#sometimes I wish I had a passenger princess but I think it would require a special someone who is okay sitting for 6 hours at a time.

[icterid-rubus]

Left my sibling at 5 and drove for 11.5 hours home. Which is an odd experience because. I’m exhausted. My head hurts and my eyes are tired. But I like it so much. I wish I didn’t come home. I wish I’d detoured and seen the coast. Or crater lake. Three 11.6 hour days in a row. With greasy diner meals. Listening to my shows and music. Thinking my thoughts. Telling myself stories.

[barcaatthemoon]

passenger princess || mackenzie arnold x reader ||

sometimes, you wish that mackenzie would let you drive.

"come on, we're gonna be late!" you shouted at mackenzie. the two of you both had media to do, and mackenzie had taken all morning getting ready. you thought that she looked absolutely stunning, but you didn't want to get yelled at for missing your required media.

"your chariot awaits," mackenzie said as she opened the passenger's side door for you.

"mac, babe, i love you, but i think that i should drive today," you tried to tell her. it was really no use because mackenzie obviously didn't want to listen. she always got like this whenever you suggested driving the two of you somewhere.

you had grown up in the city, and while mackenzie had been there for a good amount of time, she wasn't a local. mackenzie didn't know all of the shortcuts and side roads that would cut your travel time down by a third. and so, the two of you truged into the training facilities about 10 minutes late.

"sorry boss, traffic was horrible." mackenzie was quick to diffuse your coach and the media team's ire towards the two of you. they didn't seem too annoyed with mackenzie, but that same courtesy wasn't extended towards you. mac was their world class goalkeeper, and you were just another midfielder that they had gotten cheap. you had come up with a team that had come up during a relegation swap. whenever they went right back down the next season, you had joined west ham instead.

"we could have gotten here sooner if someone would have let me drive," you said. a few of your teammates started snickering behind you, as did mackenzie. you turned to glare at all of them, but the look that you sent your girlfriend was a bit more hurt.

"don't take it personally babe, but you're just not the driving type. you look too pretty in my passenger's seat." mackenzie was trying to be sweet, but it didn't work. she placed her fingers underneath your chin to tilt it up and kiss you, but you turned your face at the last second. a chorus of 'ooo's rang out from your teammates as you stormed out of the locker room.

the media bit was a little intense after that. mackenzie had only been joking, and her attempt at an apology had been brushed off. she didn't mean to upset you. driving wasn't something that she thought would be such a big deal for the two of you. she just liked doing things for you, and since you were normally very independent, this was one of the few things she had the opportunity to even attempt.

"are you ready to go back home?" mackenzie asked as the two of you made your way towards the parking lot.

"i'm not going home with you tonight," you told her. mackenzie's face fell immediately at the news. you hadn't been back to your apartment in two months, having stayed at mackenzie's. your lease was going to be up soon, and your roommate was in talks with a new transfer about moving in. however, you still had a couple of weeks before that happened.

"no!" mackenzie shouted. you winced at the loudness in such a close proximity. mackenzie's face softened a bit as she grabbed you by the arm and tugged you towards the car. "you don't live there, you live with me. we always go home together, you know this. did what i say really upset you this much?"

"it's not just the passenger princess jokes, mac. it's also not just you. i don't want all the girls and the staff to think that i can't do anything for myself. you don't hear all the jokes and comments. i swear that some of them think i can't do anything for myself." mackenzie's face fell as she saw how genuinely worked up you were getting over this. it went a lot further than she had known, and suddenly, mackenzie felt absolutely terrible that you'd been holding in these feelings for so long by yourself.

"hey, (y/n), look at me." mackenzie grabbed your face and leaned in close enough for you to feel her breath against your cheek. "i am sorry for making you feel bad. i am sorry for letting things get so out of hand. i know that you're independent. hell, you do practically everything for me, and driving you around, it feels like the only thing i can offer to help you out. if you want to drive us back, you can, just please come home with me. i don't want to spend a single night without you if i don't have to."

"mac, baby?"

"yeah?" mackenzie seemed scared, as if you were going to tell her that you still wanted to go back to your own apartment. a night in with mackenzie, even whenever you were mad at her, was better than a night in with your roommate any day.

"take me home," you told her. mackenzie's shoulders sagged down a little with relief. you pressed a quick kiss to her lips and threaded your fingers with hers. the two of you walked through the parking lot together towards mackenzie's car. she got the door for you, absolutely beaming when you kissed her cheek in thanks. "can we stop by tesco's on the way home?"

"of course. i'll take you anywhere you want to go." mackenzie grabbed onto your hand and kissed the back of it. you let out a little giggle and settled back into your seat. there wasn't any tension in the car, which you were beyond grateful for.

mackenzie pushed the cart for you in the store, following as you walked around picking out seemingly random things. some of it was groceries that you had noticed earlier needed to be replenished, but quite a bit of the things you were buying weren't things that you normally bought at all. mackenzie didn't bring it up, assuming that it was for some sort of surprise at home.

"can i get some assistance from my favorite sous chef?" you asked mackenzie. she looked up from the couch to see you standing in the entryway of the kitchen holding an apron that you had bought her as a joke. mackenzie could cook, but she rarely did outside of using the grill every other weekend during the summer months.

"i don't know what you're making," mackenzie told you. you brushed it off and helped her into the apron. you gave very clear directions and within the hour, you had a homemade sauce simmering for a spaghetti night.

"how does it taste?" you watched nervously as mackenzie tasted a bit of the sauce.

"if football doesn't work out, you should open a restaurant," mackenzie told you. you moved to press a kiss to her cheek as thanks, unsurprised when mackenzie turned so your lips landed on hers. her hands grabbed at your waist, squeezing gently as she deepened the kiss. "better yet, i'll keep you on as my personal chef. and i can be your chauffeur if you'd like."

"sounds good to me. now, go set the table, the food is almost ready." you gave mackenzie a gentle shove away from you. mackenzie blew you a kiss as she carried the plates and silverware out to the dining room table. mackenzie sat excitedly at the table when you got out there, right next to the place that she set for you. she spent the whole meal practically just staring at you, often to the point of spilling a bit of her sauce on herself every other bite. it was ridiculous, but another reminder of why it was so easy to love mackenzie sometimes.

[oikirstein]

𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬 | 𝐫.𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐚

PAIRING: suna x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: It was a quiet night you were to have—until Suna came knocking on your door at 11 PM. 

CONTAINS: angst, drugs (weed), suggestive content, tw: kissing, shotgunning, suna’s mom’s honda odyssey 

WORD COUNT: 3,097

A/N: this bad boy is dedicated to my sussy little baka @hikariakaashi​ giggles (derogatory). you’ve been going through a suna brain rot recently and when i told you my fantasy about shotgunning with suna, you encouraged me to write it, so here it is chuckles immensely. i hope u like it ily :biteslip: 

big thank you to @kyotarou​ for beta reading and giving me mini heart attacks & to @hajigumi​ for making my header after saying it was ugly (/j) <3 

The silence of your room was peaceful. The stars shone brightly outside your balcony window, moonlight glistening through the translucent curtains. It wasn’t absurd for you to be all by lonesome, it was only natural for the daughter of a CEO to find herself busy with things that didn’t concern the family. They were raising you to be an heir after all, a feat that required independence to be a shining skill. Still, standing in an empty room, it was a lonely situation to be living in. You were grateful to have such a future practically placed in the palms of your hands, but you wished there was something more. You wanted to experience what it was like to break free from the shackles of responsibility and keeping up appearances. A lot of your time was spent wondering if things would’ve been different had you been given a choice, but unfortunately, life did not give you the option to change the past.

That’s why you were so thankful to have heard the light knock that originated from the wood of your balcony door. A light flinch overtook your body at the sound, like you were anticipating his presence. You tiptoed your way over to the door, your warm hand radiating heat onto cool metal of the doorknob. With your ear pressed to the wood, a soft giggle fell from your lips.

“Who is it?” you teased, knowing full well who was on your terrace at this late hour.

“Why don’t you open up the door and see for yourself?” You could practically see the smirk that played on his face.

Without hesitation, you swung the door open so fast the hinges didn’t have the chance to creak. You jumped into his arms at first glance, him carrying you with ease. “Rintaro! What are you doing here?”

He placed you back down on your feet before taking your hand in his and bringing it up to his lips, “It’s a beautiful night, is it not?”

You blushed at the contact of his soft lips on your skin, anxiety washing over you as you scanned the perimeter.

“What if someone sees us?”

“Well, no one’s gonna catch us if we aren’t here for them to catch,” he whispered, jerking his head to the side as if to insinuate they were going to leave the property.

If someone had caught you with a boy—the boy being Suna, no less—you surely would’ve been reprimanded by your father. On the other hand, the past couldn’t be changed, and the consequences of the future were for a different you to worry about. What was life without a little risk anyway?

“You mean like...sneaking out?” You warily looked around as you shut the door, the click of the knob sealing your fate.

He lightly grabbed hold of your hand and started his way down the stairs of your parapet. “Well how else would we spend today?”

You followed him, hand in hand, through all the twists and turns that presented themselves in your garden, until you reached the outermost edge of the estate.

Suna promptly released your grip, intertwining his own fingers to hoist you over the wall, “After you.”

You held onto his shoulder as you stepped onto him, “Such a gentleman,” and climbed over the wall with ease.

Rintaro swiftly followed you, using his upper body to lift himself above the marble. After dusting his hands off on his jeans, he led you to the street just beyond the backyard.

As you approached the vehicle, he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry it’s nothing fancy. All I had was my mom’s old Honda,” you gave him an apologetic smile to reassure him that trivial things such as car brands didn’t matter. He stepped in front you to open the passenger door, waiting for you to be all settled in before winking. “But don’t worry, she won’t be back home until next month,” then he shut the door.

Your eyes followed him as he walked around the front of the minivan to get to the driver’s side, “What? What do you mean? Sunarin! Why does it matter if she’s not home!”

All he could do was laugh as he opened his own door. Hopping into the car and resting his wrist on the steering wheel, his eyes made a quick glance at the center console before putting his seatbelt on and starting the ignition. “Like I said, princess, it’s a beautiful night.”

The silence of the drive was peaceful. It was a comforting kind of silence, the kind that enveloped you in warmth. Everything felt okay in this abyss of quiet because you were in this abyss together.

