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dwollsadventures · 3 years ago

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Orcs and Gnolls

Orcs - Another creation of Tolkien's, meant to be a horde of enemies. Digital and regular ink has been spilled in tons about them, their meaning, the symbolism behind them, and the implications of some of their descriptions in-text. Let's not re-hash all of that.

In fitting with old D&D, orcs are supposed to be barbaric monsters found in groups of up to the hundreds. Why? The barbarism is easy to explain at least. Humans already consider other humans barbarians due to cultural differences and a perceived sense of violence and primitiveness within those groups. Orcs would be no different. They live without many of the amenities of (medieval) modern life, so they have to rely on hunting and war, living in relative squalor. But, and this is a big sticking point for this world-building, orcs don’t do slaves. We’ll talk more about this in the culture posts later. Still, why do they arrive in bands to raid people?

This is both a biological and cultural answer: orcs reproduce similarly to other creatures, having offspring in numbers of 5-6. However, the sex ratio is skewed towards males, meaning there's 1 female born for every 5 males. Biologically females orcs are spoiled for choice when it comes to picking a husband, and they cannot have mixed paternities like other animals. Thus they weed out the weaker males by initiating a challenge: go abroad, fight cool people, bring back cool stuff. Bachelors, young and old, leave their homelands to prove themselves and meet the expectations of their potential brides. The further from home one goes, the better they'll appear, right? Most of those young orcs are going to die and their bones will never be brought back. Those that do come back are not guaranteed to succeed and so may have to go on multiple raiding missions. It also incentivizes orc women to see young men as disposable and not worthy of attention or care, since they'll probably be dead in a few years. This strikes something also present in Tolkien's work that sometimes gets left out: the tragedy of the orcs. Just like certain institutions in our modern world, the prevailing cultural beliefs of orcs motivates them to throw their lives away in search of value while the group that controls that value neglect those seeking it. ‘S fucked up.

Gnolls - Gnolls are weird. Since the beginning they've been portrayed as hyena-demon people, but almost nothing about them uses that. The name gnoll is just a combination of gnome and troll. Gnolls are the same raiding, tribal society as goblins and orcs. There are hyena monsters out there in folklore, but everything about gnolls makes them into another large group of evil monsters, rather than the succubus-like kishi or the cannibalistic kaftar.

Instead of changing them irreparably, there is a sort of similar being that can be used as a basis for gnolls: cynocephali. Dog-headed people from old tall-tales about foreign parts. Of course, hyenas aren't dogs, they're members of the feliform branch of the Carnivoran tree, but it's not like they'll actually be called that. In Herodotus' Histories, the cynocephali have a lot of world-building, like that they can't communicate with people via words so they use sign language, and that when the Indian king goes to war they send a legion to go with him, mostly made of archers.

We'll go with this as a basis, and to show something important about gnolls: they can't talk with us. The reason people are so easy to vilify them (disregarding the hyena heads) and why gnolls are so willing to attack people is that there is a massive communication barrier. Gnolls don't have the vocal equipment to communicate with humanoids. Sometimes they're wary, distant neighbors, sometimes they're enemies. And sometimes, they actually get along enough to make a system for communicating with each other and prosper together. Well, together-ish.

We'll talk more about the culture world-building stuff later, but briefly: gnolls were the first big group of monstrous humanoids to spread out. At the same time as the first humans popping up, gnolls came in to antagonize them in their shared homeland of the South.

#orc #orcs #gnoll #gnolls

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mattelektras · 3 years ago

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Hey what are your favourite + least fav x men characters and why im curious i love seeing ur thoughts (also, to make it easier hopefully???, i mean specifically X-Men you do not need to include like the 100+ teams connected to them like new mutants or Excalibur etc)

tbh these are just from. everywhere. a lot of my favs are xforce and sub teams. just mutants in general really

least favs

xavier. hes just a dick like. objectively. hes got no business mentoring young kids with the way he went about treating young scott and young jean. also mr i would never invade someone's thoughts without there permission. and then he DID

beast. just kinda boring like. we get it youre smart and patronizing and blue and furry, what else is there. kurt is the only blue man

havok. i dont like. hate him. i just think he should be made fun of more. mr all lives matter avengers stan. bully him more

deadpool because i hate that some people think he’s a mutant n it irritates me idk

brian braddock sorry betsy ur brother is dull as all fuck. he barely has anything to do w mutants as a whole and it’s like why do we even claim him as one when he ran around calling himself captain britain for so long like. cringe, sir braddock

favs:

storm. like objectively i think if anyone doesnt favour ororo in some kind of way then theyre insane. she has a lot of wonder woman isms in that a lot of people see her as this. ethereal above reproach goddess but shes ironically a very human character. like just the little facts that shes into botany and is claustrophobic etc. and the fact that everyone loves her is because shes a good person, not because she’s beautiful or powerful or perfect in anyway. like she’s loved because she’s earned it and she deserves it. she’s a good friend and a GREAT leader without needing to physically be in charge. shes very open and loving and loyal but is also someone u really only get one chance with?? she has a much smaller circle of incredibly close friends than people would think. idk i love that shes allowed to be both kind and flawed AND hugely powerful

domino. ive gone on about how i love neena a lot before so i wont bore u but she is. genuinely one of my favourite characters of all time from anywhere. she has a persona that she puts up but there's so much in her backstory that no one would expect if theyd only read recent domino stuff. like she really shines in her solos more than anywhere else i cant stress that enough

magneto. if i had to like. objectively pick a best character ever i think it would be magneto. i think superhero comics are best when they SAY something. like not to be all We Live In a Society but if youre not making some kind of commentary on the real world with your good vs evil media concept then what are you doing. and we all know the mutant metaphor doesnt hold up like. ever. but its as close as it gets with magneto because his fictional mutanthood is linked w his real jewishness and its never like. a replacement or one or the other. and one fuels his activism in the other? idk im not sure how to phrase it but i think he embodies what being a MUTANT is about, in universe, not what being an xmen is about. hes so REGAL and smart and so powerful just in the way he carries himself, even when he was depowered. they simply do not make characters like magneto other than magneto. and YES the dilfery of it all

kwannon. i love where her story is going and how much attention theyre giving her since the body divorce. just that shes being allowed to be bitter and resentful of betsy about having years of her life stolen. her learning how to be her own self again and what's her own. also i like betsy just fine but my first intro to ~~~psylocke was the betsy/kwannon mash up and like. for ME. with what i like in characters??? pretty much all of what i liked was kwannon's. the assassin stuff, the sword stuff, her brutality and harder attitude. like u all know my taste in female characters and shes IT. and theres a lot of potential in exploring her backstory

wolverine. unfortunately. i love a little weasel man. He Is My Dad. i think he has such a rich variation of relationships with other people whether it be as a rivalry, romance, friendship, parent etc etc. this bitch contains multitudes!!! i think he as a character has so much bought to him by the other characters around him. likes YES he is a grmupy old man who probably hasnt showered today but hes a very loving person despite everything

angel. this might seem like a wild pick for me but. the concept of a rich pretty boy with seemingly everything going for him being turned into this monstrous apocalyptic razor bird with varying self control is SO GOOD TO ME IDK IDK. like hes very gentle and atypical for a male character in a lot of ways and i enjoy that a lot??? just the contrast of it all. i think there should be more horrific pretty boys

monet. forever obsessed wither attitude and her confidence even when so much of her story is wrapped up in people stealing her identity and the betrayal in that and being controlled by others physically w the penance stuff like. shes been through all of that and is STILL probably one of the most sure of themselves characters out there. her yes i AM the shit actually, better than you attitude, not afraid to be a bitch superiority. ladies i think we should all be more like monet as a rule. her powers just being that shes pretty much better than everyone at everything. also shes just funny as fuck

im allowed to say this because shes in x books on the regular now but selene. i think shes so fuckin cool and maybe this is the wannabe goth death witch from my teenage years possessing my body right now but i LOVE an insanely powerful woman. shes like 20000 years old, shes physically incapable of dying, shes the FIRST mutant and has a very rich backstory. shes a great villain but i think now shes more vaguely xmen aligned with the krakoa situation theres huge amounts of potential with her to be on heroic teams as the untrustworthy but begrudgingly helps out kind of addition. with everyone being like. remember that time you resurrected half of us as zombies and traumatised us all for life and she’s just like. god don’t you people ever move on

#q & a #anonymous

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theundergroundlondon · 3 years ago

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ROMAN BARANOVSKY (RU) VS. OLIVIER FONTAINE (FR)

Roman had been thrilled to find out that he was fighting another Frenchman. After last year’s victory, he had upped the training. It was good on the streets, but it also kept him in shape for the big event - to make sure that the French were put in their place. Stepping into the ring, he scanned his opponent: tall, blonde, cocky. Nothing that Roman had ever dealt with before.

And being placed in the middle, he knew he was going to have to make this a show. It would be embarrassing if people were too bored to watch. So he waited, he wasn’t going to shake the man’s hand, he wasn’t that polite, and waited for the bell

Olivier was fighting a battle of nerves that had managed to wind itself into his core, as his feet planted onto the slightly sprung floor, a bounce to his step as eyes of cerulean blue landed upon his opponent, Roman. Instantly he fell into his usual way of checking around the room, landing upon an array of eyes trained to the both of them, sucking in a haggard breath. When he felt like he had everything mapped in his mind, he tried to centre himself once more. He had something to prove, a title to uphold and many people to impress. Taking those few steps to the middle of the ring, eyes dead on the outside. ‘’Let the games begin, Roman.’’ he calls.

Roman’s eyes narrowed at the Frenchman’s words. He already wasn’t a talker, so he never would have responded even if this was a regular fight; but there was something about his opponent saying his name that just made Roman’s blood boil. He flipped the man off as the fight started, turning the hand into a fist as he threw a punch aiming at the man’s throat.

Olivier managed to scramble back on his feet, dancing now as he hopped from one foot to the other, a beckoning smile taunting as he cocked his head to the side. ‘’That’s all we’ve got?’’ Olivier let himself freely move around the ring; Roman was unpredictable, which was what made this harder than a usual fight that Olivier may have found himself involved in. Trying to watch his body movements to see if there are weak spots; he lunges forward himself, trying to get a hook in, hoping to keep the show alive just a little longer. Anticipation was key.

Roman rolled his eyes at the French man - honestly wishing that he would shut up. His words in that horrendous accent just took away from the beauty of the fight - the art form that Roman had worked hard to become an expert in. Though one of the better things about Olivier being bigger is that it took that much more effort to move. Half a second more to throw a punch, take a step, everything because he had so much more body mass than Roman. He dodged the hook, and threw another punch, aiming for the man’s jaw. With a hit, it would at least get things going, and with luck, it would shut his opponent up.

How could he have missed that, a drop of his right arm and the connection to his jaw was almost instantaneously painful as a sound of air flew from his mouth, he stumbled back just slightly as the spinning room slowly came back into focus and for the first time the nerves were gone from Olivier as the anger ignited deep within the pit of his stomach? This was now pure rage, but amidst that, the pain was there creeping across the side of his face. ‘’Fuck you.’’ He spat spots of blood landing upon the floor. He beckons him with his hand, now purposefully taunting and luring. It took only a few moments as he watched the steps of his feet before he took a lunge, making his first connection with Roman.

He was angry - which was what Roman had wanted. People were more prone to mistakes when they were angry, when they let emotions run their fight. it was a great way to see a person’s weaknesses. They tended to be more prominent when they were acting on emotion. Was it the same for everyone? No. But Roman had fought enough people to see the trend. Roman smirked at the blood on the floor, he always as a fan of making his opponent bleed first.

The lunge caught Roman off guard - he didn’t expect a man of that size to move that fast, but it was a learning experience. Enough of one that he could see what Olivier did and adapt, not to leave that kind of opening again. He felt his nose crack, and the blood seep down, and while he knew that Vika would be annoyed that his nose was inevitably broken. He moved back, walking around the ring for a moment, looking for a weak spot, before quickly turning on his foot, going to try and kick in the man’s knee.

The sound of a crack and the sight of gushing blood gave him the dose of confidence he’d been sourly lacking throughout the day, as he hopped from one foot to the other. In his time training they’d always told him to be light on his feet, for a man of his statue he needed to be able to move around in order to get his attacks in from different positions and angles. Seeing that he’d finally managed to land one on Roman, the crowd was a battle crowd — screams for both their names could be heard from each side. He was sure Evelyne was watching somewhere; he didn’t have time to look.

But his moment was fleeting as he felt the world slip from beneath him as he hit the deck with an almighty crack. His knee was most likely out of place, as cerulean eyes looked for a second and tears welled in his eyes — the pain was almost unbearable as he let out what could only be described as a feral animal growling in the face of danger. He would not cry. Instead he let his mind go his job, there is always a way out, he thought. He saw it straight away like it’d been staring him in the face, Roman’s leg. Reaching out he took no time to grab both his hands around Roman’s ankle as he yanked it from beneath him, the thud satisfying.

‘’If I go down, you come with me mother fucker.’’

How the fuck does this asshole keep talking?

Roman thought to himself, pain radiating through his body as he hit the hard floor. It took a second to recalibrate and work through is body. He didn’t think there were any major injuries, though he was sure to be bruised not that long after the fight. But Roman didn’t care about that. Glancing at his opponent, he noticed the tell-tale signs that Olivier’s knee was dislocated. The man wasn’t getting back up.

It was Roman’s time to shine.

Rolling over, he straddled the man’s chest, and began punching. With the height difference gone, and Roman with the advantage, his aim was the man’s face. It would only be a few more punches before the man was unconscious - and Roman would no longer have to hear his annoying banter anymore.

It only took a few seconds before the weight was on top of him, each hit sending a searing shot through his head, sure enough the damage would be lasting. His knee added to the pain that was mounting up as each second passed, he was grasping for anything he could get his hands on; Roman was prepared and way too powerful. Olivier knew there was no way he was going to be able to get back up on his feet at this point, trapped beneath him and struggling to move. THINK. His mind was screaming as another hit pushed his thought process to halt for just a second, he managed to open an eye that was already beginning to close up. The eyes.

His eyes.

It was like a new lease of life had been poured into Olivier, a new found strength as he reached up with both hands quickly, thumbs heading towards Roman’s face, just one kick move and his thumb had jabbed into the left eye, and the right just a few seconds after. He screamed in anger, pain and emotion as he used every ounce of strength he had left to push inwards. ‘’I hope to god I fucking blind you, you absolute russkaya pizda.’’ Using the Russian language to hurl his insult to the other male.

Roman had assumed that the fight was over. It was cocky, but normally people in Olivier’s position didn’t keep fighting. So when the man’s thumbs were in Roman’s eyes, it took him by surprise. The pain rushed through his eyes, through his brain, and when he pulled away it didn’t disappear. HIs eyes watered and his vision went blurry. And that was the point that Roman knew he had to finish it.

Even with blurry vision, the man’s face hadn’t moved. And Roman’s punches were coming faster, with more intensity. It took a second for him to realize that Olivier was unconscious - that he had most definitely won. Roman got up, but there was something that still stayed with him. The talking, the bastardization of his mother tongue, just the general arrogance of the French. And with an evil, monstrous grin, he stomped as hard as he could on the man’s throat. Hard enough that if there wasn’t damage to his larynx Roman would be legitimately surprised.

