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grimelords · 5 years ago

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So since the last time I posted one of these the entire world has changed dramatically and hopefully 4 hours of music will tide you over in quarantine for a bit longer. Strangely I’ve been busier than ever, and what started as a personal challenge to listen to a new album every day in February turned into me listening to 116 new albums in March and 124 in April. I’ve got a stacked google doc full of star ratings and dates now and it’s really been a lot of fun, I highly recommend trying it yourself. This is my March playlist, because I accidentally took a month off, and I’m thinking of either switching these playlists to weekly to make them a little more digestible or just dropping them whenever. Who knows. Let me know what you think and drop album recommendations in the comments please.

Listen here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k1JjT8fXcUFO6VpM3kaez?si=gWSv88vdShKSnHhLJ_80pQ

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On A Slow Boat To China - Bing Crosby & Peggy Lee: Ok first off it’s amazing this song isn’t more racist. I don't remember now how or why I came across this. I think I was just thinking about crooners and how as a genre it's now existed in common popularity as a nostalgic idyll of a mytholigised past far longer than it was ever actually popular which is interesting. The origin of this song, according to wikipedia, is also one of the most 40s ideas I've ever read: "I'd like to get you on a slow boat to China" was a well-known phrase among poker players, referring to a person who lost steadily and handsomely. The idea being that a "slow boat to China" was the longest trip one could imagine. Loesser moved the phrase to a more romantic setting, yet it eventually entered general parlance to mean anything that takes an extremely long time".

Fight Night - Migos: I saw that Offset had some new show on Quibi the extremely fake sounding streaming service and I thought "how did Migos get so world conqueringly large that they get to make 10 minute shows nobody will watch for a $2 billion venture capital funded app that will never make any money?" They seem to have this massive reputation without having much to back it up. The last thing I remember everyone talking about was how Culure II was two hours long in order to game streaming numbers and was simply not good. They seemed to have sort of settled into making background music for scrolling instagram. But then I remembered Fight Night and I thought: "oh wait, that's right, Migos are fucking great". Where their other big hits like Bad And Boujee and Walk It Talk It have this sort of laid back vibe where they've comfortably nailed the formula and relax onto it, Fight Night commands your attention. StackboyTwan killed the beat - it has this propulsive momentum where it feels like it's constantly ramping up, moving up from the sidesick and bassline in the verse, up to the claps on the beat, and the big gang chants on the offbeat once the full instrumentation kicks in - then it just goes around and around and around with the constant bassline the whole tim. It's a perfect all-rise production because it never actually explodes, it's all building tension held down by an unchanging bassline.

Do It Puritan! - El Hombre Trajeado & Sue Tompkins: I am extremely delighted to announce that Sue Tompkins of one of my all time favourite single album bands Life Without Buildings has broken a nearly 20 year musical hiatus to appear on this song by El Hombre Trajeado. It is so nice to hear how her voice has changed and her approach has stayed the same. Her style is so unique and so good and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

5 8 6 - New Order: Before 'the incident' I had tickets to see New Order at the end of March and so I embarked on a big listen through of their discography, which has now unfortunately made it feel even worse that live music is cancelled indefinitely.

Oom Sha La La - Haley Heynderickx: First of all I love songs where they talking about how they're writing a song halfway through. And I love songs that seem like a pretty normal singer songwriter indie thing where someone just starts screaming near the end. I love this song. A great staring at the wall and absolutely losing your mind because you haven't done anything with your whole life anthem.

Elektrobank - The Chemical Brothers: Can you believe I've never listening to a full Chemical Brothers album before this month? Can you believe big beat ever went our of style? It feels insane that we ever swapped this sort of energy for the beige algorithm of EDM. I think there's a real triumph in this album, and in this track especially of replicating the live feeling in studio. Giving it this much space to grow and change and get very hairy near the end is amazing, it feels like it was just recorded live.

My Mind's A Ship (That's Going Down) - Katie Pruitt: It feels very rare to me that this sort of extremely smooth Nashville prduction actually makes a song better. It has a habit of strangling the life out of a song and making it blend into a boring paste of soundalikes, but with Katie Pruitt it works amazingly. Her songwriting is so distinct and clear and her voice, especially near the end where it punches hole in the sky, is so strong and so her own that it doesn't need anything else.

Water - Ohmme: "What if Tegan And Sara were a noise band instead?" is a question I didn't know I needed an answer to. I love any band that has the guts to write songs like this that sound like pop from an alternate history, so off kilter and odd and noisy but with this undeniable pop heart that the duo vocals make sound like schoolyard clapping chants remixed by Lightning Bolt.

Lions, Tigers and Bears - SLIFT: A friend put me on to Slift and described them as French King Gizz and really, I'm inclined to agree. This is the traditional long last song at the end of their new album, and as usual I am advocating that every song should be the long last song at the end of the album. I love this style of jam where everyone else goes to space but the rhythm section just digs in and works hard as fuck for ten minutes. Then the whole last 3 minutes of the song are just fat drone riffs. This song's got everything.

The Pines - 070 Shake: This 070 Shake album is unbeleivably good and it warms my heart to see the dark energy of The Pines live on through another century in yet another permutation. I have more to say about it later in the Jackson C Frank version coming up but it feels like this 070 Shake album kind of came and went but I implore you to listen, it’s an aoty contender for sure.

Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On - Funkadelic: If you can stop thinking about the intro, which I certainly can’t (Hey lady won’t you be my dog and I’ll be your tree and you can pee on me.) there is so much goodness in this song. For a while now I’ve been thinking about how, for lack of a better word, ‘positive’ music is consistently underrated in the critical canon. Dance music, disco and funk especially are derided as empty sugar music, while every cookie cutter metal band absolutely demands to be taken seriously. In dance music this manifests as genres like tech house sucking all the fun and individuality out of music until it’s just an endless parade of producers working to a schematic of the barest essentials. It feels like you can’t have fun and be taken seriously at the same time, which feels like an obvious contradiction but shouldn’t be!

Spoils - Dry Cleaning: Dry Cleaning are my Lock Of The Month Band To Watch In The Future Because They’re Gonna Go Off. They have such a great sound and I’m desperate for an album because I just need more. This song absolutely knocked me down when I first heard it. I love any band where it sounds like the singer has just wandered in while the rest of them were rehearsing. There’s a very good talking-songs movement happening in the UK right now between these guys, Do Nothing and Fontaines D.C and i’m excited to see where it progresses. I might put together a playlist a little later to show you what I mean.

As - Stevie Wonder: I finally listened to Songs In The Key Of Life this month, which is an experience I would recommend to everyone. This shit goes for 21 songs over 105 minutes and absolute bangs the whole way. The original release of this album was a double LP plus a 7", which is yet another reason I am grateful for streaming that I don't have to buy a damn box set to hear this thing.

Sleep Now In The Fire - Rage Against The Machine: I am working on a very niche playlist called Songs Where The Guitar Amp Accidentally Picks Up A Nearby Radio Station For A Couple Of Seconds and it's only 3 songs so far. A Man A Plan A Canal Panama by The Fall Of Troy, Melody 4 by Tera Melos and Sleep Now In The Fire by Rage Against The Machine. In every single one of those songs it feels like a critical component even though it's just an accident that's been left in because it sounds good. Here it's the perfect ending as the rage dies down and the commercial world fades back in. Anyway, my other question about this song is about the great Michael Moore directed video where they famously shut down Wall Street for an afternoon. There's a shot of a guy for a second holding a sign that says Donald Trump For President in 1999. Which is odd but not out of the question, he's been famous for a long time and there's always been freaks. My question is why the fuck did he have that sign that day? Was he amongst the Rage Against The Machine Fans that showed up? A counter protestor? Was he, perhaps most chillingly of all, just walking idly around Wall Street with his Donald Trump For President sign like usual and stumbled upon this whole hoo-haa accidentally?

Applause (Purity Ring Remix) - Lady Gaga: Did you fucking know that Purity Ring did a remix of Applause? If there’s something I’d love to know more about and it’s Purity Ring’s forays into pop production. After their first album they did some production for rappers like Danny Brown in the great track 25 Bucks, which is a good fit really - their sound is witch house with the tempo pushed back up, witch house of course just being chopped and screwed reinvented by tumblr users. So it’s a natural fit to take that new perspective back into the world of hip hop. They also did this fantastic remix of Applause after their first album. Then, after their second album they produced 3 songs for Katy Perry’s Witness album, and one Katy Perry song for a Final Fantasy mobile game soundtrack (?) and feel like the long silence and delay between their second and third albums is because of more behind the scenes pop production work - but if that’s true, where is it? Is it, as I suspect, part of my own personal Pepe Silvia, Katy Perry’s scrapped 2019 album that has vanished into thin air? Or is it part of Chromatica? I think Purity Ring have solidified an interesting place in pop, paving the way for Billie Eilish and Kim Petras’ dark anti-pop and so i’m excited to see where they go after this new album now that they’re the architects of the new wave.

React/Revolt - Drahla: The smartest thing you can do is add a saxophone to your band. The whole first half of this song could go for 20 minutes of growling screaming saxophone post-punk and I wouldn't mind. Then when the second half of the song kicks in it's fantastic in the way this whole Drahla album is: it's tight and sprawling post-punk at the same time with a complicated structure that seems to just pile onto itself instead of ever circling back.

And I Was Like - Porridge Radio: I'm seemingly having a real thing this month for songs that open with a bizzare acapella chant. Between this and the Funkadelic one it's a genre I'm very interested in hearing more of. Isaac Newton was a virgin and it's important to recognise that. The thing I love about this song is how it's in 3 distinc sections: Isaac Newton was a virgin, she's a birthday girl in a birthday world, and mum no please it's grunge, and they all feel like the concentrated energy of a 14 year old's thoughts. She sounds like she's almost crying when she sings 'she's a birthday girl in a birthday world'. The concentrated confusing teenaged energy of this song is just overwhelming.

Dirty Mattresses - Mama's Broke: So much of contemporary 'traditional folk' either exists as pure nostalgia music or as music that's trying too hard to be 'authentic' and evoke a mythology of a bygone time, but Mama's Broke manage to make it feel new and modern but honest and authentic at the same time. The super close harmonies and modern approach remind me of House And Land who I also love, but the songwriting is in another class entirely.

Building A House - CHOPCHOP: I don't know if you've ever seen Bad Boy Bubby but CHOPCHOP feels a little like the band that he ends up joining at the end. A musical ensemble built to enable the will of a very strange man. I think the band is from the UK and I'm not sure where the singer is from, but he has this incredible deeply accented voice that brings such a gravity to everything he sings in the way that anyone speaking english as a second language accidentally brings new weight to common turns of phrase.

Universal Soldier - Jay Electronica: It feels fitting, looking back, that Jay Electronica finally released his album right before the world ended. It was literally now or never. Some how Jay-Z is the breakout star of this album for me. He's got some of his best verses in years on here and he's a great opposition to Electronica's flow when they trade verses. I would also, as an aside, like to know the origin of the kids cheering sample throughout this, because it's the same one from AM//Radio by Earl Sweatshirt and Wish You Were Gay by Billie Eilish. So what's that about.

Sticky Hulks - Thee Oh Sees: I've been very slowly getting into Oh Sees and I love them a lot so far. Their unweildy, huge discography spread across a lot of variations of the same name makes digging into them very rewarding as well. There's a great line on their wiki detailing all the times they've changed their name that goes: Orinoka Crash Suite (1997–2003), OCS (2003–2005, 2017), Orange County Sound (2005), The Ohsees (2006), The Oh Sees (2006–2008), Thee Oh Sees (2008–2017), Oh Sees (2017–2019) Osees (2019) to give you some idea of what we're working with here. Basically it's just everything you could want from a pychedelic band like this: a history and discography as shaggy as the songs themselves.

Knife On The Platter - BODEGA: In reading about Bodega I learned that they don't have a drummer in the traditional sense. They have someone credited as a 'stand up percussionist', and in listening back I realised that's they key to the groove in their music. He's not playing a kit he's just slamming at a tom and a snare on a rack, while one of the singers plays hi-hat here and there. So all the drumming has this barebones caveman feel to it and I absolutely love it. The band feels a lot like The Fashion, and that whole mid-2000s dance-punk movement that I've been desparate to come back so naturally I love it a lot.

Against Gravity - Horse Lords: Horse Lords are one of the most incredible bands I've heard in a long time. Somewhere between a more analogue Battles and Laddio Bolocko, they make a kind of churning math-jazz that sounds like huge intersecting squares of rhythm slowly overlapping. It feels like there's an infinite depth in these songs, you can listen and focus on a single instrument and see it shifting in and out of place with everyone else, before you lose it again and it retreats back into the swirling mass.

Plain To See Plainsman - Colter Wall: I've been listening to this Colter Wall album a lot, and it's really beginning to rank among my all time favourites. I grew up around the flattest place in the southern hemisphere, so I love the plains and it's very nice to have a cowboy song I can relate to like that.

The Nail - Sarah Shook & The Disarmers: Sarah Shook has so much character in her voice I completely love it. She is also a fantastic songwriter that manages to make outlaw country punk that sounds authentic and doesn't have the rockabilly posturing that a lot of the genre suffers from.

Inner Reaches 慾望的暗角二 - Gong Gong Gong 工工工: The best thing about Gong Gong Gong is you can listen to this whole song before you realise they don't have a drummer. They're a guitar and bass duo that play and sing with such a layered rhythmic intensity between the two of them that they really don't need one. A drummer would just clutter the space already taken up by their ferocious rhythm.

Country Pie - Bob Dylan: I'm a big fan of Bob Dylan's dumb songs. He has a lot where if it's the first song you ever heard from him you would be mad at whoever told you he was the greatest songwriter to ever live for trying to trick you like this. What I especially love about this song is how abruptly it ends, like dad just came home and everyone panicked cause they're know they're not supposed to be staying up that late.

You Did It Yourself - Arthur Russell: It seems hard to believe that I've only just found out about Arthur Russel. He seems to be a mainstay of Music Guy lists and somehow I've only heard of him this month. I've been obsessing over the Iowa Dream album, which is a compilation of a lot of different (mostly extremely high quality) demos from the late 70s to mid 80s and what really shines through other than the singular strength of his songwriting is how readily and easily he bends from country style folk to romantic piano ballads, to groovy post-punk like this. What I love so much about this song is it's a great lesson in songwriting: sometimes a song can just be a vague review of a middling movie and still have emotional resonance. Incredible. There's a great NPR article about Arthur Russel and the process of assembling half-takes and demos into complete recordings that you should read if you're interested. https://www.npr.org/2019/11/20/779721417/which-arthur-russell-are-we-getting-on-iowa-dream

The Dogs Outside Are Barking - Arthur Russell: I love this song because it's such a perfect distillation of a teenaged moment: trying to find a moment alone with someone when you have no freedom at all to create one. The song cycles through potential situations but leaves the problem unresolved, existing in the moment of nervous romantic tension preceding an unasked question and it's just beautiful.

Men For Miles - Ought: I love the vocal melody in the verse here so much. Spiking up unnaturally at the end of the lines like a nervous and strange version of The Strokes. Even the way he cramps his words in in the chorus is so good, switching registers randomly like he's impersonating someone else.

Mister Soweto - Lizzy Mercier Descloux: https://pitchfork.com/features/from-the-pitchfork-review/9828-lizzy-mercier-descloux-behind-the-muse/ Pitchfork has a great article about Lizzy Mercier Descloux detailing how she is continually undervalued and underappreciated. I found her though my Discover Weekly and became immediately obsessed with this album - a perfect mix of off-kilter 80s bass and brass that is so colourful and seems to move in a million directions at once like the songs can't even catch up with themselves sometimes. I'm excited to dig into her discography more and try to understand her more because she has a truly unique approach that I can't get enough of.

Sweden - Marilyn Crispell: I've been looking for a while for other pianists of Cecil Taylor's calibre, rare type that it is and I am so glad to have finally found out about Marilyn Crispell. She plays free jazz like Taylor, but in much less percussive and disonnant style. There's a New York Times quote that seems to follow her that says "Hearing Marilyn Crispell play solo piano is like monitoring an active volcano. She is one of a very few pianists who rise to the challenge of free jazz." and it's really very apt. She will move with seemingly no warning at all from mediative, colourful stokes to a mad descent unto uncertainty and beyond, then back again without a moments hesitation. Her music moves like a dream, linking a stream of unlinked images with an ease that only seems incongruous on reflection.

Twins - Gem Club: I have loved this song for a very long time and I come back to it over and over and appreciate it anew. What I appreciate about on listening to it this time is the strangeness of it's structure, following up the verse with an instrumental break, and then a long instrumental intro to the chorus gives it so much space to spread out and breathe, giving the beautiful gravity of the song even more weight. Then after the chorus it moves straight to a bridge and then the intro and first verse again. It's a fantastic song that makes it's small parts so large, where another songwriter or another producer would pare them down.

Grand Central - Paul Cauthen: Something I've learned in listening to a lot of cowboy music is that the number one thing that cowboys hate and fear is getting hanged. They hate it worse than cats hate getting sprayed with water. I found out about Paul Cauthen combing through Colter Wall's similar artists looking for more of this brand of new old fashioned country and I really found it here. Paul Cauthen comes from four generations of preachers and left the church to pursue country music instead, which feels like an extremely old fashioned position to be in here in 2020 but I guess lots of people in Texas still live like that, and thank god they do or we wouldn't have Paul Cauthen's big mournful Elvis voice to sing us songs about the railway.

Serafina - BAMBARA: I love this sort of spoken word leather jacket rock and roll. It's so extremely Cool in an old fashioned way. Like a more rock and roll version of Enablers.

So 4 Real - The Hecks: I love love love this song that sounds like a sped up Prince demo. The strange thinness of the mix and the way the vocals are buried just makes it sound so strange and great, like it was put together on some ancient 4 track recorder that can't handle the pure energy of the song.

In The Pines (Version 2) - Jackson C. Frank: There's a very good 3 hour compilation of Jackson C. Frank recordings that came out a few years called Remastered And Unreleased that I listened through the other day. It's just magnificent. This version of In The Pines is one of my favourite I've ever heard, the mournful vocals coupled with his churning rhythm guitar really brings out the darkness of it in a way I've never heard.

(Tumble) In The Wind (Version 1) - Jackson C. Frank: Another favourite from this compilation that is slightly hard to listen to. I don't know if there's a date on it but I'd guess this was recorded near the end of his life. It is so beautiful, but you can hear in his voice and breathing that he's unwell. In Horseshoe Crabs by Hopalong she sings a story from his perspective this song really seems to fit in the second half of that. "Woke from the dream and I was old / Staring at the ass crack of dawn / Walked these streets up and down / Looking for Paul Simon / All I found was myself, lost in time / I tried singing my songs / But I lost my mind"

Sludge - Squid: I'm thinking of putting together a playlist of all the great Black Midi-adjacent bands I've found out about recently and Squid is at the top of the list. This new breed of art-punk is so fantastic and goes in a million different directions. I'm just so excited it exists.

Straight Shot - Quelle Chris: I love this song and Guns is a phenomenal album but there’s one thing bothering me. The ‘who are you, what are you’ part at the end sounds so incredibly familiar to me and I can’t figure out why. As far as I can tell it’s not a sample, but googling reveals that the english voice on it is fucking James Acaster the standup comedian. So what’s going on? Quelle Chris himself is less than helpful: “Straight Shot is one of those ideas that reached out to me, we got along and I simply showed it around town. The chorus, poem at the end and basic piano progression literally came to me in two separate dreams”. Who knows. Great song though.

Levitation - Dua Lipa: What I really like about this song is that she says sugarboo. This whole album bangs and Dua is really reaping the benefits of being the only pop star with the guts to release an album while everyone’s in lockdown I also have a half-baked theory about the way this song is almost interpolating Blame It On The Boogie in the ‘moonlight, starlight’ part as a sort of aggressive takeover of Michael Jackson’s cancelled legacy. Which is smart really. The same way Taylor Swift is re-recording her albums, let’s just get The Weeknd in the studio for a couple of days and give the world back it’s bangers.

