#something about the way he is genuinely so fixated on reader. a bit obsessive

[prettyboykatsuki]

"You were foolish to think affection would soften how he treats you - he loves you but he handles you rationally, loves and pleasures you efficiently, pries you open like he would his own chest, and replaces his heart with you."

oh my fucking GOD oh my god. what a line. pries you open like he would his own chest oh my GOD

LOVE LIKE NO OTHER.

tags: 18+ minors dni,fem reader, missionary sex, discussion of relationships and sex, lots of kissing, handjob, fingering - let me know if i missed anything! (2.6k!) inspired by @j0succ dainsleif piece!!

synopsis: al haitham is man solemnly thought he would never find love, so when he has that and more the night turns…physical. “I would split open my heart with a knife, place you within and seal my wound, that you might dwell there and never inhibit another…”

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[tyuns-world]

✾ Growing pains ✾

Bestfriend!Kai x Fem!reader

Genre: Semi-smut

Warnings: degradation

Summary: Kai's long-standing crush on his

childhood best friend takes a steamy turn as he finds

himself wanting more than just innocent hugs.

Word count: 1,109

Second one: https://www.tumblr.com/tyuns-world/743522891684102144/growing-pains-2

Minors DNI

Kai, once just an innocent childhood friend with a crush, transformed when you both entered college. Discussions about dating and other men acted as kindling to ignite his jealousy and possessiveness. How dare you even entertain the thought of granting your heart to another, of sharing kisses, embarking on dates, exchanging longing glances, surrendering your virginity, or allowing any touch that wasn't his?

It started as an innocent crush, with stolen glances, lingering hugs, and a smile that brightened when your texts arrived. But then, Kai couldn't suppress the dirty thoughts that surged whenever you were near. Kai has known for a while that he's into more taboo things when it comes to the bed, but he never thought those thoughts would apply to you. He found himself questioning the length of your dresses, fixating on the cute bows adorning your thigh highs, desiring to prove himself superior by fucking you in front of your 'crushes'. Suddenly, your full, plump lips seemed made for something more than innocent smiles, and the thought of tying you up with the ribbon from your hair became an obsession, a desire for you never to leave him.

The breaking point came when you energetically entered his shared apartment, boasting about finally losing your virginity. Kai, in the midst of a heated Mario Kart race, paused his game, leaving his roommate Taehyun irritated by the interruption. A tangible shift occurred in Kai's demeanor. Something that went noticed by everyone but you. Kai questioned your announcement, leading to an unsettling (for him) conversation in his room.

As you sat on Kai’s well-worn gaming chair at his cluttered desk, surrounded by game controllers and a large screen, you rambled about a guy you liked. Leaving your number and planning to meet at his place, you expected Kai’s usual supportiveness. However, it vanished, replaced by a dark, strange look. Kai's incredulous reaction cast a shadow over the once-familiar surroundings. "You're excited because some guy doesn't have the decency to even take you out on a date and only wants to get in your pants?" he finally questioned, leaving you taken aback by your once-supportive friend's unexpected reaction.

"Well, if he wants me in that way, obviously it'll lead to a relationship, Kai," you retort with a hint of sass. Kai chuckles at your innocent remark. "Sure," he says, rolling his eyes, now purposefully provoking your irritation with his sarcasm. "Kai, what's this," you gesture towards him, "about?" you pout. "I just can't believe how naïve you're being right now," he adds, emphasizing his disbelief with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Naïve? What's naïve about what I just said? He's obviously attracted to me," you assert. Kai takes a long breath before responding, "Yeah, attracted to your body. He just wants to get you in his bed and nothing more." His tone is genuinely starting to irritate you, yet it oddly stirs something else in you. You've never had Kai speak down to you like this, and now you're finding it a bit hot. So, you decide to challenge him, "What if that's what I also want, hm?"

Kai smirks, pushing off the door, slowly walking towards you, now towering over your form on his chair. With a touch of sarcasm, he says, "Is being treated like a whore what you want?" His imposing presence becomes suddenly suffocating, making you feel increasingly hot and wetter by the minute. Now, you stutter, struggling to get words out as you look up at your smirking best friend.

You've always been captivated by Kai. The guy appears as if Aphrodite herself descended to craft him. His well-defined, slender nose with a slight bump, soft, slightly pouty lips, and cheerful eyes that usually hold so much care for you, now gaze at you as if you're pathetic. You always thought your little kindergarten crush on the new boy would go nowhere until you two became inseparable. You concealed your feelings for your friend from then all the way until now. It was easier to find a new boy toy to project your emotions for him onto than to tell him.

"I asked a question, Y/N." Kai leans even further forward, eliminating any space between you two, placing his hands on the desk behind the chair. Noses almost touching, breaths intertwining. His domineering presence makes you involuntarily clench your thighs slightly, and you notice Kai darting his eyes, catching the minuscule movement. The action causes your best friend to raise an eyebrow at you, not in a questioning way but more in a cocky, knowing manner. "I guess that answers my question. Is this turning you on, Y/N?" You open your mouth to protest, but you can't find the words, so you just pathetically nod, your panties growing wetter by the situation. "So, you do like being treated like a whore, hmm? You like being looked down on?" you let out a slight gasp at his words, a shock of pleasure running down your spine.

"Kai," you meant to say as a warning, but it only came out as a whine. "What, Y/N? You want me to touch you now instead of your new boy toy? Are you that easy? What a slut" He places a finger on your thigh, trailing it up slowly. Your thighs clench tighter, growing needier by the minute. Before you could answer, there's a firm knock on the door. "Beomgyu is home, and he brought dinner," Taehyun says through the door. Suddenly, Kai becomes hyper-aware of the fact that you two aren't the only people in his apartment.

Kai stands up straight, his aura shifting back to the shy, cheerful boy you know. He starts awkwardly laughing, then abruptly leaves you there in his room—your face hot, breath heavy, panties wet, and dumbfounded by the new side of your best friend you didn't know he had.

The dinner table becomes the stage for an uneasy (for you) mix of small talk and lingering glances, with an unspoken understanding that something has shifted. Kai, now back to his usual cheerful self, keeps stealing subtle glances your way. Kai’s roommates, unaware of the recent events, contribute normally to the conversation, making the situation even more surreal.

As the dinner unfolds, you find yourself caught between ordinary conversation and the lingering awareness of the unexplored tension with Kai. The constant laughter around the table seems almost out of place, considering the encounter that occurred just moments ago. The evening ends with an unspoken agreement to resume a semblance of normalcy, yet the tension and desire lingers.

[cinnamonest]

Hiii I absolutely adore your work!! You're legit my favorite fic writer, every word you put down is gospel amen 🙏 If youre still doing requests, maybe what about albedo x tall reader? I love how you write him so much, im 6ft tall myself and am fiending for yan stuff for tall girls since tall women are always written to be strong and dominant which kills me inside since im the total opposite...

Luckily he's not really insecure about it or anything, not like one of those people who gets all neurotic and has a complex. It's just. You know. He wouldn't mind getting a bit taller, is all. But if he ever starts getting too hung up over it, the feeling then loops back to feeling embarrassed over being insecure over something like that, so he tries to just ignore any feelings on it entirely.

He does handle your greater stature than himself better than some other, more insecure short boys, though. So long as you don’t bring the matter up, he won’t either. He genuinely doesn’t care about having others poke fun at him, which some of the knights he works with certainly do, given that it’s not everyday you see a guy with a girlfriend so much taller than himself, but he has very little regard for the opinions of those he doesn’t care much about and is thus largely unaffected.

He does, however, care what you think. He’s the sort of person who buries any insecurities he may have and ensures he never brings them up or makes them known, but he does worry just a bit that you wish he was taller, that it compromises the respect you have for him, or worse, that you’ll get wandering eyes… he feels sick to his stomach if he sees you talking to some tall guy, even more so than the sickness he already feels seeing you talk to anyone.

And even if you tease him about the matter, he handles that very well, albeit with a twitching to his smile that you may notice if you look carefully. He wants to give off the impression that it doesn’t bother him, even if it kinda does, just a little.

This also ends up accelerating his obsessive tendencies, the insecurity gets to him and he acts more impulsively and more recklessly than he would normally, and you’ll find that the situation between you escalates much faster to the point of captivity.

Regardless, you have no need to worry. The man does not have a submissive bone in his body… unnaturally so, even.

Like you know how, as a general rule, most men tend to lean towards dominant tendencies and aren’t really submissive per se, but are still gonna salivate and get into it if you “take charge”?

He’s not even like that. The notion of you having any sort of control or autonomy in the matter sort of… bothers him. He’s too obsessively fixated on control, and uses sex as a catharsis by which having control and seeing that control actively exerted on you brings him satisfaction and comfort and assurance, so any bit of said control being taken away gets under his skin fast.

Enthusiasm would be a pleasant surprise, sure, he likes you participating, but any time you attempt to actively control the steps and movement, or gods forbid try to push him to do or move in the way you want, he gets a little… twitchy. He’s not one to vocalize his thoughts too much, but you notice pretty much immediately, you can tell it irks him that you’re moving too much on your own, based on the firm grabs to your sides and wrists and efforts to quietly contort your body the way he wants you to, and a heavy huff of frustration when you fail to comply or try to go back to the position you were in before. It feels wrong, you should be bending and moving to the way his hands and words guide you, and failure to abide by it only strengthens the intensity of the impulse to force you under it by any means necessary.

Should you be a particularly bratty type, you can use this to your advantage by intentionally continuously breaking out of his hold or pushing back against the way he tries to push you into certain positions and outright disobeying… but that’s one of those “playing with fire” type of behaviors, and it stops being so amusing when he’s got you on your knees, held up by a fistful of hair, looming over you with an ominous, icy stare… and you may find yourself regretting your defiance, and up may be the only direction you get to look at him from now on.

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers: 1x06 Swish (Part 4)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

No pity remarks for this one, let's dig into it...

After Dinner

Prudence's singing. I'm crying. It's so hilariously bad. And I appreciate that it's actually bad. I'm tired of people singing in things trying to be 'bad' but they just sound weirdly off but still on pitch or something. No, this is truly awful singing and I love it. Everyone's reaction shots are truly amazing. I love that Colin is like - yup, not sure what I expected but this seems about right.

The cinematography of this shot! This is a masterful little moment, omg. The way Penelope is framed by the silhouettes of Colin and Marina -- and that Colin is leaning into Marina in what feels like an intimate push in. And the sadness on Penelope's face... the way she's ignoring the comedy of Prudence's singing because she's so fixated on Colin and Marina and wrestling with herself on what to do... This is an amazing shot. Visual storytelling at its finest.

Colin is telling Marina he'll be right back, but I want to know where he's going. They're in the Featherington Home, not the Bridgerton place. Does he need to use a chamber pot? Do the next two scene really happen while he needs to pee?? He clearly needs to just get out of the room for the next scene to happen and I don't think anyone ever really notices until you're doing analysis like this, because then it's like, huh, wait... why?

Doesn't really matter... We're focused on Pen and she's watching and she is nervous. She's visibly gearing herself up, making the decision on whether or not she's going to approach him and she sees her moment and takes it.

[Seriously, where was he going? He was about to head up the stairs. Also, can we discuss Portia's obsession with yellow? The Featherington's house is all yellows. Btw, in the book she likes yellow because it's a 'happy' color.]

Pen heads out after Colin, and asks if he's got a moment. His first reaction is completely -- yes, of course, (I don't need to pee that bad, I just wanted to get out of that room and away from your sister's singing, lol). No, but seriously, he calls her Pen again, and has such a note of concern in his voice. And I can't reiterate this enough -- for the time period, for the society that they're in, the ease in which this conversation starts is kind of remarkable. There are no formalities here. Just an established relationship and familiarity.

Everything about that dinner had been formal and by the book. Everyone was playing a part, downplaying their own thoughts and feelings because they are in an era where there are proper ways of doing things. But these two don't play by any of those rules. They don't need to - because the bond has been there since childhood.

Anyway... can I take a second and say how much I love how this shot is set up? I love the candles lit in the room that's between them. It almost feels like a romantic moment.

Penelope states she has a delicate matter she doesn't really want to bring up, but feels like she must.

Colin can very much sense the seriousness in Pen, and tries to ease the situation with a bit of (self-deprecating, fwiw) humor. It's no doubt that there probably have been little jokes like this before -- where Pen (and probably Eloise) have teased him about such a thing like food on his face. But he knows that's not what this really is -- he's trying to ease the situation, and make her feel okay for telling him, whatever it is. I don't think he has a clue as to what it is and it's genuinely confusing, but it's Pen, and she's clearly upset about something.

Penelope is very nervous about this confrontation. Her voice is a little shaky and she rushes through an explanation about how she hasn't had a chance to talk to him since the engagement was announced. And for a moment -- you may think Pen might spill the beans on the pregnancy. But she doesn't. She doesn't land that blow, because that'll be the most devastating thing she can do, so she's trying another approach. Something that might be a tad more palatable to swallow (and be less scandal than a pregnancy and entrapment).

Penelope tells him that Marina is in love with someone else. And at first there's a look of utter shock on his face - as his eyes flicker to the drawing room, where Marina is. Penelope continues her explanation, stating that she knows because she's seen the letters between them, and spills all the info on George Crane. And she's still so nervous as she says all of this -- talking fast, rambling a bit, she just needs to get it out. She's also apologetic, because she doesn't want him to be hurt by this info.

And while, yes, she's doing this out of her own feelings for him, she does truly care about him and his well being. She doesn't want to see him unhappy -- which will be what ultimately happens if he does marry Marina.

And here's the thing THE THING about this moment. He's so gone in his own delusions and fantasies her words aren't really landing BUT the first thing he does is sense how frantic she's being and makes it a point to calm her down. Before he talks about how he's feeling -- he makes it about her. He gives her an easy smile, TAKES HER HAND and tells her how good she is to him.

I can't get over that -- he's recognizing (even if in his mind it's friendship) that she has his best interest at heart. And appreciates that she's had the courage to tell him all of that. He doesn't outright dismiss her warning and ignore how she feels about it -- he recognizes it and makes her more comfortable, even if what she just told him could be life altering.

And, again, I have to state they went for the wide shot here, even though we don't see them holding hands, you can tell that he reaches for hand (which, again, big deal for this time period). But also we have that beautiful framing with the lights in between them. It's subtly a romantic(-esque) moment between the two of them.

And... then we get into Colin being so caught up with his own fantasy land that her words just don't matter. At first he claims it's trivial -- he's flirted countless times with other girls, and it's never been serious. There's no reason Marina couldn't have flirted with other guys. To Colin, flirting is just that -- flirting, and should never be taken that seriously.