Maybe that would finally shut him the fuck up. it was at least worth the shot as he left the man on the floor of the ring.

#fightpara #fightclub31 #olivier fontaine #roman baranovsky

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valkyrieprofilee · 4 years ago

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Listening Guide - Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange

“The concept behind Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange is uncommon yet simple: mixing in-game voice acting with arranged music. It has given birth to a most controversial game music soundtrack that was "epoch-making at the time", according to its composer, Motoi Sakuraba.”

TRACK LIST - (00:59:14)

Listen Here

Note: Although this guide aims to help listeners better enjoy and understand Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange, it is recommended you have prior knowledge of Valkyrie Profile’s story/ knowledge of the Japanese language to enjoy this album to the fullest extent.

READ MORE FOR GAME-OST.COM’S REVIEW

01) REQUIEM TO A PREDICAMENT ~ NEGATIVE ROOTS

The very start of the album sounds almost Baroque-oriented, with the familiar tune of "Requiem to a Predicament" played on an harpsichord. Quickly, the first voice of the album can be heard. Lenneth Valkyrie calls her companions to battle: "Shi no, saki wo yuku mono-tachi yo! / To my side, my noble Einherjar!". At first, the voice sounds distants and feeble, then, as voices from other characters start to gather around her voice, it becomes more firm and the background instrumentation grows in strength. At one point, all the energies have reached their apogee and the transition to the second part of the track is made as Lenneth commands "Ide yo! / Come forth!", unleashing the introduction to "Negative Roots".

That rush gives more room to instrumental action at first, with a solid, rockin' arrangement featuring, where a dreamy synth pad replaces the original flute, and gives the melody much more appeal. Lenneth's voice is heard from time to time, still urging the warriors to fight by her side in the middle of action. At 2:48, the "Requiem..." theme comes back to mark a pause in the middle of the fight. This time, the harpsichord is accompanied by a violin and low drums. These elements, as well as the male voices talking about death, add more gravity to the scene while Lenneth continues to summon more warriors. The drums get louder and louder, and another "Ide yo!" switches back to the dungeon theme, this time shorter, and with even more battlecries. Eventually, "Requiem..." is played for the last time but Lenneth's voice disappears, leaving two isolated voices: a man in great pain and a surprised girl.

I think this track constitutes a good, striking introduction that starts the story where it should. However, it isn't the best representative of the voice/music pairings that can be found on this album.

02) ANCIENT FANTASIES ~ A HOLLOW HEART

The pace of this arrangement has been slowed down compared to the original "Ancient Fantasies", and the leading instrument has been replaced by synth strings, so that it protrudes better. On the whole, it still sounds very similar. That same little girl's voice (most probably Nanami) is asking for Valkyrie to wait for her. The volume and reverb of her voice changes to simulate it becoming more and more distant. Freya's voice is leading, sounding as self-confident and direct as Lenneth was in the previous track. Their alternating voices coupled with fast synth percussions makes me think about the runs my party did into the game's vast dungeons.

The second part of the track starts as the first reaches its maximum level of tension. The brisk beat of "Ancient Fantasies" is maintained while the quiet mood of "A Hollow Heart" gradually sets in with Freya's reassuring voice. As the beat becomes more regular, words are repeated again and again in the background, as if Freya was trying to hypnotize us. This arranged version has a nice soothing effect that is used quite well as a break between two dungeon sessions.

The track ends with the second reprise of "Ancient Fantasies", using the very same quotes as the first one. At one point, a few words ("Waga na - Jougen no Shinri / My name - The Extend of Truth") are looped in the background while Freya continues talking. It is the beginning of the end: obsessional chaos seems to set in as layered voices endlessly repeat the same words...

03) THE CRUMBLING ID

The confusion induced at the end of the previous track couldn't have been better to introduce the ominous tone of "The Crumbling Id". A gigantic, very low noise lurks in the background, as dark sweeping pads and hard drums produce a feeling of despair. The prevailing mood here is anguish; I feel like I'm looking down at a bottomless pit, at something impossible to fathom for me as a human being.

The voices used in this track reflect that state of mind. Sakuraba illustrates "The Crumbling Id" with cries and supplications of a young man ("Ore no negai kanaete kure! / Please grant my wish!") while a girl is bursting into tears in the background. Her sobbing is emphasized by a strong reverb effect, which gives the impression that her voice is overwhelming the soundscape from all directions. The resulting atmosphere is gloomy, intimidating, and almost physically disturbing, as we don't expect the album to take this sinister turn at all after the first two action-based tracks. This is precisely where it really starts to be interesting: it's getting closer to the drama genre, but still has a strong musical dimension behind.

Note that this track is rather short and ends abruptly with a few piano notes. Was it all an illusion?

04) TO THE UNHALLOWED GROUND

By hearing the very first seconds, we know we're back into electronic action. After a few listens, I'm still wondering what the aim of this track might be. We're provided with a hardly recognizable electronic arrangement of the memorable introduction theme of the game. This version has a minimalist harmony, and focuses primarily on the use electronic samples and the building of a danceable rhythm. The impression of being in a nightclub is all the stronger as most of the voices are combat taunts of female characters. Nothing astounding here.

05) OUT OF CHAOS

"Out of Chaos" starts quietly, on a low and suspenseful tone. As Arngrim's self-confident voice introduces us to the heart of the track, warlike synth drums enter the stage to play a primitive rhythm. The voice gets distorted, and the track takes off after a final and provocative sentence ("Huh... taoreru made kirikizamu dake yo / Huh... Just a matter of carving you up till you die").

This arrangement relies mostly on sweeping synths and bass used to create a hectic and surreal atmosphere. Arngrim's reassuring male voice fits rather well in that context. After two loops, the track ends abruptly on his "special attack" taunt: "Teme no kao wo miaki ta ze / I've seen enough of your face".

Simple yet quite good.

06) BOOZE ON A MOONLIGHT NIGHT

"Booze on a Moonlight Night" is the first track of the album that has been exclusively composed for it. It's also the first track of the album to have such a nonchalant atmosphere: the four same chords are repeated from the beginning to the end, backed by slow drum loops quite similar to what can be heard in rap music. In the meantime, you can hear all the male badasses of the game enjoying themselves.

Their inebriation is simulated throughout the track by several elements: the pitch of their voice frequently deepening all of a sudden, the oneiric feel given by the sound of the main synth, the reassuring — almost effeminate — appearance of saxophone solos, the drums sounding heavier and heavier as time passes by. Sakuraba succeeds in building a thorough and realistic picture of your generic tavern, late at night, clouded with smoke and full of tired warriors looking for comfort into alcohol and women.

07) THE FIRST UNISON

There's something hypnotizing about the buildup that introduces this track. The main percussion loop seems like giant machinery put in motion. The way the motif created by all the instruments alternates between ascending and descending motif creates a sound disturbingly close to something that emulates a giant breathing. This organic aspect is reinforced by a few "fat" synth notes added at key-moments in the main loop. Behind this monstrous sound, a man — most probably Gandar — can be heard. His voice is as confident as the machinery's motion is unstoppable. He's the main character, and his laugh is the trigger to the body of this track.

The main melody is quite special: if you imagine it without the percussion, and with a slower tempo, it sounds like a very sad melody. However, forcing its rhythm to a dungeon-compliant pace makes it sound tragic and determined at the same time. According to the quotes that have been chosen, I think that's exactly how the character is like. The dramatic bridge of this track introduces a few battlecries, as well as a quote that will be heard until the end of the track: "Ore wa ore no tame ni ikiru / I live for my own sake". The mechanical drums of the beginning appear again, with this sentence looping in the background. As the end approaches, techno drums, a synth flute, and the man's voice participate in the final buildup.

I must say that "The First Unison" is the first track that left a totally positive impression on me, because it sounds more elaborated and deeper in meaning than the previous others.

08) CONFIDENCE IN THE DOMINATION

Those who already know the Original Soundtrack will quickly notice that the pace of this famous piece of music has been dramatically slowed down, and doesn't sound like a battle track anymore. It's as if it has been stretched to offer enough room to paste sentences inside. A few voice effects have also been added to the backing percussion, including male gruntings; at least that's fun to listen to!

I'm not very convinced about this one, mostly because I can barely stand its nonsensical new pace. Seriously, it's such a sluggish battle theme... *nays*

09) HEADS MAGIC, TAILS CURSE

"Heads Magic, Tails Curse" starts with a nice piano solo introducing the soothing voice of Lenneth, with chirpings in the background. I'm not sure about what the latter are supposed to represent (Birds? Shooting stars? The world of dead spirits?) but they surely add something to the serene, almost oneiric atmosphere of this introduction. It doesn't last long, however. As Valkyrie invites us — almost intimately — to follow her ("Isshioni ikimasho / Let's go together"), the dream ends... and the second part literally bursts in.

Now is that a nightmare or harsh reality? The contrast with the introduction is extremely violent, and we're surrounded all of a sudden by dissonant brass, berserk strings, and aggressive percussion. One thing is certain; what we're facing now outclasses human scale. Lenneth's last words resonate again, yet they are deformed. She sounds heartless, almost commanding. The metaphor is now much clearer; this track illustrates what happens to every character of the game, whose soul is taken at the moment of their death to become an Einherjar, a warrior spirit. From that moment on, their existence is dedicated to fighting demons along with Lenneth, hence that frightening and endless second part.

The conclusion to this track is some kind of flashback to the initial piano and chirping mood, focusing on one of the sentences Lenneth said at the beginning: "Tasuke... tasukeru towa ittai. Dono yo na koto o sase / To save... to save somebody eternally. What kind of thing do you make me do?".

Brilliant.

10) CIRCULATE ON A WINDUP DOLL

This track is a short interlude on the CD, summing up the fight with the dreadful Genevieve. The villain's taunts and laughs can be heard all over the arranged version of her own battle theme, featuring a cool organ improvisation in its second part. As expected, the track ends with a "oh no, I'm defeated!" verbose line, as well as a great organ/violin finale. I don't think it would have been better if it were longer.

11) THE NONSENSE OF REALITY

It all begins with one of these "ultimate showdown" moods: a monster's distorted voice responding to a man's determined voice, the whole being backed my a massive church organ toccata and electric guitar riffs. It all becomes weird when you realize that both voices are saying the same words.

The toccata ends at the 1:11 mark to make place for the body of the track; the fight between the man and his deformed self, incarnated by an rousing arrangement in the tradition of Sakuraba's epic prog-rock style. Battlecries and imprecations are well-integrated this time, both in terms of timing and volume. "The Nonsense of Reality" is the most energetic and epic track of the album. But while its form is very accessible, its contents don't reach great depths.

12) EVIL TALES AND OBLIGATIONS

The first thing one should notice is how the oriental flavour of the original version has been enhanced — and its boorishness put aside — to make the track actually enjoyable. The basic percussion use is still the same, but the samples have greatly improved, and the bass line can now be almost labelled as sexy. Last but not least, the Arabian flute that appears here and there adds a twisted touch to this restless atmosphere. The main character's voice is accompanied by an harpsichord, illustrating its refined cruelty. You've guessed it, the guest star of "Evil Tales and Obligations" is no less than everyone's favourite necromancer Lezard Valeth!

In this track, his evil laughs and his disgustingly confident voice are resonating through the hallways of his tower, reaching our ears as we struggle to reach the summit. A true tribute to evil!

13) THROUGH A THIN HAZE

Staying faithful to the game's spirit, the album continues on a tragic note, representing the death of a hero, illustrated by a grand orchestration of "Through a Thin Haze". More than that, if you succeed in getting into the track, the added voices will find their way to your heart, as they are cleverly used along with the intensity of the music.

A woman's soft voice enters the scene, talking to someone: "Ne, isshou ni iko yo / Come on, let's go together". At one point, her voice becomes tainted with sadness ("Koko ni kure wa anata no ibashio kanjirarerumono / This sunset is something that makes me feel where you are"), and we suddenly understand that the person she's talking to is no more. She continues to supplicate ("Shini takunai! / Don't die!") until she bursts out crying as the orchestra reaches its climax. A beautiful violin and piano interlude follows to back her silent mourning. After that, a strident noise can be heard as pain and fear rush back to her, triggering another burst of tears. Finally, church bells come in after a last orchestral climax, to add a solemn touch to this moving scene.

I'd place this track at the same level as "Epic Tale of a Holy Death" from the arranged album. However, I'm conscious of its hit-or-miss nature; these sobbings and cryings can be considered as annoying and ridiculous as I find them adequate. All is a question of believing in what is happening.

14) BLOODY PANIC

"Bloody Panic" is the second exclusive composition of this album. This one sounds like an ancestor of boorish Gothic metal songs, with its apocalyptic synths and its deep intimidating groans ("Osore, uyamae... waga na ha Bloodbane! / Fear me, worship me... I am Bloodbane!"). At one point, a piano pops in to play a few minor notes that sound like they've been directly taken from these awful 4-seconds-long loops used in cheap rap music.

A few measures later, the track switches back to distorted guitars and Bloodbane's growlings to finish on his long-awaited death. Nothing really interesting here; even if you happen to like that kind of music, I'm sure there are better incarnations than this one out there.

15) THE ROAD TO GLORY AND PROSPERITY

What would be better than the victory tune played at the end of each chapter to conclude this album? This orchestral arrangement is very enjoyable, though rather close to the original version. While the fanfare plays, a small girl's voice can be heard, encouraging us to go on with the adventure ("Watashi wa makenai / I'll never give up", "Watashi o mamori kudasai / Please protect me"). The track concludes after the last cymbal hit, with Lenneth's words "Shiawase ni narimasu yo / I wish you happiness".

In my opinion, the track is well-placed but the arranging and voicing effort hasn't been taken very far. It constitutes a decent ending nonetheless.

SUMMARY

I must say that when starting this review, I had a strong prejudice against the album, having read a couple of negative reviews. However, I hadn't gone through a real listen until I decided to review it. Believe it or not, I ended up extremely satisfied by this musical experience.

What exactly is Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange, then? First of all, its musical material consists of arranged tracks, plus two new ones that don't belong to the Original Soundtrack. But music shouldn't be the main subject of interest here. What makes this album special are the added voices from all the characters of the game. Valkyrie Profile being extremely rich and deep terms of voice acting, what you'll hear won't be only digitalized battlecries; the chosen quotes cover a broad emotional spectrum.

I think that people who listen to that album as any other work that can be played as background entertainment are quickly fed up with it because these voices don't stop begging for their attention. Indeed, it is especially difficult to focus on something else, since the voice acting is done well enough for everyone to be able to grasp the emotions of the characters. I'd say the best approach would be to "live" the album as an orchestrated series of plays, rather than a series of musical pieces with voices over them. The spirit of Sakuraba's work will appear by itself when you consider the characters as the centre of interest of each track. Note that it is not the same as a drama album either, because music is way more than background material.

Should I advise you to get it? It all depends on whether you're a speedy "background listener" or if you are patient enough to actually listen to an album without doing anything else at the same time. One thing is sure, however : the targeted audience is definitely those who are familiar with the game and its story. Having played and enjoyed Valkyrie Profile for at least a dozen hours is highly recommended before you try and listen to the album. Rated 08/10 by Reviewer ~END OF GAME-OST.COM REVIEW~ _______________________ NOTES

- Tracks 6 and 14 were not included in the original game

- Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange is the third album released for Valkyrie Profile, four months after Valkyrie Profile Original Soundtrack and three months after Valkyrie Profile Arrange Album

- Valkyrie Profile Voice Mix Arrange is the hardest to find of the three albums and is best obtained through eBay.