Another Crashed Car - Nine Inch Nails: I am so glad Trent Reznor put out another two volumes of Ghosts. Ghosts I-IV from 2008 seems to have been the bridge from his Nine Inch Nails work to his film score work, and now that he’s had such success with that it’s nice to hear him writing in this style without telling anyone else’s story again. It’s also interesting for him to go back to this project now that Ghosts I-IV has paid dividends in the form of the sample at the centre of Old Town Road but that’s neither here nor there. It’s hard to pick and individual track from these, because they work so effectively as long form albums and not individual tracks, but I chose this one because I put the album on as background ambient while I was doing some boring data entry at work and this track is the point at which I realised I was going out of my mind with stress from doing the simplest tasks because of Trent’s Damned Chords.

Lilacs - Waxahatchee: This is a perfect song. It makes me want to like, draw charts about it and go through it bar by bar to figure out how she did it. It’s perfectly put together. It feels like she uses every trick in the book and it just comes together flawlessly in 3 minutes. Amazing.

Cool Water - Hank Williams: I decided to properly listen to Hank Williams because his shadow stretches over so much of country music, and while a lot of his music really alienated or bored me, and a lot of his songs feel like they would read as novelty songs today (like Hey Good Looking), this is the song that made me understand why he’s so revered.

In My Bones (feat. Kimbra and Tank And The Bangas) - Jacob Collier: Jacob Collier generally irks me. He makes brain music for redditors that lose their mind when someone shows them chord inversions or odd time signatures. Youtubers whose whole personality is ‘y’all heard Giant Steps?’ But he killed it on this song. It’s great despite him. There’s still a lot of corniness to work through, mostly in the big yuck funky lyrics, but structurally it’s a kaleidoscope and a big chunk of its success I’m putting down to Kimbra and Tank who understand that performance is a bigger part of a song than composition in a way Collier maybe doesn’t yet. He can overload the bassline and stop-start the rhythms as much as he likes but without actual personalities driving it it’ll just sound like a Peter Gabriel midi played at 200%.

Earthquake - Graham Central Station: I learned something wonderful in researching this band. The leader, Larry Graham, who was in Sly And The Family Stone is credited with inventing slap bass. He himself refers to the technique as "thumpin' and pluckin' ".

Quand Les Larmes D’un Ange Font Danser La Neige - Melody’s Echo Chamber: Once again furious that I’ve known of Melody’s Echo Chamber for years but never listened to them until now. I have been missing out. This is a perfect sprawling psychedelic jam punctuated with a bizzare cut-up recording about shitting yourself when you die and being declared brain dead in the vatican. It’s got everything. I had to look up who the drummer was on this song because he’s just nailing it, and it turns out it’s Johan Holmegaard from Dungen which is really a perfect fit.

Murder Most Foul - Bob Dylan: I was thinking the other day about how Bob Dylan is doing in quarantine. The man who hasn’t stopped moving his whole life and who’s been on a never ending tour since the 70s is now, I assume, just pacing a hole in a hotel carpet somewhere and jabbering to himself. The strangest part of Bob dropping this 17 minute song about JFK out of nowhere is that he hasn’t put out any original music since 2012. So a gigantic song like this is an even bigger surprise. I, already a huge fan of gigantic songs and Bob Dylan, unsurprisingly love it. I love the slow stirring of the instrumentation, like he hired Dirty Three as a backing band and I love that nearly the entire second half is just listing good songs that he knows. It’s a remarkable song and unlike anything i’ve heard before from Dylan or anyone else. It’s interesting to hear Bob Dylan step into being the great chronicler of the 60s like he’s been told he already was his entire life almost 50 years later, finally accepting the fate foisted on him. The other thing I love about this song is the line when he for some reason praises Lee Harvey Oswald’s shooting “Greatest magic trick ever under the sun / Perfectly executed, skillfully done”

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k1JjT8fXcUFO6VpM3kaez?si=gWSv88vdShKSnHhLJ_80pQ

#playlists

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canumoveurseatup-no · 6 years ago

Text

Lush pt.2

From my new miniseries Lush Life

Summary: You and Steve have now set the rules for your new relationship and things are going extremely well. With an influx of college work and trying to do well with your internship, you get too deep into your own head and Steve is there to help you release that stress.

Pairing: Dom!Steve x Black!SubCamGirl!Reader

WC: 4.7K

Warnings: 18+!!! daddy kink, Dom/sub dynamics, subspace, pain kink, tiny bit of angst, aftercare.

A/N: I think Lush is one of my pieces with the most notes and I’m just like WOAH! Thank you all for the support, I hope you all like this part just as much!! If you like it please leave verbal feedback and reblog

Lush’s Rules

Rule #1: Always be honest with Daddy

Rule #2: Don’t be afraid to safe word, you will not be punished for it.

Rule #3: Punishment will always fit your actions

Rule #4: Never exceed each other’s hard limits unless consented beforehand

Rule #5: Confide in Daddy when it comes to your stressors and personal matters

Rule #6: I may be your Dom but you set the pace, don’t be intimidated

Rule #7: Don’t be bratty. It will result in a punishment.

Daddy’s Rules

Rule #1: Be patient with me, I am new to this.

Rule #2: Don’t be afraid to safe word if I ask for something out of your comfort zone

Rule #3: Don’t be afraid to discipline me

Rule #4: Be honest and don’t be afraid to open up

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After that night, you and Steve had set terms for each other and things were going smoothly. The team had been badgering him to let them know what he thought of Camgirl Clubhouse and all he said was “he found what he needed and was sticking with it”. While the other guys were talking about their favorites, Steve kept you a secret. They were practically begging him to let them know the details so they could search for the very cam model that pulled Steve out of his funk and turned him more happy go lucky more than usual.

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“Come on man, how was it?,” Sam urged, sitting on the edge of his seat.

“Let’s just say it was more than I bargained for and it was better than I could have ever expected,” Steve smirked at the people interrogating him.

“Oh no, don’t cop out we need more than that,” Bucky nudged him.

You walked in the room, also very chipper but they didn’t expect anything less out of you as that’s how you were, “Hey guys, whatcha dooooin’?,” you smiled cutely at them with your notebook and folder in hand waiting for Happy as he drove you to campus. You’d told Tony thousands of times that you could drive yourself but he said it would give him peace of mind to know you’re getting to and from campus safely.

“Steve here busted a few last night thanks to some mystery camgirl and he won’t tell us who. It’s a bit selfish, we want in,” Nat crossed her arms and stared at Steve. You felt your cheeks heat up as you tried to keep in a chuckle. So now you know where he got the idea of visiting the site from in the first place.

“Nat!,” Steve scolded, “Not everyone needs to know that,” Steve turned red as if he didn’t just fuck you into the next century last night. Smacking you back and forth between realms, and making you cry tears of ecstasy.

“It’s okay, Stevie. I have my own site that I like to visit and I had a great night as well. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Times have changed. Sex isn’t taboo anymore,” you winked at him and everyone turned back to you in question.

“And what site was that?,” Wanda asked but Vision grimaced at her, “What? I didn’t know there were specific sites for guy cam models,” she defended.

“We’ll talk later,” you told Wanda, knowing she’d probably forget about the conversation before you even came back.

Steve raised a brow at you and rolled his tongue in his cheek before biting it, crossing his arms. He knew you were playing games and he enjoyed the teasing.

“Anyway!,” you grabbed a breakfast shake and a fruit cup out of the fridge after your phone beeped from a notification to let you know Happy just arrived, “I’m glad you could finally relieve some stress Steve. It’s healthy,” you patted his shoulder before skipping out of the room. He watched as your ass and lovely thighs jiggled as you bounced and it reminded him of the way your skin rippled as you lied beneath him calling him Daddy like it was a prayer just 12 hours ago.

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Things were great at first, you were following your rules, you weren’t being bratty and you and Steve were stable in your new relationship, giddy with the fact that it was more than just sex to the both of you. But then your semester hit you like a freight train. You were drowning in essays which you hashed out and did well on but then the internship and the reports were draining you. You were a workaholic and everyone could see that so when you’d run around after being at campus all day and not talk to anyone because you were trying to get shit done, they didn’t blink an eye. But because you and Steve had discussed your exclusive relationship and the dynamics, he wasn’t too fond of it. You were working yourself to death and weren’t acknowledging him and when you did you were bratty and Steve had strictly told you not to be bratty with him.

--------

“Who do you think you’re getting snippy with?,” Steve’s voice was low as he stepped close to you. No one was in the kitchen or near it, just you two.

“Who do you think you’re getting snippy with?,” you mocked.

Steve took another step close and wrapped his hand around your throat, not enough to have you panicking for air, but enough to let you know he wasn’t in the mood to play with your bratty antics.

“I’m gonna need you to get your shit together. You don’t take your bad attitude out on, Daddy,” he gritted through his teeth.

You huffed and his grip tightened a bit, expelling a whine from you, “I’m serious, Y/N. Don’t test me,”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” you frowned.

“Not good enough. You wanna act bratty? Well fine, just know that brats don’t get to cum like good girls and looking at how you’re acting, you’re facing a lot of time without any play from me,” he released his grip on you

“That’s fine,” you shrugged, “I don’t need it,”

He did that damn thing with his tongue in cheek and biting the inside as he nodded again, “Remember that,” He kissed your forehead and walked away. You knew you just fucked up, but you were too deep to try and go back to fix it. You’d still get a punishment either way.

---------

But you were so deep in your own head that the specific rule had slipped your mind. You had accepted Steve as your dominant because you needed that structure in your life and you were finally getting it but with everything going on, you paid it no mind.

“Y/N, I’m gonna need you to take a break,” Steve came up behind you in the lab while Tony and Bruce took a lunch break, class was cancelled today so you took this as the chance to finish up those damned reports, “Not for me but for yourself, you’re running yourself into the dirt, baby,” His hands held your waist lightly and he kissed the back of your head. As much as you wanted to meld your body into his, you had to focus, “I-I can’t I’m almost finish, then I’ll take my break,”

You heard him sigh behind you and he turned you to look him in the eyes, “Baby, I’m not gonna ask again. You wanted structure, I’m trying to give it to you but you’re not listening,” Steve spoke in a stern tone and you felt a few bricks from your wall get chipped off.

You were so close to giving in but you had to finish, “I-I can’t, Stevie... just let me finish and I-,”

“You’re off to a bad start. First you’ve been acting bratty all week then when I ask you to take a break so you don’t drive yourself insane, you ignore it and talk back. Keep it up and you’ll find yourself with a punishment and not a fun one,” his nostrils flared and you gave him puppy dog eyes before biting your lip and turning back to your laptop to finish the report.

“Suit yourself,”

——-

And suited yourself you did. Now you found yourself in the corner of your bathroom with uncooked rice under your knees.

“Daddy, it hurts,” you whined. He had set a timer for 15 minutes in time out then you’d be done.

“Each time you whine I add a minute, each minute you spend quietly, I deduct two. It’s really up to you,” Steve sat on the edge of the tub with a smirk and you whined quietly. He knew you’d enjoy being spanked so he took another route. Kneeling on uncooked rice. You had set a list of punishments that you were okay with and though the idea of this was new to you, you were willing to try it. You felt yourself starting to sink back on your heels but Steve yanked you up straight by your collar, “Stay upright, baby or I add time,”

You were having a hard time following this. You felt tears prick your eyes as he stared back at you and that’s when you felt yourself starting to regress into subspace, you didn’t quite know that though as it never really happened to you before but with Steve, it happened naturally. In this moment, only you and Steve existed. Not the rice under your knees, not the dripping faucet from when Steve put water on your knees to make the rice stick, not even the TV playing in your room, it was just you two. You were so dizzy with thought that you didn’t realize he deducted your time because you were so quiet.

He brought you up to your feet and kissed your lips, barely touching them. You moved into him and your hands tangled in his shirt, “I need you, Daddy,” you huffed and you knew he’d deliver, but not without the price of sexual punishment as well. He carried you to the bed and locked the door, telling FRIDAY to turn on the soundproof setting before going into your closet and taking out your fuck machine. He removed your panties and big shirt, just admiring each inch of your body. He kissed your thighs and you sighed in content. You couldn’t really describe your headspace but it was like a big cloud that you just continued to sink down as the time passed and it felt wonderful.

He spread your legs and ran his finger up and down your slit, teasing your clit until he started to see you glisten with your juices. He leaned forward and gave your clit little licks in which you tried to close your legs to shy away from. He forced your legs open and spanked the inside of your thigh,

“Don’t do that. Stay open for, Daddy,”

“Y-yes, Daddy. I apologize,” your hands were by your head and they clenched into fists as he slowly ate you out. Your mind was like a corset and he was slowly unraveling the ribbon ties. He pushed two fingers into you and you sucked in a sharp breath, letting him please you. All that was on your mind was Steve. The man who quite literally, signed a ‘contract’ to be your Dominant and take care of you in every aspect, inside the bedroom and out. When it came to BDSM and your Dominant and submissive dynamics, it was more than just blindfolds and ball gags. It was a connection and bind that only the people in the relationship understood because each relationship is different.

He continued licking your clit as he pumped his fingers, you tangled your fingers in his hair but he wasn’t with you touching him right now. He removed his fingers from you and laced them with yours to keep your arms pinned. His face was buried in your pussy as you moved your hips again his mouth. He let you have your fun as you cursed out at the air about how good his mouth felt. “Daddy, may I cum?,” you asked. Your hips started to stutter as you were climbing the mountain that was your orgasm and was about to reach the peak. Steve smiled against you as he flicked his tongue against your sensitive clit, sucking your lips into his mouth and slurping all the juices you were giving him. He withdrew when he felt your walls flutter against his tongue, you were coming up on your first orgasm of the night, but like he said, brats don’t get to come like good girls. You cried out when you were denied, from this, you sunk further into that cloud. Haziness starting to take over completely.

He pulled you further to the edge of the bed and pushed your machine toward you. He spread your slick lips open and placed the head of the dildo right at your opening before taking the remote and turning it on. The machine starting to slowly fuck you and you tried to crawl backwards, away from it but Steve straddled your stomach and started playing with your hardened nipples.

“It’s just you and me tonight, baby. No camera, no audience, just you and me and I’m gonna get you how I want you. So be a good girl and take it, I’ll reward you when I feel you’ve deserved it okay? Can you be a good girl for daddy?”

You peered up at him and your eyes glistened, your mouth hung slightly open before squeaking out an “Uh huh” and a small nod, “I- I promise I’ll be good, Daddy,”

“Good,” he wickedly smiled at you and turned up the pace of the machine, making it go faster.

“Oh G-God!,” the machine was hitting deep and hitting all the right spots, “I don’t wanna be a bad girl and cum w-without your permission, D-Daddy. Make it stop I’m gonna cuuuum,” you warned.

He pulled his cock out of pants and was jerking himself off right in front of your face, “Bet it doesn’t feel as good as Daddy now does it?,” He smirked darkly.

“N-nooo,”

He slapped his leaking head against your lips and you easily opened, knowing what he wanted. He leaned forward on the bed and straightened himself out, fucking your mouth as the machine fucked you. This was like a wet dream come true. His thighs and ass flexed as he fucked your face down into the bed. You gagged against him but that only encouraged him to go harder, his fingers curl into the bed comforter and his growls of pleasure resonated from deep within him, the way swears left his mouth had you close to cumming all over again.

“Such a good little whore taking my cock deep in your throat like this. Love the way you choke on me, your lungs begging for air,” he thrusts and your back arches with a gag.

He pulls out and huffs, swearing to himself before sitting up to straddle you again. He tugged at your nipples and twisted them making you yell out in slight pain. He slowed down the machine and leaned forward to attach his mouth to your nipples. He knew your nipples were highly sensitive and any contact could have you almost cumming right then and there. Teeth tugging, tongue swirling, you were moaning out for him to stop or else you’re gonna cum but he didn’t. He then turned up the machine and you were convulsing under him completely.

“Please Daddy! I don’t wanna be a bad girl, I wanna be good!,” easily overwhelmed in this state you got emotional and hid your face in your hands. You felt yourself gushing and cried out louder from the intensity. Steve didn’t slow down though, the sucking noises only got louder and the machine got turned up faster. The deliciously sloppy noises of the toy fucking you took over the ringing in your ears.

“Daddyyyy!!!,” you placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed him away to look at you in your eyes. You were dazed and confused, it was like you were having an outer body experience. He stared back at you and noticed the glint, the look in your eyes was foreign but he was into it, it made his dick harder and he knew if something was up you’d safe word.

“I-I just came w-without your permission,” your bottom lip quivered but he only kissed you.

“It’s okay, baby. I’ve decided to let you cum as much as you can tonight. Let me do my job and take care of you,”

He stopped the machine and pushed it away from you to crawl in between your legs and turn you around. You could hear him pulling his pants down all the way then felt his thick girth push into you. You gripped the sheets and felt yourself slip into your cloud even more. He held your hips and buried himself deep, this was different than the machine, this was real, this was your man’s dick fucking into you, fitting like a tailored suit and you felt your toes curl. You were panting and whining into the covers as he picked up the pace.

The way his dick rubbed perfectly against your soaking, ridged walls had your eyes rolling and the tears flowing. He took your hands and kept them latched behind your back and pulled you into him. Your head hung as your body had gone limp from the pleasure. He wrapped a hand around your throat and sat you up right.

“You’re my good girl aren’t you, baby?,” he grunted into your ear as he squeezed the sides of your throat. You felt your air supply shorten and your senses heighten. Your ass bounced against his pelvis at the fast pace he was going. He loved that, he loved the way the skin on his thighs stung as yours bounced off his from the way his body met yours.

“Daddy’s good girl,” you were almost incoherent and you felt yourself tighten around him again, “Pleeeaase! Please d-daddy ah!,” you tried to scream but it got lodged in your throat.

“Please what? Speak up, good girls speak up for what they want,”

Thing is, you couldn’t speak up. You were whining from the feeling and couldn’t speak. You were impressionable in this state so when he said that, you in turn felt like you were a bad girl because you didn’t speak up, couldn’t... speak up. You wanted to be a good girl for your Daddy, but you were feeling so much. “You’re so wet, baby. You feel so good. Cum for me again,”

“I- I- nnnnn,” your thighs shook as you came again, it trickled down your thighs, the shiver that ran through you didn’t match the feeling of your warm cum.

Steve had gone into his own headspace. He was connected with you and experiencing his own euphoria of seeing you in this state. He had to try and control himself harder than usual so he wouldn’t choke you so hard to the point you passed out, though you’d love that in this moment. You were practically inaudible and just weeping.

You were experiencing too much euphoria you had no choice but to cry, it’s like you died but were resurrected and all your senses were dialed to a thousand. Your sense of touch had your skin feeling like it was a soft pillow and every ounce of contact from Steve had you shivering and your skin tingling. Your sense of smell, you could smell his clean cologne along with the sweat of you two, you could smell the trace of wintergreen mints on his breath. Your sight, despite the tears, it’s like everything was in technicolor, so bright and vivid. Your sense of taste, you could taste him on you from when he kissed you, it was a sweet and subtle taste. Your hearing, you could hear the clock ticking, you could hear the cars way below the tower and the birds calling and flying by, you could hear the way Steve moaned and huffed, it sounded like he was in your head, it was all overwhelming you.

Steve pulled out and flipped you over on your back again, reentering you and you scratched down his back.

“H-hurt m-me, Daddy. I need I-it, I need it t-to let go,” you gasped and your eyes were having a hard time staying open, “Please!,”

Steve knew you were under a lot of stress right now so he half expected you to ask for that. He took a moment to pull back and asked you what color you were at, “G-g-gold,” Gold meant great and go ahead but he was still cautious. When you wrapped your legs around him he went harder and started biting along your neck and chest giving your nipples harsh nips. You begged him to slap you a few good times and he did just that. Cause your face to heat up from the contact. The sounds of him smacking you were like ad libs to the beat of the song that was your ass getting clapped by him, with your moans and his grunts as the the guitar riffs and the emotion behind it all being the meaning of the song itself. It was beautiful.

