#sometime in the afternoon probably
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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Keep your eyes peeled on October 5th.
(It’s chapter 4!!)
#can’t give an exact time but sometime in the afternoon probably#parasitical if#parasitical#progress update
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My brain after a minor setback in the day: KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS
me: Hah, oh you silly goose. Let's get this couple of hours of work done and then go eat yoghurt, okay?
#Sometimes people mistake me for well adjusted#this post brought to you by losing an hour this afternoon to a standing in the bath hosing myself off in cold water having a panic attack#and then right back to work#I'd really like to get this plot development done sweetie if you could stop having a tantrum in the back of my skull thanks#I should probably tag this but I'm not totally sure with what#suicidal ideation#great mental health tips
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sorry I saw the words Soldier and Big Naturals in a ten minute time span and my brain just put the pieces together. Blacked out for 40 minutes n woke up to this. Vote for that gay ass cosmetic or I’ll kill you. okay.
#tf2#tf2 fanart#tf2 soldier#soldier tf2#unreality#im not gonna kill ya I don’t even know you#Probably don’t need to tag that but paranoia goes crazy sometimes#ruths doodles#Soldier big naturals. On a Sunday afternoon too. Damn#butch fortress#I would’ve added nips but I’m a cowaarrdddd. No everybody would die immediately as well as I. This is for your own good.#he’s just too powerful.
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@katkastrofa: *writes a single throwaway line in one chapter of Lost and Found that is never referenced again*
Me, completely randomly and with no prompting: Alright, bet–
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original characters#as if I don’t have enough of those already#I really don’t know what possessed me here. I mean. sometimes my mind did drift to this mention of Zaheer’s sisters#because broken bonds is my absolute favourite LaF chapter. but I ever really thought of them that much since Kat never brought them up agai#and then about 24h ago I randomly remembered them again and was like. hey. p’li and ghazan’s sisters play a huge role in our stories#and ming-hua is an only child. so what of zaheer’s sisters? what are they like? do they ever cross his mind? are they aware of his crimes?#and in the afternoon I went digging through my art supplies bc I felt like painting and found my old 2020-2022 sketchbook with 2 empty page#so I thought. why not. it’s been a while since I’ve done traditional art. so I pulled up a reference of rich EK outfits from the artbooks#and got to work. drew this up in about half an hour? traditional sketching is a lot faster than digital for some reason#then took a picture and cleaned up and coloured in procreate. and I’m really happy with the end result#this was hella fun to do as well so.. win-win?#alright enough backstory rambling. on to the characters themselves#I looked up Zaheer’s name and apparently that particular spelling is urdu in origin. so I went off that#the article I found was written edited and fact checked by three pakistani women so I think it’s about as trustworthy as these things go#summiya means ‘a woman of proper name’ and aiza means ‘respected high place in society’. which I thought were fitting for noble girls#for outfits and hairstyles. like I said. I turned to the avatar artbooks. those things are life savers. I just played around with colours#looks wise I colour picked from zaheer and then shifted around a little so they look similar enough yet not like clones of each other#but they’re also teenagers here so they wouldn’t resemble book 3 Zaheer much anyway#kat never mentioned ages but since their mother was looking for matches I assumed they were older than zaheer#he ran off at 11 or 12 iirc. so I decided they would have been 16 and 14 respectively#though in their community matches are probably made much earlier than actual marrying age. still.#if it was such a pressing matter that their mother was ‘preoccupied’ with it. then they were probably teenagers right#that’s what I’m gonna go for anyway since currently I have no information to disprove any of this#oh yeah Kat btw if you did have images of Zaheer’s sisters in mind before this then you don’t have to replace them. I just filled a blank#we’ve never talked about them so I assume there’s nothing. feel free to correct me. maybe someday we’ll discuss their personalities/lives#all I have is that they probably weren’t too close with zaheer. and their lives now are all about husbands kids and status. but we’ll see#hope you like them anyways <3
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getting a migraine today of all days was so evil
#i wanna talk about me#i had a quick doc appt in the morning but after that i was home all day with no commitments#i had so much i wanted to get done re: packing and schoolwork#but my headache just wiped me tf out for most of the afternoon and evening#i ended up taking like a ninety minute nap cause i just felt so out of it#i did manage to finish my music history reading for tomorrow though i only had a couple of pages left#and i finished one reading for my library professions class. the longest one. but i didn't get to any of the others or the recorded lecture#like i wanted to#i did get my new internet set up. and made a big dinner with leftovers for the next couple of days#but. absolutely no new progress made on packing.#and no one on facebook marketplace is following up on the bedding i'm trying to get rid of 😫#i'm giving it away for free but the only three hits i've got never responded past the first message guys Please. Just Take It...#in hindsight it's probably the weather that did me in today. it's been rainy i think this is the straggling edge of a tropical storm or smt#i don't think pressure is exclusively the cause of my migraines but it does seem sometimes to coincide? idk...#i really ought to see a neurologist. but. sigh#not right now#i just better not get another one tomorrow or saturday or i'll turn into the joker fr. cannot be dealing with this again this week#ibuprofen isn't enough i need novocaine in my grey tissue