Alt. Track Titles: 01 – Heaven’s Requiem 02 – Long Generations of Anger 03 – Punishment Creed 04 – To an Anxious Earth 05 – Into Chaos 06 – Booze on a Moonlit Night 07 – The First Unison 08 – Confidence in the Domination 09 – Evil Mortals, Holy Divinity 10 – Circulate on a Windup Doll 11 – Responsibility 12 – An Evil Mechanism 13 – Sadness 14 – Bloody Panic 15 – To the Road of Light and Darkness

Catalogue Number: FSCA-10134 Composed By: Motoi Sakuraba Arranged By: Motoi Sakuraba Release Date: 06/21/2000 Published By: First Smile Entertainment

Cast: Lenneth: Yumi Touma Lucian: Nozomu Sasaki Mystina: Wakana Yamazaki Arngrim/Aluze: Hiroki Touchi Lezard Valeth: Takehito Koyasu Freya/Frei: Maria Kawamura Loki: Mitsuaki Madono Yumei, Celia: Hiroko Emori Aelia, Genevieve, Millia, Claire: Ai Orikasa Jelanda: Kae Araki Badrach, Surt: Mitsuaki Hoshino Brahms, Bloodbayne: Kenji Nomura Nanami: Natsumi Yanase Fuyuki: Daisuke Sakaguchi

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oncebely · 5 years ago

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BASIC INFORMATION:

FULL NAME : simeon pyotrvich belskyi. MEANING : simeon, meaning he has heard. MONIKERS / NICKNAMES : none that he allows, as he has never been fond of nicknames. TITLE : prince of bely, boyar of the russian militia, lord of bely.

GENDER & PRONOUNS : cis-male, he / him ETHNICITY : white russian DATE OF BIRTH & AGE: march 21, 1527 ; 32 years of age ZODIAC SIGN : aries --- the sign that marks the beginning of something turbulent. ORIENTATION : does he even know! he was in love w yuri for about 85% of his life, and look how that turned out for him! he’s only attracted to dumbasses, that’s his sexuality. (he’s bi all around, although he is in the firm camp that yuri was an exception and he does not actually like men. this is untrue. he loves men.) MARITAL STATUS : unmarried, looking to cause trouble. >:-) OCCUPATION : prince. lord. CURRENT LOCATION : sasso corbaro, switzerland.

BACKGROUND:

PLACE OF BIRTH : bely, tvar oblast, russia. RESIDENCES : bely, tvar oblast, russia. he has not been back in a number of years. RELIGIOUS VIEWS : none anymore, although he was raised orthodox catholic and still retains a good chunk of cultural views from it. EDUCATION : as firstborn son, simeon was subject to intensive education growing up. he much preferred focusing on strategy and physical activity. a lot of details in his education have been lost; he’s much more of a practical man. LANGUAGES SPOKEN : russian, czech, latin, german, romanian, all well enough ; polish, french, english, italian, all vaguely. he has a much harder time at it than pavel. ALLEGIANCES : in short, none, although this has not always been the case.

the rurik family : simeon has died for the family. he went into a war he believed himself prepared for, and he did not come out of it the same, all for the ruling family. he grew with them, he loved them --- and he firmly believes that they betrayed him, casting him aside without thought or hesitation. and now, the family has become the center of his obsession. he carries such grief in his heart, and he wants to see them all suffer as he has, tearing themselves apart from the inside.

the belskyi family : he lived his life with the idea that he would one day take over bely, that he would step into his father’s place with pride. it has all crumbled around him, and he no longer recognizes the family as his own. there is the smallest care for pavel, but that care rests on a knife’s edge.

the ottoman empire : simeon was lost in a battle against the holy roman empire. he blames both the ottoman empire and the holy roman empire equally for this and cares for neither.

FAMILY :

parents : pyotr belskyi (deceased), anna pavlovna (deceased) --- his relationship was his father has always been complicated, but his mother was nothing but loving and kind to him. he misses her dearly.

siblings : pasha (deceased), patya (deceased), pavel (living) --- simeon was always hard on his brothers, wanting them to be strong to survive in the world. when pasha and patya died, he pulled away from pavel as well. and while their relationship has never been good, pavel is the only one that simeon does not actively seek for revenge.

OTHER FAMILIAL RELATIONS :

step - mother : irina trubetskaya (living) --- simeon has channeled most of his anger toward this one woman, the woman who has taken both the man he loved and his mother’s place. he’s a little obsessed with her!!

APPEARANCE:

FACECLAIM : kit harington. HAIR COLOUR / STYLE : black, tight curls. longer, falling just beneath his ears. he typically combs it back, although, as of late, he lets it go wild. EYE COLOUR / SHAPE : almond, brown. HEIGHT : 5′7″, a short king! BUILD : now thin (used to be a bit stockier), toned. SPEECH STYLE : deep voice, weight on each word. he tends to talk slowly and carefully, and since his return, his voice is much harsher. thick russian accent, never quite mastering other languages enough to cover it. RECOGNIZABLE MARKINGS : at this point, he is absolutely littered with scars. his most notable markings: he has one long scar on his face, along with some small burn marks on his neck. he has several slices on his chest, a stab scar on his stomach and two shallower stab marks on his right shoulder blade. the majority come from his last battle and did not heal as well as they could have, as he was left to fester for several days before being found. BEAUTY HABITS : he bathes more than regular, oftentimes scrubbing himself until he is red. it’s not a matter of vanity; a lot of the terror he has involves dirt, rot, and being buried.

PERSONALITY:

TROPES : the corrupter, byronic hero, driven to villainy, ineffectual loner. INSPIRATIONS : the concept of losing oneself to anger, judas iscariot and the idea of the betrayer, fallen angels (righteous anger, smoldering wings, monstrous ruin), werewolves (lmao), russian wilderness. MBTI : isfj-t --- introverted, observant, feeling, judging, turbulent. ENNEAGRAM : type 1 --- the reformer who has the need to improve. ALIGNMENT : lawful neutral / lawful evil. TEMPERAMENT : melancholic --- perfectionist, self-reliant. HOGWARTS HOUSE : gryffindor. POSITIVE TRAITS : focused, strategic, determined. NEGATIVE TRAITS : obsessive, unforgiving, stubborn. HABITS : sometimes, he just won’t answer, using silence itself as an answer to someone. staring. constantly touching his knife / sword handle, just to make sure it is still there. cracking knuckles. HOBBIES : anything athletic (horseback riding, archery, sparring training), used to enjoy architecture and engineering. USUAL DEMEANOR : cold, harsh, just kind of a dick?

HEALTH:

PHYSICAL AILMENTS : difficulty seeing out of one eye due to the injury that left him with a scar on his face, chronic pain from bones not healing properly, missing part of his right pinky, does not have a lot of feeling in parts of his body. it’s fine. he’s fine. NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION : OOF! intense trauma has left him with intense ptsd. he has dissociative tendencies, including amnesia and depersonalization. a lot of anger issues from it. not in a good spot, mate. PHOBIAS : absolute, horrible claustrophobia that developed after he was rescued. oftentimes, he has to open the window in his own chambers for his peace of mind. he claims not to be afraid of anything anymore; this is somewhat true. ALLERGIES : none that he knows of. SLEEPING HABITS : he will literally keep going until he just drops wherever he is. he’ll then sleep for a solid fourteen hours, get up, and keep going. he hates sleeping. SOCIABILITY : he was never particularly social, much preferring the company of one or two people. now, he really only sees people as pawns in his game of revenge, so ?? maybe more social now!?! ADDICTIONS : when he first started recovering, he drank a lot, as he did not want to be recovering. claudia quickly stopped him of this, and now he is only a social drinker. during bouts of depression, he will fall back to drinking too much. tbh, he should stop drinking altogether, but do you think he cares about his health! no!

#bgtask #a summary of simeon is just the word OOF

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duckyworth · 5 years ago

Photo

Another duo of characters in my 'Mystical, Mythical, Monstrous and Mundane' series I’m reposting from DeviantART to share here :D , this is Abbess Harriet Wedgewood and her angelic companion The All Seeing Eye (or Tase for short).

A reason why I decided to make a heroic religious character is because in media (and sometimes in real life, sadly :( ), I all too often cases of people using religion as an excuse to oppress or harm others, only talking about religion and nothing else and believing they're better than everyone else just because they found religion, when I always though the whole point of religion was to bring people closer together and spread hope in troubled times - at least, that's the most important thing I took away from religious education in school other than learning more about world religions. Also, even though I'm not a religious person, I sometimes like working in some inspiration from religions into some of my works, and in a horror fantasy series like this, like my mad scientist character Srividya Gill, a person of the cloth was pretty much a given cast member. Harriet, despite appearing to be a calm and orderly person, can prove to be extremely excitable and wily nature to her, often being rather gleeful to offer her advice to anyone who wishes it from her.... even if she can be a bit pushy with giving help even when it's not necessarily needed (this is less based on her faith and more on her being a pernickety middle aged lady ). Being a member of her church that can talk to angels directly, Harriet is kind of like a fellow 'talker' of her friend Edgar Bloodworth - while Edgar keeps demonic beings in check and makes sure they're not harming innocents or being harmed themselves, Harriet is in charge of making sure angels aren't going around purging evil without restraint and harming people who don't deserve to be judged or punished. Harriet herself is not without 'vice' - she's happily admitted to sneaking the odd bottle of wine or male model magazine into her home when she's not at work, but she prays that others won't look down on her as long as she's not harming anyone else. Tase's design was partially based off a combination of Peeps from Regular Show , the Ophanim from the Bible (an angel that looks like a flaming wheel adorned with eyeballs) and some of the angel colours from Bayonetta. Harriet's equivalent of Edgar's lifelong friend Stufyng, Tase is an angelic creature whose duty is to seek out evildoers and report their sins to Harriet. However..... he seems to get an odd sort of joy out of seeking out and spying on others, often getting to the point of becoming a Peeping Tom when he.... sees something he shouldn't. Kind of like a supernatural gossip, if you will. Finding humans to be extremely fascinating creatures, he causes Harriet no end of stress with his reporting.... unless its something she takes interest in and has him report to her behind closed doors. Like Stufyng, Tase also has a superpowered form he uses when his friend is in danger, but his is a brightly glowing otherworldly brain with eyes that upon viewing forces those beholding it to confess their darkest crimes..... but some people go to such lengths to contain their dark secrets they can go mad when confronted with their true selves.

#mysticalmythicalmonstrousandmundane #harriet #tase #ocs #oc #abbess #original characters #story concept #repost #duckyworth's art

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belliesandburps · 5 years ago

Note

Kink headcanons for Cadmus and/or Drake?

Cadmus

Like all Saurians, Cadmus has an immense appetite. To fill him up requires enough food to feed about three dozen people. And even then, he’ll always room to spare. Given that he’s a Saurian, in his snake-man form, he can pack away almost three times what he can in his normal form. Cadmus is a particularly unique Saurian in that even in his human form, his jaws can stretch out like a snake. He’s also deeply voracious and predatory, with no qualms about devouring his prey whole.

Another unique element to Cadmus is, like Hakari, his stomach can stretch to immense sizes, beyond what any human with his body frame could manage. But unlike Hakari, Cadmus’ belly can stretch out to accommodate an entire average height adult male. His stomach capacity is enough to stretch out by a solid near-five feet. And anytime he’s beyond capacity, he sits and basks in fullness, sitting on his rump, rubbing and slapping his belly heartily. The squirmier his prey, the better, since he has a VERY strong stomach.

Cadmus is almost never prone to stomachaches. His belly is capable of withstanding almost any punishment, and is stretchy enough that something like a blade won’t even pierce it. However, Cadmus is vulnerable to chemically induced bellyaches, if someone he’s eaten has chemicals or a poison on them. Usually, that sort of thing will cause his gut to gurgle and churn aggressively, leading to Cadmus burping repeatedly, and if it gets too intense, even vomit out his prey. Of course, if that happens, look out, because once they’re outside, if he recovers fast enough, he’ll be PISSED...and anyone who pisses Cadmus off, doesn’t go down in one piece...

It goes without saying, but Cadmus’ favorite meal is his targets. He loves the feeling of his victims squirming helplessly in his belly, thrashing like mad. Outside of that, he’s a huge carnivore, so meat is his second favorite dish, rarer the better.

Far as beverages go, Cadmus’ favorite drink is anything citrus-y. He love especially tart drinks, be them regular juice, soda or alcohol. He has no actual preference so long as the flavor is citrus and tart.

It goes without saying, but Cadmus can let out some real monstrous belches. He’s very prone to eating a lot, and whenever he does, he eats very fast and voraciously, often taking in a lot of air into his stomach which he belches up. His prey tends to make him very burpy as well. The more volatile his prey gets, the more he finds himself burping again and again, usually really big, rolling belches after some rumbling wet ones. Given that Cadmus isn’t 100% pure evil, he doesn’t digest prey while they’re still conscious, so a lot of the times, he’ll belch out all the air in his belly so his prey is rendered unconscious by the time digestion starts. He’s also prone to burping up a lot of digested bones after the fact. Cadmus is incredibly hedonistic as well, so if someone he’s with has any sort of kink, he’ll indulge them. And since he knows to burp on command, he’ll work out some especially big and long ones for his lovers, often letting them rub his belly, whether it’s full or completely empty and get extra handsy to work anything out.

Cadmus doesn’t get hiccups since he has a very strong stomach and is almost incapable of “overdoing it.” It’s the same reason he has no preference with beer since he’s also incapable of getting drunk.

Drake

Drake always had a fairly hefty appetite when he was human. But mutated, his hunger is relentless and frightfully ravenous. He’ll devour anything organic that he can get his claws on, doesn’t matter what or who it is, long as it can fill his belly up.

Drake’s body is concealed behind near exoskeletal flesh. It’s incredibly hard and adaptive, almost like bullet proof body armor and able to bend and adapt to trauma. His stomach bloats out by about four or so feet if he swallows someone whole. But because of how dense his flesh is, his belly becomes drum-tight, both outside and in. Meaning it’s unbearably tight within his gut and doesn’t slosh or bounce at all when bloated. It feels like a literal boulder whenever he’s eaten his prey. Though, most of the time, he doesn’t swallow his prey whole, but rather messily devours them, out of a mixture of violent hunger and even more violent rage.

Drake can’t get stomachaches naturally, thanks to his mutated anatomy. If he stuffs himself beyond capacity, his body adapts and stretches his belly out further to accommodate. The only thing that gives him any sort of bellyache is, like Cadmus, chemicals or explosives. Chemicals can cause him to be sick long enough to vomit out his prey, but he recovers almost immediately. And unfortunately for any involve, if he swallows a grenade, the only thing it’ll REALLY accomplish is make Drake let out a huge, smokey belch, and some slight indigestion.

Drake doesn’t have any favorite food or drink anymore. Literally his only concern is temporarily satiating his hunger by filling his belly with whatever he can sink his razor sharp fangs into. There’s no real satisfaction for him when it comes to eating. Everything boils down to “Full” and “Not Full.”

