#someone tell me what the correct trigger warning tags are for this one

[phoenix-and-found-family]

She watched as John grabbed a needle off of the cart and handed it to a grunt.

"Give them another dose, would you? They're starting to stir again."

The grunt looked down at the drug confused.

"I know I know nothing 'bout medicine, but shouldn't dey be dead already? We've drugged em like fifteen times."

John glared at the man.

"Don't get paid ta think, I know, I know."

The grunt walked back over to Phoenix and injected another dose as he walked back to her with a grimace.

"I hope you have the mask adjusted properly this time. I've nearly run out of the stuff, and it's been barely four hours."

Fabricator raised an eyebrow.

"You know each needle is supposed to last twelve hours."

"Tell that to the agent."

John pointed with his middle finger.

"They nearly woke up on the way here after fifteen minutes."

She was constantly surprised by this agent. They knew how to keep up an act, they solved her desk(she hated them for leaving such a mess. Was it too much to ask they put things back where they belong?), but this was impressive. And potentially useful.

She wasn't sure if this was tied to their... ability or not.

Fabricator walked closer to the agent as the grunt finished up and turned to leave.

"And I- Are you even listening to me?!"

She ignored him as she looked over the little bugger in person for the first time.

They were fairly scrawny, and a lot shorter than she hoped, with pale skin and brown hair that had never seen a comb in its life. Their suit was both cheaper and more expensive than it looked, with several "hidden" pockets that, knowing Phoenix, would probably be used to steal things from the places they visited.

"I only have you for a short time, but there's something I've been dying to test on you."

Fabricator pressed a button on her cigarette stick and a long, thin blade shot out from the end of it.

She dug the knife into their cheek with only a little resistance, blood flowing weakly from the wound as she raked the blade across their face, down their throat, over their shoulders.

"What- What did- Why would you-"

She turned to John and walked back towards him.

"Shoot them."

The look of shock and bewilderment on his face was so awfully genuine, she could almost believe it was another man. A better man. A man who didn't know what was coming to him.

Juniper quickly regained his composure and put on a mask of indifference.

"First of all, you're not my boss, Fabby. Second, I will shoot them, but not because you told me to."

She chuckled slightly as he walked closer to them, grabbing a pistol from a box and loading it in one smooth motion. She had to admit- he was an arrogant prick, but he was a fantastic shot.

"If Zor asks why they're dead when they wanted them alive, I'm blaming you for this."

He stopped around twenty feet in front of them, holding the gun level with their head. He hesitated for a second...

... before the pistol went off and a hole appeared in their brain.

John lowered the gun.

"Why wasn't I allowed to just do that on the way here?"

"Because I wanted to see how this worked in person."

"How what work..."

He trailed off as he stared in horror as the blood started running back up into their body.

She smiled.

"That."

Their blood started slowly at first, fitting back into place in their head like a jigsaw puzzle. It peeled off the wall in droplets, and then suddenly in bigger drops, flying back inside with the force of a bullet. It was almost like rewinding a VHS tape- seeing the wound play out backwards, the flesh regrowing.

She had tried to record it before, but no recording could have done this transformation justice. It was incredible.

John looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"W- I- Huh??? That's not- possible!!"

She enjoyed his absolute horror before his eyes inevitably glazed over.

"That's not... possible..."

He walked like a marionette back towards her, his eyes half shut and the gun loose in his hand.

He put the pistol on the box, muttering the whole time.

"Not possible, not possible, not possible..."

She smirked as he finally found his way back to her.

"I like you much better like this, John. You're much more... manageable."

He looked back to Phoenix, blinked hard, and she could tell that he had reset before he opened his mouth.

"Tell that to the agent."

John pointed with his middle finger.

"They nearly woke up on the way here after fifteen minutes."

Fabricator watched the grunt finish up and turn to leave.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

She smiled.

"Like what?"

"Like you're going to feed me into a sausage grinder."

"Maybe I will."

He rolled his eyes.

She handed him the bag with the mimic mask and watched him put it on.

"Why did you make it look like his face? I really only need to sound like their handler."

"Because, John, you know I can never do anything without a hint of betrayal."

He walked away muttering something about "what does that even mean".

She walked over to the unconscious Phoenix one last time.

All of her cuts were gone. Their face was exactly the way it had been beforehand. No marks at all.

She couldn't help but notice that their skin was a little less pale, their hair was a little more manageable, and, quite possibly, they were just a little bit taller.

Fabricator had to give it to John. He picked the most perfect name.

She couldn't wait to break them in two.

She let go of their face and walked towards the door. It was nearly showtime. And she wasn't going to miss the summit for the world.

(Holy shit, this was long and I wrote it in one sitting what the fuck happened)

[artificialbreezy]

YOU WRITE ABOUT KIDNAPPING AND KILLING PEOPLE

you and Tina “omfg read our new fic where Noah and the boys kidnap and murder people left and right”

I’m a kidnapped victim btw, tw or not, it’s still not okay.

And you continue and continue to write about it as if that isn’t triggering for people WHO HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN KIDNAPPED

SA ISNT OKAY BUT MURDER AND KIDNAPPING IS APPARENTLY

SA, KIDNNAPING, MURDER

SHOULD NOT BE WRITTEN EITHER BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAYS YOURE JUST AS FUCKING WEIRD

And before you put words in my mouth.

I do not condone SA, I am a victim of it, that woman should have put her warnings properly, she shouldn’t have written about it in the first place.

But you shouldn’t write about kidnapping and knives when it’s ALSO TRIGGERING FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

hi! let’s talk about some stuff and not yell, can we do that? great.

okay so yes, i do write dark content. however, every piece of dark content i write is tagged, with a read more so no one sees anything they don’t want to see, and i always give more warning right before the tag of what is under the cut.

now, there is a huge world out there of dark content in books and smut. it’s common, it’s not weird. it’s pretty normal at this point. however, just like those books, i give a trigger warning. every. single. time.

if i forget or i miss something, someone always tells me and i correct the tag.

people have the option, and opportunity to not read what i’m posting.

if my content is triggering for you, please by all means block me. protect your peace. i don’t want you to have a shitty time here because of the content i post and the content my followers enjoy.

i know dark content isn’t for everyone. i even did a poll on my blog to see if people were interested in it. to which the winning was, “yes use cw” and i do. every time.

you’re right SA isn’t right. ever. and i would never put words into someone’s mouth babe. i’m here to listen to what people have to say. i’m here to talk it out, im here to help make it as easy as it can be.

i thrive to make my blog a safe space for everyone who interacts with me. and by the sounds of it, it’s not for you. i’m sorry it’s not, but if my content isn’t for you then please do not read it.

i encourage people to block tags, or just scroll past if they don’t like what i post. my feelings aren’t hurt over that.

however, dark content in terms of books and fanfic has been happening for a long time. i’m not the only one. and neither is @thefallennightmare who writes it.

[dragonsdendoodles]

Dunno if this has been mentioned, but can we talk about (in A Map of Days) Enoch teasing Horace about gaining weight when he complains about the sodium content in pizza?? 😭

So that scene is... weird. To me. Because that part specifically I don't particularly know how to feel about, but the scene itself is my favorite scene in the whole series.

Talk of whatever the fuck was going on in this bit below the cut. Trigger warnings in the tags. (This one is long. There's a TLDR at the bottom.)

This is also a pretty tricky subject, so if I say something stupid, please please please correct me.

Before anything else: a very common interpretation of this scene is that it's hinting at Horace having an eating disorder. I am not here to tell you that interpretation is invalid, because it's not. It was not my interpretation, but it makes complete sense to me. I am not the right person to talk about that interpretation because while I do experience body dysmorphia and dysphoria, I have never had an eating disorder. So I'm not gonna do that.

My personal interpretation of this scene was that Horace is a picky eater and also has body issues and/or body dysmorphia, because those are both things I can relate to. That has always been my interpretation, and after several rereads that's what makes the most sense to me personally. I could be wrong. This is entirely my own interpretation and opinion.

Completely literally, this is what the full conversation tells the reader, before it's brought around to Millard being sent out for the second half of what we want to joke about:

Claire likes pizza.

Horace does not. He picks at it, commenting on the sodium content.

Enoch jokes that Horace doesn't want to get fat and laughs at the mental image.

Horace corrects him, claiming it's more about his clothes, then insults what Enoch's wearing, comparing his clothes to flour sacks.

Enoch specifies where he got his clothes in an effort to dispute Horace's point.

Claire further specifies Enoch's clothes came from a corpse.

Enoch makes a joke about getting clothes at funeral parlors.

Horace loses his appetite at Enoch's comment.

Miss Peregrine scolds Horace for not finishing his food. Horace reluctantly complies.

Horace expresses jealousy over Millard's peculiarity, stating that he could gain as much weight as he wanted without anyone noticing.

Millard clarifies that he's actually decently skinny.

The conversation moves on to Millard's lack of clothes.

If we go over it point by point and dig a little more into it, we get a few more details, which I think are relevant for the most part, so that's what I'm gonna do.

Claire likes pizza. Not particularly important to the scene other than starting it, but a cute detail nonetheless. We love cute details about Claire.

Horace does not. He picks at it, commenting on the sodium content. Horace does not like pizza and Horace does not like olives. (Agreed on the pizza point, but I will gladly take those olives if you don't want them, Horace.) The big thing here is that "There's more sodium in this than in the whole Dead Sea" comment, which isn't a concern someone his age should be having.

Enoch jokes that Horace doesn't want to get fat and laughs at the mental image. The problem child of the scene, because that's a really mean joke to make about someone, Enoch. Thus far the sodium comment makes it debatable how affected Horace would be about it, but still, not cool, man.

Horace corrects him, claiming it's more about his clothes, then insults what Enoch's wearing, comparing his clothes to flour sacks. This is the interesting part to me, because in seemingly trying to return Enoch's rude joke, Horace somewhat confirms that Enoch hit close enough to home to get under his skin. The specific line in question is, "That I'll bloat. My clothes are tailored just so, unlike the flour sacks you wear," which brings up another thing--these books have a habit of finding ways to call Enoch fat. Occasionally it'll be through deliberately calling something about him pudgy, and more often than not it's through stereotyping (you have twelve important characters and you picked the one established fat kid to be the one constantly talking about and stealing food? Really? Olive or Horace would've worked just as well, but whatever,) but this is one of the only times it comes from another character's mouth. This isn't just a comment, this is deflection. Horace is hurt by Enoch's comment, so he takes the first opportunity he gets to turn it back on him. This is deliberate. (We'll touch on this and the last point again later.)

Enoch specifies where he got his clothes in an effort to dispute Horace's point. He's focusing on the "flour sack" comment, not the implications of it or anything else about what Horace just said. It's just Enoch being Enoch and responding to Horace taking his bait. It reminds me of the scene in MPHFPC where Horace and Enoch suggest gross things for dinner to tease Olive and Claire. (Which I can confirm was them, but that's a different post.)

Claire further specifies Enoch's clothes came from a corpse. Again not super relevant, but not uncommon, fun fact. During the French Revolution when someone died they would immediately start taking the clothes off of them because I mean they're dead, they don't need it anymore. Just something I think is cool.

Enoch makes a joke about getting clothes at funeral parlors. Back to my MPHFPC point, Enoch has been established to be willing to say things just to freak people out. Just because Horace did it with him does not make him immune to it.

Horace loses his appetite at Enoch's comment. Reasonable reaction. I don't want to hear about leaking corpses when I'm already being forced to eat something I don't particularly enjoy. Like pizza.

Miss Peregrine scolds Horace for not finishing his food. Horace reluctantly complies. Classic parent move. It does suggest that the previous conversation isn't very concerning to her, because if it was she'd have said something during it, and she isn't someone who would hear that about one of her kids and just not care if it was something bad. Personally this lowers my concern level a bit, but I also like Miss Peregrine a lot more than other people I've talked to about this, so take that with what you will.

