you said nothing is off limits when it comes to her, so she’s just like ‘babe, let me peg you’.”

“No, absolutely not, no one is sticking anything up my ass. I love my wife through and through, but no. That’s a little too much for me. Come on Alex, I’m not that adventurous, my lyrics literally say ‘I’m vanilla baby’.”

“Well, I might have put an idea in your head that you’ll want to try with her later.”

“Nope.”

“Favorite sex position?”

“Do you…. Do you not know what they call me?” Jack curiously asked her in disbelief.

“No, what do they call you?”

“Missionary Jack.”

“Please shut up because literally no one calls you that, you call yourself that.”

“I swear that’s what they call me!”

“And who gave you that nickname?”

“If it was someone other than my wife then that’s a problem. She’s called me that since forever.”

“What do you like about it?”

“It’s underrated on so many levels. I swear my triplets were conceived in missionary. Because here’s my thing, I’m face to face with her, at one point her ankles are going to be behind her head or on top of my shoulders and I’m going the fuck in.”

“Well damn, what’s her favorite position? I’m going to get her on here, but I want to hear it from you.”

“She likes to think that she’s in control, so she likes to ride me. But she knows who runs this shit. My kids aren’t the only ones who call me daddy.” Jack responded while smirking and all Alex did was playfully roll her eyes.

“Your wife is going to get you for that one and I’m going to let her have at it.”

“Yeah that’s how it all starts and it’ll end with me fucking her brains out like it always does.”

“You’re going to be in for it when this is over. Hmm, kinks?”

“I love praising her because I know it makes her reach her peak faster, but definitely a spit kink.”

“OH! TELL ME MORE! I am intrigued!”

“Alex, you are funny as shit.”

“I’m serious! Out with it.”

“Spitting in her mouth and watching her swallow it.”

“Are you sure you’re as vanilla as you say you are, because? Yeah I’m going to need wifey here to get her perspective. Do you think she’s ever faked an orgasm while you were in her? Would you be able to tell?”

“I know her body inside and out and she better not do that shit and have me find out about it. But, I don’t think she has.”

“Hand jobs, blow jobs?”

“Fuck yeah, I love me a good hand job or blow job.”

“Craziest place that you’ve gotten one or had sex period?”

“On a plane to Australia. We thought everyone was asleep, but of course everyone except Urb. This was what I meant when he is always getting caught in the middle of some shit that has nothing to do with him. It was difficult because I’m so tall, but we made it work.”

“What would an erotic vacation look like for you?”

“Definitely fucking her brains out non stop in some tropical ass location. We’re not leaving our room for the entire time that we’re there.”

“Ooohh, now if you could have sex in any location in the world, where would it be?”

“Hmm, I never really thought about it. Maybe some exotic ass shit like behind a waterfall or something. But, I was also thinking the white house lawn because I don’t mind an audience.”

“NOT THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN!”

“YOU ASKED!”

“Have you ever had or thought about trying tantric sex?”

“I’ve never really thought much about it, but I would have to do my research. If wifey wants it, I’m down.”

“She really does wear the pants in your relationship, huh?”

“Alex, like I said before, you’re funny and no she doesn’t.”

“I literally do not think that anyone will agree with you. If I were to do a poll right now, everyone will probably say that she does.”

“I let her think that she does.”

“Mmm hmm, sure. Now what is your dirtiest sexual fantasy?”

“I don’t even know since I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to it and not many things are off limits.”

You had just gotten to the hotel that Jack was staying at while he was filming for his episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast when you decided to surprise him. He had been going non stop since the release of his new single and getting ready to go on The Kentucky Tour.

Of course Urban was with him and sent you a text saying that he was almost done and you promptly took a quick shower and slipped on one of Jack’s favorite lingerie sets which happened to be black and purple. You threw on your black silk robe in case you got cold and simply laid out on the bed and played on your phone waiting for your husband.

You had fallen asleep waiting for him when you felt him reach down and place a kiss on your lips and your eyes fluttered open.

“What are you doing here?” He playfully asked as he was now kneeling on the bed in front of you and playing with the ties on your black silk robe.

“I wanted to surprise my husband since he’s been working so hard and I figured you would want a little time to have me to yourself.” You answered while motioning for him to lean down so that you could kiss him which he quickly did.

As Jack deepened the kiss, he took the opportunity to undo your robe and took in the sight of you in front of him.

“A sight that I can never get tired of seeing.”

He started to kiss down your neck when you lightly pushed him away from you and flipped the two of you over as you went to undo his pants and slide down his boxer briefs.

“Last night on the phone with you wasn’t enough and I decided that I wanted you in my mouth as soon as possible.”

The night before, Jack was complaining about missing you so just like you had done many times before, you gave him a show which ended up with him cumming multiple times as he watched you.

Jack had now tossed his shirt to the other side of the room and you had gotten his boxer briefs completely off before taking him in your mouth painfully slow making him grab the back of your head and buck his hips towards you.

“Baby, do not fucking tease me right now. All I basically did was talk about how good I fuck you in that podcast and we need to get to it before I fucking bust. This shit is starting to hurt and take that lingerie off.” Jack whined as you were making yourself comfortable.

Before taking him back in your mouth, you did as you were told.

“Patience, my love. You know that I’m always going to make it worthwhile.” You answered him as you went back to pleasuring him with your mouth and your eyes began to water as you felt him reach the back of your throat.

You were taking your slow sweet time and even though Jack was getting annoyed, he was in entirely too much pleasure to say anything at the moment knowing that when he finally did cum in your mouth that it would be worth it.

“Ahh fuck. Come on baby, go a little faster than that.” Jack pleaded with you, but then you took him out of your mouth and went to the edge of the bed and laid down upside down.

“Get over here and face fuck me then.” You said while giggling and Jack wasted no time getting in front of you and sliding himself back into your mouth while throwing his head back in pleasure.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, ohhhh shiiiiit.”

Jack had now taken a hold of both sides of your face and began moving in and out of your mouth as you reached down to play with your clit knowing that if he saw you playing with yourself that he would cum faster.

“Come on baby, open that pretty mouth of yours wider for me. You can take more of me, you’re doing such a good job.”

You did as you were told and inserted two fingers while still continuing to play with your clit with the opposite hand as you felt the spit from your mouth leaking down the sides of it.

“You playing with your pussy for me? Add another finger for daddy.”

Listening to Jack, you added another finger as he reached down to spit on your clit which made you increase the pace of your fingers.

You couldn’t help but to moan while Jack was still in your mouth and knew that you were going to reach your peak soon.

And as if right on cue, you heard Jack.

“Fuck, baby.” He tightly held onto you as you hit your peak and felt the cum shooting down your throat and out the sides of your mouth, but you continued sucking him off not showing him any mercy.

“Hold on!”

You shook your head no as you continued to move him in and out of your mouth, but finally let up when you felt another load shoot into your mouth and quickly swallowed it. Jack slightly moved away from you as you sat up and turned around to face him smirking.

“Wait until I get your ass for doing that.” Was all he said as you reached up to kiss him. You caught him off guard as you reached down and slowly began to jerk him off when he broke the kiss and looked down at you.

“Get your ass to the top of the bed and spread your legs so I have enough room.”

You moved until you reached the top as Jack hovered over you and simply looked down at you to admire you.

“What, babe?” You asked as you were now beginning to shy away from him, but all he did was lightly grab your face and kiss you.

“Nothing, it’s just my wife is so gorgeous and I’m about to have her screaming at the top of her lungs with how good I’m about to make her feel.” He answered as he began to rub small circles along your clit and reached down to kiss you while slipping his tongue in your mouth.

When you least expected it, he slowly entered you making you gasp against his lips which he quickly quieted you with another kiss as he began to move.

“Look at my pretty girl taking this dick.”

Jack then lifted your legs so that they were on the top of his shoulders and began pounding into you making you gasp as he caught you in another kiss.

“Shiiiit.” Was all you could mutter as you wrapped your arms around Jack’s neck as both of your noses were touching.

As Jack continued to keep the same pace, he kept his eyes on you and simply smirked.

“Open your mouth.”

You felt warm liquid slide down the back of your throat as he continued to move and place small kisses along your breasts.

On your right breast, he placed a small kiss and bit down and continued to suck on the same spot as you were letting out a series of curses and whimpers.

That was going to leave a mark, but you would deal with that later.

Jack then reached down to play with your clit and he quickly went to suck on your other breast knowing that he would have you come undone in front of him in less than a minute.

“Fuck, baby. Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

Jack then felt a rush of warm liquid hit the bottom part of his stomach and smirked as he reached up to kiss you.

As you were slowing down your breathing, Jack continued to rub small circles along your clit while kissing down your neck.

