#someone talk 2 me abt jenny & faith in this chapter

[jennycalendar]

Imperfections (26/?)

ao3

more things happen...i’m tired...catch me sobbing about jenny & faith Yet Again thru long fics

The car ride to school the next day was incredibly quiet. Faith stared out the window of the car, hugging her backpack, lost in thought. Jenny tapped her fingers nervously on the car door, resting her hand on Rupert’s leg as he drove.

She wasn’t at all looking forward to the inevitable conversation with Buffy. Even back when Buffy had forgiven her, Angel had been a delicate subject between them. A part of Jenny still felt a little like she had no real right to be mad at Buffy, considering that she herself had hidden aspects of her life from the group because she thought it was the right thing to do. Another part of Jenny was decisively furious and hurt; Angelus had tortured her in front of Rupert, and Buffy had hidden his existence from them both just because she didn’t want them to react negatively to his being back.  

Rupert took one hand off the steering wheel and rested it on Jenny’s. Jenny felt the knot in her chest loosen a little as they pulled up to Sunnydale High.

“I have class,” said Faith abruptly, letting go of her backpack and fumbling with her seatbelt.

Jenny glanced at Rupert, then said, “Hold on, Faith, there’s some stuff I want to talk to you about.”

“I’ll go in ahead of you,” said Rupert quietly, giving Jenny’s hand a quick squeeze before letting go and getting out of the car.

Faith looked up. “Something wrong?” she asked a little warily.

Jenny shook her head. “Not—exactly,” she said, which was as truthful as she could get without starting the inevitable Angelus conversation.

A sudden thought occurred to her that made her forget what she was going to say—why hadn’t she told Faith about Angelus yet? Why was she so incredibly hell-bent on making sure that Faith didn’t have to know about Angelus until it was an absolute necessity? Sure, initially Faith running off to kill Angelus had been a genuine concern, but more recently, Faith had almost always respected Jenny’s judgment without rushing recklessly into battle.

Maybe it wasn’t that Jenny wanted Faith to learn about Angelus from Buffy. Maybe it was that Faith was only seventeen, and she already had vampires to kill, and she didn’t need another reason to be afraid that someone she cared about might get hurt.

Jenny didn’t want to have to see Faith afraid. That was all it came down to, really. She didn’t want Faith afraid.

���Jen?” Faith was giving her a strange look.

That was selfish. That was stupid. She couldn’t keep Faith in the dark just because she wanted Faith feeling happy and safe. In a town like this, knowledge was the difference between alive and dead. “Faith,” said Jenny, “do you remember that conversation we had your first night here?”

Faith frowned. “About nightmares?”

“About the vampire,” said Jenny with effort. “The one that tortured me.”

To Jenny’s surprise, Faith looked a little bit guilty. “Yeah,” she said. “I—kind of asked Buffy about that.”

“Really?” This was news to Jenny. “What did she say?”

Faith hesitated. “She said you were sent to Sunnydale to keep an eye on a vampire with his soul, and that he lost his soul, and then you tried to give it back to him and got hurt doing it.” She smiled a little. “Kinda badass, if you ask me.”

Jenny winced. “Yeah. That’s, um, kind of a highly simplified version of what happened. Do you want to get out of the car?”

“Sure.” Faith slung her backpack over one shoulder, climbing out of the car. Jenny followed. “So. What happened?”

“I came to Sunnydale because of a vampire,” Jenny began as they started to walk towards the school. “Angelus. He’d killed a, um, family member a while back, and we’d cursed him with a soul so that he’d feel the guilt of all the murders he’d committed.”

“Whoa.” Faith’s eyes widened. “That’s hardcore.”

Jenny smiled a little. “I guess you could call it that, but a vampire with a soul isn’t in any way the same person as a vampire without one. Angel was—kind.” She thought back to Eyghon, something she’d thought so traumatizing and terrifying at the time, and almost wanted to laugh. A lot had changed since then. “He saved my life once. My family is pretty big on the whole vengeance thing, though, so they weren’t too keen on listening to me when I told them he’d changed, and they never got around to telling me that the curse could be broken.”

