#something about a man with a cat tbh
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#dragon's stupid thoughts#I'm trying my hardest guys#my propaganda ain't working yet#''well maybe WE want to play that game?!''#they don't know#at least we aren't ordering food from dominos so that's something#a different classmate was making some sorta left party propaganda cuz it fitted the topic some days ago#tbh. atp i see that being bullied for your opinions is better than for your interests#i haven't worked on that anti gen ai presentation for a long while...#yesterday I watched a video about some yt account that made ai generated videos which unfortunately are immensely popular#as this is a crime for itself already there's more#the content doesn't equal the channels description#the description says something like ''cute cat videos'' and the thumbnails are pregnant furry cats with a hole in their belly#where kittens are looking out.#very very disturbing stuff. even for me. and ITS TARGETED TOWARDS KIDS#now this is truly against the yt tos and the youtuber was asking his community if they all can go and report them#with success!#besides such comments there were unfortunately other comments saying ''ai is bad BUT this one ai made song is awesome''#like. come on man... you were so close...#that ruined my mood. sorta. it just made me so mad again#i was once watching some news where they were also talking about ai and showed a teen entering#what's 10+50 into chatgpt... i was so close to killing everything around me and then myself#WHY
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Seeing some video instead of doing schoolwork and one of the screenshots there was of like. Being a shipping pioneer but having to come up with the name and like. Yeah.
#echoes of the fettered#my stupid ass here having to come up for hlevteo/teopeka/hlevpeka (that one still doesn't make sense???)#and goddamned myth hunt trio? jesus christ girl#the fandom girlies are gonna hate me for this one#i mean ok tbh they're already gonna hate me for hlevpeka as is bc. god forbid a man loves himself? idfk#i really like names that are moreso a mix of concept related to the characters. so i first thought of something like photoproof for hlevteo#idr why it didn't stick to me tho. i think it just doesn't sound as good#if i had to give it to the other ones then. idk. teopeka :: corporate contradiction // hlevpeka :: -#idk? probably a nod to slav-i-ja. or just slav-i-ja itself idfk. would need to think about it#also other ship names like. what. hlevengine? hlev no. 9? ???. which ig could like. curiosity and the cat?#hlevlanta maybe? flashing fireworks?#teorija/palanta is a legacy ship to me. so. teolanta? paper eccentricity? idkkkkk#the point is. man ship names are hardddd
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.
#i do love it here#i do! truly! it's the greatest city in the world!#but i am so tired of rolling with disadvantage with every social interaction#i'm tired of looking like an asshole all the time#(not that i don't already in the usual course of events i suppose)#i've just leaned *hard* into the 'dumb american'#and y'all i am laying on the southern accent REAL thick#tbh? it does wonders.#part of that is that 'yessir' and 'no ma'am' are very firmly baked in#and i guess that these folks don't have enough of an ear for it to differentiate 'genteel deep southerner' from 'scruffy white trash'#but for the most part it's worked out to my advantage#this is a fuckin absurd place tho. 'squirty cream.' y'all are not a serious country.#i miss my cat. i'm tired of their accents. i'm tired of their fuckin attitude fr tbh.#but then i'll turn a corner and smell some kind of street food#or watch a whole bus full of people offer their seat to an achingly new mother#or everyone on a sidewalk go to catch an old woman when she stumbles#or see some toddlers playing on a 15th century grave#or i'll be out walking at night and a fox will stop while it's crossing the street to look at me with wariness but no fear as if to say#'i see you. i see you very well.'#or. or-- and this is the big one#the weird high wailing and deep rumbling of the victoria line which is something i can't describe; i don't have the art#but it's like they actually unearthed what this city has sounded like for thousands of years#joyous and fierce and pitiless#and like. where the fuck else would i ever possibly want to live? if i want to live at all i want to live here.#like the man said: '...then you're tired of life.'#domine dirige nos#about.
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today would have been my dad's 76th birthday 😔
#it's.... really weird to think about for a dozen different reasons#first of all he died 8 years ago. he didn't even make it to 70#and also. man this is so weird but my brain is stupid so. that's how old John is and it reminds me that he will die too and I don't like#thinking about that#I should only ever like people who can't die. Jenkins. I'll only like Jenkins from now on he's immortal he's safe#except one day John will die (no he won't I refuse to accept that) and then I'll think about that whenever I see Jenkins and it will be sad#I don't think I was meant to be human tbh. I should be a cat with no concept of death 😔#personal#(how fucked up that this is what my brain cares about. not like oh I miss my dad. no. this guy I don't even know will die. 🤦)#(I do miss my dad but that's like. I don't know it's just a constant thing that's always there now. I've gotten used to it and it's fine now#so it's not something I feel I need to mention)
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my (first!!) pc is built 😭 this was a task and a half and also very very scary lmao. I was SO worried I was gonna break shit and even now that its built and very much so up and running and ok im like... worried its about to break lmao (like its unfounded! but im still like. oh god its going to brick itself at any second). I'm yet to properly test it out with bg3, but it is running my silly cozy little mmos wonderfully. I also now feel like I need to sleep forever after getting this done lmao.
bonus:
as you can see I am exclusively using top of the line Pro Gamer peripherals, such as this keeb from 1998. this keyboard is older than me.
#im fucking. sleepy tired man what a day#my monitor is old also. but tbh theyre both pretty good quality its just like. their aesthetic is lacking which#id rather use old free shit that works well yanno? than pay for aesthetic junk idk#thats the same reason theres no lights in my case like. idk i dont care enough to spend money on that#but im. happy. and nervous. about this. if it breaks or if it turns out that i fucked something up... i will have a cat 5 menty b#i can tell u that much#hell today building it i was like. trying so hard to not have a panic attack sjshshdh#but yeah im happy af to have this like... done. ready to rock n roll#my post
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Once again thinking about that friend of a friend who held and kneaded my hands and caressed and pet my face and head super casually while having an animated convo with the group of people we were sitting with years ago
#like 10000/10 felt like a beloved pet. would love to experience that again tbh#man idk..... i think that moment reawakened something in me. made me realise i wanna be a beloved pet and receive all the physical affection#also thinking about even longer ago when a friend would pet and scritch my head and remark how soft and nice my hair was 😭#(insert image of the teary eyed screaming cat)
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albon pets - aa23
summary: alex moves to monaco and suddenly his cats need vet checkups all the time, or maybe he just wants to hang out with the pretty doc
folkie radio: MY FIRST ALEX FIC!!!! y’all said that albono didn’t very much appreciation so i decided to do something about it, enjoy!
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON
liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 48,936 others
yourinstagram Monday mood: When your favorite patients make your whole week better! 💕🐱 Special shoutout to Jimmy and Sassy who came in for their routine checkup. These two are literally the most well-behaved cats I've ever met (yes, I'm biased).
Their dad @/maxverstappen1 definitely knows how to raise the sweetest cats in Monaco. 🏎️🐈
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username1 aweeee jimmy and sassy are so big now!
username2 vet to the stars
username3 THATS MY BFF AND IM PROUD
maxverstappen1 They only behave for you 😅 At home Sassy keeps knocking everything off my shelves and Jimmy steals my socks. But at least they're healthy. Thanks doc!
↳ yourinstagram haha, that's because they know I'm the treat lady!
↳ landonorris Mate your cats have better healthcare than you do
↳ maxverstappen1 Shut up Lando
↳username4 i’m dying over this
alexandrasaintmleux Leo says he misses his favorite doc 😢
↳ yourinstagram My little Leo!!! please bring him in soon
username5 cutest patients ever
username6 the way max is a softie for his cats
kellypiquet Jimmy and Sassy have the best vet in Monaco
↳ yourinstagram They already have the best parents! Say hi to little P from me
username7 i love her vibe i bet she’s the sweetest person ever
username8 this is my dream job actually
username9 f1 pets favorite doc
liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 1,328,044 others
alex_albon Finally made the big move! 🇲🇨 Horsey has already claimed the best spot in the apartment: a shoe box. After years of everyone telling me to join the Monaco crew, here we are!
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username1 omggggg alex moved to monaco
username2 horsey is an icon tbh
username3 ALBON CATS TAKE OVER MONACO
charles_leclerc Finally!! Only took you 4 years 😂
↳ alex_albon Better late than never
maxverstappen1 Jimmy and Sassy have a new friend to judge from the balcony
↳ alex_albon As long as they don't teach him their sock-stealing habits
username4 they finally made him join the tax heaven crew
username5 monaco said ANOTHER ONE THANK YOU
username6 not me thinking that jimmy, sassy, roscoe, leo and the albon cats are now neighbors
williamsracing There goes our last UK-based driver 😢
username7 i can’t believe a man who radiates this much golden retriever boyfriend is single
username8 HE LOOKS SO CUUUUUTE
username9 alex do your pets need a mom? cuz i’m free
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liked by alex_albon, maxverstappen1 and 50,439 others
yourinstagram Late night emergency turned into meeting this gorgeous new Monaco resident! Everyone say hi to Horsey 🖤
Poor baby had a rough first week in his new home (pro tip: cats and moving box debris don't mix well!), but he's already feeling much better after some treatment. Such a brave boy who purred through the whole examination despite feeling under the weather!
PS: His dad @/alex_albon gets extra points for being so attentive and calm during an emergency situation - exactly what we love to see! Always nice when pet parents take such good care of their fur babies 🏆
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username1 thank you for sharing your life as a vet! i love your posts
username2 such a cute boyyy horsey
maxverstappen1 The best 👊
↳ alex_albon You were right! Thanks for the recommendation 🙏
username3 you just got another f1 patient no biggie
georgerussell63 Good to see Horsey feeling better!
↳ yourinstagram He's such a sweet patient!
username4 she’s so popular among f1 drivers heeelp
charles_leclerc The Monaco pets collection grows
username5 ok but why is no one talking about how she called him attentive and calm?? ma'am we've seen him drive 😭
username6 ALEX GOT A VET ARC THIS IS NOT A DRILL
↳ username7 manifesting this storyline
↳ username4 y'all are too much omg 😭
username8 everyone in the comments being like 👀
↳ username5 THE DRIVERS ARE SO OBVIOUS I'M CRYING
username9 the group chat must be WILDING rn
username10 "his dad" MA'AM-
liked by alex_albon, charles_leclerc and 1,604,948 others
f1 When your local vet becomes paddock royalty!
Spotted at the #MonacoGP: The woman responsible for keeping the grid's furry friends healthy and happy! From Max's mischievous cats to Charles' pup, Lewis’ bulldog, and Alex's newly-relocated cats - @/yourinstagram has become the unofficial F1 Pet Doctor! 🏎️🐾
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username1 THIS IS SO CUTE OMG???
username2 SHES SO BEAUTIFUL
username3 this is definitely the coolest job in the world
maxverstappen1 Jimmy and Sassy's favorite human
↳ lando more like their only well-behaved moments
↳ username1 JIMMY AND SASSY JUST LOVE HER
oscarpiastri The real paddock MVP 🏆
alex_albon ❤️
↳ lando very articulate there alex
↳ alex_albon shut up lando
↳ username2 OMGGGG WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
↳ username3the way alex just hearted it i-
↳ username4 we're watching a romance novel unfold in real time
username5 someone check on albon nation they're probably hospitalized
username6 the drivers exposing themselves in the comments 💀
username7 lando stirring the pot we love to see it
username8 not max immediately claiming her as his cats' favorite 😭
username9 THE HEART EMOJI???? ALEX???
username10 everyone in f1 moves to monaco for tax evasion and this vet
lewishamilton The best vet Roscoe's ever had! 🙌🏾
liked by alex_albon, lando and 68,934 others
yourinstagram Still pinching myself! 🏎️ From late night emergency calls with your pets to watching you all race through the streets of Monaco - what a surreal experience! Thank you @/f1 for having me and huge thanks to @/williamsracing for the incredible hospitality (and the merch! 🤫).
Special shoutout to all my four-legged patients watching their dads race from home and from the paddock today! 🐾
PS: These cars are LOUD! Now I understand why @alex_albon's cats get scared during race replays!
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username1 im her fan now
username2 SHES SO COOL
alex_albon Thanks for coming! Dinner to celebrate? 🤔
↳ lando smooth
↳ alex_albon I will block you
↳ landonorris worth it
↳ username1 WTF DID WE WITNESS
↳ username3 ohhh my god alex albon you have no shame
maxverstappen1 Thank you for coming !
williamsracing You're welcome any time! 💙
username4 DINNER??? ALEX???
