#sometimes I realize that I truly am crazy bc this? yeah this is all I’m gonna think about | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

grantairescurls · 1 year ago

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i have many thoughts.

They are each other's wingman/woman (& silently judge Ragnar together when he's Up To Something)

I’VE BEEN SAYING THIS!!!!! Lagertha definitely goes to him to complain about her stupid husband every other day, at first Athelstan even tried to offer some advice but then he realized the poor woman just needs to let some frustration out. “He’s just so! SO!!” “I know.” “He’s such an IDIOT!” “A fool, truly.” He nods, not even looking up from the goat he was milking in the meantime.

They mourn Gyda on the anniversary of her death each year

don’t. don’t do this to me. not after There is Thunder in Our Hearts chapter 4.

Has trouble getting the at LEAST 3 languages he speaks straight in his head sometimes especially in those scenarios

we’ve talked about this extensively like two months ago yeah. i think its one of the most interesting traits of his character. also, i feel like no character other than Ragnar and Ecbert truly understood how intelligent he actually is

Tends the garden at Ragnar's farm, and later keeps a little garden of his own, it keeps him calm and reminds him of his work at Lindisfarne

Bakes bread like an absolute King

Good at cooking in general

Soup

Helga + Athelstan + Gyda flower crown making circle. Yes please.

Animals like him instinctively

Learns to knit & makes his own clothes

Ambidextrous (and would get in trouble at the monastery for occasionally using "the devil's hand" by accident)

absolutely love this one

Face turns beet red in the cold

#same #realasfuck

Eventually does get a tattoo on a wrist or ankle where it can't be seen by anyone

i am GLAD someone is finally talking about this. my Ac: Valhalla character (Eivor) is basically just an older/real viking Athelstan. long dark simple-braided hair, short beard, and the most basic and simple and clean tattoos available in the game. (you probably have no idea what im talking about, ill post some pictures i took of him in the game) but YEAH he WOULD get tattoos (maybe also because Ragnar kinda pressured him into getting one. maybe) but you know, nothing too fancy or extreme

He and Helga are best buds (to Floki's dismay)

him and Helga and Torstein are besties IDC IDC

Sorta easy to not notice. He can be very quiet, to the point where if he wanted to sneak around and snoop he could with almost zero effort. But he doesn't bc morals???

i have this scenario written down where Ragnar once asks him to visit the town they were going to raid pretending to be a foreigner. Athestan is like “??? are you crazy?? I’m gonna get killed” surprise surprise literally nobody notices him at all he blends in perfectly. if he was a videogame character he would be perfect for stealth-focused quests

these Ragnar ones are making me aargsgwhhshwjsjjjwkki !!!!

(he's tried to do this [teach him stuff] with Ragnar too but that man is Too Stubborn -- even when it's Athelstan)

!!!!!!!!1!!-£/

Ragnar's INSTINCT is to immediately roast most things he says about his religion off bat-- but then he'll spend hours thinking about his takes anyway and come back like hold on what was that you said. And Athelstan is like. Aha.

absolutely OBSESSED with this one the “Aha.” YESSSSS “Your is God is weird and weak compared to ours but also you need to tell me more immediately please I got no sleep last night thinking about the Holy Trinity. He’s your father but also your son and a spirit at the same time?”

Ragnar LOVES to playfully slap him on the back, throw an arm around him, hugs etc. which is all fun and great but sometimes he'll forget that Athelstan is like. Small. And will straight up knock him over.

i mentioned some time ago Ragnar accidentally hurting him really badly during training and this is the reason yes

Finds Ragnar's old clothes (that he's stuck with at the beginning of the series) comforting and doesn't mind that they're about four sizes too big — he’s used to loose oversized robes after all

he refuses to admit that also Ragnar’s strong (smelly) scent that lingers to those clothes don’t bother him at all. actually, well. i thats vulgar. i shan’t say. (he likes it)

Learns to make tattoos despite having only one of his own

Tries to give Ragnar one at one point and they think it'll be a -bonding experience~ but Ragnar will not stop squirming and Athelstan gets increasingly frustrated trying to get him to Hold The Fuck Still

+ @levithestripper ‘s reblog im dying over this

Ok my *favourite* Athelstan headcanons I've come up with so far, complied from all my earlier compilations** go:

**and yeah, YEAH a lot of these are reiterations of what i've said a million times, fight meeeee

under the cut:

He needs very little sleep to function & his sleep schedule is a Mystery

Always A Little Too Cold, can't sleep without like 18 covers

Shares life/skills tips with Lagertha

They are each other's wingman/woman (& silently judge Ragnar together when he's Up To Something)

They mourn Gyda on the anniversary of her death each year

He pushes himself too far without knowing it sometimes, trying to exist through being way too stressed, exhausted etc.

Has trouble getting the at LEAST 3 languages he speaks straight in his head sometimes especially in those scenarios

Tends the garden at Ragnar's farm, and later keeps a little garden of his own, it keeps him calm and reminds him of his work at Lindisfarne

His birth name wasn't Athelstan, that's his chosen monk name (in a couple fics of mine I've called him Anselm)

Bakes bread like an absolute King

Good at cooking in general

Soup

Has an intense fear of thunderstorms/severe weather

Can swim if he has to but not a fan of water either

Ambidextrous (and would get in trouble at the monastery for occasionally using "the devil's hand" by accident)

But now he can fight with both hands so that's cool

Nearsighted (that's what spending years squinting at small print by candlelight will do to a guy)

It's rare for him to get sick

But when he does it hits him like an absolute truck. Like he won't catch a single cold for YEARS and then out of nowhere bam, stuck in bed for two weeks with the worst bug of his life

Lagertha helps him out if he's unwell, he's got some medical training from being a monk but like I said earlier when he's too stressed his brain does Not work

And he's also helped her with injury recovery after battles, sometimes giving her insight to things that would've been a lot more serious otherwise

Basically he's her physio coach

(he's tried to do this with Ragnar too but that man is Too Stubborn -- even when it's Athelstan)

He and Helga are best buds (to Floki's dismay)

Helga + Athelstan + Gyda flower crown making circle. Yes please.

Face turns beet red in the cold

Animals like him instinctively

He's that weird guy who brings his sketchbook to a party & draws people

But fr he has more trouble remembering faces than names (and to him all the Norsemen kinda look alike. He will never admit that.) so he keeps track of everybody this way

Eventually does get a tattoo on a wrist or ankle where it can't be seen by anyone

Sorta easy to not notice. He can be very quiet, to the point where if he wanted to sneak around and snoop he could with almost zero effort. But he doesn't bc morals???

Finds Ragnar's old clothes (that he's stuck with at the beginning of the series) comforting and doesn't mind that they're about four sizes too big -- he's used to loose oversized robes after all

Gyda had a crush on him when he first arrived and Bjorn teased her incessantly about it (Athelstan had no idea)

People get to know him as kind of an advisor and sagely type, and will come to him for advice (honestly...kind of like a priest would do. which is not a connection he makes anyone aware of, but it makes him happy)

Strategy game enthusiast

Learns to knit & makes his own clothes

Has a bit of a photographic memory

Learns to make tattoos despite having only one of his own

Tries to give Ragnar one at one point and they think it'll be a ~bonding experience~ but Ragnar will not stop squirming and Athelstan gets increasingly frustrated trying to get him to Hold The Fuck Still

....Phew

@grantairescurls @levithestripper @starrose17

I know I've bombarded you guys with so much Athelstan stuff that's probably super repetitive but ughhhghhhhhhhh I gotta exorcise these things

#HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO LONG #im so sorry #i have many thoughts.#vikings headcanons #im sure there’s something i missed but #oh well

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wtf-yoongi · 5 years ago

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Flawless.

pairing | taehyung x reader

summary | you’ve lost count of how many notes you’ve left in between tae’s textbooks, from the silliest to the most profound, loving ones. and yet, even after all these months, taehyung doesn’t seem to have noticed any of them

genre/warnings | university fluff bc y’all whipped by university student!tae am i right

words | 3,070

note | this concept was inspired by a plot line in romance is a bonus book (which you can and should stream on netflix). also: for some reason i didn’t know but found out while writing this that i would do anything for kim taehyung and that’s just a fact

You don’t know how that even started.

It sounds like the kind of thing people who lose bets would be forced to do. If you lose, you’ll have to write a silly letter confessing your love to a friend. It would be funny, a story worthy of being shared with friends in between bottles of beer and other tales from college years.

But it really isn’t like that. Definitely not as funny or entertaining – just you being bored one day and then too into it to stop it.

You don’t know what had gotten into you the first time you did it. You arrived a little early at the apartment Taehyung shared with Jimin. Tae was still taking a shower. Jimin let you in and apologized for having to leave you alone because he was working on a paper due only a couple of days later. You sat down in the small living room area. Looked around for a while. Picked a thinning stack of sticky notes from your backpack. Wrote something silly on one of them. Added a little #1 to it. Entered Taehyung’s room. Picked a book out of his shelves. Opened it on a random page. Sticked the yellow note there. Closed the book. Left it alone. That was it.

After that, it was like an addiction. Maybe it was the thrill of getting caught someday – eventually, as you thought – and having a good laugh with your friends about it. You could actually picture it: Jimin and you cracking up in the kitchen after Taehyung shows up with a handful of notes you’ve written. You tell them you’ve been doing it for weeks and leaving them everywhere. Jimin jokes about Tae not even opening a textbook to pretend he’s studying. Tae eventually joins, giggling and shaking his head.

“Hey, what’s up?”

You blink quickly to focus your mind again, looking up to see Taehyung free his shoulder from the weight of his bag and place a bottle of water on the table you are now sharing. He looks relaxed despite the craziness of the end of the semester, smiling and waving at a known face two tables away before sitting down.

“You good?” He asks again and bumps his elbow against yours to coax an answer out of you. “You look too serious.”

“I was…” You start and look down at the scattered pieces of paper in front of you, trying to make any sense of them. You pile it all to at least appear a bit more put together – the papers and yourself. “I was in the library, but the tension was too much to handle, so I moved in here.”

“It’s noisy.”

Well, yes, it’s a common area filled with students doing anything but studying. You wish to feel at ease like these people. Are they done with the semester or what?

“Don’t you think it’s a little bit too noisy to study?”

“Yeah, but there’s a whole lot of people talking and I can’t tell them apart, so it doesn’t bother me,” you answer, maybe a little too quickly after a few beats of silence. You decide to add something else, something to not end it on a bad note. “It’s oddly calming.”

“Well, if you think so.” Taehyung raises his shoulders and flashes you a simple and toothless smile.

You don’t know how that even started. Liking him like the way you do.

It sounds like the kind of thing you would hear from someone else. I think I’m in love with a friend, what should I do? It would be funny, giving them advice on this sort of thing, but it only happened in movies, right?

But it really isn’t like that. It’s real. And it’s not as funny or entertaining. It kind of hurts, actually, but you can’t stop feeling those feelings and it drives you crazy sometimes.

More than often you had found yourself thinking about this before going to sleep at night – and sometimes losing sleep over it as well. It definitely wasn’t like a switch, but it sure felt like it. You gradually fell in love, but only realized it when Taehyung came running down the stairs at the Art Department to meet you.

There was nothing special about him that day – it was just the same old Tae –, but it wasn’t the art that had changed. It was the artist’s eye. You knew the second he made eye contact that something was up, but didn’t immediately jump to any conclusions, no. Love was something that came to you much later. At first, you thought maybe he had his hair done differently or the sweater he was wearing just fitted him too perfectly, the color matching everything else flawlessly.

But you had never used the word flawless to describe Kim Taehyung up until then. That’s when you realized you were the one looking at him in a different way. And that’s also when you started to wonder if that would ever happen the other way around, too.

But, of course, that never happens. He never finds out. Maybe the books you were picking up were way too random or hiding the notes inside just made it too hard for him to find them, so you decided to stick a note to a cover for once.

You could feel the adrenaline rush as you did it, almost as if you were committing a crime. What you wrote is far from incriminating, though. #19 this is a test to see if you’re truly that clueless about your own stuff. you tedious friend, you were supposed to find these. what’s the joke in me leaving them if you don’t?

After that audacious move, you were a little apprehensive for a few days. You couldn’t stop looking at your phone, waiting for it to light up with a new message. At any moment now, you thought to yourself – and it did come, the message, but it wasn’t what you were expecting. It was just a you up? I need help with an Impressionism piece and this is more your thing.

“This is your last one, right?” Taehyung asks after a few minutes. “Last test?”

You blow a strand of hair that has fallen in front of your eyes. “Yeah, this and a project due tomorrow, but I’m done with that already.”

“Oh, the one you were working on last week when I asked you to come over and you said you couldn’t?”

“Yup, exactly.”

When you disconnect your eyes from the words in front of you to look at him again, he’s calmly playing with the water bottle with a subtle smile on his lips.

“I wish you could’ve come that day.”

You had sticked a note on his only book on Impressionism just a few days before.

To be honest, you were disappointed. Over the months, you had found yourself wanting more and more for him to find the notes – and not just the ones that had jokes on them, but also the ones that ask about the weather, about how he’s feeling, apologizing for that day two years prior when you bought spicy snacks instead of the regular ones, praising his photography skills and everything else that was on your mind.

Taehyung not noticing anything gave you a more whatever attitude to it, almost as if you knew for a fact that he would never ever find them. That’s when you started to write deeper ones that sounded a little bit too much like a confession. You were talking about your fear of the future, the pressure your parents put on you, the pain of being the second child after a perfect one, how you were scared of failing in life and all the stuff you were too much of a wimp to say out loud. So many you ended up losing count and they no longer had a tiny number written in the corner.

At this point, you were running out of books. Taehyung had a good collection on his desk and shelves, piled one on top of the other without any order – but not enough for the rate you were going at. You left a note every single time you were there and able to sneak into his bedroom and caught yourself finding reasons why you had to visit just to leave another one. It was the safest way to get something out of your chest. Tae wouldn’t see it and, honestly, if he ever did, it was also ok.

“Hey!”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“What do you mean what’s up? You’re the one who called.”

Taehyung laughs.

“Actually, you never call. What is up?”

“How did the test go?”

“Did you really call just to ask how I did?”

“I wanted to know if your semester’s finally over… And if you’re free.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, right now.”

“I guess I am… I have some books to return, but that’s it.”

“Can you come over after that?”

“Sure. Do you need anything I can pick up on my way? I think I’m stopping at the convenience store for some much needed and deserved alcohol.”

He laughs again.

“You’re right, you deserve it. In that case, can you get those potato sticks I like?”

Only it wasn’t ok anymore if he saw it. Not after you wrote that one.

A whole month had passed after that day at the Art Department. You thought you had had enough time to understand what was going on – what you felt. And even after that, it was still hard to comprehend how you could let yourself fall like that.

It wasn’t like Taehyung was paying any special attention to you. He really wasn’t. He treated you just like any other friend – maybe a closer one, yes, but not that much closer. It was hard to distinguish, though. He was friendly towards everyone, always looking for ways to help.

You racked your brain. Had he ever offered to help you with something you didn’t think he would do for anyone else? Had he ever shown interest in any way? What the hell was it that made you feel this?

Maybe it was just him. Effortlessly. Just like that.

That day, instead of going with something that popped into your head right there and then, you had a plan for once. You had imagined something a little bit longer, organized the structure of it all inside your head – sentence after sentence –, but couldn’t bring yourself to write the right words even after your third try.

That was when you decided to settle for I think I’m in love with you, you idiot. You’re driving me insane. Stop that now.

“Your beloved potato,” you say to Taehyung, handing him the children’s snack as soon as he opens the door. “Can I get a thank you, you’re the best or what?”

“Thank you, you’re the best,” he repeats your words with a small smile on his lips. Inside, the butterflies want to start fluttering everywhere, but you beg them to keep quiet and still.

You smile back at him, soon entering the small living room and leaving your much lighter backpack on the floor. “Is Jimin home? I bought him some as well.”

“No, but you can leave it in the kitchen and I’ll…”

“I don’t trust you, traitor,” you interrupt, hand immediately raising to point a finger at him, eyes squeezed in suspicion as you pick the round package and start walking again. “I’ll take this to his room and hide it somewhere. Don’t you dare look for it!”

There’s a moment of silence after you move into Jimin’s slightly messy room, looking for a spot to hide the chips and soon picking up your phone from your back pocket to let him know exactly where to find them later. When you walk towards the living room again, Taehyung is seated on the sofa with his back to you, slowly moving his hand through his growing hair.

Nothing sounds out of place or any less than completely peaceful until he opens his mouth again. He waits for you – for you to be seated and comfortable and fully focused, phone forgotten inside of your back pocket.

“Why did you stop numbering them?”

You freeze.

“What?”

Your first reaction is almost immediate. Your whole body tenses, going into panic mode with the force and speed of an electric shock. Somehow, you can’t seem to disconnect your eyes from his serene ones – a complete opposite from yours.