You leaned your head against the window, feeling the cold air of night permeating through the glass before you sighed. “Say, how long until we reach our destination?”

Rintaro shifted in his seat, placing his right elbow on the armrest of the door and placing his head in his palm. He darted his eyes to you and back to the road with a smile, “Be patient. Good things come to those who wait.”

Sitting up straight, you crossed your arms over your chest and imitated a child’s pout. “Well can you at least tell me what we’re gonna do?”

He looked at you, then to the center console, then back at you before shrugging his shoulders. It was like giving a dog a bone. You squinted your eyes at him before untangling your arms and snaking your finger over to the medium and clicking it open. In the corner of your vision, you could see Suna trying to stifle a laugh. Curiosity getting the best of you, you leaned over to look into it, and your eyes widened at the sight.

“Seriously?” you rolled your eyes at him.

As you pulled into what seemed like a forest, he threw his head back in a guffaw.

“What? There’s no better way to celebrate, baby.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and gave you a kiss on your temple before pulling the keys out of the ignition. “Are you ready?”

“Ready for what?” You mimicked his actions and took your seatbelt off.

“Look up.”

You questioned his statement for a second before looking up through the panoramic sunroof of his mom’s Honda Odyssey.

“Oh my god. It’s beautiful.” Your eyes were full of wonder, much like a child, as you stared at the dazzling pink moon above you. “How did you find this place?”

He looked up for a moment, pretending to be lost in thought. “I dunno. Just came across it I guess.”

“Who would’ve thought I’d be alive to witness such a phenomenon!” You giggled, gazing at the sky once more. Turning to Suna, who was staring at you, you commented, “For real, it’s so pretty.”

“Not as pretty as you though.”

He was so suave sometimes it made you itch. Scoffing at him, you chose to ignore what he said, instead holding your hand out and saying, “Oh shut up and pass me a lighter.”

Suna dug his hands into the console and once he had everything in his hands, he motioned for you to shut the top. You watched him diligently as he twisted the grinder, once, twice, three times before taking a wrapper out of the packaging and running his tongue on it. He has such nice hands, you thought as the veins flexed against his bones. He laid the paper flat onto the leather and snapped his gaze back at you.

“Hey, pay attention. How’re you gonna do this by yourself if you’re too busy looking at me, hm?” He loved to tease you, loved to see the heat rise to your cheeks when he took advantage of a perfect moment—loved to fluster you speechless. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He took your silence as you admitting defeat, no retort coming to mind. Chuckling at your scrunched eyebrows and focused eyes, he took the wrapper back into his palm and unscrewed the grinder to sprinkle the weed onto the paper. With a steady hand, he placed the container down and rolled up the blunt. Suna tucked the edges of the paper into itself, and taking the lavender lighter that sat on the dashboard, he ran his thumb across the sparkwheel, running the flame across the wrapper.

Once he was done, he held the blunt between his thumb and index finger, taking a look at his proud work. Placing his elbow on the console, he slowly flicked his wrist to your side, ushering you to take the blunt from his fingers. Holding it with your left hand, he placed the lighter in your right. You paused before placing the blunt in between your lips, “I don’t know Rin, I just can’t imagine a world where you don’t roll for me,” you shrugged your shoulders, finally making contact with the paper. As you lit the end of the blunt in the darkness of the car, you couldn’t help but wither at the flame. You never really noticed in the daylight, how fast the light goes out. It was strikingly more apparent in the dark. Before you knew it, your eyes had shut and the flame was out. Perhaps at this moment you could’ve made some cliche anecdote about how life was like a flame, and it would be out before you knew it, so it was best to make the warmth last, but you were just so entirely encapsulated by it’s light that it was gone before you even had time to think about it.

You took a deep inhale, closing your eyes and clearing your thoughts as you let the smoke simmer in your throat, only exhaling when you felt as though you couldn’t breathe anymore.

“That’s my good girl. Seems like you did learn a thing or two from hanging out with a rascal like me.”

You rolled your eyes at him, increasingly getting closer to his body. “As if I had baby lungs before we met.”

A low chuckle erupted from his chest. Watching you take another hit, eyes drunk on the sight of you, he patted lightly on his thighs. You smiled at him, vapor spilling from your teeth, and lifted your body over the middle separation of the car. With you now straddling his legs, he placed his rough palms on your waist, holding onto your skin as if he was afraid to let go. You wrapped your arms loosely around his shoulders and he brought his hand up to brush his thumb against your lip. Gently pulling you in, he settled your soft lips on his, feeling his lungs fill with the smoke from yours. It was slow, the moment feeling everlasting as your bodies moved in sync and your tongues brushed against each other. You pulled apart for a moment, the taste still lingering while Suna turned his head to the side and exhaled.

He looked back up at you with stinging eyes, words could not possibly describe how beautiful you looked under the glowing pink moon. He pulled you in once more, this time more forceful. Teeth clashing and saliva spilling—he couldn’t get enough of you. You held the sides of his face with the heels of your palms, kneeling on the seat below you, desperately wanting to get closer. Suna drew back from your lips with a pop, only to come back and run his tongue all the way down your jawline and neck. Quiet moans ruptured from your throat as he sucked and nipped at the skin. You brought the joint to your lips and sucked on the end until the tip was bright red, only exhaling when Rintaro bit your shoulder.

Playfully smacking his arm, you winced, “Ow!”

He kissed the area as if to soothe the pain, “Sorry, princess, you just taste so good.”

“Yeah right, you smooth piece of shit,” you said, taking the joint in your lips again.

Suna removed himself from you, taking the blunt from your fingers and taking a hit himself. “C’mon, babe, save some for me.”

You cupped his cheek with one hand, the other exploring his chest, while you smooched his cheek and nuzzled your face into his neck, “As if you can’t roll one for yourself,” you purred.

Taking the last few inhales, he placed the remainder of the joint in the ashtray that sat in the cupholder. Rin hooked his index finger under your chin and pressed a quick kiss to your nose, “Where’s the fun in that?” He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, your arms snaking around his waist, and rested his chin on your head. “Y’know, I’m really gonna miss moments like these.”

You sighed against his chest, “You’re talking like we’re splitting up.”

“Well we don’t really have a choice, do we? You’re gonna go study at some prestigious school in France, and I’m…” the strands of your hair flew askew as he exhaled above your head, “...staying here.”

You sat up, straddling his lap once again, bringing yourself eye level to Suna. “I’m coming back, you know that.” You caressed your thumb on his cheek and felt your chest ache when he leaned into your touch, like he was desperate for you to stay. “So don’t talk like we’re never going to see each other again.”

He raised his hand to hold yours and kissed the inside of your wrist tenderly. “Yeah, we’re going to see each other again, but we’re not going to be the same again.”

You didn’t know how to respond. You racked your brain for rebuttals, yet nothing came to mind. All you knew was that you couldn’t lie to him—you didn’t have the heart to. What good would come of lying to the person you loved?

“C’mon, princess, say something. Don’t...don’t let me overthink like this. My head,” you heard him sniffle against your ear. “I keep thinking about all these things—about the future, and, baby, I just can’t see one without you.”

He trembled beneath you, hoping that you didn’t have to see him cry. You didn’t want to look up at him either, afraid that if you let go, you’d never feel his warmth again.

“Rin, please...please don’t say that.” You clutched onto the fabric of his shirt tighter, indulging in the scent of his fabric softener. “You’re making it hard for me to say goodbye,” you pleaded.

He was no better, begging with every word that fell from his lips. “Would it be so selfish of me to want you to stay?”

You lifted your head from his shoulder, wiping your cheeks with your sleeves before taking on the courage to look at his face. His eyes were stained red, bloodshot from the tears that poured. He bit his lip as a last ditch attempt to stop it from quivering—he didn’t want you to see him so...weak.

“Baby…” you whispered, hands finding their way to his face, rubbing away the wetness on his skin. You lowered your head and pressed your foreheads together. Letting out a dry laugh, your breath brushed against the tip of his nose. “Why are you making this so hard for me?”

The rest of the night was a blur of grasps and heartbroken refusals to say farewell.

The silence of the drive was anything but peaceful. Both of you dreaded the moment the rumble of the engine would cease—both of you dreaded the moment you’d have to say your final goodbye. The air was dense, with a sort of sadness that was too heavy to feel all at once. Almost like if one of you had spoken, you’d break down all together. It seemed as if the evening was all jumbled together—the car ride was reminiscent of a limbo you were both stuck in, like the minutes were slowed and rushed at the same time.

Like everything in life, all good things must come to an end. As you watched the image of your home enlarge from the distance, your heart sank to your feet. The moment was inevitable, and yet you hoped it would never come.

The minivan came to a stop in the exact same place it was when he had picked you up. Suna remained unmoving in his seat, hesitant to turn the keys in the ignition to the off position. Once the car stilled, your eyes glanced at the man to your right, tears threatening to spill from your waterline. Your hand wandered down to the lock of your seatbelt, wincing with your eyelids shut at the sound of the click—an action that forced streams to fall down your cheeks. The thick fabric whipped to your side, freeing you from the atmosphere that suffocated you, but you lingered in your spot. There was a ringing in your ears, and you were sure that Rintaro could hear it too. The smooth plastic of the door handle which you reluctantly hooked your fingers around burned against your skin. Everything felt sedated. Reality felt altered. Nothing felt real. The second you tore your eyes away from in front of you, Suna unbuckled his seatbelt and threw it to the side. He grabbed a hold on your wrist, using his other hand to bring your face to his.

Your bodies pressed together, fingers tangling in each other’s hair, clothes, and anything you could grab onto to bring the other closer. Your hearts raced, lips embracing in a delicate hold, breaths leaving your mouths in sync. It was no longer static. Everything felt warm. Everything felt happy. For the first time in what felt like forever, everything felt okay.

One last time, you broke free, instantly feeling colder. Your foreheads rested against each other, unwilling to leave the car and unwilling to let the other go.

You kissed his nose, feeling him smile under your touch. “Whatever happens during these next few years, promise me we’ll find each other again,” you whispered in the dark.

He kissed your cheek, releasing you from his grip and rubbing your shoulder, a gesture that let you know he was ready to say goodbye. “I’ll find you in every lifetime, this one is no different.”

You slowly pulled the door handle and hopped out, leaning over your seat to give him one last kiss. “Don’t forget about me,” you giggled as you shut the car behind you and rushed to make it back to your room before sunrise.