Once you felt that you recovered enough, you reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a bottle of lube that you had brought and handed it to Jack as you moved to get on all fours.

All he did was smirk at you before opening the bottle as you were making yourself comfortable in front of him.

You had only done anal a handful of times, but you found yourself wanting it more and more lately and of course, Jack wasn’t opposed.

“Baby, remember you have to relax so I can get in easier.” You heard him say as he was getting ready behind you.

“Yes, I know.” You softly answered as you felt the tip.

Jack noticed he was meeting resistance so he added more lube and had you arch your back a little bit more before trying again.

He was moving in slowly and didn’t hear anything from you which had him concerned and he simply stopped.

“Baby, you okay? You aren’t saying anything.”

“I’m fine, just keep going.”

After a few minutes, he was fully in and gave you a minute to adjust and made sure that you were okay.

“You ready for me to move?”

All you did was nod towards him as you felt him moving in and out of you.

“You’re doing so good, you’re doing so good for me baby. Arch your back a tiny bit more.”

Complying, you slowly but surely started to notice how good it felt as Jack reached down and you felt him insert what felt like a vibrator in you.

You had no idea when he had time to get it, but you weren’t in any way, shape, or form complaining.

“Babeee, oh fuck.”

“Got a new toy to use on you.”

Between the vibrator and Jack pleasuring you, you felt your legs begin to get weak and the perfect arch that you had once had was forgotten as you were trying to hold yourself up.

Jack noticed this and instead of turning the vibrator down and decreasing his pace, he did the opposite and turned it up while increasing his pace making you scream out.

“Baby…. Mmm… fuck I can’t…”

“Yes you can and you will, arch your back for me. Such a good girl.”

Jack reached down to play with your clit and your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks making you scream out as he slid out and released all over your back.

He then slid the vibrator out of you as you collapsed on your stomach and reached down to kiss your neck.

“You okay, down there? You were so good for me.”

You let out something of a groan letting him know that you were okay and he instantly laughed while sliding off the bed and pulling you by the ankles so that you were at the end of the bed and Jack was on his knees.

“Get on your knees for me because we are nowhere near done.”

This made you do a double take as you looked back at him in confusion.

“You didn’t think you were about to come all this way and I wasn’t going to taste my wife’s pussy, did you? Spread them damn legs.”

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#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x black reader #jack harlow smut #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow fluff #first lady of pg

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one-piece-aus · 6 months ago

Note

Hii I hope your day is going well ! I was looking through your masterlist and saw your music hcs from a few years ago for the straw hats and I don't think you did the followup for supernova trio? I was wondering if i could request that myself or even music hcs for all supernovas if possible? Thank you :)

Ahoy! I sorta haven't been getting around to it like many of my other hcs and requests, but I am in the mood to do music related stuff! Also I've broaden my music tastes a lot since last time so I might need to update the Strawhats' later, but for now we're here for-

Music Genres/Artists the Supernovas Listen to (Headcanons)

Law

If your first thought is that he listens to the most edgiest emo music there is, you're absolutely right!/hj

Okay, but being real here, he's gonna be picky about the edgy music, I'd say it leans more to moody rather than depressed

Songs like that would be Something in the Way and Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana, Paint it Black by Rolling Stones, Natural, Bones and (maybe) Enemy by Imagine Dragons, Heathens and Stresssd Out by Twenty One Pilots, Losing My Religion by R.E.M. , Crying Lightning by Artic Monkeys, Duvet by Bòa

Crazy by Gnarls Barkley was 1000% played a repeat nurmous times

Can be found at 1 am - 3 am listening and sometimes singing Wake Me Up Inside/hj

Oblivion by Dirty Palm on the other hand is played here and there but he's not too much a fan of bass songs unless he is at the club drunk and dancing all that stress & trauma off (love that one rave Law fanart )

Viva La Vida by Coldplay is a classic favorite for him

You know, he probably listens to Maneater by Daryl Hall because Dr. Heart Stealer gives those vibes

Enjoys the SIAMÉS album Bounce Into The Music but would also find comfort in their album Home

His go to genres would be soft rock or alternative rock but isn't opposed when it comes to certain pop songs like Don't You Worry Child (catch him at the right time and he will get emotional over that song)

Enjoys the older stuff & independent artists (I remember reading Law is German so many he'd like German music?)

Artists he listens to: Nirvana, Coldplay, Three Doors Down, Franz Ferinard, Artic Monkeys, The Score, Imagine Dragons, and Fall Out Boy

Kid

Metal Music

Was that not obvious?

Loves the classics

Metallica, Guns & Roses, Thrasher, Black Sabbath, Rob Zombie, Three Days Grace, Smashing Pumpkins

He enjoys rock

The Offspring, Foo Fighters, Skid Row, Rolling Stones, Finger Eleven, Ozzy Osborne, AC/DC

He enjoys some new bands like Yungbund, Blacklite District, and Goku Luck

I know there's pirate metal but he gives more viking metal vibes (does listen to both)

You know he's jamming out to the second Death Note opening & Kaiju No. 8's opening

Traitor by Daughtry and Unstable by Chaotica

He might like phonk

Says rap is crap (who's gonna tell him Goku Luck is hiphop)

Allergic to Country/serious

Is the kind of Metalhead that says Nu Metal is not Metal

Psst, can I let you in on a little secret? He secretly listens to Lady Gaga, don't tell anyone or he'll kill you

Killer

Listens to most of the stuff Kid does but also has his own tastes

Nickel Back, Coldplay, Valley of Wolves, Unsecret, Skillet, One OK Rock, Meatloaf, Opal in Sky, Okamoto, The Cranberries, and Man With a Mission

Killer is more familiar with sea shanties than Kid

He enjoys listening to Uta (Ado), his favorite song of hers would be Gira Gira because he does relate to the lyrics (he really wanted to go to her concert but the crew probably got caught up doing business on another island and missed it)

Secretly would go to a 90s pop rave, waving glowsticks as artists like 2 Unlimited blast through the speakers/silly

Is the kind of Metalhead that says Nu Metal is Metal (not in front of Kid though)

Also allergic to country/serious

Hawkins

Dark Academia and Goth Ambience

He enjoys the somber pianos, it's peaceful and helps him study

Organ pianos are pleasing to him as well, if played right

He might be able to play piano but the violin (which is another instrument he enjoys listening to) is tricky to find the rhythm he prefers

Does love classic violin yet finds the epic violin music videos on YouTube to be appealing

And if he’s not listening to that, meditation/ambiance music is playing

Unironically listens to background music from video games such as Minecraft or Genshin Impact

Moonlit Night from the Death Parade OST is one of his favorites

If you can't tell, he enjoys soothing instrumentals

Is a big fan of Tchaikovsky

Enjoys music from 90s Disney (Cinderella especially)

Absolutely listens to Phantom of the Opera! Look at this man! You can't tell me he doesn't!

Probably enjoys French love songs

Apoo

DJ Apoo is in the house and you know he's all about the funky music!

80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, and even 20s, he loves all the rave & bass boost songs

Eurodancer, Daft Punk, 2 Unlimited, it's all a bop

Hip-hop & Rap are his jam (his taste for that would not be mine so you may list them here)

Apoo is pretty organized with his playlists, being a DJ and all, has most of them separated by genre

He thinks listening to music from Anime, Movies, and Video Games is stupid (*hands you your baseball bat*)

Drake

His ass is boring

He listens to whatever is playing on the radio

Not much of a music guy so he doesn't have any custom playlists

He might be fond of a few songs that come on the radio

Music to Drake is mainly just background noise when driving

While he doesn't mind someone playing their music, he prefers if he can understand the lyrics

Drake will easily get flustered if he hears spicy songs being played, especially if someone else is there, if he’s alone he’s instantly changes the station

Bonney

Popstars by KDA

I think her taste leans to rebellious as in "Fuck you, I do what I want"

So her taste can go from Don't Threaten Me With a Good Time by Panic At The Disco, to Seven Nation Army by White Stripes

Artists she listens to on the regular would be The Offspring, Panic At The Disco, BTS(?), P!nk, Fallout Boy, Cozmez, Fake Type, UNSECRET, and Eminem

Maybe a few Kelly Clarkson songs like Stronger and Since You've Been Gone

She does not like others putting on music, you can expect her to make a fuss if you try putting on something

Auxcord hog

Bege

The Godfather OST/hj

But for real he does like Italian instrumentals

Has a taste for soft love ballets

A few French and Spanish songs are appealing to him

He doesn't like pop, hip hop, rock, metal, or rap, and doesn't understand why the youth enjoy it so much

Except for 80s J-pop, he can see the appeal for songs such as Airport Lady by Toshiki Kadomatsu or Telephone Number by Junko Ohashi

And soft rock, specially the love songs like Just The Way You Are by Billy Joel or Can't Help Falling in Love With You by Elves (he just loves his wife, guys)

Urouge

So basing this off one of his hobbies Oda has confirmed

He loves seductive music, whether it’s playing in the background or he looking for something to listen to

Most played songs is Careless Whispers

Jazz and spicy pop are his top genres

Prime examples are: Mirrors by Natalia Kills, Sway by Michael Bublé, Pause by Pitbull, One More Night by Maroon 5, Stalker's Tango by Autoheart Lent

I could make playlists for them if y'all want but for now, do what you will with these headcanons, make your own playlists ✨️

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10byten · 1 year ago

Text

Yuta's Collab

Summary : You met Yuta at a musical social event. And between the two of you a beautiful alchemy is born

Warning : Y/N and Yuta discover each others, beginning of a relationship, SMUT at some point.