Your brain, on the other hand, is running a million miles per hour. It wants to know and it has so many questions. When did he find out? Did he read every single note? Did he notice you had left one inside almost every book – sometimes even two or three? Where were they now?

But, most of all, had he read that one?

“Why did you stop numbering them? The notes, I mean,” Taehyung calmly asks again. He’s so composed and gentle you start to wonder what he is thinking about you now and what conclusions he has jumped to from reading all of that. “I know the exact order you left them up to a point and then I’m lost. It kind of bothers me, you were telling a good story.”

He smiles again and an invisible hand clenches your heart.

“I just…” You struggle to find the words and, when they do come, your throat feels dry and tight and like it doesn’t want to make a sound at all. You can’t face him anymore. “I lost count one day.”

“Too bad,” he admits with the same tender tone. “I was really enjoying it, you know? Your story. There are sixty-four notes in total, so I’m guessing you’ve been doing this for a long time.”

So he has read all of them.

Your palms start to sweat and your whole body grows cold all of a sudden. You let out a small cough, but your words still come out a bit too raspy. “Kind of, yeah.”

“I’m really sorry to be this blunt, but I just got to know,” Taehyung’s voice loses its cool a little and you can see his whole body reflect that, agitated, while he turns to you. His hands reach out a little, but end up halfway, resting on the sofa.

Then, his words come out like he has finally opened his brain’s tap.

“I just have to know since when you’re feeling like this. Are you still feeling like this? You wrote me a note saying you’re in love with me and I don’t know when that happened. How could you not tell me that? God, I’m so selfish. You wrote a bunch of things about feeling like you’re not enough and being scared of the future and all I can focus on is this one thing.”

You swallow, but your mouth and throat don’t become any less tight. “It’s usually a one-time thing, I don’t always feel like that. We’re all worried about the future, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” You nod. He lets out a long and staggered breath and shifts his hands impatiently. He wants to move them closer, but doesn’t know if the timing is right. “You didn’t answer my first question, though.”

You freeze again.

“It was a…” You take one deep breath, your voice as small as it has ever been, but still somewhat audible. “It was a few months ago.”

“A few months?” He repeats, voice escalating in tone, and you simply nod once again. “You should have said something. You know you should have said something, right? I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t reject you.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I got scared.”

Wait. He said what?

“What did you just say?” You repeat the words screaming inside your head.

Taehyung laughs, his easy-going demeanor back again. “You should look at yourself right now, your face is priceless.”

You really have no words. If the circumstances were any sort of normal, this would be the time you would raise your hand to pinch or straight up hit Taehyung, striking wherever part of him was closest to you. But this isn’t anywhere close to normal, so you just let your jaw hang open, your brain struggling to process the information.

“I’m going to tell you a secret, I truly never told this to anyone,” Taehyung starts, smile still plastered on his silly and flawless face. “I had a crush on you a long time ago, I think it was when we first started talking. I got over that quickly, actually, because you seemed so dead focused on being the best student and showed no interest at all. I thought it was ok, you know? At least I had you as a friend, you were a nice person to have around and I wanted to keep your company.”

And I was fine about it. Really, don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t your friend just because I wanted something more, I really love being your friend. And I was ok for a long time until I found a sticky note and then another and another and another. I couldn’t believe you left so many and I never noticed it, like, how stupid am I? I should get a prize for being this slow.”

And then there was that one note. The one you wrote about being in love with me. I swear, I… I didn’t know what to think and then it hit me like a thousand bricks and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was nervous around you again, I wanted to impress you so hard, I wanted to make you smile and happy. I honestly don’t even know how I’m still going at this without stopping, probably because I practiced. Yeah, I did.”

A few moments of silence pass before Taehyung is speaking again. “Aren’t you going to say something?”

Your dropped jaw turns into some sort of awkward smile. “Did you really practice?”

“Really?” Tae asks with an overdramatic expression. “I just said all of that and you’re asking me if I really practiced?”

You shrug. “I thought that was cute.”

“My God,” he overreacts, throwing his whole upper body towards you on the sofa. His voice comes out muffled now, but as playful as ever. “This thing only started and somehow I already know I’m doomed.”

Read more ›› masterlist

#kim taehyung #kim taehyung fluff #taehyung fluff #taehyung au #kim taehyung au #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #taehyung imagine #kim taehyung imagines #taehyung scenarios #bts one shot #bts imagines #bts fluff

416 notes · View notes

cross-d-a · 4 years ago

Note

For the give me a character ask 💕 LI CU!!!!!!!

LI CU LI CU LI CU LI CU MY BABY BOY

you know every day i ask myself: “li cu can’t be your favourite character, right? like you’d die for iron triangle and you’d kill for xiao bai and you’d give your body and soul to free princess mute, like- it can’t be li cu, right?” and then i look myself in the mirror and go: “stop lying to yourself”

WOW THIS GOT LONG SO THE REST IS UNDER THE CUT

How I feel about this character:

Might possibly be my fav dmbj dumbass. who knows. certainly not me. i just- LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH???? He sucker-punched me from the very beginning with his TEARS and his DESPERATION and his ACCUSATIONS OF KIDNAPPING. and ok he’s also a Dumb Teenage Boy and ok maybe he tries Too Hard to be a Normal Dumb Teenage Boy, like he’s going through the motions and maybe I relate a little ok idk.

And I just- adore that so much of Sha Hai is through his perspective?? Because it is very much Li Cu’s story. He’s an outsider here diving into a world we already know so well and Wu Xie is the catalyst. And really- it’s about seeing a character whom we all adore (Wu Xie) who is Hurting and Desperate and Raw (bc Xiao Ge), and he’s doing his best to fulfill a HUGE storyline but maybe he catches Feelings along the way. Maybe he adopts a son who is also Hurting but for very different reasons. And maybe it’s about seeing these two people who are lost and alone find each other in this chaos, see the good in each other, and help them find the good in themselves.

I already screamed about Li Cu’s character at you last night because I just- have So Many Feelings about him. But I think the core of Li Cu’s character really resonates with me?

It’s all about him finding a reason to live and a reason to love himself and a reason to care about himself. And it’s all about him letting others love and care about him, too.

Li Cu’s been told his whole life that he isn’t worth the air he breathes and he isn’t worth the trouble he causes. He isn’t worthy of love or sacrifice or kindness. And so much about Sha Hai is Li Cu realizing that he is.

As you pointed out so beautifully, Sierra, Wu Xie is in such an awful place, and yet he still helps Li Cu realize his worth. And, re our conversations about how Li Cu views Pingxie, Wu Xie helps Li Cu realize that that love that can a beautiful, kind thing. Painful sometimes, and so fucking hard. But it’s worth it, if you want it.

And honestly, I think a lot of the Tiger Trio is about this, too: finding a reason to live, getting out of the motions of pretending to be a Normal Teenage Boy, finding a reason to love yourself and realizing it’s okay to let others love and care and fight for you, too.

They’re already friends, but Sha Hai truly brings them together. Makes them realize they are worth it and there is someone who cares about them and will fight for them and will follow them to the fucking ends of the earth.

It’s about finding FAMILY and I fucking LOVE THAT for them!!!!

I adore our Ya Li so much I could cry (i do. i do cry)

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

You know, I wrote a little about family and love, and promptly tripped into shipping Jia Kezi/Li Cu so hard I straight up blacked out.

I also am interested in Jia Kezi/Li Cu/Li Jiale 👀👀👀 but have not explored this yet.

I have Feelings about Li Cu/Shen Qiong/Wang Can bc of @traineecryptid’s AMAZING fic 老牛吃嫩草| old cow eats young grass which I think about Often. I honestly don’t really ship straight up Li Cu/Shen Qiong, but adding Wang Can’s Chaotic Murder Element Does Things to me.

I want to ship Li Cu/Su Wan/Hao Ge but anything past Kissing and Holding Hands makes me cover my face in Embarrassed Despair bc they are my BABIES my SONS i cANT

and you already know about that One Very Specific time travel au where it’s li cu/wu xie/xiao ge i have a LOT of FEELINGS about THAT but only for that Very Specific Circumstance

I actually headcanon Li Cu as demi/bi, leaning more towards ace, bc it just?? Fits so well, in my opinion?? I don’t really wanna imagine him having Sexy Times with anyone, just Sweaty, Embarrassed, Panicky Feelings (except for that Very Specific Time Travel au but we’ve talked about this). Maybe this will change. But for now he is simply My Son and I wish him happiness in whatever form he so chooses.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

I WOULD DIE FOR THE TIGER TRIO!!! FOR ALL THE REASONS STATED ABOVE!! THEY’RE DUMB TEENAGE BOYS LEARNING TO LOVE THEMSELVES AND EACH OTHER.

I also unrepentantly would die for Shen Qiong&Wang Xiaoyuan&Li Cu&Su Wan&Hao Ge&Wang Can BROT6. I- wow. okay. Might actually write a fic about this. They are the Next Generation, learning from the Iron Triangle/HeiHua/Su Nan and they are learning from past mistakes and SURPASSING THEM and everyone is SO PROUD LOOK AT THEM GO!!!!!!!! And okay maybe let’s add some Xiao Bai in there, too, hm?

And- well. not BROTP, but it is our Classic FATHER&SON DUO LI CU & WU XIE. They are my favourite thing about Sha Hai. Full stop. They make me Feel Things and Cry. They’re what really got me into Sha Hai and the greater dmbj universe. :)

ALSO LI CU & SPIRIT SNAKE ✨ BFFS FOREVER ✨

My unpopular opinion about this character:

UHHHHH I have no idea I’ve never thought about this before UUHH ARE there unpopular opinions???

OH maybe unpopular opinion is that Li Cu is demi/bi instead of Straight Up Sweaty Gay. he’s just Sweaty bc oH NO HE’S NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE??? HE L P???

OH also maybe unpopular opinion is that he and the original Shen Qiong actually were good friends and maybe each other’s only friend until Su Wan came along.

And okay maybe this is another unpopular opinion: Li Cu did actually start falling for Shen Qiong but he’s a Confused demi who has a difficult time telling the difference between friendship and romance and also it was a Really Shitty Situation. and he’ll forever wonder if they could have been Something or just Really Good Friends and he’ll never know 🙃

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

MORE SPIRIT SNAKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I want them fighting over control of his body. I want Spirit Snake kicking ASS. I want more of those CRAZY DEAD PEOPLE VISIONS ok i have HEADCANONS about those and I think it was the SPIRIT SNAKE and not whatever the fuck Wu Xie said it was. I want Trauma, I want Reluctant Found Family, I want Li Cu letting the spirit snake take the reins of his body every so often so it can actually Live and maybe get Li Cu’s ears pierced and dress up gnc as FUCK bc the spirit snake don’t need no Stupid Human Gender. and- sierra, as you so eloquently put, Li Cu looking at himself and going “OH?” 👀 bc hELL YEAH THAT’S STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW LET LI CU BE GNC

I’m assuming we’ll get more spirit snake in Sha Hai 2, but if it’s not Leo Wu playing Li Cu I will burst into Actual Tears.

Sierra thank you for letting me cry about My Actual Son Li Cu. \(´；ω；`)/

#li cu #sha hai #tomb of the sea #dmbj #ask game #cross talks #i HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS OK #also sierra i ADORE U #HMM might take a break from these to Actually Write and then i'll get back to them!!!!!!

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aerynwrites · 5 years ago

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A Twist of Fate

Javier Peña x Reader Soulmate AU!

Author’s Note: Okay y’all, not sure how i feel about this one lol, I’m kinda on the fence about it? But I kinda like it? Idk, you guys let me know what you think! ALSO! I highly recommend listening to - Oh, What a World by Kacey Musgraves in the last half of the fic, bc it was kinda the inspiration behind this idea.

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Angst, cursing, blood, minor injury, fluff.

/////

Living in a world where soulmates are determined from the day you turn fifteen sounds like something out of a science fiction book. Yet, here you were, living it every goddamn day. Most people love it, they love the idea that there is someone out there for them. Someone that is meant for them and only them until the day they leave this earth.

Not you.

You woke up on the morning of your fifteenth birthday, a Friday if you remember correctly, and you were beyond excited to see the words appear on your wrist. The words that your soulmate would say to you the moment you met. However, as you bolted upright in bed and pulled your sleeve up your arm, you felt your heart drop when there were no words on your wrist at all. You had run, panic written all over your face, to your mother who just smiled and said that sometimes it takes a few hours to appear. Afterall, hers didn’t show up until the afternoon of her special day. Your excitement came rushing back as you continued to get ready for school, but as the day came to a close…the words were still no where to be found.

You cried yourself to sleep that night, and the nights after when words still failed to appear on your wrist. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and you finally gave up on the idea of ever seeing the fateful words on your wrist. Your friends tried to console you, your parents took you to multiple specialists, but no one could tell you why the words never appeared.

Why you didn’t have a soulmate.

Eventually you grew out of the childish hope of having a soulmate, you could find happiness elsewhere, you were sure. You threw yourself into your schoolwork, excelled in it and eventually, after college, you landed a job in the DEA. You worked there for several years, quickly becoming a senior agent and creating a name for yourself. A name that your superiors caught onto and the reason you were transferred to Colombia to help the other DEA agents take down Escobar.

That’s how you ended up here, sitting across from Steve Murphy while Javier Peña was discussing the reports of the latest take down to the ambassador. Your eyes kept glancing up at the clock, counting down the seconds until you could go home. You returned your eyes back to your paperwork and bounced your leg impatiently before casting another look at the clock a few feet away.

“What has you so worked up?” Steve huffs, taking his eyes from his desk to look at you instead.

You just shrug, not really wanting to talk about it, “Nothing. Just ready to go home is all,” you say lamely, tapping your pen against the desk absentmindedly.

Steve rolls his eyes before a shit eating grin works his way onto his face and he leans back in his chair, “Oh…” he sighs, “I bet I know what it is.”

You sit up straighter and cross your arms, “I highly doubt that Steve,” you retort, trying to get him to back off.

He just chuckles, “Oh yeah I do. I bet you and Michael have some plans, am I right?” he asks smugly.

At the mention of the man’s name, your heart drops into your stomach and a frown tugs at the corner of your lips. He was the last thing you wanted to talk about.

“No Steve, we don’t have plans,” you bite, looking away from him.

At that very moment the one man you really didn’t want to have this conversation with came waltzing back through the door, glancing between you and Steve, “Who doesn’t have plans?” Javier asks, innocently.

You wave your hand in the air, trying to dismiss the conversation, “It’s nothing Javi, Steve is just-“

“just trying to figure out why miss (y/n) over here is so anxious to leave the office,” he says teasingly, “I think it’s because she has plans with Michael – if you catch my meaning,” he says suggestively, elbowing Javier.

You see Javier clench his jaw at Steve’s words, an action that doesn’t surprise you since he never seemed to like the guy you were dating anyways, but you don’t dwell on it too long before you’re leaning across your desk and smacking Steve’s hands with a nearby folder.

“I don’t have any plans with Michael!” you say defiantly, “Now will you just fucking drop. It.” You spit out the words, irritated that your friend won’t just leave you alone.

Steve just laughs, “Oh come on (y/n), I’m just having a little fun! You’ve been together for a while, now right? I’m surprised he hasn’t dropped the question yet. Guy’s crazy about you from what I hear from the other agents,” he says casually.

You feel tears sting the back of your eyes at the mention of something that could never be, and you have to choke out a response, “Yeah, well-“ you cough, trying to hide the tears in your voice, “he dumped me last night. So, I doubt he’ll be asking ‘the question’ anytime soon,” you say bitterly, slumping back into your seat.

Javier and Steve’s eyes go wide at the news and surprisingly Javier was the one to speak up first, “he dumped you? Just like that?” he asks, bewilderment and, if you didn’t know any better, you’d say you heard a slight tinge of hope in his voice.

You don’t look at either of them, afraid that if you do, you’d burst into tears right that moment, “Yeah…” you whisper, “just like that.”

“What in the hell-“ Steve begins, but you shake your head.

“I really don’t want to talk about it guys, can we just drop it? Please?” you beg.

Steve shakes his head, apparently not hearing your plea, “That asshole…I swear to god if I see his ass I will-“

“Steve please!” you call, “He had every reason to do it.”

Javier jumps in at this point, “What possible reason could he have for just dumping you out of nowhere?”

You shake you head, eyes glancing up to the clock and realizing it was time to go, you quickly stood from your chair, desperate to avoid telling them the one thing you hated about yourself, “I’ve got to go guys” you whisper, trying to gather your things as they continue to badger you with questions within the small space of your shared office.

“did he cheat on you?” “did he get another job?”

“I just can’t believe-“

Just as you retrieved your gun from your desk drawer you slammed it shut, silencing both men as you blurted out the only thing running through your mind the entire day, “He left me because he found his soulmate! Okay?” you cry, barley holding back the tears threating to spill, “He left me for her, even thought he has no goddamn idea who she is. There! Are you happy now?” You bark out the words before turning on your heel and leaving the office, ignoring the calls of apology from your partners.