Horace expresses jealousy over Millard's peculiarity, stating that he could gain as much weight as he wanted without anyone noticing. The other concerning comment Horace makes. It all but confirms he is struggling with body image issues of some kind, though we don't know how severe they are. It confirms that Horace's reply to Enoch wasn't just about his clothes, and that if Enoch didn't hit the nail on the head he came pretty close.

Millard clarifies that he's actually decently skinny. This is something we kind of already knew, it just clarifies Millard's body type a bit more. In MPHFPC when he faints Enoch says it's because he "ain't as fit as he pretends to be," so now we have a little bit of detail on that. Regardless, I don't think it particularly helped the situation, but that's unfortunately a theme for Millard in this book.

The conversation moves on to Millard's lack of clothes.

Essentially, the big things we learn from this conversation are that Horace is insecure about his body and that he will tolerate Enoch poking fun at him about it.

The whole conversation, at least Enoch and Horace's contributions to it, revolve around their insecurities or lack thereof. Horace all but confirms he has body issues, and Enoch could honestly go either way: he doesn't react at all to Horace's jab back at him, he only focuses on the insult about his clothes. Enoch could not care how his body looks at all, or he could have avoided responding because Horace's comment had the same effect that his had. We can't tell from that alone, but I'm leaning towards the first option, because in the same book Horace comments on Olive eating a lot and Enoch jokes about her gaining weight as well. (Olive doesn't respond, Olive doesn't care.) His comment to Olive is more lighthearted than this, which I don't think it would be if it were also an insecurity of his.

The reason my feelings are conflicted about this scene is the way Horace and Enoch talk during it. This is played as a joke, it's very obviously meant to be comedic banter between two characters who are known to take shots at each other for the sake of comedy. That's all well and good, but this scene also proves that Enoch touched a decently sensitive nerve here, and Horace doesn't respond particularly uncomfortably. Yes, he deflects, but it reads as if they can only have this conversation because of how comfortable they are with each other. Horace avoids situations that make him uncomfortable, so if he was hurt too badly by Enoch joking about his body issues he'd have shut the conversation down instead of biting back. Enoch is also established in nearly all of the books to care very deeply about his loopmates and their feelings--if he genuinely hurt Horace, he'd have stopped completely, as shown with Bronwyn about Victor in MPHFPC. They've also known each other for what is implied to be nearly if not the whole time the initial Cairnholm loop was open, after seventy years being as close as they are shown to be they would know each others' insecurities. Enoch's significantly more likely to test Horace's limits, but he's absolutely smart enough to know what buttons he can and cannot push: look at the fight he has with Jacob at the end of AMOD. He cuts pretty deep at the end there, but had he not known (or cared) about Jacob's issues with Abe, he'd have said a lot more than, "You're not Abe, so stop trying to be," and he'd have said it a lot sooner.

It's a conversation that flows somewhat naturally and is portrayed a lot lighter than most people would take it, and arguably lighter than it probably should be. The way it reads to me is similar to how my boyfriend and I would talk and joke about our own insecurities, which leads me to believe they can only do this because they know they both know the boundaries. No boundaries appear to have been crossed here from both of their reactions, and this scene is all but forgotten when it's over. If anything this solidifies to me that the narrative wants us to interpret them as very close if not best friends, because a conversation like this wouldn't have happened otherwise. Horace doesn't let random people bully him. He threatened to bite someone, remember. He threatened to hit Jacob once too.

Personally, their exchange is far from a normal conversation, but I think that's the point. Narratively speaking, Enoch and Horace's friendship is fucking weird--you tell me why the nervous yet arrogant neat freak spends most of his time with the jerkwad who probably doesn't shower unless he's forced to and frequently bullies him. Their entire dynamic revolves around lovingly picking on your best friend. The whole point of this conversation is to strengthen that idea in the reader's mind, that they're close enough to be able to take these shots at each other without worrying they're going to hurt the other. Yes, Horace is implied to have gotten hurt, but at most it's only slightly. He doesn't react too much to it other than making a couple of concerning comments about his own image, which are pretty much immediately moved on from because at the end of the day it's really not all that important.

TLDR: It's a weird conversation about a touchy subject that is promptly forgotten about afterwards, which implies neither Horace nor Enoch think it's too big of a deal. Ultimately, it doesn't matter to anything other than giving us insight into Horace's character and Enoch and Horace's weird-ass friendship. It's not a comfortable conversation for anyone except them, and I'm pretty sure that's the whole point. The whole scene overall is still my favorite in the series, because I think it sets up what AMOD's going to be pretty nicely and my juvenile sense of humor means Enoch's singular allotted dick joke was a lot funnier than it probably should've been to me. (Sorry, Millard.)

[olderthannetfic]

re: Goncharov and unreality.

Right so as someone for who similar topics effect me greatly, I want to explain why people are tagging it for some of the other anons.

I want to make this clear- you dont have to tag for anything you dont want to. Its within your right to tag only what you want to tag, even is someone asks you to tag it. Its your blog. TBF original-posting things in community tags its common courtesy to tag certain common warnings, and people might think you're an ass if you dont, but you dont HAVE to tag unreality or spiders or whatever when its fully your own space.

Now, I have seen a lot of people specifically ask for Goncharov to be tagged for a great many reasons. Its not JUST people ~infantilizing the crazies~. Real people are upset by it like any other thing.

Heres the list of reasons:

Psychosis trigger for things that arent real but are being treated like they are. Its a personal reality vs apparent shared reality mismatch and it can cause someone to think they are having a psychotic episode when so may people seem to be treating it as real, or trigger one outright.

Disassociation trigger for things you remember vs things you dont. Its a 'oh no did I forget something important' thing and a bit of a reality mismatch that can cause people to spiral. Unreality is something that both some dissociative and some psychotic people appreciate being tagged because of this. Im heavy dissociative but I dont need it personally- though I know people who do want unreality tagged for this.

Gaslighting ptsd trigger. This is my problem with similar posts like 'smoothsharking'. It feels like you are being gaslit if you ask someone 'hey serious question is this Goncharov thing real' and they stick to the bit and insist it is or if you say 'hey this isnt real?' not getting the joke and they insist it is at you and mock you for it. If you are very sensitive it can feel like every post is gaslighting you, even if its not the intention to do so. I know we all love making gaslighting jokes on this website, but its a real serious thing actually and people do have triggers for it they appreciate getting tagged.

Autistic and dont get jokes sometimes. If you dont already know its a funny lie people like telling and you correct them and get mocked for it, it fucking sucks actually! Letting people know its Just Jokes helps avoid this. Ive checked the notes for unreality/joke explanations many times for this reason. And people do that 'joyless asshole who hates fun and has to correct you being wrong' screenshot at you when you didnt even know they were doing a joke and just wanted to help and its mean as all hell and similar jokes can upset you thereafter because you remember getting mocked for days about it.

They just find it Fucking Annoying and are asking to tag it because of that. Their dash is just filled with shit they dont care about. Its courteous to tag the fandoms of things you post, as least do that.

Not everyone who dissociate or is autistic or has gaslighting related ptsd is going to need it tagged, but some do, and thats why.

Still up to you to tag, but its not completely without reason for someone to decide to tag it. Some of us crazies DO appreciate it.

--

Explaining a joke kills it. That's the main reason a lot of people are never going to do so, but also, somebody else always will.

[magicalara]

The Story of Grelle the Reaper: A review by yours truly prt 3

Hello hello my lovely theorists (totally didn't steal that from matpat, I'm Em Gem)! Welcome to part 3 of my analyzation of The Story of Grelle the Reaper by the lovely and amazing @eemoo1o-animoo. If you haven't seen parts 1 and 2 where I go over the prelude and chapter 1, you can go here for the prelude and here for chapter 1! Fair warning, they're a mess. Even this is kinda a mess, but it's okay, we get through it.

I have been messaging with Ell throughout the majority of my analyzations so keep in mind that even in my works there are some little hints here and there, though nothing too groundbreaking. I am a reader myself so I don't know nor would want to know the whole story lol.

Do keep the trigger warnings for the story in its tags in mind, Section 2 deals with some heavy stuff from my own personal life and just with Grell/e in general, though I explain this more in the precursory paragraph to that section so you are warned beforehand. Enjoy!

Chapter 2 is out, it’s great, it hits me in the feelings so much and is just all around amazing. If you haven’t read it, go do so first because while I will still go though this analysis like I did previously where it’s side-by-side, the chapter needs to be read and soaked in first. There’s heavy ideals here, especially at the end so take the time to go through and read the chapter on its own and then come back over here. …You read it? Good, alright let’s get this show on the road then!

So this chapter is 6k words worth of happiness until it gets worse and isn’t happy anymore and then I start to tear up because Ell is mean /j. There isn’t really weather to comment on at the start here so I’m gonna take this time to correct myself on some things from my Chapter 1 analysis, specifically the pigs and hands.

So for Chapter 1, there’s a whole part where I talk about what pig’s blood means and I was completely wrong. So I’m gonna correct it now. In the Book of Circus episode that Ell referred me to, I overlooked Grelle calling Beast an “ugly old sow” as just a one-off thing when really that’s what I should have focused on. Calling a woman a “sow” is an insult and so when the word “sow” is used, it’s supposed to refer to an actual woman, not an actual pig. I think too literally sometimes and it leads to my demise and the destruction of my mind when everything clicks. At this point, I’d like to point you to the Prelude when Grelle has sow’s blood on her…yeah…my mind went SHSDJHAKA too. So now we know that Grellie is gonna go murder someone at some point right before she dies and I can’t tell if I’m excited for it or not.

The other thing was the hands that I had said in my Chapter 1 analysis I couldn’t get at 10 PM running on little sleep, but was later told to me to be like a comparison to show how big they are. It's a dysphoria thing. Because you know men are like “bigger” and he notices how big his hands are in comparison to hers so Grell don’t like it. 

Oh! Also the name Grell means bright like as in smart so when George and unnamed man who isn’t unnamed anymore says he takes after his name, it’s a compliment, they’re calling him smart. I think that’s all and if not, then you’ll hear about it in Chapter 3’s analysis.

In the last analysis, I did over six thousand words of paragraph analysis. I will do my best to not do that again. I’ve been suggested to try bullet points. I will be trying bullet points. If I exceed the word count of this chapter once again, I will…I don’t know I’ll do something (maybe finally do the next chapter of forever forgiveness that’d be nice huh) So let’s go on and see how bullet points go. This analysis will be broken down into two sections this time, mother/son bonding and The Mirror Scene™, fyi. Okay let’s go

Section 1: Mother/Son Bonding

Descriptions and cinematography

 This is just in general but I still wanna point it out, Ell has an amazing way of describing things that make the whole story cinematographic almost. I’m one of those people who can’t see pictures in their mind, like I think in words. When reading tsogtr, though, I can see it. It’s new for me, that’s why I’m pointing it out. Just while you’re reading, really take the time to imagine everything because, especially later like with The Mirror Scene™ I can see it and there’s like a whole movie playing in my head and I love it.

Small Room

This just adds to me the whole idea of Friedrich specifically viewing Grell as a child. You could argue that Hilary is the same way, but I think her viewing Grell as a child is more of in a motherly “that’s my baby; always has been, always will be” kind of way while Friedrich is more of a “he’s a child who needs to grow up” kind of way. The fact that Grell’s room is small isn’t just mentioned here, it’s also later on, but I’ll go into that later.

Bullying and Hilary’s kind words and gestures

Hilary loves her son, her baby, and I will say that to my grave. Her gestures and words give off so much warmth and love in this whole scene and it’s just so apparent. Rather than scolding Grell for forgetting things (like a certain someone might have), she sees that he’s upset and that something might have happened. She doesn’t demand it of him, she doesn’t get upset at his lack of words, she sees her child, her baby, struggling and wants to help. She knows of the bullying that was mentioned in the past, and she’s worried for Grell. Hilary’s patient with him, even while he’s stuttering out his words. She has probably always been a safe space for Grell and the way that she just sits with him and lets him take his time shows it so well.

“...as though a spectre was afoot.”