“How’d he lose his soul, then?” Faith asked, holding the school door open for Jenny. “That seems like a pretty weird curse if it’s breakable.”

Jenny hesitated. This was the part she’d been a little worried about telling Faith. “Angel and Buffy were dating,” she said carefully. “Because of his time with Buffy, Angel experienced a moment of perfect happiness, and the curse…wasn’t built for that. The soul he’d been given was meant to make him suffer, so when that suffering ended, even if it was only for a moment, the soul was gone too.”

“Fuck,” said Faith. Jenny was startled. Looking over at Faith, she didn’t see a single hint of anger at Buffy’s omissions, only sympathy. “I guess I get why B’s not big on the whole sharing thing.”

“You could say that,” Jenny agreed.

“So then—what happened?”

“Well,” Jenny paused before continuing, “Rupert and the kids were understandably pretty mad at me. I hadn’t actually told them that I’d come to Sunnydale to watch Angelus, and,” she remembered that horrible moment in her classroom, Buffy striding in with steely eyes, “it didn’t come out in the best of ways. So I tried to make things right.”

Faith stared. “Giles was mad at you?”

Jenny had to laugh. “Yeah. Our relationship was a pretty intense rollercoaster last year.”

“And then Angelus…tortured you because of that.” Faith’s expression was almost carefully neutral.

“No, actually, Angelus tortured me for information about how to bring about the end of the world,” Jenny replied simply, “but it didn’t work, and he ended up dead instead. Or as dead as a vampire can get, I guess.”

Faith nodded slowly, then frowned. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, Jen, but why are you telling me this now?”

Jenny stopped walking. They had reached the library, and she could see Rupert and Mrs. Post talking in his office. “Because Angelus is back,” she said finally. “We found out last night that he’s—” She hesitated. She had a feeling that telling Faith about Buffy and Angel kissing wouldn’t make Faith all that happy—that, and she’d caught Faith staring at Buffy more times than she could count. At some point, Jenny wanted to talk to Faith about girls, but she was pretty sure that they weren’t there yet. “He’s with Buffy,” she said finally. It wasn’t her place to tell Faith about Buffy and Angel.

Faith stared, eyes wide and hurt. “B’s been keeping secrets,” she said.

“From all of us,” Jenny said hastily. “Not just you.” She decided that this might be a good segue into her next topic, and continued carefully, “Rupert and I are holding something of a Scooby meeting to talk to Buffy, but I think it would mean a little more if you talked to her later. One-on-one.”

“Yeah.” Faith crossed her arms, shaking a little. Jenny wanted to reach out to her, but she had a feeling that that wouldn’t exactly be met with gratitude. “I—don’t think what I have to say to her is stuff I want to say in front of you guys.”

Jenny wasn’t sure if she should advise Faith against lashing out at Buffy, and eventually decided against it. Faith was getting pretty good at calming down and talking things out. Besides, Jenny understood the need to work through intense emotions, and she knew that she’d be there to help Faith if things went awry. “Okay,” she said finally. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re being left out of a Scooby meeting.”

Faith smiled slightly, shrugging a little, and said to the floor, “I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”

It took Jenny a moment to register what Faith had just said, and another moment to press her hands to her mouth in an attempt to hide her smile. “Oh,” she said. “Yeah. Well. You’ve, um, got good instincts, Faith.”

Faith looked up, smiling. “Damn straight,” she agreed. “I gotta get to class, but—”

Jenny caught Faith’s arm. “One last thing,” she said. “Remember what I said about thinking like a Watcher?”

Faith’s smile faded a little. “Uh,” she began. “About that—”

“Doesn’t matter,” said Jenny, remembering the late-night conversation with Rupert and smiling fiercely. “Give Mrs. Post hell.”