------

When you finally got back to your apartment, you dumped your stuff by the door and went immediately to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of the strongest alcohol you had. Once you poured the dark amber liquid into the glass your eyes fell to the bottle and realized that it was a gift that Michael had given you for your anniversary. As you stared at the bottle, you felt all the emotions and tears you had been holding back all day finally spill over. It felt like your heart was being torn into a million pieces – not really over Michael leaving you – but at the thought that you would probably be truly and utterly alone for the rest of your life.

You hated this. You hated the stupid tattoos on everyone’s wrists. You hated Michael. You hated his soulmate. You hated the world. At the last thought a harsh sob pulled itself from your throat just as you let out an anguished cry and threw the glass in your hand across the room, watching as it hit the opposite wall with a satisfying crash, the untouched liquid spraying across the wall and floor.

In your emotional and irrational state, the small act gave you some sense of control – a sense of satisfaction. So, without even thinking, you took the bottle in your hand next and threw it against the ground, watching as it hit the ground with a loud shatter before going silent once more. And as quickly as the satisfaction came, it seemed to leave all at once, and your tears returned full force as you leaned against the fridge and slid to the ground. You were so caught up in you thoughts that you didn’t even hear the rapid knocking on your door or the sound of it opening and footsteps rapidly approaching you until a familiar figure hovered in front of you.

“(y/n)? Jesus Christ – “ Javier’s voice spoke as he looked around you, “What the hell happened?” he asked.

You didn’t respond, you just looked blankly at the man in front of you as he grabbed your hands in his gently, moving to help you up, but he paused when his hands met yours, “Shit – you’re bleeding,” he said, tone serious yet concerned.

His words finally got your attention and you looked down to where his hands cradled yours and sure enough, the palms of your hands had a few cuts on them. Most likely from the glass scattered around you.

Javier let out a small sigh as he took in your shattered state, and he felt his heart constrict at the thought of what you must be going through. He turned away from you momentarily to retrieve the first aid kit he knew you kept under the sink. Once he had that, he tucked it under his arm before picking you up bridal style and walking you into your living room, sitting you down on the couch and taking your hands in his own once more. He started to tend to your wounds in silence, meticulously disinfecting them and wrapping a bandage around them. Neither of you said anything for a while, until he finally broke the silence.

“You’ll find them eventually you know,” he said quietly, pushing past the lump in his throat as he did.

You looked at him, a confused look on your face, “What?”

Javier sighed, “Your soulmate – you’ll find them eventually,” even if I don’t want you too.

He had to bite his tongue before the last words slipped out. He had been harboring feelings for you since the moment you walked into the embassy. He had even planned to ask you out to dinner a few weeks after you had arrived, but when you came in gushing about Michael – it crushed any hope he had of being with you. Honestly, as much as he hated to admit it to himself, he felt a little spark of hope shoot through him when you told him you and Michael had broken up. But now, as he looks at the toll it has taken on you, all he felt was guilt. So, when you let out a humorless laugh, it was his turn to be confused.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

You shook your head, another tear slipping down your cheek, and he had to restrain himself from wiping it away as you spoke, “I don’t have a soulmate Javi,” you whimpered.

He felt his eyes widen at your admission, “you what?” he asks incredulously.

This time you hold your arms out to him, palms up to show him your bare wrists. Javier looked at them in a mixture disbelief and utter elation, thumbs rubbing your wrists lightly and you sigh a little at the contact. Deep down, you had always harbored feeling for your partner, it felt like an instant connection the moment you met, but the minute you found out about his habits, you dismissed the feelings, refusing to sign up for the hurt that was sure to come from a relationship with Javier. You realized after a moment in thought that you had never said anything after Javi, his thumbs still rubbing soothingly over your wrists, waiting patiently for you to respond.

You took in a shaky breath, “The words never appeared when I turned fifteen…or the years after,” you said lowly, “We went to so many specialist, talked to different people, scoured the library and newspapers for something – anything that would explain what was happening but-“ your voice cracked, and you shrugged your shoulders, “nothing. We couldn’t even find another case of this happening to someone,” a new wave of tears poured from your eyes as sobs wracked your body, “I’m going to be alone forever Javi-“ you cry, leaning forward as he pulls you into a tight embrace, “and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it,” you finally whisper.

Javi didn’t say anything at first, weighing his words as he held your shaking form in his arms. You both stayed like that until your sobs turned into small hiccups instead, and Javi finally decided to speak up.

“That’s not true,” he said quietly, hands rubbing up and down your back slowly.

You pulled away from him slightly, wiping at your nose as you sniffled, “What?”

Javier turned his gaze to the floor, uneasiness filling his mind as he struggled to utter the words he had been wanting to tell you for years now, “You don’t have to be alone – you’re not alone (y/n).”

You looked at him confused, unsure of what to say, so Javi took this as his cue to continue. He quickly pulled up the sleeve of his jacket and took his watch off, the one you always assumed covered his soulmate tattoo, only to reveal a blank expanse of skin – exactly like yours. You let out a small gasp and your eyes immediately snap to meet his own.

“You don’t – there’s no-“ your mind is running a million miles a minute at the realization that you are, in fact, not alone in the world.

Javier just sends you a small smile, “I never got my words either,” he admits, “So I just gave up all together, used it as an excuse to throw myself into my work and sleep around. But that was only until-“ he stopped in his tracks, weary of if he should continue down this path, and possibly ruin the partnership and friendship you both had.

You looked at the man crouched in front of you expectantly, hoping, praying he would say the words you had been thinking all these years. Even when you were with Michael.

His adam’s apple bobbed as he struggled to swallow and finally spoke, “Until I met you,” he said softly.

As soon as the words left his mouth, you slid from the couch to kneel in front of him and brought your hands to the back of his neck, pulling him into a hesitant but passionate kiss. Javier was uncertain at first, wary that you were just upset – emotional from the breakup. But as soon as your lips met, as cliché as it sounded, it was like sparks flew. A fire ignited within Javier, something he had never felt with anyone he had been with before. And he eagerly retuned the kiss, his arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you up, so you were straddling him. Unfortunately, it felt as soon as you had kissed him you were pulling away, panting slightly and eyes wide as you looked down at him.

“Woah,” you both said in unison.

You let out a huff of laughter and leaned your forehead against Javier’s taking in a deep breath, relishing in the feeling if his arms around you. Your breaths mingled together as you continued to sit together, minds racing, trying to understand what you were feeling. As contradictory as it sounded, the thought that keeps crossing your mind is that you and Javi were meant for each other.

In some weird twist of fate, by neither of you having a soulmate – maybe you were soulmates. You closed your eyes as tears of relief and happiness gathered in your eyes and you finally spoke up, “I never thought that I would-“ your voice catches in your throat and Javi pulls away from you slightly, a hand cupping your cheek gently, thumb brushing away a tray tear.

“I didn’t either,” he admits quietly, a small smile adorning his face, “and then there was you.”

You let out a quiet laugh and kiss him quickly before nuzzling your face into his neck, “and then there was you,” you repeat, a contented sigh escaping your lips as you and Javi stayed in each other’s arms.

////

Permanent Tags: @lord-wolfgen @petalduck @sebastianstanslefteyebrow @stillreadingfantasy @jokersdoll @simonsbluee @justlovetoreadfics @discogrrl @maryan028 @hail-doodles @hiscyarika @theforceofdisney

Pedro Tag: @fleurdemiel145 @lustriix @yeah-boiiiiiiiiiii @longitud-de-onda @jellyfishpoptart @ah-callie @mutantsandproud @pascalisthepunkest @24kgolden @kaelyn-lobrutto24

#Javier pena x reader #pedro pascal x reader #javier peña #pedro pascal #narcos x reader #narcos #steve murphy

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zuzu-hotman · 5 years ago

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Ready To Love Pt.3 [[Zuko]]

Pairing: Zuko x Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst as always, loves.

A/N: I’m glad to see the notes on my fics, I read them and smile <3 Anyways... hope I did her justice. I didn’t want to make her a villain or too ooc. Then again, the show never gave us too much of her. I’d have done more with her and hopefully allowed her to express herself a bit too. ((Also the lyrics ive been using are from a song, but they’re out of order bc of how I want them to fit. This set is specifically tied to her, not reader))

Pt.1, Pt.2

“ Tʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɢɪᴠᴇ ʜᴇʀ, ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴇ..”

Staring blankly at the ceiling of her room is where she’d found herself stuck for hours at a time. Her face remained blank as ever but deep inside her emotions were starting to stir up. Deep inside she began to hurt- the kind of hurt that can sometimes be hard to mask or ignore.

Not that that fact stopped her from doing it. She’d be damned if she allowed herself to falter.

She hadn’t expected her words to really push him to make such a choice. To this extent of utter betrayal- if she was honest, she’s not sure what she expected. She only knew what she hoped for and she hated that she allowed herself to do something so stupid.

Hope? That’s something Ty Lee would do. She is not Ty Lee. Not by a long shot- yet she still did something so foolish. She still had hoped he’d turn around- come to his senses and realize.. realize what? Who was she to say what he should feel when she couldn’t even control what she felt? She wanted to be angry, wanted to just.. gut punch him the next time she saw him.

Sure, she’s the one that pushed him away but.. she wanted a different outcome. She just wanted... something else- but she also wanted him to not be so miserable. It was clear he wasn’t happy here. It was clear he had many regrets in regards to how he was able to come back.

She wanted him to be happy- she didn’t want to be used.

What she got in return was some stupid letter- just some dumb letter. All this time spent- all this nonsense. Years spent wishing he’d be allowed back home or that he’d at least speak to her without anyone else around and all she gets is a letter.

She gets this and what does the other girl get? Some low-class peasant not even of full Fire Nation blood? She gets to be around him- be with him if the circumstances are right.

She wants to be angry at them both- but is it right to? Is any of this right?

She continues to question herself as the time passes. Even as she gets a golden opportunity to tear right into him- to go off- to have him suffer.

“I’m sorry.”, he says, gently so. “I shouldn’t have- it was never my intention to hurt you like that. To just.. use your feelings. I thought I was where I was supposed to be.”

She makes a face, “Yeah. Your letter sounds so very sorry. You betrayed the nation for one peasant-”

“I didn’t betray my nation! I’m saving it- it’s not just about you or her and.. she’s not a peasant.”, his last words hit her harder. He didn’t say them any different. He was just quieter. Defensive. “Even if she was, it would mean that a peasant has more class than any of us.”

That stung a bit- if only because she wanted to be the one he defended so passionately. To be truly loved by him... what must that feel like.. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”, she says, “You betrayed her too. You’re just full of bad choices.”

It was a low blow and she knew it. It almost hurt her to say it but she was so angry-

“I know. I’m trying to right them. Even if I don’t get what I’m hoping for.”

“You think fixing them by hurting others is what will work? You-”

“I’m not trying to hurt anyone! I haven’t hurt anyone else back there but you and I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you face to face. I’m sorry all you got was a piece of paper. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I was wrong to do what I’ve done! I’ve been wrong for a long time but I’m trying! I know just apologizing isn’t enough but right now I have other things to deal with! This war is literally life or death for the whole world!”, he takes in a deep breath, “Mai. I really am sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have gone out with you when I knew deep down it wasn’t what I truly wanted. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”

She had to turn away from him, to look away to readjust the mask she kept constantly. It couldn’t fall, not here and now. She’s silent for a bit before speaking again, “You better right things with her or I’ll never forgive you.”

She had said it quietly, and continued to speak it though a guard had burst through the door. She can’t be sure if he heard her or not, even though the look he gave her as he shut the door held the answer.

Mai had made her decision. It was final and clear. Enough to shock a friend she thought held her dear.

Azula was starting to derail- she couldn’t see what she was becoming.

“You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

“No you miscalculated! You should have feared me more!”, she shouts, readying for an attack, “He doesn’t even love you- you dare betray me for something so shallow?! He’s all about that peasant!”

“I know. I’ll get over it eventually.”

Mai braces herself, readying a counter attack despite knowing Azula’s bending is more powerful. Azula has always been precise- she shot the Avatar down without blinking. She-

A raw gasp broke through her inner thoughts.

Ty Lee.

“C’mon we gotta get out of here!”

It was no use though. Guards surrounded them instantly. They would be prisoners for now, thrown into the farthest cell away from Azula. Mai wanted to say it hurt, crazy or not, Azula was once her friend. However Azula is not who she was. Her use of fear wasn’t right or fair.

It hurt, but not as badly as it should- at least not on her end..

Three long nights. Zuko had left for three long nights and something had told you it wasn’t for food. Deep in your gut you knew it wasn’t. He wouldn’t have looked at you like that the night before he left if it was just some trip. His absence gave you time to think. To be a bit more rational- calmer, in deciding if you even want to hear him out. He’d tried to do so a few times before he left, but in your anger you ignored him.

What if you never saw him again? What if this was just a trip, would you feel differently? Or were you looking for a reason to justify talking to him. A reason better than simply wanting to.

You couldn’t deny you were weak for him.

When he finally returned, you learned he traveled to a high security prison with Sokka. To find his Dad and within that time he’d also found his girlfriend Suki.

Something like that could not be fake- risking your own life in a high security prison- in a nation you betrayed.. for someone you’d only just grown to be friendly with?

Zuko was changing, you felt it. You had pure proof of it and oh how you begged for it to be true. To be hurt a third time? There would be no coming back from it.

“Zuko.”, you whisper while he stands off to the side.

He flinches but turns to look at you. Shock covers his face,”..yes?”

“...Let’s talk..”, you say, and finally, you reach for him. You lightly but hesitantly take his wrist. He lets you lead him to wherever you need to go.

In all the happy reunions, no one notices you two disappearing into the night.

“ Bᴇғᴏʀᴇ I ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ, ᴡɪʟʟ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ?”

Pt.4

#zuko #zuko x reader #zuko x you #atla zuko #firelord zuko #zuko fic #atla fic #prince zuko #ready to love #ari writes #oooops #i hope this was good #<3

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thechampagnecircus · 3 years ago

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Monday, Monday

In the words of Loverboy, Everybody’s workin’ for the weekend. While that is true, I try to abide by the philosophy that everyday is special. Everyday has a story. Given the schedule that my family and I have, the weekends are definitely the highlight. The headliner, the crème de la crème, the tops. They are filled with the pleasure of social get-togethers, the ease of relaxation, cheat meals, spontaneity, champagne, and shenanigans. Therefore, those Friday nights and Saturdays are cherished and delightfully anticipated. But that doesn’t mean that the rest of the week has to be a total snooze fest, debbie downer slog. There is just a hierarchy. That is reality. The enticing mirage of the weekend in the desert of an otherwise boring, busy or hard week can absolutely keep us motivated. But the truth be told, every day is a blessing. I have found that the best way to avoid feeling in a rut, is planning, scheduling and getting organized. I know you are probably trembling with excitement over such a statement, but hear me out.

My eyes slowly open as the last whisper of the weekend slips away into memory and it’s Monday morning. The most hated of all week days. This makes me feel bad for some reason as if a day of the week can feel sad or bullied. I don’t care how many influencers, beachbody coaches, or new age pushers I hear saying Mondays are a clean slate, a new day, I love Mondays -I don’t buy it. HOWEVER, it has turned into my day to organize the week, which I do enjoy. There is still that disheartening feeling of the weekend being far off in the distance. It reminds me of clips in movies where someone looks down a hallway only for it to grow longer and longer, like a loop they cannot close. But the irony and truth is, as the day progresses that daunting perception in fact, gets smaller and smaller.

I make my breakfast; egg whites, rice cakes with peanut butter and honey, and some fruit. The Nespresso is revving up like a spaceship getting ready to launch into oblivion. The frothy coffee begins to slip into the cup below, releasing the intoxicating smell of mocha and my brain is eager for those first sips. Besides champagne, coffee is the second nectar of the gods. The yin and yang of coffee and wine, truly do balance out this girl’s world. Once the machine has finished its magical brew of caffeinated delight, I grab my favorite mug that is now warm with hope. All you middle aged people know what I mean. You have a favorite stove burner, pan, spatula, cutlery, etc. Don’t deny it. Mugs are no different. Mine is a white one with black speckles that is adorned with the emblem of a BC winery known as The Hatch. It is reminiscent of a traditional camping mug. It is stout and wide and perfect for a cup o’ joe.

After I have eaten, and half my java has been consumed, my synapses are now beginning to fire. I take out my laptop to get my week in order. I type in my password, and we are off. I have just recently evolved to a digital organizer. The stubborn old woman inside me is still a skeptic. I am very old school and a sucker for the traditional leather bound organizer that you write in, wait for it, with a PEN. My shopping lists are still done manually, and I don’t know if that will ever change. I’m only 35 but I can feel some crotchety and unshakeable tendencies forming already. I own them. The app that I use is called Opus One. I tried a few others before settling on this one and it works great. It is not just its functionality but also the motif of a conventional planner that sold me. There is still the flicker of analog within me that will never die. I do still have my physical calendar hanging on the wall, which gets some love, with jotted things here and there. However, Opus One is where I do the brunt of all my scheduling now.

