#something something the thing that Kendall is willing to kill is his siblings... But that is still not enough

[holly-mckenzie]

You're not a killer. You have to be a killer. But, nowadays, maybe you don't. I don't know.

SUCCESSION S02E10 / S04E10 created by Jessie Armstrong

[transmutationisms]

ooh can you go into kendall offloading his guilt to his siblings and then being seemingly over it in s4? is it just bc he wanted to tell someone? and they accept it basically unconditionally in that moment so he thinks he no longer has to carry his guilt?

sure yeah. i'm reading between some lines here and i'm willing to revise judgment if things change in the next four episodes, but here's how i see it:

in season 2, kendall's guilt was a combination of feeling he wasn't living up to what his father demanded of him, and feeling genuinely bad that he killed someone. logan saw his drug use as weakness and saw him going off with a (young, male, attractive) waiter as gay, and saw these things together as indicating that kendall was "a hothouse flower" (weak, needy, fragile; the opposite of the alpha type he wanted for an heir). but in addition, kendall shows genuine remorse, especially in the scene at doddy's house. by season 3, kendall is trying to kill his father, and he's trying to convince himself he's not like logan at all, because he's a good person. so he tries to convince himself he doesn't need logan's approval, actually, and logan's cruelty and abuse are not something he wants to aspire to. the problem is that he still knows he killed someone, and someone logan considers nrpi. that weighs on kendall because, if he dismisses doddy too, does that make him as callous as his father, whom he's trying to win a moral crusade against?

so, after this moral crusade falls to shit ("life's not knights on horseback"), kendall turns to his siblings in desperation. he doesn't elevate them to the centre of his moral universe the way he does logan, but he does think they're basically good people—certainly better than he feels about himself at that moment—and so their opinions count for something morally. and roman's response is, essentially, a more humourously-inflected version of "nrpi" that shiv signs off on. the waiter didn't matter, except insofar as his death was inconvenient for the roy siblings, and that's how roman consoles kendall and how the two of them bond in italy.

essentially to kendall this means that devaluing doddy's life is no longer exclusively a logan move. roman and shiv have signed off on this as well, and kendall can finally breathe easy knowing that having killed someone doesn't need to keep him up at night. doddy truly didn't matter. it's not a nice thing, and kendall is the master of repression so he probably just shoved it down into the recesses of his psyche, but in a way he really is freer in season 4 because he's simply come to terms with the idea that he's a roy, doddy was a working-class nobody, and he can just move on with his life now. what the show is suggesting here is that it would be impossible to be in kendall's position—the heir to an empire—and be functional under the terms of capitalism, and also have that type of guilt weighing you down. it would eat you alive. and kendall has never had the moral convictions to do anything principled about injustice (plus, like, who could overthrow waystar overnight?) and so his solution to this problem is the slow leakage of his humanity so that he can be what he was supposed to be—a roy.

[ripclaudia]

Just random ass talking here: I don’t see it talked about much, but an early Kendall scene that always gets me is before the disaster vote, he spends the evening with a burger and dad not being horrible, and that’s enough to make him want to call the whole thing off

here at megathumproy we support random talking about succession characters no matter the circumstances!

that scene truly is Something and it portrays pretty damn well how desperate kendall (and the rest of the failsiblings too, tbh) is for affection from logan. it keeps reminding me of what caroline said to shiv in 3x08 about the dogs and kicking them – no matter how badly logan treats his kids, they're always going to come crawling back. it's so fascinating how much they care about logan and his well-being even though he treats them so badly. even in s3 when kendall's only chance of survival was literally killing dad in the business sense, he ultimately wasn't able to.

that's why the team up in 3x09 is so interesting because it also means that finally the siblings are realizing that logan was willing to fuck them all over at once. i think that earlier there's always been the one spot at the top (also known as being named as the heir), occupied by logan's favorite of the moment, but in ensuring that none of his kids would inherit the company, the kids realized there is no more competing. they only failed because tom and consequently caroline, but the intent to kill dad was definitely there, which i think is really groundbreaking and it'll be very interesting to see what happens in s4!