“I love you,” Suna whispered as he watched you fade from view.

© all content [unless stated otherwise] belongs to oikirstein 2021. do not modify or repost.

reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

[twdbegins]

Stargazing

__

Simon x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 1,462

“The hell is a dipper anyway?”

__

There wasn’t much to see other than the seemingly endless stretch of woods as they flew past your view out the passenger window. Still, you were absolutely giddy with excitement as you bounced your leg with anticipation. Simon’s dark eyes glanced over to look at you, a smile appearing on his face upon seeing your thrill. You had been really looking forward to this. Both of you had. A conventional run was usually dreaded and required lots of beforehand prep. You had to gather supplies, organize groups, things like that. 

However, this time was different. It was you and Simon with whatever you both had in your backpacks. It wasn’t often the two of you got consecutive alone time together, so this was truly going to be a cherished next couple of days. His hand rested steady on your leg (the one that wasn’t jittery all over the place) as he kept his eyes on the desolate, two lane roads in front of him. To your knowledge, this was a textbook run that Negan had requested. While that part was still true, Simon had a couple tricks up his sleeve along the way.

Things had been going really well between the both of you. So much so that Negan really had no issue with sending the two of you off alone like he would have if you weren’t an item. It was rare for Negan to be so understanding, so Simon took his opportunity before he changed his mind. You were like a puppy in Simon’s eyes; smart, cute, maybe sometimes a teeny bit aggressive when provoked. He was very drawn to you for different reasons. Some he didn’t really understand yet. It didn’t really matter to him. There was an obvious connection that he would be an absolute idiot to ignore. 

You had been driving for what felt like forever, you sighed heavily;

“Simon,” You said looking over at him; “Are we close to being there yet?”

He laughed at your impatience, keeping his one-handed grip on the steering wheel at 12:00 o’clock;

“Not yet, princess. What makes you so bubbly today?” He asked with a certain glow in his eyes.

You slightly slouched in your seat, stretching your legs out as far as they could go into the floorboard. You shrugged;

“I don’t know. I’ve just been dying to get away from The Sanctuary. Even for just a few days.” You explained.

He nodded, continuing to change his gaze from you to the road;

“I can’t argue with you there. I was beginning to feel like I was going crazy.” He agreed.

The conversation dwindled into casual small talk, before Simon finally turned onto a different road. You sat up straight, looking for any signs of a new area. Sure enough, you spotted what looked like an abandoned department store ahead of you. It looked rough on the outside, but you knew from previous experience that didn’t say anything for the inside. It wasn’t a huge place, so you probably could afford to spread out your work to make it last longer. Simon stopped the truck in front of the building, smiling proudly as he turned off the vehicle. You hopped out of the truck eagerly, slinging your backpack over your shoulders. This was going to be fun. 

“Well,” His deep voice called out as he walked around the front to meet you; “What do you think? You reckon we can get some stuff outta here?” He asked letting his own eyes graze over the structure.

“Sure, we can. Are you doubting our scavenging abilities?” You asked pretending to be offended.

He laughed;

“No, but I get the notion that this place won’t have much to offer. Looks pretty empty to me.” 

“Only one way to find out!” You exclaimed, grabbing his hand and leading him into the building.

His boots shuffled heavily against the uneven and battered pavement underneath you as he continued to beam at your jittery behavior. He realized just how long it had been since the two of you have had any real alone time together. It honestly made him feel a little bad that you were acting so needy. He felt like he had been unintentionally neglecting you in a way. Once you were inside the department store, your excitement dwindled just a little. Turns out Simon’s prediction was right. This place had a whole lot of nothing to scavenge through. Simon whistled lowly;

“Looks like this won’t take very long.” He remarked as he swung his bag to the front of him to fish through for his flashlight. 

You were a little upset. You had originally planned for be gone for 3 days and 2 nights (assuming this place would have plenty to sort through) so now it just seemed you’d be there for half a day. He caught the disappointed look on your face and seemingly read your mind;

“I know what you’re thinking, baby,” He said pulling you to him with his free hand; “No way in hell I’m ending our vacation early. You’ll get your three days. And thank fuck I’ll get my two nights.” He purred in your ear. 

Chills spread over your body at his words, but you quickly put him back on track; 

“At ease, soldier,” You said jokingly; “We have a job to do. Work now, play later.” 

He pouted as he watched you teeter away from him and begin slicing open dusty boxes and searching through shelves. While his presumption was right, you still managed to scrounge up enough stuff to be able to make Negan happy. After a successful day and evening, you found yourself snuggled up next to him in the bed of the vehicle. He had one arm wrapped around you and his other under his head. You twiddled with one of the buttons on his shirt as he looked to the clear night sky. 

“You ever wonder why they’re called The Big Dipper and Little Dipper?” He asked.

You paused, letting out a snort;

“What?” 

“You know, the star pattern things. The shapes.” He explained bobbing his head to motion upwards.

“Do you mean constellations?” You confirmed.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about,” He retorted; “The hell is a dipper anyway?”

“Honey, I don’t know. Why is a pineapple called a pineapple?” You questioned back.

He laughed;

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you!” 

“Why the hell would I know why it’s called The Big Dipper? I was a doctor before all this. Do I look like an astronomer to you? ” You asked with a giggle.

“No, but you’re a star in my eyes.” He flirted.

You groaned at his cheesy statement. You hated when he said stupid one liners like that...although, they did make you laugh.

“My God...” You mumbled.

“I thought you’d like that one.” He grinned proudly.

The two of you laughed until it dwindled back into silence. The only sounds were the crickets and the warm breeze. You wished for a thousand more nights like this. Just you and him with no real agenda. All that was around was you and him and-

“I love you.” His deep voice suddenly rang out.

Your heart did a leap and you swear your blood stopped circulating for a second. Holy shit. Did he really just say that? Surely, you heard him wrong. But it was so clear! He said he loved you! Neither of you had said it yet. Honestly, you were expecting yourself to say it first. Did he really love you? Your brain short circuited as it tried to process what just happened. Your hesitant response caused Simon to speak up again;

“I’m beginning to think I just fucked this up.” He said half joking and half terrified.

You shot up quickly to meet his gaze. He stifled back a laugh at your tussled hair and wide eyes. You laughed nervously;

“No! I mean...not at all! I just wasn’t- I didn’t...” You stuttered.

A flash of disappointment crossed his face, enough to make you a little sad;

“You don’t have to say it back, darlin’. I just-”

“No!” You exclaimed; “I just wasn’t expecting that. I love you too.” You blushed.

Once the color returned to his face, he breathed out a response once you settled back onto him;

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He admitted.

“You didn’t! Just surprised me was all,” You confessed; “But I really do love you.”

He craned his head to look down at you, kissing your forehead. Honestly, there wasn’t much else to be said. You didn’t want to ruin a perfect moment. The rest of your trip had a little bit of a different feel in the air. Things were different now. 

And in the best way possible.

[anotherhargrovebitch]

greaser boy : b.h

all you wanted was for your car to be fixed before you head back to college, but a certain greaser isn’t letting that happen easily (2.4k) thank you to the anon who requested!

s t r a n g e r  t h i n g s  w r i t i n g 

Sighing to yourself, you couldn’t believe you managed to get yourself into this sort of situation, again. 

Your Dad knew your car was a piece of shit, but until you graduate college the car will have to do. He overlooked some issues with it, but when you arrived home from college with the bumper hanging off he decided it would be best to get it booked in. 

Leading to you sitting in the garage that stank of smoke with the radio faintly playing, barely audible over the work being done on the various cars laid out. 

Tapping your foot on the floor, you pick at your nails. Your Dad instructed you to go in with the cash to collect the car, it was obvious he was tired of being your chauffeur.  

“Erm, Y/l/n?” A guy called out as the sound of heavy boots echoed in the office nearing you. 

Rising to your feet, you turned to face the figure, partially surprised at who was before you. “No fuckin’ way,” You chuckle as he discards his cigarette, blowing the smoke away from you before he licks his lips. “Billy Hargrove?” 

“Who wants to know?” He questions, pushing his gelled curls away from his face as he looks you up and down. 

A small scoff leaves your lips as you cross your arms. “Like you’d even know who I was, of course.” You mutter to yourself, but his attention remains fixated on you. “Y/n, we went to high school together.” You say, watching as his eyes widen with realisation.

“You were that chick, friends with Harrington, right?” He states, remembering you clearly as you tried to stop various fights taking place between him and Steve. 

“Yeah, Steve’s friend.” You respond and Billy laughs under his breath. “Something funny ‘bout that, Hargrove?” 

Billy shakes his head as he walks past you, reaching for the rest of your paperwork. “You got hot, Princess.” He comments with a smirk before passing you the forms for your car, waiting for your signature. “Cars all ready for you, guess Daddy’s paying?” 

Taking the cash from your pocket, you count out the notes for him, his eyes still struggling to leave you. “That cover it?” You question bluntly, passing him the cash as he places it into the pocket of his leather jacket.

“Cover the car and maybe dinner sometime?” He asks, eyes wandering over you as you roll your eyes. 

“As if Billy.” You say as he gives you your keys. “Thanks for fixin’ my car, boys.” You call out to the rest of the mechanics, ignoring the whistles as you leave. 

As you drive off, Billy remains slightly stunned. His usual charms failed to work and it threw him off. “Don’t sweat it, Hargrove.” One of the guys calls out to Billy as he notices your house number on the paperwork. “She’ll be back before you know it.” 

Billy turns, taking note of your number before facing the other guys. “How’s that?” He questions, noticing one of the guys was holding part of the flywheel. “You son of a bitch,” He laughs, knowing he’s guaranteed to see you real soon. 

*

“Well, well,” Billy slides from underneath a car, recognising your converse and the legs that they’re attached to. “how’s it goin’, Princess?” He smiles brightly, trying to humour your deep frown. 

“I’m just here to get my engine fixed, Billy.” You tell him as he rises to his feet, wiping his hands. 

A smile crosses your lips as you motion to the oil on his cheek, but he remains unaware. “What, you can’t help but stare?” He jokes, and you lean closer, wiping his cheek. 

“Bit of dirt, that’s all.” You say politely, shrugging it off. 

Billy clears his throat, hoping none of the guys noticed the pink tint his cheeks as you laugh under your breath. “Come on through to the office, I’ll get the paperwork sorted.” Billy leads the way as you follow silently behind him, trying your best not to stare at his ass.