Well… it’s not a ghost…But it is a reaper! :D Okay sorry I’m not funny continuing

George and Keats

Authors huh. I don’t know which George this is about, I’m gonna go with Orwell because I hate Animal Farm but it’s ingrained into me thanks to high school. Keats, I’m gonna imagine him as the physical embodiment of Keats the snake because I think it’s funny. There’s no reason to mention this part of the commentary, I’m just putting it in because I can. George and Keats aren’t important and I’ll be thoroughly surprised if they show up again 

They are, in my mind, a form of “and they were roommates” because they’re always described as a pair. So yeah. And they were roommates. 

I think it’s a little interesting that the two stopped visiting as much after Grell was born. There’s reference to it and after better confirmation, I think it’s worth mentioning that Hilary is heavily alluded to having been a prostitute before Grell was born. With how George and Keats said that she was always a pleasure to see (and considering that Grell probably didn’t understand because I don’t think he knows), they most likely were…frequent employers…to our favorite momma. So once Grell was born, that would explain why they would only talk to Friedrich at the bar. They don’t see Hilary anymore because they’ve moved on and it’s probably awkward to see the accidental child that is Grell Sutcliff. 

Hilary throwing hands

Grell is very prone to overthinking to the point where his worries turn into little scenes that he sees in his head. He’s very anxious and the fact that this is something that’s happened twice in the same day really shows that. (Yes it is the same day, the talk with Friedrich from the beginning of the last chapter happened the morning of this day that’s here. The time is ambiguous, but I imagine that this conversation happens sometime between like 4-5 pm.)

Anyways, momma Hilary would 100% throw hands for Grell

“You know what I see?”

(This encompasses the parts from Grell explaining the roommates calling him like his father and beyond, I just used the quote because I liked it for this section of the section) We already know why Grell was uncomfortable and all, so all to right before the quote I put up there is just reaffirming it and showing how he invalidates his feelings, even to someone who clearly cares.

I think Hilary knows that Grell isn’t himself, not necessarily in a trans way but more in a I just need to show him that he isn’t his father and is his own person who needs more confidence kind of way. Either way, now starts my favorite scene in this whole chapter where Hilary’s just making Grell feel better and highlighting all of like his features in a way that she knows will make him feel better and I wanted to cry reading this. Anyways, she’s just making him feel better in that way that good mommas do with their kids. (Grell has green eyes idk how to insert this but he does and that might come up again once he isn’t a he anymore and really goes into that “damage cliff” stuff iykyk). She goes on and affirms that they’re “like dawn and dusk” and that they love him. As for her basically calling them two sides of the same coin, obviously Friedrich is gonna end up as a catalyst for Grell/e’s anger and I think that that can be seen as foreshadowing in a way for it.

Where did the fried egg (Friedrich; get it, fried egg, fried rich, eggs are expensive in the US right now among other things, eh, eh. It’s okay I’m not funny) go

He’s on a summons. In a noble’s manor. The next town over. Now I’m not saying that this will be important (that’s exactly what I’m saying) and it’s totally not because I know too much about the future of this story (I know a lot about the future of this story). Just. This is foreshadowing, just keep that in mind. The fried egg also told Hilary about Grell losing the job with fish and she’s plenty more supportive than the egg about it and shows as such by brushing over it and continuing on.

 “I’ve always believed the eyes were the windows to the soul. Everybody’s are different, darling.”

We have more foreshadowingggg. And also sadness. First, “eyes are the windows to the soul”, is a little ironic considering that Grell is about to lose his soul at some point soon. Second, “Everybody’s are different”, until you’ve killed yourself and are dead 🥰

Okay but no actually like it’s interesting that this is something that Hilary brings up, especially in a series where eyes mean so much both in tsogtr and kuro in general. Like demons have reddish tinted eyes and full on red when they’re in demon mode, reapers have the double green, Ciel has his demon contract in his eye. Eyes really do show the soul or lack thereof and while, yes, this is just a usual metaphor that’s been said for a long time and doesn’t have a literal meaning, but in this case it can be both and that’s interesting. 

Baby Grell

He was a little shit. At least in Friedrich’s pov he probably was. 

Also just imagine Grell as a naked ass child running around to not go into the bath like it’s just funny and adorable at the same time. I can imagine him doing it since he was baby baby and I don’t like kids but Grell can be the exception

✨ Makeup ✨

It’s a nice moment between them and one that gives me hope that Hilary will accept Grelle. Due to the time period, it’s still not a huge chance, but a chance nonetheless and I will hold on to it like my life depends on it. And Grell putting the lip paint on his mother makes it feel warmer too like it’s just a nice time.

Okay part 1 of Section 1 done. It’s shorter than I thought it was gonna be, so like, that’s a win for me. There wasn’t much to analyze here (there was another mention of pigs and they have become an arch enemy for me but it literally means nothing. eventually bees will join this list, but that’s to be talked about in another chapter). Oh yeah and I say part 1 because I combined two scenes into one section this is just my little interlude for it. Take a break, get some water, get a snack. Okay let’s continue.

Bread making

More wholesomeness. As a baker, this scene makes me very happy, especially because they made a competition out of it and I just folded at that. Someone come do this with me, we’ll make whatever sweets you want it doesn’t have to be bread I’ve made many things before so we can do it I’m open to literally anyone. Let’s make a platonic discord date out of it we can bake on call together. (That’s all mostly /j like unless we have open communication that’s just me being lonely)

 ANYWAYS THAT WAS A BIG DIGRESSION

She gave him a big smooch :( /pos I love them so much you have no idea Ell if you hurt Hilary I’ll stop analyzing this story /j 

I can’t say anything about Grell because we know where that’s going

Dancey Dance

I’m pretty sure “junge” means boy in German so Grell calling his mother that is funny to me because she probably doesn’t speak it either and so would never notice and it shows how bad he is at German despite his father calling him that in the morning. Silly Grell, it’s okay we’ll always love you. Edit: All of that is not as intended…there’s my interpretation but it isn’t meant to be like that it’s more the two making fun of Friedrich. So yeah.

More memories of dancey dancing but Hilary brings up how Grell’s grown up so fast. She says “You just loved me too much to leave” which, in context, is about how Grell was overdue in his birth, but is also just really making the foreshadowing about the inevitable really hurt more. This goes even further when she says how “the place would be empty without you.” Grell is the heart that’s kept Hilary going these years and she loves him just as much as he her, probably even moreso. Let’s be real here, Grell was not a baby who was created on purpose. Hilary was a prostitute, and a young one at that. She isn’t older than 45 which, if you do the math seeing as Grell is 27, means that she had him at MOST at 18. The estimated age is around 15-18. Friedrich is obviously older, having been probably around 21ish when Grell was born and is now in his late 40s (48-50). Grell was not made on purpose so for Hilary to have gone through with the pregnancy so young and immediately going on to marrying the man she had a baby with must have been a lot for her. It’s not like she would’ve had many options but to keep Grell but still. We all know the Circus arc, abandoning kids isn’t far off and she could’ve easily done the same. Grell kept her going and so when the inevitable Cliff Scene™, as I am now dubbing it, comes along, I know that I won’t be able to resist thinking about Hilary when she eventually learns of her baby’s death. End scene.

I said it didn’t I? I said I’d make things shorter. And I have delivered. (Future Em here: the whole thing is 4.5k words. Which technically is shorter so I do win ha) The thing is, now we’re on to the Mirror Scene. If you are reading both this and the story side by side, now is the time when I tell you to stop, go read the scene properly, and then come back. Trust me, you’ll need it. The Mirror Scene™ is one that’s full of heavy, heavy feelings and ideology that hit me hard. There are trigger warnings for nudity and dysphoria, and they should be taken into account before reading. This is an important scene towards setting up Grelle and will be coming back in the future. I am not transgender individual and so if I say something that is in bad taste or offensive, please do not hesitate to let me know. In this section, I also talk about my own struggles from being a kid and now with how I perceive myself, so be warned of that. It starts right after the paragraph about Grell turning the mirror around. If there is one thing I could ask of everyone, it’s to be kind to me about that part and if you don’t wanna see it, don’t read it. But let me talk about it for my own sake. With that being said:

Section 2: The Mirror Scene  

I’m going back to paragraphs, this isn’t a bullet point endeavor. So the scene opens and Grellie’s having a bath. We got the setup and we get a reiteration of how small Grell’s room is. Most importantly in this description is that where he bathes gives a direct path to his reflection. 

This reflection is the whole thing which sets up the scene. It’s generally something that happens to a lot of people where they become insecure at what they see in the mirror, whether because of just general insecurity pushed by beauty ideals, or something which takes root in the mind and festers and grows into something much worse. The latter of this is true for Grell. He perceives himself in his mind much differently from how he looks in real life. Grell isn’t the perfect self he sees in his mind. Again, this is something that a lot of people feel, but for him, it’s much deeper than that. He knows what he wants to see, the perfect self in his mind, however knows that that will never be him. Grell, in his mind, can never be the person who he always sees in himself, almost as if he’s locked away in a cage of who he is on the outside. The light might seem so close and the corners of the room he’s in are visible in the near pitch black, but it never gets closer nor further away. It’s a detachment from the mind yet also something that is ever present in the corners of it. This anxiety and these feelings are described as a God-given punishment and a “flesh-eating disease” in a fitting way which shows the internalized turmoil he feels from feeling this way. I asked Ell about Hilary not having aborted Grell and she had told me about how, before Grell, Hilary wasn’t as connected to religion but that after she is somewhat religious. Grell also says how he’s read biblical verses in school (though it is said “unwillingly” which suggests that neither Hilary or Friedrich cared much about having Grell submit to a religion). Obviously he knows about the whole idea that “God doesn’t make mistakes” and so to be feeling that he, in the body he was gifted and blessed with, is not his true self is a high sin. It’s the disease that eats away at his brain, the sin which keeps him from being true. Even with Hilary letting him try things for fun at times or if Friedrich was more open to it, Grell has that internalized turmoil of what he has been taught versus what he is.

Then we get to the rituals he would do to lessen his, let’s be honest, dysphoria (there is also the dysmorphia which is implied but the two tend to go hand-in-hand sometimes so I’ll touch on it more as the scene progresses but in a general sense, what Grell is feeling dysphoric). He starts slow with just turning the mirror around which seems like a pretty good idea. He doesn't have to perceive his true being when clothed or when naked and you know what that sounds like a pretty good deal. Except then he gets asked about it and oh shit I need an excuse and oh fuck I’m not a good liar and I can’t really tell people the real reason I’m doing this and uh uh uh I need a new solution. 

Something I wanna intercept this stream with here is the image of Grell having panic attacks in his room. It’s small, we know this, I keep bringing it up and so like unless he goes and has his attacks (because you cannot tell me that Grell Sutcliff has never had a case of semi-frequent panic attacks he literally had one in the first chapter and felt so much anxiety about his new job before that he ended up throwing up) on his bed, the floor is the only option. With the layout we were given, I bet you that the floor he’d have these attacks on were- wouldn’t you know it- right in front of that damn mirror. So while he’s already feeling bad, I want you to imagine Grell sitting on his floor facing the mirror or being able to at least see himself in the mirror at some point in the midst of a panic attack. And all those thoughts of his dysphoria coming in to join the party. But I digress.