This all stems from the fact that I am a prolific note taker; always have been, always will be. I thrive on making to-do lists. Sometimes I have to-do lists within my to-do lists like a nesting doll of agendas. It really can get out of hand. There is something about the act of writing everything down and mapping it out that calms even the busiest of days. And don’t get me started on crossing things off. It reminds me of the memes; Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever crossed every item off your to-do list? Honestly, such a great feeling. The accomplishment, motivation and boost of productivity are invigorating. If I am to be completely candid, even if I forget to put something I have done on my list, I will add it at the end and cross it off. Just for good measure. Ok, you’re probably thinking, this chick is crazy. You might be right, but give it a try, you’ll see.

The average week is filled with household chores, errands, appointments, workouts, family events, social engagements, writing, self care, meal planning, occasion preparations, job searches etc. Nothing earth shattering here. I live a wonderfully mundane yet lovely life. Some weeks are busy and some are slow. I relish every moment, even when I don’t realize it because I have been sucked into a negative place. But I find the act of laying out your days ahead can focus your energy on getting things done while looking forward to the fun stuff. We might be working for the weekend, but we aren’t living for it. Every day is a story, embellish it. xx

#styleaddict #writing therapy #manic monday #monday #organization #yycwriter #personal diary

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years ago

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an anon's comments on 'heartbeat' and 'headless'

🤍 anon here. I finished reading ‘heartbeat’ and ‘headless’ ( not me calling the latter heartless in the og ask …💀)

I absolutely loved the fics. I loved to see how perceptive they were to oc, jk and yg noticed oc in one of her manic episodes, and understood that something was wrong. ( her being afraid to say how she feels and her being afraid of her own mind) They did so in their own way bc of the difference in their relationship dynamics with oc. The parallels between yg ( ‘I only give you want you want’) and jk ( ‘I only do the things you like’.) The use of the words: need, want and like. The ‘I love you’s’.

And my favourite lines “ even things you do for yourself can hurt you.” and “ I am here for all the versions of you, good or bad, sad or mad, fallen apart or all in one piece.”

Sorry for the word vomit, I’m not sure anything I wrote made sense. But there aren’t enough words for me to describe how much I love and relate to the fics. This might be tmi, but the manic episodes I experience are a result of escaping, where my entire being is obsessively engaged into something I lose the concept of time, and neglect some of my basic needs. Where I feel euphoric in these high’s and crash with the lowest of lows… again just, thank you for sharing. I don’t feel like the only one, I don’t feel crazy

P.s. From another fellow intj 💕

P.s.s. The smut was great as always lol, you just have a way with words and inspire me 🤍

I'm glad someone noticed the differences in word choice / language they use (which is purposeful, of course XD).

Your favorite lines are based on two things.

1) "Even the things you do for yourself can hurt you" - based on two lines that have been written in my Notes app for years now: I am not afraid of anything but myself. No one can hurt me as badly as I can. I honestly can't remember when I wrote that, but ever since then I often think about it. My worst enemy is always myself. People can say whatever they want about me, but the only one who says the things that are actually accurate and truly painful is, well, me. And, yes, sometimes when I'm doing something and I insist, "This is for me," I know I am ignoring the self-destructive nature of it. I know. And I do it anyway.

2) This is a reference to BiBI's song, 'BAD SAD AND MAD'. This song is about BDSM and addiction to pain. The lyrics are pretty haunting despite the playful melody. Her live performances of this song are absolutely stellar. This song and the entire album is about a toxic relationship. Of course, you're on here, so you know there are often BDSM elements in my work and in the head+heart series. However, the toxic relationship that I'm referring to is to myself more than someone else, because the head+heart au is less the BTS members themselves but more like... the voices of reason in my head?

I mean, all the stories on here are fictional versions of them, so in a sense... they're all just voices in my head.

So, does that make me crazy?

"What good is it to chase shadows?"

"... falling in love over and over..."

This is the shit I think about sometimes and I don't think there's really an answer to it.

Yeah, I feel you re: the mania episodes. When I'm absorbed in something, I am absolutely unstoppable. I feel like I've created something that's the peak of my ability and that feeling is amazing. I don't even realize I'm going to crash until I'm there and, even at the low, I'm there convincing myself I'm totally fine, except I'm obviously not if I am honest and observe my behavior.

It is much better than years ago, but, alas, I have a ways to go.

Thanks for reading! I honestly thought nobody would care (lol) considering they are a bit specific to my experience as a writer, but I tried to make them more general (and you all don't need to know everything I'm going though mentally... o_o)

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canongf-archive · 4 years ago

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HI LIV! im so glad u liked those imagines for luke, bc I HAVE MANY MORE (literally most of these are imagines I play out with my f/os bc i am THAT romantically starved)

1. COOKING WITH HIM! maybe you both set aside time to have a nice dinner and spend quality time together, so u help him out in the kitchen! reading recipes, bickering over how much of an ingredient you should add, him guiding your hands while you cut up a pepper and holding u towards his chest...Yeah.

2. SPA DAYS! having matching robes, wearing face masks, painting his nails, taking a shower together the whole shibang!

3. MOVIE NIGHTS!!!! him setting out a space on the couch with blankets and pillows, taking you to get your favorite snacks n telling you that you can get whatever you want!!!! curling up to him n watching a rom com together (or buddy cop movie I feel like that’s very Him too)

and now *cracks knuckles* im gonna go crazy about erik. i have this cute au where Erik stays with the xmen (mostly bc i think erik looks SO good in his xmen uniform i go bananas at that scene) so that leaves me to think about: him getting back to xaviers late and curling up on the couch where i am bc he’s tired and just wants to not think for a moment. so he wraps me up in his arms n doesn’t let me go for a solid hour until i realize he has definitely fell asleep

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BUCKY! this is INCREDIBLY late bu tell him to take it easy tho, we don’t want him in a nursing home :)! all jokes aside, I hope y’all have a great one! i know he will when he has you by his side :) —🥮

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE !!!!! 💗 I AM SIMPLY!!! SMITTEN WITH ALL OF THESE !!!!!

the way i’m about to adopt these 3 imagines and run them on a loop in my head for the next several months... i ADORE them!!!

cooking with him!!! putting on music to inspire us... singing along, using wooden spoons as microphones to make each other laugh... navigating each other in the kitchen... him doing that thing where he puts a hand on my the small of my back and says something like “i’m grabbing something behind you”... starting a little food fight with each other that leads to him just grabbing me and spinning me around... feeding each other!!!!!

spa days!!! showering together... washing each others hair... huddling in close so that we can both get the hot water... wrapping up in towels / robes after... sitting on the counter and having him slot himself between my legs so i can put a clay mask on his face... him doing the little nose scrunch because it’s cold... him offering to give me a massage!!!

movie nights!!! our favorite take out, popcorn, candy, a couple of beers... my legs in his lap, my head on his shoulder, a blanket over the both of us... laughing at lines, repeating them to each other... pausing the movie to make commentary like we are our own MST3K... i think you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, a buddy cop movie DOES feel like him!!! we’d start with the nice guys and then perhaps he’d finally convince me to watch lethal weapon. and i’d doze off on him on the couch and he’d carry me to bed...

WHEW. ALL OF THESE!!! THE POSSIBILITIES!!! i am simply. weak. they are so good and to think of them with LUKE!!! even better. i am so grateful that you put them in my head. thank you, thank you, thank you!!! 💗💗💗

your Erik thoughts... absolutely exceptional... first off i am obsessed with the fact that you created an AU mostly because you like the uniform he wears like... be the change you wish to see. canon is YOURS, you might as well give yourself what you like!!! why NOT !!!

and then... the thought of him wrapping you up in his arms like that!!! like!!! the thought of him being so tired both emotionally and physically that truly the only thing he cares about doing is being close to you, and he feels so safe and comforted in that position with you that he is able to actually fall asleep... that is Love!!! and i feel like i say that every time but it’s because it’s true every time!!! what you and Erik have... it is such raw and genuine love and i truly. cannot get enough.

ALSO!!!!! BUCKY SAYS THANK YOU!!!!! he has been feeling the love and he looks better than any 104 year old i have ever known in my life!!! and honestly, with some of the things he has to put up with and has had to put up with in his long life, i’m sure a nursing home doesn’t sound all that bad to him sometimes... but!!! he has far too much fight left in him for that !!!

!!!!! thank you for stopping by, my sweet!!!!! i love you lots, i hope you never forget!!!!! 💗

#long post #WHEW DON'T MIND ME JUS RAMBLIN!!!#ask: about luke #ask: about bucky #ask: other ships #other ships: erik lehnsherr #anonymous: 🥮

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faulty-writes · 5 years ago

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Okay, feel free to queue this for the time being, but I gotta send this in before my dumb-dumb brain forgets about it! A soulmate AU scenario: pro-hero Mirio moves in a house that's supposed to be haunted and finally meets his soulmate! The ghost. (she has a physical form btw). But she doesn't care if she is his soulmate, she wants him OUT. She throws things, torments Tamaki when he's over, and tries t keep Mirio awake at night. She died a year ago bc of villains and tells Mirio he's 'too late'.

[ I thought of Ghost Princess from Adventure Time when I first read this. Anyone else love Adventure Time? Definitely one of my favorite cartoons of all time. ]

Ever since graduating from U.A. Mirio had made quite the name for himself and he hoped he was making Sir Nighteye proud. Of course, he had taken the man’s words to heart. That he’d be the greatest hero there ever was and he wouldn’t let those expectations down! Of course, he did have the option of taking over Sir Nighteye’s Agency. However, he just didn’t have the heart. Instead, he had floated the idea of opening a new Agency to his friends Tamaki Amajiki and Nejire Hado. Though Nejire seemed on board, downright excited for a chance at owning an Agency with her friends.

Tamaki took a little more convincing, though Mirio understood why. Tamaki was close with Fat Gum and Kirishima in the current Agency he worked at. But eventually, everyone had to move on, right? Of course, he had given Tamaki some time to think it over. But in his head, he continued to picture The Big Three Agency. Though the three of them had only been Pro Heroes for about a year before pulling their money together and buying a building that was outside of Tokyo.

Of course, Mirio was already high in the ranks so he had a little more money to spare. He wanted to be close to his newly under maintenance Agency and decided to buy a house near the location. Given, the realtor seemed intent on trying to convince him to buy something else. He brushed it off, “Aw, come on! It could use some work sure! But that’ll just give me something to do on my off time!” he insisted, the house was rather big. Not so much a mansion, but a fairly decent size for Mirio’s taste.

Given it had cobwebs, some broken boards and the rooms could use some serious work. He looked at it as a friendly challenge, of course, there was one thing that he didn’t count on. His newly bought house was haunted or so the rumor went, Mirio wasn’t entirely sure if he believed in such things. Then again, in a world full of quirks and plenty more mysteries to be had. Maybe he shouldn’t push down the idea so quickly. Still, the first few nights during his stay at his new home were a little eerie.

He heard the house give a few creaks almost as if it were settling, sometime in the middle of the night he swore he heard whispers and doors opening. At first, he thought it was nothing more than his imagination. Until one day he had gotten up in the night to use the bathroom and saw a white glowing figure, he gasped and quickly rubbed his eyes. However, when he looked again the figure was gone. “Hm, that’s kind of weird. Guess I’m sleeper than I thought!” he said, though over the course of a month. He continued to see the figure and the noises he heard seemed to grow louder with each passing night.

The truth was, these occurrences were because of you and the fact was, you didn’t like that Mirio had budded into your territory. This was your home, this was your resting place and you’d be damned if you’d let someone else take that away from you. So, one day you had decided you had enough and when Mirio was sleeping. You began to administer your haunting. It was so easy, he was practically a sitting duck. Though you thought he looked almost peaceful as he laid there. But that wouldn’t stop you.

You began to rattle the furniture around him, the lamp, bed, and closet shook simultaneously. Making Mirio’s sleeping figure stir, you growled. This wasn’t enough, so you increased your power. The closet door slammed shut and Mirio jolted up, “Huh!? What’s going on?” you hadn’t decided to appear in front of him yet. But you did raise your hand, making his blanket fly across the room. His bed continued to violently shake as though there was an earthquake and Mirio stumbled to try and get up, but he ended up falling to the floor with a loud crash.

“Ah!” he cried out, groaning as he pushed himself onto his knees. He looked around, his eyes wide and fearful as he saw the various items shaking and dancing towards him. You loved the sense of fear that dripped off of him and slowly appeared before him. Your feet floating above the floor and your hair flowing behind you, there was a white glow to you though Mirio would be able to see straight through your transparent body. “Get out.” you hissed and Mirio’s head immediately turned to face you, his jaw-dropping further as he settled his eyes on you.

Yet, his trembling came to a stop. You could see your own reflection in his blue eyes which seemed to sparkle with something. “Wow…” Mirio whispered before slowly standing on his feet, he took a step toward you. “A-Am I dreaming?” he questioned and you raised your eyebrow, “GET OUT.” you repeated, your eerie voice echoing through the room. Mirio however, seemed unphased. His eyes never leaving you, what was he so fascinated with!? A smile was across his face and his hand reached out, almost as if he wanted to touch you.

“Y-You’re so beautiful,” he said and for a moment, you felt some form of warmth wash over your otherwise cold atmosphere. But it was cut short when your eyes turned red and you sent the lamp flying towards the blond. However, the last thing you expected was for the lamp to pass right through him. Your eyes went wide and you floated back. “What is this!?” the demand came out as a hiss and for a moment, you wondered if he was a ghost as well. But that was impossible, you had seen him with the realtor. You had seen the news stories about him whenever he watched television.

He was some sort of hero, you knew that and such a thing only further angered you. “Hm?” Mirio blinked and soon a chuckle left his lips, “How dare you mock me!” you screamed, your ghostly form morphing into something hideous. Your eyes remained red and your fingers grew into almost jagged claws. The whole room shook as you focused all your energy. Mirio frowned and you partly wondered if he had realized how badly he fucked up. But it was a little too late and you watched in satisfaction as the force of your power knocked him off his feet.

You watched him fly across the room, straight through a wall that he had worked ever so hard to repair. But you felt nothing, he deserved it. With that, you disappeared once more. However, unknown to you. Mirio had felt something when he set his eyes on you and though it didn’t make sense, he immediately knew. He had heard stories, each person in this world destined for a soulmate and some were lucky to find their other half. He never thought it would happen to him, much less in this way.

He had gotten injured when you threw him through the wall and for a short moment, Mirio was struggling with his own beliefs. Did what occur truly happen or was it simply a bad nightmare? Were you a villain? Were you a ghost or you were simply using a quirk? He wasn’t sure, but when he told Nejire and Tamaki. They seemed to go white in the face. “T-That doesn’t s-sound g-good, M-Mirio.” Tamaki said and Nejire nodded, bringing her hands up. “Yeah! Didn’t you hear those nasty rumors regarding that house? Why the heck did you think buying it was a good idea!?” she exclaimed and Mirio only shrugged.

“I mean, it was close to the Agency,” he explained, and both his friend's sigh. “A-Are you h-hurt?” Tamaki questioned and Mirio shrugged. “Not really, I didn’t expect them to have such power. But if you saw how beautiful they were! You’d probably be just as memorized.” he said and Nejire immediately began waving her arms. “Oh no, I am not going to a haunted house! Too scary!” she declared as she crossed her arms and then Mirio turned to Tamaki who felt his stomach drop. “W-What-” before Tamaki could even speak, Mirio had grabbed his hands.

“Come on, Tamaki! You gotta help me! Stay the night or come over one day! Maybe they’ll appear before you too! I kind of want to know if it’s just me or if I’m crazy. Please!?” he begged and Tamaki groaned, of course, he’d do anything for his friend. But this was a little extreme, he didn’t like the idea of going to a haunted house. Much less see this thing that happened to attack Mirio and throw him through a wall. But, like many other times in his life. He felt as though he had no choice and that he didn’t have the courage to say no.

So with a deep sigh, he hung his head low. “Fine,” he said and gasped when Mirio pulled him into a hug. “Thank you so much Tamaki!” he exclaimed before pulling away, his hands on the shy boy’s shoulders. “Don’t worry! I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” he promised, though somehow Tamaki knew better than to believe in Mirio’s words. Sure he looked up to him and he still believed the man shined brighter than the sun. But ever since they were children, the things Mirio dragged him into caused some rather bad results.

Still, at the end of the workday. Tamaki left with Mirio and nearly fainted when he stepped through the doors of Mirio’s house. He had an eerie feeling and his stomach twisted into knots, “Come on! I’ll make us some food!” Mirio insisted and though Tamaki was hesitant, he agreed. Though he couldn’t help shake the feeling that someone was watching him. The evening was peaceful, but when the sun began to set. Tamaki began to experience odd phenomenons. It was small, like how his coffee cup had moved from the position on the table he had originally placed it.