Words : 5000

You accidentally wander into the men’s room and freeze—he’s standing right there. He looks surprised at first, but then that surprise melts into something amused.

“I didn’t know they had gender-neutral restrooms here,” he says, smirking. “Pleasantly surprised.” His eyes sweep over you in a way that feels far too intentional.

You manage to recover, despite the what-is-happening-right-now energy swirling in your brain. “Sometimes you have to push progress yourself,” you reply, surprising even yourself with that burst of confidence. Aren’t you supposed to be the perpetually stressed-out, self-conscious type?

He raises an eyebrow, clearly impressed. “If everyone thought like that, the world would be moving a lot faster,” he says with a laugh. “I’m Yuta. I identify as a man—or, wait, no—‘man’ works just fine,” he says, holding out a hand, nails perfectly polished.

You shake his hand, introducing yourself. “By the way, the nails—and the rings—chef’s kiss. Super classy.”

His grin grows wider, clearly pleased. “What can I say? Gotta bring my A-game for society,” he teases, before tilting his head and adding, “And I’m loving the piercing. You’ve got good taste.”

You’re caught between blushing and beaming when he leans toward the door. “Maybe we should continue this chat somewhere less… soapy? A woman like you deserves champagne, not bathroom tiles.”

Is he serious? That grin says he might be. Either way, you’re intrigued. You let him lead you out.

A few minutes later, you’re both holding champagne glasses by the bar. He hands you yours with a flourish. “So, what brings you to this party? What’s your story?”

You smirk. “Apart from being the unofficial ambassador for non-binary toilets? I’m a production assistant for the company running this event. My job is to make sure everything goes smoothly when you artists start prepping for an album drop.”

He raises an eyebrow, mock-offended. “Artists? So, you know who I am? Or did my vibe just scream ‘artsy rockstar’?”

“Maybe a little of both,” you reply, a playful glint in your eye. “Though I might know you’re a Japanese rockstar who somehow landed in a Korean boy band.”

He laughs, genuinely delighted. “Wow, no one’s ever summed me up so perfectly before. A fan of those boy bands, huh?”

“I might’ve heard a song or two,” you say, feigning nonchalance. “Research purposes, of course. Our labels are about to sign a partnership, after all. We’ll be your first European distributors, so I take my job very seriously.”

“Clearly,” he says, impressed. “Remind me to shout you out at the next SM meeting. Gotta highlight that dedication.”

Later, after sneaking down to the studio floor with him—your badge granting exclusive access—you challenge him to a spur-of-the-moment session. “Let’s see what you’ve got, rockstar. I’ll throw on a beat, you show me what’s in that head of yours.”

Yuta, never one to back down from a challenge, grins. “Just try not to fall in love with my voice,” he teases before stepping into the booth.

You cue up a Chase Atlantic-inspired beat, expecting him to take a moment to find his rhythm. Instead, he jumps in like he’s been rehearsing for weeks. His voice is raw and captivating, weaving effortlessly with the beat. You’re stunned.

When he steps out of the booth, you’re still processing. “That… that was insane. When’s the solo album, again?”

He chuckles, leaning against the doorframe. “Depends. Know any good collaborators?”

His eyes meet yours, and the way he’s looking at you makes your heart race. Is he still talking about music?

You shake off the thought, channeling your professionalism. “If this is a collab pitch, my schedule just cleared up.”

“Deal,” he says, offering his hand. You shake it, but he pulls you closer, his voice dropping low. “Looking forward to showing you everything I’m capable of.”

The next day is torture. Every look, every laugh, every damn word out of Yuta’s mouth sends your brain spiraling. By the time the day’s session ends, you’re mentally drained, but he’s not done with you yet.

As you head for the stairs, hoping to escape unnoticed, he follows. Before you can react, he catches your wrist and pins you gently against the wall. His eyes burn with mischief, his voice low and teasing.

“About yesterday—you didn’t give me a chance to respond,” he says, his hand resting on your hip. “But for the record, I’ve never enjoyed the studio as much as I did with you. Spending the day watching you? Imagining what we could do if the others weren’t there? That’s my favorite part of this collab.”

You’re breathless. Before you can overthink it, you grab his shirt, pulling him into a kiss that feels both inevitable and electric. He responds instantly, his hands tangling in your hair.

“This is so against the rules,” you whisper when he finally pulls back, a devilish smirk on his lips.

He leans in, voice dropping to a delicious growl. “Then we’d better make it worth the risk.”

You didn't expect so much, but that's all it takes for you to jump down his throat. You've never used your vibrator as much as you have in the last 48 hours, since this guy came into your life. Your fantasy becomes reality: you're making out with Nakamoto Yuta on the stairs of your agency. He stops suddenly and puts his finger to his mouth to tell you to be quiet. He hears the last people leaving the floor by elevator. And lifts you up in one swift movement to carry you in his arms.

"I'm flattered by such ardor, but I think a slight punishment is in order for the attitude I received yesterday and for no response to my message" his voice has become deeper and intimidating, bossy.

He sets you down on the studio chair and takes off your jacket. You look at him like a scared deer. God, you're so sexy with that innocent look, especially when he knows you're far from it. He senses your wild, depraved side. You're a sweet girl who can be the best slut if pushed. He'll know how to push you. He takes off your top and undoes his belt, "stretch your arms back." You obey and moan as he tightens the leather around your wrists. He moves back to the front and licks your bottom lip, the warmth of his breath driving you crazy. "Does it hurt?" you shake your head to say you're ok. He finally kisses your mouth, then your jaw and finally your neck. "You realize this is my workplace" he raises his head as if annoyed by your words "it could have been my bed or yours, but for that you'd have to answer me of course. And please call me master for the rest of this time".

You close your eyes, the mere sound of his voice in your ears driving you crazy, but the end of that sentence sends a wave of shivers through your body. You clench around nothing. He watches your thighs close in search of friction. He smiles and moves down from your neck to your chest, pulling down your bra and gently licking your nipple, nibbling it and moving on to the next, massaging and licking it relentlessly, you try to remain discreet for fear of being overheard by someone in the corridor. A little moan comes from between your teeth as you feel his teeth against your nipple again. He continues his descent down your belly, following the trace of your navel. He unbuttons your jeans and discovers a tattoo on your hip. He looks at you astonished, "I never thought I'd discover so many treasures hidden here, you're full of surprises." You feel like a pampered goddess. He yanks off your jeans and caresses the edges of your panties, "may I?" You lean your head back, "please master". "hmm my good girl really understood quicly" he buries his head between your thighs and covers them with burning kisses.

He grabs the top of your panties and pulls to create pressure on your clitoris. He licks your core through the textile. You moan, needing more, wanting more. You've never felt such need, such desire for someone. He runs a finger over you to gently caress your folds, you feel you could explode. Then he suddenly stands up and kisses you. He in turn removes his top and jeans, without taking his eyes off you. You watch him, biting your lip, as you finally see his spear appear. He moves closer to you and puts his hand around your throat, "Do you want me?" "More than anything, Master" you answer in the most confident tone of your life. He grasps a part of your shadow, a darkness you could only show in the most secret, intimate setting. "Prove it to me" you don't lose contact with his gaze and you grasp his cock with your mouth with your arms still attached. You'd never been so nimble with just your mouth. But your desire was too strong. Your lips meet his tip and you see him close his eyes in pleasure. He feels himself going to heaven, how can you be so good just with your mouth. You deepen your thrust and achieve a deep throat that wrings a grunt of pleasure from him. You're still watching him, your eyes filling with tears from the lack of air and the sensation of his glans touching the back of your throat. But you don't let go, you wait after him, a sign, you can push your limits for him. "You can release, thank you sweetie" you gently pull up his long cock and finish with a kiss on his tip. "Anything you say master." He tilts his head to the side "how can you be so perfect, I think you're going to drive me completely insane." you smile proudly at his words. He's got you in the palm of his hand, but the feeling seems to be mutual and fills you with satisfaction.