Next solution, wear a shirt over yourself. The thinking for why he does it is much different than what I’m gonna compare it to, but I’m gonna do it anyway. When I first read this part, I was immediately thrown back into little Em’s mind when they used to go to the pool with their friends and were always told that they had to wear a large shirt over themselves in order to go swimming. For those who don’t know, this is something that a lot of parents do to cover up their children’s bodies from pervs, however, I, at the ripe age of 10 and even beyond to now at 19, have never been a skinny kid. I was always the fat kid and not the fat where you just developed early and wow look it’s the 12 year old with boobs (though that too), I was the fat kid who was told by my relatives to stop wearing short sleeved shirts because my arms were too fat to make it look right or to stop wearing shorts because my thighs were too big. I still keep that ideology to this day as I reach 20 this year and have not owned a pair of shorts since I was 11. Anyways, Grell wearing a shirt to bathe in reminded me of all of this because that’s what I would do. I’d wear a shirt in the shower, to the pool, and I’m sure if I ever went to a waterpark, I’d wear it there too. This isn’t all for analysis purposes that I’m mentioning this, rather it’s because this is a part which I, Em, the author of this post, hi, hello, how’s it going, resonated with very much so. I mentioned in the little disclaimer before this part, I am not a transgender individual. But for those who were following me up until like two weeks ago know, I recently changed my pronouns and while I don’t have a label for myself quite yet, this part with Grell using a nightshirt to cover himself as a way to not have to be perceived even if it’s just be himself, calling it an “unremovable suit of man’s skin”, and saying how he has a “loathing for his own form” hit me in a place I didn’t need to be hit (/hj). I heavily considered not mentioning my own feelings about this part, but to do so would be a disservice to myself, to the little girl who I once was, and to the character who has helped me through some of these feelings. And, of course, to all of the other people who may or may not see this post, read what I said, and think to themselves “I’m not alone.” I hope you enjoyed looking a bit more into who I am as a person and why I am who I am because I sure didn’t (/j). If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, please, please, please never hesitate to reach out to me. I will always be there as best I can for those who need it. /gen

Anyways, that sad stuff is over, so let’s get back into the sad stuff that we came here for :D  The delusion that the shirt will help, even if just for the moment, and the idea that maybe one day, just maybe, things will change overnight, is such a hurtful thought. Partly because the delusion and false hope of it all can just cause more harm and disappointment as time goes on but also because it’s just sad. Grell is stuck in this endless cycle and because of his internalized fears, the cycle is destined to never end. He studies himself, as if he’s an external being rather than the body that inhabits his brain. He convinces himself he’s sick. Someone who would be locked away as delusional. He hides his thoughts of her away in fear of what could happen lest he make herself truly known.

Describing her body, she doesn’t connect much to herself really. Sure, Grelle may deem it as “his limbs” or even “his penis” but it’s as she says, it’s not a combination of words which resonates with her. That isn’t her body that she sees, yet she’s still faced with the unfortunate reality that she is connected to it. Scars might be easy to conceal, but the weight will always remain. Disfigurement might not make the essential bane of her existence go away, but it can conceal some of it. Alternatively, the scar of her penis is one which is too big to conceal properly, no matter how much she may try. It’s there. She can try and get rid of it, but the scar will always remain, figuratively and literally in the case of bottom surgery. 

Then we get to the apex of the mirror scene- Grell’s art skills. Okay no but seriously, Grell lets Grelle take over here as she draws out herself while, internally, Grell is almost panicking, coming to full terms with what is really going on. He sees herself; the her who has always been in the back of his mind, plaguing his inner thoughts of his perception versus his reality. He sees who she is for the first time visually, properly, in the real world. And she loves it. She doesn’t see herself as ugly, she sees herself as her. Grelle is finally seeing what she was always missing for the past 27 years.

And then reality comes back.