Returning to the office you take a seat whilst Billy hovers behind the counter, rummaging for the paperwork. “How’d you end up here then?” You ask, looking around as all the other guys converse, all middle-aged whilst Billy is the youngest by a long shot. 

Lifting his head up, Billy can see genuine curiosity in you. Unlike other girls, you’re not here for a flirt. You knew Billy when he was a total ass who always tried his hand at any girl and beating up your friend. 

“Finished high school, scraped my grades through and knew I needed something besides lifeguarding in the summer.” Billy explains as he focuses on the paperwork, filling in the sections required before passing it to you for your signature. “And I stumbled into this place, they offered me a chance and well, two years down the line still here.” He says with a small laugh, thankful that someone gave him a chance after everything. 

Signing the paperwork, you pass the clipboard back to him. “You seem happier, Hargrove.” You comment, giving him a small smile. “It’s a good thing, don’t worry.” 

“Thanks, Princess.” A small smile cracks across his lips before he clears his throat, tapping his pen on the clipboard. “So erm, we’ll give you a call when it’s ready for you. Should be a few days at most.” 

You nod in response, “Thanks, Billy.” 

*

A few days had passed by, but you hadn’t left Billy’s mind. 

“Hey, Bill?” One of the guys called out and Billy looks over to see your car all ready. “Wanna call the girl, ask her on that date?” A series of laughter fills the garage, and Billy shrugs it off as he lights a cigarette, hiding his nerves about calling you. 

Moving out from the workshop, Billy wanders into the office and closes the door behind him. He releases a shaky breath before picking up the phone and dialling your number. 

As the line rings he finishes his cigarette, hearing the line being picked up. “Hello?” A deep voice answers and Billy’s eyes widen. 

“Hi Sir, this is Billy callin’ from Hawkins Garage.” He speaks clearly, tugging on his jacket as he listens to your Dad let out a deep sigh. 

“Hold on, Billy. Let me get my daughter.” He responds, hearing your Dad shouting your name throughout the house, only for you to respond with the same amount of gruff. 

Taking the phone from your Dad, Billy listens to the faint conversation you have before answering. “Hi Billy,” You sound slightly out of breath, and Billy smiles to himself. “take it my car is either still a piece of shit or it’s a piece of shit that’s been fixed?” You quip, and he nods to himself. 

“It’s a fixed piece of shit alright.” He tells you. 

Leaning against the wall, you play with the phone cord, smiling to yourself. “I’ll see if I can come in later.” You glance up at the clock, checking the time. “Said I’d see Steve whilst I’m in town.”

Billy nods to himself. “If you need it, I can pick you up?” He offers, waiting for a response as silence lingers on your end. “You haven’t died on me, have you, Princess?” He jokes, and you snap out of your shock before answering.

“Did Billy Hargrove just offer a selfless act?” You fake gasp, causing Billy to roll his eyes as he doodles on your paperwork.

“Don’t get used to it, Y/n.” He comments. “But if you need it, the offer’s there.”

“Pick me up in an hour?” You suggest and Billy turns to face the clock, knowing he’ll manage to get away with the time off.

“See you in an hour then, Princess.” He smirks down the phone, wishing you could see how he’s biting his lower lip, but you merely hang up not long after. “Hey, Jerry?” He calls out, grabbing his keys. “I’ll be back in an hour, that alright?” 

“Yeah, whatever kid.” Jerry waves him off, leaving Billy to wander out from the garage to go grab some food. 

*

As Billy pulls up outside of your house, he’s barely waiting two seconds before he hears the front door slam. You jog toward his car, taking the passenger seat with a heavy exhale.

“And good afternoon to you too, Y/n.” Billy jokes and looks over as you focus on the floor. “Is everything alright?” His voice softens as he turns to face you, watching as you wipe your face. 

Nodding in response, you pull your seatbelt on. “I’m fine.” You comment too quickly. “Just arguing with my Dad over money, nothin’ unusual.” You say, glancing over to see concern lacing his eyes. 

“If you’re strugglin’ to pay for the car,” He starts, but you shake your head. 

“No, no, it’s other things.” You sigh. “But I’m just glad to be going back to college next week.” You run your fingers through your hair, a hint of a smile crossing your face as Billy’s slowly disappears.

“Going back that soon, huh?” He sadly questions, watching as you nod. 

“Can’t keep me here for longer than two weeks, Hargrove.” 

Nodding to himself, Billy pulls away from your house and straight to the garage, but spots you looking into the back seat. “Is that a picnic?” You raise an eyebrow to him in surprise. 

“It might be.” He shrugs it off as he pulls up outside of the garage. 

“Oh I get it, some girl you’re picking up later, huh?” You nod, knowing you’re right already, but to your surprise, Billy shakes his head.

“Well, Princess. I was going to ask if you wanted lunch, but you seemed upset and I didn’t wanna ruin your mood.” He comments thoughtfully, and you lean back in the seat. 

Was this really the same Billy Hargrove you knew from high school? 

“I mean, since you’re going back to college and all.” He adds, hoping it doesn’t come across too desperate. 

“Lunch would be lovely, Billy.” You say with a smile. “Where were you thinkin?” 

“I know just the spot.” He tells you before continuing past the garage, heading down to the river. 

As Billy pulls up to the waterfront, you climb out before he has the chance to turn the engine off. You rest your hand on the hood of the car, staring out as memories flood your mind. 

“I can’t remember the last time I was even here.” You think aloud, glancing over as Billy stands by your side, resting his hands in his pockets. “Maybe when I was thirteen?” You chuckle, thinking it was probably your first kiss that resulted in a nose bleed. 

“I’ve never been here,” Billy speaks up, catching you giving him a look. “I’m serious, I, I heard a lot about this place but never came.” He moves further away, taking the food in a bag and heading down toward a small rock in front of the water as you trail behind. “Never had anyone to bring.” He mutters under his breath, unaware of how close you actually are behind him. 

The two of you quickly settle into a conversation, eating the gas station snacks and surprisingly, you’re enjoying yourself. 

“I never thought I’d see the day where Billy is a nice guy.” You joke as he nudges you before joining you in laughter. “Look you were a real dick, what can I say?” 

Billy nods, sipping at his drink. “Yeah, can’t argue with you there.” 

“But you seem different now.” You say truthfully, focusing on his soft features surrounded by that hard greaser exterior. “I, I don’t know what it is Hargrove,” Your voice softens as he moves closer toward you, the distance between you both becoming almost non-existent. 

“I grew up, learnt there was more than high school.” He explains, turning his eyes away as he focuses on the ripples in the water as the leaves continue to fall. “And some shit with my family changed, I moved out and sort of lost touch with everything.” 

Looking back down at you, Billy is surprised at how quiet you are when listening to him. “You’re a better guy, Billy.” You whisper, looking down at his lips. “I mean, at least I think you are.” 

A small laugh leaves his lips. “That’s all that matters, princess.” He comments before his lips reach yours. 

You never anticipated that you’d kiss Billy. It was something you rolled your eyes at the thought of. But now it was happening, all you could do was melt into his embrace. Your hands find themselves in his curls, pulling on them as his hand's snake around your waist. 

As you pull away, slightly breathless his hands remain on you. “I should,” You swallow. “we should get back.” You comment, moving away as Billy nods. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He agrees as you head back to his car, neither of you sure what to make of the moment you just shared. 

The drive to the garage is fairly quiet as neither of you wishes to speak first. You try to keep your leg still, stop it from bouncing with little luck, only to feel Billy’s hand rest on your thigh causing it to stop immediately. Part of him expected you to push it off, but you welcomed it as you looked out as Hawkins passed you by. 

Pulling up at the garage, the process of retrieving your car is pretty quick. “Anything to sign?” You ask Billy as he hands you your keys, both of you in the small office once more. 

“Just on the dotted line, Y/n.” He tells you and watches as your brows knit together. “Don’t worry about the costs.” He says, seeing you slightly speechless. “Consider it a leavin’ present.” 

“Billy,” You mumble. “I can’t. I can’t let you cover that.” You try to reason, but there’s no shifting. 

“If you want to repay me in some way,” He starts, moving closer toward you as you look up at him with a smile playing on your lips. “how about a real date sometime?” 

Chuckling to yourself, you run your hands across the leather jacket, reaching into his pocket for a pen. “Meet me here, 8pm.” You scribble an address on a cigarette packet. “Tonight, don’t be late.” Leaning up, you kiss him on the cheek, hearing a sound of cheers in the garage as you head toward the door. “Thanks again, boys!” You cheerfully call out before blowing one last kiss to Billy, leaving him utterly speechless. 

[eviesmyspiritanimal]

Cheater, Cheater

Summary: Jay has suddenly began arriving late to his dates with Audrey. This is odd, but even stranger, he has started to dress nicer and actually fix his hair. Audrey begins to come to her own conclusions, and after he shows up with red lipstick on his forehead, her suspicions are practically confirmed. But is it what it seems? Jaudrey or Jay x Audrey, and Core Four family feels. Thank you to @thatblueprincess for the suggestion! 💙💙💙

  Audrey tapped her foot anxiously, looking about somewhat frustratedly as she searched for a particular vehicle coming down the road. She furrowed her brow, checking her phone as she realized that Jay was late. Again.

  It was a beautiful Tuesday afternoon after school at Auradon Prep, and Audrey was awaiting her boyfriend Jay’s arrival so that they could go on their date that was scheduled after her classes. So far, he was running late by a good twenty minutes.

  Audrey sighed deeply, wishing that she was already out of school and that her senior year would hurry up and get over with so that she could have dates with Jay any time that they felt like it without having to bend to the school’s times.

  But, running with that hypothetical line of thinking, what good would dates anytime be if Jay didn’t get there on time?

  She froze as she heard the sound of a large motor approaching. Audrey stepped forward a bit and peered down the street, hoping it was finally him.

  To her immense relief, there was Jay driving up to the front of the school, his large Ford Raptor shining in the sunlight as he revved the motor to show off a bit. She rolled her eyes, feeling simultaneously very relieved about him getting here finally and somewhat irritated with him for taking so long.

  He stopped the truck in front of her, revving it especially loudly now that he was right beside her. Jay then rolled down the passenger seat window with that wide grin that always made Audrey’s stomach flutter against her will.