But Pen doubles down (look, I love Colin to pieces, but she is by far the smarter one out of the two of them) and says that they're in LOVE. It's not a harmless flirtation. It's also not in the past. What she's trying to say -- but won't do it outright because she wants him to come to this conclusion on his own -- is that Marina doesn't love him.

And I mean, there's the crux of it, too. She knows what it's like to be deeply in love with Colin. She's standing right there and expressing it by trying to protect him. Marina isn't doing that at all. But for so many reasons she just can't be straight with her words. She's being as cautious as she can be, trying to help him without giving up the whole big plan or her own feelings.

And then Colin doubles down, because he really doesn't want to be wrong about this. He reiterates that Marina has agreed to marry him, not some other guy. That means something to him in a way that it might not for other people. He stated with Anthony, earlier, something that is true in his heart -- you marry for love. So in his love addled brain, the only reason Marina agreed to his proposal is because she loves him back. He almost can't comprehend anything else.

He also tells Penelope to not worry about it, he's sure of himself and of Marina. Which really is his downfall. It's not a lack of trust with Penelope at all -- he does trust that she has his best interests at heart with the information. But he is too trusting of Marina. He's now ignored his brother, his mother, and his good friend's advice, because he can't be wrong about this.

It's at this point that Marina shows up, and 'catches' Pen and Colin. They both kind of break apart -- because if anyone else caught them, it'd be almost scandalous. (Should we start taking shots for how many times they're alone together without a chaperone?) But it's Marina because she saw Colin leave, and then saw Penelope leave, and Marina is smart. She's very smart. And she's purposely interrupting because she knows Penelope is upset with her about the situation, and while Penelope claimed earlier that she wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone, the two of them have been out in the hallway a long time, and she isn't going to let anyone stand in her way of what she's trying to accomplish...

Colin, of course, brings it back to wit and charm, claiming the party is now better without Prudence's terrible singing (which now can be heard again, as a bit of levity in this heavier moment). Marina says that Portia is asking for Penelope. Is she? Possibly. But idk, she may have wondered out loud where did Penelope go, but I don't think Portia gives all that much thought to Penelope and her sneaking out of social situations.

The non-verbal things you can actually read in Penelope... it's a masterclass, really. She knows what Marina is doing. She doesn't want to leave the two of them alone together. But she can't deny a request from her mother. And, oh, does she stare Marina down in this moment. She failed in her attempt to get through to Colin, and she's running out of options...

Penelope and Colin share a final look, and she's unsure about leaving, but Colin kind of nods reassurance to her, it'll be fine. He's completely misunderstanding her, but, well, he kind of does want to be alone with Marina, so she shuffles off, frustrated.

Marina, meanwhile, has her own agenda.

As I'll probably end up saying a thousand times, Colin is a pretty empathetic soul, who really wants to help people. He thinks his worth is brought about by how much service he can provide for others. But where he trips up is that he isn't always understanding of authenticity. Because Marina is completely playing to understanding this during this scene.

Colin notes her unhappiness, and the first thing he does is apologize -- for his family not being 100% supportive of her or of them.

And here's my thing about Marina. I think here are some grains of truth buried in some of this. I do think it does hurt her that her family doesn't want her, and that the Featheringtons have been a general pain in the ass, and she seems to have lost her one ally (Penelope) during all of this. But she lays it on thick, because she knows it'll lock Colin in even more. She knows he needs to save her, and what she does need is saving. So, she's going to play it up the best she can.

The big kicker is when she says that she doesn't feel like she's accepted by his family. Because that's going to kickstart something in his brain. Now they're Romeo and Juliet. Now they're stilted lovers that are pushing against the world to make their love survive. Now it's just them in a world that doesn't want them to be.

And this TOTALLY plays on Colin's sense of romanticism. He's ready to be the romantic hero and say fuck the rest of them, you and I are family, you and I can be on our own, and start our own family, and we don't need anyone or anything else in the world.

And this is where Marina goes from half truths to deceiving him. She does say that all she wants is to be married to him, that isn't a lie, not really. But it's to save herself from her situation. Not at all out of love. She's glad that Colin is a kind soul, it'll make the marriage easier, but she has no real feelings for him. And she's manipulating his to get what she wants.

She then goes into complete lies -- claiming that she wants to be married this minute so that they could be alone and hold each other in their arms. Again, she's being calculated to play up his emotions, and that deep seeded romanticism. But it's all so that she can hurry the marriage along, and so that she can get to seducing him. Because that's an added element here. She has to get him into bed rather quickly, and if he won't until marriage, well then, they better get on that, too.

Oh man, is she playing him...

Because what does he do next? Well, what did Romeo and Juliet do? They eloped... So he and Marina could elope and they could be together away from the world and its rules and expectations and families and friends who have their doubts... He suggests running off to Scotland where (I guess?) it's possible to get married without having to do all the things necessary back in Mayfair.

I kind of wonder if she knew about the Scotland option? I wonder if it was an idea she had with George? Whether she knew or not, she was pushing him to get to this point -- to where elopement seems like not only the best but the only option they have.

And he's so excited to have thought of it. And ideas start rushing to him, and he starts spitting out how they could runaway and even though they'll get push back upon return, it'll be fine. They'll be married. What is better than that?

(Btw, I kind of love that you can see his entire thought process on his face, how he's trying to rationalize, for just a moment, as he thinks of what Anthony's reaction could be, and then his fantasies just take over again as he comes to the conclusion that any actions ending with a marriage to Marina would be the best actions.)

I really love the staging of this next beat. The more excited he gets, the closer he pulls in towards her, as if he's coming closer and closer to realizing what (he thinks) he wants. But Marina is kind of processing, and when she isn't visibly as caught up in this whirlwind as he is, he pulls away. Immediately. And apologizes. There is that kernel of doubt that is in the back of his mind -- the one that Anthony, Violet, and Penelope have put there.

Marina sense this immediately, though, and quickly pulls him back into the haze. She was just momentarily caught off guard (that this plan is working so well). She says it's exactly what she wants -- and again, she's not lying. but she's not being truthful about her own feelings, either.

And then Marina gives her biggest lie. She says she loves the idea. But then she also straight up says 'I love you'. Which is the epitome of what he wants to hear. And his mind is made up. Done. He'll put his affairs in order in the next day, and they'll be off.

Close the book on that one, it's over...

The hug at the end is interesting. We don't need to see what Colin is thinking/feeling we really know. But Marina's reaction is not one of love or ecstasy. It's one of relief.

Everything is coming together, just how she wants it, even at the expense of Colin and his feelings. The thing I find the most interesting is that Marina is a very calculated person. Everything she does in this scene is very carefully done so she can get Colin to the place she wants. But there's one variable she can't control and won't ever see coming... Lady Whistledown.

But more on that in the next one ;)

[chibimui]

The Apothecary Diaries LN2 Thoughts - Ch13-15

Volume 2: Prologue-ch5 - ch6-7 - ch8-9 - ch10-12

My re-read continues with my thoughts on Ch13-15 which are pretty exposition heavy chapters. We learn a lot about specific characters, and we also get very in-depth descriptions of other characters from 3rd parties that help to influence the readers perception of them.

They're not the longest or the most plot-heavy chapters, but definitely very important for character and world building.

(Warning: These thoughts may contain spoilers from later light novels all the way up until LN15.)

Chapter 13 - Thornapple

Allow me to have a moment to squee at Maomao waking up in Jinshi's bed. Twelve novels. It took twelve novels for these two dumb dumbs to get together and this is something that happens in volume two. Hngggggg. Look, it's just really sweet okay?

Anyway. On to other topics, like this:

Again, I feel so bad for Suirei. She's just following orders, knowing that at the end of it all, she's going to be dead at some point. And not fake-dead, dead-dead.

The thing I want to focus more on though is the fixation Maomao has with the idea Suirei implanted in Maomao's mind - medicine to revive the dead. Maomao is frequently presented as a bit of a "mad scientist" and so it makes sense she'd become somewhat obsessed with this idea of a medicine that can revive the dead, but I also feel like this fixation highlights how young Maomao still is at this point in the series.

As the series progresses, and as Maomao matures and begins learning more seriously about medicine, we move away from the more fantastical "medicine that can revive the dead" to Maomao actually learning the science behind anesthetics. Putting someone under general anesthesia really must have seemed like magic back then. How can you put someone to sleep so deeply you can cut them open, but also have them wake up as if nothing was wrong? It might not be the same as "medicine that can revive the dead", but it's pretty damn close and I love that she gets there one day.

But also low-key love how Maomao apparently managed to learn the basics of a Western language through sheer determination. I say this as someone who is Asian with English as my first language, but I genuinely believe if I actually grew up in Asia I would not be able to pick up English at all. I do not understand European languages at all - learning French was a nightmare and I lived in a bilingual French/English-speaking city for three years!

Jinshi being slightly sassy in this moment is also so funny. It comes so far out of left field if you think about the perfect eunuch Jinshi, and here he is just calling Maomao out in what I imagine to be the most dry, exasperated tone. Natsu-sensei is so good at adding in these funny one-liners from characters sometimes and it's always so funny. It's the type of humor I enjoy a lot.

Chapter 14 - Gaoshun

This is another big info-dumping chapters where we, as the readers, get the ultimate confirmation that Jinshi and Gaoshun are not eunuchs, and even more evidence that JInshi actually has another identity.

Jinshi has been at the rear palace since he was fourteen.

That is wild. You also couple that with the realization that Jinshi has been an object of sexual interest constantly throughout his time there and it's genuinely really disturbing. You hear a lot about women who are "early bloomers" and the terrible experiences they have, and Jinshi has basically experienced the equivalent of that. It's easy to be critical of some of the things Jinshi does to Maomao in the next few novels, but it's kind of genuinely all he knows and he may have also been told that it's okay to do those things as a man.

We also get our first instance of Gaoshun lore drop, which makes sense given this chapter is actually titled Gaoshun.

Married at 16, to a woman who we later learn is many years his senior (I think 8? 10?). Pops out three kids. Gaoshun was busy. Genuinely though, I love the Ma family. I also love how even in a character like Gaoshun we see different ways a character can be multi-faceted. He's a hyper-competent assistant, but is also a total softie dad who cows down in the face of his own daughter, and I love how this story manages to portray this in a way that doesn't take away from Gaoshun's strength or masculinity. If anything, it just makes us think that his wife and daughter are absolutely terrifying forces to be reckoned with (and that is completely true).

This is one of the things I truly admire about Natsu-sensei's character writing. I feel like sometimes when other stories try to write "multi-faceted" characters what they're really doing is juxtaposing two sides, but ultimately we're supposed to only see one side as the "true side" - like the idea of a "strong man" who we learn is ruled over by his wife and we're suddenly now meant to see him as "weak" and "emasculated" because omgggg his wife is the one who makes all the rules lololol, but this isn't the case with Gaoshun at all even once his wife is properly introduced.

I do find it kind of funny though that in this chapter Jinshi actually asks Gaoshun which of his sons had a kid. Because, well. Jinshi. You know Basen. You really think that Basen popped out a kid? Hah. (Ultimately I think this is probably just an issue with clunky translation because in the anime it's pretty clear Jinshi is just politely clarifying that's it's the elder son, rather than actually asking which son, but still, it's amusing to think Jinshi might have genuinely not known).

And ending off my thoughts for this chapter with another observation that Maomao actually sucks at hiding her emotions! She's actually so happy to be going back to working under Lady Gyokuyou, it's kind of cute.

Chapter 15 - Rear Palace Redux

And now we're back at the rear palace because Lady Gyokuyou is pregnant and Jinshi very graciously lends her back to the lady for her safety and care. He will later come to regret his choice in future novels because Lady Gyokuyou knows not to give up a good ally when she has one, but that is for another time to laugh at.

This chapter also drops some interesting observations that Maomao has about the Emperor. Maomao's thoughts about the Emperor are always very amusing given how blunt she is, but it's clear she doesn't dislike him. Ultimately she sees him in a positive light as a ruler, even if her view of him does generally boil down to "sex-crazed old man"--the funny thing is he isn't even that old? He's younger than Gaoshun, but I guess back then your mid-30s is "old". It's also hilarious that she basically becomes the Palace Porn Purveyor. Maomao is learning way too much about her future father-in-law's sex life (actually on that note Jinshi also probably knows too much about his father's sex life.........)

(On a side note, it's been interesting to see anime reactors vehemently hate on the Emperor for very little--basically just that he has concubines. Meanwhile, for me, after he asked Maomao to save Lihua, I had a generally pretty positive impression of the Emperor. I know a bad Chinese Emperor when I see one and it generally starts with them literally not giving a fuck about anyone and anything because they are ~the son of Heaven~. Anyway, I just found the difference in ... I guess cultural context??? interesting).

The remainder of the chapter is Lady Gyokuyou's lady-in-waiting's gossiping about Loulan and Ah-Duo. I didn't highlight anything but I do really like how we get so much outside perspective of Loulan. Again, it plays into Natsu-sensei's general pattern of giving readers one perspective, and then pulling the rug out from under our feet once we actually get to meet the character directly. Currently, Maomao seems very neutral on Consort Loulan, but as readers we certainly are not getting a positive impression of her at all.

I will wrap up my thoughts with this illuminating moment:

No need to be so defensive Yinghua. I think we all get it. We are all Team Ah-Duo.

Until next time!

[ch16-17]

[fox-wisp]

Pretty Little Trophy

⊳⊳⊳ MINORS DNI. 18+ ⊲⊲⊲

⊳ Hajime Kokonoi x afab!reader

⊳ summary: it was the the way you chose him that made him want to choose you

⊳ word count: 2.7k

⊳ content warning: reader is a stripper. oral (f → m). cum swallowing. public foreplay. vaginal fingering. slight daddy kink mentions from koko. reader is obsessed with koko highkey. 

⊳⊳⊳ this is my first fic being posted on here. feedback is welcomed. Go easy on me. idk how i actually ended up with a koko short lil sumn sumn before anyone else but here we are.

not beta read

p.s if someone wanna teach me how to use tumblr that'd be greatly appreciated lolol ⊲⊲⊲

--------------

There weren’t many things in this world that could make a frugal man like Hajime Kokonoi spend his money without limit. Yet somehow he found himself in front of this strip club thrice a week ready to spend any amount to have even just a few moments with you.