How his jacket was suddenly thrown across the room, he was a shaking mess by the time he felt someone’s fingers brush across his body. But the final straw was when something flew across the room at him, shattering against his body. “M-Mirio! I c-can’t!” there were tears in his eyes and it was clear he was close to having a panic attack. Mirio frowned and tried to pull his friend into a hug, but Tamaki pushed him away. “I d-don’t know what g-going on, b-but maybe you s-should listen to t-this...g-ghost, t-this demon! W-Whatever it is and l-leave! I-It’s clearly n-not nice!” he failed to notice that during his panicked rambling your figure had appeared behind him.

You were floating in midair as always. Mirio’s worried expression faded when he saw you, once more that sparkle appeared in his eyes and a smile came across his face. Though you were wearing an annoyed expression, it was bad enough having Mirio invade your peace. But now he had a friend? Tamaki as you came to understand his name was. That wouldn’t do. “W-What are you looking a-at?!” the dark-haired boy demanded before turning around.

You grinned and shifted into your more menacing form, watching as all the color drained from Tamaki’s face before you let out a threatening growl that sounded like it was from the depths of hell itself. The satisfying sound of his scream was like music to your ears and despite Mirio’s best efforts to try and stop Tamaki, the utterly anxiety-ridden boy from running out the door. He didn’t care about leaving Mirio behind, in fact, the only thing he seemed to care about at that moment was running as far away from the dangerous situation as possible.

Mirio frowned and turned back to you, “That wasn’t very nice.” he replied, though he was normally happy and bubbly. He was also a hero and he didn’t hesitate to put people in their place when he needed to. You merely laughed at his words, returning to your normal state. “You’re next.” you threatened and while Mirio was still mad at your antics from earlier. Your efforts to scare him off during the middle of the night seemed all in vain.

In fact, it seemed that Mirio was more or less used to your hauntings now. Which in a way annoyed you, but not as much as the fact that he tried to strike up a conversation with you. “Sunshine, I know you’re not going to believe this. But I feel something between us, it’s kind of weird. But well,” he paused and rubbed the back of his head, sitting up in his bed. You were floating in front of him and clearly, you weren’t happy. The light that you produced illuminated the otherwise dark surroundings, “Can I ask how you died? How long have you been...here?” he questioned and you growled, once more your eyes turning red. “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HERO!” you snapped before disappearing, leaving Mirio dumbfounded.

It was no surprise that you didn’t want to share the facts behind your death with anyone, but somehow or another. You had grown so used to Mirio’s presence the hatred you once felt seemed to melt. Which you found strange, but instead of haunting him at night. You would watch him sleep and you began to get eager when he left, just waiting for him to return to you once more. Mirio seemed happy by your reaction, but somehow he just knew you’d get along with him. However, you still kept your guard up and found yourself being a little envious of the stories Mirio began to share with you. But what bothered you the most is the day Mirio came home, excited beyond anything.

Apparently, he had moved up on the hero board, taking the number two spot and for the following weeks, it's all he seemed to talk about. You had quickly gotten sick of hearing it, yes being a hero was wonderful. But hearing him talk about his accomplishments made you angry. You too had done some great things when you were alive, in fact, you loved being a hero. Yet, the world cursed you with death and you had to watch as others accomplished the dream you wanted. "I still can't believe it! I mean, someone like me the number two hero in the world! It's just incredible-" you growled and snapped your head in his direction.

Your hair whipping around like fire and your eyes burned with anger. "WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?" you finally snapped, objects that were once peacefully resting on the tables and shelves now shot across the room. Pieces of glass scattered on the floor and Mirio’s eyes widened, you didn’t care if you had surprised or shocked him. It was a miracle that he had finally stopped talking. “I am sick,” you began with a hiss, “of hearing you and your hero stories! Do you think I enjoy hearing about your success when I cannot leave this property!?” you snapped. You could swear you heard Mirio swallow, was he nervous?

Your shoulders dropped and a sigh left your lips. Mirio still looked shocked and there was a hurt expression on his face. Somehow, you hated seeing that. “Sorry,” you muttered before floating to his side, giving the illusion that you were sitting next to him on the couch. “No…” Mirio said, his voice soft. “I should be sorry, sunshine. I didn’t mean to make you angry,” he said, hanging his head low. You heard a sniff come from the man and watched him wipe his nose. Damn, did you make him that upset? You wanted to reach out and touch him if only your hand didn’t phase through him.

“Look...you...um,” you struggled to find the words and rubbed the back of your head. “I guess I just got...angry because...because hearing all your success stories just makes me think back to when I was a hero and I...loved it.” you began and watched as his head turned to face you. “Y-You did?” he questioned, yet again reaching up to wipe his nose and you nodded. “Yes...but I met my untimely death at the hands of a villain. It was during an important mission, we were scouting out the whereabouts of an underground lab where they were doing involuntary experiments on quirk users.” the memory flashed clear as day before your eyes. “I made the mistake of letting my guard down and…” you took a staggered breath and squeezed your eyes shut.

“You don’t have to say it,” Mirio whispered, reaching his hand out only for it to phase through you which made him frown. “Even if you are...just in another form of life, you are still my soulmate and...I still want to be with you and have your heart,” he said and your eyes snapped open. “What…” you hissed, anger filling you once more and Mirio looked confused. “Did I say something wrong?” he questioned and you growled before the room grew cold. “You dare mock me with such words?!” before Mirio had the chance to speak again, his body flew back. Hitting the opposite wall and objects began to swirl around him.

“S-Sunshine, what are you doing!?” you didn’t answer him and over the course of the next few days, you tormented the man. Broke almost every possession he had, kept him up with terrifying noises at night, and smiled in satisfaction when you saw how physically drained he was. Maybe now he’d give up. But once more you were proven wrong when he came home from work one day and you resumed your torment routine, but this time when the objects came flying at him. They phased right through him and you growled, damn him and his quirk. “Listen, I’ve been thinking,” he began, “maybe I said the wrong thing. But I don’t regret it and like it or not. You are my soulmate, I know you are. I feel it in here.” he placed his hand to his heart.

“Huh?” you paused, “It doesn’t matter what you do to me because I love you.” your eyes widened, what!? How could he still feel that way after everything you had done to him?! Done to his friend!? This was...bullshit in its purest form. “You are a liar! You cannot love what is not there! I do not exist in this world! People do not believe in ghosts and I will never love you.” once more you watched that hurt expression come across his face but you ignored it as you disappeared into thin air. You didn’t reappear, deciding it was best to enjoy some solitude. You could hear the pipes rattle when Mirio got up to take his shower and the sound of doors opening and closing. You hadn’t realized just how quiet it was without him.

A few days later, Mirio had left as usual and hours later, you waited for the sound of the front door to come when he returned. However, the house remained silent. You tried to shrug it off at first, much like you had done before when you realized you actually enjoyed his presence. But as the hours continued to go by, somehow you knew something was wrong. You phased through the floors to look for him, but he wasn’t in the kitchen, nor the living room or in any of the other rooms. Where the hell was he? Was he hanging out with his friends or something? You tried to ignore the jealous feeling that came over you. Perhaps it was because you were dead, but whenever Mirio was around you felt a certain sense of warmth. It almost made you feel alive but you didn’t want to fully believe it, you didn’t want to believe Mirio was your soulmate.

You growled, curling your hands into fists and released your energy, much like always. Objects flew around you, which included the remote. You hadn’t expected it to collide with the television and ironically enough it turned on, “Oh, what the hell!?” you exclaimed, irritated as the rather boring chatter of the news echoed in the empty house. You let out a sigh and pressed two fingers to your temple, shaking your head. “Where is he…” you muttered to yourself and as if the television had actually heard you, the name ‘Lemillion’ was mentioned and you immediately turned your head.

Watching the news banner flash before the screen. You quickly scanned it before focusing on the news anchor. ‘That’s right folks! Just recently promoted, Lemillion the number two hero in the world has done it yet again. Stopping not only one, but two villainous gangs from performing an illegal drug shipment. Though our favorite hero was injured during this mission, we’re told he’s in stable condition. Later details when they come’ your jaw hung open and though you hadn’t realized it, your hands were clenched to your chest.

He was in the hospital? “Dammit!” you snapped, the room slowly icing over as your negative emotions made the temperature drop. Now more than ever you wished you hadn’t gotten killed, you wished those villains hadn’t ended your life, you wished you had never taken on that stupid mission. Is a hero truly supposed to sacrifice themselves like this? You were a great hero and yet even after your death, you were quickly forgotten.

Tossed alongside as new heroes rose through the ranks, just a forgotten relic that even the history books wouldn’t document. You hunched over, your body trembling before you let out a shriek. The sound of glass shattering filled the house, but you didn’t care. This...this wasn’t fair! The world hadn’t changed at all and Mirio...as kind and sweet as he was couldn’t see that and it might just mean his death.

The house was in ruins by the time Mirio returned, “Sunshine, I’m home-” his expression dropped as he saw the damage you had done. Tables overturned, furniture ripped to shreds, pieces of glass everywhere, even the walls had deep scratches on them. “Y/n!?” he called as he stepped inside, trying his best to avoid the glass. “Y/n!? Where are you? What happened!?” he demanded as a frown spread across his lips, why did you do this? Was it because he was gone too long? He felt a sense of guilt fill him before he heard a sigh coming from behind him. Immediately he whipped around to see you floating there, your head hanging low and your eyes avoiding him.

“Y/n! What happened?” he asked once more, trying to keep calm. It would take him weeks to clean this up and possibly get new furniture. “You were gone for too long,” you replied, your voice soft and an almost childish tone accompanied it. Mirio stepped closer to you, his arms spread out. “So you did do this, all of this?” he said as he used his arms to signify the mess around him. You kept quiet for a moment before slowly raising your head to look at him, “You shouldn’t sacrifice yourself like that.” you commented and Mirio grew confused. “Huh?” he replied and you growled in frustration, your body moving on its own as you tried to push against his chest. But, of course, your arms went right through him.

He raised his eyebrow, “W-Were you trying to push me?” he questioned and you wanted to let out a scream, but instead, you snapped. “Why did you do that!? Sacrifice yourself for people that don’t care!?” your voice echoed through the room and Mirio took a step back, his eyes wide. “What’s going to happen if you die!? Hm? You think dying is fun!? You think any hero who loves what they do and risks so much is actually going to be remembered in the end!?” you continued, jabbing your finger in his direction. “Well, they aren’t! I was a great hero too! One of the best in my class and yet...yet when I died no one remembered me! I was buried along with every other wannabe hero in existence! Forgotten!” you exclaimed, if you were alive surely there would be tears streaming down your face but ghosts didn’t have that ability. Perhaps it was the curse of being dead, you could feel emotions yes but physical aspects like crying were impossible. But you felt a deep sadness nonetheless.

Mirio blinked, “I-Is that what you really think?” he questioned, his shoulders dropping. Well, no wonder you were so sad, someone needed to tell you that you mattered! So instead, he tried to smile. “That’s not true! Maybe certain people will forget you. But a great hero always lives on! No matter what you believe, someone out there. Heck, I’m sure lots of people still remember you! I bet they miss you every single day and I also bet you even inspired some of them that wanted to be heroes. So, they’ll follow in your footsteps as a dedication to you.” he said and you swore you felt a thump in your chest, “No one is ever truly forgotten and though it’s only been months since we met. I know I’ll never forget you.” he concluded as he approached you.

Your face was twisted, it almost looked like you were in pain. How could he say such things?! Your hand twisted in your shirt, that same warmth you felt near Mirio seemed to be spread through your body and that thumping continued. You hated it, whatever it was. You were dead, this couldn’t possibly be a heartbeat? You choked down a sob as Mirio’s hand reached out to you. “What are you-” he interrupted you, “Just try to take my hand, sunshine,” he replied and you frowned, how were you supposed to do that? You looked at that hand before shifting your focus to Mirio once more and hesitantly reached out.

Your hand hovered in his, giving the illusion he wanted. That you were holding hands, “Wow.” he said, almost acting as if something was new or wrong. You raised your eyebrow, “Uh w-what?” you questioned and grew puzzled when you watched a blush come across his face. “You’re so warm, unlike before.” your eyes widened, what? How could that be? You couldn’t be warm unless you somehow found a source of happiness. “It’s so nice.” he said as he stepped closer to you, “I also hear something,” he noted before closing his eyes, just listening for a moment. “Uh…” you trailed off and floated back some, though your hand was technically still in his. “It sounds like a heartbeat,” he concluded and you grew panicked. Mirio must have sensed this, “Please don’t run away. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, in fact, I think...I think it’s a sign.” you looked at him confused.

“What?” you replied, tilting your head to the side and he chuckled in response, the noise only causing your heartbeat to accelerate. “Well, what would you say if I was bold enough to assume that you have feelings for me too.” he began as he stepped even closer, invading your personal space. “Uh…” your eyes widened as it almost seemed like he was trying to corner you. His hand even came up, attempting to caress your cheek. “I want to try something, is that okay?” he questioned and through you were a little antsy as to what he wanted to do. You nonetheless, found yourself nodding. He smiled gently at you, “Good.” he said with a smirk before leaning forward.

Your breath hitched when you realized what he was trying to do, it was silly. Stupid actually, but somehow it made you smile as his lips phased through yours. It was still a nice feeling and you swore you could actually feel it. You closed your eyes, phasing your arms through him to try and hover your hands on his shoulders. It was a strange moment, to say the least, but it made you smile all the same as he pulled away. “You do realize that wasn’t technically a kiss. More like pressing your lips against the air.” Mirio chuckled, “Well...I think it’s the best I can do for now.” he said, rubbing the back of his head with a flushed face.

“You’re in love with a ghost,” you replied, finding yourself laughing. “Hey now…” Mirio pouted, “Don’t make fun of me too much! You’re the one that didn’t feel the same at first!” he pointed out and your laughing came to a screeching halt. You growled, “That’s because you kept insisting that-” he held his hand up, “Yeah, I know. Maybe I was too pushy with my feelings, but regardless. I do love you and you love me back, hopefully?” he said and almost reminded you of Tamaki with the way he began to play with his fingers. You let out a sigh, floating past him. “I guess that’s something you’ll find out when your time comes,” you replied before disappearing through the ceiling. Mirio stood there, dumbfounded for a moment before calling your name and trying to chase after you. This was certainly some kind of love story.