  “Hey, Foxy. Need a ride?” he flirted with a wink, and Audrey just huffed in response as she opened the truck door and stepped up onto the bar at the bottom of the truck that helped her to get into the lifted-up vehicle. She got in the truck carefully and shut the door behind her.

  He grinned at her winningly, and she knew what he was expecting, but she wasn’t aiming on giving it to him just yet.

  She narrowed her eyes, unimpressed, but then she suddenly noted that his hair was perfectly shiny and manicured into a neat ponytail at the base of his neck. She furrowed her brow, wondering why in the world he had fixed his hair so nicely. He never wore a ponytail unless it was for a formal occasion.

  He had certainly never worn it for her that way. With her, he always let his hair hang loose and free, which she didn’t mind, but she did sometimes wish he would put a little more effort into it.

  Which made her wonder… Why did he put effort into it today?

  “Don’t I get a kiss for swooping in and keeping you from having to spend extra time moisturizing your hair because of the hot sun glaring down on your perfect locks?” he asked mischievously, and Audrey was shaken a bit from her stupor of skepticism. She pursed her lips at him, raising an eyebrow.

  “You’re late,” Audrey pointed out, and Jay simply smirked in response.

  “Better late than never,” he told her, and the princess couldn’t help but smile in response to his ridiculous grin and attempts to cover up the fact that he was obviously in the wrong here.

  He raised both eyebrows, looking at her hopefully, and she sighed before reaching over and tangling her fingers in that disturbingly perfect hair as she pulled him across the armrest between the seats. Once he was close enough, she wasted no time in kissing him firmly.

  She honestly didn’t know what was up with his hair, but she really didn’t think there was any reason to worry. Despite the fact that he never dressed up like that for her.

  It was all just fine.

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

        It was all just fine until he was late once again.

  This time, they were supposed to be meeting up at the park. Audrey had already had her butler Alfred drop her off at the park so that she could save Jay the trouble of having to pick her up. However, it didn’t seem that Jay was moving any faster today than he was the other day.

  She was facing the park as she found herself yet again waiting for him to arrive.

  To her surprise, there were arms wrapped around her waist suddenly. Audrey jerked, shocked at whoever had the audacity to suddenly come and grab her as they had. But when she turned to meet sparkling, warm brown eyes, she knew exactly who it was, and she relaxed a bit in his hold as he pressed his forehead against hers. She looked into his eyes unimpressed.

  “You’re late. Again,” Audrey announced, and he just chuckled.

  “Keep it up, and you’re going to sound like a broken record, babe,” Jay joked.

  “Keep it up, and you’re going to look like a broken record,” she shot back at him, half-serious.

  He grinned before leaning down and capturing her lips in a kiss. Audrey shut her eyes, unable to hold a grudge quite as effectively as she would have liked as his hands grabbed at her waist tightly.

  After a moment, he pulled away with an easygoing smile, and Audrey had a chance to fully look him over. Her eyes widened in surprise as she noticed that not only was he wearing that new hairstyle, but he was now sporting a smart button-down shirt as well as a pair of leather pants.

  This was exceedingly strange. She had never seen him get ready for a date in this manner, much less one that required casual attire.

  He never got dressed for her like that.

  But what if he was getting dressed for someone else like that?

  Audrey immediately despised that idea and turned it down, yet it still stuck with her stubbornly despite her best efforts to the contrary. What if he really was hanging out with some other girl? It would certainly explain his sudden change of dress and his recent lateness.

  “What is it?” he asked, suddenly looking somewhat concerned as he eyed her. She forced away her frown in favor of a large, falsely cheery smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes.

  “Nothing! Just got lost in thought for a minute,” she assured him, pushing away the doubts as well as she could in favor of occupying her mind on the present and on spending time with him. He looked at her somewhat strangely, but let it go before long, presumably choosing to believe her.

  As soon as he had looked away for a moment, her smile fell a bit as the thoughts worked hard to rematerialize at the forefront of her mind.

  Jay would not ever cheat on her. He loved her. He had said so himself.

  But if she knew this, why did she feel so crummy about the entire situation?

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

       Her suspicions were practically confirmed, however, when a certain incident occurred a few days later.

  Audrey was heading up the stairs of Mal’s castle where Jay, Carlos, Mal, and usually Evie lived. Evie didn’t always live there, but she spent most of her time there, so it mostly counted.

  Either way, she was supposed to meet Jay and watch a movie with him at his place. She finally reached the top of the stairs, and she strolled down the hall, knowing that Jay’s door was about halfway down it.

  She passed by several servants, and she made sure to smile and wave to each one. Audrey was in a good mood today despite all of the recent issues she had been having with Jay.

  It had been several days since she had last seen him, and she had used much of that time to reflect and think about things. Logically, Audrey knew that Jay would not cheat on her, and she guessed that it was likely as a result of past failed relationships.

  But she had now officially decided that everything was fine and that she was being a little too dramatic over everything. She just needed to have a little faith in Jay and in their love.

  Audrey finally reached his door and she knocked. There was absolutely no sound, and she immediately assumed that he was likely not there yet. She furrowed her brow, remembering that he had said to simply go in and wait if there was ever a time when he wasn’t inside and they were supposed to be meeting. It was against her upbringing that emphasized privacy and respect for others’ homes, but she guessed that since he had given her permission, it would be alright.

  So Audrey went inside and shut the door behind her, entering the apartment in the castle.

  Sure enough, Jay wasn’t there, and she was fully expecting him to get there late once again. Audrey sighed slightly in resignation before heading into his living room to look for a movie that they might enjoy. Audrey flipped through the titles and finally settled for one with some romance and with some action as well.

  She then turned on the television, aiming to watch something for a moment while she waited on him to arrive.

  Audrey snuggled a bit into her seat, but before she could get too comfortable, someone suddenly barged in the door. Audrey jumped a bit at the sound, and she looked to the person, realizing it was Jay. Once again, he was dressed nicely, and his hair was neat. He looked up and suddenly realized she was on the couch.

  Jay grinned at her somewhat guiltily, and the corners of her lips tugged a bit as he approached.

  “Well, I guess I’m just destined to be late,” he expressed with a slight laugh, and she was just about to return that smile when her gaze suddenly homed in upon a certain sight on Jay’s forehead.

  She felt a blow to her gut as she recognized the distinctive mark of red lipstick. Audrey swallowed hard, standing up quickly as her knees shook a bit.

  She was right. He was just like all the rest of them. He was no different than Chad or Ben. He was cheating on her just like they did.

  Audrey felt her stomach twist uncomfortably as he paused there in front of her, eyeing her with that familiar love and concern in his eyes. Or at least what she had thought was love and concern.

  “Audrey? What is it?” Jay questioned, reaching a hand out to her, and she stepped back quickly, shying away from his touch as she stepped over to the opposite side of the sofa so he couldn’t reach her quite so easily.

  He furrowed his brow, and she just shook her head swiftly, trying to hold back the tears that she felt coming onto her rapidly.

  “I have to go,” Audrey told him, attempting valiantly to keep strength in her voice. She swiftly headed for the door, hearing him calling after her, and she just hurried faster. She wasted no time in opening it and slamming it behind her.

  She then ran as fast as she could for the outside of the castle, hoping that he hadn’t made the decision to follow her. Audrey could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks as her heart ached intensely with the fresh stab of betrayal.

  Before long, she found herself in the courtyard, and she hurried out toward the gates of the castle, her pure desire to get away keeping her feet moving.

  She just reached the other side of them when she found she couldn’t hardly make herself run any longer. Audrey stepped backward until her back hit the stone of the wall. Audrey closed her eyes as she slid down it, her eyes shut tightly as she tried to keep away the impending sobs.

  Audrey wiped at her cheeks as the tears fell in a constant stream, dripping down her face uncontrollably. She tried desperately to think of some way that she could have misinterpreted, but her mind kept coming up blank in the way of answers.

  She heard him calling from the courtyard. He had actually followed her out, but he no doubt had no idea where to begin looking for her. She didn’t bother returning his yells, instead feeling her heart ache even more with the sound of his voice.

  Audrey sniffled hard, closing her eyes as she tried to figure out why in the world that he would ever do this to her. She loved him dearly, dare she say with almost everything that she had, but he obviously didn’t care enough about her to even be honest with her.

  Her body shook as she tried to contain yet another snivel. He was still calling, and she just shook her head, hoping he wouldn’t find her there.

  After a long time, his voice drowned out into nothing as he grew farther away from her. She breathed heavily, trying to get ahold of herself.

  And as she had time to think, she realized that there was no way that she would know the answer to this problem.

  But there were three people who would.

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………

       “He did what?!” Evie demanded as she gaped at Audrey from the girl’s place on Evie’s sofa. Mal was sitting on the other side of the pink princess, looking something between horrified and disbelieving. Carlos was on the opposite couch to theirs with Dude in his lap, and he appeared completely bumfuzzled at Audrey’s most recent admission.

  Audrey had just come over to Evie’s house where she was practically certain Mal would be and where she was mostly sure that Carlos would be hanging out as well. She knew that the other VKs would know about Jay and his whereabouts much better than she. They always were a tight knit together family and were completely inseparable.

  Audrey attempted valiantly to keep herself together, but it was very hard with Evie’s hand rubbing comforting, slow circles on her back with that motherly manner that she had about her. Even Mal with her hand gently on Audrey’s knee was enough to nearly bring the princess to tears.

  “He came into the apartment, and he had red lipstick on his forehead,” Audrey told her, her lip trembling a bit as she tried her best to avoid crying on them. Mal shook her head carefully, locking her gaze with Evie as she tried to think of anyone that he could be going out with. Evie gazed at Mal in return, wrapping a comforting arm around Audrey.

  “Wow. I just… Wow. I never thought Jay would ever do anything like that to you,” Carlos pointed out, and Audrey bit at her bottom lip a bit as she took in his words.

  “Yeah, you two are like spaghetti and meatballs!” Dude announced, and Carlos nodded in agreement, scratching the fur on top of the mutt’s head fondly.

  “Guys, are we sure Jay even did what we think he did? I know Jay, and I know he’s absolutely crazy about you, Audrey,” Mal spoke her thoughts aloud as she glanced at the members of their currently assembled group, and Evie just looked down somewhat sadly, stroking Audrey’s hair gently.

  “I don’t know, M. Red lipstick on his forehead? That’s pretty condemning,” Evie expressed regretfully, and Audrey could easily hear in the bluenette’s voice that she didn’t want to believe it was true.