You were the number one girl there. Almost everyone that frequented this club wanted you, yet for some reason you always found your pert ass hovered over Koko’s hardening cock as he kept one grip loosely on your hip and the other adjusting his ever tightening pants. He wasn’t quite sure just why you picked him, either. Sure, he was one of the top executives in Bonten and the way he dressed screamed of his wealth but Kokonoi never spent more than the politically appropriate amount when he was forced to come to this club for any meetings. There were plenty of members that spent twice if not three times as much as he did on a regular basis.

Yet that didn’t seem to deter you at all. It was as if the moment you set your eyes on him you became so hyper fixated on pleasing him. On making him yours. It didn’t matter if Koko was in the middle of a meeting, a cigar lit while his eyes drifted from documents he had no interest in, letting the loud sounds of his comrades fade into the back. Just when he was comfortable, a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders and he heard the unmistakable mellifluous lilt that was your voice. “Hajimeee~ I missed you baby,” You were never afraid to use his first name, something that had an effect on Koko that he refused to admit to you, lest he be forced to see that victorious glitter in your mischievous gaze. Your breath on the shell of his ear made him shiver the slightest bit. It didn’t go unnoticed by you, and your grip tightened on him just that much more. 

Despite your profession and the people you’ve come to associate yourself with, you were a good girl – at least, that’s what Koko had gathered in those moments where you sat on his lap like the pretty little trophy you were, sipping your drink and fiddling with the buttons on his shirt coyly. Life had done what it does best and fucked you out of a fair future, and before you knew it you found yourself half dressed, pleasing the eyes of those around you for a living. You took care of your family with that money, and you were even putting some away for the future of the little ones in your life. 

That alone made him bite his bottom lip as he appraised you as if it were the first time he’d ever seen you before. He leaned forward just enough to talk over the music, lips mere inches away from yours while his fingers traced imaginary designs into your upper thigh before letting the palm of his hand rest comfortably on your hip. “Looks like m’baby isn’t just a pretty face, hm?” He couldn’t stop his bemused expression at the way you simply preen under his words of praise and his soft, encouraging yet provocative touches. You looked like there was nowhere you’d rather be than there on his lap like the obedient girl you were. Koko’s chuckle was genuine as he brushed his dual colored bangs out of his vision before leaning down and claiming your lips as his.

He’d known for a while now just how you felt about him. In the beginning, he was thrown off, maybe even a bit amused that someone of your caliber would want anything to do with him. Usually girls like you only wanted anything to do with the men with loose pockets. Time progressed, though, and suddenly the idea of Hajime Kokonoi claiming you as his own became less of something improbable and more of something inevitable. Your body did something to him that no other woman had ever been able to do. You lured him in like a temptress despite your sincerity. It made him act in ways he would usually rebuke, but something about you brought out the most obscene sides of him. A part of him cursed the need he felt to respect you, wanting nothing more than to slip your panties to the side and let you slide down onto his cock, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips while he encouraged you to not stop riding him despite their audience, to stay professional while you were split open on his cock in front of all these people. He was sure you would do it for him too no matter how embarrassing it would be for you. Koko had the feeling that you would do just about anything for him if he asked you.

Instead, he settled for what he could get. He threw money into the air around you, saving his larger bills to slide into the slips of your bra, watching in satisfaction when you’d throw your head back and moan the slightest bit when his calloused fingers brushed against your sensitive nipples, his sharp gaze commiting your face of pleasure to memory while his tongue swiped across his lower lip looking very much like a hungry predator eyeing his prey. 

Somehow you’d become the one person in this world that Koko was rather generous with. You easily came home with at least ten thousand dollars after a night of spending time in his company. The part that made it so fun for Koko was that you didn’t even care about the money. You were so fucking hungry for him, eyeing him with those ‘fuck me’ eyes, doing anything and everything in your power to be within his space. You didn’t let other women near him, always invading his space like it was your own. In return, you catered to everything he needed: refilling his drinks, loosening his tie when he was visibly irritated by his ‘friends’, dumping his ashtray after hours of smoking in their group – the boys were starting to get jealous by the obvious preferential treatment. 

After a while, he noticed that unless you were giving a public show, the only man you’d ever personally interact with in the club was Koko himself. When approached by others, you would scrunch your nose up the slightest bit, but give a placating smile as you directed him to another girl that had no qualms taking care of him for the night. It was the way that you looked up across the room at him with eyes that screamed for praise that turned him on so much he had you on your knees while he fucked into your mouth. “Such a good fucking girl – take my cock in your throat juuust like that baby – f-fuck, so fucking good for me and only me.” 

The way you hollowed out your cheeks and looked up at him like he was your whole fucking world and that just spurred him on to thrust even rougher into your warm cavern. “Gonna let everyone know you’re my pretty lil’slut, so fucking perfect fer me  – mm almost there baby, take it, take all of daddy’s cum like a good girl.”  He couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth as he gripped your hair and shot ribbons of thick cum into your mouth, his hips stuttering as you continued milking him despite his sensitivity.

He’d never cum so fast in his life. A part of him wanted to be embarrassed until he saw the look of triumph plain as day on your face as you opened your mouth wide and stuck out your tongue. You were proudly presenting the fact that you’d swallowed all of his load. A defeated groan escaped his lips as he yanked you up into his embrace, his hands gentle as they traversed the swells of your body as he came down from his mind numbing orgasm. “So. Fucking. Perfect.” He mumbled into your shoulder and he left soft kisses, while his hands started to travel lower to slide his fingers into your folds, to pleasure you the same way you’d pleasured him.

So imagine his surprise when you stopped him. Koko’s eyes were quizzical, and your giggle didn’t abade any of his confusion. He watched curiously as you slid a finger down his chest and leaned against him. “Today is just for you,” It amazed him how your very same lips that devoured his cock not even five minutes ago were puckered so cutely into a pout as you refused his advances. He couldn’t help the dumb ‘huh’ that escaped his lips, and your eyes rolled skyward as if he was the one that wasn’t making any sense. “I,” You started, pointing to yourself. “Just wanted to suck your cock.”

He couldn’t help himself. “Why?”

This time, you looked at him as if he was stupid, and for once Koko felt like he had asked a stupid question. It didn’t even bother him when you walked out of the bathroom, apparently not deeming his question worthy of a response. Not that he could blame you. You weren’t the type of woman that had to confess your feelings. Any man with a pulse would be able to feel it from the way you walked, talked and responded to them. A sigh escaped your lips as you ran your hand through your hair, frustrated despite such great events earlier before. He just couldn’t get over the feeling that he’d fucked up somewhere. 

Despite that small hiccup, the next time you saw him you acted as if that conversation had never happened, much to his relief. In fact you upped your game up even more. You always listened to the things he said, no matter how offhanded they were. Your attire had changed into a majority of the types of things he loved seeing you wear – you must’ve taken really good notes on his preferences. The perfumes you used were the ones he complimented. You only wore the jewelry he gifted you despite receiving so many from other wealthy suitors. How could he not want to spoil someone like you? You were such a good girl for him and he didn’t even have to ask once much less twice. 

Large, pretty rings adorned your fingers with bracelets and anklets accentuating your features even more. He’s gotten you earrings, a car, anything he could to keep a smile on your face. Your clothing was always designer, your sunglasses the same. It was evident that being favored by Hajime Kokonoi was a life changing experience. You never had to ask for a thing, your family was taken care of and you were able to wake up at ease. It just made her even more infatuated with him. Of her own violation she bought a necklace, a cheap little thing, with the name Hajime splayed proudly in golden letters. The imagine itself of you sitting cutely on his lap with his name above your pretty tits like a brand made him harder than fucking granite.

In fact, that night confirmed that Koko liked you so much because he didn’t have to ask you to be his, he didn’t have to ask you to act a certain way to appease him or his lifestyle. You’re 100% his girl all of your own violation with no title even needed and that in itself was so fucking sexy he just couldn’t give you up. 

He’d planned for tonight to be like any other night that he graced the club with his presence, but the minute you found yourself in his arms he felt off kilter. Maybe it was the way the strobe lights bounced off your skin, making you glow. Maybe it was because he’d stopped fucking other women not too long ago; he figured after he’d moaned your name the last time he was up to the hilt inside of another woman’s cunt that perhaps it was no longer a good idea and that just maybe he should focus on his relationship with you.

Relationship…

Was that what he wanted with you? Since Akane, Kokonoi had never found the time to explore his feelings with other women and he certainly didn’t hold the same feelings for you the way he did for her. Hajime Kokonoi wanted to own you inside and out. He wanted his name to be the only one that fell out of that pretty little mouth of yours. He wanted you to stay by his side like his prettiest possession, his most valuable prize for being a money-making mastermind for over a decade. 

It was nights like these that confirmed it; there was no way he’d trade places with any other man. Not when you were grinding against him so fucking good, his hand gently caressing your thinly covered pussy, his grin was absolutely diabolical as he watched you please yourself by grinding against him just that much harder. Playing into his devilish mood, he let his fingers slip past your panties and explore your delicious pussy. It felt so good to the touch.You didn’t stop your grinding motions despite your heavier breathing, but you didn’t expect for him to curl his finger the slightest bit, entering your pussy as if he had exclusive rights to the mound between your legs. You wasted no time riding his fingers, your hands idly caressing your body until you were teasing your own nipples.

“Fuck,” Koko breathed out as he removed his soaking fingers and retuned to siding them through your folds. A slight flick of his middle finger when he was right under your clit was enough to make your legs give out and you straddled him; your arms wrapped around his neck while frotted against his encased erection, whimpering as you placed feather like kisses along his collarbone and up his neck until you reached his ear. “Why won’t you make me yours already?” Your usual willowy tone had been reduced to nothing but a pitiful whine. 

He couldn’t help his breathless chuckle and ignored your fists the beat against his chest indignantly in turn for reaching into his pocket and using his free hand to set a bit of space between you, opting to keep you on his lap – even going as far to buck your hips and grin slyly as the way you gasped in pleasure before glaring his way. That glare quickly dissipated, though, when Koko revealed just what he had to present to her. 

It was a necklace, but this one was a bit different from the one you’d bought for yourself. It was still long enough to teasingly sit on top of your breasts, but the chain itself was thicker, with diamonds encrusting it. Hajime Kokonoi was written on this necklace, and it was completely covered in different colored yet smartly placed diamonds. “I don’t care if you work here,” Koko began, confident in you and your loyalty. “But you can’t take this off if you do.” His grin was teasing as he held up the necklace. You tried to reach for it, but he teasingly pulled it back before assessing you for a minute. “This is heavy,” he wasn’t referring to the necklace. “Do you think you can handle it?��� 

Your smile was the only thing he needed for confirmation. He slipped the necklace around your neck and kissed you deeply. “You’re stuck now, Doll. Now go get fuckin’ changed so I can take you home..” The quick smack on your ass cheek was all the encouragement you needed to comply with your new man’s wishes.

[lowkeyrobin]

Hello! Could I please get a cricket crew (those who are okay with x reader Ofc) with a reader who’s really sad and just struggling mentally, and they end up comforting the reader? :)

yes of course!! tbh this is me atm lol (lh), thanks for the request!! hope you enjoy

HANDSOME BROS ; mental baggage

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, & badlinu

warnings ; language, talk about mental health and self harm

masterlist

[ here's a song I'm obsessed with atm that I listened to while making this ]

TOMMYINNIT

he sees right through you but he doesn't know how to bring it up

you end up having to like spam call him out of fear you might hurt yourself so he has the confirmation at least that he wasn't overthinking it

after that, he's a bit over the top with making sure you're okay and stuff but he genuinely cares and backs off if you need him too

he's wide open for hugs if you need them

he's not a perfect talker but he knows how to make you smile and he knows that he's built trust with you, and he'll spend hours just trying to get you to understand how much he loves you and that he'll always be here for you

he understands that you know he loves you, and you aren't gonna get better with that, but he knows deep down it helps you just a tiny bit to know that he cares and he'll spend an uncountable amount of hours telling you all that

he strikes me as a words of affirmation & quality time guy, so just enjoying your presence while you do things and loving you from far away is usual

like if you're just chilling in silence he'll occasionally look up at you to make sure you're alright

"You look great today, y/n/n, is that a new shirt?"

"are you djo? cause I'd love to listen to you- wait, no-"

"I need more cringey pickup lines, hold on.."

once he sees you obviously happier and healing, he just explodes like a firework

he's just happy cause you're even the slightest bit happier, he understands the lack of motivation and the deep bits and seeing you rise out of them is so inspiring to him

RANBOO

you're the one who instantly brought it up, you felt yourself sinking and knew you couldn't drown too far because you were worried you couldn't be helped this time

instantly just like hugs you and talks it out with you

he understands that your struggling and recommends taking a break and spending time on yourself and maybe talking to a therapist if you're comfortable with doing that, even offers to go with you

you do end up finding a therapist who can listen to you and try to help on top of ranboo

"Hey, have you eaten today? if not I'll order you some takeout"

"Oh my God, are those new pants? they look great on you!"

they found a glow squid plush at the store and immediately bought it for you, it had little glow in the dark bits on it as well. they smiled so wide seeing the way you smiled at them

frequently asks if they can do anything for you or if you need anything from them

they show you some new music to maybe get hooked on to maybe fixate you on something if you're lacking a fixation and feel a little lonely in your mind

they give me gift giving & words of affirmation vibes so

always making sure you're okay in a new/populated environment and will totally get you out if you need to leave

your feelings are his top priority

he's always open for you to talk to him, he encourages it even if you don't wanna talk about it in therapy

they're extremely supportive, and seeing you slowly come out of the hole you were sinking into makes them so proud

"dude, you're unbeatable, you're so strong and brave, and I'm so proud of you, kay?"