“F-fuck me harder, please! I won’t be a brat anymore I pr-promise, Daddy! I won’t be bad, I don’t wanna be bad!,” you sobbed into his shoulder and he went as hard as he could, chasing his own orgasm. Your vulnerability becoming his strength as he fucked little squeals out of you. You bit into his shoulder and softly mewled. All the endorphins rushed through your body like a stampede and you felt Steve getting ready to cum.

“Cum in m-me, Daddy. I n-need it,” you weren’t exactly thinking rationally but you were begging and you really wanted it. Subspace or not, you wanted him to cum deep in you and Steve knew if he did, he’d had to ask Bruce on where to get emergency contraceptive but he wasn’t gonna slow down his momentum with that thought.

“Fuck, baby. Y-you feel so good around Daddy’s cock like that. Taking me so well, so good. You’ve proven to daddy you’re not a bad girl, fuck!,” he threw his head back as he came and that’s when it hit you.

Your entire resolve came down and you hit the depths on your headspace and you were cumming endlessly, calling out for Steve and digging your nails into his arms.

“I don’t wanna be bad, Daddy! I promise I won’t be bad anymore! Please let me c-cum,” you were rambling as you hit the highest peak of all peaks. You were so dazed, you were still fucking yourself against him and whining out. “Did I make you happy, Daddy?, I won’t be a brat anymore. D-don’t wanna disappoint you,” you cried and you had Steve confused.

“You didn’t disappoint me, baby. Daddy just wanted you to take a break to take care of yourself,”

You just continued to hold him tight and cry.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” you repeated, still rutting up against him, causing Steve to release his own whines from sensitivity

“Slow down, baby. Slow down,” Steve pulled back and held your wet face in his hands, “Calm down baby,”

“I won’t be a brat anymore... I- I just... it all has been hard and I..,”

“Baby,” he cooed, “Slow down. It is okay. Daddy is here to take all those thoughts away. I’m gonna pull out now, okay?,”

“Nooo!,” you wrapped your legs tighter around his waist, “Just wanna feel you. Need to feel you,” you whispered.

He whispered loving words to calm you down, kissing down your neck and along your cheeks, he ran his hands along your body to soothe you as you just kept apologizing.

“You’re the best baby girl I could ever ask for. You didn’t disappoint Daddy, there’s no need to apologize. You made me very proud. You work so hard and I’m proud of you. Just promise me you’ll take breaks so you don’t break down like this okay?,” he kissed your nose as you had your eyes closed, softly rolling your head side to side.

“I promise and I promise I won’t be bratty anymore,” you pouted and he softly smiled, kissing your cute little pout.

“You’re fine, Y/N. I’ve got you, don’t worry. Just melt into Daddy. Trust me,”

You sighed and felt all your problems melt away as he continued to whisper in your ear. “I’m so lucky to have you as mine. So glad I’m your Daddy. You make me feel so many good things, I can’t thank you enough for being my good girl,”

You whimper at his words and raise up on your elbows, opening your eyes to find him staring intensely back at you. He looked so worried but so content at the same time.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” He pulled out of you and the wet sounds filled the room. You softly groan as he does so and he just shushes you as he picks you up.

“FRIDAY, run the bathwater, please. Not too hot though,”

“Of course, Captain,”

-----------

“Looving you, has made my life so beautiful,” Steve softly sung to you as you slowly drank from your water bottle, “And everyday of my liiife, is filled with looving you. La la la la la,”

“La la la la la,” you joined him as he washed your back, “La la la la la, la la la laaa,”

“Duuun-duun du duu,” he continued, “Hit it,” he smiled

“Aaaaaahhh,” you finished with the high pitched squeal and he laughed at you, ringing the water of the wash cloth down your back.

“Thank you, Steve,” your voice was low but you used his real name to let him know you were back in the real world and no longer in your headspace.

“It’s nice to have you back,” Steve laughed. He pulled you up into his chest to kiss your shoulder, “How are you feeling?,”

“Relieved. Tension free. I’m sorry I’ve been so bratty. This is still new to me and I just-,”

“Baby, you don’t have to apologize for reacting like a normal human being and cracking under pressure. But your brattiness is something we will work on regardless,” He finished cleaning you up all over as you finished your snack of gummies and then you helped him wash himself with his own wash cloth..

Once the bubbles are off of you both, he drains the water and helps you stand up to dry you off. He swaddles you like a baby after wrapping his own towel around himself, once your teeth are brushed and your face is wash, he carries you into your room and softly placing you on the bed. He grabs your Johnson’s bedtime lotion and starts at your feet and moving his way up, working the lotion into your skin. He’s come to find out that this helps you after an intense scene in the bedroom and he’ll pull every stop to make sure you feel better and cared for. That is his priority.

He goes into your closet and finds a sweatshirt of his (that he had been looking for), takes it off the hanger and moves back to you to help you put it on. He helps you wrap your hair (courtesy to you spending a whole free day to teach him how to properly do it) and placed your bonnet on before getting himself ready to crawl in the bed beside you.

He had changed the sheets and covers so they had a fresh and clean lavender smell to them. He pulled you close to him and kissed your cheeks over and over until it elicited a laugh out of you.

“I am so lucky,” he smiled.

“No, I am,” you held his head and rubbed his scalp knowing it was his turn for aftercare. It’s not just the sub that needs aftercare, it’s the Dom as well as scenes take just as much out of them.

“You take such good care of me and I’m so thankful,” you kiss him between his eyebrows and you see his face heat up in a blush, “You’re the best Daddy anyone can ask for. I’m never letting you go,”

His smiled beamed at you as he kissed you one more time, “You’re stuck with me, baby doll,”

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I hope this lived up to y’alls expectations. I know it’s not as dirty as part one but, there’s so much more dirty smut that’ll come out me very soon, so stay tuned.

If you like this, please leave verbal feedback and reblog!

Tags- @noire-griot @mbaku-babygirl @blackreaders-assemble @vozit @babybubastis @chonisberonica @majikmelanin @blowmymbackout @justsomemarvelspam @whothehellisbinky @joyofbebbanburg @spideys-wife @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @crawlingnightmares @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes @yournonlocalpoc @mirajanestrauss1999 @fromlia-withlove @mokacoconut @curlyhairclub @livayah

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beatsfortheillperth · 4 years ago

Text

Words with Twin Nemesis

The United States is the homeland of a lot of the creatives we've had words with over the years, and Soph and Sylv, the masterminds behind Twin Nemesis are just two more US beat-smiths and creatives who just so happen to be cohesively moving sound-waves over in the USA.

The girls are tweaking valleys of bass that display a musical landscape that is infused with funk and wave wonder and this duo will intrigue like the piper, tame ones head to bop and, damn feet to tap with their select but distinguishing variety of tracks.

Twin Nems sound will either have you wishing you were out in an underground nightclub, bouncing by the speakers or, chilling at home on a rainy day with a hot cuppa. It can go both ways with these talents, something that's not easy to encourage, but these beat-smiths do so in the most pleasing matter.

Keeping their minds well and in tune away from producing through their studies in University and Med School. These two are not only fuelling their minds but the minds of their listeners worldwide.

Thank you Twin Nem and please don't let the studies led to a musical disappearance, Bass needs you both to continue your relationship and we need you to stay together, for our speakers' sake.

Much love and enjoy words with these unique talents.

Listen to Twin Nemesis, Saying Hello on Spotify -https://open.spotify.com/artist/0aSDNbyGRzbragp1DE9ZKk

Hey, Twin Nemesis thank you so much for taking the time to share words. I thought we would start will a few quick questions.

Favourite Food: Sophie - Mac and Cheese Sylvie - I love food, so that's gonna be hard! I'd say sushi, vanilla berry cake, gummy candy or Thai food :). Oh, and a juicy burger and onion rings. Favourite Beverage: Sophie - Mojito ;P Sylvie - Plain and simple, water! Stay hydrated, folks! Last track you listened to: Sophie - The Suburbs- Mr Little Jeans Sylvie - Jon Casey's 20/20 mix! That part at 1:30 is insane!! A childhood memory in regards to music: Sophie - The first song I remember is Karma Police..my mom was playing it in the car when I was like a few months old and it stuck with me. I heard it again maybe when I was 14? It was like a shot of lightening. I felt this nostalgia. It was insane. It's my favorite song. Sylvie - Without a doubt, driving with my dad in the car to Sergio Mendes and the Beatles. I grew up on Bossa Nova and Classic Rock :) First Album you ever purchased: Sophie - Ok Computer Sylvie - Sheesh, I can't recall to be honest! Most likely something from Sergio Mendes. Last Album you purchased: Sophie - Don't remember tbh Sylvie - I stream on Spotify, so I haven't quite been purchasing! Views on Cheese: Sophie - Give me all the cheese, just not the weird french ones Sylvie - Cheese is godly. The music you were listening to in Middle School: Sophie - Dubstep (UKF, etc) Sylvie - In Middle School, I was a huge fan of dubstep and drum and bass! UKF releases were the bulk of my then ITunes (rip) library! Still love both genres, especially the soulfulness of liquid drum n bass! What you like to do in your downtime: Sophie - Run around, play videogames, music Sylvie - I'm almost constantly studying, to be honest. However, if I do have a moment, I'll be reading medical journals or watching operations. I want more than anything to be an Emergency Room Physician, so I'm constantly reading articles about the ER when I find good ones.

I'll also often hop on a shift to volunteer for Crisis Text Line, a truly powerful platform where you can be there for people in difficult times <3. Spreading love and reaching out is incredibly important to me. I also spend a lot of hours as well training for fencing and at the gym for cross-training... Not much "free time" I suppose, but that's exactly how I like it! I'm a busy bee. :D Your ideal feast would consist of: Sophie - Pizza, mac n cheese, nugs. Basically all the foods that will send me to the grave. Sylvie - Probably too much food to realistically procure for one feast.

Thanks for that, so I'd like to start by asking, how did you both meet? Had you known each other long before you started making music together? Sylvie - We met in fencing in middle school and instantly became best friends. We just clicked! About a year into our friendship, I mentioned in fencing practice that I produced music, and Sophie wanted to join. We learned the ropes of Maschine together, and she picked up Logic faster than I did. Sophie proved to be a natural, and things just flowed from there!

Sophie - We went to the same middle/high school but met during fencing practice! We both fenced sabre for a couple of years and bonded through that. So probably like 2-3 years before we started making music.

How did your musical relationship start and at the beginning were you both making your own music separately? How long have you been making music together? You've been releasing music on Soundcloud for 5 or so years under Twin Nemesis. Had you been making music together even before releases such as "Nocturne"? Could you share a memory from your early days making music together that has inspired you to continue creating? Sylvie - Sheesh, I would say it's been 6 years. We waited a year before releasing. We're both perfectionists. Before Twin Nemesis, I was releasing creations on my personal account. Sophie vibed with them, and before long we were producing together. In high school we would have "production nights" where we would stay up all night and produce something on one computer, one Maschine. Right after? Dance party time. These have been some of my best memories to date. Sophie - Sylvie taught me everything about how to use Logic and Maschine when we first started! I remember during fencing practice she was talking about producing beats and I thought that was so unique and interesting since I didn't know anyone who did that. We started hanging outside of fencing at her house experimenting with the Maschine and I just fell in love.

What equipment do you guys use to create your sound? Also if it applies, what musical instruments do you both play? Does knowing how to play an instrument necessarily benefit someone trying to make beats more? Sylvie - I have background in drumming, so I gravitated towards the Maschine. I'm actually a classically trained violinist, and have been playing for 16 years! I also play the bass and drums. In terms of helping beat-making, I'm not quite sure. Plenty of really legendary beat-makers don't play other instruments-- I don't think it's needed to play anything. But I like to incorporate classical or jazz elements into my music when I can. Sophie - I do not actually play any instruments but I use Maschine as well as Logic and Ableton. I wish I understood the theory behind a lot of the music being put out today but playing by ear has worked out so far. Could you share a paragraph of what Twin Nemesis represents to you individually and also what Twin Nemesis represents to you both collectively? What inspired the name Twin Nemesis? Love it. Sylvie - Its really special to be able to make music with your best friend. To me, Twin Nemesis represents a creative outlet where we can express our feelings through a medium that has no words.

We're able to pinpoint that feeling, and hone in on the sonic experience that can deliver a sense of it into our listeners. I want to be able to uplift them, be there for them, show them that they're not alone, be their shoulder to cry on, and help them if I can with our music.

To me, it's my hope that we can help heal people with the joy of music, (cheesy as it sounds). There's no greater joy than helping others, and I hope we can do that not just in our day- to-day lives, but in our music as well.

Sophie came up with Twin Nemesis actually, and it's ironic, because I'm an actual twin. We are far from nemeses, my twin is a best friend as well, and I'm extremely lucky to have her. So there's no connection there, Sophie just thought it sounded cool. She's creative as heck!

Sophie - I think I came up with the name and honestly I think it came from the fact that Sylvie and I just looked very different (blonde vs brunette), yet we're both girls so I wanted to keep that dichotomy but also, yeah, it just sounds cool haha.

For me Twin Nemesis is a great way to relax. I just finished my BS at Cornell University and am starting medical school at UCSF so my life tends to be very busy and stressful. Making music really grounds me and I found during the most stressful times of my career I tend to create the best music. Going back to your track "Nocturne" I wanted to discuss it a little further as it is Twin Nems' earliest release that I felt contrasted it's follow up release on Soundcloud delightfully. That follow-up release was "Nostalgia". Were the contrasts in these two releases intentional or are the tracks unrelated? Can you share what making Nostalgia and Nocturne was like? And what you were trying to portray with each track? Sylvie - The two of those tracks were meant to be lofi hip-hop-esque. They were meant to evoke feelings of, well, nostalgia, from two different waveforms. For these two, we busted out our Maschines, and went for something as groovy as it was soulful.

The process was relatively simple, as we were still figuring out the ropes- chop up a sample, lay down a bass-line, and of course, drum out a groovy, swinging drum pattern. That was really it, admittedly, but we felt that there was a special soulfulness in these tracks, so we released them. Sophie - Skipping, tbh don’t remember much other than I was going thru a bad breakup and these songs helped haha I just wanted to add, back in 2015 Twin Nemesis released a track called Chapel of the Devil via Bandcamp and the sounds displayed in that beat could easily nurse a rap, you guys had skill even back then, much love. What was it like for you making Chapel of the Devil and how do you feel your style has adapted over the years since? Do you feel more confident with each release over time, or do you feel you were more confident with your earlier releases? Sylvie - Mmmm. Good question! Sophie was more involved with that one. She found the sample and chopped it nicely. I can't really take much credit for that. In terms of style, I've began to shift into more bass-music, experimental types of music and have started to produce a fair amount of lo-fi hip hop.

What does making a beat do for you? Does it help you in any personal sort of way like offer an escape? What is it that you think draws more and more people into wanting to create their own beats? Sylvie - Making a beat is an outlet where I don't have anything to lose. When I'm making music, I tap into my emotions, and if not mine, my boyfriend's, my close friends', the worlds', or even my dog's (I'm obsessed with her). More and more people are gravitating towards beatmaking because it's become more culturally relevant with the rise of Soundcloud- the ability to share your creativity with the world is unique, and the fact that everyone has access to that upload button makes music production rather appealing.

We live in a world of music-- it's all over us. To be able to create your own tunes has been an ever-present drive of humanity-- it's visceral. I gotta give one of my best friends, (an extremely talented classical pianist), Phoebe some credit for coming up with a quote that sums up why music itself is so powerful, especially in times like these--

"There’s nothing like the comfort of listening to a song that gets you. And that’s why music is so powerful, it can relate to any kind of person and make him or her feel safe and understood."

People are looking to make that song that gets them, to find that exact feeling that resonates with them and express it without words, in, what my boyfriend Jackson, (a phenomenal guitarist), describes as a medium that is visceral and can touch each and every person that listens differently.

He believes some of the beauty of music is the ambiguity of the meaning as well. I had to credit these two here for their deeply insightful thoughts.

Sophie - Refer to previous question, my life is very academically stressful so I use it as an escape away from the pressures of school. Twin Nemesis is also responsible for some bass-driven mixes that are just timeless. Listened to your minimix "That Wavy College minimix" which you both made two years ago and it is still relevant, thank you! Had you both always been into mixing or was it something you picked up along the Twin Nem journey? What gets you in the mood to want to create a mix and what inspires the tracklist you curate? Sylvie - YESSSSSS BASS MUSIC :) Mixing was something we picked up on the way. It really depends on who is making the mix. If it's Soph, it will be more melodic and rap-driven usually.

If it's me, it will be all about the drums. These are pretty consistent distinctions. The track-list is based on what has me bobbing my head and making the stank face at the moment. :)

Sophie - Sylvie makes most of the mixes and I loooove listening to them, especially when I'm studying. Her music taste really vibes with mine. I've tried making mixes but have yet to post anything....maybe soon... Twin Nemesis will also be doing a beatsfortheill mix which we are super humbled about, thank you both. What can our readers and listeners expect with this up and coming mix? Sylvie - You'll see ;) Bringing the timeline forward to a year ago, we have to discuss your track snüp, one of my personal favourites by Twin Nem that I feel perfects the sound you'd want any beat to create when you're trying the lay back, much love. How did you go about creating snüp, how long did it take you guys to make and what inspired it's creation? Sylvie - It was rather simple as well! Snoop Dogg acapella + sample chopped up + infectious drum groove + bass. Done. I would say it took us about 3 days actually.

The both of us love jazz, old school hip hop, and soul music, so we wanted to integrate the sound of old school hip hop with more "new school".

Adding the vinyl-ridden sample to a Snoop Dogg vocal was a contrast that we found worked very well, so we followed through with the idea and released it.

Sophie - I'll let Sylvie answer this one You also released a track called Echoes of the Past in the same year and it was a track that showed me that you guys could tackle any genre. It's chilled, slightly romantic and soothing on a lofi lovers ears, thank you for creating this track. What inspires your shifts in sound in general from genre to genre? And on the subject of this particular track, what was it like to put together? Were you trying to share anything subtly with this release? Sylvie - Shifts in genre are because of our extremely diverse tastes in music. We listen to music spanning almost all genres, (save country, and for me, indie).

This allows us to want to produce along the gamut of vibes! When we're especially enjoying lo-fi, like we were when we were making Echoes of the Past, we'll make lo-fi. If we're inspired by left-field bass/trap, we'll make something like Hello.Jpeg. It all depends, and there really is no specific reason for why make what we make, when we make it. It just happens that way! I wish I could say that I was trying to convey something... In regards to music-making, what draws you in about a certain sound or vocal that makes you want to sample it? Sylvie - For me it's all about the groove. You know, when a groove is just *so infectious* that you can't help but bob your head and get those chills down your spine and turn the volume up higher.

I'm a sucker for creamy keys as well, like a Rhodes sample, the Korg Triton, jazz chords, 7ths. I love old soul and jazz music :)

But also, I equally enjoy warping glitches and harsh sounds. For drum samples? Drums. Must. Slap. They have to cut through the mix and be powerful and beefy, with a liberal amount of syncopation added for that off-kilter groove. Sophie - I love oldies and sampling classical music, so if I'm listening to a random track and hear a catchy melody I download it right away and create something with it. I also am drawn to sadder more melancholy melodies. Not sure why but it's always been like that. The song that introduced me to your sound was "Hello.Jpeg" and I was blown away with this track. The intro reminded of something N.E.R.D could have produced and the bass will convert any avid bass listener, thank you again. What were you going for with this release? Did it take long to put together? Also, what do you enjoy most about this track? Sylvie - Awww sheesh, thanks! We were going for my favorite musical element, bounce. For me, that's what makes a track (in bass music).