#bnha requests #mirio x reader #togata x reader #Anonymous

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heartau · 6 years ago

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Oooh you went to Neocity right? I’d love to hear descriptions of the boys in the words of a writer 🥰

omg this sounds fun !!! ok before i start this i just wanna say this is from what i personally saw when i saw them live. i was relatively close to the stage, enough to make eye contact and to be waved at, so i’ll do my best!!

taeyong: seeing him in real life was a little surreal because he looks exactly how he does in pictures and videos which is already jarring because he’s already really beautiful through those. he has really big, expressive eyes and the warmest smile; every time he would look at the audience he’d have this small smile that looked like pride. it was really really heartwarming to see. he has such a calming, relaxed and cute aura durings ments but once he started to perform... whew! his head also really big, honestly a lot of their heads were really big in real life which is adorable idjdjddk, but yeah!! i made eye contact with him a number of times and you would think his gaze would be intimidating but it really really wasnt! the only word i can describe the feeling i got from him is motherly :(

johnny: first and foremost, i do not believe that he’s 6’1... that man is gigantic. his proportions are so good, his leg to chest ratio is so... [chef’s kiss]. what you see of him in videos is truly what he is in real life, he’s so goofy and funny and lively and he always encouraged other members to do their thing as well. he’s honestly so hilarious too which makes me sad because it makes me feel like we’d get along really well if i knew him personally ... man i just wanna be his bff. but yeah he’s really tall, like towering over the other members tall; even taller than jungwoo, who was surprisingly tall as well. maybe it’s just me because i’m really short. he also has a small face in real life, but at the same time his features are so expressive that you dont even realize it haha. but yeah he’s just a happy, talented, gentle giant.

jungwoo: if i could describe jungwoo in one word it would be cherub-like. he literally has the softest features ever and he moves so gracefully, he literally glowed on stage and it was kinda shocking really. he was also really tall omg, like i was expecting it anyways since i knew that he’s around 6ft, but like... he’s REALLY tall. he has the SOFTEST, most honey-like voice but he speaks with so much confidence, it’s so so so cute and made me so happy. he also has really fluffy hair, like even from my seat i could see how soft and light his hair was; every movement he made that night just made his hair whip around really easily, like even if it was bleached you really couldn’t tell because his hair didn’t look fried at all. all in all jungwoo was truly angel-like and very graceful.

taeil: oh man taeil is beautiful on screen and through pictures already but in person he glows 100x more. he has really, really pretty skin that made him shine under the spotlight and his jawline is REALLY sharp omg. he’s also really short (which i was expecting... probably still taller than me though) and has a big head hehe. he’s also one of the members that had a really calming, nurturing energy, during the ments he would literally have heart eyes full of pride when he’d look at the audience, it was really really heartwarming. a GOOD butt. also his vocals are so, so, sooo good and very stable - there was one point (i think it was back 2 u(?) i can’t remember anything from that night other than my videos) where he used his headvoice for the highnote and not falsetto and it floored me - i’m a classically trained vocalist so you bet i freaked out in the audience. but yeah, taeil is just really calming and nurturing and REALLY funny too :(

yuta: yuta honestly shocked me because although i knew that he’s baby from interviews and other clips, i was still somehow intimidated by him, but when i saw them live he really stomped on my intimidation. he literally has the most fresh, most positive, most genuinely kind energy i’ve literally ever felt :( he had the biggest smile throughout the night, every time i’d look at him he’d just be grinning from ear to ear. “healing smile” doesn’t even come close to describing how GOOD his smile is in real life. he’s also short, something i really wasn’t expecting, like a good 2nd or 3rd shortest - really really REALLY funny too and a REALLY good dancer, i got some of his freestyle dance on camera and every time i watch it, i’m floored bc he hits every beat on the spot. i made eye contact with him at one point and i remember feeling just so happy and at peace, like... he’s not intimidating at all... he’s just a happy boy :(

mark: ohh mark... i see mark as a childhood friend so when he came out on stage i literally felt tears spring in my eyes. i live in vancouver and saw them in vancouver so i feel like that kinda intensified it a bit more as well. he is SOOOOOO undeniably funny its crazy, throughout the night i’d just be laughing at things he’d say (that were intended to be humourous ofc). his head also really big omg it was kinda jarring, and taller than i expected. his stage presence is so good, everytime they’d perform my eyes would sometimes land on him, literally SO good. honestly, when i walked into that venue i was expecting him to cry which i feared for because when someone cries, then i cry, but he didn’t!! although after the concert ended, when they were saying their goodbyes, they left mark alone to say his own goodbyes and when he was doing so, his voice kinda cracked before he did this bow and his eyes were a little glossy and i got SO SCARED because i didn’t wanna cry rkdndkdndk but yeah :( im proud of mark and you can tell that he holds pride in what he does as well!

donghyuck: MAN... donghyuck literally has the most beautiful skin i’ve ever seen. i know i’ve said this before but he glows, like he literally glows, fullsun is an appropriate nickname for him. he emitted nothing else but cute, happy, mischeviohs energy during ments but once he started performing his vibe changed so drastically it was crazy - especially during wake up and baby don’t like it. there was one part during baby don’t like it when he pressed his forehead against taeil’s and when i tell you how much i lost it because i wasn’t expecting it... oh man. i also see donghyuck as a best friend; i was born a week before he was and our natal charts are exactly the same save for our moons, so seeing him rip it up on stage was so so soo good it made me so proud :( i made eye contact with him somewhere during summer 127?? I WAS SO HAPPY AFTER like it was refreshing omg i sound so silly but im telling the truth iddndkjd he’s also shockingly tall as well, around mark’s height, maybe even taller, and REALLY long legs. like a good 90% of his body was made of leg didjdjdjd but yeah donghyuck is just... he’s really the sun and he was meant to perform.

doyoung: i will start this off by saying; i left that venue as a doyoungzen. doyoung... whew... he also shocked me because through videos and pictures i was NEVER intimidated by him at all, i honestly genuinely always just saw him as cute baby but man oh man. you know when you just KNOW that someone’s rich by the way they hold themselves? that’s doyoung... he’s really regal-like and holds himself really gracefully, like a strict prince type. he intimidated me SO much that night (in the best way possible... sexy intimidation... dont worry) like his energy was just so... intense. i made eye contact with him a number of times and when i tell you how SMALL i felt just from meeting his eyes... my goodness. he has really broad shoulders and a tiny waist, also really tall, small-ish head. his features are REALLY sharp like it’s crazy, i really have no other way to explain it. he also has really pretty hands, nimble-looking fingers. he was really adorable during ments and at one point kept hopping which was so CUTE but even then... man. his energy is just really intense. i ended up making him one of my ults after i left the venue.

jaehyun: deep inhale... so. jaehyun. honestly its kinda silly because i can remember so many details from the other members but i feel like once it comes to jaehyun i’m at a loss of words because of how in SHOCK i was to see him up close bc as you all know he’s my ultimate bias, it was my three years with him a few weeks ago. but gosh... jaehyun... i really can’t see the whole “cold prince” image they give him bc he’s so chill and relaxed? ok wow a few memories are coming to mind now; he has a really big head, which i was expecting because i’ve seen people talk about how big his head is but yeah it’s big but it’s CUTE he’s just a little bobblehead :( i made so much eye contact with him that night too and god like. i got some of those moments on camera and you can see through the videos how i’d just FREEZE every time we jefkenfkd he’s just... really chill, really relaxed, let the other members do their thing, but at the same time really silly and had this aura of confidence which was really nice. a lil shorter than i expected omg but his skin was reeallllyyyy nice and he’s very pale irl omg. he waved at me and my friend at the end of the show and i also got it on video and like... every time i watch it its just so surreal cuz like ... 😭 LIKE WHAT NOW how am i supposed to live the rest of my life now knowing i reached my peak at neocity like .... bruh

all in all these boys are just so talented and have the best stage presence ever, and they’re super SUPER interactive with the fans. beingin the crowd during touch and replay was just so... nice :( it was truly one of the happiest moments in my life and i hope that they come back soon !!! i also hope that the next time i see them, winwin is part of 127 again as well :( and lastly, i also hope that whoever is reading this sees them in the future as well bc u deserve it!!!

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virginbutstillahoe · 5 years ago

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Positive 20 Questions Tag Game

i made a tag game again. i’m bored, procrastinating, and certain we all need some more positivity right now. hell yeah.

1.) Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

- dean winchester (supernatural): i never shut up about his but dean is me y’all. we both be out here, acting like we’re tough when we’re just jelly filled dorks, being nurturing as hell, making jokes to cheer people up, with a constant chip on our shoulders, and secretly just wanting someone to love us and love someone back.

- maria vontrapp (sound of music): i know she’s not technically a fictional character since that’s based on a true story but whatever. you know what i could name everything about her, but i won’t bc who has time for that. basically just fucking listen to the song “maria” from that movie where all the nuns roast her and you’ve basically got my personality wrapped in a bow for you. just an innocent ass train wreck that just wants to love everyone but doesn’t realize that manners are a thing. that song is so me that my family used to sing it at me when i was little and they still do. also when she blows the whistle obnoxiously at the captain and is just like “lol sorry captain didn’t know how i was supposed to address you :)))” super passive aggressively, me.

- tracy samantha lorde (the philadelphia story): okay she’s definitely classier and fancier than me but, the real vulnerable shit underneath all of her grace and beauty is samesies. she basically is so intolerant of people being anything less than perfect because she’s so afraid of people getting close to her and seeing her flaws....cough cough. she keeps everyone at a distance because she doesn’t want to get hurt. lmao.

- lilo (lilo and stitch): another fictional character that my family needed to point out was me at every turn. my older sister and i actually used to say ohana to each other before bed because she was so similar to nani and i’m so similar to lilo and we fight EXACTLY like them. lilo is just a little outcast who, once again, just loves everyone and wants to be seen and loved for who she is, but has such a hard time connecting to people because they don’t understand her and her aggressive way of showing her intense emotions. my mama still calls me lilo sometimes. i have a lilo plushie on my bed and a lilo sticker on my laptop bc i love her and she gets me.

2.) Aesthetic?

- bright colors, ocean waves, dirty and torn clothing, and wildflowers.

3.) Favorite musical/play? (If you’ve never seen a musical or play, one you’d be interested in seeing?

- into the woods. it was phantom of the opera for most of my childhood and teenage years, but into the woods really just goes after the life metaphors and really makes you think about the difference between right, wrong, and gray areas. like there’s a song about how adventure changes you and makes you view the world differently. there’s another about how somewhere between mundane and perfect is where the best parts of life lie. there’s another all about how important children are and how vital it is that you are careful what you say and do around them. it just goes the fuck off.

4.) What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

- “you think about the world in ways i never thought were possible”

5.) How many times have you been in love?

- kind of 1? i’ve been into the same person my whole life but i’m constantly debating myself on if unrequited love can count as being in love with someone you’re actually with, if that makes sense?

6.) Embarrassing story or fact about yourself that makes you laugh now?

- when i was little, i secretly wanted to be an actress on broadway, so when i was home alone and would watch movies, i would pick a character in the movie and act out their parts as i watched like a crazy person lol.

7.) Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

- favorite disney movie is lilo and stitch for reasons mostly mentioned in the first question, but the family doesn’t get left behind or forgotten and the outcast is not unloveable they’re just misunderstood messages just send me and really helped baby molly. how obvious is it that i’m a giant sucker for an interesting message?

8.) Favorite flower or plant?

- black eyed susans. they’re a wild flower with a similar beauty to daisies, but with a little bit of darkness in them.

9.) What’s your favorite holiday?

- christmas biiiiiiitch. it’s the one time of year i’m not worried that my house is haunted and i get to sing all the time and people don’t find it weird or annoying. the snow is not the best but everything else makes up for it.

10.) Name three things that made you laugh or smile this past week.

- when i was laying in the grass today, a little tiny robin hopped over to me and whistled at me and it was a magical experience

- i realized i only have 3 more weeks of school until this hell semester is over

- my mom made my bed on top of me and if you’ve never had someone do that to you before, did you have a childhood? are you okay? also find someone to do it to you right now.

11.) What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

- either "thank you for the music” by abba or from mamma mia depending on the kind of person you are, or i guess the song “maria” that i mentioned before lmao

12.) Name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments.

- laying down in the grass on a nice sunny day and just listening the sounds of birds, bugs, and other surrounding noises.

13.) What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

- i am currently working on my masters degree in special education for elementary school ages. i will probably go back and get a second masters in school counseling to help students with special needs who are in traumatic situations or are mistreated at home.

14.) This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

- my emotional support outfit as my friends call it is my toy story pajama pants with my guiness sweatshirt from ireland

15.) What is a quote you live by?

- be fiercely and ferociously yourself.

i have also recently started to follow “you’ve got to lighten up, it’s just life.”

16.) Name the funniest playlist name you have.

- “the chocolate ganache” and i called it that because it’s full of songs that represent my soul and personality and chocolate ganache is what i like to think my filling would be if i was a cake.

17.) Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

- bob hope and bing crosby

18.) What is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance?

- if someone doesn’t like you for who you are, tell them to fuck directly off.

19.) Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

- my late grandfather. i called him papa and he was basically my father. he was smart, cuddly, serious, fiercy loving, and kind of dorky, but he was the best and i miss him every day.

20.) What’s a secret dream of yours?

- my childhood dream mentioned above still kinda lingers around in my brain from time to time, but i know it’s not possible for me.

tagging my friends (or at least i’d like to think we’re friends lmao) @navajolovesdestiel @victorian-sexstache @missjojo96 @multifandom-fanatic @day-fire @baby-in-a-trenchcoat7 @green-eyes-and-classic-rock, and @thetiredstuff and literally anyone else who wants to play. for real.

if i didn’t tag you and you play, please tag me! i’d love to read through yours!

if i did tag you and you’re intimidated by the size of this and have decided, “fuck that noise” i respect you and i get it no hard feelings (:

#my post #tag game #about me #i know it's a longin so if you don't want to it's all good buddy #but i would really love it if you played #even if you weren't tagged bc who cares if you're tagged or not #certainly not me

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bme-girl · 5 years ago

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University asks

from this blog

How far along are you in your studies? About to start the 4th/5th year of my undergrad program. So close, yet so far lol

How far do you plan on pursuing academia? I want to get my PhD and maybe I’ll do some post-doc work after that?

What made you want to attend university? My mom wasn’t able to attend in her home country and my dad got his Bachelor’s on his dad’s GI Bill. They allowed me to see how there are some limits without it and how education in this country is your ticket to money and living comfortably.

What do you study? Biomedical Engineering + Chemical/Biological Engineering

What do you wish to accomplish by studying at university? The end goal is to contribute to the knowledge in the field and have an impact on the community by inspiring underrepresented youth like me

What do you want to do with your degree? Be a researcher and teach in some capacity

What’s your dream job? Being a researcher and influencer for Latinx youth in STEM

Has university been what you expected it to be? Tbh, I don’t think so even though I didn’t really know what to expect. I’ve learned SO much along the way that no one had the knowledge to tell me when before uni

What’s the most important thing you have learned about yourself at university? That I’m strong af, I can do whatever I want to in life–literally. And not to compare yourself to others

What surprised you the most about university? The types of friends I made, people I met, and places I went bc of opportunities through uni

What classes are you taking this/next semester? For fall 2020, I am taking Chemical Engineering Design 1 (not truly a design class. more like ethics, safety, etc.), Transport Phenomena in Biomedical Eng, Separation Processes, Biochemistry, and an Independent Study.

What has been the most interesting class you’ve taken? This past semester I took a biomedical eng project-based course and it was LIT af, very challenging but projects were super realistic and interesting

What has been your favourite class you’ve taken? Same course as 12^ like it made me realize my true style of learning and working and it was difficult but so so cool

What is your favourite professor like? Haha, same prof as 12 & 13^^ he was laid back, challenging, young and tech-savvy. More than anything, he was there if you just needed someone to talk to. He didn’t ‘bend’ rules but he knew what it’s like to be a student with limited resources and no super-human abilities. Just a cool guy I’d grab a drink with

If you have to write a thesis, what are you going to write it on? I will have to provide a written report for the independent study so I’m gonna ask if it can be like a thesis. It’ll probs be on something like improving multi-modal neuroimaging data fusion using machine learning

What is your weird academic niche? I’m not really sure. Sometimes I feel like I am my own niche? Lmao. I don’t really know how to answer this tbh

What’s your favourite thing about academia? That honesty and integrity are highly valued and people just like wondering about things on a deeper level and bigger scale and have conversations about it

What’s your least favourite thing about academia? That it’s toxic: not as diverse, kinda bureaucratic, research matters more than ability to teach (in the US)

Would you go to a different university if you had to choose again? Yes and no: instead of going to a different uni then transferring to where I am now, I would 100% just have gone to the one I’m at now in the first place

Would you choose a different subject if you had to choose again? I don’t think so

If you couldn’t study the subject you study now, what would you study? Software Engineering or Comp Sci

What is your favourite course style? More applied learning, like projects. Not as exam heavy.

Theoretical or practical? AHHH! Both

Best book you’ve had to read for a course? Numerical Methods in MATLAB for Engineers

Worst book you’ve had to read for a course? Molecular Physical Chemistry for Engineers by Yates and Johnson OMFG LITERAL TRASH, even our instructor hated it

Favourite online resource? YouTube lol– broad but legit the best way to learn ANYTHING

The topic of the best essay you’ve written? I have a problem where everything I wrote in the past I now see as really bad bc my writing is always evolving. Most recent essay–maternal mortality rates in the US and race gaps within

Would you ever consider getting a phd? I am indeed considering haha

Who is doing the most interesting research in your field at the moment? In my research, Vince Calhoun or Danilo Bzdok. In my major, I’m not sure

Do you have any minors? I haven’t declared it officially, but I think I can achieve a math minor my 5th year

What is subject you wish your university taught but doesn’t? I don’t blame them cause it’s just now gaining more popularity, but like a strictly computational biology/biostatistics subject would be amazing

What is an area of your subject you wish your university taught but doesn’t? Same as 31^

The best advice anyone has ever given you about university? Do everything, don’t hold back. An opportunity can come from the smallest of things

Do you care about your grades? Yeah, but it’s not everything

Do you think you study enough? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t

How did your attitude towards studying and school change between high school and university? Uni hit me like a truck bc my high school was not the best. I learned to live and breathe studying, how to learn, how to manage my time, and my attitude is more serious and business-minded, but also have crazy fun in the right time and place

What do you do to rewind? Like to unwind? exercise, make music, watch movies, hit the hot tub

Best tip for making friends at university? Be yourself and be honest :)

Are you involved in any clubs/societies/extracurriculars? President for a diversity student org and I do intramural sports!

Have you done or are you planning on doing any internships? I’ve completed one research internship and I hope to do another next summer.