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dreams and Nightmares

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: covid fears, nerves, fluff

Request by anon: hi there! i think i saw that requests we’re open and was wondering if i could have a one-shot with jensen x 15ish daughter reader or (something akin to that), where jensen and the reader play a song together play Dust in the Wind together at a con or jensen and the family goes to watch the readers pop punk/punk rock concert? (she’s a guitarist) sorry if this was very oddly specific, i’m just kinda down about not being able to play any gigs right now.

Summary: You love playing guitar and touring with your band. this whole virus put an end to everything that gave you joy. This is the first date that you get to go back out there, and you’re nervous as hell. Luckily, you have your dad to get you through it.

Squares Filled: panic attack @badthingshappenbingo​ // first time @spndeanbingo​ // “Don’t do anything I would do, and definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” @spnquotebingo​ // dreams and nightmares @genprompt-bingo // first date @goodthingshappenbingo​ // free space @spnfluffbingo​

Author’s Note: This is unbeta’d and all mistakes are mine. If you have any requests, please send them in!

This whole virus took the entire world by storm. No one saw it coming, and no one expected it to get this far into 2020. This entire year has been a shitstorm, and what’s worse is that all your concert dates have been canceled for the remainder of the year. The only way they are coming back is if this virus goes away, and that’s not likely at all.

Playing guitar is something you’ve always been passionate about, and you learned everything you know from your dad. When he goes to conventions with Jared and Misha, he can’t wait to get his hands on a guitar and play in front of everyone. It’s a gift, and he likes to share it with anyone who is willing to listen.

When you got old enough, he let you come to conventions with him instead of staying at home with your mom and siblings. It was a fun change of environment, but when you got into that green room, it’s where it felt almost like home. All the instruments were in there, and whenever your dad wasn’t on stage, he’s let you play some of them and teach you.

When you got even older, he let you come on stage with him and play along with his songs. The crowd loved you, and that’s where your whole career started. Everyone loved you so much, you took that confidence and energy and used it to create your own band. Every band starts off rocky, but you’re actually shaping to be a really great one. You gradually moved from cover songs to writing your own.

Every time you walked on stage, you felt like you could do anything and play anything you wanted. The crowds adored you, they sang along to your songs, and they provided with so much energy it was unreal. Why do people do drugs to get high when they can experience the highs you always get whenever you walked on stage? Playing music is part of who you are, and this whole virus thing put an end to that.

You couldn’t do concerts, you couldn’t go to music stores to buy new strings or guitars you really wanted. No one was allowed to go anywhere, and if you tried playing on the street, people stayed away from you. It tore your heart to pieces not being able to play, but it broke your father’s heart even more.

You were such a lively person before any of this started, now you’re a shell of who you used to be. Nothing really gets you excited anymore. Jensen doesn’t really know what to do except watch as this thing kills you from the inside out. All you do now is sit inside your room and play some of your old songs to try to remember what those feelings once felt like. Your band doesn’t even want to get together to practice anymore, and you’ve become so sad.

When will this virus thing end? This year? 2021? Never? All you know for sure is that you can’t wait for it to be over. Then maybe you can start feeling like yourself again, and actually enjoy making music.

During this time, not only did you spent all your time inside your room, you’ve been writing your own songs about how you feel and about this time. You have so many songs you’re in love with, and you can’t wait to perform them to your band and to the world when it’s ready to hear them. For months, you’ve been writing songs like it’s no one’s business, and you didn’t think you’d get to perform them so soon.

Now you can.

It’s unreal to think how much time has passed since this whole virus thing started and look at where you are now. You’re about to walk on stage again to perform to so many people who have been waiting for you to get together. The virus thing isn’t over by any means, but you made it so you could perform. With seats being six feet apart, doing more than one show in a city so that everyone can see you, and the guards handing out masks to everyone who doesn’t have one. It’s not perfect, but it’ll have to do for now.