With how ravenous Drake gets, he tends to belch frequently when he’s really filling himself up. He reacts on pure impulse, so the instant he needs to burp, he just does so. And with Drake, his belches tend to be really deep and guttural sounding. The biggest burps he ever lets out are if he’s swallowed an explosive of any kind, or if the chemicals he’s ingested are having a violent reaction within him. Again, for Drake, it’s not out of pride or satisfaction, but pure necessity. He doesn’t dwell, or sigh with relief or even comment whenever he burps. He just burps and carries on.

He also doesn’t get hiccups of any kind, given his monstrous form and adaptive internal and external structure.

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ladyculebras · 6 years ago

Text

ALL THE WAYS THE PET SEMATARY REMAKE IS BAD

SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY FOR EVERYTHING

1. This movie blames Rachel for EVERYTHING. This is the big main thing that bothers me throughout the film. Rachel is at fault, either directly or subtly, throughout the film.

First off, Rachel is the one who fears death so much she cannot bear to prepare her daughter for the possibility of Church dying, while the original actively had them trying to get Church fixed so he wouldn't wander around so much and thus, less likely to die. This wouldn't bother me so much, but LOUIS is the one who okay talking about death and wants to talk to Ellie about it and wants to not shield her from the truth that Church could die. This...ruins the whole narrative thrust. Louis is supposed to be fearful of death, shying away from exposing his family to it in any capacity, to the point where he avoid any kind of confrontation and causes the whole problem. Louis and his inability to handle death when it hits home is the whole POINT.

But furthermore, Rachel is the one who doesn't want to tell Ellie about Church dying! Louis WANTS to tell her but Rachel convinces him to tell her that Church ran away and tells him to go bury Church in secret. So inadvertently, it's all Rachel's fault. If Louis just talked to his daughter about death, and her dead cat, none of this would have happened. It completely removes accountability from Louis, when that is his whole tragic flaw.

Look this wouldn't bother me so much if Rachel were the main character instead. You want to make it her fault this happens, that's okay! But make her drive the story then! Don't do it as a way to absolve Louis of further responsibility!!!!!!

FURTHERMORE!!!! YES THERE'S MORE. After Ellie's death, Rachel is the one who decides to go away and leaves Louis behind...for reasons. Like yes I understand why she would want to get away from this awful place, but the movie completely cuts out the subplot of Rachel's parents hating Louis, so there is no reason for him not to go. But this also removes Louis actively conspiring to get Rachel to go away so he can go do a bad thing. It's a small thing but a really important thing that means Louis just doesn't come off as badly as he did in the original. The original movie is about grief but it's also about the folly of a man who is unable to let go or listen to anyone around him, and making terrible decisions that he hides from the female members of his family that ruins them all. It's so clearly obvious the male directors did not want Louis to look TOO BAD. Trying to remove accountability from Louis ruins the whole point and the tragedy as well. If Louis doesn't make these choices, if held held back from accepting death because his wife asked him too, how can this be his fault.

2. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE ON RACHEL'S HANDS.

In the original, Rachel recounts her sister Zelda's death in a scene with Louis and explains that she wanted her to die and she felt awful for wanting that. Louis comforts her and tells her she did nothing wrong and her parents were awful for putting her through that. Then insists she takes a valium for her anxiety because LOLZ THE 80s AND CASUAL DRUG USE, MAN.

Here, she tells Louis the story but explains that she ACCIDENTALLY killed her sister, by forcing her sister--who can't get out of bed--to crawl to a dumbwaiter to get her food where she falls in, because Rachel was too scared.to go up to her and give her the food herself. Now, I don't have a problem with this, this doesn't make her a bad person in my eyes, but the change itself puts some responsibility on an EIGHT YEAR OLD KID for her sister's death in a way that the original movie and book didn't.

Then later, reanimated Ellie says YOU PRAYED YOUR SISTER WOULD DIE like it's an evil dark secret that she's revealing. AS IF THATS SOMETHING A EIGHT YEAR OLD NEEDS TO FEEL BAD ABOUT. AS IF THAT MAKES RACHEL ACTUALLY TERRIBLE.

God I hate this change the most because I adored the original for going there with the themes of grief and exploring all the ugly messy emotions involved in grief and not just dead children but prolonged illness. And demonizing those emotions for a cheap shocking reveal at the end is not dark and mature storytelling, its childish.

3. Also holy shit this movie mishandled Zelda so badly. They have Zelda straight up threaten Rachel and say she hated her and she was going to end up just like her. Her NEVER GET OUT OF BED AGAIN line is an actual threat to her. It was a weird demonization of an ill woman, when the original was already sketching the line in its portrayal of meningitis, but this was so much worse. Those words are manifestations of Rachel's anxiety!!! THEY ARE NOT ACTUAL THREATS. IT'S JUST RACHEL THINKING HER SISTER MUST HATE HER.

The whole scene is played for weird jack in the box jump scares instead of the existential horror of watching your sister be ravaged by disease when you are too young to understand what that is.

4. Ellie is this weird perfect angel child, and it bothers me. In the original story, she's scared of the pet sematary at first. She has a great speech about how Church is her cat, not God's cat, he can't have him! She cries and storms off and throws tantrums and says SHIT. She is a regular kid, basically. In the book, she actively annoys Louis! Here, she's just...boringly perfect. Everyone loves her. She never gets angry. She never cries. She doesn't even seem upset when Church attacks her. Jud is enchanted by her, literally saying he is under her spell, WTF. This wouldn't be so bad in general, bad writing for a child but not necessarily awful, but it bothers me the most here because it's all set up for when Ellie dies and comes back as a total monster. Ellie cannot actually be her own character but a pedestaled symbol of a child for Louis to cry over, and for the audience to feel horrified by when she returns as a shell of herself. At least when the original did that with Gage, it made sense, because he is a TODDLER and they have no real personalities. We as a whole tend to over idealize babies and the only thing you can really do with Gage narratively is make him a symbol.

5. Speaking of Zombie Ellie, I wanted to be open to the whole Ellie dies and comes back thing! I hated the idea of it initially but I was hoping it'd be interesting. I liked the beginning, with Ellie being set up as fascinated and drawn to the pet semetary to begin with, and I was kinda hoping the movie would follow her pov instead. After all, I love a good monster girl story and I was really intrigued by the idea of Ellie being AWARE she's been reanimated, and angry about it, upset about it. But tbh, I think the movie in general seemed to go with the idea that Ellie is not Ellie at all but the wendigo, acting through her.

But it was BAD, partly because the actress was not good--not her fault she was given poor direction and shitty material and she's just a KID--but also partly because these dudes just don't know how to write women and don't know how to write girls and didn't really grant the reanimated Ellie any actual humanity or depth. She existed to torment those around her, like she was seeking revenge, rather than coming back wrong as something monstrous like child Gage in the original. She came off as a generic creepy girl child who was possessed.

HONESTLY just having Ellie speak was a terrible idea. I sort of get what they were going for, after all,in the book, undead Gage speaks and knows things he should not know, and Elie as an avatar of...the wendigo *TAKE A FUCKING SHOT* would do the same, I get that they were doing that. But oh god the batman voice they gave her and the terrible lines sounded so OFF. She would have been creepier if she didn't say anything or at least, spoke in a regular little girl voice. It would have been creepier if she was clearly not Ellie and Louis didn't care--they kept going so back and forth on Louis in these scenes, first he is scared of what he brought back and uncomfortable with her and yelling at her, but then he is all HUG YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!! GOD CAN HAVE HIS OWN CHILD!!!!! And then he is back to wanting to kill her. But honestly, I don't need the movie to have done things my way, just...not this. This was terribly executed.

6. Speaking of, they were doing some weird...psychosexual Elektra complex with undead Ellie and Louis. First the shot with both of them in the bed together is mirrored earlier with a shot of both Rachel and Louis in bed together....okay then. I mean. That doesn't mean anything. Maybe I am just misinterpreting. But then Ellie is like SHE DOESNT WANT ME HERE AND I DON'T WANT MOMMY HERE (but she still...reanimates her...for reasons. Why. I don't understand).

Then Ellie attacks Jud and wears the face of his WIFE TO DO IT and torments him like that.

Why. Why would you do this. I hate these writers. These are the worst choices.

7. THEY GAVE ELLIE'S PSYCHIC POWERS TO GAGE I'M SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS.

8. This movie legit single perfect tears Louis during Ellie's funeral. Are you kidding me. A single perfect tear. FOR REAL. THIS IS A MOVIE ABOUT GRIEF.

9. A lot of the promo material before the movie came out made a big deal about staying truer to the book than the original and it being an adaptation of the book, not a remake of the movie. Sure, but they barely do anything with wendigo and I'm kinda glad, because the whole INDIAN BURIAL GROUND is a bad trope and King's depiction of the Wendigo is soooo wrong and misinformed and terrible but like..this movie didn't do anything with the mythology except name drop it.

10. I AM ACTUALLY MAD THEY MADE CHURCH EVIL. Like this is nitpicking I know but! In the book, Church (and the reanimated dog) isn't actually evil, he's a zombie. Hes described as not quite how to be a cat anymore. And even in the movie, Church doesn't do anything sinister. He only attacks Louis and who could blame him, and he never hurts Ellie at all. She still sleeps with him in her bed. So I am honestly annoyed they had Church actively attack Ellie jklasfasda

11. Oh my god let's talk about Pascow. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE THEY DONE TO PASCOW. They completely neutered him and made him just a generic ghost, for the most part. Pascow is cheerful in the original, while also being creepy yet relatable. You can really emphasize with his sheer helplessness to stop the tragedy from unfolding. But none of that comes across here. Maybe they wanted to maintain the completely SERIOUS tone, but ultimately Pascow is supposed to be a soothing presence. He is there to remind people that death isn't evil and something that needs to be accepted. He isn't supposed to be there for jump scares, and then completely disappear for the most part.

12. Also the optics of casting a black man for Pascow , and then completely and grotesquely fucking up his face so bad his brains are exposed in his scenes...while Ellie also gets hit by a truck and she looks completely okay, like a perfect corpse angel is just. Gross and bad and racist and sexist ALL AT ONCE, AMAZING.

Like look, I don't WANT to see a mutilated gored up child, sure, but it's so shitty that both these characters get hit by trucks and the black man looks like....he got hit by a truck but the white child looks fine. She looks fine. Her head is stapled and her eyes are a little mismatched but fine.

13. THE EDITING IS SO BAD. It feels like they couldn't WAIT to get to the ending fast enough so scenes will literally smash cut to the next right in the middle of an action. There was a moment where Church is hissing and then it just CUTS immediately in the middle of hissing, he doesn't even get to finish hissing! Just cut to the next scene! There is no lingering on a moment to just process. Things just happen.

14. The story of Timothy, the person who was brought back one time, is just a footnote in this movie. It's barely relevant. That was a such a great creepy moment that underscored the whole movie and it's themes, and it's just gone.

15. Why is Jud so creepy. He literally looks at Louis and the family from a distance and ominously smokes a cigarette and he's so mysterious for no reason and even his first meeting with Ellie he yells at her and then is like WHAT, CAN'T YOU READ about the pet sematary sign. WHAT ARE THESE CHOICES. For a moment I thought Jud would be evil but no he's just weird and creepy for reasons? The movie sacrificed his and Louis' relationship to build one with him and Ellie, which is cute but also kinda bothers me because it's really to just make Ellie look like she is SO IMPORTANT TO JUD and that's why he tells Louis how to bring her cat back and it's…weird. Jud seems overinvested in the family and kids that aren't his rather than like,being friends with them all.

Jud is CHARMING. You fall in love with his kindly old man gentleman nature. He feels like everyone's grandpa. He is warm and delightful and it's such a shock and horror when he dies in such a brutal way. Trying to frame him in shadow with an ominous cigarette reduces the warmth of the character for no reason!

Furthermore, Jud's warmth is meant to obscure that he's ultimately rather weak himself, in character, just like Louis. He's not entirely at fault for the events but he cant help himself in telling Louis about burying church, rather than implying that the dark power is literally ensnaring him to make Louis do it jaksfsadfasdfa

16. LOUIS LITERALLY DRUGS JUD LIKE A DATE RAPIST WHAT THE FUCK

17. Guys, you can't just turn on a fog machine on your set and say you're an atmospheric movie. HAVING FOG IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR GENUINE DREAD.

18. The ending is just bad. I REALLY WANTED TO LIKE zombie family but its filmed like for cheap shock, rather than genuine horror. I love dark endings, but it didn't feel like a tragedy the movie should be, it just felt like the hand of the writers were trying to do a different ending to say SEE THIS IS DIFFERENT! LOOK AT HOW DIFFERENT AND DARK WE ARE. I just...hate the whole framing. I love the idea of the whole family being reanimated but I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY. Ellie wanted to torture them like she is being tortured? That's a great concept but it's not really a thing in the movie. You can't tell if Zombie Rachel or Zombie Louis feel any kind of horror or torment at their own state, which undercuts the whole reanimation.

Ok in the interest of being fair, here are some things I liked.

1. I do genuinely love Ellie in this movie at the beginning. I liked the idea of her being drawn to the cemetery. I really liked the scene where Louis is giving her a bath and he sees the staples from the autopsy. I loved the bits when it was sort of suggested that even she didn't know why she was back and where she had gone and did not understand why she could feel the woods inside her. I wish we just expanded on that more.

2. Church. Church is great. Church is always great. Best cat, did no wrong. This movie did not kill the cat off for good, so that is a bonus.

3. There's a moment where Louis is trying to justify bring Ellie back to life and Rachel is just staring at him agog and horrified and Louis is wild eyed and shaking and it's the most terrifying moment in the movie for me. Not Ellie or the wendigo, but LOUIS, having completely lost it and not giving a shit that he has an undead monster daughter right now. SO GREAT. The movie undercuts it later by having him realize he ~needs to kill Ellie~ again and like...no, go full steam ahead with that.

4. SOME SHOTS LOOK GOOD I GUESS

In conclusion MEN ARE DUMB AND SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN WOMEN'S FILMS TO REMAKE

#anti pet semetary #pet semetary spoilers #sometimes dead REALLY IS BETTER

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braincoins · 7 years ago

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La Mante

French serial killer drama on Netflix (it’s a Netflix Original, so I assume it’s on all countries’ versions). Review - with spoilers - under the cut.

TL;DR - misgendering, transphobic bullshit, bad interpersonal relationships, but an interesting story underneath all of that if you can put with all of that AND half-assed subtitles. Also, lots of blood.

First off, let’s get the trigger warnings out of the way: gore, blood, violence, sexual violence, child sexual abuse, misgendering, and transphobia.

THAT’S RIGHT, TUMBLRFOLK! Our serial killer is a trans woman! And not in the “Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs” kind of way. You can make some vague and lame excuses for him because the movie says he’s not actually trans, he just thinks he is because he hates his own identity.

No, no, no, our killer this time has been presenting as a girl since her childhood, for which her father brutally beat her. She was denied sex change surgery when she was older (for reasons that aren’t explained - her violent tendencies?), so she went to a quack who so badly botched her vaginoplasty that she nearly died from internal bleeding. And now, every time a man rejects her sexually because of her... “peculiarity,” as she calls it, she kills them. BUT WAIT! IT GETS WORSE!

Because the police - our good guys, for whom we are supposed to be rooting - consistently misgender her, either outright using male pronouns or alternating between she and he. Now, this being said, I am willing to believe that it’s bad subtitles. Because the subtitles? Ain’t that great here.