FREDDIE BADLINU

you try to mask up your sadness around him for a while, hoping itd go away and you'd be fine again

he came over to your place with your favorite takeout as a surprise, and found you trying to wipe away and hide your tears at your desk

"Oh, lovely, what's wrong?"

gives you the biggest, warmest hug while you rant and open up about your feelings to him

obviously, as much as he tries to help and as much as he'd like to, he can't make your problems vanish

he doesn't wanna overwhelm you so he doesn't pressure you to do anything and always asks if you're comfortable in an environment, and if you'd be okay in said environment

constantly asking if you need anything from him or if he can do anything for you

through the day/when he wakes up/before you go to bed, he sends you messages about how much he loves you and how much he appreciates you in his life

"Don't compare yourself to people you don't know, I like you more"

"If you ever feel like you might hurt yourself, just call me, okay? I'll be here for you in an instant, alright?"

runs you a warm bath anytime you complain of a minor headache or a migraine

over time, he notices your wardrobe go from dull and plain to colorful and creative again

literally so happy that he sees that you're feeling even just a little bit better

he's very mature when you need to talk to him about things and if you need help, he's not judging

he loves cooking you dinner, even if he isn't really a professional chef

he strikes me as an acts of service & gift giving type of guy so I think that explains that

[threepointseven]

Could you please do Venti, Scaramouche, and Kaeya with an s/o that has ADHD? Listening to their s/o ramble about any hyperfixations they have, helping them out when they're having a bad day, just pure fluffy supportive partner content. :)

You Have ADHD

Type- HC’s 🌷

Flowers included!🌼= venti x gn! Reader, scaramouche x gn! Reader, kaeya x gn! Reader

Note🍀=IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AAAA ! FORGIVE ME PLSSS/// i really liked writing this though since i also have adhd! Hope u enjoy😋

Genshin masterlist

💐Your bouquet has been delivered <3💐

Venti

- He completely gets it. He’s dealt with smth similar to adhd before so he completely gets the sudden spikes of energy, the 24/7 fidgeting, the being obsessed with 1 thing for like a month and then moving onto another thing to be obsessed with

- Yeah he gets it. When you first started dating he had already noticed those little quirks of yours, so when you confessed to him you did in fact have adhd he wasnt all that surprised

- he loves listening to your obsessions and you rambling about a trinket you got or a weird collection you have in your room

- He welcomes it all!! Whenever you get nervous he makes sure to try and calm you down and gives you something to distract yourself with, he lets you play with his hands his fingers, really anything to keep you calm and steady.

- He actually has sudden spikes of energy as well so yall are twins rlly-

- Whenever you have a sudden rise in energy he also has one too its like???

“Venti… venti!! Are you sleepy?? Cause im not!”

“Im not sleepy either?! What should we do??”

Scaramouche

- HE IS SO MEAN ABOUT IT AT FIRST☹️ LIKE HE DOESNT KNOW ITS ADHD AND HE THINKS UR JUST SUPER IDIOTIC AT FIRST AN JUST NATURALLY A PAIN IN THE ASS 🤕🤕🤕

- He used to make fun of you-

- Childe is the one who has to tell him that he’s being a jerk and that its cause you have adhd 💀 FEELS VERY BAD AFTER.

- Instead of a sorry you get his undying support 😍 (indirect support hes too much of a drag to be a normal supportive boyf🙄)

- Despite his cold expression he listens to your random ass rambles all the way through. Making sure he remembers every single detail about it, be it a new hobby or your collection of weird trinkets

- He sees you get so panicky sometimes and you tend to go to the restroom to try and calm down so he discreetly puts things he knows will calm you down on your office table. Like a thing to play with to distract yourself or something to bite on that isnt your nails-

- during the moments when your depressed he cant comfort anyone that much but he tries his best for you. His skinship is a huge leap more than before and you notice how soft and gentle his voice is.

- Your sudden energy spikes annoys him a bunch but he tries his best not to burn the whole house down when you suddenly start movinf around on the bed because you cant sleep <3

Kaeya

- Doesnt understand it at first but pretends he does 💕💕

- During breaks he adores listening to your chatter with a smile on his face, he tends to ask questions too to prove he’s actually listening

- When you tell him you take meds for it he becomes completely responsible for reminding you to take them and keeping them. He’s worried you might forget and he knows that its a serious thing.

- If genuinely don’t want to take your meds he’ll ask you if your sure, if you say yes you’ll just stop taking meds😍

- He thinks its kinda adorable how you start hyper fixating on something random for over an hour than get distracted and forget what you were talking about-

- He tries to be as helpful as he can during his freetime. Buying you things to fidget with for when your nervous, helping you remember stuff, calming you down, really anything!

- during days where your incredibly depressed he drops everything for the sake of taking care of you. He’ll be extra flirty to try and cheer you up and he’ll get you sweets to chomp on when your crying

- It bugs him a bit when your suddenly super hyper in the middle of the night but he tries his best to cuddle you back to sleep when he’s literally barely awake

[arminsleftnut]

hi!! i’m so excited to see a blog that writes for death note, it’s become a recent hyperfixation of mine and i can’t find any good fics!!! 💗💗💗💗

could you provide some nsfw content for L? any is fine really, hc’s or a full drabble if you’d like!! i’m desperate for L content lol 💗💗

YES oh my god of course 💗💗 deathnote is one of mine too (i rewatch it like once a week) n L is my major comfort character. i did a kinda cross between a drabble and headcanons for this! I hope it’s what you were looking for <333

CONTENT WARNING: smut (MDNI, 18+), female-bodied reader (gender-neutral pronouns), fingering, begging, mild pain kink, overstimulation, L being .. himself and also mildly obsessive, voyeurism (read: L is a creep misa was right), slightest bit of dubcon if you squint, masturbation, pillow humping, dom!L and yes i will die on this hill, sub!reader, L is actually a little mean in this one, dacryphilia, thigh slapping, fluff at the end if you squint, let me know if i need to add more!

i.

being physically intimate with L was something you never really considered when you first got together. you weren’t even sure sex was something that was on his radar; he had so many other things to think about, and physical pleasure seemed like something he didn’t pay any mind to.

and you were right— for the most part. it’s not something L ever stops to consider. it’s not that he’s necessarily disinterested, it’s just never been a priority. he usually just takes care of himself when the urge arises.

with you here, though, it’s different. he’s not alone anymore, and your own desires are something he assumes he needs to factor in, and as many times as you assure him that it’s completely okay if he doesn’t want to have sex, that you can take care of it yourself and it’s a nonissue, he’s still . . . curious.

he’s seen you before on the monitors; those times late at night when everyone else has gone to bed and you forget there’s cameras everywhere, that he can see everything you do. he watches you as you’re spread out on the shared bed he rarely sleeps in, slipping your fingers in and out of your little cunt, your mewls and soft whines carrying through the speakers and shooting straight to his cock. he wonders if it’s wrong to watch you like this, but even as he ponders if misa amane was correct, that he is a pervert, he still doesn’t tear his gaze away from the screen. there is the possibility you hadn’t forgotten about the cameras at all. perhaps you wanted him to see.

he doesn’t say anything, less to save you any possible embarrassment and more because he’s found that a subject is least genuine when they know they’re being observed. it’s human nature, he knows, to alter yourself beneath the lens of others, to hide, and he doesn’t want that. this is a side of you he hadn’t considered might exist— an obvious oversight, and one he aims to correct.

that was how L always was. he loves you, yes, you can say that confidently. but as quiet and soft-handed a man as he is, his love is not simple, nor is it gentle. like him, it’s invasive and relentless. it’s not uncommon for you to feel somewhat neglected, or that perhaps he forgets about you altogether, but he never does. in fact, it’s quite the opposite. you are just as much a fixation, a complex puzzle to be torn apart and examined as any case, and rarely does a minute go by in which he doesn’t think of you. it’s perhaps not as romantic as you might like, with his owlish gaze pinned on you whether through a monitor or when you’re sitting next to him, picking apart every detail, but you can’t say he doesn’t pay attention to you. sometimes, you think he pays too much.

when he finally touches you, it’s no different.

he watched for weeks before he broached the idea. the hours you spent trying to satisfy yourself, with your hand between your legs or rutting desperately against a pillow— yet you never seemed truly satisfied. it was obvious in your expression, face screwed up cutely in obvious distress, frustrated tears welling in your eyes and streaking prettily down your flushed cheeks. you could only ever take two of your own fingers, he noticed; you’d tried more a few times, seeming to find your own two small ones dissatisfactory, but you could never quite make it, leaving you in a painful limbo that always has you in a particularly sour mood the next time he speaks with you.

the more he watched, the more he realized how truly unsatisfied you were. one night, you spent thirty minutes rocking against your pillow, and despite the wetness that darkened your pretty panties, you eventually gave up, tossing the ruined pillow away from you with a small, frustrated shriek. he wondered why; and more still, why he suddenly found his own hand unsatisfying, and why he could only curve his own thoughts with ones of you on the monitor, spread out prettily.

it was horribly distracting, really. and with anything else, L had to make sense of it.

in the end, he ends up with more questions than answers.

it’s not his fault, really. it’s yours. you’re so fascinating to study, and so eager to let him learn. you’d been so utterly pliant as he pried your thighs apart, stuttering out reassurances that he didn’t have to do this, asking over and over if he was sure. he doesn’t bother to tell you that this wasn’t for you— he wouldn’t be able to think properly until he’d gotten his answers.

there’s none of the awkward hesitation you might’ve expected, no unsure fumbling of hands or knocking teeth. no, L is sure of this as he is anything else he studies, tearing it apart as he sees fit until he’s satisfied with the conclusion. you’re no different, and he’s just as relentless as he always is.

there’s a certain desperate edge to it when he touches you, like he’s trying to tear everything from you by force. he watches you squirm beneath him, mewling and pleading incoherently as the walls of your pretty cunt spasm around his fingers for what feels like the thousandth time (it would seem you can, in fact, take three), and the only thing he can think of is how many more you’ll be able to give him. surely this isn’t your breaking point? no, he knows better, that can’t possibly be it. you can take more, and he tells you so, deafened to your mindless babbling and choked sobs as you try to push him away.

it’s strange that you do that. you get so upset when he actually does pull away:

he has to pin your hands down eventually; clawing at him the way you are is only a hindrance, and it reduces his overall effectiveness significantly. fortunately, you seem to learn quickly, responding especially well to a sharp slap to your inner thigh. (he isn’t sure if it’s a carrot or a stick, given the way you clench around his fingers when he does it. regardless, it works, so he does it again).

it really only occurs to him to stop when your body seizes again, this time falling entirely limp, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. he might’ve worried, but your eyes flutter open only a few seconds later, and it’s then that he considers that you might be rather exhausted.

“are you alright?” his voice is quiet, hoarser than normal, and uncharacteristically gentle. he cocks his head at you, the puppy-like gesture such a stark contrast to the delightful hell he was inflicting on you only moments before that you can’t help but giggle tiredly.

at your assurance that you aren’t on the verge of collapse, not anymore at least, he takes time to clean you up, his touch feather-light and familiar in its softness. he lets you cling to him, winding his awkwardly long body around you in a sort of cradle, tucking your head beneath his chin.

he counts the minutes until you fall asleep, measuring your breaths against his own. as much as he enjoys tearing you apart to see what’s inside, there’s a strange satisfaction in putting you back together again.

this is my first published smut i apologize in advance.

[legoshi-plz]

WAIT WHAT ABOUT A CHUBBY S/O WITH NSFW FOR THE G A N G ??? -🐙anon

A/N: Alright alright alright! Now that’s a big-brained prompt right there! I kept it shorter this time and with less characters because doing the usually lineup was taking way too long

Warning: NSFW. Also this is written for Fat/Plus-Sized! Readers. It was intentionally specific in that way. Please no Fatphobia, if you don’t resonate with that then this might not be for you. Reader is also Gender-Neutral.

//////////

Louis:

- So scrawny yet has the most confidence out of anybody.

- Sees having a heavier S/O as a testament of his own prowess.

- “You’re not too heavy, I can handle it. Just trust me, beautiful.”

- Always pushing the limits when it comes to throwing you around and picking you up. You’re always scared he’s going to drop you but he never does.

- Exclusively prefers chubby partners. They just feel right for him, feel softer, feel better, especially during sex.

- Speaking of sex, Louis always has to top, please don’t try to persuade him otherwise. It’s really important to him to prove to you that he’s capable of fucking you out good and proper despite being on the skinner side.

- Please be loud and tell him what a good job he’s doing, it strokes his ego so much.

Legoshi:

- He’s actually not picky about what body type his partner has. Legoshi usually falls for personality first and will love any body that that personality comes in.

- Or at least that’s what he likes to think, until he gets a taste of life of the fluffier side.

- Has a hard time keeping his hands off you, your body just turns him on so much. He even feels pretty guilty about it because the last thing he wants to do is annoy you but one look at your thighs and he’s on you in an instant.

- He’s very gentle with you. You’re just so soft and so delicate, he couldn’t stand if he hurt you. Fucks you nice and slow, making sure you’re well adjusted to his size before he picks up the pace.

- Could go down on you for hours and has. Can’t get enough of your taste, it’s almost hypnotizing to him. Makes you cum with his mouth again and again until you’re literally begging him for a break.

- Legoshi is also a hopeless romantic. Very common for him to go off on poetic tangents about how much he loves your body. Incorporates body worship often during sex but also outside the bedroom as well.

Gouhin:

- Gouhin is a panda so chubby, bigger bodies are the norm for his kind. Despite him being a muscular outlier, he’s still almost exclusively attracted animals with more fat.

- Likes his partners HEAVY, says he just can’t feel anything with a skinny partner. Very open and proud about his preference.

- Craves how warm you are and is constantly sticking his hands up your shirt, down your pants, in between your thighs, etc. to warm them up. Just likes to always be touching you somehow.

- Also loves for you to sit on his lap, even for mundane things. As far as he’s concerned, his lap is your permanent seat and even has you sit on his lap in public. If at a gathering with friends, they know better than to offer you your own seat because they already know Gouhin’s not having that.

- Since he’s so muscular, he’s not afraid to do all the work in bed. He actually perfers it that way, really makes him feel like an Alpha male. He will still let you on top (he has an absolute weakness for you riding him), but his strong arms are going to be wrapped around your waist/hips helping guide you while he’s thrusting up into you. Finds it adorable when you get tired and he has to take over.

- “You did so good baby but now it’s time to let Daddy do the work.”

- Aftercare with him is so sensual. He loves to kiss every inch of you afterwards, especially your tummy. He actually has quite the fixation on your tummy, loves the roundness of it. Usually showers it with kisses and then starts going lower which inevitably leads to a Round 2.

Riz:

- Again, like Gouhin, he’s a bear and bears just prefer animals with more meat on their bones. He sees it as a given and thinks everybody knows about this preference bears have so he’s genuinely shocked when people don’t know this.

- However, unlike Gouhin, he’s a little less... refined in his attraction. Riz unintentionally seems like he has a fetish for plus-sized animals by how horny curvy body types make him, but that’s just his hyper-sexual nature.

- Which is why he nearly worships the ground you walk on. He finally found an animal that’s able to keep up with high sex drive, who’s also able to handle his rough nature without him being worried he’s going to break them in half.

- Sees larger partners as more sturdy, so he feels like he doesn’t have to hold back with you. Manhandles the absolute hell out of you just because he can. Also, he’s always habitually squeezing your sides/rolls, he’s completely obsessed with how solid you are.