He lifts you up and slips his fingers between your legs, "my turn to satisfy you, I think."

You close your eyes and let him begin his dance. He gently caresses your inner thighs and slowly works his way up to your intimacy. He brushes against it and plays his fingertips over your folds, as if you were a piano keyboard whose keys must be touched with care. You moan with pleasure, this moment seems endless and the most exciting of your life. You don't think at all about the fact that you're naked in your workplace, tied up by a collaborating artist who's also naked, trying to get you into paradise. What a scandal if someone were to open that door right behind you. Whatever the moment, it was worth all the punishment it might bring.

Yuta never exerts any pressure; all you feel is a light caress, like a breeze on her intimacy, your clitoris particularly stimulated. You've never been caressed like this, either by a sexual partner or by yourself. It's an astonishing discovery; you didn't think that delicate friction could be more exciting than pressure or vibration. His ring finger passes over your now-soaked clitoris one last time. Then, with his two fingers, he pinches you, creating a friction. He watches you moan with pleasure and lose yourself in his neck. He grabs the tip of your chin with his free hand and looks into your eyes, searching for your climax. His gaze finishes you off, you feel the pleasure rise and rise inside you. He glances down and sees your thighs trembling, he knows "go on beauty, I can't wait to feel you dripping onto my fingers." That's all you needed, the wave of pleasure you've been waiting for all day finally sweeps through your body and lasts surprisingly longer than usual, lingering, exploding your heartbeat and leaving you breathless and powerless. Your legs wobble, Yuta catches you and lifts you into his arms.

"To much for you babygirl?". He unbuckles his belt to free your arms. Your head rests on his shoulder, you're already exhausted, this man is literally sucking the life out of you, and god, it's delicious. You need a moment to catch your breath and your spirits, during which time Yuta holds you in his arms in a rather comforting way.

You finally lift your head and feel more determined than ever to exhaust your body with this man. He sees that animal gleam in your eyes, he knows what it means, you two aren't done yet.

"Okay young lady, but if we're going for it I'm not here for joking, okay with you?"

"Same here, that's a deal."

You seem so full of confidence and self control, this attitude works like an aphrodisiac on him.

You sit up astride him "I'm ready to ride my bull, master".

He plunges his eyes into yours and feels your ass before giving it a firm, dry spank. You let out a little cry of surprise, he starts again after another caress. "Be careful my angel, I'm in a turbulent mood." You slide up and down his member. And finally after tilt your entrance, he inserts his tip into your hole. He stays there for a while, holding your hips up with no hands. He puts you to the test, you can't hold on any longer and sink completely onto him. He gives you a scolding look, as if to say you should have let him. He pushes into you a few times in a gentle way and then withdraws. He carries you to your feet, and you look up at him, questioning and desperate. He grabs your hair and turns you over. "I told you I was feeling wild. You should have let me.”

He pulls on your hair to arch you, your ass is now well exposed in front of his cock, he approaches your ear and whispers "safeword is butterfly, never hesitate to use it baby girl." You're really in a cheeky mood and reply in a provocative tone, "make me, push my bounds Nakamoto." He sneers and straightens up, still holding your hair in a firm grip. He grabs his belt lying on his side and caresses each of your buttocks with the leather. He raises his hand and lightly whips you a first time, you grit your teeth at the sensation, a pleasant pain. "I'm going to increase the force a little each time, I'll stop when you let me hear a moan of pleasure." You loosen your teeth to give him a "yes master". He starts caressing your ass again with the tip of his leather and whips you again, you love the sensation but the intensity isn't strong enough for you yet. You arch your back a little more, as if to ask for more. He smiles, you're about to become his favorite distraction. He repeats his gesture 5 times and then you finally let out a cry of pleasure. He's found it, the perfect intensity, the one that pinches but sends a wave of pleasure through you. He releases your hair and leans down to kiss each of your now red buttocks. "Good girl. Now let me enter again." He hasn't even finished his sentence when you feel him at the entrance of your pussy and he pushes in with a sharp thrust. "You seemed to be in a hurry earlier, I wouldn't keep you waiting any longer," each of his loins thrusts sends you into nirvana. He pushes faster and faster, harder and harder. And you feel your brain liquefy, he's taken total control over you, your body and above all your pleasure. You feel like a doll in his hands, he could make you do anything. Isn't that a bit the case already?

Each thrust of his hips gives you the feeling that he's going deeper and deeper inside you. This moment seems timeless. You've lost all track anyway. He stops to turn you over. You're not sure yourself, but you nod in agreement. "Good, I want to see you when you chase your next orgasm." he sits back in the chair you were in before and taps his thighs. "Come on, show me how you can bounce this hot booty on me.”

You don't know how you'll manage to stand on him with your legs barely supporting you, but you're dying to. You reach over and straddle him, put your arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. He responds with equal enthusiasm. You align yourself with him and feel him enter again. He fits you so well, as if you'd been a jewel box made for him. You hop up and down on him, causing your chest to bounce, Yuta can't take his eyes off it. "Your the sexiest collaborator I've ever had." You smile at his words, him telling you he thinks you're sexy makes you want to pick up the pace. And you do, you almost twerk on his lap, he'd dream of having a mirror on the opposite wall to see your ass bouncing with every move. You see in his eyes that there's a lot going on in his head and you'd like to know what he's thinking, what fantasies he's indulging in, what he'd dream of doing to you. You slow down, exhausted, your body starting to fail. He grabs your ass in his firm, veiny hands. "Don't worry love, I handle it" he winks at you. "You've been so good, you deserve some rest."

What you take away from this moment when you've completely lost your mind is that you've never been fucked so hard and so well. You almost feel as if your soul has left your body, you blackout. You feel his hand grab your chin and lean in to kiss you. The touch of his lips, his breath on your skin, that's all you need, you feel a wave run through you again. And then you explode, calling out his name repeatedly, earning him a devastating smile. He feels your body vibrate against him and become fragile. He slows down his thrusts because he sees you can't take it anymore. You stay in his arms until you come to your senses, feeling his heartbeat. When you feel your mind is a little clearer, you straighten up and kneel before him. "My master hasn't finished yet, I must please you."

"How lovely from you" he caresses your cheek with his thumb.

You catch yourself ardently at the task and suck Yuta as if he were a delicious ice cream melting in the sun. He places a hand on your head to accompany your rhythm, you increase the frequency. He moans softly, you send him to heaven with your tongue, which you wrap around his stick "How do you do that?" You look at him with innocent eyes, which makes him grunt. He presses down on your head so the tip of his cock touches the back of your throat. He holds you like this for a moment, and you feel his cock pulsing in your mouth "I'm coming angel, I need to know where do u want it?" he releases his grip on your head. You straighten it a little but keep Yuta in your mouth and look at him as if to give him permission. He ejaculates in a second, letting out a big sigh of pleasure. When he's done, you release his cock and hold his gaze as you swallow hard.

He grabs your face gently, pulling you into a long, deep kiss. Slowly, he lowers you onto your clothes scattered across the floor. For a while, you just lie there, kissing and cuddling like you’ve got all the time in the world.

“We should probably get dressed,” he murmurs against your skin, his lips brushing your temple. “Before someone walks in and things get... awkward.”

You laugh softly, nodding. He kisses your forehead one more time before standing up and helping you gather your things.

In the elevator, it’s quiet. Neither of you says a word, but the way he looks at you says everything. The moment breaks when the doors open, and his manager steps in.

“Still here, Yuta? Thought you wanted to explore something new in the city.”

“Oh, I already did,” Yuta says with a smirk, not even glancing at his manager. His eyes stay locked on yours as he adds, “And I think I’m obsessed.”

Your face heats up instantly, but you can’t help the grin spreading across your lips.

The next few days fly by. Yuta doesn’t even leave your apartment, and honestly? You’re not complaining. You start and end every day together, falling into an easy rhythm that feels way too natural for how quickly everything’s happened.

But then reality kicks in—he has to go back to Korea. You both knew this was temporary, but that doesn’t make it any easier when the day finally comes. You spend his last morning together at work, trying to ignore the ache building in your chest.

In the afternoon, you walk with him to the rooftop for one last cigarette before he heads to the airport. The sunlight catches his face just right, and you can’t stop staring, trying to memorize everything about him. He catches you looking and raises an eyebrow.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” you blurt out, surprising even yourself.