British spellings, but those aren’t errors, just something to keep in mind if you watch (”tyre” isn’t an error when it’s British!). Numerous typos (”her” instead of “here”), dropping of entire words, either in the translation (there should be a “has” here or that sort of thing) or just not bothering to translate (I’ve heard characters’ names said without that name showing up in the line, which isn’t that critical, all things considered, but given the rest of the subtitle problems, it’s annoying). Also, at one point well before the killer’s gender/sex/identity is established, the subtitles use the female pronoun for her. Just once! And then they swap back to male pronouns while we’re still trying to figure out who this dastardly killer is. I dunno, maybe it’s just whoever’s doing the subtitles that’s misgendering her?

At one point, the concept of “the origin of all evil” is brought up by our killer, and it’s pretty obvious (or it was to me, anyway), that she’s referring to her father and Jeanne’s father. No, wait, let me back up.

You see, the plot here is that we have this copycat killer running around imitating the crimes of the famous Mantis (La Mante), Jeanne Carrot or, as most people know her, Jeanne Deber. (Her real surname is not pronounced like the orange vegetable bunnies nom, but I can’t help reading it that way.) You see, she was willing to plead guilty to her murders if they changed her name for court and the press, in order to spare her young son, Damien, the notoriety of being a murderer’s son.

But she offers to help catch the killer so long as her son is leading the investigation because it’s been 25 years and he’s been telling everyone she died in a plane crash. Working this case digs up a lot of secrets and a lot of skeletons - some of them literal. Damien doesn’t want to have anything to do with this woman who killed 8 (or 9?) people. He doesn’t want to be related to her. He wants a normal life. (Though he picked the wrong job for that - working as an undercover cop for narcotics? How is that normal?)

Damien hates his mother. His mother hates her father. His mother’s copycat hated her father and hates any man who rejects her, etc. etc. Damien’s father turns out to have been a decent guy.

I can’t help feeling like the moral here is “Evil fathers turn their daughters into monsters, but the most monstrous mother can still raise a good son.” Which... is not true at all? It seems more like smokescreen feminism than anything else. “Look, our evil females are actually doing good in the world because the justice of MEN have let them down!” Um. They’re killing people.

Granted, Jeanne only killed men who abused their wives and/or children or raped women. But she still killed them, and took pleasure in it. She never, at any point, denies that she enjoyed it. She’s also very smart, very methodical, and she knows she belongs in prison for the rest of her life. Killing is just... one of the things she does with her time, like eating or sleeping. It’s just a reality of her life to her.

And, granted, both Jeanne and Camille’s fathers are evil sons of bitches. We can argue forever about whether they deserved their fates. But their crimes against their wives’ and daughters’ bodies - one way or another - warp their fragile, beautiful daughters into murderous psychopaths. Meanwhile, Damien has had violent fits of rage since his mother was arrested, for which he requires medication. He is actively afraid of becoming a father because he doesn’t want to pass on his “murderous” genes. Because, clearly, his violence comes from his evil mom, right? We never get any resolution on Damien’s own psychiatric problems, so it sort of seems pointless to bring them up in the first place?

I also don’t understand how Damien came around to loving his mother. Sure, she willingly risks her own life to save his pregnant wife, but he wanted to protect her and save her from Camille during that whole exchange. Meanwhile, in the previous 5 episodes, he downgrades from violent hate to paranoid distrust. That’s it. And then suddenly a serial killer says, “Hey, I’ll take your mom in exchange for your wife,” and he’s conflicted? REALLY? Why?

She’s a confessed and proud killer. She poisoned her guard and escaped. (Granted, she also told him what she poisoned him with so he could tell first responders when they arrived; she didn’t want the guard dead, she just wanted him out of her way.) She blatantly inserted herself into her son’s life against his wishes just to please herself. This investigation has rattled Damien’s entire world to its foundations, but suddenly, out of nowhere, he loves her again? There just doesn’t feel like enough time for that to have happened.

If you can set aside the transphobia and the interpersonal bullshit, it’s a good, solid crime drama. They throw a couple of really good red herrings at you in the beginning. I figured out who the killer was pretty quickly after those, but it was interesting to watch it unfold. Damien’s wife, Lucie, and, of course, Jeanne are the two more compelling characters in the show. Too bad we spend most of our time with Damien, who’d rather keep the secret of who his mother and bully his team into doing what he says than fess up and work the case properly. I spent the first half of the show saying, “JUST. TELL THEM. ALL OF THEM. Tell Lucie, tell Szofia, tell Achille, tell EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO YOUR MOM IS FOR FUCK’S SAKE.”

Also, Szofia. I like Szofia. But she gets a LOT of shit from the show, and I don’t know why? She’s a female Damien, aside from the mommy issues. Oh wait, let me guess: only male characters can be driven and aggressive. Ugh. She’s pissed that she got passed over for team lead by someone outside of their precinct (Damien - because, again, she doesn’t know why he’s leading the investigation since no one will say “Hey we’re working with the original killer to help catch the copycat but she wants her son leading the team or else no dice”), she’s pissed that she’s constantly being lied to (again, by Damien, who won’t just ‘fess up), and she’s pissed when the first suspect suddenly seems to know everything about her personal life - including the existence of her son.

Everyone treats this like, “Yeah, we get it, but settle down, Szofia, jeeze,” and I’m sitting here like, “No, you clearly don’t get it because you wouldn’t be acting like that if you did. IT’S FUCKING CREEPY.” I think it’s supposed to be because they’re cops and they’re all tough? But Damien flips out on a regular basis (but we can blame murder mommy for that, right?).

Also, cops who touch EVERY GODDAMN THING. Do they not take fingerprints in France?

Anyway, it’s a compelling story, the acting’s good, but the way the characters are portrayed is just SHIT.

(Oh wait, I also forgot the part where Damien finds out his childhood best friend is literally his brother (well, half-brother) and even though they’ve been separated for 25 years and even though he thought the guy was the copycat killer and EVEN THOUGH he found out the guy has been SPYING ON HIS HOME, he shares one beer with him and then is just a sobbing wreck when the guy is killed. Damien’s emotions spin on a goddamn dime.)

#La Mante #Netflix #like... 1.5 stars?#YOU CAN DO BETTER PEOPLE

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clown-bait · 7 years ago

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29 Neibolt ST (Monster Roommate AU)

Alright I’m just going to start posting this anyway since I have so much of it already written. This is my first venture into writing so go easy on me. Im normally an artist not a writer. I’ll intro my OC too she’s a grungey stoner girl going through some big changes. Those changes being that she’s slowly turning into a nosferatu style vampire. She “Dropped out” of bartending school, dumped her abusive ex and moved to Maine where she found out that every monster in the world had the same idea. Eventually she moves in with everyones favorite clown and feelings start to happen. This chapter is just intros really smut and romance is coming. Mostly a parody humor fic with horror and romance thrown in. There is lots of gore, NSFW, drug use, alcohol, death, swearing, and violence. So you’ve been warned. Chapter 1 The Contract She had been there for a month now. Somehow she was still alive, and living amongst monsters. “You know…It’s not that bad mom, the house is a bit old but it’s charming you get used to it after awhile.” as she says this a chunk of the Old Well House’s ceiling falls onto the ancient dining room table. She flinches a natural reaction left over from humanity’s days as a prey animal but she recovers quickly mostly unfazed. “Visit? Oooooh no, no, thats not a great idea. Roommates are a bit quirky you wouldn't like them.” she said into the phone. Quirky was a massive understatement. She opened the fridge and let out a groan of frustration at the severed head and arm sitting on top of her tupperware. “that son of a bitch” she whispered “Hey mom call you back, kitchen trouble. Love ya.” she hung up the phone and shouted “ALRIGHT WHO’S IS THIS?!” her voice echoed through out the old decaying house. She was met by heavy breathing and guttural grunting the kind you would hear in a horror movie sound clip. She turned to the doorway towards the owner of the sound, a hulking behemoth donning a butchers apron. He’s covered in old blood soaked handprints and his signature mask made of the leather from a human face. “What the hell Leatherface you have your own fucking fridge for this shit” she stated unafraid. Now one would be wondering at this point why is this girl so relaxed? Why has she not died of a heart attack or been murdered by these horrible housemates. This clearly wasn't your average college drop out living situation, not by a long shot. No my friend, this is the story of a human who literally lived with her monsters and in the process became one herself. But the only thing you need to know right now dear reader, is that Lucy Smith never turned down a good deal. It all started when she wanted to get out of the city. Adam and our dear Lucy had just broken up after being her high school sweetheart and boyfriend for 5 long years. It happened at the end her second to last year of college, he had become an absolute monster and she was done with his shit. Lucy wanted to get away. Away from everything that reminded her of him and the life they had shared together. “I’ll go to the other side of the country,” she thought “as far as possible I’ll go to fucking Maine.” When she found the house it looked abandoned. “Fucking hell this must be a fake ad or something. No way this place is inhabitable.” she groaned but there was a small sign in the window of the house on Neibolt Street that read “Room for Rent” in badly drawn red ink. “Wellp I got nothing to lose anyway, either I die via whatever serial killer is squatting here or the drinking will get me later.” She had next to nothing other than a car, her belongings and enough money for three months worth of rent. This really was her only option. As she walked by the sun flowers haphazardly planted in the front yard in some sad attempt to make the house look pleasant, the front door creaked open on its own. “Yeah I’m definitely going to get murdered.” she mumbled. Lucy stepped cautiously in the doorway “Um hello? I’m here about the room?” something scuttled on the floor above her, it sounded like the pitter patter of children’s feet. Lucy’s heart began to pound her blue eyes wide now and her senses heightened. “Anyone?” she called out into the decrepit house. Lucy made her way to the window and picked up the for rent sign clutching it tightly to her chest. She was an avid horror fan, and she was no idiot. This house screamed ghost murderer she began to step further into the house when suddenly the door slammed shut. “FUCK” she shouted trying to pry it back open but it wouldn't budge “ALRIGHT ASSHOLE” she yelled “I’m fucking done with this game! You going to discuss the room with me or not?!” a door in a different room had creaked open and Lucy could have sworn she heard the faint sound of bells. “This isn't funny bitch” she yelled nervously searching for an exit “be brave be brave be brave” she whispered to herself. Down the hall she heard footsteps from something large they seemed to be dragging across the floor. Fucking hide you idiot her brain told her she quickly and silently bolted to the kitchen, almost on the verge of tears now cursing herself for even getting into this situation. She frantically searched the room for something to hide in and a half open cabinet caught her eye. She made a dash for it when she hear the jingle again this time louder and coming form the basement of the Well-house. She reached for the rotting door and screamed when something grey and furry leapt out at her. It smelled almost dead and its eyes were lifeless and faded. The creature was a very pissed off dirty grey cat. “Holy shit little guy” she managed to say. The cat darted off into the house and Lucy let her guard down slightly breathing a sigh of relief, only to turn around to meet a twisted smile with long fangs and glowing yellow eyes. Suddenly the demon clown shot a gloved claw out around her throat. Lucy passed out from sheer terror, dropping the for rent sign on the ground next to her. ___________ Lucy awoke to voices, they were twisted and clearly agitated. Their tones were enough to make someones skin crawl. Her thoughts were foggy and her head ached from hitting it on her way down. She moved to rub it but she found she was tied to a chair, she thrashed a bit in a sad attempt to escape. the girl knew knew it wouldn't work. She was frail and malnourished looking, a text book punk kid in flannel and a stupid t-shirt that had a skeleton hand holding up the cliche devil horns. She wasn't getting out of this. The voices began to sound clearer now she had yet to open her eyes but she could hear what the owners were saying. “We can’t just kill her we need the money.” “She’s fucking human Tiff, just let the clown and the big guy fight over her meat!” “We’re about to lose the house babe! This is the best place we've had in years!” “You know the rules no regular humans allowed in our society.” “Leatherface is human!” “PFF barely,” “Will you two PLEASE stop bickering for 5 seconds!” “Oh you wanna finally join us Jingles? Because you've been sitting there drooling for the past five minutes while we've been trying to figure out what to do about YOUR house.” “DO NOT CALL ME JINGLES, DOLL!!!” Lucy opened her eyes, light stung them at first and her vision adjusted. She gurgled out a moan of pain and the room suddenly went silent. Across from her were two dolls one a pretty blonde girl doll with dark makeup the other a boy haphazardly stitched together in a terrifying way. “What the fuck” she mumbled turning to look behind her, she heard heavy breathing that coming out so deep they almost sounded like moans. The monster towered over her and most horrifying of all he wore the skinned face of a dead woman. Lucy quickly turned away to finally find the other inhabitant pouting in the corner, the evil clown from earlier. He was tall, lanky and had a giant forehead with fluffy orange hair twisting around like cotton candy. The clown was staring right at her with a terrifying hunger in his eyes, like he could smell her fear from across the room. She tried to soak it all in. This isn't happening this isn't real. Oh god I'm going to die here she thought. Then, something deep within Lucy’s mind snapped. She began to laugh. Her laughter was a mix of hysteria and horror it was insane and manic. “Wellp I’ve finally lost it.” she thought to herself as her cackling died down. The monstrous flatmates stared at her slightly confused by her reaction. “Well that the first time I’ve made that kind of impression. Thought makin' them laugh was your thing jingles.” the boy doll mused The clown let off an inhuman warning growl and the doll grinned wickedly. “Y-youre all r-real.” Lucy stuttered starting to slip into insanity. “Careful who you say isn't real around here toots, Jingles over there tends to get real triggered about that subject” the male doll quipped “Are you done insulting me yet? You disgusting excuse for a child’s toy.” the clown hissed “Not on your life chucklefuck.” “Chucky! Can we please focus on the girl!” the dolls female counterpart snapped “Sorry pumpkin, they've been having a bit of a dispute ever since the clown left a huge pile of drool outside the fridge yesterday morning” she turned to Lucy who now was a mix of terrified and utterly confused. “I was very hungry and couldn't decide what to eat!” the clown pouted “YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE PANTRY FULL OF DEAD CHILDREN IN THE SEWER DO YOU EVEN NEED TO EAT ANYTHING ELSE?” Chucky shouted back at him. “Wow that hurt. I don't just eat children you know” the clown mocked being struck in the heart followed by a sharp glare. The silent behemoth behind Lucy had decided enough was enough and banged on the counter next to him. All in the room went quiet. The female doll sighed “Well if you two are going to be children about this I’ll make the decision for us. Alright look hun. We’re in a bit of a pickle and we need an extra roommate or Penny here is going to lose the house. Then well all be shit outta luck, especially you sweetheart. So I’m givin ya two options” she looked at the grumpy killer clown who huffed and finally nodded giving the female doll permission “One, you take the room. You will live here as the fake owner so the town doesn't try to reclaim the house and tear it down. Or two…. you die.” “And if I don’t want either?” Lucy questioned giving in completely to this new terrifying situation she was in. All the inhabitants in the room smiled wickedly. The clown stepped forward and grabbed Lucy’s chin forcing her to look into his golden predatory eyes, they were slightly out of alignment as if he was barely managing to keep control of himself “You can try to run kitten, but in a house full of monsters” he grinned his smile sadistic with a sprinkling of insanity “I promise you wont get far.” he inhaled sharply as if sniffing a freshly cooked meal before taking a bite. Lucy swallowed her fear and insanity pushing it down deep within her. “I’m a fucking survivor and I’m not going to die in some rotting haunted house.” She thought to herself. The clown growled and shoved her face back roughly as if offended by her sudden burst of bravery. “How much is rent?” she stated cool and suddenly collected.She wasn't really but the girl was no stranger to putting on a brave face. The group turned to the clown who was suddenly put on the spot “….$450” “Fuck that. Does this crackhouse even have running water?” she spat. “Watch your filthy little mouth!” the clown growled. She had obviously hit a very sore spot. A weakness she smirked. “$300” she haggled. “Just for that remark, five” the clown sneered in her face again, he was so close she could feel his breath on her nose. “You cant go up you fucker” “How much is your life worth to you little human” “About 300 bucks a month, clown.” “Four.. not including utilities” he smiled like the devil himself. She broke. “Look if you don’t kill me then my ex probably will. Im dead either way. Probably safer with a bunch of monsters than with that psycho, so $350 with utilities and I wont call the cops and make sure people stay away from your place. You all obviously want to remain here in secret so I keep my mouth shut about what you are and you give me a cheap place to live and start over. I honestly don't give a shit if I'm living with demon dolls and cannibals. I just want freedom from my old shitty life and my old shitty ex.” she stared back into the clowns eyes in pure defiance. Blue and gold bore into each other in some unseen battle. Few have ever done this to him before and were allowed to live. Finally the clown broke the stare he was a bit thrown off. “I’m not a cannibal I'm not even human you disgusting Leech.” he mumbled. Clearly the demon clown had a pride issue. “Wait call the cops? Ah shit Chucky you forgot to take her phone???” the Tiffany yelled at the male doll. “You didn't fucking tell me too! I thought we were going to kill her like we do with all the humans that wander in here!! Didn't see the fucking need but apparently were all going soft because Buck Tooth McForehead over here is worried about foreclosure!” “You idiot! You never listen to me!!!!” she screamed and lunged at him. The clown rolled his eyes at them, apparently this happened a lot. “Can you guys please take this to the bedroom, since I know where this is going and I really don't want walk in to find you making up on my sofa again.” Leatherface who had been mostly silent had moaned and covered his eyes clearly grossed out at the thought. “FINE were leaving! Tell us when you two kids make a damn deal instead of eye fucking each other for hours” Chucky shouted from the floor his wife’s hands around his neck. “Ew what the hell man we weren’t…” Lucy began but was cut off by an eruption of anger from the clown. “GET OUT.” the clown roared.They stood up and Chucky took his wife’s hand in his and Tiffany gave Lucy a wink as she left. “what the hell was that-“ Lucy started. “Ignore them” the clown interrupted once again. “Ok but like what did he mean by-“ “Ignore them” She turned her attention again to the tall murderous, inhuman apparently, clown. Who was clearly extremely annoyed with the whole situation. “So we have a deal clown?” “Pennywise” the clown said. “PennyWhat?” “I have a name and its Pennywise… The dancing clown.” “You dance?” “Not the point.” “Can I see?” “No.” “I thought clowns liked to preform.” “Are you finished?” “Maybe.” Lucy fired back at him. The clown was not used to this amount of sass from such a small frail looking thing. She could certainly run her mouth. It reminded him of a very specific boy that had smacked him in the head with a baseball bat all those years ago. He knew he was going to hate this human, but he had little to no choice in this. The Well-house was apart of him and desperate times call for desperate measures. He decided to wait to kill her when she tries to move out. It'll happen eventually anyway, after all this human will be living amongst monsters, horrible abominations true living nightmares! No normal sane human would be able to last long in this situation. And then he will enjoy feasting on this small thing’s flesh. Biting into her pale skin hearing her cry out in fear when he turns on her. Oh yes her sweet, delicious, beautiful fear. He'd inhale her scent and burry his nose into her bleeding flesh licking the wound in her neck. Those big blue eyes wide in terror as the filthy leech rose up finally floating. Her short platinum hair swirling around her frozen face. Beautiful, intoxicating, delicious, alluring, all mine, mine, mine, MINE- he woke himself from his trance his eyes had drifted apart and he was drooling immensely. She was staring at him waiting for him to say something. He mentally cursed himself for those strange thoughts that had just drifted through his head. “You uh…. you ok there? It looks like you left earth there for a bit” The clown sighed and growled more turning to his giant flatmate. “Untie her and bring me some ink Leatherface, lets just get this over with” Pennywise said exhausted. The giant equally concerned and confused grabbed a knife off the kitchen wall and cut her free. Lucy’s first instinct was to run but she glued herself into the reality of her situation. The behemoth walked over to her still holding the knife and she suddenly felt the fear come back. What if the clown had lied? The giant grabbed her hand roughly. Shit she began to panic as he pressed the blade into her hand and cut. Pennywise was now sporting a devilish grin seeing his flatmate to be squirm and whimper under the blade. He suddenly had an old looking contract and a quill in his hand which he laid out on the table in front of her “Read it and sign it Leech” he sneered “Really? Im signing it in blood? Really?” “You’re being difficult and childish just sign the damn paper.” “Why do you keep calling me Leech anyway?” “Because you're sucking me dry with this $350 a month deal, sign the paper.” “Do I get to at least remodel my room?” “SIGN THE PAPER” “Bite me clown. I want to know the fine details.” “Careful what you wish for little Leech it just might come true.” he muttered. “That a threat Penny?” she fired backThe clown glared at the nickname. “You know, you’re cute when you're mad” she chuckled reading the document. “Interesting requirements you got here. Don’t know what the hell this whole community council thing is and all these weird secrets but eh its cheap living can’t complain.” she dabbed the pen on her open wound and scribbled her name on the line. “Congratulations were flatmates.” the clown growled snatching the paper and walked off towards the basement. Lucy turned to Leatherface and chuckled. “I like him, he’s fun. So you guys gonna take me on the grand tour?” the giant still very confused with the whole situation nodded silently and Lucy followed him out. She didn't quite know what she just agreed to and this definitely wasn't the change she had in mind. All she knew was that she had wished for a new start and she sure as hell was getting one.