It’s been months since you even set foot on a stage, and now that you’re here, you don’t know if you can do it. This is the first time you’ve been on stage in months, this is the first date of your concert, and everyone is counting on you to make this work. Your entire band is nervous, but you’re the most nervous of them all.

It’s just about ready to start, and you’re still in the green room with a panicked look on your face.

Jensen is waiting in the audience with his wife and other kids, but he knows something is wrong. The band hasn’t come out yet, and the concert doesn’t start for another ten minutes, but he can feel that something is wrong. He’s been on the other end of this too many times to ignore his gut feeling.

“I’ll be right back,” he mutters to his wife before leaving her side.

The guards stopped him from getting backstage, but once he explained to them that you are his daughter (and after he showed them ID to prove it), they let him through. He knew where the green room is, and when he entered, he saw you in the midst of a panic attack.

“Y/N, you’re okay,” he says and rushes to your side.

“What if something goes wrong?” you hyperventilate.

“First, you need to calm down. Okay? I’m right here. Focus on your breathing and slow down,” he says, and you nod frantically.

Your heartbeat is wild, your eyes are wide, and your breathing is ragged, but the more you stare into your father’s eyes, the more you calm down. Jensen smooths back your hair when he knows you’ve done what he asked.

“Okay tell me what’s wrong,” he says in a comforting tone.

“This is the first time we’re back on stage. What if I mess up? What if we’re not ready? What if--”

“Whoa, one thing at a time, sweetheart,” he interrupts you. “You know you’ve been practicing for months. You and the band have got this. You know you can do it in your sleep.”

“I can do it in my sleep,” you whisper.

“Look, I know it’s scary being back after everything, but you have to know that you are not alone. I am going to be right there, cheering you on. Your mom and sisters are out there right now because they are so proud of you. I am so proud of you. Whenever you feel nervous or scared, you look right at me. You have got this. I believe in you, sweetheart.”

“I love you so much,” you say and hug him tightly.

“I love you too, love bug. Now, get out there and kick some ass. Remember, don’t do anything I would do, and definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“What does that mean? You always say that.”

“It just means have fun, and don’t be afraid to try,” he smiles and kisses the top of your head.

“Hey, Y/N, we’re on in five,” one of your bandmates says when they enter the room. “Oh, are you okay? Hi Mr. Ackles.”

“Hey kid.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right out,” you nod, and he leaves the room.

“Kick ass out there.”

“I will,” you grin and kiss him on the cheek.

You follow your bandmate to the stage as your dad makes his way back to his seat with the rest of his family. You get on stage and into position at just the right time because the concert begins. You know these songs by heart, and your fingers play them effortlessly as they know the rhythm.

All your fears, dreams, nightmares, and worries are on stage right now, but as long as you have your dad right there supporting you, they don’t seem so bad. Those fears mist away, worries turn into excitement, your nightmares turn to dreams, and your dreams shine through the smile on your face.

This is your dream, and you can’t wait to follow it until the very end.

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[heauxplesslydevoted]

When The Shark Stops

Summary: Liam and Kendall have a long overdue talk. Follow up to my Liam x MC fic, posted here. I didn’t intend for this to become a multi-part thing, but I think I’ll make it a trilogy.

Tags: @senseofduties @lapisreviewsstuff @akacalliope @badchoicesposts @drakewalker04 @canknot @sirbeepsalot @hopefulmoonobject @texaskitten30 @eadanga @the-unconquered-queen @flyawayboo @aestheticartwriting @ao719 @zaffrenotes

~v~

A full night of sleep is something that Liam typically considers a luxury. He’s a king, responsible for the lives of tons of people, he has work to do. “Sleep is for the weak and the dead,” Constantine used to say. Crawling into bed late and waking up early is the routine he’s grown accustomed to.