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strated writing and gave up on 2 separate posts basically just yelling about how mad it makes me that n24 is so misunderstood and accomodations are so unavailable. MAN
#.pdf#rd#theyre in my drafts now so i can look at them later and get mad again probably#“what do you mean you need to sleep more its one in the afternoon” ya and i went to bed at 9 in the morning fuck offfffff#im not waking you up at 3am just cos thats when im awake and energized goddamn#also been told “you just need to get up and come do work for like three hours every morning to get your body back on track”#(by my dad whose office i informally work at. to clarify the work part of that)#and its like. i think youre not understanding how bad of an idea that is. when i was still in school i almost fell asleep while driving once#when i push myself to be awake when my body needs sleep i start to be in physical pain. god. is it SO horrible of me to want to avoid that#i mean i feel like if it hurts thats probably my body saying Hey dont fucking do that! and the supposed moral and societal value of being-#-awake during the fucking day is not more important than my health!!!!!!!! GODDD#i just wanna live my life in relative peace and get decent sleep sometimes#n24
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I'm so fucking tired of ppl assuming I'm a teenage boy I'm not that young and I'm not a guy and it's funny when it happens occasionally and I'm in an amiable mood and idm being a little gnc ik I present somewhat masc even if its not rly intentional and ik my autistic/adhd mannerisms make me come across a little childish sometimes even if im constantly masking at work or in public and I can't control how other ppl perceive me and ik its natural for the human brain to make social assumptions all the time bc there's so much information going in and out it has to process so it automatically categorises shit so I don't mind it happening OCCASIONALLY but I've been getting so fucking many unnecessary comments lately and not just from strangers but ppl I know too and if one more person says some offhand shit to me I'm going to black out and bite until there's blood leave me the fuck ALONE
#got home and im so so so angry its not even that big a deal i dont even get annoyed when it happens every now and then#but these last few weeks ive had a fucking deluge of weird comments abt my age and my gender i dont fucking know why its happening more#and ive had enough im abt to snap. its been on the back of my mind as a vague irritation but it just keeps fucking building#so much stupid shit i cant even list it all here and its not just ppl mistaking me but sometimes going out of their way to be rude#and the fucking misogynistic shit ppl keep saying to me too especially at work please fuck off forever and die#i dont wanna get into it bc ill just get more pissed off im just gonna go cry in the shower and then ill be fine after#probably just feeling it more today bc i didnt take my afternoon meds anyway. altho this isnt the only time its upset me so.#ugh whatever..... its out of my control. and im not gonna go out of my way to try and conform more easily to other ppls ideas of me#bc im comfortable in myself and my body and with how i present so im not going to change that. just tired of dealing with assholes#and im tired of constant misunderstandings its much more than this superficial assumptions abt appearances like ppl who know me keep#making wrong assumptions or miscommunicating or just general poor judgement and that bothers me way more but its much harder to express#so im just getting more angry at the superficial shit as a proxy for it. ugh!!!!#well anyway. hopefully theres enough hot water left for me i want a scalding shower#grinds my teeth so loudly#.diaries#.vent
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i am genuinely so tired of my dad's gambling problem and im so annoyed at how im not allowed to get angry about it ever bc its "not our money" (the casinos give free money to start every week or whatever)
He made a HUGE fuss abt not wanting to take me to the book store and out to lunch yesterday bc it would take too long and he was going to have a big dinner later, and the only reason i agreed to do it today is bc he waved the promise of lunch + bookstore AND a haircut at me today. i never get to leave the house because my life revolves around him already so of course this is a big deal to me.
Only to change his mind the very last second bc he wanted to go to a fucking casino. This happens so often. I am so sick and tired. My autistic ass goes fucking insane when plans are changed like this and now this and I'm . so...
#Sorry i realize I probably sound spoiled as hell#Pretty sure the only reason we can afford all this rn is bc he won money or w/e#But ugh. my entire day. Gone. Lmao.#This happens so. often. too. He will leave in the early afternoon and not be home until 1am#after telling me he'd take me somewhere#and im just. Not allowed to get angry. bc he wins sometimes. I'm never allowed to be pissed off.#I want it noted he gambled away my college savings when I was a toddler lol so Like I dont fucking trust his ass#burrow.html#angry rabbit honking#<- here in case anyone wants to blacklist my vents
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🏥
#i will be hospitalized sometime this afternoon#ive never been before#if you have and want to share please do#i dont think theyll let me have my phone so if you see this late and i dont reply im just admitted#i hope they let me have a plushie#my gf has been taking care of me but she has work tomorrow#and i dont think i can be left alone#im kind of scared#i dont know what theyll do with my fresh self harm marks#i hope i get my own room#i know theyll probably have someone watching me#that scares me#i just hope they let me draw or color#maybe even watch tv or youtube#libby says its the best option for me#that they can help me#i dont know.