  “But who does he know that wears red lipstick?” Mal asked, and Audrey furrowed her brow, shaking her head as she considered Mal’s very thought-provoking question.

  “Besides Eves, there’s nobody. And they’d definitely never do that,” Carlos expressed in disgust, sticking his tongue out a bit and wrinkling his nose at the thought. Evie and Mal mirrored his expression at the mere thought of Jay and Evie together like that. Audrey almost wanted to giggle at the lot of them, but her heart was so overtaken by sadness and hurt at this moment that she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.

  “Unless it’s Sarah White,” Evie pointed out, narrowing her eyes at the very mention of the girl’s name, and Mal snorted at Evie, reaching over and patting Evie’s cheek affectionately before placing her hand on Audrey’s back beside Evie’s hand.

  “I’m pretty sure he’s not after her, E. He hates her with a passion. Almost as much as you, Audrey, and I do,” Mal explained with a slight laugh before quickly sobering as the mood seemed to set back upon her. She sighed slightly, looking down at her feet.

  “Can you guys talk to him, please?” Audrey somewhat brokenly requested, and all three of them immediately expressed varying forms of agreement.

  “Of course, Thorn. You know we will,” Mal assured her, moving her free hand over and squeezing the princess’s hand as she used that nickname reserved especially for Audrey. Audrey just nodded to them, smiling slightly in subdued gratitude.

  However, before they could get any further into this conversation, the front door suddenly opened.

  “Evie? Mal? Carlos? Are you guys there?!” Jay called as he wiped his feet on the mat set before the doorway. Audrey shrank back a bit, feeling Evie’s arm slightly tighten around her and Mal’s hand crunch Audrey’s own in a death grip. Carlos turned around to face the other boy, his arm on the back of the couch. Dude put his front paws up on the backrest of the sofa as he watched Jay carefully.

  Jay’s eyes widened as he realized that everyone was there and staring at him. He gaped at the lot of them before it finally seemed to dawn upon him that Audrey was sitting there with Evie and Mal and looked like she was barely holding herself together.

   He immediately looked immensely concerned, and he started to head over to the group.

  “Audrey! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Are you okay? Why did you head off in---”

  “Sit down, Jay,” Evie commanded, her voice lacking its ordinary, comforting warmth. Jay’s eyes widened as he gaped at the four people and the dog. Dude, in immediate response to Evie’s words, obediently sat down. Carlos gently stroked the dog’s back as he glared at Jay disapprovingly.

  “Uh… What did I do?” Jay questioned, and Mal shook her head as she snapped her fingers and pointed to the seat next to Carlos that was across from the three girls.

  Jay looked at her strangely but complied with her gesture as he went around the edge of the couch and plopped down next to Carlos. Dude stepped over into Carlos’s lap, and the de Vil boy patted the dog while watching Jay carefully. Jay looked at the dog and the other boy with some trepidation, and ultimately decided to turn his attentions to the girls.

  “Do you know why we’re all sitting here?” Evie questioned, and Jay looked at each of the expressions around him. He furrowed his brow in thought as he bit his bottom lip slightly.

  “Umm… You’re playing charades, pretending to be the King’s council, and leaving Audrey out of the game?” Jay asked uncertainly, glancing between the three girls before settling his gaze upon Carlos questioningly as he wordlessly inquired if he was correct.

  “Nice guess, but no. We quit that after Evie kept cheating and trying to look at the cards,” Mal deadpanned with only a hint of any humor in her voice, and Evie shot Mal a disapproving glance but Mal just shrugged in response. Evie pursed her lips, but quickly returned her attentions to Jay as she glared quietly.

  “The false accusation aside, Mal’s right. We’re not playing charades. We’re here to talk about what Audrey said you have done to her,” Evie told him, and Audrey watched the boy as his expression shifted from uncertainty to pure concern and worry.

  “Wh-what happened? What’s wrong?” Jay demanded worriedly, his eyes wide as he looked at his girlfriend. Audrey swallowed as she realized that he almost seemed like he might come closer to her.

  “Jay, Audrey says that you came to you guys’ date with red lipstick on your forehead,” Mal informed him, and Audrey could almost feel the anger and hurt radiating from the purple-haired girl. Mal had known Jay for the longest and was therefore the most injured by his betrayal of them.

  “And they say I’m a dog,” Dude suddenly piped up, and Audrey’s eyes remotely shifted to the dog for a moment before returning to meet Jay’s gaze. Jay looked suddenly very confused as he stared at the lot of them.

  “Red lipstick?” he questioned, his voice somewhat small as he furrowed his brow and considered Mal’s earlier statement.

  “On my forehead?” he added, appearing even more bumfuzzled as he looked down at the floor in thought. However, after only a moment, his eyes widened in recognition and he gazed at Evie.

  “It was her,” Jay pointed to the bluenette, and Audrey’s gaze snapped to Evie. Mal raised an eyebrow as she glanced between the two oldest members of the Core Four. Carlos looked exceedingly disgusted, and Evie was just sitting there with her jaw slackened in surprise.

  “Me?!” Evie squeaked. “When did I do it?!”

  “Do you remember this morning?” Jay asked, and Evie suddenly looked very thoughtful. Audrey looked back at her boyfriend skeptically, not sure what to think at this moment.

  “Oh! Eves insisted he had a fever this morning, and that was when she felt his head!” Carlos called out suddenly, and they all looked to the de Vil boy. Audrey furrowed her brow as she took in that new thought.

  Evie suddenly looked very sheepish as her memory seemed to jog. Mal had now let go of Audrey’s hand and almost looked as if she would laugh as she leaned back against the couch.

  Audrey was completely shocked at this development. Jay really wasn’t cheating on her, and it was just Evie being her usual caring self? It almost seemed too good to be true.

  She scanned her mind quickly, trying desperately to ensure that there were values in this equation that didn’t add up. Unfortunately, she immediately thought of Jay’s sudden change in dress.

  “Well, why have you been dressing so nicely lately? And fixing your hair so perfectly?” Audrey demanded, not sure if she wanted to know the answer but finding that she definitely needed to know it.

  “Once again, it’s E’s fault. She’s been holding him down, brushing his hair, and making him change whenever she even thinks that she hears that you two have a date,” Mal explained with a wide grin. Evie gaped at Mal with just a hint of offense.

  “I was just trying to make him presentable!” Evie cried, and Mal chuckled under her breath, finally allowing herself to enjoy the situation a bit more.

  “Evie, I told you to stop mother-henning. It never ends well,” Mal finally told the bluenette, and Carlos laughed aloud in response to the somewhat older girl’s statement.

  “But, M!” Evie protested immediately, and Audrey somewhat zoned out as she looked at the boy across from her. Jay was looking at the two girls that were currently engaged in playful argument, but he turned his gaze to her quickly.

  He offered a slight smile to her and she suddenly felt relief wash over her as she realized that it had all been just a giant mistake. However, just after that, there was an immense guilt that overcame her. How could she have doubted him? That was so terribly unfeeling of her. Especially after she had so often been the sufferer of the effects of unfeeling people.

  Audrey glanced to Evie quickly as the bluenette started scooting closer to Audrey in an attempt to get nearer to Mal. Audrey shared a meaningful glance with Jay, trying to signal to him to come with her.

  He looked at her somewhat questioningly, but as she stood up, he quickly got the message. He got up with her, and she started out toward Evie’s back door. She could hear his footsteps not too far behind her, and as they exited the house, those footsteps were soon all that she could hear.

  She slowed down significantly as she started to stroll through the grass. He hesitantly approached her from the side, walking parallel to her. Audrey could feel his gaze upon her, and she swallowed a bit, spotting a bench around the edge of Evie’s house over at the firepit.

  Audrey headed over to it, sitting down carefully. Jay mimicked her movements, resting next to her as he placed his elbows on his knees and looked over at her quietly. They silently sat for a few moments, and she knew that he was waiting for her to speak first. He was always understanding that way.

  “Jay… I’m so sorry that I ever doubted you,” Audrey expressed, their eyes meeting. She felt her heart ache as she watched him nod, a serious expression on his face as he eyed her.

  “I was so horribly stupid, insensitive, and rash,” she told him, and he just watched her, neither agreeing with her statement nor disagreeing.

  “I should’ve never doubted you. You’ve always been so understanding and kind, and I’m just always just the selfish, bratty princess,” Audrey told him, trying to hold back the urge to sob as it truly dawned upon her just how horrible she had been to him in her quickness to make assumptions.

  “I’m so sorry,” she finished, turning her head away from him in shame as she closed her eyes.

  After a few moments, however, she felt a gentle touch to her chin, and he turned her head back so that she was facing him. He was now sitting up straighter and was leaning near her as he held her chin gently, making her look at him.

  “Hey, you’re not a brat,” Jay assured her, stroking her chin with his thumb as he searched her face. He then met her eyes once again. Audrey swallowed as she studied him, wondering what he was going to say next.

  “You were a little rash, but I completely understand. You’ve had a bad time with guys, and I know sometimes my old reputation can precede me,” Jay expressed somewhat sadly as he shifted his hand so that it was cupping her cheek. Audrey immediately shook her head in negation, reaching up and grabbing at his wrist with both hands as she held onto him firmly.

  “No, that wasn’t it at all. It was entirely because of me and my own insecurities,” Audrey explained to him, and she saw his eyes soften. She set her jaw a bit as she considered what she was about to admit.

  “Jay, you are the greatest boy that I have ever known.” She was seriously putting her heart on the line, but she was almost completely certain that he wouldn’t disappoint her.

  Sure enough, his eyes lit up slightly at her words, and he brought up his other hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. He then rested that hand on her bare cheek as he gazed at her.

  “I love you, Jay,” she confessed, and he just grinned at her before leaning in. She closed her eyes in anticipation, waiting for his lips to meet her own. He kissed her softly, and she couldn’t help but smile a bit against his lips. She trailed her hands up his arms, resting one on his shoulder as she brought the other one up to the back of his neck to tangle in his hair.

  However, they suddenly heard a scream, successfully pulling them from their own little world.

  They both jerked in surprise and pulled away from one another, looking behind them as Evie, Carlos, and Dude charged out the back door with Mal right behind them.

  Evie was giggling and squealing like a madwoman and Carlos was laughing like crazy with Dude barking insanely as they all tried to escape Mal. It was a rather ridiculous sight to witness Evie actually running and Carlos skittering around as he was with Dude on his heels. It was even more humorous when one actually realized that Mal was chasing them.