The big takeaway besides the obvious reveal and realization of Grelle versus Grell is the fact that he never erased the image. One could argue “oh but he does it later”; does he random person?? Does he really?? Because I think that in the abrupt snap from Grelle to Grell, I don’t think he does. I think he’s gonna finish getting dressed, and then go back to the kitchen and leave the mirror as it is with the image of Grelle on it. I think that this is going to cause problems. Hell, I know this is gonna cause problems. But that, dear friends, is something which will be properly revealed in the next chapter of The Story of Grelle the Reaper. Until next time. (*in a matpat voice* But hey, that’s just a theory, a Grelle theory, thanks for reading. Sorry, I had to lol.)

~~~

There is so much to love about this story from the way it's written, to the relationships between the characters, to how much detail is being paid attention to here. If you'd like to be tagged, feel free to leave an ask or a reply and I will gladly add you to the taglist for the analysisisis that I do on tsogtr. And if you have any of your own theories or comments, leave those too! I'd love to start a section where we can talk about all of our theories, especially as things pick up more and more. Until next chapter!

Taglist: @hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji @superjelly11

[4dmc]

how does one correctly format a post to promo their ao3 fanfic? asking for a friend who is new to tumblr

I'm sorry for answering late. I did think about this question so hopefully it can give you the traction you need. There is, I think, no one way or correct way of promoting a post...without having to pay for it (i definitely don't know if that's possible but I'll assume you came for how to boost posts organically)

If you mean to promote someone's fanfic on a post, the 3 best things that I think work are:

1. Tagging, like tag the most noteworthy keywords about the fanfic. Tumblr's search system is a little...meh, so use the most popular tags you know of, in accordance to the post/fanfic/content

2. Curating the look of your blog. Tumblr still has elements of old school blogging type of way. If you're here to help boost fanfics you like and for a friend, make and edit the appearance of your blog! You definitely can describe all the things/fandom you're into. You can also add warnings, such as saying 18+ or the triggers. Totally up to you.

3. Liking/reblogging other people's content that calls to you also helps, so your username and activities are seen by others. Tagging and even crediting that reblogged content pushes their name! To me, this is like just paying kindness forward. We are all pushing our content to a non-existing algorithm here 😅

The 3 things I mentioned work for most types of posts. If you want, you can try to find very specific fanfic blogs. Approach them kindly if you wanna boost a fanfic. And engage with their content, like/reblog/comment if anything suits your fancy.

Again I will say this is what I do and I personally don't know the most foolproof way in tumblr.

You can definitely keep asking around what they do, especially the ones who handle fanfics. I'm sorry to tell you I haven't totally spoken to one who archives/blogs a lot of fanfics but I'm pretty sure they don't bite.

Good luck.

[aphobicplacesscale]

....

So I read your criteria, and I noticed something...

I almost never mean to be aphobic, in fact I honestly seem to be an angled loveless aroace (I experience platonic and sexual attraction (? Not really attraction but libedo) more) but I often use the word love

Likely due to the fact that

1. Allos seem to do that, partially doing it to fit in

2. I have slight bullying / social exclusion trauma thanks to being neurodivergent. And if I say 'I respect you' or 'I care for you' or something else more similar to my true experience, it feels slightly passive aggressive which I do not mean at all

Usually, when I use any labels for relationships, I mean like, the level below

So, what do I do to make my personal blog more aspec friendly ? /gen

Cool question!

Not easy, but surely really interesting.

Using the word love is not straight-up aphobic. It isn't a "wrong" or "bad" word in any way.

Love is a difficult concept, and the definition varies from one person to another, so what may trigger somebody may be perfectly fine for someone else.

I personally prefer not using it (or putting an alternative wording near), but it is mainly due to my pettiness, my wish to be as inclusive as I can, and the fact that sometimes it bugs me to read/think about it. But this is my thought, and it's based on my personal relationship with the concept of love in our society. It can be different for other people. (It probably is).

You don't have to act like an allo person to fit in: if something makes you uncomfortable, they will respect you. Otherwise, they're probably not the group of persons you will want to fit in.

You can have really valid reasons to use the word, and nobody can tell you that your feelings and your sensibility on this matter are wrong. Just pay attention to other people, too.

The "I love you"s aren't what makes a blog aphobic.

If you think you could support the aspec community more, here are some suggestions. Obviously, those are only a few, but they can be valid point from which you can start. (Is it that obvious I really enjoy lists?)

Aspec related posts! If you see a cool art, an interesting discussion, a rant you can understand and relate to (or one you can't, but you still want to support them), an informational post about a label not well known, even just some random "aspec people are valid" post, reblog them! (Every time I'm randomly scrolling and I see one of those, it warms my heart!)

Trigger warnings tags. To tag things properly is important, but, often, people forget tws for things like romance, sex mention, or aphobia. I find them quite useful, and probably romance/sex repulsed people do too.

No aphobia. Seems obvious, but pay attention that none of your posts contain messages that can be offensive for aspec people. This includes but is not limited to: "love is all that matters"/"love is love" signs; exclusionists (people who don't belive aspecs are part of the lgbtqia+ community) posts; posts that say that a certain label under the aspec umbrella doesn't exist; and every other message that invalidates our experiences and feelings.

Another pretty obvious one, not strictly related to the blog as it works irl, too, do not invalidate aspec people's experiences. This includes fictional characters.

Be open to dialogue: if somebody tells you something is making them uncomfortable, or that you could do something better,be open to changes and constructive criticism.

This is pretty much all I can think of right now. Those are general points that are always useful to keep in mind, but, obviously, there can be more.

I hope this is at least a little bit interesting and helpful.

If I said something wrong, feel free to correct me!

[ciezi]

So uh I just got yelled at??

read the trigger warnings in the tags

The bodies mother won’t ever beat the ableist and shitty person allegations after she called my dad with cancer and had to get chemo which fuxked with his brain “good for nothing” and “r*tarded”. Why are you married to a guy you don’t even love and “does nothing for you”??

She also called me a bunch of shit like “entitled” “ungrateful” “you only think about yourself” and other shit all because I wanted pants a size too big for me?? I didn’t even beg for it or yell at her because she said no, I just accepted it and she’s calling me names as if I did?? And then got mad when I said “I don’t know” to going in certain stores and about leaving the mall like?? “Of course you don’t know. You never know anything” “Of course you don’t care. You never care about anything” excuse me?? Why does it matter so much that I don’t know what stores I want to go to??

She also tried bombarding me with shit like “you have no friends. You never try and keep friends. You don’t try and make friends” HUH?? I have fucking friends?? I have people I talk to in real life?? I literally WENT UP to someone to become their friend. She ALWAYS try’s to use this argument against me like what?? She saw me HANGOUT with one of those friends this summer and she has the audacity to tell me “where are they?” “why aren’t you hangout with them then?”

But let’s say I don’t have any friends, why the fuck are you SHAMING me for that?? What is wrong with you.

She also tried shaming me for not wanting to take this medication (like this ones prescribed bya psychiatrist) a long time ago because I didn’t feel comfortable with the psychiatrist nor taking it, for feeling like I was getting worse by going to therapy and didn’t feel like I was being helped at all, and she claimed I went to a psychologist but I don’t remember ever going to one so idk what that’s about??

She drove away in her car after dropping me off and I hope she doesn’t come back. My life would be so much better with these people gone. She’s the reason Im fucked up in the first place. She’s the reason why my brain is disordered in so many ways and how I can no longer live a normal life and need constant ACTUAL help like the correct type of therapy. She has a “r*tarded” son and a “r*tarded” husband that she doesn’t give a shit about. I’m going to unalive myself, I swear I’m going to end it. She wanted to disappear. Let’s she how she feels when someone is actually gone.

“I have it hard!” Ok?? So do i. Just because you have it hard doesn’t invalidate MY experiences and what I go through.

[romanarose]

Hello there ✨️ love your work 💕 I'm a long time fan 🫶🏼. I've been on tumblr a few years now, but I'd never found the courage to post anything of my own til now. I've been feeling a little optimistic these days, and genuinely excited about posting some of my writing and sharing it with the people out here. Do you have any advice on how to start posting and interacting from scratch? Cause I'm low-key nervous abt it and it seems like my target audience has already formed a solid community I don't know how to get into 🥺

Wow, this might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me wowie!!!!!!

okay let me tell my advice

The numbers don't equal quality. Certain things appeal to people more, like shorter stories, straight up smut, Joel Miller gets way more than when I write Marc. I think one of my best works was my Marc X Jewish!Reader series, Seattle, but it idnt get anywhere really even at the height of moon knight popularity bc people dont read OC's esp ethnic oc's. Put your heart into it and those who enjoy it will enjoy it. I had a William Miller series that averaged like 8-20 notes per chapter but I had a handful of readers I knew adored it and thats what mattered

This site is so much better with interaction. PLEASE DON"T ONLY INTERACT FOR THE SAKE OF GETTING FRIENDS WHO"LL REBLOG!! However, if you dont already, make sure you are reblogging stories and leaving nice words! Me personally, if someone reblogs regularly and leave nice words, espcially things that show they really paid attention, I usually just follow back bc I love friends. Im happy to get to know you!

Yes, it's hard sometimes to break it. It took a few months for me to get into the Oscar Issac writer circles, and then when I started writing Pedro it took a while too but I always reblogged and tried to communicate and I made friends. Isn't it crazy we can just.... become friends with our fav writers? Obvs Im not friends with all my favs but MOST of my favs became my friends <3

It's kinda annoying to me bc Im bad at it but aesthetics help. Title, a picture to catch eyes, summary, warnings, note. Try to make it look nice. Im really had at this LMFAOOOOOO. My lovely friends have made my best looking banners. If you have graphic design skills, use them! i wish i didn't have to but it does help catch readers when you have an interesting headers and everything looks pretty.

Few technicals. Use the readmore option. No one wants to reblog a LOOOOOONG story and clog up the feeds. Use as many correct tags as you can. Tag any triggering content. And I'm the worst at this but proof read. Im bad at proof reading, everyone who reads my work knows spelling, grammar, wrong words are a common issue I have bc Im bad at typing. When I still had word on my laptop I started typing in word and using text to speach to help me catch stuff!

Keep at it! IDK where you know my work, weather moon knight, triple frontier or tlou or whatever but all those fandoms right now are like.... a little less active. So don't be dissapointed if it takes a while. With TLOU, theres SOOOOOOO many amazing writers. With Moon Knight theres just less buzz rn. If you write for lesser known characters like Llewyn Davis or Will Miller, you probs won't reach the notes of established writers in Joel Miller. Just the reality. the point is keep going, find what you like and what gets people excited and go from there

This is the most important. Write what you want. I mean it. I love writing Will Miller because he's my special man <3 even though it's a small fanbase. My series Rooms On Fire, a lot have lost interest bc its a long series. That's okay! I love the series and it makes me happy to write it. I wrote a few Miguel O'Hara stories because, I'm being honest here, I wanted to capitalize on the hype. Guess what? They weren't good. I'm not proud of them. Since then, I write what Im inspired to.

THIS SHOULD BE FUN AND IF AT ANY POINT, IT"S NOT FUN STOP AND FIGURE OUT WHY

feel free to say hi off anon! I'm always happy to get to know new people. If you like Triple Frontier, I have a discord server that is pretty much open to everyone! I'm trying to revive it and you can share your works and meet knew people!

Anon or not, let me know if you have any questions!

[flowleased]

What makes a good Dark Romance Book?

Is there a good dark romance book or there's no good dark romance book? If you're just scrolling down and you somehow saw this post because we have the same tags, then please have the time to read my thoughts.(please keep in mind on what I ask) this started when I was craving to read a dark romance book, I wanted to have a big bad villain or main love interest to fall in love with FMC. So I decided to go search it with my trusty app "TikTok", there were so many book recommendations for dark romance themes but the one that was mostly recommended was "Haunting Adeline" by H.D Carlton. I was interested with the short summary and I was ready to read it, but when I was minding my business I saw this one post who was talking about what dark romance was supposed to be, talking about how they were supposed to be a morally grey mmc or a vampire mmc. And when I check the comment section a lot of people hated Haunting Adeline. I was really conflicted on what I was doing and reading since I was diagnosed with depression last year(my mom says whatever your reading it can affect your thoughts and mood) and I was doing better and happier and I didn't want to waste those efforts just to go back being a pit of messy sadness and anger. So what I did like any sane person do was to avoid reading it, I still have it just not read it. I was really conflicted on what was going through me and I should start avoid reading dark romances, however there was that ever longing of having a dark villainous love interest fall for the Female lead and see her as their love of their life and their vulnerability. So I started asking google if there was any good dark romance books and I received nothing, i mean sure it'll show dark romance books but not GOOD dark romance books. If you're confused on what I mean here's my category:

Good Dark Romance:

Good dark romance books are where the main love interest is mysterious, have gone through a very traumatic past and morally grey philosophy. They're like an anomaly you want to discover and hold it onto your own hands; here are my top picks that I think are good dark romance books. Trilogy of "Blood of my Monster" by Rina Kent and "Sweet Temptation" by Cora Reilly

Dark Romance:

From what I understand from dark romance enthusiast, they're are willing to kill, destroy, blackmail and etc. just to get the girl.(for those who read Haunting Adeline please tell me if I'm mistaken but did the main love interest rape someone or rape the female lead? Cause that has me spiralling my Insanity.)

Thoughts:

What I want to read for a dark romance story is like "Crossed" by Emily Mcintire the never ever after series. I want a man who's willing to kill and sacrifice for the girl, bend and break himself to shreds until he gets his happily ever after. I just want to read a dark romance book in a people's standards, cause I felt that in order to live the fullest of your life is to be part of the society. You have to be where people feel comfortable and satisfied, cause if you don't you're just someone who's called crazy. I know how to separate myself with fiction and reality and sometimes my depression gets me because of the story but I'm able to bounce back and realize these are just works of fiction(and I knew what I was getting myself into). And I've always wanted to feel be part of the world or a community who feel the same I feel and not criticize unless correct me if I'm wronged. A lot of people say it's not a good excuse to use "Oh it's a dark romance book" and it's not right for young teenagers or adults reading this, and I agree but didn't the author wright tags or warn readers how it's for mature audiences before reading? Isn't a person fault for reading it regardless of the warnings? If a person wants to read a dark romance book and read through the trigger warnings but enjoyed the book shouldn't the person just relax and love the book? It doesn't mean they support the mmc doings or romanticize it but rather they just love the idea of it. It's also the person fault if they read the book regardless of the warnings and started hating the book. It's not the book fault but the person themselves, the author realize how gory and mature for this to be published in public and wrote down trigger warnings how it's only for mature audiences ONLY. And Im just scared that people are just going to hate this post on what I made when all I wanted was to hear a person thoughts on what they deem is a good dark romance story for them.

[minaashido22]

Dirsturbingly realsitic facts about scars

I know there are a lot of book and fanfiction writers out there who love to use scars in their storys! (and I love that too). So here are some very disturbing but realisitc facts about scars.

Feel free to use them in your storys. (maybe tag me ^^)

Also some TRIGGER WARNING. The discriptions can be really graphic.

scars are senstive

I know, I know. Thats not really a big surprise but I think you underestimate just HOW sensitve they are. They are very sensitive to the touch. Even after years of getting them you can still feel the capped nerve ends and with every light fingerly touch you can still feel the sharp edge that ones scliced your skin. And I mean that in a very very not good way. Its literary giving you flashbacks and muscle memory kicks in to flinch away from the hurt.

2. scars can feel different in different seasons

Some of you might already know that scars can hurt in cold seasons. They feel like shrinking in your skin, trying to make themselves shield away from the cold. Sometimes they 're hot to the touch, rubbing raw from whooly hoodies or feel like someone cut them open again. They feel different when being burned by the sun. Kind of dry, liking cracking skin. You know the feeling when your hands are just TOO dry in the winter? Thats what sunburned scars feel like. and very very HOT.

3. phantom pain and psychosomatic pain is a real thing

Memory can really trigger pain. Not only mental pain but also physical. The memory of getting a scar, getting shot, getting cut is very real and disturing and they can come back and so does the pain. The pain can feel different with different memorys. Your brains is basically trying to tell you: that was a very bad feeling, you remember how bad that was? Never let that happen again! Here is a reminder how bad that was :)

4. untreated scars are nasty

There is a difference to the look of certain scars. Those treated in a hospital are neat, fine and (mostly) thin. When you have a scar that is cut deep and without medical treatment, they get thick and buldge - like. You can see exactly where your skin healed and where something was cut irreparable, leaving bumpy skin with deep wholes. The skin will never really heal in a correct way.

5. burning scars look very different and feel very different

Burning scars can look completly different from cutting scars. When your skin is burned, it will look red and raw for a very long time and then eventually turn into something red-brownish, darker than the rest of your skin. While cutting scars look white when your skin is tanned, burning scars look red. Sometimes it also depends on the degree of combustion how the scar looks. When a wide area is burned, they can look like someone clawed at you skins. Deep, gashing lines like fingernails digging in your skin. Also burning scars are more sensitive to hot water. Have you ever had a shower after a sunburn? Hot water doesnt feel so good, does it?

I hope you find this useful (and a little horrifying)

Feel free to add more to the list! Lets help writers use scars properly in their storys!!

[wyked-ao3]

Writing Share Tag

thank you for the tag @the-golden-comet

Ok so here is a snippet of omens chapter nineteen (almost done with that chapter) *warning this is unedited and I have dyslexia* I don't think there is anything major besides for lack of punctuation but I tend to edit several times for a reason ..... This situation or one similar to it will probably end up causing a breakdown or panic attack at some point for the character but not yet ..... Also it will probably get a partial rewrite as this is more my attempt of doing things in drafts versus correct it all in one go.....not sure how I like it

*** WARNING***" kidnapping trigger maybe? Not sure but I'm including it

Sam was not upset that his brother Dean didn't worry about him and stayed with Castiel, he knew while they had patched things, it was never going to be the way it used to be. He knew they had both crossed lines the other wouldn't forgive fully, they had a truce; that was all. Really at the end of the day it was more they tolerated each other and he needed to stop pretending otherwise. it was not like it was going to change anytime soon. He watched as Dean came out of the back hallway that most of the rooms were off of.

Dean said “so you're all good?” 

Sam said “kidnapped again but I'll survive, Adam got to go out this time to help prevent a seal from breaking, so you would not be interrupted.” He was getting used to being kidnapped by psychotic Angels at this point, he could try to stop it but he didn't like the odds plus the angels were supposed to be allies in keeping Lucifer trapped wherever he is in hell.

Dean nodded and walked over to Adam clapping him on the shoulder and said “thanks man you're the best” before walking back to the halfway.

Adam said “someone should probably tell him that Sam faced an angel to prevent Castiel from being bothered…” he was not sure what to think about Dean thanking him it was weird, he was not sure he liked it to be honest.

Sam snorted, “it would not change anything” his tone blank 

Bobby said “you two have been doing better recently”

Sam said “the air has been cleared we both know the others feelings about things but I do not see it going back to the way it was before hell, we have both said to much for it to happen”

Rufus placed a hand on Bobby's shoulder and said “Sam is right about that Bobby and you know it. I'm surprised they are getting along this well so far.”

Sam shrugged, he was not going to start a fight without a lot of provocation. He was not a pushover but he didn't see a reason to hurt his brother so it took a lot to make him reconsider the stance.

Jo said “I get to go next, Dean is not likely to go with him and Adam is a good shot but sucks at hand to hand or knifes”

Ellen said “no you don't, I do not want you caught up in any more angel drama than you already are.”

Jo said “I can handle myself mother”

Ellen said “that's not what I'm worried about. We do not know how to banish an angel, so if there is a problem we are screwed”

Sam nodded and said “I found this book” he held it out and added “it has some odd sigils that might work…we could probably interrogate Castiel on if they do what they say or not.”

Bobby said “where did you find it?”

Sam said “the dragon cave…I grabbed a few old books along with the eggs..” he looked sheepishly around

Ash said “and they call me the nerd.” giving Sam a look over as he said it.

Sam said “great. Another one!!!” He was not impressed with them popping up like this. He pulled his bag closer to him so he would have it and his supplies if this was another kidnapping

The others looked to the middle of the room and sure enough there was another angel, it was Uriel this time. They were just happy to recognize the angel after the last two…

@adhdprincess @prettiest-boy-around @theneverwriter @lillybaaaka @delulustoryteller @inksrepublic @thatslytherinbitch54 @ whoever wants to join in

Writing Share Tag

Thank you for the tag, @deanwax ! I’ll tag a few myself: @mr-orion , @wyked-ao3 , @minamaybe , @fortunatetragedy @froggy-pposto @autism-purgatory @gioiaalbanoart

From my WIP, Your Wish Is My Command

‼️ ⚠️ Trigger warning for Detailed Panic Attack. The events before this triggered a near mental breakdown of the MC ⚠️ ‼️

“I-I c-c-can’t….!!” Noah was gasping for air. “….B-b-breathe….!!”

“Breathe, Noah.” Ali commanded.

“I-I can’t—!!” Another raspy, tearful cry from Cauldwell’s throat. The warm pressure moved around his upper and lower back.

‘Breathe.’ Ali cut through Noah’s panicking mind in a calm, gentle voice.

‘I-I CAN’T!!’ Noah screamed in his head. ‘I-I-I’m going to d-die!!’

‘Breathe.’ The genie repeated. ‘You’re safe now. Breathe.’

Noah felt a manual force around his ribcage. His shallow, panting breaths were slowed for him. In….out……he felt his chest relax and loosen its constricting hold. ‘In….and out….’ Ali’s voice echoed in his mind.

With trembling fingers, Noah felt around the warm, organic surface. His fingertips traced the soft fabric of the djinn’s deep blue shirt. The warm pressure on his back, which Noah could now register as Ali’s hand, continued petting down the length of his spine.

‘Relax…..’ Ali’s tone hummed in his ears.

Noah’s tight shoulders slacked as he pressed himself into his roommate’s torso, as if he were falling into a hammock. Safety, security. Warmth. Protection. His pounding heart slowed. It beat normally, pulsing gently in his ribcage. Cauldwell felt his body shift up, as another pulsing brushed against his chest. Another heartbeat, syncing with his own. Or rather, his own syncing with Ali’s.

The djinn pressed their chests together, hoping to return Noah’s heart to its natural rhythm. He held his master to his body, strong biceps locked around him tightly, his hand still smoothing on Noah’s back. By this point, Ali had reached his arm up Noah’s hoodie, pressing his palm over the left side of his back, to give skin-on-skin contact and hopefully provide additional warmth and soothing.

Ali felt Noah’s heart beat hard against his palm, yet gently calm. As the panic washed away, swept up like Noah in his arms, Cauldwell finally took his wet face from Ali’s neck. He looked down Ali’s back, as well as his tight grip on the back of his roommate’s shirt. His blinking slowed, as he finally realized he was out of danger. Then, looking up and around at the scenery, Noah took a deep breath.

His apartment. His living room. His couch. His home.

[bonny-kookoo]

Take Me Somewhere Nice (1)

In which his task isn't unusual, nothing special, and not a big deal at all. Get rid of the demon that's attached to a child, simple as that. Or is it?

Tags/Warnings: Angel!Jungkook, Demon!Reader, Enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, Mature (that includes triggering content and smut)

Additional Chapter Warnings: demon!Jimin, unusual friendships, mild angst, tiny fluff, mentions of angel!Taehyung

Chapter length: Mid/long

Series Masterlist (soon)

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"Now you're just doing it to mock me, aren't you?" Jungkook sighs as he sits down across the demon dressed in all white, a smug grin on his face as he looks at the Angel with faked innocence.

"I don't know what you're talking about, pretty-bird." he jokes, earning rolling eyes from the younger one in front of him. "I also already ordered, if you don't mind." he winks, before a bowl is set in front of him, as if called right on time.

"Of course you did.." Jungkook mumbled to himself, before he sits more comfortably, looking across to get a good look of his 'friend'.

It's a little complicated. While Jungkook wouldn't necessarily call Jimin anything similar to a friend, the demon across definitely makes it very obvious that he thinks their friendship is hilarious. Turned a long time ago, he'd become a demon simply for his life lived as a criminal; bad life choices, as he calls it himself.

Though he's never been one to argue that his turning had been unjustified, something quite common amongst demons. It's why Jungkook gets along with him so well.

"I've got some questions." Jungkook starts, while the demon eats. "There's a youngling roaming around. Female, got attached to a kid. I'm sure you know her." he says, because Jimin seems to know every demon around.

It's Jungkook's excuse to meet up with him every once in a while, after all.

"fuck you, I knew you had some ulterior motive coming down here!" Jimin scolds playfully with his mouth full, making Jungkook roll his eyes a little as he leans back in his chair, arms crossed. "but-" the demon swallows down his bite, licking his lips before he shrugs. "-while I know her, I don't think I can help you much." he admits, making the angel across from him almost pout.

"oh come on, don't do this now." he scoffs. "you demons don't care about loyalty, so don't use that excuse on me." he almost laughs, though he does regret it when Jimin looks at him with a look that clearly speaks about his distaste about those words. Because demons do actually care about loyalty.

A lot.

"It's not about loyalty, pretty-bird." he sighs, putting his chopsticks down before he leans back, bowl empty and stomach full. "it's about the fact that I don't know much at all." he tells him, while Jungkook seems unsure still.

"nothing? I mean, she's a youngling but surely you gotta know something about her." he presses on. "Souls don't just.. Pop out of nowhere." he says, leaning back in his chair again. He needs to know how you got turned into what you are now- not only to find out your weaknesses, but to also maybe make sense on why you've attached yourself to a child of all things.

A tiny and fragile soul, not even remotely enough to feed someone as hungry as a young demon.

"you said you were friends Jimin! And yet you know nothing?" Jungkook tries one last time, but the demon across from him shakes his head.

"I can't know what not even she knows." he says, and it takes a moment until the Angel understands what he's talking about.

"you mean.?" he wonders, and Jimin nods.

"She's got no idea either. All I know is that she was just as confused as you are right now when I found her. Hell, she was terrified- not that I blame her." he mumbles the last part to himself, before looking out the window of the little restaurant they both met in to discuss you.

"so she's empty." Jungkook states more than he asks, well aware that his conclusion is most probably correct.

'Empty' simply means that a demon holds no negative feelings inside- has no reason to have turned at all. No hatred and no trauma or crime that could've made them follow the ways of the shadows instead of letting go like souls typically do.

"Or her memories got locked away." Jimin reminds the angel, who instantly looks at him. "I know it hasn't happened in a while, but Taehyung-"

"Taehyung was a completely different case, Jimin." Jungkook argues, shaking his head. "He simply got lost wandering-"

"He killed his father-" The demon argues, but Jungkook doesn't bend down.

"He protected himself and his sister and paid for his act! His intentions were never dark, he just.." Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek, because he doesn't know how to further justifies the actions of his fellow friend and angel.

"it's okay to admit that he was gray." Jimin calmly states after the Angel seems more calm. "I never understood why you guys try and justify everything so much. Sometimes things just aren't right or wrong, black or white. And you-" he leans forward, tapping the hand of the Angel that's resting on the table. "- should know best, no?" he says, finger tracing a deep but small scar on the back of the Angel's hand-

Who immediately retreats his palm as if burned, chair loudly scraping on the floor as he leaves the restaurant, leaving behind an amused demon, who looks back outside the window before he pays for the meal and walks outside, a black cat rubbing herself on his leg, making him chuckle.