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I'm having chest pain??
#not to alarm anyone but.#that doesn't usually happen#it's probably just because I'm hot and sweaty and humidity is high so I don't breathe as well as I could#or maybe I'm just getting older and sometimes my body hurts for nothing#I'm probably not having a stroke at 25#manifesting#I'll just sit quietly and breathe deeply for the rest of the afternoon#I hate to be the fatty whose chest hurts at work
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ok but leaving your cat at the vet for surgery is just about the worst feeling
#my cat needs some teeth removed#probably forl#and im just going insane#like. im supposed to work today but how??#i can take him home sometime in the afternoon but thats like. at least 6h away
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I almost always sleep on my back, but I slept on my stomach on Saturday night (in a successful but misguided attempt to protect my curls from getting all smooshy) and now my lower back is HOWLING and it really is wild how easy it is to mess up your whole day with one dumb decision.
#I am just a frail old lady sometimes#it wasn’t even last night it was Saturday!#although the nap I took on my couch yesterday afternoon probably didn’t help
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i love how passionate and emotional fic seongjoong is when irl they're like... an arranged marriage... lol
#not to say that they don't like each other or anything but. atz in particular seem quite aware (and not hiding it) of the practice of#ships -- not as in 'fans produce fanworks of you' but rather 'fans like your dynamics! play it up a little'#and the leader + the second 'highest' member are almost always shipped together as the 'mom' and 'dad'#which kind of doesn't make sense because a marriage usually precedes having children but in kpop is like. well here's a group and you're#two eldest members so you automatically get the mom/dad positions. sometimes it works -- whether automatically or because the#aforementioned members feel the need to take care of other members as they're the eldest -- but sometimes the dynamic is clearly#just there for the fans. and i can't help but notice that a whole bunch of 'moments' in 'seongjoong compilations' are like... not authentic#moments of them enjoying their time together but them being awkward/having awkward banter/doing fanservice during fanmeetings#and that's Different from the organic air ie woosan have#this is not to make fun of seongjoong fans because I PERSONALLY put very dramatic seongjoong in my hashtag Fic Verse#but then my fic verse was kickstarted because of that hwalazia magic and a single line in atz diary from fever 1. so it is. shall we say.#not particularly canon-inspired.#but i WOULD kill and die for every single fanfiction in which seongjoong aren't romantic sweethearts at the first sight but rather Struggle#i feel like Struggling is this... sort of a facet of their Brand... and so is mutually taking care of each other lol#they're like. this arranged marriage couple who grew to care about each other. not like 'oh shit two months in i realized i'm incredibly in#love with my spouse!' but 'yeah yknow what i like you here. stay'#good afternoon everyone enjoy this meandering and probably incorrect analysis of a relationship between two kpop lads#shrimp thoughts
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i like how in opera the passage of time is more Suggested than anything else
#sasha speaks#like yeah you stabbed this guy last night. at night. and then you ran into your ex in the morning#and then you ran into a wedding party. in the morning? or sometime during the day ig. and then you invite them to a big party at your house#in the middle of the afternoon? early evening? whatever it doesn't matter cause then you're fucking around in the evening/night#in a disguise for like...at LEAST an hour. probably a bit more. and then it's like 2 am and you're in a graveyard#and there's already a full fledged statue of the guy you just murdered there. somehow.#and then immediately after that you're having dinner again.#like. Alright man sure
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Anyways I hope if y’all followed me for an F/O that wasn’t Kurt or D.raxum I apologize bc let’s be honest I very VERY rarely talk about my other F/Os ever.
#tbh I only keep my minor F/O list up bc I do have a soft spot for those characters#but honestly aside from Kurt and D.raxum? I don’t really talk about anyone!!#I MIGHT start talking about Wade (from the Sonic movies) more once the Knuckles show comes out#and sometimes I might talk about characters from my secondary list#but I’ll be honest Wade Sly Peach and then Vax/Keyleth are probably the ‘main’ secondary F/Os rn#then the Disney afternoon people are a whole ass different category#ALSO D.RAXUM WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE A MAIN F/O#IT WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A SILLY LITTLE CRUSH BUT THEN HIS REDEMPTION ARC HAPPENED#AND OH NOW HE’S JUST A GRUMPY MIDDLE AGED MAN WHO GOT DRAGGED INTO THE FOUND FAMILY AND ACTS LIKE HE DOESNT CARE BUT REALLY DOES#ALSO HE’S KIND OF PRETTY TO ME SO????#WHY DID HE BECOME MY MAIN F/O AND SUCH A BIG COMFORT CHARACTER LMAO#WHY DID HE PUSH KURT OFF THE NUMBER ONE SPOT#Kurt isn’t angry about it btw he knows I love him still
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