  “M! No, don’t get us! We’re good!” Evie cried, and Mal stayed right behind her as she pursued the taller girl.

  “Oh, I beg to differ, dear sister! Don’t you remember your statement about me being hopeless without you keeping me in line?!” Mal demanded, but she was laughing, and it was easy to see that she was just having a good time messing with Evie.

  “What did me and Dude do?!” Carlos yelled between laughs as he ran around behind a tree. However, Evie and Mal were right behind him, and he had to take off running once again.

  “You agreed, and the dog’s your sidekick!” Mal explained quickly as they zipped across the grass, heading for the front yard. They soon disappeared, their voices ringing out as Mal chased them.

  Audrey and Jay blinked and shook their heads, chuckling at the two girls, the boy, and the dog. Audrey turned her gaze to look at Jay, and he returned his eyes to hers.

  “Oh, and, um… I love you, too,” Jay expressed with a grin, and Audrey smiled widely as they both leaned into one another, hopefully not to be interrupted this time.

  And as their lips finally connected once again and he scooted closer to her, pulling her nearer, Audrey couldn’t help but think how glad she was that it all was a big misunderstanding.

[limitless-rose]

The Signs as things I wanted to be when I grow up

[This has literally been in my drafts since December because I wasn't sure if each option matched with the sign I chose but whatever (it's also a long post again, oof)

Also I didn't really post anything related to 2020 so... Happy New Year, let's hope something good will happen this decade!! 💖]

♈ Aries: Be part of the army. I was quite fascinated by the idea of guns and protecting the nation and actually getting my life together. I was actually thinking about it for quite a while until I realized that in order to get accepted (at least according to the Greek system) you need to have excellent grades (especially maths/physics), to be taller that 165cm and to be excellent in sports. Guess what, I don't understand physics/science/chemistry, I've been about 158cm for the past 3 years and the only two sports I'm good at are badminton and tennis (while you need to be good at running, swimming and things like that I guess 😕)

✧

♉ Taurus: A chef/baker. Cooking and baking always seemed pretty fun. I would always sit by my grandma whenever she cooked/baked goodies and observe the whole process. I also got inspired by the movies "The Princess and the Frog" and "Ratatouille" and thought that one day I could possibly come up with my own recipes and open my own restaurant. But while growing up I realized that I can't cook properly when I'm stressed/multi-tasking (I'm capable of burning the food AND the kitchen if I get slightly distracted, ooof)

✧

♊ Gemini: A TV presenter or a weather woman. My mom told me that from the age of three I would always pretend to talk to an audience and answer questions from the callers or announce news/talk about the weather. Maybe that explains why I talk to thin air (as if I was a YouTuber) about anything and everything when I'm alone. Though it sounds cool, I don't really think I could do it now because I have social anxiety.

✧

♋ Cancer: A writer. I really like writing, I don't know why. Authors have been inspiring me since my childhood, I remember I used to read so many books and try to write something of my own based on it. 😅 I like taking notes and then re-writing them more neatly. I like re-doing old homework in a different style and see if I have improved. I really like writing in a diary/a bullet journal too, I feel like it's much better than bothering others with my problems anyway. I also love coming up with random scenarios/stories/characters and writing about it but I don't know if I should share it. Idk, sometimes I feel like my writing is a bit boring or that it's nothing that impressive. So, honestly, if more people took writers seriously instead of thinking it's a hobby as it doesn't always pay well (when did the world even start revolving around money that much, oml) and if I was more confident about my work I'd definitely chose to become a writer/author (I'm still keeping it as a hobby no matter what I end up doing, lol).

✧

♌ Leo: A model. Omg, I honestly don't know why I even thought of it. Probably because I really liked watching ANTM when I was younger (and I specifically chose the American version because the one we have in my country makes me cringe a lot, just hearing girls from my school talking about it is painful). My friends also liked the outfits that I put together or how I would always pose for pictures (a few years ago, I'm too awkward now asdfghjkl). Looking at it now it's just so funny. There's literally so much competition in the name of beauty, the community can get kinda toxic sometimes and the standards are pretty high. Also I'm way too short and I still can't walk like a normal person when wearing high heels lol.

✧

♍ Virgo: A teacher. Specifically, a teacher for elementary or even kindergarten. Back then, the concept of teaching seemed pretty fun to me and I had lots of ideas about how to make class more interesting. The thing is that I have good chemistry with most kids and I actually kinda dislike teenagers because of how rebellious we can get when it comes to school (idk but like teens in my country are like pretty rude to everyone 😐). I'm not so sure about it now, though it's still an option.

✧

♎ Libra: A psychologist. I always liked helping others out and offering advice when they're having a tough time and I was also curious to see what makes each person feel angry, sad or stressed and the way they respond. It's also interesting because you can learn a lot about someone's personality, preferences and way of thinking or understand what caused someone to commit a crime. I still really like psychology and it's one of my main options for uni. The only problem is that psychology is pretty much overrated in my country so people say it's best to choose something else. 😒

✧

♏ Scorpio: A criminologist. And, surprisingly, I still want it. I was always intrigued by things that required research, was interesting in learning what caused a murder/crime to be committed and I would always watch crime thrillers with my dad. I also like it because it's a field of Sociology which is one of my favorite subjects. I'm just hoping finals aren't super difficult so I can get accepted in the college that I want on the first try lol.

✧

♐ Sagittarius: A flight attendant. Back then I found it kinda fun, as I was always curious about what going on a plane is like. It could also be because of their outfits (like the ones you see in movies or in Britney's MV for Toxic, idk why 😅). Plus I would get to travel around the world without paying as much as the passengers. But then, at the age of 14-15 I got on an airplane 4 times and I saw that it wasn't really like the movies and that literally everyone ignored the flight attendant so yeah, it's not an option anymore. ✈️

✧

♑ Capricorn: A fashion designer. So because I would always draw and constantly ask for new crayons/markers and other art supplies, my mom bought me a few coloring books that focused on fashion. It came along with stickers, stencils, ideas for Victorian dressses, advice for how to design lace or mermaid tail dresses and I was so impressed. A few years later, my grandma showed me a few dresses that she had made for my mom when she was younger (which were so gorgeous like I'm definitely going to wear one of them on my graduation day) and taught me sewing. I also got to see these small floral designs that you usually see on lingerie and it was so pretty, I wish I could do it as perfectly as her. I decided to follow my grandma's advice and keep it as a hobby instead (because she ended up doing nothing but designing clothes and repairing them which she regrets 🧵🧶).

✧

♒ Aquarius: An astronaut. This was pretty random, I have to admit. I guess I really liked space and looking at at the stars in the night sky. I read a few books about space and learned a few things about NASA back in elementary too, though I realized that it's something I could never really do, as you have to sacrifice a lot. I'm still fascinated by this profession but there's no way I could ever do it, since I can't even understand basic physics or mathematics. 🤷‍♀️

✧

♓ Pisces: An artist. Honestly I didn't really care if most artists didn't get recognition/fame or if they didn't earn enough money, I just wanted to make art because I liked it. It's also fun because while you are expressing your thoughts through an art piece, another person might interpret it differently, based on their likings and thoughts. Art also plays an active role in my life: I've been drawing and painting since I was 5 and I would always watch the show with Bob Ross on TV with my grandma. Instead of completely giving up on this idea, I thought that I could choose another profession (also my family didn't really like the thought of me doing art for a living 😐) and keep art as a hobby.

[lafeae]

Prompt: Chronic Pain

Fandom: N/A

Characters: Li Nguyen (OC), ChangChang (OC)

For: @badthingshappenbingo

Chronic Pain

When the sun set in Hong Kong, the city awoke. It’s nightlife hustled brightly, it’s towers illuminated in a rainbow of colours and flourish until the façades moved and danced to the Symphony of Lights, making it easy to drown out and worry or concern as it beckoned people deep into the deeming trenches of barely moveable streets and new-age infrastructure. The tourists and the outdoor vendors, yelling loudly and capriciously while they stirred noodles and clapped their hands, knew nothing about the kinds of things that were happening under their feet.

The world was changing.

Behind the tall and beautiful edifices, mouths moved and papers shuffled, preparing the world for the be all, end all of tectonic shifts. Where money, power, and information were all going to share the same surface. The swipe of a tablet, or a badge, or a watch was all it was going to take. Every detail linked to a fingerprint of a retina scan. Hell, even a face.

Li didn’t know how they didn’t know. Maybe the beautiful skyline had tricked them. Hong Kong was a state of mind. Precariously stuck in between between old world and new ideals, a border where east met west in the most cliché sort of descriptor for those that were looking for a way to ease into the eventual culture shock, Hong Kong had a way of hypnotising people into a sense of ease. And really, if you weren’t there on business, that was the point.

But Li was there on business. More specifically, he’d moved there for business four months ago and would remain there, at least until the wedding.

He sighed. “Stop the car.”

The sleek car broke out of traffic and parked midway up a busy causeway. A block away was The Lotus. A tall, twinkling building whose front had rose petals raining over the silhouette of curvaceous, beckoning beauties called to him. Soon.

Planting his cane first, Li heaved out of the car.

“Are you sure, Mr. Nguyen?” The driver asked.

“Yes, thank you.”

“But the Mistress said...!”

Li dug in his pocket and handing over a colourful array of banknotes, thumbing down enough to see the a golden yellow one waded in the centre. He opened up the front passenger door and leaned over the leather seats, passing them to the driver.

“Go have fun. I’ll be a while.”

The money was snatched up immediately. The driver licked his fingers and counted the notes. He nodded vehemently, but Li knew, no matter how much money he handed over, that this would still be reported back to Fayola. The Mistress. The Princess. The Bride-to-Be. Maybe it would buy him an hour or two, though. Which was enough for a stroll and aimless sight seeing.

He began to long walk to towards The Lotus, taking the same careful and steady steps he always did, keeping in queue with the faster legs in front of him. His pace was even, and his footing sound, but it was never about that. It was the pain that shot through him at random intervals and made him hear cymbals crashing over the sharp throes of Cantonese and Mandarin and the deep-bass rhythm of live music being played somewhere adjacent to him. Coins still shook in his pocket, maybe he would visit the musician.

When the pain dissipated for a few fleeting moments, he picked up the pace and made it to a corner stall with steam rising out from beneath moist, navy blue banners likely soaked through with the grease and oil from the egg waffles.