But right now, he can’t sleep. His queen is tucked in beside him, snoring softly and their newborn is comfortably nestled in their bassinet right next to their bed, and he’s staring at the ceiling, unable to move.

He feels disjointed, in a way. He knows he should be happy right now, ecstatic even. He has a beautiful baby girl, and she’s healthy and Kendall is as well, but he can’t shake the melancholy. The overwhelming sense of dread crawls up and down his spine, makes a playground out of his mind, and disrupts any sort of peace.

It’s been like this for the past 4 days, ever since Eleanor was born, ever since he found out what Godfrey did to his mother, ever since he agreed to an alliance with Auvernal. If he’s not helping Kendall with their daughter, he’s in his study trying to formulate a plan. The other part of his time is spent like this, trying but failing to sleep. Now that he’s not actively doing something, his thoughts have ample opportunity to run rampant.

Your parents were murdered, one of you advisors has fled, Kendall is upset with you, and you’re one false move away from starting a war with Auvernal.

His breathing is hard and labored, his heart is beating 130 times per minute, and he can actually feel his pulse painfully throbbing at the base of his skull.

He turns and looks at Kendall. He envies the fact that she’s sleeping peacefully even though their daughter will be waking her up in the next hour or so. Her entire body is relaxed, and her hair is out of the way, fashioned in a bun so he can look at her gorgeous face. He gently runs a thumb along her cheek, careful not to wake her. She sighs in content, but thankfully she doesn’t stir.

She almost died because of you, you know, a thought flits into his mind. Multiple times. Assasination attempts, kidnappings, hell, she almost died bringing your child into the world.

Liam shoots out of bed, jumping away from Kendall. The adrenaline of the action makes his head pound harder and he doubles over in pain, wincing. He stumbles out of their bedroom on wobbly feet until he reaches their kitchen. His entire body trembles and he can’t pinpoint the cause.

“Pull it together,” He hisses sharply to himself. He rummages through one of their cabinets to retrieve a glass, hoping some cold water can calm him down. “You’re the king, for Christ’s sake!”

But he can’t. Now that he’s up, he’s opened the floodgates, the thoughts coming faster, each one more pervasive than the last.

You’re a horrible King, why do you think you can psych yourself up with a sudden reminder of your station? What was everything thinking when they told you that you deserved this job? That you would make a better ruler than your brother?

What type of King lets innocent people suffer through multiple assassination attempts? Why haven’t you learned your lesson yet?

You couldn’t even stop an old man—the man that murdered your mother—from leaving your own home! He was able to get the jump on you, and leave you trapped for good measure.

No wonder Bradshaw and Isabella were able to manipulate you so easily. Look at you. You’re weak-willed and pathetic. No wonder Kendall is so upset with you. She deserves a better husband, one who can actually protect her, and Eleanor definitely deserves a better father. Not even a week old, and you’ve already doomed her.

“SHUT UP!” Liam yells, to no one in particular. The glass he’s holding shatters, his grip on it entirely too tight. Tears prick the corners of his eyes and he laughs humorlessly. Why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back? “Dammit!”

He hears shuffling and a few moments later, the light to the kitchen turns on. He sees Kendall out of the corner of his eye. 

“What’s going on?” She asks. “I thought I heard yelling.”

“It’s nothing, I promise.”

She sees the shards of glass littering their floor. “Did you drop that?”

“Yeah, I got up to get some water and I’m just a bit clumsy right now.”

Kendall doesn’t believe him. Something doesn’t feel right.

“I can help you clean it up.”

“Nonsense. I made this mess,” his voice cracks slightly betraying his facade, “I’ll clean it up. I always do.”

“Liam, what’s wrong?” Kendall asks.

“Nothing is wrong.”

“We’ve been married for almost a year. I know all of your tells. I know you like the back of my hand, and I can tell when something is wrong.” She takes a step towards him. “So I’m going to ask you one more time, what’s wrong?”