Faith blinked, and then her smile came back in full force. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” Jenny squeezed Faith’s shoulder. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”

 Jenny was kind of a mess through most of her morning classes, but thinking about Faith and Rupert made her feel a little better. Then, smack in the middle of the last period before lunch, she realized that Willow hadn’t come in for her TA session. And then it occurred to her that she couldn’t actually remember the last time Willow stopped by her classroom since Faith, which resulted in her having to let the kids out of class five minutes early just so she could pace anxiously around the halls. She felt awful about the way things were going with Willow, but there just wasn’t time to really mend anything right now, and somehow that made her feel even worse.

Rupert caught her arm as she passed the library. “Coffee?” he suggested gently.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” said Jenny a little shakily. “And Mrs. Post might still—”

“Oh, she’s long gone.” Rupert tucked Jenny’s arm into his, steering her into the library. “I managed to convince her that there was really no point in evaluating me during a school day.”

He stopped them both by the checkout counter, letting go of Jenny to enter his office. Jenny followed, sitting down on the edge of his desk. “Do you want to talk to me about Buffy?” she asked tentatively as he closed the office door. “You said something about that last night.”

Rupert handed Jenny a mug of hot coffee and sat down in his desk chair, resting a hand on Jenny’s knee. “I’m not sure—” he began.

“I mean, if you don’t feel comfortable—” Jenny added hastily.

“No, not at all, it’s just…” Rupert trailed off. “I don’t know where to start,” he said finally. “I’m not exactly in the habit of being forthright with my emotions.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” said Jenny, smiling slightly. “Just—try, okay?”

Rupert nodded, his fingers tracing patterns on her knee. It was silent in the office for long enough to let Jenny take two sips of her coffee, and then he said, “I did say last night that I worry Buffy doesn’t respect me, but—I don’t know if that’s entirely why I’m so upset by the concept of her keeping this from me.”

“Okay,” said Jenny, putting down the mug of coffee so she could place her hand over Rupert’s.

“It’s—” Rupert looked up at her. “Angelus tortured you,” he said, his voice oddly steady. “For hours. For pleasure. He knew he wouldn’t get what he wanted from us, at least not in time, and he still broke every last one of your fingers in front of me. I know you don’t remember much of that night, but I do. Every part of it. He wouldn’t let me look away.”

Jenny looked down at her hand. The fingers were still crooked—just slightly, and only if you were looking for the imperfections.

“It isn’t just that Buffy disrespected me with this gesture.” Rupert’s eyes were wet behind his glasses. “It’s that she disregarded what Angelus did to you.”

This was so far from what Jenny had been expecting that she couldn’t come up with anything at all to say in return. At Rupert’s hesitant expression, she suddenly remembered that this was probably the first time in a very long time that he’d been direct and honest with someone, and wow she was doing a really bad job of reassuring him. “Fuck,” she said weakly. “Sorry. I just—that’s a lot to take in, Rupert. I didn’t think—I mean, you know, I thought—wow, if she—”

Rupert kissed her.

Jenny kissed him back, then pulled away. “God, England, I’m so bad at this,” she said miserably. “I thought you were supposed to be the flustered one.”

“We can switch off.” Rupert was smiling for a reason Jenny didn’t entirely understand. “It’s—if it helps, it makes me feel quite a bit better to know I have someone to talk to about this.”

Jenny managed half a smile back. “It does help,” she said. “Thanks.” She sniffled (was she crying?) and squeezed Rupert’s hand. “I—think Buffy might have put at least some thought into not telling us, to be honest,” she said carefully. “I think she was scared of how we would react, and she didn’t want us to tell her she couldn’t see Angel. It was maybe a little selfish, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t coming from a place of disrespect.”

“Thank you,” said Rupert softly. “That’s quite astute.”

“You’re sweet,” said Jenny wryly.

“I’m honest,” Rupert replied simply.

Outside, Jenny heard the library doors opening, and then the hushed voices of Willow and Xander as they entered. Upon hearing them, Rupert stood up, gently pulling her with him.