#pennywise #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise x oc #monster roommate au #pennywise the dancing clown #pennywise the clown #it 2017 #im sorry this is so goofy and dumb

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brigdh · 7 years ago

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October Readings

In which I read a bunch horror novels because it's Halloween. Lovecraft Country by Matt Ruff. A novel in the recent genre of "Lovecraft but with antiracism". In this one, the main character Atticus Turner is a young black man in the 1950s who has just discovered that he is the closest living descendant of a powerful wizard from early America (via Atticus's great-great-great-however many times grandmother, who escaped from slavery the same night the wizard accidentally immolated himself and everyone he was close to in an attempt to gain greater power). The wizard's surviving followers have tracked Atticus down and would like to use him for a ritual he is not intended to survive. They kidnap his father to force Atticus to follow him to their creepy small town in rural New England. This sets off a series of events in which Atticus, his extended family, and several friends are repeatedly caught up in supernatural events: a coup within the wizard cabal, haunted houses, magic potions that grant tempting powers, visits to distant planets, devilishly evil – literally! – cops, treasure hunts for mysterious artifacts, and so on. Each chapter is relatively disconnected from the others and focuses on a different character, so the book has somewhat of the feel of a series of short stories rather than a regular novel. Since Lovecraft himself was more of a story writer than a novelist, the homage is obvious. Through it all, though, the specter of Jim Crow racism proves more dangerous and pervasive than any creature from another dimension. One of the most haunting sections is a flashback to the childhood of Atticus's father, when he escaped the Tulsa Race Riot of 1921. I wanted to like this book more than I did. There's nothing wrong with it, exactly; I just wanted it to go a bit deeper or explore further than it ever actually did. Most of this is down to the short story-esque format; since each one has a new narrator and plot, I never got to know any of the individuals well enough. Unfortunately, it's not a particularly scary book either, though to be fair it's not trying to be. The concept of wizards competing over ancient books of power is really the only detail it takes from Lovecraft. There's no ancient gods or mind-breaking geometry man was not meant to comprehend here, nor races of squid-people. Lovecraft Country is apparently being produced by HBO as a series, which seems like a great idea. I suspect this is one of those cases where an adaptation (particularly a serial one, like a TV show) could do more with the material than the original did. Bone White by Ronald Malfi. A horror novel set in contemporary rural Alaska. Paul Gallo has a contentious relationship with his drop-out druggie twin, Danny, but ever since Danny disappeared a year ago while on a trip to "find himself", Paul has been dedicated to figuring out what happened to him. Then a serial killer surrenders in the small town of Dread's Hand, Alaska – the same place Danny was last heard from. Paul, of course, heads to Alaska to start his own investigation, and discovers that something supernatural may be going on. The people of Dread's Hand tell stories of a devil who turns people "bone white" – poisons them from the inside, leaves them soulless and dangerous – and everyone, from the local cops to the hotel owner to the serial killer himself, is clearly helping to cover up whatever happened to Danny. This was an absolutely fantastic book. Malfi is not only a master at creating creeping tension, conveying the horror of absolute isolation, coming up with straight-up uncanny images, and just generally being scary, but his prose has a beauty that's rare in this genre. A few random examples of lines that struck me: Daylight broke like an arterial bleed. He could feel the slight increase in his heartbeat, and despite the cold that he’d carried in with him from the outside, a film of perspiration had come over him. He felt amphibious with it. Blink and you’d miss it: a town, or, rather, the memory of a town, secreted away at the end of a nameless, unpaved roadway that, in the deepening half light of an Alaskan dusk, looks like it might arc straight off the surface of the planet and out into the far reaches of the cosmos. A town where the scant few roads twist like veins and the little black-roofed houses, distanced from one another as if fearful of some contagion, look as if they’d been excreted into existence, pushed up through the crust of the earth from someplace deep underground. There is snow the color of concrete in the rutted streets, dirty clumps of it packed against the sides of houses or snared in the needled boughs of steel-colored spruce. No one walks the unpaved streets; no one putters around in those squalid little yards, where the soil looks like ash and the saplings all bend at curious, pained, aggrieved angles. And even farther still, he saw what appeared to be an impromptu landfill—a conglomeration of old washing machines, truck tires, TV antennas, and even an entire discarded swing set lay in a jumbled heap in the overgrown grass, like some beast that had succumbed to the elements and left its skeleton behind. Sure, it's not poetry, but it's a damn sight better than the workmanlike prose that I expected, and is a major part of why I loved this book. Another thing I adored was Jill Ryerson, investigator in Major Crimes Fairbank and the book's secondary narrator. Despite Paul and Jill being relatively the same age and both single... they never hook up! They never even waste time experiencing 'sexual tension'! They just get on with their jobs, interacting like two platonic professionals! DO YOU KNOW HOW RARE THIS IS? I was ecstatic when I realized that there wasn't going to be some dumb romantic subplot. Jill even gets this wonderfully un-feminized description when she fall ill at one point: "A whip of Kleenex corkscrewing from one nostril and a steaming mug of Theraflu on the counter, she’d listened to McHale’s voice in disbelief." There are complaints I could make about Bone White: there's a dumb recurring theme of powerful chakras, and the ending felt a little anticlimactic. But all of that is minor compared to the all-important trio of 1.) a genuinely scary book, with 2.) lovely writing, and 3.) well-written, competent female characters who are not there to be sexual foils for the male heroes. This is the first book I've read by Malfi, but I was incredibly impressed and will definitely be reading more. I read this as an ARC via NetGalley. Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer. This is one of those books where just figuring out what the hell is going on takes until the end; they can be fun to read, but they're damn hard to review. So here's what we know: a significant portion of the southern US (I assumed, though now that I think about it, I believe the country is never actually specified) has been cordoned off by the government for decades and renamed "Area X". Exactly what happened to Area X – something supernatural? alien? environmental? disease-related? radioactive? – is either unknown or deliberately suppressed, but the only humans allowed into the area are small teams of explorers. Our unnamed narrator, known only as "the biologist", is a member of the twelfth expedition, along with three other women: the anthropologist, the surveyor, and their leader, the psychologist. All members of previous expeditions have died, either within Area X itself – whether of suicide or killed by other members of their team – or after returning, due to aggressive cancers. The biologist is meant to study the pristine wilderness created by humans having abandoned the area, but she slowly realizes that the act of observation is changing her as well, turning her into something that may not be quite human. Her past and her reasons for taking such a job are also slowly revealed. It's a short novel (about 130 pages), and though there's plenty of unsettling descriptions, we never do get a firm answer on what's going on with Area X or why any of this is happening. Annihilation reminded me a lot of House of Leaves. There's that same sense of the normal being made uncanny, though in this case it's swamps, a lighthouse, and dolphins with too-human eyes rather than a four-and-a-half minute hallway. Nor are there any explanations to be had, except in the vague sense of symbolism and the main character's psychology. Unfortunately, unlike House of Leaves the cryptic nature of Annihilation didn't quite work for me. I'm all for open endings, but when the characters, the plot, the setting, and the meaning are all vague as misty streaks on a cloudy night, I'm left with nothing to hang on to. It had some lovely descriptions of plants, I'll give it that. Invasive by Chuck Wendig. I asked for recs for scary reads over on twitter, and call_me_ishmael provided me with a list, of which I chose this one. There's a very simple reason for that: it's a horror novel about ants. A lot of people are creeped out by spiders. Me, I've never been able to stand ants. The shiny blackness of their surfaces, more like metal or plastic than any organic substance; the unnaturally sharp angles of their joints and segments; the flat reflectiveness of their eyes; the pointed mandibles in the base of their overly aerodynamic heads... it's wrong. Alien, robotic, monstrous – I'm not sure which, but they just don't seem like something from Earth. And so an entire book focusing on a creature that already makes me uncomfortable seemed like the perfect read for October. In a rural cabin in upstate New York, FBI consultant Hannah Stander is called to what may or may not be a crime scene. An unidentified body is found with its skin having been eaten by ants; the ants themselves were later killed off by a cold snap. Hannah and others at first assume the guy was probably dead before the ants arrived, but as they investigate further they discover the ants are of no known species. Or rather, they're of multiple species: the ants are genetically modified organisms combining the traits of many different kinds of ants to make them uniquely and viciously deadly. They possess a venom potent enough to paralyze a human with anaphylactic shock after a single sting, and they're drawn to harvest human skin for its yeast in much the same way leaf-cutter ants collect greenery to grow fungus. An investigation of their DNA finds markers tying the ants back to the company of an eccentric billionaire of the Richard Branson/Elon Musk type; he, of course, denies all involvement, but Hannah is invited to travel to his privately-owned island where his team of scientists do cutting-edge research. And where they are all horribly isolated when the ants break out. Hannah is a fantastic character to be the narrator of a horror novel. She suffers from panic attacks and has anxiety about everything – global warming, antibiotic resistant diseases, turbulence, etc – so her constant low-grade tension builds suspense before anything even happens. On the other hand, she was raised by off-the-grid doomsday prepper parents, so when the shit hits the fan she has the training and drive to survive the end of the world. She's complex, likable, and flawed, and I enjoyed spending time with her. Invasive is apparently a sequel to Wendig's Zer0es, but there is relatively little overlap between the two (Hannah, for example, seems to be new for this book), so I had no problem reading it as a stand-alone. I do have a few complaints: the section of the book between the first death and before the ants are released is pretty slow-going, as Hannah just wanders around interviewing scientists and contemplating who might be lying. But once swarms of ants are covering the island, things kick up to such a high gear that all that boring stage-setting is redeemed. Secondly, the ultimate reveal of who made the ants and why wasn't satisfactory. Still, the horror genre as a whole can almost never stick their landings, so I suppose I can't hold it against Invasive too much. Overall, this was the perfect horror techno-thriller: exciting, gross, and cheesy in just the right amounts. The Wishing Tree by Aline Hannigan. I'm pretty certain I bought this because it was written by a fanfic author I enjoy, but of course now I can't remember whose penname it is, so maybe I was mistaken about that. Anyway. In this novella, Theodora Miller – expert in weird supernatural shit – is called from her home in East Harlem to a small New Hampshire town suffering from a plague of mysterious murders. They seem to be connected to the 'wishing tree', an old oak in the nearby forest that local folklore has caused to be carved with the initials of every resident. Also, it turns out that there's a deadline: Theodora has only a few days to solve the case before the entire town will be destroyed. The Wishing Tree suffers from a few minor grammar mistakes (though if the author was one of you, let me know and I'm happy to do a beta), but overall I liked the inventiveness of the mystery and its resolution. There's a twist at the end that nicely ties up the plot, the creepiness of the scenario is well-developed, and both Theodora and the local sheriff were interesting, effective characters. Fifty pages doesn't give one much room to build up the world, but I see the author plans to write the further adventures of Theodora and that could make for a very promising series. It kept me engaged despite reading it on a turbulent flight, and what more can humanity really ask for from our greatest literature?