↳ username2 THE SMOOTHEST DRIVER ON THE GRID FR
↳ username5 SOMEONE HOLD ME
username6 SO SHE WAS ALEX’S GUEST???
username7 can we talk about how pretty she is tho
georgerussell63 Next time bring your vet skills, my ego needs healing after that race
↳ maxverstappen1 same here doc
↳ yourinstagram Sorry boys, I only treat actual puppies 😂
username8 i ship her with alex idc idc
username9 WE NEED TO KNOW IF SHE ACTUALLY GRABBED DINNER WITH ALEX
username10 this is my roman empire
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liked by username1, username2 and 14,033 others
f1gossip 🚨 BREAKING: Alex Albon spotted having dinner with Monaco's favorite vet at Le Petite Maison in Nice! Sources say they arrived together and have been there for over 2 hours.
Multiple fans confirm they looked "very cozy" and were "laughing all evening" 👀
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username1 OMFGGGG I DIDNT SEE THIS COMING
username2 i love this pair actually
username3 Max Verstappen was seen at the same restaurant last week... did someone play matchmaker? 👀
username4 EVERYBODY STAY CALM IT'S HAPPENING
username5 interesting timing right after her Monaco GP appearance 🤔
username6 I SHIP THIS SO HARD
username7 seriously guys? let them eat in peace
username8 THE WAY HE TOOK HER TO A NICE RESTAURANT NOT JUST ANY PLACE
username9 our boy got GAME
username10 manifesting worked girlies
username11 the way this isn't even a netflix script this is REAL
username12 ALEX BOYFRIEND ERA INCOMING
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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, alex_albon and 69,035 others
yourinstagram When your Monday morning turns into an impromptu F1 pets reunion!
Apparently EVERYONE needed an urgent check-up today... how convenient 🤔 (I'm looking at you @/lewishamilton @/maxverstappen1 @/charles_leclerc)
All patients are perfectly healthy, just as they were last week! Though Roscoe did get extra treats for being the most honest about this setup 😉🐾
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username1 this is too funny
username2 why are they planninggggg
lewishamilton Roscoe said he was feeling under the weather!
↳ yourinstagram He was sleeping and snoring when you carried him in Lewis 😂
↳ lewishamilton ... he was conserving energy
username3 THESE DRIVERS ISTH
maxverstappen1 Jimmy and Sassy needed their... annual... weekly checkup
↳ yourinstagram Max, I literally saw them yesterday
↳ maxverstappen1 They miss you already?
charles_leclerc Pure coincidence 😇
alex_albon guys...
↳ georgerussell63 👀
↳ alex_albon I can't with any of you
↳ username1 WHATS GOING ON
username4 THE WAY THEY'RE ALL TRYING TO HELP I'M CRYING
username5 not them all showing up at once 💀
username6 they’re as subtle as a brick through a window
username7 ARE THEY TRYING TO PLAY MATCHMAKER??
username8 sassy looks so adorable i cantttt
username9 coolest job ever ! thanks for sharing your life as a vet <3
username10 alex just kiss her
liked by yourinstagram, georgerussell63 and 1,804,539 others
alex_albon Race week dumps 🏎️ Missing my troublemakers already #F1 #Cats #RaceWeek
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username1 HES SO BOYFRIEND CODED
username2 i love cat dad alex
yourinstagram Tell the babies their favorite vet misses them!
↳ alex_albon They knocked over their food bowl as soon as I showed them this comment
↳ yourinstagram Sounds about right 😂 Remember their anxiety meds before quali!
↳ alex_albon Already packed them! See, I can be responsible
↳ lando the cats or YN got you being responsible? 👀
↳ alex_albon blocked.
username3 WHAT JUST HAPPENED???
username4 did lando just exposed him?
username5 someone's cats getting a lot of vet attention lately 👀
maxverstappen1 Your cats have better race prep than you do
↳ alex_albon At least my cats like me
↳ maxverstappen1 Jimmy and Sassy said that's a lie
↳ yourinstagram Can confirm, all F1 cats talk about each other in their check-ups
↳ alex_albon et tu, doc? 😭
username6 ALEX SOOOO LIKES HER I CANT
username7 most wholesome grid dad
williamsracing Cat dad era > any other era
username8 ALEX IS PRETTY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THEIR VET I CANT
username9 crying he’s so obvious
username10 if the vet doesn’t want to be his girlfriend i volunteer just saying
liked by yourinstagram, alex_albon and 102,549 others
albon_pets Guess who we saw today? 🤔 Our favorite doc @/yourinstagram! Dad said we needed vaccines but we think he's just bad at making excuses 😽
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username1 ALBON PETSSSS
username2 THE CAPTION 😭
yourinstagram My favorite trouble twins! ❤️ Horsey only knocked over ONE thing this time, we're making progress!
↳ alex_albon that's because you bribed them with treats
↳ yourinstagram Professional secret 😉
maxverstappen1 Jimmy and Sassy are offended they weren't invited
↳ albon_pets Tell them we'll see them at next week's "emergency" appointment 😸
username3 NOT ALEX’S OWN CATS DRAGGING HIM
williamsracing Our mascots looking purrfect 🐱
username4 those must be the most thoroughly examined cats in Monaco
username5 these cats getting more action than their dad
username6 whatever you do don’t picture alex trying to come up with excuses to take the cats to the clinic just so he can see doc yn
username7 alex stop using your cats as matchmakers
username8 THIS IS SO FUNNY
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liked by alex_albon, maxverstappen1 and 70,198 others
yourinstagram Long night at the clinic with this tiny fighter. Found abandoned in the rain, severe hypothermia and malnutrition, but pulling through like a champion. Sometimes the hardest nights remind me why I love this job. Will keep everyone updated on this little one's progress! 💕
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username1 oh shes the sweetest ever
username2 poor little thing 🥹
monacoanimalrescue Thank you for taking this baby in! Let us know if you need anything
↳ yourinstagram Will do! Already showing good signs 🙏
username3 Nothing hits harder than these late night rescue cases. You're doing amazing work! ❤️
↳ yourinstagram Thank you! Hour 16 and counting, but worth it
username4 need any supplies or volunteers?
↳ yourinstagram Actually yes! DMing you now
alex_albon Need any help? I can bring coffee or food or anything
↳ yourinstagram Actually could use both if you're up?
↳ alex_albon On my way!
↳ username1 OMG ALEXXXX
↳ username2 i see 👀👀
kellypiquet This is why you’re the best! 💘
username5 Those overnight kitten cases always get to me. Sending strength!
↳ yourinstagram The tiny ones are always the fighters!
username6 this is why we're in this field 🥺
username7 this is the perfect girl for alex
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liked by alex_albon, maxverstappen1 and 98,736 others
yourinstagram First night off in ages! No emergencies, no sick pets (real or imaginary), just dinner with good company ❤️
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username1 OMFGGGGG
username2 am i dreaming???
lando FINALLY!!!!!
↳ georgerussell63 Only took 47 vet visits
↳ charles_leclerc And 3 house fires
↳ alex_albon guys please 😭
↳ username1 NO WAY
↳ username2 they’re so annoying oml
maxverstappen1 My cats send their congratulations
↳ yourinstagram Tell them thanks!
username3 THE WAY I JUST SCREAMED
username4 FINALLY HAPPENING
username5 the way the whole paddock was invested in this 😭
username6 best storyline of the season
username7 About time! Have fun you two!
username8 the slow burn we've been watching all season
alex_albon ❤️
↳ lando Look who learned how to use the heart emoji
↳ alex_albon I'm still blocking all of you
username9 ALEX BOYFRIEND ERA IS HEREEEEEEE
username10 i knew this was going to happen
liked by lando, yourinstagram and 1,089,478 others
alex_albon Turns out I didn't need a sick cat excuse after all 😊❤️
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username1 AHHHHHH
username2 THIS IS SO CUTE
lando WHO HAD "ALEX POSTS FIRST" IN THE BETTING POOL
↳ georgerussell63 Pay up everyone
↳ charles_leclerc I lost 50€ 😭
↳ username1 NO WAY THIS IS REAL
↳ username2 THEY’RE SO ANNOYING
yourinstagram ❤️
↳ alex_albon ❤️
↳ username1 THE WAY I JUST DIED
↳ username2 they're using matching hearts I can't 😭
username3 local man discovers real dates better than fake emergencies
username4 CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
username5 Finally! You two are adorable ❤️
username6 ALEX FINALLY GOT HIS SHIT TOGETHER
maxverstappen1 My cats want to know if they're invited to the wedding
↳ alex_albon MAX !
username7 most wholesome character arc
username8 ALEX BOYFRIEND ERA IS REAL
username9 they make the cutest couple ever
username10 THE WAY THE ENTIRE GRID JUST WANTED THEM TOGETHER
liked by username1, username2 and 19,736 others
f1gossip BREAKING: After months of "emergency vet visits" and mysterious cat illnesses, looks like @/alex_albon finally got the real thing 👀❤️
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username1 THE WAY I JUST SCREAMED IN PUBLIC
username2 SOMEONE HOLD ME
username3 the growth we've witnessed 😭
username4 the way the whole paddock was invested in this storyline
username5 the slow burn we deserved
username6 this is better than any romance novel
username7 ALBON NATION HOW ARE WE FEELING
username8 he way we watched this unfold all season
username9 ALEX DATING A VET FEELS SO RIGHT
username10 the clinic's security cameras probably have a whole romcom stored
username11 THE WAY HE'S SMILING 😭
username12 protect them at all costs
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liked by alex_albon, maxverstappen1 and 103,685 others
yourinstagram Trading my stethoscope for some racing earmuffs this weekend! Marie's handling the clinic while I watch someone who definitely doesn't have any more sick cats race around Silverstone 😉❤️
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username1 AWE THIS IS SO CUUUTE
username2 best couple ever i swear
clinicvet_marie Have fun! The clinic will survive 😊
username3 THE HELMETS IM CRYING
lando look who doesn't need to fake emergencies to see him anymore
↳ alex_albon I will crash this car into you
↳ landonorris worth it
username4 POWER COUPLE
username5 the most wholesome storyline ever
alexandrasaintmleux welcome to our crew 🥹🥹
williamsracing We can’t wait too see our favorite doc 😉
username6 i can’t believe alex got himself a girlfriend
alex_albon ❤️
↳ yourinstagram See you at the finish line ❤️
↳ username2 THIS IS TOO CUTE
↳ username3 I COULD CRY
username7 first race as girlfriend!
username8 she’s so supportive of him i’m sobbing
username9 this picture is so pinterest coded i’m crying
username10 I NEED THEM TO ADOPT ME
liked by yourinstagram, lando and 1,308,577 others
alex_albon First race with my lucky charm in the paddock! Turns out having a real girlfriend is better than having sick cats 😉 Thank you everyone for the amazing support today ❤️ Special thanks to @/williamsracing for the incredible car
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username1 AWEEEEEE
username2 this is the cutest post ever
yourinstagram So proud of you ❤️
↳ alex_albon ❤️
↳ username1 STOP THIS IS TOO CUTE IM CRYING
username3 MY BF HAS A GF I CANT
maxverstappen1 Once again you’re welcome
↳ username2 HES SO ANNOYING
username4 driver finds success with real girlfriend instead of fake cat emergencies
username5 THE WAY THEY'RE BOTH GLOWING
williamsracing Petition to make the lucky charm permanent
↳ alex_albon Already planned 😊
↳ username1 IM SOBBING HES SO IN LOVE
lando so this is what happens when you stop inventing diseases
↳ alex_albon I should have tried this strategy sooner
↳ charles_leclerc Ya think? 🙄
↳ username3 lmfao they’re never going to let him live that down
username6 SOMEONE FRAME THIS PICTURE AND PUT IT IN THE LOUVRE
username7 they’re so aesthetically pleasing i could cry
username8 THEY NEED TO GET MARRIED
liked by alex_albon, yourinstagram and 102,665 others
albon_pets We have a new brother! Meet Bruno Albon, the newest addition to our family! 🐾 Mom @/yourinstagram and Dad @/alex_albon adopted him together (and this time it wasn't an emergency visit excuse 😉). He's already best friends with us and loves watching F1 races!