He smiles, leaning against the railing. “I believe sometimes something clicks between two people, and there’s no point in trying to explain it.” He pauses, tilting his head like he’s debating whether to keep going. “And yeah, I think that’s what happened. Right there in the men’s room a few days ago.”

You laugh, the memory of that ridiculous first meeting making your chest feel a little lighter. It’s the exact answer you didn’t know you needed.

When it’s finally time to say goodbye, you pull him into a tight hug. You thank each other—for the work, for the week, for everything. And because he’s Yuta, he just has to leave you with a tease.

“Don’t let another Japanese guy charm you like this, okay? I’d be jealous.”

You snort. “I’ll try my best. Promise. See ya, Yuta.”

He winks as he heads toward the stairs. “Till next time.”

The second he’s gone, the emptiness hits. He took up so much space in your life this past week, and now everything feels a little too quiet. When you wake up the next morning, it’s like the whole thing was a dream. But then your phone buzzes, and you see his name.

“Made it home. I already miss you, not gonna lie. But guess who’s coming back for fashion week 😉? Hope you’ve got some time for your Japanese guy.”

You can’t type back fast enough: “I’ll clear my whole schedule for you. Can’t wait to see you. And yeah... I miss you too.”

His reply comes almost immediately: “Wait for me, babe. I’ll be back soon.”

Just like that, your day’s already a million times better. And now, all you can do is count the days until he’s back.

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d3ad-on-arriva1 · 16 days ago

Text

im stealing your survey peter

Do you love yourself more than the person you’re with? not with anyone rn, but never in a million years man

Do you believe in marriage? not really its a fucked up little institution

About how long does it take you to get ready in the mornings? with phone in bed time and dawdling? 2 hours. without? 15 minutes

Have you ever dated someone who was married? nope thatd be weird

Do you go to school, if so where, and what are you studying? i go to highschool and im studying everything because im in highschool

How often do you drink alcohol? never have and dont plan to it grosses the shit outta me!

Do you smoke cigarettes, what kind? doesnt gel with me, cant see myself ever doing it

What do you do when your bored? write fanfic, listen to albums and try not to move, draw and then erase it all bc im crap, cry

Is there someone that you think about more than 10 times a day? pete wentz haha

Do you like your hair? What color and style is it? its good but i wish it didnt get so oily so fast istg. its blonde and like above my ears ig. i miss my red money piece tho

Do you ever hear a song and think it was written to explain your situation? one hundred percent, most of them are fall out boy

Is there something you want to tell someone right now? a certain someone that i desperatedly want to be their girlboyfriend

Do you think you will be sucessful in what you want to do with your life? god i hope so

Whats something that keeps you going when you feel like you’re falling apart? my pride and ego #hellyeah

Do you have a close relationship with your parents? yep love them to bits they put up with my stupidity and forgive me whenever i fuck up. could not be more grateful

Do you believe you can love someone you hardly know? oh yeah baby

Where do you stand on body piercings and tattoos? ear lobes. BORING. wanna get labaret and upper snake bites and possibly earbrows

How often do you get sick? not often my friends can attest to the fact that i eat fucking dirt and shit off the ground so my immune system is made of lead

Are you more of a comfy dresser or do you dress to impress? i think its comfy but my parents keep telling me to stop dressing up so idk

How often do you wear high heels? once for a costume

Do you get your nails done or are they natural? all natural. chewed and painted by yrs truly

How often do you go out and not tell anyone where you’re going? sometimes if im pissed off ill ride my bike and ignore my parents phone calls. thats fun

What’s your favorite song right now? drain you by nirvana

Is it your favorite song because it reminds you of someone? nah its just really good. one baby to another says im lucky to have met you.... love it

Is there someone who when they call you drop what you’re doing to see them? @misericordiia

Do you have kids, what are their names, or what will their names be? dont have kids, if i did an option would be veronica bc i love the nickname ronnie or for a more masc option william bc i love the nickname billie. im a big nicknames guy

Where is your favorite place to vacation? havent been on many but noosa, queensland was pretty good

Have you ever fallen going up the stairs? nah but ive come close

Whats your favorite food? my sisters sphagetti with garlic bread

Do you read very often? a lot during school i read during class when i shouldnt be

How do you unwind after a long day? watch video essays on youtube

How long have you lived where you live now? lived in this town all my life, lived in this house for 3 years this year

If you were granted one wish what would you ask for? everyone in the world to be kind to eachother

Do you think more than 5 people love you? yeah defo but probs caps at 10

What was the last movie you watched? alien: prometheus. cool concept but i didnt totally understand how it fit into the serious also really fasted paced? felt super short but in a bad way

Do you think a friend will screw you over? they have before, likely to happen again.

Are you more outgoing or shy? outgoing id say. ill do anything man

Have you ever been in a pagaent? nope!

Do you have unrealistic expectations? all the time

If you could go back and redo your life would you? too early to think about that, id just be redoing a shit load of school. BORING!

How many texts do you send and receive a day? a few, the real questions is how many tumblr posts i make. too many is the answer

Do you have to keep your phone hidden or delete your messages? dont exactly do that but im protective of it

Has someone ever hurt you so badly that you can’t forgive them? oh yeah man. loads

Have you ever contemplated a career which your parents didn’t approve of? dont know if theyd approve of bassist in rock band but i dont think thatd be possible anyway. also wouldnt be able to do that im a terrible musician

Do you cuss alot? fuck yes i do

When was the last time you got mad enough to cry? uhm uhmmm like. two nights i got mad that i couldnt see greenday live (which i now am seeing haha) and cried while listening to homecming lmao

How about the last time you were sad enough to cry? few nights ago probably. i cry a lot after 11pm so whos to say. i know for sure a week or so ago i cried so hard that i then had to comfort myself by imagining myself as ellie from the last of us then ellie being comforted by joel. yikes!

Who were the last people you rode in the car with? my daddio

Where did you go last? my mums work to help her set up her classroom

When do you think you will have your life together? probably never or maybe when im older, 40s maybe

Do you pay your bills or do your parents? parents no way id be doing it

Have you ever liked someone you know you shouldn’t? mhm who hasnt

If your parents knew all your secrets how disappointed would they be? probably pretty dissapointed but mostly exasperated haha

What song are you listening to right now? temperature by sean paul. dont ask

What time do you normally go to bed? 11:30pm to 12am

What’s something you do every night before bed? jack off <3

Do you listen to music or watch tv before or while in bed? music at all times its vital to my survival

What pieces of jewellery do you wear every day? beaded necklace with a star on it, pendant with rayn ross in it, bracelt with lyrics from lonely day on it for my btich wife, a fall out boy bracelet percy made me, a turtle bracelet my mum bought me in queensland, and a bracelet that says kiyoko that matchs with percys yachi one

Is there something that means more to you than anything in the world? music

Is there a word you say too much? probably fuck or like. filler word queen

Do you think you can handle life on your own? haha unlikely

How are you feeling about the way your life is going? not good man not good

#this was fun

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yellowloid · 2 years ago

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hey! i was sort of reading “something to rely on” lyrics, and i remembered that you analyse some of miles, monkeys and tlsp songs. so, i just wanted to ask what are your thoughts on this song, cause i particularly think it’s about alex or some of it. anyway, other songs from cdg can be fully about alex, but barely no one talks about this one, so i thought it’d be great to discuss about it.

there’s also “adios tara tara” that i also think it’s about alex, as other songs from change the show, but that’s for another time! i also love your blog, your fanfics and song analysis, they’re always really good! 🫶

sooo first of all sorry for being this late lmao this is kinda embarrassing because this ask was sent MONTHS ago maybe almost a year ago it was so long ago i literally don't remember. i'm only just answering now BUT better late than never i guess skgshdfh

(as usual don't take this too seriously lmao this is just a silly theory, i'm in no way implying it's the truth. it's just delusion o'clock)

now, if you follow me you know what i think of coup de grace as an album - and that is, the fact that it's soooo about alex it's crazy like. bro was so angry and in love and heartbroken????? and he wrote a literal masterpiece of an album????? that's iconic if you ask me

so to no one's surprise, let's follow the usual theory - them having some sort of falling out after eycte because of miles getting serious and alex consequently chickening out, which led to Peak Gay Drama Year, also known as 2018, when they both release albums that - more or less explicitly - contain images that could easily be interpreted as references to each other. something to rely on is no exception:

"crescent moon, left in my drive / all too soon, you made your point"

the reference to the moon creates a pattern, since the semantic field of astral entities is also present in songs such as killing the joke, with "interstellar, dressed in leather, drinking bitter boy" - which as we all know is one of miles' most direct lines when it comes to referencing alex, and it can easily be linked to am's own space-themed album, which miles definitely got to listen before its official release date.

