#something something last god lonely god...

[katnipp]

hey there delilah— jeong yoonchae

genre: angst

synopsis: before the world knew her as yoonchae of katseye, she was just the quiet girl in the back of the classroom—the one who loved y/n silently, in the space between glances and unsent messages.

warnings: unresolved tension, regret, they grow apart from each other .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.

a/n: i feel like a supervillain after writing all of this angst

—

before she was yoonchae of katseye,

she was just yoonchae.

the girl with chipped black nail polish and a sticker-covered water bottle,

who always sat one row behind y/n in biology,

who smelled faintly of vanilla and jasmine shampoo.

the kind of girl you almost missed if you didn’t know where to look—

but once you saw her,

you couldn’t look away.

she had a voice like velvet and a laugh that sounded like a secret.

never loud, never obvious.

just… warm.

gentle in a way most people didn’t know how to be at seventeen.

⸻

she used to write music during lunch.

knees tucked up, earbuds in, pencil moving quick.

no one ever asked what she was writing, except y/n.

“lyrics,” yoonchae mumbled one day, cheeks pink.

then paused.

“…i don’t really show them to people.”

but a week later, y/n found one of them folded into her locker.

no note. no name.

just one line circled over and over again:

“i love you best when you don’t know i’m watching.”

⸻

they never kissed.

not even once.

but they had those long, slow stares in crowded hallways.

those almost-holding-hands under lunch tables.

those sleepovers where the space between them felt electric,

like something waiting to become real.

and y/n?

she thought it was a phase.

a feeling that would fade.

a soft thing not meant to last.

she was wrong.

⸻

yoonchae left right after graduation.

no goodbye.

just an empty seat at the diner they used to haunt,

a disconnected phone number,

and an ache y/n didn’t know how to name.

⸻

the years after were quiet in comparison.

college. city noise.

jobs and roommates and people who came and went.

y/n dated. kissed. tried.

but it was never quite the same.

no one looked at her like yoonchae did.

like she was a song that hadn’t been written yet.

like every small thing about her mattered.

⸻

then came the night y/n saw her again.

a random wednesday.

takeout on the counter. the tv on in the background.

some flashy music award show.

and then—

“next up: global sensation katseye with their cover of ‘hey there delilah”

y/n barely glanced up.

until she heard the name.

she saw her

center stage.

she was under a single spotlight, with a guitar in her lap.

she strummed the first notes and y/n’s breath caught.

but the moment she sang—

god, y/n knew.

knew it before her heart could catch up.

before her breath could return.

before her body stopped shaking.

because that was her.

that was yoonchae.

⸻

she spent hours online after that.

found everything.

fan accounts. music videos. interviews.

a wikipedia page with too-little personal info and too many perfect photos.

but not a single mention of their hometown.

not a single clue about her past.

except the covers.

the lyrics.

the ones y/n couldn’t stop replaying.

“hey there delilah, what’s it like in new york city…”

and it wasn’t just another cover.

it was her.

all of her.

raw and aching and real.

and when she got to the line—

“don’t you worry about the distance, i’m right there if you get lonely”—

her voice broke, just a little.

and y/n swore, for a second,

she looked right at the camera

—

y/n didn’t tell anyone about it.

not her friends. not her roommate.

she kept it to herself—this strange, slow heartbreak.

this quiet knowing.

the girl who loved her in silence

was now being heard by millions.

and she still sounded like she was singing just to her.

⸻

the performance went viral.

people called it intimate. heartbreaking. beautiful.

but y/n?

y/n just sat on her kitchen floor, shaking.

because she knew.

she knew.

that wasn’t a song to a crowd.

that was a love letter.

unfinished. unanswered.

and maybe too late.

—

[kyoukorpse]

What kind of internal changes does Chirin go through?

Eldritch guts? Demonic heart? Just goop where there should be like, functioning bodyparts?

rubs my terrible little hands together... yessssss... they go through a lot of internal changes, physically and mentally. they have a slow progression to ascending to full godhood, but the whole way there they change very drastically as they get stronger and more revered.

chirin is mostly all there in the beginning, while they're serving narinder and then spending their time absolving the bishops and indoctrinating them over the first few centuries.

after all that they start getting taller, grow in their third eye, and generally start rapidly changing externally. their personality shifts considerably and they start having phases every so often where it seems like they're mentally checking out or not there entirely. such is how things go when you gave permission to your crown to affect and alter your mind/memories (something they of course can't even remember).

eventually they'll change so much that their entire personality and everything that made them them will be gone and they'll simply be just a god, a being that can only be reached when they want to be, and seen only when they want to be seen. while their insides slowly change to just being ichor tainted masses of flesh they still do have a beating heart in there, one just as vile as the ones they ripped out of the bodies of the gods before them.

this takes several centuries to fulfill, though.