What is an interesting subject that you would never study yourself? Physics probably lol

What has been your favourite thing about university so far? The people, the location of my uni, the learning

What is your plan B career? Work in industry after undergrad, probably in biotech

Do you ever regret your choice of subject or university? Not really

Do you ever regret going to university? Hell no

How do you study? I try to vary it– I’ll read, do a crap ton of practice problems, do a study group with a lot of talking and teaching each other concepts, watch videos from other sources

What do you wish you’d done differently in your first year? Not been a student-athlete

What things do you think you did right in your first year? Was honest with myself

What are your thoughts on Academia? It can be good and bad, and it’s up to us as the next generation to change the bad :)

Strangest university tip you have? Hmmmmm... Don’t assume all your advisers/administration/profs know what you’re truly capable of. (not strange, but I don’t think it’s that common)

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thefallons · 5 years ago

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Origins --> Scotia&Charlie

Discord Transcript Timeline Points:

- Charlie finds out Scotia has a son (Charlie is 33, Scotia is 34, Jensen is 2) - Charlie confides in Dex about how to proceed - Charlie breaks up with Scotia, believing he doesn’t fit into his life - Dex confronts Charlie about how miserable he’s been - Charlie tries to win Scotia back, but first, be honest with him about wizardry - Scotia and Charlie agree to spend the night together, but in Scotia’s home - Charlie meets Jensen for the first time

It's been 10 months since they started seeing each other, Charlie is a regular at Scotia's bar and then one day Scotia’s babysitter doesn't show up. Scotia brings a two-year-old Jensen to the bar with him because his boss truly does not give a fuck. As long as the place isn't on fire the owner hardly cares and the staff basically runs it. But Scotia puts Jensen high chair at the end of the bar and lets him color some pictures. And then Charlie walks in and Scotia's heart skips a beat, his ears go red.

SCOTIA:

Scotia says nothing until Charlie notices the child and brings it up and even then, he hesitantly says, "That's uh...my son. Jensen. He- his babysitter had something come up so...he's with me today." Looking at Charlie like ...this is a bombshell...I know...think about it while I get you wine to process better. Jensen is just at the end of the bar, scribbling with some crayons, a sippy cup nearby. He's a child who isn't even fully aware he's in a bar because dad's in a rough spot.

CHARLIE: Charlie would be so confused. He would drink a glass or two, way faster than normal, and keeps throwing glances from Scotia to the boy. He thinks to himself, "Of course he has a son, he could even have a wife or a husband, who knows! You don't know him, what you have with him is just for fun, right? It's not like they're in a serious relationship so yeah, it shouldn't matter if he has one or ten kids hiding behind the bar, right. Right? So this is just an affair, I hope he isn't cheating anyone, though because I do not want to get involved with drama.”

SCOTIA: Scotia definitely notices that Charlie downs his drinks way too fast and as soon as Scotia can get away from his customers for a minute he comes up by Charlie with a third glass of wine for him. But Scotia takes a big sip of the wine before setting it down in front of Charlie and asking him, "Are you freaking out a bit?"

Charlie: Charlie literally just gives him a wide-eyed look because it's better than saying "YA THINK??"

SCOTIA: He's trying to keep his own cool and smile a little bit on the inside, he's like this is it this was good while it lasted.

"I-" he licks his lips when he sees the look like ok that was a dumb question, "There didn't seem like an appropriate time to go hey, by the way, I gotta run, I only have the babysitter till midnight. Would it have made it any better if I told you earlier?"

CHARLIE: "Yeah... That would've. Been... huh. For once I have no words."

Charlie gets up and grabs his jacket, trying very hard to remain cool and looking at the kid and then Scotia. "Listen– I think I need some time to-" gestures towards his head and sighs. "We can talk about this some other day?" he offers while asking himself the same, was that a good idea?

“For what it’s worth, he seems like a nice kid." And then he leaves.

SCOTIA: Scotia's face gets a little red at how Charlie is shutting down. He's literally already so stressed out, is at work, and now his object of feelings is making THAT face. He runs a hand through his hair and goes, "This doesn't change anything between us. You don't /have/ to go."

Charlie blasts through Dex's door and pacing from one corner to the other, trying to think about what just happened. Charlie had previously downplayed how involved he was with Scotia, only mentioning that he'd met this guy at a Muggle bar and that was where he vanished to some days of the week. And how Scotia was able to keep Charlie's attention because they both know how impersonal Charlie can be with some of his hookups, but no, this guy was actually interesting.

CHARLIE: "He has a kid, Dex." and just that throwing his arms up

DEX: Dex is wide-eyed. It takes him time to put 2 and 2 together that Charlie is talking about his hook up cause he's not sure why Charlie is so worked up about it. "O...kay? What's he, trying to get you to pay child support? Oh. Oh is he fucking married, Charlie, are you back to your homewrecking ways?"

CHARLIE: Charlie just being like this and he has to laugh, of course even when he isn't trying to do anything stupid, he still does it. "Dunno, Dex. All I know is that I walked into the bar and his son was there because the babysitter left."

"I wonder if that didn't happen, would I even find out? Who knows. Guess it really was supposed to be just a fling."

DEX: Dex's brows are still raised bc he can't believe. "Uh...what did he have to say about it?"

And then sits up suddenly and is like, "Wait, was this not a fling? Is this- did we shift gears somewhere there, Charles, do you have something to tell me?"

CHARLIE: Charlie stares at his friend for a full minute because hello can you please join my meltdown? Screw you, Dex. "Maybe. But I don't think there's any future for that now, so forget it."

DEX: "Wait, wait, wait, wait- back up. Did you want to know sooner? Did you want him to like you enough to tell you sooner?" Dex looks surprised as hell because does his friend have feelings? Charlie never has feelings this is absurd and he's not going to let it go, Charlie can hit him if he wants to. "Charlie, I am clutching my chest, I cannot believe you."

CHARLIE: "Yeah well. I can't believe some of the information I've been given tonight either so."

DEX: "What the hell's the story? What's his deal, why didn't he tell you about the kid??"

CHARLIE: "I know it's hard for you but shut up Dex. It doesn't matter anymore, okay? So pour me a drink. I've been vulnerable enough for one evening. Time to get hammered"

DEX: Dex sighs and lets it go for now. He pours Charlie a stiff drink and then pours himself one and lets loose, fully intending to circle back to this once they're plastered.

Meanwhile, Scotia types out about 7 different versions of a text to Charlie over the course of several hours but deletes all of them. It's probably late at night and Charlie is probably super drunk when his phone goes off and it's a text that just says, "Can we talk?" And Dex certainly snoops over his shoulder.H e's not subtle about the snooping, he never is, he and Charlie have so few boundaries.

CHARLIE: Charlie and Dex lie on Dex's bed but Dex is facing one way and Charlie is another. They're both drunk and Charlie feels tired, he needs the rest but he's still kinda upset. Then he sees the text Scotia sends him and oh. He lets the phone drop on his chest and finally says, "I like him. I think I have for a while but. I don't know. We don't really know each other, we fuck at a hotel and sometimes we have breakfast together before he has to go."

"And it was easy and fun, I wasn't paying attention to how long has it since we started or even how he kinda became part of my routine but today... Going to the bar and he seemed scared when I asked him about the little boy. I don't think he wanted to tell me."

"I don't think he wants more than what we have right now. And I respect that, I actually wished I felt the same, but still. Realizing there's a possibility that he actually has a whole family out there and I'm the dirty little secret– That's not. I don't want to get involved in that..."

"I've had enough of romantic drama for the rest of my life. I should break this off before it gets more complicated."

DEX: Dex is quiet for a few beats even after Charlie finishes speaking. He blinks a few times because his heart literally hurts for his friend, he'd go to the ends of the earth for Charlie and this is him in rare form. "Do you think he's this sad too?" He whispers finally. "Like right now, in this moment?"

CHARLIE: Charlie shrugs and says "Can't say, I don't think I know him as well as I thought. Perhaps he's just embarrassed to be caught in that situation where his lover and his son are in the same room."

DEX: Dex finally shifts to he can turn to his side and lean on his elbow and actually look at Charlie. "You don't want to know for sure? You'd just be content accepting your place as the dirty little secret forever? What if he has some kind of crazy story to explain and you just never know about it? Would you really just be okay drifting into the night forever and never finding out?"

CHARLIE: Charlie mirrors the movement to look at his friend, "Crazy story? That's what you're trying to convince me? I don't think I'm betting on that and even if it turns out to be true, it's better if I leave him alone. Could you imagine me being a stepdad? Because I can't."

DEX: Dex definitely talks about it with Charlie for a little while longer and tries to convince him to at least get closure for the sake of his own sanity. Tells him to not ghost Scotia solely to put a cap on his own feelings and deal with the heartbreak in a slightly more productive way. He doesn't care how convincing he is, just says his piece, and pats his friend on the shoulder like sleep it off, buddy. We can debate more in the morning if you need to.

Charlie agrees to meet Scotia again, even if he thinks he's going there to end things. He'll text him back and try to meet Scotia the following day, he wouldn't want to drag anything. He still likes Scotia enough that he wouldn't want to leave him hanging.

SCOTIA: Scotia feels lighter but also burdened all at once when Charlie texts him back. He'll want to meet at the bar because it's common ground but not when he's working because he doesn't want their conversation to get interrupted. He likes Charlie and he wants to set this right, he doesn’t feel good when they’re not talking.

Scotia probably tells Charlie to come in towards the end of his workday so he can get off the clock and give him his undivided attention. His heart literally skips a beat when he sees Charlie and it shows in his face. But when he finally gets out from behind the bar and finds a table for them to sit at, it's with a glass of wine for Charlie as a gesture of peace. "I missed you last night," he'll tell him quietly but then shakes his head a little because he knows that was stupid. He knows Charlie doesn't want to hear that right now, he just couldn't help himself. He takes a deep breath before Charlie can respond and add, "I didn't tell you I had a kid because that's not sexy. It's not sexy being a single dad who has to carve 2 hours out of the day for himself to do one thing that he enjoys. It's messy, a lot of what I have going on outside of us is messy but things are real good when it's just us and I think you think so too so I...didn't want just us to get messy too. Okay? God's honest truth. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to shoulder my burdens...." He hesitates, looks like he might say something else but he doesn't. Just licks his lips and sips at his water cause he's nervous and rambled. He didn't have to explain himself but it all just tumbled out.

CHARLIE: Charlie feels so conflicted, he understands Scotia's reason but he still stands by the idea that it's better for them to break up now. Charlie thinks their relationship ending is inevitable, also because of the whole secret wizard world he's hiding from Scotia.

"I'm a mess too, I get it. Ask anyone that knows me. Ask my brother, he'll hand you a list of all my major fuck ups so far and it would all be true." He pulls his hands back to his lap, clasps them together to keep them out of Scotia's reach, "But I don't wanna screw this up as well... I'm not ready for this, I'm sorry. I'm- I'm really sorry, Scotia."

SCOTIA: Scotia’s face falls when he realizes he’s being broken up with. This is hard and the opposite of what he wanted, the precise reason he hid his child, to begin with. His face shows his heartbreak and he can’t even hide it. Scotia has feelings for this man who is literally rejecting his child; his son is such a big part of his life. How is he supposed to beg for someone who can't handle his life in the long term?

"You're not gonna screw this up unless you do exactly the thing you're trying to do to not screw this up," Scotia tells him hoarsely. He literally cannot contain the crumbling in his eyes, "Right now, my son doesn't have a bearing on what we have. If you want it to stay that way it...it can stay that way." He says the words but they hurt because he wants more. If he didn't know it before, he knows it now that he wants more with Charlie.

CHARLIE: Charlie getting up too fast, knocking his chair behind him and moving to the other side of the table to reach Scotia. He's kissing the side of his face, his forehead, his neck and whispering he's sorry and that he hates to see Scotia crying. "I wish I was better for you."

SCOTIA: Scotia is so startled by the movement but when Charlie comes close to him he moves a hand to touch the younger man- to grip on to whatever part of him he can. It crushes him to hear the words but Charlie seems so sure and Scotia is a man of pride. He feels as though he's already begged and he's not going to grovel to someone who is determined not to be with him. He just bows his head to his chest and takes a shaky breath and takes in the closeness for as long as he can have it before Charlie leaves him.

Charlie tells Dex he went there to the bar to talk to Scotia and they're over now and it fucking sucks but Charlie believes it's better this way. So he'll just have to deal with it, it was his choice.

Dex waits for Charlie to show any signs of improvement but Dex doesn't enjoy it when Charlie acts fake with him. He calls Charlie out on his bullshit a few weeks later. He's like okay drop the act because you know this Charlie isn't for me. It's for the rest of the world. Try again.

CHARLIE: "I'm angry. I'm so angry, Dex, I don't know how to suppress this, I want- I hate feeling this, I hate how much I still think about him, I hate how attached I've gotten without noticing. I fucking hate it."

DEX: "Angry at what?" Dex looks so concerned because honestly, he wouldn't have called his friend out if he couldn't tell that he was about to blow. "Dude, you didn't even give yourself a chance," he continues the casual calling out. "If you're frustrated it's cause you quit without trying. And normally, in day to day...you're not a fuckin quitter, Charlie. You're a damn Ravenclaw, you see things through." Dex had observed how fast Charlie went from finding out something he didn't like to cutting and running and already was like uh oh, this is gonna hurt and be bad

Narrator's voice: Dexter was correct.

CHARLIE: "I fucking know, Dex, and that's why it feels so... Stupid! I am so convinced I'm not the type of person he needs I already bailed out! He doesn't need me not knowing what the fuck I want and risk getting his kid involved with someone like me." Charlie wants to punch something and given their history there's a chance he'll punch Dex just because he's the only one there. It's not the first time it happened and he knows Dex will forgive him or maybe punch him back if necessary, "He's... Just a guy I met at a bar." he tells himself, "He doesn't even know that my means of transport from here to his bar is my mind and my wand. He thinks I'm a Muggle... We don't know each other, so why is this so hard?"

DEX: "Someone like you? What the fuck does that even mean Charlie? Have you murdered someone lately? Punched a kid? Tossed someone off a building? You tried to break up with him because you thought he was married, you didn't even want to homewreck his imaginary relationships! What does someone like me even mean? You gonna talk down to Scotia's kid like your dad did to you? You gonna tell that kid he can do better no matter how hard he tries? You gonna shut him out, kick him around, break his ability to talk about literally anything?" Dex is nearly huffing at this point, he's so mad because Charlie is mad. They're just feeding off each other's energy. "Because unless that's your plan, I don't think your someone like me is valid. You're you, Charlie. You're not half fuckin bad, actually." He certainly looks and sounds angry despite his complimentary words.

CHARLIE: Charlie still looks crazy but he stays silent before saying, "You're so embarrassing, Dexter, did you just hear what you said?" Because he has to deflect, he doesn't want to admit what Dex said is true. There is a lot of self-loathing within Charlie but he wouldn't admit it or carry it as a flaw.

"Do you think- Should I call him? Will he even pick up?"

DEX: "You could sit here and wonder for another three weeks. Or you can just follow your gut and do it and see where you land. How much sadder can you possibly get at this point, right?"

Dex is still pretty hopped up on adrenaline from their level of emotions. He’s struggling to even be supportive without being aggressive.

CHARLIE: Charlie sits down and just breathes for a few minutes. He knows what he has to do, as painfully awkward as it will be. On his way out he hugs Dex from the back and tells him "What would I be without you, Dexter D'Angelo! Wish me good luck."

DEX: Dex definitely enjoys the love and tells Charlie he'd be a sad loser but not to worry because he'll never leave him so they'll never see that fate.

Charlie lands on the spot he always used to and feels like he fucked up the apparition because he feels so nauseous out of the blue. He knows it's still working hours at the bar, so he stays there thinking of what he wants to say until there are only 5 minutes until closing time. Only then does he walk in, slowly making his way to the bar and waiting for Scotia to notice him.

SCOTIA: Scotia damn near drops the three drinks in his hands when he sees Charlie's face. His mouth goes dry and he delivers the drinks. He almost tells the bartender he's working with to cover him the last few minutes but he takes a deep breath and tells himself to maintain his cool. He has the other person he's with bring Charlie a wine though while he waits. Just the dumb, cheap kind that Charlie likes.

CHARLIE: Charlie thanks the other bartender and tips but he doesn't drink any of it this time, just let it rest in front of him while he waits for Scotia

SCOTIA: Scotia's coworker is so up in his business too, like isn’t that the guy who used to just hang out during your shift all the time? Where has he been? Look at him, is he okay? And Scotia is like shut up and let me finish chasing these drunks out so I can take care of some business.

Scotia's al nerves though, he literally cannot imagine what Charlie wants with him all these weeks later. But he cleans up a little bit and then walks over to Charlie's table, face neutral but heart thundering in his chest. He literally cried in front of Charlie last time and that's so out of the ordinary for him, he's pushing himself so hard not to seem weak, not to seem like he can be taken advantage of. "Hi," he just says, sitting down across from him. He notices the untouched wine and gestures to it, "Not your brand anymore?"

CHARLIE: Charlie watches Scotia approaching him and part of him feels excited to be there, but his pessimist side reminds him there's a good chance they won't get back together.

"I wanted to make sure you knew that I was completely sober," he answers knowing Scotia didn't expect a real answer for that, but it was true, he needed Scotia to believe what he was about to say.