opening the song with a reference to the moon could be a way of @ a certain someone, letting him know that yes, this song *is* in fact about him, if he didn't get the other billion hints in the whole album. (however, for the sake of keeping it vague, i won't be referring to him directly but rather to a ~mysterious person~) (i'm sure you get my point tho *wink wink*) [gunshots]

mentioning the moon could also be a way of referencing the ever-present theme of nighttime encounters in the entirety of mk/am/tlsp's discography: sometimes those encounters are described as fun, sometimes they mean trouble; sometimes, they leave the people involved with a sense of guilt and/or shame, on which we'll come back later and which often leads to bad decisions ("all too soon, you made your point"). in this particular case, the first image that comes to my mind is someone leaving sneakily after a (series of) one-night stands, with the song obviously being from the pov of the person being left, who also gives us a reason why they think the other person left:

"keeping off the radar, how does that make you feel? / keeping it clean, through all the things you wanted me to be / out of touch, with all the rumors i keep hearing of you / keeping off the radar, how does that make you feel?"

this person doesn't seem to want other people to know about their affair, and that's why they keep it secret; it seems that they want miles to be something he's not, or something he can't be - or maybe they ask all these things of themselves, which would maybe make it easier for them to accept the relationship going public. this person wants to keep it neat and clean, picture-perfect and fitting to everything everyone expects from them; but as much as they try to stay lowkey and not attract attention, the narrator informs us that no matter how much this person tries to hide, there's still rumors going around about them, as an individual as well as their relationship(s) with other people, most likely with the narrator too.

"all aboard the guilt train / last call before we leave / last call before we learn to love / the last call before we leave"

the line referring to guilt is insanely queer-coded and i will die on this hill because it just SCREAMS internalised homophobia, with which the other person might be struggling. it wouldn't make sense otherwise - because what would that person feel guilty about, if it were a straight-passing relationship? unless it was a cheating situation, of course... but it could be a cheating situation AND also a queer one, with this person being in another (het) relationship while having a same-sex lover (the narrator), which would give that line a double explanation. also every time i listen to this song i just can't help but think about 'all aboard the kane train' WHAT WHO SAID THAT

however, the narrator tells us that this is the "last call before we leave" - meaning, he's giving this person an ultimatum to make up their mind and decide if they want to be with him for real or not, since the latter possibility would result in him leaving - not necessarily for good, but... just trying to get over that person once and for all. at the same time, though, it's also the "last call before we learn to love" - which is incredibly soft imo, because it's him still putting trust and hope into that person and a positive decision on their part. he believes they will eventually choose to be with him, he hopes for it and trusts the other person to make the right decision, which would lead to them being together and learning how to love each other without limits nor second-guesses. the repetition of the leaving line could also be seen as a way for him to give it a new meaning compared to the first one: if they ended up together, they could leave that world based on nasty rumors and appearances, ignoring them all to just be happy together. because, after all, miles declares it openly:

"you're all that i wanted / all that i need / you're all that i wanted / you're all that i need"

i mean. does this even need an explanation. bro is down BAD

"something to rely on / something to get high on / i don't want to beg or steal, i don't want to borrow hearts / i just want to make it real / something to rely on / the making of a mystery, wishing on a falling star / i don't want to let this sadness rule my heart / your actions from the start / in spite of me insightfully inviting me to fall apart"

i left the chorus last because imo it captures perfectly the whole vibe of the song and what i think is miles' outlook on life in general: the narrator wants something stable and secure, an established relationship with the other person; he doesn't want to have to beg and argue and make it more complicated than it probably already is, he doesn't want to be a pastime or just some lover. he wants something thrilling and intense, almost addictive - but most importantly, he wants something real. this complicated situation with the other person is making them both suffer, and the other person's behaviour doesn't make it any easier; but in spite of everything, and in spite of his sense of self-preservation, he still finds himself unable and unwilling to resist them, to let them go for good. and no matter how self-destructive this might be, he doesn't want to be ruled by negative emotions; he's already fallen for them, too deep to even consider letting them go. he just keeps falling, and yeah, the outcome of their situationship might still be a mystery, but he chooses to be hopeful - "wishing on a falling star", bringing the song to a circular end by mentioning other astral entities that inevitably remind us of the "crescent moon" that opens the song. which also evokes the idea of circularity that is typical of situationships like the one described here, where the moment he seems to have made up his mind (or maybe the other person finally did?) it's like rinse and repeat, and once again they're back to square one.

#there is an underlying sense of masochism running through the whole album #him coming back to that person no matter how much they're hurting him #but there's also so much love there - he keeps coming back bc he knows that person is suffering just as much as he is #and he wants to put a stop to this useless arguments and tears and complicated feelings and just. get to be with them #because he loves them and he knows they love him just as viscerally and he wants nothing but for them to finally be happy together #which is also the exact message that comes from 'wrong side of life' and that is one of the many reasons why i adore that song #THE best miles song!#but the whole album is literally amazing i love it so much he's such a king #anyway sorry again for being so late ajxjsjfkskf and thank u for all the lovely things you said about my blog/theories/fics 🥺💖💖#miles kane #coup de grace #am i tagging this as you know what. am i #...............mmmmmyeah i think i will #milex #something to rely on #my theories #once again don't take this too seriously it's just a theory i know nothing about them #all i know is they're obsessed with each other AND they were fucking raw xx #somebody sedate me!#answered

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septembersghost · 2 years ago

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How do you think the order of the JM story goes now, if there is one?

i know some people very much don't like this conversation, which is okay, but i do think there's a lot of insight about her and her experiences and her writing that exists within it. i won't go too in depth into that, but the story and progression has significance in my mind, so:

i think there definitely is an order, though only taylor herself knows or could wholly explain that. i want to also preface this with the memory of what a big deal john was at that time, because sometimes i think people either don't remember or don't know, since he's not at that stature now, but room for squares, his debut album, came out in 2001. by 2009, he was working on his fourth album (battle studies, on which taylor featured) and had seven grammys. he positioned himself as this soulful, sensitive, misunderstood guy who was so passionate and lovelorn and dedicated to his music. the friend who introduced me to him was starry-eyed about him, the idea that he had a bad boy streak only added to the appeal. slow dancing in a burning room was on all the swoony playlists (though i was partial to 3x5 and stop this train, and then we got war of my life and edge of desire...). due to his status as a musician, and the specific compliments he gave her (ie: stevie nicks to his tom petty, "this girl is going to be around for a long time") i get why taylor looked up to him and felt that infatuated thrall. (his infamous playboy interview had not happened yet btw). he lived in a duplex in gramercy park that was converted from a church parish house, it still has stained glass windows (stained glass windows in my mind, i regret you all the time). remembering that context is an aspect of the story here. anyway, this is very subjective and my own interpretation, but, to me, they'd go like this:

superman (because it's innocent and sweet and hero-worshipping. "he's not all bad like his reputation") -> i can see you (trying to keep it professional, but developing a situation) -> electric touch (some are attributing this to JG, but i really don't see it because it's very closely aligned with treacherous, and this is the first date, and she's already so nervous and fatalistic. i also have some feelings about the subject here, the duet, and half of my heart. electric touch in and of itself sounds like it could be a JM title. patrick's verse is extremely john-coded. as is, "and you won't need space or string me along..." when connected to his own writing) -> ours (the situation is now serious feelings from her. "they'll judge it like they know about me and you...the stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours.") -> treacherous (parallels back to the idea of hiding away, sleepless nights, an edge of danger. "your name has echoed through my mind and i just think you should know that nothing safe is worth the drive..." the two headlights also appear both here and in electric touch) -> foolish one (she's in love and realizing he isn't feeling the same, and she's already questioning herself and some of the manipulation she's experiencing. "you give me just enough attention to keep my hopes too high.") -> haunted ("don't leave me like this, i thought i had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong, you're all i wanted") -> dear john (it all falls apart, and she is deeply hurt and scrambling for solid ground, and reassuring herself that she got out in time. "you are an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry, never impressed by me acing your tests") -> the story of us (he acts as though everything that happened wasn't even a big deal, where to her it was defining. this and dear john could maybe be reversed? but i feel like that breaking point of devastation already happened and she's trying to get her bearings in the story of us. "this is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less, but i liked it better when you were on my side, the battle's in your hands now, but i would lay my armor down if you said you'd rather love than fight") -> i knew you were trouble (basically a reiteration of "i should've known," "and the saddest fear comes creepin' in, that you never loved me, or her, or anyone, or anything..." again hearkening back to "half of my heart is a part of a man who's never truly loved anything") -> would've could've should've (she's grown up, she has all the power of hindsight, maturity, and experience, and she realizes the full extent of damage that was done and that she carries with her. she didn't emerge as unscathed as she'd originally tried to convince herself. she's still haunted and battling the memories. "i damn sure never would've danced with the devil at 19, and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven, and now that i'm grown, i'm scared of ghosts, memories feel like weapons, and now that i'm grown, i wish you'd left me wondering." every single one of the previous songs speaks directly to those lyrics. "living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts, give me back my girlhood, it was mine first").