[thatfriendlyanon]

i think part of my problem is i lived with my best friend for two years of my life and have been searching for the same feeling of joy & acceptance & support ever since

[cattysapien]

immediately having such a weird day

[matteoberrettini]

past 1.30am and i can't sleep... but like i'm thinking that i almost survived this year. almost made it. so close

[moodyseal]

Is it me or does the wording of the chapter title involving Zeus make it sound like he's the culprit

[anothermonikan]

affirmations: I am NOT lonely, I have so many friends who love and care about me who I speak too and see all the time (this is an unequivocally true statement but my brain isn't feeling it!)

[indiangp]

one thing about Tumblr is unless you have friends on here, having even a thousand followers is going to feel lonely... Does that make sense🧍🏻‍♀️

[kitchensinksurrealism]

songs that give me feelings so intense I can't even listen to them most of the time and have to take safety precautions when I do:

lonely by sadness

o superman by laurie anderson

the last 6 minutes of eateot

ohm sweet ohm by kraftwerk

[sparkly-skies]

@mondscheinprinzessin

LAURA LAURA LAURA

.... I might need to revise my meme. I haven't even slept yet but all this song makes me want to do is... idk, get better? Rob a bank and be able to pay for therapy and go get better? Get better and go to their concert and dance and sing along to the "oh damn it will get better even if I have to claw my way to it with my bare hands" song?

[floral-hex]

It’s a nice, quiet afternoon. Everything is peaceful. So why am I being hit with anxiety?

Maybe I need more coffee.

[todayisafridaynight]

STILL HAVING SUCH A NORMAL ONE ABOUT THAT RGGJO BUT NO Y7JO GETTING REALLY GOOD AT HOUSEWORK I SEE THE VISION… I'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down…

Because I've always wondered how unprepared Jo would've been going into everything. On one hand, he did leave home really young, but since he was working and Ikumi wasn't, one could argue Ikumi would've been the one to handle the housework at least while they were together.

Inversely, I do kiiind of feel like Jo would've done at least Some Things when he could to ease the burden on Ikumi based on his attempt to comfort her at the station. I'm reading way too much into it but it's notable that, despite him definitely being a smoker and them hoping for a miscarriage, the ashtray in their apartment is spotless.

But we only really see his living situation when he's with Ikumi and don't get to see what--if anything--changes when he's on his own, when he has to do everything and not just Some Things. But with regard to food, if you're in survival mode like that, while it is more economical to make food at home, it would make sense that any quality of cooking would be passable. That's not going to fly with a kid who's lived in the lap of luxury his whole life.

So I've always had a lot of feelings about Jo Bettering Himself for Masato's sake (even when Masato isn't necessarily being reasonable) and his overblown neurosis at the prospect of falling short--the post you mentioned in your tags is Exactly It. But, you know, it's cheesy, but I firmly believe he could do whatever he set his mind to, if he can manage to learn Every Martial Art and become a glorified (and very competent) accountant after dropping out of high school.

Also uhhhhhhhh entire post reminded me of this (びら on Pixiv) that's it that's the ask

Ok I'm glad we both caught on to Jo's attempt to console Ikumi and the considerably-clean home. Evidently he was probably self-sufficient enough, but nothing extraordinary- just whatever passed as 'suitable' for them, so it's not as though he's going in totally clueless (but certainly not knowledgeable enough to match Masato's extremely-high standards. Bless Arakawa but he definitely spoiled him a little).

Even if it is a 'cheesy' sentiment, Jo very much has proven that so long as it's for Masato, he's willing to do anything and everything no matter how big (joining the yakuza) or small (probably like. learning how to make quiche)

[nerfherder-02]

Again to no one in particular: I am proud of myself for putting myself wayyyy outside of my comfort zone yesterday!

A few guys from church said in the college age chat that they were going ice skating and put in an open invite. Normally, I would let my fear of putting myself out there (especially when guys are involved) keep me home, but I did it! I went! And I had a great time!

[runekept]

my uncle passed away and I'm trying very hard not to have a complete meltdown about it but we are rapidly losing the fight