"You're surely making things a lot more interesting down here, little thing." he mumbles more or less to himself as he picks you up into his arms to look after the angel flying away, unseen by the rest of the world walking by, his hand scratching your chin while you purr.

Something is definitely happening.

And he can't wait for the show to begin.

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Rest Your Weary Hands Part 5

Ivar gets his legs this chapter. I'm finding it very hard to write the reader as totally inclusive and it's making it hard to enjoy the writing, I will try to keep it as neutral as possible but there will be some body descriptions. I'm a WOC so it will have that very slight theme. I'm sorry if it no longer relates to you.

Part 4

Warnings: Past sexual harassment. migraines, Ivar is a sweetie with a terrible bedside manner, hurt/comfort, chronic pain and illness. If I miss any please let me know.

2,881 Words

Comment if you want to be tagged.

Queen Aslaug walks into your little Healers store with one request, help her son. Said to be blessed by the gods, you find your life becoming more and more intertwined with the young prince as you do your best to ease his pain. It will soon be apparent that outside forces have other ideas.

Ivar had no idea why you had dragged him to the Blacksmith so early, nor why you spent most of the night more measuring his legs. You had insisted that it was a surprise and that he would have to wait and see.

The Blacksmith's shop was out of the way enough that you didn't think you needed to worry about being found, but nonetheless, you asked if the store could be closed for the morning.

"What are you planning y/n?"

You didn't want to tell him until you knew it could be done. You had read an old letter from someone who used forged braces and a crutch to help someone trampled by a horse to walk again, and you wanted to see if the design could be repurposed with Ivar in mind.

"You won't be here for long, My Prince, and then you can spend the rest of the morning with your Bothers, if all goes well you can come back tonight." Ivar looked at you strangely.

"Fine, but don't keep me here the whole day if whatever you're doing fails."

It didn't take long for Ivar's part to be over, all he had to was sit there while the Blacksmith made sure your measurements were correct.

"You can go now, I'll see you back here tonight." It seemed Ivar was waiting for you to follow him.

"Go, you're free of me for the day. Go off and have fun." he seemed to take that, you couldn't wait for his return.

You found yourself enjoying the smithing more than you thought, but the smell of the melting metal and the heat was making you feel unwell. You knew you should have gone home but the pain you were in for in the coming days was nothing compared to what Ivar was about to get.

"Calm down, y/n. Ivar will be back by nightfall and then you can show him all your hard work. If you keep moving around like that, you'll shake my shack down." You liked the Blacksmith, he was blunt and had a good sense of humour.

"I know, I'm just ready for this to be done so Ivar can finally feel like a normal man."

As the sun began to set, the cast metal was finally cool, and you could hear the telltale clank slide of Ivar arriving.

He knew something was going on, he had never seen you smile so big and you were moving from foot to foot like you had taken something you shouldn't have.

"I have a surprise for you My Prince."

You directed him to lay on the ground on some furs you had laid out.

"Just trust me ok?" The clanging sound was not fun, and you could feel it shake your skull. You knew that sooner or later, it would trigger an attack and your head would feel like it was being split open but as long as you lasted till tomorrow, you'd be ok.

It didn't take as long as you thought to have the braces on, when the last hammer blow fell the Blacksmith was already going to the backroom to get the new crutch.

"Ok, I'm going to help you for a minute but you should be able to do it yourself when you get your balance."

When Ivar saw the crutch, it clicked.

"What did you plan Woman?" He was so confused.

"No time to talk, I'm going to grab one of your hands and I want you to put the other one the crutch, then on three, I'm going to pull you up."

You did so, holding onto his hand as tight as you could while you use your combined body weight to rock back and then pull up.

Ivar wobbled for a moment and then managed to stand still. You let go of his hand slowly but stayed close enough to catch him if he fell. The smile on his face was worth everything. But that's not Ivar was thinking, sure he was standing but the way you were looking at him made him feel like he had just slain Fenrir.

"Now put your weight on the crutch and take one step, one whatever leg feels the best." He did so, all be it a little wobbly.

He was looking at you in disbelief.

"Now do it with the other leg." he was more steady now, you didn't feel like you had to be standing there to catch him. You didn't expect Ivar to be able to pick it up so quickly, you also didn't expect him to walk over and hug you. But he did, he crossed the room with surprising ease and wrapped you in his arms like a snake.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." It sounded like he was crying but it was getting hard to you to take a deep breath

By Thor he was strong.

"Ivar you're crushing me." he pulled back but kept his hands on you. A silence came over the room. You had never seen him his close, he was very handsome.

"We are late for dinner but I think you deserve to make an entrance." You had planned to be late so everyone was in the hall when you got in but there's was no way you'd ever tell Ivar that. The Blacksmith looked at you like he knew, you had wondered why he took so long to cut all the leather.

"We should take the back way to avoid spoiling the surprise." You were smiling so much your face was hurting.

"Agreed" The Blacksmith was shoving you both out the back door the moment you figure out your plan

************************************************************************

You and Ivar pressed yourself against the wall as you walked back to the Great Hall.

"AHHH Ivar." You yank him behind a pillar to avoid the men walking by.

"Oh, so I'm Ivar now?" You could hear something in his voice but it was hard to pinpoint.

"I think I've earnt a first name basis." Ivar didn't say anything, and you started to walk again.

"Stop making eye contact with them Ivar, you'll give us away." Ivar rolled his eyes at you very dramatically.

"I'm not the one who keeps squealing when people walk by!" You were pressed against the wall in an alleyway a street away from the Great Hall now.

"I do not squeal!" Ivar pressed his hand over his face to stop a laugh.

"Collect yourself, it will make more of an impact if we just walk in." Ivar took a deep breath and followed after you.

The Great Hall was quiet tonight, Ragnar's family had forgone the nightly feast to spend time with each other.

"I'll go in and sit down, you come in just after me." Ivar thought to himself that you would never make a spy.

You walked into the Great Hall as calmly as you could, you couldn't even make eye contact with anyone for fear of breaking.

"Sorry I'm late, Ivar should be in soon." they knew something was up.

Thump step, thump step, thump step.

"That should be him now." You watched the door open and the crutch come through the opening, you hid your face behind your hands to hide your smile.

Ivar stood proudly in the door was before coming in and sitting down without a word. You shared a look and turned to the room. Aslaug was crying, fanning her hand in hopes of banishing the tears.

"We've had a busy day." Then you were being flung out of your seat in Ubbe's arms. He was squeezing you with all his might while spinning you around in circles.

"This is wonderful. You are truly a gift from the gods." You could hear the elation in his voice. Aslaug was standing next to her Son, looking into his eyes.

"I knew I was right."

How cryptic

"Thank you y/n, for everything you've done for us." that meant a lot coming from Lagertha.

"How did you come up with this?" Sigurd sounded impressed.

"It wasn't my idea. I acquired some letters from a traveller, those letters spoke of a man who, after being trampled by a horse, was able to walk again with braces and a crutch." Nods all around, they seemed like they really wanted to listen to you.

"What's strangest things you've seen?" Ubbe was always very curious.

"Bug bites. The man had just returned from a raid when he noticed, it turns out he fell asleep next to the ocean and was attacked but sea lice that had been whipped into the wind by a storm." You can still remember pouring over scrolls for hours because you had never seen that rash pattern before.

"Have you ever refused to treat someone?" they could see you trying not the laugh.

"Yes, an Earl in the mountains. He fell off a horse as a young man and was having back pain." They knew who you were talking about because he never talked about anything else.

"Earl Knut?" Ivar's tone was impassive, you nodded at him.

"Go on", Bjorn was smiling.

"He was unbearable, he never did anything I asked and just complained all day long. Had he got up off his arse and walked around he would have started feeling better." Ivar looked angry, you understood that. It was hard to live with pain you couldn't control, especially when other people took that control for granted.

"And his Son, by the Gods that man was a pest. He would not leave me alone, it was like he was a rabid dog, or an enormous horse fly." Lagertha and Aslaug giggled in sympathy.

"One day, he comes into the store complaining about a cut on his arm; when I came back from getting supplies from the back, he was standing in the middle of the room stark naked with a flower in his mouth." Ivar didn't look very comfortable.

"I don't know how I handled it without losing my temper. He only left me alone when I found a new healer for his Father, this one was a man and didn't know left from right."

"I don't think most men know the difference between left and right." Aslaug was funny when she wanted to be.

You were really starting to feel the headache now, you hoped that if you got to bed now, you could still function tomorrow.

You were wrong.

************************************************************************

When you woke up it was still dark, your head felt like it was about to burst open. But you could hear Ivar moving around so you had to get up.

"Is everything ok Ivar?" he looked well, maybe a little tried considering how late it was when you heard him come in.

"My feet are swollen, I can't get my shoes on." He didn't sound as down on himself as usual.

"That's to be expected, I'll make you some tea." You went to your chest and hot out the same herbs you gave Ubbe when he fell off his horse. After it steeped, you handed it to him.

"I don't like this one, it makes my stomach hurt." You were not in the mood for this.

"Drink the drink Ivar, or I will make you." You sounded a lot like his Mother then, he was too scared to Disobey.

"Thank you, try again in 20 minutes, if it's not better I'll get you another cup. In the meantime, I'll get you some food so your stomach doesn't hurt."

Ivar managed to get his shoes on the first time and you and he walked to breakfast. Ivar was ravenous but you could barely contain the urge to gag, you settled for eating some bread and salty eggs so people wouldn't worry.

"You should come out to the training field with us, we'd hate from something to happen to Ivar the first time he fights on his feet." Sigurd sounded genuinely concerned.

"Of course, I'm looking forward to watching Ivar defeat all of you." You should be in bed resting, but you didn't want to worry anyone, and you certainly didn't want anyone fussing over you.

***********

Despite the growing pain, you were having fun, the cool air on your skin and the pleasant smell of the forested training grounds helped immensely.

Ivar was a very fast learner, he only fell on his face once before he gained his balance. You watched him swing the sword at his Brothers over and over again without tiring, dragging himself around his whole life had made his upper body strong and given him more endurance than his Brothers.

Come lunchtime, you only managed to eat some bread and meat. You were too preoccupied to see how worried they all were.

"I think we should take y/n back to the Hall, she doesn't look very well." Ubbe was ready for you to fall in a heap.

"She hasn't eaten enough today, especially with the cold. That can't help."

Ivar didn't know what to do, it was clear something was very wrong but you were also doing your best to hide it.

"What wrong y/n?" You were taken aback, you never expected them to notice.

"I'm just tired is all." Ivar could tell you were lying.

"No you're not, you're hurting somewhere. Don't lie to me." You could tell his anger was from worry.

"My head is aching, it happens from time to time. I just need a day or two and I'll be back to normal. I promise I won't neglect you." Ivar was gripping your arms and pulling you off your seat.

"We are going back home now, and you will spend the day resting. It's not up for debate, if you don't go, you will be carried." You looked back at his Brothers hoping for backup, but they weren't on your side.

You all walked back slowly, Ivar was watching you the whole time.

You were practically pushed into Ivar's bedroom. "This is unnecessary, I will be fine." Ivar didn't even respond.

"You don't need to put me to bed, either!" There was no point fighting. Plus, you didn't feel like it.

You could hear someone rooting around in your trunk and then Ivar was approaching you with a cup. You could already smell the bitter drink.

"Ivar I don't need that, you know how strong it is." he didn't seem to even hear you.

"Drink the drink y/n or I will make you." You did your best to glare at him but you could see Hvitserk chuckling in the background. You took it in one shot, by the time it started to work everyone but Ivar had left.

"Someone will keep you entertained when you get up."

You woke up a few hours later, Ivar was sitting at the end of your small bed reading a book.

"I'll have Hvitserk bring you some food, you will finish the whole plate before you get up." You'd have to work on his bedside manner but he wasn't bad at looking after another person.

He'll make a good Father.

"I'm actually starving." You looked a little strange but Ivar knew how you felt, but he would take feeling like his skull was full of rabbit fur over the pain any day.

The boys were in out all day, Sigurd has swapped places with Hvitserk once you were done with your meal.

"If you're feeling ok, can you tell me about all your herbs?" You have wondered when Sigurd would bring it up.

"If you bring me my chest I can show you right now." He did just that.

You went through everything, taking out each jar and pouch and showing him how you had already portioned off every ingredient.

"Do you use the same amount for every person?" You liked that question.

"No, half the portion for children, the whole portion for women and teenagers and double for men." Sigurd thought that made a lot of sense.

"What about for Berserkers?" You held up three fingers, your face said that you had some stories.

It was dinner time when you were done.

"Thank you for being such great company Sigurd."

*************

Dinner went much better than breakfast, it was still a little hard to carry on a conversation that involved thinking but you were feeling much better.

"We'll have to have you back here very soon, Bjorn and Lagertha are leaving for their Earldom soon and we would like to discuss some trade ideas." It took a moment for it to sink in.

"You want my advice?" You must have been looking at Aslaug like she had two heads.

"Of course I do, who better to ask about spices than the expert." You were still a little stunned.

You and Ivar went to bed pretty early, you were drying your hair when Ivar asked you to sit down with him at the table.

"Y/n, I wanted to ask you something?" you bobbed your head for him to continue.

"I would like you to stay here in Kattegat with my family and me, I see no reason for you to go back to your village. You can treat your patients here, I'm sure Mother would be happy to give you the best stall in the market."

Oh no

Part 6

Tag List: @ladynightshade30 @katshuya @istorkyou @smears-and-spots @youbloodymadgenius @draculasbride-blog @profoundtyrantharmony @vikingsfranatic @hellie98 @localtrashopossum @polly-jayne @serenitybloodmoon @southernbe @rebyl-dollface

[mizunetzu]