#she leans into his approach on continuum and battle studies which in and of itself could be studied #the guitar on dear john has always been pure unadulterated reference to his music and how he plays #and sounds like it could fit on battle studies very *specifically*#on the re-recording they emphasized that sound even more dramatically which is. striking #i have many thoughts on this #anonymous #letterbox #thrown out speeches #shining like fireworks

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bitofanattitudeproblemherondale · 2 years ago

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TID characters as Taylor Swift Albums

( i have wanted to do this for so long now)

Sophie Collins as Debut "Its alright to love someone who doesn't love you back, as long as they're worth you loving them. As long as they deserve it."

I mean she totally has those faded blue jeans paired with a tank top aesthetic when you think about it. She fell head first for a boy who showed her what hope was and then grew out of it to fall for a man who lit her world. She is brave and beautiful just like country Taylor.

Tessa Gray as Fearless (Taylor's version) "If no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?"

Because she is the epitome of hope, her transition into a new country all by herself is so inspiring, and i’ve always associated Fearless with change, the inevitable beautiful kind, that transforms you into a new person, the sort of change that grows on you.

Jessamine Lovelace as Speak Now "Life is full of risks. Death is much simpler."

Sometimes we don’t say things when we feel them before it’s too late, but like Taylor rightly said “I don’t think you should wait, I think you should speak now.” Jessamine didn’t have much time but she realized things before it was too late. She saved them by sacrificing herself. She became her own salvation.

Will Herondale as Red (Taylor's Version) "Life is a book and there are a thousand pages that I have not yet read."

Yes i promise this is definitely not because Red is my favorite album (mostly). I have always associated Red with love and said that in a way Will taught me how to love. The selfless love that comes with knowing someone, falling head first for someone unknowingly, the sort of love that comes with the risk of them not catching you as you fall. It's ugly but it's radiant. It is the most beautiful shade of red because when you look into their eyes, you know it's worth it.

Cecily Herondale as 1989 "I am not afraid of London.", Cecily said defiantly.

Are you kidding me? She is literally the new romantic. She believed in second chances, she looked for the best in people. She was sweet and the sort of person everyone would want to protect but she also knew how to stand up for herself when come to it.

Charlotte Fairchild as Reputation “What I mean,” Charlotte said, correcting herself, “is that you are a Shadowhunter first, and a lady second.”

Make way for the first female Consul. *drumroll* She is smart, she is clever, she is wise, she is badass, she is the moment. She kind of ran the institute alone for years and took care of three kids with serious issues. She is the definition of being brave.

Gabriel Lightwood as Lover “You may hide here with me, if you wish.”

Please, we can all agree on the fact that Gabriel was the misunderstood lover boy. He is easily overlooked but that does not mean he doesn't have a sparkling personality. He is a pushover but when he knows something needs to be done, he does it.

James Carstairs as Folklore "You endure what is unbearable and you bear it. That is all."

Jem Carstairs is the epitome of wisdom and I consider Folklore the most lyrically established album so I think they go well together. He is like the start of August - when the breeze in the air feels like hope. He knew how to draw stars around someone's scars and heal them. He knew how to be there for the people he loved.

#william herondale #tessa herondale #the infernal devices #cassandra clare #sophie lightwood #clockwork angel #clockwork princess #clockwork prince #james herondale #taylor swift

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ninjapaste · 1 year ago

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Do any of your characters have secret references or meanings to their names? I’m always a fan of those!

When I name characters, I most often choose a name based on how it sounds/how it would be said and if that sound communicates the character in some way. In some ways the impression of the name and its relation to other names can create symbolism for the character. However, there are times where the names are direct references to something, and with the list I made below they will be at the end bc the explanation may be longer.

(This is exclusively splat ocs because adding all my other ones will make this list too long lmao. Plus I might talk a bit about their inspirations too!)

All this stuff under the cut!!!

Starting with Peur, I chose the name bc it just sounded nice with the plosive P and if the vowels arent stressed. I always notice that if the u and e are switched it becomes 'puer' which means 'boy' in latin. Peur is inspired by pineapples, Mallorca and the summery vibes of Splatoon 3

'Orion' was a kinda cool name I chose bc I didnt wanna go with 'octavian' because it sounded too basic. I think his name adds some mystery and implies he is a classy person too (but also I am a critical role fan so the name sometimes reminds me of tiberius lol). The character is inspired by takoyaki, red son from Monkie Kid, daffy duck (mainly the voice), RPDR, saucy santana and jjba.

Oriana and all the octavio cousins have their names bc they just sound cool and fitting with their character and aesthetic, for example Olav sounds serious but memorable (for a politician) and Odaliah sounds regal and sophisticated. Oriana's name to me sounds like it would belong to someone popular so yeah. Every octavio oc I made is inspired by a musical artist and Beyonce's Renaissance album lol.

Troy's name is a direct reference to the city of Troy in Greco-Roman stories (Ilead and Aeneid), the city that is destined to fall from the Greek invasion (dont worry Troy usnt destined to die or anything lol). I think it fits because Troy is a history nerd and he just chose this name (but also it could reference Aeneas from the Aeneid who left Troy to found Rome in myth). Other than that, Troy is inspired by some JPEGMAFIA songs and my fave superhero Miles Morales (especially after atsv)

Ace's name for starters is just a short but cool name and it also refers to the ace of playing cards, not assigned to any number (like agents in the NSS) but still apart of the deck. I made the character whilst listening to MF Doom who is one of my fave rappers because of their comic book/supervillain aesthetic (check out the song crosshairs)

DJ/the Captain was called Hubert sorta as a joke lmao. Basically my sibling joked that a lot of the character names I come up with are quite goofy (shes right lol) especially after I showed her all the splashtags I made for fun. So at some point I was designing my own versions of the agents and I made a really short agent 3 with a big forehead, a receding hairline and bad posture who acts like an edgy teen and gets bullied at school (I thought it would be intersting to make this kind of scrunkle) and I was like 'ok well this is HUBERT'. I will talk about him more/share some concept stuff another time to keep it short but hes inspired by gorillaz phase 1 and psychonauts, also he moves around /poses awkwardly like the spot in atsv, especially with the shoulder and neck posture.

I kept the naming for Neo quite easy, just Neo and simple as that. However my Neo 3 took this name because its quite mysterious, lacks any attatchment to gender (Neo is agender) and is better than their birth name. But now that I think about it, its a Matrix reference and Neo is a revolutionist who rejects the system! Neo is inspired by Hobie Brown in atsv and Mayday from No Straight Roads (and yes Neo's freinds are also NSR inspired too)

I had to come up with Teryon's name when naming some files of the first few drawings of him. The name sounds kinda serious but also the shortening to 'Terry' implies he is also casual, the average friendly guy. Terry also sounds kinda like 'teddy (teddy bear🥺)' to me but I didnt want to be too on the nose. I made him bc I wanted to make a fuzzy inkfish character since the ones I saw on this site looked really cool, also Mr. Grizz's boss fight attacks looked cool to me. Terry is inspired by music by Thundercat, Tame Impala, Childish gambino and Zuke from No Straight Roads

Ok so for this last one, TW fordeath, murder and a bit of gore because I will be mentioning the Ilead and Achilles/Hector stuff.

Anchilles (omg thx crystalmonk!) Is a name I definitely thought through, the 'Achilles' bit doesnt refer to a heel or anything but actually the character himself and the gruesone thing he did to Hector in the Ilead. Achilles is a Greek soldier and Homeric hero who killed Hector (a Trojan warrior) as revenge for killing his best bro (bit fruity ngl). He was so angry at Hector for doing this that he continued to beat his dead body and he cut holes in his ankles, tied rope through them and attatched the rope to his chariot so he could drag Hector as he charioted back to the Greek camp. So yeah, Achilles biting people ls ankles is a reference to that. The smallfry is inspired by King from the owl house and ellie from No Straight Roads (a little alligator with a helicopter for some reason).

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #ask #splatoon oc

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missmielyhoran · 2 years ago

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Imagine dating Harry during the Fine Line era and then having to listen to Cherry lmao can you write something like that? Pleaseee

I feel like I would have laughed tbh💀

Here you go...it's a short one

Warning- just fluff, bit of sad and insecure Y/N, I feel like I have written many sad shit lmao

*****

You were lying beside Harry on the studio floor. The carpet gave you a rug burn, but you could make sacrifice for your boy.