It's gotta have that bounce. We'd been listening to Jon Casey, Tsuruda, Explore, Mr. Carmack, etc. for ages, and were hoping to achieve a similar bouncy, stompy feel.

This track by far took the longest to put together-- probably upwards of 2 weeks? There were a lot of elements there. As for the last question here, I think you can tell what I'm proudest of in this track.... (hint: the bounce). Sophie - We love experimenting with different genres and Hello.Jpeg was our jump. It was extremely fun and very natural to make...we're probably going to create more of that type. Do you have any Musical Recommendations you could share? Sylvie - Ahhh, yes. I'll go by genre.

In terms of bass and future beats, the "20/20" mix by Jon Casey is impeccable. Check out that 1:30 time stamp. "Spit That" by Chee has that groove and bass that keeps me wanting to come back for more. "Neptune" by Sam Gellaitry has an incredible groove in the second part that will have you bobbing your head, with that lush bass swirling around. You really can't go wrong with Mo Vibez either. "Hammer" by Tsuruda, "Deception" by Herzeloyde, and "React" by Chromonicci have that signature bounce that I love as well, I'm always scouting for bouncy songs.

In terms of more hip-hoppy stuff, I'm gonna have to recommend Tek.lun's "Seshat". It has that bossa nova feel I've always loved, blended with hard-hitting drums.

Drum and Bass! "Progression" by Flite. Anything by Dawn Wall. It's rolling and soulful. Speaking of soulful, soul!

Tom Misch nails it every time, and I cannot recommend Gareth Donkin's track, "Catharsis" enough. It's beautiful. See for yourself. Classic rock, bossa nova... okay, should I just make a Spotify playlist for y'all?

This could be too long.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/27nkDj0eqPrzOl2CLGNikJ?si=btVmbVLST5SOFRqSgDs6Fw Sophie - I love Sasha Marie mixes. I've found so many songs and artists through her soundcloud page. Give it a listen. Any up and coming releases we should keep a lookout for? Sylvie - Again, you'll see ;)

Any Last Words? Sylvie - Yeah! An important part of my creative process and just, my life in general, are my amazing boyfriend and best friends, and my family, (yes, that includes my dog, of course).

Just wanna give them a shoutout here. They're always cheering me on, and I'm absolutely so blessed to have them in my life. I cannot thank them enough. Sophie - Thanks so much for all this, truly blessed to be interviewed! Support Twin Nemesis Here: Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/twinnemesismusicofficial

Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/artist/0aSDNbyGRzbragp1DE9ZKk

Bandcamp - https://twinnemesis.bandcamp.com/ Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/twinnemesismusic/?hl=en

#beatsfortheill #soundcloud #twinnemesis #interview

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lostinfantasies38 · 5 years ago

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2020 - 20 Facts

Tagged by @kittimau and @somniaran Not gonna lie, some answers I left the same from yours @kittimau

1. Do you make your bed?

Meh, sometimes. Usually with a grumpy baby in the morning I don’t get to it by mid-afternoon anyway. And if she’s especially grumpy, I’ll just tuck her into bed with me for a nap, which only messes it up again lol

2. What’s your favorite number?

13 - it’s my lucky number

3. What’s your job?

Stay at home mom. A recent development, actually. I left my job as a vet tech/receptionist at a corporate animal clinic after almost 5 years. It was time for a break - empathy burn out. And staying home saves us the insane cost of daycare with an infant.

4. If you could, would you go back to school?

No. Been there, done that. I never completed my BA after nearly 7 years, since I switched my major halfway through and was working full time which prevented me from devoting all the time I would have liked to get through the degree program more quickly.

5. Can you parallel park?

Yes, but I hate doing it lol!

6. A job you had which would surprise people?

Ummm...years ago I worked for like 3 months at Allstate as a claims adjuster and I hated it

7. Do you think aliens are real?

Yes...and no. I think what we consider “life” and “intelligent” are very narrow. Viruses and pathogens are intelligent and constantly evolving to outsmart our own defenses against them. And I have ex-military family members who are definitely conspiracy theorists...but I don’t know if I buy the version of ET creatures. If they do exist, they have cooler places to go then here.

8. Can you drive a manual car?

Funnily, I can only drive standard in a car. Put me behind the wheel of a manual truck and I’m totally going to kill the engine in traffic - trust me.

9. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Fanfiction - reading or writing it. I love to read fluffy, happy fics, but damn if I only know how to write angst! lol

10. Tattoos?

I have three. A Norse rune on my right wrist, Uruz, which translates to “strength and perseverance.” I got it before the semi-colon caught on as a symbol to keep fighting through depression. I have 9 bats that rise from mid-back and over my right shoulder - no special meaning except I have loved bats since I was a child and they do not get enough love in my opinion. And a standard red heart with an arrow that I had inked on my left calf a few years ago to commemorate a good friend’s wedding. It’s my only tattoo with color!

11. Favorite color?

Green, followed by purple. I look good in them as well but mostly wear a lot of greys and black lol. (@kittimau I don’t even see the point in changing this answer since it’s the same as yours! LOL)

12. Things people do that drive you crazy?

Being rude or hateful, argumentative, mean. Bullying, trolling. It hurts me on a deeply personal level even if it is not happening to me directly. I can’t stand seeing others hurt.

Not using blinkers while driving. THEY’RE THERE FOR A REASON.

Snuffing children’s natural curiosity and dreams. They are our future. Don’t destroy them - we need their imagination and insight to keep us from falling into a pit of apathy. Stifling creativity is how we guarantee this planet will die before we can rescue it from the damage we caused.

13. Any Phobias?

Arachnophobia (fear of spiders): yes, I know it’s common, but if you grew up with a basement bedroom as a kid in the Midwest you’d be haunted by the massive wolf spiders too!

Sociophobia: mainly the fear of social gatherings, socializing, embarrassment in social situations. (same, girl, same)

Mild agoraphobia (fear of crowds): when I’m deep in a depressive funk, yes. I have refused to leave my house for days or weeks at a time when these episodes happen

Atelophobia: fear of not being good enough or doing something incorrectly (fear of imperfection) - this is very evident in my need for validation when it comes to my writing. I’m sorry, I apologize in advance.

14. Favorite childhood sport?

Ummm, I used to baton twirl but when we left Texas and moved to the Midwest where it wasn’t common, I stopped doing it. I was more of the band/choir nerd

15. Do you talk to yourself?

YeEEeeeeSSSssss (insert Alistair voice)

16. What movie do you adore?

Awww, shiiiiit. Idk, I love Avatar, but I also really love the How to Train Your Dragon series. Omg, I blubber more than my kids when I watch them!

17. Do you like doing puzzles?

Yes, but I haven’t put one together in years. Too many small hands and dogs who eat everything to keep small pieces lying around and ruin a work of art

18. Favorite kind of music?

All kinds? Depends on my mood, honestly.

Rock, alternative, experimental, electronica/trance, indie, folk, Celtic, country. Classical (Beethoven and Mozart being my favorite composers). A little of everything except like, death metal or black metal. ( @kittimau , I swear, you and I are the same person - LMAO!)

19. Tea or coffee?

Both. Both is good. Depends on my mood which one I go for, but I do enjoy both hot and iced tea, as well as hot and iced coffee.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up?

Even growing up landlocked, I was dead set on becoming a marine biologist to study rays and sharks for the rest of my life and I probably would have, if I hadn’t learned how hard it is to get grants to be on the ocean researching the things you love. Most biologists, marine and otherwise, end up teaching and never get the grants they need to actually be in the field. So damn sad.

#2020 facts #get to know me

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kyuala · 5 years ago

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monsta x in são paulo (19.07.19)

hey y'all this post is to tell my experience during my concert and hi touch event of the we are here world tour last friday night 🤩 so buckle up bc its a LONG ONE but i divided it into categories so u dont have to read everything if u dont want to!

the concert in general: ok so the concert was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. there were about 7 songs i didn’t really listen to a lot or liked before the concert but even those were amazing and had me jumping and screaming and going crazy. they’re all SO much more beautiful irl which is like !!!!!!!!! HOW. and they’re so so SO talented all the choreos were incredible and their voices!!! sound even better irl. hyungwon asked minhyuk to sing a little bit of play it cool acapella for us and his voice 😭😭😭 so sweet it’s like honey. they brought hero back to life which was. an experience to see live tbh. i got to the venue line at 9:30am (10.5 hours before the concert) and i was about maybe 15? rows away from the stage (bc i had to go pee real quick as soon as they let us inside) but im like 158cm (5'2) tall so even tho i was standing on this little protection thingy to be taller i still couldn’t see them that well :( i dont think i saw any choreos in full bc of that but it was still amazing to see them do it irl. they all introduced themselves in portuguese during the first ment it was super 🤩 adorable! most of them only said “oi, eu sou ___” (“hi, i am ___”) but some of them had longer phrases prepared (maybe kh, jh and ck? i believe) which was so awesome to see!! during the second ment, hw talked about how some of their songs were composed by their own members and he did that to introduce “our maknae’s song” (aka mohae) and my soul left my body. after jealousy there was the first vcr which was like a youtuber au vcr and it was so!!!!! cute hyungwon, minhyuk and wonho giving us styling, skincare and exercising tips respectively, jooheon making a burrito he named "honey-to", kihyun and kyun teaching us how to make coffee and how to speak english resp and of course nunu's famous asmr mukbang 🥰🥰🥰 it was honestly superrrrr cute and funny i remember hyungwon trying to spell a word in english and just going "..........ne" after the first two letters and then kyun snickering skejdkksdk and jooheon making fun of ck for something and ck laughing the fakest laugh i ever seen in my life lmao and i also remember ki telling us to be careful about a lot of things but most of all our hearts bc he's gonna steal them 😷🤒🤕 but yes i loved it it was v cute and v funny and i loved how they were all interacting with each other even tho it was separate videos. after the unit stages, hyungwon revealed that joo had actually changed up his routine for a more samba-like beat specially for brazil 🥺 he confirmed that and we went INSANE and started showing them our own beat (a classic carioca funk "tchu tcha tcha tchu tchu tcha" that we fo with our mouths/words) and at first they were all like ??????? but then they LOVED IT and joined in on the fun. mh and kh were dancing to it the most and it was so funny. hyungwon or minhyuk then asked jooheon if he could incorporate our beat into his beatboxing and he said it was possible and then we were all just going TCHU TCHA TCHA TCHU TCHU TCHA while he was beatboxing along and he said it was difficult skdjkekddk around five or six different times they told us to take steps back and step a little bit away from each other so we wouldn't hurt ourselves or feel ill (hyungwon did it the most, he actually spotted a girl nearly fainting in the front rows and brought staff's attention to her and he only stopped talking about it/got more relaxed when they did something about it). during this same ment they talked about sn's and wh's different choice of clothing for their unit stage and said it was more daring and sexy and shownu said that kihyun actually chose those clothes for them lmao and ki said he chose them bc he knew us brazilian mbbs would love it and we were like wow. They Know we're whores love that. then someone was like "u chose that?? ur kinda conservative tho????" and ki said he's been "open-minded since birth" KDJSKFKDK rip conservative brothers but the way the lady translated it accidentally kinda made it sound that he was like. open for romantic/sexual advances and we were all like 👀👀👀 OKAY. oh also sometime during the concert one of them slipped and nearly fell doing something stupid (i think wonho or changkyun) skndkskdk the second vcr was the seven deadly sins themed and wow. the PRODUCTION. the absolute ARTISTRY of it all. wheres their oscar. it was honestly super cool but minhyuk was the only member that hadn't appeared yet and the only sin left was lust so we were all like 👁️😏 but then it said AGONY. ????????? it was kinda confusing but amazing nonetheless kyun wanted to shoot hyungwon but then he didnt bc the underlying message was that they all committed sins and blamed themselves but managed to find forgiveness by being together aw <3 a random moment that i dont remember when it happened was when kyun was speaking portuguese to us and he was trying to say "vocês querem curtir?" (which is something like "do you want to have fun?") but he messed it up a bit and accidentally said "vocês querem cu...?" which means "do you want asshole?" and we were all like BOY DKEJDKEJDIDKFKS i dont think he knows what it actually means but he corrected himself real quick and moved on to the next song 💀 for the second to last ment they tried to convince us the concert was ending (lmao) and there was only one song left, so we were all shouting "não" ("no") and they were like "we cant go??????" and we were like "no!!!!!" and they were like :/ oh well guess we gotta stay kdnskdjs they had the brazilian flag up there for some time but they also somehow got an lgbt pride flag there too for the pics??? before the ending ment kihyun said that they all have strengths, as i recall kyun's was writing cool songs/lyrics, shownu's was being fun, i think minhyuk's was having a voice like honey? and i dont recall the rest but when he got to hyungwon he just said "being very tall" and we were all like LMAO SAY SOMETHING ELSE ABOUT HIM!!!! and then he said an actual compliment lol for the actual last ment they each said goodbye to us, i specifically remember wonho telling us that the energy we had and him performing on stage for us reminded him of why he was a singer and why he had to be on stage 🥺🥺🥺 and shownu agreed 🥺 kyun(?) said even though he's going back to korea he's gonna feel incomplete bc he's leaving brazil, ki said he liked us so much he could have another 6 concerts here bc our energy would be enough to keep him going and then said something really greasy that i dont remember but obviously loved at the moment. and then they said they're coming back next year 🤩 and they told us to take care of ourselves and wait for them and come back next year (in a bigger venue, they said!) and they all had their pinky fingers up and were saying "promete" ("promise", but as in the imperative verb) to us 😭😭😭

the songs: i was going to put my videos in this post but there’s a video limit so i’m gonna post them separately later but the first song was shoot out and unfortunately i didn’t get to film any of it because i was in SHOCK that they were REAL PEOPLE and RIGHT THERE u know dkjskdkd then was hero and it was INSANE to see it live??? seeing them do the “i can be your hero i can be your man” move IN REAL LIFE????? not to be a kihyun stan but i had kihyun tunnel vision during the entirety of the song lmfao then it was trespass and the energy was INSANE everybody was going absolutely crazy to it esp during the chorus and jooheon’s “excuse my charisma"s!!! after the ment they performed party time and we had this fan project and the people in my area had yellow cellophane on their phone lights and the people in the back had green ones (brazilian colors) and we had them on during the entirety of party time bc they mention brazil in the song and it was just so 🥰🥰🥰 such a vibe! one of the only songs i actually danced to lol party time was next and also a ~vibe~ we all danced a lot to it and after it was over, during the ment, hw asked mh to sing a little of it for us and he was sooo happy to see us sing along and sing the entire chorus even after he had stopped! it was super cute to see him smile so proudly like that. and then it was the loml, my fave mx song, a booty call anthem that somehow moves my heart, miss mohae and as soon as i heard the first few beats i SCREAMED and i was the only one doing that before everybody else realized the song had already started but i didnt even have time to be embarrassed bc i was literally tearing up. honestly hearing it live was one of the best moments of my life bc i have this huge emotional attachment to the song and it was just all super special, i was screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs and dancing and jumping and yelling. seeing kyun’s rap live was amazing and you could actually SEE how proud he was seeing so many people sing a song HE composed you know? he let us rap most of his part bc he was just in awe and wanted to see us sing it back to him. and hyungwon tried to rap jooheon’s part but he got it all messed up halfway through it was SO CUTE and jooheon had an arm around him and was BEAMING WITH LOVE the entire time 😍😍😍 everyone was fonding HARD at him. and the crowd was SO loud during the "don’t kill my vibe, i be on your way, i be, i be on your way” part it was actually deafening. i only recorded one of the choruses bc i wanted to enjoy the rest of the song but here it is! the next song was one of the other lomls, miss jealousy!!! it was absolutely STUNNING!! and yes the crowd went crazy when wonho mentioned shownu and yes that hyungwon+changkyun part IS as overwhelming to experience irl as it looks. after the youtuber vcr came the unit stages and oh. my. god mh, hw and kh came out first and it was just. so sexy and elegant. and the vocals? 10/10 LOVED that men in suit shit. then was jooheon's and changkyun's stage and HOLY. FUCKIN. SHIT. absolutely my favorite performance of the night it was EVERYTHING to me. the energy was super fuckin cool and we were all jumping around and screaming while they rapped in sexy robes over a cool ass beat it was awesome. in the middle of the performance joo tried to flip a water bottle (???) and he actually failed lol but we were so hype we didnt even notice/care we just hyped him TF up. he later apologized for it during the next ment and the real time translator lady said "desculpa" ("sorry") and changkyun said "yeah, desgupa" immediately after 🥺 then jooheon had a drum solo which ??????? i had zero fucking idea about i was just kinda standing there in shock while he absolutely murdered that drum set right in front of our eyes. AND THEN ck came back and started to rap along to his drumming and i know im saying this a lot but it was SEXY okay i have no other words they were both in muscle tees just out there being their sexiest selves UGH. and AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH then came wonho and shownu's stage and uhhhhhhh wow. SEXY AS WELL but also kinda angsty? idk but i loved it they absolutely killed it with the dance and they were wearing see through shirts and the crowd went insane. after that there were the songs i didn't listen to a lot or liked before the concert but they were all still amazing to me!! honestly, i do love u, white sugar and no reason were all SUPER cute!! AND THEN. miss myself came on and oh my god. it was a spiritual experience to see it live. absolutely amazing and breathtaking even though it's so simple. like it's just so elegant and moving. i had to close my eyes a couple times to feel the moment and it was an amazing sensation. also!! a few girls gave us free banners to lift after kihyun's high note and they said 주변을 돌아봐 내겐 다 너니까 꿈이 아냐 (shownu's line, "turn and look around, because you're everything to me this isn't a dream") and it was SO emotional to see a sea of these red banners showing them our love!!

it was amazing AND THEN. dramarama oh my god it was so freakinggggg cool! to see the performance live, jooheon milly rocking right in front of my eyes... amazing. everyone went insane during rapline's first part. one of my fave performances for sure!! next song after the ment was oh my and IT WAS AMAZING!! the choreo was just stunning and the energy!! everyone was just jumping around and screaming the lyrics, esp kihyun's line before the last chorus!! and im absolutely obsessed with the choreo, honestly. then special and fallin' were SO COOL, just like the other upbeat songs, the energy was amazing, everyone was jumping around and screaming the lyrics. fallin' was especially hype as hell and minhyuk did this funny low voice dkjskdkd then it was alligator and listen. i hated it when it came out but when they performed it i had never loved a song so much in my life. it was CLEAR it was one of the performances they were working the hardest on and their talents were really shining through 😔 i had ki and shownu tunnel vision unfortunately i missed kyun's iconic hip thrusts sksjdks but theres always next year i guess! so they had just convinced us it was their last song but after a few mins hyungwon came back out and we met H.One hehe i didnt think i would like it bc i thought it would be mostly edm and i dont really like edm but it was just some really good remixes?? he played taki taki and mi gente and everybody went fuckin insane like i remember my knee hurting super bad during this part and he was just. chilling on the stage sjejdjsk BUT THEN CAME THE TRUE GO CRAZY AAHHHH GO STUPID MOMENT OF THE CONCERT: RODEO. boy was it a fuckin ride. truly the time to fuckin wild out at an mx concert. i think it was during this song that minhyuk (?) put a brazilian flag around jooheon's shoulders so we were even more hype!! last song was by my side and it was super calm and bittersweet and like a "goodbye, ily" song :( we had these paper hearts someone gave us and we kept them up for them during the entire song, it was so lovely

the hi touch: ok so the concert ended and we waited around 50 mins for the ht event to start and we were all in a single line that went behind a curtain and THEY WERE ALREADY BEHIND THE CURTAIN SO THERE WAS NO WAY TO PREPARE FOR IT KDJDJDJD they were all standing behind a table and on the other side of the table was some of their staff on a single line to keep people from taking pictures of them and we had to go through the line of staff and the table to see them/touch their hands. it was SUPER rushed i dont think i spent 3 seconds there. my brain absolutely froze bc it was my first time at a hi touch (or first time meeting a celebrity, ever) and it was like 7 people i love and admire all at once so i couldn't manage to say more than "hi" to them and just look at them in shock and i was going faster as they (staff) told me to go faster (stupid) but they were also telling us to use only one hand and not touch their hand with both of ours but fuck that lol so in general they are all real people which is insane??? but also they ARE all SO much more beautiful in real life. like they literally glow. my friends told me they would seem taller and skinnier than i thought but i honestly didnt have the time or the brains to think about that or notice any of that. hyungwon IS tall as fuck though

kihyun: just my luck, my first bias was the first one of the line. as i walked behind the curtain there was a taller girl in front of me in line so i couldn't see much so i had like no time to process anything ksjskdks as soon as i saw it was him i went "oh my god, hi" (yes in english bc i know he understands basic english and doesn't speak portuguese lol) and he was SO sweet like it was literally half a second but his face softened and he said "hiiii" back and gave me the sweetest smile :( hes an angel on earth and i can prove it ok. hi touch aside, he's VERY confident onstage and also VERY greasy lmao he was shooting greasy stuff at us left and right and we ATE IT ALL UP. but he's also incredibly sweet and funny but like we been knew. every time he said something greasy he would expectantly wait for the lady to finish translating so he could see our reaction and afterwards he ALWAYS had that smile where he gets those dimples below his eyes :( he's one of the most talkative members!