Artfully, one of the cooks twirled a long string of chocolate sauce over the puffy fried batter balls and handed them off wrapped in paper. A hawker was in Li’s shouting, “Stop staring. You scare people!” before smiling and quickly wrapping one of the pastries. “One or two?”

“Three,” Li replied.

“Three!” The hawker laughed. “No eyes on you tonight?”

Li shrugged and handed over the last of the bills in his pocket. “There’s always eyes. I just...had a craving.”

“Mm. That bad, huh?” Asked the hawed, pointing towards Li’s legs. Li didn’t answer, holding the warm pastries in his hands before lifting them back up, where the hawker drizzled chocolate sauce on them. “Must be that bad. You ever think to drink instead?”

Li snorted. “I’ll be back.”

“I know! You keep me in business!”

The egg waffles were torn into as Li walked. The pain was flaring up again, pulsing from his knee and shooting down to his foot until the toes were numb. Wonderful. They couldn’t bother him with anymore than a tingle that way. It left him leaning against the cane to combat the sensation of the muscle in his knee constantly tightening, or his thigh muscle ready to burst out from beneath the skin. The less pressure, the better.

Eventually, he made it to The Lotus, staring up at its infinitely high billboard and the many, many windows tucked behind the glittering pixels. People danced in the dim windows, unaware how apparent their shadows were on the glass, especially the very round breasts suctioned on again, off again, from the fourth floor while the person behind her shimmied her slim panties off. The light in the room flicked off after that, but Li was sure he could make out the smear where her breasts had been.

Two egg waffles were chomped through to the hard edges resting in the bottom of the bag, the third cooling against his hand. He didn’t want it, it was too much for one person, but he knew in twenty or thirty minutes, his brain wouldn’t care what his stomach did or didn’t want. He was going to get that plastered and probably throw up.

That was the only way to get through this.

Chocolate sauce was wiped from his mouth as he stepped through a side door, nodding to the bouncer who barely glanced at him while others complained.

Inside, the dim lighting flickered with stones and glitter, the entire room beating with a terrible, autotuned rhythm that could have taken some notes from the street performer that he’d forgotten about.

“Mr. Nguyen!” A woman with too much eye make-up approached him, her long lashes batting. She took his arm. “Come to join the party? Kitty’s here! She’s just climbed on a table and—!”

“Just the bar, thanks.”

Fluttering her big lashes, the woman looked down at the egg waffle and licked her lips. He broke off a piece and handed it to her, watching her devour it behind her hand. If it went to her wide hips, it wouldn’t hurt her any.

“You need ChangChang?” Big Lashes asked.

“Always.”

She pivoted on the stiletto heels and walked him to the elevator, stealing bites of the egg waffle the entire way. Maybe that was the price for this service. A pretty girl as a crutch wasn’t such a bad thing. She gave a good lap dance, too, when he was sitting. Looking into her big, often glittering lashes made him ignore almost everything just so he had a moment to himself.

But she left him at the empty VIP bar, waving goodbye as she stole the last of the egg waffle.

Li dropped into one of the barstools and used both hands to pull his leg up onto the low bar. His toes were the only thing saved from the rippling pain that, even as he rested, refused to subside. For a few minutes, he steadied his breath and rubbed his thigh between both hands while focusing on the bay in the distance. A perfect location for a luxurious high-rise club, and especially perfect for the VIP lounge, where the elite could sip their VSOP and Remy while looking out at the lights twinkling on the choppy water like underwater fireworks.

The back door slammed open, drawing his attention to the wall of liquor lit up by a bright backlight.

“You again?” The shrill voice belonging a tall, lithe woman, asked. Her long hair was oiled back, with big curls pinned above her forehead and ears. Sharp make-up around her eyes and bold-lined lips contrasted her blue tracksuit. He’d caught her getting ready for the night. “I should charge you rent.”

“Booze is worth more.”

“Ha, as if you pay.”

Li rolled his eyes and braced the bar, shifting his weight to the right side. “Nice to see you too, ChangChang.”

The woman scoffed. “What you want?”

“Usual. Double, if you could.”

Bottles clanked together, and Li buried his face in his hands for a few seconds while he gathered his breath.

One, two, three, stretch out the knee. Four, five, six, swing it back. Seven, eight, nine, straighten the back. Wash, rinse, repeat, holding his leg out as long as he was physically able, until the muscles burned and his knee cried for relief. Tingling returned to his toes, not that he wanted it. He’d give anything for his knee and calf to stop pulsating. Not that it would, it never had, but there was a faraway hope that it might.

Because sometimes it dulled. Under the right circumstances, it dulled to a whisper and he forgot about its existence. That thinking led him down the slippery slope of believing that if he replicated those exact circumstances—if he moved the right way, sat the right way, acted the right way—that it would go away. The worst part of it was that it sometimes worked. Always sometimes. Just enough to make him do it again and again, living in the same loop, and the same lie, that this could be cured.

Wishful thinking.

Nothing had changed in seventeen years. Li knew he was a fool for thinking it would change, but pain wasn’t logical. It drilled into that part of his brain that made him foolish, happily misinformed, and hopeful that if he just got this right! he could prove the illogical. That he could help himself and everyone else plagued with the dark, transporting thoughts and feelings (and actions, he murmured to himself when alone, when no one was listening to him and there was a block of knives in the room, but that required walking) and be the miracle for someone else.

“Hey, no passing out on the bar,” ChangChang said. She sat a glass down in front of him.

Li’s grimace fluttered into a tight smile. “Not passing out. I haven’t even drank yet.”

“I’m gonna charge you extra when you do.”

“I’m not going to.”

ChangChang snorted. “Be a first.”

The liquor was thrown back. People always described a burn, but he never felt it anymore. He hardly even remembered what it felt like to begin with. For a second, he lingered with his eyes to the ceiling while the first drink impacted into his brain. Only...he didn’t know how many more...to go.

“Oh, we’re self-Indulgent today, I see.” ChangChang clicked her tongue. “Don’t try telling me answers to universe. I don’t care, okay? Got enough of those to make book from.”

“I don’t have any answers.”

“Yet.”

Li slid the empty glass towards her. “Only one way to find out.”

“I said ‘not interested’. Keep that shit to yourself,” ChangChang said. The glass was taken.

In the time it took for ChangChang to fill it back up, Li’d attention drifted towards doors at the far side of the bar, where flashing lights beat to a rhythm in the cracks. If he closed his eyes, he heard people laughing and screaming. Recklessly enjoying themselves, girls jumping into boy’s arms and swinging around the room to the rapid-fire mix of songs he was too old to give a damn about. Someone, somewhere, was getting busy before paying for a girl or booking a room. To each their own.

There was a time it was him. When, underneath ultraviolet light and shimmer glow, he lost sense of space and time. When his only idea of where his curly-haired, five foot nothing tall of fierce and stubborn Goddess was was by following the soft hush of her voice and the warm trails of her fingertips on his back.

She always got him into messes. Pushed his boundaries; mentally, emotionally, sexually. She left him with humid memories of laying in the sands of a beach in the Philippines after a day-long binge of self-discovery with one Guillermo (“call me Gil,” he purred) while she watched on and eventually joined because she was a little selfish and impatient. She would deny it when Li teased her for it.

A stab of pain thrust through his knee. He’d leaned too forward in his daydream, and cursed to himself as he slipped off the stool.

ChangChang wasn’t looking at him. In that moment of white-hot pain, he reached across the bar and grabbed the bourbon bottle she’d left out.

“Hey, you! Stop that.”

“Put it on the tab,” Li said. He grabbed a short-stemmed glass and poured an amount that almost sloshed over the rim. Just so he wasn’t drinking straight from the bottle. “I’m sure it’s appropriately overpriced.”

ChangChang was silent. The bourbon was sipped in one long, slow. Li didn’t come up to breathe, too focused on the colourful door. When he finished, his ears were a little warm. More out of worry than from the drink, because he knew he wasn’t a lightweight. Not anymore.

It was refilled. Scrutinising eyes were on him, but after two or three more drinks, ChangChang’s quizzicalness, or maybe it was disgust, would go away. Everything would go away. Everything but the pain, but he would be in a good place, so it would slip to that dull, almost right, feeling that he remembered. If he remembered. He thought he knew what it felt like to not be in pain.

“I’ll tell her you’re here,” ChangChang threatened after the third, or was it fourth, fill of the glass.

Li snorted. “Fuck Fayola. She knows.”

“Not her, dipshit.”

“Masiko?” Li asked, lips puckering.

“Yes.”

“Is she here?”

“Yes. And I tell her you’re being stupid.”

“What else is new?”

ChangChang crossed her arms. “I call in your ‘tab’.”

“Do it.”

“I will.”

The glass was slammed on the bar. “Do it! Make her come out here.”

God, the pain was blinding. The very thought of his Goddess strolling through that door and looking him up and down, seeing him wavering as he put all of his weight on his bad leg just to test how many more drinks it was going to take to make it go away, was embarrassing. Not that she hadn’t seen him shit-faced, passed-out, wallowing in places that they shared with in ever long, intimate sessions of silence and touches. It was just different now. It lacked the intimate. The good intimate, at least.

Intimate hate was a thing, too. For self, for others.

It made every detail so vivid, so precise, that no matter how much alcohol churned in him, Li could never escape the memories. The pain of the memories. No, pain in his leg, not memories.

ChangChang’s lips pursed. “Go home.”

“No.”

“Now.”

Li shook his head vehemently.

“You only make it worse on yourself, asshole. With Fayola or Masiko,” ChangChang said. If it weren’t for the soft lilt of concern in her voice, the gentle mothering instinct she had feel down in her, Li might have believed her despise. “Fucker.”

“Yeah, I know.”

ChangChang refilled the glass and took the bottle. “I need to change. Don’t fuck up my bar.”

Li laughed to himself. He rested his forehead into knit fingers. “I won’t.”

“Don’t go through the door, either.”

“...I won’t,” Li said, so soft that it might have been a thought.

ChangChang left, and he nursed the glass slowly while peeking over to the door. Despite the warning, he wanted to go through it. He wanted to search through the sweaty bodies and find his Goddess. He didn’t need to hear her or see her, just feel her. He’d know Masiko by touch.

But he couldn’t. His leg hurt too bad.

Or that’s what he told himself.