He pulls his wand from the inner pocket in his jacket and places on the table in front of them, taking a deep breath he speaks, "I haven't been honest with you either, Scotia. This," he nods at the piece of wood in front of them, "Is my wand. My wand that I use.... For magic." he's probably trying very hard not to come out as funny although it sounds ridiculous.

"I'm a wizard, Scotia. A real one."

SCOTIA: Scotia shrugs when Charlie turns down the drink and pulls it towards himself to take a big sip. He raises a brow at the item that's placed between them, dismissing it as a tree branch at best. "Excuse me?" He damn near chokes on the wine. "Charlie, honestly, of all the excuses to come back here after getting spooked from meeting my kid- no, you didn't really even meet him, actually. You glanced at him. From a distance. And then ran. And you never really came back. So for this to be your reasoning behind it. It- it's not amusing." He grows increasingly red in the face, leaning back in his chair to run both hands through his hair. He lets out a deep breath, eyes darting back and forth as he looks at the ceiling for a moment because he can't believe he let himself think or have hope that Charlie had really come back for him. Don't fucking cry again he tells himself. Do not

CHARLIE: Charlie isn't sure if Scotia is mad at him for not coming right out of the gate telling he wants to get back together or if he truly thinks Charlie is making a very convoluted excuse to explain why they broke up. He squints his eyes, trying to figure out if he ever made a joke so absurd that it would be possible for Scotia to believe he is lying about that.

"It's not- That's not why I walked away that day. But you heard me right? I'm a wizard, I'm really not fucking around. I'm actually a professor at a school of witchcraft," it does sound like crazy talk, "Scotia, listen, please." Charlie wants to calm him down so bad so he can just see he's telling the truth. "You're right, okay? About me getting spooked seeing your kid, I was terrified and I still am! I still... Believe it's not a good idea for you to add me to your personal life, because I am good at screwing things up and I know you'd never forgive me if I hurt your son."

"That's why it's so scary, that's why it feels like this is beyond what I can take. But I've spent the last weeks trying to move on but turns out I can't get over it. I can't get over you and I... I don't know when it happened, but I like you. I like you a lot. So. I wanted to tell you the truth of my identity as well and see if. If even with that added to the list of weird shit we'd have to deal with if you still... Wanted to be with me."

SCOTIA: "My kid, whose name you don't even know, Charlie, you didn't even bother. You-you just left. I get it, you were scared but..." Scotia narrows his eyes, "You could have at least tried to ask? You saw him and I was suddenly not good enough for you anymore and that-" He takes a deep breath, realizing he's getting louder and riled up. "Charlie, in my pants is in my fuckin person life. Too late, you were already there. You could've stayed on the other side of the bar from me forever and saved yourself the trouble of all this that way. But you already crossed that line, you were already in my personal life." Scotia clears his throat, unable to even focus on the crazy wizardry part anymore past his intense emotions related to their relationship- or lack thereof. "You cannot just walk in here and tell me that you want to be with me but that you won't be good for me if we're together. You cannot be unwilling to change to be better and stronger if you don't think you are those things now. If you don't feel like I'm worth at least trying to be good for then you have no place here tonight, Charlie."

CHARLIE: "I'm sorry for not asking your kid's name right then and there if it wasn't clear I was panicking beyond reasoning, Scotia. You say now that I was already in your personal life, but that's not how it felt. Up until a few weeks ago, I thought you still saw me as a good fuck and costumer. And I thought the same, as cruel as it sounds but it's true. For all I know, if it wasn't for your babysitter failing that day, you wouldn't have told me about your son at all. And it hit me that... I didn't know you. You could've been married with kids and having an affair with me just because.

I wouldn't even have the right to be upset, because we never talked about us. I didn't think there was an us to even talk about... So it took me all of that shit happening to see how much I wanted you, yes, is that fucked up? Maybe but that's how I realized.

And if me changing or becoming someone better suited for your life is what you need from me, then you're right, I don't think I'll have to be better, so why waste both of our times.

I guess I really have no place being here tonight."

SCOTIA: Scotia's shoulders deflate with the way Charlie comes at him. The longer the man goes on the more his desperation becomes clear and suddenly, when Charlie finishes rambling his thoughts, Scotia simply blurts out, "Thank you...for telling me all that." He licks his lips and takes a deep breath, not a panicked, and frustrated one this time. His voice is quieter when he speaks, trying to make Charlie actually listen to him instead of just hearing his words, "I didn't tell you about my son because I thought you thought this was just a good fuck, Charlie. You're right, we didn't talk about this but we should've. I don't just have breakfast in the morning with everybody- actually nobody, I haven't had breakfast the morning after with anybody since my kid was born and you can hear that whole story, plain and true if you want to. But I'm willing to bet you don't just come and sit in bars waiting for people's shifts to be over so you can get a good lay either. So...we should've talked about it."

Scotia shakes his head, his fingers fiddling with the wine glass in front of him but he doesn't take a drink, he can't bring himself to stomach a thing. "I don't want you to change to be suited for my life. I don't know who's asked you to do that in the past but it's not me. I want the exact opposite, I want you to realize you don't have to change to be with me. You keep telling me you're no good and you're gonna be bad for me but I haven't seen any of that in the last year." His last words are nearly a whisper because he can't fathom how else to make Charlie understand, "The only time you hurt me is when you tell me you're going to."

CHARLIE: Charlie hates every second of the honesty they threw at each other's face. It was necessary but it hurt and chances are it will hurt for a while before it gets better.

But he wants the other man so bad. Was it always like this? He knows he's always been attracted to Scotia from the start, but this ache of being apart... When did it become so real? Charlie didn't allow himself to get involved with anyone like this since he was young, engaged and so naive.

He also knew that like Dexter, Scotia didn't seem to be able to see all the ways Charlie was flawed beyond repair. Maybe they had a point, Charlie wanted to believe, maybe he isn't the bad guy he thinks he is.

Or maybe that's exactly who he is and that's why despite it being selfish, knowing only their determination to be together won't be enough, he wants to be with Scotia. He wants him, even if he believes it will end terribly.

"Stay with me tonight, please. We don't have to fuck or anything, I just. Don't wanna be away from you anymore."

SCOTIA: "Okay, yeah," Scotia nods instantly, "Just- let me make a few calls, I'm sure I can get a hold of someone-" He hesitates and then, "Unless...you want to come home with me?" Scotia clears his throat, "He'll be asleep by now. You don't have to talk to him, be with him unless you want to. It can still be just us."

He licks his lips and then adds as an afterthought, in the interest of them talking about things now, "This isn't a test, you can say no if you want to."

CHARLIE: Charlie doesn't hesitate, just nods and reaches out to grab Scotia's hands. "Let's go."

SCOTIA: As they walk out of the bar, Scotia tells Charlie to prove he’s a wizard, circling back to the untouched matter at hand that he certainly had not forgotten, simply prioritized under the well being of their relationship.

CHARLIE: Charlie doesn't say it out loud but he's definitely thinking "How the fuck am I supposed to apparate us safely when I feel like I can't even stand right now?"

"I... I've never been there, so I can't take us there but. Is there like ah famous monument or street near your home?"

SCOTIA: Scotia is so blown away thinking to himself, there's no way this is a thing so why not play along right? He tells Charlie the name of the main road that's a five-minute walk from his house looks at Charlie like he’s nuts.

CHARLIE: Charlie thinks hard if he's ever been there and knows the place well enough, before pulling Scotia close and saying, "Hold on and don't let go. Really. Don't let go."

SCOTIA: Scotia puts his arms around Charlie tightly and hides his face into the crook of Charlie's neck, thinking, I'm taking a leap of faith with you, you crazy son of a bitch. And a snap, crackle, and pop later, he’s doubled over on the sidewalk, throwing up all he’s got onto the street. Now he’s hoping Charlie still thinks he’s cute after this new milestone.

CHARLIE: "The first time is always rough, isn't it?" Charlie laughs when Scotia's face goes green, "You said you wanted me to prove it." He shrugs

SCOTIA: Hearing Charlie’s laughter and teasing, Scotia shoves Charlie’s side despite being kneeled over. “Don’t make fun of me, you’re the one who did this! My God...you did this…”

CHARLIE: "You look like you're about to pass out, we need to get you to your house. Which direction, honey?"

SCOTIA: Scotia does not answer him, wipes his mouth, stands up, and just goes, "What the fuck was that? Is that how you-" He steps back. "Charlie, what?"

But then has to step towards Charlie again anyway to put a hand on his shoulder because he needs to steady himself.

CHARLIE: Charlie holds back his laugh, he doesn't wanna get shoved again. "So pet names are your weakness, huh. I'd so kiss you right now if your mouth didn't smell so bad, ugh, let's go, Scosh."

SCOTIA: It's hard not to believe Charlie after that so Scotia asks a hundred questions on the five-minute walk back to his place.

"What the hell else can you do?" "What...happened to you?? Or are there more people like this" "I'm not gonna wake up and this is going to be an elaborate prank, is it?" "Charlie, did you fucking do that every time you wanted to see me?? That's absurd."

CHARLIE: "Yep, I literally bent myself in time and space just to see your cute face."

SCOTIA: Scotia stops to grin when Charlie says that. It brings him back to earth a little bit after the wild experience of apparating but as he finally finds his legs to walk again, to lead Charlie towards his home, he slips a hand into the younger man's. They rarely hold hands outside of the bedroom, let alone in the streets so it's new but Scotia doesn't want to make Charlie nervous by drawing attention to it. "Charlie, whatever you do- magic- whatever...it's never dangerous...right?" He asks hesitantly, still feeling crazy just saying it out loud.

CHARLIE: Charlie takes a quick glance at their hands together and the image of the last time their hands were like that flashed for a moment.

Scotia on top of him with his hand tight around Charlie's, pressing him into the mattress, kissing his collarbones, making him feel amazing–

Scotia's sad expression telling him "I missed you last night–

Charlie, you didn't even bother, you just left–

If you don't feel like I'm worth at least trying to be good for then you have no place here tonight–

"Right?" he heard and came back to reality. What did Scotia ask him just now? Danger in magic, okay.

"Hm, I think it's much like your type of society. We are capable of being dangerous, but we have rules, penalties, and conscience to know we shouldn't act or have those types of desires."

Charlie holds Scotia's hand tighter in his hand, wanting to reassure him it wasn't something he should worry about. "I've got an easy life, very privileged, even by wizards' standards. So I'm safe. I'm very safe here right now actually, with you holding my hand." he says, giving Scotia a wink and a smile.

SCOTIA: It's hard for Scotia not to be soothed by Charlie's smile and his easy words, the charming demeanor he presents despite himself. "Don't be upset if I ask you all of this again in the morning," He takes a deep breath, "You'll have to forgive me for wondering if I dreamt up most of it..." He gives a dry chuckle hearing about this side of Charlie's life he never knew about. "Charlie, the fact that you're here, right now...when you can do that and whatever else you can do..." He takes a breath, "It's kind of unbelievable. What I mean is that it means a lot to me. You are safe with me. You've always been."

When they get back to his place Charlie will get to watch Scotia let his babysitter go, give her a chunk of the tips he got from the night out of his pocket because she had to watch his kid for so long. But he'll show Charlie to the bedroom and tell him to make himself comfortable while he checks on Jensen real quick. Charlie will get to look around the small room that's so different from how he lives. It's an intimate look into Scotia's life but when Scotia does come back Charlie gets cuddled so hard. He'll hold him like he used to weeks ago when they were still doing this regularly. Kiss the back of his neck and try to relax him because Scotia knows even if Charlie isn't showing it, he has to be wound up about this to some extent.

CHARLIE: Charlie definitely reciprocates, even with all the things hovering in his head, reacting to Scotia's body still wins over everything He'll kiss Scotia until their lips hurt, fit his legs between Scotia's and smell his skin and let himself do what he's wanted for weeks.

SCOTIA: He loses himself in that touch, he revels in it. He missed him so much and between their kisses, Charlie will hear it. Breathlessly candid. But Scotia can lose himself in the moment and in the way they literally hold each other all he wants. He can escape their reality for a few hours and a blissful night's sleep. But the fact of the matter is he'll have to untangle himself from Charlie early in the morning because his toddler wakes up early. He'll have to tend to obligations of his life that he wants Charlie to be a part of so bad but without overwhelming him.

CHARLIE: But for once, Charlie wakes up first because he kept waking up in the night. And one of those times, he gets thirsty and goes to the kitchen to grab some water. He basically wakes everyone up in the neighborhood almost screaming when he feels something touch his leg… And it's just Jensen

"Oh... Hi?"

Charlie's first interaction with the kid is almost him swearing and yelling. He stands there and the kid is looking at him with a tilted head clearly confused. Charlie is so awkward and scared. He'll do a childish wave with his hand and say, "I'm Charlie. You're Jensen, right?"

They end up hanging out on the couch between the kitchen and the rooms. Jensen clearly still sleepy but he was the one that climbed that first, Charlie just followed him. Charlie grabs the remote control and almost turns the TV on but Jensen's eyes went a bit wide when he touched that so Charlie felt like maybe he should not do that.

Charlie grabs one of the books on the coffee table and it's Jensen's and has thick pages filled with animals and simple scenarios. So he brings it and starts flipping through it. Not that he's interested but he has no idea what else he can do, he can't just go back to Scotia's room and leave the kid there right?

Jensen gets closer to look at it together and sometimes points and says a word, usually the names of the animals. They make their way through that book and two others before Charlie sees that Jensen isn't pointing or babbling anything more because he's basically asleep.

And now he panics again because what does one do now? He calls Jensen’s name a few times and pokes his cheek, making the boy frown, "Don't you want to sleep on your bed?"

And instead of getting up and walking back to his room, the boy raises his arms expecting Charlie to take him. He awkwardly takes Jensen back to his room and breathes relieved. F

Charlie goes to drink another cup of water and goes back to bed, close to Scotia.

SCOTIA: When Charlie comes back to bed Scotia is a sleepy bear who puts his arms around him and just tugs him close, just assuming he went to the bathroom or something. When they do get up for good Charlie will get to watch this little boy climb into his dad's arms like they are each other's worlds and that's so obvious in the way Jensen says dad and the way Scotia literally looks at his son while brushing back his hair. The way he talks to him and holds him.

Scotia literally chokes when he's talking to Jensen, trying to make introductions, "This is my b-" before aggressively clearing his throat. "This is daddy's really good friend, okay?" Mostly because he doesn’t want to alarm Charlie, but. But the moment Jensen lays eyes on him, he shouts “Charlie!!" And Scotia is thrown off by his son knowing the name already.

CHARLIE: Charlie makes fun of Scotia for that one, "You can call me your boyfriend, you know. I think it's better than being daddy's good friend. I'd never want to be just friends with you." He leans to give Scotia a quick kiss.

When Jensen calls his name all excited, Charlie just nods like "Yep. That is... My name." He’s still getting used to this interaction with a child thing.

SCOTIA: Scotia gets all red in the face for being called out about that. Licks his lips after the little kiss he's given and tells his little son this is his boyfriend. And Jensen doesn't care because he's tiny but it means a lot to Scotia, his heart is racing.

Honestly, Scotia is just glad that Charlie didn't freak having to interact with Jensen in the morning. He doesn't question it too much. He'll put Jensen down at one point and Jensen brings that book from the coffee table to Charlie and Scotia chuckles and tells his son, "Maybe Charlie can read to you a different time, buddy. We've gotta have breakfast so Charlie doesn't run late for the day okay?" And Jensen just looks between the two of them like ...but

Scotia tries to talk a little more over breakfast but he treads lightly because he doesn't want to overwhelm Charlie first thing in the morning.

CHARLIE: Charlie pulls him by his waist and tells him quietly, "We're okay, right? I thought I could go to the bar tonight."

SCOTIA: Scotia easily moves to Charlie and holds him. He doesn't answer the question directly, rather touches his forehead to Charlie's and tells him, "I love that you're here right now. Right here, in my shitty apartment, with my decent kid. I love that. I..." He swallows as a lump of emotions seizes his throat for a moment. "I really wanted that for a while. I just didn't know how to ask for it. It'll be so much easier for you to see me now that you've been here- now that you're okay being here. I'd love to see you at the bar tonight."

CHARLIE: Charlie wants to ask why didn't he say something sooner but knows that it will lead to a whole different discussion that doesn't matter anymore. Scotia seems happy and that's what's important to Charlie. He gives Scotia a not so innocent kiss and takes a few steps back, "See you later, honey.”

He winks and apparates right there out of Scotia's house.

-FIN

#jfc here it is lmao for future shyma and carol's benefit to have this storm of emotions regarding that one time we accidentally broke our #softest ship and had to stay up ALL night to fix it lmao #scarlie #c: Jensen Fallon #c: Scotia Fallon #o: Charlie Vogel #I wish I had a family tag for them? I can't use Fallon Vogels I fcking tainted that for myself in the butterfly effect drabble lmao #JensenxCharlie #my writing #other writing #transcript #scarlie transcript #how many things can i tag this as so i don't lose it lmoa #canon

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