[DW link for ease of commenting]

#matt ruff #ronald malfi #jeff vandermeer #chuck wendig #aline hannigan #books #book reviews

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thesadchicken · 8 years ago

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On Star Trek: Discovery

THE TRAILER IS OUT THE TRAILER IS OUT THE TRAILER IS OUT THE TRAILER IS OUT THE TRAILER IS OUT

Okay. The intial excitement has faded (lies lies lies) And I’m ready to discuss it properly. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure what to think. I will reserve final judgement for after the show is out and I’ve watched it, of course. But here are some thoughts.

/!\ WARNING: (my negative thoughts will be in bold, if you don’t want to read them then please don’t. I hate to be a party pooper, so if yall are excited and happy with the trailer just skip the bold parts :D)

The Cast:

I’m really excited about the cast. And the choice of characters! We’re getting our second female captain (as opposed to 4 (four) male captains, so I will ask all the assholes out there to stop whining, if you please).

The main character is also female AND it’s not the captain! I know some of you may not agree with this but I’m actually really happy they chose to make the main character a regular officer. It’s a change, first of all. I don’t think we’ve ever had a Trek series and/or movie that centers around anyone else but the captain. This is refreshing.

New aliens! That are part of the crew! I hope this means we’ll get to learn about new alien cultures as well. VULCANS! Possibly on Planet Vulcan. YES. ALWAYS YES TO VULCANS. And our main character seems to have vulcan roots? Interesting. I just hope they won’t fall into the same Spock narrative. They know that works, they know that Spock is still one of the most popular characters today, I hope they won’t exploit that and just give the new character an old storyline.

The Aesthetics™:

The costumes? Yeeeeaaaah. The Starfleet uniforms are 1) BADASS 2) the logical continuation of what we see in Star Trek: Enterprise. The design makes sense; it feels like something in between the uniforms in Enterprise and the Starfleet uniforms in TOS.

The one Vulcan we saw looks very Vulcan, just like the ones we know from TOS, TNG and beyond. (although a tiny bit too much like the Reboot Vulcans for my taste)

The Klingons. Please. Why. WHY MUST YOU DO THIS. I was enjoying the trailer so much up until the point we saw - I don’t even want to call them Klingons. So much like those hideous Reboot Klingons. Hairless? HAIRLESS KLINGONS? WHERE IS THEIR HONOR?

On a more serious note: what really bothers me with the Klingons, more than the hair and ugly forehead ridges, is that they look monstrous. Beastly. In a way that clearly gives off evil vibes. It feels like we’re going to have pure evil Klingons with no hope of understanding or dialogue at all. Please, Bryan Fuller, Nicholas Meyer, whoever has a say in this, please say it ain’t so.

The ship. Now here I’m torn. On the outside she’s beautiful. And the corridors/hallways look pretty decent and trek-like. But I absolutely hate the lens flare (JJ Abarms, anyone?) And it all looks like some generic sci-fi action movie. I didn’t get that trek vibe, that “this is the future but it’s not foreign and scary and eerie, it’s welcoming and warm and fun”. I just didn’t get that feeling. I hope I’m wrong.

The Plotline:

Some of the details we saw in the trailer seem very interesting. The main character’s relationship with vulcan. The captain and her crew. This threat menacing the federation. I’m curious.

BUT. I feel - and I pray to the Prophets that I’m wrong! - I feel like despite the series’ name, there’s going to be very little discovering and more explosions, space battles and world-saving. Not that I’m totally against that. After it that’s also fun. But can we have more than that? Can we have the exploration, the discovery. I want this new series to seek out new life and new civilizations!

All that being said, I must reserve final judgement for after I’ve actually seen the show. If anyone wants to discuss this with me please feel free to message me! My askbox is open to everyone!

#new trek #star trek: discovery #star trek #shut up selma #discovery

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your-dungeon-is-problematic · 8 years ago

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Hobgoblin (AD&D)

Hobgoblins! Like goblins, only...hobbier? Or rather, they’re bigger and stronger and...more orange than regular goblins. And I hear they’re highly militarized in structure. But only the parts of the military that make them more evil. Let’s take a gander, then!

General: “Hobgoblins are a fierce humanoid race that wage a perpetual war with the other humanoid races.” So, first sentence, and we already are embroiled in a war of racial violence. ...This doesn’t bode well. “They are intelligent, organized, and aggressive.” See, if it wasn’t for the previous sentence, or the adjective “aggressive”, they could simply be intelligent and organized. But no, to hell with that, they’re evil, because my fighter isn’t going to getting to Level 5 by not murdering people. “The typical hobgoblin is a burly humanoid standing 6 1/2′ tall. Their hairy hides range from dark reddish-brown to dark gray. Their faces show dark red or red-orange skin. Large males have blue or red noses. Hobgoblin eyes are either yellowish or dark brown while their teeth are yellow.” Wait, really? I’ve never seen it portrayed where their face is a significantly different color from the rest of their body, not to mention their noses. It makes them sound almost like baboons, or mandrills, or other weirdly colorful apes... And of course, they have terrible dental hygiene, because it’s not like anyone who wasn’t evil didn’t have terrible teeth, too. Heaven forbid a good person ever be unable to receive or afford dental care, right? “Their garments tend to be brightly colored, often bold, blood red. Any leather is always tinted black.” I’m struggling not to quote “Paint It Black”, here, guys. “Hobgoblin weaponry is kept polished and repaired. Hobgoblins have their own language and often speak with orcs, goblins, and carnivorous apes. Roughly 20% of them can speak the common tongue of man.” ...Wait, the common tongue of man? Since when has humanity ever, ever had a common tongue? I mean, you get lingua francas from time to time, but even those are usually known more by scholars or merchants or the like, not all people, everywhere. Hell, the closest we’ve ever gotten to a “common language” is English, and that’s only due to the cultural influence of both Great Britain and the United States over the last two centuries, after the Industrial Revolution was well underway, and then even more so after the advent of television, and later the Internet. To me there’s a gaggle of weird and/or unfortunate implications by having a “common language” that is explicitly “of man” in a pseudo-medieval setting. Not to mention, if dwarves and elves have been around longer, as they so often are in D&D settings, why wouldn’t any lingua franca descend from Dwarvish, Elvish, or hell, even Draconic?? ...I’m sorry, I got off on a tangent, so allow me a very small one: “Carnivorous apes”?! Where are the carnivorous apes?! I haven’t seen any carnivorous apes in this book, much less ones that are sapient to the point of using language. Did I miss them?? I mean, they can’t be using an insulting term for orcs or goblins, because they’re mentioned by name alongside the “carnivorous apes”. Where are the apes?! Alright, sorry, moving on.

Combat: “Hobgoblins in a typical force will be equipped with polearms (30%), morningstars (20%), swords and bows (20%), spears (10%), swords and spears (10%), swords and morning stars (5%), or swords and whips (5%).” You know, with a diversity of arms like that, and if you read up on the necessary strategies to portray this in-game, you could make the hobgoblins masters of combined arms tactics. A squad of spearmen defending the archers, and such. I mean, I suppose a high enough level wizard could blow through such groups with fireballs and the like, but on the other hand, if it’s just the one wizard against an army of hobgoblins, an army has more men to spare than most wizards have spells for the day... “Hobgoblins fight equally well in bright light or virtual darkness, having infravision with a range of 60 feet. Hobgoblins hate elves and always attack them first.” I...well. ...That came right the hell out of nowhere, didn’t it? No context of any kind, before or after, this is the last sentence of this section. Just leave us on that note, eh? Is this just to remind DMs that if the party has an elf in it, any hobgoblin armies will just beeline towards them for murder? What’s the point?

Habitat/Society: “Hobgoblins are nightmarish mockeries of the humanoid races who have a military society organized in tribal bands,” Ah. Just starting off with a right hook of “evil AND ugly”, eh? Well. “Nightmarish mockeries”? Seriously? Just because they do have a military society, and are perhaps not as “classically beautiful” like the elves are, doesn’t make them “Nightmarish mockeries”. I mean, most dwarves aren’t exactly lookers, themselves, and their society is all about mining and killing whatever disrupts their mining, but that doesn’t make them “nightmarish mockeries” of anyone else who mines and is militaristic. Hell, “nightmarish mockeries” would make more sense if they were corruptions of a different race, like how Tolkiens orcs are thought to be corrupted elves, or if they were just manufactured by some evil entity, but as far as I can tell hobgoblins arose as naturally as any other race in Dungeons & Dragons, and yet you’re just going to call them “nightmarish mockeries of the humanoid races who have a military society”. Right. “Each tribe is intensely jealous of its status. Chance meetings with other tribes will result in verbal abuse (85%) or open fighting (15%).” This just gives me the hilarious mental image of some scribe shadowing a hobgoblin tribe and recording the reaction whenever they came across a different tribe over the course of a year or two. “It just gets into a metaphorical pissing match 85% of the time.” “That’s ludicrously precise.” “Hobgoblin tribes are found in almost any climate or subterranean realm. A typical tribe of hobgoblins will have between 20 and 200 (2d10 x 10) adult male warriors. In addition, for every 20 male hobgoblins there will be a leader (known as a sergeant) and two assistants. These have 9 hit points each but still fight as 1+1 Hit Die monsters. Groups numbering over 100 are led by a sub-chief who has 16 hit points and an Armor Class of 3. he great strength of a sub-chief gives it a +2 on its damage rolls and allows it to fight as a 3 Hit Die monster. If the hobgoblins are encountered in their lair, they will be led by a chief with AC 2, 22 hit points, and +3 points of damage per attack, who fights as a 4 Hit Die monster. The chief has 5-20 (5d4) sub-chiefs acting as bodyguards. Leaders and chiefs always carry two weapons.” ...This implies a much more complex and organized society than the monstrous manual will deign to elaborate on. And on a minor note, why didn’t they go all the way with the military ranking thing? Like, okay, so you got sergeants in charge of 20-man groups, why isn’t the “sub-chief” called a “captain” or a “colonel”, or something? Why isn’t the chief a “general” or “warlord”? ...Don’t tell me it’s because by using “tribal” terminology it makes them seem more “primitive” and therefore less “cultured” and therefore because they don’t contribute much in the way of “culture” it’s “more okay” to exterminate them, because that would be nothing short of absolutely hideous. “Each tribe has a distinctive battle standard which is carried into combat to inspire the troops. If the tribal chief is leading the battle, he will carry the standard with him, otherwise it will be held by one of his sub-chiefs.” ...Well, uh, good? Is there some morale bonus for depriving them of it? If there is, you don’t expound upon it here. Is it in the DMG? “In addition to the warriors present in a hobgoblin tribe, there will be half again that many females and three times as many children as adult males.” Oh, my God. So literally for every two hobgoblins you’re killing, that’s three hobgoblin women and six hobgoblin children you’re leaving without a father/husband/brother/what-have-you? That’s awful. You keep doing this, Monstrous Manual, you keep telling us about the women and children, right after telling us that this species can be killed without any moral quandaries, and then don’t tell us what to do about the noncombatants that the party will leave behind, traumatized, if you play them as written. It is baffling. “Fully 80% of all known hobgoblin lairs are subterranean complexes. The remaining 20% are surface villages which are fortified with a ditch, fence, 2 gates, and 3-6 guard towers. Villages are often built upon ruined humanoid settlements and may incorporate defensive features already present in the ruins.” See, this shows at least as much knowledge of construction of fortification, or ingenuity in utilizing old construction, as the armies of Rome did in ancient times, but I hardly think you would call Rome ‘uncivilized’ or free to exterminate, eh? Despite the Roman Empire being at least as devoted to military expansion as these hobgoblins you’re trying to portray as irredeemably evil. “Hobgoblin villages possess artillery in the form of 2 heavy catapults, 2 light catapults, and a ballista for each 50 warriors. Underground complexes may be guarded by 2-12 carnivorous apes (60%)” It is things like this that I like, because they do portray the military focus of their society, even though I know it’s to show DMs how to design these fortresses that their parties are inevitably going to infiltrate and burn to the ground. ...Also, again with the carnivorous apes?! Did I overlook an entry in this book? Where are the carnivorous apes?? ......Oh, they’re under ‘Mammal’. ...Huh. See, it’s just weird that, first of all, they can be spoken with in a manner they can understand, and also as far as I know there are no apes that are obligate carnivores? ...I mean, I suppose more than a few are insectivorous, but that’s a little different from red meat, you know? Though who knows, I could be wrong. Moving on! “They are highly adept at mining and can detect new construction, sloping passages, and shifting walls 40% of the time.” See, between the mining, the stout defenses and fortifications, and the racial hatred towards elves, explain to me in what way hobgoblins are different from most dwarven kingdoms.

Ecology: “Hobgoblins feel superior to goblins or orcs and may act as leaders for them.” ...In a “white man’s burden”, kind of way, or...? “In such cases, the ‘lesser races’ are used as battle fodder.” Ah. ...Though in practice, that’s usually how the “white man’s burden” mentality seems to play out, too... “Hobgoblin mercenaries may work for powerful or rich evil humanoids.” But only evil ones, because since when have good humanoids ever been powerful and/or rich? Like, this is especially odd, considering if you’re mercenaries, you work for the highest bidder, usually, right? So if the good guys pay you better, could you convert hobgoblin mercenaries to your way of thinking? Or, because they’re EEEEEEVIL, would they take the money and run?