shownu: mistre hyunwoo was second in the line and i was still in shock from seeing the loml so all i said was "hi" and he honestly seemed confused that i, a brazilian, was trying to speak english to him, a korean DJJSKDKD but he said hi very quick and had this small smile. he's taller than he seems?? i think? at least onstage and he's also very bashful no matter what he's saying lol unless it's serious stuff like him agreeing with wonho during the ending ment

wonho: ok so i dont remember the order exactly after the first two bc i started to like. have brain death but i THINK it was wonho but i saw him VERY quickly. idk if it's bc i saw him right after shownu or if he was bending forward or what but he's actually shorter than i thought he was. he had the HUGEST smile on his face and was super excited to say hi back to my dumbstruck face lol he's also?? surprisingly commanding?? like he's not imposing or anything bc he's super gentle but he told us to be quiet while he was speaking (.......lol) bc we were screaming and when he started to speak again this group of girls continued screaming and he looked at them DIRECTLY, FROM THE STAGE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MENT, POINTED AT THEM and deadass went "i have already told you to be quiet twice" and everyone was like??? in shock bc we didn't know if he was serious so we were just like 😳😳😮😮 it was very bizarre honestly a surreal moment to see wonho talk like that to any monbebe ever (for the record im not saying he was rude or anything, it was just very surprising to see that happen). i clearly remember these 3 older ladies referring to him as "primo" ("cousin") for some reason during the entire concert and idk why but that's so funny to me? it's kinda stuck in my mind now im gonna start calling him primo. he ripped his shirt off a total of two (2) different times, maybe three, one of them unprompted and unrequested, during a slow song. love that for him

hyungwon: oh boy. here we go. when my friends told me he was the most different one irl and that he was incredibly prettier i was like ok and then i saw him on the stage and was like yeah alright he's a little different but nothing too exceptional but holy. crap. he was never my type but when i saw him face to face i think my mind literally blacked out. like my body was still functioning but my mind just completely shut down when i saw him smiling at me and saying hi. like that didn't happen with kihyun, one of my ULTIMATE BIASES, but it happened when i saw HIM, that's how beautiful he is. im not using any of these words lightly, but he's beautiful, pretty, stunning, overwhelmingly handsome, an angel. he's just indescribable. his hair is so long and pretty and his face is just so soft and beautiful and he has the prettiest looking lips. has heavy vampire boyfriend vibes also. one of the quietest members, i barely have any pics of him bc he was rarely ever on the big screen bc he didnt say much. tall as hell too

minhyuk: listen i am SO SAD about this i was so overwhelmed by hyungwon's face my mind completely blanked when i got to minnie and i have no idea what i did, i don't even know if i said anything or if i just stared at him dumbfounded sjejjdjsd i have no recollection of his face at ALL like my mind was not able to process anything after hyungwon BUT i know he is pretty as hell (wbk) and he's also even sexier on stage!! like his presence and his moves are just very sensual and he is one of the most talkative ones too! we already know that but he is SUPER funny he never missed an opportunity to do something completely bizarre i just love that funky lil cowboy HE HAD A COWBOY HAT OVER HIS CAP DURING RODEO AND HE ALSO WORE THE FUNNIEST BRAZILIAN FLAG SUNGLASSES DURING HIS ENDING MENT HERE HE IS

jooheon: yall. he is SO. so so so SOOOO much prettier irl like he doesn't LOOK any different like hyungwon does but he's just even more beautiful up close and he also looks taller than i pictured? his whole face was just lit up seeing us and he was super excited to be saying hi to me it was so sweet :( like i am actually even more in love with him now after experiencing that i even dreamed about him that night lmao and oh god I cant even describe how cute his eyesmile + dimple combo is irl 😔😔😔 he talked a lot too and he literally speaks in POUT whenever he said something most of the time it sounded like he was whining it was so cute jdjdjfjd but when he's performing he's a BEAST his stage presence is un-fucking-paralleled he definitely has the strongest one in the group. his mere being there just commands you to pay attention to him in awe it's just very inexplicable. he's just super cute and nice and an angel

changkyun: oh god I didn't wanna write about my experience with him during the hi touch jsjsjdjs but im gonna try to keep this as neutral as possible. so after i got to jooheon he was the last in line (which was my ideal situation, my two biases - ki and him - in opposite ends so even if i did freeze when i saw one id have time to get over it before the other one) and when i got to him he didn't look at my face, he was looking at the beginning of the line (???) for some reason, so even though i grabbed his hand and said hi i dont remember if he even said it back and i didn't get to look him in the eyes like all the others, which made me really angry as soon as i walked out and then really upset bc i spent 110 reais to see them and one of my two faves didn't look at me when i was right in front of him, but u know it is what it is. i dont think he did it on purpose or that he's an asshole or anything like that, it's just something that happened and upset me. but aside from that, the thing that stuck with me the most out of the entire concert: HE IS INCREDIBLY!!! SEXIER IN REAL LIFE like all my friends who saw mx say hyungwon is the most different but for me it was kyun. he's SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME than in the internet, pictures really do not do him justice. and he has this really hot careless, cool guy attitude in general, like when they/we were hyping him up bc of mohae he was like 🤙🏼 he stared at the floor a lot while the others were talking and like. he knows he's hot thats VERY clear lmao. he's surprisingly talkative. he's very effortless with his moves when he's dancing and that's not saying he doesn't put in effort he just makes it seem so. easy and nicely flowing idk. he was wearing a cap during the hi touch and holy fucking hell he has the nicest profile ive ever seen. thats all

sidenote: PLEASE be careful when camping days before a concert or even hours. a LOT of the people who had spent too much time in line to be closer to the stage had to leave the concert halfway through bc they were literally about to pass out after having spent so much time with poor sleep and unhealthy eating/drinking. enjoy your concert but also take care of yourselves!!

#monsta x #shownu #wonho #minhyuk #kihyun #hyungwon #jooheon #changkyun #mari.txt #mx in são paulo

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hobimo · 6 years ago

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Hello!! If you’re seeing this then it means you’ve read the final chapter of It Happened Quiet!! Thank you very much for making it all the way through :’’))

I figured, since this sort of my first time writing this much of a thriller/mystery kind of thing that there would be loose ends I didn’t manage to quite tie up, or details that probably deserve more explanation than I gave them, so I’m just going to write a big long masterpost about the fic, basically. I considered writing this like a big fancy essay but I haven’t written anything formal since high school, so you’ll have to excuse the informality :’’))

CHARACTERS

1. Yoongi

In the fic, Yoongi is 25 years old. In the past 14 years, he’s lived a very quiet life, going to school and befriending Namjoon, Seokjin, Jungkook and Jimin. He’s relatively unaware of his witch heritage and very dismissive of it in general, chalking it up to superstition.

The events of what happen in the forest when he and Hoseok go into it as children is very murky a) because I wanted to be sort of dark and never really clear but also b) because I couldn’t make up my damn mind about what I wanted. (pls forgivi). The breakdown is basically yoonseok go into the woods one day and they’re in for a big surprise and through some unclear turn of events, they have a falling out, and they’re just kids and they’re tired and hungry and scared, and things get thrown way out of proportion and they separate, and then things fall apart. Yes, Yoongi did intentionally leave Hoseok behind. Not through ill-will, he was just a kid and he was frustrated and scared and just wanted to get home, but as you can see the guilt literally eats him up as soon as he’s out and he can’t go back for Hoseok.

The majority of the flashbacks are experienced by Yoongi, as weird dreams or distorted memories or whatever, but they’re not necessarily his. That’s an important point I did try to reinforce by having Taehyung have memories that mirror Yoongi’s exactly. It was my attempt at playing the unreliable narrator card. I hope I did it justice :’’)

Anyways, story goes on, Yoongi chooses Taehyung over his friends when they have some weird inquest at his home, and then Jungkook does his big I release you and then taegi fall in love whatever it’s just like that in the countryside.

Something I did try with Yoongi was to have the witchy feel come back in the later chapters following his talk with Namjoon when his eyes go blue. I made him make sage oil instead of his sage-steeped-water-thing and threw in a few references to his mother doing it but never fully explaining it because she knows Yoongi isn’t his full self anymore. Essentially Yoongi’s “ghost” in the woods was his ‘witchy’ half. At least that’s what I tried, obviously he stayed kinda witch-boy aesthetic but you know.

2. Taehyung

Taehyung is my son and I love him. In Yoongi’s part of the story, he does show up with no memory at all and that’s because Yoongi’s half-life in the woods says give those to me, referring to his memories. By the time he reaches Yoongi’s door he’s basically a total amnesiac.

Obviously, I tried to give Taehyung and Yoongi as much parallels as I could. See: the cows, being called a ‘witch’ (even though Taehyung is 100% NOT a witch), the piano, etc. I also had him get involved with Hoseok mostly because I wasn’t prepared to try and fit in Taehyung’s gay awakening in the 8 chapters we had (but also so I could imply some sexy taegiseok poly), but also because I wanted to flesh out Hoseok’s character. Vhope were always going to be involved but originally I wasn’t going to reveal quite as much as I did in chapter 7. But I still had fun writing it so it’s whatever.

Some key points about Taehyung worth noting are how he chooses his friends and family (his siblings, his town) over Hoseok, especially with his line “You only have me, but I have a lot more than just you.” This is basically the mirror image of what Yoongi does when Jungkook confronts them, which gives you a little more insight into Taehyung’s character at the time. When he was shaking his head in chapter 6 it was more of a ‘don’t do it Yoongi please don’t do it’ instead of a ‘they’re speaking bs you should choose me’. Taehyung remembering Jungkook is something I justify since Jungkook is obviously more powerful than a witch half-life in the woods, so obviously the memories belong more to Jungkook than they do Yoongi. But also it was just fun.

Taehee and Taewoo live long and happy lives despite losing their big brother in the war. Taewoo becomes a farmer that moves down the valley, and Taehee ends up marrying Jungkook in the sixties. (It was Jungkook’s attempt at keeping her safe. It was very wholesome don’t go yikes on me!!! It also implies Taehyung has descendants in town but we don’t ever see them.)

Taehyung is the ‘fairy’ of the story. In return for the mortal body he gave Hoseok (blood and bone) Hoseok essentially made him into a fairy that could grant wishes. I thought it was cute, since Hoseok had called Taehyung a fairy earlier and stuff. (The alternate title for this fic was also “The Witch, the Fairy and the Woods” so.)

3. Namjoon

Namjoon is essentially god!!!! Even though he clowns the concept of god!!! There’s not much to say about him, I’ll get into it when we get to the LORE section of this mess of a masterpost. You can call Namjoon god or death or whatever makes you happy. When he said he was the ‘bad’ guy compared to Jungkook, it’s because Namjoon is essentially Jungkook’s boss and will have to punish him for breaking the rules as a shrine god. We’ll get to that later!

It is implied in the epilogue that Namjoon had more influence than he let on. If you’ll remember in the earlier chapters Yoongi says something like he has “less than 65,000 won to his name” and yet Namjoon transfers Seokjin “500,000 won”. Basically I was trying to hint that Namjoon was trying to nudge Yoongi along the path that would take him back into the woods by removing the vast majority of his savings. Food for thought!

Essentially Namjoon was just a fun venture fo me, I’d always wanted to write a character who knew everything but was just distant and mysterious enough to drive someone insane. Also when I was younger and read The Fault in Our Stars the author-guy mentions that the Flower Man in his story was God, and I’ve always kind of wanted to do that too. That’s about it for him. :’’)

4. Jungkook

I do feel like Jungkook’s character has been quite explained already in the fic, but he’s wonderful so we’re going to talk about him a bit more. As previously said, he’s the shrine god, and that means he lives his life in a constant cycle of reincarnation, essentially. Mortal body turnover may be a better way of putting it. He’s essentially the founding spirit of the town and the land it’s on, and has been for however long the land has been there outside of the woods. The runes on his arms don’t really mean anything when they appear in chapter 6, they’re just sort of symbolic of Taehyung—something of the woods—touching something he has no right to. If Yoongi had grabbed him, there would have been none of those markings.

Though he was obviously cold to Taehyung, Jungkook is a character I tried really hard to make very kind. He’s not bitter towards Taehyung, but he knows he has a job to put things back in their rightful order, and that involves sending Taehyung back to the woods. I’m sure he would have loved to tell Taehyung about what happened to his siblings, but alas, things didn’t work out that way. Rip.

5. Jimin

Jimin is the current Park, Jungkook’s direct servant and bOYFRIEND. Jikook love each other a whole lot and that’s why Jungkook risked it all to just be with him. It’s not mentioned in the fic, nor is it especially relevant, but Jungkook did have Jimin’s parents sent away when they started to get romantically involved because the elder Parks were obviously against it. As Namjoon says at the end of chapter 9, they’re going to live a very long and happy time together.

It did break my heart not to have vmin be best friends, and in the original drafts of the fic they were going to become somewhat friendly, but things didn’t work out that way. I think it was at least interesting for Jimin to be the way he was in the fic.

6. Seokjin

Owner of The Best dialogue. As said he’s part of some low-key exorcist order that the author didn’t spend enough worldbuilding time to fully develop, but it’s just a very low-key, very very top secret Order of families that have been going for ages and ages that are aware of the position of gods and stuff. Very different to witches. He is 100% normal human, and his father did die before he came to the village where Yoongi lives, and so his mother Mrs Kim decided she didn’t want her son to die the same way and had them stationed in this remote ass place. I’m not sure what else there is to say about him other than he’s Extremely Valid and I love him.

7. Hoseok

Namjoon calls him the ‘mouthpiece’ of the forest, but’s a bit more complicated than that. There’s a large part of Hoseok’s character that is still fundamentally him, but it’s a little bit funked up, as you can probably imagine. As you can imagine, deep down he still is that ten year old boy that got abandoned by his best friend in the woods, so he’s grown pretty possessive of the idea of Yoongi, since he couldn’t ever have him. His whole schtick with Taehyung is completely genuine, though.

I did spend a lot of time justifying how to make him older, since I did want to imply that Taegiseok poly at the end of the fic, and I figured Taehyung’s implied wish for a friend would have enabled Hoseok to grow with him. Also I just wanted a grown-up Hoseok. In the original drafts of the reunion scene, Hoseok was going to be naked, but I ditched that when I was writing chapter 7 because I doubt Taehyung would have even considered going near a naked boy in the woods.

8. Min Insook

Yoongi’s mother!! A bona fide witch, she relocated to the countryside with her husband some time before Yoongi’s birth and then her husband died. I don’t know why, but he did. She was obviously planning on using the ‘ley lines’ for her witch magic and stuff, hence why Yoongi’s early childhood is filled with odd mentions of forest gods and his mother making things at the counter, but after her son gets caught by the forest and leaves his ‘witchy’ half behind, Insook basically abandons all of that in favour of raising him normally.

I did wait until chapter 8 to reveal her name for no real reason other than I hadn’t thought of one. Sorry guys :’’))

Her death is completely natural and unrelated to the schenanigans of the story. She really just does get sick and ends up dying from it because she’s too proud to ask for help. HOWEVER, as Taehyung kept bringing up, some of her is left in the house. Her ‘ghost’ or half-life, whatever, stays in the house in an attempt to keep Yoongi from going back to the woods, since she says the instant Yoongi’s free of them that she ‘won’t let’ him go back. She made the choice for him. This continues for the rest of Yoongi’s twenty-five years, basically, until Yoongi has that weird dream where he meets his other half and basically sticks himself back together, turning his eyes a proper light blue like Hoseok’s and Taehyung’s, and giving him whatever witchy dominance he needs to break whatever binding spell is on him.

The white moth that appears in the epilogue is basically her metaphorical presence. It’s on the urn (her ashes) and Yoongi lets it outside, symbolising that he’s going to be free of his grief about her and that he’s broken free of her spell and whatnot. The household fae works mostly the same way, except that Yoongi releasing it is way more metaphorical in that he’s removing everything of a home (household) he used to see there. It’s basically the equivalent to him packing up and leaving.

As you can see this isn’t organised at all, and I apologise. Hopefully it still improves your understanding somewhat :’’)

LORE

Gods, Woods, Fairies

I did say throughout the fic that the word ‘fairy’ was very important and had several meanings. The epilogue covers the last one. They were:

1. Fairy = gay man (shown through Taehyung)

2. Fairies grant wishes (Yoongi wishes he went back)

3. “Before gods and monsters, they called them fairies.” (Mostly pertaining to Jungkook’s connection to the word.)

Obviously, you guys came up with WAY more complex and meaningful versions than I did, but they were the ones I had. Every interesting comment I got about the meaning of the word ‘fairy’ I basically accepted as canon, so thank you all for them :’’))

Gods

As previously stated, this is where we discuss Jungkook and Namjoon. This concept of gods is something I’ve had sitting around for a while. Basically it goes like this:

There are gods of people (Jungkook) and

There are gods of nature (the woods).

And then there’s Namjoon who’s essentially Mr Big Boss but whatever.

Gods of people like Jungkook are obviously fully equipped to understand and judge their subjects as best they can. He has a domain, the village and the surrounding land and all of its people, and he has a job: whenever they die, he has to make a judgement on their souls, basically. The idea that the god always has to have a reincarnation that has lived through every generation of people is so important here, because only then does he have the context to judge people’s choices fully. He was a young man during the war, so he can judge the soldiers that died on his land. Hence why he only really gets to the age of ~30.

Therefore, by choosing to love Jimin instead of finding a woman to love for a few decades and having an heir, he’s broken this rule that's been set that gods have to live through every generation and fully understand all their subjects. Jungkook will grow older, more distant to the younger people of the village, less able to judge them properly, and then once he reaches a certain age he can’t face the people without giving away his immortality.

Namjoon calls himself the ‘bad guy’ in this scenario because he will be the one taking Jungkook aside and fixing the mess he’s made. Namjoon is very kind, though, so the worst he’ll probably do is make Jungkook just restart the Jeon line, because losing Jimin is probably enough suffering.

The gods of nature like the woods are far less sophisticated. They don’t have this human range of emotions because they don’t have subjects to judge when they die. They’re gods of places and stuff. They are sentient, but not as people. Hence, when Hoseok more or less gets turned into the embodiment of the woods, he still retains the majority of his personality since the woods has nothing to replace it with. He’s just a little bit wilder.

I really hope this makes sense!! Please feel free to ask me more about it, since this particular lore is something I’ll definitely be re-using in future fics.

