criminal-minds-incorrect-quotes

[criminal-minds-incorrect-quotes]

…again

Rossi: I want to be a father one day.

JJ: But you already are.

Rossi: Reid isn’t my son.

Later

Spencer: *writing in his diary* Dear diary, today I was disowned by my own father..

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Emily: Hey reid what do you want for your birthday?

Reid: the sweet relief of death.

Emily: One psychologist referral it is then…

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hotch: someone will die.

penelope: of fun!

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Spencer: Kill me nowwwww. Morgan: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my report.

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Emily, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Spencer, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Rossi, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?

JJ, also singing: I killed a guy, he deserved it

Penelope joining in: Hope my boss man don’t find out

Hotch, very concerned: Call the exorcist.

[criminal-minds-incorrect-quotes]

Local cop entering the BAU: So who’s is in charge around here?

Rossi sipping his coffee while watching Morgan, Reid, and Prentiss yelling trying to prove dominance over each other, shrugging: normally whoever is the loudest

[criminal-minds-incorrect-quotes]

Spencer: I think I could use a hug…

Penelope: Good thing I am amazingly hug shaped

*20 minutes later*

Spencer: you can let go now

Penelope: no I can’t

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Hotch: Yesterday, I heard Reid ask "Are you sure this a good idea? " and Emily said "Trust me"

Hotch: I have never move so quickly from one room to another

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Prentiss: *out cold on the ground*

Garcia: Oh my god, do you think they’re okay?!

Morgan, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Prentiss’s face*

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Emily: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?

Rossi: It’s just you.

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Morgan: What is love?

Rossi: An emotional minefield.

Reid: A neurochemical reaction.

Prentiss: Baby don't hurt me.

[criminal-minds-incorrect-quotes]

*While the Squad is in the field*

Rossi, trying to warn about the location of the unsub: To the left!

Morgan and Prentiss: Take it back now y'all!

Reid: *gets stabbed*

[criminal-minds-incorrect-quotes]

JJ: Emily... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Emily: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

JJ:

JJ: I wrote sanitize, Emily.

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Prentiss: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

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Prentiss, to Rossi and Reid: *holding knife out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?!

Rossi: ...

Reid: ...

Rossi: That is such an open-ended question.

Reid: Yeah, it really depends on a lot of different factors-

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Prentiss: Uh, Rossi? Reid is in the pool and I don't think they're waterproof.

Rossi: What?

JJ: I think they meant, Reid is drowning.

Hotch: WHAT?!

*Meanwhile*

Reid: *is drowning*

Morgan: OH MY GOD, REID! KEEP SWIMMING!

Reid: I can't swim, idiot— *sinks*

Morgan: REID!

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Reid: Do you have a bobby pin?

Rossi: Yeah. *searches in their hair*

Rossi: Oh, no, wait. I’m not a nine-year-old girl.