He clenches his fists together tightly, willing himself to calm down. But it’s no use as the tears start streaming down his face. “I’m a failure.”

“What?”

“I’m a failure,” Liam repeats. “I can’t protect you, I can’t protect our daughter, I can’t protect this kingdom. I can’t even properly avenge my mother’s death.”

“You’re not a failure,” Kendall argues.

“Look at my track record, Kendall! It’s been one horrible mark on my reign after another ever since I took the crown. Drake got shot, Kiara got stabbed, my father was killed, Applewood is barely starting to recover from the fire. I couldn’t even keep you safe on our wedding day, you had to encounter not one, but two assassination attempts. I blindly trusted Godfrey to handle our security, not even knowing he was the reason I grew up with my mother and a younger sibling, and look where that got us. Now for my latest fuck up, I entered us into an alliance with Auvernal, and you hate me for it. Every bad thing that’s happened to us is a result of my poor leadership.”

Liam slides down to the floor and drives a thumb into one of his temples, hoping to rid some of the tension. Kendall gets down on the floor with him, wincing as she does so. Liam stares at her oddly. “What are you doing?”

“You got on the floor, so I’m getting on the floor.”

“Kendall, you need to rest.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Kendall says stubbornly. She grabs Liam’s face and forces him to look at her. “I made a vow to you, in that fancy cathedral, in front of our friends, families, and God and I promised that I was going to be your best friend, your fiercest protector, and your soft spot to land.”

“You don’t need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders all by yourself,” she continues. “I am right here with you. You know that, right?”

“Yes,” he answers.

“But do you believe me when I say it? There is nothing too heavy or too intense for me to tackle, not when I’m right here, right by your side. I’m not going anywhere, Liam. You aren’t alone.”

Kendall’s wipes away one of his tears. “What brought this on?”

Liam shrugs. “I don’t know. I think everything that happened the other night has really been weighing on me, coupled with everything that’s happened in the past year and a half. I can’t even get through writing our daughter’s birth announcement without spiraling into a panic.”

“I feel the exact same way. That 7 pound infant came here, and she’s made everything feel so much more...real. I can’t even get a glass of water without my mind instantly going to her.”

He nods. “I’m gad you understand. Her birth has brought up a lot of previously buried...stuff.”

“You’ve been through a lot, Liam. You aren’t Superman, traumatic things are going to weigh you down. And despite the privilege, you’ve been dealt a hand that most people couldn’t even fathom. Every person who doubts you or judges you couldn’t walk half a mile in your shoes. And in my biased opinion, I still think you’re doing an excellent job.” Liam manages to smile at that. “You aren’t a failure. You are strong, and brave, and loyal. You have compassion, you have integrity, you care about everyone, and while some people think those are weaknesses, I say they’re your biggest strengths.”

Liam leans forward, resting his head on top of his wife’s. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You know you can always come to me if you’re feeling overwhelmed.”

“Sorry. I’m used to dealing with things alone. It’s still an adjustment, having you at my side.”

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Kendall asks. “Go over speeches with you, write something, call someone?”

“No. No, you’ve done enough for now.”

“Now, can we go to bed?”

“Yes, my queen.” Liam stands up, helping Kendall as well. “But first, I need to sweep up this glass.”

“Leave it,” Kendall orders. “We can get it in the morning.”

~V~

When Liam wakes up later, their bedroom is dark. The heavy curtains leading draped over the windows are drawn, blocking out any light. He rolls over and notices the time on the small clock on his nightstand. He jumps up. It’s almost 1PM! That can’t possibly be correct. He’s never slept this late.

Kendall and Eleanor aren’t in the room with him, but he hears noise coming from their living room.

After taking a second to gather his bearings, he gets out of bed and leaves the room. But instead of seeing his wife, he sees Regina and Leo. She’s holding Eleanor in her arms, gently cooing at the baby and Leo is in the adjacent kitchen making himself a sandwich.