- Always picking you up and carrying you. If you’re in another room but he feels like cuddling, he’ll find you, throw you over his shoulder and bring you to the couch/bed/etc. just to curl up with you. Thinks your weak attempts at saying “Put me down, I’m too heavy.” are HILARIOUS.

- “Do you know how strong I am, baby? This is nothing to me,”

- Riz is still very much aware of how huge his dick is so he wouldn’t ever purposely hurt you but he is an intense lover. Mating Press is his go-to position, followed by regular missionary. He loves when his huge body is covering you and you literally have no other option but to lay there and take his fat cock.

- Also loves any position where he picks you up and fucks your soft body into a wall. Thinks it’s cute when your chubby hands slap his shoulder when your orgasm is approaching. Speaking of chubby hands, he likes to put two of your fingers in his mouth and suck them while he’s pounding into you (it’s a really weird kink of his but it keeps him rock hard during sex so you let it slide.)

Collot:

- Like Legoshi, he didn’t really know about his underlying attraction to plus-sized animals until he met you. He’s always been an ass man, preferring the big, round kinds the would jiggle in the palm of his hands. But when he saw your body, he was completely mesmerized.

- He’s still very much an ass man, and takes any and every opportunity to smack yours then squeezing it. You know that thing guys do when they grab your ass so hard they spread the cheeks a little. Well, Collot is the King of that.

- Also loves to spank you. Not always as a punishment either, sometimes he’ll just come home, see you looking irresistible, and will sit down, patting his thighs. “C’mon, you know the drill.”

- Spanks you and marvels at the way your thick thighs and ass tremble before him. Always rewards you by sinking two long fingers into your plush heat. Doesn’t stop fingerfucking you until you’ve made a mess all over his lap.

- He’s definitely handsy in almost every aspect of your relationship. Pinches your cheeks when he’s teasing you, blows raspberries on your tummy just to get your attention, caresses your thighs when he feeling frisky. He also really likes how pudgy your arms are. Likes to nuzzle his face into the soft flabby part of your upper arms (you know the part). It’s really warm and smells nice because it smells like your scent (perfume/cologne/etc.) and he just can’t get enough of it.

- Has a little bit of an oral fixation when it comes to you. Loves to watch you eat, talk, anything that involves your mouth really. And when you’re not doing anything with it, he’s fighting the urge to stuff your face with his cock and see your pretty lips work their way around that. Seeing your chubby cheeks bulge from taking his girth into your mouth sends him over the edge every time.

- He’s extremely possessive over you. Knows exactly how gorgeous you are and how anyone would leap at a chance with your soft, full figure. The thought of sharing you is enough to have him foaming at the mouth.

- “You’re mine, do you understand? Nobody’s coming between you and me.”

- That’s something he says often, usually after sex when his fingers are trailing up and down your spent form. Despite him saying it softly, you know he means every word.

[stopeatingwhales]

"how come we've never spoken before?" x noel gallagher

why haven't I written anything for noel in ages??????? anyways this was so cute I hope u lot like it <33

Pairing: 1990! noel gallagher x reader

Warnings: none :)

Word count: 1.951

Requested by anon x

༉‧₊˚✧

“You wanna come over tonight?” Liam asked me as we were walking out of the sixth form building. “Our kids coming to pick us up so was wondering if you wanted to come with.”

“Yeah alright.” I nodded, linking my arm with Liam as we walked out of the gates together. Going over to the Gallagher residence wasn’t an uncommon matter, if anything I was over at theirs at least once a week. Since their father had left the environment was always pleasant, his mum always cooking the best, most delicious meals which caused your body to crave it again each and every day until you returned back for dinner once again. As well as that, being able to spend time with Liam was always an enjoyable experience - him being my best friend since first joining the college, we hadn’t been able to separate ourselves from each other since. Of course, we would have different friends, different groups, but we always turned back to each other - something that I adored most about our relationship; we didn’t constantly need to be with one another to consider each other our best friend. Whenever I was over we would relax in his room, talking about practically everything and everything, sometimes smoking a joint by his window to prevent his mum finding out, even though the stench of it would stick to our clothes like glue - giving it away instantaneously.

After exiting the school gates, we walked for a bit until we reached the nearest neighbourhood of houses, where Noel said he would pick Liam up. To waste the time, Liam brought out a spliff from his pocket, placing it between his lips, then lighting it, him failing a couple times to get the lighter to produce a flame. “Give me a hit,” I said, watching Liam as he quickly inhaled the roll of weed, then passing it to me, a wave of smoke hitting my face from Liam’s mouth. “Stop that you twat.”

There was hardly anybody outside, from the look of the area, merely just the occasional car whizzing past us, causing the empyrean of smoke discarded from our throats to diffuse into the atmosphere. It produced a clear contrast against the skies, which had little to no clouds visible at all. Having a clear, sunny day in Manchester wasn’t something ordinary; it was a rarity, but for the past year the weather had been brilliant, though brilliant becomes unlivable when the temperature continues to increase to the thirties, celsius wise. That’s when the nature of constant traffic, crowded streets and lengthy queues at the ice cream machine disperse into their homes - the sun being too strong it becomes a chore to leave the house. Having the world so silent, hushed, brings another kind of tranquillity to the mind. Watching an inanimate street fixated in the same position, as if it were a ghost-town, encompasses that feeling of being the only person present in the world at that moment, which makes you realise that the life you live is not lead to be controlled of dictated by others - it is yours, and it is something in which you hold complete control over.

After a couple minutes of small talk shared between me and Liam, a small car drove past us, stopping promptly as the windows rolled down, indicating that it was Noel. Me and Liam quickly rushed out of the sun that was beaming down at us, to get inside his car; Liam hopping in the passenger seat next to his brother whilst I occupied the middle seat in the back. “Hi Noel.” I said softly, smiling at him through the rear view mirror, our eyes connecting for a short second whilst he greeted me back, then turning to greet Liam before taking off. Mine and Noel’s relationship wasn’t anything special: we spoke here and there, but since he usually was occupied by hanging out with friends, or travelling as a groupie for Inspiral Carpets, we never conversed much. It was a mere relationship formulated from my closeness with Liam, as manners are important - even if Liam shows the opposite. I was quite intrigued by Noel disregarding his conventional absences; he seemed to lead a life which was exciting and alluring, and was a complete contrast against Liam’s persona from what I had noticed. Liam was more into sports, mainly football, and causing havoc wherever he could (me constantly joining him since he knew how to have an absolute good time), whilst Noel seemed completely consumed by music and the wonders of working with bands. Regardless, they shared some idiosyncrasies, one thing in particular definitely being their love for weed.

Once we arrived at the house, we were greeted by Liam’s mum, who welcomed me in lovingly. “Always a pleasure to have you over, Y/N,” she said as I broke away from the embrace we shared to allow me to take off my shoes. “Liam, I'm going to need you to help me in the kitchen today.” she then said to Liam, whose face then dropped in complete annoyance.

“Why?” he moaned in response, sighing at his mum whilst removing his shoes. “Y/N’s literally here!”

“Maybe because you haven’t done the washing up for over a week, Liam,” she responded, turning her gaze to look at me, rolling her eyes at his demeanour. “Y/N’s not going anywhere, it won’t take you a year.”

After we were able to get Liam to do his chores, I told him that I would be waiting upstairs for him, in his and Noel’s room. Once I went inside, I wandered around the medium-sized room, finding my way over to Noel’s side, especially fixated on the stack of records that he had owned, aligned by the table next to the record player. He had all sorts of bands; the Beatles, the Who, the Smiths, Sex Pistols... All the best artists. The more and more I found out about him the interest I had about him increased. He seemed like a cool older brother to have, and share a room with, even though Liam sees boys in bands quite odd - which is humorous, since he’s practically an entity of his own. Proceeding to pick up a vinyl by the Smiths, the album in particular being the Queen is Dead, I admired the cover whilst grasping it in my palms. The Smiths were the only band that seemed to use the most aimless, but oddy aesthetic images of random men as their album covers - most likely courtesy of Morrissey’s desires - though I suppose is one element which creates the artistic composition of the band, and their music. Snapping me out of the trance I was consumed in, a voice echoed in the room, one which was definitely not Liam’s. “Like what you see?”

Turning around to find out who it was, I was accosted by the sight of Noel, who was holding a warm mug of tea. Flustered, I placed the vinyl back in the stack before taking a seat on Liam’s bed. “Sorry,” I mumbled, looking at Noel whilst playing with my fingers in my lap.

View stuck on him, I watched him walk to his bedside table, placing his mug of tea on the coaster, then reaching out to grab the vinyl that was once embraced by my palms. “You like the Smiths?” he asked, his eyes now connecting to my gaze.

“Yeah I do,” I said, smiling slightly at his question. “That’s my favourite album of theirs actually.”

“Didn’t expect that from you,” He replied back, taking a sip from his mug of tea before taking the vinyl out of its sleeve and placing it on the record player, watching the needle intently as it gently dropped onto the black disc before sitting back on his bed. The title track’s intro then seeped into the silence of the room, paired by Noel humming along to it. “Think their debut was better, if I’m honest.”

“Well preference always matters,” I answered back, walking over to his bed to grab the vinyl sleeve, gazing at the lyric sheets, also taking a seat next to Noel. I felt his stare on me, but I attempted to ignore it as I focused on the little verses of poetry in one of the songs. “Morrissey is such a depressing writer.”

A laugh rumbled at his throat at my absentminded comment. Averting my gaze, I looked at Noel and smiled again. “I’m not wrong!”

“What else you into?” he asked me, curiosity laced in his tone as he diverted the topic.

“Everything else you listen to really, I looked through most of your vinyls,” I replied, watching Noel as his eyebrows furrowed together in shock, my smile widening as I felt my cheeks start to burn slightly - I had never thought that I’d be having a genuine conversation with Noel. “Especially the Beatles, Liam’s told me how much you love them.”

Noel was impressed, and it showed on his face quite evidently. “What’s your favourite album by them then?”

Looking away for a couple seconds, I thought of a response. “Probably Sergeant Peppers. Was their most innovative stuff, in my opinion at least.”

We continued to ramble on about music for a short while, Noel continuing to act excessively shocked whenever I had told him I had indeed listened or liked an artist he questioned. It was nice to finally discuss music with somebody since Liam was never really into it. “You’d never expect me to listen to all of this because I’m friends with a lunatic.”

Another laugh left Noel’s mouth, a smile stuck on his lips. “All he’s obsessed with is football, I don’t even get how you’re both mates.”

“Opposites attract.” I answered back, leaning back to have my back against the wall as we continued to talk. My cheeks began to hurt after a while of us chatting, due to the smile that was unable to leave my lips.

“How come we’ve never spoken properly before?” He asked, walking over to flip the vinyl to side B. “You’re cool.” he added in a mumble, almost as if he didn’t want it to be heard.

I felt blood slightly rush to my cheeks after the compliment fell from his lips, my top teeth clinging onto my bottom lip as a wave of nervousness washed over me. “Maybe because you’re always out.”

A hum of agreement rumbled from his throat as my eyes fixated themselves on the white ceiling. I could see that Noel was staring at me through my peripheral, which caused my cheeks to increase their redness, only slightly. “We should hang out sometime.”

Connecting eyes with him, I admired his dark brown orbs for a second, before I responded. “We should.”

Breaking our moment together, we were welcomed by an exhausted Liam rushing into the room, breathing heavily from his jog up the stairs. Falling onto the bed, me and Noel shared a moment of laughter as we simply stared at Liam’s state. “What’re you lot laughing about?”

Me and Noel turned to look at one another, sharing a gaze once again. There was a specific glint in his eyes which I marveled at, his face beaming at me, only causing me to reciprocate in the same manner. Our stare meant more than what it was, a certain tension was held between us that was felt by both participants. Especially for Noel, whose heart was pumping as if it were about to burst out of his chest, his cheeks a little flushed out of admiration for the girl sitting next to him. “Nothing.” we replied, giggling slightly as our eyes stayed glued on one another.

[kodzumie-archived]

❝GENERAL RELATIONSHIP❞

Synopsis; What a relationship with Komaeda is like.

Featuring; Nagito Komaeda x GN! Reader

Warning(s); Nagito’s self-degradation, but that’s about it! The rest is just fluff with your local best boy!

Kodzumie’s Note; This was a request from AO3! Ah, this was fun to do, Komaeda is wonderful!

➤ NAGITO KOMAEDA

⤷ Of all Nagito’s infatuations—his obsession with the conception of hope and the conquest of despair—he truly took his admiration for you to push upon his utmost limits.

⤷ He sought those who harbored the quintessential fundaments of hope; an eye in which views the world under a stardust-flickered lens.

⤷ When he’d first met you, his crazed fixation of idealistics had fogged his mind, preventing him from truly familiarizing himself with you. He was blinded, unable to appreciate you due to his incompetence.

⤷ So once he was able to clear the mist of peculiar fascination, it was as though he’d transferred from one fixation to another. It only took a bit for him to withdraw an introduction from you, and provide the same upon your request. But as he gazed into your eyes—a sheen of blossoming delight within them—he found himself ardent.

⤷ When Nagito loves, he obsesses. His tendencies to fixate push him forth to do all that he’s capable of to serve the dawn of his piqued desire within the span of his worthless existence.

⤷ That’s why he provides unconditional service for you; withdrawing your workload and providing you with the moments of solace a celestial like you deserves.

⤷ By any chance that you’re hungry whilst he’s around? Not to worry! He’s already on his way to pick up whatever it is you’re craving. And better yet, he’ll even make it himself if it isn’t available.

⤷ He’s fully devoted to making sure your life is as easy as possible, willfully claiming to be a stepping stone for you. Though you’ve reprimanded him multiple times for his claims, he’s yet to cease his desire to provide for you.

⤷ Expecting a proper confession from Nagito would be a miracle; the slim chance within a lifetime. Every proclamation of love drizzled in his treacle idiosyncracy to riddle his subtle confessions with monologues of all that he finds celestial about you. News flash, he views you as faultless.

⤷ In all honesty, a proper confession will be through you. So whether or not his infatuations are even fractionally mutual is dependent on your enactment. But his love through the conveyances of acts of service and affectionate praise gradually do capture your heart.

⤷ The lovestruck, luck-centric male follows you around as though he were a baby duck. A sight that you—admittedly—thought was adorable. He trails behind you, eager to discover any way to help you whilst also being close to you.

⤷ It wasn’t difficult for you to piece together the truth of his feelings for you; romantic feelings. Besides, you’d be a fool to miss the radiant flush on his cheeks that provides his pale, borderline sickly skin with a rosy glow.