You were listening to his album with him. Both of you had one of the earphones connected to the phone playing songs, which would be out in 2 weeks. Lights up had just ended, and you were convinced it would be up in your top 3 with golden when soft guitar started playing.

Don't you call him baby...

You knew none of the songs were about you, but somehow, you knew this one might hurt you. Songs were a view inside Harry, how he feels, who he is, those lyrics are him being vulnerable and just like his songs, he's wonderful, a dreamy, a playful melody.

I just miss your accent and your friends...

It was very early in your relationship, and although you were convinced you were about to fall in love with him, you still had your insecurities. All of your friends warned you about him, and sometimes you would get inside your head and overthink his every action.

He never met your friends but he missed hers. She had beautiful french accent you don't, she's a model, beautiful, tall and has a amazing dressing sense which you call see Harry took inspiration from meanwhile you go out anywhere in joggers, most you do it wear jeans.

You were so different than her and you couldn't help but compare. Why would he date someone so...less than her unless you were just a moving part. A rebound from his last relationship, which was very much serious, what if your friends were right and he's still in love with her?

You didn't even realize the song had ended when you heard a woman's laugh, laugh, and then her beautiful accent. You were starting to get irritated cause why does she have to be so perfect?

It was a voicemail obviously left by her for him. The ceiling turned blurry as your eyes watered, you were feeling insecure, and didn't know if you should tell Harry or not. What if he thinks you're a whiny or a cry baby?

"Baby?" Suddenly, the ceiling was replaced by your boyfriend's beautiful face and his mop of curly hair.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned, his eyes searching all over your face for any hint.

"Nothing it's just sad song" you fake laughed and whiped off your tears but Harry didn't buy it. He gave you a bored look and raised his eyebrows wanting the truth in answer.

You sighed and looked away from him to the space between you and him, "It's stupid" You mumbled.

He lifted your chin with his index finger and gave you a stern look, "Nothing is stupid when it comes to you and you wouldn't be crying if it was. Now chop chop tell me" He asked rolling over with you so now you very laying on his chest.

"Do-" You bit down on your lips and looked away again and started to pick on your cuticle, "Do you still have feelings for her?" You asked and then panicked, "Just- I mean, you started dating me so soon, and your relationship seemed so serious with her-"

"Oh sweetheart," Harry cooed and chuckled. He pulled you into him more, and you digged your nose into the crook of his neck, inhaling his smell and feeling comforted by it.

"Yes, my relationship with her was serious, but that doesn't mean you're anything less or just a rebound." He assured you, removing the hair that was fanned against the side of your face.

"I know it's too early to say this, but I knew the moment I saw you in that park sitting alone reading your book that you were the one." He kissed your head and snuggled more. You smiled against his neck and gave him a kiss, the mark from your lip gloss sitting there.

You had your doubts and thoughts, your anxiety always making worse out of things, but you also had Harry to shoo them away and protect you, give you a good cuddle whenever cold thoughts surrounded you.

*****

Thank you for requesting! you can request more or just talk to me here♡

Please Like, Comment and Reblog! Ily❤️

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfic #fine line harry styles #fine line era #angst harry #harry fluff

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sugarcombsw · 2 years ago

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Nate Hardy - Headcannons

• He's the type of clingy boyfriend, you're brushing your teeth? hes hugging you from behind, you're making coffee early in the morning? even if you guys were just cuddling 5 minutes ago, he's right behind you again with his hands on your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

• I'm pretty sure that when you guys cuddle, you'd be on top of him while he stroke your hair with his right hand, while the left one is drawing patterns on your back, while he's humming some random song.

• Speaking of humming songs, when you can't fall asleep you don't even have to ask him twice, that man will for sure sing for you, cuz he knows you always fall asleep while listening to his soothing voice.

• Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles, infinite cuddles, I can really see him slightly laying down on the couch with his guitar and you in the middle you know?? like you're in between his legs and his guitar is on top of you while he's playing random songs.

• He has a book of poetry he wrote for you only, but he never let you see it.

• Definitely will invite you and take you to go ghost haunting with him, Sam and Colby (good thing is, you guys get to make out sometimes during those investigations whenever Sam and Colby decides all of you should get separated, but you're too scared to go alone, so you stick together with Nate).

• He definitely have some song written for you, but again won't show you.

• Take lots and lost of polaroids pictures of you, or the two of you together since you guys have a whole album for those photos.

• If you guys are in a serious relationship, for a long time and plan on getting married one day, I can see him getting a tattoo of either the first letter of your name or something that might be special for you or remind him of you.

• Would be the last person in the whole world to judge you.

• If you have any sort of insecurities, I'm pretty sure he would absolutely adore it and reassure you about it, tell how absolutely beautiful you are.

• Loyal pretty boy.

• Would say I love you all the time, woke up? "I love you", you're literally just l getting up from the bed to go to the bathroom? "you know I love you, right?", going to bed? "I love you so much baby". And just love being thrown at you throughout the day.

• Nicknames I feel he would call you: Baby for sure, sweetheart, doll and would call his little munchkin just because you don't like and to tease you in front of the boys. (Colby would probably bully you by calling you that btw).

• Would cook for you, sometimes he's not really good at it but hey, he tried at least.

• Would absolutely love to watch either the sunrise or sunset with you.

• Late night car drive to get McDonald's cuz you're craving they ice cream.

• Would help you shave you body, not matter if you were dying of embarrassment for some reason since according to him "there's nothing there I haven't seen before", and would probably be making jokes while doing it, and if you are waxing down there he would probably tell stuff to get you distracted cuz he hate seeing his baby in pain "Hey baby, look there's a butterfly over there."

That's it for now, I might do another one or even a NSFW one if anyone would be interested.

if you can't tell, I'm in my Nate obsessed era

#nate hardy imagines #nate hardy #nate hardy x yn #nate hardy x reader #nate hardy headcannons

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littlemisslipbalm · 5 years ago

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“it’s not that important”

Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important

AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there

This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much

oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy

Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.

“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.

Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”

Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?”

You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.

He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.

“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.

Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.

“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.

The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.

His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.

“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.

Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.

“No, most people find me hilarious...”

You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.

“‘M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.

“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.

You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.

He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”

“What?”

“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”

“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.

“Mostly?”

“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”

He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.

You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.

When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.

Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.

Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.

“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”

Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”

“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.

“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.

The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.

After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.

“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”

You can only hum in response.

Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.

“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.

“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”

“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”

He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”

“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”

He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”

“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”

“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”

“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”

Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.

“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.

Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”

You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.

“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”

“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”

“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.

Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.

Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.

He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”

“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”

He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.

Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.

“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.

Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.

“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.

He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.

“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.

Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.

“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.

“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.

He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.

Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.

“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.

Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.

Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”

You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.

“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.

Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.

A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.

A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.

The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.

“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?” Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.

“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.

“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”

You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.

“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.

“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.

Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.

The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.

One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.

No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.

Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.

“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.

“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.

You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.

After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.

You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.

“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.

The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.

Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”

“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.

“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.

“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.

“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.

There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.

“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.

“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”

“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.

After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.

“Why are you here?”

“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.

“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”

“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.

The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.

When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.

“Hey.”

You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”

“Okay.”

Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.

It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.

Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.

When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.

Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.

You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.

After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.

“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.

Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”

Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.

Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.

“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.

“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”

“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.

“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.

“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.

Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.

You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.

Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.

But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.

You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.

It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”

“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.

He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.

“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”

He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.

When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.

You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”

“Alright.”

“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.

“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”

He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”

“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”

Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.

“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.

He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”

“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”

He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”

“I would have told you.”

“Sure.”

“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”

“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.

“I thought you said this was just sex?”

You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.

He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.

“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”

The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.

It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.

He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.

Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”

The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.

You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.

For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.

It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.

Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.

“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.

“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.

“I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”

“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.

“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.

“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.

Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”

“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.

When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.

“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.

The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.

“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.

“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.

A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:

“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”

Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.

“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”

His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.

After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.

“Mitch.”

“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.

“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.

“What is going on with you and Harry?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”

You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.

“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.

“I wouldn’t put it like that…”

He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.

“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”

“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.

You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”

Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”

“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.

“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”

“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.

“What?”

“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.

You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,” you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.

“He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”

“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.

“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”

Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he

showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.

Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”

Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.

“Mitch...I have to go.”

He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.

You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.

“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.

“Pardon?”

“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”

Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.

“It’s not that simple…”

“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”

“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Plans can change, Harry.”

You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.

His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.

“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.

You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.

“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.

He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”

He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.

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