MOTIFS

The white deer

Honestly, I was very wary of overusing the white deer. I did try to sow some seeds in the early chapters that Yoongi is a little bit obsessed with it, seeing as he carved wood to look like it and even gets up when the white deer gets near his house—so don’t take it to be completely legitimate. The fact is, we’re never going to know what really went down in the woods between Yoongi and Hoseok, but the white deer is a scapegoat for Yoongi to unload his reasoning on, basically. It’s definitely a real thing, though, if you see a white deer in the wild make sure you nod to it and all that. It’s just that in this fic, it’s obvious Yoongi is kind of obsessed with it.

Also deers do eat birds. I watched a video where a faun ate a baby bird and I’ve been traumatised every since, but I thought it was a a valid image to use in that scene.

Sage

Honestly, I’m not sure about the validity of sage. If you’re native American and you know the proper rituals, that's a completely different ball game and you’re by Far the expert here. I’m just a babie who knows Nothing, but sage is something that keeps coming up pretty often in fics like these. In my family it’s more common to use things like rosemary or that tree I think is called a ‘money tree’ (I have no idea what it’s called, sorry.)

Eragon

The Eragon series is very important to me! That poem Yoongi recites is something I also use whenever it’s late at night and I start to freak out for whatever reason. When I first read it, it really stuck, and because I’m unimaginative I just gave Yoongi the same poem. Eragon was also a big part of my tween years, so I did just insert it straight into the fic. I haven’t read it in a VERY long time, though.

Final Notes

Taehyung’s initial wounds when he comes to Yoongi’s door are based off that one redidt post where op meets some strange man in a forest whose face is red with blood and he freaks out when he sees her old Walkman. I’ll definitely update this with the link when I find it again.

A major inspiration for this fic was the song “It Happened Quiet” by Aurora, and also some at by @feelfei on twitter that she has sadly taken down. I have the image saved, but I don’t know if I should attach it to this post without her permission, so I don’t think I will. It’s a very game-cam-esque drawing of a naked Taehyung in the middle of the dark woods with glowing eyes. It had the caption “something that came from the forest” and it was really inspirational to me (it’s also the image of the playlist)!! The final inspiration was the song “Human” by Sevdaliza.

I think that should be everything I have to say about this fic!! If you have any more questions let me know and I’ll be sure to update this as well. Thank you all so much for reading all the way through It Happened Quiet, it really means a lot to me. You’ve all been super kind and I wish you all the best!!

EDIT: finally found an excerpt of the original reddit post!! i think it’s been taken down tho rip. but you can see it here:

I could see that his nose and lips and part of his forehead were all gone. It was like they'd been sliced clean off. He was bleeding bad, and I saw that the knees of his pants were red too. He looked me over and he saw my Walkman and he screamed. He just kept babbling and touching his face, and I realized he wasn't wearing the right clothing. He had some kind of weird grey cloth jacket and almost formal pants on, and the jacket had these weird buttons and red borders on it. -- the only thing I could really understand: 'Don't touch me! You'll make me go back there!'

took me a while and it’s not the complete post but the fact that I found anything is nice! Thank you again!!

#cryptid #long post #re: it happened quiet

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marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches · 6 years ago

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I found the way Gamora acted in Infinity War really sad. I mean,in the Guardians movies,girl was "An evil planet guy that can warp reality is messing with my friends, I can handle it". But when it comes to Thanos,Gamora is terrified of him to the point of asking Peter to euthanize her. We heard of the awful things he did to her. Besides,I find really interesting that Gamora threatened Mantis with a broken jaw(that hurts),and felt the need to defend her from nonsense Drax said to her.

Wow, these are all really interesting points, parallels, and questions. I apologize that it’s taken me over a week to respond. Winter tends to put me in funk, plus I wanted to take time to really think about the wording of my answer. I do really appreciate any kind messages, especially so unique and respectful. I’ll try to answer both best as possible.

Of course I technically agree that Gamora’s scenes, narrative, lines, and mindset in Infinity War were incredibly sad. “Sad” as in tragic and heartbreaking. But if you mean, the way I think you’re implying, “sad” as in “regressive” or “cowardly” or “out-of-character” (meaning, “It’s so sad how the writers changed and ruined such a good character), I don’t see it that way at all. I think her plan, her actions, and what she sadly made Peter promise were perfectly fitting. It may not seem like it on the surface at first, but it was unbelievably brave and made sense given the circumstances.

In comparing the events to how Gamora reacted to Ego in Volume 2, I understand what you meant, since it’s true that Thanos and Ego are extremely similar in their cruelty, manipulation, using people as tools, disregard for life, twisted versions of love, and overall genocidal nature. ;) But the villains’ goals, and the plots of the films, are still very different, and the situations the Guardians, especially Gamora, are placed in are very different.

For starters, Gamora (and Peter and Nebula and all the others, except for Mantis) had just met Ego. Gamora didn’t fully know or understand what he was capable of, or the extent of his power. Her first thought after finding the skeletons, after learning Ego’s true intentions from Mantis, and realizing Peter was in serious danger, was probably an instant adrenaline rush to save her best friend and do whatever else they could to stop this evil celestial guy. She’s a good and moral person, and at the time was a newly-adjusting hero. There was no time to think or plan, just act. There was literally no reason in that situation for Gamora to ask someone to kill her. Ego wasn’t after her personally, she had no secrets for him to extract from her, and she wasn’t a lifelong expert on his methods and personality, hadn’t been fearing for years him coming back for her. The situation was much different with Thanos, where Gamora knows him inside and out. She knows his game, knows his goals, and knows just how goddamn powerful he is. One conversation with Mantis about Ego isn’t equivalent to a lifetime with Thanos. Ego was a sudden new baddie they had to take down right now (not only because he was torturing Peter, who she loved, but also because, by using Peter as a battery, the expansion and destruction was already taking place without a moment to spare).

And before going back to Thanos, I want to throw in there real quick that even if Gamora did understand more about Ego and had known about him for years, I think her first instinct still would’ve been “take him down, fuck him up” because again, he had Peter. There’s an insane adrenaline high you get when someone you love is in trouble. It doesn’t mean she wasn’t afraid, or knew for certain she could handle it, facing a fucking god. Of course she was scared. It’s natural. But she did it anyway, because getting their friend back was all that mattered. “Leave no one behind. Give me my insufferable, vain, sweet and dorky douche leader and friend BACK, you creep!” She’s extremely protective of our Star-Lord. ;)

But back to the events in Infinity War, I don’t think Gamora reacted that differently. When Thor told them Thanos was headed to Knowhere, Gamora didn’t refuse to help because “I/we can’t handle it.” She didn’t huddle in a corner of her bedroom. She didn’t try to fly the spaceship as far away as possible. She had an extremely similar “Let’s do it!” attitude as she did with Ego, if not a touch more afraid and less confident, for the factors I already mentioned - she knows this monster extremely well, and had probably feared for 4 years him coming for her, for Nebula, for Peter, for her friends and new family. It’s a fear that’s plagued her nightmares for a large chunk of time, and now it could become a reality. And yet she STILL said, “We need to stop Thanos!” not “Count me out.” She knew what they had to do, and wasted no time. Unlike on Ego, they weren’t already on the planet, and they had some traveling to do to get to Knowhere, and that gave her time to think and plan and make Peter swear to do something dreadful if things went badly. IF. Not definitely. IF Thanos captured her. She never said, “If we see Thanos, kill me.” or “Before we get to Knowhere, kill me.” or “I’d rather you kill me than do this mission.” No. It was “If Thanos gets me, kill me.” She didn’t want to die, didn’t say or believe her capture would undoubtedly happen. She just knew it was a possibility. Once they got to Knowhere, she went against Peter’s plans to go right so that she could fight Thanos hands-on, stabbed and tried to kill him herself. She was just as badass and brave as in Volume 1 and Volume 2, against Ronan and Ego.

The only difference you point out is that she asked Peter to kill her, and yes, that was huge and upsetting and awful, but that was only if captured, and again, it wasn’t a cowardly move whatsoever, but an extraordinarily brave and selfless and in-character move. Not only did Gamora refuse to be Thanos’ tool any longer, but she knew that he would be able to get the location of the Soul Stone out of her. She didn’t know that he had Nebula, that he would torture her sister to get the information, but she knew he could get it out of her somehow. Thanos and Gamora both know each other psychologically, so what she made Peter swear, despite breaking her heart (and the audience’s hearts), was one of the smartest, bravest, most tactful plans. It wasn’t her fear overtaking her. I feel like that’s the interpretation of a movie viewer who doesn’t understand what she’s been through or who she is. Honestly, that decision was Gamora looking at the situation logically, a situation she likely never stopped imagining since her escape, and resigning, if captured. It wasn’t because she was scared, it was because she saw it as the only solution to stop him from getting all 6 stones. She was trying to save the universe. To save all those random, innocent lives. So I think it worked.

But ya. Very sad. I still tear up, both watching it, and at all the unspoken implications. :(

Okay, tackling your point about how Gamora treated Mantis in Volume 2 seeming contradictory in different scenes, which shouldn’t take nearly as much time. :P And since you continued it a little bit in your second message, I’ll copy/paste that here so others (and yourself) know what’s what.

Continuing. Okay,Mantis had a scary power activated by touch,but one wouldn’t want to defend someone they threatened with maiming (?) from nonsense like “ugly”. Or maybe I’m missing something. Anyway,I love this blog. 💓💖

Again, interesting point, but I don’t see these two things as contradictory either. Yes, Gamora threatening Mantis with a broken jaw if she read her emotions by touching her was harsh and unnecessary, but…1) It’s possible Gamora was exaggerating and wouldn’t have literally hurt Mantis, and2) Even if Gamora was dead serious, and would have reacted violently if her privacy was invaded that way, literally breaking Mantis’ jaw or arm, Gamora had just met Mantis and didn’t instantly trust her, and3) Gamora is (even moreso back in the beginning of Volume 2) an extremely closed-off and private person, with very complicated emotions, and has been constantly training herself to hide and guide those emotions practically her entire life. To Peter, Mantis reading his emotions was odd and awkward and embarrassing. To Gamora, it was more than scary, it was fucking terrifying. No one is allowed inside her head. It seemed at the time, the only person she ever opened up to was Peter, and even then she had a lot of communication issues and was deflecting very often, still keeping so much hidden. It was a natural reaction to “If I touch your wrist, I’ll know what you’re feeling.” In Gamora’s eyes, pre-romantic-relationship, pre-major-events-of-Volume 2, has-only-been-out-of-Thanos-clutches-for-a-few-months Gamora’s eyes, that’s a big fuck no you don’t. It was an in-the-moment reaction, but it didn’t mean that she hated Mantis or deep down really wanted to hurt her. It was simply her first instinct to stop this stranger from getting into her brain, especially in front of an audience (Peter and Drax). Gamora doesn’t even understand her own emotions, she’s not gonna have them spelled out by this weirdo. :P

Cut ahead to later when Gamora is softer to her and says, “You’re not ugly” and scolds Drax - I think that was fine and fitting. I know not much time had passed, and at this point Gamora was trusting Ego even less, so a viewer might think by extension, Gamora was trusting Mantis less. And I think that’s a little bit true, since she admitted she could tell Mantis was hiding something, but Gamora could also probably sense that Mantis was genuine in her naivete and innocence, and was being used and brainwashed by Ego much like how Gamora and Nebula always were by Thanos. Aside from that, Gamora is just kind and sweet toward those that seem like they need defending, or those who are childlike and innocent (her sweet and precious goodbye to Baby Groot when they first left Berhert that morning to go with Ego rings a bell). Gamora and Drax disagree and bicker a lot, as do all the Guardians, and Gamora just instantly wanted to protect this poor girl from his bluntness, from anyone needlessly hurting her feelings. Gamora’s a nice person, despite how she can often become cold and defensive, and wouldn’t tolerate Mantis touching her and using her powers without permission. (Plus, Gamora didn’t scream at Drax, just gave him a ‘Hey, come on, that’s not nice’ glare and tone.) Both scenarios, again, felt natural.

WOW, that was a way longer response than was probably warranted, but your messages made me think a lot! I hope I expressed this well. If I think of any more points, I’ll add them later. I’m sorry again that these friggin’ essays took almost 2 weeks. I don’t want to seem like a hypocrite, excitedly telling folks in my FAQ to please send me messages, and than seeming like I don’t pay them much attention. I’m just a procrastinator, especially during this horrid season. ;)

Thank you so much for the sudden messages, and saying that you love the blog! I’m super glad! Very appreciated and flattering. It’s neat to learn that you value my opinion enough to send me these thoughts and questions! ^_^

(I’ll respond to your newer message about that infamous scene with Peter on Titan, and how Gamora likely would’ve reacted if the roles were reversed, at a later time. Probably Sunday. I hope that’s all right. Take care!)

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oh-my--dais · 7 years ago

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My completely unsolicited advice for doing your GCSEs (or any other official examination for that matter) - it's super long so if you cba to read, just read the bold :)

1. PRIORITISE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!!!!! Please read the whole but because the story is important bc there are mini lessons as well. My God, I wish someone had told me this as I was doing my GCSEs. This one's coming first because it is by far the most important. I had some family shizz going on which spun me into a spiral of depression, to the point where I didn't even care about things happening in my life. I completely dissociated from my friends, and when none of them did anything, I felt even more depressed and the anxiety started settling in that they didn't like me. And whilst I hope this doesn't happen with anyone else (my friendship group was fairly toxic and everyone was very self-absorbed, so that could have been partially responsible). But at the same time people won't be able to know what's going on if you don't tell them you need help.

Anyway, I lost contact with all of my friends and I hung out with them because they were there and I didn't want to be alone, but I wasn't invited to any of their gatherings. In the end, after my exams had finished, I told my mum about how I was feeling, bear in mind I'd completely shut everyone out of my life, and she got me seeing a therapist, who I still see on occasion. But it helped SO MUCH, I wish I'd done it before the exam season started because I literally didn't have any motivation to get out of bed, let alone revise. So go speak to someone, it can be a close friend, a parent, a sibling, or even a teacher, don't think you have to get a therapist if you can't afford one or anything. But telling someone about how you're feeling will definitely help.

Bear in mind also that I didn't even realise how bad I was being affected until recently after I got out of my funk, I genuinely thought I was fine at the time (the reason I spoke to my mum was that I was having awful panic attacks before my exams, which were partially brought on by the insane amount of coffee I was drinking to counteract the insomnia).

Wow that was long.

Tl,dr; Speak to someone about the way you're feeling, and recogise that you might not be doing ok and keep your friends close.

2. Don't be afraid to cut out parts of your essays. This is so so so so so important when it comes to essay writing. Even if you think it's a good point, don't be afraid to cut it out. Examiners want to see that you're able to be consice and are able to select the most important parts. English literature coursework, my draft was SEVEN PAGES, front and back, three times the word count, and my teacher just handed it back to me and said that she wasn't marking all that but so far it's very good. So I went home and cut out 6 of the 9 body paragraphs and guess what?

One hundred per cent!

A similar thing happened in my actual Eng Lit exam where I only wrote two body paragraphs and when I told all my friends they kinda looked at me like "errrr" because it was obvious that I hadn't written enough but guess what?

One hundred fucking per cent, again, the first person to do it in my school for 5 years.

So get your points your main points and select the ones which you can put the most analysis into (because that's where you get your main marks).

3. Choose your A-levels wisely. Please please please, for the love of God, DON'T do what you're good at at GCSE. Do subjects which you enjoy and are genuinely interested in, I don't have an anecdote for this one, well I do but I think that's just the main point: if you just do subject purely because you're good at it, you will HATE it at A -level, trust me on this, choose subjects which you wouldn't mind reading a non-fiction book about, or enjoy learning about/would learn about outside of the syllabus.

4. Schedule your revision timetable around your extracurriculars. If you cut out your hobbies/are changing your regular routine too much, you aren't going to be able to stick to it, and set a limit for the amount of revsion you're allowed to do each day and have rest days ever so often (I did 4.5 hours a day with a rest day every 4 days).

5. Practice papers are your best friend. Exams aren't testing what you know, they test whether you're able to apply that knoweldge to other situations, this is something you'll definitely need to know for maths. A boy I know got 11A* in his exams (bearing in mind that the standard for most schools are 9/10 GCSEs i.e. he took an extra exam for which he taught himself the course), and he said that he only ever revises by doing practice papers. He isn't just one example, everyone who I know who got at least 6A*s said that they just used past papers.

I also watched a Ted Talk about how practice papers are the most effective revision technique.

Hope this helped :D

#study ideas #study inspo #studying #study motivation #studyspo #studyblr #studyspiration #studyinspo #advice #gcses 2018 #exams #help #theorganisedstudent

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sweetwriting · 7 years ago

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Category: Gen

Genre: Angst/Family/Fluff

Fandoms: DC Comics, Batverse

Continuity: Post-Crisis/Pre-Flashpoint

Summary: In Hindsight, Tim realizes he used to be both extremely naïve and aware of the world. He wasn't sure whether he had “grown” or just changed. But too much had happened for him to be the same.

Word Count: 1 970

AN: Hello everyone. I'm sorry for not posting this sooner but, while most of my works are somewhat finished, I write on paper and rewriting on the computer takes time (and then comparing the first draft to the rewriting, and then trying to edit it a little because of mistakes...it takes more time than I'd like to admit...though the rewriting part is what takes the longest because sometimes it takes me like 3 days to do one sentence because I remember I have homework or I have to go to work...). I won't be posting day 5 (favorite relationship) because...I couldn't choose between Dick and Kon and tried to use both and it ended up becoming sorta TimKon and I didn't want Dick to feel left out...or Bart and it's a mess I have to try to rework. If I can't manage to rework it I'll post the best version. As for day 6, I just thought I had rewritten it on my computer and posted it when I started rewriting day 7 but I haven't yet and I'm currently rewriting others (TimKon Week and the Batfam Halloween event) so... it'll come, one day ^^'.ANYWAY. This piece, while a standalone can be seen as a sequel to that piece. I hope you enjoy it :)

To read it on AO3

In hindsight, Tim realizes he used to be both extremely naïve and aware of the world.

In the words of the internet, his naïveté mainly came from his privilege.

He knew a lot of things from reading newspapers (well…what had been about Batman and other heroes as well as what he could gather about Art History which, depending on the journalist, could open a window on the world) but it was “from afar”, he was never really confronted with their concrete application until he met Bruce and was transferred to a non-private (and non-boarding) school. Meeting Ives and Ariana was kind of a wake-up call and so was meeting Steph and, really, the many others who followed. There was also his constant denial of the state of his birth family and how it had impacted the way he took the death of Dick’s parents by projecting on Batman and Robin…that….took some time to deal with (hint: he had never truly dealt with it) and was the root of many of his issues. And then, then there was all he saw of the world as Robin.

Now, however, he had become almost completely cynical. There was a reason why he knew the Anti-Life Equation after all. Sort of. Because at the same time, even if it made sense, he refused it and there was a very simple reason for that. The naïve part of his being never truly left and, in a way, was heavily encouraged by his training with Batman. There is something to say after all, about a man dressed as a bat who tries to prevent others from being hurt the way he had been during the night and who tries to help redeem the crimes of others by giving them constant second chances as well as tries to prevent them by making affordable healthcare or rehabilitation programs through various of his own associations and giving money to others. Because that belief that people could change, that you should trust that they would try and deserve those new chances? It was all Bruce’s.

Of course, Bruce had also had to learn paranoia so some of his lessons went against this faith in people, yet, despite all the paranoia he had tried to create in his protégé, a part of Bruce always seemed to be burning with the trust he put in others (or maybe it was just a hope that he could trust them?). And Tim had been at the best place to see it worsen over the years. As such he ended up developing a paranoia-trust dichotomy similar to Bruce’s but… He never quite managed to take his paranoia as far as Bruce’s - or Dick's- because he couldn’t help himself and almost always trusted people he had just met despite himself. He had learned, however, not to be surprised if he was betrayed and to sometimes prepare for it even if a tiny bit - and even then, he never completely managed to if his surprise that no one would give him the benefit of the doubt after Bruce's death was anything to go by. Because being trusting didn’t mean being an idiot.

It was amazing how he had both changed and stayed the same over the years.