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username1 MY HEARTTTTT
username2 oh my god bruno albon you sweet boy
f1 The family grows !
yourinstagram Our big boy ❤️
↳ alex_albon Family complete 🥰
↳ username1 STOP I'M SOBBING
username3 THE ALBON FAMILY HAS MY HEART
lando my cats demand a playdate
↳ alex_albon Your cats aren't even real Lando
↳ lando Neither were your emergencies 🤷♂️
↳ username1 IM WHEEZING
username4 they’re parents now what if i sob
username5 look at this beautiful family 😭
username6 the way they got a DOG together
username7 best F1 pet family
williamsracing Bruno already has his paddock pass
liked by yourinstagram, lando and 1,098,447 others
alex_albon A year ago I moved to Monaco and started inventing the most ridiculous cat emergencies known to veterinary science. Today I have the most amazing girlfriend, a beautiful family (including a dog who actually exists!), and somehow @/yourinstagram still hasn't banned me from her clinic 😅❤️ Best decision I ever made, even if my cats supposedly had everything from fever to existential crisis
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username1 IM SOBBING
username2 this is what to precious i’m so parasocial about them
yourinstagram From "my cat has seasonal depression" to "I love you" ❤️
↳ alex_albon Best character development 🥰
↳ username1 THE WAY THEY FLIRT IN COMMENTS NOW
username3 im so happy they found each other
lando emember when he googled "can cats get jetlag"
↳ georgerussell63 While his cats were literally at home
↳ alex_albon It was a valid question
↳ username2 ALEX WAS IN THE TRENCHES
username4 the cutest butterfly effect ever
username5 I HEAR WEDDING BELLS TIME TO START PLANNING
albon_pets mom and dad 💘
username6 this is just too sweet
username7 THE WAY ALEX HAD FAKE CAT DISEASES AND A DREAM
username8 BRUNO IS SO CUTEE
username9 if they don’t get married istg
username10 this gives me hope i can find love too
#alex albon x reader#alex albon fanfiction#alex albon smau#alex albon imagine#alex albon fic#alex albon fluff#alex albon fake instagram#f1 x reader#f1 fanfiction#f1 fic#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 fanfiction#alex albon x you#aa23 x reader#aa23 fanfiction#f1 grid x reader#formula 1 smau#harrysfolklore#alex albon x y/n#formula 1 fic
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Flirting with the FBI
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
Word count: 7.1k
Request: Hiiii!! This is my first time requesting anything on this app, but Spencer reid has me in a chokehold. So, I was thinking that the reader is the unsub, and she's like this very good hacker who keeps teasing the fbi cause she's bored or something so she keeps sending hints about who she is or where she is but they keep getting nothing on her. And all of this just keeps getting on Spencer's nerves. And so when Spencer finds her, she keeps teasing him and acting like a brat so he "disciplines" her and takes her roughly and maybe a bit of spanking???
Warnings: a lot tbh - mentions of case details, mentions of domestic violence and police brutality, reader is a possible target of a serial killer, bad tech skills from the writer who really couldn't be bothered to do anymore research than the actual CM writing team, rough Dom Spencer, brat reader, sexual innuendo, semi-public sexual play, spanking, dirty talk (good girl, brat etc.) fingering, raw sex/creampie, aftercare, slight dacryphilia (crying kink) and bimbofication.
A/N: My last fic was a heartwarming family fic, and now I'm back to being depraved. Apologies to anyone here for cute fluff 😭
Masterlist
You always thought hacking the FBI mainframe would be hard, but it's one of the easiest things you've done all week.
If they were going to sit around doing nothing while a serial killer ran around in their own backyard, then obviously, they needed a helping hand. Or a helping poem or two.
Getting into their security camera feed was just an added bonus.
You grabbed your bowl of popcorn and settled into your desk chair, clicking open the window to find which room exactly they would gather in to freak out together.
You made sure to get their attention, blacking out all the computers in the office as they ran to a backroom where a very distraught looking blonde woman was sat. She was evidently the go-to tech support of about six agents who quickly ran to her room to figure out what the issue was. It was show time.
“There once was a serial killer,
Who ate boys and girl both for his dinner,
He cut, diced and slashed,
Left the feds quite abashed,
So I leave this message to be clearer”
The poem scrolled onto their screen on a loop, flashing in and out quickly before you let the computer systems relax again.
You thought they'd panic, scramble for a pen or paper or something, but none of the agents moved until the flashing was over.
You watched curiously as an older man took charge of the scene, likely directing the woman at the desk to figure out who you were, where you lived, and what your social security number was. She got to work quickly, and he moved on to the other agents.
None of them had written the poem down. None had even taken a picture, but one man started talking, and for a while, all eyes and attention in the room were focused solely on him. His hands moved as his mouth did, as if he were casting a spell over the room as he spoke. Even more intriguing was the fact that he rarely seemed to make eye contact with any of them as he spoke. He wasn't conversing or giving directions. He was simply talking.
And you really wanted to listen in.
The younger man began to walk and you watched him quickly pace over to a whiteboard, switching from one feed to another as he made his way there, and pick up a pen before notating the poem perfectly.
Whoever this man was, he was making you feel more and more excited about the game of cat and mouse you had begun with the FBI. You weren't entirely sure if he was to be the cat or the mouse, though.
A few days later, they'd seemingly lost the motivation to work, so you again did their job for them.
With another accompanying limerick to help them along, of course.
“There once was a bullpen full of agents,
Who thought they were very surveillant,
But a simply code crack,
And there system did hack,
A young girl who lived quite adjacent.”
This time, you let the words linger on the screen longer, as you slipped your information into their files, leaving more bread crumbs they could follow to the real villain.
The Agent - Doctor, you had since learned - took up his pen once again and scribbled your first poem next to your most recent.
Doctor Spencer Reid. An IQ of 187, three PhDs and however many Bachelor's Degrees, a member of the Behavioural Analysis Unit, and, as you could somehow tell from the grainy security footage, incredibly attractive man.
He was calm, again talking with his hands as he notated, again drawing the rooms attention like he was the sun and everything needed to orbit him to sustain life. You wondered what it would be like to fluster him.
Typing something out quickly, you broke back into the FBI system. It was risky doing it again so soon again, knowing that their tech analyst was already actively hunting you down, cyber-wise. But you couldn't resist.
“The tall, dark and handsome employee,
How I do wish that he could enjoy me,
I would gladly submit,
we match wit for wit,
But he's trying his best to arrest me.”
The BAU team stood silent on the camera before the two women on the team burst into rambunctious laughter. The camera feed was archaic, black and white, and grainy to boot, but even you couldn't miss the red stain against Doctor Spencer Reid's cheeks. A bonus was the other gentlemen subtly posturing, trying to figure out exactly which of them was “tall, dark, and handsome.”
The payoff for that poem was so great that over the course of the next few days, you kept serenading him with love poems among your quick hints about the actual crime being committed.
You'd first suspected the man of being dangerous when you'd seen the state of his wife. 19 domestic disturbance calls in two months, 0 arrests, and 1 very cushy job as a police detective. You'd done some simple computer programming for your local precinct, inputting data from cases into an algorithm that helped track everything easier, so you'd been intimate with cases that he'd handled.
A pattern had emerged, a series of murders of “undesirables,” people the city didn't care about when alive and certainly didn't have the resources to allocate to after their deaths. Prostitutes, the homeless, and runaway foster kids. All missing or dead, all cases handled by the same officer. The officer that lived next door to you and was one beer away from beating his wife into submission 5 days a week.
After your third 911 call, you'd been notified of your contract termination with the precinct. After the tenth, you noticed parole cars driving by every hour.
By call number 19, you were sure it was a miracle he hadn't tried to have you arrested.
So you turned back to the FBI to see what they could do about a man who treated his wife, and basically everyone else, like scum of the earth.
“Please don't get sidetracked by my hacking,
I'm a good girl, your team I am backing,
the killer, you see,
Is right now hunting me,
You're the ones who can do better tracking.”
You watched the tension snap back into place in the office as, for the first time, Spencer Reid was silent at your message. They all got back to work quickly, going over the files you'd dropped in their servers.
That night, Spencer Reid stayed in the office late, reading through piles and piles of files and looking for the connection he needed. You watched in pity, feeling almost guilty that you'd placed this burden on him instead of just approaching them honestly. But you'd called the police before, and it hadn't worked, so getting attention anyway you could was the only way to go.
You watched for so long that you began noticing his small habits. Each time you sensed frustration, he would run a hand through his hair and tug it slightly. When he found something, he leaned in closer to the page, as if his proximity to the words would make them clearer. Finally, he stood and began clearing his files. But you weren't quite ready to sign off yet, the shouting already beginning in the apartment next to yours, so you quickly typed out the first thing that came to mind to get him to stay.
“There once was a doctor called Reid,
Who I simply and truly just need,
I would lie on my back,
And then let him attack,
Any inch of my body with his seed.”
He fumbled the files in his haste to remove your words from his screen, from every screen now in the building, face awash with embarrassment as he looked around for some sign that no one witnessed your words.
Luck was not to be had as the tech analyst - Penelope Garcia - came shooting out of her office to join him in the near empty bullpen, and the older team leader - Aaron Hotchner - also looked out over the bannister from his office as they bore witness to your seduction.
You were driving Spencer Reid crazy.
He'd spent the last two weeks tracking down a serial killer who may or may not exist based on the word of a set of limericks delivered to the BAU through illegal means that had begun unabashedly flirting with him.
This latest limerick was his last straw.
“The cameras are how I can see you,
I do find myself enjoying the view,
His hair is so fine,
I wish he was mine,
The agent with more PhDs than two.”
“Another score, pretty boy, it was about time someone noticed your good looks instead of your brain for once.” Morgan patted him on the shoulder, barely containing his glee and laughter.
“She's watching us through security feed, and that's all you have to say?” he grumbled, writing out this limerick again, the words to the others burned into his brain. “She's playing with me.”
“It sure sounds like she'd enjoy doing just that,” Emily laughed from her desk, “but I think she might be right, Spencer. Every case file she's given us has suspicious activity on it. They're all unsolved, but the victims aren't linked.”
“He's crossing race and gender boundaries, but he's hitting undesirables.”
They had a case because of you. It didn't mean he wouldn't enjoy handcuffing you and putting you in a cell once this was all finished.
“WE'VE GOT ANOTHER ONE,” Penelope shouted from her office, to no avail. If it was at one computer, it was on all of them.
“The agents grew closer by day,
As the killer wanted to escape,
He paced across the floor,
As I watched by his door,
Getting closer than the agents could say.”
He paused then for a second, thinking through each of the limericks in turn and the panic began.
“Closer than… Emily, the officer that took in all of the cases, what was his name?”
“Officer Falstaff, why?”
“I think he might be our killer. And I think he knows she's on to him, or if he doesn't, he will soon.” He stood suddenly, grabbing a file and sprinting to Penelope’s office, Emily and Morgan trailing close behind.
“Spencer, wait-”
“No time. If we want them both alive, we have to move now.”
Throwing the door to Penelope’s room open, he didn't even bother with niceties.
“Can you get her a message?” He demanded, panting from the short run.
“A wha-? Spencer, what are you talking about?”
“Can you send the hacker a message? Or leave her one so she can find it when she comes?”
Penelope swivelled around in her chair once again, doing who-knows-what to answer his question.
“There's no telling what she actually sees in our servers, Spencer, we didn't see any breach in classified files, the only thing she's done is read your personal file and drop us hints.”
His hands closed into fists as he nodded along. “So no?”
“No, Spencer, I'm sorry. Why? Are you starting to grow fond of our little helper.”
“She's not our little helper. She's a criminal. And she'll be dead soon if I don't confirm with her that we have the right guy - excuse me.”
The anger was washing over him now, as he left the room to get some air, getting only as far as the corridor before slamming an open palm into the wall and resting his forehead against it for a moment, just thinking.
The stress of the case was almost too much for him as he turned around and rested his back against the wall, sliding down it until he was sat on the floor. He may have despised you at that moment, but he didn't want you to get yourself killed.
Something nagged him, still, some stress or anger that hadn't yet surfaced, or some case fact he was missing. A glint at the corner of his eye had him looking up to the camera currently trained directly on him.
Computers are useless, he thought to himself, when you can send a letter.