⤷ Eventually, if you decide to act upon the mutual fondness, you’ll provide him with a proper confession.

⤷ His reaction to your words—to your offer of being his lover and caring for him as yours—was to assume you were merely joking. After all, why on Earth would a divinity, a beacon of hope, such as yourself want to associate with scum like him? Much less, be his lover?

⤷ Your first confession was dismissed by him due to his genuine portrayal of your returned affections being a lighthearted joke.

⤷ But after the second, and the third, and the fourth, he was gradually beginning to accept that maybe—just maybe—your returned love wasn’t a dream too far out of reach.

⤷ After the sixth confession, Nagito accepts. Albeit reluctantly. He feared that after he’d accepted, you’d merely laugh and claim it’d been a joke the whole time and he finally fell for it.

⤷ But you didn’t. Even as he flinched when you took his hands in yours—interlocking your fingers—in a habitual conveyance of your joy, you didn’t.

⤷ Perhaps it was instinctual to assume that he’d be tossed to the curb. A worthless nobody such as himself had no right to be with you. And yet, that fateful day, he still found himself with you, nuzzled within your embrace.

⤷ As a partner, Nagito’s love language is certainly acts of service. Despite his ability to ramble about your incredulous existence for eons, his heart truly is strung together upon his eagerness to do all that he can to remove any stressors from your life.

⤷ If you’re feeling particularly exhausted one day, he offers to do all your chores for you and allow you to rest. Got any errands to run? He’ll be more than happy to do those too.

⤷ It’s a form of compassion that he doesn’t accept to be reciprocated. So if you ever go out of your way to do something in favor of him not having to, his heart will certainly melt. Although he attempts to deny your offer, promising he can do it himself, he’s appreciative that you counter back just as persistently. It makes him feel so, so cared for; something he never thought himself to have to be accustomed to until he got with you.

⤷ Throughout your relationship, Nagito’s views of himself as turbulent. He still doesn’t think of himself as worthy of your love; he still thinks of his existence as nothing but a mere inconvenience. But there are times where you’ve truly alleviated those perceptions and allowed him to relish within the hope that he isn’t as lowly as he assumes.

⤷ It’s a sequence of ups-and-downs; a timeline of irreplaceable euphoria upon shared memories that’ll uphold against the test of time and the taunting periods of melancholy.

⤷ Nagito, as a lover, is far from perfect. He devotes himself entirely; whether that’s beneficial or not. Sometimes his portrayal of compassion is deemed as obsession, sending across the wrong interpretation of what he truly yearns for.

⤷ He wants to love, he truly does. And—even if he thinks he doesn’t deserve it—he wants to be loved. And for as long as you share his love, returning it to him even if by only a fraction of what he gives, that’s enough for him.

[dangermousie]

Case File Compendium - ch 55

Good God, these are getting longer and longer, I feel like the ghost of Leo Tolstoy, sans the beard, is possessing me.

This was hilarious! And I love that despite last night, HY does not get the balance of power permanently altered. He Yu is so very young. And underneath the madness and the rage and the violence, he still has that remnant insecurity and awkwardness that could go away with age.

If he could use a scalpel as well as he can use his tongue, XQC would be the premiere surgeon of the country. But this was brilliant! God, I love XQC so very much!

I wondered for a minute why XQC does not act more distraught and destroyed and then it occurred to me - he is literally incapable of it. This is the same person who saw mangled bodies of his parents as a kid and moved on, the same one who kept functioning when he thought the sole person he loved, his sister, was dead. And this is the same here. He already doesn’t care if he lives or dies, this won’t change that. He will do with the latest horror the same as he did with the rest of the horrors in his life - shove it in a small room in the back of his mind and padlock it, while smoking three packs in a row. It’s not healthy but it enables him to survive.

YESSSSSS! He Yu was clearly fooling himself when he was all “he is gonna hate me and this is great!” He is distraught at the thought of XQC hating him but what the hell else did you expect?! It’s like a teeny baby step on the long road of remorse and groveling MB is gonna stick him on.

YES!!!! Applause!!!! Regardless of what one thinks XQC did or didn’t do, nothing he could have ever possibly done could justify what He Yu did. Not to mention, he treated He Yu when he was his doctor to the best of his ability. (Whatever one thinks of their post-employment interactions, he was not his doctor any more.)

The other thing, I don’t think XQC is a therapist. He’s a psychiatrist. He was clearly there to monitor HY’s illness back way when but it’s to treat physical manifestations and similar. That is why so many of his interactions come from this place. Sure, he talked about HY reintegrating back into society but it wasn’t part of any specific structured therapy sessions, it was just his personal beliefs/conversations. HY needed a bona fide therapist for proper therapy. But his parents never got HY one because they only cared about him being controlled enough to not cause issues to them, they never cared about his well-being. Hell, they never bothered to get him ANY doctor once XQC left and HY was only 14. Because hey, he controls himself so who cares about mental trauma. They are the worst!

Oh God, I want to cosmically slap HY into next week. “You Honor, I drugged and raped a dude but that’s justified because I never got birthday cake as a kid.” I am imagining that as a defense in a court of law.

Yes, I am being snide and disingenuous and reductionist because He Yu’s issues are obviously way beyond that and are genuine and serious, but I have absolutely zero sympathy for a rapist telling his victim that he is the one actually wronged.

And then he says he wouldn’t tell the truth because HY couldn’t bear it.

And guess what? Last night has proven XQC right on all accounts - yes, XX should stay away from He Yu as should anyone who likes self-preservation. And yes, learning that things were hallucinations was something HY couldn’t bear (yes, it got aggravated by finding out people concealed that, but I don’t think reaction would have been in the realm of good even without that.)

I loved that bit so much and I love that He Yu was sooooo close and then wrecked it himself.

The thing is, I don’t think all of the “XQC didn’t see the strength/validity of He Yu’s feelings” is what it seems. I don’t think it’s because he’s paternalistic or weird or heartless. I think it’s a defense mechanism due to trauma. He refuses to see ANYONE’s feelings - hell, he refused his wife’s! I think once his parents were murdered, he locked his heart to survive and refused to allow anyone or anything is so as not to be hurt again. XX is the only exception and that is because she was grandfathered in, so to speak.

And then HY’s actions actually did manage to make it through to the armor. Only for He Yu’s other actions to slam that door shut and put an extra layer of protection on.

Ummm, there is nothing in these chapters that is convincing me that He Yu shouldn’t be locked up forever and instead should be allowed to be in human society.

In general, I keep wondering how XQC will get past chapter 52-53 stuff and my brain breaks. Despite the vast amounts of noncon in 2ha, it is a much easier case there. CWN of main storyline never truly had to - he kept thinking his flashbacks were not real memories but weird dreams and by the time he realized they weren’t, he learned about the flower shortly after and how none of TXJ’s actions were really his fault in close succession. CWN -.5 also learned that near the end of the 0.5 timeline and that is what allowed him to love even that warped 0.5 version of Mo Ran and to tell him to forgive himself before CWN 0.5 died. And when we look at whatever went on with CWN and zombie Taxian Jun, leaving aside that CWN himself was in part looking for the man he loved and lost and being with this tormented, destroyed, controlled version of him was the most he could have, zombie TXJ was not even a proper person to be held responsible - he was a sliver of a soul, mad and controlled and with memory and personality lacunae the size of Australia. And of course the fact that he is the way he is because he sacrificed himself for CWN hangs over everything. We don’t even need to get into “and CWN loves him” to get why for CWN this is really a non-issue.

Despite a much healthier dynamic, Yuwu is interestingly closer. Because Mo Xi x Gu Mang first time is dubcon at best. But even there, it’s a very old-school romance novel set up of “gentleman overcome by his feelings can’t control himself” (and I am not going to get into the fact that Gu Mang’s life is so devoid of love that it’s matter of fact for him to look past the method of expression and fixate instead of the feelings being shown however dysfunctionally, because it would make me depressed.) But it’s basically, intense and terrible at intractions bear child Mo Xi expressing his love/lust/obsession/admiration/devotion to Gu Mang even if in an insane way and Gu Mang is under no mistake than that is what it is and they are in mutual love with GM having the emotional upper hand in every interaction this included (in fact, when he defects some years later, one of the regrets he feels is that he was always more crucial/paramount to Mo Xi than other way around.)

But CFC - forget 2ha, it’s not even Yuwu set-up! He Yu does what he does explicitly to humiliate and destroy and hurt XQC and makes no bones about it - saying things to humiliate him throughout, acting in such a way etc etc. It’s not even a sex version of the infamous Russian proverb “if he beats you means he loves you,” it’s just rape as an act of revenge and power and degradation. (And yes, as a reader, you are aware that the reason HY glommed onto that specifically is because without getting it at all, he’s been obsessed romantically/sexually with XQC for years so he’s acting out. But there is no way XQC can get anything like that from it and even if he somehow magically could when even HY himself doesn’t get it, expressing interest through humiliating and hurting someone on purpose to hurt and humiliate is a whole other level from something like Yuwu.)

So how?!

[ddarker-dreams]

Henry & Sylvain x M Reader Not SFW HCs. [COMM]

Warnings: NOT SFW, mind control, stalking mention, unhealthy power dynamics, and blood mention.  Word count: 3k.

Henry:

Before meeting you, Henry had never thought about sex that often. He was aware of it but never saw the appeal. Why waste time with strenuous physical activity when he could be perfecting different hexes instead? It’s when he met you that his libido started to pick up. It started in the small, seemingly ordinary things. Paying extra attention to your exposed collarbones, the outline of your jaw, how you’d look when wiping sweat from your brow. It’d stir feelings up within Henry that he’d never experienced before. 

He wasn’t sure what to do with all this new excitement that came from being around you. To sate this newfound urge, he’d touch himself at night to the thought of you, low groans and whispers of your name leaving his lips incessantly. Henry would imagine you in a variety of positions, even wondering if he could use his magical prowess to form some sort of double of you to enact these fantasies with. It’d be easier that way, he’d reason, without the prominent fear of rejection should he approach you about these feelings. Henry isn’t sure what he’d do with himself should you turn down him in a confession, so he tries to placate himself in other ways.

This solution works for some time. He’d start fixating over your discarded clothes, maneuvering in secret to steal your briefs while you wash up after a long day’s work. The aid his natural magic inclination brings makes the process smoother. He’ll jerk himself off with your briefs on his face, imagining it was your hands instead of his own wrapped around his cock. Henry will be creeping around your tent whenever he gets the opportunity to steal more personal belongings.

Henry has other, more practical uses for these items. They aid nefarious ideas of his own concocting, the darker side to the mystic arts. He delights himself in experimenting with different spells and hexes that’ll aid him at... a later time. It’s a fallback in case you do reject him. While Henry is typically inclined to follow orders, carnal pleasures of the flesh are too great a temptation to deny, his budding obsession with you not going anywhere.

He’ll of course hide all this unsightly behavior from you, wanting to leave a stellar impression of himself. Should you try and pursue a relationship with Henry, he’ll be more than delighted, accepting your advances without hesitation. Henry isn’t experienced when it comes to physical intimacy and would prefer to learn what you’re interested in before anything else. You’ll learn that he’s eager to please. 

There’ll be hours of conversation between the two of you, with mostly him speaking, asking questions about your kinks and various preferences. Oddly enough, he doesn’t go much into his own until later into your relationship. You didn’t take him for the type to be more reserved on his own kinks. The reason being is that they tend to linger on the darker side -- like mind control -- so he won’t mention it to you until he feels more comfortable. For now, that’ll stay in his private fantasies. 

It goes without saying that Henry is into biting or any form of making, to the point it draws blood. He’ll laugh lightheartedly about it should you ever point out all the marks he leaves on your neck. When he’s pressing kisses and nibbling against your skin, it’ll be one of the few times he’ll open his eyes, wanting to drink in your every movement. Henry doesn’t want to miss out on anything you can offer him.

The spots he’s most sensitive are underneath his ears and his wrists. Henry will go from joking and teasing to dead silent when you place kisses against these areas, shivers wracking down his spine and blood rushing in between his legs. Should you blow on his ear it’ll be enough to get him riled up, Henry pushing you onto your back and hovering above your vulnerable form. Be prepared to have aching legs and hips the next morning. 

He’s both a sadist and a masochist, though he leans more towards the latter. He’ll be just as pleased to receive pain as he is to inflict it on you, depending on his and your mood. Blood has always interested him, but seeing it in this light is new and thrilling, especially if it’s yours. Henry gets the most pleasure from licking the blood from the newly formed cuts and bruises on your pretty skin.

Henry prefers giving rather than receiving. While he enjoys it when you pleasure him instead, there’s something more appealing to him about being the one getting you riled up. Unfortunately, he has a penchant for teasing, kissing around your waist and thighs while leaving your dick untouched. He could continue amusing himself like this for ages if it weren’t for your convincing whines for him to just get you off already. 

He loves to swallow your cum, enjoying the taste of it and makes sure that he always swallows every last drop. He’ll tease you about it afterward, always loving how he can make your cheeks flush with his lascivious comments. You’ll get the opportunity for payback when you finally go down on him, Henry being too preoccupied with how good you’re making him feel to think of any more lame jokes or quips. That doesn’t mean he won’t throw in a few after though.

His dick is around five and a half inches fully erect, more on the long and thin side. He has a prominent vein that stretches from the base to his tip that’s very sensitive. You’ll earn the most unholy sounds from him when you touch or lick it. 

Henry is extremely possessive of you but doesn’t channel in a way that most would. As he’s still new to relationships and intimacy in general, it doesn’t feel like there’s a productive way to channel these negative feelings, other than being unusually rough and demanding with you during sex. He’ll be far less talkative, focusing on making you writhe beneath him. It’s an unusual, albeit mildly frightening sight. Bitemarks will be left in overt places that can’t easily be covered with clothes. Whenever the bruises do start to heal, he’ll pull you aside to make new ones, muttering about how that’s better before scampering off. 

He also loves to cum deep inside of you. Henry insists on doing so when he’s the one fucking you, the way you tighten around him driving him crazy. You can tell he’s close when he stops talking, thrusting into you while gritting his teeth, his hands gripping your hips tight enough to leave bruises. For a mage, he has an abundance of physical strength, you’ve learned. 

Traditional dirty talk isn’t really his forte. Henry just says what comes to his mind, which tends to be odd or even questionable, but you’ve grown used to it. He’ll say the nastiest things without an ounce of shame. You’re not sure if it’s because he doesn’t know the sexual implications of what he’s saying, if he doesn’t care, or both. This has landed you in some embarrassing situations. If any of the Shepherds mention you look more tired lately, Henry will joyfully pipe up and say it’s because of him. It’s a nightmare. He seems to enjoy riling you up, so it’s best to not give him the reaction he’s looking for. 