omg i’m so excited i like,, spam read all of your writing and now i can request,,, anyway, could i request maybe something similar to your Tanaka x femboy reader, but with Oikawa? like he mistakes him for a girl and maybe flirts with the reader a little bit and the reader i just like ,,”you do,, you do realize i am a man correct” and hijinks ensue?? sorry if this is too vague i suck at describing things. lotsa love your writing is literally my favorite 💕

Omg wait Oikawa??? And femboy reader??? Hijinks???? Take me now—

——————

Oikawa x reader - Oikawa Tooru Goes Both Ways

⚠️warnings - reader is mistaken and referred to unintentionally as a girl. I assure you, this is a male reader. Femboy reader, if that triggers you.

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

Oikawa couldn’t help but stare as a...rather cute girl stepped into the gym.

“Oi! Shittykawa! Focus!” Iwaizumi was about to hurl a volleyball at Oikawa’s head when he caught sight of where he was staring. He looked from the newcomer, back to Oikawa’s eyes tracing their form up and down.

“Iwa-chan...” Oikawa held his breath as he pointed subtly. “Who is that?”

Iwaizumi looked over back to the intruder. Sure enough, some girl with (h/c) styled hair stood at the foot of the door awkwardly. They weren’t sporting the school uniform, instead wearing a skirt with a cafe apron tied around their waist. Oikawa recognized the cute logo on the somewhat dirty apron as the coffee shop he’d visit on days he wasn’t particularly busy.

All in all, this stranger was incredibly attractive.

Eventually, coach Irihata emerged from the storage closet, and motioned the stranger over. The stranger perked up, pulled out a slightly-wrinkled paper from their back, and timpered off into the office.

Oikawa sighed dreamily. “Iwa-chan...is this what I think it is? Are we fiiiiiinally getting a cute girl manager to manage our team?!”

He draped himself over Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “Aaaaah~! I’m so happy~! And it’s such a cutie too!”

“Get off me, dumbass. You have like...millions of girls throwing their panties at you, literally all that look like her. And you go for the one who decides to join our club?”

Oikawa huffed. “What’s so wrong about that! She’s cute! And she looked so shy standing there...aaaah, I’m swooning just thinking about wrapping her up in my arms-!”

“I’m saying,” Iwaizumi bonked Oikawa on the head. “If you manage to get with her, then break her heart, or at the very least make her uncomfortable, she’ll have to see your annoying face all day at practice, and then she won’t wanna be manager anymore! Because she has to see you!”

Iwaizumi pinched at Oikawa’s scalp. “I want a cute girl manager and to have them actually stay! And who knows? We get brownie points if it’s not another one of your fangirls trying to get in your pants by joining the club!”

“Ow! Mean Iwa-chan, bad!”

“I’m not a damn Pokémon-!” Iwaizumi was about to kick Oikawa in the back, before letting himself simmer down and take a deep breath. He lowered his legs, and turned towards the office door. “...I’m gonna go look at that girl’s application and see what class she’s in. Maybe we can, I dunno, make her a welcome basket of fruit or some corny shit like that.”

“Let me come with you-!”

“No! You’ll just scare her away, and you have cleaning duty! All you need to do is take down the net, and I’ll meet you outside when I’m done. If you be good, I’ll tell you her name.”

Oikawa thought about it for a second.

“Deal.”

He disappeared to take down the net from the poles. Iwaizumi sighed, and walked towards the door. They were the only two left in the gym, as they were in charge of cleanup for the day, so no one else but him should be in the office. Well, minus the new girl and coach Irihata.

Iwaizumi slid open the door. “Yo.” He greeted. He looked around the room, only finding coach Irihata.

“...Didn’t someone come in here with you with an application form?”

Coach Irihata chuckled. “Oh, yeah,”

“He just wanted to drop in his member application before his part-time job made him go back to work.”

Iwaizumi froze.

“...he...?”

“Yeah, he wanted to join the club as a (Position name). He’s not confident about his jumping or spiking abilities, but he claims to be really dang good at digging and receives.”

The two looked at eachother in silence. Wasn’t she-well, he—wearing a skirt? Now that he thought about it, everything about him looked like...well...a him, minus the skirt. Iwaizumi dashed to the table and picked up the application resting there peacefully.

‘(L/n) (Y/n) - 2nd year, class 4’

‘Position - (Position name)’

Iwaizumi scanned the page. He wanted to doubt this was the ‘cute manager’ they laid their eyes on, but they even had a school photo clipped onto the corner of the paper. Sure enough, that was him. His eyes eventually landed on something printed on the middle of the page.

‘Gender - male’

That proved it. The ‘cute girl manager’ Oikawa was just fawning over turned out to be a guy. And their future teammate, no less. Iwaizumi wanted to laugh in Oikawa’s face.

“Is there something wrong, Iwaizumi-kun?”

“Pfft-no! N-no, sirrrrr....” Iwaizumi set the paper down and walked out the the room, doing his best to keep in his snickers.

Oikawa jogged up to him excitedly once he stepped out of the gym. “So? Did ya find out her name? Her class? Is she our manager?”

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to say something, before letting his mouth clamp shut.

“Nah, coach said I couldn’t see it.”

He watched as Oikawa deflated, trudging his way over to the club room to change and go home. Iwaizumi did his best not to bust out laughing on the spot.

This should be fun.

——

“Iwa-chan!”

“No, you stalker.”

“But Iwa-chaaaaaan!” Oikawa whined. “Why not?! Practice ended early, and we could use some coffee! Come buy coffee with me!”

“You just wanna use me as an excuse to see that bo-that girl who came into our club yesterday, idiot! That’s stalking! You’re acting like your little fangirls!”

Oikawa pouted, and Iwaizumi prayed he didn’t catch him on his little slip-up. He turned around, walking off out of school gates. Oikawa dejectedly trailed behind him.

“I’m going home. Don’t bother me if it’s about that manager again—“

Just then, a text tone pinged from Iwaizumi’s pocket. He stopped mid-sentence, fishing out his phone and opening his messaging app.

‘Mom - no ones going to be home because we have to go out real quick. The house is locked, and you left your spare keys with me again. Go out and have fun with Tooru-kun before I come back!’

Iwaizumi deadpanned. Oikawa had his chin resting on his shoulder, with a shit-eating grin Iwaizumi didn’t even have to look at to know was there.

“Yeah, Iwa-chan. Listen to Mrs. Aina and hang out with Tooru-kun for a bit. We can go to the cafe and hang out like your she said, Iwa-chan~”

Iwaizumi pushed past Oikawa bitterly. “Don’t... fuckin’... call my mom by her name... dumbass... stalker... Shittykawa...” he grumbled as he trudged his way in the direction to the cafe. Oikawa let out a small “Yay~!”

——

Hiding behind the big, laminated menus the cafe provided, Oikawa kept glancing over to the cashier-area to try and find (Y/n). Iwaizumi deadpanned, sitting back in his chair nonchalantly.

“You’re acting stupid.”

“I’m being sneaky.”

“You look more suspicious than if you were to act like yourself.”

“As if you would know!” Oikawa whisper-yelled to Iwaizumi, momentarily letting his menu fall flat. “I’m trying not to get caught, unlike one of us-!”

“Hello?”

Oikawa and Iwaizumi froze. Oikawa rigidly turned to the voice, while Iwaizumi almost fell back in his seat.

There stood the boy—well, the ‘girl’, in his work apron, this time, up close. Oikawa could see the detail in his eyes, the way a few of his hairs fell onto his face and stuck because of the small layer of sweat on his forehead, even taking in the small kitty hair clip resting in his hair.

“Hu...huaai...” Oikawa breathed out. Iwaizumi bit his lip. If he started laughing now, Oikawa would tell his mom he was bullying him again.

“Hello! I was wondering if I could get you two anything to drink! No worries if you aren’t ready to order yet.”

His voice had a soft tamber to it, a warm, welcoming aura that fit the vibe of the cafe perfectly. Iwaizumi could see how Oikawa, and probably other people, could mistake him for a girl. Especially with the way he dressed and carried himself as evident to yesterday’s practice.

Iwaizumi tilted the menu infront of him up a bit. “I’ll get a small black coffee. Whabout you, Oikawa?”

When he got no response, other than the hum of acknowledgment from (Y/n), Iwaizumi looked up. Oikawa was staring dumbly at (Y/n) again, and seconds later (Y/n) was caught under his gaze. He stared back awkwardly, waiting for Oikawa to say something or at least order something, until he suddenly jolted up in pain.

Iwaizumi dug his heel deeper into Oikawa’s foot. “Say something, dumbass! Stop staring!” He hissed, covering his mouth from (Y/n) in petty attempts to mask their conversation.

“Ow! Ow! I’ll get a peppermint tea please-! Stop it!”

(Y/n) scribbled down Oikawa’s order, smiling patiently as he did. Iwaizumi removed his foot. There was a beat of silence, until Oikawa smoothly rested his chin on his hand.

“Soooo, (L/n) (Y/n)-chan, is it?” Oikawa said, as he peered at (Y/n’s) name tag. “Pretty masculine name for a cute girl like you~”

Iwaizumi choked on his spit. (Y/n) tilted his head to the side, looking up from his notepad to peer back at Oikawa.

“What...did you say?”

“Sorry, sorry!” Oikawa rubbed the back of his head cutely. “I didn’t mean to offend you. I think (Y/n) is a cute name~”

Iwaizumi didn’t know if he wanted to die from laughter or embarrassment. He was going to pop a vein trying to keep in his cackles.

“Ah. It’s the clothes, isn’t it?” (Y/n) mused. He took a step back, looking at his rather-feminine clothing choices for the day. “I understand why. I get that a lot.”

“...What does your clothes have to do with your name?” It was Oikawa’s turn to sound confused. Iwaizumi let out a few haggard, stifled snickers at his dense expression. (Y/n) raised an eyebrow.

“You...” He pointed at himself with his pen. “You do realize I’m a man, correct?”

Oikawa choked. His eyes widened as his smile cracked a bit. Iwaizumi had to hide his face in his jacket to prevent himself from bursting out into hackles. Oikawa gave a nervous smile.

“Aha...haha...funny joke..”

“I’m not joking, though...” (Y/n) smirked. He wouldn’t deny that seeing the faces of people flirting with him after he told them he had a dick was a guilty pleasure. “Want proof?”

(Y/n) grasped Oikawa’s wrist, tugging it forcefully, and moving his apron to the side. He brought it down closer to his groin until Oikawa sputtered and flailed on the table.

“No! I-I believe you! I-I can see it from here—I don’t need to touch it-!” Oikawa shrieked. Iwaizumi clutched his stomach from laughing too hard, already given up on keeping it in. He snorted loudly, choked on that snort, and erupted into a series of cough-laughs.

By the time Iwaizumi’s laugh turned into the kind where no noise came out-but it hurt in your stomach anyways—Oikawa was laying his head on the table, embarrassed, while (Y/n) chuckled along.

“You knew, Iwa-chan! You knew!” Oikawa hissed, holding his poor, abused hand. “You set me up for failure!”

“You did that to yourself.” Iwaizumi said between breaths. “He’s actually gonna start attending practice as a (position name) starting next week. We don’t have a manager after all.”

“And you got my hopes up for what?!” Oikawa cried out, making Iwaizumi snort again. (Y/n) raised his eyebrows.

“Manager?”

“Oikawa thought that when you came to drop your registration form in yesterday, that you were signing up to be a manager since he thought you were a girl. I saw your form though, so I knew but this guy here didn’t.”

Iwaizumi nudged at Oikawa, who was hiding his face in his hands. “You better be nice to him, though. He’s your new captain starting next week.”

“Ah! How fun! Having my new playboy captain flirt with me before I even join the club. ” (Y/n) mumbled, as he scribbled down something else in his notepad. Iwaizumi heckled when Oikawa whined with his head down.

He didn’t raise his head back up until a slip of paper was placed gently on top of his head. He heard a “I’ll go get your drink ready.” From (Y/n), before he looked up and noticed he was gone. He caught the slip of paper falling off his head as he sat up.

“What’s that?” Iwaizumi said lazily. Oikawa was staring giddily at the paper. He turned the paper around smugly, holding it up for Iwaizumi to read.

‘Call me. If you’re feeling fruity, that is. (xxx)-xxx-xxxx. -‘(Y/n)-chan’’

Iwaizumi stared at the neat handwriting, then back at Oikawa’s smug face.

“...Were you not just listening? He just tried to make you touch his dick? He’s a dude?”

“Eh. Cute girl, cute boy, he’s still cute~” Oikawa dreamily sighed as he watched (Y/n) make his tea behind the counter. “I’d still hit it till he breaks~”

“Pervert.”

“Says you.”

Oikawa earned a sharp thunk to the head.

——————

[xx-slug-xx]

I’d be happy to answer :D

Tbh, the tagging and search system for ao3 is not super dependent on opinions. There’s a few fics that may be a bit harder to categorize and need a judgement call, but overall, the vast majority of fics will for the tagging and search system that ao3 has set up pretty well! It’s has a certain way that it was designed to be used, and it’s designed to be easy for people to understand. It succeeded at doing both. When people aren’t using it as intended, it messes up a bunch of stuff. That’s what you’re supposed to report when people put something in the wrong category and such! Someone who’s doing a good job using this tool will tag their fic appropriately, and/or filter what they’re looking for.

As for what you were saying about certain ships being put in mature, I disagree with you on that. I’m on anons side! The mature category is not for telling readers what relationships or characters are involved in the fic. It’s for light gore, drug use, abuse, and light smut. The categories are to warn readers regarding the topics and other themes that are the main focus on the fic, the ship has nothing to do with it. That’s why things like “incest” and “underaged” are in a separate category, since those are directly for warning the reader what’s in the fic when it comes to relationships. To me, it’s like saying that since the source material is for mature audiences, even if you write a foc that’s perfectly fine for all ages, then it still needs to be in the mature category. It would be like writing a happy, slice of life fic for something like Breaking Bad or Hannibal where it would be silly to put in the mature category if nothing from the source is really taking place. If nothing that belongs there is taking place, then it shouldn’t be in the mature category.

When uploading a ship fic, the author tags it as the correct ship. This is what the filtering system is for. If someone doesn’t want to see a ship that squicks them or triggers them, then they need to exclude it in their search. It doesn’t matter if that ship is “problematic” or not. Any ship can be someone’s NTP! Other tags are also useful for this reason. For example, I don’t like anything relating to ageplay in my fics so I like to filter it out if I know that fandom I’m searching under has a few writers who like to write about that. If someone doesn’t was to see any abuse fics, then they need to filter the tag or just ignore the ones who do have it tagged. The point of the tagging system is so people can find what they want and avoid what they don’t.

Besides, the term “problematic ship” has a lot of nuance to it. My brain goes to incest, child x adult, and abuse. However, I’ve seen a lot of people who think that the enemies to lovers trip is problematic. My main point is, if what you’re proposing were to be used, then who’s the one deciding what ships are and are not problematic? What belongs in the mature category and what doesn’t? Because even what I would consider problematic has its grey areas. I think it would be much harder to put everything in a “problematic” or “not problematic” box that it would to just tag the ship as the ship and warn people that it’s darkship or darkfic in the tags. Not everything can be labeled as good or bad, black or white, you know? That’s how I see it at least lol.

So, I’m a come waddling on over since I saw on the survey reblog, you said that you used to be an anti. I hope I read that right and didn’t just put words into your mouth. Would I be able to pester you and ask you a bunch of questions?

@proship-anti-discussion

Yeah, you read that right! Used to be an anti but changed my stance and I’m now proship!

I’m more than happy to answer questions lmao I’ll answer the best I can at least!