The next time you sat down at your desk, you weren't exactly shocked to see an up close and personal shot of Aaron Hotchner - they'd turned your security stream into a one way facetime and you were sat directly opposite the big boss himself in an interrogation room.
“Checkmate, I guess,” you said, waiting for the man to move.
A signal from behind the camera let him know you were online and watching. He picked up a pen and paper and scribbled down something before holding the note out to you once more.
The name and location of the bastard next door. They'd done it, and now you simply had to drop your evidence, shut down your computer, and wait for the sirens to sound.
You felt slightly sad typing out your last message, knowing that you had no more reason to stay in touch with the team now. Still, you were only human and couldn't resist the chance to say something more.
“Aaron Hotchner and his clever team,
Working with you has been like a dream,
When Reid comes it is wet,
And my mind is all set,
Oh, I do wish that he'd make me cream.”
The camera turned seconds after your message was sent, and there he was, reading intently, frow creased in annoyance as he tried to remain calm. He, too, picked up a pen and paper.
“I have questions,” the paper said when he turned it around. Holding it up for a few seconds before returning his pen to paper. You typed out a message before he could finish dictating his, though.
“When you find me there's lots for me to say,
I can't help simply feeling this way,
Your profile I read,
Can't believe you're a Fed,
I yearn for you all night and day.”
Somehow, the lines between his brow deepened as he quickly scribbled out another message. This one wasn't a question, though. It was simply two words.
He'd written your name on that paper. He'd found you.
You weren't sure if the tingle that ran up your spine was fear or anticipation. One one hand, you'd likely committed multiple felonies in the pursuit of justice, and the SWAT team about to pick up the killer was going to knock for you, too. On the other hand, it was pretty much a given that you would be seeing Spencer Reid in person in the next few hours.
“The Doctor had finally cracked it,
The only identity that could fit,
The pretty young thing,
Who'd been flirting with him,
And was thinking of sitting on his…”
You sent a second message along with the first.
“I couldn't make this one rhyme, Doc. Come and get me.”
The sound of the FBI outside your neighbour's door had you stepping away from the computer finally. It was time to get ready to see him. You stepped out of your robe and into the shower as you waited to be collected and hauled into a police vehicle.
xxx
So far, you were a bit disappointed by the look of the BAU offices. It was smaller than it appeared on the CCTV, and you hadn't exactly given the tour. Unless the whole tour was the wall from the elevators, through the bullpen and straight to interrogation room one. You were also slightly embarrassed that you had yet to be greeted by any of your favourite characters yet. The lead swat officer had led you in some desk agents dropping by to have you fill out some simple documents - waiving your rights and all that. You'd seen not even a single member of the BAU since dropping in two hours ago, but you felt his eyes on you.
You faced the mirror, trying your best to stare straight through it and into the man beyond.
Spencer Reid was there. He had to be. He was too curious to be anywhere else. You smiled at him through the mirror and waited.
You were right, of course. Spencer stood on the opposite side of the one-way window and watched you look for him in every inch of the glass. He watched you squirm when you couldn't find anything, watched you pick at your nails as he made you wait.
He watched you cross and uncross your legs, the short skirt you'd slipped into just before you left providing just enough mystery to catch his eye and his breath.
He was annoyed, frustrated, a little bit impressed, anxious, and - to his peril - turned on.
“Spencer,” Hotch said, breaking the man's concentration. “We can't keep her that much longer. Go in and say something, or I'll cut her loose.”
Reluctantly, he pulled his eyes away and stepped out of the waiting room before letting himself into yours.
“Miss Y/N, my name is Doctor Spencer Reid, I'm a profiler working with the Behavioural An-”
“You're joking, right?” You asked, eyes lighting up, spine straightening as you looked up at the man. “I know who you are, Doc.”
“Please call me Doctor Reid,” he asked, setting down a file on the table and looking over the desk at you.
“Oh, I don't even get your first name.” You lifted your leg and ran it along the side of his until he moved his chair back, just out of reach. You pouted as he began reading through documents, asking you to confirm exactly which technical breaches you were responsible for.
“And the breach at 1:27pm on Thursday 5th-”
“Yes, that was me, too. They were all me, Doc, is that all? Are we finished now?”
“I don't know, are we finished? Can I leave?”
“No,” you shouted, just as he stood up to gather his things. “No, don't go. I want to talk to you.”
He sat back down, finally looking at you instead of words on a page.
“Do you enjoy attention, Miss Y/N?” He asked, voice cold but gaze burning like fire into your skin.
“As much as anyone does.”
“Do you enjoy my attention?” The words hung between you for a few minutes as you watched him carefully, searching for the right answer.
“What do you think, Doc?”
“Doctor Spencer Reid,” he repeated reflexively.
“I know your name,” you smiled, and he finally looked away, breaking contact to regroup for a second.
“We have reason to believe you used your backdoor into our system to access my personal file, is that correct?” It may have been asked as a question, but Spencer Reid already knew the answer.
“Yes, I did.”
“Why?”
You laughed at the simple question, sure that your behaviour until this point was evidence enough to answer it.
“Why? Because you're attractive and your smart and-”
“Why haven't you used the content of the files as leverage? I've been digging at you for the last half hour, and you have plenty of ammunition to throw back at me, yet you haven't. Why?”
For the first time in a while, you were speechless.
“Oh. Wow. Should I have said something? Would you have felt more comfortable if I were a horrible person using your background to make you feel vulnerable?”
“Why, Y/N?”
You sighed and looked back up at him.
“I'm interested in you. That's it. Honestly, there is nothing in your file more interesting than how you look running your hands through your hair.”
His jaw clenched and unclenched before he let out a sigh.
“So you're a compulsive liar.” He said it so finitely it was like a kick in the teeth.
“Or maybe you're just insecure. I can help with that.”
He shot you another warning look as a grin spread over your lips. Yes, it was very fun to mess with Spencer Reid.
“FBI Agents aren't allowed to sleep with suspects.”
“You want to sleep with me?”
His eyes went wide as he realized his mistake, mouth opening and closing as he tossed another annoyed look in your direction.
The door to the interrogation room opened, and Reid quickly bolted out of his seat as Aaron Hotchner entered. The two men shared a nod before the younger man left the room entirely.
“Such a shame, I thought we were really getting somewhere.”
To your surprise, Hotchner’s lips curled up in a laugh as he sat down, straightening his suit.
“Miss Y/N, we've reviewed the information you've given us and taken into account your motives, and the FBI has decided not to prosecute you for your actions.”
You sat for a minute, Hotch doing the same, the both of you caught waiting for each other to say something or continue.
“But?” You prodded, knowing there was more left to say.
“But, we'd ask for your cooperation on cases in the future that require technological man-power. In a consultancy role, of course. You wouldn't be given a badge or a gun or any clearance, and you'd need to be with an agent at all times.”
You tapped your fingers against the desk, trying to figure out if this deal was beneficial or not.
“I'll do it if I can pick the Agent.”
Now, the man was fully smiling at you or giving you what you assumed passed for a smile in his books.
“We had recommended Doctor Reid for the role. Of course, if you're more comfortable with another agent, you can-”
“Doctor Reid is perfect, thank you.”
The man nodded and stood, and you stood with him as he led you quietly out of the room.
A flustered Spencer Reid exited the adjoining room, hurrying to catch Hotch before he really signed his life away to you.
“Hotch, what is this?” He demanded, stopping the man in his tracks. They both paused, turning around and moved a few feet awaywfrom.you whispering out their argument.
You couldn't catch most of it, but you did happen to catch the phrases “man-eater,” “I'm not good with people,” and “Spencer, this will be good for you.” Victory in the end went to Hotch, who promptly turned on his heel and kept walking down the hall.
“I work here now,” you said, grinning up at Spencer.
“No, you don't.”
“According to your boss, I do. And you're my babysitter.”
“You're a criminal. You hacked into the FBI database to leave ominous clues to multiple murders.”
“If you call those ominous clues, I'm curious how people usually flirt with you.”
“They don't. Why…why are we having this conversation?”
He stormed off ahead of you, and you quickened your pace to catch up to him, following him down a familiar hallway to what was obviously tech central at the BAU.
“Spencer, seriously? You're walking around looking like that, and no one hits on you?”
He stopped abruptly, and you ran into his back before he turned around to scowl at you again.
“Can we keep this serious, please?”
“I'm very serious about flirting with you, and I'm stumped why more people aren't.”
“Okay, let's go somewhere and talk,” his hand landed on your waist, readying his grip to forcibly move you if need be.
“I thought that's what we were doing.” Instead of allowing him to move you, you leaned into his touch, stepping closer and raising a hand to his chest, as his head dipped to maintain eye contact.
“No, this isn't talking, this is some weird foreplay I've never heard of, and I'd like you to leave my office if you're going to continue,” the woman sat at the desk exclaimed, horror and amusement fighting a battle for her facial expressions. “I like to keep my office a no trauma zone, so please take a walk to the nearest bed or storage closet or car and you can shove your tongues down each other's throats in peace and out of my sight, please and thank you.”
Spencer tried to step away, but a hand on his tie kept him close and kept his eyes on you. You poked your head out around him and smiled at the other woman.
“Sorry to disturb you. I'm Y/N. Based on the tech, I assume we will be working with each other soon.”
“Oh my gosh, you were, like, my number one most hated person last week. Penelope Garcia, tech analyst.”
“I'm sorry about that. If it makes it any better, it was really hard to get past some of your firewalls. And I couldn't even touch the classified files.”
“Apology accepted, on the condition that you lead young Reid out of my office right now before he explodes.”
You grinned and grabbed the man's hand, sending Penelope a quick goodbye as you pulled him out of the room.
He stumbled behind you for a few moments before catching up and pulling you in a different direction, keeping your hands intertwined as he bee-lined for the elevators and pushed the button to go down.
It arrived, and he pulled you in, not releasing your grip until the doors were fully closed and you were alone.
“Getting me all alone, Doc? What do you have in mind?”
“I'm driving you home.”
“My apartment is a crime scene, and I have no family in the city.”
“What about friends?”
“I've been stalked by a homicidal police officer for the last month and barricaded myself into an apartment. Do you think I have friends?”
His gaze was somewhat softer as he looked at you again. You saw the math happening in his head as he tried to figure out what to do with you. You also saw his brain short circuiting when you wrapped yourself around his arm.
“We're friends now, Doc. Isn't that right?”
“What?”
“We're friends,” you repeated again, tone becoming a little defensive in a pout.
“We are not friends, Y/N. We've known each other for less than 6 hours, and we haven't engaged in any friendly conversation.”
“We've known each other for two weeks, and I've been more than friendly enough for the both of us.”
The elevator stopped, and the doors opened. Gesturing for you to go first, Spencer hurried you out of the elevator and into the parking garage.
“Trust me, Spencer, deep down, part of you really wants to be friends with me,” you said poking his chest with a finger. You couldn't resist flattening your hand against his surprisingly hard chest and letting the hand drop slightly.
“And an ever deeper down part of you doesn't want to be friends at all,” you smiled at him.
He caught your wrist before it could reach his belt buckle, your unconscious finish line, spinning you around and dragging you to his car.
The biting cold of metal cutting into your wrists was the first indication that maybe Spencer Reid wasn't as easy to mess with as you'd hoped. He closed the handcuffs around your wrists and handed you into the car as you gaped at him.
“Spencer!”
“Doctor Spencer Reid.”
“I’m not a criminal, Spencer, let me go.”
“I'll let you go when you prove to me you can behave.”
You pouted as he strapped you into the car and closed the door, walking around to the passenger side before letting himself in.
“What's next? Are you going to gag me?” You scoffed as he turned over the engine and began backing out of the parking lot.
“No. I think you'd enjoy that too much.”
The drive to Spencer's apartment was long and quiet as you sat pouting in the passenger seat. Every few seconds, you twisted and moved your arms, fidgeting left and right so he could see how much the restraints bothered you. Luckily, he'd handcuffed your hands in front of your body, so you still sat somewhat comfortably, but you didn't want him to know that.
He pulled up to the building and turned off the engine, pulling out his keys.
“Let's go,” he said, not even sparing you a look as he climbed out.
“Spencer, I'm handcuffed. How do I even get out?”
“You'll figure it out. You're a smart girl, right?”
He closed his door and began walking, and you quickly fumbled your way out.