He’s been waiting a long time to bring up the prospect of mind control magic to you. When he finally does, he’ll be rambling excitedly about all the possibilities, how he’s been preparing, etc. It’s better not to ask why he has a lock of your hair already prepared in a jar. Since he’s more proficient in magic, he insists on being the one to use it on you, though offers to teach you how to use it on him one day.

Henry loves how subservient you are when you’re under his spell, literally, your eyes blank as you wordlessly obey his every order. His favorite orders are things you’d normally be too embarrassed to do. Things like slowly stripping for him, giving a lap dance, telling you to moan as loud as humanly possible. He loves telling you to get on your hands and knees for him, praising you for your obedience as you do exactly that without question. 

A dark voice in the recesses of his mind entertains the thought of keeping you in this state permanently. You’re just being so good for him, it’s tempting to keep it up, despite his promise to release you after your time together. Henry might keep you in this listless state just a bit longer than he said he would, for the sole purpose of pampering him in kisses and burning touches. When he finally does release you from his spell, he’ll joke about not knowing which version of you he likes more. He likes both equally, don’t worry.

Sylvain: 

Sylvain’s reputation proceeds him, it’s no surprise that his advances towards you consist of flirtatious remarks and “accidental” touches. Especially when you’re training at the monastery together, instructing him on how to properly wield a weapon, he takes advantage of the time to fluster you. Sylvain will ask for help on adjusting his form, not so subtly leaning into your chest with his back while you make the proper adjustments. He has no sense of shame. You can get back at him by giving a genuine compliment, that’ll be enough to ignite a blush on his face.

He’s always jumping at the opportunity for private tutoring, even if he doesn’t need any additional help, believing that the alone time with you will advance his goals. Sylvain will pull his chair extra close to yours, his voice notably deeper than normal as he asks questions that’ll get you talking. Eventually, he’ll give up the pretense of wanting to learn altogether, focusing the conversation more on you as a person than the lesson material. Sylvain will look at you through lidded eyes as you answer his inquiries in depth, wondering how your lips would look somewhere else. 

His language consists heavily of sexual innuendos. It feels like everything he does is for the sake of riling you up, a knowing chuckle leaving his lips when you cross your legs to hide how hard you’re growing from his flirtatious comments. That’s when he decides to grow bolder. He’ll teasingly rub his hand over your crotch, maintaining eye contact while he does so, asking with a smug voice if something is wrong. 

Sylvain’s preference is to be the one in total control. He finds it thrilling to have you pinned down underneath him, fucking you relentlessly when just minutes prior you were the one lecturing him. It gives him a rush of adrenaline found nowhere else, not even on the battlefield. It’s immensely satisfying to know that you’re like putty in his hands, canting into his every touch as you try your best to chase down your release. He can’t get enough of it.

He has a huge exhibitionism kink. The risk of being caught with your dick in his mouth never fails to get him going, his own member hardening as you harshly bite down on your lip to keep quiet. He’ll expect you to return the favor once you come in his mouth, whispering for you to get on your hands and knees for him. Sylvain cares slightly less about being quiet, far more carefree on the matter than you. He finds your anxiety in the situation to be endearing. 

The physical training that he’s undergone for years has molded his body well, particularly his biceps. He adores it when you kiss and nip up and down his arm, moaning louder than normal as you do so. His favorite part of your body would be your inner thighs. From the years you spent as a mercenary, your muscles are well defined as well, and earn extra attention from Sylvain. He makes sure to linger in the areas he likes the most. 

Sylvain is downright cruel with his orgasm denial. He’ll spend all day teasing you, winking and brushing against you in the hallway, getting you worked up for later. When you finally do get alone time together, he spends the most time on foreplay, but noticeably ignores your throbbing member. Sylvain won’t relieve you until you’re a begging, incomprehensible mess, and even then he still keeps you waiting. 

One surefire way to end Sylvain’s teasing is offering to let him face fuck you. He’s fantasized about it before, and would likely do it with or without your suggestion, but there’s something about you offering it so willingly that sends heat to his crotch. Sylvain greedily accepts your offer, thrusting his dick deep into your mouth, his balls hitting your chin as he does so. He’ll pull on your hair, forcing your face as close to his pelvis as humanly possible. You won’t hear the end of it unless you swallow every last drop of his cum. 

Even when you’re the one fucking him, he’s giving orders, telling you exactly what he wants. You’re both pretty equal in terms of strength, but his personality makes him more domineering. He loves watching how you try your best to please him, slyly telling you exactly what he wants at every chance. It’s only when he’s close to coming that he finally shuts up, focusing on how good you’re making him feel. He’s a guy who knows what he wants and how to get it.

Sylvain’s moans are low and breathy, sometimes guttural as he gets closer to his release. He tends to curse underneath his breath, especially when he’s fucking you, practically chanting your name with every sharp thrust. For someone that loves denying you release, he doesn’t appreciate the same treatment and prefers to come as fast as he can. He has a lot of pent up frustrations, after all, and has found this is the best way to deal with all the stress. 

He loves pulling your hair, forcing you to maintain eye contact with him when you finally come. Sylvain would insist that you look him in the eye as he fucks you, wanting to see your face when you get your release, slowing down if you try to look away out of embarrassment. He could practically get off on the sight of you coming undone alone, and has a few times, but only when you’re unavailable for whatever reason. 

Sylvain loves watching you jerk yourself off and will ask to see you do so. It can feel a bit embarrassing at first, but he’ll encourage you, saying how badly he wants to see it. You’ve found it’s difficult to deny Sylvain what he wants and that it’s more productive to do as he asks. You’ll be rewarded appropriately, feeling his lips on your dick when you get closer, Sylvain murmuring that he’ll take things from here. 

His dick is about six inches fully erect. He’s both long and girthy, making it a bit painful the first few times he fucks you, especially since he doesn’t seem to mind being rough. His dick gets incredibly red when he’s aroused, you’ve learned. 

You’re not entirely sure how he managed to get ahold of one, but Sylvain shows up to your personal quarters one night with a cock ring. He explains with a wink that it’s meant for you. You almost miss the teasing he made you endure before, as it was nothing compared to this, Sylvain entertaining himself with your body for hours without letting you come once. He’ll make you say the most humiliating things for even a chance to come. Of course, he rewards your obedience later, but the wait until then can feel borderline painful. 

His favorite way to take you is against the wall. There’s something primal and thrilling about it, watching how your body contorts while he fucks you against it. It’s a perfect position to get deep inside of you, as you have no choice but to lock your legs around his waist to avoid falling, so this position is his go to. He also gets a kick out of all the noise that it makes, not even attempting to be quiet to avoid rumors. If there’s anything Sylvain has grown to disdain, it’s the opinions of others, especially nobles. This causes him to care less about anyone who might hear the two of you. 

Sylvain is likely to introduce toys into the occasion at some point in your relationship. He wouldn’t care much for using them on himself, no, he wants to use them on you. To see all the cute faces and noises you make as he pleasures you in a variety of ways, it makes him hard just thinking about it. He’s especially fond of having you wear a butt plug throughout the day. He’ll make your life extra difficult, innocently asking you to get things for him in public. It’s all in good fun, he just enjoys seeing you struggle to maneuver around all day, having to act like nothing is the matter. Sylvain will promise to make it up to you later. 

Expect to be called a wide variety of pet names. Sylvain does moan your name the most by default, but when he starts getting more comfortable with you, a few affectionate nicknames will get mixed in there. He’s partial to calling you professor, or prof, depending on his mood. Sadly for you, he’ll still call you that outside of the bedroom, with a knowing wink at how your cheeks flush. He can be a bit of a cheeky bastard at times.

As your relationship progresses, Sylvain will sometimes get softer when you’re intimate together. He didn’t care much for love, thinking most suitors only wanted to be with him for his crest, so he is truly greatly for you. He’ll prove this by slowing down, murmuring praises and peppering loving kisses against your skin. He wants to make sure you know how much he cares for you, even if he struggles to show it in a genuine way at times. 

[crimsonwolfie]

“I Can’t Lose You” — Hamish Duke x Reader (The Order)

Hi! So this is my first ever completed fanfic i have ever written so please give me feedback and if you want me to write more! This is a “The Order” fanfic because i’ve recently become obsessed with this show and in specific, Hamish Duke. Darn he’s so cute! Also there needs to be more fanfics for this fandom so i thought i’d try! Hope you guys like it!!! Sorry this one is a bit of a sad one, but sometimes sad ones are THE ones you know?

Warnings: character death, guilt, just overall sadness tbh. Don’t read if you’re in a good fluffy mood lmao

Word count: 3,500

Pairing: Hamish Duke x Reader (also slightly Knights x Reader)

Masterlist

Edward (or should i say, grand Magus)’s plan for world domination was going too smoothly, and everyone was worried. The Knights of St Christopher and Alyssa knew they had to do something, even if it meant death. Even though you were only human, not a knight nor a member of The Order, you still wouldn’t let anything happen to your friends. Especially Hamish - he’s different. You have a soft spot for him, an unrequited love even...never mind if he’s a little older than you.

You walk into the knights’ house to see Vera pottering around the room, searching through books and handling strange objects in her hands.

“The hell is she doing here?!” Lilith screams, eyes changing with rage.

“It’s okay, she’s here to help” Alyssa replies, shrugging Randall’s hands off of her shoulders

“...fuck that WHY ARE YOU HERE DAMNIT?! Lilith practically roars after hearing and seeing Alyssa’s presence. Yeah her memories came back, but so did emotions linked to them.

“Lilith please, you have to calm down.” Alyssa reaches her hands out in an attempt to comfort Lilith, only to realise it made things way worse. You stand there unable to trigger what is even happening...heck you even felt betrayed when you found out Alyssa wiped Lilith’s memories of the order...now she feels like someone you used to know. You look down and notice Lilith’s claws start to come out and quickly you run over to stop “Kilith” making an appearance.

“Lilith i’m so glad you’re okay, what happened??” You ask, hugging your friend who surprisingly returns the hug.

“Thank YOU for noticing i’m alive. SEE I CAN SAVE MYSELF, THANKS FOR YOUR HELP GUYS!” She shouts, knowing the boys can clearly hear her.

“They’re just dumb, stupid idiots who messed with the wrong Knight, that’s all.” She smirks

“Well i’m glad you’re okay. We had a plan, you know” I say, gently squeezing her shoulder

“Why wouldn’t you. You can’t survive without me” she laughs, although she’s got a point.

Alyssa looks over to us, hovers her gaze and then looks away. Even though i can’t read her mind, i still see how she looks at me and Lilith and remembers painful memories of how they used to be this close. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t listen to us when we all say that The Order is bad for her, it’s just going to destroy her humanity. Even Jack agrees.

Randall, Jack and Hamish run over slightly shocked to see Lilith standing in the doorway. See here’s the thing, when i see Randall, i get happy. But in a comfortable way, like a sibling like love. When i see Jack, i just get annoyed and aggravated since he’s always up to no good...but when i see Hamish, it’s like the world is in slow motion. Nothing else matters until you see his face, or know he’s okay. He’s like your safe house, your anchor that brings you back to comfort and reality.

“Oh my god Lilith you’re here! How are you? Are you hurt? What the fuck are you wearing?” Randall blabs on, checking Lilith everywhere for marks or enchanted knife stabs

‘Okay since when has Randall shown so much care towards Lilith?’ You think...seems a bit forced in your opinion but oh well.

“Lilith! Urm...we kidnapped a child for you” Hamish stutters, happy to see Lilith but also confused about what is happening right now

“I’ve been kidnapped?!” a small child pipes up from the corner chair, eyes wide open and comic book stretched over his chest

“Oh for god’s sake” Vera huffs whilst flicking her finger towards the small child, instantly knocking him unconscious

“You what?” Lilith chokes, slapping Randall’s hands away from her face “why would you do that? Wait...he thinks his son is his only son right? So when he gets the child back he’ll still lose at his plan?”

“Exactly. Wait we’re letting an innocent child get killed? Isn’t there some fool-proof plan to make sure no one gets killed?!” You remark, earning a few sorrowful glances at your humanity

“There isn’t another way. It’s the only plan we have i’m afraid” Hamish replies, stepping towards you.

Alyssa and Jack look towards each other in synchronisation, as if they have a plan.

“Okay i think i have an idea, but Alyssa i’ll need your help” Jack says, nodding his head hopefully. “Whatever happens, make sure no one gets hurt”

After Jack and Alyssa leave, you step to the side and begin thinking of ways that you can not only save thousands of innocent lives, but also help save those you hold closest - Hamish, Lilith, Randall and Jack. If Edward wants to sacrifice his own son, then what if...

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” You turn around to see Hamish behind you, looking down at you with eyes of concern and care. His hand is on your shoulder, rubbing small circles with his thumb

“Nothing, just worried that’s all” you reply, hoping he doesn’t see through your act. You know he wouldn’t approve of your thoughts, so you keep them to yourself.

“It’s going to be okay, he doesn’t know Jack is his first born and without him, he’s failed. We’re gonna be okay.” He pulls you into his chest, instantly calming your nerves. It feels like forever when he hugs you, and how you wish you could freeze time in that moment as you lean into his warm touch and burry your face into his chest, his grip tightening on your upper and lower back for support. You can hear his heart beating, making you smile into his chest.

“You know, you really are a special human being” he hums as he gently strokes your head with his thumb “not just because you have a heart of gold, but because you manage to light a room up even if tragedy occurs”

You can’t help but coo at his words, smiling a smile so big into his chest. You look up to see that adorable little smirk he does, with his hair hanging down and his eyes fixated into yours.

“Awhh, Hamish. Thank you” your cheeks blush as he chuckles, before he lets go of you. Moments like this are your favourite, always.

You look over to see Vera staring outside the window, a panicked look on her face. You’ve never known The Order as you’re not a member, but you’ve heard plenty enough from Hamish and the others to know they’re no good. And that goes for Vera - she only helps if she gets something out of it. None of them have any genuine good in their hearts unless it involved selfishness.

“Okay we’ve got a problem, you have visitors” she turns around, announcing like some high monarchy jester...you can’t help but roll your eyes at her.

“What do you mean? Who’s coming?” Randall asks

“It’s the Order, they’re here for the child” Vera replies

“Well they aren’t getting him. We have to stop them” Lilith cries, actual seriousness in her voice...’damn i’m so proud of her’ you think as you remember how she felt no remorse in killing before.