He had gone through a lot to learn to balance awareness turned paranoia and naïveté, cynicism and trust and there were periods of time when he couldn’t help the cynicism and paranoia overcoming him. It was especially bad after Conner’s death as it was probably the first time they had truly made themselves known (instead of simply just being him channeling his inner Bruce and Dick in order to appear professional) and then Bruce’s death. Though… It was mostly true after Bruce’s death. The truth is that after Conner’s he wasn’t really functioning enough of a person for anything besides crushing depression and overall numbness for those to overcome him (maybe he should consider Bart’s death as a threshold too?). And retrospectively, Bruce’s method of “repressing it until it no longer bothers you” hadn’t worked. on him. If anything it had made things worse. Because for Bruce, even for Dick really, repressing actually fueled them. Of course, their level of angst and depression went up too but it still helped their vigilante life. On a side note it seemed like the Batfam was blessed with overall good friendships with outsiders who often did what they could to help them out of their funk when repressing became too much for them, and maybe that was Tim’s issues. His friends were either dead or… “out of the way” …Though unlike most of his family Tim didn’t really have any issue with asking for help.

So for Tim, that technique just…blocked him. Blocked him until his level of empathy seemed to start lowering and he just did what he had to do to help.

He honestly doesn’t know what would have happened to him if Bruce…No. If Conner hadn’t come back. Because realizing Conner was really alive, that he could have his best friend back? It felt as if he could be happy again (that night he had smiled one of his first honest smiles of happiness, of contentedness in over two years and finding actual clues about Bruce’s survival was important but not for the obvious reasons). After that -and he hated saying it- but getting Bruce back wasn’t as important. Not because he didn’t care, of course, after all, he’d have given his life to bring him back if it had been needed. The thing is though, had Conner been with him in the first place when Bruce had died, he would have mourned him. He wouldn’t have been desperate to have him be alive to the point of noticing something was wrong. And this belief (no, this knowledge) mattered because having Bruce and Dick hadn’t helped him mourn Conner. Bruce being alive was more important for the family, or even Gotham at that point more than for Tim’s sake. Well except for his sanity (and that’s why he could finally digest the idea that his best friends were back, Paris hadn’t been a hallucination). Learning that Bruce was indeed alive and that he hadn’t “gone insane with grief” was pretty great.

So having both back? That was the best feeling and it was also key in turning two years of hell into fuel for growth instead of just stagnating at an all-time low.

The sole fact that he still needed a crutch to help him deal said a lot about the state of his mental health but he had come a long way from the time when denial and projecting were his main coping mechanisms. Kon had helped a great deal in reminding Tim that he was allowed to deal while Bruce was probably one of the first people to actually listen and respond to Tim’s babbling (whether it was about his days, his missions, and Tim had even started talking about some of his issues. For all intent and purposes, Bruce had acted like his father very early on. He had been a better father than his biological father had been. And Tim couldn’t help but feel bitter at the fact that Bruce had been a relatively better father for him before he adopted him than after…not on all matters seeing as he had been more openly affectionate with Tim but it didn’t prevent Tim from feeling like he always had to prove he was worthy of it. ....Damian hadn’t helped). It was the same with Dick who was his brother long before either were adopted by Bruce, who had become his brother when he had been his Batman, which is why losing him after Bruce (and Conner) died destroyed the small amount of stability Tim had left. But again, had Conner been alive, had tim still noticed something was wrong, he could have dealt with this.

It wasn’t so much because Tim was dependent on Conner more than he was on Bruce and Dick. Though he kinda was, it’s more that Conner had helped him realize that he didn’t need Bruce and Dick as much as he used to because he had actual relationships like Cassie, Bart or Cass (even Cissie and Anita had they not somewhat lost touch). But Conner died barely more than a year after they founded Young Justice and due to their own complicated history, the development of their friendship and their help with each other’s issues had happened too close to Conner’s death for Tim to be able to apply what he had learned in dealing healthily (or as healthily as possible). He had time to get attached to his best friend in the five months that followed the reveal of his identity but he hadn’t had enough time to adapt to this attachment in a relatively healthy way. Still, Cassie had helped him a little after they made up -after she discovered how terribly he was dealing with Conner’s death- and so did Dick (after all he was the one Tim called when he felt suicidal enough to be tempted to jump or take one too many pills).

Mostly though, Tim was never as content as when he was with Conner. He’d love to say as happy but sadly, while it was a bit true, before Conner’s death, he and Tim’s friendship had truly started at a time when their environment prevented either of them from actually being happy and the fact that so much happened in such a short lapse of time didn’t help. Between Bruce being accused of murder, Tim’s father losing his money and going back to forgetting he had a son to take care of, then finding about his night life and his death following Steph’s, Conner having to deal with his non-existent life outside of heroics and trying to adapt to having a relatively stable family, having to get used to a new name, a new identity , learning that he was half megalomaniac instead of 9/10th Apple Pie as well as what seemed to be like feelings for Cassie to deal with -which, retrospectively weren’t even especially romantic,….It had been a lot.

But now, now that Tim had started processing everything that happened to him? Conner was the person who made him the happiest and the most content. He was even getting ready to talk to Bruce after having recently talked with Dick.

He was truly amazed at how so many terrible things had allowed him to get so much better than how he had started out when it came to trust and love. How putting his trust in others had been so rewarding and how even the harshest betrayals had helped him.

How despite everything, while he had become fairly cynical he could still be so utterly trusting. How, while he had shed some of his naïveté it hadn’t completely disappeared so much as evolved into a belief in people despite his knowledge that they could and might betray him.

And as he was sitting in the kitchen beside the picnic Alfred had prepared for him and Bruce to eat after their Tennis matches (which is when they would talk. There was to better way to unwind before a meeting you knew was gonna be tense).

He was eating freshly made cookies and couldn’t help feeling apprehensive of how their talk was going to go through. Yet, unlike what a lot of people would believe, Bruce was a good listener when he realized the subject at hand was something important for the person he was communicating with (unless very specific circumstances). So if things had gone well with Dick? And if he had a shot at repairing his relationship with all his loved ones? He would take it.

Author’s end note : When I rewrote this on word the first thing I thought was "damn this is so messy" then I stopped and realized "you wrote this from Tim's Point of Vue, of course it's messy"... if I start forgetting how I'm writing my stories I'm not gonna go far...

By the way, one @Chonaku-Things told me recently that it was impressive how I almost always manage to bring everything back to my ships (especially true for TimKon and SpideyTorch) and I would like to defend myself. It's not that I do it because I ship them, it's quite the opposite as I simply ended up shipping them because that's how they're written (whether on purpose or not). It's their fault, I just notice the patterns and end up shipping it because it's almost always there.

Here's a post that explains how I see the timeline between the first Young Justice issue and Infinite Crisis (though it technically starts at the beginning of Robin v4). Well...Sort of. I didn't detail it because for this all you need is an overview and I didn't have the faith to do it event by event (I have a relatively complete chart in my mind but I'm not an encyclopedia so there are some things that're missing or might be wrong for the detailed version that I'd have to look up. Which is why I keep this chart short and clear, it helps recenter the timeline and reduces the issues I have to go through when I need something a bit more complete, it's weird to have it done instead of just staying in my head).

Anyway, I'm a bit tired of people who talk about Tim's paranoia being on par with Bruce's as a way to show how extremely paranoid he is when:

Bruce in Pre-New 52 wasn't actually that paranoïd (unlike New 52 or Nolan's movies, most of his choices come from his experience yet "paranoia" usually means it's not warranted).

Tim is like...one of the most trusting members of the Batfam. The end of his Robin run and his Red Robin series are his most distrustful periods and the kid still keeps on trusting people. (he told pretty much everyone he thought there might be a chance Bruce was alive. He told Cassie he had freaking heard the Anti-Life Equation, he trusted Lynx even if he knows it might not be true and I doubt it's just because she's pretty (even if Tim does have a weakness for pretty girls he still does these kinds of things everyone?...just not the making out part)).

I've also actually read A Lonely Place of Living and it was terrible. Like, I didn't expect to like it and I knew that if they tried to pretend N52/Rebirth Tim was the same as pre New 52 Tim it was going to get messy (different to the point of almost opposition personalities will do that to you), but I didn't expect it to be that bad. If you want my more complete opinion on ALPoL here's my liveblog of it.

#timkon #DC comics #tim drake positivity week #Tim Drake #Dick Grayson #BrOTP: Tim & Dick #Family: The Waynes #BrOTP: TimKon #OTP: TimKon #Conner Kent

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ramajmedia · 5 years ago

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Fear The Walking Dead: Victor Strand's 10 Best Quotes, Ranked

On AMC’s Fear The Walking Dead, which is currently airing its fifth season (and already renewed for a sixth) characters have come and gone. But one that remains solid since the first season is Victor Strand, played by Colman Domingo.

He’s eloquent and charming, but also cunning and calculated. Always quick with a remark, he’s prophetic, speaking the truth (or sometimes simply a truth he has fabricated in his own mind to be as such), but deep down, is a good person who simply finds it difficult to be himself.

RELATED: Fear The Walking Dead: 10 Times The Show Broke Our Hearts

During his time with the old group and new, Victor has uttered some interesting, humorous, and philosophical words. Sometimes, they’ve puzzled others, sometimes angered them, and other times made them think.

Here are his 10 best quotes thus far, ranked.

10 Save Yourself

“Save yourself, Nick. Let others drop behind.”

This statement is very telling as to the kind of person Victor is, or perhaps was before the apocalypse since softened him over the last few years. He spoke this line early on to Nick when retrieving a key to help break him out of a quarantine zone. When Nick asked him if he was just going to leave the others without helping them, this is how Victor replied, noting that helping others could hurt them – there was no value added in doing so.

This is the way Victor saw the world, tit for tat. You do for me, I do for you. If there’s nothing in it for me, it isn’t worth my time to help you.

9 Coffee is for Closers

“I look at a person like you and I think. You are a buyer. How do I know? Because I am a closer. I can sell anything, everything.”

In the first season, Victor showed just what a cunning and manipulative person he could be. With the typical salesman attitude, mixed in with some con man flair, he could convince pretty much anyone of anything to get what he wanted. It was a skill he had perfected in the world before, and one he was trying to leverage now that the world had changed.

Victor is fully confident in his abilities to get whatever he wants, because, well, he’s a closer. And he’s not afraid to let anyone and everyone know it.

8 People Are The Danger

“You know what the real danger is on the ocean? It’s people. Strangers. Friends.”

This line, spoken in the second season, showed that Victor recognized early on what was most dangerous in this new world, and it wasn’t the dead, but rather the living. While others fought to connect, help, and trust survivors, Victor wanted to steer clear of anyone who wasn’t part of his inner circle.

RELATED: The 10 Worst Episodes Of The Walking Dead According To IMDb

Perhaps because of the type of person Victor was, he knew what desperation could do to a person, and how easy it could be to present yourself to someone as something you’re not, then stab them in the back. And in this world, that could mean quite literally.

7 People Don’t Change

“People don’t change. When pressed, when cornered, the artifice falls and the curtain drops. They always show you who they really are.”

Is Victor right or just a cynic? He believes that you are who you are, and while your attitude and actions might change due to circumstance, in the end, your true colors will always shine through.

Fitting given the theatrical way he often speaks, as though he’s reciting a monologue from a Shakespearean play, he uses the analogy of a curtain dropping as someone shows who they really are behind the mask of their performance when they are backed into a corner. Ironically, the statement sort of applies to Victor himself as well, who wears many masks when he needs to, while no one truly knows who the real Victor is, perhaps not even himself.

6 With Tragedy Comes Humor

“It’s not possible to have a sense of tragedy without having a sense of humor.”

Victor is often prophetic in his statements, like this one, which has some truth to it. Sometimes, you have to have a sense of humor about tragic events in order to help you get through them. Victor, like others in the new world, has shared his own sense of tragedy and deals with it in the way he knows best.

Sometimes people might deem his actions or reactions inappropriate or selfish. And sometimes they are. But when you really stop to think about it, he really makes sense with this comment, spoken in the third season. Interesting, the episode is titled “la serpiente” which translates to “The Snake,” a name that Daniel gave to Victor after he betrayed him.

5 Beware of the Revolt

“Dissatisfaction breeds dissent, and dissent leads to revolt.”

Victor knows what people are like, and when they are not happy with their current situation, particularly in large groups, they will speak up. There’s power in numbers. This conflict can breed and grow as dissatisfaction rises, and eventually, as Victor suggests, lead to people rebelling against the system.

RELATED: 10 Best Walking Dead Funko Pops, Ranked

We’ve seen it happen time and time again throughout Fear the Walking Dead and the sister series on which it is based, The Walking Dead. Victor is far wiser than people give him credit for, though sometimes slightly too pessimistic.

4 I Like to Drink

“I was an amateur. I’ve gone pro.”

During Victor’s downward spiral following the takedown of the baseball stadium and the sacrificial death of Madison, John Dorie catches him drowning in booze and casually asks if Victor was a drinker even before all of the world went to heck. Victor’s response is typical Victor, adding some humor to his own personal tragedy.

Likening being an amateur to being a casual drinker and being a “pro” to burgeoning on being an alcoholic, Victor makes light of his dire circumstance. Thankfully, it seems he has since gotten out of his funk and has put the liquor behind him, but for celebratory occasions.

3 We’re Just Like Them

“The only difference between us and the passed is a few day’s rations.”

When you stop to think about it, Victor is terrifyingly correct about this statement. Without food to sustain them, the group would most certainly eventually perish. And as any fan of the show knows, once you pass on, regardless of how (with the exception of a significant blow to the brain) you reanimate and become the walking dead.

So those beings walking about aimlessly, with the sole need to feed on human flesh are really just like humans, who are also walking around aimlessly, seeking out sustenance and water to keep themselves alive.

2 The Rules of the Boat

“Please, let me explain the rules of the boat. Rule number one, it’s my boat. Rule number two, it is my boat. And if there remains any confusion about rules one and two, I offer rule number three, it’s my goddamn boat.”

In the second season when Victor leads to the group to his wonderful boat in hopes of escaping on the water and finding refuge somewhere safe, everyone seems to have an opinion. And Victor wants to make it clear that he’s in charge.

That means don’t touch his things, don’t try and boss people around, particularly him, and he makes the decision. Because, well, it’s his goddamn boat.

1 Embrace the Madness

“The only way to survive a mad world is to embrace the madness.”

Arguably the most well-known and truthful statement uttered from Victor through the series’ run thus far, he speaks these words to Nick when the young man asks if he’s insane. If you don’t embrace the madness and simply try to run from it or pretend it doesn’t exist, you can’t survive.

Just like any problem in life or dire circumstance, you must embrace it in order to get through. It has worked so far for Victor, though he has been near death more than once. But embracing the madness at this point is the only choice left to make.

NEXT: Fear The Walking Dead: 10 Things We Can’t Stand About Morgan

source https://screenrant.com/fear-walking-dead-victor-strand-best-quotes/

#screenrant

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mnranger5 · 5 years ago

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Biggun’s in June, Tonka Teas, The Pig Saga (part 3) and some serious Boat Drama, Cedar Lake (New Prague) and Lake Minnetonka 6/21/19 -6/24/19

June fishing has been historically great fishing for me! I’ve some serious pigs in June, and I’m not talking about the pork variety. Generally, June sees fish coming out of their post spawn funk and ready to get chomping. This is exactly what we experienced on 6/21/19 at Cedar Lake in New Prague. The only thing is, the highlight of the night was quite unexpected.

I had a slight dilemma on my hands. Nerd Alert: Josh and I had a good session of Call of Duty going. We had one victory in the books and were playing well. Mike texted and asked about fishing. We had talked about taking my boat because his was in the shop getting some electrical work done. I had a decision to make. Fishing or Call of Duty. The wind was blowing like a hurricane, which I hate. But obviously, I still picked fishing! I loaded the boat up and headed over to Mike’s.

Prelude to the Boat Drama (later in the blog): My boat trailer has been acting up. The wheels have been getting blazing hot on occasion and smell like something is burning. I knew something wasn’t right with the trailer which is why I canceled our Mille Lacs trip that weekend. I didn’t want to take the trailer on a long ride. Instead I suggested we stay local.

So local is what we did. Mike and I trailered my boat over to Cedar Lake, a short 5 minute drive from his house. We dumped the Nitro in the lake, and slowly made our way out of the shallow bay and toward the main lake. Cedar Lake is a very shallow lake, known for it’s crappies, largemouth bass and occasional tiger musky. Mike an I have fished this lake a few times together and had some decent luck.

We spent the first 30 minutes using side imaging to mark locations (rocks) we wanted to come back and fish. We couldn’t fish them while marking the rocks because we were running the motor in about 5-7FOW and likely spooking everything around us. We’d come back later and sneak up on ‘em with the trolling motor (if we could get it to work...)

We started on the eastern shoreline, a bit protected from the wind. We hit it with jig, crankbait and spinnerbait. Picking up a couple of very small bass.

We buzzed to the western shoreline looking for a downed tree that has ALWAYS produced fish on previous occasions. Unfortunately, the bay was choked out with weeds this year which is very unusual because the lake floor is usually so clean in this area. Anyway, it took us awhile, but we did find the tree buried in curly tail pondweed. We fished it for less than 5 minutes before leaving. Now that the fish have cover in all the weeds around the tree, they didn’t appear to be sitting on the tree. Bummer.

We moved over to the prominent point on the SW side of the lake. No bites. We continued south, around the point. I decided to slow down the presentation. I tied on a shakeyhead with a 7” Motor Oil ribbontail worm. On my fist cast, I landed just next to a dock post. Let it sink. Popped it two times. It was buried in the grass. Popped it again. At this point the line started moving to the left. Something had picked it up. I set the hook hard to some solid resistance. I started reeling it in telling Mike I didn’t think it was very big. The fish came flying out of the water and Mike bellow out, “That’s a giant!” The fish pulled around the back side of the boat before I pulled him in next to the boat. Mike pulled him out. He was a giant. Although my scale had run out of batteries, we figured this fish was in the 4.5 pound range.

We were getting hammered with the wind so we moved out of the wind to the eastern shoreline, fishing docks with shakeyhead and other more finesse techniques. We were getting bit, but most fish were in the 10-12” range. Not the size fish we were looking for.

We decided on moving back out on the rocks in open water. Yes, the wind may make things tough for boat control, but we have Ultrex spot lock which makes fishing in wind less of a hassle. Mike worked the rocks with a big jig while I went with the drop shot. We picked up a couple more small bass and one crappie. We moved down the rocky point close to the shoreline. As the wind blew around the corner, there was a swirl in the water – looked like an eddy. I cast right in the middle of it. Right as I cast, Mike mentioned something about the swirl in the water and how I needed to cast it. Great minds think alike! Just as he said it, I felt a fish bump my 2.5” natural colored Gulp drop shot worm. I set the hook. Oh yeah, there was definitely a fish on. The fish almost lethargically moved from the front to the back of the boat, staying deep in the water column. I laugh when I think about that because deep in this area means the fish was circling the boat in 4-5 FOW. It’s a bit surprising we could not see him swimming, but it was overcast, and the water is stained. The fish worked the length of the boat two different times as I tried my best to reel in the drag it was pulling out. My setup was either 4lb test line, and the only reason I was using such light line is that I had it setup for Aidan when he goes fishing over at Cobblestone for panfish. After about 2 minutes of cursing myself as to why I didn’t bump up the line diameter on this reel, the fish finally came to the surface. It was a musky, a big strong tiger musky! An excitement came over the boat that doesn’t usually happen. Musky are rare. It’s said that musky hit on 1 in 10,000 casts. For me, it’s probably more like 1:30,000. Mike and I both wanted this fish in the boat. Mike netted the musky, which didn’t fit in the net too well. The back half of the freshwater Jaws spilled out of the net, dangling over the edge. Mike hoisted the net into the boat. She was secured.