“Spencer… Spencer, your neighbours are going to ask questions about you bringing a handcuffed girl into your apartment!” You whispered at him as you paced behind him, somehow running to catch up with his mere walk.
“I don't have neighbours like you, Y/N. They won't notice a thing.”
“Right, okay. And when you murder a dozen people over a six month period, they won't hack the federal government.” You rolled your eyes as he unlocked the door, taking your arm and finally handing you into the apartment.
It was dark and cold, and you shivered, feeling his body pushed in right behind yours, closing the door before he felt around for the light switch.
When the lights turned on, you blinked, adjusting to the light again as he walked you further into the apartment, hands on your hips as you slowly stumbled forward.
“Can you take the handcuffs off now?” You asked, looking over your shoulder at him.
“And let you touch my things? No.”
You shook off his hands and walked further into the room.
“You know I can still mess with your stuff with my hands tied up like this,” you said, walking to the nearest bookshelf.
“Whoops, look at that,” you said, pulling a book off the shelf and letting it fall to the floor between you with a thud.
“Y/N!” He exclaimed, voice pitched up in exasperation.
“Oh, this stack of books on the ground looks well organized. Oopsie!” You acted out tripping over the books, sending them flying in different directions.
“One more time, Y/N, mess with my stuff one more time-”
You didn't hear the words as you pulled yet another book off his shelf and let it tumble to the ground.
He was on you in seconds, lifting your wrists and pinning them to the top shelf, pressing his body against yours as he stretched you out.
You gasped at both the sudden contact and the tight grip he now had on your hands.
“Tell me, do you actually want to be in control, or do you just think you should want to be in control?”
“What's the difference?”
“The difference is how much you enjoy it. I think you're only being a brat to get a rise out of me. You're doing this because there's no one else in your life that will give you exactly what you crave."
"And what would that be?"
"Attention," he whispered into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.
“Great, thanks for the therapy. Are you going to show me how much I can enjoy relinquishing control now?”
“Brat,” he spat at you.
“Fed,” you spat back.
“You have a problem with law enforcement?” He asked, his breath hitting your ear as you tried not to shiver again at his touch.
“My neighbour was a serial killer whose day job was police brutality," you said, as if the answer was obvious, but Spencer still stared, waiting for true confirmation.
“Yes I have a problem with law enforcement. What, are you going to spank me?”
His eyes lit up, and you suddenly wondered if you'd made a mistake.
“You'd like that, wouldn't you?”
“N-No.” You stuttered, but he'd already begun moving you over to his couch.
“It was a joke. Spencer, it was a joke, don't-”
You underestimated his strength as he flipped you around and guided you down over his lap. Keeping your hips raised, he used one hand to hold you down while the other pushed up your tight skirt.
“S-Spencer, I really don't think-”
“Then don't think,” he said, bringing his hand down hard on your ass as you cried out in shock and pain.
“Stop thinking. You think too much, let me do it for you.”
With each hit, your shock grew fuzzy, melting into pleasure as you felt wetness pooling between your thighs.
The doctor you thought would be an easy target was not sadistically returning every teasing word back to you with his hands, letting bruises blossom all over your ass as he delivered painfully arousing strikes.
His hand stopped and he rubbed your ass as you twitched at the gentleness, panties sticking to the folds of your cunt as you absent mindedly pushed up into his touch.
“See, now you're listening,” he said, fingers trailing down to touch you over the sopping undergarments.
With two quick fingers, the crotch of your panties peeled away from your skin and he was plunged deep inside you, fingers pressing in as his thumb found its way to your clit.
“Fuck, Spencer-”
“Doctor Reid. You can use my full title now or you don't get to cum.”
“D-Doctor Reid, please!” His thumb rubbed slowly over your clit bit his fingers didn't move as you shuddered and contracted around them.
“Please what?” He asked, voice light as if he wasn't two knuckles deep in you already.
“Please make me cum, Doctor Reid!”
“Good manners,” he said as he finally began pumping his digits in and out of you, spreading your legs wider as you clawed your hands into his couch cushions to ground yourself in the moment. His spare hands left your wrists, and you felt them again, delivering small, almost cute hits to your ass as you twitched around his fingers, shying away from the painful contact.
“That's it, Y/N, let yourself relax,” he whispered, shifting his weight underneath you as you became aware of the tent in his pants.
Your brain was jello as you tried to bounce back on his fingers, chasing your oncoming orgasm.
“Look at you, trying to cum on my hands. You're just an attention-seeking slut, right?”
His fingers continued ppimg as your tongue hung loosely in your mouth.
“Answer me, or I'll leave you here high and dry, Y/N. Tell me you're an attention seeking slut that's been fingering yourself to the thought of this for weeks.”
“I-I'm an a-atten…tion seeking s-slut,” you stifled a moan and bit back tears as he pressed another finger inside of you. “Spencer I can't I need to cum,” you cried, tears spilling down your cheeks pathetically.
“Say it.”
“I'm an attention seeking s-slut that's been th-thinking about this-”
“Fingering yourself,” he corrected.
“Fingering myself to the thought of this for w-weeks,” you cried, sniffing now as your thighs shook in anticipation.
“What a nasty little slut,” he said as you finally came, your cum running down his fingers as he kept his hands moving.
Your tears were falling freely now as you bit back little sobs and chokes of emotions, the pleasure from the orgasm almost too much to handle.
Underneath you, Spencer shifted, freeing himself from his position and laying you fully down on the sofa as your legs still shook.
“There once was a doctor called Reid,” he said, unzipping his pants as he took up his place behind you.
They were your words, and your body signalled warnings everywhere as his hands pulled your hips up once more, pulling your knees up too to bend under you, laying you face down ass up.
“Who I simply and truly just need.”
He pulled the panties down to the crook of your knees before leaning down over you so he could deliver the next few lines as whispers into your ear.
“I would lie on my back, And then let him attack, Any inch of my body with his seed.”
A weak moan escaped your lips as he sank his cock inside of you, lips still pressed against your ears.
“I don't want you on your back, though. I much prefer you like this.”
His cock slid out of you and returned with a speed and strength that had your eyes rolling back in your head.
He was thick, maybe a little longer than average, and he filled you perfectly using your cum as lubricant.
“Such a good listener, now, Y/N. I like you like this,” he said with a moan, thrusting hard and deep inside of you.
You didn't talk. You could only drool and moan into his couch as he emptied your brain one thrust at a time.
You didn't think about how he wasn't wearing a condom. You didn't think about how he'd spat your words back at you, ready to fill you with his seed. You just sat in a pool of your own pleasure and let Spencer Reid use your body as you'd been begging him to for weeks.
He raised your hips and gave one last thrust, stilling there for a second as he filled your empty body and mind with his cum and his entire being.
If you weren't obsessed with Doctor Spencer Reid before this, you certainly were now.
He pulled out of you quickly, wiping his cock on your skirt before hurrying off to the bathroom to clean up.
Your brain was still absent when he returned, cleaning you off and finally removing the handcuffs. He removed your clothes, replacing them with his spares as he threw the soiled ones into the wash.
When you regained your wits or what was left of them, you were laid out in his bed, wrapped in a blanket and stuffed into a sweater and sweats, fully covered from head to toe. Spencer was picking up his keys and trying his shoelaces.
“Where are you going?’ You asked sleepily, stumbling to the doorway. Your legs were still shaky, and your movement was already limited. You knew that tomorrow, the use of your limbs would be nonexistent.
“Back to the office. Now that you're not around, maybe I'll be able to get some actual work done.”
“Spencer,” you said, forcing him to turn around to look back at you.
Before he could say anything else, you pressed your lips to his, hot and needy, wrapping your arms around his neck as he kissed back, slipping his tongue into your mouth and pressed you into the wall next to the door.
When you both pulled away for breath, you detangled your limbs, smoothing out his shirt and readjusting his tie.
He looked down at you, waiting for you to say something else as you met his gaze, grinning at him.
“I look forward to working with you, Doctor Reid.”
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid smut#mgg#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fandom#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid criminal minds#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x reader smut#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n
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pairing: wolf!toji fushiguro x reader summary: wolfhybrid!toji, grumpy x sunshine again, animalistic behavior, bickering rheya’s note: man i couldn’t stop thinking about guard dog toji so it turned into a hybrid au! i can’t see him as anything but a wolf/dog tbh. anyways i will def be writing more for this au hehe <33
you’ve been hearing noises.
it sounds strange, but you’re sure that there is something lurking in the normally deserted alleyway next to your apartment. at first you brushed it off as people traveling through, but now you've noticed the sounds are constant—every night.
you’re eating dinner when you hear the sounds of scuffling, followed by the yowl of a cat and realize you’re probably dealing with a stray looking for food.
so after you finish your meal, you put a bit of leftover fish in an old plate you seldom use, and take it outside. when you peer into the dark alley you don’t see any cat—it’s empty and quiet. you do notice a few scrapes on the walls and a couple of trash bins overturned, which means there definitely was some animal here.
maybe it’ll come back, you think as you bend down and place the plate on the pavement. with one last backward glance at the deserted alleyway, you head inside and go to bed.
a fond smile stretches across your face when you notice the empty plate as you’re leaving for work the next morning.
it becomes a daily routine after that. every night before you go to bed you go out and leave a little plate of fish for the poor cat. and every morning you’re met with a licked clean plate.
even though you never do see the cat, you do feel a strange combination of accomplishment and affection for the poor thing. and your little routine runs smoothly for a couple weeks—you have no complaints.
and then one night, when you’re going to drop off your little ration of the day, you see him. despite being hunched in a corner, he looms infinitely large—heavy shoulders and muscles straining as they fill with tension at your presence. his eyes are strangely bright, crystalline jade narrowed into slits as they appraise you, teeth bared in feral anger. they snap and snarl at you in warning, and you freeze almost immediately.
he’s terrifying—in a strangely gorgeous way.
dark furry ears are pointed up straight, twitching with the sound of your movements, and a warning growl bounces over the walls.
you raise your hands, ignoring the tremble, the instinct to run. “i just…” you keep your voice low, choosing to lightly shake the little plate you have in your hand. green eyes dart over—another snarl, a flick of a tail.
you slowly crouch and place the plate onto the ground, before backing away—you’re not trying to get attacked by a clearly feral hybrid.
he snarls and growls until you are well out of sight.
when you’re back in the safety of your apartment you almost laugh, heart pounding with disbelief. you thought you’d been feeding a stray cat—but no, it’s a hybrid. a big one, predatory in all aspects. you couldn’t see much in the dark lighting of the alley but the ears looked distinctly canine—with the addition of the teeth, claws, and tail, you’re almost sure he is some kind of dog or wolf or whatever.
dangerous for sure.
sensibly, you should probably stop feeding him so he doesn’t stick around. but stupidly, you can’t help it.
the next night you leave another plate. he’s not there this time, but you leave it just in case he’s lurking.
the following night his green eyes remain narrowed on your figure as you return—still snarling as he watches you.
you’re not fazed.
(tell that to your racing heart.)
over the course of the next few weeks, you repeat this process, not really sure what you’re expecting. you suppose you should be grateful that he doesn’t growl as much anymore, seemingly becoming accustomed to your routine presence. it becomes clockwork, so much so that you can always expect him to be sitting in the alley, ears flicking at the sounds of your footsteps.
the plate has now been saved for his little nightly meals, something you don’t necessarily mind. you notice that he is always clad in the same tattered clothing, a dark shirt that is far too loose even on his large body—it is littered with dirt and holes and you wish it was easier to offer some more comfortable items to him.
but you’ve only just gotten him to stop viewing you as a threat; you’ll take it slow.
you don’t notice that he gradually waits closer and closer to where he knows you leave the plate, the distance diminishing in a display of semi trust.
you think that this is all you’ll really get from him. which is fine—you’d rather he remain silent and alive than dead from starvation in your alleyway.
he surprises you one night.
“no more fish.”
you pause in your tracks, a few measly centimeters away from putting the plate on the ground. your eyes dart upward to see him already staring at you, jade slits narrowed. his tail flicks lazily in the shadows. your voice is breathless when you ask, “w-what?”
“fish,” he repeats. “no more of it.”
his voice is a low rumble, deep in richness and timbre despite its evidence of not being used in a while. you glance down at the plate in confusion—he had eaten it all for these few weeks?
he reaches for the plate, digging into the fish with practiced ease. you watch his canines dig into the flesh and tear away like it’s mere paper.