“Regina! Leo! This is a pleasant surprise.”

Regina smiles at Liam. “Hello, Liam.”

“What’s up, little bro?

“Sorry, I’m still in my pajamas. I didn’t expect to sleep so late.”

“Kendall said you needed some rest,” Regina explains. “She turned off your alarm and let you sleep in.”

“Speaking of my wife, have you seen her?”

“She’s in her study, getting some work done.”

“Work?” Cordonia has a pretty decent maternity leave, which extends even to nobles and royalty. No one expected Kendall to return to work until Eleanor was 4 months old. 

“Yes, she said she wanted to meet with Olivia and discuss some things. I took it as the perfect opportunity to hang out with the newest member of our family. And the cutest.”

Liam walks over to the couch, where Regina and Eleanor are sitting. He smiles down at his daughter, who’s silently looking at her surroundings. “Hello, my gorgeous girl. I hope you’ve been good for grandma Regina.”

“She’s been an absolute doll.”

“Yeah, you made a pretty perfect baby,” Leo adds. “She clearly takes after her mother.”

“I know that’s meant to be a dig, but I actually agree with you. She looks more and more like Kendall every single day.”

After catching up with Leo and Regina for a few more minutes, Liam returns to his bedroom to take a quick shower and changes into actual clothes for the day. He steps out of their personal quarters and heads downstairs to Kendall’s personal office.

He finds her and Olivia at her desk, papers, a laptop, and coffee cups spread around them. “Kendall, Olivia, What are you two doing?”

“It’s about time you woke up,” Olivia quips with a smirk. 

“Leave him alone, Olivia,” Kendall chides. “He wakes up before the sun rises every single morning. He deserves a break.”

Liam kisses the top of Kendall’s head. “Thank you. So, when I was walking down the hall to get here, I didn’t see Mara stationed at your door.”

“Because I fired her.”

“You did what?”

“Liam, let’s not pretend for one second that she deserved to be security for the Queen of Cordonia,” Olivia says.

“She has a new station, at the American Embassy in the capital. I told Bastien that I need a new guard, someone who makes sure I don’t get kidnapped. Or shot at. And can keep paparazzi at bay. And actually oversees security at the palace so a random noble doesn’t have a kill switch.”

When Kendall runs down all the transgressions they’ve dealt with in the past year, he can’t really blame her. “Very well. What else are you working on?”

“I sent a few guards to Krona, in case Godfrey shows up. Madeleine and Adelaide are still at their home in Fydelia, and are cooperating with law enforcement and the King’s guards...for now at least. I don’t trust them. I’ve also called Betty…”

“Betty?”

“Queen Elizabeth,” Kendall clarifies. “I informed her and the Prince of Wales that Godfrey might try to flee to Karlington, and if he does, they have to tell us right away. They can’t afford to protect him and piss off a powerful ally, with all the drama their monarchy is facing, so they promised to comply. And all major European airports know to detain him immediately.”

“You’ve done all of this in the…” he checks his watch, “7 hours that I was asleep?”

“Yes. After you went to sleep, I breastfed Eleanor and got to work. I know you said you didn’t need me to do anything, but this is my home and this is my family, so I had to do something. You know sitting idly by isn’t my strong suit.”

“Well, it seems like the two of you have got a lot accomplished.”

“Oh this was all Kendall’s doing,” Olivia says. “But I did help her with phase 2.”

Liam narrows his eyes at the redhead. “What’s phase 2?”

“Olivia told me that you had her spying on Auvernal,” Kendall explains. The color drains from Liam’s face and he opens his mouth to explain, but she holds up a hand to silence him. “Save it, I don’t mind, and I don’t need an explanation. But she did reveal some interesting information about their King and Queen.”

“Like what?”

“Well darling, you’ll find out soon enough.” Kendall takes a sip of her coffee. “Because I invited them over next week so we can have a nice chat.”