Only the second musky I have ever caught and landed in my life! This one came in at 44” long. A true giant by tiger musky standards.

We finished the evening fishing the south shoreline of the lake. Neither of us had ever fished this area, which is surprising, because the shoreline was littered with downed trees, docks and lily pads One tree in particular, we mush have taken a dozen casts at with no bites. We came back to the tree after a few minutes and casted it another dozen times. Mike worked it hard with the lizard. On his last cast to the tree, he was rewarded with this 3+ pound bass.

6/22/19

As I eluded to earlier, Mike and I were supposed to take my boat up to Mille Lacs this morning. But, with the trailer problem I was having, I decided to keep our fishing trip local. Mike showed up at my house at 4:40AM and we headed off to Minnetonka.

We spent a significant portion of the morning fishing the bridge between Crystal and Smith Bay as well as the shoreline of Smith Bay. Smith Bay proved most productive as we picked up several smaller bass. We looked for bass around Gale Island, Mahpiyata Island, the boat slip inlet around Narrows Bridge. We ventured further west fishing in Spring Park Bay, Black Lake, Seton Lake before moving into Jennings Bay. Just before the girls were set to meet us at Lord Fletchers, I hooked up with this chunky little girl using a Strike King squarebill crankbait over a rocky hump just south of Deering Island.

By 1PM, the weekend warriors owned the lake with their jet skis, wake boats and yachts. The seas were fierce. Fishing the main lake was out of the question. Dyan and Rachel met us at Lord Fletchers for some great food, and drinks. I think they were called Tonka Teas. A little bit of tea, and a whole lot of vodka!

We all then made a crazy insane boat ride down to Menards. The waves were so big, some of those in our party had bruises on their butts by the time we arrived. The ride made for a lot of laughs. We had more good food, and more beverages. Before taking a final boat ride back to Grays Bay. An amazing day on the water!

6/23/19

Mike put Pepa on the smoker around 8AM. She cooked all day long and turned out looking a little prettier than her sister, George.

Around 4PM, Mike sliced her open. She was done perfectly. The extra week she lived allowed her to put on nearly 10 more pounds, and it definitely made a noticeable difference in the amount of meat yielded.

6/24/19

Seriously, with the amount of issues I’ve had with my Z19, I almost have to chuckle and look around for the hidden camera. Nobody in their right mind would spend the amount of money on a brand new boat that we spent and be cool with the boat being at the shop more than it’s been on the water. The boat went back to the shop first thing Monday morning. I dropped it off at Cabela’s at 9AM. The service manager approached my boat along with a technician before I even got out of the truck. Nice, this was some serious service! But it was short lived….very short lived.

Without even inspecting the boat, the service manager indicated everything looked just fine, and that the wheels were supposed to heat up. As the service manager was doing his best job to send me on my way,the tech reached down and felt the wheel. Blazing hot. He pulled his hand away like he’d just had molten lava spilled on him. “Whoa!” he yelped, “that’s not normal.” The tech ran off to the garage like he was in search of ice. The service manager rolled his eyes and asked where I bought the boat. “Oklahoma,” I responded. But he cut off anything else I was about to say with informing me I clearly bought it from a “sh!tty” dealership that didn’t give a “rat’s @ss” about the rigging of the boat. I was listening. He informed me the dealership didn’t set up the trolling motor or Talons correctly. The tech returned, with a jack. He raised one side of the trailer. Both wheels should have spun freely. Both were locked up in place. He lifted the other side. Same result. This trailer had major issues. The service manager now believed it was shot bearing and needed now brakes, pads and rotors. I would be leaving the boat with them today. I also told him about the intermittent power and the problematic release cable on the trolling motor. They said they would look at it.

Later in the afternoon, Cabelas called saying the boat and trailer were fixed up and ready to be picked up. Upon arriving, the service manager again met me in the parking lot. He said they fixed the bearings, and e-brake. He then went on to tell me that they re-rigged my Talons and are now done correct. They also said they could not replicate the trolling motor issues, so nothing was fixed.

I left Cabelas happy to have my trailer fixed. When I got home that night, I backed the trailer into the garage. For good measure, I felt the trailer wheels fully expecting them to be perfectly cool. They were blazing hot. You’ve got to be kidding me. Nothing had been fixed, or at least the problem had not been fixed. This trailer needed more time in the shop.

National Dance Competition, Wisconsin Dells, 6/26/19

The girls have been so excited for this week for a long time now. It was Nationals Week! Lucky for me, all but one of the girls dances fell on one day, so I was able to drive to the Dells early Wednesday morning and catch their dances. As usual, the girls both received platinum awards for their dances - the highest awards given. They’ve worked so hard all year. so I was thrilled for them that they were rewarded with such amazing results at Nationals!

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thecloudupblog · 5 years ago

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Q&A With Broke Face

1. Where are we talking from today? I am currently writing from the kitchen table as I've been gently nudged out of my home studio, dubbed Found Sound Laboratory, by my daughters and their friends while they have an impromptu jam session on drums, an old Casio (named Casios Clay), pink ministrat, and a cheap radio shack mic plugged into an even cheaper tremolo amp. It's polyphonic insanity that sounds better than anything I could spend months trying to perfect in GarageBand. 2. Where did you get your artist name from? BrokeFace is a name that came out one day while I was writing lyrics and I dug it. It's become a persona I can use to really get to the crux of something I'm meditating on. I personally might not be able to point out a very painful truth about me to myself, which I consider one of my responsibilities as a writer, but BrokeFace has that freedom and it's been quite liberating, if not a little harrowing. 3. Music-wise what are you working on right now? Are you currently promoting a single or album? I am currently finishing an album titled Dirty White. It's a mixtape of pieces I've been working on since I started writing my own music about 4 years ago. I've recently felt a very strong sense of what my sound is, which is something I haven't been able to grasp since I began to make my own music. As I was putting the album together, it was shaping up to be a chronicle of that journey. I was also able to find a through-line sound wise so, to me, the album sounds like one long song that goes all over the map but feels whole as well. I haven't figured out what to release for singles but Love Beast, Grasshoppers, and Swear Off are strong songs. 4. Who or what were the most significant influences on your musical life and career? Well, the Dirty White album is very much influenced by albums like Beasties Check Your Head, Radiohead's O.K. Computer, Kendrick Lamar's Damn, and to some extent Zappa and P-Funk as well as Prince. There's a Purple Rain cover on the album. As a child growing up in the Massachusetts suburbs near Plymouth, I first started piano then, wanting to be John Bonham, on to the drums, but slowly realized that John Paul Jones was the spirit of Zeppelin. Those discoveries, along with all of the music of the 50s and 60s (Rock (Chuck Berry), r&b (Otis, what?!), Jazz (Monk), country, (Dolly), et al.) got me wanting to learn all instruments so I picked up keys, bass, guitar and anything else I could get my paws on, including the accordion which made its way, almost unrecognizable, on to a couple of ambient songs on the album. In the 90s I was taken over by all the music coming out from Pixies to GnR to INXS to cheesy stuff too (I'll sing Seal's Kissed By A Rose at the top of my lungs if it comes on so watch out). At the same time, my brother gave me the Zappa albums Sheik Yerbouti and Chunga's Revenge which blew my mind. Then, I heard Rage Against the Machine which lead me to Public Enemy and Tribe Called Quest and there was no getting me back once I start down that road. Today, I have really opened up to everything and anything. I'm absorbing music at an insane rate and it's awesome, there is so much good stuff out there. 5. Who are your favorite musicians? Right now I'm going back to school to get a music composition degree so I'm deeply entrenched in the classics. It's cliche, but JS Bach was insane. Insane. You listen to his stuff and you hear Metallica's One, you hear Wu-Tang busting out polyphonic layers over some harpsichord beats. It's still in everything. Other than that, I'm listening to Kendrick, TV on the Radio, Lizzo! (New album is so good), my girls turned me on to Mattiel, Nathy Peluso, Ariana Grande. I think Cardi B's tunes are pretty good, the production is great on her stuff. And sorry but I like LilNasX's song C7osure (damn you Spotify for your algorithm!). I would like to say I hate Charlie Puth, but I don't have much say to what songs get stuck in my head. I really dig MF Doom and everyone he worked with like King Ghidorah (Tic, Tic is amazing). Black Star May have an album soon so I'm mostly freaking out until that happens. Vampire Weekend's new album is good. Kevin Abstract is good. I've also been going through old tunes I liked as a teenager and seeing if they hold up - Smashing Pumpkins were so good... that C&C Music Factory, though... 6. What have been the greatest challenges/frustrations of your career so far? I think it was the point at which I was writing music and not knowing what my sound was so I was all over the place but not finding a connection between them all. I found myself asking everybody around me if something sounded good or just completely hiding it away and not showing anyone. Which was extremely frustrating, like I was ashamed of just being me. It's a much longer connection to many things throughout my life where I looked to others to approve of what I did, when they said I probably shouldn't do something that I was getting into, I made the mistake of listening all the time and not knowing the right kind of person to listen to, or most importantly, not finding my inner will. Dirty White is very much a turning point from that unsure area to the "oh, this is my voice, it was here all along" and just owning it, which is so fulfilling. Dirty White explores a great deal of having a voice taken away, whether I watch it being taken from people most susceptible to the overpowering and unequal distribution of wealth, or I watch white men, like myself, take their own voice away as they slip into their own protective skin color and economic place. This album is really my own meditation on my feeling of impotence when it came to bringing needed change to us as humans. I joke sometimes, get a white, liberal man mad enough, he'll start a podcast. I made an album. It doesn't fix everything but it feels like a start and maybe it will help someone, who knows. 7. As a musician, what is your definition of success? Getting up every day and being aware as much as I can be; aware of when I'm present, when I'm not, of what my gifts are and how I can cultivate them so they can help me and others. Awareness affects everything I do; writing music, hanging with my family, friendships, work. It puts the quality of life into whatever quantity of life I may have left. 8. What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being awake for all of it, all of what life is, whether it is joyful or unpleasant, which goes in tandem with the success question. Happiness is a very interesting term that I spend a great deal of time meditating on - how it's defined for the purposes of consumerism, which controls our lives and the hot button political topics of today; economic racism, women's control of their body, wars with oil-rich countries, etc. Maybe another album is in there. 9. What is your present state of mind? I always have musical ideas happening in my head but I have, like any other person does, a very full schedule where I'm not working on music, so that can feel hectic, but at least I feel, right? I made the intro song on Dirty White, called Crazy Diamonds, as a wake-up song for myself. Like, literally something to wake up to. It is over the top in its good feelings and positive reinforcement, which kind of prepares the listener for an album that gets into some deep, dark areas. Like doing some cardio before going into therapy, get the blood moving. I need that positivity reminder because I can get overwhelmed and just want to be cynical and binge watch Netflix. That thing where you 'just say positive things until you feel better' works for me and that's where I am right now; calmly hectic with cynical positivity. It helps to have a rhythm and keep busy at all times. This album is built around rhythm, the first song is morning or springtime and it works through the darkest part of night/winter to the very last song being the sunrise of the next day/return to spring. It may sound like it was super planned but I'm not that good, it really fell together in that way naturally. 10. What is your most treasured possession? Two gifts every day when I open my eyes. Also, I really like coffee. 11. What do you enjoy doing most? Writing music while my kids make an insane amount of noise around me. I use their sounds to make ambient beats and all kinds of craziness. When you can't have silence, make music from the noise. 12. Where would you like to be in 10 years' time? Making music and being aware. That sounds boring. How's this; living on an Elon Musk owned space station with my family and friends, floating around the earth like that Fhloston Paradise cruise ship in Fifth Element and we get free lodging because I'm part of the house band. Mos Def, relaxing from his retirement, is the band leader and a still-alive Tom Waits provides spoken word and other noises while I, like some crazy Dick Van Dyke a la Mary Poppins, supply beats and ambient sound with the Roots and Keith Richards as a backing band. Keith is in better shape than all of us and the ship is propelled by our music. That sounds better. 13. Where you @ online? Instagram - @BrokeFaceMusic Twitter - @Broke_Face SoundCloud - https://soundcloud.com/user-920314086

#music #music news

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melodiazurawska · 7 years ago

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Utah: March 2017

I've gone back and forth with what to share and how to share it here. I've done a lot of journaling, getting my thoughts, experiences, conversations, and memories recorded while they were fresh. You can look at the pictures, but there's something else I want to share about this vacation. Something more significant. It was a 3 1/2 year and 2,000 mile journey. Surprise, surprise...I have a lot to say.

What's the difference between being at peace and being past feeling? How do I know what state I'm in? I can acknowledge happiness, but I'm not bursting at the seems. Am I not truly feeling my experiences? Or is this what freedom feels like? Am I aimless? Do I not care? Am I living with my head or my heart? I don't have the answer yet. So I press on.

Content. That's the best feeling I can describe. Not excitement, not joy, although I think those are probably wrapped in that contentment.

Am I being genuine or am I putting on?

Here's what I know:

I am 100% in the right place (in Nashville & at Major Family Chiropractic) doing what Heavenly Father wants me to right now. I'm doing what I want to do. I love it. It is changing my life.

I have some amazingly powerful and eternal friendships. Where time and space don't matter. Being together feels good and normal and right. So much so that it's easy to take it for granted. And I am capable of making friends and connections at this stage of my life. It's going to be more than okay to extend my circle. I want to make myself available.

We are all going through stuff. Life is extremely hard. Yes we are immensely blessed but it's more than okay to honor the struggles. When we are open with others, mourning with them and allowing them to mourn with us, that's what it's about.

Time in this life is warped. We are eternal beings having a brief mortal experience. No wonder then that things like relationships linked with love - that we can take with us forever - aren't drastically altered by time.

I am as free as I choose to be. Forget the shoulds, forget the expectations, and forget the comparisons. I'm not the same Melody I was when I left Utah and surprisingly, I'm really grateful for that. I'm grateful the Melody of 2017 got to experience the Utah that the Melody of 2013 loved with all her being. It shaped me so much into the person I've become but there's been so much since that's continued to refine me in ways I never expected. Perspective is everything.

I will continue to step forward with faith.

Now here’s some more elaboration on all that:

My goals for this vacation were peace and closure. I was seeking to break through and get rid of some things I’ve been holding on to. That's what I wanted to get out of being back in Utah, of spending time with friends, having fun and relaxing. I do feel like I met those expectations. I know that because they were righteous desires and Heavenly Father understands my motives and loves me, He was happy to bless me with what I wanted this time. That being said, I also know that's not always the case. Righteous desires aren't always fulfilled, in our timing or ever. I'm just ever-so-grateful that God and I were one in purpose on this one.

I feel like this trip was necessary for me to fully move on with my life. It reminded me of who I was and still can be, what things contributed to being that person I was happy with.

I truly was heart-broken to leave Utah 3 1/2 years ago. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I was willing and happy to do it because I knew I was walking with the Lord. I was following the guidance given to me by the Spirit and I was stepping forward with faith. Coming back, I wasn't sure what I'd feel. The day(s) right before leaving I was still very present at work, so it wasn't until it was right on me that reality stirred up those raw emotions again I think. But then I got there. I walked out of the airport (which I had forgotten so much of) and breathed in the dry cool air. It was then memories started coming back. There's a different vibe and I was calm. As I drove out of the rental garage onto I-80 with the radio on, mountains in front of me, I was so happy to be back.

Throughout my trip, as I drove my old routes and saw old sights that were daily givens, it felt so right. It's hard to describe but it's like coming home. This was home for me. Even though at the same time, I KNEW and FELT that this isn't home anymore. As I talked with people, describing where I am and what I'm doing now, I had zero doubt in my mind that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm living my purpose right now. My life isn't dragging me along, I choose to do what I do every single day. Now, of course there are many things I need to work on, but the bigger picture is right. Of that I'm sure.

Another powerful realization I had talking to everyone was just how human we all are. Life is freaking hard for everybody, but the way it hits us is different. Joy, purpose, being in a funk, not knowing what's next, struggling to change what we know we want to, questioning ourselves, questioning God's plan, and even dealing with death. There's just so much happening all the time, all around us, to every single person.

What was so great during this trip:

I have to record the overwhelming peace and calm and joy I felt just being in Malorie’s apartment, being able to see her right there in front of me in the same room. Watching her work and focus. I’ve missed that simple companionship we have. It was similar to Jessica saying, “I can’t believe you’re really sitting in my room!”

Inconsequential conversations with Malorie as well as the ones that matter most. It was so easy saying goodnight to Malorie when it was a matter of "see you tomorrow" but not so when Tuesday night rolled around. I felt myself not wanting to leave, almost stubborn in my desire to disregard the inevitable. We sat for an hour on her bed leaning on each other, refusing to admit our time was up. Then it took another 15 minutes for me to get out the door. Even that felt impossible and I was the one that had to make the move and leave.

With Michelle and Xavier, sitting around playing games, it's as if time and space disappeared. We could be anywhere in the world. It was quality time at its finest. Also, I love baby Reya so much because I love Michelle so much.

I have to say that going to a PAW (Professional Actors Workshop) class was a majorly great choice. That was very impactful in reminding me about myself. Getting in that mindset again was awesome, but also words of affirmation from Lance were so special to hear. I have not been forgotten and I was treated as a master and a peer. I’ve forgotten to give myself credit for all that I’ve accomplished. “You grew a ton! Do you remember in Phase I you were just...(small, big eyes, looking around, I’m not really sure about this)...but by Masters you were practically running the class.” :) He was so happy and proud to have me visit and to share how PAW has helped me in my current endeavors too.

It was strange being back on campus and meeting for church in classrooms. It's a special thing I think. I treasure those experiences at least. I'm also okay that I didn't have a purpose for being on campus anymore. That part of my life has passed. I still love it but I'm also at peace with being just under 4 years removed from all that. It's a cool feeling actually.

Going for a "hike" in Rock Canyon with Malorie and the 6 year old girl she nannies. We essentially climbed the mountain with Lily fearlessly leading the way. Needless to say I was terrified for a bit as we kept going higher. It’s good to do things that scare you. And there were some really cool moments seeing her so proud of herself.

Shot a gun for the first time in my life! I was told to bring back at least one out of my norm story and going to a shooting range definitely fit the bill. It was great.

This trip I also did well talking to people. The TSA agent in Nashville who did my pat-down. Asking questions of waitresses/waiters at restaurants, for recommendations and such. The guy at the shooting range. The woman at the olive oil store. The workers at the temple. Friends of my friends. I even had a conversation with a guy at the airport while we both ate dinner.

Some memories during my trip:

Remembering what I felt like, it’s almost like I’m coming back to myself

This is where I fell in love with the temple, where I fell in love with wide open spaces

Apartments where so many memories were made and so much love lived

Baptistery where I did work for my ancestors

Provo Temple: organ music playing in chapel, sound of fountains outside, the stairs going down to the baptistery, new artwork

School where I tutored as part of stake community outreach program

Stake center where I met with my stake president about serving a mission

Neighborhood where I received my patriarchal blessing

Parking lot where we had so many ward prayers and conference breakfasts

Park where a dog forced a french kiss on me

Streets I walked an alpaca in a parade

Place where I sat with a group of friends to enjoy a 4th of July parade on Center St.

Stadium I sat outside of with friends for a Kelly Clarkson 4th of July event (Stadium of Fire)

Being on the phone with my aunt and seeing a deer as I was leaving campus one time

Naps in the science building

Naps in the JFSB

Buildings where I had incredible classroom experiences

Hill I walked up to campus on & the killer stairs

Graduated almost 4 years ago, so many more housing buildings on campus now

Experiencing the harsh bright sun, reflecting on the snow

Driving 80 mph on I-15 singing along to great music

I'm so grateful for my Utah vacation this year. It was filled with so much good. So much. I still can't get over how normal it felt. I was insanely present. And I really enjoyed not only spending time with people I care about, but also feeling so comfortable with the new people in their lives too.

I took action and God showed up in a big way. As I’m facing even bigger mountains (details about THAT to come), I know he’s still got me. Step by step.

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