(should you be scared that the fish could also be your throat?)
“you uh—” you clear you throat, staring at him. “you don’t like fish?”
“i can survive off it,” he spits out in between bites—his pupils find yours. “but it’s not great.”
you don’t know why you’re so eager to make him happy. “then what would you like to eat?”
he quirks a brow at the enthusiasm, but answers gruffly. “meat. real meat.” he pauses to run his tongue over his lips, satiated—you can see a scar cutting over them. “like lamb. or beef. i don’t care really.”
“i can do that!” you’re seriously embarrassed at how keen you are, but the progress you’re making excites you. “i should’ve considered what you’d naturally like to eat. you’re a…?”
“wolf,” he grunts, still focused on his meal.
“right.” you nod, grateful to have confirmed the species. “makes sense you’d prefer real meat.”
he doesn’t answer. you don’t mind.
“then i’ll get you something different tomorrow.” you turn to leave. once again he doesn’t answer, but you can feel his eyes boring holes into your back.
you don’t tell the wolf hybrid that you stayed up researching his species just to figure out what he’d like. you just place the plate down the next night, hoping that it is enough to make him feel a little more comfortable with you.
(you’re sure he could kill you with just one bite, but you try not to think about that.)
the wolf watches you present the plate of lamb meat, some pieces cooked and some raw—his tail slowly thumps against the ground.
“i um…know that wolves like deer and stuff, but getting deer meat nearby is a little difficult. i can probably go find some places over the weekend,” you say hesitantly, watching his expression. he reaches a large palm out, claws tugging the plate closer, and digs in. you’re not sure about the taste, but you can see the rise in enthusiasm as he gobbles the meat down—a smile twitches at your lips.
“it’s fine,” he mumbles in return. “deer’s expensive. i like lamb and chicken. beef too.”
you nod, surprised at the consideration for the money you’re spending.
“do…do you prefer it raw or cooked?” you wait for him to click his tongue or indicate he’s getting annoyed by your presence, but he’s feeling forthcoming tonight.
“either’s fine.” he licks up the pinkish liquid that has dripped down his chin while biting into the raw pieces. “i’m used to raw meat.”
you nod, slowly taking a seat on the pavement. his eyes flicker up to watch what you’re doing, but he doesn’t protest. he just picks up another piece of lamb and takes a bite.
“you cook this?” he grunts, waving one of the cooked pieces. you grimace, nodding sheepishly.
“yeah. i wasn't sure if you'd like raw meat or cooked so i brought both. i can just bring raw pieces from now on.”
he peers at the cooked meat in between his claws, before shaking his head gruffly. “it’s pretty good.”
“the cooked meat?” you ask in surprise. he nods.
“yeah. tastes good.”
you can’t help the grin that stretches across your face.
“the fuck are you smilin’ about?” he narrows his eyes at you, ears pointing upright. you drop the smile hastily, shaking your head with a start.
“nothing!”
he snorts, continuing to eat. you watch him do so, strangely content. he doesn’t comment on how you’re seemingly inspecting him, eyes unblinking. he keeps his mouth shut because the taste of meat is heavy on his tongue, and at this point you’re a godsend to an animal like him.
so if you want to observe him like he’s in a fucking zoo, he’s fine with that.
you do have horrible survival instincts though. he wonders why on earth you seem so comfortable around a predator like him, especially a species that is so known to be violent. you’re just sitting there, a mere five feet away, watching him tear into raw meat with stars in your eyes.
(he could tear you apart in a second if he wanted to.)
he doesn’t leave a morsel on the plate, and you give him that same silly smile again.
“i have a little bit more cooked lamb leftover if you want?” you question him, and his eyes lazily roam over you. he thinks about telling you that he could devour meat for much longer if the supply was endless, but instead he huffs.
“did you eat?”
you blink. “me?”
“yeah you,” he replies harshly, rolling his eyes. “did you eat?”
you awkwardly scratch at your arm. “not yet. i was gonna eat some instant noodles later.”
“why the fuck are you worried about a stray like me then?” he snarls, crossing his arms—you’re so fucking naive. “go eat the cooked lamb and worry about yourself, for fuck’s sake.”
while his harsh tone would’ve definitely scared you on day one, this time, you feel more ticked off than afraid.
“i’m a grown ass adult. don’t tell me what to do. if i wanna worry about the noisy stray in my alleyway, i’ll do that,” you shoot back indignantly, mirroring his crossed arms.
the wolf’s demeanor changes, hackles rising. his ears go erect, straight and tense with frustration. he bares his teeth at you, a warning growl coming through them. “lot of talk for someone so damn tiny,” he barks. “don’t you have any self preservation instincts? i could just fucking eat you instead.”
you go a little slack jawed at that, a flicker of hesitation, but then you retort. “maybe, but i bet humans don’t taste as good as lamb or deer!”
“i’ll make do,” he growls back, canines pulling into an evil smirk.
your bravado dies down, and then he has to deal with the disturbingly wounded pout on your face. you don’t say anything more and he sighs heavily.
“i’ll eat more if you eat,” he grunts, glaring at the pavement. even then, he can feel the way you perk up.
“i’ll be right back!” you grab his plate and hurry into your apartment, eager, and all he can do is sigh, wondering what on earth he’s doing interacting with a fragile little human like you.
you come back with more cooked lamb in his designated plate, placing it in front of him before taking a seat on the floor again. he watches you stab at the pieces with a fork and chew on them, so dainty compared to the way his canines dig into his own share.
he can feel the curiosity thrumming through your veins, no doubt burning with questions—the need to talk to him. but you stay quiet as you eat, the sounds of chewing echoing through the alley. he concedes.
“you make it a habit to feed strays?” he mutters. you look up, once again sporting that silly look of surprise at his attention, but you recover quickly.
“no not really. you were just…really loud.” you sheepishly grin when he pins you with a glare, raising your hands innocently. “i just heard a lot of rattling around out here. i thought you were a stray cat.”
he takes offense to that.
“i ain’t no damn cat,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes as he bites into the flesh of another piece. your grin widens.
“clearly.”
the rest of the short meal passes in silence. he finishes up before you do, and for the first time you see him stand to his full height—he’s tall and hulking.
“well,” he grunts, shoving his clawed hands into his dirty pockets. “y’should go inside and finish that.”
he nods at your bowl before turning away. you briefly wonder where he sleeps; perhaps the park nearby so that he can rest on soft grass rather than cold stone. the thought makes you pity him more than you did.
his retreating form suddenly pauses, and he turns to stare over his shoulder—his jade eyes glow in the darkness. “see y’tomorrow.”
a wide smile stretches across your face, and you wave back, giddy. “sure! see you tomorrow…” your voice trails off at the end. the wolf rolls his eyes heavily, before turning around and continuing his walk.
“toji.” he finishes for you, voice low and yet still clear.
you bite back a laugh of disbelief. “toji,” you repeat, and it rolls off your tongue like butter. his ears twitch at the sound, surprisingly pleasant, and he grumbles in return, vanishing into the night.
he ends up keeping his promise.
#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#toji x you#jujutsu kaisen drabbles#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk fluff#jjk angst#toji fluff#toji angst#fushiguro toji x reader#zenin toji x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#toji x y/n#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro fluff#toji fushiguro angst#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jujutsu kaisen angst#toji drabbles#fushiguro toji#jjk hybrid au#wolf hybrid toji#hybrid toji
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Mr. Gap as Your Portable BF!
Welp, the people wanted Mr. Gap so I give Mr. Gap HCs (I’ll do Mr. Silvair another time, maybe this Friday or smth), I’m gonna do both a switch of MC and Mr. Gap in the Otherworld and maybe do some sorta twist towards the end like the Blissful Love Life ending from Mr. Crawling’s route except Mr. Gap became a stowaway fbejbfjsndjbsd
⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Gap being the fucking prankster he is, always doing the 'funny haha' because he thinks it hilarious just having a pair of organs for literally no reason. It gets hella annoying at times but HEY! He can be pretty helpful at times.
⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Gap is a bit of a braggart I mean like— the guy literally showed you a little newspaper clipping with his face in the photo and just dipped without another explanation.
⭑.ᐟ — Because Mr. Gap’s pretty much able to go wherever he pleases since he’s popping outta nowhere from the holes in the wall, a box, and literally anything that has a gap in it. So he’s got an eye on you at all times even when you least expect it, mostly just watching from places that’s out of your view.
⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Gap probably doesn’t like Mr. Scarletella much, the guy’s pretty weird anyhow for actively tracking you in the Ghost Apartments, so he may give a hand every now and then whenever you run into him. If you’re ever near any places with a hole in the wall or a vent of course.
⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Gap the first time he’s getting any affection whether they’re like small kisses, head pats, or you try to hug him, he would be a little against them at first tbh. Then he’d disappear for some time then and the next time he shows up he’s asking for kisses or whatever. Major cat behaviour stuff.
⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Gap probably appears under the covers whenever you’re dead asleep just to leech off of your warmth, by the time you’re waking up he’s already gone.
⭑.ᐟ — It’s somewhat better than Mr. Gap asking if he could take your fingers, your heart, or any of your body parts, but don’t think he’s gonna stop asking for those.
⭑.ᐟ — Your whole relationship with Mr. Gap at first is kind of questionable at best, there’s sort of a love hate thing going on your end but Mr. Gap doesn’t hold anything against you, he just finds you interesting and fun to tease sometimes.
⭑.ᐟ — Now imagine Blissful Love Life from Mr. Crawling’s route except Mr. Gap decided to tag along unbeknownst to you, you later got a jumpscare from Mr. Gap appearing in a drawer.
⭑.ᐟ — This man’s making an absolute ruckus around in your house, making you go on the wildest goose chase for any of your belongings, it’s even more difficult and annoying whenever Mr. Gap takes something the morning as you’re getting ready to go to work. He doesn’t want you to leave, he wants you to stay. Fuck your job even, those people don’t treat you right anyways. >:(
⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Gap absolutely DETESTS getting bathed, the first time trying to get him to clean up was unsuccessful as he holed himself up somewhere in the walls of your home. He didn’t show up for a day until his mood was less grouchy.
⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Gap goes against whatever you tell him to, mostly. But he will listen if you’re that firm about it. He’s DEFINITELY not listening whenever you tell him to stay at home, but it’s too boring at home just staying there with Mr. Crawling! He’ll just tag along with you to work anyways.
⭑.ᐟ — Since your boyfriend (??) is also portable, you can have him chilling in your bag while you go about your day, a nice bonus being he can keep whatever pickpockets or thieves from stealing your things. And nobody would want to touch your bag unless they want to get bitten or lose a finger or their whole hand.
⭑.ᐟ — Your bag is basically a black hole now with Mr. Gap in it, he’ll give you whatever things you’re trying to look for but also keep them from you until you give him a kiss. If you don’t, it’s bye-bye to your wallet/phone for now.