Koalinth: “This marine species of hobgoblin is similar to the land dwelling variety in many respects. Koalinth dwell in shallow fresh or salt water and make their homes in caves. Their bodies have adapted to marine environments via the evolution of gills. Their webbed fingers and toes give them a movement rate of 12 when swimming. Their bodies are sleeker than those of hobgoblins and they have light green skin. They speak an unusual dialect of the hobgoblin tongue.” ...So does anyone else get vague flashbacks to the seadweller trolls from Homestuck? Because I’m getting vague flashbacks to the seadweller trolls from Homestuck. ...Also, hold up, they evolved gills? So evolution in Dungeons & Dragons is confirmed. So are hobgoblins some manufactured-to-be-evil race, or did they arise through natural evolution? Because if they evolved naturally there is no reason that I can think of that they would be absolutely bugfuck evil, to a man. “They tend to employ thrusting weapons like spears and pole arms. Koalinth are every bit as disagreeable as hobgoblins, preying on every thing they come across, especially aquatic humanoid and demi-human races. They detest aquatic elves.” Well that’s self-destructive as hell. If you destroy anything and everything that is not you, then anything that isn’t you is going to gang up on you and take you out. It’s societal suicide. ...And again with the weird, specific elf hate. No expounding on that point at all, just “they hate THESE GUYS in particular”. I mean, I suppose racism doesn’t really have any good explanation, but usually they try to think of some threadbare justification to sate their own warped consciences.

General: Well! I mean, if nothing else, you can’t say their society isn’t organized. ...But if the males are implicitly all warriors, does that leave the women to farm and feed these armies? Because I mean, hey, an army can’t fight on an empty stomach, right? At least, not very well. And raiding and pillaging neighboring cities only works for so long, once their scouts tail you back to the lair and call down a siege that you can only outlast if you actually do have farms to feed off of. Like maybe I kind of harp on this, but a society needs an infrastructure to realistically survive. It can only mooch off of others for so long. Like, I suppose if they get big enough to actually conquer a human kingdom, they could use their new vassals to farm for them, but the entry as written implies hobgoblin settlements are usually individual fortresses with relatively small garrisons. Also, the children! What are you going to do with the hundreds of children?! You could raise them as your own, but then that almost plays into all sorts of “white savior”/”white man’s burden” narratives, and... It’s all just a little frustrating. Like, okay, yeah, the whole “they are military-based, and are evil” isn’t that much better than “all they do is banditry. Banditry all the time, 24/7, 365 days a year, they’re evil”, but it at least is more easily made into an actual workable culture that can realistically be portrayed in a setting? Like history is no stranger to military dictatorships. You can play up the Lawful bit of their Lawful Evil alignment, make them be very heavy on the hierarchy of the chain of command, give them a very zealous military police, a court martial, all that. Like, if their theme is “military”, play it to the hilt, I’d say. And they still needn’t be evil, even at that point. They could just be an overly zealous, overly paranoid obsessed with making sure their people are not conquered. Hell, make ‘em Sparta. A proud military city-state that doesn’t take no guff from outsiders. Until they bite off more than they can chew, are conquered by a much larger outside empire, and are quickly rendered irrelevant for the rest of time, if you’re going to go all-out with the analogy, but still. I guess what I’m saying is, and really this applies to every entry on this blog, is that you gotta work for it. Maybe they’re an isolationist city-state, maybe they’re an expansionist empire, maybe you drop the militaristic culture entirely and make them peaceable agrarians, just take the “monster” given to you and give them just a modicum of depth. Or at least, deeper than what the Monstrous Manual offers. Shouldn’t be hard. :P

#hobgoblins #your dungeon is problematic #D&D #dungeons & dragons #like my beloved giff only evil #and with a tidal wave of children #what is the gestation period for a giff anyways?#are they more analogous to those of people or hippopotamuses?#completely off-topic tangent in the tags #my apologies

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catsthirdeye · 8 years ago

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Just like made up some characters in my head and designed their personalities and whole story around them. Now I’m thinking how awesome some of them would look as paper clay or porcelain ball jointed dolls . Also getting art made of them via DA or tumblr maybe. So far though most of them are dark-skinned because i myself am dark-skinned and their are not enough dark skin bjd’s porcelain or otherwise in my opinion. Some are fantasy beings , others are just animal humanoids (kemo?anthro?). I have 3 main vampires (all pureblood , 2 male 1 female) , a incubus and a moth boy so far. The idea here is to give the vampire female a harem , since of course vampires are not humans and thus don't share many things in common with humans ( referring to how most humans rather live in denial of their true nature and pretend to be monogamous when it is not in our nature ) , and so vampires are true to their poly nature and don't live in denial as most humans do. Out of the two main male vampires one is her brother and i'm still debating on making the other one her adoptive brother or her half brother ( though he is still included in her harem either way ). In this world they live in , vampires can have kids like humans but can also turn humans into vampires . so she mates with males in her harem and has kids. Her brother is not included in her harem but she does have sex with him sometimes just doesnt have his kid. There's also other side characters that are not as important as the ones that live with her but still show up on a regular basis to hang out and cause mischief with her baby brother. This gang is all purebloods , as vampires go we all know how awesome purebloods are ( they are very powerful , live the longest , are the most alluring , treated like royalty even when they are not , etc...) . Then there's the evil monstrous cruel trash that is humans who were turned , the filth of the vampire world and often referred to as the lowest class of vampire. Humans are but just food to vampires and otherwise just used for sex. So it is not uncommon for purebloods to keep human slaves or submissives in their homes. But these humans are usually treated pretty well depending on the vampire of course , some even let their humans out for walks and see the sun. Some purebloods turn their humans and this is done with caution as the fledglings are more easily harmed and have a shorter life compared to their master. These fledglings are affected by such fictional things humans have made up about vampires but are immune to certain items , they are affected by sunlight but not garlic, holy water, crosses or wooden stakes and if harmed abit usually heal but slower than a pureblood. Where as purebloods really don't seem to die and what kills them is unknown , as they are very powerful and are immune to sunlight ( but they still like to come out at night and are very active at night , so your typical sleep during the day vampire). Though purebloods usually usually like to stay away from turned vamps and humans unless it has to do with something that interest them ( food or sex usually ) , they otherwise just find humans annoying and disgusting and usually dislike them to varying degrees but have learnt to tolerate and be civil towards them in order to coexist. Some purebloods can be quite rude to humans/fledglings though so it is not uncommon behaviour. Also it is common beliefs that vampires only drink blood but they can also drink other fluids and not just from humans. This includes semen , and might even include milk , sweat or pee for some who are adventurous but their main diet is blood. This is just some of the stuff i’ve thought of for my characters world , based on various sources but it seems good so far. I don’t want to give too much away so i probably won’t go into detail about my characters personalities , appearance/style , likes and dislikes , etc...But i'm really loving it and i think once i have my own place i might get into trying to make some of them into bjd’s ( paperclay or cold porcelain probably) , or i might get them custom-made since their are some porcelain bjd makers who do customs. As you can tell by now i love porcelain or paperclay bjd’s a lot more than resin , basically because i think paperclay and porcelain are higher quality materials and they are more natural than synthetic resin. Though i know porcelain can be brittle and pretty fragile and should be handled with caution. I know porcelain bjd’s are often more expensive than resin bjd’s which i suppose it understandable for getting a higher quality doll that happens to also be more fragile. My first Bjd will probably be a porcelain one i get off etsy , since etsy has some nice dolls and their are some that are not a thousand dollars. I’ve also looked for bjd makers on facebook , Deviantart , bjdcollectasy and bookmarked makers on tumblr i have yet to really look at. Of course i usually only look at paperclay or porcelain ones but i have been thinking about getting flumo or polymer clay ones to make molds of so i can make my own dolls from them. From what i found their are not a lot of polymer clay bjd makers it seems or makers that use flumo. I would get resin but it's a matter of material than anything else ( it being synthetic ) , and i’d most likely use the resin dolls as molds too so they wouldn't get the royal treatment my porcelain or paperclay dolls get and wouldn't be on display. I’ve been doing more research on resin used for bjd’s ( as you know by now i like to research things instead of being stupid and ignorant which most humans are , and i only research things that interest me/ i am passionate about ) . Anyway from what i found , theirs this environmentally friendly resin some bjd makers use but none of them want to tell you what makes the resin eco exactly and i can't seem to find info on what makes it eco. I’m not so sure the resin being anti-yellowing and uv-resistant make it eco but i do know it makes the doll last longer , one company mentioned the eco-resin they used was non-solvent in the description for the doll. I found these two resins on etsy that are eco in some way and was wondering if the doll makers who use eco resin use resin similar to the two i found on etsy. I sent the company i mentioned a message asking what made the resin they used eco exactly and also sent the same message to alice's collections since according to them most doll companies use eco-friendly resin now but none of these companies want to tell you want makes the resin eco. From research i have found LoongSoul , Soul Doll , Impldoll use eco resin. I could try to message these companies and ask but i don't know if they would be willing to give the info i want.

#orignial characters #oc's #deviantart #bjd #ball jointed dolls #vampires #loongsoul #soul doll #sorry this is long

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askmyboys · 5 years ago

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Vinny

Name: He was never given a name, buut if he were to escape out into the real world... he'd want to go by.... Vinny | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Glitch/Virus Demon (he's p much three things in one bc I decided to spice it up a lil bit) | Age: He doesn't really have an age either tbh | Height: 7'9" | Eye Color: See his eyes are a complex thing... his eyes can change variously, some seem more... complex than others- 1: He has all that coding n green in his eyes, you know like the 0s and 1s along with the green abyss in the background slowly scrolling downwards for infinity. 2: He can have a blue screen in his eyes which in HIS case isn't good. 3: and then just pure black which is the w o r s t thing possible. (as for just actual colors, it can be kinda like a stoplight in a way- except, just a regular green in this case which means things are chill essentially- its fine, yellow means he's cautious and tense, annnd red means he's angry- boutta get aggressive) | Hair Color: Shadow Black (his hair is in the style of an Extreme Spiky Quiff) | Appearance: He has one prominent suit- its got those tv color bars going down it EXCEPT they aren't as bright as actual color bars- he doesn't like overly bright colors- it messes with him, the suit also has glitches surrounding it- most people think its just part of the suit but its actually not- its a part of HIM- his pants are black and he usually wears combat boots- he has another suit he wears that just looks like pure static that has the words PLEASE STAND BY written on it which he'll pair with a matching pair of pants- the combat boots s t a y though. Aside from suits, he'll wear hoodies, leather jackets, etc- it just depends on his mood at the current moment- now he's got some more monstrous details/inhuman features... For starters, the monstrous features include him having bear trap teeth, his horns are in the shape of a bison's and they also look like color bars, he has a devil style tail that just looks like pure static, and of course he has black claws- he does have glitches that can surround him, usually the glitches and him becoming more static-y sounding are due to him getting angrier and angrier- however he does have to use a good amount of energy to keep all his glitches n stuff hidden. (oh and you know he has the circle beard n such and a few scars here and there, it seems to be mostly from fights and some look pretty severe) | Personality: I won't say he's evil and cruel, only when he's crossed will he show no mercy- if he's betrayed, a b a n d o n e d, etc- THEN shit's gonna hit the fan BUUUT we don't have time to unpack all that just yet! He's definitely a trickster, loves to pull pranks and mess with people immensely, he's been out in the actual world a few times- humans are his all time f a v e s to mess with, their reactions can be a m a z i n g! How terrified they look when they see this weird being come into their reality or when they don't even realize or know he's there, then its so much more fun- its like a ghost situation at that point makin people think their haunted which in a way they technically are! He doesn't know?? a LOT about boundaries or limits and sometimes he crosses those, ya gotta tell him otherwise it'll only get worser from there and he won't even stop to acknowledge that- he's oblivious towards some emotions and feelings (tl;dr: not evil n cruel unless provoked/betrayed, trickster who will prank n scare the living shit out of you, crosses boundaries and limits without realizing and needs to be told about it- and you better explain it properly otherwise he won't really get it, he doesn't understand a lot of emotions and feelings except for anger/fear- its mostly anger he understands a lot, he can be pretty manipulative when he wants to make a deal with a person- he feels he's gotta be in order to escape his computer-y confines) | Side Facts: He lives in this virtual-like world, waiting until someone gets his "virus" on their computer- in order to have his virus sent out, a person has to be looking up info on him and click on one specific lil site, oh they'll get details alright... S o m a n y d e t a i l s, hell why not have those details straight from the source- while his virus doesn't necessarily damage the computer itself, HE can do so if he desires- its usually a last resort option though in order to escape his confines- he's gotta make a deal with said person in order to get out- its essentially like a you do this for me I'll do somethin for you in return in a w a y. He's actually deathly terrified of factory resets and h e h- various other things that can totally obliterate his virus and if he's sticking around himself- oh b o y- there's going to be... well, problems- a factory reset along with the other things- ya see- a factory reset is the equivalent to what an exorcism would feel like for a ghost, its essentially a death sentence for this glitchy virus demon and it'd be the most excruciating thing he could ever feel, he's actually almost been wiped out entirely by one before- so that's another reason to fear those things. Now he did have parents, but uh they... weren't the best- even when he was just beginning to develop they could tell he'd never amount to nothing, wouldn't ever be a strong and good virus demon, so they p much- ahem

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Abuse mentions both physical and mental-wise, degradation, abandonment, etc

His parents abused him, his father always tried to toughen him up and would get angry and MORE violent than he already was when his son didn't want to cooperate or fight back, his mother would always verbally abuse him- constantly berating him with insults, telling him he'd never amount to a good virus demon, that he was entirely worthless, etc AND his siblings weren't any better- they picked on him and beat him up a fair amount all the time- its a wonder he even managed to last as long as he did, growing up definitely was the most difficult thing, he never REALLY learned how to properly process any emotions- he never learned how to express emotions- especially if something is bothering him immensely, he'll just ignore it or bottle it up until it gets too severe to handle anymore, expressing emotions of any kind unless anger or anything was f o r b i d d e n to his parents- happiness? sadness? D i s g u s t i n g! He should be a n g r y, vengeful, hateful, m a l i c i o u s and everything horrible in between- he should be an ultimate being of destruction since he's a virus demon and eventually his parents gave up on him entirely annnnd kicked him out, they a b a n d o n e d him and have had no contact since then, o h but only if they could see him now... he's not evil or cruel just for pure spite towards them but he IS more powerful than he ever coulda been before, s o much more powerful... he has enough power to bring a fucking world to its k n e e s- even if his weaknesses are something such powerful demons shouldn't be affected by but nonetheless, he's powerful enough or at least he thinks so- maybe... maybe his parents would be... proud of him if they saw him now, with as much power as he's gained (spoilers: they won't, he's not malicious or evil or cruel enough n so many other wrong things) ITS NOT A L L bad however tho! he can be a p dumb himbo sometimes- he doesn't understand a LOT of human things, despite being a computer-like virus demon- he actually doesn't even understand much bout the internet, he's never given it much of his attention and the things humans do, its... it can all be strange to him? So aside from pranking n being a trickster- he can be p dumb when it comes to human stuff n internet stuff- boy gotta heccin learn bout boundaries n limits and some of the things humans do so he can be MORE human like- hell he doesn't REALLY even disguise himself, why should he care if humans n stuff sees him? He's fine like he is- and besides its funny to see them react with fear! and besides its not as if they can do anything to stop him unless they forcibly get him back into a pc and try to factory reset him but NOBODY would think to do that surely hahaha... ...healsoneedstolowkey-okayHIGHKEYlearntounderstandemotionsandfeelingsohecanproperlyprocessANDunderstandhowtoletThingsoutI'll probs add or re-do stuff later? I dont think much needs to be re-done but if I find it necessary meh it'll happen for now have this wreck of a virus demon

#new oc #my oc #virus demon oc #Vinny #tw abuse mention #tw abandonment #tw verbal abuse #tw physical abuse

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