“She’s right. C’mon” Hamish agrees. As Randall and Lilith go out and their hides come out, Hamish pulls you to the side.

“Y/N, you have to stay in here. It’s too dangerous and i don’t want to lose you okay? We need you here” he looks restless and panicked, a look you haven’t seen on his face so genuine before.

“I’ll be right here, it’s fine. Go!” You reply, kissing him on the cheek as a way to say ‘i’m not losing you either, idiot’. He leans into your kiss, holding his cheek with a smile after and then steps out of the door.

Vera seems to be the only one left inside, so you ponder over to her in an attempt to begin a conversation with her. ‘Maybe she isn’t as bad as the others?’ you think.

“Hey, Vera?” You ask hesitantly

“Urm...yes? Y/N isn’t it?” She replies whilst looking into her book of potions and concoctions

“Yeah, i was just wondering about a spell that could shape shift you into something...or someone else...is there one?” You ask, weary of trusting her

“Of course there’s such spell, it’s like the basics of magic” she replies “why?”

“I was just wondering. I mean, i don’t think this whole plan will work and...”

“You want to help.” She finishes your sentence

“...yeah. I know i’m no knight or member of The Order but i still want to help.” You stutter, playing with your fingers, twirling them around each other

“I see. So you want to shapeshift into someone else?” She replies, turning towards me in curiosity

“I guess...” you begin as you trail on about your plan in order to save everyone and especially, to save Hamish.

Time goes by and you receive a call from Jack

“Jack what’s wrong?” You ask as you hear Jack’s heavy breathing on the other end of the line

“It’s Alyssa, Edward’s got her. He’s got her and won’t give her back until he gets his son back...” he’s running it seems, panic set in his tone and regret “It’s all my fault, it’s my fucking fault. An innocent person is going to die either way because of me now. It’s Alyssa or his second child” he chokes up, clearly about to break down

“Jack, hey, Jack listen to me...it’s NOT your fault, you tried to save everyone and it doesn’t work that way, much like magic - There’s always a price to pay.” You look up to Vera, who sympathetically smiles at you with a sad smile

“Just get back here and we’ll figure something out okay? We’ll get her back, Jack. I promise” you softly say, hearing Jack calm down and agree. You hang up and linger for a second on your home screen - a picture of you and your friends. Hamish is sitting next to you with his arm around you tightly and his other arm holding a cocktail. He’s staring down at you laughing. Randall is on the other side of you, laughing with his head up as if he was mid throwing his head back in laughter. He’s holding one of your hands whilst his other arm is near Lilith. You’re leaning into Hamish’s chest, giggling and looking down with a blushed cheeks, whilst Lilith is sitting next to Randall but not touching anyone (no surprise there) and looking down at Jack laughing. Jack is in front of you all, making a silly face and lying on his side, with one leg up in the air and arm tucked under his head. You’ve all got smiles on your faces and look like a proper family, which is exactly how you see them all.

Vera sees you staring down at your phone, aware that you’re doing something she has never seen anyone willing to do before “You don’t have to do this, there must be another way” She pleas, but you both know no other way is guaranteed to fail Edward of his task. “It’s not too late. Think of what you’re losing”

“Vera i know, but i’m thinking of what i’m earning for those i love” i reply, tears welling in my eyes. Vera understands my position and agrees to help me.

An hour later

“Where’s Y/N? She should be here! She said she would keep safe” Hamish runs up and down the house looking for you, unaware of what’s to come. He’s beginning to get restless and worried more than ever now

“It’s okay, she said she went to get supplies for me. She’ll be back” Vera lies

“We don’t have anymore time. Edward will need a sacrifice by 12, which means we have 20 minutes. And if we don’t give him a sacrifice he’ll kill Alyssa” Jack cries

“I need to give him someone. Guys scrap the plan, i need to go. I have to. I’d never forgive myself if Alyssa dies. Not because of me” Jack screams, anger venting inside him. Randall approaches and tries to calm Jack down before things get messy or before something he regrets happens.

“I need to know Y/N is safe, i couldn’t live if she got hurt” Hamish joined in, gaining looks towards him in surprise but also...guilt...from Vera.

Hamish notices Vera’s guilty look and instantly begins changing into Tundra through anger built inside of him but also...fear.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?” He practically growls at Vera, who holds her hands up to defend herself (as if that’s gonna stop a werewolf pftt). Vera begins to back away in fear of getting eaten alive, but Randall and Jack start to hold Hamish back, as his hide begins to hide again even as he fights against Jack and Randall’s grips

“It was her idea. She’s gone to stop Edward” Vera replies, eyes wide and hands ready to cast a spell as blood seeps from her palm.

“NO we need to stop her” Hamish cries as he breaks free from the boys’ arms and runs out the door, with the others following.

—

Jack enters the temple to see Edward preparing for his final task - the sacrifice. Alyssa is standing to the side, hands behind her back. She’s been enchanted from performing any spells, as Edward clearly saw he couldn’t trust anyone anymore. Upon Jack’s entrance, Alyssa runs up to him and hugs him, suddenly realisation sets into her glare.

“Jack what are you doing here, you can’t be here he’ll kill you!” She whispers, gripping onto his arm.

“It’s okay, at least you and everyone else will be safe” he replies, rubbing her hand on his arm

“Jack, i don’t see my child...you do know what a trade means don’t you?” Edward mocks, standing straight and tall in an attempt to threaten Jack.

“Grand Magus, you need your first born for the spell to work. Correct? Therefore, i’m here.” He stands tall and strong, stepping in front of Alyssa in a way to protect her. Edward looks around sheepishly, confused at what is happening. He takes a step forward and demands Alyssa tells him the truth. “Is this true, Alyssa? Don’t lie to me. I will know.” He booms, face inches away from Alyssa’s.

Alyssa hesitates before Edward threatens to come closer “okay it’s true. Yes, Grand Magus. He’s your son” she cries, tears threatening to spill as her words came out.

“Very well. Honourable of you, Jack. I must admit. However, that is not a quality you pursue from me.” Edward mocks, as he drags Jack towards the table where the book is. Jack climbs onto the table, as Edward starts summoning words and phrases, eventually producing a knife. Magus takes out the knife from the book

“NO!” Alyssa cries out, tears streaming and hands trembling. Edward ignores her screams and raises the knife in the air, thickening the suspense. Footsteps can be heard from behind the temple doors, lots of them. They sound as if they are quickening towards the door. Jack’s face drops a single tear as Edward releases his arms from the air and stabs him in the chest with the knife. As soon as the knife has been released, the doors burst open and Jack appears. Edward double takes towards Jack, who is standing by the door with Hamish, Vera, Randall and Lilith. He then looks towards his “son” in front of him, only to see him fade into Y/N. Alyssa screams as she falls to her knees. Edward’s timer chimes, as he roars in pain and anger at his failure

“NO. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT” he screams at Y/N’s motionless body on the table. As he stares into the eyes of those before him, he directs his words at Jack

“See you in hell, son.” before he demises away. Hamish and the others run towards Y/N on the table, blood seeping out from her mouth and stab wound. Tears are shed from each person in the room, even Vera. Hamish holds you in his arms, praying that there is a way Y/N can be saved. “You promised me you’d keep safe. You promised me you wouldn’t get hurt” he chokes as tears pour from his bloodshot eyes.

“I...i’m sorry” you stutter, blood quickly spilling as you speak. “I need-“ you’re struggling to speak without choking on your own blood. “I needed to...to make sure you were...were safe” you cough up a pile of blood, as Hamish holds you tighter.

“We need you, i need you” he loudly wails as everyone surrounds you

“I love you, Hamish Duke” you manage to say before coughing even more and gasping for a breath

“Y/N why did you do this” Jack asks as guilt and fear cloud his voice. He grabs your hand and wipes your hair out of your face. His face is completely wet with tears, as well as everyone else’s.

“It’s the only way, to know you’d all be safe” you reply, your voice breaking with tears “and it worked” you half heartedly chuckled

“There’s got to be a way we can save her” Lilith cries out, looking towards Vera and Alyssa. They hang their heads low as their tears drop to the floor. There wasn’t a way, and you knew that. That’s why Vera warned you, but you knew the price you had to pay.

“What...what about a hide? What if that will heal her?” Randall pleads, looking up to his fellow Knights, to which they shake their head. A hide wouldn’t want a dying host.

“I love you so much and I didn’t get to tell you how i felt, Y/N. You’re the one person who makes me smile like never before and we never got the chance to go on dates” Hamish is rocking from side to side holding you in his arms, you look up to him and faintly smile at his confession

“It’s okay” you reply, bringing a bloody hand up to his face as you stroke his cheek with the last of your energy. He cups your hand with his hands, wet with his tears and your blood. His face has lost colour from watching the love of his life dying in his arms

“No it’s not okay. You can’t leave me, i can’t lose you. Y/N don’t close your eyes, don’t you dare close your eyes” he screams as his body shakes violently from shock and tragedy.

“Hamish, i’m alw-“ you’re interrupted from a violent coughing fit, as your face loses colour even quicker. “-always with you” you carry on “i have always loved you, and will till my last breath” you whisper as tears fall towards your pale, cold cheeks. Lilith and Randall are holding each other as Lilith is trying to stop your bleeding. It’s not working though. Hamish leans down and kisses your forehead, lingering for a moment as if he is treasuring this moment for an eternity to come.

“I’m thankful for you all” you begin, slightly lifting your head to see your family around you “you’re all my family, and i love you all so much” as you’re addressing them all, they whimper in pain and grab your hands, squeezing them tightly. Randall kisses your cheek and puts his forehead on yours, leaving a final kiss on your forehead. Lilith grips your hand tighter than ever before, thinking of your friendship and how she sees you as a sister, and to see her sister dying in front of her is something that will always haunt her. Hamish doesn’t want this to be real...he planned how he would tell you he loved you, where he would take you for your first date, the places you two would travel for road trips, the pets you two would get together, where he would propose to you...now he can’t. He never planned on telling you he loved you on your death bed, it’s destroying him.

“Thank you for everything, my family” you mutter faintly as your energy is leaving you. As you see the faces around you, you see what you always imagined you’d see before you die - your family surrounding you. That’s how you wanted it. With that, you smile one last time at Hamish, stroke his cheek with your thumb, then everything goes black and your body becomes numb. Your hand falls to the floor, and the Knights howl into the air with grief, pain and anger. They knew the Order was to blame for your death, and they would not let your death be in vain. You’d always be remembered in their pack, and with every moment they lived, they’d take a moment to think of you, and think of their love for you. How you saved people you didn’t know, and how you did it for them. Hamish never stopped thinking about you, even years after your death. He was different after that, they all were.

Hope you guys liked it! Let me know if you want me to do more and who you want me to write about :) love always 🖤

[loominggaia]

Are there autistic characters in looming Gaia? (I'm high functioning autistic myself! ^^) Also have you read the Stormlight Archive series? Just curious~

Ooh great question! This may or may not surprise people, but I personally imagine Elska as having autism, or at least some kind of centaur equivalent to it.

 Autism is a very broad spectrum, but when you look at the general signs, I think she fits the bill well enough. Autistic people often have trouble making friends and prefer to be on their own. Elska might come off as “fiercely independent”, but if you look at her interactions with others, it becomes very clear that she just doesn’t know how to socialize very well. She comes off as rude without meaning to, she’s super blunt and honest to a fault, and she has this compulsive need to right every wrong she encounters whether it’s appropriate or not.

 In “To Fight the Fog”, she’s never shown playing with other kids or hanging out with her clanmates. She spends most of her time alone or with her father. From a young age, we see she has a very black-and-white way of thinking that she never grew out of, but she’s also quite intelligent and creative. She’s able to think outside the box to solve problems in ways her clanmates couldn’t.

 When she first comes to Drifter’s Hollow, you could chalk up her awkwardness to cultural differences. But in later stories, it’s more obvious she has something else going on, because she’s been living among the villagers for a few years and still struggling with even basic interactions. People just kind of avoid her because they don’t understand her. They assume she’s pissed off all the time but it’s just her demeanor, she has a flat effect when she speaks and an equally flat expression that doesn’t change much no matter her mood. So she’s hard to read and others find that off-putting. She takes figures of speech literally and has a hard time determining when people are just joking with her.

 I understand autistic folks often struggle with sensory issues and controlling emotions. This is definitely the case with Elska as well. There are so many instances in the series where like, she KNOWS she shouldn’t do something, but she genuinely can’t stop herself. Other characters think of her as this dumb, violent brute, but that’s not the case at all. Elska’s actually quite smart, it’s just that her emotions tend to override her logic. Like when she ran off to Kelvingyard on her own or kicked Javaan in the head, she did know better, but she got so overwhelmed by stress in those moments that she had no choice but to act on impulse. Overcoming her own impulsive, rash behavior has been a major obstacle for her throughout the series. She also seems to hate being touched unless it’s on her terms. She flips out when Javaan bumps her with his hip, for example, and he’s totally confused by her reaction. In “Unbreakable”, she mentions she’s repulsed by all things romantic, and I think aside from asexuality she has a serious level of touch-repulsion going on, which is a common sensory issue for people on the spectrum.

 Elska also has a tendency to get extremely fixated on certain things. Like she’ll get an idea in her head and obsess over it to the point that it consumes her life. Fighting the fog, seeking vengeance against the Evangelites, destroying Kelvingyard…these are all things she was unable to let go until circumstances forced her to. Structure and routine are very important to her as well. She takes rules more seriously than anyone else on her crew and gets extremely upset when people break them. She seems to hate when people do things incorrectly in general, like she really can’t stand it when people mispronounce her name. She goes from 0 to 11 real quick about little things like that. Elska is ALWAYS the first one to call people out on their bullshit, even when it’s her own captain.

 All that said…Elska really does strike me as being on the spectrum, but if people disagree that’s totally valid. The word “autism” is never used in the Looming Gaia series, it’s just kind of vaguely alluded to and I try to let readers come to their own conclusions. I don’t think she’s alone on it either, I personally think Jeimos and possibly Mr. Ocean have something akin to autism as well, it just manifests a little differently in them because they’re not only different people, but entirely different species. So their autism may not look exactly like the autism we know in the real world, but the classic symptoms are all there to some degree.

 Sorry for the long-winded answer, I feel like I really have to justify my reasoning because people might be like “bitch what??” lol. Anyway to answer your second question, I haven’t read the Stormlight Archive series but it’s been recommended to me quite a bit! I did read a few pages of the preview a long time ago and it didn’t quite grab me, but I probably just need to give it more time. I might try again in the future.