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ateez unholy hours - kinks
some kinks I could see ateez members having.
warnings: MDNI!, mentions of freakteez idk, kinks
author's note: I'm quite literally running a fever right now and this is where my brain went. I have two psych degrees and this is what I'm using them for. If you're offended by any of this, I guess scroll on, it's not even serious.
word count: 700ish
hongjoong: somnophilia. hear me out, the man keeps weird hours. you're not guaranteed to be awake when he gets home. he's hesitant at first, but you've had a long discussion about it, and he starts to be brave and explore it, he's SO hooked. watching your face scrunch up in the dim light at his first touches, only for it to turn to gasps of pleasure as you wake up to him pushing inside you. it's 3am on a tuesday and neither of you could care less.
seonghwa: finacial domination. look, the guy has money, there's no denying that. but the idea of you telling him how he can spend it? it fucks with his brain in the best ways. oh, he wants that new lego set? he better be good for you all week and prove he deserves it. when he spends within his means of the allowance you give him and you reward him for it? his brain short circuits. he hopes he forgets what bank he uses, he never wants to think about being in control of his account again.
yunho: size kink this, breeding kink that. i hear you and i agree HOWEVER, that man is eating your ass. sorry. he just is. the man is captain of freakteez and he's the king of oral fixation. he's obsessed with finding different ways to get you off, and his sexual appetite knows no bounds. he's not mingi, he's not afraid of getting his hands dirty (metaphorically). you might be worried about it being unsanitary at first, but once he gets you in the shower and helps you wash - everywhere - you feel much better about it. and let me tell you, you won't regret it.
yeosang: ear fetish. i read a fic (shout out to op) about this, forgot what the specific -philia is called and I really don't want to fumble around on google to find it, but all i can say is yes. yeosang is an odd duck but also a rule follower, which leads me to believe he's very curious about the taboo, but not something so taboo that would be risky or anything. he just wants to lick your ears a little. let him. just look at him and tell me you wouldn't let him do it.
san: he wants to fuck your titties. hear me out, he has smallish hands already, which means that even if you're rocking some a cups, they would feel sizeable in his hands. hell, his tits might even be bigger than yours. doesn't matter. he's squeezing and torturing (pos) yours any chance he gets. something about this whiny pouty water sign man begging you let him do it because he's so curious just. ugh. yeah.
mingi: chastity. mingi is sooooo subby, especially for the right person and for that person (pick me!) he would be so eager to please and to prove that he could be good. he's constantly poking our eyes out with that thang on stage, as well as touching it subconciously any chance he gets. can you imagine, locking him up for all of tour? his whiny phone calls. teasing him. how desperate and needy he'd be for you when he finally got home and you could give him some relief.
wooyoung: body hair. i stand by him being a lowkey furry and you know what, whatever that man wants, tbh. i just think the first time you stopped shaving for the winter, it would unlock a whole different side of him. he wouldn't be able to stop touching your newly fuzzy legs and he'd bury his pretty nose in your softy, downy armpits. he'd finally show you the cat ears he's been wanting to wear while he fucks you. meow meow.
jongho: this mischievous little shit sweetheart wants to push the limits on what he can get away with as far as fucking you in public goes. fingers between your thighs at the restaurant, fucking you on a balcony at a hotel, on the tour bus, plane bathroom, green room on set for music video shoot, car sex, you name it, he's trying. the two of you are always reappearing after being mysteriously gone for too long to be innocent, clothes rumpled, cheeks flushed, matching shit eating grins poorly concealed on your faces.
#ateez#ateez smut#ateez unholy hours#ateez seonghwa#ateez hongjoong#ateez yunho#ateez yeosang#ateez san#ateez mingi#ateez wooyoung#ateez jongho#freakteez#ateez x reader#ateez kinks#ateez fanfic
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Funny things they do
Title is self-explanatory <3
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
Characters: Aventurine, Robin, Sunday, Feixiao, Jing Yuan, Blade, Dan Heng
CW: Just pure fluff (and attempts at humour) !!
✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩
Aventurine
Treats you like a cat. Says shit like “ooo big yawn” when you yawn 😭😭
Calls you his “lucky charm” (he never loses more than he does when you’re around because you are a waking bad luck magnet)
The MOMENT you leave your phone unattended he starts taking pictures of himself (or of you with your back turned) with it. Often 0.5 selfies of himself from an unflattering angle, winking at the camera and sticking his tongue out. If you left the phone unlocked he’ll also change your lock screen to the selfie. Refuses to admit he took the pictures himself afterwards too, saying things like “must’ve been a ghost 😌”
Robin
Whenever something minor goes wrong, like she drops a coffee cup or something, she immediately responds by reassuring herself. Doesn’t even say “oh no!” or anything just goes straight to saying “it’s okay, it’s okay… 🥺” (she does it for you too but it’s way funnier when she does it for herself. Gopher Wood didn’t gentle parent her or Sunday so she had to do it herself 💀)
Sunday
Often kisses you with his eyes wide open. Like WIDE OPEN. You don’t realise at first because you’re normal and close your eyes when you kiss, but once you do realise, kissing him will never be the same
You very often have a conversation where you’ll be like “oh I like [xyz]” and Sunday will look off in the distance with the most sad haunted expression and go “Robin liked [xyz]…” and it’s not funny for YOU but it’s funny for ME as a viewer looking in bro cannot stop trauma dumping about losing his sister 😭😭😭 (Do NOT accuse me of flanderisation here he only does it to you and nobody else because he only feels comfortable opening up about it to you pleeease I’m a star)
Feixiao
Flexes in front of the mirror for like 5 minutes every day, admiring her own abs (I would too tbh)
Unironically loves minion memes
Millenial/boomercore in general tbh 💀💀💀
DRAGS people by their “scruff” and acts like it’s perfectly normal (mostly does it to Moze and Jiaoqiu, and they’ve gotten so used to it they barely even fight it anymore)
Jing Yuan
Tries giving you puppy dog eyes unironically. Bro you’re like 800 years old pls stop you just look weird and pathetic 😭😭😭
Tries to be cute with you in general an embarrassing amount it’s so funny sir what are you DOING
Blade
His eye actually starts twitching when he gets annoyed. You know it’s not forced because Blade isn’t the type to exaggerate annoyance that way but it just looks so cartoonish it’s funny on him
Dan Heng
Randomly whimpers ??? Mid-conversation ???? (Canon btw have you heard how that man will just go “mm.. ah 😩” and then go on with what he was saying as if he didn’t just whine in ultra 4K hd). You never call him out on it because he’d be soo embarrassed and make a conscious effort to stop
#[rawbin]#[rawbin headcanon]#[by me]#[aventurine]#[robin]#[sunday]#[feixiao]#[jing yuan]#[blade]#[dan heng]#cutie patooties#aventurine honkai star rail#aventurine hsr#aventurine star rail#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine#robin x reader#robin hsr#robin honkai star rail#robin hsr x reader#sunday#sunday hsr#sunday honkai star rail#sunday x reader#Feixiao#feixiao x reader#reader x Feixiao#honkai star rail x reader#hsr#Jing yuan x reader
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Hiii i love your writing sm that is always look forward to anything you write . Pls remember to take care of yourself .
Imagine chan having a younger s/o , doting on her , taking care of her protecting her 😭😭😭😭 it would be so cute
them having a younger s/o
content: small age gap between reader and member, established relationship, etc.
wc: 1056
a/n: thank u hehe u take care too!! <3 also i wrote this assuming the age gap is nothing too crazy!! just something like 3-5 year difference for hyung line and 2-3 year difference for maknae line c:
masterlist
seungcheol -
he was MADE to dote on and care for a younger s/o. his credit card would literally be your own. his home would be yours. would treat you akin to kkuma in the sense that he'd coo at you incessantly any time he was away from you for more than a few hours and would love dressing you up in cute outfits to match his own (in a low-key, fashionable way, of course). he'd adore a younger s/o because he'd feel like he could really provide for you with both his wealth and wisdom.
jeonghan -
being the one of the elders of the group and having a younger sister, he's literally been trained for a younger s/o. im completely convinced he'd adoooore a younger s/o that he could dote on and baby in every possible instance. he'd use his preschool teacher voice on you all the time and coo at you so much that you'd literally have to beg him to stop. at some point he'd start doing it just to annoy you lmao.
joshua -
tbh i feel like he would be kinda indifferent about you being younger than him, but would still acknowledge it at times. would coo at you and baby you in exaggerated manners to tease you over being younger than him. but! this would just be a veiled way for him to take care of you.
jun -
how is he supposed to baby you when he's the embodiment of baby himself? however, the creator of the aegyo cat set would still manage to coo at you and attack you with constant aegyo to show his affections towards you. all in all, though, i think he would be a lil indifferent about you being younger than him. maybe it'd inspire a little extra protectiveness from him, making him always keep you close to him in public spaces and use his massive shoulders to shield you from crowds or any danger.
soonyoung -
he'd baby you at times but for the most part would be pretty indifferent about being older than you. however! he would let his childish/immature side come out more often while around you, reasoning that you brought out his more youthful side. would probably match your energy at all times. he'd 100% use the 'im older than you' card to try and win arguments/disputes (it wouldnt work).
wonwoo -
absolutely endeared by you!!! have you seen the way he looks at chan? if you were around chan's age, he'd give you the chan treatment but a thousand times over. would cackle at any joke you made, always keep his adoring gaze on you, bring you snacks even when you didnt ask for them, make space for you on his lap whenever he played games or watched movies. you'd be his baby.
jihoon -
he'd try to hold back for a while, but he'd eventually break and feel an instinctive need to take care of you in a way he would a younger member. even if you were a very independent and self-reliant person, he would still take care of you in his own low-key way. would make sure you always had all your meals, make space for you in his studio and provide you entertainment so you could accompany him in there in the long hours of the night. he'd feel a special type of love for you knowing he could dote on you so freely.
seokmin -
he'd be obsessed with you!!!! would baby you constantly and take care of you in every way imaginable. youd also kinda activate his cuteness aggression without him realizing. he'd wanna be the one and only man to protect you and become a rock for you to rely on. would feel happy and proud to be a person you trusted and someone you could look to whenever you needed.
mingyu -
yet another member who would go insane over being older than you and use it as an excuse to baby you at any given opportunity. would treat you like loyalty and would act as if it was a crime if you ever did mundane stuff on your own instead of allowing him to do it for you. walking to the other side of the room? why when he can just piggy back you there!! packing your own lunch in the morning? nope! he's cooking you a whole meal!
minghao -
ive always felt like he'd go for someone younger just for the traditional aspect of it (idk i have no basis for this belief lmao just a hunch). he'd enjoy playing the role of the dependable boyfriend with a younger s/o to provide for and dote on. it'd just bring him a special type of satisfaction to know that you could look to him as a reliable source of comfort. would be the ideal boyfriend and take care of all your expenses and all your emotional needs.
seungkwan -
he'd be so damn overbearing in the way he took care of you im ngl. would keep tabs on your meals to make sure you had all your meals every day, would push vitamins on you, and just have huge concern for your health overall. he'd also feel insane cuteness aggression for you at the most random times, becoming overly affectionate and expressing how cute he thought you were (even if your age gap was teeny tiny).
vernon -
gives me the vibe that he wouldnt really care if you were older or younger. however, seeing the way he dotes on his little sister and gets along with her, i think he'd be similar with a younger s/o. wouldnt really bring up your age difference much but would still use it as the butt of jokes or use it as an excuse to take care of you at times in which he just felt a little extra affectionate towards you.
chan -
as the youngest, he'd love the idea of him being able to baby someone for once (ik he has a younger brother ok). would use the 'im older than you' line to death and be so fucking annoying about it. however, he would also feel satisfied knowing he was a dependable figure in your life who could take care of you in the same ways his members always took care of him.
#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#svt fanfic#svt x reader#seventeen#seventeen imagine#svt#seventeen oneshot#svt oneshot#svt scenarios#seventeen scenarios#svt imagines#svt fluff#seventeen fluff
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☆⋆｡𖦹° 𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎!𝙻 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜
>> l lawliet x reader
i feel like he’d thrive with a pet. he’s never had any exposure to animals so it’s definitely a new experience for him. i think the unpredictability of a cat would suit him. its irregular behavior keeps him on his toes, given his tendency to analyze patterns. he’d be very affectionate with a cuddly cat
i think he would also like the loyalty of a dog. he needs stability in his life 🫶 and a cute little puppy that’ll grow w him is just perfect for him. plus, im sure it’d force him to exercise a little more (couldn’t hurt him tbh) w all the running after it he’d be doing
he watches true crime for background noise—if he actually sits down to watch it, he’ll figure it out in the first five minutes (if he didn’t already know the case outcome himself). he needs to multitask in order to genuinely enjoy it, so he usually puts it on while he cooks or cleans so he’s not dedicating his full focus to it and proceed to act like a mom watching a telenovela
*gasp* “they found the body in the lake!”
“hmm…that was anticlimactic.”
“‘breaking news’? i had already figured that out three episodes ago.”
“oh, i worked this case!”
his cooking is shit at the beginning. you have to be patient with him. he goes in thinking bc he’s so smart it’ll come out good no matter what. (this is the case with a lot of activities he’s now discovering due to the new lifestyle). he is wrong.
HOWEVER…he does improve with time. he’ll follow a recipe to perfection and study it until he gets it right. the only downside is his food tends to be on the more plain/bland side, so if you like strong flavors i’d keep seasonings handy. he grew up in england, what do you expect? he does excel at making sweets and baked goods though, those tend to come out more flavorful.
for all his previously normal ‘secrecy’ he’s actually a chronic oversharer. because you’re bonded for life now, he feels the need to tell you everything, all of the time. his brain runs a mile a minute and he voices pretty much every thought he has.
“does the fan seem louder to you?”
”no, ryuzaki. go to bed.”
“but we’re not doing anything tomorrow, so we can sleep in. there’s no need to go to bed right this instant.”
“…”
“that won’t be the case next week, though, we’ve got that birthday dinner to attend.”
“…”
“dinner sounds nice enough, but i loathe the thought of shopping for a present. maybe—“
“ryuzaki. go. to. sleep.”
“hmph.”
similarly, he has a tendency to notice your patterns (he calls it a “detective’s habit”). he’s freakishly accurate with it too. sometimes it’s useful, like when he stops at the store to pick up your favorite snacks and hygiene products when he knows your time of the month is approaching. however, sometimes it’s…just weird
“darling, do you need to use the restroom?”
“um…no?”
“really? interesting. your diet hasn’t changed the last couple days, and you usually use the restroom at approximately this time for about 10 to 12 minutes every day.”
“…what the fuck?”
even though you’ve both changed your names in order to secure your identities and safety, he still calls you by your real name when it’s just the two of you. in public he prefers to call you pet names instead of your newfound aliases
he has no issues switching back n forth and he’d never slip up for fear of exposing you both, but he just tries to avoid calling you by your cover name. he feels a little guilty because if he was a ‘normal person’ you wouldn’t have had to undergo all these procedures just to be with him. he’s used to using different names for himself, but it makes him a little sour that you now have to do that too :(
speaking of sour, he’s a veeeryy jealous man. he’s not obnoxious or even outright about it, but he doesn’t like when other people get too close to you (physically and emotionally). part of it is him being paranoid that they “know something” about you, but part of it is just bc he’s just a clingy lil guy 🥺 and he just wants to be your only special guy
he’s like a territorial cat
he gets nightmares about the kira case and all of his other past cases. he doesn’t make a scene when he wakes up from them, but if you notice he’s awake don’t ask him about them. it’s unlikely he’ll answer you, and he’ll feel bad thinking he woke you up. just pretend to still be asleep and subtly cuddle closer
it coaxes him right back to sleep knowing you’re safe and sound beside him. if you’re brave you can ask in the morning, but it’s likely he’ll have forgotten the dream by then
pleeeeassee take up yoga with him. since he doesn’t need to be crouched in his heightened-deductive-skill position 24/7 anymore, it’s a worthwhile investment to fix his posture and his numerous back problems. he might enjoy the calmness and flexibility yoga provides
he might be open to the idea of children. according to canon, he only interacted with the wammy kids once very briefly, but i like to think he was fairly involved with the orphanages considering they were raising his successor. it only makes sense they’d need to get to know him at least a little—and it would explain why near’s mannerisms are so similar to his.
i think contrary to popular opinion he would be good with kids—in his own special way. he’s not exceptionally cuddly, but he won’t reject affection either. and his intuition and reflexes are so keen that it’s not like the kid would ever be in danger.
he’s such a homebody. i mean, we already knew that—but him being able to go out in public now has not changed his desire to want to be alone (w/ you)
he has mixed feelings about crowded places. on the one hand, the anonymity of it is kind of nice and it sets his mind at ease that no one will be able to recognize you two in such a swarm. but on the other, someone is touching him and all the noise n stuff sorta overstimulates his nervous system
the next best alternative? take him to places that are still public and out-and-about but a little more secluded. a corner booth in the back of a little restaurant, a sprawling botanical garden, an independent cafe that’s not overcrowded, etc
HE CANT DRIVE LMAOOO. a helicopter is one thing but cars??? on the road??? with other cars?????!!! he cannot. he’s a MENACE. hopefully you can drive, but if not then it comes to public transportation 🤷♀️
#might add to this later#i love L wish there was more content for him </3#l lawliet#l x reader#l death note#death note#l lawliet x reader#death note x reader#death note ryuuzaki#ryuuzaki x reader#kitty.writes!
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Scary Dog Privilege w/ Ghost
PART 2
With the captain's away, you're left to deal with his intimidating lieutenant's temper.
Tags: civilian!reader, gn!reader, mostly fluff, suggestive at the end, GuardDog!Ghost x Handler!Reader, smug!Ghost. Reader is careful of Ghost's boundaries. 1.3k words
Ghost's "outburst" (no idea how to call it tbh) is based on how @valiants drew them here and there. I just love this depiction so much, it's too relatable.
Part 1. Part 3.
Heaving a sigh, you glower at the shiny plaque adorning the mahogany desk you’re sitting at.
Cpt. John Price.
The aforenamed is away for a week, something about a higher-ups seminar. Left you in charge and, when you started to heft some heavy cardboards full of paperwork, he suggested you take his office too. It wasn’t conventional by any means, but what John Price wants, John Price gets.
You imagined that being the big boss would be fun.
You didn't expect his men to be… such a hassle.
Soap could not go one day without getting involved in a fight.
Gaz was sweet as pie to your face, only to use your own gratefulness against you later when he wanted something.
And Ghost. Oh, Ghost. From the very start, he had been playing with you like a cat plays with his food. Acting like your right-hand man. Always by your side, dutiful shadow. His relentless stare was like a torch against the nape of your neck, like the tangible weight of gloved hands on your shoulders. Following instructions but always with a snarky reply, and a smirk on his lips that you could guess behind the mask simply by the look in his eyes. Not mentioning the times you were alone together and he'd stop covering the bottom of his face. Made it easier to drink — tea but also bourbon —, to smoke, to tempt you with his scarred lips—
You shake your head in an attempt to refocus.
Your concentration doesn't last a mere minute that it's already shattered by the slam of a door.
A familiar slam and a familiar door, if that is even possible.
One of your men is acting out again.
You slip through the group massed in front of the room you need to access, ignoring their warnings and brushing off their attempts to make you turn back.
Knocking three times in rapid succession so he knows it's you, you glide in wordlessly, taking care to lock the door behind you so there won't be any interruption. You lean your back against it, taking a moment to assess the situation.
Your eyes linger on the knife lodged into the table before fixing upon the sizable being sitten nearby. Bending at the waist under an invisible force, his elbows rest on his knees while his fingers clutch the part of his mask that covers the back of his head. One word immediately comes to mind— overwhelmed.
His back is turned on you. You can almost distinguish the dark aura he exudes, an inky blackness that matches his t-shirt and his gloves.
You pull away from the door and join him, absently noticing that your steps are loud enough for him to locate you— force of habit.
“Ghost?”
A metaphorical outstretched hand.
Silence.
Stopping behind his back, you instinctively raise a tentative hand— to ensure his attention? To provide comfort?— before halting halfway, reconsidering. Pulling it back, you opt for a verbal approach instead.
“You really need to stop terrorizing the new recruits.”
You can’t help the fond, amused smile that stretches your lips as you say it.
Silence, still.
It doesn't deter you. After all, you’re no stranger to the need to drop verbal communication in favor of onomatopoeias or hand motions.
Nevermind that, you can fill the silence with retelling of your day.
As the quiet remains your only interlocutor for the third time in a row, you decide to cut your losses, at least for today. You’re unsure whether Ghost's in a mood where he'd rather stay alone, or one where he'd appreciate company but only the silent kind. Eyeing the knife again, you reckon it must be the former.
But as you turn around to leave, a pair of arms circle your waist, putting a swift end to your exit. The sudden embrace causes you to sway a bit, nonetheless you keep your cool.
“Changed your mind?”
A light gibe, essentially harmless, but provocating enough to prompt an answer.
He replies with a muffled groan, before pulling you closer and pressing his face into the small of your back. The contact, admittedly unexpected, but not unwelcome, sends shivers down your spine.
“That's certainly an… interesting position,” is all you find to say, picturing the expression someone would make if they were to stumble upon you two.
Twisting around a bit, you manage to see half of him, and use the view to reach back and pat his head. You quickly come to the conclusion that you’re stuck there for a while, same as if a pet cheetah nominated your lap for its nap.
A few moments later, a minute or an eternity, you end up chuckling to yourself. There's a grumble in your shirt, and it takes a second or two for you to comprehend that the grumble is actually words.
“What's so funny?”
You sigh pensively.
“Was thinking about the recruits you scared. They were shaking in their boots when I got here, you'd think they've seen worse than a ghost. But the most formidable thing here is a cuddle monster.”
The limbs around your torso release you unpromptedly, and as you pivot to face the lieutenant, he only has one step to take to corner you against a wall.
“S'that so?”
The sarcasm in his tone is familiar, yet you fail to see what he's getting at.
“... yeah?”
You don’t try to hide the interrogation in your voice; you want your confusion to be known.
He props one forearm on the wall, right by your head, and leans closer to murmur huskily:
“Do I scare you?”
You bite your lower lip not to laugh, his antics evoking some sort of dark, tortured protagonist. Yet, you'd be lying if you pretended this little display was leaving you indifferent.
Hell, you wish you were scared, because then you wouldn’t long to reduce the distance between your two bodies, already scandalously limited.
Wavering about your reply, you ultimately select the truth.
“Not anymore.”
You swear you can make out the corners of his mouth rise behind the mask.
“Good,” he appraises, laconic as ever.
Stricken by a timidity as sudden as it is intense, you start to ramble nervously, avoiding his intense stare.
“No but, for real, you'd laugh too if you'd seen their faces. They were so worried, imploring me not to go. It's like they were convinced you'd eat me alive.”
“Could be arranged.”
The suggestive line has the merit to make you stop dead in your tracks. His insufferable confidence fills you with irritation and arousal yet again.
You can’t let him win this one, you categorically refuse to let him have the last word. So you bring your face even closer to his and purrs:
“It's such a shame you’re wearing a mask, otherwise I would have already shoved my tongue down your—”
He rips off the bottom part of his mask with such haste that it would be comical if you weren't busy being squished between him and the wall the next second. He presses you against the stone the same way he presses his lips against yours— insistent, warm.
Once again, his hands settle on your hips like they belong here, and his thumbs slip under the cloth to stroke your hipbones.
His newfound urgency is the antipodes of the restraint he manifested until now, leaving you short of breath.
A call of your name pulls you apart, but barely, noses almost brushing. You shoot a look at the door just to see the handle lowers in vain. Letting out an amused and relieved scoff, you rest your forehead against Ghost's torso, thanking yourself for locking.
The voice persists, asking if everything's okay. You raise your head but, as you open your mouth to answer, Simon silently orders you to stay quiet with a forefinger across his lips. You frown and mouth silently— no, YOU shut up— before hollering to be heard.
“All good, thanks!”
Obviously, answering is a much better solution than a suspicious silence. Yet Ghost doesn't seem to share that opinion, as he stares at you unimpressed, but you kiss him before he can make any disagreeable comment.
#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#cod fluff#ghost fluff#cod x reader#mine#cod fanfic#cod fic#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#ghost x you#call of duty x reader#cod#ghost cod#cod ghost#cod mw2#cod mwii#cod modern warfare#cod mw3#fluff#x reader
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Some TFO Spoilers if you haven't seen the movie ❗❗
Sentinel's Pet
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
As a part of being Sentinel Prime's precious and pretty human pet, he'd sometimes have you perched on his shoulder in one of your prettiest outfits throughout the day as he goes about doing his job as a Prime (and as a traitor to Cybertron).
If he ever appears in a public area, with bots crowding around him and fawning over him like he's some kind of hero or god, maybe a reporter would ask about the strange organic on his shoulder that he had discovered on the surface and why he decided to take you in. He'd come up with the sappiest sad story ever to make himself look like a saint. It'll be like that commercial that makes you feel sympathy for stray dogs and cats. It'd probably go something like this (this is probably what Sentinel would say, idk tbh 🤷🏻♀️):
"I found this poor weak lifeform, wandering the surface. So lost, and so terrified...so I did the one thing, any Prime would've done. I took them in."
"Didn't you kidnap me-"
*Interrupting Rich man laugh* "And now, they have made a full recovery, and I vow to take care of them from now on. I will treat them as one of my own. 🥰"
"You were just insulting me like five minutes ago-"
"Oh well would you look at that! It barks! Isn't that just adorable, everyone?" *Even richer man laugh*
"Oh that's not 😀-"
#transformers one#transformers movie#transformers one x reader#transformers#transformers x reader#transformers x human#tf sentinel prime#sentinel prime x reader#sentinel prime#tf one spoilers#tf one#tformers#tf one 2024#tf one sentinel prime#Sentinel's pet
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